#and even if they did i'd have to take my dog to a motel for 48 hours and i cant afford that either

[agayconcept]

i am Sufferign

[layce2015]

Supernatural (Dean Winchester x Female!Reader)

My Bloody Valentine

Masterlist pt 1

Masterlist pt 2

"So...you were the one who found the bodies?" Sam asked the roommate to this girl named Alice, who had died along with this guy....by them eating each other to death. "There was blood everywhere...and...other stuff...I think Alice was already dead." the girl said, upset. "But Russell wasn't?" Sam asked her. "I think he was, mostly, except...he was still sort of...chewing a little." she replied and I do everything in my powerto not gag and throw up. "Oh. Uh-huh." Sam mutters.

"How do two people even do that--Eat each other to death?" the girl asked. "That's a really good question." I said as I hold back the vomit that was creeping up on me.��"Now, the last few days, did you notice her acting erratically?" I asked her. "How do you mean?" the girl asked me, confused. "I mean, did she seem...unusually hostile, aggressive?" I asked and the girl shakes her head.

"No way. Alice never drank, never even swore. She was a nice girl. And I'm talking, like, a nice girl--Like she still had her promise ring, if you know what I mean." she said. "She was a virgin?" Sam asked her and she nods. "No premarital. I used to wonder how she did it. I mean, you know, didn't do it. It was her first date in months. She was so excited." the girl said. "Apparently, they were both pretty excited." I joked and Sam rolls his eyes.

"How'd it go?" Dean asked us as we walked into the motel room, bringing in a bag of fast food and a small grocery bag. "Um...No EMF, no sulfur. Ghost possession and demonic possession are both probably out." Sam said. "Hmm. That's where I was puttin' my money." Dean said. "Nope." Sam said as Dean rubs his eyes. "Well, then what, then?" he asked and Sam and I shrug.

"Oh, guys! At the coroner's-- you didn't see these bodies. I mean, these two started eating a- and they just...kept going. I mean, their stomachs were full. Like - like...Thanksgiving-dinner full. Talk about co-dependent." Dean said. "Well...I mean, we got our feelers out. Not much more we can do tonight." I said as I sit on the bed and pulled out a chocolate bar out of the grocery bag and start to eat on it.

"All right. I'm just gonna go through some files...at the library. So you two can have fun." Sam said and I look over at him as I break another piece of the chocolate in pop it in my mouth. "Sorry?" Dean and I said. "Go ahead. Unleash the kraken. See you two later or in the morning." Sam said.

"What are we doing?" Dean asked Sam. "Dean, it's Valentine's day. Your favorite holiday, remember? I mean, you used to always call it-- Uh, unattached drifter Christmas? But now that you're clearly attached..." Sam said as he nods at me. "Figured you two would like some alone time." 

"Oh, yeah. Well...be that as it may...I don't know. Guess I'm not feeling it tonight." Dean said, shrugging. Then Sam looks over at me. "Honestly, I'm fine. Besides, never really was a huge fan of Valentine's Day. I'd rather have an unexpected romantic gesture on any other day." I said as I break another piece of chocolate and eat it. "This is why you're my favorite." Dean said, joking, and I let out a playful scoff.

Dean takes a sip and I look over at Sam, who seemed surprised and confused. "What?" we asked him. "That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong." Sam said as he mainly stares at Dean in surprise. "Remarkably patronizing concern duly noted. Nothing's wrong. We gonna work or what?" Dean said as he sits down at the table and Sam eyes him, worriedly, until he eventually sits down at the table and I join them and we get to work.

A moment later, Sam turns and looks out the window them he sniffs the air. "You okay?" I asked Sam, concerned. "Yeah, I'm fine." Sam said as he slowly turns back and gets back to work.

"Agent Marley, you just can't stay away." the doctor, Dr Corman, said as Dean, Sam and I walk into the morgue the next day. "Heard you tagged another double suicide." Dean said. "Well, I just finished closing them up." The doctor said then Dean turns to me and Sam.

"Dr. Corman, these are my partners, special agent Cliff and Jett." Dena introduced and Corman nods at us. "Agent Cliff and Agent Jett. I've finished my prelims. I pulled the organ sets and sent off the tox samples." he said. "Great. You mind if we take a look at the bodies?" Sam asked him. "Not at all. But like I said -their...Good-and-plenties are already tupperwared." Corman said. "Super." I said, a bit of sarcasm in my voice.

"Leave the keys with Marty up front. And please, gentlemen and lady...refrigerate after opening..." Corman said and he leaves and we go over to the Tupperware filled with organs and we put on gloves and start to examine the remains.

"Hey." Dean said, after nudging my side. I turn to him and he hands me one of the hearts we were examining. "Be my Valentine?" He asked me and I chuckle a bit. "Oh, how sweet. And they say romance is dead." I said, sarcastically, and Dean chuckles lightly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second." Sam said as he looks at the heart in my hands. "These hearts both have identical marks. Check this out. It looks like some kind of letter." He said as he takes the heart out of my hands and examines it. "Oh, no." He mutters. "What?" Dean and I asked. "I think it's Enochian." Sam said.

"You mean like angel scratches? So you think it's like the tagging on our ribs?" I asked him. "(Y/n), I don't know." Sam said, unsure. "Ah, hell." Dean said and he trembles hid gloves, pulls out his phone and dials a number. "Cas, it's Dean. Yeah, room 31-c, basement level...St. James medical center." He said. "I'm there now." Cas said as he appears in front of us, still holding the phone to his ear.

"Yeah, I get that." Dean said as he stares at him. "I'm gonna hang up now." Cas said. "Right." said Dean and Cas hangs up the phone then goes over to the table and picks up one of the hearts. "You're right, Sam. These are angelic marks. I imagine you'll find similar marks on the other couples' hearts as well--" Cas said.

"So, what are they? I mean, what do they mean?" Sam asked. "It's a mark of union. This man and woman were intended to mate." Cas said. "Okay, but who put them there?" I asked, confused. "Well, your people call them Cupid." Cas replied and I furrow my brow at this.

"A what?" Sam asked. "What human myth has mistaken for Cupid is actually a lower order of angel. Technically it's a cherub, third-class." Cas explains. "Cherub?" Dean asked. "Yeah, they're all over the world. There are dozens of them." said Cas. "You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers?" I asked Cas, to clarify. "They're not incontinent." Castiel said.

"Okay, anyway. So, what you're saying--" Sam said, trying to figure out what was being said. "What I'm saying is a Cupid has gone rogue and we have to stop him--before he kills again." Castiel said. "Naturally." Sam said. "Of course we do." Dean grumbles.

Later, we go to a resturant and the waitress brings Dean a cheeseburger, Sam a salad and me a grilled chicken sandwich. Dean then looks over at Cas, who was sitting across from me and Dean and next to Sam.

"So, what, you just happen to know he likes the cosmos at this place?" Dean asked him. "This place is a nexus of human reproduction. It's exactly the kind of-of garden the Cupid will come to-- to pollinate." Cas said as Dean puts ketchup on his cheeseburger and was about to eat it but put it back down at Cas' last words.

"Wait a minute. You're not hungry?" I asked him. "No." Dean said and I furrow my brow at him. "What? I'm not hungry." Dean said. "Then you're not gonna finish that?" Cas said and he takes Dean's cheeseburger and begins to eat it.

After a few minutes, Cas looks around then said. "He's here." and we look around. "Where? I don't see anything." Sam said. "There." Cas said as he nods towards the couple across from us. "You mean the same-side-of-the-booth couple over there?" Dean asked as he nods towards the couple. "Meet me in the back." Cas tells us as he gets up and leaves.

"Cas, where is he?" Sam asked Cas after we make it to the back of the restaurant. "I have him tethered." Cas assures then he begins a chant. "Zoda kama mahrana. Manifest yourself." he said and we look around. "So, where is he?" Dean asked, when suddenly a chubby, almost naked man appears and grabs Dean in a hug.

"Oof!" Dean said. "Here I am!" the cupid said, happily. "Help!" Dean yells and I had to hold back a laugh. "Oh, help is on the way. Yes, it is. Yes, it is." Cupid said then he drops Dean then walks over to Cas. "Hello, you!" he said and he picks Castiel up, hugging him.

"This is Cupid?" I asked Cas. "Yes." Cas replied and Cupid sets him down then turns to me. "C'mere you!" He said as he walks over to me. "Oh God, no...!" I said but he grabs me and pulls me into a hug. "Ugh, feels like I'm being hugged by a boa constrictor." I groaned as he sets me down and looks over at Sam.

"And look at you, huh?" He said. "No." Sam said and he turns away but Cupid appears in front of him, hugging him too. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" he said. "Is this a fight? Are we in a fight?" Dean asked. "This is...Their handshake." Cas said. "I don't like it." Dean said. "No one likes it." Cas said as I hold my side. "I think he bruised a rib." I said and Cupid stops hugging Sam and turns to us.

"What can I do for you?" he asked. "Why are you doing this?" Castiel asked him. "Doing what?" Cupid asked, confused. "Your targets-- the ones you've marked--They're slaughtering each other." Cas tells him. "What? They are?" Cupid said, almost like he was shocked. "Listen, birthday suit, we know, okay? We know you been flittin' around, popping people with your poison arrow, making them murder each other!" Dean yells and Cupid looked a bit upset.

"What we don't know is why." Cas said. "You think that I--Well, uh...I don't know what to say." Cupid said then he walk away a few feet from us and begins to cry.

"Should...Should somebody maybe...go talk to him?" I asked. "Yeah, that's a good idea. Give 'em hell, Cas." Dena tells Cas, who sighs then walks over to Cupid. "Um...look. We didn't mean to, um...hurt your feelings." Cas said then Cupid hugs him.

"Love is more than a word to me, you know. I love love. I love it! And if that's wrong, I don't want to be right!" Cupid exclaims. "Yes, yes. Of course. I, uh...I have no idea what you're saying." Cas said, groaning. "I was just on my appointed rounds. Whatever my targets do after that that's nothing to do with me. I- I was following my orders. Please brother. Read my mind. Read my mind, you'll see." Cupid said as he lets go of Cas then Cas stares at him for a few moments.

"He's telling the truth." Castiel said as he turns to us. "Jiminy Christmas. Thank you." Cupid said, happily.  "Wait, wait, you said--You said you were just following orders?" I asked and Cupid nods. "Whose orders?" I asked. "Whose?" Cupid said then he begins to laugh. "Heaven, silly. Heaven." He said.

"Why does heaven care if Harry meets Sally?" Dean asked him. "Oh, mostly they don't. You know, certain bloodlines, certain destinies. Oh, like yours." Cupid said, nodding towards Dean and Sam. "What?" Sam asked. "Yeah, the union of John and Mary Winchester--Very big deal upstairs, top priority arrangement. Mm." Cupid said.

"Are you saying that you fixed-up our parents?" Dean asked him. "Well, not me, but...Yeah. Well, it wasn't easy, either. Ooh, they couldn't stand each other at first. But when we were done with them--Perfect couple." Cupid said.

"Perfect?" Dean asked.

"Yeah." Cupid said, nodding.

"They're dead!" Dean yells. "I'm sorry, but...the orders were very clear. You and Sam needed to be born. Your parents were just, uh...meant to be." Cupid said then he begins to sing. "A match made in heaven- heaven!" Then Dean punches Cupid. "Son of a bitch!" Dean yells but Cupid disappears.

"Where is he? Where'd he go?!" Dean asked, angrily. "I believe you upset him." Cas said, plainly. "Upset him?!" Dean yelled and I go up to him and place my hands on his chest. "Dean. Enough!" I said. "What?" Dean asked me, angrily. "You just punched a Cupid!" I shouted at him. "I punched a dick!" Dean screams.

"Um...Are we gonna talk about what's been up with you lately or not?" Sam asked Dean. "Or not." Dean growls as he pushes me aside and walks off while I scoff.

"Hey. So, uh, this guy was not marked by Cupid, but his death is definitely suspicious." Sam tells us over the phone. He had gone to the medical center again to investigate that a man had died from eating a crap ton of Twinkies. Dean and I were walking to the Impala, bout to head back to the motel, as Dean has his phone on speaker so that I could hear it while I had a bag of Oreo cookies in my hand and was eating them.

"Yeah, well, (y/n) and I just went through the police blotter, and counting him, that's eight suicides since Wednesday and 19 ODs-- That's way out of the seasonal batting average." Dean said. "Yeah, if there's a pattern here, it ain't just love. It's a hell of a lot bigger than we thought." Sam said.

"Yeah, all right. We'll see you in 10." Dean said. "Yeah, okay." Sam said and Dean hangs up and we get into the car. I had eaten a couple of the cookies when Dean looks over at me. "If there is any crumbs in this car, you're cleaning it." He warns me as I swallow the cookie. "Sorry, Dean...I'll be careful." I said as I put another cookie in my mouth. 

"What is going on with you?" He asked me and I shrug. "I don't know. Suddenly, I've been having a strong craving for any chocolate of some kind!" I said after swallowing the cookie. "Oh God, please tell me you're not pregnant." He groans. "No! At least....I don't think so." I said as I try to think. The last time Dean and I had sex was only about a couple of weeks ago when Sam said he was going out for awhile and Dean and I were able to get a couple of rounds in before Sam came back in. 

But there was no way the cravings would've kicked in that soon....could it? I mean this craving started to happen when we got here. 

I look over at Dean as he gives me a look that says Are you sure? "Look, if it continues, I'll go get the test." I said and Dean nods and he starts up the car and we head off.

"Dean?" I said after a moment of silence. "Hmmm." Dean hums. "Do you think...those Cupids set up my parents?" I asked and Dean turns his head to look at me for a moment before turning his head back to the road. "I don't know...maybe...I mean, it's a possibility since you're Ariel’s vessel." Dean said and I think. "But it seems any angel we've been in contact with and when they see her, they act surprised." I said and Dena shrugs. "Maybe not then..." he said as I think again.

"You think...they set...us up?" I asked Dean and immediately he shakes his head. "No." He said, firmly. "How do you know?" I asked him. "Because if they planned for me and Sam to start the apocalypse, I doubt it." He said and I give him a look. "So you're saying I might have been a mistake or a fluke?" I asked, a bit of a laugh in my voice. He smirks a bit, taken noticed of the laugh in my voice then said. "Possibly. But if you were planned or a mistake, I can assure you...."

Dean looks over at me then takes my hand in his right hand and holds it. "...meeting you was no mistake. And I believe my feelings for you are real." Dean said and I smile at him. "You can be real sweet, you know that?" I said and Dean chuckles. "Oh, yeah. I'm a really Prince Charming." He jokes and we share a laugh.

"What the hell does a demon got to do with this, anyway?" Dean asked Sam as he paces the motel room. After we got back to the motel room, Sam walked in, carrying a briefcase, and told us that he had encountered a demon on his way here. He killed the demon and took the case with him. "Believe me, I got no idea." Sam said to me, Dean and Cas, who had stayed at our room as we went out investigating.

"You okay?" I asked him. "Yeah, yeah. I'll be all right." Sam assures me as Dean looks at the briefcase. "Let's crack her open. What's the worst that could happen, right?" Dean asked and he opens the case and a bright light shines inside.

"Whoa!" Sam said, in awe. "What the hell was that?" I asked as Dean shuts the case. "It's a human soul. It's starting to make sense." Castiel said as he takes a bite out of his burger. "Now, what about that makes sense?" Sam asked him. "And when did you start eating?" Dean asked Cas, nodding at the burger in his hands.

"Exactly. My hunger-- it's a clue, actually." Cas said. "For what?" The boys and I asked, in unison. "This town is not suffering from some love-gone-wrong effect. It's suffering from hunger. Starvation, to be exact--Specifically...famine." Cas said. "Famine? As- as in the horseman?" Sam asked, shocked, and Cas nods. "Great. Th- th-that's freaking great." Dean grumbles.

"I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food." I said, questioning. "Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something--Sex, attention, drugs, love..." Cas said. "Well, that explains the puppy-lovers that Cupid shot up." Dean said. "Right. The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it." Cas said and a light bulb goes off in my brain. 

"That would explain my chocolate cravings." I said as I look at Dean, who seemed a bit relieved. "Okay, but what about you? I mean, since when do angels secretly hunger for White Castle?" Dean asked Castiel. "It's my vessel-- Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect." Cas said as he takes another bite of burger.

"So, Famine just rolls into town and everybody goes crazy?" I asked and Cas nods. "And then will come Famine riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty...and great will be the Horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. His hunger will seep out and poison the air." Cas recites and he looks over at us. "Famine is hungry. He must devour the souls of his victims." He said. 

"So, that's what was in the briefcase--The twinkie dude's soul?" Dean asked. "Lucifer has sent his demons to care for Famine, to feed him, make certain he'll be ready." Cas said. "Ready for what?" Sam asked. "To March across the land." Cas replied.

"Famine?" Dean asked Cas who continues to eat his burger while Sam was in the bathroom. "Yes." Cas said through the mouthful of burgers. "So, what, this whole town is just gonna eat, drink, and screw itself to death?" I asked Cas and he nods. "We should stop it." he said. "Yeah, that's a great idea." Dean said with sarcasm. "How?" I asked Cas.

"How did you stop the last horseman you met?" Cas asked us. "War got his mojo from this ring. And after we cut it off, he just tucked tail and ran. And everybody that was affected, it was like they woke up out of a dream. You think Famine's got a class ring, too?" Dean said. "I know he does." Castiel said. "Well, okay. L- let's track him down and get to chopping." I said. "Yeah." Cas said then he eyes his empty fast food bag sadly.

"What are you, the Hamburglar?" Dean asked him. "I've developed a taste for ground beef." Cas replied. "Well, have you even tried to stop it?" Dean asked him. "I'm an angel. I can stop anytime I want." Cas said. "Whatever. Sam, (y/n) let's roll." Dean said and I nod, even though I keep feeling this strong urge to eat chocolate. Unfortunately, I ate all of the cookies.

"Dean...I, um...I can't. I can't go." Sam said as he walks out of the bathroom, looking tired. "What do you mean?" Dean asked. "I think it got to me, Dean. I think I'm hungry for it..." Sam said. "Hungry for what?" Dean asked, confused, but my eyes widen in fear. "Demon blood?" I asked and Sam hangs his head. "You got to be kidding me." Dean grumbles then he turns to Castiel.

"You got to get him out of here. You got to beam him to, like, Montana. Anywhere but here." Dean tells her. "It won't work. He's already infected. The hunger is just gonna travel with him. The same goes for (y/n)." Castiel said and I look down.

"Well, then, what do we do?" Dean asked. "You go cut that bastard's finger off." Sam said and Dean stares at him then turns to me and Cas. "You heard him." Dean said and I nod. "But, Dean...before you go, you better...you better lock me down - but good." Sam said.

Minutes later, I cuff Sam to the bathroom sink pipe. "All right, well, just hang in there. We'll be back as soon as we can." I tell him. "Be careful. And...hurry." Sam tells me and I nodded. "We'll do our best." I assure him as I place a hand on his shoulder and give him a reassuring smile.

Dean and I exit the bathroom, and Castiel blocks the bathroom door with a dresser.

"Hey, Marty. Is Dr. Corman around?" Dean asked the secretary as we walked into the hospital and I was eating on a chocolate bar. "You haven't heard?" Marty asked us. "Heard what?" Dean and I asked. "Guy's been dry for the last 20 years, but this morning, he left work, went home, and drank himself to death." Marty said.

"It's Famine." Cas said and I turn to him and shake my head. "Pardon?" Marty asked then Dean turns to him. "Would you give us a minute, please?" Dean asked him. "Sure." said Marty. "Thanks." Dean said and him, Cas and I walk away.

"Crap! I really kind of liked this guy." Dean said. "They haven't harvested his soul yet." Castiel said. "Well, if we want to play follow the soul to get to Famine, our best shot starts with the doc, here." I said and Dean nods.

Later, Dean and I were in the Impala, in front of the hospital, and once again I was eating on some chocolate bar when Dean looks over at me. "You're gonna get a stomach ache, you know that?" He said and I turn to him. "Oh thanks, Dad. I didn't know that." I said, sarcastically. "Look, I've been trying to stop but...." I said when I look at the rear view mirror and see Cas sitting in the backseat with another burger.

"Are you serious?" Dean asked once he noticed Cas' appearance. "These make me...very happy." Cas said. "How many is that?" I asked him. "I lost count. It's in the low hundreds." Cas said then he looks at Dean.

"What I don't understand is...where is your hunger, Dean?" he asked. "Huh?" said Dean. "Well, slowly but surely, everyone in this town is falling prey to Famine, but so far, you seem unaffected." Cas said. "Hey, when I want to drink, I drink. When I want sex, I go get it. Same goes for a sandwich or a fight." Dean said as he pats my thigh.

"So...you're saying you're just well-adjusted?" Cas asked. "God, no. I'm just well-fed." Dean replied and I roll my eyes. "Look there." Cas said as we see a man in a black suit coming out of the hospital, carrying a briefcase. He drives off so we follow him in the Impala.

"Demons. You want to go over the plan again?" Dean asked Cas after we followed the guy to the resturant but Cas kept eating his burger. "Hey, happy meal. The plan?" Dean asked. "I take the knife, I go in, I cut off the ring hand of Famine, and I meet you back here in the parking lot." Cas said. "Well, that sounds foolproof." Dean grumbles and Cas disappears.

A few minutes had passed and Cas had not returned. "This is taking too long." Dean growls and he gets out of the car. "You stay here, okay?" Dean said to me as he turns to look at me through the window. "You sure?" I asked him. "You're infected by his influence, I don't want you near him." Dean said and I nod.

"If I don't come back out, go back to the motel and get Sam." Dean said. "But what about his demon blood hunger?" I asked. "I'm aware of that but...it might be our last hope if I don't make it." Dean said. "Okay, be careful." I tell him and he nods and he stares at me for a moment. "I love you." He said and I give him a small smile. "I love you too." I said and he walks away from the car and towards the Resturant.

*3rd Person's POV*

"Cas! Cas." Dean calls out as he enters the building, only to see Castiel kneeling on the floor, stuffing his mouth with raw ground meat. Two demons attack Dean, and bring him to Famine, and old man in a wheelchair with a breathing tube in his nose. "The other Mr. Winchester." Famine said. 

"What did you do to him?" Dean asked as he gestures to Castiel. "You sicced your dog on me. I just threw him a steak." Famine said. "So this is your big trick? Huh? Making people cuckoo for cocoa puffs?" Dean asked.  Doesn't take much--hardly a push. Oh, America--all-you-can-eat, all the time. Consume, consume. A swarm of locusts in stretch pants. And yet, you're all still starving because hunger doesn't just come from the body, it also comes from the soul." Famine said.

"It's funny, it doesn't seem to be coming from mine." Dean said, smirking. "Yes. I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you could even walk in my presence?" Famine asked him. "Well, I like to think it's because of my strength of character." Dean said, sarcastically. "I disagree." Famine said and he moves closer to Dean and touches him.

"Yes. I see. That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex." Famine said. "Oh, you're so full of crap." Dean growls. "Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother and your pretty little girlfriend, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just...keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already...dead." Famine said.

"Let him go." a voice commanded and Famine turns to face Sam, whose face is stained with blood. "Sam..." Famine said. "Sammy, no!" Dean said as two of the five demons guarding Famine move to attack Sam. "Stop! No one lays a finger on this sweet little boy. Sam, I see you got the snack I sent you." Famine said to him. "You sent?" Sam asked. "Don't worry. You're not like everyone else. You'll never die from drinking too much. You're the exception that proves the rule. Just the way...Satan wanted you to be. So..." Famine said and he lifts his hands and gestures at the demons guarding him.

"...cut their throats. Have at them!" he said. "Sammy, no!" Dean yells. "Please, be my guest." Famine said to Sam. Sam lifts his hand, closes his eyes, and pulls all five demons from their hosts at once. Dean watches in shock while (y/n) runs in, after seeing Sam entering the building. She also looks on in shock as the demon smoke pools on the floor.

"No." Sam said, lowering his hand. "Well...Fine. If you don't want them...then I'll have them." Famine said then he opens his mouth and devours all five of the demon souls. Sam steps forward and extends his hand toward Famine. "I'm a Horseman, Sam. Your power doesn't work on me." Famine sneers. "You're right. But it will work on them." Sam said and he uses his power to rip out all the souls Famine consumed.

Famine screams out in pain while Sam's nose bleeds with the effort, but the demon souls explode out of Famine and Famine slumps, his eyes empty. Dean and (y/n) look at Sam, as does Castiel.

Hours later, Castiel, Dean and (y/n) make it to Bobby's house and put Sam inside of the panic room. Castiel and Dean stand outside the panic room door as Sam screams. "Let me out of here, please! Help!" he screams as Dean looks down and drinks from the bottle of whiskey.

"That's not him in there. Not really." Castiel assures Dean. "I know." Dean mutters. "Dean, Sam just has to get it out of his system. Then he'll be--" Castiel said then Dean shakes his head, slightly. "Listen, I just, uh...I just need to get some air." Dean said and he heads upstairs.

(y/n), who was sitting in the kitchen, looks up and sees Dean walking up the stairs. "Hey..." she said, softly, but Dean ignores her and heads to the front door. "Dean..." she said, worried, but the sound of the door shutting told her that he went outside and she sighs.

Dean walks out onto the scrap yard, a bottle in his hand, and looks up at the sky. "Please...I can't...I need some help." he said, tears in his eyes and throat. "Please?" he cries as he looks up at the sky, tears rolling down his cheek.

Meanwhile, inside of Bobby's house, (y/n) was sitting at the kitchen table, her head in her hands and the sounds of Sam's screaming could still be heard, when she heard the sounds of wings next to her. She turns her head and see Ariel standing next to her. "Hey..." she said, softly, and she looks towards the door of the basement as Sam continues to scream.

"Where have you been?" (Y/n) asked her. "Still trying to find Dad." Ariel said. "And how's that going?" (Y/n) asked her. "Honestly? Not good. Seems like I can't find him but...I guess I still have hope." Ariel said and she goes to sit across from (y/n).

Sam's screams and yells continue and Ariel looks towards the door again then she turns to (y/n). "Cas told me what happened. And...." Ariel said and (y/n) let's out a sigh. "Ariel, I have a question." She said, firmly, and the archangel was taken aback a bit but nods.

"Okay..." she said. "Cas introduced us to a Cupid...and he said that they set up John and Mary by order from Heaven." (Y/n) said and Ariel nods. "Since you told me I'm your vessel...was my parents set up just so I could be born?" (Y/n) asked her.

Ariel stares at her then sighs as she looks down at the table. "When I heard about the plan of the joining of John and Mary, I knew I needed to act as soon as possible. One of the Cupids is a close friend of mine and we tried to find the best couple. We eventually picked your mother and father especially since your father came from a long line of hunters. It was perfect and I sent the Cupid to go after your mother and father." Ariel explains and (y/n) listens to her, intently.

"But...when the Cupid got to the location where your mother and father were, he saw that they were already talking and were, as you humans say, hitting it off." Ariel said and (y/n) stares at her in shock. "So the plan worked without our interference." Ariel said.

(Y/n) felt like an intense weight was just lifted off of her shoulders. She sighs, beginning to relax a bit but then her mind wandered back to her and Dean. 

Dean believe his feelings for her are real and she wishes she could have his confidence. But after learning things about the demons and Heaven, it seems everything in her and the boys’ life was plan out and orchestrated to get them where they are today. She can’t help but have some doubts, even in her own feelings. 

(Y/n) let’s out a shaky breath as she looks at Ariel, not wanting to ask this question. But she needs to know, even if the answer she’s afraid of turns out to be true. “Was…was Dean and I set up?” She asked, hesitantly. 

Ariel stares at her and (y/n) fidgets a little in her seat as she anxiously awaits for a response. The corners of Ariel’s lips turn upward for a reassuring smile. ���You can rest assure, (y/n). The love between you and Dean is pure and as he would say, the real deal.” She said.

(Y/n’s) mouth drops open a little and her eyes light up in relief. “Really?” She asked. “It is best you don’t tell Sam this but...his past relationships with Jessica and Ruby, they were planned. But you and Dean, that wasn’t. Everyone was so focus on trying to pull Sam along to where they wanted him that you two simply slipped under the radar.” Ariel explained.

“So our relationship is one of the few things we have free will over?” (Y/n) asked and Ariel nodded. “Yes, I promise you that.” She replied and (y/n) let's out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Ariel." She said, relieved, and Ariel gives her an assured smile.

@rach5ive @kitsun369 @itzabbyxx @cevans-winchester @ellie-andthemachine

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Visiting the Supernatural shooting locations Part 2

Please find part 1 here.

On our final day, we did Deer Lake and Riverview as the main viewing points.

The thing y'all gotta keep in mind is that there are so many locations, that we drove by countless of them just driving around, so I'm not showing you most of what I saw because I didn't get pictures of it all and also because tumblr wouldn't allow me to post so many photos.

That spot that's highlighted in Riverview? They shot 1x05, 1x10, 1x13, 1x18, 2x01, 2x19, 3x15, 4x06, 4x09, 4x13, 4x16, 5x04, 5x11, 6x10, 6x21, 7x02, 7x03, 7x10, 7x17, 7x21, and 10x09 there.

And that's just one building in Riverview.

It's a beautiful park and we got really lucky with the weather and it only poured rain for half of one day. Even with the bright light, it felt very creepy and I can only imagine how it would look and feel with fog or on a cloudy day. There were a lot of signs warning people not to enter the building or stay on the premises after dark.

A lot of the finale was filmed around Deer Lake. Unfortunately, the Burnaby Village Museum was closed because apparently it's only open to the public in the summer. We weren't able to visit there, but we were able to visit several other filming sites.

One of the things I noticed is that often episodes are filmed in clumps. For example, Regarding Dean was filmed in a few locations, but they grouped together the filming at the various locations to make it easier to film. The restaurant they went to was the Denny's near the motel they went to.

At this Deer Lake location, they filmed multiple scenes from the finale Sam playing catch with son, Dean's funeral pyre, the tree scene, the house the vamps broke into, Sam going for a run, and the pie scene, plus scenes from other episodes.

We found the tree where Baby was parked

which was in a slightly different location than the map said, but close enough that we found it easily. This place looked so different

But we're at a different time of the year and we're visiting 14 years later, so it's probably due to that.

One thing that I forgot to mention on the earlier post is that while Bobby's house is gone, the junkyard is still standing and an active business.

We had read online that the owner is very friendly, but it felt kinda awkward going in there and taking photos while people are hard at work. There's a giant dog that barks at you when you walk in.

One place I wanted to visit, but didn't get to was the Spur 4 Bridge where the finale ended.

There's a few shooting locations up there including the spot where Sam and Dean split up in 5.02 and the purgatory scenes in s15, but the Spur 4 Bridge is a hike since it's on a private road. Most people access it through the Fisherman's Trail

Although it's rated as easy here, someone who hiked it recently said that due to a rockslide, bring boots. You can also bike around it.

Since it was such a long hike, I decided to save it for next visit, when I'll plan a whole day around it. I also want to visit the place where they defeat Chuck, which is up in Minaty Bay and visit the area south of Richmond where they filmed Mystery Spot and several BM scenes.

As for getting around in general, the city of Vancouver is very bikeable and there's different bike rental options available. I don't know about transporting them between locations, but you can do this section by bike easy

We had a car, which enabled us to travel to a wide variety of sites and visit locations such as the Lulu Trestle (1x07, 3x07, 4x03, 4x13, 9x14, 12x22, 15x18).

Now you can get to the Trestle by public transportation, but it'll take you an hour from Burnaby Village Museum by bus versus a 16 minute drive. If you don't have access to a car, I'd focus my visit on the cities. At one point, we split up and I took the Sky Train from Burnaby to Westminster and it was very safe and easy. I also took a few buses to get to and from various locations. Vancouver was, in my experience, a very clean, safe city, with lots of public restrooms. Just don't continue going east of Gastown. There may be other parts that are unsafe, so if you are unsure, send me a PM and I can tell you exactly where we went.

I also recommend Salmon n'Bannock, which is an Indigenous restaurant that had some of the best food I've ever had.

Hope this helps! It was an amazing experience and I highly recommend that you visit. I'd pick out your favorite places before you arrive because there's so many places and it can get overwhelming looking at the map!

[iamnotawomanimagod]

top 5 yellowjackets characters

Thank you my friend! <3

1 - Natalie

I've always had a serious soft spot for tragic burnout addicts, and Natalie is no exception to that rule. The way she arrives in the wilderness a bit more fucked-up than everyone else (having witnessed her dad's death,) and with all this baggage surrounding being an impoverished addict at such a young age. You'd expect that she'd unravel first and hardest, but instead, we see Nat take up a role of responsibility in the group. She hunts for food. She comforts Travis when no one else will. She tries not to take her emotions and reactions out on other people.

Even with everything she's been through, how seemingly broken she is in civilization, she ends up being one of the strongest and most capable of the plane crash survivors. And I love that for her.

2 - Misty

I often find myself repeating Adult Natalie's first on-screen words to Adult Misty - "Misty, you crazy fucking bitch." Because she truly is THAT crazy fucking bitch, and I absolutely adore her for it. She does the most insane shit, the most selfish and ruthless things, and yet I love her more and more for it with each increasingly unhinged act. It is so compelling to see someone who is genuinely very caring, considerate, and concerned about others take that to the absolute worst extreme, where compassion becomes control and adoration becomes obsession. She put a spy camera in your motel room because she cares, Natalie!! She can't leave you alone or stop being in love with you because knows you need help, Ben!! She just wanted everyone to have a fun Doomcoming, group-of-people-who-just-unknowingly-did-shrooms!!

I've rarely seen a character be so lovable and also so utterly awful at the same time. I was sure I'd hate her after her first scene as an adult (denying that old woman her pain meds) so I was very surprised that she became one of my favorites. She keeps things interesting, and her motivations are both painfully simple and maniacally complex.

3 - Taissa

Tai's storyline is probably my favorite. I really love the dramatic irony of this straight-laced, logically driven, pragmatic girl losing her mind in the most obvious and dangerous way out of everyone else (so far.) Her backstory reveal - the Man with No Eyes, her grandmother's terrified final words - does so much work in explaining why Taissa is so stubbornly refusing to accept help, to accept an explanation, or to seek answers. She just wants to be able to ignore it all until it goes away, which is a very heartbreaking thing for such a seemingly mature character to experience. I think her adult storyline is the closest to true horror that this show has done, and I'm very eager to see where it all continues to go - especially since it finally looks like Tai and Van will reunite as adults next week.

But that contrast between someone who's about to explode while trying to keep the tightest lid on it all - that's compelling. She killed her freaking dog and I still love her. This show has that effect.

4 - Lottie

Seeing more of Lottie in s2 has made me appreciate her character that much more. I'm so glad she's a bitch, lmao. Having her survive the wilderness, I definitely needed her to make it through with as many problems as all the others. And she definitely has them. I'm not sure if she's crazy, or a prophet, or both, or if it even matters. She's such an interesting character to bring into this narrative, and although we've only really just begun with it, I'm excited to see her descent into cult leader madness in its entirety. I do think she's one of the more compassionate and caring girls in the wilderness, and that she truly does want to help them all, and believes she's helping them all.

I think Adult Lottie has herself convinced she's still the same, but it's so easy to see how power-hungry she is, how much she likes being followed and believed, and how good she is at controlling people. I'm very keen on seeing how this all unfolds for her, and how she finds her way back to a leadership role after all the therapy and psych treatment.

5 - Shauna

Shauna is my least favorite of the main cast, but I do still like her. I just found her adultery storyline boring. But if I separate her from the Adam Martin of it all, she's definitely a super fascinating character. Her dynamic with Jackie is obviously the most interesting thing about her, and I think she's the most compelling candidate for the "teenage girls always cannibalize each other" metaphorical argument that so much of this fandom likes to make (which I'm otherwise a bit iffy on.) I'm a big fan of dynamics between teenage girls which explore that tender, tragic line between love and resentment. And Shauna brings a really fucked-up, dark edge to that dynamic. What I'm really liking about Shauna is that, out of all the girls/women, she seems the least bothered by violence, and the most willing to commit it. Killing the rabbit, killing Adam, threatening the car thief - Shauna is willing to take a life if it means she can get her way, and there's a part of herself, however deep down she tries to push it, that really enjoys violence and blood.

And that sets her apart from the others. They're all crazy, but the one who actually gives me the biggest Serial Killer vibes is Shauna, especially as an adult.

Thanks again, Lau! I love talking about this show. I'll answer your other questions soon!!

[m0nsterqzzz]

alr ima rant and it's genuinely gonna make me sound crazy.

so when i was 13, my mom told me if i got in one more fight, she'd throw me out on the streets. (she uses that a lot. don't ask) anyway, me being me, i said, "DO IT! I DARE YOU!".

that night, i came up with a plan.

this is my thought process at 13:

pack a big but not to big bag with clothes and other necessities. If i leave at like 2am, I'll be far gone by the time anyone notices.

we lived in a small town, and i knew a lot of people, which meant I knew several highschoolers willing to sell me burner phones for cheap. I will get only important numbers. as much as it hurts, my siblings aren't part of that. destroy my old phone because they easily track that.

we have a Amtrak 25 minutes away. I'll bike there. I'm athletic, so i can get there fast and not be too tired. It doesn't cost extra to take my bike on, so I'll take that with me.

A ticket cost about 50 dollars just to get on the train according to my cousin, and it's possible to get one just to get on and then ride it until i run out of money.

you need verification of identity to get on, so show them your military id. thats government verification. They'll ask questions about your age, but unlike the airport, they allow people over 13 to get on without parents.

so thats that. I'll set aside a certain amount of money, and once I'm out of that, I'll get off the train. Hopefully I'll be a bit away.

im trans (known since i was 11) so i would just go by my boy name (current name) CJ and tell everyone I was a boy. I'd cute my hair, and everyone will know me as CJ. it'll be harder for people in my old life to find me.

Homeless shelters ask for verification and won't give you help if you don't tell them your info or your parents info, so they can't help.

a hotel is the same way, but a motel is a lot less stern.

my druggie aunt used to stay at this trashy cheap one near the freeway, and according to my mom, it was about 35 a night. That's at least a few nights I can stay, and during those times, I'll find work.

Obviously, since I'm young, nobody will hire me, epically without parents around.

So a babysitter, gardener, or pet sitter is the choice. One of those. I have two dogs at home (this was the hardest part of the plan. i didn't wanna leave them, but you cant bring dogs that aren't service animals onto the train and i couldn't even pretend they were) so I'm good with dogs, and I'm just naturally good with kids.

though it's unknow, these actually pay quite a lot. About enough to pay for one night at the motel after every job and food from dollar tree. no need to be fancy.

I may have to spend a few nights on the street, but I will sit in a 24 hour Dennys until they kick me out and then I'll sleep outside it. There is always people in that, so they can probably protect me. If not, I've been taking karate since I was 3. I can defend myself, and truly just pray all goes well.

a few years later, I'll be 16, and it'll be easier to get a better job to afford a better life (probably a little hard because of no school but it's fine). I'll still live in the motel, but at least I won't be surviving off scraps and garbage. At that point, I may have sold my bike for extra money. if not, that's how I'll get around.

then, at 18, I'll have been saving up money for a few years and will probably have enough to splurge on a fancier motel thats less dangerous. By then, people will have hopefully stopped looking for me, and I can live in peace.

Me now:

and did you think about taxes kid?

so in conclusion, I know we all had a time when we walked down the street with a suitcase and stuffed animal and said we were running away. this was mine.

[argentumcor]

Got to A Cool Metal Fire and Chippin' In on the replay, which means I am soon to start PL (which will be interspersed with other quests once I can leave Dogtown).

Johnny's boy's night out is interesting because, while he's definitely living it up, he is in fact also staying on target. He is right that he needs to come to Rogue with something if he wants to get Smasher. How he knows to start with Ryder isn't clear to me, though the guy is clearly an old hand; what's funny is chances are V has seen the guy with Johnny in tow, to pick up a bit of payment from Wakako (the Tyger tattoo). At any rate, the point of his party is to find Grayson and he actually manages to focus fairly well even under possibly all the influence. Does he take advantage? Absolutely. But he does have a purpose to it.

What's also interesting is he doesn't tell Ruby to go to V's place- he tells her to drive that motel on the Northside where V eventually wakes up (while V doesn't wake up there, it's where her apartment up there can be found). I find that weirdly considerate. A little late, but, you know, something.

What's more, he clearly feels guilty about the whole thing as soon as V wakes up. He plays it as if he doesn't but it's so obvious that he does feel bad. He can feel how awful V feels and knows he betrayed her trust. It's why he kind of sticks around during the walk out and isn't really making convincing arguments that it was fine, it worked out, he deserved it blah blah blah. He's defensive, then concerned.

(I do wish he had a reaction to finding out Ruby died at the Columbarium, even just a "shit..."; it's his fault.)

Chippin' In kind of caps that off. The oil fields are the turnaround for him, even more than at the Pistis Sophia, where his introspection becomes more than just running around in circles of 'Saka-revenge-Smasher-desire to live again-guilt. He wants to make things right that he's left wrong. The pointless attempt to hunt down Smasher, getting an eyeful of how very much Rogue has changed and how very little she needed him, finding out he didn't even get a grave (not that his body is actually there argh), those things hit hard as well as his standing guilt about and growing affection for V- and V's fundamental decency (the game pushes this so hard) affecting him.

If I had my druthers, it would be completing this quest that would trigger the Black Dog follow-on- probably via Angel calling. It would make it missable if you were doing a purely main quest run, but you can turn down all of PL, too, and I like that about the game. If you were going to asshole V who treats Johnny as malware, why would you even be interested in what that story had to offer?

As if I needed more ideas for fic...I'd give it a shippy turn, though of course the game never would, though it could be low-key, I guess...I mean when the guy accompanying you through most of the game is Keanu Reeves as a rockstar, who did they think women were going to want?

[lovecolibri]

So happy that I found your blog, bless you and your anons. Honestly i'd like to meeting the writers that thought it was a good idea to focus 5a on a character that nobody can even stand, instead of seein chim being a single working father maybe bonding with eddie, karen a beloved character since s1, ravi... I don't care about T, her father, her mother, her dog, her boss her aunt, her trauma nothing. And I hope in 5b the writers won't write more eps like 5x9-10

Where the only thing they made buck do was going after her for all america like a lost puppy and instead of worring for chris he spent 20 mins trying to find her present, and again he could have got her a crocodile and I still wouldn't care. I hope this hiatus cured their obsession with the reporter. Again thank you for your lovely blog and please rant about b/t whenever you want😘

Awww, thanks Nonnie, and I have been sitting on this for ages so I hope you manage to see it! I also do not care a single iota about her job, how she does it, how she feels about doing it, or anything about her family, and I'm eternally bitter we had to suffer through her taking up as much screen time as she did rather than seeing other calls (Ghost Roommate my beloved 😭😭😭), and other characters/dynamics.

I will say that I get what they are going for with the bt relationship with regards to Buck and his character growth but they managed to get the point across with Ana just fine so IDK why we needed all this background and screen time for a guest star. I will say it again, and forever, in a year when people are re-watching season 5, no one is going to care that the original air date was a week after Halloween, no one is going to care about seeing a side character investigating a call that has nothing to do with the firefam (that her involvement didn't even impact, because Lou already found the motel on his own and then the "hitman" confessed so....what did she even contribute?), and no one is going to care about seeing her backstory that also has nothing to do with the firefam or Buck.

Like, we didn't see all that much from Shannon but what we did see was directly relational to Eddie and Chris. We didn't get any backstory on her except in regards to how her choices affected Eddie and Chris because she wasn't ever meant to stick around. I don't know if killing her off was always the plan, but having her come back into and then leave their lives in the same season? It had to be part of the season outline. So we did see about her made sense because it was about Chris and Eddie, not about her.

Now, even the reporter's backstory was still framed from Buck's POV (we don't see her in a scene alone about it, we don't see her meeting with/talking to her dad or the lawyer or anything) it was still a whole bunch of stuff that's not directly relational to Buck and to his story, and the bigger plotlines for the show. That means, you can remove those scenes about her and not lose any of the threads of the show. And honestly, you could entirely remove every single one of her scenes for the entirety of 5a and...not lose much if anything important. The only thing I can think of that crosses over into the main plotlines are Buck thinking they are breaking up, and the Christmas gifts, which if they peppered in comments about a gf without showing her (like they did with Ali in season 2) and then had literally any random woman in 5x10 the story for Buck would be basically the same.

I have to say your crocodile comment made me think of 2x06 and the lizard that seemed to have a thing for her and it made me giggle! I also hope that their obsession with her is over now that Maddie and Chim (and baby Jee!) and Albert are all back. And after the way even the general audience has been frothing at the mouth to see her leave, fingers crossed she won't ever come back.

Thanks for the ask, sorry it took so long to respond to, and you are always welcome to come flail or rant with me in my inbox!

[clownistyping]

A Witch & A Hick, Chp. 3

Little Secret

This chapter is just the two learning about each other and car problems lol.

Also warning for Elizabeth offering sex as payment lol, it doesn't happen. Also I do hc Lester living in a trailer bc its extremely common and realistic tbh.

Lester puts the truck in drive and looks at Elizabeth as he presses the brake, 

"I remember you said there's a town nearby, any chance we can go there to fix up my van?" Elizabeth asks as she pets the two dogs, 

"No need, they'll charge ya criminal prices. I can fix it." Criminal prices, he repeats in his head. 

"Oh come on, you've already done so much." Elizabeth says her face soft, 

"I insist! I can't just let them uh take ya money when I can fix it for free." He smiles and Elizabeth mirrors it. Lester gives from the brakes and drives towards his home, 

"I have a feeling there's something...more behind this." Lester gulps, 

"What made ya think that?" Lester nervously laughs and his hands tighten around the wheel, 

"That's how most men are, expect a favor for a favor. Though they often expect ya know." Lester blinks and cringes, 

"Aw that! I wasn't thinking anything like that, hell I wasn't even thinking about you doing anything." 

"I mean I'll do it." His eyes widen and he stops the truck again, 

"What?" He blushes and looks at the girl, 

"I'll get you off, I've done it before." 

"No no! I have to decline, I just ain't that kinda man." Lester nods to the woman who shrugs, he lied. He is that kinda man, he's had victims beg for safety with offers of sex. He always took it, but let's the girls fall back in the hands of his brothers. 

"Not that I don't find ya pretty!" He defends quickly and Elizabeth laughs, 

"You're real purdy, I just. I just can't." He sighs and Elizabeth notices how tense he is. 

"Thanks, for calling me pretty." She smiles, 

"I think you're real pretty too." She compliments Lester who blushes again, Lester has never talked to a stranger this long. Never had a girl call him pretty, never met her.

"Ya just sayin that cuz I'm given ya a ride." Lester chuckles and Elizabeth shakes her head, 

"Nope," she pops her P, 

"Everybody's beautiful in they're own way, just as nature intended." Lester blinks and remembers her van, the witchy collection in it. 

"Oh right, you're a witch!" Lester exclaims and Elizabeth nods, 

"How'd you know?" She teased and Lester laughs,

"How'd you even get in all that junk anyways?" Lester asks and flicks his hat, 

"It ain't junk. Don't be rude," Elizabeth smirks and Lester nods his head, Jonesey puts her head on Lester's lap. He pets the dogs head. 

"Sorry but, how did you ya know..start?" 

"My sister got me my tarot cards, she really showed me the basics of witchcraft. Our parents didn't really care all that much but never let us do it in the house. Guess that's why I moved out so early too." Elizabeth laughs, 

Lester pulls up towards a driveway of a trailer.

The trailer is a once white single wide, covered in vines and ivy. Bones hung from the porch ceiling, 

Elizabeth notices his front door was wide open, and in the yard were scatters of trash, car parts, bones and more. The windows were open but blinds were keeping the inside blocked. 

It looks like nobody lives there, as stray cats scurried under the trailer and hissed at each other.

"I'll be quick, I'll just unload your van and fix her right up in a jiffy." Lester smiles at the girl and gets out of the truck, Jonesey follows and Mac follows after her. 

Elizabeth smiles as she watches the two dogs sniff around and play, getting out of the truck her barefeet sink into the grass and dirt. She stretches, the truck wasn't entirely comfortable with Mac siting right on her. 

"Sorry for the mess, I don't really have guests." Lester says as he unhooks the van, 

"Its fine, I've seen much worse." 

"Nah, doubt it." Lester shakes his head and wipes his hands on his jeans, Elizabeth takes note of the depreciation joke he says. 

As Lester pops her hood and smoke rises from it, Elizabeth frowns. 

"That happened before?" Lester asks as he waves the smoke off, Elizabeth nods. 

"Yeah, I've had a couple engine problems. Mainly because of oil, but my light wasn't even on." 

"Yup, cars will do that. Just spring a problem on ya right as ya were doing fine." Lester grazes his hand over the engine and instantly finds the problem, 

"When's the last time ya changed the cooling fan?" 

"Never." 

"Cleaned it?" 

"Never." Lester sighs and Elizabeth frowns, 

"That bad?" He nods, 

"Your engine is busted, you're gonna need a new one." 

"Nooooo." Elizabeth groans

"Hey its okay, this happens all the time. It's just an accident." Lester tries to comfort the girl, she squats and hides in her knees. 

"Hey now," Lester gets on his knee and pats the girls back. 

"We can maybe order one from the next town over, but it'll take a while for it to come in since we're basically in the middle of no where." Lester then sits with the girl and he blinks when he hears a sob come from her. 

"Jeez darlin, it ain't anything to cry about." He says and Elizabeth looks up, her makeup more runny than before, 

"This is my karma! I know it is and- and I shouldn't be cryin-ing but-" she hides her face again and Lester stutters, 

"Aw no no, this ain't karma just an accident. Honest." 

He isn't entirely sure what else to do, seen plenty of girls cry in Ambrose. Ain't none of them cried like this. 

Crying about karma, hell if karma was real he'd be dead, he thinks and shakes his head. He gently pats the girls back as she sobs. The two dogs show up and sit around the two Mac places his head on the girls back. Pushing Lester's hand away, Elizabeth quickly hugs her dog.

After a couple minutes, her sobs stop and she looks up. 

"Im sorry Lester, I just. It's just been a lot today," she says and wipes her eyes, smudging her makeup. 

"Wanna talk about it?" Lester ask and Elizabeth looks around, noticing the sun is starting to set. 

"No, not right now. I'm just tired now, sorry for bothering you with my emotions and junk." 

"Ain't no bother at all, I'm happy to help." She shows a smile from his words as he stands, he puts his hand out and she takes it to stand. 

"I know, and thanks again. Do you think it's alright if my van stays the night? I'll try to go to another town in the morning and order an engine. I'll find a motel too." She says, trying to clean her face up from tears and makeup. 

Lester raises a brow, and Elizabeth shakes her head already knowing he'll offer his home. 

"Lester please you've already done so much for me! I promise that by tomorrow I'll be out of your hair." She says and Lester shakes his head, 

"Darlin, How about we both go into town order you an engine and when it gets here I can put it in. If you think I'm letting you sleep in that hot van for the night you're dead wrong." Lester stands up straight and crosses his arms, Elizabeth actually has to look up to see his face. 

"I've got a spare room, it's messy and mainly holds all my junk but it's got a bed, a desk and a closet." Lester says and Elizabeth takes a deep breathe, 

"Thank you," she says and Lester uncrosses his arms, 

"I mean it, without you I'd probably be kidnapped by some crazy guy. Unless you are the crazy guy." She jokes and Lester nervously laughs.

"I like to call myself unqiue." Lester jokes and Elizabeth laughs, 

"That you are friend, that you are." Elizabeth says and watches as the sun falls behind the trees.

After grabbing her needed things from the van, the two walk towards the trailer. 

The two walk onto the wooden porch, Elizabeth's hands grazing the bones hanging above, 

"Those are my people repellents, makes hikers skedaddle." Lester jokes and Elizabeth smiles, 

"They're beautiful," she compliments and Lester walks through the open door, 

"Yup, they sure are. I uh, I keep my door open so the strays can come in and relax and get away from the heat." He says and flicks on a light, it blinks a few times but turns on. 

The two are standing in the living room, the couches covered in fur and scratches. Clothes are all around and clean and unclean bones sit on the coffee table. 

But the recliner is free of fur, just a flannel on the back. 

Lester notices his playboy magazine on the coffee table and quickly snatches up the magazine, Rolling it up he laughs embarrassingly. 

"Sorry about that, again not often I get guests." Elizabeth smiles and shakes her head. From behind the two, Mac and Jonesey come running in. They jump on the couch and sit next to each other. 

"My house is there house." Lester pets Jonesy's head and smiles, putting the magazine behind the couch during this. He turns to face Elizabeth whose staring at the bones, 

"I'll show you to ya room," Lester walks to the right and opens a bedroom door, 

The bedroom filled with bones in boxes, books, clothes and random knick knacks. He quickly lifts boxes from the bed and pats the dust off. 

"My casa your casa." He smiles and Elizabeth places her stuff down, Lester stands in the doorway now. 

"Thanks again, Lester. I really appreciate it." Elizabeth puts her hand out and Lester looks down at it. It's so small, he gently grabs it and Elizabeth grabs one of the bracelets on her wrist. She brings it over her hand and onto his, 

"I can't not give you a gift." She says and lets him go, Lester looks down at the bracelet. A whole set of animal teeth with beads in between. 

"I- thank you. It's so purdy." He says and continues, 

"You're a real uh...what's it called?" 

"Freak?" He quickly shakes his head, and takes her hand again. Putting their wrists together with the bracelets, 

"Unique," he smiles, "You're a real unique girl." 

"Is it because I mess with bones and junk?" 

"Well that, and because you're real nice." Elizabeth smiles, 

"You're just as unique as me Lester." She says and the two look at each other for a second, wanting this conversation not to end but not sure how to continue. 

Suddenly from behind Lester, Mac barks. 

Elizabeth laughs, 

"It's past his bedtime, sorry he gets cranky when he's not in bed by this time." Lester let's the dog run past him and onto the bed, 

"Well, goodnight, um. Sleep tight?" 

"You too Lester." Elizabeth quietly shuts her door and Lester stares at the closed door. Jonesy whines from behind him, 

Lester turns to the dog and squats, he pets the dogs cheeks and smiles. 

"She'll be our little secret, right Jonesey?" The dog licks his face. 

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#19

Took 150 cause my mind would not stop thinking about it. I figure that's enough to feel something off it but not where I'm out of commission.

AFTERMATH

Took another 150 and I did that weird don't feel like I'm high thing. My throat has been burning from all the pills I swallow. My stomach is really not appreciating it. I didn't really eat yesterday either. It lowkey slipped my mind. Ig not eating plus constantly belching has cured my bloating for a bit. Very weird buut hey you know. es what it es. Aside from that no real symptoms. Just my stomach being fussy

NOTES/EMOTIONS

Yeah uh. Most definitely spiraling now. I'm taking them so often compared to the beginning when I thought I'd still be getting off them soon. I kinda see why? Money problems.. again

The place I interviewed for didn't call back afterall. I thought I had it in the bag but noope. I'm officially starting this work from home call shit soon. I need the money atp. My student loan shit is finally charging me as it's been 6 months since I've been in school. So that's 77 right there. Then my university finally got their shit together and changed the amount I owed to like 2k which is a lot better.. only thing is the most the most they'll allow you to stretch it out to is 12 months so I have to pay them 200 every month. Plus I was kinda counting on the rest of my birthday money to pay off this shit I borrowed on cashapp.

I like to borrow the junk on there when I know I'll be getting the money/have the money to pay it off soon after as they increase my borrow limit when I do that. I've gone from my max being like $20 to now I have a limit of... I believe 125? Not that I ever really need it but it's nice to know in a pinch I have 125 of "free" money that I have about a month to pay back. It's helped me out so many times. I was buying this mirror and I didn't realize my spotify subscription already renewed for the month so I didn't have enough on me to buy the mirror technically. BUTT I borrowed like $30 for it and the other bs I was getting, paid it off like 4 days later then boom more money available. It's been going good aside from two incidents.

I'm sure I wrote about it in my intro but basically I started balling out the week I thought I was gonna kill myself cause I figured it didn't really matter and I'm sure if they explained it to them they'd cancel the shit. And even if not, I mean it was like what... $100? It wouldn't be that big of a deal either way. But then I ended up staying so that was a thingg. I never thought I'd be there to that point so I fr didn't have the money to pay it like.. at all. I got lucky the like final final day it was due was 2 days after my birthday so with the birthday money I got I could pay it off. This time was kinda the same?

I bought this figurine I've been looking at for months now out of like.. I'm gonna get it anyway. I've been wanting it and talking about it since prolly like. December now. And I didn't have enough on my card but I thought that was fine cause I had like $150 in cash so I was just gon go to the bank and boom. Only to be a dumbass and buy shit the times I had to sit at the mall for my sister. Then I went to pride and spent the little bit I had left on food. I kinda thought my aunt would pay for me too as she invited me and like.. not THAT damn grown but nope. I ended up spending $70 on food alone and then the rest of it went to getting into this one club and these stickers I bought to support this group working to get better conditions in animal shelters and stop dogs from getting put down over small shit that's mostly on the owner. The stickers were $6 already which stung a ilttle but what really killed me is the damn club

Sigh. I won't get into specifics cause I've already been babbling and I still have a lot to say. Basically, my aunt let me smoke her weed with her but it was so so strong and 3 hours later I was still kinda gone. I wanted to go to sleep but the motel we (me, my aunt, and her bsf) were staying at for the night was hella shady and they didn't want to leave me there on my own. So they sent me in the gas station to buy an energy drink and I was just to.. keep it pushing so they could go to the club. But since I'm a "minor" I got charged $10 extra. I'm 19 so I'm assuming they just call anyone that can't drink a minor? But that was already bad enough. I paid $30 in this short amount of time but I'm just like alr. Never been to a club before maybe it'll be worth it? No.

They literally went to the bathroom and I wasn't allowed to be alone so I had to shuffle around with them the whole time when I didn't even have to pee. But after standing in line and getting situated for like 20 mins we grouped up and shimmied our way through the crowd only for them to decide it was wack then we went to the outside part and just sat there pretty much alone. It was so fucking annoying. I'm not a huge partier my damn self but they were entirely too focused on fitting in. I'll admit that yeah, we did stick out alot. There were mostly hispanic ppl there and the music they were playing was in spanish and shit but at the same point? Why not make our own fun it woulda been 10x better than just sitting in the back and striking up 5 min convos with randoms. I wanted to go back in but atp.. I knew they'd say no to me going in on my own and I didn't wanna force them to be in an uncomfortable situation for my sake.

But yeah overall. $100 in food and stupid shit. I wasn't expecting to spend like absolutely nothing but I wasn't planning for that all to be gone either. Losing that money kinda screwed me. I really don't have any money like... at all. I have about $11 on my card and $14 in loose cash.. and I have to come up with $300 by next weekish. I have to pay back the money I borrowed for the figurine and I have to pay my 200 for my university debt. I really don't want to talk to my parents about it. I know they're gonna be mad and tbh I can't blame them. I should've saved some of it and I shouldn't be planning my money that hard that one event can royally screw me like that. That $200 they're supposed to give me is one thing. I wasn't expecting to not have that and I wasn't expecting my uni to want $200 a month at minimum. But the $125 I owe? Entirely on me and I just... I don't want them to rub it in rn

Uh money shit and my best friend lately. I dunno. I feel like she's a whole different person nowadays. And the more I think on our talk before the more I'm losing my feelings. Or that's what I think it is.

I've always had a problem with feeling abandoned and ever since my childhood. Dad and step mom used to be in their room 24/7. We'd do big stuff together and everything and that was nice and all but when it came to just spending time with us?? Almost never. We used to beg them to play with us all the time and they'd say yeah and just forget. Everytime. They rarely just played with us just cause. We had to beg and bother them so much for it. They always had to have some big ass event and all this special shit to care to spend time with us and it's just.. we just wanted to spend time with yall.

My mom mom wasn't much better tbh. She didn't really talk to me unless she was telling me what chores or basic, basic shit. Back when I was doing the two years on two years off thing, she actually never called either. I kinda forgot she was my mom at times. I used to be alone a lot too. When I lived with her, she had to work during the day but when she got back she would just go off and do her on thing. Even on her days off tbr. I'd be alone all the time. I used to try to ask her to play with me too but oftentimes I was on my own anyway

All that shit just made me hypersensitive to abandonment. I grew to hate that they could just withhold their love and affection until they felt like it. And when they did half the time it was some big giant thing. It made me feel like they were doing it more for the act of doing it than being with us you know?

I never want to have that again. I never want to be in a position to beg someone to give me attention. To love me. I'm just tired of doing it.

R is kind of putting me in that position nowadays. We don't talk as much, we don't "hang out" (I mean we're in completely diff states so not exactly exactly hanging out), we just occasionally joke around and parrot out the same old same old. I've talked to her about how much it bothers me on multiple occasions and she hasn't changed things at all. It just makes me feel so stupid. All this time I thought possibly we had the same feelings for each other but it must've meant literally nothing to her. She said that she would treat her girlfriend "like she treated me" which has been eating me up. She knows what she's doing atp and she's too busy kekeing with her girl to care.

I'm just completely done. I've spoken my piece and things haven't changed. I refuse to let anyone dangle their love over my head whenever they feel like it. Including her. I'm tired of always having this happen and I'm done trying to improve our relationship. You can't just cast me to the side as you please and expect to come back to the same closeness. You're just blatantly telling me you don't care. I don't ask for much. I just want to spend some time with her time to time whether it's playing a game together, having actual conversations instead of the constantly on 10 hehe haha bs, or the occasional call just to catch up. But nah. I see how it is atp

I'm just ready her to snap out her trance cause atp it's ridiculous and I don't get how she doesn't see it. Her girlfriend gets so possessive and insecure to the point where she really can't maintain any friendships period. I swear she wants R to give her attention 25/7 and whenever she doesn't get it she's worried that she likes them better.

God I'm just. I can't talk about this anymore. One one hand her girlfriend is so fucking manipulative and R shouldn't feel this much pressure to keep a tunnel vision on her. Or give up on everything she likes to do to appease her. Or feel such a fucking rush to get through all the relationship milestones all in one go. But on the other hand, R isn't blameless either. She knows how much this affects me and she promised that she would never let her girlfriend get in between us but now look at us. You've ignored everything I said to appease your partner. I don't need your attention all the damn time but I wish you would stop treating me as the aftrthought. I shouldn't have to beg to hang out with my friend. That's all I'm asking. I want you to actually want to fucking talk to me instead of doing it cause you're used to it. Cause you said you would. You don't care about how distant we've gotten cause for you you can just get it from your girl right? You don't care about how it makes me feel. You're all about your partner and I just have to accept whatever breadcrumbs of shallow conversation you decide to throw me. And I'm supposed to stay the same towards you or it hurts your feelings..?

lol. when you don't tend to your friendships we grow apart. Don't get mad about that. Why do you always get jealous aand worried about me replacing you when thats literally what you did to me? Am I meant to be eagerly waiting for you when I have friends that genuinely care to keep in touch? And even the ones that only occasionally talk to me, we at least don't pretend that we're close. We catch up, chill for a little while, and gon about our day.

I'm just. imm done talking about this. its never fully satisfying. i astill have so much to say but. at the end of the day. just. done. im crying atp and i just want more pills

[blueysbookshelf]

2022 Book 28: Follow by Tessa Bailey - ⭐⭐⭐⭐

He wants her soul. Too bad she already sold it.

Family is everything to gambling den darling, Teresa Valentini. Blood comes first, especially before men. So when her brother lands himself in hot water, she's willing to do whatever it takes to save him. And showing up topless in her unwitting savior's motel room is turning out to be the furthest thing from a hardship... Will Caruso is the bad boy of New York's financial scene...and he just found out the very thing that drives his success is a damn lie. Now, he's exchanged his high-stress life for the open road, no one but his Great Dane...and half a million Instagram followers to keep him company. When a mysterious beauty arrives, her secrecy prods his suspicions, even while she tempts his lust to the breaking point. Teresa met Will under false pretenses, but the bond consuming them is real. They're strong enough to overcome a little betrayal...aren't they?

My Thoughts:

So...I read this book because I needed something quick (it's only 192 pages) and something that could be considered pure smut to fulfill a Book Bingo challenge. This fit the bill. But, there was a little bit of plot with the smut and the plot was actually really good, though it could have been better. There were a few plot holes and I don't feel like we spent enough time with Resa's brother to really establish WHY she was so desperate to save him, or why she cared about him. Honestly, from the way he was written I was so frustrated with his entitlement that if it had been me I'd have ridden off into the sunset with Will and the dog and forgotten all about my twatty little brother...But, Resa didn't.

I did really like Will, and the way he went with the flow and tried to take care of Resa without being overbearing and listen...the man and his dog was just adorable. I'm not going to reread it...but I'm not mad I did.

[i-found-your-shoe]

Where My Demons Hide - Part 2

[Sam Winchester, Reader, Dean Winchester; Eventual Sam x Reader]

Your sobs were muffled as you buried your head deep into Sam's heavy flannel shirt. He wrapped his arms around you and held you as you shook, patiently waiting for you to calm down. It took about 10 minutes, but you were finally able to catch your breath.

“I'm sorry.” you whispered, laying a hand on a particularly wet spot on his chest. “I fell asleep waiting on you. I - all I could see were the flames.”

Sam raised a calloused hand and gently wiped the tears from your face with his thumb. “It's alright. I heard you scream through the wall. Thought I'd better check on you.”

You furrowed your brow. “Thanks. I guess.. I feel like a terrible daughter. I thought my father was losing it. I - I never believed him… Never believed that something bad was going to happen.”

“Look, (y/n), it's… Normal. If this, hunting, wasn't my life, I wouldn't believe it either. I wouldn't believe that demons walked the earth. Or angels. Or monsters. You're not a bad daughter.” Sam got to his knees and rested himself on his heels. “You gonna stay under there all night or do you need help up?”

You smiled sheepishly and bit your lip. “I need help up.”

Sam got to his feet and reached out. You took his hand, still slightly damp from wiping your face, and let him pull you to your feet.

“There's a bar down the road. You wanna get a drink with me?” you paused. “Oh,I'm - I don't mean to be rude. You're probably exhausted.”

“I could use a drink.” There was that grin again. It was small. Barely there. Shy. But it crinkled his bright hazel eyes in just the right places.

Sam told Dean you were borrowing the car and let you give directions as the Impala ambled out of the parking lot. Once inside the bar, you had five hours until last call and you were determined to use them well.

Sam impressed you with the fact that he had been going to school to be a lawyer, as you both sipped your Jack Daniels slowly. You could see the disappointment in himself hiding behind his eyes when he revealed he had dropped out.

“Don't worry. I almost dropped out of Oxford.” you shrugged, draining your glass and holding it up to signal a need for a refill. “Stanford was lucky to have you while you were there.”

“I can't believe you went to Oxford. That's amazing. Really impressive.”

“Stanford is impressive, as well.”

The grin and chuckle. God, it made your knees weak. “I think Oxford is a little more impressive, (y/n).”

“Probably.” You winked at Sam as the bartender filled your glass. “I was actually aiming for a PhD in physics. But we see how that turned out.”

Sam motioned for a refill. His cheeks were a nice shade of pink, courtesy of Jack. “God, smart and hot. I'm impressed.”

You chatted for hours, the bar tab rising steadily with the minutes. Finally, you checked your watch. “Fucking hell. It's almost 2. We should be going.” you slid over your bank card and swiftly signed the receipt.

Sam stood and wobbled, holding onto the chair for balance. “I….cannot drive.”

“Let's walk.” you giggled. “we'll grab the car in the morning.” Sam waited while you let the bartender know that the Impala would be picked up first thing. He offered to call a cab, but you denied it, saying you were less than a mile away from your destination. Slowly making your way back to Sam, you took his arm. “Let's go, cowboy.” and the two of you swayed out the door, using each other for balance.

When you finally made it back to the motel, you paused at the door. “This may be incredibly forward of me.. And I promise no funny business… But -” you paused, your head suddenly swimming with more than the whiskey. Adrenaline and nervousness clawed behind your eyes and in your stomach. “I don't want to be alone while I sleep. I don't want -” you didn't finish your sentence but Sam understood, even in his inebriated state. You didn't want the nightmare to come back.

He silently followed you into your room and waited as you sat your key down on the night stand. Your room was a bit smaller than theirs. No couch, and only one bed. On the plus side, it was a king. On the minus side, you hadn't shared a bed with anyone in a long time.

“Um.. I'm gonna get changed.. You…. Make yourself comfortable.”

You eyeballed your suitcase. You weren't even sure what was packed in there and you were nervous to check. Finally, you gathered enough nerve to barely unzip the bag halfway and pull out the first shirt you saw. With eyes to the floor, anxiety rising in your chest, you made your way to the bathroom. When you returned to the room, you noticed Sam had discarded his jeans, shoes, and shirt and curled up under the blanket. Slowly, you crawled into the bed on the opposite side, and made yourself as comfortable as you could. It wasn't long before your eyes began to feel heavy and hot succumbed to a, hopefully, dreamless sleep.

You were awoken the next morning to your door opening and a deep voice saying “Well. Okay, then.”

Your side felt heavy and your nose was filled with an unrecognizable, but comforting, scent. You peeked out of one eye and came face to face with a chest - and a very interesting tattoo. You slowly began to realize that you had curled up against Sam in the middle of the night and he had wrapped an arm around you.

“I got coffee in the pot and a lead whenever you lovebirds are ready.” Dean stated as he left the room.

You sat up quickly and Sam rubbed his eyes. “I'm sorry. I've been told I'm a heat-seeking missile.” your cheeks burned red as he dragged his arm from around your waist.

Sam rubbed your arm, attempting to comfort you in your obviously embarrassed state. “As long as you slept well.”

“Yeah. I did.” You groaned as you stretched. “Fuck. I need coffee. With a touch of the hair of the dog that bit me.”

“I got you. Get changed and meet me next door. Dean can make motel coffee taste like actual coffee.”

You nodded and got out of bed, trying to pull your shirt down so you didn't expose your ass. If you did, and if he noticed, he said nothing.

You finally made your way over, after reaching blindly into your suitcase and finding a pair of yoga shorts, and rapped your knuckles against the door. Dean opened the door a crack and whispered, “you didn't use the secret knock.”

“I didn't know there was -” you blushed again.

“I'm messing with you, sweetheart.” he laughed as he opened the door and ushered you in.

“Sorry. I think I'm still a tad bit drunk.”

Sam raised his hand from his position on the bed. He was laying back with his legs over the edge and his other arm draped over his eyes. “I - I am still drunk.”

“Here. This’ll help.” Dean handed you a coffee mug and the sharp aroma of Jack Daniels smacked you in the face.

“Is there coffee in this?” you asked, staring at the mug.

“Eh.. A little.” Dean chuckled as he looked at your shirt. It was emblazoned with Princess Leia’s face and the words ‘A Woman's Place is in the Resistance.’ “Nice shirt.”

“What can I say? I'm kind of a feminist.” you shrugged, taking a long drink of coffee. “Oh, yes. That's what I needed.”

“Pfft, feminist, my ass.”

“Anything you can do, I can do better. And if not better, at least backwards and in heels.” You sat down on the bed next to Sam, and you must have jostled him because he placed his free hand on his stomach. “Sorry,” you muttered, but he waved you off, letting out a slow, deep breath and sitting up as well.

“Not hunting, sweetheart. Nobody hunts better than me.” Dean raised his eyebrow as he handed Sam a cup of coffee.

“What if you taught me?” you asked, eyes widening as Dean choked in his own coffee.

“I vaguely remember us talking about that last night. Didn't think it would be brought up first thing in the morning, though.” Sam groaned, taking a drink of his coffee.

“Listen, sweetheart. This job takes a lot more than just a pretty face. It's tough -” Dean interjected.

“I'm tough. Don't let the pretty face fool you, Angsty McBroodyArse, I'm more than meets the eye. I'm smart. I'm a quick learner. I'm a damn good shot. I studied Krav Maga for 12 years.” you glared at Dean and Sam raised an eyebrow. “The only shoes I own now are the combat boots I was wearing last night. You might not get me in flannel, but I look damn good in leather. And I live on four basic food groups; coffee, whiskey, bacon, and cheeseburgers.”

“I don't know what kind of pretty picture Sammy painted last night, but it ain't all sunshine, roses, and hookers. You give up a lot to lead a life like ours.”

“Please explain to me what I have left to give up. My only family is gone. My house is gone. I haven't had a job, friends, or a relationship in 4 years. I have nothing to lose. I'd go back to England, but I'm sure I need to remain stateside until I can get bank documents and insurance forms squared away. I have nothing but time and money, Dean.”

“Yeah, come on, Dean. What's the harm?” Sam asked, glancing at you sideways.

“Three months. Give me three months, Dean. That should be long enough for me to get down the basics, as well as some in-field experience. Plus getting my assets in order. If it's not working out in 90 days, I will go without a fight.”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Fine. Three months. 90 days. Sammy, she's your problem, not mine. I don't teach.”

You squealed and jumped up to hug Dean. “Oh, bad idea.” you moaned, letting go of him to grab your head. You had stood up too fast and made your still-drunk self dizzy. You waited for the feeling to pass, and when it did, you opened your eyes and grinned at the boys like an idiot. “So, you said you had a lead?”

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Y'all getting tortured too..I lost it. I couldn't handle it

I got germ x on a cotton round and started washing my face.

I got more body parts to literally scrub

After my grandpa died of cancer -- well. Denise killed him but they said it was the cancer...

I took a shower and scrubbed my body every day. I got a new toothbrush weekly.

I used a scouring pad from the kitchen and I didn't ever turn the cold water knob but just a tiny stream.

The water was all the way on full blast hot.

I scoured my skin off.

My Uncle Dad took me to the hospital when he finally came home from the ship. It finally docked.

Doctor asked had I burned myself. "No I just took shower and it just didn't feel clean.. It never feels clean"

"How hot is the shower?"

"Oh will the way hot. I turn the cold on slightly about midway to do the final rinse"

"How long do you shower for and how many times do you perform a "rinse"?"

"Well the shower stays on... I'd say 3 - 4 times when it's all the way hot then at least twice, so about 6.. Sometimes 10.. 12... 45 one day"

I heard my uncle dad sob from the corner. I looked st him perplexed. Cause I was doing right. I was keeping the germs off me.

"I just gotta stay clean dad" as he raised his head he sucked in air through his nose. And i saw a man in misery and guilt

"I'm so sorry sorry i thought you could handle the cancer. I thought you'd be okay and i just had ti fo to work but she...."

"I can handle the cancer dad. I just gotta stay clean and keep the germs off of me"

"What kind of products do you use. SOS pads... Denise doesn't buy a lot of Shampoo so i try to keep,that for my hair... So I'll use dish soap or sometimes even laundry. Bleach is good but she doesn't buy that one slot either. I don't like the amoniea. The smell bothers me but I had to use it 3 or 4 times because I didn't have anything else but that was when i found the SOS pads under the sink. Lo and behold they have soap in them already. So, i quiet using extra except when i wash my face with them. Soften the skin up a little bit more than so I don't get wrinkles"

I looked dead into his eyes and told something I didn't tell any other adult about what i did. I told my friends... But not in a way that it was me. "You know someone i heard of was...." Not I did this. But someone did.

My dad according to my DNA4U although there's,a story about that...

He was in the corner crying the whole time I was talking. "No she needs help. I need help for her."

The doctor said they had received a phone call he thought it was from the FBI. But he looked at his notepad and said "Nope the CIA."

"I just have to keep the germs off me tell them that. They need to, too"

"I'm calling them Billy don't you worry"

"Yeah" he said into the phone "i got a situation here. I'm gonna need you to come in and take her. ... Mental ward"

Son of a bitch. I attacked him. I wasn't crazy. I needed to be germ free.

I grabbed the phone "WHAT I NEED IS TO BE CLEAN AND YOU DO TOO GODDAM THE WHOLE WORLD"

And i beat that poor doctor in the head and back wirh that phone until it fell apart and nothing was left.

"And that's how I kill germs" I told his dead body.

Mental institution?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? THE GERM INFESTATIONS I WOULD DIE IMMEDIATELY JUST BREATHING THE AIR!!! NO WAY IN HELL!!! GOD FUCKING NO!!!

My dad just sat there as i beat the doctor to death m his eyes and jaw open as wide as can be.

"You understand right? I'm not here to hurt you but This place it's so dirty but i came here with you. Because i trust you to keep me safe. But he wouldn't. Not. The dirtiest place in the world he would send me to and i just can't have that. I'll push the panic button to get you some help that you need"

It was right by the door. So these big ass mother fucking dudes came me in started grabbing me to hold me down and strap me to the bed. Big mother fuckers HUGE. Body builders and shit. "ARE YOU GERM FREE!! DONT GET A HOLD OF ME!! LET ME GO. GODDAMINIT!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I killed all 3. "Now i gotta wash my hands and arms. They fucking touched my face and every thing. Stuck thier fingers in my mouth and all. I need to,start with bleach. Can you get me some?"

My dad was in shock.

"Maybe later. I'll ask you again when your nervous system calms down" I washed my face and elbows.

It was 1992 Christmas was a few weeks away. My lie age I was 12. My real age I was only 8.

Finally the CIA came in "are you here to help or force me to wash my hands again?"

He put his arms up as he walked by me and sat next to my dad "well i know Gaberiel and Calvin can help. Gaberial goes to school with her and he said she looks alright but seems to be in a trance like state most of the time. But they will know what to do. Do not worry. Sabrina you cannot keep killing doctors like that"

"I'm not going!! The backwoods motel where they put the strange and i tell you none of them know how to,wash their hands!!"

"You look like a witch!!"

"At least im a clean one fuck y'all shit"

This whole team of huge CIA dudes... They all washed their hands no less than 3 minutes up their elbows for an additional two while I watched.

This big one said "she's not alright you know that. I never washed my hands this much in my life"

I warned him i would kill him if he didn't get off the team "oh no it's refreshing I don't have a problem. My face too here i come"

When he lifted his face he saw mine. "There's nothing wrong with me sir. This world is unclean"

"That's that transelike state. Her voice gets hollow and the carries. Did she kill the others like that Bill?"

"No I didn't. He made me upset while i waited for th3 help I supposed to be needing. Like no one knows,l they can poison me any second"

I knew but i didn't know Denise injected medicine into my grandpa's vein.

I COULDN'T handle this guy at the sink. He wanted to teach me like he could do it better. Like i had something wrong with me. And he didnt like it"

"Out. Just get the fuck out of here. I'll give you a chance to live."

I ended up killing the whole line of people but this one little yellow Asian man.

He was surrounded by dead bodies. 5. They took the 3 guard nurses and the doctor out already.

"Do i wash my hands now? Is it my turn?"

"SIR!!" i said pissed off. I looked around me. My poor dad "well what do you think about your surroundings?"

"You look good. Able to kill real easily. Looks like I need some more training. But I'm just here to wash my hands as i was told to"

He told me the times he needed to wash.

"Well no one else is in line so I suppose that yes it's your turn now"

I laid down on the little check up table bed and fell to sleep. I was exhausted. Killed 9 people. Because they were aliens. And i would let someone live. 3 people in total. Out of 12..

It could be a good day after all, as long as i didn't go to Baywood Inn Acres.. I'd been there before. I escaped and let all the mental patients out. Well maybe if i went I could do that again I thought as I drifted off to sleep. I could still do it. I'd killed 9 today in just seconds.. I could let the rest escape.

Snoop put me on time restrictions. I bit him. I kicked him. I punched him in the stomach. He would walk in with a shield from SWAT to tell me to stop washing at the sink.

It was all scuffed up and I had to clean it. Germs get in them scratches and cracks...

Before he knew it it was all soaped up and If he exposed, his face he would get soaped too. Bar of soap.

Oh boy he was pissed off at me. "You need to kill the right people!!" Him and Alex Laughlin both said

"Then let me use the soap for as long as I want to"

I was a horrror show star. Like a doll. Like poltergeist. There's that doll that turns it's head all creepy. My eyes be glassy I walked around like I was dead.

I was. I was so dead inside. I KNEW my grandpa would die for no fucking reason. I knew and there wss nothing I could do to save that Old man!!!!

And i KNEW i was going get cancer, too!!!

Just wash it all off. Wash it down the drain.,that is I what i would say.

This video to some. But I used to do that.

2 years later I did get cancer in my throat just like I knew I would. I wrote about it.

So I handle death a lot better. Losing one. Germs.

If I know a person doesn't wash their hands and their hands are warm. I freak the fuck out.

"Don't fucking touch me" and I get filled with violent rage.

Some people think it's cool to make fun of me. A violent assassin. To this date with my bare hands no magic included in the last 35 years I've killed 22,489,601,427 people.

So y'all need to learn to wash your mother fucking hands. 35 seconds i recommend.

CDC says it's good in 20... Don't underestimate the power of germs. Scrub faster and go for long term use of that soap you just squirted on you. Go up to the elbows!

Eventually I got okay. To be okay I had to kill people. 862 thousand.

All aliens in stolen bodies. Then i was okay again.

But until then i would sleep walk to the sink wash,me up then hit the streets in a trance.

So they got a kid to live with me... Anton. From Queer Eye... Him...

"No what are you gonna do? He's got germs on him and he's our only kid!" Alex would bark at me.

"Then you kill him" i would tell him. He never did.

So i posted a video earlier. Poor child. "Wash your hands" "wash your hands!" In the video I shared that he shared. Poor child, "Now you gotta wash both hands although only one is dirty. The other might get jealous. Up to your elbows if you want to but definitely up to your wrists"

He played in the dirt a lot. If he didn't Snoop would pour it on him. "Now what are you gonna do?!?"

I smelled him make sure the cat didn't piss on it

Man Snoop did a hard fight. "Its fucking dirt snoop shut the fuck up!!:

I let that boy teach me about dirt. Is it clean? Does it feel fresh? Or smell bad?"

I let him choose whether to wash or not.

Somethings he HAD to wash after touching "raw meat" we had a list of things that could harm us if it was left on our hands.

I had to wash after uncooked hot dogs. Had to. Kid goddam creeped me out because he didn't

I'd just look at him like he was a leeper to give me leprosy from an uncooked hot dog.

"CHILL OUT!!!"

"Uh anuh he touched a raw hot dog and he didn't wash. Uncooked meat!! Its on there check the goddam list in a hurry" he was like a monster under my bed.

"It says raw meats baby."

"Uncooked is raw"

That little boy. Sweet precious angel he is. He said "i didn't agree because i wanted to go out side and play but now I see i take the hot dog containments into the dirt if I don't wash. So i would like to wash please"

I earned a kiss from Alex who was going by Gaberiel. At the time.

It shocked me with surprise. I did something right for the first time in weeks i wasn't yelled at by an adult. I put my head down on the arm of the chair and wept and wailed and cried.

I spent so much time fighting with who was supposed to be my friends. That it made me calm and feel normal. Ever since that day my grandpa died. I had so much built in my chest like a wall. Filled my body so.

Snoop finally understood under all that muscle mass and need to assassinate... I was still there.

"Lets go get some ice cream it's on the list for,being,human and you get sprinkles for crying."

"Lets go ma then I wanna play in the dirt.

I wasn't sure i could leave the house. I felt really wobbly... To go outside and not kill... It was dangerous. I tried to go back in like 14 times. But Alex kept stopping me. Or snoop or the baby Antony.

"Took us 15 minutes to go get us a dam treat,jist from the door to the car. When we go killing shes flying down the steps and first one to the car. Ain't no one gonna know what's wrong with her! Ain't no one!"

"I do! You just need to wash your hands! Wash Your hands!!" I had a sweet little boy next to me... I looked out the window of that white Cadillac and I sure did hope i could figure out how to,keep the world safe. They played and teased and made,him laugh.,all every one,in the car laughing with joy.

I just wanted to open the car door, jump out and die.

Later I finally told. Some movie reminded me of my grandpa... The only one I ever had. The one that allowed me to kill Denise. A prison guard.

"He died from something out side of him. Not inside out side. I can't handle it. It went down his arm.. Pink. It was something pink"

Snoop on his knees. "What was it poision?"

"Watch. Into here down this way to his pinkie then back up and then down around his heart and through his legs and up the other side and to his brain then he could smell the medicine cold cough syrup. And she kept doing it until the full bottle was,in,his body. It didn't work tho. The next day and the next. 3 more,days than,that. Then he was,dead. 2 bottles each day. Of cold medicine to kill tiny germs"

Alex's face,was,in terrified horror. Snoop still as a statue.

"Where do they live at?" Asked snoop.

"Texas. Redway lane"

"That is where you live at".

"That is what i am telling you. And i was in Texas and i didn't go to Arizona"

Snoop began to throw up in his hand and,ran,from the room.

Alex and Anthony looked at me all "why did you have to tell the truth?!"

"I'm trying to watch the movie here!!" Said Anthony "and tomorrow I wanna play in dirt"

"That's ok baby That's what you can do with Uncle Snoop. We'll be quiet now so you can watch the movie."

If you don't get germs on you. You don't get sick. Then you don't get murdered.

Stay Clean.

Corona. I'm telling you. It ain't no different.

Except I was told something worse than eating Vicks Vapo Rub would happen to me from Denise.

I had to kill 981,602,375 people like Denise until I felt satisfied the world was safer.

Until I could breathe again.

I felt my grandpa die. I was with him. I felt his whole body. When his left lung collapsed...

And he was begging "no Denise don't do it. It won't make me better. No Denise I don't want none. Dont put it in my IV. I don't have no cough or cold. I have cancer and I'm going to beat it"

And that Old man died. And I tried so hard. To keep his body alive. Just stay with him.

And his body was so riddled with cancer. He couldn't take being filled with the thick cough syrup.

After a million kills. Grandpa said I could stop the world would get better then. "If I do two more grandpa then it would get allot better"

We killed 6 million predators. By hand. We picked them from prisons.

Death Row and life sentences. They could die early if they wanted. They understood they would die. They signed contracts. And we filled them in gas chambers. And filled the air with a non toxic cough syrup smelling gas that made them relax. Laughing gas. Then we used rat poision gas. Until they died. We had some other gases too. I didnt care.

We did right by our promise and they choked end coughed choked on a white foam frothing from,their mouths. And,died.. And we watched them through a little window with gas masks on our faces.

"You know you could used a little more nitrous" would say Alex

"Only half choke to death. Most of them lay down peacefully to die."

Oddly white men were more often to fight Than the black man.

"Either the black men are innocent or they know,what to do in a poison situation"

One man. Black. Should been,dead. But he was crawling around checking on,the others. In pain he was.

I ran,from the control booth. Dodging people trying to stop me. I swung open the door against policy. Grabbed him up under his shoulders "why did you sign the paper if you didn't have any thing to do with the crime?$?!" I yelled through my gas mask

"All these are all dead i want to,know why I'm not!!: he was crying he was scared. "I didn't sign the paper because i wanted the hell out. I knew if i died I would go to Heaven!: he was sobbing. In a gas chamber. Filled with poison.

Alex held up a gas mask in,the Window I pointed my head towards my direction.

And I held the black man while he was on his knees in a room full of gas. Alex put the gas mask to protect from,gas on his face.

"Lets go you got to get out. You only have half a,mask"

"I can't"

"You got to,get out now"

He chose his fate. No one else. He would tell me when he was ready to live and i would hold him on his knees until he did. I just stared into Alex's eyes. While he said over and over "you got to, get out" like in case i forgot.

"I wanna get out! Can you help me??" I reached down and grabbed him by his waist. Hoisted him up to my hip and carried him out like a toddler. A nice grown man.

This poor man was a mess.

No one mentioned i was covered in cyanide. For 3 hours until when my skin began to itch "you need,to shower"

"When you finally get covered in killer germs you don't care Because you found someone more important, more desperate. Someone more in a bad situation.,then you don't even notice"

"You trained me not to. Could I at least get an SOS pads for my bath?"

Every one wore a gas mask around me. Even the kid. For three days Anthony did.

"Snoop said you can't go in his car covered in,gas,like,that so we got a rental car"

"You gonna drive in that gas mask?"

"Yeah. Sounds fun. We have to roll down the Windows for you to breathe. I know downtown LA but... And also we got you w hotel. You are covered in cyanide!! No on wants you home. But i do"

I think... It was the first time in my life any one ever gave me a bath while wearing a gas mask.

We had to,change,3 hotel rooms. So i wouldn't pollute the place up.

"See? You yelled at me and you're all jist as bad,and,won't even let,me,see my kid"

"Yeah well you trained us to be extra careful. More cautious than sorry"

Gaberiel. Alex Laughlin slept in bed next to me. In a gas,mask.

Sometimes I couldn't sleep. Thinkin about that man and my grandpa.

And I'd look down at the man next,to me. Pased out. Looking like an innocent kid himself.

I adored him. I felt so much love that a person would be in,danger for me. I shook his gas,mask gently

"What you woke me up what do you want? It was on purpose, too"

"Do you think that man knowed i cared? That I might love someone other than myself?"

"We treat you as though you are selfish because you sre using self harm and you don't understand it. No one is supposed to gargle with bleach? What If you swallowed it?"

"It burns my nostrils any way"

"That's not the point but baby doll. You could kill yourself and we wouldn't have you no more. That is,the point.,that is why we called you selfish. Your addiction to cleanliness could,kill you snd no one,wants that to happen. But look what you do. Go,in a gas,chamber FULL of gas with only a half mask on. You're lucky you don't go blind. But look st it this way. We pushed too hard and in the wrong way and you did drink bleach on purpose in desperation to be clean. It was undiluted, too. I know. I watched you. And you Didjt say anything. Just smiled and said "i feel" i wanted to,slap you then for not listening. But when you pushed me back so you could leave,tje room through the door i was blocking. You didnt act like nothing happened. You felt like nothing happened. And I realized we were doing something wrong then two,weeks later you tell us why it was so,important to be kept clean and germs off of you. And i wanted to die for the way snoop and I had been mistreating you. And that is why I started the gas chambers of criminals to honor Yoir grandpa for working at the prison to keep,them in line. End,it for your grandpa and avenge his death with revenge. It would be what healed you both. And next time call the police when someone is being poisoned."

"She did it when i,was asleep. I would fall asleep all kinds of times of days to be with him. I promised when i was a young kid that i wouldn't let him die alone. Not by her. And when i woke up I was too groggy to remember what was going on. I thought it was a dream a bad one i hoped it wasn't real but it was and i can't get over this feeling this fear.. That had me at constant companion"

"What does that mean my love?"

"Evil. My grandpa said"

So y'all in,this world of 2020

Keep,calm.

It is,gonna be okay.

[ecotone99]

[HR] Christian ghost story featuring addiction. I'd love some feedback!

He’d found out his wife was cheating on him when he started having symptoms of HIV. She’d blamed him, of course, systematically attacking all his weaknesses and deepest fears as intimately as only a wife of twenty years could. He’d heard it all before, though, and had finally had enough. He told her she’d never see another penny from him to fund her alcoholism, and she left within an hour, destination: God knows where.

He had welcomed the silence of the empty house, his mind beginning to heal even as his body began to be sick. He settled into a routine that didn’t involve constant emotional abuse, and felt his breath come back. He marveled at how effortless it was to have pleasant conversations with his friends and family as he rekindled those ties; she’d kept him away from them for so long, he was starting to think he was only capable of fighting with others.

She called him drunk on their anniversary, trying to guilt him into a date. He found this unbelievable, and told her so. They had the divorce conversation. He didn’t hear from her again.

The next time he heard news of her, it came in the form of two somber police officers knocking on his door one Saturday afternoon. She’d gotten so drunk she’d passed out, aspirated, and died in some motel room. The police told him to get her bank accounts sorted out right away, because whoever had been with her and called 911 had also stolen her wallet.

That night, the footsteps started.

He was laying in bed, trying in vain to sleep, when he heard footsteps pacing in the living room. The dog, Edie, went to the bedroom door and started wagging her tail.

He got his handgun out of the bedside table in case he needed to defend his life, put his password into his phone so that he could quickly call emergency services, and opened his bedroom door. There was no one there. He searched the house, even looking in closets. No one. He double checked, and all his doors and windows were locked. While he was in his guest bedroom, he heard footsteps in the living room again. He walked to the hallway, his heart pounding, but as soon as he entered the room, the footsteps ceased.

“Hello?” He called.

No response.

He didn’t think he believed in ghosts, but he had heard the footsteps, and even felt their vibrations in the floor.

“Francine?” He haltingly called his wife’s name, flustered.

The lights flickered, as though there was a momentary power outage. He couldn’t decide if that was relevant, but he was spooked enough to take notice.

He retreated to the master bedroom and retrieved his Bible for comfort. Didn’t the Bible help with ghosts, or something? Maybe that was demons. So far, it was the only plan he had, so he just went with it.

As he read his favorite passages, he began to calm down. There were no further disturbances.

The next day, when he came home from work, he was startled to find the end table next to the couch tipped over onto the floor, the lamp that had been on it broken. The dog was outside, and he couldn’t think of a logical explanation. He searched the house again.

He went to the hardware store and got new locks, replacing them that very evening. He had no idea who might break into his home and do such weird things, but considering his wife had possessed a key and kept awful company, anyone might have access to his home.

That night he heard the footsteps again, and finally decided he was being haunted. It could only be his wife. But why hadn’t she gone on to the afterlife? Was she afraid she’d go to hell? He had to admit, with her alcoholic antics the last five years, hell was a real possibility.

He tried to sleep, but suddenly the head board of the bed started clonking repeatedly into the wall.

Something must be done.

But what?

All he had was his Bible to go on. He knew that God could be swayed by you if you made a good case. Maybe he could pray for her to go to heaven… She had emotionally abused him for the last half decade and drunk his retirement money, though. Still, he didn’t think she deserved hell. Before she’d turned to alcohol, she’d been the sweet and easygoing love of his life.

God knew the truth of his heart, though, and he couldn’t pray for her to go to heaven until he forgave her for the way she treated him. If even the man she abused prayed with his whole heart for her to go to paradise, then surely, she would be saved and desist her charged haunting of their house. Forgiveness was going to be a monumental task.

“God,” he began, “I’m going to talk this through with you.”

He thought for a while.

“She used to be one of the best Christians I knew, God. She was yours through and through. She used to be kind, and had the moral of putting others before herself. I knew her to help family and friends with their problems, and she used to treat me well. I used to love her so much. When she worked, she gave ten percent of her income to the homeless shelter, and she would volunteer sometimes at the food bank. That seems like a lifetime ago, but she did, God. She did good in her life.”

He wondered how to explain his feelings, and took comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit could interpret for him no matter what actually came out of him.

“Well…I think I need to try to understand where it went wrong. Maybe if I put myself in her shoes, I can come to an understanding and get past this. She used to be such a good person, and every once in a while, I’d see that person, even recently.

I think it was when her dad died. She couldn’t handle it. I knew she was getting depressed, but I didn’t realize it was so bad until she got fired from her job. She’d been staying home to sleep all day without telling me. Then she started just sleeping all the time, and crying, and not eating – it was terrible. I couldn’t help her – I had to work extra hours because we didn’t have her income. I was gone all the time, and she just kept getting worse. That stage of her life I think I can understand. It wasn’t her fault, God. She just couldn’t handle the death of her father.

Then she turned to alcohol, and you know how that changed her. That’s what I have to get over.”

He paused and took a few deep breaths. It seemed as though the house was listening to him, and it disconcerted him. In the bathroom to his right, the fan began turning on and off.

“She turned to alcohol, and you know how that went.” He continued, ignoring the fan. It stopped.

“I guess I knew it was to manage her depression. I tried to get her to go to therapy, but she wouldn’t listen to me. She didn’t want to give up alcohol, and she knew that’s what a therapist would focus on. She wouldn’t listen to me, God.

“I don’t know if I did everything in my power to help her. Forgive me, if I didn’t. Help me have the strength to forgive her, God. I know that she was in the shadow of the valley of death and just spiraled out of control…maybe no one could have withstood the pain she felt.

“Was this all part of your plan, God? Did you mean for her to die just five years after the dad she couldn’t live without? I think I could accept it, if you needed me to withstand five years of abuse in order to be strong for some future event. I’ve grown tougher as a person, and she didn’t take the me away from me. No one ever could, now.”

He thought about the adultery and the HIV, and became so bitter he decided to end the prayer for the night.

“Amen.” He said.

He slept restlessly, feeling as though he were being watched. The headboard periodically clanked against the wall, waking him. He resolved to end this matter sooner rather than later, no matter how much anger and sadness was in his heart.

The next night he read a few passages of the Bible, then, encouraged by the strength he found there, started again.

“God, I’m going to address the HIV. She did commit adultery, and I know that’s against the ten commandments.

“I think I can forgive her. I would say that hatred is like poisoning yourself and hoping that the other person dies, but she is literally dead. This anger does absolutely nothing but make me miserable. God, I need your help with this. Will you take my anger from me? I don’t want it – I want to move on.”

He felt a sense of peace come over him. Now he felt more ready to forgive his wife.

“God, I really think her soul is still good. I think that if she hadn’t died, perhaps she would have eventually come to terms with the death of her dad and given up alcohol. Either that, or maybe she’d have hit rock bottom and gone to rehab, and recovered that way. She just needed to be receptive to professional help.”

“I love the person I know she is without alcohol and emotional crisis. I always will. She was my wife. Don’t hold the way she treated me against her, because I forgive her. I don’t think she should go to hell. She doesn’t deserve eternal torture. Please take her to heaven. I don’t know why she’s haunting me, but I think she should go to heaven, now. Amen.”

He never heard or saw any evidence he was being haunted, again. Over the entire course of the rest of his life, only one person ever believed him when he told them about it.

submitted by /u/Christian_Writer [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2UL1qR9

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: 💕 Janis: feeling the love 'cos corporate making ya, hey? Janis: how many holiday drinks you made today Jimmy: feels like billions Jimmy: not the kinda wrist action to be #buzzing about Janis: here's hoping you working commission lad Janis: is any? 🤔 #hotdatewithjane Jimmy: Tam's been in and out all day earning you those kicks you desire Jimmy: #notsosecretadmirer Jimmy: can't stay away on this special day Janis: Christ, you'd think she wouldn't wanna be seen DEAD outside her house, single, on this most sacred day Janis: gotta be stringing her along with lingering just a little too long when handing over the caffeine, good job babe 👏 Janis: think Grace is lowkey in hiding Janis: too late to even frantically swipe right on tinder now ladies Jimmy: Tell her Bobby'll be round Jimmy: He would if date night wasn't past his bedtime like Janis: 😂 bless Janis: all got our cross to bear, kid Janis: can't get my date out without a leash and promises of treats 🤷 Jimmy: Speaking of bitches, I seen Mia's timed her latest for the stockholm syndrome to kick in right on time Janis: look, i know you're bitter 'cos i've chucked you for better but don't bad mouth the bae, ok? Janis: forreal tho, they have schedules, like clockwork Janis: a new man for every occasion, this one won't last 'til her bday Jimmy: Keeping my hands where Tams can't see or cuff 'em Janis: 😏 tmi Janis: and unhygienic to boot, you serve lattes with those hands Jimmy: filthy 🧠 Jimmy: it's the company you keep Jimmy: Twix's gone from trying to shit in my dad's shoes to humping 'em Janis: whoa now, i didn't teach her that Janis: but think about it, from a scatological foot fetish to just a bit of vanilla pre-teen humping of inanimate objects Janis: it IS a step in the right direction Jimmy: But you are about treating 'em mean to keep 'em keen Janis: Your kicks are safe, dun' worry Janis: if she's taught me anything, not the way into the good books 😇 Jimmy: If you wanna aim for my work shoes I won't complain Jimmy: A day off is a day off Jimmy: Warn me first though, unless you're into those kind of surprises Janis: Best not to be seen with each other today Janis: don't wanna give everyone the wrong idea Janis: but nice try, you'll have to stick to burning yaself and the like if you wanna bunk Jimmy: Tammy's bound to help me with that Jimmy: #likeagiraffeonice Janis: She's beauty, she's graces Janis: wants you to cum all over her face Jimmy: fingers crossed she'll melt mine off first Jimmy: Better with that Janis: fair Janis: no way you've got the reach Jimmy: 💕 #whenbaebelievesinyou Janis: what, you want me to offer help with target practice? Janis: nice try dickhead 😜 Jimmy: Romance isn't dead there's the proof Jimmy: What are you doing today, aside from belly rubs for the bae Janis: gotta do something, don't I? feel bad like Janis: slayed the gift game and I really phoned it in so obvs gotta give out those sexual favours Janis: nowt though, trying to avoid seeing all the lovey-dovey couples making me wanna vom Janis: letting Tam work her magic in peace 😘 welcome like Jimmy: 💔🐶🎻 Jimmy: Making drinks with my eyes closed 'cause same Jimmy: Crack on Tam #tallgirlsneedlovetoo Janis: any barista will do 🎶 Janis: wanna hang when the madness is over Jimmy: The way this queue is going there isn't gonna be goodies left to bring you Jimmy: But I'm sweet enough😎 Jimmy: So yeah Janis: Bummer Janis: guess I can't kick you outta bed for that alone Janis: let you tot up negatives throughout the day, standard Jimmy: Got a pen behind my ear Jimmy: Come at me Janis: never could resist a challenge Janis: 🙄 walked into that one Janis: can we do something not shit Janis: don't need to see you slurping down spaghetti lady and the tramp stylee Jimmy: 💔 I'll shoo away all the strays I've gathered Jimmy: Only one dog for you like Jimmy: But of course that's how we stay goals Jimmy: any old shit won't do 💪🏆 Janis: 🎻 Janis: okay good Janis: play your cards right and get it right Janis: i'll spring for the motel 😉 Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: for once i'll be rooting for you Janis: my parents are unbearable at the best of times Janis: 🤢 Janis: actually cannot deal Jimmy: My dad and his girlfriend are still early days enough that they can bear to be in the same room Jimmy: I won't fail Janis: oh the honeymoon period Janis: disgusting Janis: thank god we got that out of the way with a fake relationship so you know my true feelings 😏 Jimmy: yeah thanks mate Jimmy: 👍 Janis: welcome, buddy o' pal o' mine Jimmy: Done Jimmy: I've worked it out Janis: taking a particularly difficult shit? Janis: again, don't need these intimate updates honey Janis: not #goals Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: No, what's goals is what we're gonna do, babe 😏 Jimmy: Keeping you outta the house 'til there's no cringe factor left Janis: Ahh Janis: colour me intrigued Jimothy Janis: what's the dress code? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Nothing Tam would be seen dead in Janis: Alright, no body con that shows all my worst bits, gotcha Janis: do I get ANY clues? Curious 🙀 right here Jimmy: You might just make yourself a new bae Jimmy: But pace yourself mate Janis: 😳 Janis: i don't own any PVC clothing, you know that, yeah? Jimmy: I do now 🎻 Janis: 😂 can literally hear Gracie in my head asking me what i'm like rn Janis: letting ya man down on vday Janis: honestly Jimmy: when one twin's a giver and the other's a taker 😂 Janis: tbf, we BOTH told you you'd got the wrong one but Janis: cloth ears you Jimmy: Down for the challenge Jimmy: Too late to not be a stubborn dickhead, me Janis: looks like we're both stuck then, lad Jimmy: there's that #realtalk mate Janis: can't say we didn't both give it a fair go Janis: #longdistanceloveinskerries #teenagerunaway Jimmy: You'll always have Twix 💕 Janis: gotta have someone to rely on init Jimmy: #tea Janis: #scaldedagain #jobhazard Jimmy: [Sends a selfie of an actual burn/on the job hazard] Jimmy: Stuff of fantasies that Janis: Poor baby! Has Tam not offered to 💋 it better? Janis: #slacking Jimmy: She's got her 👀 a bit lower down Jimmy: I'm just a piece of 🍖 Jimmy: The real hazard Janis: start a # about it Janis: 'cos can't blame her Janis: part of the problem, truly Jimmy: Will do Janis: being all distracting there with your apron and that Janis: asking for it Jimmy: I thought it was the shoes Jimmy: Sexy from head to toe like Jimmy: 🐶💗 Janis: 😋 something certainly got tongues n tails wagging Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: The company I keep, I think 😉 Janis: valid, the bitches love me 😍 Jimmy: Alright, save it for the 'gram Jimmy: #humblebrag Janis: Twix is a busy lady, only got you scheduled in so far Janis: guess the fans will have to make do with your mug 😜 Jimmy: unlucky lads and lasses Janis: they love it Janis: 'til some other cunt is unlucky enough to be enrolled in our school, you're gonna stay flavour of the month 🍦 Jimmy: 💪🥇 Janis: meanwhile, i gotta wait 'til the next fam scandal 'til I'm relevant again Janis: such is life Janis: not that its ever THAT long 🙄 Jimmy: Whip up some fake drama for you to hide in if you want Jimmy: Crack 'em out with the lattes Janis: I don't doubt you're capable Janis: just getting over sinkgate 😏 Mr. Lucas never will 😉 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: He's one of the only dickheads who hasn't been in today Jimmy: Still time 🤞 Janis: think a milky earl grey is his shout Janis: get it ready, really impress him Janis: more than you did, obvs Jimmy: The coffee breath and forehead vein says espresso though 🤔 Jimmy: Man o mystery Janis: 🤤 Janis: so hot Jimmy: More competition is it? Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: Using you as a ploy to get him hot under that starched collar all along Janis: soz babes 😘 Jimmy: I should've known your real goal was to get under that lumpy jumper Janis: 😂 Janis: know he's got the goods under it Jimmy: Can't fight the feeling Janis: s'a real shame the hottest female teacher we've got is that TA with the wonky fringe and clompy shoes Janis: who you got your sights set on next? Jimmy: always been about a wonky fringe meself Jimmy: Clompy shoes are a massive bonus when Twix is being a mad bitch underfoot too like Janis: draw the line there pal Janis: gotta get the dog in the divorce like Janis: not letting that hipster bitch anywhere near Jimmy: 🥊 Jimmy: going down swinging Janis: if she doesn't scream cat lady as is, she's defs into weird pets like fucking Janis: stick insects Janis: hope you're soooo happy together like 🖕 not even mad Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: nice to have your blessing, mate Jimmy: be my best man on the day Janis: literally fuck off Janis: only just got rid of the lesbian rumours and you wanna put me in a suit WHILST friendzoning me Janis: nah 😤 Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: found a challenge she won't accept Janis: only way i'm showing up is if you invite all your exes and put us on a table so we can chat mad shit on you Janis: be a man about it, boy Jimmy: card table at the back, couple of chairs so you can place your bets 👍 Janis: more like it Janis: hook up with your actual best man Janis: pure spite and alcohol fuelling me Jimmy: It'd probs be Cass so best not Jimmy: no good for the rep Janis: 😡 Janis: same tho, if i ever got hitched (ignoring the unlikeliness of that) i'd have to hit up the sibs for those bridesmaids and ting Janis: least my fam is good for numbers if not company like Jimmy: Grace has used her twin senses and is moodboarding somewhere rn Jimmy: Unlucky Janis: 🤢 don't Janis: vietnam flashbacks rn Janis: you know how many fake weddings of hers i've attended Jimmy: I can imagine Jimmy: And am Jimmy: Cute 😂 Janis: Fuck off Janis: shame your dad don't wanna be bffs Janis: can't hit him up for embarrassing pics and stories to use against you Jimmy: Another win to my name Janis: 🖕 Janis: sincerely hope you get a beverage thrown in ur face Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Wish you'da got me some earplugs Jimmy: Come on over mate, I've got loads Jimmy: #whenyourdadisdating Janis: literally Janis: at least you know its the same woman to avoid when she runs to the bog to clean herself up Janis: Pablo already on 2nd of the day Janis: Need a way to let 'em know Jimmy: Gotta have a sleepover with your real bae Jimmy: Twix'll sort 'em Jimmy: Sticking her nose in, literally like Janis: Oh that sweet curious girl Janis: some things she never need see 🙈 Jimmy: #nosybitchproblems Janis: getting dirt on enemy #1 anyway she can Janis: those bribe bones coming her way Jimmy: Happy v-day to her Janis: Maybe you and wonky fringe can have a fuck-off Janis: bet she's a right goer when you get the hair down and glasses off like Jimmy: Invite you and Mr Lucas for the post shag debrief Jimmy: Give you a /10 Janis: Naturally Janis: so curious to know how I rank 😒 Jimmy: Always a 10 with Twix Janis: 🙌 Janis: that'll help with the rep Jimmy: Me and Killer'll take the heat off with our new relationship shine Janis: yeah it loves you Janis: daft fucking dog Jimmy: Pity I can't turn the 💕 into 💰 Jimmy: Loads of lattes no will to keep slinging 'em Janis: Looking for a career change? Janis: fame getting too real? Jimmy: Got me looking like a deer in the headlights Jimmy: Tammy's livid Jimmy: There can only be one Janis: 'bout to be a bloodbath in CG Jimmy: Place your bets, mate Janis: hmm Janis: Tams got the reach like but reckon she's mostly talk n neck Janis: nan's not been in has she? 😉 Jimmy: She's serving me that 💔 while I crane my own neck looking out for her all day long Jimmy: no sign yet Janis: Gutted Janis: even she's feeling the lurve today Janis: literally no place to go Janis: so tragic Jimmy: About to eat my feelings like a proper flat white squad member Jimmy: Speaking of feeling that l.u.r.v.e did you hear how many cards Cass got sent? Jimmy: 7 Janis: WHAT Janis: get it gurl but also fuck off lads she's too lil Jimmy: walking about like its nowt Jimmy: 😎 Janis: thank god Janis: no one needs that ego boost Janis: fuming tbh Jimmy: Bobs made one at school Jimmy: guess who for Janis: Aww, bless him Janis: she does need that boost Janis: he gonna hand-deliver? Jimmy: He's insisting Jimmy: So be about Jimmy: You got one too Jimmy: moving in on my lass Janis: we in, have to kick the empty ice cream cartons out the way like but find us in front of bridget jones or similar Janis: i'm honoured like 😊 Jimmy: Yours is bigger but hers has more glitter Jimmy: Can't call a winner Janis: size matters Janis: #facts Janis: soz Gracie, gotta fight you or you'll get too comfy Jimmy: Just don't let her vlog it Jimmy: Don't need porno style #s going viral Janis: MY TWIN ATTACKED ME!?!?!?! (NOT CLICKBAIT) Jimmy: Haters, on this sacred day Jimmy: #savage Janis: Glad to keep her in #content Janis: who's the real ⭐ baby Jimmy: 🤩 Jimmy: Better than 💝 chocs Janis: the calories! 😱 Jimmy: who needs food when you can exist on ☕ and even hotter goss 💋 Janis: diet of champions that 🙄 Janis: mia be bullshitting them that she doesn't run on sheer cuntiness Jimmy: Mia? A bullshitter? 😲 Jimmy: Nope Janis: awks 😕 Janis: did you think you was forever? Jimmy: she was my fucking cinnamon apple Janis: 😂 Janis: at least i've got an excuse to fight her again Janis: try not to get in the way this time Jimmy: Will do Jimmy: 2nd rule of fight club, get out the way dickhead Janis: brad pitt in that film Janis: mwah 💋👌 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I got no retort because Helena, not the one like Janis: crazy bitch not your type, eh? Janis: think the masses would have to disagree 😏 Jimmy: Start a # or I'm not listening, sorry everyone Janis: he's a modern man Jimmy: 💪😎 Janis: wonder if anyone will get pregnant tonight Janis: wanna make a bet? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll put today's wage on it Jimmy: No tips Jimmy: Need them for our big 💕 plans Janis: alright, you're on Janis: here's hoping its only the tip for all the other lads like Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Walked into that one Janis: 💁 Janis: shame we're not a hardcore catholic school #upthebuttforjesus Jimmy: I'd have to pray meself if I'd made a bet under them conditions Janis: what can i say? just like me, showing faith in our peers Janis: ur so negative, babe Janis: like dem tests 🤞 Jimmy: don't need to be an optimist to wait for those positives Janis: we'll see Jimmy: what to I get when I win this one Jimmy: quite a streak now babe 😏 Janis: 😣 Janis: on the off chance you manage to scrape a win Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Escape route for longer than a night for starters Jimmy: Lovebirds doing my head in Jimmy: I'm thinking a weekend break that isn't #cursed like Janis: Always down for running Janis: up for it not being away from you this time 😉 Janis: bringing the kiddos or? Jimmy: Depends if they kick off Jimmy: Got time to work on bribes Jimmy: Dad's Valerie might wanna play happy families 😒 Janis: 😬 Janis: that'll be fun Janis: can't have you dealing with that Janis: at least their tales of woe whilst you were gone will be packed with that #scandal and #drama Jimmy: might be easier to take 'em amount of SOS's we'd get Jimmy: Cass blowing up both our phones before we're out the door Jimmy: fuck knows Janis: Eithers cool Janis: just leave the hardcore whips n chains at home like Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: Alright done Jimmy: If we stick 'em on their own does that make us the mccanns Janis: not if we don't drug 'em Janis: stick to sweets and other such bribes and we'll be alright Jimmy: Gonna be enough of a plan getting there without adding a murder cover up Janis: honestly Janis: not on the agenda Janis: not a nice pretty white doctor like, never getting away with it Jimmy: not the 💕 american films'd have you believe either I reckon Jimmy: Surrounded by a cloud of smoke already cheers don't need a hail of bullets Janis: yeah if #blacklivesmatter taught us anything Janis: not the ideal way to spend a weekend Janis: also, still creasing at her name Janis: such middle aged hot piece of ass vibes Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: definitely can't promise you any of that Jimmy: but if you win, I'll 🚭 and hopefully run like less of a middle aged dickhead with a dad bod Jimmy: less of an evidence trail an' all Jimmy: win win Janis: whoa, that's awful big talk from the resident chimney Janis: you are sure you're gonna win 😉 Janis: but i accept the full Ts and Cs Janis: you should train with me Janis: not just an excuse to 👀 the dad bod Jimmy: Deal done then Jimmy: Trying to see me in my short shorts Jimmy: You'll have to catch me first like Janis: wouldn't even be fair to make it a competition like Jimmy: If you're too shit scared, mate Janis: just curious why you wanna lose so bad Janis: thinking you might love what punishment i have in mind? Jimmy: Wondering what it feels like 'cause it never happens Jimmy: You seem to be about it with all your repeats Janis: I'm going to enjoy making you suffer Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: Gonna start a club with Mr Lucas? Janis: any time i get to spend with him like Janis: not like I wanna think up new cruel and unusual ways to get you but Janis: needs must Jimmy: 💕 cute Jimmy: I'd tell him to get his 🎻 out but we know what those hands are busy doing Janis: eurgh 😂 too far Janis: my 'rents reckon he's an actual predator, like, there are stories Janis: do not wanna commit so hard to this bit that I become his next victim forreal Jimmy: Not gonna happen babe 💪😎🐶 Jimmy: Squad got you covered Janis: My heroes 😍 Jimmy: If Twix isn't up to it my bae'll come through Jimmy: Named for it literally Janis: Reckon that was the idea Janis: or they were being ironic with it Janis: #sojokes Jimmy: either way I'll knock him out before its a drama Jimmy: as long as you don't get in my way naturally Janis: don't worry, got the sense I was born with 😜 Janis: dickhead Jimmy: Lucky you were born with it Jimmy: Some of us have neither Janis: 🎻 Janis: so what part of pretty woman you looking to recreate this time Janis: what's your artistic vision? 😏 Jimmy: I haven't seen it Jimmy: Bound to be an aesthetic montage though, isn't there? Janis: don't let my sister hear you Janis: roped into GIRLS NIGHT! before you know it Jimmy: Get the popcorn in Gracie, mine's salted Jimmy: Shout you a diet something if you keep the noise down, hun Janis: #romanticvdaynightplans Janis: i get why she got confused, you have #boundaryissues mate 😂 Jimmy: Living up to that dating a twin stereotype Jimmy: The people in my comment section DEMAND it, alright? Jimmy: #gottagiveemwhattheywant Janis: Nah, bitch, you can only play that if we're identical Janis: its not like whoops thought it was u Janis: on ANY level 😤 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Oh shit the boss is the embodiment of that emoji Jimmy: Yours not mine Jimmy: Gonna have to get a room Jimmy: Ban him, that's not how I'm earning employee of the month perks, sorry lad Janis: Convenient 😒 Janis: lemme catch u in her inbox boi 🥊 Janis: jk, get to work slacker, catch you in a mo Jimmy: 🐊 Jimmy: In a bit 💕 Janis: 🖤

[themomsandthecity]

I Swore I'd Never Complain About Anything If I Could Just Have a Baby

The following story, "I Swore I'd Never Complain" by Alyssa Shelasky, was originally published on Boomdash. When I decided to have a baby on my own, about three years ago, I swore I'd never complain. I'd never take it for granted. I'd never b*tch about the thing I wanted so, so, so, so badly. And for a while, I didn't. I did a lot without complaining. Emergency C-section, six months without sleep, solo travel with a screaming baby, a milk-duct in my left breast that grew to the size of a Granny Smith, etc. Nothing we all haven't (barely) survived. Anyway, I wasn't a huge complainer to begin with. Becoming a Single Mother by Choice is not for wimps. If you can't handle hustle, stress, and a nonstop schlep than it's probably not for you. But like most New Yorkers, hustle, stress, and a nonstop schlep was my chosen way of life. New York badassery prepared me for motherhood more than any book ever could. Okay, maybe I was a little spoiled in the sense that as a freelancer, I woke up whenever my body wanted to. (Can you imagine that now?) And it was never before 9 am. Also, I had endless afternoons to, I don't know, like, live life. I enjoyed indie matinees with carefully curated coffee from La Colombe and brie sandwiches from Breads Bakery. I'd sometimes spend all day Saturday sourcing the best, cheapest, messiest Japanese haircut. And then go. Or not. But giving up all of that superficial (aka: absolutely f*cking spectacular lifestyle) was a small price to pay for motherhood. I get that. I really do! I was even totally prepared to give up romance . . . for a while. And then, when Hazel was six months old, I met someone. And, among other beautiful things about him - that he's kind, generous, and sexy - I now had someone to share the ride with, even if temporarily. And I finally had someone to complain to. At first I bit my tongue. I wore tough 'n tender well. But slowly, I got comfortable. Too comfortable. I let it all out. Isn't that what partners do? Commiserate? Granted, my daughter doesn't give me much to complain about. She is perfect. I'm just . . . really tired. (I know, how unoriginal, who isn't??) And I miss tending vigorously to my first baby, my work. Those are the only things that sometimes hurt. And only a little. Oh, and that I cook her really gorgeous produce and proteins and she'll eat only pasta and pastries. And that she loves cats and motel rooms, which I just can't get behind. Anyway, after only a few weeks of dating, the now "boyfriend" took me home to Maine. To love me, means loving Hazel; to love him, means loving Maine. I'm originally from Massachusetts, so I was game. But that's where my relationship with complaining got even more complicated. Because newsflash: Mainers don't complain. His amazing, attractive, overflowing family, with farms and gardens and dogs and flowers and meals to make Martha Stewart cry, never complains. It's not in their blood; it's not in their blueberries. They wake up very early, they work very hard, they eat very well, and they do not complain. I loved them from the start. They embraced Hazel with open hearts. They made me feel empowered for walking a different path. Strong women and Maine go together like Neurotics and New York. Maybe Hazel would be a hybrid? Not for the first time, I recently asked my boyfriend's mom, "Where do the complaints go?" Does she simply not say them out loud? Do they not even exist in her head? She just smiled, warmly. And then I probably told her I was freezing and asked to borrow a fleece. It's been a year together now. Hazel is 17-months old. And did I mention, she's perfect? The three of us are leaving for Bermuda on Tuesday so that I can write about pink sand and sailboats. I am lucky. I am also writing this from my one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, where Hazel has the bedroom and I sleep on a daybed in the living room. My boyfriend sometimes sleeps on a fold-up mattress on the floor. My apartment, which was once so chic and writerly that it was photographed in magazines, is now a sticky squalor, accessorized with non-organic muffin crumbs, shitty plastic tambourines and random, dirty socks of all sizes. My daughter - hand to God - has her hand in the toilet bowl and I'm totally allowing it because writing without interruption is my last luxury. I honestly haven't showered since . . . But I swore I'd never complain. http://bit.ly/2mRF5OX