#and couldnt reasonably be made about them . but still somehow find a way to make it about that anyway

[sonknuxadow]

sorry mild hater moment incoming but . idk what it is with s/onadow fans (not all of them. just a very loud subsection) specifically and making every little thing shadow does about s/onadow even if its the biggest reach imaginable and immediately going "omg s/onadow" every time hes confirmed to be in some upcoming thing . or being so obsessed with the ship and letting it warp their perceptions of things so much to the point where they act like every little thing is a hint from sega that theyre in love for real. and they cant admit that its not canon or that just because they choose to interpret certain things romantically doesnt mean that thats actually what sega/the writers intended even if theres an obvious non so/nadow explanation for it

before people take this the wrong way i dont hate the ship i dont think that its completely baseless or that everyone who likes it is wrong and annoying or anything . but some of you look like this if im being honest

[senxitive]

I was walking with The One the other day as we were having our talk, and he always does this thing where he starts narrating for me and its kind of like in Golden Girls when Blanch slip into a trance and starts babbling about her ~sexy~ experiences and the girls have to stop her or she'll go on forever into a spiral of delirium.

And anyways, so he's over there narrating a conversation we aren't having and I hand gestured a mouth closing and said SHHHH to him.

He had to stop walking because he was laughing.

Why is this important?

Because if this had been my ex partner, they would have been OFFENDED. They would have been hurt. They would have taken it to heart.

And the difference is so astounding to me. I didn't think twice about doing it to Him, but I would have had to witthold or never would have even thought about doing it towards my Ex. I always had to withhold so much of my authentic self because it always offended him.

It's both confirming in the sense that my ex partner really wasn't for me, nor me for him, and it's all coming to light so much more now. As well as confirming the feeling of being robbed of what could be one of the most compatible relationships I would have had the pleasure of experiencing. We truly are kindred spirits. And it just fucking sucks.

[hotvintagepoll]

Peter Lorre (The Maltese Falcon, Arsenic and Old Lace, Casablanca)—to me he DEFINES scrungle hes the first person i think of every time the term comes up! i want to fold him up like a paper accordion and put him in my pocket. guy that spawned a million voice artists and impersonators. they made a ghost version of him for halloween cereal staple boo berry. bewitched by his nervous mania and tooth gap <3 (for the purposes of propaganda im linking a photo from his extremely short appearance in muscle beach party bc ive been obsessed w it for years and i couldnt find any video for it :/ anyway imagine youre frankie avalon spending the whole movie battling a bodybuilder faction thats taking over your beach and your girl and then you find out this fucking guy is their mastermind mystery leader and hes stronger than all the bodybuilders combined. like Huh. What.)

Tony Randall (Lover Come Back, Pillow Talk)—he's SO TIRED he's three-wheeling ALL THE TIME on rock and doris's shenanigans and he is always SMALL. PATHETIC. INHERENTLY FILLED WITH ENNUI. i feel like all these 60s comedies are very Straight Laced and Heterosexual and yet somehow tony randall is always there having the worst day ever.

This is round 1 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you're confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Peter Lorre

he's pretty much the archetype of the scrungly little guy. the blueprint. the example by which all other scrungly little guys are judged

The perfect sniveling character actor, “scrungly” is the first word that comes to mind when I think of him.

The entire point of his iconic role in Casablanca (apart from introducing the central plot mcguffin) was to be LITTLE and SCRUNGLY to make Bogie look even cooler. And Maggot in Corpse Bride - the littlest scrungliest guy in that film - was a parody of him.

I think Arsenic and Old Lace is his quintessential "scrungly" performance. He's so put-upon and tired...all he wants is sleep and some schnapps! I love the way his shoulders fall slowly when he thinks he's caught (he looks like a sad puppy!), only to gleefully sprint out the door when he realizes how dumb those police officers are.

Between his big eyes, wheezy laugh, short stature, and expressive faces, Peter Lorre achieved icon status as the scrungliest, littlest guy in Hollywood. His scrungly little guy energy was often contrasted with the more typical masculinity of the leading man, but whether this contrast was meant to make him seem especially sinister, comedic, or pathetic, it always left an unforgettable impression!

I'm sure somebody else has already submitted him (if not then ???) but he's a cute kind of scrungly little guy. He's got a distinctive nasal voice with an accent that is instantly recognizable and often imitated. His later horror movies are so much fun, especially when he's playing off of Vincent Price. He's so good at being unhinged, creepy, or manic, but also pathetic and sympathetic.

Classic scrungly hollywood golden age little guy who was friends with Humphrey Bogart and still played some of the wettest most sniveling characters ever committed to celluloid (complimentary) there is a deep despair and darkness in many of his characters that enhances his scrungly

To be clear, I am one of those people who will argue that Lorre is one of the most underrated film actors, but the POINT is that he's also just a scrungly delight. A delightfully pocket-sized man. Somehow endearing even when he is being actively amoral (see esp. Casablanca. "I found myself much more reasonable!") The faces he makes while doing the Russian cossack dance with a butter knife between his teeth in Silk Stockings make me laugh just thinking about them.

Wikipedia described his typical characters as "timidly devious", lots of weird little villains and evil sidekicks that are pretty horrifying but still manage to be sort of pathetic and the very definition of "poor little meow meow". His look and voice and mannerisms are so iconic they're still imitated

Cartoons for the next century have and will continue to include Peter Lorre-esque characters when needed to up the scrunge factor (see Bugs Bunny and so many more).

[editor's note on below link: I'm not actually sure how many of these characters are directly influenced by Peter Lorre, so take with a grain of salt. tw for suicide.]

The poster boy for Scrungly. Everyone who wants to draw a scrungly guy draws Peter Lorre. Gomez Addams of The Addams Family was based on him

Tony Randall

"you had everything going for you! poverty!! squalor!!!!" "girls again!!! what's this obSESSion you have with giRLS???"

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader

Tell Me You’re Okay

- Spencer is one traumatised boy we been knew

- and he opened up to you about pretty much all of it prior to asking you out. you’d already confessed your feelings towards him, but with all his baggage, he wanted to be sure you knew what you were getting yourself into

- he cried, you cried, and you ended up embracing each other in an emotional heap

- when you held Spencer’s face and kissed him, he knew that you had stayed, despite everything he’d told you and everything he believed to be wrong with him. you stayed

- you were aware of the horrors of the world, especially the one’s that Spencer’s job helped protect people from, but you arent on the team

- you’re a sweetheart, a kind soul, someone with a smile that lights up a room as soon as you walk in

- to Spencer, you’re like a ray of sunshine. a beaming person, quite literally. he’d never known such a bright person before, the only one to come close would be Penelope

- you are a being of pure joy, and Spencer feels like it is his job - more than that, the very reason he was put on this earth, was to protect you

- so when away on a case following a serial of victims who all resembled you ever so slightly, he couldnt help the fear and anxiety that built within him

- this only got worse when he looked at the crime scene of the victim murdered a few minutes after the team landed, the victim looked more like you than any of the previous ones

- the more Penelope informed the team of the habits and lifestyles of the victims, the more Spencer found himself making mental notes of all the similarities they had with you

- he couldnt just abandon the case and fly home to you, he had to figure out the case, but just having the slightest involvement of you, the mere idea of someone trying to harm his angel...Spencer found the case personally difficult, to say the least

- but he checked in with you regularly, texted every moment he could, made sure to call you every night but never for long because he didnt want you to miss out on sleep because of him

- Spencer didnt tell you that the case was bothering him, but you could tell, and since you didnt want to pester him, you found other ways to get through to him

- during the day, even if you knew he wouldnt see the texts for hours, you’d send him sweet messages cheering him on and making him smile

- anytime Spencer checked his phone, he’d seen an utterly adorable text from you

hey love! making jello cuz I miss you 🥰

- emojis arent Spencer’s vocabulary of choice, but he finds your use of them very endearing

- your messages reassured him more than he could possibly express, but he still couldnt properly relax at any point

- somehow this got worse after the team caught the killer. Spencer knew you were safe without a doubt, though he also knew you were safe from the beginning because he was states away, but you were now safe even from his paranoid thoughts

- let’s not forget that his last proper gf died horribly in front of him lmao so his paranoia is justified bless him

- sitting on the plane home, Spencer is restless, needing to get back to you more than he’d ever needed anything in his life

- he’d texted you to say he was on his way home, so of course you are sitting on the couch all cozy in your pj’s waiting for him

- as soon as you hear the door unlocking, you jump to your feet and bound over to him with the buggest grin on your face

- Spencer feels his entire body relax with the deepest sigh when he sees you

- you practically jump on him, wrapping your arms around his neck and legs around his waist, squealing with excitement, making Spencer laugh for the first time in a week, the kind of laugh that only happens around you

“Spence!! I’ve missed you so much!” You cheer, sounding almost as relieved as he feels.

“I’ve missed you too, so much, there arent even words-“ He feels himself getting choked up, and you’re quick to jump off him

- your hands cup his face, gently forcing him to look at you as you frown at him with concern

“Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me sweetheart.”

- Spencer sniffles, his own hands unable to leave your hips, his thumbs drawing circles on them

“Just...tell me you’re okay, please.”

- he sees the way your heart melts, he can tell just from looking in your eyes

- the most beautiful, soft smile overtakes your face

“Spence, anytime you’re around, ‘okay’ is the most inaccurate term I could possibly use.”

- Spencer chuckles at this

“Forgive me, what’s a more accurate term?”

- you beam, standing on your tiptoes and leaning close to his face, your lips mere centimetres away from his when you whisper your answer

“Perfect.”

[appa-391]

HB - S2 Ep9 Apology tour, thoughts (spoilers, ofc)

Kay, i really didnt want to talk about this, since im over my helluva boss phase, but since the new episode drop i couldnt stop thinking about it and i fr just to type my thoughts out. This episode was a MESS, in a good way, the feelings, the dialogue everything just goes and i sincerly liked the episode. let me talk about the characters first -Blitz

I really think that this episode is a really good at explaining blitz situation and traumas, alongside giving him good character development. The way i really felt bad for him the entire ep is just enough to say what i think about him. the way he fights with stolaz and verosika to accept his apologies just hits somehow. I see people in twitter hating him for not accepting his own actions and just leaving so many people to the point their hatred was so big they created an entire party dedicated to hating him, wich imo really shows how people dont understand blitz and how he deals with relationships, or find any reason to hate him when the reason he acts like this is explained all over the full moon and this episode. I feel like blitz doenst understand love because he never felt that kind of love before and when he did it almost killed them (talking about fizz), and also the way he was never good as fizz when he was in the circus developed into some kind of trauma where he views himself as little making him to create relationships based on dependece instead of love. -Stolaz

I dont exactly like stolaz that much, in fact i dont like him as a character at all. i was really pissed at him for basically playing the victim in the end when all the reasons that he said their relationship was not right were caused mainly by him. This episode really shows the paralels between blits and him, stolaz wants to feel whats like for someone to really care about him and also love him in various ways, but i do think that we could have had a reality check this episode along with blitz cause i really want to see his reaction if someone told him what he needs to hear. The fight at the start made him so unberable i wanted to just skip it, i really think stolaz still plays the victim to this day, it seems like he doenst even want to hear blitz side of the story and how he feels ignoring he feels the need to have that kind of relationship with stolaz. the way he basically ignored that blitz didnt told him about striker before when blitz didnt even know he could actually kill him, but does he listen or consider this, of course not, im not trying to say that stolaz was in the wrong here but something that people need to understand is that their both in the wrong, they both had a toxic relationship they both brought out out the worst in each other and i think people need to realize that stolaz IS A BAD PERSON he did various things wrong in his life, a bad parent as a whole (loving your daughter ≠ beign a good parent), and doesnt take responsabilitie for his actions, for example in S2 Ep 1 he says "the only reason i endured your constant insults and cruelty was for octavia to have a normal life", he may be talkin about the 17 years they spent together but of course he didnt make it better by cheating on stella with blitz wich just makes her hate him more. My problem with that phrase is that he is talking like he isnt part of the reason she doesnt have a normal life.

ill probably continue this later but i mostly wnated to talk about why i dont like stolaz as a character but also to show my thoughts about the new episode.

[gamorasxlover]

hi! here is my first attempt in writing and posting a fan fiction. let me know what you think <3

plot: a short paragraph about Peter and Gamora expressing their true love to each other.

“A Sky full of Stars”

Starmora Fan-fiction

“Groot just leave me alone” came the fully recognisable voice of Rocket. He was fixing a part of the ship, the Milano. He was obviously pissed off at Groot for something but no one ever knows what.

“I am Groot” came the high pitched voice of Groot. “No, you can’t help me Groot you little-“ his voice cut off by Peter. “No one is yelling at anyone on my ship… maybe at Drax because of his obsession with Zarg Nuts” he said. He was wearing his ravager trousers and a white almost see-through vest. “Why am i brought somehow into every conversation between you two?” came Drax’s voice from outside, he was sitting on a log by the fire entertaining Mantis with his impressions of all the Guardians (he was really good at them). “Have you seen Gamora by the way?” asked Peter. “Why you so obsessed Quill? She seriously cant be into a goof like you. Whatever, she’s sitting by the river over there” said Rocket pointing to the silhouette of Gamora sitting on the riverbank. Peter said nothing and started to walk over to her.

He brushed his hands through his hair and approached her. “Pretty night right?” he said. Gamora slightly jumped at the sudden sound of his voice. She turned.

“Oh its you, yeah, it really is.” she said looking back towards the river. Peter sat down a few feet from her. “Have you seen Nebula by the way?” asked Peter. Bold move bringing up her sister while trying to make her fall in love with him.

“No, why?” she asked. “Oh she just ‘borrowed’ something of mine and shes now disappeared with it” Peter replied moving slightly closer to her. They have had a few moments between them but he wasnt sure where there relationship was at this point.

“What did she take now?” Gamora asked turning to face him. Her brown eyes twinkled in the moonlight. “Dont worry, I just need to find her” he said. “I’ll go find her now then” said Gamora getting up. Peter grabbed her hand and pulled her back down towards him. “Wait dont go” he said. They were now basically inches away from each other.

The faint noise of the song ‘Aint no mountain high enough’ playing in the ship. “Why?” she asked.

“Can you swim?” he said raising an eyebrow slightly. “Thats a random questi-“ she was cut off and Peter picked her up. He was almost sure she was gonna kill him for doing this but she let him for some reason. “Peter what are you doing? Peter dont you dare, Peter!” she raised her voiced and Peter threw her gently into the water. He laughed and she came up to the surface. The expression on her face was ‘im gonna kill you now’. It then turned into a smile and she grabbed Peters leg and pulled him into the water.

She laughed. She never laughed. Peter came up to the surface and shook his head, his wet hair was in a hairstyle that made him look super hot. His top was now fully see-through. He laughed and splashed her. She was fully clothed but didnt seem to care. Peter took off his shirt and threw it onto the river bank.

Gamora stared at his body, she didnt mean to but she couldnt stop. Peter went up to her and grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up and out of the water, only her legs were still in. They laughed.

The moonlight shown onto the water and lit up the water around them. Gamora put her arms around Peters neck and Peter held her close. He lowered her slowly down. She looked up at him and smiled.

“Mora I-“ Peter said but was yet again cut off. Gamora pulled him in and kissed him. The scenery was beautiful. Rocket looked over at them and sighed in disgust. There they were, kissing under a Sky Full of Stars.

[boozois]

Hi again I was wondering what happened to the post about the different Borzois? I'm making a little series and I was thinking of making one of some of them (I just made a post about it you can go to my posts and see what I'm talking about and if you don't want me to make your Borzois I'm fine with that I don't mind🫀)

hi sorry it took a while for me to answer this! hang on, it'll be a very long post. the world of borzois has expanded so much since that post! and, of course you can draw them or do whatever!

i think i know what you're talking about, was it the Borzoi Files i had as my pinned for a small bit? well, i ended up deleting the post as i was having some trouble keeping up with the characters. but i do remember roughly what they were! i cant really remember any of the names so take these ones with a grain of salt. there are a few names i actually know, like Tendo and We.

there's Tendo, who you can find pictures of on any image i've edited that has purple text. they are a shapeshifting Borzoi creature! i can't remember their background, but they are very friendly and like to travel.

one i cant remember the name of, but her posts always have red text, usually in the fancy header font. nowadays, i often use that lettering format because it looks good on my posts but theres no reason it couldnt be her! she is the most divine of the Borzoi creatures. she can shapeshift into any form, and can also cast spells or curses on other creatures/people/whathaveyou. i do remember that she has a feisty personality but a heart of gold.

there's Graffiti Dog, i call them that because 1. they live in a backrooms-style world, except it's never ending abandoned buildings and graffiti. 2. they like the graffiti! i think i only have one post of them but i should probably make another one. they are very sweet, and intelligent. they gaurd the people who get lost.

there's Ick, who lives with Graffiti Dog, and is not so nice. they eat people. Ick and graffiti dog dont get along at all, because ick is always scaring people. i do believe there's only one post of Ick, which has green text.

then theres Train Dog, who, you guessed it, lives in an infinite world of train yards, train tracks, train stations, all abandoned but somehow the trains still work. people who get lost there attempt to use the trains but it's dangerous because... Train Dog is the biggest of all the Borzoi creatures. and they also eat people. even tho they're the largest, they aren't the smartest, and have a limited understanding of language.

We is another Borzoi creature i do remember the name of, since it's so simple and it was one of my top posts. We's posts usually are captioned in the cursive header font, in black. one of the heads is blind, and also their smelling is extremely impaired. however, their hearing is better than the average dogs. the other head has one excellent eye and an above standard sniffer, but is deaf. this is due to the way they consumed eachother in the womb, they kinda absorbed each others powers. they are more like a dog than other Borzoi creatures, who can commune with humans more efficiently. they have no understanding of language beyong dog language of course!

Hose Goat was the first dog that ever got posted to this account, not to be confused with the Hose Goat Strain post which is actually just one of Tendo's forms. they are a borzoi creature that's very tall and skinny with goat horns. i don't remember much else about them tho...

these are only the first Borzoi characters i came up with! since then, we've had a lot more show up in this universe, such as,

Maxine, who is the star of my ARG. to be honest, no one really knows what she is. she might be a manifestation of god, or satan. she might just have been a normal dog who was the victim of an animal abuser. she might be a telepathic alien who can communicate with people through brainwaves. nobody really knows! but she sure is something..

Max, who is an abnormally giant Borzoi. he made friends with Maxine when he too got lost in the cornfield. Max is also the dog from the picture where the neighbor forgot to let their dog back in.

The Dog from the Urban Exploration Series: now this pupper uses the same format as the divine borzoi, but is not the same entity. The Dog is a creature made by scientists, a 20 foot borzoi that has 6 six legs. it's much like snake with legs in the way it's built. it can manuever around pretty much anywhere, flattening it's body like a rodent. it mainly stays in the pipe systems in the ceiling to stay warm, but comes out of hiding if threatened.

Sunny Pup Daycare's Borzoi: this is the dog from the "closing shift" image, which you can find in my top posts. they are just a giant borzoi, who doesn't have an owner and doesn't leave the daycare. they don't appear at daytime. it's sort of like a fnaf thing, where there's a security guard to watch them at night. only, it's just a daycare worker! and oh, yeah, the Daycare Borzoi doesn't kill anybody. unless it gives you a heart attack when it runs by you too quickly..

Storage Unit's Borzoi: this lil guy is something else. he's a brown borzoi. he's camouflaged in the boxes. and he's got an extendable neck, which can reach up to 8 feet. his head may be small, but the teeth are razor sharp, and his eyes are specialized in night vision. if you have a flashlight, you might blind him. bring food with you if you don't wanna get eaten..

and there's probably plenty others i'm not thinking of, but that's all for now! have fun with your little series, im looking forward to it :D

[greekromann]

1, 6, 12, 15, and 16! for the WOL ask meme!

👀 this is long so. Its under a readmore. Also ffxiv spoilers through endwalker below

1. Why did he become an adventurer? Glory? Money? ...?

The way Khalja grew up, his adoptive father made sure to instill in him a deep respect for the sacrifice his birth parents made to keep him out of the crossfire during the empire's expansion into doma. This was intended to convince him to stay safe and look out for himself, but it backfired into "im going to set out and do something about the empire. Personally", so his initial reason was really. To get stronger and find a group that he could join to combat imperial expansion. He'd heard about how the eorzean city-states drove the empire out of the continent from traders in kugane, so he figured hed start there

6. What did they think of Hydaelyn in the beginning? Did they change their mind about her since then?

He was actually initially pretty mistrustful of "giant crystal that talks to you", and couldnt shake the feeling that he was being used and intentionally kept in the dark. The mistrust turned into annoyance when he found out that she was the reason he had the echo (has considered it a curse ever since he awoke to it as a teenager), but through arr he found no reason to directly oppose her because she granted him the strength he needed to meet his own goals. When midgardsormr more or less broke her blessing, he found himself 1. Very fucking scared and 2. Missing her presence, at which point he realized that he had come to lean on her much more than hed ever intended to. He was kind of pissed about what happened with minfilia also lol. He just very much doesnt like feeling like he and every other person with the echo is a pawn in some cosmic game of chess. By the time shadowbringers wrapped up he'd become more comfortable with (or more accurately, resigned to) the idea that he would probably always be her champion, and that was fine as long as their goals were still aligned. Brief moment of panic where he learned that shes a primal, in the "does that make me. Tempered. Am i tempered" before realizing that thats stupid and the fact that hes Able to question that means he probably isnt. And then of course the events of endwalker completely tossed his idea of her on its head. He only wished that he got to spend more time with venat in elpis, but what little time they did have together made him far more comfortable with championing her cause. Khalja voice "venat my best friend venat"

12. What do they think about redemption and forgiveness? Would they forgive an enemy? Would they forgive themselves?

I think, prior to shadowbringers, he wasnt. Super into forgiveness and redemption. Like as far as he was concerned any crime needed to be answered for, and post-shadowbringers he definitely doesnt believe in like. Letting go of past offenses, but he sees a lot more nuance in these kinds of situations. [Standing in a room together with gaius post-stormblood] [gritting his teeth] This Is. Fine.

Ultimately he just wants to understand people's reasons, i guess? And he'll judge for himself whether those reasons justify their actions. Additionally, if someone proves that they're interested in doing better, or somehow making up for their past transgressions, he's going to try and look at them in the here and now, rather than as who they were before (with varying degrees of success)

As for himself... he's become acutely aware of the ridiculous amount of power he weilds, which means he's also Acutely aware of how devastating the consequences could be if he made a misstep. In an unhealthy way hes fashioned himself as the sole protector of his friends and loved ones, and so if any harm comes to them, he'll probably. Never forgive himself lol [flashes back to the vault]. Additionally, the body-snatching incident with zenos put a new fear of "what could other people do if they got their hands on my strength" into him. He's started to feel guilty for simply Being, on account of the danger it potentially puts other people in. But Its Fine Hes Fine Guys Dont Worry About It

15. How do they feel about the Ascians?

He has a very hard time hating the ascians after seeing them for who they really are. I mean that didnt stop him from stomping them into the ground whenever they posed a large enough threat, and nothing justifies the havoc theyve wrought in the millennia since, but he cant help but feel sympathy for them. After all, if all of the people HE loved and looked out for were killed, shattered, and transformed beyond recognition, he cant guarantee that he wouldnt also make some. Extremely terrible selfish decisions. [Throwing pebbles at emet-selch] Youre still an asshole [feels bad anyway].

He feels the most sympathy for elidibus, on account of. Teenager Thrust Into Govt Position And Turned Into A Primal For The Survival Of The Star. He doesnt really see him as responsible for the events that have followed since, even though he definitely. Still is. He sees a lot of alphinaud in elidibus gwjegdjd

He Does Not like lahabrea, but as of meeting him in pandæmonium hes weighing the pros and cons of attempting to Get Some gwjsgdjgdjd. Cons: hes actually one of the worst people he knows, thancred would kill him, thancred would kill him, he'll probably be rejected out of hand, etc etc. Pros: god lahabrea can GET it

16. Tell us about two major events from MSQ that left the deepest emotional scars on your WOL.

I MEAN. several gwjwgjdgd but the deepest scars......

the first would probably be the vault. Khalja felt that he owed a lot to haurchefant and he was kind of charmed by his extremely earnest nature, so losing him would have hurt enough on its own. Worse than that though was that haurchefant died protecting khalja specifically, which is something that he'd never had to. Deal with before. Up until then hed thought that the only person he'd hurt with his reckless behavior would be himself, but [watches haurchefant bleed out from a wound meant to be inflicted upon him] [has to go home and tell his family that hes only alive because their son/brother died] Oh. Oh This Sucks So Much Worse. Hes partly healed from that experience, but the guilt he feels has never left him (and likely never will), and it influences the way he handles situations where his loved ones are involved. Hes not willing to let anyone else take a bullet for him lol

The next would actually be the body-snatching experience with zenos. He'd never felt more helpless and terrified; the image of his own body about to strike down alisae and raha haunts him constantly, and while he understands that it wasnt him who did that, it definitely made him start to view himself as. A monster of sorts. Lol. When he woke up back in his own body and saw that none of his friends had come to harm he broke down sobbing in relief [he has not cried in front of. Most of them]. Post-endwalker, hes still afraid of his strength someday being used to hurt the people he loves. He would genuinely sooner die than let something like that happen again

[pinnithin]

long kind of sad gay poast ahead

saw something about loving the unlovable and it got me thinking about how its a central theme in most of my writing. paired with like, isolation, being separate/other, the doomed concept of human connection, being the only person who can love and understand you the way you need, etc - i watched evangelion way too young if you couldnt guess.

anyway and this is due to the fact that a core part of my identity and personality revolves around the fact that i considered myself unlovable for the majority of my life, first unconsciously through childhood neglect, then by choice as some "you cant fire me i quit" teen angst sort of thing, then by a doomed sense of resignation all through college. its a significant part of how i see myself even now after years of working to unlearn it - ive managed to dial it back to "im difficult to love" which still isnt great but yknow. better than it was

which is why i have attachment issues and preferred one night stands for a long time. my romantic relationships (many of them short lived) have been with well meaning partners who assured me constantly that like, even though youre difficult to love its worth it. and that was all nice and good but it made me feel so fraudulent and disgusted with myself because it put me in the position of thinking either 1) this person doesnt actually know me that well at all or 2) i have somehow tricked this person into thinking under all the baggage theres someone worth loving. which is something i find difficult to reconcile with because the baggage is me too. i cant get rid of it. inevitably those people got wise and it ended up not working out.

by now have all these arguments and strategies geared up to explain to people who make the mistake of caring about me that its really not worth the effort, we're better off as friends or acquaintances, etc. im very transparent about the issues i deal with so its all just laid out there from the beginning and im not like, tricking people into being in a relationship with me or whatever by hiding it. ive talked in circles with exes over and over along the general lines of "im difficult to love" > "no youre not" > "i have xyz wrong with me and i push people away, trust me you dont want to deal with this" > "okay well we can work on that, and youll get better and itll be worth it" > "what if i never get better" > "you will, ill help you" > [me relenting bc im unable to dash their hopes and dreams that even if i Get Better im still Me at the core and the things that make me difficult to love are a permanent part of me]

the relationship im in now doesnt even let me get into that. shan is just like, youre not. youre not difficult to love, youre actually very easy to love and it has always been easy to love you, even before we were dating. and i dont have a comeback for that.

even with my usual strategy of "heres an itemized list of all the reasons dating me is a risk" theyre just like well sure, thats difficult for you to deal with, and im sorry its so hard for you, but that doesnt make you difficult to love. the loving is easy. that part has always been easy.

she doesnt treat me like a problem that needs to be solved she doesnt try to be my savior from myself she doesnt give any indication that shes just waiting it out until i reach a certain threshold of acceptable or unacceptable. she just loves me and trusts me to take care of myself, and it places a lot of personal responsibility on me to be better - not for us but for me, because im the only person who can do that and they know it.

its the healthiest relationship ive ever been in and ive never felt so safe and free to be myself. i dont need to live up to any expectations to eventually make myself lovable. im easy to love. hard thing for me to believe in self practice but going back to the inherent disconnect between all humans, who am i to know or control what they consider easy or difficult? i dont judge her when something she finds difficult is easy for me, so why wouldn't the opposite be true?

[fizzingwizard]

a brief complaint? observation? complervation? obserplaint

I don't watch Riverdale, but this is tumblr and it was impossible to not hear about the final season hijinks, namely the polycule. alright thats cool but i couldnt help side-eyeing how it's really the boys get to sleep with all the girls, and the girls get to sleep with each other as well as the boys... but the boys aren't physically interested in each other. recently i read a quote from one of the show creators where they said Archie/Jughead would have been "too hot" which, lol, but Betty/Veronica isn't?? but anyway was certainly a joke, as the rest was about not forcing something to happen for the sake of representation.

individually all of that is fine, and i hate to nitpick but... I can't help it. I really can't. You tick all the boxes, not for wonderful lgbtqia couples, but for a male fantasy: you can date more than one girl you find hot and they're also bi and into each other. Not part of the typical fantasy are having to share the girls with another guy, and not actually watching the girls at it yourself. But that doesn't matter, because the fantasy isn't for Archie and Jughead, it's for the viewers. Who get to see everything.

Just a few years ago we X-men fans were treated to the great Wolverine/Jean Grey/Cyclops threesome. This was the culmination of literally decades of pining, envy, and truly epic ship wars. At first I was like, wow, really?? Even Cyke and Wolvie getting it on with each other? But that wasn't it - all three of them weren't together - Cyke and Wolvie just each got a piece of Jean and had to live with each other also having a piece of her. It was the sharing of the woman in the relationship which was seen as so amazing and "progressive." My bf was like "lucky Jean!" Meanwhile my reaction was, holy shit, do not want.

If I really believed this threesome came about because it's what Jean wants, that'd be one thing - and yes I'm aware Jean is fictional and can want whatever the writers want. But not even superhero comics are written in a vacuum. All I could see in my head was the writers throwing Jean to the dogs like a piece of meat. "You both want her? You can both have her!" I didn't, and don't see how Jean mattered in any way except that both Scott and Logan want her. And tbh, if they had done the same thing, but also made Jean in love with Ororo, I would still feel the same way: that the Ororo bit was shoehorned in to make people like me whine less about the curious lack of balance here. Lucky Jean, indeed.

So there's two situations which are canonical in their respective universes. It's kind of stunning to me. We lept right past "gay male representation" to "male fantasy re-spun as gay representation." The guys get the girl. The girls make out with each other. The guys still get to be like "no homo, bro," somehow. And this is like, so progressive. What's progressive about it?? Men have been watching lesbian porn since forever. My brother once told me he didn't believe women who said they were bi were really bi because he assumed they were lying to impress men with their bi-ness. Then there's the "sharing with another man" thing which I guess is such an impressive feat. Isn't that just a form of voyeurism though. Don't lots of people get off just on knowing their partner is wanted by others? I'm not seeing the sexual liberation here. I just see girls being sexy in ways men have always wanted them to be, and the men just kinda existing.

Some people insist the greater acceptance of women-loving-women on screen means women in general have far more sexual freedom than men. But being free because people think you're non-sexual or that your sexuality is for them, thus controllable, isn't freedom. There's a reason people believe Queen Victoria thought it was impossible to be a lesbian. She didn't actually. But people were happy to think she did, because they secretly didn't understand how it was possible for two women who lack the right "equipment" lol. That was culture talking. Furthermore, half of what allowed women to sneak around having fun lesbian times with each other was homophobia itself. Because women (in our strict, transphobic gender binary definition) don't have dicks. In many societies around the world, it was historically okay for men to have sex with other men as long as they were the "penetrating" partner. The one in the "male" role. To be in the "female" role was degrading. (There were also class distinctions that determined which role someone would be, depending on the culture.)

It was about pride and dominance. (This stood out to me in the comments on the Archie polycule article: fans [whoops it was the writer of the article!] were worried about how Archie and Jughead's actors would have felt about having to do homosexual scenes with each other. But they didn't express any concern at all for the possibility that Betty and Veronica's actresses may have not liked it.) And for some reason, it still is today. You can have TV lesbians, not because you're so progressive and pro-women loving women, but because lesbians are hot. But TV gays are another matter. They're not hot, at least if what you're trying to construct isn't queer representation, but a male fantasy. It's embarrassing to admit you, a man, are attracted to your male friend, let alone that you have soft feelings toward him. Honestly, even the lesbian relationships are often reduced to their sexual aspect and free of any solid foundation for why these two women picked each other. Which, I mean, it's all good to have fun for fun's sake as long as everything is safe sane and consensual. But it is rather playing in to the stereotype that homosexuals are sex-obsessed, and will wind up in socially-acceptable, straight relationships when they decide they want to have families and contribute to society.

I realize I've only used two examples here, Riverdale and X-men. Which don't really have much in common (although also more than you might think, haha). One reason why I fixed on them is that they're both media with a history. They've been around forever. They have fans across ideological and political spectra. We've seen a lot more positive queer relationships in movies and TV over the past fifteen or twenty years, including gay male relationships, and that's awesome. But by and large it stayed away from the most popular characters in these long-lasting brands. Wolverine has an alternate universe self who is gay and in a relationship with Hercules. It is hairy and bold, I guess. But not as bold as Wolverine being gay. And I'm not saying he has to be. I agree that queer relationships shouldn't be forced. I am saying I think it's curious that Wolverine can't be gay, but he can be in a threesome where he and Scott both get what they want, Jean, and the male fans don't need to feel uncomfortable, and can tell their girlfriends that Jean is so lucky. And Riverdale, like I said I'm not a fan, I never watched it, but my impression is that it was pretty weird and strange in a lot of ways... weird and strange enough to let its female characters be in love with each other as well as the boys... but not weird enough for the boys to do the same? I do think that if these weren't media with such a long history, things would be different. But no one wanted to upset the "true fans." And what makes a true fan is not wanting male characters to be gay. Female characters, sure, that's hot! But if you're waggling your brow at the male ones you must be just into it for the hot guys and incapable of fully appreciating the series. Lol. Double standard what?

This is more or less my struggle with poly relationships in media. It's not that I don't think they should be there. I just think that all the ones I've seen have been cop-outs on the writer's part, either because they don't want to disappoint fans by picking one ship to be end game or because they want the media fuss a poly relationship will make. While, ultimately, the poly relationships in question are just the sort that anyone who's used the internet in the past two decades has seen in porn ads way more times than we wanted to. Where is the polycule where the guys are dating the girls, but also dating each other, and the girls aren't interested in each other sexually at all? I can tell you where to find it: fanfiction! On a popular TV show though? You know, a place where men are more likely to see it? Hmm. Maybe tomorrow...

[judeharoldvich]

stop me if im Displaying Symptoms here BUT so basically i went to the eras tour the first time on opening day friday 13th on the first possible showing dressed as evermore era and it was more or less perfect like me and my friends had fun and we got the good popcorn buckets but they werent selling the premium cups plus i really REALLY loved the movie so i decided i'd go again this friday BUT i overslept :( so i got ANOTHER ticket for today and here's the thing the night before i overslept i overslept because i couldnt sleep so i was just like scrolling on tiktok for hours and this tarot reading pops up and usually i roll my eyes BUT this guy NEVER misses and i dont follow or like his videos so i know that when he pops up its real but basically he says 'im getting saturday for some reason? something is in store for saturday lets see what it is' and he does a reading and obviously he's reading it as love-related but like tbh you can have intuition and also just interpret it wrong bc humans are fallible so i just kind of dismissed it but the saturday thing felt real somehow. anyway so i overslept of course and i was upset but i thought WELL i mean he did say saturday would be important... plus it was like raining really heavily when i did wake up so it wouldve sucked getting into town anyway so i just got another ticket for saturday and i was GOING to dress as reputation and i kind of attempted to but then realised i was actually just in a suit and leather trousers with pink sunglasses which is basically Tyler Swift from The Man which is on Lover so I was like oh well i love rep and lover equally (though i listen to lover more shhhh) so anyway no i did not meet my soulmate there nor did i really expect to HOWEVER i gave away a bunch of friendship bracelets more or less willy nilly at the end not really expecting many trades because i made them to be given out and didnt really care about getting other peoples though i got a couple and ONE of them was Daylight which i got to choose because i figured someone would have already taken my daylight one (which was maybe my favourite that id made but i was fine giving it away to make people happy). anyway so i get home and im looking through the remaining bracelets of mine and one of the only ones remaining IS MY DAYLIGHT ONE. sidenote ive loved daylight ever since i first listened to it since the very first niiight its probably in my top three its that good and it really feels Monumental you know like its the closer to the lover album which originally had NO deluxe tracks (and still only technically has one extra single) and someone once said lover is like the season finale of your twenties and thats SOO TRUE and as someone who's only in their early twenties (21!!! like all too well another of my favourites). so basically what im saying is daylight is my song daylight is the kind of relationship thats coming my way i feel it i claim it i am determined to survive my twenties and my thirties and so on however long it takes to find someone and be worthy of finding them do you know what i mean

[mhaynoot]

@yourmonstershowatemygodmetaphor and @transgender-anakin-skywalker here is the reply!

i feel like i must clarify that like i never actually read killing stalking. my only engagement with it is remembering it as something that caught on in tumblr spaces many years ago right after the mystic messenger hype and the little memes that came about because of that LMAO but like yeah despite that, i still watched somerton's video for whatever god forsaken reason

like you said, he has that very noticeable "i hate teenage girls" attitude that is sadly all too common still but with his own delineation of straight teenage girls. he is simply excelling at propagating the generally condescending, misogynistic bullshit thats proliferant in shaming young girls and teens as not knowing better and hating on them for engaging in media and fandom in the "wrong way". like a whole "how dare you ship these two fictional characters" that feels especially ignorant and judgemental and just a thinly veild excuse to shit on young girls -- because apparently society doesnt do that enough already (/sarcasm).

but not only does he targets the youths, he also had a weird condescending attitude towards the original creator. like i vaguely remember a segment where he expresses "concern" about how the author rts and makes christmas(?) ship art on their personal twitter account around the two male leads. the way he framed several of his comments made me feel extremely uncomfortable and was what put me off the video entirely. it felt like he was almost patronising the author in a way because they couldnt possibly know they were doing something "wrong" and they too were "romaniticisng abuse" somehow. by making ship art of their own characters. like what. just cause the source material is a very dark and horrible relationship doesn't mean fans and the author still can't ship it without it being a moral failing or somehow a disservice to the source material's horror.

its like how horror fans can fantasise and love the murderer or monster without romanticising murder. much like wearing a halloween outfit and allowing oneself anonymity, it's part of the fantasy which includes the horror and the darkness. it's part of what makes fictional exploration so important. it allows his hated straight white women, and young teenage girls to be able to explore and understand the world in a different way even if it is by making two fictional men kiss and hurt each other. this also applies to asian fandom spaces too, especially the queer and closeted fans. the free exploration of art and self is crucial in learning queerness and something largely unspoken. especially in societies which are strictly controlling over female bodies and is still deeply homophobic, it makes it all the more important that there are places to indulge and fantasise what is already shamed. it goes a hell of a lot of ways more to normalising and accepting queerness than shaming and silencing ever would.

its similar to the grotesque in a way, especially mary j. russo's idea of the female grotesque -- finding the ways in which the female body fits within the landscape of the other, exploring the entirety of what is typically shamed in society like the horror of the female body, the horror of menstruation, the horror of the female self, and keenly highlighting such and thus in doing so expressing its liberation. although thats a more western centric lense, i find it can translate a lot to what goes on in queer spaces especially in asian fandom spaces. i don't have the means to properly examine it but there is a deeper connection to be made about queerness and the forbidden, the illicit, the grotesque, the horror and the freedom of fiction that gives -- to still exist and celebrated and loved and explored by creators and fans and, yes, straight young girls too when often it is not accepted in asian society.

oh here's my mini rant draft on the subject and yeah i got pretty angry as you can see and it was more a vague angry post than anything

im assuming past me knew what i was talking about but its been a few months now for me so like take what i say with a grain of salt obviously because i haven't seen the video since then and will never again! :)

thanks for being interested in my thoughts, sorry this was horribly rambly and excessively long, thank you for reading!!! 🌻🌻

watching hbomberguy's plagiarism video and realising that james somerton is the guy who i thought had a shit take on killing stalking and fandom spaces, especially asian queer fandom and the shipping scene. like months and months ago, i remember i finished somerton's video, wrinkled my face like i tasted a tart lemon and clocked this dingus as having no fucking idea what he's talking about. i had even started a writing up a rant about it and everything but just shoved it into my drafts because i didnt want to rewatch his rubbish video and subject my timeline with even more of his videos - ugh. so this is so emotionally validating truly.

[ventingoutmyass]

3.21.23

just now realizing ive never talked about that person from the halloween store five months back. Not the cool name one, a different one. One who actually shares my given name, and I could write a ten-page essay on the impact of that fact alone, and if they continue to overtake my every free thought much longer, I imagine I will. I dont know how ive gone this long without mentioning them. 

{this is humiliating to admit this shit, and if they ever find this i will kms about it. but documenting something so vital to my day-to-day is more important than the shame.} 

I’ll make this clear here and now, I have no idea of their thoughts or feelings or intentions about me. None at all. I’m too autistic for any hints and they’re too autistic for me to read like I can read neurotypical people. I’m as in the dark as anybody else reading this; hell probably even more so. 

There was no connection upon first contact like ive had before. Outside of their name, they did not cross my sightline for at least two weeks after meeting them my first day. It’s the way they naturally grew on me, and the way I feel like I grew on them. 

Maybe I just romanticize everything about them. Wouldn’t be the first time, won’t be the last. Maybe in the time lost between then and now fades the lines too much, i dont know. 

But also, maybe its the way ive never met a person who fits that weird, awkward mold of a person who could potentially pull me out of this. (again, running off the last post that it still is nearly impossible anyway). Even physically, they look almost exactly alike, its freaky. Its like theyve just brought this imaginary figure alive, with a face easier to remember, a smile I couldnt lose for years, eyes ive lost myself in the memory itself in the fresher days. 

Its the way that i could pick them apart at the seams, even five months later. All the little things, in all the ways I could never find a way to pick apart in those ive loved over the years, i could so easily in them. in the “what do you love about them” ways i never could believe in the answers ive given, let alone find believable ones. I found them in this person, somehow. 

Their laugh, the joy and terror at the same time. The way they looked at me, I always felt seen. I felt known, and as terrifying the thought always has been, for once it didnt hold so much weight, like maybe I could learn how to carry it. 

The way they looked at me. God, what I would give to have that evidence. It happened only once, and only for a brief few seconds, but god knows the way it stopped me in my tracks. I’m a pro at hiding, but I dont know if they may have believed what I hid it behind that day; if they had even been able to in that moment. Tunnel vision, two ways, that moment. Hell knows what they were looking for in those boxes or what question I asked, but damn do I carry that moment in me with hope, hope for what exactly im unsure, but hope nonetheless. 

~

They were friendly. always were, even when clearly overwhelmed or angry. No matter who was around, no matter where, they regarded me only with kindness. Maybe it was because I was one of the only who didnt look down on them, maybe they wanted to make a friend in me, maybe for other reasons. For as little as I knew, I still felt that I always understood them. I saw them trying, I saw them struggling. At times, they reminded me a lot of myself, for many reasons of many versions of me over the years. I envied the ways they reminded me of myself in younger years, when I would’ve taken their friendliness in stride. Then again, they wouldn’t have liked who I was then, for all my own reasons. Maybe just three or four years ago then, before things got really bad. Maybe I would’ve accepted their friendship. Maybe I would’ve made advances. Maybe not, at the same time. I’ve always been a coward. 

“no new friends“ got in the way. All of it, got in the way. I’ve never questioned these decisions or second-guessed dropping them until I knew this person. A person worthy of breaking the rules for. A person I likely will never know any further. A person I will carry for a long time, if not the rest of this time. The big ‘what if‘, a symbol for the biggest ‘what if’ i’d never know. What life I could’ve lived, if life had been better. Then again, if life had been better I likely never would have known them. Unless life offers me a way out of this path, I will never know the answers. 

This sucks. All of it sucks, of course, but especially this. Im not saying what I wanted to say, I dont even know what I exactly want to say, just that I have to try. I don’t want to easily forget this impact. 

I’m sorry for the times I seemed disinterested. I did everything I could to dance the line perfectly, “friendly so that you know I like you as a person, though I want no friendship, but none of its your fault”, I think would be the easiest way to describe how I interacted with them. 

I guess if they are reading this, I’m sorry this is so stupid and meaningless and cringey. I’ll hate myself for writing this. I already do. I imagine you’ve forgotten about me by this point, definitely lost all interest if there was any to begin with. 

I’m sorry I’m not good with words. I’m sorry I couldn’t be well enough to try. You deserve better. You deserve all the good in the world. Anybody I could have potentially loved deserves far more than I could ever offer them. That is a rule I have lived by for a few years now. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this to you. 

Writing is all I know. 

[queerlordsimon]

May I request Deuce with #20 (”christmas wont be the same without you, y’know?”) please 🙏

If the fates allow

Day eleven: prompt 20 “christmas wont be the same without you, y’know?” deuce spade x reader

Cw angst, reader has to go home, minor bits of bl00d

Authors note i apologize for angst two days in a row, blame @hotchocolatefairy

Have yourself, a merry little christmas

Deuce ran across the courtyard, towards the ramshackle dorm. Small tears threatening to pour over his waterline.

Let your heart, be light

Second year at night raven, y/n still had yet to find a way home, at least by the beginning of the year. That was also when he had said screw it, if crowley hadent found a way for them home the whole year, then the likelihood of of there actually being a way home, was so low he was gonna take the risk, and asked the prefect if they’d be his partner. 

Next year all our troubles, will be out of sight

They’d said yes, and that began the most wonderful year of deuces life. Sure, it was stressful, for many a reason, but he got to face it with y/n by his side. His mother could hear the happiness and excitement in his voice when he called her and told her.

Have yourself, a merry little christmas

He stumbled over his own feet, scraping his hands on the ground, but getting right up and continued running, not caring about the stares his fellow students were giving him.

May the yuletide, gae

Their first kiss was shared under the ancient tree outside ramshackle. y/n pulled him by his tie into it, and the reminder of that moment made his stomach leap, but in this context, not in the good way.

Next year all our troubles, will be miles away

y/n smiling and cheering him on at his track meets, comforting him if he lost, or giving him the biggest of hugs, nearly tackling him when he wins. His tears started falling as these memories replayed in his head.

Once again, as in olden days

The warm autumn days where y/n decided for grim and him to rake up the leaves from the trees into piles and falling backwards into them, the dappled sunlight lighting up their face. 

Happy golden days, of yore

The day y/n elatedly said theyd go home with him for christmas. They had the brightest smile hed seen on their face since they met. 

He arrived outside ramshackle, panting heavily as he knocked on the door.

Faithful friends, who are dear to us

The prefect answered the door, eyes widening as they saw their boyfriend doubled over like that, breathing and it looked like there was blood on his hands. “Deucy?” their voice was high pitched, and deuce hugged them tightly, almost painfully, but the prefect didnt care, wrapping their arms back around him.

Will be near to us, once more

“Your going home n/n?” his voice cracked against his will, more tears than he had planned spilling over his waterline. y/n nodded slightly, crying as well.

“Yes, deucy, crowley finally found a way for me to get home. I have to go” a small sob wracked deuces body, but he stayed quiet.

“I-im happy for you, n/n, you finally get to see your family again.” y/n nodded again.

“Im sorry, deucy.”

Someday soon, we all will be together

“Its ok, y/n, you have to go, i-i understand. Youve missed your home. I couldnt take away that chance from you.” y/n kissed the side of his head hard. 

“Its unfair to you though”

“Ill live,y/n, dont worry about me”

If the fates allow

“Ill find a way back, i promise deucy, i will find my way back.” deuce let out a sad laugh.

“I dont doubt you, y/n.” y/n smiled sadly, pulling away and kissing him hard.

Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow

They kissed in a sad passion, before they pulled away. Deuce smiled sorrowfully. 

“Its just, christmas wont be the same without you, y’know?”

So have yourself, a merry little christmas now. 

—-----

-queer.lord

How did i manage not to cry while writing this? Im soooo sorry for those reading this, and im sorry deuce for torturing you. I hope you got what you wanted @spadecentral . also sorry to you for making it so sad, but, its where it went. Thank you for requesting, thank you for reading. Requests for the event are still open, i need 8 more or else imma start using a random wheel to pick what to do. The prompt list is HERE and the masterlist is HERE , i promise most of my fics for this event are not angst, so please check out the masterlist to find the non sad ones. And ill see you tomorrow. 

[descendantofthesparrow]

How do you come up with outfits for the characters?? Thats one thing you’ve always inspired for me

I’m just not good with fashion, and I’m currently drawing descendants fanart. I just can’t get the outfits right (it’s Gil x ben because they are superior)

How do you come up with the amazing outfits??

I'll use my d3 rewrite as a reference; honestly? i have no fucking clue. when i first started i knew nothing about fashion...or well-next to nothing. i knew what i liked and i kinda knew what i liked on the characters. when i first started with my descendants redesigns, allll the way back in 2020 when the first wedding shorts came out, i started with Mal.

and....honestly, wasnt pretty;

i was basing it off her og outfit and mixing it with her motor bike gear. its a hot mess, i was just starting out in design and-honestly, still learning about drawing in general. back then i just -couldnt comprehend that Belts could be other colors than brown???idk why but every belt was either black-blue or brown.

then later, in june 2020, about-...five months after the first draft; i redesigned Mal d3 main outfit again

better, but-not as good as it could be. this time i went off biker punk and gave her muted colors to balance her vibrant jacket, and yeah-its okay. still learning the ropes of design and art.

and then-and then~ 2021 came along, and my god i must've opened my third eye to fashion cuz like-my game? fucking STRONG

i somehow made ACTUAL outfits, that real people would wear! i really don't know how i got from point a to point b but i did! i know most artists don't like to hear this, but practice really does help. along with references; looking at fashion helps you develop a sense for it and it becomes easier to just-make up outfits as you go.

it also helped that i had feedback from my beta reader and descendants friends, i sent them photos of my ideas and they gave me a "hell yeah!" or "i would change this bit right here because (reason)" and either that change would work wonderfully or it wouldn't fit right and i would scrap the bit of design (this happened mostly with Jay and Carlos lol)

all design is trial and error, find your knook, find your inspiration, look at how people in real life dress, get some practice on that, and just-making outfits on the fly will become easier and easier, i know my recent outfit with Audrey-i just...drew up. i had no reference for that.

also, Gil dresses in warm autumn colors; he's a comfortable fashion dude. he likes fashion, just prefers being comfortable over looking good. Ben wears cool blues with layers, usually, he'll have a plain shirt with a good-looking jacket over it, with comfortable pants and nice shoes. if that helps? cool, if not? ignore me I'm babbling XD

[djpachipikachu]

prompted by no one at all /j HERE WE GO DISSERTATION ON ROTTMNT LEO’S AROASEXUALITY plus how it fits into graves leosagi bc theyre not romantic

alright so Already previously seen we know he gags and finds romance and pda and the idea of people dating to be gross and Sure maybe thats just a teenager thing (although his brothers never reacted the same way really) But heres my detailed description of his aroaceness that will barely be brought up in any art or writing ill make (maybe. it might be brought up in my fic but itll be a while)

- he rejects romance from a young age , his repulsion being brushed off as just being a little kid thing; he hates romantic plot lines in lou jitsu films, he is disgusted when they kiss on screen, he finds randomly interjected romances in the jupiter jim comics Insanely boring and very forced and unappealing

- growing up thru the series , romance has never been a focus for any of them at all bc like who cares But even when it wasnt a big deal he . still had that disgust . perhaps its just cause he wanted to be a stinky little rebellious teen ? perhaps he just found it funny to annoy ppl by fake gagging at romance movies ? his brothers also thought they were pretty stupid and cliche, he never rly needed anyone but his family anyways, he couldnt imagine somehow finding someone that was more important than any of them

(although when he’d discuss fictional crushes with donnie , he’d just pull up his favorite characters honestly. he didnt realise donnie was actually Attracted to atomic lass or cheery tomato or whatever, he rly did just choose the fake guys that made him happy to think about, isnt that just what all love was? they were fictional, so it doesnt reallt matter)

(its not like romance was ever important before but splinter keeps making jokes about all of them gettinf married sometime in the future and it fills leo with dread at the idea of it being inevitable)

- ALLONORMATIVITY !!! he and his brothers grew up mainly consuming media to know about society outside !!!! and almost Every media has romance somewhere in it. it’s exaggerated and conventional and flowery and unrealistically explosive . he knows hes aroace somewhat, he wasnt so sheltered from the outside world that he didnt figure out himself, but those Doubts wriggle in , all the “maybe you havent found the right one”s got to him sometimes

- he cant imagine being away from his family for any reason. romance cant be that good. (psst! all tmnt families grow up codependent on each other due to knowing nothing else aside from their family and fear of beinf discovered !)

- but as irrational as it is, hes afraid of his family and friends outside of it (not that he rly has any,,,) being split away from him bc romance takes priority. it always does in movies at least.

- heres where my fic comes in , him and usagi are an unlabelled relationship but a qpr if a label Had to be given (they dont label themselves) and leo is openly physically affectionate with usagi (but he is affectionate with everyone in the same way) and Doubt crawls in

- fear that usagi sees his affection as romantic bc romance repulses both of them , fear that his usual affection isnt Big enough to show his Big Feelings bc he knows it isnt romance but like? surely just platonic feelings cant be this strong? surely he has to show it more? does he have to kiss him on the lips to show it? go on grand dates and outtings? does usagi expect that? (they both think kissing on the lips is gross, leo still has trouble unlearninf that platonic love is not inherently lesser than romantic, most of their hangouts are mundane and domestic errand running, usagi expects nothing more bc hes content with what they have)

- basically leo has only ever grown up with romance being shown as the end all feelinf above everything else when He Personally prioritizes his family so much more . so when he gets a feeling thats Just as big as how he feels about his family, but its obviously not a familial feeling, he just. Doesnt know if what he does is enough to show how important usagi is to him. he tries to follow what they do in movies but it feels unnatural and gross and uncomfortable and he doesnt Like it !

smth smth queer platonic love here have a writing snippet that can say it better idk

gestures loudly at him hes aroace he has big feelings and hes so freely affectionate with everyone he knows and everyone he loves is so important to him but its not that big of a deal really bc of course he loves his family more than anything of course he loves his best friend he loves a lot of things love isnt restricted to romance

born to infodump about aroace rottmnt leo and his rejection of romance while also suffering allonormativity forced to listen to a conventionally romantic song and interpret it as aroace