#and figured out Griz would be the choice

[per-the-jellicle-magician]

Find me someone reacting less to Griz getting touched, I dare you

Munk got a whole ass psychic hit when it happened and then there's Misto

So I'm guessing Misto either violently doesn't give a single fuck or just like Old D he knew already that it would happen or smth

[alumnusofheavenandhell]

Hey! I know like nothing about cats the musical or whatever but woah!!! youve really piqued my interest with that bigtop burger post and i was wondering if you maybe had more thoughts about it maybe youd like to share :0

- from a shy bigtop burgy fan who really really likes to speculate and obsess on lore for characters and basically anything at all that hints at an interesting backstory

So!

Unless something really unexpected is going on, we know for a fact that Steve played Old Deuteronomy on Broadway, since it's mentioned in "Up" and we can see it in his flashback in "Kid." He's singing The Moments of Happiness and wearing Deut's signature big fluffy suit and wig.

Side note - the other actors in that flashback might also be clowns? They have vertical lines across their eyes and round noses just like Steve. Although, this episode was before the reveal that Steve is a Real Clown while his employees are not, so maybe it's just stylization, but I choose to believe it Means Something.

Steve and Old Deut also share some characteristics. They're both leaders of their respective groups (Bigtop Burger and the Jellicle Cats), and are both sort of mysterious but loving fatherly figures who possess otherworldly powers. Steve has his… clown mischief (horsepiss) going on, and Old Deut has the power to make the Jellicle Choice and escort the chosen cat to the Heaviside Layer to be reborn. Steve is generally much more chaotic and active than Old Deut, who is more subdued but also has a very forceful presence.

However, if I were to cast Cesare in Cats, Old Deut would probably be my last choice for him, which is why I don't think he's the one who replaced Steve unless there was some serious trickery going on. Thematically, you could connect him to Macavity (an adversary to the Jellicles who attacks them and kidnaps Deuteronomy, also has magic powers… Macavity is said to have broken every human law, so maybe at some point he sold rocks as food? And obviously his hench-cats could be described as "friends in low places") But as I said in my previous post, you could also make a lot of connections to Grizabella.

Readmore because this got pretty long:

They both frequent derelict places:

In old Venezia I made my trade Selling marionettes in my ramshackle place

She haunted many a low resort Near the grimy road of Tottenham Court

They've both been alone:

I wasn't missed or mourned, my body never found

Grizabella is rejected and outcast by the Jellicles, and when she comes back, those that try to reach out to her are quickly pulled away. Perhaps some do miss or mourn her, but this loneliness is a big part of her role in the show.

Again, something I mentioned in my other post:

I was chosen for a second chance at life

The Jellicle leader will soon appear And make what is known as the Jellicle Choice… Announces the cat who can now be reborn And come back to a different Jellicle life

(Spoilers (honestly you can't really spoil Cats, the plot is absolutely not the focus): Grizabella is chosen to be reborn)

And a bit looser of a connection:

Oh, just another one in a long line of no ones

In Memory, Griz sings, "I can smile at the old days, I was beautiful then." We don't know very much about Grizabella's past, so she's not necessarily from a "long line of no ones." And she wasn't always a no one herself, in fact, she used to be "beautiful" and popular. But by the time the show takes place, she's so downtrodden that she's nearly unrecognizable as the star she used to be - "Who would ever suppose that that was Grizabella, the glamor cat?"

You can probably tell that I don't think this is an intentional, 1 to 1 reference (notably, Grizabella doesn't really have any strange powers or dark connections), but it's fun to think about! And I really appreciate how Worthikids has obviously seen Cats and is very thoughtful when referencing it (unlike other media which tends to be lazy with theatre references, usually boiling down to "haha isn't theatre weird?")

Also we call productions of Cats that deviate from the standard costumes, set, choreography, etc. "non-replica," and honestly I would love to see a non-replica production where all the cats also work in food trucks. Bustopher Jones is a food truck connoisseur. Skimbleshanks has an entire food train, why not.

[shy-magpie]

Roman Rogues Sidequest 1

Live blog under the cut

I have surprisingly little to say going into this, mainly because I have no fear or concerns.  We are going to meet Sasha's kids! Lydia is GMing! We get to have James without Bertie! It was intended for Patreon so its not going to have anything arc changing, and I trust them not to sour Sasha's ending. So I'm thinking fluff with feels over Sasha being to these kids what she needed someone to be to her. It sounds on every level like a pure gift.

Lets hit play then!

Lydia in the big chair! Ee talk about James's baby! First time Helen & James are working together!

"That she was lucky enough to find" I love that description, she isn't their rescuer, she was lucky to find them.

I love this place, it sounds so safe and lovely. It even has surrounding hills so Sasha's agoraphobia isn't set off. They are doing acrobatics shows so they can practice rogue skills for something fun and non violent.

Old!Sasha, my stabby girl who didn't like to think about the future and placed far too much of her value on being a good tool, is old, limping and happy!

Ah Alex is third person, he cares.

No, hard to workshop their characters? This team, with not only their usual care in their characters but being Sasha's kids? Don't see how they'd stress over getting that perfect at all/s

Helen is Wilde! Wilde stole a love letter from Bryn's character!

Gosh I love listening to these guys goof around.

Bryn is Griz, and he gets no respect even after his growth spurt. (is it cheating to speculate on if we see signs of him turning into the cleric of Opis that Sasha mentioned in her letter?)

James still makes the most awful jokes.

Alex is Azus, the youngest and a trouble maker who hides behind a sweet manner. Why am I surprised? Also Bryn's Griz is 15 (say that 3 times fast)

I love these dynamics

Hamidus? James is playing Hamid's name sake. Age 14 and a hipster.

Aw Sasha tells them she is proud of them freely and often. Griz is a tattle and Amidus is a twerp.

Throwable!

Security work? They are going to steal a statue with permission as a test.

They made Bryn play the tall one!

Wilde is a teacher's pet.

Sasha is teaching them so well.

Poor Lydia is learning to talk over them when they act up.

Ok no active guards!

Wilde and Griz are supporting each other

Don't kill any guards, they have 1 knock out potion each.

Alex thinks sideways (or rather more straight forward than most people) and I love it. His first plans are to ask for it and when that is ruled out he wants to smash it. His character (Azus) argues about whether it counts to return something they smashed.

Sasha charges Griz with herding these cats. Poor Lydia seems to have missed she gave them a license to play up as much as they wanted.

Alex[Azus] wants to sneak in using what I think amounts to the vents. Rolls too poorly to know if it's viable.

Bryn[Griz] checks windows.

Helen[Wilde] wants to know how many people there are and where.

Wait is that gesture not used anymore? Wish there was a list somewhere to check for updates

Ok the family isn't around, just the staff.

James[Amidus] is actually behaving and looks for entrance to the servants areas.

Griz is a good little leader.

Lydia is using flashbacks very effectively to retroactively herd them.

Break

Tree climbing time

Griz is helping everyone up the tree.

Azus has trouble getting up, Griz helps.

The poor rolls work with the farce tone.

Gravity remains the biggest enemy in RQG.

Ah Griz is helping his siblings and praises Wilde even though Wilde stepped on his head to get in.

Griz gives up and yeets Azus through the window into the arms of their siblings.

They are in a storage room full of laundry because Lydia is trying to help them as much as she can.

Azus is sulking but helps.

Poor Griz herds them along and makes sure they have a sheet rope to use in the exit.

I am physically incapable of paying attention to the bickering beyond amusement and sympathy for Sasha & Griz.

I should have known Alex rolls two dice for a better noise, he has that attention to detail.

Weird mirror, magic?

Amidus pops his zit in the magic mirror to test it.

Azus is trying to catch the reflection by surprise.

Wilde wants to get the mirror off the wall. They unscrew it.

No one is closing their eyes and letting Azus do what they want.

Amidus knocks on the mirror and asks to be let in. This finally gets a real reaction from the reflection so Alex might have been on the right track the whole time.

Azus tries to threaten the reflection.

Oh it only reflects one person at a time.

Azus threatens to stab his brother so the reflect would be stabbed

Griz asks about the reflection's job.

Wilde is playing his(?) whistle and my mind is just a loop of "baby bard!". Hamidus joins in.

The reflection gives them a clue "it reflects what they do".

Azus offers to point it out the window

Poor Lydia is questioning both the puzzle and her life choices.

Azus is stuck on the idea of stabbing a sibling.

They finally figure out that they just need to step to the side then let the others through first.

I am feeling so soft, these are great kids, played like more like actual kids than the idealized talking pets you get in some shows, and they bicker but care about each other and Sasha is raising them right and and and I am so glad its on the public feed so I can talk about it!

[uppastthejelliclemoon]

(Psst, it's Camille, hello!) I have a wonderfully angsty blurb/prompt for you: Hestia and Jubilee finally meeting Grizabella during the Jellicle Ball! How does Hestia react to seeing her Gran for the first time? And, what about her uncle and fathers? It's not a very...happy reunion, I can imagine. I can also see Jubilee acting withdrawn, even hostile towards Griz, since Griz abandoned her family just like Jubilee's mother abandoned her all those years go :(

@queencurlycrown HI FRIEND!!!

HERE IS THE ANGST!

The Jellicle Ball was in full swing.

Hestia and Jubilee were dancing with Jemima along to Tugger’s song, giggling over Mistoffelees’ exasperation towards his mate as he stood beside his daughter. Tugger sent a wink towards the trio of queens, “his girls”, as he liked to call them, and he blew a kiss towards Mistoffelees, who simply rolled his eyes. 

Then, the music to Tugger’s song stopped, transforming into something darker and sadder. Something that had a deep pain to it. 

Tugger’s eyes narrowed, and he pointed towards the edge of the Junkyard, near to where Hestia, Jubilee, and Jemima were sitting, and the queens turned, seeing an old, tattered, scarred queen approaching them.

Mistoffelees moved in front of them almost immediately as the queen reached towards them. She flinched back at the harshness in Mistoffelees’ eyes, and moved further into the main stage area. Tugger flicked his mane angrily and moved around the perimeter, looking around suspiciously. 

Hestia pressed against her papa’s leg, looking up at him. “Who is she?”

“Grizabella.” Mistoffelees said shortly, and Jubilee’s eyes widened. 

“Your mother?” She whispered, and the magical cat nodded. Jubilee tensed, watching as the old glamour cat tried to reach towards some of the Jellicles, most of whom flinched back or hissed at her.

Hestia watched her grandmother, unsure of what to feel. She pitied Grizabella, absolutely. She was past her prime, weak, and obviously near the end of her time. At the same time, however, Hestia was angry. She was angry at the queen for hurting her father, her uncle, and her grandfather. She knew that it was Grizabella’s departure that led to Macavity’s breakdown, which in turn caused the scars on her dad’s shoulder and the constant attacks on the tribe. 

While Hestia was deep in thought, Jubilee noticed Grizabella moving back towards their small group, her eyes locked on Hestia as she began to reach out. Jubilee immediately moved in front of her friend protectively, lashing out at the old queen with her claws. 

“Don’t touch her.” she hissed, and Grizabella flinched back as Munkustrap moved forward, giving Jubilee a stern look. 

Hestia took Jubilee’s arm comfortingly, slightly shaken and not sure at all what to feel. “It’s okay, Jojo.”

It was then that Grizabella began to sing, a haunting and dreary tune that gave the younger Jellicles chills. While she was singing, Tugger appeared beside his mate, and Hestia instantly wound around his legs, purring comfortingly. Tugger knelt down, pulling her into a hug and kissing her forehead. 

“Are you okay, kittens?” he asked, looking from his daughter to Jubilee. Jemima had moved closer, blocked by Jellylorum, watching Grizabella with curiosity in her eyes. 

Hestia nodded. “We’re okay, Dad. Are you and Uncle Straps okay?” Tugger sighed, putting an arm around Jubilee as she moved closer. 

“I’m not sure, kitten.” he replied softly. 

“Why did she come back here?” Jubilee asked as Demeter began to sing. “She doesn’t deserve forgiveness, and she doesn’t deserve anyone’s pity!” 

“I honestly do not know, Jojo.” he told her, a sad tone to his voice that had Hestia snuggling closer and nuzzling against his mane.

They’d figure out what to do with Grizabella.

But for now, it was time to welcome Bustopher, and his presence in the Junkyard was always a pleasure, and it would be a welcome distraction from Grizabella’s sudden arrival.

However, the glamour cat’s appearance would remain in Hestia and Jubilee’s minds throughout the night, until the final moment, when the Jellicle Choice would be made.

[rayalltheway]

Six the Musical Queens casted as Cats Queens

So I could be wrong, but to my knowledge even though there’s some Cats stuff mentioning Six, no one else has done a cast list of which of our beautiful, strong, independent queen cats would play our beautiful, strong, independent Six Queens. So for complete self-indulgement, I did so myself. I also hope some others will find my casting interesting and/or agreeable. Heads up, this is all pretty word heavy, so prepare for some overly-thought about character connections which I strung together for fun.

(Also who King Henry is represented by is up for interpretation- the obvious answer would be Macavity, getting ragged on by all the queens he’s hurt/controlled,  but since King Henry doesn’t have an actual role in the musical, he could be a representation of anyone or anything to the various Queen cats here. You decide.)

Bombalurina as Catherine of Aragon

This didn’t reallly feel like a hard choice to make. Bombalurina, like Catherine, has a very strong, stubborn sense of pride in herself and her position(ie. a Head Queen in the Jellicle Tribe). She’s deeply devoted to her role, and in the same way that Catherine treats the notion of annulment as an insult to all the years she’s put into being Henry’s wife and the Queen, Bomba clearly does not take well being treated as a side piece or having her powerful, sexy queenliness being compromised, hence how visibly angry she was when Tugger rejected/embarrassed her in front of the whole tribe during his big showoff session.

Griddlebone as Anne Boylen

I chose Griddlebone mainly cuz both she and Anne Boylen bith built themselves up an infamous repertoire during their respective spotlights - in Boylen’s story, her fame comes from throwing England into political upheaval, lead to the country to break from the Church, ending in bloody drama, simply but having an affair with the king…kinda like the same way Griddlebone became an infamous figure to the Jellicles. A femme fatale who, in seducing Growltiger, ending up instigating chaos in that story, and while wether all this was intentional on her part is debatable, she left her mark. Griddlebone and Boylen also certainly seem to share a self-absorbed energy, not really caring for the consequences of their actions and simply living for the thrill. At least, until it negatively impacts her.

Victoria as Jane Seymour

For a while I didn’t know who to put here. I could of gone with Griz, cuz of how ballady this song is and Grizabella is all about that - but certain things didn’t click into place. In the end, I felt Victoria fitted the best, even if more with the themes than the story. With Seymour feeling the strongest commitment, and her song being the kindest and most heartfelt of the Queen’s respective numbers - she is the heart of the pop band in the same way Victoria seems to represent the heart of the Jellicle tribe. The musical shows her as the highlight of the Jellicle ball, finding a mate, and extending the collective love of the Jellicles to Grizabella as the first to touch her. And this casting works well for 2019 movie!Victoria too, with her being accepted in the tribe and coming to be lovingly devoted to her new family.

Cassandra as Anna of Cleaves

Just a complete no brainer here. Cassandra and Anna of Cleaves are both the cool, confident diva with minimal issues keeping them from living their best life, and the entire energy of ‘Get Down’ is something Cass could pull off elegantly.

Grizabella as Katherine Howard

Kinda odd pick here, but let me explain. It’s clear that Grizabella is far outside the range of youthfulness and lacks the upbeat pop-star energy that Howard flaunts - I didn’t want to pick one of the sweet, innocent kittens for this, I would really feel that…and yes, there isn’t anything clear in the 2019 movie or 1998 film that makes them match…But then I considered what Howard went trough, and honestly, if I had to pick the Queen that had the most shitty, saddest life, I’d go with her. It certainly fits Griz’s implied backstory, how she was glamorous, but was been slowly weathered by hardship and trauma. Let’s just say Grizabella portraying Howard is a younger version - a beautiful, talented girl looking for love and glory and happiness, but she ends up susceptible to dark influences, and being used and abused. (In that sense, Demeter could also work as Howard, but I already knew what role I wanted Deme to fill…)

Demeter as Catherine Parr

Fairly obvious, and just the best choice in my opinion. Albeit the decision is mostly based off common fanon, but whatevs. Catherine is ‘the one who survived’, and Demeter’s definitely a survivor is her own right - whereas Parr saw King Henry to the end of his life and made it out when he died, Demeter escaped from Macavity’s abusive clutches. But more importantly, much like Parr, it’s clear Deme doesn’t want to be tied down or defined by her previous relationship with a toxic man. She wants to enjoy the Jellicle Ball and be happy with her newfound family, but Macavity’s presence is forever a shadow over her, and often defines her very character. I mean, how much focus do we give Demeter that doesn’t involve mentioning her evil ex at least once? Do we ever really talk about who Demeter really is outside of the brokeness instilled in her by her past abuse? Demeter deserves a power song about how she’s a strong, independent queen who don’t need nobody to validate her - and empowering the other queens to feel the same.

[thicctransboi]

The Protector (Sam+Grizz)

Prompt- If new ham had never happened, another AU

Friday

Grizz watched Sam from across the classroom, his eyes going between his interpreter and the teacher, who was explaining today's assignment in their Anatomy class. Grizz studied the slightly younger boy, only one grad below himself, yet was in a senior Anatomy class. 'He must be smart.' Grizz thought to himself as he observed Sam. He had been doing this for three years now; quietly observing Sam from a distance, yet never approaching him. He noticed him in middle school too, and elementary. He was hard to miss; stark ginger hair, bright blue eyes, and an interpreter always following him.

Grizz had come to the conclusion that he was gay his freshman year of high school. He had tried to deny it for years; dating girls, making out with them, even watching porn with his teammates after practices. But, early on, he knew. As did his mother, who knew even before he did. Signing him up for pee wee football when she noticed how much he loved tap-dancing. He missed dancing, in all honesty. But he knew his friends wouldn't approve, let alone anyone in this small town. Grizz had had one girlfriend, and three very unsuccessful hookups. All with girls. But he had been pinning after the deaf gay boy in school since he laid his freshly opened queer eyes on him sophomore year.

He hated the way people treated him, which is why he had yet to come out. Sam was the only out gay guy in all of West Ham high school, and he was ostrosized for it. While Grizz never took part in the hazing, he always felt guilty for never standing up to his friends, or to anyone. He knew he held some power in high school, being an athlete and in the honors program, he could easily put a stop to at least a third of Sam's bullies, but he was worried about what it would imply on his part if he were to do so. Sometimes, he hated his friends. He hated how small their brains could be, how closed minded they were. The only one who could sometimes redeem himself was Luke. Luke never took much part in the hazing of the 'bottom' of the food chain of West Ham, but he didn't stop it either. Luke was a good guy, but, wasn't one to speak his mind. Grizz, however, was. He was opinionated and could be outspoken quite often, he just didn't want to be outed. He wasn't ready. Grizz planned to come out in college, like most do. Finally experiment and find himself fully. Most of all, however, he planned to leave all of his friends behind, never speak to them again. He wanted to start fresh next year at University, a new Grizz. Maybe even drop the nickname and go by his birth name, Gareth. But there was one problem; Sam.

Leaving West Ham behind would mean leaving Sam behind, and he wasn't sure if he wanted that. Despite never having talked to the boy, he still wanted to. He didn't want to miss any opportunity. He also didn't want Sam to feel defenseless. He noticed how he only ever talked to one person, only one student had ever bothered to learn sign language and become his friend; Becca Gelb. Becca was a spunky girl, olive skin, with a radiant smile and an attitude to boot. She was extremely outspoken, and was always at Sam's side. They were the same age, but he knew Sam must feel lonely at the same time. The same way Grizz did; they were both single. Or, so Grizz assumed. Being the only out gay guy around must be difficult, as well as only having one friend. Sam had a brother, of course, Campbell. But, Campbell wasn't a good brother by any means, nor a good person. The kid always creeped Grizz out; the way he lurked around, his eyes ripping through everyone's soul. His vibe wasn't one Grizz enjoyed feeling. Rumor had it around school that the bruises Sam would wear occasionally were from Campbell, and Grizz wouldn't doubt that for a second. He had seen them interact, Sam always looked petrified. Campbell loved to use the word 'fag' and 'retard' when talking to Sam, which made Grizz's blood boil. Yet, he stayed quiet.

He wanted some excuse to talk to Sam, some excuse to be his friend without people becoming suspicious. That's when the bell rang, singling the end of class, causing Grizz to snap out of his trance. As he gathered his things, he heard the teacher, Mrs. Johnson, calling his name.

"Grizz, could you come up here for a moment? I have a favor to ask you."

Grizz gave her a smile and a nod. He had always been sorta a kiss-ass when it came to teachers. But, he was also raised to be polite. Or at least that was the excuse he gave to his friends.

He made his way to Mrs. Johnson's desk. "Hey, Mrs. J. What's up?"

Mrs. Johnson was a younger woman, she wore her long brown hair in a tightly pulled low pony tail, and her glasses always sat on the edge of her nose as if they didn't fit. "I had a favor to ask you, Grizz. I know you're busy, what with it being your senior year and all. But, I know football season just ended and you were the only person in this class I felt would be wiling and capable of doing this for me. You know Sam Eliot, right?" Grizz nodded, "Well, he's having some difficulties with the terminology and vocabulary for this class. He's been struggling quite a bit with the tests and quizzes. I was wondering if you'd be willing to help him out? After school? I know it's a lot to ask but his parents have offered to pay if need be. But, the school has no tutors who are willing nor available this last minute, and the midterm is in two months. You're my top student, I know you're more than capable. Would you be willing to help him out, Grizz?"

Yes! Grizz thought. The perfect excuse. "Sure, Mrs. J. Like you said, the season's over and I have spare time after school. But, I don't know sign language."

Mrs. Johnson gave a wave of dismissal, "Sam can read lips very well, and he speaks. Just make sure to speak clearly and use diction and it'll work out just fine. Let me get him up here.."

Grizz felt his heart rate accelarating as Mrs. J waved over Sam and his Interpreter. Grizz felt his breathing catch in his throat as Sam approached the desk, his eyes meeting Grizz's.

"Sam, I found you a tutor for my class! Have you met Grizz?"

Grizz watched as Sam's eyes watched Mrs. J's lips before shaking his head. "I know him, but we haven't talked." He stated bluntly. Grizz could honestly say that he had never heard Sam speak, but something about the way his lips moved as he formulated words he had never heard fascinated him.

"Well, Grizz here said he's more than willing to help you out, he's at the top of the class, and not just mine. He's got the second highest test scores in the entire senior class! He's available if you're comfortable."

Sam nodded hesitantly, glancing at Grizz nervously before speaking directly to him, "It won't be easy, I don't speak very well. But I do read lips, you just need to speak slowly."

Grizz felt his heart swell and found himself speaking before thinking, "You speak perfectly."

He felt himself go red, but felt relieved when he saw Sam's face soften.

Mrs. Johnson spoke up, "Perfect! Grizz, write down your number for Sam, and Sam will you do the same? You two can figure out times and places to meet. And, Grizz, I will email you all of the information you'll need."

Grizz watched as Sam's eyes went between his interpreter, who's name Grizz wasn't sure of, and Mrs. J before nodding, taking a sticky note from her hand and a pen, writing down his phone number. Grizz did the same, his hands shaking.

"I'll text you?" Sam said, handing him the sticky note, his finger's brushing against Grizz's palm, making goosebumps rise in their wake.

Griz gave a stiff nod and watched as Sam and his interpreter left, Becca Gelb waiting in the doorway for him.

"Thank you Grizz, you have no idea how hard it's been trying to find someone to help him out. He's really intelligent. But, there's so many terms that have to be interpreted to him that I think it's too fast. And no tutors in the area know sign language, and the ones at the school well... Between you and me, are very closed minded. They refuse to work with the 'deaf gay kid.' I knew I made a good choice picking you, you know. You're wise beyond your years. Have a good day, Grizz."

*** Friday Evening

Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday were the day's they had agreed to meet for tutoring. Directly after school on the weekdays for two hours, and from noon to 3 on Sunday.  During the week, Sam's house. On Sunday, at Grizz's house. Grizz had two days until he would be having Sam over, and he was busy reading away in the library at Sign Language books. He wasn't sure exactly why he was trying to learn Sam's language, Sam could read lips. But, for some reason, he wanted to. He wanted to impress him. The problem was, the library only had one sign language book, and it was BSL. He figured that sence British and American's both spoke English, that they were the same. He had been studying all afternoon after school trying to read as much as possible, choosing the library in knowing that The Guard wouldn't be caught dead here. He probably looked crazy, making random hand gestures in a desolate corner of the Library, but he didn't care. He was determined to learn Sam's language. He felt a tapping on his shoulder. Looking up, he saw one of the librarians towering over him.

"We close in five minutes. Would you like to check out that book? Take it home to practice?"

Grizz nodded, sighing at  the thought of trying to practice without his parents noticing.

As he checked out his book and began his decent home, his phone buzzed. It was a text from Clark.

From Clark: Hey Bud! Friday night game night, remember? Where u at?"

Grizz mentally slapped himself. Of course, how could he forget. Every friday once football season ended, they Guard had a video game night.

To Clark: Shit sorry, was studying, be there in 15.

In truth, Grizz didn't want to go to game night tonight. He wanted to keep practicing his sign language, or even text Sam. They had each other's number's now, but he had no idea how to casually start a conversation with the boy. Nonetheless, he headed to Clark's house.

The Guard all sat in Clark's basement: The flatscreen displaying COD, beer bottles cracked open, and bags of chips scattered here and there. The group of teammates sat on the sectional. Grizz had opted out of this round, simply sipping his beer in silence and lost in thought. He was thinking of Sam, and how he would explain not being able to hang out to his friends. In that moment, part of Clark and Jason's conversation caught his attention.

"Yo, Clark, did you see what that deaf kid was wearing today? Those tight ass red pants? Talk about asking for it."

Clark laughed, "Yeah, he's screaming, 'im gay' more and more ever since his freshman year. It's like he's not even trying to hide it."

Jason laughed as well, rather obnoxiously adding, "Did you see what Campbell did? He knocked his lunch tray on him, getting food all over the little retard. The kid may be sick, but he sure can make lunch interesting."

Grizz felt his jaw clench. But he stayed quiet.

***

Saturday night

Sam sat in his living room, Becca sitting across from him on the sectional. They had been watching MTV and scrolling through instagram together for a few hours now. Their usual Saturday night routine.

"By the way, did they ever find someone to help you in anatomy?" Becca signed, "I tried but failed."

She was right, Becca had tried helping Sam, but it had been unsuccessful. He usually did her homework for her, after all.

"Yeah, you know that kid Grizz? He said he'd help. I'm going to his place tomorrow."

Becca's eyes lit up, "What? Grizz? As in the star football player, poetry reading, highly intelligent, totally dreamy eyed Grizz? That one?"

Sam chuckled, "That's the one. He offered to help apparently, Mrs. Johnson asked him and he said he would."

Becca had a mischievous look on her face, "You lucky asshole! You're going to be in his house? Possibly in his bed."

Sam held up a hand to silence his raunchy friend, "You're looking into this way too much." He signed bluntly. "Besides, he's not that dreamy. He's one of 'The Guard', remember? They're all assholes."

Becca sighed, "Yeah, but he's never picked on you, or even joined in their laughter. He actually has a brain, which is surprising considering how much pot that kid smokes."

Sam rolled his eyes, "But he always stays quiet, it's just as bad as if he were to join in. I don't know, I feel like he's got some sinister plan here."

"You never know," Becca began, "Give it a shot. But, it's late, I should probably be going. Are you sure you don't want to stay over?"

"I'm sure. Campbell is out tonight." Sam said, giving Becca a reassuring smile.

She rose from her spot, grabbing her book bag and phone, "Alright, text me. I love you." She signed, giving Sam a hug.

"Love you too."

After Becca left, Sam sat in silence for awhile. Lost in thought. He had always noticed Grizz, that was for sure. Grizz always spoke up in class, always chiming in on the discussions. In both English, which they had together, and anatomy. Eventualy, out of curiosity, Sam had his interpreter tell him what Grizz would say. The guy was smart, Sam had to give him that. He wasn't like most of the football guys, Becca was right on that part. He had a brain, nice fashion sence as well compared to the rest of them. He wasn't overly jacked either, he was built yet lean. Admittedly, he was Sam's type physically. He often noticed how Grizz would be watching him. His eyes always lingering. He probably feels bad for me, Sam thought. He hated that, people feeling sorry for him. He didn't see being deaf as a dissability, he saw it as a special ability. If only the world had seen it that way.

Sam was pulled away from his thoughts when he felt the floorboards vibrate, forcing him to glance over at the front door. There stood Campbell in the doorway, his eyes bloodshot and dilated, his skin ashen. He was high, again. Sam decided he didn't feel like dealing with his inebriated brother tonight, rising from the couch and attempting to slip past Campbell to get to the stairs. But, Campbell stopped him, his fingers digging into Sam's wrist as he yanked him forward to look him in the eyes.

"Not so fast, Fag. Where do you think you're going?" Campbell slurred, his lips hardly readable due to his intoxication.

"To bed, Campbell." Sam said, attempting to pull away from his older brother's grasp. His grip only tightened, "You're hurting me, let go!"

Campbell only laughed, dropping Sam's wrist only for a moment before taking a swing into the younger boy's ribs, making Sam double over slightly in pain.

"Remember your place. Don't even think about telling Mom or Dad about this, either, you know this will only get worse if you do so."

His gaze caught Sam's; his blood shot eyes burning with a sickening darkness. He smirked as Sam decended up the stairs, gripping his side.

***

Sunday

Grizz had woken up early this morning, cleaning his room spotless before church. Throughout the service, he found it difficult to concentrate on the pastor's words, his mind drifting to having Sam over today. It made his heart beat vastly in excitement. Once he arrived home, he only had 30 minutes until Sam would be here. He double checked his room, the entire house, and his appearance. He had decided to have them study in his room; he knew his nosy mother would ask too many questions. Plus, she knew about Sam. Their paster once had had the congregation pray over him, attempting to heal him of his deafness and his 'eternal sickness', which was code for him being gay. He didn't need her to ask any questions. Grizz took off his tie, attempting to look less formal like he had at church. It was early march, and surprisingly warm for this time of year in New England. So, he settled for a simple light hoodie, skinny jeans, and his vans. He wore his hair down for once, not in his usual top knot. Grizz heard his phone chime. Taking it out of his pocket, it was a text from Sam informing him that he had arrived. Shit, Grizz thought. He had totally lost track of time. After sending him a quick 'be right down' reply, he checked his hair once again before bolting down the stairs. He let out a shaky breath before opening the front door.

Sam stood there before him, wearing a simple brown jacket, red shirt, and jeans. And yet, he looked stunning to Grizz. "Hey, come on in." Grizz greased, forcing an awkward smile as he stood aside to let Sam walk in. He caught a whiff of Sam's cologne as he walked past him, it smelt earthy. Grizz felt his insides churn at the scent. He decided rather quickly that he liked it. Sam glanced around the entry way to Grizz's house.

"Nice place." Sam complimented, his eyes glancing around.

"Gareth? Who's there?" He heard his mother call. Oh god, here we go.

Grizz's mother appeared in the entry way to the kitchen, both boys turning to her. Grizz definitely got his looks from his mother, Sam thought. Long chocolate brown hair, dark brown eyes, an angular heart shaped face and full lips. Hers, however, were painted a deep red, her hair, which was now greying, pulled back in a loose bun. She was still dressed in her Sunday best, a yellow flower printed sun dress with a white cardigan.

"Oh! Hello! I'm Amanda, Gareth's mother." She greeted, extending a hand out to Sam along with an award winning smile.

Sam shook it before replying, he signed along with his words. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Sam Eliot. I have anatomy with Grizz, oh erm.. Gareth I mean. He's helping me study for the midterm.

Grizz's mother looked slightly shocked at the realization of who was standing in her home, but disguised it quickly. "Oh how nice! Well, you're welcome here anytime Sam." She said, speaking louder than before, making Grizz cringe at her ignorance.

"Okay!" Grizz announced, clapping his hands and grabbing both of their attentions, "We're going to study now! Catcha later mom." Grizz said, motioning for Sam to follow him down the hall to his bedroom.

*** Sunday, 1:20pm

Grizz had embarrassed himself, so, so badly. He had tried to impress Sam with what little sign language he had picked up from that damn book from the library, only to realize that he had learned a completely wrong form of sign language.

"What? What's so funny?" Grizz asked after signing to Sam and showing him the book he had used.

"That's BSL, I use ASL."

Grizz mentally slapped himself, "They're different? Oh come on man! It's the only book they had at the library."

Sam laughed again. "Why are you trying to learn sign language? Are you planning on going deaf anytime soon?"

Grizz scoffed, "No," He began in a sarcastic tone, "I wanted to be able to talk to you."

Sam cocked his head to the side, "I can read lips?"

"I know" Grizz began, "But I wanted to be able to talk to you, you know, in your language."

Grizz looked down sheepishly. Sam took notice, feeling his heart warm at Grizz's kind gesture. "Oh." He said in a moment of shock.

"Apparently, I failed though." Grizz said, laughing slightly.

"How about this? You help me with my anatomy terms, and I teach you some sign language? Fair trade?"

Grizz felt his heart skip a beat, "Deal."

***

An hour later

Grizz couldn't take his eyes off of it, he had noticed the markings when Sam had rolled up his sleeves as he was highlighting terms in his textbook. A million questions ran though Grizz's mind, but he felt he already knew the answer. The bruises on Sam's wrist were in the shape of a hand. Campbell. It made his heart break, and his blood boil all at the same time, but he decided not to prod, hardly knowing the kid after all. They had been studying for two hours, and Grizz suggested taking a break.

"Thank god." Sam had said, sitting up from his laying down on his stomach on Grizz's bed. Grizz liked the sight of this, Sam on his bed next to him.

"Want a drink or anything?" Grizz offered, "I have some soda and beers in my fridge over there." He made sure to speak slowly and clearly. He had gotten used to this new way of speaking after awhile of doing so.

"Soda is fine."

***

Thursday, two weeks later.

Grizz had grown to hate Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. But he had grown to love Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. One answer: Sam. He had discovered that they had a lot in common interest wise, and that they got along quite well. When they weren't studying anatomy, Sam was teaching Grizz to sign. Every spare moment Grizz had, he found himself watching ASL videos on youtube and practicing, even learning new ones to impress the younger boy. Sam liked plain cheeseburgers, hated mustard, he loved the color red, and hated the color orange. He was 17, a Leo, and loved sci fi movies and Harry Potter. He shared Grizz's love of poetry and plays, and enjoyed watching reality tv. He was hilarious, in a dry humor sort of way. He was also extremely patient and kind, despite how the world treated him. Grizz had grown to adore the kid even more now that he had gotten to know him. He had also managed to keep their newfound friendship a secret. Well, until recently. Today to be exact.

The Guard were sat in the cafeteria, all eating lunch and acting barbaric, while Grizz sat quietly texting Sam on his phone, ignoring his friends. Helena had joined their table, sitting next to her boyfriend Luke, shaming the other boys for their behavior and vulgar words. So, the normal. Except, everyone had taken notice to Grizz's lack of conversationalism.

"Grizz, you coming to game night tomorrow? You missed last week." Clark asked, tossing a grape in Grizz's direction.

"Can't, got plans." Grizz stated simply, not bothering to look up from his text conversation with Sam.

"Like what?" Jason chimed in, "This is the second week in a row, man! You never used to miss game night. What's up with you?"

Grizz sighed, trying to be vague as possible, "I'm tutoring. So, I can't."

"Tutoring who?" Clark asked.

Then Jason chimed in, "And who are you texting?"

Grizz glanced up towards Luke for help, but he was caught up talking to Helena.

He sighed, deciding enough was enough with the lying. Maybe being honest would get them off his back. "Sam Eliot. He's in my anatomy class, I'm helping him with the terminology."

Clark let out a laugh, "Oh god! They better be paying you, dude. Tutoring the retarded deaf kid is a huge load."

"I bet Sam is paying him alright, just with a different kind of load." Jason remarked with a smirk, earning a loud laugh from Clark.

"Oh fuck off!" Grizz said, trying to laugh it off and make it seem like no big deal, but his fuze was burning short with every rude comment they were making. "It's not hard, he's a smart kid, it's just a complicated class. His parent's are paying me to help, I figured why not."

"Be careful though man, he might rub off on you." Clark commented.

Grizz's jaw clinched, he met Clark's eyes, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just saying, he might spread some stupid on you, or even worse, you might start turning into a fag on us cause of him!"

"Hey! Shut the fuck up, Clark! Or I swear to god-"

Jason cut him off, placing a hand on Grizz's shoulder, "Easy man, we're just shooting the shit man."

Grizz shrugged off his hand, feeling his skin crawl. "Just drop it, I'm serious."

"Alright man, take it easy.. Oh look! The retard is looking over here! Think he has a crush on you Grizz?"

Grizz felt something in him snap as he found himself lunging at Clark, Luke holding him back.

"Shut the fuck up! Don't use that damn word, Clark, I swear to god. Look in the fucking mirror before you call someone else that." He spat. "Let go of me, Luke." He said, shrugging himself out of Luke's grasp, rising from his seat and heading towards the exit. He could feel a million eyes on him, but he ignored every glance except for one: Sam's. He felt his heart leap at the look on Sam's face, before he left the cafeteria.

Becca and Sam exchanged glances, "Did you catch any of that?" Sam asked.

Becca shook her head, "Only the last bit. Clark said something that pissed him off, and Grizz told him to look in the mirror? I wonder what that was supposed to mean?"

Sam shrugged.

***

Friday, After School, Sam's House

"Want to take a break? If I have to repeat the term 'sternum' one more time I might pass out from boredom." Sam said, placing down his flashcards. Grizz agreed, sitting up across from Sam on his bed.

"Sam, can I ask you something?" Grizz asked, signing a word here and there, speaking slowly.

Sam nodded.

"Were you born deaf?"

Sam shook his head, telling the story of how when he was two he caught meningitis and it caused him to loose his hearing. By the time he was 3, he had gone completely deaf.

"Wow, do you still remember hearing?" Grizz asked, genuinly interested. Impressed with himself that he remembered the sign for 'hearing'.

"I remember my dad's laugh, the way my mom would sing to me and Campbell." Sam said, "When I dream, I still dream in sound. But not new sounds."

"What would be a new sound?"

Sam thought for a moment, "My voice. I remember what it sounded like when I was little. But I imagine it's gotten a little deeper." He hesitated for a moment. "I wish I could hear yours."

Grizz felt his heart skip a beat, the temperature in the room seemed to rise.

An idea popped into his head, one that had presented itself several times, but had never been acted on. He decided to give it a shot.

"Can you teach me one more phrase in sign language?"

Sam nodded.

Grizz looked down, his heart racing. He was scared, scared to be rejected.

"How do you say, 'kiss me'?"

He thought for a moment that maybe Sam hadn't been able to understand him, he sorta hoped for it. He felt his anxiety rising as the seconds passed. But he didn't see the smile that had spread across Sam's face, nor the look in Sam's eyes. All he felt was Sam's soft hands cupping his cheeks as he leaned in, closing the gap between the two of them.

Neither of them noticed, however, that Campbell was standing in the cracked doorway, his phone out and recording.

***

Monday

Grizz had been on cloud nine all weekend, ever since Friday. Sunday had been spent, not studying, but lying in between Grizz's bedsheets with Sam behind a locked door, talking about his past as a tap dancer. Their naked bodies tangled together with the bedsheets. Grizz was infactuated with Sam, and Sam felt the same way about Grizz. Walking into school, Grizz didn't notice at first the stares shot in his direction as he walked to his locker. He chose to ignore the whispers as he made his way to first period. Phone's dinged with notifications, more whispers followed, and more stares were shot his way. After three periods of this, he had finally noticed it was something to do with him and began listening to the whispers.

'is he gay'

'him and Sam'

'The deaf kid and the football player, who would have guessed?'

He told himself he was imagining it, until 5th period rolled around and he finally grew a pair and checked his phone. His twitter notifications were through the roof, over 38 texts, and four missed calls. It was a tweet from @campbellE69 that had everyone talking:

An animated GIF of Sam and Grizz kissing in Sam's bedroom, the caption reading; "Grizz the Dick sucking Vissar"

Grizz felt his heart beat quicken, pounding so loudly he could hear it. His texts were from the group chat with The guard and from Sam. But he couldn't bring himself to read any. 5th period ended, and lunch began. He had debated on going, but he knew he had to face this at some point. The moment he had entered the cafeteria, all eyes landed on him, silence for a moment, then a series of hushed whispers. He grabbed his lunch, ignoring the looks from the lunch ladies and surrounding students, and made his way to his usual table. But, he didn't make it. Campbell was sitting at his table, the Guard no where to be seen.  Grizz felt his stomach leap, his eyes catching Sam's from across the lunch room, giving him a simpathetc glance. Grizz swallowed his pride and approached Campbell.

He tossed his lunch tray aside, letting the contents splatter across the floor as he shoved Campbell out of his seat roughly, landing on the marble flooring with a loud 'thud.'

"What is your deal, Campbell?" Grizz spat through gritted teeth as he placed a foot on Campbell's chest, holding him to the ground. The cafiteria was silent.

"Aww, what's wrong Grizzly bear? Upset people know about the real you now? That you're banging my retarded brother?"

Grizz stepped further into Campbell's chest, making sure he'd leave marks, "You had no right, Campbell, no right! You sick son of a bitch!" He spat, literally spitting in his face. His voice was wavering, but he stood his ground. He gave a rough kick to Campbell's stomach, "Pull something like this again, and youll get more than a few bruises, got it? Oh, and don't you dare call Sam that ever again, let alone touch him. I'll know. Fucking psychopath." He spat, before kicking him in the side and sauntering away.

His head was spinning, and his stomach felt queasy. He could feel his world tumbling down around him as he found himself near the back of the school, sitting in the courtyard, rolling a joint with shaky hands. He gave up rather quickly, tossing his supplies back in his Altoids container before settling down at a bench. He found himself crying, his fingers fisting through his hair, probably pulling out tufts of it in the process. But he was too upset to care. That was until, Grizz felt a familiar hand on his shoulder, making him jump slightly.

Turning, he saw Sam, glancing down at him with sad eyes.

He didn't need to speak, he simply sat next to him, wrapping his arms around the larger boy and letting him sob into his shoulder.

Some time passed, Sam holding Grizz, crying quietly to himself. Sam noticed the guard approaching, tapping Grizz's shoulder and pointing behind him.

Grizz suddenly went stiff. "Look, guys, not now." Grizz began, wiping his puffy eyes.

Luke spoke up, "We're here to see if you're okay? We uh.. we heard what happened in the cafeteria."

Grizz sighed, "I'm fine, just please, leave me alone. I'm not in the mood for your shit right now." He said, finally turning to them.

He was met with no harsh looks, only sympathetic glances.

"We're not here to give you shit man, we're cool with it." Luke stated.

"Yeah," Clark chimed in, "Just, don't hit on me and we're cool."

Grizz let out a laugh through his subdued sobs. "I wouldn't dream of it."

[the-backspin-alchemist]

Get To Know Me Tag

Alright I know this is like a day and a half late but I’ve been semi-busy doing stuff and that’s a vague as hell excuse but it’s my excuse and I’m sticking with it!

Shout-out to @simplyghosting for the tag.

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you wanna get to know better.

1. Nickname: Backspin in digital space, otherwise my name on its own is my nickname in meatspace.

2. Zodiac sign: I think I’m technically a Capricorn?

3. Height: 5’7 (about average)

4. Hogwarts house: No idea. Given their propensity for dumbassery from what little I remember of the books, probably a Gryffindor.

5. Last thing I googled: “Korg NTS-1 price”

6: Favorite artist(s): Ooooof there could be a lot here. Uuuuuh let’s see...Rush, Pendulum, Jade Cicada, Skrillex, Au5, Smashing Pumpkins, Daft Punk, Porter Robinson, FLOW, GRiZ, Hainbach, Linkin Park, Jeff Williams, Vulfpeck, Foo Fighters, Andrew Huang...I could go in for a while, but I’m pretty sure y’all don’t want four-paragraph/long lists.

7. Song stuck in my head: Tesselate - alt-J

8. Favorite time(s) of day: nighttime. Things are nice and quiet and it’s really pretty when the moon is out.

9. Favorite color(s): blue, purple, black, silver. Golden-yellow gets an honorable mention.

10. Following: 283 (that number feels kinda high...)

11. Followers: 749 (I have no idea when that number got that high but I can tell not a lot of them are actually paying attention to me. Plus I have probably close to that many bots blocked...)

12. Do I get asks: Occasionally. I have a few dedicated friends on here that send me stuff every so often. (You guys know who you are, and you’re the best!)

13. Amount of sleep: Either 5-6 or 10-12. Drought or flood.

14. Favorite number(s):3, 7, 9, 343

15. Wearing: BOSS “Analog Distortion” DS-1 shirt (yeah I know I’m enough of a need that I wear shirts with guitar pedals on them, I’m lame like that), black Goodfellow jeans (which are INSANELY comfortable, and I’m not usually a jeans person, FTR), ace ring and Triaxial pendant.

16. Dream job: full-time creative person. Music production probably specifically, but author or podcaster would also be really neat. Technically working on all three at the moment.

17. Instrument: I “play” varying synthesizers (my synths of choice are the Korg Monologue and the Novation Circuit Mono Station, but the Teenage Engineering PO-20 is also quite fun to mess with). I am in the process of attempting to learn to play mandolin and electric bass.

I also dabble with playing keyboard every so often, but so far my skill on that is mostly “hey look guys I can use this to figure out chords! :D” and “look, guys, I can play Vulfpeck’s Hero Town and the intro to Dire Dire Docks! :D”

I can also “play” my Seagull Totally-Not-A-Dulcimer/Guitar-Hybrid, but that’s doesn’t take talent because you literally can’t play a wrong note on that thing.

18. Language: English. I am monolingual because I didn’t get any decent linguistic education during my younger days. (I do still wanna learn Gaelic at some point, and possibly Japanese so I can actually properly sing along to the varying FLOW songs I like)

19. Favorite song(s): My stated favorite changes from day to day (my current statement would probably be Cherub Rock by The Smashing Pumpkins), but the one song I always get drawn into whenever it shows up, ever, is Waiting For The End by Linkin Park. Something about that song speaks to my soul.

20. Random fact: I apprenticed under the recording and mixing engineer that did Aerosmith’s Pandora’s Box album for like...a week.

It was a very informative experience.

21. Aesthetic: Uuuuuuuh dark colors with bright highlights. Lots of handmade stuff, otherwise.

Like...I dunno. I guess you could say my aesthetic is, like, edgy hopepunk? Lots of me trying to be optimistic, but being deep and using dark colors and stuff based around that.

I dunno, I’m really bad at describing my aesthetic with words. It’s...just whatever it happens to be.

Tagging: Uuuuuuuh oh boy. Don’t think I’m gonna have 21 folks to tag for this...

@lilybugarini @grandduchessgemini @tumb1rprincess @spookyakamaru @flying-suitcase @parteehardy @thepreciousem and @charlezarrd are all I got for now.

[sunset-aria]

Sunset's Aria Sunday Share #5

For those of you who missed today's Sunday Share, here are the links we looked at in-stream:

Today’s Figure Drawing Session:

Line-of-Action - male and female models, clothed (30 minute "class": mix of 30 second, 1 minute, 5 minute, and 10 minute poses)

Tips for Drawing Poses

Griz and Norm's Tuesday Tip: Floating Hands - We talked a lot last week about drawing hands, so this little tip about positioning them in relation to the body made sense to share. Drawing hands before you draw the arms can sometimes make more elaborate gestures easier to visualize, rather than worrying over the positioning of the arm and elbow before you even get a chance to attempt the hands. I use this technique sometimes when I get stuck while planning a pose!

Griz and Norm's Tuesday Tip: Structure VS Gesture - We've talked about structure, and we've talked about gesture, so now here's a quick tip about why it's important to think about and utilize both approaches in your work.

Helpful Websites for Colour Palettes

Paletton - Many people were excited about this discovery in the stream, and with good reason. This is one of the most versatile colour palette generators I've come across, with very detailed controls for automatically making use of adjacent and complementary colours, links to preview colour choices on example websites and images, and even a link to a small wiki detailing information about colour theory, color schemes, and more! (Seen here!)

Colourmind - Want to just automatically generate a palette to use for playing with colours in an image? Colormind allows you to automatically generate colour schemes with the click of a button, just to see what's possible and available. It also has an option to generate appealing color palettes from uploaded images.

Canva's Colour Palette Generator - Want another option for generating color palettes from appealing photographs and artwork you've come across? You can simply drag and drop images from your file explorer onto this website to have it automatically generate color palettes with hex codes for your personal use. Perhaps try taking a piece of art you really enjoy the colours of, generating a palette, and creating an image using just those colours in a similar way!

Tips for Drawing Fur

Witherlings (formerly CoyoteMange)'s In-Depth Fur Tutorial - I talked at length today about the methods I use to approach drawing fur, but I would HIGHLY recommend looking at this resource for a very detailed summary of techniques for approaching various kinds of fur. I originally learned my current approach for detailing fur from this tutorial, in fact.

Do you have any questions to ask or art resources of any sort to share? Please submit here!

I stream every Sunday from 12 PM to 3 PMish (PST), and will take the time to share resources given to me and answer any questions asked to the best of my ability. c: This includes drawn and painted demonstrations, whenever needed!

Check out the rest of my Sunday Share tag for resources from previous weeks, or check out the SASS resource board here to see all of the resource links shared so far, organized by subject!

Also, if you want to watch this week's Sunday Share, you can see the video recording of it that my Picarto channel captured here. These recordings eventually disappear, so make sure to watch them while they're available!

[toogoodmusic]

TOO GOOD TUESDAY INTERVIEW: Myylo

Pop singer and songwriter Myylo is “Jonesing” in latest single – which is his first release of 2019 and follows up 2018’s releases “Be My Baby,” “Doc Martens,” “Lack Of You.” Originally from Los Angeles, Myylo is currently based in Nashville and is coming off a big 2018. A big year which in addition to a few releases also included a writing trip with Mike Posner, participating in Starbucks’ 2018 National Holiday Campaign, various opening slows for major label artists and doing all that while plotting a re-release of his current singles as an EP and gearing up for a second EP release this year. Luckily for Too Good Music, Myylo took some time out of his busy schedule to give us the inspiration behind his latest single, his start in music & much more. Be sure to check out the full interview below:

TOO GOOD MUSIC: Let’s start from the beginning - what got you started and music and when did you know you wanted to make a career out it?

MYYLO: I went to college in Philadelphia - home of grey skies, cheese steaks, and the liberty bell. When I started that chapter of my life I thought I’d stumble on my passion in a 9:00am economics class. But, it wasn’t happening. I had been writing songs for a few years and just decided to hit up a local open mic and that’s when lightning struck. As it turns out, I accidentally found what I was passionate about out there in the City of Brotherly Love. Ever since then I’ve been set on this artistic path.

TGM: So college in Philadelphia, but where are you originally from and how did growing up there influence your sound?

M: I’m a suburbanite, valley boy from Los Angeles. My whole community was filled with kids learning how to use Ableton, taking voice lessons, or grounding themselves in jazz theory. Growing up in that insular world allowed me to struggle with alto saxophone, try my hand at classical guitar, stumble over being a bedroom producer, and explore singing till I developed my own sound. And, I think, those are all elements you can hear in my music

TGM: You definitely can - and so how’d the name Myylo come about?

M: My friends in college called me “MLew” as an abbreviation of my real name, which is Michael Lewis. Unfortunately, there’s a pretty famous author named Michael Lewis and I didn’t want to my songs to get buried in his tsunami of metadata. I figured people would never find my music if I kept my name. So, after I graduated college, I decided to pick a new name that sounded similar to my college nickname.

TGM: What’s the story behind “Jonesing?” What was the inspiration?

M: “Jonesing” is an autobiographical tune about a boy I met on a trip in Israel. We sat next to each other on the plane ride back to America and really hit It off. He lived in Philadelphia and I lived in Nashville. We connected from this one 12 hour period together and decided to take a stab at the long distance thing. “Jonesing” is me processing whether or not I should stick with it or just move on.

TGM: How do you feel “Jonseing” is similar to your previous releases? How does it differ?

M: I think that, for the most part, “Jonesing” is a continuation of me exploring a few elements: horn beds, three part harmony, autobiographical songwriting, and whimsical soundscapes. I’m still world building and figuring out what my sound is, but “Jonesing” is definitely the most cohesive amalgamation of these musical ideas that inspire me.

TGM: Nice! So turning to your live show - how would you describe a Myylo live show?

M: A Myylo live show is fun as fuq. It involves a lot of me talking to the audience about the boys who have made my heart a dumpster fire and me doing body rolls while I sing. I have been known to whip out my alto sax and bust a few licks. I always get off the stage and just feel like I’ve had the best time. Fingers crossed that the audience feels the same way.

TGM: Ha! I’m sure if you feel that way the audience does too. What’s your writing process like? Where do you normally draw inspiration from?

M: My writing process is pretty stream-of-consciousness. I’ll get a chord structure or base line going and then let my creative spirit fly. I start typing lyrics out and recording melodies as soon as they hit my brain. The process is very fast, usually only a couple of hours per songwriting session. Then, I’ll piece together vocal harmony, saxophone, and guitar parts till there’s a solid soundscape for a demo. My buddy Chris Jobe usually helps me produce it properly and that’s when it truly comes alive.  

TGM: You got to participate in a week long writing trip with Mike Posner - what were some of the biggest things you learned from that?

M: Mike has a very holistic approach to artistry and he used this particular camp to impart his wisdom onto 5 young artists. I was lucky to be one of those people. Along with Mike, I got to learn from people like GRiZ, Adam Friedman, and Vance Gilbert. They all imparted countless lessons: how to record in Ableton, how to organize a session, how to work a microphone, how to maintain zen in this wild industry, etc.  

The biggest thing for me is that Mike, through action rather than words, reinforced the importance of giving back. This is a man and an artist who has had so much success. Still, he carved out a week of his life to help lift up younger artists. That’s something I really admire about him.

TGM: That’s awesome you got to work with such talented artists. And speaking of, what would you say the most exciting part about being an artist in 2019? What’s the most difficult part?

M: The internet is the most exciting part about being an artist right now! Whenever I upload a new song, I’ll have folks come out of the woodwork from disparate places. These are people who, through omniscient algorithms, have been able to hear my music and, then,  immediately reach out. We connect  through Insta DMs or retweets and, thankfully, these people are extremely supportive. I think that instantaneous fan-artist connection is super gratifying.

The most difficult part is the self-financing aspect of it. It feels like you have to have a constant barrage of content: songs, live videos, music videos, photos etc. Streaming doesn’t put that money back into your pocket as a young artist, so budgeting becomes really important.

TGM: What’s been the most surreal/pinch me moment in your career so far?

M: I somehow managed to snag a song in the Starbucks holiday campaign that circulated worldwide on Pandora, Spotify, and digital streaming platforms like that. I’d get texts form my friends all over the country saying that they heard my voice in their car. That definitely blew my mind.

TGM: If you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life would they be?

M: Beyonce. Kacey Musgraves. Jessie Reyez. Lizzo. Sara Bareilles.

TGM: Which festival would be a dream of yours to headline?

M: Coachella for sureeeee. I think, being a California kid, Coachella has been on my mind since my brothers attended as middle schoolers.

TGM: If you were on death row and could only listen to (1) song and eat (1) meal - what would they be?

M: Damn, I pray that never happens haha. But, I’d probably listen to “Praying” by Beyonce and have an omakase sushi situation for dinner.

TGM: Ha! Hope so too - but good choices. And finally what’s the rest of 2019 look like for you?

M: 2019 looks like me re-releasing my songs as an EP, doing a cute tour through the Mid-West and East Coast, and then hustling to write and record a second EP. I want to get as much music out to my supporters as possible.

A HUGE shout-out to Myylo for taking the time to discuss his career so far and share his latest single, “Jonesing.” Be sure to keep up with him and his upcoming music and tour through the links below:

                        Facebook | Instagram | Spotify | Twitter | Website 

[ravelrie]

burning up for your love

this is a story about one of the countless ways burning man changed my life. it’s the story of the most tangible way it’s changed everything. i know what you’re thinking, another cliche blog post about how a white girl with privilege spent a week getting weird in the desert and came back this entirely different, but totally the same, person. 

some of the changes i noticed in myself and my life echo the same themes or even are phrased similarly to those that have come before me, and those that will come after me, because we live by the same set of values when we’re out there. i think as human beings, we all go out there looking for similar lessons. we look for comfort, answers, clarity, to figure out how to let go, and most of all, how to move forward as the most authentic version of ourselves (and sometimes come home doing this with [reckless] abandon). we are immersed in this deeply creative and chaotic community of intelligent beings -- there’s no way to come out of that and not feel at least kind of different when it���s all over and you’re back in the default world. 

i wasn’t expecting anything from burning man. i had no interest in having a playa romance, or engaging in anything other than the occasional “kiss me hard to say hello” greeting shared between dusty pals. somehow, i serendipitously found the love of my life, the penultimate experience i thought i’d have at burning man, followed only by being trapped in a bathroom at the trash fence. 

you may have read up to this point and be thinking, “okay, here we go, an essay about self-love and acceptance,” and while there are elements of that in what’s to come, it’s more-so a comedy full of “how the f*ck is this a real life experience?!”. 

so, here it goes...

ONCE UPON A TIME, in a desert reasonably far away from my upper east side apartment, i met the man i’d someday call my partner. it was a perfect night on the playa. it was a Wednesday (but just barely). it was warm, not too dusty, and clear views out to the trash fence were everywhere. i was wearing mad hatter socks, knee high doc marten platform boots, a bikini top, booty shorts, a white dress with chains down my back, white fur vest, and possibly a tiny top hat, but i may have removed it by this point. Oh, and i had goggles on and was riding a tricycle. 

i was adventuring around with one of my playa pals from Australia, who didn’t bring a bike to this desert as it actually was far, far away from the Gold Coast. we ended up at carl cox’s legendary white party at opulent temple, but decided to leave and check out more art installations and other sound camps. while I waited for him to find one of the brightly yellow colored community bikes, i sat perched atop my tricycle, lighting a menthol and staring off toward the mountains and many blinking lights to the west. suddenly, i see two white furry goggled things on bike racing toward me. 

One of the bikes pulled up gently beside my tricycle and began chatting. 

bike one: Hi! Are you having fun? How’s your burn going so far?

me: hey, it’s good so far, but -- and i never thought i’d ever say this -- i’m a little bored by carl’s set.

bike one: Us too, we’re leaving. (points to the second speeding bike making it’s way toward us) Can i happen to bum a cigarette by chance?

me: Sure! I just lit this menthol, but i have Marlboro lights and blue american spirits in my backpack if you prefer something different

bike one:A menthol would be great, actually! Thank you!

As i’m handing over the cigarette and lighter, the other bike stops short right in front of my tricycle, blowing dust into my face and shouts over the bass to strike up a conversation. 

bike two: You shouldn’t talk to him, he’s basically the worst person ever, also, smoking is the worst ever.”

Feeling sassy, I took a drag of my cigarette, ashed it in my portable ashtray prior to responding: Really? I think you’re the worst ever, you just got dust in my face! 

bike two: You know what, fuck your burn!

me: No, no, fuck your burn!

Bike two guy and I laughed in unison, eyes locked in on one another. As we giggled, more of his friends gathered around us, and my friend was suddenly back with a community bike. Once we realized other people were around us, we started chatting about our night moves, and if we should make them together.

bike two: So, what are you up to now?

me: We’re going to head back to the east side and try and find skrillex at camp questionmark

bike two: Us too! Do you, like, want to, i mean, should we just go together?

me: Sure, sounds like fun.

I wouldn’t learn his last name for five days, but we did spend 8 - 12 hours (time is weird and not super existent in black rock city) together, chasing and climbing art cars, trying to see skrillex everywhere, we thought he might pop up, and only separated to use the port-o-potties, which we ended up using the ones next to each other so we could still chat through the walls. 

Our friends just stared, and then followed us along the curve of the esplanade to camp q, where skrillex was not playing at the posted time, but major lazer was playing and we got whompy and wonky and my friend tapped me on the shoulder to leave because the bass was too much, and i said i would stay, we had new friends here, i’m sure i’d be okay ...what?! Why would i ever do this?! Ah, it’s burning man, i thought, fuck it, i feel safe with him, no idea why, and we’re having a lot of fun, so, might as well enjoy staring at diplo and dancing with fun people. I had also learned this entire group’s first names by this point. A was the most fun of the bunch. 

My friend left, and I stayed with this crew, well, this guy, for the rest of the night. Suddenly it was Thursday morning, and September, and we were still dancing, but on top of the camp q stage now, in our white furs, staring at each other and laughing, and just wiggling around to the music. Someone tapped us on the shoulder and said “wow, you guys are such a great burner couple! Your vibes are amazing and i love that you coordinated your outfits!” ‘thanks…’ we said in unison. ‘we met, like, four hours ago…’ “oh no way! That’s so dope! Rave on, guys!” and then we received a high five, and just looked at each other and laughed some more. 

We hadn’t kissed until just before this moment. I was dating someone back in NYC at the time, but hadn’t thought about them at all until here i was, about to kiss a cute guy on an art car stage. As i would later find out, he was dating someone seriously as well, back in a city across the country. Our noses had grazed while we were dancing, and he’d told me that my “body feels so soft, great job moisturizing” when he felt a patch of my skin on my back as he pulled me closer to him to get through the crowd, arm under my vest. We kissed and i can’t adequately articulate everything i felt as it was happening. Four hundred and twenty one days later, I still can’t explain it. but, there we were, griz playing 5 feet away from us, diplo dancing behind him, on top of camp question mark, ground shaking from the bass, noses barely touching, foreheads together, goggles and glasses moved to be headbands of sorts, and our lips met. his hands moved around my waist, feeling up my bare spine, pulling me into him, my arms tangled under his and around him, and i felt...grounded. there were many other feelings related to chemistry that are important, but the thing that sticks out to me most is feeling grounded, in the place least based in reality on earth. 

we continued our adventure once we came down from the stage area, re-acquainted ourselves with the group, holding hands now at all moments we weren’t on our bikes. 

there is more to the story about this night, best told in a separate post. the takeaway has been largely that from this single set of choices, i spent 363 days trying not to admit i was falling in love, and then very much in love, with this man. everything was wrong and working against this single night turning into something more. i rode home into the sunrise thursday morning, played in some art installations en route, and sleepily collapsed in my yurt, unable to shake him from my mind. his ability to stick there like someone super-glued him to everything was foreign to me because i’d never felt like this, close, yes, but never quite like this. i woke up friday morning in my camp’s shade structure, clad in pasties, booty shorts, a blue unicorn onesie, and light-blocking eye mask, and A tapping me to wake up up, saying, “um, hey, hil?” 

waking up to him there, just sitting near my feet, felt right, like it was already just the everyday thing that happened. we spent the next four days together, until he left, constantly together. we explored, we danced, we talked, we climbed anything and everything we could. we lost our bikes and embarked on a champagne campaign to find them, then offered gummy bears to an artist taking down an installation to cut the lock off because we lost the key the night before. 

i was in his city a few weeks after for work. we exchanged numbers as he was readying to leave the desert, and planned to grab a drink and catch up. the rest is history, as they would say, but it’s mostly us being friends and navigating everything we felt for each other in the default world, where we also had strong feelings for our people there. we held each other’s hands through the breakups that happened a few months after returning home for him, and the on/off breaking up but back together for me, partaking in the world of online dating and profile creation and photo choices, talked every single day. ended up with the same 8ft unicorn pool floats as a random coincidence. would facetime at random moments. my mom got really sick. he would always pick up when i called at a weird hour, and the few times he didn’t, he always called me back or sent me a quick text to see what was going on. he offered to fly out when i buried her. i went out in june for work, and it’d been so many months since we’d touched, and seen each other in real life. standing on post street, i watched him run through the cross walk, felt him pick me up and spin me around, and then, he kissed me, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do in that moment. our friendship had been complicated, but fairly chaste since we had significant others. but here we were, kissing on a street corner in union square, both single, both elated to be in the same city and in front of each other. we realized we should probably give this a go, since the timing was lining up okay to try and be together. he told me he loved me the second day of burning man this year, like it was something we just said to each other every day. here we are, 421 days later, in love, not afraid to plan for the future, and taking everything as a welcome baby step. 

I ramble on about these things because in them are all the lessons that we learn from burning man that take time to sink in and manifest: patience, communication, trust, flexibility, and most of all, balance. 

i fell in lust with someone not knowing their last name for five days, and drinking pedialyte biking around a desert. i fell in love with someone who is funny, kind, adventurous, smart, handsome, passionate, logically spontaneous, and who isn’t afraid to be just as he is, and lets me be just as i am, without ever thinking to ask me to change something about what makes me, me. when you meet at burning man, you can’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not. you just are who you are. you don’t smell great, you’re sweaty ALL THE TIME. you’re also covered in dirt and dust and may have been wearing the same pair of underwear for 3 straight days. you’re just existing and being present in everything, everywhere you are. 

we live 2,911 miles from each other, according to google maps. we spend a lot of time on logistics, but we’re always present. there isn’t anything that takes precedence over one another in our lives. we make the time to coexist because somehow, the universe brought us together, and handed us a pretty shit situation, and we communicated through it, grew through it, and realized that what we felt for each other, was love. 

i’m that girl that went to burning man once, and met my future. i met myself, i met my partner, and i met the life i’d always wanted to have, knowing that you don’t have to compromise adventure for normalcy. 

it’s a messy journey to a fairy tale ending, but i like it that way.