#and even when crystal and niko came to save edwin

[mysweetoddbird]

i think we shouldve gotten a shot of Charles when Edwin was calling out to him in the finale because like god. can you imagine. hes just gone to hell to drag Edwin back out and now Edwin's calling out to him and clearly expecting him to come for him and all Charles can do is sit there. fuck

[tititilani]

I can't stop thinking about if Simon had taken Edwin's offer

Like Charles finds Edwin in the hallway as ever but this time there's another boy there too, cowering against the wall next to him. Maybe the dollhead spider doesn't care about Simon, too busy focusing on its favorite target, so Charles is left standing in the hallway with Simon when Edwin is taken.

They get out of hell, but Edwin doesn't confess due to Simon hovering behind his elbow. He doesn't want to confess his emotions in front of his killer, who he probably hasn't even properly figured out how he's feeling towards yet.

The Night Nurse is pissed they came out with an extra soul but Niko's same loophole still applies and Simon stays.

"This is Simon," Edwin says when it's all said and done, finally introducing the boy that's been hiding behind him since the door closed. "He was a...classmate of mine."

"He saved me," Simon says, looking up at Edwin moony-eyed and Charles knows that look and something settles heavy in his stomach.

"Glad to have ya, mate," he tells him even though the words taste sour. This other boy knew Edwin when he was alive, the thought is slightly terrifying to him.

Simon settles in fine with the agency even if the agency feels a little crowded now with five people in it but he continues to moon over Edwin and Edwin just...never tells anyone how they actually knew each other. He reasons it just doesn't matter, that he can't find the right time, whatever.

Charles never really warms up to him, though he tries to hide it, but he sees the looks Simon gives Edwin, a soppy smitten look that is somehow worse than anything Monty or the Cat King ever tried with Edwin because of all of them, Simon arguably knows the most about like Edwardian courting. That, like Edwin, Simon has also survived hell. Charles hates the idea that someone could potentially understand Edwin more than he does.

He hates it so much that nothing further happens between him and Crystal because the idea of Edwin being left alone with Simon bothers him so much. He sees Simon adjusting Edwin's collar one (1) time and it makes him feel sick.

And then there's the fortune-teller.

They only go to her sometimes for cases because she never fails to freak Charles out but her prophecies tend to be accurate like 60% of the time which is pretty good for a fortune teller. She looks at the two of them at the end, because it is just the two of them for once, and then looks just at Edwin.

"How kind you are," she says, the words a compliment but the tone snide. "To house your killer. Pray tell it doesn't come back to you."

"What." Charles says. "The fuck."

Charles is furious, of course, and it takes Edwin a long time to talk him out of smashing Simon's face in with the new cricket bat.

"He's like me," he insists in that quiet but firm voice. Charles wants to scream that Simon is nothing like Edwin - that he doesn't have a fraction of Edwin's kindness or pissiness, that his blue eyes are not nearly as beautiful as Edwin's green - but before he can even open his mouth, Edwin continues. "He...He likes boys, Charles. He likes me."

Oh. Oh.

Charles stares at Edwin who is looking back at him, trying and failing to hide the fact he's terrified, and Charles doesn't give one shit that Edwin likes boys because he's his best mate forever. He's still pissed that Simon is apparently staying but he has to hug Edwin at that. "I'm still pissed you didn't tell me about him," is all he says, swallowing back the other words he wants to say.

Charles grows even more paranoid about Simon being around, who has to get used to the fact that Charles takes to swinging his cricket bat ominously every time he comes within ten feet of Edwin. He finds out that adjusting clothing was an Edwardian courting thing and wants to break something. The very idea the very person who killed his best mate is now trying to put the moves on said best mate pisses him off.

It also makes him think of numerous times Edwin had readjusted his collar or jacket in the past and it makes his non-existent stomach flip.

Eventually, Simon decides he's ready to move on to his after-life and Charles keeps his hands from fisting when he looks at Edwin with that same soppy look. He knows Edwin has forgiven Simon by now but Charles has always been better at holding a grudge and he knows what is going to come out of Simon's mouth before he even asks. He knows that if Edwin says yes, he won't stop him.

Charles also knows that if Edwin does, there is no way he is going to find any kind of his own afterlife.

"You could come with me," Simon says hopefully and the moment after is the longest in Charles' life.

"Thank you, Simon," Edwin says kindly and Charles has to keep himself from crying. "But I have no interest in going anywhere without Charles."

He steps back - away from Simon and back towards Charles. Ears suspiciously pink, Edwin links their hands and they watch as Simon follows the Night Nurse.

[emi-the-gremlin]

Follow up to my Palasakiweek post: it’s the alive boys:D

POV me while drawing this: “wow this sure is going great!” gets to the hands

Immediately starts fucking screaming

No but I swear to God, if you even so much as fucking look at the hands, I will come for you, and boil your fucking eyeballs when you least expect it.

Ok now to actually get to the point, instead of whatever the fuck that was:

I’ll start with a few short details, I didn’t include in the original, and then I’ll go onto the design, cool? Cool.

This first, one was probably pretty easy to guess, but I completely forgot to mention it in the original, so I’ll say it anyway, just to make sure we’re all one the same page: Charles will obviously not be able to see the girls in the beginning, not until he goes through his “canon death” , which Edwin and the girls obviously save him from. But this time instead of classmates, they’re other boys from the home (who do get arrested and kicked out this time:D)

On the subject of Charles, I think he’d have a very similar character arc to Niko with the letters from her mom, just with a very different context, obviously.

Now onto Edwin, I never really thought about why he could see ghosts, but I’m thinking maybe he’s from a long line of witches or something? Since that would both preserve his magical skill from canon, but also explain his interest in the occult.

Lastly, I really just wanted to talk about how funny I find the whole memory thing in its current state, because I just imagine Sa’al yoinking Eds memories, and then immediately fucking the hell off (being banished by Crystal)

Design:

Edwin: I started with the simple vision of a sweater –I don’t know why, but every time I draw that boy I have the uncontrollable urge to put him in knitwear, and this time that urge won out– then I went onto shoes, and I knew I wanted to do something different this time, so I thought about it, and came to the conclusion that ballet flats would be perfect both because they fit well with his whole vibe, but more then that I feel like a modern Edwin would definitely take the opportunity to express his femininity more. And with that thought in mind I obviously had to give him some earrings. And then I added the little lace detail onto his collar, because…ok I don’t know, it was cute, sue me!

Charles: most of Charles’ outfit is already pretty timeless, so really I just tried to differentiate his outfit enough from the original, without losing the core of it. Also I gave him a messenger bag, for no other reason then I really like messenger bags. In addition to that I gave him my shoes, because they kind of reminded me of one of his pins, and they’re hella cute ‘nough said.

[iamthezip]

Charles Rowland Exploration

I have a question for the Dead Boy Detective fandom. A fun exploration of character psychology and development.What would Charles Rowland be like if he wasn't "saved"? 

For context, I've read a lot of Alive Boy AUs. I've seen some where both boy save each other from their respective "deaths". I've mostly seen ones where Edwin has lived through the "prank sacrifice" and whatever non-Hell bad came out of it and is around to save Charles in the attic from freeing to death. Lastly, I've seen a few where both boys have survived their ordeals and met each other afterwards. And this is the scenario I've been thinking about. (I'm gonna add here that I've thoroughly enjoyed every Alive Boy fic I've read. My question is because my brain likes to go down rabbit holes, not because I'm criticing or criticizing any fic I've read).In the context of the show, we see Edwin's reaction to his trauma and not being "saved". I feel like his dislike and distrust of the living is in part due to how he died and that no one cared enough to stop it, to save him. Plus, adding in his childhood. We know he has a fear of dolls. We know he's hypervigilant about Hell - aside from Niko's death, Edwin is always the first to mention the need to get away before Death comes. This is often carried over into fics. Alive Boy Edwin usually is written with a PTSD response to his near-death - nightmares, hypervigilance, distrust, withdrawal from social engagement, etc. Sometimes even a fear of having the door unlocked or fear of being tied down/grabbed. 

In the context of the show, we never seen Charles who wasn't "saved". I'm putting quotation marks here because I don't mean saved as in death prevented. In the show, Charles still dies, but I feel like Edwin still saves him in a way. Charles experienced betrayal by everyone meant to care for him and protect him. His father, his friends, his school - covering up his death definitely counts as betrayal even if it happened after the fact. But at the moment of his death, a stranger appears and is kind. A boy who spent 70 years in Hell after being sacrificed by his classmates, and who has every reason to be the worst person ever, decides to be kind - to keep him company, to get him extra blankets and a lantern, to read to him. It doesn't even end there. Charles isn't alone after his death as Edwin was. Charles has Edwin at his side, and he can trust Edwin in a way he couldn't trust others because Edwin was there for him. He didn't take advantage of Charles being weak from cold or unable to smile and talk his way out of trouble. He didn't have anything to gain by helping Charles, and Charles would later learn that hanging around a dying person was a risk to Edwin. So Charles isn't alone after his death and is with someone he feels he can trust. To add to that, Charles has a purpose (protecting Edwin from Hell and solving cases, however long it took them to get to that). This also gives Charles a direction for any anger/rage and also a reason to keep up the smile. "Keep up spirits for all of us" is what Charles tells Crystal. Yes, Charles still has his trauma responses - see the entirety of ep 3-5. Those responses are almost entirely tied to his father's abuse, though. We don't necessary see if he has a trauma response to his death. I know the fandom headcanons things like a fear of water/drowning, being cold when he's weak/injured/drained, etc. But we don't explicitly see the response to his friends and school betraying him very much, aside from a couple reactions mainly in Edwin's "we didn't matter". So the Charles we see in the show is the result of a boy who died after being betrayed again and again but was "saved" by another.

Now, take that away. Take away Edwin and his kindness and the purpose he gave Charles. Take away that safety and that outlet and that reason to keep smiling. What happens then? Would he still try to be always smiling? Would the anger and rage by at the tip of his tongue and his fist always ready to throw? Would he even be willing to try to befriend Edwin when they eventually meet? 

What would Charles Rowland be like if he wasn't "saved"?(Please bare in mind, this whole thing was typed at 2 am cause I couldn't sleep until I got it out of my head.)

[helphowdoiusethis]

When will you admit you are wrong?

It's not often that Edwin and Charles find themselves in the situation where a fight had been so petty that it created the need to apologise in quite a way that warranted a dance that the pair created five years into their thirty year existence after one case that left Edwin rather pissed off with the other.

"Do you not understand how completely stupid you are Charles! In these five years have you not learned, your impulsive actions will end with" but Charles had cut him off like he was fed up with the constant bringing up of hell; at least when not asked.

"One of us getting taken by death, I know Edwin, I know mate." Charles groans and flops onto their relatively newly acquired sofa thankfully not through the thing, not that Charles had a direct date of when it was gotten he lost count of the days about four months into his first year with Edwin when the lines of days and nights had blurred.

Edwin has frowned, it’s not alright for Charles to just know! Charles is not the one going back to hell if Death catches them; he had been sure to inform the younger just how terrible hell was at every inquirer that the not long dead ghost had looked for.

Charles sighs and looks up at the older boy and with a slight eye roll, he speaks “What? Do you want me to say I was wrong for protecting us?”

Edwin only simply nodded and tagged on a quite simple statement of, “and do a little dance while you're at it”

And that, that was how the ‘I was wrong’ dance was formed.

It was at the time a better way for the pair to communicate the dislike for their new found friend putting themselves in danger during cases for the other; it was mates worrying about mates after all. Anytime after the twentieth year that they had been partners, the reason for the dance changed it went from being consumed about the other with the introduction of communication; albeit limited but communication no less it had shifted to a petty more ridiculous nuance of change throughout the further years.

When Crystal and the journey to Port Townsend had taken place, Edwin had been the first to do the dance on the roof of the tongue and tail butchers, expertly doing the splits half way through the designed choreography which had been added about 4 years prior; that Edwin himself inputted after Charles had complained about the ease in which he was able to follow the choreography now after so long. When Edwin looked up through his thick eyelashes into Charles’s eyes and he had seen the familiar smirk that Charles wore now many times over the years. Charles had gone after; he had possessed a witch after all and while nothing had happened Edwin was still very mad. Both the dead boys with something they were willing to admit that they were wrong over and it wasn’t like Edwin ever tired hearing that he was right not when Charles has to of his own fruition bow down further than necessary with a “you were right” echoing out into the space between the pair.

The second instance of the dance whilst in port Townsend came not even twenty four hours later after saving Niko from the spirits. Edwin had of course done the dance for the fact that he had felt so much guilt over the ‘’wrong’’ action for performing magic on a cat and scaring Charles very very much when he had been taken by the Cat King for hours. Charles had danced for the sake of breaking the vessel in a successful attempt to save Edwin from a skeleton and Crystal had added after she had seen Edwin dance; that Charles had almost let the spirits possess her despite the many apologies that Charles had given after the fact.

Crystal and Niko had been privy to seeing the dance that time as Charles had addressed the reason but not the reason for why the dance existed at all or how in everyone’s name that Edwin did the splits and why Charles himself had bowing over more than necessary for two best-mates to see; that was waved off with a laugh and a pat to Edwin’s back.

After the Devlin house no dance was done much to Charles’s chagrin, he had been wrong for attempting to hit Mr. Devlin and getting trapped in the loop, losing his cool was something Charles did not do often not in the way that the Devlin house had made him mad and touched too raw nerves that hadn’t been viewed or even thought of since his death all those years ago.

Charles had sounded more devastated when he spoke, something that Edwin had consciously decided to ignore the sad, wounded look that had afflicted the normally sunshine smiling boy’s face.

“You need not apologise Charles. Anyone would have had that reaction if their father was..” Old British sensibility taking hold and reigning over the way that he wanted to explain that Charles need not apologise or do that ridiculous dance that they had made for not apologising and avoiding the actual issues at hand, not communicating in a healthy way. Charles did not need to apologise for this, for the fact that he had lost his cool in response to trauma - not when Edwin had done the same at Crystal three days prior and had been doing so whenever the risk of Death taking them away was an issue.

Charles had a rebuttal “but I almost got us taken by Death, mate” ignoring his trauma over, well his father.

“You did nothing of the sort Charles, you do not need to do the dance. So leave it at that, okay?” Edwin had been quick to stop Charles’s spiral; into his wrong thought about everything had taken place. This was something the younger had done before, not in a while but he had done this before the older knew that.

Charles had at that moment, slumped over slightly before correcting his posture in the most rigid way that the Edwardian ghost had seen, before Charles had gone back to normal with his sunshine smile plastered back in place.

It had been difficult after the Night Nurse had gone over the cliff after Charles had kicked her over. Charles had been ahead of the group from the moment that they had begun to return to the tongue and tail butchers from the lighthouse, silent in a way that had even Niko avoidant in checking in on Charles apart for glancing at him before at Edwin. Crystal and Edwin had spoken in silence almost in a way that seemed too odd for the pair but as the worry that Charles had spiked over the last two days, caused their banter to become more easy and those glances to be able to be passed.

The dance hadn’t been done, not when the group had returned to the butcher shop and separated into pairs, the girls with the boys after quick reassurances of trust had been shared between the boys and Edwin had stared at Charles before following Niko through the door and Charles and Crystal had shared kisses in an attempt to forget the day.

There was nothing wrong, nothing to ‘’apologise’’ for nothing that the boys had felt was due at the time.

The case of the two dead dragons, it had taken too much out of both Charles and Edwin those boy’s had ruined peoples lives just like how they had had their lives ruined at their deaths. Edwin had apologised; after returning from his rather awkward way that his conversation had ended with Monty and the new level of understanding that his feelings had taken on around Charles, about the tackles way in which he asked Charles to leave from the grave yard that day but not for asking Charles leave no that to him was the best choice with the ghost and the days prior.

When Charles had admitted that he was wrong for the way in which he had put on edge Edwin; apologising to Crystal while Edwin had been out. The almost sinful way in which Charles had looked up at the Edwardian ghost through his eyelashes with a “you were right..” whispered out into the air Edwin had almost lost composure in that instant, looking back and down on Charles, saying less through sarcasm and more through a wave of heavy ‘joy’.

Based on a post by @idliketobeatree

[ghostinthelibrarywrites]

tell them I was loved

A Dead Girls Detective AU for @palasakiweek based on the fic idea I talked about here. You can read it below or here on AO3.

Prompts: Dead Girl Detectives, Rescuing, Love Confessions

Words: 6K

Rating: M

Warnings: Canon-typical depictions of Hell and its horrors; David being the worst

Relationships: Crystal/Niko with background Edwin/Charles

Summary: Thirty-five years after escaping Hell and founding the Dead Girl Detectives with Niko, Crystal is dragged back down to Hell by David. She's not expecting Niko to come after her, but Niko has always liked to surprise her.

***

If there’s one thing that Crystal Palace can be certain of, it’s that Niko Sasaki doesn’t belong in Hell.

Even on that first night in the dark, damp attic of a dormitory at St. Hilda’s, when Niko was feverish, slipping in and out of delirium, and scared, she was everything Crystal hadn’t experienced in seventy-three long years: sweet and kind and wanting nothing from Crystal but companionship. The pink lights surrounding her turned out to be the dandelion sprites that would kill her, but sometimes, Crystal looks at her and almost thinks she can still see them.

She thought Niko was the most beautiful person she’d ever seen that night. She can’t believe it took her thirty-five years of working side-by-side to realize she was in love with her.

So it makes no sense that Niko is standing at the edge of Fraud’s mass of writhing snakes, her bright pink dress and white hair seeming to glow in the darkness as much as the lantern in her hand. And she’s smiling, like they aren’t surrounded by bloodthirsty snakes and screaming human souls, like she didn’t just walk through seven circles of Hell to get to Crystal.

And despite the pain, terror, and grief that’s gripped her since David dragged her back to Hell, Crystal finds herself smiling back. She staggers to her feet and stumbles forward, reaching out…

And a snake’s jaws close over her head.

***

Niko finds her huddled against the wall of the pit what might be a minute or an eternity later, after she’s turned into a giant snake then back into another human. This was always Crystal’s least favorite level of Hell, even worse than the pools of blood of Violence or the burning tombs of Heresy. She hates the moments where she’s a snake and all she can feel is the urge to find and bite someone, to pass on the pain and the bloodlust to someone else.

It reminds her of her time at St. Hilda’s too much.

Niko isn’t smiling anymore when she finds her. Instead, her eyes are wide and shocky. There’s a splatter of blood on her cheek. Crystal wants to wipe it off, but she can’t bear to touch her, not so soon after burying her fangs in another soul’s throat.

“Crystal?” Niko whispers, gripping her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

The inside of Crystal’s mouth tastes like blood. It’s the first thing she’s tasted in over thirty years. “What are you doing here?’

“I came to save you.”

“You don’t belong here.”

“Neither do you.” Niko places the lantern on the ground between them, just like Crystal put it next to her to keep her warm all those years ago.

Crystal’s throat feels tight and her eyes burn. “How did you find me?” Because David always liked to move her from level to level, snatching her away as soon as she became inured to one form of punishment or he just got bored. She could have been anywhere in Hell.

“I figured he would have put you in one of the levels that would hurt you the most. So Wrath or Fraud, where you have no choice but to hurt other people. And Fraud is a lot lower, so…” Niko shrugs, looking pleased with herself. “But all these snakes weren’t here when I got here. Where did they come from?”

“You have to truly see Hell before you can see all its horrors.” Crystal mimics the long-ago lesson she learned, just as a terrible thought strikes her. “The boys didn’t come with you, did they?”

She can’t see Charles letting Niko walk into Hell without him, especially not after watching Crystal get snatched away by her demonic ex-paramour, and Edwin seems to go wherever Charles goes these days. But they’re both human, both alive, and even with Charles’s psychic abilities and cricket bat, they wouldn’t stand a chance down here. The denizens of Hell would rip them apart with their bare hands.

“No, they wanted to come with me, so I locked them in a closet and told the Night Nurse to keep an eye on them.”

“You locked them in a closet ?”

Niko nods, a wicked little smile playing across her lips. “Maybe they’ll finally kiss?”

Despite the horror and fear, Crystal finds herself smiling. Because Niko is still Niko, even down here. “You need to go, Niko.”

Niko’s face falls. “Not without you.”

“You can escape.”

“So can you. You did it before.”

“I escaped from Avarice. There’s no getting out of here. I tried last time. You don’t belong down here, so they might let you go, but not if you’re trying to help a soul escape.”

“But you were alone last time.” Niko reaches into her pink Hello Kitty backpack and pulls out a Molotov cocktail. “And Charles sent me with supplies.”

Crystal’s eyes widen at the sight of Niko’s delicate hand wrapped around the burning bottle. It’s unexpectedly hot.

“On three,” Niko says.

“Niko—”

Niko talks over her. “One. Two.”

Crystal clambers up on legs that don’t feel like they’ve fully recovered from being transformed into a snake.

“Three.”

The Molotov cocktails arcs in the air, landing among the writhing snakes, and Crystal and Niko run.

***

They make it through the lakes of blood in Violence, the burning tombs of Heresy, and are almost clear of the violent mob in Wrath when David finds them. Crystal is yanking Niko out of the way of a large man whose hands are cracked and twisted from all the punches he’s thrown, his face contorted in a grimace of pain and rage, when she sees David standing next to a pair of woman who are trying to choke the life out of each other. He’s smiling, but it’s not bright and joyous like Niko’s smile.

“Did you really think you could get away from me again, Crystal?” he calls.

Crystal can barely hear him over the buzzing pressure in her head, the pressure that will only let up if she lashes out at something. Next to her, Niko is hunched over, her hands covering her ears ineffectually. “I did it before!”

“You got lucky.” David meanders towards her, taking his time, like he already knows how this will end and so there’s no need to hurry.

“She’s been outsmarting you for thirty-five years,” Niko says with fierceness Crystal rarely hears from sweet, smiley friend. “That’s not luck. She’s just stronger than you.”

David’s lip curls when he looks at Niko. “I’m so glad you’re here too, Niko. The Dead Girl Detectives. I’m going to watch both of you break over and over again and then I’m going to pop up to Port Townsend. Maybe I’ll possess your little friend with the cricket bat and make him snap his prissy boyfriend’s neck. What do you think of that, Crystal?”

Niko presses something into Crystal’s hand. She doesn’t have to look down to know what it is: a grenade. She’s going to have to talk to Charles about shoving all his weapons in the Hello Kitty backpack. Crystal keeps it close to her, hidden in the folds of her nightgown, and steps forward.

“You’re not going to touch me,” she tells him. “You’re not going to touch any of them. Never again, David. I’m stronger than I was when you first took me to Hell.”

“And yet, here you are again.” David shakes his head, wearing that infuriating smirk. “Poor Crystal. You think a pretty face and a sharp tongue is enough to protect you from me? All you are is a dead, decomposing bitch who thinks having friends is enough to—”

Crystal doesn’t let him finish, because she’s busy throwing the grenade in his smug fucking face. 

The violence makes the pressure in her head diminish for a blissful moment as David stumbles back, screaming. He collides with the large man with the busted fists, who doesn’t even seem to notice that David is on fire before he begins whaling on him, massive hands raining down on him. Niko grabs Crystal’s hand and drags her away through the mob.

When they reach the bank vaults of Avarice, filled with people being crushed under the weight of the treasures they’re grasping for, it’s a relief. Upper Hell is still Hell, but she’s gotten Niko away from the most gruesome of the torments. Thesy struggle out of Avarice—even the air seems heavy here—through Gluttony and into Lust, and finally make it to Limbo. Crystal doesn’t look at any of the frozen faces. There’s nothing she can do for these people.

“I don’t understand.” Niko stops in front of a boy who looks about their age. Crystal can instantly see why she stopped; he looks a bit like Charles, though he’s not as tall and his ears are the wrong shape. The boy is whimpering softly, tears rolling down his motionless cheeks. “This is where souls go when they don’t belong in Heaven or Hell, right? So why are they suffering? What did they do to deserve it?”

“No one down here deserves this,” Crystal tells her tiredly. “They’re not being actively tortured here and that’s Hell’s version of mercy. There’s nothing we can do for them. Come on, we need to keep moving. A grenade won’t slow David down for long.”

Niko lets her drag her away, even though she throws one last, sad glance back at the crying boy.

Crystal almost weeps in relief when she reaches the staircase. It’s not safety; she can’t count the times David found her here during her first stint in Hell. But it means they’re close. Niko goes first, her hand still gripping Crystal’s, like she’s afraid she’ll turn around to find that Crystal has vanished into thin air like Eurydice. Crystal squeezes her fingers reassuringly as they begin to climb the stairs. She’s not going anywhere, not if she can help it.

She remembers the first time she climbed these stairs, wondering if there was truly a door at the top, or if this was just another torture and she would keep climbing forever. They seem to stretch on for an eternity above them, but the walk feels less endless when she has Niko’s hand in hers and Niko’s white hair glowing and pink dress glowing like a beacon in front of her. They lost the lantern at some point; Crystal thinks Niko may have used it as a bludgeon in Wrath. Maybe some other poor soul will pick it up and use it to guide themselves out of Hell. Crystal likes that idea.

They climb and they climb and they climb until Crystal manages to work out the muddle of thoughts and feelings she’s been drowning in ever since she saw Niko standing on the other side of Fraud’s snake pit. “Why did you come?”

Niko looks over her shoulder, frowning with confusion, like she doesn’t understand the question. “Because you’re my best friend.”

“You could have gotten stuck down here forever.”

“I know.” Niko shrugs. “But I would have been stuck with you, so it would have been okay.”

“Okay?” Crystal freezes mid-step, staring up at her in dismay. Suddenly, the exhaustion, fear, and anger all seem to bubble up at once. “You knew you could have spent an eternity trapped in Hell, but you thought it would be okay? Niko, you saw what happens down there. None of that is okay! How could you risk your eternal soul for—”

“For you.” There’s a stubborn set to Niko’s jaw that reminds Crystal of the Great Mummy Escape of ‘99. “I wasn’t just going to leave you down here.”

“You don’t belong—”

“Neither do you!” Niko’s voice rises with indignation, echoing off the stone walls. “Crystal, after all this time, do you really think you belong in Hell?”

Crystal swallows back the tightness in her throat. They were supposed to be talking about Niko, not her. “David possessed me for a reason. I was cruel and selfish and—”

“And you were sixteen.” Niko fully turns to face her, taking Crystal’s other hand in hers and squeezing both of them. “You’ve spent three decades saving people. You saved me.”

“I didn’t,” Crystal says, because there was no way she could have. She hadn’t even known what was wrong with Niko until the dandelion sprites burst their way out of her.

“I wasn’t scared when I was dying. I had a friend for the first time in what felt like forever.” Niko smiles shyly. “You couldn’t stop me from dying, but you saved me from being alone. And how many times have you saved me since then?”

Crystal has no good answer for that.

“Come on.” Gently, Niko tugs her forward. “We need to keep moving. I think we’re close. Oh, look, there’s Maxine. We are close!”

They skirt around Jenny’s dead stalker, who sits in a circle of torn up love letters, whispering frantically to herself. With every step, Crystal should be relieved, but instead, a panicky sense of running out of time starts closing over her. Once they get through the door and return to Port Townsend, they’re going to have to deal with the Night Nurse. And even if she doesn’t drag them off to the Lost and Found Department, there’s Esther Finch and the Cat King and so much other shit they need to deal with. Crystal feels like she’s standing on the precipice of something and if she waits too long to jump, there will be no second chances.

She stops again. “Niko.”

A step above her, Niko turns around with wide eyes, looking as exasperated as Crystal has ever seen her. “Crystal, we’re so close!”

“I know.” Crystal smiles up at Niko, the first person who ever loved her unconditionally, the girl who brought light to her existence after seventy-three years in Hell, her best friend, her partner. If anyone deserves to know how loved she is, it’s Niko. Maybe this will go nowhere. Maybe it will make things so awkward Crystal will have no choice but to flee to some far-flung corner of the world. But she has to try.

“Everything that’s happened in the past few weeks has made me think,” Crystal says. “I’ve realized some things about myself. Some things I never let myself think about before, because I died in 1916 and—”

“It’s okay.” Niko nods, expression solemn. “I know.”

Crystal blinks. “You do?”

“Jenny is super pretty and kind of scary. Not my type, but I can see why you’d like her.”

“ What ?” Crystal’s indignant shriek echoes off the walls around them. “You think I have a crush on Jenny? The butcher? She’s twice my age!”

“When you think about, she’s actually young enough to be your granddaughter. Maybe even your great-granddaughter.”

Crystal decides to ignore that. “And she can’t even see me!”

“I know.” Niko sighs. “It’s romantic, isn’t it? The impossibility of it. The yearning.”

“There is no yearning.” Crystal closes her eyes. “Listen, I am not secretly harboring a crush on Jenny. I—”

“It’s not Charles again, is it? Because he and Edwin are so cute together and I really think you two are better as friends.”

“It’s not Charles.”

Niko’s nose scrunches up in a way that would be adorable if Crystal weren’t currently fighting the urge to scream. “Oh, do you like the Cat King? I was wondering what you spent all that time talking about. I guess he’s cute, but he lives in a cannery.”

“No,” Crystal says firmly, because at this rate, Niko’s going to accuse her of having a thing for Esther Finch next and then she’ll have to let herself plummet into the abyss below. “It’s you.”

“ I don’t like the Cat King.”

“Nobody likes the fucking Cat King!”

“Then—”

Crystal cuts her off before her best friend says something unforgivable. “Niko, I love you.”

Niko blinks, confused, then smiles. “I love you too, Crystal, but we should probably wait until we’re back in Port Townsend before we talk about whoever you’re crushing on.”

“No.” As Niko tries to pull her up the stairs, Crystal holds her ground. “I’m in love with you.”

Niko just stares at her, lips slightly parted, like she’s trying to speak, but can’t find the words.

“It’s okay,” Crystal adds quickly. “I don’t expect you to say it back. But, Niko, you’re the best person I know. The best friend I’ve ever had. You talk about how I saved you that night in the attic, but the truth is, you saved me. I’d forgotten what it was like to have people be kind to me. I’d forgotten that there were people who could be kind and then you were there and you stayed.”

Niko hasn’t let go of her hand. Crystal can feel that her fingers are trembling. “Do you mean it?”

Crystal huffs out a laugh. “Of course I mean it. I think I’ve loved you this whole time. I just didn’t know it, because it’s not like I ever had a healthy relationship to compare it to. But I love you so much, Niko. And if you don’t feel the same way, that’s fine. I just thought you should know.”

Niko only stares at her, looking very young and very unsure, and Crystal has the horrible sense that she may have broken something irrevocably. What if she’s changed everything between them? What if Niko can’t move past this? What if she’s horrified to have someone like Crystal, someone irrevocably tainted by Hell, in love with her? Crystal knows that she’s prickly and selfish and a little mean. She just never considered those would be reasons for Niko not to love her.

“Niko,” she whispers. “I—”

Niko closes the distance between them and kisses her.

It’s far from the most graceful kiss. Surprise almost sends Crystal stumbling backwards and it’s only Niko’s hand in hers that stops her from knocking Maxine over like a bowling pin. She’s pretty sure her mouth still tastes like blood and Hell is permeated with a sulfuric stench that’s not exactly romantic, but she doesn’t care, because she’s kissing Niko Sasaki, and how could she care about anything else?

In Hell, she can feel Niko, not just the tingling energy she usually feels when she touches her, but warm skin and silky hair. Niko’s hands slide around her waist and Crystal can feel the warmth of her palms through the thin fabric of her nightgown. Crystal tangles one of her hands in that silky white hair and runs the other down the line of Niko’s back, wanting to drink in every detail, lest she forget it as soon as they emerge back into the real world. Niko lets out a little gasp when Crystal’s hand lands on her hip and Crystal wants nothing more than to hear that sound again. 

Except, they’re still in Hell.

Crystal forces herself to pull away. Niko’s cheeks are flushed and her hair is disheveled and the urge to swoop in for another kiss is overwhelming, but Crystal only has to hear Maxine’s frantic whispering nearby to remind her where they are and what the consequences will be if they get caught. “We should—”

“ Crystal.” The sing-song voice floating up below turns the blood in Crystal’s veins to ice. “Did you think you could run from me?”

“Go.” Crystal doesn’t look back to see how close David is, just shoves Niko forward. Hand in hand, they stumble upwards, running as fast as their legs will carry them.

“I don’t think I’m going to send you back to one of the levels this time,” David calls. “I think I’m going to devise your very own torture, Crystal. It will be watching me kill your girlfriend over and over again. Maybe that will finally teach you what happens when you fuck with me.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Crystal says, speaking more to herself than to Niko. “He’s not touching you.”

“We’re almost there!” Niko says and when Crystal looks up, she sees a door high above them, a figure silhouetted in the doorway.

“Girls, do hurry!” the Night Nurse calls.

“Does it look like we’re not hurrying?” But Crystal forces herself to run faster, even though it makes her legs ache and her lungs burn like they haven’t in decades.

The Night Nurse’s only response is a trilling noise like a tea kettle. Behind them, David’s taunts are getting closer and more descriptive. Crystal blocks him out, trying to focus on the doorway above and Niko’s hand in hers. There are now two figures standing behind the Night Nurse. Charles and Edwin. She thinks she hears Charles calling her and Niko’s names, but she can barely hear over the blood rushing in her own ears and David’s mocking voice.

“If you escape, I’ll just find you and drag you back down again!” David shouts. “You belong in Hell, Crystal. Deep down, you know it. You’ll always come back to me, because who else will have you?”

No one liked Crystal when she was alive. She was mean and vindictive and took out her aching loneliness on the classmates who looked down on her from the moment she stepped foot in St. Hilda’s Finishing School. They would never accept her, so she took it on herself to make their lives hell. She was so awful that it took weeks before anyone even realized she was possessed by a demon. Her own parents never even looked for her after the school covered up her death; they just went on to have a replacement daughter and moved on with their lives. Crystal wasn’t even worth mourning.

Niko’s grip on Crystal’s hand tightens, like she knows where Crystal’s mind is straying. “Me. I’ll have her. She doesn’t belong with you in Hell. She belongs with me.”

David shouts something else, something that’s surely foul, but Crystal doesn’t pay him any attention, looking up at Niko instead. She’s a Dead Girl Detective. She’s Niko’s friend, partner, and maybe more. Her parents may never have found it in themselves to mourn her, but Niko will if Crystal is dragged back down into the depths of Hell, so Crystal can’t let that happen. She can’t let David get in her head now, not after she’s spent so long blocking him out.

Besides, who cares if she was mean to her classmates back in 1916? They were all racist, classist assholes and probably deserved worse than the petty mind games Crystal played with them.

The door is right there, only steps away, close enough that Crystal can see the impatience in the Night Nurse’s expression and the fear in Charles and Edwin’s.

A hand encircles Crystal’s ankle and pulls. She falls, her hand slipping out of Niko’s, and crashes into the hard stone staircase. Her palms sting where they scrape the stone and the taste of blood in her mouth is stronger, but Crystal pays her discomfort no mind. She lashes out with her free leg, connecting with something solid. David grunts, but doesn’t let go.

“That’s right, bitch,” he says and she twists around to see him grinning down at her, his face mottled with burns from the grenade. “I’m going to make you scream your lungs out, you—”

A cricket bat hits him square in the face with a satisfying crunch. Crystal looks up, ready to start yelling, because if Charles really just walked into Hell… But no, it’s Niko standing there with Charles’s bat, face set in determined lines. She swings the bat again, connecting with David’s side, and he staggers, releasing his hold on Crystal’s ankle. She brings her foot up between his legs and that’s all it takes to send him tipping over the side into the darkness below, shrieking all the way.

“Come on.” Niko drags Crystal to her feet and pulls her up one step, two steps, three steps.

They stagger into Charles’s brightly lit apartment and Crystal falls forward, directly into Charles’s arms. He scoops her up into a hug that lifts her off her feet. If she had ribs, they’d probably be getting crushed right now. She can’t feel his embrace, but just knowing he’s there, as solid and dependable as ever, is reassuring.

“Bloody fucking hell,” he says into her hair. “You two scared the shit out of me.”

“I cannot believe you locked us in a closet,” Edwin says peevishly and Crystal looks over to see him hugging Niko, attempting to look very cross about the whole thing.

“Apparently, you two were going to follow Niko to Hell if she didn’t.” Crystal steps back from Charles, arms crossed over her chest, and glares between the two of them. “How fucking stupid can you be?”

“Oi,” Charles says indignantly. “One of my best mates got taken to Hell by her evil ex and the other one was going to follow. What was I supposed to do?”

“Stay here where you’re fucking safe!” Crystal nearly shrieks.

Charles shrugs, like his safety is of no importance. Crystal may actually kill him.

“How did you get out of the closet?” Niko asks, cutting Crystal off.

“Ah.” Edwin turns pink and tugs at his bowtie.

“I had to let them out,” the Night Nurse says severely. Crystal completely forgot she was there. She stands in front of the wall that was a portal to Hell the moment before, watching them with narrowed eyes. “I could not allow such shocking behavior to occur on my watch.”

“Shocking?” Crystal asks at the same time Niko squeals and demands, “Edwin, are those hickeys ?”

Edwin goes scarlet, which does nothing to hide the bruises trailing down the side of his neck.

“Sorry, mate.” Charles doesn’t even look a little sorry. “Guess I got carried away, didn’t I?”

“I would say so,” Edwin says severely.

Niko grabs Edwin’s hand. “Tell me everything. ”

The Night Nurse clears her throat sharply and Crystal’s nonexistent heart seems to sink into her stomach. “As delightful as this is,” the Night Nurse says in a tone that indicates that nothing about this is delightful. “A deal is a deal. Girls, it’s time to go. We can sort out the matter of your afterlife assignments at the Lost and Found Department.”

“A deal?” Crystal turns to Niko, who avoids her eyes.

“It was the only way she’d open the door to Hell,” Niko says softly.

Crystal reaches out and grabs her hand. “We have to stay together. After everything, you just can’t fucking separate us.” She can’t keep the desperation out of her voice. She’s finally realized what Niko means to her and she still has so many things she needs to say. She needs more time.

The Night Nurse smiles sweetly. “No decision has been made about your afterlife assignment as of yet, Crystal. I assure you, you and Niko will both end up exactly where you belong.”

“And what if where we belong is together?” Niko asks.

The Night Nurse lets out a gusty sigh. “I was hoping for a little more gratitude when I opened a portal to Hell, you know. Do you know how much paperwork I’m going to have to fill out? Now, chop, chop. You may have thirty seconds to say goodbye to your friends. I am not unreasonable.”

“I have a question.” Edwin steps forward and only then does Crystal realize he’s holding the Night Nurse’s book.

The Night Nurse groans. “Oh for heaven’s sake, what now?”

The thing about Edwin Payne is that Crystal hasn’t quite been able to figure out why Charles and Niko both act like rainbows and butterflies shine out of his asshole. Besides being a bit of a dick, it’s not like he can walk through mirrors, read minds, or even swing a cricket bat. He’s smart, but so is Niko. He can interact with the living, but so can Charles, who is way better with people. There’s really no reason to keep him around, but every time she says that to Charles or Niko, they act like she’s kicked a puppy.

Except, as Crystal watches Edwin argue with the fervor of a barrister making his closing argument in a courtroom drama that an obscure passage in the depths of the Night Nurse’s book means that she can’t take them away without filing a form, all she can feel is a reluctant sort of fondness. He’s clearly having the time of his life, complete with lots of hand gestures and dramatic little twirls whenever he feels like he’s made a good point. Charles looks like he may swoon; Crystal will have to tease him mercilessly later.

“Is that correct?” Edwin finally asks in the tone of someone who knows perfectly well that he’s correct and is daring anyone to argue, back ramrod straight and hands clasped behind his back.

The Night Nurse is white-faced and tight-lipped. If looks could kill, she’d be dragging Edwin off to the Lost and Found Department too. “You do appear to be correct.”

“Excellent.” Edwin hands her back her book. “Then do come back with the appropriate forms. Though if this is the standard the Lost and Found Department holds itself to, I can see why the ghosts of so many children slip through the cracks.”

Crystal snorts.

The Night Nurse draws herself up in outrage, then points at Crystal and Niko. “Don’t go anywhere.” Then she’s gone in a blink.

“Holy shit.” Crystal sags against Niko’s side. “Holy shit. ”

“Mate, that was amazing.” Charles slings an arm around Edwin’s shoulders.

Edwin shrugs, looking immensely pleased. “It was only simple reading comprehension.”

“She’s not taking us,” Niko whispers into Crystal’s neck.

“No, she’s not.” Crystal smooths her hand over Niko’s hair. She can’t feel the silkiness anymore, but after thirty-five years, her own ghostly form recognizes the energy of Niko’s. It tingles under her touch. On impulse, she pulls Niko into another kiss. This one is slow and sweet, without the franticness they shared on the steps of Hell. She can feel herself smiling stupidly into the kiss, giddy with the knowledge that she can do this now.

“Bloody finally,” she hears Charles mutter and looks around to see him grinning at them while Edwin stares determinedly at the ceiling, as mortified as if Crystal just started ravishing Niko right in front of them.

“It’s about time.” Charles closes the distance between them to pull Crystal and Niko into a hug. “Didn’t think you two would ever figure it out.”

“You’re one to talk,” Crystal mutters into his jacket.

“Only took me a few weeks. Took you lot thirty-five years and a trip to Hell. Wait, which one of you should I give the shovel talk to? Someone’s got to get the shovel talk, yeah?”

Crystal shoves him away without any heat. “Go help Edwin pack.”

Edwin arches an eyebrow at that. “And where am I going?”

“We have to get back to London before the Night Nurse comes back for us. We can come back to deal with Esther later. Obviously, you’re coming.”

His mouth drops open in surprise. “Crystal, I have school.”

“And Esther knows where you go to school and where you live, which is why you’re coming with us. There are schools in London.”

“I can’t just—”

“Mate, she’s right.” Charles takes Edwin’s hand. “It’s not safe for you here. Anyway, it’ll be brills. You can be a proper part of the Dead Girl Detectives.”

Crystal did not agree to that, but that’s something they can discuss when they’re safely out of this shit town.

Edwin looks like he might argue some more, but one glance at Charles—who has gone all wide-eyed and hopeful like a puppy dog—seems to be all the convincing he needs. “I suppose a short holiday in London wouldn’t be remiss.”

“Yay!” Niko claps her hands together. “Oh, this is going to be so fun! Edwin, we have so many books in the office. You’re going to love it!”

“Charles can tell Edwin all about the office while they’re packing.” Crystal gives Charles a pointed look.

He grins knowingly and steers Edwin towards the door. “She’s right, mate. This is going to be aces.” He hesitates at the door, looking back at them. “Just pretend I’ve given both of you a really convincing shovel talk, yeah?”

Crystal makes a rude hand gesture while Niko giggles.

The boys slip the door out hand in hand and Niko leans against Crystal. “What are the chances they’re just going to make out instead of pack?”

“High.” But Crystal doesn’t want to talk about Edwin and Charles; she’d rather talk about her and Niko. She turns to Niko, taking her hands. “When we get back to London, we should go out.”

Niko smiles. “Where would we go?”

“I have no idea.” Crystal has no idea what people do for dates in 2024, especially when those people are ghosts. It’s not like she can wine and dine Niko.

“We don’t have to.” Niko looks down at their joined hands.

“But I want to. I know you’ve always wished you got to have a real romance.” Niko is the most hopeless romantic Crystal knows, always getting misty-eyed over her mangas. The fact that she died without ever even being kissed is all the proof Crystal needs that the world is inherently bullshit.

“But I have.” Niko laughs softly. “Crystal, I’ve been in love with you since 1989.”

“ What? ”

Niko looks almost shy. “I was scared and sick and cold and then you brought me a lantern and kept me company. You were beautiful and you were so nice to me. And then I died and you showed me the ropes of being a ghost and you were so patient with me.”

“I’d been out of Hell for five minutes.” Crystal shakes her head. “I had no idea what I was doing.”

“But I didn’t know that then. You seemed so strong and brave and smart. I think I was in love with you within an hour or two. I didn’t think you loved me like that, but it didn’t really matter, because I got  to spend the last three decades with you and that’s all I ever wanted.”

Crystal bursts out laughing. “Sorry,” she says at Niko’s shocked expression, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her close. “Sorry. It’s just, we’re so fucking stupid.”

Niko begins to giggle, leaning her head against Crystal’s shoulder. “We figured it out.”

“After I went to Hell.”

“It was a really dramatic first kiss. Like something out of a movie.”

“There’s that.” Crystal presses a kiss to the shell of Niko’s ear. “At least we have forever to make up for missed time.”

Niko smiles at her, as bright and beaming as the lantern she brought with her to Hell. She’s right where she belongs, in Crystal’s arms, and Crystal feels like she might burst from happiness. “Forever.”

***

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, please consider leaving kudos and comments on AO3.

[tipsyscone]

for the dbd ask game: 2, 14, 21 ♡

2 - fave episode

Oh boy, probably episode 7! It has so many interesting character beats to me, and I get too distracted watching it when I have Dead Boys going in the background. To start with, I love Crystal's storyline starting with her being so adamant to also go to hell to save Edwin. We all know that their relationship has gotten off to a rocky start and I feel this really solidifies her care for Edwin and shows they have their own friendship outside of Charles. She is so worried about not knowing who she is that I feel she has failed to noticed she has already made her own found family.

The scenes with Niko and the Night Nurse really showcases Niko missing her dad and is another of great addition to the episode. For me it's the only explanation of why the group didn't wonder why Niko wasnt a ghost- she obviously passed on to be with her father, right? (Truly heartbreaking to me that they don't even know to look for her at this point.)

George Rexstrew's performance this whole episode is superb imo. The scene with Simon is so heartbreaking (shout out to Gabriel Drake!) and really hit me in the queer feels. I feel like many queer people have had that feeling when we are younger of being wrong, and to have these two boys help each other to move on healed something in me. Follow this up with THE STAIRCASE- the way Edwin's breath catches as he confesses and the fragile look on his face; the collar bone touch from Charles gets me every time. And I'm so thankful for Charles response. Payneland until I die, but it is perhaps the only pair I ship that if it stayed a QPR I would still be okay with it.

14 - plotline you would put into S2/any future season

I really want to see more Edwin and Crystal friendship and for them to pair up on a case together next season! I think it was an unappreciated duo and I would love to get to see them be mean girls together. I think they would be iconic verbally ripping apart a rude client.

I also need Monty to return asap. That poor little crow boy deserves another chance and I'm heartbroken that they just left him in that house. I hope he somehow becomes besties with Jenny- a crow and a goth together at last. I would also love if somehow Monty and the Cat King both came to London as a duo if we are to get cameos. It could work so well for them to have bonded in the absence of the other characters and now they need the dbda to take a case for them.

It would make my little heart so happy for Monty to get any happy ending but I hope he gets a boyfriend please and thank you.

21 - something in the show that made you happy

I really appreciate that the show made women fully fleshed out characters. It would have been easy for them to have Niko be the positive attitude character, but I think we can all relate to her a lot more knowing she struggles with fitting in and is dealing with the loss of a loved one. Jenny could have been all about the pithy oneliners, but instead we found out about her having to learn a business that was left to her by her father and her struggles to find people to connect to. Even the Night Nurse goes on a journey to learn empathy for humans. Truly a shout out to all the woman writers, actors and crew on this show for having such nuanced characters when other supernatural shows in the past haven't bothered.

Also I really love Kingham and Litty and I hope they stick around for awhile next season so I can enjoy more of their savagery. And maybe they can learn to not be dicks ❤️

Thanks for thinking of me @plutosheaven! I'm usually just the one screaming in the reblogs of everyone else's posts, but I want all of the artist and writers in the fandom to know I appreciate you and you're amazing!

[im-not-corrupted]

A short DBD fic about grief and mourning and dealing with loss after Niko's death.

------

He’s never had to grieve, not for anybody other than himself.

Even when it came to himself, he didn’t have much chance to do so. He was alive and then he died and then he was in Hell. There wasn’t much room for grief in Hell; there was only pain and terror that found its roots so deep he sometimes thinks he’ll never rid himself of it. Each time they close a case, aid some other ghost into taking Death’s hand, that fear takes him again.

I don’t want to go back, Edwin thinks each time, desperate to get as far away as he can. Who he pleads to, he doesn’t know. Death herself, perhaps, or some other force of the universe. Don’t send me back.

The fear has been easier to manage these days. Mostly, this is a product of Charles’s presence in his life. He will not go back because he will evade Death’s eyes and Charles will evade her too, and they are together.

They will be together. Will be for the rest of their afterlives, as Charles says to him.

It helps. He still gets that fear, that instinctual reaction that grips him when the air shifts and he can hear the beating of wings, distant but coming steadily closer. But then Charles is there and they are running and it is enough to shake that fear away.

But he has never had to grieve, is the point. When he was alive, his family were wealthy and did not have to deal with the horrors of his day as those who were…less well off had. His family were healthy, and then he was dead and his only friend after spending seventy three years in hell was Charles, and Charles has been dead since they met. (And when he realised he would be unable to return to the life he had after escaping Hell, well, it didn’t matter. He never had the greatest relationship with his family, and he found Charles almost immediately. It soothed whatever grief he felt to know he had somebody, that he was no longer alone.)

It is not the same now. Now, they know people who are alive.

At least, they know Crystal. And they knew Niko, who is no longer alive.

Hence the grief.

Edwin has not had somebody die in defence of him before. He never even considered the idea that somebody would go to such lengths for him; never wanted it. This didn’t matter, for Niko still died attempting to save him from the witch’s torture device, and now she is gone.

And without her, he is left feeling…hollow. There are feelings there, sorrow at the loss and anger at the circumstances, but they seem to be locked away.

He only really feels them when he considers finding Niko so she might expose him to more modern-day pop culture, or so they might simply spend time in one another’s company. Truthfully, he never considered the idea that he might enjoy the company of somebody who is alive—he and Crystal did not get along well initially, though Edwin is wise enough to be able to admit that this was due to no fault of here but rather a product of his aversion to change—but those moments spent with Niko were precious to him.

They remain so now, treasured memories he stores away so he does not have to look at them too closely. Yet they continue to haunt him and sometimes, when his mind drifts, he forgets, and it aches.

This is one of those moments. He stands, triumph making his day just that little bit brighter after solving a particularly difficult case, and he says, “I shall go and find N—“

And then he freezes. Her name is on the tip of his tongue but he holds it back with barely-there self control and thinks that if he had a body capable of sustaining injury then there would be an open wound over his chest and he would bleed out all over the lovely wooden floors of the Dead Boy Detectives Agency.

There is no blood. Of course there is not. He is dead, and ghosts do not bleed. They do not even have bodies, not in the real sense of the world.

As it turns out, being unable to feel the pages of another book between his fingers as he researches for one of their cases, of being unable to feel the warmth of Charles’s palms when he places them upon Edwin’s shoulders, does not make it impossible for him to feel the way the unfinished sentence stabs into his chest. It freezes him in place and his eyes sting with what suspiciously feels like tears, and he clenches his hands into fists in an effort to keep it at bay.

Before him, Charles’s lips draw tight. His eyes shine with sorrow of his own. Edwin wishes suddenly that he had not slipped up and made such an awful, easy mistake, if only because it hurts a part of him to see his friend in such pain.

“I miss her,” Charles says. The words are terribly soft. It buries the knife in his chest only deeper. “It’s okay if you do too.”

Charles has only ever been kind with him, despite Edwin’s own reticence and tendency to take charge, and he appreciates that a great deal more than he believes himself capable of expressing out loud. Here and now, though, he wishes that tenderness was not there. It makes it too easy to notice the absence that seems to follow them around that should fit Niko, to notice the tide rising up inside him, ready to drown him.

He does miss her. He misses being able to walk into her room above Jenny’s butcher shop and having her show him TV shows she enjoyed. It was never about what they did together, he simply…enjoyed being in her company, in a way he cannot recall having with anybody but Charles.

It was different than that, but similar enough. He enjoyed her company. He wishes their friendship was not so brutally cut short.

Edwin has always believed silence speaks for itself and this theory proves true now, for Charles rises from the chair he sits in and places a hand on his shoulder. They are ghosts and cannot feel such touches, but sometimes he fools himself into believing he can feel the warmth of his friend’s hand through his blazer and shirt.

Wishful thinking, always. But it does not hurt, and so he makes no effort to stop himself, not as he does with the other far more dangerous things he tends to imagine when his brain wanders more than he would typically allow. (His feelings for Charles are out in the open now, yet still he fears them sometimes. They have yet to talk about it properly, and the questioning is…driving him a little bit insane, but he won’t push. It is a miracle Charles continues to tolerate him now that he knows.)

“You don’t have to talk about it now,” his oldest, dearest friend tells him. It is honest, and Edwin is glad for it. “But I’m here if you ever want to.”

He nods stiffly, the best he can manage. There’s a tangle of feelings in his chest and they seem far too difficult to make sense of, and talking of them seems impossible, like tearing open barely healed wounds to bleed out all over again.

“I will…keep that in mind,” he says, and hopes his tone conveys his appreciation even if his words do not. “Thank you, Charles.”

“Anytime, mate. I mean that.”

The truth of those words ache. Charles went to Hell for him. There is very little he would not do, and that Edwin believes wholeheartedly. He does not know what to do with it all.

So for now, he does not. There is nothing he can do here and now, anyway.

He steps from Charles’s reach, immediately missing the phantom warmth. “I will find something to read,” he declares, and Charles nods.

He misses Niko. She would know what to say about this, or would help him somehow.

He has not had to miss somebody before, not like this. He hopes, perhaps foolishly, that it will get easier with time.

[ipatrichor]

dead boy detectives episode eight thoughts

oh my god we're here... the finale... god i have so many thoughts with this. im gonna try to keep things slightly organized and do a little wrap-up at the end but. we'll see!

moved spoilery stuff under the cut haha. but also technically everything is a spoiler? so it's just all under the read more 👍

first of all... niko my love my heart. i've moved past the shock i'm just sad now... my girl!!! i hate being right sometimes like... god she was so kind and she tried so hard and and. huauaauaghh i don't have the words for this just know im absolutely gutted 😭😭

and crystal... god i love the way they did her memories and i love that she was an asshole, but also she was a neglected kid with parents who didn't even notice when she went missing!! god. it sure does explain some things huh... idk i love the way she reacted, how scared she was of the person she used to be. but ultimately, of course, the only way she can go is forward. the only thing she can do is live with who she used to be and choose who she wants to be going forward, and she won't be doing those things alone

JENNY IM SO GLAD JENNY CAME TO ENGLAND WITH THEM. it sucks that her shop got exploded but also i think it'll be good for her, to get a fresh start somewhere else after the shit she's been through. i'm glad she's staying with the group i care her ^^

monty helping save them... alright man. you're on thin ice but you're at least back on the ice instead of falling right through so. you have earned a little bit of my respect back and im sorry that you were bound to such a shitty witch 👍

ALSO HEY SPEAKING OF EDWIN'S LOVE INTERESTS. can we talk about the gorgeous animation for the cat king's story????? HELLO that was beautiful and so impressive!!! it really transported me into the story being told and it looked so classic disney which made a wonderful juxtaposition with what was happening. i love that so much!!!!!

esther... god what do i say about esther. her acting is phenomenal, she's so well written to be funny and absolutely terrifying, i love her story and i love the way it was resolved. i absolutely LOVE that she wasn't beaten by the gang overpowering her, it was karmic. it was the retribution for the lives she's taken, all the little girls she's killed for her own selfishness, and their retribution comes to claim her. who gets justice for them, indeed

OKAY can i just say. i am absolutely thrilled with how the lilith thing went down i didn't even think they would use the image of her in esther's memories to contact her!!! i hoped she would be involved somehow, would right the wrongs that had been done to those little girls, but i did not expect it to be this amazing!!!! god i love that they put those pieces into the show so early, so we were able to guess that they'd come together and then they DO in such an amazing way!!!

and once again niko saves the day by being genuine and talking to people... god i love her so much. she learned the exact information they needed for this fight episodes ago, by talking to the woman near the beach because she likes talking to people and learning things!!!! niko sasaki the woman that you were.... god the fact that it's were instead of are. im gonna fucking cry

and the ending!!! they aren't on the run anymore it's been recognized that they're doing good so they're allowed to keep doing it and helping people!!!!! GODDD that makes me so happy i love that so much!!!!!!

ALSO I WILL SAY. when the superior didn't give them her name and then said the thing that tragic mick (finally learned his name!) told niko before she died... im not gonna lie my first thought was that she Was niko like somehow after dying she ended up in the afterlife outside of time or whatever. i don't think that's true i think it's just the theme of the show and that's why they said it twice but. for a minute i was like HELLO???

but the very ending scene!!! niko and the sprites? i think? idk im really bad with faces and recognize people through their hair so. did not help that they were dressed sensibly for the weather and their hair wasn't showing haha. BUT STILL. was that her afterlife? why are the sprites there?? what does that scene Mean is there still a chance for her to meet the group again??? please i need answers you can't just leave me hanging about my girl!!!!!! 😭😭

god this whole show has been amazing i'm so glad i watched it... thank you noble for introducing me to dead boy detectives!! i have had such a good time, it's been an emotional rollercoaster and i'm so sad it's over. i'm off to the tumblr search to reblog whatever i find and then it's to ao3 for me, with noble's profile as a starting point and then i'll scour the tags haha. thank you guys for coming along with me on this lovely experience! i'm doing a little wrap-up summary below to end things off

FAVORITE MAIN CHARACTER: god this is so difficult.... it's gotta be niko or charles, but know that i say this with the other two very close behind. they're all fantastic, it's rare that even when i imprint on a character (in this case charles) the others are all so good that it's still hard to pick a clear favorite, with niko even rivalling that imprint

FAVORITE RECURRING SIDE CHARACTER: jenny it's gotta be jenny!! i love her scenes i love her personality she's so fun i love how no-nonsense she is only to consistently be dragged into the Most Nonsense. she's a delight i love her and her proficiency with knives

FAVORITE ONE-OFF CHARACTER: kashi!!! fish guy!! he is such a goddamn delight he is the first character whose name i learned On Purpose instead of through the natural course of the show. i love him he showed up for one episode, performed his role magnificently, and swanned off to implied further fascinating adventures. love that guy

FAVORITE EPISODE: okay surprising no one ever, probably episode seven? i love what it does with the characters, i love the scene of edwin and charles meeting (well worth the wait!), i love all of it

SECOND FAVORITE EPISODE: okay this one has gotta be episode four or the jock one. five maybe? idk im torn between those two bc of the excellent charles characterization and development we get, and i've mentioned before what a soft spot i have both for the scene where he first breaks down and the scene where he and edwin hug. i love them both i cannot choose!!!

FAVORITE LOCATION: this has gotta be the dead boy detective office or maybe the inside of the fish. idk they're very different locations but they both serve their purpose very well and have a lot to offer!! oh wait shit actually i take it back the inside of crystal's mind with the tree. that's absolutely gorgeous and i love it so much

LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTER: daniel. the demon ex sorry i choose not to remember his name <3 he is daniel To Me. anyway they just did a really good job of making him a shitty asshole who also happens to be a powerful demon

FINAL OPINION ON THE CAT KING: uh. i mean i still don't respect him but he's a very fun character and i do enjoy his vibe. i actually liked him a lot better when he wasn't essentially holding edwin prisoner (imagine that!) so i think the coercive nature of that original dynamic is what really threw me off. i found myself enjoying his character a lot more with the bracelet off and them interacting on even footing!

and finally, i couldn't possibly choose so here

LIST OF FAVORITE SCENES

- charles dying and meeting edwin

- charles having a breakdown at the night nurse

- every kashi scene

- crystal speaking to lilith and when she appeared to claim esther

- simon seeing the blue light and possibly leaving hell

- pretty much all of niko and edwin's one on one talks

- the conversation between niko and crystal when they first opened up to each other

- edwin telling the cat king the binding bracelet is all he is and leaving to save his friends

- charles hugging edwin after edwin comforts him

- esther killing the cat king

- charles getting stuck in the loop of the devlin murders

- niko going out into the storm to save her friends

- niko's reading comprehension skills <3

AND MANY MORE that i am forgetting but here you go ^^ goddamn this show is good. hit me like a trainwreck though i need a fucking nap