#and because of THAT one i’m behind schedule for march

[livvyofthelake]

haven’t been doing my required reading…. don’t worry about it of course but i’m literally so bad at this… i also haven’t been doing my required movie watching but that was at least expected so who cares

[apocalypse-shuffle]

BLACK NOIR | EARVING (the boys)

—

“Just a Trim” (Black Noir x Gn!Reader)

| In a spur of the moment move you offer to do Earving’s hair in order to spend more time with him. To your shock, he takes you up on the offer.

| SFW, Noir being briefly insecure about his disfigurement, hair care, good vibes, stand-alone fic.

| 1k+ words

Tomorrow was going to be a marked day. One of those dates that you held close to your heart and pulled out anytime you were even peripherally pressed about the event.

In passing Black Noir had mentioned his regularly scheduled grooming appointment. The hair that did still grow on his head would need a trim so he’d be offsite at a smaller Vought facility for a few hours.

You’d taken in his words, a mix between excitement that he felt it necessary to share his whereabouts at all warring with upset at how long he’d be gone (basically your whole workday) on the final day of the week you’d be able to see him until you were allowed back onto the upper floors in another four days.

It’s that heavy swirl of emotions that spurred your mouth into action and had, “I could trim it if you want,” falling past your lips unbidden.

He’d turned on deft feet at your words to stare you down from behind the mask, back ramrod straight and body still.

Finally, after maybe a minute of you waiting him out (the type of contemplative minute between you two that you cherished), Noir gave a slow nod of his head and pointed to two numbers on one of the recruitment posters on the wall next to you before marching off.

He’d indicated the numbers ‘two’ and ‘thirty’, and you’d never admit to anyone but him that you’d had a little bit of a bounce to your step after you’d registered what that meant.

So what if the thought of him allowing you into his hair had sent butterflies dashing through your bloodstream? It didn’t matter that he’d typically had what were no doubt unfeeling trims from Vought hired barbers either, because he had to know that you weren’t going to treat his hair with such clinical detachment.

You were going to be sharing some level of intimacy - he was going to let you be that intimate with him, period! - and you planned on treating this undoubtedly maskless milestone in your relationship with the appropriate amount of significance.

This was huge!

Holy hell you needed to gather your supplies.

─────

The top of his head is not devoid of similar scars as the ones that mar his face. A patch of gnarled scar tissue takes up a third of his scalp, scars running in their steep wiggling pattern and stopping any hair from growing.

The marks from the explosion still being so prominent even after all these years makes your heart squeeze painfully in your chest.

His interesting hair growth pattern is the first thing that drew you gaze when you’d entered. After your greeting he’d stared at you for a while, the note paper in his hand boldly proclaiming: ‘tell me if you want me to put it back on’, before he tossed the paper aside and ripped off his mask. For a moment all you’d been able to do was blink uncomprehendingly before realization dawned and you threw him a smile, or tried to since he’d kind of stopped looking at you entirely and has just been deathly still for the last minute or so.

After that you’ve forgotten yourself too much to not let your eyes wander, the white of his blind eye snagging your attention next and then the scars that crawled up the entirety of one side of his face and sprawled into his hair stole all of your remaining attention once more.

The scars are steep and plentiful and even the reports on his injury from back when he was originally caught by the explosive didn’t do even the sight of the scars left behind justice.

Finally, his expression registers and you cringe back and tear your gaze away from him entirely at the edges of the grimace you can see on his downturned face.

Way to go, you’ve gone and made the man uncomfortable.

“I’m ready when you are,” you say quickly, voice soft as you move further into his sparse personal space in the tower.

With a tentative two person shift and shuffle routine eventually you both end up settling down, you sitting towards the edge of the only lounge chair in his sitting room - bare feet planted flat on the unbelievably soft carpet - and Earving on the ground between your spread legs.

You don’t really talk much after that, preoccupied with getting his hair saturated with water so that it’s ready for you to detangle and stretch. The last thing you want to do is take length off of Earving’s hair that he didn’t want and skew his trust like that.

Up close his scarring is easier for you to map out as you brush your fingers over his wet curls with the finger of one hand, nothing but the edge of your pinkie on your other hand daring to press into his hairline in order to brace his head and keep it still.

Unthinkingly you stray from running over his curls to trace the border of the patch of skin between the scars on his head and the growth of his hair with your nail. The blunt point shifts fine hairs and barely applies any pressure as it goes but Earving shivers anyway.

The speed you snatch your hand back with jostles the both of you.

“Sorry!” Your voice comes out mostly squeak as you pull away even more, doing everything but straight up sailing across the room as your face heats up something fierce - though your cheeks show nothing for it - and your hands raise placatingly. “I’m so sorry. That’s on me. I wasn’t thinking—”

Your word vomit stops dead when Earving begins shaking his head and fully pivots his head up to look at you. From between your legs where he’s sitting down, stretched out legs crossed at the ankle in front of him and face on full display for you, he looks so damn unreal your words peter off like a dying engine.

Christ almighty if Earving didn’t look painful, but he was perfect all the same.

Watching the way he so readily faces you now with both his good and bad eye without obstruction and the tentative quirk of his lips, you shiver. So fucking perfect.

He shakes his head again, his functioning eye still meeting one of your similarly brown ones, and then leans forward to press a lingering kiss to the bend of your knee.

At no point does he stop holding your gaze.

A tiny noise falls from your lips and you watch, entranced, as a full lopsided smile takes over the bottom half of his face before he nuzzles into the brown skin on the inside of your thigh with another branding press of his lips.

“Earving,” you breathe, too close to choked up to regulate your voice anymore than that.

Your tone is incredibly transparent, but you can’t even be mad about it when he’s gazing up at you with such a sharp glimmer in his eye.

In response he wraps a tender hand around your ankle and taps lightly at your skin for you to continue before stretching his neck back until his damp hair is pressed to your stomach again.

Painfully aware of your closeness - and where his head is, good lord - you heed his request with far steadier fingers than before.

Y’all were good. He’s pretty clearly just shown you that, now you just had to let yourself believe it.

This time when you press against his head to shift him around as you work you’re not so tentative.

When you brush your free hand down his face to ease him into a better angle for you to pick out his hair he leans into your hold and strengthens it, his breath rushing over your fingers like a proclamation as you run the pad of your middle finger over the bow of his lip and the raised lines of his scars brand a claim into your palm.

When the teeth of the pick snag on a tight congregation of coils and you murmur a soft apology his thumb rubs circles into the ball of your foot and sends shivers up your dark skin.

When you’ve finally combed out his shrinkage and pulled out the well loved hair grade shears he responds to the shaky breath you take while lifting the blades to his head with a firm grip on your ankle and a strong squeeze to ground you.

The both of you move like this for the rest of the hour and by the end you’re trimming with steady hands and intermittently tipping Earving’s head up to blow away stray hair trimmings and press little kisses along his hairline just to draw out his telltale huff of laughter.

Sure, after this you’ll both go back to just being two people working in the same unfeeling company and Earving will go back to being Black Noir, one of the ever merciless gods that you were all little more than ants in the eyes of, but for now he pulls you up and you tug him down and y’all are able to come together like wayward nephilim to experience the finer things in life somewhere in the middle of all that hierarchical bullshit.

Just for an hour or two; trapped in your own little pocket of the world.

NOTES: Hope you enjoyed! Please mind any typos, I am but one lowly creature and my eyes can only catch so much.

I don’t know why this character is so amazing at being my impromptu spur of the moment muse, but he really is so good for it.

Also, lowkey I kind of feel like Noir would wear his mask all the time even if he’s wearing civilian clothes like Wade/Deadpool tends to do (and there might’ve been a Vought commercial of him wearing civilian clothing over his suit once so there’s also that option). I don’t know, the image just came to me.

btw: if you’d like to leave a comment I’d very much appreciate it!

[lvnleah]

011. | Beach days

word count: 1.6k

find the masterlist here!

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March 9th 2024 | 36 + 2 days pregnant.

“Jesus Christ, how much stuff did you pack!” Leah playfully groaned as she rolled your suitcase in, Keira following closely behind her.

You shrugged and laughed as you poured yourself a glass of water, “Just enough to last me while we’re here!”

Leah shook her head, Keira laughing behind her, “Babe, we’re here two days, not two weeks!”

“Oh c’mon, Le!” Keira said to her best friend, “Y/N’s never been a light packer and now she’s pregnant she’s obviously going to need more stuff!”

“Keira‘s right, babe.” You smiled, “I do need more stuff now I’m pregnant because you know I can’t decide anything!”

“These are going to be two days of hell with you two ganging up on me,” Leah muttered under her breath.

Leah had the rare weekend off as she didn’t have a game so you and her decided to fly out to Spain to watch Keira play. She was playing away against Sociedad and you’d booked a little beach house for a few days so you could all spend time together.

Leah rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide the small smile tugging at her lips. Despite her complaints, you knew she was happy to be here as it would probably be the last time in a while you’d get to go away together before your baby boy arrived.

The beach house was perfect, nestled just a stone’s throw away from the ocean. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore could be heard from the kitchen.

“Alright, let's get settled in before we head out to explore,” Leah suggested, eyeing the towering stack of luggage. “I’ll take the big one to the bedroom.”

“I’ll help!” Keira chirped, grabbing a smaller bag and following Leah down the narrow hallway.

It wasn’t often you all got to be together like this, with Leah and Keira’s demanding schedule it was hard to arrange trips together like you used to. This trip was a rare gem, and you were determined to make the most of it.

A few minutes later, Leah and Keira returned, slightly flushed from the exertion. “Okay, rooms are sorted. Who’s up for a walk on the beach?” Leah asked, already slipping off her shoes.

You grinned, “I’m in! Let me just grab my things and we can go.”

Suddenly, a sharp tightening sensation gripped your abdomen. You winced, placing a hand on your belly as your other one gripped the counter.

"Y/N, you okay?" Leah asked, noticing the change in your expression.

You took a deep breath, trying to relax. "I think it's just Braxton Hicks," you said, trying to sound reassuring but feeling the discomfort all the same.

It soon passed and you were able to carry on. You’d been having practice contractions for the past couple of weeks, they felt like mild period cramps but your midwife reassured you it was normal.

As the three of you strolled down to the beach, the sand warmed beneath your feet. Leah and Keira were chatting about their upcoming matches. You knew these two days would pass in a blink, but for now, you were perfectly happy right where you were.

The beach was almost deserted, with a few scattered tourists soaking up the late afternoon sun. You found three spare sun beds and laid out a blanket, sitting down with a sigh of relief.

“Would you be alright if I went in the sea with Kei?” Leah asked, her voice soft.

You nodded. “I’m good, Le. I'm a little tired, so I’ll just read my book.”

She kissed the top of your head. “Sounds good, shout for me if you need me okay?”

“I will,” you agreed, watching Keira as she waved for Leah to join her. “Go be big kids like you both are!”

Not even thirty minutes later, you find yourself being smothered by a dripping wet Leah. “Leah!” You screeched, “Jesus Christ!”

Leah laughed, her wet hair clinging to her face. “Just wanted to cool you off a bit,” she teased, giving you a cheeky grin.

You playfully swatted at her, trying to shield yourself from the cold droplets. “Well, mission accomplished! Now get off me before you soak everything!”

Keira joined in the laughter, drenching water from her hair as she approached. “You know she won’t stop until you’re completely drenched, right?”

“I’m starting to realise that,” you said, struggling to keep a straight face as Leah continued to hover over you.

“Alright, alright, I’ll behave,” Leah conceded, stepping back but not before planting a quick kiss on your cheek. “But only because I love you.”

“You better!” you replied, still grinning. “Now, go dry off and let me enjoy my book in peace.”

“Sure you don’t want to come in?” Leah asked you.

You shook your head, patting your belly. "I'm good here, thanks. I'll stick to the sand for now."

Leah kissed your forehead and smiled, running back to the water as she raced Keira. You settled back into your sunbed, opening your book and trying to distract yourself in the story. However, the discomfort in your lower back kept pulling you out of it. Shifting positions didn't seem to help, and after a while, you gave up on reading.

You watched Leah and Keira splashing around in the water, their laughter carrying over the waves. It was heartwarming to see them so carefree, but you couldn't ignore the growing ache in your body. Being this far along in your pregnancy, every little thing seemed to take more effort and cause more discomfort.

Finally, you let out a frustrated sigh and sat up, rubbing your belly. The thought of another few weeks feeling like this was almost unbearable. Tears welled up in your eyes, and you quickly wiped them away, not wanting to ruin the moment for Leah and Keira.

But Leah had already noticed. She jogged out of the water, concern etched on her face. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, kneeling beside you.

"I'm just... I'm so tired of being pregnant, Leah," you admitted, your voice cracking. "I feel huge, uncomfortable, and everything hurts. I just want our baby to be here already."

Leah pulled you into a gentle hug. "I know, babe," she whispered. "It's almost over. You've been so strong, and you're doing an amazing job."

Keira, sensing the shift in mood, joined you both. "Hey, it's okay," she said softly. "It's hard, but you're almost there. And you're going to be an incredible mum."

You sniffled, leaning into Leah's embrace. "I just feel so... helpless sometimes. Like I can't do anything without getting exhausted."

Leah kissed your temple. "You're not helpless. You're growing a whole new life inside you.”

“How about we head back to the house and make some dinner?” Keira suggested, “A good meal and some rest might help."

You nodded and Leah helped you to your feet, and the three of you made your way back up the beach. As you walked, Leah kept an arm around you, steadying you with every step. Once back at the house, Leah ordered a pizza whilst you settled on the sofa and Keira cut you some fruit up.

“Here,” Keira said, handing you a plate of fruit, “Le’s just ordering a pizza.”

You accepted the plate with a grateful smile. "Thanks, Kei. This looks great."

Leah came back into the room, holding her phone. "Pizza's on its way. Should be here in about twenty minutes."

You nodded and leaned back into the cushions, trying to make yourself comfortable. "Perfect.”

Leah sat down beside you and Keira laid down on the long bit of the l-shaped sofa. The pair bickered over choosing which movie to watch before finally settling on Notting Hill.

When the doorbell rang, Leah jumped up to answer it. The smell of pizza filled the house as she returned with a couple of boxes. She set them down on the coffee table and began to dish out slices for everyone.

As you took a bite, the comfort of the warm pizza was a distraction from your earlier discomfort. The three of you chatted and laughed, enjoying each other’s company. Leah and Keira’s laughter made you forget about the aches for a while.

After dinner, you all settled in for another movie, with Leah curling up beside you and Keira picking out pitch perfect this time. You felt a bit better just being with the people you loved, sharing a quiet evening.

Leah noticed you yawning, “Want to head to bed soon, babe?”

You nodded, feeling a little embarrassed about how exhausted you were. “Yeah, I think I’ll go to bed early tonight.”

As the movie came to an end, Leah helped you up from the couch and guided you to the bedroom. She made sure you were comfortable before heading to have a shower.

When Leah came out of the shower, her hair damp and her face freshly washed, she found you struggling to pull your hair up into a ponytail. Your movements were slow and your face reflected the frustration of the day's discomforts.

"Hey, let me help," Leah offered, moving behind you and taking the hair tie from your fingers. Her touch was gentle as she gathered your hair, smoothing it back with ease. "There we go, all set."

You sighed in relief, "Thanks, Le. My arms are just aching so much! I don’t know what I’d do with you.”

She kissed the top of your head, her lips lingering for a moment. "You'd do just fine.”

You slipped into bed, pulling the covers up and settling into the soft pillows. Leah joined you a moment later, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close.

"You okay?" Leah asked softly, pressing a kiss to your bare shoulder.

"Yeah," you murmured, closing your eyes. "Just tired and ready for Finley to be here."

Leah rubbed soft circles on your hips. "Soon, babe. Really soon.”

[l0velysmut]

Can you please write Neteyam with readers as Enemies to Lovers? with smut and he says he's loved readers for a long time.Please I really love your writing.

neteyam x fem!omaticaya!reader

contains: enemies to lovers (but ur not really enemies), stalker neteyam, kinda manipulative neteyam if u squint???, love confession, virginity loss, tsaheylu, p in v, creampie, poorly written !!!

wc: 2.8k unedited

na’vi words: skxawng = moron/idiot.

a/n: sorry if this isn’t what you expected!

Ever since the first time Neteyam laid eyes on you, he had been head over heels in love with you. But he didn’t like that he felt that way about you, so what better way to cover it up then by hating you more than anyone else in the clan?

You were so confused when you were the only person he would target and make fun of. To the public eye, he was nice, athletic, a charmer, and overall the golden boy of the clan. And not only was he the future Olo’eyktan, but he was also the son of Toruk Makto, which in your opinion, made it even worse and even more embarrassing whenever he would bully you. So, you’ve stood up for yourself the best you could.

But the truth was, he never enjoyed bullying you. He never enjoyed calling you degrading names like stupid or meaningless. In fact, he called himself stupid on the regular for starting a hateful pattern towards you and having no choice but to stick with it.

Every day he saw you, he wanted nothing more then to tell you how he truly felt, but he couldn’t just stop being mean to you out of the blue. You’d think something was up and that he was pranking you, so he just kept doing what he’d been doing since you were children.

He watched you from afar, doing your daily chores and sticking to the routine you had forged to keep yourself busy. Neteyam kept note and even followed you from a distance just to see where you were going, and he even kept track of who you talked to.

He had memorized your schedule, so if anyone just so happened to ask him where you were, all he had to do was figure out the time and then he’d know.

But today, you were doing something different. You were going somewhere he was unfamiliar of.

So, with a quick glance around to make sure no one was paying attention to him. He discarded what he was doing, and followed you discreetly, being far away enough for you to not realize he was there. He ran up a tree and jumped from vine to vine and tree to tree, following you from above and watching like an ikran hunting its meal.

And soon enough, you came to a stop, but Neteyam’s brows furrowed when he saw the stature of another man. He hears you laugh, and you take hold of another man’s hands. He watched through the green vines, glaring at the man he knew very well from training.

His name was Eaopu, and from what Neteyam could see from training, he had nothing to offer you. He was lazy, and couldn’t tell his left from right. Neteyam was in disbelief that you went out of your way to see this man, deep in the middle of the forest. Neteyam could feel his chest tighten as his mind raced with numerous thoughts of just marching over there and bashing Eaopu’s head in then making you his, but obviously he couldn’t let his emotions get the best of him because, afterall, you two were enemies and he couldn’t let you find out that he was basically stalking you and had been for years.

Neteyam watched as Eaopu pushed your dark, unbraided hair behind your ear, leaning in to whisper what he could only imagine was something dirty by the lustful look on his disgusting face.

“Eaopu,” Neteyam hears you say in an almost angry tone. “You know I don’t do that stuff. I’m waiting until marriage.”

“Oh, c’mon. We both know you won’t be mated any time soon,” Eaopu replied, grasping your forearm. “Why not just get it out of the way?”

Neteyams nostrils flare and his eyes darken as he listens to the conversation.

“Because! I want it to be special.” You tell him, pushing his chest to back him away from you, but he doesn’t budge. And Neteyam then knows what Eaopu’s intentions were with you. Leading you out into the deep forest to try to convince you to have sex with him, knowing how adamant you were on not having sex until marriage. Neteyam knew Eaopu was strong, so there’d be no way for you to get away if Eaopu tried what Neteyam feared.

“So then why’d you even meet me here? Huh?! Was this your plan this whole time? Get me all excited and leave me with blue balls?” Eaopu yelled, his voice echoing throughout the empty part of the forest you two were in.

You stare at Eaopu in disbelief as he backs you up against a tree. Neteyam then knew he had to step in.

The future Olo’eyktan jumped down from the tree and marched over to the scene, pushing back Eaopu’s shoulder, causing him to flinch.

“N-Neteyam!” Eaopu’s eyes widened, and he was taken aback by Neteyam’s sudden appearance. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

“Oh, really?” Neteyam knew he didn’t have to say much in order for Eaopu to surrender in fear and walk away. When he had done so, Neteyam turned to you, back against the rough bark of a tree.

“You okay?” He asked you, observing your body language.

“I don’t need your protection.” You say, crossing your arms and rolling your eyes. You were grateful, but you still quote on quote “hated” him so you had to keep that going.

“Hey, I just saved your ass from whatever he was about to do to you!” Neteyam shouted, arm pointed to where Eaopu had left.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t need you to save me! I can save myself.” You argue, and he chuckles.

“This is unbelievable.” He shakes his head, placing his hands on his hips. “I follow you out here, and save you from him, and you start-“

“You followed me out here?!” You cut him off and he freezes, lips parted. He tried to think of things he could say to get out of this.

“N-No, no. I didn’t follow you out here. Please.” He scoffed. “Why would I want to follow you, of all people? That’s ridiculous.” He defended himself, and you raised your hairless brows.

“Oh, yeah? So then how’d you get to save me just in time?” You ask, arms still crossed as you take a step towards him.

“I was hunting!” He defended once again, arms outstretched for a moment before falling to his side.

“Really? Where’s your bow and arrow?” You question.

He knew you had him, and he sighed in defeat, ears folded against his braids. “Okay, okay, fine. Yes, I followed you. But don’t let it get to your head, you skxawng. I just wanted to make sure you were safe.” He admitted, his eyes not missing the way your lips quirked up slightly.

You stay silent, feeling your cheeks burn up. Your heart thumped against your chest like a rock being tossed against your skin from the inside, and you looked away.

“Thanks. I guess.” You say in a soft tone, glancing at him when he steps forward.

“You're welcome.” He replies, and both of you are silent for a few moments before he breaks it.

“Listen, I…” He starts, but doesn’t know how. “I don’t want to hate each other anymore.”

His words make you stare at him, brows furrowed. “Hey, you’re the one that started it. What did I ever do to you, anyway? Y’know, since we’re here all alone, you might as well tell me. None of your friends are around to influence you, so please. Enlighten me.”

He opens his mouth then closes it, and he sighs again. “You never did anything to me, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“You never did anything to me. I suppose I started picking on you because..” He breathes in deeply before admitting his feelings to you. “I really liked you, and I didn’t know how to go about it because I was young, and dumb. But over the years, I just started liking you more and now I think I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do because I was a bully and I made you hate me and I don’t think we could be anything more the enemies and it hurts my soul every time we go at each others necks because it’s not what I want! I just want…” He runs his fingers around his mouth. “I just want you.”

Your eyes are wide as you listen to his rambling, and you swallow to relieve your dry throat. He just opened his heart to you, revealing that all this time when he made fun of you and humiliated you, he actually was just in love with you.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know why I dropped this on you. I should go.” He says when you just stand there and stare at him, but as he’s about to walk away, you grab his wrist and smash your mouth against his.

He melts into the kiss, his heart melting along with it. He brings his hand up to cup your cheek and his other hand to hold your waist. This is what he’s wanted for years. He’s wanted so badly to feel your lips against his; he’s spent years just imagining it.

When you pull away, your faces stay close and you can feel his warm panting against your lips. He pressed his forehead to yours and you whispered, “I want you, too.”

His eyes close briefly with a smile stretching across his lips, and he kisses you again.

“Then be mine. Forever.” He whispers against your plump lips, and you pull away slightly. When he sees your reaction, he’s quick to drop to his knees and lean his forehead on your lower stomach, hugging your thighs. “Please, Y/N. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this; how long I’ve wanted you. Do you know how many women I’ve turned down all because I was stuck on you?” He looks up at you, amber eyes filled with an emotion you’ve never seen on Neteyam.

His eyes were glossy and he looked up at you with pure desperation. He would never force you to do something you didn’t want to, but if you truly wanted him, then you two would come to an agreement.

“Neteyam, this is so sudden… and besides, you’ve said it yourself, no one would ever want to mate with me-“ He cuts you off and stands up, cupping your cheeks.

“No, no, no, no, I was lying, I was just saying that, I’m sorry.. I never meant anything I’ve ever said about you.” He tried to reassure you, and you stared at him, not quite knowing what to do.

“You want me, too, right?” He asked, and you nodded, putting your hands on his shoulders.

He takes your hands in his and gently brings you both to the ground on your knees in front of each other. He decided to sit and have a long talk with you about everything, and you both opened your hearts to each other. Tears spilled, and laughter filled the part of the forest you two were in, but eventually you came to an agreement.

That’s how you ended up underneath him, his bare body grinding against yours. You two had finally connected after years of covered up desire, and now you were one for all of eternity.

Neteyam couldn’t describe the feeling of being mated with you in words, he could only feel how amazing and euphoric it felt for your souls to be intertwined.

You two breathed heavily, gasping and panting between kisses as Neteyam pushed into you, his cock pulsing in his hand as he breached you for the first time. You hissed at the pain of being stretched out this much for the first time, and he could feel it through the bond. He could feel your pain, but also your burning desire to get past it the best you could.

“Are you alright?” He asked in a voice you’d never thought you’d hear him talk in. He has bottomed out inside of you, and remained very still while hovering over you, his arms holding himself up at either side of your head, caging you.

He tried so hard to not pull back and pound into you like his gut was telling him to, but he wanted to listen to his heart and his mind, and he wanted to wait until you were ready.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. Ju-Just go slow.” You tell him, wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulled out about an inch and then pushed in. This feeling was so new for the both of you. The way your pussy enveloped around his cock tightly made his head dizzy, and the way his cock penetrated you and hit spots inside of you that you didn’t think could be reached made your brain feel all gooey.

He kissed your jaw, and pulled out more, then back in, searching for any sign of discomfort through the bond. He fortunately found nothing within the shared connection, and slid in and out of you faster.

You place a hand down at his abs, trying to tell him to go slower because you weren’t quite ready, and he groaned before slowing down. He wanted to pound you like an animal, but he wanted you to feel good, too. He didn’t want to hurt you, not anymore. He wanted to protect you forever, and he didn’t want anyone to walk all over you anymore. Now, he would protect you like a mate should.

“Oh, great mother.” You whine, throwing your head back and clenching around him even tighter then before. He didn’t even know it was possible for him to be inside something so wet and tight.

“Fuck, you’re so tight. Can’t believe I’ve been missing out on you for so long, I should’ve told you I loved you a long time ago.” He said softly in your ear and his hips rocked back and forth. “I regret everything from before- fuck… I regret not taking you as mine since the moment I realized I was in love with you.”

You couldn’t speak, you felt like everytime his bulbous tip hit that spongy part inside of you that felt particularly good, the air left your lungs. You struggled to form a coherent thought as his cock fucked you dumb. You never knew your enemy's cock could feel this good; though, you’re not enemies anymore.

Neteyam supported his weight on one arm while the other reached down to play with the small nub he's thought so many times about sucking and rubbing. He rubbed tight circles on your clit, making your back arch into him, your chest pressing against his.

“You’re so pretty,” He whispered, kissing your cheek and then pecking your lips. “So beautiful.”

You wanted to thank him, but you knew he could hear it in his mind.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum already.” He murmured, whining loudly when his cock twitched. He felt a burning sensation throughout him, and you grind your hips back against his, helping him reach his orgasm as well as reaching your own high.

“M-Me, too, I think.” You say, panting and moaning. He rubbed your clit faster, and you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist, pulling his cock further inside of you.

You both cum at the same time, your orgasms sending tingles throughout both of your bodies that twitched and spasmed against each other. Neteyam’s hips continued to grind as he spilled inside of you, and you could feel his cum sloshing around inside of you. You closed your eyes at the feeling, and your hips jerked at the stimulation.

“That was…” Neteyam started talking to praise you, but he couldn’t wrap his head around how good it felt. He never thought he would actually be able to get you to be his, he always just thought he fucked up his oppurtunity to be with you, but now that he had you, he was never going to let you go for as long as you two lived.

He was going to worship you and never say anything mean to you ever again until his dying days.

He nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck and remained inside of you. You hug him tightly, inhaling his scent. Then, he rolled over to lay next to you, pulling out of you slowly with a pop! sound.

He grabbed your waist and pulled you close, your nude bodies pressed against each other as your limbs tangled before finally sleeping. He knew his father would be looking for him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything else or any other responsibilities. He only cared about you now.

[filmbyjy]

TWITTER SUCKS! (COMPLETED)

PAIRING > lee heeseung x fem!reader

synopsis > who knew you could become famous overnight for paying $8 for a single blue checkmark? however, it does come with consequences…what happens when the actual BELIFT Lab comes knocking at your door. all because you simply impersonated your bias.

GENRE > twitter update au? idol! heeseung & enhypen. engene!reader

FEATURING > mae & subin (ocs) and of course the rest of enhypen :) more idols will be added if chapter requires!

SCHEDULE > inconsistent schedules bc I just post whenever I want to🙃

TAGLIST > just drop an ask or fill out this form to be added!

START: 20 March 2023 | END: 18th June 2023

profiles: ENBEANs | EN-KINDERGARTEN ❌❌

prologue: tf elon musk

one: gen old people

two: out of besth

three: HE LIKES YOU

four: please don’t embarrass yourself

five: he anti-romantic

— idk why the read more disappeared on me😒 —

six: she’s gonna fly

seven: BL MOMENT??

eight: take you out to a nice place

nine: your fruitiness is showing

↳ special: enhypen disbands

ten: well I be damned

eleven: father to future kids added

twelve: what is air?

↳ special: private rants thread 📌

thirteen: mhm, he’s broken

fourteen: fvck you 🫶🏻

fifteen: the punishment

sixteen: let me sniff [written]

seventeen: us when-

eighteen: smelled it and her eyes rolled back

nineteen: can YOU guess?

twenty: i THINK I like her

twenty-one: heerizz (very effective)

twenty-two: thanks 👍🏻

twenty-three: I hate feelings

twenty-four: is that ENHYPEN? [written]

twenty-five: y/n had a boyfriend

twenty-six: clean the dishes, you furry ass

twenty-seven: unforgiven, she’s a villain

twenty-eight: kiss the girl [written]

↳ special: enhypen behind the scenes

twenty-nine: i’m gonna resign

thirty: now the squad has boyfriends~

thirty-one: breaking my silence

↳ special: is the duck drunk?

thirty-two: ENGENEs flame her!!!

thirty-three: jieun’s downfall

thirty-four: mamma mia pisa is back

thirty-five: my other half [written]

end

got a question for our cast?

TWITTER SUCKS! : ask

[itstheghostofmypast]

Thanatophobia

Idol Choi Jongho x (F)Reader

Summary: How long does it take one to actually give up on you? How long does it take the other to realise that love is more than just an act of receiving, where bottled-up fears and insecurities may be enough to pull someone away from you, especially the someone Jongho had begun to take for granted.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2.4k

Est. Read Time: 20 min

Warnings: Strong language, thanatophobia (fear of losing someone you love)

Rating: PG-13

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels

Choi Jongho was anything but heartless, he was arrogant at times, he was stubborn most of the time, he was emotionally clueless sometimes, he was sarcastic most of the time, he was petty at times and he was straightforward most of the time, but what he was not, and he quotes, was a ‘heartless moron’. Now, he wasn’t one to fight, in fact, they’d barely ever get into a fight, usually because she would be compromising or choosing to accept defeat, but tonight was not one of those nights where he was given this privilege, where she would easily accept defeat and brush off his sarcasm, no, it just escalated into something ugly and gruesome.

It all started when he came home early for once, the dorm was empty too, or so he thought, for the moment he had flopped down on his bed, face forward, someone had jumped on him, scaring the daylights out of him.

“Boo!” “HOLY SHHHH- what are you doing here?” he whined, rolling over when she rolled off him, both of them lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling, well, he had his eyes closed, she turned her head to look at him with a pout, scooting closer, wrapping her arms around his arm as she pressed her cheek smush against his shoulder, enjoying the warmth of her baby bear, “I had the spare key, Wooyoung gave it to me last time I came over but you were out, so he was like I should have it, gave me his saying he’d get another one and-” Cracking open an eye he scoffed, “You sure talk a lot to Wooyoung huh?” turning his head to meet her gaze, she had stopped her monologue, to stare at him in utter shock, “What? I’m not wrong, I didn’t even know about the key thing- Sitting up she glared at him, “That’s because you weren’t home, Jong.” The tension between them was getting thicker, he was tired physically, but she was tired mentally, “You haven’t been responding to my texts or answering my calls, so I doubt you’d know- “I have a job, you know?” he scoffed, following suit, as she sat on his bed on her knees, frowning at him, and he sat at the edge of the bed, both in a heated stare off, he was actually waiting for her to avert her gaze, or mumble an apology or whine cutely to end the fight, so he’d feel like he’d won like he had control, some form of dominance, “I can’t just respond to your every whim.” That was probably what set it off, because the next thing he knew she got off the bed and snatched her phone off the side table, slamming the bedroom door shut when she marched out of the room, her tantrum just set the whole forest on fire as he marched behind her, slamming the closed door open and calling out, “Yah? Are you in your senses? Why are you being like this!?” reaching out to grip her wrist he turned her around, ignoring how she was trying to pull away, “What is your problem? Are you mad about the Wooyoung thing? Cause I’m right about that! You’re my girlfriend, not his!” by now he was yelling, furious, frustrated, fed up, but at what? At his hectic schedule or her? Or perhaps he was upset over how he was unable to spend time with her and the time he had been given was ruined by his own pride. “Y-You think I don’t know that?” she yelled back, snatching her wrist out of his grip, “I know you’re busy too, but the least you can do is leave me on read, can’t you? You don’t even open my texts! I can’t magically guess your schedule!” He should have stopped there, he should have, he had realised that he was in the wrong, but was he willing to accept it so easily? No. Why? Because he was jealous, he was upset and more importantly this was the first time she had ever ignored him, ever chosen to show how his nonchalant attitude had upset her, this was not what he expected, he just thought they’d go on for ten minutes and she’d probably change the topic, not list down why he’s a bad boyfriend. “Doesn’t mean you get all cosy with Wooyoung.” “I-” she stared at him standing in the hallway for a good minute before taking off her ring and throwing it at him, the clink of the gold ring hitting the ground resonated within the silence, before her words cut through it, “You’re a heartless moron.”

That was three hours ago, three hours ago when he had let her walk away like she didn’t even matter to him, instead, he stood there watching the ring on the tiles, the ring she had gotten for them on their first anniversary, it wasn’t a promise ring, but more of a ‘just know when we’re far apart across the world, you’ll always have a piece of me and I’ll have a piece of you’ kind of ring- why’d she throw it at him, shouldn’t she have taken it with her and asked him to give the one he was wearing back to her?

“I love how that’s the only thing you’re worried about.” Wooyoung sighed, climbing up the stairs, his phone sandwiched between his ear and his shoulder as he carried two bags full of groceries up the quiet staircase, “You’re a real idiot you know, she did come over three times last week, the poor thing sat outside the apartment for an hour the third time and that’s when I gave her my key…Hongjoong told me that was the right thing to do too.”

“I- I was busy.” The youngest huffed, staring at the gold band, twirling it around in his fingers, “It’s not like she told me, I was too busy to read her texts, so she should’ve understood-”

“Understood what? That you’re a shitty boyfriend?” Wooyoung stopped at a step, the step that led to their floor, someone was sitting on the floor next to the door to the hallway (Yes Woooyoung had used the fire exit to come upstairs, San had told him this was a great way to work out- he’d kill the bastard for that tomorrow), hugging their knees, head resting against the wall, puffy eyes closed- was she asleep?

“What? Why!?”

“Jongho, did you even call to make sure she reached home safe?”

“Well… I…no.”

“I’m amazed you found someone who loves your useless a**.” With that Wooyoung hung up, sighing as he walked over to her, placing the grocery bags on the floor to crouch down and gently shake her shoulder, “Excuse me miss, but are you in your senses- how are both of you this dumb?”

.

Jongho slammed the front door open, not even bothering to put on his mask as he hastily made his way out of the apartment, only to bump into a smaller form, hearing a familiar yelp he instinctively reached for her, wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, pressing her against him. He let out a breath of relief, at the realisation that it was in fact her, she was too tired to pull away or even push him away, and that was why she just stood there, letting him wrap his arms around her, resting her forehead against his chest, too drained even to protest. He looked behind her to spot Wooyoung standing there, grocery bags in hand with the most disapproving look he could muster, “Found her on the staircase, poor thing cried herself to sleep there- then there’s you, a bastard with an ego as big as the sun-”

“H-her phone was powered off.” He quickly defended himself, pulling her even closer as he tightened his arms around her, not wanting her to escape. The moment Wooyoung hung up on him, he realised how bad he had f*cked up, Wooyoung was never one to leave a conversation hanging, that is until he completely gave up on the person, and if Wooyoung had given up on him, did this mean his patient, compassionate, honeybee had done the same? Though his question was answered with a loud sniff, causing him to look away from Wooyoung and look down at her, only to meet her teary gaze, his gut twisted at the way she asked the dreaded question with her voice trembling, as if it was being thrown around by her pestering insecurities, insecurities that he had brought to life, that he had helped manifest within her, by constantly pushing her to the sidelines, by ignoring her beckoning calls, by looking right through her even though she stood right in front of him, with a warm smile and a heart of gold- one he was not worthy to call his own; “D-do you not love me, anymore?”

It was this very question that had him look up at Wooyoung in panic, a cry for help, though the fox-like man shrugged and walked past them, mumbling, loud enough for him to hear, because he knew the girl crying in the younger man’s arms was sobbing so loud, the floodgates of all that pain and anxiety that was slowly drowning her had now enveloped her completely, leaving her a mess, a mess he was supposed to fix, so she couldn’t hear him, she didn’t hear him, when he side-eyed the youngest, and walked past them, “You f*cked up, fix it yourself,” slamming the main door shut behind him, finally leaving the two alone in the corridor.

An eternity later the two were sitting on the same staircase where Wooyoung had found her, the two were staring at the window ahead, she thought she was tired before, but all that crying just amazed her, at this point, she felt like she’d faint if he pushed any wrong buttons. Though they had been sitting quietly for the past hour, he had not uttered a word, which meant he wasn’t going to be the first to break the tormenting silence, as usual, it would be her, to kneel and-

“I’m sorry.”

Her eyes widened at the foreign choice of words, slowly turned her head to stare at him with shock through her puffy, swollen, eyes, licking her dry lips before speaking. Still, he cut her off again, this time turning to face her, the determination in his eyes somewhat scaring her, she’d only ever seen that look when he was going to sing a song that wasn’t the easiest when it came to the number of high notes, perhaps he was going to sing a perfect melody that was just for them, in tune with their pent up love for each other- for his locked up love for her, a symphony she wouldn’t mind hearing over and over again.

“I- I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but you need to understand I did not doubt your loyalties or misjudge your character, I was only self-projecting my insecurities, I know you’d never do such a thing, I know you love me and I- I” he paused, watching how her breath hitched, eyes widening in expectation, biting her lower lip unsure of how he felt about her, “I love you so much it turns me stupid- it scares me how much I want to be around you, I- I want to be vulnerable around you and…what if you don’t like it? You don’t like me when I’m not my at my strongest or my best…and I- I guess what I’m trying to say is,” he reached in his pocket to pluck out the ring, showing it to her, “Could you please find it in you…to give me another chance- you don’t have to say yes right away, I won’t force you, I could never…just…let me drop you home this time…yeah?”

She stared at him quietly, blinking slowly as his words processed before letting out a sigh, scooting closer as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his neck as she placed a soft kiss against his warm skin, sighing when she felt him pull her closer, gripping him tighter when she heard him sniff, feel his body trembling against hers, letting him finally let it all out against her, but never looking up, her face buried in the crook of his neck, mumbling sweet positive affirmations or kissing the skin as she let him have his moment, only to feel him slowly push her away, looking down at her with puffy eyes that matched hers, and a nose pinker than hers, “Please…stay.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere, you dummy.” Sighing she pulled off him, taking the ring from him but he didn’t let her, instead, he slipped it back on her finger, “I was waiting for you to come and give this to me…if I wanted to leave you for good, I would’ve told you to give me the ring you’re wearing back.”

Letting out a dry chuckle he shook his head, he was an idiot, one who couldn’t read situations as well as he boasted that he could- he guessed he was clueless when it came to love, at least he had someone as patient as her to help him pull through his minefield, frolicking through it like it was a field of daisies.

“Thank you…” he sighed and pressed his forehead against hers, before leaning closer to capture her lips in a kiss, only to realise how long it had been since he had kissed her, making him pull her closer, cupping her face as he tried to make up for lost time.

Finally pulling back she smiled at him out of breath, watching how he took in equally deep breaths, his cheeks all puffed out and pink, “I’m out of practice.”

“Don’t worry, we’ve got all night.” She smiled.

“I prefer taking things to the bedroom, not a voyeurism guy.”

“Choi Jongho.”

“I love you” he chuckled, watching her shake her head in defeat as he pulled her up to her feet, laughing when she whined at how he was speed walking to the apartment, mumbling, “Do you want me to carry you? Because I will, for as long as you want, honeybee.” And that’s what Wooyoung saw before Jongho closed his bedroom door, carrying her half-asleep form in his arms, bridal style as he mouthed a thank you to Wooyoung before going to finally cuddle up next to her like she had originally planned for the night.

Taglist: @edenesth @yessa-vie @mlysalt @the-kpop-simp @spooo00oky

[melanchol1cs]

NO LONGER MINE TO HOLD.

leon kennedy x reader

word count: 1.1k summary: can a heart still break once it's stopped beating? masterlist | taglist | wips

no major warnings. mentions of death, greif, depression, not too explicit but descriptions of what it feels like to be in a coffin, kind of angsty(?)

a/n: i’m gonna cry i’m actually running out of lace dividers so don’t mind me reusing the old ones i’ve made </3 ANYWAY so sorry i forgot to post this, had alot going on this week but my schedule has pretty much cleared up

the engagement ring still sparkles on your finger, catching faint light that filters through the cracks, like stray beams breaking through the slats of a coffin. it shouldn’t. you shouldn’t see light anymore, not from this angle, not buried in this strange in-between.

it’s strange how death works—how the weight of the ring lingers, heavy and familiar, while everything else has faded. you can’t feel the warmth of leon’s hand, only the echo of it, as though it’s reaching for you through layers of earth, clawing at the emptiness where you used to be.

you thought death would be… cleaner. lights out, cue the credits, fade to black. you thought death meant silence—the cool weight of the dirt pressing you down into nothingness.

no one tells you it’s like this: stuck, suspended, neither above nor below. a ghost with nowhere to haunt. you can feel the world moving above you, every step leon takes a muffled tremor through the fabric of your absence. and you can’t dig your way out.

it’s cruel, honestly. you didn’t sign up to be an audience to your own absence. you didn’t sign up for any of it.

the first few weeks are agony. leon is a wreck. you’d try to comfort him if you could, but there’s no way to bridge the gap now. you’re here, and he’s there, and no matter how much you want to reach out, to brush his hair back from his face the way you used to, you can’t. so you watch.

the apartment becomes a kind of tomb, sealed off and stagnant.

he’s quiet now, quieter than you ever remember him being. no more humming while he brushes his teeth. no more off-key singing in the shower. no more dumb little jokes about how you take up the whole bed when you sleep, even though you knew he was worse.

your toothbrush still sits on the bathroom sink, your sweater still drapes over the chair, your mug is still in the sink, the laundry basket still smells like you, but he hasn’t touched it. not yet. he can’t.

instead, he sits in the dark most days, nursing half-empty beers he never finishes, staring at the wall like he’s waiting for it to speak.

he walks through the place like a man carrying his own casket, shoulders slumped, each step slow and heavy.

and his sobs come at night, muffled but raw, like they’re clawing their way out of him. you try to reach out, but there’s no breaking through.

you’re trapped beneath the weight of everything you left behind—his love, his sorrow, the life you didn’t get to finish.

it’s not that you expected him to bounce back right away—he loved you too much for that—but you didn’t think it would be this bad. it’s like he’s disappeared along with you, his laughter, his joy, his everything swallowed up by the void you left behind.

you thought this would be the worst part.

the grief. the silence. the way his hands shake when he turns the engagement photo face-down because he can’t stand to look at it anymore. you thought this was the hardest thing you’d ever have to endure.

you were wrong.

because time doesn’t stop for grief. it doesn’t stop for love, or for loss, or for you. it marches on, dragging everyone with it, no matter how much they resist. leon is no exception. slowly, almost imperceptibly, things start to change.

it’s the small things at first. the toothbrush disappears. your clothes get packed away, though he leaves your favorite sweater in the back of the closet.

he doesn’t sit by the window as much anymore, staring out at nothing. the framed photos of you slowly disappear from the walls, though the empty space it leaves behind feels louder than any picture ever was.

that one photo stays face-down for months, until one day it’s gone altogether. he starts going outside more, answering calls from friends, taking the time to breathe. it should make you happy. it’s what you always wanted for him.

and then, one day, he laughs.

you feel the shift like a crack in the foundation, a split in the earth above you.

it happens at the coffee shop you used to love, the one with the mismatched chairs and the too-sweet caramel lattes.

he’s sitting there, alone at first, until she shows up. she’s soft-looking, with kind eyes and a nervous smile, and she spills her drink all over his table.

you expect him to be annoyed, maybe even leave. but no. instead, he smiles. actually smiles. it’s small and hesitant and doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s there.

you feel something crack inside you. or maybe outside you. it’s hard to tell.

because here’s the thing: you wanted him to move on, didn’t you? you wanted him to heal, to find something good again, someone who could pull him out of the mess you left behind. but wanting that and watching it happen are two entirely different things.

she makes him happy. and that’s the worst part.

she’s kind to him, and he’s kind to her, and soon, they’re sharing the kind of warmth you once thought belonged only to you. it burns in a way the cold silence of death never did.

he smiles more now, even laughs sometimes, and there’s a lightness to him that hasn’t been there since… well, since you.

and you can’t leave. you’re bound here, like roots tangled too deep in the soil to ever be pulled free. you tell yourself it’s love, that you’re staying for him, to make sure he’s okay. but you know the truth. you’re here because you can’t let go. because even though his heart is piecing itself back together in someone else’s hands, it still feels like it should be yours.

they say you die twice: once when your heart stops beating, and again when someone says your name for the last time. but there's a third death, you think, when you watch the love of your life fall in love with someone else. it’s like death all over again, this time slower, piece by piece.

so yes, a heart can still break once it's stopped beating. yours does, every time he smiles at her the way he used to smile at you.

tags: @clitorphosis @withonly-sweetheart @fanilkychae @crowleyco

[bluemoonsunrise]

Demons and Savages

pairing: tsu’tey and human!avatar driver (fem presenting)

content warnings: graphic language, violence, alien vs human differences, awkward friendship?, tension, angst, vulgarity. (also, i don’t like to capitalize sentences on tumbler :3)

word count: …idk :D

pov: 2nd person so you can add yourself in. for writing/plot purposes, your character is named eris ramsey. i’ll use the name sparingly but i can’t take myself seriously writing y/n— so please just work with me here. i promise it’ll be worth it. (i hope)

< previous chapter

———🌌———

SUMMARY: earth was dying and your sister was, too, but cancer killed her faster than humans were killing earth. when she passed, she not only left behind an empty apartment full of memories but a billion dollar avatar without a driver. in a desperate attempt to not waste that money, the program she had spent the last five years preparing to join recruited you— her twin. of course, you agreed. there was nothing left on earth for you. there was nothing left on earth for anyone— that’s why people like your sister were sent off to pandora.

when your sister had spoken of pandora, it seemed like a dream.

the RDA promised it would be like a safari adventure.

truth was that pandora is beautiful. beautiful and unlike anything else across the whole of the universe. it is breathtaking— and that’s because what chases you through the forest hunts with the intent to kill; so you best run like hell even if your lungs are on fire. beasts and monsters of all kinds lurk out of sight waiting for the right moment to kill you dead— but none are as dangerous as him.

the blue shadow with the bow.

chapter two

— cowboy —

you should have linked to your avatar body sooner. the morning had nearly passed by the time you opened your eyes and stirred in your hammock. when you rose, he was waiting.

he had been waiting.

for hours.

anger made him look volatile. his tail flicked behind him as he watched you climb out from your hammock. you nearly tripped over your own feet trying to rub the daze of shifting into this larger, still-stiff body from your eyes.

“i’m sorry…” you said as you approached. you dipped your head and signed, ‘i see you’ to him. when his demeanor did not change, you swallowed around the lump in your throat. “really, i’m sorry. i don’t have much control over when i can and can’t be connected to my body.”

tsu’tey flicked his head and you knew to start marching.

he was kind enough to have saved you breakfast. dried fruits and nuts. you picked at them within the pouch he stored them in as you walked through the forest together. you offered him some as an attempt at making peace. to your surprise, he took a handful and poured them into his mouth. it was silent as you walked.

well, not for very long.

you had a bad habit of blabbering when tension arose— and you could feel the negativity radiating off him like the old story of chernobyl you knew about.

“how long have you been up for?” you asked, shooting a glance his way.

tsu’tey popped more pieces of dried fruit into his mouth and grunted. “sunrise.”

guilt made your stomach hurt.

“i really am sorry. i hope you understand that there is a strict schedule i follow. if i don’t, i risk killing myself. water? food? sleep? it’s all stuff my real body needs, too.” you said.

“i am not angry you are late, skxawng. i care not for what you do. im angry my day revolves around you. why i must be the one to teach you is not something i am happy with. i have other tasks i would rather see to. hunting. training warriors who are soon to pass their iknimaya.” tsu’tey said gruffly, not bothering to look at you.

your expression soured and you scowled at him. “you can teach me to be a warrior, too.”

“ha,” tsu’tey laughed. a real laugh. it lit up his face and made his ears perk up. he looked at you and shook his head. “you really are a skxawng.”

“eywa may have given me a sign not to shoot you down with my bow but it changes nothing. i see what you truly are, demon, even with all your practiced knowledge.”

“you are not real.”

you could only stare at him. your throat went dry. your heart shuddered in your chest. your voice was no where to be found— but what could ever be said to that?

nothing. because he was right.

“then why bother with all this?”

tsu’tey turned, stopping dead in his tracks. his tail flicked. “what?”

“why did you save me from the nantang?” you asked outright. you swallowed the fruit you had in your mouth with trouble and tried to keep your chin up. “if you know what i am, why bother saving me? you could’ve let me get torn apart. it wouldn’t have been you who killed me. no blame on you. why did you save me?”

tsu’tey let his shoulders drop. when he met your eyes, he looked at you. into you.

“eywa did not want you dead,” he said. his voice was too soft. he sounded like an entirely different person. a hopeless believer. “the atokirina landed on my arrowhead before it floated down to you. it kept me from firing that shot. it was a sign. you were to live.”

“when it floated around you, i knew what the great mother expected of me when the nantang attacked you.” tsu’tey said as he approached.

you stiffened as he stood in front of you. you had to tilt your head back to see him clearly. “and what…what is it that she expected?”

you winced when he grabbed your hand even though it didn’t hurt. not in the slightest. he touched your extra finger. he fought a scowl, his face twitching. he looked into your eyes and — for a second time — he was staring into you.

“i am to protect you…” tsu’tey muttered. he almost rolled his eyes as a heavy sigh escaped him. “it has been decided by eywa and by the tsahik. eywa is greater than my feelings. the great mother is greater than our differences. demon or not, you have been chosen for something and it is my job to make sure you don’t kill yourself, skxawng.”

“i— i’ve been chosen for something? what?” you asked, grasping his hand. you needed answers. you needed to know all that he knew.

tsu’tey pulled his hand from yours and shook it at his side as if it burned. his scowl returned with vengeance. it twisted his face in a way that was all too familiar. you almost preferred his scowl. you expected his harshness. you had no idea what to make of his gentler voice and softened features.

“i do not know.” tsu’tey said. his voice was tight in his throat. his tail flicked behind him. “i am not capable of interpreting eywa’s will. i am only a warrior.”

“and i can make you one, too, if that is what you wish to be.”

you looked up at him. your ears and tail betrayed you. your tail wouldn’t stay still and your ears stood at attention. excitement tickled your belly.

“really?” you asked, almost bracing yourself for a sudden change in his heart.

tsu’tey grunted and looked away. “it serves as a better use of my time teach you how to fight and hunt rather than help you string beads and teach you how to sing.”

“and if i choose to be a singer?” you asked, raising one of your eyebrows.

“then there are many songs for you to learn, demon,” tsu’tey said with a shake of his head. “but you will learn to ride pa’li. that is essential.”

if he hadn’t tried it so intently then maybe you would’ve missed it. perhaps more subconsciously to him, he tried to raise only one of his hairless eyebrows. it had you biting your lip as to not smile.

you nodded once, placing your hands on your hips. “let’s get started then.”

he took you to the riverbank. the sun was warm. insects buzzed by your head and skimmed across the surface of the water. fish leapt out from the river to catch them. direhorses ate the sweet vegetation that grew by the waterside.

“damn,” you whispered as tsu’tey guided one of the massive direhorses towards you. you took a step back as it stomped one of its feet when he tugged it to halt. “no saddle?”

“you have legs.” he said with a glance towards your thighs. “you will use them to hold on.”

“i don’t know if you know this, buddy, but this body has only ever been in use like four times now. i’m going to fall off.” you said.

“then you get back on.” tsu’tey said with a single flick of his head toward the direhorse.

you swallowed a bit of your pride as he grunted for you to get a move on. you had to raise your arm up high to reach its back. the leather of its skin was tough. it was a tall, powerful creature you knew would buck you off within a second.

“now, demon.” tsu’tey hissed.

“alright, alright…” you cringed a bit and tried your best to steel your spine. with you best foot forward, you tried to swing yourself up.

“bad try.” tsu’tey shook his head and nudged you out of the way. “watch how i do.”

he wrapped his arm around the tendril that hung down by the direhorses neck. with a quickness you wouldn’t be able to replicate anytime soon, he swung himself up onto the direhorses back.

you rolled your eyes. “you should’ve told me to grab that from the beginning.”

“again.” tsu’tey said as he slid down off the direhorses back. he ignored your comment. “this time, do like i did.”

you exhaled a sharp, fast breath. annoyance pinned your ears back. reaching up, you hooked an arm around one of the tendrils just as he had. with all the strength you could, you tried to pull yourself up.

that just pissed off the direhorse and it stomped it’s feet, huffing and snorting.

“you need to swing.” tsu’tey said. he tapped his stomach. “strong belly and swing your legs up. do not use your arms to pull until your belly is tight and you’ve swung your legs.”

“watch.” he nudged you out of the way.

this time, you really watched his form. you watched the way he grasped the tether as a stationary point but swung himself up. he had taken two steps to build momentum. two steps, swing up, mount.

easy enough, yeah?

“momentum. momentum.” you muttered yourself as you grasped the direhorses tether again.

you took a breath and felt it. your core tightened as you geared up to take those steps and swing yourself up. step, step, swing— except you choked. when your leg didn’t quite get up over the side, you bailed entirely and nearly fell flat on your face.

he grabbed your arm and kept you steady.

your ears fell flat as you met his eyes. you could see the scowl threaten to curl on his lips. you braced yourself for harsh words and hisses.

“better.” he said.

your ears perked up.

“swinging yourself with great force is the only way to mount pa’li. you must take larger steps to make that swing.” tsu’tey said.

you nodded. “yeah, i need more momentum.”

“momen…what?” he narrowed his eyes and titled his head.

“momentum,” you said again, clearer this time. you demonstrated the swing you needed to do with your hands. “momentum. the swing. you get it?”

“momentum.” tsu’tey said, watching your lips as your mouth formed the word. his accent was so thick it seemed to get in the way of his tongue. “yes, it is that. you just make more momentum.”

“but how? i mean, i tried doing the same amount of steps as you but it’s the height that’s throwing me off.” you said, looking up at the direhorse.

“pa’li is tall but you are tall, too. try to step, jump, swing.” tsu’tey said. he crossed his arms against his chest and watched.

you shook out the tension in your shoulders. step, jump, swing. his brows pinched together as he watched you take a few steps back. you gave yourself a running start and jumped, pushing yourself up with your arms.

his hands curled around your waist and he pulled you off before you could swing yourself on.

“hey!” you exclaimed, struggling in his grasp.

“wrong.” he placed you down and turned you toward him. “in order to ride, you must make tsaheylu. a bond. in order to make that bond, you must hold the tether. first step, you must hold the tether.”

“jumping on pa’li like that is a waste of time. it is not faster. bad habit. break it. do not do it again.” he instructed.

“alright, alright…” you said softly, holding up your hands.

“strong belly, demon.” he reminded you.

“yeah, i got it. thanks.”

you huffed under your breath as you wrapped your arm around the tether. standing back nearer towards its face, you would be able to run and swing yourself up— and that’s exactly what you tried to do. you ran, kept your core tight, swung your leg up, and mounted the direhorse.

“hey!” you gasped, pupils blown wide as you look down at him. “i did it!”

he was fighting a grin whilst stood at your side. patting the direhorses neck, he kept the beast calm. he looked up at you and nodded once. you could see in his eyes what he did not say.

well done, demon.

“again.” tsu’tey said, pulling you off the direhorse.

“woah!” you hooked your arms around his neck and fell into his arms. as he set you on your feet, you looked up at him. “you are so handsy.”

“i don’t know what that means.” he said as he let you go. his lip curled and he stared down his nose at you.

he thought you were insulting him.

“handsy. y’know, touchy.” you said. for show, you glided your hand along his chest and gripped his bicep in the other. “you touch me a lot.”

tsu’tey huffed and nudged your hands away. “if i don’t touch, you will hurt yourself. i’m making sure you do not injure yourself, skxawng.”

“skxawng. you keep calling me that. what does it mean?” you asked with annoyance lacing your voice. judging by the way he called you demon, you knew it couldn’t be good.

“means you are slow.” tsu’tey said. he flicked your forehead. “in here, you are slow.”

your eyes widened and your mouth popped open. “you’re calling me a moron!”

tsu’tey bared his teeth in a sharp smile. “you act like one.”

“you are such a jackass.” you huffed under your breath.

ignoring the way he chuckled, you once again tried to mount the direhorse. you didn’t keep your core tight enough. you stumble and it bumped you with its hip. the poor thing must’ve been annoyed with you by this point. you were annoyed with yourself— annoyed with him most of all.

on the second try, you swung yourself up onto the direhorses back. tsu’tey came to your side. he nodded at you as you met his eyes. you’d gotten the hang of it. with more practice you’d be able to do it with ease.

“now it is time for you to make tsaheylu.” he said.

tsaheylu. the bond. you knew of it. you’d read about it in grace augustine’s book before they shipped you out to pandora. it was how all living things on pandora connected to one and other. it is how all living things connected to eywa.

“take your kuru and make tsaheylu.” tsu’tey said, guiding the direhorses tether up toward you.

you reached behind your head and pulled your braid over your shoulder. queue. kuru. so many names for it. but there was only one name for the bond you were about to make.

the white spindles twisted and extended at the end of your braid. so did the direhorses at the end of its tether-like queue. as you guided your kuru forward, pinkish-white spindles linked and overlapped as you made tsaheylu.

your pupils blew and your body went rigid. you could hear mighty breath and a strong beating heart. you could feel legs that were not your own.

tsu’tey placed his hand on your thigh. you looked down at him, unaware that you were panting. he nodded once. calm. collected.

“breathe,” tsu’tey said lowly. he ran his hand across your thigh, up your waist, to your belly. “deep. slow. feel her breath and match it.”

you closed your eyes and focused on the way the direhorse inhaled and exhaled. it was much harder to do when his hand was on your belly.

his hand was warm…

in and out.

you focused on that and that alone.

breathing in deep and letting it all out.

“feel her strong legs.” tsu’tey said.

those you could feel without having to try. as she stepped back and forth, you could feel the power within them. fast. faster than horses on earth ever could’ve been. this direhorse had more legs than them. a larger set of lungs. a larger heart.

“when you are ready, think ‘run.’” tsu’tey said as he stepped back.

“run?” you repeated.

the direhorse ran— and you fell straight into the mud.

a soft groan escaped you. the whole left side of your face was mud caked. his shadow blocked out the sun and you heard him sigh.

“a mistake every first rider makes.” tsu’tey said as you pushed yourself up. “you will try again. this time, you will hold on.”

“thanks for the advice.” you huffed, hitting him with your muddy shoulder as you walked by.

mounting the direhorse became easier each time you did it— and you did it over and over again because you could not stay on the creatures back for long. you fell into the mud each and every time you willed the direhorse to run.

tsu’tey brought you to the riverbed not only because it is where the direhorses liked to graze but because the mud cushioned your falls.

“you are not holding on.” tsu’tey said as he pulled you up from the mud.

“i am!” you exclaimed. your frustration was reaching its boiling point and you pulled your arm from his grasp. “how much tighter do i have to grip the damn tethers it has?”

“you are not holding on here.” tsu’tey said, smacking your thigh.

you scowled at him and swatted at his hand. “don’t.”

“you must squeeze your legs, skxawng.” tsu’tey said with a shake of his head. “you cannot stay in place on the back of pa’li if you do not squeeze your thighs.”

“fine. fine.” you huffed and turned away. “i get it. tight core. squeeze my legs.”

“try.”

you looked back at him as he grabbed your waist. your eyes widened as he tugged you towards him. your jaw dropped as he wedged his leg in between your thighs.

“what the fuck are you doing?!” you cursed at him, pushing your arm into his chest.

“squeeze.” tsu’tey commanded.

you laughed in his face. “oh, you’re funny.”

“do as i say, skxawng.”

you had to grit your teeth. chest to chest with him, you had little options. everything he had instructed you to do so far and every correction he made had not led you astray. it bruised your pride to do as you were told.

you squeezed your thighs together, squishing his thigh between your legs. you looked anywhere but at him. he did the same as his hands framed your waist. he rocked his leg from side to side.

“pa’li are fast and they are strong. you must be strong, too, to ride. your legs will tire but falling hurts more.” tsu’tey said softly. he looked down between you both. “you must squeeze harder. i am able to move my leg back and forth without you. squeeze until you are moving as i move.”

looking down, you squeezed your thighs together tighter. you had to grit your teeth. as he moved his leg side to side, yours were glued to him. squeezing his thigh, you moved as he moved. when he dipped to the left, you had no choice but to follow. when he tried to move his thigh upward, the tension in your legs gave the right amount of resistance so that he could not throw you off.

“do you see now?” tsu’tey asked as he met your eyes. he tried to buck his thigh again and could not. not with you squeezing him so tight. “tsaheylu makes you one with pa’li in the mind. you must make yourself one with pa’li like this. strong core. strong legs. strong hips.”

“i get it,” you said softly, ignoring the burn in your face and the tickle in your belly that came with being so close to him.

tsu’tey tapped your thigh and you let him go. he took a step back and flicked his head. “try again. don’t fall this time, demon.”

you dipped your head.

mounting the direhorse, you were quick to make the bond. feel her breath. feel her heart. feel her legs. you wrapped the tethers around your arms and kept a firm grip. at the same time, you squeezed your legs tight around the direhorses sides.

“run,” you thought.

and the direhorse heard you.

with legs that sounded like thunder as they hit the ground, the direhorse ran. you kept your grip tight and your thighs clenched even tighter. gritting your teeth, you held on as the wind whipped across your face. the direhorse ran a lap around the riverbed as it had been trained to do— and you only fell off at the end when you simply could not hold on any longer.

you spit out the mud that had gotten in your mouth. pushing yourself up, you saw him grinning. a soft sigh escaped you. such sweet relief it was to see something other than a scowl after giving it the best shot you had all day.

“we are finished for today.” tsu’tey said as you neared. he picked a twig out of your hair. “you did better than i thought you would. tomorrow it will be easier. clean yourself up in the river.”

the cold river water embraced you like a lover and soothed the ache in your muscles. it washed away the mud caked onto your skin and the sweat that beaded on your hairline and dripped down your back.

you could feel his gaze linger on you as you washed.

and you ignored the way it made you feel.

— 🌌 —

the next day was by no means easier.

nor way the day after that.

or the day after that.

bruises made your blue skin purple. they littered your thighs. your arms. your back. you took the falls like a champ when they happened, but crawling in and out of your hammock each day could not be done without a groan.

until it did get easier.

you could mount your direhorse with ease. mitsia was her name. each time you made tsaheylu, the more your bond deepened. she grew accustomed to you. she did not jostle as much. she did not run so recklessly. she would greet you each morning with a bump of her nose.

you could ride longer and longer each day— and one day you stopped falling all together. leaving the riverbank behind, you rode with tsu’tey through the forest. learning to hold on as mitsia leapt over fallen logs was not as difficult as you imagined it would be. keeping your core tight and your legs secure, you moved as she moved. it became second nature.

it became second nature, too, to compete with tsu’tey as you mastered the art of riding.

“c’mon, cowboy! you’re eating my dust!” you laughed over your shoulder as the two of you raced back to home tree.

he smirked.

racing through the forest, you stole glances at each other as the direhorses below you ran. mitsia and karuk — tsu’tey’s pa’li — had grown accustomed to each other, too. like their riders, they competed to get home first. mitsia’s heart pounded and her breath came hard as fast as she tried to out run karuk.

the male direhorse was older and his legs were longer. when tsu’tey crouched and tucked himself downward to be more aerodynamic, the race was already won.

“i will beat you tomorrow, jackass.” you said as you swung yourself off mitsia. you gave her a gentle pat before joining beside tsu’tey.

“no, not tomorrow. we are finished training with pa’li. you have mastered riding.” tsu’tey said with a glance your way. as you walked inside home tree, the smell of pandoran barbecue made your stomach grumble.

“what’s next then?” you asked.

“you have yet to decide if being a hunter is what you want. tomorrow, you rest and decide.” tsu’tey said.

you watched as he departed. instead of heading up the center column, he made his way towards the olo’eyktan. he bowed his head and signed ‘i see you’ before sitting down beside him. you knew what they were discussing. each day, tsu’tey gave a report about how you were fairing to the olo’eyktan.

you cleaned yourself up before dinner. re-doing some of the braids in your hair, you thought about what tsu’tey had said.

you had yet to decide on what you truly want to be.

you knew you didn’t want to be a singer. you didn’t have the confidence it took to preform. you enjoyed riding and you enjoyed being in the forest, but you didn’t know if you had what it took to be a powerful hunter.

on earth, you hadn’t done more than wait on costumers and clean up messes that they left behind. hunters didn’t scrape gum off the undersides of tables or have to clean matted grease off deep fryers. they were masters with a bow and quick with a knife.

each day that you went to bed and woke up back in the link-pod, you felt less and less uncertain.

uncertain about what you wanted.

uncertain about who you were.

surrounded by scientists, you were not as smart as them. you could help grace log her findings but you couldn’t offer anything more than clicking buttons on the computer. you weren’t fluent in navi like norm. you weren’t as physically capable as jake was when he was in his avatar body.

jake was military.

norm was a scholar.

grace was a scientist.

you were just the replacement for a dead genius.

a blank slate.

that thought stuck with you like a nagging itch as you climbed the center column of home tree and made your way to your usual eating spot. the more you tried to ignore it, the worse it became.

you were a blank slate in a world ripe with opportunity and that had to mean something.

you had few skills.

that meant you could learn hundreds of new ones.

you had poor navi.

that gave you room to improve with those who spoke it fluently and hadn’t learned it out of a book.

you had no muscle.

that meant you could only grow stronger.

in a program full of bright minds and strong spirits, only one of you sat in home tree— and only one of you had been chosen by eywa.

it had not been grace.

It had not been norm.

it had not been jake.

it had been you. you had a purpose on pandora. a purpose that surpassed what you knew about tree roots or how many pull-ups you could do.

if you wanted to be a hunter— you would learn.

and he would each you how. just like he taught you to ride a direhorse in nine days.

“what is it that you had called me today, demon?” tsu’tey asked as he sat across from you. “when we raced through the forest.”

you couldn’t help but smile. “a cowboy.”

“cowboy…” he picked up a bug from the pile on his leaf and cracked the shell with his teeth. he pulled out the soft meaty inside and ate it. “what does that mean? cowboy.”

“a cowboy is a man who rides a horse and deals with herding animals. they wear hats and boots. on earth, cowboys were seen most in the western part of america.” you said as you picked at the food. you hadn’t gotten used to bugs yet. it was their many, many legs that creeped you out.

when he didn’t respond right away, you looked up. it was clear to see that most — if not all — of what you said had been lost to his ears. again, you smiled.

“on earth, cowboys rode pa’li. they were like hunters, except they kept the animals close together in herds. in a big group that they would move from place to place.” you said, choosing your words more carefully.

“they were also like warriors, too. the word is vigilante. it means that they took the law into their own hands and punished those who broke it.”

“is there no olo’eyktan to answer to?” tsu’tey asked, his invisible brows knitting together.

“no,” you said with a small laugh. carefully, you bit into a bug and chewed. it didn’t taste bad. it was good. smoky in flavor— but the legs still gave you the heebie-jeebies. “on earth, instead of clans there are countries. millions and millions of people live in a single country alone. and there are hundreds of countries.”

“millions of people…” tsu’tey looked around the crowded dinner place and then back at you. “and that is more than navi here in home tree?”

“so many more. unimaginable.” you said with a shake of your head. you popped the shell of another bug and tried to explain it as easy to understand as you could. “let’s use you as an example. you know everyone in your clan, yes?”

“yes.” he nodded.

“right. in a country on earth, you’d never be able to meet every person who lives in that country. there are too many people. it would be like if all the clans from sea to sea across the land we’re on now were one clan.” you tried to explain.

to your delight, he seemed to understand. his eyes were wider than they usually were. he let out a soft breath and shook his head, “and these cowboys…were there a lot of them?”

“in the past, yes. where i lived and in the time i lived, no. there aren’t enough animals on earth for cowboys to be useful. there are no more great plaines, either. no horses to ride. it’s all metal and machines.” you said with a small frown.

“is there no great mother on earth, too?” tsu’tey asked.

you shrugged. “if there was one then she died long before i was born.”

tsu’tey frowned. you could see the sympathy he held for you. his face was so expressive for someone so rough around the edges.

“how did you come here?” tsu’tey asked. the question was careful. it was as if he presented it to you in the palms of his hands and braced himself for rejection.

that was exactly what you gave him.

“i want to be a hunter.” you said outright. you pushed aside your leaf still full of food. you were no longer hungry. as you met his eyes, you nodded once. “i want to be a warrior like you and i want you to teach me.”

tsu’tey sat back. he narrowed his eyes at you and took in the whole of you. his eyes trailed from your head to your crossed legs. the bruises that decorated your body had yet to fade. being a hunter was a lot harder than being a direhorse rider. being a warrior was more dangerous than both.

“tomorrow you shall rest. that is decided. it is needed. the day after, i will teach you how to use a bow.” tsu’tey said.

heat rose to your face and your tail swayed wildly behind you. so wildly that you reached back to grab it. he hadn’t said no. he hadn’t laughed. he hadn’t called you a moron.

he would teach you.

he would mold you into a fierce warrior and a bountiful hunter because no student was better to teach than one who was a blank canvas.

“why do you look like that?” tsu’tey asked with a small scowl.

“huh? uh…” you were quick to let go of your tail. your ears pinned and you looked anywhere but at him. “i don’t know…i think im just surprised that you’re agreeing to let me become what you are. a warrior. a hunter. i figured you would’ve told me to start warming up my singing voice.”

tsu’tey laughed. a low, grunt-like laugh came out of his nose. as he picked apart a green-shelled bug, he smiled. “i told you once before, skxawng. if you want to be a hunter, i will make you a hunter. i don’t like singing. i would dislike you more if you had chosen to sing over shoot a bow.”

you couldn’t help but smile. “right…”

“you learn fast.” tsu’tey said without looking at you, “you are determined, too. you proved me wrong when you got back on mitsia after you kept falling off. i thought you would quit.”

“my only doubt left of you is that your body will give out on you.” he met your eyes and shook his head. “you are not true navi. it will be a very great test of your strength, demon, but if you are willing then i will teach you.”

“i am.” you said with a slow nod of your head. you looked into his eyes and kept your chin up. “i made my choice. i want to learn all that you know.”

tsu’tey seemed to savor your words. more than that, he savored the look in your eyes. he saw into you. he saw your resolve. it was as hard as steel.

on earth, you had been nothing.

on pandora, you would be exceptional.

“it is decided then.” tsu’tey said.

you smiled to yourself. you couldn’t help it. looking above, you took in as much detail of home tree as you could but there was only one picture in your mind.

his face.

over the last nine days, you had done well to keep up with him. so much so that you refused to quit even when you took a particularly bad fall off mitsia. you couldn’t let him know that it hurt. pride kept you stubborn— but the desire to see him proud burned hotter and hotter each time you tried.

tsu’tey was a good teacher. he was handsy and harsh, but he was the only person capable of teaching you. he could handle your stubbornness as well as you could handle his. while he scolded you and smacked you on the back of the head when you would do incredibly stupid and dangerous things, he was quick to congratulate and reward you, too.

not all his edges were rough.

most. but not all.

“here,” tsu’tey said. he tossed you a pouch as you climbed down into your hammock.

“what is this?” you asked.

sitting on your knees, you opened the pouch. dumping it into your hand, a palm-size carving of a direhorses fell out.

it was mitsia.

when you looked up to thank him, he was gone. the flap to his hanging hut closed as he disappeared inside.

you bit back a smile as you laid down in your hammock. holding up the carving, you admired the craftsmanship. for the last three days, you would wake to him sitting on the branch beside your hammock. he had been whittling something. wood chips would be piled beside him. he would be quick to tuck away his work and sheath his knife as you awoke.

in the morning hours you were not here, he carved as he watched you sleep without dreaming.

you kept the carving of your direhorse close to your chest as you laid back. closing you eyes, you wished to dream. in this body, you wanted to dream of thundering hooves and tsutey’s sharp smile.

the whirr of the link-pod greeted you. the hatch opened and the bright, white lights of the lab made your eyes burn. home tree at this hour was dark and quiet. the avatar lab was always busy. pushing yourself out of the pod, you rolled out the stiffness in your shoulders.

“long day again, huh?” norm turned in his chair as you passed by. he was studying slides under one of the microscopes. “what did he have you doing this time?”

“hey, no talking until after she logs.” grace said without bothering to look away from the computer she typed at. “detail the day while it’s fresh in your mind.”

“yeah, yeah…” you mumbled as you made your way over to a chair in the corner.

the blinking red light told you the tiny camera was recording you. that and the fact that you could see your face displayed on the screen as the time ticked by. you gave your name, your badge number, and the date before detailing the events of today. you hated logging. you hated sitting at that desk and recalling everything you’d done.

you hated it because it made you miss him.

the feeling was new to you. it crept up on you like a cold. each hour spent outside of your avatar had you growing sicker and sicker with the feeling.

the feeling of longing that came with wanting to be in home tree. wanting to wake up— really wake up in your hammock. being up early enough to eat breakfast with the clan.

with him.

you liked to argue with him. you could see the slight smile on your lips each time you spoke about him in your video logs. you hated that you smiled— but you couldn’t help it. apart from jake, tsu’tey was the only person you felt you had any kind of rapport with. he could be mean and calloused— but he was also the only person on this giant blue moon who spent any meaningful time with you.

jake kept you company at breakfast and dinner. he played card games with you before bed. he was easy to talk about human life to. you expressed your grief to him— as hard as it was — because he understood. he lost his brother like you had lost your sister. he, too, felt like an imposter in the avatar labs.

the bond you two shared was solid.

he could make you smile. he could make you laugh. he could make you cry. he could make you feel as though you did belong here in the RDA. he was a comforting presence that you hadn’t known you needed after the death of your sister had left a hole in your heart.

jake didn’t fill the hole— but he did a damn good job of making it hurt less.

tsu’tey was not your friend.

unlike jake, tsu’tey refused to be labeled as such— and yet he acted like one. he was a strict teacher. that much could not be denied. he worked you to the point of bruises…but at the same time, he consoled every hurt. he checked every bump. he tended to every scratch.

he may not have known you like jake knew you, but he spent the most time with you. he spent hours and hours alongside you. his days started and ended with you. teaching you. correcting you. yelling at you. bickering with you. teasing you. smiling at you.

jake knew your story.

he knew your heartache.

he knew your fears.

tsu’tey knew your hopes.

he knew your strength.

he knew your hunger for life.

in so many ways you couldn’t quite put into words, tsu’tey was the only one to know you. what you were. what you were capable of. what drove you. what focused you. what lit a fire under your ass. what strength you had in your heart.

on earth, you had been nothing. just another person on a dying planet. you had no plans because there were no plans to have. you had no money. not enough to be comfortable. not enough to find happiness. you had no family. sickness and poverty had withered them all away. with the death of your sister, you may as well have died, too.

on pandora, you had the chance to be anything you wanted to be. a warrior. a hunter. a singer. a scientist. a gardener. a solider. there were so many things you could be— yet you hardly knew who you were.

each day you got into that link-pod, it was a constant battle of which one was real.

which you was real?

you knew the version of you that could no longer exist. the girl from earth had died when her sister passed— and whoever emerged from the smog keeping you wilted was new. she was a stranger to everyone around her.

including you.

which is why you chose to be strong. if you could be anything on pandora, you would be strong. you would be brave. you would be kind.

who you chose to be was a mirror of the first person to look into your eyes and see you.

tsu’tey knew you better than anyone in this lab ever could because he watched you find yourself more and more within the forests of pandora.

you liked the sun. it felt good on your skin. you liked to swim in the river. it felt good to be weightless. you liked to ride and you liked to run. you liked to laugh. you liked to learn. you liked to try and try again when you failed.

while the avatar drivers you had been separated from on your first ground excursion worked on understanding the forest around them on a cellular, scientific level— you worked on understanding the forest on a personal level.

you scraped your knees on the forest floor. you climbed the towering trees. you formed tsaheylu with pa’li. you had been blessed by the atokirina.

grace saw the forest through the lens of a microscope while you saw the forest through his eyes.

“tsu’tey told me as we rode today that all energy is only borrowed. it is through that energy gifted by eywa that we are blessed to live long, fulfilling lives. when we die, we return that energy to her.” you said, rubbing your hand along your jaw. “i wonder if that applies to us demons…”

you smiled at the camera. “well, that’s about all. the same old same old. horses and riding. riding and horses. tsu’tey said that tomorrow is my rest day. i wonder what kind of trouble i’ll get myself into on a day like that.”

when the red light turned off, you sighed. rubbing your face, all you wanted was to go to bed but you couldn’t. you needed to eat and drink something. even though you had such recent memories of eating dinner in home tree that tricked your mind into thinking you were full— your stomach growled and gnawed at itself.

“hey, hot-shot.” you said as you sat down in the mess hall beside jake. he was already halfway done with his dinner.

“hey there, forest girl.” jake said with a grin. “you’re back pretty late again. get thrown off your horse at all today?”

“nah. i’ve got that horse-riding shit on lock down.” you said as you took a bite of your dinner. the food tasted weird. it always did. you tried your best to ignore it. “how was your day?”

“boring. all i do is stand around while grace and norm scurry around the woods together and put dirt into jars. i dunno how tommy found any of this shit interesting. i mean, pandora is awesome but the science work i see grace and norm do is like watching paint dry.” jake said with a sigh.

you laughed and frowned at him. “i wish you could come to home tree and spend a day with me and tsu’tey. i don’t think he’d like you very much, but at least it would be something for you to do. it would be like basic training but navi style.”

“i wish i could, too. im jealous that you get to spend your days running around in the woods while im stuck with the know-it-all’s. but i live vicariously through you in your stories.”

“is it fun?” jake asked. he smiled. “yknow, riding those big ass horses?”

you smiled, too. “so much fun. you’d love it. you’d be good at it. i bet you’d master it faster than me.”

jake offered to stay with you while you finished your dinner even though he’d finished first. you enjoyed his company. sitting together, you talked mindlessly about hobbies the two of you had. on earth, jake had liked to go to bars and gamble while you had liked to come home from work and rot in front of the tv. no matter what was on, you would watch it. any show. any movie. it didn’t matter what it was because all it was was an escape from the shithole you lived in and the dying world outside your window.

“excuse me, miss ramsey?”

you looked over your shoulder as your name was called. a solider dressed in camo stood with his arms behind his back.

“yeah?” you asked, raising one of your eyebrows.

“if you could follow me please, colonel quaritch wants to speak with you.”

you met jake’s eyes in time to see his brows raise. with a small flick of his head, he silently told you to get going. you got up form where you were sitting, cleared away your mess, and followed behind the solider. as you walked, you saw the corporal insignia on his uniform.

“in here.” the corporal said, pushing open a set of double doors. “sit tight. he’ll be here shortly.”

the doors shut with an eery silence as the corporal left you alone. you’d been in this room once before. on your first day at hell’s gate, you’d been brought here and given a briefing. the lights were off. only moonlight spilled in through the massive windows. slowly, you took a seat on one of the cold metal chair.

minutes ticked by in silence.

it was so silent that it was deafening. it was the kind of quiet that was loud. you could hear every little sound. your breath. muffled footsteps from the floor above. faint grumbling from machines outside.

you knew what this was.

you had seen enough old detective movies to know that you were put in a room by yourself to induce worry. worry led to overthinking. overthinking led to over-talking. over-talking made it hard to lie.

the doors swinging open made you jump.

“sorry to make you wait,” colonel miles quaritch said as he strode into the room. “the dangers on this god forsaken planet never seem to cease.”

you nodded as he approached. he turned a chair around and sat backwards on it beside you. he smelled of gun powder and alcohol. it burned your nose. the scar on his face had made you uneasy from the moment you saw him for the first time. you wonder what did it. nantang? palulukan? something worse?

“i read your file, miss ramsey.” the colonel said as he folded his hands against the back of his chair. “im sorry to hear about your sister’s passing.”

“thank you.” you said softly. too softly.

“what luck the avatar program has in seeming to recruit scientists who have twins, huh? you and corporal sully are two miracles for this place. without you two, the RDA would’ve lost more billions than they could afford to make back.”

unsure of what to say, you tried your best to smile. as the colonel looked into your eyes, you found it hard to keep that smile. there was something about him that made you feel small. his eye were empty. they were cold. you felt like a rabbit who’d caught the attention of a wolf.

“i watched a couple of your video logs. you got separated from your team and you’ve been taken in by the natives, yes?” the colonel asked.

you nodded once. “yes…”

“as head of security, it’s my job to make sure my people are safe. you’re one of my people, miss ramsey, which means that avatar body you control is, too. to be honest with you, i’d say you’re now one of the most essential people in this hell hole.”

“i have a job for you, missy. i want you to gather intel about the natives for me and record it in your video logs. find out how they operate. find out what it would take to make peace with them.”

your stomach sank.

peace was still being sought.

you were so wrapped up in day to day life in home tree that you forgot that the relationship between the navi and the RDA was unfriendly in every sense of the world.

it made you feel queasy to remember your first night in the forest. sweat pooled in your palms as you recalled seeing him for the first time. those glowing eyes. that bow half-drawn, aiming for your chest.

tsu’tey had every intention of killing you.

and he would’ve if eywa hadn’t stopped him.

the colonel leaned in and asked in a low voice, “do you think you can do that for me?”

“yes, sir.” you whispered. slowly, you nodded. the only thing you could do was nod. “of course.”

“that’s good.” the colonel said with a smile. he tapped his hands on the metal of his chair as his smile grew and grew. “that’s real good, miss ramsey. you’re going to be a great deal of help to me and you’ll be making the lives of everyone here all the safer. besides, it’ll be easier to answer to me than it is to answer to dr. augustine.”

you smiled, too. you forced your lips to show your teeth and you dipped your head. “ah, she’s not so bad…but i will say i’m more keen on tactical work than computers.”

“i like to hear that.” the colonel said. “have you given any thought to enlisting? it could benefit you a lot here in hell’s gate.”

“truthfully, no. i’m not really sure what role it is i play here and i’m not too sure if i’ll pick one at all. i’m here to fill my sisters shoes in any way that i can. right now, it seems my job is to keep learning.” you said.

the colonel seemed to roll your words between the tips of his fingers. “knowledge is power— and i need all the knowledge i can get my hands on. study the natives as close as they’ve been studying you and in time, you won’t need to fill any shoes that aren’t your own.”

“your sister may have been selected to aide dr. augustine in her studies so that she can write a second book that no one will bother to read— but you? you’ve been chosen by me to ensure the security of the men and women on this base. to me, that is far more important than what you can see under a microscope.” the colonel said.

“i understand, sir.” you said with another dip of your head. “i’ll make sure to detail my findings in my logs.”

“good.” the colonel said as he stood. “you have a good rest of your night, miss ramsey. we will be in touch.”

as he walked passed you, your heart returned to its place in your chest and not lodged up into the back of your throat. you uncurled your hands from fists and rubbed them up and down your thighs to wipe away the sweat. you felt as though you could breathe.

“oh and miss ramsey?”

“yes?” you asked, turning your head.

the colonel stopped by the door and said, “make sure not to tell any of your scientist friends about this little arrangement. grace augustine gets very unhappy knowing i’ve stuck my nose into her program.”

“sure,” you said softly. “no problem.”

the colonel left without another word.

you nearly crumbled into a pile of ashes. curling over the table, you rested your face against the cold metal. your heart was racing in your chest. it was hard to breathe around the pressure on your shoulders and the tightness in your throat.

what the hell are you doing, you idiot?

you had no answer for yourself.

covering your head with your arms, anxiety burned your belly. it put a sour taste in your mouth.

you were now on the colonels radar.

he expected information out of you. he expected answers— unlike grace who expected results.

in bed, you could hardly sleep. tossing and turning, you couldn’t lay still. it felt like there were ants in your sheets. each time you felt comfortable, tsu’tey scowl flashed in your mind.

what you were going to do was wrong.

you knew in the core of your being that spying on the clan and handing over your findings to the RDA was wrong.

but what choice did you have?

you had chosen to be a warrior— and yet you had been chosen to be a spy.

you buried your face into your pillow and tried your best to ignore the way shame made you feel.

it brought you shame to know that each time you’d log the events of the day, miles quaritch would watch your recordings and use them to his advantage. and the worst part was that you couldn’t just spew bullshit. you had been tasked with learning how they operated. learning how they functioned not just as a people but as a united force. if you didn’t make the right reports with the right kind of information, what would happen to you?

you had no idea.

you did know, though, that you’d never be allowed to touch a link-pod again.

the avatar body you’d grown to love would lay a husk until it died. you’d be ripped from the forest like a weed out of the ground. you’d never be able to feel mitsia’s heart. you’d never be able to sit in home tree and listen to the people sing.

you’d never get to see tsu’tey again.

he tolerated you because you looked like him. blue, tall, and freckled with bioluminescence, your avatar did it’s job of seeming normal enough to even the mightiest warrior. even if he’d never admit it, over the last nine days you had become familiar. he wasn’t very fond of you and he was definitely not your friend— but at the very least, you were familiar to him.

he would shoot you dead if he saw you standing before him as the alien you truly were.

that was something you couldn’t risk.

your admiration for him and your hunger to learn from him was not something you could let slip away— so you would do what the colonel asked of you.

in order to run through the forest and bicker with him, you’d do as miles quaritch asked. and you would do so carefully. cautiously. as gently as you could— because you did not want was to lose the freedom you’d been given. you didn’t want to lose the life you had just begun to lead. you didn’t want to be trapped inside metal walls and crowded by machines and pollution any longer.

and the last thing you ever wanted to do was hurt him.

eywa had given tsu’tey a sign protect you. when the atokirina landed on his bow, it had been a duty gifted to him. he protected you from the nantang— from himself. and he would continue to protect you from anything that tried to harm you.

tsu’tey had given you a purpose. when he carried you to home tree and took on the burden of becoming your teacher, he’d given you a second chance at life.

it was now your turn to protect him.

from the RDA.

from the colonel.

and maybe even from yourself.

thanks for reading :)

next chapter >

[hamiltonaf]

Hi! I’m so excited you’ve open your requests, can I ask one with Lewis where you work with Toto and are like his little girl, so you get along and are close.

You’ve been secretly in love with him for a while so you try to help and been there for him now that Merc is struggling with the car, so after one race weekend like this one (😪) you try to confort him but he takes his anger on you.

The following week at the factory you’re distant and he starts to miss you…

The end is on you.

Thanks 🙌🏾❤️

Confession | Lewis Hamilton

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: Slight angst but fluff

A/N: Hi loves ! Slowly recovering from being ill for over a week so bare with me. Thanks anon for requesting. Hope you babes enjoy. Requests are still open .xx

The Monza race weekend was here… is it hypocritical of me to say it’s one of my favourites if I’m working for Mercedes ? You can’t deny that the vibe and energy of tifosi doesn’t hype you up even if you’re not a fan of Ferrari.

I couldn’t wait to start posting content for the weekend, I mean it is my job anyway - social media admin. It’s a fun job, not gonna lie. I think it’s quite evident that I spend most of my time posting about Lewis’s paddock outfits than anything Mercedes related. For starters, it’s valid to post Lewis because he’s obviously part of the team and secondly, who isn’t waiting to see the Sir Lewis Hamilton fashion week every race weekend ? Am I right..

I think trying to hide my crush or love should I say for Lewis isn’t working considering that some fans have even commented that it’s ‘quite obvious that admin has a soft spot for Lew’. I’m really exposing myself on main. As extroverted as I am, I can’t help but get shy and quite around Lewis, still bold enough to compliment his outfits everyday on race weekends - if I don’t comment, it’s obvious that something is wrong.

I’d like to think that Lewis and I are somewhat best friends considering we spend more time off-track than on-track. However, I’m starting to re-think that seeing how he’s keeping his distance from me. I eventually just had to work up a nerve to just march over to him and ask him what’s wrong. He finished his interviews and he came back into the hospitality. I approached him with a soft smile, “Hey, are you okay ?” I asked softly. “I’m fine” he abruptly said and brushed my shoulder with his as he walked past. I followed behind him and waited till we were in the hallway to speak up again. “I know something is on your mind. You know you can talk to me Lew, I’m always here for you” I said softly.

“(Y/N) I really couldn’t care to talk to you right now ! Can you just leave me alone ?” He said harshly. Thank god no one was around because I probably would’ve died of embarrassment. My smile fell and I felt a pain in my chest. “Sorry” I said lowly and walked away in the opposite direction.

I avoided him for the rest of the day as he asked. This was the first time he ever raised his voice at me and I was quite hurt to say the least. Usually post-race we’d meet up and go out for dinner or just spend the evening talking in either one of our rooms. I didn’t bother waiting for him after I stuck around for the team briefing, I went straight to the hotel and I was ready to go back to England. So much for thinking we could celebrate him racing for 2 more years.

Luckily I didn’t have to change my flight since I was already scheduled to leave for my flight back home at 8PM. Once I was back home and to myself, I noticed Lewis had posted on his Instagram. Low-key saddened to not receive a message from him yet. I guess it’s a sign I need to get out of my deluded space and get over him.

At a time like this not gonna lie that I hated my job because so much for trying to get over Lewis, posting about him on the teams social media is part of the job.

It’s Wednesday and we have a team meeting at the factory. I really wish I could sit this one out but unfortunately I can’t. I smiled at all the familiar faces as I clocked in and was so relieved to see Toto. “Ahh (Y/N) ! I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, you’ve been distant lately” he said as he pulled me in for a hug. “Toto, it’s only been 3 days since the race” I reminded him. “I know, but usually you’re always around after the team briefing on Sundays and even on off days, I hear from you. Everything okay ?” He asked concerned as he had an arm around my shoulder and lead the way.

“Oh yeah everything’s fine, the travelling and the energy from Monza just drained me this weekend. I just needed to de-stress these past few days” I sighed. “Of course, I suggest maybe taking an early holiday to Singapore” he suggested. “Sounds good to me, why don’t you and Susie join me ?” “I’ll let her know and get back to you on that” he smiled as he pats my back. Almost as if on cue, Lewis approached us. “You finally made it” Toto joked. “Sorry I’m late, uncle duties” he shrugged.

I felt so uncomfortable, I wish I could’ve been swallowed up into a hole. “No worries, (Y/N) kept me company” he smiled at me. I glanced up at Toto before stealing a glance at Lewis who was already looking at me with a soft smile.

“Oh, would you look at that, George is here ! Let me just go greet him” I excused myself and walked over to George. “Hey you !” I cheerfully said. “(Y/N/N) ! So good to see you. Carmen and I missed you on Sunday” he said as he then pulled me in for a hug. “Aww sorry I had to take off suddenly, had some things to sort at home” I sighed. “Ahh well we always have the next race weekend” he suggested. “Yeah of course. How’s my bestie doing..where is she ?” I asked. I could literally feel a pair of eyes burning at the back of my head. “She’s at home. You should stop by later if you have time” he smiled. “Aww that’s sweet. Thanks for the offer, I’ll try” I smiled back and just then we were disrupted to gather everyone for the factory meeting.

I don’t know why my brain told me to look back…and I actually did. Of course, it’s Lewis looking right at me. I ignored him and walked past him with George by my side.

After the factory meeting, both George and Lewis practiced ahead of Singapore on the simulator. Our team photographer, Steve, had then sent me the pictures he took for today for me to post onto the team socials. I was in my own cubicle, organising posts and captions until I heard a “hey !” from behind me. “Heyy !” I enthusiastically replied. I turned around on my chair to be faced with Lewis.

“Oh. It’s you” I said as my smile dropped. “Ahh you’re never this disappointed to see me and you’re so distant lately” he said causally. “Are you forgetting what you told me on Sunday ? You said and I quote I couldn’t care to talk to you right now, leave me alone !” I whisper yelled. “Can we talk somewhere more private ?” He motioned to the room a few metres away. I rolled my eyes and followed behind him. “Look (Y/N/N)..I’m really sorry for the way I acted. It was immature and uncalled for. I should’ve never taken my anger out on you... It’s unfortunate that I hurt those that I love and care for, you deserve better” he said as he took a step closer and held my hands in his.

I sighed, “Lew, it’s okay.. I get it. It’s normal to get upset, no one is expected to be happy all the time. You had a bad race, and it is what it is…you’re forgiven” “Those words just made my day. I didn’t know how to message you because I felt bad, and I needed to see you in person to get everything off my chest” he cleared his throat and had a more serious expression. “You made me realise a lot in these few days we were apart… I’m in denial about my feelings” he huffed. “Okay ? Lew I’m not getting you” I raised a brow in confusion. “Life isn’t complete without you in it. Not hearing your laugh or seeing you and that beautiful smile that lights up the room made me realise what I’m missing… I’m falling in love with you (Y/N)” he softly said with a smile.

My heart was racing. I could feel my hands getting clammy. I was at a loss for words. “Please say something” he softly said. “I’m sorry I’m just speechless. This is so surreal. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve been in denial about my feelings for a while, I tried to convince myself that the less I see you then the better… but I couldn’t. You made it so hard for me when you look so fine, and I have to post pictures of you -“ I rambled. “Did you just call me fine ?” He smirked and raised a brow. “Did I ? Oh my god. I- ugh you’re making this hard” I pouted as I noticed his eyes went from making eye contact to subtly switching to my lips.

I didn’t even have time to realise what was going on until I felt the butterflies. He cupped my cheek and placed his lips on mine. I kissed back and placed a hand around his neck to pull closer. “Lewis, have you seen-“ the door burst opened by George. I broke away and felt embarrassed by getting caught in the act. “Found her. Uhm sorry to interrupt, was going to ask if you’re coming over (Y/N/N) but seems like you already have plans” George winked. “Righttt see yourself out mate” Lewis motioned to the door. “Lew !” I playfully hit his chest. “See you love birds around” George said lastly before leaving. Momentarily, Lewis and I turned to look at each other. “So, your place or mine ?” He smirked

[haikyu-mp4]

Little big dreams

word count; 1645 – f!reader

You’re not sure when you started noticing Tenma Udai, but you made it his problem from then on. It wasn’t because of volleyball, you barely went to any of those games.

To the volleyball team, he was the little giant, their reliable ace. To you, he was just Tenma – a good-looking kid who rewatched his games in class and tried to hide it from the teacher.

The teacher had no idea what trouble she was causing when she paired you with Tenma for classroom duty. It introduced you to his prickly nature, which you learned you enjoyed challenging.

“Hey, Lil Biggie!” you greeted him every morning, making him lift the broom as if to hit you while you laughed loudly and ran away.

“It’s Little Giant!”

After that week had passed, your head kept turning his way, and you asked some friends if the volleyball team had anything particularly draining on their schedule lately. The reason? Tenma looked like he had been through hell and back, the bags under his eyes growing darker each day.

And it concerned you. Annoyingly enough.

One evening, your club ended early and you made your way to the gym, sneaking around the corner to catch a glimpse of their practice game. To your surprise, Tenma walked out before you even got to the door, angrily marching over to the lockers and smacking his forehead against them. It made you freeze, stuck watching him as he breathed heavily and the sweat ran down his neck.

“Tenma,” you called, walking over slowly and resting a hand softly on his shoulder. It was one of the few times you said his name without any funny addition to make it a nickname, and it was just enough to make him tilt his head to where his gaze met yours.

Your lips formed a line as you eyed him, not sure what to say. You had no idea what could have made him so stressed, unaware of the pressure of being an ace.

He regained his calm and nodded as if you had a silent conversation by just staring at each other. Grabbing your hand, he pulled it off his shoulder and squeezed it gratefully before returning to practice.

You didn’t see much of him outside the classroom anymore, and your friends started teasing you for seeming to have a soft spot. A crush? Pfft, stupid.

Then one morning, a piece of paper was folded up on your desk and you frowned, looking around before picking it up. Everyone else was already rushing to their seats as the teacher walked inside, and you had to hide it behind your notebook to open in secret.

It was a drawing of you, within a square resembling a manga panel, and you tilted your head in curiosity. You had to admit it was a pretty drawing, and the two little hearts drawn over your head made your ears feel warm.

Who was it from?

You looked at Tenma wide-eyed as his eyes were locked on his shoes with a frown. “You want me to tutor you?”

“What great hearing you have,” he mumbled.

“Oy, don’t get an attitude with me now. You haven’t talked to me in a while, I’m surprised.”

“I can’t go to training camp if I don’t pass the next exams.” You hummed in understanding.

“Putting too much time into the club, are we Lil’ Big?”

“Teacher said you’re the only one with an open spot so late in the year, idiot.”

“She’s right.” You got up and hiked your bag up on your shoulder. “Got time now?”

“An hour until practice.” He followed you as you exited the classroom, intending to find a spot by the library.

“Excellent.”

Tenma was by no means a difficult student. You sat down with him and looked at some previous exams to see which topics he struggled with the most, and it seemed like he might have been too tired or distracted for a couple of lessons, probably also forgoing homework some days.

So you set a plan to do a quick version of each lesson he had slept through, and then have him do the tasks for that topic with your guidance until he could do them on his own. You two would sit together pretty much every day until his practice started. Some days he would even bring you a drink from the vending machine, and you were reminded why you liked being around him.

You stretched your arms upwards, glancing over at his paper to see his pencil had moved from the question to some blank space in the corner. Silently, you leaned closer, looking over his shoulder as he drew what looked like zombies on a volleyball court. “I didn’t know you were so good at drawing.”

He jumped, elbow accidentally bumping into your rib, making him abruptly scoot away while you clutched the impact point. “Shit, why would you scare me like that?”

“You muppet, I gave you a compliment,” you groaned, pulling the paper towards you and flipping to the previous page, where he had also fit in a couple of drawings. “Are the topics getting easier for you?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “You’re a good teacher or whatever.”

You held up a finger heart that made him cringe. “You’re such a sweetheart.” And the blush on his cheeks was visible from a mile away.

You kept spending those same hours together, but instead of studying, you started spending more time just hanging out. A fun game of him drawing whatever crazy prompts you came up with started, and it made you laugh every time.

As he walked to the bathroom one time, you pursed your lips and picked up his book, flipping to the back pages where you had noticed he drew while you were in class sometimes. Not that you stare at him in class or anything.

You found the hidden drawings, only to realise you were staring at yourself. He had drawn you repeatedly on these pages, from reading with your friends to laughing at his drawings. Your cheeks felt especially warm as you noticed the doodle of you in a jersey with his number on it, holding two thumbs up in encouragement.

Does Tenma… like you?

A door opened in the distance and you smacked the book closed, only to realise it was someone else. Phew, need some time to cool down.

You ran over to Tenma after the game, the rush of the moment making you pull him into a tight hug as you cheered. “I have no idea how this game works but I think you did so well!”

His arms held around you too, swaying you a bit as you didn’t let go right away. “I got blocked a lot, but the team pulled through in the end.” Some guys from the team watched the interaction, which he noticed over your shoulder. Tenma hesitated before kissing your temple and pulling away from the hug.

You looked at each other, smiling and somehow having another one of those silent conversations before the other players pulled him along to celebrate.

“I don’t want to play volleyball professionally.”

“Thought you loved volleyball,” you answered, but you weren’t surprised by his resolution at all.

“It’s fun. It’s fine…”

“What would you like to do instead?” Tenma hummed under his breath in thought.

“I like drawing. Writing stories. Making people feel something. Making you laugh.”

“Ever considered writing a manga?” you asked, looking over to where he was looking at internships related to drawing.

“That’s a distant dream, probably. Would you read it?” he asked back, turning to you.

“Only if you make the women super cool.”

You sighed dramatically as you walked into your apartment, hoping Tenma could hear it from wherever he was. What a hard day at work it had been, but you knew you couldn’t rest yet. “Udai?”

“In here!” he called, nudging the bathroom door open with his foot and smiling at you. “Can you do my hair?”

You shrugged your blazer off and threw it over a chair in the living room before walking over to him and taking the brush. Running it through his long hair, you noticed how high his shoulders were. “Nervous?”

“Not at all.” You laughed, picking up a hair tie and looking in the mirror to adjust the front of his hair before tying it up.

His eyes met yours with a soft look and lips pressed together in a line. “Akaashi will be there too,” you noted, moving your hands from his hair to his shoulders to massage them.

“Right, and he brought Bokuto as his plus one.” He suddenly went wide-eyed and turned around to you. “Speaking of plus ones, why haven’t you started getting ready?” he practically squealed, carefully pushing you towards the door and the rest of the way to the bedroom, while you laughed your lungs out at his antics.

“It’ll be fine! I just need to freshen up and change. All your new nerd fans will only be watching you anyways,” you said, pecking his lips before you walked to the closet to change.

You proudly held his arm at the event, helping him relax and connect with the readers as he introduced the world to his first manga.

Halfway through the event, he walked up on stage, holding a copy of the book in one hand as he adjusted a strand of hair from his face to behind his ear with the other. “First of all, I want to thank the woman who stuck with me through my high school emo phase, my busy intern phase and my troubled writer phase. To my gorgeous wife, y/n, who never for a second let me down and always makes me feel like I can breathe, thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

masterlist

[hischierswhore]

FOR THE BETTER | chapter 2

✰ warnings: mentions of alcohol, drunk jack hughes

✰ nat’s note: i’m back once again! thank u all for the love you have showed chapter 1, it’s truly appreciated.

✰ additional note: there are 2 insta posts that align with this chapter! click on the masterlist link below to view them 🤍

✰ masterlist

february 24th 

“Sing that verse again” Julian said. He was one of the producers on your upcoming album, and you were currently recording the first single. 

“Break my heart & I swear I’m movin on, with your, favorite athlete!” You sang, trying to sound as melodic as possible. 

“Perfect!” Julian said as he removed his headphones and headed into the booth to go over some things with you. Jack, Luke & Quinn were all sitting on the couch nearby, watching you record the song. 

When you stepped back into the room with the boys, you wanted to know their thoughts. 

“Sooo do you guys like it?” You asked, afraid of what your brothers would say.

“I really like the chorus. Super vibey, you know?” Luke got up and started dancing a little before Quinn yanked him back down. 

“It’s got a good message. So far it’s my favorite” Jack said, to which you replied “It’s the only song I’ve recorded, Jack”

“Okay well it’s insanely good, Y/n/n. We’re very proud of you” Quinn smiled from his seat. 

“Thanks guys. Also don’t feel like you’re being held hostage in here. Feel free to go out and do your own thing. I’ll be fine” You gave the boys a light grin and each their own hug as they decided to head to the rink to get some practice in. 

Later on that evening, after spending the entire day at the studio planning out concepts for a music video, you went back to the apartment you shared with your brothers. Quinn was leaving in the morning, as he had to go back to Vancouver. 

Yes, the breakup sucked and you wished you hadn’t gone through it at all, but you were doing a lot better than you thought you’d be. Spending most of your free-time writing new songs or recording melodies that pop into your head at random points throughout the day. 

Your brothers were always concerned for you, seeing as this was your first true heartbreak, but you were handling it better than they thought. You seemed happier, which your brothers all missed because you were always so full of energy. 

Just as you were writing in your room, someone had knocked on your door, presumably Jack letting you know that dinner was ready. You placed your journal down and made your way to open the door. Jack stood there, admiring the doorframe as he waited for you. 

“First, dinner’s almost ready. Secondly, there’s a gala next month that all the players must attend. They said we could each bring a plus one, and I know you haven’t really been out in a while since you’ve been writing so if you want to come with me & Luke, you’re more than welcome to” Jack smiled at you, truly hoping you’d say yes because he hated seeing you locked up in your room and avoiding social interaction. 

You’d lived in New Jersey for a while now, but you never made the effort to meet your brothers’ teammates. It would be a nice change of scenery. 

“Why not, sounds nice” You smiled as you accepted Jack’s invitation. 

“As long as it’s not within the next week because I’ll be filming the new music video”

“No no it’s not. I think it’s like the 16th or something”

“Okay great. I’ll free my schedule”

march 16th

After much assistance from your stylist, you decided to wear a black sheer Givenchy dress. It adorned your features perfectly, and you felt like the most stunning woman in the world. 

Due to your brothers being actual players on the team, they were required to walk the red carpet. You were just behind them, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. Afterall, it was your first time meeting the team so naturally you wanted to set a good first impression. You took some solo pictures and made your way into the venue.

As you followed your brothers so they could introduce you to everyone, one man in particular caught your eye from across the room. He had a white dress shirt on, his suit jacket discarded somewhere in the room. He made eye contact with you over his glass of wine before directing his attention back to the man infront of him. 

Your mind stayed on the mystery man all night, eyes scanning the room every now and then in hopes of making eye contact once more but unfortunately, he’d disappeared from your line of sight. Turning your attention back to Luke and his teammate Dawson, trying to actually make friends with a few of these guys. 

Just when you were about to head to the restroom, you felt an arm sling around your shoulders. You turned to find Jack, who appeared to be a tad bit drunk, with 2 men following right behind him. 

“Y/n, this is Jesper & Nico. Nico & Jesper, this is Y/n” Your brother slurred. Jesper reached out and you shook his hand. Jesper was extremely sweet and easy to talk to. When you looked over at the other name, your heart dropped. It was the man you’d made eye contact with earlier. 

“Pleasure to meet you” He said, his voice nearly making you fall to your knees. The damn accent literally made you weak in the knees for a moment. You were lost in his eyes for a moment, taking in all his features before being pulled back into reality.

You noticed his hand was out, just as Jesper’s was, for you to shake. Your face flushed bright pink the moment your hands made contact. You looked to the ground in attempt to hide your blush at the simple action. You smiled at the man before excusing yourself, desperately needing to go the the restroom to get yourself together. 

The second you were behind closed doors, you braced yourself on the sink, holding onto it for support. This felt completely different from what you’d felt in the past. You had butterflies in the pit of your stomach from the second you walked in. 

This couldn’t be happening, at least not now. You’d spent the past month and a half putting up walls, making it extremely difficult for you to trust anyone, and Nico waltzes into your life and makes them crumble within seconds. 

You didn’t want a relationship right now, but Nico made that extremely difficult. All with just a single look. 

taglist: @lovelynikol16 @dancerbailey3 @ashloveshockey

[disaster-writer]

Poison (Part 3/4)

Pairing: Alpha!Bokuto Koutarou x Beta!Reader

Summary: You loved love, but it wasn’t made for you… but maybe a certain Alpha could change your mind

Word Count: 6.4k

AU: Omegaverse

Part 1 Part 2

7am

”Take me to work with you again!” Ami pounced on you as soon as your alarm went off.

For the second day in a row.

”Amiiii,” you groaned, face down into your pillow, “Get off!” You threw an arm behind you to try and push her off but she easily caught it. “Why do you want to go again anyway,” you grumbled into your pillow.

”Because I want to watch all the hot alphas practice again!” She chirped. “It’s not fair you get to hog them to yourself!”

”I’m not hogging anyone! They’re my coworkers!” You yelled into the pillow, “Now will you get off!”

”Only if I can come!”

You sighed, blinking the sleepy blurriness from your eyes. “They’re doing weight training in the weight room today. I’m gonna be in my office organizing schedules and in meetings all day. You’re gonna be bored.”

”I won’t be bored!”

* * * *

“Im boreeeeed,” Ami whined, sinking into the chair she was in, almost falling off of it.

”That’s what I tried to tell you,” you all but growled while typing up a list of repairs that need to take place in the gym into a spreadsheet.

”I thought I’d be able to hang out with the Alphas.”

You rolled your eyes, stopping your typing momentarily, “Yeah cause that makes sense. The manager is gonna be hiding away in her office all day while her sister is ogling the Alphas while they’re supposed to be working. Makes perfect sense!” You scoffed.

She only grumbled something under her breath before climbing to her feet and dragging them over to your bookshelf.

Your office was so boring, she had thought.

At home your house was so colorful and loud in a way that was so aesthetically pleasing and thought out but here you had boring plain walls, with a boring plain desk, and boring plain chairs.

Honestly how Bokuto found any interest in you at all when this was how you presented yourself to the world was beyond her.

She pouted staring at the book case, “Even your books are boring— where’s the manga?”

”At home. Where you should’ve stayed.”

”What do you want to do after work today? What’s cool to do around here?”

”I’m five seconds away from kicking you out.”

”Alright fine, I’ll look for a fun place we can go eat at after— maybe we can catch a movie too!”

You exhaled a sharp breath through your nose and stood up, your seat sliding out from under you. 

You marched your way towards your sister and grabbed her upper arm, “I know this is a little vacation for you,” you dragged her to the door of your office, “But I have work to do.”

You swung the door open, about to toss her out when you came face to chest with Bokuto.

You looked up at your co-worker who had a fist poised that was ready to knock on your door.

”Bokuto-san?” You furrowed your brow, “We don’t have any scheduled meetings right now, shouldn’t you be in the weight room?” You asked, grip slackening on your sisters arm.

He grinned widely as usual, “Coach called lunch!”

”Right, so,” Ami started, pulling her arm from your grasp, “I need to use the restroom! Bye!” She chirped, scampering down the hallway.

You rolled your eyes at your sister— you were sure she thought she was being little miss matchmaker again like she was back in high school.

Well that wouldn’t work this time— you were determined it wouldn’t. In high school she knew all the Alphas and had each one of them wrapped around her finger but here you were the one in charge. If she thought leaving you alone with a coworker that you saw almost every day and have spent the last two years learning everything about was going to force you two to date, then she had another thing coming.

Besides… it simply wouldn’t be professional.

You shook your head slightly, shaking the thought of murdering your sister from your mind, “Anyway— what can I help you with Bokuto-san?”

”I brought something for you!” He exclaimed, holding a bag up.

Right.

This again.

”Bokuto-san I don’t know how else to explain it to you— is that mille fueille?” 

Your eyes nearly widened to the size of dinner plates at the sight of the cake Bokuto pulled out of the bag in a clear cake container.

Bokuto grinned at the sound of your sudden excitement. 

“It is! I made it for you!”

In reality Bokuto’s sisters had mostly made the cake while Bokuto ranted about everything Ami had told him about you to them. A similar routine as they had made every bento that Bokuto had given you to help their poor dense brother out while convincing him that he was truly the chef… or baker in this case.

You continued to stare at the cake, mouth already starting to water as you partially registered Bokuto’s words, “But uh— how— how’d you know this is my favorite?” You asked, still distracted by the cake. You reached out to grab the container. 

“Intuition!” He declared proudly.

It was the first dessert on the list Ami gave him. 

“I can have the whole thing?” You asked in wonder.

”Of course! It’s for you! I also got you something else.”

You looked up as Bokuto rifled through the bag and pulled something out for you, presenting them to you as he had with the cake.

”What are these?” You asked, picking up the fabric in his hands. You unfolded it, “Kneepads?”

”I got you a matching pair to mine! They’re extra long just like my kneepads!”

And suddenly multiple things hit you at once like a bag of bricks over the head.

You took in a shaky breath as an intense heat filled up your face and you just knew every drop of blood in your body decided to travel to your head.

You nervously cleared your throat, no longer able to look Bokuto in the eye, “And— and what exactly would I need kneepads for?”

“For your volleyball games!”

”…Right.”

You were going to wring Ami’s fucking neck.

But another thought overshadowed your desire to kill your sister in that moment.

Bokuto Kotarou was courting you.

You stared at the items that you held.

Your favorite cake that he made for you. A pair of matching kneepads for your volleyball games.

Bokuto gave you these.

An Alpha gave you these because he was interested in a relationship with you, a Beta.

And if that wasn’t enough, “I was told that I should finally come out and say it,” he sucked in a large breath of air, “I have been courting you for nine months now Miss Manager, I would like to take you out on a date.”

Your knees felt weak.

”Beta-chan?” Bokuto asked you curiously as you had suddenly gone so quiet, suddenly a little nervous now for your rejection even though Ami said there was no way you’d turn him down.

Your heart thundered in your chest as you slowly looked up from the gifts and at Bokuto.

It was like you were seeing him for the first time.

And you could practically see animated hearts floating around his head as an overwhelming anxiety came over you that you had never experienced in his presence before.

‘No, no, no, no, this is so fucking bad. I can’t pursue a relationship with him— he’s my coworker. And he’s an Alpha, we’re both simply incompatible. It would never work— I’m gonna fucking kill Ami when I see her- okay well maybe one date wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, Bokuto’s always been so sweet—‘

”Thank you for the gifts!” You suddenly shouted before slamming the door in his face.

Your back hit the door and you slowly slid down it in despair. 

“You’re welcome Miss Manager!” You heard him cheer from the other side, clearly not hurt in the slightest at having the door slammed in his face. “I’ll ask you out again tomorrow!” He added, clearly not dissuaded as you technically didn’t reject him and you did accept his gifts.

‘Why do I feel like I’m back in high school all of a sudden!?’ You cried in your head.

But this was the reality of the situation.

Bokuto was courting you.

And you suddenly had a crush.

You were pushed forward as Ami opened the door on you.

”What are you doing down there?” She asked, peering down at you from around the door, “Where’d Bokuto go—ah!”

”You bitch!” You shrieked, yanking on her leg and knocking her out from under herself before pinning her to the ground, “You’re playing matchmaker again! I told you to stop interfering with my love life!”

Ami managed to get you off balance, rolling you over and pinning you instead, “You needed the interference!” She yelled, “And I told you he was courting you! He just needed a push in the right direction!”

”And what am I supposed to do now!? It’s not like I can actually go out with him!”

”What? Why not?” She whined. 

“I work with him, that’s why!”

”Yeah, I looked into that and there isn’t a rule saying you two can’t date.”

”Wha— Yeah, well—“ you spluttered, “Just— stay out of my love life!— ah!” You yelped as your Apple Watch buzzed. Your eyes widened, “Get off! I have a meeting starting!” You managed to shove her off and scramble back into your office.

* * * *

Ami knew you were pissed when you refused to talk to her for the rest of the day— even when she was purposefully being annoying.

Hours upon hours of meetings had passed, hours of scheduling, hours of calling repair men and whoever the fuck else you needed to call… Ami lost track after falling asleep on your office floor.

And then Ami knew you were really pissed when you still didn’t talk on the way home.

In fact, you didn’t address her properly until you reached your house.

”Alright,” you scoffed the second the front door slammed closed. You turned to look at her, throwing your briefcase to the ground, “What did you tell him?”

She only grinned, her little canines poking out, “Mille fuille is your favorite isn’t it~” she lilted.

”Okay so you told him my favorite dessert and that I play volleyball. What else?” You crossed your arms.

She tilted her head as if to ponder what it was, before she snapped her fingers, “I told him you have a stripper  pole.”

”HAH!?” you shrieked, “You really told him that!?

”I did!” She chirped, “Along with a buncha other shit about you. I made sure that he got a full comprehensive view of you and I gave him pointers on how to court a Beta. And see how much better he did with my meddling!” She cheered.

You shook your head in exasperation, “Oh this can’t be happening.”

”But it is!” She exclaimed, jumping onto your back. “Isn’t that exciting! True love!”

You pushed her off, quickly spinning around and grasping her shoulders, “Okay, um,” you stammered, trying to organize the tornado of thoughts violently flying around your head, “Bokuto like— he actually likes me?”

”Duh.”

”No but like— he like likes me? Bokuto, an Alpha, not just any kind of Alpha but like top tier Alpha wants to date me? A Beta.”

Ami shrugged, “I’m just as shocked as you are.”

”Okay but why?”

”Oh right!” She suddenly slapped you.

You held your cheek, “What was that for!?”

”For not telling me a fucking Alpha scented you.”

”Huh?” You stared at her in utter confusion until it dawned on you. Last seasons final game. “Oh that? That was nothing.”

”Clearly not because the guys had an emotional hard on for you for nearly a year— and probably a physical one to if you think about it.”

”Shut up,” you shrieked, your face flushing, “Stop talking about Bokuto having a hard on!”

”Ohohoh,” Ami wiggled her eyebrows at you, “Does that make you embarrassed~” she teased, “You know both his stamina and power is at a 5?”

”Of course I know that, why do you know that?”

”I looked him up of course! Had to see what my baby sister was getting into! Or I guess who would be getting into her~” she wiggled her eyebrows again.

”Okay, stop it! That’s not funny!” You held your face which was now burning to the touch with your furious blush. “He’s really liked me since then?”

”Yup!”

”Oh God,” you started pacing back and forth again, “He probably thinks I’m an idiot!”

”Actually out of the two of you, he’s remarkably the idiot.”

”What do you mean?” You stopped your pacing to look at her, “I know he’s not exactly the brightest but I feel like with something like this—“

”No, he’s an idiot, trust me,” she said, “I don’t think I’ve ever met an Alpha so blindly loyal to someone without being in a relationship first. I gotta say, I’m a little jealous sis. That man is in deep.”

”You’re lying— I would have noticed—“

”Hellooo, anyone home?” She knocked on your head, “Of course you haven’t— he’s been courting you like you were an Omega. See, he’s sweet, but that man is stupid. But don’t worry about that, the dumb one’s are usually the best in bed.”

”No. This is ridiculous,” you shook your head, “I can’t possibly go out with Bokuto Koutarou— it’s Bokuto— professional athlete Bokuto— 6 foot 2 Bokuto… Alpha Bokuto…” you trailed off in a daze before rapidly shaking your head from that train of thought, “No it’s not happening.”

”Why nottttt,” she whined.

”Because it just can’t.” You said, “Now, I’m gonna take a long hot bath and when I come out we are putting all of that to rest and never speaking about Bokuto again, okay?”

Ami lifted a brow, staring at you unconvincingly. She knew her sister and she knew this subject would be beating a dead horse by the end of the night.

”Sure. Whatever you say~”

* * * *

You did well. You were proud of yourself.

You had managed to go the entire night without talking about the man that hadn’t left your mind.

But God, was that difficult.

You liked Bokuto. He was good energy to have around at work and he was always so sweet and friendly with everyone. The fans loved him for more than just his skills just because his personality was larger than life.

The man was truly a star.

But holy shit… he was a star that just so happened to want to take you out on a date.

You tossed and turned in bed that night. You stayed up for a while watching your favorite romance movies with Ami all the while refusing to engage with her and her teasing.

But now you couldn’t sleep.

Not when you pictured yourself in the lead role from your favorite movie and Bokuto as the love interest, determinedly pursuing her because he was so in love.

You sat up in bed. Your hair was a mess from all the tossing and turning and Mochi had abandoned you for the floor a while ago.

You quickly found yourself scrambling out of bed, grabbing your cat, and stumbling down the stairs to the guest room.

Quietly sneaking in and avoiding anything you could make out in the night, you found yourself in front of Ami’s sleeping form.

”Ami.” You whispered, “Ami— Ami— Hey!”

Ami shot up in a fright, spooking Mochi in your arms who clawed her way out of your hold, forcing you to drop her.

You frowned, staring at the thin, red scratches on your hand, “Ow…”

”What are you doing!” Ami panted, turning the night table lamp on. “You look crazy.” She said breathlessly, eyeing your wild hair and frantic look in your eyes.

”So uh—“ you started twiddling your fingers, hunched over your sister, “What has Bokuto said about me…?” You asked awkwardly, cursing yourself for sounding so high school.

A devious little grin grew on Ami’s face and she tugged you onto the bed.

”So you do want to date him!”

”I’m not saying that!” You yelped, “I just— I wanna know what he’s been saying.” You blushed. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but guys don’t typically get crushes on me.”

Ami giggled such a girlish and excited laugh, you really did think for a minute that you’d been transported back to high school. “Well he seems to think you smell really good,” she giggled again as you blushed.

”If I knew he was scenting my shit I would’ve made sure to do laundry more often,” you groaned, “Or at least worn more perfume.”

”Oh don’t be silly, Alphas are more interested in natural scents anyway. Besides he’s been trying to decode yours for like ever it sounds like.”

”Decode?”

”Yeah dummy. He thinks there’s more to you that he doesn’t know about. Whyever he would think that is beyond me,” she remarked sarcastically, “You’re just oh so transparent with your coworkers.” She glared.

”I’m the perfect amount of transparent, thank you very much,” you crossed your arms.

”You don’t even go to team parties,” she deadpanned, “Have they even seen you outside of your pantsuits and tracksuits?”

”No, and they don’t need to. I have an entire team of Alphas that respect me.”

”Oh give me a break,” she rolled her eyes, “They’re not gonna lose respect for you by seeing you in a nice dress at a work party and letting your hair down a bit— and I mean that literally and figuratively— they haven’t even seen you with your hair down for goodness sakes.”

”I know that,” you huffed.

”Then what are you so afraid of!” She exclaimed in exasperation. 

You pouted, beginning to pick at your nail, murmuring something under your breath.

”What?” She asked with a confused expression, straining to hear you.

”It’s just—“ you stopped yourself, rubbing your suddenly clammy hands on your pajama pants, “Every time I try to be myself around Alphas or Omegas, I’m always let down… people don’t exactly like me, y’know.”

”That’s not true—“

”You don’t count,” you snapped, “It’s like there’s always been this divide between me and everyone else. I can’t relate to them and they can’t relate to me— it’s like we’re on completely different wave lengths. Why do you think my siblings are my best friends?”

”Well I thought it was because you liked us.”

”Tch.” You tsked, “I do… I guess I’m just tired and afraid of being rejected.”

“Then date Bokuto,” she said, clasping your hands now, a shine in her eyes as she leaned in, “I’m telling you, you guys are perfect for each other. You’re both so delightfully weird and fun to be around, and he genuinely likes you. He told me he thinks you’re really pretty and I can’t even begin to explain how excited he was to finally learn more about you. And he’s so nice—“

”You just met him,” you scoffed.

”Yeah and unlike you he actually is transparent. But it would be good for you! You deserve to be happy!”

You sighed, pulling your hands from hers to rake them through your hair, “I’ll— well I guess I already have been thinking about it. But this month is so fucking crazy already— we have a game against the Adlers this week and a huge press conference and those are always a nightmare to manage, not to mention all the sponsors that have been breathing down my neck—“

”I get it, you’re busy” she cut you off, “But you’re always gonna have something to blame putting your love life on hold, so will you actually think about it.”

”Yeah— Yeah I will,” you said, looking at her with determination now. 

“Good. Now go to bed, you have work in the morning.”

”Yeah. By the way, you’re banned from coming back,” you said, standing up.

”What? Why?”

”Two days babysitting you was enough. You don’t have to stay here but you can’t come with me to work, and I promise we’ll do something fun when I come back.”

Ami pouted, grumbling under her breath as you left the room.

* * * *

The following morning you had woken up to your alarm and just your alarm today. 

Fumbling for your phone in your bedsheets you quickly turned off the alarm, before laying back with a sigh.

That had to have been one of the most unproductive nights of “sleeping” you’ve had in a while.

You just couldn’t stop thinking about Bokuto and all his gifts and everything he told you yesterday— you were losing your mind.

It was funny too, back when you were a teenager you would’ve jumped head first into a relationship with an Alpha that so proudly declared his feelings for you. You wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

But you weren’t that young Beta anymore.

You’ve chosen to put your career before a relationship, so mixing the two was always out of the question.

On top of that, and more glaringly… you were a Beta. 

You two weren’t and would never be compatible biologically, hell, you hadn’t even noticed he was courting you for nine months.

But at the same time Bokuto was so sickeningly sweet and kind. Anybody would be lucky to have him as a mate.

You grabbed the pillow next to you, placed it over your head and screamed, spooking Mochi in the process.

You then pulled yourself out of your bed to start your day.

Standing in front of your closet, you had a conundrum. You had a few phone calls to make today but for the most part your plan was to watch practice.

On the one hand you could wear your tracksuit and spend the majority of your day in the gym like you planned or, you could wear a pantsuit and hide all day in your office like a little bitch just so you didn’t have to embarrass yourself in front of the team and Bokuto.

You knew yourself too well. Any professional facade you were able to maintain will be immediately crumbling upon talking or even seeing Bokuto for the forseeable future.

You grabbed your pantsuit.

It’s official, today would be the first you were shirking out on responsibility.

When you had opened your door after changing, you were immediately tackled to the ground.

”Amiiii,” you whined, “You’re gonna give me a concussion one day,” you glared at her grinning face above you.

”Soooo,” she dragged out.

”Whaaat?” You asked, mimicking her tone uneasily.

”Are you gonna go out with Bokuto!? Duh!?”

”I don’t know,” you huffed, “It’s all very confusing and we have a game tomorrow, I can’t get distracted right now!”

”I thought we talked about this last night!? Excuses!”

”Yeah, well, when the excuse is literally not even a day away then I’ll take that advice. Now off,” you wriggled beneath her.

”Booo,” she whined, rolling off, “Why do you make things so difficult.”

”I’ll stop making things difficult when life’s not difficult,” you stood up. “Now let me finish getting ready.”

You moved about your apartment as you readied yourself for the day, following your routine as always until you eventually found yourself at the doors to the gym.

Fuck— you don’t remember ever being this nervous going to work… not even on your first day.

You peaked through the windows of the doors. Some of the players were out stretching already but no sign of Bokuto.

Perfect.

You’d be in and out. You’d wave to the players, say good morning to coach and tell him you’ll be in your office all day, and you’ll be out.

A lump formed in your throat knowing you were about to lie to him.

But it was time to quit stalling, waiting any longer out here meant giving more time for Bokuto to finish getting ready in the locker room and coming out.

You braced yourself, walking into the gym. You waved to the players like you did every morning and walked straight to Samson.

”Morning coach.”

”Good morning Miss Manager,” he greeted, “Another day in the office huh?”

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “Yeah, I’ll try to stop by and watch practice later but I’m swamped today.”

He nodded in understanding, “No worries if you can’t though. It seems everyone’s busy with tomorrow’s match.”

”Right, well I’ll let you get to it, call me if you need anything.”

”Same goes for you.” 

You nodded, turning to walk away.

Alright. Okay. Everything was fine. 

You managed to lie straight through your teeth without any suspicion. And still no sign of Bokuto.

A sigh of relief escaped your parted lips as your hands came into contact with the cool metal of the door handle.

”BETA-CHANNN!!!”

Your heart plummeted.

As expected, a second later you were being swept off your feet and cradled in two very large arms.

And shit— it actually felt nice this time.

Your brain felt like mush all of a sudden.

”Did you like the mille fuille?” He asked excitedly.

“I-I did,” you stammered— was it always hot in here? Did you need to find a repair man for the a/c too? “It was very yummy.”

Yummy? What the fuck were you saying?

Bokuto cheered excitedly, “I made you something else today too, but I’ll give it to you later. Ami told me you don’t like public attention,” he ‘whispered’.

Speaking of which… your eyes glided over the gym full of Alphas all staring at you both.

”The knee pads fit nicely too,” you murmured shyly.

Why the fuck did you say that?

You literally opened your mouth to tell him to let go of you but instead that fucking word vomit came out.

”Bokuto-san, put her down and start stretching,” Samson suddenly shouted.

Oh God.

”Okay!” He answered before placing you down gently to your feet. “I’ll see you later Beta-Chan.”

You nodded, not trusting your voice, and nearly stumbled out of the gym. 

Bokuto ran into the gym giddily, joining Atsumu, Hinata, and Sakusa in their stretches.

Bokuto grinned, humming to himself as all three men stared at him in shock.

”Ami really is Kamisama,” Atsumu said in complete shock.

”What the fuck just happened?” Sakusa deadpanned, complete and utter disbelief dripping from every word.

”That was the first time she didn’t tell you to put her down!” Hinata added, clapping Bokuto on the back.

”Ya know I’ve been tellin’ ya from the start to just fuckin’ ask her out, but nooo. A little Omega comes along and tells ya to do it once and he does it. That’s ’Mega privilege right there.”

”Oh let’s not get started on Omega privilege,” Inunaki groaned, tired of Atsumu’s rants on said topic.

“He’s not even listening,” Sakusa said, watching as Bokuto continued to hum in his own little world.

* * * *

You were sitting underneath your desk.

Why?

You had no fucking clue as to why, all you knew was that you needed to be in a small space or the world was going to end.

Well perhaps that was a tad too dramatic but sitting under here did make you feel a little more sane even if the optics showed otherwise.

You just couldn’t stop thinking about the coach having to tell Bokuto to put you down.

You had been held in his arms long enough for the coach to see you weren’t doing anything about it and having to tell him to put you down himself.

You were going to get fired at this rate.

You haven’t even agreed to anything yet and you were already making a fool of yourself.

You wish you had work. You wish you had anything else to do in your office other than sitting underneath your desk.

He was going to come by here and give you more presents today. 

He said he was going to ask you out again.

What were you going to say.

If you’re already acting like a lovesick idiot how the fuck are you going to continue to be professional in the workplace.

There was that and then there was also… Ushiwaka.

You cursed.

Maybe you wouldn’t be so freaked out about dating Bokuto if he hadn’t gotten in your head all those years ago. 

Alphas and Betas are not compatible.

That’s what he had told you after you asked him out.

And yeah, of course you knew that. You were pretty sure the percent of Alpha/Beta relationships being successful was only like 1.2%. Even then those alphas in those successful relationship had higher omega hormone levels than an Alpha such as Bokuto would have.

Which was why it was even a miracle in and of itself that Bokuto was even interested in you at all.

But that fact wasn’t what deterred you from pursuing Alphas, it never was. 

What did deter you was the rest of what he had said.

You sighed sadly.

You weren’t cut out for this. Of course you wouldn’t be able to give Bokuto what he needs, which is a perfect little omega that he can dote on and take care of. Someone that needed that protection only a strong Alpha such as him could provide.

You couldn’t scent him. You knew he could scent you but that was always an intensely intimate act between two mates and… you can’t do your part. He’d be missing out on a bonding ritual that you knew strong Alphas like him, especially ones who ran purely on instinct, needed.

And as embarrassing as it was, it was also an undeniable reality. What the fuck could you do to help him when he starts to rut.

You already knew the conditions these Alphas worked under. Their off season was hellish.

Taking them off their rut suppressants made for violent and dangerous ruts that even some of their own Omegas told you that they couldn’t help them through it to the end.

You heard Atsumu had to replace every piece of furniture in his bedroom.

You heard Hinata broke down his door when he could smell his Omega neighbor go into heat due to his own rut.

You really weren’t cut out for this.

Maybe if he wasn’t as strong as he was, maybe if he was a lesser Alpha, it’d be different.

But he wasn’t. He, along with the rest of the players, were the top of the pecking order. He went anywhere and other Alphas were submitting to him, recognizing him as the Alpha.

That’s just the way it fucking was.

You didn’t wait for him to come during lunch break. 

You needed more time, this invisible pressure weighed on you like a ton of bricks. You thrived off of having deadlines and schedules, and the fact that you didn’t have a deadline when it came to giving Bokuto your answer was deeply fucking with you.

He’d probably ask you out until he got a straight answer from you for another nine months and that just felt so evil to do— to make such a pure hearted Alpha wait like that all because of this fucking inferiority complex you had. 

You decided to eat out instead when you knew coach would be calling a lunch break. Just a few more hours to think and you’d give him an answer, a real answer so he wouldn’t be wasting his time courting you anymore.

But you already had a feeling you knew what you were going to tell him.

There was a cute little café you went to on occasion. It reminded you of a café back home you used to go to after being rejected and wanting to be alone to wallow in your own self pity.

You just never thought you’d ever go there before contemplating whether or not you’d reject a perfectly suitable and sweet Alpha.

You were grateful for the familiarity of solitude as you sat inside, staring out the window and watching all the passerby’s on the sidewalks… most of which being happy couples, you noted bitterly. 

You had been by yourself like this for so long. You don’t even know what kind of person you’d be in a relationship. 

You couldn’t do it.

Bokuto deserved better.

By the time you finished lunch and made it back to the gym the boys were already hard at work again.

And speaking of work, you had some of your own to actually get to now.

You made the few phone calls you had penned down in your ‘To Do’, gathering details for tomorrow’s match and finalizing the plans.

By the time you were finished it was time to go home.

Packing your bags, there was an eager knock at your door.

You knew who it was.

You sighed, “Come in!”

”Beta-chan!” Bokuto exclaimed, throwing your door open.

He was in such a good mood you finally noticed how dramatically your own mood changed from the flustered, bashful Beta you were this morning.

”Hi Bokuto-san,” you gave him an uneasy smile, trying not to give away how unstable you had felt all day.

”You weren’t in your office for lunch.” He said, coming up to your desk as you packed up your bag.

”Yeah, I… kinda forgot to pack one today,” you lied, your bento was still full, “So I went out for lunch.”

”Oh,” he frowned, “I would have given you mine— I can go back to making bentos for you everyday!” He lit up suddenly at the prospect of caring for you in a way Alphas typically cared for their Omegas.

“No, no, that’s alright,” your voice sounded strained. “Thank you though.”

”I brought the gifts,” Bokuto then said, rifling through his duffle bag. “Here!” He found what he was looking for and gave it to you.

”Dangos?” You bit back a smile, heart fluttering.

”Yeah! And this!” He handed you a box.

Your jaw fell to the floor. It was a rare figure from one of your favorite anime, you looked up to him and stammered, “H-How—“ your stomach dropped.

”Kenma helped me!”

You looked back down to the box and then to the dangos.

”I,” God your heart was fucking pounding, “I can’t accept these,” you murmured, “I’m sorry.”

”But I brought those for you,” he suddenly seemed to deflate, “I want you to have them and I want to ask you out on a date again.”

”But that’s,” you groaned, slumping in your seat, “I can’t date you Bokuto-san.” You stared hard into the floor— you felt like such a fucking bitch, you couldn’t even look at the man that had been pursuing you for nine months while you rejected him.

”Wait— but why,” he pressed both hands against the top of your desk, leaning over it, “You don’t like the gifts?” He asked sadly. “I can get better one’s— I can make you something else—“

“Oh Koutarou,” you murmured sadly.

Bokuto became stiff, all too aware that that was the first time you had ever called him by his first name, without an honorific no less.

“You’re so sweet. You’ve always been so sweet and kind towards me and I want to say yes to you— I want to say yes so bad—“

”Then say yes!” He insisted, lighting up again, “I already have it planned out. There’s that new rom-com coming out on Valentine’s Day that we can go see. Then I’ll take you to a bakery— we can have cake for dinner! Then I’d walk you back home and kiss you at the doorstep just like in the movies— hey, why are you crying?” He lost the boyish excitement in his voice.

He ran around your desk and kneeled in front of you, grabbing both armrests on either side of you. You wiped at your tears furiously, “I’m sorry,” you tried to laugh through the tears, “‘m just emotional I guess.”

It was kind of silly. A few days ago you never even considered that dating Bokuto Koutarou was a possibility, and now here you were, crying over him.

“You’re such a sweetheart Koutarou and I am so sorry for not realizing you liked me sooner. I would have never let it drag on for that long if I had known.”

God, he was just staring at you with these big puppy eyes that just stabbed your heart. 

“Because-Because you like me back?” He sounded so hopeful.

”Because I think this part would have hurt less. I’m not—We’re not compatible,” you said, staring into those puppy eyes, “I can’t give you what you need. You’re such a strong Alpha Koutarou, you need an Omega that’ll know how to take care of you the only way an Omega knows how to. I can’t do that as a Beta.”

”But… I don’t care about things like that. It’s never bothered me that you’re a Beta, I can still be a good Alpha to you— we can figure out how to make it work,” he replied sadly, hand inching towards your own on the armrest. “Does this have to do with Ushiwaka. Ami told us he said something to you back then. She said you stopped pursuing a relationship after his rejection.”

You sighed, of course she told him.

”Yes,” you admitted, “He said some things that at the time really hurt but I think… he was right.”

”How can he be right when what he said is making you so sad.”

You sniffled again, wrapping your arms around Bokuto in a hug, to which he followed suit. You figured professionalism was out the door the moment he asked you out yesterday. “Thank you Koutarou. If… If I was an Omega or even if we met a few years earlier I wouldn’t have even hesitated going out with you. But I just can’t.” 

It hurt knowing that the first man that was offering something you’ve wanted for so long was someone you’d also have to turn down.

”Then I’ll wait until you can.”

“I’m begging you Koutarou, for both our sakes…” you murmured into his shoulder, ”Please don’t.”

You loved love.

”I…” His arms tightened around you, voice dripping in a sadness you hadn’t thought he was even capable of, “Okay, if that’s what you really want then… I’ll stop.”

But it wasn’t meant for you.

————————————————————————

Part 4

Taglist: @staygoldsquatchling02 @tillyt04 @/niiiya @/silverhairsimp

[jessthebaker]

Dieter Does Christmas

For @futuraa-free, Merry Christmas from your Dieter Brainrot Secret Santa with the @dieterbravobrainrotclub!

Many thanks to my lovely betas, @toomanytookas, @bitchwitch1981, @march-flowerr, and to @almostfoxglove for her support with graphics (because I need my hand held when learning new apps). Biggest thank you @sp00kymulderr for setting this all up and being generally wonderful.

Read on AO3

___

Dieter x gn!reader, Reader is not described in any way.

a/n: Dieter is taking his Christmas holidays at home with you, his supportive long-time partner. You spend the day together and take in the Christmassy atmosphere. That’s it, that’s the fluff.

Rating: 18+ for brief mentions of sex and being naughty with Christmas decorations, a hint of alcohol (if you squint) and mentions of past drug use. But really just fluff. It’s all fluff. Dieter is his own warning.

Word count: 3.7k

You wake up early on Saturday. Dieter lays next to you, snoring lightly. It's too soon for him to be awake, but for you, it's normal. Your work schedule requires you to get up by 6am, and Dieter is....well, he doesn't wake up a minute sooner than his call time requires. A morning person he is not. Unfortunately for you, you are so used to being awake by dawn that it's practically impossible to sleep later.

It's been too many days since your work schedules allowed you to sleep in together, and you relish the chance to spend the morning waking up at your own pace. His mouth hangs open slightly as he sleeps deeply, his breath coming out in rhythmic puffs on your face. His morning breath is god-awful, thanks to the super-spiked eggnog you had both indulged in last night. At his suggestion. You don't mind the bad breath though if it means you can be here with him this morning. "For better or for worse", wasn't that how the saying goes?

(Not that you were married, of course. You had both experienced too much pain in past relationships to really ever consider taking that step again. But that didn't mean you weren’t just as devoted to each other, rings or no rings.)

You scan the rest of him, for once having the opportunity to look closely at him without his mischievous grin and self-deprecating jokes pushing your attention away. You love his face. His scruffy beard is growing back in now, after being allowed a hiatus from shaving for two weeks. His soft, full mustache flutters a little as he breathes. His wild hair sticks completely up on one side while matted down flat on the other as his head is pressed into the pillow. You always did like his bedhead. His strong nose makes you smile fondly. His eyes zip back and forth behind his closed eyelids as he dreams. His brow furrows briefly with some emotion, then smooths again as he calms. One of his arms is tucked under his head, elbow crooked. The other arm subconsciously reaches out for you.

Your thoughts turn to the day ahead. You’re already expecting a slow start, with at least two coffees required before Dieter can even think about moving on with the day. You have it all planned out: Go to the nearby shopping center and start scoping out the Christmas decorations. Check out the Christmas market that went up the other day. See if that temporary ice-skating rink has been installed yet. Definitely make sure to stop by your favorite cafe on the way home for some Christmassy treats.

You watch Dee slowly wake up, his eyes gradually blinking open and coming to focus on you. You feel a small smile grow as you brush a stray curl out of his eyes and behind his ear. “Morning, love. Sleep well?”

“Mmmf,” he groans as he shifts and stretches in bed. “I was having a good dream...something about radar devices installed in...chickens? And they were laying shiny rainbowy eggs because the radiation made their eggy organs go haywire.” He stretches again and his eyes brighten. “Now I’m craving eggs! Can you make scrambled eggs? You always make them the best!”

You smile. “Sure, I can do that. Come on, let’s get cleaned up first. Your breath smells like sour eggs, speaking of which...”

He grimaces and closes his eyes again. “Fuuuuck, don’t remind me, that ‘nog was amazing. But if we’d had any more of it last night I wouldn’t have been responsible for the way my ass behaves today.”

After a second he re-opens his eyes and wiggles his eyebrows playfully. “Food time. You coming or what?”

Fifteen minutes later, you’re both in the kitchen trying to stay out of each other’s way as Dieter prepares coffee and you make scrambled eggs and toast. We really aren’t used to being together in the mornings anymore, you think to yourself.

You can’t wait until his current project is done filming, because you know he has a couple of months’ downtime before the next one is slated to begin. You’re looking forward to spending some real time together, not just two weeks over the holidays that always fly by too quickly.

Once food and coffee are ready, you sit together to eat. You spread avocado on your toast while Dieter has his with butter and rainbow sprinkles. This is his favorite way to eat toast, after having been introduced to it by an Australian co-star a few years ago. (“Fairy bread, she called it! Guarantee she’s never actually met a fairy in real life. I want to meet a fairy one day. Where do you think we could go to find fairies? Angeles National Forest has lots of good trees, I bet we could find some fairies around there.”)

Somehow, someway, some time later, you manage to get yourselves out of the house and on the way to your favorite shopping center. As you pull into a space in the busy parking lot, you glance over and can’t help but smile at the look of delight on Dieter’s face. There’s a lot happening, even from out here. There’s a coffee van set up off to one side of the front doors and people are standing around it waiting for their caffeine boost. There’s a small pop-up market with half a dozen stalls lined up on the other side of the doors, their tables groaning with wares to tempt holiday shoppers. You aim yourselves over to these on your way into the shopping center.

You know this will probably take some time because Dieter loves checking out everything. He just has to touch things, picking them up to examine the details more closely. He likes to shake ornaments that look like they might be rattly, and sniffs the ones he thinks might smell pretty. If you didn’t know better, you’d think he had been a raccoon in a previous life.

One stall looks devoted to old-fashioned statues of Santa and Mrs Claus that look hand-carved, while the stall next to it is selling miniature village scenes that look like they’re from the North Pole. Next to them is a stall with a man sitting amongst a display of beanies, mittens, gloves, and scarves. He’s knitting while animatedly chatting to the vendor on his other side selling baubles, so you presume all of his wares are handmade as well. On the end furthest from the coffee van is a stall set up with a large pot steaming with the delicious fragrance of mulled cider. Their neighbour is selling hot cinnamon donuts made fresh to order. You and Dieter walk slowly along, looking at everything and admiring the talent of the artisans. You make a mental note to come back tomorrow and indulge in the cider & donuts – you have other plans in mind for today already.

As you walk into the front doors of the centre, you see a large gilded throne set up against a tall red backdrop in the main foyer, fenced off by a short white picket fence adorned with sparkly red and green garlands. You can see a few staff members dressed as elves getting set up for the Santa photos, slated to open soon. You know Dieter will want to get his photo taken with Santa. You hope Santa is up for the challenge of fitting a grown man on his lap. Last year’s Santa photo didn’t go so smoothly, and you’re sure that at least a few elves regretted coming to work that day.

Once past Santa’s throne, your first stop is the department store with what looks like half the store devoted to Christmas decorations. You start in the aisle of Christmas trees; from full-sized to medium to short, with the miniature glass trees displayed separately on a waist-high shelf. You see the glint in his eyes as he notices one in particular and lifts it up and hefts it, as if testing its weight.

“No Dee, you can't put that up your ass," you forestall his suggestion with a mock roll of your eyes.

He whines a little and pouts, "Are you sure? We should probably get one to try out, just to be sure...." but relents and puts it back where he found it. He doesn’t lose the glint in his eye, though.

The next aisle over is brimming with ornaments of all shapes, colours and sizes. Dieter can't stop looking at them, most of all at the round baubles shimmering with glitter. You can see the sparkles reflected in his eyes, and he looks like a child again, going wide-eyed with the wonder of the season. He looks over at you with a soft grin and reaches for your hand. You share a smile as you interlock fingers and take in the dazzling display in front of you.

The sudden screech of a child having a tantrum a few aisles away reaches your ears. It breaks the contemplative mood and so you move on to the next aisle. This one is full of nutcrackers in quite a few different styles.

There are the traditional ones with the bright red soldier’s uniform, tall black hat, and long white beard. You spot one you haven’t seen before, wearing a dark green uniform, a very short dark beard, and a shock of white hair in its dark brown hair. Unusually, it seems to be missing an arm. You wonder what happened there.

Another nutcracker has fluffy hair, a patchy dark beard streaked with silver and is wearing a khaki jacket and a backpack instead of a cape. It’s also sporting a rifle instead of a traditional sword.

One nutcracker catches your eye that is a bit taller and broader than its fellows, with longer hair and a greying, scruffy beard. It is wearing what looks like a Roman soldier’s uniform, white with gold decorative trim and a beautiful white cape.

Dieter’s entire face lights up as he realises what he’s seeing. He marches down the aisle and pulls up the cape or backpack of every nutcracker to open their mouths. Then he stands back with his arms crossed and ponders the scene with a serious look on his face.

"You know, they really should have a bowl of nuts around here somewhere so you can test the jaw strength. Oh! Do you think i could - "

"NO, Dee, you cannot try the nutcrackers out on yourself!" You can’t help but giggle at the look of innocent outrage on his face.

“I wasn’t thinking about MY nuts, just...you know, nuts! What if we get a bag of pecans or something and like, scatter them around the nutcrackers so people can test them out?” He questions with an earnest look.

You do think about this for a moment; it’s not the weirdest idea he’s ever had. “Honestly, I don’t think they would go for it, love. Can you imagine the clean-up? Pecan bits everywhere? The staff would hate it and you’d probably be banned.”

His face falls a little, but he accepts the refusal gracefully. “Yeah, you might be right about that.” He turns and sees something else that catches his eye: a display of angel decorations swinging softly overhead in the breeze from the store fans.

“Babe, look, angels! I had a vision about them while I was high that one time, remember me telling you about it? We were flying through the sky, and swooping, and dropping sparkles on people on the earth below. We were the wish angels! We were making so many people happy! Do you think real angels do that?"

He grabs your hands and spins you around in an excited little dance, causing you to lose your balance and stumble into his broad chest. You laugh and clutch onto the lapels of his coat so you don’t fall to the ground and take him with you.

The last thing you want today is to draw attention to yourselves by creating a disaster in the angel aisle. You want Dieter all to yourself today, without other shoppers finding a reason to pay attention to him as “Dieter Bravo, the nutjob movie star”. You are having the loveliest day together so far in your own little bubble, and you don’t want anything to mar that.

Thankfully you both soon manage to get your giggles under control and hold each other up. There will be no falling or crashing today. You straighten each other’s jackets and, still grinning, continue on your way.

Neither of you are in the mood to make any purchases today; you’re just happy to have the time to hang out together. So you nod politely to the staff member greeting people at the door, and head out to the outdoor pedestrian mall on the other side of the shopping center. Sure enough, the ice-skating rink has been set up. You see a few family groups waiting at the gate with tickets in hand, skates slung over their shoulders by the laces.

You and Dieter look at each other but make no moves toward joining the line. You consider yourself fairly fit, you love running and swimming, but your athleticism has not translated over to skating. Dieter prefers to sit out and observe anyway. One of his favourite activities is coming up with stories about the people he sees, and “making” them follow his narration. You love to witness his imagination working.

You both take a seat on the benches outside the fenced area and get ready to spend some time people-watching. Dieter’s eyes are gleaming and his mouth has that sly smirk, and you know he’s working up some mischievous scenarios for his unwitting puppets across the way.

“Look at those two over there, you see the man with his lady having coffees? They’re planning to go for a cruise this year because they’ve never been before, but he’s just found out he’s inherited a billion dollars from a distant aunt. So he’s gonna buy the whole cruise line company and buy out everyone’s ticket so they can have the whole boat to themselves. Bezos, eat your heart out.”

“These kids skating in a clump are pretty good, but they’re not Olympics-good…except the little one falling behind, see her? She’s been secretly practicing with a coach and she’s just about to whip out a quadruple lux with a double flip-thingy at the end. The big ones won’t even know what hit ‘em.”

“That guy over there walking his dog, look at him! He was thinking about getting another dog for Christmas but he knows the first dog would hate it, so he’s going to get an iguana instead. The dog will be freaked out at first but she’ll learn to love the iguana and let it ride on her back like a little cowboy. Then he’s gonna get a smaller lizard and train it to ride on the iguana’s back, so he can take them all on America’s Got Talent. It’ll be the Three Perros.”

You just listen and laugh along with his stories while enjoying being out and about in the fresh air.

After resting for a little while longer, you realise you’re feeling the chill. It’s not really cold out; Los Angeles doesn’t get that cold even in winter. Even so, the day is brisk and you’ve been sitting long enough to cool down from your earlier walk. You both decide it’s time to reinforce your people-watching with some sustenance so you stroll across the mall to the cafe that you both love. Dieter goes to choose a table while you place your order at the counter.

You don’t have to wait long for the server to bring your drinks over: hot chocolate with a candy cane for you, hot chocolate with extra marshmallows for him.

As they set your drinks down in front of you, you thank them politely and pretend not to notice as Dieter pulls out a hip flask and surreptitiously pours a generous splash of a clear amber liquid to his drink. You can see perfectly well, of course, but you don't rat him out. He's had so few treats lately with the gruelling pace of the movie he's currently filming. The cast only got the bare minimum of two weeks off for the holidays, so he’s determined to make the most of his time relaxing with you. If the man wants a boozy hot chocolate, who are you to argue?

You take a sip of your hot chocolate and twirl your candy cane at Dieter in mock sword-fight. He grabs it and pops it into his mouth to give a long suck, making a loud “pshhlooooo” sucking noise and pulling a wide-eyed lewd face. You can’t help but laugh and roll your eyes as he gives your candy cane back at you, smirking, “what? I didn’t do anything!”

Dieter lets out a contented sigh as he takes a long drink of his own hot chocolate and swallows. He graciously gives you one of his extra marshmallows before it gets too melty. You giggle before reaching over to rub at a bit of the sticky white fluff floating in his mustache. You pop your sugary finger into your own mouth and copy his silly noise as you suck it clean. You don’t miss the quiet groan and slight frown he makes at the sight of your cheeks hollowing with the suck, and your finger exiting your mouth sans marshmallow.

“None of that, Dee, we’re in public. Having a nice, G-rated, Christmassy, G-rated day...in public.”

“Babe, you really know how to tease, you know that? This-” he gestures towards his lap, “is going to cause a scene if I get up and walk around now. You’re gonna have to go up and get us more food or something while this goes away.”

You happily oblige, returning shortly with two plates from the pastry case. “I got us some nutella crepes and a raspberry danish just in case, which one d’you want first?”

He makes grabby hands for the crepes and you laugh and playfully pull them in towards yourself with a grin.

“Aw, if you wanted the crepes yourself, why’d you give me a choice? You know I’ll give you whatever you want,” he pouts slightly. He acts affronted, but you know he’s not upset.

You cut off a piece of rolled-up crepe and stab it with your fork. Leaning over in your seat, you offer him the forkful while giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Because life is much nicer when you have choices, my love.” He chews, swallows, and returns the kiss with chocolatey lips and a warm smile that murmurs, “I love you, so much.”

Soon you’re both full of sweets and hot chocolate, and Dieter is looking slightly pink in the cheeks due to his special secret ingredient. You give him a questioning look and glance downwards, and he nods as if to say “I’m ready, let’s do this”, and you pull your seats out and get ready to leave your table.

“Do you want to go see if they’ll let you sit on Santa’s lap this year? It’s still early, the line might not be too long yet to get a photo with him,” you offer.

His face lights up with glee. “Absolutely, babe, but you have to be in the picture with me this time! You didn’t last year and it ruined the whole vibe!”

“Dee, I witnessed the whole thing! Me not being in the photo was definitely not the thing that killed the vibe.”

You relent though and join the line with Dieter. You both do your best to ignore the other patrons around you, at least one of whom you can see staring in your peripheral vision. It’s a young man with his phone half-held up, as if to ask for a selfie. He retracts his hand when Dieter notices him, smiles politely, and very deliberately turns away to give you a kiss on the cheek. The man looks slightly dejected but he doesn’t push it.

When you reach the front of the line, you clock the main elf giving Dieter a wary look. Santa gives her a reassuring nod, however, so she steps aside and doesn’t object when Dieter eagerly steps forward. This year’s Santa seems younger than last year’s, and he looks more solid too. You breathe a quiet sigh of relief. Maybe this year will be fine.

At Santa’s encouraging smile, Dieter sits down on one of his legs and gets comfortable. Santa cocks his head at you, asking if you’d like to sit on his other leg. You make a face and shake your head no, so he murmurs a direction to the elf to bring a chair over for you to sit next to him.

When you are seated, Santa asks Dieter the classic question, “And what would you like for Christmas this year, young man?”

Dee leans in close to Santa’s ear and whispers something you can’t hear. It makes Santa smile though. Santa motions to you, and you obligingly lean in closer so the camera-elf can snap the photo of the three of you. The flash blazes in your eye-line momentarily, and then it’s over.

Dieter thanks Santa before standing and reaches for your hand to pull you up. Santa gives you a wink and lays a finger on the side of his nose, and wishes you both a, “very Merry Christmas, ho ho ho!”

As you leave Santa’s enclosure, another elf offers Dieter the printed photo and Dee pulls out his wallet to pay. You both wish the elf a Merry Christmas and walk away, hand in hand.

Dieter has a silly smile on his face as you stroll together. You aren’t sure if you want to ask, but you’re dying to know anyway. “So, what did you ask Santa for?”

He glances over at you and squeezes your hand.

“I told him I didn’t want anything this year. That you were all I needed.”

[gyuvision]

goodnight ricky

wc ; 1k - pairing ; ricky shen x fem reader

summary ; before your roommate left she promised she’d find you a replacement. 3 years later she never did, until now, leaving you as confused as ever while you looked at the 6ft male sitting in your room.

contains -> fluff/slight angst

you came back late, having class at a top (and painfully competitive) med school plus the late shift at the local coffee shop. you were tired especially during exams. all you wanted was to stay in your bed and read a book, or sleep for the rest of the night. however you pleased.

so naturally being that exhausted you were absolutely not expecting the man sitting in your desk, drawing towards the conclusion that you were hallucinating and that maybe sleep sounded like a better idea than a book.

“someone told me to wait for you here”

“what?”

“you know, your roommate?”

oh. right.

your roommate was your best friend. you were inseparable, shared the same dreams, got into the same college together.

but everything changed. she got a boyfriend, and suddenly your future wasn’t as intertwined as you originally planned it to be.

they broke up and she realized she wasn’t sure what she wanted. everything about her had changed and your schedule almost never lined up because of how many times she changed it for her ex.

so, she cut ties, peacefully. she explained she no longer wanted the same thing as you and left but promised to visit soon and that she’d find someone to take her place because she knew how much you hated being on your own.

guess that explained why the man (who you later knew as shen quanrui) was waiting for you, in the same spot she always waited for you to come home.

“its been.. 2 years since she left. how could you have found me when she couldn’t even shoot a text?”

“unbeknownst you, you mean a great deal to her more than you seem to think you do. i was her partner in art school before we had graduated, and she sent me here. she knows how you are, with your life plan laid out in front of you, for you. she knows you’d still live here even after almost 3 years. she knows you’d end up getting into med school after college. you’re not that unpredictable jung y/n.”

“so i’ve been prepared all my life, and what about it? i don’t march towards things without a plan. and how could you address me by my full name when i don’t even know yours?”

“shen quanrui.”

“shim what?” “shen. quan. rui. shen quanrui. its not that hard.”

“so you’re not korean?” “obviously not. i’m chinese.”

“can you say your name one more time?”

“my god. you can just call me ricky.”

“lovelicky.” “what?” “nothing.”

“i brought back food. it was supposed to be a snack for me but i guess you can have it now that i know i’ll be accommodating for two from this point on.”

“thanks. but uh- can we just go to sleep?” ricky asked, moving from your desk to sit on your twin bed.

“what? this is a two person flat. go sleep in her old room.”

“uh- i would, assuming she left behind her bed. but you kind of boarded up her room and i’m not looking to take it down at midnight on a thursday.”

“oh. i guess you’re right. i forgot about that. i just never assumed she’d actually send someone to me so i didn’t want to look at everything she left behind.”

ricky shrugged and laid down on one side of your bed, while he let you climb into the side touching the wall. since when was he wearing pajamas?..

“isnt this weird?” you muttered.

“not really.”

“i just met you.”

“your couch looks stiff as fuck and i’m not sleeping on the floor.”

right. you had a couch.. maybe med school is taking a toll on your memory. you feel like your frontal lobe is deteriorating.

ricky watched as you reached for a book, before he quickly grabbed your hand and set it back down on the shelf above the bed.

“no. sleep. you have school then the night shift at the cafe.”

“how did you-” “you leave your schedule framed on your fridge.” “right..”

“goodnight y/n.”

“okay. goodnight ricky.”

[nctsplug02]

Husband mark fucking his pregnant wife plss

[11:31PM]

GENRE: father mark, fluff and smut!

WARNINGS: dilf!mark, pregnant milf!reader, kissing, breast play, breeding, praising, dirty talking, spanking, shower sex, and just pure fluff!

AN| happy (late) father’s day! i know, i know. i’m late to this post BUT, you know me, im late to/with everything! anywho, i want to say thank both my daddies. my dad dad and my bf daddy. ANYWHO! happy father’s day to my dad who lives miles and miles away from me, i love you dearly and wish you the best without having the best daughter in the world next to you. and to my daddy who’s next to me in bed (resting after having good pussy), i love you too.

the door unlocks and you try your best to quickly scramble up from the couch with your pint of ice cream in one hand and a fork in the other.

you hear a deep sigh and a bag being dropped on the ground.

at last, you’re able to lift yourself off the couch and onto your feet.

being seven months pregnant with a big belly was a struggle.

“mark, hunnie?” you call out and walk over to the front door space. “mark— oh, jesus christ!” you jump when mark jumpscares you.

“shit— baby, you scared me— oh, my god. i’m so sorry, baby.” marks hands land on your lower back and the side of your belly.

you sigh and attempt to wrap your arms around mark but your belly keeps you two at a distance. mark giggles at your cuteness and pulls you in front of him, putting his arms above your belly and dipping his chin on your shoulder.

“i’m sorry, hunnie.” you rub his arms and rock side to side. “no, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to scare my pregnant wife— just didn’t expect us to go separate paths.” he laughs.

“it’s alright— anyways, how was work?” mark groans and drops his head back before dropping his forehead on the back of your head.

mark sighs, “i’m so pissed. it’s father’s day and they wouldn’t allow me to go home early so i could spend time with you and jae-mi. they said they’d let us leave early because they knew we had plans for father’s day but still were planning to keep us until midnight until taeyong spoke up and they finally just let us leave.”

you frown, “aw, i’m sorry, baby. i’m sorry you are under such a shitty company who doesn’t care about you. and, i’m glad taeyong spoke up. i genuinely was gonna be a karen tonight and march on over to your practice room and complain about you not being home and missing out father’s day— jae-mi was really upset that you weren’t coming home. every hour that went by, she asked and asked if you were coming home yet. it was so disappointing to tell her that you weren’t just yet.”

“not a karen,” mark laughs. “just a loving, worried, moody wife who cares about her husbands well being under my shitty company who doesn’t care about me at all.”

“but, what did you and jae-mi do for father’s day while i was out on schedules?” you smile and bite on his hand crossed in front of you. “we just baked a bit for you, y’know— made some strawberry shortcake cupcakes and brownies.”

“uhhh,” you jump and mark pauses. “let’s go to the kitchen and i’ll let you know else we did.”

you continue to tell mark about what you and your five year old did without mark while walking over to the kitchen.

“woah— woah! what the— woah!” mark gasps and lets go of you. “dude— what! yo, this is sick!” mark jumps excitedly as he sees the frosted (and topped off with cut up strawberries) cupcakes and powered brownies.

you laugh at how mark went from being pissed to being so hyper from seeing sweets.

“wait, that isn’t even the best part. look,” you go around the island and grab the drying white paper from the fridge. “look, look!” you hold up the paper and mark squeals.

“who made this?” mark says, grabbing the paper from you. “this is an absolute masterpiece, what the!” mark says, admiring the art piece.

you tuck your hands behind your back and tilt your head. “jae-mi made it for you. she said she wanted to make something for you that you’d like and.. she made.. a heart with the letter ‘M’ in it.”

“oh, right! she made more for you, look.” you grab the other pieces of paper from the dining table and you pass them to mark.

“aww, this is sick. where’s my little girl?” mark says looking through the art works.

one was a glitter-glued-on-written sign that said, happy father’s day to the best daddy, in blue glitter.

another said, #1 daddy, in pink glitter.

“your little girl is sound asleep in her bed.” mark evens the papers and sets them on the island. “well, i’ll tell her tomorrow morning that her art pieces for me were beautiful.”

“wow, those are really messy.” mark says looking down at his now glitter covered hands.

you giggle and nod. “you should’ve seen mine earlier— jae-mi and i had to take two showers.”

mark grabs you by the shoulder and slams your back onto his chest, wrapping his heavy arms around your shoulder. “now, what did mommy make for me?”

you laugh and shake your head. “mommy helped your little girl make you these nummy desserts.” you push out of his hold and you grab a cupcake from the tray, peeling away the cupcake liner and taking a big bite into the cupcake.

“mmm,” you moan, chewing and then licking your top lip to get the extra whipped cream. “hm, try it.” you hold the cupcake in front of marks mouth and mark licks his lips, leaning forward and then taking a bigger bite.

“holy shit— mm, that’s so good. oh my god.” mark moans and nods, jumping around while holding his crotch and shaking his head.

you laugh and continue to eat the cupcake until all that’s left is the liner.

“alright, baby. let’s go take a shower, yeah?” you whine and shake your head. “this’ll be my third shower of the day— i’m so tired of taking showers.”

you lean your chin on marks chest and you shut your eyes. mark mocks your whine and places his chin on your head.

“but, i’m stinky, baby. i’m all sticky and sweaty.” you push off mark and he interlaces hands with you. “then shower by yourself.” you say with sass and mark laughs. “but, i wanna shower with you.”

you tsk, “fine. but, you have to carry me to the bathroom. now, hurry, let’s go before i change my mind.”

mark quickly yanks his hands from yours and lifts you off your feet by carrying you bridal style. “mark!” you laugh unstably as mark bounces while running up to the bathroom.

“are you crazy?!” you laugh as mark kicks the bathroom door open and sits you on the counter. “what, you said to hurry up before you changed your mind, no?”

he was right, so you couldn’t be mad.

“just, tsk— start the shower will’ya!” you make an angry face and mark laughs.

mark walks over to the shower and turns on the shower, in an instant, hot water squirts out the shower head.

“get undressed, baby.” mark says, walking over to the closet next to the shower and pulling out clean towels.

“mm, why don’t you undress me yourself?” mark stops in his tracks and looks up at you, trying his best to hide the shy smirk.

you place both hands on either sides of your legs and you smirk. “i said why don’t you undress me yourse—?” you gasp as mark drops the neatly folded towels and jogs over to you, quickly grabbing at your oversized shirt that was honestly his from his side of the closet.

mark tosses the shirt behind him and goes for your loose jamies. he undoes the knot and tugs them off with needy grunts.

“mark,” you giggle while being tossed around on your ass. “don’t forget about yourself, you dummy.” mark nods.

marks pupils grow when seeing your huge breasts— thanks for your pregnancy that bumped you from a C cup to a double D cup.

his hands shake as they go to undo your bra. “geez, when did they get this big.” mark says as the push-up bra releases your mochi like breasts.

“they’ve been growing ever since my third month.” you say with creased eyes and an innocent grin as mark massages them in his hands.

“mark, stop,” you giggle as he tweaks your nipples. “you can do that in the shower but i’m getting cold and i can just feel the hot steam from the shower.”

“alright, alright.” mark frowns as he forces himself to pull away from your breasts and helps you down from the counter.

mark walks with you to the running shower after pulling off your panties and you turn around and you stop him.

“what?” he looks down at you.

“you’re still fully clothed, hunnie.” you point out while softly laughing.

mark looks down and laughs along with you. “i forgot,” he rubs his nape and sighs. “wanna undress me?” you tilt your head and sigh. “you’re a big boy, aren’t you?” you see the disappointment in marks eyes and you laugh even more.

“kidding, i’d love to, markie.” you pat his head when seeing him melt.

you pull up his shirt and you purposely run your hand down his toned abs just to make him flex for you. “you’re a cutie, markie.” you tap the tip of his nose and in a reflex for that, he scrunches his nose up.

you finish off by going on your knees and pulling down his sweats and his boxers all together.

“oh,” your eyes slightly cross when marks semi-hard cock bobs in your face. “markie,” you say in a teasing tone. “is this for me?” mark sticks the tip of his tongue out and scrunches up his face in embarrassment.

“let’s continue in the shower?” you ask and mark quickly nods.

mark helps you up off your knees and follows you into the shower like a lost pup.

you turn and give mark a kiss under the pouring showering which quickly leads to a hot and heated makeout sesh. “m—mark,” you attempt to call for him in the middle of the kiss but mark doesn’t stop, he’s addicted.

you somehow manage to pull away from marks needy kisses and you burst into a fit of laughter when seeing how swollen and red his lips are.

“geez, you needy needy man!” mark touches his lips and suddenly turns all red when feeling the swollen-ness.

“i just— it feels like i haven’t kissed you for so long, y/n.” you laugh, holding his forearms. “we kissed this morning before you went off to schedules.”

“not like that, we didn’t.”

“uh, yes we did. don’t tell me you don’t remember our quickie this morning.” mark takes a moment and then finally it clicks. “oooohhhh, right. dude, i totally forgot, i’m sorry.”

you shake your head while rolling your eyes. “whatever, just hurry up and fuck me.”

mark turns you and bends you perfectly so your hands can grasp the tiled walls. “don’t tell me what to do.” mark spanks you and you cry out.

“don’t be so harsh—!” mark spanks you once more. “i said don’t tell me what to do.” you look back when feeling his tip poke at your entrance.

“then don’t be so harsh— and stop teasing me, will’ya— nghh!” you moan when feeling mark ease into you.

“oh, fuck.” mark says, pinching your hip with one hand and using the other hand to hold himself up from leaning all his weight on you.

“baby,” mark groans. “you feel so good, baby. oh, my god.”

his pulsing cock pushes past your gummy walls and continues that many times. “mark,” your cheek pressed against the tiles and your hands laid flat against the tiles.

“harder, markie.” you grunt, grabbing his wrists from behind and crying out when mark starts ramming into your cunt.

“oh, mark!” you wail, moving yourself up onto your tip-toes.

marks face scrunches in pleasure as he feels you clench around him.

your hand reaches down and you begin to rub your nub that’d cried for attention. “f—fuck, i’m gonna cum soon. i’m s—so close.” you pant, rubbing quick circles on your clit and moaning like a wild animal.

you and mark both let out groans when feeling you squirt, the liquid runs down your hand and down marks cock.

“god— mark, i’m cumming.” you cry out to mark who continues to plow into you. “god, i’m cumming.” you whisper.

your knees wobble and buckle as your orgasm hits you. mark quickly holds under your belly and catches you, making sure he gives nice and slow thrusts while holding you up.

“cum, mark. i wanna feel your cum dripping out of my pussy.” you whisper to mark, slowly recovering from your orgasm.

“you want me to cum in your pussy? your pregnant pussy?” you nod, whining at how much more turned on you got just from hearing mark dirty talk to you.

mark does as you pleaded for and cums into your cunt.

his sloppy thrusts come to a halt and he stays balls deep in your cunt. marks cum dripping past his dick and falling straight on the tiled ground, it washes away from the powerful impact of the hot water being sprayed out the shower head.

“geez— i need to sit down.” you pant when mark pulls out of you— slowly.

mark lowers himself to the floor and sits you on his lap. “i love you, you know that, right?” mark chuckles. “of course i do. y’know that i love you too, right?” you nod tiredly. “to the moon and back?” you nod, again.

silence fills up the bathroom.

“so,” you start. “round two?”

“i’ll meet you in the bedroom in ten.” mark says, pushing you back onto your feet.

you leave the bathroom with a purple towel around you and you wait for mark.

ten minutes was too long and by the time mark was finished with his shower, you were sound asleep on his side of the bed with the towel still wrapped around your body.

[callmewrinkles3]

All Too Well - DR3 x Fem!OC

Summary: Saying goodbye is hard. Saying goodbye to your family without telling them it’s a final goodbye is even harder. But Em has come to terms that Dan doesn’t love her the same way she loves him, and leaving on her own terms will hurt less than being told he’s ending things. March 2022.

Word Count: 12.3k

Warnings: fighting, all the angst this bad boy can carry, lil bit of a dickhead!Dan, running away from your friends, mentions of death, mentions of motorsport crashes and deaths, moving without telling anyone, lying to family, talk of medical procedures, frank talks about what people want to happen if they can’t decide.

A/N: We’ve kept you waiting, but we hope this was worth the wait! This part of our story is what started us on this madcap adventure together, and it’s a lot of what makes our beloved Em Em. Thank you in advance!

Em stared at the two boarding passes in front of her as she sat in the fancy Heathrow lounge, a caramel latte beside them. Heathrow to Dubai, Dubai to Melbourne. More than twenty hours spent on planes to get to Melbourne, to jump into work and get stuck in at the Australian Grand Prix. And it was the last thing she wanted to do.

She should be excited. She should be so happy because she was about to see the boys after over a week apart, she was about to see Dan. She was finally going to get to see the Ricciardos after almost two years apart. But she was dreading it, the memories from Saudi filling her head as she thought. Em forced her attention to the laptop sitting on her knees, emails up and the one she never thought she’d write sitting in the middle of the screen.

SUB: Resignation Letter

From: emmy@.ric3.com

To: blake@.ric3.com

Dear Blake,

Please use this email as my official resignation, effective immediately. I’m sorry that I can’t offer any more notice.

Working with you has been fantastic, and I appreciate everything we’ve gotten to do over the past three years.

Kind regards,

Emma.

Signing it Emma felt wrong. Emma was for Zak Brown and Andreas Sidle. Christian Horner had used it the one time she was introduced to him at Red Bull. She was always Em or Ems now. Except for Dan, she was his Emmy. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Or ever again. If he called her that she thought she might lose the last grip she had on her composure and break.

The email was scheduled and sitting in her outbox to send after the race, and the last thing she did before boarding was reschedule her flight home. Instead of leaving Monday morning with the boys, she was going on Sunday evening. She’d be somewhere over Queensland by the time Blake received the email and the boys would be at least twelve hours behind her. It was enough time to make sure she could be well ahead of them and get away.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be smiling and laughing, and she was supposed to be in Perth right now cuddling her niblings and laughing with Grace and Joe. Learning to cook yet another family recipe and insisting that she and Dan were just friends. She couldn’t even answer the question honestly if they were friends now.

He’d sent her away. The one thing she begged him not to do, the pinkie promise she’d made him give. The only promise she had ever asked him to keep. Not to stay safe while driving, not to do anything else. Not to leave her alone. The near screaming match they’d had in his drivers room that Blake and Michael had to break up. The way he didn’t even look at her but told Blake to “take Ems to the hotel”. How she had tears streaming down her face as she was escorted through the paddock like she wasn’t supposed to be there.

She still didn’t fully believe that she’d dropped her phone in the car. Em shouldn’t even have been in the car alone with Blake, but Dan insisted she went to the hotel room so she went. She was left there alone in Saudi Arabia, where Dan knew she couldn’t leave the hotel. She stared out the window at the smoke from the rockets, completely alone all night until Michael knocked on her door the following morning and she had to pretend everything was fine.

She’d worked from hospitality and as soon as the race finished she changed her flights to go back to London instead of Perth, making up an excuse. And Dan bought that she was going back for her parents.

“Family stuff.” She’d said when he asked.

“Em, you don’t talk to your family much.” She was folding clothes into her case, the one she’d brought that had her Australia clothes already standing fully packed.

“Yeah, but it’s family. My parents have their thirty fifth wedding anniversary in a few weeks, I’m helping plan it.” Only the last part of her words were a lie and she bit her tongue.

“Everyone wants to see you, they all miss you and they keep asking when you’ll be over. The kids miss you.”

“I’ll see them in Melbourne, Dan. You go, enjoy your time at home with them.”

She’d gotten a car to bring her to the airport and Dan hadn’t even asked a question, just a “text me when you land”. There was no hug, no even quick hand squeeze like they usually did in the Middle East. That’s when she knew whatever they were doing. The nearly four years of sleeping together and pretending they weren’t, of the media wondering who she was and why she was always there, was over.

She’d promised herself that she wasn’t going to catch feelings, that it was just sex. That she could do it. That every time she told Dan “y’know, right?” it was purely platonic. That the slow sex was just them wanting to take their time, nothing else. That she hadn’t murmured to Dan to make love to her in Bahrain when they shouldn’t have even been sharing a room after Grosjean’s crash, when he kissed her and held onto her and whispered that he loved her as he entered her.

Because that was sixteen months ago and nothing had changed. It was never going to change between them. Their fight in Saudi had proven it, and now she had to pretend that everything was fine before she said goodbye to the people she loved for the last time.

She couldn’t keep working with Dan when not sleeping with him. She couldn’t watch him fall for another woman, couldn’t get introduced to more people as “Em, my best friend” anymore. She was his Emmy. He was her Danny. And not getting to love him and be loved by him how she wanted to was going to kill her.

The flights were what she expected, Dan had upgraded her tickets to first class like he always did and she wanted to kill him like she always did. She spent the flights and the layovers organising his calendar for the next three months, tracking his flights and cross checking the sponsor events that had been filled in. Everything up to Hungary was booked and ready to go. She checked her watch when she was halfway to Melbourne, realising that he’d be at the Optus event she was usually on his arm for. She was supposed to be there this year, but she told him to take Michelle instead. All the events around the Australian GP that she always went as his plus one, wearing the star necklace he’d gotten her for her birthday, and the matching earrings that were her Christmas present the same year. Her outfit was usually one he’d bought for her against her protests because “let me spoil you” was how he showed that he cared, and she always wore the gold moon ring on her thumb that matched the sun one she’d bought him for his little finger. Most of her wardrobe and all of her everyday jewellery were presents from Dan. Her life was completely entwined with his, and untangling it all was going to hurt.

Her flight got in at god-awful o’clock that Wednesday morning, she’d lost a full day having left London on the Monday evening, but she walked through Melbourne customs with her suitcase glad to just be through. She’d told everyone she’d get an Uber to the hotel and meet them for breakfast, but instead as soon as she appeared in front of the glowing Melbourne sign two small figures ran to her yelling.

“AUNTIE EMMY YOU’RE HERE YOU’RE HERE!” Em dropped her bags and fell to her knees, arms wide open to pull Isaac and Isabella into her and pressing so many kisses to their curly heads.

“I’m here, I’m here. I missed you both so much. So, so much. I’m so sorry I couldn’t see you, I wanted to see you sooner.” Stupid Western Australia and closed borders and not letting people through. Her eyes began shining as she took in the difference in the two kids, Isaac at least a foot taller and losing the childlike way he’d spoken. Isabella had doubled in size, long hair and a child instead of a toddler the last time she’d seen her in person.

“It’s ok, you’re here now! Nana said you’ll sit with us for ev’rything ‘cept the race? Cause we’ve got two years of birthday and Christmas pressies for you!” Isaac looked so proud, grinning as he took her wheeled carry on and pulled it.

“I can’t wait. Who’re you here with?”

“Grandad Joe! He has our sign, Uncle Mike and Uncle Blake told us we had to use all the glitter. We were gonna wait, but I saw you and I wanted a hug. Is that ok?” He looked almost worried of her response, but she ruffled his hair.

“It’s more than ok. All I wanted was hugs from the two of you.”

Isabella clung to her waist, Em lifting her up with one arm and mentally thanking Michael for the strength training that let her carry the girl and pull her suitcase with her. She looked around to see Joe holding a giant piece of bright orange card, Auntie Emmy written on it in blue and silver glitter. It was the shiniest thing she’d ever seen in her life, and it was coming home with her even with the craft herpes that would infest her suitcase. Joe pulled her into a one armed hug on the side his granddaughter wasn’t monopolising, pushing a kiss to the side of her forehead that made her want to cry.

“We missed you, kiddo. Grace wanted to be here but we couldn’t fit her in the car too, and Dan’s doing media today. You cut it tight to get in.”

“It’s my parents wedding anniversary next week, I’ve been helping. I have to fly out after the race on Sunday.” It was Wednesday, and she could see his face fall as he realised how little time they’d have together.

“We’re spending as much time with you as we can until you go. Those boys get you all year round, we get you for this weekend.”

“That sounds perfect.”

When they made it to the hotel Em was greeted with yet more hugs from Grace, Michelle, and Michelle’s husband Adam. There were tears in everyone’s eyes at the reunion, and the long hug from Grace was the best thing ever and broke her heart at the same time. It was so restorative, so good, but she wasn’t going to get many more of them.

“Dan checked you in, here’s your key. He’s got the room on the other side of you, Blake’s on the other wall, we’re most of our corridor. Do you want to get some sleep and we’ll call you at noon?”

The first thing Em noticed about her room was the adjoining door between her room and Dan’s. She closed the lock gently to make sure she was completely alone. After that she napped fitfully, waking up to knocks on the door and yet more hugs. The day was spent going to the zoo, kids hanging out of her as she swung them around and gave piggybacks, feeling exactly like part of the family. Blake told her to take the day off for jet lag, and she wasn’t complaining.

That evening was filled with fun as the kids clung to her while she pulled out the first of so many presents. Chocolate first so she could see their faces eating proper chocolate rather than the Australian stuff that didn’t melt in the heat. The bag of duty free was quickly eaten between everyone, a movie on tv as she filled everyone in on what she had been doing. It wasn’t until after eight that Dan appeared wearing a suit.

“Ems! I thought you were coming with me tonight?” She looked up from where she’d been half dozing with Isabella curled up against her, taking in her best friend wearing a navy blue suit and white shirt.

“Coming to what? I’m taking today for jet lag. What’s tonight?”

“The AusGP reception. You always come!” Confusion was written all over his face and Em swallowed once, looking at him carefully.

“I said I wasn’t doing anything this year. I have to leave pretty much straight after the race, I don’t have time.”

“Emmy, please.” She hated that she couldn’t resist him when he did that, when her name curled around his accent like that.

“I don’t have anything to wear.” This was the closest they’d ever come to an argument in front of his family. Their eyes were going between them as if watching a tennis match.

“I got you something.”

“Dan, you can’t do that.” It was pointless to argue but she had to try make her point. She couldn’t just do everything because he wanted her to.

“I did. C’mon, it’s three hours and some schmoozing and we can come back so you can go to bed. He did his best impression of puppy dog eyes, lifting Isabella from her. “You want to see Auntie Emmy all glam and pretty, right Is?”

“Yeah! She’s always pretty.”

“You’re very right. I left the dress in your room, Ems. Please?”

“Fine.”

She said her goodbyes and went into her room, making sure the adjoining door was locked before going into shower and change. As she walked into the bathroom she thought she heard the door rattle but ignored it, forcing herself to take time to put herself together.

Years travelling around the world had taught her how to make herself look presentable in very little time, forcing her to learn how to do a blow dry with a hotel hairdryer. It took less than an hour to have hair and makeup perfectly done, a wrap around her shoulders and a pair of heels on her feet. The dress Dan had picked was perfect for her. It was lavender, knee length with a corset top, and her jewellery worked perfectly with it. He had taste when it wasn’t about party shirts. Once she was ready she picked up a clutch and knocked on Dan’s door. He opened the door confused, but ready to go.

“I thought you’d use the adjoining door? It’s why I got us these rooms.”

“I’m tired, Dan. Can we just get this over with?”

The launch was like anything else, an event to deal with. There were speeches and then wandering around the room, Dan’s hand hovering at her lower back but not quite touching her. She smiled as she was introduced as “meet Ems, she’s my best friend and my manager’s assistant who keeps my life on track”, even while her heart was breaking. But she kept her cool, finally managing to break away from Dan for a few minutes to chat to Ted and Natalie from Sky while Dan did the rounds.

“I didn’t know if you’d be here. I was talking to Michael yesterday, he said you weren’t in Perth with them,” Ted remarked as Em looked at the almost empty glass of champagne in his hand.

“Is this going to end up as gossip on the notebook if we talk?” Nat nearly snorted with laughter, Ted shaking his head with a chuckle.

“Nope. I’m drinking so I’m officially off work duties. Unless you have any gossip about things? Anything that I can attribute to an unnamed McLaren source?”

“I don’t work for McLaren, thankfully Zak doesn’t sign my paycheque. But no, I’ve got no gossip. There’s some family stuff happening so I have to head home pretty much as soon as the race is over. But I needed to see everyone, it’s been almost two years and I missed them.”

“Fair.” They chatted about the season so far, studiously ignoring the controversy around the last race, until Dan arrived back to make excuses and get them to leave the party.

“Back to the hotel?”

“You read my mind.”

The car ride back was the most awkward one the two of them had ever done and Em didn’t know what to do. Usually if they were in a car alone together they’d be curled into each other or at least holding hands. But she was on her side of the SUV, Dan was on his, and the hand she’d stretched into the middle as a peace offering was ignored. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with that. Didn’t want to know, really. All his actions did was solidify that the painful decision she’d reached was the right one. Just because things could be easy didn’t mean they were right.

When they reached their floor in the hotel Dan stopped outside her hotel room as Em waved the keycard at the lock.

“Night, Dan.”

“But I thought…”

“What?” She was sharper than she should have been, but she was jet lagged and tired and heart sore.

“I thought we’d be sharing a room.”

“Your family are two doors down and the kids are here. The chances of at least one of them knocking on my door before I want to get up in the morning are high, and I don’t want to have to explain why we share a bed when we’re not married. Do you?”

“Not particularly.”

“Exactly. I’ll see you in the morning.”

As soon as the hallway door closed behind her she double checked the lock on the adjoining door before flipping over the door lock. If she’d looked out the peephole she would have seen a confused and disappointed Dan standing in the hallway.

The next few days passed in a haze of having the kids around, working, and ignoring Zak. She knew he was the original source of the rumours the year before, he was the one who got Mazepin to start spreading that she was sleeping with all three of her boys. It was her greatest pleasure to get to tell him no, and she did it with joy.

But in between finalising as much as she could before her resignation was sent she had time to wander Melbourne alone. She loved the city. It had always welcomed her in, it was Dan’s home race and the place where she knew everyone adored him. Em wandered around a craft market, finding a jewellery maker who made gold charms and engraved them on the spot. It took her all of ten seconds to buy two and get them put on different coloured leather cords, one each for Isaac and Isabella. The front had a pair of angel wings for each of her angel kids, and the engraving on the back read love you forever, Auntie Emmy. 

Leaving her family behind was going to be the hardest part of this, and she needed to make sure that they knew just how much she loved them. Em was so aware that she was about to be the first adult to choose to walk out of their lives, and she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to break their hearts the way hers would break too. She just hoped that when they realised she wasn’t coming back they’d know she wanted to tell them how much she loved them.

Practice and qualifying were shit and she felt her dislike of the team growing even stronger. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to deal with the stupid orange team and the way that they were favouring Lando already. Dan was the one who won a race last year, not Lando. He was the one who had proven himself with podiums galore. But they didn’t care.

That night she left the door between their rooms unlocked. Her bags were half packed, her resignation email was scheduled to send and she’d triple checked the timezone on it. Em had spent the last two days hugging everyone as much as she could, surprising Chloe by popping into the Aston garage before a practice and waving to Lance and Seb as she pulled Chloe into a giant hug. Scotty got one too, trying to put the love and care she had for her best friends outside her boys into a hug. There were waves to the people she couldn’t hug because rumours would start, giving Susie a recommendation for the restaurant they all ate at the night before so she and Toto could have a family meal with Jack in privacy. The small things to make sure everyone knew she thought about them and loved them.

Em couldn’t sleep straight away. Nights before races were hard, the crashes she’d watched with her own two eyes usually playing in her head. Dan in Anthoine’s car, Dan in Grosjean’s. Dan in Lewis’s place the year before with no halo. Dan in the rain and a tractor on track. All the ways she knew people had died racing she thought about and she couldn’t deal. Her fear every time Dan slid into his seat in the car was all encompassing but racing was his first love and she could never ask him to stop.

She was about to get up and go down to Michael’s room to ask for some melatonin, but the doorknob between the two rooms rattled and clicked open quietly. Em stayed still as she was, breathing in and out steadily.

Dan slipped into the other side of the bed. If she just opened her eyes she’d be able to see him. If she reached her fingers out slightly she could touch him. It was the first time they’d shared a bed since Bahrain and being just over covid and she wanted him to hold her. Her body was screaming to curl into him and tell him she loves him and she’s his and she doesn’t want him to fall in love with anyone else because she wants him to love her. To choose her over all the models in the world he could have.

She didn’t sleep that night, too aware of his presence in the bed. She could hear his snores but she didn’t dare look up at him, didn’t dare move in case she disturbed him. He needed his sleep the night before a race.

As the morning dawned through crappy hotel curtains she could feel the vibrations from the alarm on his watch, the one he always used to try let her get some extra sleep when he needed to be up early.

Please kiss my forehead. Please, Dan. Please just give me any sign you want me to stay. Don’t leave me again.

Every morning was the same when they shared a bed. He’d delay until the very last minute to stay in the warmth and then kiss her forehead in goodbye. And then he’d leave, not content to get out from there until he made sure she knew he said goodbye.

This time he slid out of the bed without touching her, padding across the still room and going back into his. Em heard the lock slide shut on his side and rolled over, tears filling her eyes.

It hurt so much already, how was she supposed to pretend that everything was fine? How was she supposed to act normal around everyone when she wanted to scream that they were over and nothing would ever be the same again? How could she be okay when she felt like this? 

He’d left her alone. Again. He hadn’t even touched her but he’d slept in her bed and she never thought Dan could be so cruel. She never thought he’d leave her with the barest hint of his scent, that if she hadn’t been awake she wouldn’t have known he was there. The ache spread through her chest and she tried to quiet her sobs but it hurt. It hurt so, so badly.

A cold shower soothed her puffy face, getting rid of some of the usual redness while makeup did the rest. She was dressed in her usual race day gear of shorts, vans, a McLaren polo, and a Dan hat on her head by the time there was a knock on her door, Michael standing there.

“Hey, I’m heading in with Dan and Blake now. He said you’re going in with his family in an hour?” Another cut in her heart. More space between them. But she schooled her face into a smile, hoping Michael would believe everything was fine.

“Yeah. I said I wanted as much time with the kids as possible, it’s fine.  See you there?”

“See you there.”

Michael was a couple of metres away from her when she stepped into the hall, grabbing her room key from the slot just inside the door.

“Michael?” He turned and she half jogged, pulling him into a tight hug.

“What’s this for?”

“Haven’t seen you as much. You know you’re my brother, right? How lucky I am to have you as my family?”

“You’re the most annoying little sister Ems, but you’re my little sister. I’ve missed having you around.”

“Miss you too.”

She watched him walk away as step one of her goodbyes was done. The next was to go to breakfast with everyone and pretend that things were normal for the next few hours until the race was over. She could do it. She had to.

Breakfast with the extended Ricciardo clan was fun, Isabella still clinging to her and Isaac insisting on sitting beside her. She soaked up every moment she got with them, walking out to the car Dan had arranged holding Isabella on her hip.

“That’ll be you in a few years,” Michelle commented as Em struggled with the car seat buckle before getting it right. “The mother, not the cool aunt. We can swap places.”

Another stab to her already mangled heart. “I dunno. Wait and see, but I’m not sure that’s on the cards any time soon.” Considering the only man she wanted to have a child with didn’t want to be with her, it was a no.

You’ll be a good mother, Em. Plus you’ll have loads of family around.” She wanted to scream that she was leaving her family behind for good this afternoon but instead she just smiled tightly. It was too close to home. She couldn’t keep this conversation going. It hurt.

The race matched her mood. The strategy wasn’t good, the car was a tractor, and the oblique team orders to not let Dan try overtake Lando made her want to scream. The team points would be the same, but no. Not for his home race even. The crowd were amazing and let out loud cheers every time the orange car made its way around the circuit, but it wasn’t enough and Em knew it. It hurt. Her last time at a Grand Prix, her last time cheering for the man she was so deeply in love with, and the team and car had let him down again.

The plan was already to delay debrief till Monday so Dan got to spend time with his family, and Em decided to head to the airport nearly immediately. She couldn’t stay any longer. She couldn’t deal with any more hints from Michelle about a niece or nephew in the future, couldn’t listen to Grace or Joe talking about how much they’d missed her. She couldn’t spend more time with Blake and Michael without wanting to break down and tell them that they had changed her life and she wouldn’t make them choose between her and Dan.

Because that was what it came down to. She was the last one in this group that was all united by their love of Daniel Ricciardo. She was the one who loved him so deeply it hurt, the one who loved every single member of the group to the moon and to Saturn. And she loved them so much she couldn’t bear to have them walk away from her. Because that was what would happen.

Her own blood family didn’t choose her. They saw her as a disgrace, as a failure because she was thirty one years old, unmarried and without kids. They didn’t realise that she was the one who kept Dan on schedule, who organised sponsor events and filtered out the crap he and Blake didn’t need to know about. She stopped the balls from falling out of the sky. Because she was just an assistant.

And if the people who gave birth to her wouldn’t choose her, she knew the family she’d built wouldn’t either. She was never the one who was chosen, and she didn’t blame them. She was just Emma. Danny was Dan. She knew who she’d pick if given a quarter of a chance.

She’d just finished packing when the adjoining door opened, Dan walking in already speaking but stopping when he saw the case by the door, her carry on full with the edge of the orange poster getting folded in.

“Where are you going?” His tone was accusatory and she steeled herself for the argument.

“Home.”

“Emmy…”

“Don’t Emmy me, Daniel! You know I have to go back for the anniversary.” She turned to look at him, watching as confusion turned to anger.

“And I also know that’s bullshit. I’ve known you for how many years, Em? You’ve visited your parents twice. Michael was with you one of those times, the visit lasted twenty minutes and even he didn’t have anything nice to say about it. Michael. Who has a good thing to say about almost everyone. So tell me the truth, why are you leaving now? Why not get on the flight with us tomorrow?”

“Because I have to go back.”

“Don’t lie to me Em!” He raised his voice and Em gave as good as she got, staring back at him.

“You want the truth, Dan? All of it?”

“Yes! That’s all I want, it’s all I’ve ever wanted with you.”

She took a deep breath, staring into his brown eyes for the last time, soaking in that even so angry he was so beautiful. She’d had the privilege of sleeping with him for nearly four years, of loving him for three. Whoever got to do that next would be so incredibly lucky.

“You left me alone. The one thing I ever asked of you, the only thing I ever asked you to promise me was to never leave me alone. I begged you. Whatever was going on, whatever was happening with us, please don’t leave me alone. And then there were bombs flying and I watched one explode and you made me get into a car and leave. You made me stay alone, and you didn’t come back to me that night. I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know if you were even alive because I didn’t have my fucking phone until the next morning and all the news was in Arabic. You were gone to the track before I knew what had happened. You left. You broke your promise, Daniel.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” It was the worst thing he could have said.

“But Blake and Michael got to stay. Angela stayed with Lewis, don’t try to lie to me and tell me she didn’t. Britta stayed with Seb. You sent me away, Dan. I was sobbing and begging you to stay and you made Blake drive me away. You made me leave when I was scared.” She let her words sink into him fully. “Just leave. Get out of this room and leave.”

“Emmy…” His voice was soft and she blinked back the tears she knew she wanted to cry. Not until the airport. Not until then.

“GET OUT DAN!” She yelled at him for the first time, shock on his face. “JUST LEAVE! It’s what you’ve been doing this whole weekend, just leave.”

“Fine. Fine. If that’s what you want, I’m fucking gone. I’m done here, I’m gone. I’ll be downstairs in five for you to say goodbye to everyone.” She watched him walk through the adjoining door and lock it as Em’s heart completely broke in two. She’d ruined it. He was done. He was gone. He was leaving and she was going and she would never speak to him again because her Daniel wasn’t hers anymore. One person down, eight to go.

She brought her bags down to the lobby alone, everyone standing there waiting to say goodbye. Michael got a hug, she’d said everything she needed to earlier that day. Blake was beside him, wrapping her in a full body giant one and holding her tight.

“You know I love you, don’t you? I really love you.” Blake grinned and pulled her close again.

“Love you too, Ems. Moving beside you was the best decision I ever made.”

Saying goodbye to Michelle and Adam was hugs and whispers of seeing them for Christmas when she knew it was a lie. Grace pulled her into a hug that only a mother figure could, whispering in her ear.

“We’re coming over for Silverstone and yours and Dan’s birthdays, so we’ll see you then. We love you Em. If you need anything I’m only a FaceTime away. Don’t let them get you down when you’re with your family.”

“I love you too, Grace.”

Joe got a hug and a murmured love you, his hand patting her back soothingly. The kids were last, sulking as Em squatted down in front of them.

“So I got my angels a present to say goodbye, cause I know I didn’t get to see you lots. Want to see them?” There were identical nods and Em strapped the bracelets on, Isaac’s on a black cord and Isabella’s on a purple one.

“It matches the one I made you and Uncle Dan,” Isabella murmured as Em pulled her into a tight hug.

“It does. It’s a reminder that I love you both so very, very much. No matter how far away we are, I’m always going to love you, okay? Don’t ever, ever forget that. Pinkie promise me?” She held out her little fingers, laughing as they both enthusiastically took part in the ritual. She pulled them in for a final hug, pressing kisses to both of their heads.

“See you on winter break!” Isaac grinned as he spoke, Em putting a tight smile on her face. 

“We call it summer break, but I’ll see what we have to do then buddy.”

“Do you want a lift to the airport? I’ve got the rental?” Joe asked but Em shook her head.

“Nah, I’m good. I’ve got an Uber coming, I just want to get on the road. It’s hard enough to say goodbye to everyone I can’t drag it out much longer.”

“Fair. Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too, Joe.” Her phone buzzed with the notification that her driver was there and she started towards the door. Dan still hadn’t come down and that was it. He didn’t love her. He didn’t feel anything like how she did because no matter what he’d said, he’d never make her leave. But she made him leave. He was gone.

She was almost at the door when an oh too familiar voice called across the lobby, running up to them. 

“I didn’t think you’d be leaving already.”

“My Uber’s outside, I need to leave.”

“Oh.” There was none of their usual hugs, none of the subtle kisses he pushed to the top of her head when they were separated. He didn’t even squeeze her fingers. It was like they were strangers. “Send a text when you get to London?”

“Yeah, sure.”

She turned to get her luggage into the car, shielding her face from everyone with her hair. The driver lifted it in and she was soon safely ensconced in the back seat, tears falling down her cheeks as she waved goodbye behind partially tinted glass.

“Was that Daniel Ricciardo?” The driver asked, Em forcing a smile.

“Yeah, I work with him.” It was true for another five hours at least.

“He seems like a good guy.”

“He’s one of the best.”

Tears streamed down Em’s cheeks the entire way to the airport, through the fancy check in area and security, and following her into her first class pod. She mostly ignored the staff apart from nodding at them, continuing to cry and wipe her eyes on tissues. The tears barely stopped until Dubai, only aided by Blake’s near constant texts as soon as her email sent.

She knew when she arrived in London that she had about twelve hours before the boys landed, Blake texting even while he was on his flights. She sent a I got back safely, receiving another flurry of responses.

Em, what’s this email about?

What’s going on?

Tell me you didn’t mean to send this

Is it the travel? Do you want to slow down? Why?

Ems we need you. How am I supposed to tell everyone you’re not coming with us anymore? Did you meet someone? Did something happen?

We’re about to land in Heathrow. Dan’s going to his place and looks miserable. I’ll be at your door in less than two hours.

When she got the final text Em grabbed the bags she’d hastily packed with clothes and the things she needed for the next eight days until the boys had left London for Imola. The address of the last minute airbnb was in her email, getting an Uber to it handy. She was long gone by the time Blake arrived, sitting in her temporary home for the next while and planning what she had to do. They’d leave England on the Wednesday, she had five days to empty her flat.

It started with an email to her landlord to give up the lease. Her family reasons excuse was accepted quickly, the landlord told she had to leave London and the apartment would be vacant from the end of the month. After that she had to start planning on where to go to.

There were too many memories in London. Nearly every street reminded her of Dan, of days walking around hand in hand to show him her London, not the tourist one he knew. The city she’d moved to at eighteen with a dream and a student loan and where she’d discovered who she was. Dan was everywhere in the city for her - memories of their first kiss in the pub she’d spent too many hours in, museums she’d dragged him to, streets he’d stolen a kiss from her at with a grin and a chuckle when they were waiting to cross the road. The cafes and greasy spoons she’d brought him to with the promise of not telling Michael. She couldn’t stay there, it was too much.

But everywhere she thought of had memories of him. Filthy weekends away when they were at home because of covid, eating out to help out and driving to Manchester or Glasgow to spend time together and have hotel sex. The midlands were completely out because of Silverstone, of memories of Enstone and the Renault factory, of Milton Keynes and his goodbye from Red Bull.

The only big city she could think of without a memory of Dan - with only one memory of her boys - was Liverpool. Which meant her parents. Which meant a conversation she never wanted to have. Calling her mother wasn’t like calling Grace. But she didn’t have Grace in her life anymore, so she had to do it.

“Emma, what country do you deign to call us from today?” Her mother answered the phone, disdain dripping from every word.

“Good morning, Mother. I’m in England. I was calling because I need to ask for a favour from you.”

“Yes?”

Em swallowed, teeing up words on her too thick tongue. “I had to leave my job, they didn’t have the funding to keep me on. I was wondering if I could move home for a few weeks while I’m applying for new jobs. I want to leave motorsports, there’s too much travelling and I want to settle down.” She hit every keyword that her mother had as she checked her bank account balance, spotting her final pay deposited in the account. It was more than healthy thanks to travelling so much for work and Dan covering that under work expenses. But she needed to be sensible, and renting somewhere without a job would be a mistake.

“You can. You will need to pay rent while you’re here.”

“Of course. Just let me know how much. It wont be for long, it’s just a few weeks. It’ll be like I won’t even be there, if I’m not interviewing I’ll be in my bedroom.”

“Fine. Let me know when you plan to arrive.” She sounded bored of the conversation already.

“I’ll be back April twenty fourth. I can send you the train details then.

“See you then.”

The difference between the call with her mother and a call with Grace just cut the wound in her chest even harder. Grace never let a call end without a million “I love you”s between them. She made sure that Em spoke to everyone in the family, and if Joe was out at the garage she took a message and told Em that he loved her. Instead her mother hadn’t even asked if Em wanted to leave a message for her father.

It felt so, so wrong.

The list of things she had to do before the boys left for Italy was beginning to shrink, but there was still so much to do. She ignored Blake and Michael’s texts, refusing to even open them. The chats were archived so the red dots didn’t irritate her. Dan didn’t send her anything at all, yet more proof that he meant everything he said in Melbourne. He was done with her. She didn’t realise that emotional pain could hurt this much. She’d never believed in soulmates, never believed in fate. She always thought that if a relationship ended she’d get through it. But now? This not quite a relationship over? It ached to her core.

Friday morning she had an appointment with a solicitor, walking in with a tear stained sheet of what she wanted to leave to different people. She’d always fought with Dan about being prepared if something happened to him, not wanting to know what he left her. She was one of the two people who could decide what medical treatment he got if he couldn’t consent. She’d cried when he told her that day in Spa when they got that tragic news what he wanted if he was in a crash like that. That he trusted her to not let him stay on machines. Some of her nightmares included his plaintive “I don’t want false hope” that made her ache.

She didn’t trust her parents to not do the same for her. They’d keep her hooked up to machines for as long as possible, they’d insist it was for “hope”. Em didn’t know what hope, but she knew them. They’d barely spoken for five years apart from occasional texts and birthday cards, they didn’t have the right to decide what happened to her.

It was a blustery Friday morning when she walked into that office and signed the papers to say Daniel Ricciardo, Blake Friend, and Michael Italiano were the people who decided what would happen if she couldn’t make her own medical decisions. She gave the lawyer the makeshift will that was handwritten and tearstained. It was simple - her cookbooks and exercise equipment to Michael because he was always trying to adapt her recipes. All but one piece of her furniture to Blake. Her CDs and DVDs to Dan, along with the coffee table he kept falling over. Her collection of Dan’s raceworn helmets to Isaac and Isabella. Dan, Grace, and Michelle were to divide her jewellery between them based on who wanted what. The rest of her belongings were to be sold and the money put in Isaac and Isabella’s college funds. It was too easy.

Even after everything that had happened, even after walking away, she trusted her boys more than she trusted anyone else in the world.

After all of that her final task was to organise her storage unit and movers. That was easiest of all if Em was honest. A call to a moving company who agreed to put everything in the unit without her there, and walking into a storage company. She signed a two year contract and paid the full rent then and there, surprising the man at the counter. Now she was able to disappear.

The texts kept coming from Blake and Michael. WhatsApp and iMessage, even a signal account she’d forgotten she had on her phone. Michael sent her instagram DMs so she deleted the app instead of trying to avoid reading them and appearing online. But finally it was Wednesday and she knew exactly when the boys were flying out of London City Airport. She’d organised the private flight for them, booked the plane and made sure the flight was as clean as possible. As soon as they’d take off her plan could start.

Walking back into her apartment felt too normal, just checking her post and finding it mostly full of letters from Blake. Get in touch, we’re worried, we miss you. Sentiments she knew he’d share but it would be easy for him to forget about her. The letters went out in recycling and she began to pack up her life.

The boxes were settled easily. Storage, donating, and Dan’s stuff. The ones for him filled quickly, clothes and accessories and things he’d left lying around the apartment that had become theirs instead of just hers. It took three boxes to get rid of the sense of him.

The storage boxes were easier, but the final thing she had to do at four that Sunday morning was decide what to do with her helmet wall. Ever since Monaco and his win, Dan had given her his race worn helmet for any new race design. She could name which race each of them was from, and in the middle was her Monza win one. McLaren had wanted it for the MTC but Dan refused to give it over, insisting it was his and he was keeping it. They got the trophy so he got the helmet. And then he put it in the middle of the IKEA shelves that they’d spent a weekend putting together and laughing.

Part of her - a large part if she was truly honest - wanted to donate them. Get rid of them for the clean break she insisted she needed. But she couldn’t. They were the good parts of the last four years, the best part of her life and the reminder that for years she got to love Daniel Ricciardo and travel the world with her best friends. Once she was settled somewhere she’d put them all back up to get her and explain to whoever asked that she was a part of Formula One for a short while, and it meant so much to her.

It took longer than she expected to get them wrapped carefully and boxed away. Two just about fit in one box, but they were light at least. When they were carefully labelled with the races, a tear falling from her eye when she wrote Monaco 2018 on a box in looping letters, she sat down to write notes to her boys. They deserved more than a resignation email and leaving without saying goodbye but if she saw them in person she wouldn’t walk away. She was barely strong enough to do that the first time. Em couldn’t do it again.

Dan’s took the longest. It started with anger. How could you make me love you when you didn’t love me back scrawled angrily, tears staining the lined pages as she wrote everything. But she couldn’t give it to him how she’d written it. She couldn’t deliberately hurt him. It wasn’t Dan’s fault that she’d fallen in love with a man who couldn’t love her back the way she wanted him to love her. It was her fifth draft, still tear stained, that was the one she was giving him.

Danny,

I’m sorry I didn’t say this in person but I couldn’t do it. We both know that things between us haven’t been working for a while. It’s nobody’s fault. I guess we just wanted different things. It happens to us all. But we’re both done and writing this is easier than another long conversation and another fight.

Go be happy. I’ll cheer you on from wherever I end up, no matter what. You’ve changed so many lives, mine included. Thank you for the amazing years and experiences. You let me do things that so few people ever get to do and I can’t thank you enough for that.

Emma

Michael and Blake’s were harder and easier. She only needed one attempt at them, trying to wipe the tears before they fell.

Blakey,

I’m sorry for leaving like this. I’m sorry for leaving you in the lurch, but I made sure that everything logistically is booked until the summer break. Just get him where he needs to be on time, you were always better at that than me.

I love you. You’re my big brother and i wasn’t going to make you choose between me and Dan, that was never going to be fair. I’ll be happy and I want you to be happy too. Find a girl and settle down or bring her around the world. I’m rooting for you the entire time.

Will you make sure everyone in the paddock knows I love them? Tell Chloe and Scotty to get their wedding planned. Chloe will be the most beautiful bride and I’m so sorry I won’t get to see her in person. Scotty will look ok, I guess.

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Ems

PS - the extra key is for my storage unit. A1 Storage in Wimbledon. Figured you’d be a good person to have it.

She folded Blake’s letter into an envelope and labelled it before writing the last one. Somehow this was the hardest, having to ask Michael to do what she couldn’t.

Mike,

I’m sorry for leaving and I’m sorry for asking you to pass a message on but I know you will. I love you so much. You made lockdown bearable even when I was being a bitch, and you made me actually enjoy exercising you cruel man.

Tell everyone that I love them and I’m sorry? You let me know exactly what a family is and how I deserve to be loved and that’s something I can never thank you enough for. Ever. I can’t make people decide between me and Dan. He wins every time and that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s easier if I just leave.

Tell Grace and Joe I love them and I will forever be grateful for their love and support. Let Michelle know that she’s the best big sister ever. Please make sure that Isaac and Isabella know that I love them no matter what. It’s not their fault I left and I will always love them. Whoever gets to be their auntie is the luckiest person in the world and I wish it got to be me.

Tell all your family I love them, and ti voglio bene to Nadia and your Nana. I love you all so much, and I’m cheering you all on from wherever I end up.

Love,

Em

When the movers came she handed them the key to the storage unit, letting them know what to do. Everything was out of the apartment in a few moments and Em took a last look around her almost empty apartment. The memories were suffocating. Dan tripping over the coffee table, the London lockdown when they got back from Australia and they lied to Michael about what the yoga mat’s primary purpose was. The way Dan danced with her in the dark kitchen, distracting her from finding food for them in the fridge and getting them to sway in the silence. The kisses and living together like he loved her the same way she loved him.

He’d been blowing up her voicemail since Wednesday and she deleted them I listened to. The first “Emmy” hurt her too much, so she decided to practice self preservation for once. As soon as her voicemail said “you have an unlistened to voicemail from Dan” it was deleted. The same with Blake and Michael. She couldn’t do it.

Finally it was time to leave, and she carried Dan’s boxes one at a time into Blake’s apartment. The three were stacked one atop the other, the letters on top of them. Em stared at her thumb, at the moon ring that had been there since Dan bought it for her calling her his moon on dark nights. She couldn’t bear to take off the three necklace hanging on her chest, but this she had to leave behind. She wasn’t his moon, and he was too bright to be her sun.

She slipped it off and rubbed her finger against the warm gold, pushing a kiss to it before stepping back. The final thing she needed to do was leave the envelope with her medical power papers and will on Blake’s coffee table before she locked the front door and slipped his keys in his post box. It was done. She was gone.

The tube to Euston was quicker than expected and she joined the trek to the Liverpool train, settling into her seat a few minutes before they were due to pull out. Her phone lit up with a notification that the race was about to start, illuminating the photo from lockdown of her and Dan holding Isaac and Isabella. They looked like a family. Em unlocked her phone and pushed her thumb firmly down on the F1 app to delete it. A clean break.

The train pulled off exactly at two, her mind echoing Crofty’s “lights out and away we go”. Dan was in the car and racing and all she wanted was a good points finish for him. But she couldn’t check. She couldn’t let herself find out what he was doing.

Her tears fell harder as the train pulled into Milton Keynes, the memories of the last time she’d done this train journey as Dan’s plus one. His leaving Red Bull party, staying in a hotel with him the week before they flew to Perth for Christmas. It was the only time she’d gotten to visit the impressive Red Bull factory. Meeting Max properly, Christian cornering her with his wife - and keeping her cool around Geri fucking Halliwell - to ask if she could convince Dan to come back. Getting whisked away from Helmut quickly when he tried to speak to her, meeting the mechanics and team that she’d seen at several races properly for once. Yet another place she could never visit again because all she’d think about was Dan.

Em made herself stop crying shortly after, pushing a cold bottle of water to her eyes. She couldn’t be red eyed or puffy seeing her parents. It was bad enough returning with her tail between her legs. She didn’t know if she’d survive the I told you so.

*

When Dan got out of the car in Imola he knew what he had to do. His first stop was being weighed and getting his slip, Mike pushing one of those AG1 drinks into his hand to down to get electrolytes and water back into him. After that it was media rounds, apologising to Carlos, and doing media. Once the debrief was finished it was London. He needed to get to Emmy. For the second time he’d gotten on a plane when he should have been with her and he needed to apologise. Needed to make things right.

“The jet will be ready when we finish? I need to get back to London tonight.” Michael handed him a McLaren branded shirt and pair of skinny jeans to put on once he was out of the shower.

“It’ll be ready. Mate, you need to know that she might not want—“

“She’ll see me. It’s Em. She’s my Emmy. She’s going to see me and I’m going to tell her everything. I can’t do this without her. I can’t. I dunno how I did it before.”

“Ok. Go shower and head out.”

The debrief was painful. Lando on the fucking podium, Dan last. They wrote off his technical debrief after the collision. It was clear Dan couldn’t have done anything, and the rest of his race was nothing to write home about. He should have just retired. It was shit and he just had to listen to how Lando had a flawless race and was extracting the most out of the tractor McLaren had built. He had to wait until it was over, half listening and taking notes while stewing.

All he could think about was Emmy. He hadn’t reached out because he thought she needed space, wanted time. He’d had the fucking ring in his pocket in the hotel room and then they’d fought and he couldn’t exactly get on one knee and ask her to marry him after that. But now she was gone and she’d been gone for weeks and he didn’t know. He needed her to be ok. He needed to go home and see her on the couch and beg for her forgiveness because he was hers. His apartment was so fucking lonely, driving in and out of the factory without seeing her. Without going to sleep curled up beside her and waking up with the fairy lights glowing as she read whatever dog eared book she was rereading that month.

The voicemails were being listened to. Her inbox went from full to empty and he kept texting, determined to get through to her. Needing her to talk to him. To say anything at all. People kept asking where she was, he laughed it off and gave the excuse of family stuff. Natalie had nodded and said she hoped Em would be back soon. Chloe had looked at him oddly when she heard the excuse but he shrugged and moved on. The elder Stroll could be terrifying and he didn’t want to get on her bad side. Not even Scotty could save him from that.

There was nothing he could do but wait to be freed. The moment they were able to break - after Dan apologised to the mechanics for the job they’d have to do on the car - he was on his way to the driver room. Blake and Michael were already there with bags packed and ready to go.

It was a two hour flight to London and they landed at nine. After forcing their way through traffic in a black cab it was after nine thirty by the time they arrived at Blake and Em’s building. Dan stepped out of the car and grabbed his bags, heading straight upstairs to the two identical doors. He didn’t realise when it became more normal to stand in front of Em’s door than Blakes, but it had years before. He knocked twice to no response.

“Em? I’ve got my key, I’m coming in.”

The lock turned easily with the familiar key and Dan set his bags down to flick the light switch. What he saw terrified him.

The room was empty. The couch that killed his back, the coffee table his shins hated, gone. The bookshelves and the kitchen table they’d spent a lockdown day building, gone. Her helmet collection was missing. Em had once told him that if the building went on fire she would save whichever helmets she could. If they were gone, she was gone.

He ran to her bedroom but everything was missing. The fairy lights they’d taped up with double sided tape. Her bed. The throw cushions he laughed about. Even the case at the bottom of her wardrobe with the lingerie he’d bought her was gone. Her pink boots weren't there. It was like nobody had lived there for years. He couldn’t even smell her perfume in the air.

“Dan?” He hadn’t realised tears were streaming down his face when he turned to see his best mates standing in the doorway. “Mate, you need to see this.”

He followed them back to Blakes, pausing to lock Emmy’s front door. She had to come back. The idea that she wouldn’t come back was impossible.

Until he saw the boxes.

Three of them, neatly stacked almost up to Blake’s chest. There were three envelopes on them, and a glint of gold on top of one. He nearly ran to it, ignoring the post race soreness going through his body to see the ring he’d given her sitting on top of the one neatly labelled Daniel.

She’d used his first name. Emmy never used his first name unless something was wrong. He’d fucked up so badly that he didn’t want to open it.

Instead he held the ring firmly in his palm, the metal cold against his hand. She was there. She had been there and now she was gone and he didn’t know what to do. But instead he followed what Blake and Michael had done and opened his letter.

It was how impersonal it was that killed him. Em was done. She’d be fine. Thanking him for bringing her around the world and letting her work with him. She didn’t want another fight and she thought he was done with her.

She didn’t love him like he loved her and for a brief moment that made him want to die. The moments they’d shared, the times they’d said they loved each other. The times he’d held her and traced I love you down her back or against her clit when he was eating her out, desperate for her to know but too afraid to say it. The 'y’know, right?'. Everything from the last nearly four years. None of it had ever mattered because she wouldn’t have married him. He had her ring in his fucking ever present backpack and thank God he hadn’t tried to propose because she’d have said no and he’d have been humiliated.

“I guess you were right. Buying the ring was a mistake.”

His choked voice broke the silence, but it was Michael who got the next sentence in, cutting off Blake’s question about the ring.

“Mate, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“She doesn’t love me like I love her. I was wrong. I just got my heart broken so please, don’t rub it in right now?”

“Did you read any of what she wrote?”

“Yeah. She’s done. She thanked me for letting her travel with us. Like she didn’t earn her place. She signed it Emma. I was wrong, ok? I was wrong and I can’t take you rubbing it the fuck in when I think Im gonna break.”

“What happened? Because the two of you were fine in Bahrain, and then after Saudi she disappeared and skipped Perth, and she was barely in Melbourne. What happened with you?” Blake was the one who asked, Dan flopping on the couch beside him. He held out his much shorter letter for them to read.

“Things were weird when we got back after Christmas. Then we had covid and got through it. And Saudi fucking happened. With everything going on and keeping her safe I didn’t see her till after the race and she was already leaving. And in Melbourne we… We had a fight.” The memories of what he’d said were circling again, the anger between them, Em telling him to leave again. Him walking away.

“We thought that much. You didn’t even hug her goodbye.”

“She told me to leave!”

“In self preservation.” Michael’s voice was low and Dan was almost afraid of his best friend. “She said she didn’t want to make us choose between you and her, that she knew we’d pick you. So she left. I have to tell your fucking family she’s gone, by the way. She asked me to. So you’re going to tell me everything that’s happened between the two of you and we’re going to fix this. What the fuck did you do?”

He wanted to be annoyed that he was being blamed but he couldn’t blame the boys. So he let everything out.

He told them about wanting to kiss her in Blake’s that first night, of Monaco and their agreement that it was over once she left Monaco. Coffee and Silverstone and her birthday drinks. Spa and I love you when they were faced with the reality of what could happen with his job again. Em begging him to never leave her behind, that no matter what he wouldn’t leave her alone. Her dick of an ex who’d destroyed her self-esteem and meant she lost her friends. The meaning of 'Y’know, right?', the phrase that had been their mantra since 2019. That he hadn’t slept with anyone else since he’d met her because he just knew she was supposed to be his. That he’d bought the ring when they spent Christmas 2020 together but was just waiting for the right moment. And then in Saudi she’d been sobbing and he sent her away. He made Blake take her away from him. From them. He’d broken his fucking promise and again in Australia he walked away when he should have stayed in that room.

She’d picked the fight. She’d picked it so she’d be left alone and leave and the realisation of how well she fucking knew him hurt so much. She knew him like the palm of her hand and for a minute he forgot about it.

“Let me get this straight. You’ve known just how shit her family is for longer than any of us, and I’m the only one who’s actually met them. She asked for exactly one thing from you which was don’t leave her alone. And in Saudi, one of the countries she’s most scared of being away from us for any length of time, you made her go back to the hotel and stay there on her own. She begged you to stay and was sobbing and you left her to cry when she asked you to stay? I could fucking punch you right now.” He nodded at Michael’s words, shame filling every cell in his body.

“You made us leave her alone.” Blake spoke and Dan thought he was going to be sick. “In Melbourne. The morning of the race. 'Em’s going with my parents. She wants family time.' She didn’t know she was going with them, did she? Why?”

“She… I… No. We weren’t ok. I didn’t know if I could be in the car with her. Not after that night.”

“What happened?”

“I… Fuck. She kept the door between our rooms locked that whole week. But Saturday night it wasn’t locked. I had a habit of just trying it, just in case. It was open and I went in. I just lay down on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep for a while before falling asleep. I left before she woke up. She didn’t know, she was asleep the whole time.”

“You think our Ems was asleep for a full night before a fucking race? Are you an idiot? Did you get brain damage in that crash today? She doesn’t fucking sleep! You slept in the same bed as her for four fucking years and you don't know that? She’s into me for melatonin every damn night because she can’t sleep worrying about you. She was awake that entire night and you left her without saying a goddamn word and then you abandoned her again. Again, Dan. Don’t tell me you did something stupid and cheated on her like her fucking ex.”

“I never cheated. I haven’t touched another woman.” The thought made him sick. “I’m not that asshole. You know I’m not.”

“I don’t mean to be funny Dan. She lived beside me for nearly five years. She’s my friend. And now her apartment is for rent, your shit is here, and she’s told us all goodbye and to give messages to the people she loves. So you might not have cheated on her, but you broke her. It took us four years to help Em feel like herself again and put her pieces back together and you broke her.” Blake was opening another envelope mixed in with the post on his coffee table that Em had left in as he spoke, eyes widening slightly. Before he could get the words out Michael had to.

“You’re telling your family, by the way.” His voice was solid, a way Dan had never heard before. “She asked me to tell them but I can’t. I can’t break those kids hearts and tell them their auntie Emmy loves them forever but she can’t see them again. I can’t tell your sister that she’s lost a sister, and I can’t tell your parents that you ran off the woman they want you to marry. That the woman your mum teaches family recipes to had to leave, because you fucked up that much. You know she’s their second daughter, right? Even before whatever the fuck you’ve been doing started they adored her. From Monaco. Em’s lost the only decent mother she’s ever had because of you. She didn’t want to make us choose but if she was here right now I’d choose her over you any day.”

“If you think she doesn’t love you, read this.” Blake held out a package of papers, Dan skimming them.

Everyone in his line of work was familiar with leaving a will behind. The fucking academies basically demanded it at this point. He’d put Emmy on his own medical power of attorney form after Spa, told her what he was leaving her when she was ready for that conversation after Roman nearly died in Bahrain. 

But Emma wasn't racing cars every weekend, so she didn't need the papers she signed. She didn't need to leave a will behind, but his name was there to make decisions for Em. She’d left him specific things. The cold fear snaked up his spine, tightening around his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

“She wouldn’t. She won’t do anything stupid. It’s Em, she wouldn’t.” The words came out as a rush but certain. She wouldn’t hurt herself. God, he couldn’t live with himself if she did.

“It’s probably just a precaution. But Jesus Christ, Dan. She’s gone. We have no idea where she is, we don’t even know what country she’s in. We don’t know what kind of head start she has and with the amount of frequent flier miles she has she could be anywhere. We can probably cross off here and Australia, but that doesn’t take away much.” 

“I need to leave.” Dan turned to see Michael pick up his bag. “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk. I’ll email you workout plans. She’s my fucking sister, Dan. She’s my little sister and I trusted you knew what you were doing with her. She said goodbye to me and I didn’t even know. You… I can’t look at you right now. I’m this close to quitting too because I don’t know you anymore. The Dan I grew up with? He would have said something. He wouldn’t make the woman he kept saying he was going to make his wife run away. He wouldn’t make her feel unloved. Just work out what you’re going to do. I’ll be on the plane to Miami but I don’t know if I’ll see you before then.” Dan watched as his oldest friend, the man he’d known since primary school, who’d supported him through thick and thin, walked out of the apartment into the London night.

“She’s gone. She’s really gone and she’s not coming back. I… I have to find her, Blake. I can’t do this without her.”

“You need to work out what you’re doing. You need to tell your family she’s gone. You need to do your job. We’re all hurting right now and yeah your heart is breaking. But its my job to do tough love and tell you that you need to work first and then think about her.” He stared at Blake in shock. “I’m pissed. But work first. Em somehow managed to take everything off my plate when she was leaving, because she didn’t want to make things hard on me. Go home, Dan. I have to call Chloe Stroll and tell her Em’s not coming back.”

“Not yet. Please. Let me f—“

“I’m telling her. You can hide it from the media, from your family, whatever. Chloe is Em’s best friend outside us. Do you really think she hasn’t tried calling Em already? Really?” Dan nodded once. “Go home. Your place, not the empty apartment next door you called home. Go home and get your shit together. Em would kill you if you fucked up a race over her.”

Dan got an Uber on his phone, taking his bags downstairs along with his letter from Em. He slipped the moon ring onto his little finger, settling it just above the sun. He needed her back. He just didn’t know how to find her.