#and even after this if you're a person who knows me irl you know i'll be acting the exact same way i always do

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

A heart that hurts is a heart that works - Something Rotten sequel.

first part can be read here

Pairing: Dark!Joel Miller x afab!reader x Dark!Tess Servopoulos

Words count: 3829

Rating: Mature, absolutely NSFW and again, this shit is triggering. Please, read the tags carefully and if you're a minor don’t interact.

Tags/warning: This happens the morning immediately after the events of Something Rotten, pov second person, no use of y/n, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, heavy degradation, angst, smut, DUB CON/NON CON, reader is barely described, she has breasts and vagina, no mention of her skin tone, she doesn’t blush, she has hair but it’s not described, it is mentioned that Joel's clothes are too big for her (pics are just for aesthetic and don’t represent reader), the only thing is that reader's father died of lung cancer (like mine), depressive thoughts, as said in the first part: reader is held prisoner by Joel and Tess, on her leg is carved the word “pet” (Tess did it), use of a knife, groping, a large amount of bites, mention of wounds, mention of bruises, no kindness whatsoever towards reader, Joel and Tess are both EVIL, fingering (Tess receiving), oral (Tess receiving) spitting, nipples sucking and biting (it's not my ff if there is no attention towards nipples OKAY), unprotected p in v (both f receiving, wrap it up IRL), pussy slapping, cum eating, Joel comes on reader’s face, pissing, a little more scissoring, a little bit of chocking, squirting, brief insert of reader's thoughts in italics… I think it’s all 😅 If I notice I've forgotten something important I'll add it right away.

A/N: Title comes from a Placebo song called Bright Lights. It seemed right to continue with them since "Something Rotten" is also one of their songs. Anyway, I leave you the entire playlist that I listened to while I was writing both this and the first part and again thank you very much to those who recommended songs to me ♥️

There is something of my experience and pain in this so please be particularly kind. English is not my first language and I have no beta, I apologize for any mistakes. I hope you enjoy it, thank you so much to anyone who reads it.

[I started a tag list, if you want to be added let me know, I never tag people because I don't want to impose anything on anyone but if you like it I'm happy too ♥️ ]

Your mind is completely clouded. You open your eyes and for a moment you don’t remember where you are, you rub your eyes, feeling your aching body awaken, the pain of every joint coming back to you. You reach out and press a spot on your stiff neck, a stab of pain shooting up your brain like a gunshot and then sliding down your spine, making you grit your teeth to stifle a moan.

You shut your eyes as images of what happened flash before your eyes, a piercing pain taking over your head.

You don’t know how much time has passed but when you manage to sit up, biting the pain between your lips, you see a bright light coming in through the dirty window, a speck of dust stirring in the beam of light that illuminates the messy bed, the crumpled sheets and the two people lying on it. Tess is on her side, her arms folded, her hands resting on the pillow, near her head. There is always a kind of tension in her, you see it even when she is sleeping, in her huddled body that seems ready to attack and unleash its claws on anyone. She is wearing nothing but panties and Joel’s shirt left open, revealing the outline of her breasts. 

She should disgust you, but instead as soon as you see one of her nipples poking out from under her shirt salive pools into your mouth. You put a hand to your forehead, overwhelmed by yourself, by what you feel and by a shame that creeps up inside you and makes your temples throb.

This is so wrong. Yet you would like to lace your lips on that little button and suck it, if only she would let you do it, if only she would let you lie next to her gently, allowing you to be the good pet she expects you to be.

Shifting your gaze to Joel doesn't help soothe your twisted mind. He’s on the other side, lying on his back, in his boxers, your eyes wander on the defined muscles on his chest, the softness of his belly, and a strip of sunlight hitting his abdomen highlighting hair leading to his groin. 

He seems carved out of a block of marble, skimmed by scars, exuding power and sex, the tips of your fingers graze your swollen lips and you still feel his taste, the weight of his cock on your tongue, his relentless thrusts, his hungry eyes on you. 

They must have fallen asleep, which gave you some respite even if you don’t feel rested at all.

You look at your thigh and it's still there, the pulsing sign that you should leave, just run while you can, sneak out of this place quietly and look for somewhere to hide. But you feel like a mouse in a cage, your body not moving an inch. You’re still untied; it would take nothing to reach the door and close it behind you. But what if they woke up? If they felt the bed lighten with your weight? You know they'd have you back in an instant. 

Your brain, you can't decide whether very stupidly or very wisely, thinks that it is better not to make any risky moves to stay alive. 

Helpless and desperate you lie back on the bed staring at the ceiling, the silence broken only by Joel's soft snoring.

Your arms spread across the bed as you sink into your thoughts and your fingers casually graze the knife abandoned on the sheets. The coldness of the blade sends a chill down your spine.

You have to do something for yourself. At least try. You cannot be so spineless. You move one leg off the bed, your eyes fixed on your captors, seeming not to notice anything so you move the other leg as well, letting yourself slide cautiously along the edge of the bed, finally resting both feet on the floor. You pick up the closest garment you can find on the ground, it's a Joel T-shirt, wide and long enough to cover your butt. You just have to get up, you can do it. Leaning your weight on your legs feeling your knees crack in the effort, you wonder what in your body is not sore. You are on your feet. Joel and Tess are motionless in the same position as before. You walk on the floor resting your toe and then your heel, silent and terrified like a prey trying to evade before falling into the lion's jaws, hoping that the wood will not creak under your gait. You reach for the door. You almost make it. Just rest your hand on the handle and lower it. A moment and you're out of here. As soon as your hand touches the cold metal you hear a voice behind you, “Where do you think you're going?” 

You feel your heart falling out of your chest, freezing where you are, your eyes at the door, your breath getting heavy.

“Turn around”

You do it slowly, praying you don't feel a blow immediately afterward. Joel is standing in front of you. “Please” your voice is a barely audible whisper ”please.”

Joel reaches out, grabs you by the wrist “no fucking way” 

He doesn't add anything more, he takes you back to the bed, forcibly lays you down and lies on top of you. His eyes look at you fiercely, he drops down next to your ear “maybe I was wrong about you, you're not the good pet I thought you were. Let me teach you your priorities straight“ he growls, his voice low, sharp. 

His body weighs down on you, completely overpowering you, his legs blocking yours, his hands resting on the sheets on either side of your face. 

"I give you credit for that. You were brave to think you could sneak away. But also incredibly stupid." His voice vibrates close to your ear, it is eerily calm and controlled, sounding as if it came from the darkest part of him, straight from his gut.

A lump rises from the pit of your stomach to your throat, sickening. "I'm sorry," you stammer, Joel's eyes lighting up with that sinister hue you now know like the back of your hand. 

He retrieves the knife from above the bed and places the blade under the fabric of the T-shirt, cutting through the sleeves and tearing it from the neck to the hem, reducing it to a shred of fabric lying beneath you. You tremble when the icy blade touches your skin.

His boxer-covered erection presses against your thigh, against your wound. 

Again you wonder what substance your mind is now made of because feeling him against you, demanding, claiming your body, makes your pleasure slide down your legs. You can feel it on your skin, a shiver, a wetness, a trickle of you leaving you to become his. You mold under him, relaxing your muscles, ceasing to resist, submitting to his stern eyes nailing you to the bed. 

He takes your hands and intertwines them possessively with his own as his legs push between yours, forcefully spreading them apart.

He crawls on you like a rabid dog, inhaling your scent on your neck, down to your sternum, reaching your breast, licking the skin above your ribcage “You were Robert's, weren't you?” 

His teeth close on one of your nipples, biting it, your back arches pushing against his mouth, demanding more. “This? It's mine now.” he whispers in a rough voice ‘This is mine too.’ he adds, twisting the other nipple, he moves one hand to your mound, grabbing it ”What about this wet pussy? She's mine too. I own you now. Make sure you don’t forget that, you little cock slave”

And you feel it again. The desire coursing down your body, clinging to your nerves, flowing into the middle of your thighs. 

It lingers on you deeply. And you’re pleading at that. Before you sense your own voice saying it, like it doesn’t belong to you, coming out of someone’s else body “Please” you babble “please, more” as he run a single finger through your folds.

Everyone you knew died. Every person you loved is gone, ruined by the spreading epidemic. Except your father, who passed away a few years before the pandemic broke out, obliterated by lung cancer. You still remember his jagged, exhausted breathing getting more and more labored, small and thin, until it died out completely. You still remember the smell of the hospital room, the dimness, your gripped heart, your silent tears. It was something you never wanted to see, the moment when death takes someone.  It stays inside, digs deep into you, rattles in the walls of your brain until one day it subsides and remains a creeping awareness you have to live with. A brick in your pocket that will forever weigh of absence, of pain, of lack.

And when you thought maybe you could make it, one day when the brick seemed lighter, pandemic came and your mother turned into a monster. From a fragile woman, still bent by your father's absence, to a ferocious beast with bloodshot eyes that tried to break your neck.

You had had to tear it down yourself, with your own strength, that thing your mother had turned into. And you couldn't explain it for days, or how you had done it, or what had happened. People were running around terrified, not knowing where to take refuge, not knowing if it would ever end. Until they came and loaded you onto trucks, promising to escort you to a safe area. What you were not told was that there was no solution, for some of you there was not even a place in the QZ. The epidemic took away not only the people you cared about but also your dreams, every hope you had for your future, every plan to become a good teacher, to accompany young minds in creating a better world. There is nothing left to create, only destruction.

You could have offered yourself as a teacher in the Qz but you had decided not to bow to a system that spread only government propaganda, instilling in kids that there was nothing else to believe in but FEDRA. 

And even in the face of desperation the cruelty had not stopped, some soldiers had tried to take you at night, traumatized and without strength, you had been saved only by the good heart of one of your neighbors who had defended you. You had jumped out of the truck, along with him and some other people, looking for an alternative that would never come. They had fallen like skittles, one after another. You were tired of seeing it, the cold hand of death reaching out to everyone around you. 

Your heart still aches horribly, but after all, a heart that hurts is a heart that works. And you're still alive. 

He takes the finger away and shoves it in his mouth, enjoying the taste of you and then he’s close to your ear again grazing you with his beard and graveling “I knew you were a little slut,” Joel's heavy breath warms your skin, driving your being back into your body. “When I'm done with you you'll want nothing more than to be my brainless whore”

You’re bucking your hips against him, mindlessly, while he takes your body with his mouth and hands, furiously licking, biting and groping your flesh, moving impatiently over you on the bed and waking Tess up. She takes a few seconds to focus, abruptly recovered from a deep sleep, but then you hear her dry voice, “oh, are you having fun without me?” 

Joel does not tell her that you tried to escape. which in itself is a miracle for you. He turns to her just a moment, leaving your nipple with a loud pop .

“Come” he tells her, and it's almost sweet. Almost. Tess comes crawling up on the bed like a feline and looks down at you, smiling cruelly. 

“Lie on top of her, make sure this bitch doesn't move” Tess nods, he makes room for her, and she crushes you with all her weight, her scarred back against your tits, as if you were a mat, clinging to your arms as Joel watches the scene smugly "Quite a picture" he growls.

He pulls down Tess's panties, tossing them aside. He does the same with his boxers.  “This is exactly what I want. Two pretty cunts all for me” 

He stoops to observe you both, his eyes roaming your sexes, his thumb touching you first, a creamy river in between your folds, and then Tess. She snorts “will you hurry up?”

“mmm you're not wet enough honey, but we can fix that”

“Honey”, you think he is the only person who can call Tess that. Anyone else would be out of balls in a heartbeat. 

He buries his face in her cunt and you feel Tess stiffen on top of you, her whole body reacting to the first touch of Joel's tongue. You seem to catch a glimpse of submerged fragility behind all that violence and resentment she always displays.

She grips your wrists in a vice as her hips rise toward Joel and a low, deep moan escapes from her throat. 

Joel's fingers run hard and calloused over your folds, collecting what drips from you and spreading it over Tess's pussy, mixing your essences, then returning to lick her. And you can feel her, crumbling on top of you, conceding willingly, every muscle in her asking for more.

Each lapping of Joel's tongue on her vibrates over your body like a wave, Tess's butt sliding over your folds, crawling over your clit, giving you reflex stimulation.

“Mmmm just like that, baby, that’s fucking good” 

She whines so sweetly under his ministration, an undertone so vulnerable and tender in her voice you almost think she turned into another person. And you are in the front row watching this, a silent witness to the other Tess, the one who still has a shred of humanity hidden within her.

It’s unique, you think, how sex with the right person, a person we care about, a person we share a path with, makes us. Defenseless, no mask to wear against the world. Even Tess, perhaps the coldest woman you’ve ever met. 

“Nice and drippy” Joel murmurs, nuzzling at Tess’s cunt “fucking gorgeous” 

He dips his nose in there, moving through her folds up to her clits, brushing the tip over it. “You smell so good, babe, such an nice mess for me to feast on” 

“Fuck” Tess gasps “just fuck me” 

“Yeah baby, I’m going to stretch you both so damn right” 

Tess rolls her eyes in twisted need, impatient like the bossy woman she still is and you whine like the shy mess that you are. 

So different and yet ready for the same cock. 

You noticed the way Joel’s voice soften when he speaks to Tess, the intimacy between them is palpable, in this moment you’re just an appendage. 

You want that desperately, belong to someone, to him, to her, to feel his voice and his whole body going unshielded for you. 

Joel spits into his palm and takes his cock in his fist, pumping it and then tapping the tip on her cunt, once, twice, three times, rubbing it on her folds, lubricating it with her juices, before getting it all the way inside her. Tess's body arches so desperately over yours, merging with Joel's as he begins to thrust inside her.

She thrashes on top of you, clinging to your forearms, pushing you back against the mattress, her hips swaying over yours again giving secondhand attention to your clit, now so swollen and needy that each thrust you emit a moan in sync with her, shyly participating in her pleasure. You bend your neck slightly to one side to look at Joel standing before you, bronze and sculptural, a cruel god who leaves you breathless. His chest glistens in the dim sunlight streaming in through the window, revealing tiny droplets of sweat beading on him, a grin painted on his face, brows furrowed, lost in Tess's wet walls, focused on pounding on her special spot again and again.

“You like that huh? You like this cock splitting you, yeah, I know you do, fuck you’re so drenched I could take a bath in it, all slippery and warm...mmm baby, just like that. Take it.”

He rests a hand on her belly to hold her more firmly, a sense of possession different from that manifested with you, purer and deeper, made up of silent, recurring gestures between them. It's as if you feel it all the way down into your stomach as he sinks into her, the forced closeness making you almost delirious, sensitive and wanting.

Tess is almost at her peak, sliding on you now unceasingly, her back kneading your breasts, up and down, your nipples impossibly hard against her skin, she stammers "there- there- I'm almost there- oh fuck"

"Not yet, baby, hold it back" he challenges her and she growls in disappointment and frustration, as he comes out of her. Joel brushes against you "it's time to put this slut in her place. You want it huh?" he roars as he looks at you "I can see it from here, you're flowing like a fucking river, clenching around nothing like a whore” 

His eyes sparkle with evil. He spits on your cunt, a glob of saliva right on your clit. He spreads it quickly over your entrance and thrusts into you unceremoniously, all the way down, in one breath-breaking stroke. "You're full now huh? Clench around my shaft, bitch” 

You feel your walls strangle his cock, eager to hold him inside, to belong to him, to be broken through. "Yes" you moan, not even sure why you had tried to run away from this anymore. Tess wouldn't even need to hold you with her whole body but you'll never say it, the way she bounces on top of you drives you crazy. You are back on the scene now, eager, drunk with a dark, all-consuming desire burning in your veins.

He grips your hips hard, digging his fingers into your thighs, going out and back in you harder, deeper each time, using your cunt as his personal toy, beating on your cervix as if he were to fill it with bruises. And you don't care, welcoming each thrust as if it were the last thing you will ever receive.

Your mouth proceeds alone, bellowing and wailing each moan like an off-key song you can't stop singing, irrepressible, obscene, feverish.

"You're tight for a whore, pet, but don't worry, I'll take care of it." Joel grunts, Tess echoes you, her harsh voice protesting uselessly to let her finish, her legs wrap around Joel's waist claiming him but he is focused on ruining you now with the cruel and unrelenting force he has not reserved for her.

Her nails sink into the skin of your arms, you feel them barely disconcerted by Joel's stabs but a tiny part of your brain knows they will leave more marks on you. 

There is nothing gentle about it, no attention, no care, just animalistic thrusts that make your body shake like an earthquake. 

You are less, obviously less, but you are still something.

Tess turns on you, looking into your eyes, lowering a hand to your clit, rubbing it furiously and then colliding it with her own, clit against clit, pressed together in sloppy kissing, hips rocking back and forth, sliding up to the point where Joel joins obscenely with you, seeking on her own the finish Joel has not yet given her by using your body.

“Oh fuck, yes,” she screeches, "here we go little slut, give it all to me" biting your skin on the marks Joel left, on your neck, on your tits, sucking your nipples between her lips, unrestrained. She's a wild amazon riding you, untamed, fierce and mean, teeth, tongue and hips demanding no permission and taking from your body what they want. 

And then again her hand descends between you to rub her clit as her knuckles press against yours, squirting letting out a guttural sound, flooding you, Joel's cock and the sheets. 

Joel growls at the vision “oh that’s fucking right, babe, yeah spurt all over me, FUCK, so good”

And you lose yourself, your sanity flying out the window with your attempts to escape, you are caged by Tess's body, hammered by Joel's cock, you feel their eyes on you looking fiercely, them calling you their slut again and again, that's all you can do. 

Tess pulls away from you, Joel holds you firmly by the hips, his face contorts into a grimace, he bites his lower lip as he thrusts himself possessively into you, reaches down and puts a hand around your neck, squeezing your pulse point, smiling cruelly as your air diminishes and your mind becomes rarefied “keep it up slut, milk me” and she scolds him “you can't cum inside her”.

“Fuck” he snorts "you're right". The grip on your neck loosens and you gasp, panting hard, trying to regain oxygen.

Joel slaps your pussy hard with his hand open, ordering: “on your knees, pet.”

You sit complacently on your lap on the bed, uncertain of what he wants to do. Tess is at your side, sneering. 

“Stick out your tongue for me.” He says harshly, Tess's hand bends your back, making you squat, waiting. 

“Good kitten” Joel grunts stroking his cock up and down, the angry red tip aimed at you. You don't realize it in time that long, thick, streaks of cum hit your face, your mouth, slide down your chin. You close your eyes just a moment before you feel his semen hit your eyelashes and run thickly down your cheek.

“Mmm now you look just like a proper slut” Tess giggles wickedly, then pauses "In fact no, we can do better". She grabs you by the arm, drags you naked as a maggot into the bathroom, and gets you on your knees inside the tub. “Hold still” she barks at you. You close your eyes, trembling, not knowing what to expect, until you feel something warm hit your forehead, run down your face, partially wash the cum off. An acrid, pungent smell makes its way into your nostrils. As soon as it reaches your lips you realize. 

You open your eyes, clouded by Tess's piss, her degrading gaze penetrating your bones along with Joel's laughter, standing in the bathroom enjoying the show. 

“Now you're perfect.”

tag list: @aurorawritestoescape , @baronessvonglitter

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

[wolpatinga]

[oh-no-its-bird]

Obkk modern au where where Kakashi and Obito are online friends who have never seen eachothers faces. It's a years long friendship (and mutual silent crush) where they've helped eachother through what was truly the darkest parts of eachothers lives.

But irl they also happen to know eachother from childhood due to having gone to the same schools and shared the same classes, and they fucking DESPISE the other. You can not stick them in a room without someone starting a fight.

When they interact irl, play into specifically the early dynamics of obkk, with kind of superficially happy/dumb Obito and a "follow the rules to the letter" grumpy overachiever Kakashi

But when they're online, play more into the older obkk dynamic.

Where Obito shows that he has a pretty big mean streak/humor and a serious talent for playing dumb; where he overlays his happier side irl for just social reasons.

While Kakashi shows he's actually super lazy and imperfect with most other factors of his life outside of work/school (and ofc downplays his actual work ethic when it comes to work/school, framing himself as doing bare minimum when he should really do more (bc he genuinley believes that)) and has a pretty wicked sense of humor himself, a love of over-romantic, fluffy porn, and a habit of using endless "cute" emotocons

Kk: Did my proposal today, it was so bad... I really slacked off this time on it. I was so nervous they'd tell me no (｡﹏｡")

Kk: I guess the other presentations must have been pretty bad too because they picked mine anyways? I feel so lucky (╥﹏╥)

Ob: it's ok even if you tried your best!! Im proud you were able to do even as much as you did.

Ob: I'm glad you got it, at least one of us won their proposal today. That jackass had a fucking 30 slide detailed slide with 6 DIFFERENT PIE CHARTS and a scheduled water break inbetween. Fucking kissass

Kk: nooo im sorry ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)

Ob: it's whatever. Just glad you got the thing :)

Ob: want me to kill your boss tho.

Kk: lol

Kk: I'll help hide the body ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

And then one day Obito does some sort of very mean prank on Kakashi. And it goes uhh. Badly.

I mean, badly for Kakashi. Obito thinks it went great!

That is till he gets home and finds his best friend for a decade, and crush for even past that decade, texting him about a very specific mean prank that got pulled on them.

Wait. No. Wait. WAIT. FUCK.

So like. Obito is a bit conflicted now. He doesn't know what to really do here??? Like. What if it ruins everything with his best friend??? But also hey best friend why the FUCK are you such a BITCH.

But also also, suddenly Obito is recontextualizing SO many of their interactions— from Kakashi suffering the devistating loss of his father when he was especially annoying, to explanations of why he reacted certain ways. And oh my god Obito is... also a kind of a bitch???

Obito has NO idea what to do and is just swinging so violently back and forth on what are really his only two options.

And sometimes he's like gleefully feeling vindictive bc after arguing with irl Kakashi, online Kakashi is ranting about "that same asshole again" at work, so Obito is like "I KNEW it was getting to u, haha you're NOT better than me after all!!!"

But then later he feels kinda bad about it bc like. Aw wait no he actually might have genuinley hurt the person he loves. And also he doesn't want to lose getting to see the real Kakashi, a mix of both of his masks, by fucking this up and choosing wrong.

Anyways Kakashi finally somehow figures it out on his own, they fight, they make up, they make out.

The end yay happy ending

There's an alternate universe where neither of them every found out about eachother and continued to be friends online and hate eachother to escalating degrees offline. But one day they start to slowly shift in dynamics. Irl they get closer and online they get so much angrier and more distant. Till we've swapped and now online they just have this GIANT fallout but offline they're actually in love now. And this continues till they're about to get married/no longer on speaking terms with eachother. And so on their wedding day they reach out again online but ONLY to hate on eachother like "oooo fuck you I'm so happy rn I just got MARRIED."

"Oh yeah you bitch??? So did I. And my husbands better than anything your ugly ass could ever pull"

"FUCK YOU MY HUSBANDS FUCKING AMAZING AND YOURS IS PROBABLY LOOKS AND ACTS LIKE SHIT"

"OH YEAH????"

"YEAH!!!"

"PROVE IT!"

And then they very sharply turn and take simultaneous photos of eachothers furious faces and then angrily, instinctivley press send.

And then they stop. And then they have a moment of dead silence.

And then they begin to have an actual, physical fist fight in front of the uncut wedding cake with ALL of their friends and families watching. And the photographers with their very ready cameras.

There was a lot of cake.

Yeah that was ah uhh. Interesting

The good news at least is now they have a photo of them fist fighting like they want to kill eachother while covered in wedding cake in a frame that says "happy marriage <3" on it, and they like to joke about it (to many, many peoples horror)

The end yay happy ending x2

If I were to write this fr I think I'd legally have to write both versions bc both are excellent

[etherealstar-writes]

I WANNA BE YOURS | LIONESSES X READER | PT 7

pairings: lionesses x reader

summary: in which you're accidentally added to a random group chat, not knowing they're all actually famous footballers, and obliviously end up having many of them competing for your love and attention.

part: seven

part one here

✦ ——— ✦ ——— ✦

THE NATIONAL DIVING TEAM

the REAL karate kid

good afternoon losers

and y/n <3

the imposter

hey

willybum

good afternoon you dumbass

and hello to you too y/n

the REAL karate kid

rude

how are you y/n?

the imposter

eh i'm doing fine i guess

stairway

is everything alright

the imposter

i got fired from work today 😔

lotte

what happened?

if you don't mind me asking

the imposter

so i told ya what i do for work yeah?

well i've worked for this company for the past

whole year as their main solo media manager

and then my boss found out that his good old

friend's son was looking for a job and he's also

a photographer and social media manager so he

decided to fire me and hire him instead to

keep his relationship strong with his old friend

the REAL karate kid

that really sucks

your boss sounds like a terrible person

the imposter

yeah he was a really difficult person

i am kinda glad tho ngl

i don't have to see his annoying face ever again

but back to job hunting again 😔

neev

if it makes you feel better

leah got head-shotted in the head

by lessi during training

the imposter

i really hope someone got proof of it

stairway

i gotcha

maya

HELP

lotte

got K.O-ed lol

willybum

this isn't funny

i got a full on concussion

i'll get you back russo

the REAL karate kid

not my fault you're a terrible defender 🤷‍♀️

willybum

EXCUSE ME?!

the imposter

dam

them calves 😮‍💨

has anyone ever asked you

to step on them?

neev

um y/n is there something you'd

like to share with the group ...

willybum

weirdly enough yeah

i have been asked that

elton

it was actually just y/n asking

on a secret account

the imposter

don't expose me like that 😩

meado

every time i open this group chat

i get deeply concerned for you all again

i don't even know who y/n is and i feel like

i should be concerned about her as well

the imposter

woah

meado

i thought we were getting along well 😔

stairway

well if meado is concerned then

i guess she's offering to pay for

our therapy so let's go gang

the imposter

also

why do guys always train and

play football together?

elton

oh you know

we just like to play football together at times

stairway

yeah

it's fun

the imposter

okay ....

who am i to judge

✦ ——— ✦ ——— ✦

THE LION KING SQUAD

russo

uh

so guys

i have done something

toone

oh no

that is never a good sign

le tissier

okay i'm intrigued

this is gonna be bad

wubben-moy

the fact that she's using the group chat

without y/n is not a good sign

stanway

is she about to introduce her new wife

to us or something? did you like run away

and get married in vegas or something?

charles

we literally saw her yesterday georgia

so if she had then that would be

insanely impressive

toone

is that why you weren't at training today?

greenwood

ella looked very lost today

it was worrying

russo

yeah

i ran away with y/n and we got married

toone

HUH

stanway

WHAT

charles

EXCUSE ME

russo

OF COURSE NOT YOU IDIOTS

not yet anyway 😏

but back to the point

leah was also in on this

bright

oh like that's any better

williamson

excuse me??

wubben-moy

here we go

russo

okay

so

you know how y/n's looking for a job yeah?

well leah and i thought we'd put in a

good word for her in our media admin so

that you know .... maybe she can get

offered a job here and you know we can

actually meet her and get to know her irl ....

stanway

that is actually ....

the most decent idea i've heard from ya

charles

yeah fr

hemp

oh my god y'all are such simps

stanway

shut up

toone

i do wonder when y/n will find out about

who we are or if she ever will

charles

nah she's got to find out soon with

the euros starting next week?

williamson

i reckon we tell her after the euros

wubben-moy

well that shall be eventful

part eight here

[jina1028]

Safe Place

Park Jisung x fem!reader

Categories: idol Jisung, older reader (mention of 'noona' once), kissing, making out, marking, oral (m rec), unprotected sex (don't do it irl), creampie, cuddling, really slight dom/sub dynamics (?)

A.N. reader being older is not essential to the plot (what plot?), so if you want just ignore it since it's just randomly mentioned once.

To me the term 'noona' is just a nice way for a younger man to address a woman they're comfortable with, there's no sexual connotation and in this case is justified by the fact the story takes place in Korea. I just thought Jisung would feel nice having someone older to take care of him, hence the little mention.

Plus I'd like older readers to feel more included just adding that little word, if you're uncomfortable or doesn't apply to you just change it with 'y/n' I guess.

Note that english is not my first language.

Enjoy~

~♡~

Your phone suddenly made a dinging sound, letting you know you received a message, making you stop on your tracks while you got up from the sofa to get some water. The sound repeated a couple times. You let out a sigh before reading the name of the person who interrupted your plans and opened the message with newfound interest:

Jisung P.

'Y/n'

'Are you free right now?'

'If you're busy it's ok, I don't want to disturb'

You smiled, you found him so cute when he sent those shy messages, imagining him gnawing on his lips while staring at his phone screen, instant regret on his features thinking he's somehow annoying you, even though you reassured him before that he can message you whenever.

You start typing, unknowingly making him jolt with surprise and apprehension when he sees the dots on his screen.

You

'I'm free'

'Wanna come over?'

Jisung P.

'Can I?'

'I'll just make a quick stop at the dorm to wash up'

You

'Sure, let me know when you're downstairs'

He sent you a little thumbs up emoji and you started to make yourself as pretty as possible. When Jisung asked for your attention it meant he needed to be taken care of, and those times you wanted to spoil him by looking the best for him. So you put on some cute, soft make up and wore your lilac, lacey lingerie, then hid it under some simple sweats and t-shirt to surprise him more when you would strip.

In an hour he was at your door, you let him in examining his tall figure, hiding his face under a black mask and hoodie, dark hair almost covering his eyes.

You greeted him "Jisung! Everything ok coming here? No one followed you, right?"

"Yeah, there were a couple of sasaeng outside the company building but they couldn't follow me much in the traffic, we're good."

You led him to the sofa, letting him sit down while he yanked his mask off and let his head rest on the cushions on the back, exhaling a nervous breath. You brought some water and snacks and sat down on the other side of the sofa facing him.

"What were you doing before coming? Did something happen? You seem nervous."

"Do I?" he chuckled "I was at dance practice. It was stressful, I had a little argument about some moves and changes in the choreo. I'm not satisfied, the comeback is approaching and I feel like where we're at right now is not enough, I don't know..."

He started telling you about his concerns and you let him talk, quietly listening and occasionally humming letting him know you were paying attention.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just rambling, didn't mean to bother you" he interrupted his monologue, looking over at you with apologetic eyes.

"No, it's fine, I like when you open up to me! You know you can tell me anything, I'm not the type of person to judge."

He smiled at you, soon breaking eye contact and sheepishly thanking you.

After a moment of silence you scooted closer to him, the movement making him shift his attention from the palms of his hands to your face, unconciously looking at your lips, then back to your eyes when he caught himself staring.

"Jisung, why, of all people, did you call me so urgently tonight? Tell me."

The boy fidgeted with his hands, biting a little on his lower lip while you rested your hand on his shoulder.

"I missed you... I need you."

You closed the distance between your faces until your lips slightly brushed. You wanted to test how much he was desperate this time: enough to ignore his own shyness and press his round lips to yours with an almost inaudible whine.

Your hands flew to his hair, making a mess of it with your fingers stroking and pulling his locks, while his large ones grasped your waist. Your teeth pulled on his bottom lip and a swipe of your tongue soothed it while Jisung eagerly opened his mouth to chase it with his own, tangling them, wet sounds filling your ears.

You pushed him against the back of the sofa to straddle him, experimentally rolling your hips once on his lap, earning a small groan and feeling his member getting hard against your crotch. You started rolling, picking up a slow, comfortable rhythm. His hands grabbing at whatever he could to try and ground himself, while your lips left his mouth to place wet kisses along his jaw and his throat and neck, nibbling at his side when he let out a low moan.

"Stop it-" he was interrupted by his own gasp "you'll leave a mark like that" he struggled to end his sentence between soft hisses and gasps.

"Just tell your stylists to put make up or a band-aid on it" you replied making him snort.

"That's what I told them last time, had to tell everyone I had a bruise."

You suckled some more before gliding your tongue on the purplish mark you just made.

"Well, technically that wasn't a lie."

You detached from his neck to admire the state he was in and you almost purred at the sight: disheveled hair, glossy half lidded eyes, wet, pink, puffy lips, a soft shade of pink dusting his cheeks and a darker one on the left side of his neck.

You took a mental pic. "So pretty" you complimented, making him smile and blush more.

You smiled back and took the opportunity of this little break to get up and take his hand to guide him to your room. You pushed him down on the mattress.

"Let's get rid of some clothes" you suggested, standing in front of him, slowly raising your t-shirt to reveal your lilac bra, watching his reaction as he seemingly stopped breathing. He only let out his breath when you finally removed your pants as well.

You smirked "I'm not getting on the bed until you strip down too" arms crossed as you watch him scurry to satisfy your simple request, your eyes traveling on his slim body, reaching him and stopping his hands when they came to his boxers.

You gently pushed him to sit in the middle of the bed and slid his boxers down yourself while he timidly rised his hips to help you.

"Now relax, baby, leave everything to me."

Jisung whined at the use of that little nickname and let his head plop on the pillow, closing his eyes, waiting for your next move, for you to take care of him.

You reached up to his lips for a chaste kiss, leaving a trail down his neck, chest, stomach, feeling every rise and fall of his breath, every tremble and shiver, every little gasp until you reached his erection, stiff against his stomach, so big it reached his navel.

You grazed it with your fingers, tracing every vein up and down a few times, savoring his little hisses every time you reached the underside of his tip, swollen and red, and finally circled it with your fist, not being able to close your fingers around it because of the size.

You started stroking it slowly and languidly, paying attention to every little reaction, then you approached with your mouth, lightly fanning your hot breath over it and observing the way he shivered at the sensation, soon taking a lick on the tip to elicit a moan out of him.

You loved to hear his voice, you found it so sexy, so you used every tactic you knew to make him produce any sounds, his voice going straight from your ears to your pussy every time.

You started a nice pace, licking and sucking, taking as much as you could in your mouth, slowly bobbing your head, circling what you couldn't reach with your hand and building up the rhythm based on his reactions.

You tried your best to keep your pace and look up at him, he was too pretty like this, face blushing, eyes squeezed shut, nose occasionally scrunching, so cute, lips parted, red, swollen from all the kissing and his own biting, letting out the most beautiful sounds, his shyness even now urging him to keep quiet but failing for the most part. And the dark mark you painted on his neck.

You kept sucking and pumping, tasting his salty precum, oozing out of the tip with every suck and every twist of your fist.

You could tell he was close when he started slightly humping his hips to meet your mouth, a hand snaking at the back of your head, resting in your hair, still not wanting to hurt you by forcing you on him despite you devouring him like a starved woman. So polite.

With a last suck you popped his cock out of your mouth, a whine leaving his own.

"Not yet, baby" you gently warned him, you were still not over. You climbed up his legs and straddled him once again, stroking your still clothed pussy on his length, the drenched fabric of your lace panties adding to the sensation.

Jisung's hands flew to your hips, helping you rub your clit on his shaft, his eyes wandering from your face, to your nipples peaking through your bra, to his cock appearing and disappearing beneath your swollen pussy, back up to your eyes again.

"Y/n, please, I'm close."

"Alright, hold on a little bit more, mh?" you caressed his cheek. With one hand you moved your panties to the side and with the other you spread his precum on his cock to lubricate it and aligned his tip with your hole to slowly sink down, biting your lips at the stretch. After a few moments of stillness and heavy breathing filling the room you started rocking your hips on his, wet sounds and low moans and grunts bringing you slowly but inevitably to your orgasm.

Your clenching signaled him you were close so he grabbed your hips and started pistoning up into you, hitting your sweet spot hard with each thrust, eliciting choked moans and little squeals from you.

Jisung was so lost in the feeling of your wet, hot pussy engulfing him, squeezing him, swallowing him, that he lost it the moment you reached your high with a whine and without a single thought in his head he came hard, spilling his hot, white seed inside of your clenching pussy. He kept shallowly rolling his hips in yours as he came down, little moans and gasps finding their way to your ears. He was ecstatic.

You kissed him slowly and finally you both stilled, then it hit him: this was the first time he came inside of you, the first creampie in general, actually. Wasn't this supposed to be something really intimate? Did you expect him to pull out like the other times? He guessed so, what if you got angry? Was he worthy, for you, of cumming in your pussy? He just knew he loved it and the possessive feeling that came with it, he was yours and viceversa.

He finally voiced his worries, "Noona, I'm sorry, I didn't warn you" his voice was low, his eyes looking up at yours with knitted eyebrows, silently pleading for you to not turn away from him for his mistake, as much as he would've liked to do it again and again.

You smiled, reassuring him, "Jisung, if I didn't want you to come inside I would've told you to wear a condom, right? Come here" you said softly, inviting him in your arms. Jisung slid his hands around your waist and used his weight to push you on your back, resting his head on your chest, inhaling deeply the sweet, fruity scent of your perfume mixed with your own. You started stroking his soft hair, relishing the feeling of his big hands pressing on your back, his breath on your skin, his lashes tickling you while his eyes fluttered shut.

"Stop worrying when you're with me, you know I'm your safe place."

Jisung already started dozing off listening to your heartbeat, but still managed to say one more thing before letting your soothing caresses lull him to sleep:

"I know."

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕊𝕙𝕪 𝕘𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕣 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ hi there, blade, jing yuan, welt and dan heng with a teen reader thats like nene kusanagi? :)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Hey hey! And omg yes of course! I love the crossover I get from pjsk and hsr honestly ^^ So hopefully you'll like at least a bit what I wrote!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ platonic

✧ Dan Heng honestly liked your shyness, you were like the only person on the Express who didn't chat that much so he found your presence quite relaxing

✧ but if you fine silences uncomfortable, he won't force moments when you two just sit next to each other silently and relax after long day

✧ bur silence is quickly broke by you playing your games and he realizes he was wrong... you're still not this bad but when your cheering gets louder within every day, it really makes him reconsider his thoughts

✧ it certainly takes him some time but believe me, he can get used and learn how to ignore your cheering, so he's back at finding your presence relaxing

✧ he doesn't mind your sharp tongue at all, in fact he's happy you can stand up for yourself- what do you mean it's only towards people you're comfortable with?!

"Eh... they want vanilla cupcake. What? And with sprinkles... Can't you really say it yourself? You were confident enough to insult someone's whole life in there shooting game of yours."

✧ that certainly surprises him but he realizes that when someone insults you irl, he'll have to be the one to step in...

✧ he doesn't mind your passions but be he's not necessarily interested in trying them out either... he just sort of accepts it like a hobby of any other

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane @toyaswif3y - come get your quiet but scary trabilazer!

✧ Welt is definitely trying to be supportive and he doesn't mind your shyness a bit, he finds it adorable and it makes him somehow hopeful you won't cause troubles despite being a teen on express

✧ but once you get comfortable and he hears how emotional you can get during your games? He's on...

✧ you know how parents always say "it's because of your phone"? Yeah it's him... but he just applies that to your mood swings and sharp tongue, and nothing irrelevant like stomach pain!

"Watch tour language. I understand they made you mad but you stiill shouldn't say things like that. How about you take a break? Himeko just made tea."

✧ at some point, he probably tried giving you screen time limit but he can't be too strict... so unless you're troublemaker, you'll get past few additional hours

✧ he finds it curious how your personality switches depending on how comfortable you are, but he figures out why it happens pretty quickly

✧ he'll gladly take you with express on any exploration so you can slowly get more courageful, but if you'll prefer to stay in with PomPom and probably Dan Heng too, he's not gonna force you

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@vodka-glrl - come get your father of the express!

✧ Jing Yuan is pretty interested in your personality and passions if being honest

✧ he didn't mind your shyness and when you started being playfully salty? He saw it as a little gift of seeing your real self after hard work of gaining your trust

✧ he doesn't mind speaking for you, he'll even lens you his ear what you want to say and he'll repeat it

"You know I don't mind you hiding behind me. But I'll have to ask you to not pull my hair, please?"

✧ also, he never takes your remarks too personally, he appreciates the friendly critique and knows that you're just being playful teen

✧ he loves listening about your games, movies and so on! In fact, he even asked you if he could watch or play a bit

✧ he's not great at gaming but with you carrying him, you still rarely loose and both of you have fun because somehow, Jing Yuan finds weirdest buts and easter eggs while wandering around

✧ he knows someone in Xianzhou who may share your passion for games... so he uses that to get you some new friends and hopefully to open up to more people

✧ that's really the only thing he might push you forward to, if you have trouble making friends, he has no problem with helping you find the right people

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane - come get your soft general~

✧ at first you were nothing like Silver Wolf to Blade, but after he saw how competitive and honest you can be... he finds so many similiar traits between you two

✧ you mean games made you so salty? What's going on with kids these days...

✧ but in the end, he couldn't care less as long as you worn annoy him

✧ and luckily for him, you're still rather shy so his intense gaze seems enough to make you go away and he'll use that fact

✧ but when you start getting more comfortable around him and Stallaron Hunters... he realizes it's not so easy anymore...

✧ you're not necessarily bothering him but he can hear your insults and remarks on his persona when you talk with Silver

✧ instead of 1 game fanatic who screams, yells and cheers after every victory or death, now he has to deal with 2... great.

"Keep it down you two. Don't forget where you are and what's our mission. Just because we're having a break doesn't mean you should give away our hideout. Because I can promise, I won't save you when enemies come."

✧ he really feels more on neutral end to you tho... you may talk behind his back and cheer and so... but you never tried forcing him into games he didn't like

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@vodka-glrl - come get your cold man!

[yayll]

https://www.tumblr.com/yayll/759326311116308480/havent-slept-yet-but-just-as-i-was-about-to?source=share

Hi, this anon again😅 haven't slept yet again...it's 6 am🙃. I just love the idea that Dazai with all his godlike intelligence is the kind of guy to see immediately what troubles or struggles his significant other has with themselves or in general.

If you have trauma he will immediately catch on, self esteem issues? Immediately caught on, mommy or daddy issues? People pleaser? He knows it, and many other things, he will immediately figure it out as you both date.

He'll probably even do little things that you'd think he doesn't understand how much it means to you, like validating you, making sure you always have a specific comfort of yours at hand, you'd think he just does it because he saw that you liked it, but it was because he knew what it would do for you, what it makes you feel.

Dazai sees you and he doesn't just see your traumas and things you struggle with of course, he first sees someone he loves unconditionally. Dazai knows you love him with all your heart especially after knowing about his past.

Dazai will tell if you're sensitive, if you're uncomfortable with loud noises, if you get emotional about a lot of things, if you're lonely around people, if you're masking your real personality around other people, if you've only heard criticism instead of any praise, if you've been undermined and seen as a second choice, Dazai will know.

And he will show you from the moment he picks up on everything, that you're never gonna feel like that again as long as he's there, and he will always be there. He will validate everything you always wanted to be validated. Dazai from the Port to ADA is very much "gun is love, gun is life" to "what is gun, what is this metal thing that can hurt another human being!?" An exaggeration of course but that's how he probably would be even though he's joking, but the second someone tried to mess with you, suddenly every training he had in the Port comes back and he's immediately shown to be this incredibly intimidating and ruthless man to anyone who tries hurt you.

Have a beautiful forever Hun💖🥺 I know you said in the last message you've had a rough time and I genuinely hope you're doing better 🥺💖 a reminder that you're so amazing and you deserve the best, you deserve to be happy and i wish you the uttermost happiness and love and good health, you're still so incredibly young, you have so much time to accomplish everything or anything you want, you're doing well, get some sun, hydrate yourself, sleep the best you can(because I know sometimes we don't always get enough sleep) and eat well💖🥺

I'll leave these emojis for now so you'll know it's me next time😅

- 🥺💖

HELLOOOOO my sweet 🥹💖

i'm so sorry i have such a late reply! i've been working on some writing and also quite literally irl so i'm just trying to catch up. you are amazing and i'm wishing u the best of health and happiness right back :') love is all we rlly have in this world. things are a lot better lately on my end and i hope you've been able to sleep comfortably even if it takes u a while! MWAH.

and also. i just rlly wanted to indulge those lil things you said about dazai because they are sooooooooo true. sooooo fucking valid. GUN IS LOVE GUN IS LIFE TOOK ME OUTTTT LMAO i actually love the way u talk abt dazai's highly intuitive side, it's quite literally what makes him so compelling as is. and in a relationship/partnership? oh it's a goddamn dream. he's like a hawk watching and registering your every mood fluctuation and the cause of it, tryinf to see how he can rectify it immediately. and i also FIRMLY believe he will use any and all past PM training to facilitate ur happiness should he ever need to. he'll be like:

"Hey, take five. You've been at it for hours now and frankly, it's boring watching you work."

"I can't, I'm so behind on reports and I'm helping out with the agency holiday party, I also need to-"

Dazai's eyes narrow, and shakes his head rapidly. Mission accepted, he thinks. He knows what you need, and if you won't cater to your needs, he'll have to just do it himself. He lives to see you at ease, because you deserve the entire world. You will not, under any circumstances, be stressed under his watchful eye... And he also just really wants an excuse to cuddle later without having to hear about dumb things like work. It's a win-win, and you don't have a choice! He sighs, and puts on his little performance.

".. You expect me, the great Osamu Dazai, to simply watch as I witness my favorite detective work themself to the bone?! Absolutely not! I refuse. Come, we're going to the cafe downstairs."

You groan as he pulls you, smiling in reluctance.

"Dazaiiii, i'm serious.. plus, don't you have like, a huge running tab there?"

He flashes you a sly smirk and a wink.

"That's why I have you, silly! Your philanthropic and generous heart is willing to treat me as your penance for being so stubborn. How noble of you. You really shouldn't have."

You roll your eyes, sighing deeply as you zoom out of the agency with him.

"The waitress there wants to kill you, you know."

You mutter under your breath with a playful smile. Dazai gasps dramatically and looks back at you, still holding you by the arm, tighening just a smidge.

"Oh, goodness! I'm quaking. well thank god i'm bringing you, my precious little scapegoat~"

Despite your feigned annoyance, your cheeks redden, and it's hard not to become endeared with how relentless he is in his pursuits to distract you. what a slack off, you want to kiss his stupid face until he shuts up. You might just have to.

"You're the worst, Dazai."

"Mm, what a weird way to say 'I love you.' I'll take it."

this is a silly little thing, but basically overly observant and on the case Dazai he just NEEDS to make you the happiest whether you like it or not!

i love u, mwah :')

-ivy

[arcane-vagabond]

Hey.

Go ahead and get settled because this will be...long, in true Liz fashion.

So, by now I'm sure most of you have heard what's happened. If not, you can search this blog for some answers or others for more.

I joined this fandom offiicially at the end of September after being a long time lurker. I had just lost my job and times were uncertain for me. I felt inspired to write, and as someone whose formative years were shaped by the fandom experience, I wanted to feel that sense of belonging again - to feel like a part of a community. I've talked about it on here before, but I started my fandom days in the original Hunger Games fandom when the first movie had just come out, and then I shifted gears towards the SuperWhoLock fandom. If you know anything about SuperWhoLock, then you know you had to have pretty tough fucking skin to be a part of any of it.

Of course, this was back in the day when fandom was an actual community and not authors having to beg for scraps of engagement and people thinking its a numbers game. I was a fairly large blog within the SuperWhoLock community (Waywardly-Carrying-On was the username), but I left fandom for a few years because life got hectic and I felt like I had outgrown the fandom itself as I was no longer watching any of the shows. As the years went on, I started to yearn for the fandom experience again, which is how I found myself dipping toes into several different ones.

I was so excited to publish my first fanfic. I had convinced myself that I wasn't a good writer (much to the chagrin of my irl friends), and I had put a pause on writing my original story. I wanted to write this idea about a cowboy and a girl using characters that I had grown to love like I did way back in my older days. So, I started posting, and I was so excited for the story, that I kept posting almost daily. MamaMay was one of the first people to embrace not only my story, but me as a person into the fandom. She made me feel welcomed and wanted.

Pretty much right off the bat I was already getting anons telling me that I was being too much and that I needed to calm down with all the posting. I was confused because...this is Tumblr. It's literally a blogging website? Why wouldn't I post? I decided to ignore the mean words (not before giving my opinion, of course) and kept on doing my thing. Well, the anons got continually worse and worse. I had a suspiscion as to who the anons could be, but I never had concrete proof. So, I experimented with blocking suspects until finally it worked. I'm not naming names because that's not my style, so don't even bother asking.

The fact of the matter is, some of you have entered fandom spaces for the first time, and you don't know how to act. You don't care to learn fandom etiquette as you've made abundantly clear by calling fandom olds every name under the sun while utilizing the anonymous feature. Newsflash, you're part of the problem. You're the reason why authors don't want to publish anymore. You are the reason that something that's supposed to be fun is starting to feel like a goddamn chore.

How many times can authors on here say that we aren't machines? We have lives outside of this website: family, friends, jobs, school, etc. Some of you really are just hellbent on making everyone around you miserable, and it's sad. You can't just leave well enough alone and let people enjoy something, no you feel like everyone has to enjoy it the same way as you.

Some of you go after authors on here because of some weird sense of jealousy too. I don't know why my shit blew up, babe, I really don't. But I started out with no followers and no support just like everyone else. I'll tell you what helped me though: following fandom etiquette and reaching out to other creators to build an actual community. None of this "I've reblogged three of your things and now I'm messaging you so that you return the favor." No, I reached out to make actual friendships which is what fandom is SUPPOSED to be. If someone was clearly not interested, it was fine!! I backed off and kept doing my own thing.

Some of you think being mean on the internet makes you big and bad. Guess what! It doesn't! It's loser mentality and I feel genuinely sorry for you. I'm sorry that people in your own life made you feel so small as to feel like you had to lash out at strangers on the internet who are just trying to have fun.

Anyway, this is my really long way of saying that I am taking a break for a little bit. I have no idea how long it will be - could be the weekend, could be a couple of weeks, could be forever. I need time to decide if this is something I want to keep persuing. If I come back, I don't know if I will remain a TGM blog or if I'll shift gears and hop into another fandom with a rebrand. Guess we'll just have to see.

To the people on here who have been a constant source of joy, laughter, and support: thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Your presence has meant everything to me, and I hope that my break sees me wanting to come back and giggle about the silly plane movie with you all again.

Nothing but love,

Liz 💛

[zushikiss]

may I request a scara college au, with him as our secret admirer, being sweet in the letters he sends us but irl being really rude and mean. He one day catches someone messing with us and then stands up for us and confesses everything in panic after that<3

summary ; scaramouche drops his "i don't care about you" facade to protect you from this annoying boy who just won't stop trying to get your number, he reveals his identity afterwards too ;)

warnings ; red for kazuha, orange for hu tao, green for alb*rt, scara threatens your admirer but none of the actual violence, just him saying he'll break a few bones if albert comes near again, cursing

pairings ; scaramouche x gn!reader

notes ; ahhh i love this idea sm, thank you anon! also i made the letters pictures so that it's easier to read <3

you showed off your dozens of letters to your friends, though they were disinterested since this wasn't exactly your first time ranting about your oh so dear secret admirer, in fact it probably was your nth time talking about him in that week alone, your friend kazuha takes a closer look at the letters before letting a small smile take place on his lips.

"The handwriting looks familliar."

"Huh? Really?"

"Yeah, looks like Scara's handwriting to me."

Ah yes, Scaramouche. The person who you were sure only existed to make your college life a living hell, he pestered you daily, borrowing simple stuff like pens and when you ask for it back he shrugs you off with a "i forgot it at home" or a "i lost it."

"That gremlin? Pfft no way, he hates me with his whole being."

"That's not a lot of hate now, is it?"

And with that your group errupts in laughter, you couldn't help but join in, but kazuha's comment made you think, what if it really was scaramouche writing to you? nahh it can't be, your secret admirer is so sweet, they even bought you your favorite snacks and drinks the other day, comparing them to that evil goblin is truly offensive.

And when you parted with your friends to go to your respective classes you kept thinking about kazuha's comment, I mean scaramouche is attractive yes, but you just can't imagine him doing all the things your secret admirer has done.

On your way to your class you bumped into albert, this creep who just can't seem to read the room, you've rejected him plenty times and you've ignored him for plenty more but he just can't seem to get the hint.

"Name! Oh yeah by the way, are you free tonight? Wanna have dinner with me?"

"Oh albert, I'm sorry but I have to go uhh study for a quiz.."

"Aww c'mon, it'll be quick i promise! Or an even better idea is why don't you give me your number? So we can make plans for when you're finally free."

At this point your back hit the wall behind you since albert just keeps getting closer, you're clearly uncomfortable and you pray to archons above that someone passes by and helps you.

"I really gotta go, I'll be late-"

"Class doesn't start for another 5 minutes, name. What do you say we-"

"Finish that sentence and i'll crush your skull."

Out of nowhere a familiar tuff of indigo hair appeared, his hands were wrapped around albert's collar as he pulls him away from you.

"Hey man?! What the fuck is wrong with you??"

"Name said they're gonna be late. If I hear that you ever come near them again, I won't hesitate to break both your legs so you won't be able to go anywhere."

And with that albert ran off, scaramouche looked at you, his eyes no longer holding the dark aura that they possesed not even a minute ago.

"You okay?"

"Yeah.. Why'd you do that?"

"..do what?"

"Save me? You kinda don't give off that knight in shining armor energy you know?"

"Cause what kinda sick fucker let's the person they like be harassed like that? I spent so much time asking around to know what your favorite foods are so I can get them for you and you think I won't punch a bitch for you?"

And when it finally sets in that he basically just confessed to you his first instinct was to run away, and so he did. He turned his back to you as he started walking away, you grabbed his wrist as a way to stop him before he looks at you, he looked adorable, his cheeks stained red while he averted his eyes, trying to avoid your gaze.

"Are you really?"

"Yeah, look just reject me and let's get this over with."

"Reject? No! You owe me ice cream since you finally introduced yourself."

"What."

"I'd like to go out with you, Scaramouche."

[mod-kyoko]

phone calls w/ kokichi oma

fandom: danganronpa

tags: drabble(?), fluff, reader is g/n, established relationship

a/n: happy belated birthday, kokichi

♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤

kokichi oma does not like phone calls. or texting, even. he prefers irl interactions. so when you call him he always makes sure to answer with an audible sigh. dramatized, of course. and truthfully, even though you're the only one he can stand calling, it still tanks his social battery.

you, on the other hand, love calling your boyfriend. at the end of a busy day, all you want is to hear his voice, and laugh at his silly antics. it's hard to tell whether his exaggerated moaning and groaning about being on the phone is real, because he has said before he doesn't like talking over the phone.

one time you had a particularly bad day. you spilled your favorite drink all over yourself, dropped your food on the kitchen floor, tripped and fell over. pretty much every tiny bad thing that can happen to a person happened to you that day. though they were little things, every inconvenience piled on top of your heart until it felt like it would collapse. at the end of the day when you'd fulfilled all your responsibilities, and could finally relax, you flopped over on your bed, phone in hand.

it rang three times before your boyfriend answered, and greeted you with the usual "y/nnnn, what do you want?? i was about to go to bedddd.."

any other day and you would disregard his whines, but this time his complaints only weighed heavier on your heart, and it might have well been your breaking point.

"kokichi!" you couldn't help raising your voice as the rage boiled over. "i had a really bad day, and all i wanted was to hear your voice! because..." your voice cracked, and before you knew it tears were spilling down your cheeks. you audibly hiccuped into the phone. "because hearing your voice makes me feel better! that's all i wanted. but if you don't want to talk then i'll go. good night."

you left him no chance to respond, and he was silent during your tirade. after jabbing the end call button, you tossed your phone across your bed and shoved your head into the pillow. the cushion muffled your cries and covered your ears, and because of that you almost couldn't hear the ringing from the other end of your bed.

"ugh, who is it..." hastily wiping your tears, you retrieve your phone, and gawk at the screen. the caller id shows that kokichi is calling you. kokichi, who has never dialed a number in his life, was calling you back. with a sniffle, you answered the call, and waited for him to speak.

"y/n, i'm sorry. i didn't know that phone calls were so important to you. although, if you wanted to hear me talk, you should have just said so. i guess i don't mind gracing you with the opportunity to listen to my perfect, angelic voice."

his apology might have turned egotistical, but you knew he genuinely cared. a chuckle escaped you, and you leaned back into your comfy bed.

"i really do love the sound of your voice, i could listen to it for hours. it's so soothing," you knew this would only inflate his self-image, but you had to let him know. soon enough, your muscles relaxed and you sank into your mattress.

"say less! how about i tell you about my day? i had the best idea for a prank, and actually pulled it off! my victim was keebo. god, he's so dumb i can't believe he fell for it!"

as you listened to him ramble, you felt your eyelids droop. your body was ready to get some sleep, and you figured kokichi wouldn't mind if you fell asleep during the call. he would probably be excited to get off.

"and so i pulled the string, and he chased after the dollar like a dog! what an idiot! apparently robots can't run really fast, so i ran away with the dollar. watching him slouch over in defeat and give up was gold. oh! i got it on video! i'll send it to you."

by the time he finished his story, you had already dozed off.

"y/n?" he called out. "y/n?" he was met with silence again. "oh, you're asleep." he lowered his voice into a whisper. "i guess i'll go to sleep too." those were the last words he said that night, before the both of you were asleep.

the next morning, when you awoke and grabbed your phone to look at the time, you realized that neither of you had ended the call, and were delighted to hear kokichi's low snoring on the other end.

your face heated up at the thought of kokichi left leaving the call going all night just for you, that he was so vulnerable to sleep next to the phone with you. you didn't want it to end, so you put the phone down and closed your eyes, listening to his steady breathing.

all-night phone calls became a frequent occurrence between the two of you after that.

♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡

kokichiiiibffmmnmlsdffmf

-mod kyoko

[macsimagines]

yo its me about the camgirl thing and uh could you do it for kisaki and kazutora?

I've been busy all day and week but THIS ask has been haunting me and i'm so happy to finally write it, thanks for sending it in I might do a part two IDK

TW: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, MINORS DNI, VOYERISM, NSFW, STALKING, MANIPULATION, DUBCON, KISAKI AND KAZUTORA ARE THEIR OWN WARNING, DADDY DOM,

Yandere! Kisaki Tetta

Met you IRL first, as an office worker doing part time. You were a very dedicated and kind person, you had that genuine charm about you that told him it wasn't just an act. You really did care.

He was confused because despite the many offers from many of the men in the office (that he owned) you never took an interest in any of them.

"I can take care of myself, I don't really need anyone to do it for me." Ya right. He payed his workers good, but not that good for a part-timer.

Then he did some research and dug up your true gig. The CAM GIRL persona you had was extremely popular, and that fact drove him INSANE.

He hated that this what you reduced yourself too. Revealing and demeaning yourself for the money... Still all the anger and shame in the world never stopped him from making his own account and dropping waaaaay too much money in your donation bin.

"Ooooo~! Another big donation from 'darkhero'! Thanks, Daddy! I'll put on a special show just for you~!"

He feels so sick and gross, but none of that stops him from pulling his cock out of his pants and moaning along with you during your show.

He buys out your private shows, buys you all the best toys and lingerie and then has you display them for him so he can makes sure his baby girl is having fun playing with all her new things.

"Da-daddy~! Its too much," you'll whimper out riding the new thrusting toy he got you, with the pretty pink plug vibrating in your ass. [You can take it, be good for daddy and keep going~] he'll type out, smirking to himself because he knows just how to break you in the best ways.

"You're honestly really good at this," you tell him one night after his private show, "I'm not just saying that. You'd make a good dom, ever think of making your own channel." and he likes hearing you be genuine with him. He knows what the truth sounds like coming from you.

[I only want to be your Daddy. No one elses, Kitten.] and he really like the way you smile at that. What he likes better is that you start to reach out to him first.

[Interested in a private show? I'll give you a discount?] Now that's too good, Kitten. He has you hooked on him just as badly as you have him hooked on you.

He indulges every time, god knows he has the capital to afford all the time you want to give and then some.

Kisaki is a possessive man though, and he can't take it anymore eventually. Sharing you with all these other unworthy and filthy people who only want your body. He knows you, the real you. No one else deserves you like he does.

Using his connections he has you account banned for something incredibly minor. But your site is completely doxxed, and soon you're running out of money.

Now you're working full time in Kisaki's main office. Where he can take care of you and keep an eye on you.

Yandere!Kazutora Hanemiya

Is completely infatuated with you. Found your camgirl page on a long lonely night. He hasn't gone on dates or even tried to pull women because he's too filled with guilt to even think about being happy with another person.

So he's just scrolling through and finds one of your videos, the stream is starting in like 5 seconds and he figures he'll just give it a shot and if he doesn't like it then he'll go to a different video, right?

Your profile picture is cute, and you're just his type. The video is a special freebie, so maybe it'll be a good one.

"Welcome home, Darling. Long day~?" you say on the other side of the screen, and Kazutora can't help but roll his eyes. It must be some type of roleplay, and he's honestly not trying to use too much of his imagination.

"The hell would you know?" he hisses ready to exit out when suddenly, "Aww don't be like that baby, I can make you feel all better," you promise almost like you could hear him. Like you were speaking directly to him... "I can make all the stress go away," you whisper trailing a finger along your exposed thigh. He really liked the nighty you had on....

Kazutora feels himself get hard a little too quick. Something about the airy way you make your promises and the just warm feeling filling his hollow chest has him so... enraptured by you.

"How's that?" he'll ask despite himself, and when you smile so sweetly at the camera (more like at the influx of donations you're receiving) he's pulling himself out of his sweats.

"Lean back, baby," you order, so gently that Kazutora actually does as you ask, feeling his tense shoulders go lax. He watches as you pull out a toy, smooth silicone that's no where near as large as him, and lick it up and down, "Does my mouth feel good, honey?"

And he almost grunts out a yes as he moves his hands up and down to simulate your own movements... It doesn't take long and he cums, but he doesn't stop. He just keeps going until the overstimulation borders on painful.

After that night he tunes in over and over and over again. Just to watch you, his darling that loves him and takes care of him. He's a huge donator on your channel, and he's always buying personal chows from you when you offer out slots.

He'd buy all the slots if it wasn't for that dumb one per person fucking rule. But he made multiple accounts, because he's your darling and you don't need to show off for others!!!

Kazu always asks for the same scenario, the house wife! You guys are already married, he's sure of it. And you're such a good wife, saying all the things he loves; "I love you so much, darling~! You make me feel soooo good," you moan out riding the dildo that he bought you. "I know you do baby," he'll whimper back, pumping his cock at the same pace your grinding on your toy, "Love you so much, sweetie. My baby, all mine."

This goes on for months. Not because he wants to only have you through the screen but because finding you took so much longer than it should've! Silly baby, used so many different security blocks that it made it hard for him to find you.

But when he did, he was so happy! He can finally take you home. Where you belong.

[butch-reidentified]

Yet another time someone has sent me a screenshot from this random woman spreading 100% baseless, very obviously made-up ('i wonder if") bs about me due to who knows what deep unfulfilled need of hers, though she's never had the spine to come for me directly in any capacity. I so do not understand why I'm coming up again now, given I've not been on tumblr much for months, but 🤷

I'm not going to tag her like I usually would bc I have less than zero desire to invite that toxicity into my life so directly atp (I've @ ed her in the past when she started doing this ages ago), but I am gonna say something ab both the accusations she makes/spreads and ab the behavior itself.

She's been spreading unhinged rumors about me being into men for literal years, including accusing me of fucking my brother, and apparently doesn't find it at all fucked up to be harassing a lesbian trafficking survivor with literally COMPLETELY baseless accusations of sex with m*n (which I have never remotely desired and as I've literally made memes about, would sooner die) just bc I didn't think her treatment of macroclit was entirely fair, as the person who had actually known macroclit for years irl before even being on radblr. I don't necessarily think I would do/say all the exact same things now that I did at that time, for deeply personal reasons I don't owe anybody an explanation of, but that doesn't justify any of the toxicity on her part.

I don't think it's acceptable or even non-lesbophobic to act like lesbians need to be a complete monolith when it comes to their experiences with bi women and views. Nothing I ever said claimed lesbians can be into men or anything of the sort, nor supported polilez, and outside of shit like that, I don't think we need to all have the exact same takes on every single issue down to the smallest nuances.

I also don't think it's acceptable or feminist to completely invent and spread rumors about other women like some wannabe Regina George, as if women don't face enough of that stereotype already. Especially if these rumors undeniably play on themes of your target's trauma history. Especially when you yourself certainly know you're completely inventing said rumors, that they're purely weird parasocial (& blatantly dishonest) speculation.

yes, macroclit is my ex, and we were friends after dating but never "fwb." we did not "meet up and have 3sums," we met up and watched movies and went clubbing, and we have not even slept together since like a couple of years before she realized she was into guys. yes i had a "poly" experimental phase in/around my college years - and I'll admit I didn't formally & vocally end said phase until long after it had materially ended - but this was with exclusively other women, as should be fucking obvious, and frankly was mostly in name only; I just never had any meaningful urge to seek out more partners, and tbqh have never had a very high sex drive. I don't fuck anyone but my wife atp & very much don't want to (nor did I want to feel like I had to air my entire sexual history on tumblr to thousands of ppl).

idk what need is being fulfilled by doing shit like this, i rly cannot fathom it & have never in my life engaged in this behavior toward any other woman. in all honesty, I thought it was just a fully fictional misogynistic stereotype that women do this at all, bc I've never known anyone who does. I've seen rumors spread ofc but usually airing ppls real dirt or exaggerating it, not just lying outright. wild.

all that said, if you want to go toe to toe regarding actual irl feminist action, lmk. otherwise, fix your own shit and drop your obsession w imagining me liking d*ck, it's super creepy and weird.

[dimdiamond]

I have so many mixed feelings on Toshiro (aka Shuro).

Like he has the DADDY issues ever. Laios has too but Laios is in the opposite direction of "I'll never make my father proud, I can as well do my thing" while Toshiro is still trying to follow his father's wish and demands.

Like he couldn't care LESS about his servants. He doesn't treat them badly but he barely treats them. Does he even know their names? (Yes, it's because of daddy issues but at some point we have to stop accusing the parent and start to see our own faults)

Like he was just a boy who liked bugs and getting dirty. And then saw Falin who liked bugs and didn't mind getting dirty and thought "if I take her as my wife and my dad meets her and finds her interesting then maybe he will finally find me interesting too".

Like he showed more than necessary interest for another human being and he made it his whole character (oh, yeah, I'm the one who loves Falin, look how long I can go on sacrificing my needs for her SHUT UP YOU'RE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU FEEL GUILTY AND HOPELESS NOT FOR FALIN'S SAKE).

Like he had ONE person to find him interesting and he couldn't be sincerely thoughtful towards him. Yes, I know how it is to spend time with someone you find boring and have no connection but it is unfair to let the other be in the dark and I am the one who is in wrong here, not the other person, no matter how much they irritate me. Do I think Toshiro finally snapping and fighting with Laios is a good thing for both of them and their future friendship? Absolutely. Do I also find it cruel towards Laios? Absolutely, the boy becomes even more insecure after that, Toshiro could handle it better.

Yes, it is a cultural thing as well and I am aware Asians and, specifically for this character, Japanese have different approach in socialising and what is proper and acceptable, and I see how Laios and Toshiro show the clash between ignorant white man and Asian man that suffers from it, but we can't ignore that there are other Asian characters who don't act like him. Izutsumi? Rin? Heck, even Kabru could be considered! Others too! Even Toshiro's brothers and family! They're all different characters thar deal with their identity and their own trauma and experiences in their own way (and let's not forget they're not the focus of the story so we can't know everything about them or how they would react to everything or even their thoughts).

Could Toshiro be neurodivergent as well and had learnt to mask? It's very possible and it would make sense in many aspects of his character!

Is he a bad guy? No, of course not! Has he made mistakes? Many, of course! Has he shown good qualities? I doubt Laios party would consider him a friend if he hadn't and after his fight with Laios he gives the bell to Laios and still wants to help in whatever way he can.

As most of dunmeshi characters, he falls too close to reality and he gives me mixed feelings- even relating to him some times! But I can't deny the fact that, although an interesting character and rightfully liked by many fans, if I met someone like him irl I would dislike him.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Was I the AH for making a joke no one told me they didn't like?

This happened back when I was 12.

I was pretty... not popular, but friends with a lot of semi-popular figures in a certain fandom. I know you aren't supposed to be on social media until you're 13 and all that, but it was a good while ago [2019ish] and I was a kid who never made friends IRL.

One of my friends [16, I think?] had a delusion [it was a diagnosed disorder they had and told me about, if I remembered I would tell you, MAYBE OSDD but I think it was something else] that they were one of the characters from the show the fandom was about.

I had other friend groups into the same show, and I would often make jokes "pretending" to be one of the characters [usually just posting a memed up version of a screencap and mimicking the speech pattern of the character], which would land well and make them laugh, so I saw no issue using this joke around the friend with delusions [who I'll call Lucas]. I only did it twice.

The first time I didn't notice anything different, but the second time they started treating me like this character [who I later learnt but didn't know at the time Lucas recalled having memories of being in a romantic relationship with]. Lucas was the only person I knew who had these types of delusions, so I didn't know what to do and just went along with it until they, uh... "snapped out of it", I guess?

Soon after, I was added to a group chat with a few other people. All of them were 16, except for who we'll call Dawn, who was 12 or 13, and who was the leader of their whole group. I'll call the other people Rosa [someone who I had gotten in a huge argument with before for a reason I don't remember but I think she started it and I overreacted, if this was about that it'd probably be YTA or ESH, but I apologized and we didn't really talk anymore], and Nate [someone who I hadn't ever talked to outside of a large group setting]. Lucas was also there in this group chat.

They were staging an... intervention? They were basically making me explain my actions and were telling me how I was a horrible person for "tricking Lucas into thinking I was this character". Lucas wasn't very responsive to the situation, and I was pretty sure Dawn was the one who orchestrated the whole thing and roped Lucas into it, maybe as a confidant or something like that. Rosa brought up how awful I was to her before, and how she never forgave me even though I thought she did. Nate also brought up how "aggressive and violent" I was, citing one of the only times I had talked to him [which I thought was just a funny way to greet someone, akin to like "*knocks a door off its hinges and it explodes everywhere, I take several minutes trying to put it back together but it clearly isn't done well* Hi guys"], using a screenshot he had taken MONTHS prior and had been saving for that moment, he told me.

I was supposed to go out shopping, so I couldn't keep on checking my phone without my parents getting suspicious of me. I was also hyperventilating and kept on having to take breaks to make sure I didn't freak out. I kept on trying to reply to things in chronological order, and they were getting more and more progressively upset. I told them the first part about my parents getting suspicious, and one of them even told me that "your parents should know what kind of sick fuck you are, maybe then you'll understand your actions." Eventually, we DID go shopping, and I couldn't reply for several hours.

When I got back, Dawn and Rosa had made several call out posts on their social media each, and I had several DMs from other people about it. I couldn't read the posts, and all I did was deactivate my account. I couldn't post art I had done online until about a year ago, couldn't even think about the show until a few months ago when my friend wanted to try it out, and I still can't go onto that social media platform because it makes me so nervous and I can't breathe, afraid that someone will recognize me even now and "expose me". Lucas wanted to keep in touch, but they were a bit clingy and only came to me when they were having mental breakdowns. I couldn't handle the constant reminders, so I eventually deleted their number.

Note: while I am very safe about my identity online, these people [at least Dawn, since she said how old she was before me and even showed pictures of herself in cosplay online before, she WAS very 12] did know what age I was [I had lied about it before then to other people].

I still feel really bad about this, and I was wondering if I really was being an asshole. Maybe I was just being biased because I was the one being persecuted? I don't know. Maybe I was the AH because I was suffering from the horrible illness sweeping the nation called being 12 years old?

I'm sorry if this is a little silly, but I'm 17 now and this is still a part of my past I'm ashamed of.

Could you tag this post "12 year old confrontation" so I can find it? Thank you. Sorry, again.

What are these acronyms?

[olderthannetfic]

hii! does anybody have any advice on how to feel okay with not having friends? i spent years abroad, so in the meantime my irl friends from hs found other friends to hang out with who they seem to like more than me or else are very busy with work and uni and such. which is cool, good for them for having such a vibrant social life, but it feels like they have no room for me anymore and i'm a person who can't make friends that easily. i don't drink or smoke, and i feel uncomfortable in big gatherings and feel better getting to know ppl one-on-one over a longer period of time, but that makes it hard for me to connect to ppl bc most irl people don't have much patience or already have their own established friend group and little old me doesn't hold their attention.

i'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks, so hopefully that will give me the necessary social interaction plus i have a great family, so i'm not going stir crazy, it just hurts a little that my friends don't bother to text me for days if i don't text them first or invite me out to places. and i'm trying to make new friends, it just doesn't come that easy and in the meantime i wish i could just feel at peace w being alone instead of questioning why people don't want to hang out with me or why i don't feature into their leisure plans. (not that i'm blaming them, it's just that it's hard not to feel inadequate.)

so yeah, anyone have any advice on how to feel at peace w being alone? like, maybe i'll never manage to make new friends or make new connections, maybe through lack of trying, maybe through lack of luck, idc, i just want to be enough for myself, but i don't know how.

so any wise words are appreciated and thank you, OTNF, for letting me vent in your inbox :)

--

Well... those feelings are pretty common and a natural reaction to the situation. You may not really get rid of them entirely, but you can accept them as a natural part of things and not a sign that anything has gone wrong.

HS friends rarely stick with each other even during college, let alone after, so you would likely be in this same boat regardless. Making new adult friends can be a pain, but it's something most of us face multiple times even if we luck into some good friend groups at points and even if we're more social.

The thing to do for many people is to keep busy with hobbies. A crafting meetup or book club isn't usually massive. I know you don't like groups, but nobody is going to go off one-on-one without meeting you in a group context first. Finding some more manageable groups to meet people casually and see if you click is how most people do it. The only way to get to know people over time is to show up in the same places with the same people a lot.

--

Another important thing to realize about adult friends is that many of them won't be good about texting you or inviting you because they're all out of energy for doing that with anyone. Maybe all of their energy is reserved for a job. Maybe for a child. Maybe for a romantic partner.

Even if you're their very best friend, they may still not respond much at certain times in their life. If you guys are just post college, maybe that's not the issue yet, but it will be at some point.

Every single book about the plague of loneliness and how people suck at maintaining core friendships outside of their household is fixated on this. People suck at recognizing when they aren't putting enough energy into maintaining relationships.

I would axe that hangdog attitude about little old you not holding people's attention. They probably just aren't allocating time to building friendships at all.

--

Liking being alone has a lot to do with loving yourself in general and having hobbies and things you want to have time for that are solo pursuits.

It's also about not waiting to do things like go to a restaurant you want to check out. Go alone. Go with a book. Anything can be a solo activity unless it literally mandates 2+ people. Missing out on friend time shouldn't mean missing out on everything else, but a lot of people let it become that.