#and by that I mean hes technically a toddler if we count when he became conscious as his birthday

[grantaire-lover-69]

Hyde must have drank his milk as a kid, because how the fuck is he not breaking bones while jumping from roof to roof like a madman?

[writethrough]

Hi, could you do either Billy Hargrove or Eddie Munson reacting to seeing their s/o who usually doesn’t like children, interact with a baby/toddler who they actually like? Maybe the s/o was hesitant at first but then the baby just became really attached to them? Ty <3

Little Chickadees

(Eddie Munson x Gender-Neutral Reader)

Warnings: None (I think)

Word Count: 889

A/N: Full disclosure, I really wanted to write both Eddie and Billy, but Billy's version has taken on two very different paths, so I need a bit more time with his. One is a little more wholesome and fluffy while the other is on the serious side. I'll link the fluffy one with this post, but not sure about the other since it won't have the same tone.

Thank you for the request! And I hope you enjoy it!

“Eddie, you literally hang out with children all the time!” you said, exasperated.

He gripped his chest as if in pain. “Ouch!”

You groaned. “You know what I mean. It’s just…Kids don’t like me, and I don’t like them. It’s a mutual dislike.”

You were rambling at this point, and both of you knew it.

All you wanted was to spend the day with your boyfriend, but because he was such a sweetheart, he had volunteered both of you for the petting zoo at the Fourth of July carnival. And where there were fuzzy, adorable creatures, there were screaming, crying kids.

“C’mon, it won’t be that bad!” He flopped beside you on his bed. “You technically don’t even have to watch them. That’s what their parents are for. You just have to make sure no one loses a finger to a goat.”

“That’s not helping,” you said.

“Or lets an alpaca loose.”

“Eddie!” You threw a pillow at him.

“Alright!” he laughed, “Alright, I’ll stop.”

You played with the chain hanging from his jeans.

“You’ll be fine, sweetheart,” he said, rubbing your knee. “But we should probably head over. I know how much you hate being late.”

You let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I guess.”

He offered you his hand, intertwining your fingers to lead you to his van.

You wished it had taken longer to get there. You would have rather listened to Eddie ramble about the most recent campaign than deal with the children of Hawkins.

At least the animals would distract you.

The baby goats were adorable, but you couldn’t help wincing when they bumped their heads together.

Baby ducks and chicks were waddling around in their pens, and the alpacas were corralled in fencing where visitors could see them.

“Think anyone'd mind if I took one of these guys home?” Eddie asked, holding one of the baby ducks.

You gave him a soft smile, resting your chin on his shoulder. “As much as I would love to see you play mother hen—or mother duck—I think stealing isn’t exactly the right answer.”

He puckered his lips in thought. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He set it back in its pen. “And with my luck, it’d probably like Uncle Wayne more than me.”

You hummed and kissed his cheek. “Guess you’ll just have to settle for me.”

You went to pull away, but he quickly caught you around your waist to kiss you properly.

“There’s no settling when you’re the most amazing person I know,” he said into your hair.

Your heart beat a little faster the longer he stared. He always looked at you like you were the only person in the room. And you counted yourself grateful you found someone as kind and loving as him.

“Love you,” you whispered, touching your forehead to his.

“Love you, too.”

Excited shouts and giggles drifted as the kids bounded to the petting zoo.

“Show time,” Eddie said, reluctantly pulling away.

You sighed for what felt like the tenth time. “Yeah, yeah.”

When you got to the main area, Eddie showed some little boys the goats. And when one of them headbutted Eddie’s leg, the boys all laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. 

And you briefly caught Eddie biting his lip to keep the groan back. He’d definitely have a bruise tomorrow.

Someone tugged on your shirt to get your attention. Holly Wheeler stood there with her head tilted back.

“Hey, Holly. Where’s your mom?” you asked.

She pointed to her right, where her parents were having what looked like a disagreement.

“Okay,” you nodded, “why don’t we look at the baby chickens? How does that sound?”

She nodded excitedly.

“Alright, Holls.” You gently picked up one of the chicks. “Sit next to me, and you can pet him.”

You both sat on a hay bale, and Holly was transfixed by the creature.

“Just use one finger and be super careful,” you said.

She slowly ran her finger down the chick's back, barely any pressure applied.

“Soft,” she mumbled, a content smile on her face.

“You like him?”

She nodded again, starting her path from the beginning. The chick lowered its head, eyes closing as the repetitive motion put him to sleep.

You grinned. “Looks like he feels safe with you, Holly.”

She giggled but stopped petting him, not wanting to wake him up.

“Let’s put him back with his friends. Wanna see the ducks next?”

She was standing by their pen in an instant.

Her interaction with the ducks went much the same. And soon enough, Mrs. Wheeler called Holly back and gave you a wave of thanks.

You had just put the duck back when Eddie sidled up beside you.

“Kids don’t like you, huh?” he teased, wrapping an arm around your waist.

You rolled your eyes. “It was a fluke.”

“Yes, of course.” He nodded as if it made perfect sense. “S’why you were so good with her, right?”

You pinched his side lightly. “Holly’s a sweet kid. Not like your little demons.” You nodded toward the group of boys now at the alpacas.

He shook his head slightly. “That goat had it out for me.”

You laughed, leaning into his side.

He kissed the side of your head. “Knew you’d be fine.”

You faced him. “Whatever you say, Dungeon Master.”

Taglist: @phenomenal-bird, @steph-speaks, @bookshelf-dust

If you’d like to be added to any tag lists, please comment or message me with the character you’d like updates on.

[kinocomix]

Untitled project Devlog #4: Musical jellyfish evolution and the death of languages (kinda)

here’s the thing. I technically know how to play piano and cello, but it’s the same way a toddler technically knows how to write the letters of the alphabet. Give them enough time and they'll scribe the works of Shakespeare; but you’re shit out of luck if you’re expecting them to finish it before they turn into a hormonal mess that popular culture states exclusively cares about prom… for some reason. 

Point is, I enjoy making music and respect the craft that goes into it the same way I do art. There is beauty to be found in everything. with that in mind…

How did we get here? Let’s talk about that.

In case you’re not familiar, these three images all represent installations that technically count as art, respectively by Maurizio Cattelan, Anish Kapoor (top) and Eva Hesse (bottom). I’m not here to be some salacious screaming goblin condemning or defending anything but what I am going to do is offer some context that might help you understand them, and we’re going to talk about how that ties into music.

Art and music change because of the world around them, that we know. One thing that’s slightly less obvious is the fact that it also changes in reaction to itself. When we as artists are not satisfied with something we drew, we make it better. We learn some new discipline to help polish our art like anatomy or brushwork or pacing (so on and so forth): we react to our art and decide to do something different. This concept is why we have different art styles and genres of music. Remember the fact that metal and punk sound the way they do because people were exploring the upper limits of electric amplification, but also because they wanted to sound different. They were tired of endless guitar solos and formulaic songwriting so they changed it. Eventually, those ended up being formulaic and spawned different music– we’ll get to that in a moment. 

Art right? So what does that say about a banana taped to a wall, a giant bean and a bunch of rope that looks like it met with the business end of a honey badger? This is what happens when something evolves into a corner. This is true for jellyfish. For example, jelly fish have evolved to be something so specific, that scientists theorize they can’t evolve into anything else even if they wanted to. With art, what this means is that the art being made is not going to be understood or engaged with as easily. In the name of preaching this very specific idea it loses its ability to communicate that idea widely–which is not inherently wrong but does raise an interesting question: what is the effect of this?

The reason Maurizio Cattelan taped a banana to a wall is because he was making fun of the art ecosystem, the art basel Miami beach exhibition that sold the idea of his banana for a collective 360.000$ not counting artist proofs. Whether or not you like him or his work doesn’t discredit the fact that he was poking fun at the gallery and us as viewers.

Art is always questioning itself: when Claude Monet first revealed his Painting of a sunrise (the one that would later help kickstart impressionism) people laughed at him. But he did it not because he was trying to please them, but because he wanted to suggest the idea that there are ways of painting that weren’t being explored at the time.

Impression, sunrise Claude Monet

From there people kept on trying new things. Art became less about what you’re drawing and more about what’s also behind the art, the artist, the message, the idea, the people that congregate around it. sound familiar?

Metal music isn’t trying to be weird, it’s just trying to be itself, which happens to be weird.

shameless self quote there.

and here’s the core of it: music and art sometimes have a feedback problem. The new tends to be derivative from what came before it and it can fall into a sort of formula– which is not wrong, nothing is always meant to trailblaze some unknown territory. But the ones that stand out the most and are the most memorable are frequently the ones that do. This can be applied to what we’re talking about here: the reason we ended up with shiny beans and rope being art isn’t because people are trying to scam you, it’s because the idea being put forward requires so much context that most people genuinely just don’t have time for. 

Just like metal, art is just doing what art does best, being itself which ends up feeling so weird because you have bands like infant annihilator who are writing albums called 

The Palpable Leprosy of Pollution… FOR THE LOLS. You see the giant wall of context I just had to give you to understand just the banana? I didn’t even talk about Anish kapoor and how people don’t like him, or even mention Eva Hesse. Now imagine the amount of context I would need to give to explain this: 

Some Metal, just like some art, is guilty of having evolved itself into a corner with a feedback loop of “louder and more outrageous”. Again this isn’t bad, and I'll illustrate that by talking about classical music.

The main thing classical music and the culture surrounding it are accused of is elitism, and it’s not a secret to anyone that classical music has been stuck in the same place for a while. Even within itself people who listen to early classical music like Bach say contemporary composers are less good, i.e. anything written in the 20th century (1900’s). And… it’s easy to see it right? You can imagine the old piano instructor who exclusively teaches Chopin to the letter who says something like “hip hop is bad” (I'm not too sure what old annoying people say about music so I’m sorry for the misrepresentation, old annoying people). But this image misses a lot of cool things about classical music, like how Chopin was mostly an improviser who used the written notation as a general guide, or how Mozart was a broke freelancer, how shostakovich got in trouble when he wrote his 9th symphony because he made it stupid on purpose to make fun of the USSR. The MADMAN. The history of classical music is chalk full of things like this.

There's this tantacrul video that delves into more detail regarding elitism in music.

it should be noted that the sensibilities of classical music are slightly different than metal. Metal focuses mostly on bombastic feelings which classical music does too– in its own way: I’m reminded of Accept’s cover of night on a bald mountain  

I should mention that I’m stating these facts as someone who was trained classically, my brother’s also a counter tenor. In any case, the short of it is that classical musicians have a lot of the same sensibilities regarding making art that metal musicians do -see devlog 2. The place where it gets interesting is how they define what the music is for. Now you’ll hear a lot pretentious ways of it being described like “gateway to the soul”  or “frequencies” or some equally vague nonsense but any classical musician worth their money will tell you this: 

Amplification and electricity did not exist. Techniques are the way they are and instruments are built like that because the only thing giving the sound its quality is you. There are a lot of people you’ll hear using that as a jumping off point to discredit electronic music or any music that requires amplification but those people aren’t the point right now. This is important to mention because at its core, classical music is a magnifying glass for feelings. It goes through the entire spectrum of emotions because it had to.

The same way metal was founded and ended up unifying these people who sometimes felt like outcasts, classical musicians are sometimes up their own ass for that same reason. according to unesco out of the around 7000 languages that exist today, over 6500 are going extinct. That’s… a lot. Music, just like language, can go extinct. Think of all the garage musicians that no one knows, or that song your friend made that has 10 views on youtube. Those are ideas and sounds that die the same way languages die when no one speaks them. Sure, some people give things more importance than they deserve; but when no one plays a genre anymore… Those ideas are lost. Imagine being the last person on earth to know of the existence of metallica. For some classical musicians, that threat is real; setting aside the natural classism and racism that exist within the confines of the genre– That is an entire research paper by itself and for the record, a lot of equally beautiful arabic and african and indigenous genres of music are even more threatened of extinction.

This is where fusion metal and my comic come in. I think given the fact that both of these genres have evolved into corners it would be interesting to present the music of the band in my comic as being classical fusion metal. It would be a great jumping off point for [spoilers] and would provide an excellent natural tension between the band members. In addition, it fixes an issue I had with the plot which is also amazing. In any case…

Next week we’ll be looking into something wildly unrelated to music. but that’s it for now.

devlog updates on tuesdays. 

[twistedlymad]

Hi! I was wondering if you do requests cuz I came upon this blog and was like hm this blog is pretty interesting. Your writing and stories so far are amazing I’m in love with them. I was wondering if you could write a story where the fem reader turns into a child and what the twst boys would do. Everyone causing different shenanigans. Anyways I hope you will be able to write this. Goodbye!!! *Anon* Out :)

Ohmaigawd Anon, you’ve made my entire week! Thank you for liking my stories! I’ve never felt this happy :’)

Anyway, yes! I do take requests! And thank you for requesting this story. I’m sorry it took me awhile to finish this but I hope this story is up to your standards! Thank you again and have a lovely day!! 

What if you became a baby? (Ft. Grim, All the Dorm Leaders, Ace, Deuce, Epel and Jack)

“Ugh… I’m so tired….” You groaned in the cafeteria. You held up a hand to support your head. Grim was beside you, laying down face first onto the table.

“Well… Nothing special happened today…” He said making you glare at him.

“Today? How about this whole month? The Magical Shift tournament was just last week! First of all, we had to go on this ‘student-hunt’ to protect the top players of Magical Shift. Then we had to find out whoever was causing all of this chaos by injuring said top players. And once we did, Leona-senpai got overblotted and we had to stop him. Also, you hit me!” You exclaimed at Grim.

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad...” Grim turned to face you, only to meet with your glare.

“You hit me. In. The. Head.” With each word, you leaned in closer to the furball. “You made me unconscious for a day.” You looked at him with eyes that stared into his soul. Grim took a gulp.

“A-Ah… That did happen, didn’t it? Hehehehe.” Grim laughed nervously. You just sighed and patted his head. “I couldn’t blame you… I understand you want to show off, but please, be more careful.” You said and he nodded.

“And don’t go complaining how life is boring for you, because for me, I think I’ve had enough for this month.” You went back to your normal position and sighed. “You know? I would give anything for me to do my own stuff without a care in the world.”

“What? Like a baby?” Grim asked.

“You know what? I wouldn’t mind being a baby again, even if it’s just for a day.” You shrugged and you stood up as the bell rung. “But we all know that won’t happen. It’s not possible! Now come on Grim, let’s go back to our dorm.” You said as you picked up the creature in your arms and started to walk away from the cafeteria.

“Ughhh, why did Professor Trein had to give us assignments on a Friday?” Ace grumbled as he, Deuce, Jack and Epel were practicing their magic in the field.

“Well, we have the next two days off, so it’s better for us to work on our magic than laze around doing nothing.” Deuce replied.

“Yeah, let’s just get this spell over and done with.” Epel said. “Wait, what spell was it again?”

“A youth spell. The spell is said to reverse time on an object, making them younger.” Jack commented. “We’re going to use this apple as a test subject.”

“Wait, how much time does the spell reverse?” Epel asked.

“If I’m not mistaken, probably a few days.” Deuce answered.

“What if we all casted at the same time? Would that make the apple turn back into a seed?” Ace suggested.

“I don’t know but we could try!”

“No! What if something goes wrong?” Jack was hesitant to this idea. Who knows what could happen if they misfire? Or even worse, casted the wrong spell?

“It won’t! Trust me!” Ace said proudly.

“…. Alright, just this once.” Jack gave in.

“Ready? On the count of three we cast the spell together.” Ace said as the four of them readied their pens.

“1, 2, 3!” Four blasts from 4 directions were headed towards the apple in the middle. The blasts collided with each other and hit the apple, but, the spell was too strong, it bounced off from the apple in another direction.

“AHH! IT’S OUT OF CONTROL!”

“I-Is that (Y/N)?”

“It is! (Y/N)! LOOK OUT!”

You were walking with Grim back to your humble Ramshackle Dorm, when you heard shouts for you to duck and look out were heard. You turned to see a spell was heading straight towards you, in order to save Grim who was still in your arms, you threw the creature onto the floor, making him bump his head on the way. The spell hits you shortly after.

“Fgnaaaa! Why did you do that for?” Grim sat up and rubbed his head. When he turned to look at you, you were gone.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N)?!” Grim looked around frantically, searching for you. But then he heard a small giggle.

“Ah! Goo Ga!!” A (E/C) colored, (H/C) colored toddler was trying to grab onto his tail. The toddler was wearing a baby version of the school uniform.

“Fgnaaa! Who is this kid?” Grim said as he brought you closer to his face.

“Grim!! Are you okay?!” Deuce asked as he arrived, Jack, Epel and Ace followed shortly after. Grim was focused on the other first-years, leaving you with no attention and you decided to crawl away.

“I am, but I don’t know where (Y/N) went.” Grim said to the first-years. “Anyway, what was that blast? Did you guys miss fired a spell?”

“Umm, I guess you could say so.” Epel looked at the ground sheepishly.

“I told you guys that it wasn’t a good idea.” Jack growled to the others.

“Oh? You eventually agreed to the idea! Now it’s our fault?” Ace retorted back. Before they could start arguing again, Grim stopped them.

“Wait, what spell did you guys miss fire?”

“It was a youth spell, we wanted to see what would happen if we stacked our spells together.” Deuce explained to Grim. “It hit the apple, but it also went off in this direction, specifically (Y/N)’s direction.”

“Oh no, this is bad.” Grim paled.

“What why?”

“If you guys miss fired a strong de-aging spell and I saw a toddler with (E/C) eyes and (H/C) colored hair. That means-“ Grim stated but was cut off by Epel.

“The spell hit (Y/N)! She must’ve turned into a baby!”

“We have to fix this! But Grim, where is the baby?” Jack asked Grim frantically.

“What do you mean? She’s right her- WHERE IS SHE?” Grim exclaimed as he looked at his tail only to find out that you were gone. Everyone panicked slightly but Jack snapped everyone out of it.

“She must’ve wondered off! Ace, Deuce, go find Professor Trein and ask him how to undo the spell. Epel, me and Grim will go look for baby (Y/N).”

“We’ll meet up at Professor Trein’s class later!” Ace shouted as he and Deuce ran off to find the Magic History teacher.

“Let’s better start searching for her, who knows where she could be now.” Jack said as Epel and Grim nodded. And so, the search for you had begun.

You were wondering around the hallway, crawling along the huge lockers, just exploring this whole school. As you wondered, you heard chatter coming from one of the rooms and since you were a baby, your interest is easily piqued. So, you decided to go into the room, unnoticed.

The Dorm Leaders were having a meeting. The meeting was held in a room which just so happened to be the exact same room you entered. Which is why you heard noises of people talking.

“Now, everyone, welcome to today’s Dorm Leader meeting. We will be discussing about last week’s Magical Shift tournament.” Azul started.

“I am pleased to announce that ticket sales and as well as sales in general had an increase of 12 percent compared to last year.” The other dorm leaders nod in agreement.

“Yes, this year’s Magift Tournament was quite the eye opener. Never would I have seen so many events happen leading up to the tournament.” Said Malleus.

“But it was quite the tournament nevertheless, thank god all the problems were fixed before the actual event.” Said Vil.

“And it’s all thanks to Riddle, Cater, Jack, Ace and Deuce, right?” Kalim asked cheerfully.

“Not quite. (Y/N) and Grim did a lot more and they also accompanied us in solving the mystery.” Riddle replied calmly. “Without them, we wouldn’t even have a tournament at all.”

“Ah! We should totally invite (Y/N) to our dorm leader meetings next time! Well, since she is technically a dorm leader.” Kalim suggested.

“If it’s okay with the principal, then do as you please.” Vil said, looking at Crowley.

“I wouldn’t mind either way.” Leona shrugged.

“Same here.” Idia spoke through his phone.

“Ah, well, I’ll ask (L/N)-san her thoughts on this invitation when I see her, now then, onto our next topic.” Crowley continued the meeting with a new topic.

You were actually close behind Crowley, for you saw his cape. You thought that it was a very comfortable blanket and so you crawled beneath it, letting the cape engulf you. Feeling the softness of the cape, you let out a cute squeal of delight. As soon as you did though, everyone in the meeting room froze.

“U-Um, you all heard that right?” Idia asked his fellow dorm leaders and everyone nodded.

“Where did that sound come from?” Asked Kalim.

“I think it came from Crowley.” Leona replied, looking at the headmaster.

“Leona-san is right, it seems like it came from Headmaster’s direction.” Malleus said as he also turned to look at Crowley. Everyone then looked at him with suspicious looks, as if he had stolen something.

“N-Now! Let’s be rational, there aren’t any babies on school campus!” Crowley said, for he was panicking inside because he had heard the sound quite loud and clearly too. And it was at this time you decided to let out another sound.

“Goo Ga!!”

“Alright Crowley, out with it! Did you or did you not bring a kid?” Leona asked the headmaster.

“No! I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANY TODDLERS!” Crowley defended himself. As he did so, Kalim took this chance to inspect Crowley, to find the object that could’ve made that sound. A phone perhaps? A ringtone? Anything! But when he got to his back, you decided to move around, therefore making it seem like Crowley’s cape was moving by itself. Kalim paled as he saw this, he thought it was a ghost.

“h-heADMASTER’S CAPE IS MOVING ON IT’S OWN!” Kalim yelled out in surprise. All the dorm leaders and Crowley turned to look at Kalim.

“So, headmaster, you’ve brought ghosts into today’s meeting?” Malleus asked Crowley with a raised brow.

“N-No! I didn’t!”

“Then explain your cape!” Kalim retorted back.

“Thank god I didn’t leave my room to witness this.” Idia mumbled to himself.

“There is no way I have brought ghosts to our meeting!” Crowley exclaimed. “It must be the wind, see for yourselves!” And he snatched his cape away from you, leaving you exposed to all the dorm leaders. You didn’t know what was happening, one second you were underneath a comfy blanket and the next, 7 pairs of eyes were on you. (I ain’t counting Idia’s eyes :’) ) You were confused.

“A…. A BABY? WHOSE JOKE IS THIS?” Crowley shouted, in the meantime, his shouting had scared you and you started to cry.

“Great going teach, you’ve made it cry.” Leona said, rubbing his temples.

“What?! How is this my fault?” Crowley looked back at Leona.

“Well, if you hadn’t shouted, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“Don’t put all the blame on headmaster!”

“So, who is to blame?!”

And so, began the fight between each of the dorm leaders and Crowley. Not far away, Jack, Epel and Grim heard the commotion and decided to see what was happening.

You eventually stopped crying as you felt tired. You took a small yawn and decided to nap on the table. The dorm leaders were still fighting though. It was until Vil saw you fell asleep and shushed the other dorm leaders and Crowley.

“Look, it’s gone to sleep.” Vil whispered and everyone stopped to see you asleep on the table. Jack, Epel and Grim poked their heads in to see the exact same thing.

“Ah! There she is!” Grim exclaimed and the dorm leaders looked at him.

“She?” Azul asked.

“Yes, a she.” Epel said as he slowly went up to you and picked you up.

“But there is only one female student in this school.” Vil stated. As all the dorm leaders widen their eyes.

“You mean?” They asked.

“Yes, this is (Y/N).” Jack replied.

“……….. A-Ah.” It has come to their realization that the toddler was you, and they all had a slight blush on their faces.

So, Jack, Epel and Grim went to Professor Trein’s classroom and got a lecture from the teacher.

What was it about? Oh, the usual. Never combine spells. Ever.

The professor casted a spell on you, saying that it’ll work but it’s going to take a few hours. So Ace and Deuce decided to bring you back to your dorm and have Grim take care of you. It was fairly easy since you were asleep all the way.

After a few hours, it was night time and you were back to normal, but you woke up with a headache.

“Ugh… What happened? I feel like I went on an adventure today.” You asked.

“Yanno, remember when you said you wouldn’t mind being a baby for a day?” Grim asked you.

“Yes, I remember that.” You said, rubbing your head.

“That’s exactly what happened, now, can we go eat? I’m starving.” Grim answered your question and jumped into your arms for you to carry him.

“Eh? Um, sure I guess, let’s go.” You said and took him to eat at the cafeteria.

When you arrived, you sat with your friends asking about what had happened. They hesitantly explained the story to you and you slowly took it all in. When you did, you smacked Ace, Deuce, Jack and Epel on their heads for their carelessness, and with that, you forgave them for making you into a toddler.

However, after that day, the dorm leaders were paying a lot more attention to you. Asking if you need anything or just walked you to class in general. You were absolutely dumbfounded at this new attitude of the dorm leaders, but, you would be lying to yourself if you say you didn’t enjoy it one bit.

[bluerosesburnblue]

I hope you don't mind this ask, but... Any theories / speculations about the most recent story update for KHUX?

Oh, I don’t mind at all! I’m glad you asked, actually, because I’ve had some thoughts, though not many new theories of my own, unfortunately. That being said, I can definitely go over how some of my old theories and some of the fandom’s hold up and my thoughts on a few of the new theories I’ve seen floating around

One thing that I’m consistently proud of is how my old guesses about Darkness’s true nature just keep ending up almost right barring some slight details. I made the claim back when Re:Mind first came out that Darkness could be a hive mind of entities that plant bits of themselves in others, and then refined that back in July of 2020 by likening it to a parasite that worms its way into people’s hearts and incorporates itself into them to control them. This past update confirmed that the Darkness we’re fighting is one part of the hive mind that wormed its way into Ven to force him to act out, and that by doing so it detached itself from that hive mind and became incorporated into Ven’s being (which Ven can then shape). So I gotta say I’m pretty pleased about that part

All that’s left to be seen from the July post is if Darkness has a connection to Verum Rex/Quadratum, but I doubt that that will be touched on by the KHUx finale. Though I will say that it’s pretty interesting that the Master of Masters tells Darkness about “a world [he] can’t even conceive,” which seems like it could easily be referring to Quadratum, which also means that Darkness knows about it

That’s pretty much all I have to say on the Ventus/Darkness/Vanitas connection, but there’s still more to cover in this update

One thing that I’ve been trying to figure out is who the cloaked figure right at the start of the update is, Luxu or the MoM. Measuring the sizes and my old guess based on the KH3 Secret Reports both say Luxu, but this brings into question “when,” exactly, the True Dandelion scene takes place as it doesn’t have the dark haze around the edges that they give flashbacks, but is clearly the real-world set of pods as they’re not destroyed AND it’s missing the pod that Maleficent already used. The True Dandelion scene has a lot to unpack, but this scene at the start does make me wonder if Luxu and/or the Master have a way in and out of the datascape that doesn’t involve the pods, otherwise the numbers don’t add up

Also related to the post of mine I just linked is the idea that the Black Box is the datascape. I believe that this might still hold true. It’s interesting to note that they show the scene from Back Cover where Luxu is given the box in the first place just prior to the reveal that using the lifeboats to escape starts the process to seal it off and have the real Daybreak Town fall to darkness, and the Master’s “hint” to Luxu involves this very process. Why would Luxu be forbidden to open the box? Quite possibly because it contains the infected datascape meant to seal off the vast majority of the Darkness hive mind. And several Dandelions. It is both the “hope” mentioned in KH3 through those Dandelions, as well as a trap to keep Darkness out of being able to interfere for quite a long time

Now, the questions that I’m sure are on everyone’s minds are “who is the True Dandelion,” and “who are the ones who use the lifeboats?” Let’s start with the True Dandelion, as there’s far less moving pieces involved in that one

I won’t take credit for coming up with any of these options, I’m just going to discuss the logistics of them. So the candidates for the True Dandelion in, what is in my opinion, the least likely option to the most likely option, are:

Kairi: I’ve seen this one floating around and... honestly don’t believe it at all due to the sheer amount of logical contortions that you have to do to make it work. To wit:

Where the hell would she even come from if it was Kairi? As can be clearly seen with Ven, is stated to be true with Subject X, and is implied to be true of Lauriam/Elrena, those who travel to the future using the pods will regenerate their bodies at the age they were when they used the pods. Which would make Kairi at the oldest a four-year-old. Four years prior to KHUx was when Brain was told that he was a Union Leader. So she either would have been just born immediately prior to the war and was just... stolen or something? And we never saw? Or just after the war, where she would probably have to be the child of a Dandelion that got teen pregnant because they’re supposed to be both kids and the only survivors? Or Luxu and Ava’s kid somehow? Like, what? The timeline is just insane with that

If she was born before the war... you would assume that the True Dandelion would be, you know, a Dandelion. Which would mean that Ava handed a Keyblade to and recruited a literal toddler. This would also retcon Aqua being the one to accidentally pass the ability to wield a Keyblade down to Kairi and I refuse to make theories predicated on “the author will retcon this.” You just open up a huge can of worms doing that

The body wrapped in white looked a hell of a lot bigger than a four-year-old to me

I am sick to death of “this character was secretly from the Age of Fairytales~” being employed by the narrative. It’s happened at least three times already (four if you count Luxu). Enough already

Ventus: Ven has some hints, though some notable contradictions to it being him

On the one had, the sheet that the True Dandelion is wrapped in is extremely similar to the one that Xehanort wrapped him in when planning to leave him on Destiny Islands in BBS and there’s a possibility that Xehanort may have found him in that very sheet if he regenerated wearing it

On the other hand: Ventus might not have even been a Dandelion in the first place (he definitely wasn’t a Union Leader, but I don’t know if it was ever said whether he was selected as a regular Dandelion or not), and there’s the timing of the scene that I mentioned above. It’s definitely after Maleficent used her lifeboat but before anyone else used theirs (when you would expect Ven to remain with his friends) and, since the scene doesn’t have the flashback effect, it’s implied to be happening concurrently with everything else, so Ven should still be fighting Darkness in the datascape while it’s happening and eliminating him from being this particular person

Strelitzia: Oh, boy, have we got some nice old hints to Strelitzia, but still a few logical contortions, just like Ven

The white sheet is coming back up again. Namely, the fact that we still have an unexplained scene where Strelitzia appears to Lauriam in a dream wrapped in a white cloak, though it’s of a different style than the one that the True Dandelion is in. That scene also featured flower petals being blown into the wind, much like a dandelion seed (though, notably, the petals that are blown aren’t Dandelion seeds)

The question is, yet again, one of timing. How would Luxu get her body? While she was only introduced in KHUx, her scenes are all flashbacks to before the war, so we know that she was struck down in the real world, not the datascape. We see her body dissolve into light and her heart be released. Now, technically you only need a heart to time travel (actually, a heart is the only thing that can time travel), but Luxu is clearly seen putting a body into the machine. A machine that only allows for time travel because it destroys the body. If he had her heart, he wouldn’t need to use the lifeboat because she’s already in a state to time-travel on her own and this eliminates the possibility of him putting her Nobody into the machine, because without a heart it would just evaporate her body leaving... absolutely no heart to go to the future with

Now, Luxu theoretically could have grabbed her heart. We know that he was hanging around Daybreak Town at the time while observing thanks to his fight with Ava, but Strelitzia is struck down just after the fight with Ava starts so it’s very likely that Luxu was too preoccupied to retrieve her heart before it was gone. Speaking of Luxu’s fight with Ava...

Ava is my current top pick for the True Dandelion candidate due to the sheer number of questions it answers and how few it raises

Ever since KH3 came out, the question of “where the heck is Ava?” has been buzzing around as a major mystery. Her last chronological point of appearance is the same as the other Foretellers: the Keyblade War itself, where she’s shown leading her Union to battle. Notably, she seems resigned to her part in this, and this is the first and only time we see her after her battle with Luxu where he reveals to her the Master’s true plans. Melody of Memory seems to imply that the other Foretellers managed to skip to the future by going to another world, Quadratum (or at least this is the most likely explanation as there’s not enough pods to send all four of the other Foretellers AND the characters that we know end up in the future to their destination). However, Ava isn’t with them and Luxu knows what happened to her

It would be easy to write this off as them trying to drop Ava from the narrative or her not being important, but her chess piece is included in the “Eraqus and Xehanort foreshadow the next saga” chess game on the far right of the board and Nomura confirms that they represent the Master’s six apprentices, i.e. the five Foretellers + Luxu. So, Ava is necessary in the upcoming saga and yet, she didn’t get to the future the same way as any of the Master’s other apprentices leaving her open to get there via a lifeboat

Ava is the very founder of the Dandelions, who all of the others look up to and defer to and was spoken of heavily in the scene just prior to the True Dandelion reveal. That’s grounds for being called the True Dandelion if I’ve ever seen one

Luxu would very easily be able to ensure that Ava would be able to make it to the future. Just like with the Master of Masters, he already has the memories necessary for her to use to regenerate a body, and either her Keyblade or her mask would make for effective mediums that wouldn’t be too difficult for Luxu to take. If he put her in the white cloth, he probably took her mask off already

Ava hasn’t been around for the events of KHUx, so there’s no timeline discrepancies if it’s her

So, now that we have an idea of who the True Dandelion could be, let’s talk about the rest of the lifeboats and how they might fit together. For the purposes of this discussion, let’s assume that the True Dandelion can’t be one of the Union Leaders and that their battle with Darkness is taking place at the same time as Luxu is sending off the True Dandelion. I’ll be referencing an old theory of mine, while making additions now that it’s clear that there’s two sets of lifeboats: the Data Set and the Real Set

Right now, there’s an equal number of Real Pods and Data Pods: 5 each. For the Data Pods, of the seven that we started with, one was used by Maleficent and one was damaged in the battle between Maleficent and Lauriam. As for the Real Pods, one has been used by Maleficent, and one has been used by the True Dandelion. This leaves us with five each.

We can narrow this down further by eliminating people that we know end up in the future. These are:

Ventus

Subject X, who is most likely Skuld based on her description

Lauriam

Elrena* (of note with Elrena is that we actually have no idea where the hell she is at the moment or how she’s going to get into the pods. Furthermore, while every other lifeboat user sans Maleficent has been shown to have amnesia upon waking and Lauriam/Marluxia directly indicates as such applies to him, too, in KH3, Elrena/Larxene’s KH3 scene and character file short story both indicate that she recalls Lauriam and possibly Strelitzia, though she also seems surprised at the idea that she’s part of an ancient Keyblade legacy. I won’t deny that there’s a possibility that she doesn’t use a lifeboat and ends up in the future by other means based on the discrepancies)

So with three confirmed cases, we’re left with one ambiguous case in Elrena and three more possible candidates: Ephemer, Brain, and Player. Four people, and two pods

I want to make it clear that despite what I brought up against Elrena, I do think that she’ll be using one of the lifeboats if only so that KHUx has narrative consistency. They introduced Elrena, they made her part of the investigation on Strelitzia’s whereabouts, so it only makes sense that they need to show us where she ended up for a satisfying conclusion. So let’s slot Elrena in for one of the lifeboats. That leaves one between Player, Ephemer, and Brain

My best guess is that Player won’t be using a lifeboat at all. Not only are they a create-a-character that would be a HUGE pain to try and incorporate into future entries in the series without making a “canon” version and thus ruining their appeal as an avatar, but we haven’t seen or heard mention of them at all in the games set in the present-day. There’s zero indication that they made it, which makes them the most easily eliminated as a lifeboat user

That leaves Ephemer and Brain, and I still believe that Ephemer will be the final lifeboat user, and for the same reasons as stated in the theory I linked at the start of this section. Not only does Brain have the same facial sprite as Eraqus, but he wields the Master’s Defender which will be later passed down to Eraqus and I believe that this eliminates him as a time traveler, despite the fandom’s popular opinion that it confirms it

Because I don’t believe that Brain is Eraqus’s grandfather, but rather his distant ancestor who inherited the No Name and passed down both Keyblades through the ages

So let’s resolve some plot threads taking everything I’ve stated and linked to above into account

My Big Guess for the KHUx Finale

Ventus will use the fact that Darkness is tied to his heart now to give it a physical, but still mostly amorphous form that he, the Union Leaders, and Player can finally take down. Darkness will be sealed inside Ven’s heart, where it will lie dormant until he reaches the future. Eventually, Xehanort will extract it in the form of Vanitas and it will follow Vanitas’s life cycle, ending in him being reabsorbed into Ven at the end of BBS. Darkness, now back in Ven’s heart, will make brief contact with Sora during the events of Re:Mind

Lauriam, upon learning that the world will be sealed with the use of the lifeboats, will attempt to rescue his partner, Elrena. Both will take lifeboats out of the datascape and into the future, whereupon they will be recruited into Organization XIII by Luxu’s current incarnation, Xigbar, likely to keep an eye on them. I believe there might be a squabble among Ephemer, Skuld, Brain, and Player among who will use the final lifeboats (each person nominating others besides themselves), but ultimately they will settle on Ephemer and Skuld

Skuld will wind up amnesiac in the future Radiant Garden and is discovered by Ansem the Wise and his apprentices and dubbed Subject X. She becomes Xehanort’s favorite test subject due to the similarities in their amnesia and possibly some lingering memories that he has that don’t quite belong to him (KHDR Xehanort certainly seems to want to meet his “old friends” very badly)

Ephemer’s heart will wind up in the Keyblade Graveyard as I mentioned in an old theory, unable to manifest a body due to the lack of a medium present. Through this state of being just a heart (and possibly related to those old talks about him being “unchained”), he will be able to enact the Light of the Past moment from KH3, and may very well be revived for future events in the series

This leaves Brain and Player behind in the datascape. However, you may remember one detail that I brought up, but neglected to fully expand on until now. There is a difference between the Data Pods and the Real Pods. While all of the Real Pods have been used up at the time of my proposed sequence of events, the Data Pods have not been. One was never used, only damaged. This leaves open the possibility that it can also be repaired (Also, I’m just gonna say it. Player’s met someone recently who has a magic hammer that can repair anything... might not come back but also totally could). Brain and Player could then repair the final pod and, in a callback to when Player was sent to Game Central Station, have them both agree once again that Player is the more expendable person in the scenario. Brain will take the repaired pod, leaving no way out of the datascape for anyone else, while Player stays behind to be sealed away for the time being (this could also be a callback to the original KHx, where Player also stayed behind to take part in the war instead of fleeing with the Dandelions, as they refused to leave their party behind)

When Brain escapes, however, he will be met with a Daybreak Town with no Real Pods left, as Luxu used one on the True Dandelion. Now that the seven pods have all been used up and the real Daybreak Town is falling to darkness, Luxu will take a corridor out as the Master instructed, but bring the newly appeared Brain along with him (either that or Brain emerges after Daybreak Town falls, either is possible) and bequeaths the No Name onto him. Brain, stranded in the past while all of his friends have been sent to the future, will be Luxu’s new apprentice and rebuild the fallen Daybreak Town as Scala ad Caelum, then pass down both of his Keyblades: Master’s Defender to his biological descendants, and No Name to his apprentices

As for the Master of Masters? I think he’s already taken an eighth lifeboat (you’ll note that there’s space right in the center of the cluster where one more could theoretically fit) and had done so before the start of the original KHx. He’ll be revived at some point in Xehanort’s young adult life to goad him into his insane plans as seen in Re:Mind, then duck into Quadratum to hang out until the next arc in the franchise, as hinted at with his appearance in the KH3 Secret Movie

(He is most definitely not Sora. He’s clearly bound to the same rules of time travel as everyone else which means that Sora couldn’t go back in time to become him as that would be long before the point in time where Sora was born and that breaks KH time travel rules. Not to mention that the Master talks about Quadratum in this update like he’s never seen it before until it came up in the No Name’s range of vision. Sora is literally in Quadratum right now, he’d definitely know what it was already if he was the Master)

And I do believe that should cover everyone’s whereabouts by the end of the game and into the next arc of Kingdom Hearts with minimal plot holes

This is just my best guess, putting together details that I’ve been accumulating for the past year and a half or so into what sounds like a coherent sequence of events that bridge the gap between KHUx and KH3 and beyond. There may be some details I get wrong, obviously. Nomura has been known to be... unpredictable. But I think, based on the evidence we have at hand, that this is the most logical series of events to end the game on and I’m really interested to see how close this gets to the actual finale we see

[kat-katsuki]

Fast and Slow | Hawks x Reader

Fluff!

Word Count: 1.3k

All the pictures of you and Hawks shared were just blurry after images. The two of you were known as the fastest duo in Japan. Whenever someone mentioned Hawks, they would always talk about you, his only sidekick, as well. Hawks doesn't like sidekicks – rather, he had no use for them. Throughout his hero career he hired and fired multiple sidekicks because none of them could keep up with his speed.

Then you appeared. It was a hot summer day, and all Hawks wanted to do was to hurry up and catch the villain and finish the day off with some ice cream. The villain was fast, he had to admit, but Hawks knew he was faster. He smirked as he glanced back at the heroes who couldn’t keep up. That was when suddenly, something flashed before his eyes.

His eyes widened when he saw the villain spazzing on the ground while you stepped on him with one foot, keeping him against the pavement. He saw sparks of blue electricity flash around you, and he swore for a second your face deformed into a streak of lightning.

"Did you….do that?" he asked. You nodded at him. He couldn’t help but notice how breathtakingly beautiful your eyes were. Your big, round, innocent eyes reminded him of a toddler, and with your blank emotionless expression, he found you adorable. He knew then and there that he had to have you as his sidekick.

You were still a high school third year, interning for another hero during that time, but he quickly offered you a position as his sidekick once you graduate. There was no way you’d turn down the number three hero. Even though you didn’t show it on your face, you were ecstatic.

After graduation, you immediately became his sidekick. Hawks had to admit, you didn’t disappoint as a sidekick. You were lightning itself, whether it was chasing villains or reacting to attacks, you never missed a split second.

However, outside of hero work, you were excruciatingly slow.

"Hey Dove, nice work," he told you when the two of you finished capturing a burglar.

"Thank you, Mr. Hawks." You bowed politely. You weren’t a very expressive person, he learned, and you’re almost always wearing that blank, dazed, almost clueless expression on your face.

"Mr. Hawks?! That makes me sound old, I’m only 22! Just call me Hawks. Puts less of a distance between us," he said as he walked up to you with a grin on his face, physically decreasing the distance between the two of you.

Your brows furrowed lightly as you gave his words some thought. Putting age aside, he technically is your boss. It would be rude to address him without honorifics, but since he insisted, "Okay Hawks."

The corners of his lips tugged upward when his name rolled off your tongue. Your voice was just as enchanting as your eyes. He tilted your chin upward with his index finger, and leaned his face close to yours, eyes half lidded seductively as he tried to lower his tone, and whispered, "Now Dove, why don’t we go back, relax on the couch, watch a movie and eat some chicken to reward ourselves for our…fine work today." Boy does he think he sounded sexy.

"But it’s barely 3 pm," you stated matter-of-factly. "We don’t get off duty until 7."

As your boss, he didn’t hate that part of you, but as a man trying to court you, he really wished you took a hint. From the compliments and the flirty pet names to the lunch and dinner dates, none of them seemed to be getting to you. He honestly started to question what exactly was going through that cute little brain of yours, or if anything went through at all.

In the end, he decided that he should give up on the hints and just ask you out in a straightforward approach. "Goodbye Hawks, have a nice day." It was past 7, and you were going to leave to go home. That was when Hawks pinned you to the wall, preventing you from getting out of the agency. "Hawks?"

"Songbird, will you go out with me?" he asked. He would change up the pet names every day, today was Songbird.

"Go out? Where? To KFC or to Chickenman?" You listed his two places he took you the most often to get chicken.

Hawks slammed his head into the wall beside your face while letting out a loud groan of defeat. As his body pressed against yours, a wave of heat started rushing to your cheeks. To say you didn’t find the bird man attractive would be a total lie, but you naturally had the tendency to take everything literally, and the idea that this handsome, successful young man would be in any way interested in you was absolutely appalling, to the point you never even considered it.

Hawks chuckled softly as he tilted his head and directed his lips to your ears. You could feel his hot breath tickling the inside of your ears and you winced a little at the strange sensation. "Songbird, sometimes I don’t know if you’re doing this on purpose or if you really are that slow," he whispered.

"Um, sir, I whatever I did wrong, I swear it wasn’t on purpose," you apologized as the blush on your face deepened. Hawks’ eyes widened. You were weak against physical contact. Before, he’d get a little bit touchy here and there, but he always made sure he gave you enough personal space. Now, he was practically pressed against you, sandwiching you between his chest and the wall.

Finally getting an expression that’s not a blank stare out of your face, Hawks’ lips curled upward victoriously. He took your hand in his, and interlocked your fingers with his. His golden orbs were locked onto your face, taking in your every movement, from the redness of your cheeks, to the way your eyes darted around, and the way you bit your bottom lip. Oh god, he was having too much fun with this.

"Songbird, you can’t be that clueless. Surely you understand what I mean now," he whispered softly in your ear.

"I-….I uh…" Yes, you finally understood. All the subtle hints and the flirty comments now seemed to click. You felt like someone had put your heart on a train; you could practically hear it slamming against the walls of your chest.

Hawks tilted your chin up. This time he made sure to stick his face so close to you that you could feel him breathing over your lips. "So what do you say? Still thinking about KFC?"

"N-….No…." Your voice cracked as you cowered under him.

"No as in you won’t go out with me or no as in you stopped thinking about chicken?" he chuckled.

"I….I uh… I stopped thinking about chicken."

"So you’ll go out with me?"

"That’s not-" That’s not what you meant, but at this point you honestly don’t want to say no. "I mean….. Yes… I will…"

Hawks finally closed the gap between the two of you. He cupped your cheek with one hand while the other stayed intertwined with yours. You closed your eyes as he gently massaged your lips with his.

KACHAK!

The two of you turn your heads to see a man scurry out of the bushes outside the window. Paparazzi. They had been waiting for something like this. In an instant the two of you were out the door. A blue streak passed by the paparazzi, and next thing he knew you were in front of him. He turned around to see Hawks hovering right before him. You took the camera out of his hand and confiscated the SD card. "Nice work Songbird," Hawks winked.

"Thank you Hawks," this time, you wore a subtle smile, and your cheeks dusted in pink.

Later you and Hawks loaded the pictures from the SD card onto his computer, and for the first time, there was a photo of the two of you that wasn't blurry.  

[gentlemen-of-lies]

Gentlemen of Lies, chapter 4

Who needs to follow the Law(son)?

————

(Beginning)

(Next chapter)

(Previous chapter)

————

“So how did it go?” Asked Owen, the following morning. Curt was sitting with him in a sandwich shop near the hostel. Terrible place, with terrible sandwiches. But the coffee was decent, and it was weirdly full most of the time, which made for a good spot to swap notes.

“I found out which café he goes to after work, so following him will be a piece of cake. We’re already on friendly terms.” Curt took a bite out of a ham and cheese sandwich, a combination so simple he couldn’t believe anyone could screw it up, yet somehow the shop had. And this was their profession. He didn’t take another bite.

“Not bad. Any information?”

“On the first meeting? All I found out was where he worked, and I already knew that.”

“That’s it? How long did you stay with him?” Curt didn’t know how to tell Owen that he’d only stuck around for about ten minutes before rushing off to trail Lawson, so he didn’t.

“Nearly two hours, but the guy’s not a talker, and he was starting to get pissed at me. What did you want me to do, make him suspicious?” Owen scoffed, a usual occurrence when he was around Curt, even when nothing seemed to call for it. He hadn’t ordered anything either, which inexplicably made Curt even more infuriated at him.

“So what’s the plan for the day?” Prompted Curt. Owen leant back in his seat, and pondered for a moment.

“That’s up to you,” he concluded.

“Huh?”

“We’re supposed to be partners. Not teacher and student. You figure it out. If you screw it up, it’s your problem. I’m heading into the agency today for more files on the suspects. You can do whatever you think is best.”

“Oh well... okay then.” This was perfect! Curt now had the free rain to investigate Lawson. He’d been thinking about it all last night, in between sips of stale whiskey. He needed to find away to make proper contact with Lawson, and he couldn’t count on the guy being as talkative as Hayes, because what were the odds of that? So sitting down in front of him in a café may not be his best option. He needed a guaranteed plan to strike up a conversation- maybe even some semblance of a friendship with Lawson.

But for that, he needed more information. So for now, tailing him was all he had.

Lawson had already left for work by the time Curt arrived at his apartment building, which meant he had a good few hours to investigate, and perhaps he could find a way to talk to one of the neighbours, find out any information from them. Either they knew something useful, or they knew nothing- which would add even more suspicion to his growing case.

Curt didn’t want to hang around outside making a plan, in case any residents spotted him, so he ducked into the alleyway to try and figure out how to make contact with the neighbours. He supposed he could pretend to be a police officer, asking around for a case, trying to find witnesses. He didn’t look like a police officer, nor did he have a badge. But if he found someone gullible enough, and told them he was undercover, or off-duty, he might be able to find something out at least. He just had to be careful. No loitering, or messing around. If none of the neighbours accepted his claims of being an officer, he’d have to just walk away without a fuss. If he blew this case while investigating someone he wasn’t supposed to, he’d never hear the end of it.

He neatened himself up, and exited the alleyway, making his way up the front steps of the apartment building. He looked at the little metal plaques on the side of the building, trying to work out from name which neighbour might help him. On the first floor lived a couple, the plaque simply said “The Davidsons”. Couples were usually helpful. Even if one wasn’t, the other tended to be. Better if they had a child; if they thought a crime had been committed they’d be eager to help for their own safety. Curt rang the doorbell next to their name, and waited for a few moments. The front door of the building soon clicked open, and a young woman appeared, a baby sitting sitting on her lap, looking up at Curt curiously.

“Hello?” She said.

“Morning. Sorry to bother you,” began Curt, reverting to his British accent. “I’m from the police force, investigating a crime, and I just wanted to ask around the area for any witnesses or evidence. Standard procedure, nothing to worry about ma’am.” By this point, Curt was winging it with his dialogue. But he wasn’t bad at bluffing his way through acts.

“You don’t look like a police officer,” observed the woman, rather predictably.

“No, I’m technically off-duty. But the sooner this case gets solved the better.”

“What’s the case?”

“Just a burglary, up the street from here. I wanted to know if you’ve seen anyone or anything suspicious.”

“No, nothing. I haven’t heard of any burglary...” Shit. Maybe burglary wasn’t a good option. People talked, neighbours talked. Of course this lady would know about a burglary in the area.

“Well, oddly enough nothing was taken. Just a broken window. It may not even have been a burglary. I expect the owners didn’t feel the need to say anything. They’re in the building four doors down from the alleyway. Flat 1?”

“Oh, right. Mr Harris. He’s old. Reclusive. No wonder he didn’t say anything.” Curt silently breathed a sigh of relief, disbelieving of his own luck.

“Yes, exactly. And you definitely didn’t see anything?”

“Not that I remember. When was the incident?”

“Late evening last Tuesday. Around nine thirty?”

“No, my husband and I were out at a show, we left the kids with a babysitter. I can always call her if you want, she might have seen something.” Ah jeez... it’d be weird for him to say no, but Curt was starting to dig himself into a hole.

“Of course, why don’t you write down her contact details, I can reach her later.”

“I’ll go and grab a pen, if you give me five minutes-”

“Actually, before you do that,” interjected Curt, really not wanting to stand outside for five minutes with no more information than he had started with. “Would any of your other neighbours know anything do you think?”

“I mean, you can certainly ask, but I know Gerald was away on Tuesday, he lives in flat 2A just upstairs.” Flat 2A? Well this was perfect. Not only did he have the name of Lawson’s direct neighbour, but he also had an opportunity to bring up Lawson in the first place.

“What about flat 2B? I noticed it wasn’t listed on the building?”

“Oh, no one really knows the man who lives there. His name’s John I think. Forgot his surname. Lives alone. He doesn’t talk to us much, smiles on his way out to work though, so I suppose he’s a nice bloke.”

“Was he out on Tuesday?”

“Lord knows, probably. He’s out a lot. He’s out right now actually, but then so is most people, come back later and you can talk to him.” Curt didn’t want Lawson seeing him, at least not yet. It was too risky. But he’d definitely be back, perhaps to talk with Gerald, whoever that was. But he still had to deal with his duty of tailing Hayes, and hopefully shaking off Owen for long enough as well.

Curt waited out the rest of the hours in the café that Hayes went to after work, since it was fairly near to Lawson’s building. And the sandwiches here were much better, with bread that didn’t taste like a sponge, and ham and cheese that didn’t share a concerning likeness to plastic.

The sun grew higher in the sky, and Curt wondered what Owen was doing right now. The man didn’t seem to be very involved in the case, leaving everything up to him. Perhaps he’d been instructed to stay out of it as much as possible, so Curt could gain “experience”. But whether the explanation was a mark on his competence or not, Curt didn’t care, since he was certain the case would go much quicker without Owen telling him what he could and couldn’t do.

The bell near the door tinkled and Curt looked up absent-mindedly. Hayes had just walked in, which was a surprise. Curt glanced at his watch. It was already going on five...? He’d barely noticed.

He waved Hayes over.

“Howdy,” he greeted. Howdy? Going too far, Curt, you’re not a cowboy.

“Hello. I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.” Hayes sat down opposite, depositing his briefcase on the floor.

“Well, I was just passing, thought I’d stop in for a coffee.” Curt was already itching to go back to Lawson’s building. If he made an excuse now, he could easily leave. Say he had a deadline to meet, writing stuff. Really musn’t stay.

“This is great, you can tell me all about America. You know I really am interested, i’ve only ever been around Europe, never to the States, at least not yet. So I don’t know much-” jeez this guy really was a talker. He actually wanted to know about America? That was just something Curt had said to be polite, to say when he had nothing else to say. He wasn’t a teacher and this wasn’t a lesson.

But Hayes was still a suspect. Which meant Curt couldn’t blow him off, leave him disappointed and risk him not opening up again. Besides, he suddenly thought. This guy worked in the same building as Lawson. Perhaps the two knew each other. Of course, Curt couldn’t bring Lawson up; he was supposed to be a travel writer from America. How would he know Lawson? But it was still in his best interest to keep Hayes on good terms.

So Curt ended up sitting in that damn café, getting through two cups of coffees and a bagel, talking all about his life in America, to a guy who simply would not lose any sign of his curiosity.

He supposed it was nice in a way, almost like a break from work and just talking about life before he became a spy. But Lawson was on the back of his mind the entire time, so he couldn’t help but feel very restless, and by the end of the conversation, he was almost exhausted from talking. Along with being chatty, Hayes also asked question after question. It was like dealing with a toddler. A balding toddler with a suit and briefcase.

By the time the clock reached six, Curt decided that he simply couldn’t stick around. He’d said enough. Excusing himself would no longer be impolite.

“This has been great, but I really have to get back to my hostel. It has a curfew you see.” Technically the curfew was at ten, which still gave Curt plenty of time, but Hayes didn’t need to know that.

“Oh of course! I’m sorry if I’ve been so persistent.” Curt brushed his apology off with a wave of his hand.

“Not at all, it was nice.”

“It was! I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.” Hayes was a sweet guy. If he did turn out to be the mole, Curt would genuinely be disappointed. But then maybe that was a red flag. Perhaps he was too nice.

“Sure thing. I’ll be seeing you.” Curt stood up, placed a handful of coins on the table for the waiter, and finally left the shop, the sun already starting to set.

Now for Lawson. If Owen wasn’t so stubborn, surely Curt should be praised for his dedication. Two suspects in one day. Not bad.

[nothingeverlost]

The Most Brilliant Idea, or how Sirius Black Accidentally became a Romance Novelist (HP, Wolfstar)

In which Sirius has a Brilliant Idea, Remus is gainfully employed, James is clueless and Lily is always right.

Unmitigated fluff with minor references to the first war, AU because James and Lily didn’t die.

II

It started with the classified, the first bit of proof that everything that happened was really Moony’s fault.  There was always a classified ad in the kitchen, even when Moony was working, part of his optimistic opinion that any job could and would end.  The classified ads were always marked in pen, and one could tell just how Remus thought his prospects fared based on how he’d marked a job.  Some were viciously scratched out (potions expert and anything with ‘night shift’ in the description) some were circled multiple times (he usually came away dejected from those interviews, things he actually wanted but rarely got) some had question marks and some had a single bold circle.  It was the single circle ones that were the best prospects.

On this particular Tuesday morning while Sirius drank his tea and dripped jelly on a story about Minister Fudge’s election, the only ad that was circled was one looking for a book editor.  It was commission work, the sort of things Moony did from home sometimes.  It suited him, both because he was such a stickler for commas and spelling and because the flexibility meant that moons didn’t present a problem. The only downside was that it was sporadic work, a book at a time, and didn’t bring in enough income to make Moony feel like he was Contributing to Household Things.  Sirius always rolled his eyes.  Moony was the most stubborn person he knew.

It was then that he had his Most Brilliant Idea.  What Remus needed was a constant stream of editing.  Someone who would keep him employed on a regular basis with things a lot more interesting than editing a technical manual on the care and keeping of flobberworms.

“Lily I need to borrow some books.”  When someone had a Brilliant Idea they had to start right away, so his first action was to floo to the Potter home.  He was distracted for half an hour by Harry who insisted on a hippogriff ride and a sword fight, and he wouldn’t be a proper godfather if he said no to either, but after that it was strictly business.

“The only books we have here that you don’t have are meant for a three year old.  You and Remus had quite the library between you,” Lily replied after telling both him and Harry they could only have two biscuits.  Sirius took a third, but split it in half so it didn’t count.  After all, two and a half was practically the same as two.

“Not true.  Moony and I don’t have any of those girly books,” he said with his half a biscuit in his mouth.

“You want to borrow my romance novels?” Lily asked, puzzled.  “I don’t know who you’re trying to date, Sirius Black, but romance novels aren’t actually meant to be used that way.”

“Like I need help,” Sirius said with an eye roll.  Sure, it had been a while since he dated but that was totally his choice.  He had a lot on his plate right now with a godson that needed his attention and Moony needing looking after and his three days a week working for Quality Quidditch Supplies.  “They’re for Moony.”

“Somehow I doubt he knows that.”  Lily rolled her eyes right back at him.  “Take as many as you like, and don’t worry about when you get them back.  It’s not like I have much time for reading when I have three boys to look after.”

“Something you want to tell me, Lils?”  He looked at her stomach pointedly and wondered if they were really ready for another Prongslet.

“Yeah.  You and James are more work than Harry and he has the excuse of being three.”  But she gave him a bag for the books and sent him home with a plate of biscuits, warning him that she would tell Remus that she’d sent them so not to eat them all in one go.  It was like she didn’t trust him or something.

Once he had the books stage one of The Plan could begin.  He’d read a few of the romance novels when he was bored and they seemed like the easiest book to write.  Certainly they weren’t anything Moony read so he could borrow a bit from others and no one important would be any the wiser.  Over the next few days he spent most of the time Moony wasn’t around reading, stashing the books in the closet so they wouldn’t be seen in case Remus came in his room for late night chats or early morning bed sharing.  It was a habit that they’d never quite left behind in school, especially when either of them had a nightmare.  With the war almost two years gone the nightmares weren’t as frequent but they were always a good excuse if he needed company.

Stage Two of The Plan had a few false starts, as writing a book proved to be a little trickier than he figured, considering how many books he’d read.  Finally though after twenty-six days he had a story written.  The pining of Sigmund G Toadsnatch for Anastasia Flower ended in a passionate snog and a happily ever after.  It was time for Stage Three.

“I need your help.”  The moment Moony was gone for the day he popped around to the Potter home again, this time with manuscript in hand.

“Harry managed to get jam in his hair at breakfast and I have to give him a bath.  Can it wait?”  Her arms were full of a squirming toddler, anxious to greet his ‘Padfoo.’

“I’ll give him a bath,” he offered.

“The last time that happened you flooded the bathroom and transfigured the soap into a boat.”  She carried Harry up the stairs.  Sirius followed.

“He came out clean, though.  Mostly.”  He might have missed a few spots, but no one was perfect and there had been an important battle with a giant squid that looked a lot like Harry’s toes to wage.  “I need to know if you have any friends that have girly writing and want to earn a few quid.”  He plopped himself on the edge of the tub after stowing his manuscript on higher ground.  

“You need what?”  it was really quite impressive how she managed to run the bath, undress Harry, and listen to him.

“Alright, so this is the part where I have to swear you to absolute secrecy.  Unbreakable vow kind of stuff.  You can’t tell anyone what I am about to tell you, not even James.”

“You know James and I don’t keep secrets.”

“It’s not a big secret, just a little baby one.  The more people who know the more likely it is that Remus will know that people are keeping something from him and then the whole thing will be ruined.”  Besides Prongs would never let him hear the end of it if he knew what Sirius was doing.

“I will consider not telling him, once I know.  That’s the best I can promise.”

“I guess that will have to do.”  He was certain she’d see reason, or more importantly his side of things.  “Now about your friends.”

“Do I even want to know what girly writing means?”

“You know what I mean.  When you pick up something and you know a girl wrote it because there’s little hearts above the I’s and the ink changes color.”  Not that Lily had ever done things like that.  Her writing was perfectly sensible, not that it mattered.  Moony would recognize her handwriting.

“Your handwriting is pretty fancy, with all those loops and the illustrations in the margins.”  Lily made a few loops of her own, sending bubbled cascading into the tub to entertain Harry.

“One of the many skills a pureblood snob is required to learn, according to my dear old mum.  Trust me I’ve tried mimicking James but it’s useless.”  James wrote in a barely legible scrawl that only those with practice could read.  Sirius envied him, though it had led to an accident or two over the years especially in potions and what time they were supposed to meet.  “But it doesn’t matter, Moony knows my handwriting and that’s the whole point.  I need someone to copy over my writing so he doesn’t know it’s me.”

“I think I need more focus and perhaps something to drink.  Hold on a minute, will you?”  Lily finished up Harry’s bath, keeping him long enough to dry his hair but giving up when he decided to squirm out of her hold and run away without his togs on.  She shrugged.  “Won’t hurt him to air dry.”

“James said the same thing once.  It works better in a warm house and when you’re three, rather than when you’re thirteen and it’s snowing out.”  He’d won the dare, though, and claimed it was worth it.

“Yeah, I remember that.  Thought he was mental then.  Now I know he is.”  Lily headed for the kitchen and started a pot of tea brewing.  “Now please tell me you’re not trying to get me to help you prank Remus.  You know my rules.”

“It’s not a prank.  It’s a Brilliant Idea to help Moony.  You’re going to love it.”  He couldn't hold it in anymore.  “I’vewrittenabook.”

“Excuse me?”

“A book.  I’ve written one and I’m going to send it to Moony to edit it, and then I’m going to pay him.  But he’s not going to know it’s me so he’s going to accept the money without being his stubborn prideful self.  When he’s done I’ll have another story ready and then he’ll be gainfully employed and happy and he won’t have to worry about what happens to his job when there’s a moon.  Brilliant, right?”

“I’m still on the bit where you wrote a book.”  Lily poured the tea and set a slice of quiche on a plate for Sirius.  The spinach was in small enough bits that it didn’t actually look like a vegetable and he might not notice that under all the cheese he’d actually eaten something green.

“It’s not hard.  I read the books you had and I wrote something like it.  Boy meets girl.  One of them annoys the other.  There’s secret longing and someone trying to keep them apart and then they snog and everyone’s happy except the evil bloke who ends up in a cellar or something.”  He shrugged and ate the food Lily had given him without much thought.  He’d been so excited about the next stage that he hadn’t bothered with breakfast.  “The book’s not really the important part, though, and there have to be bits to fix or else Moony won’t have anything to do.  What’s important is that Moony doesn’t know it’s me.  I have to rent an owl once it’s ready and send him a letter about a job.  I have a name picked out already.  Marmaduke Gaylord from Gaylord’s Romantic Press.”

“I don’t know why anything you come up with should surprise me anymore, Sirius Black.  It’s completely bonkers and there’s probably fifteen different ways it could go wrong.”  Lily reached across the table and covered one of his hands with her own.  “It’s also unfailingly kind and possibly crazy enough to work.”

“Of course it will work.”  Any doubts he’d had he’d buried down deep enough that he wouldn’t have to worry about them for a while at least.  Probably not until the whole thing exploded in a very Sirius-like fashion.  

As it turned out Lily did have a friend that could use a little spending money and had hand writing that, while not containing any hearts, was feminine enough to satisfy Sirius and more importantly wouldn’t be recognized by Remus.  She rewrote the manuscript in her own handwriting.  Sirius borrowed a typewriter from Arthur Weasley to make an official looking offer from the Gaylord Romance Publishers.

Stage Four was well timed, as Moony’s job in a muggle bookstore ended that week after the third time he’d had to miss work the morning after a full moon with no explanation.  Sirius had made sure he was tucked into bed with a water bottle and a cup of tea with a warming charm that would last at least an hour, then nipped over to Diagon Alley to rent an owl for a single trip.  The offer letter and manuscript were bound together. For an added bit of cleverness he’d asked the clerk to delay the delivery until afternoon so that Sirius could be home when the owl arrived.

“What could be so important about a romance novel that they’d be willing to pay this much?”  By afternoon Moony was feeling well enough to be on the sofa instead of in bed.  Sirius glanced at the letter Remus handed him and shrugged. 

“Dunno, mate.  Guess there’s enough people reading them to make it worth their while.  The girls at school all read them.  Tripped over them all the time in the common room.”

“They’d be better off reading Austen,” Remus groused but he was also quick enough to send off an acceptance letter with the owl.  Sirius had a plan for that as well, and a newly rented owl post box.

“I’ll give you some quiet to work.”  Sirius locked himself in his room, using the time to start his second novel, the story of five sisters all sorted into the same house  and the rich pureblood transfer student who seemed rude but was secretly shy.  The prat’s best friend was cheerful and had a crush on the main character’s sister.

“Comma,” was the comment he heard the most from the other room.  ‘Why’ and ‘bloody hell’ and ‘you can’t do that to the English language’ were also common exclamations.

“Sounds like it’s going well,” Sirius said when his stomach was too loud to ignore.  

“It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read and the romance is dreadful but there are some bits that are hilarious, actually.  Don’t know their goal but as a satire it’s not bad.”  The stack of papers in front of him was all marked up in red ink worse than the first essay he’d ever written for McGonagall.

“I thought romances were supposed to be all sappy.”  His main character had declared his love seventeen times.  That was what girls wanted, wasn’t it?

“Fortunately I’m only supposed to edit the grammar and not the sap.  I’m over my head on that sort of thing.  Imelda Carson seventh year said I was the most unromantic boy she’d even snogged.”

“Imelda Carson is an idiot who is now breeding pink pygmy puffs and is completely single because no bloke was romantic enough for her.  Besides you don’t like girls, remember?”

“I like girls just fine.  I just don’t want to snog any of them or…”

“Smash your bits together?”  Sirius offered.

“Yeah, exactly what I was going to say,” Remus said dryly.  “I’m starved and close to going cross eyed from this editing.  Whose turn for dinner?”

“I’ll start some steaks.”  Sirius danced towards the kitchen.  The Plan was going perfectly.

II

It seemed silly, really, to have a wonderfully written and perfectly edited novel and not do anything with it.  The original plan didn’t take into account anything outside of making sure that Remus was employed, but when Sirius collected the edited manuscript from the owl post it seemed a waste to just throw it away or lock it up somewhere.

“I need a name.”  It was just before lunch when he flooed to Godric Hollow, finding Harry just up from his nap and more than excited to use uncle Padfoot as a climbing toy.  

“You know some people do give a little notice instead of barging in all the time.  There’s a lovely front door on this house I don’t think you’ve seen in two years.”  Lily winced when Harry’s foot found a foothold on Sirius’s crotch, but really the man deserved it.

“Other people aren’t nearly as entertaining as me.”  Sirius winced as well and moved Harry’s foot a little higher, regretting it when the lad’s next handhold was his ear.  “Now about that nom de plume.”

“I thought you were only writing so Remus could have an editing job?”

“Yes, but that’s no reason not to share my genius with the world.”  He waved his manuscript over his head.  

“How many times did Remus threaten to throw up while reading this drivel?”

“Only once but he edited that bit out.  Not even I can be perfect my first time out.”  Lily, of course, rolled her eyes for approximately the 42,596th time since she’d first met Sirius.

“If you’re serious about this we should do it properly.  No more ridiculous names.”

“I’m always Sirius.”  He couldn’t resist.  After all the joke never got old, no matter how many times Lily groaned.  “Too bad I can’t use my name.  Imagine how dear old mum would roll over in her grave if she knew the sacred Black name was attached to a romance novel.”

“Sirius.”

“You’re right, Lils.  If she got too excited she might reanimate and the world is not ready for zombie Walburga.”  He shuddered dramatically at the thought, making Harry, now perched on his shoulders, laugh and say ‘again.’  Of course he obliged.

“Leave it with me and I’ll sort it out.  I’ll have Molly redo a clean copy and send it off to Mary who’s a junior editor and a publisher.  We’ll see what happens, alright?”

“This is why I love you, Red.”  Sirius gave her a kiss on the cheek and handed her the manuscript so he could get down to what was really important; teaching his godson how to make bubbles in his milk.

II

Three months later Phaedra White was a published author.  Sure, there wasn’t an enormous amount of money in a single book, but it was more than what he’d spent to pay Molly and Remus so it seemed profitable enough, and he was more excited than he’d expected to see it on the shelves of the bookstore..

In the next year ‘Phaedra’ wrote nine more books.  More importantly with actual connections in the publishing world he was able to recommend Moony’s services to other authors, to the point that he began to worry that if Remus had too much work he might turn down the requests from Marmaduke Gaylord to edit Phaedra’s books.

“Get the bucket, Pads, I’m going to be ill.  This is the worst thing I've ever read.  Not only do I want to vomit but I think my eyes are bleeding.”

“It can’t be that bad.”  His own book had arrived that morning but Sirius hadn’t known that Remus had started on it already.

“I don’t know how Gilderoy Lockheart got my name but I’m never editing a book for him again.  Not only is it nonsense that clearly didn’t actually happen, but it’s badly written as well.”  It was hard to tell from Moony’s tone what offended him more, but it was probably the bad writing.

“Wasn’t there a Lockheart a few years behind us in school?  A gormless little thing that spent more time on his hair than anything else?”  They didn’t usually pay much attention to Ravenclaws, but if he remembered correctly the boy had annoyed them enough that they’d pranked his hair blue once.

“That’s the one.  What he knows about defense against the Dark Arts would fit in my little finger.”  Remus pushed the manuscript away.  “I can’t even look at this again until I have some chocolate.”

“I picked up a new stock from Honeydukes when I was at Diagon.”  Rule number one for the care and keeping of your Moony was to always have a supply of chocolate on hand.  “Why don’t you grab a bar and we’ll go out for a walk.  It’s beautiful outside.”

“What would I do without you, Pads?  Why don’t we pick up some curry while we’re out, my treat?”  It was a plan, and they left the house shoulder to shoulder.  Later that evening after he’d eaten Remus returned to his work.  Sirius found him laughing, his shoulders relaxed, and not a single bucket around.

“Back at the Lockheart?”  he asked.

“No, I’ve given myself a respite and picked up the latest White novel.  You know this bloke is improving.  It’s really kind of nice to see the balance of romance and friendship in here.  Less sap and more affectionate teasing.”

“I thought that romance writer you edit for was a woman?”  Sirius held his breath for a moment.  Did Moony Know?  He couldn’t possibly.  

“I’m sure that’s what they want people to think, probably because most romance novels are written by women and I’d imagine they sell better.  But I’m practically certain this is a bloke writing this.  If the book centered around a flying motorcycle didn’t tip me off, the fact that the details about female anatomy are more vague than the male anatomy seems quite a clue.”  Remus shrugged.  “I don’t suppose it really matters, though.”

“No, I don’t suppose it does,” Sirius agreed.

II

“I need help.”  The next morning Sirius showed up at the Potter house in the middle of breakfast, not knowing what time it was.  James was still home, which was not the most favorable thing that could have happened.

“Help with what?” Prongs asked as he broke a banana into pieces for Harry.

“Nothing at all,” Sirius lied.  “Just a question for Lils about a girl thing.”

“Dating someone you haven’t mentioned to us yet?”  James cocked his head to the side.  “It’s been a while since you’ve mentioned anyone.”

“Yeah, well it gets to be all the same after a while, doesn’t it?”  Truth was he hadn’t had a date in ages.  His free time was taken up with writing, and the rest of the time he was with Remus, or Prongs and his family or both.  Lily had them over to dinner once a week at least, somehow thinking they couldn't take care of themselves properly.  His social life worked out pretty well, except for the lack of shagging.  He did miss that sometimes, but not enough to bother with finding a date.

“Not when you marry the love of your life and the most perfect person in the world.”  James, of course, couldn’t help looking at his wife.  Sirius was torn between wanting to gag and feeling a tight ball in the pit of his stomach that he’d never felt before.

“It’s been six years since you married her, Prongs.  You are going to be a little less sappy at some point, aren’t you?”  Of course considering how close they’d come to losing each other it was understandable.  And Sirius was happy for them, but as a sibling it was his job to raz James as much as possible.

“If you don’t like it you do know where the fireplace is, Sirius.”  Lily was careful when she stood up, her belly now heavily swollen.  Potter number four was due in less than a month.  “Come on, you can wash up dishes for me while you tell me what you need.”

Dutifully he followed her, ignoring Prongs’ questioning look.  When the water was running he looked around to make sure they weren’t followed.  “I need to know more about girls.”

“Excuse me?”

“Moony’s figured out that Phaedra White is a bloke.  Says there’s not much detail about women’s bits and things in there and that it sounds more like a bloke or something.  I don’t know.  My first thought was that I could use some polyjuice and spend an hour as a woman but that’s a month of work just to make the potion plus it tastes disgusting.”

“I’m not going to ask why you know what polyjuice tastes like.  I don’t want to know who you were or when or if my husband was involved.”  Lily rubbed her stomach absently.  “Your books are selling surprisingly well, I wouldn’t change things now.  Besides you should know at least the basics about women.”

“I know that their breasts are nice and soft, most of them like to snog, and redheads have very good aim.”  Or maybe it was just one specific redhead, who proved his point by throwing a spoon at the back of his head.

“Obviously rumors at school had to be taken with quite a few grains of salt and I know some girls exaggerated because it was good for their reputations for it to be known that they snogged the ‘great’ Sirius Black”  Lily’s voice was dripping with sarcasm and she stuck out her tongue for good measure.  “But you did date a fair bit, and I myself witnessed at least some snogging.  Are you saying you never…”

“Did the no pants dance?  Nah, girls are nice for kissing and easier for dating but for the whole naked tango I prefer a blokes ‘bits.’”  

“Huh.  I was dead certain about you and that Hufflepuff in sixth year.”  Lily shook her head, bemused.  It wasn’t like Sirius had ever hidden the fact that he liked boys as well as girls.  “But if you’re here to ask me about my ‘bits’ that’s where I draw the line.  We’re close, Sirius, but not that close.”

“You are the best sister a bloke could ever hope for, Lil my love, and as such that is a completely disgusting idea that I would never suggest.  I was thinking you might have a friend.”

“I am not pimping out my friends to you, brother dear.”

“You try to set up Remus sometimes.”  And somehow each time Remus came down sick and couldn’t come to dinner.  

“I worry about Remus being alone.  Do you know when he last went on a date?”

“Sometimes in the seventies, probably, and he’s not alone, he has me.  What could be less lonely then having me as a roommate?”  Other than a bit of time during the war he and Remus had lived together since leaving Hogwarts.  It worked well for them both, and honestly the idea of Remus dating made his left shoulder blade go all tense.  They took turns making dinner and washing up, cleaned the flat together on Mondays and read out bits of their books to each other as they shared a sofa in the evening.  If Remus was spending his time with someone else there would be less of the enigmatic little half smile that made his day better.  And at some point Moony would have to share his furry little secret and what if they took it badly and hurt him?  Or worse, spread it about?  Sirius would have to kill them and then he’d go to Azkaban and then Remus really would be alone.  It would be a disaster.

“Sirius have you ever considered…”  Lily stopped, wincing a little and struggling to pull herself up.  “This little one has great aim and likes to kick mummy’s bladder.  You’ll have to excuse us, Sirius.  And find your own dates.”

II

He did find his own dates.  Three of them, in the next month, and twice with the girl from the local coffee shop.  And though the snogging was nice he just couldn’t get interested enough in taking it farther, not even in the name of research.  Sighing he decided he was just going to have to keep doing what he was doing.  Besides, having Moony suspect that a romance novelist was a man was a far sight from having him suspect that it was the man he lived with so he was still safe enough.  After all who in their right mind would think that Sirius Black was writing romance novels?

When he got home from his last date he found a note stuck to his door in Moony’s careful hand.  The word ‘St Mungo’s’ might have worried him if not for the ‘Baby Potter on the way’ underneath.  He took a minute to change into something more comfortable, remembering that Harry had taken hours to arrive, and apparated to the maternity ward.

“You brought work with you?”  Remus was already there, sitting in the waiting room with a quill in one hand and a stack of pages on his lap.

“You know how long Harry took to make an appearance.  Might as well pass the time in a useful manner.”  Remus looked up at him, head cocked to the side.  “How was the date?”

“Bit boring, to be honest.  I think I’m out of practice.”  Dating used to be more interesting, but halfway through he’d found himself wishing that he was on the sofa throwing popcorn at Remus and asking about his latest book.  The editing of the Lockhart book and its ridiculous lies was keeping him well entertained.  “Speaking of the sprog, where is my favorite godson?”

“Lily’s friend Molly has him.  The one will all the redhead kids, you remember?”

“Yeah.”  Molly happened to be the friend that rewrote everything he wrote.  No reason for that to make him nervous, though.  “She was Gid and Fab’s big sister.”

“Yeah, she was.”  It was never easy to think of the casualties of the war so Sirius tried not to think of them, not even the ones with hair and hearts like fire who he’d shagged once.  Gideon had been one of his first crushes in school, and a compatriot in war.

“What are we working on tonight?”  Sirius tried to take a look at his papers.  “Anything good?”

“Something very frustrating, at the moment.  The latest Phaedra White.”

“I thought you said her books were getting better.  Seemed to me you quite enjoyed the last one.”  He took great pride in the fact that he’d made Moony laugh more than once, and that it came back with hardly any notes other than the usual missing commas and split infinitives.  The ending, Moony had declared, was only as sappy as was  necessary for that sort of story and not bad at all.

“It’s stupid.  I’m just the editor, there’s no reason for the direction of the plot to bother me so much.”  Sighing, Remus put the quill down.  

“I’m sure the author is grateful for your notes.  You said she’s listened to them before, hasn’t she?”  Of course he knew the answer.   He’d written three thank you notes for changes the Remus had suggested, and every time Remus had been right.  Merlin’s pants, Phaedra White was actually making best seller lists and had been mentioned in Witches Weekly twice, and Sirius wasn’t too full of himself to know how big a part Moony played in that.  His publisher was trying to make him do a book signing at Flourish and Blotts, and didn’t understand why he kept saying no to the publicity.  

“This isn’t the same situation.  It’s not a small change to a scene, it’s the whole romance that feels wrong.”

“You read me a bit the other night, between the bloke and his best mate that made you laugh.”  He’d found the byplay between his main character and his friend to be the most fun part of the book to write.

“That’s the whole problem.  Byron and George have this great relationship.  The scene where George is trying to convince Byron to go on the date feels almost like…”

“Like what?”  There were times that Sirius totally wished he could talk through scenes with Remus while he was writing.  He’d had to bite his tongue more than once when he remembered that he hadn’t sent a story to Moony to edit yet.

“Like he was trying to cover his own feelings for his friend.  The chemistry between the two blokes is more natural and interesting then the bits with Byron and Melody.”  Remus picked up his quill again.  “Now you see why I can’t write that suggestion. I’m not about to tell someone to trash half their story and turn it into a gay romance.”

“Moony, w-”

“She’s here.”  The door to the waiting room crashed open and Prongs came running out, tripping over his feet in his hurry.  “I’m a dad.”

“You’ve been a dad for almost five years, Prongs,” Sirius couldn’t help but tease him.  

“But never to a girl.”  It was funny how big Prongs’ eyes could get.  “Merlin’s elbow, I have a daughter.”

“Most of the bits are the same, mate.  You’ll be alright.”  Remus shoved his papers and quill into a bag and took out a flask.  “I think this calls for a drink.  Not too much, or Lily will kill us all, but just to celebrate.”

“You think of everything, Moons.”  Sirius shouldn’t have been surprised, it was very like Remus, but there was something about drinking out of the flask immediately after Moony’s lips had touched it that felt different.

“You’re brilliant, both of you.  In a minute we can all go in and you can meet my daughter.”

“Poor Lils, she’s got three kids on her hands now.”  Sirius pointed to the dopey looking expression on Prongs’ face.

“I think you mean four kid, Pads.  After all she has to deal with you as well.”

II

“Her name is Olivia Marlene.”  Lily had that exhausted but happy glow of a new mother when they were let in to see her.  The baby she held looked pretty much the same as Harry the first time they’d seen him, the dark hair on the top of her head and the splotchy looking face.  

“It’s a good name.  Strong.”  Moony nodded solemnly.  “Marlene would have been proud.”

“Marlene would have rolled her eyes and called me daff,” Lily said with only a hint of moisture in her own eyes.  “But if my daughter is half as fierce she’ll be able to do anything.”

“Moony, ready to say hello?”  James took his daughter from Lily and held her close to his chest.

“Let Sirius go first, I’ll hold her in a minute.”  Sirius had been the first five years ago, when Harry had been born.

“Sirius will have his turn but it should be her godfather first, Remus.”  When Lily spoke Sirius had the good fortune to be looking at Remus.  The look on his face and the way his knees buckled were priceless.

“Alright there mate?”  Sirius caught him around the waist and helped him to stand up again.  “Welcome to the club, by the way.”

“So will you, Moony?” James looked at him expectantly.

“I think you’re mental to ask me.”  But Remus carefully took the baby and held her, touching her cheek with a single finger.  Sirius felt for a moment like he’s turned into liquid marshmallow, watching the two of them.

“Welcome to the world, Olivia Potter,” Remus said softly.

It was in that moment that Sirius Black, author of almost seventeen romance novels, realized that he was in love with his best friend.

II

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave the country.”  Somehow Sirius made it through the next week.  He wasn’t sure how but it seemed only fair to give Lily a bit of recovery time before bothering her.  A week was as long as he could wait, though, and on the eighth day he flooed over.  

“That’s a bit of a dramatic reaction to not being chosen as godfather for our Olivia.”  

“What?  No, of course you should have gone with Moony.  Brilliant choice.  Probably should have picked him for Harry, bit of an unfair advantage Olivia has.”  Sirius flopped down on the armchair across from Lily.  “Where are the sprogs, by the way?”

“Baby’s sleeping.  Harry and James are at the park so Harry can run off some energy.”

“Prongs is probably the one that needs to run off the energy.  He’s walking on clouds, that one.  Reminds me of the week after you finally said yes to a date.”  Sirius was pretty sure James hadn’t slept for two days straight.  For a week he also hadn’t shut up, even when he did finally sleep.  He’d been well stuck on Lily long before they’d dated.  Sirius finally had an idea of what that was like.

“Probably.  Now tell me what you’re running from.”  Lily put on her best getting-ready-to-mock-you expression.

“Nothing really, only the most stupid thing I’ve probably ever done.”

“I’ve seen some of the stupidest things you’ve done, Sirius.  Many of them.  Unless you’re going to tell me you have to flee the country because aurors are after you I very much doubt it’s as bad as you think.”

“I’vefalleninlovewithMoony.”

“I’m going to need you to actually take a breath at some point, sweetie.  You’re going to turn purple if you don’t and then I’m going to have to explain to James and Harry why you’ve passed out on the floor.”  Lily patted the empty seat on the sofa next to her.  “Now come over here, take a breath, and tell me again what you said.”

Sirius, erring on the side of caution, took three breaths, decided that wasn’t enough, and took three more.  “I’ve fallen in love with Moony.”

“Now there, wasn’t that easier to say the second time?”

“You knew perfectly well what I said.”  Sirius narrowed his eyes.  “You tricked me.”

“Only for your own good.”  She leaned in and wrapped her arms around him.  “I know this bit is scary but you’re going to get through it and you’re going to do it without fleeing the country.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said?”  Maybe having a baby did something odd to your ears.  

“You’ve finally figured out that you’re in love with Remus.”

“Finally?”  Sirius stared at her.  

“Finally,” she confirmed.  “Other than this month because of your crazy idea about your books, when was the last time you dated?”

“Dunno.  That carpenter maybe?”  Sirius had wanted to find out just what else he could do with his hands.  The answer was quite a bit.  Unfortunately not so much in the brain department and even less in the sense of humor department.

“That was three years ago.  What is Remus’s favorite dinner?”

“Steak with mashed potatoes and lots of gravy, popovers, peas.”  It was a meal he liked to make a day or two before a full moon when Moony was feeling a bit low.

“And for dessert?”

“Chocolate, of course.  I found a chocolate fondant recipe the other day I thought I might try.”  Moony was happy to have a chocolate bar but Sirius liked to find new desserts to try.  Moony was always pleased when there was a new dessert.

“Who is the first person you see on Christmas morning and whose present do you spend the most time picking out?”

“Moony, of course.  We live together.”  Last year Moony had put a ridiculous ten galleon restriction on gifts, insisting he didn’t need anything extravagant.  His silly Moony hadn’t thought to specify that it was only a single gift, though.  Sirius had brought thirteen, but they were all under ten galleons each.

“And when you’ve had a really shitty day who is the first person you seek out?”

“Moony.”

“And when something wonderful happens who is the first person you want to tell?”

“Moony.”

“Are we seeing a pattern yet?  And before you tell me it’s just being friends let me remind you that you have created a whole career for yourself solely because you wanted to make sure that Remus had work that he could take pride in.  The entire existence of Phaedra White is basically one really long love letter, which is a bit over the top even for you.”

“I’ve been in love with Moony this whole time?”  It didn’t feel wrong when he said it.  Maybe later he’d be able to look back and figure out when exactly it all started, but for now it seemed to be enough that it was true.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were always going to figure it out in your own time.  I couldn’t make you go any faster and risk it not happening at all.”  Lily kissed his cheek.  “If I’d said yes to James in third or fourth year maybe we would still be where we are.  Or maybe I would have written him off as a ponce and I wouldn’t have him or my babies.  Things happen when they’re right, and you can’t rush them.  Or run away from them.”

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?”  Remus rarely dated and never said anything about marriage.  “What if I ruin everything?”

“What if he does?  I don’t have the answer.  I think you have to trust Remus and yourself enough to give him a chance to hear how you feel.”

“And if I fuck it all up?”

“Your friendship has survived war and betrayals and pranks gone horribly wrong, as well as seven years of sharing a dorm and about as long sharing a flat.  I don’t think it’s going to fall under the weight of loving him.”

“You better be right, Lily Potter.  If you’re not I’m going to be crashing on this sofa after I flee the flat in embarrassment, and I shed.”

II

Talking to Moony, of course, was a far too direct and logical choice.  It took an hour for Sirius to decide that no, that just wouldn’t do.

“You alright, Pads?” Remus asked when he spent the second hour after he returned home pacing.

“Just thinking about Christmas,” he answered distractedly.

“It’s May, I think you have some time before you need to worry.”  Remus caught his hand as he walked past.  “You look like you have one of your headaches.  Why don’t you sit down and I’ll give you a massage?  Or I could read something to you?”

“No books.”  Books are what had gotten him into the whole mess in the first part.  How could he tell Moony how he felt without also confessing the whole story of Phaedra White?  Why had he never considered that at some point Moony would have to know about The Brilliant Idea?  “I think I might just go to bed.”

“I’ll bring you some tea, it will help you sleep better.”  True to his word Remus showed up ten minutes later with a cup of tea, cream in first and half a spoon of sugar, just the way he liked.  He’d valiantly tried to fall asleep in those ten minutes, but had failed completely and sat up to accept the tea.  

“Thank you.”

“You know you can tell me if something is bothering you, right?”

“There’s no one in the world I trust more than you,” Sirius said honestly.  The tea was too hot still but he sipped it anyway, knowing he’d either burn the tip of his tongue or the roof of his mouth but not caring.  

“It’s a bit odd, isn’t it, Prongs and Lily having two kids now?  They’re well and truly settled, like proper adults.  Might make someone think about it a bit, wonder if they’re wanting something different.”  Remus settled on the edge of the bed, looking up at the ceiling as if he could see the stars overhead.

“Do you think about something different?  Finding your someone and settling down with a couple of sprogs?”  

“Merlin no.  That sort of life’s never been for me, even if I could find someone who wasn’t put off by my special little problem.  Besides I like things the way they are.  You know how much I loved marking up papers with red ink in school and I get to add commas and edit dangling participles to my heart’s content now, with the added bonus of actually making a proper amount of money.  And I couldn’t possibly ever be lonely or bored with you around.  If I want to play with a kid I just have to pop over to see Prongs and Lily.  Seems to me being a godfather is like the best bits of being a parent without all the rest.”  Remus shrugged and looked sideways at Sirius.  “I always figured you’d follow James’ example at some point.”

“I would have had to start developing a crush more than a decade ago, wouldn’t I, to really emulate Prongs?”  It made him stop and wonder for a moment, tea slopping over his chin as he stopped halfway to his mouth.  Just when had he started falling in love with Moony?  Maybe he was more like Prongs then he thought, with less of the whinging.  He couldn’t remember a time when making Moony smile hadn't been a priority, or when Moony touching him hadn’t been a comfort.

“Not like that, of course.  I mean the whole home hearth and family sort of thing, and making me a godfather.”

“I like my family just the way it is.”  It was a little too close to the truth, and Sirius faked a yawn.  “Night Moony.”

“Night Padfoot.  Sleep well.”  Despite being the first to say goodnight, Sirius was a little dismayed that Moony actually left his room.

II

The next day Sirius stopped by to pick up his post, finding a rather sizable cheque, yet another request for a book signing, and the edited return of his most recent book.  Remus must have mailed it when he’d been with Lily.  Flipping through the pages he found the usual red marks adding commas and rearranging the occasional unclear sentence structure, but nothing about the plot of the novel.  He hadn’t made any of the suggestions that he’d mentioned at the hospital.

Sirius took the book home and read through the story again.  Remus was right.  The supposed romance of the story felt flat and predictable when compared to the banter between the best friends, and George was clearly nurturing a crush on his friend.  He only wanted Byron to be with Melody because he thought it was what his friend wanted.  It was a mess.  Sirius was a mess too, but at the moment it was a lot easier to fix things for Byron and George.  All he had to do was cut half the book and rework the rest to make sure two best friends realized that they were actually in love.

When he was done he sent it off to Molly with a bonus payment and a warning that he might not be needing her help anymore.  She sent it back three days later with a cheerful little note letting him know that her twins kept her quite busy and while it had been fun to read his stories first she was fine with the change in things.  Also it was her favorite story yet.

“I need to borrow my godson.”  The day after he sent the manuscript back to Remus for editing he left the house early in the morning.  He couldn’t bear to be around when Moony saw it for the first time.  Better to let him read it and get it all over and done with at once, no matter what way it came out.

“You’re not back on the fleeing the country plan, are you?  Because you can’t take Harry to Spain.”  Lily raised one eyebrow.

“Why would Sirius flee the country?”  James held his daughter but stared at Sirius in confusion.  “You didn’t actually break into your cousin’s vault at Gringotts, did you?”

“I decided anything Narcissa owned would probably have cooties.  Not worth the risk.”  Sirius shrugged.  “I won’t even take him out of the county, Lils.  I promise.”

“Pads?  Lily?” James pushed, not having a clue what was happening but suspecting that his wife knew a fair bit more.

“Not now, Prongs.  I’ll tell you tomorrow if the world doesn’t crash around my ears today.”  

Lily, fortunately, said yes and Sirius was able to mostly distract himself with a trip to the zoo and far more ice cream than an almost five year old and a twenty-five year old should eat.  He returned Harry in time for tea but warned Lily that he probably wasn’t very hungry.

“I’m proud of you,” Lily said before he left, kissing his cheek.

“I’d probably be proud of you too if I knew what the bloody hell was going on,” Prongs added, kissing his other cheek.  Sirius said thank you to them both, decided against the floo, and apparated home.  He sat on the front stoop for half an hour before daring to open the door.  The flat was completely silent.  

“Moony?”  Maybe he wasn’t at home.  Maybe he hadn’t gotten the package or had been too busy to read it today.  Maybe he had read it and had run for the hills.  Maybe he hated it and hated Sirius and was in his room packing for a trip to Zanzibar.  For a minute he worried that Moony really was gone because the flat, even Moony’s room, were empty.  The last place to check was what they grandly called the balcony, which was really just a fire escape with a upside down rusty cauldron as a seat and a single pot with a dittany plant they barely kept alive.  Moony sat with his back to the wall, looking out at the view.  They were lucky enough to be on the side of the building that looked out over a park rather than another building.

“Hey.”  He settled on the sill of the open window, which was the only other place to sit but also meant that Remus couldn’t go anywhere without stepping over him, which could come in handy.  “How was your day?”

“I read a book.”  Moony didn’t look at him.  Sirius couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all, other than that he looked like he should be smoking.  They’d both given it up when Harry was born, though, and that went double now that Oliva had come along.

“Yeah?”  He took a deep breath and waited.

“Yeah.  I thought it was weird, at first.  It’s the same Phaedra White book I just edited, and I thought it was a mistake until I got through the first couple of chapters and it’s been completely rewritten.  I didn’t say anything about the story to anyone, other than you, but it was like they looked inside my head and saw how I wished the story had been written.  George was so certain that Byron was going to propose to his girl but instead there’s this scene, this magical scene where Byron says that he couldn’t fall for Melody because he was already in love.  That it had been George all along.  Sometimes your best mate is also the love of your life.”  Remus was still staring down at the park and Sirius wanted to shake him, or beg him to turn his head, or just kiss him and take his chances that Moony wouldn’t throw him over the side of the balcony.  

“Do you think that’s true?” he asked.  “Even when the best mate is a complete disaster who might be keeping a secret or two, but only because they want their best friend to be happy and not have to worry about anything?”

“Do I think that Byron and George are in love?”  When he finally turned, Moony had a perfectly inscrutable expression on his face, the one he used in school that let him tell McGonagall that he didn’t know anything about a prank that had in fact been his brainchild.  When he used it on anyone else it made Sirius smile.  Facing it himself was agonizing.

“Do you believe that sometimes your best mate can also be the love of your life?”  He’d channeled everything he felt and thought into Byron.  Remus set a great store in books and the written word, and Sirius hoped that maybe works written in black and white would make his argument for him.

“I think the hardest thing to believe is that I could possibly be that extraordinarily lucky.”  With the blink of his eye Sirius could see all the vulnerability Moony had been hiding.  The hope and the fear, the trust and the love.  The love he saw there knocked the breath out of him.

“Merlin, I think you just scared five years off my life, you were that hard to read.”  He pulled himself through the window and squatted in front of Remus.  “Do you really think you could love me?”

“You deserve to be scared, you bloody git.  You had me secretly editing books you wrote and somehow you became an author for the lark of it.”  Remus rubbed his forehead, like he did when something was puzzling him or the writing of something was particularly confusing.  “I’ve been in love with you for ages, Pads, and I find there’s generally very little thinking involved.  It’s a simple fact.”

“I don’t think there’s anything simple about it.”  Sirius Black was the author of seventeen and a half books, and it seemed to him there was only one possible option for what came next.  He kissed Moony, of course.  Kissed him like Byron had kissed George, like Psych had once kissed Cupid and Darcy had kissed Elizabeth.  The kiss had been brewing up inside him for some time and he did not stop until the air was gone from his lungs.  And then he said the words that he planned on repeating every day for the rest of his life.  “I love you Moony.”

“I love you too, Phaedra White.”

Sirius groaned, and laughed, and kissed his Moony all over again.  It was Absolutely Brilliant.

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

Well, that was cold

I have mod that makes diseases actually dangerous. (actually several of them and they’re all listed here on Pleasant Sims’ modlist)

The first rotation? Everything’s fine. The only one who fell ill was John Burb and he, as a family Sim, was able to soup himself to health in no time.

The second rotation... Ajaj Loner got sick.

With cold.

I was like, “I know flu is pretty dangerous with this mod but cold should be fine, right? I mean, I used to have it four times a year. So glad it’s not flu!”

I thought I was lucky.

I wasn’t.

After Ajaj’s turn ended, he was free to wander around and spread the cold everywhere.

Because they have chemistry and she was on a prowl, I even had Nina Caliente seduce Ajaj. She got the cold but I was like whatever, she’s a strong quasi-alien, running nose for a few days won’t kill her!

How fatally wrong I was I realized during a vacation that Nina went on with her sister and Ajaj. She was just chilling, sleeping in her hotel room, when all of the sudden, Grim Reaper!

You sure, Dina?

Nina was dead. Dead from the cold. And she was pregnant, no less!

I reloaded because it was on a vacation and Nina was the only playable Sim, so I was quite worried what would become of the grave. I managed to get her home and moved Chloe Curious in, so that someone can eventually plead for her. She was lucky the second time around and survived. Chloe got infected but survived as well.

But we had an epidemic on our hands now. Ajaj and Nina have been quite successful generously sharing their cold all across the hood and I failed to keep track of who has it.

Still, I thought it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t understand the scale, I was still thinking that it was just Ajaj, Consort Capp and the Pleasants.

Again, I was wrong.

When I got in the rotation to the Capps (the Capps 1), everyone was infected. I was still optimistic, though, because we were talking about a household where 2/4 Sims are Family and one is a Family Secondary, they can bathe in the soup!

The teens ate their soup and survived.

Consort died that night. He was due to die at the end of their round anyway but because he didn’t do so of old age, his grandchildren received no bonus inheritance.

The only one who gained something from that was Olive Specter who was delighted to see Consort, her crush, perish, so she could finally raise him as a zombie.

Unfortunately I couldn’t find a screenshot of her actually raising him, so here’s at the very least Olive walking menacingly to work.

Anyway, moving onto the Capps again (the Capps 2, Goneril edition), things looked bleak. Goneril was pregnant and she and all the kids were infected. Albany was immediately called to action to generate enough soup but the house devolved into utter chaos. Everybody had their soup but just as they recovered, they got infected again!

Ok, I was thinking, Consort was quite old and fragile. Nina must’ve had the cold for a long time, given she was on a vacation. There’s no way the kids are gonna die on the first day they got infected. They had the soup, so I’ll send them to beds, so they can get a good-night sleep and enough rest.

Nope.

Ariel, a child, died in her sleep.

Nobody was able to get to her in time to plead for her.

While I was contemplating an in-character way of resurrection, Desdemona, a young teen, died in her sleep just about two hours after her sister.

Again, nobody was fast enough.

Luckily, Miranda was already in college and she was roommates with Ophelia Nigmos, who was in possession of a genie lamp she was safeguarding from Olive. Hearing about the tragedy that befell her friend’s family, moved by the death of a little girl and her not much older sister, Ophelia the Family Sim offered Miranda the lamp on the spot.

Miranda rushed home to drop off the lamp and then ran off so she doesn’t get infected. Well, she did anyway but since I haven’t played the college Sims yet, I don’t know of her fate.

Hal made a good use of the lamp. He rolled the wants to resurrect both his sisters and that’s exactly what he did.

He triumphantly finished making the wishes...

And dropped dead.

Another young soul succumbed to cold.

But! Since there was still a wish left and his sisters were back alive, Desdemona swiftly brought him back.

Ariel’s and Hal’s resurrections were perfect.

Desdemona’s was faulty, so her personality got reversed.

But as long as they’re alive and preferably not zombies, everything will do.

The Capps were all cured! Hooray!

Wait. Not all Capps. There was still Regan’s branch and, predictably, they were all infected. And this time, there was no Family Sim in sight.

The only non-infected Sim in the family was a little toddler. The poor, poor child was in for a life-long trauma.

Kent went quick and quiet the first night of their round. Regan fortunately recovered. Cornwall did too. They had a very lucky start of the round all together, I may add. Kent’s tragic death was followed by Regan’s demotion that lead to her subsequent want to quit her job (...and she was the only one who was making any significant money), then Cornwall set the house on fire while cooking breakfast, then he got fired.

Poor thing. First got house-fired, then job-fired.

Regan’s LTW was to reach the top of the Law career, so she got herself a new job there. On her first day, she got promoted!

And she brought home a friend! Sweet!

No... nooooo...

It was Ajaj F*ckin’ Loner.

Both Regan and Cornwall got infected before you could say “act your surname and social-distance, you jerk!”

Cornwall died almost immediately. Unfortunately, Regan was asleep and failed to get up and ambush the Grim Reaper in time.

On the bright side, she recovered!

So I watch her go to work, the nanny arrives to baby-sit the toddler, everything seems to finally have settled down.

But then I spot an unexpected movement in the house.

It’s Titania Summerdream. Who let her in? I have no idea.

It would be quite sweet of her to check on her friend Regan after she lost two family members and to help with her young daughter.

If... if she didn’t have the fricking cold!

Regan returned from work and I rushed to have her send Titania away.

Of damn course she didn’t go before giving the cold to Regan.

Now it was the third time Regan got infected and there were no other family members to take care of the toddler if she dies. It was very suspenseful. I decided to use extreme measures and I teleported Albany in, made him selectable and had him cook the soup.

Instead of that, he proceeded to bicker with Regan.

If he got re-infected, I swear...

Anyway, after a three tries or so, Regan got her soup and Albany was on his merry way away.

What a relief! I sent Regan to sleep, trusting the soup to do its magic. The next morning her needs all looked great! No notification yet but I was sure it’s gonna arrive any second. When suddenly...

Yeap, she died.

Regan Capp died the way she lived. Paying her family’s bills.

I used Simblender again to quickly move in Hal. He was there in time to plead for Regan!

And for the first time in the Capp household, he actually made it! He pleaded!

And... and... lost.

So I had him stay to take care of the toddler until their round was over. Then I moved them both back with Goneril’s branch.

At the very least young Ione, the genius toddler with maxed Logic skill, got something resembling a birthday party with her cousin and his boyfriend Alexander Goth.

Given that Montys had their losses as well, the cold has already taken out much of the adult population of Veronaville.

The only two adults left (not counting fresh elders Albany and Goneril) in Veronaville were in fact the Summerdreams who were extremely lucky and with an abundance of soup, they survived.

To be completely honest, I’m very happy with the mod. I tend to play large hoods and although it tends to be rather tragic, the occasional epidemic of cold trims the population down a bit without me killing anybody off and it gives the game an additional bit of challenge and randomness.

...or maybe I’m just a sh*tty person to my Sims.

Bonus screenshots of the Strangetown cold outbreak:

Vidcund Curious spent two nights sleeping in a chair in his children’s bedroom because he was afraid they’re going to die from the cold in their sleep and wanted to be there to plead for them. In the end it actually happened, he pleaded and managed to save his daughter.

The Smiths had to be unfortunately visited by the Therapist. PT9 died on the day he was supposed to die of old age but hours prior, he became yet another victim of the cold. And it was very unlucky, since it meant no inheritance and by the Watcher, Jenny and their 5 kids could definitely use it. They were completely broke.

But not everything was morbid and tragic!

Lazlo rolled quite the unexpected want to get married to his girlfriend, Cassandra Goth. They weren’t engaged, she wasn’t pregnant, he’s not a Family secondary, and the date they were on wasn’t even in the stage Sims usually roll engagement wants, he simply rolled it out of the blue. And of course I went with it! (Cassandra had recently divorced Don, rolling the wish to remarry almost immediately.)

The only family in the hood that could technically mass-produce medicine so that not everyone is dependent on the soup, the Beakers, of course didn’t. Why would they risk their hides, toying with the Mysterious Disease, when they didn’t have to? Instead, they social-distanced and spent the rotation raking in promotions and taking care of their army of children. (Loki kept rolling wants to get abducted and ARC wasn’t kind to them either. But with Loki being Family secondary and Circe leaving most of the parenting on him anyway, I don’t think they mind.)

Note the alien toddler, the second youngest child. He has 10 Nice points. That’s 4 points more than all 5 of his siblings and his parents combined. He’s gonna have a rough childhood, the poor thing.

Jill Smith managed to get nibbled on by the pack leader just in time, a few days before going to college. She’s thrilled by her new wolf-y powers! And regardless of what her mother says, she knows the fur goes with her school uniform just perfectly!

Rachel Pleasant, the youngest offspring of Daniel that he knows about (the second youngest overall), aged up into a child! And judging by the look on her face, she already knows how much of a mess her family is.

Not even being brought back from the dead made Desdemona Capp immune to the Summerdream charm. Bottom, the young Romance Sim, invited her girlfriend to hang out in their hot tub. It was an afternoon to remember for both of them.

Local ageing general married a successful young athlete, Kristen Loste. Unfortunately for everyone attending the wedding, the bride’s former roommate Chloe Curious decided that flirting with her literally the next interaction after Kristen said, “I do.” was a smart idea. No need to add that the wedding cake was left to rot forgotten, never cut. It was a sad wedding cake but even though it started to stink around two hours after the wedding, it still lasted longer than the marriage.

And far away in La Fiesta Tech, two estranged siblings were talking things out and healing their relationship.

Now I lost this hood (again) and started a new one, so the next gameplay post will probably feature the same characters in completely different circumstances and nothing is going to make sense but... what does anyway?

[reginaofdoctorwho]

weird shit that would probably have something to do with me in a horror movie

no one wanted this but i’m bored and found a bottle so you’re all getting it. yes these are all true. check the tags, if u think i’ve missed something please let me know!

there was a murder (technically, i don’t really count it as a murder) next door when i was four years old on christmas morning

the weird antique glass bottle i found half-buried in the woods in the woods yesterday with living bugs in it that made no attempt to leave it once i uncovered it

there is a local cult in the next town over. this is not the same as the local cult that was in the other town over where my mom grew up

random completed animal skeletons in the woods behind our house, i’m talking prey and predator, both laid out like in a goddamn scientific diagram. for a while there’d be ones in the middle of our yard, always the same type of animal, always just the bones and nothing else, laid out like it was posed. this has been happening for over half a decade and we have no fucking clue how, why, or who is doing it

the screaming from the woods that i’m going to assume is a fox

my sister almost dated a murderer. his niece or something is in my class

there is a house that is now part of a “local ghost tour” that belonged to my great+ grand parents during the civil war where my great+ aunt died allegedly murdered by her husband who is actually blood related to me. family history says she died of childbirth, which given that it was the 1800s... probably is true

there was an actual murderer in our family a few generations back but he married in and killed his wife and her sister. they didn’t find out about it until they read his journals after he died where it apparently told everything he did and they decided. “well, that wouldn’t look good for the family, and they’re already dead anyway” and just kept it hidden??

the fact we have my great great grandmother’s dress from probably 1890s or 1900s. even more so the fact that i fit in it. if this was fantasy horror (vampires, some immortal thing or ghost) i’d be fucking dead or cursed

fairly certain i was possessed by the ghost of a puritan as a kid

my family seems to have a curse with babies and nurses? my great uncle died when he was born because long story short, hospitals were the new hot thing, he was perfectly healthy, then a nurse dropped him and he died instantly. my sister died when she was a toddler and the hospital actively tried to delete her hospital records to cover it up and ended up getting fined by the state for it. the nurses responsible were not arrested or punished in any way.

my family all has fucked up connective tissue, in my brother it was bad enough he had to get a steel bar in his chest so it wouldn’t cave in.

the many times i have almost drowned, sometimes due to intentional actions by humans (my dad, it was my dad)

this in addition to the other fucked up shit he did before the divorce when he still lived here, including but not limited to: killing my mom’s favorite pet goat, hanging its skull in a tree, and leaving the body in the woods. not letting his kids learn how to cook. anytime someone asked him to cook he’d put as much pepper/hot sauce in as he could (even for like, scrambled eggs) and give it to the youngest person, usually a toddler. this was me at times. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening murder. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening burning. purposely locked the basement from the inside so we couldn’t get the gaping hole in the stairs leading to one of three kids rooms fixed. tearing up pictures of the kids whenever my mom did something he didn’t like. i had more here but i tried to cut it down a litttle

people have threatened to murder me before. one time a girl didn’t threaten, and actually acted like she was starting to like me, but her cousin read her diary or something and found out she was planning to commit a lot of murder, and told her parents and she got sent to a psychiatric ward for a couple weeks

my mom lived down the street from a family that got axe-murdered by one of their two sons when she was a kid. the murderer did get out on an insanity plea and is still in the area. also their neighbor’s mom “lost her mind” (how the story was told) when she had to protect their kids while her husband went over to try to protect the non murderer son when he got home from school and ran over screaming about his brother trying to kill him and had killed their parents

also she knew a girl who almost got kidnapped by this really fucked up traveling serial killer that has his own wikipedia page that is,,, lengthy. the girl had [alleged] mafia ties, and the guy ended up dying shot by police despite them being told to bring him in, which sounds kinda suspicious

long story short i’d probably be the sequel where one comes back

apparently i go to the “bad” school, which i found out in a coffee shop when i overheard two girls talking about how one’s dad went there and how horrible and dangerous it is

school fights are weird. either they don’t happen or they come freakishly close to murder. people slam heads into lockers, stomp on bones, drag people by hair along the ground. one time in my brother’s class a 4′9″ girl sent a 6′2″ football player to the hospital. there was video of a fight a couple years ago that’s still around. it was brutal, but also one of the girls fighting was taking one for the team in it and got the other kicked out

we don’t have a ceiling in all of the third floor, and the cafeteria has 2. this is not relevant in any way, but it’s important to me that you know this

also the guys kept ripping the heating vents/radiators/whatever off the walls in their bathrooms and got almost all the bathrooms locked. including the girls’ ones.

also everyone kept punching holes in the walls so on some of them it’s just,,, metal sheeting down the whole hallway

there are so many fucking shootings in the next town over. literally five years ago it was this nice place where kids would go on history tours, i did when my sister worked for that group. now there is pretty much one business that has not been held up at gunpoint, and if u look up to the serial killer bullet point, it is for v similar ties. it’s a pizza place and if u ever stop by u gotta try it

women in my family have weirdly good intuition but every couple generations we get doubtful. my great grandma didn’t want a hospital birth but decided “hey it’s the hot new thing for a reason”, my mom switched churches based on nothing but intuition and it turned out someone was a pedophile there (found out years later), i instantly could tell my friend’s boyfriend was a pos and wasn’t surprised later when he told her he’d murder and dismember me in front of her, and upon meeting him told him he was a fucking coward and couldn’t do it. he broke up with her a month later.

i was really good friends for a while with two guys that burned a building down. yes they were arrested. i was friends before and after the fire. they’re pretty nice, but this girl they used to date (at different times, they were brothers, yes it was fucking weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved except her but that’s it’s own thing) said some fucked up shit and it was the closest i ever got to starting a fight. anyway i’m still friends with both on facebook. one of them shares a lot of king of the hill memes

speaking of that fight, i 100% would’ve tried to kill her in that moment. u know that john mulaney quote like “i didn’t understand how a person could want to kill another person. then i got cheated on, and i was like ‘oh, okay.’”? that was me, but replace “cheated on” with she told me it was good my five year old sister was dead because she was a waste, and told me she hoped i’d die of covid”. it was mainly the sister thing. i couldn’t move because if i did i’d start a fight with the [way] above mentioned shit.

my family has a literal feud with a local farming family. i mean, we keep farm animals (sheep, goats, chickens), these people have that, pigs, and crops too. the feud was because their great uncle (or great grand uncle, i’m a little fuzzy on the details) published an autobiography (despite not being anyone famous/important) and in it talked about when he was friends with my grandfather and how creepy my great grandfather was (this was the one with the dead firstborn son) because he kept newspaper clippings of the Lindbergh baby’s kidnapping and murder pinned to a board on the wall of his office/basement. also because he was a child of german immigrants who wanted to fight against nazis in WW2 (how suspicious [sarcasm]). members of their family are in my grade. they charged my sister for almost half an extra pound of goods, too, which just revitalized it.

i live by corn fields. i am surrounded by cornfields. (joke one)

i was friends for a while with this girl whose baby teeth,,, didn’t really fall out completely? she was 17 the last time i saw her in person, she’s probably 19 now and judging by her facebook pictures they’re still Like That. she had a very symmetrical mouth/teeth, which made it weirder. just to clarify, she had some of her baby teeth pushed forward and up, so they kind pointed out a little? and all her adult teeth. she was literally so pretty.

a teacher who is v sexual with his female students came into my english class (he is a science teacher) to demand why i wasn’t signed up for his class. we then both became increasingly passive aggressive and he told the whole class where i live with specific directions and landmarks. the guy sitting next to me had to try to tone things down despite being obviously confused as to why it was even happening (me too buddy). he lives down the road from my sister. when my niece had her birthday party at our house i was outside setting things up and he slowed his car down and honked at me. fuckin creep

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

[ghostboybabies]

little ghost boy || [JATP Agere/CGLRE] “Someone Who Cares”- Chapter 10

A/N: This is sad, warning for Reggie kinda talking badly about himself. This is an important plot point that needed to happen at some point, might as well get it over with. I hope you guys like it!

--

"Why're you pouting, Little Rockstar?"

Luke, Julie, and Alex sat side by side on the couch in the studio, Reggie previously busying himself with coloring at the coffee table. Julie let him use her old art supplies, crayons and markers and stickers, and do whatever he wanted. Now, he sat, tapping a red crayon rhythmically against his paper, holding it between two fingers.

With every tap, a red dot appeared on the paper. He seemed bored, and pouty, as Luke pointed out. He looked up to see all three of his friends staring at him.

"Not pouting." he mumbled, adjusting his crayon in his hand, interrupting the rhythm,  and drawing a little heart with it on the edge of the paper.

"Yeah you are. What's up, Flower?" Julie asked.

Alex looked at Julie curiously. "Flower?" he questioned.

"Pwetty as a flower," Reggie explained in his childish voice, not replying to Julie's question. He bit at his lip, switching out his crayon to another color.

Alex nodded, "That's cute."

Julie ignored Alex, still waiting for a response from the toddler-minded boy. Reggie looked up, "I'm fine," he whined, only pouting even more. Luke sighed, leaning forward a bit towards him.

"Come here, Reg," he ordered, patting his lap a bit. Reggie hesitantly jumped up, making his way over nervously, and sitting on his lap. He settled, feeling better as Luke wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him close. "You stopped pouting," Luke noticed. "Did you just want cuddles?"

Reggie blushed a bit, nodding as he casted his eyes down to Luke's hands around his waist. "You could've just asked, baby." Luke sighed, kissing the side of his head. Alex watched the whole scene, smiling a bit. Luke and Julie were really good with Reggie.

Julie and Reggie had a different bond then Luke and Reggie did, you could tell. Both were affectionate, and close. But still different. Reggie seemed to prefer playing with Luke, but usually requested affection from Julie. Julie was usually the one to correct his behavior if he needed it, while Luke was better at praise and compliments.

To Alex, someone who took care of Willie alone, it was interesting to see them work together.

Reggie and Willie hadn't talked yet, but there was a playdate scheduled for the next day. It had been around a week since Reggie told Alex, and not much had happened. There was no need for a long educational conversation on age regression, because Willie had already done that for him.

Reggie had been big besides a few quick moments the whole week due to an gig that took place the day prior, focusing on band rehearsals and such. This is where Reggie's internal struggle began.

When he found out and processed that Luke had cancelled band practice for him, he immediately felt bad about how much time Luke and Julie gave up for him. Luke and Julie had other, better things to do besides take care of him. Reggie used to go long periods of time without regressing, he didn't need it.

If Luke and Julie really knew what was going on, there'd be a lecture about repressing regression waiting for him. It wasn't like he was planning on telling him.

Today, Reggie didn't even count on slipping. He woke up small the morning after the gig, the regression probably being a result of a combination of things. He had just worked hard for a week or so to make sure everything turned out perfect. He also switched from almost daily regression to none at all, so eventually, it happened without his control.

Reggie didn't seem to realize it, but Julie and Luke were kinda relieved when he regressed. They had been kind of worried about the sudden decline of time in littlespace, and they missed taking care of him if they were honest.

But this internal struggle, of feeling guilty for needing help and extra care, was what caused Reggie's weird behavior. He wanted cuddles and attention but he didn't wanna waste anyone's time. But he was already small and being big felt so hard, and he knew that Luke and Julie weren't gonna leave him alone and not take care of him while he was little.

Well, there was one exception to the "not leaving him alone" rule. Nap time.

It wasn't a requirement that Reggie took naps every day. But sometimes, if he got sleepy, one of his friends would lay him down and come back half an hour later to wake him up. Sometimes, they'd stay with him and they'd cuddle. Others, he'd be left alone with a stuffie and lots of blankets while Luke helped Julie make herself a snack.

And if Reggie woke up before they came back to check on him, he'd play with a stuffie quietly until someone did. Today, when he woke up in Julie's bedroom, he did something different.

His decision was impulsive and not thought through. One moment, he was sitting in Julie's bed, feeling bad about everything. And the next, he was in CD Sundays, surrounded by a few toys.

How had he gotten here?

--

Reggie tried to play by himself. He really did. He used to do it all the time.

A few toy cars would entertain him for hours. But now, it seemed that occupying himself without a caregiver was impossible. But he kept trying.

He didn't need them. He was only wasting their time.

He got frustrated eventually, throwing the red toy car to the ground with a huff. A million questions seemed to take over his mind at once, overriding the childish, innocent, and playful thoughts that usually occupied his mind while he was small.  

Why wasn't this fun? When did he start crying? Why did he want a hug from Mama and Daddy so much right now?

These were to many questions for a baby. To many emotions. He needed them, he realized. Everything felt like to much without them. Taking care of himself was harder then he remembered.

--

"Where's Reggie?" Julie's panicked voice sounded as she ran out of her room and down the stairs.

"In your room?" Alex questioned from his spot on the living room couch, sitting up. Julie shook her head,

"He's gone. Is he hiding?"

Luke jumped up, running his fingers through his hair. "Maybe he woke up early and went to the studio?" He looked to Alex, who nodded.

"I'll check. You two, search the house."

They all agreed on roles, splitting up in an effort to find the little.

But when they came up empty handed, Julie became panicky, while Luke grew frustrated. Alex paced around the room, while Julie searched it, and Luke sat on the bed. "Who the hell decided to give a little teleportation powers?"

"An idiot." Julie replied. She had one thought lingering in the back of her mind that made her scared. What if Caleb got him?

Yeah, it was unlikely that the evil ghost appeared in her house, took only Reggie, and left. But it was technically a possibility. A scary one, at that.

"He could be anywhere," Alex sighed. Luke ran his fingers through his hair, pausing.

"Technically, yes," He began, sitting up all the way. "But I know one place he used to go to while little." he realized, jumping up.

"I'm gonna go check somewhere. You guys just stay here in case he comes back, okay?"

Julie and Alex nodded, watching Luke poof out.

--

"Baby!"

Reggie glanced up from his curled up position when he heard Luke's voice, revealing his teary face. He made grabby hands immediately, "Dada!" he whined.

Just like Luke had done around a month ago, he ran over and dropped down to sit next to him. He hugged him close, holding him in his arms tightly. "You scared the hell out of us, you know that?" he pulled away, taking a deep breath and he looked over Reggie's face.

"Sowwy, didn' mean to scawe anyone." Reggie mumbled with a sniffle, rubbing at his face. Add that to the list of thinks he felt guilty for.

"What are you doing here?" Luke questioned, looking around. He noticed the toy cars and his stuffed animal scattered over the floor, looking back to him. "You disappeared during your nap and came here? Why?"

"Felt bad. Didn' wanna waste your time." Reggie explained.

"What? You're not wasting my time-" he cut himself off, pausing. "I love taking care of you, and so does Julie. How long have you felt like this?"

"Y-you cancelled band practice," his voice became a little clearer as he managed to force himself into a slightly bigger headspace so that he could talk. "You and Juwie give up lots of time for me. You shouldn't have to."

"I know we don't have to, we do this because we want to. And because we care about you." Luke sighed, cupping the side of his face and wiping his tears with his thumb. "And you came here to be little by yourself?"

Reggie nodded. "I used to play by my m'self, a-and take care of m'self," he explained, bringing his thumb up to his lips. "B-but it's to hard, Daddy." he cried, his eyes glossing over as he began to sniffle and sob again. Any 'big' part of his mind slipped away as he cried, reaching out for Luke.  Luke opened his arms once more, allowing him to bury his head in his chest and snuggle into him.

"Shh, baby. I know," he swayed in place a bit, rubbing his back as he tried to help calm him down. "Little boys shouldn't have to take care of themselves. That's what Mommy's and Daddy's are for, Rockstar."

"I wish you would've talked to us before things got this bad," he spoke as Reggie pulled away, wiping at his eyes again.

"m' sowwy." Reggie muttered, bringing his thumb to his lip again. He felt a lot better now. He wasn't a waste of time, or annoying. He wasn't getting in the way of anything. Luke and Julie simply cared about him, so they liked caring for him.

That's just how it worked.

"Don't be. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine, for not talking to you when I thought something was wrong." Luke sighed, seemingly upset with himself. Reggie tilted his head curiously. "After regressing with Alex for the first time, you stopped regressing completely and avoided talking about it at all costs. Something felt off and I should've asked about it." Luke explained.

"It's okays!" he assured, settling his thumb into his mouth and speaking around it.

"Still. Talk to me next time you're feeling bad, okay? Or talk to Julie, just don't keep it inside. It'll build up to something like this eventually."

Reggie nodded.

"We're gonna clean up these toys and then go home, okay? We'll have a movie night and cuddle and talk more about this later, alright?"

Another nod.

They did exactly what Luke said they would. They picked up the toys and went home. Julie and Alex fussed over Reggie, hugging him and asking him if he was okay a million times over before helping Luke set up the laptop to play a movie for him. Luke explained to Julie what happened, and they agreed to actually talk to him about it later.

For now, they just needed some family time. Then when he was big, they'd talk it over. And the next day, they'd go have fun in the park.

Sometimes, things didn't always work the way Reggie wanted them to. He never wanted anyone to know about his regression. For a long time, he didn't want to be a little. Sometimes, the things he viewed as bad turned out good.

Luke finding out about him led to him feeling safer regressing, and adjusting to a cute family dynamic they were slowly building. Being little made him happy. Hiding in the CD Shop taught him that his friends cared about him, no matter how insecure or anxious he got.

And that lesson was one of the most important things he could learn. Remembering that he wasn't annoying, and that he had people there for him, was important. Not just important for him, but for anyone.

You have someone there for you, just like Reggie. Someone who cares about you, flaws and all.  And if you think you don't, then you'll find them soon.

Reggie was just lucky enough to find those people early on.

--

A/N: Please leave feedback in the reblogs/replies/my askbox! Do you like how I wrote this situation? This whole book is about Reggie adjusting to and accepting his headspace, and this was an important step. He knew that he had his friends, but he realized how much they really cared in this chapter.

also I'm pretty sure this chapter makes the word count of this fic like 20,000 so that's cool!

[thenightling]

Enough is enough!

Headcanon is okay but it’s NOT okay to headcanon falsehoods to make other people in a fandom look like perverts.

This below image was shared by @sandman-headcanons from another blog.  And though I agree with the basic message, the reason for it existing is rather disturbing and attacks a fandom because of a very bad misinterpretation passed off as headcanon.   

  That image was created by someone who is part of a faction of very new Sandman fans who have decided Daniel is still a child, Morpheus is his father. And anyone who says otherwise MUST be a pervert.  That is the problem.

There are people “headcanoning” (And thoroughly believing) that Daniel (the character in that image) is still a child and Morpheus is his father and therefor imagining Daniel doing anything grown up i.e. having a relationship- must be a pervert.  

Imagining / headcanoning that Daniel is a child and Morpheus is his father would be okay (though contradicting of actual established canon...) except they have deemed that anyone who images Morpheus and Daniel (as canonical adults) together- even just in an intellectual / emotional relationship is a pedophile who is pro-incest.

They are treating any Sandman fan who doesn’t see Daniel as a perpetual toddler as a potential pedophile.

I was even told that I “ship a three-year-old with some old dude” by a complete stranger who isn’t familiar with Sandman (but took someone else’s word about it) because of this post that I wrote over a year ago.   

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/171750432893/why-ive-started-the-crackship-of-morpheus-and

(Ironically one of the first likes of that post is Neil Gaiman, himself...)

And I was harassed for refusing to delete that post.

It’s NOT a sexual post!   I don’t post that sort of thing anyway.

Enough is enough!

Do I really need to tag Neil Gaiman, himself, to ask him to please ask you to refrain from righteously harassing and LYING about half the Sandman fandom!? 

If you can’t grasp that Daniel isn’t a baby and Morpheus is not his Daddy, go ask Neil Gaiman about it.  You know he’s here on Tumblr.  Maybe Neil Gaiman can explain it better than I can.  I have tried.  

 There’s a limit to what counts as “headcanon” especially if the headcanon requires contradicting the lore and slandering half the fandom. 

1.  We are literally told they are both aspects of Dream of The Endless.  It’s like Odin and Mr. Wednesday in American Gods.  Morpheus, himself, compared it to facets of a jewel.

 Personification shards of the same being.  This is a major plot point for The Sandman: Overture to even work.   This isn’t my “interpretation.”  It’s a literal requirement for the story to even happen.  It’s the only way the scene where Morpheus meets the other aspects of Dream works and the only way Morpheus can mistake the cat creature as another aspect of Dream. 

These aspects of Dream can exist so autonomously from each other (despite technically being the same entity) that Morpheus was tricked into thinking the cat creature was another aspect of Dream.

  The Sandman: Overture cannot happen without what I’m saying being taken as canon.   It’s not merely my “interpretation” as some of you seem to think.

The very reason Daniel knows what to do and when in The Sandman: Overture is because he has eight billion years of knowledge and memory.

   2..   Time moves in Vertigo at the same speed as the real world.  The baby Rose was pregnant with in The Sandman: The Wake (when Daniel became the dream lord) is the woman on this cover in Daniel’s arms.   She is canonically in her mid-twenties now.

Hell, simply even mentioning who Ivy’s great-grand-parent is has gotten some people accused of being pro-incest.  But...  Desire being the great grandparent is canon.  We have no say in the matter.   That’s the established lore.  acknowledging it doesn’t mean you agree with it. 

3.  When Daniel was conceived MORPHEUS WAS STILL IN THE GLASS CAGE!   He cannot literally be his father. We’re directly told in issue 12 that Lyta was pregnant for years.   YEARS.   Morpheus had only been free for about eleven months at that point.   It’s simple math.   

This isn’t headcanon anymore.  This is harassment based on false information and it needs to stop, now!

Tagging those who may want to see this nonsense in action.

@zal001 @sorry-for-the-chocolate @missghostlymoonshadow  @vagaryhexxx, @deathlyendless @endlessemptynight @treebrooke79  @deathlyendless  @good-times-bad-food @watertribe-enya​  @everthewildeone​  @lamb90​ @artwinsdraws​ @winterbirdybuddy​ @jr4cats​

  This is what  I’m talking about.

I do NOT condone pedophilia.  I am strongly against pedophilia and incest. 

I never will condone it.  But you need to stop twisting a false narrative in order to pretend half the fandom are perverts!

Ironically some of these same people headcanoning that Daniel is still a child (thirty years into his ruling of The Dreaming) and bullying, shaming, and antagonizing anyone in the fandom who doesn’t share this canon-ignoring interpretation, are now discussing erotic fantasies about the new character, Ruin.  A literal new-born Nightmare.   Adult body and adult mind, yes, but technically he’s actually a newborn.  

By the way, Neil Gaiman had also liked this post, wishing Daniel a happy 30th / 10 Billionth birthday so...

https://thenightling.tumblr.com/post/190343770213/happy-30th-10-billionth-birthday-to-daniel-hall

You can access Neil’s liked list from his blog.

[vedj-f-bekuesu]

At this point I’m just watching the seasons to keep the momentum going after two great (and one flawed but still okay) seasons. With Friday being a Bank Holiday, I might get the rest of the pre-11 stuff wrapped up by the weekend. But enough of the future, how about the season I watched, Sons of Garmadon?

It had a lot to live up to based on its reputation, and I’m happy to report that it delivers on what it sets out to do. Issues with the season are fairly minor tribbles, but that’s something I can cover in the notes.

-Hoo boy, let’s get this out of the way; the movie did fucking wonders for Lloyd Garmadon. Spending like five seasons stuck to his blander “chosen one must learn” characterisation, this season gives him a very long overdue overhaul into a more modern chosen one protagonist who is way more entertaining to watch. Bonus points for having a look I can take seriously now...yeah, sorry, but the Anakin hairpiece with the strange approach to voice commitment never did for me, even as it became the norm for what I was viewing.  -To be honest, his teammates get some good material here too. Some more than others (Zane especially has a really good little arc where he gets to show his more calculating side. Cole’s arc is okay but I don’t feel it quite nails the landing as well), but they all get chance to banter and have character moments, which is mainly what I come into shows for as opposed to straight up development constantly. Shout outs to Jay who has small moments, but important ones that do really good for his character (I could go into why Lloyd and Jay make the most sense as leads...probably after my season watching is done). I also like the callback to a character moment he had in season 3. Also this finally feels like the writers are sticking to characterisation, this season mostly keeping what Hands of Time did with them. Not so much design-wise, but I’ve made it clear many times that I prefer the new designs to old. Also, I get to throw in Pixal as a main character now since she’s clearly on the team full time. She’s good here too. -The dynamics get their own section just because I want to restate how I prefer the dynamic between Jay and Lloyd compared to Kai and Lloyd so far. Seriously, Jay seems to step up to bat for Lloyd more than Kai at this point. And yet no-one really seems to be interested in it within the fandom. -There wasn’t really much in the way of side characters this season (I am aware that next season will change that). Misako was good for what little material she had, Wu was fun and actually became a solid character in his own right once he became a toddler, Dareth is solid and really gets to show his alternative way of helping out, and the police commissioner...eh, better than season 6 but I’m still not big on him.  -I can sum up Harumi in one sentence; Skylor but done better on every count (and also evil). She’s engaging when she’s acting as the more humble Princess figure, and she’s nicely hammy when she’s unleashing her evil side. I can see why people would be into Lloyrumi with such a investing act (for the record, I’m not). This all being said, those who say that Harumi had a point are missing one important detail; as much destruction has been caused with the ninjas’ close call; what alternative is there? I don’t see anyone else stepping up to save Ninjago so it would have probably fully fallen a long time ago. And even with the Great Devourer, Lord Garmadon was channelling his good side to deliver a finishing blow, he still needed the ninja there.  -We have three other villains and two of them are enjoyable. Ultra-Violet is committed to her crazy shtick and amusing, and Killow is definitely different to how I thought he’d be, but it’s a lot more enjoyable (especially when Garry Chalk is channelling every bit of his Sonic Underground Robotnik voice he can. Kind of like how Clancee was Ian James Corlett channelling a lot of his scrub monkey third class). Mr E can go rust though.  -Unlike the other seasons which people cite as dark, this one feels like it does actually go there. It’s not completely a dark season, mostly the end of Jade Princess and scenes between Game of Masks and Big Trouble, Little Ninjago. It was still pretty fun and light-ish hearted outside of that. -Weirdly enough, most of my quibbles are on the technical side. People cite this season as having the best animation...but I don’t really see it. In terms of visuals it’s a step up, but the actual animation doesn’t feel that different to Hands of Time. They learned to use flashier graphics everywhere. Which is probably why the intro is the way it is, and I’m sorry but this is probably my least favourite intro. I can’t appreciate the spectacle when focusing on anything is difficult to achieve. On top of that, there were still some glaring graphical fuck-ups (like when Cole is shown with the other ninja in a scene where he was captured, or when Lloyd was shown with green eyes in a shot despite being drained of power at that point), which aren’t really any different to the ones Prime Empire has.  -The pacing of the season wasn’t entirely smooth, but unlike other seasons it’s not like one set issue. It’s more like a concertina effect; it was very quick at first, then slows down, then speeds up again, then slows down, then finally hits an even tempo about halfway through. This is why I didn’t mention the likes of Hutchins, the parents or the Mechanic before; because of the pace, you don’t really get enough time to really get attached to them (doesn’t help that the Mechanic has Alan Marriott doing the voice in his cameo, and man does it not fit compared to Skybound. I’m glad when the Mechanic got more substantial stuff they went back to his original VA, that voice is so fun).  -My other big thing is actually the complete continuity snarl that’s Harumi’s backstory makes. They’ve thrown in so many random events over the seasons but because of the sheer vagueness of the timescales it doesn’t really break suspension of disbelief. But Harumi’s turn to darkness is clearly during the ending of season 1, which we have a much more tangible sense of time for. Harumi seems like she’s about 8-10 then, the ninja seem like they were 14-15 then, Harumi seems like she’s 15-18 now but the showrunner still insist that the ninja are teenagers? How does that work, the most generous allowance for time is five years, and that would barely make them still teenagers in season 8. Certainly don’t believe they could be teenagers as of the most recent seasons. -On a completely different tangent, can we talk about the toilet humour? Yeah, it’s not like it’s never been there (there’s been poop jokes, fart jokes, halitosis jokes, and who can forget that one utterly cringe scene in S3?), but Hands of Time and Sons of Garmadon do it in a way that just comes off as really weird compared to earlier toilet humour. Like, there’s the implication by Jay in season 7 that Kai has issues with constipation, Cole’s truth tea dose forces him to say that he pees in the pool, and then there’s Kai, right to Harumi’s face, all but saying that Jay has issues with peeing himself. Her reaction to it is fucking hilarious, but it’s still weird, even though knowing Vincent Tong he would totally do that. 

Overall, this was a great season, and it’s clear to see how this became such a draw to the series (meaning in hindsight, LEGO’s method of dealing with the new style was pretty much a winner). The issues I have don’t stop the quality being across the board. Aside from Possession, I think this may be a favourite season from the pre-11 stuff. 

Next time, we effectively get the second part to this story. Yep, it ended in a cliffhanger so we’ve hardly wrapped it up here. Time to see how the OG ninja and newer recruits handle themselves alone in Hunted. 

[angelbabylu]

Sweet Disposition //CH

pairing: oc x calum

word count: 4k

warnings: fluff!!!! dad!sos

notes: OKAY. as promised yesterday, here is a quick follow up to the dad!sos origins fic i wrote. basically just 4k of Calum learning to be a dad. this is based entirely on Sweet Disposition by the Temper Trap. it is written in 6 different vignettes, each based on the 6 things mentioned in Sweet Disposition’s chorus: a moment of love, a dream aloud, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs. feel free to read this as a stand alone

title: from Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap 

Part 1

--

A moment of love

“You know what?” Beth said from a position behind Calum.

It was breakfast time, which meant Beth was scrambling eggs while Calum fed Lennon. They had only been living together for a month now, and there were a lot of adjustments he and Beth struggled with. Despite that fact, they had fallen easily into a comfortable routine for breakfast.

“You are almost the perfect man. But you’re missing something.” From the way she kept her tone light, Calum knew it was nothing serious.

So, he kept his attention focused on his daughter, opening his mouth to signal Lennon to do the same. When Lennon mirrored his action, Calum placed the spoonful of Cheerios into her mouth.

“Good girl,” he cooed at his daughter. To Beth, he asked, “And what am I missing?”

“You haven’t seen any of my favorite early two thousands TV shows.”

Calum rolled his eyes, shaking his head mutely. He knew Beth wouldn’t see the action with both their backs turned to each other, so he did it more for the benefit of Lennon. She giggled before opening her mouth for another spoonful. Calum obliged.

“I can’t believe you remember that. We had that conversation three years ago.”

“I never forget a traumatic experience, Calum.”

He turned to look at her finally. She was partitioning the eggs, one plate for him, one plate for her. On each plate, she placed half the eggs, a slice of toast and half an avocado. As she came to the table, Calum took his plate from her. Lennon took over feeding herself, grabbing small slices of strawberries from a plate next to her, using her round fingers to drop them in her mouth one by one.

“Luckily for us, I know just how to fix it!”

Beth’s brilliant idea was a movie night. Well, technically a Bi-Weekly Early 00s Movie & TV Show Binge Watching Night, but Lennon and Calum both agreed that was too much of a mouthful, so they just called it a movie night.

The first of the movie nights happened on a Tuesday when Beth claimed her first early 00s show as a victim. It was The Powerpuff Girls - as revealed to him when Beth paraded Lennon into the kitchen wearing her brand new Powerpuff Girls pajama set. Lennon looked pleased with herself, her curly hair falling in waves messily as she strutted into the kitchen and placed a hand on her hip.

“Oh, we’ve got a model on our hands!” Calum exclaimed, and Lennon giggled softly at her father.

Eventually, they settled on the couch together, Beth a glass of wine in her hands, Calum with Lennon and a bucket of popcorn on his lap. They watched the first few episodes together, and Calum was struck by how animated his little girl was. She laughed and pointed and made observational comments as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup kicked ass on screen. It was not the first time Calum noticed the way she seemed to be in constant motion – in fact, Calum knew it was a trait she got from Beth. Watching the both of them together for a full month meant that Calum could pinpoint which traits Lennon got from Beth, which she got from Calum, and which were all her own.

About halfway through the third episode, Lennon began to droop against Calum, her spirited motions giving way to her need for sleep. Enraptured, Calum watched as she laid her head against his chest, yawning and fighting the pull for a moment before finally closing her eyes. She had one hand gripping Calum’s shirt, the other slung halfway across his chest. Every now and then her hand or her eyelids would twitch as her body responded to something in her dreams. It took a full episode for Beth to notice that Lennon had fallen asleep on him.

“Oh!” She exclaimed when she finally realized. “I didn’t even notice she had fallen asleep. I’ll take her and get her ready for bed.”

Standing up, Beth was about to lean down and remove Lennon from Calum’s chest. But then Calum felt a deep pang in his heart, and he was struck by how much he did not want to let go of his daughter. Not just yet. He looked down at the toddler he had known for only a month and realized how much he loved her. No one had ever wormed their way into Calum’s jaded heart so quickly.

“It’s okay,” He said, standing up and repositioning Lennon in his arms. “I’ll do it.”

Beth didn’t complain – she took one look at the adoration in his eyes and nodded. “Let me know if you need any help.”

.

.

.

A Dream Aloud

Just because Calum had a child to take care of didn’t mean he could bail on coffee dates with Ashton. Or at least that was what Ashton informed him after the first couple of months he, Beth, and Lennon spent holed up from the outside world trying to get used to each other.

Calum’s response had been a resolute, “Fuck off.” That is until Beth began complaining about how much she missed having time for herself. So, they came up with a compromise. Calum would go get coffee with Ashton at least once a week, and he would take Lennon with him. That way, Beth got at least an hour or two to reset from the demands of being a mother (and teaching Calum how to be a father).

Admittedly, Calum was nervous the first time he took Lennon out with Ashton on his own. There were some things about being a father that were not innate to him. He was ashamed to admit it. Naturally, he knew the basics – when she cried, he went to her; when she laughed, he laughed with her; when she got hurt, he took care of her. But that was where his instincts stopped. He wasn’t always good at telling why she was crying, he was still figuring out what made her giggle, and whenever she got hurt, she only wanted Beth to take care of her.

When he explained all this to Beth, she had seemed so sure he would get the hang of it. Beth quickly became someone in his life that he did not want to let down. So, when she kissed him on the cheek and said, “Call me if you need me,” on the day of his first date with Ashton, Calum was determined not to need her, whatever the circumstances.

The day was tame as far as coffee dates went. They were at a small place in downtown LA that served both iced coffee and ice cream to indulge the two babies he was taking care of that day.

It was early morning, so the ice cream parlor was relatively empty. All three of them were standing in line behind a pair of girls who were holding hands, occasionally bumping shoulders, kissing, and all around taking their time in ordering. He and Ashton were having an in-depth conversation about a beat that Luke wanted to lay on one of their songs while they waited.

Then, it happened.

Lennon moved from her father’s side to glance in the display case at the varied flavor selection. When she found the one she wanted, she pulled at her dad’s hand to get his attention. Calum was so engaged in his discussion turned argument that he missed the first time that she said it.

She tugged at him and said a little louder, “Daddy.”

Calum immediately stopped speaking, inclining his head down, all his attention on his little girl. She had never called Calum that before. He thought it was a dream that would never see reality. There were so many times when he would hear the word “Mommy” from Lennon and be sure she would never call him the same.

“Yes, baby?” he responded, but his voice came out hoarse. Rapidly blinking, he tried to keep the tears of joy at bay as he turned his attention to his daughter.

“Want chocolate!” She exclaimed, pulling them towards the direction of the display case. At that moment, Calum would have given her anything she wanted.

Later, he does cry as he relays the day’s events to Beth. Through tears, he bites out, “Sometimes I just feel so inadequate as a father.”

“None of that matter’s Calum.” She was standing in between his legs, running her hand through his hair as his forehead rested gently against her stomach. “All that matters is that you love her unconditionally. And I know Lennon thinks so. And she loves you just as much.”

.

.

.

A Kiss

After the first few months, it got easier for Beth to leave Lennon with Calum. There were not only Calum’s parenting insecurities to work through. Beth had brought demons with her from New York, and they sometimes sent her into a depression so deep she refused to leave her bed much less the house. So, they always took the time to celebrate small victories: her first yoga class, when she started hanging out with Crystal again, and the day she decided to start taking classes and get her diploma to name a few.

Beth and Lennon had a simple ritual for parting ways. Anytime she made to leave, Beth would give Lennon a kiss, ruffle her hair, and they would repeat, “Love you, always.”

For a while, Calum only watched this exchange from the sidelines. He did most of the staying home, which worked out perfectly as Calum never felt particularly inspired to go out anyway. Not to mention, Calum began to love the days he spent bonding with his daughter. They hold out against getting a sitter for as long as possible, but one afternoon Calum had an awards show to attend, and Beth had a meeting with a college counselor, and they had no choice.

“Maybe, I just shouldn’t go to the show.” Calum was worrying his lip as he watched Beth put on her earrings in front of the mirror in her room.

She caught his eyes through the mirror and shot him an unimpressed. “She’s going to be fine Calum. It’s only two hours between you leaving for to Ashton’s to get ready and me getting home. And Ashton’s is just next door!”

“I’m just worried.” This would be his first time leaving Lennon with someone other than Beth since they had moved to California. He realized it was easier for Beth as she had been leaving Lennon for work and other important emergencies since birth. Not due to negligence, of course, but rather from the dependence on others being a single mother demanded.  

Beth sighed as she put on the matching earring. “I know, babe. It’s hard the first time. But we’ve vetted the sitter. We trust her. She will be fine.”

Calum still looked noticeably distressed from his position on Beth’s bed.

Beth sighed again

“Okay, how about this,” Beth began. “Why don’t you and the boys get ready here instead of at Ashton’s? That way, you don’t have to say goodbye until the last second. And then it’s only an hour between you saying goodbye to the sitter, and me coming home.”

Reluctantly, Calum agreed. He got dressed early, and he and Lennon sat on the floor watching all Lennon’s uncles get ready for the ceremony.

“You’re pretty,” Lennon had cooed when Luke had finished smearing glitter over his eyelids and adding a slight red tint to his lips. Luke had beamed harder than he would receiving any award that night. Lennon also spent some time dancing to Nickelback with her Uncle Ash and laughing with her Uncle Mikey. By the time it was time to go, all four boys were feeling the reluctance that had overtaken Calum earlier.

“I will be sure to call Beth if anything goes wrong,” the sitter was saying as she held out her arm for Lennon. Calum held on to her for a moment, not wanting to give her over. From outside, he could hear car doors shut. All the boys had said their goodbyes and were already inside the vehicle.

“Text me too,” he demanded. “If anything goes wrong.”

“Of course, Mr. Hood.” The sitter was gracious. She had obviously seen Calum’s brand of helicopter parenting before. “But it’s only an hour. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

Calum sighed, knowing it was time. Unwillingly, he handed over his daughter. “Bye, Lovebug,” he said, waving to her as she settled into the stranger’s arms.

“Wait!” Lennon called out reaching back to him. Then, puckering her lips, she asked, “Kiss?”

Calum couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face even if he wanted to. He leaned down and kissed her once.

“Love you, always.” She said as he moved away from her again.

Calum smiled impossibly wider. He repeated her sentiment and waved to her once before walking out the door.

.

.

.

A Cry

Lennon’s uncles and aunts end up spending a lot of time at Calum’s house during that first year. The problem was that Lennon was a crowd favorite. First, it was just Ashton. In addition to his hour-long coffee dates with Lennon once a week, he had a knack for popping up at Calum’s house uninvited almost every day of the week. When Calum confronted him about it, Ashton had expressed concern that his favorite (and only) niece did not spend enough time with him. Mali lived with them for the entire month of January. Sierra, Crystal, and Kay Kay, not wanting to be bested in the “Favorite Aunt” department, all but moved in during that time as well.

It was a chilly January afternoon. Ashton, Luke, Calum, and Michael were sitting in Calum’s home studio, bouncing lyric and riff ideas off of each other. The girls were all outside with Lennon somewhere. The door that joined Calum’s studio to his deck was open, and through it Calum could hear the giggles and idle chatter of the five girls. Calum had luckily gotten over his separation anxiety from Lennon and was unworried, even now as Lennon sat by the fire pit with the women he considered sisters.

Ashton was evangelizing again. Lately, he was more concerned about the more profound philosophical meaning they could infuse in their lyrics, and Calum had heard him rant about it a million and one times. Calum tried to hide a chuckle as he thought about their iconic “I know now/ that I’m so down.” There were never any concerns about the deeper meaning of anything back then. All at once, he was overwhelmed by how much his life had changed in the few short years since they first started singing those lyrics. He looked around, realizing that he had established for himself a home and a family.

It was that moment of awe that was shattered by a piercing scream. Calum was out of his seat in an instant, Dad instincts taking over before he had the time to form a coherent thought. Racing down his deck, his mind comes up with a million different horrifying scenarios. In the few seconds it took for him to move from his studio to the fire pit, he managed to imagine everything from Lennon stubbing her toe to her falling into the fire pit. Luckily, it’s neither. She had fallen while running away from Sierra, which led to her scraping her knee. It was a small little scratch, nothing that a little Neosporin and a band-aid couldn’t fix, but Lennon still screamed at the pain anyway.

Calum recognized that scream. It was Lennon’s “I’m hurt, and I want my mom” scream. As gently he took her from Sierra’s arms, he asked no one in particular to call Beth.

In the end, however, Beth wasn’t needed.

“I’m going to need you to be a brave girl for me, okay?” Calum asked, positioning Lennon on his lap. Mali was knelt in front of him with the antiseptic in one hand and a band-aid in another. Mali made quick work of cleaning and bandaging the cut while Calum spoke in hushed tones to his daughter.

“I love you so much, brave girl.” He found himself cooing over and over. He was surprised to find Lennon quiet in his arms. It was one thing he was self-conscious over – his inability to comfort Lennon in the way Beth always could. But for the very first time on that late January afternoon, Lennon did not need Beth. Her dad was everything and more. She grabbed onto her daddy’s shirt and would not let go for the rest of the night. No matter the amount of coaxing from Sierra and Mali, she stayed firmly attached to her father.

That night, Lennon would not even let Beth put her to sleep. For once in the short time that Calum spent getting to know his child, he felt all his insecurities about being a father fade away.

.

.

.

Our Rights

Calum spent weeks planning Lennon’s third birthday. He knew that it wasn’t likely she would remember it in its entirety, but it was as much for her aunts’ and uncles’ benefit as it was for her. Everyone in their little family loved any excuse to spend time with Lennon. So, they packed everyone up and brought them to an amusement park. It was a small local park with carnival games and plenty of kid-friendly rides.

Apparently, the fact that it was Princess Lennon’s birthday meant her feet were never to touch the ground. Or at least that’s what Calum’s bandmates seemed to think. Ashton carried her on his shoulders until Mikey won her the famed Chameleon Miti, and her grip on Ashton's head was compromised by her need to also hug her chameleon. Then Sierra and Kay Kay took turns carrying her around on their hips.

Calum and Beth weren’t really needed.

They hung back for most of the day, watching as their daughter had the time of her life, laughing with her uncles and aunts.

“I love our little family,” Beth had whispered as they all stood around watching Ashton and Luke trying to best each other at one of the park’s strength tests.

Calum looked around at all the faces gathered to celebrate his daughter. Yeah. He really did love their little family. He couldn’t believe that just a couple of years before, he hadn’t wanted anything like this. Now, he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Eventually, it started to get later, and Lennon started to get crankier. She cried for her parents from her position in Sierra’s arms and only quieted when she was returned to her father. They called it a day then. Everyone dropped a kiss to Lennon and an inordinate amount of gifts in the back of Calum’s Range Rover. Lennon was almost asleep by the time they’d buckled her into her car seat.

She was still clutching her chameleon as she blinked up at her dad sleepily.

“Love you, daddy,” she whispered as her dad connected the complicated series of buckles to her car seat.

“I love you too, angel.”

“Best day ever.”

Then, quieter, before slipping into slumber, she said, “Best daddy ever.”

When he climbed into the driver’s seat, Beth was looking at him with a playful smile on her face. “You okay to drive with those tears in your eyes?”

“Shut up,” Calum grumbled, reversing out of the parking spot. They drove in silence before Calum finally had to get his thoughts off of his chest.

“I just - Is it vain to say that I feel like we’re doing a kick-ass job here? She’s happy. We have a good support system for her, and I -”

Beth grabbed the hand that had been resting on the gear shift and brought it up to her lips, effectively cutting him off. “We are doing a tremendous job.”

He met her eyes for a minute, noting the sincerity there. “Honestly,” she joked when he turned back to the road. “We just may be the best parents ever.”

A wave of happiness washed over Calum again. Out of everyone he had ever met or had ever been with, he couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone other than Beth. Calum wasn’t one to believe in soulmates - he never was. But then again, he hadn’t met Beth yet. She felt like his complete other half. Her and Lennon were all it took for Calum to feel at home. He thought back to the 11 months they had spent together. Thought about the way Beth carefully sculpted him into the father Lennon needed.

“Are you happy?” The words were out of Calum’s mouth before he realized he asked them. He wanted assurance that he was doing everything right. He knew in his heart what her answer would be before she said it.

“Oh Calum Hood,” Beth shot him an almost blinding smile. “You have no idea.”

.

.

.

Our Wrongs

Calum’s heart wasn’t in it. All through their interview, he sat quietly at the back of the group, his thoughts at home with Lennon and Beth. It had been three weeks since he last saw them. He missed them like crazy. He missed waking up next to Beth every morning, he missed Lennon running into his room and soon as she awoke, he missed their breakfast rituals and even the point in the day when one of his band members would inevitably show up at his door unannounced. With a sigh, he tried to remind himself that this was a necessary evil. The band had taken an indefinite hiatus so he could spend some time with his daughter. Now, they were back with a press tour to promote their new album and tour.

But Calum couldn’t help thinking if he couldn’t make it through a few weeks without Beth and Lennon, how the hell was he supposed to make it through the few months they would spend on tour? Calum was so lost in thought, he almost missed it when the interviewer turned to ask him a question.

“Calum, you recently decided to share your daughter with the world.”

The narrative they had gone with was lacking in some details. Calum’s PR team didn’t share very much about Beth or their rocky beginnings, just that it had taken Calum a while to be able to share his daughter with the world. It was not technically a lie. But now that the secret was out there, people loved talking about it.

Not that Calum minded. His face lit up at the mention of his daughter.

“Yes!” He said. “Being a father - It’s amazing. One of the best things I’ve ever experienced.”

“And where’s your little girl now?”

His face fell. He wished more than anything that she was right there with him, that he could glance to Lennon and Beth behind the camera and say “Right here.” Unfortunately, that was not the case.

“At home with her mother.”

“You must miss her.”

You have no idea, Calum thought, but he didn’t get a chance to say it before the interviewer was moving on to the next question.

Once the cameras stopped rolling, Calum was the first one out of his seat. Before he even reached the door, he had a phone out, facetiming Beth. His little girl answered.

“Daddy!” She said with a giggle. Her curls were unruly as if she had just awoken from her nap. He could see Beth sat behind her, watching as they interacted on the phone.

“Hey, Princess.” Immediately, the weight that had been tugging at his heart lifted.

Then his heart sank again.

“Miss you,” Lennon said with a pout. “Come home.”

“Soon,” he promised. As he was saying it, he knew what he had to do. “Can I talk to mommy alone, angel?”

Satisfied with the promise of seeing her dad soon, Lennon handed the phone to Beth and scurried off.

“She really does miss you, you know,” Beth said by way of greeting. “She refuses to let me sing her to sleep. Says her daddy’s voice is better.”

Calum grinned at that - Beth did not have a great singing voice. Everyone in the house new that.

“Calum Hood, if you say one word about my singing voice, I’m filing for a divorce.”

“We’re not married,” Calum countered.

This was their new thing.

Beth would threaten divorce, Calum would pretend like she hadn’t been hinting at marriage for weeks and that he didn’t already have a ring burning a hole in his pockets, and Beth would respond with, “We’re basically married. You just need to put a ring on it.”

“Beth.” His tone turned serious. She might not know it yet, but their engagement was already all planned. He had a more pressing matter to discuss with her. “I messed up, didn’t I?”

She sat up immediately, noting the change in his demeanor. “What do you mean?” There was a frown finding her way onto his face.

“I mean, I messed up when I left you and Lennon at home.”

The frown slowly became a smile, “I was wondering when you’d come to your senses.”

Calum had the urge to explain himself. “I just thought that you would want to stay in the comfort of your home. Sometimes our schedules are hectic and-”

“Home is with you, you big dolt.”

Calum grinned, impossibly wide. “You guys wanna come on the world tour with us.”

Whatever answer Beth has planned gets drowned out by Lennon’s, “Yes, yes, yes!” in the background.

Calum took comfort in the realization that no matter the mistakes he made, his family would always be there for him.

--

end notes: i hope you liked it! a bitch really did not know that the lyrics to this song were “a dream a loud” all this time i thought it was “a dream, a laugh” so it’s a good thing i looked up the lyrics before writing. anyway!! sorry for spamming yall with notifs two days in a row. feel free to ignore. 

let me know what you think of calum, lennon & beth! love yall!

tag list: @5sosnsfw / @bloodmoonashton / @lukescaboose / @5sex-of-summa / @deviantnines / @halcyonnhood / @gh0st-0f-y0u-95 / @aspiringwildfire / @cal-pal-cuddles / @hotmessmichael / @hereforlukescruff/ @softforcal / @ohhmuke / @fratcalum / @calumamongmen / @ashtonandcalslefthand / @asht0ns-world / @colorful-queen-of-the-roses / @heavenlydrarry / @slowlyelectronictragedy / @myemptywallets / @pagesuponstpages / @fallfrxmgrace / @thefireisgone / @michaelorwhat / @dammitbands / @sugarcoated-pain / @sublimehood / @cal-puddies / @singt0mecalum / @irwinkitten / @myloverboyash

[amyscascadingtabs]

let me share this whole new world with you

In which there's a feverish four year old, a Disney movie and some singing.

This was a request from @alwaysandbeyond​ that I felt I needed to write; here you go bb! (Also, major thanks to @nevermindthewind​ for beta-reading and hyping me up about this you’re the freakin’ best)

read on ao3 

From the moment he first laid eyes on his firstborn child, Jake has realised there are many things about parenthood no amount of binders or parenting books could have ever prepared him for.

The all-consuming love is the first thing to come to mind. Immediately after, the sleep-deprivation. How intensely you can miss your kids as soon as they’re somewhere else. The way conversations with your significant other about your child’s bathroom habits become second nature. Just how intoxicatingly mellifluous the sound of baby laughter is.

Also the love. And the sleep-deprivation.

Least of all, he was never prepared for the devastating heartbreak of seeing your child sick.

He’s lived through his kids getting countless colds and several stomach flus - even fought his way through one case of chickenpox - and he’s still not used it. When Leah crawled into her parents bed somewhere around midnight with a burning hot forehead still claiming she felt cold, her detective parents and a digital thermometer quickly solved the case of their daughter’s random awakening; a temperature of a solid 103℉. Between the discomfort of being squeezed into a children’s bed next to a feverish child and said child waking up every ten minutes crying, Jake has acquired about an hour total of sleep.

Add to the equation that his one year old has recently started walking and thus needs constant supervision, plus the fact that they’re in the midst of packing up their apartment in order for the move to a bigger one that’s coming up in three short weeks, and he’d like to argue it’s nothing short of a miracle he’s still standing by the time he finally gets Olivia to go down for her afternoon nap.

Well, he’s not standing, per se. He’s on the couch, letting a still warm Leah dry her tears on his t-shirt after what appears to have been a distressing fever dream. Still counts.

“I don't want them to come back”, she whispers in the faint voice that’s breaking his heart.

He kisses her heated forehead. “It was just a dream, baby. Not real.”

“But it felt real”, she insists. “It was scary.” This version of his daughter - tired and anxious in contrast to her usual bubbly energetic self - is painful to see. He can’t stop wishing he could take the fever, pain and scary dreams from her so they’re no longer hers to deal with, but it turns out there is only so much you can do for your kids. He’s learning that the hard way.

“I know, Lee. I know. Hey, do you want something to eat?” He tries to remember if Amy did get their daughter to swallow anything other than apple juice or ice cream when the girl was last sick, but comes up short. “Pasta with butter?”

“Not hungry”, she whines, shaking her head.

“Chicken fingers?”

“No.”

“Some toast? Just some?”

“Nuh-uh.” He sighs.

“Is there anything you could consider eating, Lee-Bee? You can have whatever you want today.”

“Ice-cream.”

“Just ice-cream?” 

“Pink ice-cream. With sprinkles.” Leah shoots him a content grin at her suggestion. “The chocolate ones!” Jake laughs at that, remembering a similar comment from Amy during her first pregnancy when she survived to ninety percent on ice cream and orange soda for a few weeks while morning sickness was at its worst.

“You know, sometimes I think your mom ate so much ice cream when she was pregnant with you that a small part of you became just ice cream.” This makes his daughter laugh as well.

“Daddy, you’re being silly.” He gently ruffles his daughter’s hair and presses a kiss to her warm forehead before answering.

“That is what I do best. How about I get you some ice cream, and you pick out a movie to watch?” She nods in anticipation, climbing down from his lap to make her way over to the box of kids DVDs next to the TV. Between ones they’ve bought and ones they’ve gotten from Terry or the Santiago brothers it’s an impressive collection, but Leah seems to know exactly what she’s looking for today and swiftly holds up a familiar blue cover before Jake has even found a clean bowl for her lunch request.

“You want to watch Aladdin today? Ooh, that’s a good one. Can I watch it with you?” Leah mumbles in agreement before taking her place on the couch again, wrapping the pale blue comforter around herself like a cocoon. It’s an utterly sweet image to him, the child’s pouting face reminding him of her mother’s, and for a short second he’s not as heartbroken by seeing her ill as he was a few minutes ago.

They’re twenty minutes into the movie when the familiar sound of a door unlocking is heard. Leah’s attention doesn’t divert from what’s happening on the TV - Aladdin’s just met Jasmine for the first time - but Jake’s face lights up when Amy enters, grocery bag in hand and soft expression on her face as she finds her husband and oldest daughter cuddling together on the couch.

(Six years married and nine years together, and every day he marvels over the fact that he gets to share a life with someone as amazing as she is.)

“What are you guys watching?” She asks, toeing off her shoes and leaving the bag on the counter. “Ooh, Aladdin. Is it any good?”

“Yeah.” Leah is still fully focused on the screen, squinting when her mom kneels down to kiss her daughter's forehead. “Mama, you’re blocking the screen.”

“I’m sorry, mija. Do you think I can watch with you?” Her daughter makes a contemplating face, but then nods and Jake scooches to the side to make place for his wife. He gets a quick peck on the lips from her, knowing full well that’s about how much intimacy between them their four year old will tolerate happening in front of her before calling both of her parents disgusting.

(Kids go through interesting stages, to say the least. They’re both hoping this one will be over soon.)

A few minutes before A Whole New World is about to begin the unmistakable sound of a toddler crying is heard from their bedroom and Amy leaves to go get their youngest daughter. She only just makes it back in time before the song starts, now bouncing a sleep-dazed one year old on her hip. Jake can’t help but hum along to the melodic tones, resulting in cheerful giggling from Leah.

“You sing, Daddy.”

“Oh, no.” He scrunches his nose and shakes his head at her. “You know I can’t sing.”

“You heard her”, Amy agrees, already sounding amused. “Bust out that singing voice, Peralta.”

“You sing Jasmine’s parts, Mama.”

“Oh god.”

“Hah! You’re in this with me, Santiago”, he teases her before clearing his throat. “I can show you the world…”

It’s not beautiful by any means. In fact, it’s so off-key he’s not sure it’s technically the same song any longer. But his daughter seems pleased, even more so when Amy dutifully joins in for Jasmine’s parts. She even dances around a little, adding a few careful spins at the refrain that has Olivia shrieking with laughter and shooting her mom the kind of disarming, cheeky smile only a toddler can manage. Leah seems to have forgotten all about her fever, even making her way out of her dad’s arms to do some pirouettes in her pajamas. Amy holds her hand for assistance when the girl sways a little, and Jake loses track of his lines for a moment at the sight of them; the woman he loves more than he ever thought it was possible to love someone, dancing and laughing with the kids he somehow loves even more.

He’s never been any good at math, but he doubts anyone could solve that equation.

When the song is over, all family members return to the couch. There’s an exchange of kids when Olivia reaches for her dad and Leah gets to cuddle with her mom instead, barely protesting the kisses Amy presses to her hairline when the movie picks up again. For a moment there’s nothing but peaceful silence, and he’s almost closed his eyes for a moment’s rest when his oldest daughter makes an observation.

“Iago”, she repeats when the parrot’s name is mentioned. “Like Santiago?”

“That’s exactly it”, Jake confirms, smirking when he remembers a conversation many, many years ago. Why his goldfish brain has held onto it, he’s not sure. “Emphasis on Iago, backstabber”, he says with a wink at his wife.

“I’m surprised you’ve read Othello”, she quips back without missing a beat.

“What’s Othello?” Leah asks before Jake has time to respond. “We were talking about the parrot from Aladdin.”