#and breakdown crying when i find out somewhere cares at all about me

[haeryna]

in my dreams you love me back (i still love you) ↪ gojo satoru x reader x geto suguru ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

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summary: soft moments with shoko keep your heart soft as well, but suguru finds something that he wasn't supposed to.

tw: sfw but vague mentions of losing your virginity. your mother MEDDLES but let's be real, we'd do the same. allusions to the bible for the aesthetic but also because i like the imagery of the themes. not proofread.

notes: title taken from red velvet's "in my dreams." the second half of "i would give up heaven if i had to." another short chapter because i split it in two originally! banner from @/cafekitsune

"You look like shit."

You can't stop the huff that escapes your mouth as Shoko peers at you from your phone, propped up against your rice cooker. She's somewhere in the United States right now, attending a medical conference. She isn't wrong; your ten minute break in the bathroom had turned into a full-blown half hour breakdown. Thankfully, none of your coworkers pointed out the redness of your eyes and the sallow tint to your skin. Your manager had practically forced you to go home early. They all assumed that you had broken down about how the Gojo Satoru had demanded you be the one to make his drink. At this point, you were too tired to correct them.

"I just got back from the cafe, leave me alone." Yawning, you reach for a bowl. "I'm starving and exhausted, and now you're going to yell at me, Sho?"

You can hear the heavy exhale, and the camera blurs as she lets out a cloud of cigarette smoke. "I never said that. Did you see them today?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Nobody else can make you cry that hard, and I know it wasn't me."

You hesitate for a moment. "Mom thinks I should hear them out."

"Personally, I would tell them I'll speak to them after a down payment of 5k."

"Shoko!"

But your laughter fills the air, and you can catch Shoko's self-satisfied smirk from the other end. "There she is." A soft haze fills your screen as her voice softens. "Do I need to fly back and tell the two of them to fuck off?"

"I can tell them to leave myself," you protest, but Shoko gives you a deadpan stare. "Okay, well, maybe it'll be hard."

As the silence falls, warm and comfortable, you bustle around the kitchen, spooning rice into your bowl of leftovers. The air is warm, and despite your exhaustion, you can't help but appreciate the dreaminess of the evening. Shoko watches you, dark eyes unreadable. "What?" you finally ask, curiosity lacing your voice.

"Just be careful," she sighs. "Satoru and Suguru will probably do some crazy shit to get you to notice them. I just don't want those idiots to scare you."

"They don't care enough to do that," is your sardonic reply, and this time, it's her turn to laugh.

"If you really think that, then you're blinder than I thought."

He is breaking me down on every side, and now it's too late for me; he has uprooted my hopes like a tree.

When the number of your old landline rings on Suguru's cellphone, he almost blocks it out of habit before he registers the last four digits. Panicking, he immediately accepts the call.

"Hey, is everything okay? I-"

Your mother's voice chirps back at him, a bit staticky from the old phone that he knows she'd insisted on keeping installed in the kitchen. "Suguru, dear, could you do me a favor?"

Ingrained instinct forces a "yes ma'am," from his mouth before he can even process the request. He can practically hear the smile in your mother's voice. "It won't take too long, don't worry. My back has been aching an awful amount after my last surgery, but I've been meaning to wear some of my old church clothes to Bingo Night. Would you mind grabbing it for me?"

The attic is cluttered and old, and the dust stings his eyes, but Suguru can't bring himself to complain as he begins to rummage through boxes. It feels like seeing you again, like being your Suguru again, as he unearths old photo albums, and stuffed toys. There was the rabbit you used to carry around all the time. A picture frame, of you, Shoko, Satoru, and Suguru one summer afternoon. Carefully, he wipes away the dust, smiling at the memory. You'd lost your front tooth that summer; now, it was forever memorialized.

Finally, he reaches a small collection of boxes in the back. The dress lays draped over a small stack of boxes, but as he grabs it, one topples over, spilling its contents all over the floor.

Suddenly, selfishly, Suguru is grateful that Satoru stayed behind back in their hotel room, because inside the cardboard box is envelopes. At least thousands of them, crammed into each possible corner, dates written on the front in the same handwriting you've had since high school. He tears open another box, only to find the same. Three whole boxes of letters. Selfish hope and heavier dread sinks into his skin like the dust that is slowly falling to the floor; Suguru has unearthed something that he knows he's not supposed to see.

Was this how Adam felt, holding the forbidden fruit in his hand? Which was stronger; the will of God, or the love of man?

"You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.

He's almost frantic as he searches for the first letter, scattering them around himself until he finds it; labelled a week after Suguru had taken Satoru with him to pursue what they had believed to be an impossible dream. Suguru hesitates only for a moment, until with one decisive swipe, he rips the flap from the waxy paper beneath. This one is addressed to him.

Suguru,

My parents put me in therapy. Remember how we always used to joke that if anyone needed it, it would be you? Why did you leave me? What did I do wrong? It hurts, Sugu, why, why, why My therapist thinks that keeping letters will help, and my parents want me to at least give it a try. Mom won't say anything, but I know she's concerned. Dad's already torn into Toru's parents, so the whole town is fully aware of what they've done. Shoko says that they're practically livid with shame, skulking around the town as that'll fix their reputation. You missed it; there was one night when the fireflies came back, and I swear they filled the entire sky. It was beautiful. It reminded me of the first time we met, do you remember that?

I wish you'd been here to see it. I'm sorry, Suguru. I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough to take along. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I love you. I hope you're safe. I hope you're taking care of Toru for me.

I love you so much that it's hard to be mad.

Water drips down onto the ink of where you'd signed your name, and with a start, Suguru realizes he's crying. Gently folding the letter, he sets it aside, and reaches for the next one.

Mom and Dad have what Grandma had. I'm scared, Toru. I wish you were here. You'd always say something silly that would make me forget for even a moment.

Another.

I saw you on the television today, Toru. You're so beautiful it hurts.

Another.

I've given up on properly going to college. They're so sick that I'm terrified to leave them alone.

More. More. More.

I try my best not to listen, but the radio in the coffee shop plays the songs you make, Sugu. I hate it, but it's selfish of me. The girl you sing about, does Toru get along with her? Does she make you happy?

He can't stop himself from reading any more than he can stop the tears pouring down his face. They'd missed so much of your life, and yet you'd dutifully written letter after letter, as if you'd planned on them seeing it. Like you hoped they would come back some day. The next letter was only written two years ago, but it turns Suguru's blood to ice.

I saw the scandal on one of the gossip magazines while I was out shopping for groceries, Toru. The Chanel model? Really? I was kind of hoping for the Gucci one, she seems so nice to her assistant.

I say this like you're a celebrity. A celebrity that I can just laugh at, and say "must be nice, having supermodels fall into your lap!" You were mine, once, long before you were hers. I love loved you.

I did something stupid, last night. Remember Kenji, from high school? The one you always hated? I can't even explain it, how furious I was, when I saw you with that model. You looked so happy, like it didn't matter that all your joy and abundance didn't come at my expense.

I ended up sleeping with him for the first time, with anyone for the first time really. I'm not going to write more; it's embarrassing, and it wasn't even good, but I think I'm more upset with myself. It doesn't matter.

It's not like you'll ever find out. Even if you do, it's not like you'll care.

It's not like my love mattered to you to begin with.

Suguru's chest feels as though someone has washed his heart in acid. On paper, the person you were after they left was more jaded. Less optimistic. You no longer spoke of things you wished they were able to experience with you, but rather all the things they'd left behind. You thought they didn't care, and as he forces his useless lungs to take another breath, he knows that he can't leave this town until he convinces you to come with him. As he stumbles down from the attic, dress in hand, your mother gives him a knowing stare.

"Did you find the dress I asked you to grab?"

"Yes ma'am," Suguru says numbly. It's all he says. It's all he can say. Your mother sighs, patting the chair next to her. "Why don't you call Satoru over, hm? Try some of the tea I bought. I remember your mother saying you only drink black. You really should call her more."

Why is light given to a man whose way is hid, and whom God hath hedged in?

"I'm home!" you call out, slipping your shoes off with one hand as you balance the full bag of groceries in the other. "Did you take your medi-"

The carrots drop to the floor as you take in the sight of Gojo and Geto sitting at your kitchen table with your mother of all people. "What the fuck?"

Geto's eyes are rimmed red, like he'd been crying, while Satoru stares at you with a hint of anguish. "What the fuck," you repeat again, dumbfounded. "Why are you in my house right now?"

Geto opens his mouth to speak, but your mother waves it away. "You know how bad my back's been lately, I really wanted to wear that old emerald dress your father got me, do you remember?"

Stunned, you can only nod.

"And, I didn't want to have you come all the way back from the city just to grab a dress for me, so I called over Suguru and Satoru to help me out," your mother finishes. You can't stop the panic from leaking into your voice.

"Where was the dress?"

From the look on their faces, you know that Geto and Gojo have found it. All the letters you were too weak to send, too weak to throw away. How much did they read?

"The attic, dear," is your mother's quiet response, and when you turn her attention to her, you can see the quiet love and encouragement in her eyes.

What's more important? The love for all the things they did do, or all the things they didn't?

White noises rushes into your head, and you can barely process your mother's departure. Something about Bingo Night? The door clicks shut and you're left with silence so profound that your body almost instinctively crumples in on itself. Suguru can't look you in the eyes, absentmindedly tracing the rim of the delicate porcelain teacup that looks comically small next to his calloused hands. Satoru merely watches, but you can see the tension in his neck, in the way his fingers flex around empty air.

So, you do the only thing you can do. You run.

Turning, you all but sprint up the stairs. You lied. You couldn't do this, couldn't face them, see them, hear them-

Toned arms reach around from behind, pulling you decisively to a well-defined chest. The air is forced out of your lungs as you yelp, squirming out of the hold, only to freeze as Satoru places his cheek on your head, nuzzling into your hair.

"I missed you."

Tears spring to your eyes but Satoru keeps going. "You were the only thing that kept us going. Our apartment was so shitty, we had to put cardboard on the floor just to keep warm. I thought of you all the time. I thought of which stage outfit you'd like better, how you would get along so well with the other members of the group. We didn't forget you. We love you too much for that."

"Stop," you choke out, as your legs crumple under you. Satoru catches you, tugging you further into him, as tears trickle down your face. A blurred shape; Suguru, kneeling in front of you, gently taking your hands in his.

"One chance, princess," he breathes. "Give us one chance to explain ourselves. After that, we'll do whatever you want, give you whatever you want. We've only ever been yours."

[acid-ixx]

I truly LOVE THIS SERIES!!! I also read the reader as female too. I really like how you delve into damiens mind on this one. He is the one I was curious about the direction you will take him in with dealing with reader. I especially can't wait for Jason's too. Will any of the batfam be romantic toward reader in future chapters?

directory !

a/n: tysm for liking it so far !! for me i prefer it if the reader is gn/male (since im also a trans guy and it's hard to find content of my preference. it's funny how a lot of ppl in my inbox call me a girl bec i am not 😭). also none of them are going to turn romantic later on. i prefer strictly writing them as platonic in the series since it's often stated that they see you purely as their sibling who differs entirely from them. although i might make another series where it is romantic yandere, but for the a&a series, they're all platonic.

yeah, damian so far is a really complicated case. both him and the reader share a trait for contradicting feelings and that really ties with them being the only ones having blood ties in the family. which drives damian's obsession even further because in my opinion he's the most perceptive (and one of the least delusional alongside jason) of your emotions, knowing the right words to tick you off or make your vulnerable.

damian is also pretty touch-starved for a sense of normalcy that he couldn't achieve with his siblings who are raised to be crimefighters (so the way he sees his relationship towards his siblings would be more of a vigilante partner than family), but once he's matured enough, he'll soon realize just how much he craves for affection. having someone like you, who's the one trying to just live, and sharing blood with him (because despite trying to distance himself away from his assassin past, he'll always have this toxic mindset of "blood is thicker than water" and you're proof of that), damian pretty much demands attentions left and right.

when i mean he demands your attention, that means he also needs affection, both physical and emotional. that means he wants you to coddle him the same way dick coddles you. he wants to bond with you through quality time so that means you'll always find your schedule packed with activities you'll spend with damian, to both make up for lost time and as a quiet apology towards you that, no, he's not gonna threaten you with a sword anymore— he even makes a show of keeping his weapons somewhere far away from you, that your baby brother is vulnerable towards you and he means no harm.

his methods of gaining your spotlight are really inconvenient, but don't point it out because all he'll do is pout towards you whilst he'd grab your hand, preferably to take you somewhere away from all your other siblings who are trying their damn best also trying to take your attention.

meanwhile jason is more protective and would rather not let you go through the same path as he did; being impulsive and letting yourself get in danger. unfortunately, the reader in the series is already pretty much in their worst state and that makes jason's need to protect you from harm's way (just like bruce), especially right after meeting him in the series would make him realize that you weren't a replacement to him and that you both pretty much share the same trauma when it comes to seeing your mother being taken away from you.

just like dick, he pretty much sees you as a kid. but unlike dick, the more you show your impulsive actions and display breakdowns, the more he acknowledges that yes, you do have flaws and you need space so he won't shove his affection down your throat but he will make sure his angel is properly taking care of themself right after, he'll make drink water right after a crying session, make you eat something if you haven't, and if you're scared of criminals trying to target you in the streets, then don't worry because the red hood will guarantee to associate you with fear.

fear that if they even dare to lay their eyes on you, their eyeballs would be ripped out of their sockets. only god knows what would happen if jason were to find one of them having filthy intentions towards his angel.

unfortunately for you, if you don't like it when an intimidating, brooding man who considers himself your brother is standing by your door, then you're out of luck because he won't even budge unless you invite him over. his obsession with you is very subtle but unlike bruce with a no-kill code, jason won't hesitate putting a buller through someone's head once his angel is in danger.

though if you don't want to see jason snap, then it'd be better if you wouldn't put yourself in danger on purpose because he will get violent towards anyone who even tries to lay their hands on you and although his grip on your body is soft, as if making sure that he wouldn't be harming you; you would further increase the chances of being locked up in your own safe haven if you try to purposely get yourself killed because that gives him all the signs that you're incapable of taking care of yourself and he wouldn't want a repeat of what happened to him with you when it comes to any other criminals.

[weebsinstash]

Now don't get me wrong, I like how... calm and unbothered Alastor is, or at least tries to pass himself off as being

but like.... we know he's a drinker.... and we know certain details about him having an alcoholic abusive father who was cruel to his mother which heavily influenced his whole Dexter serial killer morality bs... and I can't help but think of a fic idea where Reader and Alastor are together and, suddenly without warning you break up with him BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HIM. you're like, legitimately heartbroken and missing him but you broke up for a good reason and, time passes and you dont see or hear from him, you're basically just going on with your life, and, MEANWHILE HE'S JUST SLOWLY DEVOLVING IN A PATHETIC LITTLE MEOW MEOW

His radio show comes on and he's SLURRING and people are aghast. Alastor is usually such a classy gentleman, so careful with his image??? Meanwhile he's in his radio station with several glasses of whiskey and staring at a wall lined with your photos while he's broadcasting, "ohhhh hEeeEy LiSteNers!! How-how are you all doing this.... 😡LOVELY😤 evening. Isnt..... isn't it... so nice to... spend time with loved ones when you need them? 🥴 WELL I WOULDNT KNOW HA HAH HA" *cue 30 straight uninterrupted seconds of unhinged laughing from a man clearly having an emotional crisis* "so on tonightsssshow I was-i wasszzz hoping to-to discussss-"

Like imagine tuning into his show after avoiding it because it broke your heart and it turns from him like, having an actual topic and planned structure of his show, to then, one day you overhear a broadcast and he's just occasionally slurring, saying really really vague shit about how "real men are supposed to be strong enough to protect and hold onto those they hold dear" and you can occasionally hear the THUNK of his whiskey glass hitting the table meaning he's already drunk but still drinking WHILE broadcasting and, oh honey you already sound so wasted you don't need more--

You guys don't understand. I want this man having a very PUBLIC very MESSY mental breakdown because he was CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU and you sat him down and told him you love him deeply but you need sex and you've cheated on him REPEATEDLY and EVEN THEN he was HARDCORE COPING, "w well as long as you promise it won't happen again-" "I cant and i won't. I love you but i cant repress this part of myself" LIKE YOU DECIMATE THIS MAN. Alastor's just beside himself because like, not without valid feelings but you're basically dumping him to fuck strangers. Like. I just. What if he literally had a ring box or was starting to realize he's demisexual on the ace spectrum and was starting to have Those Feelings for you and you're just. Breaking up with him, and all he hears is "sorry but having these disgusting men I don't even know hunch over on me grunting like disgusting animals and defiling me who is definitely way too good for them is way better than being with you my respectful funny classy charming totally-not-husband"

I want you to be walking down the streets of Hell and Vox suddenly comes on their equivalent of a jumbotron and he's visibly beside himself with excitement, "BREAKING NEWS, THE RADIO DEMON IS PISS DRUNK IN THE GUTTER LIKE A FUCKING LOSER, MORE NEWS ON THE SCENE" and it just snap cuts to him facedown in the street somewhere. Have you ever seen Intervention. You can have grown ass adults with successful careers and loving communities and when they find something that breaks them you'll be seeing shit like, children finding their mothers literally passed out in the yard because they were too drunk to get into the house or even WALK properly. So. You just. See him in this legitimately pathetic absolutely humiliating state and you can't help but feel that that's YOUR fault, meanwhile Vox is living his best fucking life, GOD FORBID VOX SEES YOU STANDING THERE CRYING ON THE SIDEWALK, he's then broadcasting your crying face all over Hell, "Hey Alastor even your EX is CRYING AT HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE, GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY LEFT YOU HUH" and like. The live feed of Alastor shows him just, struggling to even lift his head to look up to, wherever, and see your image there, looking absolutely devastated, looking at him with pity and heartbreak. oh, his sweet beloved, looking so distressed because you see him so weak...

Vox is just living it up mocking both of you but he's made several enormous mistakes by putting you on the air, especially looking like THAT, especially with Alastor in this mental state, and ESPECIALLY to mock you when you're already looking so broken. The feed cuts. All the TVs read "LOST SIGNAL" and nothing comes back on the news for the rest of the night. Less than a week later, the radios are on again, and Alastor sounds... completely back to normal? Chipper, even? And at first you're happy to hear he's all good and well, but, there's something about some of the things he's saying that are making you a little.... nervous?

"You know folks, it took me an EMBARRASSINGLY long while to realize that, a true traditional man puts the needs of others above himself, and especially the needs of his special somebody! One can't truly care for one's loved one properly if you're too boggled down with, FEELING SORRY for yourself right? How else are you going to... defend what's yours if you just lie down and take it?"

"So while I was off the air, good listeners, I was doing quite a bit of, spring cleaning, let's call it! Yes, I was... unfortunately very busy, having to wrangle up quite a few.... disgusting, insignificant, dirty, thieving PERVERTS!!!! ....but now that that's all good and done with, I'd certainly like to think these streets are a little more... respectable!"

"To end the broadcast tonight, a final word to all my fellow men out there. If you happen to discover that, for whatever reason, your beloved has run off with another? It was because you deserved it for being WEAK. You allowed another man to just, COME IN and... DESECRATE what is precious to you? Disgraceful. Pathetic. Ill-mannered. You cannot call yourself a worthy partner if you simply allow your beloved to waltz themselves into the mouth of danger, can you? So, a little piece of advice from your humble host here tonight: Take back what is yours. Take them back, do not let them go, and do not let anyone EVER soil your love ever again. ........Also hey! Don't forget that the annual Cannibal District Cook-Out is this coming weekend so be sure to--"

[stedesparasol]

Made Up Fic Title: Table for Two

Ed is sitting in his favourite diner in the middle of nowhere when a rather dishevelled looking man walks through the door, looking around a bit desperately for somewhere to sit.  His suit is all rumpled, his hair is a mess, he looks like he’s been crying.  There aren’t any free tables, but Ed is taking up a whole booth by himself, so he isn’t surprised when the man comes over and asks if he can sit opposite, really, he won’t be a bother.  Usually this is the point where Ed would say nah sorry mate, waiting for some friends (he definitely isn’t) but this guy… intrigues him.  So he nods, and the man flops down into the booth.

When the waitress comes over, he orders nothing but a black coffee, but if you asked Ed, he’d say the guy was already jittery enough.  ��Maybe get some food to go with that,’ he suggests.  Not that he, y’know, cares what this guy does, but if he’s gonna be hitting the road again soon, probably for the best he has something in his body other than caffeine, or whatever.  The dishevelled man looks at him like he can’t believe somebody actually cares about his food intake (seriously, his eyes got all watery and everything) and orders a sandwich.  Ed gets the feeling there’s definitely something weird going on with this guy.  Maybe he’s having a breakdown.  Maybe he’s just killed someone.  Whatever it is, Ed probably shouldn’t get involved.

‘So,’ he says anyway, once the waitress has walked away, ‘what brings you to the middle of nowhere?’

‘Oh, I’m running away from home,’ the man replies.

It takes Ed a minute to process this, given that the man is very clearly in his 40s, and that’s a strange thing for a man in his 40s to be doing.  But then the man – whose name is Stede, it turns out, Stede Bonnet, former vice president of Bonnet Industries, you may have heard of it – informs him that his father has just taken him out of the company and given his position to his childhood (and workplace) bully Nigel, and when Stede left to go home and break the news to his wife, he found her in bed with her painting instructor.

‘Obviously I’m not wanted by anybody,’ he says around a bite of his sandwich that arrived two minutes ago, ‘so I just got straight in the car and drove away.  No idea where I’m headed.  No idea where I even am, and the car’s out of gas, which isn’t ideal.  And I didn’t pack, which I’m starting to regret, because this suit isn’t really suited (pardon the pun) for a road trip, but I’m going to have to make do until I pass a good clothing store.  Although I don’t know how I’m going to do that when I’m stuck with a car that won’t move.’

And Ed really shouldn’t get any more involved in this – it sounds like the poor guy’s had a hell of a morning and is probably making some extremely rash decisions which he’s going to regret by tomorrow and is almost definitely going to start crying again in a minute – but on the other hand, it’s the most interesting thing to happen to him in ages.  ‘I know a good clothing store,’ he finds himself saying.

Stede looks up at him.  ‘You do?’

Ed nods, nudging his plate towards him.  ‘Finish your sandwich and I’ll drive you there.’

As of right now, Ed really doesn’t know whether he’s gonna end up driving this guy to a clothing store, a motel, or back home to hash things out with his wife, but what he does know is that he’s weirdly glad he let this bizarre little man take a seat at his table.

send me a made-up fic title and i’ll tell you what i would write to go with it ✌️

[nicoline1998enilocin]

I have a request for loki x fem!reader based on wandavision, where the reader is dead because of endgame or infinity war instead of loki, and he is not taking it well like AT ALL So one day, he storms in s.h.i.e.l.d and demands a funeral for the reader but they refuse. So he drives somewhere in Westview and just full-on cries and falls to his knees cause she gone and just yells out all his anger and loss and creates a whole reality and brings the reader back. And you know his happy with her but doesn't know that he took thousands of people hostage and their feeling his pain, and he doesn't even realize it. So he likes haves kids in the fake reality, and sword tries to get him to take it down, but of course, he doesn't until reader finds out about it all sensing about how their kids are the only ones in Westview and loki tries telling her their probably all sleeping or their all in their rooms but reader doesn't believe him and since the reader was so smart before she died she realizes that he trapped a whole town to recreate her and she tells him that she has to take the whole thing down but loki begs her because he doesn't want to leave his family but she tells him that it's alright and he takes it down and sees how much pain he put the people of Westview through. And then he creates another reality where his reading THE DARKHOLD. hope this is acceptable 🙏 😌.

Living our 'perfect' life | Part 1

PAIRING | Fiancé!Loki Laufeyson x Fiancée!Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 2.2K

SUMMARY | You won the fight against Thanos, but you weren't there to celebrate with all the others, since you didn't get to see it through to the end. Loki doesn't take it well and is hellbent on giving you the proper send-off you deserve, but when SHIELD dismisses him he goes on a warpath to get you back, and he doesn't care who he takes with him in his pain. All he wants is to live the life he desperately wanted, with you by his side.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. This fanfiction takes place right after the battle against Thanos in Avengers: Endgame, but the events I discuss definitely aren’t canon but just my imagination. Major angst, swearing, character death, nervous breakdown.

A/N | Thank you so so SO much for this amazing request @glitteryeggalmondherring, it gave me goosebumps from the moment I read it, and it gave me so many ideas I couldn’t wait to get started! This will be split into two parts, otherwise, it would be too long and I want each part to have its own storyline.

I hope that I could do your request justice and I hope you will enjoy what I wrote. I wasn't able to get through this without crying constantly because I felt so bad for Loki, so I will apologize in advance to anyone who couldn't get through this without tears! 🖤

Likes, comments and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Loki Laufeyson Masterlist | Part 2

Everyone around the two of you is celebrating, because you won the battle against Thanos. Not the two of you, however. You can't celebrate anymore, because you didn't get the chance to see the end of the fight, you were one of many casualties that happened during the fight. And your fiancé Loki was holding you in his arms, clutching you closely to his chest while his sobs tore through the entire battlefield. No one seems to notice, however, because they're all too busy with their cheers, celebrations, and their big win. But not Loki, because he would never celebrate another win ever again. Not without you by his side.

''No, no, no, darling, please! Please don't leave me, I need you by my side,'' Loki sobs as he's clutching your body close to him, his head resting on your lifeless chest. No more heartbeat to be felt, no more breath to be heard, no more movement to be seen. When he looks into your eyes he sees nothing but emptiness. Staring into nothing, cold, lifeless eyes staring back at him. Those eyes he fell in love with years ago, that always showed nothing but love for him, that looked at him with nothing but adoration, but that could also be looking so good when you were completely fucked out underneath or on top of him.

''Y/n, please,'' is the last thing he says as he holds you close to him. He can't talk anymore due to how much he's been crying, his throat is completely raw and his voice is practically non-existent. He screamed so much, heart-wrenching screams and cries could be heard for miles and miles, yet no one cared. No one but him, or so he thought. Because looking from a small distance was Thor because Loki isn't the only one who lost you that faithful day, Thor lost the woman he loved like his sister, but he's keeping his pain inside, trying to be strong for Loki. He allowed a few tears to stream down his cheeks, but he quickly got himself back together as he walked over to his brother.

''Brother, she's gone. There's nothing we can do for her,'' he says, almost matter-of-factly, and it scares Loki a little. Usually, he was the one who was cold, direct, and didn't care about what others felt. But when it comes to you, he would give everything to be in your place. You deserved to live such a long life, but you didn't get the chance. You don't get to live the life you'd always dreamt of, the one you and Loki have talked about so many times. The one that got ripped away from you without a second thought. Loki could do nothing but sob, he couldn't think, he couldn't speak, he could barely breathe. The crying has taken over his entire being as he softly places kisses all over your face as a last goodbye.

Loki knows he has to leave you behind, but he can't get himself to do it. He can't get himself to set you down, get up and walk away. Doing that would mean goodbye. And he isn't ready for that, he would never be ready to say goodbye to the love of his life. ''I can't,'' he whispers, and Thor just sits down by his side. He knows that there is no point in convincing him otherwise. Shortly after, the other Avengers are slowly sitting around the two of you in a big circle. Everyone is either crying, looking at you and Loki, or holding each other tight as they're starting to accept the fact that their teammate is no longer with them.

No one says anything, just letting Loki do what he has to to let you go. But he can't, he will never be able to let you go, because this goodbye wasn't supposed to happen. He had closed your eyes by now because he wasn't able to look at your eyes without feeling a sharp pain across his chest. He did notice all the Avengers surrounding the two of you, and he felt like your entire family was here, grieving you. He knows he isn't alone in this, but it hurts him so much, he can't think about anything else but you. Your smile, your laughter, your mischievous looks, oh how he loved those looks when you thought of a new plan to annoy or prank someone.

That is exactly the reason he fell for you, and he fell hard. Literally. Because when you were relatively new to the Avengers, you heard about the God of Mischief himself and immediately thought of a plan to prank him. It was such a simple, stupid trick but it worked wonders every single time, and you almost peed yourself from laughter when it worked. You were in the kitchen and told everyone who was there, that you hung a string in the hallway to the kitchen, except for Loki. All the others noticed it and stepped over it, but Loki didn't, and since he was in a heated discussion with Thor (who almost tripped too, thank you very much), he never noticed it and fell flat on his face, a deep groan leaving his chest as he went down, and a loud thud could be heard when he made contact with the floor.

You immediately started laughing so hard your stomach started to hurt, and you could barely breathe, laying on the floor trying to catch your breath, and it was the most wonderful thing Loki had ever seen. When he got up he wanted to get mad, but when he saw you it all melted away instantly, and he knew he was a goner from that moment on. ''So, you're the one who pulled this little stunt?'' Loki asked when you were finally able to breathe again, and you nodded with a wide smile. ''I can't believe I managed to get the literal God of Mischief with such a single prank!'' you said. ''I'm Y/N Y/L/N btw, it's nice to meet you,'' you said with an outstretched hand, which he took in his hand and brought to his lips, placing a soft kiss on your knuckles. ''Loki Laufeyson, it's an absolute honor to meet you,''.

When he thought back to that moment he smiled a little through his tears, shaking his head. ''You always loved to prank people,'' he whispered to you, as best as he could. ''And I loved you even more because of it,'' he said, remembering everything you did, either with or without him. Because when the two of you were together, no one in the Compound would be safe. ''I'm going to miss her,'' Steve said finally, and everyone agreed. ''We all love her, Loki, always remember that. She fought and died doing what she loved, and we will always love her. She will always be one of us, and I promise that she will never be forgotten,'' he then said, making Loki nod softly as he placed one more kiss on your forehead. ''I love you, darling. I promise that I will find you in every single lifetime after this one,'' and with those words, he set you down and got up. Walking away, because he couldn't handle staying there any longer.

~ One week after the battle ~

The last week has been hard for Loki, he barely came out of his room and hasn't eaten anything since he arrived back at the Compound. He hasn't talked to anyone either, he was grieving the loss of the woman he was going to marry soon. A marriage that would never take place now, and it ate away at him. The Avengers just let him be, only Thor came to check up on him every few hours. ''I'm going to get her the funeral she deserves,'' Loki suddenly says, already thinking of the plan that he was going to use. ''She doesn't deserve to just be shoved into a mass grave with all the other people that died,'' he said, tears staining his cheeks again. He has barely stopped crying, the only moments he didn't cry were when exhaustion took over his body and lulled him into a restless sleep filled with nightmares.

It isn't long after that, that Loki barges into the SHIELD headquarters, dead set on getting you the funeral you deserve, because you died a hero. He searched the entire building until he finally found the person he was looking for, the one and only Nicholas Joseph Fury himself. ''She needs to get the funeral she deserves, she doesn't get to be thrown into a fucking mass grave with all these other nameless people like she meant nothing,'' Loki said, raising his voice at Fury immediately. He wasn't fazed in the slightest, however, and didn't react to Loki. ''Do you fucking hear me? She died a hero to save all our asses, she doesn't deserve what she got!'' he yells at him and Fury finally looked up at the God.

''No, she doesn't get one. She may have fought just like the rest of them, but I know for sure she didn't die a hero,'' he says. ''She doesn't get a funeral, because no one who died that day gets a funeral, and your fiancée isn't going to be the exception to this rule,'' he says and Loki can't believe this. ''You're fucking kidding me, right? She died so we had a chance to live. She died so we could win the battle, which is more than can be said about you. YOU WEREN'T EVEN THERE!'' Loki says before storming out of Fury's office, wreaking havoc wherever he goes, destroying the building with his magic, and not giving a single damn about anyone that gets injured.

When he's outside he just opens a random car with his magic, gets into the driver's seat, and turns it on. He drives far away from New York, away from the life he once lived, the life he shared with you because it is too painful to stay there and be constantly reminded of you. He drove for hours and hours until he couldn't contain his emotions anymore, and he stopped on the side of the road in a town called Westview. He got out of the car and dropped to his knees, screaming until his lungs burn, until every single muscle in his body is giving out and he falls onto the ground, his knees hitting the pavement with a loud thud. He doesn't care however, he doesn't care about the pain, because it's nothing compared to the loss he feels.

He can't contain his tears, and turns into a sobbing, screaming mess on the verge of a nervous breakdown. When he keeps thinking about you, he tips himself over the edge and a large burst of magic bursts out of him. ''FUCK, FUCK, FUUUUCK!'' is all he can scream at this point, rocking back and forth as he's almost folded into himself, his hands on the back of his head, heart-wrenching screams leaving his chest, tears streaming down his bright red face, eyes completely bloodshot from the hours and hours of crying. The exhaustion catches up with him once again and he completely blacks out on the side of the road. His body can't take anymore, and it shut down completely to save himself.

A little while later he wakes up again and is very disoriented, but as he gets up the pieces fall into place. SHIELD headquarters, the drive, his nervous breakdown, everything comes back to him. And right at that moment a thought hit him, and he's mad at himself for not thinking about this sooner. ''I'm going to bring you back, darling. I can't wait to see you again,'' he says and he creates a huge dome around himself, trapping the thousands of people in Westview inside of it, but he doesn't realize it. When the dome is created he uses his magic to create a new reality within it. He walks through the streets and when he is walking past an ice cream shop, he suddenly spots a very familiar face.

''Loki? Is that you?'' you hear as the person who the voice belongs to walks out the door, and towards him. ''Y/N, you're here,'' he sighs and he pulls you in for a big hug. You're not real, but in the fake reality Loki created you are, and the two of you are still engaged to be married. He finds it hard to believe he did it, and that he's holding you in his arms once again. When you pull back you feel his lips on yours again, and it's like not a single minute had gone by since the last time you kissed. ''I love you, so much. And I can't wait to marry you,'' you tell him, and he nods. ''Neither can I, darling. I'm looking forward to it more than you'll ever know,'' he says, touching your face with his hands, rubbing circles on your cheek.

There is one thing Loki failed to notice, however. Everyone in this town that already lived there, is feeling the pain Loki is experiencing alongside him, because he trapped everyone inside his head, inside the reality he created for himself. All he notices is you, and how good it feels to have you back with him, right where you belong, and he doesn't have to feel his pain anymore. His most precious artifact is back, and he plans to never let you go, ever again. He can't go through the pain of losing you again, and he doesn't plan on doing so.

[oleander-nin]

How would yandere turtle react to reader who is like a little sibling to them not resisting.. Just some mental breakdown, might sleep in tight dark places, bad moods alot of silence and have a lung Proplem like asthma so they need to go to a doctor to get thier annual needles? (for the reader is female)

A/N, not important: Apologies for the wait and sub-par quality. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

-Ollie

Tw: reader is not happy, babying, spyware, forced interaction, kidnaping, yanderes

Words: 512

Summary: Rise Turtles w/ Asthmatic, Non-Resisting Sibling Reader who refuses to interact with them

Mikey:

Mikey is overjoyed you aren’t resisting much, but is upset you’re not integrating into the family as well as he hoped, but understands you’re going through a hard time.

Mikey is very in tune with his emotions, and as much as he currently hates yours, he understands he will just have to wait it out.

Doesn’t really leave you alone for long though, constantly hanging around you or trying to force you into joining activities.

Will act really sweet and soft to you, almost like he’s trying to tame a wild animal.

Is always making your favorite food or giving you little treats, trying to bribe you into liking him.

Will get all mopey if you refuse to talk to him for more than a few days and try to guilt you by crying.

Donnie:

Is almost constantly monitoring you over your health.

Donnie puts a camera outside your room that alerts him every time you leave.

Once he’s alerted, he will either go out to find you himself, or will text his brothers your out.

Donnie will send Shelldon to your room so you can hang out with him. In Donnie’s mind, if you warm up to Shelldon, you’re warming up to Donnie.

Lets you hide in the nooks and crannies of his lab when the other brothers are pestering you too much. There’s so many tight dark spaces between all his stuff, and Donnie isn’t worried about you being hurt.

Plus, while you’re in his lab, he can keep an eye on you.

Donnie doesn’t bother you much, mostly treating you like a small child and bringing you in for ‘sibling bonding’(aka, Donnie locking you in his lab with him as he put a movie on his computer that you watch while he codes).

Raph:

Gives you space.

While Mikey’s the more hands on softie, Raph is more of a silent observer.

He makes sure you aren’t harming yourself and your inhaler is always full and nearby.

Raph doesn’t want to scare you in fear of making you pull away even more. You’re a part of the family, and he cares about you.

Babies you so much. One, you’re younger than Mikey. Tiny baby can’t do anything without Raph’s help. What if you get hurt trying to cook?

Two, you’re obviously not okay right now, and he’s worried.

Will silently watch you whenever you leave your room and will periodically check on you, just to make sure you’re okay.

Leo:

In Leo’s mind, this is resistance. He’s your brother now, and as your brother, he demands you hang out with him. Or come out of your room. Or talk. Or do anything.

Leo gets all huffy when you don’t respond. He understands you’re probably depressed, but he really wished you weren’t.

If you hide under you bed or under you blankets, he’ll sit on the floor by you, waiting for you to open up.

Leo’s almost always near you. He just wants you to talk to him.

Will take shifts with Mikey on keeping an eye on you.

[indibutterfly]

Hi, Idea for a showtime oneshot!

So what if Pomni is like having a little mental breakdown hiding somewhere and Caine goes to teleport to her, he finds her crying and goes to comfort her and ask why she was feeling that way. She then proceeds to tell him she just felt trapped and lonely, in which Caines response is that he understands how she feels. Pomni then realizes how Caine can feel that way too, she asks for how long/why he’d been feeling the way she does and his answer is something that’s a depressingly long time or depressingly sad reason, but he says it without caring all that much about it. She then proceeds to feel bad for him and goes to comfort him instead. And that just warms Caines digital heart. :)

IM SORRY FOR THE LONG TEXT SORRY

You are totally fine! I love the amounts of detail, it really helps me to know what you are thinking. I had wayyyyyyyy too much fun with this.

Lemme know if you enjoyed the fic!

She just wanted to be alone. Despite what the others think, it was fine if she was alone. She didn’t need to be around anyone or anything loud or crazy right now….she just needed to be alone with her thoughts. She didn’t even have a purpose here so why bother? She didn’t even have friends here, so why bother? Sure she had the other members of the circus, but they weren’t her friends. They didn’t want to be friends with each other. In all honesty if any of them were friends, it’s because they need to be. Pomni didn’t have any friends here, they didn’t want to be her friend, if anyone talked to her then it’s out of pure necessity. She felt alone. Pomni began to sob as a realization hit her. She didn’t WANT to be alone, she HAD to be alone. Nothing here was real. Nothing…..except for loneliness. That’s was real. The only thing. Why was that the only thing real here?

“Pomni?” The jester heard a calmer version of a voice she knew all too well.

“What do you want Caine?” The ringmaster gave a soft look towards the jester.

“My dear are you alright?” Pomni began to sniffle more.

“I am fine Caine! Just….just leave me alone right now.” He knew the look that she wore on her face……it was a look he was all too familiar with.

“My dear, is that really what you want?” Pomni, didn’t know what she wanted. She did however, know EXACTLY what she needed.

“What I need is to leave, Caine! When I am here I am so very alone!”

“You are not alone! You have the rest of the circus members as friends!”

Anger arose within the jester.

“Those people aren’t my friends! They don’t even care that I am here! No one does!” Caine floated very close to Pomni.

“I care! I care quite a lot!”

“That is a lie Caine and you know it!”

Caine began to feel anger arouse within him.

“Pomni! I happen to care very much about everyone here!” The jester gave a loud scoff.

“You sure cared a lot about Kaufmo, didn’t you?” A silence fell. A sniffling noise was heard, but this time it wasn’t from Pomni. She looked up towards the ringmaster. He had tried to hide his eyes with his arms and staff, but his efforts were futile.

“Excuse me!” He spoke in a soft yet broken voice. With a snap of his fingers he disappeared. Pomni didn’t know what to feel. Was Caine……crying? Is that even possible? She was so confused, as to what exactly just happened. A part of her felt guilty for making him cry. However the other part of her felt curious. Why was he even crying in the first place? She gathered herself together and went to her room for a bit of a mental break. She rested in her room for a while, trying to have a break from the digital world. After about an hour or so she decided to walk around the circus tent and look for Caine. Pomni couldn’t get it out of her mind, as to why exactly he was crying. She decided to ask around and see where exactly he had gone. She tried asking around, but it seemed as though no one knew exactly where he went. She remembered that when she first arrived Ragatha told her that all she needed to do was call around for Caine and he would appear. So Pomni tried that.

“Caine? Caine? Hey I wanna talk to you about something.” She called out to no one. She did this for quite a while. No luck. It was about a week (at least that what she assumes) until she finally saw him again. Pomni expected him to be in a similar mental state to how he was when she last saw him, but he wasn’t. Not one bit.

“Hello everyone! I would like to personally apologize for my recent absence. It was unintentional and won’t be happening again, I can assure you! Now then let’s have a scavenger hunt today shall we?!” Everyone groaned, except for Pomni, who walked up to where Caine was floating.

“Caine? Can we chat for a bit?” The ringmaster shook his head.

“Perhaps later my dear! Now you need to find the others and work together with everyone on this adventure!” Pomni rolled her eyes.

“I know why you were absent Caine.” That was all it took.

“Excuse me everyone I am stealing Pomni for a moment!” He said, speaking quite rapidly. With a snap of his fingers, he teleported the two into Pomni’s room. The jester took a deep breath.

“Look Caine…I-“

“I apologize Pomni!” Caine spoke, cutting off Pomni.

“I clearly invaded your space, when you just wanted to be alone. For that I am so very sorry.” He took off his hat, a typical sign he was being sincere.

“I should be the one saying sorry Caine. My comment really hurt you, and I shouldn’t have said that.” Caine gave a loud sigh in response.

“You were right though.” This immediately caught the jester’s attention.

“What?”

“You were right Pomni. I didn’t care about Kaufmo and I don’t care about anyone here. Not one bit.” A well known silence filled the room before Caine began to speak once more.

“When humans first arrived, I really wanted to cater this place to what they wanted and what they needed. I made some friends and I genuinely cared for them. However one by one they all abstracted……and I had to watch every single one of them go. It was then I noticed the pattern. I would get attached and they would still leave. Never failed. I wasn’t hurt by the fact you brought of Kaufmo. Instead I remembered my dear friends that are sadly…..no longer here.” A realization hit Pomni like a truck.

“Caine….you know how I feel….don’t you?” The ringmaster gave a nod.

“I know loneliness better than anyone here.” She couldn’t take it anymore. The jester ran up and jumped on Caine squeezing him. He barely had time to grab hold of her.

“Why are you hugging me? Don’t you hate any sort of contact that’s remotely physical?”

“I do, but I realized something.”

“And what is that my dear?”

“If we both are lonely, it only makes sense that if we stick together, this place can be a little more less alone.” Caine couldn’t believe it. Pomni, was showing emotion! For something other than an exit! The craziest part was…..she was doing it for him.

“I would love it if you were the cure to my loneliness, Pomni.” Caine pondered in his head a number of thoughts. The main one being how nice it’s going to be around the circus now that he has someone he cares about again and how nice it will be that she cares about him, even if it’s only a little bit.

Fin~

(I am still doing ship one-shots. If you have any ideas or suggestions send me an ask or a comment. As long as it follows the previous guidelines ofc.)

[crazylittlejester]

for a prompt

idk just warriors having pent up stress, the others are teasing him and stuff and he’s having a SHIT TIME and just goes OFF on all of them, and is like “bro shit I’m gonna cry” and he just runs off and has a mental breakdown somewhere (the others give boy plenty of hugs)

this is such a good prompt and i honestly might write another thing with it later. I had this idea half written in my drafts from MONTHS ago, and i’m sorry if its a bit odd or choppy I finished it in the waiting room of an urgent care lmao (the ao3 authors curse came for me) 🕺🕺🕺 BUT HERE YOU GO!! (542 words):

It had been a long couple days for all of them. Emotions were running high, stress was through the roof, but since Twilight’s miraculous recovery, things had been slowly calming down and going back to normal. After having stayed up all of the previous night, Time allowed Warriors to convince him to sleep for a few hours in the morning. The captain had promised to keep an eye on everyone, and with Twilight safely out of the danger zone, Time felt he could finally allow himself to rest. Besides, if anything happened, his brother would come wake him up.

After his short nap, the group had gone into the woods to test Twilight’s strength. He was doing well considering the severity of the wound, but the rancher was a bit disappointed in his lack of strength. Despite everything, everyone was doing well. This was the happiest he’d seen them all in months. Well, everyone except Warriors.

Time felt bad that he hadn’t noticed exactly when the captain had started acting weirdly, but over time they spent at the inn, it was becoming more and more apparent that something was wrong. He was snappier than usual, telling the others off for joking around when normally he would’ve been messing around right there with them, and standing much more rigidly. Gone was his relaxed posture, replaced by the clear physical signs of stress.

Legend and Hyrule teasing Sky for his bad stamina seemed to be the final straw.

“Stop it,” Warriors mumbled, shaking his head violently. Time looked to him in concern.

“Well maybe if you could run just a little bit faster,” Legend jabbed, teasing tone in his voice.

Sky opened his mouth to retort back, but the sound of Warriors’s knees hitting the floor cut him off. Time’s head snapped in the captain’s direction to find him curled in on himself, shaking with his hands over his ears. His head was tucked into his chest, only a few inches away from resting on the floor. Sky and Legend had gone completely silent, the only sound in the room was the captain’s ragged breathing.

“I can’t fucking do it anymore,” he wheezed, and Time carefully knelt down at his brother’s head.

“Hey, hey what’s wrong?” He asked softly, gesturing for the others to back up a little.

“I don’t even know,” Warriors cried, sitting up and looking at Time with wide eyes full of tears. “I don’t… I’ve been awake for too many hours and I… I’m just…?”

“Stressed?” Time suggested, and the captain just nodded, his legs sliding out from under him. He held out his arms and to his surprise, Warriors leaned up against him.

Twilight quickly joined them, wrapping his arms around both Warriors and Time, pressing his chest to the captain’s back. Everyone else quickly followed in as well, surrounding Wars in the middle of a hug pile.

“You deserve a nice long nap,” Wind told him from where he’d somehow squeezed himself right up next to Warriors. “You’ve done a lot for us, you can sleep now.”

“Yeah,” Wild nodded from the back of the group. “Stop worrying about all of us and take care of yourself.”

“We love you,” Sky told him from somewhere in the middle.

[sanguineterrain]

about spilled milk - e.m.

okay now you folks said you weren't tired of the eddie snapshots so here i am with another one because it's all i can write these days...

Summary: Eddie's got you every time. Even when you've spilled milk.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x gn!reader

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings/tags: depressive episode, reader has an emotional breakdown, brief suicidal thoughts. there is an uplifting ending; not a 'they got over it!" because that's not how depression works, but i made a point not to end on a sad note. if you think these topics might upset you, please take care of yourself first.

by the way, it does get better.

divider by firefly-graphics

Strawberry milk is your favorite. 

Chocolate is a close second. Pure, whole milk is likely the Devil's invention. Soy milk is decent when you have the sudden, crazed urge to go healthy and reinvent your personality. 

But strawberry milk has always been there for you. 

There's a carton of it in your fridge right now. You hope it's still good. If you remember correctly (not that your memory is all that reliable these days), you'd bought it Monday. It's now Sunday. Milk doesn't expire that fast, does it? Certainly not strawberry milk, with all of Nesquik's special preservatives. 

You feel preserved too. It must be a strange process, forcing a thing to be something it's not; making it last when it doesn't want to. 

There are too many dishes in the sink. You'd promised you'd get to them today, but that had been three days ago. They add to the kitchen’s essence, you think. Or maybe that's just the preservatives talking. 

You use a paper cup so you can throw it out after. You need to throw out the garbage too, because it's rotting, and you can't handle another rotting thing in this house. 

The paper cup has little orange flowers on it. You stare at them for a long time while you work up the courage to open the fridge. 

You feel naked without your blanket. It's covered you for many days now. You're not sure what to do without it. 

Part of you wants to abandon the cup. But you're so thirsty. And you're hungry but you haven't got the energy to take a pan out of the cupboard and add another dish and throw something else away, all to rot, rot, rot. 

You take the milk from the fridge. It expires next month. The cold makes your fingers ache. It's the first tangible feeling you've had all day. 

Down the hall, the lock turns. You can't remember inviting anyone over, but, as you know, your memory isn't trustworthy these days. You think you've felt this yawning agony in your stomach for years, but you've managed to graduate high school and you've tricked a boy into falling in love with you. Years must be a stretch, right? 

You pour the milk. It's a pretty, happy pink. You wonder if it'll turn your insides a pretty, happy pink too. 

"Sweet thing, are you here?" 

The trick is done. This good boy, this person in your life you don't deserve, he's going to learn your secret. He's going to find you and your preservatives expired all over the kitchen floor. 

"Honey? Please respond to me if you're here." 

You take the milk. Somewhere between staring sightlessly at your ceiling tiles and thinking about doing the dishes, you've forgotten how to hold a cup. 

It falls. Pink milk sprays the kitchen tile. 

The yawning agony does something funny. It decides to climb up your throat. It's tired of being inside you. You can't blame it. You wouldn't want to be inside yourself either. 

Eddie finds you hunched over the counter, crying like you're grieving. And you are. You mourn the milk and you mourn the flesh that used to fill the hole in your chest. 

"Baby? Hey, hey, what's happening? What's wrong?"

Everything is wrong. You're the wrongest of all. 

Eddie leads you away from the mess. Your legs don't work right and you stagger, knees giving out. Eddie holds you and you don't like being held, but you think you might've never gotten up if Eddie wasn't here. 

"Oh, honey. Baby, it's alright. It's okay, it's okay."

This is scary. You are scary. People don't like to be afraid. Eddie will snap at you, get angry that you've spilled milk and that the agony couldn't come out until after he left.  

You wait for the hushing. The urgent pleads to calm down. You have never calmed down in your life. You don't know how. 

"It hurts," you cry and grip Eddie's shirt so hard your fingers ache. 

"What hurts? What hurts, honey? C'mere, lemme see."

"I hurt," you say. "I don't want to be here."

"Oh." Eddie tucks your face into his neck and rubs your back. Up and down, up and down. "Oh, oh, it's okay. I got you. I want you to be here. It won't always feel like this."

He cradles you through your agony. Eddie doesn't shout or shush. He doesn't tell you to mind the neighbors or your parents in the next room who'll think something is seriously fucking wrong with you. 

You cry and scream and probably squeeze Eddie too hard. And he lets you, even though the trick is over and he doesn't have to love you anymore, if he doesn't want to. 

"I'm sorry," you wail. 

"No, don't apologize. Nothing to apologize for."

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this."

You don't want to rot. You've tried your whole life to avoid this feeling. To be happy, because that's what people want. They want you to be happy so they can burden you. It's hard to burden somebody who rots. 

Eddie holds you until you stop your mourning on your own. Then he picks you up from the floor and helps you to the couch. 

"D'you want the milk?" he asks, gentle even though you're monstrous. 

You nod. 

Eddie's hand lingers on your cheek. Then he goes and cleans up your milk. And he pours more into a real glass, one that will need to be washed. Then he ties up the garbage and brings it outside. 

You drink your milk and wait for him to not come back. 

But Eddie does. He washes his hands in the kitchen sink and then he sits down next to you. 

You drink half the glass. Eddie takes it from you and puts it on the table.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," you say. 

"You didn't scare me."

"I did."

I don't want to be here, you'd said before, and they'd screamed at you for it. 

"No," Eddie says, and slips your fingers together. "You didn't. I'm not afraid of your feelings. I'm worried. And I care about you. And I love you. But I'm not afraid."

"It's too much." I'm too much.

"No, it's not." No, you're not.

You look at him. Your eyes feel hot again. 

"If you want to leave—"

"I don't. And I'll say it as many times as you need to hear it." 

Your lip wobbles, but not because of the agony. 

"You want me to hold you?" Eddie asks. 

You crawl into his arms and he sorts through your mess. He's real and alive and so are you and God, you don't want to fight this good thing anymore. 

"Tell me again you'll stay," you plead. 

"I'll stay," Eddie says. 

You curl your hand into a fist and rest it over his heart. 

"I spilled so much milk."

Eddie wipes a tear from your cheek. 

"That's okay. We can always get more."

[fountainpenguin]

Small 'Fic Posting News

I moved a lot of early FOP character studies and warm-ups to my unrevealed Riddle WIPs collection on AO3, so they're easily on hand for me to tag and post when I feel ready.

A lot of these are things I enjoyed, but didn't feel comfy sharing back in 2016/17. They're cool to look back on and I'm ready to let them go. Some are suggestive, some are emotionally intense, some are very simple character studies, so as always, tread with care.

I also think they're neat because they don't build on each other, so they're pretty low-brainpower reads (imo), which some people may like.

I don't expect to post one of these old things every week, but they'll probably show up on Mondays or Wednesdays or something like that (Once Life of a Loser stops posting on Wednesdays, which is in two weeks).

As per the norm, M and E works will be under the ScarletPenguin pseud, so if you know that's not your cup of tea and you see the email, you can delete it without needing to open it or check tags.

These old pieces will be exclusive to AO3 (Organization, easier for my brain, etc.) On the off chance anything becomes a Prompt, it will go on FFN.

Not planning to do Tumblr announcements or cover images for them. They're off to the side for the people interested. Might shout out a few favorites, though.

AO3 series to subscribe to or avoid at your preference:

🌈 Rainbow Train - All FOP 'fics that aren't 130 Prompts (i.e. It will include these old pieces). 🖤 Off the Rails - Stuff that doesn't fit my main AUs (Cloudlands, City Lights, Reedfilter). Most old pieces will go here since they're non-canon now. ❤️ Red Train - Romantic or sensual works (All FOP AUs).

Additional reminder:

🚂 130 Reasons Why I'm Fairy Trash - Everything in this one-shot series is G or T. If you feel uneasy about Rainbow Train, you can filter M and E stuff out by subscribing just to this one!

Under the cut, I have examples (i.e. screenshots of these WIP titles and summaries like what you would see when scrolling AO3) to help people get a feel for the vibe.

Suggestive or gross summaries & commentary; proceed at own discretion. Obviously, #ridspoilers.

Reminder - These are WIP screenshots. The pieces will have proper tags and meta before they're posted. Titles may also change.

Bonus disclaimer: If you see a line in an old WIP that seems familiar... I do yoink things from these sometimes because I wasn't planning to post them, yes <3

This will be the first one:

Exactly what it says on the tin- Super simple.

Here are a few more examples (No specific order)-

A scene from Frayed Knots I've always regretted cutting even though it was for the best, but y'know what? It deserves to be shared because it's funny :)

Another moment from canon translated into my style! There's also a "Flappy finds out Gary and Betty knew about magic the whole time" bit somewhere in here that I had to throw out after "Solo" happened.

I will not apologize for my deity break-up drama. I might apologize for Prince Thursday's seasonal torment, but he's the nature spirit of Leaves, so-

Unpleasant non-con / dubcon situations... We know how this goes.

And the obligatory sequel to the above. That pixie sure can character arc!

Very cursed flirty pixies, my beloved...

Do you have any idea how weird it feels to post pre-reincarnation pieces out of context... skldjf...

It's gross! It's goofy! Cupid's ancestors took her mobility aid because they're unpleasant people! We just keep winning!!

Uncut version of the Ambrolara scenes! I sadly cut some of my favorites lines from "Hate That I Love You" because it would've crossed the line... but I love them....... my cursed OCs who are awful for each other.

No one understands Sanderson's mind, not even me 7 years later... He can do whatever he wants forever.

Foop's romantic scenes during the late-Prompts era are some of my favorite warm-ups... He's here, he's queer, he's having a mental breakdown spitting and crying over his dad not noticing him sneaking in a girl, he was forced to marry someone he desperately does not want to be intimate with, he loves his mom, he's losing the power struggle against his alt personality, he's this close to losing his inheritance, he calls his wife his mistress's name... No one is doing it like him. Probably because he's doing SO bad!!

The preview scene you see in "Trouble Beyond Paradise" finally broke me... It's been a favorite since 2017 and I just really want to share... That one's a multi-chapter and I hope you guys like it. I love Foop/Anti-Marigold and their weird situation... Like, of COURSE if Poof has severe anxiety about accidentally forcing them into dubcon, Foop's genius idea is to get the first time over with before Poof/Goldie can bind them into it. So funny. They are silly little guys... the people have a right to know...

Very old anatomy study. It's about bees ripping apart when they mate. It's... sort of cute? Mostly horrific and full of pain and sobbing? :'D If you pick this up, you will very quickly see why I never intended to post it, but... It's 2024, baby! Welcome to my mind...

- This one will likely get a new title, so be careful if this is one you want to avoid. - Where is that post that goes like "Why do all my ace friends write the most bizarre sex scenes?" followed by "Have to throw in something interesting for us." sdfkj. Yeah... It's me, I'm that guy. And this kind of guy.

And more!! I hope you like reading these old pieces, but if they are not your thing, that is perfectly fine. Some of these are not even my thing, but sometimes you have to write it to know that! Sometimes you knew that and wrote it anyway because ??? idk.

I think it's neat to see my style change over the years. I hope you get some joy out of them, even if they're hyperspecific.

[tqmies]

Congrats on 1K! Can I have 41 and 53, roommate haechan? Thank you so much

Go Away | Lee Haechan

Part of Tqmies 1K Event!

Room mate au! 41. “I… I think I’m happy.” “You think? So you’re not one hundred percent certain?” 53. "Hey, you haven't come out of your room in like two days...I'm not worried or anything but the dishes are piling up and I need you to be alive so you can take care of them, so...", wc: 1.1k note: thank you so much <3 hope you enjoy it, domestic room mate hyuck?? i cry

6 days, it had been that long since you had broken up with your boyfriend of over two years. And of course, the first few days were okay, which was different from what you expected. You truly thought you'd be downing tubs of ice cream in front of the TV watching sad romance flicks. Like they do in all the cliche movies.

However, your little breakdown didn't come until a few days later. Everything needed time to settle in, and once it did? Oh boy.

Your friends had managed to keep you occupied for the first few days, but you weren't exactly a joy to be around. Not even as they dragged you to the club to remind you how great being single could be. You just couldn't find it in you to enjoy your time out.

Either way, you had returned home to Lee Haechan, your menace of a roommate. And in fact, your current state could all directly be pointed back to him.

It had been a normal Thursday, you returning home to him on the couch, playing one of his stupid games on your shared console.

You were sniffling a bit, frustrated at another cancelled date with your boyfriend. He had been getting far too busy to spend time with the likes of you, and you could feel him slipping away.

You tried not to think about it too much, choosing to hold your sanity. That was until Haechan took note of your form, and asked why you looked like your dog died, whatever that meant.

"He cancelled again, that asshole! I mean, I get that he's busy and all, but so am I! He could've let me know he had a meeting today, is my time not worth as much as his?" You let out, dropping your bag with a loud thud on the floor. "He never communicates with me! Is it that hard to send a text saying you're not going to make it? It must be, because I was waiting there for an hour and a half before he let me know!"

And you storm off to the kitchen, Haechan following diligently behind you. "Maybe he just got really caught up in work." He says meekly, a little afraid of your wrath at the moment, but also feeling bad for you.

You force open the fridge, ignoring Haechans small words. You look around it for a few seconds, brows furrowing as you whip your head back to him. "Where's all the damn alcohol!"

"What?" He says, taken aback as you move to check the bottom cabinets. You move things around, huffing when you can't find a single bottle.

"I know you're here somewhere!" You speak, apparently talking to the alcohol. You even allow yourself a tear to fall, though all you can feel is anger at the moment. Yeah, you've lost it.

"Wait, okay. Instead of drinking, why don't we just talk about it?" He suggests, attempting to divert your attention.

You're not having it though. "Talk? Did he take time to talk to me? No! So I don't think-"

"Woah, woah, slow down." Haechan interrupts. "It sounds like you're angry about more than just today, you seem really upset."

"Well it wasn't just today, he's been doing this so much. We haven't been on a proper date in months." You speak, crossing your arms. Scoffing, you place your hands on the counter. "But God forbid I miss a single phone call of his, and then he's all sulky the rest of the day, and they say I'm the dramatic one!"

"Well maybe it's time to call it quits then."

You blink, staring back at Haechan. "What?"

The thought had truly never crossed your mind, sure you were upset. But enough to break up with your boyfriend? Were things really that bad?

"It doesn't seem like you're benefiting from this relationship, that's all I'm saying." He speaks again, shrugging.

"Relationships aren't about benefiting!" You groan, throwing your hands up.

"I get that, but you don't even seem happy." He retorts, and he meant it. Every time you opened your mouth related to your boyfriend, it was a complaint or angry statement.

And you hated that he was a bit right. "I... I think I'm happy."

"You think? So you're not one hundred percent certain?" He asks, and you hate how hard you're thinking about it.

You were so unhappy.

That revelation led you to where you were at the moment. Bundled up in blankets as you mourned a relationship that you had ended.

And part of you stupidly blames Haechan, but you can barely justify why. All he did was open your eyes to how bad your relationship was.

Though you're still a bit annoyed that he planned the break up seed in your head, and that you had allowed it to bloom into a real course of action. It was definitely for the best, but it still hurt like hell.

So after refusing another forced day out, you were currently wallowing in self pity, watching the latest episode of your comfort show.

Truth be told, you hadn't lifted a finger all day, choosing to remain in bed. And you did that the next day as well, willing yourself to eat small meals Haechan left outside your door.

He didn't want to bother you too much, figuring you were taking this a bit harder than he thought. You seemed fine the other day, but he assumed the reality hit you.

But against all his restraint, he finally willed himself to knock on your door. He calls your name, to which he receives no answer. You're not in the mood for company, can't he just let you rot in your room?

The answer was no. "Hey, you haven't come out of your room in like two days...I'm not worried or anything but the dishes are piling up and I need you to be alive so you can take care of them, so..."

You admit, you giggle a little at his mention of your usual chore. But you barely will yourself to shout a little. "Do them yourself."

"I don't think so!" He complains, leaning against your closed door. "Last time I did them you said to never let me again."

You laugh, for the first time in a few days. "That's because you spent the entire time playing with bubbles instead of washing anything."

"Bubbles are cool, you're weird for not playing with them!" He responds, smiling at the little chuckle that leaves your lips.

"Go away." You speak, half-heartedly. "Let me decay in peace."

"No," He says, rolling his eyes. "Can I come in?"

"I haven't bathed in two days."

"That can be arranged, I'll help you wash your hair after." He offers, and you're thankful for it.

"Okay," You speak, wiping the stray tears residing on your face. You will yourself to get out of bed, standing by your door. You can see the shadow of his feet under it, and you grin. "Thank you Haechan."

"Anytime." He says, and you feel your heart flutter a bit at that.

He'd always be here for you, and he'd make sure you knew that.

[doodle-pops]

Hi Mina!

I'm so happy reactions are open :)

May I please request how the Feanorians would react to finding their soulmate in a soulmate AU?

Thank you!

a/n: Honestly, I was surprised that I remembered half of these different forms of meetings, especially after my hiatus without reading a Wattpad story on these. I do love these a lot so I showed special love :)

Feanorians Meeting Their Soulmate

Soulmate AU

MATCHING TATTOO/MARKINGS — Having soulmates through the form of matching tattoos was the most chaotic event of their life. Despite the marking being located in an easy to access and view area on their skin, they still managed to be sceptical about revealing it to anyone. For years they've prayed on their marking in hopes that you would be nearby and not far. When they stumbled upon you one day, they could feel the slight thinking sensation in their body where the mark was located. Through a quick rustle and hasty movements, they would see your marking and shout it out at you. “Wait! What's that? Is that your... You bear the same marking as I do...look! I found you!” Finding you was the best day of their lives.

Maedhros, MAGLOR, AMROD

COLOURBLIND/SEEING COLOURS — All their life, they saw black and white while everyone else around them saw the world of colours. It was a constant mockery to them whenever they needed to identify different colours of items and they couldn't. The sympathetic look on the faces of everyone around them while they fumbled to guess the shades. The constant dependent behaviour, requiring another to assist them with picking out colours was a parody. They would meet you through a small breakdown, crying in the streets and eating themselves up at the lack of a soulmate. Seeing you stumble across them, greeting them a 'goodnight' and continuing, colours flashed before their eyes and they knew. You couldn't leave them so soon. “I know you see the world in black and white, but you can't tell me you're still colourblind after meeting me?”

FEANOR, CARANTHIR

DRAWING/INJURIES ON EACH OTHER'S SKIN — Being late bloomers when it came to discovering how they met their soul mate, they wouldn't realise it until pain struck them in areas they'd never injured before. Every time they attempt to be careful, the next morning they woke up, they were covered in little bruises and scribblings. Realising that this was how they would meet their soulmate, the first thing they could mention was 'Invest in protective gear clumsy'. That's how you both would interact from then on, planning when and how you'd meet and even helping the other to cheat during exams. Your meet and greet would be casual and nerve-racking because you had never seen them before, but you did, it was worth the wait. “I'm terribly sorry for my fights with my brothers. I nearly damaged a beauty like yourself, my soulmate.”

CELEGORM, Curufin

RED STRING — For all their life, they've followed that little red string tied around their pinkie, hoping that when they rounded the corner, you would be there. They've spent years chasing blank trails never finding you and finally deciding to give up. You were somewhere else in the world where they'd never find you. Soon, falling back into routine and carrying on with their life, you would enter, but they were so distant from reality to recognise you. You were within their presence, tugging on their string and their attention was elsewhere. It took your assertiveness to introduce yourself, holding up your hand and pointing to theirs before the puzzle was connected. “...You're real? You're not some ghost or made-up? I searched all my life for you and now you're here!”

AMRAS, Celebrimbor

[maskofmilves]

True Detective: Shadow Land

Chapter 1: Welcome To Hard Times

(After True Detective: Night Country) Chief Elizabeth Danvers finds herself going back to revisit some old demons when missing Inapiut children go missing that tears the town of Ennis, Alaska apart. An unofficial sequel story following Liz Danvers and Evangeline Navarro aka my pitch for season 5 with them.

A/N: I'm a very big fan of Moby's music so hearing "This Wild Darkness" in episode 4 was like watching your team win the Superbowl

August 2, 2024

It had been several months since Danvers had last heard Holden’s voice beneath the ice. She had thought she was finally able to move on from him. She thought she was at peace. No nightmares since that surreal night at Tsalal station. Every once in a while she would have visions of Clark’s frozen body out on the snow. Tonight was different. Her dreams would be about Evangeline now. She hasn't seen her since April when Liz disappeared after she said goodbye at Liz's lake house. Tonight's dream was of Evangeline and Holden together, it was sweet, they were smiling together. Just the three of them in the dream. No one was hurting them.

Liz woke up to the daylight shining through the floor to ceiling windows, squinting her eyes hoping to see Navarro on the porch. Nothing. She picked up her phone checking to see if she got anything from her. She couldn't stop thinking about them. What they were. It was more than friendship. Liz couldn't help but admit inside she missed her greatly, that she wished she knew where she was. Would Navarro even want to be found? Liz didn't want to jump to the thought that she could be dead somewhere. Navarro could hold her own. She knew that.

“I can't come back to Ennis.”

Those words shook Liz to her core, but she understood why. The town was a fever dream. People will disappear and it will be considered normal.

Liz got dressed in her weather appropriate clothes that were not her uniform this time. Black jeans and a canvas black jacket. Although it was going into fall, she hadn't been able to see her for the majority of the summer. The blonde dialed up her number once again waiting for someone to talk on the other end.

“The number you have reached has been disconnected-”

“Fuck!” Liz slammed her phone down and chugged down the last of the coffee in her mug and thought about everything related to the younger woman that had happened. She couldn't bear to think about the night at Tsalal without breaking down in tears about it. She felt stupid for having emotion at 7 in the morning. She thought about going to look for her. Holden's bear. Shit that's right she left the bear at her house. As Liz sped down the terrible roads, she thought about the conversation with Navarro the last time they spoke at the lakehouse. How they both looked at each other with tears in their eyes. Danvers cried herself to sleep that night, holding a pillow like it was her partner's body. The next day she continued her job at the station like nothing had happened. She shoved it all the way in the back of her memory where she wouldn’t be able to think about it for awhile, until the next time she had a mental breakdown in the kitchen, in the breakroom when no one else was around. Evangeline left one written note. A few lines about how she cares about her and that she hopes she’ll be okay, and that it’s okay to be not okay.

“You know where to find me.”

***

The crisp air hit Liz’s face as she exited the suv, she found that the door was once again unlocked. Nothing had changed. She hasn't visited in at least a month. Liz had come to accept that her partner would never come back. This morning it looked like her view would continue down that path.

Liz felt another ache in her heart as she went back home to start her day. She swore to herself she wouldn't cry again about her unless her body was found.

She managed to push down her feelings once again by ignoring all those thoughts, she's been doing what Evangeline told her to do in the letter. Go to therapy, but Liz hasn't been very truthful to the therapist either. She'd mostly try to only talk about Leah as if Navarro never existed. Nothing has helped with forgetting her for the most part. She's alone all the time except for when Leah will come home late at night, usually past 12.

***

Liz closed the door behind her only to feel someone's hot breath on the back of her head. She didn't dare to turn around.

“Don't scream.” The figure said.

Liz could recognize that voice from a mile away. She couldn't bear to let it out now but her voice cracked. “Let me see you.”

“Turn around Liz.”.

Liz turned around. The woman she mourned was standing in her living room. They looked into each other's souls. For a moment Liz swore she could feel her body get warmer.

Evangeline began to speak. “You forgot I'm a lockpicker-”

Liz slapped her. She didn't know why, but it felt right. Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. She observed the younger woman's face. She looked like she hasn't slept in a long time, like she's spent her night staying up focusing on something she cannot control. Liz stared at her in disbelief.

“The fuck is wrong with you! You can't even wake me up to say goodbye? Instead you- left me a note- I searched for your ass for months!” She yelled not caring if she spat.

“I know you have-”

“Oh? So you've been spying on me too? I thought you were dead! That it had been that long since anyone saw you and that you were out on the ice somewhere. I fucking mourned for you! I didn't know if you were hurt…if you were struggling, if you were- fuck!” She ran a hand through her hair. Her lips trembled with pain.

Navarro took note and lowered her head. “I know you went to my house today. I've been watching you since I left basically. I only came back because someone asked for my help, and that's why I'm here-...”

Liz went to the kitchen and popped some vitamins while she was listening until there was silence. “What? They're vitamins. I'm an old fart, if I want to keep movin’ I gotta take these.”

“I know. Which by the way, watching you try to put on your shoes is entertaining as shit.”

“Fuck you…oh Jesus you didn't see me during bedtime did ya?”

“No, I looked the other way. Anyways I'm here because I need your help on this case with the Inupiat. This cannot be involved with Prior and everyone at the station. Just us.”

“Oh fucking hell- you come back here and expect me to join you after this shit?” Liz shook her head.

“I didn't. The women do. The children are missing, Liz.”

“Then why don't they call us?”

“They don't trust y'all to help, except you. Only because you were with me and gave the autopsy info to them.”

Navarro walked to her and reached for her hand but Liz pulled away quickly.

“Liz I-”

“No…no. Not after this…” Liz wiped her eyes. “Some nights you're here with me, and we would talk. I actually hated myself for how I treated you.”

“I thought about you. All the time. I haven't stopped thinking about you, Liz. Trust me, I did. I still hold on to what happened at Tsalal.” Her voice cracked too. “I felt you slip away from me-”

“Shut up. Stop it…” Liz put on her utility belt and walked out the door. “Get in the car and drive me wherever.”

***

“You…have you been sleeping?” Liz turned to face her, looking at the black eye that was fading away. “Who hit you? I'll kill em.” Before Liz could think about what she was going to say, she spat it out.

Navarro glanced at her and sighed. Liz hasn't been this attentive in forever. Especially threatening a nonexisting perpetrator. That was new. “I got hit by a fucking tree branch, and no, I haven't.”

“You shouldn't be driving.”

“I'm fine.” She got uncomfortable quickly. “So, who was that woman parked out of your house on Monday? Nice looking woman, quite young right?”

“Jesus Christ Navarro. That's my cousin, and she's in her 50s.”

“Oh. Well I was curious because it was weird that you closed the curtains.” She assumed the hotness ran in her family.

“Why were you spying on me in the first place?

“Long story but short story is I was making sure you were okay.”

“Uh huh.”

Liz leaned her head against the seatbelt strap and thought about what Navarro could have seen at her house.

“It's been several months. How's dating? I mean we know you've fucked every guy in town so I don't know who else is left unless Ms Danvers is into women-”

“Can we just not talk? I haven't seen anyone since before Tsalal. Now shut it.”

“That's surprising.”

“What part of shut it do you not get?”

“Hey I'm just trying to ease back into conversations. I don't care about what sex you date Liz…I just, really fucking missed you and I didn't have a choice about a lot of things. I missed a lot of things…we’re here.”

***

As they stood at the doorstep Navarro leaned towards her. Liz was taken aback until she realized she was fixing her shirt under the jacket. Navarro toyed with the zipper and held Liz by the biceps.

“What are you doing?”

“You're skinny. You need to eat more.”

Liz scoffed and released from her grasp. “Sorry I wasn't eating because I was scared shitless about you. Thinking my friend was dead!”

Navarro crossed her arms acting like she was trying to assert dominance. “You haven't changed one bit since Tsalal. A woman in this field needs to be built for the job.”

“You should've told that to Connelly when he was still working there ya know?”

“We're not talking about him-”

The door opened in front of them. Liz ran her hand through her hair again and straightened her back. Liz changed almost completely since Tsalal. Peter would say she was extremely generous towards the other cops, her sarcasm and bluntness was still there but she thought of others thoroughly and made sure everyone at the station was good to work each day.

“-...” Liz didn't speak. She could already feel the horror through the pain in the woman's eyes.

“Last time we talked I believe it was about an autopsy?”

“That is correct…ma'am.”

She moved out of the way to let them in where her and Navarro sat down in the chairs they were in last time. Liz took off her hat and looked around the room, the same 11 women were there. They had looks on their face full of sadness, confusion, rage. Liz felt their pain, she felt the same sorrow when she lost her baby boy. She gulped and looked at Navarro, who had several small scabbed cuts on her face, hair looked dirty. Liz’s gaze was directed when Sutres Meli knocked on the wood.

“I’m going to be very blunt, white woman. Our children are missing. All of their children are missing. They’re disappearing from us. We don’t know how or why. We want answers, we want them back.”

Liz gulped and took out her small notepad from her pocket with a pen. “I would like to talk to each of the parents.”

“Fine, but we want justice. We want our babies back alive.”

“Ms. Meli, I’ll do what it takes to find them-”

“Alive.”

Liz nodded and Sutres removed herself from the seat. Each woman would sit across from her at the table where they each gave their name, name of the kid, where they were last seen, when they vanished. Every possible detail of what happened. This went on for about 45 minutes. Most of them broke down into tears as they spoke. When Liz was done Navarro leaned into her ear. “We can’t bring the feds into this.”

Liz was puzzled. “Why?”

“Because everyone outside this house thinks I’m dead.”

“You’re going to return to society if you like it or not, I don’t have time to put up with this.”

“You don’t get to decide that Liz!”

“Cut the shit Navarro! We have 23 missing children! Just in this town! We’ll talk about this later-”

One of the women came up to her. Eyes wetted. Liz changed her attitude. “Where Gavin disappeared, I want you to look at where he last was…”

“Take me.”

***

The woman walked them to the house where Liz got a glimpse of his room, the childhood innocence left behind by sorrow. Liz looked at the walls. The child's paintings from school pinned to a bulletin board.

Liz held it together well being reminded of painting with Holden. She had to stop, to get over him already, he died almost a decade ago and she was still mourning. “A mother’s love for her child never fades.” She ran her fingers over the paper, the constant reminder that Holden was gone and all that was left was his paintings. Liz snapped out of it when the mother gathered her attention to the back shed.

“I asked him to bring in our broken flower pot, we were going to fix it up- After 10 minutes of him not coming back inside, I got worried so I came out here and…he’s gone.”

Navarro looked inside, the pot of dirt shattered on the wooden floor. “Something ain’t right about this Liz.”

“No shit…” She mumbled. Liz observed the wooden floor, rather it being like a weird residue splashed on to it creating an oily finish. Crouching down looking closer at it, a red dot caught the corner of her eye. She looked closer, A dried drop of crimson.”

“Liz…”

Liz’s heart sank. Did this mean anything could be permanent? No. Did it mean something. Yes. In Liz’s eyes this person must’ve been very good at this, has obviously done it before. The sun beated through the clouds and on to her back, starting to get warm and overwhelmed. “You have a UV light on you by any chance?”

“It’s a keychain-”

“That’ll work.”

Liz pressed down on the button and let the ultraviolet light hit the work. Smears of blank residue were on the wood. Liz knew from her years what this was but it was extremely rare since when most people clean up blood it never goes away, but there’s one chemical that can get rid of it entirely. “What is it?” Navarro observed her face.

“Whoever this is…they know what they’re doing. Do you know what this is Ange?”

Evangeline was surprised by that nickname. Liz hadn’t used it since before Eve killed that bastard back when they were on good terms. “No Liz.”

“I’m not 100% sure, but this person almost left no evidence. There’s one chemical that can get rid of what blood leaves behind. The stuff in Lysol, hydrogen peroxide, and no, not straight out of the can, but the unfiltered, pure chemical. You can’t inhale that shit. Nor can you get it at a Walmart. Shit, you need a special license I think, I don't’ know. I think you can only get it by being a chemistry teacher or something.”

“So, time to call everyone?”

Liz gave her a stare. “Yes. I’m calling Prior and you’re going back to my place, you’ll stay hidden if that’s what you really want, but come up with a story fast if you want to come back…I want you to come back. We miss you…” Liz looked away from her and stood up to call the station. “We need everyone on this. 23 children missing, so far. I have a shed I need specialists on.

***

Pete Prior talked to them first. Evangeline decided to make a return to society and came up with a decent story of how she just wanted to disappear. Pete hugged her and had a full reunion. Liz gave a soft smile and talked to the rest of the cops. Connelly was gone thank god. He got fired at the very least. By the time everyone took notes from the families it was dark out and getting cold fast. Liz heard whispers about how Trooper Navarro was back from the dead or some shit like that. Her blonde strands of hair got in her face, she admired Navarro’s presence from afar. Liz stood by herself on the rocks and put her gloves on. “Everyone! This is the biggest case Ennis has seen. We owe it to these people big time. Our respect, their children. They’re good people. I will do whatever it takes to find these children. We all need to work together, but for now we need to get the feds involved. We cannot do this on our own!”

***

Liz walked over to Peter by the pickup truck and patted his back. He had one of those satellite phones that could call anyone anywhere. She always found that cool. “You on the phone with em?”

Pete hung up.

“So this is what you've been up to all day?”

“You got a problem?”

“I'd just appreciate it if you would let me know about this stuff beforehand?”

“I'm sorry, okay?” The corner of Liz's mouth stretched making a guilty face.

Pete sighed. “They’re going to be here next Thursday. For the whole team. A smaller team will be here Sunday.”

“Shit. Well it’s better than nothing. I’m going home. Fucking late, haven’t eaten anything today. Taking Navarro with me. Don’t let anyone know okay?”

“Of course Chief…be safe?”

Liz nodded before walking off. “Goodnight Pete.”

***

The car ride back to Liz’s lake house was silent. Liz couldn't believe everything that was happening. She wasn't built for this anymore. She wants to scream into the sky, to disappear into the night, it was all bringing back old memories. Now that Navarro was back she couldn’t bring herself to say the whole speech she prepared.

When they entered the house Liz took off her jacket and gave Evangeline a look. “You smell. Go take a shower. Your box of clothes is in the spare bedroom, your name's on it. I’ll make dinner.”

Evangeline felt extremely fortunate that someone cared for her this much. “Liz”

She popped open a beer from the fridge and looked up. “What?”

Navarro was going to say something about her drinking but when she saw her soft face with hardened edges, she let it go. “Thank you.”

For the first time in awhile Liz smiled the softest she could. The memories flooded back to them both. “We're friends right? You don't have to thank me.” Liz set down the beer and walked over to the much taller woman. Liz didn't think at the moment and caressed her cheek. “I'm just happy you're really here. That's all that matters in this moment.” She tried not to cry, she’s saving the tears for later. Right now she’s happy.

***

A half hour later Evangeline came out of the shower. Liz changed into some sweats, wanting at least some comfort in the dark hour. She made the burgers on the George Foreman grill and made the burger just how Navarro liked it; spicy ranch and pickles. Finding comfort in making the table made her feel mother-like in a way again. She shook the image of Holden from her head and sat down. Reading the texts on her phone. Peter saying how all of the crime scenes have traces of dried blood left behind. Everything that could come from that would be a horrible assumption.

Elizabeth Danvers: Ok. Get some sleep. Goodnight.

Evangeline came out of the room shortly after. Dressed in the sweat clothes she Left behind at her house from before. Liz looked up and stared at her. Taking off her glasses to get a better look. She looked breathtaking with her hair down, free from dirt and all. The tall woman sits down and digs into the burger. She clearly hasn't eaten real food in a long time.

***

Dinner was a silent fest unfortunately. Just nothing being said. Liz kelt waiting for Evangeline to say something but it was a bust.

After dinner Liz followed Evangeline to the bedroom where she just simply fixed up her bed for the other woman. Liz picked up Holden's polar bear and played with the off white hairs. Liz grew uncomfortable and broke the silence.

“Can I ask a question? Just one…”

“Okay?”

“Did you have anywhere to stay?” She asked in a quiet, soft tone.

“Some dude's place. His place sucked.”

Liz nodded. “Are you hurt?”

“You said one question.”

“Okay I lied.”

“No…but I could use a massage right here?” Evangeline pointed to a part on her back above the shoulder blades. Liz patted the bed so Navarro could sit down while the older one tended to her. Liz pressed her fingers and thumbs deep into the sore areas, she let out whimpers of pain trying to not let them out of her mouth.

Liz gulped and rubbed the space between the collarbone and shoulder blades. Trying not to hurt her too much. Navarro flinched under her fingers with a hiss.

“Want me to stop?”

“Yeah.”

Danvers swung over her legs so she sat directly next to her on the bed. “I'll sleep on the couch tonight-”

“No you don't have to.”

“But I want to. You need lots of sleep, sleep in if you want. It's no use when you're nodding off on an empty stomach and all on a case. I know what that's like.”

“Okay Danvers.”

“You tired of talking to me?”

Evangeline gave her a glare. “Liz, I don't give a shit about that. It's just, I never wanted to die, I wanted to never be heard from again, but when Sutres came to me about it, I just did not want to believe, but I always wanted to come back to you. I can't stop overthinking about this, it has been haunting my sleep”

“Ange it's okay. Get some sleep. Here.” Liz put Holden's bear in her lap and rubbed her back. “He missed you too.”

When Liz left the room, Evangeline cried a little bit about Liz trusting her with the plush. About how Liz was so gentle with her, how she caressed her face. Evangeline liked her quite a lot, she grew on her over their shared time together. Before Wheeler, she truly was a mentor of hers. She knew Liz like the back of her hand. She thought about her dirty blonde strands of her hair, how they rounded her face so nicely, how her eyes crinkle when she smiles. Danvers was an attractive woman, no doubt about that, especially for her age. She was a sarcastic, blunt person and Evangeline was addicted to her attitude. How she presented herself. She took shit from no one. Being attracted to that legal senior was hard work. She soon fell into a deep slumber. She was back at Tsalal where that night would become the event that would haunt her.

"I'm sorry..." The older woman said. Almost a whisper. Her voice destroyed, sounding so hoarse, the pain and guilt finally leaked out.

Navarro held her close. She could feel her cold breath hit her skin. "I got you. I got you. It's okay." She turned her head so her lips were resting on her forehead. She gave Liz a peck and rubbed her back. The sound of her cries blended in with the howl of the wind outside.

***

When Evangeline woke up she heard the sound of splashing outside. The sun leaked through the crack in the curtains, the ray of sunshine hitting her directly in the eye. She pulled herself out of bed wondering what could make that sound. She unlocked the door and opened it. It was very mild out for Alaska, a wind chill for sure, but this time of year was nice. Out of the corner of her eye she saw water splashing from the lake by the end of the dock.

“Danvers!”

She ran to the edge of the dock getting ready to jump in when Liz's head came up from under the water. She had a grin on her face that confused Evangeline. “Were you about to come in and save me?”

“I thought you were drowning!”

Liz chuckled as she swam over to her, lifting herself out of the water and standing herself up on the dock. “Can you hand me my towel?” She asked about, being in some cargo shorts and a sports bra. She caught Evangeline staring at her soaked figure.

Navarro handed her the towel and shook her head. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

“Swimming?”

“That water is freezing. Do you do this everyday or?”

“I started when you left. I found myself afraid of water so my therapist recommended me doing some exercises for getting used to it again.” Liz saw Evangeline wasn't even looking her in the eyes but paying attention to her strong core. Liz dried herself and snapped her fingers. “Hey I'm talking. What? You surprised I'm not a skinny ass anymore?” Evangeline wanted to touch those rippling abs but god only knows what thoughts in her head would pop up later.

“You're still a skinny ass.” She quipped.

Liz rolled her eyes and whipped her on the ass with her towel. “Asshole.”

[ashadeintheshade]

I am here bearing an ask about City of Angels: what was the original timeline like? Now that all of it is out I'm dying to know. (Also hope you feel better soon!)

oh MAN the original plot 😂😂

Thanks for the ask @void-ptr!! This AMA idea was from the one you mentioned to me a long time ago!

I still have the original file with the Madeleine-still-being-alive-Sweeney Todd plot outline somewhere...

First I have to slog through every edit that I ever saved (SEPERATELY because I'm a crazy person).

Okay the original outline was a little bit unhinged. This outline document had character sketches and ideas as well as several timelines and spans 27 pages. It had gems like:

and:

Obviously Erik having a breakdown was paramount in my plot-developing process.

In any case, the original outline copy and pasted from this document was (no judgement!! under the cut because of "spoilers" I guess):

Madeleine is nice to erik, doesn’t make him wear mask. He sings and he plays. Only see his gloves. Screen.

Refuses to allow her son to be exposed. In order to continue his career she descends into bad things with Campbell

Erik discovers this when he thinks Madeleine is dead, blows up Campbell building

Opens home for orphans

Christine is there (CHRISTINE IS AFRAID OF CHANGE, OF LEAVING THE MAGGIE )

Finds Christine singing and becomes interested in her voice

Does not understand that he is falling in love with her, just does voice stuff. Spends time with her because it feels peaceful, reminds him of being with his mother

Christine has romance with raoul

Finds out who she really is

Christine has her first debut. Goes out with raoul and erik misses her

Erik begins to realize he has feelings for her but they depress him because of what he did and his face and stuff and just ANGST for erik

He stays away from her but it is painful and he realizes that she has missed his elusive presence as she calls it

Erik has angst about it

They talk a lot like angel of music except she knows he’s a real man

Her career progresses

She beings to talk about raoul and erik is increasingly jealous. Does eriky things.

Breaks his own rule and sings for her

Touches her

Understands that he is in love with her

Decides to go with the full face mask

Christine is stymied by him but this bothers him because he knows none of it is real, understands that his voice is hypnotic

Makes him sad, wants to be loved for himself

Raoul dislikes being ignored

Erik wanting to be with Christine, considering many things to make her his

Erik meets Madeleine, she is still alive

Understands that all of the horridness he has done has been for nothing

Has breakdown

Goes to Christine, [sleeps with her], begs her to love him, begs her to marry him

Has another breakdown

The next morning he feels so guilty he leaves

Angst angst

Doesn’t know what to do

He goes back to find Madeleine and she is dying

Erik takes care of Madeleine

Thinks of Christine. Mama dies.

Erik returns and finds that Christine has been trying desperately to reach him

She says that she thinks she loves him

Erik explains that he is not at all what she thinks he is, that none of him that she has seen or known is real

Tells her to go away from him, far far away.

She is crying, does not understand. Erik just wants her to go away because it hurts. He slips off his gloves, and then slowly peels away his face. Christine’s eyes glaze over.

She faints. Erik waits for her to awaken. He feels numb now. He cradles her. When she awakens she screams, but he can almost forgive her for it. She doesn’t understand. He explains. There are still tears in her eyes. He explains the last thing. That he was responsible for the Campbell building. Then he gets up and leaves.

Stays away for a long time.

Christine meanwhile has been extremely confused. Erik left her with too many secrets and she feels betrayed and let down and utterly confused

Christine sort of went back to raoul but just didn’t understand what she was feeling so he was less important.

Erik returns. Erik says he will leave forever if that is what she wants. He tells her that he loves her, desperately. But that he understands. Christine says she is unsure.

Christine’s career progresses. Erik leaves her a note saying that he will go away forever. Christine is sad. Erik is sad. He decides that without Christine he has no will to live. But he decides he needs to hear her sing once more.

He goes several weeks later to hear her sing and she notices him in the rafters. They are giving faust. Charles dance scene ensues. Christine welcomes him back

They have much loving and everyone is yay.

Sorry for it being so long, I just copied and pasted it. If I do say so myself, I think the current iteration of COA is better than this original plan 😂

The "Charles Dance scene" is the one at the end of 1990s phantom when he sings Faust with her during the performance, a scene I've always been obsessed with. The Cherik has always been strong with this story!

[aphroditestummyrolls]

spare prayer or bhad for the wip game 💌

Hello! Here’s a little something from chapter 7 🫠🥹✨

His eyes burned and vision blurred. Da was still following him, dogging every stumbled step down the rest of the short corridor, calling his name, trying to explain. As if there was anything more to say.

He’d made his feelings pretty clear. Jesper honestly wasn’t sure he could stand to hear it again. He knew what he had to do, and he hardly needed his father’s approval to do it.

For a split second, he felt work-roughened fingers brush against his hand. It was all Jesper could do to pull sharply away, to open his bedroom door with desperate hands, and to slam the door shut hard enough to rattle the hinges. If he didn’t, he’d do something embarrassing, like cry.

He didn’t even want a drink. He wasn’t even looking for a game. Hell, in this state, Jes couldn’t hold a hand of cards if he tried. All he could manage was to sniffle pathetically, and lean heavily against the door.

His da knocked feverishly at his back.

I want… I want to go home.

Maybe it was maudlin, but he couldn’t help but wonder what he even wanted when he said home. After all this? He wasn’t sure his childhood home was an option anymore. But, was Colm right? Was a tiny room above a gambling den really a home? Jesper would be lying if he said living in The Slat was five star accommodation. Honestly, when he thought of home, he thought of… of feelings, and people, and sensations— not places. He thought of—

“—sper? Jesper?”

Somewhere in his wallowing, he’d slid his back down the door to sit in a crumpled heap on the floor. And, when he opened his teary eyes, his heart squeezed in his chest. He wasn’t alone. Hot tracks blazed down his cheeks, but Jesper didn’t even notice.

Sighing until he deflated, Jes croaked out a “hi” that made him sound like he was on death’s door.

Wylan quirked that tiny little smile, reaching out to wipe away a tear with his thumb. With the other hand, he reached up and hammered with his whole palm against the door. It shocked the knocking into silence.

“Haven’t you done enough?” Wylan called harshly. “Go away!”

Only once they heard the footsteps getting fainter in the corridor did his fiery little boyfriend sit back down. He looked for all the world like nothing had happened at all. Like it was just a rough night. Like the world wasn’t coming down around their ears, and their fathers weren’t beating down the proverbial— and literal— doors.

“Careful,” Jes licked his dry lips, and tried to find the words to say. “Don’ hurt your back.”

“My back is fine—“

“You did almost die, merchling, barely two days ago. Why won’t you just let me worry you for a minute—?”

“Worry about me? Jes…”

There was a beat of silence where all there was were Jesper’s half-choked, hitching breaths, and the feeling of Wylan’s soft hand stroking over his over-heated skin. He knew it was stupid. He knew he’d come in here, not realised he wasn’t alone, and proceeded to have an absolute bloody breakdown.

“He said…”

“I know.” Wy said gently. His big eyes were so soft, but the line of his jaw was tense. “You two weren’t exactly minding your volume.”

Oh. Jes supposed that shouldn’t surprise him.

YeeeeHAWWWWWW! Thank you for playing, my friend ❤️

[0asisbliss]

Hello! I saw you wrote a fic of Aizawa, so i was wondering if you could write one im which his daughter is in his teen years and she arrives home completly drunk and wasted?

And then next day she kind of brokedown and stars crying and apologizing for being a shitty daughter?

Sorry?

A/N: Thank you for requesting! Please be free to request again!🩷🤍 SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING ERRORS!!

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol usage, reader has a mental breakdown in front of Aizawa.

You and some friends were always planning to do things together, but something either always came up or you chickend out. When your friend came begging you to come with her to a party you thought it was you first chance at going to one of those parties everyone talks about.

You get dolled up all nice and pretty wanting to look your best. You got a text from your best friend saying that your crush would be there. Of course you had to look your best when it came to him.

To get to the party your friend would pick you up. You snuck out at night making sure Shinsou, and Aizawa were asleep. Shinsou wouldn’t really care, but you still made sure to do it at a time you knew they would be asleep at out of the way.

At the party you found your crush. You two actually hit it off pretty well. You both were having a good time. Your friend left somewhere with her boyfriend. But you automatically know where they went. So you decided to make the conversation a little bit fun with drinking. I mean your friend does it all the time, and she’s fine, so you thought nothing could go wrong.

Meanwhile at home Aizawa got up from his slumber this usual happens because of his messed up sleep schedule. He goes in Shinsou’s room to find him sound asleep then he enters yours. He looks around quickly thinking to himself that everything is quite dandy, and goes back to bed. It’s not until checks a second to make sure his eyes wasn’t tricking him to realize you were gone.

Oh now it’s bad. Where could you be? Did you runaway? No. You had no reason to run away, so where did you go? He quickly wakes up Shinsou, and asks where you might be, and he doesn’t know. Now Aizawa starts to overthink the possibility of you being kidnapped. But no. Not that either he sure he would’ve heard something.

He didn’t hear any struggling or crying at night, and he’s sure he’s already woke up like 3 times already.

He goes to sit on the couch in the living room and stares into space. Where could you be?

A couple hours pass and Aizawa hears the jingle of keys at the door. He jumps up to answer it. It’s you, but you look horrible. Your hair is messed up, your makeup looks terrible because your mascara has flowed down your face almost like it was your dried up tears, and your eyes were red.

“Oh doll where have you been?” He says in a worried tone you pay absolutely no attention to.

“Havinfundumbass..” Your words are slurred together in way Aizawa can barely understand, but he understood enough for his heart to drop to his feet and tears start to well at his eyes.

“I-I was worried, and you didn’t tell me anything so I was making all these assumptions and-.”

“And I don’t care-.” You stumbled all the way to your bedroom and plopped face down indicating to him that you were tired.

Aizawa gave up, and he decided that he would deal with you in the morning.

You got and did your morning routine just like every other morning with you. You went into the kitchen to see your father making breakfast. That’s when it all hit you again. You were being a bitch to your father.

“Hey dad..”

He ignored you. He didn’t even spare you a second glance.

“I’m sorry.. I should’ve at least asked or something..” You thought this would work because it worked all those other times you did it to get yourself out of situations like these.

But again he ignored you.

That’s when tears officially started to run down your face and your hands start to shake as if you were holding in something, and just can’t take it anymore.

“Dad, dad I’m sorry okay. It was stupid please. Please don’t ignore me I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Even as you kept repeating yourself as in you were saying a mantra you still felt a hole in heart.

“Do you know how it feels to think your daughter ran away or worse? The person you love so much? Thinking they just got up and left. You don’t think [name]. Nonetheless I forgive you.. just-just don’t do anything like that again?”

“O-Okay..” Your lip formed a pout as you turned around to leave to go to your room. Even though you were forgiven you knew he wouldn’t forget that night, and what you did.