#and even when i was mad at him on jihyun's behalf i still understood him

[carmenlire]

I can’t get Jaewon and the eighth sense out of my head because i see so much of myself in him. The way he’s always there for his friends, even to the detriment to himself. and it doesn’t have to be anything tragic. it’s going out and getting drunk and putting on that mask every day. it’s getting out of your own head long enough to realize that your friend is going through it and you need to care.

i’ve only watched it once but it’s in the way depression can, occasionally, manifest as a sort of manic episode. like you’re so empty and numb but 1) you can’t let anyone find out 2) you decide you’re going to be better. just like that, through sheer force of will. and so Jaewon smiles brightly and meets with friends and greets teachers and does a bang-up job of acting like he’s perfect he’s fucking perfect but inside there’s just nothing there. or maybe it’s not that there’s nothing there-- it’s that there’s so much but he can’t access it, he’s afraid to touch it because if he does then it will overwhelm him.

Jaewon has a lot of trauma and circumstances that definitely didn’t help his mental health but Jihyun was the breath of fresh air he desperately needed. and not in a Jihyun saved Jaewon kinda way but in the way that this new person broke up the monotony, showed him it was okay to reach out for help that, there was at least one person he didn’t have to hide from.

and just-- 10/10 to this show for showing that Jaewon very much struggles with depression-- he takes antidepressants, he sees a therapist, and even with those tools (and Jihyun) he isn’t magically cured. he can still sink low. that this kinda shit is cyclical and you can try your best but it can still be hard, you can still suffer, you will still have to drag yourself back up from underwater. but you can do it. because you’ve done it before.