#and filler isn’t a dirty word to me! that’s not necessarily a bad thing I think certain moments can sometimes even hit more strongly w

[1960z]

also god, it can’t be overstated just how gripping turnabout goodbyes is. it never pulls any punches and especially when you get to that second trial day it’s just a roller coaster you can’t and don’t want to get off it’s so fucking good

[adonis-koo]

tease

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↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,  

Word count: 16k

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Song mood

Tags: Attempted thigh riding, semi dry humping, lots of teasing, JK and MC can’t keep their hands to themselves, daddy kink, mutual masturbation, thigh riding, dirty talk, dom!kook, sub!mc is anyone surprised? Heavy degradation, light spanking, MC has a big praise kink, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, lots of cum, JK is soft with aftercare :(

Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter presents them.

Weeks had flown by, and before you knew it. You had been working at Cherry Bomb now for a little over two months and thankfully after your last altercation with Jungkook, your relationship with him had taken a turn for the better. Things weren’t perfect by any means and you still argued and bickered a fair bit, but nothing had ever lasted more than a few hours at most.

Performing had also gotten better as your confidence grew, unfortunately God just couldn’t let you have one victory without a major fail in the process. Your first private dance- went horrible.

Even weeks after the event you still cringed at the memory, you had a bad stomach bug at the time but insisted on working that week- to be fair it just ached most the time! You couldn’t even consider yourself sick! ...Unfortunately you had been incredibly nervous that day and the stomach bug you had made it even worse...the early dinner you had that day made its way up during your lap dance for the client….

You cried for over three days after it happened and just the thought made you burst into tears from pure humiliation. Jungkook had started cracking up when the client had went directly to him afterwards, covered in pile and his face twisted into the most vile and pissed expression you had ever seen, the client then proceeded to give him a full, long listed complaint as to why you were a horrible dancer.

He found it hilarious and the client ended up storming the building threatening to sue though it never happened- Jungkook was a laughing mess until he saw you were in tears and had since tried to be sensitive with the topic, though occasionally he still can’t help but let a snicker escape at your misfortune.

You’ve been sparse with your private dancing ever since, still scarred over the experience despite the countless times Jungkook coddled you saying ‘he just had his balls in a knot’ and your dancing was perfectly fine, as he’d also remind you accidents happen all the time.

Regardless you had still been reluctant to take on a ton of private dances still not quite gotten over the fear of it Jungkook had told you it was just bad luck and they’ve all had a few bad experiences with private dances and you shouldn’t let it stop you. But regardless you still had a few reservations.

Sweat had currently beaded down your neck as you finished your routine, laying on the floor as you sighed, pushing the strands of frizzy hair away from your head in frustration, why couldn’t you just get into the feel of the music? This was the fourth time you had tried and you still couldn’t get into the rhythm of it.

It was currently July and you were on break from college which allowed you to dedicate all of your time to Cherry Bomb but even now, you still seemed to struggle.

You thought for sure when you finally got the time off to dedicate yourself you’d become better but you still felt stiff in your movement and fillers had yet to get off your back about it, maybe you could run it again? Maybe then you’d finally channel your inner sexy stripper.

“Babygirl it looked fine,” Jungkook called from his spot, his manspread open and hands resting on his thighs, he had been patient enough to watch each time while giving corrections but now even he sighed not understanding why you were being so critical of yourself when you danced just fine, “Stop pushing yourself so hard, that’s my job.”

Groaning you sat up before scooting to the edge of the stage, letting your feet hang off it’s edge as you frowned, “I’m never gonna improve if I don’t, besides you used to make me go through it all the time.”

Jungkook clacked his tongue at you, not looking particularly sold on your words as you hoped he would, “That was back when your form needed heavy work and you weren’t used to sexualizing choreography.” He stood up as he walked up to the stage, grabbing your waist as he pulled you down before turning his chin down to look at you, “And furthermore I know when you need to be pushed and when you need a break. All you do is push yourself until you can’t go anymore, that’s not healthy baby.”

You were already rolling your eyes as you pushed past him mimicking his words silently with a childish expression, “Healthy my ass you’re the one who smokes half a pack of cigarettes anytime you make less the seven hundred a night!” You knew he had a point but that didn’t change the fact that you also had a point, improvement only came from hard work, that had been hardwired inside you long before you ever started working at Cherry Bomb, it was just who you were.

Jungkook unhinged his jaw in offense as he raised his brows, quickly hightailing you because he was never about to let you run your mouth without a fight of some sort, just as he told you when you first signed the contract, he wasn’t about to deal with a brat, “I could smoke a whole pack if I wanted too but I don’t baby! It’s called self control and that doesn’t have anything to do with my point!”

“Self control!?” You shouted whirling around. Nearly everyone in the room more interested in your bickering as they turned their heads back and forth between you both, “Smoking a half pack instead of a whole isn’t something to be proud of- the fuck!?”

You had only recently found out Jungkook was a stress smoker and had been on his ass ever since about it. Even if he didn’t have an addiction it wasn’t healthy and he could very easily become addicted if he wasn’t careful. You couldn’t help but worry about his health. But in another way you didn’t feel sorry for him given you were lucky if you made 200 in a night, let alone less than 700.

Jungkook’s lips puckered as if he had sucked on something sour and his eyes squinted into an irritable look as he huffed, “Don’t make this about me babydoll, this is about you being a perfectionist, push yourself any harder and you’re bound to pull a muscle- potentially rip one, or end up collapsing on stage from exhaustion and I am not letting that happen. So sit your little ass down and take a break this isn’t up for debate.”

You opened and closed your mouth several times, an indignant expression twisting on your face in offense as he raised his brows, daring you to put up a fight before you ultimately stomped your foot sending him a pouting glare before sitting between Rosé and Jimin.

“He isn’t lying Y/n,” Rosé hummed as she wrapped an arm around your shoulders, giving it a comforting squeeze, “You’ve improved a lot over the past few months, but things take time don’t worry about it. Honestly, if you keep it up you’ll probably get picked for Seasonella.” She sent you a wink making your lips quirk up though you weren’t sure what she meant.

Furrowing your brows despite your smile you tilted your head, “What do you mean?” You had heard the term thrown around a few times in the past but more and more recently the name Seasonella had started popping into filler conversations you had overheard.

Jungkook had a large frown on his face, a harsh line between his brows with an unappreciative glare towards Rosé making you all the more curious from his look, was Seasonella something bad? “Rosé don’t.”

She curved a brow at him as she scoffed, obviously both annoyed at his expression and not feeling threatened as most would in her shoes, if there was one person who never cared about Jungkook’s moodiness or glare’s it would be her, “What, don’t tell me you seriously don’t think they’d pick her.”

You glanced between them both, even more confused than before as you frowned, what did they mean? Why would you be picked, and what for? Was it some sort of competition like SSU?

“Oh I don’t doubt she would be picked but that doesn’t mean she’s actually ready,” Jungkook replied, an odd defensive note in his voice before he turned towards you, his shoulders relaxing a little as he continued, “Beside’s we’re aiming for SSU, right babygirl?”

The Solo Step Up, was a competition held every year to pick a new soloist and was won through crowd favor. It gave everyone a fair chance though you had learned that wasn’t the only way to be moved up. The competition was still well over two months away but that didn’t stop people from already prepping, you included.

Jungkook and you had equally agreed it was an attainable goal, you weren’t necessarily set on winning. As the only person who had ever won in under a year was Jungkook himself which was how he had earned his title as the King. He had pure, raw talent honed with technique from Namjoon, you doubt you could replicate that, let alone in less time than him.

Jungkook had agreed you’d most likely need more time but winning crowd favor, even if it wasn’t enough to win, was still a good plug for yourself and would make chances of winning next year close to unbeatable.

That being said, perhaps that was why you had been pushing yourself so hard. You wanted to come across as desirable as you could and win as much of the crowd over as possible. Chan Hee, had been absolutely dominating the stage and even you couldn’t deny that. She always made things difficult when you got paired in group dances together and often times, you’d make even less money a night because of her.

Not only did she have the body to flaunt but she was inherently sexual, which wasn’t a bad thing, clearly, but she had a much easier time with it than you. Rather then vehemently denying her talent like a lot of other fillers, you had found yourself often studying her, trying to figure out how she did it. But you always ended up coming to a dead end, she was just a natural and would definitely win by a long shot.

“Yeah, but- what’s Seasonella?” Jungkook groaned at your curiosity as you tilted your head once more, glancing around everyone as you shrugged, “Well I’ve just heard a lot of the other fillers talking about it, seems like a big deal.”

Jimin was the one to speak up as a smirk coiled on his face, “Well that’s because it is- for fillers. Seasonella is kind of like a big VIP party one of Cherry Bomb’s biggest clients and sponsors throw in Las Vegas USA every year. Soloist’s are automatically on the ‘list’ of entertainment, so it’s just another job for us. The client and his son come every year though to hand pick some of the fillers they want to work the party as well, outside of SSU it’s another really good way of getting recognized by upper management here and possibly promoted.”

Your lips parted in almost delight at the idea. You weren’t honestly sure why Jungkook thought you couldn’t handle it. You wouldn’t question him though mainly because you were still stuck on private dancing even after two months and you still only made 50 a night any time you danced next to Chan Hee, the reason he didn’t want you to go was obvious. Even if it was a good way to get recognized and despite Rosé’s words. You just didn’t see that happening for you, realistically speaking.

Not only that but you’d agree you didn’t necessarily feel ready for anything big like a VIP party for Cherry Bomb’s biggest clients and sponsors. Talk about pressure to perform well. Jungkook only frowned as he leaned back on his hands, “It’s a good way to get recognized but half the fillers don’t know what they’re signing up for. Baby if I’m being honest, it’s not even your dancing I’m worried about,”

He looked as if he wanted to explain himself briefly, as if not wanting you to assume he doubted your ability though that wasn’t even your problem, “Strippers are bought there and even though it’s technically your choice, you don’t really get a say so. Not to sound like an asshole but…” He glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck as he sighed, eyes looking a little hesitant, “You don’t have the sexual experience or personality to handle being thrown into that your first year.”

You could tell he had no intentions of offending you as you watched the concern wash in his eyes, if anything you could feel your cheeks burning up at his words. Did he...really think you were that inexperienced? Sexually? That wasn’t even his point, but you were stuck on those words in particular.

For the first time, you found yourself not wanting to be seen so childishly. You glanced away from him, struggling to keep your face from showing any emotion as you replied, “No I get it- It’s not like I really wanted to go anyways, I was just curious on what it was.” It was the truth, you had no plans of going against him on that but still...Inexperienced?

For the first time in your life, you found a fire burning inside you wanting to desperately prove him wrong. Maybe that would be your motivation tonight.

Jungkook stayed up by the bar thumbing the ring around the beer he held as he sat on the bar stool, having got off an hour ago, but he couldn’t help himself to stay longer just to watch you dance. Eyes focusing on the performance ahead, you where in the last half of your dance as you turned your back to the audience, pushing down the shorts you had been teasing the crowd with the whole time to reveal the black lace cheeky panties.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight as the whistles rang out in the crowd, money being thrown at you left and right as he shook his head.

If only you could see how much progress you genuinely made compared to your first week and now. He clacked his tongue, the small proud smirk coiling on his face as the bright smile adorned your face as you left the stage, dancing through the audience, nipples perked at the air of the room and your pretty hair messily over your shoulders.

The one thing that had changed the most about your performance, in Jungkook’s eyes, was how much you seemed to enjoy it now, compared to when you first started. And from an outside perspective no matter how sexy a filler was, it just couldn’t compare to that bright smile on your face when you’d slut drop down before sticking your ass out right in front of the clients chair. The money almost hurriedly shoved into the hem of your stockings as you quickly turned to the next chair.

It had took him forever, but Jungkook had finally figured out what your strong suit was when it came to stripping. Everyone had a strong suit needed to be played up. And after last month he realized what yours was.

You probably didn’t even realize it but you loved teasing the audience. Those semi shy smiles but they had a coy cool tone to them compared to normal, the winks you’d throw their way while running your hands over your body. Your whole disposition changed, you had fun on the stage and it showed. That’s when Jungkook started catering choreography more towards your strong suit, making sure your costumes suited your stage personality. And that’s when real progress started being made.

The rest had been history. You were good, you just didn’t see that yourself yet.

Heading to the stage you couldn’t keep the grin off your face as you collected the money, so many ones laid all over the ground and you knew you had done well tonight. There had to be over a hundred at least tonight. Piling them up you pulled them into a messy stack as you pranced to the staff area ready to count your earnings for the night.

You had been looking forward to tonight as it was Jimin’s birthday and he wanted everyone over to celebrate and there was no better way to end a day of work like having a hands filled with cash.

What you hadn’t expected though was the person who called out your name, “Y/n.”

Freezing where you stood you felt your heart rate spike at the sound of the voice as your lips quivered, turning around you had never felt more exposed then the moment you turned around to meet the hellfire gaze of your ex boyfriend, “Hanjae?” How in gods name did he even think to come here, of all places to look for you?

You knew it didn’t look good, you were in nothing but cheeky panties and a pair of clear stripper heels, piles of money in hand as you skittishly backed away, self consciousness suddenly lighting through your veins like wildfire at his disgusted, sneered glare, “So this is what you’ve succumbed to huh?” Hanjae snapped out, stalking closer to you as you feebishly backed away, “Dancing like a whore for money? God what the hell happened to you Y/n? You used to be so innocent and you’ve let the wrong people fucking ruin you.”

He sounded as angry as he looked before suddenly grabbing at your arm in an iron hold,pain shooting against your skin as you winced, his voice steel and low as he spoke, “Come on, get dressed, if you needed money that bad you should’ve told me instead of trying to push me away and sell yourself.”

“I-I…” You were in shock at first before quickly pulling away, anger flooding your body as you felt a pang an indignant pang in your stomach, “I’m not selling myself you dick!” You had never seen Hanjae’s brows shoot up the way they did at your uncharacteristic words before you gave another tug on your arm in an attempt to pull away from him, “This is my job and I’m not going anywhere with you! Now get the fuck out of here before I call security.”

How dare he! Just because you were a stripper didn’t make your work any less hard, your feet were scarred with blisters, had bled from them digging into your feet, you couldn’t count the amount of pulled muscles you had gained and the amount of creeps you dealt with on a day to day basis. Being a strip worker didn’t make your job or you any less valid! How dare he insinuate that it wasn’t!

Hanjae’s glare sharpened as he squeezed harsher on your arm, a pained whimper escaping your lips and tears threatening to sting your eyes at the throb in your arm as he snapped, “This is not your job, you’re making yourself so easy for men and that’s not who you are. Get a fucking hold of yourself.”

You had parted your lips once more to snap back at him but before you could even say anything Hanjae was suddenly pulled away from you, hauled up into the hands of Jungkook’s tight knuckled grip on his shirt, his broad back facing you as he growled, “Listen here you little freak, if I ever fucking see you touch her like that again, I will personally break every finger on your hand. Now you heard her, get the fuck out of her.”

Jungkook had let go of his shirt, intending to turn around to check on you before he was suddenly shoved back, “Oh, I should’ve known you were the cause of this, what are you?” Hanjae sneered, “Her little fucking puppy? You know she doesn’t love you, right?”

You swallowed thickly at the way Jungkook’s shoulders tensed and before you could even reach out to calm him down his knuckle had already curled into a fist that was sent directly into Hanjae’s path and just as you had seen countless times, Jungkook never missed his target.

Everything happened so fast, Hanjae had stumbled back and before he could even recover Jungkook had already hauled him up, shoving him against the wall where another punch was thrown, and another, and another one after that.

Before you knew it security had hurried over and it still took Hoseok pulling Jungkook away to get him to stop, his knuckle swollen and blood trickling down your ex’s face but Jungkook didn’t relent as he growled, “Next time I see you, you’ll be fucking lucky to have them stop me.”

“Next time you’ll be the one eating dirt you whore fucker.” Hanjae sneered out, Jungkook was quickly riled up again as he struggled to lunge back at him, Namjoon had already been hurrying over, quickly grabbing Jungkook as well to hold him back while Hanjae tried to reach back for him, the security hauling him away as he thrashed.

“Easy Jungkook, cool down.” Namjoon sighed, both him and Hoseok still struggling to keep him back as he glared holes into Hanjae’s figure. Jungkook quickly snapped at them both to let him go, and reluctantly they did so as his eyes quickly locked onto your figure, anger residing briefly before concern took over, “Are you okay babygirl?” He quickly pushed away from both friends as he gently grabbed your forearms, eyes washing over your body to check for any marks left behind, “Did he hurt you?” His words had a sour tone now, as if pissed at just the idea making you swallow before quickly shaking your head.

“Hey, hey, hey! Look at me,” You quickly grabbed his attention that was now redirecting to where Hanjae had been dragged off too, “I’m fine Guk, it’s fine.” He still didn’t seem sold on your words, his jaw still clenched and his eyes lingering on the exit, almost looking as if he wanted to follow just to continue beating the life out of your ex.

He huffed before glancing back at you, his grip on you opposite of his sour gaze, “Come on, get dressed in my room, that was your last dance right?” You nodded as he quickly wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you along back into the staff area of the building.

You had gathered your bag, packing up before pulling on the robe and making your way to his dressing room. Opening the door you peaked in before coming in fully, Jungkook had been pacing, running a hand through his hair, still huffy at what had happened as he glanced at you briefly, “Honestly Y/n, how could you ever be with such an asshole?” He huffed, jaw clenched as he collapsed down on the couch, almost looking like a brooding child as he tucked his tongue into his cheek, “What a fucking dick, why didn’t you come get me?”

You clacked you lips, raising your eyebrows as you set your bag down on his vanity, taking off your robe as you sat down and began to get changed, “Jungkook you got off shift an hour ago, how was I supposed to know you were still at Cherry Bomb?”

You glanced in the mirror to watch his lips part and close several times, wanting to object before his face soured again, looking away from you as he huffed once more, obviously knowing you were right before he muttered, “Still, he’s lucky I didn’t break his jaw right there. Has he been stalking you?” He suddenly demanded, as if fired up again at the idea, “We’re going to get a restraining order if he keeps this shit up.”

“Yeah, yeah okay,” You replied dismissively, more focused on your stockings you unclipped from your garter belt as you pulled them off, “I’m being serious!” Jungkook snapped though his tone held no real bite, you only waved a hand, making his lips part indignantly at your dismissal. Sighing you stood up as you faced him, “Jungkook it’s fine, really, outside of the occasional wall of text he sends me he hasn’t tried to get into my apartment-”

“I’d hope to fuck he hasn’t!” Jungkook cut you off with a growl, as he shifted around in his seat. You had learned to never take him completely serious when he got like this, thus your dismissal though you’d admit. Hanjae finding you at work did have you a little spooked. Jungkook had changed the lock out on your door after the last incident two months ago and since then you didn’t have a problem.

Occasionally Hanjae would find you out in a diner or at the mall but he’d never actually had the chance to really argue with you. Sighing you grabbed the bra from your bag before hooking it and pulling it over your shoulders, “Jungkook!” You chided him making him look away from you, refusing to let his broody expression go, at times, he truly was like a child, “Look at me, I’m completely fine. I was just taken aback at him being here, that’s all. Besides I doubt he tries anything after what you did.” You adjusted the bra before pulling the sweat pants out of your bag.

“He’s lucky Hoseok got there when he did,” He replied lowly, eyes now casted on his knuckle which was red and appeared a little swollen, “Would’ve did a lot more than that if they had let me. Little bitch deserves it.”

Sighing you pulled the shirt over your head before walking over, taking a seat on the couch beside him, he still refused to look at you, not wanting to let go of his broodiness which truly did make him look like a toddler, “Koo,”

“I told you not to call me that,” Jungkook turned away from you, his brows furrowing making you snort a laugh which made his shoulders more tense, obviously still not over the situation.

Sighing you let your gaze soften slightly before scooting a little closer, “Look at me,” He still refused making you clack your lips before delicately grabbing his jaw, feeling his warm skin beneath your touch and the tension that held in his jaw, “Come on, look at me I’m fine,” You pulled his gaze towards you, his broody expression threatening to drop as you cupped his face, letting your fingers graze down his jawline, “You already threw hands with him, you stopped him from hurting me, what more do you want?”

Jungkook tried to sport his brooding expression but couldn’t at the feeling of your small hands practically petting against his jaw forcing it to relax against your touch, “Maybe a thank you,” He replied with a murmur, though you could tell he was just using that as an excuse to keep being huffy, laughing you gave a nod before crawling up into his lap, hands suddenly wrapping around you as you buried down into the crook of his neck, pressing a shy kiss against his skin as you smiled, “Thank you Guk.”

You felt his nose bury down into your hair, his body finally relaxing as he murmured, “Always babygirl.”

“Come on, don't be a little bitch,” Jimin tried to coax you as you laughed shaking your head as you held your arms in front of you. Most people usually went out partying for their birthdays, but given you and all of your friends worked in a strip club the inclination was not there.

Instead everyone was in comfy clothes or pajamas, a bottle of half drank whiskey was out and a movie had been running in the background, it was perfect.

The vanilla cake with buttercream frosting had been cut into and admittedly, you were part of the reason it was nearly gone, and already working on your third slice as Jimin tried to coax you into a line of shots, “I’m a lightweight Jimin once I start I won’t stop.”

“Oh so you’re basically Namjoon but smaller?” Seokjin snorted, taking the bottle to put more in his cup of soda as Namjoon shot him an unappreciative glare, “Come on live a little Y/n, Jungkook can take you home if you get wasted, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you drunk.”

Drinking together had happened quite often, so you’d give him merit to his words. You weren’t a drinker yourself and always suffered terrible nausea afterwards, thus forcing you to not partake as you always had a bad hangover the day after.

You pouted before sighing, watching Jimin throwback another shot, his cheeks already flushed and you could tell he was beginning to walk the fine line of sober and drunk, “I’m not going to force Jungkook to be my babysitter while we aren’t at Cherry Bomb, I’m cool just eating cake,” You pointed at your half ate slice before smiling, “In fact, I’ll probably go for a fourth here soon.” Plopping another piece in your mouth you gave a smile. Namjoon sat down beside you as he pulled an arm around your shoulder, “Not all of us have to get wasted to have fun.”

Namjoon was usually the only other sober person besides yourself and Jungkook and therefore you had shared the bond of the few sober people left, Jungkook, you had found out wasn’t particularly fond of drinking either, though according to Jimin he wasn’t a lightweight.

“Alright that’s it,” Seokin stood up as he grabbed an empty shot glass, making you instantly object as he poured the contents into it, walking over as he put the shot in front of you, “It’s my personal task to get you to loosen up and get wasted tonight.”

Your expression puckered into a sour one as you glared down at the shot, you could hear Seulgi laughing near the couch with Hoseok as she called out, “Y/n never cuts loose, that’s a lost battle Seokjin.”

Whipping around your lips parted, slightly offended at her words. You could relax! You just didn’t need to be wasted to do so! Huffing, you could tell Jungkook had been rubbing off on you as the need to prove her wrong rose in your stomach. You could drink, just because it wasn’t your go to didn’t make you any less fun. Clacking your lips you suddenly grabbed the shot before knocking it back.

Your face distorted at its taste and your throat burned but you took it like a champ before waving Seokjin for another round, his grin brightening as he brought the bottle over and Jimin was already cheering you on, “Uh are you sure Y/n?” Namjoon asked, a little concerned for you as Seokjin gave less than two shits and preferred enabling you.

You gave a relaxed nod as you smiled, “I’m fine! I know what to call it quits.” You cheered your shot towards him before taking a second one, you could relax perfectly fine. Maybe they were right, it had been forever since you drank anyways and tomorrow was Sunday anyways, one of the few precious days off to sleep in.

“Look this is important to me okay?” Jungkook raised his brows as he sat out on the bed, having been pulled aside by his bestfriend who was pacing around the room, that signature anxious look on his face he only dawned when it was about his lover.

Sighing Jungkook shrugged before asking, “Okay? What’s up?” He knew he was in for the long haul when his best friend sighed, pulling out the black velvet box from his pocket, Jungkook’s eyes widened as he spoke, “Oh shit, you were serious?”

Taehyung had been debating the idea for countless hours to him about proposing and honestly? Jungkook didn’t really care but he’d be supportive regardless of his friend’s decision, but to see the pretty diamond ring sparking in it’s holder still had him a little taken aback, Taehyung only groaned at his expression, wondering why he expected anything less, “Of course I was being serious. I love her man, I just, we’ve been living together for awhile now and I figured, let’s just tie the knot, y’know? Yeri’s cousin just got married recently and she’s been talking non stop about when we do one day, I just figured...Why one day when we can now?”

Sighing Jungkook leaned back against his hands, still apprehensive about the idea, he had been an ass when they were younger sure and he gave Yeri a hard time definitely, he could always owe up to when he was a dick. But still, marriage was a bit...Maybe he just didn’t understand? Shrugging he decided to give as neutral of a reply as possible, “Sure I guess.”

“Oh my god,” Taehyung muttered under his breath, irritated at both Jungkook for his lack of real opinion and himself for expecting more of an answer, Jungkook only gave a hum as he shrugged again, watching his best friend pace back and forth before running a hand through his hair, “Dude can’t you be a little more helpful?”

Holding up his hands Jungkook raised his own brows before scoffing, “You think I know shit about girls let alone proposing? Just ask Y/n, she’d probably be more help than me.”

“Just you wait you little shit,” Taehyung huffed, running a hand through his hair once more as he rolled his eyes, almost daydreaming about the day Jungkook wouldn’t be such an emotionally constipated idiot, “You’ll be in my position eventually.”

Clacking his lips Jungkook mirrored his expression as he rolled his own eyes, just the idea made him shudder and everyone knew he was not about that kind of life. Opening the door to the closed room as they both began to walk down the hallway, “Doubt it, you know how I feel about marriage.”

Snorting Taehyung glanced at him in disbelief, “What the one where you actually wanna get married and have a traditional wedding because you’re that guy?” Taehyung placed the small box back in his pocket, a small anxiety still in his heart unsure of when or where the right time would be to pop the question.

“The one where I doubt I’ll find a girl to even marry dipshit,” Jungkook replied, sighing as he gave a careless shrug as they walked down the hall, “Besides I have too much baggage for anyone to want to deal with anyways. I don’t see the big deal, just ask her, she’d say yes regardless.”

Taehyung glared at him briefly, “You can’t just ask a girl to marry you Jungkook-”

“Hell yeah you can,” Jungkook snorted back, a dumb grin on his face that made Taehyung glare at him with the strong urge to punch it right off his face, ignoring his friends over dramatization Jungkook jabbed him with his elbow, “Imma fucking propose while eating my girl out just to prove your ass wrong, just you wait.”

He only facepalmed as Jungkook laughed, patting his back reassuringly before he continued, “All jokes aside you’ll know when the time is right, don’t rush anything, it’s not like you guys don’t have forever.”

Sighing Taehyung looked a little downcast but nodded his expression however, quickly twisted into mild shock as his eyes suddenly perking up as they entered the living room, sighing as he muttered, “Oh jesus christ.”

Confused Jungkook glanced up as well, eyes widening to saucers at the hot mess the living room had become under the twenty minutes they both had been gone.

Yeri had long since become drunk, sniffling in front of the mirror as Rosé continuously gave her an empowering speech, though her own words were jostled and slurred as Yeri cried while nodding in the mirror. Hoseok had already been passed out on the couch and Seulgi was on her way out as well.

The more horrifying sight was his own trainee on the barstool straddled in Jimin’s lap, his lips attached to your neck but your focus was on the near empty bottle of whiskey that you shakily poured into your cup, accidentally spilling most in the process, “M-mm!” You whined with a hiccup, his plump lips working down your neck as you closed your eyes, finally dropping the bottle on the counter as it’s contents spilled out.

You couldn’t even remember how many shots you had took and your mind was hazy, body burning up and wetness pooled between your legs at the feeling of Jimin’s swollen erection in his own sweatpants that brushed against your thigh.

Jimin placed his hands on your hips, encouraging you as you bucked against him, giving another whimper at the friction that pressed into your clit, your mind hazy and not even properly realizing what position you sat yourself voluntarily in. You gave an even bigger whine at suddenly being picked up, the pleasure you had been chasing after quickly disappearing, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Jungkook growled between you both as he held you close, his grip tight and had you been sober you would’ve noticed both the protective and jealous leer in his expression.

You however, weren’t sober at all and therefore struggled against him uselessly in attempt to sit back in the warm lap that made you feel so good. Jimin’s cheeks were flushed as he drunkenly stood up, swaying a little before poking Jungkook’s chest though he himself looked more affected by it as he laughed, “Jealousy isn’t a good look of you Guk (hic) you should get that checked out.”

You let out a small whine, kicking to get out of Jungkook’s arms but he didn’t relent, in fact, it seemed to make him only squeeze you tighter as he glared down at the blonde, “Fuck off. We’re leaving Y/n.” Your lips parted several times at the use of your name before pouting, letting him grab your phone before saying goodbye to Taehyung and Namjoon, the only two sober people left before making his way out of the apartment.

Jungkook set you down, swaying you suddenly giggled, taking a wobbly step forward, the world around you seemed to be spinning yet it only seemed to make you laugh, what a strange world! “(hic) Why is the floor spinning Koo?” Accidentally leaning too far back you almost fell down before Jungkook quickly herded behind you, catching you as he sighed, maybe he shouldn’t of been surprised but he didn’t honestly think someone as tiny as you could actually get so wasted in such little time.

But clearly you weren’t lying all those times you told him you were lightweight. But this? No this was featherweight. Sweeping you off your feet he carried you with ease as he glanced down at your figure, “Fucking hell baby, how much could you drink in twenty minutes?”

“Mmm,” You ignored him, your eyes glassy and dilated, looking spacey and more interested in the bulge of his muscles that proudly flexed while carrying you so effortlessly, your arms happily wrapped around his neck before pressing your nose into it’s crook as you swung your feet, “You’re so (hic) strong Koo.” he sighed at the feeling of your soft lips peppering his neck in kisses with another little hiccup, “Are we (hic) getting food?”

Jungkook wrinkled his nose as he carefully walked down the stairs of the apartment complex, making sure to hold onto you a little tighter (much to your delight) as he sighed, “No babydoll, you need some water and sleep.”

His words made your mouth gape before twisting into a big puppy pout, you kicked your feet around before whining into his neck, Jungkook didn’t relent though despite your childishness, not wanting to have to clean up the bile that you would undoubtedly throw up if he took you out to eat, “No buts, you already had way too much cake, you’ll be lucky to keep that down on the ride back home.”

You were already whining again, your grip on his neck tightening as you begged, your tummy rumbling though you weren’t sure if that was a good thing, eyes watery as you whimpered, “But…! I-I’m- (hic) but I’m hungry!” Jungkook paused at the bottom of the stairs, closing his eyes as he inhaled through his nose, feeling the wet substances of tears trickling against his neck, “Guk!” you cried softly before giving another pathetic little hiccup that had been breaking your voice anytime you spoke, had he not been so focused on taking you home he would’ve found a moment to laugh and address how cute it was.

Jungkook felt a piece of his will chip away at your tears, mainly because he couldn’t stand to see you cry, even if it was because you were completely drunk and just wanted to impulse eat, “Baby no,” He concluded softly, walking towards his car as he shifted his grip on you to one hand briefly to pull his keys from his pocket, “You’ve had too much to drink, we can get something to eat in the morning.”

He almost wanted to groan at the sob that emitted from his neck, your hands now coiled around him tightly as you threw a fit, Jungkook let out a silent sigh, feeling as if he should’ve known you’d be ten times more melodramatic than when you were sober when you didn’t get your way. Unlocking the car he set you down in the passenger side, struggling to get you to let go before he paused, kneeling down “Hey, look at me baby.”

Hiccuping you finally looked at him, your eyes bloodshot and pupils dilated more than normal, you looked like a sad little puppy with watery eyes and fat crocodile tears running down your cheeks as he cupped your face, “You can’t eat baby, you’ve had a lot of cake already and I don’t want you getting sick,” he explained softly while wiping your tears as you let out a string of ‘But’s’ along with another hiccup, “Shhh,” He hushed you as you softly shed a few more tears, “We’ll get something to eat in the morning, but we need to get home baby.”

Letting out another gentle sob you finally let go of him while defeatedly curling your knees into your chest, shutting the door Jungkook groaned, running a hand through his hair. He left you for twenty- not even twenty it had to be fifteen minutes and they...He forced his jaw to relax as he sat in the drivers side, deciding to not think about it or else he’d go back in there and find out who put you up to drinking.

The car ride had went smooth for the most part, after three minutes you had forgotten why you were crying to begin with and had happily talked about dogs almost the whole way home before you started crying again, mainly about dogs and why you were allergic to them and how life wasn’t fair. Jungkook couldn’t help the snort that escaped his lips in the process, which caused an ocean of tears from you making him hurriedly attempt to soothe.

You were half passed out by the time he got you out of the car, pulling out the key to your apartment before unlocking the door and carrying you inside, letting out a sigh he laid you down on your bed as you murmured in a sleepy, small voice, “(hic) you aren’t leaving me. Right?”

“You need to get some sleep babydoll,” Jungkook tried to stand straight but your grip on him coiled suddenly babbling about how men were heartless and women should create a harmonic society like amazons where women would never have to deal with men again, all because he said, you. needed. sleep.

“Okay, okay, fine.” Jungkook sighed, making you scoot over excitedly, your grin was hard to deny as you bounced in your spot as he laid down, almost immediately crashed down on top of him, nuzzling into his neck as he wrapped his arms around you, “You’re a handful you know that?”

Fumbling you placed your hands on his chest, propping yourself up a little to look at him as you replied, “But I’m (hic) your baby, I’m worth it.” You flashed him a closed eye smile.

Jungkook couldn’t resist the urge to laugh as he rubbed a hand down your back, his gaze soft and affectionate at how silly and cute of a drunk you were, unable to deny your words he let a small smile pull on his lips, “My baby huh? Still doesn’t make it easy for me.”

You wiggled against his touch, looking like a stretched out cat who’d be purring by now at the affection he showered you in, what Jungkook hadn’t expected was your legs to slot on either side of his thigh before wiggling your hips, giving a little whimper in the process, “What do you think you’re doing babydoll”  Jungkook raised an eyebrow, unable to keep the smirk off his face as he let his hands find their way to your hips.

He watched for a moment, almost mesmerized at the way your hips so fluidly rode down against his thigh even while drunk, letting out a soft moan at the friction in your clit building up, heat pooling between your thighs and the lacy panties you wore ruined by wetness, “Mmm! Feels so good daddy.”

You dragged your hips down his thigh with a soft whine, it took nearly every fiber of strength Jungkook had to lay still before groaning, the feeling of your little, messy, wet cunt spread open while riding along his thigh almost too much to bear, those pretty cheeks dusted red and those watery eyes could have him on his knees in seconds as you let out a soft whine, “Daddy, touch me.”

Before you could even beg Jungkook suddenly grabbed you, flipping you onto the bed. You body flooded in excitement at being underneath him, what you hadn’t expected though was for his crushing weight to be on top of you rather then hovering over you, “Guk!” You cried out, your body begging and burning up in need of friction, making you frantically try to rub your hips into his but his weight prevented you from doing so, the only thing you could feel was his hardened length teasingly pressed into the top of your thigh.

“You’re way too drunk for this babydoll, get some sleep.” He pressed his nose into your neck while closing his eyes, ignoring your pleas and cries as you tried to shuffle underneath him,

“B-but! I’m so wet! I need you, now!” You whined out with another hiccup, tears trickling down your face again at being unable to sate the crave your body burned for as you begged, “A-and you’re so hard Guk please, please, (hic) please! I need your cock inside me so bad daddy.”

Jungkook assumed when he got you home it would get easier, now laying in bed with you begging for his dick he realized that obviously wasn’t gonna be the case. Sighing he ignored the drunken filth you’d be mortified at on any other occasion, “Tell you what babydoll,” he lifted his head to acknowledge you, secretly hoping you’d stop because his dick was beginning to throb in pain and at this rate he’d just have to blow a load in the bathroom by himself once you fell asleep, “If you’re really that horny in the morning you can ride my cock before I even wake up, sound good?”

You stayed quiet for a moment, almost looking adorable before murmuring, “But I want it now…”

“Well too bad,” Jungkook replied, snuggling back into your neck, your perfume now competing with the smell of alcohol, “You’re just gonna have to be a good girl and wait baby.”

You had never ran into the bathroom faster in your life, your head was pounding, stomach churning in the most disgusting way, the way when you knew you were gonna throw up and it was a race against time to reach the toilet. You didn't have time to question why the hell Jungkook was in your bed when the strong waves of nausea hitting you were enough to drown in.

Your eyes were near glossed over by the time you finished throwing up, groaning as you coughed, spitting out as much of the disgusting taste as you could before brushing your teeth a good three times, tongue and all before sighing. God you felt like such shit, why did you even consider drinking? Rubbing your eyes you let out a groan before adjusting to the light fully, your lips instantly parting in horror at the bruising purple marks on your neck.

“Jungkook what the fuck!” You shouted not caring what time it was or if he was asleep. This man had hell to pay! You didn’t care what the circumstances where, you weren’t even sober enough to remember doing it! You didn’t actually care that he did it, he was your mentor and you trusted him but…! Fucking hell could he have at least waited until you were a little more sober, sober enough to at least have some memory of it.

Walking back into the room you crossed your arms with a growl as Jungkook shifted, eyes lazily opening as he yawned, “The fuck did I do?” He asked quizzically yet not actually caring, grabbing your pillow cuddling before it close, closing his eyes once more while nuzzling his nose into the material.

You would’ve thought it was a cute gesture on any other occasion had you not just seen the hickey marks on your neck, “The fuck did you do? What the hell is this?” You pointed to your neck in accusation, cheeks bright red and embarrassment washing over you, you didn’t even remember how you got home or how Jungkook got in your bed. What the hell happened?

You both were dressed, which eased your nerves but you were still on edge, Jungkook only rolled his eyes, grabbing your wrist to pull you down into bed making you yelp, both of you wrestling for a moment before Jungkook forced you beneath him, “I left for fifteen minutes and suddenly you were eight shots of whiskey into Jimin’s lap,” You groaned under his weight as he laid his head down on your chest, “You cried almost the whole way home, and then got even more pissy when I wouldn’t let you thigh ride me, any more questions?” He heard an indignant huff from you, one that was usually from embarrassment that made him smile, closing his eyes again.

“Shut up.” You muttered, shifting beneath his weight before letting out a small groan. Rubbing your forehead that pounded as you let out a small whine, not wanting to even think about what Jungkook probably had to endure, you were always embarrassing when you drank. God only knew what you did this time.

It was quiet for a moment, your head still aching and you closed your eyes but the irritation persisted before you felt the weight of Jungkook’s body lift, hands on either side of you as the familiar smirk coiled on his lips, “You still in the mood to ride me babydoll?”

“The fuck!?” You yelped, quickly squirming underneath him despite his hands still caging you into your spot, your cheeks bright red at the realization you definitely became a little too horny last night, it was both a surprise and yet not at the same time to know he had the restraint to not jump your bones last night.

Jungkook had already let his lips press down against your neck making you whine, cheekings burning in embarrassment as he spoke, “You know how hard it was to ignore you?” You let out a small breath at his hands grabbing onto your waist, squeezing tightly as he licked a strip up your neck, “You were begging for daddy’s cock last night while riding that needy little pussy over my thigh.”

“Jungkook!” You cried out with a whimper, your cheeks bright red and your head throbbing more, you had already began to rub your thighs together, heat pooling between them as he sucked gently against the skin right above your hickey.

His hands slid under your shirt, petting down the sides of your body as he huffed, “I didn’t realize you were such a horny drunk, you were all over my dick last night babygirl,” You whined in frustration, letting your head knock back against the bed as you kicked your feet, “So needy,”

Jungkook clacked his tongue, a little half smirk pulling on his lips as he cupped your heat making you jolt with a whine, hips instantly rocking into his hand, “God even hungover you still want my fingers, isn’t that right baby?” He cooed out, his fingers brushing up your dripping folds, your panties ruined as he pressed little circles into your clit, the sudden cry escaping your lips as you squeezed your legs together, “Right baby?” He teased, asking you once more.

“Y-yes!” You finally relented with a rapid nod, your body's need bigger than your dignity at the moment, “Please!” you whined with a plea, Jungkook let the pad of his finger pressed down harder against your sensitive nub in reward as he rubbed it in circles.

“What a good girl,” He cooed out making your hips buck into his hand once more with a frustrated whine, pleasure rolling through your body at the way his single finger instantly found your sweet spot, “You’re so wet baby, you’re making a mess,” He clacked with a small laugh, and he was right of course, your wetness had seeped through your panties, creating a wet spot on your sweatpants making your cheeks burn as you whined, “Does baby wanna cum?”

Your hips were rocking in sync with his fingers that prodded along your clit sending little flickers of pleasure through your body as you let out a breathy moan, your orgasm building as you nodded, “P-please! Please!”

Jungkook let his fingers speed up causing your thighs to quiver and moan to brokenly leave your lips, “You really wanna cum babydoll?” He teased, eating up your little gasps and whines, your body rocking into his hand needy for more of the friction he gave your little clit, nodding you spewed out another string of pleas, your body unable to take anymore teasing as you felt your orgasm ready to snap, “Well too bad.”

A near sob escaped your lips as Jungkook replied casually, pulling his fingers away from you as he sat up with a stretch. Kicking your feet you let out several breathes and whines as he started laughing. Opening and closing your lips a few times as disbelief glossed in your eyes making him laugh harder, “Don’t give me that pout babydoll, I’m just doing to do what you did to me last night.”

“I was drunk!” You shouted with a cry as he got up dismissing you with a wave of his hand before leaving the room, sulkily you threw yourself back down on the bed as you kicked your feet, what a rude ass! Your body was sensitive from being edged and denied, glancing at the door to make sure he hadn’t returned you dropped your hand back down your body before letting it trail to the hem of your pants.

“You better not be touching yourself in there,” Jungkook called from the kitchen making you whine as you flopped onto your stomach, he teased you relentlessly and now you couldn’t even finish yourself!? Your head ached in dull pain and you felt even more like garbage then before as you buried your head under your pillow.

Footsteps padded through the room again as Jungkook snorted, “You are such a baby, take your medicine and remember to drink some water, I doubt hangover sex is the way you want our first time to go.”

“You don’t know that.” You sulked from under your pillow, this wasn’t the first time this had happened. Being teased, aroused, then edged and denied your release only for him to casually take his leave, it wasn’t fair! He had plenty of girls to go to and all you had was him and your fingers which in comparison weren’t cutting it anymore,

Jungkook let his hand pet down your waist as he replied, “Oh but I do babygirl, I do. Anyways I have to prep for that bachelorette party at Cherry Bomb scheduled for later today so you probably won’t hear from me until tonight.”

Ah yes, apparently some rich clients threw their money together and rented out the whole damn building and hired on all the male soloists for one of the client’s bachelorette party. You only shuddered at the idea of having to work one of the few days you got off. You waved him away with a groan, making him give another laugh as he left, obviously successful in his tease attack on you. You were gonna kill that man.

You couldn’t keep the dumb smile from your face as you curled back up in bed, letting the soft fuzzy blanket rub against your warm cheeks as you stared at your phone. You thought Koo was the cutest nickname and knowing he’d tolerate you using it made you all warm and fuzzy inside.

Stretching out you turned off your phone before honing in on the show you had put on.

“You’re awfully happy,” Yeri who was sprawled out on the foot of the bed took note in your beaming expression, a lot of nights when Cherry Bomb had been booked for the boys Taehyung would often have to work the bar leaving you and Yeri alone and bored most of the night.

To cure the problem she had offered one time if you wanted to spend the night, it had become routine ever since when they were at work.

It wasn’t like you minded, in fact, you had been considerably more upbeat the last few months as Seulgi always had other friends and didn’t necessarily have time for you most days, having both Yeri and Rosé to keep you company when any of your male friends were busy left you bright and happy.

Rosé who was also bored with nothing to do that night had also stayed at your house, mainly complaining that those ‘three headed wenches’ stole Jimin from their movie night and left her with no other plans but never not in the mood to drop in to visit with you. She even gave a pout when she found out you and Yeri had been getting together with out her on your newly appointed girls night.

She was currently on the floor, feet spread out in front of her as she continued to paint her toenails, clacking her tongue she gave a knowing smile, “Koo is Y/n’s nickname for Jungkook,” she gave a sing song tone making your cheeks flush, she didn’t have to say it like that! “He said she’s the only one he’s okay with calling him it.”

Yeri gave an ‘Oh’ making your cheeks flush further as you grabbed the pillow from your side, cuddling it close as you nuzzled your nose into the soft fuzzy fur, “Shut up guys.” You whined making them both laugh. You knew what they were hinting at but didn’t want to confide anything.

It wasn’t necessarily them, but it was yourself. The main reason you had yet to jump into anything with Jungkook was simply because you wanted time, making sure you eased out of your breakup with no strings attached or any regret. Jungkook being who he was, wasn’t about to pressure you into anything, especially after you told him you just wanted time to recoup from your break up, understably, it was also the main reason he held off from any advancements on you, physically and...you supposed romantically. You swallowed at the idea, making your cheeks burn hotter.

You couldn’t help but feel a little excitement rush through you at the thought, you supposed, you had developed a little bit of a...crush on your mentor. But it was hard not too, all the petnames, cuddles and affection, he’d take you for breakfast most days and endured your delicate temperament, it would be hard to not have at least a tiny crush on him.

It was why you avoided the group chat so heavily, you didn’t like being taunted by all of his one night stands even though that was never his intention in the first place. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Jungkook had a high sex drive and to be fair you did want time on your own, no relationships or beneifcal friendships. But still. Maybe, just maybe, he liked you too?

You rubbed your cheeks as Yeri gave a hum, “When do you think they’ll get in? You said Jungkook left here around twelve right?”

“Mhm,” You shifted against the soft pillow with a nod, “He went to Cherry Bomb earlier to get everything set up, probably stopped by his apartment and got showered first though. Pretty sure it didn’t start until around three I think?”

Rosé nodded as she dipped the handle back in the nail polish bottle, “Mhm, those girls have to be wasted by now, hopefully they didn’t get any of the guys to drink too much.” You couldn’t help but let your face scrunch slightly, that had also happened before and was never a pretty sight.

Not as though you had to deal with it for very long, you had never even seen Jungkook drunk before but he was also extremely adamant about it and had simply told you he didn’t need to be wasted to have a good time. You weren’t about to complain when Jimin and Hoseok had been up on the bar attempting karaoke, shockingly enough, they were actually pretty decent.

Yeri sighed as she curled up on the bed, the poor thing obviously wishing her lover was with her as she circled patterns on the soft comforter, “I can only hope.” You gave her a tiny, sympathetic smile, you could understand in a way. On nights like these you’d prefer to be lounged out with Jungkook annoyingly eating all of your chips, though you secretly loved it, while you browsed on your laptop.

It was the little things you enjoyed the most.

“You know what,” Rosé clacked her lips, opening her phone as she gave a hum, “I'm gonna see if I can yoink some selfies from them.” You groaned, curling into your pillow you held, they often had a weekend ritual of sending borderline nsfw selfies into the chat, or sometimes they were nsfw.

Just as she finished her message your phone buzzed, curiously Yeri crawled over to you as you let go of your pillow, letting her look over your shoulder as you facepalmed.

Yeri and Rosé were wheezing as you whined, throwing your phone on the bed as you cried out with a loud whine, burying yourself in the piles of blankets. Your cheeks on fire and a whimper escaping your lips from embarrassment. God why did you ever think taking that photo was a good idea?

You had just gotten out of the shower yesterday morning when you took that photo, feeling cute and just taking it to take it without any intention of ever letting it see the light of day for someone else's eyes. Just the idea of Jungkook seeing it made your face blush wildly and your humiliation want to dive off a cliff.

“Why did you even have that on your phone if you didn’t wanna send it?” Rosé howled out, standing up as she waddled over to the bed, careful to not ruin her freshly painted toenails, “Was it for someone else?”

“No!” You cried out making them break into a whole new fit of laughter, “I-I just! I felt cute that morning!” It was the truth, you had thought maybe it would help your esteem by taking a cute panty picture but now all you felt was embarrassed. It was dumb given your friends had all seen you in even less then that before, on a daily basis. But this was different, it was private, for your eyes only.

It wasn’t a big deal, and it was your own fault but still. You wouldn’t deny the stir between your thighs at Jungkook’s messages though, obviously riled up at the ten second glance he gained from your picture. If your cheeks weren’t red before they definitely were now.

Sighing you ignored their laughs as you crawled out of bed, shuffling to the bathroom in an attempt to recompose yourself. Shutting the door you sighed, dropping your head against it before letting out a whine, note to self: delete those pictures.

At that thought your phone buzzed making you jump, not sure if Jungkook stole someones phone to text you or- Oh.... you sighed in relief at the text from your mother, they had been talking about taking a trip to visit you here in Seoul next month and honestly? You had been happy to know, you had been so buried between class and work that you rarely had time to talk to your mom anymore. Knowing they’d be visiting next month made you all giddy and excited, steering your embarrassed thoughts away from what had just happened.

Taking a moment to recollect yourself and text your mom back you took your time, getting ready to open the door when it suddenly rapped from the other side, “Y/n!”

Opening the door your heartrate spiked at Rosé’s fretting tone, confused you glanced between her wide frantic eyes and Yeri who was putting on her shoes, “What’s up?”

“Jimin just called, Namjoon took a bad fall from the stage, they’re on their way to the hospital right now.” She had already turned to put her shoes on as you quickly followed suit. A bad fall? What was that supposed to mean, did he hit his head? Was he okay? Had he overworked himself? They did have a lot of numbers for that bachelorette party. Wasting no time you put your shoes on, grabbing your cardigan and keys before heading to the car, looks like a day off just didn’t exist anymore.

It was nearly two AM and your eyes had that familiar sting of tiredness in them, it hurt to blink and the bright fluorescent lights of hospital almost made you squint. You had been curled up against the familiar side of Jungkook who had an arm around you, looking tired himself as he yawned, running a hand through his hair, “Didn’t think it would take them this long to get xrays done.”

“He’s probably giving them a hard time with how much he drank,” Jimin snorted from the other wall, Rosé long past out on his shoulder with a small snore, “We still have training tomorrow and Cherry Bomb’s a fucking mess, Seokjin is still on the phone with Sejin and hell- maybe even Bang, might get the day off but who knows.” He stretched out as much as he could without disturbing Rosé, his eyes also tired and honestly you were surprised Jimin was the sober one given how often he drank too much.

“Was Yoongi not there tonight?” You asked quietly, rubbing your eyes as you let out a yawn yourself shuffling in Jungkook’s grip as he pulled you closer, usually you’d still be fairly bright eyed at Cherry Bomb but it was different when you were in sweats and a t-shirt compared to a bodysuit with a margarita in hand.

You felt the urge to shut your eyes when Jungkook ran his hand against your arm, “No he’s visiting family in Daegu for the weekend, he won’t be back until tomorrow evening to cover regular shift. I can head back over and clean up, I doubt we’ll hear anything about Namjoon until the morning.” Jungkook stood up making a muffled whine escape your lips at the loss of heat his body served as your own personal heater, his lips quirked into a small smirk as he glanced down, “You wanna come help baby?”

Groaning you sunk into your seat, not at all appealed to the idea of spending your night, the one you where you should’ve been in the warm covers of your bed, at Cherry Bomb once again, except cleaning up a room that looked like a frat party no doubt, “Oh yeah just how I wanted to spend my day off.” You sighed as you stood up, rubbing your eyes as you bidded everyone goodnight, following behind Jungkook with another yawn.

Cherry Bomb, just as Jimin said, was a literal wreck.

Bottles scattered over the floors tables had been put up and chairs littered the main floor, glitter and holographic confetti covered the floor and splatters of white substance...presumably cum- stained the floor, god you hated bachelorette parties, “This is so disgusting.” You groaned, ignoring the white substance as you continued sweeping up the confetti.

“Hey I kept my dick in my pants the whole time, blame Seokjin for half of this.” That was the last excuse you even wanted to hear as Jungkook defended himself, “You should’ve seen it, almost three of them got in a fight to suck his dick.” Closing your eyes you inhaled sharply as he laughed at your expression, “Speaking of…”

You felt your face flush as you flashed him a warning glance, focusing down on the floor as you continued to push all of the litter into a pile, “Were those new panties? I’ve never seen you in them before.”

“Jeon Jungkook!” You snapped out turning around, stomping your foot in embarrassment, your face bright red as your free hand curled into a fist making him laugh even harder, “I don’t wear all of my underwear at work!” In any other situation and setting, you were dully aware it would’ve been a weird statement, however you were in fact, strippers and that was a perfectly valid statement, you had come to appreciate wearing pretty panties and didn’t like showing all of the ones you owned off where you worked.

“Oh so you won’t mind showcasing those for me privately then?” Jungkook raised his brows, his smile cheeky as he leaned back on his feet making the scowl twist further on your face, he really did get on your nerves some days...“What’s with that look babydoll? Am I not allowed to be curious?”

Stomping your foot once more your lips quivered into a pout as you angrily swept the floor, “You aren’t curious, you’re shameless!” He really was and the fact that he knew it, even proudly flaunted it made you all the more embarrassed and angry.

Jungkook exasperatedly clacked his tongue as he propped himself up to sit on the edge of the stage, “Me shameless? You were the one that sent your cute little ass into a groupchat- who was it for?” You furrowed your brows at the sudden edge in his voice.

“What?” You turned around at his words, not expecting the abrupt question nor the slight change in his tone, leaning against the broom as Jungkook curved a brow, mildly annoyed as if he didn’t like having to go in more detail, “Who was it supposed to be for if you didn’t mean to send it into the chat?”

Your lips quivered into an even bigger pout, cheeks flushing as you turned back to the path you had created, flustered at just the idea of ever sending something like that to someone, “No one Jungkook. I just thought I looked cute yesterday morning, it wasn’t meant for anyone.” You weren’t sure if you were embarrassed at his question or your own answer. You didn’t have any booty calls like the rest of your friends and you weren’t sure if you even wanted any.

Leaning back against his hands Jungkook hummed, shoulders relaxing as he replied, “Feel free to send them to me babygirl, I’ll put them to good use.” Your nose wrinkled at his purred words, cheeks burning as your refused to glance at him.

“Jungkook,” he hummed as you finally turned around, unable to hide his grin at your quivering lips, big puppy eyes and red cheeks as you murmured, “Please shut the fuck up.”

~~~~~

You felt oddly well rested, taking in a big breath before nuzzling in closer to the mass of heat, legs tangled together and you loved when you woke up to your hair being played with just like today. Things felt too comfortable though.

You were well aware it was Jungkook who had accompanied you in bed, he insisted on staying the night and before you could even put up a fight he had crashed down on your bed, sprawled out with a sleepy smirk, the one he always wore when he was tired and ready to drown you in a warm cuddle you just couldn’t say no too.

Letting out a soft breath you shifted in his grip as you yawned, grabbing your phone before your eyes almost popped out of your head, “Jungkook it’s almost 9!” You were two hours late to practice and he just let you guys sleep in!? You had barely shot up before you were forcibly pulled back down, standing no match for the muscle pig that pulled you back against him, “Calm down baby, we got in late last night,” His voice was a note deeper and raspier against your ear setting an uncomfortable warmth between your thighs, “I figured you’d be happy to sleep in.”

“We didn’t get in any later then we usually do!” You huffed as you struggled to get out of his grip, Jungkook held you firmly though, not even looking affected by your efforts as he kept his eyes closed. In admist your struggling though you paused when he let out a small moan, “Fuck… would you stop that?”

That's when you felt the prominent hard line of his boner pressed snuggly against your ass making you let out a whine, trying to keep your thighs from rubbing together at the feeling as you whined, “Let me go! We need to go get ready for practice.”

“Five more minutes,” Jungkook replied, burying his face in your neck, “God I didn’t realize how much you enjoyed practice for as much as you complain.” You jumped at the feeling of his hips slowly grinding into yours.

You tensed as you bit your lip, arousal flooding your body as it stuck uncomfortably to your panties, “Stop rubbing your boner against me.” You huffed flusteredly, suddenly letting out a whine at his hips thrusting into yours, his deep sleepy moan in your ear.

Jungkook only wrapped his arms around you further, hands playing with the band of your sweat pants as he let his lips drag against your ear, “Take off your sweats.” You had already been turned on before, but hearing him command those words, sounding half asleep and that raspy tone working your body all on it’s own had made you quickly push them down, “Mmm good girl.” He inhaled against your neck as you whined, your panties embarrassingly wet as they clung to your folds, body unable to keep still as your ass nudged against his cock that throbbed in his own sweats, “Now take off your shirt.”

You let out a shaky breath, your cheeks on fire as you quickly obeyed, his arms letting go of you briefly as you pulled the material over your head, your tired gaze on the floor as the fabric of your comforter brushed against the skin of your breasts, “Ah fuck, such a good girl.” Jungkook praised, his eyes still shut as his hands roamed over your body, “Are you gonna be good for daddy?”

Your body burned with need as you whimpered a yes, his cock rubbed against the cheeks of your ass, You could feel Jungkook’s smirk on your skin before pulling you on top of him, “Then show daddy what a good girl you are and ride his thigh.”

You were straddled against his stomach, cheeks bright red as your nipples hardened, arousal soaking your panties as he cracked his eyes open, drinking up the sight before him as he let out a breathy laugh, “You’re already soaked babydoll. Look at those wet panties, such a messy baby.” He clacked his tongue as you dropped your chin down, staring at his chest as his hands squeezed against your sides, “They have to be uncomfortable against that pretty pussy, you wanna take them off?”

You didn’t think it was possibly to become anymore aroused, shaking your head he let out a laugh, grabbing your hips as he forced you into action, pulling between his thigh as he let out a soft moan, “Such a pretty baby, go on, make a big mess over daddy’s thigh I wanna see my baby cum.”

Letting out a breathy moan you placed your hands against his stomach, feeling it’s chiseled muscles tense beneath your fingers as you testingly rubbed your hips down his thighs, a sudden whimper escaping your lips at the feeling of your clit rubbing into his thigh, Jungkook ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, “Fuck you look so hot, such a needy baby, your cunts practically dripping.”

His filth instantly made your hips buck, any reservations you previously had gone as you harshly pressed your hips into his thigh, your clit rubbing in delicious friction between your panties and his sweats, a big wet spot quickly growing as you whimpered, “F-fuck- Daddy…!” You felt dirty for whimpering those words but your body only grew hotter as your orgasm quickly approached.

You nearly choked on your own spit when Jungkook’s hand came into sight, hand palming his hard, aching cock in his sweats as you whimpered, “What baby?” Jungkook let out a sadistic smile, “Want daddy’s cock?”

He watched your hips buck into his thigh faster, another high pitched moan escaping your lips as you nodded. Your lips parted as he pushed his sweats down just enough to release his swollen cock, it was so big his shaft was thick with a protruding vein, slightly curved and his bulbous head beaded with precum and was such a pretty shade of red.

You jumped out of your skin at the feeling of Jungkook’s hand entering your panties, nearly moaning as he palmed your clit, a cry escaping your throat as you whimpered, “Please daddy! I’ll be a good girl, please!”

Your juices messily spilled all over his hand, your hips pressing harsher into his palm to rub further against your needy clit as you leaned forward, tits bouncing and hair slanting view of your face as you whined, desperate for his cock to fill your aching body.

“Fuck thats hot.” Jungkook muttered, eyes fixated on your hips fluidly pleasuring yourself against him, you let out a loud whine as his fingers dragged up your soaked slit, teasing past your clit as you nearly cried out, “P-please! Fuck please!”

Instead of rubbing your clit like you had hoped he only used your arousal for his cock, grabbing it as he began to squeeze against his base, “You have to earn daddy’s cock, make me cum without doing anything and I’ll consider it for next time.”

Your eyes glossed at his words, ready to cry despite your hips rubbing for more friction, unable to take your eyes off his swollen cock that he held in his hand, pumping it at an eased paced that made you clench around nothing but the thought of his fat cock filling you up, “You said you were daddy’s good girl right?”

You threw your head down at his words, you thighs squeezing against his with a whine, Jungkook managed a breathy chuckle as he hummed, “Oh so you like being a good girl?” You let out a whine, your cheeks on fire as your orgasm began to build, “You like being told how much of a good girl you are for me, how well you ride daddy’s thigh? You gonna be a good baby and cum for daddy?”

His words were almost too much to bear, your hips beginning to stutter as pleasure began to bloom throughout your whole body, “F-fuck! I-I wanna be daddy’s good girl! I wanna make daddy’s cock feel so good, wanna be stuffed full and fucked until my pussy is dripping.” The words fumbled from your lips as your pace became more messy, pleasure suddenly twisting and snapping in your body as you cried out, “Mmm! Fuck me daddy! Please! Please! I need your cock so bad I want it splitting my pussy open and stuffing me full, please!”

You couldn’t keep the filth from pouring out of your mouth as you breathed heavily, crying out at the orgasm that snapped throughout your body, whimpering at the sharp twist of pleasure filtering through your body as you shakily held onto his stomach, barely registering Jungkook’s breathy moans, “Be a good little cockslut and stay still,” He suddenly growled making you whimper, obediently forcing your trembling body to lie still as he quickly pumped his shaft, his tip aiming at you, licking your quivering lips at his daunting bulbous tip aimed directly at you as you whimpered, “Pl-please just let me suck it, I’ll be daddy’s good girl and-and take it,”

Jungkook squeezed against his shaft, another moan escaping his mouth as he tucked his tongue into his cheek, dominance rolling off him in waves at the sight of you trying to keep still against his thigh, panties completely soaked with those pretty tits on display, it was your face that got him the most though, the way your cheeks burned bright red and your pupils blown out and eyes doe like, “I said: No, you fucking cockslut,”

You let out a quiet whine, eyes dropping back down submissively to his throbbing cock that he held with a tight grip, his palm roughly squeezing his head as he growled, “You haven’t earn the right to suck daddy’s cock. Now be a good girl and keep riding my thigh.”

“B-but...” Your body was so hypersensitive already your hips were trembling at just the idea, Jungkook used his free hand to suddenly strike your thigh making you give a loud yelp as he snarled, “Ride my thigh you slut, don’t make me repeat myself.” He bounced his thigh up to your aching core, making sure to hit your clit as you whimpered a moan, “If you can take daddy’s cock you can take daddy’s thigh.”

Letting out a shaky whine you obediently let your hips drag back down his thigh with a whimpered moan escaping your lips, “D-daddy it hurts.” Despite the oversensitivity your hips were quickly bucking further into his thigh, your clit throbbing in pain and pleasure as the need for his skin to be in contact with your clit burned in you harsher.

You cried out at his hand slapping over your thigh once more as he growled, “Then why are you still going huh? Don’t pretend like you don’t like using daddy’s thigh you slut,” His degradation was making your folds practically drip but you couldn’t feel an ounce of shame as you moaned, “Look at you getting off on daddy’s thigh while begging like a little whore for his cock, are you daddy’s little whore?”

You whimpered, nails dragging down his abdominal, having never been spoken to with so much degradation yet your body was begging for more as your face burned brighter, “I-I love being daddy’s whore, pl-please daddy,” You tugged at the band of his sweatpants that had been pulled past his hips.

Jungkook let the wide smirk pull on his lips, “Such an obedient baby, you wanna ride the skin of my thigh don’t you baby? Pull them down further.” You nearly jumped for joy at his permission as you quickly shifted to pull his sweats to his knees. What Jungkook hadn’t expected was you to pull your panties to the side before quickly lowering down to the warm skin of his thigh, letting out a long shaky moan in relief.

Jungkook nearly lost it in that moment, forcing his hand to stop to keep himself from cumming at the feeling of your dripping wet cunt split and dragging over his open thigh, now wet and messy covered in your juices, “Look at my needy baby,” He cooed out, voice finally relaxing as he let his throbbing cock rest on his stomach, “Such a good girl,” you let out a shaky moan, hips stuttering as you pressed your clit down against his warm skin, dragging it down his thigh as your slick arousal glistened against his tan skin, “Does babygirl need my fingers?”

He let out a breathy chuckle as you whimpered, “P-please daddy! I’ve - I've been so good!” hips quickly bucking into his thigh as he let his hand slide down making you whimper as he let his pads drag in little circles over your clit, “Mmm! F-fuck it-it hurts daddy.” Your lips quivered with a moan.

Jungkook only grabbed his cock with his free hand, pumping it with ease as he let out a breathy moan, “If you’re daddy’s good girl then cum again, be a greedy little cumslut for daddy and make a big mess over his thigh.” You let out a high pitched moan as his fingers dragged over your swollen little nub, finding it’s sweet spot as he pressed down into it, quickly letting his fingers pace pick up as he rubbed into it.

“Go on babygirl, cum on daddy's thigh, are you gonna be a good girl and hold still to take my cum?” He let a haughty smirk pull on his lips as you cried out, rapidly bucking into his hips as your thighs squeezed against his, your second orgasm nearly taking all of the energy out of you, every little touch of his thigh on your clit had you whining and whimpering as you tried to stay still, “Y-yes...I’m daddy’s good girl…”

Jungkook finally relaxed, letting out a deep, raspy moan as his orgasm finally broke inside him from your words, pleasuring streaming through his veins as the spurts of cum shot out covering your body in the pretty white substance, and you were such a good girl, staying still as he covered you in his cum. Jungkook pumped every last drop out, making sure it all splattered against you as you let out a soft whine.

Flecks of white covering those pretty red cheeks as your body trembled gently, your breaths shallow and refusing to meet his, “Mmm such a good girl,” You jumped a little at his hand that placed on your cheek softly, thumbing the cum away from your cheekbone, “Not bad for a little masturbation play. Come let me get something to clean you up with.”

Jungkook sat up, intending to go to the bathroom but paused at the sound of your soft whimper, wrapping your arms tightly around him as you buried into his nose, a little sniffle escaping you as you let out a small whine, “No! Please don’t go.”

“Baby I’m not going anywhere-” You let out a soft sob, legs wrapping around his waist, afraid he’d leave you just like he did all of his other one night stands even though the rational side of you knew that wasn’t the case, fear had took over as you held onto him as if he’d disappear.

Jungkook let out a soft hush as he wrapped his arms around you, “Shhh, I’m not going to leave babygirl.” He shifted to lay back down, letting you rest on his chest as you gently sobbed into his shoulder, little tears trickling down your cheeks at the idea as you held onto him tightly, “You were such a good girl for daddy, was I too rough?”

He sounded a little worried, Jungkook had experienced a lot of different reactions from both subs and littles after sex but to have one crying afterwards was not something he ever thought he’d experience and he definitely wasn’t sure if it was a good thing. You only let out a small sob as you shook your head, tightening your grip on him as you buried your nose into his neck.

Jungkook only soothed you, rubbing your back gently as he pressed small kisses into your kiss, “Shh, I’m not going anywhere babygirl. What’s wrong?” You only sniffled further, rapidly shaking your head as you nuzzled further against him. Letting out a soft sigh Jungkook pressed another kiss into your skin, soothingly rubbing the bright red mark on your thigh from his hand, his free hand tangling in your hair to stroke it as he held you close.

Eventually you came down from your high of sex, body no longer trembling and your cheeks still stained from tears yet all you felt was embarrassment, you had never had such an episode of fright after sex let alone one that would push you into tears, “We’re late…” You finally rasped weakly, and much to your surprise Jungkook snorted a laugh.

Hesitantly you propped yourself up on his chest, cheeks beginning to flush as he looked up at you, both amusement and haughtiness on his expression, hands gently rubbing against your back as he asked, “I’m sorry but you just bawled your eyes out for twenty minutes, and that’s your first concern after? Are you okay baby?” Your lips quivered into a pout as the concern that drew in his eyes, “Was the degradation too much? I should’ve probably asked first, some girls get extremely turned off by that- or was it the spanking-”

“Jungkook,” You cut him off, rubbing the sticky cum from your cheeks as you shyly shifted off of him, curling your knees up to your chest, “I’m fine, if I didn’t like anything I would’ve told you, I just...I don’t know why I cried okay? I just....” your cheeks burned heavily as your lips trembled once more, “I don't know!”

Jungkook gave a soft laugh, sitting up as he tucked his members back into the confines of his boxers before fixing his sweatpants, “Alright baby, no need to be so defensive, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt you. Unless you’re just upset I didn’t actually fuck you? If that’s the case then just give me ten minutes I-”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” He laughed even louder as you pressed your hands into your ears with a whine, standing up as you waddled to the bathroom, to get a washcloth, “Like I said, we’re late!”

Jungkook groaned as he stretched out, following you inside the bathroom before casually shrugging, “Oh yeah forgot to mention practice got cancelled today,”

“What!?” You hissed out, whipping around to glare at him, he couldn’t have told you that before he whipped his dick out!? You glowered sulkily, making him laugh as he ruffled your hair making you stomp your foot, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jungkook began fiddling with the knobs of the shower, brows pressing together a little in confusion as he tested the water with his hand, “Well you didn’t give me a chance babygirl, y’know if you just said fuck off when I told you to take off your sweats I probably would’ve told you then.”

Your lips tugged into an angry pout as you glared at his broad, muscular back that was revealed as he pulled the shirt over his head, your mouth suddenly gaping as your cheeks flared, “What…! What do you think you’re doing!?”

Jungkook ran a hand through his hair, glancing over his shoulder as he let the half smirk curl on his lips, “Showering?” if he had told you to get on your knees that very second, without a doubt, you would’ve did as told. The idea made your own knees weak as he ran his hand under the water once more, “You practically covered me in cum, kinda gross to be honest.”

You gaped like a fish before stomping your foot making him laugh as you pointed an accusing finger at him, “You…! You were the one who covered me in cum!”

You couldn’t even hold your ground though as Jungkook strode towards you, suddenly hauling you up by the thighs as he set you on the bathroom counter, “Oh hush you were the one who was practically begging to suck my dick. On god, I’ve never seen a girl look so happy to be covered in cum,” you whined for him to stop, feeling your cheeks flush at the chaste kiss he pecked on your neck, grabbing at the band of your panties before pulling them off in one swift motion.

Embarrassed you squeezed your thighs together, still hypersensitive and cautious making him pat the side of your thigh, “You’re so adorable,” your lips pulled into a big angry pout once more at his finger that bopped your nose, his eyes crinkled slightly with a smile, “Now come on let’s get showered, Namjoon wanted to talk to you at the hospital, it’s pretty important.”

You furrowed your brows at his words, tilting your head before nodding, hopping off the counter as you waddled into the shower, ignoring the arousal that slid down your thighs. Not before complaining about how hot the water was, “What’s it about?”

“Ah…” Jungkook gave a hum, pulling off the rest of his clothes before he shrugged, “It’d be easier to just let him do the talking,” He stepped into the shower with you, being in such close proximity of him made you slightly sheepish as you curled against yourself.

Feeling arms wrap around your waist you let out a soft whine as Jungkook nudged his nose into the crook of your neck, “Hush, I see you nearly naked every day. Now let me take care of my baby.” your cheeks had to be rosey at his words but you weren’t about to stop him when his fingers massaged into your scalp. Exhaling softly you finally leaned into his touch as your muscles relaxed, you had to admit, this was nice.

~~~~~

“What?” You were sure if you had even heard Namjoon right, everyone sat around in chairs, he looked definitely hungover and in an itchy looking hospital gown, hair ruffled and his foot wrapped in a splint. He had definitely seen better days and in light of the situation you could tell no one was going to let him live this down.

Namjoon couldn’t help but give a soft laugh at your shock expression as he explained, “I have a hairline fracture in my ankle, Doc said it might take up to 8 weeks to heal and given how much I’m scheduled at Cherry Bomb for this and next week, we really can’t afford to have gaps in the shows,”

“And trying to throw a shit ton of choreography at the girls would be a nightmare,” Jungkook chimed in, arm loosely draped around your shoulders, “Not to mention taxing for us.”

You could understand where they were coming from but still couldn’t quite believe the situation, almost surreal and any other girls dream come true. Or strippers dream come true.

Namjoon nodded in agreement with him as he directed his gaze back at you, “It’s up to you of course, but I think you’re ready. And it’s only temporary, just for the next few weeks so we have time to get the girls put on for extra dances.”

You nibbled on your lip, fidgeting with your fingers as you frowned, “Are you sure you don’t want someone else to do it?” This was a big leap from just being a trainee and you knew for a fact, there was a lot of other girls who’d probably do a better job than you, not to mention you’d be given shit from absolutely everyone within the next few weeks if you took this on.

Namjoon only smiled encouragingly, “No I’m pretty sure I want you to take my place Y/n, you’ll do just fine. Beside’s like I said, it’s only temporary and it’ll be good experience under your belt.”

The moment felt so surreal to hear, Namjoon really thought you’d be able to pull it off as a temporary soloist, swallowing thickly you finally gave a bashful smile, “Well, it's not like I can really say no, where do I begin?”

Letting his hand drop to your waist Jungkook gave it a squeeze as he gave you a confident smile, “You’ll wanna find some music first, soloist’s choose their costumes, choreography and music so you have your work cut out for you baby, if you need any help you know I’ll be there. Better get to work.”

~~~~~~

Note: Whew boy, tumblr headass was about to die with how much I shoved into this chapter, nearly spazzed at all of the images too LMAO. Anyways sorry for such a long wait loves I hope it was worth it! I’m extremely excited for next chapter!! Things get....interesting :)

Taglist: @loveherpersona @megladon1616 @pearlneedstosleep @sincerelyjeohn @jungkookies-golden-noona @ironically-indifferent96 @epiphany-playingwithfire @maboiisuga @kookphoria91 @taehyungiev13 @134340ismybitch @appreciatethefoolishness @hanhannguyen98 @lurkerarmy @lovelyjikook @repeating-seesaw-game​ @serendipity-secrets​ @kimvantaee​ @forevermoremagcon @timestandstillalittle​ @yanmi1​ @expensive-bangtan-girl​ @blxckeffect​ @egyptianwitchbutwithab @kimcheeeee​ @rather-not-sayy​ @pastel-i-decay​ @taeass​ @caitlinmarieeblossom​ @bokuandcoconutsarelife @desires-ss @jishookedout134​ @369girlswannadrinkwine @flowingwiththewater @w-ing-ss​ @rjsmochii​ @lovethatforme97 @bunnyboyenthusiast​ @adelina1299​ @rainbow-zebra-unicorns​ @namjoonies-dimple @rubydotexe​ @keyaqua123​ @kai1697jeon​ @mochibabycakes​ @min-chimchim03​

(Let me know if you’d like to be added! We still have a few spots left!)

[mistymark]

VIGILANTE/S V

part five // 4.0k words // superpowered!au // (sort of) gang!au // series masterlist

summary; in which you consider yourself somewhat of a vigilante.

warnings; swearing, mentions of death, weapons and killing, gang shit really

notes; this is just a filler bc the whole thing ended up being way too long but !! hope u like anyway <33

One week into living in the warehouse, you’ve got your own routine. You know what times to avoid the bathrooms, you know not to eat Chenle’s cereal – a tip from Donghyuck, who informed you that Chenle once set him on fire for doing just that – you know that Jaemin is the only one who cooks breakfast, and most of the meals eaten in the warehouse are from local takeout stores with shifty delivery guys. You know that 15 pizzas are ordered for one meal – because Jaemin eats at least 5 of them.

“My metabolism is crazy,” he explains to you on your third day there. “I’ll be hungry again in, like, 2 hours.” Mark had laughed and said that was normal for anyone here.

Donghyuck had whispered to you, “Jaemin carries around jellybeans all the time for his blood sugar. If you want to piss him off, call him Jelly Baby.”

You know that every time Jaemin is given an assignment, he brings a girl back to the warehouse, something you’d discovered when you saw Jeno sleeping on the couch in the main room the next day. You know the boy named Renjun doesn’t train, and hardly leaves his room. You know that Donghyuck sometimes snores in his sleep, now that you’re sharing his room, which actually hasn’t been so bad.

Jaehyun had you move in together the day after you met him, and he’d been really nice about it, moving half of his clothes from his wardrobe so you had space, and boxing up most of his stuff to allow more space for your things. He’d even offered to take down his sketches and drawings so you had some wall space. It was a sweet gesture, but you found his posters interesting, so you told him to keep them up.

Doyoung had gone with you to empty out your apartment – not that it had much in it – and convince your landlord to break your lease. “Your landlord has a very weak mind,” he’d said in a monotonous tone, when he was carrying a box to his car, a flashy black thing that certainly did not belong in your neighbourhood at all. The dilapidated, crumbling buildings surrounding you were brown and dirty, the streets grey and filled with potholes, the people who inhabited the area looking just as worn. Doyoung, on the other hand, was clean and sharp, wearing fitted black jeans and a clean white tee. His shoes were almost as shiny as his car, which made you feel slightly self-conscious when you noticed how much he stood out here.

“He’s pretty much given up on life,” you’d agreed, which earned you a smirk from him. It was true, your landlord was a chubby, pot-bellied man who wore nothing but baggy, ill-fitting jeans and old t-shirts with various food stains on them. You’ve never seen him leave the building, and you often wonder if he knows what a shithole the place is.

“I can’t believe you actually lived here,” he looked up at the building, at the brickwork that was being held together by mould rather than concrete, at the wooden window frames that were rotten and splitting apart, at a window that was recently broken, now being blocked by a curtain taped across the panel – at the place you once called home.

Well, not necessarily. It hadn’t felt like home since your dad had died, if you were being truthful.

“You live in a warehouse with criminals,” you reminded him.

“We live in a warehouse with criminals,” he cracked a smile at you, taking the box from your hands and placing it in the boot of his car.

“At least my roommate only kills himself,” you mumbled on the drive back.

“Donghyuck wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Doyoung laughed. “He’d probably kill himself if a fly started a fight with him, just so he wouldn’t have to fight it and win.”

You watched the buildings go by – Doyoung drove slower than the elderly, you were sure – and all the industrial warehouses with cute, bright signs advertising children’s toys and courier services, wondering how many of them were a front for another operation, like Jaehyun’s. “Do you think Donghyuck can die? For real?”

Doyoung was silent for a moment, then, slowly, he said, “We have our speculations. We can’t know for sure, though. And none of us really want to.” You gave a small smile to him, though he was too focused on the road ahead to see it. When you’d first come to the warehouse, you were sure no one liked him, since no one seemed devastated by the fact that he was dead. Now, you knew he was family to them.

“You have a cassette player?” Donghyuck was supposed to be helping you unload your stuff into your now shared room, but he was mostly just being nosy, going through your boxes and not actually putting anything away.

“Uh, yeah,” you throw a glance over your shoulder, seeing Donghyuck sitting on his bed, rifling through one of your boxes. “It was my dad’s.”

He nods, gently putting it on the bed. He doesn’t ask any questions about it, or your family, which you’re grateful for, but it makes you think he doesn’t have any family of his own.

You know Donghyuck is the most open out of all of the team, but you also know not to ask any personal questions.

You know a lot of things after living in the warehouse for a week. You know that Jaehyun drinks tea in the mornings and coffee at night, that Doyoung cannot access Chenle’s mind. You know that Donghyuck is definitely not a morning person, and that he exclusively wears black, as if he’s always ready for a funeral. Maybe that’s exactly the reason; some kind of sick joke surrounding his immortality.

Most importantly, you now know how to survive Johnny’s training sessions. You’ve trained with most of the team, mostly the Shields – Jeno, Jaemin, Mark and Chenle – as their powers manifest physically, and are easier to control, but Johnny has also been helping you use his ability. “You’re smaller and weaker than the rest of the team, and most Shields in general,” he’d said, eyes roaming your body. It was the first time anyone’s ever looked at you like that without making you feel objectified. “If I’m around, my ability may be the difference in whether you win or lose a fight. Try again, and focus on me.” As if you already weren’t.

He’d hunkered down and gestured for you to begin. With the other members around, you could take Johnny down in less than a minute now. Alone, it took you upwards of 10 minutes.

The day you officially move into the warehouse, you’re exempt from training with the Shields, but Donghyuck takes the opportunity to teach you gunmanship.

“I’ve used a gun before, you know,” you say, but after 10 shots you still haven’t managed to hit the target. The firing range isn’t small, located in the basement of the warehouse, which you didn’t even know existed, but you should have been able to at least hit the target once.

He laughs, picks up the gun and nails the target’s centre 5 times in a row, “So have I. Do you want to be able to actually hit your target, though?” The hole in the centre of the target looks about twice the width of the bullet, made from the bullets hitting basically in the same spot each time.

He puts a hand on your shoulder, adjusting the position of your shoulders, then places one on your lower back, adjusting your posture. You’re stiff, and you know it. He clears his throat and steps back, “Go.”

You brace yourself and shoot, the bullet going straight through the target’s stomach.

“Not too bad,” he nods in approval, holding his hand out for the gun and easily changing the clip in three quick motions. He offers the gun back to you, “Again.”

“You sound like Johnny,” you say when you take it from him. You deepen your voice as low as possible to mimic your trainer and the short, efficient way he speaks, “Again. Stop. Go. Try again. Up.”

Donghyuck lets out a loud laugh that immediately brings a smile to your face. “That was amazing.” He sits down and leans back, a hand pressed against his stomach as he laughs, mimicking your imitation. You join him on the floor, resting your back against the wall and leaning over to grab the bag of potato chips he’d brought down with you. “Have you ever shot someone?”

He reaches over and steals a few chips, as if it was the most normal question in the world. But, there’s a slight shake in his voice when he speaks, “Shot? Yes. Killed? No.”

“Who?” He shoots you a sideways glance and you lower your head, “Sorry.” No personal questions.

The heavy stench of awkward silence settles over you. He breaks it, “Johnny.”

You don’t know what to say except, “Shit.”

“Yeah,” he swallows thickly. “It was an accident. Obviously.”

You’re about to ask what happened when you’re interrupted by someone coming down the stairs. Neither of you had bothered to shut the door to the firing range, giving anyone going up or down the stairs a full view of what you were doing. Jaehyun stops when he sees you both, sitting on the floor of the firing range, sharing a bag of potato chips. He doesn’t look at you, focusing on Donghyuck. He clears his throat, “Are you training, Hyuck?”

Donghyuck’s eyes are wide and innocent when he answers, “Teaching Y/n how to shoot.”

Jaehyun’s eyes move from the two of you to the target and back again, but he doesn’t say anything about the lack of holes in it. “Johnny’s ordering Chinese – if you want anything, let him know. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

He continues and you turn to Donghyuck, “Where’s he going?”

“Garage,” Donghyuck says, through a handful of chips. “Do you want the rest of these?” He offers the bag to you. You shake your head.

“What else is down here?”

“Weapons vault, garage, the range,” he answers distractedly, too focused on getting the last of the flavouring from the bag. “The gym…” his voice trails off.

When he’s satisfied that the bag is indeed empty, he stands up, offering his hand out to you to pull you up, “Jaemin takes ten minutes to pick what he wants to eat, so if you have a preference, we should probably tell Johnny now.”

You take his hand and let him pull you up, reaching for the gun that lays on the ground, “Where-?”

“I’ll take it,” he takes it, quickly turning the safety on and reaches around to his back, tucking the weapon into the back of his black jeans.

Your second day of training was with Chenle, in the gym, which looked more like the inside of an asylum than anything. Everything was clean and a pale, almost-white shade of grey, and the entire ceiling was a cloudy glass panel that illuminated the room, giving the room a bright and energetic yet sterile feel. The equipment was state-of-the-art, a dark contrast to the overall lightness to the room, and floor to ceiling mirrors took up two of the walls. There was a stack of clean towels in the corner, and a few televisions across the room, visible from each machine. A smaller version of the Super fight ring was situated at one end of the long room. Yet, the thing that shocked you the most was the bright blue flooring, an odd design choice.

Chenle was the least helpful out of the Shields in the team, watching you train with his ability, critiquing your control and your movements with a stern eye. “Wrong. Try again. Make it hotter this time, or you’ll do no damage.” As if to gloat, he held a hand up, and a dangerous blue flame engulfed it. Your own flame, a measly bright orange, wavered.

The entire time you’d trained with him, he’d done nothing but glare and criticise you. You were sure he hated you, or maybe it was just the fact that he wasn’t the only one who had his ability anymore.

Yet, as he was leaving to eat, he’d nodded in approval at you, “Good. We’ll train together again soon, I’m sure.” It was the most he’d said to you. Actually, if you added up everything he has said to you, it would still be less words than were in that sentence.

Basically, he hadn’t spoken to you much all week.

Jaemin, however, was the opposite, and the person you’d trained with the day after Chenle. If anything, he was too kind and too understanding - he barely helped you.

“It’s okay if you can’t run as fast as me, yet,” he’d assured you with a smile, his hands on your shoulders. His smile was wide and encouraging, his eyes kind, and you instinctively knew he was a heartbreaker. No one with a smile like that has ever been heartbroken, you’d thought. His flirtatious manner was also a dead giveaway.

Your suspicions were only confirmed when he’d been sent on an assignment at the Den, and entered the kitchen the day after looking a little too happy. A girl had snuck out a few minutes later, looking only slightly embarrassed as she tried to pull her shoes on and find the exit at the same time. Jaemin had just stood in the kitchen and smiled at her as he ate his toast, not even bothering to show her out.

“You’ll have to eat a lot tonight,” he informed you at the end of your training. “And make sure you don’t have any training tomorrow morning, because you’ll be out for a while since this is your first time testing your stamina with my ability.”

He was right; you were exhausted after only two hours with him. When you’d told him just that, his smile widened and he winked at you. You laughed and shook your head at him, throwing your towel at him, “I’m going to shower.” He opened his mouth but you shot him a stern look, “Do not ask to join me.”

His easy-going smile remained on his face as he shrugged nonchalantly, “Worth a shot.” He bent down to pick up his drink bottle and began tidying up the gym as you left.

The person that surprised you the most was Jeno. His ability was easy enough to control, since you could control when you wanted the super strength, but he was happy to train you in preparation for your own training with Johnny.

“I guess it’s easy if you can control when you want to use someone’s ability, since your emotions don’t get in the way,” he’d said, as he wound his fist up with tape and gauze. “But if we’re not around, you need to be able to defend yourself with just your, uh, body.”

You nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Keep a clear head and be logical. Johnny is the only one that can see what you’re about to do, so unless you’re fighting him, think about what you’re doing.” The intense look is back in his eyes when he looks up from his wrapped hands, checking to see if you’re listening, as you haven’t said anything. You can easily see why the others would hate fighting him – he’s smart and he’s dangerous. “If you don’t think, you’ll… you’ll get hurt.” Something in his voice has changed, but it’s gone when he speaks again, “You’re no use if you’re dead.” You quirk an eyebrow at him and he juts his chin up at you, “Hold out your hand.”

You do as he says and he steps forward and begins wrapping your hand delicately. It’s far neater than you’d expected.

“Were you a boxer?”

He lets out a humourless laugh, “No. I’ve just been in a fair few fights.” You try not to react, but he can see what you’re thinking when he looks up. “Relax, most of them walked away just fine.”

“Most?” He doesn’t respond, and you take the hint that he does not want to talk about it.

He’s actually quite a good trainer, you discover, and teaches you the strongest ways to take someone down. He’s less talkative than Jaemin, but his instructions are clear and easy to follow, and at the end of your session, you’re able to do basic sparring with him.

“It’s 6,” he says, looking up at the wall of the gym. Without even a goodbye, he grabs his drink bottle and gym bag, lightly jogging up the steps to head to his room.

That night, you ate dinner with Mark and Jaemin. Well, you ate while they played video games. Jaemin shared a room with Jeno, but you hadn’t seen him since your training session. Empty pizza boxes were stacked by the door, and you counted at least 5. Your own box was sitting beside you on Jeno’s bed, while Jaemin and Mark sat side by side on Jaemin’s bed, their eyes glued to the TV screen that hung on one wall. Their room was a lot more… normal than you’d expected. Donghyuck’s was a giveaway that he was a Super – or a psychopath, either worked – with the blood and the diagrams and the journals and the weapons stacked in boxes around the room.

Jeno and Jaemin’s room was fitted out with their beds, desks, wardrobes, bean bag chairs, an old gaming console and a flatscreen TV. A few movie posters and celebrities were on the wall, and old photos. Only Jaemin had photos, and even so, there were only a few taped to the wall above his bed’s headboard. You couldn’t make out any details from where you were sitting.

Mark’s reflexes were no match for Jaemin’s, and he lost almost every round, making you wonder why he still agreed to play.

“Hey, should I save some of this for Jeno?” You asked, staring at the pizza still remaining in the box. There were only three left, and part of you wondered if it would even be enough. The other part of you thought it would at least be polite to offer.

“Nah, he won’t be back til tomorrow,” Jaemin doesn’t even turn around in his seat, his eyes frantically following his character as it moves across the screen.

“Huh. Okay,” you pick up another slice just as the game ends and Jaemin turns to throw another wide grin at you.

“That means my room’s free for the night, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He laughs at the look of exasperation on your face.

When his attention is away from you again, you say, “Jaehyun sure keeps you guys busy.” There’s only a little bit of bitterness in your voice; you’d been with the team for four days and the only time you’d left was to sort out your apartment. Apparently, you weren’t ready for any assignments yet.

“Huh? Jaehyun has him on an assignment?” Mark’s confusion gets your attention, as he turns to look at Jaemin with a furrowed brow. This was clearly unusual – or, at least, news to him.

Jaemin barely glances at you as he responds, “Nah, he’s visiting his girlfriend.”

“Jeno has a girlfriend?” You ask, only slightly shocked. It wasn’t like you’d thought about their love lives, but you’d just assumed everyone was single. It went with the job description.

“Yeah,” Jaemin nods. “She lives on the other side of the city somewhere. At one of the colleges. He normally goes after trainings on Fridays, since it’s the only night she’s not studying.”

Even without seeing your face, he can sense your surprise.

“Don’t ask him about it, though. He’s very reserved when it comes to her. Doesn’t want any of us to know much about her. I don’t even know her n-”

Mark laughs when he finally manages to kill Jaemin, and Jaemin pouts and rolls his eyes, insisting he was too focused on you to play. “You’re such a baby,” Mark laughs louder, and Jaemin swats at him. His hand moves so fast you barely even see it hit Mark’s arm. “Ow! Dude!”

“One more game, come on,” Jaemin insists, turning back to the screen. Then he raises his voice, “Anyway, Y/n, he won’t even tell us her name, let alone anything else about her. So don’t bring it up.”

“Or he’ll literally chokeslam you,” Mark adds, which, for some reason, makes them both laugh loudly.

You nod, despite the fact they can’t see you, and go back to eating your pizza, “I’ve got next game!”

Mark sighs in relief, “Gladly.” Jaemin’s competitiveness was beginning to wear him out.

The following day, Mark taught you the basics of shape shifting. He was the latest addition to the team – other than you – and his control was even worse than yours. “Shape shifting is really difficult,” he giggled, nervously. “If you’re not 100% imagining what you want to be, you’ll turn into something way different. But don’t panic, it will restrict your ability to change back.”

Over the course of the day, you’d shifted into birds, mice, elephants, leopards, any creature you could think of. Though, you had humiliated yourself when he went to get snacks during your break, greeting and talking to the large dog that came trotting down the stairs, as if it were Mark.

“What are you doing?” He’d laughed when he walked back into the gym, snacks in hand.

You’d been at a loss for words, your cheeks immediately becoming inflamed. “I- I thought that was you,” you pointed at the dog, which was panting as it sat down on the stack of towels in the corner of the room.

“That’s Bruce, Renjun’s dog,” Mark explained, tossing you a can of iced coffee. “Don’t tell Jaemin you drank his coffee.”

You paused, the opened can raised to your lips. You lowered it, slightly, “Why does Jaemin need coffee if he already operates at like 10 times the speed we do?”

“For after he crashes,” Mark shrugs. “Sometimes speed isn’t everything.” He laughs at his own joke, “If he doesn’t sleep enough, he’ll still be exhausted. Sometimes he can’t afford to sleep more than 12 hours, so he relies on coffee.” He cocks his head to the side as he examines his can.

Later, when you’re sitting on the floor after successfully shapeshifting into cockroaches, you ask, “Have you ever tried turning into other people? Can you do that?”

“Yes, but – I really have to know what the person looks like. Like, I can imagine a dog and turn into a dog because any small details that I remember incorrectly will go unnoticed by a human,” he gulps down his cola. “Humans are more complex – one small detail could make me look totally different to the person I’m trying to copy.”

“Change into me, then,” you sit up straighter. “If you can see me, surely you won’t have to rely on your memory, right?”

He shrugs and locks his eyes onto you. You’d seen him transfer from human to horse, from sheep to frog, but somehow seeing him change from himself to you was more disturbing. His skin ripples and his bones make disturbing popping noises as they change, and you wonder if it hurts, even though you had shape shifted multiple times and knew it didn’t hurt at all.

Within a few seconds, right before your eyes… is you. “Hello,” he says in your voice.

“Okay, fuck that, change back,” you tell him, looking away. “That’s so creepy. Brilliant, but creepy.”

When he laughs, it sounds like him again, and you let your eyes drift back to where was sitting. He smiles, and his eyes crinkle at the corners. His eyes, not your own.

You could have so much fun with this ability, reminding yourself to try it on Donghyuck later.

You tell Mark this as he tosses a piece of popcorn into his mouth, and you both stretch out on the gym floor, laughing at all the pranks you could easily pull on the other members of the team.

[kleroterion]

Thoughts on Long-Term Unemployment

This is not a survival guide, nor is it a comprehensive tip list for getting through long-term unemployment (or, really, any period of unemployment). It’s a series of things that I learned while job searching for almost a year after I graduated from college. A close friend was looking for almost 3 years post-graduation, and another friend close to 8 months. This is not a unique experience and you are not alone. Granted, I had it easy compared to others - a supportive family, a place to stay and be cared for while I looked for a job, and enough savings to get me by. But it was a terrible experience and I want to at least try to help someone who is going through the same thing. These musings reflect my own experience and will not necessarily apply to everyone. This is a collection of notes and thoughts, not a panacea. I know at the end of the day you will go to bed with anxiety, no matter what I say. But maybe something here will speak to someone. I want to try.

—

Phone interviews/pre-interviews are increasingly common, which gives you an opportunity to have notes in front of you and to be in a comfortable environment while you talk. Take this opportunity to really shine - you’ve got the advantage. A lot of people have phone anxiety, but think of it as a way to cater the conversation to your space: you can have information pulled up on your computer, spread out hand-written scribbles in front of you, and be dressed in comfy pajamas. Make it so that the interview is on your terms - times are typically highly negotiable because it’s just over the phone, so you can pick a time that represents your peak efficiency mode.

If you can, try to participate in something during this long stretch of time. This is something that requires a financial safety net, so it won’t work for everyone (I’m sorry). Try to find activities that you can talk about in interviews or that can build your resume (and aren’t just filler): Volunteering (Meals on Wheels, at a library, homeless shelters, anywhere or anything), helping a political campaign, learning a new skill (like InDesign) or language, or studying for an exam you know you’ll have to take (the GRE, LSAT, MCAT, etc.). Take advantage of this time if you can. Getting out of the house and socializing is really important during these hard times and working towards a goal or helping others is a way to move forward when you feel so stuck (and can put things in perspective).

Open curtains and windows. Being cloistered up with only fluorescents or lamp light isn’t super conducive to mental health (in my opinion). Air out the house. Let natural sunlight in.

People in the relevant industries should consider having an online portfolio, and that url should be placed prominently on one’s resume. WordPress is free, and employers (especially in that industry) like to see applicants with 21st-century skill sets. Demonstrate that you can navigate website-making tools while also showing off your talents. If you can, buy a domain name, but it’s not essential. WordPress has enough versatility on its own to get what you want and to let people see what you are capable of.

Yes, you will have to write cover letters. And not everyone is good at this. Because you’re going to be applying a lot, have a template that you can customize to each job. It should be something general enough to work for many outlets, but you need to make a point to make it unique to that company, and tailoring it is essential. You won’t necessarily need to write a new one from scratch each time, but make sure to let them know you’re talking to them, not just anyone. Read the job description and incorporate their needs with your skill set into the letter. Try to make your letter a narrative rather than a formulaic sheet of information that they can easily glean from your resume. What experiences make you qualified for that particular job? Why are you the best candidate, and how can you prove it? Find a way to show patterns and traits in your life that define you as a person, and tie it into your employment and experience.

Self-care is a thing for a reason. Stay hydrated. Shower. Do the dishes. Getting up in the morning can be really hard. There’s a lot of disappointment in long-term unemployment. Taking the little steps each day when you don’t want to will keep a sense of control and order in your life. A pile of dirty dishes in the sink, clutter and laundry, dirty hair: no judgment. Seriously. I understand depression. I’ve been there. I’m there. But those things, while seemingly just aesthetic, really do impact you mentally. If you can try to stay on top of those things, you might be able to get to the bigger stuff. I don’t think you’ll ever feel bad after doing any of them, and getting just a few things done tends to propel you just based off of action - an object in motion stays in motion.

Resist the temptation to sleep in. When you’re unemployed for long stretches of time, it’s so, so tempting to let yourself sleep until noon, but you have to fight that urge. Please trust me on this. When you do finally land a job, early hours won’t be as much of a shock. Also, waking up with a chunk of the day already over is disorienting and, to me, tends to be less productive. Everyone is different, but I think staying on a schedule with relatively early hours is more stable. I slept until roughly 9 a.m. - this is a luxury to some people, and crazy early to others. I think 9 is a good choice because it fits close to an 8-to-5 schedule but still allows you some extra time in bed.

Networking will not necessarily save you. I had many, many people working in my favor inside companies and it did nothing. The job that I landed (and love) was a hire where I had no referral or contact. People like to hype up networking as the key to success, and I’m sure it is - once you’re in the industry. Networking works for some people, but I truly don’t believe it should be your focus or concentration. (This of course varies by what your career path is.) It’s all about volume: apply, apply, apply, apply. And then apply again.

Most of the time, you’re not going to hear back from an employer after you apply. That’s how it is now.

Don’t be ashamed to file for unemployment. These resources are there for a reason. You might as well take the opportunities (the few that are left) that the government has to offer. If you are actively trying to look for a job but cannot get one, there is no shame in asking for help from the people you pay taxes to and who in return provide services for people in need. The social contract goes both ways.

Be prepared for group interviews. These are happening more and more now. 75% of my interviews were with 2 or more people. Don’t let it put you off. In some ways, it’s easier to have a conversation when there are more voices in the room, and they are usually there to gauge chemistry more than they are to grill you (in my experience). And while I’m on the subject of interviews: cliche questions still occur, but many questions related to my experience and real-life scenarios on the job or in life. They want examples - times you stepped up, times where you might have failed but bounced back, times you showed leadership. Have stories ready. Yes, sometimes I’d get an occasional “What’s your favorite hobby?” or “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” and you should have answers ready for those. But lately the trend is about showing them you are a good fit for the job, rather than summing yourself up in three words.

It’s really hard to get a government job. They take forever to get back to you. They typically hire internally. It sucks. USAJOBS is a pain. You should know this ahead of time.

There will be bad days. There will be bad weeks. There might be bad months. Keep applying.

You will be tested. Quite literally. For almost every job that I got a response from, I was required to take further action, and sometimes in multiple phases, before an interview was even set up. Companies are being really choosy right now because they know they can. It’s disheartening, but it’s best if you are rid of the illusion that you stop taking tests after college. I had to take actual exams, write multiple-page projects, do short quizzes, come up with proposal ideas, and fill out interview questions all before I spoke to someone. It’s frustrating but also the reality that I faced.

It’s okay to be a little bit picky. Especially at first. You don’t have to settle immediately. Apply to the passion jobs and the long shots. Make sure you know your deal-breakers, and don’t feel guilty about sticking to them. If you really don’t want to work in a certain area or do a certain task, don’t apply to those jobs. So don’t feel bad about that. But just know that there may come a time later when you will have to compromise.

Sometimes you have to play the game. You should get a LinkedIn account and monitor your social media. I know. I resisted it for awhile, but it’s something that a lot of people say is important, and employers do want to see an online presence of some kind. LinkedIn is a “respectable” way of doing it, and keeping your social accounts relatively clean is the best way to go. (Coded language for “hide your tumblr”? Perhaps.)

A lot of the time, rejection really isn’t about you. It’s almost impossible to believe that, and a part of me still feels that it was personal, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever think otherwise, but I know logically that isn’t true. I have heard from hiring managers and HR people that job listings have to be posted even if the vacancy is planned from the start to be filled internally. This. Happens. Too. Often. To. Count. Also, the job market is FLOODED. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s rough. It really is. The competition is fierce. It isn’t necessarily about you. But it still stings.

Try not to beat yourself up if there are days where you don’t apply for jobs. No one is perfect. You can have a break. Binge watch Black Mirror (no, seriously, watch Black Mirror) but come back to your search. Don’t go too far down the rabbit hole.

Don’t follow a resume template. This is a tough one and hard to really delve into in this setting, as it is so unique to every person. It takes work and oftentimes a guiding hand to get a great resume. I’ve had multiple hiring managers and a career counselor tell me that when they see a cover letter that looks different from the rest, they are immediately interested. Use segments, boxes, and graphics rather than a linear, wordy timeline of your employment and education history. You’re more likely to get interviews if you use a narrative rather than bullet points and facts. Describe your experience and accomplishments in concise, substantive language (no filler!), and highlight your technological and practical skill set in a section all its own. (Computer programs/coding, web design, media production, and writing/communication are all good things to emphasize if they apply to you.)

Use your college resources: your professors. I got a freelance research project from a professor I had a deep connection with, and used others as a support system during hard times. Some places have good Career Centers (mine didn’t), and others have alumni or honor society job networks. I personally don’t have any experience with those so I don’t know how effective they are, but I can attest that bonding and having communication with various professors in your field is psychologically and sometimes monetarily rewarding, and might help more than you think in the short and long term. There’s more incentive than a good grade when it comes to befriending your teacher.

Don’t stay in the house for longer than three days at a time. It’s obviously not a hard and fast rule, but things got really tough for me after that length of time without either being in the light or being around people. It might be really hard, but try to get out at least every few days in some capacity. Long-term unemployment is rife with apathy and entropy, and succumbing is not difficult in that environment. If you can, get out.

I absolutely detest Monster.com. I think it was utterly useless; it got me nowhere and I was left with a bunch of unhelpful spammy emails with terrible listings. Indeed had good matches to my skill set and interests, but I never heard back from a single one. My best experiences came from Craigslist. Real, legitimate corporations advertise there, and I got many interviews from respectable places via Craigslist. I highly recommend it. There are some neat, unconventional postings, but just keep your eyes open for anything sketchy (you know how the internet works). I ended up getting my current job, however, through its website (I work at a theatre). I also got some responses that way, too: going to the websites of individual places you want to work and browsing their Employment section. Also, consider freelancing, package delivery, tutoring, substitute teaching, and other part-time gigs while you look for something permanent and full-time.

In between applying for jobs (which itself should be your full-time job), read that long book series you’ve been wanting to get to forever. Start - and finish - that cleaning project you’ve been putting off for years. Go through your home and donate anything you don’t need to Goodwill or local homeless/battered women shelters. Write that poem or novel that’s been in your head for a decade. Go for the 7-minute mile. If there’s something that’s been on your mind, now is the time to do it. Create. Organize. Contribute.

When it comes to letters of reference, go for quality over quantity. It’s better to have 2-3 really strong, glowing references than 4-5 mediocre ones. The better they know you, the more they will invest in the letter, so choose from the best of those in your life. Employment references are the most useful, but academic ones are great too, especially if they are particularly positive. Only use a personal reference (which is a non-family member, usually a friend/religious advisor/etc.) if they ask for one. Also, I’ve been told it’s outdated to include references with your application (and they should only be given upon request), but I couldn’t say for sure if it matters or not.

[rapuvdayear]

1994: “Intro” The Notorious B.I.G. (Bad Boy/Arista)

Strap in, this is going to be a long post (even by my standards). Like, more than 5000 words long.

In the annals of rap history, there are certain periods that are just plain loaded. For example, between 1986 and 1988, Public Enemy, Run-DMC, Boogie Down Productions, the Beastie Boys, Eric B. & Rakim, Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick, Too $hort, and NWA all released absolute classics that not only redefined the genre, but have become touchstones for the rappers who followed them. 1992-1996 boasts a similar embarrassment of riches: The Chronic, Doggystyle, Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers), The Infamous, Soul Food, All Eyez On Me, The Score, Ridin’ Dirty, and ATLiens, among many, many more. Smack dab in the middle of that run, 1994 was arguably the apex of rap’s golden era. In any other year, The Diary would’ve taken the crown as the best/most important album. But Scarface’s opus gets unfairly ignored because 1994 also saw two releases that appear on any serious (read: not trolling) all-time top ten list, and are perennially in greatest-ever discussions. I already covered Nas’s Illmatic back in April. And today, we celebrate the 25th anniversary of Christopher Wallace’s debut, Ready To Die.

Properly assessing Biggie’s impact and legacy is a near impossible task. No other rapper has burned as brightly for so brief a period. After doing a nine-month bid in North Carolina for crack dealing as a 19-year-old, he was featured in The Source’s Unsigned Hype column—back when it was the still rap’s undisputed publication of record—off the strength of a now-infamous demo tape, a recognition that also helped launch the careers of Eminem, DMX, Common, and others. Big’s come up after The Source nod was similar to that of his contemporaries, like Nas, in that he stole the show on a couple of posse cuts. But while Nas went the “lyrically lyrical” route for a time and, with Illmatic, made an album featuring a Who’s Who of boom bap era producers, Big’s style was harder to pin down. He recorded just two official full-length albums, and only Ready To Die was released during his lifetime; in fact, Ready to Die is now officially older than Big was at the time of his murder, a crime that is still unsolved (and if that’s not a depressing statement about rap, violence, and blackness in America, I don’t know what is). His debut was recorded at a time when the West coast g-funk aesthetic was dominant, and East coast rap still meant “NYC,” which was primarily divided into two camps: the Timbs-and-hoodies style of the so-called New School rappers who could trace their lineages back to the Def Jam superstars of the 80s and Queensbridge’s Juice Crew, and the more “alternative” and Afrocentric stylings of the Native Tongues clique (there was also Wu-Tang, who combined elements of both but were also just weird as fuck). Ready To Die, in this sense, is much more representative of the Timbs-and-hoodies crowd, but it also paved the way toward a much more introspective, darker style of rap focused on violence and material wealth in equal measures that would become the standard in New York for the remainder of the decade. It’s a gangsta rap record with a boom bap sound. And though Biggie was certainly no slouch on the mic—his internal rhyme schemes are complex, and his flow is versatile—he didn’t need to rap fast or sound like he’d memorized a thesaurus in order to distinguish himself, either. His greatest strengths were his lovable-yet-dangerous personality, bawdy sense of humor, and unparalleled skill as a storyteller, which he would showcase to even greater effect on 1997’s Life After Death. Add everything up, and it makes perfect sense why Big is remembered as one of the—if not the—best to ever do it: he emerged at the peak of the golden era, but was also an originator rather than an imitator.

The 2Pac beef, East Coast-West Coast war, and “playas vs. thugs” dichotomy in mainstream 90s rap have all been broken down in painstaking detail elsewhere, with conspiracy theories lurking around every corner (for anyone interested, I think that the best resource for understanding those stories and where Biggie, Pac, and LAPD corruption fit into it all is this 2001 Randall Sullivan article in Rolling Stone). Separating history from hagiography is tough enough in a culture that is built on braggadocio; no rapper worth their salt has ever “let the truth get in the way of a good yarn.” But Biggie’s tall tale/folk hero status is on a different level, arguably even more so than Pac’s, with whom he will forever be linked. Much of that is due to the fact that his career was so short and his talent so undeniable; as distasteful as it is to admit, Biggie’s legacy undoubtedly benefited from his early passing, leaving us with two outstanding, classic albums and a handful of loosies, guest appearances, and posthumous compilations that continue to fuel speculation about the heights that he could have reached. Just as Jimi never made an experimental jazz guitar album and Otis never made disco, Big never recorded Nastradamus or Kingdom Come.

In the final analysis, Biggie’s career is defined by death, but not necessarily his own. Many have observed that the title of his debut album, Ready To Die, was, in a way, a foreshadow of things to come, and that the second, Life After Death, serves as a chilling acknowledgement of what occurred just two weeks before its release. But on a deeper level, a careful listen to both records reveals Biggie’s obsession with death: what he sees happening around him, the ways in which he might die—possibly even by his own hand—and the unanswerable question of whether or not death is the end. Behind all of the jokes, tales of sexual escapades, and reflections on how enjoyable the playa lifestyle can be, at its heart Ready To Die is extremely nihilistic.

That nihilism begins with the cover art, which along with The Chronic is the first rap album cover I can remember noticing. Despite what Nas and Raekwon may think, Ready To Die’s cover probably owes more to Nevermind than it does Illmatic: Nas’s childhood photo laminated over the Queensbridge housing projects on his debut evokes nostalgia for his roots; Ready To Die, on the other hand, is a bleak statement about being born a black man in America. Here’s this cute baby with an afro and a diaper set against a stark white background, and we the viewers are invited to wonder what his future holds. In other words, the point is that every American black male is born “ready to die” because that’s what the statistics tell us (in actuality, the photo model is alive and well). As an 11-year-old American white male from rural Maine, this was completely lost on me at the time. Looking back on it now, I can’t help but feel goosebumps.

The cover also simply yet effectively communicates the album’s narrative arc, such that there is one. Ready To Die isn’t a concept album by any means, but it does chart the life of Christopher Wallace from the womb to the tomb, so to speak. The first sounds we hear on the intro are a heartbeat, a woman in labor, her partner urging her to push, and then a baby crying. The last sounds are of a gunshot, a body falling to the floor, a voice on the other end of the line pleading, and a heartbeat slowing to a stop. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go through it track-by-track; this is one album that is all killer, no filler.

Intro (link above): This is a classic rap album trope: the introductory skit that establishes where the rapper is coming from, sort of like a superhero’s origin story. Maybe this is symptomatic of having recently been listening to only mid-to-late 90s rap, but it seems to me that these sorts of intros used to be more common than they are now. There’s no actual rapping here. Instead we get something very similar to “The Genesis” on Illmatic, a mashup of different iconic sounds from “the culture.” Whereas for Nas it was an excerpt from Wild Style followed by a skit over that movie’s theme, Biggie’s intro is more personal, and more comprehensive in terms of situating him in a time and a place. It begins with Christopher Wallace’s birth in 1972 over the sounds of “Superfly,” followed by an argument between Biggie’s parents about his antics that turns quickly to violent threats while “Rapper’s Delight” (1979)—the birth of rap, officially-unofficially—plays, then Big and a friend discussing a plan to rob subway passengers set to “Top Billin’” (1987), and finally Big being taunted by a corrections officer as he’s released from prison and Snoop’s “Tha Shiznit” (1993) can be heard in the background (this last part is definitely pure fiction; Big’s only recorded stint inside was back in 1991). The point of the narrative is obvious, but the musical choices are also significant. Biggie was part of an emerging generation of rappers who could still remember a time before rap, but who also grew up alongside the genre, their lives’ milestones scored by a soundtrack featuring the likes of The Sugarhill Gang, Audio Two, and Snoop. By 1994, rap itself had changed several times over already, and with Biggie’s entry it was set to change again. This theme continues on the next track…

Things Done Changed: First of all, this is one of the few songs I can think of that takes full advantage of stereo sound as the beat jumps from right to left and back again before the first harmonies kick in. In college, my friends and I used to love driving around with Ready To Die in the tape deck and performing a ritual of sorts to this opening, nodding our heads and pointing to the speakers on one side of the car and then the other (Side note: after college when I moved to Prague, a group of friends rented a car one night for the express purpose of driving around the city and listening to this album in its entirety. We actually got pulled over when we accidentally found ourselves in a Czech police extortion trap and had to bribe our way out, but that’s another story…). “Things Done Changed” is exactly what the title declares: a mix of Biggie waxing nostalgic about the bygone days of his Brooklyn childhood and communicating the harsh reality of post-crack NYC. The “back in the day” rap is another trope, but whereas previous examples like The Pharcyde’s “Passin’ Me By” (1992), Pete Rock and CL Smooth’s “T.R.O.Y.” (1992), and even Nas’s “Memory Lane” (1994) all are accompanied by production that emphasizes the slow, sweet, happy remembrances of things past, “Things Done Changed”—with samples from 70s funk group The Main Ingredient—sounds downright foreboding. The message is that there’s no time to lament the past because it’s over and done with and the future is anything but certain. As if this point weren’t clear enough, the Dr. Dre sample on the chorus—“Remember they used to thump? But now they blast, right?”—and Biggie’s appeal to his contemporaries—“Motherfucker, this ain’t back in the day/ But you don’t hear me though”—eliminate any sense of ambiguity. There are so many great Biggie lines sprinkled throughout (e.g., “And we coming to the wake/ To make sure the crying and commotion ain’t a motherfucking fake”; “Back in the days our parents used to take care of us/ Look at ‘em now, they even fuckin’ scared of us”; and “The streets is a short stop/ Either you slingin’ crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot,” which incidentally was quoted in the cringeworthiest way possible in 2000’s Boiler Room), but one in particular stands out to me: “It make me wanna grab the 9 and the shotty/ But I gotta go identify the body.” A former roommate of mine always loved this part because it encapsulates not just Biggie’s moral dilemma, but in many ways the definitive contradictions of gangbanging and the drug trade: I’m so angry and in pain that I want to visit extreme violence upon the world, but at the same time I have to deal with the fallout of the violence around me in the most intimate of ways. Did I mention already that this album is nihilistic to the core?

Gimme The Loot: This song will always hold a special place in my memory. It was either this or Snoop’s version of “Lodi Dodi” that was the first rap I memorized word for word. In high school, my friends and I used to go out to the cross-country running trails after school to, uh, do what burnouts do, and more often than not would end up reciting “Gimme The Loot” in its entirety at the top of our lungs (I hope that we changed all the ****** to “suckas” or something…). Biggie voices two characters, both plotting small-scale robberies with grotesque levels of passion. For real, some of the lyrics for the album version had to be censored because, well, this: “I don’t give a fuck if you’re pregnant/ Give me the baby ring and the #1 mom pendant.” “Gimme The Loot” is also a perfect example of Big’s style: it’s played for laughs, but the subject matter is darker than dark. I like to think of this as a companion piece to “****** Bleed” from Life After Death—my all-time favorite Biggie track—which is about a much more ambitious robbery that is also full of jokes. In line with the album’s theme, “Gimme The Loot” ends with Big presumably dying in a hail of bullets during a shootout with the cops, “a true motherfucker going out for the loot.”

Machine Gun Funk: Ooh, this beat! As anyone who follows this account already knows, one of my favorite things about rap is how much great music I’ve been introduced to via samples. In this case, “Something Extra” by 70s funk band Black Heat. Easy Mo Bee, who produced this and five other tracks on Ready To Die, doesn’t get the acclaim of contemporaries like DJ Premier, Pete Rock, or Large Professor. But his bona fides are solid—coming up with the Juice Crew—and his work on this album is spectacular. As with “Gimme The Loot,” some of the lyrics in the second verse censored: “For the jackers, the jealous-ass crackers in the blue suits/ I’ll make you prove that it’s bulletproof.” This was, after all, around the time that NWA and Ice-T had provoked outrage—and FBI investigations!—for their anti-police lyrics. “Machine Gun Funk”’s overall gist is summed up in one line: “I’m doing rhymes now, fuck the crimes now.” In other words, Big is just as hard as he was on the ascent, but he’s transcended that life now and is making bank from rap. It’s another well-worn trope that’s become almost obligatory for rappers to talk about now.

Warning: Another funky Easy Mo Bee beat, this time with an Isaac Hayes sample. Biggie relates a story of being awakened early in the morning by a friend who has gotten wind that his enemies are plotting his demise (he also shouts out fellow Brooklynites M.O.P., which is a nice touch!). He demonstrates his capacity for catchy internal rhymes—“They heard about the Rolexes and the Lexus/ With the Texas license plates out of state/ They heard about the pounds you got down in Georgetown/ And they heard you got half Virginia locked down”—and penchant for clever metaphors—“There’s gonna be a lot of slow singin’ and flower bringin’/ If my burglar alarm starts ringin’”; “The criminals, tryna drop my decimals.” There’s also the continuation of the “ready to die” theme with a depressing statement about trust and paranoia: “It’s the ones that smoke blunts witcha, see your picture/ Now they wanna grab they guns and come and getcha.” “Warning” ends with a darkly funny skit of sorts that leads right into the next track…

Ready To Die: I mean, it’s right there in the title: this is the entire album in a nutshell. Big is defiant here and completely nihilistic: “My shit is deep, deeper than my grave, G/ I’m ready to die, and nobody can save me/ Fuck the world, fuck my moms and my girl/ My life is played out like a Jheri curl, I’m ready to die!” And why all the violence? It’s simple, really, a means to an end: “Shit is real, and hungry’s how I feel/ I rob and steal because that money got that whip appeal.” This Easy Mo Bee beat is appropriately eerie, too, flipping the organ from blaxploitation film score legend Willie Hutch’s “Hospital Prelude Of Love Theme.” “Warning” ends with Puffy reciting “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep,” similar to how he would start “You’re Nobody (‘Til Somebody Kills You)” on Life After Death with the 23rd Psalm: both are prayers about death and the afterlife.

One More Chance: This was one of the tracks that Big recorded during the second half of the Ready To Die sessions at Puffy’s urging. While Big allegedly didn’t want to make any concessions to commercial tastes, being the ever-calculating businessman that he is, Puff encouraged him to include a few tracks that weren’t just about robbing and killing. As such, the tone here is a little different from the album up to this point. However, it does give Big a chance to explore another of his signature topics and themes: sex, but in the lewdest way possible (I mean, he raps about shifting kidneys, shattering bladders, and “fuck[ing] her ‘til her nose bleed”). As my friend Jason pointed out to me recently, the skit in the intro is more interesting than it would appear at first, too. Ostensibly, it’s recordings of women on Big’s answering machine who he’s ghosted. However, the second caller doesn’t seem to be someone he’s slept with, but rather a female friend chiding him for being inconsiderate. Who knows whether this is meaningful or not, but maybe just maybe it’s a small subversion of the “g’s up, hoes down” mantra pervading rap? Eh, it’s a stretch. “One More Chance” was remixed and released as a single in 1995, becoming one of Big’s biggest hits. The original version is far superior, though, IMHO. Another minor note: verse 2 contains a cool shout out to Houston’s Geto Boys and the “Mind Playing Tricks On Me” video, complete with the beat switching up briefly to index that song.

Fuck Me (Interlude): A skit featuring Lil’ Kim. I usually don’t like rap skits, but this one is notable for making “Oreo cookie eatin’, pickle juice drinkin’, chicken gristle eatin’, biscuit fuckin’ suckin’ … V8 juice drinkin’, Slim Fast blendin’, black greasy muthafucka” into passable dirty talk. And that’s all I have to say about that.

The What: When Nas said, “My first album had no famous guest appearances/ The outcome: I’m crowned the best lyricist” on Stillmatic, this is the song he was talking about (well, either this or “Brooklyn’s Finest”… yeah, it was probably the latter). Given how rappers have stuck to the formula of paying for the services of more accomplished figures to drive interest in their debuts, it’s a testament to Nas’s and Big’s greatness that both Illmatic and Ready To Die only had one feature apiece: AZ on “Life’s A Bitch,” and Method Man on “The What.” With all due respect to AZ, no one’s mistaking him for a “famous” guest. Meth, on the other hand, had only really been famous for a couple of years at this point, but he was far and away Wu-Tang’s breakout star and would become the first group member to drop a post-36 Chambers solo just two months later. His participation here is also unexpected given the less-famous-yet-still-potent beef that existed between Wu-Tang and Biggie. Collabos and features are often underwhelming; either the guest feels like an unnecessary afterthought, or ends up “murder[ing] you on your own shit.” In this case, though, Meth is able to keep pace with Big and vice versa. Although his chemistry with Redman is legendary and their work together was super enjoyable, “The What” makes me wonder what a Meth and Biggie full-length would have sounded like. Easy Mo Bee laces the beat with the most stonerific production on the album, a laid back, fried melody that samples the outro to Leroy Huston’s “Can’t Say Enough About Mom” (1974). It works!

Juicy: It’s funny, this used to be my least favorite track on Ready To Die, entirely because of the chorus, which I thought was too “soft.” But now that I’m older, I appreciate its anthem-ness and the funky-ass Mtume sample. “Juicy” was, of course, the album’s lead single, but it was recorded toward the end of the sessions because Puff realized that they needed a radio-ready hit if Biggie was going to be a success. As a result, it’s the most discordant track on the album because of its uplifting tone, message of positivity, and nothing in the lyrics about death or dying. Along with “Things Done Changed,” this is the most autobiographical song on Ready To Die. And it’s chock full of quotables: “Time to get paid/ Blow up like the World Trade” (which has subsequently been censored in post-9/11 radio versions); “Spread love, it’s the Brooklyn way”; “Considered a fool cuz I dropped out of high school” (that one always resonated with me, haha); “Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis/ When I was dead broke, man, I couldn’t picture this” (which sounds hilarious now as far as stunting goes); “Birthdays was the worst days/ Now we sip champagne when we thirstay.” Also like “Things Done Changed,” “Juicy” is a nod to the past—the first verse is basically a list of 80s rap influencers—while signaling that a paradigm shift is happening; when Big says, “You never thought that hip-hop would take it this far,” he means for both himself and for the genre as a whole. He probably would have been a star anyway without “Juicy,” but its inclusion on Ready To Die definitely helped drive his early mainstream appeal.

Everyday Struggle: This anthem is still relevant today. They wouldn’t be brave enough (or stupid enough, depending on your perspective) to actually do it, but Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders could totally use this as a campaign song in 2020. The name of the game here is “precarity” and the choices people make just to survive. The sample, from Dave Grusin’s cheesy 80s jazz composition “Either Way” (1980), starts off in a vaporwavish muffle that makes the intro sound like a classic TV theme song. And then immediately we’re vaulted back into Biggie’s bleak, nihilistic take on contemporary life, and his suicidal ideations (a foreshadowing of things to come…): “I don’t wanna live no more/ Sometimes I hear death knocking at my front door/ I’m living everyday like a hustle, another drug to juggle/ Another day, another struggle.” The whole song is about drug dealing, but it’s not all glorification: Big makes it quite clear that a) violence and the possibility (inevitability?) of death are ever-present, and b) it is an endeavor that is fundamentally about preying on one’s community. As he puts it, “Baggin’ five at a time/ I can clock about nine on the check cashin’ line/ I had the first and the third rehearsed, that’s my word,” all of which is to say that he had a clear understanding of the temporal rhythms of government assistance, wage payments, and the financial habits of the unbanked. It’s less of a lament than what appears in other rappers’ odes to “the game,” but I think it’d be remiss to ignore his discomfort with being a participant in an activity that clearly destroys lives and neighborhoods.

Me & My Bitch: Woooooo, talk about a problematic song! This is Kevin Gates before Kevin Gates. On the one hand, you could make a legitimate case for “Me & My Bitch” being the most romantic gangsta rap song ever (which is saying something in and of itself). On the other hand, Big would definitely be cancelled in 2019 for this. The opening line is classic Biggie humor: “I’ll admit when I first saw you my thoughts was a trip/ You looked so good, huh, I’d suck on your daddy’s dick.” But it soon devolves into your run-of-the-mill rap misogyny: “When the time is right, the wine is right/ I treat you right; you talk slick, I beat you right.” It’s all a fantasy—AFAIK Big never had a romantic relationship like the one depicted here—that’s the textbook definition of “ride or die.” Emphasis on “die” because that’s where the song ends up (because of course it does, this is Ready To Die after all). At first, Big tells us, “And if I deceive, she won’t take it lightly/ She’ll invite me, politely, to fight, G/ And then we lie together, cry together/ I swear to God I hope we fuckin’ die together,” which say what you will, that’s kind of a sweet sentiment. But alas, he doesn’t get his wish, as his lover is gunned down by his enemies, collateral in a war against him. Again, his eulogy for her is also kind of sweet, in a perverse way: “It didn’t take long before the tears start/ I saw my bitch dead with a gunshot to the heart/ And I know it was meant for me/ I guess the ****** felt they had to kill the closest one to me/ And when I find ‘em, your life is to an end/ They killed my best friend.”

Big Poppa: Another of the more radio-friendly, Puffy-inspired tracks, and consequently one of the album’s biggest hits (and second single). This is also the closest the Ready To Die comes to emulating 1994’s pop rap zeitgeist as the production on “Big Poppa” is clearly g-funk, complete with a high-pitched synthesizer straight out of Dre’s toolkit. It’s quite the contrast with the previous track, going from “ghetto soap opera” to “big willie playa fantasy.” Overall, “Big Poppa” is solid club song. Also, did Biggie invent the “weird flex” with this line: “A t-bone steak, cheese, eggs, and Welch’s grape”?

Respect: This one’s a nod to Biggie’s Jamaican roots, and introduces another chapter in the autobiography established through “Things Done Changed” and “Juicy.” “Respect” features Jamaican reggae/dancehall singer Diana King on the hook and reggae-ish beat from Poke of the Trackmasters that interpolates KC & The Sunshine Band’s “I Get Lifted” (1975). Even here Biggie pushes the “ready to die” theme as he narrates his birth!: “Umbilical cord wrapped around my neck/ I’m seein’ my death, and I ain’t even took my first step.” Verse 2 contains some more reflection on the uncertainties of the drug game: “Put the drugs on the shelf? Nah, couldn’t see it/ Scarface, King of New York, I wanna be it/ Rap was secondary, money was necessary/ Until I got incarcerated, kinda scary/ … Time to contemplate, damn, where did I fail?/ All the money I stacked was all the money for bail.”

Friend Of Mine: Easy Mo Bee does it again! Another of my favorite beats on Ready To Die. This one’s mostly Biggie-style sexual humor, similar to “One More Chance” only funkier and more misogynistic. It’s Big’s version of “g’s up, hoes down” or “Scandalouz.” The double standard regarding male and female promiscuity is in full effect. Even so, there’s a cleverness to the lyrics; Big’s descriptions are just plain different from other rappers’ (side note: the same argument can be made for Gucci Mane): “I don’t give a bitch enough to catch the bus/ And when I see the semen, I’m leavin’”; “Now I play her far like a moon play a star.”

Unbelievable: Scoring a DJ Premier beat for your album in the 90s was basically confirmation that you were someone worth paying attention to. Nas did it with Illmatic, and Big pulled the legendary producer’s card for this, the final track recorded for Ready To Die. Premo even gave Big a discount, charging him less than his usual fee because he’d gone overbudget already! The sample, from The Honeydrippers’ “Impeach The President” (1973), is well-traveled territory in rap, having been sampled in dozens of songs already by that point. “Unbelievable”’s content is mostly just Biggie boasting about his greatness at all things. And you’ve gotta respect the audacity of sampling yourself, from another song on the same album, giving yourself props (“Biggie Smalls is the illest!”). Even without a clear narrative or any deeper message, “Unbelievable” is a showcase of Biggie’s range of technical skills from internal rhymes—“And those that rushes my clutches get put on crutches/ Get smoked like Dutches”—to sly metaphors—“I got three hundred and fifty-seven ways/ To simmer sauté”—and original adjectives—“car weed-scented.” Big and Premier would link up again on Life After Death for two of that album’s standouts—“Kick In The Door” and “Ten Crack Commandments”—but three tracks still feels like far too few for such a potent combination.

Suicidal Thoughts: Dear lord, what an ending! If you doubted that Ready To Die was nihilistic up to this point, “Suicidal Thoughts” leaves no question as to the tone that Big intended. This is my second favorite of Biggie’s songs, and IMHO his most poignant. I almost feel as if he invented emo-rap here, letting the listener into his tortured psyche in a way that only Pac and Eminem have even come close to imitating. I’ve written about this track and my fondness for it already, naming it my “rap of the year” for 1994. The overall concept is Big calling up Puff to deliver what amounts to a suicide note. As Puffy pleads with him not to go through with it, Biggie enumerates all of the reasons that he’s “a piece of shit, it ain’t hard to fucking tell” and why the world would be better off without him: his criminal escapades, his sense that he’d let down his loved ones, his lies and infidelity. The key passages: “All my life I been considered as the worst/ Lyin’ to my mother, even stealin’ out her purse/ Crime after crime, from drugs to extortion/ I know my mother wish she got a fuckin’ abortion/ She don’t even love me like she did when I was younger/ Suckin’ on her chest just to stop my fuckin’ hunger/ I wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes?/ Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies”; “People at the funeral frontin’ like they miss me/ My baby mama kiss me, but she glad I’m gone/ She know me and her sister had somethin’ goin’ on.” Additionally, this is one of the things that truly separates Big from Pac when it comes to their musings on death and the afterlife: while Pac rapped about heaven and “thugz mansion,” Big seemed convinced that he was headed to hell both here and elsewhere: “When I die, fuck it, I wanna go to hell/ … It don’t make sense goin’ to heaven with the goodie-goodies/ Dressed in white; I like black Timbs and black hoodies.” If “Ready To Die” was a defiant declaration, then “Suicidal Thoughts” is Biggie proving that it was no lie, that he is, in fact, ready to pass on even if it’s his own doing. The beat is handled by Lord Finesse—another boom-bap veteran—and complements perfectly the tension that builds until the final moments: the gunshot, the thud, and the flatlining heartbeat (the sample is Miles Davis’s “Lonely Fire” (1974)).

There’s no denying Ready To Die’s place in the pantheon of rap history. People can debate whether or not it and/or Big are the greatest ever, which is fine, but ultimately meaningless. What we have here is an album that can be enjoyed on many different levels. And even if it is all about death, as with any work of art, it will live on as long as people keep listening to and loving it.

[high-fructose-lesbianism]

The 5 Best and 5 Worst songs from 2016’s Billboard Top 100 Singles

The 5 Best Singles

5. When We Were Young- Adele (#83)

Adele is always great. Lyrically, this isn’t necessarily one of Adele’s best efforts. Compared to some of her other songs, it can be a little clunky but saying that, it’s still fucking Adele. She’s a great songwriter, a better singer and always a breath of fresh air within the pop charts. 

4. I Hate U, I Love U- gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien (#38)

Apparently this is a bad song. I’m sorry for it being here. I will admit that once I learned what gnash looked like, I doubted his sincerity slightly more than when I was just going off the song. But gnash is the weaker part of the song and wholly secondary, the star here is Olivia O’Brien. She is a beautiful singer who manages to evoke emotion in her singing which I see increasingly rarely from these sort of upcoming female singers. I find that Olivia O’Brien seems to actually have an understanding of the lyrics she’s singing as opposed to either singing them slowly to sound sad or just doing unnecessary vocal runs. 

More and more I am finding emotional pop ballads come across flat for me. It’s something that I complain about with the 50′s charts and I find there’s a resurgence in this day and age. Increasingly more of these slow, indie ballads come off artificial or lacking any emotion at all. This one isn’t. Mostly due to the work of Olivia O’Brien, this is a song that not only sounds like the singers have a grasp of human emotion but it sounds personal. I am looking forward to hearing more from Olivia O’Brien because she has sincerity in her singing that I am finding increasingly scarce.

3. Ex’s and Oh’s- Elle King (#63)

This is a rechart from 2015 where it didn’t even make my shortlist but this year was worse so here it is, 3rd best song of the year. Admittedly it maybe should’ve made my shortlist in 2015. I do love me a maneater song.

More than that, I love some country music that sounds a little dirty and grungy. It’s all so clean and pretty usually. Both in subject matter and arrangement, this song is a bit grittier. It’s still definitely country-lite but the non-country influences here are rock as much as they are pop (and not at all rap) and these influences combine brilliantly to make a song about the promiscuity of Rob Schneider’s daughter.

2. Hello- Adele (#7)

Adele is better than you. She’s also better than every single indie upcoming artist who sings their songs at one quarter speed to evoke sadness. Adele doesn’t coast like that. Much as Adele’s voice is great technically, what makes her truly brilliant is her ability to inject every syllable of her lyrics with emotion. It is perhaps foolish to hope for sincerity coming from the pop charts but if songs that require sincerity are charting, I don’t think it’s too much too much to ask that they be sung by competent performers. Adele is so far beyond competent.

1. Sorry- Beyonce (#71)

The theme of my top list year seems to be a demand for sincerity and believability from the performers. Again, the pop charts are probably not the place to do this and I would make my life easier if I just enjoyed the work of Flo Rida or similar for whom sincerity is less of a problem. Sadly, I am pretentious. Luckily, Beyonce.

Lemonade is an amazing fucking album and “Sorry” is a great single to represent that album. This song is simultaneously intensely personal and yet remains relatable. In “Sorry”, Beyonce managed to walk the fine line of being a superstar and diva but also making music that speaks to her fans. It worked. This song is an inspiration, instead of Beyonce being so far removed from the average person’s life experiences, instead she comes across as an inspiration of what to do. When confronted with a cheating lover, Beyonce has given us not only a song to listen to during that hard time but an inspirational template of how to act.

This song is a bit of a slow burn, the first verse being rather discordant and impersonal and it just builds and builds in quality and personal details to the point that the last verse becomes the best individual verse of 2016.

The 5 Worst Singles

5. All In My Head (Flex)- Fifth Harmony ft. Fetty Wap (#93)

This is not a song I care about sincerity with. What I do care about is that this is a club song that you can’t dance to, nor is it a song about sex that you can fuck to. I just don’t see any occasion in which this song would work at.

Vocally, the members of Fifth Harmony are all over the place. Whoever is singing the second verse I find particularly grating. And then there’s Fetty Wap who I cannot make out a single word from. It really sounds like he stumbled in drunk and ruined their recording session but then they kept it in for some fucking reason (Presumably because he’s the only performer in this song who has any personality).

Lyrically, this song is repetitive. It only has the one verse and other than the brief, out of place interlude from Fetty Wap, that is the only thing to interrupt the bridge and chorus. The repetition of the verse makes one particular lyric stand out all the more-- “so tongue and cheek when we’re laying on roses.” What does that mean? That is not a sentence that makes sense and it drives me fucking mental. It sounded a lot like tongue-in-cheek which is confusing to begin with and they should’ve been aware of that when writing. Even now that I know it’s tongue and cheek, it’s a still a weak and borderline nonsensical lyric. I would’ve given it a pass if it was just one throw-away line in a verse but because the song repeats said verse, here we are. If you’re only gonna have one verse to your song, at least make all the lyrics half-decent. 

5. 7 Years- Lukas Graham (#12)

This song is insufferably arrogant. Saying that, I marked comparatively low because at least they were trying. Lukas Graham probably spent months perfecting this song and I respect their work ethic. Too bad that if anything “7 Years” is overwritten and overproduced. 

Again, my thing here is the sincerity. In this case I think the lack of it comes from how overwritten the lyrics are. Any seed of truth and raw emotion was left seven drafts behind. Now all we have is this obnoxious, soulless song that’s sung by a performer who not only hasn’t mastered how to apply emotion to his songs but also hasn’t mastered the basic art of singing. There is nothing redeeming about this song. It’s so arrogant and self-serving, not nearly as personal and emotional as they clearly think it is and the lead singer’s voice is insufferable. Lukas Graham can kindly fuck off back to Denmark.

3. Timmy Turner- Desiigner (#98)

Admittedly, “Timmy Turner” is acting as more of a poster child for the mumble-rap genre in general. I’m not a fan. It’s like the unholy mating of the inarticulation of crunk rap of 2004 and the lazy beats and general no-fun of the T-Pain-esque autotune 2008 era. 

These songs just sound lazy. Much as “7 Years” was overwritten, “Timmy Turner” could go through at least one more lyrical draft before they went into the recording studio. I don’t find the stream of consciousness style that these raps hold to be appealing, I find it lazy.

Of course, I’m sort of guessing that the lyrics are bad because I can understand so few of them. “Timmy Turner” and other mumble rap songs genuinely give me anxiety about the well-being of the performers both in the moment and in a long-term sort of way. The performers just sound so incredibly, dangerously intoxicated.

“Timmy Turner” had to become the poster child and 3rd worst song of the year because it most clearly expressed my overall problem with the mumble rap genre. Timmy Turner sounds like a party that’s not fun anymore. One of those parties where you’ve been there for hours and it’s now 4 in the morning and everyone’s gone from fun and lively drunk to sad/angry drunk and someone’s throwing up in the bathroom. That is what “Timmy Turner” sounds like, a party you regret not leaving hours sooner. The discussion and depiction of intoxication comes across as so bleak that I can’t see how anyone enjoys listening to this music.

2. Watch Me (Whip/ Nae Nae)- Silento (#88)

I will say, as bad as this year is, I find it reliving that this song is still second worst. As I said last year about “Watch Me”, this song is so bad it makes me miss Soulja Boy. That’s pretty much all I have to say on this issue.

1. Me Too- Meghan Trainor (#62)

On top of being obnoxious, this song is inexcusably lazy. Much as Rihanna’s Work is also a pretty lazy song, Rihanna’s been doing this 10 years now and is allowed to phone one in. This is only Meghan Trainor’s second album and fifth major single. You can’t afford to get this spectacularly lazy with your output so early in the game. For fuck’s sake, the beat sounds like noises you make with your mouth to amuse a child. None of Trainor’s vocal talent is on display and in place we have obvious rhymes and an instrumental chorus that’s more sad than it is catchy or danceable. Not only am I confused why this is a song, but why the fuck was this a single? Was this seriously one of the notable tracks on her new album? If singles are supposed to be advertisements for the album as a whole, this is a terrible one because the thought that this is one of the strongest songs from said album is terrifying. This song should’ve been like track 10 on a 12 track album, one of the filler tracks. Much as this song never should have been recorded, it sure as hell should never have been released as a single. This song is embarrassing and I hope Meghan Trainor and everyone else associated with it feel embarassed every day about its existence.

Other Observations on this List

Like 2016 in general, this top 100 was bad and made me sad

I’d like to take a moment of silence for some songs that should’ve been top 100 hits but weren’t

Lazarus- David Bowie (or any and all given songs from Black Star)

Formation- Beyonce (or any additional songs from Lemonade)

The Greatest- Sia ft. Kendrick Lamar (Sia’s better single of the year)

Either Equal Rights (ft. P!nk) or Finest Girl (Bin Laden Song) by The Lonely Island (because we’ve had viral comedy hits chart before and holy shit, “Finest Girl” is the funniest thing)

WTF (Where They From) ft. Pharrell Williams- Missy Elliott

Genghis Khan- Miike Snow (in a better year, this would’ve been a sleeper hit that became song of the summer)

As I sort of mentioned, mumble rap was the most defining genre of the year

If I had not already been through this, I would be worried about the direction pop music is going because I really don’t like the mumble rap. But like the terribleness that was 2008-era autotune rap, this too shall pass

Other than mumble rap, there was a lot of slow, emotional R&B or acoustic songs of which I did not buy the sincerity

Perfect is One Direction’s best single and that kind of bums me out because Zayn was my favourite member of One Direction and this was released after he left

I still can’t believe we’re letting The Chainsmokers have a career

I don’t like 21 Pilots. I don’t understand the appeal.

[kleroterion]

Thoughts on Long-Term Unemployment

This is not a survival guide, nor is it a comprehensive tip list for getting through long-term unemployment (or, really, any period of unemployment). It’s a series of things that I learned while job searching for almost a year after I graduated from college. A close friend was looking for almost 3 years post-graduation, and another friend close to 8 months. This is not a unique experience and you are not alone. Granted, I had it easy compared to others - a supportive family, a place to stay and be cared for while I looked for a job, and enough savings to get me by. But it was a terrible experience and I want to at least try to help someone who is going through the same thing. These musings reflect my own experience and will not necessarily apply to everyone. This is a collection of notes and thoughts, not a panacea. I know at the end of the day you will go to bed with anxiety, no matter what I say. But maybe something here will speak to someone. I want to try.

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Phone interviews/pre-interviews are increasingly common, which gives you an opportunity to really shine - you’ve got the advantage. A lot of people have phone anxiety, but think of it as a way to cater the conversation to your space: you can have information pulled up on your computer, spread out hand-written scribbles in front of you, and be dressed in comfy pajamas. Make it so that the interview is on your terms - times are typically highly negotiable because it’s just over the phone, so you can pick a time that represents your peak efficiency mode.

If you can, try to participate in something during this long stretch of time. This is something that requires a financial safety net, so it won’t work for everyone (I’m sorry). Try to find activities that you can talk about in interviews or that can build your resume (but aren’t filler): Volunteering (Meals on Wheels, at a library, homeless shelters), aiding a political campaign, learning a new skill/language, or studying for an exam you know you’ll have to take (the GRE, LSAT, MCAT, etc.). Take advantage of this time if you can. Getting out of the house and socializing is really important during these hard times and working towards a goal or helping others is a way to move forward when you feel so stuck.

Open curtains and windows. Being cloistered up with only fluorescents or lamp light isn’t super conducive to mental health (in my opinion). Air out the house. Let natural sunlight in.

People in the relevant industries should consider having an online portfolio, and that url should be placed prominently on one’s resume. WordPress is free, and employers (especially in that industry) like to see applicants with 21st-century skill sets. Demonstrate that you can navigate website-making tools while also showing off your talents. If you can, buy a domain name, but it’s not essential. WordPress has enough versatility on its own to get you what you need and to let people see what you are capable of.

Yes, you will have to write cover letters. Because you’re going to be applying a lot, have a template that you can customize for each job. It should be something general enough to work for many outlets, but you need to make a point to make it unique to each company you apply to - tailoring is essential. You won’t necessarily need to write a new one from scratch each time, but make sure to let them know you’re talking to them, not just anyone. Read the job description and incorporate their needs with your skill set into the letter. Try to make your letter a narrative rather than a formulaic sheet of information that they can easily glean from your resume. What experiences make you qualified for that particular job? Why are you the best candidate, and how can you prove it? Find a way to show patterns and traits in your life that define you as a person, and tie it into your employment and experience.

Self-care is a thing for a reason. Stay hydrated. Shower. Do the dishes. Getting up in the morning can be really hard. There’s a lot of disappointment in long-term unemployment. Taking the little steps each day when you don’t want to will keep a sense of control and order in your life. A pile of dirty dishes in the sink, clutter and laundry, dirty hair: no judgment. Seriously. I understand depression. I’ve been there. I’m there. But those things, while seemingly just aesthetic, really do impact you mentally. If you can try to stay on top of those things, you might be able to get to the bigger stuff. I don’t think you’ll ever feel bad after doing any of them, and getting just a few things done tends to propel you just based off of action - an object in motion stays in motion.

Resist the temptation to sleep in. When you’re unemployed for long stretches of time, it’s so, so tempting to let yourself sleep until noon, but you have to fight that urge. Please trust me on this. When you do finally land a job, early hours won’t be as much of a shock. 

Networking will not necessarily save you. I had people working in my favor inside many different companies and it came to nothing. The job that I landed (and love) was a hire where I had no referral or contact. People like to hype up networking as the key to success, and I’m sure it is - once you’re in the industry. Networking works for some people, but I don’t believe it should be your focus or concentration. (This of course varies by what your career path is.) It’s all about volume: apply, apply, apply, apply. And then apply again.

Most of the time, you’re not going to hear back from an employer after you apply. That’s how it is now.

Don’t be ashamed to file for unemployment. These resources are there for a reason. You might as well take the opportunities (the few that are left) that the government has to offer. If you are actively trying to look for a job but cannot get one, there is no shame in asking for help from the people you pay taxes to and who in return provide services for people in need. The social contract goes both ways.

Be prepared for group interviews. These are happening more and more now. 75% of my interviews were with 2 or more people. Don’t let it put you off. In some ways, it’s easier to have a conversation when there are more voices in the room, and they are usually there to gauge chemistry more than they are to grill you (in my experience). And while I’m on the subject of interviews: cliche questions still occur, but many questions related to my experience and real-life scenarios on the job or in life. They want examples - times you stepped up, times where you might have failed but bounced back, times you showed leadership. Have stories ready. Yes, sometimes I’d get an occasional “What’s your favorite hobby?” or “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” and you should have answers ready for those. But lately the trend is about showing them you are a good fit for the job, rather than summing yourself up in three words.

It’s really hard to get a government job. They take forever to get back to you. They typically hire internally. It sucks. USAJOBS is a pain. You should know this ahead of time.

There will be bad days. There will be bad weeks. There might be bad months. Keep applying.

You will be tested. Quite literally. For almost every job that I got a response from, I was required to take further action, and sometimes in multiple phases, before an interview was even set up. Companies are being really choosy right now because they know they can. It’s disheartening, but it’s best if you are rid of the illusion that you stop taking tests after college. I had to take actual exams, write multiple-page projects, do short quizzes, come up with proposal ideas, and fill out interview questions all before I spoke to someone. It’s frustrating but also the reality that I faced.

Sometimes you have to play the game. You should get a LinkedIn account and monitor your social media. Employers do want to see an online presence of some kind. LinkedIn is a “respectable” way of doing it, and keeping your social accounts relatively clean is the best way to go. (Coded language for “hide your tumblr”? Perhaps.)

A lot of the time, rejection really isn’t that personal. There are so many other factors at play. It’s almost impossible to believe that, and a part of me still feels that it is personal, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever think otherwise, but I know logically that isn’t true. I have heard from hiring managers and HR people that job listings have to be posted even if the vacancy is planned from the start to be filled internally. This. Happens. Too. Often. To. Count. Also, the job market is FLOODED. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s rough. It really is. The competition is fierce. It isn’t necessarily about you. But it still stings.

Try not to beat yourself up if there are days where you don’t apply for jobs. No one is perfect. You can have a break. Binge watch Orphan Black but come back to your search. Don’t follow the rabbit too far.

Don’t follow a resume template. This is a tough one and hard to really delve into in this setting, as it is so unique to every person. It takes work and oftentimes a guiding hand to get a great resume. I’ve had multiple hiring managers and a career counselor tell me that when they see a cover letter that looks different from the rest, they are immediately interested. Use segments, boxes, and graphics rather than a linear, wordy timeline of your employment and education history. You’re more likely to get interviews if you use a narrative rather than bullet points and facts. Describe your experience and accomplishments in concise, substantive language (no filler!), and highlight your technological and practical skill set in a section all its own. (Computer programs/coding, web design, media production, and writing/communication are all good things to emphasize if they apply to you.)

Use your college resources: your professors. I got a freelance research project from a professor I had a deep connection with, and used others as a support system during hard times. Some places have good Career Centers (mine didn’t), and others have alumni or honor society job networks. I personally don’t have any experience with those so I don’t know how effective they are, but I can attest that bonding and having communication with various professors in your field is psychologically and sometimes monetarily rewarding, and might help more than you think in the short and long term. There’s more incentive than a good grade when it comes to befriending your teacher.

Don’t stay in the house for longer than three days at a time. It’s obviously not a hard and fast rule, but things got really tough for me after that length of time without either being in the light or being around people. It might be really hard, but try to get out at least every few days in some capacity. Long-term unemployment is rife with apathy and entropy, and succumbing is not difficult in that environment. If you can, get out.

My best experiences came from Craigslist. Real, legitimate corporations advertise there, and I got many interviews from respectable places via Craigslist. I highly recommend it. I ended up getting my current job, however, through its website (I work at a theatre). I also got some responses that way, too: going to the websites of individual places you want to work and browsing their Employment section. Also, consider freelancing, package delivery, tutoring, substitute teaching, and other part-time gigs while you look for something permanent and full-time.

In between applying for jobs (which itself should be your full-time job), read that long book series you’ve been wanting to get to forever. Start - and finish - that cleaning project you’ve been putting off for years. Go through your home and donate anything you don’t need to Goodwill or local homeless/battered women shelters. Write that poem or novel that’s been in your head for a decade. Go for the 7-minute mile. If there’s something that’s been on your mind, now is the time to do it. Create. Organize. Contribute.

[ Also if you got this far, thank you for reading!! ]

© Lauren Magnussen, 2017