#and gay shows can be canceled at any moment no matter how well received they are

[squilliamtriker]

i def think that if they'd had another episode the finale wouldn't have felt kinda rushed but also idk i really enjoyed it lol. when daniel dropped the script bomb i was HOWLING

also ppl are complaining about the loustat reunion being super cheesy and sure but also have we forgotten these two are insanely overdramatic about everything but especially each other

[littlemixnet]

To me, a good ally is someone who is consistent in their efforts – there’s a difference between popping on a pride playlist or sprinkling yourself in rainbow glitter once a year and actually defending LGBT+ people against discrimination. It means showing my LGBT+ fans that I support them wholeheartedly and am making a conscious effort to educate myself, raise awareness and show up whenever they need me to. It would be wrong of me to benefit from the community as a musician without actually standing up and doing what I can to support. As someone in the public eye, it’s important to make sure your efforts are not performative or opportunistic. I’m always working on my allyship and am very much aware that I’ve still got a lot of unlearning and learning to do. There are too many what I call ‘dormant allies’, believing in equality but not really doing more than liking or reposting your LGBT+ mate’s content now and again. Imagine if that friend then saw you at the next march, or signing your name on the next petition fighting for their rights? Being an ally is also about making a conscious effort to use the right language and pronouns, and I recently read a book by Glennon Doyle who spoke of her annoyance and disappointment of those who come out and are met with ‘We love you…no matter what’. I’d never thought of that expression like that before and it really struck a chord with me. ‘No matter what’ suggests you are flawed. Being LGBT+ is not a flaw. Altering your language and being conscious of creating a more comfortable environment for your LGBT+ family and friends is a good start. Nobody is expecting you to suddenly know it all, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect ally. I’m still very much learning. Even recently, after our Confetti music video I was confronted with the fact that although we made sure our video was incredibly inclusive, we hadn’t brought in any actual drag kings. Some were frustrated, and they had every right to be. You can have the right intentions and still fall short. As an open ally I should have thought about that, and I hadn’t, and for that I apologise. Since then I’ve been doing more research on drag king culture, because it’s definitely something I didn’t know enough about, whether that was because it isn’t as mainstream yet mixed with my own ignorance. But the point is we mess up, we apologise, we learn from it and we move forward with that knowledge. Don’t let the fear of f**king up scare you off. And make sure you are speaking alongside the community, not for the community. Growing up in a small Northern working-class town, some views were, and probably still are, quite ‘old fashioned’ and small-minded. I witnessed homophobia at an early age. It was a common thought particularly among men that it was wrong to be anything but heterosexual. I knew very early on I didn’t agree with this, but wasn’t educated or aware enough on how to combat it. I did a lot of performing arts growing up and within that space I had many LGBT+ (mainly gay) friends. I’ve been a beard many a time let me tell you! But it was infuriating to see friends not feel like they could truly be themselves. When I moved to London I felt incredibly lonely and like I didn’t fit in. It was my gay friends (mainly my friend and hairstylist, Aaron Carlo) who took me under their wing and into their world. Walking into those gay bars or events like Sink The Pink, it was probably the first time I felt like I was in a space where everyone in that room was celebrated exactly as they are. It was like walking into a magical wonderland. I got it. I clicked with everyone. My whole life I struggled with identity – being mixed race for me meant not feeling white enough, or black enough, or Arab enough. I was a ‘tomboy’ and very nerdy. I suppose on a personal level that maybe played a part in why I felt such a connection or understanding of why those spaces for the LGBT+ community are so important. One of the most obvious examples of first realising Little Mix was having an effect in the community was that I couldn’t enter a gay bar without hearing a Little Mix song and watching numerous people break out into full choreo from our videos! I spent the first few years of our career seeing this unfold and knowing the LGBT+ fan base were there, but it wasn’t until I got my own Instagram or started properly going through Twitter DMs that I realised a lot of our LGBT+ fans were reaching out to us on a daily basis saying how much our music meant to them. I received a message from a boy in the Middle East who hadn’t come out because in his country homosexuality is illegal. His partner tragically took their own life and he said our music not only helped him get through it, but gave him the courage to start a new life somewhere else where he could be out and proud. There are countless other stories like theirs, which kind of kickstarted me into being a better ally. Another standout moment would be when we performed in Dubai in 2019. We were told numerous times to ‘abide by the rules’, which meant not promoting anything LGBT+ or too female-empowering (cut to us serving a four-part harmony to Salute). In my mind, we either didn’t go or we’d go and make a point. When Secret Love Song came on, we performed it with the LGBT+ flag taking up the whole screen behind us. The crowd went wild, I could see fans crying and singing along in the audience and when we returned it was everywhere in the press. I saw so many positive tweets and messages from the community. It made laying in our hotel rooms s**tting ourselves that we’d get arrested that night more than worth it. It was through our fans and through my friends I realised I need to be doing more in my allyship. One of the first steps in this was meeting with the team at Stonewall to help with my ally education and discussing how I could be using my platform to help them and in turn the community. Right now, and during lockdown, I’d say my ally journey has been a lot of reading on LGBT+ history, donating to the right charities and raising awareness on current issues such as the conversion therapy ban and the fight for equality of trans lives. Stonewall is facing media attacks for its trans-inclusive strategies and there is an alarming amount of seemingly increasing transphobia in the UK today and we need to be doing more to stand with the trans community. Still, there is definitely a pressure I feel as someone in the public eye to constantly be saying and doing the right things, especially with cancel culture becoming more popular. I s**t myself before most interviews now, on edge that the interviewer might be waiting for me to ‘slip up’ or I might say something that can be misconstrued. Sometimes what can be well understood talking to a journalist or a friend doesn’t always translate as well written down, which has definitely happened to me before. There’ve been moments where I’ve (though well intentioned) said the wrong thing and had an army of Twitter warriors come at me. Don’t get me wrong, there are obviously more serious levels of f**king up that are worthy of a cancelling. But it was quite daunting to me to think that all of my previous allyship could be forgotten for not getting something right once. When that’s happened to me before I’ve scared myself into thinking I should STFU and not say anything, but I have to remember that I am human, I’m going to f**k up now and again and as long as I’m continuing to educate myself to do better next time then that’s OK. I’m never going to stop being an ally so I need to accept that there’ll be trickier moments along the way. I think that might be how some people may feel, like they’re scared to speak up as an ally in case they say the wrong thing and face backlash. Just apologise to the people who need to be apologised to, and show that you’re doing what you can to do better and continue the good fight. Don’t burden the community with your guilt. When it comes to the music industry, I’m definitely seeing a lot more LGBT+ artists come through and thrive, which is amazing. Labels, managements, distributors and so forth need to make sure they’re not just benefiting from LGBT+ artists but show they’re doing more to actually stand with them and create environments where those artists and their fans feel safe. A lot of feedback I see from the community when coming to our shows is that they’re in a space where they feel completely free and accepted, which I love. I get offered so many opportunities to do with LGBT+ based shows or deals and while it’s obviously flattering, I turn most of them down and suggest they give the gig to someone more worthy of that role. But really, I shouldn’t have to say that in the first place. The fee for any job I do take that feels right for me but has come in as part of the community goes to LGBT+ charities. That’s not me blowing smoke up my own arse, I just think the more of us and big companies that do that, the better. We need more artists, more visibility, more LGBT+ mainstream shows, more shows on LGBT+ history and more artists standing up as allies. We have huge platforms and such an influence on our fans – show them you’re standing by them. I’ve seen insanely talented LGBT+ artist friends in the industry who are only recently getting the credit they deserve. It’s amazing but it’s telling that it takes so long. It’s almost expected that it will be a tougher ride. We also need more understanding and action on the intersectionality between being LGBT+ and BAME. Racism exists in and out of the community and it would be great to see more and more companies in the industry doing more to combat that. The more we see these shows like Drag Race on our screens, the more we can celebrate difference. Ever since I was a little girl, my family would go to Benidorm and we’d watch these glamorous, hilarious Queens onstage; I was hooked. I grew up listening to and loving the big divas – Diana Ross (my fave), Cher, Shirley Bassey, and all the queens would emulate them. I was amazed at their big wigs, glittery overdrawn make-up and fabulous outfits. They were like big dolls. Most importantly, they were unapologetically whoever the f**k they wanted to be. As a shy girl who didn’t really understand why the world was telling me all the things I should be, I almost envied the queens but more than anything I adored them. Drag truly is an art form, and how incredible that every queen is different; there are so many different styles of drag and to me they symbolise courage and freedom of expression. Everything you envisioned your imaginary best friend to be, but it’s always been you. There’s a reason why the younger generation are loving shows like Drag Race. These kids can watch this show and not only be thoroughly entertained, but be inspired by these incredible people who are unapologetically themselves, sharing their touching stories and who create their own support systems and drag families around them. Now and again I think of when I’d see those Queens in Benidorm, and at the end they’d always sing I Am What I Am as they removed their wigs and smudged their make up off, and all the dads would be up on their feet cheering for them, some emotional, like they were proud. But that love would stop when they’d go back home, back to their conditioned life where toxic heteronormative behaviour is the status quo. Maybe if those same men saw drag culture on their screens they’d be more open to it becoming a part of their everyday life. I’ll never forget marching with Stonewall at Manchester Pride. I joined them as part of their young campaigners programme, and beforehand we sat and talked about allyship and all the young people there asked me questions while sharing some of their stories. We then began the march and I can’t explain the feeling and emotion watching these young people with so much passion, chanting and being cheered by the people they passed. All of these kids had their own personal struggles and stories but in this environment, they felt safe and completely proud to just be them. I knew the history of Pride and why we were marching, but it was something else seeing what Pride really means first hand. My advice for those who want to use their voice but aren’t sure how is, just do it hun. It’s really not a difficult task to stand up for communities that need you. Change can happen quicker with allyship.

Jade Thirlwall on the power, and pressures, of being an LGBT ally: ‘I’m gonna f**k up now and again’

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics with everyone’s favorite trope - sharing a bed! We hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis' bed when he's cold. Louis pines.

2) Been Gone Way Too Long | Explicit | 8836 words

“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”

Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.

“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.

Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.

3) I'm Trying Not To Make A Sound | Explicit | 10452 words

Louis thinks he could die right there. He can’t feel anything but the tingling sensation all over his skin. He’s throwing away all his past thoughts on trying to be straight and denying his reactions towards other men, he just wants more of this numbing feeling. Everything else is a long lost memory, can’t think of anything else besides, wow, this feels incredible.

4) Enjoy The Ride | Not Rated | 11103 words

The one where Louis, an omega more than tired of being treated as lesser than alphas, is forced on a road trip by his beta besties only to meet Harry who might just be the alpha he never knew he wanted.

5) Cuffed | Not Rated | 15254 words

What would you do if you were handcuffed to your enemy for 48 hours?

6) Up For It | Explicit | 18223 words

The one where Liam is Mr Organised, Zayn is too perceptive for his own good, Niall is a compulsive matchmaker, and Harry and Louis might just have the surprise to shock them all.

7) Holiday Greetings (And Gay Happy Meetings) | Not Rated | 18417 words | Sequel

Note: This fic has no smut, but it has omega Louis. The sequel has smut.

The one where Niall's dead car and and a foot of snow conspire to force Louis into spending time with an alpha he hates.... or does he?

8) The Aurora Zone | Explicit | 19633 words

The one where Harry is busy crossing off his bucket list while Louis is busy falling for the guy he's supposed to hate.

9) I Wanna Be More Than Friends | Not Rated | 20721 words

The one where Harry’s an alpha with no sense of smell, Louis’ an omega who isn’t allowed to scent his best friend, and that’s all they’ll ever be. Obviously.

10) Etched In Salt (Is A Cathedral Of The World) | Explicit | 24417 words

Note: This fic has BH mentions. It is also locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis asks for very few things in life, and they are: to solve cases, to keep bad people from doing their bad things, to get good coffee, to go home to a spacious apartment with nobody else in it, and to manage his stupid telempathy powers with minimal interference. And now he's stuck in a tiny cabin in a snowstorm in the middle of god-awful-nowhere with Harry Styles. Because of course he is.

11) Like A Siren In The Night | Explicit | 25868 words

“There is an infestation in my home,” Louis hisses, righting himself quickly and pushing his way past Harry, heading directly for the kitchen. He’s rather haphazardly dressed himself, a coat thrown on over a loose flannel shirt and black pants, slippers on his feet.

Harry resists the urge to sigh, closing the door and trailing behind him slowly. “What kind of infestation?”

For all he knows, Louis is going to claim that there’s a ghost infestation. Harry has no idea what the end game is here – all he knows is that Louis has found at least three complaints a week to bring up since he’s been living on Harry’s property, and he’s been living here for six months.

It’s way too many fucking complaints, is what Harry is saying. Especially when most of them are ridiculous to start with.

12) Always Come Back To You | Explicit | 28682 words

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”

Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.

Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.

Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.

Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.

“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

13) We’re Not Who We Used To Be | Explicit | 30611 words

“Harry…” Louis’ voice catches in his throat, thick with tears threatening to fall out, so he coughs to clear it before trying again. “Harry is Liam’s best man?” “You didn’t know?” Harry is standing at the entrance of the garage, mouth slightly open and face pulled together. He sets his bag on the ground and puts his hands on his hips. When he does that, he looks just like the Harry that Louis remembers (and loves, he thinks with an aching heart). “I’m sure I mentioned it,” Liam says, but Louis can tell he’s lying by the way he chews on his lower lip and twists his fingers together. “You’re all a bunch of dick heads, I’m getting in the car.” Louis isn’t sure if he’s being unreasonable. He has no idea what the protocol is when your ex-boyfriend shows up after three years and nobody bothered to give you a heads up. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be upset about it, even if it’s only for a bit.

14) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words

"So, I guess we'll go?" Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. "I mean, I wouldn't mind. We could make it an adventure."

Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He's fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry's gaze–he probably knows that Harry's mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he's not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.

But he's also Harry's best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he'd still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He's got Harry's back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they'll be able to get out of this situation, together.

Harry sighs. "We're going," he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.

Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

15) Welcome Back From The Friend Zone | Mature | 32584 words

The one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.

16) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat | Explicit | 34572 words

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

17) Close To Nowhere | Explicit | 34589 words

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

18) Playing To Win | Explicit | 36732 words

Big Brother UK alumni Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are selected for the UK vs Australia All Stars series with a massive one million dollar prize in the offing. They’re both fit and smart and would make a great alliance... if only they can stop their feelings from getting in the way.

19) If I Stay | Mature | 37226 words

Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.

20) The Space Between | Explicit | 39917 words

Harry Styles is the alpha rockstar who can’t sleep and doesn’t know why.

Louis Tomlinson is the omega PhD student who helps him figure it out.

21) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42207 words

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

22) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

23) No Going Back | Explicit | 56102 words

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

24) Waiting For The Tides To Meet | Explicit | 59873 words

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia ��� one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

25) Swallow The Knife | Explicit | 76158 words

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.

Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”

26) Waiting On You | Explicit | 76584 words

“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.

Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.

Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.

27) Perfect Storm | Explicit | 80230 words

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

28) Nothing Worsens, Nothing Grows | Mature | 102528 words

Another roadtrip AU featuring Harry as the misunderstood hipster, Louis as the bitter psych major, Liam as the one with the secret boyfriend, and Niall as the one who just wants everyone to be happy.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[malnatihq]

          🌈 — MASTERLIST OF HELPFUL RESOURCES !!

as stated before, we hope to educate employees && guests about the availability of lgbtq+ organizations && services who are there to help in times of need. as we have members of the community here at the malnati, we are grateful to have this community && these wonderful resources that are available. happy pride, beautiful people !!

as two women who are members of the lgbtq+ community, we wanted to personally give you guys a list of resources that we thought would be beneficial for you if you’re ever in need && give allies a chance to get educated on these resources && how to become a better ally to the community. pride month is a special month && our hearts are very happy we have this time to celebrate. in real life, we understand that many festivals, events, and parades are cancelled this year so we hope that our fun group celebration will help serve as a virtual pride fest for you && your characters. we want you to know that you are all special && loved && wonderful people. we know a lot of you guys call the malnati a safe space for you, but we also want you all to know that you also make us feel safe to be who we are. you make us feel loved && cared for. we know that sometimes our online friends are the only people who know about our sexuality and/or our true gender identity. we know how important our group && ooc chat can be to people && we appreciate that you guys feel comfortable enough to share your lives with us !! thank you to those reaching out to a friend to make sure they’re okay when they post something in the serious channel, as well. with each day that you all have been part of our lives, we have only felt better about knowing you guys && the unique friendship we share. we are grateful for this community we’ve got, especially all of you in the lgbtq+ community with us. you all are so powerful && full of love. again, we wanted to shine a light on some amazing resources for you all if you’re ever in need && great organizations that do so much for the community.

hotlines && websites listed here are resources && help to prevent crises && offer help to those in need. most of these are based in the united states. if you know of any other organizations / resources, please let us know && we’ll add it here. we also highly recommend searching for resources && organizations that are local to you !! you never know what’s available to you until you look !!   

blackline -- BlackLine is a 24-hour hotline geared towards the Black, Black LGBTQ+, Brown, Native and Muslim community. However, no one will be turned away from the Hotline. The purpose of the BlackLine is to provide people with an anonymous and confidential avenue to report negative, physical, and inappropriate contact with police and vigilantes. Another component of the BlackLine is to provide immediate crisis counseling to those who are upset, need to talk with someone immediately, or are in distress.

trans lifeline -- Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a peer support service run by trans people, for trans and questioning callers. Their operators are located all over the U.S. and Canada, and are all trans-identified. If you are in crisis or just need someone to talk to, even if it’s just about whether or not you’re trans, please call them. They will do their best to support you and provide you resources.

glbt national hotline -- The LGBT National Hotline is for all ages. They provide a safe space that is anonymous and confidential where callers can speak on many different issues and concerns including, but limited to, coming out issues, gender and/or sexuality identities, relationship concerns, bullying, workplace issues, HIV/AIDS anxiety, safer sex information, suicide, and much more. The LGBT National Hotline is staffed by highly trained volunteers who identify somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum, from all ages, walks of life and from all over the United States.  Along with peer support, listening and affirmation, their volunteers are supplied with the largest LGBTQ resource database in the US (www.LGBTNEARME.ORG) for those who are seeking additional support and ways to connect with their local community.

national suicide prevention lifeline -- We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

crisis text line -- Free 24/7 support at your fingertips. Crisis Text Line is here for any crisis. A live, trained Crisis Counselor receives the text and responds, all from their secure online platform. The volunteer Crisis Counselor will help you move from a hot moment to a cool moment.

equality federation -- The movement builder and strategic partner to state-based organizations advocating for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people. 

matthew shepard foundation -- Empowers individuals to embrace human dignity and diversity through outreach, advocacy and resource programs. We strive to replace hate with understanding, compassion and acceptance.

true colors united -- Works to end homelessness among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth, creating a world in which young people can be their true selves.

sex, etc. --  On a mission to improve teen sexual health across the country. They help teens with answers to their question about sex, relationships, pregnancy, STDs, birth control, sexual orientation and more.

sage -- The nation’s largest and oldest organization dedicated to improving the lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) elders.

advocate -- An LGBT-interest magazine / website. With an editorial focus on news, politics, opinion, and arts & entertainment.

human rights campaign -- The largest civil rights organization working to achieve equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans.

national lgbtq task force -- The country’s oldest national LGBTQ+ advocacy group.

national center for transgender equality -- The nation’s leading social justice advocacy organization winning life-saving change for transgender people. NCTE was founded in 2003 by transgender activists who recognized the urgent need for policy change to advance transgender equality.  

lambda legal -- A national organization committed to achieving full recognition of the civil rights of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people and those with HIV through impact litigation, education and public policy work.  

pflag -- The nation’s largest organization uniting people who are LGBTQ+ with parents, families, friends, and allies. PFLAG has over 350 chapters and 200,000 members and supporters crossing multiple generations of American families in major urban centers, small cities, and rural areas in all 50 states.  

it gets better -- Their mission is to uplift, empower and connect LGBTQ+ youth around the globe. 

the trevor project -- The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning youth. 24/7 chat, text, and call line for crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ+ youth (13-24 years old). 

egale canada (canada's lgbt human rights organization) -- Egale Canada is a national organization committed to advancing equality and justice for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans-identified people, and their families, across Canada. Egale has members in every province and territory of the country. Their Board of Directors is comprised of an elected male and female representative from each of six regions of Canada. 

rainbow railroad -- Rainbow Railroad is a Canadian charitable organization that helps lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer individuals escape violence and persecution in their home countries.

as we all know, pride started from a riot. in light of recent events surrounding the black lives matter movement, we wanted to also showcase resources to help educate you && highlight ways you can help out. whenever we see our members talking about standing up for human rights && black lives, it makes us so proud to have you in our group. whether you protested, signed petitions, or donated -- it's important to show up for the black community every day, especially the black lgbtq+ community. 

snapco -- Builds power of Black trans and queer people to force systemic divestment from the prison industrial complex and invest in community support.

the okra project - Collective that seeks to address the global crisis faced by Black trans people by bringing home-cooked meals and resources to the community.

marsha p. johnson institute -- An organization dedicated to protecting and defending the human rights of Black transgender people.

national black justice coalition -- The National Black Justice Coalition is a civil rights organization dedicated to empowering Black lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people.

trans justice funding project - Community-led funding initiative to support grassroots trans justice groups run by and for trans people.

black aids institute -- Working to end the Black HIV epidemic through policy, advocacy, and high-quality direct HIV services. 

youth breakout -- Works to end the criminalization of LGBTQ+ youth in New Orleans to build a safer and more just community.

house of gg -- Creating safe and transformative spaces for community to heal, and nurturing them into tomorrow’s leaders, focusing on trans women of color in the South.

lgbtq+ freedom fund -- Posts bail for LGBTQ+ people held in jail or immigrant detention and raises awareness of the epidemic of LGBTQ+ overincarceration.

trans cultural district -- The world’s first-ever legally recognized trans district, which aims to stabilize and economically empower the trans community.  

black minds matter uk -- Support in making mental health topics relevant and accessible for all black people in the U.K. 

the stephen lawrence charitable trust -- They work with young people from disadvantaged backgrounds aged 13 to 30 to inspire and enable them to succeed in the career of their choice. They also influence others to create a fairer society in which everyone, regardless of their background, can flourish.

the official BLM website -- #BlackLivesMatter was founded in 2013 in response to the acquittal of Trayvon Martin’s murderer. Black Lives Matter Foundation, Inc is a global organization in the US, UK, and Canada, whose mission is to eradicate white supremacy and build local power to intervene in violence inflicted on Black communities by the state and vigilantes. By combating and countering acts of violence, creating space for Black imagination and innovation, and centering Black joy, they are winning immediate improvements in their lives.

black lives matter toronto -- To forge critical connections and to work in solidarity with black communities, black-centric networks, solidarity movements, and allies in order to to dismantle all forms of state-sanctioned oppression, violence, and brutality committed against African, Caribbean, and Black cis, queer, trans, and disabled populations in Toronto.

a collection of petitions/donation links/educational resources -- Click on "more resources" then "educate yourself" then "lesson plan on being an ally" to find an extremely useful table of education resources -- you can choose to do 10/25/40 mins per day.

[rockinjoeco]

The Stigma from the Media

In the wake of the tragic suicide of former Love Island presenter Caroline Flack, the topic of mental health has become more vital and sensitive than ever. It shouldn’t have to take a tragic suicide for people to start thinking about how they impact other people’s mental health, but it seems that’s where we are now. I could preach to people about thinking about mental health, etc, but it appears that in the wake of Brexit, those days where a majority of British people are kind appears to be over. If we are to tackle mental health stigma, then we need to get to quite possibly the key architect behind this stigma and influencing a toxic attitude on society; the media.

The media is a very powerful tool in our society and unfortunately it’s been proven so by influencing a poisonous culture on everyone. Is it any coincidence that dumbed down, exploitive outlets like tabloid newspapers are the most-read newspapers during a time when, as proven with Brexit and the election, that maybe a majority of the British public aren’t as intelligent as we’d like them to be. This isn’t an assessment I’ve made because an election result didn’t go the way I wanted. We all know about the problems caused by the Tory government, like many people being forced into poverty because of austerity and universal credit, how a knife crime epidemic started because of police cuts made by the government and we all know the billions of pounds wasted on Brexit, which I’m still yet to hear any logical reason as to why that’s a good idea, leaving the NHS to be underfunded. Yet the conservatives won the election by an overwhelming majority despite the hardship that they’ve caused for a lot of British people. Jeremy Corbyn of the Labour Party may not had been the formidable challenger to Boris Johnson as many would had liked, but Corbyn would have been more likely to fund the NHS and help those in poverty than Johnson. The theory is still that the media won Boris Johnson the election with a smear campaign against Corbyn, although the antisemitism allegations weren’t a complete fantasy. The media spouted propaganda to manipulate the public rather than being unbiased like any insightful journalist, and unfortunately too many people were gullible to believe some of the wild speculation they reported.

When Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided to retire from royal duties, there was outrage amongst the public, but there were still people like myself who knew that the media treatment they had received was a major reason behind this. In the wake of Caroline Flack’s death, it’s a tragic summary of their brutal treatment of public figures and how it can seriously harm their mental health. The media relentlessly report on celebrities’ private lives, usually against their will, but for what reason? The private lives of celebrities isn’t exactly need-to-know information and doesn’t boast any insight into anything. It’s just a money-making scheme to sensationalise the most insignificant of events so the gullible and ignorant people can absorb themselves into. What we know now is the harm it does to the people that the news articles are about. Of course those in the media have branded Prince Harry and Meghan Markle selfish for stepping out of the media spotlight as an effort to excuse their abhorrent pursuit of them. They still make excuses for the car crash that killed Princess Diana in Paris back in 1997 and state that she was killed because the driver was intoxicated, but just before the crash, paparazzi were chasing the car that Diana was in and so it must be argued that the media had a part to play in the horrific car crash. The media are so powerful that they can get away with anything, even murder it seems.

We can debate about whether Love Island is a good tv show, and whether newspapers like The Sun, Daily Mirror and Daily Mail are good newspapers, but what must be talked about is whether or not they’re harmful. Let’s not forget that that two Love Island contestants, Sophie Gordon and Mike Thalassitis, also tragically took their own lives last year. Whether Love Island played any part in Caroline Flack’s suicide is up for debate, but surely the TV show should be under more intense scrutiny than ever, especially as questions about whether it damages someone’s mental health. Also last year, a guest on the Jeremy Kyle Show, Steve Dymond, took his own life and the show was cancelled as a result. For Love Island to not only continue, but add a winter series after two of their previous guests committed suicide raises a lot of questions and shows that ITV put ratings before the well-being of their participants. The media has now become more of a weapon, especially looking at Piers Morgan’s merciless vendetta against Meghan Markle and Jameela Jamil, all because he finds them irritating. Not because they’re criminals or because they’ve done any kind of wrongdoing. The phone hacking scandal by the News of the World demonstrates how certain media outlets have become weaponised to intrude public figures for the means of getting a story. Piers Morgan has frequently dismissed mental health awareness by stating that those who speak out are just ‘wallowing in self-pity’ and are ‘virtue-signalling berks’. If anybody else had tweeted that, they’d probably get in trouble at work, maybe even sacked. The fact that ITV haven’t punished Piers Morgan in any way shows contempt from the network as well as Morgan in regards to mental health and this is why there is still so much stigma around mental health. As someone with anxiety and depression, the media, especially ITV, is why I’ve suffered in silence for so many years.

Social media has also become more harmful than ever too. It has become a tool for users to harass and abuse people, especially celebrities. The cancel culture on social media is so brutal. Taylor Swift spoke out about how social media had impacted her when, following a public falling out with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, the hashtag #taylorswiftisover trended for days on Twitter and it was like being told to kill yourself and Twitter users were likening a human being to a TV show and they could just be killed off if they’re not how the public wants them to be like. Meghan Markle has also been victim of savage abuse on social media, as she admitted on ITV last September, and Lily Allen quit Twitter days after the General Election as she said that Twitter ‘gives a voice to the far-right’ and that it is used to ‘spread disinformation and lies’. When celebrities give their political opinion on twitter or if a news story has that sort of thing, the comments on twitter can contain people saying things like ‘stop talking’ or ‘stick to acting’, which is killing democracy in our country. Are celebrities not entitled to an opinion? Why are they less allowed to have their say than any non-famous person on social media? Nobody has to agree with them, but they have the right to an opinion, just like we are.

ITV has always been a poisonous institution, as any company which keeps Piers Morgan in a job would prove to be. Caroline Flack was forced to resign from Love Island following her assault charge on her boyfriend Lewis Burton, but many have pointed out that Ant McPartlin was allowed to keep his job at ITV when he was convicted of drink-driving, arguably a more serious offense than the one that Caroline was charged with. Because of McPartlin’s popularity, you could say that he is untouchable and can get away with almost anything, even if he did cause death by dangerous driving, ITV will still keep him on because he generates ratings, and that’s what comes first with ITV. The moment when Philip Schofield came out as gay on This Morning was a heartwarming moment and was seen as brave and inspiring to express your sexuality in the way Schofield did. Those inspiring moments are too few on ITV, especially looking at the suicides of their participants. Something at that company is wrong and their mental health campaigns seem redundant now. ITV care so much about ratings that it wouldn’t surprise me if they announced an autumn and spring series in addition to Love Island.

Caroline Flack said back in December; ‘if you’re going to be anything, be kind’. It shouldn’t have to take a tragic suicide for people to start being kind, but Britain has become a less tolerant and more crueller country than ever, especially in the wake of Brexit. People are so quick to pounce whenever a celebrity makes any kind of mistake, like all human beings do, and berate them in the most brutal way possible. While it is important to be kind, we still have to be brutally honest on important matters like mental health and we must get to the source of where it stems from; media corporations like tabloid newspapers and ITV. I, like many other people, hope that action is taken against the media for all the harm that they have caused people, because the media have too much blood on their hands.

[kattaloop]

Lexa IS More Than A Symbol

I came to Tumblr for the Clexa GIFs and stayed for the very occasional long-form contribution. So I don’t know what’s being talked about and how, but a few friends asked me to comment on this. A week ago, @rivertalesien offered a lengthy reply to an anonymous question:

“Why is Lexa the one that people want to fight for but seems to be the only one kept dead? Not that ODAAT and WE had dead lesbians but they were cancelled and fan efforts brought them back like why is Lexa the only one who can't? She has to be more than a symbol though?“

I have my own thoughts on this issue, some of which I can’t publicly elaborate on. Let me just say that you’re right, Lexa absolutely is more than a symbol and should be treated as such. But what did River have to say about it all?

“First of all, the situations with ODAAT and WE are completely different: those involve complex negotiations with advertisers in order to cover the costs and where the show will be hosted. I know it’s fun to believe that fan campaigns had anything to do with it, but it is always, ultimately down to negotiations with advertisers and studios. It makes the producers and all look good to praise their audience for the “hard work” trying to save the series, but they all know better.“

It’s right to say that money is a driving force in any decisions the networks make. But you can’t isolate a show from the broader programing strategy, and, as far as I know, advertising deals are  bundled. As with any business, money isn’t the only deciding factor, either. Power and prestige have important roles in this game of film and television, and personal preference absolutely exists. As for fan campaigns, they add a voice, one that may have, and has, in the past, convinced executives to revisit the  issue in the first place. Would they have done the same thing without that little nudge from viewers? Maybe, but probably not.

“And Lexa is “kept dead” because, and this is only inference, but I think it’s a strong one: Jason Rothenberg lost a huge business/development deal as a result of the Lexa/Clexa fan drama.“

You did your research, I’ll give you that. But I’m unsure how well you understand the reality of this business. Considering that failed pilots are more common than green-lit ones. Considering that any pilot is a collaborative process with too many components in play than for an outsider to pinpoint exactly one reason as to why it failed. Considering that this industry, for all its rigid hierarchy and rules books, can also be one of the most unpredictable - one person leaves and the whole house of cards can crumble. Considering that you refuse to entertain the pros that would accompany Lexa’s return, pros that someone with Jason’s disposition might be equally interested in as in the more petty revenge fantasies.

“Jason Rothenberg spent the days, weeks and months after Lexa’s death cutting himself off from those fans who were hurt by his actions and no doubt working behind the scenes to make sure he didn’t lose his job over his unethical, unprofessional behavior. His supporters in the cast were openly derisive of Clexa fans who spoke out and a tone of trying to ignore or undermine the fan fallout was the given order. Showing real empathy and offering to work with the audience in order to heal the divide might have gone a long way for improving his image and the show’s. Rothenberg decided to hide instead.“

Yes to everything but the last sentence. You’re assuming - sorry, inferring. I happen to know that it was not his decision. Once again, isolating one aspect from its context and environment usually leads to wrong or, at least, incomplete conclusions.

“One very clear consequence of his queerbaiting is that Greg Berlanti, the very successful (and openly gay) producer of many DC shows including Supergirl, stepped out of a development deal for a new series tentatively titled The Searchers. The project was likely mostly Rothenberg’s, but without Berlanti’s backing, it was dropped. Story was that it was too “expensive” to produce, yet Berlanti went on to get a huge deal with the CW, producing Riverdale as well as the upcoming Batwoman. Would Berlanti want to be associated with Rothenberg after the Lexa debacle? Probably not and that’s probably closer to the real reason the deal went south.“

Except the queerbaiting isn’t even fully acknowledged, still. That’s a lot to base on “likely” and "probably.” Berlanti was already getting these deals. He also had his own issues to deal with. If the production was deemed too expensive, it doesn’t mean that there’s a conspiracy beyond the normal industry processes.

“Outside of The 100, he has no produced credits to his name and how he got the job of showrunner when he had no previous experience in any capacity in a writer’s room or on a production staff is certainly baffling. He very quickly proved he didn’t have the professionalism for the job and anyone else would have been dismissed.“

But he wasn’t dismissed, and that should tell you enough to not be baffled by the fact that they hired him, even without knowing the industry from within.

“The 100 went from 16 episodes to 13 because the order for renewal had already been given and the WB/CW put out feelers in the form of polls asking the audience directly: will Lexa’s death affect if you watch the show? Who does that unless they are seeking to reassure the advertisers that Lexa’s death wouldn’t be a big issue for long and spoil their investment?”

In conjunction with a noticeable drop in ratings and other measurable factors, this is probably a reasonable conclusion. They were hoping for a surge and were slammed, instead. There were a lot of whispers, but nothing I’d consider to be confirmed. What does this have to do with why they wouldn’t bring Lexa back? If anything, it suggests they know of her value.

“Fans are capable of all sorts of interpretations of a text (oh boy are we), but one thing that I think is generally considered across the board is that with season 4, the tone toward Lexa was more than a little OTT and a tad spiteful.”

I’m glad you acknowledge that much of this is based on interpretation. In summary, the praise Lexa received in S4 felt unauthentic, the Flame and Lexa were used as an emotional device, and Clarke’s actions were problematic. How’s that any different than post-307, when nobody seemed too bothered about losing their beloved Heda, when the Flame and Lexa were used as an emotional device, and when Clarke had sex as a coping mechanism and even questioned Lexa’s humanity? The latter were all written before the backlash. It mostly speaks to the show’s persistent issues with continuity, character development, and representation.

“This is just my interpretation, but with fans crying out for her return, pleading for a spin-off and so on, and generally being the most out-spoken fandom for LGBTQ rights and better representation in media (and a never-ending drag of Rothenberg’s name), is it likely that a production that never did anything to try and make amends ever going to give in to such pleas?”

As likely as any other production, to be honest. Allow me to go back to your earlier assessment. “They don’t care about fans’ pleas.” Would they bring Lexa back for the fans? Doubtful. “They care about their own benefit.” Would they bring Lexa back if it benefited them? Now we’re talking.

But they can’t just do it any odd way. As you also said previously, they know better. They may ignore us, but they watch us. They would’ve assessed the different scenarios. From a business point of view, they’d want to avoid another backlash. Then you have a diva showrunner to consider, and a guest star who is in work and, hopefully, wouldn’t return for a guest stint if it didn’t benefit her and Lexa. It’s a tricky balance, made even more difficult by a fandom that likes to tear itself apart over conflicting opinions every 3 months or so.

Considering all of those circumstances, I can’t think of a reasonable way to bring Lexa back other than at the very end. Which would benefit the production, but more importantly, a large number of fans, the tiny matter of representation, and ADC - if done right, which I give her enough credit to make sure before agreeing to anything. I’m not saying that it will happen or that it won’t happen. I’m saying that there’s a strong case for it happen, to balance out your rather one-dimensional approach.

“There is a cruelty to this because almost any other kind of story of this kind would involve a moment of catharsis, but that moment is constantly suspended, always dangled, but never in touch.”

Personally, I’d agree with that, but I can also think of writers who’d be into it. We’ve already established that Jason and his immediate team are lacking awareness and empathy. It makes little sense, therefore, to expect them to act differently, especially if they’re leading up to another shock twist. My guess is as good as yours on whether that’s something good or bad.

“They know what fans want and it’s arguable too that Rothenberg has twisted what the fans want for his own benefit: a spin-off of The 100, but one entirely about something decidedly unrelated to Lexa. Showing online fan interest might be one way of telling advertisers: see, there’s a demand for his work.”

No offense, but this makes no sense and it’s probably the most contradicting and subjective thing you’ve said thus far. If they know what fans want, then there’s nothing to twist. It’s actually part of the reason why the Lexa spinoff campaign started while the show’s still on air: to get the word out, to make sure they know exactly what and who we want, and what and who we don’t want. Jason started talking about a spinoff before 307, so there’s literally no ground for this argument, which also has no bearing on the question. So why bring it up?

“Unless advertisers demand it, is it likely that this unprofessional queerbaiting producer would do anything except the most spiteful of nods? That’s all he’s done at this point and the story this season looks more and more like they are going to finally close the book on any Lexa mentions ever again.”

Unless advertisers become involved in the creative process, this argument is also invalid. Thankfully, there are regulations in place to avoid that. And unless you know what motivates a person, you can’t speak to what they will or won’t do. Even if you did, you can’t be certain. Once again, this is a collaborative process even under the worst of circumstances. Things could go either way.

“Fight for Lexa, there is nothing wrong with her being a “symbol” of a fight for better representation.”

It feels wrong when you reduce her to a symbol, when you put her in the past, when you tell others to seek out other representation, when you dismiss her implied humanity. Our emotions in relation to Lexa are real, and that makes her real in all the ways that matter. What happened to “she’s more than just a character?” Well, she’s also more than a movement. Let’s not use their excuses when they kill of one LGBT character and put another on their place against ourselves.

“Keep using her light, but never forget where it really comes from, something Rothenberg will never understand: it comes from you.”

Now see, this is a great statement. I, too, believe that Lexa is a part of us. Her light guided me out of the complete darkness I had lost myself in, and it became part of my own light. I’ve never come across a character like that, or person, for that matter. A sentiment that still reverberates through the fandom and beyond. I believe that her light can help so many more people whom she wasn’t able to reach in the short time she was given. And so, part of my fight for better representation, better storytelling, will always be to let Lexa’s light shine again. She deserves to live. She deserves to have her story told!

[lastsonlost]

I needed Marvel to stand by me with more work opportunities to show the trolls that I was more than a diversity hire. “

Sina Grace on Writing Iceman at Marvel: “I Was Surrounded by Cowards”

Posted by Jude Terror June 28, 2019 48 Comments

As has been documented in various Bleeding Cool articles throughout the course of the book’s two series, one of my personal favorite X-Men comics of the past few years was Iceman, written by Sina Grace, and drawn it its first volume by Alessandro Vitti and Robert Gill and in its second and concluding one-shot by Nathan Stockman. The book breathed new life into a character who it could be argued hadn’t really received significant character development since his days in X-Factor in the 1980s. It’s true that it was “The Great One” Brian Bendis who wrote Iceman outed by Jean Grey’s invasive telepathy, but it was Grace who wrote adult Iceman coming to grips with this and learning to be himself and love himself, alongside, of course, lots of mutant action and drama. The book ended too soon, when it was really just getting going, IMHO.

With all of that in mind, it’s sad but not surprising to read Sina Grace’s comments, posted to his Tumblr, about his time at Marvel writing the book and what he says was a lack of support from Marvel while he dealt with online bullying as well as a lack of support and promotion for Iceman itself.

Grace writes:

As Pride Month comes to a close, it’s time I spoke candidly about my experience at Marvel Comics.

To date, I’ve always been honest about the joy of writing Iceman’s journey as an out gay superhero, but I’ve skirted around the challenges that came along with it. This is partially because I prefer to give off an upbeat vibe, and there’s also a fear that my truth will affect my career. With more corporations patting themselves on the back for profit-led partnerships wherein celebrities take selfies in rainbow apparel, and with buzz that Marvel Studios is preparing to debut their first gay character in the upcoming Eternals movie, there is an urgency to discuss the realities of creating queer pop culture in a hostile or ambivalent environment. Hopefully, my takeaways will serve as a guide for people in positions of power to consider when advocating for more nuanced and rich representation. In an ideal world, embracing our stories and empowering us to tell them will yield far more profitable (and way less messy) results than what I encountered while writing Iceman.

Stand by your people

It’s no surprise that I got the attention of trolls and irate fans for taking on this job. There was already backlash around the manner in which Bobby Drake aka Iceman came out, and Marvel needed to smooth that landing and put a “so what” to the decision. After a point, I could almost laugh off people making light of my death, saying they have “cancerous AIDS” from my book, or insinuating I’m capable of sexual assault… almost. Between Iceman’s cancellation and its subsequent revival, Marvel reached out and said they noticed threatening behavior on my Twitter account (only after asking me to send proof of all the nasty shit popping up online). An editor called, these conversations always happen over the phone, offering to provide “tips and tricks” to deal with the cyber bullying. I cut him off. All he was going to do was tell me how to fend for myself. 

I needed Marvel to stand by me with more work opportunities to show the trolls that I was more than a diversity hire. 

“We’ll keep you in mind.”

I got so tired of that sentence.

Even after a year of the new editor-in-chief saying I was talented and needed to be on a book that wasn’t “the gay character,” the only assignment I got outside of Iceman was six pages along, about a version of Wolverine where he had diamond claws. Fabulous, yes. Heterosexual, yes. Still kind of the gay character, though.

We as creators are strongly encouraged to build a platform on social media and use it to promote work-for-hire projects owned by massive corporations… but when the going gets tough, these dudes get going real quick.

Believe in the work

You may be asking if my Iceman book was any good, or if I’m just being sour grapes over a bad work experience. Believe me, I asked that, too. From the get-go, my first editor asserted that Iceman would be DOA if it were “too gay,” while also telling me to prepare for a cancellation anyway, given that most solo X-Men titles don’t last beyond a year. Never mind that my work on Iceman had gotten positive press in the New York Times (in-print), or that in spite of (since-deleted) critical sandbagging, the series nets glowing reviews on Amazon… Marvel still treated me as someone to be contained, and the book as something to be nervous about. Do you know how hard it is to not argue with a publicist when he’s explaining the value of announcing Iceman’s revival via the Marvel homepage? Sis, that’s a burial. Instead of clapping back, I just went and got myself more press from the New York Times. From there, they tightened my leash. I had to get all opportunities pre-approved, and all interviews pre-reviewed. This would be fine if it was the standard, but I assure you: none of my straight male colleagues seek permission to go on podcasts promoting their books.

What Marvel should have done is assign me a special projects editor. They should have worked with a specialty PR firm, rather than repeat a tiresome cycle of treating the book like a square peg, and getting confused when it’s a hit.

Give us a real seat at the table

There was a moment before Iceman was cancelled where I wrote then-editor-in-chief Axel Alonso an email, pleading for a Hail Mary arc. I explained that Icemanwas landing with a newer generation of readers who focused more on binge-reading than month-to-month periodicals. The series needed time in the book market before its true strength could be assessed. To Axel’s credit, he was warm to the idea and even gave me an extra month, but when he left Marvel that idea got brushed away. Of course I was right. The first two volumes sold like gangbusters thanks to word-of-mouth, librarian love, and support from retailers big and small.

When the series returned, no one at Marvel asked me: “What do you think landed with readers?” Nor did they ask the question that Axel did: “What matters to your community?” So when I wrote what I thought the fans would be into, a story about a man learning to be a better ally in the war against hate, editorial totally missed its value.

Seat at the table pt II: The Shade of it all

All of the weird drama I put up with crystallized when I created a drag queen mutant, first called Shade, now called Darkveil. I told my editor that Shade would be a big deal for X-Fans, and asked how we should promote her. He said: “leave it up to the reader’s interpretation.�� Everyone at Marvel shrugged off two years of goodwill and acted like I’d coordinated behind their backs on an announcement that made headlines. Beyond mentioning on Instagram the queens who inspired the character, I didn’t coordinate shit. Of course, their head publicist can’t admit that my quotes were pre-approved from an unreleased interview. At this point, I stopped believing that there’d be any more work for me. There were so many shady moves on their end that I’m still having trouble putting into language, but it all aligned with an experience I had in retail where a corrupt manager kept lying and moving the goal posts in order to keep me selling in a department I didn’t want to work in. I offered to give Darkveil a proper character bio, and I walked away.  

I recognize that some of my complaints can be filed under “this is freelance life.” I am aware that it was not a queer person of color who joked to me that “it’s not a matter of if Marvel fucks you over, it’s a matter of when.” That came from a cis white male. The same-day turn-arounds without warning, the work emails on Christmas week… that’s the freelance bullshit. Truly, I don’t even think of this as discrimination, I call it general ineptness. It is my belief that if we are telling stories about heroes doing the right thing in the face of adversity, wouldn’t the hope be to embody those ideals as individuals? Instead of feeling like I worked with some of the most inspiring and brave people in comics, I was surrounded by cowards.

Truly, I hate writing this. In keeping with Pride Month, I am proud of the work I did on Iceman… I love the book! It sucks that I may be tarnishing its legacy going public about how the cookies were made. That said, the time for self-congratulating is over, and folks should be earnestly listening when they ask: what could we have done better?

so what’s my take.....

Personally I think the kid got used, plain and simple. Also this should not have come as a shock to anyone.

Look at how badly they treat their customers that pay them money,                  OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO FUCK THEIR EMPLOYEES EVERY CHANCE THEY GET. A box full of scorpions would have had more loyalty.

@thespectacularspider-girl

______________________________

little history lesson for you kids: tokyopop did practically the same thing with the rising stars of manga. They snatched up young Talent, use them, and drop them.

[thelanternlight]

Confession of a Temporary

At one unfortunate point in my life I was a temp and I worked a lot of jobs within the Wake County Public School System. Not in actual schools but rather in various offices around the city including the special needs office, the testing facilities, and another office that was sort of a call center for the school system.

This was a few years ago and I was fresh out of college and was somewhat irresponsible because I had no idea what I was doing with my life. It was also a time of upheaval for the school system. At the time, for God knows what reason, the county had decided that all schools were henceforth going to be year-round. It was quite a point of contention to say the least and received wide media coverage. I remember being filmed as I stuffed envelopes one afternoon and ended up on the evening news.

Ironically the people working for the school system were perhaps among the least qualified and the most… well I don’t want to say stupid but certainly inept. They lacked a lot of common sense. My temp agency told me to show up at the office and ask for so-and-so one morning. So I did. The woman I was to speak with put me in a room with a telephone in it and gave me a list of numbers to call. “It’s a list of parents in the county whose children go to public schools,” the woman had said. “If you’ll just give them a quick call and let them know that they have an option to either keep their child in the school where they currently are or to select a different school and get back to us that’d be great.”

Little did I know this tremendous change had not yet been broadcast to the general public yet, and it was in fact me who would be breaking the news to these parents. I wrote down what I’d say on a little slip of paper and started making phone calls in that little room on that outdated telephone, completely unaware of what I was really doing. For the majority of the calls I fumbled over names and stammered through sentences, rushing through this incredibly important message. Nearly all of the parents were not at home as I had started my work in the middle of the workday. I can only imagine what I sounded like on answering machines across the county that afternoon when people started arriving home to hear the message. Some gay kid faltering over his words telling them that their school and work schedules were about to fall into complete chaos. And worst of all I gave them my name and the number for the office as the woman had instructed me to do.

It was about 4:00 that afternoon, some three or four hours after I’d started making phone calls when a lady from the front desk burst into the little room and said, “Are you Michael? There’s a man asking for you on line 2,” she said with a confused and urgent expression. I transferred over to line 2. The man immediately broke into a frenzied “What the hell is all this about my son’s school going year-round? Is this some kind of prank?” I did my best to appease the man and eventually told him, “Look, I’m just a temp in the office here who was told to make these phone calls and give parents this message. If you have any questions you’ll have to ask the front desk.”

A moment later the lady from the front desk returned, even more perplexed at why a common temp would be receiving phone calls. But the onslaught continued, dozens and dozens of people asking for me, demanding me to explain myself. Having done exactly what I was asked to do and being completely naive to the sheer impact of what I was saying I left the office after my shift that day without looking back as it spun into riotous turmoil.

The next day I saw just how much the shit had hit the fan. Another woman who worked in the office asked me to take some papers up to the fifth floor of the office and give it to a Mr Whatshisname. I followed the signs and the directory until I came to a set of double doors. I opened one of the doors confidently and burst into a large meeting room *packed* with businessmen, teachers, the Wake County School Board, city officials, news reporters, cameramen, photographers and other distinguished-looking individuals who all turned and looked directly at me. Once they saw my wide, dazed eyes they returned their attention to a man sitting at the head of a table under the spotlight of all the cameras in the room, not unlike Jesus at the Last Supper if Jesus were a sweaty and nervous middle-aged white man. He looked intensely concerned. The entire room hung on every word he said as he talked about the outcry of parents, students, and school staff in response to the news I’d broken yesterday.

“Excuse me,” I whispered to a man standing at the back and watching the tense scene. “Where can I find Mr Whatshisname?” He pointed at the man sitting in front of the cameras still speaking hesitantly as he carefully chose each of his words. Deciding that enough was enough I left the papers I was carrying on a table near the man and casually said, “These are for him,” and left. I hoped they weren’t too important, but then again what else was I going to do? Interrupt the meeting in front of all these people? I think not.

The next day I called in sick and went to the beach with a friend. The situation intensified in my absence and well into the following school semester. At length it was determined that changing all the schools in the county to year-round for practically no reason at all was silly. The entire thing was cancelled and school schedules remained as they were. A few years later the WCSS endured another fiasco with its segregated bussing controversy. You may have seen it on the Daily Show, the Colbert Report or any number of news outlets. However I personally had no hand in that matter, lol. In conclusion, I’d like to point out that the people truly responsible for the mess are the ones controlling the education of our children. And regrettably this story, in its entirety, is absolutely true.

[pinesconessecrets]

A perfect holiday

For @say-hey-im-gay  Hope you like it! :D

“Hey…Dipper?” he said, making his roommate turn slowly to look at him with tired eyes “I… I made cookies, do you want some?” he offered while showing the tray he was carrying, which was full of slightly misshapen gingerbread men.

“Sure, thanks Wirt” he sat up and he smiled a little in his direction, patting the space in the bed beside him for him to sit as well.

Wirt almost sighed in relief. Ever since receiving the news of the airline suspending their flights Dipper had been devastated, because unlike Wirt that could visit his family every weekend if he so desired, distance made that practically impossible for him. It had been a year and a half without being able to see his sister (because studying in Italy made it hard for her to travel too often) and two without seeing his parents and great uncles. But that Christmas everyone had the time and money to reunite and spend the holidays together, thing that had Dipper almost bursting of happiness and energy, allowing him to take his finals head on and to smile despite everything bad that happened that year. And then the airline called, saying that his flight was canceled due to the weather. No matter how hard he tried to find another way to travel, everything had either been canceled or was full to the brim.

It wasn’t fair.

“Wirt?” he called, a headless gingerbread man in his hand that could easily be the eighth wonder of the world with how hard he was looking at it “I know you want to cheer me up, and I’m really thankful for that, but…” he sighed, turning his eyes to watch him instead “you don’t have to spend winter break with me, Wirt, your family is waiting for you”

And that was the thing, wasn’t it?

Dipper was completely right, his family lived two hours on car away and even with the snow and the cold wind it wasn’t that hard to go home on time. What was stopping him, then? Camaraderie towards his best friend? A lack of desire to see his family? A ‘better safe than sorry’ situation?

No.

The real reason was the big crush he had on Dipper, and that spending a couple of days together without the pressure of school on their shoulders was too big of an opportunity to pass.

“I already told you” he faked a cough trying to pretend his voice didn’t sound an octave higher than normal “they are going to spend Christmas with Dad’s side of the family, and they don’t like me very much. Neither do I” he added with a whisper “So I decided to go until New Year’s eve or a few days before it. And hey, if that allows me to hang out with you in peace, then it isn’t that bad. Right?”

“Hang out with me”

“Yeah…”

“while the weather is this awful”

“Yes…”

“And almost everything that we could’ve wanted to do is closed”

“Well… the ice ring the school has is open to students… and the coffee shop in front of the library is serving a delicious hot cocoa or so I’ve heard…”

A pause. And then a laugh.

“Well, how the fuck can I say no? You certainly know your way to a boy’s heart. What’s next, watching cheesy movies while cuddling?” Dipper said with a joking tone in his voice.

“If you’re lucky”

The blush on Dipper’s face was totally worth the embarrassment he had while saying that.

* * *

While it might look weird for a school to have a totally equipped ice ring at campus, no one at Ghibli College minded seeing as it allowed the hockey and the ice skating team to practice without trouble, just the same as the other clubs. And, even though all year long the entry was denied if you weren’t part of one of the teams, at winter break the ice ring was available to all the students staying at campus, as a way of making their stay more enjoyable.

Which was just so fucking perfect for Wirt, because while (almost) no one could argue his specialty were the poetry and playing the clarinet, he was also pretty decent at skating.

“Okay, okay, I think I’m getting the hang of this…” Dipper said, before slipping (again) and barely managing to grab Wirt’s arm on time to avoid fall on his face “Or so I thought”

“Well… it isn’t that hard, Dip. Just… think of it like stop being human for a second. And then, you are mythical being, freely roaming around the beautiful world Mother Nature has given you, gliding gracefully over…” he coughed, feeling how his cheeks seemed to go warmer by the second. What a way to ruin the moment “Sorry… I just…”

“No, it’s okay Wirt. I quite liked what you said” he smiled, a shy look in his face “It was cute. And really inspiring” he added with a wink “I might just drop out and go live in the woods like I’m mean to do”

“Shut up, Pines” embarrassed he gently pushed him, totally forgetting the lack of balance the other had “Oh God, Dipper!”

****

After apologizing over and over (and picking Dipper from the floor), they stayed an hour skating (or, in Dipper’s case, trying not to fall) before finally deciding that it was enough and they were cold, hungry and sore (and that last one wasn’t only in Dipper’s case, because he had gotten his sweet revenge pushing Wirt to the ice a few times).

As they made their way towards the coffee shop, Wirt couldn’t help but to watch Dipper from the corner of his eye. He seemed to be feeling better, his eyes shining the way they did when he finished a mystery book and a soft smile that he had only saw a few other times before. And considering that one of those times was the day he met his friend Soos’ daughter… well, could anyone really blame him for wanting to stop the world and bathe in the feeling the thought of making Dipper that happy gave him?

“So” said Dipper after a moment of comfortable silence where they cautiously sipped their drinks “where did you learn to skate like that?”

“You say that as if I were a professional and not just a person that doesn’t have balance problems” he laughed as Dipper punched him softly in the shoulder “Well… when I was a kid Mom was always encouraging me to try and make friends, and that included her taking me to different clubs or courses” he sighed and frowned a little at the memories “One day she took me to the ice skating club of the city, and I stayed because it was one of the few activities I enjoyed”

“I see…” he munched on his second cupcake before speaking again “my parents did the same. I hated it because they never gave me the chance to choose one, but thanks to it I discovered my passion for the piano so…” he shrugged and smiled with chocolate stained lips “worth it”

He smiled and took a sip from his coffee, his mind immediately moving from his childhood memories to the ones of Dipper playing the piano: his long fingers moving through the keys, his fingernails painted just like Mabel had done them in his first concert; his lips that tried to stay in a perfect line in order to look professional, but that if you payed enough attention you could watch them turn upward when he got lost in the feeling of playing or downward when he thought he had messed up somewhat; and the way the rest of his body seemed to connect with the piano, his entire being focusing on the melody and the melody only.

He wondered if Dipper would like to play with him someday.

* * *

“Okay, I have to admit” said Dipper before throwing himself over the couch “that went way better than I thought. Thanks” he turned to smile at Wirt, only to have a blanket thrown at his face “Hey! What the-”

“Hush. You have a lot of luck so I’m gonna put the first sitcom I find in Netflix and then we are gonna cuddle. Any questions?” he said faking confidence. Oh God, he really was going to do it, wasn’t he?

Dipper blinked slowly. Once. Twice. On the third, Wirt had to fight a wince.

And there it was, the cute laugh Dipper was so ashamed of, the one he always tried so hard not to do. But right now he didn’t seem to care, laughing as if he didn’t have a single problem in his life.

“Oh, my, I’m way too lucky, uh?” with a big grin in his face he turned and shifted until finding a position he liked “Hurry up! Come here and cuddle me, loser”

It wasn’t long before they were watching the fourth episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, their limbs intertwined and their bodies warm and comfortable. It felt so natural to be together that way, yet Wirt couldn’t help but think it could be so much better. He just had to take a chance.

“I’m in love with you” was mumbled into soft brown curls. A snort soon followed and arms tightened their hold around his body.

“I thought it was obvious that I love you too, dork”

The rest of their day was spend that way, with the two of them watching Netflix while cuddling and talking in low voices. Their Christmas’ eve dinner? A pizza they made with the few ingredients left in their pantry and that was miraculously comestible. Their Christmas’ gifts? The ones they already had for the other and a sweater exchange they thought of in the moment.

Looking around, at Wirt asleep by his side wearing the Doctor Who themed sweatshirt he gave him (it was the only one that fit him) and the rainbow blanket Mabel had gifted him two years ago covering them both, Dipper couldn’t help but think it was perfect.  

He might not have everything he wanted, but at least love wasn’t something he lacked in his life.

[kiruuuuu]

Making out like a Bandit Part 1/3

Jäger needs help and Bandit is there for the rescue. Both of them are roughly in their mid-20s in this. I guess it’s an origin story? Third part contains all the goodies :) (Rating T, fluff/a bit of angst? maybe?, ~3.6k words)

.

“So, we met through your brother, that’s probably easiest since it’s also true. Was it on the job? Did we stumble into each other at some point, did we go to the same party and he introduced us?” Marius’ brain is quick-firing possible scenarios, providing both reasonable as well as inane ones as he overtakes an idiot who really should be in the right lane yet refuses to switch over, blocking the middle lane completely. As soon as he’s past him, he accelerates the car and his thoughts simultaneously.

“Dude, relax, you’re driving like a madman”, says the person sprawling next to him, the seat moved all the way back so he can stretch out his long jeans-clad legs. “You’re putting way too much thought into this. Don’t you want to come off as natural?”

“Most of all, I want to come off as reasonable”, he replies quietly but lays off the gas a little nonetheless. He’s been useless for the past few days, drowning in a sea of worries and what-ifs and increasingly ridiculous scenarios, switching so rapidly from eerie calm to extreme tension over something that shouldn’t mean this much to him yet does. He barely ate, considered cancelling the entire thing several times but knew he had to go through with it. Had to.

“I can do reasonable”, the guy agrees easily and flashes him an open grin. He’s an odd one, that much is clear, there was definitely some hesitation when he was suggested to Marius even if he’s not adept at pinpointing what exactly it is that feels slightly off about the other young man. One thing helps a little with his frayed nerves at least: he cleaned up nicely. When they initially met to discuss a few details, the guy called Dominic showed up with an impressive stubble, well-worn clothes, bed hair and a sour attitude where now he’s dressed in clean trousers and a freshly-ironed, subtly-patterned shirt. He’s shaved, looks like he even styled his hair and applied an undeniably attractive cologne that put Marius on edge immediately as soon as he caught a whiff of it.

To be very honest, he’s stunning. He looks like someone whom Marius would notice in a club, on the street, in the supermarket, instantly obsess about and possibly dream of but never interact with for fear of blunt rejection purely because he’s so far out of Marius’ league. His jaw could cut glass, his hazelnut eyes are piercing and his broad chest looks perfect to rest one’s head on, his toned body and his height are just an added bonus. He moves with a mesmerising confidence that Marius both admires and deeply envies. There’s only one problem with the entire situation: He’s straight.

“Okay, so, let’s decide on maybe the first date and first impressions, how about -”

“I love this song”, Dominic interrupts him mid-sentence, doesn’t pretend to be apologetic about turning up the volume of the radio and even starts singing along a little. “What’s your uncle like? He means a lot to you, right?”

Marius has to raise his voice to fight against the music now. “He does, yeah. He raised me after both my parents died when I was still a kid.”

“Oh shit.” The volume is lowered considerably again, the effect almost humorous, quelling Marius’ rising irritation right away. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. He did a fantastic job regardless. He’s one of the greatest people I know, dedicated to his work, honest and smart, I have nothing but respect for him.”

“Then it makes sense – I was wondering why you’d care what your uncle thinks of you being gay.”

Marius just answers with a strained smile.

.

It’s one of the worst ideas he’s ever heard, not only because he despises lying but also because lying to his family is something at which he’s always been terrible. His friends could pretend to be ignorant about the fate of the freshly baked cookies even with crumbs around their mouths whereas he basically confessed to wanting to eat one before he even does. Additionally, it means he’d have to get another person involved for which he’s entirely unprepared, so at first, he discards the suggestion despite the fact it worked out reasonably well for the guy telling him about it.

And reasonably well in this case means that the person pretending to be his friend’s boyfriend so he didn’t have to come out to his parents all alone actually caught the knife thrown at the poor sap in mid-air, shielded him bodily from further harm and offered to stay the night to ensure he’s fine. The two of them are still dating, which Marius supposes is wonderful for them yet he can’t get over the haunted look in his friend’s eyes as he recounts how he was basically expelled from his own family.

Still, he refuses to entertain the notion for a year during which he very carefully chooses which places to frequent just in case someone who might snitch to his own family runs into him making out with yet another mediocre-looking dude who’s indubitably more interested in Jäger’s lower head than anything he has to say. At some point, he gets sick of it and decides to make the jump, to at least let his uncle know why he wanted to own a skirt even if he never put it on in public as a child, why he insisted on watching each and every cowboy film on TV as well as most football matches (even though he hates football) and why his first attempts at dating girls went so horribly wrong.

He’s probably a coward. Dragging someone else into this extremely personal matter just so they can offer moral support is nothing but selfish, he knows this, and yet it’s reassuring to know he won’t be alone. There’s absolutely no chance his uncle is going to react like his friend’s family in any way but despite this, having someone there who will possibly share the weight of disappointment and disgust so it doesn’t weigh him down as heavily is too tempting to dismiss the prospect. He asks around in his circle of friends, some of which immediately offer to do it themselves but Marius is close enough with his uncle that most of them have met him and even introduced their wives, so they’re out of the question.

Eventually, Cedrick speaks up.

Cedrick is someone who’s usually drifting at the edge of Marius’ vision, a friend of a friend of a friend, popular and hard-working though he has a reputation for being a little strange, sometimes even callous. He’s loud due to genuine confidence in the fact that people want to hear what he has to say, Marius is loud to mask the fact that he assumes no one cares – the end result is similar, however, and so they don’t interact very often whenever they’re stationed together. When Cedrick approaches him one day and mentions having heard about his troubles, Marius steels himself in expectancy of a vaguely hurtful joke though ends up pleasantly surprised when all he receives is encouragement and sympathy. It turns out that both of them assumed they disliked each other, so after an awkward conversation to clear everything up, Cedrick mentions his twin brother who’s visiting the Ruhr area at the moment and that he’s probably spontaneous enough to go through with Marius’ plan.

Dominic really does share a lot of similarities with his brother but is actually more burly, visually more intimidating and, unfortunately, gorgeous. There’s something about his demeanour that sets him apart from Cedrick, ensures they won’t be confused – Marius would be hard pressed to identify what exactly it is but he notices an uncomfortable attraction with which he’s too familiar. Handsome straight guys are the source of equally many broken hearts as desperate jerk off sessions, they’re the bane of Marius’ existence and the one mistake he keeps making. He doesn’t learn and as much as he hates lying to others, he’s a master at lying to himself.

.

The entire car ride, which takes longer than the usual hour due to traffic, he’s careful to keep his eyes on the road instead of the impressive figure next to him but even so, he’s not impervious to their ongoing conversation. Dominic seems unwilling to dwell on Marius’ game plan, instead jumps from topic to topic, sometimes based on a car plate he spots or a news story being discussed on the radio, though more often than not entirely at random. He appreciates the distraction and finds his voluntary companion to be an interesting and interested talker though when they arrive, he wishes they’d chatted more about what kind of plot they’re going to act out as soon as they enter the house. He feels entirely unprepared.

“I don’t think I can do this”, he says, his stomach in knots upon him laying eyes on the home in which he grew up, the four walls that are heavy with memories. It used to be a safe haven, a place of freedom and comfort in which he never felt wrong. He does now, sharply and suddenly, all the possible ramifications of his impending confession flooding him at once. His uncle always told him he didn’t need other children if he’s got him and what used to sound lovely to his ears now creates a lump in his throat.

“Can I call you sweetcheeks?” The unexpected question startles a short laugh out of him that shakes him out of his downward spiral of unproductive thoughts and he smiles at Dominic, grateful for the comment. “What’s the worst that could happen, hm?”

“He disowns, insults and assaults me”, Marius shoots back matter-of-factly.

“What’s the best case scenario?”

For this, he needs to think a moment. “He accepts me as I am and even supports me.”

“And what’s most likely going to happen? Probably somewhere in the middle, right?” His uncle loves him and if previous altercations are anything to go by, he’s not a confrontational person at all. Reluctantly, he nods which turns out to be a mistake because now Dominic is beaming at him with the force of a thousand suns. “There you go. It’ll be fine. I’ll hold your hand during, if you like, and you can cry on me until my shirt’s soaked afterwards, but right now, you got shit to do. You got this. Let’s go.”

Marius finally understands why Cedrick roped his brother into this instead of volunteering himself – Dominic is proving to be an absolute sweetheart.

.

“It’s good to see you, come in, come in. Who’s this?”, his uncle pats his arm as he slips past him into the familiar house and then shakes Dominic’s hand. “Hello, I’m Helmut.”

“Dominic Brunsmeier, a pleasure. You can call me Dom, everyone does”, Marius’ companion responds politely and shuts the door behind him. They’ve come this far so Marius decides to takes the next logical step.

“Dinner is almost ready, you can sit down in the kitchen.” The fact that he doesn’t question Dom’s presence and instead accepts him into his home without protest simply because it was Marius who brought him along stings a little – he’s so unsuspecting.

“Actually, there’s something I’d like to talk about beforehand. Can we…?” His uncle seems surprised but ushers them to the living room nonetheless and this is where the reality of what’s happening finally catches up with Marius who is eternally grateful that he at least made it to the sofa before his legs give in. He can feel his heart pounding in his temples and while it does help, it doesn’t do much to have Dom by his side until he sits down right next to him, their thighs touching, his hand brushing over Marius’, thumb running over his knuckles for a brief moment. It centres him in a way, allows him a brief respite to take a deep breath and prepare himself mentally once more, just like he’s done every day during the previous week.

This is him. His uncle deserves to know about this because it’s a large part of him, his future and past, and leaving him in the dark just doesn’t seem fair. This is who he is and he can’t, won’t change anything about it – and this realisation helps. He’s content with himself. And even if his uncle might not be, it’s ultimately less important than his own opinion of himself.

He hesitantly leads up to it, speaks deliberately and has rehearsed most of it before, and while he probably only voices a couple of sentences, it feels like he’s talking for an eternity which is reassuring because his uncle hates interrupting people – so as long as he’s talking, he’s fine. He forces himself to stop, closes his mouth, resists the urge to squirm in his seat, to inspect the room to find something to comment on, switch the topic. Dom next to him is silent, a few of his fingers stroking Marius’ leg out of view in support. He hasn’t felt this vulnerable in a while, it’s as if he willingly presented a weak spot to someone with a weapon and trust is the only thing keeping him from flinching.

His uncle seems pensive. Not disappointed – not yet –, not angry or confused but Marius expects the quiet thinking to tip over into any of those soon. Instead, he looks at Dom. “Am I right in assuming you’re together?” Dom, the utter angel, simply nods and agrees. “Then you can consider yourself a very lucky man.”

His face lights up once more. “I do.”

Marius just stares. Not only did his uncle just use the informal “you”, reserved for family and friends, he also – what sort of reaction is that? “Wait -”

“How long have you wanted to let me know? Don’t tell me you worried yourself sick over this, your cousin’s gay.”

Now his eyes are almost bulging out of their sockets. “What?”

“From your dad’s side. Markus. Did you never – well, I guess you didn’t. I just hope I’ve made enough food. You really should’ve told me you’d bring a guest. You’re planning on staying, right, Dom? I’d like to get to know you better.”

“I’d be delighted”, Dom replies and sounds nothing but genuine.

And Marius just looks back and forth between the two, trying to process what just happened.

.

Dinner is entirely surreal and Marius feels like a complete and utter fool the entire time. The first half is spent on him answering his uncle’s questions about when he knew, what his experiences have been like so far and he’s forced to disclose all of it with Dom watching him with a small smirk and dear God Dom is probably judging him so hard internally because he made such a big deal out of it and it turned out to be absolutely nothing to worry about. A few times, he has to interrupt his uncle before he starts with the really embarrassing stories (though Dom subtly tries to guide the conversation back to them, as if Marius wouldn’t notice). It’s domestic and lovely and decidedly strange.

The rest of it is spent on Dom and this is where the whole thing might crumble. Marius completely missed the point where he could sensibly tell his uncle what’s up and is now stuck in this pretend relationship that threatens to blow up any second but the longer they talk, the more apparent it becomes that Dom knows exactly what he’s doing. It turns out he’s using all the topics they’ve discussed on the way here to drop natural-seeming remarks that imply how well he knows Marius, and though he disagrees with some of the “relationship” details that Marius brings up, it only serves to strengthen the front they’re putting up because they end up bickering like a real couple.

“Oh, you have a twin?”, his uncle asks curiously at some point and Dom nods.

“We both joined the BGS at the same time, yeah. Sometimes we dress the same to see whether Marius will end up holding the wrong person’s hand but so far, he’s behaved very well.” He winks at Marius, making him blush and his uncle laugh.

“You’re not that similar, actually”, he replies begrudgingly and adds, before he can help himself: “Y ou’re more handsome.”

“I’m beginning to understand why you suddenly developed such a passion for sports when you got that new teacher all the girls were fawning over”, his uncle muses but Marius can barely hear him due to Dom’s smile eclipsing pretty much everything around him. This was a terrible mistake. All of this was a mistake.

After they’ve eaten – and though it was nothing special, it tasted of home regardless – Marius shoos his uncle away, insisting that they’ll take care of the dishes since he never bothered to buy a dishwasher. As soon as he’s out of earshot, he murmurs: “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he’d take it this well and now you have to -”

“Don’t be ridiculous, this is hysterical. I’m having the time of my life, sweetcheeks”, comes the easy response and Dom actually does sound like he’s enjoying himself immensely.

“Call me that again and I’ll slap you with the wet towel.”

“Oh, is that what you’re into?” He chuckles at Marius’ exasperated expression that partly stems from the fact that Dom is playing his role a little too well. Weirdly enough, he seamlessly fits into his life, he’s witty, charming and sincere, his humour aligning perfectly with his and even his uncle’s and right now, he looks completely at ease, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up and him almost elbow deep in dishwater. He’s gone from someone whom Marius would admire from afar to someone about whom he’d daydream – like waking up next to him, cuddling while watching TV. Only he has the bonus of being really, really hot. His lower arms, despite being halfway obscured with foam, look more than strong enough to hold him down and - “Really though, I’m happy for you. And I like your uncle.”

And his uncle likes him, which is a whole new problem. Because he’ll have to find an excuse as for why Dom isn’t in his life anymore the next time he visits and that means more lies on top of the ones that are currently stacking up. At least his biggest worry is gone now and he won’t have to hide such a fundamental part of himself anymore, which got rid of the worst knots in his stomach – but his uncle finding out Marius expected him to react so negatively that he made up a boyfriend remains a fear of his still.

“Hey. Cheer up.” He turns his head to answer only to find Dom’s face right in front of his and then he kisses him, nothing spectacular, just a short peck on the lips before he returns to his task but a kiss nonetheless. Habit kicks in and he involuntarily chases him, earns another blinding smile and a second kiss, yet this time neither of them withdraw and it’s an awkward angle, Dom’s arm is in the way, they both seem unsure about committing and it’s perfect, it’s quiet and unexpected and shy but Dom smells heavenly, his composed and supportive presence is doing wonders to Marius’ soul and all he wants to do is to snog him senseless, until the water is cold, until the sun goes down, until his uncle checks on them. He takes note of his smooth cheeks, the long eyelashes gently curving, the specks of gold in his honeyed irises; they tilt their heads and eyelids flutter and someone clears his throat behind them.

Marius jolts, barely stops himself from jumping away from Dom, reminding himself he’s supposed to be doing this, whirls around and feels warmth creep into his face at the amused expression on his uncle’s face. “Do you boys want to stay for the game? The BVB is going to play Schalke into the ground – hopefully.”

Okay, no, this has already gone too far and with him almost making out with Dom he’s straying uncomfortably far into dangerous territory. Besides, he can’t stand football, which is the perfect excuse for them leaving as soon as possible. He’s adamant on not ruining things with Dom so his budding friendship with Cedrick doesn’t get tarnished, not to mention the fact that he’s probably provided the twins with enough ammunition for blackmail to last them a lifetime. “Thank you, but I think we’ll -”

“Sure.” His mouth snaps shut and his head whips around to Dom who doesn’t even have the decency to return his gaze. “Another Dortmund fan, hm? I can get behind that as long as it’s against Schalke, we have a common enemy.”

A broad grin is Dom’s reward for such a betrayal. “That’s what I like to hear. Marius, if you don’t want to watch it, you can do me another favour. The model helicopter I bought a few months ago is broken again and I’ve had trouble fixing it. It’s in the garage.”

He barely resists the urge to glare at the utterly unapologetic man next to him. “No, it’s okay, I’ll join you. I’d rather make sure you don’t tell him any embarrassing things about me.”

His uncle dramatically puts on a mock hurt expression. “What, me? I’d never, cheese weasel.”

And while Dom snickers into the dishes, Marius’ face gets even hotter.

[officialheroesofolympus]

Green-eyed Monster (Steve Rogers x reader)

HeroesOfOlympus: Heyyy y’all! I’m so sorry that I haven’t updated a fic for a month. This is actually my first fic of 2018 and I’ve been working on it for quite a while. I’m actually quite proud of it and I hope you enjoy it, as much as I enjoyed writing it! Happy very very belated New Year, wishing all of y’all the best for the year ahead! @starlightrogers Happy Galentine’s Day!!

Description: 4 times Steve got jealous and did nothing, and the 1 time he did. (Or, in simpler terms, basically Steve getting jealous before finally acting on his feelings.) 

Reader Gender: Female

Characters/Ships: Steve Rogers x reader, Brother figure!Tony Stark x reader, Implied!Sam Wilson x T’Challa, hint at Father figure!Steve Rogers x Peter Parker, Peter Parker, Natasha Romanoff

Rating: PG13

Warnings: Very heated and descriptive kissing at the end, and major fluff

Side Notes: Slight AU for the ending as it’s set sometime after Civil War, except Tony and Steve never fought but did meet T’Challa and Peter Parker. Implied bisexual Steve Rogers and reader but can be written off as just them being drunk. Implied gay Sam Wilson and T’Challa as well.

Y/E/C: Your Eye Colour

1.

Squinting through the seemingly invisible gaps between the dancers, Steve muttered excuses as he wiggled his way through the sweat-stained bodies on the dance floor. He was on the receiving end of many dirty looks from those who were irritated that he had disrupted their dancing but he currently couldn’t care less. 

He had caught a glimpse of you at the bar over the heads of the moving bodies and although he was glad to see you, he certainly did not like who was standing next to you one bit. When he finally made it out of the ocean of dancing bodies, he spotted a skimpy-dressed woman standing extremely close to you, her hand trailing up and down your arm suggestively. 

To make it even worse, he took note of how your eyes flitted over to the woman touching you, the Y/E/C orbs seeming to sparkle under the light, bright with amusement and a hint of lust. Instead of kindly rejecting the woman, as he had hoped, you were reciprocating her feelings.

You had persuaded the usually uptight man to head over to the nearby bar to ‘get drunk as hell before hooking up’, much to his reluctance. For starters, he already despised modern day bars, what with them always having far too loud and suggestive music, and how overcrowded they always were. Adding the fact that your aim for the night was to get in a bed with a stranger who wasn’t him, made it even worse. 

Sliding into a stool a few metres away from you, he decided to wait for you in hopes that you didn’t end up occupied with that woman. Knitting his eyebrows, he tried to focus his attention onto the drink (that the bartender had delivered with a wink before insisting it was on the house) in his hand, ignoring the pounding music and the weird feeling in his stomach. 

It was as if his insides were getting twisted, tangled up in each other and forming knots. Accompanying it was this blazing fire igniting in him, spreading throughout him like, well, a wildfire. Clutching the glass in his hands, he flicked his head back, downing the alcohol in one gulp, wanting to get rid of the strange feelings inside of him and replace it with numbness. 

Swallowing the last drop, he still felt the tightness in his chest and knew the alcohol hadn’t done what he had wanted it to do. Sighing, he ran his fingers through his slicked back blonde hair, trying to look at anything except for you. However, his eyes betrayed his will, repeatedly flickering upwards, stealing glimpses from time to time. 

During one of his quick glances, he saw that the woman had moved dangerously close to you, her body pressed against yours as she hooked both her arms around you, pulling you even closer to her chest. Much to his pleasure, he saw how you chewed on your bottom lip, leaning as far away as you could from the woman. 

Once again, he sighed but this time, in relief, his shoulders loosening as the tension left them. A triumphant smirk gracing his face, he discreetly watched as you moved your arms up to the lady’s shoulders, shoving her forcefully whilst you shook your head, nose wrinkled up in disgust. Backing away from the woman, you turned on your heel swiftly, determined to get out of there as fast as possible. 

While you stomped towards him, he couldn’t help but admire how beautiful you looked, even when you were angry. As you slammed your fist onto the table, sliding into the seat next to him, Steve nodded his head, absentmindedly listening to you rant about the rude woman who was previously flirting with you, too focused on how magical you looked under the flashing multicoloured lights.

2.

Hunched over the computer screen, Steve, along with the other soldiers assigned to this mission, attentively watched the live video playing in front of them. Their target sat at his desk, eyebrows furrowed as his fingers flew over the keyboard, punching in letters furiously, no doubt working on what had made him S.H.I.E.L.D’s target in the first place. 

Despite how desperate the agency was, they were not able to just kill the target and declare it mission accomplished this time. They needed him to confess to his crimes without harming him in any way or murdering him. After much research, S.H.I.E.L.D had discovered that the target was prone to spilling his secrets to any random stranger, as long as they looked a certain way. 

The person closest to the target’s ideal type was none other than you, which made you the best bet to accomplish this mission. They had managed to hack into the security cameras installed in their target’s bedroom and had assigned a group of soldiers, including Steve (much to his demand), as backup. 

Suddenly, the door to the main office slammed open, making the target’s head snap upwards, the reprimanding words dying in his throat when he saw who was standing in his doorway. Hearing low whistles around him, Steve hushed the team, not only for the sole purpose of wanting to listen but to tame the flicker of jealousy igniting inside of him, as well.

Focusing his attention back onto the screen, he had to control himself from breaking his aloof manner when he saw what you were wearing. He knew you were supposed to be scandalously dressed but he didn’t know you were going to be dressed in a leather black skirt that only covered half your thigh and a white crop top that clung tightly to your body. 

Swaying your hips, you strutted towards the target, the black stilettos strangely not making a sound on the floor. “Good afternoon, sir. What are you working on, if you don’t mind me asking?” Bending over, you pretended to adjust the strap of your heel, which made your skirt rise up at the back. 

Steve, whose cheeks had turned a very bright shade of red at how much skin you were showing, had to restrain himself from barging into the room and compromising the mission by pummeling the target to death when he saw how the sleaze had eyed your rising skirt. 

Turning around, you flashed the man an innocent smile, full-well knowing what you had just done. It seemed as if all sense had been lost the moment you had stepped foot into the room as the man immediately blabbed everything to you, spilling all the secrets related to the project and giving you the confession you needed all around.

For a moment, you flashed a triumphant smirk before quickly wiping it off, replacing it back again with a carefree smile. “Well, I’ll be off then,” Hearing those words from your mouth, Steve let out a breath he had not known he had been holding, glad that you didn’t need to go any further than bending down to seduce the man. 

However, that contentment was short lived when the target had shot out of his seat, lunging forward to grip onto your wrist, forcing you to spin around right into his arms as he hungrily attacked your lips. That same green jealousy consumed him, ridding of all rationality he had as he directed his anger to the screen, smashing his fist into it and cracking the glass. 

If the target had been old or ugly, perhaps Steve wouldn’t have been as jealous as he was. Unfortunately, Steve had to begrudgingly admit, the man wasn’t that bad looking, he seemed around your age and looked like someone you would probably go on a few dates with. 

Blinded with rage, Steve threw open the door of the van, storming out of the vehicle, not even bothering to even come up with a half-hearted excuse to the soldiers as he walked off into the distance, hoping for his jealousy to simmer down. 

3.

This might be, perhaps, the dumbest person to be jealous of. He knew you and Tony were just best friends, in fact, he would go even as far as to say that you two were almost like siblings. However, the number of times you had canceled on your plans with him over Tony was just frustrating and caused that familiar feeling of jealousy to stir inside of him. 

It was always Tony this, Tony that, and the billionaire would always find some way to squeeze himself into any plans you and Steve made together. Don’t get him wrong, Steve liked Tony, no matter how infuriating the playboy could get sometimes. He secretly enjoyed Stark’s jokes and appreciated his ability to face any challenge with a grin. 

However, the war hero hated how easily and effortlessly Tony could just whisk you away from whatever plans the two of you made. Whenever you canceled on him, Steve always felt a spark of resentment not only towards Tony but you as well. 

You could have just as easily declined Tony’s pleas to join the both of you or simply inform the genius you already had plans but you never did. Despite how you were also partially to blame, he could never be angry at you for long. The moment you gave him a genuine apology with your eyes trained on the floor, shame and guilt worn on your face, he immediately forgave you. 

How could he not? 

With these thoughts swirling in his mind, Steve picked at his food, pushing it around his plate absentmindedly as the chattering around him faded into the background. “Tony, could you help me order my food while I go to the toilet?” Your sweet voice brought the Captain back to reality as you rose up from your seat, leaning down to brush your lips against Tony’s cheek before sauntering towards the bathroom. 

Glaring long and hard at the spot where you had grazed your lips against, Steve didn’t even try to mask his displeasure this time, openly showing his distaste towards Tony. Noticing the enraged look Steve was shooting him, a familiar smirk made Tony tug up one corner of his lips, the crinkles by his eyes becoming more prominent as mischief danced in his brown orbs. 

“It’s funny, you know?” Tony let out a bark of laughter, leaning forward eagerly as he placed his neatly folded hands on the table. Seeing Steve’s raised eyebrow, Tony scoffed loudly while rolling his eyes. “You aren’t exactly very discreet with your crush on Y/N, no matter how much you think you are.” 

At first, he wanted to deny Tony’s words, maybe brush it off and laugh at Stark, make the billionaire believe that his theory was nothing short but wrong. However, seeing the raised eyebrow and conceited look on Tony’s face, Steve knew that no matter what he said, Tony would not back down from his accusations and stand by them firmly. 

Instead, the blond widened his eyes, scooting his chair nearer to the table, tilting forward as he looked at Tony with furrowed eyebrows. Eyes darting side to side, he made sure you weren’t anywhere near as he whispered sharply, “Is it that obvious?” 

Receiving a pair of rolled eyes as a response, Tony replied sharply with exasperation laced in his voice, “Of course it is! Everyone, even strangers, can see your crush on Y/N. The only one that doesn’t seem to be getting the hint is the woman herself.” 

Drumming his fingers against the table, Steve pursed his lips as his face remained void of emotions. “But I get why you would have a crush on her. She’s hot.” Tony stated bluntly, shrugging his shoulders at his offhanded remark as Steve found himself involuntarily clenching his fists in anger.

Before the captain could think of a rebuttal — that would definitely be said in a dignified manner and not show how affected he was by Tony’s statement — you approached the table with a beam on your face, and his mind went blank, all previous anger now forgotten. 

4.

Shooting his best ‘America’s-Golden-Boy’ smile, Steve was surprised at how genuine and easy it came to him. He had expected to use a fake smile, the type that he wore on his face at interviews with extremely rude reporters — strained, tired and downright fed up — but as ‘Spiderman’ approached him with nimble, hesitant footsteps while rubbing the back of his neck nervously, Steve had suddenly found himself excited to meet the young superhero again. 

“Sorry about that time at the airport,” The blond immediately apologised, reaching out a hand to give the young man a firm handshake. The masked hero forced out a hesitant laugh, involuntarily wincing at the recollection of how pain had repeatedly shot up his body whenever Steve either threw a punch or his shield at him. 

“As much as I don’t like the thought of a young man like you getting into battle with the possibility of dying, I have no right to tell you what to do, especially since I was only a teenager when I joined the army,” Steve mustered out a forced chuckle, giving a tiny shrug, his eyes glazing over as memories from his time in the war filled his mind, a faraway look now crossing his face. 

Bringing himself out of an unwanted memory, which consisted of the limp bodies of soldiers piled on top of one another and bathed in blood, Steve noticed with a slight jolt that the red and blue clad superhero was staring at him with concern. 

“Uh... Are you alright, Mr. Rogers?” The youth asked worriedly, peering at Steve anxiously while fiddling with some machinery attached to his wrists. Nodding his head, Steve gave a half-hearted wave and insisted, “I’m fine, just lost in thought. Thank you for asking, Mr-” The captain halted hesitantly, not sure how to address the young man in front of him. 

Yelping out a sudden ‘oh’, the teenager unintentionally started to speak so quickly that Steve could barely keep up with what he was saying, only managing to catch a few words and get the drift that the younger male was deciding whether it would be appropriate for him to reveal his identity. 

Finally realising that Steve had a puzzled expression on his face, the teenager simply sighed, muttering an apology before reaching his hands upwards to fumble with the ends of his mask. After a few whispered curses, the shorter male managed to tug off his mask, revealing a youthful face with the widest brown eyes Steve had ever seen. 

Embarrassed at how long he took to get off his mask, the brunet’s cheeks were flushed as he stuttered out, “I’m... Uh... I’m Peter! Peter Parker,” Shocked by how young Spiderman, Peter, looked, Steve tried his best to keep the expression on his face as blank as possible, all the while wondering how could Stark send a high school kid into a battle. 

“Ms. Evans?” Peter suddenly shrieked out, desperately trying to stuff his head back into his mask again. Turning around, Steve found himself staring at the most beautiful set of eyes, belonging to none other than you. Shaking your head, an entertained smile took over your face whilst you gave a slight nod of acknowledgment, drawling out Peter’s name slowly. 

Extremely confused as to what was going on, Steve watched you walk off, ignoring the questions he shouted in your direction purposefully. “That’s- Ms. Evans, my English teacher! Wait, she’s an Avenger? How did I-” Peter spluttered out helplessly, unknowingly answering the question of ‘how do you know Peter’ that Steve had been shouting to you previously.

Finally, the captain understood what all those hushed conversations between you and Tony had been about. Tony had sent you, the only Avenger that Peter had never seen yet, to the boy’s school to ensure his safety and observe him. 

“Makes sense why so many students think that she’s hot...” Peter trailed off dreamily, staring at where you had stood before turning around the corner. 

Expectedly, jealousy flared up in Captain America again and the thought of an entire high school of hormonal students pining after you flashed in his mind, giving him the urge to either bash his fists into a wall or force Tony to change your name to ‘Mrs. Evans’ in the school system.

“Welcome to the Avengers,” Steve forced the words out through his gritted teeth, faking his enthusiasm this time. However, when he saw the hopeful look of a boy trying to be treated and respected as a man, so similar to what he had seen in the mirror when he was younger, all traces of the green-eyed monster disappeared and an honest smile overtook the blond’s features again. 

+1.

Laughter filled the entire room as Tony finished recounting a joke, something Steve could vaguely remember being related to him. Honestly, he couldn’t recall a single word of what anybody had been saying this entire evening unless it had come out from your mouth or involved you. 

A fond smile found it’s way onto Steve’s face as he watched you laugh, your head thrown back and nose scrunched up in the most adorable way possible. If someone was to ask him what was his favourite sound in the world, it would be your laughter. It didn’t matter if it was loud enough to fill a room or soft enough to be considered a giggle, your laughter would always be melodious to him. 

“I can’t believe you did that!” You managed to choke out between laughs, your eyes bright with amusement and tenderness. Taking Steve’s flushed cheeks as embarrassment, a cheeky grin stretched across your face before you began another round of laughter. 

The rising smile on the blond’s face was immediately wiped off and replaced with a scowl when he saw Sam casually slinging an arm around your shoulder to pull you closer to him. Just when Steve thought things couldn’t get any worse, he watched as you curled your legs to the side, inching closer to Sam and practically nuzzling your cheek into his chest. 

When had this happened? 

At first, Steve’s heart had clenched in such a painful manner that he could easily say it was the most pain he had ever felt, and the man had suffered from a lot of fatal blows in his lifetime. But after the overwhelming sadness had hit him, he wasn’t surprised to feel a spark of jealousy that grew into a flame when you laid your head on Sam’s shoulder. 

The green-eyed monster seemed to have been visiting him more often recently and he knew if he didn’t act on his feelings for you soon, the jealousy would overtake his mind and the outcome would not be pretty. Clenching his fists in hopes of relieving some of his anger, he averted his gaze on you, not able to bear the longing looks being exchanged between you and Sam. 

Nonetheless, the moment he heard snickering from the other members, he turned his head in the same direction where everyone had trained their eyes on, only to catch you pulling away from Sam after giving him a lazy kiss on the cheek. 

The way Sam’s face literally lit up forced guilt to rise up in the blond’s chest. Sam was one of his closest friends and if he liked you, what gave Steve the right to stop the two of you from liking each other? He wanted the both of you to be happy. 

He didn’t own either of you and the two of you could do whatever you pleased, even if it meant each time you brushed your lips over someone’s skin, Sam’s skin, his heart would be torn apart all over again. 

Unfortunately, when Clint had fondly recounted a story of the time his children had played Truth or Dare, Tony piped up with the idea to play that particular game, with the intention to supposedly ‘feel young again’. 

Noticing the mischief that twinkled in the billionaire’s eyes as he glanced between Steve, Sam and you, the war hero grew wary, knowing that whatever was about to come out of the brunet’s mouth would ruin his entire evening even more. 

“Rogers!” Tony exclaimed, his slightly unfocused eyes from drinking too much couldn’t hide the calculating look he sent to the super soldier. “You in or out, old man?” Noting the way the genius kept sending everyone — apart from you and Steve — a smirk accompanied by crinkles at the corners of his eyes, the blond simply shook his head, not offering any excuse except for the disapproving stare directed towards the playboy. 

Deliberately rolling his eyes to annoy Steve further, Tony waved him off before the familiar glint returned back into his eyes, no longer phased by the former rejecting to play the game. Clicking his fingers in your direction, Tony asked, “Y/N, truth or dare?” 

“Do I look like I’m you, Stark? Dare.” 

Hearing the insult that came from your mouth, Tony started arguing with you, the fondness in both your voices giving away the fact that none of you meant what you said. The friendly banter ceased when Natasha gave an exaggerated huff, neither of you wanting to get on the assassin’s bad side. 

“Right, I dare you to kiss Sam on the mouth for more than ten seconds. Also-” The playboy was cut off by what sounded like a growl and indeed, when everyone turned in the direction of where the sudden noise had come from, they were face to face with their captain. 

Shooting out of his seat quickly, Steve casted Tony a heated glare and proceeded to storm out of the room, his squared shoulders giving away the fact that he, Captain ‘always remain calm and rational’ Rogers, was downright furious. 

A moment of silence settled amongst the rest of the Avengers before being broken by the sound of your bare feet padding against the floor, following the same route the footsteps before you had taken, and leaving the rest of the team behind.

Finally, you arrived at the top of the building, immediately drawn to the towering figure that stood out against the night backdrop. Approaching the figure, you ran your hands up and down your arms, the cold night air sending shivers coursing throughout your body.

“Steve, are you alright?” Peering at him anxiously, you caught the corner of your bottom lip with your teeth unconsciously, unaware of the pink forming on the man’s cheeks. Trying his best to ignore the pounding of his heart, Steve managed to choke out a ‘yes’, averting your steely gaze by pretending to be invested in the night scenery around him.

However, the thought of your lips pressed hard against Sam’s suddenly flashed in his mind, scarily vivid and almost as if it was happening right in front of him. “Actually, no,” Steve stated, the fear, of never knowing the possibility of whether you returned his feelings, taking control of his actions.

Too late to turn back now, the soldier ran his fingers through his hair nervously, disbelief flickering in his eyes at the thought of finally professing his longtime feelings for you. Trying to delay the inevitable, Steve slipped off his sweatshirt, revealing a tight-fitting shirt underneath.

With red tainting your cheeks, you silently cursed, yet at the same time, thanked whatever or whoever made Steve always wear such shirts. 

“Here, you seem cold,” The blond uttered while passing over his hoodie, the unbelievably soft material grazing your fingers before enveloping you in warmth. Muttering a half-hearted thanks, you were far too distracted by the pine and cinnamon scent surrounding you, coming from the clothing just passed to you.

Chastising yourself to focus, your eyes were suddenly filled with warmth and concern, and Steve barely managed to hear the question you had just asked, too engrossed in soaking up the view right in front of him; you drowning in his sweatshirt, with the moon shining behind your head, acting as a halo to an actual angel.

“So, what’s wrong?” Reaching out a hand, you ran your thumb on the back of his hand, mustering a comforting smile directed at him. “I...” Steve trailed off, gulping down the words he had planned to say to you for months, no longer confident of confessing to you.

Suddenly, the image of you no longer in his sweatshirt but in Sam’s invaded all the thoughts in his mind and the familiar flare of jealousy lighted inside of him, ridding of all traces of insecurity and replacing it with an utmost confidence, and a tad bit of aggressiveness.

Curling his fingers around your wrist, he pulled you towards him abruptly, wrapping his other arm around your waist, forcing your bodies to mold against one another comfortably. Red danced across his vision as Steve found himself smashing his lips onto yours, both arms now firmly gripping your waist.

When he felt you kissing back just as eagerly, he was only furthermore encouraged and pressed his lips harder, delight filling him as you both fought for control, consoling him that he wasn’t the only one who was invested in this and you were as equally optimistic as him.

He could feel your hands running up and down his back, and as nice as it felt, the only thing that he could concentrate on was the warmth of your lips, and how inviting it felt. However, when Steve was able to feel your teeth pressing against his, he realised how aggressive the kiss was and immediately pulled away.

Heart speeding up, he felt a twinge of pride when he saw how flushed your face was, your loud breaths filling the silence between the two of you. With his hands still coiled around your waist, he felt the steady rise and fall of his chest, in sync with yours, noticing how you were both equally worked up.

“I’m guessing you like me?” You teased, using this opportunity to cover up how breathless you really were. Gnawing on his bottom lip, Steve tried his best to smother the moan that was building over every passing second you spent tangling your fingers in his hair.

Running his tongue over his slightly bruised lips from feverishly making out with you, a shiver went down your spine as you watched him. “I’ve liked you since the very moment I laid my eyes on you and loved you since the very moment I spoke to you," The Captain looked at you with half-lidded eyes, which barely covered up his fully blown pupils and the adoration shining in them.

Heat rose to your entire face yet again just when the blush from the kiss had begun to subside. Resisting the urge to squirm under the intensity of Steve’s blue eyes focused on you, you opted to draw your lip in with your teeth, unknowing of what that simple action did to Steve.

Steve’s groan was muffled as he leaned down to mold his lips with yours again, the kiss the complete opposite of the previous one. It was as meaningful as the first one except slower, which allowed both of you time to savour the feeling of each other’s lips on one other and how perfect they fitted together.

Humming in approval against Steve’s lips, you made a sound similar to a whimper when the man pulled away from you once again. “Wait, so does this mean you like me?” Steve asked bashfully, genuine confusion in his eyes.

Unable to stop the laugh that bubbled out of your throat, your eyes shined with love as you answered back plainly with no hesitation. “Steven Grant Rogers, I love you. I’ve loved you for the longest time and will continue loving you for the rest of our future,”

“Our?” The blond asked in awe, his eyes wide whilst he soaked in the information, not able to believe that his dreams were finally coming true. Your giggle rang in Steve’s ears as you nodded in response, tugging the man towards you to draw him in for another kiss.

(++1

“I thought you like Sam?” Steve managed to breathe out between kisses and you shook your head persistently and firmly in response. “Sam? We're just friends. Besides,” You laughed, giving Steve a playful nudge. “He's interested in T'challa. Very interested,”)

[mshelenahandbag]

2017 - Year of the Laura Dern

Laura Dern is having the best year of her career, or anyone else’s for that matter. 

I could just end this article here, but you know I have to tell you WHY. Laura Dern has, for me, been constantly impressive with her acting prowess from a young age. My first memory is seeing her as Dr. Ellie Sattler in Jurassic Park, and even back then, little didn’t-know-I-was-gay-yet me loved the cool female paleontologist. (Looking back she also had THE best lines (“we can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back!”), most famous of them all being during Goldblum’s “Man creates dinosaurs” soliloquy – “Dinosaurs EAT man….woman inherits the Earth.”) She’s always played interesting characters, but, for me, has never really had her breakthrough with mainstream television and film.

Until this year where Laura Dern has excelled in four projects and netted her first Emmy victory!

Sure, she’s had her accolades with David Lynch’s Blue Velvet and Wild At Heart and her notable appearance as the woman Ellen DeGeneres came out to on Ellen. But never anything truly concrete to make a large cross-section of people go “wow.” She’s always, at least to me, been good for niche groups.  Her last Golden Globe win was for the HBO series Enlightened where she played self-destructive executive Amy Jellicoe, and she got an Oscar nomination for 2015’s Wild as Reese Witherspoon’s mother.

Wild director Jean-Marc Vallee is one of the main reasons we’re buzzing about Laura Dern’s 2017 renaissance. He definitely saw something in Dern, and her chemistry with Witherspoon, because the two would reunite and butt heads in HBO’s Big Little Lies – exhibit A in her best year. While everyone was obsessed with the performances Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman and Shailene Woodley gave as the main trio of Madeline, Celeste and Jane (as they rightly should because the series is just that flawless), my focus was on Laura Dern embodying Renata Klein, queen of the helicopter moms in Monterey.

Dern’s Renata had me shouting EMMY long before others jumped on the bandwagon. There’s a scene in the second episode where the birthday party for Amabella, Renata’s daughter, is derailed by Madeline - out for blood when Renata didn’t invite Ziggy, Jane’s son. So Madeline comes back and gets plenty of comped tickets for Disney on Ice so everyone cancels on the birthday party. Renata hits the ceiling, calmly, telling her friend Harper (who bears the unfortunate duty of informing Renata) “Ok. Thank you.”

Harper tries to mediate with “Let us all get along-”

But Renata comes back with the AMAZING over the top…well…this.

“I SAID THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!”

Whether ad-libbed on the spot or script, this moment of hilarity, for me, from Renata made her one of the best characters this year on any show. Showing perfectly poised Renata lose it time and time again, especially when threatening her husband (“I will take my hands and put them around your throat!”) or Madeline (“I’ll even get Snow White to sit on your husband’s face. Maybe Dumbo can take a squat on yours”) was a highlight week after week. The entire series was worth of every Emmy it garnered and survived a potential shutout from FX’s Feud: Bette and Joan but if anything, Laura Dern was the only one out of those nominated that truly deserved to win.

From here, Laura Dern turned from psycho mom to plain old psycho in Netflix’s Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt as Wendy Hebert – who’s set to marry Kimmy’s old pastor. It’s a brief guest starring role, but Dern adds so much in those 20 minutes and delivers a fully-formed character. Wendy starts off so innocent, but the more we spend time with her and Kimmy (Ellie Kemper), the more we realize how unstable she is. Plus she helps Kimmy to confront some real traumas the reverend has inflicted on her, and she also delivers one of my favorite lines in the three seasons of the show as she confides in Titus (Tituss Burgess): “If we only see each other one hour a week, he’ll never realize what a useless piece of crap I am and he’ll love me forever, and that’s what I deserve!” In short, Dern’s portrayal of a woman with absolutely zero self-worth is hysterical.

And from here, Laura Dern’s year hits its zenith with Twin Peaks as she plays long-heard-about-but-never-seen Diane: Agent Dale Cooper’s secretary to whom he has dictated all of his many tapes. Laura Dern’s work with David Lynch has always been fantastic: whether in Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, Industrial Symphony No. 1, or Inland Empire – it’s clear that Lynch knows how to get the best results out of her craft. And that’s the reason why her work as Diane is probably a role we will be talking about for years to come.

We meet Diane Evans as a chain-smoking foul-mouthed goddess who was my favorite part of the mindfuck of this 18-part opus. I seriously loved every time Dern, in her platinum bob wig would take a drag off her cigarette and generally her conversations would consist of “Fuck you [insert name here].” She played so well off her director Lynch as FBI agent Gordon Cole and the late Miguel Ferrer as FBI agent Albert Rosenfeld. But one of my favorite moments came when newbie Tammy Preston (Chrysta Bell) tries to thank Diane for helping them, only to be met with this-

Diane: “What did you say your name was again?”

Tammy: “Tammy.”

Diane: “Fuck you, Tammy.”

I laughed way too hard at this, for way too long. Diane’s modus was basically this for a few episodes but about halfway through the series, her mood changed. We saw her visibly uncomfortable speaking with Mr. C, Cooper’s evil doppelganger BOB created. She revealed that Cooper (Mr. C) had come to see he years ago, but refused to elaborate. We later her she and Mr. C were in cahoots, via text. Was THAT why Diane was so crazy? Diane seemed to be cool when Gordon Cole offered her a slot on the infamous Blue Rose team – investigating supposed paranormal encounters.

“Let’s rock.” Diane said, her index and middle fingers down.

Here is where I said “Something’s up.” You could easily explain her wayward associations with Mr. C, but those two words were uttered by The Man From Another Place in the original series. It’s not just a nudge-wink happenstance, it’s a deliberate clue from Lynch that something is off with Diane. And that comes to fruition twice as the series comes to a close. In part 14, we learn that Dougie Jones’s fingerprints match Cooper’s, and Diane reveals that Janey-E, Dougie’s wife is Diane’s half-sister. No simple coincidence, again.

In part 16 when the actual Cooper emerges from a coma (long story….), Diane receives another text from Mr. C. She goes to meet with Cole, Albert and Tammy and finally reveals what happened the night Mr. C came to see her. He raped her – and it affected her. Dern’s face telling this story is so genuinely pained and she just nails this. Then Diane begins to act odd….really odd, even for this show. She convulses and says “I’m in the sheriff’s station. I’m in the sheriff’s station. I sent him those coordinates, because…I’m not me.” Diane eyes the gun in her purse, Albert’s on edge and Diane pulls hers out only to be shot by Albert and Tammy before being whisked away by some unseen force. Tammy remarks she’s seen a real tulpa (a manifestation) and we cut to the Red Room in the Black Lodge. Yep, Diane was “manufactured.” But what about her cryptic statement “I’m in the sheriff’s station”? Well as luck would have it, we wouldn’t have to wait long to find that out.

In the finale of the series, we learn that the eyeless Naido who helped Cooper out of the Lodge and who Andy rescued, was actually our Diane. A quick fight took care of Mr. C and once the genuine article Dale Cooper lays eyes on Naido, she becomes our Laura Dern again and they kiss.

Then it gets weird.

Cooper pulls a Back to the Future Part II seeing the events of Fire Walk With Me play out – only this time he stops Laura Palmer from being murdered. We cut to the Black Lodge and Cooper and Diane are both there. Then they’re driving on a highway for 430 miles, cross over an electrical grid and check into a motel to have sex.

This is Diane’s final scene of the series and I love how Dern hearkens back to what she told Cole and the FBI earlier about her rape. You still see the pain and confusion on Dern’s face, especially because we’re unsure if this is OUR Cooper, Mr. C or a hybrid of the two. It’s such a fitting end for her work on one of the best shows of 2017, and her exit opens a whole new mystery.

The next morning, Diane’s gone and a note from “Linda” to “Richard” is left for Cooper and leaves us wondering if in a world where Laura Palmer has been saved – has absolutely everything changed? Is Dale Cooper now Richard and is Diane Evans now Linda? (Way more to say on this for a Twin Peaks fan theory thesis later, especially with the role of Carrie Page.)

I didn’t even need to see Laura Dern in Star Wars Episode VIII-The Last Jedi in her role as Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo to know it will be amazing. I knew that from the casting, from her stills with the late Carrie Fisher (something I’m eagerly looking forward to) and the gorgeous Annie Leibowitz photos in Vanity Fair revealing that gorgeous lilac hair. But upon seeing Rian Johnson’s masterpiece that has become the crown jewel for me and many other (but not all) STAR WARS fans, I got to see Dern cap her banner year off in the most fabulous and wonderful style.

When General Leia Organa is unconscious from a First Order attack on the Resistance, command falls to Holdo. Dern and Oscar Isaac’s Poe Dameron immediately clash, and it’s breathtaking to watch. Holdo wants to load unarmed transports to try and escape to nearby Crait – home of an abandoned Resistance base – and Poe so strongly disagrees with her that he mutinies and relieves her of command (only for himself to be relieved by General Organa stunning him). Holdo remains on ship while the remaining Resistance flee to Crait, and as the First Order begins firing on transport ships. Holdo decides to make a stand and engage the ship to lightspeed, directly at the First Order’s ships. Hyperspace jumps only work when a ship is totally free and clear to maneuver. So if a ship’s in the way, it’s not gonna be pretty.

And it isn’t. Rian Johnson shows the devastation in a soundless scene that cements Holdo’s beautiful and poignant sacrifice. Dern’s time in the Star Wars universe may have been brief but Holdo is a character anyone should be proud to look up to: willing to step up when it matters and sacrifice everything for the needs of the many (…Wait that’s Star Trek…)

Laura Dern’s 2017 is something that won’t be duplicated any time soon, and it’s a career testament to one of Hollywood’s best actresses finally getting the recognition she has beyond deserved.

[lilliesbrooklyn]

Well, that was fun while it lasted.

Just before moving to Brooklyn in January 2017, I promised myself that I’d actively work on dating.  Not just, “see what happens” when I’m at brunch with my friends, but put in effort. Try online dating again, accept invitations to hang out, let people know that I’m interested in finding a good someone, and if they know a guy who knows a guy, then hook a girl up.  So to online dating I went,  “OK Cupid” to be exact.  If you don’t know much about online dating, then know that it’s full of both glorious opportunities and painful reminders of why the world is soon coming to an end. 

But guess what?  This time around, I got a glorious opportunity with a young man whom we’ll call “Marriott”.  Marriott and I had good online banter, so when he asked to have my number, I happily agreed.  For the next month (yes, a whole month) we text and spoke on the phone.  99.99% of the time, I believe in meeting an online connection within a week, two max.  I don’t want to create any emotional or idealized attachments to the person I think you are and then you show up looking and behaving like my worst nightmare.

But with Marriott, I was ok with the “delay”.  Firstly, because I was traveling a lot around that time, and wasn’t that available.  Secondly, something about this man made me think that he was exactly who I thought he was.  He likely was that interesting.  He likely was that funny.  And he probably was that handsome.  It was a hunch, and I went with it.  But we all have to bite the bullet.

After about 4 weeks of getting to know each other over the phone, he set a date, time and location. I arrived early and sit at the bar.  With my back turned to the entrance, he had to walk up behind me.  I heard my name, swiveled my chair around to greet him, and voilà.... he was as handsome as his pictures! He even smelled heavenly!  I gave God a fist bump and Marriott and I started our two-month romance. From that day onward, we communicated everyday.  The energy between us was pretty intense and we admitted to each other that it was opening us up faster than our normal dating pace.  I had never experienced that type of electricity.  Afternoon flirty messages. Evening dates.  2am phone conversations. Drinking games. Gay dance parties. Restaurants. Pool hall. Inside jokes. He was a lot of fun and I was into him.

So my first hunch was right!  All the good and excitement I felt towards him over the phone were confirmed in person.  Then came a second hunch; I had this feeling that he wasn’t very mature.  Specifically, that he was going to enjoy spending time with me and continue making me feel special, but only as long as it was fun for him.  If it were to ever stop being new and fun, then he wouldn’t be the same.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting an exciting relationship, no one chases after boring, but it was more than that.  He struck me as an insatiable thrill seeker who couldn’t be in one situation for long.  If the relationship didn’t feel like bungie jumping every time, then he would bow out.  Why did I think that? There were no red flags, no off-kilter comments on his part, no cancelled dates or broken promises; just another hunch based on his lifestyle. I didn’t say anything about it to him or make any sudden moves; I just kept that hunch in the back of my mind,

We were going good and strong for about two months.  He even dropped what I thought to be a sly hint about me being his girlfriend - and then it happened. Two days before I took my two-week international trip, I didn’t hear from him. The day before my trip, I didn’t hear from him. The morning of, I didn’t hear from him.  Remember, up to that point, we were communicating every day and he was excited for me and my vacation. Soooo, the man who made googly eyes at me, didn’t contact me before I was scheduled to leave the country, and lose communication with him for a majority of my trip? Suspicious.

So, trying to be “mature” and not “overthink” things, I reached out to him before I boarded my flight.  He text me back, but it felt like I was receiving robotic responses. “That’s cool.” “When do you board?” “Ok.” “Have fun.” There was no phone call, no sweet messages, no excitement, no “let me know when you land”. I felt like I got, “Aight, peace out homie!”  I was annoyed, disappointed and nervous that this was the beginning of the end.  But you know what you not gon’ do?  Mess up my family vacation that we’ve been planning since the summer prior.  So I boarded my flight and hoped that I was reading too much into it.  Oh, but I wasn’t!

Marriott’s failure to call me the day of my trip was suspicious. Suspicion then turned into semi-confirmation when, during my trip, he would take a while to respond to my texts.  I’m out here in Nigeria, and took the time to text your ashy ass and send you dope pics of the Motherland, yet you want to take your whole sweet time to respond?  Yeah, I knew then that that brother was no longer thinking about me.  But, because I was into him, I thought, Well, he just started an intense masters program, and he did tell me that when he gets into school mode, he goes hard.  So, he’s just busy.  But we all know that when a man is into you, no matter what he has going on, he will manage to call you with a tin can and some string.

But, no matter how many excuses you accept and justifications you concoct, there’s always a last-straw moment.  Mine came when I returned from vacation, offered to celebrate Marriott’s birthday with him and he said My friends have something planned for me, I’ll get back to you. That was it.  I told myself, ”bitch, he gone!”  After that, I received no more texts, phone calls, or date invitations.  He ghosted me so badly, that I thought maybe I was the one who was dead and didn't know it. #sixthsense

And who shows up after I feel wronged? Pride! She enters the room with big stylish dark glasses, heels, lipstick popping and a big bag full of zero fucks.  If he doesn’t want to call me, then so be it.  I didn’t do anything wrong. He was kind of immature anyway.  Thank goodness it was only two months. Thank goodness I didn’t sleep with him.  But though there were no fucks in the bag she was carrying, there were some in my bedroom closet.  And at night, they crept out and asked, What did I do wrong here? Did I not give him something he needed? Did I forget to do or say something? Was he dating someone else the entire time and they decided to become official?  After all that quality time and intimacy, he couldn’t even text to say he was moving on?  Insert bruised ego, insecurity, confusion and a call to Verizon just to make sure my phone wasn’t jacked up. #youneverknow

Pride also told me not to reach out to him.  Reaching out was akin to being “pressed”. Why should I be pressed over someone who couldn't show me common decency?  So I “moved on”, just like he did.  But not really, because I was forced to move on; whereas he happily and eagerly chose to move on.  But, because I felt entitled to an explanation, and the situation was still super bizarre to me, I text him about one month later (Yeah, I now, super late.  Ego wouldn't let me do it sooner).  I carefully crafted that text message. The effort was worthy of a doctorate. It was cool and honest.  No sarcasm or blame. I let him know that I wasn’t sure what happened between us, that I wished we had talked about it, but that I didn’t regret our time together and had a lot of fun with him. His response? Nothing. Not even a whisper emoji.  But I expected that, I hoped to be wrong, but I expected that.  Me reaching out to him was more an exercise in vulnerability and closure, than anything else.

Within three months, I met a guy who had me mentally open, shared super fun experiences with me, cracked me the hell up, held my hand during the movies, made me feel desired, and then slipped out the back door when I went on vacation; without even leaving a “Dear John” letter.  And therein lies the dating jungle.  Sometimes it’s bright and warm and full of life.  Other times, it’s icy and cold and you’re forced to huddle with a salamander for warmth.  Either way, you stay out there until you find what you’re looking for.  Even if you aren't actively “hunting”, you’re still in the jungle and need to take precautions. You continuously need to prop yourself up and care for yourself.  You nurse your wounds, and also the wounds of others. To not do so is the death of hope. Marriott was my first Brooklyn dating experience and I can still smile about it. I smile about the fun we had. I smile because if I could meet him, then it means I can meet another one like him (minus the ghosting).  My smile lets me know that I’m still here for it, still hopeful and willing to fight for the possibility of love.

Do I regret dating him? No.

What would I do differently? After noticing the ghosting, instead of being prideful, I would have called him right away and asked, “Miley, what’s good?” Also, I would have kept the Motherland pictures to myself.  He did not deserve them. Ha!

What did I learn? When you’re with someone you really enjoy, it’s easy. The conversations are easy, the laughs are authentic, and the positive energy can be seen and felt. If you don’t feel it, don’t force it.

And for those who are interested, below is my closure text to Marriott.

#datingjungle

[junker-town]

How the NBA’s suspended season will affect its best teams

The implications of the NBA’s suspended season for its best teams.

These are the implications of the NBA’s suspended season for the best teams in the league.

Before Covid-19’s accelerated, unnerving reach made everyday life feel like it was dangling by a thread, the NBA was connective tissue for millions of people who treated any random weeknight’s slate of games as both part of their daily routine and the most reliable way to preoccupy areas of the brain that might otherwise be wracked with anxiety or stress.

My doctor instructed me to self-quarantine for at least 14 days after I came in contact with Rudy Gobert and Donovan Mitchell at Madison Square Garden earlier this month. Actually testing for the coronavirus isn’t an option, so I’ve bunkered down in my apartment, writing, podcasting, reading books (a new copy of David Halberstam’s classic The Breaks of the Game has been sitting on my night table for the past few weeks), and, for my own sanity, stealing quick solitary walks around my Brooklyn neighborhood. I’ve also, off and on, thought about what all this means for the NBA, in a world where the line between temporary and permanent grows blurrier by the hour.

As trivial as this seems, with the league’s current season on the verge of cancellation, so many long-term consequences that are unrelated to epidemiology exist. For some, pondering what may or may not occur a few months from now is a valuable distraction. This is all bewildering on an unprecedented scale, and, frankly, slow-drip speculation about how an NBA team will look on the other side of such turbulence is almost peaceful; a way to make everything feel as normal as it possibly could be.

With all that in mind, here are some theoretical, fluttering implications for a few different teams, whether the season is cancelled tomorrow or postponed until after it would normally end.

Milwaukee Bucks

If the postseason is scrapped, no good team will be flung into a more sweeping state of uncertainty than Milwaukee. All year they were the NBA’s new boogeyman, stomping through 29 other teams with near-historic ferocity. But the Bucks also had questions that could only be answered in the playoffs, when we’d finally see how their successful albeit rigid system and rotation would translate, whether they’d need another playmaker, if Eric Bledsoe would melt into a puddle, etc.

Tied to those on-court topics is Giannis Antetokounmpo’s future. No playoffs means Antetokounmpo would be robbed an opportunity to learn some critical information about his team’s championship potential before they offer him a super-max extension during the offseason. If, in the absence of knowing how far his Bucks could’ve gone in the playoffs, Antetokounmpo turns down the offer and tells Bucks general manager Jon Horst he wants to play out the final year of his current contract and then play things by ear, how will Milwaukee respond?

Antetokounmpo is the exact type of franchise player who’s worth betting the farm on. Trading him would not be on the table unless he demanded it. But several teams — in larger markets, with more resources and attractive complementary pieces — will have max cap space in 2021, and an opportunity to sell him on their vision. Losing Antetokounmpo for nothing would obliterate a franchise that’s constructed around his generational ability.

The NBA’s economic future may change how players and owners view long-term, multi-million dollar contracts as a whole, but operating off how we currently see things, no team was more looking forward to the playoffs than Milwaukee, and no team better hope they’re still played, be it in empty arenas, practice facilities, or blacktop playgrounds.

Boston Celtics

Relatively speaking, the Celtics are in decent shape if no more games are played this season. They’re young, and Jayson Tatum’s emergence as (at least) a top-15 player over the past couple months allowed for a clear hierarchy to establish itself. The league’s sudden financial uncertainty all but guarantees Gordon Hayward will opt into his contract. Nothing is guaranteed in the NBA, but this team should have as much top-end continuity as any contender next year. If games resume in a couple months, that’s critical time for Kemba Walker’s knee to recover from whatever has been bothering it.

Brooklyn Nets

Remember when Kenny Atkison got fired 19 years ago? Well, even before that happened Brooklyn’s gap year was an unmitigated disaster. Kyrie Irving had season-ending shoulder surgery on March 3, and despite Caris LeVert’s crafty scoring prowess and Spencer Dinwiddie’s pseudo-all-star capability on any given night, the Nets were skidding into a buzzsaw, regardless of who they played in the first round.

Then, earlier this week, Kevin Durant and three of his teammates tested positive for coronavirus, firmly placing professional athletes in an important role they’ve had to fill: vanguards who can spread awareness and even some modicum of hope about an illness that could very well cripple every element of life as we knew it.

In a world where those four recover — along with every other player who tests positive in the coming weeks and months — and games resume, the delay could have the slightest of basketball-related silver linings.

Regardless of what Durant’s business partner Rich Kleiman has to say in the middle of March, if the NBA playoffs pick up in July and Durant is healthy enough to compete, knowing the following year won’t begin until Christmas, it’s hard to imagine him not itching to do so. This doesn’t mean Brooklyn would be considered a favorite to come out of the East, but if Durant is able to contribute for 30 minutes a night there’s no reason why they can’t upset the Toronto Raptors in the opening round.

The trickle down effect Durant’s mere presence would have on everybody else is huge. His all-time talent overrules the power of continuity and cohesion. Throw him the ball in the fourth quarter and get out of the way. With Dinwiddie, LeVert, and Joe Harris also on the floor, guarding Brooklyn’s offense would be agonizing.

As Rudy Gay told me in a conversation about the value of chemistry earlier this year: “It’d be tough not to be able to play with somebody like Kevin Durant.”

Philadelphia 76ers

It’s always hard to get a read on this year’s most disappointing team. Even if the season comes back, their pieces still won’t fit. Al Horford won’t be younger, have a quicker release on his three-point shot, or look more comfortable as the fifth option in Philadelphia’s starting lineup — assuming he won’t come off the bench.

But the larger question here surrounds Ben Simmons. If, by June, all concerns about his ailing back are gone and Joel Embiid miraculously shows up to the practice facility in shape, this team’s ceiling may rise closer to where it was back in October. A spark of optimism will be tied to the Sixers for the first time in a long time.

Utah Jazz

Whether games are played or not, the Jazz will be greeted by two seismic decisions shortly after the NBA calendar resumes. Gobert and Mitchell are both eligible for contract extensions during the offseason. Mitchell is a lock to receive a max offer, but Gobert, who qualified for the supermax when he made an All-NBA team last year, is in a different situation.

All data collected during the playoffs would be a critical factor here, and if Utah is robbed of a chance to see how Gobert would’ve performed in that setting with Mike Conley and Bojan Bogdanovic folded into their system, how would they approach it all? In other words, if Gobert — who turns 28 in June and just made his first all-star team — is expecting the supermax, how will negotiations go? To say nothing about the state of his relationship with Mitchell — a variable that obviously matters and is unknown at the moment — the Jazz probably don’t want to invest a healthy chunk of a dropping cap in someone who barely touches the ball.

As painful as it’d be considering they clearly saw themselves as a title contender before the season began, the Jazz may take a step back for the sake of their long-term health, by shopping Gobert, letting Conley walk in free agency, and then rebuilding around Mitchell. That or they’ll come to some sort of agreement with their franchise center that’s well under the max and carry on like the shrewd franchise they are.

Houston Rockets

If the season does not return then Mike D’Antoni has likely coached his final game in Houston. Daryl Morey might not be the man who gets to hire his replacement, either. And with no firm evidence as to how their small-ball strategy would work in the playoffs, PJ Tucker, Eric Gordon, Robert Covington, and every other Rocket not named James Harden or Russell Westbrook would immediately find themselves in trade rumors.

However, if this season does return, few, if any teams will benefit more from the extended break. The tax Houston pays with their physically exhausting style of play will be less steep if Tucker, Harden, and Westbrook have several months off to recharge their batteries and hit the ground running on a chase for their first title.

Golden State Warriors

Steph Curry returned from hand surgery shortly before the break, but the Warriors are too far behind in the standings for Klay Thompson’s health to matter, whether he’s good to go in June or not. Here’s another angle, though: What happens to their draft pick?

Assuming the Warriors are looking to move that asset for more win-now contribution at some point before the draft, how does the absence of March Madness, the combine, and every other annual way for teams to study prospects impact how said teams value the picks in this year’s pool? With no obvious franchise-altering player for the taking, and no opportunity for anyone to improve how they’re perceived by evaluators, is this year’s first overall pick the least important in recent NBA history? And if the Warriors get it, knowing their unusual circumstance for a team in that type of position, what will they do?

Los Angeles Lakers

Los Angeles Clippers

Ever since Kawhi Leonard chose the Los Angeles Clippers over the Los Angeles Lakers, the basketball world was building towards a showdown between those two teams. Apologies to the Bucks, Rockets, Celtics, and Raptors, but a playoff series that doesn’t leave Staples Center was always the most important subplot of the season.

If it does not return, both franchises are humongous losers. Each has tethered itself to the present day. All their draft picks and intriguing young talent can now be found in Oklahoma City and New Orleans. LeBron James is 35 years old. Leonard and Paul George are in the middle of their respective primes but can become unrestricted free agents in 2021.

Stripping both teams of the opportunity to capitalize on the amount of talent they’ve compiled in the here and now could crush basketball in Los Angeles, even if Anthony Davis re-signs a five-year deal with the Lakers this off-season (which, like everything else in the world right now, is so far from a sure thing).