#and cannot even recognize his big obvious crush much less articulate it

[worldsokayestdragon]

GreedxLing Week Day 7: Campfire

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Greed had never been camping before, because why the fuck would he? He demanded the finer things in life, and leaving your nice bed behind to sleep in the dirt in the woods was not one of the finer things.

Now he was stuck on an involuntary camping trip for months and months. All the way until the promised day, which wouldn't be until spring! It had been a week, and Greed was already sick of it. The ground was too hard to sleep on comfortably, the forrest was full of weird noises, and it got colder every night. Greed was pretty sure even people who like camping didn't do it over winter unless they were actually insane.

The people Greed was with were definitely insane.

Darius and Heinkle insisted that it wasn't that bad and it "built character." Greed had plenty of character, and it was that bad! Just because some people could grow fur coats on command didn't mean they all could.

Ed also said it wasn't that bad, and it was colder in Briggs. (fucking good for Briggs then, what did that have to do with Greed?) Ed also said that his teacher had sent him on a way worse camping trip when he was nine, and that he and his brother had ended up having fun by the end of it.

Fucking insane.

Ling also told Greed it wasn't that bad and he should stop complaining, but Ling was getting a free ride in Greed's head and didn't actually have to do any of the camping shit himself, so what did he know?

Greed was the leader of this little camping trip, so he had to stay present for it. No matter how much he hated it or how little he knew about "finding a good location" or "setting up a halfway decent campsite" or "tying the food up properly so it wouldn't attract wild animals, that's just common sense Greed, what's wrong with you?”

Animals didn't like to get close to homunculi or chimera anyway, so what was the big deal if he didn't want to climb halfway up a tree to store all their shit?

So Greed was the leader, but a leader didn't do all the work. He was more than happy to let the others make handle the minutia of day to day tasks and let him focus on the bigger picture. A good leader delegated.

And somehow he still ended up left in charge of building the campfire while the chimeras went on a supply run to a nearby town. Something about Ed and Greed not knowing how to be subtle or blend in. As if two giants blended in any better. But whatever, that town was too dinky to have anything worth Greed's time anyway.

That didn't explain why Ed couldn't light the damn fire, but the alchemist insisted he needed to "check their course," which just looked like wandering around to stare at the sky and check both sides of random trees, and occasionally making marks on a map.

Ling said what he was doing made sense, and Greed didn't actually know enough about maps to dispute it.

So Greed was left with a pile of wood, another pile of little sticks and dead leaves, and a box of matches. He had very little clue what to do with any of it.

You've been camping before, right? Greed asked Ling. On your way across the desert from Xing or whatever. Can't you do this?

Ling shook his head, or did the mental equivalent of shaking his head anyway. Greed could always tell even without turning his attention inwards towards Ling's soul projection, though it wasn't a sensation he'd know how to describe to anyone.

There isn't a lot by way of firewood in the desert. And it got cold at night, but it was still summer. We mostly just slept close together. The few times we did manage a fire, Fu and Lan Fan took care of it. Sorry.

He did actually sound a little sorry, which was decent of him. There was a reason Greed didn't mind having Ling around.

Greed groaned. ugh, fine. I guess I'll do it. I can totally do it.

Of course you can, Ling said, very matter of factly. We've watched Ed do it enough times. We can figure it out easily.

Right, Greed nodded and reached to pick up a branch. How hard can it be? Ed does it.

That startled a laugh out of Ling, an undignified snort that probably couldn't be considered quite proper for a prince.

Don't let him hear you say that. We'll have to sit through a whole rant about how he's a genius and none of us are on his level.

Yeah, that would be a pain, Greed said. But this really shouldn't be too hard. You just stack the big ones in a sort of a triangle shape and put the little bits inside and then light the inside first, right?

That sounds right to me. Ling agreed.

Right. That's easy.

Greed set to work.

It was not, in fact, easy. A sort of triangle shape was not an intuitive way to stack wood. The whole thing kept tipping over and collapsing into a big jumble.

By the fifth try Greed was growling to himself and barely resisting the urge to go find Ed and throw one of those stupid sticks at his head for making Greed do this.

Maybe I should try? Ling suggested. I probably have a more steady hand from all the swordfighting.

No, Greed snapped, glaring daggers at the stick pile as he started over. I will not be beat by a stupid heap of dead tree parts! I'm gonna enjoy lighting this shit on fire. It fell over again. Oh god damnit!

Oh-kay, Ling said slowly. You do it then. I think you almost got it a few tries ago. Just take a deep breath before you start over. It will only be harder if you're angry.

It'Ll OnLy Be HaRdEr If YoU'rE aNgRy, Greed repeated.

That was probably unfair. Ling had offered to help.

Greed took a deep breath before he tried again.

It took three more attempts for Greed to successfully arrange the large branches in a loose approximation of a campfire shape.

Greed used one of the matches to light a long, thin stick on fire and poked it through into the pile of twigs and leaves inside his branch pyramid. After a few long, nerve wracking seconds, the fire spread and the whole structure went up in flames.

It didn't burn as steadily or as brightly as the ones Ed made.

It's a little lopsided– Ling started to say.

It's on fire, isn't it? Greed interrupted. He was not in the mood for criticism right now. Whataya want from me?

You didn't let me finish, Ling said calmly. I was going to say that it looks good for your first time doing it. I don't think I could do better.

Oh. Now Greed felt kinda bad for jumping down Ling's throat. Well, thanks. I–

"You call that a campfire?" Ed tromped back into the clearing they were staying in and threw himself down across the fire from Greed. "It looks like crap."

He is such an asshole, Ling sighed.

"It's a fire. It's in the camp. It's a campfire. Now shut up about it unless you want me to set you on fire too."

Ed looked like he wasn't going to shut up about it, and Greed could feel Ling getting ready to beg him to let it go and not argue with the stupid runt no matter how much of an insubordinate little shit he was being, but Darius and Heinkle chose that moment to show up.

"The fire looks–" Greed glared at Darius. "...fine and normal."

“No it doesn't,” Ed said and ignored Greed glaring daggers at his head.

"Anyway," Heinkle cut through the tension. "The store in town was having a sale, so we got a little something special for tonight." He set down the bags of food he was carrying and started digging through one of them.

"I didn't say you could spend our money on unnecessary crap," Greed pointed out. Really no one was respecting his leadership tonight.

Don't you want henchmen who are smart and capable enough not to have to bother you about every little thing? Ling asked.

He did want that. Damnit.

"Whatever, it's fine. What did you get?"

Heinkle found what he was looking for in the bags and held up a few bars of chocolate, a box of some sort of crackers, and a bag of marshmallows.

"Oh, nice!" Ed said. "I haven't had s'mores since me and Al were little."

"Some more of what?" Greed asked.

All three of them turned to stare at him.

"You've never had a s'more?" Ed yelled. He sounded personally offended by the idea. "You're like 200 years old! How is that even possible?"

Do you know what he's talking about? Greed asked Ling.

Ling shrugged. No idea. Must be an Amestran thing.

Ed stomped over to dig through the pile of extra firewood, returning with a handful of particularly long thin sticks. He shoved one into Greed's hand.

"Here! Stick a marshmallow on this and hold it over the fire," he instructed.

Greed magnanimously didn't point out how rude it was of Ed to talk to his leader like that, because he was a great guy like that. And because he was really curious about these so-called s'mores by now. (Also, in the last week he'd been told no fewer than six times to "talk to Colonel Bastard if you want to know how I talk to a leader I'm disrespecting," and Ed did generally go along with what Greed told him even if he was a little shit about it.)

Greed stuck a marshmallow to the end of the stick and held it in the fire.

It immediately burst into flames, burning to a blackened lump as Greed watched.

"Now what?"

"Try holding it a little further from the flames this time," Darius suggested, handing him a new stick and marshmallow.

Ed shook his head. "No, setting it on fire is good, you just don't sit there like a dumbass and watch it burn after." He deliberately stuck his into the fire then quickly blew it out. "Faster that way."

Greed decided to go with what Darius said and held his second marshmallow above the fire until it turned brown around the edges and threatened to fall off of its stick. Then, copying what he'd seen Ed do, he put it between two of the crackers with a piece of chocolate and took a bite.

It was hot enough to be just on the edge of burning the crap out of his mouth, and also a total mess, marshmallow and melted chocolate squishing out from the sides as he bit down.

It was also really fucking good.

Greed tried not to react to the delicious taste, not wanting to give Ed the satisfaction.

Judging from the smug smile on Ed's face, he didn't quite succeed.

"So, do you like it?" Ed asked.

"It's fine," Greed sniffed, and then took another bite because it really was amazing.

Ed snorted a laugh, but kindly didn't rub it in Greed's face any more than that. He also didn't say anything when Greed reached for another marshmallow to make a second one.

It does look good, Ling said, a little wistfully.

Do you want to try?

Really?

Ling sounded pleased and awed in a way that made Greed's face burn for some reason.

Yeah, if you want. It's not a big deal, Greed muttered, and then switched places with Ling before he could answer.

"Ling?" Ed asked, somehow noticing instantly. "What are you–"

Ling completely ignored the Fullmetal Alchemist in favor of eating their second s'more.

It tasted even better than the first one, filtered through Ling's perception where Greed settled in the back of their mind.

After they'd finished their s'mores and–at Heinkle's insistence–eaten some real food, Greed and Ling got volunteered for first watch, even though they'd done all the work setting up the campsite. Ling didn't argue their case as hard as Greed would have, and Greed didn't care enough to push his way back into control of the body over it. He'd take over again in the morning.

The fire went out an hour before they were supposed to wake Ed for his watch shift.

Ling took his turn lighting it, and it went much better with Greed's now expert advice. They both agreed that the others didn't need to know about that.