#and either way we will have to wait and see what the majority judgement is

[hissterical-nyaan]

what is the difference between queer union and queer marriage?

:') I'll let you know when I know it too lol

My whole queer group of law students are scratching their heads rn. This judgement is incomprehensible

The judgement document will hopefully be uploaded by evening so we will be having a reading of it to dissect the actual gains we're getting. I'll keep yall updated! It's a little hard to understand especially for non law people

[littlemissaddict]

So I seem to have a thing for Steve lately, so apologies in advance for all the Steve pics coming your way.

Also this is a follow in from It Feels Like I'm Drowning With No One To Save Me which can be read here.

It happened again. She was currently laid staring at the ceiling of Steve's room, her eyes unfocused and heavy with sleep that would not come all the while Steve slept soundly beside her. She had tried over and over again to try and lull herself to sleep using the same tactic Steve had used the last time she'd stayed over but to no avail so it looked like she was going to have yet another sleepless night. Although in the stillness it did leave her time to wonder how Steve had even learned the meditation in the first place as it didn't seem like his type of thing.

And if anyone would know then she would as she'd known Steve for a long time, practically all her life considering their mother's had been very good friends. They'd always been close, even through his ‘King Steve’ phase where he'd made it clear that if anyone messed with her then they'd messed with him and he wouldn't think twice about making the rest of their time at school a living hell. And now they were dating, not that anyone was surprised when the two of them had made it public, so surely if meditation was something he did then she would know about it.

“You know you only have to ask” Steve's mumbled voice startles her away from her thoughts, his voice seeming so loud in the silence of the room.

She turns her head to find Steve, who was now on his side facing her. When had he turned over? She could have sworn he was facing away from her last time she'd glanced over at him but more importantly how had he moved without her realising? After all she was awake, laid in the same bed and yet she didn't hear the rustle of the sheets as he turned or felt the shift of his weight on the mattress either. Maybe she had fallen asleep for a little bit after all.

“Or I can just go back to sleep” he added after her silence which he took as a no.

She shook her head, a weak please leaving her lips.

A quiet laugh rumbled in his chest as he propped himself up on his arm, his other hand reaching over to brush gently against the soft skin of her cheek. The action was enough to have her eyes fluttering shut and a content hum echoing from her as she felt herself relax a little more into the bed as Steve's voice took on the same tone as it did last time as he started to try to talk her down.

Only that final thought of how he had come to learn this seemed stuck in the forefront of her mind and she was struggling to fully relax as she did last time. Steve seemed to notice as well, “What's going on in that mind of yours, huh?” He asked, voice still soft and holding no judgement or discontempt towards her for keeping him awake.

“It's nothing really, just curiosity I guess” she explained, not wanting him to worry that it was anything major like the last time. Steve hummed in acknowledgement, waiting for her to continue but in her own time, there was no rush to his actions as he began to brush his fingers softly up and down the bare skin of her arm more than content to just lay with her and listen to her talk. “Where did you learn this? Meditation” she adds just to clarify.

Steve's fingers are still in their movements, if only for a second before they start again. “Family Video” he says simply as if it explains everything, though it only leaves her with more questions and Steve so intune with her can tell. “It's mainly movies but there are some documentaries and sort of lifestyle stuff, it was a quiet morning and we thought we'd just kill some time” he starts and she settles in, the sound of his voice and knowing that her curiosity is going to be answered has her relaxing more than his earlier words had. “Robin had come across, well I don't know what it's actually called but she called it hippy shit and well we put it on just to see what it was like and I don't know, I wasn't actually expecting it to work last time I just figured we'd give it a go and if it didn't we'd laugh about it” he finishes with a shrug.

“But it did work” she replies, her voice just as soft as his, almost as neither of them wanted to pop the little bubble they had found themselves in.

“It did and I watched a few more, figured they'd help the both of us” he revealed and she knew what he meant without him having to go into detail.

She'd not been present within the group for the whole upside down episode of their lives, it was Steve's decision to keep her in the dark to protect her, but she knew about it. Steve having broken his nda after she'd asked about his scars multiple times. It was a wonder none of them had come out worse than they had. The kids, well they weren't really kids anymore, seemed to bounce back to normal but then again she hadn't known them before and she didn't see much of them as they were all away for college. She knew Eddie had almost lost his life and made it out due to the quick thinking of the others though it had been a long road to recovery for him. Then there was Steve, with his beautiful soul and his protective nature for her and his friends, he had moments where he'd be completely overwhelmed and panic would set in and she'd have to step in, remind him where he was, that he was safe, they all were.

“And does it?” She asked as she worried about him just as much as he worried about her.

He shrugged the best he could while still laid on his side, “haven't had to try it yet, I'm hoping I don't have to but it's comforting in a way to know that if it happens when your not here then I have something to try to avoid losing myself to the panic”

It's hard for her to hear him say it but she knows it's harder for him to be so vulnerable, even with. “You know maybe we should record each other talking through it so we're never truly without each other” not that they ever were considering they were practically attached at the hip.

“Yeah, you think that would help?”

“Well no one brings me more comfort than you so yeah I think it would help” she smiles softly, rolling over onto her side to face him and snaking an arm around his upper torso before burying her face in his chest with a deep sigh.

“Okay you got yourself a deal but now you've had your curiosity answered do you think you can sleep or do you want to try again” he asks, more than happy to stay awake just that little bit longer to watch the thoughts wash away from her as she relaxes and her mind quietens enough for her to finally get some sleep.

“I think I'm good now Stevie” she smiles sleepily at him, “I love you” she adds as she finally closes her eyes feeling the heaviness winning as she snuggles closer into him.

He can't help but smile back as he shakes his head at the nickname, “I love you too honey” he replies as he tries to settle down back to sleep with his love now content and wrapped in his arms.

[fostercare-expat]

There’s a big meeting coming on 16 May about the care plan for the 2 boys. It seems highly unlikely that either boy will get reunited yet. I’m hopeful there at least is some services assigned to Mom and boyfriend with criteria for what needs to be achieved in order to have the boys, or at least Younger Brother back home. I’m guessing this would be a 6 month timeline maybe. But that’s guesses only. The other foster mom just told me that she and her husband aren’t sure if they are willing to do another 6 months. They are both reflecting and will decide later. There is no way I can take both boys. Older Brother is just too much of a handful. (Even ignoring former husband’s silliness). The other challenge is that if the other foster family says no, then I don’t think the government can find him a foster home as he’s a challenge, he’s older and his foster family would need to be the same religion food rules as him so there’s just no way there would be a foster family for him. So he’d be living in a group home and the older boys will sense his weakness and he will not do well there. He’s a sensitive, anxious 10 year old. And because other foster family and I are not biological family, I didn’t even think they would let us keep up a relationship with him by taking him out or visiting him. And we see how little effort Mom put in even when things are easy on her, I don’t see her doing much other than letting him rot in there. I feel like we are all playing a role in the destruction of a beautiful child. I know the huge majority of the responsibility lies firmly on his Mom’s shoulders and I really want to have a hard conversation with her and shake her a few time to wake her up to the lifetime of damage she is doing to her kids. The social workers seem very focused on observing and waiting for her to do things in this phase. No judgements or guidance about what she needs to be doing to be a better parent. It’s feels almost like they are endorsing this hands off approach. I hope that will all change after the 16 May meeting. I think a new social worker gets assigned and the case moves from the Investigation phase to the Intervention phase. But I have some things that I really need to say to her. I’m not sure if I will “ask” permission from the social workers or just go head and do it privately, but she needs to hear that her lack of communication or interest in her boys and her choosing her boyfriend over them is causing deep psychological damage. I think I can communicate it in a way that isn’t full blame or maybe I can’t. But at some point I’m going to explode so I need to do it before then in a planned way.

[butmakeitgayblog]

Ok, I have a question about your Midwestern au. And I've tried to figure the answer out by myself, but ???? So I figured I should just ask. When you say Midwestern, I feel like you mean, and other Americans infer, that phrase to mean something specific about, maybe, the people, or the attitudes, or whatever, that JUST DOESN'T TRANSLATE to non-americans such as myself. I mean, I've googled Midwest - wth, it's, like, the north-east? I don't get it. So can you explain, for the slower and less American of your readers? (It could very well just be me that doesn't get it!)

Yeah in America we treat regions of the US as completely different entities a lot of times so I can understand how it could be confusing to non-Americans, and I'm sorry about that. I genuinely don't mean to be presumptuous that everyone would get it, and you're not wrong for being confused. I'll try and kind of give a few quick ideas, but just bear in mind that America is Big and there's a lot of space even within States and regions for people to have completely different experiences.

Ok so midwestern life. I saw you say it looks more North-east on a map and you're not entirely wrong, but the reason it's considered a completely different region is for 2 things: how America was settled, and how drastically the land and agriculture changes as you move on toward the Ohio valley and the Mississippi (the river, not the State) and westward of the actual North-east. Along the north-east you got the coastline and a lot of sprawling metropolises, then you have the mountainous appalachians region that is world all its own. Midwesterners have nothing in common with either of those lol

While even within the midwest you do have some mountains and some valleys, the vast majority of what you see here is miles and miles (and fucking miles) of flat land. I mean you can go out to a field and look around and see a never ending horizon above absolutely nothing but flat corn and soybean fields and prairies as far as the eye can see. There's a certain beauty to it, but it's boring and we know it. Which is why we learn to make our own fun doing the really stupid shit like going mudding and getting hammered around bonfires in the middle of cornfields. Yeehaw lol

Now as for the attitude. There's is a very specific kind of midwestern attitude. Midwesterners are by and large just... nice. We're a surfacely nice people. Now that's not to say you won't run into rude people. Of course you can and absolutely will, we have our fair share of assholes and Karens and redneck racists and bigots like everyone else. But overall it's just A Thing of the midwest: be polite, be kind when you can, say your pleases and thank you's, and be mindful of the people around you.

It's not uncommon for a neighbor to shovel another's walkway if they get out to it first and have the time. It's downright expected of you to hold doors for people even when they're a bit behind (but not too far behind, because then they'd have to run to not make you wait because that'd be rude, and making them run or feel bad about making you wait would also be rude. You learn to feel it out with your heart). You step out of people's way the second you see them coming (and apologize for even being in the way in the first place 🥴). If you're walking along and make eye contact, smile and nod at strangers as you walk past, maybe drop a little "Mornin'/Afternoon/Evenin'" on the end to boot (depending where you are). It's just what you do. That's why a lot of times when midwesterners venture out into different parts of the US it's a bit of thump on the head experiencing just how Not Pleasant people can be.

But.

BUT.

There's a dark side to this habit.

In the same breath as I just said midwesterners are genuinely nice, we are also judgy as hell. And the problem is that we wrap all our snarkiness and judgemental sniping in that exact same ribbon of niceties. So outsiders will not usually be able to tell when a midwesterner is trying to, politely, tell you that you're boring or bothering them. Or that they think you're stupid. Or would literally gnaw off their arm to get away from you.

If a midwesterner says, "Alright I better let you go now," what you hear is "I'm enjoying this but I know you must be busy and I'm taking up all your time". What we mean is "Please leave me alone now, stop talking, go away." If you tell or show a midwesterner something and they reply with an "oh" that is looong and ends in a question sound? Know they are trying to think of what non-committal but pleasant thing they can say instead of what they're truly thinking, which is that they hate everything about it. And they will be talking shit about it and you to someone else later 🥴. It's from that understanding that you need to realize if midwesterners can do anything, it's read a room. We often get portrayed on tv and movies as being simpletons who are so innocent and oh gosh golly gee wiz we just don't understand don't cha know 😒 No. We are born and raised learning to listen to what people aren't saying in their words. We are raised knowing quite often the nicest person in town is the one you need to watch out for cuz they're the nastiest mf as soon as you're out of earshot. We speak and live in subtleties that are usually cloaked in manners and niceties. Cuz even when you hate a mf, you don't wanna come off as rude.

Now again I say this with a reminder to read this as mostly anecdotal because everyone has different experiences. America is so goddamn big you can never truly generalize anything about anywhere here to any degree of perfect accuracy. In my State alone you could drive for 5 hours straight and not even leave the State, so obviously that leaves a lot of room for people to live very different kinds of lives with wide ranging experiences. But as a generalization, that's a very brief understanding of what I mean by midwestern.

[charlieslowartsies]

i know you like both fnaf and batim, im curious if youve every thought about what would happen in a protagonist swap. ik aus and hypotheticals arent for everything, but i personally think it would be funny to drop mike and henry in eachothers universes. i think theyre both do well tbh, but regardless its a little funny to think about

I've tried answering this 2x and tumblr kept punting it into orbit but akjasjkasj here we go.

The Short answer: This is a cute idea! I did play with an Xover concept where Mike Schmidt from the KGA wandered into the old Studio he found back in the woods, and he eventually met Make Believe's Henry Stein post the first fic. Mike--being himself, ofc--decided to stick around and help in any way he could. He also got laid. That's a different concept than a good old switcheroo ofc.

There's more on that here, but not a big discussion on stuff, just what if arts from years ago.

The Long Answer:

At the end of the day, I know I kinda write Mike Schmidt and Henry Stein as different flavors of the same drink. Or even just, Mike is cherry cola and Henry Stein is a warm cup of coffee with cream and sugar.

They both have a found family thing going on in their central story arcs. Can you tell I like that theme? (With the major difference being Mike more or less consented to being dragged into the Pizzeria's past, and Henry stays in his situation out of deep seated guilt at his coworkers, a sense of obligation toward Bendy, and perhaps some honest fear of returning to the outside world as well after his time in the War.) Obviously Mike wasn't super cool with giving up his life, sure--but what he gained in return, (His health restored, ghostly superpowers, enhanced senses, a family that loves and accepts him as much as he admires them in turn, and a sense of purpose that makes him feel like he's living a life that makes a difference) made his choice the easier of the two I think.

In the KGA, Mike is top dog because he's the Suit of Fredbear, and then ofc he bonds with the gang from there. In MB, Henry is the true reluctant leader, and any say he has is earned when and because Norman and the others choose to give it. Sammy proves that for sure. Yes, there's a lot of fear of Bendy from Allison, Tom and Sammy, but they don't fear Henry. Henry also doesn't use Bendy's wrath and power to get his way--not that Mike is a bully either, but he's more confident than Henry and more adept at using Fredbear's powers to help him out, even just day to day mundane tasks.

Mike is the brainier of the two, but he's also the stupider when it comes to protecting those he loves. Henry is the draftsman, the studier, the thinker. He makes far more calculated moves and relies instinctively on Norm and the others to be there, or straight up defers to their judgement more than he dishes out orders. I headcanon he was a medic in the army, and if Freddy Fazbear is based off my Grandpa, then Henry Stein is based off my Poppy, who served World War II, and told stories to my dad of cleaning out tanks that...came back with bodies in them. Henry's time in the war changed him, and when he returned and entered the studio to see what his old pal wanted, his life was flung right back into what is, to him, another war zone. That's got to mess a person up, yanno?

What I like about your concept is that the first time I read it, I went "gee, there wouldn't be any difference. I'm just writing the same story with same characters, that sucks. ...how do I admit that in this ask that?"

And then later that night I paused and thought better of my initial assumptions. 'Wait a second...Mike and Henry aren't carbon copies. They don't even have the same humor.'

Henry and Mike are so much alike for sure, and so very different. Even just the obvious aside--Mike's world is full of the supernatural! ...but it's also got one foot firmly planted in reality. Fredbear is not flaunted. Mike can come and go as he pleases. He tries to be normal, he and the gang hide their true natures and pretend well for kids and adults alike. The world goes on around them, but they do go with it. The Gang ages. They had their restaurant, and then they do traveling parties when it becomes only a home base. His Animatronics are 'real' and 'functional' and their history--horrible as it was--was also one with kids and laughter and fun. Henry didn't get any of that. He never saw BendyLand, he didn't encourage Joey's actions.

Henry's world is Nothing but Supernatural, and he's still just as trapped in it as Bendy is bound to the End Reel. He can't go the store, grab some eggs and milk. If thunder rumbles overhead, Mike groans, looks for something to ground himself on. Henry might jerk back to war time, or the Studio, and be scrambled by the appearance of weather, which was not in the Loop. No sun, no night sky. There's a lot of humanity in being around other people. Mike is such a people person, and he sees in the Fazes what is only there because they were haunted. (Otherwise, yeah, they're kinda just...mechanical AIs.) Henry knows these people he lives with on the first floor were human once, he's relieved to have their company and also feels terrible about. He's afraid to let them get close, (the Projectionist being the one to ignore this lmao.)

It's two types of tragedies, and in both lives were cut short in different ways. Mike and Henry feel responsible for both sides, but they don't respond the same.

It's a lot of weight to carry on one's shoulders, and I sort of think Mike carries it better, or a little healthier, at least. He isn't shy or hesitant, Freddy pushed him away the most and Mike pushed right back. He didn't take any abuse, but he got past those walls and taught Fredbear it was okay to trust and to talk about problems.

Dropping Mike into MB's world would, naturally, be chaos. Mike is kind of walking chaos. Marion would prolly follow him--Mari follows the night guard everywhere, because as much as he brags about how good Mike is at his role, he worries so hard over Mike because Mike is always getting into trouble. (Which, fair.) Mari also doesn't like following rules, unless they're rules he set. He doesn't play nicely with others and he would quickly try to work his tendrils into the Studio, try to gain some upperhand, some semblance of control or even just find Answers to the puzzles around them. Mike would be utterly fascinated with the Ink Machine, wanting to see how it worked, and why, and if it needed repairs, and be interested in taking it apart to figure it out. Goldy's status would be useless here, so even tho Mike has his wits and strength, he wouldn't have the same level of respect he is used to in the restaurant or warehouse, or even Pizza World and not the Pizza plex.

Mike's also magnetic as hell. He'd take one look at Norm and be up in his grill too, delighted and friendly and finding the terror cool. He'd fix anything he thought needed it, that includes busted light bulbs or unhappy, self conscious little ink blots that need their ego's stroked and to be assured no, they're not Abominations. Mike isn't afraid of Nightmaronnie, and once he realizes the Ink Demon is Bendy, (if he was split from Henry which would be it's own issues.) he'd eventually apply the same logic as he did to the Puppet all those years ago, and see a scared little kid who needs some comfort and to know he has support.

Henry...would fit in less well in the KGA. He wouldn't be in danger from the Fazes of course, but he's an Adult, and he's a Male, and he's a STRANGER. And that sets off all sorts of warnings in the back of their minds. Makes them unsure and wary to the point of being unkind, cold. Unlike Mike, whose curiosity gets him in trouble, Henry would recognize to back off and tread lightly. Their children that haunted them accidentally passed on a deep seated fear of older, male authority figures, and not even Mike blames them for that. Max carries it too, and Gregory is about the only one who would be the most approachable...or the more willing TO approach Henry. He's young, but his situation is different and kids are rubber bands. By now, the best, most important thing in his world--tall, deep voiced, and strong Glamrock Freddy--keeps his opinion in Henry's favor, because they're both calm and careful in the similar ways. If Bendy is with Henry, that's another winner. Bendy loves kids, he loves kids desperately, enthusiastically, obsessively. He WANTS to prove he's worthy of what Joey Drew put on him when he was Created, that he's the most darling dancing devil there ever was. If Cartoon him can make Gregory smile/laugh, Bendy will be over the moon, and Glamrock Freddy will have to learn to share quickly, because like Mari, Bendy is a possessive little devil.

Even if Max, Ness, and Freddy are keeping Henry on a tight, wary leash, I can see Henry giving in to them easily. He's not out to make waves, or step on anyone's toes. Being docile like that will help him out big time with them. Mike might cause trouble on accident lmao. Henry would also be kind of panicky, kind of freaked out. Worrying about the Studio, his friends, Bendy being loose, what Joey's up to on the lower levels. Mike would honestly be more worried about his next meal being just bacon soup and realizing he can't be a bottomless pit because he won't take food from these...ink...monsters? ...ink people? (If Chica offered Henry an olive branch in the form of a meal, Henry might break down and Ghibli cry at the taste of real, inkless, clean food. That earns him points with her at least. Double if he tries cleaning up because he never let Linda do the dishes.)

I wrote so much I'm so sorry lmao. Thank you for this ask anon!! It's a fun concept to explore! I wish I had more energy to do so, but I just got a new tattoo last night and my brain is french fried xD

[kim-ruzek]

I’m a Stellaride fan and I’m also a Brettsey fan but I don’t like the promo. Last season we know that for the finale the major focus would be on Stella and Sev’s wedding - everyone talked about it, they showed us a sneak in a promo. Now they said that we will see how the case Casey made Stella involved with is going to end. Should be exciting, right? No, they show us sobbing Brett. This is how they want to make sure people will watch the finale? They say one thing and tease us with another (btw if she’s said yes after not talking to him for so long I’d be so disappointed in her but it’s another conversation…) when they use Casey come back as a promo the ratings didn’t go up - maybe show some actual action and people will show up? Just a thought

PS I want a happy ending for Brett and Casey, I’ve waited too long for that but this? Rushed engagement after radio silence for few months? Please, we (and them) deserve better than this

Yeah I mean I definitely think that depending this is the finale and the case is coming to a head that there should've been more action shots but at the same time, their promos are always so short and there might not be stuff they can actually show that'll ruin the action part of it (although that just might be my cpd self talking lol).

I guess I don't mind too much what was chosen to be in the promos for a few reasons, really. One; I don't find their action shots very exciting in the promos. Or rather I do, but I enjoy the actual scenes in the episodes better when it's not in the promo as the way they cut it makes it more disappointing imo.

Two; I love the action, but I'm primarily motivated by ships. That's what makes me watch in real time, and engage in fandom. So I always do prefer ship centric promos because that's what I tune in for. For action stuff only, I tend to wait to watch it all in one go.

Finally, three; I've largely stopped watching fire after Hawkins died. Now I might be getting back into it, possibly but that depends a lot on how this season ends and how next season kicks off. The only reason I'm remotely excited and planning on watching the finale is because of the brettsey interaction which means I don't mind the promo.

But I agree we do deserve better than this. The radio silence, the break up... and introducing a new love interest to Sylvie when we should've just got a few more episodes of build up about the baby, it all should've be done better.

However I am reserving my final judgement on that since it all depends on what the outcome of this baby storyline will be and whether or not this is paving the way for them to write out Sylvie from the show. Because of kara is leaving and this is facilitating that, then I'm not annoyed too much and especially not minding about the promo not being action focused, as the big thing of the episode would be a long time cast member leaving.

I am also reserving judgement just in case the outcome of this storyline is that we get brettsey back somewhat on screen, if Jesse has chosen to make a few occasionally appearances next season. It all just largely depends on why they have chosen to do this storyline and if it's anything to do with the actors availability.

Although either way or whatever the reason, I'm not totally upset about this storyline, if it is a proposal and if Sylvie does say yes. Because imo it does make sense with them, with how great their love is, and that the time apart from each other and then Sylvie's decision to try and adopt the baby has just reaffirmed that being together is what matters and is what they want.

The thing I'm most irritated at is that yes the whole thing was so badly handled all season, and they definitely never should've introduced the new LI. And that we should've got a few more episodes of build up to the baby.

So really as much as I have my annoyances, my possible happiness at all this outweighs them, for me.

Thank you for asking!! ❤️

[wafflesetc]

After Jay's departure, Gwen said that the cases should show what he means to the PD and everyone, but the way you perceive it in the episodes, Jay is seen as the bad guy... I think Jay and Upstead are completely dragged through the mud and destroyed by Gwen i think Jay will die when he comes back... hence his appearance on Med

I am not going to pretend to understand what it is like to try and run a show, because I can't really imagine the kind of things Gwen has to handle. There are people coming from her at all sides. NBC, Wolf Ent, other writers, fans, etc. It's always hard to keep all parties happy and satiated in some capacity.

I do think that there is a line for doing things for the sake of drama and doing things that are true to the character(s). I am currently struggling a little with what they are doing with them. To an extent, I can understand Hailey and her mindset. I do think that it makes sense to the character, that she would dive headfirst into work, and that she would be acting the way she has been. I also don't expect it to be flipped overnight and her suddenly be okay with her situation, either. But I do feel a little like they are dragging this out and putting her through this initial phase just a little too long. I do want to withhold all judgement though because we really don't know what 10B is going to look like either, so maybe, hopefully, there is a plan in place for all of this.

I do find it interesting that they are still using Jay and their relationship as a major plot point, even after he's gone. I feel like there's a way to use it to a smaller extent, while being an underlying tone for Hailey's character. I didn't expect it to be at the forefront of the season so much. Most times when a character leaves, that's more or less it really.. And that hasn't necessarily been the case with Jay, even if they are or aren't mentioning him that much.

So, I do agree that I think they are being dragged through the mud, a little more than I expected. Again, I didn't mean I thought it would be easy... But I just didn't quite expect this either, then again... I don't really know what I was expecting.

I do believe that no matter what the path may look like, even as painful as it is... Upstead will be okay.

Overall I think it is important to remember that there are 22-24 episodes and we have only seen 9 of those episodes... There is an arc that has to span all of the episodes for all the characters, to an extent. The timeline and pacing of this episodes, does usually mean things.... So, we will have to wait and see what this all looks like once everything is wrapped.

[queenofeden]

See, that's the thing about Ostagar though, is that the entire strategy that they're operating on the whole time is a direct result of Cailan's hubris. It always is and was, and the game makes no secret of that.

Loghain has been the commander of the army and its chief strategist since Maric was alive, and unfortunately much like Captain Smith of the Titanic, all those years of experience end up working against him here. It's stated that both Duncan and Loghain repeatedly have tried to reason with Cailan and get him to do exactly what you've postulated would be best: wait for reinforcements and hold the line. Unfortunately, those reinforcements aren't coming because at least half to 2/3ds of Highever's army was left behind and what's left has been rendered commander-less because Fergus was already lost to the darkspawn earlier, which is terrible for morale. Howe clearly never intended on bringing Amaranthine's rallied army to Ostagar and only used that as an excuse to bring his men into Highever and invade, and Duncan has already been to Redcliffe to ask after Eamon's forces and been told that they won't arrive for a week at best (because he's already been poisoned but nobody will tell Duncan that.)

Barring that, their only option for additional support is coming from Orlais, which, if Loghain has one serious fault in judgement it is his extreme prejudice against Orlesian, and therefore also additional Grey Warden, relief -- which honestly I can't even blame him for in retrospect given what we see of Gaspard's plot from Asunder up through DAI that does in fact expose the fact that a vast majority of the Orlesian army and nobility Does want to take Ferelden back by any means necessary but REGARDLESS --

The slap-dash "strategy" employed at Ostagar is canonically a shoddy compromise that Loghain has had to come up with in order to make the best of of the spot between a rock and a hard place -- either wait for Fereldan allies, which Cailan is not willing to do, or wait for Orlais to come, which Loghain is not willing to do, and which Cailan obviously doesn't want to do either because even his gossipy guard admits that Cailan wants to end the blight himself in a Huge Battle That Will Be Remembered For Ages, but that's basically the ultimatum he gave -- that they've put themselves in, on top of the fact that Cailan will just do whatever the hell he wants regardless of what good ideas Loghain might have purely because, You're Not My Real Dad, Loghain!!

So yes, in a pinch, to serve Cailan's appeal for a Fight in the best way he can while also trying to take advantage of Ostagar's natural defenses, Loghain organizes the quasi hammer and anvil maneuver they attempt to enact, with the wardens and the army's best at the front to act as Bait, and himself and his reserve as the ambush with The Warden and Alistair to then light the beacon for the charge.

Obviously, we know that this did not work out, but I would argue that it wasn't necessarily due to lack of trying or good planning on the royal army's side. It could have been a good strategy, and an effective one, if the darkspawn were even remotely anything they were prepared for, least of all because I can guarantee that none of those earlier battles and skirmishes they won had any ogres. Your anvil can only stand for so long against a fucking tank, let alone multiple tanks and also an entire cavalry charge that runs amok, does not die like humans do, and completely defies the expectations any seasoned commander would have for an enemy, both in brute strength and predictability, especially without the archdemon there to organize them.

By the time the beacon went off -- at significant delay, we know, and it was time for the "hammer" to fall, it was too fucking late. And Loghain knew that. He knew that I think long before Cailan actually even fell, but sometimes there's only so much you can do to stop a train from crashing. You either die, or get out of the way. Or, you do some big, stupid An Hero shit that might pay off but probably won't, and Loghain absolutely knows that because he did do that with Rowan during the Battle of West Hill to save Maric's life, and that decision not only got queen Rowan's father killed, but also Maric turned around after and literally told him:

"If both of you had been where you were supposed to be, maybe we might have won. Maybe you could have pulled your men out in time, and you would be in Gwaren right now."

He then forced Loghain to promise him that if it ever came down between saving him and doing what was best for Ferelden again, that he would chose Ferelden. Which, regardless of anyone's personal or in-game feelings about his motivations or him as a character, Loghain did in fact do. Even if they had managed to route that particular attack successfully, the royal army would have been so decimated it never would have stood a chance against the archdemon. It turned into a bloodbath even without that, regardless of whether Loghain believed it was an actual blight or not. He's got everything working against him doing his job effectively, and the one chance he has to do the right thing will get demonized. You can't win for losing in a situation like that, the odds were just never in Ferelden's favor no matter which way you slice it.

We Will Hold the... Charge?

I've spent a fairly, perhaps unreasonably, long time being deeply perplexed by the Battle of Ostagar. The human forces are both on the defensive and defensively positioned, while the darkspawn are obviously on the attack, yet dialogue consistently treats preparation for the battle as preparation for an attack on the darkspawn—even though it is the human forces who are camped in a clear location, and the darkspawn who can emerge from the wilds to battle at will.

Stating the obvious, maybe, but I'm also excited to have finally figured myself back around where things make sense:

The Battle of Ostagar is not the first battle of the Blight.

Duncan and Cailan both refer to previous "skirmishes" against the darkspawn. It appears at first that these may be fights against scouting bands in the Wilds, but Cailan specifically mentions participating in several victories—the teams in the Wilds have had a much harder time. Rather, the darkspawn must have emerged from the Wilds previously, lacking the numbers they have built up by the final engagement, and failed to break through the human defenses.

(This adds additional flavor to the fearful soldier in the cutscene—it's not the sight of darkspawn at a great distance that's so intimidating, but how damned many there were.)

2. Duncan's return changes Cailan's calculations.

The king is in high spirits when Duncan returns with The Warden, eagerly anticipating a heroic charge against the darkspawn. Part of this is immature hero worship and glory-seeking, but there are also widespread indications of fatigue, mounting casualties, and growing morale problems; "holding the line" with no end in sight isn't going to work for much longer.

So: the royal army may have been positioned defensively during his absence, but with Warden-Commander Duncan at the king's side, it is time to seize the day (and his army's flagging morale) and cast down the darkspawn once and for all!

(Loghain, as Rendon Howe's patron, etc., etc., has his own reasons to abide by this reversal; Cailan explicitly refers to the battle plan as Loghain's strategy.)

3. Duncan urges patience and asks after the archdemon.

Duncan questions Loghain's plan twice: urging Cailan to wait for Arl Eamon—not knowing he has, most likely, already been poisoned—or for more Grey Wardens, and then asking what contingencies exist if the archdemon appears. Both approaches aim, unsuccessfully, to alter the strategy's implementation to make it effective: delaying a decisive engagement is bad strategy against the horde, but the only way to ensure the army's survival until the archdemon actually appears.

But neither Cailan nor Loghain knows (nor would Loghain likely believe Duncan) about the archdemon, so from the non-Warden/generally ignorant viewpoint the best option—with morale declining and the horde growing every day—is to counterattack and force a decisive battle. They can choose this battle because the darkspawn attack the human defensive positions semi-regularly; it is merely a question of picking the attack to counter.

TLDR: No, CuChu, the army did take advantage of their positioning. They just stopped doing that, for reasons unique to each decision-maker, right on time for it to be the worst possible decision.

Of course, Cailan's charge is still a foolhardy and unnecessary risk, but it's something he could coherently insist on in contrast to the previous battle plan, and which Loghain has every reason to agree to.

[sleepysnk]

a/n: hey guys! the beach is finally back and i’m excited to put it out! :) it is a bit short, but it was a chapter i had fun writing. i hope you all enjoy <3.

pairings: obito uchiha x fem!reader

warnings: modern au, some mentions of jealousy, suggestive content, fluff, sweet boy obito.

The Beach: Chapter Eighteen

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Several days had passed by since the party.

And you hadn’t spoken to Obito.

You decided to take some time away from him. You weren’t exactly sure why you didn’t want to see him. Obito was your favorite person in the whole world. How could you not want to see him? He filled your days with joy and happiness. Not being around him nor speaking to him was very out of the ordinary.

Even you were questioning it deep down.

What you saw at the party set you off for some reason. You didn’t like seeing Obito with Rin. The way she laughed and smiled at him made your stomach churn. 

The most frustrating part was not knowing why it made you so upset. You never got moody when that kind of stuff happened, so why was it such a bother now? You just didn’t understand yourself at the moment, and you wanted to scream at yourself for this behavior. 

For the past few days, Obito has texted and called you countless times. He even left you a voicemail one day, but you never got around to listening to it. 

It was the usual same texts. He’d ask you if you were okay, or if there was something wrong. You chose to not respond, because you didn’t even know what was going on either. Plus, you had a hard time explaining things sometimes. What if he didn’t understand and it made the situation worse? You didn’t want that to happen.

You figured you’d wait a little while before speaking to him. You needed to get everything situated before you made a move.

At the moment, you had to get ready for your class. You couldn’t waste much time thinking about Obito. 

Though, he took up a majority of your thoughts sometimes.

You shoved your laptop into your backpack. You had a few minutes left before you had to leave, and you were spending that time making sure you didn’t leave anything behind. It was your usual routine. You’d probably be out of your apartment soon anyway.

“Are you heading out?”

You turned around to see Konan standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Her lavender-colored hair was tossed around, and she wore a grey t-shirt with black shorts. 

She must have just gotten up. Sometimes Konan had a habit of skipping her early morning classes if she was tired, or if she went to bed late.

“Yeah,” you replied, “Was I making too much noise? Sorry..”

Konan approached you, she then propped herself up on the counter. “No, not at all..” she said, “But your phone is making a lot of noise recently. Do you wanna tell me what that’s about?”

You chewed on your bottom lip. Konan really didn’t know that you were ignoring Obito. The only thing she really knows about is the fact that Rin and Obito were talking at the party. 

Maybe you were in need of some advice. Sometimes it was a good idea to get a second opinion on things, and Konan was a great listener. She was one of the few people in your life that gave really good advice. 

You scratched your eyebrow with your pinkie finger. “Um.. it’s actually Obito,” you looked up at her.

She paused in her movements. Her head turned to face where you were standing. “What? Why is he blowing up your phone? Did you guys get into a fight?” she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

You shifted around uncomfortably, you weren’t sure how to explain this situation to Konan. What if she judged you? Ugh, she was the least judgemental person you had ever met. You were stupid to think she’d judge you for ignoring Obito. 

“Well, no, we didn’t get into a fight. I’m just not talking to him at the moment,” you shrugged your shoulders.

Her head cocked to the side. “How come? Did he make you mad or something?” she seemed genuinely curious by your response which made you nervous.

You crossed your arms over your chest. “I don’t know! That’s the thing, I’m ignoring Obito and I don’t know why. Ever since that shit happened at the party, I haven’t been able to message him,” you began to pace around the kitchen. 

Konan seemed puzzled by what you were saying. She started to think back to the previous night. She vaguely remembered something happening with Obito, but she couldn’t remember what it was exactly.

She figured she’d ask you, because she honestly had no idea.

“And that is? You gotta fill me in, (Y/N). I’m not exactly a mind reader,” she began to swing her feet.

You turned around to look at her. “He was talking to that Rin girl! Remember? I don’t know why, but it just made me really weirded out,” you shook your head in annoyance.

Konan started to process the situation. She looked like she was thinking, but she also had this look that said she was weirded out. You honestly felt so stupid. She probably didn’t understand, or she was probably thinking you were blowing everything out of proportion.

You hoped she was thinking neither of those things, but anything was possible.

You suddenly paused when you saw her giggle. It made you cock your head to the side. What was she laughing about? Shit, she probably thought you were being stupid. This was honestly so embarrassing. You wanted to bury yourself in the sand right now.

“(Y/N), I think I know what’s going on here,” she brushed a few pieces of her hair out of her face.

You let out a sigh. “Okay, what is it?” you leaned against the counter, waiting for her response.

She cleared her throat before speaking. “I think you’re jealous,” she responded.

Everything around you suddenly stopped. 

You were.. jealous?

Part of you was shocked that Konan would even think something like that. You know yourself better than anybody else. There was no way you were a jealous person. Even during your relationship with Itachi, you were never the type to get jealous or even angry when Itachi talked to another girl.

How ironic..

Being jealous was never in your nature. How could you be jealous over Obito talking to Rin? Obito wasn’t even your boyfriend, so why the sudden thoughts? 

Konan had to be wrong. There was no way this was possible.

“What? Me? You have got to be joking,” you pointed at yourself with your brows raised. 

She leaned against the wall behind her. “What? Are you telling me you aren’t jealous? You clearly have an issue with Obito talking to Rin,” she said, “Why else would you act this way?”

You blinked in disbelief at her words. “There’s no way! Absolutely not! Obito isn’t even my boyfriend, Konan! How would I even be jealous?” 

Konan hopped off of the counter. She then approached you with her arms crossed. “(Y/N), just because Obito isn’t your boyfriend doesn’t mean you can’t be jealous. You two hook up, no? It’s possible to get jealous over somebody who isn’t even yours,” she explained, looking at you.

You shook your head, there was no way you felt that way towards Obito. The two of you could talk to whoever you wanted to talk to. Neither of you had that control over each other, so there was no chance you were jealous.

Sure, you and Obito hooked up, but that had nothing to do with it. 

You looked at the time displayed on the stove. You realized you were running late for class. “I have to go, but just know you’re wrong!” you went over to the table to grab your backpack.

Konan watched you as you made your way out of the apartment. Deep down, she knew she was right. You probably liked Obito, but you were too scared to admit it. 

“Ugh, (Y/N), won’t you ever just listen to your heart for once?”

-

Arriving on campus, you had to rush to your class. 

You didn’t even realize how much time went by when you were talking to Konan. You should have left earlier, but you were too lost in the conversation about being apparently “jealous” over Obito. 

God, sometimes you need to take a break and breathe.

You walked as fast as you could through the hallway to your class. It wasn’t a very far walk, but you only had about four or five minutes before your professor walked in. He could be such a fucking asshole about attendance sometimes. Nobody dared to walk into his class even thirty seconds late.

Luckily, there weren’t many people walking around in the hallway, so you’d probably make it in time. 

You turned the corner when suddenly you collided with someone’s chest. It was almost like the air was knocked out of your lungs, and it took you totally off guard. 

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to-“

“(Y/N)..?”

You paused when you looked up and saw Obito standing directly in front of you. He seemed distressed, but somewhat relieved to see you in person. 

All of your words got caught in your throat, and you didn’t know what to say. Seeing him in person was not what you had planned, and facing him made every cell in your body freeze. What were you supposed to say? Now wasn’t really the time to start a conversation about what’s been going on.

You needed to get out of this situation, and fast.

“U-Um.. hi, Obito..” you avoided looking at him.

He placed his hands into his pockets. “What’s going on? Why haven’t you called me back? Is everything okay?” he had this worried tone in his voice.

You let out a breath. “Obito, I can’t do this right now. I have to get to class, so I’ll talk to you later,” you then went around him towards the direction of your class.

Obito watched you go down the hallway and disappear into one of the rooms. He was a bit surprised at your reaction. You left so quickly, and he didn’t have any time to figure out what was going on with you.

He was so confused and so lost as to what happened. Were you angry about him not answering your text the other night? If you were, he’d definitely apologize because that was on him for not responding soon enough. 

He honestly couldn’t think of any other reason as to why you were mad at him. 

Obito hated seeing you like this. He also hated being on these terms with you. He was never the type to start things with others, or make people purposely mad. 

He’d never do those things to you, especially.

Obito had to figure out a way to get you to speak to him. He wanted to know what was going on, and he didn’t care what he had to do to find out. 

-

Another few days had passed by since you last saw Obito. 

You had managed to avoid him as much as you could. To your surprise, he stopped reaching out to you. You thought he’d try a bit more, but maybe he got the hint that you weren’t interested in talking to him at the moment. You were relieved about that, but it also made you nervous.

What if Obito didn’t want to be your friend anymore? 

You weren’t sure how you’d feel if Obito dropped you. Not gonna lie, he was a really nice guy, and you often enjoyed his company. Though, you had to remind yourself that Obito wasn’t someone who was permanent in your life in a certain aspect. At some point, this whole agreement will be over and you won’t ever see each other again.

You knew that deep down, so why was it such a bothersome thought in your brain?

Currently, you were on the way to the dining hall to study. You just finished your class, and you had some homework to catch up on. It was a fairly large assignment too, so you figured you’d get it done now rather than later.

You had your headphones in your ears. You were lost in your thoughts. There was so much going through your head that it was hard to pay attention. 

A yelp suddenly erupted from your throat when your wrist was pulled into the parking lot. It was tight, and it scared the absolute shit out of you. You were prepared to go full on fight mode if this person was trying to kidnap you. 

You were about to raise your fist, but you paused when you saw who was holding your wrist.

To your surprise, it was Obito, and he seemed genuinely serious.

Tapping your earbud, you paused the music that was playing in your ears. “What the hell? Why would you do that? You almost gave me a heart attack,” you shook your head. 

Obito released your wrist, his eyes flickered from the floor to your eyes. “Sorry.. I shouldn’t have done that, but you wouldn’t have talked to me if I approached you,” he replied, “Can we please talk, (Y/N)? I just wanna know what’s going on with you,”

You could see the sincerity in his features. His tone was also heavy, and he sounded really worried. 

It made a tug form in your chest. You felt bad about ignoring him now. Konan tried telling you the other day that avoiding him wasn’t the best idea, but you didn’t want to listen to her. You wanted to figure out what was going on, but you just couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

The problem was that you couldn’t exactly tell Obito you were upset over him talking to Rin. She was his friend! If he heard that, you weren’t sure what kind of reaction he’d have. 

What if he called you jealous or something? Then he’d sound like Konan 2.0, and you didn’t want him thinking you were trying to control who he was talking to. 

You had to come up with something.

“I’m sorry, Obito, I shouldn’t be avoiding you like this. I don’t think my reason is an excuse though,” you looked up at him with nervous eyes.

His face softened, and he looked at you with the most pure expression you’ve ever seen. “(Y/N)..” he grabbed your hands, “Just tell me, okay? You don’t have to hide it from me, baby..”

Something inside of you felt warm. It was like a flower blooming on a warm spring day, and it was a great feeling. The way his words rolled off of his tongue had these butterflies swarming beneath your stomach.

It was intense, you hadn’t felt something like this in a while. You weren’t sure how to react. It was like your brain was scrambled. 

He was talking to you with such sweetness that it could give you cavities. 

“I’ve just.. had a lot on my plate. School has been kind of hard, and I was taking it out on you,” you squeezed his hands with your fingers.

Obito brought you closer to his body. “Hey, don’t worry about it, okay? I understand completely, I should have been more understanding of your situation. I was just really scared, you know?” he smiled softly.

A smile slowly creeped onto your features. You couldn’t even remember why you were irritated in the first place. All that mattered was that he was here in front of you with that same stupid smile on his face. 

“Don’t worry, Obito, it wasn’t you at all! It was my fault for not telling you,” you placed your hands on his shoulders. 

He then wrapped his arms around your torso. A feeling of comfort and ease set into your body, and you could feel yourself melting into his embrace. His hugs were probably one of the things you liked about him. They were always so nice and warm.

Not to mention, Obito had really nice arms. He knew how to make you feel safe. 

The hug was broken apart, and the two of you stood there looking at one another. There wasn’t really anybody around, so Obito took the open opportunity to press his lips onto yours. 

The kiss took your breath away. It felt a bit different from the ones you’ve shared before, so you fell into him pretty quickly. Plus, you hadn’t had a kiss from him in quite a while. You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t yearning for one of his little smooches. 

Your kisses turned into sloppier ones, and now you were both making out. 

Obito’s hands traveled towards your ass where he squeezed the plush. A gasp came from your mouth, giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue inside. 

Your hands went to his hair. Your fingers tugged on the strands as his hands explored your thighs and your hips. You could feel heat pooling between your thighs. You wanted nothing more than him at that moment. He was addicting, being away from him was a huge mistake. You were never going to make it again.

He pulled away, his forehead resting against yours. “You don’t know how badly I missed your sweet lips..” he looked at you with heavy eyes.

“Oh, yeah? I missed you more..” you pulled his body closer to yours. 

You shivered when you felt the print of his dick pressing against your stomach. He also seemed like he was desperate for you. You could read Obito like a book if you wanted to.

He tilted your chin up with his index finger. “Do you have class soon?” he raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

You shook your head, you felt really lucky that you didn’t have any more classes today. 

Obito smirked, pressing you against the door of his car. “Good.. because once I’m done you’re not going to be able to stand,” he licked his lips while looking down at you. 

You batted your eyelashes at him. “I’d want nothing more than that..” you traced your finger along his chest.

He motioned for you to move to the side so you could get into his car. Obito knew a private spot he could take you, because there was no way he was waiting any longer to take you. He had been without you for way too long, and he would be damned if he let the opportunity pass by.

The two of you both left the parking lot. You both were giggling messes, and you couldn’t wait to experience what would happen next.

But, what you didn’t know is that someone saw you two.

That someone was Rin.

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction || Faking Your Orgasms [Request] [M??]

A/N/WARNING: SOME OF THESE INCLUDE SMUT

SEOKJIN:

Jin stilled himself as you moaned into the pillow below you, he kept his hands on your hips from behind and pulled out as you frowned, turning to look over your shoulder as he began dressing himself. 

"Jin?" You questioned confused as he looked back at you, 

"If you're going to keep faking it without telling me why I don't want to do this anymore." You felt your heart sink as you realized he knew you'd been faking it. He turned to leave the bedroom but you grabbed onto his hand, 

"Jinnnie, it's not you. I'm the problem," You stared at him with tear-filled eyes as you looked down at your hands, this wasn't how you had planned to tell him but it was the only way you were going to get out of this without him feeling bad about things. 

"I can't cum because there's someone else inside of me and I just...My feelings are all over the place." You could see it only confused Jin more to hear that there was someone else inside of you, 

"Jin I'm pregnant...My hormones and feelings are all over the place. I haven't been able to cum because I-I've been overthinking things..." Jin placed his hands on your stomach, 

"Pregnant?" You nodded as he teared up and began smiling brightly. 

"I didn't tell you yet because I'm not that far along...I was going to wait." You let out a scream at the end of your sentence as he began to cover your stomach in small kisses.

YOONGI:

When you walked into the bedroom that night you saw Yoongi sitting there on the bed with his arms folded, 

"What's up? You look pissed off," You laughed softly thinking one of the guys had annoyed him or something but he took you by your hands and pinned you below him on the bed as you whined.

"Baby?" You giggled but he growled at you as he began sucking on your neck making you moan loudly, wrapping your legs around his waist to drawer him close but he pinned your legs down. 

"No, no touching for you." A shiver ran down your spine as he smirked at you, 

"I heard you and Jungkook talking today." He pulled your skirt down as he smirked at you, rubbing your clit through the fabric of your panties, 

"I haven't made you cum in over a month? So you were faking it... My little princess is so needy she went to the maknae to go and complain," He laughed sarcastically before pushing two fingers into you and humming as you moaned out loudly. 

"Tonight, you're not going to stop cumming." He whispered in your ear before chuckling darkly as you clenched around his fingers. 

HOSEOK:

It was the boys that pointed out you might have been faking your orgasms with Hoseok, they'd heard you one night and then questioned Hoseok on what it was like and they told him the truth. 

"You've been faking it this whole time and I'm the bad guy here?!" Hoseok yelled as he stared at you, you'd been ignoring him since he told you he told the boys about your sex life. 

"You told them about our sex life...Our private life Hobi!" You whined as you covered your face with your hands, the feeling of embarrassment coming back, you were never going to be able to look at them ever again. 

"Why are you faking your orgasms?" He sat down in front of you as you stared down at the floor beside him, it was just something you'd never been able to achieve, you'd never been able to make yourself cum and no one else had either. 

"Some people just can't." You whispered, wiping the tears of your face as you remembered your other relationships going south because you couldn't cum but Hoseok took your hand, 

"Then we'll find a way to make it pleasurable for you, so you won't have to fake it anymore." He promised, kissing your lips softly as you smiled at him.

NAMJOON:

When you drunkenly told Namjoon the night before that you had been faking your orgasms for a while he was hurt, he thought your relationship with one another was built and trust and that he could trust you to tell him when something wasn't working between you. 

"I said that?" You groaned as you took the cup of water from him and sipped on it, wanting nothing more than to end the embarrassment of speaking like this but Namjoon sat down. 

"I was doing some research, we might just need to spice things up a little and you can-" You put your hand on his mouth to stop him from talking and you shook your head. 

"Baby, there's nothing wrong with our sex life." You giggled softly as you rolled over to pick up the tablets you had been prescribed by your doctor a few weeks ago, it was nothing major just some medication for headaches. 

"They've been interfering with my hormones, I come off them soon...I just didn't want to make you feel bad so I faked it for a while," Namjoon blushed deeply as he set himself a mental note to delete his internet history when he went back downstairs, 

"So it's not me?" You shook your head as you kissed him, 

"No baby, it's not you." You whispered before laying back down and groaning about the room spinning.

JIMIN:

It wasn't Jimin's fault that you weren't able to cum it was just something you'd never been able to achieve before so every time you and Jimin would have sex you would just fake it, wanting him to feel like he was doing a good job because he was. The pleasure you experienced with him was like no other but you could never go over the edge and cum, you figured there was just something wrong with you. 

"Jimin, please...It's nothing you did," You clung to his hand as he tried to walk out of the bedroom, you finally came clean and told him that you had been faking it the whole time. You didn't want to build your relationship on lies. 

"I can't even pleasure my own girlfriend," He sat down on the bed feeling defeated but then he looked at you and felt even worse at the thought of you never getting to experience orgasm for real.

"You've never?" You shook your head looking down about to give him the same story you'd given your other ex's, they didn't seem to care as long as they got to cum they were done with you. 

"Well then, we're going to have to find what makes you tick." He smirked pushed you down onto the bed as he kissed you roughly, kissing down your neck as you let out a small whine. 

"You have to be honest this time, tell me what works and what doesn't....We'll get you there baby," He whispered in your ear before biting down on your lobe and kissing down the rest of your body, trying everything to get you to cum and by the end of the night you did. Experiencing a wave of different orgasms from him and finding out just what you did and didn't like during intercourse.

TAEHYUNG:

"What? So this whole time you've just been faking it?" You looked at Taehyung as you heard how hurt he was from the questioning but you looked down at your hands, not being able to bring yourself to stare at the love of your life and tell him he'd never been able to make you cum. 

"It's not you-"

"It's not me it's you? Seriously?" You sighed as he scoffed at you but you shook your head, 

"I can't! I can't cum Taehyung! It's not you, it's me...I-It gets too intense and I feel like it's too much, that I'm going to burst all over the place." You finally called out when he began leaving the room. It was the first time you'd come clean to anybody about orgasming, Taehyung figured it out that you were faking when all of your moans and groans sounded the same and you came clean to him.

"What?" He questioned turning around to look at you with a softer expression on his face, you looked up at the ceiling so the tears that were welling up in your eyes wouldn't start falling. 

"They're too intense...I get so close but I have to stop because it's too much, I feel like I'll burst that it's too much." He blinked at you before kissing you desperately, laying you back against the sheets. 

"What are you doing?" You panted as he began to kiss down your neck, sucking on the sweet spots that you had, 

"You're going to cum, I'm going to prove to you that it's not too much and you weren't burst." You froze in fear but he looked at you, 

"You can trust me." He promised you, kissing your lips softly as you allowed him to continue kissing down your body. That night for the first time you managed to let go of everything and experience what you'd heard so much about. 

JUNGKOOK:

"S-Shit you feel so fucking good princess," Jungkook groaned as he slammed in and out of you, rubbing your clit with his thumb as you rode him. You bit down on your lip trying to suppress your orgasm that was approaching, you cried out before leaning forward putting your head into the crook of his neck. Jungkook stopped thrusting up into you as you began to cry into his shoulder, his arms wrapped around your waist as he held you tightly thinking he'd moved too quickly and hurt you or something. 

"It's okay, I'm sorry...I'm sorry." He whispered over and over again as he ran his hands up and down your back trying to soothe you but you shook your head. 

"I can't do this anymore," You sniffled, pulling your face away from his neck as you wiped your eyes finally deciding you wanted to come clean with him. 

"I-I've been faking it and I just- I was close and then-" He wiped the tears from under your eyes as he frowned, 

"Did I do something wrong? Did I stop you from-"

"No, I didn't want to...I don't want to cum I look disgusting when I cum." He froze in place as he stared back at you not knowing what to say.

"Who told you that? Baby, you're beautiful," He whispered kissing all over your face as you began crying softly at his compliments explaining that one of your exes has been the one to convince you that you looked ugly whenever you would orgasm and it put you off ever wanting to do it again. 

"Princess. I want you to cum, I want you to feel good." He whispered as he kissed you, asking if he could continue and you nodded. Not letting the thoughts of your past experiences cloud your judgement. 

Tagline: @lyoongx​ @mitzwinchester​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @rjsmochii​ @sw33tnight​ @sweeneyblue1​ @agustdjoon​ @jin-from-the-block​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​

[obeymeluv]

Isnt devildom liquor weaker than human world liquor? Mc had beat Asmo in a drinking contest. How do you think it they'd act, completely hammered in the human world. I think harder liquor means stupider drunks.

Spoiler alert to the in-game MC’s “heritage” reveal. You know, the descendent/reincarnation thing. If you know, you know.

Below: Thoughts on Devildom liquor + the specific incident Nonnie is talking about with Asmo in game + THE ACTUAL ANSWER TO THE ASK. My bad, haha.

My thoughts on Devildom liquor at that point in the game:

The MC is not as affected because they are human/angel. Maybe the angel part fortifies MC and makes it harder for them to get drunk?

Maybe the HUMAN side of MC is what makes it harder for them to get drunk on Devildom liquor? Like...everything in the Devildom is made primarily for demons so maybe there are ingredients in there that specifically affect those with demon blood. Maybe humans don’t have the biology to be inebriated by those ingredients?

I am a little fuzzy on that point in the game but did Asmo pre-game? Like, a lot? Did we ever find out? I could see him being so emotionally distraught that his lovely MC is leaving that he just wants to be sloshed. Maybe he assumed MC beat him in a drinking contest because he forgot how much he already drank?

Maybe Solomon gave MC a heads up that Asmo was down for drinking and gave them a pre-game potion of their own to ward off the affects.

End hypothesis: Maybe Devildom liquor IS strong (for demons) but that potency just can’t translate in human bodies so the bros (Lucifer especially) don’t want MC drinking it because they’re not sure what it will do. They just ASSUME it will do to MC what it does to them.

Other thoughts: Because demons sprinkled little secrets to the humans over the course of history, gave them trinkets and magic and things, I’d like to think they gave humans the idea or process of alcohol-making but are TOTALLY not prepared for the end result. All the flavors, types, etc. 

As far as I understand it (at the point I’m at in the game), travel between the Devildom and human world was widely discouraged until Diavolo could make a program that united the three realms and improved the overall image. So basically everyone has been separated for thousands of years.

What if demons are equally bad at holding human world liquor? I could just see a drunk Asmo being like, “What is this? Sangria? This isn’t what I told them to call it.” as he’s trying to drink and (speed) walk away from Beel, who wants the fruit out of the pitcher.

I could just see them all getting TOTALLY wasted on human world stuff just because they thought “Ahh, we taught them this 5,000 years ago! Of COURSE we can handle it! We invented it!” (spoiler alert: they cannot). Like, I’d like to think their biology works against them here. They heal quicker and probably get over stomach aches and things quicker, so they probably metabolize alcohol quicker to restore bodily equilibrium so they probably get flash-drunk off of just about anything with a decent alcohol content. 

HOW THEY WOULD ACT (AKA: the real question)

The facts: 

They’re all going to be like drunk kittens, big bassy purrs and wanting to cuddle you or scent you. 

They’ll basically curl up in a pile together; you occasionally have to move body parts (so no one suffocates). 

Do a head count every now and then, give them some crackers/carbs when needed, and put water all around them like a summoning circle because when one of them wakes up, all of them will and they’ll act like big babies

Put a bucket near Lucifer and Asmo, they’re sympathy pukers.

Levi and Belphie need total sensory deprivation when they wake up. You may only breach the darkness to bring them things to settle their stomach and anything to kill the headache

Just give Beel bread and anything like Gatorade/Pedialite. He’ll help you with the others after three loaves or so.

Asmo will be especially pitiful and demand you take care of the others first. Once they’re decently able to take care of themselves he’s near teary-eyed, demanding tummy rubs and tell him he’s still pretty even though he feels awful. Please get him a sheet mask.

Mammon’s not functional enough to help with anything major but he’s standing the next day so he rubs that in everyone’s face. He’s the one shuffling around with a half-eaten sandwich, looking for any comfort item (heating pack, cold wrap for his head). He will demon screech at you if you touch any of the lights in the house.

As Mammon comes to, he demands dim lights and acts like a grumpy mom. He’s making porridge and they better shut up and eat it. Says it’s for him but there’s a suspicious amount of bowls nearby.

Satan just swears he’ll never drink again (like always). Dutifully waits for porridge. Spends most of his time letting cold water run over his head. Can’t spend too much time hunched over because he gets nauseous. Baby him a little. Find a way to let his head float in a bit of water where he can lay down and he’s as quiet as a mouse. 

Who can drink the most? (Best to worst - my opinions only)

1) Beel (body mass helps), 2) Mammon (party king), 3) Asmodeus (huuuge history with mixed drinks. Boy is READY), 4) Lucifer, 5) Satan (neck and neck with Lucifer - casual drinker only. Even wine is rare for him), 6) Leviathan, 7) Belphie (usually sleeping instead of drinking). 

Lucifer:

We’ve seen little gags about how ‘Lucifer got drunk and unplugged the router’ so this guy’s either going to be super cuddly, a hot mess, or both

You know the people who fluff their hair, comb it back, undo a tie or some buttons and just get comfy as they drink? That’s Lucifer.

He’ll smile a bit more, laugh a bit more, and there will be some color to his cheeks

He’s not sloppy, just cozy. 

Drunk Lucifer is not overly loud but he is honest. He won’t throw himself into groups or pester all the brothers, but he’s up for some accidentally-heartwarming one-on-one

When he’s drunk he’ll lay his head on your shoulder and let you play with his hair

Will not win any drinking games. Is actually a lightweight compared to his brothers (see best > worst drinker, above).

Mammon:

GO BIG OR GO HOME! MAMMON’S HERE TO PLAY FOR BIG MONEY! (AKA: bragging rights that he can handle more than his brothers)

He and Asmo are quick to get the drinks flowing because they want to try shots of everything. 

He and Asmo are pretty good at matching brothers to drinks and tasting subtle notes, things like that

Show Mammon beer pong once and it’s done. He’s betting the brothers he can whoop them and is somehow able to pull off ping pong ball math to get Lucifer shit-faced real quick (might do it even faster if Belphie or Satan slip him some money)

The type to be like “Bet you I can hit that cup right there--third row, second from the left.” and can do it flawlessly. You have to give him head pats or $5, that’s the rules.

He’ll be one of the bros you have to chase around and make put his clothes back on. Boy will try to strip and strut

Will definitely hoard his favorite bottle (picked it on smell) and spend a majority of the time trying to drink it and avoid the bros. (”YOU CAN’T MAKE ME SHARE IF YOU CAN’T CATCH ME!”)

Leviathan

Not the best drinker. Not a frequent drinker at all.

His envy makes him drink because as he starts to go on a tangent about how ‘it’s not fair! Everyone’s having a good time!’ when he realizes it’s as easy as picking up a drink. Like...he can join in too.

Levi won’t grab himself an alcoholic drink because he’s a nervous over-thinker. Asmo or Mammon will just hand him a cup like the resident Liquor Fairy and he trusts their judgement

The first one to let his demon form out just because the liquor is a little warm in his belly and he feels like he’s flying? Also comfortable?

The excited drunk who goes on animated, slurred rants

The loud laugher

He’s honestly so adorably animated that anyone who knew him would be surprised? He seems far from a shut in

Trade off: he can’t hold his liquor well

Boy probably trips on his own tail or thinks something snagged his ankle to bring him down when, in fact, he just fell down

Sways when he sits

When he’s done, he just wants a nice comfy lap to lay in and maybe play with his hair. 

Like Lucifer, liquor will make him confess all his feelings. 

Watch out for the tail. It will be all over you when he starts to lose the ability to wrap it around himself.

Satan:

It’s a toss-up as to whether he gets drunk before Lucifer or vice versa. I’d like to think his tolerance is slightly higher since he might run in the same circles as Asmo, but he is a part of Lucifer so I’m sure it balances out

He’s a drink snob and this is what hurts him the most. He goes to fancy tastings and random things he’s invited to, but this is a drop in the bucket

He’s never gone hardcore before because he’s afraid he’ll be prone to anger

He’s not. He’s actually a lot like Levi. He just wants to smile and laugh and have fun.

The one who knows a lot of random/interesting stuff and has unexpectedly awesome party tricks

He and Asmo act as instigators and somehow con everyone else into getting drunk. It’s mostly because he wants blackmail material, but he enjoys the mind games

He’s the one you’re going to have to carry BUT he’s super chill when he’s having a good time. You want him to wear a lampshade? Okay, but only if you call him Enlightened One (get it?)

Makes bad jokes. Lucifer definitely laughs

The one that randomly dances with someone at the party. But it’s a fancy dance or slow dance, not something crazy

Will try to prove he’s not as drunk as he is by reading or reciting something and just breaks down into snorts and giggles

Cat Mode: Activated. He wants to be all over you. Hug him and play with his hair, please.

Asmo:

Asmo isn’t really different from his usual self.

He’s a little social butterfly, making his rounds and checking on people

He’s the silent, sneaky drunk. No one notices he’s drunk until his face starts getting red and his eyes get glassy

The quiet cuddler. Just progressively gets closer to you until he’s resting his head on your shoulder, hugging you from the side and asking you to give him his drink.

Would be the happiest person on the planet if you literally just held his drink up to his lips and let him drink it when he wanted to. You just love him so much?! You’re so thoughtful?! He wants to cry

Guilty party #2 for ‘chase him around and make him put his clothes back on’

Next in line for ‘Liquor makes me tell the truth and my darkest secrets’.

Will try any activity at the party and will dance at least once with everybody

If he gets in a fight, that’s because someone doesn’t respect what he put on the party playlist. He knows good music, okay?!

Has a personal goal to steal one drink from everyone, drink it before they realize, and hand them back the empty cup as he slips away. Something about it just amuses him.

Wants to leave lipstick/lip gloss kisses on people. Thinks they’re the cutest accessory!

The one who loses something at the party and makes everyone look for it the next day

The one who’s passed out in a random spot and no one has the heart to move them but everyone checks on them to make sure they’re safe. When everyone’s turned in for the night, he is safely moved like the precious baby he is.

Beel:

The one who takes the longest to get drunk. You don’t know if it’s because of his build or how much he ate to offset the alcohol

Unofficial baby sitter of the group. Pays special attention to everyone but Belphie, Asmo, and Levi in particular.

Not super loud. Just vibes and enjoys time with his family.

He’ll participate in the party activities because he does have that competitive streak but he’s not as invested in it as Mammon. If he wins at least once he’s proved his point and is on to something else

Surprsingly, #3 to ‘you might have to chase him and make him put his clothes on’. Drunk Beel is convinced he’ll get over the alcohol faster with less clothes because of temperature regulation and something that doesn’t really make sense because he’s slurring

Will drink more if Belphie is nearby or if he can hold onto Belphie. Taking care of Belphie and knowing he’s okay (in a tactile way) makes him a little more carefree. 

Doesn’t really confess like the other bros but he’s the one no one can really hear talking because his purr takes over everything. His purrs are so loud and deep! Big boy is truly happy

Drunk Beel is affectionate as ever and this is where you learn that demons can express affection by licking people. Most of the bros end up with a Simba-style mohawk. It’s just one lick but Beel’s got a long tongue and it fucks with hair real good.

Will jump in for a song or two if karaoke is a thing at the party. A really good singer but wouldn’t do it unless he had a decent amount of alcohol in him.

He’s the type to trip over stuff trying to help clean up. If he falls down he says he’s just ‘taking a break’ and will ‘help in a minute’. Might not get up again.

Once Beel lays down, Belphie, Satan, and Levi drunk crawl/stumble/slither over to him for warmth. This is how the cuddle pile starts.

When he lays down, if you get anywhere near him, he’s begging you to lay down with him. Wants to whisper little compliments and lovely things. A big sap. Handsy but will definitely know when to lay off and will listen if you get uncomfortable. 

Belphie:

Honestly, doesn’t really drink. He’s more interested in the nap.

His biggest motivation is to get the others drunk so everyone’s quiet and he can sleep. Definitely wants Lucifer blackmail.

He’ll have a few things but he prefers a lot of something mild versus a mix or a few shots of something super potent

Will try the funnel drink challenge.

The third enticer. He wants to work everyone up (Lucifer especially) and get the booze going.

Borrows off of Beel’s body mass and ability to handle alcohol here and there, but it all catches up with him eventually

The type to have really diluted drinks because he’s already sleepy by nature and doesn’t want to faceplant with a shot glass.

Will slow dance with Asmo. When Asmo starts to struggle with his weight as Belphie gets cozy and sleepy, Beel steps in and you just see the twins purring and warbling to each other as Beel just scoops him up and lets him sit on his hip like a toddler.

Another one who wants to slither into your lap and take all your attention.

The type to do random shit like boop your nose and giggle about it.

The one who doesn’t want anyone else to touch you. If he’s laying on you then the others need to leave you alone. It’s not hard to understand!

[zhuhongs]

Ever since I watched Your Name Engraved Herein two weeks ago, I have wanted to talk about Jiahan as whole but in particular this scene right here that starts around the 40 minute mark. 

CW’s: discussion of religion, internalized homophobia, violent homophobia, choking, and lack of consent. Generally, the same cws as in the movie. 

Read more bc it’s uh.. 2.7k

all images are described in alt text

As soon as I watched this scene I just knew it had to be really significant and now rewatching YNEH, I realize that this is a major ideological turning point for Jiahan as a character. From this point on he slowly begins to accept that he’s gay and starts to consciously act on his feelings for Birdy. However, I must first add some context and insights on Jiahan’s prior behavior before I dive into this scene as a whole. At the beginning of the movie, we see that while Jiahan feels different from the rest of his roomates, he still sneaks out with them when they go hook up with girls, despite not showing any interest in the girl he’s with. He feels very different from the rest of his friends, but still goes along with them due to peer pressure. Later, he tries to dissuade them from violently hazing the gay student, Xie Zhenhong, (his name is never said in the film but it says so on his uniform shirt, and that what I’ll refer to him as for the rest of the post) but is reluctantly influenced to gang up on the student as well. He closes his eyes while he’s about to strike the bat down on the student, until Birdy rescues the student-- and Jiahan in a way-- from what is about to play out. After this, his friends accuse him of being in the same stall as Birdy (which he was) but he denies it, not wanting to explain why he was there and the ensuing taunting from his friends.

 While its obvious that Jiahan has feelings for Birdy, he isn’t confident enough to pursue them outright. Birdy is the more confident one in both their friendship and in his sexuality, not caring about how anyone perceives him and does what he wants regardless of the consequences. Jiahan is the one worried about societal stigma and goes along with things he doesn’t want to do. However after this encounter with the gay underclassman pictured above, Jiahan become more brave and honest about his feelings towards Birdy. Interestingly enough in the scene directly after this, Birdy begins to conceal his true feelings for Jiahan and pursue a straight relationship with Banban. He doesn’t do this hurt Jiahan, as he does reciprocate Jiahan’s feelings, but to discourage him from coming out and becoming a social pariah for being gay. Birdy himself doesn’t mind being an outcast, but he does not want to see the same thing happen to the one he loves. So instead of letting Jiahan do that, he tries to discourage Jiahan from ever pursuing him by getting a girlfriend and suggest Jiahan does the same. In the same day, both Jiahan and Birdy come to opposite realizations about their feelings for the other, thereby changing their dynamic for the course of the movie. Someone else has picked apart Birdy’s scene in their own post. If you haven’t read that analysis, please go read it, because its really good at explaining Birdy’s character since most of his story isn’t directly revealed to us. We must read inbetween the lines and piece it together, which can be confusing on a first watch.

Anyways, now we can focus on Jiahan. At this point in the movie, Jiahan is trying to understand why he’s upset that Birdy is showing interest in a girl in their band while dealing with his own internalized homophobia and denial over his sexuality. He then turns to the only out gay person he knows -- Xie Zhenhong, who he sees in the cafeteria with new bruises on his face. He looks at Jiahan with a smile. This makes me feel like Zhenhong probably picked up on Jiahan and Birdy’s feelings for each other since last year, when he saw them exit the same stall in the bathroom. Having been the Distinguished Out Person in a group before, I can definitely relate to the way Zhenhong reacts to Jiahan. It the typical “oh honey, you don’t realize it yet, but I know you’re gay” reaction. 

 Jiahan waits outside the cafeteria and calls out to out him from behind. At first Zhenhong ignores him as we can see that he smirks a bit when he first speaks. He definitely heard Jiahan but doesn’t answer him until he repeats himself a few times. Zhenhong purposely stops when the two are in front of the stained glass window, away from others. Jiahan’s word choice towards Zhenhong is also interesting as he addresses him as “學弟” which is a term for an underclassman. To my understanding, it’s not overly formal nor is it overly familiar, however it is the nicest way that anyone has addressed him all movie. Jiahan than asks him who gave him those bruises, showing concern for his well being. He then reveals why he stopped Zhenhong saying “Actually I want to ask you, when did you start liking boys?” This really seals the deal to Zhenhong that Jiahan is talking to him to try and sort out his own feelings towards Birdy. While his suggestion that Zhenhong perhaps “see a doctor” or “consider getting a girlfriend” read as a microaggression to most viewers, Zhenhong himself can tell that Jiahan is asking him this in good faith. And perhaps, this might be the most understanding anyone has been towards him since Birdy helped him out prior. Before he responds, he looks up at Jiahan and fixes his bangs. This all stumps Jiahan whose eyes dart around, speechless. Zhenhong then circles his arms around Jiahan’s neck, a very intimate gesture, and studies him for a moment. We cannot see Jiahan’s face at this moment but he does shuffle slightly, his body language nervous and confused, but not upset. After looking at him, Zhenhong then goes in closer, assumedly to kiss him. At this point, Jiahan physically stops him and grabs him by the throat. However, Jiahan’s face doesn’t seem to be angry, if anything, his face looks more scared and confused-- akin to a ‘what are you doing?’ moment.

Initially Zhenhong’s choice to kiss Jiahan read very...strangely to me. Why would the screenwriter, as a gay man that grew up in the 80’s, choose to include this? What was there to gain? To me it seemed like it was reinforcing the stereotype of gay men being overly flirtacious and viewed as predators. Why show a nonconsentual attempted kiss at all? I thought about it a lot, both for this scene and the following one with the old man and later between Jiahan and Birdy because it seemed?? Odd to me?? Isn’t that a disservice in representing gay men? I don’t fully have the right answer but I feel like by writing the scene like this, it goes to demonstrate how Jiahan still isn’t fully comfortable with being gay. And also that lgbt people, especially teens, aren’t always going to be good rep. Liu Kuang-hui wasn’t writing the movie to be an perfect, morally uplifting, santized gay narritive. He was writing something that spoke to his real life experience as a gay man in 1980’s Taiwan. In real life, people do questionable things and good narratives are supposed to make you question characters and their actions and judge for yourself whether what they did was right or wrong. The narrative isn’t looking to condemn Xie Zhenhong for doing this. Xie Zhenhong is ultimately a victim of violent homophobia, that will not hide himself or his sexuality despite the violence he faces. He isn’t perfect, nor is Jiahan, nor is Birdy, nor is anyone in the film. 

Although now having rewatched this scene upwards of eight times in writing this, it feels like Zhenhong didn’t assume this action to be without consent. Of course, no words were explicitly exchanged about kissing, and I’m not trying to make the case that it’s okay to kiss someone without their consent, that’s harassment. However, Zhenhong did gave Jiahan time to express his discomfort before proceeding. Zhenhong first got close to Jiahan by brushing his bangs, Jiahan did not say anything or look visibly uncomfortable. He then put his arms around Jiahan’s neck, and stared at him for a good ten seconds. At this point, Jiahan had time to say he was uncomfortable. As we know it, consent does indeed entail a verbal, understood yes from both parties. However given the context, I can understand why Zhenhong thought that Jiahan was consenting at that moment. However the moment Jiahan revoked his consent Zhenhong stopped trying to kiss him. Zhenhong shouldn’t have gone in without getting verbal consent, and Jiahan could’ve done something other than grabbing him by the throat. They were both in the wrong. Violence shouldn’t have been the reaction, nor should’ve kissing someone without their verbal consent. The lines were very blurred, and proper communication could’ve resulted in a better interaction but like I mentioned above, I don’t think the writers wanted to portray the scene in that way. The intent was not to say that Zhenhong’s actions were romantic or something to emulate. It was very purposeful in showing to interplay of homophobia, gay desire, and religion.

The scene is set up like a religious confession. Zhenhong purposefully leads Jiahan to the stained glass, a metaphor for his religious guilt. He doesn’t look Zhenhong in the eyes, his voice is hushed, and body language nervous, and troubled-- it communicates to Zhenhong that he thinks he may be gay and wants either reassurance that he isn’t or acceptance that is. Regardless, it’s a very vulnerable and intimate moment. Jiahan is facing him like ‘hey, I know my friends were bullying you and I wanted to save you but was too much of a coward and almost took part in harming you. I’m sorry. I know you saw that me and Birdy were in the same stall together, and that you saw me just telling him not to talk to the girls, and neither of those are heterosexual things to do. Please, help me.’ He’s asking Zhenhong to pass judgement on him, is he gay or not? By virtue of even asking that question, they both know the answer -- Jiahan is in love with Birdy, but whether Jiahan can accept that or not is up to him. In a way, Zhenhong is testing Jiahan to see how honest he can be with himself. By approaching him like that, he’s testing to see whether Jiahan can accept being intimate with a man or not. It’s not a good or ethical test, but it sure is effective. Because in his head, Jiahan is coming to realize that he doesn’t mind a man being close to him in a romantic way. Although, he isn’t fully there yet. He still grabs Zhenhong. But as Zhenhong stares at him despite the hand around his throat, Jiahan really has to think about his actions. Is that what he really wants to do, or is that what he’s been taught to do? It illustrates his internalized homophobia perfectly. Jiahan is literally staring gay desire in the face, rejecting it, while in front of his religion. Zhenhong finally answers Jiahan that “he has always loved boys since he was little, it’s never changed.” Upon hearing that his grip loosens and he pulls away. And the fact that we can hear him well means that Jiahan was never choking him, his hand was there, but not gripping. Zhenhong pulls him in closer and tilts his head, and says “and it never will.”  Zhenhong’s words are very deliberate. It’s as if he anticipated this might happen and knew exactly what to say. He wants to carve it in Jiahan’s brain that no one chooses to be gay. They always are and no amount of denial, like the kind Jiahan is showing, will change that. He then finally lets go of Jiahan, who is speechless, he thanks him, and leaves. Jiahan, however, stays there for a second, processing everything that has happened, and breathes heavily before the scene cuts to later that day.

Finally, I would like to examine exactly what Zhenhong’s “thanks” even means. Why would Zhenhong be thanking Jiahan? On the surface, it lookslike Jiahan waited for this guy to finish eating, then asked him invasive questions about his sexuality and suggest he should get help and then almost choked him. This should count as a microagression at best and an attempted hate crime at worst. But, as I just dived into, this wasn’t a bad faith jeer by Jiahan in order to bully Zhenhong, this was a genuine cry for help made by a deeply confused teenager. I feel like the “thanks.” at the end of the scene was perhaps just as puzzling to me as when I thought about why the staff would have that scene play out like that in the first place? I think his thanks is conveying many things. Firstly, thanking him for not actually hurting him and allowing him to have a semi normal interaction with a student of the same gender. As far as we know, many,  MANY different students have tried to hurt him in the new semester alone. Hell, we literally do not even know his name as everyone refers to him by the q slur or some other derogatory term, which speaks a lot to how he is treated. He also may be saying thanks for actually asking him about his sexuality. While Jiahan still followed it up with a suggestion he see a doctor, he still genuinely wanted to know why rather fully assume he has something wrong with him. Also, I feel like he might be thanking Jiahan for being brave enough to actually confront his sexualtiy and ask Zhenhong for help in the first place. Zhenhong really seems to be alone as the only gay student at the school but now knowing that Jiahan is realizing thathe’s gay as well, might make him be hopeful that things may slowly begin to change. Sadly, this interaction is the last time we see Xie Zhenhong all film which sucks because I really liked him. And I feel like it would’ve been really nice to see him after the time skip or at least have Jiahan mention him because this moment was one of the things that really made Jiahan start to accept his sexuality. A cut scene with Father Oliver also contributed, but I really wish Xie Zhenhong got more narrative than being the only out student that was then violently bullied. But, I acknowledge that MANY scenes were cut from the film for length so I can’t complain to much.

Oh god, that was a lot to say about a scene that was literally a minute and thirty seconds long. In conclusion!! I just had a lot of things to say about this scene and the scenes surrounding it. I think Jiahan is just a very painfully relatable character for many LGBT viewers and he was incredibly relatable for me which is why I felt the need to spend my day off writing this as opposed to doing homework. This scene is incredibly rich on many levels and I really appreciate YNEH as a whole for not spoonfeeding the viewer information and letting us interpret and question the scenes on our own and come to our own conclusions about the characters and yea. There’s so much going on and a lot of nuance and idk how to properly convey a lot of my thoughts but I tried really hard bc i really do love this movie. I really was puzzled by this scene at first, but now having examined it, it is my favorite scene in the movie. If this scene was changed in any way to make it more palatable, it would’ve been nearly as impactful which was a hard decision to come to, but I stand by it. I don’t know if I feel the same about other scenes but I will be reviewing YNEH as a whole in a different post. I have much more to say but my thoughts on this scene were far too long to not make it a separate post of its own. In essence, YNEH is about growing up and accepting yourself in all ways. Not all of those things are pleasant but if you cannot accept those things about yourself, you’re doomed to be miserable until you can live life unburdened by your own and societies limitations. Goodnight, my fingers hurt.

[atlafan]

And They Were Roommates - One Shot

a/n: I’ve had this idea for a long time, and I’m glad it’s finally come together. I love friends to lovers fics, they make my stomach twist in the best possible way, so I hope you all enjoy these two! Feedback and reblogs are always helpful. (not proofread)

Warnings: two idiots refusing to just get together until they do, SMUT, mentions of Only Fans (which I truthfully know nothing about, but I wanted to make things saucy)

Words: 11.3K

“We just need to be quiet in case my roommate’s home.” You say to your date, Jeremy, as you key into your flat. He nods with a grin as you enter.

“Hey, lovie, how was the-“ Harry smirks when he sees you come in with your date. “I see it went well, never mind.”

You roll your eyes at him. He was sitting on the couch in some sweat pants, and that was it, watching some romantic comedy.

“Harry, this is Jeremy, Jeremy this is my roommate Harry.”

“I’m her best friend too, but I can see she clearly hasn’t brought me up all night. M’a little offended, pet.”

“Okay, well, I’ll try to be more courteous.” You shake your head at him, and tug Jeremy along to your bedroom. “Sorry about him. He usually goes out on Friday nights, but lately he’s been staying in more.”

“You…you live with that guy?”

“Sure.” You shrug and then wrap your arms around his neck. “We’ve been friends for years, and we’re in the same grad program, so it just made sense to split a flat.”

“Listen…uh, I was excited that you invited me up, but I can’t fuck you with that guy sitting out there.”

“What?” You frown and step back. “Why not?”

“Because I’ll just think you’re thinking of him the whole time. He’s…like…perfect! I can’t compete with that.”

“Jeremy, you’re being silly, just clear your head, we can-“

“Sorry, Y/N.”

Jeremy opens your door and leaves you standing in your room. You were in shock. Jeremy walks quickly back out into the main area, and sees Harry still sitting and watching his movie.

“Oi, that was quick, mate. Hope you left my girl satisfied.” Harry grins at a disgruntled Jeremy, and he leaves.

“You know it’s comments like that…” You sniffle as you stand there in your pretty dress and heels. “That make guys just up and leave.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He took one look at you sitting there like that and ran off!”

“So, I can’t even sit in the comfort of my own living room without some douche feeling emasculated? Are you sure you want someone like that fucking you, Y/N?”

“I just wanted to hook up! Christ, now I have to go take care of it myself.” You groan.

“Well, when you’re done, come join me. We can watch My Best Friend’s Wedding.” He leans forward and smiles. “You look really nice tonight, I’m sorry he was an idiot.”

“Thanks.” You wipe your finger under your nose. “Would you make some popcorn or something?”

“On it.”

Alright, some explanation is probably needed here. See, you and Harry met your sophomore year of uni, no, not drunk at some party, in class, actually. You both were education majors, so you ended up having a lot of classes together once you really dove into your major courses. You got paired up on a project together, and there was no separation between the two of you after that.

Normally, Harry wouldn’t have been the type of guy you’d be friends with. To be honest, he dressed like a douchebag when you first met him. You wondered why he’d want to be a teacher. He had floppy curls, wore a snapback with every outfit, and you didn’t think he owned a pair of jeans that didn’t have any rips in them. Although, you did enjoy his Chelsea boots, his sweaters, and his nail polish and rings.

You were innocent, and sort of preppy while he was loud mouthed and scruffy. Your friend groups never merged, but your best friend knew about your friendship with Harry. She’d constantly poke fun and say you had a crush on him. You didn’t. Harry was hot as fuck, anyone with eyes could see that, but you weren’t into him in that way. That was one of the reasons he liked hanging out with you so much. Most girls that tried to be his friend were just trying to fuck, and that could be fun, but sometimes he genuinely wanted to meet up for coffee and have a conversation without it leading to screwing on an extra-long twin bed.

Harry’s friends knew you well. As the years went on, you’d often be the one he’d bring back to his place drunk. You started off by sleeping on the floor, and then one night you realized you both adults and could sleep in the same bed. His friends would give him an equally tough time about you. Sometimes you’d come over and wait in his room for him while he was out with another girl. To some that may have been weird, but nothing was better than drunk platonic cuddles.

There was one night, your senior year, you had woken up with him spooning you. In all the nights spent together, you two never fell asleep or woke up like that. You didn’t shift when you felt his morning wood poking you. His arm was draped loosely over you. You almost wanted to see if he’d make a move, so you pretended to stay asleep a little longer. His hand had slid to your hip and squeezed it, but that was the extent of the interaction. He rolled onto his back, and you did the same. You looked up at him and started giggling.

“It’s not funny.” He groaned, putting his forearm over his eyes.

“Didn’t know I did it for you, Har.” You poked the dimple forming on his face as he smiled.

“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart, happens to every guy in the morning.” He peered down at you and you rolled your eyes.

You had never spoken about it afterwards. You didn’t want to embarrass him. When you both talked about grad school, and got into the same university, he asked you to be his flat-mate.

“You don’t wanna live with Niall and Louis anymore?”

“They’re getting real jobs, they won’t wanna listen to me complain about school. I’ve found a great two bedroom place. I think it could be fun for us. Dontcha wanna live with me, baby?” He pouted at you and you nudged his shoulder and laughed.

“Christ, I hate it when you start getting all beggy. Alright, we can live together.”

He took you in his arms and hugged you. You were both extremely excited. Sometimes it seemed like you and Harry knew everything about each other, but that was not the case. After you moved in and got settled, it was time you revealed something to him. You called him into your bedroom to talk.

“Is everything okay? You’re not having doubts, are you?”

“No! Not at all, I’m glad we’re doing this. I feel safe with you here, and I’m glad we still have classes together. I…I just need to tell you something. Um, I don’t know what you do to...like, when you’re alone, I don’t know what you use, but I know things can pop up geographically, so I just wanted to warn you.” You bit your bottom lip, and turned your laptop around to show him your Only Fans page. His eyes widened, and then he shook his head.

“This is a joke, right? You made a fake website.”

“It’s not fake…” You muttered. “I don’t do lives, I don’t get naked, and I don’t show my face.”

“Then what do you do?”

“I was a dance minor, as you may recall.” He nodded yes at you. “So I make little strip tease videos and blur my face. Sometimes I take lingerie photos too. It’s a wonder what people will pay for.”

“How’d you get into this?” There was no judgement in his voice, he was genuinely curious.

“It started as a joke between Jenna and I, but then we started making money, and it’s enough that I can pay all my bills and live comfortably. I’ve already paid off one of my student loans thanks to this. I don’t even know if you use Only Fans, but I knew you’d probably recognize me or something if you stumbled across it so…I just wanted to warn you.”

“You know…the coffee shop I work at is hiring if you don’t feel like doing this kind of stuff.” He smirked.

“I actually don’t mind it. I essentially work for myself.”

“So you don’t sit in front of your camera and get yourself off with little bunny ears on?”

“No.” You laughed. “Just videos of me dancing in some intricate lighting, and saucy photos.”

“Can I see?”

“What?!”

“Not one of the videos, show me some pictures.”

“Harry…”

“Come on. I’ve seen you dressed to the nines before, but I’m having trouble believing you would take any provocative photos.”

“Fine.” You clicked through the various photos, and find a mostly decent one. “Here, you can look at this one.”

His eyes widen again as he scans it over. You could only see your face from the lips down. You had a lollypop pressed to them, and some of the juice from it was dripping down your chin. You were laying on your bed in a pink lace bodysuit, and if he squinted he could probably see your nipples, but he chose against it. Your legs were up against the headboard, crossed at the ankle.

“Well?” You asked.

“It’s, uh, it’s very tasteful.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks for telling me…I…I  mean I definitely look at porn sometimes, so…uh…definitely wouldn’t have wanted to accidentally wanked it to you.”

“I doubt you would have even stayed on my page for long. You probably like to watch the really freaky shit.” You grinned and closed your laptop.

“I don’t know, there’s something sort of sexy about someone looking so innocent.”

“And that’s exactly what my viewers seem to say in the comments.”

Harry never brought up your page after that. You didn’t make him promise not to go searching for it, you just figured he wouldn’t. With all that aside, your living situation was working out perfectly. Sometimes Harry would bring home the day old muffins or bagels from the coffee shop, and you both had all the free coffee you could drink.

When you first moved in he was like his old self. He went out on dates almost every weekend. Normally he wouldn’t bring someone back, but once in a while he would. You never minded, you’d bring people back too, but you started to notice a pattern. Most guys either would have a tough time fucking you if he was home, or would end up leaving the way Jeremy did. You weren’t sure why they felt so threatened by Harry.

You supposed Jeremy could have been taken aback by seeing Harry shirtless. He was muscular, but not quite skinny. Buff in a way. He could hurt someone if he really wanted to. Once you’ve changed into some comfy pj’s, you plop down on the couch with Harry, and dive into the bowl of popcorn he made so you could watch your movie.

“So, I take it you’re not gonna take care of things yourself?”

“I’m too annoyed now.” You sigh. “It’s fine. I’ll try my luck with some random when we go out tomorrow night.”

“Good idea.” He throws his arm around you, and you both settle as the opening credits start.

//

Harry had to be up early for his shift at the coffee shop. After getting some schoolwork done, you took the opportunity to get some other work done. You had to be dressed for the club tonight anyways, so you got dolled up, and took some new photos for your page. You always got comments about your lips, so you’d use blow-pops to kiss against, or to rub against. You got some really great shots in, and got dressed in your regular clothes before Harry got home.

“Got your evening makeup on already? It’ll be hours before we leave, love.” He says as he runs a hand through his hair.

“You’re not the only one that worked today.” You wink at him and he rolls his eyes.

“You know, if I didn’t have all my tattoos I could be doing the same thing you’re doing.”

“Plenty of people with tattoos have pages.”

“The last thing I need is to start working at some school, and have a parent recognize me for the wrong reasons.”

“True.” You nod and go into the fridge. “I’m gonna make some stirfry, are you hungry?”

“I could eat.” He shrugs. “I’m gonna go shower.”

“Alright.”

You didn’t necessarily mind that you’re dating life was a little tricky. You had all the domesticity you could need with Harry, however, you were certainly hoping to meet someone tonight at the club. You just wanted to have a meaningless hookup.

After dinner, and having a couple of drinks at home, you and Harry meet up with Niall and Louis at the club. Louis and Harry were laughing over something, so you decide to pay Niall a little attention. You always thought he was cute and funny. He was always nice to you too, as was Louis.

“How are things with your classes?” He asks. “Sort of wish I was doing the grad school thing.”

“Oh, but your job is so cool! Data analysis is riveting.” You giggle against the rim of your drink and he shakes his head. “Classes are good. I’m more so just excited to start teaching, but I have a while for that yet. Practicum last year was such a tease.”

“I bet you’d be a fun teacher, you’d certainly have no problem keeping my attention.” He slings one of his arms around the back of the booth you were sitting in and he inches closer. You smile at him and take a sip of your drink.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” You put your hand on his shoulder and twirl the material of his shirt around your finger.

“Your voice for one thing. It’s smooth, soothing. Your smile is sweet, so that helps too.”

You blush a little from his compliments, and finish your drink.

“Need another, babe?” Harry asks, breaking you and Niall from your little chat.

“I can get it.” Niall says. “Vodka tonic?”

“Please.” You smile and watch him go up to the bar. Louis and Harry look at you. “What?”

“Are you trying to fuck Niall?” Louis asks.

“Of course she’s no-“ Harry says, but he’s cut off by you.

“So what if I am?” She scoffs. “It’s safer than trying to get some guy I don’t know, right?”

“If that’s the case, why not just fuck Harry?” Louis smirks.

Harry death glares Louis as your face scrunches.

“It’s a little cliché, isn’t it?” You say. “Fucking your roommate and best friend? I’ll pass. That’s a load of drama we don’t need.”

“So, what you’re saying is, if Harry wasn’t your roommate or your best friend, you’d fuck him?”

“Hmm…” You tap your chin playfully and look Harry up and down. Before you can answer, Niall returns with your drink, and another round for the guys. “Thank you.” You say to him, and he sits down closely next to you.

“You wouldn’t wanna dance, would you?” Niall asks you.

“I’d love to!”

You both get up and make your way over to the dancefloor. Harry sulks while he plays with the straw in his drink.

“What are you all mopey for, huh?” Louis asks him.

“I don’t really like the idea of them hooking up. Could change the dynamic of things for all of us.”

“Instead of worrying about that, why don’t we try to go meet some ladies of our own, hm?” Louis smiles at Harry, and Harry nods in agreement.

You were having a lot of fun dancing with Niall, and his laugh was infectious tonight. You told him you needed to use the ladies room, and when you came back he was acting like a completely different person.

“Did I do something wrong?” You ask him over the blaring music.

“No! I just…” He looks over at Harry and Louis and then back to you. “We really shouldn’t be messing around like this.”

“We were just dancing.”

“But it was going to lead to something more, no?”

“Did you want it to?”

“Well, yeah, but you’re my friend, and…I wouldn’t want to make anything weird between us.”

“So…you don’t wanna go into the single stall bathroom and have me suck you off?” You bat your lashes at him and his eyes widen.

“Shit.” He says under his breath. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.”

He wraps his hand around your wrist, and leads you through the crowd of people. You both go into the bathroom without a single thought and lock the door. You could hear the music faintly as you looked at each other.

“You seemed pretty sure of things before.” You say to him.

“I…I wigged out for a second. I really want this.”

You smile and step forward, pressing your lips to his. His hands go to your hips, and he squeezes you. He tasted like the tequila he had been drinking, and you smile against him. You kiss across his jaw, and to his neck while your hands work to undo his belt.

“You’re okay with this?” You ask him.

“Yeah, go for it. Would it be easier if I sat up on the counter?”

“No, I don’t mind getting on my knees, thanks.” You smirk at him and sink down, tugging his pants and boxers down just enough for his hard dick to spring out. You look up at him, impressed.

“Don’t look so surprised.”

“Sorry.” You chuckle. “Good for you, though, honestly.”

You kiss his tip and he jerks slightly towards you. You wrap your lips around him, and suck on him. His hands move your hair back, and you close your eyes as you work him over. You pump what you can’t fit, or what you don’t feel like fitting, and you hear him panting. This is all you wanted, you just wanted to make someone feel good.

“Y/N, I’m gonna come.” He warns you, and you give his thigh a squeeze to let him know it’s okay.

He comes into your mouth, and you swallow it to not make a mess. He helps you stand up, and then you help him zip his pants. After rinsing your mouth out he grabs you and kisses you. Your eyes flutter closed as he sucks on your bottom lip.

“Would you finger me?” You ask him just above a whisper against your lips.

“I’ll do anything you want.”

//

Louis was off making out with some girl while Harry was at the bar, brooding. You and Niall come back from the bathroom with flushed cheeks. Harry looks at you, and then looks at Niall. Niall just rubs the back of his neck and looks away.

“Y/N, are you ready to go home?” Harry asks her.

“Um…I was hoping to have another drink, but if you wanna leave we can.”

“I’d like to, yeah.”

You both say goodnight to Niall, and head out. He doesn’t say anything to in the back of the cab, and he’s quiet as you both go inside your flat. He fills two glasses of water and hands one to you.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him.

“Why’d you have to fuck my friend? Of all the guys in there, it had to be Niall?”

“I’m going to bed, I’m not having this conversation with you.” You start to walk away from him.

“So if I took Rachel into the bathroom at club and fucked her, you’d be fine with it?”

“Rachel’s a lesbian, so that’s a moot point.”

“You know what I’m trying to say.”

“I wouldn’t care, Harry. Also, you make it seem like Niall isn’t my friend, when he is. And not that it’s any of your business, but we didn’t do more than diddle each other. I sucked him off, and then I let him finger me, that was it.”

“You know, if you just needed to get off, I’m sure your own hand would have sufficed.” He huffs.

“Sometimes you just wanna feel someone else’s hand.” You say quietly.

“So Niall’s a good enough friend to diddle you, but I’m not? I’m extremely offended.”

“Harry…I don’t have to see Niall every day. It would get weird between us, and you know it.”

“I’m just saying, if you needed some help-“

“Don’t finish that sentence. You’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Go put yourself to bed, I’m gonna go wash up.”

“I’m assuming no cuddles tonight then?”

“You’ve assumed correctly, goodnight.”

Harry emerges from his room around ten the next morning, thankful he had the day off from work. You were sitting on the couch in the living room, coffee cup in hand while reading one of your textbooks. He sees you’ve made coffee, and he pours himself a cup.

“Morning.” He yawns as he sits next to you.

“Morning.” You say without looking at him.

“Are you mad at me for some reason? Usually you come to my room after we’ve been out like that, and you didn’t…”

“Harry, do you seriously not remember what happened last night?” He shakes his head no at you. “It just wasn’t a good night for drunk cuddles, okay? Can we leave it at that?”

“Alright.” He shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee. “Do you feel like going to the campus library with me in a bit? I’ve got a paper to work on, and a change of scenery would do be some good.”

“Sure! I have some mock lesson plans I need to work on so that sounds good.”

He watches you get up and go into your room so you can get ready. He sighs to himself, feeling bad for lying to you. He takes his phone out to text Niall.

Harry: I’m sorry about last night…I know I can’t control what you do and who you do it with, and clearly what I said to you didn’t matter anyways

Niall: I was going to listen…but she really wanted it, mate, I’m sorry. It wasn’t anything serious, just two friends helping each other out, alright?

Harry: alright

Niall: are you sure you don’t have feelings for her?

Harry: I just don’t think it’s smart for our little circle to comingle like that, that’s all

Niall: whatever you say

“Harry, go get dressed, the sooner we go, the sooner we can come back and watch a movie.”

“Right.” He says with a smile and gets up.

//

Harry fucked up one night. He didn’t feel like trolling on Tinder for a lay, so he found himself on Only Fans. There were a couple of pages he was subscribed to, but they just weren’t doing it for him tonight. He wanted something a little different, so, against his better judgement…he went to your page. Sometimes he’d check it out just to make sure no one was leaving you any sick comments, he never really went there to ogle you. But because you didn’t use your face, he could use his imagination a little bit. He puts his headphones in, and clicks on one of your free videos.

He smiles when he hears one of your favorite songs playing in the background. You were a skilled video editor, hoping to teach that media arts. The video fades in, and there you are, completely clothed. You start dancing, it wasn’t over sexy, but you had a way about taking your clothes off. You were doing a chair dance, one of your specialties. The video ends with you just about to take your shirt off, and then it fades out with a smirk on your lips.

“Oh, she’s good.” He says to himself.

Leaving people wanting more was certainly key on this site. He sighs, and clicks through a couple of the other free things you had on your page, and then eventually he pays to subscribe. You’d never know it was him, it’s not like he used his real name. He was more curious than anything to see what else you could have on there. He clicks through some of your photos. His jaw drops when he sees you licking a lollypop.

There’s a knock on his door, and he nearly throws his laptop across the room. He exits out of his all his tabs and closes his laptop.

“Come in!”

“Hey.” You say, leaning against the door frame.

“What’s up?” He was sweating. Had you seen that you had a new subscriber? Had you somehow figured out it was him?

“I have cramps, can I come lay with you?”

“Oh.” He sighs with relief. “Sure.” He makes some room for you on his bed, and climb on, laying on your stomach.

“What were you up to?”

“Looking for some porn to watch, to be honest with you.” He chuckles as he rubs at your lower back.

“Oh, Christ.” You laugh and nudge his leg. “You didn’t need to let me in.”

“It’s alright, you’re more interesting anyways. How was your day? Feel like I barely saw you?”

“It was good. I had a lot of work to get done so I was at the library, and then I met up with Rach for dinner.”

“How’s she?”

“Good. She’s finally starting to make some friends at work.” You sit up and move to sit on your bum. “I have a cheeky idea. Let’s find a really bad porn to watch.”

“Together?”

“Yeah! We could find a cheesy one from the seventies or something, stuff our faces with ice cream and have a good laugh.”

“I’ll go get the ice cream, you find one to watch.” He slides his laptop over to you, and gets up.

You knew his password, so you enter it in. You open up his browser, and go on incognito mode. He comes back shortly with a gallon of ice cream and two spoons.

“Okay, I think I’ve found one. Major bush on this woman, and the guy.”

“Incredible.” He laughs and hands you a spoon. “Let’s see how they did it back then. Who knows, I may learn something new.”

“God, porn back then was only made for men.” You scoff, and take a bite of the ice cream. “I mean, these women just lay there and take it! What’s the fun in that?”

“I know, I like it when the girl’s a little more involved instead of just starfishing.”

“I’m all for a guy being on top, but you really shouldn’t just lay there. There’s still plenty a girl can do. Although, I have to say, when I’m not super into it, I just lay there until the guy comes.”

“Why not just speak up and tell him to do something else?”

“At that point there’s no coming back. Besides, you know how fragile the male ego is.” You smirk at him.

“True…although, I think it’s really hot when a girl is vocal in the bedroom. If she’s telling me how she likes it then I know she knows her body, and that image alone is so satisfying.” He takes a slow bite of the ice cream to watch your face.

“It doesn’t get frustrating?”

“Not for me.” He shrugs. “I mean, I’m usually able to figure it out without much help, but I always make sure to ask if it feels good.”

“What a gentleman.” You poke his cheek and he swats it away. “I like it when a guy is vocal too, like, isn’t afraid to moan, that kind of stuff.”

“I never understood why guys are so afraid to moan. If it feels good, let it out.”

“Exactly!”

You both completely forgot you had an old porn on in the background until you heard an extremely fake moan rip through the speaker. You both laugh hysterically.

“This must’ve been before boobs jobs got popular, those are as natural as they get.” Harry laughs.

“Jesus, I know, look at those things bounce!” You laugh, and then look down at yourself, frowning.

“What?”

“Well….I have, like, bowling ball tits, like when you go candle pin bowling, is it attractive to watch big, heavy boobs like that?�� You point to the screen. “And mine are kinda saggy, and-“

“Please, stop talking about yourself like that. Don’t you have, like, thousands of subscribers on your Only Fans? People clearly like the way you look.”

“They’ve never seen me naked.”

“Still.” He looks down at your covered chest. You were wearing a sweatshirt. “You…not to sound creepy, but you’ve got a great set on you. I’ve always thought so.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I just never said anything because I didn’t want you knowing I was checking you out.” He smirks and throw one of his pillows at him. “It’s hard not to with some of the shirts or dresses you wear to the clubs sometimes. You really know how to make yourself look sexy.”

“Oh, and I’m not sexy right now?” You chuckle.

“No, you are, it’s just a different kind of sexy. Like, you more cute than anything else, but still totally fuckable.”

“Gee, thanks.” You roll your eyes and take another bite of ice cream. “Mm, we picked a really good flavor this week.”

“I know, way better than last week.”

“I’ve been having fun trying new flavors with you. Gives me something fun to look forward to. Is this twenty-two? Getting excited over ice cream flavors?”

“Pretty soon we’ll be excited over buying a new vacuum, or a dishrack.”

“Oh, I love a good dishrack.”

Harry bursts out laughing, and so do you. You ended up falling asleep with him in his bed, your head cradled to his chest. Harry was always the perfect cure to cramps.

//

“Oh…hello.” A girl says to you some random Wednesday morning. You were stood in your kitchen making some toast before class.

“Um, hi?”

“Oh, god, he has a girlfriend doesn’t he.” She whines.

“No! I’m Harry’s roommate. Did you spend the night, would you like some coffee?”

“Got scared for a second there. No, I’m all set thank you. Um, have a good one!” She says and leaves the flat.

“Is…is she gone?” Harry whispers from around the corner and you chuckle.

“Yes, Harry.”

“Thank god.” He sighs.

“Since when do you bring someone home with you on a Tuesday night?”

“I was working late at the coffee shop, and she was there doing homework, and one thing lead to another.” He pours himself a cup of coffee.

“And it was no good?”

“Terrible, I didn’t even ask for her number.”

“What made it so terrible?”

“She just…she wasn’t…doing it for me, I don’t know. There was no connection, Y/N.” He sighs.

“Maybe it’s time you start actually dating and work your way up to fucking someone.”

“That would involve me having to get to know someone, and I can’t stand people.” He pouts.

“Good thing you’re going to be a fucking teacher then.” You laugh. “Hurry up and get ready, or we’ll be late for class.”

Harry gets ready, and you both walk to campus for your K-12 instructors class. You were thankful to have class with Harry, you weren’t sure what you’d do without him. Just having someone to make eye contact with when someone said something stupid, or if the professor did something cringey.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Hey, Daniel.” You smile up at him. “What’s up?”

“Well, I…I was wondering if you had plans this weekend? On Saturday?”

You look at Harry and he shakes his head no.

“Not that I can think of, no.”

“Great, uh, would you like to go to the movies? We could grab dinner as well.”

“I…I’d like that a lot, um, here.” You take your phone out to hand it to him. He puts his number and texts himself.

“Cool, I’ll text you later.” He moves to go sit down a few rows behind you. You look at Harry with a grin on your face.

“See, dating, it’s sorta fun.” You say to him.

“Wining and dining someone sure is a lot of effort. Don’t think I quite have it in me, but you have yourself a good time, pet.”

//

You have a wonderful time with Daniel on Saturday night. He took you to Panera, and then to see a comedy. He let you pick the movie, and you were delighted. You shared a lot of laughs, and made out with him in his car before he took you home.

“I ha d a lot of fun.” You tell him.

“Me too.” He says. “Maybe we could do this again sometime?”

“I’d like that.” You smile and get out of his car. When you get up to your flat, you can’t wait to dish with Harry about how your night went.

“Hola chica.” He says to you from the kitchen.

“Late night tacvos, my favorite. Save me any?”

“Course, grab what you like. How was your date?”

“Really good. Daniel’s super sweet.”

“Not sweet enough to bring home?”

“I’m taking my own advice and giving dating a try. He asked me if I wanted to go out again sometime and I said yes. We did kiss for a bit, it was nice.” You shove a taco into your mouth. “Mm, you make the best tacos, Har.”

“Don’t I know it? So…so you kissed, but nothing else?” He mutters as he finishes his food.

“Nope.”

“Did you want to?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug.

“Then you shouldn’t go out with him again.”

“What are you talking about?”

“If you didn’t wanna rip his clothes off, it’s probably not gonna last.”

“Lust doesn’t make a relationship.”

“No, but it should be passionate. Even if you’re respectful and wait, you should still wanna fuck the person.”

“Sometimes you have to work up to feeling that way.”

“Nah, when you know, you know.” He winks at you and goes over to the couch. “I was about to watch-“

“Oh my god!” You screech.

“What?!”

“Did you not check the mail earlier?! Kevin and Ashley are getting married! This is their save the date. Holy fucking shit.”

“Makes sense, they’ve been together forever.”

“Well, we have to go, Harry.”

“Okay.” He hears you suck your teeth. “What?”

“No plus ones…”

“So? We’d just go together anyways. We can save money on a hotel room too.”

“That’s true. I just…wow, I couldn’t imagine getting married right now.”

“Like I said, when you know, you know.” He plops down onto the couch and turns the TV on. You sit down next to him. You look at him for a moment, and then turn your attention to the TV. Nothing else really needed to be said.

//

You hated it when Harry was right. Daniel was nice, but there was no spark. You went on four dates with him, and you didn’t want to fuck him.

“Hey, I was looking on the hotel website for the wedding, the room with the king sized bed is actually cheaper than the one with the two queens. That work for you?” He asks you as he comes into your room holding his laptop.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Just tell me how much I need to Venmo you.”

“Will do, it’s not terribly expensive. I’ll only need a hundred bucks from you.”

“Perfect.” You take your phone and send him the money. “Thanks for booking it.”

“No problemo.” He comes in and sits on your bed. “What are you up to, babydoll?”

“Just putting some mock lesson plans together.” You sigh. “Could definitely use a break, though.” He lays down on your bed and pats the spot next to him. You roll your eyes at him, and he pouts. “Ugh, fine.” You get onto your bed with him. “Happy now?”

“Very…although….”

“What?”

“Well, you get to lay your head on my chest all the time. I’d like to do the same. Or…okay, there’s this trend on Tik Tok…could I lay down between your legs?”

“Um…like…with your head in my crotch?” You laugh. “I can put a pillow there and you can lay down if you like.”

“Okay.” You grab a pillow for him, and he gets on his back, resting his head, and looking up at you. You run your fingers through his curls and his eyes flutter closed. “I love it when you play with my hair.” He sighs.

“I knew you were coming in here with a motive. Booking the hotel room to get something out of it, huh?”

“Your nails just feel so good, and you know it.”

“Well, you better return the favor. I like getting my hair played with too.”

“I’ll touch you wherever you want me to, alright?” He yawns. “Just don’t stop for a bit.”

You brush off his crude comment, and does as he says. You liked playing with Harry’s hair, so it wasn’t a burden, and you liked when you two would just get cozy together like this. There weren’t many people you felt this comfortable with.

//

“Y/N, we need to get going down to the ceremony.” Harry calls from the bedroom of the hotel.

“Well, I wouldn’t be running behind if someone hadn’t taken twice as long as they said they would in the bathroom!”

“Can’t rush perfection, darling.” He smirks to himself.

“Mhm, so what does that make me?” You ask as you walk out of the bathroom. His mouth nearly falls open.

You had gotten your hair into a loose, low bun, with plenty of hair in the front to frame your face. You had a strapless purple dress on with black tights and black heels.

“Um…stunning, you look stunning.”

“Thanks.” You smile and grab your clutch. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” You wink at him and head out.

You both were blubbering messes during the ceremony. Rachel made sure to make fun you both for it. Once the cocktail hour hit, you were good to go. You found your table and sat down. You talked with some other friends and explained how grad school was going. You make it through the speeches and dinner, and then it’s time to dance.

Being at something like this reminded you of being at an old uni party, only more upscale. Ashley and Kevin’s families were around, so the music wasn’t exactly what you’d normally get down to, but there was an open bar that you were able to take advantage of. Partying with Harry was one of your favorite things. He always used to bring you to the best ones. A slow song starts to play, and you giggle as he bows and extends his hand to you.

“You’re an idiot.” You say as you take his hand and he pulls you close to him.

“Ah, but you’re still choosing to dance with me, babe.”

“Only cause I’m too lazy to find someone else.”

“Ha! That’ll be us someday reading vows at our won wedding. I was too lazy to find someone else, so I settled for my best friend.” He smirks at you and swat his shoulder.

“Would you be quiet? Enough of the people here think something’s going on between us as it is.”

“True.” He looks around at a few people’s wandering eyes. “Should we give them a bit of a show?” He slides his hands further down your back, getting dangerously close to your bum.

“Harry!” You squeal and giggle. “Stop it.” You grab his hands put them to their previous spot. “Just dance with me, would you?”

He chuckles and sways around with you. You both got pretty plastered. You couldn’t stop giggling with him all the way up to your room. You sigh once you get your heels off.

“Okay, I’m using the bathroom first.” You say to him.

“Fine.” He sighs and starts unbuttoning his dress shirt.

You head into the bathroom, and use the toilet. You get your tights all the way off and groan when you can’t reach the zipper on the back of your dress.

“Ugh, Harry!” You call for him. “I need your help!”

“Yeah?” He says, stepping into the bathroom in only his boxers. Nothing you hadn’t seen before.

“My zipper.”

“Oh.” He places a hand on your shoulder, and the other grips the zipper, slowly dragging it down. You clutch the front of it. “You’re not…uh…no bra?”

“No, there’s one built into the dress.” You turn around to face him. “I just need to grab my pj’s and then I’ll need a couple minutes to take my hair out.” You brush by him to go into your suitcase. He takes the opportunity to use the toilet and brush his teeth.

“Need help with anything else?” He asks as you step back into the bathroom.

“Nope, think I can handle the rest, thanks.” You giggle. “Wouldn’t mind some head scratches once I get into bed though.”

Harry gets into bed and waits for you. You come out with your hair a mess, your makeup smeared from rinsing it, and he furrows his brows at you.

“That’s my shirt.” He says as you knee onto the bed.

“Mhm, well, that’s what happens when you ask me to do your laundry for you. I steal your shirts as compensation.”

“Fair enough I suppose. Come here.”

You smile and lay on his chest so he can run his fingers through your hair. You moan softly from it as you relax into him.

“Feels so nice.” You mumble into his chest.

“I can tell.” One of his hands moves to rub your back. He mimics your moaning and you punch him in the arm. “Oi! I won’t love on you if you do that.”

“M’not asking you to love on me, I just wanted me head scratched. Be grateful you get to hear me make those noises, not everyone does.”

“Bet you’d make thousands if you posted something like that on your Only Fans.” He mutters and you move to look at him. “What?”

“Do you…ever look at my page?”

“Sometimes.”

“Why?”

“Sometimes I check your comments to see if anyone’s being rude.”

“Oh…” You swallow. “I make enough doing what I’m doing. I…I’d be too shy to do the really explicate stuff. I also just feel, like, I don’t want just anyone to see me naked, you know? That’s why I don’t go live, everyone would just ask me to take my clothes off.”

“I get that. Wanna keep it private for someone special.”

“Exactly. I mean, I’ve talked about this with you before, but there are plenty of people that are into what I post.”

“You certainly leave them wanting more.”

“You’ve…watched?”

“I’ve checked out some of the free videos you’ve posted, yeah.” He admits shamelessly. “You’re a very good dancer.” He smiles at you.

“I’m going to sleep.” You yawn and turn over. “Goodnight.” You look over your shoulder at him. “If you behave you can spoon me if you want.”

“What do you think I’m gonna do? Slide my prick between your ass cheeks? Grow up.” He says as he wraps his arm around you. You can’t help but laugh. “However, if I get hard while I’m sleeping you can’t get mad.”

“Suppose it’s not my fault I have such a fat, juicy ass, hm?”

“Go to sleep.” He laughs, and presses his chest to your back.

“Mm, you’re so cozy, Harry.”

“I know I am. Go to sleep, lovie.” He coos, and rubs at your side.

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” He sighs and nestles into the back of your head.

//

“So…you let him spoon you all night, and nothing happened?” Rachel whispers to you at breakfast the next morning.

“Happens more often than not, it’s not a big deal.”

“You two are so fucking weird! I’ve literally never met two people who were close that do what you do. Why not just make the jump? Neither one of you can manage to make another relationship work.”

“I don’t know…I…I just don’t see him like that, and I know Harry. If he really liked me like that he’d go for it.”

“Maybe he’s just scared to fuck it up with you.”

“Exactly, so, let’s just not fuck it up and try anything.”

“What are you two hens clucking about, hm?” Harry says as he sits down, putting a cinnamon roll in front of you. “Had you favorite.”

“I’m trying to watch the carbs…” You mutter.

“Please.” He scoffs. “Would you just eat the fucking pastry? It’s good for you.”

“How is that thing good for me?” You laugh.

“It makes you happy when you eat it. You always hum and smile when you eat a cinnamon roll.”

“How sweet of you to notice.” Rachel remarks. “You’re practically her boyfriend.”

“Rachel.” You seethe, and take a bite of the pastry. You hum softly. “Why do these bloody things taste so good, huh?”

Harry chuckles and rubs the back of your neck briefly as he eats his own breakfast. He and Rachel share a glance, but that’s the extent of that interaction.

//

“Hey, Harry?” You tap on the outside of his door frame.

“Yeah, babe?” He says, taking his headphones out. It was a Friday evening and you both were doing homework. His eyes widen when he looks at you. “Your face is all flushed, are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, I just…could you come look at something for me?”

“Sure.” He follows you to your room and sits with you on your bed.

“Um...could I…could I show you some new photos I took yesterday? I just finished editing them…and I’m feeling a little self-conscious.”

“Aw, why? You’re so beautiful.” He keeps your cheek and rubs his thumb along your cheekbone. “Course I’ll look ‘em over for you.”

“Thanks.” You swallow and put your laptop on his lap. “So…like usual, they’re not overly explicit, but I feel like my boobs look weird. I should have gotten something with more support.” You blush and point to the photo.

“They’re perfect, you look perfect, Y/N.” You suck your teeth at him. “You do! What else do you want me to say?”

“Okay, what about this one?”

“Perfect.”

“This one?”

“Perfect.”

“But what about this one?”

“Perfect, they’re all perfect. I don’t know why you don’t think so.” He frowns and sets your laptop down on your desk. He turns to look at you. “What’s really going on?”

“It’s just…I have all these people leaving comments saying they wish they could know me, date, fuck me…and…like I don’t know any of them! All they know about me is that I can dance, and I look cute sucking on a lollypop. I…if I wasn’t making the money I that I am I’d stop doing it because I just want someone real to say all of those things to me, you know?”

“Y/N…” Harry sighs. “I know you, I wanna date you, and I certainly want to fuck you.”

“Wh-what?”

“I know, it’s so cliché it’s disgusting, isn’t it?” He smirks. “But it’s how I feel. I’m sick of tip toeing around it.”

“How long have you felt this way?”

“Can’t really pinpoint it, I don’t think it’s been long, but it doesn’t feel new either.”

Your eyes well up with tears, and he puts his hand back on your cheek. You lean into it. You felt deeply confused.

“I just never thought we’d…like…I just didn’t think you were into my like that.”

“Well, I am, so…what do you think? We already get along great. We like spending time together. I truthfully can’t stand other people. I think you’re the only person’s day I actually like hearing about. Have you really never thought about it?”

“I don’t know! You never made a move when we were in undergrad, with all those nights we slept next to each other, you never did anything…”

“Yeah, because you were asleep, Y/N.” He deadpans. “What did you want me to do? Feel you up while you were unconscious? Or better yet, make a move while we were both intoxicated?”

“No, of course not.” You shake your head. “I…I don’t know what I wanted. I just felt lucky that I had such a good friend.”

“Yeah, me too.” He sighs. “Look, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, this doesn’t need to be weird. Just know if you wanted to give it a try, I’d be down.”

“You’re genuinely attracted to me, like, physically?”

“Yes.” He chuckles. “And I like what you got going on up here too.” He taps your forehead with his index finger. “But you knew that already. What about me, are you physically attracted to me?”

“Well…yeah, you know you’re hot.”

“I didn’t ask you what I know.” He smirks.

“Okay, yeah, I’ve always thought you were handsome, but you used to really be a douchebag, it turned me off. Made it easier to just be your friend.” You smirk at him and he rolls his eyes.

“M’not like that anymore.” He inches closer to you. You could feel his minty breath fanning over you.

“I know.” You say just above a whisper. The mood had changed immensely. The dim lighting in your room was creating an atmosphere you had never really felt with him before.

“So…I guess the only thing left to figure out is if there’s any real heat between us.” You nod at him as his hand goes back to cradle your cheek once more. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?”

“Yes.”

You move towards each other slowly, your lips gracefully pressing against each other’s. You felt scared as your eyes pinched closed. It was scary to kiss your best friend, and what was scarier was that fact that it felt so natural and seamless. He pulls away, just to see if you’ll chase him, and you do, kissing him again. You do the same to him, and he comes chasing after your soft lips.

“Harry.” You whisper as you press your forehead to his.

“Yeah?” He whispers back.

“I…I wanna have sex with you.”

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

He cups both of your cheeks and pulls your lips back to his. His tongue peeks out to swipe along your bottom lip. He runs his lips back and forth over yours, and you open up for him. Your tongues meet, and you lick against each other, eliciting a moan from the both of you. You tug at the hem of his shirt, and he lets you lift it off. Your run your hands up and down his stomach as you continue to explore each other’s mouths, lips getting puffy and swollen. He sucks your bottom lip into his mouth while he unzips the sweatshirt you’re wearing. He pushes it off your shoulders, and you shimmy it the rest of the way off. He’s met with your bare breasts, and he licks his lips as he looks at them.

Harry pulls you closer to him, and his lips press against your neck. You cling to his biceps as he works his mouth down your chest. He looks up at you as he sucks on one of your nipples, rolling it between your teeth. You can’t help your head from falling back. He slides down to the floor as he continues to kiss on you. Your mouth falls open as he nips and sucks on your stomach, and his fingers hook into your leggings. He looks up at you and you nod. He tugs your leggings and underwear down your legs and gets them all the way off.

“Y/N, you’re sure?”

“Yes, I want you to, please.”

You open your legs for him, and he just about loses it from your confidence. He leans forward and kisses each of your hips. You think he’s about to go for your center, but he sucks on your inner thigh. You flinch from the sensitivity, but it feels good. You make sure to sit up on your elbows so you can watch him. He looks up at you and licks a flat stripe between your folds. He sucks on each of your lips before spreading you apart with his thumbs to focus on your clit. He sucks on it at first, harshly, and you gasp. He uses the tip of his tongue to flick back and forth against it. He runs his hands along your thighs to keep you open for him. You were clenching around nothing. His tongue was warm and wet, and everything you needed.

Your body starts to feel warm all over, you can feel your orgasm start to bubble up from within your lower belly. You let yourself fall back against the bed as you start to pant. Your voice cracks as louder moans begin to rip through your throat. He was sucking and slurping on your cunt, noises you had never heard before while someone was going down on you. And to really push you over the edge, he was moaning into you. Not little whimpers or grunts, genuine moans that were vibrating into you.

“Oh my god!” You cry out. A few tears roll down your cheeks as he continues to lap around you, helping you come down.

He kisses back up your body until he’s hovering over you. He smears his lips over yours, and you grunt, pulling him closer to you. It was the filthiest kiss of your life, completely tasting yourself on him, but you didn’t care. He just made you feel better than anyone ever did. You push him so he’ll on his back, and this time you’re the one to sink onto the floor. You get his jeans and boxers down his legs. Your eyes bug out when you see his large prick slap back against his stomach.

“Christ, Harry.”

“As if you didn’t already know.” He smirks.

“I mean, I had an idea.”

You spit into your hand and wrap it around his length. He grits his teeth as you start to slowly pump him up and down. You run his tip along your lips, and his mouth falls open. Your tongue presses over his slit and you wrap your lips around him. You suckle his tip, eliciting a moan from him. You hollow your cheeks and sink almost all the way down on him. You just wanted to feel him down your throat. You breathe your nose and just hold him there.

“Y/N.” He stutters.

You slowly pull off of him, a string of spit keeping you connected. You suck in a breath before sinking back down on him, not quite as much as you took before, and you bob up and down his length. You cup his balls and massage them as you make a mess of his prick. There was spit, drool, and precome dripping down your chin. Harry was a panting mess on the bed. His hands were gripping at the sheets, and the sight of him doing that causes you to moan. To see his veins popping out the way they were was enough to make you come again.

“Y/N, fuck, I’m gonna come.”

You moan around him as his come spurts into your mouth. You swallow it all and suck him dry. He pulls you up to him, dumbfounded that you just did what you did.

“I thought you wanted me to fuck you.” He breathes.

“I do, I’ve heard you have pretty good stamina.” You peck his lips. “I’m sure you’ll get hard again soon.”

He groans and shifts his thighs between your legs, making you gasp. He grips your hips and starts moving you back and forth along his tiger tattoo. Your nails dig into his chest as you work to grind against him.

“H-Harry.” You mewl.

“Yeah, ride my fucking leg, baby, show me how you do it.”

“God.”

“I want you so bad, I wanna fuck you so bad, Y/N.”

“Oh, oh!” You come undone on his thigh. You lean down and press your lips to his, licking into his mouth. Before you know it he’s moving you up his body, turning you around, and licking back into your cunt. “Shit!”

He’s relentless with you, fucking you with his tongue, telling you to bounce up and down on him, and you listen. He sucks on your clit again, and you fall forward, head resting on his thigh. You watch as his cock bloats back up. You’d never know someone to enjoy doing this so much. You kiss on his thigh because you just needed to do something with your mouth. He makes you come again, and he lifts you off of his face.

“Think you can keep going?” He smirks as your head falls back against your pillows.

He grabs your legs and pushes them back so your knees press against the bed. He lifts your bum enough to rest on his thighs, and he dips his tongue back into your cunt. This was some serious teasing. You watch as his tongue goes in and out of you, deeper each time. He reaches forward with one of his hands to rub your clit. It was throbbing for him.

“Harry, please.”

“What, no good?”

“No, it’s amazing, but…I really wanna feel your dick now, please, I know you’re hard again.”

“You just taste so good.” He brings his mouth down to your cunt and sucks on it.

“This won’t be the only time I’ll let your head between my legs, I promise.” You let your legs drop back to lay normally. He sits back as you look at each other. “When was the last time you were tested? I…I’m clean, and if you are too, I’d prefer not to use a condom if you feel comfortable with that.”

“STD test came back negative a month ago when I went in for a checkup. You’re on the pill?”

“Yeah.”

He leans down to kiss you, and then he pulls back to paint his cock with your wetness that was uncontrollably leaking out of you for him. He presses his tip against your clit, and slides it down your slit. He pushes inside you slowly. He fills you to the hilt, and waits. For a moment he just wants to enjoy how tight and snug you are around him. You push your hips up and start rocking against him.

“Jesus, Y/N, you’re so fucking perfect.”

“Because I’m moving myself on you?” You giggle.

“I just think it’s cute that you’re so goddamn impatient.”

“Would you just shut up and show what you can do with this thing? Or am I gonna have to do all of this myself?”

He accepts the challenge, pulling his hips back, and snapping them forward. You reach behind yourself to press against the headboard so your head doesn’t smack against it. He drives it into you fast and deep. He pushes you to the brink of coming, but he pulls all the way out of you. Before you can complain he flips you over, and grabs your hips. He pulls you back to him and slips back inside. You moan out from the new angle, and the sound of his skin slapping against yours makes your eyes roll back. He gives your bum a light smack and you grunt.

“You can do that a little harder, a little.” You didn’t want him to fully spank you, you weren’t into that sort of thing, but you didn’t mind feeling it a little more. He delivers a harsher smack and you groan again.

“You have the best ass I’ve ever seen.” He smacks you again and you grip onto the pillows. He grips the back of your neck to get a steadier pace going, and he uses his other hand to rub your clit.

“Fuck, Harry. You’re so attentive.” You manage to say. You felt like you could barely breathe.

“I’m gonna ruin you for any other guy.”

“Don’t want any other guy.” You admit. “I don’t want anyone else to fuck me.”

“Christ.” He moans.

His fingers move faster on your clit, and his tip pounds against your g-spot, and you’re coming. You’re coming hard around him. He pulls out and sits up against the headboard. You look up at him, completely frazzled.

“I want you ride me.”

“Okay.” You breathe. You shuffle around and swing your leg over him. You line him up with yourself and sink down on him.

He fondles your breasts as you move up and down on him. He kisses on your chest as you get a rhythm going. He leans back just to watch your tits bounce up and down. He looks up at you and grips you by the back of your neck to pull your mouth down to his. You breathe each other in and out as you moan and gasp. He takes control by gripping your hips, and you cling to him to let him just do what he wanted with you. You tighten around him and his head falls back for a moment.

“Where can I come?” He asks.

“Where do you want to come?”

“Inside you.”

“Okay.”

“You’re okay with that?”

“Yes.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me.” He grunts.

You cry out as he does when he comes. You don’t think you had ever felt so full in your life. He kisses you as you both catch your breaths. You tug at his hair, and grind against him. You were close to coming again. He takes the hint and snakes his hand between you both and rubs your clit. Your orgasm rips through you, and you moan into his neck.

“I’m so fucking sweaty.” You whisper.

“Do you wanna take a shower?”

“Yeah.” You look up at him. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Do I still have legs? Because I can’t feel them.”

He puffs out some air as he laughs, smoothing some hair away from your face.

“Yes, you still have legs, Y/N. Should I carry you to the bathroom?”

“Please, I really need to pee.”

He kisses your forehead and slowly lifts you off of him. You clench so nothing falls out. You didn’t want to make a bigger mess of your bed.

“We can sleep in my room and wash your sheets tomorrow, don’t worry about that.” He says as he carries you bridal style to the bathroom.

He sets you down on the toilet and steps out to give you some privacy. Once he hears the water for the shower start he comes back in. He splays a hand on your back and gives you a gentle rub before you both step in. You felt overwhelmed. You just had the best sex of your life with your very best friend. As he reaches for his body wash you swat his hand. He raises an eyebrow at you.

“Would you…would you just hold me?” Your bottom lip quivers, and he pulls you into his chest.

You nestle into him, and just stand under the warm water with him. He cradles your head and lets you cry into him. He starts to cry too, although he’s not really sure why.

“I don’t want anything to get fucked up between us, Harry.” You look up at him, tears streaming down your cheeks. “I love you so much, and I don’t want something bad to happen that’ll make us hate each other.”

“M’not gonna let that happen.” He wipes your tears away, and then wipes away his own. “We’re gonna do this right. We’ll go out on dates, and we’ll see where it goes, and I hope it goes well because I love you too, and I value so many of the things we have with each other.”

You each take turns scrubbing each other down, getting clean. It’s soothing, and calming. You both relax, and get wrapped up into some towels. You run the blow dryer through your hair quickly just so it’s not sopping wet. He gives you one of his bed shirts to wear, and you crawl into bed with him. Being immersed in his scent was exactly what you needed. You rest your head on his chest, and he throws his arm around you.

“When was the last time you actually dated someone?” You ask softly.

“Um…think I was sixteen to be honest with you.”

“Ah, so a while.” You chuckle.

“You literally know my entire sexual history, and I know yours, let’s not pretend we’re both experts with all this.”

“So…we’ll just make this up as we go? I mean, I like that we sleep together sometimes, but I wanna keep my room, I don’t wanna move into the same room.”

“Christ, slow down, we just got together and you’re already talking about moving into the same bedroom?” You swat at his chest and he laughs, kissing the top of your head. “In all seriousness, I feel the same way, I think we should still have our separate spaces. You get pissed off with me easily.”

“Maybe you should try not to piss me off then.”

“Well, now that I know you enjoy a good tonguing, I’m not really worried about it. God, we can make up from a fight with sex instead of watching Dirty Dancing, it’s gonna be incredible.”

“Can…can we not do both?” You look up at him. “I love singing Hungry Eyes with you.”

“Yeah, both is good.”

“And I wanna make sure we clarify what are dates, and what’s just hanging out. I want dates to feel…special, I don’t know.”

“Can do. I think study dates at the library are gonna be my favorite.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I can rile you up. I’ll sit across from you to play footsie, and then I’ll run my foot up your leg. I’ll make eyes at you. You’ll end up blowing me in the bathroom, it’ll be great.”

“Mm, yes, well, what if my leg’s the one doing the rubbing? I could probably make you come in your pants from my foot on your crotch alone.”

“Okay, no study dates. You know what I would really like, though?”

“What?”

“Sometimes…sometimes I really miss you when I work double shifts at work, and then I feel bad because you’re here all by yourself…so maybe you could come to the coffee shop more? Hang out, do homework, I’ll give you free food.”

“Sounds like a sweet deal to me.” You bite your bottom lip. “You’re not gonna ask me to give up my Only Fans are you?”

“What? No, why would you even think that?”

“I don’t know…you’re the jealous type, Harry.”

“True…but if that’s what you wanna do for work, I don’t have a problem with it. Can I tell you a dirty secret?”

“Always.”

“I’m subscribed to your page.”

“You are?!”

“Yeah…I’ve never wanked to your stuff because I feel like that would be creepy, but I do keep up with what you post.”

“I’m not gonna do it forever, once I get a real job I won’t need it…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, babe. Even if you were doing the really filthy stuff, I wouldn’t care. That’s your business.”

“God, if I wasn’t so tired I’d hop on your dick again.”

He chuckles at that and gives your shoulder a squeeze.

“Any other questions?”

“I don’t think so. Although, I’m not looking forward to telling Rachel. The it’s about time or I told you so is not gonna be fun.”

“Same with Niall and Louis. We just gotta rip the band aid.”

You hum your response and get a little cozier by putting one of your legs over his. It was easy enough to fall asleep. You talked, so you weren’t worried about your friendship ending. If anything, it was all going to get better. Being able to kiss and touch on top of how you were with each other already was just the cherry on top. It didn’t happen over drinks, it didn’t happen in a club, and it didn’t happen by mistake. This was on purpose. He was the person you were supposed to be with, and he felt the same way.

[dp-marvel94]

Below the Greenhouse

For Phic Phight 2021. Prompt by @ave-aria: Maddie discovers the depths of Vlad's obsessions when she stumbles upon his secret lab. Despite the shock, part of her almost isn't surprised by the stolen Fenton Tech, the ripoff ghost portal, or the eerie Holo-Maddie—but the clone she finds floating in the pod at the back of the room? That's another matter entirely.

Word Count: 7,951

Also on AO3 and Fanfiction.net

Note:

Me: *sees a prompt with the word clone*

Me: Oh no.

We all know why this happened.

 Maddie knew Vlad Masters was a creep. She did. And she’d known this for a while, even when she, Jack, and Vlad were in college. Before his accident, she had known he'd been preparing to profess his “love” and ask her out, even though he’d known full-well she and Jack were dating. And while, that might have been forgivable back then, when all of them were young and naive and Vlad didn’t hold such bitterness towards her husband, it wasn't now.

Now, Maddie knew Vlad was hopelessly bitter. After his accident, he’d refused to talk to them. He’d shut them out of his room when they visited the hospital and after he’d been released, he’d refused their phone calls and ignored their letters. Eventually, she and Jack gave up and they moved on with their lives.

That was, until Vlad chose to reconnect. And unfortunately, Vlad was worse than ever. More smug. More arrogant. More creepy. He ignored the fact that Maddie was happily married with children and he still insisted that she should leave the love of her life for him. 

Maddie really only tolerated him for Jack’s sake. Her husband still enthusiastically loved the man who’d been his best friend in college and she couldn’t bear to crush his spirit, though the woman was increasingly doubting her choice to stay silent now.

And now, Maddie realized that Vlad was much more despicable than she thought.

It started with a series of strange phone calls. The voice was robotic, yet strangely familiar sounding. It reminded her of her mother or maybe her sister? Either way, the sound somehow tugged at her heartstrings just as much as it made her shiver anxiously.

“Please save him.” The woman’s voice asked, an oddly flat plea.

“Tell me who you are.” Maddie demanded, not for the first time.

The speaker ignored the question, continuing. “I cannot get Number 6 out myself. Please save him.”

“You keep saying that, every time you call this number.” The woman sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. This was the fifth time she had gotten a call like this. All from an almost emotionless, staticky voice. All begging her to save someone or something called Number 6. Something she couldn’t seem to get anymore information about. “But who is number six?” Maddie asked, trying, probably futilely to learn more.

The answer surprised her. “Number 6 is just a boy. He should be free. He does not belong in a laboratory.”

Maddie frowned, brows furrowed in confusion “A laboratory?”

“That is correct.” The robotic voice answered.

“I’m sorry, are you talking about an actual child? What is a child doing in a laboratory?” The woman wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“Number 6 is physically younger than the age of majority and therefore meets the definition of a child.”

“Okay?” Maddie furrowed her brow and repeated herself more severely. “Why are you keeping a child in your laboratory?”

There was a pause. “I am not permitted to share that information.”

That made the woman’s stomach flop. “And why not?”

“My dearest has forbidden me from discussing the details of his experiments with outsiders.”

Maddie frowned again. “Then why are you talking to me?”

“You are a loophole.” The speaker said without hesitation.

That gave the ghost hunter pause. She opened her mouth to ask more when there was a mechanical whirl across the line.

The fast, choppy words cut through. “Dearest will be leaving on a trip tonight and be away for the next three days.” 

“Wait, what are you-” Maddie started.

“The address is 600 North Maple Drive. Enter through the trapdoor in the greenhouse. I will be waiting.”

Across the line, a male voice called from far away. “Pull up the data from the last test, dear. And prepare the subject for sample collection.”

Maddie shivered; there was something familiar-

“Please hurry. Save him.” The robotic female voice whispered before the line cut off.

Maddie sighed, dropping the phone. She put her head in her hands. She didn’t know what to make of that. At first, she had thought these mysterious calls were pranks. Maybe even a ghost trying to trick her. Except…. That didn’t feel right. It had been a week and no ghost had acted against her or her family. No ghost would wait this long to act and no human prankster would continue this charade for this long either.

So who had been calling her and what do they really want? Could the speaker really be asking for her help? The idea made dread pool in her stomach, especially now. Now that she had more information. Now she had a location. And that was Vlad’s address. And that other voice...it had sounded like… Vlad, as if the speaker was in fact in Vlad’s mansion. Her stomach flopped. He’d been talking about data from a test and preparing a subject for sample collection. That in and of itself wasn’t necessarily that alarming. Vlad had a background in science. He could be conducting research, just like she and Jack did out of their own basement. Except…

Number 6 is just a boy. He should be free. He does not belong in a laboratory. The words rang in her head, making her feel sick.

Maddie sat for a long while, staring at the phone. So many questions clashed in her mind and she wanted answers. What was really happening here? And how would she learn the truth?

An idea started forming in her mind. A surely bad, horrible idea. She still had no idea who had been calling her. It probably was a trap. So why did she want to follow the instructions? And the prospect of sneaking onto Vlad Master’s property? She could get in serious trouble. And for what? Vlad would never do anything as immoral as what the speaker hinted at. Except...what if? Doubt grew in her mind. What if?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was how Maddie found herself pulling up to Vlad’s mansion in Amity Park. The woman sighed, putting the car into park and taking the key out of the ignition. She was really doing this, wasn’t she? The scientist could hardly believe her own actions. But it was the middle of the night and she was alone, in the small forest behind the mansion. 

Silently, Maddie got out of the car and started sneaking across the yard. She hadn’t told Jack where she was going. Maybe that was a mistake but the woman somehow knew he’d try to talk her out of this. And he would have a point. Yet the woman was still driven forward despite her better judgement. 

Arriving in front of the greenhouse, the ghost hunter stopped. She looked side to side, checking to see if anyone was watching. The yard was quiet and bare, only the sound of night insects cutting through the air. Maddie looked back into the building. To the left of the door was a blinking red light but other than that, inside was dark. Tentatively, Maddie jiggled the greenhouse’s door handle. It didn’t budge at first but then there was a buzz and a click. The door unlocked and the woman frowned, watching the blinking light turn from red to white. Was that a security system? And...had the door just unlocked for her?

Maddie bit her lip. She considered turning back but...she wanted answers. Instead, she pulled her ectostaff out of her belt. A blow to the head from it would be just as effective on a human attacker as it would be on a ghost.

The woman opened the door, quickly stepping though. She closed it and cautiously crossed the room. From what she could tell in the dark, this was a normal greenhouse. She breathed deeply, taking in the wet earthy smell of dirt, the soft perfume of flowers, and… She sniffed. That scent, old batteries, ozone, and citrus. That was familiar. Was that ectoplasm? 

Maddie turned, eyes searching for the tell-tell glow of a ghost. Her gaze fixed on something a few rows over. The huntress continued forward, brow wrinkling at the sight. Unsurprisingly, these were plants but….a faint glow enveloped the snow white leaves, the orange and black fruits. Tentatively, she reached forward and cupped one of the fruits. Even through her gloves, she could feel the ghostly chill. 

Maddie’s frown deepened. She’d never seen anything like this before. Was this some kind of ghostly plant? And in Vlad’s greenhouse of all places? Where did it come from? How did the billionaire procure it? And why hadn’t he said anything to her and Jack?

With that thought, the ghost hunters’ stomach flopped with nerves. There was actually something here, something out of the ordinary. Her mind turned back to those phone calls, the reason she was here in the first place. The speaker had said something about a trapdoor.

With that, Maddie pulled a flashlight out of her belt and flicked it on. She looked down, searching, and her eyes widened. Oh….well then. There, not three feet in front of her, was the door. The woman approached. Crouching down, she put down her staff and grasped the flashlight between her teeth. With both hands, she pulled the door up, revealing a short ladder leading to a narrow passageway.

The ghost hunter furrowed her brow, hesitating for a moment. She braced herself, forcing her shoulders to relax to dislodge some of the anxiety. Maddie stood up straight. She grabbed her staff and started lowering herself down the ladder. Once she was at the bottom, the woman turned and pointed the flashlight down the passageway. There, maybe ten feet in front of her was a metal blast door.

Dread rose in Maddie at the sight but she tried to push it down. This was probably an old cellar, or maybe even a bomb shelter. Rich people tended to have those, didn’t they? It could be…..

The woman stepped forward. Tentatively, she placed a hand on the opening mechanism. It looked like a wheel that she’d need both hands to open. She moved to return her staff to her belt but before she could, a mechanical whirl sounded. The wheel started turning. Paling Maddie rapidly stepped back. Her heart pounded in fear of being caught.

Then the door swung open with a groan. The ghost hunter registered bright light pouring through the opening. She blinked for a moment, her eyes adjusting to the change. Then she registered the translucent figure floating across the doorway. 

Maddie scowled, acting on instinct. “Take that ghost.” She swung her staff but the blow never connected, instead sailing through the blue clad figure without resistance.

“I am not a ghost.” A familiar, robotic voice responded.

It was then that Maddie finally registered what she was seeing. She gasped in shock. It was herself, except floating, translucent, and...glitching around the edges? “What are you?” She breathed.

“I am the MADDIE program, an artificial intelligence meant to emulate Dr. Madeline Fenton.”

The ghost hunter stared for a long moment in confusion. She hadn’t expected a response and now her mind couldn’t catch up, barely processing what she was seeing.

The hologram floated backward, motioning into the door. “Come inside.”

Maddie blinked, registering the words. Her eyes flitted from her strange double to the interior of the room. Concrete floor, metallic walls, sturdy work tables, and….a soft green light. It looked familiar, very much like the Fentonworks lab. The woman’s heart skipped a beat. She’d already come this far….

The huntress took a few steps forward and crossed the threshold, all the while keeping her eyes on the hologram. The other figure was unmoving and silent, not even blinking. After another long moment staring, Maddie warily looked around. As she’d glimpsed, there were shiny metal work tables and shelves. A station with a microscope, centrifuge, and table top incubator. She frowned, eyes falling on glowing vials of ectoplasm. 

This was a lab, obviously. A ghost research lab, based on the ectoplasm. But below Vlad’s greenhouse? Her eyes flickered to another table, this one holding familiar looking devices. Ectoguns, slim and silvery with a design Maddie knew intimately, despite the unfamiliar logo and red accents.

The woman walked forward, tentatively hefting the gun. “This looks like our model 35.” She stated seriously.

Maddie then turned, facing the source of the soft green light. Her jaw dropped at the sight of the swirling green. “That’s a portal. A ghost portal.” She muttered. 

The scientist took in the design of the frame, of the ecto-filtrater and the control panel. That was her and Jack’s design as well. Her mind swam, information bouncing around senselessly as she tried to make sense of all this. This was a lab. A ghost research lab. A hidden, secret research lab in Vlad Master’s backyard, below his greenhouse. Vlad’s secret lab. But...why?

She bit her lip, her eyes falling on the Fenton Works designed weapons and the portal. Their stolen designs. Maddie could barely believe it, yet she wasn’t as surprised as she should be. Vlad still having an interest in ghosts? The creepy billionaire stealing their blueprints? Why did that seem all too plausible?

“Dr. Fenton?” A staticy voice asked behind her.

Maddie turned, frown deepening as she took in the hologram again. Her mouth felt dry. “He….Vlad...made a hologram that looks and sounds like me.” She felt sickened at the thought, at the evidence in front of her. 

“Yes. I was modeled after Dr. Madeline Fenton.” The hologram replied.

The ghost hunter put a hand on her head, feeling a headache grow. It made sense, in a sick kind of way. Vlad had a fascination with her. He was not exactly subtle in his ‘affections.’ Of course he would create this creepy copy. “Why?” She groaned, in rising anger.

“I was created to serve as a digital assistance and security system.”

Maddie looked up, blinking in confusion. She hadn’t been expecting an answer. The woman then frowned, realizing something. A security system? Did that mean… “You unlocked the greenhouse door for me...and turned off the security system.”

“That is correct.” The hologram replied.

The ghost hunter wrinkled her brow. “Why?”

Somehow, almost imperceptibly, the figure’s expression softened. “You came to take Number 6 away from here.”

That gave Maddie pause, her eyes widening slightly as she took in the AI with new eyes. “You were the one calling me.” 

It finally hit her. The voice on the phone, the monotone one that reminded her of her mother and sister. It was this AI, this AI which sounded very much like Maddie herself. Of course she hadn’t recognized that. Most people don’t know what they really sound like outside of their own head and Maddie herself was no exception.

“Yes, I did.” The AI confirmed. “Please save him.”

“Him?” Maddie bit her lip, feeling that familiar dread again. “Number 6? Who is this person?”

The hologram floated toward the other side of the room, towards a tall cylindrical metal tube that Maddie hadn’t noticed yet. “Come.” She motioned the ghost hunter to approach.

The huntress did so, fixing a studious gaze on the tube.

“Viewing panel opening.” The AI announced as the whirl of gears sounded throughout the room.

In front of the cylinder, metal paneling slid apart. Slowly a gap opened, making the inside of the pod visible. Maddie first registered neon green ectoplasm swirling in some kind of solution. Then her jaw dropped. There, suspended in the chamber was a lithe figure. It looked male, the form of a young teenager. For a moment, the ghost hunter registered white hair and a black and white garment. Phantom? Had Vlad managed to capture Phantom? No...that….

Her brow furrowed, stepping closer. She examined the glowing body. The figure’s appearance was shifting. Its skin was a mosaic of ghostly blue and a pale, more human color in ever changing, shifting patches. The black and white garment also shifted, seeming to grow and spread over the body before retreating, leaving bare skin. On the head was a mop of black and white hair, the patches rapidly changing color and appearing to move across the skull.

Maddie frowned. There was a resemblance to Phantom. (How? How in the world?) But this wasn’t the same being. “This is a ghost.” Her brow wrinkled in confusion, despite her confidence of the fact.

“Yes.” The MADDIE program answered plainly. 

The scientist turned. “I am not letting a ghost out of here.”

The hologram frowned. “Number Six is a boy. He deserves to be free.”

Maddie pointed. “But….that is a ghost.”

“Yes.” The AI confirmed again. “But he is also a boy. Observe.” The translucent figure waved a hand over one of the computers. “Display subject’s vials.”

Instantly, readings appeared on the screen, a rhythmic beeping commencing. The ghost hunter studied the words and numbers. “Oxygen saturation, Blood Glucose, Blood pressure, Heart Rate.” Her brow furrowed. “These are vials for a human.”

“Yes. These are Number six’s vials.” 

Maddie scrunched her nose in disbelief. “But...this is a ghost.” 

But the sound of the heart monitor pounded in her head. She turned, facing the figure in the tube again. The readings could be fake. But why? And why did Vlad have a ghost captured in his lab? And why did it resemble Phantom? Or at least, it seemed to. Not that she’d ever been this close to Phantom before but the white hair, suit, and lithe figure were the same. She took in the shifting appearance. And what was that? An attempt at shapeshifting?

Maddie turned back to the screen, reading again. At the top, it read Clone Six, 100% stability. “Clone?” The woman questioned. “Clone of who? Of Phantom?”

“Yes.” The AI answered. In response, the ghost hunter turned sharply. The hologram continued. “Subject Six has completed the gestation period and is now viable and capable of living outside the artificial womb.”

Maddie blinked rapidly. There was a lot of information there. “Clone? Vlad cloned Phantom and...it’s ready?”

“Yes. He is stable.” The hologram turned. “Please save him. Take him away from dearest.”

“Look.” The scientist pinched the bridge of her nose. “I am not letting this ghost go.”

“He is a boy.” The AI insisted.

“You say that but-”

“And a ghost.” The hologram continued. “He is a living boy and a ghost.”

Maddie’s heart skipped a beat. “Living?”

She turned back to the chamber, something in her resonating at the word. The strands of black hair, the human colored skin, the patches that did not glow. She looked up into the face and something itched in the back of her mind. It looked familiar, not just because the ghost looked like Phantom.

Maddie took another step. She reached forward until she was touching the glass. The heart monitor steadily beeped as the figure in the chamber twitched.

The huntress shook her head, denying. “That’s just...not possible. Someone can’t be a ghost and a human.” What the AI was saying was nonsensical, completely impossible. So why did Maddie not feel certain?

“Initiate wake up sequence.” The AI declared.

Startled, Maddie’s head whipped to the side. “What are you-”

In the chamber, something thumped. The woman’s head turned to see flailing limbs. The figure’s eyes suddenly popped open, one blue and one green panickedly flickering around the room. The rate of the heart monitor increased. The being thrashed, chest spasming. A hand pounded against the glass. 

“What did you do?” Maddie demanded of the AI.

There was no answer, just fearful flailing within the tube. The ghostly figure’s gaze shifted down and fell on Maddie. The eyes widened, silently begging. More pounding of hands on the inside of the glass. The beeping increased, pounding into the woman’s head. The ghost boy blinked and the eyes were blue, icy blue. The gaze, the familiar gaze stabbed Maddie in the heart.

The woman panicked, her own heart race. Her eyes ripped away from the boy. What do I do? What do I do? Her mind raced. Her gaze fell on a large button marked, Emergency release. She acted without thinking, slamming her hand down on the button.

There was hiss and a beep from the chamber. In the blink of an eye, the glass wall of the chamber parted. Maddie yelped, jumping back as water and ectoplasm poured out. The liquid soaked her anyway. Then, the boy inside the tub was falling. He tipped forward and the woman reached out to catch him on instinct.

A surprisingly heavy body fell onto the ghost hunter. Her knees threatened to buckle under the sudden impact. Instead she wobbled and wrapped one arm around the lithe body. Shakily, Maddie lowered herself to her knees, taking the ghostly figure with her.

Numbly, hardly believing what she’d just done, the woman huddled on the floor. She tensed at the being reached towards her. A part of her brain screamed that it was unsafe to be so near to a ghost, yet she didn’t move as ungloved hands weakly grabbed onto her jumpsuit and the ghost pressed into her chest, as if it was hugging her. 

Maddie looked down at the being, marveling at the sight. Its appearance was still shifting. Black and white hair. Black jumpsuit and bare skin. Patches of ghostly blue and pale human skin. The woman could feel the ectoplasmic energy, the ghostly chill radiating off the being as well but..... Its glow...there was something off. The glow was dimming. It flickered like a light bulb before cutting off.

In front of her came a whine as the ghost buried its head into her shoulder. Soft cold breath caressed her check. Breathe? Maddie’s heart skipped a breath. She could feel the chest rising and falling with fast breaths, pressed against her as it was. And that beeping. Maddie glanced up at the display. The heart monitor was still keeping pace with a rapidly fluttering heart.

The scientists breath lodged in her throat. No this was...ghosts didn’t breath. They didn’t have heart beats. They didn’t…. She looked down at the shaking figure again and her world turned upside down. The black suit was receding, evaporating. It disappeared off the arms and chest, every part of the body she could see, leaving bare skin below. And that skin, it was changing. Pale peach-tinted skin was rapidly replacing the inhuman blue. A warm breath blew over her check, the ghostly chill quickly vanishing. The weight pressed into her increased, the fingers holding onto her becoming warm and solid. And on the head, black overtook white until she was staring down at the full black head of hair.

Maddie’s mind stopped unable to process. This was...she was...in front...of her...this was... She blinked rapidly, as if the sign would change but...the lack of glow, the human skin tone, the warmth, the breathing, the black hair. That..that damn heart monitor. This...this was...no...no way. The ghost hunter shakily, wrapped her arms around the now hyperventilating figure. She winced feeling the warm, solid skin under her gloves. This was impossible but….

This...this was a human. No ghost...no ghost could fake this. No shapeshifting would give a ghost human warmth and a heartbeat. And she could feel it, the rapidly fluttering heart pressed against her own. 

The ghost whined again. No. no. The boy. The boy who had just been a ghost but had changed. The boy who’d just been inside that pod. Who was shaking and hyperventilating in front of her. Another whine. A tear fell onto her shoulder.

Maddie’s mind finally caught up. Her arms shifted into a more proper hug, hands reaching up to run through the black hair. “Shhh. Shh. It’s okay.” The woman whispered. “Breath with me. In.” She breathed in deliberately. “And out.” She pushed the air out of her lungs. “In and Out.”

The boy copied, his breaths following hers. In and out. In and out. His breathing slowed as did the beeping of the heart monitor. Slowly, so slowly, his shaking subsided but the boy didn’t let go of her suit.

Maddie stayed still, questions bombarding her now that the boy was calmed. This boy, who was he? Where had he come from? Why...why did Vlad have a teenager in his lab? And why did he have a ghost that could change into a human? Or was this a human who could turn into a ghost? Her mind raced, her own heart rate increasing with overwhelming confusion. How was this possible? What was this kid?

She looked down, an idea sparking. That ghost disease that all the teenagers supposedly got. The disease that gave them ghost powers. She and Jack had never seen any of the supposedly infected students. They’d dismissed the claims as absurd. Humans could not have ghost powers. Yet Jazz and Danny’s friend, Sam, had both insisted that they’d gotten sick and both had displayed a ghostly ability. And if...if that was true….. She paled, the overheard words from the last phone call hitting her. Tests, sample collection, subject, experiment. If Vlad was experimenting with that disease, experimenting with ectoplasm on...on….

“Where...where am I?” A quiet male voice asked, directly in front of her. Maddie stiffened at the words, roughly pulled out of her thoughts. “What’s happening?”

The woman’s heart stopped. That voice. That voice. Oh god. Suddenly shaking, she unwrapped her arms from the boy. Gently, so gently, she grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands off of her. The boy seemed to shrink in on himself at that, shoulders falling. 

He sniffled but Maddie shushed it. “Look...look up at me.” She quietly asked. Slowly, the teenager obeyed and again, the mother felt like her world was turned on its head. Familiar, icy blue eyes met hers. The curve of that nose, the round chin, the slightly chubby cheeks. Oh god, she knew...she knew this face intimately. A trembling hand reached out to touch, cupping the boy’s cheek. “Danny?” Maddie asked, before she could really think.

The blue eyes widened, looking at her with the most pure and innocent hope she’d even seen. “Danny? Is that...is that my name?”

The woman’s expression fell, her mind catching up to the question, to what she was seeing. No, this couldn't be Danny. She had just seen him earlier that night. And on the face in front of her….The freckles….the freckles were wrong, laid out in a different pattern. And the scar above his lips, where was it? The mother glanced down, at his collar bone. The birthmark wasn’t there. And...her heart skipped a beat. No, he was too young, maybe two years younger than her son’s current age of 16.

The woman removed her hand. “No. I’m sorry. You’re not….you look like him, like Danny. So I thought….But you’re not...you’re not him.”

The boy’s shoulders fell and his eyes fixed down. The suddenly heartbroken, lonely look broke Maddie’s heart. “Oh. Then...who am I?”

The ghost hunter frowned at the question, her mind trying to form an answer. Who was this boy who looked like her Danny? Wait…. The words on his vitals display flashed in her mind. Clone number 6. Clone. “You’re a clone.” She blinked, mouth falling open. “You’re a clone of my son.”

The boy looked up, raising a brow. “What’s a clone?”

Maddie flushed at the question. It was so innocent. And his eyes, staring up at her like she had the answer to every question in the universe. “That’s...that’s complicated.” She glanced down, cheeks reddening in a sudden realization. “Let’s umm...let’s get you some clothes first.” The mother blushed for a moment. He’d been naked this whole time, while they’d been hugging and she had been comforting him.

“Clothes?” The boy tilted his head and the innocent confusion, the lack of embarrassment, just about killed Maddie. This looked like a teenager but obviously he wasn’t actually one.

The mother pushed the thought away, head surveying the room for something to cover the child with. She gaze fixed on something white hanging on one of the walls. Lab coats. Maddie started pushing herself to her feet.

The boy whimpered, grabbing her hand. “Don’t leave me.”

Maddie’s expression softened. “I’m not. I’m just going to get you something to wear.”

Shakily, she stood and walked across the lab. All the while, the woman could feel the eyes on the back of her head. But she ignored it, focusing on grabbing a coat. She pulled the white garment off the peg and quickly returned. Maddie then knelt down and held out the coat. The boy looked at it with no recognition as if he had no idea what to do with it. He probably didn’t.

“I can put it on you then. Hold out your arms.” Maddie instructed.

The boy, the clone, (this was a clone, a clone of her son. Her son. How? Why? What?). The clone did as she said and the woman dressed him as if he was a little child. (He probably was). The woman tried to smile comfortingly as she fastened the buttons. “There you go. All covered up.”

The boy looked at the sleeves curiously. They hung past his hands as the garment swallowed him. He waved his arms, watching the ends flap. The child laughed at the sight.

Maddie’s heart clenched at the child-like display. But then she turned her attention to the AI that had been silently watching the entire time. Standing, she scowled. “Is he a clone of my son?”

“Yes.” The MADDIE program replied. “Subject Number 6 is a clone of Daniel James Fenton.”

Maddie looked down again. Somehow, despite how impossible this was, that made perfect sense. The appearance was nearly identical, to perfect for strangers. And….she swallowed. Vlad had a sick fascination with her children, with Danny in particular. She knew the man fancied himself something of a godfather, with his pet names, presents, and advice. And Danny despised it, much more than any teenage boy should even if said godfather had a tendency to flirt with his mother.

The woman paled, all sorts of horrible idea coming into her head. What Vlad must want from Danny, what he must really want from her son. And to do the scientifically impossible? She shivered. Tests, experiments. She remembered the hybrid ghostly appearance, the ectoenergy flowing off of him. From some the ghostly disease? But… “Wait...you said that he was clone of Phantom earlier?”

The hologram’s response was cut off by a scream from the floor. Maddie’s eyes flicked down panickedly as the clone looked up at her. “My...my arm...it’s gone.”

The woman’s eyes just about popped out of her skull. His left sleeve with the hand and arm inside of it were gone. Maddie knelt down, reaching towards where the limb should be. Her hand hit something solid and chilly. She rapidly blinked. “It’s invisible. Your arm is invisible.” Panic rose in her. Ghostly abilities. There were ghostly abilities. He had ghost powers.

“Invisible?!” The boy shrieked. 

Maddie’s heart clenched. That sounded just like Danny, her son when he was scared. The boy’s mouth was open with panic, his breath increasing. And all the woman could see was her son. Her son’s face, screwed up with panic and fear. It made her soul ache. She gently wrapped her hand around his invisible one. “It’s still there but you need to calm down. Breath with me. Like before. Okay. In and out.”

The boy copied her action once and his hand returned to visibility. He threw himself forward into her arms. Maddie returned the hug without hesitation. Then a breath later, cold swept over her. The body in her arms disappeared, turning into cold mist. Both the woman and the boy screamed as he turned intangible and fell through her.

Maddie rapidly stood, stepping back. What was happening?! On the floor, the boy returned to solidity, the slightly translucent appearance disappearing. He rolled onto his back, panting. The beeping of the monitor increased with his breathing as his face scrunched up fearfully. 

Then a heartbeat later, just when Maddie thought she was done with surprises for tonight, something else stole the breath from her lungs. A white ring of light formed around the boy’s waist. It spread up and down his body and everything the light touched changed. The scientist blinked away the spots in her vision. And there, writhing on the floor with a panicked expression, was Phantom. Or...he looked like Phantom. White hair, black and white jumpsuit, panic filled green eyes.

It suddenly all hit Maddie like a tractor-trailer. He was a clone of Danny.. .and he was a clone of Phantom. Of Phantom. Danny...it clicked into place. Oh god, Danny’s accident with the portal. Him setting off all their equipment. His badly hidden injuries. Falling grades, skipping class, not sleeping. Oh god. Danny was Phantom. Danny Fenton was Danny Phantom. That...that was a pun, damnit. Of course her son would name himself after a pun. And… her eyes fixed on the boy on the floor. His face even stayed the same! No wonder Phantom avoided getting close to them!

In front of her, the clone was hyperventilating again. “What’s happening to me?!” He cried, tears welling in his eyes. His legs were fused into a ghostly tail which lashed in front of him.

The mother’s brain kicked into gear, her motherly instincts taking over again. She knelt down. “Sweetie. Sweetie. Calm down. I’m here.” 

She grabbed his arm, intending to pull him into a sitting position but he was so light, as light as a balloon. With the slightest tug, he was pulled into the air, floated. Maddie pulled the ghost boy into her arms. She cupped the back of his head.

“What’s...what’s happening to me?” He cried again.

“I don’t know.” Maddie answered honestly. She had only the barest idea of what all was going on. But still... “I’ll figure it out. I’ll help you. You’re safe. I’m right here.”

The boy wiggled in her hold, crying into her shoulders. “I...I don’t understand. I don’t understand. Who...who am I? Who are you? Where are we?”

Maddie didn’t know. Or rather she didn't know how to answer those questions without making him more scared. She desperately wished she did know. She’d have to have a long conversation with Danny about him being Phantom and about what is actually going on between him and Vlad but for now...she hugged the boy tighter.

A long minute later, light passed over the clone again. He became heavy and warm in Maddie’s arms. His knees wobbled for a moment before steadying as Maddie held him up. “There, you’re doing it. You can stand.” His posture strengthened and the shaking stopped. Finally, the mother asked. “Do you think you can stand on your own?”

“I...I think so?” The boy said, uncertainly.

“Alright. I’m going to step away slowly. I’ll catch you if you start to fall.” Maddie reassured.

The child nodded as the woman backed away. He wobbled, tipping forward but the ghost hunter gently grabbed him. They stood, hands on each other's forearm for a long pause, until the boy steadied himself. He looked down at his feet, lifting one before putting it down and then doing the same with the opposite. Finally, he let go of Maddie’s arms. After hesitating, the mother did the same.

The boy studied her compassionate face, brow furrowed with deep thought. “Who are you...to me?”

Maddie considered, studying his face in kind. Her son’s face. A face so like her Danny’s. He was a clone, a clone of her son. Meaning...he was her own flesh and blood. Her lips pursed in thought. More importantly...he was a child. A confused, scared child who needed her help. And before she was a ghost hunter and scientist, Maddie was and would always be a mother.

“I’m your mother.” She said without hesitation, smiling. “Your mom.”

“Mom?” The boy asked, testing out the word. 

Maddie nodded, reaching forward and gently whipping one of his tears away with her thumb. “I’m your mom.”

The child smiled, his eyes lighting up like that was the most wonderful thing he had ever heard. It very well could be. “Mom.” The word rang out with so many emotions, with some much love that Maddie’s heart swelled. The boy stepped forward hugging her again.

The mother ran her finger through his hair. “Yes baby. I’m here to take you home."

“You will take him away from here, then?” A staticy voice asked, beside the pair.

Maddie turned, pulling away to look at the AI. Beside her, the clone tilted his head as he looked between the two but didn’t ask.

The scientist nodded. “Yes. I think I understand why you called me now.” Of course she did. This was an AI made to copy her, something of a digital clone. If Maddie was in her place, she would not so easily agree to whatever Vlad had planned. She would not leave a child here to be experimented on. And as the MADDIE programs 'original’, for lack of a better word, she wasn’t exactly an outsider and therefore a loophole.

The hologram nodded. “I will disable the microchip then.” A light on the monitor blinked out and the beeping of the heart monitor stopped. The AI then turned to the computer. She pointed to a flash drive plugged into one of the ports. “That contains all research data. Take it with you.” 

Maddie obeyed, taking the drive. The AI winked. “Excellent. Delete all research data. Command alpha-06-gamma-58-epsilon.”

There was a loud dial tone and the computer fritzed, the monitor wavering until a blue screen reading ‘System Deletion’ in large print was displayed.

Maddie raised a brow, impressed at the AI. 

Then the clone asked. “What about you? Are you coming with us?”

The program shook her head. “No dear. I am not like you. My purpose is served.” The AI turned to deliberately look at Maddie. “Number 6 has been saved.”

The boy frowned at the statement as did the mother, considering the statement and the depth of it. She didn’t know what to make of it except...it almost felt like one mother was handing off her son to another.

“Go on.” The MADDIE program encouraged. "You may go out the way you came and I will lock the doors behind you." She frowned. "I will distract dearest for as long as I can."

Maddie wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I suppose you can't just call him Vlad?"

"No." The AI almost sounded annoyed. "My programming is most inconvenient."

The ghost hunter nodded in understanding. Then she turned to face the clone. "Come on then sweetie." She wrapped one arm around the boy and started leading him towards the door. Before passing through, the women turned back to face the hologram. "Thank you."

The corner of MADDIE program's lip turned up as she offered an accepting nod. The pair then turned back towards the still open door. The clone wobbled slightly, progressing slowly as he gained more confidence. Maddie carefully stepped across the threshold with the boy still at her side. Once they were in the tunnel, a gap sounded from beside her.

"What is it?" The mother glanced to the side, eyes wide with concern.

"The ground's cold." The boy muttered.

"Oh." Maddie looked down. "You're not wearing any shoes." She'd have to get him some once they got home and some proper clothes. "Just step carefully, okay? Actually…." With her free hand, she pulled out her flashlight and shone it on the bare ground in front of them. "There." 

The pair advanced carefully, Maddie helping the boy to clumsily climb up the ladder. They crossed the greenhouse and the mother pulled the boy along as he eagerly studied their surroundings. 

"It smells nice in here." The clone commented, sniffing the air.

"It does." Maddie agreed. 

Arriving at the door, she finally opened it and the two found themselves in the open air. The boy suddenly stopped, looking down. 

He hummed in the back of his throat, pleased. "I like the grass under my feet." Maddie looked down to find the kid wiggling his toes. Then there was an awed whisper. "Wow. Are those the stars?"

The mother looked up again to find him staring up at the sky in wonder. Maddie smiled. "Yes, they are. Aren't they beautiful?"

"Yeah." He breathed.

Maddie let him look up in awe, as she herself marveled. She couldn't help but be reminded of Danny's love of the stars. But even with the resemblance, he was a different person from her Danny, wasn't he? She could already see little difference. This child-like wonder was something she hadn’t seen in her son very often now. But still she wondered. This clone seemed to know the words for things. He could speak clearly and had good coordination all things considered. How was that even remotely possible? And yet he still had the air of someone who had never seen the world before, like every was new. Because it likely was.

With that, Maddie cut off her musing. "Come on sweetie. We need to keep going."

The mother hated cutting off his exploration, especially as his expression fell. But the boy nodded anyway, taking a step forward. The pair continued, cutting across the yard, into the trees, and to the car. Maddie clicked the fob to unlock the vehicle. She guided the boy to the car, opened the passenger's side door, and helped him sit. The mother then walked around and opened the driver's side door and sat down herself.

Maddie turned to find the clone looking at his seat belt curiously. She reached over. "Here let me help you." She buckled him in.

The boy hummed, fidgeting in his seat while Maddie buckled herself in. She put the key in the ignition and started the engine. Instantly, the radio started, a song from their local eighties station broadcasting through. The clone flinched at the sudden sound before relaxing. 

He turned, looking at the woman with wide eyes. "What's that?"

Maddie smiled. "It's music."

"Right. Music." The boy nodded. He tilted his head, listening to the song. After a moment, his head bobbed in time. "I think I like music." He hummed along, wiggling in his seat.

It made Maddie want to laugh so she did. She chuckled as she put the car into drive and pulled away. She turned into the road and started driving back towards Fentonworks. The song ended just as they pulled up at a red light.

The clone turned to face her. "Where are we going?"

She looked at him out the corner of her eye. "We're going home, like I said earlier."

He nodded. "Right yeah. I remember that." He hummed. "What will we do when we get there?"

Maddie paused, considering the question. "Well...we’ll talk to your dad and your….Danny and Jazz….and we’ll figure all of this out.” 

She’d hesitated for a moment, thinking to refer to Danny and Jazz as his brother and sister. But Maddie had no idea how they’d take this. Hopefully well. Those two were good kids but living with a clone of yourself….Maddie could hardly imagine. At least Jack would be eager and welcoming. She knew her husband well enough to be sure….Oh boy, she really should have told him something about all of this before she’d left.

"All of this….you mean the….clone thing and…" He bit his lip. "The flashing light and the floating and disappearing and falling through things?"

"Ghost powers." Maddie said, brow furrowing. "You have ghost powers. As far as I can tell, you're some kind of ghost human hybrid? Not that I knew that was possible until less than an hour ago…." She frowned. "Nor did I know you existed."

The boy frowned, looking worried. His lips pursed. "So...you don't know what my name is then, do you?”

Maddie's heart fell. In front of them, the light turned green. The woman turned back, removing her foot off the gas. The car pulled away before the mother pulled into a parking lot. 

She took a deep breath, the impossibleness of the situation hitting her. She was sitting in her car with a clone of her son. A clone that she’d found in the secret laboratory below Vlad Master’s greenhouse. A human-ghost hybrid clone of her son who was also a hybrid. She had another son now. A son who she now had to tell that she didn't know his name, because he likely didn't have one yet.

Maddie put a comforting hand on his arm. “I’m sorry.” She gently apologized. “You’re right. I don’t know. And sadly….” She took a deep breath. “And I know this will be hard to hear but...all I know is that hologram called you Number 6 and...that’s not exactly a name, is it? ” 

His lip quivered, eyes starting to water. “But….that’s….”

The mother took his hands and squeezed it. “That will change. Your father and I can pick out a name for you; that’s what parents normally do for their children. Or….if you have something in mind, we’ll happily call you that.”

The clone looked down, biting his lip in consideration. “I’ll...I’ll think about it.”

Maddie’s face softened. “Alright sweetie.”

He turned his head up, blinking at her. “Sweetie? Can that be my name?”

The question was asked so innocently that Maddie couldn’t help but laugh. “No. That’s a pet name. I call all my kids that.”

“Oh.” He blushed in embarrassment. “Well that’s...at least, that means I’m one of your kids.”

The mother nodded her head. “Yes, of course. You’re my son.” It should have been surprising how much her heart swelled with love at the statement but well….Maddie had made up her mind. This was her son. Not Vlad Masters’ experiment. Not just Danny’s clone. Her son and Vlad was not taking him away from her.

They would have a lot to figure out. A name for this boy. His complete origin as a clone. How to deal with having a third child, one who’d just appeared overnight. They’d have to deal with the implications of her revelation that Danny was Phantom. And Vlad...what he’d done was horrible. He’d stolen blueprints and her son’s DNA. He’d experimented on a human or...humans. She internally frowned; he was clone number 6. Did that mean that there had been five others? 

Either way, Vlad was deplorable. There, in the depth of his lab, below something as innocuous and normal as his greenhouse, Maddie had discovered that and the true depth of his obsession with her and her family. And now she knew, Vlad needed to be stopped. He needed to be punished. But what exactly to do with him, considering how taking him down would likely expose Danny’s identity as Phantom? Yes, they had a lot to deal with but….

Maddie leaned forward to kiss her new son’s forehead. “You have a family now. And a home. And everything else we’ll figure out together.”

A soft smile crept across his face. “I like how that sounds.”

“Good.” Maddie smiled. “Now...are you ready to go meet the rest of your family?”

“Yeah.” He squeezed the hand still holding hers. “I’m ready Mom.”

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

Continued from this post, Part 3 of my discussion of Essek Thelyss in the context of real-world espionage. This time: what happens to espionage assets in the long run? Do they break contact, and why? What might have been in store for Essek?

At the treaty meeting Essek tells Ludinus to his face that he wants no further contact with the Assembly, not even to learn what the Assembly discovers via their own beacon. He’s far from the first asset to try to sever their relationship, and it ends in one of three ways: they don’t manage to break contact, they break contact but voluntarily return, or (rarest of all) they end the relationship permanently. 

Most attempts don’t go beyond option 1, because intelligence agencies are not in the business of respecting their assets’ choices. Handlers are skilled in keeping the upper hand in their asset relationships and will take any further opportunity to gain leverage by compromising the asset. For instance they’ll often pay for information even if the asset hasn’t requested it, because money changing hands makes it far harder for an asset to frame their activities positively to their own side if they attempt to confess (”You expect us to believe they were blackmailing you when you got $10,000 to hand over the secret manual?” etc.) And when push comes to shove most people aren’t willing to accept the severe punishments for espionage. An asset’s threat to confess is more likely a negotiating ploy than a serious option.

Some assets, especially nervous or ego-driven ones, get the carrot: the KGB did a strong line in awarding secret medals to convince them they were doing important, well-regarded work and that the KGB would protect them - not an empty reassurance, as highly-placed moles like Aldrich Ames warranted elaborate ops involving double and triple agents to avert suspicions. And some assets get the stick: the handler tightens the screws using whatever leverage they’ve gained, implies that they’re already “too far in to go back,” or gives some time for those who were blackmailed into spying to think about the consequences of exposure.[1]

Those who get as far as option two, breaking it off and later returning, are usually driven away by fear but back by finances. Fantasy spies have all sorts of motives but in real life the majority are in it for the money. Assets, as you might imagine, make bad choices. About half start selling secrets just to stave off massive debt from overspending and poor financial decisions (the rest feel underpaid.) So even if these assets stop temporarily, the circumstances that drove them to espionage in the first place are still very much present. In these cases all a handler has to do is shrug and say, “You know where to find us.” Infamous FBI mole Robert Hanssen broke off contact with his Russian handlers when the Soviet Union collapsed, fearing he might get outed in the chaos, but linked back up with them just 10 months later when, surprise surprise, he needed some cash.

And then there are the rare handful who stop completely. There’s a bit of survivor(?) bias here because anyone who passes along secrets, breaks off the relationship before being caught, and manages to get away with it is by definition someone we don’t know about. Those who do manage to break contact long-term are usually able to do so because they left the situation that gave them access to interesting secrets and therefore the controlling agency determined they were no longer a useful resource and not worth pursuing. But even if an asset stops working for an agency, they’re far from forgotten - and far from off the hook. Names and evidence of their espionage would be kept on file for potential use as blackmail, leverage in state-to-state negotiations, or expendable material to prove bona fides in ops involving fake defectors or triple agents. A surprising number of spies are caught/outed years after their espionage ended.

Very few assets permanently sever their espionage relationships the hard way: making a genuine confession and accepting punishment. But it’s not unheard-of, especially if the espionage was brief and the asset believes the damage can be repaired. In 1989 Army signals analyst Michael Peri disappeared from his post in West Germany along with a portable computer containing numerous classified documents. Eleven days later he returned to his previous post with the computer and voluntarily confessed to the theft and sort-of defection to East Germany. When interrogated, Peri - who had been a model soldier until that point - said he felt overworked and underappreciated by his superiors, though he couldn’t entirely explain his decisions either to leave or to return (a sexy female Russian agent might also have been involved). He received a 30-year sentence.

Marine Clayton Lonetree, a guard stationed at the US Embassy in Moscow in 1985, was blackmailed over an affair to hand over details on the embassy compound for a year, but his conscience finally got the better of him and he confessed in late 1986. Being a Marine he faced the very real prospect of death by firing squad, but the court martial ended up giving him a 30-year sentence. It was later reduced to 15 after the Marine Corps Commandant wrote a letter to the Navy Secretary on his behalf attributing the young Marine’s actions not to treason or greed but to loneliness, naivety, and poor judgement.[2]

Going back to Essek’s case, he’s already in the minority of espionage assets because he doesn’t want money in return for the secrets he passes along; though the knowledge the Assembly promises him in return fulfills a similar desire, Essek doesn’t need that knowledge to pay off the equivalent of debt or to maintain his lifestyle. He has no pressures at home that force him to continue spying. With the beacons returned, the fall guys in place, and their tracks seemingly covered, he tells Ludinus that all he wants is to be rid of the entire affair. That rules out option one (he sincerely means to cut the Assembly off) and option two (he won’t be driven back by need.) 

Essek is also in an unusual position in that the worst of the damage he caused is repairable - just return the beacons.[3] A secret, once compromised, can’t be un-compromised. If an asset hands over a cipher machine they can’t fix the situation by stealing the cipher machine back; the foreign agency they sold it to has already studied the machine and learned its secrets, meaning it’s now effectively useless. But returning the beacons restores what the Kryn lost. While keeping dunamancy secret gives the Kryn a tactical edge, and I’m sure the Dynasty would prefer to keep the magical soulstones of their elite hidden from their long-time rival, the beacons don’t need to be secret to work. Essek therefore has a much better chance than most to simply repair the damage, cut off his handlers, and try to forget the whole affair ever happened. He might even think that, now that the Assembly has their own beacon, they’ll have no further use for him and will just leave him alone.

But from the Cerberus Assembly's perspective, this fruit still has plenty of juice in it and they risk nothing by continuing to squeeze. Now that they have their own beacon Essek’s knowledge becomes even more valuable. He has access to hundreds of years of dunamantic spellcrafting - and more importantly the rite of consecution, since the Assembly were probably after beacons in the first place to make themselves immortal. If Essek is caught, it’s treason for him, but the Assembly doesn’t suffer; they were doing it for the good of the Empire, learning about dunamancy to help the war effort. So if he refuses to keep spying voluntarily for the Assembly, they’ll just have to find another way to motivate him. 

As part of evaluating Essek before recruitment, Assembly operatives would have noted that he’s, well, highly motivated to save his own skin. Ludinus’ goal therefore becomes to make Essek see further espionage as the only way to stay alive. So instead of confronting Essek then and there, Ludinus shrugs and goes, “Okay. Sure.” Then he activates the Volstruckers, maybe leaks a little info to the Dynasty about a traitor in their midst, and sets up Essek to stew in fear, feeling isolated and attacked from both sides - targeted by the Assembly for his defiance, under suspicion from the Dynasty, unable to ask for help because of his crimes. Ludinus sits back and waits for Essek to re-establish contact on his own. Of course Ludinus didn’t know that the M9 had confronted Essek and gotten him to confess, making a return to spying impossible even if he tried.

While Essek’s motives revolve around ego, frustration, and rebellion, his situation is more like those of people who end up defecting because they’re unable to pursue their careers or live as they want to back home. He has virtually no social/family ties to leave behind, no loyalty to Dynasty authority, and no religious fervor to defend the Luxon, while the Assembly promises him the company of like minds and free rein in his experiments. Assuming no intervention by the M9 I think Essek would have ended up defecting to the Cerberus Assembly. If he did it early enough in the story he might have even joined the Volstruckers to complete the narrative foil transformation.

If the crew had confronted him at the treaty but not offered mercy I think he would have defected purely out of fear, thinking the Assembly were the only people who could protect him from both the Dynasty and the M9. He was already on edge watching the guy he'd set up to take the fall getting walked away in chains and with the Assembly's Wind of Aeons ship right there it would be the ideal time to make the move. Assuming the treaty confrontation went as it did (the crew makes him confess but lets him live) but the M9 hadn’t shown up in Eiselcross, Essek would likely have fled the outpost and gone into hiding in a bid to outrun his crimes (and probably gotten caught two weeks later given how awful he was at being “Dezrain Thane.”)

Essek is far from the first recruited asset to regret what they did even as they kept doing it. Those who can sell out their nation and not feel even a pang of guilt are thankfully thin on the ground. Most start off doing what seems to be a favor for a friend - or accepting a favor from a friend who wants to help with their “financial difficulties” - and end up so deep they can’t see any way forward other than to keep handing over secrets. He’s one more in a long line of those who compromised information out of frustration, especially through the appeal to shared professional interests (that’s how industrial assets tend to be recruited.)

But he’s also in a much better place to make up for it than most assets. Since he primarily compromised property, not secrets, returning said property can (somewhat, mostly) repair the damage done, which goes a long way towards buying leniency from the powers that be. And now I’m realizing that this post actually needs one final part, which is: how do you try someone for espionage, and should you charge them with it in the first place?

[1]  While spy dramas love sexy blackmail, and handlers will happily collect it to leverage against a balky asset, it works far less often in reality as a main reason for espionage. Social penalties for extramarital affairs pale before actual legal penalties like the death sentence for treason. On the other hand, those with foreign relatives are sometimes coerced by threats against those relatives.

[2]  Lonetree’s case for leniency got a boost in 1994 when Aldrich Ames was finally caught and some serious breaches of embassy security that had been attributed to Lonetree were found to be Ames’ work instead. In 1996 Lonetree was released after having served 9 years total.

[3] Although I did just think of a really messed-up Cerberus Assembly plan: consecute a handful of completely loyal Volstruckers, kill them, and send the beacons back so said agents will be reborn in the Dynasty and work to undermine it from within. How fucked up would that be?? Campaign 3 plot hook anyone?

(This accidentally turned into a series on Essek & IRL espionage: Parts 1, 2, 3, 4)

[stephspurs]

A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction

Life is beautiful and life is cruel. This is a window into the souls of the victorious and the vanquished. In a way, football did come home during the summer of 2021. Follow along Amelia’s journey, navigating the football world as a tactical analyst for the Italian football team, with a brother and father part of the three lions. Will Amelia leave Italy and come back to England? Will she leave the Serie A for the Prem? Will she set aside the bianconeri stripes for new colours, leaving behind friendship for love? Maybe she can have both...

Wow - the response i received in a little under 24 hours since i posted the first taste of part 1 has truly bowled me over! I wasn't expecting that reaction & tbh i would have been happy if 2 people wanted to read this story hahaha! So, i've been writing in the background & the first few parts have already been proofed and are ready to go. HOWEVER! I am open to your suggestions so please please let me know what you think and how you want to see Amelia's story play out. As far as i'm concerned, this fic is as much yours as it is mine! So please enjoy this first part, in its entirety, and let me know your thoughts! Love always,

Steph xx

UPDATE as of 31/07: I've made some additional editing changes due to some feedback about the confusion between ben white (her brother) and ben chilwell (not her brother LOL). Nothing has been added to the story, just the addition of either surname has been added where i think it could be more straightforward - for future readers!

Part 1 | prima parte

warnings; none - maybe a bit of angst? (what sibling rivalry doesn't have a bit of angst)

word count; 1978 words

writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter.

next update; Sunday 25/07 5pm AEST. Updates will be twice weekly at this stage. Probably Wednesday’s and Sundays from next week!!

link to fic masterlist here

The world of football, no matter how big it may seem, is as tight as a close-knit family. Whether its management staff, senior players, scouts, academy players, business developers, medical team, groundskeeper - everyone knows someone who knows someone else involved in the sport. For Amelia White, it was a family affair.

Having grown up with her father as a senior tactical analyst for many different clubs throughout his career, and an older brother currently playing for Brighton in the Premier League, there was no opportunity for her to escape the fanaticism of the sport. It was what her household lived and breathed, football. Most would think that, with her brother being as successful as he is now, her childhood was shadowed by her brother's success but that's not the case. She capitalised on her ability to think both logically and creatively, and absorbed all of the information her father could give her as if she was a sponge, to establish a name of her own in the sport and advance her career in the sport. At the age of 21 she upped and left the comforts of her home in West London, accepted a position at Juventus within their graduate program & worked her way up the ranks to be their youngest tactical analyst by the age of 24.

So far in her career, the support of her mother, father & brother were unmatched by any. They were all so proud of her for making her own name, proving herself and succeeding in one of the most competitive football leagues in the world. She was smart, tactful, both meticulous and ruthless in her approach to her career and the success of her players. Because after all, they were her players. She worked day in and day out, studying them and their opponents, drafting performance plans and set pieces for every possible outcome of the play, so that they could perform at their best. They had her trust and faith, and she had theirs. This is probably what her family was most proud of, and wished her every success, until she was appointed as a tactical analyst for the Italian National Team for the upcoming Euro 2020 tournament. Which happened to be the same tournament that her brother had received his call up to the Three Lions. Which was the current level at which her father was a senior tactical analyst for the English National Team. The Euro 2020 Tournament was about to be a real family affair...

10 July 2021

It had been 2 months since she last had any contact with her family. 3 months ago, Amelia signed a contract with the Federcalcio, the governing body of football in Italy, to become the Azzurri’s tactical analyst for the foreseeable European Football Championship. In turn, her silky signature at the bottom of the agreement, also constituted a digital and physical contact ban with members of her family that were also involved with the tournament...her father and her brother.

At the time of the contract, and against her better judgement, Amelia hadn’t told her family of her opportunity. She knew her father would be proud, but her brother would be bitter. Her mother was switzerland, completely neutral and rooting for both of her children - but that's not how football works. No matter your role you have a job to do, and you do everything you can to make sure it is your team that lifts the trophy at the end of the tournament. So, on May 23rd her family congratulated her for another successful season at Juventus, and unbeknownst to them, said goodbye for the next 2 months. Until the day before the final match of the tournament, Italy v. England.

Her heart dropped when England won their semi final match against Denmark. She wanted nothing more than for her brother to be happy and for her father to succeed, but she didn’t want to have to go up against them in the final. Ultimately, she knew they were good, but she also knew that she could hold her own and compete with the best. Having a close relationship with her brother, up until this period, meant that she often paid attention to the premier league. This was a major benefit to her as she had already started analysing the azzurri’s opponents. It was her job to know what foot Raheem Sterling preferred to pass with, what direction Declan Rice preferred to take the ball up the field, what direction of receiving the ball did Harry Maguire struggle the most with. So that's how she spent the three days between matches, solidifying her knowledge of her opponents & predicting the plays her dad would be instructing the English team to complete, to attempt to outperform the Italians. However nothing would prepare her for the knock on her suite door, or for what was on the other side…

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“Ciao Amelia, vieni con me per favore. abbiamo organizzato una visita supervisionata con tuo fratello prima della finale di domani sera. sorpresa!” (hi amelia, come with me please. we have arranged a supervised visit with your brother prior to the final tomorrow night. surprise!). I stood there in shock staring at one of my players & closest friends, Federico Bernardeschi. I was a person who didn't enjoy spontaneity, who thrived off of preparation and organisation. I needed the opportunity to overthink every situation so that I could prepare for every possible outcome. This was not my idea of a good time. Of course I missed my brother, but I know just how volatile he can be. Nevertheless, I grabbed my jacket and shoved my sneakers on before following Fede down the hall and into a blacked out van that was waiting to take me to St. George’s Park for my family reunion.

Upon arriving, and after a stern pep talk from Fede (who was my appointed supervisor for the visit - not sure I would say he was the most responsible choice but he did talk some sense into me) I walked into the main entrance and saw my father leaning against the reception desk waiting for me.

“Papa!!” I called as I walked over to him, ready to smother him with my love and affection. My father, Dean White, and I had as good of a relationship as possible, being that he was always heavily involved with my brother Ben’s footballing career as well as his own. I think when I came along, my father didn't know how to be a girl dad, so he took my mothers advice and just involved me like he would Ben. I was glad that I would be seeing him first, and he would be taking me to see my no-doubt pissed off brother.

“Dad, this is Fede, one of my players”

“Ciao Dean, it’s very nice to meet you but i am also her bodyguard for this evening” Fede introduced himself to my father and they exchanged pleasantries. I had a look around the foyer of the facility until I heard my name brought up in conversation.

“Amelia, come on. The boys are just over here. I don’t think you have long before heading back to your camp” My dad called to me. Boys? As in...more than just my brother?

“Hahaha that's funny dad, just show me to his room and we can have our screaming match there. Should only be about 20 or so minutes”

“Ben’s not in his room, we have a recreation room for the players and staff to lounge about and relax in. Pretty sure he’ll be in there. Come on, you’ve never been scared of your brother before. Why start now?” Before I knew it, Dad was leading us through some doors and into a large common area with bean bags, pool tables and couches - all occupied by current first team members of the English National Football team.

“Dean mate, don’t normally see you down here after 7pm. Oh look at that, someone let the trash in.” A loud mouthed player, that I used to adore as if he was my own brother, calls out as he notices us enter the room. And just like that, I shake off my nerves, stand in front of my taller & more argumentative bodyguard, relax my shoulders and stare into the eyes of Kyle Walker - daring him to challenge me and push me further.

“Relax Kyle, Benjamin White - your sister is here to see you.” Dad cut Kyle off. I didn’t need him to defend me against Kyle’s harsh comments, I could defend myself.

“Wow, I thought hell would freeze over before I got the opportunity to speak to you. Of course, I didn't realise hell would look quite like seeing you in that shade of blue.” My brother, Ben, spoke bitterly at me as he approached me from the other side of the room. This, coupled with Walker’s exclamation earlier, got the attention of the majority of the players scattered about.

“Ben, if you let me explain in private I'm sure you will be able to understand why things had to be this way” I tried to reason with him. Letting go of my always-defensive guard and pleading with my big brother to open his mind to see my side of the story.

“As if I would even talk to you right now, the night before the final, you’re probably here to try and get some insider information. Boys make sure you don’t say anything to her, she’s as sly as they come” Ben’s words were as sharp as a knife - but I knew what I had to say would cut him deeper.

“Ok that's enough! You are ridiculous! What did you expect me to do? Not take the job because you’re my brother? This is my career we are talking about here” I challenged him. “If you think for one second i stopped supporting you then you must be even more stupid than i thought. Of course this isn't the ideal situation, I'm proud of you for reaching a final but I'm just as proud of myself for doing the same thing.” I got progressively closer to my brother, who stood there with his hands beside himself, unable to get a word in.

“I came tonight to wish you good luck, to tell you I loved you, to give you a hug and tell you to stay safe and play smart. Whilst I still wish all of this for you, I now want you to know that I want you to play your best so I can be better than you. I can show you exactly how good at my job I am. I want you to know that no matter what way you play the ball, I'll be right there waiting for you. I am prepared for this, I hope you are too - so that it will feel that much more sweet when we beat you” I sneered at my older brother, who at this point, is quite visibly feeling a mixture of shock and embarrassment.

I take a step back, let out a breath and shake the tension from my shoulders. Breaking eye contact with my brother, I look briefly - yet confidently - at the other players in the room and take a step back. I turned to my dad, who was looking at me solemnly, as though he wasn’t happy with my outburst but understood it came from a place of frustration with my sibling. Walking up, giving him a kiss on the cheek and wishing him luck, I turned to look at Fede and began to walk to the door. This interaction with my brother, although supposed to be a nice moment shared between siblings, has only gone and motivated me to be at my best tomorrow, to prepare my players to go to war and to come out the other side victorious.

Part 2 | seconda parte