#and considering who created the series that kinda makes sense to me

[mikurulucky]

So this reddit comment has some interesting info about squires in the middle ages and what role they played. Apparently, they weren't ALWAYS knights' servants and the role kinda varied depending on the time period and country.

Certainly explains why Jean de Carrouges and Jacques de Gris were squires for much longer than what's popularly thought regarding when squires could be knighted. I believe they were both in their 30s when they met and were still considered squires for a while?

[dogtoling]

General life- and blog update , since I assume at least a few people might have been wondering where I've been and what i've been up to recently. I obviously haven't been posting or drawing much this year in general. This will probably be an important post if you care about stuff on this blog, and I already rambled on Sheezy, but that site isn't very populated yet and it's also very good at hiding journals so let's just ramble again...

The summary of this post if you hate reading: I'm heavily considering just stepping away from Splatoon. That decision obviously would affect this blog (mostly, my OCs, which is kinda most of the blog at this point). I don't think the blog itself will go anywhere, and I'll probably use it for something in the future... alternatively i'll cherry pick stuff from here into an archive for people who like the worldbuilding.

Longer post under cut:

So what have I been up to this year? The answer is quite simple: NOTHING. Like, actually absolutely nothing. Aside from Art Fight, this has probably been one of my worst art output years of all time, which is really frustrating. That's between my horrendous mental health and depression chasms this year and a complete lack of both focus and inspiration (which can also get chalked down to the depression to a degree, yeah). So the very real reason to why there hasn't been much activity on this blog this year is because I just haven't Done Anything in general.

Now because I know there will be a few people who think "that's fine! you shouldn't judge yourself based on productivity!" you're right! I also agree. However the issue for me specifically is that most (if not all) the time I spend NOT drawing or creating, I spend sitting around wishing I could start drawing or creating, because that is like the 1 thing that keeps me sane on this freaking earth. Unfortunately coming up with OC scenarios in my head doesn't really result in output I can feel fulfilled by in any form as much as I wish it did, lol.

Now; The Issue. It doesn't take a genius to see that if you spend 9 months trying to finish like a dozen OC pages that you COULD do in a week or 2 if you wanted to, then there's probably more than just the problem of executive dysfunction (even though that's at least 60% of it for sure). Obviously my other major problem is that I live by imaginary rules and structures that make sense, but aren't actually useful at ALL in reality and are more than a hindrance if anything (the mental to do-list in my head that says i can't do X until I've done Y doesn't do very much if task Y takes 10 months and I also don't want to do it, and it also has no structured ending).

How does this tie into stepping away from Splatoon, you may ask. Well, the issue is that I have foreseeably fallen out of love with the series. Which isn't exactly news lol. Currently, I'm not even sure i will get the next game, if and when the time comes. Yes, the loss of interest is also expected, given that Splatoon 3 has ended and every fandom has this kind of downtime and lukewarm in-between-titles period. But the truth is that modern Splatoon (almost 10 years old!!!!) is tangibly different from the way the series was back when I fell in love with it. That was Splatoon 1, and while the series has improved in a lot of aspects and is thriving, it's grown in a direction that I just don't really like. Splatoon 3 had the most freaking horrendous, immersion breaking story mode they could've done, then they followed it up with a DLC story that was pretty cool but also compounded a lot of my fears about the series' future and played into every single thing i do not want Splatoon stories to be - fully character focused, random fucking villain, mundane event that's unrealistically world-threatening just because a kids video game needs a scary climax even though it's immersion breaking AGAIN, the whole thing taking place in cyberspace and thus offering basically no worldbuilding even though there is SO MUCH WORLD. I COULD GO ON.

The gist of it is that nowadays, rather than playing Splatoon and being inspired and excited at what comes next, I mostly find myself dreading what dumbass plot they will do next to throw a wrench in the otherwise good stuff. And when that's like THE main approach I have to what's supposed to be my favorite series, it is HARROWING. I can't even really blame the game for this; the story is NOT its selling point, the developers probably do their best to get the bits to us that they really want to tell, and at the end of the day the game is unfortunately a product. Worldbuilding for Splatoon is fun to a point. It's less fun when in order to actually write or create something coherent, instead of filling in the blanks, the blanks are 90% of the freaking thing. At that point you're just better off making something of your own instead of being anchored onto an IP that gives more problems than answers and occasionally shoots you with like a machine gun. Working in the realm of Splatoon is frustrating because more often than not, the questions I have ARE NOT MINE TO ANSWER, and the likelihood that the specific-ass questions I need answers to will ever be actually addressed is really low.

Tying this back to my OCs. Obviously I love my OCs more than I love myself which admittedly isn't that high of a bar but you get the point. The problem is that I spend a lot of time mulling over worldbuilding that, again, frankly isn't mine to do. Because if I want it to be Splatoon, then it should be mostly accurate to how Splatoon is! But the problem with that is that there's really not THAT MUCH worldbuilding in the series that you can work with, and most of the core game mechanics are just abstract enough that it's actually horrendous to try and come up with workarounds and ways for things to make sense that don't require just constructing a full knockoff version mirror dimension of the game and saying fuck everything that's in place here because Inkopolis Plaza literally has no roads in or out of there and I have no fucking idea how that's allowed when your only option is to jump the fence (or, nowadays, take the train which also isnt connected to a street as far as I remember). Between the face value issue and the lack of REALLY IMPORTANT worldbuilding, like - I will always come back to this - THE INK TANK'S FUNCTION 10 YEARS DOWN THE LINE - there's a goddamn ocean of plot holes and things that end up being obstacles to creativity rather than inspiration. I feel like I'm pretty solidly at the point (and have been for a while) where hanging onto Splatoon is really only contributing to creativity block and frustration with lack of freedom and the ability to actually do things.

So I guess those are my reasonings that I've put together just sitting here for the time being. The TL;DR is that I wish I could just do stuff without Splatoon's canon getting in the way, which is a really stupid problem to have if you're making Splatoon OCs. I feel this frustration extremely strongly every time I have to work with actual bigger aspects of the world; we still don't have an Inkopolis map, we don't know what the world around Inkopolis looks like, we don't know what the wilderness is like aside from Just Normal Forest and Desert and very few snippets as to what modern wildlife MIGHT be, I still don't know how the fuck the Inklings teleport to the goddamn arctic ocean to play a turf war at Shipshape Cargo co. These are all actually really important things if you're trying to establish a setting in any kind of storytelling that's outside of immediate city bounds (and even there, you need to know the layout of the city and its important areas). Also a fucking mutant bear and a baby salmon and a squid not wearing suitable gear went to space and fought on a rocket in space. These are some things that would give me peace of mind to not have to deal with in my own writing, probably.

So where do we go from here? Unsure. I haven't really made a decision on this front yet, though right now I'm leaning more towards actually going ahead with trying to do my own thing. That will result in obvious design and setting changes for my OCs whenever I get around to it. This blog probably won't go anywhere (again, unless I impulse delete it during a mood swing like i've almost done on like three separate occasions this year), but it will probably get less use, and I will probably end up making a new blog to post about whatever I end up doing once I get to a point where it feels like it makes sense. There's a chance that I will delete this blog and put all the interesting stuff on an archive blog for the people who are here just for the worldbuilding. My actual true passion for a long time now hasn't even been Splatoon anymore, it's just been cephalopods. I'm kind of done having Splatoon get in the way of the cephalopods, as thankful as I am that it introduced me to them...

If you read this to the end heres a treat for you = 🍪

[mythalism]

i'm back in the building.

i'm still on my first playthrough, slogging through it but i think i realized what it is about this game that feels more like a chore than an actual gaming experience. i talked about the cinematics and like that's a whole thing i have beef with in the world where we have mocap and also just genuinely amazing technology for animation development but WHATEVERRR.

as a person who enjoys story games even without creating my oc, like red dead 2, the witcher series, the reason i find veilguard lacking is that rook is neither an every man character (ala hawke & shepherd 🩷) nor are they an empty enough canvas to fill in (ala hof, inq, tarnished in elden ring) it kinda feels that even as a player you have to suspend disbelief for your own character.

like for example in the witcher, all of geralt's choices cross over through three games and really you can dress him & comb him how you like but the choices are story related and you can still find satisfaction in them. same with red dead 2 and arthur where the game is more rigid storywise but still, you can unlock two endings depending on how you approach arthur's personality as a person.

and the crux of the issue is rook is not a person. they are in every way, a video game character. the infantile gameplay (left off from the mmo no doubt with no tactical view, quest summaries, limited "loot" boxes, no interaction with fauna, no actual crafting just upgrading) the juvenile writing / "storytelling" (telling fans to interpret the plot however they want, trick saying it's possible the evanuris aren't even all gone which renders the entire game pointless if we did all that and elgar'nan is in turkey getting new veneers fitted.) the fact that rook is basically woe. storyline be upon ye. (taash's identity being chosen for them ???, telling either low app, high app, or rom inq what to do w solas and yes the dialogue option of yay let's save him! also exists w low app inq?? which is to say to stop solas isn't the same as having low app but they didn't even let players choose that lol you can still change inq's mind)

like the whole game is an mmo without the multiplayer aspect. the storyline is loosey goosey because well most multiplayers are bc they go through rancid updates and additions (fallout 84 comes to mind specifically, and considering how badly that flopped idk how bioware saw the reception and went yay!!!!! lets do that!!!) and all your companions prefer to interact w each other than you because well. yeah. you're a player. you're not playing a character, you're basically playing yourself or at the very least a very conceptual idea of yourself in this fantasy realm.

anyway i have a nuke enroute to ea's HQ. that's all 🙂‍↕️

i just read this like an old man reading the morning paper, sipping coffee and nodding along like 🙂‍↕️ mhm mhm 🙂‍↕️ 🙂‍↕️

i completely agree with all of this and it really clicked for me how much the multiplayer bones of the game impacted the story and choice specifically. like obviously ive known about the multiplayer foundations for like 5 years and how it’s sooooo clear in the gameplay but this just made it click for me that it’s literally to blame for the story too… of course none of the choices are truly significant. multiplayer games fundamentally cannot have significant choice that affects the world because not everyone will make the same choice. the only MMO I’m super familiar with is ESO and when i think of the choices you’re allowed to make in that game versus what you’re allowed to do in veilguard…. yeah. they’re both shallow, and usually only cosmetic. it makes sense to me that the choice like minrathous vs treviso is pretty much just cosmetic, and then it takes content away instead of adding something new. the companion choices seem to really only manifest in some new banter? except for maybe emmrich? like it’s so clear that they had this multiplayer foundation, which is mutually exclusive with meaningful player choice, and then were told to build a single player RPG on top. it was literally an impossible ask.

also hard agree on everything you said about rook. i literally hate rook LMFAO they are so nothing - like a voice acted MMO character… i do want to play the game a second time but i want to play a veil jumper elf and genuinely the fact that my dalish elf character would have the dread wolf in her back pocket and just never ask him a single fucking question on anything that she and her entire culture have devoted their lives to figuring out and learning is so fucking infuriating I cannot stand to put myself through it

[lynxgriffin]

Since we've got plenty of time to reflect, who do you the Knight is? (I'm very much hoping it's Papyrus)

Okay! So! 

While I uh, think that Jaru is super wrong on almost all his theories, I've got one major exception where I think he is correct, and that’s the identity of the Knight:

(This is kinda long, so going under the read more)

Namely, that the Knight is Gerson’s soul tied to a particular object and brought to life in the Dark World. Although for me personally, I’m going to tweak that idea quite a bit because I think it can actually tie in really nicely with my current theories on Ralsei’s identity and nature. 

We keep getting little references to Gerson brought up here and there in both chapters: there’s a drawing of a turtle monster in the abandoned classroom, done by Alvin. It’s presumably either Alvin himself or his dad, Gerson, and I’m guessing it’s the latter. We have books written by Gerson in multiple places, a memorial bench for him, and then Alvin’s conversation about him in the graveyard by his headstone. Alvin also mumbles something about “did I do the right thing?” to Gerson’s grave. As long as you initiate a conversation with Alvin, the game makes sure that you don't miss that extra bit, which is a little telling.

We know that Gerson was originally a historian, and then later turned to writing fiction, and wrote a beloved fiction series that fans still send his family letters about after his death. 

What do we know about the nature of the Dark Worlds? They’re basically imagination and fantasy brought to life. While they certainly seem to have a full history outside of what we experience, with characters that remember each other even from other Dark Worlds, they’re only “given form” when a dark fountain is opened. Any Lightner with determination can stab the earth, and a dark, inky substance can spew from it and give a world of fantasy its own form. The Darkners frequently talk about how Lightners give them direction and purpose in their lives.

So…question! How many of you have used a fountain pen?

I have used those before. They’re quite sharp, and using them very often feels like scratching or stabbing the paper. Black ink spews forth, and from this black ink…you can create whole worlds of fiction! Worlds that other people can interact with! 

We know that Gerson wrote beloved fiction well into his old age. What if he knew his time was coming, but still had stories to tell? What if he didn’t want to stop? Alvin says how his dust was sprinkled on a hammer and buried in the earth, and that this is considered the appropriate monster cultural ritual for helping a soul pass to the afterlife. But Alvin also appears to have done something that is still really troubling him. Maybe Alvin, either at his father's request or based on his own wants, didn’t actually follow the appropriate cultural funeral rites, and somehow helped his father’s soul attach to a different beloved object…a fountain pen that he’d use to write down his story ideas. And if that object gets brought to life with a dark fountain, you could get the Knight: the soul of a writer, filtered exclusively through their favorite writing tool, unwilling to stop creating.

I think it would make sense on a few logical and thematic levels:

It explains how the Knight is able to get around and open the fountains: the same way that Ralsei is able to do the weird things he does. They’re both Darkners carrying Lightner souls, so they can bend the rules.

It explains Queen’s insistence that Lightners are the ones that can create fountains, while King hates Lightners but seems to fully trust the Knight…a Darkner with a Lightner soul can meet both those people's expectations.  

It sets up the Knight as a foil to Ralsei: they’re both the same kind of special Dark World being, both believing that they are fulfilling their roles and serving the Lightners, but coming to vastly different conclusions about how to do that. 

It explains the Knight’s motivations: not that he’s actually trying to destroy the world or anything, but that he’s trying to serve the Lightners. He knows very well how much joy and positivity his fiction has brought to Lightners in the past. How could more of that be anything bad? This is his purpose, what he was made to do. Not doing it is virtually unthinkable.

And I think that in turn keeps him following in the footsteps of how Toby usually writes his villains…rarely if ever fully malicious, but utterly convinced that they’re doing the right thing, or that they have no choice in the matter. 

And of course that ties in with one of Deltarune’s themes: the balance between reality and fantasy. The Knight has no more ties with reality, and therefore is focused exclusively on creating more fantasy and having it supplant reality, upsetting the balance between them. 

And this is extremely speculative, but I've been thinking about how Toby mentioned that chapter three will be a bit of an odd one out, that it's more about trying weird things than advancing a lot of plot. Kind of an interesting thing to note since Kris just made a fountain that should take us into chapter three. If the Dark Worlds are in some way shaped by the will of the Lightner that makes them, then chapter three indicates that Kris's will manifests more as just...trying out stuff rather than something purposeful. Kris makes a fountain because they really want to keep up this special hangout with their friends. But the Knight? He's making narratives.

[oswildin]

The Good Kind (President Loki x GN!Reader)

Summary: You and Loki are rivals. Then why did he never harm you? Why did he never truly want you dead? Loki is complicated, but underneath it all… Perhaps he was more simple than you expected. (Enemies to Lovers vibe, slow burn, kinda angsty?)

Rating: SFW, All ages

Warnings: Mentions of blood, stab wound

A/N: Okay, this took me far too long to finish. Don’t know if I’m completely satisfied but I just cannot give anymore brain power to this idea lmao. Probably would’ve worked better as a fic series but like I just can’t mentally give that! Hope you enjoy!

Surviving in the void was… Well, how do you think surviving in the void was?

Cruel, harsh, dangerous…

You get the idea.

But it was especially difficult when you had rivals. In a place where everything came to die, still there was time for such things. It all seemed rather futile and pointless… But… Perhaps it made the days go by a little faster - or ‘void days’ anyway. Funnily enough, time moved differently at the end of time.

One of the most common variants found in the Void were Loki’s. Truly, take a walk for a few minutes and eventually you’d come across one. But the problem with encountering a Loki is trying to figure out whether they were the ‘good kind’ or the ‘bad kind’.

Now, of course, that was a generalisation. An easy way to box them in your mind. You weren’t naive, you understood the nuisances of Loki’s, you lived with four of them.

They found you when they were out searching for supplies in the wasteland, and you were thankful they did. If they hadn’t, Alioth would’ve devoured you or worse… Someone else may have found you. Cassandra was someone who most Loki’s - if not all - stayed well away from. They weren’t stupid. In fact, there was a tale that one Loki was brave, or foolish, enough to try and face her… And well… Let’s just say, it wasn’t him who told the tale.

(Dead. He was dead.)

No, Loki’s tended to keep their fighting amongst themselves. It would be comical if you hadn’t witnessed their hostility and attempts at backstabbing first hand. Surely they could see how ridiculous and ironic it was? Even at the end of time, Loki’s were fighting against their greatest enemy…

Themselves.

The group you had been taken in by were just grateful to have someone who wasn’t a Loki variant around. You brought some sense of order to their self-created chaos. The older variant was the most visibly exasperated most of the time, and you could hardly blame him. You felt exasperated too and that was without the factor of constantly arguing with yourself.

Aside from Alioth, pirates and the general savages of the void, your groups biggest rival was another group of Loki’s, lead by the variant who was known as ‘The President’. A title that you always refused to use. Even with the child, you never called him ‘King’ or ‘My Liege’. Although, he didn’t seem to mind so much, knowing you had no interest in acquiring the throne or any interest is the chaotic politics of the void. It all seemed rather pointless in such a place. Or maybe that was the real problem, that unlike the world you came from, trying to implement any form of order or system seemed like a moot point, especially when so many fought over wanting control over the wasteland.

You were currently sat on the edge of the manhole, your boots resting on the ladder. You knew not to go far, and being in such a position allowed you to warn the others of any danger and make your own quick retreat back inside your hideout. You sighed, the breeze brushing your skin as you enjoyed a moment of peace - or at least what you considered ‘peace’ in the void. However, you quickly spotted an approaching figure in the near distance, walking over a grassy mound as your eyes narrowed.

Your hand moved to rest on the hilt of your dagger in your belt, a precaution, ready to defend yourself if need be. However, you relaxed slightly as you realised it was the one who you refused to address as ‘The President’. He was alone, and he hadn’t seen you yet. You pursed your lips, thinking for a moment before shifting, turning your body so you could push yourself to stand on the grass, quietly closing the manhole cover. The last thing you needed was him finding your newest hideout spot after he discovered and recked your last one.

You made the decision to follow him, keeping a safe distance, your curiosity getting the better of you. It was rare you ever saw him without his little gang of followers. And something told you that something was amiss.

After a minute of following the variant, he came to a halt, spinning around as his icy eyes narrowed in on you. Shit. You quickly reached for your dagger, the metal making a slight noise as you removed it from your belt, seeing him conjuring his own dagger as you both began to stalk towards one another.

“Did you really think you could sneak up on me?” President Loki asked lowly, arrogance colouring his tone, that familiar sly glint in his eye.

“I wasn’t sneaking, I was following.” You replied, your own voice steady, your steps slowing as you both came to a stop, a few feet between you.

“Hm, either way-“ Loki raised his dagger, pointing the tip towards you. “You failed. You are rather bad at being inconspicuous.” He quipped, a faint smirk tugging at his lips.

“Why are you out here alone?” You ignored his comment, raising a curious brow. “Where’s your loyal possy?” Loki’s eyes narrowed further, darting around you both briefly to check for any sign of your own group, ensuring this wasn’t an ambush.

“They’re busy.” He simply stated, raising his chin as his gaze fell on you once more. “And what of yours?”

“Also busy.” You shrugged faintly, your fingers twitching around the hilt of your dagger. A tense moment of silence fell between you both before Loki lowered his dagger, satisfied it was safe to do so. Well, safe for now. With a flick of his wrist, the dagger disappeared in a green shimmer, allowing you to relax slightly.

“Do you have a death wish?” He asked, a hint of amusement on his features.

“In this place? Probably.” You said wryly, sheathing your dagger back into your belt as you let out a sigh. “Trouble in Loki paradise?” You asked, raising a brow. Loki’s jaw twitched faintly. “Oh dear, did one of your own try to backstab you?” You continued, voice filled with mock sympathy. “Even you can’t keep yourself in line it seems.”

“Watch your tongue, mortal.” Loki hissed, taking a step closer, his hands moving behind his back. “Or I won’t hesitate to cut it out.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Maybe it was because of how much of your time you spent surrounded by Loki’s, but any threat given had lost its effect after hearing so many of them. You folded your arms over your chest, tilting your head as you regarded him.

“Have you ever just… tried to talk it out? Instead of threatening your… followers?” You asked, making Loki blink before a breathy, mocking laugh left him.

“Threats invoke fear and fear makes others more… cooperative.” He replied smoothly, his own head tilting faintly. “Kings do not get their thrones by simply ‘talking’.”

“Maybe not, but Kings don’t get to keep their thrones without it.” You countered, the distant rumble of Alioth sounding through the air. Your eyes flickered over to the left, seeing the giant cloud monster lurking, searching for its next meal. Loki’s eyes lingered on your profile, a look of thought passing over his features before his gaze followed yours.

“I suggest you head back.” He muttered lowly, turning on his heel, facing away from you. “Before Alioth decides he fancies a rather defiant-tasting dinner.” You bit your lower lip lightly, knowing he was right. You looked back at him, seeing him beginning to walk away, continuing on his original path.

Good kind or bad kind? You were still figuring him out.

You’d had a few run-ins with him, and never once did he harm you. Never one did he even attempt to take you, use you as bait for the other Loki’s, or at all factor you into his schemes. It was confusing. Why? He had plenty of chances, this being one of them. Perhaps he just didn’t think you were worth his time. You were just a mortal after all, he had bigger fish to fry.

Unbeknownst to you, President Loki did indeed keep you alive for a reason… Probably the same reason as his fellow variants…

You weren’t a Loki.

Spending so long in the void with only himself, literally… Well, having someone who wasn’t him was… a strange comfort. He’d never admit it, of course. You were the potential of a different perspective, a different way of thinking, a different attitude. Even if you were just a mere mortal. But most mortals perished within the first few minutes of their arrival, and you… You survived. That was the only thing about you that was even remotely close to a Loki. Survival.

If he had stumbled across you when you first arrived, he was sure he would’ve killed you, or left you to Alioth. But his other variants had taken pity. But perhaps his way would’ve also been him taking pity, stopping you from being subjected to the harsh reality of the void. Maybe his cruelty would’ve been a kindness.

And maybe, he did hold a… tiny spec of respect for you. Not in the typical sense, but in twisted way. Perhaps he respected you, because you weren’t one of him. He didn’t even fully understand it himself. And he didn’t care to.

“You did what…?”

President Loki’s voice held a dangerous edge, his back straightening as he turned to look at the two fools before him. The two Loki variants shared a look of confusion at their leaders tone, clearly expecting him to be pleased with their actions. Loki took a slow step closer, his golden horns making him look even more intimidating as they glinted in the dim light of their hideout.

“Speak!” Loki’s voice barked, command lacing the simple word as one of the variants obeyed.

“W-we caught the mortal.” The woman Loki variant spoke, her blue eyes darting to her accomplice. “They were split from the others, and we saw an opportunity…” She paused. “For you, my liege.” She quickly added, brows furrowing faintly. Loki exhaled a deep breath, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment as his hand moved to pinch to bridge of his nose. “We can use them to lure the others, ambush them!”

Another Loki variant walked past, holding an old chalice of wine in his hand as the President whirled around, smacking it from his hand, the cup clattering to the ground. He didn’t pay the innocent variants offence any mind, his hands moving to his hips, pushing back the hem of his blazer as they settled there.

“You beef-witted… Oafs!” Loki insulted them, irritation clear on his face as he whirled back around to face them. “You were sent to survey them! Not capture one of them!”

“We saw an opportunity for the upper hand and took it!” The other variant finally spoke, stepping forwards. “Which is more than you have been doing as of late.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he had made a mistake. But it was too late for apologies, Loki had summoned his dagger in a heartbeat, advancing on his idiotic variant, grabbing him by his makeshift armour. His dagger moved to press against the variants throat, his followers all pausing their chatter in the decrepit room as they watched with half amusement and half caution.

“You undermine me?” Loki growled, a snarl curling at his lip. “Your fierce leader? Your future King? The superior Loki?” He pressed the blade of the dagger closer to his variants neck, making his variant try and move his head further back, trying to put space between him and the cold metal.

Loki knew there had been whispers amongst his ranks, doubts about his leadership, his resolve for the throne… And he knew it wouldn’t be long before those whispers turned into action, a rebellion… And he couldn’t have that. No. He worked too hard to get here.

With a low sound of frustration, Loki pushed the variant back, the dagger disappearing in a flash of green. The variant took a breath, composing himself as he glared at his leader.

“If I hear any more treacherous words, any more doubt about my ability to lead us to victory…” Loki turned slowly, eyeing all of his followers, ensuring each one felt the gravity of his words. “And I’ll make sure Alioth is well fed.” He threatened, tense silence following. Satisfied he had made his point, he turned on his heel, stalking off towards the stock kept further inside the hideout, leaving his variants to stew over his warning.

Pushing aside the tatty curtain, Loki’s eyes fell upon you. You were sat on a crate, wrists and ankles bound with rope and tape over your mouth and you were… glaring at him. He could hardly blame you.

“Shoddy workmanship.” Loki remarked, raising a brow as he nodded towards the ropes, a hint of a smirk on his lips despite the lingering irritation. “I personally would’ve used magic, but some of my variants lack… finesse.” He added, letting out a short sigh before stepping through the curtain into the small room. It was filled with random scraps of metal and wood, cans of food and other items that could be useful to their survival.

Quite frankly, you were pissed.

Loki summoned his dagger once more, twirling casually between his fingers, his eyes narrowing. You eyed the dagger, feeling a hint of uncertainty creeping in. You had heard part of the disagreement that had just taken place, and couldn’t help but worry that… perhaps he would use this to his advantage now. He may as well, right? You were right there. Maybe he would use you to lure out the others or maybe he would just kill you, just to make a point to his doubters that he was still as fierce as he once was.

Silently, he stepped closer, your breaths quickening as you felt your heartbeat pound in your chest. He held your gaze, an unreadable expression on his face. He lifted the dagger, moving it towards you, making you squeeze your eyes shut, waiting for the harm to befall you.

But instead…

You heard the sound of rope being sliced through, the slight tug of your wrists before they fell free. Your brows creased, confused as your eyes reopened, looking down to see the rope in your lap. Your wrists were in fact now free.

“I assume you’re capable of untying your ankles yourself.” Loki commented casually, as if he hadn’t just toyed with you, once again sending his dagger back into his pocket dimension. “I don’t want to get my trousers dirty.” He added wryly, gesturing towards the stone floor, well aware that his trousers were already rather tatty.

He was… letting you free? Or at least, free from your restraints?

You felt suspicion and skepticism rise as you reached up to remove the tape from your lips, pulling at it as the sound filled the small space before a ‘fuck’ left your lips at the sting of it pulling at your skin. You took a breath, throwing the tape aside with distain before leaning forwards to eagerly untie your ankles.

“Think of this as a… I scratch your back, you scratch mine situation.” Loki continued, stepping back to give you some space, his eyes flickering around the stock.

Of course, there was an angle. There always was with a Loki.

“I’d rather you just killed me.” You muttered with a huff, making Loki’s lips tug into a brief smile - one that was toothy and sly.

“You see… Not everything I do involves a threat.” He mused, leaning against a nearby rickety shelving unit. “It’s a fair bargain, is it not? Your freedom for a favour. A favour which I can call upon at any time.”

You kicked the rope from your boots, pushing yourself to stand, an ache in your muscles from the fight you’d tried to put up against his two lackeys. “And by favour you mean betrayal.” You said lowly, narrowing your eyes. “Let me guess… I rat out my group, help you scheme your way to the boys throne?” Loki averted his gaze for a second, giving you your answer. Scoffing, you shake your head in disbelief, beginning to move towards the tatty curtain, giving him your own answer.

Smirking, Loki pushed off of the rickety shelving unit, watching as you shoved the curtain aside, features frowning. “I take that as a ‘we have a deal’?” Loki called after you in amusement, hands moving to clasp behind his back. He swore he heard you mutter a ‘asshole’ under your breath as you disappeared from view, and it only made his smirk widen. After a second, he followed you out, heading back into the din of his followers, seeing them all watching you stride confidently away, unfazed by their eyes all watching you. Loki’s gaze flickered over his group, a scowl forming on his face.

“Let them go.” He ordered lowly, sending one last warning glance before turning on his heel and venturing further into the hideout, away from prying eyes. As soon as he disappeared, a few members of the group shared glances with one another, seemingly skeptical of their leaders decision to let you walk free… Only adding to their suspicions that, perhaps, their leader wasn’t as ruthless as he made them believe.

Loki lounged on his makeshift throne, his mind elsewhere as his variants chatted amongst themselves. He really did grow tired of his own company. It was the same routine over and over - bickering, fights, backstabbing… Maybe his brother had a point to be irritated by his antics. He was disrupted from his thoughts by three of his followers rushing into the hideout, the three he had sent to do a perimeter check. Loki straightened in his throne, eyes narrowing. Something was wrong.

“My Liege-“ One of them began, a little breathless. “We spotted a group of Cassandra’s ruffians.” They informed him, making Loki’s grip on the arms of his seat tighten, irritation flaring. How dare they trespass on his land? But what another one of them said next, only heightened his attention.

“The mortal was there.”

Loki didn’t need a name, he knew exactly who they were referring to… And much to his own surprise, his blood ran cold. You were capable, yes, you had survived this long in the void… But Cassandra’s lot… They were a whole other level of savage.

Loki pushed himself to his feet, the variants that were sat instantly following suit, awaiting orders. He took a sharp breath, trying to remain calm despite the tug of concern that nagged at him in his chest, still clinging to that composure and strength he knew his followers needed to see from him.

“Gather your weapons and secure the perimeter.” Loki ordered, his voice steady and commanding. “Ensure they do not find our hideout.” Loki stepped down the few steps, his shoes clicking on the stone floor as his followers did as he commanded, adjusting the cuff of his suit jacket - a habit he had when he was on edge or anxious. “If any of those savages get close, you strike.”

As his variants moved about the hideout, Loki strode towards the three who had brought the news, a determined look in his eye. Stopping before one of them, he leaned in, eyes boring into theirs. “Where was the mortal?” He asked lowly, his tone holding no room for arguments or questions. The female variant raised her chin slightly, glancing at the other two before meeting his gaze again.

Leaving his variants to secure their hideout, Loki traipsed through the wasteland of the void, determination sharpening his features. Why did he care? Why was he so determined to ensure you were unharmed? He let out a sound of frustration, irritated at his own mind for stirring such thoughts. Caring was a weakness, especially in a place like this, in his position. Yet, something about you stirred memories of a simpler time. A time before everything went… to shit. Memories of connection… Connection to his mother, his brother… His father. Everything in Loki’s life had been complicated, at least to him, but something about you was… simple. And even that managed to stir such complex emotions he hadn’t felt in… centuries.

“Useless.” Loki muttered under his breath, shaking his head faintly. “Mortals. Weak and feeble.” He tried to remind himself, yet his eyes continued to scan the land around him for any sign of you. Maybe letting you go to the chaos of the void would be a kindness… Even as that thought went through his mind, his heart - something rather dusty - tugged in discontent.

He couldn’t.

Movement caught the corner of his eye, his head snapping towards it as he prepared to summon his seidr, to protect his territory from the enemy. But his posture relaxed as he recognised the figure.

You.

And you were wounded.

His feet moved quicker than his head as he strode towards you, his brows creased. As he neared, he saw your hand clutching your side, seeing the scrapes and cuts on your face. You had survived. That familiar flicker of respect appeared in his chest at that fact.

“You’re resilient.” Loki called steadily. “I’ll give you that.” Your gaze lifted, eyes meeting his when he stopped a few feet away. You watched as his gaze drifted over you, clearly assessing your current state. You were hunched faintly, clearly in pain, and Loki mentally cursed himself before he drew closer, stopping right next to you. “Why do you insist on wandering alone?” He sighed, shaking his head.

“Why do you?” You quipped back, voice strained. Loki let out a sharp breath, pursing his lips. Of course, the answer was peace. A bit of solace from the chaos you both found yourselves surrounded by - Loki variants. Clicking his tongue, Loki’s slender fingers reached towards your hand at your side, prying it away so he could take a better look. His jaw tensed as he took in the damage, feeling a wave of anger at Cassandra’s savages for harming you.

“You’re losing blood.” He stated lowly, making you scoff. Loki sent a warning glare, but you missed it, busy trying to remain on your feet. “Come.” His hand fell from yours, allowing you to once again grip your side as he began to head in the opposite direction to his hideout. Your brows furrowed in confusion. Where was he going? “Hurry up.” Loki snapped. “Unless you truly do have a death wish.”

With a sigh, you began to follow, Loki making no move to slow down. Perhaps this was it. Perhaps he was going to lure you away, out of sight and finally finish you off. You stumbled slightly, wincing at the jolting action of your body, making Loki halt and whip round to look back at you. He saw the way your face scrunched in pain, noticing the exhaustion in your breaths. With a deep breath of his own, he headed back towards you.

Without saying a word, he moved to your side, an arm wrapping around your shoulders before he bent his knees, his other arm slipping behind your knees. You barely had time to register what was happening as he lifted you easily, holding you in his arms. Your eyes widened faintly, looking up at his face. He refused to meet your eyes, keeping his own ahead.

“Do try not to bleed on my suit.” He muttered lowly, continuing to walk once again.

This was a strange way to lead someone to their death…

Loki kicked open the rickety shack’s door, the wood creaking as he did so, stirring you from your half lulled state. He hadn’t taken you far, but it was definitely not his hideout you were at. Lifting your head from his shoulder, he walked you both inside, heading towards a tatty cot in the corner of the room as he set you down - a lot gentler than you had expected. Your brows furrowed, watching him as he straightened, still not meeting your gaze. He turned away from you, striding gracefully towards the other side of the room, giving you a chance to take in your new surroundings.

It was dimly lit, a shattered window being the only light source, dusty books were littered on the rickety furnishings along with a few odd trinkets and such. It was only when you noticed the familiar splash of emerald green of a blanket at the end of the cot that you realised…

This was his space. His own personal hideout… Away from prying eyes.

“Yes.” Loki finally spoke, breaking the silence. “This is my… personal haven.” He added wryly over his shoulder, finally turning to look at you. When your eyes finally landed on him again, you noticed the lack of his signature horns that usually sat upon his head, now set aside on the old, small writing desk. Without it, he looked less… sharp. His features weren’t accentuated by the shadows from his horns, now looking much softer. In his hands were medical supplies, bandages and gauze.

He was… offering help?

“Don’t look so surprised.” Loki quipped, a hint of a smirk playing at his lips. “Even I need a break from myself from time to time.” He mused, raising a brow. Purposefully, he approached, his shoes making the wood beneath his feet creak with each step, before he placed the supplies on the cot beside you, elegantly lowering himself to kneel on one knee before you. You had yet to say a word, still taking in the situation you found yourself in.

“No one else knows about this place.” Loki continued, his voice calm. “And I’d like to keep it that way.” His eyes held yours for a moment, searching yours - it was almost a silent plea. Reaching for the gauze, he gestured for you to lift your leathers slightly, a hint of tentativeness in the request. He wasn’t used to patching up others. This was… new for him. Shifting on the cot, you twisted yourself slightly so he could access your side easier, your bloodied fingers slowly peeling the leather up, revealing the stab wound you have received. Thankfully, you had managed to angle yourself defensively during the scuffle, making the attacker miss anything vital, but leaving a rather nasty gash. Loki’s azure eyes flickered to the wound, his jaw tensing again, and you swore you saw a flicker of anger go through his gaze.

“It could be worse.” He uttered through gritted teeth, moving to carefully press the gauze against your wound, making you hiss, body tensing. Loki felt a flair of regret, but he knew it was necessary. “Bear in mind… I’m not a healer.” He murmured. Being this close to Loki, you could see every detail of his face - the faint scars, the flecks of green in his eyes, the lines around his brows and mouth. He looked… human. It was as if Loki could sense you staring, his eyes snapping up from his hands to meet yours. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s rude to stare?”

“Sorry.” You found yourself muttering, finally speaking again, averting your gaze quickly. Loki’s lips tugged upwards briefly, eyes dropping back to his hands. After a few moments of silence, he spoke again.

“I didn’t say stop.”

You couldn’t help but let out a huff of amusement, which shifted into a wince. “Asshole.” You shook your head, missing the way Loki’s smirk widened into a quick grin. Within these walls, Loki could let his guard down - if only a little. This was his safe space, a place where he could hang up the role of fierce leader and trickster, just for a short while.

Gently, he pulled away the gauze, the material having soaked up some of the blood so he could see the wound clearer. “You’ll live.” He told you quietly, discarding the bloodied gauze to reach for another. “For now.” With a quiet sigh, he once again pressed the new gauze against your side.

“That sounds like a threat.” You murmured wryly, glancing at him. Loki met your gaze, letting your words hang in the air for a moment. It felt like there was a shift between you both, the underlying tension that had always been present bubbling to the surface. Ever so slightly, your breath hitched, suddenly feeling nervous - but not in the usual way the void elicited.

“No.” The word came from Loki’s lips, barely above a whisper, his head ever so faintly shaking. A pause. “It’s a promise.”

The statement was spoken with a softness that you hadn’t seen from Loki before, a level of acceptance. Loki was complicated, yet in these moments he felt… simple. No matter how reluctant he tried to appear, or how aloof and cold… Beneath it all, he did care… In his own way. And it showed, in his own way too. It wasn’t an outright confession, but it was as close as you would get… That he did have a reason for keeping you alive, for not harming you, for not wanting harm to befall you…

Finally, Loki tore his gaze away, feeling the weight of the moment in his chest. It became a little too much, a little too intense. But… it didn’t feel wrong. Delicately, he once again removed the gauze, reaching for a new one so he could finally wrap your wound.

“When you get back to your group, it will need properly cleaning.” Loki cleared his throat, voice clear once more. “And try to avoid any more sharp objects.” He added wryly, raising a brow and giving a pointed look. “It would be… a shame if my rival were to perish from such a boring form of death.” And just like that, your usual dynamic clicked back into place, making your lips curl into a faint smirk.

“I shall aim for something more adventurous next time.” You quipped, a softer edge to your voice.

The good kind.

He was definitely the good kind.

[royboyfanpage]

https://www.tumblr.com/big-gay-apocalypse/732547558666289152?source=share

how do these pannels make you feel. they make me feel sad

Hi anon!

For context these are the panels Anon sent me-

For starters, it's totally understandable that these panels make you feel sad! That's clearly what they were written to do.

However.

I can't take it seriously because it's RUDY WEST. Rudy West is not comparable to Oliver Queen! Rudy West is absolutely not a better father than Ollie!

I mean, aside from the fact that it's pretty hard to be a worse father than Rudy West and Roy would absolutely not be "a better person" if he was raised by the Wests, like. Ollie and Roy didn't have that much of a bad relationship when Roy was a teenager. Obviously Snowbirds happened and that changed their dynamic and created a whole lot of tension they had to work through, but this is clearly pre-Snowbirds, and since Ollie still has money+Queen Industries it's also presumably pre-Hard Traveling Heroes, which is where the idea of Ollie not being around stems from. Was there conflict? Sure! But not to the extent that the Teen Titans would be blaming Ollie for how Roy is (actually, the "its not his fault the way he was raised" angle is more accurate for Dick than Roy, but I'm not gonna get into that). And I am doing a lot of explaining and defending for a man who's competition is Rudy West.

Fundamental misunderstanding of Ollie and reducing him to "Batman with arrows" my beloathed.

Also another big issue is the fact that Roy's meant to be some spoilt rich brat, which doesn't really make sense?? I mean, Roy grew up on a reservation, and at this point he's living with Ollie who, based on this panel, is implied to still be at least kinda socialist in this timeline. He's not gonna be some disconnected nepo-baby who shames Wally for his parents' financial status, even at his most insecure, which I guess is the angle they're taking here.

And also why is Garth the one defending Roy? Garth doesn't care about Roy at best at this point, and actively dislikes him at worst. Especially considering Roy's treatment of Garth is arguably worse in this than in the original Teen Titans run. Idk, it feels like it's trying to make Garth into the quiet emotionally mature kid in this scenario, which i don't feel is very accurate to who Garth actually is (I'll admit I'm only recently getting into Aqua comics so I don't have a complete grasp of Garth's character, but I get the impression that he's definitely not as much of a pushover as this comic presented him as- in the original Teen Titans run he was bantering as much as the others were, and he did have moments where he'd get aggressive, such as when the Titans refuse to help him because of their 'vow')

I'm not gonna say I hate this comic. There are some parts of it I really love, like

These panels are cute as fuck and I adore them. I think that the comic really works as its own story outside of the main Teen Titans continuity, with its own interpretations of the characters and their stories. But if you try and apply it to the original Teen Titans series, it does get kinda messy.

So yeah, in conclusion, the panels are sad if you look at them within the story, but I just can't take it seriously in a broader scope because y'know. Rudy West. I'm not even that big of a Flash fan and I still know Rudy West is the worst guy.

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

Hey I just wanted to ask you, what do you think of the fact that in ToA the fact that Apollo bullied Harpocrates was basically made up and has no basis in myths? I'm kinda conflicted, because I can get behind holding the deities accountable for the stuff they have done, but that one think was made up.

Hellooo <3

I have seen this as a common complaint about ToA. And yes, I see the view - it has no basis in the actual myths, and therefore shouldn't reflect on what actual mythological Apollo has done.

Buckle up. I've got some thoughts to share here.

There are a couple things to consider here:

The Camp Half-Blood Chronicles are not meant to be 100% accurate to the myths. Nor did Rick really intend to do so when he first created the series - after all, PJO started out as Haley's new bedtime story, and to give him a character he could relate to. That was the main goal of Rick's.

Does Rick do his best to stay true to the myths? I do think so. Sure, he trips up at times (details of the myths [ie, Midas was not the judge of the Apollo V Pan contest], characterizations of the gods [ie, Aphrodite & Ares), ect.) but all in all he does do his best to give us a well-rounded story that has Greek Mythology as its influence.

Because also remember - PJO started out as a story about the demigods, not the gods. If the gods had originally been Rick's focus instead, I think we would have a bit of a different tale.

So a bit of creative liberty can be taken here, especially since Rick basically decided 'all myths are true!' with his Kane Chronicles and Magnus Chase books - it makes sense, from a storytelling perspective, that (ToA) Apollo would have crossed paths with Harpocrates at some point.

With all honesty, the CHB Chronicles shouldn't even be taken as fact about the myths - about the gods. Because no mythological series is ever 100% accurate, and to assume they are is disrespectful to the culture these myths come from.

And continuing with the storytelling perspective...honestly I think it was a pretty interesting choice on Rick's end. It's not myth-accurate, but I think it does add more to the story Rick is telling us.

He's not using these gods to make them look bad, after all. He's using them to tell a story. To give us a message.

And ToA's mainly centers around abuse.

Zeus isn't an abuser in mythology, but Rick made him one in his books to show us how abuse works. How it can be difficult to accept that you have been abused.

How hard it can be to acknowledge the fact that you have caused pain yourself.

Because while it seems like Harpocrates would cause Apollo's whole character to take a bit of a dive (after all, nobody likes a bully, right? Who would!), I...disagree.

I think Harpocrates deepens Apollo's character.

Stick with me.

I have been bullied in school. Fourth grade and seventh grade in particular were Dreadful for me and in seventh grade I would come home in tears about 95% of the time. I would even skip track practice because I was so emotionally unbalanced from the day I just couldn't take another minute.

There was something that my parents, grandparents, the parish deacon, ect all told me. There is probably a reason why bullies picked on me;

They were jealous.

There was something wrong with them; or, connecting to this point;

They were hurting.

They were hurting.

Anybody else's brains go "Bingo!"?

Because think about it. By the time Harpocrates comes around, Apollo's already spent a lot of time under Zeus's thumb - under his abuse.

And personally, I don't think Zeus likes the other pantheons. And I bet he really doesn't like it when pantheons...mix.

Which is something Harpocrates is. A mix between his original Egyptian self, and what Ptolemy made him to be.

So imagine this: You are Apollo. You have been dealing with your father's abuse for centuries. You are hurting - physically, emotionally, and mentally. You come across this god who's a mix between Egypt and Greece. He is the opposite of you - silence where you are sound.

Wouldn't he be the perfect target to lash out at, without repercussions? After all...I doubt Zeus would care if Apollo was kicking around a mixed deity. Perhaps...he would even encourage it...

But I hear you - "But Apollo barely remembers Harpocrates!" And yes, he does barely remember him and it takes him a bit to acknowledge the fact that he did bully him.

So here's the kicker; I think Apollo lashed out at Harpocrates only a few times. He tried to transfer the pain he felt onto another, on the hope it would make him feel better.

But it didn't. Nothing made him feel better about himself.

And what's something we know about Apollo?

It's how much guilt he keeps bottled up. And I bet that after a few times, Apollo just...stopped going after Harpocrates. I think Apollo started feeling guilty about it, but quickly stamped it down and tried to forget about such feelings by forgetting about Harpocrates.

What you don't know can't hurt you, after all, right?

[sammy8d257]

Did you know that in a recent video Alan made with DJ he confirmed that TSC, Green, Yellow, Red and Blue are around the ages of 10 to 12 years old. He also said that they are just really smart children. I really like that they just young kids, makes their mannerisms and child like behavior make more sense.

Hmmm... okay, I want to preface with saying that I'm happy you find joy in headcanoning the Color Gang to be 10 to 12 year olds. I'm glad you like thinking they're kids.

BUT

I've seen a lot of people use that clip of Alan saying they're 10 to 12 year old kids as canon. And like, frankly, I don't see how it can be.

(Goddamn, this is long as hell. Click on the "Keep Reading" if you want to see my entire rant but

TLDR;

It's fine if you see the Color Gang as kids in the range of 10 - 12, more power to you, but I don't see it as canon because it doesn't make sense to me and I personally can't relate to them. So I see them as young adults. )

First off, I honestly don't trust anything Alan has to say when it comes to what is or is not canon to the videos because Alan has said via his Members discord that there isn't any concrete "lore" for the characters and the world aside from a paragraph of personality traits for the Color Gang. While I myself, am not in the Discord, I have a friend who sometimes talks about stuff in there with me. A lot of the things story and lore things he and the team make up as they go. He will just say stuff without really considering previously establish canon.

(Trust me, I know. I've spent so much brainpower trying to connect the stick figure world together in a cohesive manner, its not even funny anymore aldkglsjsgs /lh)

No knock to Alan and his Team though. I understand that AvA/M is an on-going series with SO MANY videos to keep track of. It'd be hard to keep everything inline with lore if you don't have a dedicated keeper of it. But that's the reason why I take anything Alan says outside of the animations themselves, with a grain of salt.

SECONDLY,

Let's break down this "canon" scene shall we?

Actually, lets start a little bit before the scene, so everyone can get some context:

( https://youtu.be/Oz5mDcDK9I4?t=4668 )

The scene is Purple going off with King, to which DJ says:

DJ, voicing over King: Come on son, let's go

DJ, voicing over Purple: Bye guys! I'm gonna go hangout with my adopted dad. I'm 32.

[Alan and DJ laugh]

Alan: Maybe he is.

DJ: That'd be so weird if you find out all the characters are like in their 30s. [more laughs]

Alan: Yeah even though the internet hasn't been around that long.

DJ: Yeah, that's true. How old are they, like since their creation, I guess?

Alan: Huh, good question. ... 14?

DJ: 15? No...

Alan: Probably like 10, 12, 13,

DJ: Yeah, yeah. Which is cool because I feel like they act around then

[Alan laughs]

Alan: Yeah, they're just very smart children.

[END SCENE]

Just reading this, it looks like Alan confirmed that they're 10-13 year olds right?

Yeah if you ONLY look at this and not take into account the joking and non-serious tone both Alan and DJ had throughout this entire conversation. They like joking around and saying things. That's kinda their whole thing during their reacts. Alan is a more dead-pan but he was definitely making a lighthearted joke or comment playing off of the statement of them being 10.

Actually, lets go look at the question leading up to this.

"How old are they, like since their CREATION, I guess?"

Since their creation. AvA 4 is the video where Second and RYGB were first introduced and can serve as their creation date (assuming we're not taking about lore because while AvA 4 is Second's creation date, I'd argue the Stick Fighters were created prior and would in fact be older). AvA 4 premiered in 2014

Which is almost 10 years ago.

There is a high likelihood that both Alan and DJ were using the upload date of AvA 4 as the Color Gang's "creation date".

And if you want to headcanon a stick figure's age is how many years since their creation date, then more power to you.

To me that makes no sense because then that'd mean King is 2 years old. (AvM Parkour released April, 2021) Which is insane. alskdjglsjglsgd

I much prefer the idea that stick figures are created with an age in mind (baring the born stick figures like Purple).

And yeah, maybe Alan "intended" to make the Color Gang 10-13 year olds, but as I stated above, with how joking Alan and DJ were while discussing it plus Alan's whole thing about making things up as they go, I don't really believe it.

ALSO

Not to get too personal, but I just want to address something that's been bothering me with this whole thing.

The idea that because the Color Gang act childish = being children.

Because the sticks are heavily neurodivergent-coded

And as someone who is also neurodivergent, can act childish, see aspects of themself in these sticks, and is an ADULT.

Saying that people who act like this are children??

FUCKING SUCKS

Now I know, DJ, Alan, and probably even yourself Anon, don't mean any harm when you say the sticks act like children so they must be children.

But there is a LONG history of neurodivergent people getting infantilized because they display more "childish" behaviors like stimming or hyperfixating on specific topics.

So for at least me, someone who headcanons the Stick Figures as young adults, this who "age discourse" feels icky to me.

Plus, I personally can't relate to kids because I myself, am an adult. It's easier for me to relate to characters around my age range.

Listen, this rant is getting too long but here's the long and the short of it

There is nothing wrong with headcanoning the sticks as kids if that's what you want to believe that it's canon,

But it just ain't for me.

[flamedraco]

OCs in Fandom

This is something I've been thinking about more but why is the DSMP and MCYT fandoms specifically more OC repulsed than other fandoms?

Like this is a very strange trend I've noticed where when I introduce an unnamed, unimportant character meant to fill a role (usually to die or get droned in Aurelia's case) why does everyone ask "oh who was that btw?" or "ooo I wonder who this character was! You said she was a woman so she has to be one of these select few characters from the series!" Like. No? No that's not how that works.

In every other fandom I've been in I see art and stories surrounding the OCs that people make. Original Characters with their own powers and abilities, their own relationships to the canon characters. OCs made to fill roles in stories that other characters in canon simply cannot fill because they already have a role in the story somewhere else or because it wouldn't make sense.

This is a behavior that is present in a lot of fandoms. Especially in places like BNHA (the fandom I was in before DSMP). But for some reason not here? And I find that weird.

I'm not judging anyone for this btw I just find it strange because us viewers are CANON to a lot of MCYT mediums. My friend @emi-writings pointed out that the viewers are CANON to the DSMP. We were the ones who voted in the L'manburg election. We are The Voices in Techno's head. We're Phil's flock of crows.

And when you think about it we're canon to other MCYT mediums too. Any time "chat" is brought up in lore, that's us. Any time our suggestions make it into our favorite series and becomes part of the lore? That's us. We're here. We're existing. We're canon.

So why aren't there more OCs? I'd expect a lot more of them seeing how we are quite literally canon.

And yeah, there are a lot of characters to pull from in these mediums so maybe the need for OCs to fill plot points in our fics aren't as needed. But sometimes they are? And I find it so strange that they're kinda frowned upon or not normalized because you go to any other fandom and sometimes you can't tell an OC apart from an actual character in the lore!

In YWNTMBAH, for example, I wanted to give the readers more insight into Quackity's backstory in the AU. And so I decided I wanted to introduce a small handful of OCs as his family because I couldn't lean into the generally accepted family (head?)canon of Sam being his father because Sam already had a role in the fic. And I had already established that Quackity got his shrike wing power from his mother and there's not 'mother' character in that specific family canon. So what am I to do? Make OCs.

Right now I'm considering making a Minecraft Diaries AU as my next major multichapter fic. But Diaries has so many characters with very specific roles that half the cast of the DSMP is pretty much useless to me because they don't fit into these roles I need. Obviously a Diaries AU wouldn't be one to one because the characters are different with different personalities and temperaments, it's a completely different setting I'm throwing the DSMP characters into. But I also don't want to use certain characters unless I absolutely have to especially when the DSMP cast is so large I don't even know the lore and personalities of half the characters. And hell, some of the people whitelisted on the DSMP never even participated in lore or were just there and didn't really roleplay so I wouldn't use them to begin with. The answer here is to use OCs. In any other fandom everyone would tell you to just make some OCs to fill the roles you need or use the characters that were already present in Diaries (which isn't something I'd want to do because I want to create an AU not a crossover).

But for some reason in this fandom that's just...not a thing? Or at least that isn't a thing most people would recommend or do because I rarely see it. And readers will look at some unnamed, undescribed character, and assume I intended for it be someone in the DSMP cast. Had a specific character in mind for it.

And...no. No I didn't. That's just some dude that Wilbur killed. That's just some random ass hero Quackity plucked out of the cell to experiment on. That's just a character meant to fill out the world and make it feel more alive.

I guess the point of this really is just...make OCs more normalized in this fandom? Like it's not everyone's thing obviously and you don't have to if you don't want to. If someone in the DSMP cast fits the role you need then hey, less work for you as the writer, right?

And I'm not saying that this is a huge problem or anything because it's not. There are other people that do use OCs as writing tools or hell, collectively accepted OCs that the comment section of a fic will adopt because the concept of there being this one specific dude everyone bullies is funny. I remember a fic being inspired by YWNMTBAH and it was a story about someone's OC that they made and I thought it was cool as hell that my fic inspired someone to make an OC!

But I just think everyone should be more aware that it's okay and normal to make OCs in fandom. Hell, my take on Wilbur, Sally, and Sapnap are all pretty much OCs at this point. I made the Fridge an actual character with the help of Em. Me and Double added OCs in Arsonist's Waltz to fill out the DSMP Pantheon more because it wasn't explored enough in canon.

I think we should have more OCs. I think it should be normalized. I think the general expectation shouldn't be that every last character mentioned in the story is someone in canon. OCs are a really useful fanfiction writing tool and they aren't even hard to make really! You don't even have to name some of them! I never gave Q's parents in YWNTMBAH names, just descriptions! Half of Wilbur and Quackity's drones in Aurelia are unnamed OC characters they just yoinked off the streets!

OCs are things you can pour a lot of time into, give backstories, give cool concepts. But they can also just be easy writing tools when you need to kill something off but don't want to use one of your more major characters. They can just be there, chilling, making your world more alive and more full.

Because not every viable character in the canon cast can be used for the roles you need.

[yuikomorii]

I know you’ve mentioned how Karlheinz seems to favor Ayato as the candidate for Adam (as seen through his actions/words in YB and DF) and I honestly feel like this is further evidence that Ayato is the most “upright” of his brothers. In Ayato’s MB Ecstasy Epilogue, Karlheinz mentions that vampires are attracted to evil and need to be set on the right path; then again in DF he says a main motive of the Adam and Eve plan was to create a vampire with human sentiments, as the loss of emotion in vampires made them inferior to humans in that sense. In my opinion the reason he seems to favor Ayato is because he’s the one most capable of expressing selfless sentiments, progressing as a person, being “pure-hearted” (as I know Rejet has described him as before), and just overall being compassionate, and these traits fit perfectly into the motives for the Adam and Eve plan mentioned above. Idk if this exact topic has been addressed before (and I’m just beating a dead horse lol), but I just thought your opinions were interesting and wanted to share my own thoughts! Also I love your commentary and analysis on the series/characters, it’s always super fun to read! <3

// Aww, I’m glad you enjoy them! I guess it’s been a while but I’m glad that Anon sent me something that made me return to analysing. 💕

I agree on your take, although I feel like that’s already canon at this point, haha. Ayato has always been highlighted as the most human-like one, even Japanese fans talked about that, but the only reason why some Westerners might disagree is because they know nothing about Ayato to begin with and only judge him based on HDB and MB. While it’s true that he was kinda crazy there, YB revealed that his possessiveness, obsession and blood thirst were due to the curse not trauma. For this reason, comparing Ayato to his brothers in HDB or MB is not fair at all, considering that these are two different situations. His brothers only started getting severe blood thirst symptoms in MB when they were awakening, while Ayato had to deal with those most of his life and even entered in a coma. Ruki's MB route also shows that Ayato is still cursed there and that his brothers noticed how he started going insane exactly after Yui was abducted to the point where they decided to lock him in the dungeon because he couldn't function without her blood anymore.

And speaking of the curse, I think many people don't treat it seriously enough. Imagine being physically and mentally tortured but still attempting to help and sacrifice yourself for others when your kindness is being abused in the worst way conceivable. That fig literally sucked the life out of him and he had to slowly watch himself fall into madness without being able to control it.

Nevertheless, Ayato is still able to be forgiving and compassionate towards those who have wronged him with or without dating Yui. He can be driven by some factors to do bad things, but his purity cannot be taken away; even Cordelia stated that there is something different about him and she’s not the type to say such stuff out of the blue. That’s why his routes are considered the ideal outcome of the story, they make the most sense and Ayato getting the happy ending with Yui is the most satisfying. I mean, every Diaboy deserves a happy ending but in all honesty, I wouldn't want the people whose words and actions have caused my life to be destroyed to find love before me either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[bigskydreaming]

So, been awhile! Apologies for that - took a step back from most social media sites for a few months because the accumulated stresses and everpresent urgency to most things I've been dealing with for the past five plus years finally caught up with me and I kinda just....crashed, and needed some time to get my head on straight. Or whatever the non-obvious-pun version of that might be for a Known Bisexual. Everything was getting to be too constantly 'stop and go' for me, if that makes sense.....like I'd TRY to be more present on here, TRY to work on things like my patreon and fic and meta and stuff like that because I've really wanted to get back to creating actual stuff that people enjoy instead of being like My Issues: The Latest Installment and the like, but then something else would crop up and kill my momentum before it even really got going and I'd have to duck away yet again, and rinse and repeat.

HENCE! I took a more dedicated, extended leave to try and get into a headspace and build a buffer that better lends itself to me getting back to the kinds of posting/writing conditions I've thrived under in the past. It took longer than I thought, but I've never been good at accurately estimating things lol. I've still been on twitter somewhat sporadically, since a huge part of why I hate that site is its format makes it all but impossible to really get to ranting at length...y'know, as I do, my tried and true time-suck method of procrastinating...and with everything going on in the world these days I didn't want to disconnect entirely even though I did need time to work through some shit. BUT I DIGRESS.

Point is, felt like I needed something more substantial than the optimistic-but-lacking-in-actual-energy-and-planning measures I've attempted in the past couple years in order to get on top of things and achieve a measure of consistency and stability again. Less shooting for the moon because I just WANT to be back to my older, happier/more content patterns, more....putting some actual time and thought into how I can realistically make that happen instead of just trying to will it into existence through sheer stubbornness. Because obviously, THAT always works.

ANYWAY. It'll still be a couple days before I get back to regular posting/reblogging patterns or much of any of that at all.....don't be confused if you see some blink and you miss them temporary posts from me over the next day or two. I'm testing out the formatting and layout of a bunch of posts and graphics made for my patreon and original fiction stuff, since the preview post function doesn't always work with read mores in a post and they're all gonna need that lol. If anyone's up for it, I am finalizing the price/reward tiers of my patreon and could use some thoughts on the different levels - I think I have them mostly figured out but wouldn't mind some additional perspectives on how I broke things down and if I'm missing some alternatives. Just message me directly if you'd like to weigh in or lend me your thoughts!

I've never wanted my tumblr to be all about fic or just original content or anything like that, so the patreon's meant to kinda keep all that separate beyond just generalized update announcements on here. The blog will remain just a regular multi-purpose smorgasboard of my reblogs and thoughts on other posts and meta about my various fandoms and all that jazz. The patreon discord will have spaces having to do with my various fanfics, but they'll never be exclusive to it in any way, and every fic update I make will still be on my blog same as always. I've been building masterlists of all my Dick Grayson meta and all my Teen Wolf meta, as well as headcanons and writing snippets/scenes that never got posted elsewhere because I didn't consider them full fics, and I'm starting a series of posts that lean directly into my tendencies to be an Overly Opinionated Asshole who - historically speaking - has never been, uh, shy, shall we say, about Having Thoughts about various fandom patterns or trends.

So....look out for the upcoming "Kalen Vs Fandoms" post series. What? It sounded catchy to me. First up:

"Fandoms' tendency to pick one character per fandom to have every other character introduce as the dumbest person they've ever met, but no its okay, they're actually really fond of them and universally defaulting to a judgmental or patronizing shot at their intelligence every single time they're the topic of conversation among other characters just naturally happens to be part of every single other character's love language - is this perhaps NOT as endearing or affectionate as fandoms tend to treat it as?" Aka "How many people can actually say they'd be comfortable with the idea of every single person in their family or friend group leading with "I genuinely think they're stupid but I love them anyway" each time they talk about them to someone else, and if you don't think that's a normal conversation starter for people to have about a loved one, why do so many fandoms attempt to treat it as such?"

.....the length of post title should not be taken as an indicator of how long each post is. If people want to draw their own conclusions about post length based solely on the fact that they're, well, by me.....I mean. That's totally your prerogative. Nothing I can do about that!

Post topics will run the gamut, if for no other reason than gamut is an amazing word that doesn't get used enough and I wanted to use it. From "Its totally valid to project onto characters and use fic as a way to work through various issues via that projection but how much does this have to do with how defensively people react to the slighest criticism of character choices in their fics as though personally attacked - discuss" to "Criticizing and condemning the writers of source material for specific things - to rave reviews from followers - only to then do the exact same specific things in your own fics - to rave reviews from followers - while claiming that the mere fact of being a fan not getting paid for writing those specific things somehow makes them less worthy of criticism.....are we all seeing the problem here."

There's a slight chance those titles are perhaps....somewhat unnecessarily asshole-coded, but like, in a whimsical way! I think. Whatever. I'm sure it'll be fine!

Will either rhyme OR reason be involved in the order of post topics? No. Not even a little bit. Next question.

Aside from "Kalen vs Fandoms" I've been putting a lot of thought into what other topics or content I can expound upon at length, to the possible interest of people. I'm good at writing and editing and analyzing narratives. Not claiming to be the best, just not trying to fish for compliments or anything. I think my analysis of narrative and character choices has generally been of interest in most fandoms I've been in, but when I'm IN a fandom, I do personally invest in favorite characters and stories that inevitably put me in opposition to takes from fans of other characters and stories within that fandom, and when that happens, the Horseman of Discourse inevitably follows and I....do the discourse. Look, I am who I am. I see the discourse, I engage with the discourse. Unless I don't care about the topic of discourse, in which case I don't, because that discourse doesn't matter. Obviously.

SO! In the interest of posting about narrative analysis and breakdowns of writing choices, character arcs and the like but WITHOUT engaging in The Discourse, I'll be making an easy-to-find post of fandoms or source material whose characters and narratives I'm familiar enough with TO have opinions or analysises of, but for whatever reason, the fandom has never clicked for me and I've never actually felt a desire to be part of it. Thus I'm not likely to be invested or compelled enough to follow up on anyone disagreeing with my personal thoughts or analysis or various character arcs or narratives, because its literally just like, my opinion man, presented for no other purpose than to potentially be of interest to anyone who might be interested in it. No actual follow up needed on my part because I'm not particularly chuffed if people have different takes, they're totally valid, mine don't exist for the purpose of being defended there, they just exist because Opinions, I Had Them, Here Look. Or Don't. Its Totally Whatever.

Because I don't feel as strongly about these pieces of media as I do fandoms I'm personally invested in, it is trickier to come up with a comprehensive list of ones I can weigh in on. So please feel free to hit up my inbox with any fandoms, narrative or character arcs you're curious about my take on, and I'll let you know if they're fandoms I consider myself a participant in, and thus not really right for this series, or if they're something I'm just not knowledgeable about.....but if they're not an actual fandom of mine and I AM familiar enough with them to have an analytical take or response, I'll add them to the masterlist/post as a potential topic.

This series will be called and tagged "Kalen Vs Writing Choices" (That I Personally Don't Like Or Think Could Be Better). The parenthetical part is there solely to be a disclaimer clarifying that my ego is not so great that I think that My Subjective Take on the writing choices made or not made is the only one that matters. I mean, I don't intend to include the disclaimer as part of the actual tag and will mostly leave it as y'know, like, something IMPLIED, but the disclaimer still exists and thus counts. That's totally how that works.

And that's how I've chosen to awkwardly segue into the final intended-of-three post series.....Dramatically Abrupt Tonal Shift Ahoy!

This next part will get long, but I would truly appreciate it if you gave it a read despite its length and even if - especially if - the next topic isn't one you typically look for my take on, or even avoid my take on, because I don't think I'm likely to ever express my thoughts on this matter any more genuinely or directly than this. Like I'm not trying to guilt anyone or anything like that, its more I'm just trying to say if you ever read ANY single post of mine when it comes to the next topic or pick a post to base your decision on whether or not TO wade into something I have to say on this subject, I would appreciate it if you made that this next part here, as I think it best conveys where I'm coming from when it comes to most any post I make along these lines.

So. The thing is....most people who've followed me long know that in the past I've frequently been extremely vocal on topics of rape, incest and abuse, specifically through the lens of being a male survivor. These absolutely are personal for me. This has led to me having a lot of Overly Opinionated Takes on these topics and how they're talked about, depicted and treated within fandom conversations, fics, and social media spheres and conversations at large. I've also pretty obviously not posted on these topics nearly as much in recent years as I once did - but not because I feel any less strongly about them.

And that's one hundred percent because it's frustrating as hell to see a very good portion of the posts I make about any OTHER topic in my usual fandoms go on to accumulate hundreds of notes....while NONE of my posts on these topics ever break out of my direct circle of mutuals. I don't say it to be egotistical - look how many notes I get on stuff - I say it because its literally objectively factual, and the disparity is dramatic, and the disparity is a PROBLEM. Especially given how much the topics of male rape and abuse - in SPECIFIC - tend to be, within most of my past fandoms.

This disparity has a very clear reason for existing too: people have never been shy about citing that they refrain from reblogging or referencing my posts on these topics because they feel like I act like I'm the only opinion that matters on them, the sole authority to be listened to here, that I use my status as a male rape survivor as a cudgel, to shut down opposing takes or points of view.

Which I would totally be fine with or understand if not for the fact that I've always gone out of my way to express that I don't want or expect my opinions on these matters to be taken as anything other than my personal opinions born of my personal experiences, which I cite because they're relevant. I don't think that survivors should have to disclose their status or personal history or details in order to have their opinion heard on these topics, but I deeply resent how often survivors making the choice TO disclose their personal history or relationship with these topics in order to directly unpack how that informs our perspective....is weaponized AGAINST us, in order to shut down and discredit OUR takes even while literally accusing us of only disclosing in order to do the exact same thing to others.

Something that I've posted about a LOT in the hopes of getting it spread throughout fandoms that regularly talk about male rape is for literal decades I've seen people harp on about how men can be raped too, believe male survivors, don't believe the myth that men can't be raped, etc. Which like, I appreciate the sentiment, but the thing I've tried to express for years is that in my personal experience, and those of a lot of other male survivors I've talked to - this is not really the biggest or even ONE of the biggest issues most male survivors face.

And the fact that for all that there are many survivors in fandom who have made the difficult choice to be open about their traumas and recoveries - which I ALWAYS respect, as that is never easy for any of us - a huge part of why I've always made a point to disclose my own history as a male survivor is because there just flat out aren't a lot of perspectives from MALE survivors in specific, being circulated in pretty much any of the fandom spaces I've ever been in over the past twenty years. I don't even slightly think I'm any more of an expert or authority on topics of rape or abuse - beyond how they pertain to my own personal experiences - than any other survivor. But as long as the topic of MALE rape and abuse in specific, how men are affected by these things, how society reacts to us and treats us in the aftermath....as long as these are the topics explicitly being discussed.....I do think my perspective as a male survivor is pretty fucking relevant, and admittedly, I tend to get pretty heated about pushing BACK against attempts to invalidate it or shout it down as though I somehow have LESS of a stake in or right to be heard in these particular conversations. And I get how this has at times come across as attempting to dominate a given conversation.

But like.....I'm also going to point back up to the part where I said earlier....I'm an Overly Opinionated Asshole. I say it somewhat deprecatingly, for the lulz, but also not. I'm very passionate about conversations and topics I feel strongly about and I don't make apologies for it. And for the most part....this has NEVER stopped people from reblogging or liking posts I make about pretty much any other topic....despite me not really coming across that differently in most of them, compared to how I come across in most of my past posts on topics of rape and abuse.

See....I'm in complete agreement with everyone who emphasizes that rape isn't a gendered issue. That it can and does happen to individuals of any gender or identity. But the reason why I've always found the focus on 'remember that men can be raped too' more performative than helpful is because for almost twenty years, I've been posting on these topics in various fandom spaces and trying to express that in my personal experience, something that REALLY deserves to be talked about more is the fact that rape is not gendered. But rape CULTURE very much IS.

Like it or not, we live in a very gendered society still. While yes, men can be raped too.....for a number of reasons - most of them born of sexism and misogyny in specific - the conditions, catalysts and reasons for men being raped are NOT interchangeable with those at work in instances of women being raped, as an example. Because the way society treats men and women in pretty much EVERY situation is different. Similarly, the way society REACTS to men and women disclosing they've been raped is different. And so on and so on.

So 'remember that men can be raped too' has some basis in societal claims that men can't be raped or that rape IS a gendered issue....but not as much as I think most people tend to believe. And twenty years after I first started searching out perspectives of other male survivors in online fandom spaces, beyond just real world physical support groups, I'm STILL hearing 'remember that men can be raped too' dominating all conversations about male survivors just as regularly and repetitiously as it was twenty years ago....as though the world has not changed at all, and the needle on this particular facet of male survivorhood hasn't changed an inch in the past two decades when no, actually, it very much has.

The reason why I feel so strongly about offering up my perspective as a male survivor in a relative absence of seeing other male survivors' perspectives circulated is I honestly believe the reason this is so consistently upheld as the biggest problem facing male survivors is its a carry-over from women attempting to be heard and believed when disclosing....which makes sense and is completely understandable....as long as there's a complete absence of male survivors offering up any perspective that's to the contrary.

But the fact that we live in a gendered society where rape culture, not rape itself, still very much IS gendered due to being a product of....living in a gendered society....means that the differences in how society treats and reacts to men and women affects every aspect of how society treats and reacts to men and women survivors. And that starts with disclosure itself. In my personal experience - and fully acknowledging that I don't speak for any other male survivor in this moment, and I absolutely do believe there are those who have experiences to the contrary, and that matters too - MY experience, which also matters, is that not once in the twenty years since I've started disclosing about my own rape, or the csa I experienced as a child - have I actually had an issue being believed.

With full acknowledgment of how unfair it is, how gross, the reality of living in a sexist, patriarchal society where male privilege very much exists, is that while men can be raped too, this traumatic thing that happened to us does not in any way actually invalidate or negate our male privilege. It doesn't turn it off for the duration of our experience or any time its relevant to our experiences going forward. We carry that privilege with us through our recoveries and the rest of our lives just as much as we did before it, because its an inalienable result of being in a society that allocates privilege solely on the basis of being born a man who identifies and presents as a cis man (with respect to trans individuals having another axis of experience that very much differentiates all matters pertaining to rape culture, in comparison to cis men, just as much as in the case of cis women, albeit in different ways).

And the gross unfortunate reality of our society is that it ALWAYS prioritizes believing men over women, in all matters......especially cis white men like myself.

So the simple fact is....even the act of disclosure - and the likelihood of being believed when voluntarily choosing to share the information that we've been raped - means that a cis white man like myself does not receive the same reaction as most women receive when attempting to share that same information. Society preconditions a lot of people to be more receptive to taking cis white men at their word, comparative to affording anyone else that basic respect.

Getting people to believe me when I say I was raped has never been the issue for me that other individuals face.

But that doesn't mean that my disclosure doesn't result in issues for me.

Because while being raped never invalidated or negated any of my cis white male privilege, neither did having cis white male privilege negate the possibility of me being raped - OR the fact that society ALSO preconditions people to be really fucking shitty about survivors.

(Hell, ANY kind of living victim....with this also being very relevant to abuse survivors, survivors of physical assault, etc. Much like people can be overflowing with empathy for unborn children who can't offer up any take to the contrary to whatever people want to say "in defense or support of unborn children," only to turn around and cease caring about most of those babies the second they're born, people tend to be just as overflowing with empathy for deceased victims of abuse, rape, assault and the like....who, y'know, also can't offer up any take to the contrary of whatever they say or claim about what they WOULD want, what they DO deserve, etc. Present those same people with a living child or a living victim who can and DOES have an opinion that doesn't match what those people feel it SHOULD be? Watch attitudes shift VERY quickly, as allllll that empathy hurriedly flushes down the drain as though it was never there).

But the point is, my cis white male privilege is always here regardless. But that doesn't mean rape culture isn't shitty enough that it can't find a way to circumvent even that in pursuit of discrediting/invalidating/ignoring survivors, just like that privilege can be circumvented in order to create the situation where a man is raped in the first place.

Its just....the gendered nature of rape culture means HOW those attempts to discredit/invalidate/ignore male survivors manifests.....doesn't look the same as when it leads to just outright disbelieving other survivors when they attempt to disclose.

And that is how I can be listened to and reblogged on most any other topic, no matter HOW I go about presenting myself in those posts or conversations - ironically in no small part BECAUSE of my cis white male privilege - while only getting crickets when I post on these topics, BECAUSE people only choose THOSE posts to make my presentation or level of intensity a dealbreaker, and thus their very reason for ignoring anything I have to say there. Not because they don't believe me, but because the WAY I say it is too aggressive, too biased, too emotional, too intense....its an attack on their autonomy, an attempt to override whatever they previously thought or believed about the subject and just force them to adhere to my take.

Because the thing about living in a sexist, patriarchal society is.....that IS a thing that cis white men often do, and a lot of society is structured to make it easier for us to achieve this in most instances, frankly. This just happens to be a rare exception, because for a lot of reasons that would make this post even longer - and that again, I've often posted about before - upholding and reinforcing rape culture on a society wide level supersedes the usual focus on accommodating INDIVIDUAL cis white men in having their opinions heard and circulated.

I'm trying to be as frank as possible here about the intersection of privilege and experiences of being a male survivor because I don't believe its to anyone's benefit to be disingenuous about it, and I do think that it doesn't actually supplant the fact that male survivors do have just as much right - and NEED - to be heard and listened to about our experiences with rape and perspective there, and have those ACKNOWLEDGED, as anyone else.

Its just....the existence of privilege and how that differentiates most experiences in a gendered society matters, and thus.....it needs to be part of the conversation rather than just treating all responses to rape and survivors as agendered, just because rape itself can and does happen to people of all genders.

There's actually a fair amount to get into when it comes to differences in a lot of mens' disclosures vs womens' in my experience, but just as an extension of what I'm talking about here, one of the specific elements in my experience is that men often don't have a problem being believed about having been raped or abused.....but one of the predominant responses is society is heavily preconditioned to view male rape and abuse survivors as almost inevitably feeling they need to exert a similar power over someone else in order to claim back their own feelings of pride and safety in their masculinity. Effectively.....most every male rape or abuse survivor I've ever talked with at length shares a similar experience of being believed when they disclose about being a survivor....but noting a clear and direct shift in how whomever they disclosed to interacts with them....with EVERY expression of anger or outrage - particularly in the matter of their rape or abuse - being viewed as evidence of us being ticking time bombs who are inevitably primed to explode and take out what happened to us on someone else.

There's being cautious around cis white men, for example, because we're cis white men, which I totally get and am not expressing an opinion on. I'm just saying even with that acknowledged, there is a SHIFT in how people interact with me after I've disclosed to them personally, in how they....scrutinize me, for lack of a better way of putting it, in very noticeable ways and areas. Like its consistent. And think about how its not totally true that media doesn't portray men as being capable of being raped or abused, typically. Think about how often you've seen procedurals where the backstory of the rapist or abuser of the week is specifically THAT they were a rape or abuse survivor themselves, usually in childhood. Its NOT that society doesn't believe or accept that men can be raped too. Its that society is primed to default to viewing the very act of men being raped as an indicator of the shift from them being a man to being a man who is likely to become a predator themselves.

Rape appears all the time in regards to male survivors in media. Its just it usually just appears in the context of men who arent presented AS survivors, but rather as predators or aggressors themselves, and their past victimization treated as a catalyst rather than a trauma. This is not to excuse any such character or depiction of course, its simply to emphasize that the very angle from which male survivorhood is approached in most contexts is different from that of other survivors. Just like the angle from which their survivorhood is approached is different from that of male survivors. And thus the issue most men have with disclosing in my experience is NOT that we're afraid we won't be believed....its that we're afraid once we disclose, we'll be viewed as inherently more dangerous because our victimization primes us to be that much more likely to inflict ourselves on others in some attempt to reclaim our masculinity.

And its categorically NOT about any group of survivors having it better or worse than others, which is why I LOATHE people saying variations of 'you wouldn't say that about this if it happened to a woman' because anyone attempting to pit male survivors against other survivors en masse is NOT doing so for my benefit or with my endorsement. The point is just that each way society and rape culture interacts with a different group of survivors presents different problems and issues that need addressing, and aren't interchangeable.

There is a REASON why the subject of Dick Grayson's anger - usually in the context of things that have happened to him - is so important to me, specifically in terms of ensuring that its treated as something he's allowed to have....rather than an indicator that he's going to messily explode his life in a way that impacts everyone around him negatively.

Now.....if you've never considered that aspect of rape vs rape culture and how it can differently affect and shape the experiences and recovery of cis male survivors versus trans male survivors and nonbinary survivors and survivors who identify as women.....I ask that you consider what else my perspective might be able to add to actually productive, meaningful conversations about rape, rape culture and survivorhood, that you never would have thought TO think about before, without male survivors bringing it up based on it having played a role in personal experiences.

And then I just ask that you please think about the implications of someone known for being a vocal presence in certain fandoms, with a fairly sizable number of posts widely circulating throughout them......never having posts about male rape and survivorhood circulated to any noticeable degree, despite writing DOZENS of them, in all kinds of different moods, ways and intensity levels.....and all of them while active in fandoms where male rape is regularly discussed or focused on due to certain characters or storylines......and ask yourselves if it maybe seems a little off for the disparity to be THAT large. Again: I have written DOZENS of posts on this topic. All with less than twenty notes. I'll be composing a masterlist of them in the near future as well, but for now I'm just saying. Please just think about that.

While I'm going to make an effort to be more deliberate in how I approach this topic in posts going forward, tonally and in terms of word choice, I do have a right to be just as passionate about it as any other topic, and it is FUCKED UP to think that my personal experiences here should be pointed to as the very REASON I should need to be LESS passionate than I am anywhere else, in order to be heard or listened to. Still. I am not actually trying to override anyone else's viewpoint, present myself as some kind of ultimate authority, or shut down other survivors in any way....I'm just trying to uphold the relevancy and importance of adding my own perspective to the conversation.

I don't want to be the only voice listened to here. But as long as my voice is relevant, and I don't see or hear a lot of other voices speaking from a similar standpoint, I would like to be a RESOURCE on topics of male survivorhood, rape and recovery, from that particular standpoint. And even if and when other male survivors might perchance add their own perspectives with experiences and takes contrary to mine....I welcome that! Because mine is not the only one, cis white male survivors are no more a monolith than anyone else, and none of that will in any way actually invalidate my own perspective or experiences or render them no longer relevant at all.

Being a resource on a topic that has always been everpresent in most fandoms I've gravitated to - which has often been a reason FOR me gravitating to those fandoms in specific.....that has always been my ONLY goal with these kinds of posts. NOT an authority.

So, having my posts - which for all my willingness to write them, has never been easy for me and probably never will - reframed in such a negative way, dismissed and even weaponized against me - has over the years demoralized me and made it harder to find the energy TO tackle these topics, as much as I'd like to. But I do feel that I've found a second wind when it comes to this and think I'm ready to wade back into being Overly Opinionated on these topics as well.

So that's the third of the three post series I'll be starting, "Kalen vs Topics of Rape, Rape Culture and Survivorhood As Perceived Through A Singular Personalized Cis White Male Lens, Presented By (and With) My Middle Finger At Any Attempts to Subvert Or Undermine My Thoughts On Them By Reframing Them As Me Trying To Gatekeep Male Survivorhood No Matter How Many Times I Use The Words IN MY EXPERIENCE or IN MY OPINION, Which I Do A Lot, Because This Has Been Happening For A Very Long Time, And I Am Tired, But Still Very Opinionated, And Still Very Here, So Bite Me I Guess."

.....I'm still workshopping that one's title. Its a process.

ANYWAY. At the moment, I'm aiming to make one post of each once a month, and if I do more than that great, but not trying to pressure myself to do any more than that at the moment in the interests of Realism. We'll play it by ear. If I have more free time or energy than expected, maybe I'll do more. Its not like I have a shortage of Very Opinionated Opinions, after all. You've met me.

BUT I DIGRESS.

So in the interest of not making this long ass post any fucking longer, not that anyone really expected otherwise from my first post back in months, like could I REALLY even claim to ACTUALLY be back if all I had to show for it was some weak little lackluster drabble that wasn't even 3,000 words? Methinks the fuck not -

Well, have an abrupt and anticlimactic finish that comes out of nowhere despite giving myself literally 4,900 words to build to something appropriately profound or meaningful or whatthefuckever. Y'know. Your standard Kalen Classic. The abrupt and anticlimactic wrap up I mean, not the profound and deeply meaningful one. Eh. You get it.

Did ya miss me? I missed you!

PS - I was Informed that we are almost to the end of Tommy T's Tenure, is it almost safe to come back to Nightwing comics? Does anyone know when his last issue is? Have we planned the party yet? Who's on balloons, we definitely need balloons.

[dreamerdaria]

Bridgerton season 3

All right, I loved the season so far, but that's my take, what could be improved with storyline (there were lots of bad writting choices as well as good one, but I want to outline my thoughts). So, I'll try to sum up, what could be written or added, that could make narration style more elegant and truthful to the viewers. Free to disagree. Sorry for the mistakes in advance. English is not my first language.

Colin's character arc. A lot of the things we got was told through the dialogue or was subtle, but not in between. I had a feeling that they haven't developed him enough to really show his inner conflict. Sometimes he was a side-character in his own show(part 2 did him bad), while the thing he should be the main one, because it shows his dynamic with Penelope/Lady Whistledown and key to understand their dynamic as a couple and his character arc. Other leading male characters had that physiological touch/depth to their character, while Colin somehow didn't. What we needed: flashback to his travels and small plot about loosing himself there or maybe gaining false confidence(could be done with him alone reading the lines of his letters), study of the middle-child complex(scenes with small Colin and Antony, who was the father figure for him, or brother dynamics with parents that could outline his people pleaser arc), more journaling, including the scene we got, but also about his writting challangies, more details about his likes and dislikes as a writer(favourite authors, could be the scene with Benny, because writting and art is quiet close). Maybe, not him tellling of his jealousy, but again creating scene that show views that he feels inferior. All other thing they did alright, I guess.

Penelope's character arc. I guess I kinda like a lot of things, but I didn't like the ending with the message of 'woman couldn't have dreams, but their husbands could'. It doesn't matter for me was 'child; in the ending or not, but they should have given her character career arc plus. It might have been just a hint of her, talking about wrtitting a book or developing her gossip column into somethins more serious, like critique. Not her mentioning JUST editing Colin's book with a happy smile on her face, watching a newborn. That was the worst writting decision, because it proves Portia words. The whole point of Lady Whistledown was hiding under the mask and trying to gain control and power through her her, because Penelope was too afraid to bloom. In fact that power was within her, and although they did the choice of her uncovering face and name in the end, it didn't end well in her arc. It could have done way better, considering the point they made in the begining. I would also love to see more of her experience sexual awakening after episode five as a slow process of gaining that condifence and gaining control in bedroom(that will be my 3 bullet point about them together) by proceeding it through imagining, talking with friends or dreaming. Besides, I'd like to add that tv show would have benefited from scenes, where she's not only writting, but also looking at the mirror, kinda trying to see, what she really is every now and then(we had one of that scene in green dress). Could be in her bedroom before mirror scene, but after carriage one. It would have made sense, how perception of her body changed, and the mirror scene would have hit stronger. Could be done during her struggles of Whistledown reveal too.

Now let's focus on main couple, and what could have gone better, if writers didn't try to fit 10 storylines in 8 series and literally tried to write their leads attentively and thoughtfully. Polin. First and foremost, that talk about how they met (again bad creative decision, story should show, not hit right between your eyes) MUST have been a flashback. I don't take no as an aswer. It was the only part lacking through their development from season one. This one flshback could have fixed lots of things. + I think audience need a bit more warm-up with just the two of them in the first part of the show(more charming lessons, at least one more befoe the kiss, where Colin starts to get confused about his feelings, and it would have worked perfectly with all the other things). + him really going through the process of figuring out that she is Lady Whistledown. I feel like Luke played subtle emotions perfectly, but we didn't get build up of him, slowly noticing things from his POV(there were chances in the show and lines in the dialogues, ink scene, where they could have hinted on Colin's expression, even in the 1 part, that he could have found some of the Pen's action suspicious, but didn't question it or didn't want to believe in it because of the feelings, until finally he would have followed her to the dark streets of the town). Next thing, they should have shown the process of following her to raise the suspense, him hoping that was another person, her being in shadows in her cloackm, and that at the same time this build-up would have made Luck's acting incredible fulfilling and impactive) + after the reveal it's out of his character to leave her alone, and I guess writers lost themselves elsewhere + more dialogues with them not talking about their relationship, but art and craft of writting(again they share many common interests, why didn't they show us that before the fight and after they made up) + more dialogues with them being cute and teasy as in church and after the sex+ prolonging scene, where he reads her letters, but not just showing the letter, but hearing her voice in his ears + longing should have had more scenes and more touching and being hot and cold, not only him sleeping on the couch(this just one creative indea, but it's not enough, but by talking also), going back and forth after the fight, just the night encounter next to modiste and blue gown(in this particular one they didn't embodied the tension, my idea that although Colin wouldn't like the intimacy, when he is angry, but the stare wan't enough, he should have come, touched her and then made himself stop with a line or without it), these scenes were not enough to show their struggle there + longer scene of them making up after the ball and chage of sexual dynamic, because this is important to her character arc and him accepting her. This scene should have been the third long steamy scene, not 20 seconds with the attention to the details and how they do through trust and communicating with each other, it could have been wrtitten beautifully and releasing the tension of conflict between them by swapping roles, and Colin by that finding out he loves it, while Pen finally taking control as she wanted and as her real character is after revealing her indenty + having him coming to his senses before her speech and him holding her hand instead of her mother + the love confession which is not about just drama, but also bout them as friends and their dynamics

I am not sure I need to write the second part, about other nuanciens aspects and acrs, but this what I would have done if I had a chance to be in the writting room with them

[gofancyninjaworld]

There was a lot of complaints ant Saitama's breaking speech never making to the manga, but tbh even if the manga has a series of events that requires that to happen, I still don't want it to happen. Mostly bc what Saitama said is pretty hypocritical and doesn't make sense.

While I do give kudos that Saitama even admits he doesn't really have a concrete idea of what a "hero" should be... That doesn't give a vote of confidence considering he's um. Literally the most powerful hero alive. Kinda hard to believe in someone who doesn't even know if they're doing the right thing while wielding immeasurable power. He pretty much, well, dodged the question and never really bothered to shoulder the responsibility to figure out what kind of hero really wants to be.

Another is his "serious" hero hobby and Garou's "compromised" monster hobby, and the reason why he'll always win is bc he never half-assed his hobby. While he's right not to lower the hurdle before the goal... But the reason why opm more or less has a plot to begin with is because Saitama is half-assing his heroism. He barely takes anything seriously. Like, yes he never half-assed his training to be the strongest and while he's one of the more moral heroes out there he wasn't the best for a reason.

And tbh I'm really satisfied to how 166-169 played out. In the end, what the manga shows us is that they both have naive mindsets. Believing Absolute Evil would bring absolute world peace, believing heroes would always be on time and save the day — only to have reality crashing hard that for Garou to achieve Absolute Evil means people he cares about will in fact die and that Saitama's complacency and invulnerability means it's not him facing the consequences, but everyone else fatally paying that price. it just shows the perfect image that Garou and Saitama are not so different — Garou is a poor villain, Saitama is a poor hero, and it's bc of those flaws, despite them wielding incomprehensible, godly power, they both meet in the middle ground as humans. Which further reinforces ONE's intention to create Garou as the anti-Saitama.

An old, old comment that has aged like fine wine.

There's a question Garou asks Saitama in the webcomic that the latter never answers -- and really should. 'You're strong, but so what?' His questioning whether the mere fact of Saitama being stronger than anyone gave him any moral authority is one that desperately needs to be addressed in the webcomic. So far, so bad.

I really like that the manga has started to look at that question. The Japanese idiom Saitama used when looking at the carnage Cosmic Fear Garou had wrought was his being pierced by realisation (h/t @koumbaya). As if a spear had been thrown through his very soul.

It answered the question he'd been asking himself ever since the Superfight that he'd forgotten something important. In that moment, it came to him just how shallow he'd been for fretting over not learning new moves or finding tough fights. How irresponsible it'd been for him to forget that just because Garou was no threat to him, the same did not hold for others. He had become a hero so that when people were in trouble, he could be there to help them, and instead, little by little, he'd come to prioritise having a good time.

I love how the denouement of the arc has Garou and Saitama understand and enact what it is to be a hero. Garou puts aside his pride to ask for help and heroically sacrifices his life to teach Saitama how to go to the past, Saitama saves everyone who needs his help, *including* Garou.

I love how this fits into the structure of the bigger story, with King having challenged Saitama over this very notion. It's an important question. A hero may need to be strong, but how does that translate into morality? What gives a hero the right to say 'this is unacceptable and I must stop it?'

Of course, there's the small problem of Saitama having forgotten what happened. Which makes me think: whether he wants to or not, Genos has a responsibility to ensure Saitama learns those hard-won lessons without the rest of the world paying for it first.

Final thing: Garou not being left as a foil to Saitama is the best thing of all. He hasn't received a pat answer and been sent into exile to do no more evil. He's getting to struggle with his ideas, to try to forge them into a coherent and workable way forward, and it's good to see him being his own person.

[bohemian-nights]

yeah the suggestion that sophie should be erased is deeply annoying to. like i need male centered white women who are fujos to step away from bridgerton and benophie. Sophie being a woman, a bastard woman, and navigating her gendered oppression because of her lower class is integral to benophie. if people want lgbtq representation they can go watch another show, or better yet, create original characters and go write fanfic if they want.

There is a place for LGBT+ rep in Bridgerton, there is even a place to turn a couple of the characters bi, but specifically gender swapping any of the main love interests/protagonists just would not work, and people need to be honest about that. However, they won’t be because they are just using the excuse of the show not being “diverse enough” to not support a Black woman playing Sophie Beckett.

The reality is that Bridgerton has tried to be more diverse than most shows, but they do not have to check every single box or else the show is not “progressive” enough. That’s not how it works.

It’s not “unprogressive” to keep the most oppressed woman due to her gender and class in the eight book series a woman. Again taking rep away from women(and marginalized women at that) to give to a (white) man that way you can see two (white) dudes fucking on screen does not make you “progressive.” Trying most surely does not make you a good ally(seriously where are you people when we are actually getting bad rep?).

Just because you see Black people in a period piece that’s highly popular, in a place where you feel we don’t “belong,” that doesn’t mean that we have to give up our space to fit you inside it.

(Mind you this is a place that we created because if Shonda hadn’t adapted these books added the diversity this series would’ve never done the numbers it has. Bridgerton is a sensation because of racial diversity that isn’t steeped in racism and race. It’s neither here nor there, but we constantly create our own, everyone wants to eat off our plates, and then leave us with scraps after they’ve had their fill).

This whole discourse is just incredibly bizarre, but the thing I find the most disturbing about it is the fact that even if you want to say Sophie should be a man, Benedict doesn’t like men.

I mean this literally should be a non-issue since he has shown 0 interest in men for two seasons and he’s had plenty of opportunities to fuck them if he wanted too.

Now if the show turns around and makes him bi this season(doubtful, but I’ll humor the weirdos) he still clearly likes women too so why Sophie should get the boot is beyond me, but not surprising considering the state of fandoms.

Silently off topic, but kinda related since it comes from the same place of using the lack of prominent LGBT+ rep to justify keeping a Black woman from being Sophie.

Which brings me people who think that Masali Baduza(suspected Sophie) can’t possibly be Sophie and instead insist that she’s either related to the Stirlings(the family Francesca marrys into) or that shes a gender bent Michael.

For issue #1 people claim that Masali and Victor Ali(the man who they suspect is John Stirling) “look alike” therefore she must be playing his sister. Victor Ali and Masali don’t look alike outside of both being dark skinned Black people(the people saying they do look hella suspect🙃).

And while Masali isn’t a household name she did have her own show(Noughts + Crosses) so she’s too big to just be playing someone’s sisters on Bridgerton. Not to mention the secrecy for a side character seems extremely unwarranted.

Now for issue #2, people are using a casting call(cause at least they know that it makes no sense for Masali to be a side character) that allegedly went out two years back to say she’s gender-bent Michael.

If you believe in the casting call(a similar one went out for Kate calling for a Indian actress when she was being cast so it is on brand) it says that the actress cast will be the lead for season four. Francesca’s story most surely isn’t going to be next up(skipping over both Eloise and Benedict? Be real) and it’s also another gendered issue to where if you make Michael into a woman you are changing up the story so much you might as well created an OC.

There is plenty of evidence that suggest Benedict’s season is next, Sophie has been cast, she’ll be in s3, and even if you don’t want to believe the casting call right now, that Masali is playing her, but instead of seeing what’s right in front of them people want to say that it just can’t be.

Overall I feel like people are doing a whole lot of talking and “advocating” for nothing cause they are butthurt that Sophie doesn’t look how they want her to look.

It’s still hurtful though to see that people would rather want Sophie to be a man and take away everything she stands for than see her being played by a Black woman, but again fandoms are unfortunately weird like that.

Let me end this by saying that while my rants my sound like I have gone crazy or am trying to start some bs, I have been suffering in silence since Bridgerton came out nearly three and a half years ago so this is me breaking my silence.

Again this isn’t really about erasing Sophie. It’s about keeping Sophie from being played by a Black woman which is fucking nuts considering that a Black woman is producing this crap.

First it was how Sophie couldn’t be non-white because it would be problematic. Then after Simone was cast as Kate it was how the show had no East Asian representation or Latina rep and had “too many Black people”(where are the Black people besides Lady Danbury and Will 🙃)so Sophie could be non-white, but she should not be Black.

Now that it truly seems like a Black girl it’s how Sophie should be a man cause the show has no LGBT+ rep.

And yeah everyone deserves rep, but the fact that people have continually said that their has been enough rep for Black people as a way to silence us and push their own representation at the expense of Black people is disgusting.

I can not reiterate this enough, the one thing this shitty ass fandom has been consistent in is saying that a Black woman shouldn’t play Sophie Beckett.

All I can say is that I hope Shonda has not listened to the people who keep yelling at her to give them representation at the expense of Black people while at the same time being fucking passive aggressive whiny little anti-Black bitches to her and all the Blackish actors on the show.

[0perfectimperfections0]

Yo, I know I might be one of many people who ask this but I was wondering. Will get any lore expansion on the Everett family in the book you’re working on? I’m asking because the family has me really intrigued, especially Greyson. I know he’s one heck of a jerk, to say the least, but he’s a rather interesting jerk and I want to know more about him. I especially want to know how on earth he became that way despite his father, Henry, being quite a decent person, at least upon first impressions. I don’t expect any spoilers, though. I know you might want to save that for later. I just confirmation on when we can expect to see more of the Everett’s. Hope to hear from you soon! Keep up the great work!

You're actually the first person to ask about the Everett family. Which isn't surprising to me since I didn't make them a main focus point for the first book. The second book, "Blind Stitch", will give them more screen time like chapter 5 does, but most of the lore for Greyson Everett will be revealed through my Shell-Shock series.

It's just a matter of trying to figure out how to incorporate said lore into the Stitch series, because I really want to.

Greyson Everett is different as far as antagonists go, and I intentionally made it that way. He doesn't necessarily have trauma, he hasn't been abused, he wasn't set to unrealistic expectations, none of that.

Greyson's grandpa used to work at the World Trade Center (twin towers) and died when 9/11 took place. Yes, 9/11 will have an impact on the Stitch series and Shell-Shock, so if any of you are uneasy about that bit, consider this your warning. There won't be flashbacks or anything like that, just a general explanation of why Greyson initiated Henry's idea to start a doll company and why Louis exists.

The reason I don't have Greyson as a victim of trauma or anything like that is because of the way I have him treat Lou. Greyson is obviously abusive to him both physically and psychologically. And the message I'm getting through with that is that generational abuse and trauma have to start somewhere.

Greyson simply has strong political and world views, shaped by his family upbringing and 9/11, that drive him to simply believe that the way he treats Lou is the only proper way.

Not everyone that is abusive needs a tragic backstory, because it has to start somewhere. Some people are just cruel and don't deserve the "I was abused" card, and that's the hidden message I'm writing within the series.

As such, Greyson won't have a redemption arc or anything of that nature.

For background (I don't know how much you noticed in chapter 5 of Blind Stitch) but they live in Georgia. I can't remember the specific city, but the Everett's and the factory are located there.

I also did research on the actual UglyDolls line and that's how I built the rest of my fictional world around the factory. It originally was established February 14th of 2001, just months prior to 9/11.

In my story, Henry is the one that founded the company itself and was making it for the purpose of creating and producing dolls. He made sketches of potential doll designs, and Greyson helped him with most of the work.

Technical stuff aside, the first dolls weren't actually conscientious (alive). The first actual prototype couldn't walk or talk or any of that.

It wasn't until after 9/11 (spoilers so I won't go into detail) that Greyson started a secret operation that Henry didn't know about to create the microchips that would bring the prototypes alive. And this in turn would mean the regular dolls would be sentient as well.

I swear it makes sense once you know the full plan 😂 right now it probably sounds chaotic, and it kinda is. But I've got some sound plot based on my research of programming, AI, and all that stuff.

There are fictional elements to these stories, obviously, but a lot of the specific information I use is actual sound research.

Yes, I spent like 2 hours researching the step-by-step process of how to make a microchip 😂 which is why in my short story "Reunited" is really long. All that information he tells the dolls about their microfibers, microchips taking 4 months to make, all that stuff, that was research.

And the light colours are also accurate, but not specifically for when something is learned. Microchips are made out of silicon, which can be multiple colours, but whichever colour it starts out as affects what colour it ends up being after being exposed to light or thermal annealing.

I still have to do more research on it, but the reason why Lou's eyes are blue ties in with his microchip and the colours that are reflected when the microchip is exposed to light.

https://opg.optica.org/oe/fulltext.cfm?uri=oe-22-25-31545&id=306286

The above link is for those of you that want to read through an example of one of the many articles I use to attain this information, but don't feel pressured to 😂

Anyway, I'll stop rambling. I have to go to class anyway.

[kizzer55555]

Chaotic Main 4 as Creatures

Ok so recently I’ve been obsessed with this show called Chaotic which is like a card game come to life and the main characters each have a different tribe they like. And I’ve seen art of what it would look like if they became a creature from their respective tribes and got inspired to try it for myself.

Actually I was inspired to create a fanfic which was inspired by ‘Transcending Perim’ By: ChaoticCommander. So my idea is that Tom, Kaz, Sarah, and Peyton end up having their coded selves dying at the exact moment they were trying to leave, connecting them to their earth selves, and this happens at the exact moment a powerful surge of energy appears from the Cothica which the main 4 we’re trying to see in person and got caught in the blast. This then merged their coded self with their earth self and after being affected by the energy of the Cothica, transformed them into members of their tribe. A side effect is that it wiped the memory of everyone who knew them previously except those in chaotic. However, the creatures they knew beforehand would know something was missing. Felt that someone was missing but couldn’t figure out who. (And I’m debating if it was Klay’s fault their coded selves died). If they know someone really well though or spend a lot of time with them after being transformed, the creature they knew can regain their memories. This would also be really early in the series so they might not know Maxxor and Chaor as well or maybe they do but just don’t have much opportunities to meet and it’s painful for them to see their friends and not have them know who they are. I’m also debating what would happen to their earth selves, if they would just die, be in a coma, or disappear and be forgotten. And so they only have each other to rely on at the moment since they weren’t really close to others in Chaotic (and I believe that while Peyton might be friendly, he only really hangs out with the main 4) and a strange music in the back of their heads which kinda guides them and acts like a sentient entity only they can hear. It’s always there too, no matter what they do but only they can hear it. Because the Cothica saved them for a reason, knowing the M’arillians would invade soon. (None of this will make sense unless you watch the show). So yeah, that was my fanfic idea that I will probably never write but it compelled me to make fanart for it. Or maybe I needed to make fanart and then created an entire story behind it? Not really sure which came first.

This is Sarah AKA Seraphim (they either choose a new name or someone scans them and they see that their names have changed. A blessing from the Cothica.)

Tribe: Danian

This was actually inspired by this amazing art by HosekiDragon on devianart. It’s actually what inspired me to make art of all the main 4 as creatures. I would see art of them and have a basic idea of what they might look like but no matter what I saw, Sarah just never looked right until I saw this one picture and HosekiDragon’s Saraphim was so beautiful that I had to make my own version of it. The name is also what inspired me to make creature names of all the main 4 that include their actual names. The art also inspired Kaz’s design a little with the hair and tail but otherwise, that’s mostly what I imagined him as.

For Sarah, I imagine her as kind of a combination between a spider and a bee. She’s pretty similar in personality in being very headstrong and taking command but also deeply caring for her friends. As a female Danian, and being considered very beautiful, the Danians that see her basically treat her as royalty. (I have a headcannon that Danian parasites only work on males since the only females we see are the queen and princess and apparently, Larrina is an Overworlder, not a Danian.) so the Danains treat her as something almost holy which Sarah would love normally…if it didn’t have the side effect of them attacking Kaz, Tom, and Peyton for getting too close. Which makes Sarah annoyed. (She lost her home, her family (even if they didn’t get along) and she was NOT about to loose her boys too). Wamma is the only exception and even he doesn’t know why he doesn’t treat Sarah as something holy or why he doesn’t see the others as a threat to her. But he does have a strong urge to protect her.

Sarah is capable of flight, spinning this super strong silk from spinnerets in her wrists (which is what the main 4 made their clothes out of. Sarah being the exception because her exoskeleton already acts as both clothing and armor. Which is lucky because when they transformed, that did not include clothing.) and Sarah is very good at making tunnels, climbing or moving quickly in her new form. She is used to a Danian’s body from the dromes so it was pretty easy for her to adjust. It was just uncomfortable at night to find a good sleeping position.

Peyton AKA Peytonic

Tribe: Mipedian

Peyton’s form was both easy and hard. I definitely had the most fun on it though. I saw this fanart once where he was an ankylosaur and I’ve had that in my mind ever since. I just thought it was fitting. But at the same time, I felt his snout could be a bit longer like all Mipedians. So I did that but made it kinda square. I just felt that fit Peyton more. I also adjusted his coloring to be a bit more greenish like his clothes. I did take the robe idea from HosekiDragon’s art though. I thought it was cool. Then I looked for other lizard creatures and found one with the stripes and I was just in love so I added those. He kinda resembles an iguana and I kinda like that look. Or maybe that’s just me who sees it. Overall, I just love how he turned out.

Peyton was probbaly the most affected by the transition to Perim as creatures. Peyton spent most of his time In Perim and Chaotic though because lots of people in the real world thought he was weird. He made friends with the creatures who didn’t mind his weirdness and the players only cared about how well he did in the dromes. This made Peyton a lot more outgoing and friendly. So it hurt that his Mipedian friends have no idea who he was and that the chaotic players don’t seem to care that he hasn’t played in a while. Being in Perim wasn’t the problem, it was being there and not being able to talk to his friends that hurt him. While with the other main 4, he’s still his outgoing and friendly self. Practically loving his new body. But he avoids cities and other creatures because Peyton just can’t bear seeing them and having his friends have no idea who he is.

If they do run into creatures, he kinda closes himself off and lets the others do the talking. If he’s forced to speak, he tries to act like his normal self and pretend nothing’s wrong. Although his smile is strained if it’s someone he knew. He’s fine if it’s a creature he’s never met before.

As for his new form, Peyton is probbaly the most well adjusted to actually living in Perim. He spent most of his time there anyways. And he is loving his invisibility. He is also their expert on anything edible because Peyton, being Peyton, decided that a good use for the beta dromes is to taste everything in every location he’s been to that looks slightly edible. If it’s poisonous, then he can’t die in the dromes anyways. So Peyton tells them what is safe to eat and even knows some cool recipes. He also does some hunting with the others (they try very hard to pretend it’s just like a drome battle. It takes a while before Kaz or Tom can go through with a kill though. Even if they need it and it’s just animals). Peyton also doesn’t struggle to adjusting to his new form. He’s battled as Mipedians, exercised as them, played as them, slept as them. He’s explored every location and everything they could do so he’s right at home.

His abilities consist of normal Mipedian abilities. Strong scales like armor, claws, strong jaws, invisibility. Keen senses. And Peyton is a bit stronger than the normal Mipedian. He’s kinda the muscle in the main 4. He also does not act like a normal Mipedian warrior. Much more laid back and go with the flow. Which works for him in battle, especially with being unexpected. His body is too big and spiky for normal clothes so he just wears a robe. It allows much more maneuverability without getting torn. Peyton also has these extra hard scales down his back. He likes to curl up into a ball and roll into opponents. He finds it fun. His enemies? Not so much.

Kaz AKA Kazmodeus

Tribe: Underworlder

Every version of Kaz I have ever seen has him with orange skin. And I agree, it looks good. But I never liked the combination of orange hair with orange skin. So it never really clicked for me. I was never really attached to his art. Then I saw how HosekiDragon used black hair and I just loved that. But when I saw it trailing down his back, I imagined that it kind of looked like fire so I thought, what if Kaz actually had fire hair? But I didn’t think having just normal fire hair would be very practical so what if, it was normal hair that could become fire? I already imagined Kaz with a tail and wings so with orange skin, he kinda looks like Takinom. (And while that might have interesting consequences if Takinom feels like she knows him but can’t quite remember, I will store that plot bunny deep in the recesses of my mind). I also never really liked Kaz with horns. I get why they were added as usually it’s a reference to looking like Chaor but they just never clicked for me. On the other hand, I was determined to give Kaz his hair streak thingies. And then I had an idea. I gave Kaz a crest on his forehead that resembles the yellow hair streaks. I bet if you just glance over the drawing, you might mistake it as the hair streaks. But this way, it’s not affected by the fire hair. And I just think it looks cool. I made his clothes more practical with having an open back for his wings. And I made them a similar color to his normal clothes. Also, I regret to inform you, I took away his glasses. It took forever to find his actual eye color but yes, it is brown. I just feel like the Cothica would cure Kaz of bad eyesight if it changed his entire body.

Kaz’s form is pretty similar to Takinom so he adjusts pretty fast to having wings (except at night where he faces the same problem as Sarah). He loves flying and definitely makes use of it. Often getting an aerial view of their surroundings. The only thing Kaz struggles with, is his hair. It lights on fire. And that would be fine if it only did so when he wanted it too (which he can do). But it also lights on fire based on his emotions. If he’s angry, excited, scared. Any high emotion and his hair lights up. Which is bad when they are in a place like a forest. Kaz is pretty creative so he’s the one who actually makes their clothes using Sarah’s silk. Or even making traps around their campsites. For a while, they just keep moving since most places belong to the territory of one tribe and as they each look like they are from a different tribe, the others aren’t safe there. They refuse to split up and go to their separate tribes. They don’t want to loose the only normal thing they have left. They don’t want to see friends who will have no idea who they are (if they even let them into the cities. Being unknown creatures). And they definitely don’t want to risk fighting eachother. So they stick together and they keep moving.

Kaz is the designated campfire. If they need to cook meet, or boil water, or even forge something (Peyton took a shop class so when they find metal, he can forge them into tools, belts, clothing, or even armor if they want) they just walk over to Kaz and hold it over his tail. Despite his grumbles, Kaz doesn’t actually mind since he knows this is the safest option and doesn’t leave evidence of a campfire for other creatures to find. Or make smoke. He’s very useful on cold nights. Sometimes he’s also the designated flashlight.

Kaz misses his mom so much. But she’s the only one he actually misses. All his friends are in Perim with him. Everyone at school thinks he’s a freak. And Underworld players aren’t really popular in chaotic. And he isn’t popular with other Underworld players because of his friendship with Tom, Sarah, and Peyton. He does miss H’earring though (eventually H’earring gets his memory back and helps Kaz but the first time they met, it was like getting punched in the gut for Kaz knowing his friend didn’t know who he was and is why the others don’t want to risk meeting their creature friends for fear of the same thing happening.) The music from the Cothica helps sooth his nerves.

Kaz’s abilities consist of flight, fire attacks, being fire proof (he discovered this when he fell in lava and it was like a warm bath. Still scary though), spikes on his tail for harder hits, and being very maneuverable.

Tom AKA Tomahawk

Tribe: Overworlder

Tom’s name was the hardest out of everything. The others were pretty easy. I immediately named Kaz Kazmodeus as a play on a demon’s name. Peytonic was Peyton’s game ID and it just fit. Saraphim was a name on a different art but I loved it so much I had to use it. But Tom….Tom….do you have any idea how few names start with Tom in it? Or at least not the ones I want. I literally looked up every word that has Tom in it and most had it somewhere in the middle (Like Atomic) and while it was surprising to see how many names actually had Tom, every other character started with their name so I need to have one start with Tom. So I read through a…lot of words. (I was very tempted to call him Tomcat but instead, I shall have Kaz call him that to tease him). Eventually found Tomahawk which is basically a small axe or weapon used by Native Americans and I thought that fit perfectly. A weapon is strong, durable, and I just think it fits Tom’s personality. Especially since it’s a native American weapon and fits Tom’s current image.

Before anyone says anything. Yes, this is inspired by the Navi tribe from Avatar. No, I do not regret this decision. I know that everyone always draws Tom as being the same species as Maxxor, with green skin. And while I think that’s cool, I once saw this art of Tom with blue skin and elf like ears and have never been able to see him as anything other than a blue tiger ever since. I blame the fact that Intress is close friends with Maxxor. And the fact that most Overworlders are some type of animal. But Anyways, YES! AVATAR! I saw Tom with blue skin and saw him as a tiger and had to put them together. While there are many similarities between Tom and the Navi, there are some differences too. For example, Tom is covered in a thin layer of fur just like a normal tiger. It’s not just skin. (Kaz thinks he is a very fluffy kitty). His front is kinda pale blue, almost white, both on his chest and face. Kinda like Intress. His ears are like the Navi in which they are more elf like but can swivel around like cat ears. He also has retractable claws on his hands and feet. So while his paws can feel extremely soft without nails, he can call upon them for hunting, climbing, or any other reason. His feet are also more catlike. His tail is also prehensile and can be used to grab things. He often uses it for climbing by holding onto other branches. And yes, he can hang from his tail if he really wanted.

As for his hair. I was inspired by the Navi’s Queue (no idea if I spelled that right). The nerve cord thing on the back of their head. It has two functions. It’s prehensile, and it can channel electricity like an electrical whip. Basically, for Tom, it’s like a second tail. Only, a tail with a mind of it’s own. It grabs onto anything and everything within reach whether Tom wants it to or not. While his body is very similar to Intress, he’s never turned into a creature with a prehensile nerve cord in the back of his head while he was in the dromes. He doesn’t even know of a creature that has one. So while controlling one extra limb is easy as he has had acess to intress’s muscle memory, the nerve chord is a different story. It can grab things and Tom might not notice until he has to pry it out of the cord at the end of the day (or scold Kaz who likes to hold objects in front of the chord knowing it will grab them and then seeing how long before Tom notices) or it will grab objects like tree branches still attached to the trees and Tom will get yanked back when he tries to walk forward. Eventually he realizes that relaxing the limb releases things and once he gets the hang of it, starts being able to climb super fast and can eventually hold on with just the chord and tail while his hands are doing something else. Like drawing a bow and arrow. (But it will be a while before that happens).

The hardest thing about the nerve chord, is the hair. It’s like a horse’s tail (which Kaz mocks is like a literal ponytail.) Tom basically has his normal short hair, and then he has hair growing along the cord. If it remains still, it just looks like a ponytail, but because it’s constantly grabbing stuff whether on accident or even once Tom gets control of it, the hair gets tangled in everything. The problem though is that the hair is insanely tough. If something has to give, the branch/stone it’s attached to or the hair, the object always gives first so Tom always has to physically untangle stuff instead of cutting it out. They tried to cut the hair and it’s like wire. Super soft but unbreakable wire. They managed to cut it once after using some powers and the part that exposed the chord hurt so much. It’s like when you have a cavity exposed to the elements. Basically, the nerve chord is sensitive because of it’s ability to channel electricity. The hair acts as both a conductor to channel the lighting through it (again, like wire) and also protection. It’s soft against the actual nerve chord but acts like a barrier against whatever the nerve chord touches and just the elements in general. It’s basically like armor (if someone were to cut it with a knife, the knife is more likely to break or be damaged. They know, they tried it when they first started trying to cut Tom’s hair). So since they can’t cut it, (both from difficulty and because it is needed protection) Kaz has an idea from an old Disney movie called Tangled and they just braid his hair instead. That way, the hair doesn’t get caught in stuff.

Sarah becomes obsessed with this. She can’t do her own hair because it’s hard to reach with all her armor. Kaz’s hair is too short (even if it wasn’t, all decorations would just burn up when he got excited), and Peyton doesn’t have hair. So she basically uses Tom as a glorified Barbie doll by decorating his hair with all kinds of beads, feathers, and braids. Tom just kinda lets it happens for 2 reasons. One, because it makes her feel better and they need all the stress relief they can get, and Two, because you can’t really say no to Sarah when she makes her mind up about something.

Tom is kinda similar to Kaz when it comes to being in Perim. His parents are hardly ever home but he still cares about them and misses them. On the other hand, all his real friends are right there with him. However, he can’t face Maxxor. He might run into Bodal who doesn’t know him and that would be hard enough. (It would be fun if later, Bodal hates not knowing something so investigates why this creature felt familiar and recovers his memories when Tom wasn’t there). But Tom cannot face Maxxor. However, he does spend time with other Overworld creatures and even creatures of other tribes. So they gain back their memories of Tom back pretty quickly (whether or not he’s there for it is the question). Especially since he doesn’t avoid them like Peyton does his friends. I think Smildon might be next. Anyways, Tom is struggling but he tries to put on a brave face for the others. As for his abilities, he basically can do anything Intress can do. He’s very stealthy, agile, has strong senses (although his sense of smell sometimes backfires on him). And he also is very fast and can use electric attacks. Kinda like a lightning tiger. Many people mistake his braid for hair and get a nasty shock if they try to grab it or have Tom’s hands pinned and think that’s the end. He is incredibly good at battles. He was one of the best chaotic players and Intress was someone he played almost as much as Maxxor. Tangeth Toborn too and he was also very catlike. So Tom could take on multiple opponents at once and still win (like he did against Codemaster Hotek).

Eventually, Tom learns two new skills. One is archery which he might have dabbled in before or one of the other main four did, or he finds a new teacher (I don’t know but I really like the idea of Tom with a bow). And the second is that he learns how to be a caretaker. The main 4 might stay with Garv for a bit (either before or after they help Smildon at Prexor Chasm) and Tom and Peyton take an interest in how Garv does stuff. With the Cothica’s music guiding them on what plant or ingredients to use for different potions, Garv thinks they are naturals. This leads to them being very valuable later when the M’arillians attack as they are able to undo the pollution to the various Locations around Perim. (And I headcannon that the reason they were polluted is that the M’arillians brainwashed the caretakers with their mind control). I’m also making it so that the main 4 are immune to the M’arillian’s mind control. Every time the M’arillians try, the Cothica’s music starts screaming which basically drowns everything out.