#and every part of it I altered in some way

[ko-existing]

So.. how do I get XYZ?

Someone asked me if " '' has any method, practice, or way to make XYZ appearances show up as they'd like—and the answer might be simpler than you'd think.

" " doesn’t operate through methods, steps, or tricks because there is nothing outside it that needs to be achieved. Whatever is perceived, noticed, felt��no matter the appearance—is just " " showing itself, in real time, right here and now. There's no delay, no waiting for some ultimate experience, because each experience is the " " you’re looking for with no end, in every moment.

The mind's narrative, its ideas of waiting, achieving, resisting, this, that, are just part of the play, a dream within the dream. Nothing the mind produces is an obstacle or an enemy; it’s simply another appearance within " ", just like everything else. Think of it like watching a movie: each scene appears in perfect clarity on the screen. You might get caught up in the story, but the screen itself is never altered, changed, or delayed by the movie’s plot. The mind’s impressions are no different—just flickers on the infinite screen of " ".

This is the playful nature of " ": no barriers, no steps, no 'outside' and no 'inside'—only the endless play of itself, appearing however it appears.

[dammarchy211]

The Think Tank Random Headcanon List

Two people asked for this so that means it happening 👍 your welcome, most if not all of these r prewar/brain tank

-this one’s pretty supported in canon but think Dala likes fashion and dressing up🫶. I love giving her a fun little outfit

Yay

-0 had back pains pre brain tank. Also a lot of fatigue. The certified professional sleeper. When he’s working on projects in his home he tends to do it lying on the floor.

-this one’s basically canon but 8 has arithmomania. I say basically canon bc things in his house in Higgs often come in sets of 8, as well as his house being the 8th house despite there not BEING 8 houses. I think this would also extend to counting to 8 on his fingers when he’s nervous and such.

-tied in I also believe 8 has ocd. Borous has bpd.

-Dala was pretty reserved growing up, as she grew up/especially in the looped personality she became for lack of better terms “bolder and more flirty” as compensation for having been so withdrawn previously.

-I am wishy washy with a lot of gender headcanons for characters, my brain kinda just goes well idk if they’re trans but they’re not Not trans. However I do feel quite definitively that Dala is nb transfem, and Mobius and 0 are trans men.

-I think all of their names have some tie to the names they had pre recursion loop. Canonically both Klein’s name and his prewar last name start with K. I think the other’s names have similar ties.

-on that note, I think Borous’s old name (/just his family in general) has Painfully Russian origins. It makes his McCarthyism thing so hilariously ironic

-I think 8 is Canadian, but he only lived there pre annexation of Canada, he was working at big MT and living at Higgs once it happened.

-0’s old last name used to be “O’something” and people still used to call him Dr. O then and he still hated it. Doomed fate

-re: Mobius being trans, i think his first name was Edward. He named himself after Dr. Morbius from the movie The Forbidden Planet

-Klein is a big wine guy, like obvious there’s wine bottles strewn about his house, but I mean like. He’s the kind of guy to just know things about every kind of wine.

-Klein is probably the best dressed after Dala, I think he just tries to be professional for the most part. 0 thinks he’s fashionable but he isn’t. Already mentioned but Mobius dresses like an old lighthouse keeper. Cableknit sweater and the works. I think he’d also like antique pipes

I’m probably gonna alter the Klein outfit but yeah you get the idea. Doodles

-I feel SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS. But 0 and Borous went to high school together. 0’s one line mentioning Borous in high school was just way too telling.

-Klein and Mobius need reading glasses. Dala used to need glasses, didn’t wear them throughout her childhood until like college, and then switched to contacts after college

-The think tank are all very close and got along much better prewar than they do at the time of the game. They kinda Jean-Paul Sartre No Exit’d themselves and their personalities are stuck in an endless loop. To say the least they started getting on each other’s nerves after 200 years. But this is to say they didn’t still bicker or anything prewar

-8 never really liked talking much. Possibly having selective mutism. This was mostly fine for him because pre brain tank you have facial expressions and hands and hand gestures that kinda make up for not talking at times. After the brain tanks he was kind just. Forced to talk to relay information. His speech was extremely awkward and stilted, which combined with the above head canon is why Dala made that comment about how they light him better now that his voice modulator is broken.

-they all have autism of some flavor tbh. To me. In my autistic mind.

-dead animal ment.// but I feel like Borous was that kid who like poked at dead squirrels and shit as a kid. It frames the Gabe and cyberdog thing well lol

-I’m an 8/0 head so I think they worked together a lot. Even if it’s not on the same project they would just do thinks at the same time together.

-the mentats on Klein’s bedside table are Mobius’s

-0 used to be a super big fan of House and RobCo when he was in high school. Obviously that is no longer true

-0 excels at making robots that are smaller. He doesn’t want to acknowledge this though. Muggy and his walking eyes (w/ wild wasteland) are both pretty small but they work well. The larger scale securitrons he’s tried to make obviously. Do not.

-I think the lounge music theme for the radio was a collective choice, but I feel like Dala especially likes music like that.

-Klein and Mobius used to play games like chess or checkers or card games “outside” in Higgs old person style.

-post brain tank one (woah) Klein has fleeting feelings of missing someone or something he can’t recognize. Any memories tying it to an image of a person he doesn’t quite remember. His brain just doesn’t connect that it’s Mobius and he usually just pushes the feeling down whenever it happens lol

If I think of more I’ll add them.

[l-in-the-light]

Finally someone said it! Every time I try to point it out, people just dismiss it, so I stopped yapping about it, but I will now, because I feel encouraged by this.

Franky, our resident specialist on cyborgs, checked up the PX-4 model they just defeated and declared it's a cyborg, not a robot. He's half-human, half-machine. That's why they bleed!

But who are the Pacifistas then? Why do they look just like Kuma? Look at Sanji's reaction there. We know that Germa actually CAN create humans/clones from scratch!

They all have the same face (and body shape). Just like Pacifistas that look exactly like Kuma.

Franky didn't know that you can create humans from scratch, so he thought Pacifistas are just Kuma's twins or cyborgs modified to look like Kuma. But thanks to Whole Cake Island arc we know human beings CAN be built from scratch!

Judge continued the research (that he did before with Vegapunk) by himself, escaping Government's grasp. The research was for copying and augmenting life which means they researched lineage factors aka the blueprints of life itself. They take OP's equivalement of DNA from a person and make clones.

Judge even keeps those human clones in a special bio-like substance, which we know is kinda neon green. Color green often appears in One Piece in science related to lineage factors (SAD, soldiers of Germa, Seraphim's green blood), and also in relation to soul (any time Brook activates his soul resonating abilities), and, curiously enough, the steam coming from Udon's prison camp chimneys is the same shade of neon green. And then people wonder why do I keep yapping about Green Fairy alcohol... I just see the pattern here, okay. It's green, just by that fact alone it's suspicious, and drinking it did alter Strawhats behaviour for a bit. It screams soul/lineage factors.

And here's a moment of angst for you all. Yes, those clones are people and are unaware they're clones. They're just living their lives the way they were programmed (in their life blueprints), blissfully unaware they're disposable living shields and military power.

The question of "free will" is being raised here. And we should ask the same about the Pacifistas (and perhaps Seraphims). They're also clearly programmed to act the way they do, which is very machine-like. But they are half-humans.

Caesar says this in chapter 684: "[Punk Hazard] is a military testing faculty! We're all here because the Navy wants a weapon that can kill as many pirates as possible!". Punk Hazard wasn't just some random science lab where anyone does whatever they want. They're all there for this purpose, not just Caesar. Vegapunk and Judge were doing things for the military as well.

We know that officially it's Vegapunk who discovered lineage factors. I say "officially" here because I have a feeling he wasn't actually the first, but it's just the obscure feeling I have about it, I don't have clear evidence. Anyway, Vegapunk worked on lineage factors and Judge is using lineage factors, so either VP shared the research data with him or Judge pursued it on his own after they went their seperate ways.

Judge proved to us one thing: yes, you can create human beings from scratch, as long as you're smart enough to make use of lineage factors. You can also use it to clone people! Judge can do all that thanks to Vegapunk's research, so it's likely Vegapunk can do that as well and even better. That's how Pacifistas were born. Seraphims are an even better versions of Pacifistas, because they use green blood with lineage factors for devil fruits and use the best lineage possible: that of Lunarians.

If Vegapunk has Lunarians' lineage factors at his disposal, then there are two possible deductions to draw here: 1. he was part of the research group that was performing really cruel experiments on King, because he is literally the last Lunarian present in the story and we know indeed he was captured by the Government at some point (guess in what science lab was King kept? On Punk Hazard). 2. Government (Saturn) shared with Vegapunk the results from the said experiments so he can develop Seraphims.

But let's theorize that Vegapunk did whatever he could not to dirty his hands and he only sticked to creating countermeasures to mass murder weapons, and whatever the Government was doing to the prisoners, he had no hand in it. But after he got captured by the said Government and forced to work for them (and created Egghead as the result, seastone coating for ships, Pacifistas and Seraphims, among many other things), it's likely he had to at the very least adapt the research data they gave him that they gathered from experimenting on humans. They also had to give him access to SAD (hence the green blood). And of course he had to use Kuma's lineage factors to make cyborg clones of him aka the Pacifistas.

Also, just to clarify, I don't think Vegapunk experimented on humans willingly, I think he was forced to either 1. ignore it and saw it being done under his nose (he was definitely not unaware of it, he was the leader of the science group on Punk Hazard) 2. use the data given to him that was gathered through human experimentation (Vegapunk is smart, he must have guessed how that data was acquired) 3. build cyborg human clones for the Government. Let's also not forget Stussy, who is apparently a clone made by Vegapunk as well!

But I do believe Vegapunk always did whatever he could to not cross a certain line. After all we know that while working on Punk Hazard, he earned Ibel Peace Prize for 'GP Flowers' that bloom out of gunpowder and did those very resistant protection suits that work even against deadliest gas weapons developed by Caesar. But he also did some human enlargement experiments (most likely on the prisoners, but at least he never experimented on children, Caesar made sure we know that). It's simply that in the world of One Piece there's only so much you can do without making your own conscience guilty, if you work for the Government.

Also, Vegapunk might have had a choice to leave and live the rest of his life as a runaway, but then he wouldn't be able to do science anymore. His only choice would be doing it for the criminals in some emperor's empire, like for Big Mom. We can treat him as Government's hostage who just couldn't oppose their power or views directly. Or, quoting Sanji, Vegapunk could have just given up on his dream and hide for the rest of his life in some god forsaken hole, like Woop Slap in Fuusha Village or Wolf in the North Blue, to never openly attempt science again. (Hm, why am I mentioning Woop Slap? Oh, I dunno, just a hunch). I think Vegapunk's ultimate plan to send his research stratum to the clouds was his final stand against the Government. He never truly wanted to cooperate with them, not after what he learned that they do. But he really had limited choices there. Using their funds to create potential for better future of the humanity is really awesome way of flipping them a metaphorical finger for a goodbye though.

Also fun fact, but there is one interesting inconsistency about Punk Hazard's explosion. There were in fact, two explosions, not just one. We know Caesar pressed a self-destruct button (Vegapunk installs that in every research lab he worked in). But there was apparently one more explosion in a different lab. I like to believe Vegapunk did it by himself, either to make use of the situation and destroy the human experimentation site of the Government (he could even blame Caesar's explosion for that, which would be quite clever), or because he was simply mad about the human experiments. It would be basically him flipping them a finger as a goodbye, haha. Sadly he got captured by the Government later.

I like Vegapunk exactly because he is such a morally complex character, makes him feel very human in his struggle to stay at the side of "good" in the "good vs evil" debate.

But let's not forget when Clover visited him at Punk Hazard, Vegapunk himself voiced his concern, unprompted "you won't find the answer to good and evil in old stories", proving that this dilemma was always at the back of his mind when he stayed at the lab there.

Also the "stand down" advice seems genuine, maybe he also had to "stand down" to get through Punk Hazard phase of his life, witnessing the many horrors there.

Also, Vegapunk did think the clones he created are actually humans, as one can see from his interactions with Stussy. He never treated them like machines. Would he treat Pacifistas like humans as well, though? That I'm not so sure about. He might have planned them to be just living machines with a computer program instead of a brain, but as long as he uses people's lineage factors, the results always go beyond his expectations and comprehension. Pacifistas might as well be one of Vegapunk's unmentioned sins.

It will be commented on later by Drake, but something I feel that gets overlooked by the fandom is that the Pacifistas bleed. They're not pure robots. but utilize the Vinsmoke cloning technology and are like Franky--a slurry of mechanical and organic bits mixed together into one.

So when characters like the Straw Hats blow them up, it's not as simple as destroying a robot. There was a person in there somewhere, even if they were grown in a vat and had their brain replaced with a computer. This is a little bit more obvious with the S versions shown in Egghead, but no less horrific here.

[itacats]

2 Lines Means Positive (mini-series)

FT: Simon Riley x reader

Warnings: pregnancy, worries of repeating the past/being a bad father, please let me know if anything else should be here!🙏

A/N: Baby fever is in full swing this last little while, and I thought why not plague you all with a mini-series! There will be more to come for some of the other TF141 gang, but they'll just have to wait their turn.

SUM: Simon, a man haunted by a turbulent past, finds an unexpected moment of peace in a quiet Manchester evening. When you call him into the kitchen with life-changing news, he’s forced to confront the shadows he thought he’d left behind.

Whispers of Hope

In the heart of Manchester, the rain poured steadily, creating a rhythmic backdrop that seemed to wash the world in a muted symphony. The room was bathed in a cozy, golden glow from the dim lamps scattered around, their light reflecting off the dark wood accents and worn leather couch. Shadows flickered gently, forming a mosaic of memories on the walls—memories that Simon Riley could never quite leave behind. These walls had seen him at his most vulnerable, his most broken, but they had also held the echoes of laughter, soft conversations, and the comfort that you both had woven into this place over time.

From his seat on the couch, Simon watched you glide through the kitchen with the kind of ease and grace that he found both foreign and comforting. There was an air of simple beauty about you as you moved, your sleeves rolled up, strands of hair slipping down past your ears, framing your face. You didn’t need to look up to feel his gaze; the warmth of his presence filled the room like a tangible force, blending with the aromas of herbs and simmering vegetables. It was these small moments—your content hum, the sizzle of food in the pan—that painted the portrait of a life he never thought he’d be part of.

You had pieced together a life of quiet sanctuary from the fragments of two turbulent pasts. Here, the ordinary became sacred: the unhurried evenings, the lazy weekend mornings, the feeling of safety that had been so hard to come by. It was fragile yet profoundly resilient, like the ivy that grew stubbornly through cracks in the cobbled streets outside. Every meal, every tender moment shared was a testament to your joint determination to build something out of nothing, to push back the darkness with a relentless light.

As he rose from the couch, crossing the worn wooden floor toward the kitchen, Simon felt a swell of emotions that had taken him years to understand, much less articulate. In the delicate frame of the person he loved, he saw a reflection of his own transformation—a man haunted by wars, scars, and regrets, now finding himself on the cusp of something he never believed he deserved: hope. The shadows in his mind receded a little as he approached, drawn forward by your voice.

“Simon! Can you come here for a second?” Your voice held an edge of anticipation, soft yet weighted, as if bracing for the impact of the moment. He quickened his pace, heart drumming in sync with the rain outside, a mixture of curiosity and unspoken worry bubbling beneath the surface.

“Sure, love. What’s up?” His words were casual, but his heart pounded as he watched you, a small plastic stick in your hand, held with the care and fragility of a message that could alter everything. Your eyes flickered with something unreadable—a mix of wonder and anxiety—and it was a look he’d come to know well: the way you gathered strength before sharing something you held close to your heart.

As you looked up, drawing a breath, the world around Simon slowed. All the battlefields, all the sleepless nights, all the walls he had built around himself felt oddly insignificant. He could feel the gravity of this moment settling over him, seeping into his bones, as the words left your lips:

“I’m pregnant.”

The words reverberated through the kitchen, hanging in the air like an incantation. For Simon, it was as if time had splintered. A swirl of thoughts collided within him—visions of childhood, flashes of solitude, echoes of a life filled with struggle and survival. But above all, one thought loomed larger than the rest: Could he be the father this child would need? He had always thought of parenthood as a distant, almost impossible concept—a role reserved for men without his past.

His gaze flickered to yours, searching for the strength he suddenly felt slipping through his grasp. “Wow…” he whispered, the word barely escaping. Simon could feel the old fears creeping in, familiar and unwelcome. His own childhood flickered in his mind like a reel of dark images, a life marked by pain and isolation. How could he, someone so steeped in darkness, nurture a life so fragile and innocent?

You stepped toward him, your hand reaching for his arm, grounding him with a gentle pressure. “Simon? Are you okay?” The tremor in your voice softened as you met his gaze, unwavering, clear—a lighthouse guiding him back to shore.

He closed his eyes for a moment, sighing as he combed a hand through his dark hair, trying to gather his scattered thoughts. “I just… I don’t want to screw this up. I’m afraid, love. Afraid of what I carry inside—afraid that I’ll let you both down.” His voice trembled, each word revealing cracks in the armor he’d worn for so long.

You held his gaze, firm and sure, your hand rising to rest over his chest, right above his heart. “Simon, you’re more than your past. You’ve faced so much, but you’ve never faced it alone, and you won’t now. We’ll do this together.”

In that moment, Simon felt an indescribable warmth—a kind of healing light that began to seep through his defenses. Here, in the heart of your small kitchen, surrounded by the comforting scent of dinner and the quiet rain outside, he felt something rare: hope. His world, once defined by battles and shadows, was now tinged with the promise of something softer, something worth fighting for in a different way.

“I want to be there for you—and the baby,” he confessed, feeling the weight of the words settle like an oath in his heart. It was a declaration, one spoken not from fear but from love.

“And you will be,” you whispered, a tear slipping down your cheek, the warmth in your eyes a mirror to his own. For once, Simon wasn’t haunted by the ghosts of his past but guided by the love in your gaze.

He pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you, feeling the reassurance and strength of this newfound purpose. Together, you stood amidst the rain’s gentle rhythm, a silent promise lingering between you. For the first time, Simon Riley felt a light within him strong enough to break through any darkness—a light he would carry forward, forged not by fear, but by a love that would lead him into the unknown.

Here's the current post schedule with some upcoming stories to look forward to!

[drunk-person]

The tomb of liars (The Gossip) P.10

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x cousin!reader

Summary: One of the most talked about gossips among the lower class servants in Kings Landing is the fact (or not) that Aemond Targaryen got involved with his cousin Y/n Targaryen when they were both teenagers. Mainly due to the fact that at the age of 17 she was sent to Old Town overnight. Some employees claim that Aemond was caught between her legs. Some say that, like her father, she had had a horrible fight with her uncle and aunt and was sent away. And other than that none of this happened, she just became interested in the course offered at the Old Town conservatory. But now five years later, Y/n Targaryen is back, and rumors haunt those who favor them.

This chapter is a part of a main story The gossip, you can find the previous chapter, summary and general tags by accessing the link.

Summary of the chapter: Back five years ago, to the tragic night that changed a life and forever altered every dream.

Warnings of the chapter: 18+, pounds and pounds of teenage romance, teenagers being totally crazy and hormonal, teenagers discovering themselves, young love, family fights, dysfunctional family, severe trauma, mentions of depression, religious guilt, mention of purification rituals, no description for reader.

Word count: 16.500 k

A/n: I hope you enjoy the new chapter. For those who want the songs of the chapter: Demons by Boyce Avenue and You've Got A Way by Shania

*The author strongly advises using a tissue box

"Good morning Kings Landing, it seems that Y/n Targaryen, known daughter of Prince Rouge, left our city for an indefinite period of time the night before. The Targaryen family did not inform the reason, the only thing that is known is that apparently she decided to spend some time in Old Town with her aunt's family. Doesn't look much like our girl, does it?"

❦❦❦

After the first time they made love, it became an addiction for Aemond and Y/n that neither of them could give up. It was like when they learned to kiss a few years before, but much worse. And after a few times using condoms, the two decided together that they would like to try without, with that in mind they went stealthily to a pharmacy in the Flea Basin after class to buy birth control pills for Y/n without even looking properly at the pharmacist in the process for fear of being recognized by someone.

Everything got even better if that was possible, neither of them could keep their hands to themselves no matter how hard they tried, their brains seemed to be controlled exclusively by crazy hormones that made them jump on each other whenever they had the chance. Like on a particularly boring night when they went to dinner at the luxurious restaurant of the Aegon's Fort hotel and during dinner the two of them ran off to make out in the hidden bathroom, exchanging kisses uncontrollably amid euphoric laughter.

Little by little they were discovering things about each other's bodies, they became wilder about it and less careful. Like when on a trip to Harrenhall in the ancient history seminar everyone decided to go to a party and as the two of them danced too close to each other, Aemond started saying dirty things in Y/n's ear and caressing her in a way that was too intimate for a dance floor in a public place full of acquaintances. When the club's lights went out during a small power outage, he had two fingers buried deep in her heat, and she sighed against his neck, grabbing him shamelessly.

Every time Viserys traveled on business and took Alicent with him, the two of them do whatever they wanted with the peace of mind that they would not be caught. Like the day they stole a bottle of wine from the cellar and drank it to the end, having gotten terribly drunk for the first time in their lives, alone and hidden in the attic of the mansion.

Dancing to an old song that neither of them knew, but that Aemond had put on to play on the old record player that had been stored away for years. Spinning around on the wooden floor until they could no longer stand and fell onto the carpet, hugging each other and just laughing like idiots lying on the floor while they admired each other, exchanging sweet kisses and soft caresses, talking in characteristic voices with alcohol slurred voices.

-Aemond? - S/n's laughing, alcohol-slurred voice sounded as she stared at him, slightly cross-eyed.

-Hmm? - He stared back at her, laughing, his eyes slightly lost.

-The roof is spinning for me. Is it spinning for you too? - She asked, holding back her laughter and looking up again.

-Yeah. Fucking spinning. - The oldest confirmed, dragging his own hand across the floor until he reached hers and held it affectionately between his fingers.

-How does Aegon manage to do this all the time? - She laid her head to the side, looking at him and laughing at her own dizziness.

-I have no idea, but I'm sure I can't get up from the floor without falling. - Aemond murmured, laughing, caressing the palm of her hand, tracing the lines delicately.

-Do you think they really tell destiny? - Y/n bit her lips curved in a questioning and slightly silly smile. - Hel thinks so.

-Nonsense. - Aemond rolled his eyes a little credulous and his voice slurred. - We chose our own destiny, I chose you to be mine. - He left a kiss on their intertwined hands. - But if they did, your name would definitely be written on mine.

-And yours in mine. - Her eyes shining as she gently pulled him into a kiss full of innocent affection, gently brushing her nose against his while Aemond held her hand firmly next to his.

They both got really good at not getting caught. The problem is that when you get really good at something you tend to underestimate the intelligence of the people around you.

Like the night Aegon found out everything by catching Aemond sucking on S/n's nipple while he fucked her in the pool on a particularly hot midnight, when Viserys and Alicent were traveling once again. It started innocently enough, just like everything else in their lives, the two were just watching a movie cuddled up on the couch when S/n suggested that he could take a dip in the pool since they were alone, making Aemond agree.

They were just swimming around each other while cooling off, splashing each other and laughing. Until when they were both almost at their peak, Aegon's shrill scream echoed throughout the garden along with the sound of the table with an umbrella that was in the pool area falling to the ground when the oldest leaned on it in shock, knocking it over in process.

-You shouldn't be home! - Aemond shouted with his eyes slightly wide as he and Y/n readjusted their underwear to cover themselves. - It should be in your house! What the fuck are you doing here?

-And you two shouldn't be fucking in the fucking pool! - Aegon shouted with his hands on his head, looking around in shock as Aemond got out of the water and went towards him.

-Stop screaming! - Y/n hissed in a whisper and followed Aemond out of the pool with her entire body red with embarrassment, feeling her cheeks burning. - Someone is going to hear you, you idiot!

-You can't tell your mother anything about this! - Aemond spoke very seriously, but with his skin equally flushed, staring at his older brother. - Seriously, Aegon!

-Do you think I'm stupid? - He chuckled ironically, turning his body backwards while rolling his eyes. -Fuck, she’s going to go so crazy when she finds out about this. - The oldest of the three put his hands on his head while cursing visibly in panic. - Damn. Damn. Fuck.

-She won't find out anything! - Aemond hissed. - We're going to tell her! But only in a few years when no one can do anything about it.

-How long have you been doing this? - The oldest whispered, looking from one to the other, still shocked.

-Some time. - Y/n murmured, looking at the back of Aemond's head as she tried to cover herself by wearing his shirt, as she was only wearing her panties and bra when the two jumped into the pool.

-Oh shit! - Aegon made an instant grimace of shock when he heard that.

-What are you doing here anyway? - Aemond hissed, changing the subject as he put on the black shorts he was wearing earlier.

-Jaehaerys forgot that weird stuffed caterpillar Hel gave him here. - Aegon rolled his eyes, momentarily distracted as he spoke about his son. - He doesn't sleep without her.

-You left Jaehaerys alone? - Y/n widened her eyes at the suddenly shrill voice.

-Yes, I left my two-year-old baby alone in my apartment. - The eldest rolled his eyes ironically. - Obviously not Y/n, my maid, Mr. Dancil is with him.

-By the Gods. - Aegon grumbled one last time, looking from his brother to his cousin in deep shock before entering the mansion in search of the stuffed caterpillar with his hands clasped behind his neck.

Just as promised, Aegon didn't say anything about what he had seen in the pool. After the scare that night, both Y/n and Aemond had become more careful about touching in public. But that didn't stop Aemond from leaving love notes or openly depraved notes signed with just an "A" in Y/n's locker every time he passed by on his way to advanced calculus class. Or that he would place his hands on her thighs as they studied at a picnic table tucked away on the school grounds.

-I'm worried, Aem. - She mumbled with a frown, leaning over her books as she felt him caressing soft circles under the hem of her cheer uniform skirt, absentmindedly, while he wrote something in his own notebook with his other hand.

-Mmmm. - He mumbled, frowning, putting the pen aside and staring at her. - What is it?

-I barely understand this subject with your help, I have no idea what I'm going to do in my senior year when you're in college. - She huffed resignedly, making a loose strand of hair fly over her eye.

-You'll do fine either way. - Aemond laughed when he saw a caricature of the calculus teacher with a lightning bolt striking him in the head in the upper corner of Y/n's book and smiled drumming his fingers gently on her leg. - You shouldn't underestimate yourself so much. You got a good grade on the last test.

-You know very well that I looked at Elyrio's answers on that test Aem. - She sighed laughingly, looking at him from under her eyelashes.

-And you know very well that that's cheating. - He murmured ironically, drawing a gentle circle on her thigh with his fingertips.

-Only if I get caught! - She rolled her eyes, biting her lower lip as she arched her eyebrow at him laughingly.

-I can't wait to be free of all this and be able to do only what I want. - She smiled, still lying her head on the picnic table, imagining the future.

-Just a year and a half. - Aemond murmured with a slight smile on his lips, lightly squeezing her thigh under her skirt. - And we will be far from all this, starting our own lives.

Her eyes lit up instantly when she heard him say those words, and with a smile Aemond guided his free hand to her hair, leaving a gentle caress on her scalp, continuing to speak in a low and cheerful voice.

-I've even looked at some apartments for us, temporary of course. Just until we finish the college, so we can get rid of all this madness and buy our own home. - He smiled beautifully at her. - You'll love one of them, it's in Aegon's building, but it has a beautiful view.

Y/n had to restrain herself with all her strength not to jump on him and kiss him right there when she heard him talking so lovingly about the plans he had for the two of them.

-I'll make everything beautiful! - She smiled excitedly, looking at him, already lifting her head from the table. - We could paint the walls yellow, what do you think? It would bring joy to the environment, buildings are so sad. - She curled her lips thoughtfully. - And plants! - Y/n smiled even more, closing her eyes and imagining. - I'll put several of them everywhere, with lots of flowers.

-Don't put plants near my books, Highness. - He rolled his eyes. - Or it will make them grow mold.

-Okay. - Y/n was barely listening as she imagined everything with excitement and Aemond couldn't help but smile just by seeing her smiling.

-I have to go to fencing. - He rolled his eyes when he saw that free time was almost over.

-Oh you won't believe it… - She smiled mischievously biting her lower lip and staring at him.

-What did you do?

-I convinced the student council that the fencing team needs cheerleaders as much as any other team in the school… this means... - She winked at Aemond gracefully making him laugh and shake his head negatively. - Saturday I'll be there courtside with my pom poms cheering for you!

-The correct term is piste. - He smiled ironically, unable to stop himself from pulling her into a hug and murmuring against her hair.

-Whatever, I'll root for you to destroy them all anyway. - She laughed, rolling her eyes and placing a kiss on his cheek that left a pink lipstick mark.

❦❦❦

The months seemed to fly by, Aemond's 18th birthday had arrived and with it the end of summer vacation. Y/n and he had taken a month-long trip to Dorne with the excuse of visiting Helaena at college together, the two of them actually visited her but obviously did a lot more in their free time. With Y/n driving Aemond crazy and buying almost half the clothes in the city. While he rolled his eyes and said that if she was good and had the kindness to go with him to the main bookstore he could let her play designer with him.

It had been an incredible month, the two of them living alone in Dorne doing only what they wanted, he almost forgot that there was a life beyond that. It was almost like in their dreams where there was only love and happiness, but now they were home again and reality called.

Aemond was lying on the bed motionless, stared at the ceiling. He was going to college on Monday, and had seriously thought about staying at home for another year and moving out only the following year, but the reason would be too obvious and they didn't want to raise any more suspicions.

He and Y/n could do this, they would see each other whenever possible since he was going to KLU (Kings Landing University). When they asked if he didn't want to study abroad, Aemond promptly replied that he would like to study in Kings Landing, since one of the best and oldest universities was in the city and he could do an internship at the family company. Omitting the main reason, Y/n was in Kings Landing, and he wouldn't go anywhere without her.

The sound of the door slowly opening took him out of his thoughts and he smiled when he saw Y/n entering his room wearing a pearly satin cardigan down to her knees. She locked the door behind her and with a smile ran towards Aemond's bed, throwing the cardigan aside, jumping on the sheets and crawling under the duvet.

-Come here. - Aemond pulled her into a side hug and she laid her head against his bare chest.

Y/n caressed his hand and looked at him from under her eyelashes, Aemond immediately knew that she wanted something and was not finding the words to tell him.

-What happened? - He asked, caressing her cheek with his fingertips.

And Y/n, still unable to find words, brought her hand to his chin and pulled him in for a kiss. The two continued kissing languidly in sync, and she climbed onto Aemond's lap, sitting on his thighs, making the grayish nightgown she was wearing rise up her own thighs.

She stared at Aemond as she bit her lower lip gently and nervously reached for the hem of her nightgown, pulling it up and revealing her completely naked body underneath. And even though by now Aemond had seen her naked hundreds of times, he was still mesmerized by the sight of her beautiful body.

-Happy birthday. - She said, looking at him slightly shyly, which was confusing Aemond since Y/n hadn't been shy around him for a while. She walked around naked in front of him as if it were nothing, she was confident in her own body because she knew Aemond idolized it. And suddenly he worried that he had done something that had made her insecure.

-Did I do something that made you uncomfortable? - He asked as he gently stroked her waist and looked into her eyes.

-No, I just want to do something different today. - She sighed, looking into his eyes. - Something we've never done before.

-What? - He asked curiously, still caressing her waist.

Y/n placed her hands over Aemond's, removing them from her waist and guiding them to her ass, and sighing when she felt Aemond squeeze her gently.

-Y/n. - Aemond looked at her very seriously as he began to understand the connotation of what she meant.

-This is your gift. The last part of me that hasn't been yours yet. - She said against his neck with a soft and gentle voice as she left a gentle kiss on the scar on his shoulder.

-You don't need to do that. - He sighed against her soft hair, feeling that sweet and soft scent that made his soul happy. - I never asked you to do that. - Aemond looked into her eyes with nothing but affection as he caressed her bare back with his fingertips. - You don't need to feel like you have to do anything to please me, you know that.

-I want Aem. - She smiled with her hands against his cheeks, caressing him sweetly with the tips of her thumbs, tracing every mark and every line on Aemond's skin. - I want you in every way and in every possible way. - She murmured, looking into his eyes with such a passionate glow that Aemond almost lost his breath.

-I would let you do anything to me, and however you wanted because I know that with you it will always be good. - She slowly traced his soft lips with the tip of her index finger, smiling with a candid look that did not match at all the situation they were in. - Please Aemond, accept my gift.

-I love you. - He murmured very quietly close to her, his lips almost touching the shell of her ear.

That night, like every part of herself that Y/n had ever offered him, Aemond accepted willingly, taking her for himself with passion and desire, completely aware of the fact that Y/n was totally and entirely his, with every piece of herself that she was able to give him.

❦❦❦

It was being harder than they both imagined to get through that year. Aemond had no idea how bad it would be not to see Y/n every day and night and how much he would miss her. The two exchanged calls and messages, but it still wasn't enough. They met religiously in the meadow near Kings Wood every Saturday morning and would lie on the flowers talking for hours to kill the longing, laughing hugging each other while looking at the white clouds in the sky.

-I'm going to stay in the dorm until the end of the year, I don't want to move without you. - He whispered to her in the second week, when after he complained about the noise the other students were making, Y/n suggested that he leave right away and go to the apartment, making her roll her eyes and hug him tightly.

Aemond took advantage of those moments to help Y/n with the work and tasks that she couldn't understand, and almost always ended up doing her calculus homework while rolling his eyes and saying that this was the last time, as he always did every time he did her homework since they were both children.

One of the days after Aemond said that he would probably have to give up fighting or fencing for a while while he adapted to college, the two ended up once again with Aemond trying to teach some moves to Y/n, who just smiled and left occasional kisses on his chin, making him roll his eyes.

-Every time we do this I feel like I'm in kung fu panda. - She laughed, biting her lower lip and looking at him, not taking it seriously. - It's like I'm Po and you're Master Shi-fu.

-First of all, this drawing doesn't make sense. - Aemond rolled his eyes, grabbing her arm and gently turning her around, keeping her trapped against his body. - And if we were there, I'd definitely be Po and you'd be Tigress.

-I like that! - She laughed without caring about being trapped by his arms looking at him over her shoulder. - I want a stuffed panda bear now to name him Aemond!

-Mmmmm. - Aemond rolled his eyes deeply, throwing his head back as he moaned at her words.

-You're the one who gave me the idea. - She laughed, kissing his neck.

On the days when Aemond arrived first to the meadow, which was almost every time, Y/n would find him waiting for her with a smile and a bouquet of freshly picked colorful flowers in his hand, always telling her how much he had missed her during the week while leaving a soft kiss on the younger girl's forehead and pulling her into a hug soon after.

-Bad week? - He smiled against Y/n's hair who sighed with her head lying against his chest holding the bouquet in her hands as she gently ran her fingers over the petals.

-I think you'd better not be too close to me today. - She pulled away when she coughed a little, and then rolled her eyes. - I did a biology project with Pia Rosby and she was sick, she probably passed it on to me.

-You better go to the doctor soon. - Aemond frowned. - You almost never get sick.

-I know! - Y/n rolled her eyes even deeper with a slightly shrill voice. - Damn Pia Rosby!

Aemond just laughed, pulling her back to him.

-Aemond! - She scolded, pushing him by the shoulders. - I told you, you're going to get sick!

-I don't care much, I can only see you once a week, I'm not going to waste it. If I get sick, it's the will of the gods. - He murmured laughing and kissed her again making Y/n roll her eyes and reluctantly returned the kiss.

She did get sick, but Aemond didn't; something he made a point of mocking by stating how good his immunity was, making Y/n deeply roll her eyes at the phone during the call in which the two talked about it. They were both really excited since Y/n was better after almost a week, and at the weekend the family would travel together for Corlys Velaryon's birthday in Driftmark and the two could finally spend more than a few hours together.

Practically all the important families of Westeros were present when the night of the ball finally arrived. Aemond and Y/n didn't care at all, the two were just too busy around each other, laughing and talking in the corners while they thought no one was watching them.

-Alicent, don't you think all this closeness between Aemond and Y/n is strange? - Oto asked with serrated lips and a frown as he watched the two dancing together around the room.

-Nonsense. - The youngest waved her hand at her father with a dismissive look, more concerned with watching Aegon who was drinking and laughing with some acquaintances.

-They're just friends. - She shrugged, looking at them briefly and then looking away back at her eldest son. - They both have difficulty getting close to people, they became friends right away. Y/n is a good girl, she's innocent, she always goes with me to the sept, I don't see any problems.

-Last week I heard her telling the septa that she hadn't even had her first kiss yet. - Alicent murmured, making light of the matter and with a hint of pride in her voice.

-I think it's best to keep your eyes open about what Aemond and that girl might be doing, you know, my daughter, tongues talk, and the apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree. - Oto grumbled between his teeth, staring fixedly at Aemond and Y/n. - We don't want another problem.

Alicent looked once more in the direction of her son and niece, frowning softly as she watched Aemond spin her around and then lay her back while they both laughed, looking at each other happily, but with a strange glint in their eyes that suddenly made a new wrinkle appear on her forehead.

-Did you know that this…

-Was one of your mother's favorite songs? - Aemond concluded for her with an arched eyebrow and a sideways smile, making the youngest laugh and throw her head back.

-Yeah, you know. - She laughed even more when he spun her around and turned her back towards him.

-And that this is your favorite too? - He asked, still with the smug sideways smile on his lips, making Y/n roll her eyes deeply and restrain herself with all her might not to kiss him right there in response.

-I think it suits us. - She shrugged her shoulders smiling. - You make me feel that way. - Y/n looked down at her feet before looking at Aemond again and continuing. - Hopeful… beloved…

-Because I love you. - He murmured with his heart racing, sweetly caressing the base of her back with the tips of his fingers making her smile.

-I love you too, Aem. - She whispered only for him to hear, her eyes shining with joy.

-I think this circus will never end so I can love you right. - He rolled his eyes, snorting and looking around the party, which seemed far from over. - It's been two months.

-Last week. - She rolled her eyes, laughing as the two went further and further into the corner, away from the dance floor.

-That day in the meadow doesn't count. - He whispered, rolling his eyes. - We both didn't even take off our clothes. I want to take good care of you, the way I know you like it. - He smiled against her ear, making her blush, and then he twirled her around one last time before the song ended.

Both Y/n and Aemond couldn't wait for the celebrations to end, but as Corlys was a man who liked to demonstrate his status, the party seemed to never end. It was well after midnight when hundreds of fireworks were launched into the sky from barges at sea, forming the shape of a flaming seahorse in the night sky. According to him, the seahorse was for him and the fire was for his beloved wife Rhaenys.

Aemond and Y/n just looked at each other to know that the two were thinking about the same thing, and while everyone was distracted admiring the fireworks on the beach, the two ran to Y/n's room while laughing and kissing in the slightly dark hallways, since there was no one there at the time.

They had just fallen onto the bed, still dressed, when Y/n's cell phone alarm went off and she groaned angrily, getting up and taking a medicine pack from her bag.

-Is it the contraceptive? - Aemond frowned when he saw the yellow pill, different from the usual one.

-No, it's the disgusting antibiotic that tastes like rotten fruit that I'm having to take. - She grimaced before putting the medicine in her mouth and swallowing it with some water in pure disgust.

-Thank you again Pia Rosby! - She muttered ironically, rolling her eyes as she pulled the zipper of her dress that was already open to the middle of her back and walked towards him again.

-Are you eating right? - He frowned very seriously as he asked while gently holding her behind her thighs. - This kind of medicine is really strong.

-Yeah. - Y/n smiled, rolling her eyes and nodding. - I even cut out sugar this week, and you didn't even have to pay Daeron to keep bothering me.

-I didn't need it? - He raised his eyebrows, pulling her by thighs and making her fall on top of him.

-Okay, maybe needed a little. - She laughed, pouting and kissing him, tangling her hands in his cousin's silver hair.

Hours later Aemond was lying on Y/n's naked body with his head resting in the valley between her breasts breathing slowly as he felt the rhythmic beats of her heart. His right hand was resting on her belly, gently caressing the area with his fingertips.

-I can't wait for us to be married. - He smiled, leaving a chaste kiss on the soft skin between her breasts. - And that you're pregnant with our children.

-Do you think we should wait? - Y/n sighed, feeling his touch. - Until we finish college? I don't know if I can wait that long! - She smiled, looking at him, biting her lower lip while her eyes sparkled with joy.

-Maybe a year or two. - He shrugged, smiling and looking at her from under his eyelashes. - Just until we've adjusted.

-And then. - He left another sweet kiss between her breasts and then went down to her belly, placing a loving kiss there. - We'll have our child.

Y/n practically vibrated with joy below Aemond, a smile from ear to ear on her lips. Overcome by joy, she pulled him up again, leaning forward and leaving a kiss of pure love on Aemond's soft lips.

-I love you! - She sighed after the kiss, brushing her nose against his.

-I love you too. - He murmured with his eyes closed, lost in the caress of her arms, the curtain of his silver silky hair falling over them both.

The sun was already rising when Aemond got dressed and returned to his own room after leaving a few kisses on Y/n's sleepy face, who only laughed and grumbled. The two barely heard the conversations at the family breakfast table, Y/n was too busy trying to make Jaehaerys eat some mashed fruit, since Aegon stared into space, sprawled with the coffee cup in his hand, while Aemond was too busy watching her take care of her nephew while smiling.

-What do you think, Aemond? - Viserys's voice sounded excited, pulling him into the conversation at the table and making him look at his father with a confused look.

-I'm sorry, I was a little distracted. - He cleared his throat and adjusting his posture in the chair under his mother's attentive gaze. - What was the question?

-Corlys and I are going to travel to Vale to close a deal with Jane. - Viserys smiled, taking a sip of juice and cutting the eggs on the plate. - Maybe you should take advantage of the break and come along. It's like my father used to say, college is good, but nothing like real life to learn business.

-That would be great, father. - Aemond smiled slightly and he didn't know if his heart was racing for the opportunity or for the look of pride Y/n gave him as she held Jaehaerys in her arms.

❦❦❦

The trip lasted longer than Viserys expected, and what was supposed to be a week turned into a fruitful trip lasting almost 20 days; since they had gone down to Rune Stone to settle some business with Y/n's uncle who had taken over the company after Rhea's death years ago. Aemond's excitement at being there was almost palpable even though he tried to hide it, looking fondly at the green meadow that Y/n had described to him so many times when they were both children as being her favorite place to play, or just lie down while her mother told her a story and they ate cookies together.

Thinking about it only made his heart ache with longing for her, because since they had met that was the longest amount of time the two had spent apart. Aemond had already found it bad that they only saw each other on Saturdays, but spending all those days without being able to see her, without being able to hear her laugh in person and without being able to touch her… was almost killing him. The calls and messages did very little to help them both.

The afternoon they finally returned to Kings Landing, Aemond didn't even set foot in his college dorm. He went to the mansion with his father smiling and eager to see Y/n in person and tell her about the trip.

-Son, I'm glad you stopped by here before returning to campus. - Alicent caressed his hair, carefully placing a crooked strand in the appropriate place. - I missed you, I hope everything went well.

-Everything went great, Corlys really has a lot to teach. - He murmured, shifting his eyes to the stairs unconsciously. - I just came to pick up a book that I think will be useful. If you'll excuse me mom. - He smiled and left a kiss on Alicent's hand before walking up the stairs, making her roll her eyes at her son's always so gentle manner, but then frown in distrust immediately after seeing him go up the stairs so quickly.

As soon as he opened the door to Y/n's room, he saw her sitting on the bench near the window, looking out over the mansion's wide garden, turning around at the same moment he heard the door click.

-Aemond! - She jumped on him with a huge smile on her lips as soon as she saw him, her heart racing in her chest with longing and anxiety after almost a whole month away as she hugged him affectionately. - How was the trip?

-Absurdly instructive in every way it should be, but totally boring without you. - He kissed her on the lips as he said this. - You know, all this made me think that I can't wait for us to be together next year. - Aemond pulled her even closer to him. - Without having to hide from my mother, so you can run to me and wait for me at the door whenever I come home.

-We'll just hide from everyone else on campus. - He rolled his eyes ironically, leaving a small peck on his lips.

-Mmm, they find our whole family strangely disturbed. They won't be that shocked unless we exchange kisses in public. - He shrugged, making her laugh and throw her head back.

-I can't wait to move in with you either, and you know it! - She stood on tiptoe, giving him a kiss on the nose.

-I brought some gifts for you. - He murmured, hugging her with devotion while he felt her practically rubbing her cheek against his neck.

-I love gifts. - She sighed, smiling close to his ear, making him tighten the hug even more.

-I know that. - Aemond smiled against her hair, leaving a kiss there.

-I brought a dress from one of those stores you're always talking about. - He left a kiss against her ear as he spoke, making Y/n laugh and tilt her head towards his lips with a spasm.

-What color?

-White.

-Did you buy me a wedding dress? - She pulled away, looking at him laughing and arching her eyebrows as she bit her lower lip.

-Not yet. - Aemond sighed and left a soft kiss on her lips.

Little by little the two walked, until they fell sitting together on the same bench below the window, with Y/n sitting on Aemond's lap while he held her firmly close to him.

-How are things in Rune Stone? - She asked quietly, her head resting on his shoulder. - Did my uncle ask about me?

-Yes. - Aemond smiled slightly as he said that, his heart relieved that the man had asked about Y/n's well-being, since he knew she would be upset if he hadn't even remembered and Aemond couldn't lie to her, even if it was for a reason like that.

-He said he would like to come to the capital to see you but he doesn't have time since business is booming with the trade agreements your mother had made years ago that have started to pay off.

-Really? - Y/n smiled, hugging him even tighter and smiling against his chest, feeling a warmth in her chest when she heard those words along with a devastating feeling of pride at knowing that the work her mother had done in life was still thriving.

-Mmm. - Aemond nodded softly, stroking her hair carefully so as not to mess it up. - Rune Stone is really beautiful.

-We could travel there in the summer. - Y/n suggested very excitedly, leaning on Aemond's shoulders to sit better on his thighs.

-I think that would be great. - He murmured, leaving a soft caress on her hand. - By the way, I brought you something from Rune Stone.

-What?

-A teddy bear. - He laughed, holding her waist firmly. - Guess which one.

-A rabbit?

-No, Mr. Bunny would be jealous if he had to share you with another rabbit. - Aemond rolled his eyes, kissing her neck. - He took after me in that aspect.

-I don't know, then. - She laughed, clinging to him. - A cat maybe? Or a bird?

-No and no. - He laughed, hugging her tightly. - The chances are over.

-What was it then? - She smiled anxiously, leaving a kiss on his chin and neck.

-A panda.

Y/n stood still instantly with her eyes shining in a laughing smile.

-No way. - She got up, adjusting her slightly wrinkled clothes.

-Where are you going? - Aemond raised his eyebrow, looking at her.

-I want my dress and my bear. - She smiled, heading towards the door as if it were obvious, and rolling his eyes, he followed her.

The two of them were walking down the stairs laughing when they found Alicent halfway down, looking at them with a strange look on her face, and for a moment Y/n felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, as if the temperature had dropped 10 degrees in 10 seconds.

-Were you together already? - She asked, raising her eyebrow.

Y/n didn't know what to say at that moment, since her aunt had never cared about the amount of time the two spent together.

-I went to call Y/n to come down. - Aemond took the lead with a carefree voice as he shrugged. - I brought her something from Rune Stone.

-Very kind of you, isn't it Y/n? - Alicent smiled at her and momentarily Y/n managed to breathe again.

-Yes, aunt, but Aemond is always very attentive. - She smiled, looking away at the oldest. - It's in his nature to be like that.

-Not with everyone. - Alicent slightly narrowed her eyes. - Let's all go down, dinner is served. You can give her a gift later, Aemond.

Leaving no room for discussion, Alicent turned around, going down the stairs and waiting for the two on the last steps. With no escape, they went straight down to the dining room, where Viserys was already sitting at the table while the servants made the final adjustments.

-Aegon isn't coming to dinner today? - The patriarch asked, looking toward the door with a frown. - I would like to see Jaehaerys.

-Lyan is in town and asked to see Jaehaerys. - Alicent muttered irritably, pulling the chair to sit down. - As if she really cared about the boy!

Dinner went smoothly after that, until Alicent noticed Y/n who was just moving the food from side to side on the plate instead of eating, since dinner was usually the meal where she ate the most with everyone together at the table talking.

-Darling, is everything okay? - Alicent asked sweetly, looking at her worriedly. - You barely ate breakfast today.

The moment Alicent said that, Aemond raised his eyebrows and looked at Y/n, because he had already told her at least a hundred times not to skip breakfast or eat junk food early in the morning, since she always got sick in the afternoon when she did that.

-Yes, I am, auntie. - She laughed embarrassedly, playing with the food on her plate. - I just shouldn't have eaten all that chocolate earlier.

-Y/n, you're an adult now, I don't need to tell you anymore that you can't eat sugar out of hours. - Alicent murmured with a frown. - I don't want you to end up getting sick.

-Sorry, aunt. - She smiled. - I know you're worried, it's just that Rhaenyra brought those from Essos that I love.

-I already told Rhaenyra not to bring that junk home or she'll end up killing one of you. - Alicent muttered irritably, looking at her own plate, while Aemond continued to stare at Y/n.

-She doesn't mean anything wrong, my dear, she just wants to be kind. - Viserys smiled at his wife, gently taking her hand.

-She does it to affront me because I've told her a million times not to! - She hissed, glaring at her husband.

-I had brought a box of madeleines for you from the Vale, we can open them tomorrow. - Aemond muttered, taking advantage of his parents' argument.

-By the Gods, I never want to see madeleines in front of me again. - She muttered with a slightly disgusted look, making Aemond frown, since the youngest had been crazy about this sweet since they were both children.

-Are you sure you're okay?

-Yes, I just ate a little too much. - She whispered, rolling her eyes. - I was really craving it, so Daeron and I went to the flour street, bought two boxes and ate them while watching TV, but I must have eaten too much because I felt a little sick afterwards.

-I'll have to stay with my mother on this one. - Aemond rolled his eyes, gently stroking her hand under the tablecloth. - You can't eat that much sugar, you know that diabetes is hereditary.

-I know. - She murmured, biting her lower lip and tilting her head to the side with a subtle side smile. - I swear I'll take it easy with the sweets.

-What are you talking about? - Alicent's voice sounded, interrupting the conversation, making Aemond frown in confusion at the strange way his mother was suddenly acting.

-I'm just telling Y/n to cut down on the sugar. - He replied with an arched eyebrow. - Where's Daeron? I haven't seen him since I arrived.

-He's studying at a friend's house, he must be in home soon. - Alicent muttered, looking at her golden wristwatch.

Shortly after the servants began to clear the table, the housekeeper came to Alicent, warning her that Oto was on the phone waiting for her, making the older woman get up and leave them, followed by Viserys, who still had some travel paperwork to organize.

-You have a knack for business, Aemond. - He muttered as he left the room, making Y/n give her cousin a bright smile, who rolled his eyes and pulled her by the hand towards the back living room where their bags were, taking advantage of the fact that Alicent had finally left them alone.

-Have you noticed my mother? - He muttered, pulling the zipper of the suitcase and staring at her. - She's been acting strange.

-She was normal until this morning. - Y/n frowned in confusion. - We went to the sept together yesterday as we always do, nothing extraordinary. Do you think something's wrong?

-I must be just being paranoid. - He shrugged, finally opening the suitcase and taking some things out.

-It wouldn't be the first time. - She laughed, rolling her eyes and then widening them when she saw the teddy bear that Aemond took out of a blue bag.

-Gods, he's so cute. - She smiled, taking it from Aemond's hand with a soft pout on her lips, lowering her voice to almost a whisper before speaking. - I could kiss you right now, you know?

Looking around quickly, Aemond pulled her by the cheeks and placed a soft kiss on her lips, making the younger girl smile against his lips, kissing him back languidly while holding the bear tightly with one hand. The two broke off the kiss, jumping away from each other the moment they heard the sound of the back garden door opening, both with wide eyes, relaxing gently when they saw Daeron come in whistling and throwing his sneakers to the corner before jumping onto the couch, laughing.

-So, how was your trip, big bro? - The younger smiled, lying down on the couch and looking at Y/n and Aemond upside down, frowning when he saw their red faces. - Are you two okay?

-Yup.

-Of course, why wouldn't I be?

The two spoke in a jumbled way at the same time, leaving Daeron even more confused.

-Okay, you guys are weirder than normal today and your normal is already bizarre. - Daeron raised his eyebrows, still staring at the two upside down, until his eyes focused on the stuffed panda in Y/n's hands and he stood up with his eyes shining.

-Where did this bear come from?

-Aemond brought it for me from his trip. - Y/n smiled, inevitably looking at the eldest with a look so passionate that anyone who looked closely could notice.

-And what did I get? - Daeron raised his eyebrow, looking at his older brother very seriously, making Aemond hold his breath for a moment.

-Mmmm…..- After a few moments of thinking he saw the ornate box of madeleines inside the suitcase and smiled pulling it towards the youngest.

-A box of madeleines.

Daeron smiled mischievously, accepting the box of fine sweets from his brother's hands.

-I know this wasn't for me, but I'll accept it anyway because of your lack of consideration for your little brother. - Daeron said laughingly, then jumping over the back of the sofa and running out of the room laughing before Aemond could reach him.

-I'll be in my room playing video games, just make me take off my headphones if someone dies! - He yelled from the stairs.

-Little pest. - The older man muttered, rolling his eyes with a small sideways smile, as he took a package wrapped in purple tissue paper from his suitcase, looking in Y/n's direction right after and handing it to her, who received it eagerly.

-Aem… it's beautiful. - She smiled exultantly when she saw the white dress that should reach her knees.

-It's just like the one you said you wanted the other day. - He smiled, caressing her cheek with the back of his fingers. - Did you like it?

-I loved it! - She smiled, hugging him and leaving a kiss on his neck.

-Put it on for me then. - He murmured against her hair, and Y/n nodded positively, still smiling, already standing up and pulling Aemond's hands with her.

The two went up to the rooms via the back service stairs, laughing and occasionally exchanging kisses, almost dying of fright when one of the maids appeared at the end of the hallway and almost caught the two in the middle of a kiss, but it wasn't the first time that had happened, so the two just entered Aemond's room in a hurry, gently slamming the door behind them.

-Ok, turn your back. - She asked holding the dress to her chest, leaving the bear on her cousin's coffee table. Aemond frowned, slightly arching his eyebrow as he looked at her ironically.

-That's not the point. - Y/n rolled her eyes at him, grabbing him by the shoulders and turning his back while he smiled. - It's supposed to surprise you.

-I'll be surprised anyway. - He murmured with a small smile on his lips, making her leave the little kiss on them before going to the other side of the room to change her clothes.

-You can look. – You can look. - She murmured softly a few moments later and Aemond turned around almost at the same moment, seeing her wearing the beautiful white dress that whether he wanted to or not, made him think about how beautiful she would look wearing a wedding dress.

-Do you like it? - She asked, smiling and smoothing the skirt of the dress carefully.

-Really need to ask? - He curved his eyebrow with a look of enchantment, admiring her, then gently taking her hand and turning it around, making the skirt of the dress flow softly around her as he watched her with devotion.

-You're beautiful.

Y/n just laughed throwing her head back as she spun around and felt Aemond's gentle touch against her skin.

-What are you thinking about? - She whispered with her lips smiling close to his ear, hugging him closer and closer.

-How beautiful you'll look wearing a wedding dress for me. - He murmured against her hair, hugging her back and pulling her towards him, making Y/n smile even more against his neck.

-And you? - He whispered back to her. - What are you thinking about?

-How much I love you. - She murmured, kissing his neck softly. - How much I want to marry you soon, to be yours forever.

-You're mine forever. - He whispered, brushing his lips against hers. - Love you. - He murmured before finally kissing her properly, drawing a sigh from Y/n's lips and making her almost melt against his arms.

-I miss you. - Aemond sighed against her ear, pulling her closer and closer until they both fell onto his made bed.

-Me too. - Y/n mounted him, placing one leg on each side and kissing him languidly while Aemond moved his hands up and down her back, waist and hips, squeezing her with devotion.

In pure affection and adoration, he undid the satin ties that held the dress to her shoulders, gently pulling it down little by little, exposing Y/n's beautiful skin, on which he distributed soft kisses.

-So beautiful, my love. - He sighed, putting his head between her breasts. - So beautiful to me.

-Wait… - She gasped under his touch, making Aemond stop kissing and look at her confused.

-You're going to wrinkle my new dress. - Y/n complained, making him laugh softly in a nasal way, supporting himself on the mattress with his hands while she got up and finished taking off her dress, folding it carefully and placing it on top of the stuffed bear.

-Protecting those poor innocent eyes? - Aemond joked since Y/n always covered Mr. Bunny's eyes when they made love in her room, while he pulled her by the thighs to climb on top of him again, making her roll her eyes, pulling the hem of his shirt and throwing it carelessly on the bed.

The two rolled around in the sheets lost in each other's touch, Aemond didn't even realize when he had taken off his pants, but he knew he was only in his underwear between Y/n's legs, who was completely naked for him, while he kissed her more and more deeply.

-Be careful, they are a bit sensitive. - Y/n sighed when he kissed her breasts, and Aemond nodded gently, kissing her even more.

Y/n panted and sighed, every touch from Aemond was a wave of happiness in her body and she was always yearning for more. Her back arched against the sheets amidst slight tremors of pleasure as Aemond tortured her with his mouth between her thighs, occasionally murmuring dirty things, or how much he loved her, making her throw her head back in ecstasy, feeling her legs tremble on the verge of climax.

Lost amidst the euphoria, neither of them heard the sound of the door opening and the light footsteps entering the room. It was there, at that moment that suddenly everything went to hell as the door to Aemond's room opened without warning and Alicent entered distractedly calling him.

-Aemond, your father asked… - She didn't finish the question before emitting a horrified scream that echoed through the walls of the room, when she saw her son between Y/n's legs while the girl was lying among the pillows with her eyes closed and clinging to him.

Aemond instantly got off of Y/n while trying to cover both of their nakedness with a sheet as fast as he could, hiding Y/n's body behind his own. The two of them looked scared like two deer caught in the headlights, motionless and unable to form a word that made sense.

-Mom… what. - Aemond could barely form a coherent sentence, his heart racing in panic while he could feel Y/n's heart racing against his back. - Both of us… we..

-By the Gods, everyone told me something was wrong, everyone did. - Alicent scolded with bloodshot eyes and her hands resting on her head looking in the direction of the two. - But I said no.

-Aunt. - Y/n cried to Alicent wrapped in Aemond's sheets, still hidden behind his body trying to hide her own nakedness.

-Don't call me aunt! I took you in as a daughter when you were nothing more than a poisonous viper. - Alicent screamed lividly, going towards the bed and stopping when she saw the dress and the teddy bear on the table, her eyes burning even more with anger at that moment.

Aemond didn't even get dressed, he just grabbed the shirt that Y/n had thrown on the bed moments ago, and with trembling hands he put it over his cousin's head trying to preserve it, while she shrank closer and closer to him, barely able to move to put on her panties under the sheets with Alicent's shrill screams echoing through the room.

-This is an affront to the seven, an affront to our family! - Alicent screamed louder and louder. - Do you have the slightest idea what would happen if someone found out about this?

-Aemond, my son, how could you let yourself be corrupted by this… this… tramp! - Her voice dripped venom and anger.

Y/n felt those words as if they were a slap in her face. Her sweet aunt, who had taken such good care of her throughout her life, looking at her with disgust, as if she were the lowest trash she had ever seen in her life, and addressing her in such a cruel way.

-That's enough, mother! - Aemond hissed back with a deadly look, putting on the pants that were thrown on the floor, briefly moving away from Y/n to do so. - You're not going to talk about her like that!

Alicent found herself even more horrified, if that was possible. Aemond had never raised his voice to her in his entire life. Never, not once had he done anything other than obey. And now here he was, yelling at her while standing in front of Y/n defensively.

Y/n in turn felt exposed, barely able to move on the bed, tightly holding onto Aemond's arm, who was standing in front of her, staring at her mother. The once safe environment of the room now felt cold and hateful, with the walls seeming to compact on them with each passing second.

-Get your hands off him, you manipulative snake! - Alicent shouted angrily, walking quickly towards the bed and pulling Y/n's arm tightly away from Aemond's protective touch, pulling her out of the bed, making Y/n squeal with the sudden pull, trying to move her arm away. from the angry touch of the aunt.

-Don't touch her! - Aemond shouted, trying to make Alicent let go of Y/n, his hands were shaking as were his lips.

-Auntie… please stop it! - Y/n begged through tears, feeling Alicent's unshakable grip compressing her arm as the older woman tried to pull her away from Aemond, who in turn tried to hold his mother in desperation.

-What in the seven hells is happening here? - Viserys' voice thundered through the room, leaving everything suddenly silent, making Alicent finally let go of Y/n's arm, who was hugged by Aemond at the same time as the two walked away from Alicent, trembling and with frightened eyes.

-Viserys, this girl has desecrated our home! - Alicent screeched, going towards her husband with bloodshot eyes. - You don't know the filthy act that I witnessed when I entered this room!

Viserys barely breathed as he looked in the direction of Aemond and Y/n, finding them half-naked, she only wearing Aemond's shirt and panties and he only wearing his pants still unbuttoned. Both disheveled and clinging to each other, Y/n crying and Aemond looking on the verge of tears as he hovered in front of Y/n protectively. The messy bed further evidenced what kind of unholy activities Alicent was referring to.

-What did you two do. - Viserys muttered tiredly, bringing his hand to his forehead and then sliding it to the bridge of his nose, his tone not a question, it was almost a disgusted statement.

-It was her! - Alicent scolded. - She did! I shouldn't have accepted this idea of yours of bringing this girl here knowing who her father is! She corrupted my son!

-That's enough mom! - Aemond shouted again when he heard her talk that way about Y/n and when he felt his cousin sobbing softly against his skin. -Father, that's not true. - He looked very seriously at Viserys.

-Madam, is everything ok here? - A maid's voice echoed through the hallway, making Alicent's eyes widen and she practically ran towards the door, slamming it hard.

-Get out of here! - She shouted at the woman before she reached the bedroom door. - I don't want anyone out of the kitchen until further notice, anyone who leaves there without being called will be thrown into the street!

-Alicent… do you think it's sensible… - Viserys started but was interrupted by her at the same moment.

-What is sensible, Viserys? Let the employees see this depravity and go around spreading what happened here everywhere? - She scoffed rolling her eyes at her husband. - No, absolutely not! I will not let Aemond be tarnished like this in front of everyone!

-For the love of the gods, Alicent, let's at least talk about this somewhere else. - Viserys said, looking around where the dress Y/n had worn to dinner was still visible discarded on the floor next to the table, as well as the strong smell still present in the air in the stuffy room.

Alicent's eyes went in the same direction as Viserys', hovering again over the white dress and the teddy bear, which she clutched tightly under the watchful eye of Aemond, who was still paralyzed on the other side of the room, holding Y/n tightly against him.

Y/n only had time to put on a pair of shorts and Aemond a shirt, before they were taken by the elders to Viserys' office, both without making a sound, just holding on to each other exchanging frightened looks, feeling a weight so heavy in their hearts that it almost suffocated them both.

The path to the office seemed to be hundreds of miles long while the ground beneath them seemed to burn them as much as Alicent's glare against their backs, the sound of the door closing behind them sounded more like the sound of a saddle than anything else in the world.

-When did this start? - Viserys finally asked firmly, looking at the two very seriously with Alicent at his side.

-Father, it wasn't like that my mother is making it out to be. - Aemond took the lead, taking a deep breath before caressing Y/n's arm protectively. - It's not a dirty thing… it's not like that… we… - He took another breath before continuing. - We both love each other, father. I love Y/n. I always did.

There was no uncertainty in Aemond's voice, much less in his gaze. Everything about him emanated determination and strength, as he openly declared his love and tried to reassure Y/n through soft touches.

-We were going to tell the truth eventually. -He murmured, pulling Y/n even closer to him. - Father, I want to marry Y/n.

Alicent thought she was going to die when she heard those words. The pieces slowly fell into place in Alicent's head as she looked from the two of them to the white dress and that damn bear she had brought with her. The gifts he had brought for her from his trip, and without blinking she threw both into the fireplace, covering the room with the smell of burnt fabric.

-No! - Y/n screamed, running towards the fireplace, grabbing the poker in an attempt to pull what was left of the beautiful dress and the bear away from the fire, but it was too late. The flames had already consumed everything they touched.

Tears ran down her face uncontrollably as a horrible feeling of nausea made her stomach churn with bile rising in her throat. Aemond's arms wrapped around her, holding her in the midst of her broken sobs. His voice said something softly in an attempt to calm her, but she could barely hear him, too lost in the feeling of pain and fear. She could barely speak, mute with panic.

-You will only marry her over my dead body, Aemond! - She shouted, glaring at them both. - I will not let you disgrace your name and ours!

-I don't care about my name! I don't care about any of that! I will marry Y/n, whether you like it or not! - He shouted, standing up from his cousin's side and walking towards his parents in a rage, making the room fall into a deadly silence, only Y/n's sobs being heard.

-Hey, what's going on? Where's everybody? - Aegon's relaxed voice came down the hallway, muffled by the door, which soon opened and revealed him smiling. The smile slowly faded from his face when he saw Y/n with bloodshot eyes crying while Aemond had a look that made it seem like he was being slaughtered alive.

-Shit. - He muttered motionless in the doorway, making his mother's look of fury turn to him, with the realization that the oldest was already aware of these facts.

-Did you know about this? - Alicent shouted, making Aegon flinch under his mother's shrill voice, and under the burning slap she delivered to his left cheek. - You idiot!

-Where did I go wrong in creating you? - She scolded more than angrily, looking like she was about to explode with fury. - What did I do to deserve this?

-Alicent, the best thing now is to stay calm to resolve all this and…

-Not! - She interrupted Viserys strongly again. - Viserys, I will not tolerate this! I demand that something be done about this immediately!

-And what do you expect me to do? - He asked tiredly, looking from his wife to his children and niece. Aegon further away, watching everything with a glazed look, and Aemond and Y/n hugged each other, slightly trembling with scared eyes.

-I want her out of my house right now! Far away from my children! - The older woman looked even more angrily in direction where Y/n was next to Aemond.

-Wife Y/n is under our guardianship until she is 22 years old, we cannot simply send her away. - Viserys murmured thoughtfully. - Unless we send her to stay with her father in Pentos.

Y/n and Aemond's eyes widened simultaneously upon hearing that. Pentos was miles away, even by plane, it would take weeks for them to be able to see each other in person again, even if they were in hiding.

Alicent, on the other hand, scoffed at her husband's idea, putting her hands on her hips as she spoke.

-Sending her to stay in that den of perversion with that demon of a father will only make things worse! - Alicent and Viserys spoke as if the rest of them weren't in the room, as if they weren't deciding the future they had dreamed of and planned for without their consent.

-Then what do you suggest? - Viserys asked and Y/n and Aemond held their breath.

-I want her to spend some time in Old Town. - Alicent demanded firmly, staring at her husband. - The conservatory of the septas will help her regain her composure and dignity.

-What? No! - Y/n squealed in panic when she heard those words. - No, please, aunt, I don't want to go there! My whole life is here! - And unconsciously she looked at Aemond as she said those words, irritating Alicent even more.

-Viserys either you send her to Old Town until dawn or I leave this house! - She hissed in the direction of her husband, who seemed to be on the verge of a heart attack.

-Uncle… uncle, please. - She begged, crying and walking towards her uncle, taking his hands in hers as she always did when she wanted to ask him for something. - Please, don't let her do this to me… Please!

-Y/n, my dear, you know I love you, but I can't leave things this way. Maybe it would be good for both of you to take some time apart. You are still too young to make such important decisions that could change both of your lives forever. - He muttered in an exhausted voice, looking from Y/n to Aemond. - You are too young for all this. You shouldn't even be involved in this kind of relationship yet!

-Father, by the gods, don't do this! - Aemond finally came to his senses after the shock that his mother's words caused him, practically begging, while he felt a pain so strong that it was almost physical when he saw the desperation in Y/n's eyes. - By the Gods… I swear I won't touch her again… I swear. Please don’t do that.

-Aemond… - Viserys barely had time to finish and the younger had already interrupted him, his eyes wide with fear.

-It only happened once! - Aemond lied, his eyes shining with unshed tears, aware that neither his father, much less his mother, believed it. - It was only once! I… I promise it won't happen again, please let her stay.

-You're blatantly lying to me, Aemond! - Alicent screeched. - You've been lying for who knows how long! And it's all because of her influence!

-It's my fault! - He screamed in despair, his hands on his head. - It was me! I asked to sleep with her, it was all my idea, she was innocent until I started all this, I swear… she didn't even know what she was doing. I forced myself on her! - He hissed on the verge of tears. - Punish me, not her! Please, father!

-No! - Y/n screamed with a high-pitched voice in horror through tears upon hearing Aemond say those things and upon seeing Viserys' disappointed look in his direction.

-No, no, no! Uncle, that's not true! Stop saying things like that! - She held Aemond's face between her palms, looking at him in despair. - You can't say those things, Aemond!

-I can't let them do this to you. - He murmured, staring at her with teary eyes filled with pain.

-Not saying things like that about yourself. - She sobbed, bringing her hand to his face.

-That's enough! - Alicent shouted angrily. - There's no decision to be made, Y/n is going to Old Town! It's already decided!

There was no more waiting, no more warnings, Y/n couldn't even go to her own room to pack her bags. Even when the two begged for her to be taken to Pentos, Alicent would not accept, Y/n was only sent to Old Town in the early hours of that day, before dawn was complete. She didn't even go to the airport to avoid even more gossip, she left by helicopter from the mansion's gardens.

She and Aemond didn't want to let go of each other, and they had to call Criston, one of the security guards, to hold Aemond while Harold, the general head of security, took Y/n to the helicopter while she cried copiously, hugging herself, feeling her heart tearing more and more with each step she took further away from Aemond.

To Alicent's complete and utter disgust, Aemond broke free from Criston, ran to Y/n, and without even being embarrassed by that perversion in public, he pulled her into a kiss in the middle of the gardens.

Y/n, when she saw him running towards her, immediately let go of Harold to throw herself into Aemond's arms one last time, and return the most painful kiss the two had ever shared in their lives.

Tears of pure pain ran down their faces and the kiss tasted of sadness and salt. Their hearts were broken with pure, sharp pain, their trembling lips slowly parting as more tears flowed.

-I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. - He murmured with a voice full of pain, holding her tightly against him.

-It's not your fault, Aem. - She sniffled, her eyes bloodshot with tears, trying to contain her tears, but failing and feeling her emotions completely out of control.

-I love you. - Aemond declared, leaning his forehead against hers and closing his eyes as the tears fell, unable to bear looking at Y/n's eyes full of pain and tears staring back at him. - Forever.

-I love you too, Aem. - She replied amidst her sobs, almost brushing her trembling lips against his again, feeling that she had only not collapsed right there because his arms were holding her. - Forever.

-Viserys! - Alicent's shrill scream came from behind them and they were both forced to let go of each other, with Y/n being carried by Harold, bursting into tears towards the helicopter, while Criston held Aemond firmly by the shoulders to prevent him from running to her again.

Aemond's knees gradually weakened as Harold guided her towards the helicopter. When the aircraft finally took off, he barely felt it when he collapsed onto the lawn of the garden, while he watched Y/n disappear like just another dot in the immensity of stars in the sky.

The universe around him seemed to go silent at that moment, or maybe his ears had gone deaf. Aemond couldn't say which, the only thing he knew at that moment was that a part of him seemed to have died.

He didn't know if minutes or hours had passed when he felt someone's hands pulling him up, and when he looked back he found Aegon staring at him with eyes full of pity next to Criston who was staring at the ground.

-Come with me, brother. - Aegon pulled him firmly. - It's starting to rain.

Aemond didn’t want it. He never wanted to move again in his life, he wanted to stay there, motionless, until she returned to his arms. But he was so numb from the pain that he barely felt when Aegon and Criston practically dragged him into the mansion again.

Aemond felt shattered, his vision blurred, his lips trembling, he could barely see the path in front of him. His eyes only came back into focus when they passed through the upstairs hallway and he saw the door to Y/n's room open. Letting go of both of them at the same moment and entering furiously when he saw his mother removing all her things and placing them in boxes on the bed.

-What are you doing? - Aemond hissed in pure despair when he saw her tearing each of Y/n's drawings from the mural, crumpling them and throwing them away like trash.

-All this wicked story ends now! - Alicent screamed lividly, staring at him. - It's over! You'll never see her again! Not if I can prevent it.

-I don't care if days pass, weeks, months, fucking decades pass! - He yelled back with wild eyes. - I'll still love her!

-Don't ever say that word again! - Alicent hissed even more furiously than before, taking firm steps towards her son. - Never again, Aemond! Love is something sacred, something that comes from the seven! That's not love, it's a terrible sin!

-So I don't want to have anything sacred! - He shouted, walking around the room, feeling suffocated by Y/n's presence that emanated from every little thing in that place. - I just want to have her! That's the only thing I want!

-That's enough! - A slap stung Aemond's cheek at that same moment, making him look at his mother even more painfully. - This will all go in the trash! And you'll forget all about this story, Aemond!

-Father! - Aemond shouted, going towards Viserys, completely exasperated, his eyes bloodshot and his hands shaking, as soon as he saw him stop at the bedroom door. - You can't let her do that!

-Aemond… - He began, being interrupted by his son's uncontrolled voice.

-These are Y/n's things. Her things! – Aemond practically screamed. - My mother can't just throw all this away, I won't allow it!

-Cole, take my son to his room. - Viserys asked the security guard very seriously, making Aemond even angrier.

-Could you listen to me at least once in your life, father? - He shouted furiously, walking in the opposite direction, feeling his heart ache when he saw the lilac dress that Y/n liked so much thrown on the floor, completely crumpled.

-I'm begging you… - He looked away from the lilac fabric to his father, his eyes shining with sadness and tears. - Please.. don't do that to her things.

-Alicent… - Viserys looked very seriously at his wife, feeling his son's anguish in the midst of all that. - That's enough for today, leave Y/n's things where they are.

-Viserys… - Alicent looked at him in denial.

-At least for now. - He muttered. - It's happened enough for today, look at the state the boy is in!

Aemond's eyes ran around the room until they landed on something very specific thrown carelessly on the bed. The notebook. The notebook with the drawing of the house. Aemond couldn't lose it. And while his mother wasn't looking too distracted arguing with Viserys, he quickly opened it and tore out the page with the drawing of the future of the two together, tucking it into the waistband of his pants anyhow. With pain in his heart he had to leave the rest behind, but at least the most important of all was safe.

-No one is going to touch Y/n's things for now! - Viserys gave the final word seriously, then grumbled in Aemond's direction, nodding his head towards the door. - Now go to your room, Aemond.

Still feeling torn apart, Aemond took a deep breath with at least a small drop of temporary relief. Aegon and Criston were still at the door, watching everything, but Aemond didn't stop. He just walked past them and went towards his own room next door, slamming it hard behind him, feeling almost collapse when he found the scene of his worst nightmare once again before his eyes.

The sun was shining through the window, but Aemond didn't even feel able to feel its heat. Nothing seemed to be able to warm him from the cold that had contaminated his soul that night. He didn't know how long he had been sitting on the floor when he reached into his pants and pulled out the slightly crumpled paper and stared at it, feeling the pain ravage him once again when he saw the beautiful dream drawn there.

❦❦❦

The days passed and Aemond felt more and more overcome by pain. It was as if someone had come and, without warning, cut his body in half and dragged one of the parts away. He barely ate, and refused to leave the room for anything. Also refusing to let them take the sheets off the bed, the smell of her perfume was still ingrained in them and it seemed to be the only thing capable of making him sleep even for a few minutes, just to dream about Y/n and wake up feeling still worse.

-Aemond I asked them to make potato rosti for dinner. - Aegon murmured near the bed, looking at him with a frown. - Eat some, it's your favorite.

-I don't want it. - He murmured without even looking in his brother's direction. Just the thought of food made his stomach turn, memories of Y/n laughing while eating, always saying that she needed even more cheese no matter how much she already had, made him want to never eat that again in his life.

Two days later, Helaena appeared in his room, sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking Aemond's hair like she used to do when he was a little boy. For the first time, he looked away from the ceiling and looked someone in the eyes after that night.

-Hi, little brother. - She smiled melancholy, still gently stroking his greasy, messy hair.

-What are you doing here? - Aemond murmured very quietly, his eyes dull and lifeless. - You should be in Dorne.

-Aegon called me, told me what happened. - She sighed, slightly pressing her eyes as she spoke. - He's worried about you, Daeron is too. You need to eat, Aemond. Aegon said you haven't eaten anything for a week.

-I don't want to. - He murmured, moving away from Helaena and returning to the corner of the bed where he always stayed. - I just want them to bring Y/n back home. That's not fair to her.

His eyes were once again lost and unfocused, staring into space while he pressed his nails firmly against his palms, leaving red half-moon-shaped marks on his hands, almost tearing the thin skin.

-Helaena, please… ask them to send me away, anywhere. - Aemond begged without looking at his sister, a tear running down the side of his face to his neck. - I swear I'll go without complaining! I'll even go to Winterfell if our mother wants. But take Y/n away from that place, they can't leave her there alone.

Helaena's heart broke when she saw her sweet brother destroyed like that. And even worse in a way that she couldn't help him. There was no cure for what Aemond was feeling, she couldn't sit there and say that the pain would go away when she could see in his broken eyes that it wouldn't.

-What if she's not eating right? - He sighed melancholy with a trembling voice. - What if she gets anemia like she did when we were children?

The older sister frowned at the irony in that, he was so worried about Y/n's health when he himself was slowly wasting away on that bed.

❦❦❦

-I want to go home! - Y/n shouted to the septa through tears.

-This is your home now, child. The sooner you accept that, the better.

-Call my dad! - She pleaded. - Ask him to come get me!

-Nobody come get you Targaryen! - The woman scolded with a very serious look. - Now eat.

-I'm not hungry. - She muttered, climbing onto the bed without looking at the woman.

-You look at me while I'm talking to you girl! And now eat at once.

Y/n's eyes burned and in pure anger, with a mix of uncontrolled feelings, she threw the plate against the door with all the strength she could muster.

-I don't want to! - She shouted, turning around furiously and facing the woman, feeling a metallic taste in his mouth immediately after the firm slap he received on the cheek.

-If you don't want to eat, then that's fine with me! - The septa glared at her. - No food for a week!

-Screw you! - She shouted back as she heard the door slam behind the older woman.

The days passed and Y/n felt weaker and weaker. She didn't eat, she barely drank water, she just sat on the single bed in the room, staring at the wall with a specific focus on a blurry stain that had probably been made with a blue ink pen. Her stomach churned and the little she ate didn't seem to want to stay inside.

She cried herself to sleep every night, overcome by sadness, and in her dreams Aemond haunted her with his beautiful smile, his gentle touches and his sweet words. Only for her to feel even worse when she woke up the next day, still locked in that place, miles away from him.

The paleness on her face was so visible after a few days that the septa insisted that she eat again, but without success. Her lips, which were once red and lush, were now white and cracked, and this, combined with her dull and lifeless eyes, left her with a ghostly appearance lying motionless on the bed.

A few more days passed and the septa dragged Y/n screaming into the shower, forcing her to take a bath. Y/n only stopped screaming when halfway there she was overcome by such strong dizziness that she almost collapsed on the floor, holding on tightly to the walls to keep from falling.

-You're going straight to the infirmary! - The septa, whose name Y/n hadn't even made a point of memorizing, spoke very seriously, looking at her with wide eyes. - You're clearly anemic because of all this stubbornness.

-I am fine. - She mumbled sleepily, still holding on to the wall. - There's nothing wrong with me, you're not going to take me anywhere.

Feeling a little better after the bath, Y/n lay down on the bed, tightly hugging Aemond's shirt, the only thing she had left of him besides the necklace around his neck. His scent was still there, and she prayed every night that it would never go away, because she would die if she lost that only touch she had left of his love.

❦❦❦

The night was cold and rainy in Kings Landing, the angry water lashed against the windows with such force that it made them seem like small stones, the wind blew furiously against the trees making it seem like it would destroy everything in its path.

Maybe that was why Aemond had finally slept that night after Helaena practically shoved a cup of tea down his throat. The world around him seemed to be just as furious and destructive as he was.

The sleep did not last long, as a few hours later Aemond woke up with sweat running down his body, panting and barely able to breathe as he felt the bile rising in his throat, burning everything in its path. He spent a few moments just standing there on the bed trying to breathe again with his eyes glassy, fearing that if he closed them the horrible vision of his dream would become even more vivid.

He could still see before his eyes, as clearly as the lightning that shone through the windows in the darkness. Y/n alone in a dark room, so thin that her shoulder bones were visible, her sunken eyes full of dark circles, her body curled up as she trembled, screamed and cried tears of bright red blood. The moment she screamed his name, as if asking for help, he woke up.

Goosebumps ran across his skin, and an inexplicable pain took over his entire being to the point that Aemond felt that his bones were painful. He didn't even stop to think for another second, he just got up in bed, still trembling and barely able to stand, heading towards Helaena's room in despair.

He didn't knock on the door, he didn't announce himself, he just staggered inside with glazed eyes.

-Aemond, what's wrong? - Came the soft and worried voice of the older sister, who stood up at the same time and ran to support him.

-Helaena, please. - Aemond looked into his older sister's eyes in despair. - I'm begging you… for a way to talk to someone in that place to know if Y/n is okay. Please, sister.

Seeing the look on the younger's face, totally scared and almost lost in the midst of panic, Helaena couldn't deny it. The day had barely dawned when she called the conservatory in Old Town pretending to be Y/n's stepmother, Laena, and asking about her well-being.

The answer that came from the phone it was simple, but it didn't bring peace to Aemond, who seemed on the verge of a breakdown.

"Your stepdaughter has a very difficult temperament, but she is being treated in the best possible way and is in excellent health."

-There's something wrong, I can feel it, Helaena. - Aemond murmured, his eyes wide and his jaw clenched as he spoke, while watching through the window the torrential rain that continued to fall on the capital.

Helaena just serrated her lips, staring at the youngest, the woman's strange tone didn't convince her at all and she was always excellent at judging people's character. But she would never say that to Aemond, her poor brother shouldn't have this incentive to fall into madness anymore, not after a whole month in that cycle of endless pain that he found himself in.

❦❦❦

The next morning seemed cold, dull and for some reason completely lifeless. The rain had stopped and there wasn't even a breeze outside, the trees were completely stagnant, not even the leaves seemed to be falling. Aemond lay still on the bed, thinking of a thousand ways to do something to see Y/n and snorting slightly when he heard the creak of the door, trying to guess which of his brothers would be there now.

-Hi big bro. - Daeron spoke in a melancholic voice without getting any answers from the older man, who just blinked his eyes, still looking in the same direction.

-Mom and dad had to go out, and I took this from mom's things without her seeing. - Daeron raised his hand in front of Aemond, and his eyes instantly focused on the small key with colorful crystal charms. The key to Y/n's room.

-How did you get this? - He smiled for the first time in days, taking the key from Daeron's hands and sitting up at the same time. Aemond thought about jumping from the balcony of his own room to Y/n's balcony, as he had done hundreds of times before when he slept in Y/n's room and left the next morning, but it would be useless with the window locked.

-Mom wouldn't suspect me, so I picked it up for you. - He shrugged, happy to see the eldest getting up. - I need to put it back when she comes back, so be quick. Hel and Aegon won't be able to keep her out for long.

Aemond walked to the door next to his with trembling hands, barely able to put the keys in the lock. Daeron gave him privacy by standing in the hallway, according to him, keeping watch.

The older man closed the door carefully so as not to make any noise, slowly turning back and feeling his heart burn when he saw Y/n's things thrown out of place again. Every little detail she had put into her room over the years, messed up. He almost froze, not knowing exactly what to do at that moment.

After a few moments of breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself, Aemond began to gather his favorite drawings that Y/n had already made. With his hands even more trembling, he bent down and took out the drawer of the dressing table, where he knew she kept the photos that the two of them had taken together.

Tears rolled down his face when he touched them and the first one was a photo of the two of them smiling and exchanging a kiss lying on the attic carpet. He couldn't take everything, but at least he would keep this safe with him. No one would destroy his memories with Y/n.

When he was about to leave the room he saw him there, alone lying on the floor at the foot of the bed among some clothes. Mr. Bunny, the worn-out plush toy that Y/n had grown fond of while the two of them were playing house. Feeling a tear roll down his cheek Aemond picked him up from the floor, realizing that her scent was still ingrained in him and almost losing his breath and suffocating in pain with the memories that came to him at that moment. He could almost hear Y/n's laughter as she rocked the little bunny in her arms, pretending he was her son, and a feeling of irreparable loss crossed his heart, almost leaving him breathless.

He didn't dare leave any of those things in his room at the mansion. While Daeron went to put the keys back in their place, Aemond went down to the garage and carefully put everything in the trunk of the car, where no one would suspect, where no one would mess with it, locking it right after.

-Thank you. - Aemond muttered looking at the floor when he found Daeron sitting on the counter in the living room.

-We're brothers. - He shrugged, looking at him with a sad side smile. - We look after each other, isn't that what you always say?

-Yes, we are. - A wave of renewed guilt took over Aemond at that exact moment. Aegon, Helaena, and Daeron were taking care of him, but he wasn't taking care of his brothers.

It wasn’t fair that Helaena was missing an entire month of classes to bring him tea in bed every night and make sure he had eaten. It wasn’t fair that Aegon had to skip spending time with Jaehaerys and go over there every day to drag him to the bathroom and make him bathe and shave. It wasn’t fair that Daeron was with deep dark circles under his eyes at such a young age from sitting in an armchair in his room all night monitoring him.

Life wasn't being fair to him, but he wasn't being fair to his brothers by making them go through all this just because he was in pain. His gaze crossed the huge mirror on the counter in which Daeron stood perched, and for the first time in weeks he noticed how bad he looked, how much more dead than alive he looked. And in contrast to that the look of concern the youngest directed at him made his lungs constrict without oxygen.

-When Helaena and Aegon arrive, tell them I want to talk, ok? - He sighed with a tired voice, looking away, no longer able to look at the youngest and then heading up the stairs.

❦❦❦

Aemond felt like hours had passed when finally the bedroom door opened and his brothers entered with visible concern in their eyes. It was then that he noticed how tired Helaena looked and how Aegon, always calm, looked tense as he stared at him as if he were a bomb ready to explode.

-Helaena, you need to go back to college. - He sat straighter in the chair as he spoke while trying to keep his voice steady after so many days of speaking only what was necessary, feeling his throat scratching with each word.

-I thought about this a lot today, you are all exhausted and it is my fault! - He murmured, staring at them intently. - I didn't want things to be like this, you don't deserve them to be like this.

-Aemond, none of us are going anywhere. You need us! - Helaena bowed her head to the side in worry.

-I'll be fine, sister. I swear to you that I already feel better. - He lied, looking down at the floor.

-You are not well and I can feel it! - The oldest shook her head, approaching the bed. - I see how you look every time our mother comes here to talk to you. Why do you think I'm here, Aemond? I won't leave you alone!

Helaena held his hands tightly between hers.

-You need me, you need us by your side. - She nodded to Daeron and Aegon who were further back, equally worried.

-If I leave here, will you go back to Dorne? - He asked reluctantly. - It's not fair, Helaena, it only makes me feel worse.

-And where are you going? - She questioned with a raised eyebrow.

-You can stay in the apartment you bought a few months ago. - Aegon suggested with a shrug. - It's below mine, you won't have any problems with the change and you can see Jaehaerys whenever you want.

The mere mention of the apartment almost made him break down, Y/n hadn't even gotten to see the apartment, and he was going to surprise her on the day of the prom. Maybe it was better this way, he would never be able to enter it if she had already been there.

-That's it… - He murmured, barely looking at Helaena so she wouldn't see the tears welling up in his eyes at that mere thought. - But please, sister, go back to Dorne. It will bring me more joy than anything else right now.

-Will you go back to college? - She looked at him melancholy, sweetly stroking his hair that was washed, but dry and unkempt.

-No, I… I can't do that right now. - He sighed. - But I will eat, bathe and sleep from time to time. - He rolled his eyes, not really planning to do any of those things, but Helaena didn't need to know that.

-I'll keep an eye on him. - Aegon murmured to Helaena as the two walked away from him along with Daeron, and Aemond rolled his eyes at them treating him like a three-year-old child. After much reluctance and discussion, Helaena finally agreed to return to Dorne five days later.

But a week after the oldest's departure, Aemond still hadn't moved. Every day Daeron and Aegon talked about it with him, and every day he avoided leaving his room as always. Feeling like he didn't have the energy to get up from that bed, barely able to breathe at the thought of leaving the house, leaving the memories, that even darkened by all the pain of the last few weeks, he had there with Y/n.

Thoughts gnawed at Aemond's mind as he hugged the faded blue scarf that Y/n had used to cover the floor dozens of times while they had a picnic. Sometimes he thought that if he stayed quiet enough he could hear her voice echoing through the room, and sometimes he thought he was going crazy because of it.

The sound of the door opening woke him from his thoughts and he quickly put the scarf under his pillow.

-Not today, Aegon… we can talk about this tomorrow. - He muttered without even looking at the door.

-It's not Aegon. - Alicent's voice sounded through the room, making him sit up straight on the bed when he saw her. His mother came every day, but only at night; it was still too early for her to be there.

-I'm worried, Aemond. - She sighed, slowly approaching the bed. - Are you thinking of dropping out of college for such a vile reason?

-I have no desire to continue. - He practically whispered, looking in another direction. - There's no point in continuing.

-Aemond, do you realize what you're saying? - Alicent raised her tone an octave as she spoke.

- Do you think this kind of reaction is healthy? This is all a mistake, she contaminated you with her and her father's dirt, but I have the solution. - She spoke quickly, barely giving Aemond a chance to reply.

-You're going to talk to the septon. I've already talked to him, explained the whole situation, he'll help you resolve all of this and put your mind in the right place. - She smiled, holding his hand, but Aemond pulled it away at the same time, his eyes wide.

-I'm not going to any septon! - He glared at her angrily. - My mind is in perfect condition, but yours isn't if you think this will change the way I feel about her!

-Aemond, I've already heard all this and I'm already tired of all this nonsense! - The eldest stood up impatiently with her hands on her hips.

-But I decided to be kind to you and give you some encouragement… - She looked at him in a strange way that made Aemond feel like a small beetle under a magnifying glass.

-If you go back to college and consider talking to the septon, I might consider letting her return to Kings Landing. - Alicent murmured very seriously and Aemond looked back at her, suddenly very interested.

-Are you serious about this? - He asked, standing up and walking towards his mother apprehensively, almost getting lost in the middle of the words.

-Very serious. - Alicent looked him in the eyes and lied. - If you do that, I might think about letting her come back, obviously you'll be away from each other, but she might come back.

Aemond's heart burned in his chest at that idea, he would never consider talking to a septon, as if what he and Y/n had was something wrong and dirty. And the mere idea of going back to college among all those people made him sick, but if that could maybe make his mother let her go back, even if he couldn't get close to her, that's what he would do.

❦❦❦

Shortly after that day, Aemond returned to college, barely looking at anyone who spoke to him. And fulfilling his mother's demands, he began to go to the septon every week to have a conversation, where the man would talk for hours about the problem of the sinful act he had been involved in and how much it was repudiated by the seven.

Aemond would leave the sept with his head throbbing with pain and feeling almost zombified every time, barely able to hear the thoughts in his own mind while waves of repulsion ran through his body, almost making him vomit.

After all that, he really left the mansion, taking all his belongings with him this time, since there was no longer any reason to return there periodically, and moved to the apartment below Aegon's, not wanting to be near the college campus and the gossip that was whispered there.

Aemond didn't paint the walls, he didn't put up any pictures, he didn't even choose the furniture. He just asked a decorator to leave the place clean and habitable. It didn't seem right to do it without Y/n, it wouldn't be fun to do it without her. The apartment was how Aemond felt without Y/n, cold and lifeless, without any color to cheer him up. The only thing there that he had chosen was the wooden chest in the corner of the living room, where he kept the memories he had managed to save of Y/n.

Some days in the self-imposed solitude of his apartment, he would find himself talking to Y/n in his mind, almost as if she could hear his voice. Often whispering words he used to whisper in her ears only to himself, the words sounding like an empty echo through the gray and icy walls of the apartment. And almost always as he said them, the Septon's voice echoed in the back of his mind, in a deadly whisper of sinner.

As time passed, the hope that the two would be together again died inside Aemond, giving way to anger and bitterness. And even though he was without hope, he could never give up the things stored in the chest in the living room, he could never stop sitting on the floor and admiring her beauty and sweetness through the photos while he was bathed in the moonlight and the splendor of the hills of Visenya.

Opening that chest was like digging his nails into an open wound, but Aemond could not stop doing it. Deep in his heart there was that spark of hope that one day they would be able to be together, that they would fulfill all their promises, that they would be happy forever together.

Maybe what they said was true, maybe the absence made his heart grow even fonder, because he didn't notice his love for Y/n diminishing as the years passed, it only grew and the desire to be with her grew every day, as did the guilt for such desires.

The voices of his mother and the Septon constantly echoed in his head, telling him how wrong those feelings were, how much the seven would disapprove of a union between cousins.

But even with such thoughts screaming in his mind, Aemond knew well that he would not be strong enough, he knew well that if he laid eyes on Y/n one more time he would not hesitate to jump over the same cliff again, even if he destroyed himself in the process.

tag list: @afro-hispwriter @fan-goddess @strangersunghoon @zenka69 @callsignwidow @amanda08319 @alesswift-blog @marialikescherries @palomavz

Final notes: It was extremely difficult to write this chapter because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to properly capture the characters' feelings in writing. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, I still can't believe I managed to translate all of this in one day, I'm happy!!! In the next one we'll return to the present time. 💖💖💖

*Shania song is the song they dancing in Corlys Birthday. 😭🥺

💖 Leave comments 💖

[thyras]

→ nightmares - one

PAIRING → halbrand | annatar (sauron) x f!oc!sabina

WORD COUNT → 2k words

WARNINGS → no warnings for this part

SUMMARY → the dark lord has met his match in mind, body, and soul in a witch with even greater powers than he. though she holds a secret, one that will alter the course of his grand plan for middle-earth.

AUTHORS NOTE → i hatched this deranged idea when i was talking to my husband about some lore stuff and it got me thinking about how close sabina (an oc of mine) is with sauron. this will be extremely dark as her story is tragic asf (even in this universe), it is very similar to those of the elves corrupted by morgoth so please please do not read if you are sensitive to certain dark themes. this series was inspired by nightmares - skyfall beats.

" i can save you from your nightmares, give me a little love "

SERIES MASTERLIST → NEXT PART

The sound of clopping hooves up the cobblestone road caused Halbrand to turn his head. A large coal-black horse came cantering through the streets. He raised a brow when he saw the fair beauty astride the beast. Her burgundy, gold, and black robes were unfamiliar to him. Some new nation that had sprung up in his centuries away?

He could feel the magnetic pull of her dark being as she came closer. She held the dark threads of any touched by Morgoth's hands. Her aura was as black as the horse she was riding. How the beast did not throw her was beyond him. When presented with such power, many animals feared the beings unless subdued by magic.

Which she had clearly done.

Her white hair was braided down her back and flopped with each movement of her horse, as did her robes. She slowed her horse and smiled at the Commander, who stepped aside for her as she walked the horse through. She lightly turned in the saddle as she shared a light conversation with the Commander. Her skin was paler than moonlight and looked as soft as silk. She was no elf. But a human woman. In his dark eyes, she put every elven maiden to shame.

Halbrand could only help but bow slightly to her as she strode past him. As she passed, he could see a beautiful golden hairpiece wedged into her hair. The golden serpents twisted and twined through her braid as their ruby eyes sparkled in the afternoon sun. “Royalty?” He thought, but what royalty had such a darkness to it? What nation held more power than he did?

None.

Her eyes turned back to him, and he felt his mortal heart thump in his chest against those crystal blue eyes set into the softly serene face of a goddess. A flirtatious smile found her lips before she inclined her head to him and stopped before the woman who had greeted him earlier as a female guard walked up to take her horse.

The woman dismounted and took her gloves off, reaching to kiss her stead on the muzzle as the guard took it across the yard. She greeted and embraced the elf before trodding off into the forge he sought entrance into.

"Who is she?" Halbrand asked the guard standing near him. He turned back to Halbrand.

"That is Lady Sabina of Enedwaith; she is a friend of his Lordship, " the guard said. Halbrand raised a brow at the thought. Enedwaith was a mostly uncontrolled territory, with only small settlements of men and no king or ruler. Surely, she held no power there to be a Lady among nothingness.

"Does she frequent often?" Halbrand asked curiously. The guard turned back around and refused to answer his question. He watched as the white-haired beauty disappeared into the building. A smile peaked on his lips as he moved to stand by his horse again.

Halbrand felt her power lingering deep inside her, a sickly sweet taste of the darkness creeping across her threads and back to him. There was no way she did not know if a being as powerful as her came across one such as him. Every inch of her body would have known.

And that was not ideal.

"Sabina," Celebrimbor said with a smile as he moved to embrace her. Sabina hugged the man gently. "I am so happy my letters reached his Lordship so fast,"

"He sent me with great urgency," Sabina said, moving to unclasp her cloak and lay it across her arm before following Celebrimbor up to his study as the smiths moved about. Mirdania returned to her duties as Sabina moved to sit in one of the open chairs amongst the great library that he had here. Each time she came, she always marveled at how beautiful it looked. Elven architecture was something to behold, just as the old Numenorean coastal estate she resided in with Olavi was. "You are requesting more ores and gemstones?"

"Yes," Celebrimbor said, grabbing two glasses and a bottle of wine before opening them. “I have seemingly lost a steady stream of ores to craft with." He handed her a full glass. She sipped at the tart liquid.

"Is there anything particular you are looking for?" she asked, leaning back in the chair as her manicured nails tapped against the glass.

"Gold and Silver from Valinor," Sabina nearly choked on her wine before moving to set the glass on the table. Celebrimbor moved towards her in alarm, but she waved him off.

"I apologize, my lord, but should you not be looking amongst your people for that?" She said after regaining her breath. Celebrimbor looked at her and moved to sit down across from her.

"I cannot. I have been asked to stop producing from this forge but have never been so inspired. I wish to create more." Sabina raised a brow at him. A light darkness was on the man's mind—one she had never seen before. Sure, her thinly veiled weavings were there, but this was new.

Her mind turned back to the man standing at the gate. She had smelt him from a league away. He was him. The being Olavi had sworn to overthrow and take his place as the next rightful Dark Lord.

He was weaker than she suspected, nothing like her master had said he would be like, but that's what centuries of decay had probably done to him when Adar had subdued him. But she was of greater power than he, so his manipulation and mind games would not work on her. So her mind was her own, along with the secrets it held.

The cruel irony that he had returned as a man was a little laughable to her. Surely, a being as mighty as him would choose a better casing.

She leaned forward and reached across the table to grab his hand. He flinched when she did so. "Is everything okay, my lord?"

"Yes, why on earth would it not?" Sabina rubbed her thumb across the top of his, trying to soothe the older man. But his eyes were full of unease and unrest.

"Because you are asking me for something my Lord may not be able to get, and you are unusually jumpy." It was his turn to raise a brow at her.

"I am sound of mind, my lady," Sabina nodded.

"I will see what I can do, but as payment, tell me who that man is out there?" Celebrimbor softly smiled.

"A man of no consequence." Sabina moved to retake her glass, sipping on the liquid. "He shall surely leave soon."

"He does not seem like a man of no consequence to be standing at your gate with a hunger in his eyes."

"A hunger?" Celebrimbor scoffed with an amused smile. “You have truly lived in the wilderness too long, my dear friend.” Sabina shrugged and set her glass down before sitting up to speak.

"All beings seek purpose, and this one seeks you for a purpose. Why is that?" Sabina leaned her elbows onto the table. She knew Celebrimbor was not motivated by her looks or how she fluttered her eyelashes. He did not seek the comfort of a woman. So she had learned over the years to bloat his ego and praise him for his efforts, fill his mind with praises, and seed his loyalty to her master.

Celebrimbor sighed and finally answered her question. “His name is Halbrand. He was here with Lady Galadriel recently but disappeared before he could help me—” He stopped suddenly, and Sabina raised a brow.

“Help you with what?” she asked, intrigued now. If he was who she thought he was, she needed to return to her master as quickly as possible with this revelation.

“I’ve already said too much, but Lady Galadriel asked me to promise her not to treat with him again, so I dare not.” Sabina nodded with a smile. “It has been good to see your face, my dear. I have greatly missed our riveting conversations.”

“As have I,”

“It is rare for him to let you out of that estate. How on earth did you manage to come alone?” Sabina snorted and looked back down at her glass; Celebrimbor moved to touch her hand softly. “Tell me after you have settled in, I shall prepare a room for you.” Sabina smiled weakly.

“I would love to, but he wishes me to return in a day's time.”

“Nonsense. I will send correspondence with you telling him our dealings went longer. Please stay; it is always a pleasure, and I think Mirdania would also enjoy the company.” Sabina nodded. 

“Only for tonight; I must leave in the morning.”

Sabina moved out of the forge, slipping her gloves on. She needed to get back to her master and tell him her news, but she did not want to alarm anyone after saying she was staying for the night. So she would ride out and find the lone rider sent to follow her, no doubt, and relay the message to them. But as she walked over to where her stallion, Filo, stood, she felt his gaze on her. The shadowy gaze she was so familiar with followed her; only this one was more frigid than her masters.

“Leaving so soon?” his voice called as Sabina reached for Filo's reins. She did not acknowledge his existence until he moved over to her and tried to take hold of the stallion’s headstall, but Filo snorted and pinned his ears back, pawing at the cobblestone in a challenge at the man.

“If you wish to keep your head on your shoulders, you will not touch him,” Sabina said with fury in her icy gaze as she moved Filo away; he stepped back with his hands raised and merely flashed her a smile. “He hates men,” Especially men with your aura. She thought mildly. A smile touched her lips at the memory of Olavi trying to get anywhere near the stallion when he was first gifted to him. Filo had taken to Sabina when Olavi had gifted him to her and protected her with a ferocity that rivaled a hound's protection of his flock. So his reaction to this man was anything but unordinary.

“Well, it would seem your horse is as opinionated as you,” Sabina raised a brow at him as she threw her reins over Filo’s neck, gathered them up, and mounted the horse in a flurry of red and black silk.

“I hardly think a three-second conversation tells you anything about me,” She hissed before pushing her skirts out of her saddle so she could sit up properly. A dark smile flashed across his lips as he moved just a hair closer to Filo again. The stallion's ears pinned back, and he swished his tail in warning. 

Halbrand spoke words in the foul language that only beings of Morgoth’s realm would know. It was also the language she used with Filo. To Sabina’s amazement, Filo dipped his head to the man in obedience, and Sabina swallowed hard as Halbrand ran his hand up the stallion's face, pushing his forelock out of the way. Those dark eyes were watching her intently. 

“A strange language to use,” Halbrand moved his hand up the stallion's neck, running his fingers through his black mane. “A language others never dare to utter,”

“You know nothing of who I am,” He chuckled and patted the stallion’s neck softly before moving away from them.

Oh, but I do. The Black Speech words floated across her mind. She glared at him and leaned forward in her saddle, exposing the blade strapped to her saddle. The hilt’s grip was fashioned of black leather engraved with a design, while the butt of the blade was adorned with a shining ruby encased by twining serpents that flickered in the sun.

“You have hardly the power to deal with me, so keep your tongue in your mouth and leave me be.” She snarled at him before turning Filo to the gatehouse and kicking him on. Sabina turned back to see Halbrand watching her with a slight smile on his lips. The look was so dark that she could have felt her heart flutter in response to it.

For he was a deceiver.

And she was the greatest prize of them all.

Even if he did not know that yet.

[chiorisgf]

❕ nsfw sethos x f!reader

summary : sethos “poisoning” his rival but accidentally giving her an aphrodisiac.. ( idea creds : @writing-genshin-obsession )

“sethos.” you’d smile bitterly at the man, watching him sit down on the barstool beside you for.. whatever reason. on the outside, he was friendly and sociable; ready to help out whoever asked.

but you knew what he was really like.. a conniving, evil, selfish, and arrogant man whom you’ve grown to despise.

that look in his bright green eyes that he gives you the moment you catch his gaze could almost be terrifying, but you know better than to cower away and bow down to the likes of him.

when he turns to the side and smiles at you — as if you were just another woman in the bar, you had to admit it was a surprise. not a very good one, but a surprise nonetheless.

“name, hello.” he’d smile brightly at you, keeping that stupidly sweet facade. “want a drink?” he asks, giving you a closed eye smile as his slender hand slides a glass towards you.

you grimace, staring down at the drink in front of you. it didn’t seem disgusting, or altered… the colour was bright and beautiful, and if you had to guess it was sunsettia flavoured. not bad.

“hm, alright.” you mutter, eyeing him suspiciously before holding the glass up to your pretty lips and taking a small sip. your eyebrows shoot up for a moment, it tasted good — really good!

you take another sip, a content smile finding it’s way onto your features. while you hated sethos more than anything — this was quite nice of him.

but why was he staring at you with that bewildered expression on his face?

“what is it?” you stare back at him, tilting your head to the side as the same hand he used to give you the drink snatches it right back.

he frowns down at the drink, and you can barley make sense of the situation before he drinks the rest of the liquid you left behind.

your eyes are wide as he stares back at you, and you can’t help but feel yourself growing hot. the sounds of people laughing and chattering drunkenly in the bar seem to fade out as he holds eye contact with you.

no no no, this can’t be — you think, a fire being lit in your lower abdomen as he inches closer. are you really aroused by him? no way!

but, when his lips find yours, you find it hard to resist. his hand finds it’s way onto your cheek, the other on your waist as he claims your lips with his own in a hot kiss.

as he pulls away, you notice his bright eyes have darkened a little, his breath growing heavier as his hand squeezes slightly at the flesh of your hip. “i- must’ve given you the wrong drug.” he grits his teeth, before leaning in once again and kissing you.

“excuse me?” you huff as his lips part from yours, your eyebrows furrowing. “what even is this—? get off me.” you turn your head away from sethos, an annoyed frown settling on your pretty features. what were you doing, kissing your rival — your enemy, of all people!

yes, that’s right, he’s your enemy. not to be trusted; so why is he so damn hot?!

“we’re not done here, name. i can tell you’re in.. the same predicament, as me.” he leans closer, his warm breath fanning against your neck. “it would be oh so mean of me to just leave you alone, wouldn’t it?” he purrs, his cat-like eyes glinting as he takes note of your state.

he’s onto something — you’re hot and you’re bothered, but it’s all his fault! you’ll have to get him back some time…

but for now, all you can think about is the way he places a hand on your lower back, leaving you out of the tavern.

in only a few minutes, he’s got you pinned to the wall of an alleyway, his lips on yours as his hands work on removing every piece of clothing you’re wearing.

his movements are desperate, needy, even — and the look in his eyes is just, so, so attractive. the voices of merchants and other civilians from sumeru are still heard as sethos’ slim fingers snake down between your thighs, tapping them gently.

you do nothing but part them obediently, looking at the man with a defiant look. what else are you supposed to look at him like? he’s your enemy — but it’s so hard to ignore the heat you feel around him suddenly. your vision is almost pink, and your e/c eyes roll into the back of your skull as the tip of his finger prods at your entrance. he pulls his hand up, stuffing his middle and ring finger past your lips and into your mouth.

“suck.” he says, a desperate undertone in his voice as he leans closer, smiling as you listen to his little command.

before you knew it, he was already pushing a finger into your little hole, his free hand patting gently at your hair. this side of him almost came as a surprise, but you had no time to comment on it as he inserted another finger.

with two of his fingers inside of you, you already felt so full — but you couldn’t help but yearn for more, your hands finding refuge in his shoulder as he pumped his fingers into you, each thrust pulling out a sweet, strained moan from your lips.

you were trying so hard to be quiet, you really were, but he’s just so good. he curled his fingers perfectly, hitting that spot that nobody could ever reach — not even your last boyfriend.

sethos knew that. sethos has always known you’ve been needing this — a good fuck, but he wishes it could’ve happened in a more.. romantic setting.

why did he have to fuck up?! did he really have to slip an aphrodisiac into your drink?

you could’ve been dead, if he wasn’t so careless.

but the way you’re moaning so quiet and breathlessly into his ear, he can’t feel regret. in fact, he doesn’t want to — you’re just so good, and he can’t wait to hear how you’ll sound when he impales you on his dick.

his cock is aching for you, it has been since he took a sip of that damn drink.

“s-sethos!” you whine, your voice growing higher in pitch as you squirm against him, your walks tightening around his fingers as he reaches even deeper, taking you to a higher you never even knew you could reach.

he swears he can see stars in your eyes as he leans in and presses a wet kiss to the soft skin beneath your ear. “go on,” he urges you, his hand trailing down your body to your waist. “cum, cum for me.”

it makes you so angry that he’s basically commanding you — acting as if he’s doing you a favour! but his voice was the last thing you needed before you came, another whine leaving your lips as his fingers thrust into you continuously, guiding you through your first orgasm of many.

you barley opened your eyes again when you felt the tip of his dick push slightly against your entrance, just how far was he willing to go ?!

edit: i wrote this before his release so sorry if he’s ooc

[dare-g]

waiting for a bit of glue to dry then my Halloween costume is done! really happy with how it has turned out idk if I'm going to have the patience to wait till Halloween to post like I told myself I would

[brittlebutch]

finding a character that grates against your nerves and eventually thinking, well, that's not fair, you haven't done anything; why do i dislike you? and then you dwell on this for a while and discover 'oh! you are like me when i was younger' and decide well, i'll simply learn how to love the both of you. power in this.

[milkweedman]

Bought a pair of pants at goodwill earlier but all the ones I've been to have had their changing rooms closed the whole pandemic so couldn't try them on... did pull out my measuring tape that's on my keys and they were pretty much my size, but I have discovered that while they would fit well if they had a normal waistband, they actually have a stretchy waistband (like, strip of elastic sewn the whole way around) and thus are so big that they're falling off me, because their own weight kind of pulls them down so that the cuffs drag on the ground. Unclear if they're intended to be high waisted and just too big or for someone bigger in all dimensions than I am, but not the point.

I've been trying to figure out how to fix this, bc they're very comfy. I kinda wish I could just take out the elastic and do a drawstring but there's 2 buttons and a zipper that would definitely complicate things. Could also wear a belt, if I had one and if they weren't the worst sensory experience since not wearing socks.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic 

[cartoonghosts]

I am so fucking fragile and soft rn like I feel like I might just break under the pressure of daily life. I always forget how okay I can be when I'm surrounded by people who make me feel safe and now I'm back and it's like. I don't like or trust anyone around me. I'm just scared all the time. I can't live like this. I don't know what to do and I'm not sure there's anything I can do other than be ready to tape myself back together when I break again.

[gojorgeous]

"creature of myth."

pairing: vampire!gojo x fem!human!reader summary: when you receive an offer of marriage from a mysterious wealthy lord, it’s too good a deal for your family to turn down. but nothing could be so perfect... right? content: MDNI (18+  ONLY), dark content, nsfw, gets dubcon/noncon in some spots, yandere behavior from gojo, implied death/k*lling of a character (not reader or gojo), arranged marriage, victorian au, plot that ends with porn lmao, spooky dooky vibes, blood, blood sucking/eating, praise, biting, unprotected sex, creampie, virgin!reader, discussion of virginity, cherry popping, pain, pet names (princess/love), reader is highkey clueless about sex, discussion of masturbation, ideas of masturbation as “sinful”, very minor religious themes, fated “mates”, gojo is highkey insane, coercion and manipulation, like SO much neck kissing, ooc gojo??? (had to alter his character to match a victorian vampire lord LMAO). a/n: PLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS. THERE IS DARK CONTENT AHEAD. is this a gojo fic or a twilight fic?? Going back to my roots fr fr. straight down to the “SAY IT, SAY IT”. this fic is also way too long my apologies bbs. i hope you like a hefty side of plot with your porn. parts of this fic feel way too cheesy to me but sometimes i eat that up, yk?? this fic was inspired by this amazing work by @rice5x ! and, finally, thank you all for the support on my most recent fics. i'm just getting back into being active on this blog and it's been amazing reading each and every comment/reblog/ask. they genuinely fill me with so much joy. keep them coming hehe. anyway, i hope you enjoy and remember, ALL AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED. credits: dividers by @cafekitsune. banner art by @ndsoda on twitter. wc: 11.6k (sowwy)

You remember perfectly the way your mother’s jaw dropped when Satoru Gojo proposed to you. You’d never seen the man, and you still hadn’t. He’d asked to marry you via messenger, a simple letter delivered by hand with a list of all the things he’d be willing to pay for your hand. Offers of money, land, protection, connection- anything so long as he got you. You’d thought it was a joke. Your father nearly took a shovel to the head of the poor messenger, thinking the letter was some kind of cruel prank, some sort of targeted disrespect. You’d only started to believe when you really looked- saw the Gojo crest embroidered on the man’s suit, the fine leather of his boots. If it was a prank, somebody had spent a great deal of money and effort to pull it off. 

You’d asked for proof nonetheless, and you’d gotten it. Documents signed and sealed with a well-known waxen crest, gifts that could only have been purchased by a wealthy lord. The one thing you never got was the lord himself. He refused to see you, to come down from his mysterious castle on the hill. It didn’t surprise you. He rarely deemed town worthy of his presence. He had a reputation as a recluse, as a man who only ever liked to see and never be seen. What little glimpses people got of him were usually through the dark window of his carriage. Still, his appearance preceded him. White hair, light eyes… “haunting” said those who had the luck to see him. Those who went to work for the lord tended to return… changed— if they returned at all. 

You accepted, of course. How could you not? You were a peasant family with no status or wealth to your name. The promises Lord Gojo had made would make your parents into aristocrats all on their own. But that left you wondering… why did he want you? You offered him no benefit. If anything, you sullied his bloodline. The question scratched at the back of your mind. It came to you while you ate breakfast, while you washed your clothes, while you weeded in the garden. Some part of you told you that you needed the answer before you ever stepped foot in that castle. You needed that answer, but you’d never get it. 

Your wedding wasn’t even a wedding- just a piece of paper that had already been signed and witnessed, once again delivered by a familiar messenger. You signed at your dining room table and… that was that. You were married. 

Later that night the carriages arrive. Men flood your home, all dressed in blue velvet, the Gojo crest embroidered on their chests. They seem puzzled when you tell them you’ve packed all your belongings into a measly three bags. 

You say a quick goodbye to your parents, drawing them into stiff embraces. You love them, and they love you, but you can’t bear to see their faces as they send you away to a man who couldn’t even show his face for your wedding. 

The carriage ride is somehow longer than you’d thought it would be- apparently, the castle’s size makes it seem deceptively close. The trip is rocky and twisty and altogether unpleasant as you steadily make your way toward the castle gates. By the time you reach them you think you’ve probably dozed in and out of consciousness at least half a dozen times. 

The castle is even more intimidating up close. Spires that swirl into the clouds, sculptures that stare, doors that look more suited to being locked than opened. It’s… terrifying. 

When you finally roll to a stop, you move for the door. When you swing it open you get your fair share of strange looks from your attendants and remember that you should have waited for the footman. Your face heats as you climb out anyway, unwilling to subject yourself to the further humiliation of waiting for assistance. 

Your feet hit gravel and all you can do is stare- up, up, up, to where the castle’s peaks disappear into the fog. When your eye flashes to a window on the east side of the manor you think you see a swaying curtain. You tuck your arms around yourself and shiver, but it’s not from the cold. 

You nearly stumble over your feet on your first step inside. The entrance hall is larger than your former house, with ceilings that stretch so high you can hardly make out the figures on the frescoes that adorn it. Silver and blue drape everywhere, the Gojo family colors. You swallow when you see a chair that is most definitely worth more than your family’s annual income. 

The floors are marble and when your worn heels clack against it, you only feel reminded that you don’t belong here. That question pricks in your mind again as you pass portraits of every Gojo heir to have lived in the last three hundred years. Why me? Why me? Why me? 

Your footman deposits you in your room, a place more lavish than you’ve ever seen. You have a four poster bed with a canopy of blue velvet, a window that overlooks a sprawling estate, and more square footage than you’ve ever dreamed of. 

“Pull this if you need any sort of assistance, ma’am.” 

You turn to see your footman referencing a silver cord at your bedside. You assume it’s one of those contraptions that rings a bell in the servants’ quarters. You try to hide your amazement- you’ve never seen one in real life before. 

You clear your throat and give your most ladylike nod. “Thank you, um-” you pause, your brow furrowing. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I asked your name.” 

Your footman appears stunned to silence, like he’d never expected you to care about his existence, much less his name. He recovers quickly, though, and forces a small smile. “Thomas, ma’am.”

You smile and it’s genuine. “Thank you, Thomas.”He bows and makes a beeline for the door, but you have one more question. “Oh, um, Thomas-” He freezes, turning slowly on his heel to face you. 

“Yes, my lady?” 

You cringe at the title. The sound of it creeps across your skin, foreign and… wrong. Why me? Why me? Why me?

You clear your throat again. “Do you know, um, well-” You shift, trying to word your question properly. “Do you know when I might see the Lord?” 

There is a pause, a moment of tension and silence, and then an answer. “No, my lady.”

Thomas does not stick around for more questioning. The door clicks shut behind him and then you're left with only the sound of retreating footsteps. 

You’re stunned to say the least, mouth still halfway open, more questions on the tip of your tongue. Should you seek him out? Was that proper? Would he come to you? Would he meet you for dinner, perhaps? Surely he would come to your room tonight to… consummate. Would that be the first time you lay eyes on him? When he’s over you? 

You sigh. There’s nothing much to be done about it now. You find your way to the bed and sit down hesitantly. It feels like a crime to rumple such primped and polished cotton. You do it anyway- it’s going to happen sometime, right? You fall back against the mattress and don’t fail to notice how utterly comfortable it is. The silvery patterns on your canopy swirl and bend together. You’re tired. You didn’t sleep much last night, anxious for the morning… and it’s only mid-afternoon now. You had time for a nap, right? Your eyes are closing before you can convince yourself it’s a bad idea and then you’re swept away into a world of warm darkness. 

You wake with a start. Your first thought is that it’s dark now. Your room is pitch black except for the stream of moonlight passing through your stupidly large window. Your mouth feels dry and your skin is cold, like you’ve just woken from a nightmare. If you have, you don’t remember it. Perhaps that’s a blessing. 

You sit up, combing a finger through your hair and laughing pitifully when you realize that you left your shoes on as you slept. You hope Thomas didn’t walk in to find you in yet another unladylike position. A glance at the foot of the bed reveals he might have. Your bags have arrived- all three of them. You eye them with a combination of longing and contempt. They don't match this place. They’re worn and used- everything here is shiny and new. Still, they’re all you have, and all you have left of your life before. All you have left of home. 

You stretch your arms above your head, nearly groaning at the burn in your muscles. The carriage ride did your body no favors and you suspect you’ll be sore for many days to come. 

You rise, no longer content to lie in bed. You’ve had your rest and, from the state of darkness outside, you suspect your new husband might be joining you soon. The thought twists a certain tightness into your gut, but you push it aside. If that was the price you paid for all he gave your family… then you’d pay it gladly. 

You start with candles, finding a box of matches at your bedside. You light every candelabra you can find. The room, the castle, seems so perpetually… black- like it soaks up every ray of light it touches. Even when you’ve finished it doesn’t feel like enough. You make a note to ask Thomas for more in the morning. 

You find a meal, carefully prepared and preserved, on a table near your dresser. Judging by the fact that it’s still warm, you conclude that it can’t be much past mid-evening. You originally intend to pick at the food as you unpack, but one bite has your mouth watering. It is the most delicious thing to ever touch your lips, complete with dessert waiting on the side. You clean your plate before moving onto your bags. 

You lay your clothes out on the bed. A few dresses, riding pants, undergarments, an assortment of ribbons and bows. At one time these items had been the finest things you owned- now you owned a castle. 

You find an armoire that looks like a master sculptor carved its edges and grab a dress, intending to hang it. Instead, your dress hits the floor when you part the doors to find the hangers already full. Your lips part. Luxury dresses of silk and satin line the rack, fading into some that appear more casual outfits of cotton and linen. You stretch a hand out, curious and utterly… amazed. To think your new husband had gone to all the effort… Your hand brushes purple silk and- 

“Do you like them?” 

You screech, jumping to face the voice at your back. It takes a moment for your eyes to find him, leaning casually against one post of your bed. Your breath is stolen for a second time. Snow white hair, piercingly blue eyes, pale soft skin… you know who he is even without looking at his dress, at the air of authority he claims. He’s your husband… and he is the most devastatingly beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. 

He laughs, then, and it’s a warmer sound than you’d thought it would be- rich and full. A sound that seeps into your bones and settles in your soul. 

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he says, but the twinkle in his eyes makes you think that perhaps that’s a lie. 

Your heart pounds and your eyes flash to the door. It’s shut. You didn’t hear it open, nor did you hear it close behind him. You also didn’t hear footsteps, didn’t hear breaths, didn’t hear him. 

He follows your gaze and laughs again, though it sounds a bit… strained? 

“I have a habit of being unintentionally lightfooted. I apologize.” 

Your heart is still pounding but you find it in yourself to have some decorum. You snap your jaw shut and bow your head slightly in respect. “You must be Lord Gojo. Forgive me for my insolence.” 

There’s a beat, and then footsteps– ones you actually hear this time. You clench your jaw when he stops before you and then nearly gasp when he takes your hand and brings it to his lips. 

“Satoru, please,” he winks and you think you might stop breathing. “I am your husband after all.” 

You force yourself to nod, to swallow, to act normal. But how can you in the presence of a man that looks like… that? There’s something too unreal about him, too perfect. It’s almost… unsettling. 

“Of course… Satoru.” 

He straightens and shows you a close-lipped smile that digs a dimple into his left cheek. You have to look away to avoid stumbling over your own feet. 

“So, do you like them?” Your brows furrow- “The dresses,” he clarifies. 

“O-oh.” Your features relax into an easy smile. You turn back to your armoire, running a hand along another gown. You don’t think you’ve ever touched something so… finely made. “I like them very much. I don’t know how to thank you.” 

There’s a little chuckle as you turn to face him again and you have to steel yourself before you meet his eyes. He’s mesmerizing, too mesmerizing. You think you could probably lose yourself in those eyes forever… 

“No need to thank me. If they don’t fit, we’ll call for the seamstress in the morning.” 

You nod softly, still lost to the situation. There’s a beat of silence in which your husband does nothing but… look at you. His eyes roam freely and the hair on your arms stands under his gaze. He traces the lines of your nose and jaw and lingers on your pulse. Can he see just how fast your heart is pounding?

“Did you… get dinner?” It’s a stupid question, you know, but you don’t think you can bear another second of that look he’s giving you. “I fell asleep and found a plate. I hope I didn’t prevent a proper meal…” You trail off. Perhaps you shouldn’t have pointed out your own shortcoming? 

He gives you another smile and you swear he inches just a little closer. “You did no such thing. I’m… perfectly satisfied.” 

You nod, glad that he doesn’t seem upset at the very least. Your lips press together, unsure of what to do or say. You’ve never had a husband before. Wasn’t he supposed to just sort of… put you on the bed and… do it?

Your eyes flit to said bed and your husband must see because he hurries to continue. 

“Well, I’ll see you in the morning then, hm?” His eyes flit to your armoire and back again. “Wear the blue dress with the lace to breakfast, yeah? Been dying to see it on you.” He chuckles like he’s just told some sort of amusing joke.

Your brows furrow. That was… not the topic you’d been expecting. “You’re not…” You feel your cheeks heat and tighten your jaw. “Not staying the night?” 

His lashes lower a fraction and those eyes pierce you again. You don’t think you could move even if you wanted to, even with him prowling closer, each step eating up the space between you. He doesn’t stop until you’re nose to nose and you can feel his breath fanning over your cheeks. It’s cold somehow, chilling, and you shiver. He smirks. 

“Not tonight.” 

His head dips and for a moment you think he’s going to kiss you, but then he’s bypassing your mouth altogether and- his lips connect to your pulse. His mouth is cool, just like his breath, and you shiver uncontrollably under his touch. 

His touch is just a fleeting moment, just a wrinkle in time, and then he’s gone. His footsteps are quiet brushes on the hardwood and the creak of the door even seems tamed in his presence. 

“Goodnight,” is all he says, and then he’s gone. 

You climb into your bed an hour later wondering what in the world just happened. 

~  

You do wear the blue dress to breakfast and you can only gape in the mirror when you realize that it fits perfectly. It has you second-guessing yourself. Had you sent your measurements in advance and forgotten about it? No, you’d only sent a handful of pieces of information to the Lord prior to your marriage and you remembered all of them very clearly. Everything had gone through a messenger, everything had been clear and direct– you would have remembered sending your measurements– you didn’t. So had he just… guessed? 

That seemed impossible with how everything fit you like a glove, but it was the only explanation you had. The only one that made sense. 

When you join Satoru for breakfast it’s in a sitting room as lavishly decorated as the rest of the castle, but perhaps organized to be a bit more… liveable. He has no plate in front of him, only a tin cup that hides the contents of whatever he’s drinking. You assume coffee or juice. Perhaps he’s just not a breakfast person. 

“It fits!” he says. His hands clasp together in front of him and he smiles again, dimples and all. 

You nod and fight the heat that bubbles beneath your cheeks as you take your seat. “Yes, perfectly.”

A plate is set before you and a glance up reveals it’s Thomas serving your breakfast. You smile, hoping for some acknowledgement from him, for a small piece of comfort. Instead, you get his averted gaze and quick retreat. Your brows furrow, but before you can say anything, Satoru is back to speaking. 

“I hope Thomas treated you well yesterday?” 

You glance up, but Satoru’s eyes aren’t on you, they’re on your footman. His smile is bright, but it’s anything but friendly. You fight a shiver. 

You glance at Thomas. He’s perfectly still, perfectly straight, but you think you see a muscle clench in his jaw. You clear your throat. “Y-Yes. Thomas was very helpful.” When Satoru keeps staring the boy down you add, “-and very respectful.” 

That seems to satisfy. Satoru breaks his stare and some of the tension in the air instantly eases. He shoots you another dimpled smile, this one with a little more warmth. “Perfect.” 

There’s a beat and then he’s standing, draining whatever he has in his cup and then straightening his jacket. “Well, I have some work to do. I’ll see you for dinner?” He’s grinning again, like it’s so normal for a man to abandon his bride on their wedding night and then again the morning after. All you can do is nod. He chuckles. “See you then, princess.” And then he’s gone.

~

If this is to be your life you don't know how you will survive it. You spend the day milling about. Through the gardens, through the castle, through the stables. Thomas is never far behind, but any attempt at conversation is nipped in the bud by hit shortness. It’s like he fears coming too close. He’s never closer than a couple paces except when he has to bring you something, only to retreat again as soon as possible. The other servants barely pay you any mind apart from giving you a respectful greeting and then immediately averting their eyes. There is no work to be done, no guests to be had, no parties to plan… and no Satoru. You don’t see your husband once on tour around the grounds. You ask Thomas where his office is only for him to vaguely point out a window in the east tower. You don’t see so much as a ripple in the curtains. 

Dinner comes around at the pace of a snail. When it’s finally time to get dressed a lady’s maid whose name you don’t even catch arrives to help you lace your dress. As soon as your corset is deemed tight enough she’s back out the door with a curtsy. Thomas leads you to the dining room and your eyes roam the whole way. Even after having spent the whole day exploring, there are halls and corridors that you’ve yet to step foot in. 

The dining room is just as gorgeous as the rest of the place– filled with singular items that could feed entire families for years. Somehow, you think you’ve already grown accustomed to such things, since the only thing you truly care to look at is your husband. Satoru’s already seated, but he stands when you enter, looping around the table to pull a chair out for you. 

You give him your most genuine smile, accepting a kiss to your knuckles in greeting before you settle. “How was your day?” you ask as he takes his seat again. 

He chuckles. “Perfectly fine. And how was yours, princess?” Your nose crinkles. That’s the second time he’s called you that. Something about it feels wrong. You’re still getting used to being a lady. Princess feels even worse. 

“It was… good.”

You watch a perfect white brow arch in the candlelight. “Oh? Just good?” You don’t miss the way his eyes flicker to the corner– to Thomas. 

You hurry to elaborate. “Well, I just– I can’t help but feel as if there’s not much… use for me.” Servants flood in, some carrying wine, others carrying trays that hold more food than the both of you could ever possibly consume. 

That brow arches impossibly higher. “Use?” His lips crack into that smile again, but it’s tight this time. Too tight. “You have no use. You only enjoy yourself. Surely Thomas has told you that.” 

A plate of steaming food plops in front of you. Even its heavenly smell can’t quell the sudden dread in your gut. “Of course! Of course he did.” Your stomach twists and you decide that perhaps now is not the time to press the subject. “I’ll just… I’ll try riding tomorrow.” You hate riding, but it’s the first thing that comes to mind. 

Satoru’s smile thaws into something less menacing. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy that.” 

You nod eagerly. “I’m sure I will.” 

You grab your fork, eager for a new subject. From what you can tell, dinner is roast chicken and vegetables, though it’s the luxury version as everything seems to be. The spices are intoxicating and the green beans are even arranged in a pretty little pattern that makes them look too good to eat. You do anyway. The first bite nearly makes you moan, but you chew slowly, delicately, trying not to let your upbringing show.

It’s not until several bites later that you realize you’re the only one eating. A quick glance reveals your husband has no platter, no chicken or green beans. He’s only… watching you. You clear your throat, dabbing at your lips with a napkin. 

“You’re not… eating?”

That permanent smile grows a little wider and you can’t help but feel as if there’s something… menacing about it. “Ate before I came.” 

Your brows furrow. “Oh. Were you on the road?” 

You think you see something wild flash in his eyes. “No.” 

The rest of dinner passes slowly, almost painfully. Satoru doesn’t eat a bite, doesn’t even look enticed. You wonder how that’s possible when it smells like a spice bomb went off in the dining room. 

By the time you’ve cleared your plate you’ve discussed everything from the number of horses in the stables to kinds of crops grown on the estate. It’s comforting to know a little more about your new home, but it’s not enough. 

“Is there a library?” you ask. You’re on dessert now. It’s the best chocolate cake you’ve ever had and it takes everything in you to hold back a moan each time it touches your tongue. 

“Of course.” Your husband’s eyes flicker to Thomas again and you’re honestly starting to fear for the poor footman’s life. Everytime you ask a question it’s like Satoru is angry it hasn’t already been answered. “It’s yours to use as you please.” 

You smile lightly. “Perfect. Thank you.” 

He softens a bit at that. “Is there anything specific you wanted to read about?” 

You shrug. “The estate, I suppose. I should know my home’s history, no?”

His eyes get that wild look again, that sparkle that you know speaks to nothing good. “Oh, absolutely. I have some personal favorites to recommend. I’ll leave them aside for you?” 

You swallow and give him a shallow nod. “That would be perfect. Thank you.” 

He chuckles. “My pleasure.” 

When dessert is finally over, you stand slowly. Satoru’s not far behind you, saying he’ll walk you to your room. Your heart leaps at his words. Will he stay with you tonight? 

He offers you his arm in the hall and your mouth runs dry when you feel the corded muscle beneath his jacket. By the time you reach your room, you’re thinking of tugging him in behind you. His denial to stay with you last night was not only confusing, but… off putting. Nearly offensive. Did he not like how you looked? Did he think something was wrong with you? 

You muster all the courage you possess and force your lips apart. “Will you stay with me tonight?” 

His eyes spark again and you hold your breath. He presses closer. This is it, you think. His lips hover over yours, eyes glimmering in the candlelight. And then he dips his head, his mouth pressing to your pulse. 

“Not tonight,” he whispers– and then he’s gone. 

~

You wake suddenly. It’s the middle of the night, you gather. The light streaming through the window is weak enough to only be that of the moon. 

Your heart is pounding and your skin is slick with sweat despite the chill in your bones. A nightmare, you think. It must have been a nightmare. 

As you settle back into your sheets you swear you see a ripple in the darkness. You close your eyes. If your nightmare is real, you’d rather not see it coming.

~

The library is huge. It’s sprawling and smells of paper and leather and everytime Thomas lights a candle you flinch at the idea that one misplaced spark could end thousands of years of knowledge. 

The books Satoru left you are… perfect. Just what you were looking for. They’re all comprehensive volumes of the history of the estate, many of which reference each other. You’re stunned to see that several are written by very well-known authors of both the past and the present. You knew the Gojo family’s influence reached far, but not that far. You peruse the titles. The Gojos: A History, A History of the Gojo Crest, History of the Gojo Castle, Revisiting the Gojo Family: A Comprehensive History. Altogether you have well over a few thousand pages of information– but there’s one book that doesn’t fit with the rest. It’s relatively unassuming. A black cover with some sort of gold rune etched onto its front. When you flip to the title page it reads “Creatures of Myth and Where To Find Them”. Your brows furrow. You slide it to the side– must have gotten mixed in with the others, you think.

~

You ask Thomas to bring the books to your room. He does. Very respectfully. He sets them on your bedside table and then retreats like a kicked puppy with only a polite goodbye. You sigh. His behavior has only gotten stranger in the past few days. You think the servants’ coldness must have something to do with Satoru, but you can’t figure out why. Had he ordered them to stay away? Why would he? 

You decide it’s a question for another day and dive into your books. You spend hours, days, reading every chapter, page, and word. The pure amount of information is dizzying. Apparently this specific estate had been in the hands of the Gojo family since the eighth century (with several razings and consequential rebuilds). You also learn that Satoru was not only the most wealthy lord on the continent, but the most wealthy man. Even wealthier than the king apparently, though that fact was kept fairly under wraps to protect the crown’s ego. The estimates of your husband’s net worth made your head spin.

Satoru joins you for breakfast and dinner every day. You never see him eat a morsel. It’s… unsettling to say the least. It’s always just that tin cup, filled with something you could never quite see. You develop a pattern of waking in the night, too, with the overwhelming sense that something is watching you. Sometimes you could swear you feel the bed shift as you jerk awake. Each time you simply close your eyes and try your best to slow your heart, convinced your mind is playing tricks on you. 

Your days feel a little more productive with a book in your hands, but you’ve read them all three times over by the time a fortnight has passed. You find yourself packing them up to return to Thomas when a certain black cover catches your attention. You grab it from the pile and settle back into your seat. You’ve nothing better to do, right? 

You flip back the cover, revealing a familiar title. “Creatures of Myth and Where to Find Them”. You don’t recognize the author’s name. A quick scroll through the table of contents reveals nothing particularly interesting, but you pick a random chapter on ghouls and decide to start there. 

It’s fascinating. Nothing about the style is boring and the words fly by. Your silly little myth book is a page turner. By the time you notice the light has started dying you’ve read about ghosts, fairies, werewolves, and goblins– all of which have been a delightful little read. A glance at the clock reveals you have a half hour before dinner. One more chapter, you think. Your eyes skim the title. “Vampires [Vampyr]”. 

You skim the first paragraphs until your eyes settle on a line that catches your eye. 

“Contrary to popular belief, vampires are not always crazed blood-hungry monsters. Many live among humans quite comfortably and are able to avoid detection with a little well-placed effort.” 

You purse your lips. What a… terrifying thought. You skim a little further. 

“A vampire’s key characteristic is, of course, their desire and need to drink human blood as sustenance. However, a vampire can be spotted sooner if one is able to recognize their subtler traits. Vampires often have skin lacking any sort of flush. The lack of blood in their veins results in a sickly pallor, even after the most rigorous exercise. Their skin is also noticeably cold to the touch. At best, a vampire’s body will reach room temperature. Vampires can also be noted for their preternatural beauty. They will stand out as the most attractive person in any crowd. Finally, a vampire will have fangs. If one wishes to identify a vampire, one only needs a good look at their teeth”.

A chill settles over your skin. You flip ahead a few pages. 

“Vampires are unable to consume typical human food. Should they attempt to, their bodies will immediately reject any and all foreign substances.” 

Your stomach drops. You don’t want to think about why. You skip the rest of the paragraph. 

“Vampires possess several supernatural abilities that set them apart as a human’s predator rather than their equal. Vampires are known to move unnaturally fast and are notably light footed. If a vampire does not wish to be heard, they will not be. A vampire’s strength is inhuman, well over ten times that of the average man. They also have a penchant for darkness, an ability to hide away in the shadows that cannot be explained. Oftentimes they will seem to appear from thin air.”

You skip ahead again.

“Vampires have been known to take mates. Mates usually come in the form of another vampire, but in some cases a human has been chosen. Vampires are fiercely protective of their mates, bordering on obsession. Any person deemed a threat to their bond or their mate’s safety is usually disposed of quickly. Oftentimes, vampires make these decisions with haste, with little regard for whether or not the threat was real. A vampire will do everything in their power to please their mate, but have been known to forcibly restrain their mates in situations of unrequited feelings. Above all else, vampires wish to possess their mates. Two bonded vampires will sometimes spiral into gloriously destructive fits in their endless desire to protect and possess one another. A vampire bonded to a human will show an increasingly protective nature, often isolating their mate from others.”

Your heart pounds. A bead of sweat rolls down your back. You flip the pages, desperate– desperate for a piece of information that will save you from the thoughts spilling in your mind, from the thoughts you will do anything not to believe. You reach the “Where to Find Them” subsection and nearly gasp with relief. Surely, vampires do not pose as wealthy lords of Europe? 

“Vampires can be found everywhere. They do not exist in only one country or continent, but all over the world. Odds are that you have faced at least one vampire in your life, unknowingly or not. Some vampires choose to live solitary lives, surviving in the wilderness where human society will not attempt to tame their wild nature. Others choose to live among humans, some even existing in positions of very high authority.” 

No, no, no. This can’t be happening to you. It can’t be real. You’re dreaming, you’re having one of those nightmares again. You’re going to wake up any second. 

“One tale recounts a razing of the Gojo estate in the 12th century.” 

You’re panting, hyperventilating. This isn’t happening. 

“Soldiers of the enemy force recounted a singular man, the son and heir of the then Lord Gojo, taking out a minimum of 800 men. He was described as having his family’s characteristic white hair as well as blue eyes. Eyewitness accounts depict the Gojo heir as covered in blood and killing savagely and with inhuman strength.” 

No, no, no. 

“(See next page for only existing portrait)”

Your fingers tremble but you can’t stop them. There’s no way. It’s not possible. 

You flip the page and Satoru stares back at you. 

Knock! Knock! Knock!

You nearly scream. Your door rattles angrily, but you’re not sure you can answer it, not with the knowledge flooding your mind. The knocking continues. You run your hand over your face and smooth down your hair. You feel frazzled, dirty, despite not having moved from your chair all day. Another knock prompts you to set your book aside and stand. You do your best to compose yourself, to put on a straight face. You fail instantly when you pull back the door not to reveal your faithful attendant, not Thomas, but Satoru. 

You bite back a shriek and instead force a smile. You’re suddenly very aware of the blood pounding in you veins and of the fact that he most likely knows. 

“Hello,” he says, but his voice is lower than usually, more intense. 

You force a breath into your lungs. “Hello,” you answer, but it sounds more like a squeak than a greeting. 

Something flashes in his eyes, something familiar, something that is no longer interesting but rather terrifying. “Are you alright? You seem a little… flushed.” The concern on his face feels anything but genuine. 

“I’m fine,” you answer, but even you can tell that reply too quickly, too eagerly. You rush to cover it up. “Is it time for dinner? Where’s Thomas?” 

His lip twitches and you see a muscle in his jaw flex. “Thomas has… left us.” 

No. This wasn’t happening to you. There was no way this was happening to you. 

“He… what?” There’s an unmistakable wobble in your voice that only causes Satoru’s face to fall further. 

“It’s no matter. He’s gone. Now it’s just you and me, hm?” He chuckles and the sound rattles your bones. “In fact, I was thinking I’d cut down on the number of servants we have entirely…” 

You mind races with the memory of knowledge you wish you didn’t have. “Vampires are fiercely protective of their mates, bordering on obsession. Any person deemed a threat to their bond or their mate’s safety is usually disposed of quickly.”

You nearly stumble, but lean against the doorframe just in time. Your husband had disposed of a man, all because he brought you meals and books?

“What have you been up to today, princess?” The question breaks your trance just in time for you to see your husband’s eyes flicker behind you. 

You wet your lips. “Just some reading.” You plead that he doesn’t ask anything further. He does. 

“About the estate?” he asks. 

You nod and try to swallow the lump in your throat. “Yes.”

His smile returns and this time it’s not forced. “You got my books, then?” 

You try smiling back, but you’re fairly sure it looks more like a grimace. “Yes.”

“Anything interesting?” he presses.

This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. Does he know? Does he know that you know? “Yes, of course. Lots.” 

He pauses and you see the debate and then the decision in his eyes. You think it’s the first time you’ve felt true terror when he meets your gaze again. “I think we should skip dinner tonight. It seems we have so much to discuss.”

You don’t even have the wherewithal to scream when he steps into you, forcing you back until he’s shutting your door behind him. He doesn’t stop there, though. He keeps pressing, keeps pushing until your knees hit the bed and you’re falling to the mattress. He crawls right after you.

“Who knew my little wife was such a reader? All those books in such a short time… You must be simply spilling with information.” 

You retreat across the mattress, squeaking when your back hits the headboard and his arms cage your waist. You’re trapped.

His hands find your hips and you’re all too aware of how cool his touch is. Even more so when he pulls you right into his lap.

“Satoru-” your voice is pitiful, breathless, and you’re ashamed to say it’s not just from the fear in your gut. He’s never been this close before, never touched you, held you like this. “Thomas-” 

“Don’t speak his name.” His face pulls into the first scowl you’ve ever seen and the sight is enough to root you to the spot. Never have you seen anything more frightening. A creature so beautiful, so perfectly angelic, filled with an insurmountable rage. It’s wrong. “He’s gone. He’ll never bother you again.” He’s closer now, his breath skating over your skin. It’s cool and now you know the reason why. 

You shake and tremble and you know– Thomas is dead. Your husband killed him– killed him for getting too close when all he did was stay at a distance. Satoru killed him. Killed him. 

He buries himself in your neck, his voice a near whine. “Thought I could put up with it, just so you’d have someone to take care of you…” He groans. “I was so wrong, princess. Couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand the way you smelled more like him than me…” 

You feel him melt against you then, relief washing over his body in a wave. “But he’s gone. And now it’s just you and me, hm? Just you and me…” He hums, like remembering that fact is all he’s ever needed.

He’s kissing your pulse again, now, and your heart is racing faster than ever. Your fingers curl into his shoulders. You should push him away, away, away. He’s a killer, of thousands no doubt. You’ve never felt at home here, never felt like you belonged. This is why. You’re not even the same species. He’s something else, something your hands were never meant to touch. 

Your mind screams at you to do go, to shove and kick at him and leave this place behind. Go, go, go your gut says… but you don’t. You can’t. It’s too… good. The feeling of his cool lips against your skin, of what you’re sure is his tongue prodding at your pulse… it’s intoxicating. He is intoxicating. How could anyone blame you for wanting more of someone, something, so divine? 

“Have you figured it out yet, love?” Your breath hitches and he chuckles, licking a long stripe up your neck, before he settles back at your pulse. Always your pulse. “I can feel those little gears turning. Tell me, what have they discovered?” 

He knows you know. But he’s going to make you say it. You swallow and feel his grip on you tighten. “You’re…” Your breaths come faster. You can’t. Not aloud. Aloud makes it too… real. 

“Yessss?” he prods. He’s licking at you again, all the way across your throat to find your other pulse-point. 

“You’re not…” Something sharps nicks at your skin and you bite your lip to hold back a whimper. 

“Go on, princess.” You think he’s just smelling you now, just burying his face as close to you as possible and taking you in. 

You close your eyes tightly, holding back tears. “Not human,” you breathe. A piece of you breaks with the admission.

He huffs a little laugh against your skin and pulls back to look you in the eye. “That’s good,” he purrs. “But I think you can be a little more specific, no?” His lips press to your chin, then the corner of your mouth, then down to your jaw… “Tell me.” 

Your lips wobble, muscles clenching tighter with each passing moment. You don’t want to say it, don’t want to speak it into existence, but you also don’t dare to disobey him. 

“You’re a…” You shake and tremble. He draws a line up your neck with the tip of his nose.

“Mhm?” 

You open your eyes, thinking this might be the last time you see. “Vampire.” 

He chuckles and you feel his teeth press to the skin of your neck. “That’s right, princess. So smart.” 

He smiles and you suddenly realize you’ve never seen his teeth before. Everytime he smiles at you it’s close-lipped and dimpled. But this… this is the smile of a predator– all white and pointy and fitted with a set of menacingly long fangs. You sob at the sight. 

“Shhhhh,” he coos. He has your chin in his hand, forcing you to truly look at him, to see him for what he is. “I won’t hurt you, love.” You want to believe him so badly it burns, but his laugh washes away any fire and turns it to ice. “Not unless you want me to.” He wiggles a brow like it’s just a little joke, like he’s not an actual fucking vampire that had his fangs over your neck just moments ago. 

“Satoru,” you beg. You’re not sure what you’re begging for. Release maybe? But, no, that’s not right. You don’t want him to let you go, not when you finally have him close after all this time. “Why did you pick me?” 

The question slips out. You hadn’t even been thinking about it, hadn’t even noticed it scratching at the walls of your mind, but it made its way out nonetheless.

His brow creases, but not in confusion. Moreso in… thoughtfulness. “Do you think about that a lot, princess?” 

You nod and you suddenly want him closer, want him to touch you everywhere, hold you like his life depends on it. You want him, no matter how horrible it might be. 

He nods and hums, kissing the tip of your nose lightly. “Well…” he says. His thumb swipes over your lips when he leans in to whisper in your ear. “At first I wanted you for this.” His head dips to your neck again and you feel the familiar brush of his lips against your throat. “You smell…” he chuckles. “Like heaven. Which is a place I’ll never get to on my own, so I had to bring my own little slice home, no?” He laughs again, a little louder this time, genuinely amused. “Went into town one day and caught your scent on the street. At first I thought I must be walking past the bakery, but, lo and behold, there was no baker in sight.” He’s still kissing at your pulse, worshiping it. “Went crazy, princess. Didn’t think I was going to be able to contain myself when I found you. Thought it might be quite the scene.” He huffs a laugh and you shiver, somehow both terrified and intoxicated. “But then I saw you–” he groans and something clenches deep at your center. “And I knew I needed more than just your blood. Needed you.” He’s rocking into you now, and your breath catches when you feel something firm against your backside. “Went to you in that little room you slept in every night. Watched you. Couldn’t stay away. Knew I had to have you.” You feel him smile against your skin. “After a week I couldn’t take it anymore. Sent you that letter, married you. Made you mine.” He groans again. “Then I met you and you were so pretty, princess. Already knew it, but hearin’ you talk to me, look at me.” Teeth graze your pulse. “Needed you more than ever. Almost took you right on the fucking floor in here while you were lookin’ at those dresses.” You whine when his hips roll into you again. “Oh, but I knew I couldn’t. You’re so fragile, love. Had to wait, had to make you feel safe, yeah? Spent all this time forcing myself to stay away, ‘fraid of what I might too if I was in your presence too long. Had to control myself. Had to make you realize you could trust me.” He panting, like he’s so pent up he can hardly sit still. “Do you trust me, princess?” 

Your brows scrunch. Say no, say no, say no a part of you screams. Run, run, run. You can’t. “Yes,” you breathe. 

You feel him smile again, feel the pleasure of submission. “Good girl.” 

You’re on your back. It happens so fast your eyes don’t even have time to gasp. You don’t see Satoru, but you feel him. Everywhere. His hands are roaming your body softly, sliding under buttons and laces and popping them off. Your dress loosens with every passing moment until Satoru reappears above you, diving straight for your neck again. “So good, princess. Let’s get you out of this dress, yeah?” 

You nod wordlessly, entranced. He finds your mouth as he rids you of your clothes. His tongue presses in and you flail against him, unsure of what to do, of how to handle the intrusion. The kiss is heavy, too heavy, but Satoru can’t seem to stop. He devours you as he gives up on laces and buttons and simply shreds your dress down the back. You tremble when the cold air hits your skin, when his cool fingers dust your collarbone. 

“I always forget how many damn layers they make you ladies wear,” he chuckles. His hands run beneath your shift, up across your bare thigh. You gasp at the touch. No one has even been so close to you before. You feel the threads of your corset snapping away, feel your breaths growing deeper. You tremble when he pulls your sleeve down past your shoulder and runs his mouth along the newly exposed skin. 

“Satoru,” you gasp, and your hand pulls at his flowing white shirt. 

He chuckles, pulling back just enough to see your face. “You wanna see me too?” You nod, lips parted and eyes glassy, and he laughs again. He lips dust over the corner of your mouth. “Alright.” 

His hands shift from you to himself, working at the laces on his chest. His movements are speedy, practiced, like he’s been lacing and unlacing shirts for hundreds of years. Your throat tightens when you realize that he has. 

You gasp when he reveals himself, when his shirt slides away to reveal an expanse of pale skin and carved muscle. You’ve never seen a man like this and seeing one this close up for the first time is nearly blinding. He’s art, you think- nothing less. 

“Touch me, princess,” he says. You can’t. You shouldn’t. He’s too beautiful, too perfect to be beneath your insignificant hands. “Need a little help?” he asks, and there’s a lilt in his voice that makes you sure he’s grinning. 

His hands find yours and bring them to his chest, running your palms over his collarbones, his pecs, down, down, down across his abs that you can feel each and every one… You whimper, watching your own fingers grope his skin. He pulls you lower, lower, lower, and you gasp when your fingertips brush the waistband of his pants. But then he’s laughing again and he’s throwing your arms over his shoulders and pulling you closer, kissing your neck like it pained him to be parted from your pulse for so long. 

“Not so fast,” he says, like he wasn’t the one nearly stuffing your hands down his pants. His hands are on your corset again. You can feel it dangling onto you by a thread, literally. All he needs is a couple more pulls and you’ll be bare. By the look he gives you, you can tell he’s 

thinking the same thing. “You touch me, now I touch you, yeah?” There’s a tug and a tear and then so much… cold. You’ve never realized how cold this castle is, not until you’re exposed to its elements fully. You’re naked. 

Satoru sits back on his knees and just watches. His gaze is searing, burning, despite the iciness of his being. It’s too much. Your hands move to cover yourself, to maintain some modicum of your dignity- 

“No.” Strong hands find your wrists and pry them apart. “Let me see you,” he says. His tongue darts out to lick his lips. 

Your jaw clenches and your frame shakes, but you do as he asks, letting your hands fall limply at your sides. There’s silence for many more moments and it seems to go on so long that you can only squeeze your eyes shut under his gaze. Surely he will turn you away now, get up and leave, tell you this was a mistake, tell you that you’re– 

“Beautiful,” he breathes. Your eyes snap open to find him already staring at you. “Beautiful,” he says again, and then he’s on you, lips at your pulse, hands on your skin. His touch is cool and you squeak at the chill that runs up your spine. You’re not sure it’s entirely from his temperature. 

His mouth seeks yours and he devours you. You feel as if he’s sucking your soul out through your lips. “Tell me you’ve never done this before,” he begs. “Tell me I’m the first to touch you.” 

You whine against his mouth, both aching for more and overwhelmed by what he’s already giving you. “Y-You’re the first,” you whisper. 

His groan is deep, primal. It rattles through your chest and you whimper when his hands dig into your waist hard enough to bruise. “Yes,” he breathes, and you shiver again. “Lie back, princess.” Your eyes widen, with anticipation or fear you’re not sure. Probably both. He chuckles. “Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle.” 

You pray he means that. “Just relax, love. Here, hold my hand.” His fingers find yours, twining them together. When you swallow, his eyes follow the bob of your throat. He leans back again and your body twitches when his free hand skims the skin of your thighs. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he finds your knees and you gasp when he parts your legs, revealing you so completely to his gaze. The way he stares, like he’s committing you to memory, it’s nearly enough to make you snap your thighs shut, but a squeeze from his hand reminds you to relax, to trust. 

His palm skates up your thigh and settles near your hip, his fingertips inching closer to where you can feel an embarrassing throb. 

“Tell me, love. Have you ever touched yourself here?” His fingers dust low on your tummy- just low enough for you to catch his meaning, but not low enough to give you any relief. Your face heats and your teeth dig into the flesh of your cheek. You have, you have touched yourself there, but it’s the last thing you want to admit to your new husband. It’s shameful, it’s dirty, it’s- “Don’t think I’ll judge you, princess. Just wanna know.” 

You gulp down a breath. You should come clean. “Y-yes,” you stutter, and the sound of your voice so weak and helpless only makes you flush further. 

He chuckles and squeezes your hand again. “On the outside or the inside?” 

Your eyes widen. I-inside? You’d never considered that… “J-just the outside,” you answer. 

Your eyes grow even wider when his head rolls back and he moans straight up to the ceiling like your answer is heaven-sent. When he looks back to you his fangs are on full display. “Well, I think you and I are in for a little treat today, hm?” 

Your brow furrows and your lips part to ask him what he means– his fingers travel those last few inches down your tummy and find your clit. You squeak and jolt so violently that he presses a hand to your hip, holding you to the mattress. “Somebody’s sensitive,” he chuckles. He holds you still for a moment and then lets your hips go free. “Try to stay still. I promise it’ll feel good.”

You nod hopelessly, but this time you’re prepared for when he touches you again. Your muscles clench at the first touch, at the foreign sensation of a touch down there that wasn’t your own. But then it’s more. It’s languid, slow circles around a spot that you’ve never been able to pinpoint so well on your own. It’s heat building in your tummy that seeps through every vein and into every pore. It’s relaxation that you’ve never known, that has you melting into the mattress despite the chill of the touch. 

There’s a little huff of a laugh and then his voice. “Good girl. Feels nice, yeah?” You nod hesitantly and squeeze desperately at his hand, searching for an anchor. His head cocks to the side and you watch the smile slide across his lips. “It’s about to feel even nicer.” 

By the time you realize what he’s doing it’s far too late to stop him. His mouth closes around your cunt and you yelp, trying to wiggle away from the overwhelming sensation- but he’s got his freehand on your hip again and his grip is bruising, punishing, as he holds you in place. He licks a stripe through your folds and you find yourself jolting again, uselessly so against the pressure of his palm on your hip. “Stop that, princess.” Your heart drops at the admonishment until you feel his guiding touch. “Rock into me like this.” His hand rocks your hips into his mouth and the pressure of his tongue against your clit is so delicious that you whimper. “Good girl,” he says and your heart rises right back up. “Keep doing that, now.” You don’t dare defy him. You rock like he showed you, a little jerkily at first, and then you find a rhythm that has you seeing stars. “That’s it, love,” he says, and the sound is muffled against your cunt. “Here, put your hand in my hair.” He finds your wrist and guides you forward until your fingers are tangling in those snowy locks. They’re even softer than you’d imagined. “Good girl,” he whispers and suddenly he’s taking one last long lick and lifting his head to meet your eyes. “‘M gonna put my fingers in you now, princess.” Your chin wobbles. “It might hurt a little bit, but stay still, okay?” You can’t do anything but nod. 

His eyes return to your cunt and you can feel him prodding at your entrance, circling the hole as you clench in anticipation. “Relaaaaaax, love,” he says and you nod. A deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth– 

You feel the exact moment he pushes into you and a whine of pain rips from your throat. Your walls clamp down like a vice, angry at the intrusion– but it’s already too late. There’s a beat of silence, of anticipation, and then he’s– laughing? 

Your brows furrow when you hear it, your head lifting to a sight that locks your limbs in shock. Satoru’s hand is lifted in front of his face, his pointer finger coated in– blood, you realize. Your blood. And he’s a fucking vampire. 

“Oh princess,” he coos, and the manic look in his eyes makes you tremble. “You really are perfect.” 

Things seem to slow as you watch him take his blood covered finger into his mouth. You’re sure you’ve never seen an expression more blissful, more lost to sensation. His eyes roll back and his body shivers, like he’s ascending to some higher plane. Maybe he is. 

When he pulls his finger from his mouth it’s completely licked clean. You hold your breath. He’s going to go for your neck now, right? He’s had a taste and now he’ll want more of it, all of it?

“Fuck,” is all he says. His mouth is back on your cunt so fast you don’t even see him move. 

Your mouth falls wide. It hurts, the way he is so desperately licking at you. You feel his finger again, pressing in, in, in, only to pull back and suddenly be joined by another. The stretch tears at you. You thrash and jolt, but Satoru doesn’t bother telling you to stop this time. His arm wraps over your hips, holding you in place. He seems immune to how hard your legs squeeze at his head or your hands pull at his hair. He’s lost. You can feel him licking, lapping, and prodding at you like you’re a fucking gold mine. He’s lost to desperation, to the need for more, more, more. Every so often he lifts his chin and you see his mouth smudged with a mixture of your wetness and your blood. He laps at his lips like an animal, dragging his thumb across his chin and sliding it into his mouth to make sure he gets every last drop. 

You’re not quite sure when the ravenous pain turns to a ravenous pleasure, when it turns from terrifying to downright delicious. You don’t notice your moans filling the air until Satoru joins you, groaning and whining into your cunt and telling you to keep going, to keep making those sounds. The hand you have buried in his hair doesn’t fight to push him away any longer, only to pull him into those now practiced rocks of your hips. His fingers thrust deep, curling into a spot that makes you feel so good and his mouth has found your clit again. He sucks your nerves lightly between his lips, tongue swirling in little circles. Your thighs start to shake. 

“Yes. Yes. Give it to me.” 

“S-Satoru–” you breathe. Warmth and tightness pool in your tummy, and you recognize it as your approaching orgasm, though you know this one will be far different than any you’ve ever managed to give yourself. Your body shakes and your breaths tremble and then– you fall over the edge, rocking your hips senselessly, losing all form of rhythm. Warmth tingles in your spine and seeps all the way down to your toes. You think you cry out, cry for your husband, cry for more, cry for less, but if you do you don’t hear it. All you hear is the pounding of your pulse, of pleasure throbbing in your veins until the world slowly seeps back in through the corners of your vision. 

Satoru is grinning. A speck of your blood clings to his chin and his fangs peek out from behind his lips. The sight makes your blood run a little colder. If any part of you doubted what he was before… well, there was no doubt any longer. 

There’s a shift between your legs, his hips slotting between them, and you’re suddenly snapped back to reality. From the look in his eyes, you’re not done. 

Frantic hands find his pants and he undoes each button with a quickness that is almost inhuman. You wonder if he could go even faster, if he’s holding back so as not to scare you. If he is, it isn’t working very well. Fear surges in your veins right alongside anticipation. 

“S-Satoru–”

“It’s alright, love.” His hand finds yours without his eyes ever looking up. His grip is just a little too firm, a little too cold. “Just stay still.” 

You whimper, but you don’t think he’s paying attention to that, and soon enough, neither are you. His pants slide down just past his hips, just enough. You gasp. 

You’ve never seen a man in the nude, never even dared to think about what it might look like, though it seemed you no longer had to guess. His hand wrapped around his shaft, giving one long and slow stroke that made his breath hiss through his fangs. The tip was flushed, angry, and leaking something that looked clear and sticky. You couldn’t help but notice it was a lot thicker than a finger, or even two. If his fingers had hurt…

He moves with that alarming quickness again, leaning down to hover over you, chests nearly pressed together. “Gonna take you now, princess. Gonna make you mine.” His eyes bore into yours, blue and shimmering with something wild. His hand presses into the mattress beside your head. “Stay still, now.”

It’s all the warning he gives you. You feel like you’re splitting– straight up the middle. You wail, hands flying out to claw at his back. It hurts. It hurts. 

“Satoru, p-please! It’s–” 

Lips catch yours– hungry, feral. The kiss is not gentle, not soothing. It shuts you up, it keeps you quiet, it keeps you still as you feel him sinking further, deeper into you. It’s too much, you try to say, but the poke of sharp teeth against your lips keeps you silent. Your hips jolt and wiggle trying desperately to escape the stretch but it’s no use. By the time he’s fully inside you, tears are streaking down your cheeks, fat and heavy. His lips break away and his eyes reappear. You shake when you see that none of the wildness has been tamed, that you’ve only just begun.

“Good girl,” he coos, and a cool finger traces a line across your jaw. “Took me so well.” You hold back a sob when his hips shift a little, testing, prodding. He must see the pinch of your eyes, the twist of your mouth, because he’s quick to comfort. “Just hold my hand, princess.” His hips rock in earnest this time and you whimper, squeezing down on his hand with all your might. You’re panting as he chuckles. “Breathe, love. Breathe. Soon you’ll be begging for more,” he laughs. It’s not long before he’s rocking into you sincerely, setting a pace that stretches you to the brink of breaking. At first it’s all you can do to grasp onto him, to bite your lips through the whimpers and hold his hand. And then it’s… more. It’s heat and warmth despite the coolness of his body on yours. It’s sensation and… pleasure. He laughs when the first moan slides past your lips, burying his face in your neck once again. You hear him at your ear, panting his hot breath across your skin. 

“Feel good, princess?” You nod, letting your hips rock against his as he showed you before. It feels good– it feels right. He chuckles, but there’s nothing light about the sound. “Wanna feel even better?” Something sharp pokes at the skin of your neck, hard enough to make you squeak, to make you freeze at what you know he wants. 

He pulls himself back, pressing his forehead to yours, searching your eyes with his. Something like a cruel smile dances on his mouth. “Just a taste, love. I promise it won’ hurt.” His tongue darts out and licks across your lips, his thrusts rocking just a bit faster. “You’ll feel s’ good an’ I’ll only take a little.” He laughs again and it sends a chill through your bones. “Promise.” He sounds breathless, like he’s struggling to restrain himself. The increase of his pace makes you whine and you squeeze his hand again. He buries himself back in your neck, panting. “Come on, love. Say yes. Say yes f’ me.” Your eyes glaze over. Your body justles with each new thrust. He’s desperate now, seeking a release that you don’t think is any kind you’re familiar with. “Yes, yes, yes,” he chants in your ear. You’re not sure when his words twist in your mind, when they settle on your tongue and push past your lips, but you know it feels so right when they do. 

“Yes,” you whisper. 

His fangs clamp around your pulse. You scream when the sting rips through you, violent and savage– but it only lasts a moment. Pain fades to… ecstasy. You feel his throat bobbing with each swallow, feel your blood seeping from your skin and onto his tongue. You’d thought it would feel slicing, draining, like the life was being sucked from you. It doesn’t. It feels wonderful. Heat spreads under your skin, emanating from your neck and down to your toes. It feels like breathing for the first time, like sugar being pumped into your veins. It feels like heaven. Your hand tangles in his hair, holding him close. You don’t want it to stop, not ever. You could die like this, have him suck every last drop of blood from your veins and thank him for it with your dying breath. 

He’s moaning now, hands curling into your hips while he fucks into you relentlessly. The pace is grueling and brutal. You know it should hurt but only feels perfect. Anything less would not be enough. Anything else would leave you wanting. You feel it building, feel that familiar twinge at your core. The ecstasy flooding through your veins has it coming faster, has you teetering on the edge in moments. 

“Satoru…” You hadn’t noticed how dizzy you felt until you tried to speak. You wonder why… “‘M gonna…” 

He fucks you harder, something menacing and deep rumbling in his chest. The sound makes you shiver, makes you whine, makes you come. 

Your body shakes and a cry rips from your throat, cunt clenching like a vice around him. Your eyes roll back, hands scraping trails down his back. Your thighs quake with the intensity, with the overwhelming senses of pleasure that erupt throughout your body. Every nerve is firing, every hair rising. It’s an unstoppable current, one that sweeps you away, helpless to its pull. 

His thrusts grow sloppy and untimed. His grip on your hips tightens, holding you in place while he makes you his. His teeth break from your neck and when you look up through blurry eyes you see his head thrown back, your blood streaming down his chin in thick little globs. You feel it when he cums, feel the thick ropes of it seeping into your womb, feel the way he keeps fucking you, pushing it deeper and deeper inside. He’s moaning, chanting your name like a prayer at the heavens. 

When the moment ends he slumps over you, eyes half lidded and tired. There’s a familiar grin on his lips, one that inspires both comfort and uneasiness in your gut. You can’t help but stare at him, at the blood that stains his chin and cheeks, that reddens his lips so beautifully. You want to reach out and touch him, touch his blood-soaked skin and see what it feels like, what it tastes like. What you taste like. 

His eyes slide to the side, finding your pulse again. You groan. Yes, you think. Please, yes. More. You don’t think you’ll ever get enough of that. Of his teeth in your flesh, of the euphoria flooding your veins. More, more, more, your mind chants. 

He chuckles lightly and shakes his head. “No, princess.” He raises a finger to trace the curve of your neck. “I took more than I should have…” His expression doesn’t tense with worry. His cheeks pull into a smile, those little dimples shining through. “But what can I say? You just taste so good.” Like he needs to emphasize his point, his tongue darts out to trace his lips, lapping up some of the remaining blood on his chin. “You taste like mine.”

You whine. More, more, more. It’s all you can think about. You lift an arm weakly. You want to pull him to your neck, to make him drink, to make him fill you with the heaven you had just moments ago. 

He catches your wrist and brings it to his lips, inhaling deeply. His lips split into another grin and you see his eyes spark again with the wildness you crave. 

“Not yet, princess.” he coos. “But soon.” His smile grows even wider, until those fangs are on full display, until you’re trembling again. “Forever,” he whispers.

taglist (dm me or send an ask to be added!): @lacheri, @la-undercover-latina, @keiva1000

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[saja-star]

I've had a hard time articulating to people just how fundamental spinning used to be in people's lives, and how eerie it is that it's vanished so entirely. It occurred to me today that it's a bit like if in the future all food was made by machine, and people forgot what farming and cooking were. Not just that they forgot how to do it; they had never heard of it.

When they use phrases like "spinning yarns" for telling stories or "heckling a performer" without understanding where they come from, I imagine a scene in the future where someone uses the phrase "stir the pot" to mean "cause a disagreement" and I say, did you know a pot used to be a container for heating food, and stirring was a way of combining different components of food together? "Wow, you're full of weird facts! How do you even know that?"

When I say I spin and people say "What, like you do exercise bikes? Is that a kind of dancing? What's drafting? What's a hackle?" it's like if I started talking about my cooking hobby and my friend asked "What's salt? Also, what's cooking?" Well, you see, there are a lot of stages to food preparation, starting with planting crops, and cooking is one of the later stages. Salt is a chemical used in cooking which mostly alters the flavor of the food but can also be used for other things, like drawing out moisture...

"Wow, that sounds so complicated. You must have done a lot of research. You're so good at cooking!" I'm really not. In the past, children started learning about cooking as early as age five ("Isn't that child labor?"), and many people cooked every day their whole lives ("Man, people worked so hard back then."). And that's just an average person, not to mention people called "chefs" who did it professionally. I go to the historic preservation center to use their stove once or twice a week, and I started learning a couple years ago. So what I know is less sophisticated than what some children could do back in the day.

"Can you make me a snickers bar?" No, that would be pretty hard. I just make sandwiches mostly. Sometimes I do scrambled eggs. "Oh, I would've thought a snickers bar would be way more basic than eggs. They seem so simple!"

Haven't you ever wondered where food comes from? I ask them. When you were a kid, did you ever pick apart the different colored bits in your food and wonder what it was made of? "No, I never really thought about it." Did you know rice balls are called that because they're made from part of a plant called rice? "Oh haha, that's so weird. I thought 'rice' was just an adjective for anything that was soft and white."

People always ask me why I took up spinning. Isn't it weird that there are things we take so much for granted that we don't even notice when they're gone? Isn't it strange that something which has been part of humanity all across the planet since the Neanderthals is being forgotten in our generation? Isn't it funny that when knowledge dies, it leaves behind a ghost, just like a person? Don't you want to commune with it?

[creatingblackcharacters]

No, That’s Not ‘How Color Works’. - Whitewashing

Whitewashing, as defined by Merriam-Webster:

"to alter (something) in a way that favors, features, or caters to white people: such as a) to portray (the past) in a way that increases the prominence, relevance, or impact of white people and minimizes or misrepresents that of nonwhite people and B) to alter (an original story) by casting a white performer in a role based on a nonwhite person or fictional character"

In fandom context, we know it to include:

Making someone’s skin lighter

Making someone’s hair a thinner texture

Changing someone’s nose to be thinner

Shrinking their lips

Changing the character in their entirety to be someone else

The Normalization of Whitewashing

Remember how I mentioned last lesson that despite the nature of poorly drawn Black characters, most audiences are not turned off enough to discourage the action in professional works? Similar idea with whitewashing. Not the same- unlike the Ambiguously Brown Character, which claims to have plausible deniability, overt whitewashing is usually enough to make fans speak up! But that’s the key word here- overt! It has to be “bad enough” to make enough people speak up, but as we’ve seen many a time, “bad enough” seems to have a much higher threshold for nonblack viewership (sometimes the limit doesn’t exist!)

Some visual examples

This is a link to my personal thread on a Netflix show I was watching- Worst Ex Ever. Now, while the show itself was quite enlightening, there was something I could not get over. I thought I was going crazy. And that was that no matter how dark the person of color would be in real life, the animated portions would draw this light pinkish-brown. Every. Single. Time. It's like they couldn't fathom scrolling down the color wheel. And this is a Netflix original! Netflix has plenty of money for someone to have caught this in creation. But... it was produced. And put out. And they're making more of it.

I asked all of the Dragon Age fans about the series, and uh… I didn’t know things were this bad, guys! Apparently this is a man of color, but it doesn't seem like the creators want you to know that 🤣. Jokes aside, as I’ve discussed before, the noticeable whitewashing- and that was one of many racist things I was told- was not enough to prevent sales... so why would they stop? I can only hope this new game, with all the updates, is enough to turn the tide. But the series has gone on for a while now, that if they’d chosen to do ye same olde… there clearly would not be a lack of financial support to prevent it.

Colorism as a Tool

Even when actors of color are cast, colorism often plays a role in normalizing whitewashing to audiences, even to Black audiences! People think “oh well at least they’re Black!” as if that is the only important part. It is not.

While Aaron Pierre, the actor cast for John Stewart of Green Lantern fame, is a GORGEOUS, STUNNING man, he is not the dark-skinned man that John Stewart is supposed to be and should not have been cast! To me, this is overt colorism, but clearly for many people this is not “enough” to warrant concern or even prevent the casting itself- including the studio behind the movie! Black fans have plead for years for the character of Storm to be played by a dark-skinned, preferably African, woman, and it has never happened.

It naturally happens in fan spaces as well, which is another indicator that colorism as a tool for whitewashing is quite effective for audiences. If I see one more Zendaya fan cast for Kida from Atlantis, I will scream. It’s been happening for years, and I don’t think any of the people who just want to see her and Tom on screen either understand or care that Kida is a dark-skinned character. Zendaya doesn’t look anything like Kida- it doesn’t matter if she’s Black too! Just because someone is Black does not mean they can play every single Black character! I’ve even seen people fancast Emilia Clarke of Game of Thrones fame, to which… I don’t have the words. I can’t fathom what would cause these decisions other than racism.

The Common Excuses

I must be honest. I don’t really feel like re-iterating how certain things are not okay and how to fix them, because I’ve already discussed these things in massive detail. So I’m just going to direct the excuses I regularly hear to my lessons, where you can read up on them.

“Their hair/eyes are like that because they’re biracial so-”

Relevant Lessons: 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 8, 9, 10

There is nothing wrong with having biracial characters with a range of features. I am not saying that! Because yeah, genetics do happen!

But I mentioned this in my last lesson, and I will re-emphasize here, that using biracial identity as a way to whitewash is a sinister form of racism. The intention here- the real intention- is the issue here! The idea that somehow this character can only look the way you want them to look by "diluting" their Blackness… I don’t know how you can explain yourselves out of that one.

You don’t get to use us as an excuse for diversity while still trying to maintain your preference for Eurocentric beauty standards. Black biracial people don’t always look light skinned, thin-haired and ambiguous, and even the ones that do don’t deserve to be treated as your fetish for pretend antiracism. If you just want to draw a white person with a tan, do that. But don’t change a character’s entire look just so you can work in some whiteness. If you want to claim that canon Black character’s mother was white, then I guess they inherited some of her personality because their features should not change.

“It’s my style/It’s the color-”

Relevant Lessons: 3, 4, 10

I hate all excuses for whitewashing, but I’ve grown to despise, hate, abhor and loathe this one the most as I’ve become an artist. I wish there were stronger words to describe just how much I hate the “style” and “color” excuse.

Are style and use of color oft intertwined? Absolutely. I’m not saying they aren’t. But out of everything, there are two things I want artists to understand:

1. Style does not cancel out racism! No style forces you to choose ashy greys and to change peoples’ features. That’s you! If you look at something, and it looks offensive, you change the style. You grow as an artist!

2. “Everyone who is brown will look ashy so I just-” if you recognize that your Black characters look strange in comparison to your nonblack characters, then it’s time to try something else! I don’t understand this sudden need for “realism” when it comes to color and lighting, but not when it comes to hair, for example. No one cares about realism when giving every and all Black characters wavy tresses they probably wouldn’t have, but suddenly milquetoast watercolor attempts at brown and off-putting lighting is “how it works”. That’s not fair.

The color picker is an available tool! I use it often!

Dead giveaway of purposeful whitewashing: if someone gets the outfit color palette right via color picking, but the skin color is multiple shades lighter. That means they were looking at that character and chose not to proceed.

Dead giveaway of purposeful whitewashing: if the white characters in the show are completely correct in their palettes. Again, that means they cared enough to look at everyone else… and not the Black characters.

If you use the color picker and the color picked is… disrespectful, you do not have to use that! You can simply choose a better color that is still similar to the brown that ought to be depicted!

“It’s the lighting-”

Relevant Lessons: 4, 5

If your white characters do not shine like snow in the sunlight because of your lighting, then your lighting does not make your Black characters suddenly light tan.

If your Black characters look bad in your lighting of choice- for example, putting a very dark-skinned character in electric white lighting can be ghastly- try changing the intensity or the color of the lighting. DON’T change your character’s skin color!

I'm going to show you some pictures of South Sudanese model Nyakim Gatwech. Pay attention to the choices of light, color, and makeup.

Look how BEAUTIFUL she is! Look at the choices of intensity and color of light, and how they make her look different in each image.

Now look at this image in comparison:

In this image, whoever did her makeup and took this picture did not take into consideration her skin tone. She's also under this really intense lighting. This is an example of "increasing the lighting does NOT make an image "better"". She didn't need to have lighter skin or "more lighting" to look good. She needed BETTER lighting, lighting that worked with HER.

To see this as an example in drawn art, @dsm7 makes an excellent argument for proper lighting and color, why it is an issue to use it as an excuse, and how to solve that problem.

‼️DISCLAIMER FOR NEXT EXAMPLE‼️

Okay. I am about to show y’all a fan-created example from my personal experience. It is a TEACHING EXPERIENCE ONLY. I am not including the artist’s name in this image. It happened a couple years ago, and it’s over- they’ve chosen to be who they are despite me kindly confronting them about it. The only reason I’m including it at all is because I feel like it would be remiss to have such a clear-cut, multi-level example, and not teach with it. That said, no, I am not telling anyone to act out towards them. Again, that is not what I’m telling you to do. The last thing I need is a literal lynch mob of angry nonblack viewership for trying to teach you all, and y’all sitting there watching it happen to me. Every example of whitewashing is not going to be so obvious, but I hope you learn how to spot the examples in the art you see and share.

I'm obviously a Hades fan, particularly of Patroclus- despite my disdain for the lack of effort in his canon character design. So I've seen a lot of things. That said:

“Well it’s just MY design of them-”

Relevant Lessons: ALL

The sepia coloring did not do this. The lighting did not do this. The design is the exact same as the Hades version, even down to the shape of the hair curling in the back. The only thing that is different… is the man himself.

Y'all. Y'all! You CANNOT take a pre-existing Black character and say “oh well this is my design of them” …and the design is of a whole white person. Because if the rest of the fit is the same, and the only thing that changed is the Blackness… Racism. If you’re going to “make up your own design”, then do that!

“Blackwashing”

Speaking of: I’m sure someone edgy out there thinks they’re so smart as they retort to the screen: “but if that’s not okay, then why is Blackwashing okay?” To which I say- shut up. 😐

The “definition” by fandom: making a nonblack character Black, usually an anime character, but characters in general.

Funny enough, the actual definition in the dictionary (or closest to) is “to defame”, in contrast with whitewash (as in whitewashing history). Maybe racist fans ARE using it correctly when they say you’re blackwashing their characters, when they mean you’re making them “less likable because they’re Black now”. 🤔

Anyway: Blackwashing is not real for the same reason reverse racism is not real.

Me painting these characters brown is not going to take away from the fact that there are far more of you in media than there is of me. Me saying that I ‘headcanon a character as Black with 4C hair’ is not going to make the studio go “oh! Well they must be Black with 4C hair now!” Me saying “oh I think I’d like this character better if they were Black” as a beta tester (less overtly, obviously, because I’m not racist!) will never make a studio change that character. Black viewers have minimal value in comparison to the power of the white viewer’s dollar. I could draw white characters Black every single day of every single game media… and they would still produce majority white characters. There has not been centuries- if not millennia, when we consider Jesus Christ himself, even- of purposeful “Blackwashing” with the intent of removing the original ethnicity- and thus importance- of white people. No one has ever been allowed to forget when someone is white. No one has ever been allowed to forget or not acknowledge white people.

How it could be "solved"

Personally, I love Black edits and I welcome them here. I find them creative and fun. But if you really, REALLY didn’t want us to make those edits, then naturally, we need more Black characters in all of our media!

I wouldn’t have to make edits if I saw more of me to begin with in the things I like to watch- but when we have those characters, racists act an ass about them. We’re not allowed to even be present! I’ve seen too many gamer bros mocking the existence of Yasuke in Assassin’s Creed, and he was a real ass man. But if we made a game about African peoples in African societies, how many of the gamer bros would actually play those games? Do you think there’d be as much support, when we hear so much about Black characters that are treated so abhorrently? How many games do we have where people would love their faves just as much if they were Black? I even learned that Solas was apparently supposed to be a man of color. IMAGINE how many people would not have liked that man, with the same exact plot and characterization.

Something I’ve noticed recently: apparently "Blackwashing" is not a thing when White fans “allow” it. Take this recent trend with Miku. International Miku was beloved! But if you draw any other character as Black on any other day, there will be people that are horrid about it. Ask any artist, Black artists and Black cosplayers especially, who’s ever done it what their comments are like. I’ve read entire missives akin to white supremacist drivel on how it’s somehow morally wrong to make characters Black. Meanwhile no amount of “hey maybe you shouldn’t do this” prevented the movie Gods of Egypt from being created, with a cast full of British White people.

Solutions to Avoiding Whitewashing!

1) Using References!!

Do I think you should know what Black people look like? Yes. We’re humans. It’s 2024. Everyone knows what we look like when it’s time to hate and discriminate against us, so you know what we look like when it’s time to love and depict us. If you’re on Tumblr, you have access to the Internet. ESPECIALLY if you’re in the U.S., as Black people are the source of damn near every piece of online pop culture. If you can find my dialect to make my jokes, you can find pictures of me.

Would I rather you use a reference every single time so that you can only strengthen your depiction of my people? ABSOLUTELY.

Anyone on the Internet telling you not to use a reference or that you shouldn’t need a reference? Unfollow them. You don’t need that negativity in your life. Why would you deprive yourself of a tool to create? The greatest portrait painters in history had to look at their subjects! You are not getting paid nearly as much to do this as Hans Holbein, and he had to stare at Henry VIII correct else lose his head- you can pull up multiple references. I’d far rather be judged for using hella references than be judged for being a racist!

Part of the issue is people draw what they’re used to, what they’re comfortable with (thus last lesson). But if what you’re used to is not what someone will look like… That’s not okay. Their features are not the issue, your skills are the issue. Learn! Practice! There is no rush. No one is rushing you to be perfect at drawing Black characters, and no one is rushing you to post them. You can just practice! If you’re not a professional, you can take as long as you need to draw! If you need to draw that piece of hair over and over until you feel like you have down the shape, you do that! If you need to use a tool that would draw the hair for you, you get that tool!

If you want to post, you can say you are practicing! If you make clear you are practicing, then be willing to accept that people may have feedback. I’d far rather deal with someone saying they’re unconfident and practicing, than someone posting a whitewashed caricature and closing their ears because “well at least I’m trying!”

2) Empathize! Care about actual Black people when you create a Black character!

Imagine, if you will, in the Twilight Zone: you went to an artist, and you asked for a white character (I typed in “regular looking white dude” on google). There’s hardly ever any white characters, you’re so super excited about this one! You paid good money, because you’ve seen just how amazing this artist creates! They’re so good at drawing characters of color! But no matter how many times you ask, they send you back an image of… Assad Zaman.

That man might be fine as hell! Gorgeous! Beautifully done! Chef’s kiss. Stunning! But… He’s not white. That’s not what you asked or paid for. You can’t even fathom how they mixed this up, they don’t even look alike! And when you confront them, they gaslight you, they call YOU the issue for not understanding how you can’t tell that this is a white man! They would never get this wrong! They have white friends, you’re the racist! But you’re not stupid, and you have functioning eyes- you can SEE what this drawing looks like! And… It’s not you.

It’s dehumanizing. It’s being told that there’s a “better way” to look like you, and that’s by… Not looking like you. You, as you exist, are what’s incorrect. Your identity is incorrect, not their drawing. It’s better to have thinner hair instead of an afro or locs, it’s better to have lighter skin, it’s better to have a straighter, thinner nose over a round one, and smaller lips.

And what makes it worse is knowing that people who don’t look like you? Probably won’t care. They won’t be willing to see- not unable, but unwilling- that playing with this caricature is harmful, that they’re propagating harm by not acknowledging it. They’re letting you know that your humanity means less to them than the clout received with a whitewashed or half-assed Black character, and that people will applaud them for that ‘attempt at inclusion’. And people will applaud! They will be entertained by the mere performance! And that hurts.

I’m going to say this, and it’s awkward and I try not to say it directly on here, but… Having Black friends and/or being around actual, real life Black people would help. I can tell from some of the questions I receive that Black characters and their traits- especially things like our hair and our cultures- are being treated as… alien concepts. But even if, for whatever reason, you legitimately don’t know any Black people, you do not need to know us individually to care about our humanity as a whole! Even if you do not know we’re there, we are, and we could possibly see your work!

By acknowledging Blackness and making room to understand what it means- and that includes how we can look- you are doing the bare minimum of acknowledging our personhood. If you cannot do even that, you don’t need to be drawing us.

Conclusion

Here’s the thing: if you want to draw a white man with tanned skin, do that. Just do it! You do NOT have to erase me to have more of you! There is not a single fandom where the majority of the white fans ever said “gee, not another white guy!” It simply doesn’t happen. God knows we wish it did sometimes. You will always have an audience for white characters. There’s no danger to any of you of “being erased”.

(Without putting on my political hat, I will say that a lot of white people who consider themselves to be far from white supremacist will express beliefs in line with great replacement theory if you push them hard enough. It is unfortunately not as uncommon an idea as you might think. I would do some self-evaluation.)

People are going to notice that you only ever draw white people, but… To be frank, that has never stopped anybody from being successful. Again, Jen Zee, at Supergiant with the terrible dark-skinned characters… Still has a job. at Supergiant. A professional studio. Dragon Age. Multiple games of consistent whitewashing and racist writing. Still going. If racism prevented creation and popularity, I wouldn’t have to have this blog. Alas, that is the society we currently live in.

But if you ACTUALLY want to depict Black characters, if you ACTUALLY want to do right and be respectful- not because you want the clout, but because it’s the right damn thing to do- then you need to commit! This means drawing them as they are meant to be! Accept that you’ll likely lose some fan base, who was there (whether they were aware of it or not) for the white and lighter skinned characters. Accept that this means that trying to appeal to those people by whitewashing characters is 1) wrong, 2) racist, which is 3) something you chose to do when you could simply have just… Drawn more white people.

I’ll say it again: antiracism is hard. It’s hard doing the right thing in a society that rewards racism so easily. It’s really hard knowing that people will stop supporting you or caring as much about your work when you start including Black characters as actively as you do white ones, especially if you start talking about the importance of it. But in my honest opinion, I’d far rather be someone that cared about others, with genuine fans, than someone that was racist for the fleeting internet clout of strangers. And that may be less ‘hopeful’ than I normally am in these lessons, but… People make choices. And people who have been informed- as you are now- are aware of the choices they are making. It’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers- let’s choose better actions.

[arminslovurrr]

choso who loves when u ride him, his rugged hands on ur ass as u grind ur cunt on his length. he’s a mess, his eyebrows furrowed as he immersed himself in the way u looked down at him like u owned everything that was him, his pillowy pink lips parted as whiny moans spewed out of his mouth like a fluid river. “fuh-fuckkkkk… u-ur so pretty baby mnghh..” he’d whine with his glossy eyes glued to ur pretty face. i mean, who wouldn’t be a wreck? the way u would move ur hips in a circular motion whilst still slamming ur self down onto his pelvis at an agonizing pace, the way u would every so often leaned down to peck his puffy lips n the way ur tough facade began to fade when his fat tip would slightly graze against ur g-spot. slowly losing himself everytime u would clench ur warm walls around his girth, it was all too perfect,even the part when u continued to ride him even though he had already spilled his thick silky cum into ur warmth.

he’d grip ur ass so tightly as he pushed himself impossibly deeper into ur heat, kissing ur cervix in the process just to spurt his creamy seed into ur womb, “awh choooo,” u whined as u slowed ur hips “that was alot, no? think you’ve been pent up, huh?” you teased as he nodded his head profusely. “s-shit, mhmm.. been so worked up angel..” he said as he wiped a bit of sweat off of his head. “then ya must have some more f’me, right?” u said tilting ur head to the right as u began to ride him again. “wha-what are you doin.. i just came, don’t have anymore f’yo- fuckk!!” he groaned softly when u bounced up n down on his thick cock, “shh it’s okay cho” you smiled at him, reaching a hand down to rub his rosy cheeks with ur thumb. digging his nails into ur hips as he tried to get u to let up on ur pace, “ple-easeeeee, c-can’t- hah fuckin take it babyyyy..” choso whimper as tears brimmed his waterline. not responding to him, u sped up ur pace, his sleepy looking eyes widening as he tosses his head back. if he wanted to say something, now he couldn’t, all words were stuck in his throat only letting a string of whines pass through.

“too much ‘s too much, gna cum f’you again baby!” he simpered as his hips involuntarily buck up to meet ur thrusts. it was so much, his eyes squeezed shut, biting his bottom lip in a attempt to stifle his moans- which did not work btw tears rolling down his pink cheeks,spilling his hot sticky cum into u once again as he cried out ur name. “fuck choso, ur cryin..” u watched in awe, ur hips slowing down to a maintainable pace so he could ride out his orgasm. once he came down from his high, he looked at u like u we’re a psychopath “u almost rode me to death, i mean it felt good but i felt like i was dying!” he said dramatically as he stared up at u, watching a smile form on ur face. his theory of u being a mad woman checked out when u said “chooo, i still haven’t cum yetttt, think you can go again?” ur say batting ur eyelashes,putting on the most irresistible face u could. u knew u won when he threw his head back into the pillow with a groan. he just couldn’t resist u n u knew it!

a/n: hiii guysss, i just wanted to whip up something real quick so im sorry for any spelling mistakes n stuff !!

© arminslovurr 2024, do not copy, translate or alter my work in any way.