#and don’t get me started on how fuckin weird cis men are to u. even if they’re supportive they still treat u different than other men

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coming out as a trans man has been one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done but also one of the most challenging. all of your relationship dynamics change so fast and trying to navigate it blindly is super fucking hard. I wish I could articulate it well

[pocmuzings]

A GUIDE BARELY ANYBODY ASKED FOR: writing smut foreplay 101.

NOTE: every body is different. every person likes different things, and reacts different ways. i’m writing from my various personal experiences as a Self Assigned Hoe, also the self titled Smut Queen of the rpc. NONE OF THIS IS DEFINITIVE. if you’re unsure- ask your writing partner first. always.

pls be warned this is quite nsfw and straight up Filth. it also is written from my perspective as a cis-gender, pansexual woman.

IMPORTANT OOC STUFF:

always, always keep communication to your rp partner open. consent is sexy. especially with writing.

gauge the mood. if you suggest something to your writing partner and they just say ‘yeah’ or ‘ok’... don’t take it as 100% go ahead. sometimes people, especially in the rpc, will say yes just because they don’t know how to say no. an ENTHUSIASTIC YES is really really good and necessary!!!

vice versa, make sure you tell your partner if you’re not comfortable with something. if you said yes to begin with to writing a scene, but slowly u start feeling uncomfortable and weird... guess what? U CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND!!! I GUARANTEE U NOBODY WILL BE MAD! IF THEY ARE- DUMP THEM AS A WRITING PARTNER!  change your mind whenever u want, about whatever u want. writing is meant for u. its meant for u to be comfortable. ur lil safe kinky space, if u so wish it to be!

talk to ur partner. be their pal. be their fwend. writing smut can escalate v quickly, and if ur not an active talker to ur writing partner, then sometimes things can get misconstrued, or uncomfortable. even if it’s just a check in like ‘HEY HOW WAS UR DAY’ or ‘is what im writing ok????? i love when ur character does ___’ or idk. just be comfortable and friendly!!!

u don’t have to write paragraphs and paragraphs of smut. just.. give a lil detail though. give a lil smth to ur writing partner. like any other reply, just writing one sentence is not really enough for another writer to reply to.

GENERAL SEX TIPS THAT I’VE PICKED UP THAT HELP ME WITH WRITING:

anal is super popular and super wanted atm. i’m not going to say it’s a ‘trend’, bc it’s not really. but it’s definitely becoming more and more mainstream. this DOESN’T MEAN u have to do it / write it, but just know that most ppl atm are on the butt train (yahoo!). so.. yeah, expect anal to be a ~written abt thing or Wanted thing

other ‘popular’ kinks i’ve noticed atm (through fb groups im part of and just friends in general) are choking, and spanking. but this is NOT everybody’s kink. just bc it’s ‘popular’ doesn’t mean its right for ur character. kinky, rough sex is becoming more mainstream i’ve noticed.

a handjob is like.... not ever super wanted. it’s a handjob. it’s not the greatest thing in the world. as far as sexy things go, this is basic tier. a handjob is better than nothing, but i don’t rlly know anybody who actively wants a handjob.

same with fingering- look, fingering is fine, and it can get things in motion, but it’s really hard to orgasm from fingering. i’d say borderline impossible, but this is just from me (and, again, the gals in my lives) experience. fingering is GOOD as a beginning saucy movement, just like a handjob is good to begin with.. but climaxing from it is not Super Likely.

cum is messy and gets everywhere. everywhere. 

pre-cum is a thing. discharge is a thing. women getting wet is a thing. it’lll happen. it’s messy. it’s a lot sometimes, and it’s really.. slick (idk how else to explain it, but it helps with the MOVEMENT of things greatly). it’s good to write abt bc guess what? it means somebody is turned on! this is GOOD

look a ‘tight vagina’ or whatever u wanna call it, is not a Good Thing, bc it means a person isn’t turned on enough / wet enough

when writing basically anything about genitalia... use spit. oh my god use so much spit. be disgusting with how much spit is there, bc u need that as LUBE (unless ur writing ur characters using lube!!!)

write vocal characters. in my experience, nobody is ever 100% quiet during sexy times. if ur character is being touched in a way they like, trust me- they’ll be moaning. they’ll be rocking their hips. they’ll be whispering more, more, more, yeah, like that etc.

if writing rough sex, have a safe word for the characters ic. practice safe sex even with writing! safe words are rlly good bc they also actually help create a safe ooc environment too!! that way, if somebody doesnt want to say smth ooc, they can say it ic, and hopefully feel more comfortable 

write realistic sex. pls. write about the awkward noises. or the accidental wrong movement. or the laughing. sex isn’t always magnificent and beautiful. it’s clumsy and silly. and it’s fun to write it that way, bc.. look, smut is meant to be fun! so make it fun! write it as fun and silly and goofy as u want!!!!

yes cis-men have the prostate and its located in the butthole fdnjkfjkndf. but u can’t write ur character just shoving a finger in a butt. characters, just like people ooc, need to maintain communication before trying anything ‘new’ like that. safe sex everyone!!!

don’t go straight to what’s between the legs. neck kisses. nipples. breasts, back scratch, dirty talk... this is all VERY IMPORTANT to foreplay. don’t ever use write ur characters diving on in, especially not to female muses bc female bodies work v differently. we need waRMING UP! we need a lil teasing.

write hand movement! write where your characters hands are. are they carded through hair? are they gripping sheets? are they clawing at someone’s back? digging into scalps? hands are ALWAYS doing something.

writing about shaving / hair down there is not super necessary, but u do u.

involuntary noises / movements happen a lot when smth is GOOD during foreplay. gasps. moans. cries. hips jolting. mouth falling open. 

foreplay is so SO important before sex. in real life, and in smut. if i write with someone and they go STRAIGHT to writing sex, no foreplay, im like ... hewwo ?? this just isn’t realistic, and my coochie clenches. 

when writing... make ur characters ask the dumb qs u’d probably ask real life. ‘should i get a condom?’ ‘are you on anything?’ ‘did that hurt?’  ‘can i cum in you?’ ffjnkf u get what i mean? i hope.

cis men do cum pretty quickly, especially compared to women. 

showers are fine for sexy times, but WATER is NOT lubricant.

READ FAN FICTION. there’s some really really good fan fiction out there, and it actually does help with ur own writing 

if a character likes something and says ‘yeah’ or ‘like that’... that doesn’t mean necessarily to write another character ‘speeding up’ or getting rougher. if somebody likes something ‘like that’, then keep it ‘like that’, or pick up the pace a little as encouragement. 

WRITING HAND JOBS / FINGERING:

finger movement on the outside of a vagina is just as important as finger movement on the inside. sometimes it can be more important, bc some people are more sensitive on the outside. (i’m not using technical terms bc nothing abt this post is technical or medical lmao)

if u don’t use lube or spit on ur hand when giving a penis a handjob.. it’ll probably hurt the person a little and be rough and not very Easy on either party

a handjob can be pretty fuckin awkward (i’ve been told + found personally). it’s just two people lying / sitting there, with one hand uncomfortably angled to jack off another person. it’s probably the most silent of all foreplay things which is why every person i know (female, male, cis, non cis) hate handjobs. 

ur hand and fingers might cramp a little if ur fingering a female, and the movements might get a little clumsy, but thats OKAY TOO!!! 

the angle of ur hand when fingering is important. if ur just shoving it down some pants/  trousers, it doesn’t leave a lot of movement so it won’t be super Great. under a skirt, or better yet- naked, makes things a LOT easier bc u have more Room.

write about the fingers. write about them moving up and down. don’t just rub them over the clit, or have them inside a vagina. that’s not exactly how it works. we need some pressure. we need a little rub. mainly near the clitoris or on the actual clitoris itself

don’t ever start by writing fast movements. u gotta write about building a motion and speed. start slow, then speed it up. 

fingering: circular motions over near the clit slowly, then a liiiiittle faster. stroking motions up and down. moving up towards the clit properly, then back down and slowly inserting a finger. then pull the finger out. repeat. keep each movement slow and deliberate and teasing. fdjkndfbnjkdfjnk graphic, i know. but. i mean. that’s a good first foreplay move i’ve found ???

handjob: thumb over the tip first as a lil tease, then slowly roll your hand in a fist motion all the way down the length (keep ur arm in a ‘straight’ movement.) then back up. twist ur hand, especially near the tip. move a little faster if ur lubed up enough, and then u can even give a lil ball squeeze if ur feeling courageous. keep that movement going. the FASTER ur hand moves, the more close somebody will get to orgasm, bc for them it’s sometimes all abt friction. 

starting with fingering / a hand job is like the first step of a dance usually. start with hands and fingers, THEN rock on baby, to --

WRITING ORAL SEX:

as previously mentioned, use a LOT of spit or lube. slick that bitch up.

cis-women are never wet constantly. ever. in fact, u can get dry pretty quickly again, so it’s not uncommon to write abt somebody spitting ‘down there’, just like u’d spit on a penis when giving a blowjob. 

most cis-men like their balls being played with a lil. so.. dfjnknj write about balls. i know it can be awkward and weird and the word ‘BALLS’ is not sexy. just try mention some movement there. some playing, or squeezing, or whatever word u feel comfortable using. especially during blowjobs. it’s just a good thing to do if u don’t know what to do with ur hands. don’t go crazy and just grab balls really roughly. 

if ur writing about a blowjob on a penis, deepthroating is never gonna happen straight off the bat. u gotta warm up ur throat a little, get ur throat to relax inch by inch, and not gag a lot. i promise u can’t just shove a whole dick down ur throat, unless u have the gag reflex of a porn star.

BUT also. write gagging. gagging happens a lot with blowjobs. i’ve never blown a guy who hasn’t loved the sound of gagging / choking a little 

jaws ache from oral. it’s a lot of the same movements and exertion, and YEAH IT CAN HURT UR JAW

tongues are ur best friend. a tongue should definitely be mentioned when writing oral on ANYONE.

write about hands AND mouth when writing oral. (use fingers and tongue when writing about going down on a female, and use hand in a fist movement around penis, when writing a blowjob, bc gripping with ur hand what ur mouth can’t reach yet is a+)

when writing a blowjob, focus on balls, yes- but also mention the tip. it’s sensitive for most guys, so a lil swirl of the tongue, or a suck or whatever... that’s good usually!!!

when writing going down on a female- move the tongue a lot. over the clit. then back down. use ur whole damn mouth and get messy. some ppl have a sensitive clit and direct movement onto it can be a lil overwhelming / overstimulating / painful, so yes- clit is good, but it can also be a little too much for some ppl!

write about lips. when going down on someone, lips also create sensations. it’s not the same as TONGUE, obviously, but it’s still soft and warm and it’s definitely something u feel. 

if ur writing about eating a girl out: tongues can be soft and flat, or they can a little pointy when u tense them. alternating between these 2 movements can be rlly good and pleasurable. starting soft and flat near the clit is good, before moving down to stick ur tongue in a little, and move it / wiggle it. but trust me - most of the action should be SOFT especially near the clit, bc it’s sensitive.

if you’re writing about a blowjob: suction. and moving quickly. hollow out those cheeks, and write about the tongue moving as the mouth does. suck hard, but not like.... ur character isn’t a vaccuum cleaner. they should suck ‘eagerly’ or whatever, and use their hand and tongue to help them out. trust me ur jaw will lock / hurt, u cannot suck a dick for like an hour. 

if u deepthroat a penis enough, ur voice can get pretty fucked up sounding, but i’ve never had it last longer than the next day or so. it just sounds like u’ve got a cold / sore throat (and thats bc u do)

some people just don’t like oral. some people aren’t comfortable in their bodies and can’t get out of their minds when it comes to it- which is super understandable. it’s a very intimate, close thing, bc hello -somebody is staring at ur genitalia basically. so hey, if u don’t wanna write it / don’t like it, then that’s completely chill too!

you don’t have to write about ‘the taste’. in fact, it’s absolutely ok and i’d prefer if u don’t bc i personally think that gets a bit weird. u can mention there IS a taste, but u don’t have to get into particulars bc that can get kinda icky. like ... it’s genitalia. we all know it won’t taste like a peach or whatever.

cis-women orgasm from oral sex, i think sometimes more often than they orgasm from actual penetrative sex? this is based off things i’ve read, and again, my own experience. 

oral sex can take a loooong ass time to reach orgasm sometimes. it’s barely ever a two-reply-thread piece. it’s always gonna be longer then that, if ur writing it realistically. sometimes reaching climax during oral, for any gender, can take anywhere up to an hour ??? if we’re being generous ??? again, cis men are more likely to cum first, BUT good oral sex can be dragged on for a while, for anybody. 

WRITING ASS / ANAL STUFF:

im gonna say it straight up. yes. it kinda feels like pooping almost when somebody fingers ur butt. but in a weirdly.. good way. idk how to describe it. 

getting fingered in the ass is SLOW work.  a finger will NOT just go in, especially not DRY. u need saliva / lube. you need the other person to be relaxed, or breathing, and u need to coax them through it all.

u don’t really know whats going on back there if ur on the receiving end. like. u can’t TELL by feeling on what’s going on. real talk: a guy fingered me once and i thought it was two fingers, but it was 3, and then later- when he put his dick in it was fine as well bc he’d relaxed me and gotten me to feel rlly comfortable and Safe. so TRUST me thats important when writing butt stuff. i can’t stress it enough.

it feels Strained. like it isn’t necessarily painful the entire time, but u can FEEL very full. so yeah, nobody is gonna have a finger in their ass and then immediately be ready for another, or be bouncing back , knuckle deep. u need a lot of patience and time for this.

if ur a cis-female... butt stuff is Fine, but its not a way to achieve orgasm, bc honestly there’s nothing stimulating u. it feels nice and the Roughness can be a kink, but u probably won’t orgasm / cum from it

use a lot of spit and a LOT of lube

u can’t just shove a dick / multiple fingers in someones ass either. u gotta stretch it out. take ur time. it literally can take an hour + sometimes more to get someone relaxed and stretched out enough. the amount of spit / lube and fingering needed is ridiculous

when it comes to ass stuff- make sure ur character is BREATHING in order to relax their muscles. everytime they’re relaxed, everything moves easier (this just goes for sex stuff in general too!)

eating ass is a thing, and look- ur not meant to ‘douche’ regularly bc apparently it’s bad for u. so if ur writing abt anal / butt stuff, u do NOT need to write abt anything poopy related or any of the douching stuff. its a silent rule, just like in real life. we don’t talk abt it djknfgnkjd

honestly, the overall feeling of Butt Stuff is just one of being Full and a lil Stretched, and if ur into Pain / a very different feeling then it’s a Good Feeling bc it just is all abt trusting n putting ur body in someone else’s hands (and fingers)

getting ur ass eaten feels warmer / more pleasurable than fingers bc a tongue in general is just nicer and softer then fingers are. 

spread them cheeks, boys, girls and non gender conforming folk

if ur gonna touch a cis-girls ass with ur tongue or fingers or anything... pls make sure ur stimulating her clit at the same time. i promise that can make things speed up in terms of relaxation and pleasure v quickly.

always ask a cis-male before going near his ass (but also in general, always ask before doing anything), especially rlly Straight Dudes bc they get SUPER defensive abt their own ass being touched 

anal stuff can be GREAT for foreplay just bc it’s a bit risque and it’s a bit Rougher and Harder just bc it’s a tighter hole. so, honestly yeah a lil finger in the ass whilst being eaten out isn’t terrible, or being fingered there at the same time as being fingered elsewhere can  also feel pretty Spicy, depending on ur taste

for cis-men, butt stuff  can be a  VERY quick way to orgasm. especially if ur blowing them / stroking them at the same time

anal / ass stuff isn’t for everyone. don’t write it if ur not comfortable. don’t do it if ur not comfortable. 

WRITING AN ORGASM:

the body shakes, tenses, spasms and generally loses a little bit of control

ur grip turns very intense and Harsh

back arching is a Thing

hands yanking at hair is a Thing

for when a cis-man orgasms... it can happen quite suddenly, but it’ll be a little twitch, and u can FEEL them tense. fast movement is what usually gets them to orgasm Quicker, i’ve found. 

for everybody else, i feel like it can be harder to achieve orgasm, but when it happens- your legs get all tense and squeeze the SHIT out of the head between them, and u definitely make some noise. orgasm can just happen, and sometimes with women especially.. it’s kinda easier to fake orgasm bc there’s never truly a Way To Tell physically???? this could be entirely wrong, of course, but there’s SO MUCH discussion and research based on the female orgasm that i feel like i can’t write anything abt it here bc it’s SO different for everyone.

just follow the general rule: ‘you’ll know when it happens’. ‘you’ll know when you know’. 

orgasms won’t always happen. it can get CLOSE but not happen, and it’s not always some big disappointing, ‘blue-balls’ event. it happens, or it doesn’t. sometimes u can write amazing head, and the other character won’t cum, and u know what? that’s ok too.