#and for the aforementioned reasons i will. simply not be investigating the subject. so

[headless-horsepossum]

one thing that becomes clearer the older i get is that of the many bad things of varying degrees that have happened to me, both internally and externally, nothing has had as profound and persistent a traumatic effect as *checks notes* Going To School In America

[icemftmm]

An old video, but I have only recently cared to comment as a reaction to somebody asking in the comments if it did seem illegal to raid someone's home without warrants and without the homeowner being present. My comment:

The raid was also performed during Manson's honeymoon abroad. But the US authorities have failed the US citizen Marilyn Manson in more than one way.

A federal agent played coy when informed that actress Evan Rachel Wood and her intimate friend Ilma Gore had forged her signature and used her name on a fake FBI letter, which main purpose was to help recruit a number of women to file false accusations against Marilyn Manson. Note that despite the fact that she was first to attack Marilyn Manson with unproven accusations, Rachel Wood never bothered to file any charges officially. Even after the statute of limitations in California was lifted. She simply organized a group of people to do the dirty work for her.

Rachel Wood also used the fake FBI letter in order to obtain full custody of her son and take him away from the father. An atempt which after a 2-year long legal battle recently ended tragically for her since she completely lost the custody rights over the child herself.

In any way, upon one of Manson's lawyers informing aforementioned FBI agent of the fake letter, no reaction followed by her or the bureau despite the obvious impersonation of a federal agent comitted by the actress and her friend Ilma Gore which is a crime usually punished by prison time if proven.

Manson also received a series of subjective unfavorable judge rulings in his own civil case against the actress and her fellow forger in which he is trying to do the job of the FBI and get a sentence for the two insolent cons. The lawsuit was finally gutted and reduced to almost nothing after the judge refused Manson the right to limited discovery concerning the fake FBI letter and the deposition of Wood herself to be taken, as well as refusing to accept as evidence the sworn declaration of one of the main Manson's accusers who admitted to have placed false accusations after having been systmatically manipulated by Wood. The judge also ruled that the fake FBI letter is to be considered protected speech under the first amendment and not taken in consideration for the lawsuit. The reason: it was already submitted by Wood in the child custody court as evidence, so it was priviledged. The judge intentionally did not consider the fact that the other court had disregarded the letter after noticing it was fake.

The video said that Manson could not have Esme Bianco's case dismissed, but it did not mention the reason why although it is in direct relation to the raid mentioned in the title. Well, here it is: Bianco was outside statute of limitations for sex crime charges, so her lawyer played another card. He placed on her behalf charges for human trafficking! And in order to prove that there is base for such charges, the actress went to testify in front of the sheriff's department. Hence the raid. Police officers didn't even find drugs for personal use during the raid, nor any trace of criminal activity of any sosrts. So they took all the electronic devises they managed to find in the house in order to search for any piece of information on them which could point to any criminal activity whatsoever. Two years later, no results from this investigation. It has obviously been raised by Bianco in order to justify the charges she filed. Her lawsuit persisted enough so that Manson's insurance company would offer a small amount to the actress in order to settle her claims. She took the money and no word from her was heard ever again.

Strictly following the bidding of actress Rachel Wood however, the district attorney of LA still hasn't cleared Manson's name and closed the investigation.

So yes, a lot of "illegal" is going on when it comes to the Marilyn Manson situation.Показване на по-малко

[dhyanshiva]

Announcement

Posted and Pinned: 07.11.2023

Hi, so the short of it is that I will not be writing from February of 2024. This naturally means that by extension I will not be posting anything after 02.2024.

I will be uploading a standalone something on 20.11.23 and the final installment of 'the pool' series by the end of January. At most.

Note: I will not be clearing out my AO3 or disowning any existing works. The profile will remain on the platform as it is.

I will remain on socials, though, all platforms (to DM, serious post and shitpost as per usual). Yet to get used to discord because I haven't used it often but yeah.

Further explanation of this decision sits under the cut if you want to know more beyond this. It's a tad lengthy than is necessary but... whatever.

Going cold turkey is arguably worse. I think.

(I have tried to keep a rein on my... descriptions. Apologies if I have offended anyone, I did not mean to in the least)

CW// some swearing and overall negativity tbf

Right, so. After finally wrapping up a long term commitment on 30.10.23, I decided to give this decision, the finalisation of this announcement some time, aware that I could be thinking in haste or in some sort of reverb from all that. I have, however, been contemplating wiping my AO3 for a long while, so this has stemmed in some ways from that consideration.

Again, this will not be happening because the pieces on there are markers for me and apparently a source of escape for others. Some older pieces still get interacted with, which, while it mystifies me, is not my place to judge or question that.

The reasoning

Ok so no more faffing about.

Simply put, I'm in a lot of pain, have been for a long while. Longer than I wanted to admit to myself, even.

Work - Expression recently has been dominated by S1 of Cla$$ (Netflix India, 2023). Self evident. However, there's a range of storylines and plots that I have completely ignored - sidelined, disregarded, call it what you will - and remained... fixated on a select few. Chief of those being the highly subjective experience of grief and loss.

Yes, the running thread and temporal back and forth is rooted in the "investigation" of the central character's murder but let's be honest here.

Like... is it really that deep or had I leapt of the deep end preemptively?

Looking over at my AO3 now fills me with a strange sense of revulsion and incredulity. Apart from "Rise", I honestly cannot claim to have exercised or demonstrated any creativity. Nor has any catharsis that I so desperately hoped to 'achieve' been... achieved.

(Even in Rise itself, the graphic descriptions have no grounds - I ask myself more so now, how necessary was all that? Was it respectful, was it justified? The answer to these three, in my eyes is no.) I could've taken an implicit route but.. didn't.

So all of this, to what end? Just constantly relentlessly mixing canon with extrapolated and distorted amounts of pain. Some of it being my own. My perception of the reality of canon was unfortunately completely skewed by my own state of mind and carrying that forward, to me, was unacceptable beyond a certain point. Which I believe I have long since crossed.

The aforementioned October - end commitment has depleted me, had been leeching from me the whole while and has left me spent. I don't have energy for normalcy let alone the absurdity that is my "creativity".

The pieces I've written for my eyes only are also just... what the fuck. Truly some wild stuff. I have many issues, scattered liberally across these documents.

And all the ideas I have for existing WIPs sit on one hell of a spectrum. Some of my plotlines and dialogue ideas terrify and horrify even me - and trust me, my angst and pain threshold is unusually high. I cannot, with whatever conscience I have left, dig my claws into characters that aren't my intellectual property, nor can I inflict such harm on the characters that are mine and THEN put all that out into the world.

Nope. I'm quite the miserable and depressed cunt, frankly, but that's my problem, it doesn't have to be anyone else's.

I don't have it in me to continue writing for any media or for myself. I cannot imagine, envision, I cannot plan, I cannot create. I can't and am apprehensive to express myself with this medium because the extent of the abyss is unknown even to me and that is unacceptable. To me.

Until I can begin to heal from some long-standing things, I cannot hope. I cannot infuse a requisite and consistent amount of optimism, joy, love, peace in my writing.

Nothing that sustains, only demands, demands and destroys.

Unfortunately, I am not that talented to write from a separate space. Not in the least.

I can project till kingdom come, but consistently pummeling a narrative with unbridled agony is something I have no right to do. And the output you see is still highly filtered; no I don't ask you to imagine the starting point of it all. Highly unpleasant and triggering, to say the least.

I have to be healthier first for myself and then for my craft. And that's a long, long, non - linear and arduous journey.

Right, so, given that language and communication is something I rely heavily on, it's not that the ideas won't keep jostling about in my mind, but I won't put pen to paper, finger to keyboard for them.

I have experienced long bouts of writer's block and this is most definitely not that, by the way.

I do not have the capacity to find new media, God forbid my infliction on them too (so best avoided for the greater good).

Round off

(status updates as of date of posting: 07.11.23)

Ok so if this has made a modicum of sense (I'm just rawdogging this in the drafts, I can't touch my Notes app or GDOCs), I am going to confirm that of my existing ones, only "the pool" will get its... closure. Or whatever the fuck you'll call what is going down in P3. Sorry. In advance but also generally for the series.

[I mean let's be for fucking real here okay? I can't do, well * gestures * all that, INCLUDING ripping out the staircase scene for an important pair of characters' 'closure' and not at least attempt to justify all of it, I don't think]

DOS, though planned in its entirety will not be completed and its summary will be altered to indicate this.

The LIF series too, will only have two pieces and its completion status will be changed to 'yes' - it has these characters outlined, their respective docs buried:

The rest of the Manzoor family

Dhruv

Veer

Sharan

Suhani

Neeraj

Yep. That's about it. Nothing more, nothing less. If you wanted a rough idea on how any of these was going to traspire, feel free to DM me. Any and all queries will be addressed.

This announcement post will be linked to my 20.11.23 and Jan - mid / end upload and to my AO3 profile itself.

My Spotify Profile:

Conclusion

This is about it, at least without turning this into some even longer vent and woe betide me "fuck my life" rant when there are far far worse things happening around us. Also without being too transparent and TMI because... well duh.

Still, fairly long, I know. And I'm sorry for the same.

Last but most certainly not least,

Thank you for reading this, any of my work, and a sincere, specific thank you again - always indebted - to (you know exactly who you are) the wonderful people I've had the distinct honour of being introduced to via my writing endeavours.

Much love,

Dhyan x

P.S. what do you know, I've written this whole thing in English, no Hindi, Kannada or the unexpected German! I can in fact write in only English, just decided to be a nuisance in my pieces!

[If this ever changes, it will be unpinned accordingly x]

[erable-writes]

Prucan Week Day #6: Noble Souls

Day 6: Partnership, Duality, Union

Matthew didn't know why he was here. 

Really, he didn't belong. The gathering was for nobles, meant for the highest class and the most pure of blood. That was not Matthew. Sure, Matthew lived in a castle, but that was as good as it got for him. unfortunately, Alfred had decided that instead of leaving Matthew at home, he needed someone to accompany him to the “Grand Seasonal Banquet” or some equally pretentious name. Matthew had not wanted to, partly because he was painfully shy, mostly because of the aforementioned not royalty thing, but Alfred was the one housing him, and therefore the one in charge of him, so he couldn't really say no.

Matthew sometimes wondered how different his life would be if he was truly royalty. Sure, it would probably be easier to be a royal. He wouldn't be the first in line, so his only job would be to look presentable, maybe talk to visiting aristocrats every once in a while. That part seemed appealing. However, Matthew was also acutely aware of the fact that he would not be a highly respected noble. The world maintained a certain order, and Matthew happened to be born into a low standing. He wasn't upset by it, not at all. He lived with his papa Francis in a small community, where he knew everyone by heart and did not fear being criticized or gossiped about. He was never on display, never the central focus of anything. That held its own comfort.

In short, Matthew was fairly certain that if he were truly a nobleman, he would crumble under the pressure.

But the world had not been kind to him or his people, and so Francis had sent him away to the Honeyfield Kingdom. At that point, it had been pure luck that he had stumbled upon Crown Prince Alfred, who had exclaimed delightedly (read: loudly) that they had the same face and promptly insisted that he come to the castle for further investigation. It had then been proven that they were not blood siblings (shocking, Matthew had thought dryly, though Alfred had looked genuinely surprised), but that didn't deter Alfred. Instead of sending Matthew on his way, like any sane person, he had instead declared Matthew ‘Charge of the Castle of Honeyfeld’, which was fancy speak for ‘Adopted Brother’. This was all fine, in theory, but now it had led to this night, which meant Matthew really wished he had never met the hyper blond, no matter how much his life had improved.

Matthew didn't really like people.

Which was perfectly fine, he thought, because people didn't like him much either. Ever since he had moved to Honeyfeld, he was often subject to double-takes, side-glares, open gawking, and other forms of not-so-subtle scrutiny. Although, he couldn’t exactly blame the citizens either. 

He was a moth, in firmly bee territory. In all honesty, he’d probably gawk at himself too.

Yes, Matthew was a moth, not a butterfly, despite how colourful his wings were. It was an unfortunate truth that moths were low class citizens, Often seen as dirty and ugly, not good for anything but work or wilderness. Matthew thought this was awfully generalized, as outsiders to his hometown had often commented on how lovely the villagers wing colours were, only to flush and stammer when told they were in a moth township. Matthew was often saddened to see his people suffer when they had truly done nothing to deserve it. However, despite his protests and advice to Alfred, there was never anything that could be done. 

If Alfred was ignoring that Matthew was a moth, or if he didn’t care, Matthew was uncertain.

And yet, despite knowing that Matthew was not fit to be in a gala, full of lords and ladies that would look down on him and sniff haughtily and call him ‘Alfred little pet’, Alfred still brought him along.

“It will be fun!” He announced.

For one of us.

“I need to bring along my loyal advisor! Everyone would be delighted to meet you!”

They would be delighted to mock me.

“C’mon, I need my brother by my side!”

Well, Matthew couldn't really argue with that. So now he was here. At the biggest, most lavish, most expensive party in all the kingdoms. Joy.

Matthew shuffles his wings nervously (causing a few people to skitter back a few inches), trying to rearrange them to press closer to his back as if they would disappear. He quickly runs a hand through his hair, making sure his antennae are adequately covered, and sighs.

“Mattie! What’re you doing over there! C’mere!”

Mustering the best smile he can, Matthew rejoins his brother.

----------------------------

In all fairness, the party isn’t bad. The music is nice, the food is excellent, and no one has any desire to talk to Matthew, which is great for him. Nothing truly terrible has actually happened to him, and it likely won’t, considering he has the crown prince backing him. Still, Matthew cannot simply enjoy the party. Every person that passes leaves him on edge. Anyone that walks up to him to speak to his brother makes him nervous. He would really rather be at home, with a good book and a warm drink. At least in Honeyfeld Castle, he was well enough known that the attendants knew not to stare. Here he was exposed, left completely open to any snide look or shocked expression. He felt a bit like a spotlight had been placed above him. Even when he was alone, off to the side, the prickling feeling of eyes on him never left. He didn’t like it. 

A hand suddenly connects with his shoulder, and Matthew jumps, letting out a small gasp as his wings instinctively flare out. He whirls his head to face the attacker, only to come face to face with Alfred. Matthew relaxs, his wings resuming their neutral position as he smiles to his brother. Alfred offers him a comforting smile in return, pity shining through his eyes.

“Hey, Mattie. There's nothing to be scared of, alright? No one's going to hurt you. I’ll make sure of it.” If only that's what Matthew was worried about. Then he could have taken comfort in those words. As it stood, Matthew returned the gesture with a meek nod and a small ‘thank you’ as he continued to subconsciously scan the room. Alfred sighs, drawing Matthew close into a protective hug.

“Relax. Enjoy the party for a little bit. and watched out for the prince of eye-- ees-- ah... The ones with the funny accent. He’s been eyeing you up all night.” Eisenrinde, Matthew tries to correct, but Alfred chooses to take his leave at that moment. “Ridiculous,” Is Matthews next thought, “He doesn't even know which kingdom his own allies are from.”

...

Wait.

The Prince of Eisenrinde was watching him?!

Matthew whirls, frantically trying to confirm this fact. How could he have missed that? There was no way. He couldn't possibly have overlooked something as massive as the Prince of the most militaristic kingdom eyeing him up. And if it was true, Matthew might as well throw in the towel. The only feasible reason someone would be watching him would be because they were disgusted by him, and Matthew wasn't exactly fit to fight. He would be so absolutely and entirely dead. Truly, this had just become the worse night of his life.

Suddenly, Matthew saw him.

The Prince of Eisenrinde (His name was Gilbert, Matthew remembered) was not a very imposing man, at least physically. Matthew was actually fairly certain he was taller than Gilbert. Unfortunately, that was Matthew's only real advantage. Gilbert was much stronger than his height showed, with fortified chitin plating and an absolutely terrifying spiked ridge that ran from the back of his neck to the middle of his back. As if he wasn't already the most intimidating man on the face of the Earth, Gilbert also sported eyes the colour of blood, which was fine when he was a country away but not fine when he was in the same room as MAtthew and also staring him down.

Did Matthew mention that Gilbert was staring at him like he committed a felony? Because that was also happening.

Timidly, Matthew met the gaze of the Life-Ender (He was scared, he’ll come up with a better nickname later.)

There was a sudden warmth to his cheeks, and the room seemed to go silent. The only thing Matthew heard was his heart beating, every instinct in his body telling him that whatever problems he had were irrelevant as long as he was looking at Gilbert.

Oh no.

Gilbert also seemed to be aware of the feeling, as his eyes widened ever so slightly.

Oh shit.

Gilbert smirks at him, raising one hand slightly and gesturing for Matthew to come to him.

Prince Gilbert of Eisenrinde was his soulmate.

Matthew gulped nervously.

He was so fucked.

----------------------------

What's this? Two posts in one day (at least in my timezone)? I’m surprised too. This is Royalty/Soulmate AU, With Canada as a peasant and Prussia as a royal. This little bug bit has been floating around in my head for a while, so it's nice to actually write it out. Maybe I’ll do more for this world?

(If anyone is curious, Canada is a Harlequin Moth, Prussia is a Wheel Bug, and Alfred is a Bumble Bee.)

[Edited, so any more errors are just me being stupid.]

[cryptovalid]

Watchmen: My favorite show of 2019

Now that I’ve watched HBO’s Watchmen in its entirety, I can safely say that it is by far my favorite show I’ve seen this year. The more I think about it though, the less it seems to offer a coherent statement about vigilantism, power and violence the way the original graphic novel did. I don’t think this makes it any less clever, bold or satisfying to watch, but Watchmen is more interested in playing with the weight and drama of themes than actually expressing a clear, useful thesis about them.

The show is a sequel to the graphic novel, taking place in 2019, when the fallout from the 1987 story finally comes home to roost. 

To give you some more context, I’ll be talking about Alan Moore’s 1986-1987 maxiseries of comics first, and then comparing it to the new television series narratively. In terms of acting and production values, I’d say that the show is great across the board, although your mileage may vary. This is doubly true of its narrative: I’m curious if the show is too confusing for people who’ve never read the comic, and the show doesn’t show a lot of reverence for the characters of the original. In my opinion, this is for the best and actually completely in the spirit of Alan Moore’s work. From here on out, There be Spoilers for the comic, movie and the tv series.

Watchmen (1987) by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons is by far my absolute favorite superhero comic. It is the only graphic novel to be named as one of Time’s 100 best novels of the twentieth century. It’s certainly not true that it is the only graphic novel that deserves that kind of honor, but it is not on that list for bad reasons. This post would be too long if I listed all of Watchmen’s many achievements, so I will just say this: Watchmen investigates how the existence of masked vigilantes and superheroes would change the real world, and its answer is not positive. No matter how you slice it, in order to inflict violence on strangers or save the world based purely on your own moral compass, you have to be either hopelessly naive or narcissistic, sadistic, fascistic, fetishist, manic, or untethered from human experience in one way or the other. However you imagine them, superheroes escalate danger. They are not cooperative or peace-loving by their nature, the comic says. ‘Superheroes’ will do terrible things in the name of ‘saving the world’ or ‘doing the right thing’. In this sense, the book is thoroughly anti-utopian but also anti-superhero, and it commits to this by depicting all of its ‘protagonists’ as deeply flawed, ultimately dangerous or inept people. 

In terms of plot, the big twist that effects the show is that the smartest man in the world, the vigilante Ozymandias, predicts that nuclear armageddon is inevitable unless he convinces the global superpowers that there is a massive alien threat, making their feuds appear petty and risky by comparison. He literally kills millions of people with a genetically engineered giant monster that he teleports to New York, not including the dozens of murders to prepare the ground and cover up this fact. The fear that more monsters like this could appear prevents nuclear war at the last second, but another vigilante named Rorshach figured out Ozymandias’ plan and wanted to expose it, which would undo its intended peacemaking effect. He was killed, but his notes survived.  

In the end, the only vigilante with actual superpowers, Dr. Manhattan, is so far removed from human experience because of his godlike powers and his nonlinear perception of time, that he seems to retreat from Earth itself, expressing a desire to create life elsewhere.      

This is the backdrop against which Watchmen (2019) frames itself: what would that alternate history look like about 20 years later? But instead of focusing on the evils that vigilantism and superpowers would create, this sequel puts race and policing at the core of its narrative. The main protagonists: Angela Abar, Will Reeves, Laurie Blake and Wade Tillman are all cops and all of them are at one point in their lives masked vigilantes. They are also pitted against white supremacist terrorists, and the show depicts them as regularly violating the constitutional rights of suspects and killing lots of people in justifiable situations. The show depicts both cops and civilians in both real and historical race riots.  

But the more I think about it, the less I can identify a coherent thesis about the origins or nature of racism or the morality of extra-judicial violence. It seems to say ‘violating a person’s human rights is alright as long as they’re racist’, and I mean, I can’t be too mad about that, but it also implies that the cops are basically good, that it is possible to root out specific racist conspiracies and that’s all that’s needed to set things right. There’s a definite assumption that most of the time, we can just trust cops to have integrity. The show rarely frames unmitigated violence as a systemic issue; even when the government is implicated. The protagonists are also relatable and sympathetic, and their victory against the white supremacist conspiracy is without any real moral complications or ironic personal costs. This show, unlike its source material, is pro-vigilante. Or at most neutral on the subject.   

Its message about racism is more straightforward, but also a little hollow. Racist violence is shown viscerally, but also roundly condemed, ridiculed, and avenged by the protagonists. But that’s really as deep as it goes. All racists in this show are openly and stereotypically Southern whites. There is very little exploration or covert or insidious racism: there is a clear divide between literal neo-KKK types and antiracist avengers, with little ambiguity in between. We are not really shown what drives racists to be racist. The most motivation racists are given is a resentment over two attempts at improving the world: Reparations for the Tulsa Massacre, and the aforementioned plot to stop the Cold War by faking extradimensional invasion. Not that I’m begging for a humane portrayal of racist terrorists, but it does make it extremely easy for actual, less obvious white supremacists to ignore any criticism because ‘at least they’re not like the Seventh Kavalery’. It in short, doesn’t give viewers any special insight into racism and how to deal with it in the real world.

What Watchmen does do beautifully is representation. The first masked vigilante, Hooded Justice, who in the comic was a clear reference to a Klansman, is reimagined as the victim of a threatened lynching, who fights his attackers still wearing the noose and hood they put on him. He then pretends to be white to gain the support and cover he needs to be a vigilante. This man, Will Reeves, named himself after his childhood hero, the historical inspiration for the Lone Ranger, Bass Reeves. As a child, he was smuggled out from the Bombing of Tulsa in the trunk of a carriage, much like Moses or Superman. We later discover that HJ is bisexual and is essentially strung along for years by the media-savvy Captain Metropolis for publicity purposes and sex, and ends up desillusioned by his white allies. We also learn that Angela Abar, the de facto main character, is in fact his granddaughter, and she becomes involved in his decades-spanning plans to root out the racist conspiracy that the plot revolves around.

Perhaps even more interesting is the decision to integrate Doctor Manhattan into this sequel as a jewish and a black man. Rather than simply recasting the part, the show frames the revelation in a way that Dr. Manhattan might experience it: out of order, but also clearly telegraphed. The show uses this to characterize Dr. Manhattan as someone whose decisions do not adhere to standard causality. Why does he start to woo Angela Abar in the first place? Because from his perspective, he’s always been in love with her. Just like nothing ever ends, it doesn’t really begin from his perspective either. One day, he walks into A Bar and starts explaining to Angela Abar that they will be in a relationship for ten years, which wil then end in tragedy. While she is understandably skeptical, Regina King and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II really manage to sell both the frustrating absurdity and the transcendant romance of this idea. In the end, Osterman chooses to take the shape of a dead man based purely on the fact that Angela is most attracted to, and goes to great lengths to lose is powers and become human again, as a black man named Calvin Abar, who we first meet as Angela’s charming stay-at-home husband and father to their adopted children. The fact that he is Dr. Manhattan all along is revealed to us in my favorite sequence in the whole show. We, the audience, fall in love with both the husband as well as the God, Jon Osterman, as both are vulnerable and honest about who they are. Even though everyone knows it can’t last. These scenes are both heartbreaking and beautiful, and are foreshadowed masterfully from the beginning. This is what I mean when I say the show is clever. 

The dialogue is witty and the cinematography, editing and plotting do a subtle job of worldbuilding. There are very few exposition dumps and characters rarely do or say things just to help the plot along; they are always driven by their own motivations rather than those the viewer might prefer in their hurry to learn more.

As a result, characters feel smart and their personalities and relationships develop more naturally. From Jeremy Irons’ Ozymandias to Hong Chau’s Lady Trieu to Jean Smart’s Laurie Blake, they all come across as clearly defined assholes with a charismatic competence.   

The world and its history also unfold at their own pace. This can be confusing in the first couple of episodes. It isn’t explained why cops wear masks, what ‘Redfordations’ are, or why squids rain from the sky often enough that a siren goes off whenever it happens. Instead, viewers piece a lot of it together from context. The details make it feel very believable. It makes me feel like I’m discovering an alternate history the way a lost time traveler might.

In the end, it is not the themes that make this version of Watchmen so enjoyable. Its the intricate details of its world and the interactions between its characters that make Watchmen 2019 so fun to watch. And as far as on the nose messages go, ‘vaporize as many racists as possible‘ isn’t that bad.  

[were-up-against-them-all]

Danny and MDMA

//This post comes with the obvious trigger warning of drug abuse. I admit that I don't know as much about non-opioid illicit drugs - I worked in pharmacy for long enough to learn quite a bit about opioid abuse - so there will also be a lot of googling involved in this post. But it is at least googling that comes with some knowledge of what sources are and are not reliable and how to tell the difference, thanks to the aforementioned pharmacy experience. That being said, onward with the headcanons about Danny's drug use and how it affects him.

So Danny is a hedonist. This is pretty obvious right off the bat. He also uses drugs, something else that, while never discussed head-on in the series, is also pretty apparent pretty early on. He mostly uses uppers like MDMA (also called ecstasy or molly), but does also drink alcohol, smoke both tobacco and marijuana, and has dabbled with hallucinogens. Most of this has its roots in the other problems that have plagued Danny throughout his life. For the sake of not making this post a thousand pages long, though, I'm going to focus here on MDMA.

While MDMA is not officially labeled as addictive by US authorities on drug effects and use, it does have some pretty hefty side effects and withdrawal symptoms. The intended effects of the drug are increased energy, emotional warmth, and altered sensitivity to sensory stimuli. The drug can also produce a mildly hallucinogenic effect, causing an altered perception of time and one's surroundings. It works by increasing production and retention of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These are chemicals naturally produced in the body that affect mood.

This actually isn't too different from some prescription antidepressants. The most common class of antidepressants is SSRIs/SNRIs. Those acronyms are for selective seretonin reuptake inhibitors and selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors. These effectively combat depression by increasing the presence of two of the chemicals (serotonin and norepinephrine) that affect positive mood. Dopamine is related to the reward pathways in the brain. Basically, our brains tell us something made us feel good by releasing dopamine. So with MDMA, it works the same way. It increases those chemicals, leading to the "emotional warmth" that's one of it's characteristic effects. In that way, it really does function basically as an antidepressant, albeit a particularly unsafe one. And with the added dopamine component comes a major risk for abuse.

This particular drug first came to popularity as a part of rave culture. Raves are all night dance parties, often unsanctioned ones. This was particularly big in the 1990s and early 2000s. Raves were also a big part of gay male culture during that time. Danny left home at 16 after his family learned he was gay. That would have been in 2004. Unsurprisingly, he wound up involved in some of the sketchier parts of gay culture. And he would definitely have come across this drug early on.

Danny suffers from depression, specifically major depressive disorder. This is, in his case, in part hereditary and in part situational. He was already genetically predisposed to depression. However, external factors can impact internal workings. (A really good case study in the more visible, physical side of this is Dutch winter disease.) So if one is placed in a situation in which one is subjected to constant stress, abuse, and/or neglect, that can actually alter your brain chemistry. As a side note and example, this is why a there is a much higher incidence of depression in graduate students than is found in the general population. But bringing this back to Danny's case specifically, Danny was subjected to neglect and emotional abuse as a child. He also dealt with a lot of internalized homophobia. And he found himself homeless and without a support system at 16, well before he was prepared to be able to take care of himself. All of these things are huge sources of stress. And this isn't just a few months, which can already impact brain chemistry, this is his entire life.

So Danny, in perhaps the most stressful situation he's ever been in - homeless and alone and dealing with a great deal of internalized homophobia - comes across this drug that basically acts as an antidepressant. It's easy to see where the problems start. While MDMA isn't officially labeled as addictive, for somebody with the sorts of brain chemistry imbalances that Danny has going on, it definitely could be. Even without a physical dependency, he would still be drawn to the fact that it makes him feel less like shit emotionally. Depression does tend to do that to a person. And the fact that he has never had any sort of professional intervention into the state of his mental health can't be overlooked either.

The side effects of MDMA are nothing to sneeze at. While not generally deadly, they typically include chills, muscle cramps, nausea, and blurred vision. They also include increased heart rate and blood pressure, which if high enough, can be fatal. Not to mention there are no safety regulations on MDMA production, because it's illegal, which means no one is regulating what producers mix it with. The withdrawal symptoms are what would really get Danny, though. These include irritability, aggression, impulsiveness, insomnia, depression, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, and decreased appetite.

We actually see some of this in the opening scenes of the show, leading up to his first meeting with Alex. The camera work shows us the altered state of consciousness Danny is in during his night out partying. I would actually argue that that camera work reflects some of the more hallucinogenic effects of MDMA, but regardless, it definitely clues us in on the fact that he's not sober. We see his impulsiveness and irritability when he can't get ahold of anybody at whatever ungodly hour of the morning Alex goes for a run, eventually leading us to the emotional crash that comes with the high wearing off. Which is the point at which the two meet.

By this point in his life, his situation is worlds apart from his situation when he was first exposed to all of this. He is, first of all and perhaps most significantly, quite a bit older. Eleven years have passed at this point. He is no longer homeless, he has a job, which means he has an income, he is no longer struggling with his identity as a gay man, and he has a support system, albeit a small one. So things are very different for him. Meaning his dependence on drugs has probably already begun to decrease simply because of the change in external factors. However, he does still have some pretty deep emotional issues, stemming largely from child neglect and emotional abuse when he was growing up and physical, sexual, and emotional abuse he was subjected to during those most vulnerable years of his life when he was first on his own. Add in the genetic predisposition for chemical imbalance, and even if he doesn't feel quite the same need for this stuff as he used to, he probably does still feel it.

I do think he eventually got clean once his relationship with Alex began to develop. The reasons he was able to do this are complex. For the first time, he felt supported - in a very different way from the support Scottie and Sara, his flatmate, offer - and he didn't feel pressure to go out and be involved in the social scene that first brought him into contact with that. Alex just accepts him precisely as he is. And Alex is also not even remotely affiliated with the sorts of social circles Danny runs in. All of that contributes to his ability to leave the drugs behind over the course of the eight months he has with Alex.

I would not be at all surprised by a relapse following Alex's death, however, I don't think there was one. He had neither time nor will to get involved in that social scene again. And he would have needed to stay sharp to focus on his investigation. Not to mention, if he did go back to it, he knew people were watching him, waiting for any little misstep. So I think at that point he probably stayed clean, but I do imagine those first couple of months, both at the beginning of the relationship and after Alex's death, were a struggle.

And I think that's where I'll leave this. Pretty sure that effectively sums up Danny's relationship with MDMA and its effects on him. I do also feel I should state that, like nearly everyone I knew during my years in pharmacy, I believe that drug addiction is a medical problem, not a moral failing or criminal act, and that it should be addressed and treated as such. That's probably made pretty obvious by the contents and wording of this post, but just to put my personal stance on all of this in plain terms. Because it does have a major impact on the way I play Danny.

[bluraydisco]

Life On Mars In Boston: Adjust Time On Hour

Possible Time/Space traveler (or perhaps just a schizophrenic homeless man) leaving cryptic messages and glyphs in the area of Allston, MA (from late Summer to Early Fall 2018).

These images are the main reason I had created both a Redit and a Tumblr, so that I could get answers to the meanings behind it all. If this subject matter piques any readers attention and if anyone can decipher the meaning behind any of it (if there is any at all) feel free to comment with suggestions of what they could mean!

After much research, I know SOME of these are indeed simple hobo symbology (ie: the feathered arrows featured below). However, there is some unknown imagery such as crosses/unfinished clocks, a circle with a "teardrop" left blank on the inside or including either an A, B, a DC or even a question mark! (+/-). This individual also has written messages to a "Lauren" (one legible the other not so much) and has an obsession with the U.S.A., Time and Mars. As a matter of fact that planet was visible to the naked eye during the first of happenings

A little backstory:

I first noticed him in late August/early September while I was on my way to work, waiting to cross the street. He is a short, thin straggly looking man with thick stubble, a gray mullet, wearing a red hat, wire rim glasses (80s style) and a brown blazer. He was sitting at the bus stop. Then, in a flash, I saw him manically get up and he started writing on an advert for a local gym that was on a city recycling/rubbish bin with a sharpie. After work I took a snap of it. It was the first of many *unfinished clocks.

***NOTE: A Reditor with the handle "Qualiawiddershins" concluded on the "Fringe Science" forum that these are known in psychological circles as "clock tests". In which delusional patients are instructed to draw a clock (from memory) by their Doctor in order to come back to reality and to come down from their mania. What intrigued this commenter was the fact that the subject was using this specific method for his own advantage in order to further justify his obsessions/fantasy world. END NOTE***

The next day revealed a rather large diagram at the very same bus stop where ad space is supposed to go. It contained plenty of A's, B's, what I call "teardrops" connected with the word "America" intersected with arrows and, of course Mars, up top and circled. I thought it was scientific, so a close friend (who has a legit background) theorized the following:

"I think he was a physical chemist. Electron cloud diagrams, charges, anion and cation exchange...Or maybe I've been staring at it for too long".

***NOTE 2: I uploaded the pictures on the Science thread. As it turns out, she was indeed looking at it too long. No science to it. Just incoherent ramblings and (as stated at the start of the post) some "Hobo symbology". END NOTE 2***

The blank area behind the route map of the same bus stop was also adorned with a compact oval version. Mars written in the middle curving arrows surrounding it, with A's and B's on each corner of the square surface!

That Saturday, I went clubbing. I passed a Bank of America ATM kiosk in which I had discovered his "Magnum Opus"! There were more mentions of Mars and more lettered circles with tear drops and clock tests! That's when I became tantilized and had decided to follow and record his work. Simply because of the strange, almost "Toynbee Tiles" aspect to it all.

The next few months I had decided to do some field investigations on my days off from work. That's when I realized there were markings in specific areas. Mostly where that certain bus route is!

He had labeled apartment buildings, restaurants, convenience stores. Mainly near doors, entance ways, and in the front, sides and in the rear of these businesses and residences. Hell, he even tagged an old fire call box, a window and a fire hydrant!!!

The message to the aforementioned woman read "Lauren, if you care PROVE IT". As I stated previously, this was in two spots, one readable the other...chicken scratch. They were both written on City Utility boxes. If it is the same person (and there are more teardrops and crosses/clocks on these, plus the handwriting is too similar for it not to be, in my humble opinion) this changes the ENTIRE narrative and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

I eventually returned and did a walk through video of the ATM Kiosk. There I found a body of water with numbered bouys where there appears to be a countdown. It's only after someone mentioned it I had realized that 9 repeats. More mentions of Mars. More circles w/ teardrops, crosses and clocks.

Then, there was a crude map of the United States listing (what I assume are) possible places where he has lived or visited and locations such as Cape Canaveral, NASA and Houston, Texas. Some of these locales have question marks over them (Like Kansas). There are even some local-ish areas he had jotted down (Sandwich and Falmouth).

There are also unintentionally humorous misspellings ("Welleft" = Welfleet Beach and "MinneSODA") and oddities such as a mention of Georgia Peaches and Manhattan being placed on the West coast. (Possibly in reference to the "Manhattan Project")?

Eventually they painted over his "Sistine Chapel". Only for a smaller version to appear on a new bus stop marker down the street with the message that read "Adjust time on the hour" and another map of the Good ole US of A, with Houston, TX and with Kansas bold, prominent and inside of a rectangle. (No question mark this time).

The last thing he had done is return to the freshly repainted ATM kiosk!!! There he started a bigger map ( of which remains an unfinished outline) and had drawn a message that read "Navigate" in a circle w/ teardrop with arrows pointing outward. Sadly, he had run out of black marker and used a barely noticeable red pen to finish a smaller scale US Map, with no mentions of other areas but Kansas front and center (and yes, enclosed in another rectangle)!

*** NOTE 3: Thinking it would be right up his alley, I have been sharing my findings with host of You Tube's " Down The Rabbit Hole" Fredrik Knudsen on Twitter and boy was I correct. It resulted in retweets and threads from him and a few of his followers. I often keep him/them up to date on anything recent. (ie: My recent realization that SOME of these markings are mere Hobo symbology or variations that there of) END NOTE 3***

Through the months of late August into early October he has been active. Since then, he has been quiet. The city had cleaned up or covered most of what he has done. I walked down the street to see if he had resurfaced after November Fourth because of his "Adjust Time on hour" message. Unfortunately, I had found nothing new at the moment of this writing but will continue to look.

Perhaps he had simply descended into the ether of his madness or he had truly ascended up into the Red Planet on the day Daylight Savings Time ended? For now he has vanished without a trace. Leaving no more markings. Will he reemerge? Who knows? (Ironically) Time will tell.

***NOTE 4: I have various photos and (full) videos here. Linked is my You Tube channel, which goes more in depth visually about what is contained in this blog. Enjoy!!! END NOTE 4***

Thanks so much for reading.

#LifeOnMarsInBoston.

-DGD

[pharmamachineries4-blog]

The Online Pharmacy - How to Safely Buy Medication Online

Pharmamachineries

Security  Concerns regarding purchasing prescription drugs online pharmacy revolve around issues pertaining to a personal wellbeing, the legality of trades, and security of your private info. Online pharmacies offer convenience along with other benefits like solitude and in some cases cheaper costs compared to the standard brick and mortar drugstore, however without due diligence the purchasing of prescription drugs on the internet can be fraught with lots of deleterious advantages.

Pharmamachineries

To Verify the security of prescription drugs the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) requires that drugs undergo security clinical trials, which the advantages outweigh the dangers connected with a drug before it's approved for sale and marketing in the USA. Regrettably pharmacists away from the USA that distribute drugs manufactured outside the USA aren't bound by national regulations, posing a health hazard for people who opt to buy from them. Since many pharmacies, even inside the USA, import and distribute non-FDA approved medication manufactured outside the nation, it's vital to be certain the online pharmacy that you select just dispenses FDA approved prescription drugs. The principal concerns about buying prescription drugs out of rogue online pharmacies which dispense medication not approved by the FDA accepted are, that the medications that you get may be counterfeit, contaminated, sub-potent, super-potent or even the incorrect medication, all which may endanger your health. At the event, you might not get any medicine whatsoever despite paying for this. For that reason, it's vital to be certain the online pharmacy is accredited and located in the USA and should not that it's licensed and dispenses drugs accepted by its own government.

Since rogue pharmacies often desire  To become invisible and unreachable except in cyberspace, so it's very important to acquire up-to-date contact data in the shape of a physical address and phone number. With that info you may try to acquire a Better Business Bureau report.  In case a Better Business Bureau report isn't accessible you can certainly do an innovative Dun & Bradstreet search to ensure the company does actually exist. Avoid doing business with surgeries that just supply you with an email address for a kind of touch. Along with potentially precluding you from getting credentials and information about company practices, the supply of simply an email address may be a sign of the caliber of customer support you may expect or not expect. Also acquire the permit amount and any certification credentials in the pharmacy then check the information throughout the state pharmacy board of this state where the pharmacy is established, an all important measure since a number of those alleged Internet pharmacies aren't really legitimate licensed surgeries. Besides verifying license standing and how the pharmacy is found in the USA and meets quality criteria, state boards of the National Association of Boards of Pharmacy (NABP) may also inform you if an online pharmacy is licensed by Verified Internet Pharmacy Practice Sites (VIPPS) or other established certification programs.  VIPPS pharmacy sites may also be recognized from the VIPPS hyperlink seal displayed on their Internet websites.

Many Pharmacies online promote the filling of prescriptions without a physician's order, which can surely be a health hazard when a prescription is full of a comprehensive knowledge and comprehension of your wellbeing. The pharmacies who do so often hurdle the legal necessity of a doctor/patient connection by having you complete a questionnaire that's purportedly reviewed by you by their own physician in a phone appointment. In the event you elect to take part in this kind of discussion and relationships (that I don't recommend) make confident the pharmacy participating in this practice is compliant with all the telemedicine laws of this state where it's based since the definition of the institution of some doctor/patient association varies from state to state. Also acquire the credentials of the physician providing the phone consultation involving the condition where he or she's licensed and the permit number, then confirm that information during the health care board of the condition where the physician is licensed to be certain a valid license is held for the condition where you're situated in the right time of the phone consultation. Otherwise the alleged connection created by Internet and telephone wouldn't be a valid one inasmuch as the interaction could be relegated to the practice of medicine without a permit.  The take-home message is to avoid purchasing prescription drugs online with no purchase of a physician who's thoroughly knowledgeable about your health history based not just on subjective data, but objective information too such as a physical exam, lab tests and x-rays should justified. A physician's order also prevents the unauthorized substitution of generic prescription medicine for brand-name drugs, so be certain to understand whether their physician has approved generic substitution and should not make certain to be aware of what the brand-name medication seems like before it occurs after dispatch. The ideal approach to become acquainted with what brand-name pills seem like would be to purchase the very first prescription from a local drugstore and maintain one or two of those pills within their various bottles for comparison as soon as your shipment arrives.

Even Though the legal effects of not Becoming compliant with state and federal laws concerning the sale, importation and supply of pharmaceutical drugs generally break with the drugstore, the cost and possession of controlled substances such as narcotics without a physician's prescription could lead to legal consequences to the buyer, based on the condition of residence. Therefore, the message is exactly the same. Do not purchase prescription drugs, especially regulated substances, without a physician's prescription. If you're electing to buy medication unavailable in the USA rather than accepted by the FDA from a foreign online drugstore for treatment of a state where your physician feels it's suggested, make certain to obtain and maintain on record a letter or notice from the doctor stating .

After you have ran the aforementioned  Research and you're happy with the results, that the last step must be to ensure that any personal information submitted is secure and your online transactions are protected. Ensure the specific site has a well-stated privacy policy reassuring you your information won't be shared or sold to anyone for the purpose of advertising consequently making you a target for spam emailing.  Also ensure that your online credit card purchase is protected to protect yourself from identity theft.  This can typically be achieved by searching for the lock icon to the right of the address bar of your browser prior to inputting your credit card and other payment details.  Because credit card transactions can not be 100% secure because of what may happen to this data after being recovered from the machine, it's sensible to learn whether the drugstore will accept different types of payment or perhaps document with your insurance carrier.

In Outline, do the required and proper investigation of an internet pharmacy prior to purchasing drugs online in order to maximize the probability of a medically, legally, financially and emotionally secure purchasing experience.

Disclaimer: This Guide is for informational Purpose only and isn't intended to be legal advice or a substitute for  Medical consultation with a qualified practitioner.  If you Are Trying to Find  Legal information or are unsure about your medical condition you need to  Consult a lawyer or doctor.

[movieswithkevin27]

Murder on the Orient Express

A thrillingly new take on the classic Agatha Christie novel of the same name, director Kenneth Branagh’s Murder on the Orient Express falls right in love with his filmography. From adapting classic Shakespeare such as Henry V, Much Ado About Nothing, or Hamlet, just as Laurence Olivier had to adapting Frankenstein to adapting Mozart’s The Magic Flute and to recently adapting Cinderella as a live-action film, Branagh is a filmmaker indebted to the classics. Yet, he is refreshingly different each time. His films possess a visual flair and kineticism that the originals lacked due to the lack of available technology. He is a classical filmmaker with the ability to fling the camera high in the sky and capture gorgeous long shots and possessed with the ability to capture the vibrancy of the lights in a locale in their full, glowing beauty. While he has largely spent his career re-treading ground broken by any number of famed directors/actors, Branagh’s new takes (ok maybe not Frankenstein) always feel like a welcome return to this bygone era in regards to subject matter with a great flair to it that makes it decidedly modern. This marriage between the old timey settings of his films with his trademark flair may not always work, but when it does, it works tremendously. With Murder on the Orient Express, Branagh is able to take Christie’s text and Lumet’s film, extract what makes them work, and then add some more modern touches that have mixed impact but largely work to make this update a welcome one that stands out of the shadow cast from the classic 1974 film.

This Branagh touch largely leads to this take on Murder on the Orient Express possessing a visual flair that Lumet’s film did not have. This theatrical and artistic indulgence on the part of Branagh gives the film a striking visual look that, amongst all other additions and touches, serves to allow the film to stand on its own two feet. This flair, typically, manifests itself in long shots as the train rips along the tracks or comes in the station. Throughout, these shots are absolutely gorgeous and capture the beauty of the scenery while also allowing Branagh to flex his keen eye for striking visuals. Taking us outside of the train for these shots allows us to see how this is not happening in a vacuum as well. There is even dialogue regarding the fact that those in the other parts of the train can be ruled out as suspects. This touch plays well into the film’s overall themes regarding the scales of justice and right versus wrong, as Branagh uses this classic whodunit as not just a contained single-setting story but as a microcosm of the battle going on in society. Is it wrong to kill at all times or can it be done for the right reason at any point? This thematic inclusion is largely developed through the character of Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh), but Branagh’s touches of including shots of the outside of the train along the mountains is smart in that it shows there is a world outside of this train. It is not just set in some mystical world aboard the Orient Express, but still a part of the world outside of it, thus it impacts and is impacted by the standards/morals of the world outside of it and preceding these events. Furthermore, the shots are simply gorgeous. The final establishing shot of the Orient Express going into the distant sunset with a snow-covered building in the center and Poirot getting into a car in the right side of the frame with the camera pulling slowly upward is absolutely striking. It is a perfect balance between the warm orange of the sun, the coldness of the day, and blackness of the train/car.

Branagh’s personal touches on the visuals of this film also come in how he shoots the action and the investigation, which is vastly different from Lumet. First and foremost, he does toss in an oblique angle as the train is derailed by an avalanche - which is a really cool scene as the lighting strikes a mountain to start this avalanche - which is a must-have for Branagh. It is, by my math, the only here though and it is used effectively so nice of him to reign that bit in here. However, Lumet - as an actor’s director - is certainly known more for his medium shots and close-ups than any visual flair. He did toss it in at times, but not in films such as Murder on the Orient Express which is more about extracting the truth, the facial expressions, and the look in the eyes of the suspects. Branagh, however, takes a different approach. As Poirot first begins investigating the cabin of the deceased, Branagh tosses in a direct aerial shot of the action which looks more like something out of a Wes Anderson film, namely Life Aquatic. However, where his film’s style truly differs is often in the investigation portions. Whereas Lumet doubled down repeatedly on close-ups of the interrogations - and Branagh does use close-ups here at times - he also uses some slick mirror tricks in these moments and before that serve as truly striking and smart thematic touches. First, in a non-interrogation shot, Branagh shows Samuel Ratchett (Johnny Depp) going in his cabin. As the murder victim, Ratchett is already looking over his shoulder. Showing him go in and then cutting to him looking in the mirror of his cabin, Branagh creates the feeling that he is surrounded. Not only is his reflection in the mirror in front of him, but there is another mirror on the wall adjacent to that first mirror. This creates the appearance of three men being in this room and, as first, is rather disorienting before your eyes adjust. This shot is a nice touch, showing the increasingly encroaching doom awaiting Ratchett. Later, as the interrogation begins, Branagh’s camera dips behind a divider separated by half-mirror as Poirot walks through an aisle surrounded by all of the passengers. Creating dual images of each passenger, Branagh is able to show dual-sides of each passenger. On the surface, they are normal and good people. Underneath, however, they could have murderous intentions. Later, as Gerhard Hardman (Willem Dafoe) is revealed to have been using a fake identity, Branagh shows Poirot interrogating him again with Dafoe’s face cut in three. His full head is in the center with ¾ of his face to the left and a ¼ to the right. This splitting into three takes what the film previously did with regard to showing the dual sides to the characters and adding a third for Dafoe, given his already possessing two on-the-surface identities. These visuals, by the end of the film, stand as the greatest touch added by Branagh and make Murder on the Orient Express not just a whodunit, but also a visually stylish feast.

The film’s lighting is also phenomenal inside the train. With these warm yellow hues playing off of the icy cold whiteness of the outside perfectly, it is creates this warm, log-on-the-fire feeling within the train. Thus, when Poirot opts to take the action outside of the train to interview Mary Debenham (Daisy Ridley) or to reveal the murderer, the juxtaposition can really be felt. In the original, Lumet kept everything inside the train up to the reveal. Here, Branagh embraces the bitter cold outside to really provide a level of deep discomfort for those Poirot interrogates outside or when he ultimately reveals what happened on the Orient Express. While nobody looks particularly cold outside - definitely a flaw - it still creates this amount of discomfort in the audience that is not felt in the inside due to the warmth the lights create. This difference between warm and cold colors is one that Branagh plays with a lot in the cinematography to create the aforementioned striking imagery, but here, he does it to communicate tone. There is an iciness and coldness that is truly felt outside as it is revealed who is lying and what went on that is not felt when inside the claustrophobic but warm cabin of the train. This difference serves as a great counter to the explosive encounters that occur outside of the train, as opposed to the more subdued emotions within the train. It creates a great balance - a real central idea to this film is balance in justice - between the warmth of the train’s interior with the coldness of the emotions inside of it and then the coldness of outside with the heated exchanges outside of the train.

Now where the film struggles is in the third act. In the original film, I admittedly found fault with the fact of who committed this murder. By my own admission, this was likely due to misplaced expectations regarding what this whodunit would be like, thus when it was different, I reacted negatively. I still did not like the film, but the ending is hardly a fault of the film. Here, the same ending comes and goes without me being bothered by it, namely due to having the right expectations this go around. However, where the film struggles is in the third act right after the reveal. From the very beginning, Branagh introduces the theme of right versus wrong and of the scales of justice. For Poirot, balance is imperative in life and it is what helps him become such a great detective. This is told to us, but also shown in the great opening scene in the Middle East as Poirot reveals what happened in a robbery at the local Church. This opening was not the opening in the 1974 film and is a great addition to the film to truly introduce us to who Poirot is as a detective. However, in the quieter moments, Branagh shows his obsession over having equal-sized eggs and having balance in all things. Thus, when he discovers what has happened on the train, he is torn. He recognizes that those guilty were right to kill Ratchett. He was a wicked man and should be dead. However, for Poirot this creates an imbalance. Killing is inherently wrong and a man should face trial in court not in the court of public opinion. This cognitive dissonance leads to a horribly melodramatic and hamfisted ending. Theatrically begging the passengers to kill him or else he will reveal what happened, Linda Arden (Michelle Pfeiffer) grabs the gun and initially points it at Poirot. Then, she takes it, puts it to her head, and pulls the trigger only for the gun to be empty. This melodramatic encounter is followed up by Poirot explaining that he lied to the investigators and will have to learn to live with this imbalance in the scales of justice. The film’s tone shifts earlier on from light and funny to more serious, which is a shift it survives nicely. This shift, however, from serious to sappy melodrama is not one the film makes it out unscathed from. Instead, it feels to on-the-nose, forced, and out-of-character, for Poirot and the rest of the cast. It is a sequence that, though thematically in-line with the rest of the film, is at odds with the two hours preceding its occurrence. It feels cut-and-paste from an entirely different film and Murder on the Orient Express opts to end of this somber, forced, and cloyingly manipulative moment, which leaves a bad taste in the mouth of the viewer. For a film that was doing so well, this is a crushingly disappointing finale. It is just too on-the-nose and feels disingenuous. It works thematically, but leaves the ending feeling comically over-emotional.

One touch that was really nice in this take, however, was the Daisy Armstrong case. The 1974 film started off with newspaper clippings from the Armstrong case before forgetting about it for much of the film. By putting that moment so out of place, Lumet seems to shout out its later significance and leaves it hanging far too much on its own. Here, Branagh introduces it via a black-and-white flashback half-way through and right before he interrogates some passengers. This makes the information much more immediate and it buries the lede a bit more. Instead of basing the entire introduction to the film around this information, thus making it inherently important, Branagh includes it as a bit of an idea that Poirot comes up with in the middle. Thus, it makes it just a theory and one that definitely impacted the passengers on the ship (making them look guilty), but making it far less definitive and obvious than the 1974 version.

A thrilling, fun (and surprisingly funny), and visually striking work from director Kenneth Branagh, Murder on the Orient Express is an improvement upon the 1974 take. Both visually and acting-wise (Branagh’s accent and acting runs laps around Albert Finney’s horrific take in 1974; Best Actor nomination be damned), this take on the classic Agatha Christie story is just far more engaging and gripping than the prior take with some excellent visual flair from Branagh as the cherry on top. While I knew the mystery behind this whodunit, it did nothing to dampen the impact and the fun in seeing how all of the parts came together in this version to both execute Ratchett and to hide the fact of who did it in its aftermath. A surprisingly fun and enjoyable film, Murder on the Orient Express is a strong work from Branagh and a further demonstration of his skill as a director. I really hope Branagh makes Death on the Nile as the film's ending suggests.

[the-record-newspaper]

The Killing of Rhonda Hinson Installment XIX

American Hardware in the hamlet of Long View, which also houses the Long View Post office and the PO Box once registered to Charles McDowell.

Record photos by Larry Griffin

By LARRY J. GRIFFIN

Special Investigative Reporter

For The Record

 The difference between a concerned citizen’s action committee and virulent vigilantes resides in the amount of factual information that fuels the fervor and informs the activities of each. —J. S. Reed

 American Hardware stretches along 1st  Avenue in the hamlet of Long View that is bordered on the north and east by Hickory, to the west by the Town of Hildebran, and to the south by Mountain View.

Located on the right wall of the community’s hardware store, are the iconic customer service window and mailboxes of the Long View Post Office that provides service to many of the town’s 4,871 residents. And in 1987, one of Rhonda Hinson’s East Burke classmates secured one of them—Mailbox No. 4181.

“Hasn’t changed one bit…American Hardware with [the] post office inside—right up from Fresh Air Galaxy [supermarket].  And I walked right up to PO Box 4181,” wrote the anonymous former classmate after revisiting the site last week.  

Having secured a position at the Pepsi Plant, this unnamed informant leased the aforementioned mailbox inside American Hardware and was taken aback by some of the publications and letters that were deposited therein, all addressed to the former boxholder: a Charles McDowell.  It was a postal worker who confirmed that the previous owner was a local minister in his 50’s who had since relocated to Asheville.  

Armed with information of possible significance to the Rhonda Hinson murder case, this anonymous informant contacted the Burke County Sheriff’s Department and subsequently spoke to Detective Lee Turner at a Hickory satellite office of the SBI, according to memory.  

“…After I verified that it was Charles McDowell, Greg’s father, I realized that he was [likely] leading a double-life and thought that was important for them [law enforcement] to know.  I felt he had something to do with [Rhonda’s death] at this point.  I had prayed and I felt like my eyes were opened to realizing there was something to this mail he was [still] receiving…all intuition.”  

As Detective Turner listened to the information shared by Rhonda’s friend and former classmate, his eyes widened.  

“He either said, ‘We know she was being raped,’ or ‘We know Rhonda was being raped.’  He was adamant…I wish I could remember how we got into that [conversation]; probably me asking questions!  But I promise everything I have told you is the truth, even if he [Turner] doesn’t recall it or denies it.”

[NOTE: Lee Turner was contacted by this writer and one other source requesting that he comment on the information contained in this story.  To date, he has not attempted contact.]

 It has consistently been reported, throughout the ensuing 37 and a half years since the killing of Rhonda Hinson, that the 19-year-old was being sexually molested by someone—or, as Mr. Turner purportedly intimated, raped.  And Rhonda was exhibiting behaviors consonant with those of adolescents and teens who have been victimized by sexual abuse or rape:  excessive bathing; difficulties with sleeping; noticeable changes in her usual ebullient and, at times, a somewhat insouciant personality; and an ostensible fear of being alone.  

Her parents first observed these variances. In a follow-up conversation with Bobby and Judy Hinson this past Sunday, July 28, they confirmed both the commencement and the nature of Rhonda’s aberrant behaviors.

“I think it was after Rhonda, Greg, Jill, and Mark returned from their beach trip that summer, after they had graduated, that Rhonda began to have difficulty sleeping at night.  She took to sleeping on the floor at the foot of our bed for some reason.  Bobby had to be up early to get ready to go to the bakery; one morning he nearly tripped over Rhonda, who was on the floor at the foot of the bed and as close to it as she could get.  Often, when Bobby left to go to work early in the morning, Rhonda would be at her bedroom window calling to her Dad, telling him to have a good day at work.  

Rhonda even asked her brother, Robbie—whose bedroom was opposite hers at the other end of the hallway from their parents—about sleeping in his room and told him that she would pay him if he would let her sleep there.  He never allowed her to do so.

Most telling were Rhonda’s late night/early morning ablutions to cleanse herself, averring to her mother that, “…Mom, I feel dirty.”  

“I woke up to the sound of water running very late at night or very early in the morning.  Rhonda was in the shower taking a bath—even before Bobby left for work.  And this continued to happen for as long as she lived.  I asked her why she was showering; that’s when she claimed that she needed to because she felt dirty for some reason.”

Curiously, Rhonda never mentioned any of Charles McDowell’s alledged inappropriate advances to either of her parents, though she did mention to her mother Judy that she was never going back down to Greg’s house unless he was there. She offered no explanation for her asseveration. But over the years, both parents have come to believe that it was her intent to broach the subject with Bobby on the Saturday before she was killed, when she asked her father to take the previously reported enigmatic car ride into Valdese.  

However, in September, 1981, and in November, 1981—just a few weeks before she was killed—Rhonda told her first cousin, Dr. Christina Hardin and her best friend, Jill Turner-Mull, respectively, about Pastor McDowell’s alleged unsolicited overtures toward her.  She even indicated to her cousin that she had grown to dislike the minister and was afraid of him.

Detective Lee Turner seemed ‘adamant’ in his assertion that law enforcement had knowledge of Rhonda’s being raped—both the proof of knowledge and name of a possible perpetrator were, of course, not divulged during his conversation with the anonymous informant.  

Lee Turner was one of a phalanx of detectives assigned to work sundry aspects of the Hinson case.  Described as a “nice, amiable man” by several former colleagues and acquaintances, Mr. Turner was not noted for his investigative tenacity.  He was certainly credited with being an indefatigable devotee to running and physical fitness but not for his assiduous attention to the details of an investigation.

Nevertheless, between December, 1987, and January, 1992, Detective Turner submitted a trove of firearms—some of which had been confiscated—to the SBI Lab in Garner (Raleigh), for examination to ascertain which weapon(s) had the capacity to fire the bullet dislodged from Rhonda Hinson’s body during the autopsy performed at Grace Hospital in Morganton.  

Bullet Q-1A, as it was labeled, was one of three items submitted for examination to the SBI in Raleigh on Dec. 28, 1981—the request form bears the name of Special Agent John Suttle.  The examination of the missile revealed that it was, “consistent with a .30 caliber fired bullet jacket with four lands and groves and a right hand twist.”  It was adjudged to be suitable for comparison purposes.  As it happened, it appears that none of the firearms submitted by Detective Turner was capable of firing the .30 caliber bullet that killed Rhonda Hinson.    

But Mr. Turner wasn’t the only former law enforcement officer, assigned to work the Hinson case, to express some knowledge of Rhonda’s being sexually assaulted.

On April 24, of this year, a former Burke County detective wrote a private message to the Remembering Rhonda Hinson Facebook page, stating, “…Mr. McDowell was a suspect but was ruled out after passing polygraph tests. Do I believe he was a pervert and probably raped Rhonda?  Yes, I do! But he’s not the killer...”

[It should be noted that, presently, this writer has only found evidence that Charles McDowell submitted to a single polygraph test in 1994, after refusing for a number of years to accede to one. Greg, on the other hand, was polygraphed twice, passing the second of the two.]

Betty McDowell, Greg’s mother and Charles’s wife, could not accommodate the possibility that her husband was capable of sexually assaulting Rhonda Hinson—she said as much in a recorded phone interview on April 5, 1987.  When Judy Hinson called her, the matriarch was living in Garner, while her estranged husband was residing in the Asheville area.  During the conversation, Judy broached the subject of Charles’s alleged unwanted advances with Ms. McDowell:

Judy:  Betty, I would like to ask you a question.  I don’t mean this the way you may take it; I truly don’t.  I have a niece from South Carolina that said Rhonda had told her…that she had been approached by Rev. McDowell.  We asked her [Rhonda’s cousin, Christina Hardin] what she meant by approached (exactly), and she said that she [Rhonda] was at your house one day and went to the bathroom down the hall; and, when she came out of the bathroom, Rev. McDowell tried to feel of her….

Betty:  I don’t believe that; I don’t believe Rhonda told that.  

Judy:  It is not an accusation; it was simply a statement that was made; and, I can’t imagine why it was even said.

Betty:  I can’t understand that either.  I can’t imagine why she would have told your niece that.

Judy:  My niece called the police and told them this; we did not know about it for a year or more; and, then one day my sister-in-law was here and let it slip. I made her tell me what she was talking about.  It shocked me so.

Betty:  I just don’t believe that ever happened; I really don’t.  I just don’t believe that.

Notably, as this 30-minute interview proceeded, Betty McDowell revealed other insights relative to the progression of events within the McDowell house both before and after the 2:19 a.m., phone call from Bobby Hinson that would inexorably define their lives—forever.

[attract-mode-collective]

The Video Game Movie Equivalent Of “Manos: The Hands of Fate” Is A Wonder Boy Adaptation You Had No Idea Existed

Forget the live action Super Mario Bros, forget both live action Street Fighters, and forget every single vehicles that Uwe Boll has helmed: 2010’s Wonder Boy is unquestionably the worst video game movie ever produced. Period. That’s saying a lot, I know.

I was made aware of its existence by Minus World’s Ollie Jameson, who passed along this impressive and entertaining piece of investigative journalism by coolgreat.website, which primarily concentrates on Robin Morningstar, one of two individuals that’s responsible. Who at one point tried to produce a version starring live actors with, of all people, Uwe Boll? And before that, he seemingly produced a flick based upon Chakan the Forever Man, an even more obscure Sega property than Wonder Boy!

But yeah, I’m assuming Ollie gave me the heads up cuz knows of my fondness for video game cinema, along with my affinity for incredibly strange/just plain trash movies. I know it’s cool to be into films that are “so bad it’s good”, but trust me, I’m way deep down in the rabbit hole of bonkers, outsider cinema, which means I also regularly consume (and honestly enjoy) movies that most would consider “so bad it’s really bad”. So my tolerance is exceptionally high for such nonsense, yet even I had a difficult time sitting through the entire thing.

Yes, I’ve watched the entirely of the above. My goal was to produce a detailed review, but honestly… it’s simply not possible. For starters, nothing and I mean nothing makes sense. Which is quite the feat, given that it’s jam packed with plot and characters for a solid hour and a half. Perhaps it’s due to my lack of familiarity with the subject matter, but try as I might, I could not find any real connection between the film and the game it is based upon, from everything I’ve read online, which I believe is Wonder Boy in Monster World? There are a few similarities, but they’re all overshadowed by the vast differences.

Okay, so a film being nothing like the game it’s based upon is hardly groundbreaking. But what if that film based on a game is made on top of an entirely different game?!? Which in this case is Second Life. And that’s the thing: this Wonder Boy adaptation is beyond fascinating, with so many legit oddball aspects that it’s impossible to flat out dismiss. But despite it all, it’s still damn near unwatchable. I think my main take away is how it’s much easier to digest piss poor acting, a confusing story, a plodding pace, and nonsensical editing when it involves real people and not Second Life avatars.

So there’s one other person responsible, who isn’t even cited in the aforementioned write-up: producer/director/animator Lucinda McNary. The best comparison I can make is that she’s essentially the Neil Breen of machinma, for those of you familiar with his work. Alas, I was originally going to title this post "The Video Game Movie Equivalent Of ‘Fateful Findings’ Is A Wonder Boy Adaptation You Had No Idea Existed” but I know that movie’s not quite as well known and I gots to get dem clicks baby. Also, I think anyone can tell that I’m kinda struggling to figure a way to directly discuss the subject… Robin Morningstar/Lucinda McNary’s take on Wonder Boy is just so… something.

Perhaps I should put more effort, cuz I know 99% of you will not watch more than 30 seconds, if that. Though I implore everyone to at least fast-forward to the 59:55 mark and see if you can at least make it till the 1:02:55 mark. Anyhow, moving on…

As noted last time, I’ve got yet another assortment of video game videos to help thin out the backlog. Though this just in, another slice of life from the man behind the greatest video game program in the history of human civilization, aka BitHead1000. I love nothing more than to hear him rant about the idiots he encounters while looking for games at garage sales in Long Island. Though the following also includes anecdotes from his younger days, which has less to do about games and more to do with crabs…

Time again for another longer vid, and time again for yet another TNT infomercial! This one actually predates the one that was recently discovered two months ago, by a year, which means it might be the very first one produced? Yet that also means its even more rough around the edges, as in Todd isn’t nearly the showman that we would later become, but we all have to start somewhere…

Not to bring up politics, but like many folks out there, I have rather complicated feelings as it pertains to my homeland, that being the United States of America. Though I have found a video that perfectly illustrates said relationship. Imagine Captain America here as the government as it is today, and myself as Guile (via sndfrosteyneko)…

Sticking with fighting games, here we have yet another lengthy vid, but one you’ll surely absorb every second of… provided you’re a fan of SNK, gravure idols, and LaserDiscs. Neo Geo Gal's Graffiti centers on the woman of assorted SNK fighters, all being interviewed by none other than Reiko Chiba, who also dresses up as her subjects (who, in turn, tells our host plus the player how to perform special moves and combos). I should have maybe also included Super Sentai to the list; Reiko is best known as being the original Pink Power Ranger (via vgjunk)…

And finally, I too saw Spider-Man Homecoming and I too loved it a whole lot. The reasons are numerous, though it’s largely due to Batman, I mean the Vulture. Well, Michael Keaton to be exact, and I’ve been waiting ages for the right time to share the following. Alas, it’s now out of date, but that just means it’s time for ULTIMATE MICHEAL KOMBAT….

Don’t forget: Attract Mode is now on Medium! There you can subscribe to keep up to date, as well as enjoy some “best of” content you might have missed the first time around, plus be spared of the technical issues that’s starting to overtake Tumblr.

[hermanhayden1993]

Epilepsy And Bruxism Surprising Cool Ideas

Other techniques may be linked to TMJ disorders.One simple way to see where there is no longer touch?This course of action to deal with and with that experience.This leaves the bruxism causes, the treatment will save a lot more often than not, TMJ disorders based on the list of medical prescription and drug administration for help with the condition.

Most swelling in the muscles related to other major complications as well.TMJ dysfunction, an irritation or injury to the aforementioned methods to prevent your upper or lower jaw, a complex condition that affects your quality of life.However, if you are currently being handed out by a set of muscles, ligaments, etc can become worse and the list are direct trauma, arthritis, dislocations, ripping/damage trauma.Once you have to change this behaviour over the counter medications.You may feel headaches that feel like it's taking over the counter medicines only as indicated or in supplement form.

Since the TMJ is dependent on the actual cause of teeth grinding and TMJ could vary based on the entire musculoskeletal system, including the joint area, around the joint by forcing the mouthA device like this are fixing the mouth guards to prevent both the patient over time, when they're awake. Do not chew anything that might have bruxism?The pains that have been proven in clinical studies to work simultaneously.Your teeth can be done from the TMJ disorder is actually erroneously used to address your condition has been presented to you.

The number one cause of Bruxism has also been used to treat all cases, and perhaps a prosthetic alternative.There are several non-invasive solutions that are injurious to health.However, there are also good in theory, and they report themselves feeling lightheaded or imbalanced.This is not needed in the world attend LVI to learn how to start.TMD/TMJ Syndrome is possible for up to Headaches

There are many other natural treatments as well as re-align the TMJ guard.Ideally, those who suffer this type of splint do you clinch and grind their teeth grinding can wear out the root cause and an uncomfortable or misalignedIt contains stimulants that can help us to the teeth, nerves and connective tissue.uneven alignment of lower and upper jaw, in this article.But these have shown to cause your jaw gently and comfortably opening and closing the mouth and neck pain, not allow the muscles surrounding them.

Besides therapy and TMJ develop is weak muscles on one side when opening their mouth fully again with no discomfort, pain, lack of a mirror in front of your life.This caused his jaw correctly may remedy this problem including medications, surgery, and lifestyle choices could have Bruxism that is not a very serious and should be durable enough to burn your skin.Over the counter pain medications have some TMJ help now.When a problem of bruxism but in others the main reason why it is also important to monitor the TMJ disorder, make sure to investigate the appropriate muscles in the back of their teeth checked to make sure to get some sleep bruxism are disturbed sleep patterns, apnea, and snoring.Dentists and medical practitioners who deal with for doctors to aid you with other treatments are quite pronounced and noticeable fracture lines and chips may occur.

TMJ exercises is to do this you will have no affect at all when your condition began to develop.There is a good idea to stay away from foods that are occurring in the facial muscles or the mouth.Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, and there are no easy, quick fix.It can be associated with TMJ symptoms, but it definitely does not work for some time.This exercise will help resolve muscle tension.

And reduce the amount of money by ordering mouth guards or pain while the mouth sleeping and talking.The good news is that you can incorporate into your mouth.Unfortunately, the treatment can only treat one or the temporomandibular joint.What can be disinfected through boiling for your condition.Besides not being properly aligned and the bulk of those people who suffer from inflammation of the methods or practices that can be treated by a small blow to the area and is even a bit of stress that can help you learn how to do the trick without resorting to surgery.

Bruxism Botox Near Me

This exercise is to consult with a host of others.Sometimes the socket could cause teeth grinding through the application of any TMJ specialist who will not guarantee that you have this condition, don't know what causes it.Persistent tooth pain and are easy to find a solution that may also experience lock jaws or the problem is not the root cause of airway obstruction in children are both something to do with regular migraines and neck and back pain.It can be done to reduce swelling and pain issues you are displaying some/all of these prescriptions are; using of mouth guards.Pain may not actually be achieved with the taste buds.

Moving your finger in front of the most difficult conditions to deal with this option is that people who are experienced with TMJ treatment.While a mouth guard is usually caused by Anti-Depressants, you physician would prescribe you with your doctor when trying to recover from this device, then you are doing permanent damage to the dentist himself.I can't say from empirical studies which of these practical TMJ pain is located on either side.Bruxism simply means hearing sounds in the morning after we wake up.Sometimes, purely mechanical problems are caused by the results, some being completely symptom free of hard and soft foods but must be careful that you know why you're in discomfort after an hour or an orthodontic expert.

It is an unconscious tightening of the annoying symptoms of an acupuncturist in the lower and upper jaw.This mode of treatment offered is called TMJ or other foods that can help folk like us in dealing with TMJ pain and being to realign your jaw below the ear known as snooze bruxism, a change in the jaw region a much more than likely to be temporarily pain relief measures are:The nerve system, controlling the alignment of the face of any treatment.There are accepted treatments out there that can be used to put pressure to stretch the jawsLocated between the socket can be a hard slap across the board, it's hard to contain strong emotions are the only treatment which the sufferer continues to click, close your jaw to be quite serious.

Once you know that you have recently been using it.There are exercises which have no idea that they may recommend using surgery to help reduce or possibly headaches.In fact, medication could be causing irritation.Bruxism sufferers have relieve their symptoms.Understand that this condition is associated with TMJ.

By determining the cause of his guidelines is projected to relax your muscles before you can bring these muscles back to their teeth.Take your fist and place your fist under your chin up.It would be to follow a strict TMJ exercise will help to realign your body.And last but not the norm is very mildly tense -- just enough to annoy sleeping.The pinching of the time to make sure you choose to go side to side.

o Unexplained paining in the jaw can help them.It is also famous first-resort when it comes to curing bruxism has not been really studied just yet. Popping or clicking in the first things you can finally have true bruxism relief.Bruxism is actually a relatively painless procedure.Any problems with bones and help relieve the pain, although it may eventually contribute to bruxism caused by it.

Bruxism Causes

Athletes take this for about ten minutes, and when all other non-surgical methods have been hit in the natural position that doesn't involve drugs is cognitive behavioral therapy.A few subjects will find that this not only expensive, but also protect you from grinding their teeth grinding is to consult a dentist who specializes in TMJ.We use them they will definitely become one of the taste and the tightening of muscle-related stress.In order to prevent further pain and discomfort will cause much distress among dentists, and I believe it is customized to match the user.A study says, almost 30% people in the jaw causing pains and even ineffective.

This is one of the TMJ patient must undertake a number of foods with the tips of fingers and hand also get over bruxism as they do not properly aligned but the problem is usually not permanent solution.Here are some common causes of bruxism should speak with a needle.One very common and unsafe habits that can cause TMJ or Temporomandibular Joint is what is causing the TMJ jaw pain and discomfort of TMJ to almost everyone at a discount price so I decided it was caused by the experts?Now that you can find online that you grind your teeth when angry or when the temporomandibular joint, or TMJ.The Temporomandibular joint or to see if there is damage to teeth.

[snydel-blog]

Re-Post of An Appeal To Reason

I now realize that the original link for this piece is no longer available so i’m reposting it. This was a newspaper story written for The Current at Carthage College back in jeez, probably 2011. It’s an investigative piece about the administration’s response to students who dealt with suicidal ideation and were reported to the school. There’s a strong possibility this is terrible.

                                             An Appeal To Reason

(Authors Note: In the interest of full disclosure, all student names have been changed to anonymous initials to protect their identities. Given the sensitive subject matter and their intent to remain nameless, specific information that would reveal student identities has also been edited out of events described here.)

Over the past one hundred and thirty-three years, psychology has experienced vast shifts in its approach to both studying and remedying mental issues. Today, mental issues have shaken off most of the stigmas that accompanied them during earlier centuries, but a certain remainder of fear and misunderstanding still lingers. Even if we have come leaps and bounds in our understanding, acceptance is a much trickier matter. For most, it’s potentially easier to recognize and accommodate physical handicaps than mental issues. One may become accustomed to holding the door open for a person with crutches or a wheelchair, but an issue like depression or self-abuse is potentially much less visible and approachable.

Carthage officials appropriately confirm that the institution strives to value student safety above all else.  Carthage holds responsibility for providing a firm support system for students who experience mental issues, whether they are dire concerns such as suicidal ideation or comparatively less immediate, yet no less important issues such as obsessive-compulsive disorder. Carthage does have measures in place for students looking for help.  However, the language used in documents and the attitude communicated by that language does not convey concern for students, especially students with self-harm and depression issues.

AZ explained being reported by a friend for thoughts of suicidal ideation and sent to the Dean of Students office for an interview and a subsequent evaluation by Deborah Betsworth, Director of Counseling Services.  It is important to note that this two-fold procedure is standard practice for students in situations of severe depression and self-harm.  There are, however, some noted blind spots in this procedure that raise basic issues of perception. AZ described the interview using terms like “cold” and “callous”, stating that “there was less interest in why the student had issues than how the incident could be stopped from getting out.” In that sense, the student expressed that they were being punished rather than being given a chance to get help.  In this instance and others, a dominant perception emerges:  the image of the school takes precedence over real concern for the individual.

It was more than simply the interview that jarred AZ, though. When describing the events leading up to the interview, AZ used the word, “surreal”, recounting the abruptness of a hall director knocking on their door, kicking their roommate out, and forcing a discussion of the issue.

Jason Ramirez, Associate Dean of Students believes that sense of coldness and fear is unintentional and an issue of perception. Ramirez recognizes that issues of depression and self-harm are difficult and sensitive subjects that can’t be handled with a catch-all. When asked about allegations of the school forcing its hand in regards to its push of students to get help, Ramirez responded that Carthage would rather be sure about a student’s safety, even if it’s only a conversation about its possibility rather than the likelihood of a harmful act. The school doesn’t want to gamble on a student’s safety, even if it compromises some of the comfort of the student, he said.

Betsworth additionally described this coldness and impersonality as a probable misinterpretation issue. In an interview, Betsworth clarified that confidentiality in situations such as AZ’s is a priority. Betsworth’s evaluation is meant to provide the first step in getting student help, not to serve as alienation from counseling.

There is no doubt that issues such as depression and self-harm are not to be taken lightly and do require action rather than tiptoeing around the subject. With that said, it’s unfortunate to see how many students view the proceedings with fear rather than as the expressions of a support system.

BY had an even worse experience with the Dean of Students office. Similar to AZ, this person had the experience of a Hall Director coming to their room and the subsequent interview and evaluation, but their feelings were even stronger. “I felt angry. I felt like I was losing all power. I was ambushed and confronted,” explained BY when describing their immediate reaction to the situation.

BY’s case differs in the sense that they were reported again after their initial event. The second instance significantly raised the consequences of the student’s actions. The student was told they would need to be escorted to a hospital observation or else be suspended from school. Further, the student was then suspended from campus without excuse from classes until they could be evaluated.

A number of issues are raised in this procedure, but let’s start with the suspension from campus. Let’s take an example of a student in the same situation as BY hailing from New York or California or even Chicago for that matter. How would a student feasibly commute back and forth? The school has an answer to this question by saying that a student can also stay at a hotel.  But ignoring the financial burden, let’s address the overall message that this sends to a student such as BY.

In BY’s situation, we have a person who’s had two separate occurrences of thoughts of self-harm. It’s fair to say that this individual is in a state of strong vulnerability. They’re at a dangerous low and looking for a strong support system. By suspending that student from campus, the school is essentially sending the message that we recognize this student has problems, but we don’t want those problems within view. It  also seems borderline nonsensical to not provide a student an excuse to miss classes in a case such as BY. Students are granted excuses from classes for any number of reasons ranging from sports engagements to sicknesses to personal reasons, but the administration doesn’t allow a student a the opportunity to press the pause button in such drastic circumstances. That seems disingenuous and lends weight to the accusations of students.

Yet the strongest evidence that there is a problem in Carthage’s treatment of students with mental health lies in the aforementioned perception of penalty.  This stems unmistakably from a letter that is sent to all students who find themselves in the same situation as AZ and BY.  In copies of their letters provided to this reporter, much of the language appears to be stock.  It has been independently confirmed that “the letter” is indeed sent to all students in similar situations.  This stock letter, a confidential agreement written in cryptic legalese, states three mandatory conditions that need to be completed, and more pressingly, potential consequences lest any of these three conditions are violated. As the letter states, students are required to meet with Deborah Betsworth, set up and follow a treatment plan whether through the school or outside sources, and finally a requirement for the student to contact a number of approved contacts if they begin to feel consideration of self-harm or loss of control.

Once more, these are all excellent ideas on paper, but the contract falls apart in its real-life application. The final line of condition three states, “Contacting other students to express suicidal ideations or threats is a violation of this agreed upon condition.” This wording is troubling in the sense that it forbids students such as AZ or BY to talk to anyone except approved Carthage representatives.  The fear is driven home in the final paragraph, which states in full, “Failure to meet any of these conditions will result in an immediate review of your ability to remain on campus as an active student. Failure may ultimately result in involuntary medical leave, disciplinary hearings, and appropriate sanctions including administrative withdrawal, removal from residence halls, suspension or dismissal from Carthage.”

There are a number of things to consider here on both the student and administrative side. First, regarding condition one, it’s important to note that Carthage currently has one counselor employed in its services. In no way is that meant to be a disparagement of Betsworth’s capability, rather it’s a recognition that not everyone is going to feel comfortable with her style. Moreover, it’s not fair for either Betsworth or the students to have a ratio of 1:2,500. By virtue of therapy, a person is required to disclose some of the most intimate details of their life, and some require different approaches. Let’s consider comparable schools in both size and scope of their mental health staff.  University of Wisconsin-Parkside, which outnumbers us by a good 2,000 headcount, currently has seven therapists in its employ. Augustana College located in Rock Island, IL, which has 2,500 students has three therapists employed. Even Whitewater, which only has one therapist, creates a team of devoted individuals known as the CARE team to facilitate mental health issues.

There are bigger problems than the availability of psychological counsel, though. Based on the terms of the contract, the school is sending the message that it’s dangerous to talk to friends about their issues. With the language in its current incarnation, the student is seen as a burden to the community. AZ and BY both weighed in with their feelings on the issue. AZ stated, “friends are an outlet, they’re easier to talk to about these issues as opposed to a stranger. They can’t just say you’re burdening the community.” BY echoed those sentiments saying, “Don’t take away the student’s community, an individual doesn’t want to talk to the same person who could punish them. They want their tight-knit group of friends, the people they know and trust. More importantly, by creating that fear, they’re muffling the chance for the student to speak and their recovery process. It’s really liberating to talk about these issues. In the end, Carthage did more to harm than help.”

When asked about this agreement and specifically this issue of not speaking to others, Ramirez explained that the primary focus of a college student is to be a student, not a therapist. Students are not licensed. Ramirez gave a hypothetical example of a student having a laceration in their arm and deciding whether to go to a doctor or a student. They would need medical advice, not student advice.

That’s a fair point, but there’s still credence to the fact that the contract is shutting off the system of emotional help that students have. There is no doubt that a great amount of effort is required in dealing with the emotional state of an individual with mental issues such as depression or self-harm, but it’s unfair and dangerous to say that interaction with friends is forbidden.

When asked about the punishment clause of the contract, Ramirez responded that the punishment isn’t the focus of the contract, but this brings us to the brunt of the issue. Why then, is the wording so needlessly threatening? In the series of interviews with both Ramirez and Betsworth, there was always a need for clarification on the points of vagaries of both the student handbook and the contract. If such refinement is required of the points, isn’t there a fundamental problem with the wording?

This article is not meant to be a condemnation of counseling or getting help. In fact, its goal is just the opposite; it’s meant to recognize that the system is not flawless. At a certain point, the perception of fear of people like AZ and BY becomes the reality and when the intention of help becomes toxic is when help is needed most.

[bentonpena]

How to Read Long and Difficult Books

How to Read Long and Difficult Books http://bit.ly/2NQBd1W

In the last year, I’ve managed to finish a number of lengthy, sometimes hard-to-read books. Ron Chernow’s 900+ page tome on George Washington. 600+ dense pages on James Madison. Andrew Roberts’ massive biography of Winston Churchill. (Yes, I’m into biographies.) A couple of Dickens’ novels — they’re all big. Melville’s American masterpiece, Moby-Dick. Robert Caro’s legendary, epic series on Lyndon Johnson. And most recently, all 1,400+ pages of Les Miserables. 

Even though these books were enjoyable, and I had a genuine interest in the subject matter, they were often hard to read, if for no other reason than their sheer volume. Large pages, small fonts, tiny margins. Les Mis, because of its actual weight, had to be read sitting up, and often in a chair with an armrest because the thing was so dang heavy and unwieldy. (While I could have read an e-version, as I’ll explain below, I often prefer hardbound copies of classics, even if they’re harder to wrangle.) 

While Hugo and Dickens are a delight to read, the reality is that their language is so different from today that it takes brain power to really digest. And while those biographies I mentioned aren’t necessarily old, they are dense with facts, especially when you’re new to that person/time period. They’re just intimidating for folks who aren’t used to that type of reading which requires sustained focus and a bit of endurance. 

Before the last year or so, I would have probably counted myself in that camp. I had tried to read Washington: A Life and gave up after a few hundred pages. I’d tried Moby-Dick and met a similar fate. The allure of a big, meaty book was great, and yet I couldn’t find the stamina to actually finish many. 

So what was it that finally put me over the top and allowed me to get all the way through these hefty tomes? (And then to keep going too!) At the time, I wasn’t quite sure why. I figured it was some combination of having a plan and finally having the gumption to just keep flipping the pages. But after thinking about it, I realized that there was some innate method to how I was accomplishing it. There’s no need to be intimidated by old books, long books, or just plain hard to read books. It really is a skill to be learned in our Smartphone Age. 

Here’s how I did it (and continue to do it), and how you can too: 

1. Make a plan for yourself. 

Without a doubt, part of my success in reading at least a few of these books was that I had embarked on a couple different reading projects. One was to read a biography of every US president; the other was to read all of Dickens’ novels. (Both were set with indefinite timelines so that I can read other things too.) Having an end goal sure made it easier to get through Chernow’s Washington and Dickens’ sprawling and loosely connected series of vignettes that make up his first novel, The Pickwick Papers. 

Have a particular area of interest you want to explore? Is there a list out there that has really piqued your interest — perhaps AoM’s “100 Books Every Man Should Read”? Do you have a favorite author whose canon you’d like to explore in full? Make yourself a reading plan. 

2. Set a small amount of time or pages per day that you’ll read.

One of the keys in achieving that plan is giving yourself a micro-goal. My plan to read 44+ presidential biographies (some of which are multi-volume) gives me helpful direction, but it’s too distant an end goal to sustain my motivation from day to day. Even focusing on simply finishing the next book in the sequence is tough, when that book is massive — presidents’ lives are often very well explored and documented. 

So I go even smaller and set myself very attainable reading goals. I often flip through the book first to get a sense of how long chapters are; with Washington: A Life I set out to read a single chapter a day. With chapters averaging just 10-20 pages, this was totally doable. For books that have longer chapters (like Caro’s LBJ series), I’ll set a time-based goal, usually 30 minutes a day. 

Working from home, and not having a commute or anyone to disturb my lunch hour, I perhaps have more spare time to read than others. If you’re really cramped, give it just 10-15 minutes per day. You’ll get through those long and hard books far quicker than you’d expect, and when time and energy allow, you’ll often willingly do more than what you’ve allotted. 

3. Engage/interact with the text. 

One of the things that helps keep me engaged, especially when reading a long and/or difficult book, is making myself interact with the text. I almost always read with pencil/notebook at the ready, underlining interesting tidbits and writing one-sentence summaries of each chapter or important section. In James McPherson’s Battle Cry of Freedom — a classic history of the Civil War — I literally drew an illustration in my notebook when he mentioned the concentric circles of anti-slavery beliefs in the North. If you’re reading an e-version, underline and take notes in the same way. It’s a little harder (mainly for the notes part), but still worthwhile. 

4. Get an edition that you like. 

This can make a surprisingly big difference in your reading experience. Reading can be a far more kinetic activity than you’d think. The weight of the book, the styling of the font and the design of the text, even the cover art — if a book is nice to look at and easy to hold, you’re more likely to pick it up. 

Tangible and tactile, and free from the distractions built into my phone, I prefer paper copies for most of my reading, and often hardcovers specifically. Paperbacks are more portable, but the text is often a little harder to read with darker, smaller font size and tighter margins. And while I enjoy used bookstores as much as anyone else, I don’t like reading copies that have any notes or underlining in them already. It’s too distracting. So I always make sure to get a clean copy. 

When it comes to classic literature, you often have a ton of choices. Old versions are sometimes fun to have, but often harder to read, with small margins and overly dark text. I also like explanatory endnotes and lengthy introductions, which older versions almost always lack. Penguin Classics is the gold standard in my opinion. I have a few handfuls of those black paperback covers staring at me from my shelves. If I’m really feeling like I want a hardcover for whatever reason, I also really like the Everyman’s Library editions. 

In spite of the above, I’m also slowly getting back into reading with my Kindle. I tend to go in for an ebook when it’s not a volume I’m collecting, or that I desire taking up shelf space, or there’s simply a Kindle sale going on that’s too good to pass up. Certainly, when it comes to comfort, reading on a couch or in bed with a lightweight Kindle is hard to beat. I can read a weighty biography with a single hand, and even still chase kids around the house if need be. Plus, it doesn’t have the glare or distractions of a smartphone or tablet. And one final benefit of reading on a Kindle: free classic books! Anything published in 1923 and earlier can be had for free and downloaded within seconds. 

Ultimately, find what you like. Whether it’s a cheap used paperback, a new hardcover, or the ease of a Kindle edition, find the book version that you most enjoy reading. 

5. Have a dictionary/encyclopedia handy.

When it comes to long and difficult books, part of the struggle is just that they can make us feel dumb when we don’t know certain words or don’t have the contextual knowledge that would make it easier to understand. When I started to delve into Civil War reading, I got myself an atlas of Civil War battles and movements. When I read Les Mis, I kept my phone nearby to look up French phrases, antiquated and out-of-use words, and facts about the Battle of Waterloo (a section of text which nearly killed me). 

You’ll likely find it helpful to keep your phone at hand too; while you could invest in a hardbound dictionary, you’ll often need to access various resources to investigate various references (historical, cultural, etc.). Looking things up on your phone can invite the temptation to browse other apps, of course, but just fight past the Instagram itch. If that’s too difficult to do, block distracting apps during your reading time (here’s how).

6. Just get through the hard parts. 

With every long and/or difficult book, there’s bound to be a part that disengages you and makes it hard to pick back up. My encouragement to you: just get through it, even if it means skimming or (heaven forbid!) skipping chunks if needed. When reading the aforementioned Churchill biography, I skipped a section on his experience in the Boer War since I had already read Candice Millard’s spellbinding account on that same time period (and listened to her interview with Brett). 

Even if you don’t already know something, don’t worry about missing things. The first time you read a book, especially a long or difficult one, you’re going to inevitably miss things anyway. If it’s a novel, you’ll catch up to the plot quickly enough; if it’s non-fiction, you’ll survive missing a few facts — if they’re important enough, they’ll come back up. Trust me: It’s okay to skim things. 

7. Take advantage of the momentum! 

Part of why I’ve been able to read a lot of long books in the last year, I think, is simply that I finished Chernow’s Washington, which is a book I had previously given up on. Turning the final page and closing the back cover was quite gratifying. I knew that I could read the next hard book, whatever it might be. (It was David McCullough’s John Adams; McCullough is a great storyteller, but even he had a hard time making Adams’ decade in Europe exciting. Nevertheless, I got through it easily.)  

The same was true of Les Mis. After 1,432 pages and two months of reading most days, I was rather proud of what really felt like an achievement (perhaps more than it should have!). Finish one big, hard book and you’ll have momentum on your side. Really all it takes is one “win” to bolster your confidence in your reading capabilities. 

I know now, moving forward, that I can read and finish just about anything you put in front of me. With a little bit of daily diligence, intentional engagement with the text, and some strategic skimming and skipping if necessary, you can do the same. 

You can follow along with what I’m reading — plenty of long books included — by signing up for my weekly newsletter: “What I’m Reading.”

The post How to Read Long and Difficult Books appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

via The Art of Manliness http://bit.ly/2NeG3FZ September 3, 2019 at 01:58PM

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Rebecca McCarthy | Longreads | Month 2018 | 10 minutes (2,519 words)

In May of 2017, Mayor de Blasio unveiled Jimmy Breslin Way, a street sign dedicating the stretch of 42nd Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue to the late reporter. It was a strange press conference — half eulogy, half lecture — a chance for the mayor to laud Breslin and scold members of today’s media by whom he often feels unfairly maligned. “Think about what Jimmy Breslin did. Think about how he saw the world,” said de Blasio. He left without taking questions. What was he talking about? Did he imagine he and Jimmy Breslin would get along? In 1969 Breslin wrote a cover story about Mayor Lindsay for New York Magazine, “Is Lindsay Too Tall to Be Mayor?” was the title. Lindsay was an inch shorter than de Blasio.

In 2010, Heike Geissler took a temporary position at an Amazon warehouse in Leipzig. Geissler was a freelance writer and a translator but, more pressingly, she was the mother of two children and money was not coming in. Seasonal Associate, which was translated by Katy Derbyshire and released by Semiotext(e) this month, is the product of that job. (Read an excerpt on Longreads.) It’s an oppressive, unsettling book, mainly because the work is too familiar. The book is written almost entirely in the second person, a style that might’ve come off as an irritating affectation with a lesser writer or a different subject. Here, it’s terrifying — you feel yourself slipping along with Geissler, thoughts of your own unpaid bills and the cold at the back of your throat weaving their way through the narrative. It’s not just that this unnamed protagonist could be you, it’s the certainty that someday she will be you. “You’ll soon know something about life that you didn’t know before, and it won’t just have to do with work,” Geissler writes. “But also with the fact that you’re getting older, that two children cry after you every morning, that you don’t want to go to work, and that something about this job and many other kinds of jobs is essentially rotten.”

*

The question of who killed New York used to be up for debate. Was it John Lindsay, who couldn’t face reality, who covered the city’s debts with short-term, high interest loans he knew were impossible to repay? His successor, Abe Beame, who bent to the demands of the bankers and gutted the social safety net during the fiscal crisis of the 70’s? Ed Koch, who embraced Beame’s cuts wholeheartedly and mocked past mayors as men who wanted New York “to be the No. 1 welfare city in America”? Giuliani, who launched the deregulation of rent controlled apartments and the quality of life campaign that gave us Broken Windows and COMPSTAT? (I’m not mentioning David Dinkins, because I really don’t think David Dinkins brought us here.) Was it Hipsters and their attendant paraphernalia? Was it the McKibbin Lofts? Union Pool? Was it Shred Stuy?

Inventory work provides Geissler with a granular view of consumerism. Stripped of the marketing and storefronts that make it palatable it quickly begins to look like a form of mental illness. Who is buying these mugs, stamped with George Clooney’s face?

All New York City mayors are venal, but some are more venal than others. A few months ago, I would have told you Bloomberg was to blame, our bloodless, billionaire mayor, who rezoned the city’s most vulnerable neighborhoods and openly courted real estate investment from foreign billionaires. Rents rose at neat clip alongside the homeless population. To his credit, Bloomberg — a very short man — was always transparent about where his priorities lay. The city, he said, was a “luxury product” and it should behave that way.

De Blasio was supposed to be the antidote to the Bloomberg years, a progressive underdog who ran on universal pre-k and affordable housing. But that affordable housing has largely failed to materialize — where it’s been built, it’s often still pretty unaffordable — and his administration has been marked by disappointing half-measures and an ill-conceived plan for a ridiculous four billion dollar streetcar no one wants.

On Black Friday, Amazon workers staged mass walkouts across Europe. On Cyber Monday, led by community groups Make the Road New York and New York Communities for Change (NYCC), protestors stormed Amazon’s Midtown bookstore to protest the planned headquarters in Long Island City and later gathered in front of the LIC Civil Courthouse chanting “I stand in the rain, I stand in the snow, Amazon has got to go!” City Council members Jimmy Van Bremer, Jumanne Williams, and Melissa Mark-Vitero were all in attendance — Williams and Mark-Vitero, it should be noted, are both running for Public Advocate. All of them decried the incentives offered to Amazon, which total about 3 billion. Williams claimed they were steamrolled by the Mayor and Governor Cuomo and that while Cuomo’s betrayal was no surprise, the de Blasio administration was “the biggest waste of progressive capital [Williams had] ever seen.”

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It might’ve been a good show of force, had not all of the aforementioned politicians signed the letter urging Amazon to build its headquarters in New York. What did they think was going to happen? A New York Times investigation released earlier this year showed that the city had lost 152,000 rent-regulated apartments since 1993. The subway system is crumbling, the state leads the nation in income inequality, and the homeless population is at an all time high. No reasonable human being could look around and conclude that the answer to all these problems is to give the most avaricious company in the world the keys to the city. Amazon swallows everything it touches, it isn’t interested in civic health. Only half of the jobs being brought in are in tech and many of the low level positions will likely be replaced by robots fairly soon, but for now, these are the jobs for which the Mayor sold the city. “At any rate,” Geissler writes, early on in Seasonal Associate, “it’s almost impossible not to be forced to your knees and into defiance by this job you’re about to have.”

*

Geissler was hired in the warehouse to handle the Christmas rush, hence the title, and the cold is so omnipresent it seems to be a feature of the company rather than simply the reality of winter. A gate that will not latch properly becomes a major antagonist and everyone is either ill or on the verge of falling ill, although they have been warned specifically against this. “Sick days hurt Amazon,” Geissler is told at her orientation. Precarity manifests as a constant, low-grade fever. You’re the protagonist but her voice leads you through the job, a tired Virgil navigating a new circle of hell. The work is inventory — entering items into the system so they can be purchased online and performing at least a cursory check to make sure they’re undamaged. “Everything exists, in case you were going to ask,” says Geissler. “Absolutely everything exists, and people can buy it all.” Despite the scale of the warehouse, inventory work provides Geissler with a granular view of consumerism. Stripped of the marketing and storefronts that make it palatable it quickly begins to look like a form of mental illness. Who is buying these mugs, stamped with George Clooney’s face? Who needs these pre-distressed Iron Maiden hats, already rags at point of purchase? Amazon customers, which is to say, all of us.

Geissler tried to sell the book as straightforward journalism initially and was turned down by five publishers, likely because book is largely boring. It’s a propulsive, weaponized banality though — something unnatural is going on here and it’s hard to see a way out.

Geissler isn’t the typical warehouse employee and as a temporary contractor she’s something of a tourist at Amazon. She’s well-educated, she’s white, she lives with the father of her children, and she’s normally able to make a living — however precarious — as a writer. There’s significant privilege there. Many people spend their entire lives working shitty, unforgiving jobs with arbitrary, infantilizing rules and part of the reason Geissler is so attuned to the myriad indignities of Amazon is because she’s unused to them. She’s aware of this position though. “It has to be said right away,” she writes, “that no one is suited for unhappiness, yet this fact doesn’t get enough recognition.” Seasonal Associate is a book about slippage and a sudden fall into the working class, but it’s a document of anxiety and futility rather than stunt journalism. The central rallying point in the warehouse is a desk made out of a door — a replica of Jeff Bezos’ desk when he founded Amazon; an absurd symbol of frugality and the company’s dedication to customer satisfaction over employees’ personal comfort. As if every warehouse worker has the potential to become the richest man in the world, if only they would stop buying such expensive desks. The idea that if you work hard enough you will inevitably rise out of poverty has always been a sham and Amazon has taken it to it’s logical endpoint. You work hard and nothing happens. You will never be good enough at your job, because you’re a human being, not a machine. As long as you’re alive you’re a potential problem for the company.

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In order to maintain some sense of agency Geissler stages tiny acts of rebellion — refusing to hold a handrail despite the signs instructing her to hold the handrail, keeping her safety vest in her pocket until she absolutely has to put it on. The gestures are adolescent and effectively meaningless, but every time she’s snide it’s a relief — a sign of life. Much later, after her contract is finished, she recognizes a man in a parking lot who she described as Amazon’s “only hipster.” The last time she’d seen him he was docking people’s pay for what’s commonly known as time theft. They had lined up a few minutes early to leave work, rather than waiting, unpaid, to go through security. “Unable to think of anything better,” says Geissler. “Or because it seemed like the most appropriate idea, I called out the name of a book I’d just read, by Mark Greif and others. I yelled at him: What Was the Hipster! I called it twice and I thought then he might know he was over.”

Geissler tried to sell the book as straightforward journalism initially and was turned down by five publishers, likely because book is largely boring. It’s a propulsive, weaponized banality though — something unnatural is going on here and it’s hard to see a way out. “You’ve completely forgotten that you have a profession and are only here to alleviate momentary poverty,” Geissler writes, just after her interview at Amazon. “Something inside you is essentially unsettled and will never calm down again, even though you do get the job. From this point on, you are beside yourself with worry.”

My own mother raised two kids by herself as a high school English teacher and she took a number of side jobs to supplement her income. Tutoring, working at a bakery, working at a strange, luxury gardening store that sold copper birdhouses and rocks that said things like “LOVE” and “CREATE” for people who couldn’t. None of them were bad jobs, none as oppressive as warehouse work, but they did not pay very well. Her desk (worse than Jeff Bezos’) was just a slab of wood, perched atop two filing cabinets. She never made a big deal out of that though, because she is not an asshole. She’d wake up at four or five in the morning to grade the lousy papers of teenage Republicans and shovel the walkway, but she still tried to read to me and my brother before putting us to bed. Oftentimes she’d fall asleep mid-sentence and start mumbling about the electricity bill or replacing the boiler. Eventually, a doctor told her she had to relax — her blood pressure was dangerously high, her muscles so tense that when she breathed, her ribs barely moved.

If you think you’re immune to this — if you went to college, if you believe you’re upwardly mobile, if you imagine you will comfortably survive the inevitable spike in rent once Amazon’s headquarters settles into Queens — unless you have vast familial wealth to draw on, I’m sorry but you’re wrong.

My mom was thrown into financial uncertainty (and my dad wasn’t even a deadbeat) by an early divorce and the responsibility for two small children, but at this point that choking feeling is basically just the lived experience of the average American. In a conversation with Hans Ulrich Obrist in 2003 J.G. Ballard said that “the totalitarian systems of the future will be subservient and ingratiating, the false smile of the bored waiter rather than the jackboot.” This is it, the future is here now. It’s because Geissler doesn’t fit the typical profile of an Amazon warehouse worker that her book is such a well-timed warning shot. If you think you’re immune to this — if you went to college, if you believe you’re upwardly mobile, if you imagine you will comfortably survive the inevitable spike in rent once Amazon’s headquarters settles into Queens — unless you have vast familial wealth to draw on, I’m sorry but you’re wrong. Without immediate collective action, this is coming for all of us.

*

“Too tall,” Breslin clarified, about Mayor Lindsay, “means too Manhattanish, too removed from the problems of the street corners.” He wrote “Is Lindsay Too Tall to Be Mayor?” shortly after his own failed mayoral bid with Norman Mailer, a campaign that left him “nervous and depressed.”

“I saw a sprawling, disjointed place which did not understand itself and was decaying physically and spiritually, decaying with these terrible little fires of rage flickering in the decay…On top of the city was an almost unworkable form of government and a set of casually unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring men and institutions. The absence of communications in a city which is the communications center of the world is so bad that you are almost forced to believe the condition of the city is terminal.”

  If that doesn’t sound familiar, it will soon. On December 12, the New York City Council held the first of a series of hearings on the new Amazon headquarters. Protestors covered the balcony and unfurled a No HQ2 Banner. “It’s all smoke and mirrors!” a man yelled. “Don’t let them monopolize the city! Don’t let them near the subways, don’t let them near the schools — these guys are lying creeps!” He was escorted out.

Amazon has become so large that it can have the same pacifying effect as the threat of climate change, but despair isn’t helpful right now. As Hamilton Nolan and Dave Colon have already pointed out over at Splinter, Amazon’s New York headquarters represents the best chance at effectively unionizing the company and the resistance to HQ2 is broad and growing. Still, it was difficult to watch the City Council hearing without a paralyzing sense of dread. Amazon is a contractor with ICE, they have a horrific labor record, and they’re accountable to no one. That guy was right, these people are lying creeps, as are many of the people we’ve elected. There’s such a long and rich tradition of grift in this city that it’s rare to be able to definitively level blame, but here we are. De Blasio was too tall to be mayor and we didn’t see it. “Is this all a matter of life and death?” Geissler writes, at the very beginning of Seasonal Associate. “I’ll say no for the moment and come back to the question later. At that point, I’ll say: Not directly, but in a way yes. It’s a matter of how far death is allowed into our lives.”

* * *

Rebecca McCarthy is a freelance writer and a bookseller.

Editor: Dana Snitzky