#and dream about all the pretty things i could have if i had monet

[stardustvx]

I have been doing nothing but sitting in front of my laptop the past week and playing Infinity Nikki. It's so nice to have game which I am the actual target audience.

[snowblossomreads]

Day 11 - Out of Reach

Pairings: Lionel Shabandar x Fem!Reader

Summary: In where [Y/n] crushes on her boss who may or may not have similar feelings (spoilers he does)

Tag(s)/Warning(s): boss/secretary thing, pining, 'collecting' people, unhm not too much other stuff really, Lionel getting angy for a moment, worrying about job loss, that's it?

A/N: AYEE it's our boi Lionel 🦁🦁🦁 !!! I have not really written for him before lol so much sorry if it's out of character i'm trying here bhaha!

Crushing on your boss, was one of the most cliche things someone could ever do. Yet here [Y/n] was doing that exact thing, in hopes that maybe, it would all end up like a romantic Christmas BBC special. You know the one, where the protagonist is in love with their boss who, is very much out of reach? But it turns out the boss has been crushing too. Yeah, those.

Only, she didn't think Santa liked her that much. Granted, she stopped believing in him when she saw her mum sneaking presents under the tree when she was ten, but she also wasn’t a big believer in Christmas miracles. It’d be nice though. Because boooy, the list of things she would do for Lionel Shabandar to like her as much as she liked him was looong. 

And some of them were very much not child-friendly.

Hey, it wasn't her fault he was so handsome, suave, and also, so, so demanding of everyone he worked with. A lot of the people who worked for him found that he was a bit of an asshole, but her? Nah. She just saw a man who knew what he wanted, and did what he needed, to make sure he got it. And boy did watching him deal with some of his clients get her hot and bothered, when he would lay waste to them with facts and data until the other person had no other choice than to acquiesce to him, or go back to the drawing board. 

Lionel wasn't a fool, and he certainly didn't have time to suffer with fools or day dreamers. No, he had a business to run and a world to dominate with his media might. 

But speaking of day dreamers.  

"Day-dreaming again [Y/n]?"

The low rumble of his sonorous voice right by her ear, caused her to jolt in her seat as she hadn't even realized he had come over to her. Startled by him suddenly appearing right by her side, and giving her a look of amusement, she couldn't help the flood of embarrassment that ran through her veins, and showed on her face as she tried to play it off. Shuffling up some paper to make it look like she hadn't been zoning out, she smiled at him in hopes he would ignore her zoning out.

He of course, wasn't fooled by that. 

"I don't believe I pay you to just sit pretty and day dream about doing work," he continued, straightening to his full height and crossing his arms against his chest. "Though I do so enjoy looking at you as much as I do my Monet's. Much more interesting than silly paperwork. Though I guess it is a good problem to have. Paperwork that is."

Oh, also how could she forget how much of a flirt he was. Was it really her fault that she was crushing on him whenever he would say something like that to her? 

"I'm so sorry Lionel!" [Y/n] apologized profusely, looking at him bashfully. "It won't happen again! I was just looking at the winter gala information and the themes for the night," she lied hoping to save her skin. 

"Hmm really?"

"Yep, just wanted to make sure we had everything we needed before I went to talk to Earl about getting some potential sample art pieces for the gala."

There was a grimace on his face when she said that, and she noticed it would appear whenever they talked about his curator. She didn't know why, but he seemed to not really liked the man which was so very strange. He did hire him after all. 

"Then why do you only have the lunch menu of the Savoy's grill and memos from print media on your desk?"

She looked down and those were exactly the things on her desk. Well, would you look at that.

"I-I uhm…I got hungry?" 

If he fired her for that, he would very much be in the right for it as she watched him close his eyes, his lips going into a thin line before he let out air through his nose. 

She was about to lose her job wasn't she? So long any chance of her getting to date him. As if there were any in the first place.

"It is about time isn't it," Lionel spoke as he opened his eyes, and glanced down at his watch, and back to [Y/n] who was trying to not gawk at him.

What.

"But before that, I need you to find Earl." Another grimace. "And do indeed tell him about the samples, I rather have this done sooner than later so we can fix any mess ups that happen."

"Don't have any faith in him do you?"

"Barely," he groused, annoyance clear on his features as he rolled his eyes. "I'm not sure why I even keep him on, the quality of his work has been declining for a while now and as you know, I have no time to suffer fools. Especially with the growth that’s happening with the company."

She did. Which made her cheer knowing she wasn't a fool, at least because she was still here.

"Well everyone has their slumps sometimes Lionel," [Y/n] responded, actually dragging up the memos and notes from the board members with their requests and preferences for the gala. "Maybe he's just having one right now? He did help with curating the spring gala this year, and there were a lot of compliments from the board and others, so maybe he's rebounding?"

"The spring gala?" He huffed in exasperation at that memory, and she couldn't help but feel a rant coming on. "You mean after you had to intervene after seeing him show up with a collection of expressionism paintings rather than surrealism after he mixed up which storage room he went into?"

That had been a whole debacle, and she’d never seen Lionel turn that red with anger. The heat had practically radiated off of him as he glared at poor Earl who was bumbling his apologies while [Y/n] tried to calm Lionel. 

"If it wasn't for you it would have been a  bloody disaster!" 

Eh, he did have a point. But she liked Earl pretty well, and he seemed mostly competent. Mostly competent, was well below Lionel's standards though.

"I'll take the compliment, but I'll make sure I'm clear with Earl this time about what we need," she smiled, garnering a similar look from him that made her stomach feel all funny.

He had a very nice smile. 

"Good, other than your daydreaming," he started, causing her to want to squirm in embarrassment, "you've clearly been a better hire than my previous assistant," Lionel mused as his features softened, his eyes watching her intently making  her to feel a bit shy under his gaze. "I'm not one for silly praise, your compensation should be enough for that." 

It was. Quite generous actually. 

"But I do hope you stay on for as long as possible, I do quite like seeing you every day, and appreciate how thorough your work is."

If her face wasn't on fire from earlier when he had shown up next to her suddenly, it sure was now. Something else was on fire as well. Leave it up to her to turn his praise into something more. 

"Thank you Lionel, I hope I can keep satisfying you with my work."

"Oh, I'm sure you will." He replied, flashing a smirk at her that many a woman before had fallen for, and she was not ashamed to be another on the list. "Now," he cleared his throat, "before you talk to Earl, I think lunch is waiting for us. That is if you care to join me today?"

"Yes please!"

"Get. Out." 

He was hot and fuming, but his words were as chilly as the London air this time of the year. Actually, they may have been colder. 

Add the way she had never seen someone run from his office like this, and she had seen some people powerwalk out the door mind you, and she knew they were in a shitty place.

Six weeks until the gala and the ball had been dropped and bad. Earl was out, and they were left with a steaming pile of turd, Lionel's words not hers. But it was very much what it was. 

"Lionel I've called, Andrew, Catherine, James and Holly but all of them are either booked with work or out of the country and won't be able to make it."

"What about Martin?"

"I left a message with Mr. Zaidenweber's assistant, but she said he had just started work with another client and won't be able to fit it into his schedule with such short notice."

"Bloody damn!" He hissed, slamming his hand on the desk, causing some of the items on it to shake and fall. One of the victims, was a little globe that rolled off it and onto the floor as it made its way towards where [Y/n] was standing. "I should have fired him months ago!" He spat, as he leaned over his desk to look at the samples that were left , and it seemed to make him even more furious as he swiped them onto the floor with force. The sound of the pages crinkling filled the air with a ‘woosh’ as he did that.

"And now I'm going to look like an absolute fool to these people because of that little prat!" 

Grabbing the little globe that rolled towards her before it tapped the sole of her shoe, she brought it back to his desk, sitting it down before backing away. She could feel the fury radiating off of him, and rightfully so, considering all the important people who were supposed to be coming to talk business. 

While she wasn't extremely savvy in all of that, only knowing bits and bobs from what Lionel told her, and a bit of research she had to do when clients were coming. She knew appearances were everything, and taking into account what people liked and didn't like was important. 

And Earl had mucked up terribly it seemed, after mishearing what she had said, even though she had sent him memo after memo with what was needed. In a way, it made her feel like it was her fault even logically it wasn't. Still, though, he had entrusted her with that task, and from where she was at right now she felt like a great big failure.

"I'm so sorry Lionel!" She blurted out, her head dropping to look at the floor, hoping to avoid his anger and also to avoid him seeing how her eyes began to gloss.  

A familiar pang in her chest attempted to crawl up her throat, and she tried to keep it down as she had no intention of crying in front of him.

There was a beat of silence before he answered, and when he did, his voice was filled with utter confusion because what was she talking about? 

"I'm sorry?" A look of bewilderment appeared on his face that she couldn't see, and with the tone of his voice going up from his norm, it made her want to hide. "What are you going on about [Y/n]? I don't pay you to curate art though at this point I may have to!" 

"It's just, I-I was the one who said Earl would be fine doing it," she explained shakily as she fidgeted with her fingers. "Even during lunch that one time. I tried to convince you of it…and now he's gone and botched it! I know the board is going to have something to say if things don't go right. And it's not gone right…just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut." 

The room was quiet for a moment before the sound of his shoes tapping against the floor echoed around the space as he approached her. With each step, she felt her heart drop further into her stomach. All that joking around about losing her job, but this time, she might really lose it. 

Head still bowed, even when she felt him standing in front of her, she was jolted when she felt a hand wrap around her forearm, and a finger lifting her head up to look at him.

His lips were drawn into a frown, but the look in his eyes was devoid of anger. Especially now, when he saw her eyes that were rimmed red, which caused a look of concern to etch itself onto his face

"[Y/n] once again you have things arse backwards," Lionel huffed, but gently. "I hired you to run around and make sure the others have their orders, not, to do their work! Not only that, I can assure you I have no intention of blaming anyone for the decisions I make. And it was my decision to let him continue on. So enough of that, I don't enjoy your tears being wasted on something silly like this." 

"B-But I-."

"[Y/n]." His voice was stern, and she quickly shut her mouth not one to back talk him. That seemed to placate him considering the pleased smile on his face before a thoughtful one took over.

"Good. Mow that we are on the same page, I need to make a call, I think I may have a solution. But well, we will see," he explained as he removed his finger from under her chin, which caused disappointment to rise in her chest. Though the one on her arm stayed and she wasn't in a hurry to move it. 

She was hopeless wasn't she?

"Why don't you go and have lunch while I make a call, darling."

Darling? 

That was a first. But she wasn't gonna complain about it either as he didn't even seem phased by what he had said. 

For a moment, she wondered if he had even realized what had come out of his mouth. But he gave no hint of whether or not he did, and she could only do so much to hold back the grin that wanted to break through..

"Sure! Should I bring you back your usual?"

"Yes, that will be fine."

Giving him a smile, they stood in the same spot for a moment, his hand still on her arm as they gazed at one another before [Y/n] made the first move.

"W-well I'll be back and hopefully to some good news," she rambled, as she stepped back from his hold, which caused him to let go of her.  

Already she missed his touch, but they had things to do, his was probably more important by hey so was eating. 

Watching her go on her way, Lionel bit his bottom lip as she left all while he lingered in the middle of the room. His thoughts filled with a plan that he was sure to work, but also with thoughts of [Y/n]. 

His sweet, caring, brilliant, hard working assistant, who was also extremely alluring, so much so he would be remiss to compare her to the paintings he had. Oh no, she was much more stunning than those paintings. 

And like the collector he was, he wanted to collect her. Maybe even have her in his permanent collection…

The only problem was he couldn't tell if she was as interested in him as he was her. But with the way she let him touch her, and how she seemed to hold back when he called her that little pet name, maybe there was a chance. 

A smirk graced his lips at the thought of having her all for himself, but it would have to wait, because he had a gala that needed curating for, and no curator. And that just would not do.

So, he made his way to his desk and took his seat behind it. His back facing the glass window that showed a busy plaza in the middle of London as he picked up his desk phone and dialed a familiar number.

It rang a few times before the receiver was picked up on the other end, and a much to happy sounding voice came through the phone almost shouting.

"Li! What a surprise! You never call me at work without an appointment! And right before lunch too. Everything alright?"

"Quite alright, yes, but Sinclair, I need a favor." 

A/N: What's next? Who knows : D ( I do hehe)

[barrenclan]

went absolutely nuts one night at 4 an and stsrted absolutely screaming about how you could have been anyone by roar is rainhaze coded before i just passed out before i could finish writing this

Sell off the licensing rights to your mind

(Very easy to pin this line on Rainhaze, he gave his mind to Defiance whole-heartedly, before he himself had even realized.)

You'll sit through some ads before you can see the light

(Can be interpreted as his heel-digging to embrace the Defiance beliefs, not only the resistance he presented but the gradual process and conditioning he went through. Depending on the perspective this line it can be interpreted as him finally understanding the gift of slaughter, or in a metaphorical sense the light at the end of the tunnel, repesenting the death of the old Rainhaze and the birth of a Defiance broken tom.)

Life doesn't mean a thing until you've almost none

(Can align with the beliefs of Defiance directly, so many animals take their lives for granted, submitting to the roles relegated to them and labeled solely as hunters or prey. Only until you understand you can be so much more and see the beauty in killing can you then understand you have power.)

You could have been anyone

(Very fitting lyric, if only he hadn't gone this path, perhaps a mate would have lied away from him, maybe even kits. A loving uncle who helped support his nieces and nephews through their struggle to unserstand their identities. A brother who could provide care to his deeply scarred sibling. A cat who above all else loved his family, instead of the grotesque, twisted love his mind was warped into believing.)

You can find Jesus in every thrift store

(In every single Defiance member lay a fragment of Deepdark.)

And you can catch hell, condemned by the Lord's billboards

(And when he wills it, he can tower above you as the almighty jury he is and damn you.)

Wildfires opalize the skies

While they try thinking of ways to monetize

Ways to monetize

Life doesn't mean a thing until you've almost none

You could have been anyone

I love it when people do all the analyzing work for me!

Well, I wouldn't blame you for just the name. I like it with her, though! I don't think I've ever gotten a song suggestion for Rosey.

And I've seen the way the seasons change when I just give it time But I feel out of my mind all the time In the night I'm wild eyed, and you got me now

What a sweet and romantic song for such a pair of weirdos! Deepdark is always associated with "paleness", though, and I think Prowl being sappy is pretty funny.

Good morning, how's the weather dear? My feelings are so clear I just wanna be with you Doing what you do, always Show me how to live <- big darkprowl energy

"Death Thrice Drawn" has the word 'pining', automatic Pinepaw song. Haha, but I also like it as a song for both Pinepaw and Cormorantpaw, musing on their relationship.

Hotshot, have you got a clue how long I've been pining for you? Spent so many sleepless nights in unbaptized decline

The awful truth has eluded you for too long Uh-oh, everything you know is all wrong

Oh, more vocaloid! Songs about barren, abandoned wastelands always fit PATFW.

I can imagine this song being sung by a young Pinepaw.

I'm missing a house That I've never called home I'm missing a time that I've never known I remember a tree, had a whole leaf of my own But now we're reaching spring Was it just a dream? I don't know

The children hum a hymn And I'd like to run away But to leave would be a sin

A distant memory that itches my brain Now it remains a dream

I am always here for more Kate Bush! This song is really beautiful, and I'd definitely apply it to Asphodelpaw, though I think Mallowstar is a bit too old for the relevance. Perhaps more young cats throughout BarrenClan's history?

But he didn't have the money for a guitar (What could he do?) (Should have been a politician) But he never had a proper education (What could he do?) (Should have been a father) But he never even made it to his twenties What a waste Army dreamers

Give the kid the pick of pips And give him all your stripes and ribbons Now he's sitting in his hole He might as well have buttons and bows

My mom is a big fan of Eurythmics, thanks for suggesting it. I can imagine Slugpelt walking through the warm spring rain of BarrenClan, thinking about her past with Cashew.

Here comes the rain again Falling on my head like a memory Falling on my head like a new emotion I want to walk in the open wind I want to talk like lovers do

Want to dive into your ocean Is it raining with you?

I think I've been suggested this song before, yes! I agree, though perhaps this would fit Saltburn's Clan even better. PATFW is not set in a desert after all.

When the last light warms the rocks And the rattlesnakes unfold Mountain cats will come to drag away your bones

She twines her spines up slowly Towards the boiling sun And when I touched her skin My fingers ran with blood

I don't believe it has! I haven't even heard this Mitski song before.

I better ace that interview I better ace that interview I should tell them that I'm not afraid to die

I wanna see the whole world I wanna see the whole world I don't know how I'm gonna pay rent I wanna see the whole world

[erisenyo]

15 people, 15 questions

Thank you @fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma and @sukiluvvs for the tag!!

1.) Are you named after anyone?

Not really. There was a playboy bunny in the news at the time who had the same name but I'm not sure that seeing the name in gossip magazines counts lol

2.) When was the last time you cried?

The last time I answered one of these lol, back in early July when I was in the process of actively missing my vacation to Iceland because my passport renewal didn't come in time. Fun fact: it came the day I would have gotten back :)

3.) Do you have kids?

Nope and never, is the plan!

4.) What sports do you play/have played?

I played lacrosse and I fenced (sabre)! I did both through college, fencing for 7 years and lacrosse for 14. I also used to powerlift (3 years) and kickbox (6 years, RIP to my gym that closed this summer :/) These days I play pickup basketball and intramural dodgeball when the league can get its act together, and I'm thinking of taking lifting back up again

5.) Do you use sarcasm?

Yes, I'm a sarcastic/dry comment factory

6.) What’s the first thing you notice about people?

...Their height? I don't actually know. I size them up to asses whether I could take them in a fight? But not like consciously, it's just...a thing lol

7.) What’s your eye colour?

Brown!

8.) Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings all the way! I am here for the satisfying narrative bow we will never have in our real lives.

9.) Any talents?

Some people know I write a bit, and I think I'm pretty good at that :) I'm also exceptional at packing a trunk/tetrising objects into spaces, and in carrying things in as few trips as possible. (You want me involved in your move) Also very good at data viz but that's getting close to work things and we Will No Talk About Those

10.) Where were you born?

The room my mom was in :)

11.) What are your hobbies?

I like to write, to read, I bake and cook, I spend a lot of time playing with my cat because he is a needy, demanding creature with sharp teeth, all the above-mentioned sports. I also coach, and I've got two regular cook new food/try new restaurant crews and a bookclub that keep me busy

12.) Do you have any pets?

My little creature

13.) How tall are you?

5’3 but this always seems to shock people lol

14.) Favourite subject in school?

History! I was a history and a classics major in college.

15.) Dream job?

Shocker of shockers, I actually really love my current job! If money were no object I would probably continue to do it, but eventually I would want to like...work in a bookstore. I used to in highschool and college and I loved it an I am very well suited to like, repetitive-task-public-interaction environments (I'd also love to be a glassblower or carpenter but only for fun I think. No monetizing my dreams)

Tagging people...who maybe have already been tagged? Lets find out lol

@chitsangenthusiast @haroldtea @ash-and-starlight @petricorah @sukidude @sulkybender @queendollophead-ao3 @bisexuallsokka @chiptrillino @boiiko @ssreeder

[hazely-sims]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

I was tagged by @simstryingtheirbestok and @elvgreen - thank you so much! I love talking about myself hahahaha

I have no idea who's done this or been tagged but I'll tag a bunch of people. Please feel free to ignore me for literally any reason! 15 is so many ahhhh I already feel sorry

@pixelevia, @tealplumbobs, @treason-and-plot, @dandylion240, @simssaga, @monets-pixels, @twitchesandtics, @nikkeisimmer, @bioniczombie, @aisquaredchoco, @faeriefrolic, @echoweaver, @cas-sims, @happy-lemon, and @berrydreamland

are you named after anyone? My middle name is my great-grandmother's name, but spelled differently for some reason.

when was the last time you cried? Just now I inhaled my tea and coughed so hard I cried lmao

do you have kids? Nope

do you use sarcasm a lot? I don't think so. I try to only use it when it's really obvious that I'm being sarcastic. Honestly I feel like sarcasm is often unhelpful or even harmful because the actual thing that's true never gets said, so I usually respond to any and all comments with a serious answer by default. People make fun of me but I'd rather be the idiot who didn't get the sarcasm than the jerk who laughed when you weren't joking.

what sports do you play/have you played? I am so, so bad at sports, but I did play recreational soccer for a few years around the age of 9. I would not do it again.

what’s the first thing you notice about other people? What they look like? I feel like there's not just one thing. Everyone has different distinctive features, right?

scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings. I don't necessarily mind if a good story has a sad ending, but I hate scary movies. Horror is a really wide genre and there are many types of it that I can appreciate and even enjoy, but I don't like movies/games/etc. that are just scary for the sake of being scary. I do not find being scared entertaining at all.

any special talents? I play the violin but I don't know if it's a 'special talent' since it's kind of my job? I'm pretty good at singing though even though I've never had training.

where were you born? I'm from... Canada.

what are your hobbies? I mean, the Sims 3, obviously. I try to have that be my only hobby honestly because I only have so much time, but recently some of you internet nerds got me watching kpop videos... one deep, long rabbithole later and I'm obsessed with these dorks (exclusively) but also still watching other performances (by groups I do not care about) and a bunch of angsty Korean BL dramas. Who am I.

do you have any pets? Yes, I have a grey and white cat who is perfect in every way

wow tall are you? 5′2''

fav subject in school? English, and any performance or pop culture classes.

dream job? I also don't really believe in dream "jobs" but if I could get paid an actual livable wage with the job I have (I teach English) then that would come close. But I also love performing with other people so acting or music would also be a dream job if it didn't also have to be, like, a job.

eye colour? Hazel... 👀

[writernopal]

Writing Questions Tag

Tagged by @crowandmoonwriting for this one, see their post here! Thank you so much! I've been looking forward to it :D

Tagging (gently): @captain-kraken @mariahwritesstuff @elshells @outpost51 @tabswrites @sam-glade @moonluringfrost

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

Starting with the hard questions already! This is hard to pin down, but I'd say the idea behind the worldbuilding between the Faefolk and Dragon races/species in AASOAF. There is a lot I'm proud of there, and every time I think about it, I get shivers! I just wish it was less spoiler heavy so I could talk about it, but I CANT T_T (i cry). A close second would have to be The Realm of Dreams!

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you, and you still think about sometimes?

About my writing, not really! To be fair, this is because I didn't start sharing my writing with a wider audience until very recently (read: the start of this year), and a lot of people IRL still don't know I write, so I don't think there's been a lot of opportunity for that.

What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

My favorite part is definitely coming up with new ideas and writing pretty/poetic prose! I feel like that is where I get to flex my creative muscles the most, and it's really satisfying to come across something that fits into that part of the story just right. The part that I could leave is COPY EDITING, specifically punctuation. Commas are my great burden because sometimes they seem like they go in a spot, and then I come back to read it, and they make no sense there. Line editing, however, gets a happy little kiss on the head because I LOVE that.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

The freedom of play. It is one of the creative outlets that really feels accessible and safe to me, not to mention the possibilities of what I can create aren't bound to ANYTHING. It's a place where I have full agency. I can make or unmake it as many times as I want, twist it, turn it, bop it, you name it, I can do it! Conversely, I can also choose NOT to do it.

What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever read or been given as a writer?

"Write." It sounds largely unhelpful, but to me, this is the permission/encouragement/onus to take that thing in your hands and just do it. Leave your notions of what it should or has to be at the door and create. Make mistakes because there will be many, and when they come, reach out for help, give yourself grace, learn, be patient, and try again. Write, write, write!

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

It's okay to write for fun. This sounds silly to say now, but when I first started out, I met a few people (IRL and online) who seemed unimpressed (putting it nicely) that this was my big "Why?" It was alienating and really made me question why I was putting so much effort into my works and made me wonder if I'd made a mistake by not monetizing it, etc. Every now and then, I still interact with people who are baffled/less than kind about that concept, but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I just wish that I could go back and give previous me a hug about it, though, because I remember it really negatively affected my confidence.

What is your favorite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

Out of the publicly available completed pieces, I'd say Pare (horror/gore, 18+, tumblr link) is my favorite! I wish I could say AASOAF, but it's not done yet T_T

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

"Sit down and stay a while." I don't know if it can be attributed to anyone or where I first heard it, but there is something warm about it. It's a nice way to remember that it's okay to just be. You always have a seat at your own table type beat.

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so, and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

OH MAN. This is really difficult for me, but if I had to choose one, it would be Wilkes. His circumstances are unique and pretty spoiler-heavy, so I won't really get into them, but the best way to put it is that he has seen so much of the forest that all he wants to do is look at the trees, no matter the cost. His type of fixation is quite volatile because while it can demonstrate care and love, it can very easily cross the boundary into smothering and the willing abandonment of the self. To me, that is what makes him so dangerous despite looking rather noble compared to someone like Fay, who is openly cruel, because this is someone who is voraciously hungry for something. But they don't know what that thing is.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

I think she'd cry! I think she would have a hard time believing that someday she'll write her very own novels. And that people will read them. And people will make a special little place for her characters in their minds. Frankly, I think she'd be awestruck, touched, and saddened that we abandoned writing for a long time but then came back to it. It would be a very sentimental encounter, for sure!

[aqua-grunt-c137]

TW: Self-Harm, Suicide

“I’m telling you, Gaz, I’m serious. I need your help on this.”

“What you’re asking is insane, I wouldn’t even know where to start”

“You’re good at figuring things out, I’ll leave you the handbook and I’m sure you can take things from there.”

-

As I walk down the streets of New York, I’m reminded of all the deals I’ve made here. Dancers and singers dreaming of Broadway, brokers tryin’ to hit it big on the stock game, everyone wants something and nowhere is it more present than the Big Apple. So how does this guy want nothin’?

I walk into the apartment building and climb to 14th floor. Normally I’d take the elevator, but being here on angel business means not freakin’ people out with the whole ‘empty elevator’ gag. I get to 1417 and phase through the door, I won’t get into the gruesomes but let’s just say he needed something to snap him out of it. I cause the belt to break and he falls to the floor, gasping for air as I start to undo the buckle. “Paulie, kid,” I say sympathetically as he tries to figure out what’s goin’ on.

“Who the Hell are you?” He asks.

“Bingo, kid” I reply

I won’t lie that I’m a little intimidating at first glance. 7 foot tall, greyish-green complexion, and some pretty gnarly hooves. I wish I could say that was the worst of it, but people’s attention is usually drawn to what most refer to as a ‘gaping maw’ in my stomach. I take offense to that as I usually keep it closed around those who ain’t used to it, but imagine having to keep your pinky curled into your hand 24/7, it ain’t exactly a reflex.

“Are you a monster? Am I dreaming? Am-am I dead?” Paulie stutters

“Not a monster, just your standard demon.”

“A demon? Are you going to drag me to hell?” The kid says, quakin’ in his boots.

“You got lucky kid, not today. Sit down and let’s have a chat.”

He sits on his stained sofa and rubs his temples trying to make everything make sense.

“So here’s the deal. I am Rol’gazul, your guardian angel-“

“But you’re a demon?” He asks, confused

“Yeah, it’s a long story, but I’m here on angel business and I don’t like to mix up terms. You’ve had it rough kid. I’ve gone through your file and there’s some pretty dark stuff. Between your mother passing when you were 5 and you’re dad never being that emotionally available, I understand why you been strugglin’.”

“Yeah, it’s been hard, never feeling like anybody’s been there for me.”

“Your feelings are valid, kid, but this ain’t the way to go about fixin’ it. Trust me when I say that your time on earth is precious, a lot of people don’t get that.”

“I’ve heard it all before, Rol’gazul.” He brushes me off.

“Yeah, but have you ever heard it from someone who knows what comes next?”

“I guess not” he says as he sits back.

“You got a lot of stuff left to do here, trust me, you’re young and in the city of opportunity-“

“The city of rent hikes and wage cuts.” He butts in.

“Fair, but I looked at your file and you got quite a few opportunities coming your way kid.”

“Like what?” He crosses his arms

“I’m really not at liberty to say. Not supposed to give away the future and all, but there’s a certain special someone you’re supposed to meet on the subway soon.”

“Wait, really?” His eyes light up

“Yeah, but there’s a few stipulations.”

“What? You want my soul?” He asks

“No, no, nothin’ like that. Angel business, ‘member? There’s some recommended guidelines for how to come back from this little episode. First off, you gotta take better care of yourself kid, you got childhood trauma and a chemical imbalance in your head. So look into getting a therapist and a psych, getting on some meds and starting to work through on your stuff.”

“Okay, I think I can do that.”

“Next, you’re gonna wanna work on a little self-improvement. You got a few talents you can monetize. I know you haven’t DMed since high school, but I’ve met a lot of folks who would wanna run your campaigns themselves, so take some time for self-care and when you’re ready, dip back into some Pathfinder, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan” he says, a little half smile finally breaking his frown.

“You know what to do kid, I’ll be around if you need me.” I tell him as I head out the door.

You are a demon, one of the top ranked ones at that. One day you get a call from an angel you used to be friends with. “Look, i hate to ask this, but i trust you. Can you cover for me for a couple years?” The Guardian Angel asks.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 7: Finals and Final Week in Dublin

Hello, hello! Declan McGrath is back to tell you all what has happened in the final week of the Big 10 STEM Physics and Irish History Program at UCD Dublin. Oh man this is gonna be a tough one to write. As I begin to write this post I am currently sitting alone in my dorm listening to sad songs and reminiscing about everything that has happened in these last few weeks. Most of the people I have been hanging out with during this entire trip are on their flights home right now and the rest are packing. However! I still gotta finish telling you all about my Pisa and Paris trip. 

When I last left off on this blog I was completely exhausted and boarding a flight to go to France. The flight was fairly uneventful, we got up pretty early so we pretty much all slept on the plane to make up for it. When we finally landed in France we were struggling pretty much immediately. See, Italy was a lot more English-speaker friendly; most signs were in Italian and English and a lot of times we were greeted in English. France had no such luxuries. We wandered around the airport trying to find where we could get a taxi to the train station after failing to call an Uber. Eventually, we managed to find one who almost immediately took a detour back to, what we assume to be, his house to help his wife get out of their driveway. He left us in the taxi with the meter still running while he helped her. He honestly must have just picked us out as easy marks to make some extra money while helping his wife because we did end up paying for that entire thing.

We did make it to the train station in time to catch our train to Paris, despite this detour. The train ride was over an hour long. Did I use this time wisely to study for my two upcoming final exams? Nope! I read a book and looked at the views from the window :)

We hopped off our original train to catch a different train for our first stop of our Paris trip: Musée d’Orsay. This museum was absolutely full of the most beautiful art I have ever seen in my life. There were paintings with more detail than you could ever dream of someone fitting on a single canvas, giant statues that towered over us, and metalworks that shone brightly. We spent hours here, just wandering from room to room, admiring all of the gorgeous artworks.

One of the most famous things housed here were collections of Vincent van Gogh’s and Claude Monet’s paintings. These works were stunning. It was incredible to see these original works of art that have inspired and entranced so many people for over a century now.

After a while, the exhaustion from the past three days of travel wore me down and I took a seat in a room with some nice paintings to look at as I recuperated. There was one painting of these beautiful ice glaciers with the most amazing deep blues that I really liked. As I was admiring this painting I noticed from the corner of my eye that someone had started drawing me. I thought that being chosen to be the subject of someone’s artwork while being surrounded by literally some of the most amazing art to have been created was a once in a lifetime opportunity so I sat and posed stoically for a while, admiring the art around me while moving as little as possible. No words were exchanged between the two of us, just a silent agreement made. After a short time the artist came over and showed me the final product and I was astounded. I really love this drawing.

We talked for a little after that before we had to part ways and it was onto my group’s next destination. Unfortunately, we did have enough time in the day to visit and enjoy all the places we wanted to visit so a couple of our trips were just cursory viewings of the outside of spots. One such place was the Louvre. When we arrived at the museum it was just about to close for the night so we only took a couple pictures outside the famous glass pyramid before moving on.

The next spot we visited was the Arc de Triomphe. This massive arch was covered in beautiful carvings that awed us all. 

Our next stop was our hostel finally. We had been on our feet pretty much all day and were dead tired and we promptly collapsed into our beds.

The next morning we slept in for a good long while, which was absolutely necessary. This was the first morning we had really gotten a decent amount of sleep and we sorely needed it. When we finally did manage to peel ourselves away from our warm, comfy sheets we headed to a bakery called Le Pain Au Naturel. This bakery had a life-changing chocolate and almond croissant. I don’t think I can properly put into words how amazing this croissant was. I was nigh moved to tears by its flavors.

After that revolutionary experience we headed to the Paris Catacombs. We descended these spiral stairs that seemed to go on and on forever. Every time I thought we had reached the bottom there would be more stairs waiting for me like some kind of twisted human-sized hamster wheel. Eventually, we made it to the bottom and began to make our way through the claustrophobic tunnels. It was about this time that I began to be very thankful that we had another private hostel room and were able to leave our backpacks behind as the tunnels kept getting narrower and narrower and shorter and shorter. There were multiple times that I had to duck down to avoid hitting my head on some protruding rock. As we traveled down the tunnels, our footsteps echoing down the winding corridors, water dripped onto our heads and I began to realize how truly far underground we were. There was absolutely no signal down here and could be incredibly dark in some places.

After marching through the tunnels for about 20 minutes we finally reached the entrance to the Catacombs, marked by the passage “ARRETE! C’EST ICI L’EMPIRE DE LA MORT” (Halt! This is the empire of the dead). We stepped through the threshold and were instantly enclosed with death. Every single wall was hidden behind stacks of femurs, ribs, and dozens upon dozens of skulls. It is pretty hard to describe the feeling of being surrounded by so much demise so far underground but it was unique. It wasn’t scary per se. I knew this area was incredibly well mapped out and there was no real danger of getting lost or trapped but it was still very off-putting.

In addition to bones, there were also quotes on the wall in both Latin and French. It was about this time that I really started wishing I had paid more attention to my Latin classes in high school but there was no changing that now (and certainly no Google translating this far underground now). I wish I could show you all some photos from the Catacombs but I have no idea what tumblr’s policy on showing pictures of dead people is and I’d rather not get my post taken down.

Eventually we ascended the stairs and were greeted by light. Not sunlight, mind you, the fluorescent lights of the gift shop. There was some pretty cool stuff there and I bought about $40 worth of iron-on patches for my jacket. In addition to this little shopping spree we also lightened the somber mood by going back to Le Pain Au Naturel for another amazing croissant. 

We next went to a park called the Luxembourg Garden. The park was filled with amazing statues and flower beds.

Near the gardens there was also a large house with a fountain out in the front. The fountain was full of small sailboats with various country’s flags on them. The boats could be rented from a nearby stand along with a short pole that was used to upright the boats if they got stuck on the wall.

Finally we decided to go get some traditional French crepes. We found a place called the “La Crepe Rit Du Clown”. True to its name, the creperie was filled with creepy clown statues. Why did they choose this as their theme for the restaurant? I will never know. But the crepes were amazing! I ordered a crepe with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, toasted almonds, and a fried pear. Because I had literally eaten nothing but sugary foods for the entire day, I split my crepe with my friend Brennen in exchange for half of his ham and egg crepe. Both of the crepes were absolutely phenomenal. The clowns could have come alive like some kind of messed up haunted house for all I cared as long as I got to finish my crepes.

Then we were back on the train heading to the Palace of Versailles. The Palace was absolutely beautiful. It shone with gold roofs and fences and was decorated to the nines. We took a tour of the inside seeing all of the amazing paintings and sculptures and history housed within its immense walls. As a Greek mythology nerd, I absolutely loved all of the rooms in the Palace that were themed around specific Greek gods.

We hopped back on a train and headed back to the hostel for a little bit for some rest as one of our friends had to do some work for her job. By this time the sun had set but we still had one more place we had to visit before the night was over. We hopped back on the train once again (we spent so much money on train tickets, I really wish they had a day pass or something like that) to see the monument that we had seen multiple times passing in the distance. Finally, we emerged from the subway tunnels and saw it, all lit up in all its glory: the Eiffel Tower.

The massive tower loomed over us (thank you thesaurus.com for that synonym of “towered”). The immense metal pillar was decorated with shining lights and decorated for the Olympic games. We took some pictures underneath the tower and then found a seat underneath the tower where we could watch the light show. We managed to arrive just in time to watch the 11:00 PM show and it was really cool! The whole thing had already been glowing but now it was twinkling (oooh… aaaaah).

The next morning was our last day in Paris so that meant it was time for a lot of walking to see as many sights as we could. We started off by walking to Sainte Chapelle. Sainte Chapelle was a chapel with some of the most beautiful stained glass windows I have ever seen in my entire life. The sun streamed through the windows, lighting up the room in a kaleidoscope of bright colors. The windows also depicted various scenes from the Old Testament of the Bible which were pretty cool to see and try to figure out which scenes I could recognize.

Next up was Notre Dame. We only had a passing glance at this historic cathedral as it was still undergoing reconstruction due to the fire a couple years ago (holy cow that was 2019 that is wild, I feel old now). It was still pretty cool to see even if it was surrounded by cranes and such.

You want to know what’s really cool after seeing two churches? A third church. Specifically, we visited Basilique du Sacré Coeur which was up a very very steep, tall hill which was devastating for our tired legs and feet. The trek was well worth it as at the top we were greeted with a panoramic view of a large portion of the city. The basilica itself was pretty amazing too with incredibly detailed paintings and sculptures inside. 

Sacré Coeur was the last sightseeing spot we went to as we now had a train to catch. On our way Allie fulfilled her lifelong goal of buying and eating a baguette in France.

It was about when we got on the train that I realized I should probably start studying for my final exams as our first one was the next day and I was in an entirely different country with only a couple hastily made notes. I spent the train ride to the airport reading the course’s history book and taking notes. I had not actually brought my own book on this trip and was borrowing Allie’s so I really had to finish my notes before the train ride ended which I mostly did (sans some minor details like specific dates, proper spelling, and important figures). 

We made it to the airport unscathed but the same could not be said for our flight to Dublin. In the last few minutes of the flight I rubbed my itching nose which for some reason signaled my nose that now was a perfect time to start gushing blood. My nose was of course wrong (really the only proper time to get a nosebleed is when you’re performing really intense telekinesis) and I had no tissues to stop the bleeding. I did however have my history notebook! I managed to tear a blank page out of the notebook and use it momentarily to stop the bleeding. I would like to point out that even though we were flying at night and the cabin was dark I was able to accomplish all of this without bleeding on anyone else and managing to only lightly smear the notes I had taken on the train with blood. When the plane finally landed I stumbled off the plane with a pocket full of bloody notebook paper and a face that looked like a vampire who only sort of knew what he was doing.

We rushed through Dublin customs (my face covered in drying blood and my nose still leaking, though now staunched with a tissue) and managed to show up to the bus stop five minutes after our bus back to UCD had already left. It was midnight at this point and the next bus wouldn’t be coming for another hour and our first final exam was in about 10 hours. That meant it was time for more studying at the bus stop, for everyone else that is. I was kind of loopy from slight blood loss and exhaustion so I spent the next hour just kind of wandering around and talking to people after I found a bathroom to clean myself in. Our bus finally arrived at five minutes to 1 and we managed to make it back to UCD at 2 AM, 8 hours before our final exam. 

You know? It probably wasn’t the smartest idea to have our flight land the same day as our final exam but in our defense the earlier flight was about $100 more expensive so I would say that it was a pretty smart financial decision but maybe not the brightest academic decision. I managed to get some more studying in on the bus ride back and did really well on the exam! We had been given six topics beforehand for this history exam and were told to study two which made things pretty easy. I managed to succinctly answer the two questions in two four page essays. 

At this point it was Tuesday, I was exhausted from traveling and I still had a physics exam to study for for the next day so I did the most reasonable thing I could think of. I took a nap. I tried, I really did, to study for the exam before napping but my brain was mush. I awoke from my nap and then spent the rest of the day studying for the exam.

The physics exam went pretty well as well! I had managed to cover most of the exam material before collapsing into my bed at midnight and I walked out of the exam confident I had done well and passed the class (though at this point I physically could not have failed the class as I needed negative points on it to fail but hey I am nothing if not an overachiever). 

That meant that we were done with all the coursework for the program and still had three more days left in the program before we got kicked out of our housing. It was time to have some more fun. After another quick power nap and dinner to get our energy back we headed to the UCD Student Bar for trivia night. Almost every single week we had tried and failed to win trivia night and this time… was no different. It wasn’t even close, we lost so bad y’all. 

However! The time had finally come for me to finally rid myself of the curse of the pancakes (for those tuning into this blog for the first time, hi, I promise I am a normal human being I just bought a lot of flour to make pancakes one time and have been desperately trying to not waste food so I just keep making pancakes over and over again). I had enough flour for 3.5 batches of pancakes and enough hungry college students to eat that much. I made chocolate pancakes, mixed berry pancakes, chocolate chip and mixed berry pancakes, marshmallow pancakes,  and chocolate chip and marshmallow pancakes. My friends also made scrambled eggs and bacon. It was a veritable feast and was also one of my favorite nights on the entire trip. We devoured the pancakes, played some games, and just talked.

The next morning was the first day of the end of the program without any classes or exams so we all slept in pretty late. It was Thursday and as most people were leaving Friday morning that meant a good portion of the day was spent packing after a farewell event organized by UCD. Once everyone was finished with their packing we played a game of Jeopardy that Brennen had put together with categories based around things that happened during the program. It was a really fun time.

After we finished Jeopardy we went back to my apartment one last time to end the night in the same way we ended most nights, a game of cards. It was a sweet, melancholic ending to the program as a whole. We had all become such close friends over these past seven weeks and none of us really wanted it to end but at the same time we were all missing home something fierce. As one last thing we all began signing posters that we had all gotten at the farewell event and suddenly more and more people began showing up in my apartment. The apartment I lived in was on the ground floor so as people walked by they could see in and see us hanging out and saying goodbye and just decided to join in. By the end, our posters were absolutely covered in signatures and the night slowly came to a close as one by one people shuffled out of the apartment and back to their own to sleep. 

The next morning pretty much everyone was gone. There had been a slight miscommunication between UMich and the other schools as Michigan told us our housing a day later than all the other universities told their students so there were only about seven people from the nearly 70 original people of the program left on campus, myself included. It was pretty weird walking to the dining hall for our last meals and seeing it almost completely empty. I spent most of the rest of the day packing and getting ready for my flight back home that day. I wanted to have like a really sentimental moment where I watched the last sunset I might ever see in Ireland but Irish weather decided “nah, it’s gonna be cloudy all day” so I kind of just wandered around campus at 9 PM, looking at all the sights I had become so used to seeing for the past weeks. I wrote a little of this blog and then went to sleep.

The journey home went off without a hitch. There was no catastrophic nosebleed this time and I managed to get some shuteye (despite the crying child in the seat in front of me). I landed in Canada where I met my dad and we began the drive back home to Michigan.

Well, I guess that’s it. This post is nearly 4000 words long and I have reached tumblr's limit for photos I can include in one post. I honestly do not know how to end this blog post. I am laying in my bed at home, I’ve got my dog next to me as well as a box of tissues (I am not crying I just got sick pretty much immediately after landing and have a horrible stuffy nose). Don’t fret though dear readers! I still have one more blog post to write next week as a post-trip reflection but until then, I’ll see you around.

Declan McGrath 

Mechanical Engineering

Big 10 STEM Physics and Irish History Program at UCD Dublin

[firstclassent]

[Interview] Tiffany Takeda opens up on High Low podcast

Fresh from her AVN performance, Tiffany Takeda broke her silence by sitting down for an exclusive interview with Emily Ratakowski's High Low podcast.

On her upbringing in France and becoming a K-pop idol:

"I grew up in Marseille and my mother would always put me in beauty pageants and dance competitions. She was really strict and wanted me to be perfect in every way. She was a singer when she was younger and dreamed of going to Eurovision but she fell pregnant with me right before signing a record deal. My dad is Christian and wouldn't let her get an abortion, so she lost the deal and then blamed me for it. She always resented my existence, but I think she also viewed me as a way to live out her dreams vicariously. My goal was to transfer to a performing arts school in New York and pursue professional ballet, but my dad is Korean and introduced my mom to K-pop and she thought I'd have more chance making it as an idol because I'm so pretty, so she sent me off to Seoul to train and then I got signed pretty quickly after that."

On being exploited in K-pop:

"The entire K-pop industry is built on exploitation and I think my group experienced the worst of it. Our agency was small so we had to do crazy things to stand out. One of the first ad campaigns I got was for Marc Jacobs footwear and I had to pose naked in nothing but the brand's shoes. My bandmate, who was raised in America, did a nude PETA endorsement. It was crazy. We were looked at more as foreign artists rather than Korean, so we got marketed like Britney and Christina did. They wanted us to be really sexy and provocative all the time. You couldn't get away with it now because the industry has changed so much and artists have more rights. Even though we hated it, it helped us become really successful, but also caused a lot of backlash that still exists to this day. No matter how much we achieve we still get hate comments for everything we do in Korea. At one point we even started working in Japan and China just to get away from it all."

On her horrifying experience with Playboy:

"My bandmate Suzy posed for Playboy first and it was a huge hit, so they wanted me to do it next. Because I had a retro image at the time they came up with a plan for me to crossover into the US market by recreating a classic Marilyn Monroe pictorial. I agreed, but I was adamant that I'd be fully clothed and we'd keep it tasteful and classy. I went to Hugh Hefner's mansion to shoot it with my old manager, Trina and as soon as I got there Hef and Trina were trying to convince me to show more skin but I refused. We had a huge fight about it and I threatened to pull the plug on the entire shoot. They told me to go wait in one of the bedrooms to cool off, and said that once I calmed down we could do the shoot how I wanted. They gave me some green tea to relax me, and after that everything is a blur. I can barely remember the shoot, but I know some bad things happened. Anyway, when the photos came out I was completely topless - I was so embarrassed. To make it even worse, I had to promote the issue in Las Vegas and on the Howard Stern show. I smiled through the pain and pretended that I was proud of it, but I wasn't."

Why she returned to Playboy as a creator and director:

"For me, the decision to partner with Playboy was about taking my power back. Hef is dead now, god rest his soul, and they have new owners now. Once they approached me to replace Cardi B and explained how empowering their new creator platform is, I was sold. For the first time in my career I was able to monetize myself on my own terms with full control. There's nobody to direct me or pressure me or exploit me. I've even put out music through my Playboy page and I was able to experiment with new sounds and lyrics that I can't do in Asia. As far as my career goes this has opened up so many new doors, but on an emotional level I've been able to heal past traumas."

On finding financial freedom:

"I can't say how much I've made on Playboy but I will say it's the most lucrative thing that I've ever done. Me and my group were taken advantage of financially throughout our entire careers, you wouldn't believe how bad it's been. Almost every label we've been a part of has ripped us off, including the last label we were with, P Nation. We ran our own independent agency for a while but the overhead was so expensive that we barely broke even. Even before we debuted we had to do crazy things for money as trainees. I also lost millions on a lingerie line I had after my business partner scammed me. This is all very common for the idol industry, but we had it worse because of our old managers. There was actually an Italian girl that used to be in our group, but after she was fired she ended up on Skid Row. Jessica recently saw her back in Seoul and said she was begging for money and wanted to do a comeback tour, it was really sad. We wanted to help her out but we've had to enforce boundaries because she was kicked out for bullying... Anyway, thanks to Playboy I've paid off all my debts and started to invest in property, and Jessica has a big partnership with Amazon. We also sold the rights to our entire catalogue to Hybe, so financially we've all never been better."

Her next career move:

"Right now I'm just settling into my new life in Hollywood. I'm putting myself first which I've never done before. I have a lot of offers on the table but I have no idea what I want to do. Maybe I'll launch a Vegas show, write a book, I don't know. I have a lot of stories to share..."

[maxismatchccworld]

Patch Notes

Update 9/7/2021

PC: 1.79.93.1030 / Mac: 1.79.93.1230

Console: Version 1.47

Hello Simmers!

We hope you are well wherever you are in the World.

Today, we have a special kind of update! As you now know, this is our first update that fully focuses on a previously released pack, giving it new life if you will. Today is the day for self-care for and with The Sims™ 4 Spa Day!

Spa Day is all about relaxation and getting some well-deserved personal Sim time and wellness. With this update, we are adding some features that will help enhance this wellness experience that we hope you enjoy.

Along with these enhancements, we were also able to fix a few issues that were live and needed some care.

Thanks again for your continued support and feedback!

Chaus!

-SimGuruRusskii

What’s New?

Spa Day Updates

Everyone deserves more time to refresh and more ways to renew! In this update, we added the following:

Three new Aspirations and a new Trait

The path to wellness is long but well worth it! Sims can now opt for three aspirational paths to achieve their own Zen:

Self-Care Specialists - For those Sims who would like to monetize their love of fitness and wellness.

Inner Peace - For the Sims that want to achieve ultimate harmony and learning tools to mitigate their negative emotions.

Zen Guru - For the Sims that want to share the power of wellness with the world…the whole world, for real. They also focus on seeking to train their successor to pass the knowledge along.

In addition to these new Aspirations, we added a new trait for those Sims that require a bit of extra work to keep their needs… properly aligned. High Maintenance will allow your Sims to experience mindful tasks that can help their sense of wellbeing. No trouble is trivial, no need is too much.

You can find these new Aspirations and the new Trait in Create A Sim. And don’t forget the Spa Membership included with these Aspirations - it’s a steal!

Manicures and Pedicures

Some people like having a massage to decompress - a valid option… pretty sure I need one -  but my favorite thing is manicures and pedicures! Hear me out! There is something so relaxing about choosing your design, color, shape, and having someone prettify (yes, it is a word… to me) your nails with the utmost care. Now your Sims can get these nail enhancements or graciously give them to other Sims. You can choose a design, a shape, and voilà! Your Sims’ nails will be as fabulous as they feel!

And if you don’t want to get your nails done by a professional- tight budget, totally get it - Sims will have access to the same options in Create A Sim that you can instantly apply to your Sims nails - it’s like insta nails!! You can pick from a variety of swatches with color combinations, designs, or just a solid color for each fingernail. You can also choose a variety of one solid color choices for your Toenails. You can find them in the Accessories category in Create A Sim, where you will see a Fingernails and Toenails sort with the options.

We want to highlight that in this upgrade to Spa Day we have a design from the wonderful  Ebonix that is featured in Create A Sim! Ebonix is a super talented Sims Creator, and we are happy we can feature one of her designs and share it with everyone.

About Yoga and Meditation

Yoga Classes can now take place outside of Spas and Gyms! You can hire a yoga instructor or teach your own class from the Instructor Yoga Mat. Speaking of teaching, Sims can also lead Guided Meditation sessions from Meditation Stools. Oh, and I don’t want to forget to mention that Children are able to practice and teach both Yoga and Meditation as well!

New Objects, Facial Masks… Oh my!

As part of this update, we also added a few new objects and swatches in Build Mode, these include a new luxurious massage table and a massage chair that can also be used for manicures and pedicures for a full relaxation experience. And as an added bonus, there is a new portable massage chair and table, so your Sims can give massages, manicures, and pedicures on the go to earn some Simoleons.

Besides these, we added as part of your Sims’ self-care routine the ability to purchase and apply Facial Masks. They come in a variety of benefits and designs; for ease of access, we recommend having in your preferred lot the Doc Sweet’s Luke-Warm Mini Dispenser. This mini version of the original refrigerator can hold your favorite beverages in a compact space, but as an added benefit, Sims can purchase Facial Masks from it. By the way, don’t forget to try the new Cucumber Power-Sip and cucumber slices for a tasty snack! Also available with this update.

Base Game Updates

For those who don’t own Spa Day, we wanted to give you a treat as well. For Base Game Simmers we added the nail options for fingernails and toenails in Create A Sim for you to enjoy. Same as mentioned previously, there will be choices under the Fingernails and Toenails sort in Create A Sim, there will be a variety of solid one-color nails and color combination nails available for the Base Game itself.

Bug FixesConsole

We fixed an issue in which some of the controls when players are in the Game Options menus were a little off, it should work correctly now.

The Sims 4

New games should no longer experience the automatic generation of empty households, and the ensuing save size increase and performance lag that this causes. The team is still investigating how to safely fix existing saves that have this issue.

We fixed an issue that affected Custom Content Chairs that when slotted with certain objects it created Sims routing issues.

Sometimes, in certain saves, Sims would lose their names when visiting some Lots - most notoriously the Goth’s Lot but it could happen anywhere. If a Sim has no name… does that Sim exist? I can assure you that the Goths were not involved, but this issue should no longer occur.

Ever had the need to order food or drinks but you just couldn’t be bothered? Been there, however the issue of Sims and NPCs not being able to order food and drinks autonomously has been fixed. Order away!

Have you noticed that your Sims had been doing Fitness things or Dancing if they Disliked those things? Strange no? It should no longer happen as long as they continue to Dislike them of course. As a note, unfortunately (for those affected), Sims are subject to choose music they Dislike still from any stereo so they can still torment other Sims (and Simmers) around them.

We fixed an issue in which the Mega Window (Double Budget Grand Deluxe DeLite) in build Mode was missing a few swatches and displayed them as empty.

Let’s talk about Unibrows! Are they in? Are they out? No matter, every brow is welcome! We have fixed an issue that didn’t make the thicker unibrow available for female frame Sims and that didn’t make the thinner unibrow available for male frame Sims. So all the unibrows for both frames!

Did you ever notice an invisible slot under the All of the Things table? We sure did, and while I think that if it is called “all of the things” it could have all the things, everywhere… I guess? This was not acceptable so we fixed that.

Get to Work

The hairstyle yfHair_EP01TwistLow has been tagged correctly in the Updo Hairstyle category. Is it still an Updo even if the bun is low and not up high? These are the questions I ponder sometimes.

Eco Lifestyle

If you noticed the Community Voting Board missing from venues across packs in Build Mode, never fear. It has been found and should be safely back in Build Mode.

Dream Home Decorator

Ever had such good-looking décor that you can’t just sleep because you have to look at it? As much as we want your Sims to love their décor and their style, we thought it was a bit too much that they would not sleep and just look at it, so this should no longer happen.

[honorhearted]

Despite the surly mask Francesca initially donned, she surprised him when her features melded into a bright laugh, the sound reminiscent of wind chimes on a warm summer day. "Well the fridge is stacked, so help yourself," she offered. "I don't really tend to drink unless there's a drinking game involved, which actually happens fairly often when my sisters and I are trapped in a hotel for too long."

Ben snorted. "I can't tell if you're being polite, or if you're trying to ply me with liquor. Either way, I think I'll hold off for now...unless there's some root beer in there." Holding up a hand, he said, "I know, I know: I seem like I'm overreacting, but it's imperative that I stay sharp."

He didn't wish to damper the unexpected shift with talk of her stalker again, but it would always be the proverbial elephant in the room. In fact, Ben was, as well, given his role as her appointed protector. He couldn't very well just drink and risk lowering his inhibitions -- not unless he wanted Anthony breathing down his neck about it.

"I wanted to be an astronaut when I was really little," Francesca said, recapturing the earlier mood. "I loved the idea of going to other planets and being so close to the stars, but I guess it wasn't meant to be."

"Well, according to a Fanforum page, some people genuinely do believe you're an alien," Ben offered, "so perhaps your alter-ego got the chance?" Chuckling, he amended, "Actually, I think you were categorized as one of those 'lizard people' instead...but my statement still stands."

"I think I'd be pretty terrible at it anyway -- Were your parents supportive of your palaeontology dreams?"

"How come? Not a fan of gravity?" With a lopsided smile, Ben lowered his eyes again and nodded. "My parents were arguably too supportive," he said, "because they bought me anything dinosaur or fossil-related they could find. I remember walking around wearing one of those godawful bucket hats, quizzing all of our neighbors on varying factoids. A couple of them moved not long after that, so I can't help but wonder if I was somehow responsible."

Francesca brightened. "Monet is my favourite too."

Ben laughed. "Okay, now I know you're messing with me...there's no way that we have this in common, too."

"I'd love to go to Normandy where he painted most of his oils - He makes the world look remarkable, doesn't he? It feels a world away from the street we've just come from."

"You've never been?" he asked, surprised. "I'm sorry, perhaps that was ignorant to ask...it's just, you seem like you're granted just about everything your heart desires. Did your family never book a show in Normandy?" Expression softening, Ben nodded at her query. "Yeah...though you put it far more poetically than I ever could. As someone who's witnessed plenty of 'ugly' out there, it's nice to be reminded that there's a lot of beauty, too."

"Francesca."

For a moment, Ben was genuinely thrown by her remark, his mouth opening as he searched her eyes for clarification.

"Its not Miss Bridgerton -- Its Francesca."

"Oh...so no Fran, then?" Even though his kneejerk reaction had been to make a quip, his expression was warmer, softer, and he had to admit he was flattered that she trusted him enough to allow a hint of familiarity. The higher-ups always encouraged this level of rapport, but Ben hadn't been treating this as an assignment. In fact, ever since his arrival, he'd done everything in his power to try and shirk said responsibility, but now...well...perhaps this wasn't a punishment, after all.

"Ben," he finally offered. "My dad calls me Benjamin, so I guess if you're mad at me, that can be the address you prefer, but...my friends call me Ben." He chuckled. "They call me lots of things I'd rather not repeat, but that at least seems suitable as our start."

"And is that a good thing or a bad thing? Given your status, I'm assuming you love your brothers. So in that case... Thank you, Your Majesty, for bestowing upon me the highest of honours."

She supposed it wasn't either of those things, judging by the fact that he would likely never hang around with her brothers outside of a professional setting. They could be good fun when they wanted to be, but would they show that side of themselves with the man protecting their sister? Maybe Colin, but he didn't have much of a filter anyway.

"Then I guess its too bad you only have me," she quipped, although she wouldn't be able to stop Daphne and Eloise from hanging around -- That was the deal when cementing your success and career with your sisters. "Hopefully I'm not too terrible to socialise with."

"My 'socializing' tends to be with people I serve and protect. For what it's worth, you're the least grating person I've had to aid in months. The prettiest, too, but that's not much of a competition, seeing how my last guy had age spots, dentures, and an ill-fitting toupee."

Surprising herself with a bright laugh, Francesca nodded towards the mini fridge nestled in the corner - Their own makeshift bar. "Well the fridge is stacked, so help yourself. I don't really tend to drink unless there's a drinking game involved, which actually happens fairly often when my sisters and I are trapped in a hotel for too long."

As Ben spoke of his childhood and the dinosaurs that he so loved, Francesca found herself holding onto each word with a soft fondness in her gaze. She so adored listening to stories, laughing quietly as she pictured his mother's exasperation.

"I wanted to be an astronaut when I was really little," she confessed. "I loved the idea of going to other planets and being so close to the stars, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I think I'd be pretty terrible at it anyway -- Were your parents supportive of your palaeontology dreams?"

"Who's your favourite artist? I've always liked Monet...in fact, I did a report on him in third grade."

Nodding in agreement, Francesca's smile never wavered, wondering how the two of them had gone from mindless bickering to... well, this. She hadn't spoken to anyone like this is so long, it felt almost wrong to let her guard down.

"Monet is my favourite too. I'd love to go to Normandy where he painted most of his oils - He makes the world look remarkable, doesn't he? It feels a world away from the street we've just come from."

"I know this is just a job, but I also believe in basic human decency. I wouldn't be in this job if I was interested in making a quick buck. And you're not...y-you're not just... I can't even pretend to understand -- I don't -- but I imagine it's difficult knowing who you can trust, and who really, genuinely wants to be your friend. And although I'm sure this will come off as trite B.S., I hope you know you can trust me. I'm here to protect you, and leaking your secrets would do the exact opposite of that. I'd never intentionally endanger your life."

It was sweet, the way that he was so quick to defend, and yet Francesca's lips parted to reassure him that she had not meant it as an offense -- If only the words would release. For a moment after his speech, she sat, chewing on her lip as she considered what else could be said. 'Thank you'? 'Don't worry about it'?

"Francesca," she eventually said, blue eyes on blue in silent comradery. "Its not Miss Bridgerton -- Its Francesca."

[13-reasons-ideas]

requests are still open yay! MontyxOc, Oc dated Monty a year ago.. things didn’t quite work out but her & Monty maintained a close friendship some say a little too close for ex’s. She stared dating (any one of the guys) but Monty continued to flirt with her she wasn’t stopping him either, She feels bad & tells Monty to stop flirting & trying to get with her... He doesn’t she starts to get fed up and on a class trip they argue over it.. the argument however ends much differently (smut)

A/N: This story contains SMUT. DNI if under 18. 18+ only. This is a long one you guys. Definitely bring a snack and a cup of tea to read it. I’m sorry if the spacing is weird. I can’t to hear what you have to say about it! Feedback is appreciated and much love as always. - Em

Friends Don’t 

I met Monty in the park. Things had been different between us recently. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He turned in my direction. I sat on a picnic table and watched him for a few minutes. He seemed like he wanted to say something but didn’t know how.

“What’s going on in that hot head of yours?”

“I don’t know. I don’t… I don’t want to mess everything up.”

“Well how will you know if you do, if you don’t take the chance?” I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this Reagan.” Even though I had a feeling, it still felt like a punch in the gut to hear him say it.

“For what?”

“Things to get serious.”

“Who said anything about serious? We are sixteen.”

“I don’t know. Do you want to pretend that I’m ready to date someone? That doesn’t seem very fair to you.”

I shrugged. He has a point. He’s not exactly in a great place right now. “I guess not.” Even though I didn’t want to, I felt tears starting to well up and the familiar prickle in my nose. I blinked a few times because I knew he was right. It just sucked to hear.

“I don’t want to not have you around though.”

“I know. I don’t want to not have you around either. You know me better than anyone. Best friends?”

“Best friends.”

“And if you ever need anything, I’m there. No matter what.”

“Day or night.”

“Always.”

ONE YEAR LATER

Monty and I stayed close. We kept our promise to be best friends. After all, we knew each other better than anyone. We hung out after school and got coffee. He came over and we watched movies. It was almost like we didn’t break up. Almost. For a while after our breakup things were awkward. We hadn’t really figured out where our boundaries were. After some time, we got comfortable again. Some people would say we were a little too close. It didn’t really matter that much to us if we still flirted or finished each other’s sentences.

It didn’t matter, at least until I started spending time with a certain other jock. Zach Dempsey had caught my eye before senior year but there was something about him that was different that September. He was still kind of cruel, but he was trying. He meant well. He just didn’t always know how to go about things in the best way. I knew what being forced to spend extended time with Bryce walker could do to a person. Zach and I had a few classes together over the years. Our friendship started like a lot of friendships did in school. You got stuck sitting next to someone and so you had to decide if you wanted to ignore them for the rest of the semester, or if you wanted to make your semester not suck and play nice.

We decided on the latter that first day of world history. He was late to class and the only empty seat was next to mine. I had spent time around him when Montgomery and I were dating so we were able to at least talk to each other. Our interactions consisted mostly of homework and school stuff for about a month or so. Then, slowly, we started talking about our interests and other things on our way to lunch. On one such walk to lunch, he told me about his dream of becoming a marine biologist.

“Seriously?” I asked him.

“Yeah. It’s cool. Why?”

“I don’t know. I just guess I pegged you as a guy who would want to do the athlete thing and get a business degree in case you didn’t get drafted.”

“Nah. That… that isn’t really in the cards for me.” I nodded.

“I want to go into social work.”

“No way, really?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t elaborate on why I wanted to. That was not my story to share.

“Zachy!” Scott called across the room when we got to the cafeteria.

“I- I should probably get going.” He stammered.

“Yeah. My friends are waiting.” I waved over at Jess and Alex. Zach started to walk away but turned around again.

“Did you want to get a coffee or see a movie sometime?”

“Like, together?”

“I mean, yeah.” He shrugged, trying to play it cool.

“I think I’d like that. Oh, and can you tell Montgomery and Bryce Cheerios is not lunch?” I laughed.

“But they are.”

“I guess we can discuss it over coffee.” I smiled.

“Wednesday after school?”

“Sure.”

I sat at a table with my friends. “So. I’m going on a date.” Jess and Alex looked at me with wide eyes.

“Shit. No way.” Jess smiled.

“Yeah. Zach Dempsey.” I explained, answering their unspoken question.

“Zach is nice.” Alex added.

“And he’s like… really good looking.”

“I know, right?”

“Tall.”

“Very tall.”

“Doesn’t have an anger problem.” Jess muttered under her breath. My smile faltered. I looked up and Monty’s eyes were on me. My phone vibrated. Cheerios is lunch pretty girl. I rolled my eyes. Zach said he has a date. Wouldn’t happen to be a certain girl in his world history class, would it?

I’ll give you details after. And why do you care?

On Wednesday I got a ride with Justin and Clay to school. My car was in the shop for maintenance and my house was on the way from theirs. After school, Zach drove me to Monet’s. I got to ride shotgun in the Audi. The wind feels different. Maybe it’s because this car costs more than my education will. He was a safe driver, I noticed. Soon, we had parked outside the cozy little café. We didn’t hold hands on the way inside.

Inside, I ordered a hot chocolate, and he got a cup of tea. “You like pomegranate?” I asked when we sat down.

“Yeah. It’s tart.”

“It’s pretty good. One of my favourite tea flavours.” We made small talk for a while. I wasn’t sure when the last time he had been on a date was. I hadn’t been on a real date since Monty and I broke up last year.

“Your opinion on Cheerios is wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Yeah. It’s lunch food. Or breakfast food. Hell, even dinner food.” I shook my head.

“I will never understand boys.” He laughed and picked up his spoon. “What are you doing?”

“Just watch.” He breathed on the spoon and tried to balance it on his nose. I giggled and it stuck for maybe three seconds before falling to the table. I burst out laughing.

“Can I try?” I picked up my own spoon.

“Go for it.”

“Okay, okay how do I do this?”

Zach reached over and took the spoon, holding it in front of my mouth. “Breath on it.” I did. “Now before it dries, take it, and place it on the end of your nose.” I did as he said. It fell instantly.

“Try again?” He waved. I tried again and it fell, yet again. “One more. I think I know the spot now.”

“Go on.” This time, I was able to get it to balance for four seconds. “Does this make me champion?”

“Sure. Until we have rematch.”

“A rematch you say?”

“Yes.”

“I look forward to it. Mostly so I can win again.” I smirked slightly. We spent the next couple of hours just talking to each other about stuff. Mrs. Dempsey called him home around five.

“Yeah Mom. I’m just out with the guys going over some plays. I’ll be home soon.”

“I take it I’m getting my refill to go?”

“Yeah. It seems that way. I’ll drive you home.”

We went on like that for the next few weeks. We would meet for coffee or meet up to see a movie. Go for walks in the park or by the docks. It was nice. Different than what Montgomery and I had, but it was a welcome change. We went public at school before we decided to tell our parents. My parents weren’t exactly ecstatic about me dating in my senior year and I knew how his mom felt about girls in his life. I was still talking to Monty. All the while, we had kept up the flirty banter we had started a few weeks after our breakup. Zach didn’t seem to mind much. “Good morning Beautiful.” He said as he walked over to my locker that morning.

“Hey 85.” I smiled brightly at him.

“You look very cute.”

“Why thank you kind gentleman.” I grabbed my bag off the floor and shoved my geometry book in it. Zach threw his arm around my shoulders as he walked me to class. I rested my head against him and we chatted about our night.

“So, you guys are public now.” Monty said, walking up to us with Charlie in tow.

“That’s really cute.” Charlie said.

“Yes.” I smiled. I felt Monty’s eyes traveling my body and I couldn’t help the blush that crept up my neck.

“Yeah.” Zach said.

“That’s great.” Monty replied. When we walked away, he called out, “I’ll see you around Reagan.”

I turned and called back to him, “yes you will.”

In the following few days, Monty kept up with the flirting. I didn’t stop it. I found it kind of amusing. “Going to harp on my lunch choices again Rea?”

“No. You’re an adult. I trust you to make proper choices.”

“Now, Reagan. You should know I’ve never been good with proper.” I rolled my eyes. Oh, I know.

“Seems to have done you pretty well so far. How’s… uh… collarbone tattoo?”

“Katie?”

“Sure.” He merely shrugged.

“How’s Zachy?”

“Zach is good.” Zach said, sitting down at the table. I swatted Monty’s hand away when he reached for a cookie.

“And you should know by now to not touch my food Montgomery.”

“Oh. She full named you. What’s it like to be called out by your ex like that, man?” Bryce asked.

“You don’t get a cookie either Bryce.”

“Reagan.” He held his hand up to his chest. “You wound me.”

“That’s sad for you.” I shrugged. Zach turned to me and shot me a megawatt smile.

“Do I get a cookie?” I thought for a moment.

“You can get half a cookie.”

“It’s half more than I had before.”

“I’m his best friend. Can I have the other half?” Justin asked when he sat down.

“No. My cookies.”

“I’ll trade you my Milky Way for that half.”

“No.” I laughed. “You’re sure you’re okay to come to my place later?” I asked Zach.

“Yeah. It’s just your parents. Parents like me.”

“Did he just say ‘just your parents’?” Monty looked at me with wide eyes. I shrugged. “Reagan.”

“Monty.”

“Your dad threatened to shoot me.”

“My parents never really liked you though.”

“Gee, I wonder what gave you that impression?”

“What would have?” Charlie asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe when her dad threatened to shoot me.”

“Parents don’t like you. They’ll love me.” Zach beamed.

“They don’t like you because you ruined their daughter.” Bryce laughed. Again, I shrugged. Can’t really argue with him there. Monty merely smirked, proudly. Ugh men.

“Anyway. You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. And can you remind me again why we sit here?”

“You get to see me.” Monty chuckled.

“No. No I don’t think that’s why.”

“Hurtful.”

**

In the few months after Zach and I started dating, his mom had come around to the idea of me being in his life. I spent time at his house, mostly working on homework or helping May with hers. It was tense at first but she came around eventually. Once she realized I only wanted what was best for her son. My parents were getting more used to the idea of me dating again. They saw how we interacted and seemed to approve more than they did with Monty. I had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with the fact that I wasn’t emptying the first aid kit my mom kept stocked every month or so.

Monty and I were still close. He had recently started seeing a girl named Kyla. I wasn’t sure how serious it was but figured it could be good for him. It didn’t stop him from flirting with me though.

“Good morning gorgeous.”

“Good morning Montgomery. Good night?” I laughed.

“Of course.”

“How was your date with Kyla?” I asked.

“It was good. She cooked for me.”

“That’s nice. Was it good?” Charlie asked, adjusting his bag on his shoulder.

“I mean, sure. Some kind of spinach something or other?”

“You hate spinach.” I said.

“Yes. And you hate tha-.” Monty started. I saw Zach walking towards us.

“Shhhh.” I cut him off. “Hey babe.”

“Hey beautiful.” Zach pulled me into a hug and placed a kiss on my head. “How was dinner at Alex’s last night?”

“It was good. His mom let me bring contraband in the house.”

“Contraband?” Bryce asked.

“He’s not allowed to have junk food.” Charlie explained.

“Something about healthy body healthy mind or something.”

“She’s not wrong Rea.” Zach said.

“I know but still. Let the kid have a candy bar once in a while. It won’t hurt him.”

“He prefers sour patch kids.”

“I know.” The bell rang and interrupted us. I sighed heavily and took Zach’s hand. He walked me to math and kissed me on the cheek as he left. I smiled brightly at his retreating form.

Monty texted me in math. As I was saying, you hate that you and Zach haven’t fucked yet. Have you even gotten to second base yet?

None of your god damn business.

I’ll take that as a no. Don’t worry. It’ll happen eventually. I could get Charlie to get Alex to talk to him. Or you could let me talk to him.

No!

What? You don’t want me to tell him all your dirty little secrets?

I swear to God, De la Cruz. I will wring your neck in your sleep.

You’d be doing my dad a favour. You’d at least get past the front door.

I’d wring his first. Now stop texting me and learn some shit.

Fine.

Zach sat with Alex, Jess, and I at lunch. Kyla was sitting with Monty. I got the impression that she didn’t really like me all that much. In order to avoid a catfight-as much as I think the boys would like to see it- I found it best not to sit with them when she was around. Plus, it gave me a bit of a break from all the sports talk I had to pretend to care about. I shared my granola with Jess. Alex ‘stole’ my gummy bears. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I had the other bag in history. Zach kept my little secret. I felt him watching me out of the corner of his eye. He was talking to Alex about some video game. Jess and I rolled our eyes. “Boys.” We said in unison.

That weekend, Zach and I went for a walk along the docks. It was a beautiful day outside. We walked hand in hand just talking. When we felt like taking a break, we sat down on a bench overlooking the water and watched the waves. He put his arm around me and pulled me into his side. He was whispering sweet nothings in my ear. “Part of me wishes it was cold out, so I could offer you my sweater.”

“Me too.” I smiled.

“You look adorable in them.”

I giggled and hid my face in his shoulder. “I do not.”

“You do though.”

“Okay.” I blushed. He grinned at me as I peeked up at him.

We spent another hour walking and enjoying our time together. When it started to get dark, Zach walked me back to his car. He held the door open for me and kissed me before closing it. He is so sweet. The radio was playing softly. We sat in content silence for most of the drive. The purr of the engine lulled me into a peaceful sleep. “Reagan.” He whispered. I didn’t want to wake up. “Reagan. Baby, wake up for a second please.”

“Hmm?” My eyes stayed closed

“I just wanted to know if you want anything from Starbucks.”

“Sleeping.”

“You can stay in the car and sleep if you want.”

“Kay.”

“I’ll get you something.” He whispered and kissed my temple before getting out and locking the car. When I woke up, there was a cup of tea in the cup holder for me. So thoughtful.

**

I was in the middle of getting ready for a date with Zach when someone rang my doorbell. Running to answer it, my eyes widened when I saw Monty. His cheek was already starting to bruise and his knuckles were bloody. “Hey.”

“Uh. Hey there friend.” Blood was dripping onto my porch. “Just a sec.” I held up a finger and ran to grab a towel. He wrapped it around his hand before stepping inside. Thankfully there won’t be blood on the floor now. He stood in the entryway. “How’s the other guy?” I asked as I pulled out my phone to text Zach. Monty didn’t answer.

I’m so sorry. I have to cancel tonight. I think I’m coming down with a cold. I want to try to nip it in the bud and sleep it off.  

That’s okay. Do you want me to come over? I can bring you soup.

No, thanks though Zach. I’m just going to go get ready for bed and sleep so I can be better by Monday.

Okay. I’m just a text or call away if you need anything. <3

Thank you. <3

Now that my plans with Zach were taken care of, I was able to focus on the boy at my front door. “You know you don’t have to just stand there. You’ve been here before since we broke up.”

“I know. I just wanted to give you some space while you dealt with whatever plans you and Zach had.” He walked into the house further before adding, “which you didn’t have to do.”

“It’s not a big deal. I told you I would be here for you, whatever you need. Do you want some ice for your hand?” I dug around in the freezer for the tray. He tried to protest but I saw the thinly veiled wince when he flexed it. Sighing, I pulled out the freezer bags and filled one with ice. Monty accepted it begrudgingly.

“I didn’t need ice Reagan.”

“And I don’t need five million dollars Montgomery. If you don’t want it though, I’ll gladly take it back. I’m sure Kerba would love to hear about whatever bullshit reason you give for your hand being fucked again is.” He shut up and kept the ice.

“Think he would believe me if I said it was an exercise accident?”

“No.” I stated, shaking my head. Monty moved into the living room, settling in on the couch. Grabbing the remote with his good hand, he started scrolling through channels.

“You know if you hit the guide button, you can just pick a channel.”

“Yeah, but then you don’t complain about it and I can’t irritate you.”

“And I wasn’t done.” He didn’t respond, so I went into the closet for my mom’s first aid kit. She kept it stocked at all times. It was hard explaining why it was so depleted so frequently when Monty and I were together and even harder to explain why it was full after we broke up.

Walking over to the couch, I sat down and opened the kit. I grabbed some gauze and took his hand in mine. There was too much blood, so I had to go get a cloth. His lip curled when the wet cloth touched his cut knuckles. My brow rose but I didn’t say anything. Monty grimaced as I wrapped his hand. “Is your cheek okay?”

“It’s fine.”

“Okay. Have you eaten?”

“Yeah. You don’t need to feed me too Reagan.”

“Okay.” I let him continue flipping channels, knowing when to not push him. He never was very nice when I was patching him up. He finally settled on some old black and white film. Neither of us watched it. We just spent the night sitting in silence. It gave me plenty of time to think about the fact that I had lied straight through my teeth to my very nice, charming boyfriend.

A couple of weeks after I had patched Monty up, I noticed he wasn’t at school. I was walking to my locker with Alex that morning. Scott was talking to Charlie about something when we passed. “I don’t know where he is, man.”

“But we have a huge government midterm today.”

“It’s Monty. He probably just overslept or decided to cut first period.” I stopped walking unconsciously. Then where is he?

“You’re probably right.” Charlie said, as he adjusted his bag. He bumped into me when he passed. “Sorry Reagan. Guess I didn’t see you there.”

“Huh? No worries Charlie.” I smiled as he took Alex’s hand and nodded to them when they left me in the hall.

“He isn’t at school yet.” Scott said, behind me.

“Okay. I don’t know why you think I care but whatever.”

Scott looked at me seriously. “You care. Might want to look like you care less though. His replacement is coming this way.” I didn’t respond.

By lunch, I had started to worry. Charlie was right. We had a government midterm today. Monty couldn’t miss it. I scanned the cafeteria. There was no sign of him anywhere. He wasn’t in math this morning either. I couldn’t stop myself from texting him. I know you aren’t this self-destructive. Get your ass to school.

“Hey baby. Who’re you texting?”

“Just Bryce. I loaned him some of my government notes in first so he could cram. I just need them back.” Zach took my hand and we walked to the jocks table. Still no sign of Monty. I didn’t sit down. “Hey Bryce, did you get my text?”

“Uh. No?”

“About my government notes that you borrowed?”

“What-?” I gave him a look. “Oh. Yeah, I put them in my locker. Meant to bring them to lunch but it slipped my mind.”

“Can we go get them? I wanted to read over them during lunch.”

“Sure?”

“Great.” I nodded towards the door. He stood and followed me out.

“So, what the hell was that?”

“Did Monty stay at your place last night?”

“No. It’s probably nothing. You know how he is. Disappears sometimes.” We stopped walking and stepped into an empty hall.

“Yeah. It’s just that he knows this is important. I worry is all. Unlike you, he actually needs to get a scholarship.”

“I need to too Reagan.”

“You don’t. But go ahead and think that if it helps you sleep.” I shook my head and pulled my history notes out of my bag. “We’ve been gone a while. Don’t want anyone getting suspicious.” I texted Monty again while we walked in silence back to the cafeteria. If you aren’t in government I will drive to your house and kick your unfairly shapely ass. You better have a damn good excuse for not being here.

When I got to government for fifth period, I sighed in relief. Monty was sitting in his seat next to mine. “Nice of you to finally show up.” I grumbled as I sat down.

“I was busy.”

“It’s a Wednesday during school. During midterm week no less. What was so important?”

“Kyla got a new piercing a few weeks ago.” He smirked.

“You’re disgusting.”

“What? Have you and Zach still not?” My silence spoke volumes. He snorted. “No wonder you’ve been so bitchy lately. Want me to talk to him? Explain that you have needs?”

“No. I want you to not skip school to fuck your,” I paused, “Kyla. Because you aren’t a dumbass.” Even though I was pissed at him, I still waited for him until he had finished his test. We stopped at his locker so he could drop off his books.

Zach was waiting for me at my locker. We had rescheduled our movie date to today under the guise of making sure my cold was for sure gone and until midterms were complete. “Hey Zachy.” I hugged him and kissed his chest.

“Hey beautiful. How was your midterm?”

“Not bad. I think I did okay.”

“That’s good. How was it actually Monty?”

“Could have been worse. No one cried, which kind of sucks.”

“Good to know.” I put my stuff in my locker, failing miserably at the organization I had at the beginning of the year.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Monty. At eight. When you’re supposed to be at school.”

“Okay. We can go with that. You kids have fun now.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes. A blush had started to creep up my neck though. Maybe tonight.

When we got to my place, I left Zach downstairs to go change. I threw on underwear that matched my bra. Just in case. I settled on a pair of yoga pants that framed my ass well and threw on a low-cut comfortable tank top. Back downstairs, Zach was taking a bag of popcorn out of the microwave. I felt his eyes go straight to my butt as he heard me come down. I smirked slightly. I hugged him tightly from behind at the counter. “You’re cute.”

“So are you.”

“I’m not cute.”

“You are. My giant teddy bear you. Oh, and there’s a box of Mike & Ike’s in the pantry for you.”

“Thanks.” He grinned.

We scrolled through Netflix for a few minutes. Nothing looked really interesting until we scrolled past Beautiful Creatures. It’s good to make out to. And I like it. Settling in for the night, I rest my head on his lap. I sighed happily as Zach stroked my hair. It was so nice to just have a quiet night in with him. He adjusted his position slightly a while into the movie and I sat up to change positions as well. Falling asleep was not in the plans for this evening. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer against his chest. Leaning back, I rested my head on his shoulder. I placed a few soft kisses on his neck and jaw.

Zach’s breathing picked up when my lips ghosted over a spot just under his chin. There it is. I smiled against it and kissed it again. He sighed and I pulled away to look at him. His pupils were slightly dilated. I leaned in to kiss him. He leaned in and our lips touched. It was soft and gentle at first, but quickly became deeper and more intense. This wasn’t the first time we made out at all. But this time felt different. More meaningful. Maybe it was the right choice to change my underwear. His tongue ran along my bottom lip, requesting entrance. I was more than happy to accommodate it. His hand made its way around to rest against the back of my neck. My body shifted into a kneeling position on the soft couch, so I had a better angle. One of my hands rested on his chest. The other wound its way around the back of his neck to play with the soft hairs at the top of it. So soft.

Our tongues playfully fought for dominance. Neither of us seemed too keen on winning. We were just enjoying the moment. The movie was still playing in the background, though neither of us cared. My hand traveled down his muscular body as our making out intensified. I played with the hem of his shirt. I wasn’t wanting to take it off. But I also wasn’t not wanting to take it off. My boyfriend has a very nice body. Zach took control and began leaning forward. He continued until my back hit the cushions. After some readjusting, I was laying comfortably with Zach’s large frame above me. I smirked slightly when I felt his pants beginning to tent. He only pulled away long enough to sit up and pull his shirt over his head. Ugh that is the hottest thing any man can do. The blue shirt dropped to the living room floor unceremoniously.

He kissed me once more before moving on to my neck. The initial kisses were light and teasing. He was still trying to draw a map of where all the sensitive spots were. I gasped when he brushed over my pulse point. Zach smiled softly against it. The kisses turned much less light and teasing after that. It was both sides under attack now. It felt so good. I couldn’t stop the quiet whimpers from escaping. I moaned his name and ran my fingers through his hair. Why do men get the super soft hair? God. This feels amazing. “I love you.” He breathed into my neck. My breath caught in my throat. What? It wasn’t like I had never thought I loved him. I did. I was just surprised that he said it first. When I didn’t say it back immediately, his kissing faltered. I didn’t mean to hesitate.

“I love you too.” I smiled, even though he couldn’t see it.

We continued making out for a while until it got too close to my parents getting home. It was a long weekend, so they didn’t care much if he was over late. We were both adults. On weekends, they trusted us to be alone later. Even if alone meant ‘my parents are in their room upstairs or down the hall so shhh’. On school nights, Zach was gone by ten thirty. Even though they trusted us, none of us needed to experience them walking into the house to see their daughter and her boyfriend getting hot and heavy on their couch. Instead, we cozied up on the couch under a blanket and watched a couple more movies. “It’s getting late Reagan. I should head home. Mom will probably send Deputy Standall to come get me soon.”

“Okay.” Zach and I walked to the door and hugged goodbye. I stood on my tip toes and kissed him gently. “I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you too.” He whispered back.

The next morning, I woke up with tiny purple marks on the sides of my neck. He doesn’t usually leave marks. I like it. I wore my hair down so my parents didn’t see them. I may be an adult, but they still preferred I didn’t go around sporting hickeys all the time. Probably part of why they hated Monty so much. My mom felt it was anti-feminist. It was letting a man mark their territory and property. I usually challenged that with her wedding set. Dad just preferred not to think of me as being in a physical relationship. He was aware of it of course. Just preferred not to acknowledge it. Which, I mean, fair.

At school, I couldn’t leave my hair down. It was too hot. I threw it in a high ponytail in history. Zach breathed in sharply when he saw my neck. I turned and smiled at him. “Thank you.” His eyes widened and he coughed to cover a groan. During lunch, I could feel the boys staring at me as they arrived at the table.

“Damn Zach. Didn’t think you had it in you.” Bryce sniggered. I rolled my eyes.

“I did. You finally corrupted him, Reagan?” Justin wiggled his brows at us. I blushed and hid my face in Zach’s chest. I was never this shy about marks with Monty. Maybe that was because no one made comments like that when he did it. Because it was expected. And they knew he would rip their tongues out. I expected Monty to comment. He surprised me when he only quirked a brow. I was less surprised when he pulled me aside before history.

“Don’t let your parents see those. You seem quite attached to him. Wouldn’t want your dad to actually kill him. Maybe you should leave your hair down for a while. Wouldn’t want anyone getting any ideas, would you?”

I was stunned at the unnecessary hostility in his tone. Why the fuck does he care? He didn’t say anything else. I turned as he walked away, leaving me alone in the hall. I still put my hair down though.

Zach and I continued to explore the more physical aspect of our relationship in the coming weeks. Nothing too serious, just some semi-clothed touching. Maybe the rare under clothes touches. Only enough to tease. Never enough to lead anywhere. I was both grateful and frustrated by it. He didn’t leave anymore marks on me either. He could tell I was uncomfortable with his friend’s comments and wanted to avoid it as much as possible. We had agreed to wait until we were both ready. Neither of us were virgins. But it was still new. It did leave me with plenty of time to wonder what it would be like though.

When I wasn’t thinking about all the dirty things Zach and I could get up to, or Zach in general, or Monty, I occupied my time with college applications. My top choice had been UNC Chapel Hill for many years. Even before I knew what I wanted to study. I worked hard in school because of it. There were other schools I would like to go to, but none compared to UNC in my mind. I remembered when Monty and I had talked about what we wanted to do after high school, and he looked amazed but slightly skeptical at my goal. I knew he didn’t mean anything bad by it. We both knew how big of a goal I was. Zach had a different look on his face. He looked at me with complete faith that it would happen. It wasn’t even a question to him. He didn’t verbalize the thought, but I could see it in his eyes. I just hoped he was right.

Admissions emails were due to go out any day now. I both couldn’t wait and absolutely dreaded it. I had applied to seven schools. Statistically speaking, I had to get into at least one of them. I just wasn’t sure which one. Zach tried his best to reassure me that everything would work out. Our friends agreed with him. Monty also tried to reassure me. And keep my mind off of it with his incessant flirting. It was nice. I had a constant I could focus on. Monty flirting with me, as strange as it sounded, was keeping me calm. Zach tried his best to keep my mind occupied. We talked about anything but schools unless we needed to. It was sweet.  I just wasn’t sure it was helping much.

The pring of an email notification on my phone pulled my attention away from the textbook I was reading. I quickly grabbed my laptop and logged on. Pulling up Gmail, I held my breath. It could be any email. An email titled University of North Carolina Chapel Hill Office of Registrar Admissions Decision sat at the top of my inbox in bold letters. This is it. Holy crap. I was shaking so hard I opened the wrong email first.

Back on my inbox page, I took a very deep breath and opened the email. Dear Miss Reagan Taylor, thank you for your application to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. We regret to inform you that you have not been accepted for admission at this time. I couldn’t read any further. There was more information, I just couldn’t bring myself to read any of it. My eyes had begun to fill with tears. I didn’t get in. I worked so hard. And I still didn’t get in. Numbly, I moved the computer off my lap and grabbed my phone. Unconsciously, I selected a contact and put it to my ear as I felt myself beginning to dissociate.

“Hello?”

“Hi. A-are you busy right now?”

“I don’t have to be. What’s wrong?”

“C-can you come here? Please?”

“I’ll be right there.”

I numbly walked out of my room and went to unlock the front door. In my room, I sat in the center of my bed and hugged my knees. Willing the tears to remain at bay, I screwed my eyes shut. That didn’t do much to help, because all I saw was a string of the words not been accepted running over and over again.

A knock on my bedroom door caused me to look up. I wasn’t aware of how much time had passed. He was standing in my doorway with his hands tucked in his pockets. “I didn’t get in.” I said softly. My voice cracked. His long stride had him at my bedside and sitting down within only a few steps. He pulled me close to him and I cried into his shoulder. He laid us back and he held me as I cried. I felt so vulnerable as we laid there silently.

It must have been at least an hour before we moved. It had started getting dark outside. “Thank you, Monty.”

“You needed me.”

“I know. I just,” I paused, “thank you.”

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” I walked him to the door and went to take a shower. When I got out, I saw that Zach had texted me. I love you and I hope you’re having a good day. I sighed to myself. I couldn’t bring myself to find the energy to text him back. Instead, I crawled into bed and fell into a fitful sleep.

The next day, I threw on a pair of sweatpants and one of Zach’s t-shirts. I was too upset about the email to really care about looking nice. I met Zach at his car in the parking lot. He had a cup of hot chocolate for me and had his adorable happy grin plastered across his face. “Morning beautiful.” I took the to go cup gratefully.

“Morning.” He put his arm around me as we walked, and I leaned against his large frame.

“How was your night?”

“It was okay. Yours?”

“It was alright. Anything exciting happen?” Exciting is not the word I would use.

“Uh, no. Not really.” We had reached my locker. I opened it and dug around for my stuff.

“Hey, Reagan.” Luke called from across the hall. I lifted my arm and waved at him without turning around.

“What’s up Luke?” I asked when he was at my locker. Some of the football team was with him, including Monty.

“You know, it goes. I heard back from UNC yesterday. Did you?”

“Uh.” I cleared my throat and tried to will away more tears. I didn’t miss the sharp intake of breath Monty made. “I uh… Yeah. I didn’t get in.” I muttered. There was confused murmuring all around me. The only one who didn’t say anything was Monty. I didn’t have to look up to see that Zach was glaring daggers at him.

“How did they not accept you?” Charlie asked.

“I don’t know Char. It was a long shot anyway. Their acceptance rate is twenty three percent total. It’s even less for out of state applicants. Applicants who aren’t being given sports scholarships anyway. No offence Luke.”

“None taken. I’m sorry Reagan.”

“It’s okay. I applied to other schools.” I cleared my throat again. “I have to get to class.

“I’ll walk you.” Zach said. I nodded and took his hand in mine.

We stopped on the way when he pulled me aside into an empty classroom. “You didn’t mention that you heard back from UNC.”

“I know. I just… I needed some time to process. Can we talk about this later? I have a reading due at the beginning of class.”

“Sure. I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Of course.” I kissed him on the cheek. I sat through my classes in an almost daze. Monty sent me a couple of texts that made me smile. Zach also sent a couple of goofy pictures to try and cheer me up. My smile didn’t quite meet my eyes as much. I attributed it to being upset about the admission decision.

I met Zach at the doors to the cafeteria and he hugged me. I smiled sadly into his chest. I picked at my lunch silently. I could feel Monty and Zach’s eyes on me. They were watching both me and each other. No one else picked up on the tension. “Did you want to come over after school Zach? My parents are at work.”

“That works. I’ll let my mom know we are studying after school.”

“Studying each other?” Justin smirked. I rolled my eyes. Zach threw a piece of cheese at him.

“Fuck off.”

“Why do you throw food at each other?”

“It’s fun.” They shrugged.

“Alright then. I have a free period so I’m going to finish a project. I’ll see you guys later.” I leaned over and kissed Zach.

A few minutes after I sat down and pulled up my assignment, someone sat next to me. “So. You didn’t tell Zach?”

“No Monty.” I didn’t look up from my computer.

“You didn’t tell him you called me either, did you?”

“No. But I’m sure it will come up tonight when we talk.”

“You’ll let me know if everything is okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I have class so I’ll text you hot stuff.”

“You better.” I smirked.

Zach and I met each other at my place. My parents were at work and I think both of us knew this was going to become a fight, so I wasn’t surprised when he agreed to come over at lunch without a thought.. We danced around each other in silence. Neither of us knew how to react to the tension between us. With Montgomery it was easy. He would be in a mood or I would be upset about something, we would yell at each other for a while, and then… then it was fixed. I had never fought with Zach before.

“Why didn’t you tell me about UNC?”

“I told you. I needed time to process. To think. That was my top choice Zach. My plans literally changed overnight. That takes time to think through.”

“But I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to help you with that stuff. To be there for you.”

“I know. But I need to take time to process before I can deal, okay?”

“Right. Time to process. That’s why Monty knew?”

“How do you know he knew?”

“His reaction this morning. Plus, I heard him talking to Scott and Luke about it in class.”

“Are you mad I didn’t tell you, or are you mad I told Monty?”

“Both.”

“I don’t know why I told him okay?”

“No Reagan. Not okay.”

“I didn’t do it intentionally Zach. I just… dialed. I wasn’t even looking at my phone.”

“Is that supposed to make this better? That your instinct was to call your ex-boyfriend and not me?”

“No. I’m saying that I wasn’t even thinking clearly. All I knew was that in an instant my entire future was fading before my eyes.”

“So, you called Monty.”

“Yes Zach. I called him. I called him and he came. He dropped everything and he came to me.”

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“What. Happened. Reagan?”

“Nothing. I just cried. And cried. And then he left. I was upset.”

“Why couldn’t you call me?”

“Oh my god, Zach. I wasn’t thinking. I can’t explain to you why I called him and not you. I just picked a contact without looking and it was his.”

“Do you still love him?” His question caught me off guard. Do I?

“No.” My voice sounded sure. My brain and heart didn’t believe me. Hopefully Zach would.

“You don’t. Why do you still flirt with him?”

“I don’t love him. As for the flirting, that’s just how we talk to each other. We’ve always done it.”

“Well, I don’t like it.”

“Noted.”  

Zach scoffed. “You flirt with your ex in front of me.”

“I don’t mean anything by it.”

“That doesn’t matter. Do you not think it’s weird that you’re still super close to your ex?”

“Not really, no. He is my friend. You can be friends with an ex, you know.”

“Most people can’t, actually.”

“So what? You’re mad that I’m friends with Monty?”

“I’m not mad Reagan. It’s just a lot to deal with.”

“Why?”

“Do you know how it feels to learn stuff about you, because your ex is talking about it? Or because you two are joking about something?”

“No. I guess I never really thought about it like that. It’s not that weird to us. But it does make sense.” I sat down on my couch. My adrenaline was leveling out again and I felt like an asshole.

“It doesn’t feel good.” He sat down next to me.

“I’m sorry Zach. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“I know.”

“I’ll talk to Monty about it. Tell him we need to stop the flirting and stuff.” Zach took my hand gently.

“Okay.” I rested my head on his shoulder and he pulled me into his lap. I was shocked that a fight had been resolved that easily and cleanly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Monty and I met at the docks to talk after Zach and I fought. “Hey.”

“Hey sweetheart.” I grimaced slightly.

“Zach and I talked.”

“Okay. How did it go?”

“He was pretty ticked off that you knew about UNC before he knew. And that you came over instead of him.”

“But I’m your friend.”

“And he is my boyfriend. Also, for the record, you aren’t just my friend Monty. You’re my ex.”

“So?”

“So, you aren’t just my friend.”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because. The way you talk to me, it’s like we never broke up. You’re the one who said you wanted to break up. That you weren’t ready for a serious relationship. Or any relationship for that matter.”

“Is it you, or Zach that has a problem with it?” My silence spoke volumes. “I see. Well, you go tell your boyfriend that we talked.”

“Monty. I do feel bad about it. It’s not fair to Zach to have to deal with you flirting with me and making moves all the time.”

“You know, if I believed that you felt bad, or that you were honestly asking me to stop, I would. But I know you. I know this isn’t coming from you.”

“Montgomery. You need to stop. I’m asking you to stop.”

“Fine. I’ll cool it.”

“Thank you. That’s all I ask. Still friends?”

“Of course, Rea.” He hugged me tightly. I felt like I would let tight hugs slide because I liked them. We walked to our cars together quietly. I didn’t want to have to go or have things change, but I knew that if I wanted to stay with Zach, they would have to.

Monty was true to his word for all of three days. We were still friendly. The flirting had stopped though. There was still a buzz in the air when we interacted. It was easier to ignore now. At least, I thought it had stopped. I was painting my finger and toenails in the bathroom on Saturday night. It was my weekly self-care night. My phone rang before I could decide on a face mask to do while my nails dried. I smiled but rolled my eyes a bit when I saw who was calling. “Hi Monty.” I tried to sound annoyed but couldn’t keep the smile out of my voice.

“Hey Reagan.” He slurred slightly. I could hear the sound of boys falling and goofing off in the background. Bryce is having a thing, I guess.

“What’s up Buddy?”

“Jus’ guys night.”

“You don’t say.”

“You sound relaxed.”

“And you sound mighty drunk. It’s Saturday.”

“Right. Right. Girly night.” He chuckled.

“Yes. Is there a reason you called?”

“Wanted to say hi.”

“Oh.” I thought we had talked about this.

“I miss you.” He slurred. Oh boy.

“Uh. Miss you too.” I grimaced. He was drunk so I wasn’t going to just pretend I hadn’t heard him. Montgomery wouldn’t remember this in the morning.

“I’m an idiot.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“I am. I let you go.”

“Monty….”

“I love you.” My eyes widened. No. I felt the corners of my eyes begin to fill with tears. Looking up, I blinked them away. I didn’t know what to say.

“I-.”

“I’m in love with you.”

“Monty.” I whispered. Why is this happening? We talked about this. At least he won’t remember this tomorrow. But I can’t just act like it didn’t happen.

“Buddy, get off the phone and come play.” Garrison called in the background.

“Gotta go.” Monty said before hanging up. What the actual fuck just happened?

I didn’t text Monty or Zach all day Sunday. I didn’t actually talk to or text anyone aside from my parents. I woke up on Monday dreading school. I just laid in bed and stared at my ceiling. I would see Zach and have to act like that phone call didn’t happen. And that Montgomery hadn’t said what he said. I would also see him. I don’t know if I can do that. He’s your friend. He was wasted when he called you. He won’t remember it. Taking a deep breath, I threw off the covers and got up. I stopped for a coffee on my way to school to try to calm my nerves, even though I was more of a tea person.

I walked into the school and as luck would have it, the first person I saw, was Montgomery freaking De la Cruz. Thank you, Universe. Instantly, I turned on my heel and walked out of the building before he could see me. Books weren’t important now. I had to avoid him. I power walked to the nearest exit and stopped by a large tree. Leaning against it, I took a deep breath and contemplated ditching school. That wasn’t going to be possible. Because the universe decided to say fuck Reagan today. Zach was walking towards me from the parking lot. He waved. I pretended I hadn’t seen it and ignored him. He stopped when he got to my tree. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Hey. Yeah. I’m okay.”

“You’re breathing kind of heavy. And leaning against a tree.”

“I’m fine Zach.”

“Okay.” He didn’t sound convinced. Before he could say anything more, I picked up my bag and brushed past him. I took the long way around to the back of the building to physics. I slumped in my seat and doodled through the whole class. I was doing well enough that the teacher wasn’t going to call on me.

I spent the next week avoiding Monty. I didn’t answer his texts. I took different routes to class. As far as I was concerned, he didn’t exist anymore. Except for the near constant string of text messages that I was getting from him. And his confession running over in my head any time I had a free moment to think. Why did he have to do that? I was getting on just fine. Zach and I were in a good place again. We agreed that we would just be friends. Fine. Fine. Fine.

I was also distant with Zach. I felt awful about it. You love him. He can say it to you sober. He loves you. If he saw me in the halls, he would come over and I would let him walk me to class. We would hold hands. My grip wasn’t as tight as usual. He would put his arm around me. I wouldn’t lean against him. I think he could tell something was off. Being Zach, he wouldn’t bring it up though. Since I was avoiding my two favourite jocks, I couldn’t exactly sit with Zach at lunch. I sat with Jess and Alex instead. Without Zach. They exchanged looks the first day but said nothing.

I went to the baseball game after school to support Zach. And to make it seem like nothing was wrong between him and I or Monty and I. I didn’t want people asking too many questions. Questions I didn’t want to answer. Monty’s drunken declaration had brought up feelings I had spent the better part of a year and a half, trying to bury. I was the one that wanted more from him. I was the one who needed more. When it was clear I wasn’t going to get more, I settled. And then when we broke up, I was comfortable in the fact that even though I loved him and I felt like he loved me, it would go unsaid and we could just be friends. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that was why we were so close and flirted with each other. While I wasn’t in love with him anymore, I still did love him. Even though I told Zach I wasn’t. Liar. You are still hopelessly in love with him. Maybe. But I can’t have him the way I want. And I love Zach. I just haven’t decided if I’m in love with him yet.

After the game, I waited to say bye to Zach and congratulate him on the win. “Congratulations 16. You won.” I smiled as he walked up to me. I was waiting at the bottom of the bleachers.

“Of course, we did. I had my biggest cheerleader in the stands.” He grinned. I couldn’t help but melt. Pushing away any and all thoughts of Montgomery’s phone call, I threw my arms around his neck and let him scoop me up into his arms as we kissed. My legs wrapped around his waist and his hands held my thighs.

“Get a room.” Bryce called out to us as he passed with some of the guys. The jocks cheered and whistled. I flipped them off and pulled away from the kiss.

“Two things. One, you don’t have girlfriends because you whistle at girls. We aren’t dogs. Two, fuck off.” I called back.

“I have a girlfriend.” Anders yelled.

“I know. She’s awesome. That’s two of twenty. Now shut up and leave us be assholes.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Zach let out a loud laugh when they walked away. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah. It kind of was. Sadly, I have to go work on a project. Walk me to my car?” I said as I jumped out down.

“Lead the way.”

I was working on my project when Monty called me. I sent it straight to voicemail. He called again. I let it ring out. He called back. This man just doesn’t quit. Again, I let it ring. He called a fourth time. Jesus. I answered it on the second to last ring. “What?”

“Woah. Who pissed in your tea today?”

“You called me four times in a row. What do you want Montgomery?”

“Well, I was calling to see why you have been ignoring me. But now I’m going to ask why you’re being such a bitch?”

“I’m busy. And you called me four times in a row.”

“Busy with what?”

“A project.”

“Okay. I’ll keep this quick then. Since a project is apparently more important than your best friend.” I didn’t respond. “Why have you been avoiding me, Reagan?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“Bull. I haven’t seen or heard from you in almost a week. Are you mad at me or something?”

“No. I’ve been busy.”

“With Zach?”

“No. With stuff. I have a life outside of Zach Dempsey and you, you know.”

“Stuff. Okay. What stuff?”

“School stuff. Trying to figure out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Stuff.”

“Alright. I don’t believe you though. Did I do something wrong?” Yes. You did. Something very wrong. That you apparently can’t even remember. Meaning you didn’t have to just be drunk to say it. You had to be wasted.

“No. I’ve just been busy.” I sighed.

“We’re okay?”

“Yes Monty. We’re okay.”

“Okay good. Did you want to do lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“Great. Rosie’s at one?”

“I’ll be there.” I threw my phone on my bed when I hung up. This man is infuriating. Why can’t I say no to him?

To no one’s surprise, Monty didn’t stop flirting with me. He made comments about my outfits or little things that he knew about me. It had finally driven Kyla away. I feared that Zach would be the next person he drove away. I didn’t fall into his trap anymore and let him bait me into flirting with him again. He tried hard. But I didn’t want to go back on my word to Zach. I couldn’t control what Monty did. But I could control how I reacted. So, any time Monty flirted with me, I ignored it. I pushed down the little flutter in my stomach and blush that threatened to creep up my neck. Zach would roll his eyes and smirk if he was around to watch the spectacle that had become Monty and my interactions. We both figured he would grow tired of not getting a response and quit eventually. I have no idea why. Montgomery De la Cruz never was one to back down from a challenge.

As the school year started heading towards its close, the big senior trip was coming up. Every year, the school sent the senior class on a trip. It was supposed to be educational and technically was fair game on any exams except our government finals when we got back. But really, it was to let us blow off some steam and get us into a different environment, so we were less likely to do a Senior Skip Day or senior prank. The only teachers who tested on it were the hard asses. This year we would be going to DC to “learn about the government and how our nation’s democracy runs.”

The senior class was abuzz with excitement about our trip to DC. It was fully paid for by the school due to it being a mandatory trip, aside from the few thousand we needed to fundraise for. It wasn’t cheer camp so people were more willing to donate for a bake sale, over Dollar Valentines. Typically, everyone shared rooms at the hotel. This year however, there was an uneven number of girls in the class. Meaning that one lucky girl, would get a whole room to herself for the week. To make it a fair draw, every grade twelve girl’s name was put into a raffle. A random teacher from the neighbouring school then pulled a name from the bunch, to keep it impartial. An email would be sent out to every girl, letting her know if she was picked.

I held my phone tightly all day on draw day. It was a week out from the day we were leaving. We weren’t told when the email would go out. Only that we would know by tonight. I hope it’s me. At dinner, my phone pringed. I shot up like I had been bitten.

“Reagan. You know the rules. No phones at dinner.” My mom scolded.

“But Mom. It’s draw day for the single room. I need to go check. Please? Thirty seconds. Promise.”

“Okay. Go check.” She waved me off. I ran to the counter and grabbed my phone. Opening the email, I read it intently. Reagan Taylor- Single room. I screeched in excitement.

“I got the single room! I got the single!”

“That’s wonderful honey. Now come finish your broccoli.” I quickly texted Zach. I got it. :) He replied while I was finishing dinner. That’s great. :)

I texted Monty after dinner as well. I got the single room. He replied while I was getting ready for bed.

Excellent. What better place for you and Dempsey to screw each other silly? Can’t wait to hear all the details.

You are such a creep.

You like it.

The Friday before we left, Zach came over after school to help me pack. My parents were having date night, so it was just the two of us for the foreseeable future. Ever the gentleman, he helped me carry my suitcase up from the storage room. The rose gold hard case set was laid out on my floor. I put Zach in charge of folding my clothes, since he was the self-proclaimed “master packer”. He pouted slightly when I said he couldn’t fold my underwear. I managed to sneak in a few more sexy sets as well. We would be gone for a week. A lot can happen in six nights.

“Do you like this shirt?” I asked him.

“It’s nice.”

“I could wear it to the Capital.”

“Yeah. Or dinner.”

“There’s going to be dinner, hmmm?”

He walked towards me and took the shirt from my hands. “There might be. There also might be a lot more than dinner.” Zach wrapped his arms around me.

“Oh really?”

“Mhmm. If you want more than dinner.”

“I do have a single room.”

“That you do. Bring the shirt.”

“Okay.” I felt a blush creeping all the way up to my ears.

After some more packing, we took a break. A very nice break. We were laying on my bed. The suitcase was still open in the corner of my room. Zach shifted so he was resting his head in his hand on his elbow. I looked up at him and grinned. He grinned back. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He leaned down and kissed me softly. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms around his neck. Zach smiled into the kiss and moved to climb on top of me. He straddled my waist so that I was on my back again. The more he kissed me, the more I wanted this to go further.

My hands left his neck and went to pull on his shirt. I was trying to pull it off without breaking our kiss. When it was halfway up his torso, he pulled away from the kiss and pulled the cotton over his head. I smiled demurely at him. He began kissing me again and our tongues did their playful dance. I moaned softly when he kissed my neck. He didn’t suck hard enough to leave any marks. I sat up to take off my shirt when he pulled it up my stomach. He kissed me once again and I carded my fingers through his hair. My breathing started to get heavier as his Zach’s hands explored my body. My hips bucked lightly. He unzipped my jeans and I wiggled them off. They were pushed to the end of the bed along with our shirts. I struggled with his belt a little. I wasn’t used to it yet. It still felt foreign under my fingers. Finally, I had removed it. I unzipped his jeans and Zach kicked them off. He moved his kisses down my chest, brushing over the top of my bra. I sighed. My hands moved to his to the front of his torso and I ran my fingers up and down his chest. The skin was smooth, but I felt goosebumps form where I touched. We were still in our underwear. This feel so… nice. Nice is good. So why does it feel like I have no clue what I’m doing?

We made out passionately. Our exploration of each other’s bodies continued. There was light teasing and nipping at spots. It felt good. Zach unhooked my bra and I pulled it off. It landed at the end of the bed with our other clothes. I gasped when he grew bolder and sucked a pebbling nipple into his mouth. His tongue flicked it a few times and I moaned his name. He used his other hand to roll and tease my other nipple. My hips couldn’t be stopped from bucking. I wanted more. I reached for his boxers. I was only able to brush his V-line. He pulled away from me.

“Did you want something?” He asked cheekily.

“Mhmm.” I moaned and reached for him again. My eyes were trained on the bulge in his boxers. They widened as he pulled them off and his cock sprang out. Reaching out, I grasped it in my hand. It felt hot and heavy. He moaned softly when I began stroking.

To make things easier and more comfortable, he rolled over so he was on his back. I sat up some and watched his face. Zach’s eyes were closed, and his brow was furrowed. He looked relaxed. I leaned down and kissed him. His fingers tangled into my hair as he deepened the kiss. My strokes became more confident and picked up speed. The quiet moans and grunts he was emitting were very encouraging. Soon enough, his hips were bucking. He sat up to stop me. I looked at him with dark eyes. He smiled at me and sat up, pushing me down on the soft mattress. Zach was gazing at me with the most kind and loving expression I had ever seen. My heart swelled.

I couldn’t wait any longer and reached to pull down my underwear. Zach pulled them down my legs and threw them towards the end of my bed. I got comfortable as he reached out for me. His fingers quickly found my core, and then my clit. My breath hitched when he rubbed it. He was gentle. I silently thanked him for that. Gathering some lubrication, he spent a little while trying different gestures and patterns as he ran his fingers through my core. There was some back-and-forth movement, as well as some up and down. It felt good but it wasn’t quite it. He tried circles and I moaned his name loudly. “That’s it. Do that. Do more of that.” My hips twisted. He leaned down to kiss me again while he rubbed me. Zach continued to rub my clit softly in circular motions. I moaned lowly as a finger entered me. It was slow and calculated. He continued to stimulate me for a few minutes, varying the speed and intensity of both his rubbing and thrusting. My hips wiggled in an attempt to get more stimulation.

Deciding I was aroused enough, he pulled away and looked at me questioningly. “There is a new box of condoms in my sock drawer.” He nodded and stood to grab one. Once the condom was properly and securely in place, he climbed back on top of me. I felt dwarfed by his large frame. He rubbed my clit and fingered me a few more times, before I felt his cock brush against my folds. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for him to enter me. I was expecting something quick. Like ripping off the band aid. Instead, he slowly pushed his way into my body. I groaned and my head rolled to the side. His breath hitched when he bottomed out.

“Shit.” He cursed in my ear.

After a few beats, he began to slowly thrust. I tried to match his slow, sweet pace. It just felt so different. Nice. Good. But still different. Zach started kissing up and down my neck again. I smiled and eventually, was able to match his thrusts. They began speeding up slightly and he intertwined his fingers with mine. I squeezed his hands. I closed my eyes when he kissed me. It almost felt like there was something missing. While I was trying to focus on the sensations coursing through my body, I realized that we weren’t just having sex. We were making love. I froze slightly but covered it by tensing up a little. I could feel my orgasm approaching anyway. I could tell it would be different than normal. I was both excited and a little scared.

As though Zach could sense my thoughts, he kissed me deeply and murmured against my lips, “let go.” His thrusts picked up speed and my hips stilled. I felt the knot in my stomach start to tighten and I clutched his shoulders. I moaned loudly as I felt the knot snap. My orgasm was different than it had been in the past. It was good, but it was less intense. There was no convulsing or extreme contortion. He continued to thrust, pulling me through my orgasm. My muscles relaxed and I slumped for a second. I could tell Zach’s high was in his reach. I began whispering dirty nothings in his ear and telling him that I loved him to try to get him to finish. I kissed his neck and nibbled softly. His thrusting became sloppy and he groaned loudly as he peaked.

With a laboured grunt, Zach rolled off of me and pulled me close to him. I closed my eyes for a second. Then I remembered I had to go to the bathroom. I rolled over and sat up slowly. When I returned to bed, Zach had discarded the condom and put on his boxers. I pulled his shirt on, along with a clean pair of underwear. Curling up in his arms, I rested my eyes for a while. “I love you.” I whispered as I drifted off.

“I love you too.” We woke up an hour later and finished packing, sneaking coy glances at each other.

Tuesday morning started unfairly early. We had to be at the airport by eight for our flight at ten. My alarm went off at five thirty. I protested as I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Slowly, I made my way to the bathroom to shower. I didn’t need to look super cute, but I at least wanted to smell good. It was a five-hour flight. I double checked that I had everything packed while my hair towel dried. My dad knocked on my door and I grunted at him. The shower had done little to wake me up. “Morning Kiddo. I’m just going to take your suitcase downstairs.”

“K.” I muttered.

Downstairs after I got dressed, I poured myself a very large cup of coffee. I didn’t really like sleeping on planes. Plus, I could get a tea after we got through security. My mom had offered to drive Zach and I to the airport, so I called him to make sure he was up. “Good morning Baby.”

“Good morning babe.” He sighed on the other end of the line.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Jut tired.”

“Me too. Mom just wanted to make sure you were up.”

“I am. Stuff is by the door and everything.”

“Oh good. See you in half an hour?”

“Okay. See you then. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I hung up and texted Monty to make sure he was up. Get up loser, we’re going to DC.

I’m up. And it’s too early for bending Mean Girls quotes.

It’s never too early. He replied with an eye roll emoji. I shook my head and didn’t answer.

“Reagan, are you ready to go?” My mom asked.

“Yeah.” I grabbed my backpack and rolled my suitcase out to the car. Dad lifted it into the back and checked that mom and I were securely buckled. Have to make sure my girls are safe. He had said when I asked him about doing that when I was younger. I still didn’t let him see the way I smiled about it.

Zach was waiting on his front steps for us. It was still early and May was still asleep. He waved and mom opened the back hatch for him. I looked in the rear view mirror and smirked at the way his muscles bulged when he lifted his suitcase into the car. He kissed me when he got in and greeted my mom. “Thanks for the ride Mrs. Taylor.”

“Of course, Zach.” She smiled at him from the driver’s seat. Once we got onto the highway, traffic was fairly light. It was still pretty early so we beat most of the commuters. It grew heavier as we got closer to the airport. None of us were surprised. Especially given that an entire high school senior class was descending upon it.

Mom parked in the drop off zone for the airline. Zach got out and walked around the car to open my door. He hugged me tightly as I stepped out. I breathed in the fresh scent of his cologne. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I looked up at him and grinned. Throwing on my backpack, I grabbed Zach’s while he got our suitcases. Inside, we met up with our friends. Clay was basically dragging Justin through the airport. Alex and Charlie both looked very awake for seven forty-five in the morning. Must be nice. I nodded at Monty and Scott from across the room. They were talking to Bryce and Luke.

Getting our tickets and going through security went shockingly well. Since we had so much time to kill, the teachers let us roam the gate freely. We had to swear left and right we would be on the plane. I abandoned Zach with Justin and Alex to go in search of a piping hot cup of tea. “Reagan.” Monty said as he approached me.

“Morning Monty. It’s tea time.”

“I need coffee. I’ll go with you.” We walked through the gate silently. I could feel his eyes on me. He was trying way too hard to seem like he wasn’t

staring at me.

“Can I help you?”

“There’s something different about you.”

“Oh? Like what?”

“You seem… less tense.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He stopped for a minute. “Wait. Did you two finally?” I blushed. “You did. Was it good?”

“Yeah.” I replied. It wasn’t a lie. It was good.

“Yeah? Better than us?” I turned to him, perplexed.

“Is that trick question? How do you want me to answer that?”

“Is that a no?” He smirked.

“No. It’s not an answer. Because it’s none of your business.”

“Alright, don’t tell me.”

Tea and coffee in hand, we walked back to the gate to sit until our plane boarded. The minutes ticked by. Zach was watching YouTube videos on his phone. I peeked over my book at him. He looked up and smiled. I felt eyes on us and turned to Monty. He was smirking at Zach. I rolled my eyes, mouthed piss off to him, and went back to my book. The flight to DC was pretty boring. I was able to sit with Zach and we watched a movie for the first half of it. Afterwards, I listened to some music and read while he slept.

We spent the first night in DC relaxing after a long flight. I enjoyed having a single room. It was quiet and I didn’t have to argue with anyone about what bed I would get. Jess came to do a face mask and have some girl time. It was nice. “So, tell me. What’s new with you and Zach.”

“There’s not much to tell.” I fibbed. She saw right through me.

“Oh, come on Reagan. There is totally something to spill.”

“We finally had sex.”

“No way!”

“Yeah.”

“How was it?” I hesitated. “Girl talk.” She smiled at me and I knew none of what I said would get back to Zach.

“It was nice.”

“And?”

“Good.”

“Nice and good?”

“Yes.”

“That’s the best you can come up with?”

“I don’t know Jessica. It was nice.”

“But it’s supposed to be more than nice.”

“I know. And it wasn’t bad. It was just….”

“No. Don’t even think that. We cleansed. Remember?”

“Okay Ryan Shaver.” I laughed.

“Still.”

“I know. It was just different is all.”

“I get that.” She sighed wistfully. I tried to scrub the mental image of Jessica and Justin going at it like jack rabbits. Ew. No no. Bad.

We toured the Smithsonian on Wednesday and went to the Capital on Thursday to see Congress. I stuck close to Zach the whole time. Monty continued his flirting. It was as though he really had no idea what he had said to me last month on the phone. I did my best to ignore it. But it was starting to get on my nerves. I could tell Zach was growing frustrated as well. While it got on my nerves, I was having a harder and harder time ignoring the butterflies in my stomach when Montgomery tried to charm his way to me. He could tell. I just hoped Zach couldn’t. Our interactions had been tense since last month.

Tensions between me and Monty come to a head in DC. It was Friday night, three days into our weeklong trip. I was coming back from an evening coffee run with Zach and Justin. Monty was milling about with Bryce and Luke outside. I tried to ignore the pang in my chest when I saw them. Monty caught my eye and subtly nodded at me. No one in either of our groups noticed. I pulled out my phone and texted him. My room. 10 mins. He waited until we were inside the hotel to read my message. There was no response. I assumed he got the message and made to excuse myself to my room. “That was really great guys. I’m actually pretty tired and I still have to fill in my trip journal for the day. I think I’m going to head up to my room.”

“Okay, night Reagan.” Justin nodded. He seemed slightly suspicious. I chalked it up to him having his own experience with bullshit excuses.

“Do you want me to walk you up?” Zach asked.

“No, don’t worry. You hang out with Justin. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Alright. Text me when you get upstairs. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I kissed him softly.

Upstairs, I threw my backpack on the unoccupied bed and threw my hair up. Since I would be getting ready for bed soon anyway, I brushed my teeth and changed into my pyjamas while I waited for Montgomery. I was putting my toiletries back in my suitcase when he knocked on my door sharply. He was standing on the other side of the door, his hands once again buried in his pockets when I opened it. “You rang.”

“Hi.” I moved out of the doorway and let him in.

“What did you want to talk about Reagan?”

“No one saw you come up here, did they?”

“No. they didn’t. Is that what you’re worried about? Someone knowing that I’m in your room?”

“Of course not. Its just….”

“Zach. You can say his name. I’m a big boy.”

“I told Zach that he didn’t have to worry about you and I.” Monty scoffed, bitterly.

“Yeah. Nothing to worry about with us. Sure.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“If I was in his place, I would worry too.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean Montgomery?”

“Last month, you told me that we aren’t just friends. And you weren’t wrong. Because people who are just friends don’t look for each other in crowds. Or stop when other people are talking about them. The thing you forgot to mention is how unfair you were being to both of us.”

“I don’t do that.”

“Bullshit. I’ve seen it. And if I’ve seen it, so has Zach. He isn’t that oblivious.”

“Zach has a problem with our friendship.”

“Oh, so now you admit it. Least I got that out of you. Only took a month.”

“It makes him uncomfortable that we are so close. And I feel bad about it. I told you that already.”

“If you expect me to believe you care so much about how our friendship affects your boyfriend, then why did you call me about UNC as soon as you found out and not him? Why did you lie and cancel plans with him to spend time with me? Why is it that until a month ago, you flirted with just as much intensity as I did? Why did-.” I opened my mouth to stop him. “No. You don’t get to talk right now Reagan. It’s my turn to talk.” I closed my mouth and looked down. I was stunned and a little bit scared. He had never yelled at me like that before. “Why did you ask me to come get you when you got too drunk at a party on a college visit and not him? Even after you told me things had to change? Because I would love to hear you explain that.”

I was silent. I knew I couldn’t deny any of what he had said. We weren’t just friends. We didn’t know how to be friends. Or we never wanted to be. “Well?”

“I… you weren’t being fair to me either Monty. I’m not the only one at fault here. I wouldn’t have had to cancel on Zach if you hadn’t shown up to my house unannounced needing first aid. Again. You’re the one who started it with the flirting. As soon as you saw that I was moving on and could be happy with someone else, you fucking start flirting with me and talking to me like you had never stopped. Like you hadn’t broken my heart that day. And maybe I let it go on too long. Maybe I shouldn’t have reciprocated the flirting. But it made me feel good. And it was fun. Until it started having an impact on my actual relationship. With someone who is able to admit that he loves me. You want to stand here and talk to me about looking for someone in a crowd or stopping when people talk about them? What about when you drunk dialed me telling me that you love me? What about how anytime we are alone together you waste time leaving just so you don’t have to go? I’m not the only one at fault here. I asked you to stop flirting with me and you didn’t.”

“Is that phone call what did it?”

“I’m with someone who doesn’t have to be drunk to tell me that he loves me. And no. The call didn’t do anything. But it’s nice to know you remember it.”

“You want me to say it? I’m completely sober. You really want to hear me say it?”

“Yes.” I said loudly, exasperated.

“Easy. I love you.”

We were silent for a minute, finally aware of the tension in the air. I made the first move and kissed him. It was chaste at first. I was giving him a chance to take it back. When he didn’t pull away or stop it, I deepened the kiss. He wrapped his arms around me, picked me up, and placed me on the bed. His hands trailed down my body and played with the hem of my shirt. He sat on the bed beside me and pulled me on top of him. I straddled his waist and sat in his lap, slipping my hands under his t-shirt. When I traced his abs, he sucked in a breath. Everything with him felt so natural. So easy. I slipped my hands out from his shirt and pulled away from our kiss. He looked puzzled until I pulled off my shirt. I nodded at him and he pulled off his flannel. Next to go was his t-shirt. His pupils were blown. He was staring at me, not with hunger like I had expected, but in awe and admiration.

I kissed him again, but I quickly pulled away. I kissed down his neck, searching for the pulse point. We fell backwards in a mess of limbs and kisses on the plush hotel bed. His hands were on my hips instantly to steady me. I had found his pulse point and sucked at it harshly. There was sure to be a mark within the hour. I could feel him pulling at the waistband of my pyjama pants. “Yes.” I whispered in his ear. Monty pulled my bottoms down and off quickly. My underwear was still on and he snapped the waistband cheekily. “Bastard.” I said against his neck.

“You love it.” He moaned loudly when I bit his neck in response. I had to cover his mouth.

“Shhh. People could hear.”

“Screw people.”

With that, he flipped us over, so he was on top now. My hands went for his belt and I deftly undid it. My muscles still remembered the movements. The sound of the clinking metal as the hook hit the buckle. The way I had to tug a little harder to get it to come out of the loops because it stuck on the back one. Soon enough, his belt and jeans were strewn across the room along with the rest of our clothes. It was his turn to kiss me. He dragged his teeth against my bottom lip, pulling it slightly. I moaned lowly. His kisses traveled down my neck quickly. He always did prefer to leave marks on my collarbones and breasts. My neck was still fair game to him and he often left at least one mark on it at any given time. Just like he had so many times before so long ago, he left a clear bite mark on my décolleté. His attention was turned to my breasts then. He deftly unhooked my bra and pulled it off. It joined the ever-growing pile of clothes flung across the room.

The marks he left on my breasts were small in comparison to the one I had left on his neck. He is probably trying to hide them. I too, moaned loudly when he nipped my skin. He covered my mouth like I had done to him only moments before. The difference was that I grabbed his wrist in my hands like I was trying to hold onto him for dear life. I heard him chuckle and felt the stupid smirk against my chest. “Shhh. People could hear.” He mocked.

“Screw people.” He uncovered my mouth and pulled away for a moment. I gazed at him wantonly. I realized what he wanted a second later when he tried to both push and pull me further up the bed. Taking the hint, I shimmied my way up, so we had more room. Falling off the bed would certainly raise suspicion about what was happening in here.

Montgomery continued his journey down my body to my underwear. He stopped to place a gentle kiss to each of my hips. “Think you can keep quiet Kitten?” I melted at the nickname. I hadn’t heard it in so long.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He pulled at the waistband of my underwear and they landed on the floor beside the bed. I sighed as he placed kisses to my pubic mound and my upper and inner thighs. Reaching down, I placed my hand on his hair. It felt so soft. Suddenly, he placed a kiss to my clit and my hips bucked. My fingers curled in his hair slightly. I moaned again, quietly this time, when he began to lap at my folds. My fingers curled in his hair more still. I couldn’t stop myself from tugging slightly. When he focused on sucking my clit I pulled on his hair. He moaned against my core and my body shook. When he added a finger or two to the mix, I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming. I had been secretly imagining this moment for the better part of a year. This felt so much better than I could have ever imagined. My orgasm began to build quickly. My walls started to flutter. Monty chuckled. He was well versed in my body’s reactions to stimuli. We both knew what was coming. His fingers thrust faster, and he stopped sucking my clit. Instead, he rubbed my clit harshly. I had to cover my mouth to keep from moaning too loudly. And then everything was bright and light for a second. I felt a, thankfully given our location, small trickle of liquid spill its way out of me. Monty gently slowed, and then stopped his thrusting and rubbing. I was panting and trying to catch my breath.

“Just give me a second.”

“Of course. Take your time.”

I looked down at him as he climbed up the bed. He settled beside me and reached down to palm at his hard dick. Once I had caught my breath, I shoved his hands out of the way and took over the palming. “You are so evil.” He grumbled.

“You love it.” I slipped my hand under the band of his boxer briefs. I hadn’t even touched his dick and he was bucking his hips already. He gasped when I brushed his dick with my fingertips lightly. I grasped it in my hand and stoked it. My movements were stilted by his underwear. After I took them off and dropped them next to my own underwear, there was much more real estate to work with. My hand was back to stroking right away. I was mostly just trying to bide time getting my energy back.

A little longer and my energy was back up to useful levels. So, I straddled his waist again and leaned in to kiss him. I wasn’t as conscious of my nakedness as I normally was. Our kiss was heated but I managed to pull away somehow. The trailing kisses down his chest made his breathing heavy. When I reached his cock, I licked a stripe from base to tip. I felt him tug at my ponytail holder. “I will never understand how this works.” I chuckled and reached up to pull my hair down. It fell in a cascade around my face. I tucked some behind my ear and repeated the same lick. The groan and hand that was winding its way in my hair told me all I needed to know. I smiled to myself before taking his cock in my mouth. I sucked slowly at first. I needed to take a few minutes to get used to the feeling. He removed his hand from my hair then, letting me do my thing. He put it back when I started to take more and more into my mouth and throat. I sighed softly when I managed to take it all. That last half inch was always iffy. His hand was wrapped up in my hair and holding it away from my face. I was surprised that he remembered not to tug when I started bobbing my head. Or maybe that wouldn’t be something a guy would forget. His hand traveled down to the base of my hair and rested against my skull. He started to buck his hips and I gagged slightly. Focusing on breathing through my nose, I kept my pace up. I knew he was holding back. I moaned around his cock and he cursed under his breath. I didn’t quite catch it. I stopped sucking to take a big breath of air.

Before I could resume my actions, Monty tugged on my hair. I looked up at him. There’s the hunger. He tugged on my hair again. He was trying to pull me up towards him without hurting me or being too demanding about it. I crawled forward towards the headboard. Kissing him again was the easiest choice I made this trip. I got lost in the feeling of his lips on mine and his tongue fighting mine for dominance. He took advantage of my distraction and rolled us over again. He always did like to be on top. “Do you have a condom anywhere?” he asked between kisses.

“I slipped one in the nightstand beside the Bible.” I breathed.

“You would put it beside the Bible.” He sat up and reached into the drawer, pulling out the blue foil packet. Once the condom was in place and the foil was discarded, he kissed me again. He was still kissing me when he adjusted our positions so he could enter me. My neck had always been a favourite spot to kiss. I gasped when I felt his cock enter me. It felt amazing. My body knew what to do instinctively as soon as he began thrusting. My hips were quickly able to match his pace. I gripped his biceps tightly, trying to convince myself that I wasn’t dreaming.

As his pace quickened, mine stilled. I was watching him. His brow was furrowed, focusing on this moment. I was pretty sure both of us weren’t sure if it would ever happen again. I reached up and brushed some hair that had fallen into his face away. Montgomery hit a particularly sensitive spot and my hand fell to his shoulder, squeezing and digging my nails into the skin. I moaned loudly and he kissed me to muffle it. “Shhh.” He cooed against my mouth. I whimpered. I felt my orgasm building again. It was coming on fast. My hips started to move on their own accord again. His thrusts started to falter, and I mewled. We were both on a rollercoaster that was speeding up to a stomach dropping fall. I covered my mouth so no one could hear the scream trying to jump from my throat. My eyes screwed shut tightly and my eyes rolled back in my head. The white light was so bright. As soon as my orgasm began to hit, so did Monty’s.

He pulled out of me quickly and discarded the used condom. All but falling over me, he rolled onto his back. We were both breathless. I was gasping for air. He was panting heavily. I rolled over onto my side, for some reason shy to cuddle up against him. It seemed silly to be concerned about that after what we had just done. But it felt like crossing a line. “Come here.” Monty pulled me closer to him.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? It doesn’t cross a line?”

“Reagan. We just had arguably the best sex of our lives and I told you I love you. I think we are way past being concerned about crossing lines.” I sighed, realizing he was probably right. Might as well get comfortable. “You need to go pee first.” I sighed again and excused myself. Back in bed, I curled up beside him again.

“We had to go and make everything complicated.”

“When has anything about us not been complicated?”

“I guess you’re right. Will you stay?” He checked his watch and thought for a minute.

“I can stay for a while if you want me to.”

“Yes please.”

I woke up the next morning alone with the blankets tucked around me tightly. There was a note on the pillow next to me written in Montgomery’s messy scrawl. I’ll be waiting. Remember that. I love you. I set the note in my lap and rubbed my face. I should check my phone. See if I missed anything important. Zach had texted me to say good night the night before, while I was… otherwise engaged. There was a text from Justin asking if I needed to talk. And Scott. He wanted to know if I knew where Monty was last night. Oh god. I forgot they were sharing a room. Oh shit. I need to face Zach now. Deciding it would be best to get it over with as soon as possible, I dragged my butt out of bed. I tucked Monty’s note in my suitcase while I got dressed.

When I looked in the mirror and saw the marks on my chest and neck, I rolled my eyes. I packed a heavy-duty concealer for my under eyes. I wasn’t planning on using it to cover hickeys that my ex-boyfriend left on me. Blending and layering took longer than expected but it was early enough that I was still done at a reasonable time. I had to leave my hair down though. Throwing on a pair of sneakers, I made my way to Zach and Justin’s room. I paused for a second when I passed Montgomery’s room. I shook my head. You can’t. Not while Zach is still a factor in the equation. I knocked on Zach’s door and he opened it shirtless. My eyes trailed down his body. I couldn’t stop the memories of last night from flooding back. “Good morning beautiful.”

“Morning Zachy. Can I come in?”

“Yeah. I’m just about ready.” I nodded and went to sit on his bed. Thankfully I wasn’t walking funny. When he was ready, we went downstairs hand in hand.

Monty was talking to Scott in the hotel lobby. I was shocked to see him awake and dressed at this time. The man likes his sleep. And we didn’t exactly get much last night. “Morning Scott. Monty.” Zach stopped to talk as we passed. I couldn’t look Monty in the eye.

“Morning lovebirds.” Scott replied.

“Zach. Reagan.”

“Morning.”

“No tea yet?”

“No.”

“I see. Long night?” I could hear the smirk in Monty’s voice. I hate you.

“I stayed up watching tv.” Zach began making small talk with the boys but I didn’t contribute anymore. I just wanted to get out of there and be alone with my boyfriend. Part of me hoped I could forget that last night ever happened. That didn’t stop me from thinking about it though. The longer they talked, the more I thought about it.

“Babe let’s go. Brunch is waiting.” I urged him to stop talking to Monty and Scott. Please don’t invite them.

“It’s not even eleven Rea. I don’t think it counts as brunch yet.” Scott laughed.

“Okay, then breakfast is waiting. Either way, I’m hungry and food that is far too calories dense to be considered a proper morning meal is waiting.”

“Did you guys want to come with?” My eyes widened. Did he just…? He did not just invite them with us.

“Uh.” Monty cleared his throat. “Are you sure you want to invite me?”

“Yeah. I mean, you and Reagan are friends. I’m going to have to get used to it somehow.”

“Why don’t we ask Reagan?” Monty turned and looked at me, raising an inquisitive brow.

“Um. I- uh.” I looked down, blushing. “I was kind of hoping we could go… just the two of us?” I asked Zach, raising my voice a couple of octaves.

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought…,” he paused and took my hand again, “of course we can go just us. I was just trying to be nice and make an effort.” He was looking at me so kindly that I had to look away. “Sorry guys.”

“Nah, no worries. Gotta get time with your girl.” Scott waved it off. He shot Monty a look that I didn’t like. It made me feel uneasy. Does he know? Before I could think too much into it, Zach was leading me outside.

Brunch was delicious. Zach was his usual slightly oblivious but in a cute way self. If he had any idea something was wrong, he didn’t let on. On our way back, we stopped to sit and look at the White House from a distance. “Why did you invite Monty and Scott to have brunch with us?”

“Well, I didn’t realize you wanted to go just the two of us.”

“That’s not what I meant. You don’t like Monty. So why invite him to hang out?”

“He’s your friend. As much as I don’t like it and I don’t like how he talks to you, he’s important to you. So, I’m willing to try to be nice to him.” Oh. Well now I feel like even more of an asshole.

“That… That’s really nice of you Zachy. Thank you.”

“No problem. What do you say we head back and watch a movie in your room?” He kissed my temple and stood, holding his hand out to me.

“My room? Could we maybe go back to yours? Mine is kind of messy. I had some trouble finding something to wear this morning.”

“Okay. I don’t think Justin is holing himself up in there today.”

Scott caught us when we got back to the hotel. “Hey! Can I steal Reagan for a few minutes? I need to ask her something about an assignment in Spanish.”

“Sure. We were just going to watch a movie.”

“O-okay.” I waved to Zach and trailed behind Scott to his and Monty’s shared room. “I’m hopeless at Spanish and you know it. What is this about?” Please tell me he doesn’t know.

“Are you going to tell Zach about last night?” Fuck.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“That’s crap. Are you going to tell him, or not? Because he deserves to know.”

“How do you know about it?”

“Monty didn’t come in until like two or three this morning. I hadn’t seen him for hours before that. When I saw him this morning, and the calling card you left on his neck, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. The concealer on your neck just confirmed my suspicions. Just be thankful Zach is too oblivious to notice it.” I sighed, knowing he was right.

“I will. Just… not while we are still here. I don’t want to ruin anything. More than it already is anyway. Plus no one wants to deal with anyone getting arrested on a school trip.”

“Okay.”

“Is that all?” I turned to leave.

“Yeah. Actually, one more thing?” I stopped just short of the door. “Monty really does love you. And anyone with half a brain cell can see that you still love him. So, you deserve to be happy.”

“Thanks Scott.”

I spent the rest of the trip trying to avoid Montgomery and hold my tongue around Zach. I slept almost the whole flight back to California. School the next day dragged on. It continued to drag on for the next two weeks. Senioritis had set in hard now that we were done the D.C. trip. No one wanted to be there. We were graduating in a month. Most of us were going off to college. The last few weeks of school were basically pointless anyways. Even our teachers didn’t care as much. It was hard, but I managed to stay pretty cordial with Monty. I kept up appearances that everything was fine for most of the two weeks following the trip with Zach. On Friday I woke up and decided that it was time. I had to end things. I had to be fair to him. I had to take a chance and see if Monty and I could make things work this time. I texted Zach on my way to school. Meet me at the docks after school? The water is beautiful this time of year.

Sure.

I sat in my car for ten minutes after I arrived, trying to talk myself out of talking myself out of doing this. Zach wasn’t here yet so I got out of the car and walked around, trying to find a secluded bench where we could talk in private. I found the perfect one under a tree in the shade. It had an amazing view of the water. I snapped a selfie and sent it to him. Come and find me.

Zach snuck up and slid into the spot next to me. I jumped slightly. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hey.”

“I missed you today.”

“Yeah, I had some stuff to do. You know, last minute projects and final touches on assignments.”

“I know.” We sat quietly for a bit, just admiring the view. “You’re right. The water is beautiful this time of year.”

“Yeah.” I picked at my nails nervously. Just do it. “Listen, Zach….” I started.

“Yes?” He took my hand in his. I stared down at it.

“I- I think that…,” I paused. “I think that we need to break up.”

“What? Why?”

“I think it would be the best thing for us Zach.”

“Do you not love me anymore?”

“What? No, of course I do. It’s just… things are changing so fast.”

“Then why?”

“We are both going away to school next year and it will be too hard. I don’t want you to be tied down to someone on the other side or halfway across the country.”

“How do you know it will be too hard, Reagan?”

“Because. I’ve seen people try to make it work. We are eighteen Zach. We have our whole lives ahead of us. College is supposed to be the time where we experiment and make mistakes. To drink too many mixed drinks and wake up in someone else’s bed. I want you to experience that. And you can’t do that if you aren’t single.”

“We don’t leave for school for another two months at least though.”

“I don’t want us to wait until a week before we leave to decide that going into college single is the best choice.” Zach was silent for a while. I felt so bad. It needed to be done though.

“I guess you’re right.”  I smiled sadly at him. “You’ll always be special to me, you know that?”

“I know. You’ll always be special to me too.” I squeezed his hand and he kissed me softly for the last time. Knowing he would need time to sit and process, I was the one who stood and left him on the bench.

In my car before driving away from the docks and Zach, I sent a text message. Four words. Eleven letters. I hoped he would know what it meant. I love you too. The weight of hitting send was unimaginable. I had spent so long denying it, that I didn’t know how to feel about it. I guess I would just have to wait and see what the future held.

[miss-smutty]

Forbidden

Chapter 1

A/N- I've teased y'all for so long I hope this series is going to live up to expectations, I'm confident it will though because I'm addicted and it's been super easy for me to write - I'm up to chapter 3 so far so updates can be on time! There's a slight age gap between my professor Hemsy and OC Jess but she's twenty and completely legal. You know this is gunna be a giant tease fest for the first couple of chapters cos that sexual tension is fucking gold 🥵

Summary- Jess meets the man of her dreams and then stupidly leaves without getting his number. Will fate bring them together again?

Word count- 1.5 K

Pairing- Professor!Chris Hemsworth x OC

Warnings- Swearing, age gap

18+ only!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 5th August 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld @mostly-marvel-musings @darklydeliciousdesires @monet-belle

@skyfullofsong123 @swaggysposts

Chapter 2

I pulled out a chair at the last available table in the unusually busy coffee shop, I thought I might've caught a break choosing the one outside of campus but alas I was wrong.

I was about to sit down when the chair opposite me slid out from under the table, my eyes lifted to meet with the most sparkly blue eyes i'd ever seen. The sight of him took my breath away. Literally.

I stood staring, frozen on the spot, my mouth slightly ajar as I looked him up and down. He was tall, so tall, definitely over 6ft and built like a dream. Thick thighs straining against his fitted trousers, wide muscular shoulders and I just knew there was a six-pack hiding behind that tight t-shirt. 

"Sorry. You were here first, I'll just grab a take-out." He smirked a side smile, amused at how I was so obviously checking him out but his sexy Australian accent distracted you from anything else.

"It's fine, I'm on my own. I don't mind if you want to sit there too." I mentally face palmed myself, drawing attention to the fact I was alone wasn't the best idea but then again he was alone too. "I don't bite." I added trying my best to flirt.

It seemed to work, he smiled at me as he sat down and I took the time to admire his handsome face. He was quite clearly a lot older than me, the laughter lines around his eyes a tell tale sign but he was still quite possibly the best looking man I'd ever laid eyes on. His hair was fair and the short beard framed his face perfectly but the one thing that stood out the most were those piercing ocean-blue eyes.

"So do you come here often?" I cocked my eyebrow at him over my coffee cup making him laugh at my reaction. "Sorry, it's been a while." He said nervously, running his hand through his hair.

"It's been a while since you spoke to a stranger or…?" I questioned casually.

"It's been a while since I spoke to an attractive woman." He finished, his eyes sparkling as he watched me almost choke on my drink.

"Oh, I err…. I don't think you're doing too badly." I absentmindedly circled my finger around the rim of my cup, crossing my leg over my other and accidently rubbing my foot up his leg. My cheeks felt hot and flushed as I looked up into his eyes and saw him smiling slyly.

"Evidently. We're already playing footsie under the table." He smiled widely, a genuine smile that stretched the corners of his mouth. I smiled back at him shyly, thinking of something to say to change the subject before I ended up looking like a tomato.

"What part of Australia are you from?"

"I'm originally from Melbourne but I lived in Byron Bay before I came to America." 

"Awesome. I've always wanted to go to Australia, the Spiders put me off though." 

"Yeah I think they put most people off but in heavily populated areas they stay pretty much hidden, I think it's the size that scare people." How have I made this conversation go from flirting to talking about spiders? And how do I get back to flirting?

"Are we still talking about spiders?" I raised my eyebrows questioningly and laughed at the innuendo, flicking my hair over my shoulder. I noticed something in his eyes when I did so, a hunger, just a little flash and then it was gone again. I'm sure I didn't imagine it though because his eyes lingered on my exposed shoulders.

I checked my watch subtly, not wanting him to think he was boring me but I had to get to class and couldn't be late again, not when this semester had only just started.

"I'm really sorry, I'm gonna have to run, I'm going to be late. It was really nice meeting you." I gathered up my bags, ready to leave.

"Already? You've only just got here." He looked disappointed, his smile fading. His mouth opened as if he was going to say something else and then closed again when he saw I was ready to leave. "It was really nice to meet you too, hopefully I'll see you again." His eyes sparkled as he looked into mine, standing from his chair to get the door for me. I felt fireworks when his hand brushed against the small of my back and his face lingered close to mine. The tension was unreal, like we were the only people in the room as his eyes hungrily stared into my soul, undressing me with his eyes. My heart stopped beating when his face moved closer to mine so I could feel his breath on my lips, the smell of coffee and his aftershave filling my nostrils. I paused, my feet routed to the spot, I wanted him to kiss me so badly but I moved away at the last minute. Surely he wasn't actually going to kiss me, we'd only just met, that would be ridiculous. Wouldn't it?

********

I spent most of class daydreaming about my tall handsome stranger and the way he looked at me but most of all how I didn't even get his name. Or his number.

Now I was feeling sorry for myself because it would just be my luck to meet the man of my dreams and then never see him again. So I'd moped about all day and avoided the invitations for drinks after class. Instead I'd

gotten home early, changed into some sweats and settled myself in front of the TV for the night.

"What's up with your face?" My roommate, Ellie said as she walked into our room, throwing her bags onto her bed.

"What're you talking about?" 

"Your face. Looks like you're chewing on a wasp."

"Feeling sorry for myself." I pout pathetically.

"Why, what've you done now?" She rolled her eyes, kicking off her shoes and throwing her legs up onto the bed. I felt so lucky to have a roommate like Ellie, during our freshman year she'd become my best friend practically straight away and now after two years together we were practically sisters.

I sat up in bed cross legged and faced Ellie, getting myself ready to spill my misfortunes of the day with her.

"Well, I went to Impresso's this morning to get my morning coffee before class." She nodded, showing her enthusiasm by also sitting cross legged on her own bed, facing me. "And it was packed full of students, there was only one table left. So I went to grab it as soon as I could." She raised her eyebrow at me, wondering where I was going with the story. "And I kid you not, the most attractive man I have ever seen, pulls out the chair opposite me." 

"Oh my god! No way. Did you talk? Oh my god, this is like the perfect chick flick. Carry on." I smiled at her excitement.

"I told him I didn't mind if he sat there, I mean of course I didn't mind, you should've seen him El. Oh, oh, oh I almost forgot" I flapped my hands, bouncing on the spot. "He was fucking Australian."

"Fuck off, you're lying. Drop dead gorgeous with the sexiest accent ever. How is this even real? Now remind me why you're sat there with a face like a slapped arse?" 

"I panicked when I had to leave, didn't want to be late for class and I didn't get his number, didn't even give him chance to ask for mine." 

"Wow! Ok, now I understand. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking, I was panicking and you know what I'm like when I panic." You sulk.

"It's ok, maybe you'll bump into him again."

"Yeah, right. I should be so lucky."

"Cheer up." she says throwing a cushion at me. "There's a party at Alpha Kappa this weekend, I'm sure we can find you someone to help get over your mystery man. Or under should I say?" She raised her eyebrow at me, smiling slyly and making me laugh. She always did know how to cheer me up and maybe a party is what I needed.

There must be some good looking boys around campus that could make me forget about my Australian hunk. Surely? I thought about the guys I'd seen around campus, the guys I'd seen at frat parties and that's definitely not what I wanted. How could a twenty year old boy match to the masculine, experienced man I met this morning. My mind was set, I'd dipped my feet ever slightly into the mature pool and that's what I wanted more than anything. There was always something missing with previous boyfriends and I was tired of all the game playing. I wanted someone who knew what they wanted and wasn't afraid to get it.

The only thing was, he didn't know I was only twenty and I had no way of finding him again. If fate did bring us back together, would he mind that I was still a student? That I couldn't even drink when we went on dates? 

Who am I kidding? Of course he would mind, he could get any woman he wanted, why would he want me?

[bbydclls]

rayne  here  again  !!  with  my  other  muse  who  has  also  been  hidden  away  in  my  brayne .  there’s  a  lot  of  work  and  development  that  she  needs  to  go  through  and  i’m  super  excited  to  have  that  happen  for  her  through  willow  !! 

(   coco  jones  ,  female  ,  she / her  ,  twenty  one  )  $$$  — i'm  pretty  sure  i  just  saw  DESIRÉE  MONET  headed  out  of  the  estate  .  it's  weird  though  …  i  didn't  see  them  with  their  DISPOSABLE  CAMERA  .  i  didn't  know  they  left  the  house  without  it  .  i  feel  like  i  can  never  catch  them   ;   they're  always  so  busy  …  guess  that  makes  sense  since  they're  a  YOUTUBER - STREAMER / INFLUENCER  .  have  you  met  them  yet  ?  they  live  in  JUNIPER  DRIVE  ,  so  you  might've  missed  them  .  i  think  you'd  like  them  a  lot  ,  actually  .  i  swear  their  aura  is  PINK ,  and  that  seems  like  your  vibe  .  maybe  you'll  get  lucky  and  run  into  them  sometime  .  i  can  always  tell  when  they're  coming  up  the  hill  ‘cause  they're  constantly  blasting  BABYDOLL  by  ARI  ABDUL  …  it's  pretty  much  their  anthem  at  this  point  ,  so  if  you  hear  it  ,  you'll  know  they're  around  .  y'know  ,  the  other  day  ,  i  saw  a  tabloid  with  them  on  the  front  page  that  said  "  FROM  FANDOM  TO  FAME  :  HERE'S  DESIRÉE  MONET'S  THREE  TIPS  ON  FOLLOWING  YOUR  DREAMS   “ …  do  you  think  that's  true  ?  guess  we'll  see  what  the  neighborhood  watch  thinks  !   

、 ⠀ ་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  ›

full name  :  desirée lorraine monet

nicknames  :  dez  ,  dezzie

age  :  twenty - one

occupation  :  youtuber  (  vlogger  )  +  occasional  streamer  &  influencer

birthplace  :  LA  ,  california

orientation  :  pansexual

lives  in  :  juniper  drive

、 ⠀ ་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝  ›

first things first , desirée is the youngest of the three monet sisters with charlotte being the middle and yvette being the oldest . and they grew up as quite a trio . 

with her dad being a cop and her mom being a nurse who never knew how to say no when asked to come in , it was no wonder the sisters grew close over their years spent together growing up . it was the three against the world .

they practically coddled her when she was younger . being a kid growing up with parents who were always gone and with one who always had his life on the line  ( because you never know what could happen in the blink of an eye ) , des was always a little anxious , a little paranoid . her sisters had to reassure her that everything was fine & that their parents would always be home in time for dinner .

unlike her two older sisters , she had never come face to face with their dad’s tough way of loving them . she was the youngest after all , the baby , and that just seemed to make her perfect in the eyes of her father .

their mother swore up and down that she didn’t have a favorite out of her three daughters and it was easy to see that she meant it but with their dad ... he could say he didn’t have one but he never was good at hiding that it was a lie . 

she grew up being able to do no wrong . it didn’t get to her head . she really was a good kid growing up . too scared of her dad being mad at her for getting bad grades so she always kept them up , loved by her teachers , not quite the straight A student but a few B’s here and there weren’t the end of the world .

her teachers did have to have a few conferences with her parents to discuss her bad habit of talking with her peers in class when she should’ve been paying attention . but what can you do ? she loved to talk 

and more than that , she loved to gossip .

that’s exactly how she met her high school best friends and they were the ones who had her kick off her youtube career . well , technically it was their youtube career . yknow , as a collective . 

it started off with her and her four friends venturing abandoned buildings and haunted locations which she had been absolutely crazy about . but as all good things do , it fell apart after they all graduated and went their separate ways . she kept with making videos though . 

with both her sisters being incredibly creative individuals she fell into the habit of comparing herself to them . she couldn’t paint or draw like yvette could and she definitely wasn’t as good at singing ( or writing music ) as charlie . she felt like she was at a standstill with her lack of talents and their multitude of them . so she kept with making videos .

whatever she thought of to film she did --- makeup reviews , clothing hauls , she even had a couple videos of her judging met gala outfits ... she gained a following at a fairly quick pace . 

her all time favorite video that she’s ever done though was when she interviewed her sister charlie . i mean , charlie is her all time favorite person in the world . wouldn’t you be stoked to interview your role model after looking up to them for so long ? i mean like yea it’s different since they’re literally sisters but that doesn’t change the fact that it meant everything to her that she got to make that video with her sister . 

now with quite the number of subscribers and one hell of a following on tiktok , desirée can safely call herself an influencer .

her favorite thing to do though with her career is interview other people . she even has an entire channel dedicated to interviews . and !  she’s even in the midst of starting her own podcast . because let me tell you , this girl truly does love to talk . 

、 ⠀ ་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  ›

honestly desirée’s personality can be summed up into two words : she’s sweet .

if you need someone to talk to about anything , she’s your girl . she’s probably one of the least judgmental people you could ever meet because she knows better than to judge people when it’s not her place to .

she likes to talk . not like , love . you could get her going in any conversation and she’ll take you down a rabbit hole until you’re talking about something so far from the original topic you had . 

literally she’s just an extremely friendly person . her biggest fear is knowing there’s people out there that don’t like her because she really does try her hardest to be nice to everyone she meets . even if they don’t deserve it .

not to say that she’s nice all the time --- she’s only human , of course she has her bad days . she’ll snap at you if you catch her on one but i promise you she’d apologize immediately after .

i wouldn’t say she’s a flirty kind of person but she can be quite the romantic if she wanted to be . her standards are high from years of watching cheesy romcoms with happy endings + she grew up with parents who always seemed very in love whenever they were together . can you really blame her for having high standards ?

she’s not the type to actively search out for romance , she just likes being friendly with people yk ?

and to go along with friendly her love languages are acts of service and gift giving so don’t be surprised if she shows up when you’re doing something just to help or do it for you , with a complimentary coffee in her hand for you .

、 ⠀ ་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐬  ›

i know it deep down in my heart that desirée has a pet hamster . i feel it in my bones and it feels right . and he’s named something stupid : hammy ( short not for hamster , but for hamburger )

the one thing des will never walk out of her house without is a disposable camera . she loves taking pictures when she’s out and about because , usually , she’s out with friends not by herself . she always wants to be prepared to catch important moments .

and she’s in the influencer house here in juniper lane . so like there’s that LMFDSKLJF

[thanaredreamtof]

Felicity placed her hand around his offered arm and smiled. How was this real life? She felt like she was in a dream, and any minute she could wake up. The comforting feeling that Floyd gave Felicity made her almost forget all her nerves, and she was only excited for the evening ahead.

As they walked into the grand room, Felicity’s breath caught in her throat. “I’ve never seen anything like it” she whispered, saying it more to herself than to Floyd. She gasped once again as her eyes found the artworks on the wall, “oh my god…that’s a Monet” she said, this time looking back to Floyd to see if he would share in her excitement. As she looked into his eyes again, she felt her heart beat skip over itself.

When he asked if she was alright, she nodded, giving him a sincere smile. “I am” she replied, feeling very secure in his presence. She looked back at the paintings that hung on the walls, not noticing his family at the time. She couldn’t help but laugh at his description of the people he pointed out. “Well look at the jewellery that actress is wearing” she whispered back, “if the weight of those jewels haven’t sunk the ship I think we are safe” she giggled.

She was overwhelmed with the fact that she was in the same room as an actress, and the architect of the ship, it was incredible, it was a dream, it was heaven, it was-

Floyd’s father approached them and called her a cartoonist. Some woman gave Felicity the most forced smile she’d ever seen. The same woman took Floyd’s arm. Felicity let her grip from his arm slip and she stood there, in an instant feeling isolated. While Floyd’s father hadn’t extended his hand to her, she hadn’t extended a single word to him, suddenly feeling as though her voice had been zapped from her.

She was about to answer to the cartoonist quip when Floyd answered for her. Her mouth shut again, and before she knew it the interaction was over. She was flabbergasted, and could only stand there with the politest of smiles she could muster. She heard some passing comment about whether or not she was mute.

Never mind the cutlery, she thought, she was going to have bigger problems than what spoon to pick up.

She gave Floyd a nervous smile as he pulled out her chair, noting how he did so for the other lady first. She felt foolish, what was she doing there? He was with someone else…or was he…did he wear a ring? Was he only interested in a friendship? Did she confuse this afternoons meeting for something it wasn’t?

Reality had dawned on her, she was a third class passenger, and for whatever reason, was at a first class table. Suddenly, she found herself wondering the same thing as everyone else.

What the hell was she doing there?

She sat down, grateful that Floyd was beside her. Across from her was his architect who had been with Floyd earlier that day. She smiled at him, and offered a hello, but she didn’t get anything back. Oh great, she thought.

And that was when an angel, or as close to one as she could get, arrived. An older woman took the seat next to Felicity, shooing some other business-looking-man away. “No, no, I’ll sit there thank you very much” the woman said and plonked herself beside the girl. She had one of the heaviest American accents Felicity had ever heard. “Well, you’re new” she said, at Felicity but to the table, “and pretty too”, it was clear she was a few glasses of champagne in.

Felicity stole a glance over to Floyd, her nervousness evident on her face. And then the dinner began, Felicity braced herself for what would be the strangest night of her life.

She could feel the eyes on her at the table, from Floyd’s father and his architect mostly. It seemed Floyd’s wife was occupied with Floyd himself, probably watching to see any sign of what this random girl at their dinner table meant to him.

“So Felicity…it was Felicity wasn’t it?” The architect began, having overhead her introduction to the woman beside her, “what are you…uh” he half chuckled, half coughed as he attempted to phrase his question, his mouth just on his fork. He glanced over a Floyd, looking for him to come in, and explain the situation .

♫ music

THE CAFE PARISIEN was the first real café at sea. full of parisian-inspired furnishings and climbing wall plants, it was a definite attempt to put a little bit of Europe into the heart of a British liner. located on the starboard side, the café was connected to the A la Carte Restaurant which would be where floyd would meet felicity later on for dinner. felicity, he couldn't get that name out of his head as his father talked on and on about current affairs. it had only been a few days on the Titanic and floyd's routine mirrored his life in new york city. the morning was for meetings, the afternoon for... other meetings and conversations with drinks and light refreshments, the night for dinner. it seemed that everything revolved around sitting, drinking, and conversations. it felt particularly more draining as there was no ways to escape his father. this father who made his fortune in the mine's gold production but who pushed his long lost dream of working in politics into him. floyd didn't learn how to say no to him, he was now stuck with a fiancé he barely loved to improve his image as a family man, and was now heading to new york city not just for usual business but to run for mayor. that meant endless speeches. he already had opponents claiming that he was incapable of saying anything not written for him in advance, and they were right. this wasn't his dream.

floyd checked his watch compulsively, waiting for the right moment to leave and meet felicity at their agreed spot. he rolled his eyes as soon as his father mentioned the same headline he had read on a newspaper ; "Lexington's run for City Hall", it read, with a satirical cartoon mocking him. his father had been furious for days about it, nagging his son to do something about his communication.

this was the perfect moment to mention that he had invited felicity for dinner. he omitted the third class passenger detail as it would've been too controversial, and instead highlighted her talent as an artist. "well perhaps she could draw a satirical drawing herself for one of our publications" he told him. only 5 minutes to go, he thought to himself. and the whole time he was thinking about her, it felt comforting, exciting. yet he couldn't embrace the fact he had a crush. no, she was just an interesting new friend, he tried to convince himself over and over. after a few minutes, he excused himself from the table.

he took a deep breath as he prepared himself to walk towards the third class outdoor area. it wasn't something a first-class passenger would typically do unless they had an issue with someone, which usually meant trouble for them. he knew he'd get some looks, even more so if he approached a woman to accompany him. good thing was, there was no way for any of his friends or family to see them as they all prepared for dinner. the sunset turned the dock into a rosy peach colored painting. and there she was, the breeze stirred the light fabric of her blue dress. she looked beautiful so much so he couldn't contain his smile.

"hi" he replied back. she seemed nervous and so was he. and he knew it'd be something he'd have to work on; making her feel at ease in an environnement that was so different from hers was now his responsibility. he put her through this after all and hoped his family would behave. he would feel like a failure if things ever went wrong. "it's not okay but..." he said, jokingly. "it's adequate" he added, smiling as he offered his arm for her to hold. "I'm only joking, you look wonderful. now shall we?"

as they walked towards the restaurant, they made their way to second-class promenade. "now don't get nervous, I'm here if you feel uncomfortable" he told her. "and if you get confused with the cutlery, just work from the outside and work your way in"

they left the deck and passed through one of the doors to the grand staircase.

"good evening, sir" a worker said. floyd nodded towards him.

and just like magic it felt like they were not on a ship but instead entering the hall of some great house. simple oak panelling covered the walls and with it intricate carved work. floyd then lead her to the curving staircase, walking slowly downstairs as he made sure she wouldn't fall. the balustrade had touches of bronze shining so brightly by the dreamy-like flood of light coming from the great dome above them and flowers only embellished it.

"are you alright?" he asked, he had to make sure she felt comfortable enough. they now entered the main dining saloon, where all the guests had gathered. he could see from afar his father and fiancé with other friends that would join them. then noticed a certain woman.

he quickly lowered his voice as he got closer to felicity. "there's dorothy gibson" he told her. "famous actress" she waved at him, perhaps sensing he was looking at her. how could he forget his manners. "I've personally never been a fan of her movies" he said, waving back at her with a polite smile.

he continued scanning the room. "oh thomas andrews. my advice, don't even bother saying hello, he'll drive you mad for hours about this supposedly unsinkable ship" lucky for him he didn't notice him. "you know it worries me, is he trying to convince us or himself?" he added, half jokingly. one thing he knew in this world, was how easily you could sell anything with exaggerated claims.

floyd's father, his fiancé and other few guests walked towards them. it was now time to dine. his father looked at felicity up and down for a second. "you must be the cartoonist" he told her.

"I apologize, I realize I haven't properly introduced Felicity. She's an artist, I invited her for dinner." he was sure it must've confused her and would have to explain to her later why he described her as a cartoonist.

his father didn't even reach out for a hand shake. it had only been a few seconds and things already seemed tense. as though a parasite had entered the room.

"very well" he only said, turning his back on her as everyone walked towards the table.

"welcome" floyd's fiancé told her with a overly polite smile, grabbing his arm as though to say he belongs to me. and as they walked to the table, floyd pulled out a chair for his fiancé, then for felicity. he knew it'd make his fiancé angry, yet found it extremely important for her to sit across from him so he could make sure she was okay.

[secretbangtnn]

summary : Getting a letter from a very prestigious school was something that you could have never expect, and even more unexpected was that you didn’t need to pay a penny for it. Beautiful news that were too good to be true, but oh how stupid you were to not question such a perfect chance to get away from your shitty life.

notes:

Guys i would be more than happy for some feedback, its my first time writing in english and im more than nervous. Im not sure if what i wrote is good or even understandable. + i would be more than happy to start an ask game with this book

Chapter one

Living or in your case existing was always somehow calm. Everything you do had a plan and everyday had the same pattern, like a boring vase that stood in the same kitchen you actually were. Blue marble tiles awfully similar to tears that run down the woman's cheeks, making them a little bit more redder than before.

Not that they weren't that color before, always blushy and ready to be seen. And maybe that's why you had that sour taste in your mouth while watching them, knowing that your own were as beautifully red as hers.

"why?" a simple question sounding now like the last call for help. Voice groggy and nose runny making the sight before even more unbearable to look at. But why weren't you moved, why the tears didn't make you guality like they should. "you planned this?! You planned to leave me alone like a selfish bastard!"

Looking down didn't seem like the best option, knowing that it could just take the nerves in the room to a whole new level but you could not stop yourself. She was always one to guilt trip you into everything.

A little shout left the chapped mouth making you jump a little while lifting your head simultaneously. Sight before you seems to worsen and as you took a step back the woman took another two in the end catching your small wrist in her clawed hand.

Hissing and looking dead in her eyes made you somehow more conscious of the whole situation.

“I didn’t know.” and you really did not. Gritting your teeth so hard that it felt like some of them could fall out at any moment seems to stop you from doing sudden movements.

Breathe in and breathe out.

“Of course you think I am stupid! Just like your father, bringing me to insanity step by step. But that’s what you wanted from the beginning, am I right?”

“Stop being delusional mom” Oh how hard it was to say the name of that woman. Mother of child that she forgets most of the time, only to remember at the most shitty time. Today was exactly one of the examples of why your dream was just to wake up not seeing or better not having to think of that woman.

“Am i now? It’s you who wants me like this.” She laughed, throwing her head back in the motion. Elegant column of her neck now easy to see, showing purple and red marks similar to those from claws. “You thought I would not know, you thought you could just run away like a scared little child. Now tell me, how long were you planning this o-or maybe it was your father’s plan from the beginning.”

“I didn’t know about it, I didn’t even apply to any of the schools and you are the one that should know that.” toxicity leaked from your voice in big streams, but it was something that u could not stop at that moment. She was doing it again, acting crazy and psycho making everyone question why she wasnt getting hospital help yet.

“So you are saying that it’s my fault? You were supposed to care for me, for your ill mother, not that you are useful for anything else. How could you even think of disappearing, going to school so far away and leaving me to rot here myself like you were not meant to end like this too!”

Snatching your hand you looked at the woman once again, tears in eyes making you look fragile. Her own body looking weak, nearly dead limbs hanging from a malnourished body, showing the world wrack of a woman she was. Complexion ill looking, but what was not in her case, pale looking with green, purple and blue spots everywhere the skin was shown.

“Why are you being so shocked? Don’t tell me you thought you were going to leave someday.” Her laugh made you grit your teeth, jaw starting to hurt from the tension you were keeping. “Once again you showed how foolish you are, just like your father, just like that scumbag.”

“You are insane.”

“That we already know, so why don’t you come back to your room and start preparing for tomorrow. I want to eat a really nice breakfast next morning and maybe then after we can talk about what job you are going to have to make a living for us.”

And that was your sign to go, not looking back at the sick smirk on your mother mouth momocking your whole being. Step by step you saw the old stairs, in some place missing the color. Your room was nothing special, at least that what people said, for you it was some type of heaven. Peace that you could only catch while being there, laying on your old bed while looking at the dull ceiling.

Closing the door, you exchaled a heavy breath, sliding down on the flat surface of the door. Eyes closed like you have always done after an intense situation, today was not an exception to that.

Asking yourself what just happened, how and why. Unconsciously you looked at the letter beside you, laying so weirdly on the piece of not carpeted floor. The big fault in a little piece of paper. It was funny how this thing made such a bad influence on your life just by arriving on your doorstep.

The fact that the only person you could compare yourself to now is a story character of the name Harry was nearly not as funny as it sounded. However how u can explain getting a letter from a prestigious school you for sure did not apply or even looked up not even thinking about getting a scholarship to having a chance to think about it.

By any chance you were not stupid, but your ambitions flew away with another day in this shit hole you called home. Main reason being your own mother, which not only made it clear but for sure would kill you faster than let you leave.

You took the letter, keeping it in your hand like some unknown object you have never seen before. The texture itself is weird, making you shiver in some way. Big letter stood on the black piece of paper meaning only one thing.

Oh yes, that definitely was unsetting.

You remember clearly the first time you read the words that were put in this blank envelope. Big chance waiting for you, welcoming you with big arms and assuring you that you have nothing to be scared of.

And maybe those words were the one that brought you to that situation. It was not even three hours after the fight with your mother. Sun long down now moon shining on your pale face. Packing everything you tried to be quiet and quick hoping that your mother again ate too much of those big pills.

Big bag now laying down on your bed with a small letter beside it looking as innocent as before. You were not even seventeen making decisions that would cost you more then you can imagine. Living hell with possibility of going to another but in that moment nothing mattered like running away from old monsters.

Floor cracked under your feet even thought you were considered as a lightweight. How could you not be so malnourished when your mother forced you to teach yourself how to cook, never letting you eat before her. You tried to reason her moods or harsh behaviour to you but no matter how many times you tried it always ended in another reason why your life was just simply sad.

Running away was a good decision. You tried to say it so many times to actually believe in those empty words. The truth was that you were an innocent little child, not even a full adult that has never tasted a social life or had a friend.

“It will be alright.” Taste on your tongue after saying this a little sour with a heavy backpack danglin on your right arm. One step and then another, you touched the cold handle of your white doors. It was the first move to make and probably one of the hardest.

Bag on your arm is even more heavy making you realise what is happening. Silent breath flowed past your lips preparing you for your next step.

You pushed it closing it carefully while hoping that the oldish touch to the wood wont make an appearance in a loud noise. Silly smile now seen on your face with big relief in the back of your mind. The hardest part was just before you.

Your mothers room, not fully closed - like always, she needed to make sure nobody would come uninvited. It was just one of her weird characteristics that came with such a messed up mental health.

Small noise came out under your feet, not loud enough to wake up the woman next door but audible enough to be heard from closer.

Photos all around you telling you that you were getting near the main door. Little pictures with you inside faded from ears of hanging, making you stop for a while.

Smooth glass now under your fingers as you touch a specific photo. You and your mother being in the green garden of your grandmas. Happy vibe and pretty smiles now nearly unbelievable to witness on either of faces. It hurted or maybe it was just the adrenaline escaping from a sudden stop.

Oh how the sweet monet was quickly destroyed by the harsh noise from one of the rooms, and you exactly know which one. Loud thud rang out in the quietness of the house, making the silence even more noticable. Your breath escaped leaving you in a big ball of nerves and anxiety.

One...two...three

Silence like the one before big storms but maybe just this time it was not that. You couldn't withdraw now, you were too far and too close to the feeling of freeness. So you did the only thing that came to your mind.

Catching a sliding backpack, you turned to the door in front of you, knowing that just behind them is waiting something so much bigger than your old mother. How stupid for you to not rethink your decision, and believing your innocent mind that its just a good thing, better life that could only make you happier.

So you did it, you took the heavy steps that echoed in the narrow corridor. Light breeze touched your face, and just like the first time you gasped at the feeling. Door closing not that gently as you started running as fast as you could.

Silly smile now on your face with a bouncing bag on your shoulders keeping you on the hard ground. It was feeling similar to the first sight of the ocean or the first taste of sweet ice cream on a hot summery morning. You were in ecstasy choked by the overwhelming emotions.

And maybe because of that you were completely unaware of the danger that waited for you on that chilly night. How could you think about it when everything seemed so distracting almost as you were dreaming and in that moment you probably were closer to believing in this being a slumber.

So as you sat on the cold bench of one of the parks near your home, realization finally came silencing your beating heart. Colder weather now felt more real, as it bit your rosy cheeks. You shivered, keeping your backpack on your lap, trying to hide behind it from a chilly wind that seemed like it came from every side.

Being alone hit you like a truck and the little noises of the night didn't help your rising nerver. You started to lose your breath, feeling your tears sliding down your numb cheeks. It was terrifying now with the knowledge of your wellbeing and adrenaline wearing off with every second.

“Mom?” A silent plea that came out of your lips with shakiness that was more than noticeable. You didn't know why you said that, but the woman was probably the only person you knew. Such a sad truth that you needed to understand. You were alone now, and with that thought a more shameless sobs left your mouth with an occasional whimper.

You were sure you were going to end up dead. That you won't see the new sunset with how your body shivered. Not knowing how life worked or what is bad or good you were a little lamb that waited for hungry wolves to eat her whole.

And maybe one of those predators just saw his next meal. Long strides brought him just in front of you. Your sobs are too loud to make you hear his boots coming closer and closer. His breath just centimeters away from your head, brushing your hair like the not forgotten wind.

“Sweetheart?” It was a calming voice, not too deep but definitely belonging to a grown man. Your posture momentaly stiffened, as your closed eyes now looked at the big leather shoes before you. Your whole body is not moving, only shivering because of the chilly weather and light clothes. It was funny how suddenly you have forgotten about being alone, now wanting just this, wishing for all of this to be a big nightmare.

A deep sight left man's lips reminding you about the realness of the whole situation. You could not move, completely scared, your fingers clutched the bad praying for something to happen. The plan to just act like you were not there, ignoring the man fastly ended, when he sighted once again and crouched just to your eye level.

Deep brown eyes, looking at you with nothing but softness. If you didn’t know better you would say the man looked as if he knew you, cared and was in big relief finding you. But your mother's words echoed in your head, making you believe that every man walking on this planet is bad.

“What are you doing here sweetheart?” Once more this deep voice pierced you. Your mouth opens to answer, deeply knowing that nothing will come out. You just looked in his dark eyes, wishing that maybe he will be the one who can read minds. His eyes now on you, more concerned than before, observing your shivering body.

He was tall and broad for sure, towering over your figure surprisingly even while crouching down. His huge shoulders covered by a creamy coat which now was getting dirty by laying down on a pavement, as it partly hid his expensive looking boots.

Too distracted you didn't notice his hand coming to touch your red cheek, now gently stroking the redness of your skin.

“What a poor soul, so cold and left alone without a coat. Tell me sweetheart would you come and let me warm you a little?”