#and before you come after me 美 means beautiful. 帅 is handsome. is he the 帅猴王?

[natto-axolotl]

lego monkie kid fans who quote unquote "simp for monkie king" but dont say "beautiful monkey king" are cowards. his name is straight up 美猴王. call him beautiful monkey king, cowards. do it.

[ubiquitous-l]

3/117 - Meeting the Stunner (3/4)

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Chapter 3 Raw: http://www.my285.com/XY/wdxj/03.htm

[Unedited]

      一件厚西装。

      A thick suit.

　　咦，为什么西装会动？ Eh! Why? This suit can move? 　　哦，原来西装里还装着个男人，活的。 Oh. This suit was originally filled with a living man.  　　我眨了好几眼，眯着醉醺醺的近视眼，才看清几米外有个高个儿挺拔的男人，看不清长相，在隐约暧昧的灯光下，透着股衣冠禽兽的精英气质。 I blinked several times. Because of the nearsightedness that resulted from my intoxicated state, I had to squint just now to clearly see almost a meter away. Plus, this individual was a tall man. I couldn’t clearly see his appearance from the faint and vague lighting shining down, but I could sense the elite temperament of a dressed-up animal. 

(T/N: Dressed up animal or 衣冠禽兽 - Idiom that directly translates as ���immoral and despicable person”) 　　虽然此刻酒精在我的血液里奔腾叫嚣着，我神志不清， 但全身哆嗦了一下后我福至心灵，天啊，眼前这个男人莫不是小禽兽邓垄？相似的身高身形，还有那冷冰冰拒人于千里外的距离感，令我这小卧底的灵魂燃烧了。 Although, at present, the alcohol in my blood was surging forward in waves. I was delirious but after my whole body suddenly trembled, the heavens sent their approval. Could the man in front of me be the young male beast Deng Long? His height and figure matched. He also possessed a frigid air around him that made others keep their distance. To check if this was him, the spirit of this spy was ignited. 　　我收起刚才的颓废，为了证实我的猜测，我再一次学蜥蜴，贴墙艰难地匍匐了几米，睁大眼站在他边上。

Just now, I retracted from my dispirited self in order to confirm my guess and stuck close to the wall with difficulty to creep about a meter away. I opened my eyes wide as I stood by him. 

　　看清了，不是邓垄，倒是长得比他更有看头。像他的西装一样英俊。

Seeing that he was not Deng Long, I looked closer. Contrary to what one might expect, there seemed to be qualities worth seeing.  　　可惜不是什么善类，一般来说，出现在这鬼地方的男人基本就分两种：一种是东西，一种是不是东西。

Unfortunately, not anything good. Generally speaking, men who come to this kind of shady area can only be divided into two categories: One is a man. The other is no good.  　　反正都不是人，眼前这位应该也不例外。

Anyways, they’re all not human. Looking at this one, he doesn’t seem to be an exception. 

　　我冷得瑟瑟发抖，胃却火烧火燎的，身体还在打战，而这个白皙冷峻的男人则用一种居高临下的眼神偏头打量我，不动声色，那一股子高贵气质令我在对峙中更显猥琐，以及轻浮。

I was shivering cold even though my stomach felt like it was on fire, My body was still fighting the war. The white and solemn man with a condescending set of eyes looked at me. He had that calm and collected look as if he were the son of noble temperament, which made me feel even more insignificant and frivolous in this confrontation. 　　我承认我不习惯被人占便宜，但是却乐于占人便宜，于是我挤了个笑，拍了拍他的肩膀道："喂，嗝，"我打了个酒嗝，"把衣服脱了，不然我揍你。"

I admit that I am not accustomed to being taken advantage of, but happy to take advantage of people, so I squeezed a smile, patted his shoulder and said: "Hey- burp." I burped again, "Clothes. Off. Otherwise, I beat you.” 　　"哦？"男人略微惊讶，挑了挑好看的眉，嗓音低沉好听，很有共鸣感。

”Oh?” The man was slightly surprised. His good-looking eyebrows rose. His low voice was pleasant to hear, very resonant.  　　此刻细碎的光投射在他出色的五官上，而在光作用下，整张脸斯文中透着几分儒雅，儒雅中透着几分禽兽，瞬间令我看痴，更令我的轻浮陡然升级，我擦了擦口水凑近他，手倏地紧握住他的下巴，大方欣赏着："跟刚才的老树皮比起来，你可真是尤物啊。"

At present, the fragments of light casting over him revealed his top-of-the-class facial features. The light also displayed that his whole face was refined. Refined, while being beastly. In a flash, my foolish self felt the need to call on him. Even more, to cause something to happen, my frivolous attitude suddenly upgraded. I wiped away my saliva before leaning closer to him. My hand quickly ceased his chin and explicity appreciated him: “Compared to the old tree bark, you are indeed extraordinarily beautiful.” 　　我不得不承认，醉酒后的我，是多么的诚实，以及不规矩。

I had no choice but to admit that after getting drunk, I was more honest and lose with my reserve.  　　这个男人意料之中地皱眉了，轻轻掰开我侵犯他的手，冷冷退了退："小姐，请自重。"

As expected, this man frowned and pulled open my hands that were holding onto his hand. He coldly retreated: “Miss, I ask that you act more reserved.” 　　"我都是这里的小姐了，还怎么自重啊？"我抱歉地笑笑，"从小Uncle Alan就教导我，遇到尤物就要调戏，遇到一个调一个，遇到一双调一双。" ”This lady is here. Why keep acting dignified?” I gave an apologetic smile, “As a child, Uncle Alan taught me from childhood that when meeting a beautiful woman, one should take liberties with such a woman. To come across such a woman and harmonize with her to the tune of a pair.” 

(T/N: By lady, she refers to herself as a prostitute. P.s. I totally guessed the last sentence, I think it might be like “It takes two to tango”?) 　　"你叫什么名字？"美男平静的脸露着淡淡的怒意，看来想揭我底方便日后打击报复。 ”What is your name?” The beautiful man’s calm face expressed a hint of annoyance. It seems that he wanted to expose my background for easier retaliation in the future. 　　想查户口是吧？我越发想笑，我方亮亮就是吃盘问犯人这碗饭的，于是我又打了个酒嗝，玩弄着自己的假发，身体边晃荡着，边朝他抛了个大胆的媚眼："你看不出来吗？我姓采，名花贼。采花贼，帅哥你记住了吗？"

Wanting to look for my family, is that right? I had an increasing urge to laugh. I, Fang Liang Liang, eats convicts like a bowl of rice during interrogations. I, once again, hiccuped. Playing with my wig as my body swayed, I faced this daring man and threw him a flirtatious look: “You can’t tell? My last name is gathered among winners, Hua Zei. A flower thief, can’t you tell, handsome?”

(T/N: Last name = Hua is a flower. Zei = thief. Literally, means a r*pist.) 　　"你胆子很大。"美男锐利的眼盯着我，透着一股恼羞成怒。

”You’re very brave.” The beautiful man’s keen eyes focused on me. I flew into a rage out of humiliation.  　　啧啧，有意思了。

Tsk. Tsk. Interesting. 　　"狗胆包天对吧？因为我醉了啊。嗝，"又一个不动听的酒嗝，"知道下一步我要干什么？"

”Extremely daring, is that right? Because I’m drunk. Hiccup.” And with another unpleasant hiccup, I added, “Know what to do next?”

　　美男抿唇不说话，也许在担心自己的贞操。 This charming man’s lips pursed, refusing to speak. Perhaps, worried about his chastity.  　　"你放心，我只是找你……倾诉。倾诉懂不懂？就是谈心。"我腿软，有些站不住了，四下张望了一下，搭着他肩膀一本正经说道，"昨天我做了个梦，知道我在我的梦里是干什么的吗？"

”You, feel at ease. I’m just looking (out) for you...frankly speaking. Just talk, understand? Just like a heart-to-heart-talk.” My legs felt weak and could no longer stand. Looking around, I hung onto his shoulder earnestly to say, “Yesterday, I had a dream and you know what I was doing in my dream?” 　　美男一点都不配合我，继续用诡异揣测的眼神看着我，看着他黑色眼瞳中的我，我有种自己是潘多拉星球人的感觉。

This beautiful man did not cooperate with me. He continued to watch me with strange, speculating eyes as I looked back at him with my black pupils. I bravely faced this celestial man who resembled Pandora himself.    　　地球人不配合，我只好自问自答。 This Earthling and I were really not compatible. I contemplated on how I could get an answer out of him.  　　"告诉你吧，梦里我是……女超人，为了人民的安居乐业，我打砸抢烧无恶不作，忽然有个晚上，我的老板托梦给我，说我今天会遇到克星，很厉害很厉害的克星。我会翘掉……"

"Tell you what. I dreamt...I was superwoman. In order for the people to live in peace and work happily, I faced vandalizing, robbing, burning, and any other imaginable misdeed. Suddenly, there was a night my boss asked me to dream for my benefit. He explained that today was the day that I will likely meet my nemesis. A very, very difficult nemesis. To that point where I will likely lose." 　　我抓着他的西装领子防止自己滑下去，朝他咯咯傻笑，颇为得意地欣赏他僵硬冷漠的俊脸，乐在其中。

I grabbed onto his shirt collar to prevent myself from sliding down. Facing him, I giggled, quite proud of the stiff indifference on his intelligent-looking face as I basked in this moment.  　　"你的梦很有趣。"作为我暂时的栏杆，美男这次倒是没有再掰开我的爪子，"希望你美梦成真。"

"Your dream is awfully amusing." Using him as a temporary railing, this beautiful man, contrary to what one might expect, did not pull off my claws. 　　我挤眉弄眼："借你吉言，我确实美梦成真了，偷偷告诉你，我的克星是个同性恋，喜欢男人……比如像你这样的……尤物。"

I winked: "By your words, this is indeed a dream come true. I'll tell you a secret. My nemesis is this gay person. He likes men...for example, you...stunner." 　　他面沉如水。 His face sunk like water.  　　我晃了晃身体，低着头不无忧伤地说："老娘彻底没戏了。"而后我抬起头来，哭丧着问他，"你快帮我看看，我是不是哭了？"

I shook my body, lowering my head in grief and spoke: "I, this old woman, does not lie." After that, I lifted my head, wailing and asked him, "Quickly, help me check whether or not I'm crying." 　　"你疯了。"他冷冷回答。

“You’re insane.” He answered coldly. 

Hurray for short chapters!!

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[ubiquitous-l]

1/117 - Meeting the Stunner (1/4)

Next Chapter ->

Index Raws: http://www.my285.com/XY/wdxj/index.htm

Chapter 1 Raws: http://www.my285.com/XY/wdxj/01.htm

[[World of Summie’s Translations]]

Visit World of Summie’s translation if mine doesn’t make sense. She has translated Ch.1-7 but hasn’t updated it since 2015 and we use different raws. I’m translating from the very beginning to know the Chinese characters for the names and get a better understanding of Chinese grammar. I do rely heavily on machine translators so who knows if this is correct. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong though.

[Unedited]

第一章 / 遇见尤物

Chapter 1 (of the book) / Meeting the Stunner

(Think of the first paragraph as a preview for what happens later on. I’m not sure why the raws had this as the first paragraph. Also, be prepared to read a ton of footnotes & commentary.)

       帅哥哭笑不得地拿着我的假发，做雕塑状，只是冷冷目视我，而他走之前，我还是语重心长地拍着他的肩膀说："小伙子，以后没事不要长那么美，出门不安全。"

This handsome guy dumbfoundedly [1] held my wig like a sculpture and simply gave me a cold look. Before he left, I sincerely patted his shoulder, explaining, “Young man, next time, do not look so attractive. It is dangerous to wander around [2].”

[1] 哭笑不得 - an idiom where the person is unsure whether to laugh/cry

[2] This phrase was taken from Novel Updates. 

+++

　　我现在心如死灰，只想找一堵墙结束我凄惨的人生，而对面穿得花枝招展的莉莉莎仍然沉浸在打击我的乐趣中，鲜艳的红唇滔滔不绝，几乎是享受地看着我失魂落魄。

Right now, my heart is in ashes [3]. I just want to look for a wall to end my miserable life, but sitting opposite of me is the gorgeously dressed Lilisha (莉莉莎) who was still attacking my happiness with her vivid, red lips talking endlessly, as if she enjoys watching my distraught self.

[3] Idiom meaning extreme despair.

　　她一定以为我失恋了，其实姑娘你不知道，我是快失业了。

She must have been under the impression that I was heartbroken. Actually, young lady, I'm about to be unemployed.

　　“玛丽，你好傻，你怎么会看上垅少？你不知道他每天晚上陪他那个的是各种各样的小男孩吗？”。

"Mary (玛丽), you're such an idiot, why did you fall for Long Jr.(垅少)? Didn’t you know he has lot of young boys accompanying him in that manner every night?"

　　“真，真的？”。

"Re-really?"

　　“这还有假？妈妈桑亲口跟我说的。听说‘暗’的背后老板就是邓垅。呵，这样也好，方便自己也方便别人，据说暗的主题‘天下同志是一家’就是邓垅提出来的。”

"How can I be wrong? Mama-san personally told me that info. I also heard that An's (暗) hidden boss is him, Deng Long (邓垅). Oh, this is so good. It's convenient for me and the others too. An's rule is 'Comrades are a part of the family', proposed by Deng Long (邓垅) himself."

　　暗是A市最具规模的同性恋酒吧，低调却不缺奢华，我听人说过，那圈子里卧虎藏龙，也不乏能翻江倒海的人物。

An (暗) is a large-scale homosexual nightclub in City A that keeps a low profile, but is not lacking in grandeur. I heard people say that their circle hides talented individuals [4]. That place is also a den for powerful people.

[4] Original expression was “hidden dragon, crouching tiger”

　　没想到我还真遇上一条黑龙，吃男不吃女的。

I just did not expect to meet a black dragon [5] that eats men, but not women.

[5] A successful & powerful person

　　我低头瞥了眼自己脖子下面那两个肉馒头，近乎绝望地认识到，现在报名变性手术已太晚，短时间内，我不可能由小女孩变成小男孩。

I lowered my head to glance at the two steamed buns below my neck. I was more distraught after realizing that my current self needed to undergo a sex change, but it was too late. I did not have enough time to change from a young girl into a young boy.

　　下半生再努力，我顶多能成为卖男孩的小女孩而已。

If I tried hard from now on, the most I could be is a young girl who sells young boys, nothing more.

　　我面对的是几乎不可能完成的任务。

It seems as if I was given an almost impossible assignment.

　　莉莉莎凑到我耳边，神秘兮兮的说，“邓垅讨厌女人是出了名的，据他自己形容，要是上了女人，就好像吃了好几千只苍蝇，想死的心也有呢。”

Lilisha (莉莉莎) saw this as an opportunity to move closer to my ear and mysteriously whispered, "Deng Long (邓垅) really hates women. Based on his description, eating a woman is the same as eating a thousand houseflies. His heart will also die and he'll cease to exist."

　　我被打击到极点，翘着二郎腿忍不住冷哼，“这么说，他的仇家只要派个女人强上他就能让他隔天自杀了？”。

I was met with a heavy blow. I crossed my legs, unable to stop myself from coldly snorting, "So what you really mean is that he hates the women that were sent by his enemies and if they were to spend the night together, he will commit suicide the next day?"

　　莉莉莎楞了楞，然后不怀好意地朝我笑了笑，姿态妖娆地点起了香烟，“条件允许的话，也可以考虑考虑轮奸嘛。”

Lilisha (莉莉莎) looked blankly at me, then wickedly smiled with an alluring posture while smoking, "Yes, if the conditions permitted. Then again, you can always consider gang r*ping him."

　　我郑重点了点头，适时奸笑一下表示赞许，暗示她我是跟她同一国的，得不到就要毁掉嘛，不能便宜了其他男人。

I seriously thought about that option, nodding every so often and showing a sinister smile to express my praise for her suggestion. She and I were the alike. If one cannot obtain something, one should destroy it rather than let a man take advantage of this golden opportunity.

　　当然我还在忧郁。

Of course, I was still dejected.

　　声色犬马的世界里，女人总是有撩人的唇，恶毒的牙，还有漂亮的斗篷遮挡一切，我丝毫不奇怪，我唯一奇怪的是，为什么“魅色”夜总会的老板，所有性感小姐的上司，邓垅，该死的会是个不喜欢女人的同性恋呢？

Clearly, the sensual pleasures of the world had an unwritten rule for women's existence to rely on her attractive lips and sinister teeth, but each must also possess a beautiful cloak to shelter those features. I don't find this rule the slightest bit strange. The only thing I do find strange is the reason why Mei Se's (魅色) nightclub owner aka. the sexy ladies' superior is that wretched boss, Deng Long. Damn it! How is it possible that this kind of owner is not fond of women, but instead fancy men?

　　我出离愤怒了。

I was really angry.

　　这么重要的情报，局里居然没有搞到或者百度到，而我堂堂一个方警官沦落为“玛丽小姐”近乎一个礼拜，毫无建树，根本找不到任何接近他的机会。

Such vital information, yet the office unexpectedly did not get a hold of it, nor did the search engine Baidu, and as a result, I, the dignified Police Officer Fang (方), was reduced to acting as Miss Mary (玛丽) for almost a week with barely any contribution because I couldn't find a way to get closer to him.  

　　只因为我不是那该死的“玛丽先生。”

Just because I'm not a damned Mr. Mary (玛丽).

　　我四十五度角仰望夜空，突然明白了，我方亮亮不是来当卧底的，我是来搞笑的。 　　 I looked at the night sky at a forty-five degree angle, and unexpectedly realized that I, Fang Liang Liang (方亮亮), am not here to hide as an undercover agent, but am here to be funny.

　　我的情绪低落到极点，但是还来不及撞墙结束荒唐的人生，妈妈桑就嗖得踢开门，短暂扫视后，锐利的视线落在我和莉莉莎身上，血红的唇张开了，一张一闭，像是一台无情的ATM吞钱机，“怎么？老娘请你们来聊天嗑瓜子的啊，还不给老娘出去干活！”

My mood took a nose dive, but it was too late to knock my head against a wall and end this absurd life. Mama-san (妈妈桑) had just kicked the door open, briefly sweeping her eyes over the room with her keen line of sight before locating Lilisha and I chatting. Her blood red lips opened and closed like a heartless ATM machine swallowing money, "Did this old woman ask you to come here to gossip and crack melon seeds? Ah, go back to work!"

　　河东狮吼一出，老油条莉莉莎慵懒站起来，水蛇腰一扭一扭，扭到了妈妈桑的旁边，娇滴滴笑，“妈妈桑，我可没偷懒，我那个熟客王总啦，超喜欢我嘴里那瓜子味呢，上次还问我磕的什么牌子呢，我说傻瓜瓜子啊，你猜他怎么说的”

Like a shrewish wife, old fox Lilisha languidly stood up. She twisted and swung her hips until she arrived at Mama-san's side and cutely smiled, "Mama-san, I was not goofing off, my one frequent visitor, Wang Zong (王总), is quite fond of the taste of my cracked melon seeds. Can you guess what that fool said about my melon seeds?"

莉莉莎勾嘴角笑得不正经，“他让我每次陪他之前先磕磕瓜子润润口气，滋补着呢。”

Lilisha struck out a corner of her mouth to form a frivolous smile, "Whenever he visits, he'll always let me crack melon seeds first to moisten my mouth. He says it's quite nourishing."

　　在场人的嘴角都抽搐了，妈妈桑踢着她的屁股，怒吼，“下回给老娘把牙刷干净了再出去。简直坏我魅色的招牌。”

Whoever was present in the room, had the corner of their mouths twitch. Mama-san kicked her butt and bellowed, "Next time, let this old woman handle a toothbrush to clean your mouth. Again, go out. Practically spoiling, my, Mei Se's, reputation for business."

　　莉莉莎笑得更得意。

Lilisha laughed, still proud of herself.

　　人在屋檐下不得不低头，我赔笑经过妈妈桑时，她严厉的视线依然狠狠撅住我，狮吼一触即发，我用脚趾头猜也知道，菜鸟永远是统治阶级菜盆中的鹌鹑，美味并且疏于抵抗。

People under this roof had no choice, but to bow their heads to Mama-san. I smiled apologetically as I passed by Mama-san. Her strict line of sight stayed firmly on me. The lioness could shriek at any moment. I prepared my toes for her attack. I knew too well that the rookie is always the quail, the target dish, in the ruling class because it's a delicacy that is lacking in resistance.

　　菜鸟确实没有抵抗的力量，但不意味着她没有猥琐的力量。

It is true that a rookie does not have resistance to power, but that doesn't mean that I was an insignificant force.

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