#and exhaustedddd
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My health has been allll over the place. Took a trip to the ER earlier ... (thankfully short wait)
but my activity will probably be all over the place. I've been trying to post but I just feel YUCK....
#I wish it was the 24th so i could start my break...#I am ill and tired ..#and exhaustedddd#I love my job but it def takes a lot out of you ..
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i never settle on a design for her but ive been thinking so much abt her lately and finally conjured something im a bit more happy with
#oc#original character#oc: karoliina#pareidolia tag#artists on tumblr#oc art#character#sorry i have not been drawing a lot of interesting stuff lately LMAO ive been kinda blocked and busy with uni#i think during this period with uni i just get kind of creatively exhaustedddd arghhh so its been more thinking instead
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In the last six months since I’ve been on this blog I, or my other poc mutuals, have been hard blocked, soft blocked, unfollowed, dismissed, etc. by the same people who reblog the same tired ass posts reminding people to be mindful about inclusion in writing/fandom. Usually right after making a post or sending a message about correcting something racist
Some of these people I watch yall break bread with and I don’t say shit because you know what? It would destroy me to have to watch people I speak to daily focus on that person being a friend of theirs and how ‘good of a person they are’ over the fact they hurt someone with an inconsideration. so that’s why I don’t ‘name, names’ but it’s still a damned if you do situation ain’t it?
#existential dread for fucking real#I am filled with so much loathing and despair#I desperately want to wash my hands of this because I can’t go back#to having fun but I’ve put so much time and effort into this blog#but man this feels like a lost cause I’m exhaustedddd
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It’s heavy
Erm its a small thing about wanting to carry Ume’s burdens ig that ive been thinking about (even though i ended up going a whole other direction than i originally daydreamed. When i first thought about it, it was gonna be like stand in the rain dramatic but.)
its sfw and theres no cws i think except it’s kinda spoilery from recent chapters (not in depth tho) Also I read through it once but you know how it goes with proofreading owo)/
"I didn't know it would feel that heavy," Sakura says, mid bite into his lunch.
"Whatd'ya mean?" You swallow your own food before getting a drink. He's talking about Umemiya.
"The resolve to fight. For the town, the people you...love," he grits out the last word, still unused to verbally speaking about affection, but he's been getting better. "The weight of everything on your shoulders makes it hard to move sometimes" Your eyes widen at that. At the change in demeanor since he first came to town. He's really improved since you first met and honestly the change is for the better.
"Is it...a bad feeling?" You wonder, food forgotten now that the conversation has turned serious.
"Not bad, just annoying. And comforting? I don't know how to explain it." He's flushed now, embarrassed by the inability to find the proper words to convey just how it is. It's one of those things you have to feel for yourself to really grasp.
"Exhausting too I bet," you say more to yourself, thoughts suddenly going fully to the white haired man. Two bi-colored eyes look your way as you twirl your fork in your hands thoughtfully. He turns even redder when he sees your dazed look, knowing you're ruminating about Umemiya. You take out your phone, shooting out a text to see where he's at. When he texts back that he's on his way to the cafe from school, you decide you'll meet him halfway, telling Sakura you'll be back in a bit and that he can have your leftovers.
You're jogging really, not caring about pacing yourself when an urge has overtaken you. The anxiety spreads in your chest to your arms and hands, prickling at your fingertips. Nothing's wrong, but at the moment you feel like if you don't see his face soon, you'll never see it again. Logically, you talk yourself down knowing those thoughts are just your brain screwing with you, but the feeling won't go away until you get to him.
The sun warms Hajime’s face as he heads to Kotoha’s, wind blowing the chimes as they clink daintily. He's got an easy walk going, not surrounded by people for once.
The look on his face when he spots you is one of delight, slowly switching to concern from the way you're running towards him, cheeks flushed.
"Hey pumpkin, what's with the running? Somethin' up?" He asks before you plow straight into his chest, arms squeezing around his waist. You shake your head, tightening him in your hold knowing it's not gonna hurt him in the slightest.
"Can I carry it sometimes?" you mumble from his chest after a minute of breathing in his scent, sweat and deodorant mixing into a smell that was so him it calmed the frayed nervous that had been unraveling. When he asks what you'd be carrying, you lift your face to lock eyes with him.
"You? Everything you're carrying? Not all the time, but I don't want you to be the only one shouldering so much weight. I'm not that strong, but," you're suddenly self conscious about it, looking down at your feet for a second before forcing yourself back to look at his face. "but I can do it for you. Whenever you need me to." You finish, waiting on his response. He breathes deep and ponders it for a second, the look on his face a mix of hesitance and adoration at your declaration. For once he’a speechless, but he’s not surprised it’s you who’s rendered him as such.
“…I love you,” he says simply, eyes wide. Like he just rediscovered the fact despite his almost constant mission to let you know that with his words and actions on a daily basis.
“That’s not what-,”
“I know. I know, but I just wanted to say it I think. Or I couldn’t help it.” He kneels down to your level, holding both of your hands in his own, a look of resolve in his cloud grey eyes. “I can try…letting you carry some of it. It’s heavy.”
“That’s fine,” and you release his hands before grabbing his face. “I’ve got you.”
Atlas was punished to hold the weight of the world, but Hajime isn’t Atlas and he has you.
You both drop the subject for a bit, a ghost of the conversation still stays lingering in both of your heads. It's easy to say he'll rely on you like that, but the truth is putting it into practice is remarkably difficult.
He's still wondering how to work this new part of your dynamic when you decide to take the bull by the horns. He wakes up and shoots a text to Hiragi, telling him he'll meet him at the bakery to help paint the new sign, but he receives a text back saying it's been taken care of. Well that clears things up a bit, he thinks. So he goes to Kotoha's knowing she's been needing someone to do a supply run...only to find the first years already carrying the groceries over, and when he tries to help put them away? He's blocked from them, Nirei stuttering that they can handle it on their own.
His sister chimes in, though, that she thinks you really needed help with something over near the park. He thanks her, figuring his two main task for the day were complete, albeit almost immediately without him lifting a finger. By the time he makes his way to you, it seems you've been sitting for a while, passing the time on your phone wearing one of his old hoodies.
"You needed help lovebug?" He's asking, a hand running rough his hair, breath taken at the sight of you. You don't look any way different from any other day, but the feeling he gets in his chest when he sees you has yet to fade and he doesn't think it ever will.
"Yeah. It's a tough job. Think you can help?"
"Anything for you." You can tell by his voice and the look on his face that he means it.
"I want my boyfriend to relax for the day. Do you know how I can make that happen?" Faux innocence filling your expression. A few things click in his head at once. Throughout the week, his schedule seemed to be getting freer and freer no matter how many people he'd heard needed help with something. Every time he checked in with the person, someone had already taken care of it vehemently denying a need for any more assistance. Even today, the two things he planned to do were quickly swept up and deposited for someone else to do.
The look on your face, and your question have the last puzzle piece fitting into place. He'd smack himself for taking this long to notice if he wasn't flushing a bit right now. You were around less during the week or at the very least on your phone a bit more than usual, but he chalked it up to it being a busy week for you. He never would've thought you were working behind the scenes to lighten his load.
He'd gotten more done for himself this week than he had in a while and he had you to thank for that, even though it took him a while to figure it out. He thought briefly about thanking you, but realized this is what you wanted to do, no thanks necessary. So he shrugs before answering your question.
"I could've sworn he said something about really wanting to kiss you right now. He's around here somewhere I think," he's walking closer, hand on his chin, looking around as if to search for himself.
"Great, when you find him, let him know I've got a pillow and blanket fort set up at home with a stack of movies near the TV." You dodge him, twisting out of the way to head in the direction of your place. He huffs a laugh before running up to your side, arm wrapping around your waist, and drawing you in a close hug. He presses a big kiss to the crown of your head, and releases you just enough to keep walking. He feels lighter than he has in a while, and if you'd been asked, you would've told him the same thing.
#urgh i feel like i write the same thing all the time and its so repetitive#mari writes#umemiya hajime x reader#wind breaker#after this its strictly my one WIP i refuse to write a thing till its done because at least its something DIFFERENT#throws this in the ocean with the rest of my stuff im not satisfied with#my number one goal in life is to take care of umemiya hajime like he takes care of everyone else#and ive compared him to atlas before so?#em was my beta reader of sorts#she hypes me up i love herrr#im exhaustedddd#on vacation? its more likely than you think
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I hate getting IVs but at least the nurses said my outfit was cute 😭
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Tips for doing an overnight road trip!
Don't
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as an australian the most exhausting discourse on this website is the “to vote or not to vote” discussion that happens any time there’s an election in the US or the UK. I don’t care if you guys vote or not. your electoral systems are cooked and it’s all pretty shit. personally I am in compulsory voting preferential system land and from here all of the US/UK shit seems pretty bonkers
#exhaustedddd by both sides of the argument#so exhausted#and americans never tag their posts with US pol or whatever#it’s always just general ‘politics’#so there’s no good tag to block#-_-#no bueno
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How life would feel if my body actually had energy after sleeping for eight hours a night
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i’m TRYINGGG to be positive. but the new hero girl has an annoying voice help
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What if I told you Barb is a he/him lesbian to me? What then?
#jane journals#self insert talk#🎸 hard rock hearts 🎸#HOURTGHGHHHH I JUST FOUND THIS IMAGE IT MAKES ME CRAZAAAAY 😭😭😭😭💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖🫶💖#SHE LOOKS SO FUCKING CUTE AND SMUG#and this is from her intro scene too where she basically destroys the techno trolls kingdom (wuh-oh 😳)#BUT SHE LOOKS SO!! UGH!!#like she KNOWS shes got them beat#its cute that theyre even TRYING to negotiate with her#shes soooo 😊😊😊💖💖💖#and sorry for being kinda quiet lately#im exhaustedddd and idk if its mentally or physically#but im basically dead when im not at work and it suckssss#i mean they did just move me to full time hours#im a lot busier and i do a lot more work now#thats probably it tbh 😂#but ill get used to it and ill kick this art block eventually!!
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i wonder what my prof will think when he sees that i uploaded my assignment at 3:28am on a sunday lmao
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Guess I’m officially apart of the epileptic club now, I’ve had more than two but I’m starting to really know my triggers and how common mine actually are.
Came home after an 8 hour kayaking camping weekend trip and had another focal seizure.
My triggers are:
- stress
- peeing for some wild ass reason (rare but still where most of my seizures happen)
- naps and oversleeping
- and one singular friend of mines Facebook page, if I browse her page after waking up it’s game over
#I feel like poop#I’m exhaustedddd and I also have pitting edema in my ankles#so I’m just over it#lol#don’t think I’ll go kayaking next year#tw seizure#temporal lobe epilepsy#epilepsy
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me at work on friday: i need to lock in this weekend. i need to apply to jobs and make a miracle happen so i dont have to keep working here and i have a better job with more hours and higher pay. i need a lot of money in a really short amount of time.
me on saturday: sleeping and smoking weed all day
#Im judt so tiirredddd and stressing about needing money all the time makes me so exhaustedddd#seriously ever since getting denied that job im just so tired. im just so exhausted snd tired i just want to sleep for hours on end#spiderwebs
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love me, love me! say that you love me! fool me, fool me, go on & fool me!
alt under cut ^^♡
also the pins are transfem & bisexual :3
#hlm#hotline miami#the girlfriend#girlfriend hotline miami#girlfriend#my art#YAYYYYYYYYYYY#FINISHED FINALLY#tallorambles#no alt text rn im exhaustedddd
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i have a call with a friend this afternoon but oooohhhh my god today has left me so fucking drained i fear i may pass away
#.txt#idk what he wants to talk about but usually he only needs to talk on yhe phone if its something serious#and i want to be there for him but im so tiredddd 😭#like genuinely want to talk to him and help him through whatever he needs to talk about but im scared i’ll be shit at it#because im so exhaustedddd#but idk how to say that off the bat without sounding rude or making him feel like he can’t talk to me 😭
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so sleep deprieved, i didnt even notice it's friday fml
#where did this week go? man. im so exhaustedddd#why does my insomnia hit when i need sleep the most????? i just wanna rest wahhh
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