#and even tho our shit was ready the worker had to run out a different order

[duskythesomething]

napped for 4 hours accidentally, did laundry and got food, accidentally not only dripped chocolate ice cream all over my white jacket but dumped an ENTIRE peanut butter shake in the car.......

[kairoscelrosis]

ST: Into Darkness

So I watched into darkness after a really long time, and for the first time after watching ST: WOK. And I liveblogged it.

*spoilers* 

Jim's so disappointed that Enterprise got taken away from him. owo

Aahh Carol Marcus is British

Scotty has a moral compass (which I feel TOS Scotty does as well)

When Kirk learns that Spuhura are fighting, and then the lift opens and Spock's about to enter, he looks at both of them. It really gives me the vibes that he knows both his partners are angry at him 😂

Bones McCoy: a dictionary of metaphors

Yaayyy Sulu on the chairrrr

Whaaatttt???? Sulu references Mudd (Harry freaking Mudd) in the movieeee!!!!! (He says: Acting Captain Sulu to Shuttle Bay 2. Please have the trade ship we confiscated during the Mudd incident last month fueled and flight ready) !!!!!

"If you test me, you WILL fail."

The way Bones' expression changesss 😂

"Mr. Sulu, remind me to never piss you off."

"I am not the only one who is upset at you. The Captain is too." "No no no no don't drag me into this."

"She IS right" spirkkkkk

"Captain we will not fit" "We'll fit. WE'LL FITTT."

"I told you we'll fit." "I am not sure that qualifies." 🤣

Why do the Klingons look so different???

Why is Benedict's voice so deep? Like deeper than usual.

SPUHURA 🤢🤢🤢🤢

Tho i hate that a british dude played KHAN, you can't deny Benedict's Khan has charisma

Carol Marcus says "I am a friend of Christine Chapel's" like what??? JJ do you even know that Christine would never be engaged with Kirk in a romantic relationship??? That he's not her type??? 🤢

"Any idea what caused it?" "No sir. But I expect full responsibility." Aww my baby chekov 🥺

"Jim? You're gonna wanna see this." Ooohhhhhh

Okay... so wasn't this Khan a dictator as well? Or like, did the Eugenics war never happen in AOS? Did JJ do this so that Khan would be morally grey? Cuz he loves Benedict? IDK

"I'm sorry." Ohh Kirk my bby 🥺🥺

SCOTTYYYYYY HELL YEAHHH YOU ARE A MIRACLE WORKER *cries in jimmy doohan*

"Captain, I strongly object." "To what? I haven't said anything yet." Bitch you really think he doesn't sense your crazy ideas?

"'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.'" "An Arabic proverb attributed to a pronce who was betryed and decapitated by his own subjects." 🤣🤣

Grab at the shoulder and "I cannot allow you to do this." and an almost "Jim"

"The Enterprise and her crew need someone in that chair that knows what he's doing... and that's not me." You can hear my heart shattering into a million pieces in the background.

How Jim's about to cry during that dialogue 🥺🥺🥺

Is there like... a competition going on between Pine and Benedict Cumberbatch trying to decide who's eyes are bluer???? Because I can't see anybody winning

"Captain. You can't even guarantee the safety of your own crew." Ooohh I so wanna punch you in the face. 👊

Aaaahhhhh TRIBBLLEEEEEEE

New Vulcaaaannn!!!! Our Spock's coming baaaackkkkkk yaaayyy

Aahh Sulu you are so talented

"This door is very wee. I mean, you know, small" 🤣

"It's gonna be like jumping out of a moving car, off a bridge, into your shot glass." "It's okay. I've done it before" Khan: 👀

"It's not easy. Just give me two seconds, all right, you mad bastard!" 😂😂

Bones, sitting down to watch the most scary movie of his life: Tell me this is gonna work.

Spock, shivering with fear in his seat: I have neither the information nor the confidence to do so, Doctor. 😂😂😂😂

Bones: 👀 👀 Boy, you're a real comfort.

Omg Sulu's so nervous and worried 🥺

I actually kinda DO like the transitions.

"You're big." 😂

"Spock, if I get back, we really need to talk about you bedside manner." Why is everyone so pbsessed with bedside manner in Star Trek😂😂

Scotty 😂😂😂 wheezing and panting, complaining he can't do it but he does 😂😂😂

Shitt the momentum!!! How would they have filmed that??? Rolling and rolling and rolling

LEONARDDD NIMOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Mr. Spock." "Mister Spock." Aaahhhhhhhhhh you both wanna kill meeeee 😂😂😂

He deserved that slap!!! GO CAROLL!!!!

"Where'd ya find this guy?" Ohh Scotty 😂

Spock!Prime really be like, "I can't tell you about it, but I am my own master, so I will. 😂

"Khan Noonien Singh is the most dangerous adversary the Ebeterprise ever faced. He is brilliant, ruthless, and he will not hesitate to kill every single one of you." *cries in Ricardo Montalban*

"Did you defeat him?" "At great cost. Yes." Aaaaahhhhhhh how would you know the great costt spocckkkkk😭😭

The sudden appearance of the man scared the shit outta mee😂😂

"Where's Khan?" AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JIM SOMETIMES YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO SPOOCCKKKK

Yaayyyy "Damn it, man, I'm a doctor not a torpedo technician!" 😂😂

"This way." Whewww.

Aaahh he's awakeeeee.

Yesss that's my Jim Kirk. No killing. Yes.

Aahhhhhhhhh. Wtf why're you punching Jimmmmm

Aahh Carolll ahahhh

Omg wtfffffffff nooooooooo frickfrickfrickfrickfrickk that was baaaddd

"Oh, you are smart, Mr. Spock." I really do wanna punch you in the face.

I will repeat myself. Having said that a white dude playing Khan is irritating, Benedict really does play him well.

Aahhh the ploy is same like the one in ST: WOK!! This time, it is Spock playing the game!!!

"Vulcans do not lie." Spock lies.

"No ship shoild go down without her captain." *silent screaming*

OMG he's firinggggg

"He armed the damn torpedoes." Is that pride I hear, Kirk

"Not bad, Commander." "Thank you, Lieutenant." XDDDD

Smarty pants Spock XD

WTF is Uhura doing in the Med Bay???

"Good to see you, Jim."

"Spock's cold, but he's not that cold. I've got Khan's crew." Awww :))))

"Seventy two human popsicles, safe and sound in their cryo tubes" POPSICLES😂😂😂😂

"Son of a bitch!"

"I hope you don't get seasick." 😂

"I will remain behind and divert all power to life supprt and evacuation shuttle bays." 🥺🥺

Sulu: Shut up, BITCH.

"I order you to abandon this ship!" The voice his voice cracks 😭 Who says Spock doesn't feel????

"All due respect, Commander, but we're not going anywhere." YEAAHHHH SULUUUUU GOOOO

"One day I've been off this ship! One bloody day!" Same, Scotty, same.

Hah. Running on walls😂

CHEKOV MY HEROOOOOO

Smart baby Chekov exclaiming in Russian.

"The ship's dead sir. She's gone." 😭😭😭

"You're not making the climb" JIM NOOOOO OH GOD YOU SELF SACRIFICING IDIOT.

Jim coming back to belt Scotty into place 🥺

How's he gonna do that????

Aaahh that oit of the clouds shot justttt 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Sulu's so HAPPYYY uwu

"It's a miracle." "There are no such things." Wait till you get to know Spock.

"Sir, you'd better get down here. Better hurry." *traumatic WOK flashbacks*

"How's OUR ship?" "Out of danger."

"That's a nice move." Is Jim referring to Chess????? You really have the nerve to do that???

"It is what you would have done." "And this, this is what you would have done." *TOS 😭😭😭😭*

"It was only logical."

"I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be."😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"I do not know. Right now I am failing." 😭😭😭

"Because you are my friend."😭😭😭

That Vulcan kisssssss 😭😭😭😭😭

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JIMMMM

KHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Why tf is everyone wearing those weird goggles???

I don't like Zoe Saldana as Uhura AT ALL.

The way Zach's bangs are flying😂

BONEESSSSSS 😭😭😭

Yeaah yeah yeah yeah yeah that tribbleeee

How tf did spock jump that high???

Why doesn't he like nerve pinch him???

Why can't they use the blood of the man in the cryo???? They have the same blood right???

"You get that son of a bitch back on board right now!"

Ohnonononono he's tryna crush Spock's skull.

Shit Spock why so angry NOOOOOO

Yeah Spock stops when he hears the name 'Kirk'.

"You were barely dead." 😂

"Tell me, are you feeling homicidal? Pwer mad? Despotic?"

"Uhura and I had something to do with it too, you know." Ohh bones😆😆

Spock called Kirk JIMMMMMMMMMMM

But, like, why didn't they kill Khan off??? He can be awakened again, can't he??? Like????

I love their formal uniforms!!!

Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy my introooooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺

"C'mon Bones, it's gonna be fun."

"Five years in space. God help me." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The fond look Spock has on his faceeeee

And on Jim's face toooooo

"I defer to your good judgement, Captain." 🥺🥺🥺

[untilspringdays]

Catalyst Chapter 5: Meeting

Summary:  You were the catalyst, the start of it all. They would have found each other eventually but you brought them together sooner, faster than expected. Then you vanished from their lives and they were determined to get you back.

Pairings: OT7 x Reader

Genre: Mafia AU | Angst, Fluff, Smut (Eventually)

Warnings (This chapter): Angst, Swearing, Panic

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I hope you understand considering the state of things right now. I’m an essential worker so that has been filling my time. I’m glad I still am making progress on my stories tho. 

Word Count: 3k

Previous || Master List || Next

Taglist:@jooheonbee​ @s-noir​ @asifetch7​ @crackhead1-800​ @softescapism​ (Ask, Comment, or Message me to be added!)((If I missed you I’m sorry))

Stressed… Angry… Confused.. Worried.. Anxious.. You didn’t know which one you were feeling the most. It was overwhelming to say the least. You sat in your side chair, your hands pressed to your forehead. Your leg bouncing slightly as your anxiety ate at you. 

You let out a deep sigh, dragging your hands down your face, your gaze turning to the unconscious figure laying on your too small couch. Your anxiety changing to concern at seeing his bandaged figure. 

It took major effort on your part to carry the bleeding man back to your apartment, and not get caught in the process. With where you were at? The police had a little control and could easily arrest you just for being near a bleeding Hoseok. Not to mention once they learned who he was they would easily take you down with him, but BTS wouldn’t get you out like they would get Hobi out. 

Your personal doctor confirmed that he would be fine but wasn’t sure when he would wake up. He had sustained a lot of damage, it would take time for his body to heal. You didn’t have any way to contact the rest of BTS to come collect their Drug lord, and you hadn’t seen Jimin since the talk the three of you had the other day. 

Another sigh escaped you. You didn’t know what you were going to do about this situation. Dull eyes stayed on the slumbering figure, as your mind raced with different ideas. You didn’t want to leave him alone in case something happened but you couldn’t just sit here the whole time waiting for him to wake up. You had to do something.. 

Running a hand through your hair, you stood. You grabbed your jacket off the back of the couch before heading out the door. Letting it fall shut behind you. 

✦

It didn’t take long to reach your destination, considering it was just around the corner. Lain’s big grin greeted you as soon as you stepped into the underground area. You watched as it fell as he took in your ragged appearance: dark circles under your eyes, hair not as clean as it normally was. 

The tall man approached you, concern was clear on his face. He took your face in his hands looking over you for a second checking for any damage that might have been on your face or body. “What happened King?” Lain asked. 

You let out a small sigh, pulling away from his grasp, eyes falling to somewhere that wasn’t him. “BTS happened..” You put simply. “Where is Mason?” You asked trying to go around him not wanting to listen to whatever came out of the older man's mouth next. 

You nearly made it around him due to him being frozen in his spot before his large hand grabbed your shoulder stopping you in your tracks. 

“What do you mean BTS happened?” He asked, his voice stern. 

You turned to look at him, eyes falling on his face. While he may have looked composed, you could tell Lain was pissed just because you knew him for a long time. “Jimin found me out, He approached me in the bookstore, but that isn’t the issue right now.”

“Then what is the issue?” Lain’s grip tightened on your shoulder, just showing up how serious that this situation was to him. 

“The issue is, Jimin ended up trying to help me and because of that Hoseok found out about me. Well the two told me they wouldn’t bring me up to the rest but the other day Hobi found me… and…” You couldn’t continue for a moment. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. You clenched your teeth trying to fight them, trying to keep them from spilling.. 

You sniffled, your voice becoming shaky. “He was hurt… And I was so scared…” You said still fighting back the tears. “At first I wanted to leave him there after what happened, but I just couldn’t!”

Lain’s irritation turned to concern as soon as he saw you struggling with your emotions on the situation. It didn’t take a genius to know that you were holding this all in lately. The tall man pulled you closer to him, ignoring the looks other patrons were giving the two of you. “Where is Hoseok now? Is he okay? Most importantly are you okay? Is anyone after you?”

You rubbed your eyes trying to get rid of the tears that were trying to boil over. “He..” You sniffed. “He is back at my apartment. Doc said he would be okay but he hasn’t woken up yet.. I don’t think anyone followed us there since it's been a few days but… I can’t just keep him there.. I need to get in contact with BTS.. You and Mason are the only ones I can think of that would know how to get into contact with them.”

Lain wrapped his arm over your shoulders before guiding you to the office the two men shared in the arena. Mason stood inside, his hands planted on the desk, his gaze falling to the two figures that just walked into the office. 

His questioning gaze falling to something darker as soon as he recognized the two of you. “What happened?” His tone was plain, and cold. 

“Hoseok and Jimin know she is alive, J-Hope went to her when he was critical and now she needs to get in contact with them.” Lain said bluntly. 

You could feel Mason’s gaze on you. “No.” He said simply before returning to what he was doing moments before the two of you came in. 

You stepped forward, out of Lain’s comfort. “What do you mean no? You were the one that allowed Jimin to watch the arena while you were out? Now you don’t want me in contact with them?”

Mason’s glare snapped back up to you. “I had no choice! BTS was pressing on our border since the whole thing with EXO a while back so I had to make things even again to keep our little space safe! Even with my power there is only so much I can do against mafia’s like that!” His words coming out in a growl. 

“Still you put me at risk without my knowledge and look where I ended up Mason! I have an issue that needs to be fixed and I know for certain neither of you can do it because if you did then EXO or some other Mafia would see it as you forming a bond with BTS.” You stepped closer to the taller male on the other side of the desk. You knew he was stronger than you, better than you in every way but you weren’t going to back down from this. “This is my issue and for once I want to fix it, you always say to face my shit problems and now you don’t want me to? What do you want then?”

“I don’t want one of my best fighters killed!” Mason yelled right back. The two of you are basically ready to go for each other's throats at this point. 

Lain stepped up, his towering figure causing you both to turn your attention to the blond man. “Mason, if she wants to do this we can’t stop her. It’s better for her to do it safely with our help instead of her running into mafia territory where she would most likely be killed.” The older man pointed out to his younger partner. “Besides if she gets in direct contact with the leaders, I doubt Jimin would let anything happen to her.” 

You could see Mason thinking, his gray gaze remained locked on Lain before he dropped it and closed his eyes. “Fine.” He growled again, one of his hands coming up to wave the two of you back. 

You watched the dark haired man stand up straight, looking at you. “If something happens just know we can’t help you again. You screw up, then you are gone for good.” He warned. He ran a hand through his hair, stopping to rub the back of his head for a moment before it fell to his side. 

“I can get you in contact with Suga. He will meet with you on the edge of the territory. I won’t let him know it’s you, to him it will just seem like another deal between our mess and his. Which kind of will be. It up to you to not fuck us over, and keep yourself safe.” The arena leader let out his own sigh, as he was coming to realize how fucked up this situation was. 

He opened his desk before pulling out a clear burner phone. You watched as he dialed a number before pressing the phone to his ear. Only a few words were exchanged between him and whoever was on the other side. If it was Yoongi or not you didn’t know. 

You could start to feel fear eat at you from having this set up but you couldn’t let it win no matter how afraid you were. This was the best choice for everyone. After this you could get back to your life, and Hobi could get the help and care he actually needs. 

You tried your best to listen to the conversation but you just couldn’t focus on it. Only picking up a word here and there. All of it just sounded like a bland and normal conversation but you knew it was some sort of code set up. You never knew who was listening. 

After the conversation was over, you watched as Mason scribbled down the meeting time and meeting point on a small scrap of paper before handing it to you. “Remember, don’t fuck it up.” He said to you. “Now get out of my office, I have shit to do.” He waved you away again, trying to get back to his work. 

“Thank you.” You said simply to him. 

The arena leader paused then sighed. “Yeah yeah..” You knew he cared despite his harsh words. 

✦

Despite having a lot of time to prepare yourself for this meeting, you couldn’t help the mounting anxiety. You stepped out of your building afraid of what tonight was going to bring. 

It didn’t take long to arrive at the location, considering it was where both the neutral territory and BTS territory met, and the fact that neutral territory was small. Small enough not to hinder any of the groups getting what they wanted. 

The location was shabby.. Well most of the neutral area was run down looking. It was dark out making the area a lot creepier than you knew it was. You understood the risk of being out here at this time of night but at the same time, to the people around here, you were King. A somewhat famous fighter that can and will tear down anyone in her way. 

To other people who didn’t know King? You were a scared girl, highly traumatized by a past incident. Someone quiet who just ran a bookstore to make a meager living. Which one was the real you? You weren’t so sure anymore.

Besides the run down state of the area, you also noticed no one was there.. Which was a little understandable.. Yoongi never really showed up right on time. 

A simple sound caught your attention for a moment, your gaze flicking over to the spot where it was. You knew it was nothing to worry about. This location wasn’t exactly the hang out spot for anyone that wandered into neutral territory. Hopefully Yoongi would show up soon, because all you wanted to do was go back to your apartment and sleep. 

This was taking too long in your opinion, despite your phone only telling you it had been a few minutes. Maybe it was because your anxiety was getting the better of you no matter how much you tried to calm yourself. 

Your gaze fell right as you let out a deep sigh. Only to have your fear spike up right in that moment because as soon as you tried to straighten out, a knife was pressed to your neck. The edge of the knife digging into your skin enough to cause a familiar sting.

Your hands instantly shot up grabbing whoever's arm was pressing the knife into your throat. You tugged trying to get free but whoever it was had a lot more strength than you, and your fear wasn’t helping in the slightest. 

You gulped heavily only sending more pain through your system as your throat flexed against the knife. Your mouth opened slightly as you attempted to formulate words to speak but he beat you to it. 

“Who are you? And why are you here in place of Mason?” He asked, his voice low and threatening. 

You remained frozen for a second, fear coursing through your veins. “I…” You didn’t want to give yourself away, but at this point either option would most likely cost you your life. “It’s... It’s me.. Yoongs…” Your voice was shaky and quiet. 

He pressed his knife harder. “Who?”

Did he not recognize you? You… Shit… Jimin wasn’t here to help you out this time. Jimin wasn’t here to defend you against any of them. Hobi was knocked out on your couch with various wounds.. 

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes once again. This was all too much.. Facing your past.. Hobi.. Jimin not being around the past while.. Your fear… Why did you put yourself in this situation? Why couldn’t you just wait for Hobi to get better and go back on his own? 

Your fingertips dug tightly into Yoongi’s arm as your body trembled. “I.. It’s Y/N..” 

His grip tightened on you. Obviously he didn’t accept your answer. “She has been dead a long time now. Who are you really?”

Shock filled your system, but you should have expected it considering what Hoseok and Jimin told you the other day.. All of the older members believed you to be dead. 

“It really is me!” You cried out in your weak voice. “I’m alive. I promise you Yoongs it is me..” Your whole body trembled now. Fear for your life only growing by the second. 

He shook your body, jarring you for a second, his anger getting more and more apparent by the second. “If you really are her then prove it.” 

Prove it? You didn’t know how to prove it.. Yeah there were some things you knew that a lot of others wouldn’t but some shared in that knowledge too. You couldn’t simply proclaim that Jimin knew you because you were sure many others tried to make that claim. You couldn’t say that their leader’s real name was Namjoon because there were many theories out there on who BTS’ leader was and Namjoon was a name that appeared in many conspiracy theories. What was something only you and Yoongi would share? 

“If you don’t speak up soon then consider yourself dead.” He warned with a growl. 

Shit you were running out of time. What could you do? What the fuck were you going to say? 

“You… I..” You stuttered out, panic consuming you as you rushed to figure out something to say. Pressure being added to the knife second by second. 

“I call you lil meow meow when we are alone! You act like you hate it but I know you actually like it sometimes!” You shouted out, the knife being removed the second the last word left your mouth. 

You took in a sharp breath, a hand coming up to rub the spot on your neck where the knife was pressed in. A sharp pain coursed through your body as soon as the rough skin on your hand made contact with the cut, causing you to pull your hand away just to see there was blood on your hand.. 

With a heaving chest, you turned around to see a wide eyed Yoongi staring at you. His gaze was focused on you as he took in every feature of your person, trying to see under the numerous scars and the change in your hair. 

“You..” His voice fell to the usual soft tone you normally knew. “You are alive.. It really is you.” He didn’t make any move to pull you close or hug you, not like some of the more affectionate members did. More so taking in the fact that you were there, really there in front of him. 

“Have… Have you been with Mason this whole time?” You nodded. “Why didn’t you come back to us sooner? Or make yourself known.. Goodness if Hoseok knew you were alive.. If only he wasn’t missing right now..” You could hear the sadness in his voice but as much as you wanted to sit down and tell the whole story again for the third time. You couldn’t. At least not right now. Him mentioning his brother reminded you of why you were here, and the real care  Hobi actually needed. 

“That is actually why I’m here..” His gaze turned curious, and concerned. 

He stepped closer to you but not getting into your personal space. “You know where Hoseok is?”  

You could tell he wanted to ask more questions but that would only delay your answer even more. “He is at my apartment.. He is badly hurt but he will be okay after a while..” 

You could see the relief in the older’s eyes despite his stoic form. “That’s good then. He can stay with you.”

You flinched back slightly. “Actually he can’t.. I can’t take care of him properly.. There is too much I have to do and I can’t keep an eye on him as often as necessary.” It was a bullshit excuse. You had time, but your mental stability couldn’t handle it. Not to mention you wanted to be as far away from BTS as possible. 

“That’s fine.. Me and Joon can come get him, or you and I can take him to Base.” Yoongi stated simply. 

Fear was creeping up your spine again. “I can’t let you do that either. I would prefer if no one else knew I was alive.”

Yoongi creased his eyebrows, looking at you with confusion. “Why? I can’t keep something like that from them. They deserve to know.”

“Like I said, I will explain later but for right now I need you to lie to them, or something.. Please Yoongi.. I can’t have them knowing.”

Yoongi stared at you for a moment, trying to figure out exactly why you wanted to hide your existence from them. He shook his head before answering. “No. I won’t lie to them. It will only divide us further, and since you won’t explain my answer will remain so what do you want to do?” His voice was becoming firm. 

You shook your head. There was no getting through to him was there? 

“BTS was the one who wanted me dead.. One of the seven wanted to kill me and failed and I have been hiding ever since.” You stated quietly but not enough so Yoongi could still hear you. 

“And before you say I’m lying.. I’m not. You know the guy that works for you that King put in the hospital last week? That was the one who attempted to kill me.”

“So you are saying one of the other six wanted you dead?” You nodded. “I don’t think it was us.. But it is concerning considering that man was the one who did it.. He is a part of our inner ring..” He could understand your fear but still… 

“I still won’t do it. I don’t believe that any of us would want you dead. Not Hoseok, not Joon, not any of us. So your choice still stands. You help me bring him to the base and reveal yourself on your own terms.”

You froze rooted in your spot, fear overcoming you once again. You knew what was next. 

“Or you refuse, and we come to your apartment against your say.” Now that he knew you were with Mason, it wouldn’t be hard for them to find your apartment. What were you going to do?

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card S1

Not to be someone born in the 90s but wow this is a change from the more simple animation style new anime truly likes things shiny, intensely bright and round lmao

Ah I guess the prologue is just a reanimation of the original anime finale? That’s fair it helps you reintegrate if it had been nineteen years for you

“That way, you’ll realize who you consider to be your Number One” Eriol’s advice has gotten less cryptic since he stopped lying

“The person I love the most... is you” Lmao didn’t Syaoran ALREADY do this confession in the final battle this is like in Naruto the Last where Naruto just forgot that Hinata had already said she loved him

Fdshkfjhkjdfhksjhfkjh wow Yukito appearing with a flower background and shine effect and softened face is this a style choice or is this just Toya Vision™

I think Toya’s voice IS different rest in pieces I still respect u bro 

“How do I feel about Syaoran” [Pan across Syaoran in floral background] It is a style choice how very shojo manga of you

I’m really very confused by the references to Tokyo Tower bc I’m pretty sure they were battling at Tsukimine Shrine did I miss something??

No I just checked it was definitely at the shrine in the anime did THEY not check or were they like ‘hmmm not enough drama only Tokyo Tower for our battle backdrops pls’

This is the third or fourth flower backdrop in the first ten minutes jkhkdjhg the floral effect artists said ‘I WILL BE SILENT NO LONGER’:

I DO NOT understand the chronology of this the bear exchange was the last scene in the anime is this before or after the finale???? If it’s after then why is Syaoran still in town

Rjhkjhgkj is the entire point of redoing this episode so Sakura could also give Syaoran a bear

“Toya was too embarrassed, so he had me bring it over and went back to his room” Lmao @ Toya sending his boyfriend to be nice to his sister in his place 

If this show does not stop the floral cutaways I will not be able to take it seriously it is Ouran High School Host Club levels of intensity jdshfkjshdfkjhsdk

“Will you wait for me?” “Yes! I’ll wait! I’ll be waiting!” I think they threw out all continuity just so they could establish that these feelings were for sure mutual for the setup of the sequel series

That, or the original series so heavily discarded manga continuity that they are trying to walk it back to something more accurate without any real explanation

Rffkghkfghkdfhgkj if they’re referencing the original anime bear scene what was the point of that stupid prologue SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH

“My name is Mike. I’m from Portland” LOL references to Americans in anime are always so funny 

“Now I can stay in Tomoeda forever” did u bring ur mom and sisters orrr

Gosh I’m actually quite thrown by how quickly this romance escalated it took them 57 episodes to just use each other’s first names and now it’s taken them one (1) episode to Commit 4Ever At Age 13

HAHAHA do they have smart phones now? Always on the cutting edge

“I Am a Stuffed Animal” some of the quirky captions ARE worth it

“Make sure you tell him... even the smallest things” Yue has become more of a romantic since he got closure and a part-time boyfriend 

“I never knew! Thanks for telling me!” “Never change, Li-kun” kjhgkjhdkj STILL MY GULLIBLE BOY some things don’t ever change

Is that a dragon?? They are really expanding this magical universe

It bears repeating the polar opposite levels of pacing from the two shows it’s only episode one and they’ve already established so many new rules and powers 

I don’t blame them for it though bc they have to put forward some kind of plot progression

There were so many visual effects in that scene I couldn’t even tell what was happening lmao it’s like reading manga battles

“But why are these things happening in Tomoeda again?” I mean not to point fingers but Syaoran’s arrival is fairly recent

“Did Wei-san come back with you” “No, just me. But he said he’d come to check on me in a while” HE’S 13?? CHILD. WELFARE. LAWS!!!!

“I wish that I could’ve used it as a reference” “For what?” “To make something that would look wonderful on you” LMAO now that Syaoran and Sakura are a thing He is Included in the outfits 

“’Great to have you’ so you can do what?” don’t bully ur sister Toya, u r both happy with your respective relationships now

WHAT ARE THE STAKES OF KERO PRETENDING TO BE A PLUSHIE TOYA IS LITERALLY DATING THE MOON

I understood “Gale” but what exactly is a “Siege” card this feels a little abstract 

“We managed to keep him in the dark” did u tho? Again. Moon boyfriend

“So it happened in her room” Did u put a protection spell on that bear or something Syaoran 

I genuinely do not tire of Syaoran and Sakura’s shared gullibility this couple is morosexual solidarity

How convenient that Sakura’s new key just announces whenever there’s a new clear card to collect lmao

I meant what I said about Toya’s love language being touching Yukito somewhere above the shoulders 

“You’ll find out when the time comes” Dfddjhfjkdhf Toya what are you going to DO 

Two cards in one episode is quite a bit for ep 3 I guess they’re trying to give her some more fighting options lol 

Is the implication of the way Sakura just happens to be coming across magical phenomenon that Clow Reed didn’t make his cards but just harnessed magic that existed in nature 

For no reason other than my own suspicion I think that something funky is going on with Syaoran’s powers

“That person was almost the same height as me” I mean so was Eriol

“Sakura and the Lovely Transfer Student” we know by now transfer students mean that shit’s about to get real

“And then you slept with your belly uncovered” “I did not!” Toya’s gentle bullying to distract Sakura is always weirdly sweet

“Your brother is so funny Sakura” CHIHARU’S RIGHT STAN TOYA

SHINOMOTO ARE YOU SHITTING ME JHDFGHDGDFDD WHY DOES IT RHYME

“I hope we can be friends” if I know anything about this show this means she’s going to do something very shady immediately

I wonder if this will be the season that Tomoyo’s filming of everything Sakura does finally becomes plot relevant

I do think it’s weird that Sakura trusted a new key without questioning it

“I’m changing back” LOL @ YUE TRANSFORMING INTO YUKITO JUST TO AVOID PEOPLE I’M STARTING TO REALLY LIKE HIM

DGSJGSJDGDJGSFFSJDHJS YUKITO APOLOGIZING FOR YUE LEAVING RUDELY THAT’S MY POLITE AND HANDSOME MAN WHO HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE

I KNEW Syaoran was being suspicious!!! Talking about Sakura with Eriol in secret phone calls

“I came here to be ready for that time, when it comes” current theory is that Syaoran has NO powers and that’s why he is not running out of his classroom for teenage battles with the Forces of Nature

“How much has Yukito-san been eating?” “Not as much as he did when you were in elementary school, but he still eats a lot for his size” This must be a strange conversation for their dad to listen to but I like how this is code for Does Yukito Have Magical Chakra Exhaustion

“Um, I just... Phone call” said Sakura, as she was forcibly moonwalked away right in front of her friends’ eyes

LOL is Tomoyo being unable to film Sakura going to be a recurring joke 

“Don’t worry about it” “I have to, when it’s about you” Syaoran really going Full Boyfriend Mode huh

I’ve never questioned it in until precisely this moment but who pays Kero’s phone bill?? Is it Tomoyo? Who is the account holder for this stuffed animal did she establish Kero as a legal person

“Momo-chan, let’s be friends okay?” I feel like this has to be immediate foreshadowing for Momo being alive

[Cucumber cut incorrectly] “Gotta show Yuki” hjkfhksjdhfkjhd rude of Toya but the caption kills me

Ddjkhfkjdhfjkdhfkjh the pure juxtaposition of this energy:

Tomoyo: They have other things to do

Chiharu, thinking that it’s a romance thing: [Winks]

Syaoran and Sakura: [In the shadows while threatening music plays]

“I didn’t feel... anything” oh NO why r their magic senses NOT tingling

I feel like I have been had, they had an episode called the “Song of the Moon” and Yukito didn’t even show up?? Rude

SCREAM this magical FaceTime call is much funnier than I could’ve imagined

“Yukito is in a recitation club, which he takes very seriously” GDGJFGJGJHGDG Yue very respectful of not occupying Yukito’s time with magical shenanigans LMAO

“And we’ll make them the cutest oxygen masks you’ve ever seen” Tomoyo, like the background effects artists in this anime, will not be stopped

Well colour me inaccurate I guess Syaoran can use his powers and he can do a fancy new sword thing

I like this flying scarf it’s the first of the new cards with a personality

Poor Syaoran always so serious to being a Teenage Wizard is hard

Wow I bet there’s NOTHING weird about the fact Akiho lives in Eriol’s house it’s just pure happenstance (said no one)

“Could we um, go out together?” I think this is the first time someone has explicitly scheduled a date in all 80+ episodes

I really do enjoy Toya’s never-ending list of temp jobs lmao 

“Still going on, huh?” Toya’s older brother senses are unparalleled

LMAO IS THIS A 15 YEAR OLD BUTLER

Ghgjhfjfjhfjh what is the scale for these heights why is Kaito twice the height of these 13-year-olds

Unsubtle shot of this man’s pocket watch echoing Sakura’s dream

I’ve never seen a more Rich Person Reaction than Akiho getting upset that Katio, a service worker, stated that taking care of her was his job hfkjdhfkjh

“I came to Japan because there was a book I wanted”

1. VERY Rich Person thing to say

2. Wow I wonder which of you has a MAGICAL BOOK that’s been doing weird things lately

“What language is it” “I don’t know, but I’ve learned to read it” me when I hear people speak South Asian languages LMAO

Why does everyone keep referencing the Time That’s Coming? Toya, Syaoran, Eriol... they’ve all caught Mizuki’s affliction of vague and unhelpful prophecies

*One more go to jail Mizuki for the road

I hope that these stupid FaceTime calls with Yue are in EVERY episode from now on

Does the fact that he’s listed as Yue-san in Sakura’s phone mean that there’s a phone for each personality omg

OMG I just realized the ep title (Sakura’s Thrilling Aquarium Visit) must be a throwback to “Sakura’s Heart-Racing First Date” which was not a date but took place at an aquarium. Cute!!

GJHGSHJGFSGH Yue is me whenever people talk about video games:

Kero: Hey, Yue, play an online game with me

Yue: [Hangs up immediately]

“I made you wait” “Nah, I got here too early. It’s still twelve minutes before our meeting time.” I think she and Yukito had this exact exchange in that early ep

“She doesn’t have magical powers, but she’s oddly perceptive” I hope that Meilin’s one and only magical power is precognition lmao

Omg every time someone in this show speaks English I am so thrown 

“I wasn’t sure how I should look at him” awww Syaoran trying to re-establish himself in the family

I guess this aquarium HAS changed in that it developed a security system for when the tank breaks [youknowwhathatisgrowth.gif]

LOL I guess it’s convenient to have an invisibility cloak when ur breaking and entering I was wondering how they were going to deal with their criminal behaviour in the age of cameras

Ep 10. Sakura’s Unbelievable Juvenile Detention Centre

Weel weel weel looks like Sakura isn’t the only one with new powers nice ice Syaoran!! I missed their tag team fights

OH MY GOD IF THIS PHOTO ALBUM ACCEPTS THE CONTINUITY OF THE SECOND MOVIE THEN SAKURA AND SYAORAN HAVE ALREADY! DONE! THEIR! CONFESSIONS! WOULD YOU PICK A LANE

“You want the person you like to eat good food” Besides the fact Kaito is twice your height and therefore probably an adult... u should not make advances on people u employ - this is all very bad-vibes-no-jutsu

I am shocked that it took this long for Sakura to notice that her new cards paralleled the old cards

Syaoran is staring at Kaito like he murdered his spouse in a previous life 

“So he has Moon magic too?” UHHHH WAS SYAORAN’S MAGIC ALWAYS MOON-BASED I FEEL LIKE THAT’S NOT CLEAR

Also very unclear why Eriol keeps leaving her on read if he’s talking to Syaoran what

I love how Kero has independent friendships and communications with both Yukito and Tomoyo lmao

How many times has Penguin Park been destroyed by now

“Perhaps your dream is gradually progressing” Progressing into what exactly the Battle of the Nice Thirteen-Year-Olds

Why is it that magic in this universe comes with above-average athletic ability LOL

Once again, without a body/personification, these cards seem harsh

Kaito seems like too much of a red herring a la Mizuki so I’m going to assume the other presence we see is someone we either haven’t met yet or smth really fucked up with the rest of the main cast 

I’d lose my mind if it was Toya but I genuinely hope not he’s too nice

I honestly missed Meilin ever since she chilled out a bit she’s very fun

“The emoji in her message definitely looked thrilled” [Bob Dylan voice] For the times they are a-changin’.....

“I don’t know when it’ll happen, but when it does you’ll know” Toya.......

Toya’s absolutely nonplussed reaction to his Moon Boyfriend never ceases to amaze

Yukito: [Sighs and floats into the air to wrap in a wing cocoon]

Toya: [Sitting and staring unfazed] 

Also am I crazy or was that transformation on purpose bc it really had the energy of ‘Fine if you won’t talk to me maybe you’ll talk to Rude Magical Me!!’

“Did I change again?” GUESS NOT LMAO 

Also it’s fun how as different as Yukito and Yue are, their shared brain cell says ‘TOYA COMMUNICATE WITH MEE’ 

“But ever since Syaoran came back, he’s had something important on his mind” People don’t give Sakura enough credit for her emotional intelligence

Can we take a minute to appreciate Sakura’s outfit fashion ICON

What is this Furry card that makes u dress up in ears and a tail lmao

“I’ll treasure [these cookies]” “I’d rather you ate them” LOL

My Furry card prediction gets more and more accurate with each passing second (even a broken clock’s right twice a day)

Uhhhhh Syaoran what did u sell to the moon devil to be able to cut through the space-time continuum

Sakura: NO THAT’S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SYAORAN

SCREAM this family and their circle of hair cutting (also if Yukito cuts Toya’s hair, does Toya cut Yukito’s? Or does it not grow bc magic jfhkfh)

“I’m pretty sure that was middle school English” Sakura hearing English is me hearing French LMAO 

“Sucks, doesn’t he?” MEILIN PLS

Djhfjkdhkjfhjk Tomoyo’s immediate rage at being the centre of attention

SAKURA DOING MAGIC RIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE OMG

“Surround the entire mansion” Very subtle Sakura I’m sure no one in your whole town will notice

“I hear her father specializes in archaeology, so he might have some interesting books” “Have I mentioned Sakura-san’s father to you before?” [Dramatic cut in music] WELL

Oh my GOD did Kaito just turn back time bc he regretted what he said immediately? Honestly a mood

Also: BITCH

“You’re so alike, and not just because of your names” I have to say I’ve been thinking since her first appearance that Akiho looks like Nadeshiko so if they’re not related I will be surprised

“Sometimes watching good people makes me feel sad” well damn Meilin

I’m going to guess this Teenage Robot is the equivalent of the fight card that Meilin fought upon her introduction

Aw HELL YEAH SAKURA AND MEILIN TAG TEAM FIGHT WOOOO

“Aren’t you and Syaoran doing too much for those you care about, and forgetting to care about yourselves?” WELL DAMN MEILIN U R THE NEW TEENAGE SUPERHERO THERAPIST

 “Can I call you ‘Sakura’ from now on, too?” AHHH THESE KIDS

LMAO AMAZING IT TOOK 13 STRAIGHT EPISODES FOR MOMO TO EVEN TWITCH

“We are indeed progressing... toward that time” I feel THREATENED

Once again I cannot stress strongly enough how much I love physical comedy

Sakura: They don’t seem to be causing any harm

The dessert rolls:

GOD the roll cakes eating each other to form one giant monster Babushka doll roll cake jhfjkdhgkdjhgkj incredible

EXCUSE ME MA’AM WHY WAS THERE A DEMON GIRL IN THE REFLECTION OF THIS SHATTERED CARD 

“Please laugh again” Akiho is v nice I really hope Kaito isn’t mean 

“Once a magical contract is formed, it can’t be broken, unless something really serious happens” [Quirrel voice] Can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is?

“What do you feel” “I think it’s a card” Very observant Sakura I think they gathered that

When Sakura gets all four of the base elements is Momo going to turn into a 200 pound giant rabbit

I like that every time Toya is concerned about Sakura, Yue appears suddenly to discuss the matter seriously with him [Gay and Wondorous Life of Caleb Gallo voice] He’s in this relationship!!

“When you’re angry or upset, it shows on your face, even if you don’t say it” Yue IS in this relationship woooow

“When humans realize they’re talking to a fox, they won’t sell you mittens. In fact, they’ll catch you and put you in a cage.” UH who is the fox in this metaphor not Sakura I hope???

Years later Syaoran is still winded if Sakura makes too much eye contact khgkghkjg 

The fact that Yukito reads at a children’s hospital... truly one of The Nicest Not-Humans On Earth

Well with each passing episode we have less and less reasons to trust these cards and Kaito the Young Magical Butler

Ever since Kaito reversed time, I cannot shake the persistent thought that Akiho IS Nadeshiko. That’d be weird but u know... I’ve seen this show do weirder

“Your sweets look better” “No, yours!” Grandpa witnessing this date

“Also if Sakura-chan goes to college or wants to do something else, he wants to help” TOYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Any further, and you won’t be able to return” NADESHIKO BE MORE SPECIFIC 

“It was my robe” Wait what ur family is a magical society or smth and somehow u don’t know Akiho??? How in the whomst

Everyone in this anime is like, ‘Haha Yue looks mad’ as if Yue does not look mad every second that he’s alive

KHKJHKFJHKJFHJ GRANDPA MASAKI REALLY GONNA GIVE SAKURA A HOUSE AND TOYA NOTHING LMAO WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE THE LEAST FAVOURITE GREAT-GRANDCHILD LOL

“Nadeshiko would talk to things that weren’t there, and try to reach an understanding with things that couldn’t talk” 91 EPISODES LATER AND MR. KINOMOTO FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGES MAGIC?? OKAY

AND HE KNEW BOTH SAKURA AND TOYA HAVE HAD MAGICAL PROBLEMS FOR 3 YEARS!!! MR. KINOMOTO WHAT KIND OF HANDS-OFF PARENTING

“I want me to tell me [about your pain] too” wow this is the CALL-OUT EPISODE

“The house they live in was once torn down and replaced with an amusement park” were the continuity errors of accepting the second movie... A PLOT POINT?!?!?!

DAMN U KAITO I REALLY WANTED THINGS TO BE OKAY FOR AKIHO

“But I’ve got a great poker face” “Yes you do. But Yue does not” JKHDKJGHKJSHGKJHDKJGHSDJGHKJH BY DIALOGUE ALONE IT’S LIKE WHENEVER ANYONE SEES YUE’S FACE TWITCH IT MEANS HE’S HAVING AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN

Yue: Evil magic looming overhead is bad for your wifi signal actually

“I will obtain these new cards. So I can use the relic I took from the association to activate that magic spell” Kaito really laying out his motivations out loud in a library. Insensible. Vague and probably misleading. 1/10 villainous monologue 

Sakura’s powers are WILD she can duplicate the strength of her magic 

“Power that’s too strong will bring unhappiness to its owner” SYAORAN :((

I feel like the only way this can end is Toya giving Sakura magical noogie so she doesn’t have to carry all of her powers like the reverse of what he did for Yue-kito 

THERE IS TOO LITTLE TIME LEFT IN THIS SHOW FOR ALL THE ANSWERS I NEED THERE’S ONLY 20 MINUTES AHHHH

THERE ARE 12 MINUTES LEFT AND STILL NO ANSWERS!!! WHAT HAPPENSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I GOT ABSOLUTELY NO ANSWERS OH MY GOD?!?!?!?!

[scornedlove]

Chapter Twenty One

ROBYN

“Thanks for coming with me today.” Melanie beamed, showing her pearly whites as she arranged her photos on the display. Jermaine usually accompanied her during festival events she worked to keep her company, but since we were leaving for Barbados tomorrow, we made it a girl’s night. She was a vendor for “Jazz on the Lawn” this year, a cultural event for arts in the city. She brought sixteen photographs and sold half in the first hour we’ve been here, I felt like a proud big sister.

“Of course, you know this is my kind of shit; food, music, and art. It’s like we’re getting a head start for crop over, I wish Rayven would’ve came.” I frowned, thinking about how antisocial she’s been lately. She seemed to be back to herself, but different all together. She’s a lot quieter than before and a complete homebody. She doesn’t leave home, other than when we go to work. I never thought it was possible, but I’m starting to miss her smart mouth.

“She’ll get back to herself eventually, but I like the new Rayven a little better” she admitted with a shrug. "And this don’t compare to crop over, I can’t wait”

“True, but I swear this event is twice as big as it was the last time I came. When Chris and I used to come here together, I would lay out on a blanket and listen to the music while he sold his paintings, and it was never this many people” I reminisced aloud, while rocking along to the band currently playing.

“Un-un. You gotta stop doing that” she frowned, shaking her head.

“Doing what?” I asked confused. I was only doing a slight rock to the beat, if she was already embarrassed, she hadn’t seen nothing yet.

“Stop referencing him in every conversation” she criticized, before turning on her professional face and voice to approach a couple who was coming over to browse her photos. She talked as they browsed until they found one they both couldn’t walk away from.

“You gotta understand that it’s hard not to mention him, we were together for almost as long as I been here. He’s apart of damn near every memory I have, especially in the city” I explained, as soon as her customers were out of ear shot.

“I’m sorry sis, but it’s time to make some new memories. Have you talked to Dre recently?” she asked changing the subject. She swore he was the answer to my problems, but I begged to differ. He’s just as damaged as I am, only difference is he doesn’t even realize it.

“No. I’ve been so busy.  Working non-stop. We’ll be dropping the uh winter collection for River Island soon” I stammered while playing with my hair.

“Excuses, excuses” she rolled her eyes, giving me a dismissive wave. “That boy loves you. You need to give him a real chance”

“What makes you think he ‘loves’ me?” I scoffed, entertaining her assumptions.

“Do you not remember me giving Jermaine the same run around you’re giving Dre? Look at us now.” she smiled, glancing down at her ring finger.

“So , now that you’ve been married for five minutes, you’re the love expert” I chuckled and she flipped me off.

“No, I’m not an expert. I took good advice from my sister and now I couldn’t be happier”

“You’re just happy to be getting consistent dick after that long ass drought” I snickered . It was still unbelievable that my promiscuous best friend somehow ended up married before me, so it was hard to take her serious.

“Laugh all you want, but you’re right. I get consistent dick, massages, conversation, and love in general. Let that sink in” she winked, leaving me to tend to her growing crowd, as a few more people came over.

The smell of food filled my nostrils while I watched and waited. Mel was working, so I found myself wondering off to find something to eat. The closest thing I found was a taco truck and thankfully there was only a handful of people in line.

“Lots of hot sauce please.” I gave the friendliest smile I could, encouraging the worker to give extra after handing me our food. I was so excited about the extra hot sauce he gave me, that I didn’t notice I was being watched.

“Let me help you with that!” someone called out, stepping out of line to help me balance the drinks, food, and my wallet, as I was about to walk past.

“Chris? What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to keep my face platonic. I wasn’t his biggest fan right now. Somehow, I inadvertently befriended his girlfriend. “I didn’t realize you still participated in this event.”

“I don’t, but I know several artists that are. I’m here for support” he shrugged, before taking the drinks I was carrying.

“Who are you here with?” I asked, praying it wasn’t Tae. She came down to the boutique a few weeks ago. We went over some ideas, then tweaked them back and forth through email for a few days. Eventually, we came up with a design that she loved for their bridesmaid dresses. I'm over her existence in general. All she talked about was how ‘in love’ her and her man were, and there was no way Chris was that into her.

“I came with Trey. He’s out looking for the beer, while I get the food.” he replied, before asking me the same thing.

“I’m here with Mel” I revealed, nodding towards her as I began to walk in that direction. Her crowd had died down and she was grinning from ear to ear while texting. That is, until she looked up and spotted Chris following my lead.

“Why am I not surprised?” she asked throwing her hands up and shaking her head at me.

"You're looking good too Mel" Chris nodded towards her, killing her with kindness. I knew he was still on her bad side, so I didn’t expect her to be nice or even hold her tongue around him.

"Yup" she retorted, folding her arms and refusing to look at him. He looked at me as if there was something I could say to change her attitude, but I stayed out of it.

“Trey’s wedding is soon, on the thirty-first. Are ya’ll going to make it?” he asked changing the subject while looking from her to me.

“Nope” Mel replied before taking her Coke from his hand and the plate of tacos from me, then dismissing herself.

"She'll come around ...I hope" I mumbled, frowning at her spitefulness.

"Speaking of coming around, T told me you came by the gallery last week. I wish you would've told me you were coming; we could've grabbed a bite to eat or something"

"Well I was in the neighborhood and it's been a minute so, I decided to see what you've been up to lately. By the way, I was not disappointed" I smiled, thinking of the piece I purchased. It was completely different from anything he’s ever done.

“Thanks. I’ve fallen in love with spray paint” he admitted, a broad smile spreading across his face revealed his dimples.

“There you are. I called you several times bro!” Trey interjected, coming from behind Chris and slapping his shoulder. I jumped back a little, then grabbed my drink so they didn’t drop it with all their roughing around.

“My bad, I ran into Robyn and got sidetracked”

“Robyn?!” Trey exclaimed, finally noticing me. He pulled me into a bear hug then playfully spun me around, making my shirt twirl. “You’re looking good girl”

“You look good too” I gushed. “Congrats on everything. I’m sorry I won’t be able to make the wedding but I’m so happy for you and Lala”

“Thank you. Who’s the lucky guy?” he asked, noticing the diamond on my ring finger. Chris’ eyes widened as he struggled to look around Trey and get a glimpse of the ring himself.

“Oh nah, that’s not that kind of ring” I explained, pulling my hand back. I could’ve sworn I heard Chris sigh of relief and his posture relaxed.

“Did you find the beer or nah?” Chris interrupted, getting between us.

“No, but check this out” he grinned, pulling a clear plastic bag from his pocket and holding it up to Chris’ nose.

“That shit nasty. I got a stick in the car. You trying to blow right now?” he asked, ready to smoke.

“Yeah, let me see if I can find us a couple of coronas first, then I’ll meet you at the car. It was good seeing you Robyn” he added, before disappearing into the crowd.

“So, Mama’s grilling on Labor Day this year” Chris stated, turning his attention back to me. “I told her about running into you and she wanted me to invite you.” he revealed, pulling off his cap and running his hands across the top of his head.

“Why doesn’t she invite your current girlfriend?” I probed, wondering what Ms. Joyce was up to.

“She did, but she won’t be able to make it. She has something going on with her family”

“I don’t know if I’ll be in the city then, but I’ll let you know.” I replied with a half shrug. “I’m trying to hit that blunt with ya’ll tho”

“Since when do you smoke?” he asked, raising his brows.

“Since I’m grown and do what I want” I snapped, throwing my hands on my hips. 

“Damn, my bad. I didn’t mean to offend you. I never imagined you smoking weed” he grinned, biting his bottom lip.  

“Well I’m not the Robyn you used to know.”

“That’s perfect, because I’m not the Chris you used to know” he replied, before leading the way to the parking lot.

We hot boxed two blunts of some of the strongest weed I’d ever had in Trey’s car and my high ass couldn’t stop giggling. No matter how corny their jokes were, Chris and Trey had me in the back seat in tears for twenty minutes straight.

“If I would’ve known you get like this after smoking, we would’ve been doing it together.” Chris confessed when Trey stepped out of the car to take a phone call.

“I'm not usually this giggly. Actually, smoking usually makes me horny” I replied when I finally caught my breath.

“We’re not even going to go there”

“Why not? We can’t talk about sex if we aren’t having it?”

“Hell nah, talk about that shit with Mel. I don’t want to hear shit about you fucking anybody else.”

“Who says I’m fucking anybody else?” I smirked, enjoying the jealousy on his face.

“So, you’re gonna sit here and tell me you haven’t had sex since we’ve been together?” he quizzed, tilting his head to the side.

“That’s not what I said. I’m not fucking anyone currently, but I’ve been with one person since you.” I admitted unapologetically, before opening the door and putting the blunt out on the ground.

“I’ve had my share” he agreed with a nod, refusing to give an exact number.

“Well, I bet none of em got nothing on me” I smirked, noticing the bulge in his pants.

“You sound pretty confident”

"Because you're happy to see me” I grinned, nodding towards his erection.

“My bad. It's not you- I mean, not like you don't look good, because you do." He stammered with bright red cheeks while adjusting himself. "It’s been awhile”

“Oh, your girlfriend got you on punishment? I’m sure you deserve it” I teased with a giggle. “What you do?”

“It’s not even like that” he paused, then sighed when he saw me waiting for him to continue. “she’s celibate”

“So ya’ll haven’t even...?” I gasped and he quickly replied with a shake of the head.

“Damn, you went from having your cookie and eating it too, to having a drought!" I laughed loudly as my phone started to ring.

It was Mel cursing me for leaving her for so long. I started to argue that she was being dramatic, but then I noticed we had been gone for almost an hour.  I hung up with her and promised Chris we'd hang out again soon before we parted ways.

Surprisingly, Mel didn’t complain or have one negative thing to say when I came back. She sold everything she’d brought so we hung out for another hour before calling it a night.

Early the next morning, Rayven claimed she wasn’t feeling good and decided to sit out on crop over. I would’ve made a big deal about it, but I remembered the last encounter she had with her mom. That had to be the real reason she was avoiding BIM.

“The holidays will be here in no time; I’ll go then.” she groaned with her face in her pillow as I stood there with my hands on my hips. “Fine, I guess you can stay with Ollie and Pepe” I shrugged without a fight. I was glad I wouldn’t have to board my babies, and it’s not like I could force her to go anyway.

An hour later, Mel and I boarded the plane with so much excitement. We had fun people watching and talking shit, but it wasn’t long before she passed out and I was on my own. I wish I had that gift, but I was no longer taking the anxiety medicines that could help with that. I hadn’t even noticed I was taking less the past couple of months. Only, I was also smoking more and that usually did the trick a lot faster.

Instead of sleeping, I found myself catching up on some work. Fashion week was creeping up and there were a couple pieces that didn’t feel complete. I was being indecisive on some finishing touches.

I was also working on an event of my own. Last year, I was so depressed that I didn’t even celebrate the first anniversary of Robyn’s. This year, we’re going to begin an annual fashion show and I was keen to the idea of my very own catwalk. It meant more work, but I was more motivated than I’ve been in awhile and I wanted to milk this feeling as much as I can.

We were close to landing when I completed my plan and I felt accomplished. So much that I couldn’t wait to get back to put my ideas into effect.  The moment we arrived, that changed. Work slipped my mind as the smell of the ocean filled me up and a satisfied feeling crept over me, we were home.

We spent the night at moms catching up with the family and getting ready for carnival. I talk to my family several times a week, but I never notice how much things are changing until I see them.

Rorrey was working on music at the studio. He and Lele were still going strong. They were three years in and so in love with each other. They had an innocent puppy love, but could still teach grown folk a thing or two.

Rajad finally had his first girlfriend so he was at her place. I had yet to meet her, but he sent me some pictures of them. She was beautiful and I've never saw my brother smile so big, so I knew she was good for him.

Mom and dad were also bit by the damn love bug. They kept stealing kisses, so I assumed they were on good terms. It bugged me, but I kept my opinion to myself.

Gran looked happy, but was frailer than the last time I saw her. I noticed Bravo being extra careful with her, as if she were a china doll. Nothing or no one could stop her from wukking up with us girls. She danced as island music blasted through the house until her feet hurt. Mel, Lele, and I wined and gave ourselves a warm up for tomorrow until the sun started to creep up.

Carnival was a blast as always. It came and went so fast. All I remember is wining on whoever was close enough and drinking with Lele as if our lives depended on it. I could always count on her to be my turn up partner. Today was no different and after barfing for the second time since we got to the beach, I had finally taken the edge off.

“See Rob? What I tell ya bout mixin that shit?” Lele cackled. I flipped her off and rolled my eyes at the same time. She hiccuped loud as hell, then threw her head back in laughter. She was laughing so hard, she almost dropped the cup she was holding.

While the waves crashed behind us, Mel, Ella, Le, Nita, and I were all huddled around a bonfire. We were smoking and vibing to Rorrey's latest music, while recuperating from today’s festivities.

“You know I gotta ask you Mel” Nita began with a smirk, after passing up on the blunt. “How’s it feel for ya pokey to be back in business?” 

“It feels fuckin fantastic” Mel exclaimed as she proceeded to explain to us that her husband has a magic dick. 

“But the best part isn’t even about the sex, Jermaine is a rare breed. He’s so attentive and supportive, things I didn’t even know I wanted in a man, I find in him.”

“Blasted, I need to be celibate” Nita thought aloud.

“That’s what all the hoes are doing now days” I teased, before falling into a laughing fit. 

“What dat mean?” Mel asked, tilting her head in confusion. 

“I found out yesterday that Chris and Tae are celibate.” 

“Wait, you’re back on speaking terms with Chris?” Ella chimed in, finally taking her eyes from her phone since we got here.

“What the fuck? When did this happen and why?” Lele snapped, demanding answers. I gave them the quick version of how we got back in good graces, but Lele still wasn’t buying it.

“Look bitch, I know ya got history with him and all, but don’t you wanna try something new? Someone that ain’t horning when you ain’-”

“Chill! We’re friends”

“Don’t listen to dem Robbie, and don’t explain yourself. You can’t help who you love. If you think he’s changed and ya’ll wanna try again, do it . Fuck everybody’s opinions” Ella condoned. 

“But watch it from dey” Nita yelled. “You just now gettin back to yourself, be careful. 

“Everything ‘bout that situation woke my ass up from lala land. Ya’ll don’t have to worry about me. I will never be that dumb or naïve again. ” I reassured them, and I meant it. Lele was still skeptical, and even though Mel kept quiet, I knew she was too. 

Still, I meant what I said. After all I’ve been through, I’ll always be on my toes and I refuse to tolerate any bullshit. My happiness is priority and any man that doesn’t agree and put forth the effort to prove it, isn’t worth my time.

As we sat in silence passing the blunt, my mind couldn’t help but wonder. I wondered if hanging out with Chris was a mistake. I knew where I wanted it to lead, but what if he were playing games with me once again. He agreed to be celibate for another woman, but couldn’t keep it in his pants for me. The thought of that made me jealous, but I can’t deny that I’m happy to see growth in him all at the same time.

“Don’t think about it too much” Mel uttered, pulling me out of my own mind. “Let it go. Don’t fight it, don’t stress. Whatever happens, happens.”

"I needed to hear that" I nodded in agreement, realizing she was right. 

"I got ya back" she stated, throwing her arm around my shoulders.It wasn’t long before Lele followed suit, then the other girls. Before I knew it, we were all huddled on the ground in laughter with sand in our hair and clothes. We were in our happy place.  

[fuck-customers]

Friday was a car crash. So, starting next week we have a HUUUUGE sale - as in 70%-of-our-stock sale. There's a lot of prepping - e.g remerching the store, pricing everything, getting the stockroom in order, training newer staff on processes, etc. We have a lot of new staff who are not comfortable with all this prepping so it leaves myself, the visual merchandiser and the rest of the 'full time lot' and two or three part-timers to do it all. HOWEVER, head office decide to fuck us up, and our VM up, one more. For Friday (14.07) they wanted the whole of our windows to be remerched for back to school. We have to do the windows EXACTLY how they want them to be and EXACTLY when. It seemed like the task would be okay at first until we realise the day before they sent us half the wrong shit and that our windows are set up completely different to all the examples. It's fucked as they're due to be started on after close on Thursday (10pm) and before open on Friday (10am). This is impossible as we can't get anyone that last minute to do a nighshift AND it needs to be approved by our area manager first. One of our supers stays back an hour or two after closing so he can set most of it up (e.g just get all the shit in the windows). My manager and the VM go in at 6am as planned to hopefully finish it anyway. I usually start at 8am with another co-worker. Our job is usually to get the store ready to open. To tidy, to replenish stock and to check up with delivery. It's quite a lot to do and usually takes the full two hours and we're usually still replenishing stock when we're open. My co-worker calls in, and, due to transport I'm in work at 7.40am where I'm asked to start work asap. So, I start doing the work of two people, whilst my boss keeps radioing me and asking me to stand outside and give the verdict on the windows (...not terrible but not what head office had planned either). It's A LOT. For opening, we usually have two managers/supervisors, our VM, the two people who come in at 8 and another member of staff. Another manager and sometimes another staff member comes in for close at 12, and part timers do shifts throughout the day/night. On Friday we just had myself, the manager, the VM and our super. Due to being short staffed, we only had one person coming in at 12 and then two people coming in at 6 to help close. The windows were NOT done so it left me and my super on the shopfloor until 12. Nobody in the back, not enough staff to do any floor sale prep either....fucking great. The first three "sales" are all refunds as well. Which sets the day off to be G R E A T. There's then this really needy lady who has me up and down our stockroom about 12 times getting her every single size in every single dress. She leaves buying one. My boss is running around panicking like fuck, keeps phoning head office, other stores, our area manager, etc etc etc for guidance on this impossible task. FINALLY, just before 12, things calm down. Our VM comes out of the window and starts writing notes before deciding to take her (long, overdued) break. I go to the back of the store and start tidying when all of a sudden...out of our door that leads to the back...comes a delivery driver. I'm like ??? as we get deliveries usually about 12.30pm and they come from the upstairs back door - we have a backdoor downstairs too but it just leads to the bins in the malls. The doors are all alarmed and we have a big sign on our door saying "ring ____ if you have a delivery" as we don't have a buzzer and it saves us from the binmen constantly knocking on our door asking us if we have rubbish. We then open the door, take in our cartons and sign whatever we have for them. We then scan delivery into our stock, compile a report and then put away backstock and pull newstock/needed stock to go out on the floor. So, my boss is in the windows, our VM is standing at the till writing and our super is sick and decides to tidy something ...somewhere. So she's still on the floor but not standing about to barf everywhere. Leaving me standing face to face with this guy. "Hiya?" I bean, confused. HOW DID HE GET IN? DID SOMEONE LET HIM IN? IS THERE A FIRE? A BOMB? FUCK. "Can you take in this FUCKING deliver?" The guy barks. I assume our VM let him in through the bin door, possibly due to the guy being in a rush and she's just left him and not signed anything. I nod and go with him. Nope. No delivery at downstairs. He runs upstairs huffing and puffing, "I was banging on your door for fifteen fucking minutes. I tried calling and the line was engaged. What the fuck? You're making me fucking late...." He goes on and on and on, I apologies, explain our lack of staff/window situ. And he goes, "I know its not your fault, pal. I'm fucking late though. Why the fuck have a number on the door if nobody can answer?" I then see what he's done to our back door, he's KICKED IT IN and the alarm is going off. "I set it off ages ago, why the fuck did nobody come check it?" "You can only hear the alarm from upstairs...?" I reset it and he shoves 20+ boxes at me (we were expecting 7...). He gets me to sign whilst still ranting and raving. I organise all the boxes but decide against scanning it all rn, as we're super low on staff. However, I radio downstairs first to make sure. "....so uh... the delivery guy broke into the back and delivery is here..." is all I muster to my supervisor. "Fuck- I'll go get [manager]. Come downstairs. We'll deal with delivery later." I tell the story to everyone in and my boss is SUPER mad. More mad about the guy swearing to me (even tho we all swear all the time) than him breaking into the shop and phones the delivery company asap I mean… I just thought he was rude. The swearing didn’t really upset me but my boss is super angry cos I “don’t get paid enough to hear that shit” and because he knows I have quite bad anxiety triggered by confrontation and was worried that if I was in a worse mood it could have set me off or whatever. He looks at the CCTV and is close to going through the back where other stores get their deliveries and chasing the guy but then thinks it’d make his complaint less …serious? …anyway, after all this hassle guess who comes in for a “visit”? OUR FUCKING AREA MANAGER. Friday was stressful. … The delivery company are refusing to believe the guy was swearing at me because he is a “timid guy” big nope the guy was the one of the most gobby people I ever heard. My manager just responds with something along the lines of, “Why would my staff member who is actually kinda shy lie? She was distressed after this….” goes on a lot… They also refuse to believe he broke into the store as other stores let delivery drivers in the back door. My manager responds with the fact he should have took a step back when the alarm went off as opposed to keep running in and out of the door (witnessed on CCTV) AND THAT we have a sign that says “THIS DOOR IS ALARMED, NO ENTRY - CALL [NUMBER] FOR DELIVERY & ACCESS.” … My supervisor gets sent home sick and my manager and the VM leave early, leaving me and my supervisor until two people come in for the close. Or so we thought. A new start from another location came in as he was supposed to train her (forgot to cancel due to change in shifts) and another staff member who agreed to do overtime today last week came in although there was no record of this. Both staff members stayed which was good for me bc otherwise I would have probably had to stay behind to help out! Very stressful day - I got the Saturday off after it too which helped me relax after the most wild of days.

[alphacrone]

i found this post in my drafts and have ZERO memory of writing it (thank u alcohol) so im gonna put it in my queue lol

ok but imagine 

Bitty comes out to his parents but he doesn't tell them about Jack, thinks it's for the best, maybe to ease his parents into things or maybe to keep the pool of People Who Know as small as possible 

and like yeah Ransom and Holster are super oblivious but Suzanne Bittle is not, not when it comes to her son, because she is a certified Nosy Southern Mother and she can see he's been acting differently, happier but quieter, always on his phone and blushing when she asks about boys

and he talks about the team a LOT 

Jack's one of his best friends and he's just started his NHL career, so of course Bitty’s never gonna shut up about Jack

(Same goes for Shitty and law school. And eventually Ransom and med school. Dicky is proud of his friends and wants everyone to know. He gets that trait from Suzanne, she understands)

but he keeps talking about this one Boy, how sweet he is and how his smile is like a sack of puppies and how bitty's always making this boy do things with him like baking and getting froyo and going shopping and Suzanne is like. Yes. This must be Dicky's secret boyfriend. 

 the next family weekend or whatever, Suzanne demands to meet this Chowder boy who's stolen Bitty's heart

Bitty is both confused and mortified

“No, Mother,” he says. “Chowder is my friend, I mean look at him, that sweet precious baby fawn of a goalie-”

Suzanne is Not Convinced

“Mhmm,” she replies. “Sure, baby. Sure.” 

but bitty can’t disobey his mother, so he drags the Frogs into the kitchen and introduces them all at once

so dex is like “um ok nice to meet you ma’am” and nursey’s all “sup mrs. b” and then Chowder - sweet Chowder - goes over and hugs her and starts rambling on a mile a minute about how much the team loves bitty and gosh it’s so nice to meet you, mrs. bitty’s mom, thank you for the care packages and oh do you watch hockey what team do you root for my team’s the sharks they’re ‘swawesome hey are you coming to our game tonight i think the coaches are gonna start bitty which is So Great because bitty is So Great of course the entire team is So Great but you know we all just love bitty So Much-!

Suzanne is Very Much Convinced

bitty’s gone bright red and none of the Frogs can figure out why

so i think by this point Ransom & Holster have a running joke about Bitty’s Secret Boyfriend bc, even tho they know, they’re Major Shitheads

(”Who’re you texting, Bits?” “Oh, uh, Jack.” “Pshyeah right, look at that blush. Who are you really texting?” “Oh, my God, I swear I’m just texting Jack.” “Bro, it’s gotta be your secret boyfriend.” “Adam Birkholtz, I swear to Jesus-”)

so R&H are messing around in the kitchen as bitty and his mom make a pre-game pie or something and bitty’s texting with jack about how mortifying his day has been when, of course, it gets worse

“Dude, stop texting your Secret Boyfriend,” Ransom says, giving Bitty a shit-eating grin.

bitty goes super pale. 

normally the joke is just kind of annoying but His Mother is Right Here And

Suzanne perks up.

“What was that?” She asks in that slow, sweet, unassuming way that all middle aged southern ladies use when they smell blood in the water

Bitty knows he’s Fucked

“Oh, hahahaha, just an inside joke, Mama, I’m just texting Jack, these boys and their silly little jokes, tell her it’s a joke, Justin”

so now Suzanne is almost certain Bitty’s hiding a boyfriend from her. she gets it, her mama never knew about half the guys she dated and she never had to Come Out to her mama. but Suzanne is not a saint and privacy doesn’t really exist when it’s your flesh and blood

“So, Adam. Justin. Tell me more about that sweet, little Christopher,” she says. “He’s real cute. Don’t you think so, Dicky?” 

to bitty’s delight, though, R&H go straight into Captains mode

“Oh, yeah, Chow’s a great asset to the team.” “One of the best goalies I’ve ever known.” “Real go-getter attitude.” “Hard worker. Weird fear of pucks, though.” “Still. What a guy.” 

Bullet dodged, crisis averted. Bitty breathes easy for a moment. 

so in this time he’s managed to text Chowder and has asked him to AVOID MAMA BITTLE AT ALL COSTS WHICH

chowder is clearly unable to do

“why????!?? did she not like me?!??? did i say something???!!”

so bitty is trying to calm chowder down and suzanne’s all Sugar Bear Sweetpea Fruit of my Loins WHO ARE YOU TEXTING

and chowder barges into the haus, apologizes a mile a minute for literally Anything he can think of

“I’m sorry for not asking you if you wanted a drink! And I’m sorry for not offering you a tour of the Haus- though I guess Bitty’s already done that- oh! Did I not say it’s nice to meet you?! It’s so nice to meet you!!!” 

and r&h have No Idea what’s happening but they love to Stir the Pot so they’re kinda egging chowder on and Mama B is very, very confused but so happy to see Dicky’s boyfriend is so thoughtful, if not a little...excitable...

So of course this is when the Frogs and Lardo wander in, drawn to sounds of a panicked Chowder

now bitty is on the edge of hysterics, trying to calm chowder down, trying to tell his mother that he’s Not dating chowder without saying those exact words, trying to text jack because who Else would be text while losing his shit??

and then she says it

suzanne just fucking says it

“oh, gosh, honey, i don’t know what you’re apologizin for, but it’s nice to know how polite my dicky’s boyfriend is.”

the silence in the kitchen is heavy with pent-up shock and laughter.

now. chowder can be naive, but he’s a smart cookie. it takes him those few, awkward moments, but he manages to put a couple things together - why bitty wanted him away from Mrs. B, why bitty was acting so weird, why suzanne was being so friendly

so chowder, bless his tender lil heart, plays along

“oh! uh!! well, i just want! to impress my...boyfriend?! my boyfriend’s mom!!”

dex and nursey are beyond confused; lardo has to leave the room so she can laugh

this is Not What Bitty Wanted, however

and then

enter Jack Zimmermann

bitty is just about ready to curl up in a corner and die of Shame

so Suzanne does her whole heart-eyes Jack Zimmermann routine, asking after his father and yadda yadda

but jack definitely heard everything with chowder. and as jealous as he is, it was also hilarious. 

and we all know jack l zimmermann is kind of a little shit

“so I see you’ve met bitty’s boyfriend” he says in his best monotone

(now ransom has to leave because he’s about to wet himself holding back laughter)

“oh, yes, jack, i’ve finally gotten dicky to introduce me, you’d think he didn’t want me to meet sweet christopher”

bitty’s done. he’s leaving samwell immediately. already has a new name picked out for himself, is gonna hitchhike west and dye his hair brown and never speak to anyone east of albuquerque again

“oh, i can’t believe he’s being shy about chowder,” jack says, knowing that he’s probably getting himself into Trouble but plowing forward regardless. “they’ve been together almost a year now”

“WHAT.” is the reaction that comes from three different people in three very different inflections 

(now dex and nursey are taking bets; holster is recording the whole thing to send to shitty; ransom and lardo are watching from the hallway)

“oh, yeah,” jack continues on, with what is probably his Funniest and Most Terrible joke ever. “after they both got dumped by their dates at Winter Screw. right, Bittle?” 

bitty has his face buried in his hands. chowder is Beyond Confused as to why jack’s taking it this far. 

suzanne is THRILLED

so Jack is weaving this long, ridiculous story of the Epic BittyChowder romance that never was and chowder’s starting to feel uncomfortable about the way suzanne is staring at him and bitty is going to Murder his boyfriend if the mortification doesn’t kill him first

“...which is why I’m here today. to fight for bitty’s hand.”

yup. jack 110% zimmermann Goes There. 

“you’re in love with my dicky too??” “do i....do i really have to fight jack??!”

and bitty sees the look in jack’s eyes, the imperceptible nod, and the dam finally bursts: “mother, i’m not dating chowder. and i never wanted you to think i was, but chris was just trying to help me out.” 

and suzanne’s face falls and chowder sort of awkwardly...runs away...to stand in the hall with lardo and ransom

“but then why is jack here?” suzanne asks,

and jack wraps his arm around bitty’s shoulder, smiling down at bitty, and bitty finally gets to say to his mama, “because he’s my boyfriend, mother.” 

suzanne Freaks Out and cries a little and calls bob. in that order. 

but before all of that she hugs them both tight and refuses to let go. 

(years down the road, they play holster’s camera-phone video of the whole Ordeal at the zimmermann-bittle wedding. chowder literally never lives down the chirps, but hey -- that’s what best men are for.)

[itsjayyyy]

January 16, 2019 4:51 pm

So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”

After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi. 

friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly. 

i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity. 

on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c

i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:

anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.

tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.

then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.

here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.

i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)

anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.

[stress-bob]

HERE WE GO

Ok. Worked out, cleaned my room, paid credit card payment, paid rent, posted my probably-wont-make-progress-but-maybe progress picture, and smoked a bowl. My body is ready.

So I was talking about what happened around the time Dea and I broke up recently with a friend, and made me think that it’s been awhile since i’ve sorted through it. Figured why not put as much as I can remember down ~a year and a half later.

Buckle up buttercup,This gonna be looooooooong.

My order of things might be a little muddled, there was a lot going on at the same time.

So let’s back up to before we actually broke up!

For about a year prior I was getting real stressed out about my job. I was in a customer service position working for her Dad actually. He owned a Diesel shop, and had a Company owner in Italy who he was buddies with. Marco (italy guy), asked him to set up a place in the US to service his customer base.

I was going to college at the time, and decided I didn’t want to pass up a really interesting opportunity. I’m mostly glad I did. Anyway, I dropped out to work full time here and ended up making some good money. Most of what I did was answer phone calls and help people solve issues (99.9% of the time they caused) . At some point we started going to trade shows, and that was super super fun. I would fly out, set up a pop up tent and the whole shebang.

I was also sent to Mexico two different times for something similar. Except this one, it was with our distributor who was huge. They took their top 100 dealers on a “land cruise” (used to be an actual one, but they do resorts now), and about 25 manufacturers would pay ~20k to fund and attend this. During 3 of the 6 days, the 100 dealers would be set up at tables or 5. Basically think of speed dating. We’d each go around and give a 30 minute pitch about our product to these guys, answer questions, etc. I believe it was 4-5 hours each of the 3 days. You’d think an introvert like me would have a hard time with that, but it was actually a BLAST.

So what was the issue with the job?

Two big things. Dea’s dad (Rip), and a co worker of mine. I worked with a buddy of mine Adam, and he was fantastic. But we had this other co worker who was an old hick from Idaho (buddy of Rip’s) who was to handle our forum and some online stuff. For most of the time I worked with him it was fine. At some point he got really nasty. We had our own forum going on, and a buddy of his helped set it up for us. There were a lot of stupid things that happened surrounding that.

So eventually he’s outright hurling insults at me basically daily on the private side of this form (for a WHILE), and Rip wouldn’t do shit about it. On top of that, Rip had his own shitshow of a shop to run on top of it, and he’s old and tired. But he wouldn’t really give us the autonomy we needed so we could prioritize and get things done with what we had. We can’t be expected to try to learn fucking SEO while answering calls, updating the website, doing sales etc etc infinity fucking etc. Too much do be done with two people, and it was all expected to be done.

Eventually I was donezos, sent him a longwinded 2000 word email about exactly what I had problems with and why i was leaving (prob still have it).

So during the culmination of my work bullshit, that’s when Dea and I’s problems are starting to come to a crossroad. To be completely fair with myself, this was a long time coming. Tbh not sure exactly how long, but it probably should have been over before this went down.

We’ve always had communication problems. I think fundamentally we just don’t understand each-other well. Sure we both could have pointed out a lot of habits and what each would have done in certain situations, things we liked. But that’s not really the type of understanding i’m talking about.

The first time I realized something might happen is when she asked me about how I felt about polyamory. It’s something I had thought about before, because other women are definitely attractive. But with how long we’d been together, I knew it would bring up a lot of really jealous feelings that wouldn’t be pretty. So when she asked, I answered pretty matter-of-factly that it wasn’t going to work for me.

Looking back she was watching a lot of shows about poly life around this time, fun tidbit.

I wouldn’t say this answer upset her necessarily....but she was clearly idk, put off? Maybe disappointed.

IIRC she eventually asked again, and my answer remained the same. I think this was what spurred the discussion of “I don’t know if this what I want”. I did know what I wanted. She didn’t. What else can I do but wait until she does figure it out? I’m not that type of person that’s going to try and influence her. I could have tried to convince her she would be happy if she stayed or some bullshit. I loved her, and if not being with me is the way it needs to be? Them’s the breaks. I was also so SO tired emotionally. I had nothing left to give at that point.

So she breaks up with me. I think I left to walk to 7-11 at this point, because I needed a break. I don’t actually remember that well. I wasn’t around her right then, regardless. Maybe we were in our room when we broke up. Anyway Not that long after she breaks up with me(5 mins, half hour?), she’s crying and didn’t want to break up.

And of course I didn’t either. That lasted about a month, and she does it for real. Now here’s where the fun stuff started!

Sometime before or shortly after this I found out my Mom has an autoimmune disease that will kill her sooner or later. It’s very possible this is what her contributed to her mom dying when I was 8. So scary stuff yeah?

I quit my job, because FUCK that noise. It was too much.

I stayed living in the same house, but different room. Big mistake. I trusted her ability to communicate too much. Not that mine was stellar (we’ll get into this).

My parents divorce. Which hey, go be happy Mom! Again, sorry Dad, them’s the breaks. Happened to me to not even a month prior. But no, they both decided to be giant shitters. I think my Mom definitely did worse things to him, and to the family. He definitely said some nasty shit too though.

My mom decides to encourage my dad to go visit some family in Ohio (maybe he was thinking about it already? he reconnected with them recently at this point). By the time he comes back, she has a “friend” staying in the house. I feel like she said he was just staying for a while. Well my dad aint dumb, and this is the guy that has been in love with my mom forever, apparently.

She lied to the family a bunch, introduced my sisters kid to Frank even though she SPECIFICALLY told her not to. Her fucking kid’s grandparents split up. Shes like 7 for fucks sake. My sister was LIVID. Like didn’t let my mom see her granddaughter for many months livid. It’s hard to get that trust back. On top of lying to my sister plenty etc etc.  I don’t even want to get into frank right now.

I also had about 9 grand saved up at this point, and decided to not work for awhile and take care of my mental state. I literally could not work anymore after the breakup, and my parents bullshit. Another side note, but a root canal decided to cost me $1500 out of pocket a few months in. Probably like $2k total with the other stuff. Great timing, life. I think I was doing a “staycation” for like, 8 months? ish?

So here I was, jobless (had $$ tho tbf), freshly broken up with, super fucking depressed, stuck in the middle of my parents bullshit when i don’t even have enough for myself (and i’m a grown ass fucking adult too)[[, and just generally lost. Really really lost.

I just remembered. Something that made me pretty angry at the time (guess what leads to resentment?). Very shortly after we broke up, Jordan (the good friend he is), decides to try and set up a guys night for me at john’s house (jordan lived with karis at this point). Of course the bros say “hell yeah!” as they are wonderful. We invite Dex too, because why not?

The time rolls around, Jordan can’t go. Dex does show up at some point. Here’s what happened: Dea was really hurt because people were all getting together to make me feel better, i guess? I don’t remember the wording but....i think she felt like nobody was being her friend in that moment I guess? It was her home alone. And for context we got together every saturday for years pretty much, so I do kinda get it. She was also actually pretty mad at Dex because he showed up. She didn’t invite ANYBODY to do anything. So Jordan had to stay with Karis to comfort her, basically.

Like dude. YOU broke up with me. I get it was also really hard for you too, but put the shoe on the other foot for a goddamned second and consider how I felt in all this. Also consider I didn’t set any of this up. Also consider that you didn’t tell anybody that you needed a friend. I did. Don’t get mad at us for this, fuck.

Here’s where the “this-is-why-i-shoulda-moved-out” happens.

Let me say this up front. I expected Dea to bring back dates. This was definitely part of the deal of still living there. I get it. And I did figure she will be comfortable finding someone sooner, given the poly thing.

She brought someone over about 2 months after we broke up, and had mentioned nothing about this.

Now how this played out, was the night before she says “Hey i’m gonna have a friend over tomorrow”. I just say ok. Didn’t really matter because I didn’t have anywhere I could just go on moments notice like that. Coupla days to figure it out woulda been nice, thanks.

Turns out, it’s a dude that been over before. He was Taylors husband (they were poly before they split) who was at our holloween party like half a year before. To top it off, I got to hear the wonderful sounds of them having sex down the hall. Fucking thanks for that. Happened twice too.

You just shut down yeah? Or maybe that’s just me. How am I supposed to feel 2 months after breaking up a 9 year, third of my fucking life relationship, and within 2 months you’re banging a dude while i’m like 2 rooms over AND CAN HEAR YOU. And a dude that’s been over before for the cherry. FUCK man. I still get a little animated about that one.

Those were the big things. A great way to wrap up the whole burrito though? Dex and I were both given 1 months notice to leave from Rip. MY understanding of the local law was that 2 months is required if you’ve been month to month for more than 1 year (6 years...). He didn’t care, or knew I wouldn’t lawyer up. Whatever. The last and final fuck you was the day I went to get the rest of my shit. BEFORE the time on the notice, the locks were changed. Here I am, at 8 in the morning with a U haul we rented, and we can’t get in the house to get my stuff. What. The. Flying. Fuck.

I sure as shit wasn’t going to talk to Dea at ALL at this point, so I called him and he came down. And he sat there the entire time waiting for us and doing bills. Jesus fuck dude. Like, you think i’m gonna murder your daughter or something ffs?

I think I got most of it. I’ve got some stuff with my current living situation, but it’s really peanuts compared to everything else. I‘m also like, idk fairly happy right now too in general so. I’ve grown a lot, and that gives me some comfort.