#and excuse me sir why are you looking at the camera like that while saying your wife is missing?

[turkeygirl47]

Caldre beating each other up and then they sloppily make out and they get blood everywhere...

i have not written in so long so i hope it's okay... thank u for the ask <3

Andre Kriegman had one problem. Namely, his best friend, Cal Gabriel.

“What the fuck was that?” He hissed as soon as they got inside his car and the doors were shut. Cal just blinked plainly until Andre continued. “How many times do I have to explain this shit to you until you fucking understand?”

“Forgive me for speaking so bluntly, sir,” Cal smirked, and Andre was vaguely aware of the camera pointed in his direction.

“Stop talking like a fucking lieutanant. Do you not understand how risky that was? What if someone from our school were there and they recognised you? It doesn’t sound good when you’re talking about how a gun is a perfect weapon or whatever the fuck you said. We’re trying to be discreet here, remember?”

The longer Cal sat there quietly, the angrier Andre got. 

“Put the camera down,” Andre reached over to grab it and turn it off. Finally, he leaned back, defeated. “What do you wanna do now, huh? What’s your big plan?”

“Ok, uh, start the car—” Andre couldn’t help but obey. “—and I want you to close your eyes and drive.”

Andre couldn’t help but laugh at the awkwardness he felt while driving. Still, they didn’t crash until Cal ordered him to stop.

“What the fuck?” Andre peered out of the windshield. They were in their school’s parking lot, near the back of the building.

Cal was already unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out before Andre shut off the car. He stood there patiently until Andre followed suit.

“What are we doing here?” Andre squinted up at the street light, arms crossed.

“I think you need to be reminded of our mission here. One poem isn’t going to stop us. We’re stronger than that.”

“I didn’t say—”

“It sounds to me like you’re having doubts.”

“I’m not having doubts,” Andre scoffed. Cal wasn’t even looking at him when he spoke. Rather, he was rolling a pebble around under his shoe.

“I dunno. How can I know if you’re truly committed?” Cal’s tone was playful, almost.

“You’re fucking kidding.” Andre was mad before, and he’d started to cool down while they drove, but he could feel himself breathing heavier as he stepped closer to Cal.

“I’m serious. You’re making excuses for why this can’t happen. Like you don’t want it to happen.”

“What the fuck?” Andre was mad now, grabbing onto Cal’s shoulder and turning him around so they were forced to make eye contact, “We’re almost there. Why the fuck would I back out now?”

Cal just shrugged, and Andre could’ve sworn he was smiling.

“Fuck you.” Andre scoffed, turning back around.

“See? Taking the easy way out again,” Cal’s voice was playful, and Andre didn’t think before he turned back around and socked Cal in the jaw as hard as he could. 

Andre could feel the bone in Cal’s face make impact with his improperly formed fist, and the pain ricocheted through his fingers. Andre hissed, shaking out his hand. Before he could react, Cal had regained his footing and was charging back toward Andre. The punch he threw took a moment until it started stinging. Andre just blinked in surprise. Cal was looking at him with widened eyes.

“I’m so sorry…” Cal whispered, almost in awe. Touching a hand to his cheek, Andre pulled back with blood on his fingers. Cal had been wearing rings.

Andre was on top of the other boy before he could react. He didn’t miss the way Cal’s head painfully hit the cement. He began bearing down on Cal, revelling in the feeling of his fists against Cal’s face. Only when he heard a sharp crunch and Cal gasped weakly below him did he stop.

Andre blinked. Beneath him, Cal’s face was painted a scarlet red, and his eyes were swollen shut. Andre’s knuckles stung, and his hands were stained the color of Cal. 

He went to get off, but Cal grasped onto his shirt weakly. With the little strength he had, he pulled Andre into a messy kiss. 

Their teeth clashed painfully, and Andre groaned into Cal’s mouth, tasting the bitter tang of his blood. Cal eagerly lapped up the sound, tasting himself in Andre’s mouth as his cuts dripped into their mouths. Andre gasped when Cal bit his tongue, and the sharp pain was swallowed before it came to fruition. 

He didn’t know if he was mad or happy or what. In that moment, they were just Andre and Cal.

When he finally pulled back, Cal’s blood was matted in his hair and smeared over his face.

[jaegahh]

cw: the jjk babies trying out a silly little tiktok trend w dad! toji muehehe

“Dad, get in the frame!”

After a long, long day of begging him to take part in some “challenge” they saw online, he finally gave in. Toji huffs in frustration, fixing his position so that the phone can fit his broad frame. He makes sure to shoot Megumi a sharp Boy,-don’t-raise-your-voice-at-me look before glancing down at the bowl in front of him. He shakes his head in disapproval.

“This the type of food you kids like t’eat?” He pokes at the rim. The bowl is literally sagging.

“…Why’s the guacamole overflowin’?”

Standing closely behind, Yuji bites back a giggle at the older man’s sour face. Nobara, unfortunately unable to make the occasion, shifts her screen to hide her expression on Yuji’s facetime.

Megumi just shakes his head in defeat. Clicking on record, he starts the video.

This was a horrible idea.

“Alright, we’re gonna rate Yuji’s Chipotle order.” The air feels painfully dense as he glances at Toji flicking the damp bowl further away from him. He wearily looks back at the camera. “…I guess.”

Yuji obliviously beams into the video. “Okay! Let me tell you guys what I get. First, I get brown rice,” Yuji looks straight at the camera, “Double. Then some chicken, uh, then… I get… uhhh…”

Nobara’s patience begins to thin. “You get your chicken doubled.”

“Right, right.” Yuji awkwardly clasps his hands together. “Double chicken. Then, um…—”

“—Lettuce, corn, guac, cheese, queso and sour cream.” Nobara finishes for him, now scrolling through different filters. She lets out a satisfied hum once she lands on some pink cat ears. Picking up on the silence (which, concerningly, included Yuji), she dismissively waves her hand. “Continue.”

Megumi rolls his eyes. He makes a mental note to never, ever, ever make a bet with his friends again.

Toji crosses his arms on the table. “So, what d’ya need me for?”

“Uh, you’re trying the food with me??” Megumi grabs his fork, ready to get this bullshit over with.

Toji shoots Megumi another snappy look, taken aback by his sassy attitude. He narrows his eyes at the boy next to him as if to tell him he’d better fix that fuckin’ tone.

While still staring daggers into the teenager next to him, Toji grabs his fork and packs a hefty bite onto it. Glancing at the phone, Toji’s annoyed expression turns into one of genuine concern after seeing the weird ass face Yuji’s making at the camera. Seriously, though… what’s up with the kid’s face? His cheeks look like they’re about to burst in the effort he’s putting into trying to not laugh. The two lock eyes on camera.

“Fix your face, Chipmunk. Y’look like you’re about to shit yourself.”

“Oh, sorry,” the pink haired boy gulps before immediately straightening up his posture, “…S-sir.”

Wasting no more time, Megumi quickly clashes his fork with his dad’s. He won’t wait for anything else to take up his remaining 19 seconds— and God forbid he has to restart the video.

Letting out a shaky breath, he braces for humiliation.

“Cheers,”

Toji’s just about to finish taking his bite when Megumi coughs.

“—the fuck.”

Toji drops his fork.

“What?”

“—What??”

“Excuse me?!”

“What happened??” The 16-year-old stuffs his mouth full of sour cream.

Toji takes his time to finish swallowing the food in his mouth before exploding in Megumi’s face. “What do you mean ‘what’? What the fuck did you just say?” Toji grabs the bowl, forcing Megumi to look at him. The phone they’re recording on slips from the force.

“YUJI!! GET THE PHONE!!!!!”

Nobara shouts at Yuji to get out the way, frantically attempting to position her phone in front of her laptop to record the scene. Yuji struggles to hold back his laughter as he watches Megumi turn red.

“Nothing! All I said was cheers…” Toji eyes are wide, almost like he’s anticipating the next words to come out of his son’s mouth. “………the fuck.”

“Did you just—” Toji looks at Megumi in disbelief. Is he laughing right now?! He looks around the table, grabbing a handful of napkins before throwing the crumpled material at his son’s face.

Megumi’s about to choke and Yuji’s on the floor hollering. Nobara, still green from the Shrek filter she put on 5 seconds ago, is already fantasizing about how viral this video is about to go on TikTok.

Toji grabs the bowl, aggressively pushing his chair back to leave the table.

“You’re sleeping outside tonight.” Toji shouts, already halfway down the hallway to his room, “I’m serious, Fushiguro!”

In reaction to that last bit with his last name being used, Megumi jumps out of his seat, tripping over his own feet as he tries to reach his dad. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time he’s heard of that punishment.

Stumbling, he reaches the hallway just to see that Toji’s already made up his mind with his hand on the doorknob.

“Wait— it was a joke!”

Toji enters the room and slams the door shut, cutting Megumi off, and leaving him genuinely worried in the middle of the hallway.

“Oh my God—” Yuji’s clutching his stomach, holding himself up with a weak hand behind his back. Nobara cackles in the background. “Why would you say it twice?!”

Megumi rolls his eyes at the sight, chuckling with the effect of his friend’s contagious laughter. Walking over to where Nobara goes on about getting 452 views within 1 minute, Megumi grabs the phone off the table, still embarrassed from what just happened, but… weirdly pleased with Yuji’s choice of toppings.

He licks some guacamole off his thumb where it’d splattered after Toji’s little tantrum. He raises a surprised brow at the taste. “His order is actually really good.”

“I know. I made it.” Nobara yawns, pulling her blanket over her chin.

“Mm,” He hums in understanding, watching as the pink haired boy, still on the ground, is suddenly concentrated on some mobile game he’s playing.

Yuji looks over to where Megumi’s looking at him. “What?” He asks, confused as to why his friend is still standing there staring at him. His phone then abruptly slips from his hands, dropping flat onto his face. “Ow…”

Megumi stops staring, looking back down to face Nobara. “Figures.”

Turning to look for the rest of the plate, he found just the crinkled tissue that was thrown at his head. He scans the table, but it’s to no use. There’s no food to be found. His eyes trail up towards the hallway.

“Wait… where did the bowl go?”

Loosely inspired by the lovelies: @/trintheweirdo & @/erikadayshawn on tiktok

a/n: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my loves!! LMAO i did this exact dafuq trend with my little brother & my dad got soooo pissed then stole all our food🤣🤣 this was supposed to be published in light of the whole tiktok ban that was goin on a couple months ago… but I got lazy and forgot😅 Can u guys tell that Yuji’s my fav from jjk hehehe

[umbramoons]

TECH MOMENTS PT. 5

The Bad Batch S1 E1: Aftermath

This one's a doozy, my friends! Enjoy 100+ bullet points and 50+ pics of our favorite clone genius!

- Running through the droids, putting an explosive on everyone he can get his hands on. ❤

- “Hey, clanker! Catch!” (This was the moment I realized that I like him. My brain did a double take, like: "Wait he's attractive.") ❤

- Kicking a droid for no reason ❤

- Walking off the battlefield like it wasn’t even hard.

- I love the little distracted wave he gives General Billaba. Everything about him is just so endearing to me. 

- His voice is a little more deep and raspy than usual while he’s talking about the war ending. Gosh, I’m down so bad for this man.

- He’s the only one who doesn’t have a blaster drawn when they first approach Caleb.

- Tech is one of the ones sent to talk to the regs about what’s going on. Echo makes sense since he’s technically still a reg, too, but why Tech? Because he’s the least likely to cause a problem.

- He’s also the first one to run to talk to the regs. Taking initiative once again.

- Tech: “The regs have been ordered to execute the Jedi.”

Hunter: “What? Which Jedi?” 

Tech: “All of them.” The disbelief in his voice is subtle but there.

- This is a glow-up, people (a small one since he was already pretty, but still)! Tech is gorgeous, and no one can tell me otherwise. ❤

- I love his tiny smile when he finishes explaining how long they’ve been gone.

- The disappointed look on his face when Wrecker doesn’t understand his explanation of how long they’ve been away from Kamino.

- He has the smallest smile on his face when he hears that General Grevious has been defeated.

- “Just like I said.”

- He looks so done when Wrecker punches him.

- When the clones pass by with the body of a Jedi, it’s Tech Hunter shares a look with.

- “Excuse me, trooper, what division are you from?” *gets shoved aside* “Oh. Well, they seem the same to me.” ❤

- He immediately starts working on something once he gets back to their barracks.

- All the formulas and calculations on his bunk wall… a result of his sleepless nights, I’m sure.

- I love the curious look he gives Crosshair when he says they didn’t complete every objective.

- “And my exceptional mind.” I love him an unhealthy amount.

- “My guess is we are immune to the effects of the programming.” *looks at Crosshair* “Though I can’t be one hundred percent certain of it.” He looks so. Kriffing. GORGEOUS.

- “You are more machine than man. Percentage-wise, at least.” His little reassurance to Echo at the end.

- Hunter: “This is one meeting I don’t want to miss.”

Tech: “First time for everything.”

- The way he’s just looking at his datapad throughout the meeting.

- Stepping out of line to ask Hunter what’s wrong. First of all, noticing something’s up with him. And second, it takes some serious courage to break formation like that during such an important briefing while all your superiors can clearly see you.

- “Still don’t think the regs are programmed?”

- Crosshair: “Republic, Empire, what’s the difference?” 

Tech: “The systematic termination of the Jedi is a big one for me.” ❤

- “Adolescent human female. Origins... uncertain.”

- Tech’s mouth quirks up in a tiny smile when Omega says she was wondering when they’d come back. He already likes her.

- His look of surprise when he realizes Omega knows his name.

- The way he stares after Omega in wonder. ❤

- There’s this split second (right after Hunter says "everyone's talking about it) where it looks like he’s looking directly into the camera, and it’s just like, “Well hello there, sir.”

- “Hopefully not mental. Clearly, we’d never pass that.” It's okay, I'm not neurotypical either, babe.

- Leaning around Hunter to see Omega.

- “You want to sit with us? That’s never happened before.”

- He can’t stop grinning at Omega after she says she likes him and his team for not fitting in. ❤

- I love the way his expression shifts when Hunter asks where Omega’s family is. Like, "that's actually a really good point."

- The way his face instantly drops when the regs make a jab at them. At Omega. He’s used to being pushed around, but he’s not pleased to see this precious girl being mocked.

- I love the way he’s all squared up in the background of this fight.

- Calling out a warning to Echo and then running over to the clone who knocks him out. It doesn’t show it, but Tech definitely threw a punch at the guy for hurting his best friend. ❤

- “We’re more deviant than we are defective.”

- “Then we are not being reprimanded?” He’s so used to getting in trouble.

- His eye roll when Wrecker charges into battle without thinking. I thank God every day that we can always see his eyes with those goggles. ❤

- He’s not at all phased by passing through live rounds to get to Wrecker. He’d gladly walk through fire for the people he loves.

- “Wrecker, are you alright?”

- That little head shake when Hunter signals a plan to him. Like he doesn’t think it will work, but he knows they have no other option.

- Wrecker: “Aw, I hate hand signals!” 

Tech: “Perhaps if you memorized them?” 

Wrecker: “Why don’t you memorize them?” 

Tech: “I have.”

- They’re in the middle of a battle, but he’s sitting against those barriers so casually.

- The way he stops Wrecker from crushing the droid.

- Reprogramming the droid, then choosing to ride on its shoulders like a legend. (Note that it looks like he’s the only one to specifically get an impressed reaction out of Tarkin with his performance in this simulation) ❤

- Can I also just say how impressive that was? He completely reprogrammed a hostile droid to follow his commands while under heavy fire. In less than a minute. What a man, what a legend.

- “Wrecker. Look alive.” I feel like he has the capacity to lead, he just doesn’t want to.

- Reaches out to Wrecker (who calls him buddy). “I’m -” *flops down* “not going anywhere.” ❤

- I love the way he takes a deep breath and straightens his posture for a second after Echo and Wrecker help him up.

- “There’s a fundamental difference between taking fire in battle and being used as target practice.” I love how upset he is about this. Also, he’s also backing up Wrecker’s feelings with his own here.

- None of the others make eye contact with Tarkin when he’s examining them. Tech does and practically glares at him. ❤

- I love his expression shift when Tarkin says the insurgents are Separatists. I can’t place the expression, but I love it. It’s almost like “Come on, I thought the war was over. Oh well.”

- I love his little disappointed look when Echo says he can’t crack the files. And then how he immediately offers to help.

- “That’s not going near my rack. I refuse to sleep by a projectile again.” AGAIN?!

- Tech comes right behind Hunter to exit the ship (and then leads them for a significant portion of their walk). Possibly symbolizing his position within the squad.

- Echo: “What was that?”

  Tech: “You don’t want to know.” 😑

- “Easy, Wrecker. Your programming’s kicking in.” I legit laughed out loud at this when I first watched the show. ❤

- His datapad lighting up his eyes makes him look so beautiful.

- Hunter always relies on him.

- The way he instantly senses that something’s wrong when he can’t see any droids in the camp.

- “There aren’t any droids, Wrecker.” You can tell that he’s starting to get a little agitated about this situation.

- Defending both sides when others choose one.

- Tech is the first one to ease up and stand down. Almost the second he hears Hunter start talking, like he knew he was going to tell them to back off. (And his eyes look stunning in that shot when he does. They immediately soften and become non-threatening.) You can just tell how much he and Hunter respect and trust each other. ❤

- He looks so pretty in this warm light of the camp. Who am I kidding, he looks good in every lighting.

- Geeking out over Saw. (And Saw is absolutely staring him down as he does. Like, they’re having a staring contest until he’s handed a weapon to examine. I don’t like that foreshadowing.)

- I also love the look on his face when Cross says “Is that a request?” I just always love his expressions.

- The way he leans forward with the tiniest hint of concern when Saw tells them to look at the insurgents they were sent to destroy. Anyone who says Tech is emotionless hasn’t been paying attention to him at all.

- His offended look when Saw said he thought he was the smart one.

- He is absolutely GORGEOUS in that shot where Crosshair says that the war is over. He’s literally flawless, and he’s perfect.

- “At least with the Republic, we knew where we stood. Tarkin and this Empire are a whole different story.”

- He literally jerks back in surprise when Cross says that Hunter isn’t fit to lead their squad.

- The concerned and confused look on his face when Hunter brings up Omega.

- “I would not discount Omega’s insight. A state of heightened awareness is not unusual for an enhanced clone such as herself.” Standing up for Omega before he knows her that well. ❤

- “When Nala Se spoke of five clones, Tarkin assumed that meant us, but Echo’s a reg. The fifth is Omega.”

- “Well, I thought it was obvious.” Leans against the doorframe like he couldn’t care less. ❤

- That glare when Crosshair suggests leaving Omega on Kamino.

- His little breath before saying “this is unusual” just makes him feel so alive to me.

- I love how he’s constantly glancing over and making eye contact with Crosshair. These two were so close.

- HIS BLACKS. TECH IN HIS BLACKS. Hallelujah for this scene. We wouldn’t be nearly as familiar with everyone's body types without it. Gorgeous man. Everyone likes to talk about Hunter's tiny waist, but Tech's is just as snatched.

- “Well, the mission wasn’t a total failure.” Of course he’s the first one to notice Omega. ❤

- His face is so warm and happy when he sees Omega. And then he immediately shifts to unamused at Crosshair’s complaint. ❤

- He shoots another tiny smile Omega’s way when Hunter says they were looking for her.

- “I never thought you disobeying orders was a problem.” Facts, love.

- Crosshair never directs his anger at Tech. It’s always at the others. Even if Tech does say something he doesn’t like, he doesn’t get mad until someone else expounds upon it, and then he snaps at them. Cross clearly has a favorite here.

- Cross starts shaking his head with clear distress and frustration when Wrecker says that they disobey orders all the time, and you can see that Tech notices it. He tilts his head and frowns a little bit. ❤

- The concerned look he and Echo exchange when Crosshair starts to confront Hunter again.

- He looks freaked out when the guards hit Hunter. 

- Reaching out for Crosshair when they take him away. That broke my heart when I first noticed it. ❤

- The way he bounces his leg when he’s thinking hard. ❤

- “I’ve got it! Why didn’t I think of it before?”

- He talks with his hands. ❤

- Covering his mouth when Wrecker talks too loud.

- Running his fingers over the wall to see where the weak point is. ❤

- The confusion and worry on his face when Wrecker says it still didn’t work. Gorgeous, gorgeous.

- The way he glances over at Hunter (or probably the guards) before going over to help Wrecker. Ugh, he’s literally perfect.

- “Oh, yes it did.” ❤

- Bending a metal panel with his bare hands like it’s nothing. My man is strong! I love how he doesn’t follow the trope of the nerdy character being weak.

- Wrecker: “I’ll never fit through that!” 

Tech shakes his head. “Astute as always, Wrecker.”

- I love the way he rolls his eyes and facepalms when Wrecker blows their cover.

- Grabbing a blaster and stunning the last conscious guard. He shoots twice, just to be sure, and carries the blaster. He’s such a boss.

- Turning to confirm the guards aren’t dead (or going to follow them) before leaving the brig.

- Tech looks so cute when he tells Wrecker to hold still.

- I love how Tech serves as the unofficial medic (with Echo’s help, of course).

- Omega: “I guess I got lucky.”

Tech: “She's not the only one.” *gestures to Wrecker without looking up* ❤

- "What's the plan, Hunter?"

- Omega: “What about your friends? Could any of them help us?” 

Tech: “That would be a short list.” 

- The way he leans in and smiles so brightly when Omega asks that question.

- His smile when Hunter tells him to plot a course for J-19. ❤

- I love the way he shakes his head with clear affection when Wrecker cheers this time.

[slippinninque]

🤳🏾Just a Lil' Fun📱

Just a little fun for the middle of the week! 🤭

Fontaine x blackfemreader

Fontaine: (barely looking at the camera as he rolls a blunt) I'm passing the phone to someone who's only afraid of the dark when she ain't alone.

You (laughing ): Woooow, coming out swinging?! I can be tough on my own 'case I don't have no other choic--that's why you're here, baby!"

------

You: I'm passing the phone to someone that used a Disney quote to flirt on our second date.

Fontaine (barely on camera as he passed the phone right back) 'M passing the phone to someone that a folded at a Disney quote.

(Your mouth opened but stayed that way as you thought about it, eyes ticking upward as you searched for a comeback before dramatically falling against Fontaine)

You: Well, what girl wouldn't want to be told their eyes shine like sapphires!

Fontaine (smugness all in his expression, kisses the top of your head as you laughy helplessly at yourself)

-------

Fontaine: I'm passing the phone to someone who cried--

You: You always bringing up old stuf--

Fontaine (loud enough to be heard over you): who cried at a Marvel Movie--

You (reaching desperately for the phone as Fontaine holds you off) IT WAS LOVE AND THUNDER, WHERE'S YOUR HEART TIN MAN?!

---------

You (loudly and clearly in retaliation): I'm passing the phone to someone that got so mad at Taye Diggs they walked out---

Fontaine (just as loud in his refusal to be shamed as he takes the phone) : 'Cause why would you even do that stupid shit?! Forehead kissin' this broad while your pregnant-ass wife is upstairs upset--

You (smacking your lips but listening on with a clear affection in your voice): Okay, yeah, but it's Nia Lo--

Fontaine: and why the hell is said broad making it all about her-- she ain't the one dropping ornaments and-and can't do her baby's hair and shit! And why the fuck is it you don't never put the book away right?! You let Morris find it again? Huh, Nia?!

(as Fontaine rants on, you watch with bubbles cheeks as you try to swallow down the peels of your laughter)

--------

You: I'm passing the phone to someone who swung on a pigeon on our first date--

Fontaine: I was protecting you and I still get shit for it...

You: Sir, you, like, swung on that bird like it had a cracked bottle to my neck. You lucky I like that caveman shit--

Fontaine (indignantly blowing out a train's worth of smoke from pursed lips) Excuse me--caveman?

You: I'm talkin' full on, 'hungahunga bird get from woman!' mink-mink!

(tussling ensures with the phone being tossed about in the covers and in between your play)

-------

You: I'm passing the phone to a big ol' baby!

Fontaine (camera view is flipped to see him petulantly holding out his elbow, refusing to take the phone): You hurt me, kiss it.

You: (as you zoom in on where he accusingly pointed to the faint imprint of teeth marks encircling the point of his elbow) 'Taine, I barely nibbled you!

(Fontaine makes a grunting noise and jerked his elbow pointedly)

You: Fine, fine, fiiiiiiiine...

(the video picks up what could be Fontaine saying "you gotta make the noise or it ain't gonna work" followed by loud smooches.)

-----

Fontaine: 'm passin' the phone to someone who don't never take anythin' serious.

(you were off screen but your tone was tone buccal, loud, and offended) Ya tryna cawll me a cwlown? Ywou wanna fwight, bwuster?!

(Fontaine immiately ducks away from teh camera but his laughter is heard, caught behind his teeth)

You (full Donald Duck mode now as you sang) : Dwon't mawke me cwose one more dowor, I dwon't wanna hwurt any mwore, stway in my awrms if ywou dawre or muwst I imaaaaaaaagwine ywou thwere, dwon't walk awawy frowm meeee....

Fontaine (struggling to speak past his laughter) : Get yo' lil crazy ass off of me!

You (you finally come into camera in from of an ankle resting on the top of his head): Mwake me hawndsowme!

(The camera refocused in the quick moment of Fontaine turning back to face it the expression on his face tender. The expression fell into mischief as he could be seen reaching up and taking hold of your ankle)

------

(The next video is short and incoherent as it was lost in the whirlwind of Fontaine's sudden tickle attack upon your foot. Only your screaming and his villainous laughter crackled through)

------

You: (aiming a satisfied little smile at the camera) I'm passing the phone to someone who's really into the unserious shit...

(You gently prop the phone in Fontaine's open palm, his other arm wrapped around your waist as he nuzzled sleepily into your stomach. At some point he swapped his durag for your bonnet. The bed was in disarray, pillows and sheets thrown in a messy nest around you both. You swing the camera to face you as you blew it a kiss, the last image being your hand massaging Fontaine's back)

------------

ending notes: few spoilers for Best Man Holiday and Aristocats. Forgive the formatting as this was incredibly self-indulgent! I just wanted to drop a bit to hold us all over! 🤭🤣 Tell me what you think! Please comment and reblog 🤸🏾‍♀️💜💜

taglist: @megamindsecretlair @thadelightfulone @mag1calenchantr3ss @cocoeffects @wide-nose-and-wonderful @8ttached @thadelightfulone @hobiesmain @thickeeparker @longpause-awkwardsmile @ms-angiealsina @educatorsareslutstoo @mysterychick93 @sageispunk@hunnishive@notapradagurl7 @mcondance @longpause-awkwardsmile @ms-angiealsina@educatorsareslutstoo@miyuhpapayuh @mogul93 @kindofaintrovert @blowmymbackout @mcondance @kindofanenigma @harmshake @hunnishive

[kanzakurawrites]

Random Thoughts I Had While Rewatching Descendants 1

So I'm guessing Auradon is the size of Eurasia? Cause Europe seems too small, and most of the stories take place in Europe.

Are there Isle guards? I'm guessing because how else do the posters of Beast get put on the Isle?

Beast's crown looks so fake

So is that Ben's dorm room? Or is that his castle room? Is he a day student? (Which, considering he's becoming High King would be smart) I'm curious now

How many outdoor string lights do people in Auradon throw out?

HOW DOES THE ISLE HAVE ELECTRICITY? Are there villains dedicated to keeping it running? Actually, that would be hilarious, especially if that means people don't mess with them. OR they do mess with them and there are just frequent power outages. More likely, now that I think about it.

CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT MALEFICENT'S LETTER MAGNETS! Ha, what if Hades left them there and she just never threw them out? He seems more like the one to have letter magnets.

I don't care about the book timeline, the villains and core four all seem a lot more familiar with each other than just a few weeks or days or whatever. I'm saying its been months at least since the core four became a gang. If not a year.

I know its a Dcom, but I kinda wish that the villains weren't treated as comedy relief. Like, its implied that the kids aren't loved, that they are scared of their parents, but the way the parents are written... excluding the end with Maleficent, they don't seem that scary and all.

Seriously, there must be royal guards, right?

Really wish we had gotten to see the limo driver again.

Have to admit, I really like Ben's darker suit jacket. But why, why the yellow pants.

Ugh, I love Mal's D1 hair.

So... where are the magical people. "Most of us are ordinary royals." Yes, but, but, there is a lot of magic is Disney movies. Where have the magical people GONE. This is concerning.

Auradon Prep is FILLED with royal children, including the soon-to-be High King. The museum is filled with priceless magical artifacts. WHERE IS THE SECURITY. WHERE ARE THE GUARDS.

The beginning of Evil Like Me makes me want to hug Mal.

Are there NO SECURITY CAMERAS?? No other alarms??

WHY ARE THEY HAVING REMEDIAL GOODNESS OUT IN THE OPEN. That should be a PRIVATE class.

Ben, how did you not notice Carlos screaming?

How I wish they would have kept Evie's wavy/curly hair

I really wish there had been more Mal-Jay moments

They were in a public area. How did no one notice what was going on with Ben? DOUG WAS RIGHT BEHIND THEM

You know, none of Ben's classmates seem surprised by his love declaration. Or surprised by the "break up" with Audrey. Hmmm.

You cannot convince me that Ben didn't purposefully tell his parents about Mal right then JUST so he could have a picture of their reaction.

Baby Bal is so cute DX

Honestly, the Family Day fiasco was Audrey and Chad's fault KING BEAST

"No son, its yours." EXCUSE ME SIR

I wonder how much magical strength one must have in order to wield Fairy Godmother's wand. And I feel bad that Jane couldn't.

"I want to go to school. And be with Ben. Because Ben makes me really happy." Don't mind me just crying.

This whole scene makes me cry DX

"Gaston should be jealous." Ew. No. Stop. Creepy.

So whatever happened with the Jay/Audrey thing? I CANNOT be the only one who remembers the shipping days for them.

Other thoughts:

Nostalgia hits hard every time

I miss the D1 clothes! D2 and D3 felt more "costumey" if that makes sense. D1 feels more like... teenagers. And, at least for the Isle outfits, more thrown together. Not as polished, in a way.

I have to admit, kinda wish there was more Aladdin related stuff in the movie. You have Audrey and Mal, Evie and Doug, and Carlos and Dude, but no Aladdin-related characters for Jay? Sure, Aziz is mentioned in the books, and Jordan is in Wicked World, but still. Oh well.

[suzie-shooter]

Detroit Indycar GP :  James Blair race commentary highlights

“Dare I say - strap yourselves in, 'cause this could be a long one. This could be lengthy.”

(James at this point blissfully unaware he's about to spend the next two and a half hours in exquisite agony unable to look at his phone while knowing it's blowing up) 

They reckon the track's a little bit of a pig of a thing from chatting to a couple of the guys over there. Some have said, and I won't name names, that it's the worst track they've ever been to in their life.  

Indy500 last week, I didn't unfortunately catch it. (it's ok James we know you were getting steamed on a superyacht at the time)

A lot of discussion around a couple of things. First of which was who's the hottest Indycar driver? [...] For me though I think I have to go into the Newgarden camp, as far as just raw hotness. He also has piqued an interest in the role of the financial services sector which is attractive to me. It's a trait I look for in all my lovers.

(sticking the rest under a read more because it gets LONG)

We're going to get a replay here of Pato O'Ward making a total penis of himself at turn three in Indianapolis.

Getting replays of Newgarden with lipstick on his face and pouring milk on his head - without context that could sound like a real night out.

Fuck me, what a waste of time that monologue was. Jesus Christ.

I've already labelled [Newgarden] the hottest in the paddock. [...] What a stallion. What a total stallion. Backbone even.

There's a shot of Marcus in the background there, getting his kit off.

Little bit of insurance chat for you there.

The Canadian national anthem. Well this is a strange turn of events.

There's Marcus and Lissie. Guess it's out now. Pffft.

Ohh there's so many messages coming in *wheezes* (never has a man managed to simultaneously look so pleased with himself and so absolutely horrified 😆)

Sorry. What for? Nothing.

And then it's Marcus Armstrong P11, car number 11. Fuck he loves a P11. Fuck me he loves a P11.

Few opinions flying around. [...] I'm not saying anything sir. [...] I'm just going to get the live timing open. And we're not going to talk about that.

I can't wait to speak to [Clem]. Tough day for him.

We can ride on board Kyle Kirkwood's camera, so I can keep an eye on the arse of Marcus Armstrong. Business as usual here at Screaming Meals.

"Has he started showering because of her?" I don't believe so.

I want [the winner] to be Armstrong, he's got rapid pace, I don't know how he managed to shit the bed in Q2 yesterday the way he did.

You know that meme, right? Of Carlos Sainz - being like - shall I do the accent? Yeah, fuck it I'll do the accent - "I seriously don't know how to react right now." That's how I feel.

Pull yourself together Blair. It's going to be a long couple of hours.

Sack Monaco off. The only reason I went this year is 'cause Marcus wasn't racing at the 500. But dare I say if he is racing next year you won't catch me anywhere near Sass Cafe on Sunday night. I will be up it in Indianapolis.

Hahahaha ohhhh you will not believe who's just text me....it ain't Clem.

Flava Flav was there on Friday which was pretty cool. Flava Flav...second biggest celebrity in Detroit right now.

This is record numbers for a commentary.

Where's Armstrong? Fucking around as per usual.

Next pod - hopefully in the next couple of days.  Marcus is flying back I think tomorrow. Don't know who the guest's going to be on the next pod. We haven't really got around to arranging that yet. Sort of flying by the seat of our pants so to speak.

F for Ilott [...] he'll have an excuse, sure as death and taxes, Callum Ilott will have a reason for what happened and why it wasn't his fault. From where I'm sitting that does look like a bit of a fuck up, I hate to throw him under the bus.

Callum Ilott's car looking like it was taking a fancy to the back end of Kyle Kirkwood's car, to get little a bit National Geographic on it.

Anyone got any questions? That you think I'll actually answer? "Tell us about Monaco," I'll tell you about Monaco. "Where's Clem?" Clem is in Barcelona, drinking a lot of sangria. 

"When are you and Clem announcing together?" Pretty sure me and Clem were already pretty public, so, um, I don't know how much more social media attention that particular relationship needs.

Dream podcast guest? I'd like to get on like some real psychopath and just give them a hard time.

That's going to make things a little bit more straightforward, and I needed that this evening, because something tells me that by the time I've finished this Twitch stream, things might not be so straightforward.

[Marcus is] getting absolutely fondled verbally by the commentators here and I'm loving every second of it.

I reckon next lap he's going to be all over him, like sauce.

I'm going to be bald at the end of this race. Balder than Marcus Armstrong.

Callum looks angry. Okay, he did say it's his bad, so I'm not going to get an absolute tongue lashing from Ilott which sounds filthier than I meant it to, for saying that that one might be his fault.

Nobility and humility exemplified as per usual from Callum 'Pilot' Ilott there.

There's actually a few things in the works, with a couple of different organisations and people which should mean that the days of the lengthy gaps between Screaming Meals episodes could be numbered. And that's all I'm legally allowed to say.

Marcus is back to P11 somehow.

We'd quite like to get some Formula E guys, we'd quite like to get some more industry people. Such as, you know, for example, you know, maybe Lissie Mackintosh, she was a good industry person that we had on. Marcus really liked her actually.

Power's on fire. Not literally.

Grosjean's just taken a different piece of tarmac and he's gonna go straight to the pitlane, I'm not even sure if that's for a pitstop, I think that could just be to avoid embarrassment.

There's a lot of people watching me all of a sudden and everyone keeps talking about Max Fewtrell so I can only imagine that this is his fault, but I'm streaming off my phone so I can't actually phone him to figure out whether or not this is his fault. Okay, so Max sent all of his viewers here. Thank you Max, appreciate the gesture.

So. Yeah. I found out the week leading up to Long Beach. And Clem was with me at the time, and we were in Malibu actually, and he'd been winding me up all week about like celebrities that he'd seen and I didn't see [...] and the phone rings and we get this piece of news and I just kicked off, I said right, I've had enough of both of you trying to wind me up with these stupid false celebrity stories, just - shut up, like - talk about something else -  good try but you're not getting me that easy. And then the longer the silence went on, the longer I - the worse I thought the joke was getting. And then it went on further and I realised it wasn't a joke. And - all - all is well in the world of Screaming Meals. It's all good, it's all good. But it has been a funny few months. That's all you're getting. Watch the viewer number plummet.

Gearbox issue [for Pato] by the looks of it. Oh no! Anyway.

Armstrong's done Malukas, good job [...] so Armstrong to P12. Right in between his two favourite positions. I'm staying way away from that one.

An open diff which again sounds quite dirty.

He'll be saying get the fuck out of the way inside his lid. No, he probably won't be, he's pretty chilled behind the wheel actually, Marcus. Before and after the race he's an absolute misery to be around, but during the race he's usually actually pretty calm.

The two Marcuses of Chip Ganassi Racing, or Marci as they should be known in correct Latin [...] I think that can be a thing, Marci? The two Marci? Does sound a little bit like some sort of disease though, no? You decide in the chat, is Marci is the plural of Marcus? I mean they've got to come up with some sort of solution at Chip Ganassi Racing. I guess they probably call them like normal Marcus and like Marcus Armstrong. Or maybe shower-Marcus and non-shower-Marcus. Or underwear-Marcus and non-underwear-Marcus, I mean the options are limitless.

Pato O'Ward searching around the car for somebody else to blame.

What does twitter look like? Is it a complete nightmare or is it somewhat civilised? I don't even know why I asked [...] 'twitter is mad' - oh no! [...] 'all good - for Lissie' - oh god [...] hey look I need to know how my Monday looks tomorrow people. Jeepers creepers.

Armstrong got drilled by Newgarden.

Here's O'Ward - whose fault was it this time?

Apparently tumblr's lost it [...] it's been a long time since I've had a tumblr account.

Somebody's just said I have full permission to pick their next tattoo. Um. Here's what I was thinking of getting - and I don't have any tattoos and I don't want any tattoos - but I was thinking if I did get one I'd get one like here [his forearm] to try and be a fake Love Islander. And I'd either get something that is really important to me or something that is completely stupid like for example, 'I'll have the tuna carpaccio'...would be something that's really meaningful to me.

So we're an hour and forty into this stream and I've not had the opportunity to check my phone - let's keep this in mind - once since it started. I feel like a plane that was also in the air in 9/11 and you've just got no idea the horrors that await you when you land.

Screaming Meals merch - it's imminent but it's not this week, put it that way.

It looks like Herta's going to have a tough time with that front wing going forward, it's already flapping around like nobody's business, like a big dick in a locker room.

Little bit of rubbing - bit rude [...] just a little bit of a love rub from Rossi up the inside of Rosenqvist.

If [Grosjean] does get a penalty it's another spot for Armstrong so if you ask me he's guilty as sin, but I'm not exactly sure what the crime was.

'We' being Marcus Armstrong, if you hadn't pieced that one together, because it's a collective, it's a team effort, and I like to take credit that I'm probably not entitled to.

Ilott's bull really did try to mount his cow there.

Come on Armstrong, pull your finger out of your arse.

Marcus apparently taking some credit for some things that I said. Situation normal.

[RLL] were actually looking like one of our options at one point last year. But we got Ganassi...and we're very happy, we love Ganassi here at Screaming Meals.

Graham Rahal's going to want to just go back to his hotel room, order a Pizza Hut and just about all of the hotel room porn that the TV has to offer.

Marcus has done fucking well to avoid that one, because he's swung round the corner at full tit and he's had to really stick the arse out a bit and get it round him.

Dixon says he's got speed, apparently. Sounds like a good night out.

Matt...somebody very popular called Matt has just joined the...oh Matt! G'day Matt Gallagher, how you going mate?

Come on Armstrong, just get on the button [...] and he's been caught napping a bit on the restart, you useless prick.

666 viewers...

Armstrong or Dixon - don't you make me answer that question. Nah, not answering that one. I don't know if I can. I couldn't answer it if I wanted to.

Does Kirkwood still have to pit or is he good? I don't know. James are you okay? I don't know.

And now we're having to fend off Ericsson - just put him in the wall Marcus, we can't afford to give up P7 now.

And it's going to be Armstrong with a best equal result of P8 in the NTT Data Indycar series and um - yeah. I wonder what the rest of his day's going to look like...

[runningfrom2am]

pretty famous - d.s.

summary: drew is a big fan, why didn't anyone tell him that mason was invited to the premiere?!

this is set with 'kinda famous' but from drew's pov :)

wc: 0.9k

tags/warnings: none!! unedited?? meet cute part two??

requests (currently closed- feel free to send whatever but it will be a while before I get to them!)

nav/masterlists

series masterlist

"Is Mason still coming tonight?" Madelyn asks, phone pressed to her ear. Drew's head snaps to face her, stepping over and leaning in to hear the call. "Sorry, Este, one second..." She sighs, facing Drew now and taking a step back. "Excuse me, can I help you, sir?"

"Who are you talking to?" 

"My makeup artist..?" She answers, her brow raised at him now as she covers the mic on her phone with her free hand.

"Why is Mason coming?" Drew asks, clearing his throat. "Like Mason Mason, right? Mason Bell?"

"Yes... And she's coming because I invited her. Now, if you don't mind, we have important matters to discuss." Madelyn giggles, rolling her eyes and lifting the phone to her ear to resume her conversation.

Drew raises his hands, stepping back away from her to resume what he was previously doing- grabbing breakfast and sitting down with the rest of the cast who were already eating.

"Did you guys know Mason is coming tonight?" He interrupts their previous conversation as he sits down, everyone looking over at him.

Everyone nods, looking around at each other. "Yeah, I mean, Mads said she was inviting her." Maddie explains.

"Was I actually the only one who didn't know?" Drew whispers, leaning forward and pressing his palms to the table.

"I didn't know if she was coming for sure, I just heard she was invited." Austin shrugs, mouth full of cereal.

Chase laughs, looking over Drew's expression. "Dude, we all know you only have a massive crush on her. Mads didn't want you to be nervous. It'll throw off your vibe."

"No, it won't!" Drew insists. "I don't have a crush on her... I just like her music, and so do you guys, I don't see the difference here."

"You think she's hot, is the difference." Rudy chimes in, pointing his fork at him. "You told me so."

"Okay, but that's an objective fact. I'm not crazy or anything."

"The crazy part is questionable. She is hot, though." JD says, not looking up from his phone as Rudy shrugs in admitted agreement.

"Guys, please, she's a self-made professional. Show some respect." Maddie says, a cheeky smile on her face. "Besides... You wouldn't want to make Drew jealous."

"I'm not!" Drew defends, sighing and dropping his head into his hands. 

"Mason is coming! It's official." Mads confirms, walking up to the table and grabbing Drew's shoulders over the back of his chair, giving him a gentle shake. 

He groans, rubbing his palms into his face to hide how red he feels his cheeks getting.

Drew is already staring across the carpet at Mason when she walks out, hands held together nervously in front of her until she lifts one to wave at the cameras as everyone starts shouting her name. She looks beautiful. In person, she had almost a soft glow emitting from her skin- and Drew had to blink a few times to confirm he wasn't losing his mind, but he still might be. She somehow lit up an already incredibly well-lit room, it must be some kind of post-breakup glow that he had never seen before. Having heard the story of what happened with Mason's ex, it was a genuine mystery to Drew how someone could be so stupid.

"Go talk to her." Drew turns as someone nudges his side, looking down to see Madelyn. 

"No, no. Look, she's busy. I'll introduce myself later." Drew shakes his head, wrapping his arm around her waist upon hearing their names being shouted at them for pictures.

Madelyn rolls her eyes, giving him a gentle shove before returning to her original pose. "If it helps, Este said she's a big fan of the show."

"Well, I'd hope so. She's here, after all."

"I should clarify, she's a big fan of Rafe."

"Really?" Drew asks, his posed smile forming into a genuine one.

"Yep." Madelyn nods, popping the 'p'. This wasn't fully true, but she did know Mason watched the show, and she did really like it. She just hoped this would give Drew the confidence boost she figured he needed, knowing that otherwise, he would avoid her all night out of nerves.

"That might be a red flag." Drew jokes. "What if she's crazy?"

"Este is her best friend. If she was truly crazy, I would know." 

Drew nods towards her. "That's a good point."

"I know. Now go talk to her."

"Okay, but-"

"Dude! Just... walk up to her and pretend to bump into her or something. It'll work. Trust me." Chase cuts in suddenly, hands shoved in his pockets. 

"Okay... Yeah." Drew nods, glancing back at Mason again and adjusting the cuffs of his suit before brushing it off.

"You look great. Just go." Madelyn giggles, pushing him towards her.

Drew turns, taking a deep breath and pausing for just a moment while he admires her talking to Noah. She looks slightly uncomfortable, so this might actually be a good time to jump in and save her. 

He makes his way over, ignoring his name being called several times with his sights set on the low-cut back of Mason's green dress. “No! God, no, I’d never want that for him. I wish him all the success in the world, which just means something different for both of-“ He hears her speaking, not slowing his walk as he walks close enough to bump her, but not to fully take her out.

Drew is quick to grab her waist to steady her as she fell forward more than he intended, mentally cursing himself for not considering that heels may throw off her balance. 

“Sorry, sweetheart. Didn’t mean to knock you there.”

taglist: @bookishbabyyy@madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury@fullfledgedemo@rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr, @alimaythings, @chenslucy, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @tahliac11, @saccharinesammie, @suzyheartsrafe, @maybankslover, @redhead1180, @lovelyxtommy, @thelomlisrafecameron, @realwifeofjackharlow

[thephonemenarentreal]

Tiny bit of Cameraman OC brainrot for everyone! <3 Explaining a bit of the Prattle and Tattle LORE

Title: If All I Got is You, Bro Rating: PG Featured Characters: Prattle and Tattle (Cameraman Ocs)

Warnings: mentor figure berating, yelling parental figure, wholesome bro feels

Summary: Everyone told Tattle he was giving up on everything, but to him, he was finding something that meant more than everything.

-------------------------------

“You are throwing your life away,”

Tattle sat before the desk of his mentor, staring hard at his hands. They were resting lightly on his knees, although the fingers curled slightly with every word said. His lens remained fixed on them as he refused to look up at the camera before him that had been his mentor all his life. A father figure. A friend.

Now an angry higher-up chewing him out for his failures all over again.

For the first time in a long while, Tattle had nothing to say. He never had anything to say before his mentor except yes sir. Of course sir. It won’t happen again sir.

That had always been their relationship after all. He was a unit made to be an officer. It was expected. All of his training to this point was geared towards him being able to take the reigns and lead others into battle. He was to climb the ranks and become one of the higher ups in time and sit in the swanky office to bark orders at everyone else.

That had been what he was made to do, coded to do. It was what he had trained to do.

Now though, Tattle sat here in an office, silent, hands in his lap, refusing to look at his mentor and the papers laying on the desk between the two of them.

“This promotion is your future, Tiberius. This is what you are made for, what you trained so hard to be. You did not train to become some common soldier,” his mentor leaned forward, fixing him in the lens of his camera, “And to change your name to something so ridiculous, what the hell are you thinking?”

Tattle didn’t speak, hands gripping hard at his knees as he tried to find his voice, but it was hard when he was alone. Skewered to his seat like this under his mentor’s disappointed glare, the younger cameraman wanted nothing more than to stutter into apologies and quickly fix the situation.

But he didn’t.

He was trembling but he fought hard to try and force his processors to say something.

All that came out was a faint, croaked out, “I know,”

“You know. What do you know Tiberius? Tell me! Please enlighten me as to why you are doing this?”

“My…my name is Tattle,” he finally managed out, “Not Tiberius,”

“Cut the crap. That name is ridiculous. No officer would ever have-“

“I’m not an officer, so it doesn’t matter what my name is,” Tattle blurted out, “So yes, I’m Tattle now and…and I am just a basic unit,”

He didn’t dare to look up at the looming cameraman before him. Right now his mentor felt like he might be the size of a titan with how his aura hung heavy in the room. Tattle felt so small then. Small, weak, and utterly useless, but he clung to the choice he made.

The first choice he had actually made in his entire life of just doing what his mentor wanted. All the books he sat in front of studying for harder and harder tests, the various tutoring sessions spent making sure his grades in the military academy would set him apart as an exemplary. He had put everything into this moment, to be seen and to be offered a position as an officer.

Now he was turning it down, all just to stick close to someone who made him feel like his voice mattered.

“You are a disgrace, you know that? You are going to throw everything away, just like that? You are going to deprive the Alliance of an officer, forgo your duty to protect this world, for what?” his mentor leaned forward, the contempt dripping off each word, “Some bubmbling excuse of a unit that barely even got through basic,”

Tattle’s hands curled tight into fists as he gave a nod, “Yeah,”

It was the only word he could get out and it felt so small, so damn weak. He wanted so much to speak louder, to shout out all the reasons why he was doing this, to lay out on the table all the things he had never said before, but he only got out a single word. A solitary single little word like he was spitting on a titan’s foot and expecting that to do anything.

“Yeah. That is all you can say? You can’t even begin to defend your idiotic choices!?”

Tattle jumped as the papers were knocked off the desk and a hand grabbed tight onto his collar, yanking him forward. Now Tattle was finally forced to look up into the angry lens of his mentor and feel like he was about to be swallowed up by that abyss, the light below all but blinding as it glowed with hideous anger.

“You are weak! A disgrace! You know that?! You spent all this time, all this energy, and for what? Wasting my time, wasting the time of all your trainers. Wasting the time of the Alliance that sunk resources into shaping you into a commander!”

The hand slammed on the desk and Tattle jumped before he yelped as he was shoved back into his chair by his mentor. Still he sat up again, returning to the polished posture of one trained to be an officer. He sat there, ram-rod straight with a posture broken into him from the moment he came online. His vents flared, trying to suck in air as he so desperately sought out his voice in all the jumble of emotions in his head.

“M-maybe…maybe you should have asked, from the start if this…if this is what I ever wanted,” Tattle stammered out, “Instead of…just making me do it, sir,”

“You never said no,”

He wanted to scream it was because he was scared and because he thought there was no other options. That his life and all other units were pre-made for certain roles and no one had a choice but to do their duty. That they couldn’t just say no or just walk away. That even a titan couldn’t decide one day to just not be themselves.

Not until he met Prattle.

Not until he realized that at the end of the day, if he didn’t want to do something, if he wasn’t cut out for it, if he was terrified of everything he had to become and wanted a life made with his own hands, that it was there.

Even if it was scary to pull away.

He wasn’t alone. Even as he sat there in that room alone with the monster that was his mentor glaring down at him, he wasn’t alone and, in the end, everything eventually passed. Every hurt was a temporary thing. Every fear a passing moment.

“I am saying no now sir,” Tattle managed to say quietly, “And...and I’m not changing my mind,”

He saw the other cameraman’s grip tighten on the edge of his desk, like he would leap forward to bash in Tattle’s head for his words. Instead, there was a heavy exhale of fans as his mentor sat back in his chair, his lens still fixed viciously upon Tattle.

“I am going to make sure you’ll never get a chance to move up in the ranks, Tattle,” his mentor spat, “You’ll be stuck as some common unit, in the worse assignments imaginable for the rest of your goddamn life!”

“That’s fine sir,” Tattle said quietly, “I’ll do my part,”

His mentor was seething before he pulled back at last, putting his back to Tattle, “Get out of my sight,”

Tattle rose to his feet stiffly and gave a polite bow to his mentor, his former mentor now, and gave a salute, “Yes sir,”

He left that office feeling in a strange sort of daze. Nothing felt really real as he walked away from that office for probably the last time. Some part of him knew the two of them would never talk again. Probably wouldn’t ever see each other again. Something about that hurt deep in Tattle’s chest to think the unit that taught him everything, that stood by his side for everything was now going to be gone, it almost felt like seeing a friend die.

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

He didn’t run out of the office like some scared unit. He walked out, hands behind his back, every inch a trained officer, even if he held his head low. His crisp black suit felt heavy on his shoulders as he walked. He left the offices where the higher ups and officers of the Alliance took their seats, organizing and preparing for battle.

He walked out of the barrack entirely, pass units that were going about their own preparations, some getting ready for drills and other basic training of the academy. He kept walking until he was out at the miserable scrap of what could have been a garden but no one cared to maintain it. It was said that some civil engineer had made it but had departed after the big fight at the base.

It meant though people didn’t really care to frequent the place, making it a perfect space for the double-trouble fools of the Alliance.

“Oi! Tattle!”

The cameraman jolted before relaxing as he saw the white cameraman in the black bow tie sitting on one of the overgrown benches, waving a hand excitedly, “There you are!”

“Prattle!”

He breathed out the name with relief, hurrying over, “I’m glad you’re here!”

“You dolt! I told you I would be here,” Prattle huffed, crossing his arms, “I told you I wouldn’t leave the Alliance if you were going to stick it out,”

“I know,” Tattle paused before collapsing into the seat next to him, “I guess…well,”

He fidgeted, looking away, “My mentor, I guess ex-mentor, more or less tossed me out of his office and told me to go die in a toilet bowl,”

“Took it that bad did he?”

Tattle nodded, “Oh yeah. I think my future as an officer of any kind is well and truly dead,”

Saying that out loud was both a relief and a bitter hole in his chest, but he didn’t regret the choice. Not for a moment. Prattle was quiet a moment before he reached over, taking Tattle’s hand in his own to give it a squeeze, “Sorry about that. I know you really tried and all. Always the one studying and taking this all so seriously,”

Tattle laughed, “I think I only tried to keep other people happy,” he said, voice tired, “Most days I just…wanted to toss it aside and do something else. Like being a workaholic, thinking that if I didn’t do my best the world would crumble, well, that…that wasn’t me,”

He looked down at where Prattle was holding his hand, giving it a tight squeeze, “I really hated you at first, you know?” Tattle said quietly, “How you never took anything seriously and getting under my wires with how loud and careless you seemed. I think now I was just jealous you could be that and no one was breathing down your neck to do better,”

“Heh, well, same to you! I hated you because you had everything and all that drive and ability, made me feel like I was just a dollar store toaster! Like what was the point of me being here in this army when they had units like you?” Prattle returned the squeeze of the hand, “Guess we both were kind of like two peas in a miserable pod,”

“I like to think of us like a peanut butter and pickle sandwich. You don’t think we go together, but we go together so good, or so I’m told,” Tattle laughed, “Given neither of us can eat food or ever were human to know food,”

“It is the metaphor that counts,” Prattle said with a nudge.

The two fell into a quiet, companionable silence and it still felt strange to Tattle he was sitting with Prattle. They really had hated each other and gone for the throat like a pair of feral skibidis when they first met. From day one of the academy even. Theodore and Tiberius, a pair of trouble-makers always getting in trouble with each other due to some fight. Plenty of loud arguments and shouting had been had. They had pranked each other a dozen times and caught numerous poor souls in the cross-hairs.

They had been rivals of the utmost hate, completely opposites in every way, or so it seemed.

Now though, there wasn’t a person in this whole world Tattle trusted more to be at his side. When all was said and done, the two of them always ended up in the same boat, a pair of idiots, sandwiched together.

“So now what?” Prattle asked.

“Well, guess we wait for our assignments,” Tattle said with a quiet laugh, “And give how much my ex-mentor wants to see me in the dirt, I think we are going to have either some lethal battle where we are going to be thrown in front of the skibidis as bait so the titan can kill them and look badass, or we are going to get some really boring duty like guarding the High Commander’s bathroom or something,”

Prattle gave a snort, “Well, both sound fine enough, right? We’ll make do with it, as long as we are together,”

“Yeah,” Tattle leaned against the other cameraman, “We should really make a statement though to make sure everyone now knows we come as a pair,”

“And black is not our color,” Prattle added, “Maybe we try blue eh? Blue is allowed,”

“Navy blue,” Tattle said with a chuckle, “They actually allowed that color because they thought we were going to have like a navy instead of the ten ships moving about,”

“Think it is down to six? Four of them vanished in a terrible hurricane or something and sunk,” Prattle said with a shrug, “Hey, maybe they will put us on a boat. I always wanted to see beaches,”

“And oceans,” Tattle said with a sigh, “I think when the war is over, I’m going to open some little restaurant or rental shop on a beach. Just relax and go about my own business and chat with locals and tourists alike,”

“That sounds nice. We could do it together!” Prattle said with a happy tilt of his head.

“Well duh! We do everything together! That’s what true bros are for!”

Prattle nodded before hopping up to his feet and placing his hands on his hips, “You know, in all the stories and movies and all that, when two bros like us appear, they always make a pact. Like some kind of oath and all that to live by going forward,”

Tattle’s lens flexed a tad, “Like sworn brothers stuff? Dying on the same day and all that?”

“Yeah! But uh, not going to be big on dying for the other, I mean, I would die for you, but you know,” Prattle sighed, shoulders slumping, “I’d rather we both live or if I died that you lived on,”

“Bro? The feeling is mutual,” Tattle said in a near whisper, “Neither of should ever die, but if I kicked the bucket, I want you to tell all the embarrassing stories about me into the gossip multiverse!”

“Bro!”

“Bro!”

And like that they were hugging and laughing like a couple of idiots. Tattle would have cried and maybe he did a little, because this felt different than his ex-mentor and all the time spent cracking his lens for some dream that wasn’t even his.

With Prattle, he actually felt like he was reaching for something he wanted.

“So let’s do an oath, yeah?” Prattle said stepping back, holding up his hand, “We never leave the other behind. Where one goes, the other is right there next to him. We don’t get taken apart by no one, not even a titan can break this bond of brotherhood!”

“Not even the heat death of the universe can break us up bro!” Tattle declared, holding up his own hand, “And if the other should die, it is now in our sacred bro oath that the other one has to live on, to spread horrible legends about the other to all the new units, to keep the gossip alive!”

“We are bros, from womb to tomb!”

“Birth to berth!”

“Units to slag,”

“Porcelain bowl to porcelain dust!”

“Not even death will do us part until we both are moldering in the ground!”

“Forever more, and forever will be-“

“My best and bestest-“

They slammed their hands together with all the force they could muster, holding on tight.

“Bro!”

They said it together, perfectly in sync, just how they were always in sync, from the moment they had their first argument. Bros before they knew they were bros. Destined to be bros. When the bro constellation of Gemini came into existence, it was foretold that they would be bros forever more, greater than any other bros, destined to be the greatest legendary bros of all time.

At least that was the narrative in Tattle’s head and he was more than certain the same was for Prattle.

“And uh, want to add a little something to this oath, now that you already shook on it,” Prattle murmured, “If I ever do kick the big bucket to the big camera bag in the sky… go become an officer, yeah? Become some big important commander just to stick it to everyone and declare me the greatest hero in the Alliance with a big statue and everything,”

“Yeah? Well if I kick the bucket, you leave the Alliance and go start a circus, just like you said you would,” Tattle teased back gently.

“I will, just for you. I’ll name my best clown after you,” Prattle promised with a chuckle.

They gave a final shake of their hands before stepping back, silent for a moment before Prattle nudged Tattle in the side with a cheeky elbow, “Now, how about finding some matching blue suits, eh?”

Tattle nudged him back, giggling already, “After you of course!”

It was painful to close one door, but Tattle felt in doing that, he found there was a hallway of other ones to try and it wouldn’t be scary with Prattle at side. Prattle was his courage and confidence and he hoped he could become the same for his friend.

They were bros.

And that was all he needed to find out what wild future he could find that would be determined only by him and no one else.

[old-folks-shortcake-date]

Old Fashioned Murder

An episode of Columbo rewritten to have Kim Kitsuragi in it.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Columbo held up a finger and looked McGill in the eyes. “Call his brother. We'll get a positive identification from him when he gets to the morgue.”

“Yes Sir,” said McGill.

Columbo turned and leaned over toward the forensics guy who went over the items from Schauffer’s pockets. The guy looked quite young, a light-skinned man with dark brown hair, a black suit and vest with a red necktie and white shirt making notes in his own little notebook. His hair actually looked quite similar to Columbo’s.

“Uh, what’s this?” asked Columbo, pointing out one of the items.

“The contents of his pockets, Sir,” said McGill.

Columbo held up a hand. “No, I know that Sergeant.” He picked up a jewel-encrusted medallion on a chain. It had pearls and sapphires on it.

“I’m sure it must be in the museum’s inventory. Do you think Mr. Lytton finished inventory before…?” speculated Kitsuragi.

“It’s old. I know something about relics, Sir. My wife and I -” McGill continued.

“Yes, mine too,” interrupted Columbo. “He had it in his pocket.”

“What about your wives?” asked Kitsuragi, confused.

Columbo waved the question off.

“He didn’t even finish what he was saying and you agreed with him. Is there something about wives and relics that goes without saying?” asked Kitsuragi.

“That’s aside from the point,” said Columbo.

“Yes, you’re right. I got distracted,” said Kitsuragi. “Please continue.”

“What I mean is,” Columbo held up the medallion and leaned on the table. “What my point was, he had it in his pocket.”

“Overcoat pocket. Yes Sir,” corrected McGill.

“And everything else is in there,” said Columbo. He pointed to a black briefcase near the pocket contents.

“Yes Sir. Nothing in the briefcase has been touched,” confirmed McGill.

“Very good, Sergeant.” Columbo reached past the man with the similar hair and grabbed the briefcase by its mouth. The black leather briefcase had broad gussets along the sides, affording plenty of storage space. It folded together at the top like a change purse and had a zipper and a strap over the top which would snap in place to help keep it shut. Currently the top flopped open, unzipped and unstrapped. “Big briefcase.” He peered inside. “Plenty room still in there.”

“Yes Sir,” said McGill.

Columbo stepped back over to the medallion and picked it up. “I wonder why he put this in his pocket.”

A man holding a camera with a large flash bulb came up behind Columbo. “Excuse me, Lieutenant.” He was a tall, balding man with a combover and a mustache wearing a dark suit, striped tie, and white shirt. The strap for the camera hooked over his neck. “We need a shot of these articles.”

“Oh, very sorry,” apologized Columbo.

Columbo set down the medallion and he, Kitsuragi, and McGill stepped back half a pace to give the photographer room to take a picture. The photographer lifted his camera. While he began to snap photos, the flash letting out a thin whine each time it went off, Columbo led the way over to the phone booth where Mr. Schauffer’s body still lay, mostly undisturbed.

McGill knelt by the body’s feet. “He knew what he was doing, Sir. He muffled his footsteps.”

Columbo leaned over and prodded at the dead man’s clothes. Kitsuragi crouched down and peeled one of the rubber sole covers off the shoe, revealing a shiny white sole of a white leather shoe, the heel black. He held the shoe and the foot inside it up by the ankle.

“New shoes. Brand new,” remarked Kitsuragi.

“Yes, well, he wore rubbers, Sir,” said McGill. The sergeant held up the shoe cover Kitsuragi had peeled off.

Kitsuragi blinked. “Yes, he did. But he hasn’t broken into these shoes at all. Why break into his shoes while breaking into a museum? Wouldn’t it be easier to wear sneakers or crepe soles? Much more comfortable.” He tapped on the sole. “Stiff as a board.”

“Did you check to see if there were any other stolen items on the body?” asked Columbo.

“Not yet, Sir. I didn’t want to change the position of the body,” replied McGill.

Columbo got up and walked back over to the glass case. He found and picked up a small slip of paper folded in half, then called back over, “Sergeant, is this paper part of his contents?”

Sergeant McGill leaned back and peered over. “Yes, Sir, it is.”

Columbo unfolded the slip of paper and squinted at it. “‘Turn twice right after midnight,’” he read aloud. He got a confused look.

Kitsuragi opened Mr. Schauffer’s jacket and spotted a bright red button up with a pattern of fronds in white. “Tropical,” he remarked. “A bit unexpected.”

“Turn twice right after midnight,” repeated Columbo as he walked back over to the phone booth.

The red button up matched the red socks and white shoes, and Kitsuragi found the lining of the pockets used the same material as the shirt. The deceased had on a white shirt under the red one, all of it previously hidden under the dark blue suit jacket. Kitsuragi further unbuttoned the jacket and opened it up to get a better look. The dead man had on a white leather belt matching his white leather shoes.

“These clothes must have been sold together as an outfit,” remarked Kitsuragi.

“Does he have an undershirt?” asked Columbo.

Kitsuragi pushed aside the dead man’s collar. “Yes.”

“Does it have a laundry mark?” asked Columbo.

“Not that I can see, but that might not mean anything. Sergeant, do you see anything?” asked Kitsuragi. He sat up to give McGill room to look and shone his flashlight onto the exposed neck.

“No Sir,” said McGill.

Kitsuragi pulled the undershirt collar back, keeping his flashlight trained on that area.

“Trimmed hairs,” observed McGill. “He had a haircut.”

Lieutenant Kitsuragi ran his finger over the tag. “Feels new.” He picked up one of the dead man’s hands. “A haircut, a manicure, and new clothes. I didn’t think he would be able to afford any of this, not on security guard wages, with a gambling addiction and debts. Rent overdue.”

“Hmm, some watch,” observed McGill.

Columbo moved in and took a closer look.

“See something, Sir?” asked McGill.

Columbo looked at the watch then looked at his own watch, holding his cigar in his teeth. “Yeah, his watch is wrong. My watch cost thirty reál. His must've cost a couple of hundred, and it's wrong. It says May first. It goes to show you money doesn't buy quality.”

“Detective, it is May first,” said Kitsuragi. “Your watch is wrong.”

“Oh,” said Columbo. “Well what do you expect for thirty reál?”

McGill snorted and laughed. Columbo pushed back the sleeve and noticed a slightly swollen pink spot on the deceased’s arm.

“Looks like an insect bite,” said McGill.

“No, Sergeant, it’s not an insect bite,” replied Columbo. He got up and stepped away from the body. The sergeant followed. Columbo turned to him and asked, “Did you go through his motor carriage?”

“Yes Sir, I did,” replied McGill. “There’s nothing in it, not even a spare tire.”

Columbo nodded then walked back over to the glass case. “And this is all there was in his pockets.”

McGill nodded.

“That’s very peculiar, isn’t it Sergeant?” said Columbo.

Kitsuragi stood up from his crouch. His knees made little popping noises and he concealed a wince. “Nothing at all in his motor carriage. No maps, tools, luggage, say, for travel.” He didn’t voice it as a question because he didn’t need McGill to repeat himself.

“Yes?” said McGill.

“And every stitch that Mr. Schaeffer is wearing is brand new and tropical,” added Columbo. “I think he was vaccinated and dressed to go on a vacation.”

“You mean with the haircut and the manicure and all?” asked McGill.

“That could just be because, for some reason, he could suddenly afford those little comforts of being neatly groomed. But how did he come into so much reál before a robbery, rather than after he’d found a fence for the stolen antiques and sold it all?” mused Kitsuragi.

“But he had no luggage, and no cash,” said McGill thoughtfully.

“That’s what’s peculiar,” said Columbo. “And no passport.”

“Passport?” McGill shook his head. “Oh Sir, this guy’s not dressed for interinsulindary travel. More for some place with casinos, cruises, tourist stuff.”

“Oh, he was going somewhere, Sergeant. He was going somewhere,” said Columbo. “That was no insect bite; that was a vaccination.”

“Yes, he’d be unlikely to stick around after robbing the museum where he worked. But somebody must have hired him, and paid him at least part of the payment in advance, otherwise he couldn’t have splurged like this. He wouldn’t have had the money until afterwards,” said Kitsuragi.

“Yes, yes, that makes sense,” agreed Columbo. “And the items in the briefcase were for his employer, and he wanted to keep this medallion for himself.”

“It’s a bit gaudy but perhaps he thought he could sell it,” said Kitsuragi.

“Whatever his plans for it, he wanted to keep it separate from the rest of the loot,” said Columbo. “But there’s this note: Turn twice after midnight. They sound like directions.”

“Like for a meeting place!” said Kitsuragi.

“...But there’s no roads or landmarks mentioned,” finished Columbo.

As they thought about these little puzzles, the forensics team gathered up the evidence and their gear. They wheeled out the bodies on gurneys to load them into a lorry headed to the morgue. Columbo paced, putting out the stub of his cigar in one of the ashtray stands. He struck a match and lit a new cigar. Sergeant McGill left with the other officers who had been milling about or guarding entrances.

“Turn twice after midnight,” murmured Columbo.

Kitsuragi stepped out to examine Schauffer’s motor carriage while his colleague puttered about in the museum in a wreath of smoke. Inspecting the outside of the motor carriage, Kitsuragi found the puncture in the flat tire was on the side of the tire. It hadn’t run over a nail or anything like that; somebody had slashed it. Debt collectors, maybe? Mr. Lytton had no reason to puncture the tire, so it had to be somebody else. Whoever hired Schauffer to steal from the museum wouldn’t have sabotaged him, unless their plan had been to set him up. He wrote down his thoughts and made his way back into the museum to find Columbo. Inside, Ruth Lytton stood in the hallway with the lined up suits of armor and watched Columbo walk back and forth. She wore a dark blue suit jacket and skirt, with a shirt striped with dark blue, beige, and white and a matching scarf tied in a bow at her neck.

“I’m sorry to inconvenience you by staying so late, Madam,” apologized Kitsuragi. “We should be leaving soon. Is there anything you need? I understand you just lost your brother, and this must be a difficult time for you.”

“Thank you,” Lytton said. When she turned toward him, Kitsuragi saw Lytton held a cup of herbal tea on a saucer. She had a calm patience to her, and didn’t seem upset at all.

“Is that for Lieutenant Columbo? Chamomile?” guessed Kitsuragi.

“You remembered,” said Lytton.

“Of course. Even if I wasn’t a detective, it was from just this morning.” He smiled. “Lieutenant Columbo seems to have gotten over his allergies from earlier. Still, it was very considerate of you to bring out some tea for him. I was just going to join him.” Kitsuragi invited her to walk with him and they moved from the dimly lit hall.

Columbo had heard them talking and watched them curiously as the detective and the museum curator approached. Before they entered, he’d been looking up at a full portrait of a woman in a red dress sitting in a chair, hung over the stairs. When Lytton held out the saucer and cup, Columbo accepted them with one hand but held up a finger. “Oh, you shouldn’t have bothered with that, Miss Lytton, at a time like this.”

“You’ve been here for some time, Lieutenant,” remarked Lytton. She walked past him then turned around to face both detectives.

Kitsuragi stood patiently with his hands held behind his back, waiting for a more opportune time to bring up the slashed tire.

“Yes, Madam,” said Columbo. “It can cast a spell over you, this room.”

“It's a fascinating room, isn't it? I used to come here often as a girl. I came here to be alone.” She began a slow pace through the room.

Columbo watched her and blew on his tea.

“When things happened,” Lytton continued, turning slowly. She held her hands in front of her absently, fingers intertwined and moving as she spoke. “I came here when my mother died, and my father, too. And before that.” Her eyes lowered.

“I'm very sorry about your brother, Madam,” said Columbo.

“Thank you,” Lytton said softly.

Columbo looked back up at the portrait. Kitsuragi quietly read back over his notes as he waited.

“Is that your mother as a girl?” Columbo asked. “She's got a nice face. It's a happy face.”

“No,” replied Lytton, chin held high and voice cool. “My mother was dead when that was painted. That's a portrait of me after I became engaged to Peter Brandt.” She turned to look up at the portrait. “It is a happy face, isn’t it?”

Kitsuragi checked his watch and sighed.

“Oh, I thought you were -” Columbo said.

“An old maid?” interrupted Lytton. She turned back toward him. “That term refers to a woman who has never been married, not necessarily to someone who's never been engaged.”

“Did something happen to him, Madam, or did you just decide that you didn't wanna marry him?” asked Columbo.

“I didn't decide that.” She shook her head. “My sister makes most of the family decisions. She did even then.”

“She just didn’t like this fella, huh?” guessed Columbo. He raised the teacup to take a sip.

“No, I don't think she did like him,” said Lytton thoughtfully. “I thought she liked him then, though. So did she. She married him.”

Columbo coughed and some of the tea he’d just sipped dropped back into the cup with a hollow plunk sound, reverberating through the porcelain.

Kitsuragi tried not to smile. It wouldn’t be appropriate to be amused, or at least not to show it.

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant. I thought you knew,” said Lytton. “Everyone else does. She is Mrs. Peter Brandt. It was in all the papers. They eloped.”

“Oh, then your niece Janie -” said Columbo.

“Is the daughter that I might have had,” finished Lytton. “Yes.” She paused. “I suppose that’s why I feel about her the way that I do.” After a moment she asked, “Lieutenant, tell me something. Aside from being under a spell, what have you really been thinking about?”

“Yes, I would like to talk about the case,” Kitsuragi mentioned. He didn’t really want to talk about it with Miss Lytton, but it would be good to get his colleague back on track. “Let’s go do that.”

“To tell you the truth, Miss Lytton,” said Columbo, “I've been thinking about the way Mr. Schaeffer was dressed.”

“Oh?” said Lytton.

“You know, it's a funny way to dress for a robbery.” Columbo dug the note out of his pocket, the one that was supposed to be in evidence. “And then there’s his note.”

“What note?” asked Lytton.

“Khhm.” Kitsuragi cleared his throat and gave Columbo a look.

Columbo ignored this. “He had it in his pocket. ‘Turn twice after midnight.’”

“And what do you conclude from that, Lieutenant?” asked Lytton.

“That he had made an appointment to meet somebody in order to get rid of the stolen articles before he left tonight,” said Columbo.

“I’d very much like to go somewhere else to talk about the case with you, Officer,” insisted Kitsuragi.

“We are talking about it,” Columbo replied. “And you know what else, Miss Lytton?”

“What?” asked Lytton.

Kitsuragi sighed expressively and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I think that whoever he was going to meet, he was going to meet right here on the museum grounds,” said Columbo.

“That's fascinating.” Lytton nodded. “Why do you think that, Lieutenant?”

Columbo held up the note, crumpled from its time in his pocket. “Because this note is a set of directions and there's only one reason that there's no streets and no addresses on it.”

“Because it is a place that has no streets,” concluded Lytton, “and he was already at the address.”

“Right!” said Columbo. “That's exactly what I thought. You would make a very good detective, Miss Lytton.”

Lytton smiled.

Kitsuragi stepped closer to Columbo and whispered, “And you would make a much better detective if you would stop talking about details of the case with potential suspects, or anybody else outside of the investigation.” Louder he said, “I think we’ve used enough of Miss Lytton’s time. We have two murders to solve, and it would be best, I think, if the RCM handled the case. Don’t you think so, Officer?”

“Oh I don’t mind offering whatever assistance I can,” said Lytton.

Kitsuragi turned to her. “I’m sure you don’t, Miss.”

“I can tell I’ve made you angry, Lieutenant Kitsuragi, and that certainly wasn’t my intention,” said Columbo.

Kitsuragi sighed. There was a somewhat awkward pause.

“I’ll walk you to your motor carriage,” Columbo offered Lytton.

The three of them walked toward the hall. Columbo paused by a lamp, glanced behind him, then looked up. “That’s it!”

“Hm?” said Kitsuragi.

“I beg your pardon?” asked Lytton.

“It was dark,” said Columbo. “Last night it would have been even darker, at nine in the evening.”

“Of course,” agreed Lytton.

“But nothing in this room had been touched, Madam,” said Columbo. “Nothing had been touched. Don’t you understand? Nothing. Don’t you see? McGill wouldn’t even let anybody touch the light switch, because I told him to leave everything exactly as it was. That means the lights were off last night...Only they couldn't have been. It would be impossible for two men to shoot and kill each other in a dark room.”

Kitsuragi nodded, allowing for a moment that this revelation came out right in front of Lytton.

“Where is the light switch, Miss Lytton?” asked Columbo.

“Right over here,” Lytton said, and she walked over to the corner between the hall and the murder room. She turned the lights back on.

“That’s it,” said Columbo, pointing at the switch. “That’s what he did.”

“‘He’?” asked Lytton.

“Whoever killed your brother and Mr. Schaeffer.”

“I'm afraid I don't quite understand, Lieutenant,” Lytton said. “Why couldn't one of them have turned the lights on?”

Kitsuragi got out his notebook again and made a few quick notes.

“They could have. But after they were dead, who turned them off?” asked Columbo.

Chapter Three

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Document Forging

*On the second Island, an office was set up with various tables*

Is that everything we got Ryo, you got all the passport stand ready?

I believe so sir, I got the cameras prepare and the files too...

*looks at the list* And it seems we got... 11 people to deal with? That's gonna be tiresome...

Apologies then, I'm not good with passports so you do have to forgive me for this, anyway what about the rest of you?

Well, I got my desk done along with Byakuya, we can start working on banking information as well...

Good, myself along with Masa got our stuff ready too.

Right,...

A bit bored, eh? Well at least this will help with the investigation, correct?

Yeah, I mean files like these tend to get boring at times, probably why I was okay with Kyoko taking over...

So why is Aoi here? Are you going to help out as well?

Not really, I'm only here to get coffee and food if people need, something tells me this might take a while...

Oh and look who's here, hey guys!

Good morning everyone, thank you all for coming - I brought nearly everyone here.

So I suppose will be here to get some documents and forging done here?

Yes, this here is where we are going to work on your identities and create cover stories for all of you, you are to use these names when out in the mainland if people start to ask questions so I recommend you start writing your name a few times and repeating yourselves.

Ye-Yeah okay that shouldn't be too hard, so what's the cover story for all of us so far?

Plus didn't Future Foundation not know we are Ultimate Despairs, does the rest of the world know that you save Class 77-B and Hajime?

No, at most they are just rumors that Class 77-B is alive but they don't know they are Ultimate Despairs, as your existence is top secret.

But the cover story we have is that your 15 victims of the tragedy that lost their families and love ones, you all were victims of Ultimate Despairs and join them like many others but after Future Foundation save you, you all agree to being the first test subjects of the Neo World Program.

I see... so that's what your all going to go with?

Yes, as say - that is going to be the story will use for you all but for all of you separately will need to make different backgrounds, birth dates, locations you were born in and other details.

With the exception of Hajime, who at most is a normal guy and all crimes are connected to Izuru; so meaning that yours would be easy to work on.

...Well, except for you being diagnosed with Dissociative identity disorder or DID, but as say that's the only thing we are going to do.

Okay, so mine is not going to get much changes, okay that's good then. So I guess you'll have excuses for those like Hiyoko, Mikan, Gundham, Ibuki and the others?

Don't worry, as say people losing an arm or a leg is pretty common in the tragedy so we can explain that you loss it during the tragedy and not self-harm.

However those with disabilities like Ibuki, Hiyoko and Gundham here - we are gonna have them either be born with it or they were paralyzed from the waist down.

'I guess we can work with that, alright then; so uh... where do we start then? Mind showing us around?'

[skylarmoon71]

Luther Wainwright: (The Mentalist) - Chapter 1

Luther Wainwright.

Or as you liked to call him…

“Asshole!!” 

“Calm down (L/N).” 

Lisbon was trying to keep you from exploding for the third time that week. He kept making it a habit to crush all the leads you had on your suspect. Even Jane had agreed that your angle was a great one. That was saying something since Jane usually didn’t agree with anyone. 

“I’ll have to agree with (L/N), he does display attributes typically associated with an asshole.” Jane casually sipped at his tea after making the comment. 

“Not helping Jane!” Lisbon was trying to run her team and keep everyone employed which was proving to be a task. 

“He asked for proof that the guy attacked those women and we gave it to him and it’s still not enough. Are we just supposed to wait around for that sleazebag Evan to hurt someone else?” 

You were fuming and Lisbon understood because you’d interviewed both women that reported the attack. No one believed them, no one cared and now a monster would walk free. 

Agitated, you march right over to his office. 

He’s a bit surprised when his door is yanked open. You look about ready to blow. 

A very common sight since he’d been appointed to this position. 

“What have I done this time Agent?” 

He didn’t even bother to look up, that just made you more mad. 

“We have a strategy, why aren’t we going after him.” 

“I am aware of the situation. The fact that he’s connected makes it tricky. You of all people should realize that it’s our responsibility to uphold the law. We can’t just storm in without a problem plan.” 

“You don’t understand.” 

He stood, brows furrowed. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You have no idea what it’s like to feel weak, to be at the mercy of someone else. I can’t imagine what those women have been through, but I’ve seen first hand what that abuse is like. What it does to people.”

Wainwright was obviously confused, but his mind shifted back to your file and suddenly it all made sense. Why this case has meant so much to you. You were so insistent on getting justice for those women.

“This is because of your mother.” 

The second he said those words, he was ready for a reaction. 

“While I sympathize, letting a case become personal is the quickest way to jeopardize it. You have to remain objective.” 

At that moment he was fully prepared for an outburst. He wouldn’t punish you for it. It would be hypocritical to shun you for reacting that way.

However, what he received was completely different. The way you looked at him, almost broken, it made him want to swallow his early statement. From your expression it’s clear you hadn’t expected him to bring up your mother. 

You took a step back, and he saw the way you tried to regain your composure. 

“Agent I-” 

“You’re right sir. It was wrong to get so personally involved in this case. If possible can I be taken off this case. I’d like some time to reevaluate my behavior. “

He didn’t think you would say that. 

“Yes, but I would advise that you-” 

“Thank you sir.” 

You turned before he could say much more. You just needed to get out of there. The door closed heavily behind him and he just stared. 

The following day you received a call from Jane who advised that he was going through with your plan regardless of what Wainright said. It made you laugh, because you knew he would add his little flare to it, just to seal the deal. If it’s something Jane didn’t like, it was arrogant rich men who thought they were untouchable. 

That night when you saw the news, you were laughing, because you could see Jane and the team in the background. He must have known you would be watching because he turned to the camera giving a little wave, that smile etched on his face. Your happy tears mixed in with your laughter as you clenched your pillows to your chest. 

Jane knew. He never confronted you about it, but you knew he figured it out. That your mother had been a victim to an abuser. Someone just like that man. The encounter had sent her spiraling and she’d ultimately decided that it was too much. Your father did a great job at raising you, he made sure you were fearless, protected. As a police chief he had the power and authority to take down the man that caused your family so much pain. 

But it had taken over a decade and even when he caught him, that empty feeling was still there and your mother was still gone. 

You both had to live with that. 

Those women, they were able to see it, the man that once held power over them was taken down from his invented throne. 

It was satisfying. 

You were satisfied. 

~~

Getting in that morning you can’t help but smile. With a few cups of coffee, you share them out as you congratulate them on a job well done. 

“You guys did great work.” You commended. 

”You’re the one that came up with the idea. I’m actually impressed. Maybe I’m rubbing off on you.” Jane smirked. 

“I hope not.” Lisbon said, possibly picturing what it would be like to handle two Janes. 

You giggle at her worried look. Wainwright walks in, addressing Lisbon. You step to the side for obvious reasons. 

“Agent, I’d like to see you in my office.” 

You nod, it’s not like you don’t expect it. 

“If you fire her I’m quitting too!” Jane calls. 

You laugh and Wainwright just brushes it off. He’s grown used to ignoring certain things from Jane. 

The minute you’re inside his office you prepare for it. A possible suspension for misconduct. 

“I was out of line. I shouldn’t have brought up a personal matter. I apologize.” 

An apology from Wainwright? 

You do a double take. 

“Sorry?” 

He smiles at the look on your face. 

When he asked you into the office you thought for sure you would get a lecture. 

“You were upset, I understand. I don’t expect you to be a stone wall. I would also prefer it if you didn’t question my methods and called me an asshole.” You wince. 

There it is.

“While I can accept that you weren’t in the right headspace, I’m in charge of this unit. Your idea to stop our suspect was clever, and I commend innovative thinking. I didn’t turn down the plan because you suggested it. I was just worried that your personal views would pose a problem. I wanted to enlist another agent to take the lead with Jane, but it seemed they fared well even without my assistance. I already have one loose cannon. I’d like it if Jane was the only unstable one here.” 

He does have a point. 

You hide your smile, looking down. 

“I understand sir. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” 

Wainwright caught your smile, chuckling lightly. 

“Thank you Agent.” 

As often as he pissed you off, you supposed he could have been worse. 

“Enjoy the rest of your morning sir.” 

“You too, Agent.” 

Feeling a bit accomplished, you walked out the door, head held high. 

That’s until..

“Wait a minute, did he really just call me a loose cannon! That bastard!” 

The rebellion will definitely continue.

[depravedwriter95]

*Awww…..Fall is coming, colder weather, leaves changing, pumpkin spice drawing all the basic white girls out of their summer time fun and into their yoga pants and sweater dresses...I love my job* Trevor thought to himself as he started his afternoon shift as one of the University's many security personal, not like the campus really needed it, it was a small quiet campus in the midst of the Adirondack mountain range, at most we would have two hundred students in the class but there hasn't been a class like that in years, this semester there was only seventy

"Hey Trevor, it seems like it's going to be a slow semester again" Rodrick said as he signed his duty belt back in, he was the day shift guard when we have small class sizes

"I won't complain, I like these smaller classes anyways makes it easier to learn everyone's names and faces, besides hopefully it'll mean less BS for us to deal with" Trevor mentioned as he settled in behind the dorms security desk, from there he could rotate through the cameras all across campus and a few additional ones they had installed recently facing the hiking trail entrances which the students went on constantly during the weekends, be it to party, explore or whatever else kids these days do.

*Besides...it's been three months since my last hunt...I don't need to be distracted this semester* Trevor thought as he mindlessly flipped through the cameras,

"Well, I can't argue with that, but hey the director wanted me to pass on that the campus theater is going to be in use starting tonight, something about the class agreed they wanted to put on a show? Might be fun to see, anyways don't have too much fun now" Rodrick said laughing as he walked out of the office leaving Trevor alone until the night shift came in at 0000, the first two hours of the shift dragged on as Trevor went about the tedious task of logging in any visitors coming into the dorms or getting mail for the students.

*Alright….I've sat long enough, can't feel my damn foot, might as well do the rounds* Trevor sighed as he grabbed his black windbreaker and duty light, even though it wasn't that late and the sun was still up, it was hidden behind the mountains making the campus seem darker than it was, so there weren't to many students out and about so Trevor decided to make his way towards the main building on the campus, it houses a vast majority of its classrooms on the west wing of the building while the theater and gym took up the east wing

*wonder what sort of cuties will be here this semester, hopefully there's at least two or three party girls who get to drunk, those always make for easier prey….wait a second* Trevor stopped mid thought as he noticed the theater door propped open.

*well, Rodrick did say something about it being in use, might as well make sure they're behaving in here* he thought as he walked in, it was a rather decently sized theater, capable of seating up to six hundred people, but you wouldn't be able to tell that with its lights dimmed or off like they were as he walked in, looking around he spotted a lone male standing in the middle of the stage looking over what he'd guess to be the lights

"Excuse me bud, are you the only one in here?" Trevor called out as he approached the stage.

"Hmm...oh hello sir, no my girlfriend is here helping me check the technical end of things before we get the rest of the cast in here. My name is Micheal, but everyone just calls me Mike" Mike said offering his hand to Trevor after he got down from the stage

"Pleasure Mike, my name is Trevor, I'm the only evening guard this semester so if you guys ever need anything I'm your guy" He said, shaking the kids hand, he appeared to be in his late teens, maybe twenty at the oldest, he had shaggy brown hair and brown eyes, wearing a black hoodie and dark blue jeans

"How long will you two be here tonight?"

"Not much longer sir, well Bella is staying a bit later to check over all the microphones, she's dedicated to her role, it's why I love her" Mike said looking up at the hole in the wall at the back of the theater where the technical team would sit.

"Alright well I come back through in thirty to check on you and her so behave yourselves" Trevor said trying to remember which face went with the name Bella

*well with any luck maybe my hunting this year won't take to long* he thought as he went about his patrols which breezed by and before he knew it, he was back at the theater, the door still propped a bit so naturally he peeked inside but all the lights were off beside the faint glow of the lights up in the tech booth, sighing and thinking they left the lights on Trevor made his way up the spiral metal stairs which were basically impossible to move on without making noise

(Raunchy stuff)

"Hello??? Mike are you trying to scare me again???" A females voice called out from inside the tech room, before he could reply a woman who looked to be only 20, 5'3, 130 pounds with curves in all the right places, her long auburn hair was brushed over her left shoulder and just reached the top of what looked to be her D cup breasts, probably a 36D if Trevor had to guess, which popped nicely in her tight pink low cut shirt, her pleasantly thick thighs were on display as her black linen shorts clung to her, Trevor's heart nearly stopped as her emerald eyes locked onto his, they had a fire in them that made Trevor's cock stand at attention

"Oh, um hello, you're that guard from earlier right? I saw you talking to my boyfriend, he did mention me staying late right?" She stated calmly

"Yea Bella right? Pleasure to meet you, I just noticed the lights on so I was making sure there was someone up here at least, will you be done soon, this side of the building is closing in the next ten minutes" he replied trying his best to calm the voice screaming from his subconscious,his blood was pulsating behind his ear drums

"Oh um….I think I should be able to, I really need to get these done tonight but moving these boxes and checking each mic by myself is harder than I thought" She said stepping aside so he could see the large black trunks that held most of the sound equipment, they came up her hips, that same voice was now filling his thoughts with the imagine of him forcing her over the boxes, her shorts yanked halfway down her thighs, one arm pinning her arms in the middle of her back while the other covered her mouth, his cock ravaging her insides as her juices soaked her legs.

"Are you okay sir? Hello???" Bella asked as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Hm...oh sorry, was just trying to figure out if I had time to help you move the boxes at least, and it turns out I do" Trevor said moving into the room and grabbing the first trunk

"I'll take care of this, go lock up the front doors then come back for the last one, think you'll be done by then?"

"Yea, I should be, thanks for the help," she said, offering a kind smile before going back to her work.

*Nah….it can't be this easy, it's only the third week of the semester, god….the things I'm going to do to you Bella...and you or your boyfriend will be powerless to stop me* Trevor thought as a wicked grin spread across his lips, he slipped out of the theater and jogged down the hall to a vending machine and bought two water bottles before returning and locking the front doors to the theater, he then pulled open his cargo pants pocket and retrieved a small packet housing two Rohypnol pills which was more commonly known as “roofies”, “rophies,” or “forget me pills,” quickly he slipped them into an extra water he carried, shook until they were dissolved then made his way back up to the light booth

"Hey snagged you a water figured you could use it" Trevor said putting on his best smile as he offered her the contaminated water, she took it without much thought and started drinking it

"So how long have you been a part of the theater?"

"I got into back during middle school and just stuck with it, so here we are now. Hoping to get my degree here and continue making a living in the theater" She said after plopping down on the last trunk, crossing her left leg over her right, running her left hand through her hair, her perfume wafted into Trevor's nose, the scent was similar to lavenders and vanilla. Trevor’s heart started to pound against his ears as he watched her chug down the rest

"Ahhh I didn't realize just how thirsty I was." she muttered as she touched her head, small beads of sweat trickled down between her breasts which began to lift and fall a bit quicker

“You've been working hard, from what your boyfriend said you're pretty dedicated to your roll" Trevor said trying his best not to stare at her lustful body, he looked at his watch and thought *ten more minutes, and she's as good as mine*

“He said that about me? He's such an understanding guy, he's always so quick to help me with my passions and hobbies” Bella said as she fanned herself slowly

*Nah, he's set on doing whatever he can to keep this perfect little fuck toy to himself* He thought as he smiled “Well sounds like he really likes you, it's rare to find that since most people seem to just want to fuck around today” Trevor said offering her his water. She happily took it and drank from it eagerly, sighing as her lips glisten from a mixture of her saliva and water.

*DO IT NOW!* the voice screamed, Trevor moved closer and sat next to Bella on the trunk, she turned her gaze from the water to him as his hand moved up, gripping the back of her head with his right hand as he pulled her into a sudden kiss

"W-what….are you…” Bella mumbled as her head swam barely able to focus on anything, she tried to stand up right only to feel Trevor’s hand grip her hair and force her back into the kiss as his left hand gripped her perfectly soft breast, squeezing it through her bra causing her to moan into their kiss

"I'm just taking what is rightfully mine to use” Trevor whispered to her as he slipped his hand under the bottom of her shirt, lifting it up to expose the basic light tan bra she wore, by now the drugs were in full swing. Her body felt like a bag of bricks weighing her down, seeing that she wasn't going to resist much anymore Trevor smiled and leaned back in, biting her lip as his left hand unclasped her bra and throwing it aside, exposing her freckled breasts with adorable pink nipples. He turned her on the trunk so her back was to him, she muttered for him to stop but he silenced her with his lips once more, his tongue pressing into her mouth and coiled around hers as both of his hands gently gropped both of her breasts her moans were like music to his ears, it had been to long since his last hunt, but it was clearly worth the wait as he bit her lower lip.

“You really like your tit's being played with don't you~” Trevor whispered as he lightly pinched and twisted her nipples between his index and thumb causing her hips the shift against the trunk, she whimpered as she bit her lower lip

“Pl-please…st..stop…I won't tell ... .anyone…what you..did” Bella said with bated breath, her chest coded in a thin layer of sweat.

“Oh I can't stop now, not when the fun was really about to begin~” Trevor said as his right hand began to slowly walk down her stomach towards her shorts, unbuttoning them with a swift pull and slipped right inbetween her shorts and underwear, his middle and ring fingers curled up, teasing her pussy's lips through the underwear, spreading them apart, feeling how wet she was. All while his left hand kept rolling her nipple with his thumb as his hand massaged her breast. Unable to put up any resistance, all Bella did was just moan softly, shutting her eyes as her mind grew hazy from the combined pleausre and drugs coursing through her body. As Trevor pulled her underwear aside and brushed his finger against her clit her body tensed, hips thrusting against his touch as she suddenly climaxed, moaning lustfully which echoed in the theater.

Trevor grinned coyly

“Such a naughty little slut, cumming without my permission, you'll have to be punished for that” He said as he pressed his thumb against her clit and begin to roll it, his middle and ring finger hooked up into her pussy rubbing her gspot, Bella's eyes fluttered as her body squirmed against his assault, she was unable to stop herself from moaning between her gulping in air as his fingers relentlessly rubbed her inner walls, feeling the ridge of her gspot against the tip of his middle finger, minutes felt like hours to her as he just kept fingering her making her cum over and over again as he would lightly bite her earlobe or press his thumb into her nipple causing her hips to arch, her fingers desperately reaching to try and grab ahold of anything as she felt what she thought to be her fourth orgasm.

"Oh almost forgot these" she heard him say as he stood up, letting her fall onto the trunk and moments later she swore she saw the flash of pictures being taken but she was too tired to tell if it was even real anymore.

Well if you made it this far I just want to thank you, this is my first time ever posting my writing publicly, this is just the first part of the story so please keep that in mind if it's slow. I didn't want to just dive right into the raunchy stuff but more so build the setting a bit, to give you an idea of where I'm hoping to take the story, I'm wanting to slowly break down Bella's character

[jareaulover]

Hi I don’t know if you are still taking requests for JJ/Will, but if you are can you write a one-shot about if JJ didn’t have the miscarriage? Thanks ☺️

I love writing JJ/Will, getting requests for them makes me so happy, you have no idea.

Warnings: Canon typical violence, guns/shooting is mentioned in relation to their case in the beginning, throwing up/morning sickness, other pregnancy related things.

I hope you enjoy this. I used a timeline on the wiki to try and calculate when she would have been pregnant during her time overseas, but i could be off. Also, on the wiki if you look at Will's family it says "Maggie LaMontagne (Unborn daughter)" And I'm not sure who decided that, but I used a different name for the baby because I couldn't find anywhere else that said that was supposed to be her name, but I can change it if I find proof that's true.

summary: JJ doesn't go on her overseas assignment

Read on AO3

or

Full Story under the cut

Their case was in Tampa, it hadn't been long since Prentiss had... Everyone was still pretty raw and JJ hated that she had to keep what she knew from her coworkers. It had really been taking a toll on her, and even she was grieving. She knew Prentiss was still alive and well, but she couldn't talk to her or anything... It was hard, but she knew it was harder for the others, the ones who thought Prentiss was dead. JJ was shaken from her thoughts as the phone rang. Spencer, Morgan, Seaver, and herself were seated around a table in the Tampa Police station. Spencer answered the call and put Hotch and Rossi on speaker.

"She had access to ammo for a .38, but not to a gun." Hotch spoke,

"She most likely lives with someone who is into guns, but doesn't allow her access." Spencer started, Morgan continued to conversation, but JJ didn't hear what he was saying because she felt saliva coat the inside of her mouth and the familiar feeling in her stomach. She excused herself and made a beeline to the women's restroom. As soon as she was in front of the toilet she began throwing up. Her throat burned as everything she had eaten that morning made a reappearance. It hadn't been much, but it was more than the saltine crackers she would typically limit herself to in these times. She sat back against the stall and sighed. She knew she would have to tell the team soon, but she hadn't even had a chance to sit down and tell Will yet. She only just found out right after everything happened with Emily and since then she's been on cases... JJ sighed and stood up from the bathroom floor. She flushed the toilet and went to clean up.

---

It wasn't too long before they identified the woman and had tracked her to a local restaurant called 'Sir Burger'. They had the place surrounded but she wasn't giving up. While the others were dealing with the active hostage situation, JJ was trying, with the help of a couple officers, to keep the media at bay. But all she could think of was that little boy. She understood why their suspect was upset, JJ also thought about her own little boy. She kept a straight face for the cameras that surrounded her, but inside she just felt like crying. 

Soon, Hotch was able to calm the woman down and coax the gun from her. JJ watched as she was put into a police car and driven away. She couldn't help but feel bad for the woman, all she wanted was her son back.. JJ pulled her phone from her pocket and looked at the photo of Henry that was her lock screen.

---

JJ entered the home that she and Will shared. She sat her go bag down in the entry way and kicked off her shoes,

"Will?" She called quietly, in case Henry was asleep. She rounded the corner into the living room to find her husband asleep on the couch with her son asleep on his chest. She couldn't help but smile at the sight. She rested her hand over her stomach. Soon, Henry would have a new sibling and she couldn't be happier. She moved closer to the two and slowly lifted the boy who was still practically a baby. He was a little over a year old now. As she lifted him, Will opened his eyes and blinked at her a few times,

"JJ?" He murmured. JJ rested Henry's head on her shoulder,

"Yeah, its me." She whispered. He smiled and pushed himself into a sitting position, 

"What time is it?" He asked. JJ glanced at the clock, 

"About 1:30 am." She said, "Why don't you go get in bed?" She said, Will nodded and stood up. He kissed her and then Henry and made his way to their bedroom. JJ carried Henry to his crib and laid him down. The boy stirred slightly, but he fell asleep. JJ watched him sleep for a few minutes before making her way to the bedroom. Will was brushing his teeth when she entered the bedroom,

"How did it go in Tampa?" Will called from the master bathroom. JJ began to take off her skirt and blouse to change into some pajamas. JJ considered the question for a minute,

"About as well as you'd expect. We got our unsub, but she killed so many people and scared a lot more..." JJ said, she thought back to the mall. There had been so many kids there, luckily none of them got hurt. JJ relaxed into the bed as Will slid in beside her,

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, he knew that sometimes that helped, but other times JJ just wanted to forget about the cases. JJ shook her head,

"No, no  I want to talk about something else actually." She said. Will raised his eyebrows,

"Oh?" JJ nodded. She bit her lip,

"Henry is going to be a big brother." She said, a smile breaking out on her face, Will's eyes widened as he looked at her,

"Oh my god, JJ, thats amazing." He said, pulling his wife into a hug. She hugged him back and melted into his arms,

"I know, I'm so excited." She said, "I found out a couple weeks ago and I just couldn't find the right time to tell you with both of us working so much... But We're gonna have another baby." She said. Will smiled,

"When's the first ultrasound?" Will asked,

"I have an appointment next Thursday." She said, Will smiled and kissed her, JJ kissed him back, resting her hands on his stubble-covered chin.

"We'll go together." He said once they pulled away. JJ nodded.

---

It was another month or so before she decided to tell the team. They had been called for an early meeting and Hotch informed them that they may be contacted by other division because of budget cuts. As soon as he finished his sentence, his phone rang.

"Virginia state police believe they may have uncovered a serial killer." He spoke, "Dave you and Morgan head to the crime scene." the two nodded, but before they could move, JJ spoke up,

"Really fast..." She started, "I have some happier news for you guys." Everyone looked at her, but Spencer was the first one to realize,

"I'm getting another godson?" He said, smiling widely, JJ smile,

"It could be a god daughter." She said. Everyone smiled and congratulated JJ before heading to their assignments.

---

JJ's pregnancy had went healthy. They soon found out that they were going to have a baby girl and everyone was excited. The team held a little baby shower for her, Garcia had already bought a ton of outfits for the little girl and many different sizes. Everyone was so excited to welcome her.

It was November, the team had been sent to Kansas for a case and JJ was due within the week. She had decided to stay back for that very reason, then Henry got sick. He had ran a fever all day, but by the night he had broken the fever, JJ assumed the ibuprofen had helped. But the next morning while he was having breakfast, JJ and Will both felt that something was off. JJ sat Henry's pancakes in front of him, but he didn't dig in like he usually would. Henry was staring off, and that wasn't normal for him. JJ looked a her husband,

"Something is going on, Will..." She said and as soon as she did she noticed the small boy start to shake slightly, JJ's eyes widened and she and Will both jumped into action. JJ pulled the tray off his highchair and Will eased the kid to the floor, supporting his head as he seized.

"I'm calling an ambulance."  JJ said, pulling out her phone. A few minutes later, paramedics were loading her son into the ambulance. Will rode with them as JJ drove behind. That was when the first contraction happened. She'd been having false contractions for a few days, but this one felt different and she knew this one meant it was time, but she pushed the thought from her head. 'Henry needs me.' she told herself. 

---

JJ and Will sat together in the hospital room. They were told that seizures like this were common for kids his age, so they were going to be released shortly. JJ's contractions were getting closer together, but she had continued to hide them. But Will had noticed. Henry had moved to sit against JJ, his head was laying on her bump. JJ felt another contraction and she bit her lip and took some breaths, Will lifted Henry off of her and smiled,

"I guess we should head over to the maternity ward next?" He said. JJ blushed, "How far apart are they?" He asked.

"They're, uh, every 5 minutes now..." She admitted. Will smiled,

"Okay, I'll call Henry's sitter." He said, pulling out his phone as the doctor entered with Henry's release papers. JJ listened to the man as he gave them release instructions and then the small family made their way to the maternity part of the hospital.

___

Lucy Roslyn LaMontagne was born a few hours after JJ was admitted. She was a beautiful baby girl with a head full of blonde hair, just like her mom and her older brother. The couple were both so exhausted, but so happy. Soon, Henry was brought in to meet his new sister and when the team got back into town, they all crowded in to meet the new LaMontagne baby. JJ just wished Emily could be there to see the beautiful baby.

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Hey guyss

😬 yeahh the cameras :(

:( bc that's just a rough situation

Ahh yeah then you can see all the trauma of that xdd

Oh right and they get real (not real) cameras lol

Hmm okay so he did try to break in

Ope?

LOL his accomplice o.o guess he did need help xD

Guess he doesn't care about being found now? Fair enough

Do you not see they're cops o.o

Ayy we love the commitment xD

Oh no-

Sir o.o

XD

Oh gosh they really hate her o.o

Don't go in too angry bestie be chill xdd

Yeah bestie she knows 😬

C'mon girl you got this 😬

😑 sir

Leave her aloneee

Okay good response good response

GLAD?

Bro I hate this guy 😑

Okay be chill be chill

But also go off girl xd

Honeyy xd 😭

OPE good thing they left those cameras o.o

??

The bandages and such, were there two of them?

Annnd they don't know the island 😭😬

Nope

Oh gross 😭

NOOO sir sorry 😭 poor girlie :((

Bro is crazy o.o

Bailey now is not the time xD

Nolan I don't think that'll work

Nah yeah he's way crazy o.o

I mean it kinda is a whole operation now xD

Nolannn be chill 😭

Guysss 😭😭

Maybe they'll hear the yelling?

UMMM

UH OH UH OH

EXCUSE ME???

Imagine if they killed Bailey right here

Did he shoot John in the leg???

YEAH RUN GUYS GUN

And screaming lol

Ahhh no him

Howw though?

OHH YEAH THE JAM

SLAY NOLAN :D

YOO go off Nolan with the chair

Y'allll 😭😬

Uh ohhh uh oh

OOP go off

Hey guys XD I mean why are they even there lol

Just for funsies xD

Ah for towels clearly 😌

EW

LOL the backup xD slay

ICONIC go off all y'all

XD funny that Nyla and Angela were too late lol but I'm sure the lift out and emotional just, them being there helped!

Ayy slay Celina :DD

Nice compliments Tim :))

Lol nahhh he ain't

Aww hey guys xD

XD yeah she's being going through it lol xd 🤢

Awww besties :'))

I love them sm thank you very much <33

Yeah it'll be back to normal soon :'DD :')

I'm glad we didn't drag that out too long <33

Aww that good night Celina was cute idk why

The way he said it was satisfying/sweet :)

Babeys <33 🥰

OOP detective's list o.o?

Uh ohh

Nah she's gonna see her name farther down but still there hey :)

Good shock?

Uh oh

Okay maybe it's not good shock xd

ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ huh??

Oh bc she'll be on it for so long :((?

Aww 17 😭😭 Honey I'm so sorry :(((

Lucyyy 😭😭😭😭😭💔❤️

Poor babey :'(( <3

I thought I saw a bit of a clip that said 17th place and that explains it xdd 😭

Nahh she'll do something that moves her up idk how but she will

I'm glad story wise she didn't do too amazing though :') :'/

XD hey besties lol

You look tired

I mean that's kinda what we expected though isn't it lol

Oogh gosh o.o pieces 😬

Ahh yeah xd makes sense

The getting paranoid lol

I mean they were conducting surveillance lol-

I mean they didn't do much xD

XDD guys

LOL

I mean is it really that pleasant there xD

After all the. yk. murder lol

Awww honey 😭 xd

Okay phew I don't have to see her tell Tim lol

Not that he would've been upset with her or anything, he probably hugged her lol :) but still it would hurt me

I mean is it worse though xD

Awww what is it (this is a tiny bit of the clip I saw, like "prize for 17th" is what I saw)

AWWWWW STOP THAT IS SO CUTE

Did he get that as 1st originally on purpose :'))?

Honey <33

LOL metro xD

AWWWW lovelies 🥰🥰 of course she did :')

If this doesn't prove he supports you doing that idk what does xD

Awww honey :')) :'( you could never disappoint him <3

AWW yeah :') xD

Y'ALLLLL they're so cute <333

Aww it is cute/sweet xD <33 🥰❤️

Ope 👀?

Nahh it's a tv ain't it xD

Yep

Lol good for you guys XD

I bet you got that from the beach though and I just have to say. You do know you live by the beach don't you xD

Awww y'all 🥰 at least you had a good time for a while there lol

Happy Honeymoon for real guys 🥰🥰❤️

Awww lol I love them <33

[pascallatte]

Oi, Pedro!!

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x actress!reader

Summary: Y/N and Pedro’s friendship from the pov of fans and friends collected in 2012.

Date: December 2012

Warnings: age gap but still platonic!reader but with a hint of something cause 👀 friends don't- you know what you’ll know once you read it. a curse word.

A VIDEO COMPILATION OF Y/N AND PEDRO'S "FRIENDSHIP" the year 2012.

P.s. This contains videos posted by fans and friends so this is the quick buildup of their relationship when they were seen together last April to November 2012

Vid 1: caught by fans last April, doing an ice cream run the night before Pedro’s birthday.

Whispers were heard as the video started, the camera clears out and zoomed in on the pair on the far side of the sidewalk.

“Is that really them?” the guy walking ahead asks.

“Of course, I know and I’m sure that’s Y/N.” The one who’s recording zooms in on the pair.

“Oh my Godd” she let out a loud gasp as she shook her male friend,” She’s with Pedro!!”

“Who?” The guy asks as he tries to get a clearer look at them.

“PEDRO PASCAL! You douche! Look they’re getting ice cream, come on let’s go say hi”

The video focuses on the two of you who were standing in line, in front of the ice cream stand. You are seen chatting with him, rather enthusiastically before bending down to somehow calm yourself down after all that laughter.

Pedro who was listening to you the whole time tried to help you up as you continue to fall down to a kneeling position before threading his arms around your waist in a way to stabilize the woman he was with. They calmed down after a few seconds before it looked like you were beckoning Pedro to share his thoughts as he was then seen explaining with the same enthusiasm you did a while ago.

The one recording got close enough to start a conversation and she did.

“Hi excuse me, sorry for disturbing your time. But I just wanted to say that I am a big fan of you, y/n, and I’m hoping to see you in more projects in the future.” The girl starts as she focuses the camera on you who, in shock, moved behind Pedro while clutching the side of his jacket.

“Oh hi! Thank you for the support and uhm you weren’t disturbing us, and uh- yeah, Thank you again!!” You said somewhat nervously as you shyly giggled while looking at the pair who approached you and then at Pedro, with a somewhat “I don’t know what else to do, help me” look.

Guys the look!!! The motherfreaking look, Y/n gave Pedro AAAA that isn’t a look friends give each other if they’re asking for help but for the sake of this video I’m gonna let you guys judge.

The video resumes as Pedro clears his throat and with a small smile, he begins,” AH yes thank you for the supporting y/n but we really need to go. It was nice meeting you yeah?”

And as if god was with them, as soon as Pedro finished talking, their ice creams were done and he was seen taking both before pulling you by the hand.

“Oh, it was nice meeting you too, and have a happy birthday tomorrow sir!!” The male friend says before he was seen ordering.

Walking away, you were seen smiling towards the camera mouthing a small thank you, before side-hugging Pedro as a sign of thank you.

Ok but that was cute… I cannot think of anything but Pedro understanding the look on y/n’s face as she looked up at him

Vid 2: a very old ig story from one of the producers of Supernatural, September 2012, finishing up se 8 in Vancouver

Music was heard blaring in the background. They were in some sort of resto-bar in Vancouver as they were shooting for Supernatural SE 8. The video camera then flips to show two of the show’s producers with the on-show siblings: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and Y/N L/N who was seen wearing only a knitted jumper set and a beanie.

They were asked to say hi one by one before Pedro, who was trying to stay hidden, was seen seated just right beside you.

now hold up, ever since I watched this, it made me curious as to why Pedro was there if he wasn’t part of the cast. It’s cute that they’re seen hanging out and supporting each other’s works but really, you’re gonna fly to Vancouver just to hang out OMG I’m telling you, guys, something is up between the two.

The video then continues to rotate as the producer shows the interior of the place they were at, he then starts talking about the upcoming release of supernatural season 8. But despite the loud music in the background, a short whispered conversation was caught in the recording.

A small voice saying “cold” was the first thing heard followed by a loud “what?”.

But when the video camera rounds the table once again it was then clear that you and Pedro were the ones whispering to each other.

The camera was passed to Jensen who also proceeds to say random stuff to the camera with the occasional screams.

The whispering then continued but this time louder.

“I said, it’s too fucking cold, I told you it was a bad idea to go here straight from the set.” You said that was slightly heard.

Pedro then replied sounding rather smugly “ I know but I also told you to bring your puffer with you cause you get cold easily, now whose fault is that.”

A loud smack was heard in the background that made Jensen look to his right before laughing and continuing whatever he was previously doing.

“I know OK! I just thought it would be warmer here 'cause it is a bar and-…” you said but was soon muffled as the music got deafeningly louder.

As the phone was passed to Jared, he calls and taps you on the shoulder first, before sharing the camera with you. In the last few seconds of the video, you were seen wearing a blue puffer jacket that looked at least 3 sizes bigger than you.

oh….we know who gave her that jacket. And aaaaaaaa y/n complaining because of the coldness is so me because as soon as the temperature drops I’d be running my mouth all the time.

Vid 3: caught by fans in a bar in downtown Manhattan 2012, November

Pt 1

The video started with you walking rather happily, you can actually call it skipping at this point. Shushes were heard in the background when you started sprinting down the path.

Stopping in front of a bar in downtown Manhattan, she brings her hands towards her mouth in an O position before shouting “ OI Pedro!!” and raises both hands up to wave.

The fans taking the video sounded shocked and muttered multiple “Oh my gosh Pedro’s here”, “Pedro oh shit he’s with her again”

In the background, Pedro was seen turning excitedly before jogging towards you and pulling you into a tight hug before placing his hand on your cheeks while telling you something that the video wasn’t able to get. 

After a brief chat out in the entrance, Pedro wraps his arm around your shoulders before leading you inside.

hold up I, when I don't see my friends for months straight, never really hug them that long and then maintain eye contact cause we'll be too distracted and excited to catch up but theyyy don't see each other for a week and they react like this, i- I don't wanna say or think of any more excuses. Ok back to it then

Before the video ended, the fans recording shouted your names while you turned around for a quick wave, then proceeded to enter the building.

It seemed like you two were catching up as this was a week after that red-carpet event you were absent from because of an illness that made you stay at home.

Pt 2

That same night a fan in the bar posted on her Facebook a pic of her male friend with y/n and Pedro. The picture was followed by the video below.

“Girl you better record all this, 'cause I wanna rewatch the moment I met one of the best pairs ever in the media industry,” her male friend told her before they were seen walking towards the table you and Pedro were sitting at. The one recording then followed her friend to have a closer look.

“-nd yeah that’s what happened, people do tend to follow you around,” Pedro’s voice was heard before he was even seen on camera.

Straightening themselves up her friend slowly walks to the table and pats you on the shoulder. Pedro gave the one recording a look before nodding towards you who was caught taking off your beanie.

With a wide smile, you looked at them with a “Hi, hello”

The male friend quickly greeted back and asked you how your day was. You responded enthusiastically. The same person was also seen waving to Pedro and he waved back with a small shy smile.

“Y/n, I know this is a little going past the line but I just wanna say that despite being sick in the past week and a half you are motherfucking glowing girl.” The male friend said with a lively tone.

With a laugh you looked towards Pedro who is seen nodding while looking you up and down. Turning back to the fan you laughed and said “Awww thank you!! Not what I expected but that is different than what I usually hear.”

The chatting then continued for another minute of chatting before the male friend asked for a picture to which you eagerly stood up and pulled them for a hug before finding a place for the picture.

A shot was already taken with the fans’ arms wrapped around you to form a hug when you suddenly separated yourself and went back to the table to pull Pedro up.

A loud “Come on Pedro!! Just this once, I don’t wanna do it by myself.” Was heard from you while Pedro was seen standing up rather slowly before pulling you by the neck and walking towards the camera.

You asked the friend to take another picture but with you three in which they nodded enthusiastically as they looked at you.

Fixing yourselves up, the first photo was with you three just smiling and standing stiff. Then the second pose was when you placed your arm over Pedro’s shoulder, who was forced to lean down by the way, and your other hand squished his left cheek. A couple more photos were taken before the fan said a quick thank before they were seen going back to their tables, however, Pedro was stopped by a female fan for a quick picture and a wave.

“Girl, I don’t know how I handled that but I am going to remember that for the rest of my life.”

a/n: hello if you get to read this thank you and sorry that this was a bit longer than usual, but I wanted to try this format so yeah here we have it. alsooo I haven't really decided on when I would post so if you guys can help me decide it would be of great help.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Request: Wally with a Child!Reader who snuck backstage during a special live taping of Welcome Home to see him, as he is their favorite character

Oh this idea is cute!!! I like the trope of humans and puppets/cartoons coexisting (like in who framed roger rabbit) so im absolutely using that here

........

"Aaaand that's a wrap! Thank you all for coming to our exclusive live taping of Welcome Home! Be sure to gather up all your things before leaving through the exits on either side of the studio. Wally and his friends appreciate each and every one of you visiting their neighborhood!!"

The director's voice echoed over the intercom as the audience's applause gradually died down, with you being the last one to clap. Your hands almost hurt, but you didn't care. The smile on your face was huge

You still couldn't believe that you and your family got to actually see the entire Welcome Home cast in-person!

Especially Wally.

It's probably lame to say you liked the main character as a majority of the show's fans probably did...but it was true. You loved listening to his narrations, seeing him paint, and getting into all sorts of shenanigans with the gang.

During this live taping--which you won tickets to--he interacted with the audience a lot with his sweet eyes and warm smile, taking all of you on a journey into his world. You could see he was really happy to interact with all of you.

And that's why you were kinda sad when the curtains closed and the camera crew started packing up things, realizing it was already over. They still had a lot of work to do before they could put the episode on the usual television station Welcome Home was featured on, so they made sure every guest was out of the studio.

But fortunately, none of them noticed you sneaking down the steps and managing to find the door conveniently labelled "Backstage Access".

You knew you could get into a lot of trouble, though your family was catching up with some friends and their children. So surely they won't notice you were gone for quite a while.

You just really wanted to see Wally and personally tell him you're his biggest fan. It would make his day!

Eventually you did find him sitting by himself at the makeup booth, in front of a mirror surrounded by lights. His blue cardigan was draped over the chair, and he rolled up his sleeves before undoing the ascot around his neck. All the while, he smiled at his reflection dreamily with half-lidded eyes.

He looked a little tired, but happy nevertheless.

You would have approached him...if not for the director abruptly showing up, a stack of script papers in his hand. He seemed upset and annoyed, compared to the cheery tone he had earlier, so you just hid behind one of the large loudspeakers, eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Look, Wally. How many times do we have to go over this?" He huffed. "You need to ease up on the excessive eye contact. It's been giving a few of my cameramen the creeps."

"Oh, I'm awfully sorry, sir. But..I thought that's what people liked.." Pouting slightly, the puppet looked at him, resting his elbow on the armchair to prop his chin up. "Where else can I look if not the camera or adoring audience? I can't just stare at the ceiling, y'know."

"..well it helps to blink every once in a while. That's what we humans do so it doesn't look like we're staring into each other's souls....like you're doing right now."

"Ah...am I..? Haha.." Wally laughed uncomfortably, forcing himself to blink as he fidgeted with the ascot in his hands. He looked down at the floor. "Sorry. It's just a habit-"

"Don't make excuses, Wally. I know eye contact is essential to your character but...I'm sure you wouldn't feel comfortable if I stared at you like that all the time, right?"

"Actually that wouldn't bother me at all." He gazed at the director with a polite smile, only for it to drop as he looked furious.

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"...no? I'm only being honest, sir."

"...whatever. I have my lunch break now, so just...try to get what we discussed through your head." The director huffed, shaking his head before he turned and walked away, bumping into one of his assistants.

"You good, boss?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine..it's that damn puppet. I keep reminding him about his staring problem, but it's like I'm talking to a brick wall.."

Although he could barely hear them, Wally knew that he made the director upset...again. And that turned his usual smile upside down as he looked back into the mirror.

"I don't get it...everybody loved the show..." He muttered to himself, touching up his hair, but not even seeing his own reflection could cheer him up. "So why is he so...angry at me all the time?"

You frowned slightly as you watched his shoulders slump, hating how sad he sounded. That director of his was so cruel! He didn't know what he was talking about!

Determined to help your favorite character feel better, you finally gained the confidence to say something and emerge from your hiding spot.

"What am I doing wrong?"

"I...think you're doing your best, Wally. Don't listen to him."

"Huh..?" Surprised, he looked over and saw you shyly standing beside the loudspeaker, blinking in bewilderment that you were able to sneak back here unnoticed. "Oh hello, Neighbor--! I mean..." He paused, a bashful smile on his face. "S-Sorry, it's-

"Habit? Don't worry, it's okay." You reassured, stepping closer to him as you tried your best to contain your excitement. "You can call me Neighbor..or [y/n], if you wanna."

"[Y/n]..that's a nice name." He nodded, although his gaze turned serious as his eyes flickered left and right, before he leaned down to get closer to you. "It's nice to meet you, but I'm afraid you've must've taken a wrong turn. You can't be back here."

"I know, but..I really wanted to see you! You're my favorite and..I didn't like what that mean man said to you."

"Oh..him? Don't fret, my friend." Wally softly chuckled. "That "mean man" is my director and...he's only suggesting how I can improve myself! He can be blunt sometimes, but I have to listen to him. Just like how you have to listen to your parents and teachers."

"Yeah.....but he didn't have to be so rude." You huffed, hands on your hips. "If he has a problem with your staring, it's his fault, not yours. He's just a big ol' dummy."

He was amused by your attempts to defend him so fiercely, and he couldn't help but break into an even bigger smile.

"I agree, he is a big dummy..but that's a secret between you and me." He winked, before hopping down from his chair, opening his arms up to you. "Well thank you for lifting my spirits, dear [y/n]. I wish I had something for you, but...this is all I can offer."

"That's okay! I'm happy to help!" Nodding, you eagerly hugged him, feeling how soft his plush body was. "You're...not gonna tell anyone I'm here, will you?"

"Nope. Why would I do that to my number one fan?"

All you could do was beam at his compliment.

This was truly the best day ever. Not only did you get to meet Wally face-to-face...but you also helped him feel better!

Sneaking backstage was absolutely worth it.