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𝗠𝘆 𝗡𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗣𝗼𝗿𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿 [ 2 ]
Part One Pairings: PornStar!Bucky Barnes x f!Reader Themes: Sexual Innuendo/humour,Guy next door, situational comedy? Sexual Themes 18+ ONLY: fingering, cunnilingus, Bucky loves tiddies, dirty talk. Summary: Though you've become oddly close to SergeantBarnes, it's still difficult to act normal around him. A/N: I didn't think many would ask for a part two but here you go. divider by @cafekitsune
It was a peaceful evening in the apartment gym—or, at least, it was supposed to be. You had your plan: thirty minutes on the stair climber, some stretches, and you’d be out of there before any awkwardness could find you.
But then you heard it—the unmistakable sound of weights clanging, followed by a deep, low grunt that made your entire body freeze.
You glanced up, hoping against hope that it wasn’t who you thought it was. But, of course, there he was: Bucky, over at the hip thrust machine, setting up his weights directly in front of you. Perfect, you thought. Of all the machines in here, he has to pick the most… suggestive one.
Your eyes flicked back to the tiny screen on your machine. Stay focused, you told yourself. Don’t look. Just ignore him.
But the moment he started his set, you heard it—a low, powerful grunt that practically reverberated through the gym. You immediately bit down on your lip, forcing yourself to stare straight ahead, pretending you weren’t having flashbacks to his other kind of workouts.
Another deep grunt.
Your hands clenched the stair climber’s handles like a lifeline. Do NOT look, you told yourself, the mantra echoing in your mind. But your treacherous eyes slid sideways, just for a second, and you caught a glimpse of him, face focused, breaths heavy as he powered through each hip thrust. The guy was practically a one-man gym commercial.
You looked away, focusing on your steps—your very uneven, slightly panicked steps. It’s just a hip thrust, for crying out loud! Nothing unusual here, you told yourself, trying to stomp out the heat creeping up your cheeks. But every time he exhaled, your mind filled with images of… well, his other performances.
Then, in the middle of one of his reps, Bucky let out a particularly deep, guttural grunt that nearly threw you off balance. Your foot slipped, your rhythm stuttered, and in a moment of pure panic, you clutched the handles and stumbled forward, practically throwing yourself onto the machine.
“Shit!” you yelped, fumbling to regain your balance as your legs moved faster than your brain, desperately trying not to faceplant.
You heard Bucky chuckle, that low, infuriatingly amused laugh, and felt your cheeks practically ignite. You looked up, heart pounding, only to find him smirking in your direction, eyes dancing with mischief.
“Careful there, Y/N,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “Stair climbers are brutal.”
“Oh, yeah, totally!” you squeaked, straightening up, trying to look like you meant to almost eat it. “Just… keeping things interesting. Got to keep the cardio exciting, you know?”
“Looks like it’s working,” he replied, wiping his forehead with a towel, his grin widening as he noticed your death grip on the machine. “You sure you’re good over there?”
“Oh, I’m… I’m great,” you lied, your face flaming as you tried to regain your composure. But he wasn’t done with you yet.
“Glad to hear it,” he said, voice way too smooth. He paused, then tilted his head, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Gotta admit, though… this machine setup does feel a bit familiar.”
Your brain nearly exploded. Did he just—? He couldn’t mean… But his eyes sparkled with that infuriating, knowing look, and you knew exactly what he was hinting at. Your face went beet red as your foot slipped again, but this time you managed to catch yourself, narrowly avoiding another disaster.
“Uh-huh,” you said, laughing nervously, desperately trying to hold it together. “Well, enjoy your… uh, workout!”
“Oh, I am,” he said, chuckling softly. “Especially with the view.” He winked, setting up for another set while you tried not to spontaneously combust.
With one final, mortified glance, you turned your attention back to the stair climber, mentally swearing you’d never step foot in this gym again after this.
Since you survived the stair climber ordeal without faceplanting (barely), you decided it was time to move on. Somewhere—anywhere—that didn’t involve Bucky’s hip thrusts or his incessant, maddening smirk.
You zeroed in on the bench press. Safe, you thought, relieved. Just a standard exercise. Nothing suggestive, no chance of stumbling, tripping, or looking like a klutz. You grabbed the bar, took a deep breath, and mentally prepped yourself. Easy-peasy.
And then—because the universe simply refused to give you a break—you heard that all-too-familiar voice right beside you.
“Need a spot?”
You looked up and almost swallowed your tongue. There was Bucky, looming over you with that same damn smirk, wiping his hands on a towel like he was gearing up for some personal training session from your worst/best nightmares.
“Oh, uh… I—” you stammered, already feeling the heat creep up your neck. You’ve got this, you told yourself. Just let him help you. No big deal. You’re a mature, fully-functioning adult.
“Yeah, sure!” you squeaked, trying to sound normal as he stepped closer, positioning himself behind the bench. You laid back, gripping the bar, and immediately realized what a horrible, terrible mistake this was. You were now lying flat on your back, Bucky leaning over you, his face far too close as he focused on making sure you could lift the weight.
“You ready?” he asked, his face all business, but his lips still had that mischievous curve.
“Ready,” you mumbled, eyes darting anywhere but up at him, trying to ignore how absolutely awkwardly intimate this felt. You started your set, breathing steadily as you lifted the bar, determined to act as if this were a completely normal workout.
But then, midway through the reps, he leaned down a little closer. “By the way, did you check out my new video?”
Your hands nearly slipped. You fumbled the bar, barely catching it as your brain short-circuited.
“W-What?” you managed, voice strangled, heart racing.
“My new video,” he repeated, casually reaching out to help guide the bar back into place as you struggled not to lose it. “Thought you might’ve seen it by now.”
Your cheeks flamed, but you somehow managed to choke out, “N-No! I… I haven’t seen it!”
Bucky chuckled softly, raising an eyebrow as he straightened up, his voice taking on a teasing, almost disappointed tone.
“Oh. That’s a shame,” he said, smirk lingering. “Didn’t have a costar this time—just me, actually. First time I’ve ever done that.”
Your mouth dropped open. Just him? Your brain skidded to a halt. Suddenly, you were far too interested in a video you’d just denied seeing.
“Oh, um… interesting?” you squeaked, trying to keep your face neutral but definitely failing.
“Yeah,” he replied with a shrug, looking at you with twinkling eyes. “Guess you’ll have to let me know what you think… whenever you get around to it.”
“Actually, I… uh… I kind of stopped watching… since we, you know… know each other. Just… feels awkward.”
Bucky’s grin widened, his eyes lighting up with amusement.
“Oh, so you’re telling me we’re too close for you to watch my work now?” He raised an eyebrow, looking mockingly offended. “I thought we were supporting local artists.”
Your cheeks practically combusted as he said it, and you fumbled with the bar, desperately trying to pretend you hadn’t heard him. Supporting local artists? Was he serious right now?
“Oh my god,” you mumbled, absolutely mortified. “This is not— You’re not— I mean…!”
But he just looked down at you, that smug grin firmly in place as he leaned in, clearly enjoying every second of your flustered state.
“What?” he asked, feigning innocence. “Don’t you believe in supporting the arts?”
Your mouth opened and closed like a fish, words completely failing you. “This… this is not the same!” you finally blurted, clutching the bar like it was your only lifeline.
“Oh really?” he replied, chuckling. “Because it sounds like you’re saying we’re too close for me to keep doing what I do. You know, my passion.”
You practically choked, waving your hands around in frantic denial. “No! No! That’s not— I’m not stopping you! I’m just— I don’t know, maybe supporting from a… distant, supportive spiritual place?”
He laughed outright, shaking his head. “So, what—you’re like cheering me on… but from across the street?”
You nodded vigorously, still trying to save face. “Exactly! Just… supportive… but in a non-participatory kind of way.”
“Got it,” he said, smirking. “So, I’m officially your guilty pleasure now.”
You groaned, covering your face with your hands as he chuckled, clearly far too pleased with himself.
Note to self: Avoid all future conversations with Bucky Barnes for the rest of eternity.
× × × ×
That evening, you were finally settled at your dining table, a bowl of pasta in front of you, determined to put the entire gym disaster behind you. You’d survived another encounter with Bucky—barely—and now all you wanted was some quiet, non-embarrassing time with carbs.
But as you twirled your fork in the noodles, your brain betrayed you, replaying his words from earlier.
“Did you check out my new video?”
You paused mid-bite, the fork hovering near your mouth as you stared blankly at the wall, feeling a strange mix of curiosity and dread bubbling up. What could he have meant by “just me”? You tried to shake it off, forcing another forkful of pasta into your mouth. Nope, not going there.
But the thought lingered, nudging you, until you found yourself setting down the fork, fingers hovering over your phone. Just one quick search, you reasoned, glancing around your empty apartment as if someone might catch you.
You typed in the familiar site, thumbs hesitating above the search bar, nearly typing “SergeantBarnes new video” before you snapped back to reality, dropping the phone like it burned.
“Oh, no,” you muttered to yourself, horrified at how close you’d come. “Absolutely not. What am I, insane?”
You shoved another forkful of pasta into your mouth, shaking your head furiously. “I am not doing this.”
But as you continued eating, your eyes kept darting back to the phone, the curiosity gnawing at you, leaving you torn between common sense and the very persuasive power of nosiness.
You took a deep breath, clenching your fists. “Get a grip, Y/N. You are absolutely not watching that video.”
...But maybe just a preview?
You groaned, stuffing your face with more pasta, determined to win this internal battle.
× × × ×
The next morning, just as you were heading out the door for work, you spotted something bright and obnoxiously neon-colored taped to the wall near the mailboxes. Curiosity got the better of you, and you stepped closer, squinting at the bold, glittery letters.
POOL PARTY THIS WEEKEND! it proclaimed. Food, drinks, music, fun! Don’t miss it!
You raised an eyebrow, debating if you’d actually brave a building-wide party when suddenly, the quiet hallway was shattered by a loud, unmistakably ecstatic moan. The kind that could only mean one thing.
From none other than Bucky’s apartment.
You froze, eyes widening in disbelief. Is that—? Is he—?
A second moan, even louder than the first, confirmed it. This wasn’t just any moan; this was the sound of someone—some woman—having the time of her life. At what had to be eight o’clock in the morning.
“Oh, seriously?!” you hissed under your breath, glancing down the hallway as if there might be witnesses to this auditory ambush. Just then, the woman’s voice hit a pitch so high it practically reverberated off the walls.
You winced, clutching your bag like it could somehow shield you from this. Who even has that much energy in the morning? You took a step back, hoping to escape the sonic nightmare, but the moans only got louder, each sound more animated than the last.
You threw your hands over your ears, eyes squeezed shut as you muttered furiously to yourself.
“Nope, nope, absolutely not. Not today, not right now.” You spun on your heel, practically power-walking down the hall, doing your best to drown out the soundtrack blaring from his apartment.
“YES, SERGEANT! OH MY GOD!”
You practically stumbled, muttering an alarmed, “Oh my god, stop!” as you picked up the pace, pressing your hands even harder against your ears. It was like some kind of cruel game—the closer you got to the elevator, the louder it seemed to get, echoing in your ears like a siren you couldn’t escape.
You winced, feeling your face burn as you all but sprinted down the hall, chanting, “Nope, nope, NOPE!” under your breath like a mantra. It was as if your feet couldn’t carry you fast enough, each step a desperate attempt to put some distance between you and… whatever was happening in that apartment.
Finally, you made it to the elevator, slamming your finger against the button with more force than necessary, glancing nervously over your shoulder as if the sounds might follow you. The doors mercifully slid open, and you dove inside, leaning back against the wall and pressing your hands over your ears one last time, breathing a sigh of relief.
But just as the doors began to close, one last triumphant shout echoed down the hallway, loud and clear, like the universe had decided you hadn’t suffered enough.
You groaned, staring up at the ceiling as the doors shut, wondering if this building had any quiet hours, or if you were doomed to start every morning with a full-blown soundscape of… Bucky’s extracurricular activities.
Note to self: Invest in earplugs. Maybe some noise-canceling headphones. Or a new apartment altogether.
× × × ×
You arrived at work looking like you’d barely survived a natural disaster. Traumatized, sleep-deprived, and still hearing the morning’s very loud soundtrack echoing in your mind, you slumped into your chair, hoping to quietly blend into the office scenery and get through the day in peace.
Naturally, that was too much to ask.
“Whoa,” Trish said, swiveling in her chair to eye you like you were a science experiment gone wrong. “You look like you just spent a night in a haunted house.”
“Or… like you had a wild morning,” Amy added, raising her eyebrows. “You okay there, Y/N?”
“Fine,” you muttered, barely making eye contact as you set your bag down, trying to erase the vivid flashbacks of Bucky’s… extremely enthusiastic co-worker.
Before you could even recover, Trish leaned in, her grin spreading like wildfire. “Sooo… did you finally get around to watching Sergeant Barnes’ new video?”
Your head snapped up, heart stopping in your chest. “Wha—no! Why would I… I mean… I—”
“Oh, come on,” Amy said, nudging you like she’d just caught you in a guilty pleasure. “You don’t know what you’re missing. He’s alone in this one.” She leaned closer, adding in a stage whisper, “The man has talent.”
“Uh-huh,” Trish agreed, nodding like a sage. “No costars this time. Just him, going all in. It’s… impressive.”
You clutched the edge of your desk, mentally scrambling for any kind of response that would shut them down without revealing the secret you swore you’d take to the grave: that Sergeant Barnes was actually your neighbor.
You swallowed, managing to squeak out, “You know we’re in an office, right? As in, the place we do work?”
“Oh please, don’t act like you’re all professional now!” Trish smirked, crossing her arms as she gave you a knowing look. “You were all too eager to do some ‘research’ when we told you about him the first time.”
“Yeah!” Amy joined in, her grin absolutely diabolical. “You should be thanking us! The way you’re looking right now, I’d bet you already took a look this morning.”
You spluttered, mortified. “No! I mean, of course not! It’s just—this is… inappropriate.”
Amy snorted, clearly unconvinced. “Uh-huh, sure. And here I thought you had a little curiosity.”
You glared, fully prepared to tell them off, but Amy cut in first, smirking as she leaned over your desk.
“C’mon, Y/N, it’s just us girls. Tell me you don’t have some curiosity about what the man can do when it’s just him and the camera.”
You felt the heat rise in your cheeks, struggling to keep your cool. “No, I’m not curious! Not at all. And maybe you two shouldn’t be either, because, oh, I don’t know… WE ARE AT WORK!”
They both cracked up, sharing a delighted high-five as you buried your face in your hands, praying for the ground to open up and swallow you.
“Oh, we’re just messing with you,” Trish said, barely holding back laughter. “But seriously, girl… you look like you need to unwind. Maybe with a drink or… you know… a little quality screen time?”
“Or maybe someone live and in-person?” Amy chimed in, waggling her eyebrows.
You groaned, face down on your desk, cursing the fact that they would never, ever know the full story.
× × × ×
You stepped into the lobby, utterly drained from the day, just as the elevator doors began to slide shut. Without a second thought, you bolted, slipping in right before they closed. Only then did you realize the universe was playing tricks on you.
Because standing right there, with a half-smirk on his face and way too much knowing mischief in his eyes, was Bucky. Alone.
You froze, instantly regretting every choice that had led to this moment. But it was too late now, so you plastered on a polite smile and tried not to look like a deer caught in headlights.
Bucky’s eyes twinkled as he took you in, leaning casually against the side of the elevator as he said, “Tired?”
You laughed, and before you could stop it, the laugh turned into a borderline deranged chuckle.
“Oh, yes, thank you very much,” you replied, sarcasm slipping out before you could rein it in. Then, muttering under your breath but clearly audible, you added, “Maybe keep it down too… in the morning.”
He chuckled, looking way too amused. “Sorry about that. Work, you know? She, uh… went home right after, don’t worry.”
Your face went flaming hot, and you whipped your head to look straight ahead, pressing your lips together like that would somehow save you from this horror.
“Oh, you don’t… you don’t have to explain it to me,” you stammered, feeling like your cheeks were practically on fire. “I’m not worried.”
The smirk only widened. “Good to know.” He leaned in just a little, adding, “I wouldn’t want to keep you up… unintentionally.”
You choked, your hand flying up to cover your mouth as you let out a mortified laugh that you could barely stop from turning into a squeak. Just get to your floor, just get to your floor… you chanted internally, keeping your gaze laser-focused on the elevator doors.
But you could feel him watching you, could practically feel the amusement radiating off him as you tried to pretend that your life hadn’t just devolved into a rom-com nightmare.
Finally—finally—the elevator dinged at your floor. You stepped out, sighing with relief, only for Bucky to step out right behind you.
“Hey,” he called, making you pause and turn reluctantly. He was smiling, hands casually shoved into his pockets as he looked you over. “Are you coming to the rooftop pool party this weekend?”
“No,” you replied flatly, the answer escaping before you could even pretend to think about it.
He laughed, clearly not deterred. “Aw, come on. You sure? It’ll be fun.”
You shook your head vigorously, waving him off. “No, no, I’m good. I’m… not much of a party person.”
“Really?” he replied, stepping a little closer, his smile turning into something dangerously persuasive. “It’s just neighbors hanging out, not some crazy nightclub thing. Good music, food… probably no loud… work, either.”
You glared, suppressing an eye roll as he gave you a wink. “I’ll pass, thanks.”
“Oh, come on,” he said, still grinning. “If you don’t show up, who am I going to talk to about all the ‘work’ complaints?”
You stifled a laugh, trying to maintain your resolve. “Pretty sure there are other people you can bother with that.”
“But none of them have your… constructive feedback,” he replied, his gaze dropping to the floor as he pretended to look shy. “And honestly, I need someone to keep me in check. I’m a handful at parties. Who else is going to stop me from climbing onto tables?”
You snorted, crossing your arms as you tried not to crack a smile. “I highly doubt you’re a handful at a pool party.”
He raised an eyebrow, challenging you. “Come and find out.”
You looked away, shaking your head but feeling the corners of your mouth tug upward. “Bucky, I’m not going.”
“So, you’re saying you’ll leave me up there with all these people who… don’t know me as well as you do?” He tilted his head, giving you a mock-pout.
Your face turned red, and you sputtered, “I don’t know you! I barely know you!”
“Oh, so all those research sessions weren’t exactly getting to know me?” he replied, grinning as he watched you turn an even deeper shade of crimson.
“You—ugh, you’re impossible,” you muttered, finally laughing despite yourself.
“That’s what everyone says,” he said, his voice softening just a little as he held your gaze. “Come on, Y/N. I promise, no loud work. I’ll even save you a spot.”
You sighed, feeling the last bit of resistance crumble. “Fine. But only for an hour.”
He beamed, triumphant. “Deal. And who knows? Maybe we’ll find something to actually talk about… outside of work.”
You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the way your heart did a little flip. This is going to be a disaster, you thought. But somehow, you didn’t mind as much as you thought you would.
× × × ×
The weekend took forever to arrive, but somehow, you survived it—mostly by avoiding Bucky and doing your best not to think about that ridiculously intriguing video he’d hinted at. Nope, not even a peek. It was your own personal victory, though it took every ounce of willpower you had.
And now, here you were, standing at the rooftop entrance, mentally psyching yourself up. You’d put on a two-piece swimsuit under a white sheer cover-up, feeling only slightly self-conscious as you stepped out. Only because you hated drawing attention to your body.
The party was already in full swing, a mix of upbeat music and laughter filling the air. You scanned the crowd for a certain troublemaking neighbor, but no sign of him. Great, you thought, rolling your eyes. Bucky drags me up here, then vanishes like an ass. Typical.
You made a beeline for an empty lounge chair, setting down your bag and towel, hoping you’d have a chance to relax before anyone else noticed you. But just as you were about to sit, a deep voice called out.
“Hey there!”
You turned to see an equally impressive figure—a tall, muscular guy with a sun-kissed smile, striding over with a confident swagger.
“I’m Johnny,” he said, flashing a grin as he handed you a cold glass of beer. “Welcome to the party.”
“Oh! Thanks,” you said, taking the glass, feeling only slightly overwhelmed by all the testosterone on this rooftop. “Nice to meet you, Johnny.”
“Likewise,” he said, eyes flicking over you with the appreciation of someone who knew exactly what he was looking at. “Didn’t expect to see a new face up here. I know most of the regulars.”
“Yeah, I… usually keep to myself,” you admitted, suddenly feeling awkward under his gaze.
“Well, glad you’re here,” he said smoothly, gesturing to a chair beside yours. “Mind if I join you?”
Before you could answer, another familiar voice cut through the air, low and unmistakably amused. “Johnny.”
You turned slowly, bracing yourself for whatever cocky look Bucky had in store, but when you finally laid eyes on him, your brain just… stopped. No thoughts, head empty, because the second he strolled into view, you swore you heard the sultry opening saxophone of Careless Whisper start playing, echoing dramatically in your head like some corny, slow-motion rom-com entrance.
He moved in perfect sync to the imaginary music in your head, each step more absurdly cinematic than the last. This can’t be happening, you thought, but somehow, there he was—tan skin, swim trunks slung just right, and that damn casual shirt hanging open over his shoulders. The man looked like a vacation ad, except he was bringing you dangerously close to a heatstroke.
As he got closer, the sax solo in your mind reached ridiculous, life-altering levels of intensity. Why do you have to look like this? you thought, nearly choking on the vision before you. Bucky’s smirk turned into something almost smug, like he knew exactly what effect he was having, as if he, too, could hear the George Michael anthem of seduction playing in your head. You half-expected him to whip out an actual saxophone and start serenading you right there.
You swallowed, barely keeping yourself from drooling, and willed yourself to stay composed. Get a grip, you told yourself, though you were about 98% certain your jaw was on the verge of dropping.
“Sorry, Johnny,” he said smoothly, not even glancing at the other guy. “I think she already has company.”
You quickly tried to compose yourself, forcing a neutral expression as you willed your face not to betray the sheer catastrophe your brain was going through.
“Oh, hey, Bucky,” you said, hoping your voice didn’t sound as strangled as you felt. Inside, you were practically screaming. Why do you have to look like a freaking Greek god, Barnes? It’s rude, honestly.
Johnny raised an eyebrow, his eyes flicking between the two of you, clearly picking up on the tension. “You two know each other?”
Bucky leaned casually against the lounge chair next to yours, flashing a grin that practically oozed mischief.
“You could say that. She’s my neighbor,” he said, his tone implying… well, all sorts of things. You immediately knew that everyone within earshot was definitely getting the wrong idea. “And I’ve been trying to get her to come out of her shell for a while now.”
Come out of her shell? You wanted to throttle him. But before you could retort, Johnny, ever the gentleman, just gave you a knowing wink and clapped Bucky on the shoulder.
“Well, guess I’ll let you take over, then,” he said, sauntering off with an amused smile.
You sighed, turning to face Bucky, who looked all too pleased with himself as he settled in beside you, stretching out like he owned the place.
“So, you made it,” he said, taking a leisurely sip of his drink as his eyes did a once-over that was a little too thorough.
“Yep,” you replied, your voice barely concealing your exasperation. “I showed up, just like I said I would. Where were you?”
He shrugged, that stupid smirk still plastered on his face. “Was just giving you a chance to make some new friends,” he said, his tone way too casual.
You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of the beer Johnny had given you. “Please. You just love making an entrance.”
He chuckled, clinking his glass with yours. “Can’t say you’re wrong about that.”
As he leaned back, his gaze lingered a little too long, making your cheeks heat up.
“Nice cover-up, by the way,” he commented, smirk widening. “It’s… modest.”
You shot him a look, feeling suddenly self-conscious about the sheer fabric draped over your swimsuit. “Why, thank you. That was kind of the point.”
“Yeah?” he replied, his voice dropping just a notch. “Shame, though. Bet that swimsuit’s got a whole lot of personality under there.”
You practically choked on your drink, coughing as you glared at him. “You’re such a flirt, Barnes.”
He chuckled, clearly unbothered by your reaction. “Hey, just saying what everyone’s thinking.”
You settled back in your chair, determined not to let him get the upper hand. But as you sat there, pretending to ignore him, you couldn’t shake the feeling that, despite everything, you were enjoying this game just as much as he was.
You took a deep breath, narrowing your eyes at Bucky, who was looking far too pleased with himself.
“Like I said, just one hour,” you told him firmly, crossing your arms as if that would somehow fortify your resolve against whatever mischievous plans he undoubtedly had.
He raised an eyebrow, his smirk turning even more devilish. “Oh, I’m sure an hour will be more than enough.”
You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “For what? So you can drive me insane and then sit back and enjoy the show?”
He chuckled, leaning a little closer, and you felt your heart rate spike. “Maybe. But I was thinking more along the lines of just… keeping you entertained.”
“Oh, I’m plenty entertained, thanks,” you shot back, trying to sound unimpressed despite the heat creeping up your neck.
He shrugged, unfazed, and settled back into his lounge chair.
“Good. Then let’s make it the best hour of your week,” he said, flashing you a wink that sent a new wave of exasperation—and, annoyingly, a bit of excitement—through you.
You huffed, shaking your head as you took a sip of your drink, determined not to let him see just how much that smirk was affecting you. Just one hour, you reminded yourself. What could possibly happen in one hour?
As you and Bucky settled into a strange, almost comfortable silence, you heard a booming voice from across the pool.
“CHICKEN FIGHT!” Johnny’s voice rang out, loud and enthusiastic, immediately grabbing everyone’s attention.
You whipped your head around, eyes widening. Johnny was wading into the pool, rallying everyone like some kind of pool party commander. “Come on! Everyone in! We need two teams!”
“Oh, no,” you muttered under your breath, instinctively shrinking into your lounge chair, hoping you’d be overlooked in the shuffle. Absolutely not happening, you thought, clutching your drink like a lifeline.
But Bucky, of course, was already grinning ear to ear. He turned to you, his eyes gleaming with excitement and mischief.
“You heard him,” he said, patting your shoulder like this was some team-building exercise. “We’re going in.”
“What? No!” you hissed, clutching your drink tighter as if that would save you. “I didn’t sign up for a chicken fight. I’m just here for moral support.”
Bucky laughed, standing up and stretching in that way that only he could pull off without looking ridiculous.
“Oh, come on,” he said, flashing you that smug, challenging grin. “Afraid of a little friendly competition?”
You shook your head, digging your heels in. “Nope. Not happening. And it’s not friendly—it’s dangerous!”
“Oh, don’t be such a chicken.” His smirk widened, and then, with a theatrical sigh, he added, “Guess I’ll just have to find someone braver.”
Your jaw dropped. “Oh, you’re really going to play that card?”
He shrugged, glancing around with feigned disappointment. “Guess so. Shame though. I thought you could handle it.”
It was the final straw. With an exasperated groan, you threw down your drink and stood up.
“Fine! I’ll do it.” The second the words left your mouth, you instantly regretted them, especially as you saw Bucky’s smirk morph into full-blown satisfaction.
“Perfect,” he said, clearly thrilled with himself.
You sighed, slipping off your sheer cover-up, feeling a sudden self-consciousness as you stood there in just your swimsuit. Bucky’s gaze flicked over you with open admiration, his grin widening just a bit. You forced yourself to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, rolling your eyes at his blatant staring.
“Enjoying the view?” you deadpanned.
“Oh, absolutely,” he replied without missing a beat, his eyes twinkling. “But we’ve got a fight to win.”
Before you could second-guess your decision, he grabbed your hand and pulled you toward the pool. Johnny spotted the two of you and cheered, pumping his fist in the air. “Yes! We got a team! Bucky and… Y/N, right?”
You forced a smile, giving him a thumbs-up while silently planning your escape route. But before you knew it, you were waist-deep in the water, Bucky hoisting you up with surprising ease, positioning you on his shoulders.
“Oh my god, this is insane,” you muttered, gripping onto his head for balance as he adjusted to your weight. “I feel like a five-year-old at a theme park.”
“Just hold on,” he chuckled, steadying himself under you. “I’ve got you.”
Your heart skipped a beat as his hands firmly held your thighs, and suddenly, this was a whole new level of intense. Focus on the fight, not the incredibly attractive man holding you in the pool, you told yourself, cheeks flaming.
Johnny waded over with his partner—a muscular, tattooed guy named Jake who was definitely taking this way too seriously.
“Ready to lose, Barnes?” Jake taunted, grinning up at you.
Bucky chuckled, his hands tightening on your legs just slightly. “Not a chance.”
“Alright, you’re up top!” Johnny yelled, clapping his hands. “Let’s see what you’ve got!”
You barely had time to brace yourself before Jake and his partner charged at you, water splashing everywhere as they made their move. Instinctively, you shrieked, grabbing onto Bucky’s hair for dear life as the force of the impact sent you both wobbling.
“Easy on the hair!” Bucky grunted, though he was laughing, his shoulders steadying beneath you as he held his ground.
“Oh, sorry!” you gasped, adjusting your grip. But before you could even catch your breath, Jake’s partner was lunging at you again, arms flailing as he tried to knock you off balance.
“Oh, no you don’t!” you muttered, your competitive spirit kicking in. You threw your hands out, grabbing his wrists and pushing back with everything you had, determined to hold your ground.
“Yeah, that’s it!” Bucky cheered from below, his laughter bubbling up as he shifted to help keep you steady. “Show ‘em what you’ve got!”
Fueled by his encouragement—and a surprising amount of adrenaline—you leaned forward, pushing against Jake’s partner with all your strength. The guy’s face twisted in concentration, but with one final shove, you managed to throw him off balance. He teetered, arms flailing, before finally toppling backward into the water with a massive splash.
“Yes!” you shouted, punching the air triumphantly as Johnny and Jake went down in a flurry of water and defeat. “Suck on that!”
The words had barely left your mouth when reality crashed back in. You blinked, suddenly realizing that maybe—just maybe—you’d gotten a little too carried away. Oh god, did I really just shout that? you thought, the heat rushing to your cheeks as your triumphant grin quickly turned into a sheepish smile.
“Well, look at you,” Bucky chuckled from below, clearly amused by your victory-induced outburst. “Didn’t know you had it in you.”
“Yeah, well… neither did I,” you muttered, feeling the embarrassment settling in as you tried to slide off his shoulders, desperate to save whatever shred of dignity you had left. But as you started to wriggle down, you realized Bucky’s hands were still firmly gripping your thighs, holding you in place.
You froze, looking down at him. “Uh, Bucky… you can, you know… let go now.”
He glanced up, smirking. “Oh, but you’re comfortable up there. Why rush it?”
You huffed, your face going a deeper shade of red. “Because I’m very much done being the human flagpole, thank you very much.”
Bucky’s grin only widened as he kept his hold, clearly enjoying the situation far more than he should. “Nah, I think I like you right where you are. Adds a bit of… height to my reputation.”
“Oh my god,” you groaned, feeling your mortification level spike. “If you don’t let me down, I swear I’ll—”
“Fine, fine,” he laughed, finally loosening his grip, letting you slide back into the water. But just as your feet touched down, he didn’t back away—instead, he shifted closer, his hands still lingering on your waist, his gaze locking onto yours with a look that sent your pulse racing.
You took a half-step back, but there was no real room to escape, not with the edge of the pool just behind you and Bucky’s broad frame in front, all mischief and steady, unbreakable eye contact.
“You know,” he murmured, his voice low, “you could stay longer.”
Your breath hitched as Bucky leaned just the slightest bit closer, his hands still warm and steady on your waist, his smirk turning softer yet somehow more intense. Every nerve in your body seemed to jolt to life as he held your gaze.
You cleared your throat, attempting to find your voice amid the chaos of your thoughts.
“Uh… stay longer? For what?” you managed, trying to sound casual, though your pulse was anything but.
His smirk grew, the corners of his mouth lifting in that way that was dangerously charming.
“For the victory lap, of course,” he murmured, his voice just above a whisper. “After all, we did just crush the competition. Wouldn’t want you running off too fast.”
“Oh, right, a victory lap,” you muttered, trying to regain your composure but finding it difficult with his hands still lingering on your waist. “But I think the whole pool just watched that ‘lap’…”
“Then they got a good show,” he chuckled, his voice warm with that teasing tone you were starting to know all too well. “But the best part of winning is savoring it… right here.”
Your face went hot as his fingers brushed slightly against your sides, sending a little spark of energy straight up your spine.
“Bucky,” you said, the word barely a whisper. “You’re… awfully close.”
“Oh, am I?” He didn’t back away; instead, he raised a brow, clearly enjoying your flustered reaction. “Didn’t hear you complaining when you were up there, champ.”
Your cheeks went impossibly warmer. “That was different. That was, you know… competitive. Strategic.”
“Competitive and strategic?” he echoed, his grin turning almost wicked. “Well, in that case…” He shifted his hands slightly, bringing you even closer as he leaned in. “Let’s see if you’re still competitive outside the game.”
He hovered just a breath away, his gaze flickering to your lips for a moment that felt like an eternity. You felt yourself leaning in almost on instinct, your pulse racing, and for one wild, heart-stopping second, it seemed like he might actually kiss you.
But then, as if on cue, someone nearby let out a loud, obnoxious cheer, snapping both of you out of the moment. The sound jolted you, and you quickly took a step back, breaking the tension as reality crashed in.
Bucky chuckled softly, looking slightly too smug as he let his hands fall from your waist.
“Guess that victory lap will have to wait,” he murmured, giving you one last look that promised he wasn’t quite finished with his teasing yet.
You swallowed, desperately trying to get your heart rate back to normal. “Yeah, guess so.”
As the night went on, you’d lost count of how many concoction drinks had been handed to you, and at this point, your usual sense of caution was practically nonexistent. The rooftop was a haze of laughter, lights, and music, and the whole place felt like it was buzzing with energy. Any embarrassment from earlier had dissolved into pure, uninhibited confidence, each drink making you feel bolder than the last.
One minute, you were in a drinking game, cheering Bucky on as he took down a round of shots like it was nothing. The next, you found yourself in a game of truth or dare that had somehow escalated into body shots. You’d laughed, nearly choking on your drink, when you saw Bucky sprawled out on a table, daring you with that infuriating grin to take your turn.
“Oh, come on, that's not fair,” you slurred, trying to wave off the dare as he raised an eyebrow, that smug look firmly in place.
“Back out now if you can’t handle it,” he teased, lying back and folding his arms behind his head, acting like he hadn’t a care in the world.
The crowd cheered you on, and fueled by liquid courage, you rolled your eyes and leaned down, pressing your lips to his abs, feeling his warm skin under your touch as you took the shot in a quick, heated moment. His laughter mingled with the cheers around you, and you couldn’t help but feel a rush from the attention, from his gaze, from the heat spreading across your face.
Before you knew it, you were in a round of flip cup with Bucky as your teammate, and he downed his drink, slamming his cup down with a victorious shout. He grabbed you by the waist, lifting you up and spinning you around, both of you laughing so hard you could barely stand straight when he finally set you down.
Somehow, you ended up on the makeshift dance floor, music thumping as the party around you roared on, the lights around the rooftop pool casting a glow over everyone. You’d danced with other people throughout the night, but Bucky seemed to have a way of drawing you back, his energy magnetic, his laughter contagious. It was like he was everywhere you turned, keeping pace with you, matching every laugh and smirk with one of his own.
The music thumped, lights flashed, and the DJ’s voice blared over the speakers, “Alright, party people! Here’s the deal—find someone you want to… get close to tonight and give them a kiss, a hug, heck, even a lick if you’re feeling bold!”
Everyone around you burst into cheers and laughter, the party’s energy wild and reckless. By now, you were buzzing on so much liquid courage that everything felt like the best idea ever, including the fact that you were swaying against Bucky, who’d somehow stayed by your side all night.
He leaned in, his smirk way too mischievous, and the alcohol made it feel impossibly close.
“Did you hear that?” he slurred, barely keeping the laughter out of his voice. “I think it’d be a shame if we ignore the DJ’s request don’t you?”
You rolled your eyes, trying to brush it off, but he just grinned wider, leaning in until his cheek was practically pressed against yours.
“Hold still,” he whispered, a laugh lurking in his voice.
Then, in a move so outrageous you could barely comprehend it, he dragged his tongue slowly from your chin up to your forehead.
“Bucky!” you shrieked, stumbling back and half falling over yourself, laughter bubbling out of you as you clutched your face in shock. “Oh my god, you did not just—”
He stepped back, looking beyond pleased with himself, the grin on his face pure, unfiltered pride.
“What? I’m just being… obedient,” he slurred, raising his hands in mock innocence.
“You are the worst!” you squealed, laughing so hard you could barely keep it together, grabbing his arm as you steadied yourself, still half in disbelief. He just chuckled, clearly reveling in your reaction as he pulled you right back into the rhythm, your laughter mixing with the cheers around you as the dance floor pulsed with music.
They cranked up the music, and suddenly, the beat was all around you, pulsing through the crowd, as if daring everyone to let loose. The energy was infectious, and you found yourself moving in sync with him, laughing as you danced together, every touch and sway between you crackling with a chemistry that had been simmering all night.
Without thinking, you stepped closer, your hands drifting to his chest, letting your fingers splay against the warm, solid muscle. Your movements grew slower, more deliberate, and his hands instinctively found your waist, pulling you against him until there was barely any space left between you. His gaze dropped, glued on your lips, and you felt a shiver run through you, your breath hitching as he leaned in, his face just inches from yours. His nose brushed yours, and you looked up to meet his gaze, seeing the same surprised intensity reflected in his eyes.
Bucky held your gaze, his breath mingling with yours, and you could feel the tension building, electric and undeniable. He was waiting—leaving the next move up to you. If you wanted him, you knew he’d let you take him.
🎶Just let me know, can you be the one to hold and not let me go?🎶
Heart pounding, you somehow managed to press yourself even closer, feeling the swell of your chest against him, igniting a flush across his cheeks. But it wasn’t embarrassment you saw in his eyes—it was heat, a look that sent a thrill down your spine. His hand shifted, his fingers tracing along the curve of your hip, and you could feel the strength of his grip as he held you.
🎶I need to know, could you be the one to call when I lose control?🎶
The tension was unbearable, and as you tilted your face up, your lips brushed his in the softest, most hesitant caress—a question, an invitation. His resolve crumbled instantly. His hand slid to your waist, gripping the flesh there as his other hand threaded into your hair, guiding your head back so he could kiss you deeper, tasting you with an intensity that left you breathless. You let out a startled, breathless sound, and he responded by pulling you closer, cradling your face as if you were something precious, something he couldn’t bear to let go of.
Your lips parted for him, and he kissed you with a hunger that had been building for some time. His tongue traced yours, swallowing your quiet moans, anchoring you to him as his hand kept you steady. It wasn’t forceful, just… tender, like he was holding something priceless.
Your breaths came heavy, your cheeks flushed, but you barely noticed; all you could feel was him, his touch, his heartbeat pounding against yours, and the fire in his veins matching your own. In that moment, propriety, the crowd around you, everything else faded into oblivion. If he wanted you to take him right there, you couldn’t even think of saying no.
Every nerve in your body was alive, tingling with an incredible sense of lust and need as his arms held you close. His lips pressed harder, deepening the kiss, his passion and intensity only spurring you to match it. You melted against him, completely consumed by the heat and need between you, and for those moments, it was as if nothing else existed. Oxygen became secondary; the only thing that mattered was the connection between you, growing more fervent with each second.
Finally, when the need for air became overwhelming, you both broke apart, gasping, your faces inches from each other, breaths mingling as you took each other in. His lips tingled, mirroring your own, and every beat of your heart seemed to urge you back into his embrace.
“Let’s get out of here… yours or mine?” Bucky stammered between breaths, his voice husky, his eyes still filled with fire. His body radiated heat, and he looked like he’d dive into the pool at any second just to cool down.
“Mine,” you whispered, your voice breathless, cheeks flushed, a shy smile tugging at your lips as you held his gaze.
× × × ×
You both barely made it down the hallway before the urgency hit, the tension that had been building all night finally snapping. Bucky’s hands were everywhere—gripping your waist, pulling you against him as you fumbled for your keys, the both of you practically tripping over each other in your haste. As soon as you managed to unlock the door, you pushed it open, stumbling inside, his mouth crashing into yours before it even closed behind you.
Wetness pooled inside you, the need for him overwhelming as you pressed back against the door, his body meeting yours in a frenzy of heat and desperation. His stubble scraped against your skin, rough and deliciously manly, a reminder that he was all raw power and intensity. You loved it, the way it scratched against your cheek, adding to the thrill and making your skin tingle wherever he touched.
His lips found the side of your neck, warm and insistent as he kissed his way down, nipping softly, each touch leaving you breathless. You tilted your head back, giving him more access, exposing the full length of your neck to his hungry mouth. His hands slid up your sides, his fingers pressing in firmly, possessively, as his teeth grazed your skin, sending a jolt of electricity through you.
“God,” he murmured against your skin, his voice rough with desire. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”
You could only gasp, clutching onto him as his mouth moved up to your jaw, his hands never stilling, gripping you as if he couldn’t bear to let go. Bucky reached a hand up and placed it on your left breast, over the bikini top, and then brought his hand up to the back of your neck to pull you in closer to him. You undid the straps of your top, and down fell the top, exposing your naked breasts to him.
Holy shit—this can’t be real. Am I hallucinating? Is this actually happening? Wait—oh god, is he about to put my boobs in his mouth?!
Like a hungry child desperate for milk Bucky suckled on your nipple, squeezing the bottom of your breast passionately with one hand, and holding the other breast in his other hand. You looked down at him, licking, sucking, rubbing, and he looked as though he was transported to paradise.
He worked himself into a frenzy playing with your breast, until he wanted more. He lifted you up under your thighs, off the floor, and pressed your back against the wall.
Oh shit!
He kissed you again, his hand sliding down to press against you over your bikini bottom. With a quick, desperate motion, he tugged the fabric to the side, his fingers brushing bare skin, making your breath hitch.
As his hand cupped you, he began to move slowly, his fingers exploring, teasing. “Damn,” he murmured, his voice thick with surprise and satisfaction. “You’re so wet. Is this what happens every time you watch my videos?”
“M-maybe…” you stammered, cheeks heating, barely able to meet his eyes as a grin spread across his face.
His fingers slid inside you, moving with a slow, deliberate rhythm, each motion sending sparks through your entire body. He leaned in, his breath hot against your ear as he asked, “How many times have you touched yourself thinking about me?”
You bit your lip, trying to hold back a moan as he continued, each movement intensifying the heat pooling inside you.
“Mmmh—why would I tell you that?” you managed, trying to sound teasing but barely able to keep your voice steady.
His grin widened, a mischievous glint in his eyes as his fingers pressed deeper, his thumb brushing against you just right. “Because I want to hear every filthy detail.”
He kissed your other nipple, the one he missed when before. Bucky always gave equal time to the breasts. Suckling on one nipple, fingering you harder and harder, you were getting more and more excited for the moment he would penetrate you.
“Oh my god—” You swallowed, feeling your face heat up and you could feel yourself slightly sobering up. With a nervous laugh, you finally gave in, your voice soft but steady.
“Fine… sometimes, late at night—ah—I’d imagine you between my legs, devouring me like your life depended on it,” you whispered, feeling your cheeks burn. “I’d—fuck—I’d think about your hands, the way they’d feel inside me, moving exactly like this…mmmh,” you gasped as his fingers pressed deeper, your own words sparking the desire between you.
His fingers never stopped their steady, torturous rhythm, each movement deliberate, coaxing you toward the edge with a patience that was as maddening as it was intoxicating.
“And? That’s it?” he asked, his tone thick with amusement, daring you to reveal more. His thumb brushed against you in just the right way, as if encouraging you to keep talking, to give him every last detail he was craving.
“And—hah—I’d picture you… spitting in my mouth while you’re turning me on, you’d put your hand on my neck while I beg you to i dunno? reorganize my guts—because you’re so big Bucky. . . I don’t think you’ll fit inside me.”
“Oh the innocent looking ones are always the dirtiest.” Bucky’s smirk turned darker, his fingers pressing into you with a newfound intensity, his digits hooking and pressing into your most sensitive spot, causing your hips to jerk against his palm.
“And was I just as good in your imagination as I am now?” he murmured, voice low and rough, sending shivers straight down your spine.
“Yes… yes…” The words left your lips almost involuntarily, your hands gripping his shoulders as your nails dug in, grounding yourself against the overwhelming sensation. Your face twisted with pleasure, each stroke of his digits making it harder to catch your breath.
Bucky’s eyes darkened with a fierce satisfaction as he watched you, his smirk deepening. “Better than you imagined?”
"Mhhm," you tried to respond, but it came out more like a needy moan, your voice barely a whisper under the intensity of his touch.
Bucky's smirk grew at the sound, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction as he took in every reaction, every tremble. "That’s what I thought," he murmured, his voice dark and teasing.
Bucky carried you through the open door of your bedroom, his movements purposeful, every touch sending sparks across your skin. When he reached the edge of the bed, he lowered you onto the mattress, but before letting you go, he bent down to capture your lips in a kiss—a kiss that felt as intimate as it did electrifying.
You couldn’t help but notice the difference; this was something he never did in his videos. Bucky never kissed anyone on the lips on screen. But here, he kissed you slowly, deeply.
His hands moved to your shoulders, firm but gentle as he guided you back into the soft downy mattress. “There you go, baby,” he murmured, his voice warm and low. “Lean back.”
He knelt down at the side of the bed. He pulled off your panties, the final barrier to your sex. He pushed your legs apart and back, and gazed at your pussy, already wet for him.
He stared at your exposed pussy for ten seconds, admiring it like it was the greatest work of art he had ever seen.
"Your pussy," he said, his lips nearly brushing your sex. "It's beautiful.”
You lifted your head up and looked at him. Your jaw was dropped and you were already starting to feel tingles up your body, even though he hadn't licked you yet. You heard his breathing get heavier and heavier, he was so excited to put his lips on your pussy.
Two large fingers of his left hand spread your lips. Two large fingers of his right hand rubbed your clit in strong circles. Each circle sends a shock wave through your body.
"You smell fantastic," he declared, and he dove his mouth right on top of your wet and stimulated clit. Up and down he licked. Up and down, his mouth clasped tight against your pussy.
"Oh," you moaned, as your eyes rolled up to the back of your head. Your arms—with a mind of their own—grabbed the back of your thighs and lifted them back, presenting yourself to this man who used to be on the screen and was now bringing you to ecstasy. He'd only just started to lick you, but even so you felt ready for him to enter you and never leave.
As Bucky continued to eat you like you’re his last meal, each suction sending thrills through you, a sudden wave of doubt crashed over you, freezing you in place. Images flooded your mind—women he’d been with, all effortlessly beautiful, the kind who exuded confidence and allure. How could you compare? This had to be nothing more than another fleeting thing for him, a “friendship” that would end the moment the night was over.
You tensed, your hands moving to gently push him back. “Bucky… wait,” you managed, your voice barely above a whisper.
He looked up from between your legs, his expression softening instantly as he met your gaze.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice gentle, concerned.
“I… I just…” You stammered, the words getting caught in your throat before you finally managed, “I don’t want to be… one of your girls.”
Bucky blinked, taken aback, his expression shifting as if the words had struck something unexpected, almost offended.
“One of my girls?”
You nodded, biting your lip as you searched for the right way to explain. “I… I don’t do one-night stands,” you admitted, feeling vulnerable.
Bucky nodded slowly, his tongue pressing into his cheek as he rose to his feet. "Mhm—no, I get it... it's because of my job," he said, his tone carrying a hint of defensiveness.
You sat up, noticing the shift in his demeanor. "Are you mad?" you asked softly, uncertainty creeping into your voice.
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not mad," he replied, though his clenched jaw suggested otherwise. "I just didn't think you'd see me that way."
"See you what way?" you pressed gently.
He met your gaze, his eyes reflecting a mix of frustration and vulnerability. "Like I'm some guy who just goes around collecting flings," he explained. "I thought you knew me better than that."
You swallowed, choosing your words carefully. “It's not that I think poorly of you,” you said. “It's just... your work makes things complicated for me. I don't want to be another notch on anyone's belt.”
He took a deep breath, his expression softening. “I understand where you're coming from,” he admitted. “But believe me when I say that this—” he gestured between the two of you “—is different for me.”
“How do I know that?” you asked quietly.
He stepped closer, his eyes sincere. “Because I don't share moments like this with just anyone,” he said. “You think I go around kissing people like that? Off-camera, in my real life?”
Bucky’s expression shifted, his brows knitting together as he crossed his arms, clearly growing more frustrated. “I thought you knew the difference between who I am on-camera and who I am off it,” he replied, his tone clipped.
You sighed, trying to hold your ground. “Bucky, you’re the one who kept teasing me to watch your videos, practically encouraging me to make it my new hobby—how am I supposed to ignore what you do?”
He scoffed, running a hand through his hair in irritation. “Because those videos aren’t me,” he said, voice rising. “You’re acting like everything I do there is just some extension of my personal life, but it’s a job, Y/N. I don’t go around living like that off-set.”
You crossed your arms, not caring that the blanket had slipped off, leaving you bare before him.
“And I’m supposed to just... pretend that all of it doesn’t mean anything?” you shot back, feeling a twinge of vulnerability but refusing to let it show. “You kept making those jokes, those comments—you have to see how confusing it is for me.”
He took a step closer, his eyes narrowing. “And you think I just do that with everyone? That every person who walks into my life gets these... moments with me?” His gaze softened slightly as he gestured between the two of you. “If that were the case, do you think I’d be here, right now, trying to convince you?”
You opened your mouth to reply, but the words caught in your throat. His intensity was throwing you off balance, forcing you to question your assumptions. You’d expected him to brush this off or laugh, not take it to heart.
He shook his head, a frustrated laugh escaping him. “You don’t get it, do you?” He looked at you, his eyes full of something you couldn’t quite name. “I don’t have to be here, fighting for this. I could have walked away and yet here I am.”
You swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in your throat as the weight of his words settled heavily between you. The intensity of his gaze, the raw honesty in his voice—it was all too much, too fast, and yet it tugged at something deep inside you, making it impossible to brush off. But your heart was pounding, confusion and vulnerability swirling together, and you weren’t ready to face everything his words were unearthing.
“I… I think we should call it a night,” you said quietly, barely able to meet his gaze, the words coming out softer than you intended.
For a moment, he looked at you, his expression unreadable, and you could see him processing your response. Then, with a quiet sigh, he nodded, stepping back to give you space.
“Alright,” he replied, his voice subdued. “If that’s what you want.”
The room felt suddenly colder, the tension between you now tinged with a quiet ache. You could tell he was holding back more that he wanted to say, but he respected your decision, his expression guarded as he looked away.
You bit your lip, your mind racing with things you couldn’t bring yourself to say, with emotions you weren’t quite ready to admit.
“Thank you… for understanding,” you managed, feeling the weight of your choice settle over you.
He gave a small nod, his jaw tight, before he turned toward the door.
“Goodnight, Y/N,” he said softly, pausing for a moment as if hoping you might change your mind, before finally leaving your apartment, the main door shutting made you flinch even though Bucky closed it softly.
The silence that followed felt heavier than you expected. The tension that had filled the room moments ago lingered, and a wave of frustration washed over you, mixing with regret and uncertainty. You took a shaky breath, running a hand through your hair before letting out a long, exhausted sigh.
Without thinking, you grabbed the nearest pillow, buried your face into it, and let out a muffled scream, releasing all the emotions you couldn’t quite put into words. The pillow absorbed the sound, but it did nothing to ease the twist of emotions churning inside you. Finally, you pulled the pillow away, feeling just as conflicted as before, wondering if you’d made the right choice… or a terrible mistake.
tags: @bohoooitsme @barnescamboy @strangefunthornqueen @mayusenpai666 @seven0714
@rabbitrabbit12321 @alexsl-universe @xunquish-blog @hzdhrtss @winchestert101
@alyana-luvs-u @itsbuckysworld
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Yang asks out Jaune since she fell in love with him, but he declines since he likes her sister Ruby. However instead of being mad, she laughs since she thinks it is cute that he thinks that he prefers her little sister over her.
Time for Yang to show Jaune that she is the sexier sister, and to do that she will give him a titjob that will make him feel like he is going to paradise.
"What a day" jaune groaned as he made his why through Atlas academy halls.
Desipte how easy it sounds, crossing guard duty was alot more stressful than anyone let on and Jaune's seen most of it. While he did enjoy working with the kids, he didn't appreciate some of the drivers he came across, the occassional racist prick, and the creeps who eyed the kids. But seeing the kids smile, and their mother's appreciation was enough reward, though the moms did seems a little too flirty at times. Now, sll he wants to do is kick back and relax with Ruby for a night one the town.
As he trunged through the hall, he came across Yang in one of the training room battling some combat drones. She wore a yellow sports bra that conformed to her impressive bust and offered a generous view off her cleavage, a pair of yellow gym shorts highlighted her plump, tone backside, and her signature yellow locks tied up in a ponytail. Sensing she was being watched, she turned towards Jaune and smiled brightly.
"Like watch you see Vomit Boy~?" she teased, pausing her workout so she could chat with him.
Jaune frowned at the name and sighed "Still using that name for me huh?"
Yang laughed at his remark, "Can you blame? the way you look when i say it is hiliarious"
She stretched her arms over her head causing her bust to raise aas well. Jaune blushed and immediately looked away, not wanting to ogle his friends sister. However, Yang saw him, and decided to tease even further by leaning down so he could see down her top. But he didn't sneak a peak so she continued their conversation
"So, Just coming back from babysitting duty?"
Jaune sighed and corrected her" Crossing guard, and yes i am"
"Yeah, yeah, same diff" she replied "Ya know, it's been a while since we hung out together, and its the weekend, so why you and me hit up some night clubs in.."
"Sorry...Ruby and I already made plans tonight" he replied.
Looking over, he half expected her to question him about his intensions, but she simple smiled and waved it off.
"I see....well, guess I should let you get ready. I'm gonna finish up here and hit the showers" she said, thought he swore he could sense some disappointment in her voice.
"Yeah. I'll see you around Yang" he called as he left. Not noticing the sly smirk she wore.
"Yeah....See you real soon~"
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Inspecting himself, Jaune hummed approvingly. He wore a simple button up top, a pair of faded blue jeans, and some simple sneakers. His hair was combed and he had on a light spray of colone. While they weren't doing anything fancy, he still wanted to look his best.
"Lookin good VB~"
Tunring around, he saw Yang leaning in the doorway, her hair dripping wet and wrapped in a towel that hung her body tightly. He sputtered and immediately raised a hand to block his view, his face completely covered in blush.
"Y...YANG! Why are you only in a towel?"
She chuckled at his question "Cuse i just took a shower...C;mon, I akready told you what i was gonna do"
she pushed herself off the doorframe and began making her way to Jaune. He took a quick peak but immediately blocked his sight once more upon seeing her approach. She licked her lips as she approach, looking him over with intrigue.
"Damn....I have to say, You clean up nicely~" she commented "Weiss cream really screwed the pooch with reject you so often~"
"t...Thanks.." he replied "But why are you here?"
She smiled and grabbed his hands, making him look directly at her. "this~"
With warning she pressed her lips into his, caughting the young knight by surprised. Her tongue darting in his mouth, completely dominating his own, his tast making her moan with delight. Jaune tried to pull away, but Yang's grip on his hands was like iron. Once she pulled away, a small strained of saliva bridged their mouths before disappearing. Leaving Jaune bewildered.
"Woah.....Yang...."
Her lilac eyes stared into his blue, a satisified smile gracing her face.
"Get on the bed" she commanded
Obeying her orders, he sat himelf on the edge of the bed, unsure of what was going happen. He watched with baited breath as she made her way over, kneeling before him and began undoing his fly. He tried to ask her to stop, but she shot him a glare that show him who was in charge. After a minute fiddling with his zipper, she bypassed it and eyed his underwear. Taking a small whiff, she hummed pleased.
"you smell nice~" she purred as beagn pulling his penis from its confines "But I'm really in the mood for some sausage~ A really big one~"
Reaching a hand into his boxers, she grinningwhen she felt his semi hard member in her hand. Without a second thought she fished it out, nodding approvingly at it's 8 inches length and 4 inches in girth.
"Nice cock bro~" she giggled at her little pun and wrapped a hand around it "But all jokes aside, lets get this puppy to full mast"
Yang spat on his cock, making sure it was decently lubricated for what came next. Then she began stroking him off slowly, enjoying to look of confused arousal on Jaune's face. Her iron grip squeezed his cock nicely, gliding up and down with ease thanks to her spit. Jaune moaned softly as she stroked him, hardly believing a beauty like Yang was currently jerking him off.
Both teens enjoyed were enjoying the moment until Yang saw his fully erect cock. Standing at an impressive 12 inches.
"Holy fuck dude..."Yang gasped, her mouth widen as she stared at the pillar of meat before her "How the fuck do you hid this python?"
"Yang.....We should stop...I got plans" jaune replied, but stopped when yang leaned forwarrd and shushed him with a finger.
"SHH~ not any more you don't" she replied,
Dropping her towel, her twin d-cup breasts bouced in the air. Jaune watched wordlessly as she wrapped her mamories around his girth encasing him in a warm and soft prison. Yang smiled up at him and began bouncing her tits up before bringing them back down. Making sure every inch of him felt her fleshy apendages.
Jaune watched on wordlessly, hardly fatheming he's getting a titty fuck from the buxom boxer herself. A dream he's had since first semester at Beacon. He moaned softy as she squeezed them togther along his cock.
Yang, seeing him slowly giving in to the pleasure, increased her speed. Enjoying the moans Jaune released from her tittyfuck. She knew he fantasized about her, hell she actually thought it was a compliment. Considering how he kept Ruby safe while she was dealing with herself, she could consider this a thank you. However, that was not the case. During their time together, she's developed feels for the boy. She was sure when exactly, but she was positive that these feelings were real. So when she heard him mention Ruby's name, something inside her felt sad. She was happy for Ruby, but didn't want to lose the one male she genuinely like aside from her dad and uncle.
"You like it Jaune~" she asked smiling brightly
Jaune gulped as he spoke, having a hard time formulating a sentence.
"Y....Yang...We should...."
"Nope~. I'm not stopping til you cancel you plans with Ruby" She relpied.
She stopping bouncing her tits, and squeezed them against his cock. Then she began rubbing them up and down his length rapid, smearing his pre all over herself.
"Besides~, I know you don't want a little girl like her when you can hae a woman like me~" she purred
Jaune's brow furrowed at her statement "You shouldn't say that about your sister Yang"
She laughed it off and began bouncing her titts up and down his cock once more, making him moan.
"Oh cut the crap, Arc. I know you've fantasized about me~" she replied making him look away, comfirming her suspisions. "I thought so~, but don't worry, I don't mind at all~"
She leaned forward and licked his cock head, not once stopping her previous actions. In fact, she slowed down again, this time kneading her fleshy mounds against his cock sensually. Her lilac eyes staring deep into him.
"In fact, I find it quit flattering. Also you did keep Ruby safe all the way to Haven...So i guess you could consider this a thank you~" she felt him pulse and smirked. She stopped knead and pulled away, stopping before Jaune had a chance to cum. "Buuuut...If you really want to stop, then who am i to say."
Jaune's mouth went widen when she stopped. He was at the verge of climax, but had been deined by his fellow blonde.
"Why'd you stop?!" he asked, his cock twiching and pulsing madly.
Yang smirked and stretched her arms groaning as she popped her back "Well....you do have an outting with Ruby, and it would be rude of me to interupt that."
"B...But.."
She looked into Jaune's eyes, seeing the pleading in them, she couldn't help but giggle.
*he must be really back up* she thought, her plan working accordingly
She was right of course. During their travel to Haven, Argus, and Atlas, Jaune barely had any time to tend to his need, if any at all. So when she began her titfuck, he felt like he'd finally get some release after a hard journey. Now she gave him a taste of a woman's touch, he'd crave it from now on, regular masturbation just won't cut it anymore.
"Yang...please....help me finish" he pled "I'll do whatever you want me to do. Just let me feel you boobs again...."
She quirked and eyebrow, an inquisitive expression on her face.
"Anything?"
He nodded
Smiling once more, she raise herself up. Using his legs for support, she leaned into his face till they were centimeters away. Her lilac eyes staring deep into his blue ones once more.
"then tell Ruby you can't make it"
Jaune was suprised by her request. She wanted him to stand up her own sister just so he could fonddle some breast? It's gotta be a test. To see if he will do the right thing by her sister. He knew Ruby would be heart broken if he cancelle, but they could hang out some other time. Right?
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Ruby stared at the message Jaune had sent her.
"Something came up and I gotta cancel for tonight. Sorry Crater Face"
She sighed and tossed her scroll to onto the bed and looked herself over. She wore a small black hoodie witha pair of small jean shorts. It was supposed to seduce Jaune, but now she felt silly. Perhaps she get him another time. That is if Yang does get to him first.
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Jealousy- Radiosilence, background Radioapple- angst- highschool au, human au
Lucifer. Little mister perfect.
Oh, how Vox hated him.
Lucifer was perfect. Just. Fucking. Perfect.
It's really no wonder every girl and boy in their school loved him.
Every boy and girl. Including Alastor.
Alastor. Vox's best friend and crush. Of course Lucifer had to come along and steal Alastor from him. And oh, how Vox hated it.
“Calm down, Vox, me and Luci are just getting along. He's the new kid. May as well make him feel like he has at least one friend here,” Alastor had said when Vox brought up how he and Lucifer were spending a lot of time together.
“Luci?” Vox's eyes narrowed. Alastor had a nickname for the whore?
“He said people can call him nicknames,” Alastor shrugged. He scratched his neck. “He's a nice guy, Vox. You should try being nicer to him,”
Vox huffed. He leaned against the stair railing in front of the school. “He's a fucking whore, Al,” he said.
Alastor frowned. “Vox, you don't even know him,”
“I've seen him, Alastor. He's got chicks all over him! A fucking slut like him dosent deserve people being nice to him!” Vox argued.
“Just because people like him, he isn't a slut, Vox!” Alastor reasoned. “He even told me that the people trying to constantly flirt with him, make him uncomfortable. I'm trying to help him get them to leave him alone,”
“He's lying!” Vox said, stepping towards Alastor. “That little mister perfect whore is just waiting for someone that he can manipulate and use!” Vox said. He gritted his teeth. “That bitch is going to use you, Alastor,”
Alastor crossed his arms. “I get it,” he said. “You're jealous,” he said.
Vox blinked, seeming surprised. He stepped back. “What? No I'm not! Why would I be jealous of that little cunt??”
“You're jealous that I'm making friends,” Alastor replied. “You're so lonely and desperate for attention that the moment your one friend talks to someone new, you get all jealous and pissy about it!” Alastor said, stepping closer to Vox. “I'm allowed to have friends other than you, Vox. You don't own me,”
Vox bumped into the metal railing behind him. “I- That's not true!” he argued. “I'm not jealous. I'm not stopping you from making friends… I-I'm not lonely!”
Alastor scoffed. “Yeah, right,” he flicked Vox's forehead. “Little word of advice; no one likes a clingy, needy, jealous asshole,” he said, staring directly into Vox's eyes.
Vox stared at him, unable to get the words out.
Alastor backed away and walked off into the school. Presumably to find Lucifer.
Vox watched him leave.
Something wet slid down Vox's cheek. Fuck.
Vox wiped the tear away only for more to come. “Fuck… No… stop it…” he mumbled to himself. He let out a sob.
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Vox didn't have any friends. He stopped letting himself get attached. He glanced across the classroom, where Alastor and Lucifer were talking and laughing.
Alastor leaned in and gave Lucifer a kiss on the head.
Lucifer giggled in response.
Vox gripped his pencil tightly. Why was he still so jealous of Lucifer? He looked away and down at the paper he was writing on.
“Hey,” a voice said.
Vox looked up.
A girl with dark skin and big pigtails sat down next to him. “Velvette,” she introduced herself. She had a British accent. She held out her hand.
“Um…” Vox hesitantly took her hand and shook it. “Vox…” he said quietly. “Are you an exchange student..?”
Velvette nodded. “Straight from London,” she crossed her arms behind her head and propped her feet up on the desk. She had a good sense of fashion, Vox observed.
“Where… Where did you get those clothes?” Vox asked.
“These?” Velvette laughed. “Well, I made the shirt myself, thrifted these gloves and pants, the jacket was also thrifted but I modified it to be more cool…” She explained her outfit to him.
Vox listened in awe. He was amazed to learn that she designed and created clothes all on her own. And she was only, what? 17?
The two hit it off great. But, Vox told himself he wouldn't get attached. Not again.
But… maybe Velvette wasn't so bad.
Maybe… just once… ever since sophomore year… Vox could let himself have fun for once. Let himself have a friend.
Just one friend.
#hazbin hotel#radioapple#radiostatic#radiosilence#staticlovetune#vox x alastor#alastor x lucifer#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin vox#vox the tv demon#hazbin velvette#hazbin hotel velvette#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel lucifer#alastor the radio demon#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin lucifer
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𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐦
Parings → Peter Parker x Reader
Warnings → insecurities, fluff, angst
Summary → Seven minutes in heaven, what could happen?
(gif not mine)
Parties had never been your scene. The loud music, the dim lighting, and the sea of unfamiliar faces always made you feel out of place. But when Betty insisted, practically dragging you along with MJ, you found yourself reluctantly agreeing. Betty and MJ were your best friends, and as much as you didn't enjoy parties, you hated the idea of being left out more.
The moment you stepped into the crowded living room, you stuck close to MJ, your safety net. You shared a knowing look, silently agreeing to stick together for the night. But that plan quickly fell apart when Betty spotted Ned across the room. With a playful wink, she ditched you two in favor of her boyfriend, leaving you and MJ to fend for yourselves.
That’s when the trouble began.
You didn’t know how, but before you knew it, you were dragged into a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. The circle of players quickly formed: you, MJ, Betty, Ned, Flash, Cindy, Abe, Tiny, Jason, and Peter. The moment you saw Peter, your heart skipped a beat. You had a crush on him for as long as you could remember, but he had liked Liz back in sophomore year. Now that Liz was gone, you didn’t know if he was interested in anyone else. You hoped, silently and fervently, that the bottle would point to him.
It was your turn. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves, and spun the bottle. It whirled around, the tension in the room thick as everyone watched. The bottle slowed, and your heart pounded in your chest as it pointed directly at Peter.
Your excitement was short-lived, though. Peter’s face was expressionless, almost cold, as he got up. He didn’t seem excited at all. In fact, he looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here. A lump formed in your throat, but you forced yourself to keep calm. Maybe he was just as nervous as you were.
The two of you were ushered into a small, cramped closet. Flash and Jason slammed the door shut with a loud laugh, locking you both in. The dim light from the overhead bulb cast shadows on the walls, making the small space feel even smaller. Peter stood as far away from you as possible, his hands shoved into his pockets.
You tried to swallow your disappointment, but your insecurities were already creeping in, whispering that he didn't want to be here with you. You cleared your throat, trying to break the awkward silence. “Um, hey.”
“Hi,” he replied, his voice flat.
You shifted uncomfortably, your nerves getting the better of you. “W-we don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to. I’m sure you’d rather be in here with someone else. We can just stay where we are.” Your voice trailed off, growing quieter with each word.
Peter’s expression softened slightly, and he finally met your gaze. “It’s nothing to do with you. I’m sorry I seemed rude. I’m just really stressed out lately, and parties aren’t really my thing. I only came because of Ned.”
A small smile tugged at your lips. “Me too. Betty practically dragged me here.”
He chuckled softly, the sound easing some of the tension between you. “Seems like we have something in common.”
For some reason, his words gave you a burst of courage. Maybe it was the small space or the fact that you were alone with him, but you suddenly felt braver. “Hey, Peter, I… um, I wanted to tell you something for a while.” You swallowed hard, nerves bubbling up again. “I-I really like you. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. You don’t really know me, so I get it.”
Peter blinked, clearly stunned by your confession. His expression was unreadable, and your heart sank a little. But then, to your surprise, he spoke. “Yeah, I don’t really know you… but maybe I’d like to. Maybe we could go on a date sometime? Get to know each other? And if it goes well… who knows.... maybe we could start dating.”
Peter had never dated anyone or even gone on a date, so he was hopeful. You like him, so maybe it will be good.
“Yes! I-I mean, yeah, sure,” you replied, trying to sound casual despite the excitement bubbling inside you.
A shy smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Hey, we still have two minutes. Do you want to… maybe… kiss?”
You felt your cheeks heat up, but you nodded. “Yeah.” Your voice was just a whisper.
The kiss was soft, tentative, and a little awkward, but it was sweet in its own way. It was both of your first kisses. Neither of you were experienced, but you both tried, and by the time you leaned in again for a second kiss, it felt a little more natural, a little more right.
Suddenly, the door was yanked open, and Flash’s voice rang out. “Yo, Parker’s kissing Y/n!” He sounded half-amazed, half-amused. Ned cheered loudly, and you pulled away from Peter, your face burning with embarrassment. Peter glared at Flash, clearly annoyed.
MJ gave you a thumbs up from across the room, her smirk evident even in the dim light.
“Shut up, Flash. Leave us alone,” Peter snapped, grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the closet. Without another word, he led you upstairs, away from the chaos of the party.
Peter guided you to a quiet room at the far end of the hall, away from the noise and the teasing. He closed the door behind you and turned to face you, a soft smile on his lips. “Sorry about Flash. He’s an idiot.”
You giggled, still a little flustered from the kiss. “It’s okay. I’m just glad we got out of there.”
He hesitated for a moment, then took a step closer to you, his eyes meeting yours. "So, about that date… h-how about tomorrow? Maybe we can go to the movies or grab some coffee?" His voice was hopeful, a bit nervous.
You smiled, your own nerves finally settling. “I’d like that.”
Peter’s smile grew, and for the first time that night, he seemed genuinely happy. “Me too.”
As the two of you stood there, you felt something shift. The awkwardness of the game downstairs was replaced with something new—something exciting. You leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin against your lips.
Peter caught your gaze, and for a moment, it felt like the world outside that small room didn't exist. He leaned down slowly, capturing your lips in another kiss, this one more sure, more confident. It was sweet and gentle.
When you finally pulled back, both of you were smiling, a little breathless but incredibly happy. "We should probably get back downstairs before they start making stuff up," you said, though you made no move to leave.
"Yeah," Peter replied, his voice soft, "let's go."
As you left the party that night, walking side by side with Peter, you couldn’t help but feel like maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of something wonderful.
∗ ࣪ ˖༺ 𓆩☆𓆪 ༻˖ ࣪ ∗
#peter parker fanfiction#peter parker spiderman#peter parker#peter parker x reader#peter parker x fem!reader#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x you#peter parker tom holland#tom holland peter parker#tom holland#tomholland2013#tom holland spiderman#thollandsgirl2013#spider man#tom holland fanfiction
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Dont feel pressured to respond to this as I don’t want to add to the discourse by any means, but as a counter point to the other anon, I never really got how it was ‘wrong’ to have characters who are properly aged up/consenting to be the focus of nsfw content? Cause like, it is fictional on one hand, and also, on the other, no singular entity stays a child forever. So long as they are of appropriate age and the context is there for it, it’s hard for me to find any ‘good’ reason to be against it.
I’ve seen this sort of argument destroy creators, fans and fandoms before, and it’s just not worth it honestly. people need to learn that if they’re uncomfortable with stuff that it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad or immoral and they need to just move on. People who can’t understand that distinction yet might not be ready for any sort of nsfw content in general, so I think that honestly, whatever you choose to do is fine.
People will find reason to poke and complain regardless of what you do, but I think you should do what you like and whatever makes you happy. I am sorry though that you’ve gotten negative messages about these sorts of things before, as no one should be harassed over how they ship a thing. Ever.
Anyways, wishing you a pleasant day, and know that I’ll support you regardless. I just wanted to like write and show that I understand where you’re coming from and that people will get it too, even if they don’t say anything
I agree! Like it'd be fucked up if people were to do this to real kids but fictional characters are. fictional lol their whole purpose is to tell stories through them, I don't see why that story should be contained to "sfw" content even when they're adults in it. Thanks for the support ;u;
(more asks under cut)
"they exist at the age you're depicting them just as much as they exist at the age they are in canon" <- put it in words better than I could, thank you ;o;
right, I feel like the only time this would be bad to do with existing fictional characters is if the original creator of the characters expressed that they don't want fan creations involving nsfw etc etc but hoyoverse doesn't give a crap so!!
omg kind of mind games are they playing on tumblr dot com T_T
#anon#noranasks#this will probably be the last time i speak about this unless there's some super hot take that i feel compelled to rely to#and even if i didn't reply to you directly#thank you for the supportive asks
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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled
OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY
#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it#rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf#you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something#he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing#i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience#like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that#SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY#anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels#would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes#but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance#at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down#rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety#because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL#yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is#i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden#eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so#but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too#eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol#yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels#yes. yes this is the vision#yakurei#replies#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival rei
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vent post sorry so sorry i'm having a Bad Time
psyched myself up to buy a new bed but when i announced my plans for the weekend my sibling's like 'are you sure you wanna buy a new bed?' like damn killed the hype immediately. i don't wanna buy a bed i don't wanna go anywhere i'll just keep using the bed that we all cycled through growing up that hasn't been replaced in a decade+ with no bedframe and only one sheet that fits.
"are you sure you want-" I need a new bed. This isn't a matter of wanting. i don't want to think about where to get the best deals or which store has a delivery service or the logistics of hauling that thing into my room or where to get rid of the old one i'm sick of sleeping on a mattress on the floor. don't make this ordeal more complicated than it has to be.
#i'm having a really bad day mentally and when it's this bad i have trouble doing anything because it's all too complicated#even going to the bathroom is too much so i just wont. and as the day goes on i start feeling gross and uncomfortable and hungry#but if i use the bathroom i'll be dirty so i'll have to take a shower and showering is a whole other thing so i'll just not eat or drink so#i don't have to go any more badly than i already do#it's not good and i hate it and this is somehow my fault??? fuck off why don't i crawl into a ditch so you don't have to see it#i skipped work today and i couldn't even go downstairs to get my work phone to inform my boss. even though i have enough time off saved up#it's still a tardy because i didn't report in so i'll get written up#they should fire me. i hate that place.#none of the part time jobs i've applied for have replied#i can't get another job if i lose this one#i cant tell if i'm fr mentally ill or if it's just a product of living in pandemic-genocide-capitalist-global warming times. among others.#not that any of that directly affects me because it's all just me overthinking things and blowing it out of proportion and ruining myself#i'm sorry i cant help#myself or others#talking tag
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The thing is that's not guarantee, personally I love Tom Hiddleston, we all know the fandom loves the backflip legend Taylor Lautner, we were in good terms with Joe Jonas until he snapped but I dislike him and Harry for non Taylor reasons, I'm indiferent to Joe I think it was a very human breakup. It all depends on how it ends and how he handles is if it's just a "schedules made it hard" situation he will be remembeted fondly if he does something horrible or goes crazy like Calvin on social media he will get dragged.
personally i think it funny to make fun of exes in general regardless of my feelings towards them. and im not gonna police anyone unless it goes as far as harassment or directly saying shit to them or stuff like that.
#im eh towards TH like taylor lautner feel same as you about joe (singer)#i don't hate harry but i have other thoughts on him that won't be welcomed#(will say i was hoping that taylor does NOT get back with him and she didn't! lol)#as for YB i don't despise him and i get that he had/has his own mental struggles but i feel disappointed#because he expected taylor to change (even helped her by giving her the space to do so)#and when she asked him to work on himself he backed out and was unavailable#when you're someone's other-half you have to realize that everything you say/do directly affects them so you have to be considerate of them#and it's a lot more complicated than this but i think this is enough for tags#anonymous#replies
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what addictive stardust does baz put in his movies
#i've been racking my brain trying to remember the last time i was this captivated by a (new ie: recent) movie at all#ttb doesn't quite count since the stage version was already well-known to me so loving it was a given#and i...can't think of one (a non-franchise one and even then we're talking like. rots in 2005...)#don't get me wrong i love and enjoy movies i just don't tend to obsess over them anymore#i can come up with plenty that i DO love from recent years! but they didn't *change my brain chemistry*#i can't strongly come up with one that did that specifically since moulin rouge and that was 21 years ago 😭😭😭 or maybe chicago? rent!#(note: the maximalist musical theme is in fact key to my wiring)#and like despite some fondness for the movies phantom and sweeney did not do it since the shows are much more beloved and important to me#anyway uh. baz bestie i need to ask you what you put in your celluloid for science#there is something wrong with me lmao#i think it's the combo of not only the film but the further exploration of elvis himself and so much music and other work directly from him#so it's the double hyperfixation hit of a film to be enrapt by AND an artist to attach to which both are like#nostalgic/formative feeling experiences#idk i'm overcome with emotions#jess.mess#sorry for throwing likely tbd text posts into the void here on the disaster zone tonight#chelsea i love saying i'm going to delete posts and then keeping them up because of your replies <3
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if you can stomach it i would recommend watching the body cam footage of the sonya massey killing, i'll try to describe it but it's hardly possible. you can't truly understand the type of extreme, completely volatile aggression that happens with cops if you haven't seen it, and it's captured here very harrowingly.
several officers are in her house, calmly talking with her about her id and vehicle papers for some time. it's routine administrative stuff, no acute danger or stress whatsoever. one of them tells her to take her pot off the stove, remarking that they don't need a fire in the house now, she walks over into the kitchen and complies. he suddenly backs off towards the front door despite already being several feet away. she asks him where he's going, he says "away from your hot, steaming water." she repeats "my hot, steamin' water?" in an amused tone. then adds "i rebuke you in the name of jesus," in a similar tone while pouring the water down the sink. the atmosphere is completely calm, you might even say amiable.
she's at this point still separated from the cops by her kitchen aisle and several feet of additional distance. the cop prompts her to repeat what she said, she repeats her reply about rebuking him in the name of jesus [edit: i didn't phrase this right in the original post; this phrase is not really a joke but rather used similarly to 'perish the thought'- ie rebuking his implication that she would harm them]. she doesn't even realise there's been a complete 180 in his head. he goes "you better fucking not, i will shoot you in your fucking face," she's stunned by the sudden abusive language for half a second, immediately he draws his gun directly at her head, she gets out a panicked "sorry!" and ducks behind the aisle, he rounds the corner into the kitchen specifically to advance right next to her, immediately fires 3 shots at her head from above at minimal distance. she's dead where she stood, or cowered rather, by the sink in her nightgown.
after a few seconds you hear the click of him turning on his body cam, saying "she came at me with a pot of boiling water." for the recording. he also nonchalantly tells his partner there's no need to get a med kit because it was a headshot. it's one of the most clear cut cases ever and it's fully recorded only because his partner did already have the body cam on throughout.
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I hate that when I look up the "Kalpas" tag here there's me and then there's me again, but on another blog. Fake moustache me
#And then there's a lot of spam for some reason and from time to time HSR people#but as a reference to that one Black Swa.n video‚ nothing to do with HI3 Kalpas#I talk too much#Mei went to talk to him and Kalpas sent her to ask Sakura instead and it made me want to jump off a cliff#Everything they say and don't say in reference to each other and even when it doesn't look directly about each other is so good and charged#I love the fact they despite how Mei gets along best with Sakura probably out of anyone else in the Flame Chasers#she finds Kalpas more approachable and more 'useful' to direct her questions to#given Sakura uses vague metaphors to reply while Kalpas‚ if he replies‚ is very direct#That's something that I noticed pretty early on playing Elysian Realm and that is the seed of why I came to like him so much#How ironically trustworthy and honest and... gentle he is. How ironically he was one of the FCs that gave the least amount of red flags#And how once one learnt to manage him he was actually quite easy to deal with and trustworthy in what to expect#How if he said something it would be the truth‚ no mincing#and if he didn't want to share something he wouldn't beat around the bush about it either#I didn't have much expectations about this but I love how they have steadily constructed this facet of him and him in general as a character#and his dynamics around this idea. It's truly at his core. How Elysia says he always keeps his word even if it costs him great effort#but also always expects the same or the other. How that works with Sakura. How he's loud and direct and she is silent and hides so much#yet they know and understand and get each other. How they work together. How they have conversations in which they don't utter#but the half of it yet they both know what they're talking about perfectly and know the reasons as well as the reason for the absences#I found Sakura quite bland due to how this reflects on her individually and I found Kalpas at the very beginning very annoying for the same#but the mix of both their characters and how they work together is wonderful. It's truly a joy to see how they work together#and I love how evocative of their working together in missions it could get. But even beyond that. Just. As people#Normal people regarded as monsters and othered‚ so very shy and alienated‚ just talking. Being normal with each other#Because they were and they regarded the other as such. But also knew they weren't and thus why they could understand#Sakura says they didn't really go into all that many missions together but they did talk. And you see them and you understand#Or course you did. Bet it was soft and pleasant and half a silence. Everything direct but also half absence#Like many of their interactions in ER‚ about nothing important and about everything that matters#Half direct half absence like how Sakura went herself to see what was going on in that town and Kalpas asks#Like Kalpas still fumes about not being told when she decided to escape with Rin and now offers but doesn't say why straight away#'Kalpas is back' and everyone shuts up in fear‚ but he comes back and talks with Sakura and his voice doesn't boil#It's calm and even playful. Makes me wonder about their conversations. Makes me wonder about Rin. I love how they are constructed
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the other day we were talking about balance beams because you said that your family had one of those cool winch ones that wrap around trees to make a high wire. even though i was pretty good i had to quit gymnastics at 12 because we couldn't afford dance and gymnastics but. i had something-other.
and i got excited because i think it's a funny story. i didn't have a door for about 4 years. 13-17, or there about. i only got it back because i replaced it myself.
i think my dad took it off the hinges just because his very-macho friend david had said - i do this to punish my kids. and then about a week later it was down on the ground and then eventually rotting in a shed. i used to visit it on occasion and tilt it between two boxes so i could try to walk across the side of it. i have a scar on my foot from attempting the act of balance-beam fancy dancing. it's shaped like a crescent moon. a hinge sliced into my skin when the whole thing slipped out from underneath me.
and you looked at me and you said - what the fuck?
and i said, do you want to see? because i thought the thing you were replying to was the injury. i was already undoing my shoelaces.
you're supposed to have a door, you said slowly. you were a teenager. you - i've seen your house. you lived at the end of the hall.
i didn't understand the problem. so? i wriggled out of my shoe and then my sock.
so, you said it gently, which made me slow down. you said it in the way people tell me that i experienced something bad and i have no idea that it was supposed to be something-else instead. anyone coming down the stairs or in the hallway could see directly into your room. you were in a fishbowl for four years, am i understanding that correctly?
i stared at you, and then said the other things: well, it wasn't so bad. i just wore a towel and tucked myself into a corner to change. i could always just change in the bathroom. privacy didn't really exist for any of us. i wasn't allowed to decorate so it wasn't really my room anyway. i didn't have a lot of things growing up; so it's not like i minded having a semi-public space. my siblings left me alone if i needed them to. what's the big deal anyway.
this is accidentally what emotional vampires incorrectly label as a "trauma dump". this is accidentally how you learn that my house was actually unsafe. i don't even consider this a problem, because everything else was so much worse, in a way. i didn't know it was supposed to be different. at the time, i didn't know what privacy was. i just lied about most stuff and got good at hiding in public. i haven't ever lied about this because i didn't know it was supposed to be different. i am 31.
you looked pale and ready to throw up. you had a right to a door for your room. you were a kid. someone should have helped you.
i was busy examining the sole of my foot. the scar really does look like the moon.
#spilled ink#warm up#at 31 i am still discovering other people had like normal lives#what do you mean i needed a door. i was always told i was lucky to have my own room#no matter how small#i WAS lucky to have my own room!!!!!#.... as an adult i am kind of like ''.... a door would have been nice too''
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Saw a fun little conversation on Threads but I don't have a Threads account, so I couldn't reply directly, but I sure can talk about it here!
I've been wanting to get into this for awhile, so here we go! First and foremost, I wanna say that "Emmaskies" here is really hitting the nail on the head despite having "no insider info". I don't want this post to be read as me shitting on trad pub editors or authors because that is fundamentally not what's happening.
Second, I want to say that this reply from Aaron Aceves is also spot on:
There are a lot of reviewers who think "I didn't enjoy this" means "no one edited this because if someone edited it, they would have made it something I like". As I talk about nonstop on this account, that is not a legitimate critique. However, as Aaron also mentions, rushed books are a thing that also happens.
As an author with 2 trad pub novels and 2 trad pub anthologies (all with HarperCollins, the 2nd largest trad publisher in the country), let me tell you that if you think books seem less edited lately, you are not making that up! It's true! Obviously, there are still a sizeable number of books that are being edited well, but something I was talking about before is that you can't really know that from picking it up. Unlike where you can generally tell an indie book will be poorly edited if the cover art is unprofessional or there are typoes all over the cover copy, trad is broken up into different departments, so even if editorial was too overworked to get a decent edit letter churned out, that doesn't mean marketing will be weak.
One person said that some publishers put more money into marketing than editorial and that's why this is happening, but I fundamentally disagree because many of these books that are getting rushed out are not getting a whole lot by way of marketing either! And I will say that I think most authors are afraid to admit if their book was rushed out or poorly edited because they don't want to sabotage their books, but guess what? I'm fucking shameless. Café Con Lychee was a rush job! That book was poorly edited! And it shows! Where Meet Cute Diary got 3 drafts from me and my beta readers, another 2 drafts with me and my agent, and then another 2 drafts with me and my editor, Café Con Lychee got a *single* concrete edit round with my editor after I turned in what was essentially a first draft. I had *three weeks* to rewrite the book before we went to copy edits. And the thing is, this wasn't my fault. I knew the book needed more work, but I wasn't allowed more time with it. My editor was so overworked, she was emailing me my edit letter at 1am. The publisher didn't care if the book was good, and then they were upset that its sales weren't as high at MCD's, but bffr. A book that doesn't live up to its potential is not going to sell at the same rate as one that does!
And this may sound like a fluke, but it's not. I'm not naming names because this is a deeply personal thing to share, but I have heard from *many* authors who were not happy with their second books. Not because they didn't love the story but because they felt so rushed either with their initial drafts or their edits that they didn't feel like it lived up to their potential. I also know of authors who demanded extra time because they knew their books weren't there yet only to face big backlash from their publisher or agent.
I literally cannot stress to you enough that publisher's *do not give a fuck* about how good their products are. If they can trick you into buying a poorly edited book with an AI cover that they undercut the author for, that is *better* than wasting time and money paying authors and editors to put together a quality product. And that's before we get into the blatant abuse that happens at these publishers and why there have been mass exoduses from Big 5 publishers lately.
There's also a problem where publishers do not value their experienced staff. They're laying off so many skilled, dedicated, long-term committed editors like their work never meant anything. And as someone who did freelance sensitivity reading for the Big 5, I can tell you that the way they treat freelancers is *also* abysmal. I was almost always given half the time I asked for and paid at less than *half* of my general going rate. Authors publishing out of their own pockets could afford my rate, but apparently multi-billion dollar corporations couldn't. Copy edits and proofreads are often handled by freelancers, meaning these are people who aren't familiar with the author's voice and often give feedback that doesn't account for that, plus they're not people who are gonna be as invested in the book, even before the bad payment and ridiculous timelines.
So, anyway, 1. go easy on authors and editors when you can. Most of us have 0 say in being in this position and authors who are in breech of their contract by refusing to turn in a book on time can face major legal and financial ramifications. 2. Know that this isn't in your head. If you disagree with the choices a book makes, that's probably just a disagreement, but if you feel like it had so much potential but just *didn't reach it*, that's likely because the author didn't have time to revise it or the editor didn't have time to give the sort of thorough edits it needed. 3. READ INDIE!!! Find the indie authors putting in the work the Big 5's won't do and support them! Stop counting on exploitative mega-corporations to do work they have no intention of doing.
Finally, to all my readers who read Café Con Lychee and loved it, thank you. I love y'all, and I appreciate y'all, and I really wish I'd been given the chance to give y'all the book you deserved. I hope I can make it up to you in 2025.
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hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT
Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.
When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examples—I mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.
I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.
Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitation—there were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.
For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.
Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.
The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studies—there's literally no way around it—so you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forward—isn't that a fun prospect!!
It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.
I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skills—the other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).
Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)
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that was mean- nicholas
summary: nicholas was having a bad week and gave you the silent treatment.
warning: argument, crying, happy ending
a/n: i couldn't stop thinking abt this no joke. so ofc i had to write it out
from late at night till he left early this morning for work nicholas has been either quiet rude or both.
we haven't spoken to eachother or not even silents acts of love. nothing.
he cut his alarm clock off and i tried to give him a hug before he got out the bed and he pushed me off of him "not right now" he grumbled and got out of bed
when he left for work i said 'bye' to maybe break the silence shared between us, but i got no response. it was starting to get lonely. i missed my bestfriend that was also my boyfriend
i had nobody to mess with or someone to talk to about my day.
to stop these lingering thoughts i go back to bed to maybe get my mind off of things.
--
i wake up around 8 am which was later than the time i usally woke up around, but today was sorta a lazy day.
it was gloomy not much sun was shining, it rained a little here and there. it was more of a slow day for me so the extra rest was very much needed
i text my boyfriend forgetting about the whole silent treatment ordeal.
me: how's your day going so far?? :)
and to no suprise i was left on delivered and soon left on seen. i messaged him periodically throught the day; hoping that maybe he would reply
it was almost time for dinner which normally nicholas cooks cause he's just better at it, but i didn't know when he was coming home or if he would even do it, so i look up some quick easy recipes and nothing struck my fancy but the pizza recipe. cause how hard could it really be?
i put a packet of yeast into my bowl along with some flour, water, oil, and salt. i let that sit for 30 minutes then im back to cooking again.
spreading flour onto the counter and placing the dough onto it; kneading it into a circle shape. this was harder than i thought
i look around for the marinara sauce and i put it into a different bowl and add a few light seasonings.
i paste that onto the dough, then i sprinkle some alot of cheese onto the pizza and my additional toppings bell peppers, spinach, and mushrooms.
i was so proud of myself especially sense i wasnt the cook, out of me and nicholas. i was really excited for him to try what i made but again i highly doubt he would even eat the food.
i put the pizza away into the oven completely forgetting to set a timer and put on a movie while i wait.
--
a smell of burning was the first thing that woke me up. "shit shit shit" i repeat totally freaking out remembering i left the pizza in the oven.
i get a rag and ineffectivley wave smoke out the air. when i open the oven it smelled horrible. i was coughing from all the smoke that had entered my lungs.
i take the burning pizza out and throw it into the sink, and hose it down with the water.
thats when i hear the front door open and mentally face palm. "what's that smell?" he asks "i kinda burnt a pizza that i tried to make"
"of course you did" he mutters sounding unimpressed. "and the fuck you mean 'kinda' you obviously did burn a damn pizza" he gestures to the chunk of charcoal burnt pizza
"it's not like i did it on purposes or something if thats what you think" my tone sounding a bit confronting.
"It's smells fucking horrible so open a damn window first off" he took a step closer raising his voice.
"you don't pay for shit so i don't understand why you almost had this place in flames secondly. then you also wanna blow up my phone while im working for crying out loud what do you want from me!" he yelled directly in my face
and im sure he knows by now i hate being yelled at. it's something my parents did and overall doesn't solve anything
i just take it, i didn't wanna fight so i go over to the nearest window and crack it open so the smoke clears.
my eyes watered from all the harsh words he could dish out but not the equal amount of attention "well.. you are- when i was.. ugh s'not my fault" i couldn't get a full sentence out. i felt so belittled in this moment
"im going to bed i don't have time for your stupid ass shit" those words hurt more than he thinks.
he had the most patience for me, always making time for us and now he doesnt.
"that's so mean.. you're being so mean" i wipe some tears that had fallen. i turned away from him silently crying.
the peices of my hair stuck to my tear-soaked cheeks. "wait- I'm sorry please don't cry" nicholas' voice was filled with regret.
i lazily push him away from me but he doesn't budge. his arms wrap around me bringing me into his familiar embrace. "I'm so sorry for being an asshole. I've been having a long shitty week and i know thats not an excuse so you don't even have to forgive me."
"you're everything to me. i swear i didn't mean it." he adds
the unforgettable cruel words he'd said to me earlier shoved ontop of his sweet loving words made me cry more.
i let him hold my trembling body as sobs tore through my chest, each inhale was ragged and uneven.
my hands clutched the material of his shirt "im so sorry sweetheart i never wanna make you cry" he explains in such a low voice, giving my hair strokes in attempt to calm me.
my face still burried into his neck tears now starting to dry away, and my breathing starting to even out. he carried me over to the couch and placed me in his lap
i was drained from all the crying, the tense feeling in my body beginning to melt away when i really started to feel nicholas' touch. my eyes drooped again this time staying shut for longer.
i was too tired to resist the sleep that had tooken over. and being cradled in his arms didn't help.
"I'll order pizza for the both of us alright?" he took me off of his lap and placed me on our couch. then lays one of our throw blankets ontop of me. "can we talk in the mornin'?" is the last thing i remember asking before dozing off.
a/n: can yall tell idk how to make pizza
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what if i do it anyway. he's a himbo and i love him <333
#may leaf rant#“this is petty af” listen. i will fight if people get upset about arbitrary labels#looking at you guy who ended his friendship with me over me “trying to convince him that his bestie is an abuser”#but pretended like he did it over my radical slur takes#which i didn't even talk to him to directly. he accessed my media tab on tweeter and saw a pic that was a reply to someone else#so he couldn't have seen it unless he was actively trying to find Something#how to say you're suspicious of me without saying you're suspicious of me#i fucking hate you#i will defend the person i supposedly framed as an abuser even tho she gave multiple of my friends panic attacks#autism things i suppose combined with having a bestie who is a fucking dick#but i will not defend That guy. fuck you#just fuck you#it's been like 8 or 9 months since our falling out and i'm Still upset about it#i fucking hate that guy so much#and i don't say “hate” lightly. i never say hate unless i mean it#“bro what if he sees this post” i don't fucking care. let him see. bitch couldn't even be arsed to say#“hey you insulted my best friend so i don't wanna be friends with you anymore”#granted i don't Know if that was the reason he didn't want to be friends anymore#since my slur take Is pretty extreme#but literally anyone i talked to (“proship” “anti” neither of those) said it was a pretty extreme reaction#and most likely an excuse for him to finally get rid of me#if anyone is still reading this i'm so sorry#anyway if he sees this post i don't fucking care. people like him are the reason why i have trust issues/keep people at arm's length#just tell me the fucking truth man#why do you have to lie like that#tldr if you have something to tell me then fucking Do it#oh how badly i want everyone to know who i'm talking about#but no. i'm not going to say his name in public lol#i fucking hate him
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