#and being afraid and worried when you see others doing smth you dont agree with

[antique-forvalaka]

Sigh.

No one can take your canon gay rep away from you.

No one.

Not even a random anon writing het fic for a personal challenge to write purposely 'unlovable' fic, nor a group of people jumping in for fun.

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

--

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

[wongiemei]

Roommate!Jeno

a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one

okay

letsgetit!

first of all,

story time!

your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds

so you being the wise human,

you went to get an apartment near the campus

it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff

you were both living respectively until he had to leave

the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you

one morning you just woke up and found his note

‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’

the whole day yesterday, you were working

bc,,, yknow

broke college life

and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep

so you didnt really see or notice

but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?

ofc you were freaking out

not only was your roommate gone,

how were you going to find a new one?!

jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming

‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’

‘oR tWO?!’

‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’

ugh, jaemin is such a family boy

‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’

jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy

but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you

however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was

‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’

knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed

ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak

but he’s not that mean, is he?

you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin

so there you are,,

sitting on your couch alone

without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty

its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable

jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate

just as you were about to call him,,

your doorbell rang

you froze and you looked at the time

it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery

see,,

if jaemin was here,

he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it

but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole

the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants

ngl, you were terrified and trembling

he rang it again and you jumped

typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’

you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door

thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung

a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position

you both just froze for like a phat minute

snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you

‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’

you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much

the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid

okay, so you were sHOokETh

damn! this boy is fine!

he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand

‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’

now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side

the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up

nodding, you motioned him to come in

jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent

‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’

you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face

‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’

you begged and jeno thought you were weird

but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way

so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!

now onto the good stuff!

so, jeno is a vv clean guy

like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage

so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible

but you being a mess you are,

you usually leave a lot of things everywhere

lets just say you have a short memory

‘oh? how did that get there?’

eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it

ofc you understand and you actually try to be better

since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate

maybe even better than jaemin

(but don’t tell him that)

jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream

since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7

he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first

even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee

babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe

you on the other hand,,

you’re very surprised

when you got to bed after showing jeno around,

you messaged jaemin

ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone

‘WHAT?!’

‘bitch answer the damn phone!’

‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’

‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’

‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’

smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him

‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’

but jeno is F A R from C H I L L

oh my goodness,,

hes a crackhead

theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is

you and him basically communicate with memes

sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme

you cant help but snort 

also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate

‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’

hes a science major while you were a computer major

he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks

but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside

whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing

‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’

its so cute

oof also!

jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare

he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’

for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands

at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth

which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop

but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face

it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water

but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut

you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair

thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions

‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’

but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip

‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’

cue confused y/n

‘wUT?’

‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’

ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you

‘how is this making money?!’

‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’

more confusion

‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’

you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened

but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside

‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’

jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn

with your wide eyes and mouth open

‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’

‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’

he looked at you skeptically

‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’

lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day

What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night

‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’

you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt

he nodded and slipped it off

he explained why he came late when he first moved

‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'

as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself

 ‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’

you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body

there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted

‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’

‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’

your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma

jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face

‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’

his confidence made you chuckle

‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’

‘i know you do and i will. always.”

ever since then,

youve become his little caretaker

youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately

smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people

but jeno tries to help you keep up

he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile

his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more

chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt

so,, what better to be the manager of his friend

‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’

jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent

his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked

‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’

at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head

‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’

chenle being chenle,,

he continues to prod

‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’

smh, chenle youre so annoying

but hes so right

ever since you caught him,

hes been making sure he gets home at the same time 

he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him

during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you

but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you

he just thought of it as making you not worry for him

but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits

the way you make this face whenever you dont understand

or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with

he noticed it all and he loves them

‘hOLy ShIT!’

that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money

bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes

‘what’s wrong?’

you came running but he scooped you up to a hug

ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright

jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you

you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you

(his thoughts, not mine)

‘i-i’

he stuttered and you motioned him to continue

‘i won!’

he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time

guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts

(dab that bitch)

‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’

he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’

‘nah, im just good’

you eyed him and smiled

he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face

heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night

he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him

‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’

you halt and look at him seriously

‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’

even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago

but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more

‘thank you’

his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help

a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight

sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore

but this was so un-jeno

just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street

‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’

you question while he looked sheepish

‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’

he laughed but you didnt react

‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’

he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks

‘i-well-if you put it that way’

‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'

‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’

he argued and a soft smile crept up your face

‘yah, lee jeno'

your voice became a whisper

‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’

he looked at you in shock after hearing your response

he also turned red at the mention of him being yours

‘so-but-i dont think-'

he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop

‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'

by now, yall were blushing

even though it might not sound like it,

but yall just indirectly confessed to each other

yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip

‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’

your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes

‘like-like a date?’

it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself

but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely

‘it'll be one of many'

lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno

[kpop-stole-my-sanity]

Insomnia // Hwang Hyunjin [bulleted scenario!]

Summary: In which you and Hyunjin are both too oblivious to realize your true feelings... until it’s too late? 

Genre: angsty, floooof, gender neutral 

Word Count: 2175

Warnings: Just some cursing 

A/N: This is my first time writing a bulleted scenario and i quite enjoyed it :) idk it’s fun to not care about settings too much and punctuation and stuff. I also liked adding my own little dumb remarks here are there :PP it was fuN! This was another scenario that kinda arose while i was napping i hope you guys enjoy it! <3 i love stray kids 

i’m also gonna try to make all my scenarios gender neutral from now on (unless specifically requested) b/c we are all about inclusivity here !! :)

This was originally gonna be like a real fic

But the writers block was REAL like i really tried to set the scene and everything

But it didn’t turn out right

And i really wanted to get this one out so HERE WE ARE TRYING THE BULLETED SCENARIO OKAY YAY LETS BEGIN!

Trainee au!! Kinda :D

Like skz didnt go through the survival show yet

Ok so SEtting thE SCeNe~~~~

You just walked into the jyp building bc jyp hired you as a new producer

Like to study under him and potentially help w producing in the future

Like jyp 2.0 ya know

Jyp meets w you himself bc you’re like a prodigy

And a foreigner so he thought you’d be more comfortable w him speaking toyou in english :D

So he explained what you gotta do during your training period

Like studying more about composition and production

Learning korean to more easily communicate w idols and what not

And also honing your own style and figuring out who you are as an artist

So he pairs you up w the trainees bc it be good practice

More specifically skz bc they seem to have a more flexible style

Also like he thought it would be good for you to work w chan and the rest of 3racha

Like bc yall around the same age

And it helps you become more comfy

And familiar w the company and the producing rooms and recording studios and what no

Like

Yer

And then like

Through working w them to produce a song for the trainee showcase

Yall get mad close

And like

You have your eyes on hyunjin from the start

Like bc who couldn’t

Like

Gorgeous boy

At first you were just like “this is admiration”

“He very handsome i just admire his features”

Yeah

And maybe it was..

At first

Now it's a full blown crush

Like

For real

That boy is so hard working

Like you constantly see him asking for help

So he can improve

And like

People always said he was a visual only

Which made you feel bad that you saw that at first 

But you realized later

That like

You actually like him bc of his personality

What a hard worker 

For real

Angel

Anyways

Little did you know that your crush was NOT one sided

Hyunjin admired your hard work in producing

And how you always took criticism well and only worked to improve your work

Also

He thought you were hella cute

So yall were both kinda obvious

Him more than you

Like by a loT

So skz knew for a fact that hyunjin was head over heels in love w you so they pushed him to confess to you

Yeah he was like no

But after PEEr pRessUre

He finally agreed

They was gonna plan something like a party for you

To celebrate the time you’ve been w the company

But the showcase came before the celebration and suddenly they were on a survival show to see who would debut

So the party was postponed OOOODDDDD

But you didnt even know it was gonna happen so you didnt mind anyways

Soon enough it got closer to your birthday, and skz just decided to make it a birthday celebration instead

Hyunjin was more iffy about confessing bc what if you dont feel the same and he ruins your bday oh no

But at this point, skz was sure you liked him back so they were like dont worry about that they aren’t like that your relationship will be fine

So the party happens ladida

You were super surprised and sosososososo happy

Bc like

Your hart

These boys were precious and totally made your day

Tbh bc of your work

You almost forgot it was your birthday

After the crazy loud party, you wanted to like take some quiet time for yourself so you excused yourself

And then walked to the hallway and sat by the window and looked out at the city and the night sky

Beautiful

And suddenly you heard footsteps

It was this boy named jason who you were friends with

He was from the same town you were from so you got close p quickly when you first got to jyp

And jason had a not-so-secret crush on you

That ofc you were oblivious to

But he came over there to spend time w you and wish you happy bday

Little did you know

Hyunijn was mentally preparing himself to confess to you down the hall and around the corner w a pretty bouquet of flowers what a sweet boy

And when he finally works up the courage, he turns the corner and sees jason giving you a bday hug 

And he cant help but feel his hart drop

Yall look good together and like you were from the same town so similarities

So he was heartbroken needless to say

 He quickly turned around and walked away

But you heard the footsteps and saw just a glance of his outfit retreating

You excused yourself from jason’s company and ran after him bc you are so in love w this boy

You were gonna hug him and thank him, but when you approached he took a step back

Like ow

That hurt

He quickly stammered that he had to go home bc he was tired and left

He was hiding the flowers behind his back :’(

And then tossed them as soon as he left the building

He went for a long ass walk to clear his mind and soothe his aching heart

You were so worried

Was he okay?

You went home soon after bc you couldnt help but worry and that made you super tired

But you couldn't sleep

InsOMniA

Goddamn it hyunjin

You messaged him

“you’re prob sleeping but i hope you feel better”

Dry ass reply: “thx”

Like wow

Rude

But you let it go

jic he was actually really exhausted

You knew he took criticism from the show too so maybe it was that

Hopefully he’d talk to you about it bc he usually did

But he didn't

He avoided you

Your heart really couldnt take it

Meanwhile you and jason got closer bc you didnt have hyunjin to hang out w anymore

Despite your many efforts

And this just further fuels his belief that yall are together

So to ignore the tinge in his heart every time he saw you, he buried himself in practice

Didn't sleep

Didnt drink enough water

Didnt eat enough

He was getting dangerously skinny and unhealthy

And it affected his attitude

Not only to you but to his members

One day you were asked to come in and monitor a recording session

And he was happy and giggly in front of the camera

But as soon as it turned off u could see the fatigue

And you told him that he should take better care of himself

And he SNAPPEd at you

 You actually flinched bc he was so aggressive

Your heart SHATTEREd

And you, also sleep deprived as FUCk

Slapped him

Not super hard, but like a “what the fuck is wrong with you”

And you walked right out, not even bothering to hide your tears

And he was sad but he thought that you hating him would help him get over you

What a dumb boy

You completely avoided him after that

You also still had restless nights 

God that convo kept playing over and over in your head

YOU COULDNT SLEEP

But one day you got a call from chan

He needed your help

Hyunjin was seriously overworking himself and he was afraid hyunjin was gonna collapse

Luckily you were still at the company working on smth bc ofc you couldn't sleep anyways so might as well make use of your time

So you finally agree bc even if you’re still angry at him, you are srsly worried about this boy

And when you get to the dance room your heart breaks all over again

Hes so pale

And sickly looking

And hes shaking but hes still dancing

You knock and hear a gruff “its open”

The music pauses for a moment but when he sees its you he scoffs and turns it back on

“what do you want”

“Uhm.. are you okay?”

“Why? You wanna slap me again to make me feel better?”

Ofc you rolled your eyes bc wtf hyunjin you were being nice

“I dont even know why i bothered”

You go over to the stereo and turn it off yourself

And he turns to you angry

ARGUMENT TIME

Him: “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?”

“MY PROBLEM?!!!?!?? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PUSHED ME AWAY FOR NO DAMN REASON!! AND EVEN AFTER ALL THAT, I STILL TRIED TO BE NICE AND ASK IF YOU WERE OKAY. I WAITED FOR YOU TO OPEN UP TO ME. TO TALK TO ME ABOUT WHATEVER WAS BOTHERING YOU!”

At this point, you’re practically sobbing like udk if he can understand you but who cares

All this frustration that was pent up inside felt good being released

Bc at this point, you had nothing more to lose

Hyunjin already hated you so like why not just speak your mind amirite

 Anyways continuing w the dialogue:

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY PROBLEM WHEN MY PROBLEM IS YOU!”

Cue awkward pause/break thing (AWKwARD SiLEncE)

“What are you talking about hyunjin?”

He sighed defeatedly

It was now or never. He felt like his relationship w you was ruined already anyways

So he, like you, also had a ‘what do i have to lose’ mentality

“I was going to confess to you y/n. That night at your birthday party. But i was too late. I saw you with jason and you looked so happy and perfect together.  So i left. I cut my ties with you because i didn’t want my own feelings to get in the way of your happiness.”

You were completely utterly speechless

Like there were an overwhelming number of feelings enveloping you atm

Bc on the one hand:

The love of your life just confessed to you

But on the other

Like

What a dumbass

You end up laughing and scoffing at his words bc

Hes so dumb

You dont like jason

God you’ve been in love w hyunjin for so goddamn long

And now you’re debating over how to respond

But like your anger and frustration kinda takes precedence bc youre also sleep deprived and you go

“ so, you broke your own heart and then you broke mine because you didn’t want to talk to me about it you dumbass ????”

And he gives you that classic confused puppy-dog look

W the head tilt and everything

And you go

“Hwang hyunjin, i’m fucking in love with you”

And he just stares blankly at you and blinks like 8 times trying to comprehend what just came out of your mouth

And his lips form an ‘o’ shape

And then hes coming closer and wrapping his arms around you

And you dont even mind that hes still sweaty and kinda smelly

Bc hes finally in your arms

But holding him so close also makes you super aware of just how skinny he’s gotten

Like it was worse than you thought

So you pull back and you open your mouth to chastise him

But before you can even start he’s cupping your cheeks can pulling your face to his

Your lips collide and then they're molding into one another

And your mind kinda blanks out

But your automatic reaction seems to be letting your fingers run through his hair and pulling him closer towards you

And when yall finally come up for breath

He tries to go in for another one like immediately after

Like slow your roll boy you guys can kiss all you want later

If you said that out loud, he wouldve responded w something like “we gotta make up for lost time”

But you put your hands on his chest and hold him back

And he pouts

(you almost squeal at how cute he looks)

“Ok, now that we’re dating, i am literally commanding you to take better care of yourself because this,” you eye him up and down, “is unacceptable”

And he quirks an eyebrow up and is like

Oh? I don’t recall asking you out? On a date?”

And you get all blushing and become a blubbering mess and hide your face in his chest like

“Shut up hyunjin”

But he’s just giggling at your embarrassed face :D

Then, him being the dramatic hoe that he is, he gets down on one knee in front of you and says

“y/n, y/l/n, will you go out on a date with me?”

And ofc u say yes

And after that whole dramatic scene, you pull him out of the practice room, fingers intertwined, ready to stuff him with food

And he goes

“I dont think i said it back.”

“Said what back?”

“That i love you”

UWU

And the rest is history

[witchysleepingbeauty]

Hi princess! So imagine this lady who's always ALWAYS being negative abt her kids, never a kind word and only belittling, every other day, like "what did I do wrong really? What kind of kids have I raised? They're bla bla bla" with venom. And worst who doesnt acknowledge how negative + painful she is

When i try to talk to her nd ask her exactly whats the issue with 'me' or how can I help her to ease her burden as she keeps complaining how we're ungrateful or keeps comparing to other 'more acceptable in her eyes" children, she gets defensive nd won't answer properly. She says "ohhh, why don't U know that? arent u old enough to know?' and then starts ranting. when time after time ive begged her to clearly tell me, no passiv agressiveness please! it doesn't work nd i end up wondering why i even bother when im only the villain... Yes this ig is my role in her story that ive writen? confusing 😅

when I can, sometimes i try to help her even tho shes the sort who likes to stay busy so she'll find smth else to do lol, nd inside hope for her to be at least a little NOT negative today.... she either ignores or gets angrier nd goes all "hey, I didn't ask U to do that! How dare u act like u did me a favor! U think ur perfect while im just ur servant right?" when i never even intend that? i effing HATE negative reinforcement nd i feel so damn bad for her, nd shes taught me how negative reinforcement is the worst thing to use, cuz it never teaches anything only builds resentment!!

this is smth i realised that she cant be pleased, she wants to get attention what I mean is, whenever we spend time together, she is perfectly fine when we're talking abt her hobbies nd interests which tbh im NOT that interested in personally but since she likes them i like to discuss them with her nd help her out with projects. not to say "ohhh im so cool i help out with her projects look at me so kind of me! lol" its just it hurts when ur own mother doesn't even rpetend to care abt ur interests. i suspect deep down i carried this feeling of unworthiness ie if even my own mother doesn't care abt my hobbies/projects, no one will . which is why i feel so uncomfortable sharing anything personal to my rl friends cuz im so afraid theyll reject me too :(

By not caring i dont mean I expect her to listen nonstop to me. she has her own life but i mean she purposely zones out, rolls her eyes which HURT SM when i was a child, or even worst she says "im not interested" nd shuts the convo. again, at this point, idec anymore as ive learned slowly to value nd cherish my own value nd hobbies etc which is an important lesson anyway

the only thing i want is to stop her being so painfully negative LOUDLY. Yk I suspect becuz of her dwelling on whats wrong in her life, shes gotten severe numbness nd swelling in one arm? and even the doctors cant detect whats wrong! nd its hella painful nd she can't even lift it up sometimes!!!! THIS GOES ON TO SHOW HOW INNER CONSTANT NEGATIVITY CAN BE REFLECTED IN THE OUTER AKA OUR BODY!! To anyone else who cant help have negative thoughts ONLY, u gotta try to change them! Please! Bcuz my mother's pain in her arm is sometimes crazily too much! Nd this in turn, esp on days where all i hear is her gripe, its worse at night!

Anyway I was compeled to write this as a while ago i went to the kitchen for water nd from her room i heard her loudly complain nd mutter abt how her kids are "socially unacceptable" nd "dear god i pray please please don't let me rely on them in old age, i made a mistake raising them!" She's the sort whos got so many limiting beliefs that initially led to my deep unhappiness w/o knowng it was these beliefs at play eg if you dont become a certain career, youll have no security, or recently she keeps nd keeps lamenting abt not havjng 'enoufh money' (we r having kinda financial crisis due to some rlly terrible decisions by my other parent) or 'oh Im STUCK with this [bad word] family!" when she saw a movie abt someone who went on a trip nd began comparing her own life to it. She's so talented we all ask her to start an online business but she backs away nd says 'how will i ever get capital? im doomed to never have what i want' nd I myself have a bit empty wallet temporarily so i cant help her. Nyway, while im trying to fix my own beliefs, seeing her rage nd let negativity completly take over her is alarming nd worrying to me. it makes me feel negative emotions too. im not entirely confident in mastering my mind ywt. i was that overly sensitive kid at school nd i absorv her energy a lot. Those who u love the most, hurt u the most. nd i agree bcoz while im hurt by her (not that shes intentionally hurting me. THRU her im hurt), i do love her. Nd now thanks to the law ik by changing my beliefs abt things, i can change the world

My reason is i cant change her bcuz she gets hella maddened if i suggest a less negative thought. Nd she instead starts blaming me for my 'decisions in Life' which SHE would NEVERRR make oh no... -_- Nd im not saying i try to be obnoxious abt it hell no! im talking abt getting frustrated at the table talking abt smth abt a random topic, then suddenly listening to her start complaining abt e g. Some kid whos "richer" than i am heatedly! nd if i steer the convo away, nope, she keeps fuming a bit

so since i can only change myself, how the hell do i change my assumptions of her? i affirm having a great mother, happy nd open with her thriving business etc. i affirm this but i cant focus cuz doing so inevitbly makes me sad lol cuz i rmmbr how happy nd liveky she used to be before some unfortunate things in our family that started yrs ago. Which affected us all. Any advice, please? im on a mental diet hwoever the earlier incident of her complaining abt us again caused smth in me to snap. im distancing myself from her but the short times im with her there's only a strong air of disapproval, pain nd misery around her. Tbh i was like that pre-law, not knowing how destructiv my thoughts were, while she was the happy optimistic grateful one. Nd now? Im only slightly more self aware than before ie im NOT saying im able to rise in consiousness SOo much that im 'untouchable' nd buddha-like! Nor is my mom wrong bcuz she's me pushed out! its only her lvl of conciousness nd thats it. its just I don't want to cause or feel more pain or hav any excuse to curse her ,when ego sometimes takes over, anymore. im having some personal issues to take care of too, which is why this is affecting me too much. Sort of like having a weak immune system already?

I want my happy intelligent mom back. ik i got to change me... but the doing is way harder than the saying

🫀anon

Okay first of all imma say it cause I don’t think nobody else will…. Your mom is shitty…. There, I said it. She is abusive and selfish and a bad mom. No parent should ever treat their children that way and make them think they need to fix them.

Other than that yes it’s true she is your manifestation but I think it’s important to let emotions out. Be mad at her for once, stop rationalizing her bad behavior. You have the right to feel mad, angry, sad. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

I know it seems impossible to keep a mental diet when you see the negative behavior you wish to change every day. I assume you live in the same house. My suggestion is to stick to your mental diet and try to interact as little with her as possible. Go out more often or stay a bit more in your room. Every time you see a behavior from her that you don’t like, and you feel like affirming doesn’t help, close your eyes and see her hugging you and telling you all sorts of beautiful, loving things you’d like to hear from her.

You should also work on your self concept. Parental issues often manifest from poor self concept. Affirmations like “I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, I am respected, I am cherished” work amazing.

[kyungpom]

You being accused of heteronormativity must be the joke of the century. This people that dislike you promoting Ksoo's masculinity should ask themselves WHY. Bc if having 2 males in a gay relationship acting like, surprisingly, males, makes you that uncomfortable idk man, but that says something about you. After all it's not like continuously making him as the passive one, the bottom one, the pretty one, the innocent one, the emotional one, is smth heteronormative people do right? *heavy sarcasm*

exactly. why does kyungsoo’s masculinity bother people so much? he might not look like other members that fit a more traditional type of masculinity, but he and everyone around him consider him a masculine person and he’s comfortable with that and he expresses it through his fashion, hair, etc. he’s not like one of those macho kind of men, he’s unpretentious, kinda weird and unbothered by it, kind, soft, helpful, polite, and he takes care of his mom. he represents such a gentle type of masculinity that is so rare we should be supporting, not feeling threatened by.some people seem to get genuinely upset that he’s considered more masculine than other more traditionally masculine-looking members, as if his masculinity were a threat to other people’s own. but other members are comfortable in their own masculinity too and it’s not a competition so there’s no need to worry. some of them like jongin even embrace femininity, childishness, and that’s also something we should be supporting, not because of fanfiction, but because men are not usually allowed to be in touch with their feminine or childish side. boys are forced from a very young age when they’re just starting to explore the world to stay away from “girly” things when such a thing doesn’t even exist. and to have a role model like jongin who seems so confident in his own identity he’s not afraid to look like a pretty fairy one day and like a handsome prince the next is such a beautiful thing that those who are used to gender binaries and their strict assigned roles might find it hard to accept, but for those of us who have a more fluid understanding of gender it’s refreshing and something to be treasured.the other day i was talking on twitter about kyungsoo and jongin’s masculinity (jongin is my second bias, for those who didn’t know) how it’s so different from each other and that i admire both because they represent different types of masculinity that don’t make me feel attacked the way “mainstream” masculinity does.and i play with their masculinity in my AUs (aka the stories in my head that i will prob never write) but it’s not like “today you’re gonna be the girly one and you the manly one”, it could happen because couples like that do exist but it changes with the au and i don’t have to force them into these roles because i’m not very interested in hyperfemininity or hypermasculinity anyway.the fic i post doesn’t reflect my imagination, because those are fics i’ve read, not written/recommended, so it’s wrong to assume that i see kyungsoo as the macho man and jongin as the whimpering uke.some people think i dont like feminine kyungsoo when i’ve had feminine/girl ksoo in my mind for years, but i do it in a way that i think fits him well. i don’t have to agree with the popular portrayals to be into it. but nobody knows cause i dont share everything i think about on here, this blog is a selection of things or random thoughts (maybe careless or insensitive ? sometimes, i honestly don’t remember everything i’ve ever said but i know i’ve grown a lot in the past couple years and i will keep doing it and all these experiences are helping me to become a better person irl, which is the most important to me, and now im rambling lol) not a complete encyclopedia of all my stan/shipper thoughts.

if anyone cared enough to ask you would know all of this, but i guess it’s more comfortable to assume. also i don’t think i would’ve talked about my biases’ masculinity like this for fear of  angering the shippers but they’re already angry so i figured i would just do it.

[authenticaussie]

Well, this can either end up really funny or really sad... "I thought I detected a whiff of virtue in there." I can't wait to find out which ;)

Commissions! || Ko-fi!

Sorry you had to wait so long to find out, nonnie!!!! 

Hope this at least makes up for it vuv 

From that old hero/villain au where ace / marco are villains and sabo is their put upon hero that is flirted with c o n s t a n t l y, to his great pleasure chagrin 

Sabo has to fight a few other villains and ace and marco get Annoyed bc they want his attention and he’s been distracted and not foiling their plots easily, so they pair up w/ someone who’s a bit more dangerous and come up with a plot to….do some villainy things? Rob a bank? Blow up some jerks???? Idk guys idk

REGARDLESS, sabo sneaks in and spies on their plan except he ends up being slightly to heavy at one point and crashes through the ceiling and everyone’s staring at him and phoenix snorts and goes,

“I thought i detected a whiff of virtue in here.”

“Hey my hottie detector was definitely going off,” firefist adds, sniggering behind his hand, and sabo glares, wishing he could Kill Them

Marco/ace’s partner is ala doc oct tho and grabs sabo w/ one of his spare arms and pins him to a wall and sabo’s so distracted by the sudden pain (bc firefist and phoenix don’t hurt him, they’re clever and cunning and flirt and try and catch him but they don’t hurt anyone)

He’s breathless and his chest feels like it’s getting crushed but before he even has time to supress the feeling and escape, it’s suddenly gone and he drops straight into someone’s arms

Looks straight up into phoenix’s face and his mask and fuck he can feel himself turning red when phoenix smiles at him thankfully, obviously glad that sabo’s okay, and turning away doESNT HELP bc firefist has punched the guy and is standin over him, teeth bared in a growl and fire swirling over his fists (he looks so threatening and protective, and that Really Should Not Make Sabo want to kiss him)

He struggles and tries to get out of phoenix’s hold because he’s still a hero and he has to save everyone (and Look Okay he’s not fond of being held princess style when his blood is roaring in his ears and his face is burning) but phoenix won’t let him go, especially when moving makes sabo release this breathless exhale of pain

Firefist sneers at the villain, and basically says smth along the lines of “you’re lucky he’s here, otherwise i wouldn’t fucking hesitate.”

“how are you supposed to win if you never fight to win?”

Phoenix scoffs, carefully putting sabo’s feet back down on the ground but still fucking touching him, like he’s afraid sabo will fall over. “this is never about something so banal as winning.”

(Then what is it about? Sabo feels like asking, but firefist has kicked away their partner and he’s scampering off, and phoenix and firefist turn to him, worry and pity on their faces and like 95% of sabo just goes nOPE and he phases out of phoenix’s hold and jauntily salutes and is like wELP best be going now b y e thanks for the save dont do bad-

And then he’s gone, out through the wall and a w a y as quickly as he can get his bruised body to move.

He wonders if the reason he can barely breathe is bc of his probably cracked rib or because he can still feel the weight of their eyes on him.

(Also one time they see he’s super tired and shoot him with a sleep ray and he wakes up on this surprisingly comfy sofa, rested for the first time in weeks, to firefist texting and sniggering abt things on his phone-

Hey wait that’s my phone! He thinks, and tries to struggle from the couch and flails everywhere and firefist is i m m e d i a t l y worried when he faceplants but starts laughing when sabo is obviously okay.

I like your friends! He declares happily, waving sabo’s phone, and then grins even more wickedly, also your bestie’s mad at u bc u didn’t tell her abt ur secret boyfriend

(Sabo, internally screaming) WHAT

secret boyfriend, he says, waving the phone again, and sabo is #dying koala’s going to Fuck Him Up, they have an agreed deal of meeting each other’s partners and getting to know them and putting them through the ringer bc they both know the other’s a bit blind in their feelings

Koala does end up forcing sab to bring someone and he brings a fake date and koala scoffs and says ur a dick that’s nothing like his photo

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE HIS PHOTO

 O R ALTERNATIVELY SABO BRINGS ACE AS HIS FAKE DATE AND KOALA HAS N O O COMPUNCTIONS ABT THIS WHATSOEVER AND ACE’S FIRST THOUGHT ISN’T “WAIT, WHY DOES SABO NEED A FAKE BOYFRIEND????” it’s more like lahdg hol y f uck date w/ sabo

and then he kind of pieces things together and is like OH MY GOD and yelling internally bc he didn’t figure this would be a Problem but now he HAS to steal koala’s phone and delete the picture of himself on it or sabo’s gonna be Pissy

(mission impossible theme plays in the background)