#and feel safe is the wrong phrase cause quite frankly im in no danger from three fuckers on a park bench but for the simple fact that i dont

[cosmicrhetoric]

having a category five woman moment

[bakugous-abs]

Scenario where Izuku and fem!reader started to date in middle school, but once they got into U.A. together they grew apart, and she forms the theory that he's going to break up with her (when he's really not), and one day he goes to visit her unexpectedly and finds her crying while wearing his All Might hoodie, and he just feels a bunch of guilt, and he promises to do better, and they just have a really fluffy moment? Thank you to whoever writes this, you're all awesome! 💕

~Admin Eun

Izuku was a gentle andkind boy, a wee bit anxious, but perhaps that was what made him so appealing tothe eyes of (Name). Nose always in a journal that he seemed to entranced with,(Name) would watch him afar and then blush quickly after. Although her peersseemed to find joy at his degrading expense, (Name) always felt that if anyone,Izuku was a person who needed to be treated with warmth. So, understandingthat, she would have to be the one to treat him with such manner as it appearedthat no one else wanted to (which the entirety of that made her shocked beyondbelief as the boy was a bundle of nerves and timid smiles). Truthfully (Name)had been enchanted with Izuku ever since he flashed her a shaky smile andscurried away with a red face, but every time she tried to talk to him he wouldseem to get too nervous and shy away from her. But (Name) was determined tobecome acquainted with him—he could use a friend, anyways.

Before she even knewit, (Name) had not only succeeded in befriending him, but had also managed toworm her way into his heart and become his girlfriend. Yes, on occasion (Name)would get a few sideways glances full of mockery or scoffed at, but she didn’tcare. She had her loving, sweet, and tender Izuku, and for the time being thatwas all she needed.

Not only was he theperfect partner, Izuku was also the perfect student. He was naturallyintelligent, but what made him so perfect was his sheer determination. Bornquirkless, but still driven to get into the prestigious school of U.A. whichcoincidentally was the high school (Name) wished to attend as well. Izukupassed the exam with flying colors, and (Name) was too happy for him to evenbother asking how he passed in the first place. She had congratulated him witha hug as he cried into her shoulder.

After that, it seemedlike it was going to be smooth sailing for both Izuku and (Name). They wereboth placed in the same hero course, and although they had both gone through afew dangerous situations, in the end they both always turned out safe.Naturally, though, high school in itself was stressful. Because of such, Izukufound himself taking rainchecks on (Name’s) date propositions, or respondingwith her actions of affections half-heartedly or with a small smile and thenreturning to doing whatever he was preoccupied with. It hurt her, of course,but she understood that he was busy as a hero on the rise, and all. Still,regardless of how understanding she was, it made her disheartened every time hebrushed off her small kisses or her compliments that used to make him smile sobrightly.

(Name) began stressing.Her and Izuku had been together for a little over a year now—was he gettingsick of her? Was he getting bored of being with her for so long? Or perhaps hewas getting annoyed with her constant company? Doubts and insecurities swarmedher mind as she paced around her dorm. For example, just the other week she hadapproached Izuku with a bright smile. The two hadn’t gone on a date in a while,so it couldn’t hurt to ask, right?

“Ah, Izuku, I wasthinking that maybe we could grab a bite to eat after school? And then maybe wecould go see the gardens! I hear that they’re blooming quite nicely thisseason,” she chirped, excitement evident on her face. She presented this ideacasually, but truthfully she had spent a lot of time and research to plan theperfect date with him.

“Oh…Sorry, (Name),not this week. I’m really busy,” he said, smiling sympathetically at her. (Name’s)face fell, her shoulders slumping as her excitement dissolved intodisappointment. As of lately, it seemed like ‘not this week’ was Izuku’smost favorite phrase.

“It’s…It’s okay, Izu,” shereplied. That was a big fat lie, and they could both tell that it was so.Still, Izuku watched as (Name) trudged back to her room without looking back athim.

(Name) sighed, buryingher head into her hands as she sat on her bed. Izuku wasn’t intentionallyhurting her…Right? Never before had she considered this, but the more thethought presented itself the more she started panicking. Perhaps it waschildish of her, but in a burst of emotion she glanced at her closet beforesnagging Izuku’s ‘All Might’ hoodie from one of the hangers and pressing itclosely to her chest. It smelled like sweet laundry soap and his shampoo, andthis in itself made tears gather at the corners of her eyes. Slipping it overher head, she laughed blandly and laid on her bed.

(Name) felt silly and abit immature, but at the same time she felt that it was justified. Her kneeswere up to her chest as she laid in a fetus position, hands covering herblotchy face as she sobbed into them. She didn’t hear the door creak open.

When Izuku walked inthe room, he expected to see (Name)—his happy and cheerful (Name)—sitting ather desk or maybe just relaxing on her phone. What he did not expect wasto walk in and be dreadfully greeted with the sight of his girlfriend curledinto a small ball, body shaking ever so slightly with the dreary rhythm of hersobs.

“(N-Name)!” heexclaimed, shutting the door behind him and walking cautiously to her side. Shelooked up, sitting up quickly and attempting to dry her eyes. Despite the uttermortification she felt from being caught, she gave Izuku a smile.

“Did you needsomething?” she croaked. If she was trying to sound like nothing was wrong, itdidn’t work. The fact that she was still trying to smile for him made Izukufrown.

“What’s going on?”

“Huh? Nothing’s wrong,Izu. I’m just relaxing.”

Izuku took a seatbeside her, hand resting on her thigh lightly. The small bit of contact made(Name) jump ever so slightly, and it was only then that he realized how long ithad been since they had been affectionate with one another…And he also realizedthat it was his fault.

“(Name), please…” Hewatched as she avoided his gaze in shame. No matter how much she tried to denyit, she knew that Izuku knew her too well to let it up. So, embarrassed andfrankly a complete mess, she bit her lip before opening her mouth to speak. “I…Gosh,I don’t know, Izuku…Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed it? We just…This is soselfish of me to say because like I know how busy you are, but…” Her voicecracked, (Name) instinctively bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as sheattempted to choke out the rest of her explanation. “I just feel like…You don’twant to be around me anymore…Do you want to…Fuck, I don’t know, are you goingto break up with me, Izuku?” The way she looked at him with glossy and red eyesmade his heart crack from the top to the bottom before it split in two.

“What? No! No—(Name), Iwouldn’t even think of that…!”

“Then why…Why haven’tyou been…” She trailed off, as if she felt guilty that she felt the way shedid. At this point, Izuku began crying as well as he held (Name) by theshoulders. “I’m so sorry, (Name). I didn’t even realize—I-I’ve been soinconsiderate…”

“Please don’t say that,Izuku!” (Name) wailed, face contorting as more sobs shook her body. “You’rebusy, and I have to understand that!”

“No, (Name), I’m yourboyfriend and I’m supposed to be drying your tears, not causing them!” Theywere both sobbing, (Name) leaning her head into Izuku’s shoulders as shewrapped her arms tightly around his form. He did the same, pulling her bodyclose to his own.

“I’m so sorry, (Name).I promise to…to be a better boyfriend. Because you deserve the best.”

(Name) laughed softly. “Ilove you, Izu.”

Izuku smiled, pullingaway before placing a gentle kiss on (Name’s) lips that she had so longed for. “Ilove you too, (Name).” 

[secludeed]

I’m sorry, Jen.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018. Approximately 12:15 AM. Corner of Hacienda Blvd. and Temple Ave.

The light is red as I approach it coming to a stop. I am pressing both front and back brakes, Jen sitting behind pushing against the tank as to not press against me before coming to a halt. I notice a sheriff patrol car speed through the perpendicular intersection, another car slowly turning left. I am stopped. The light changes from green to yellow to red. It is our turn to go.

With my clutch held all the way down with two fingers, I rev a little to let her know the light is changing and she holds onto me again. However, the light changes, I accidentally rev too high, also accidentally release the clutch much faster than I anticipated, popped a really high wheelie in which I could not control, and we ultimately come crashing down to our right, in the middle of the intersection.

I rush to her, make sure she’s okay, and she is standing. I tell her to hurry to the side of the road, to get out of the intersection, and she does so. I proceed to pick up my bike, cannot start it up, and push it to where she was. She tells me that something is wet, like water, and a witness pulls over to check on us. Other bystanders check up on us as well as we sat on the floor and me trying to look after her injuries. At this point I feel stinging on my body, a minor case of road rash but nothing else. I look at her injuries. Scraped wrists, slight bruising on her pinky, and overall just minor scratches throughout her hands. She hands me the water to open, and I pour it to help clean her off, to which it is stinging her, normal. Immediately, Nate is called, and I tell him about the situation. He eventually shows up with a bag of ice, a first aid kit, and we are sitting down cleaning up the blood and everything as she is wincing in pain from the wipes. Bandages are placed on the more injured areas, and she asks Nate to go home to retrieve a jacket to hide her injuries. As he leaves, I try my best to look after her, and her pinky is swelling up, and so I try to hold the ice on her wrist and pinky she says is hurting.

All she can think about is how she’ll have to explain this to her family. All I can think about is how to help her, care for her, and my own fucking mistakes.

Nate returns, her mom is calling and worried, and we get a sweater over her after covering the rest of her scrapes. I really do not hope she sprained her wrists, or broke or fractured anything, and by the looks of it there was no intense swelling, she had control of her limbs, and it was just bruising and cuts and scrapes.

Nate leaves to take her home. I reassure that I am okay, and I will promptly be leaving to head home as well.

I rode completely slowly the entire time, not dangerous, but not the speed limit. I thought about all of tonight, what I was going to say, what I was going to do. But most importantly I thought about her, and how I truly fucked up tonight.

Here I am now.

Jen, if you are reading this, I know I told you a lot of what I was thinking earlier via text.

First, I thanked Nate and only talked positively and wished him well for tonight.

Next, I apologize profusely, and maybe even excessively, for there are no words, actions, or thoughts that will make any of this better to me.

You know me, Jen. You know enough about me to know that this is going to haunt me for a long time after tonight, and for the most part it may never go away. Who knows what I am going to do tonight. All I promised was that I would be safe, and I will be here for you no matter what.

However, you do not know everything about me. I honestly wanted to tell you, but last night got late, and today was busy, and quite frankly it all went south. But nevertheless, the point still stands, I have a list on my Notes on this phone. It encompasses essentially most of my thoughts from last night, things I wanted to say to you but never got the chance to.

Jen, I am going to be absolutely honest here. I like you, you know that. I am attracted to people that understand me and my struggles, that is why I was so attracted to Eileen, my ex. She believed in me and listened to me when nobody would or understood. You are like her, you took the chance to listen to me, and that is why I am so attracted to you.

Don’t get me wrong, however. One of the topics I wanted to discuss is that although I do find you attractive, as a person, I understand and respect your decision to stay as friends. First and foremost, I have grown up a lot since both my relationship and as a person in general. I have immense respect for you, and would never try to jeopardize the friendship and connections we had. And therefore, knowing full well at this point that neither of us were ready for a relationship, as well as respecting you saying “don’t ever fall in love with me” sometime between our friendship, that my attraction to you is purely mental, not affectionate. That is why, when I say I love you, it is not because I am craving a romantic relationship or anything of the likes. Instead I mean it wholeheartedly as a person, a genuine human emotion in which I want the best for you, care about you, and need you in my life as friends or anything more. In short, I love you, but I am not in love with you.

Moreover, you know this, but to anyone that stumbles upon this post, I do care about you, Jen. I wanted to give you the world I thought you deserved but never had. I would go out of my way to spoil you and give you everything, not as an inconvenience but as an act of care for you. After tonight, whether you believe me or not, I still do care about you, maybe even moreso now.

And to the point in which I say you know me, but you don’t fully know me: last night was just skimming the surface of my problems. Yes we are both a little messed up. Yes our problems are different and unique in their own ways. And no I will not argue with who has it worse or whatever because that’s just absolutely stupid and ignorant. Regardless, what I wanted to say to you is that deep down, I am a messed up psychopath in my mind. I can imagine doing things that can not only harm myself but all other people, in the snap of a finger. I don’t say this to anyone because why should I? It’s all horrible regardless. Some things I think about are things like how selfish I can be or am, and how manipulative I can be.

You tell me to be myself, to take care of myself or to treat myself out because you think this will make me feel better. No. I put myself through mental agony, and often times physical agony as well like refusing to eat, sleep, or drink anything or even self-harm as a form of suppression from acting impulsively upon these thoughts. If I were to let everything roam freely, it would cause chaos, and real quickly all of my bridges and friendships and ties will be burned down. I can think and say really negative thoughts. I am irresponsible with power, money, and other people’s trust. I can mess up people’s lives with everything they tell me, or the things I know because of how observant and “trustable” I seem to be. But I choose not to because that not only harms myself, it harms everybody I care about, everybody I choose to live for. As for being manipulative: I tend to guilt trip people often, even unintentionally. Do you know one of the reasons my ex was with me for as long as we were together, and why she left? It was because one night upon me opening up with her, I ignorantly muttered that without her in my life I was likely going to be in prison or dead, and if we broke up and ended negatively, I would have killed myself, but not because of her, but by my own inner demons. Of course, this was taken the wrong way, and she knew in the back of her head this was a very real possibility. However, she ultimately swallowed the pill one week and decided enough was a enough. She took the chance on herself and on me, and look where I am today. That is just one case of my manipulation. I am very, very good with manipulating words, phrases, thoughts and even emotions to my favor, but I often times try to catch myself before doing so.

How I felt about Nate? I don’t know. I didn’t like him, not because I hated him, but because I didn’t know him. He hadn’t really proved anything to me to show why I wanted to be friends with him other than some common interests. And I don’t mean this in a bad way, I just mean that I am very selective with my friends, which is why I have so few that I truly do connect with and care about, like you. But after tonight, I can only think positive about him.

And you know me. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to look at the positives in everything of everyone around me, like I tried to with Nate and like I do with you. It is because I used to be the opposite before, and it only hurt me more, and I decided to change. Thus, to prevent myself from being the manipulative, disgusting person I know I can be, I told you the same thing I do for myself: pick your friends carefully. Now I did not tell you to drop Nate, even if it sounded like I did. The matter of fact was that I told you to be careful with who you let in your life, especially being a woman, as often times people try to take advantage of others, something I refused to let happen between us. That is why I told you to live your life to the best and funnest you can but at the same time to be careful with your life as well. Like I said, I am not here to control your life. Im merely here to try and guide you to a happier, more fulfilling life. Yet it seems that despite how much you’ve helped me, how happy you’ve made me, how much of a hole you’ve helped me out of, that ultimately I can always fall back down, and more often than not fall deeper than where I started.

I get it. I get a lot of things because I am pretty observant but I get it. Shit happens, accidents and mistakes happen, and as fortunate as we are that nothing worse happened, I still do think about it and kick myself for it, being too hard on myself as you pointed out. But I also understand that this will subside, better and worse things will happen in the future, and to just not repeat the past, something I definitely will refrain from letting happen.

More often than not, I know it is clearly irresponsible of me to be depending on others to call me out on my shit or to take care of me. The truth is, I am ignorant and stupid. I am reckless and careless. And I do not know how to improve without the help I desperately need, but refuse to call for. Special people like you are really all I have in my life, and although I do take advantage of the time we have together in our lives, I cherish each and every memory as much as I can, even long after everything is over. I hold onto the past too much, and that is one of the main reasons why I am where I am today.

I will tell you this, the same I told my ex: I owe you my life. Thank you for saving me, even if it’s just for a brief period of time. What I mean is that you have given me a glimpse of happiness in life again, a sense of fulfillment and purpose, and above all else, a reason to want to live. And often times, I take these moments for granted, and miss it all completely once it is gone. Therefore, whatever happens from here on out, you will always know and understand about me. And more importantly, as long as you are here I can promise I will be here too, not just for you but for myself too. I don’t have much in my life, and very very few people know as much as you do, if not more.

Jen, this is only the surface. I know I say that all too often. But the truth is, I cannot simply say everything that goes on in my mind. I am not just some encyclopedia of problems that can be searched or filtered. Instead I can give you a glimpse of what my demons are, what I am facing or thinking and tell you or explain to you what or how I think. I hope you understand that, for even I do not fully understand myself. But having two people to understand do help immensely, because as you know I think, I overthink, and I have way too many thoughts in my head, more often negative above all else.

I am sorry Jen. I honestly had a lapse of judgement tonight, took advantage of your trust in me, and hurt you, something I never had in mind or ever wished to happen. I completely understand if our friendship is negatively affected or even tarnished after tonight, for I have nobody to blame but myself. You of all people understand how hard I am on myself, so me not listening if you said it was just an accident or anything is just the way I think. I hurt you, and I apologize for it. I am owning up to my mistakes and trying my best to learn and move on. But these things haunt me, and they are only more weapons I can use against myself that will bring my mental health downwards even more, I hope you can understand that. The demons inside of my mind are ever growing, especially in strength and in numbers, and it is because of people like you that I can use to counteract these demons. So for situations like this, I feel it is a battle I must fight alone, a battle that will ultimately make me stronger if it does not kill me first. But having you by my side does definitely help, so I am eternally grateful for having you in my life.

I am so deeply sorry Jen. I do not know how I will ever be able to repay you for this, how I could possibly make up for it. This will always be a sobering moment in my life, and I will always reflect upon this to keep me grounded, and to keep me growing. Rock bottom is near, Jen, and whether or not that is a good thing, it only means that I care more and more about you, and you really are that special person I cherish in my life at the moment. I am so sorry, Jen. I really am. I hope you can forgive me for all of this.