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testrella · 8 months

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you're my religion priest! s.geto x reader pt. 2 → pt 1

synopsis: after a steamy night in geto's office, you're compelled to invite the priest to your party. he promises to go but not in the way you expected.

fandom: jujutsu kaisen ⌗ priest suguru geto x female reader ⌗ modern au content warnings: mild cursing, smut, office sex, religious themes(?), public sex i think, angst, no comfort, NSFW.

author's note: search up what onsra means after reading this:)

you were the face of beauty ever since you had moved into the small town. having the beauty being comparable to the top model’s at the time had its blessings and curses.

yet no matter how much trouble it caused you, it was never as bad as the worst one of them all. unable to be with the man you care so deeply for.

geto hadn't seen you since the encounter the two of you had. he had convinced himself it was for the best. he spent all his life living a life of purity, and being devoted to god. only for the 24 year streak to be ended in one night, easily tempted by yours truly.

even though it had been weeks, 2 weeks and 3 days to be exact but who's counting, he had heard countless rumors of you. they called you the devil in disguise. the face of a beautiful fallen angel who only pulls people into the life of sin.

“..then she hosted this big party in the onsra hotel. she said she’d be hosting parties every other friday to ‘revive this dead town’ the absolute nerve of this young lady.”

geto was on his way to his office but stopped at the faint whispering between two older ladies. normally, geto would’ve walked up to them and stopped the gossip immediately. but this was about you, and he craved to know more.

“that is unbelievable. i know her family comes from money but is it necessary to spend that much on a party? to think mrs. johnson would allow her to show off the family's wealth is beyond disgusting.”

“we should start a protest alongside father geto on friday. to demolish her unspeakable acts of this town. i mean her parties are filled with those who sin..”

he heard footsteps coming his way and he rushed to the other side of the hall. once near the end he heard the calls from the ladies he was just eavesdropping on.

“father geto! we have a proposal please wait right there.”

he stops dead in his tracks and turns around. he already knew what they were going to ask, and his mind rushes to find the right answer. yes, it would be good to stop the sinful acts done in this town as much as possible. but was he ready to face you again after one incredible night.

“we must stop the party hosted by y/n l/n at all cost on friday. it’s practically a festival for worshiping satan.”

he found himself in his office making the official details for the protest. as much as he didn’t want to admit it, they were right. your parties consisted of inviting private dancers, well-known politicians from neighboring towns and the wealthy. it was hard for a regular person to enjoy themselves with well profound people let alone people from the church.

the way his hair was pulled into his classic slick bun with a strand of his bangs sticking out gave him a headache. he gently rubs his head before being startled by a knock on his door. yes, the church was open on 24/7 but who would knock at his door specifically at this hour.

he sat in silence, waiting for another knock, or for someone to call out for him. but nothing happened. geto continued to stay silent and wait for some type of life on the other side.

before he could get up and investigate himself, the door was already creaking open. a leg stepped in. more specifically a leg he would recognize. one he hasn’t seen in weeks. a leg with a black laced stocking on it with a matching heel.

“father geto, may i speak with you for a moment? i’ll be quick. please allow me to see you again.”

that’s when your full frame stepped into the room. there you were in all his glory. no amount of cleansing or praying could ever stop his attraction towards you. you seemed to be all dolled up and presentable.

but.. why were you dressed so beautifully at this hour?

“y/n..” he managed to breathed out.

“father geto, i came to apologize to you.” you made yourself comfortable by elegantly sitting on one of his chairs facing his desk. “i fear i might have crossed your boundaries that night. it was never my intention to pr-”

“nonsense. i was being unreasonable and rude.”

you stay quiet, your gaze falls onto your shoes. meanwhile he admires you from where he is. something compels him to stand up from his chair.

“come here y/n.”

your head perks up at the mere sound of his voice. it was something geto had noticed very early on. there were many things he’s noticed with such little time knowing you.

while standing on your own two feet, you wipe your damp palms on your skirt. there was no telling what geto was up to or what was going on in his mind.before you can think, your legs start walking towards him. it’s like your body trusts him more than your mind does.

there you are, looking up at him. he looked stressed. his cheeks were a little hollow and the bags under his were heavier than usual. you wanted to take care of him. you wanted to take him into your arms and let him forget about all his worries one more time. you want to care for him, but would he even let you touch him?

your eyes drifted away from his face and towards his hand that reached for your face. you flinched before he gently caresses your cheek. his pupils dilate at the sight of you and his breathing sounded uneven. geto’s hand leaves your face.

in desperation, you quickly held his hand. guiding it back to the side of your face, letting it rest there.

“geto please..”

god knows i tried.

“can you..”

he knows what he’s about to do goes against what he just preached about the other day. multiple thoughts raced in his mind. mostly all of them screaming at him to turn you away, to leave you alone. geto is well aware he’s doing this out of lust.

“can you bend over my desk?”

the shock on your face was all that needed to be shown. you would’ve never guessed he’d ask you that question. being off caught guard, you were hesitant. the last time you did him a sexual favor, the night quickly turned sour.

“i want to make it up to you. please, will you let me?”

he pleaded with you with his innocent but desperate eyes. you weren’t sure what got into you, but you found yourself bending over. your stomach against the natural wood with papers scattered everywhere, and your ass sticking up in the air.

his cold hands run up your leg, having a rhythmic movement to it. your body naturally flinches at the touch of his cold palms. he stops for a second before starting again from your knee. his hand starts creeping up your thigh, only stopping right before your most sensitive spot.

geto takes not of your black, laced tights. would it be better to take them off or fuck you with them on? he settles on the second one, it was easier for both parties.

his hands move away from your inner thighs and grip your waist. then you feel a strong bulge grinding on you. it will never fail to surprise how big you could feel him through multiple articles of clothing. it felt so good you moaned without even being touched properly.

the hem of your skirt starts to be pulled down, in that same motion, so were your panties. geto groans at the sight of the wet mess you were. it was a saint with no experience, other than that one night, making you feel so aroused.

you weren’t sure why. maybe it was because you enjoyed the thrill of a good boy gone bad for you. or, maybe it was because the chances of you two working out were little to none.

your thoughts were quickly dismissed when you felt his grinding again. he feels your ass being pressed against his hard clothed cock. geto decided it was his turn to strip and pulled out his fat cock.

his large hands start stroking his large girthy cock. the pre cum on his tip is easily slicked away from his strokes. the 24 year old starts teasing you with his tip. putting it in but only half way before pulling out. you whine and shift yourself closer to him. his teasing was getting to you.

finally, geto gets the confidence to thrust inside your warm and tight walls. the room was quickly filled with heaving breathing, moaning and groaning. anyone passing by could hear the loud lewd noises that left your mouth.

his thrusts started off slow, wanting to savor the moment as much as he could. but like an inexperienced person, his hips started moving on his own. the thrusts started going faster, trying to find a comfortable pattern. geto was enjoying himself.

the same could be said for you as well. once you felt his dick drilling into your tight pussy, you clasped your hand over your mouth. it took everything in you from screaming to the god’s above. his dick was hitting every spot perfectly, hitting the bullseye every time.

your hips start moving towards him to get as much as him inside of you. it was a desperate attempt to make him cum first. but your attempts quickly disappeared as he suddenly flipped the position you were in, now your back against the desk.

“i want to see you when you’re cumming all over my cock. be a good girl and let me make you feel better.” he groaned into your ear. you could only nod at his words, being too fucked to give him a proper response.

it’s no surprise that right after that, you can feel yourself creaming all over his cock. you watch as he almost drools at the sight of it. it was addicting and sinister all at the same time. his hips start to falter and his thrust get sloppier. geto was just about to finish right after you.

“inside me geto, i wan-” your moan interrupts your own sentence.

then there's a funny feeling inside you. it wasnt butterflies, no, it was him filling you up. it felt rewarding for not only you but for him as well.

geto stays inside you for a small moment. his forehead rests against yours as he tries to regain his regular breathing pace. the both of you cool down with sweat running down and messy hair.

“y/n, i’m really sorry.”

“it’s okay geto, you made it up to me. right?” you joked.

geto wanted to tell you at that moment. he wanted to confess that half the town wanted to run her out of here. he wanted to propose an idea, to run away together and away from everyone.

he opens his mouth to speak. nothing comes out. he continues to stare into your beautiful eyes. the way your eyes light up when you meet his gaze and how a subtle blush forms on your face makes him realize he feels something strongly about you.

“y/n i’m sorry for what i’m going to-”

you pressed your lips on his. silencing him from his apologies.

geto gets the both of you cold water whale you cleaned up in his office. he was still fighting that internal conflict. it would be wrong for him to treat you one way in private and a completely different way in public.

geto walks into the room and see you dolled up again. not the same mess you were earlier, although he still found that side of you attractive.

“i’m hosting a party in the onsra hotel’s venue, i want you there. i understand if you’re busy but it’d mean a lot if you showed up.” you smiled at him.

he already knew that. in fact, he was most definitely going to show up. the thought of the protest to run you out of the town makes him feel sick. regardles, he smiles to your face and says,

“i’ll be there for you.”

just like he said, geto was a man of his word. there he was, in front of the onsra hotel with the majority of the town behind him. there were people in the town with signs, and crosses in protest against one woman (and her affiliates of course).

he had convinced himself the night before that it was what god would have wanted. the people were right about you, you were nothing but the devil in disguise. even if those nights he spent with you fulfilled him with happiness, it was wrong. geto had no idea what it felt like to be loved for who he was. you loved him, and it scared him.

you made his heart feel like it was tightening and his lungs like they were failing. when you look him directly in the eyes, his stomach feels like there's a pulsing creature inside. it made him feel like there was possibly a demonic entity inside him. but in reality, it was love.

despite it being dark, cold and raining, it didn't stop people from rioting outside the hotel. all of this for a woman who hosted parties for fun, unbelievable you thought. you watched everything from the window. eventually you had to step back once the mob started throwing trash and anything throwable at the windows.

a part of you was so angry that geto could ever do this to you. there was no right word to describe how disappointed, how upset, how angry you were. so angry you could punch him across the face and tell him he meant nothing to you.

but another part of you knew it was a lie. you would never want to hurt him. nor would you have wanted to believe he was capable of this. this wasn’t the geto he showed you the other night.

it doesn’t take long before geto finds himself inside the venue. everyone else from the party has left out of fear. it was just you and geto once again,

“how could you do this to me geto?!” there was enough anger in your voice to make a child cry. “i-i thought we had something good going for us..!”

he doesn’t say anything. instead he pulls a cross out from his back, it was a small but effective cross. you’re now staring down a wooden cross while geto starts mumbling some bible verses.

“are you trying to exorcise me? am i a monster to you? a demon?”

he shuts his eyes tightly to stop any tears from escaping his eyes. it had to be done is what he kept telling himself. the only thing keeping him sane was that he was doing something good. even if he was hurting you.

“geto plea-”

“stop trying to tempt me! i cannot change my ways for you. i will not change my ways for you!” geto’s voice cracked, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. his eyes have yet to make contact with yours. he knew the sight of you will destroy him completely and forget what needed to be done. “y/n i don’t know what you want from me!!”

“i want to be with you, geto.”

everything seems to go quiet for him. he ignores everything around him except you. the yelling from the mob outside, or the cries from the people inside panicking. it all goes silent for him. in his head, the only people in this room were you and him.

“what did you say..?”

“geto, i want to be with you.” your voice was barely above a whisper.

“i can’t.. please leave this town.”

he finally looks at you. your mascara was running down your face, you were on your knees looking down at the floor. you had your hand over your chest as people around you tried picking you up from the floor. no amount of help would help you stand on your own two feet. the sight of you crushed his soul. but, it was for the best.

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kark3lia23 · 5 months

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𝔸/ℕ | 𝕀 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕕𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕦𝕡𝕝𝕠𝕒𝕕

(Church Girl AU)

SUNDAY MORNING

Bakugou POV

Light was all I saw when I first laid eyes on her face,

A radiance that outshone the sun's warm embrace.

Her smile, a beacon of joy in a world so cold,

Her laugh, a melody more precious than gold.

She possesses a will to fight for what she believes,

A strength that in her heart never grieves.

Ochaco, her name, a melody in my heart,

A love so deep, it sets me apart.

But my light has been dimmed by the hardships of training,

The stress of putting up with those she's entertaining.

Her friends, those "idiots," as I've constantly said,

Yet they're a part of her in every way.

Despite the challenges, my light shines on,

In her presence, my worries are gone.

For today, at least, is a day of rest,

A day when our love is at its best.

As God said, Sunday is a day of devotion,

A time to rest after labor's emotion.

My love will finally get her long-awaited rest,

And my heart, with love, will be blessed.

So here's to my light, my love, my all,

Together, we stand, never to fall.

For even as time dims our flame,

Our love will endure, all the same.

Spring

Sunday was always a regular day for me. Other than church, I was often forced to attend with my burden of a family. In a tight suit that felt like if as if it were a straitjacket, I went every Sunday for the first 16 years of my life. Of course I still believe in God and all of that shit but I just strayed away. When I went away for school I never had time to go home to go to church with my family.

Even if i "hated" the people i hung out with I honestly liked hanging out with them

(Izuku included)

School was going great

Becoming a hero was going amazing

But of course summer had to come

And I had to go home

To my same old House

Same old parents

Same old room

Same old bed

Same old church

But of course it couldn't be that easy

Summer

It wasn't like I was dreading going to church in a bad way

Like if you haven't gone to practice in a long time and just had to come back mid lap

That kind of dread

I hadn't been in about a year

But apparently to my mother 'it would be embarrassing if everyone heard I came home and willingly didn't come'

So here I am in my white straitjacket at the door of my church

But we're late

And it wasn't even my fault, the hag forgot her 'good earrings' half way there

So we're here

and they're halfway through the sermon already

The door creaks as my family walks in

Heads turn to look at us

'God this is embarrassing'

And look at that the only open seats are in the front

'Shit'

We walk up to the front and take our seats

When I used to come no one sat in the front, everyone was too scared to be called out by the pastor

But to my surprise there was a single brave soul already at the front of isle

A beautiful brunette with big brown eyes

Not a dirt color but like a owls

She sits there with a pen and notebook and hand

Looking deep into my eyes as I walk down the damned isle

She was dressed in all white like a wolf in sheep's clothing

except there is no wolf

just her

She is glowing

I see the light bouncing off her pale skin

I finally sit down

Eyes not leaving hers

I make a silent vow to myself to find her after this

Finally after 2 hours of the pastor preaching we were free to go

I can go find her

She's not going to be hard to find

I think

Everyone at my church wears big fancy hats and bright colors

Like pink or a type of green

She was the only one in the room wearing white

other than me of course

---

Its been about 30 minutes

She must have left unnoticed by me

Unless...

I haven't checked the pastors office

But there's no way that's the priest's daughter

Right?

I've stood outside the priests office for about 2 minutes

but I hear her voice

She sounds angelic

"Ochaco I would like you to attend the church more" I hear the pastor say, "Father you know that I'm swamped at school studying and training is one of my devotions along with god. You paid for me to be there for all 3 years, I want to use your time and money to the best of my abilities. I'm really sorry bu-"

"Ochaco you're rambling but we can talk about this when we get home"

I guess I was right

I guess that explains her being front and center

"Ok father I'll leave now..."

I step back as I see her beautiful face in person

Its obvious she doesn't wear any make up just some lip gloss

she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen

We look at each other in awe

Eyes not leaving each others as she closes the door

"Hi"

---

"Hi"

𝕆𝕜 𝕘𝕦𝕪𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥'𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕖 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕥 𝕠𝕗𝕗 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝕝𝕖𝕥 𝕞𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕚𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖. 𝕀 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕜𝕖𝕕 𝕠𝕟 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝟚 𝟙/𝟚 𝕙𝕣𝕤 𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝕝𝕖𝕥 𝕞𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕙𝕠𝕨 𝕀 𝕕𝕚𝕕 :)

ℙ𝕊: 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕡𝕙 𝕚𝕤 𝕒 𝕡𝕠𝕖𝕞 𝕀 𝕨𝕣𝕠𝕥𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕔𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕚𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕡𝕚𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕓𝕪 :)))

𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒 𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥 𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕠𝕣 𝕟𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥<𝟛

#kacchako #bakugou katsuki #ochaco uraraka #church #chrurchgirl #badboy #love at first sight

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faroreswinds · 2 years

Note

Apologies if I'm responding to something from years ago, I'm on mobile and can't see the post date.

Rhea turns into the Immaculate One not to have the route prove Edelgard's point, but because she wants to kill Byleth.

Specifically because Byleth has now betrayed her, has the SotC, the Crest of Flames, AND Sothis' Crest Stone, all the things Nemesis used to slaughter her family. She is incredibly distressed at the time and cannot afford to lose Sothis' Crest Stone again. Who knows how she would ever get it back? That would ruin ALL of her plans.

Rhea doesn't turn into the Immaculate One against Nemesis because she doesn't need to. At the time she is wielding the Sword of Seiros which was specifically designed to parry and disarm the SotC and its chain ability. It also heals her.

Not only that, if she HAD turned into the Immaculate One then people would know that Seiros = Dragon! And it would be THAT much harder for her to disguise herself as a human with the Crest of Seiros if people knew that regular people could secretly be dragons.

Wilhelm himself isn't even aware that Seiros is the Immaculate One. He writes that The Immaculate One existed and carried Seiros and her allies, but other than that, he has no connection between the two.

Edelgard and Hubert only know that Rhea is the Immaculate One because TWSitD tell them and they have access to Wilhelm's notes. Neither of them know that Rhea is Seiros until she reveals that herself.

Just as an aside, since you do ask in that same post. Edelgard says she has been hurt by the oppression the Immaculate One creates on Fódlan. Which she has. The Insurrection of the Seven occurs when several nobles decide they want a peerless Emperor who can overtake all of Fódlan FOR them. They decide that the horrific torture, maiming and sacrifice of the royal family is justifiable because of how much value society places on Crests because of the Church's doctrines. Crests are powerful and from the Goddess, and they BELIEVE that.

If Crests hadn't been so cherished by society, an idea that comes from the Church, then the Slithers wouldn't have been able to convince the nobles this action was justified or acceptable.

The idea that Crests grant people the Goddess given right to rule is exactly why women are sold off into these influential houses, or tossed onto the street like Dorothea and Hanneman's sister.

Yes, humans had shitty nobility in real life. That's not the point the game is making. It is a criticism of the Divine Right of Kings that makes a ruler UNQUESTIONABLE because of their divine blessing.

It's even said that nobility wasn't a concept within Fódlan until Wilhelm was made into the first Emperor. The 10 Elites were powerful followers of Nemesis and the "founders" of noble bloodlines. Such things didn't exist before, and were given validity by Seiros claiming AFTER the war that the Elites were heroes and the Crests were blessings from the Goddess.

At the time that was a radically important statement because the Empire and the Church were essentially the same entity. The MOST important houses have Crests and are closest to the Goddess.

That created a feedback loop where a noble's right to rule and their importance is tied to people's belief in the Goddess and the Church.

People believe in the Goddess, the Goddess is good and just, the Goddess gave these people Crests and power, the Goddess endorses these people. Now if you question someone's right to rule but they have a Crest, you just questioned the Goddess and aren't you a bad little heretic.

Now they can execute you for not having enough faith as opposed to just simply questioning their reign.

This creates absolutism where a crested individuals actions are an extension of the Goddess' will.

This is why it's seen as morally acceptable for nobles to do whatever they can to keep a Crest in their bloodline or attain one for their bloodline.

This is worse than regular nobility, like we see with Sylvain. It's not even about having A kid anymore, they have to win a genetic lottery or they're worthless.

Rhea, as the mouthpiece for the Goddess, benefits from this environment. Nobles with Crests want Crests to maintain their divine blessings. To do that they let the Church preach their teachings to the commonfolk so they learn not to question the Crested lest they question the Goddess. The Church gains the influence of faith and in doing so, the head of the Church can decide when someone is going against the Goddess' will and punishes them with its OWN divine right.

If nobles question that authority they lose the validity of their own divine authority. If enough nobles were to reject the Church the Church would lose its authority. So it's best for both sides of the equation to leave the other alone, lest they shoot themselves in the foot.

I imagine, this is why Rhea doesn't put her foot down when Nobles use their Crests to justify their right to commit horrible acts.

Worse still, if she doesn't shut down rebellions that are "anti-crest" in nature she would lose her own authority because that would be people undermining the Goddess without any consequences.

Rhea couldn't stop the terrible things people with Crests do even if she wanted to. Doing so would weaken her position as Archbishop and open herself up to criticism from other nobles who are also doing terrible things and don't want to be prohibited from doing that.

To keep herself and her family safe she needed to create this self sustaining system where Nobles with Crests need the Church to indoctrinate their citizens so they can maintain their authority, because in doing so she ensures there are always nobles who need the Church and therefore always believers that enable her to guide humanity.

Which is why she can use that Fódlan-wide influence to hamstring technological development, so that humans never develop to the point where they nuke themselves to death again. At least until she can revive Sothis.

Rhea told this lie about the Crests to give the Church and herself unquestionable authority and protection. She did this to keep the last of her species alive and, to her traumatised mind, prevent humanity from breaking out in endless self destructive war. Because she literally doesn't know a humanity outside of one that is at war with itself. (She also believes that only Sothis can guide humanity forward safely, which is just so sad, girl believe in yourself!!)

So yeah, even if the doctrine says that nobles and crested individuals should follow the Goddess' teachings, she can't enforce that rule on Crested nobles without the others turning on her.

Edelgard believes that she should have, and that perhaps if she had her entire family might still be alive. Or Hanneman's sister would still live. Or Bernie, Ingrid, Dorothea, Marianne, Mercedes, Sylvain, Emile, and Lysithea could have had a happier life up until this point. (Not to mention all those other women throughout the history of Fódlan.)

Unfortunately, the whole topic of "Crests bad for sociopolitical reasons" doesn't seem like a discussion that many people are eager to have, especially when to do so would kind of be literally questioning the Goddess and her decision making.

Something that goes very well for everyone who does that.

Yeah, irl we know the nobility and class divide is bad. Nobility without the divine right of kings isn't good. But nobility powered by a Church and supernatural authority!? That's way worse. Especially when that authority is a genetic lottery where someone can have 11 kids and zero of them are seen as legitimate because they don't have a Crest, and the women unlucky enough to not be the heir and have a Crest are turned into expensive bargaining pawns where their purpose is "have kids" and not literally whatever else they wanted to be in their life.

So really, Crests aren't all that important and don't negatively affect anyone's quality of life in the game.

(the Agarthans are the real villains. They're the ones who plunged the world into war. That's literally what the Insurrection was about. Power hungry nobles who wanted more territory and needed a weapon. They just never expected a little girl to hijack their INEVITABLE war for the purposes of social progress, and expose them and their secret lair to the enemy. Or to keep their biggest enemy hidden away secretly for 5 years so they could be used against them later after the war.)

I think Rhea did the best an exceptionally traumatized, last of her kind, woman could do. She thinks humanity created the Crests and Relics, not the Agarthans and she believes that without the Goddess they'll do it again. Hence why she bans autopsies.

I also think there is enough evidence in the game that proves Crests and the Church are the major contributing factor to much of the injustice within Fódlan that goes unquestioned and unpunished. Which is why in EVERY route it undergoes systemic changes to stop enabling such oppression. If it didn't cause the oppression, why did it change?

Even if you still think that nobility without divine right is just as bad as nobility with it, Rhea still created both in this Fódlan and then did not permit/help Fódlan to develop beyond it. Unlike some of the other countries we hear about that are more socially progressive.

Democracy and a lack of faith in the Goddess isn't in Rhea's interest. Her motives are understandable, I personally love her, but she still DID these things that caused harm.

Each and every character did.

The Church enabled the social inequality of Fódlan for 1,200 years. That's a lot of people like Sylvain, Dorothea, Hanneman's sister, Bernadetta, Mercedes and Emile.

Rhea didn't create Crests. But she did create nobility (the Emperor of Adrestia is coronated by the Archbishop, an ancient practice, aka Wilhelm), and didn't let society develop beyond that, socially or technologically. So yeah, the Church is culpable of both.

Rhea did her best for a species that she grew up only seeing the worst most destructive side of, who also slaughtered her entire family.

But who can blame a girl for starting a war to get revenge on the people responsible for the butchering and desecration her family while she watched? I certainly wouldn't blame her for creating a society where such a tragedy could never happen again. Even if they weren't perfect in their methods and just so happened to warmonger.

(I do like how the girl I'm talking about here didn't kill the children of those who harmed her. She let them live and participate in the new world they created together.)

I wasn't even aware you could write asks this long. O.o Power of mobile?

Rhea turns into the Immaculate One not to have the route prove Edelgard's point, but because she wants to kill Byleth.

But this doesn't make much sense.

Rhea is still in pretending to be a human, and by transforming into a dragon in front of basically everyone just reveals one of her deepest secrets. I mean, she wants to kill Nemesis too. Probably moreso than she ever wanted to kill Byleth.

No, narratively speaking, the writers had Rhea turn into a dragon at that moment because they needed to show the audience that Rhea was a dragon.

If they had shown a cutscene where Rhea was overpowered and it was a last ditch effort, or showed us that in her anger she just lost the ability to hold it together, I would have an entirely different opinion.

Plus, we already know now from Hopes that Rhea did actually turn into a dragon in the past too, in front of a loooot of people. So the idea that she didn't need to doesn't work.

If Crests hadn't been so cherished by society, an idea that comes from the Church, then the Slithers wouldn't have been able to convince the nobles this action was justified or acceptable.

The idea that Crests grant people the Goddess given right to rule is exactly why women are sold off into these influential houses, or tossed onto the street like Dorothea and Hanneman's sister.

While I don't disagree that the value of Crests is amplified by the fact it is seen as a blessing from the Goddess... let us be honest. Even without this, Crests would be highly sought after.

Crests are so powerful that a single person can turn the tide of war. While that doesn't translate to gameplay, that is what the game tells us. Dimitri himself can lift a horse with a single hand. Can we really believe that people in power would not actively seek such strength to for their own use?

According to the lore, it was Nemesis who brought Crests to the people, by slaughtering Nabateans and taking this power from them. He shared it only with his closest recruits, and these guys literally began breeding like crazy and making large families while spreading mass mayhem across the land. By the time Rhea even stepped into the picture (41~ before the War even begun), Nemesis and his army was a force that had spread across like, half the continent. 41 years is plenty of time for the "Heroes" to have babies, and their babies to have babies, and now you have at least 3 generations of superpowered humans who can strong-arm anyone they want. At this point in history, Minor Crests likely didn't exist yet because the bloodline had yet to thin.

Crests were already highly valued before Rhea ever began her campaign. Quite frankly, unless she slaughtered everyone who had a Crest at all, that sentiment wasn't just going to go away. They had already established themselves as noble families.

Could she have not said they were blessings? Sure. Maybe she could have found another way. But it's truly a fantasy to believe that legit Power would just not be sought after by anyone if they didn't have Divine endorsement behind it.

Besides, FE has never really been about how the Divine Right to Rule is Bad. That's not really its talking points.

I don't recall this being proven at all.

Now they can execute you for not having enough faith as opposed to just simply questioning their reign.

This creates absolutism where a crested individuals actions are an extension of the Goddess' will.

This is why it's seen as morally acceptable for nobles to do whatever they can to keep a Crest in their bloodline or attain one for their bloodline.

This is worse than regular nobility, like we see with Sylvain. It's not even about having A kid anymore, they have to win a genetic lottery or they're worthless.

I find this entirely logic a bit baffling. I get the premise but this isn't supported by anything in the text.

Like, since when did anyone state that people could be executed for not having enough faith due to Crest stuff? I cannot recall a single moment.

I mean like, genetic lottery is real even with regular nobles? This is just an bonus feature for fantasy. In real nobility, the genetic lottery historically is: are you male? are you healthy? and are you the oldest?

Practically speaking, this is fundamentally no different than valuing Crests over the birth-order of your offspring, or their sex. Foldan actually has an upper-hand to the real world, since silly things like sex or your age are less of an issue. Not for everyone. Caspar, for instance, is overlooked for his older brother because he is younger. Like real nobility!

We must also remember that there are three countries in Foldan. Foldan in not a single culture, but three, with unique values, histories, and ways of life. The way Crests are treated in Foldan are not equal either, and to equate the entirety of Foldan's issues under one broad stroke is ignoring these differences.

In Adrestia, the Crest culture is the most toxic. Children are literally thrown away. People interbreed to keep their family-line "pure". Crests are mostly status-related, and less practical.

Faerghus's relationship with Crests is more practical. They have aggressive neighbors, and so value those with Crests for practical protection of their lands. There are some less savory who do seek Crests for status and/or wealth, but that is because many of those who have Crests are already wealthy or noble to begin with.

The Alliance seems to care about Crests the least. We don't really get much talk about Crests other than how to proves lineages.

And in the case of Sylvain, his older brother was honestly a pretty bad person and shouldn't have been in charge to begin with. He wasn't even kicked out of the house until... I think 17 years after Sylvain's birth? And that was after he committed a lot of terrible crimes. He's... not a good example to use. Dorothea is a much better example, if her believes of her lineage are indeed true.

Ok, but... which Church? There are three, and they do not agree with each other. There's actually an entire chapter about this too.

The Empire has basically no relationship with the Church, save for some specific nobles who are pious. The Kingdom likes the Central Church, but it is the Western Church that runs things. And the Alliance follows the Eastern Church's doctrine so much that they care little about the Central Church at all.

We have to remember too, that Rhea, Seteth, and Flayn genuinely believe in the Goddess and her blessings. These three know the truth, but they all still pray in private, and still believe the Goddess watches over them. They don't spread the religion to keep authority.

Remember, the Empire literally kicked out the Southern Church with no repercussions. If they wished to keep authority over Foldan, Rhea would not have let this slide. But she does. Not to mention the Alliance cares basically nothing for her Church.

I imagine, this is why Rhea doesn't put her foot down when Nobles use their Crests to justify their right to commit horrible acts.

Worse still, if she doesn't shut down rebellions that are "anti-crest" in nature she would lose her own authority because that would be people undermining the Goddess without any consequences.

I mean, Rhea rarely gets involved at all. She doesn't put her foot down on the nobles because she's not in charge. The nobles, if anything, bully the crap out of the Church. Such as forcing the Church to give special rooms to their noble children, while this is not what the Church authorities wish to do.

This logic only works if we assume Rhea has Absolute Authority.

No, she can't stop them because she doesn't have the authority to do so.

And that is also why other countries like Brigid, Almyra, and so on are shown to be way more advanced than Foldan, correct?

Because... they don't seem to be.

I don't doubt Rhea early on controlled human technological advancement, but she certainly didn't stop everything, and we can see examples of her "banned" tech in the game right now, as is.

Well.... yeah? Except the unquestionable authority part, which she just doesn't have.

To be fair to her, we as humans don't know a time without endless war and self destruction. She would be right, tbh. We kinda suck.

So yeah, even if the doctrine says that nobles and crested individuals should follow the Goddess' teachings, she can't enforce that rule on Crested nobles without the others turning on her.

If she cannot stop the nobles without them turning on her, then she doesn't have unquestionable authority. So why do we pretend that she does sometimes?

And... how? How could she have stopped the nobles? Ruled with an iron fist? That's just a dictatorship. (Ingrid is not a good example, she was looking to be engaged for money reasons. And she ultimately got to chose her fate in the end just by having an honest talk with her father).

Lysithea was also experimented on in secret. Must we now blame Rhea for crimes those do that no one else knew either?

Something that goes very well for everyone who does that.

Wait, I'm not following, anon. People in the game talk about how Crests are Bad and question the Goddess all the time. Like, as early as what... chapter 1? Dorothea is like "is this what the Church teaches? :(" in her first kill dialogue! Dimitri has a long speech about the pros and cons of Crests. Etc.

Heck, some people are openly atheist in the game. Nobles, commoners, you name it. No one is hiding in fear of faith.

So really, Crests aren't all that important and don't negatively affect anyone's quality of life in the game.

I'm not arguing that Divine Right to Rule is not good in real life but... You know, Sothis is real. She is a genuine Goddess in Foldan. Rhea is basically a demi-god in her own right, being the actual child of a Goddess herself.

And to me, it doesn't sound like Crests made much of a difference than real life. Children could be deemed illegitimated for the dumbest reasons in real life, and woman have been baby-machines since time immemorial. I'll agree that Crests amplified this, but like... even without Church authority, it would have happened that way either way. Unless you kill everyone with a Crest, like I mentioned before.

But to say Crests aren't important is false. They are. They literally grant powers. They only negatively affect people's lives due to the social values placed on them. Or if you are experimented on and forced to have two crests. You know, normal stuff.

Well... yeah. Because the Slithers are pretty dumb.

One thing I think consumers of media need to learn is the difference between what is being said, and what is being shown.

Because I disagree. I don't see enough evidence that Crests and the Church are the major contributing factors to the injustice of Foldan. Which again... is three countries. This is like saying Mexico, America, and Canada all suffer the same injustices because Christianity is big there, and if Christianity was just gone it would all magically just be fixed.

We are told over and over again that the Church is at fault and Crests are to blame. But rarely do we see those words match the reality. Take in Three Hopes when Claude says the Church forces arranged marriages. We never see this, like... ever. Nobles arrange marriages all the time for general political gains, why would removing the Church or Crests change that? It makes it hard to believe Claude when it's not supported by the game's worldbuilding. It just sounds like bullshit.

Every route undergoes a systematic change because Edelgard starts a war. She literally tears the countries to shreds. Kills their leaders and stamps out their faiths. Yeah, after that you bet there is going to be systematic change. Let's not forget at least one of those endings leads to Byleth-God King, married to Rhea, with a Church more powerful than ever. And that's a good ending by the game's logic!

Rhea did not create nobility. They created themselves.

Not to mention that other nations have royalty of their own too? There's no way countries like Almyra have a King and absolutely no nobles underneath him.

Democracy and a lack of faith in the Goddess isn't in Rhea's interest. Her motives are understandable, I personally love her, but she still DID these things that caused harm.

Each and every character did.

The Church enabled the social inequality of Fódlan for 1,200 years. That's a lot of people like Sylvain, Dorothea, Hanneman's sister, Bernadetta, Mercedes and Emile.

Why would democracy be in Rhea's interest? She's not in charge of how the countries run themselves. Unless you believe she should have ruled with an iron fist. Which is a dictatorship.

There is no doubt that the Church did not help matters in many ways. They did, at some point, hold technology back, and have caused some issues in other ways. But Foldan is by no means more or less socially, technologically, or politically behind any other country we know about due to them.

And again, Rhea did not create the nobility. You know Nemesis declared himself a King on his own, right? If he had won the war, he would have been King of Foldan, which is making nobility.

Well and also to stop the spread of terror. Because Nemesis was terrorizing people. It's more of a two-birds-one-stone sort of thing.

#anon asks #long post #Three Houses discourse

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jazzytrait · 2 years

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I'm drinking and rambley so how about a non-sims, Jazzy-gives-advice-no-one-asked-for post? No? We're doing it anyway!

So, my friend just told me about another friend of hers who has been asking her for money on the regular and I had to tell her this story because it's...

a lesson I had to learn the hard way:

Story time! Once upon a time I had a close friend. We'd known each other for years. When he finally moved out of his parents' house he had no end of financial trouble.

(This is gonna get long and rambley... so adding a cut)

Now, I'm no stranger to that... I'm disabled and have no college degree. I've struggled to make ends meet my whole life. I have gotten very good at churching up ramen noodles and rice/bean dishes. For reference: I've been under or only slightly over the poverty line for the majority of my life. Sucks when you feel like you're making a little progress and then they take away your health insurance because you made $1k more a year. (and I have to have my medications, so forgoing medical treatment is not an option)

Anyway, my friend got into a bind when he quit a job because the manager was rude to him. He was slightly younger than me and new to "real life", so I gave him a pass. Life is rough and adjusting is hard. I helped him out with a couple hundred dollars that I barely had because that's what friends do, right? Right.

A couple months later, I found out that instead of paying his rent with that money he had taken his gf out to dinner a few times and now he was getting kicked out. Luckily, he was living with roommates and it wasn't an actual eviction. But he did have to find somewhere new to live. He asked to come stay with me and I had to decline because my place was extremely tiny (300sq ft) and I didn't even have a couch for him to surf on.

He found someone else to couch surf with rent free until he could find another job and another place. He kept talking about all the job hunting and how hard it was. A few months later his gf confessed to me that he hadn't been looking or putting in applications because he thought he deserved more money than the going rate for his education level (no hs diploma or GED). His friend eventually kicked him out and he found ANOTHER place to couch surf. He did eventually take another job.

A few months later he was in trouble again because he had to go to the doctor and was short on rent. My other friend helped him out with some money. This time he spent it on his rent. But lo and behold, the next month he said he needed help again. A different friend helped him out with some more money. The next day he, I and his gf were online together gaming in Discord. He said "brb I'm gonna order some food". He ordered $60 of sushi for he and his gf to split (she didn't work btw, so he paid). I asked him "Didn't [friend] just lend you money for your rent? Why are you ordering sushi?" and he replied "All I have is sandwich stuff and I don't feel like eating a sandwich". This was the first time that red flag really went up for me, even though it should have been sooner.

It continued this way. Every month he had some new sob story of why he needed money from people and even though our friend group had long since ceased helping him, he always found someone new to help him out (he was charming and had a knack for making friends and sounding genuine).

He went through job after job. He'd quit after a month or so because he didn't like the work or didn't like his boss or didn't make enough money (which... any money is better than no money). I'm not saying that adult life isn't soul-crushing. It is and it sucks, but we do what we have to do to survive. To him, he was victim forced to do something he didn't want to do and so he refused to do it. He had a million and one excuses for how his joblessness and constant need for assistance wasn't his fault.

One time, I was in town visiting and we met up to get a burger. I offered to split the bill and he said after we'd already eaten "Oh, I don't have any money". I bit my tongue and paid because it was too late anyway. Afterwards, as we were walking back out through the mall he said he wanted to stop and look in a couple stores. He asked me to buy him things three separate times. I declined because I could barely afford my own rent and expenses and I worked my ass off to get what little I had. He was pretty frustrated by my refusals and even called me "stingy".

To this day (5 years later) he is famous amongst our friends for always asking for money, always spending it carelessly and then just asking people for more... he doesn't have to work his ass off because people keep giving him things to the point that now if you say "no" to him he gets offended and feels entitled to whatever money you have.

The moral of the story is: One time is a mistake. Twice is a pattern. Three times is a problem. Some people can't be bothered to help themselves as long as others are willing to prop them up and do it for them. Don't get suckered into every sob story you hear and feel obligated to help. We want to be good people and helping out isn't wrong. Help should be available to people in times of crisis... but keep an eye out for the ones who seem to always need help. Some people are very good liars.

#not sims #Jazzy Rambles

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steveskafte · 7 months

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WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I spent a good chunk of my afternoon talking to an older woman on a side street in my hometown. She wanted one of my books as a gift, and took advantage of my offer for free delivery in Annapolis County. I hadn't planned on staying long, but like so often happens once I'm across the kitchen table from some kind soul, a couple hours passed before I noticed they were gone. I've never really believed in an age barrier for good conversation. If you've read me for any amount of time, you're well aware of my life of elderly friendships. As an introvert, most are in passing – and with their age, most have passed away. Dying doesn't make me feel any less connected to them, though. After all, what is time but distance, and what's the difference if it's months since we spoke or months since they died? I recently spoke with someone who described long-term, face-to-face friendships as being more real than all others. I'd say that my experience has often been opposite. Many of my deepest connections have been with folks online, on the street when I was a busker, at some random coffee shop, or walking through the door when I ran my art gallery. Those conversations could be life-changing, like surprising artistic expressions or reminders of our greater humanity. Many times, I never even knew their name, and names don't last long in my mind, anyhow. By contrast, I've got lifelong neighbours and family members with whom I've never shared a moment of the faintest value. When I was growing up, we spent a lot of time in church. There was the one next door where we went every Sunday, but I was here at the local Baptist quite often. I can't recall anything about actual lessons or sermons. I was more intrigued by the structure itself, narrow stairs up to sleepy attic alcoves, and leaning back on a pew in the wide open sanctuary. I tuned out all of the regular religious static, waiting for something unusual to happen. Churches survive on the backbone of constancy, regular attendance and donation. But I lived for novelty, visiting preachers or musicians that moved me deeper. Sometimes, familiar faces turn out to do us no good. If only we'll stop asking everyone: "Where have you been?" and be content to let them quietly come and go on their way. If you read me now, but not again for a year, I think it means as much that you ever would at all. March 7, 2024 Bridgetown, Nova Scotia Year 17, Day 5961 of my daily journal.

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gnattyplayssims · 7 months

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1962 Pt1 - Memories of Us

It was a sunny day in late fall as Nikolas went for his regular morning jog through the Spice District in San Myshuno. The chilly air was a welcome distraction as it bit against his skin. He didn't want to think about anything but the strain of his muscles.

The city was bustling with protesters, buskers, the shouts from the food stalls and homeless sleeping on benches. But his mind wasn't on any of those things. He hadn't seen Sofia since their kiss and he hadn't been able to think of anything but her in those 3 months since.

There was so much he regretted...

"Nikolas what are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"You didn't honestly think you could hide from me did you. You know I'm a Clever Sim." He pulled her close and breathed her in, thankful that she was safe even if she lived in a trailer.

"So do I get to meet Ava or just keep standing here on your porch?"

Sofia brightened and he felt relieved. He'd been so worried when he read her letters but she looked happy when she talked about Ava. Now if only he could convince her she didn't need this pimp's deal.

"Hey Little Bird, this is Nikolas, my bestest friend in all the Worlds." Nik steeled himself against the emotion. Sofia was a mom. He took Ava, and Sofia's hand rested over his. He looked down into those eyes and promised himself somehow he'd ruin Mathias for what he'd done

As if she could tell Nik's dark thoughts, Ava began to cry. "Oh no! Hey Ava, It's okay. Nik is a friend!"

"You better take her back." Sofia lay Ava back down and Nik poked around the trailer. He paused at a mirror and took a deep breath. He'd do it, he'd tell her how he felt.

Nikolas ran harder as he remembered that day. He should have done it. He'd been a nervous teenager, not ready for that kind of commitment. He'd only been 16 but she was already taking on responsibility she hadn't been ready for. He should have just done it before Jamal came.

The day of the Spice Festival he'd had big plans but Don's plans had been bigger. "Sofia what is this?"

"Don't read too much into it. It's just for emergencies. You know in case I lock myself out"

"Well thank you. I'm glad you trust me"

"Of course. There's no one I trust more"

He should have swooped in when he saw her with Jamal that day. Staked his claim. Made his intentions known...but he wasn't that kind of man. He didn't want to dominate her even if he could. He never wanted her to feel like he expected it.

And because of that...he'd lost her

"Sofia's best friend is a hands-off friend...noted."

Nik laughed but he already hated the guy, "No one can change Sof's mind when she wants something."

Nik stood threateningly as Sofia turned away. "What is it you do, Nik?"

"I'm a cop...and you?"

"Just a dishwasher."

"Huh."

Sofia had sent him an invite just as he'd asked. He'd come of course. Even though it was hard. Even though Stefan and Kyler told him he shouldn't. Seeing them kiss had been too much to bear.

He would let her go now, move on. All that truly mattered was that she was happy.

"Since we were kids, Sofia's always worn her heart on her sleeve. She always dreamed of meeting her prince and living happily ever after. I'm so glad Jamal could do what none of us could...bring her home. To the happy couple! May the Watcher bless you with an incredible life."

After his speech Nikolas couldn't bear to stay any more. He found a quiet place in the church and thought about what he wanted from life now that she was safe.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Shouldn't you be upstairs." "They think I'm in the bathroom...you okay?"

"Yeah just thinking"

"Nikolas..." Sofia interlocked her fingers in his. "You are such an incredible man. Any girl would be lucky to have you. Just go for it."

Nik chuckled giving her hand a squeeze. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Well she'd be dumb to say no. I'll bet you're married in a year."

"Sofia." He took her hand holding it tight, his heart beating faster as she looked at him with that innocent curiosity. After everything, she could still be so terribly naive. She really had no clue how much he loved her.

"What is it?"

"I'm really happy for you."

"There you are." Jamal's voice brought their moment to a halt and Sofia jumped to her feet to greet her husband. Nikolas cast a glance up toward the Watcher. It was too late for him. Jamal was whispering dirty things in her ear.

Nikolas slipped past them unnoticed.

There was a lot he regretted about his relationship with Sofia. Many times he had wished he told her how he felt. But there was one thing he didn't regret. He didn't regret going to the basement rather than walking out the door.

If he had left the church he would have missed it.

He would have missed Jamal slipping down the stairs and glancing over his shoulder suspiciously. He would have missed the way he headed toward a corner he knew was empty and disappeared. If he had left the church he would have never known that Jamal was bad news.

Nikolas stood and headed toward the shelf that Jamal had disappeared through. Pressing his ear against the wall. All his detective alarms going off telling him that his gut instinct about Jamal was right and not just jealousy. Knowing Sofia would never believe him.

"That cop friend of hers is in love with her. If I didn't make a move he would have."

"Don't act like you won't enjoy the perks...I know I did."

"I'm not denying that. But this marriage is just a means to an end."

Nik knew better than anyone...Sofia sufferered because of him.

1962 Pt2 - Come Back To Me

#mizrahi legacy #dandy generation #decades challenge #sims 4 storytelling #ts4 storytelling #ts4 legacy

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karmacommon · 2 years

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I have not been updating my blog! My first journey out this year was in February and March. I was fortunate to visit my cousins Eric and Dianne Common in Guntersville, Alabama. My dOg and their Roscoe, Winston, and Teddy (cat) got along well. It's so welcoming at their home. I stayed in Nashville on my way south to Alabama. It actually *snowed* in Nashville when we were there. I had my Sorel boots and dOg had his snowsuit, so we were cozy. It all melted in two days!

I went back to Michigan for the Celebration of Life on April 2, 2022 for my brother Chris L Common and his wife, Cindy Jones Common. They were tragically killed by a distracted 17 year old girl driver in Sarasota, Florida just after Christmas, 2021. They were out running as they did on a regular basis, and the girl hit them. My two brothers were at the celebration. My niece and nephew, Kelly and Chris, did an absolutely wonderful job in this remembrance gathering for their parents.

I stayed at my son's house in Ferndale. I flew out to see our mom on her 93rd birthday on May 27, 2022. I surprised her! I hadn't seen her since she moved from Michigan to California in December, 2021. She showed me all around her beautiful new place, Emerald Court, Anaheim. Mom introduced me to her new friends. I feel her move was a very good one. I got her full keyboard set up for her to play. She also can play the baby grand at Emerald Court. It's amazing how the mind puts out the music! She's an incredible pianist. She enjoys going to activities, but I know she misses regular church attendance.

I left Michigan again on June 17, 2022. I picked up my trailer in Piqua, Ohio and proceeded to Indiana. Next I went through Kentucky, and then stayed in the Nashville area for about a week. My journey route was dictated at first by available RV sites.

Then it was across the great Mississippi River to Arkansas! This was my first time to this state. I thought about two friends' experiences in Arkansas.

Then I made it to Texas! We stayed at a Love's Truck Stop south of Texarkana. That will hopefully never happen again in hot weather. Hardly slept; my Jackery battery ran out of steam to power the fan. The only good thing about it is that we were on the road by 6am! Traveling when it's 80° rather than the afternoon temp of 107° was a bit easier. You know travel at that time of the day will not happen often for me!

I finally got to San Antonio, where my cousins live. Charlie and Debbie Common, originally from the Flint, Michigan area, are raising their 18 month old granddaughter. The four of us plus dOg hung out, and went out to dinner for their 45th anniversary.

Next we drove a bit out of our way, but I wanted to see the Tesla Giga Factory, SE of Austin. It was a sight to behold. Huge! Previously, I'd seen its grand opening on TV - the Cyber Rodeo!

Then we stayed at a state park near Burnet, Texas. This was my first time not having cell service! Couldn't pick up any TV stations on my antenna, either. What to do, what to do? I'd just bought my new Purple mattress, plus I had a book given to me by Kim. I read a bit and went to sleep.

Currently we are at Abilene State Park. The state parks are generally prettier, have bigger sites, and are less expensive than private RV parks. I have water and a much-needed power supply, so all is well. The rate is $20/night. Even dOg is ready to come back inside because of the oppressive heat. There's a warning out again today from the National Weather Service about the high temperatures. So far the Texas power grid has provided us with unending AC. I think it's safe to say that I can mark Texas off of my list of states to potentially move to!

I've caught you up on our adventures so far this year. I will be writing more frequently and posting pictures of the incredible things in our big country.

Bai bai for now!

(Japanese for Bye bye)

#texas #bichons #fulltimerv #Hummingbirdtrailer #wandering

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remembering-lisa · 3 years

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Discoveries

It feels like it has been a long time since I lost Lisa. It has been five weeks. But for the last nearly 37 years the longest we had ever been apart was 5 days. I don't know if it is getting any easier but it is getting different. While the aching void remains, I've begun to move back into some regular rhythms of life again. This is helpful to refocus my attention and energies. But I've definitely discovered some things so far on this unwanted journey.

For the last 37 years of ministry, there have been countless times when I have counseled others that in times of crisis, don't make any major decisions. I have often told people, "take six months and then re-evaluate." But shortly after Lisa's death, I found myself moving into organizing mode. I started working tirelessly on getting our finances, insurance, banking, credit cards, online accounts, etc. organized. I made a list of things to do. I had family members and friends go through Lisa's things and take what they wanted, and I began to clean out drawers and cabinets and closets. I began looking at the housing market to consider the possibility of selling my house and buying a piece of land to build on, even scheduling a meeting with a custom home builder. Then I met with my counselor whom I have great respect for - a licensed psychologist, a pastor, and a friend. He said, "Chris, this is all way too fresh. Unless you have to do it for financial reasons, you should take six months before making any major decisions. Don't sell your house just yet. Keep Lisa's clothes in the closet - it is good to have them there for now."

Even against my own advice to others, in the midst of chaos and things I have no control over, I default to do those things I can control. I wanted a sense of order. I wanted to make a plan. But the freedom to wait, to relax, to hear the Lord say "be still and know that I am God," and to trust Him through the chaos is a giant sense of relief.

This morning I met with my attorney to make sure I had everything in order (thankfully Lisa and I updated all of our will, community property agreement, etc. in 2019). Upon meeting with the attorney she told me, "You really have done a lot already. I just met with somebody whose spouse died a year ago and they haven't even begun to do most of these things." Okay, messaged received. Calm down a little, Chris.

This week has had other discoveries as well. On Sunday I went to church. I had gone the previous Sunday with Annie and I did fine through the service. But this last Sunday as soon as I stepped into the worship service and sat down next to Tana (Lisa's sister), I couldn't seem to hold it together. Every song, even though they were songs of hope, seemed to remind me of her. But it was still good and healthy to be there among my church family. For the last few years as I have had to travel and as Lisa has battled sickness, I have had to pull back from involvement at my church. On Sunday I realized that there are so many people I don't know, and I have mostly just been an attender. I made the decision Sunday that I need to be more involved and take initiative to get to know some of the new folks there.

On Monday I drove to Eugene to begin to step back into work. Again, I hadn't considered the emotions that would be present as I made that drive, but that I-5 corridor between Tacoma and Eugene hold a lifetime of memories for Lisa and I. Our entire dating relationship was when I was in college in Eugene and she was in Tacoma. When we would travel (100s of times over the years) to Eugene, we had favorite stops along the way. When she wasn't with me I would text her or call her to let her know where I was, or she would be following my location on her phone and text me, "stopped in Kelso, huh? :)" I already didn't like traveling without her, but traveling without her and not being able to call, and then coming home was a new sadness. But it was good to do it, to experience it, and to take another step forward into my new reality.

I paid off the various funeral expenses. I worked with these costs when my dad and mom passed over the last 4 years so it wasn't a surprise to me. But it was a reminder, dying is expensive. It doesn't seem like it should be this way, but it is.

I've also continued to discover the inherent goodness in people. In evangelical circles there is a tendency to talk about our sin-nature, our inherent sinfulness, and we seem to operate too often from a Genesis 3 perspective (the fall) rather than from a Genesis 1 perspective (the creation and God's design). Yes, a cursory glance at the condition of our world reminds us of our brokenness. But I've experienced so much kindness, compassion, love, care and support through this time that it is overwhelming. I see God's goodness in the lives of people around me. Most recently it is coming from my neighbors. Last Saturday they weeded my yard, re-barked my flower beds and then pressure-washed my driveway and sidewalks. On Sunday a neighbor invited me over for dinner with another neighbor couple. Today a neighbor brought over a fantastic homemade dinner. Shortly thereafter another neighbor brought over a chicken alfredo fettucine for tomorrow night's dinner. And then on Friday yet another neighbor is taking me out to a new Mexican restaurant in town. God created us and called us "very good." The whole trajectory of scripture is His effort to bring us back to that intended purpose. And this week, I see that grace of His goodness through the lives of my neighbors.

One step, one day, one new discovery at a time.

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angelsonthesideline · 3 years

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Tales From the Ex-Crypt Vol. 9

Wow.. volume 9.. I'm going to wrap it up with this one because I really don't want to live in the past or think about any of these people any more. I'm happy, even if Mr HTG is still not officially mine, I only want to look forward and these crypts will be closed. There are definitely more stories than the ones I've written here.. but this is the one that people are like "NO.. that only happens in movies!"

So, I was minding my own business at work when one of my regular customers walked in with a friend. They had been at a dinner party, and started talking about winter tires, and my customer said that the friend had to come see me for tires, and proceeded to bring him in. His friend wasn't someone who really stood out to me, there was nothing remarkable to me about him. He was nice enough, mild mannered, tall, blue eyes, great smile (I'm a sucker for eyes and smiles) and we went over some tire options. I sent them on their way with the friend having his quotes in hand.

I didn't really think anything more of it, it was busy (snow) season and I was plenty busy. A week or so later, the friend comes back, he had decided on some tires and steel wheels and put his deposit down on the order. I wrote up the order, and handed him his copy, when he asked "so when do I get to see you again?" and my smart ass responded with something to the effect of when he got his tires on.

I hadn't really paid any attention to him prior to that moment, and he wasn't my "type" at all. I went home, and something kept nagging at me about him, so I sent him a text after getting his number off his order slip. This is not something I generally do, but since he'd already asked me out, I didn't feel like I was overstepping. This was also 10 years ago.

I didn't hear anything back until the Monday, when I got a profuse apology for the delay, and the excuse that he had had his phone stolen while having lunch on a patio over the weekend in a busy tourist town.

We started talking regularly, he came in and got his snow tires in the meantime, and we hung out for our first "date". He told me he was on a joint task force for terrorist threats between the FBI and CSIS and had to travel often as the supervisor of his unit. He said he would try to see me as often as possible but that it wasn't always a lot of time. I didn't mind, as I was busy and we facetimed and talked by text and phone. I never felt neglected.

We dated for a year, our relationship was amazing, we got along so well, and he made me strive to be my best self. I lost a ton of weight, was eating well, and made an appointment with my doctor to get my mental health in check.

We never had sex, we just had incredibly hot makeout sessions. I always thought it was odd that he didn't want to go any further, but he said he had had a bad experience and wanted to wait until we were married. As he was on the smaller side, I figured that had something to do with it, but I was so absolutely in love by that point it didn't really matter.

He had all sorts of pics of him in his flack in his suits, in the cars, with the guns, or just in offices. I'd get a text or call saying he was flying in and was driving to see me, but would only have about an hour or two to spend with me before he had to get back to his team and back on the road. It kept things exciting, and I loved surprise visits when he'd text me at work that he was outside.

I wanted to see him more, of course, especially as things got more intense between us. But it was always a matter of time for him. No matter how awful other things in my life were going, whenever asked how things with him were, I would immediately brighten and say they were amazing.

My anxiety was getting to a very dysfunctional level, and I was struggling hardcore to manage it. I went to the doctor, he arranged for me to begin therapy. He was supportive when I told him. This was around our 1 year together. But the next time I got to see him, I got doused with ice water, when I gifted him with an expensive watch and he told me he wanted to take our relationship back a step because of his schedule. His reason was that I was amazing and I deserved to be able to pursue someone who could give me everything he wasn't able to due to his job. I was blindsided and devastated. Because I loved him so much, and was dumb, I agreed to try. I'm an absolutely all-in or all-out type of personality, there is no grey middle ground for me. It is why I do struggle with FWB and casual arrangements, unless I have mentally steeled myself to be all-out and just enjoy the moment without feelings.

My first year of therapy and into my second was almost fully dedicated to dealing with this trauma. I have never had a break up so devastating. I am pretty sure most of the damage came from the shock, but also from the "trying" to move forward with him flitting in and out of my life instead of just cutting clean ties.

I cried a lot.. I was so stressed my cortisol levels caused my body to produce more than double the healthy level of reverse T3, completely messing up my thyroid and metabolism, I gained weight, lost energy and all the other fall out. It took me years to recover, and moving to NS and stumbling upon a doctor who treated the thyroid issues (which seem to be back in working order now after some thyroid hormone therapy).

I have never ever let someone have so much impact on my life, and the only reason I can ever explain it with was just the depth of love I had for this man. I don't even know why or what sucked me in, beyond his confidence and charm. He was one of the many devil Aquarius that I dated, always trying to prove the zodiac/astrology stuff was absolutely wrong (because I am generally SO drawn to Aquarius and have dated that sign more than any other). The zodiac definitely kicked my ass with Aquarius to show me that I fucked around and found out the hard way for sure.

We did the on and off/casual thing for 6 months before it was too toxic and messed me up too badly and I cut him off. It was about 6 months later he crawled back, and we tried it again for about another 6 months before I broke again and cut him off permanently.

I tried to not think of him, and started trying to move on with dating. My longterm ex and I had become gaming friends again by this point, in a mostly healthy and functional way. He had asked me to get an app called Voxter so he could send me voice messages (pre-imsg) and I had. You have to make an account to use Voxter though, and then the app itself didn't pick up my soft voice so I deleted it. But the account remained.

One day, I get an email that I have a new suggested contact/friend on Voxter. I open the email, and low and behold, it is Mr Aquarius Devil... and I'm like "hmm.. I don't have any of his new contact information in my phone" so I go to my computer and open my gmail.. start typing in his name and up pops this picture:

The fucker was MARRIED... and had a KID.

I will say, that was the BEST closure ever.. I was INSTANTLY over his ass instead of lamenting WHY it hadn't worked and what I had possibly done wrong. What I had done wrong, was fall for a fucking dirtbag.

Now, I work with the public.. and I had lots of regular customers that would ask me how I was and what was going on with me, and share what was going on with them. I was angry, and I showed a few of them this pic and was like "look at this fucker, he has a WIFE and KID" and I think it got back to him.

Two weeks after I stumbled upon this picture on his gmail, I got a full confessional email from him.

Turns out, he had been married for 12 years, and his son was 7 at the time I found out. Not only that, but he wasn't in law enforcement, HE WAS A PASTOR.. He had also gotten busted for sleeping with two women in his congregation, and fooling around with two others. He had lost his congregation and his church was sending him out west to some rehab. His wife was staying with him, and moving out there with him. He basically said it was all a lie (everything) and that his therapist said he had to write apology letters and explain himself to his victims (like myself). He said it was an ego trip to compensate for low self esteem. So basically, I was just an ego boosting toy for him.

A year later, I received a random text message from a southern Alberta phone number. I am guessing it was his wife, as all it said was "Have you been in contact with J***?" and I was like "J*** who?" and never heard anything ever again. But I am sure he was already back to his old tricks.

#talesfromtheexcrypts #vol 9 #the last one I'm writing #Aquarius Devil

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catholicartistsnyc · 6 years

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Meet: Laura Pittenger

LAURA PITTENGER is a NYC-based writer and director, and a Catholic Artist Connection board member. (www.laurapittenger.com)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC, and where did you come from?

LAURA PITTENGER (LP): I graduated from Ball State University (go Cards) in 2012 with a degree in theatre production and moved here almost immediately from Fort Wayne, Indiana. I have known I wanted to live in New York City since a high school drama club trip. Living here has shattered my illusions about what it would be like, but I think in some ways the reality is better than the fantasy. I never knew New York was so diverse and fascinating outside Manhattan, but I've really fallen in love with the entire East Coast at this point.

CAC: How do understand your vocation as a Catholic artist? Do you call yourself a Catholic artist?

LP: In mixed company, I call myself a theater artist, or a Catholic, but not often both. When I get to introduce myself as such, it is a real joy, because that’s a much more complete picture of who I am. I think it's a label that is often maligned and misunderstood, but I don't make it a personal mission to correct every single person's presumptions about what it means. I try to let my work speak for itself. I couldn't have the ideas I do about life and being human if I weren't a Catholic, and it shines through everything I create, whether I like it or not. (I think that's the Holy Spirit. Right?)

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

LP: Being on the board of Catholic Artist Connection, while it has been a lot of work, has also been so faith-building and rewarding and communal. Because I have not often found the support I need as a Catholic artist in the church proper - aside from individual priests and friends, who have been lifesavers - I want to make it my mission to be that open door for other Catholic artists. This is something I believe the laity can do and can do well.

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

LP: It really depends. Some people can see that the theater is a place where diverse creatures gather to present and grapple with interesting questions, and that gives them the curiosity to explore what it means to be a Catholic during this strange period of history. Some people aren't yet in that frame of mind, and that's okay. If I can be Christ to them, that's what I care about, and that's in my power to do. I'm actually embarking on a process with Project Y Theatre right now where I'm going to be doing a short adaptation of a piece by Hrotsvitha of Gandershaim, a Catholic religious sister who wrote plays in the 10th century, of all things.

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

LP: By supporting groups like the Catholic Artist Connection!

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

LP: Ask more questions about faith instead of relying on pat and easy answers. Let religion appear onstage as more than a punchline or punching bag. Let's have stories about religious persons struggling, yes, but let's also have stories about them thriving in religious communities. We could all benefit from that kind of open-mindedness.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment? Do you recommend any particular parishes?

LP: I attend a parish in Queens - reach out to me directly if you want more specifics. Otherwise, in Manhattan, I'll recommend a few parishes that stand out:

St. Francis of Assisi is fantastic, very welcoming, diverse community, and caters to so many marginalized people.

If you want spectacle and the Seat of Everything in NYC, St. Patrick's Cathedral.

I have a special place in my heart for the Dominicans over at St. Vincent Ferrer, it was one of the first churches I attended regularly in the city. You might see a few familiar faces at the noon mass, and sometimes the Sisters of Life go there.

If you want to go to an 11pm mass in Times Square, check out the The Actor's Chapel/St. Malachy's. It's quite something. They have actors and singers galore so the liturgy is pretty beautiful.

St. Ignatius Loyola is a BEAUTIFUL Jesuit parish on Park Avenue, and the music is out of this world good.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

LP: I have done a lot of work with Turn to Flesh Productions with my good friend Emily C. A. Snyder. I've worked with a lot of companies, some of which have moved away or developed into other companies - such is the nature of the theater!

To get inspired, I visit new places in the city. There are always new places to go. There are still neighborhoods I've never even set foot in and I've been here since 2012.

I read about 50 books a year on average. You have to keep your mind moving so it doesn't get stagnant. And there are a lot of independent used bookstores in the city that you should DEFINITELY support. The Strand is an institution. And Heaven help us, when we get the Drama Bookshop back, you should support them, too.

I also took a class recently with the Brooklyn Institute for Social Research when they had one on "Bible as Literature." Take any class that you can afford. Sign up for Barnes and Noble alerts, they always have famous people come to read from their books in Union Square.

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice?

LP: I pray throughout the day. My prayer life is extremely simple, basic, and conversational. I spent a long time dealing with anxiety and depression, and I have found it best to just live in the silence with God. I expect a lot of myself by nature, and so my biggest challenge has been learning when to ease off and just know that I am loved by God. I find a lot of comfort in spiritual reading. Read Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke.

I'm self-conscious of the fact that it seems like I often do the bare minimum of what is expected of me as a Catholic, but my heart is at peace - most of the time. It helps to find a spiritual director or regular confessor who knows you well and can guide you when you're feeling lost, and it was important to me when I moved here that I find one quickly. He's busy, but he'll make time.

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice?

LP: When I was writing my novel I wrote several times a week, and it was a real pleasure. It's good sometimes to work on creative projects that are simply for fun, because it's easy to lose sight of your art as anything but hard work. But, in general, I try to be really protective of my time and energy. I wouldn't say I have a daily practice, but I am trying to get better at doing at least one creative thing a day, even if it's just composing funny dumb tweets.

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

LP: A collective of playwrights including myself have been meeting regularly with the New Sanctuary Coalition at St. Francis Xavier Church in order to write plays based off the interviews the NSC does with immigrants living in the city. It’s been a salve to the soul to find a way to share those stories with the world, they are urgent stories for our times.

CAC: You actually live in NYC? How!?

LP: If you want to move here and are not sure what you want, or if you don't have a big budget or any credit, or some other reason why you don't want to or can't rent your own apartment right away, I recommend starting in a short-term sublet. I arranged a sublet on Facebook in the month before I first moved here, with a girl I hadn't met. I found a sublet group on Facebook, and I know Craigslist (although sketchy) does have sublet opportunities as well. Technically speaking not all subletting is "legal," but NYC subletting laws are pretty draconian. There are legal sublets out there but I can't speak for all of them. It's a little ridiculous, but only the strictest of landlords really seem to care. Just something to keep in mind.

I will be very candid with you - if one of your parents has a very high paying job, you'll be in much better shape to rent your own place. Oftentimes landlords want renters with a guarantor who makes anywhere from 40x to 90x the monthly rent.

If you can find a roommate, do it. Keep open lines of communication about what your priorities are in a living situation. Those things typically come down to:

1. Distance from the train/Manhattan/jobs 2. Space in the apartment 3. Personalities 4. Interest in the neighborhood

If your roommate has a parent who can be the guarantor, or one of yours can be, you will be in great shape to find your own place, even without jobs right away. If not, subletting is your best bet. Do NOT be afraid to speak openly and candidly with each other about finances. You have to be realistic. You have to be wise.

I live in a neighborhood in Queens called Astoria. I share a 3bed convert (meaning it's 2 bed with no living room now because we made it into a bedroom) with a big kitchen, a decent bathroom, and a great landlord. I pay around $900 every month for this, and I'm paying for proximity to the train, proximity to Manhattan (I can be in Times Square in 25 minutes if the trains are running on time), and space. The price jumps up at least $500 a share once you try to find a similar place like that in Manhattan. Yes, the prices are insane. The cheapest studios I see are somewhere around $1500 and you usually don't get much space for that money. The more roommates you have, the cheaper your rent can be, but you will have to sacrifice things like privacy and quiet.

When I first moved here, I paid $750 a month for one half of a 2 bedroom apartment in the same neighborhood, but the landlord was not great, and we had mice and heat problems. You really get what you pay for, and sometimes neighborhoods (like mine) get trendier every year.

I found both apartments with a local broker who knows the neighborhood, and I found her on Craigslist. This is not a blanket endorsement of Craigslist. If something seems too good to be true, it definitely is.

Stay away from Williamsburg, or anything off the L train for now. Look up where the train lines are going to be shut down for long periods of time, and don't move there. Good neighborhoods to look at for lower budgets:

Manhattan: Inwood, Washington Heights, Harlem, Queens: Sunnyside, East Elmhurst, Astoria, Long Island City Brooklyn: Bushwick, Crown Heights.

I don't know Brooklyn super well, honestly, but there are parts of Brooklyn that are still affordable. The ones I listed are all really vibrant and diverse communities, and if you want to be a part of them, they'll be glad to have you. If you have your heart set on Manhattan, you will be paying a lot more for a lot less convenience (longer walk to the store, higher prices, fewer laundromats), but you will have proximity to a lot of cool stuff.

CAC: But seriously, how do you make a living in NYC?

LP: When I first moved here, I got a job at a hotel as a food runner and then a server by attending an open call I found on Craigslist. I also got a job as a host at a Times Square chain restaurant because I had friends who were working there at the time and got me an interview. Another friend recommended a temp agency to me. I got a decent amount of work through there. Basically, it's easier to get a job if you have an "in," but you may have to start at the bottom of the barrel and work your way up.

Some weeks I worked five days at the restaurant, one day at the temp job, and mornings at the house of an actor preparing for a one-man show he was doing. I had to keep really careful track of my paychecks and budget to make sure I would have enough for rent. I made sure I had a cushion of money in my checking account just in case I had an emergency.

The hours will be long and frustrating and you might cry a lot, but if you can stick with it through the tough times, I promise you that you will be able to work anywhere in the world and do anything you want to do, because you did it in New York. Go to open calls. Make phone calls. Walk in and be ready to fill out an application in person, and ask to see the manager right away. Be proactive. Let the rush of energy and fear from being in a new place help you take action.

The one thing I will say is don't let the job become your whole life. There are so many things to see and do here, and you want to have the time to enjoy them. It's not just about survival, it's about living well, and about having time to work on your art. Now I have one job in due diligence, with benefits and healthcare, that allows me to work on my theater stuff, my real passion, in my spare time. I've been with that firm for a little over four years.

CAC: How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year?

LP: I moved here with about $5k, and it took me about $3k to get settled over a period of three months. I lived out of suitcases but clawed my way into an apartment, and took it from there. I also talked to my parents to figure out what my "bailout" fund looked like, and they gave me a ballpark figure - if things ever got really bad, I knew I could call them, but there was a limit, so that encouraged me to stay frugal. I didn't consider that money part of my budget, just a little peace of mind - and I still haven't used it. (But keep in mind, this was in 2012, so adjust for inflation!)

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

LP: Apply for an IDNYC. It's a municipal (city) ID card that comes with yearlong museum memberships that you can sign up for via the website and it's also a valid ID card if you're somewhat irregular in your living situation - anyone who can prove residency, even homeless persons, can get one! Also, make www.broadwayforbrokepeople.com your bookmark for discounted play tickets. Most theaters have discount programs based on age. You can also try for lotto tickets using the TodayTix app.

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

LP: 1. Go to Mass, every Sunday. Try out different parishes until you find one where you feel comfortable and welcome. We have so, so many and they are waiting for you to fill them up with your time and talents. If they are in your neighborhood, so much the better.

2. Invest in your neighborhood. Shop local. Get to know the community. Attend local events. You're going to meet people you'd never have met back home, and most of them won't be artists, or Catholic - although some might be both! It will inform you creatively more than you know.

3. Surround yourself with people who treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. This might seem like general life advice, and it is, but as a Catholic you'll find yourself facing challenges in the city, and as an artist in this city, you'll certainly be challenged. But at the end of the day, when you lay your head down, wherever you find a spot, you have to know you are safe and loved. Nothing is worth your respect and dignity, and do everything you can to maintain it. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel trapped and afraid. You aren't the only artist (or Catholic) to feel this way in this city.

#laura pittenger #playwright #director #catholic #catholic artist #catholic artists nyc #catholic artist connection #ball state university #new sanctuary #new sanctuary coalition #writing #writer

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