#and bipolar isnt gonna cancel out my whole entire autism | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

autisticstarseed · 7 years ago

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the past few days have literaly made me feel like the super mario headsmash video i just want to sleep but at the same time [ytp ‘WHAT THE FU-BOOM’ sound effect as i blow up my bed]

#neg/ // /#d//on'/t r/e/b//lo/g/#like i cant beleiv e people still try to tell me i cant recognize my mania just bc its atypical and i can hide it well #what is writing scripts in a matter of hours and pitching them to netflix through email #what is fighting your way through ambien to make an abstract painting at 1 am bc you cant bare the thought of sleeping #autism apparently waters a lot of bipolar symptoms down but it deosnt mean its?? not real #those things are just as big of a deal #and my ultra rapid cycling while uncommon is definitely a. thing #like this is the best ive got and it makes perfect sense to me that im not gonna #go clubbing or w/e with no car and no money from being unemployed #severe social anxiety no independancy like an illness cant make money physically manifest and on top of that #if i was manic why would i wanna do something that Wouldnt Make me Happy and Doesnt sound fun like if i #never enjoy clubbing or spending money for that matter bc i have a fear of poverty then why would it even cross my mindddd #unless i suddenly gain the ability to teleport or think itd be fun to steal im leaning towards no that all sounds bad #and bipolar isnt gonna cancel out my whole entire autism #idk how to convey that to people #like for instance my biggest worst Longest manic episode as suggested by my therapist was. when i had a job for 2 months #thats it. i got a job. that was the harmful overacheiving heightened self esteem delusion of grandeur moment was thinking i could have a job #bc with the rest of my illnesses/disabilities i should have known i was not in a state to do that it was uncharacteristic but #oh halloween store sounds fun i love money time to work myself to the point of having partial seizures #i even read an autobiography snipit the other day from someone who had autism and bipolar 1 and they said #making Eye Contact and talking freely was signs of their mania #its different i get it but #like at this point since im letting my psych/therapist call the shots when people give me dirty looks its just invalidating #its a weird hellish combination and its just as confusing for me too tru st me #anyways @ god please let me sleep ik when this blows over im gonna feel like actual human death

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