#and don't be a bitch because someone had a meltdown they couldn't control

[platinum-horizons]

4

edit: 4 was NOT supposed to be there i dont know how it happened

Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.

I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.

I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.

[chiefbeifongcanrailme]

Hello!! I would like to request a Linzin fic, when tenzin broke up with lin ofc she is mad but then suddenly starts bleeding, thats when they realize she has been pregnant but it was just a cryptic pregnancyy and her losing her period weren't her going into menopause.

The story basically is just Tenzin trying to get her forgiveness, and lin being "Would you be here knealing if I wasn't pregnant?" I want it to hurt ok🥰

Hello! Here is my attempt at a painful cryptic pregnancy Linzin. I hope this is what you were looking for.

It was that damned healer. That waterbending, icy bitch of a woman- who told her that she was done for couldn't have been more wrong. Lin should've gone to Katara. Spirits, she should have seen Kya instead.

Because now there she was, dismembered in a way she never thought her crime-fighting days could land her. Thankfully, every part of her body was still intact. What she was losing now was nothing she was born with.

The bathroom floor was bright red. Her vision kept shifting from black to red and back.

She only allowed herself to give in to the darkness when she felt the door to her house fling open from under her feet. Someone had entered her home. Someone was looking for her. Someone was going to find her. Someone was going to save both of them.

For the first time, Lin felt pain in her body like never before. This hurt far more than breaking a rib or getting stabbed in the thigh. Her emotions were unfathomable. To think she felt grief for something she never knew she had.

Her entire life would've been upside down had she known this whole time.

"What? A cryptic pregnancy...,"

"Will she be- will they both be—"

"Lin didn't know! She couldn't have known!"

"If you would please just let me see her..."

Lin was in an out of consciousness for what felt like days. Really, it had only been a few hours but it felt like a whole lifetime went by. She couldn't work out whose voices they were. It all felt like she had voices inside her head.

Sleep took over once again. This time it was quiet, dark and numb, like in a vacuum.

The first thing Lin realized was that she could feel her eyelids on her eyes. Her hand twitched, reminding herself that her body was whole. She was still very much there. Her toes wiggled in response. Slowly her fingers contracted, and she forced her eyes open.

She saw more red. This time accompanied with yellow.

What was he doing here? Who let him in? Don't people know better? She didn't destroy Air Temple Island for nothing after all, did she? Some destruction her meltdown had caused. That was the only time she lost control of her bending. Her emotions were volcanic- they had consumed her being, soul and body, and exploded all over the Island.

How was Tenzin both the only and the last person she wanted to see?

“Lin!” He cried, almost to himself.

Lin stirred slowly. She suddenly remembered why her body wasn’t moving earlier. Everything hurt.

“Hey, hey slow down,”

He had leapt off his seat to stand beside her, one hand on her shoulder to stay her movements.

“What are you doing here?” She asked through gritted teeth, pushing all the pain to the back of her mind.

“We almost lost you. I couldn’t—”

“As far as you’re concerned, consider me lost.”

“Lin, she’s alive,” he whispered over her. His shaky hands captured her palm and brought it up to kiss her knuckles.

Lin lost her voice too. There was a lump in her throat now. There was no admission needed, a wave of acceptance came over her.

Motherhood.

Tenzin’s kisses were wet on her hand. When her eyes shifted to him, she saw tears rolling down his face.

“Where- where is—” she managed to croak out.

“In the other room,” he replied, gesturing to the left. “The chief healer is there, caring for both of you. The baby is healthy and happy. And she looks just like you. Just as beautiful. She’s got jet black hair and your eyes and-and—”

“Tenzin, stop.”

The airbender gaped at her.

“You don’t get to be a part of this. You don’t get to just walk in here and take what you want. That’s my child.”

“That’s our child.”

“There is no our because there is no us, Tenzin. That’s my child and—”

“And that’s also my child.”

“How do you know she’s yours?”

He was spellbound. The most joyous moment of his life had reduced to a pit in his stomach. But he knew better. She was saying that just to hurt him. When he peered into that child's eyes, he knew she was his.

“Lin, come on. Please don’t say that.”

But she continued to glare daggers at him.

Just then, hearing the voices, the very chief healer entered the room. She was an old woman, one of the few who were trained by Katara personally. Where was she when she stopped bleeding all those months go? “Oh, look. Mom is awake.”

Lin offered her a weak smile.

“Your little girl is a fighter,” she said, walking over to Lin's bed. “She's a stubborn one- the girl was determined to live.”

Lin audibly masked a sniffle, but Tenzin caught it.

“She gets that from her mother,” he said with a smile.

“Oh, we’re well aware. Captain Beifong, you fought through too. Valiantly, so. If it were up to me, this ordeal alone should make you Chief.”

“Can I see my baby?” Lin asked.

The woman nodded happily, pushing Lin's hair behind her ear affectionately before stepping out of the room.

They swiftly turned to look at each other. “I’m sorry, Lin. I’m so sorry.”

Lin bit back tears by biting her cheek.

“You don’t- you don’t get to…” she whispered, shaking her head in denial.

“We can work this out. We never should’ve ended things.”

“You’re not even in love with me…” Her voice was hoarse.

“Lin, I’m crazy about you. You and only you. And now that mini-you you just brought into this world.”

“What about your soulmate?”

Tenzin slapped his forehead. “The acolyte? She’s so far driven from reality, she wouldn’t know a soul from a chair.”

Lin almost let herself chuckle with relief. But she didn't. She couldn't just laugh off the thing that Tenzin allowed to weaponize against their relationship.

“No,” she said. “No, you can’t- I’m vulnerable right now. You can’t snake your way back into my life. If it wasn’t for my pregnancy- if it wasn’t for nearly losing your child, you wouldn’t have even been here. You would be with your soulless chair mate on your cold, lifeless Island. You’re dead to me, Tenzin.”

“Lin, of course, I would. I would always be there for you. Please—”

“You value your legacy far more than you’ve ever loved me. I kept putting your first and you kept making me fight for footnotes in your life.”

“That is not true!”

“Oh, but it is!”

“Lin, I have always been in love with you. I can't remember a time in my life when I haven't loved you, truly.”

“Then why would you leave me for her? Why when I had just found out that I couldn't bear you the airbenders you so wanted. The unborn children you put before me, a whole person you claim to be so in love with.”

“I was wrong. I was so very wrong," he cried, head in his hands. "I didn't know you couldn't have children. You pushed me into Pema's arms—”

“Don't you utter her name!”

Tenzin sighed. “You told me to be with her. That she would give me my airbenders. I only did that to free you from my burdens. You didn't deserve to—”

The door creaked open again, the same healer returning with their child in her arms. The two of them fell silent immediately.

“Here, Lin. Do you want to hold her?” The healer asked.

Lin’s sniffle was enough of a response.

As she cradled her arms- as best as she knew anyway- the healer slowly placed the baby in her mother's embrace. She was so little- so much smaller than Lin imagined. She could no longer hold back her tears.

She felt Tenzin’s hand on her shoulder.

“She’s perfect,” he whispered.

“She is,” Lin replied, feeling placated like never before. She eased up. Her mind was no longer clouded- clarity had taken over. “I can’t believe we created that.”

“I can,” he replied, kissing her head.

“Don’t make me ask you to leave,” she said, curtly.

“I’m never leaving, Lin.”

She huffed, side eyeing him as she prepared herself for what she was about to say. She felt certain about her decision.

“You’re leaving, Tenzin. I will allow you to be a part of my daughter’s life so long as you vow to stay out of mine.”

Tenzin watched her, heart beating faster in his chest, as she glared at him with storms in her eyes. He didn’t have the words to respond.

“You stay on your Island and I stay in my city. We only have our exchanges on the ferry. I will not step foot onto Air Temple Island and if you so much as even breathe Republic City’s air, I will arrest you and have you sent to the Dai Li’s prison in Ba Sing Se.”

“Lin, that can’t be sustainable—”

“I don’t care what you think.”

Lin pressed her baby into her bosom. Nothing mattered anymore. Her entire life would be dedicated to protecting this baby.

Tenzin would do the same, she trusted him that much. He would be a good father to her. She would have to find a way to be okay with that acolyte being a part of her daughter's life. But perhaps, that would happen with time.

“I love you. And I respect your wishes. But can you grant me just this one thing?”

“What is it?”

“Can we have one moment? Just a single moment where we, as her parents, hold her together with love. If I am to leave you alone, I just need a glimpse of what might’ve been to keep me going.”

Lin sighed.

“Let’s- let’s name her,” he suggested, realizing that he was babbling. “Together. Right now. That’s all.”

“Sure,” she gave out a low huff of defeat.

Lin shifted on the bed as Tenzin took a seat beside her. He placed one hand under Lin’s, supporting their daughter’s head while his other arm ran around her waist. He squeezed her into his embrace and as much as she wanted to fight it, she gave in and rested her head against his chest. It felt right. As if the entire universe conspired to allow her just this one moment. Even if it wasn't made to last.

“How do you like the name Dalha?”

Lin scrunched her nose in disgust. She kissed her daughter’s head, making her coo in a way that made Lin’s heart flutter.

“What about Meng?”

“No,” Lin replied with a gasp. A yawn escaped her mouth urging Tenzin to pull her tighter.

“Jin?”

Lin gave her baby a cheeky a smile and said, “Don’t worry, kid. I won’t let your daddy name you anything as unsavory like that.”

“Well, daddy is trying. Mommy hasn’t made a single contribution.”

Lin huffed. “How about Lila?”

“I love that name. Lila Beifong. We could call her Lili too!” Tenzin glanced over at Lin only to find her looking straight at him. There was a softness in her eyes. He cupped her face with one hand and drew her in. His lips slowly met hers. It had been far too long since he had kissed her. Lin melted against his touch- she was exhausted. She just needed to be held, to feel loved- if only for a moment.

Tenzin continued kissing her, smiling, making the most of the moment with the mother of his child- the only woman he wanted to kiss for the rest of his life.

When they pulled apart, Lin passed Lila on to Tenzin to hold. He delicately held her as Lin wiped her dried up tears with her palms.

“Say your goodbyes.”

Tenzin bit his bottom lip. “Thanks.” He admired his daughter, he couldn’t help but smile. A joy so unfathomable, he couldn't wrap his head around the grief that was yet to set in. “I love you so much,” he whispered to Lila. “You’re my world, Lili. You and your mother, you're my earth, my air, my everything.” He kissed the top of Lila's head before handing her back to Lin.

He stood up, and knowing she wouldn’t stop him, he planted a kiss on Lin’s forehead one last time. “I love you. And I always will.”

“I'll be sure to thank Saikhan for letting you know of my whereabouts. If it weren't for him, you never would've found us."

"Lin, I would've found you with or without my intel. Who, by the way, wasn't Saikhan."

"Who was it then?" she asked.

Tenzin chanced another kiss to her cheek and replied. "I'll save that story for the ferry when I pick Lila up next week."

“Fine,” she said softly, but there was a hint of a smile in her voice.

Tenzin beamed, making his way over to the door. “I’m going to win you back, Beifong. Just you wait. I look forward to those thirty minutes on Yue Bay.”

Before Lin could conjure up the metal tray beside her into mini spheres to throw in his direction, the airbender was gone.

[differentalpacafestival]

Life Fucking Sucks

Today's breakdown. I'm not sure if it's a meltdown as I still don't understand what a meltdown entails, but I cried. A lot.

It started yesterday when I got up. I'm not studying, and I'm unemployed due to my disabilities, one of which being autism.

So I didn't get up until noon, coinsidentally after my mom went to take a nap. She didn't get up until 4pm (which is a normal lenght nap for her, being almost 60 and disabled), and said her niece was talking about calling. She said it wasn't a guarantee, and she had to eat and properly wake up before doing anything anyway. I asked her if she wanted to go to an all-purpose store, I think it could compare to Target just smaller; Rusta. Then my cousin called, and they didn't hang up until around 7pm, about two hours before closing. Now, we live about half hour away from the closest store, and we like to just stroll and look at everything when in a store like Rusta since they have so many different things. So we decided that we would wait until today.

Que today. About an (two now, I'm just proof-reading) hour ago, actually. Me being my empathetic, autistic self, I've cared for a house fly that got stuck in glue these last two days, and today, she was gone. I don't know if she's dead, but she liked to roam around and hide, and after looking where I left her yesterday, she wasn't there. So this made me a little upset because she had so much personality, and due to the glue, she couldn't fly anymore. Her wings got folded and I couldn't fix them, which is why I cared for her in the first place. Anyhow, when I went to the bathroom, I saw my first pet fly whom I thought to be dead for like two weeks now, so I felt a little better seeing her still alive. You see, she, too, has an injury where her right wing looks to be broken at the joint - it sticks out instead of along her body. This makes her easily recognizable, plus she is also very affectionate (I don't know, nor care if this is even possible, but she was stuck to my hand for an entire day, even when I moved and ate.)

Then my mom asked if I could try to get ready to go by 4pm; half an hour. 3:45 we were ready, so my mom called to my brother (who also isn't studying and currently unemployed) that we were leaving. This POS decided he wanted to tag along. He is the typical stereotype of a gamer; Headset hair, up all night playing online, yelling into the microphone, and rarely gets out of his room. As if this wasn't enough, the two of them went to the store two days ago, so I had absolutely no reason to expect him joining. This wouldn't necessarily be an issue if we didn't have an insanely small car for a 6"3 dude and two overweight people - Hyundai i20 2012. I also need music at least one way (to or from,) to which my brother detests with his whole being as he is overstimulated by music. Now, you might think to yourself "Why don't you just wear a headset or earplugs?" - Because they overstimulate me. The only way for all of us to be comfortable, is if me and my brother isn't in the car at the same time. So when he said he was also coming, I broke. Well, actually, first I panicked, frantically looked for earplugs to no avail, then I broke. I went back out to grab my things from the car and told them I couldn't handle the entire drive without music so I was staying home. My mom followed me back inside and asked if I couldn't just use her earplugs - ew - and I explained to her that I just can't bring myself to. It's so hard to try to explain sensory overload and the need for a plan, even if I can't control everything, to someone who doesn't work the same way. The problem, I told her, is that I was prepared for just the two of us; I wanted it to be just the two of us. We have a very sarcastic relationship, calling each other bitch and whatnot, so when I back out all of a sudden - especially when the whole reason any of us were going in the first place, was because I wanted to - while crying, and being honest, she knows it's serious. So she suggested that we leave tomorrow instead, just the two of us, because she is expecting a package that needs to be picked up. With that, they left, and I sat here crying non stop for an hour before I figured it might help to write it down. Now every time I look at the clock in the living room, I cry knowing I couldv'e been at Rusta, or singing with my mom in the car to Queen.

I want to blame this on my brother since he knows I need music and still decided to join; but I know he also has autism, even though he's not diagnosed (I am, and our primary doctor suggested he might benefit from seeing a specialist too, but bro is too worried people will then treat him the way he has treated other autistics, so he refuses) and therefore also has his sensory needs. I have no idea, still, why he acted to impulsively.

I've stopped crying and calmed down, but I'm still not okay. This completely ruined my day, and I suspect the shit from earlier this year is also catching up and attacked when I was at my weakest.

My aunt died in May from years of treatment and chemo for cancer, was given her terminal date and beat that by another month or so

My dad's cousin's husband (whom I truly look at as my uncle) also got diagnosed recently with cancer and doctors say he'll be lucky to make it to the end of the year. He was in horrible shape for three months before a doctor took him seriously (he also hid his pain extremely well) and then discovered a cancer in his lymph nodes that had severely progressed and could no longer be safely operated on.

My best friend's house was put to foreclosure as both her parents fucking suck at financials, and her dad is literally over 5 million in debt and proceeded to fucking burn the letter sent to his wife warning about this (since she also pays for the house,) causing both of them to get sued for not paying, so my best friend had to loan a million to buy her own house back and is now the sole owner. Her sketchy ass boyfriend also proposed and they're engaged.

My cousin's son was visiting in Spain and got attacked by some scam artists when he refused to bite into their scheme. He has been in and out of the hospital since he got back home in April. Police in Spain, as far as I understood from my mother's rambling, did nothing about the scammers.

My other cousin was wanted for months for multiple crimes including growing weed, car theft, running from police and a possible accomplice to murder, and then fucking decided to move to Spain (thus causing his nephew to get attacked), and posponed selling his house to the tenants living there, talking to at least one other potential buyer who got his contact from his friends; our mutual cousin, and FINALLY deciding to sell to the tenants who had gotten a huge, risky loan just for that. I think that actually started last year, and he, just a month ago, agreed.

On top of all this, my own mental health has been really up and down all year with all this Israel-Gaza shit, and I still grieve from two losses in 2022. I think this was a long time coming, I just needed something to push me over the edge.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalks. Questions are always welcome, and I will see you all in the next episode o7

[songmingisthighs]

I have resurfaced from hanging out with cthulhu

nahh jk it's been a bad 3-4 days

but i'm gonna rant about what happened

I had an "argument" with someone and that "argument" caused a physical reaction (me crying obvi) that triggered a whole issue with my parents (esp my mom) which then triggered a behaviour most of you wouldn't approve of. I couldn't sleep until 10 am the next day and after i epke up, I spent the rest of the day just crying in bed, trying to calm myself down, but basically chilling in my depression hole while thinking or planning on how i can talk to the person i "argued" with bc i wanna talk like rational adults. but then the next day, i woke up to a hate message from the person i "argued" with and i was being blamed for something i had NOTHING to do nor do i have control of and then the argument continued while i was still having a concussion but this time another person dmed me and started a whole "you put yourself in a situation you're not supposed to be in". and also, i was put on an anon blast with accusatory statements but without the explanation of what happened or even my side of the story and that painted me as the WORST type of person/friend ever. and that led me to a whole new level of depression and thoughts a lot of you would be worried about like you'd call the cops on me or smth. thankfully i had enough sense to seek help from a friend and we vced and she kinda talked me down and talked some sense into me. and kinda made me feel understood and supported because i legit blamed myself for the whole issue, thinking that maybe those two people were right, but apparently my side was totally valid and understandable considering the circumstance. bc crazy part is, this whole "argument" was based on a pattern this person does that in the past had caused two communities to completely implode and revealed the other parties as crazy ass bitches bc of the drama they created. I'm just trying to hold onto the little amount of friends i have made bc i don't make a lot of friends bc it's hard for me.

initially i had such a bad breakdown and meltdown because of like 20000 stress piling on me with no support and my parents making everything worse. but when i woke up to the hate message and accusation and the my partner > you thing, it kinda truly broke my heart and broke the trust i made on friends or having friends. I spent years building that trust only for it to be broken down in one easy swing

in conclusion, i'm dealing with a sans!hwa situation (not completely ofc) and yes i'm (y/n) in this scenario and the two people i seek counsel from are sans!woosan

no bc how are you supposed to function after being told "that's my partner, ofc i'm gonna side with her" from your (maybe to them it's former at this point) best friend ??? and the other person just wanted me to drop it just because while i've been carrying my burden and pain while they happily pushed all the blame on me

truly i should've been worried when my ex started making sense

anyways that's the gist of the shit i'm dealing with. have y'all missed my socially awkward crazy ass self ???

[spoonieboy]

cw: mental hospital, mistreatment, brief suicide mention

every once in awhile i think about when i was in the grippy sock center. they gave me prozac one of the mornings and by the time we went out to the courtyard, it was already impacting me. I looked up at the 3 story roofline, spotted an access door i hadn't noticed before, and immediately caught myself wondering how to get up there so i could jump. this was a new feeling, tho the nuance is hard to describe. i also had a sudden increase in agitation and couldn't control myself. didn't help that they sent a girl home who explicitly told us she wasn't ready & she'd end it if they sent her back. and they still sent her home. I couldn't contain my anger and went to the bedroom, flipped the mattress against the wall, and beat it until i was a sobbing mess on the bare bed frame.

my 'tantrum' earned me a visit with the head doc to discuss my behavior. I told them I couldn't take it again tomorrow, that i hated how i felt and they told me that that was impossible - that it was all in my head. (to a fucking mental health patient!!!) 💀 So i tried to explain that i metabolize meds faster than most but she cut me off, told me i was lying, and that i couldn't POSSIBLY feel the effects of the meds for at least 2 weeks. i tried to have calm words but had a meltdown instead. i don't remeber what happened afterwards.

next morning, i flat out refused the meds. luckily it was my favorite nurse and when she pushed a lil to try and encourage me to take it, i broke down crying, told her what happened, and she stopped. She took the meds back and seemingly had words with the prescribing doc bc i had a new med to try a short while later in the day.

lo & behold, i have eds! meds process Hella fast for me. its almost like thats a thing! 🤔 surprise, surprise!

i just wanna go back & give that lady a proper bitch slap and a stern talking to, frankly. i cannot fathom how someone so rude & callous was supposed to be in charge of all these broken kids. i, at 14, voluntarily checked myself into a mental hospital because i was ready to end my life. thats not the sort of situation where you talk down to, insult, and berate someone!! you treat them with gentle compassion and kindness! like they fucking need!!!!!

ugh.

the only things i'm grateful for in that time were the two therapy dogs, occupational therapy, art therapy, the math teacher who was so kind, gentle, and understanding - and the fact that they ended up taking 12 vials of blood to discover that my entire ass thyroid had completely dumped itself. i ended up needing levo for 2 years afterwards.

abt that math teacher, i was so defensive bc i was really struggling with math at the time and had never been treated at my own pace before, but this guy was nothing but sweet, patient, and encouraging. he didn't make fun of me for what i didn't know, didn't pressure me to go faster, just celebrated what i did manage to accomplish and gently helped me through the items i was struggling with. when i couldn't bring myself to do the math, he let me tidy up & organize his classroom, which was relaxing for me. that guy was a Prime example of the type of person who should be working there. math, in that short time, became somewhere i wanted to linger rather than run from because i felt safe there. thank you, mr. math teach. i wish i remembered your name. i appreciate you more than you know.

anyways, if you've read this far, why? honestly? lol. but idk, thank you for letting me share. writing this down helped me let go of some of those angry feelings i've been holding onto about it.

if you need to go to a mental hospital in VA, try to avoid the richmond one 💀 thats all i'll say.