#and b: within about. hmm. 10 minutes started telling me about how happy he is for his gay son that recently moved to California

[nat-20s]

Being weird with ur gender is 100% contagious btw in a very cool and fun way. Turns out that when you live ur best "you can do whatever you want forever" life in general it's contagious. This is why being a weird little freak is also contagious I always loved hanging out with sorority girls bc something about my personality made it so I was the one that they felt completely comfortable being like "my secret shame is that I can do a REALLY fucking good Billy Crystal impersonation and I have to suppress it so that I'm not in Billy Crystal mode constantly" I'd just be like "ok girl well let's hear it!" And it was pretty solid

[johnkrrasinski]

So It Goes... 

full masterlist

Pairings: Rock star/Bassist!Bucky Barnes x female!reader (AU)

Word count: 7,149 

Warning: fluff, SMUT! but mostly just me falling in love with bucky, really.

Summary: natasha romanoff aka your annoying roommate coerced you into the howling commando’s live performance at a divebar near your dorm. little did you know, it was going to lead you to the man of your dreams aka the charming rock star boy/bassist, james buchanan barnes.

a/n: this one’s written for @sourpatchkidsandacokecan​‘s “Little Darlin’s Mysteru AU” challenge. i chose band/rockstar au. here’s another love letter to bucky barnes because i love that man with my entire heart and every fic that i write about him is basically just me expressing my deep affection for this man. hope you guys enjoy this one cause i certainly do! also, rock star/boy band bucky is such a concept omg i’m in love

You laid in your twin-sized bed as you heard the chirping sounds of the birds outside of your window. They were singing cheerily as if they knew what you were feeling and they were celebrating with you. It felt like you were in a Disney movie that you used to obsess over as a kid, where you are the lovestruck princess because you just met a handsome prince who swept you off your feet at first sight.

The birds outside of your window are your animal pals who swoon over you swooning and they spontaneously harmonize and dance to this newfound joy. You couldn’t resist the smile taking over your face. It was too early for you to be awake on a Saturday morning. You were always up by 10 AM. No more, no less. But it was currently 8.45 AM and you still had at least one more hour to get up and be productive.

But not today. Today, you were going to welcome this exhilarating sensation in your bones, and you were going to savour every second of it. Because you couldn’t shake away those baby blue eyes and that suave, boyish charm. The way, they electrified you by first glance and made you tremble when those pupils dilated. You could still feel the way his soft, plump lips hypnotized you last night. And the raunchy way he held you at the bar.

Even when all was said and done, he found a way to haunt you in your dreams.

And you didn’t mind one bit.

-

You were currently in the middle of a crisis due to your upcoming final week. If there’s any word to describe you as a college student, it would be ambitious. The idea of failing or getting less than B+ makes you go ballistic. You were an active student. You joined multiple organizations that expanded your social life. You got along with mostly everyone in your classes and you had your professors’ respect too for your excellent grades and polite manners.

But your lack of dating life irked no one else more than your roommate, Natasha. You loved Natasha with your entire heart, really. She was like a sister to you. You were an only child so you cherished her older sister role in your life. She was, in fact, several months older than you and she always protected you like her own. Starting from the asshole that broke your heart in high school, despite only knowing him through your story, to incessantly pushing you to stop being such a nerd and have more fun.

Natasha was the kind of woman you don’t wanna mess with. She was loyal, brave and quick-witted. She knows how to keep her GPA high, whilst also maintaining a fun social life. She managed to do it all so effortlessly. 

“C’mon, y/n! Just one night! You need to let loose and release all tension on your shoulders, baby. It’s good for your brain before finals start!”

“Noooo, Nat. Rock bands are not my thing and I’d have a higher chance of acing the tests if I study now, okay? Just go. Have fun without me and tell me how it goes.”

“But my boyfriend’s performing, y/n. And I want you to meet him! I promise they are really good. Even if you're not into the music, you can still go for the drinks, right? Also, they’ve got other cute members available so, you might find your own rock band boyfriend too if you go.” She winked. Her smirk was menacing.

“Ugh, I’m not interested in finding a boyfriend, Nat.”

“I know, but wouldn’t hurt if you do, right? Then we can go on double dates and have them write songs about us. Oh God, it’s going to be awesome.”

“Whoa, slow down. I haven’t even learned their names, yet and we are already discussing double dates?”

“Alright, let’s just start with putting on your sexy clothes and meet them yourself. Then we can move onto picking one gorgeous beast for you.”

“What makes you even think that they’d be interested in me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, y/n. Have you never owned a mirror? You are a total babe. You just need to get yourself more action.”

“Ugh, I don’t know, Nat…”

“You are going. And I’m not leaving until you get up and put on something cool. I have patience, baby and I’m going to annoy you all night if you stay. What do you prefer? Going out and have fun and meet some cute boys or me annoying you all night so you can’t study productively.” She glared at you. Her tone indicated that there was no compromise.

“Alright, I’m going. But that’s only because I wanna meet your boyfriend, alright? Not because I wanna find a boyfriend or whatever stupid shit you’re thinking.”

“Yay!” She jumped in excitement. Her face was content with joy and satisfaction from succeeding in persuading you. “Alright, let’s dig through your clothes.” She started rummaging your shared closet and observed meticulously each one of your outfits. “Hmm… Let’s try this one!” She picked up a strapless black sequin dress that you hadn’t worn in forever. You didn’t even remember packing it up in your baggage and brought it with you to your dorm.

You began stripping yourself out of your oversized hoodie and high-waisted shorts. You didn’t feel embarrassed changing in front of Natasha, you had seen each other naked many times. You were roommates after all and sometimes, you just had to be comfortable with the fact that you had private body parts underneath and within the course of four years, eventually, you had to get used to flashing one another at some point.  

You put it on as you started to feel a little uncomfortable. You weren’t used to wearing skimpy dresses. Already wearing it for less than three minutes, you were constantly lifting the hem of the dress to prevent it from exposing your boobs and revealing your inner thighs. And the material felt itchy on your skin too. “Nat, I’m not sure about this. Let’s just wear a leather jacket and jeans.”

“Nonsense! You look bomb! Give your leather jacket and jeans a break, alright? Okay, turn around so I can see your behind.”

You twirled as she said, restlessly.

Tonight was going to be a longspun night…

-  

The air felt crisp against your skin, as the breeze swept through your freshly curled hair, causing a few strands shading your sight. You struggled to walk steadily in your 7-inch heels that belonged to Natasha because you didn’t have a pair of your own. You were cool with wearing ankle boots pairing them with a sparkly dress. But Natasha didn’t think it was a cute look.

“What? Boots and dresses don’t go along, honey. Oh my, you need a serious makeover!” She was derailed.

You eventually settled with a silk red dress with a seductively low cleavage on the front, exposing the globes of your breasts. You were already as uncomfortable as it is, this dress didn’t make it any easier to act normal.

So you had to endure walking in these deadly shoes of torture, whilst clad in nothing but a scanty material with makeup painting your entire face. Great. What had you gotten yourself into? Damn you, Natasha.

You and Nat were walking arm in arm to the bar where “The Howling Commandos” were performing. That’s the name of the band that Natasha’s boyfriend was in. They have been a group for 5 years now, they had been doing this since they were in high school. Clint and the rest of the members were several years older than you and Nat. As soon as they graduated, they decided that they wanted to keep making music rather than working mundane, dead-end jobs.

Yep, Natasha told you that much.

Clint and Nat had been dating for two years now. They rarely saw each other due to the band’s packed schedule. Although, they would FaceTime each other every night, talking about each other’s days. You heard it all, from their most disgustingly adorable flirtations, to the most inappropriate, not so PG-13 confession.

They would literally pretend to smooch one another through the screen when you were doing your homework or when you had your nose deep in a book. You’d try to cover your ears by putting on your earbuds and turning up the volume so you could give them privacy but also, you didn’t wanna hear them talking about what they wanted to do to each other if both of them were here.

You knew Clint well enough to not feel like you were meeting a complete stranger. Natasha would often tell you to say hi to him and she had told you a lot of wonderful things to Clint. Clint would often talk about the band too on the phone, how someone called “Bucky” would piss him off by stealing his leftover sandwich. Or someone called “Sam” would often interrupt their chat by reminding him that it was soundcheck time.  

“I gotta go, babe. Sammy’s not gonna stop yelling.”

“Aw, okay, tell the boys I say hi! Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.”

It’s like a daily podcast for you every night.

The dive bar where The Howling Commandos were performing thankfully wasn’t that far from your dorm. Natasha was super thrilled when Clint told them that they were going to perform here. They were finally able to see each other after a while, and because this was going to be their last gig until they come back with a new album, he said he was going to stay and spend some time with Nat.

You were happy for both of them. You’d never say it out loud but, a part of you was secretly jealous of their love. They managed to maintain such a fun, loving, and healthy relationship despite the distance and differences. Natasha once told you that she was never one to settle with a man for too long but, Clint changed the game for her. You smiled at the thought. They were genuinely in love. If you were to find yourself a boyfriend, you wanted the type of love that they had.

But not tonight. You were okay with being single. Just because a part of you wanted what Clint & Nat had, doesn’t mean that you actually need it or you’d die. You were too much of a goal-oriented person to be chasing over something that should come naturally. You had grown so comfortable in being alone, that you stopped desiring love so much. It wasn’t getting you anywhere. So you lived your life, being grateful for your friends and family. You invested your time in your education and passion. You were content.

When you arrived at the bar, the room was full with a crowd. You walked in with Natasha trying to make a space for yourself so you could walk through them. You could barely anything else due to the number of bodies blocking your view. Natasha held your hand as she took the lead and fought through the crowd to get to the front, where she could get the best view.

There was a blonde-haired woman standing on the front, so close to where the band were going to play. When Natasha slightly grazed her whilst trying to stand next to her, she didn’t look the slightest bit happy. She glared at Natasha as Natasha noticed. She glared back at her.

“Excuse me, there’s more space in the back, maybe you can stand there instead of cutting through the line.”

“Excuse you, miss. I’m dating the band’s drummer, so I can stand wherever I want, thank you very much. If you don’t like that, then the exit is right there.” She pointed to the door of where we walked in from.

The blonde woman rolled her eyes as she folded her arms against her chest. After you stared at her reaction, you realized that you actually know her. She was in the same social science class with you. You had never really talked to her because she often sat in the back and immediately left after the class was done, but you remembered her name. Her name was Dottie Underwood. Your classmates called her Dot. The ones that she liked anyway.

You decided to stay quiet and let it pass. It’s not like she even recognized you even if you start a chat with her. You don’t think it was a good idea either since she and Nat literally just snarked at each other. You directed your sight to the stage and waited for the famous Howling Commandos to appear.

One of the spotlights turned and highlighted a man walking on stage before he talked into the microphone at the centre. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, a group of brilliant lads, that make all the ladies go feral wherever they go, and their showstopping music are going to make us sing and jump tonight. Please welcome, The Howling Commandos!”

The crowd roared with cheers, the sounds of their enthusiasm filled the atmosphere. Their claps were jovially in sync as four, drop-dead gorgeous young men stepped into the stage as their presence shifted the energy in the room.

The first one was a blonde-haired with breathtaking bone structure, forming a ridiculously handsome face. His hair shone under the spotlight like the sun amidst the clear sky. He had an amiable demeanour about him. His smile was gentle and welcoming. He waved to the crowd and stood directly behind the microphone.

The second one to walk in was a dark-skinned man with an undeniable charisma oozing out of him. He had a neatly trimmed beard that only added to his spicy appeal. His smile was radiant as he also waved the crowd. He stood on the left side of the stage, a couple of steps behind Steve who was apparently the lead singer.

The third one to walk in was Clint. He was everything Nat described him to be. Placid and nonchalant. His smile was amenable as he greeted the crowd. He walked directly to the background, where the drumset was placed. He sat down on the drummer’s chair as he picked up the sticks he was going to play with.

The last one to enter was a literal Disney prince coming to life. His prominent boyish charm completely bedazzled you. His blue eyes gleamed under the spotlight as they lingered on you for a second. He immediately shifted his gaze as he kept walking towards the right side of the stage, but you swore that when he caught you staring dumbfoundedly at him, you could see the flash of a quick smirk on his face.

He only nodded to the crowd as he confidently picked up the bass guitar that was previously placed on the floor and put on the leather straps around his neck. His eyes turned back to you as you found yourself still bluntly staring at him. Something about him just enchanted you. He had that boy-next-door charm about him but also, a bad boy persona that was irresistibly enticing.    

That flash of smirk that you saw earlier resurfaced and it was getting harder for you to pay attention to anyone or anything else in the room other than him. His gaze grew more intense as the noises of the crowd faded into the background. You were lost in this lethal game of eye contact until Natasha accidentally elbowed you by screaming her lungs out to respond to the lead singer’s introduction.

“Good evening, SHIELD’s Nest! How are we feeling tonight?” The lead singer vivified the crowd. They responded with a reassuring reaction. “I’m Steve Rogers and these are my buddies,” he turned his head to the left, as he started introducing the other band members.  “The handsome guy right there is Sam, and in the back, there’s Clint, our brilliant drummer boy and this ladies’ charmer right here is Bucky.” As he pointed to the magnetic man who had held your attention hostage since he first walked in.

“And we are The Howling Commandos.” He paused for a second before carrying on with his prelude. “Alright, so the first song that we’re going to play tonight is called ‘Rusted Love’. Enjoy.” Steve removed his mouth from behind the microphone and started cueing the band to play. “1,2…”

Sam and Bucky started strumming the first few notes as a few people cheered. Then Clint jumped in, flaunting his talent in mastering the drum with his sticks. The energy in the room felt more energized as people started moving a part of their bodies. Then Steve amazed the room with his sultry voice, singing the words that echoed through the Sound system of the bar.

“I’m a flying kite in a hurricane, you paralyzed me with your touch and your lips got me addicted…” Steve shut his eyes, relishing the rune. You had a feeling that those lyrics wouldn’t just stay lyrics tonight…

-

They played another four songs that night. The crowd danced, jumped and screamed the words to their song passionately. You, on the other hand, was probably the most tranquil person in the crowd. You didn’t really know much about the band, let alone their music. So when everyone was constantly pushing you because they were too lost in the moment, you eventually tried to get out of the crowd and sat on the bar instead. Natasha was also too lost in supporting her boyfriend, that she almost didn’t notice you leaving.

Through the vibration of the crowd and the music, you had to really lean in to get Natasha’s attention and to get her to hear you. “Nat! I’m gonna sit in the back and wait there. I’m a little thirsty.” She had a giant smile on her face due to the zest the band inflicted. “Okay!” She yelled back, then carried on with her foxy moves.

You struggled to walk through the crowd, trying to not step on anyone’s feet as you made your way to the barstool. What you didn’t notice was, Bucky’s disappointed on his face when he saw you walking out on him. He noticed that you weren’t exactly as thrilled as anyone else. Although, he noticed your stolen glances as you shied away from him when he stared back. He even tried to wink at you once but you immediately looked to the floor, hiding away your blush. He swore he saw the way your cheeks reddened. Not that he wasn’t used to getting that reaction anyway…

You exhaled a breath of relief as you finally broke out of the congested mass of people. You sat on the barstool as you ordered a glass of rum and you waited as the music still reverberated robustly in your ears. You sat there as you started looking through your Instagram. Nat’s icon was the first one to appear in the row and you clicked it to see what you were expecting. She recorded a video of the band, then zoomed in to Clint, as he was ardently drumming the beat.

She put on a heart eyes and fire emoji with the text; “that’s my man!”. The next one was her and you singing along to the second song they played that night. You were able to actually mouth the words after they played the last chorus and you were a quick learner, so you memorized the repeated words easily after the third time. You scrolled through your feed a few more minutes until your order finally arrived.

“Enjoy, miss.” The waiter winked at you. He was probably in his mid-20s, he had warm brown eyes and a sweet smile. His dark hair was slicked back as you stared a little longer than you should. He was obviously attractive, but, you didn’t say anything back to him. You just smiled back in a friendly manner and uttered silenced thanks.

After sitting by yourself for about a half and an hour, like all good things, the show must come to an end. Steve Rogers concluded the show with a final thank you and goodnight as the spotlight shut down, like the drapes closing over a theatrical show. The crowd clapped and some of them started leaving, while others immediately went to the bar to quench the thirst from screaming along to volatile rock music and jumping up and down, getting lost in the tune.

Natasha patted your back as she jumped on the empty chair next to you. Thank God, she was quick on her feet, otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to get a seat. “Hey! God, I need a full shot of whiskey right now.”

“Yeah, go crazy.”

She scoffed. “Huh. As if that wasn’t crazy enough, back there.” She signalled the bartender to make an order. “So, what do you think? That was fun, right?” The cute bartender from earlier walked to her as he asked her what would she like to drink and she quickly replied.

“Yeah, they’re pretty good.”

“Pretty good? They’re damn talented. Especially the drummer back there. He totally killed it.”

“Yeah, okay, they are amazing. But you know their music isn’t my kind of music, so can’t say  I really enjoyed it that much.”

“Okay, but you must’ve at least enjoyed the view, right? Don’t think I didn’t catch you and bass boy making several eye contacts back there.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You took another sip of your glass to cover your embarrassment.

“Oh my God, you totally do! Look at you blushing!”

“I’m not!”

“Yes, you are! Admit it! You like Bucky, don’t you?” She playfully pushed you to tease you.

“Oh my God, shut up Nat! You’re causing a scene!” You tried to lower yourself, now that you’re able to speak in a normal volume.

“Nope, I won’t stop until you admit it. Don’t worry, y/n, Bucky’s always been a charmer, so I totally get your attraction.”

That caused a peculiar sickness in your chest. It’s not like you were falling in love with Bucky, no. You didn’t even know him enough to like him. He may be an eye-candy but if he’s really as “charming” as everyone is saying, then that means, he’s one of those dangerous fuckboys that you should avoid at all cost. Because that means, he’s probably only going to manipulate you into thinking that he really cares for you, when in reality, he only wanted to get in your pants. Nope, not gonna happen to you. You weren’t going to be a new notch in his belt.

“Well, then that means he is bad news and that gives me even more reason to feel anything but attraction toward him.”

“Oh, no, y/n, I don’t mean it like that. He’s really sweet, and he’s always been the most chill one in the group. Trust me, you’re gonna love him. Just, give him a chance first, alright? I’ve known him long enough to know that he’s into you.”

“Into me? Nat, he doesn’t even know my name.”

“He will.” She winked again, as she took a sip of her whiskey.

Not long after that, Clint appeared from behind, without Nat realizing. He surprised her by wrapping her waist from behind as he whispered into her ears; “how’s my best girl?” Nat was slightly stunned but as soon as she realized it was her boyfriend, her expression instantly turned into a joyful one. “Hi, baby!” They immediately smooched as she wrapped her arms around his neck while standing face to face now.

“Did you like the show?”

“I loved the show, you guys killed it as always. Oh, and by the way, this is y/n, my number one bestie and the best roommate anyone could ever ask for. Now you finally meet her in person!” Her excitement was genuine.

“Hi, y/n! Heard so many great things about you, but you probably can’t say the same, huh?”

“No, actually I can. Nat wouldn’t stop talking about you every night even when I’m blatantly ignoring her.” You joked.

“Well, is that right?” He looked at Nat to assess the truth on her face.

“Yep,” you carried on. “She would say you’re hot, funny and kind, and all these wonderful things. Including the ones that I’m not supposed to hear.”

They laughed. They kissed once more, as Clint stood next to her seat, ordering a drink for himself. Next to you, you could hear Nat saying, “oh, where are the boys? Are they not thirsty?”

“They’re just packing up, babe, they’re gonna join us in a few.”

“Good, ‘cause I think there’s someone y/n would like to meet.” She teasingly wiggled her eyebrows at you, as you sent her a murderous glare. Your lips silently mouthed, “what the fuck?” but Clint picked up her tone and he quickly got the message.

“Oooh, who is it? Is it Steve, Bucky, Sam? Just let me know which one you like and I’ll deliver them at your door tonight, y/n. They’re all single and ready to mingle anytime now.”

You laughed nervously. “No, no, no, no. Nat’s just saying shit.”

She turned her head to her boyfriend and shook it.  “No, I’m not. She and Bucky practically eye fucked on stage.”

You instantly slapped her arm, staring deadly into her eyes. “Ouch!” She put her hand on the spot that you struck, even though it wasn’t even that hard. Classic Nat. Dramatic as always.  “Nat, you can’t just–”

Before you even managed to finish your sentence, she darted her eyes to somewhere behind you as she pointed at whatever got her distracted. “Oh, here they are!” She smirked. She raised her eyebrows at you before she stood on her feet and hugged the anticipated men.

“Hey, guys! Killer show back there!” Nat started hugging Sam and he kissed her cheek, and then she moved onto Steve and the last one to join was Bucky. You muttered ‘shit’ to yourself as you pondered on how you should act. Should you act like nothing ever happened during the show between you two? Or were you going to address the elephant in the room, and just straight up flirt with him, now that he wasn’t being so closely watched anymore?

You didn’t know which would be the best option so you just took a big gulp and drank down the entire glass of Rum you had left. Maybe if you were less sober, you wouldn't excessively overthink. You weren’t even sure whether he was really staring at you or not. For all you knew, he could be staring at another beautiful girl in the crowd that was standing beside or behind you. And if you act impulsively now, this would be like that cheesy moment on Rom-Coms, where a girl waved back to the guy who she thought was waving at her but it turns out, he was actually waving at another girl who was coming from the same direction as her.

Nope, you weren’t going to be that girl.

So you just smiled and nodded along as Natasha introduced you to the rest of the boys. You didn’t want to be rude so you sat on your chair, facing them with an interested look, even though all you wanted to do was just shrink and leave this goddamn place.

“Hey guys, here’s my bomb-ass bestie slash roomie. Her name’s y/n! Isn’t she stunning?”

When Steve was about to offer his hand to you, Sam immediately inserted himself in front of you and Steve. “Well, hello, good-lookin’. Can I buy you a drink?” Sam, being the cool dude he was, he leaned back against the bar counter on his elbows as he shamelessly flirted with you.

“Nope, thank you. I just had one.”

“Oh, you look like you could use another one. Here, let me get that for you.” He cued the bartender to make an order and you instantly tried to stop him, telling him that it wasn't necessary, but it looks like the bartender was already taking his order for you.

And then, out of nowhere, Bucky suddenly stooped in like a hero. “Hey, Sam, why don’t you back off? This one’s mine, alright?” That elicited a questioning look out of you. “Mine?” He didn’t even know you.

“Oh wait, so this is the one you told us about in the dressing room?” What the hell? You thought. They were talking about you as if you weren’t there at all.

“Yep, so why don’t you fuck off and get out of here before I get myself drunk enough to shit on your bed?” His tone was menacing but you could tell that this was a normal, daily conversation between the two.

“Jeez, alright. I’mma leave. You don’t need to wave your dick all over my face.” Before Sam moved to another spot, he patted you on the back and said, “good luck.”

What? What the hell was that for? The bartender came in with your order and served another glass of Rum right in front of you.

“You don’t need to drink that if you don’t want to.” He carefully spoke to you, as if he was trying to not scare you away.

“No, I think I need to. Tonight’s been a pretty crazy night.” You took a sip, the cold drink felt nice on your tongue.

He chuckled. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“Oh, how crazy can it be for you? Isn’t this like, what you do, every night?”

“Yeah, but, you never really get used to it, you know? Sometimes you just wanna sit in the bar and have a nice talk with a pretty gal and hide in the booth or something.”

That… Warmed up your heart. Damn, if this is his way of flirting, it was truly working. You could see now why everyone was calling him ‘a charmer.’ He really had a way with words. And stares. His baby blues really know how to captivate you and froze you on spot.

“I’m Bucky, by the way.” He offered his hand to shake yours.

“I’m y/n.” You shook it with a smile.

“Did you like the show?” He asked.

“Gotta be honest with you, buddy, your music isn’t exactly my kind of music. But you guys were awesome.”

He paused for a moment as if he was contemplating what he was going to say next. “Think I got a little distracted up there.”

“Oh yeah? Why is that?”

“Cause there was this pretty lady in a red dress that I couldn’t take my eyes off of.” His gaze even grew more intense now. He was looking at you like you were the only thing in the room. Then his eyes darted to your lips, as he licked his. And before you knew it, he started inching his face closer to yours as he held his gaze on your plump, painted lips, while you could feel his breath more and more as the seconds went by.

And then… His lips were on yours. It’s like the clock just stopped ticking and every noise faded into the background and you were the only two people in the room. His lips felt soft against yours, and the way he licked your bottom lip made your head spin. You ajarred your mouth to let his tongue enter as it got tangled with yours.

You were aware that Nat, Clint and Steve who were having a conversation are now watching you like hawks, but you couldn’t care less. Not when Bucky’s hands grabbed your face, so he could have more control over your mouth. You were practically out of breath by the time he looked into your eyes, that are now slightly darker than a few seconds ago. He loved the sight of you, with your lips slightly swollen.

“Let’s go somewhere more secluded.” You could only nod and then took his hand after he offered you his as you got off the stool. He led the way and you couldn’t help but notice the glances that were thrown by several women along the way. They were staring at him with incontrovertible full of hunger eyes, one even shamelessly put her hand on his shoulder, as she coquettishly smiled at him. Bucky only smiled back and nodded at her but he kept walking with you in his hand.

Even if you were practically a pair, you felt invisible. Everyone’s eyes were on you, but not precisely on you. This must’ve been something normal to him, you thought. You weren’t used to big crowds and inundated with attention, and you weren’t used with unquestionably holding a stranger’s hand and letting him take you wherever he had in mind. But you did anyway, and you weren’t having second thoughts.

Bucky led you to the cramped lavatory and locked the door. The lack of space made it even harder for you to breathe when Bucky was this close to you. He pressed his body to yours, as he kissed you once more. Slowly, but you felt the spell in your bones. “All I could think about on stage was tasting those luscious lips.”

You were spellbound by his magic. You could barely speak another word when his baby blue eyes were looking at you so intensely like that. But you gathered every cell in your body to utter the words anyway, “do it again, then.” You boldly challenged him.

He grinned a Cheshire cat smile. He grabbed your face again and eagerly consume you with his mouth. He then moved his hands to the back of your thighs to elevate you onto the sink. He put his hand on your thigh and the other hand went to the back of your head as he grabbed a fistful of your hair, while still kissing you even deeper.

He pulled away to stare at your distraught state and asked the question, “can I touch you?”

You licked your lips, as you nodded. “Please.” His mouth was on yours again, as the hand that was on your thigh moved to the bottom your dress, delicately inserted his fingers to feel you against your red lace panties. You could feel yourself growing wetter and wetter as he motions his fingers in circle harder.

Your breath quickened. Your mind was getting hazy as the second passes by. The right strep of your dress had fallen off of your shoulder, and Bucky utilized that opportunity to pull down the other strap and he began groping your breast, tenderly pinching your nipple. That elicited a petite yelp out of you. He groped your breast once more as he was still toying with your nipple.

He began kissing your neck, shortly finding your sensitive spot as you threw your head back. You shuddered. Your hands grabbed his hair, wanting to feel him closer. “Bu- Bucky… Please. I need to feel you.”

You didn’t wait for his response and immediately lifted up his shirt. You were stunned by the sight under the dimmed light of the bathroom. Clothes really didn’t do this man any justice. He should never be allowed to wear any coverups, ever again now that you had seen him. He was sculpted by the Gods themselves. His biceps felt robust in your dainty hands and the V-shaped line on his hips led to somewhere you really wanted to wrap your lips around.

Your hands quickly zipped down his jeans and his boxer along with it, and you didn’t hesitate in feeling his throbbing member right there, right then. It felt tremendous in your trembling hands, and you felt it getting harder with every stoke of your palm.

“Oh, fuck, doll, don’t stop.” His voice was raspy in your ears. It was the sexiest goddamn sound you had ever heard.

“Yeah, just like that. Go faster, doll.” He sucked your earlobe and his hand fisted your hair, making a mess out of it. You didn’t mind one bit. You wanted to be a mess for him and only for him. You somehow still managed to pamper him with all the senses you had left, even if your mind was clouded with every part of him.

“Bucky, put it in me. Please.” You begged with a quavering voice.

“Your wish is my command, doll.” In a second, he pushed into you and it sent an electrifying jolt all over your nerves. You threw your head back in mingled pain and pleasure. He felt even more full now that he was fully seated inside you. He lifted you from the sink and pushed you to the wall on the opposite.

You circled your arms around his neck as your back was slammed against the concrete. Then Bucky began thrusting vigorously. You shut your eyes and moaned his name. Bucky, on the other hand, didn’t. He kept his eyes wide open to watch you with full attention. He loved seeing the way you were drunk in him. The way you forgot your name more and more every time he slammed back into you.

He loved the squelching noises ringing in his ears, better than the melody he was used to creating in the studio. The sound of your heartbeat was far more gratifying than the way Clint played his drum. Oh, how he could write an entire album solely about you in this state alone.

“You feel so good around me, doll. So. Fucking. Tight.” Your moans became louder with his filthy words in your ears.

“I’m gonna make you mine.” This time, his voice was sultry. It was rather beguiling than mortifying.

His hips kept moving and out of you with a vehement tempo, and then just like that, you crumbled. You screamed your pleasure, not caring if anyone could hear you. Bucky was still moving, trying to reach his own climax. Shortly, he was with you. He unleashed his cum deep inside you, adding the mess that was dripping all over your thighs.

You were a beautiful mess. And Bucky loved it.

After a few minutes, coming down from your high, you breathed into Bucky’s neck, not wanting for it to be over yet. You were a little scared that Bucky was going to walk out and pretend nothing ever happened between you. You didn’t know how many bathroom stalls Bucky had brought different women to and fucked them silly right there. You had a lot do unravel about him, yet, you weren’t certain whether he wanted to let you in or not.

“You okay?” Bucky whispered into your ear. You only nodded, still a little hazy from ecstasy.

“I’m gonna put you down now, yeah?”

“Okay.” He slowly set you on your feet, as he was still staring at your face. You leaned against the wall, trying not to collapse. Bucky picked up his shirt and put it back on along with his jeans and boxer.

“Let’s get out of here.” Bucky offered you his hand, like the gentleman that he was as if he hadn't just fucked you into oblivion in a public restroom.

You took his hand with a smile. You didn’t know what was going to happen after you walk out of the door, but you were going to savour every second of being in his arm if this was going to be last time you’ll ever see him.

-

You went home with a contented smile on your face. You were like a teenage girl who had just been asked to prom by her crush. How could you not, when Bucky offered to walk you home and left a kiss on your cheek before he called it a night?

Natasha was going to stay at Clint’s hotel, so you were supposed to walk home alone. You knew eventually this was going to happen but Natasha and Clint used it as a reason so Bucky and you would spend the night together too. You didn’t mind one bit, though. You wanted to elongate your time with Bucky and your wish was granted.

You offered him to come inside and stay for a little while, you were secretly hoping that you could go for the second round, but Bucky only chuckled and shook his head.

“Not tonight, doll. I ain’t that kinda man. And you need rest. But I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?” Then you and Bucky exchanged your numbers and he waited until you were really gone from his sight.

You walked up to your dorm with butterflies in your stomach and sparks fly all trailing over your footsteps. Thank God, Natasha wasn’t here. If she were, she would’ve relentlessly teased you all night and made you admit that she was right to coerce you to come.

And you would’ve had to admit that she was right. And you didn’t like admitting that you were wrong.

But tonight, you were going to admit it to yourself though. Sometimes, doing something that frightens you the most would endue you in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine.

And you were going to thank your lucky stars tonight for embedding Natasha Romanoff in your life because, without her, you would’ve stayed in your shell and Bucky could’ve fucked someone else in that restroom instead of you.

That might’ve happened in another universe, but not tonight. Tonight it was you and you were really hoping that you were going to see him again in your dreams tonight. You had one taste of him and it wasn’t enough.

Bucky texted you not long after you took a shower.

“Dreaming of me, yet?” Wink emoji.

“Well, if I were, I wouldn’t be texting you right now, would I?”

“That’s true, but at least you’d be drenching your sheets because of me and I don’t think I have a problem with that.”

“I don’t need you to do that, maybe I can use some toys in my drawers tonight. They seem pretty bored.” Thinking emoji.

“Oh, doll, you are killing me here…” Drool emoji.

“You like it.”

“I do.”

“Goodnight, Bucky.”

“Goodnight, doll. Thinking of you here.”

You turned off your phone and the screen went black. You changed into your pyjamas and washed off the remnants of your makeup and let the slumber take over you.

Bucky’s face loomed over you, somewhere in a fancy balcony, the view of the city stretching over, added to the beauty of the scenery. He was wearing a navy blue suit with a white dress shirt and no tie. The first couple of buttons were unbuttoned, giving you a majestic picture that he was. His hands that were in his pockets, took yours as you exerted yours to him.

He leaned in with a bright smile under his stubbly face, his blue eyes sparkled like Sirius star.

“Fly with me, doll.”

“What if I fall?”

“Then I’ll catch you.”

[littlefoxwithbighat]

The sides denying aspects of themselves

I could write 50 essays on this topic but you'd all get bored and it would be incoherent. So let me talk about some of the parts of the sides that they deny. You probably all already know these but I think it's interesting to talk about and look at the examples--so here we go!

Logan "I don't feel anything" Sanders

OK, right out of the gate this is so untrue. Its so, so, so untrue. You know it, I know it, we all know it.

We've seen him happy:

Angry:

Scared:

Frustrated:

And empathetic/ remorseful:

We've also seen him passionate (Crofters musical), defeated (SvSr) and childish (Losing my motivation)

And all of this requires feeling.

I think what's interesting about this, is that the veil is so thin for this lie. For the pieces I wrote on Roman and Virgil, other characters have had glimpses of the parts they deny but for the most part it's pretty hidden. However Logan having feelings and denying them is common knowledge. Like all the characters know it.

Even Deciet, who yes, is incredibly astute and intuitive, picked it up within knowing the guy for like 10 minutes of canon interaction.

But what is most interesting about all of this to me is that CHARACTER THOMAS KNOWS.

Not only KNOWS but has canonically called him out on it!

C!Thomas [to Logan]: This just serves as testament to the fact that you have a temperament- which is fine, you just haven't accepted it (-LNTAO)

C! Thomas [to Logan]: I've seen you scared. (-Embarrassing Phases)

This is so so fascinating. Firstly, it's worth remembering that Thomas is in control here.

As Virgil said "You're the boss Thomas. Anything you want to know, you can know. You just have to be open to hearing it."

They're his sides. He ultimately has control over them. And Thomas knows that Lo is hiding his emotions, so WHY doesn't he resolve this? Because, let us be clear, it might take time, but if he wanted to, he could.

A) He doesn't think that ultimately, it doesn't matter

B) He doesn't want to

C) He hasn't actually adressed the matter

D) He is concerned about the consequences

Personally I think it's a combination of all four, although perhaps less so D.

We never really get long enough to pause on this topic and see the other sides reactions to this, so it's difficult to draw any firm conclusions. The best we really have is The Puzzle Song in LNTAO, and from that we can conclude Roman is frustrated, and Patton and Virgil are empathetic, but also a bit frustrated and trying to facilitate change.

OK, we've established that he has feelings and looked a little bit at other character reactions. Let's move on to our favourite blue boy himself.

Firstly, motive. WHY does he do this. This is one is easy, and widely canonically established, its his overwhelming need to be taken seriously. Right?

Well sort of.

That what I would have said at first too, but I don't think thats exactly right. It's because he needs to be LISTENED TO, and it's important we make that distinction. I think Crofters is a great example. He made a bit of a fool of himself in that video, and what's more, he didn't care. And I don't think it's becuse of his powerful love of Crofters overtook his sensibilities (lol) it's because he didn't have a point he needed it express in that video. His emotionless, serious personna was created is that the other sides, and Thomas, would listen to him, when he expresses facts and opinions. Because that's all Logan wants.

So it's pretty heartbreaking that it hasn't worked.*

*(Please note I do not think the sides were unjustified in talking over him in some of this points and that some of them are clearly a result of high emotional stress. That said its still clearly getting to Logan)

This is even more distressing when you consider that for Logan listening and learning, going both ways is very much his love language (See Joans explanation of Sunrise from In The Heights on his playlist, and his reaction to Thomas saying he might take an astronomy course). Logan is killing himself trying to be listened to, trying to be loved, and it's not WORKING (Hmm, remind you of another side?)

But this is a progressive development. Maybe it's partly a result of Thomas not having the characters super fleshed out when the series started, but even so, this personna Logan is putting up is coming up more and more often, and he's clearly repressing his feelings more and more. It's kind of difficult to show this, but just watch Logan in early season 1 compared with now, there is a marked difference.

But actually, I think there are two things that illustrate this perfectly.

First, him making himself into a textbox in POF. I mean it goes without saying, but textboxes aren't people. They don't have emotions. Logan feels he can't even show up anymore, because he as a person, is not worth paying attention to. I don't think it's a coincidence that he chose a form that cannot be talked over, and pops up on the front of the screen, impossible to hide, or cut out of shot. Remember, it was Janus who created the skip button.

(That being said I think I'm not saying this is a sign of him having a healthy ego and interfering, if anything it implies the opposite)

Second, the unicorn onesie. The unicorn onesie is something I keep coming back to when I think about Logan because... UNICORNS. They're a fantasy creature, there's not a jot of science or reality about them. Of all of the choices, Logan, fact oriented Logan, doesn't understand figures of speech Logan, doesn't like cartoons because they're not realistic Logan, WHY does he pick a UNICORN!?

In my opinion, the unicorn onesie is something of a confession. Vulnerability. It kind of represents all of the feelings and fantasy and fun that Logan tries to repress. And that kinda makes sense doesn't it, I mean, feelings, fun and fantasy, that's what unicorns often stand for.

So I think it's telling that throughout the series, we first see him embarrassed, but not too torn up about being seen in his onesie (able to show and engage with his feelings fairly openly, but trying to keep fairly calm and serious) to being unable to wear it around his friends in a relaxed environment, WHEN THEY ARE ALL WEARING ONESIES (Can't show any emotional vulnerability at all and suppressing all his feelings in order to seem serious and be listened to.) Thinking about it this way, Roman saying "no onesie, no vote" could be an interesting parallel to how the sides view this. Because, again this isn't working, and if anything, the deeper Logan goes into this emotionless front, the less he seems to be listened to, which makes him go even deeper, and it's an endless positive feedback loop, which is ironic considering how soul-crushingly negative this is.

What I'm trying to say is that we've seen repeatedly, that the point in the episode where a/the side(s) get emotionally vulnerable is often the point in the episodes where everyone calms down and listens to one another, so this emotional repression is doing nothing but damaging Logan.

That being said, you can understand how he's worried about letting his front it down. Because Logan is right.

There will be times where he needs to be heeded, and ignoring him could lead to disastrous consequences. The biggest example of this is DWIT. If he wasn't there they could not have gotten rid of Remus, everyone else would be panicking, and Thomas' mental state would be in the gutter.

Thomas NEEDS Logan.

So if Logan feels like showing his feelings will stop him from being listened to, then logically, he has to continue to hide and suppress them.

I think in season 3, maybe even the season 2 finale this will be adressed and be a big part of his character arc, and I for one, can't wait.

Anyway I think that about does it for this one. Thanks for reading!

[fieryanmitsu]

Operation: No Curry | A3! Week 2020 – Day 3 (Tsumugi/Izumi)

The rest of my A3! Week entries are very late! But here’s my piece for Day 3! It’s just something light and silly this time, but please enjoy~

OPERATION: NO CURRY

PROMPTS: Summer|Dorm Life/Roommates|Confession

CHARACTERS: Tsumugi Tsukioka, Izumi Tachibana, Sakuya Sakuma, Tsuzuru Minagi, Tenma Sumeragi, Banri Settsu, Taichi Nanao, Hisoka Mikage

PAIRINGS: Tsumugi/Izumi

My fanfic masterpost: Here

AO3: Link in my Blog Menu

“Hot… it’s so hot… I’m going to meeeeelt!!” Taichi lamented from his spot on the floor of the Mankai Company’s lounge. The redhead was already wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt, but sweat still covered his entire body.

“Damn Sakyo! I can’t believe that cheap old man won’t let us turn on the aircon!” Banri growled from his spot at the table, fanning himself desperately with a paper fan. “And I can’t believe I have to use this stupid fan!”

The fan was one of many that Sakyo had asked Sakoda to prepare for them. The kanji for “Simplicity. Frugality. Temperance.” were emblazoned on the plain white fans in Sakoda’s calligraphy. They had only cost 800 yen for a pack of 20, and Sakoda’s labour was free.

“Well… Sakyo did say he would turn it on when it hits 35 degrees at least…” Sakuya replied, looking up from the script he was reading with one hand – the other also limply held a fan. Even the ever-chipper Spring Troupe leader sounded less enthusiastic than usual.

“It’s freakin’ 34 degrees!! We’re only one degree off, but he still won’t turn it on!” Tenma cried, lifting his head up from where he had laid it on the table. After his outburst, he immediately dropped it back on the table, all energy drained out of him. “Banri… fan me too… I can’t move…”

“Maybe we can ask him to count the humidity level… It’s 87% humidity after all… that’s got to count for an extra degree, right?” Sakuya suggested with a chuckle.

“I’m going to dieeeeee, it’s too hooooot!!” Taichi wailed.

“Shut UP, Taichi!! You’re making me feel even hotter!!” Banri snapped.

Suddenly the door to the lounge slammed open and Tsuzuru practically collapsed into the lounge.

“It’s an emergency!” the older boy exclaimed, his face pale and dripping with sweat.

“Tsuzuru?! What happened?”

“The director… I just saw her walking back from grocery shopping with Tsumugi. And I overheard that… that… that she’s making extra spicy curry for dinner tonight!!”

The lounge was silent for a moment as the gravity of what Tsuzuru just uttered sank in. Then, the room immediately erupted into a flurry of panicked voices.

“E-extra spicy curry?!”

“GYAAAAH!! It’s too hot for curry!!”

“IS SHE FREAKIN’ CRAZY?!”

“NOOOOOO! We’re going to dieeeeee!”

“GUYS! Pull it together. We just… we have to stop her!” Tsuzuru interrupted, hauling himself back onto his feet.

“How do we do that?!” Taichi moaned.

“Don’t panic! I have a plan!” Banri replied, his brain already churning. “Taichi! Go get Omi! Make him take over dinner duty to make something normal to eat! Sakuya, you and Tenma intercept the director and distract her while she’s putting away the groceries. Make sure she doesn’t start prepping those ingredients! Tsuzuru, you’re with me! ‘Operation: No Curry’ officially starts right now!”

“You’re the boss, boss!” Taichi responded, jumping to his feet with a salute. Despite having been glued to the floor in exhaustion mere moments ago, it was as if the thought of eating hot and spicy curry in the heat had shot energy through his veins. A second later, he was dashing out of the lounge to hunt down his roommate.  

Almost immediately afterwards, Izumi and Tsumugi walked through the door, hands weighed down with numerous shopping bags.

“We’re back!”

“D-Director! Let us help you with those groceries!!” Tenma exclaimed, scrambling off his chair.

“You should sit down, Izumi! You must be tired!” Sakuya said, taking the grocery bags from her arms and passing them to Tenma.

“H-Huh? Oh, you don’t have to do that—Whoa!” Izumi started to protest, but a moment later, Sakuya had already forcibly pushed her to sit down on the couch.

“TSUMUGI! We need to talk to you!!” Banri jumped in immediately.

“Th-That’s right! It’s urgent!” Tsuzuru added, taking his cue from Banri. He took the bags from Tsumugi and dropped them on the table before joining the Autumn Troupe leader in pushing Tsumugi into the hallway.

“W-Wait, what’s wrong, you two?!” Tsumugi exclaimed in confusion as the two younger boys jostled him out of the lounge.

As soon as they were in the hallway, Banri and Tsuzuru cornered Tsumugi against the wall.

“Tsumugi…” Banri’s voice lowered as he stared intently at the older man. “How could you betray us?”

“B-Betray?” Tsumugi gasped, looking back at Banri with wide eyes.

“You went grocery shopping with the director. It was your duty to stop her from buying ingredients for curry,” Tsuzuru added in an equally grave voice.

“Huh? Is this what this is about?” Tsumugi said with a chuckle.

“This is no laughing matter! It’s so DAMN hot!! How could you let her make curry for us in this heat?!” Banri responded, shaking Tsumugi by the shoulders.

“Ahaha, er, well, she was really gung ho about it. Saying how the best way to beat the heat was to overpower it with more heat. Something about sweating would cool your skin off?”

“We’ll die, Tsumugi. If we have to eat extra spicy curry in this heat, we’ll literally die,” Tsuzuru responded bluntly, his eyes already looking half-dead.

“Look, Hisoka’s already dead from the heat – we’ll be next,” Banri stated, suddenly pointing down the hallway. Sure enough, Hisoka was splayed out face down on the floor in the middle of the corridor.

“H-Hisoka?! Maybe we should check on him?!”

“No, we’ll take care of him later. You have something more important to do,” Tsuzuru replied, waving his hand casually.

“I do?!”

“You need to get Izumi out of the dorms so that she can’t cook dinner,” Banri responded. “We need her far and away from here. Distract her for the next two or three hours while we get Omi to cook instead. He isn’t a curry freak and will make us something normal to eat.”

“But, why me? I’m actually fine with eating curry—”

“No, it’s your responsibility. You have to atone for your crime.”

“What crime?!”

“Let’s go!”

And in another whirlwind of limbs, Tsumugi was suddenly shoved back into the lounge and pushed in front of Izumi, still seated on the couch where Sakuya and Tenma were bombarding her with (fake) questions about the script in Sakuya’s hands.

“Izumi!” Tsuzuru hollered.

“Tsumugi has something to tell you!” Banri announced, clapping Tsumugi on the shoulder with an iron grip.

“Hmm? What is it, Tsumugi?”

“Uh… Umm… I… I…” Tsumugi stuttered – what exactly was he supposed to say?!

His eyes flickered from Izumi’s face to Tenma’s, and then Sakuya’s, and then landed on a magazine on the coffee table before them. Flustered, Tsumugi snatched up the magazine and pointed to the cover without really reading it.

“Th-This! I-I need to go here. With you. Right now!”

Everyone froze as they all stared at the front of the magazine. It was a bridal magazine, probably Yuki’s for costume design inspiration if the bear-shaped sticky notes sticking out of the pages indicated anything. The front-page splash was a photograph of a church with bright and bold words written across that read: ‘Top 10 Churches in Tokyo to Hold your Summer Wedding!’

No one seemed to know what to say. A cold bead of sweat dripped down the back of Tsumugi’s neck. Finally, after what felt like ages, Tsuzuru was the first to recover.

“Th-That’s right! This is for that… that guest performance that you have tomorrow right, Tsumugi? You were telling me about how you had to play a groom!”

“Y-Yes! I… I just realized that it would be good to get in some last minute practice! I figure this would really immerse me in the role – being at an actual church!” Tsumugi ad-libbed, working off of Tsuzuru’s line.

“H-Huh? B-but why do you need me there?” Izumi asked, stunned.

“Well, it would be better to practice with an opposing actor, wouldn’t it?” Banri replied.

“In that case, I should definitely not go with you – you know I can’t act,” Izumi dismissed breezily. “If Tsumugi needs someone to practice with, why don’t one of you go? It’ll be good practice in case any of you play a female role in the future! Anyway, I need to get started on dinner—”

Banri suddenly elbowed Tsumugi in the ribs and the older man, literally spurred into action, fell to his knees and grabbed Izumi’s hands in his own. Suddenly, it looked like a switch had been turned on, and his expression changed completely.

“No, it has to be you, Izumi,” Tsumugi said softly, his face serious and intense. His hands grasped hers tighter, gently drawing them closer to his chest, and he leaned his upper body closer towards her. “I want to make my practice as realistic as possible – to be as immersed in the scenario as much as I can. I could only do that with you as my practice partner. As my bride. After all… you’re the one I love, Izumi.”

For the third time within the past ten minutes, the entire room fell silent. They had all unconsciously been drawn into Tsumugi’s performance, and his sudden confession had been so heartfelt that every one of them had stopped breathing. Izumi could only stare back at Tsumugi with a slack jaw, wide eyes and bright red cheeks.

“Won’t you come with me, Izumi? Won’t you be my bride?” Tsumugi asked softly, one hand reaching up to cup her cheek tenderly and his eyes looking up at her imploringly.

“O-Okay,” Izumi answered, half out of shock.

“You don’t know how happy you’ve made me, Izumi! Let’s go then – the boys will take care of dinner,” Tsumugi replied with a wide, toothy grin.

He gently tugged Izumi to her feet, intertwined their fingers and swiftly led her out of the lounge by the hand. As the door closed behind them, the remaining actors could only look at each other in disbelief.

“Tsumugi… He was acting just now, right?” Sakuya asked.

“Wow, he seriously is a pro when it comes to those subtle emotions – He hooked me right in…” Tenma responded with a shake of his head.

“No kidding… But, well, that’s that! Let’s go check on Taichi and Omi and get this non-curry dinner started! I’d say ‘Operation: No Curry’ is a grand success,” Tsuzuru added, clapping his hands together.

“Of course it was a success – I was the one who came up with it, after all,” Banri boasted, already heading towards the dorms.

“Hey! Somen! I want somen! Do you think Omi would make somen tonight?!” Tenma exclaimed excitedly.

“Oh yeah, someone needs to go check on Hisoka… I think he’s still sleeping in the hallway,” Banri remarked, suddenly remembering the older man.

“Uh, I hope he’s just sleeping…” Tsuzuru muttered, causing Sakuya to whip his head to look at him in alarm.

“Wait, what?! What happened to Hisoka?!”

Outside of the Mankai Company, Tsumugi led the still-dumbstruck Izumi up a side street, distinctly aware of the feeling of her hand held tight in his. They proceeded in silence for a few minutes until they arrived at a nearby park, where Tsumugi finally slowed down their steps.

“Izumi, let’s take a quick break here,” he said, sitting her onto a bench under the shade of a nearby tree.  

“Oh! Ah, sure, sounds good,” Izumi responded, finally recovered from her stupor.

“I’ll be right back!” Tsumugi said, before he quickly jogged over to a vending machine. Pulling out his wallet, he counted out a few hundred yen and bought a bottle of cold green tea. Returning to Izumi, he suddenly dipped himself into a bow and proffered the bottle to her.

“I’m sorry, Izumi! I tricked you just now! I don’t have any guest performances tomorrow – I don’t need to practice anything! Please accept this drink as an apology!”

Izumi stared owlishly at the drink floating in front of her face. A moment later, after Tsumugi’s words sunk in, she let out a laugh.

“Oh man, you really surprised me earlier! We had just been together too, and you didn’t mention anything about a guest performance, so I was so shocked when you came out of nowhere and said all of that!” she replied, taking the drink out of his hands. “And, of course you’re forgiven – though there’s nothing to forgive, really. But, why did you trick me anyway?”

“Ahaha… Well, I’m sure it’s obvious in hindsight, but Banri and Tsuzuru asked me to do it. Er, well, maybe that’s not quite right. Rather they asked me to distract you and get you out of the dorms,” he responded sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

“Huh? Why did they want you to do that?”

“Errr, something about wanting to make dinner… or something,” he responded evasively, his eyes glancing away briefly before returning to her face and crinkling into a mischievous smile. “But, well, since we’re already out here, why don’t we honour their wishes and go enjoy ourselves for a bit? We could go somewhere with aircon, since we don’t have it on at home.”

“Oooh, that’s actually a great idea! Let’s go to the shopping mall, then! I haven’t had a chance to browse around for a while!” she replied.

“That sounds good to me,” Tsumugi agreed, falling into step beside her as they started walking again. They were only a few inches apart, and Tsumugi felt his hand twitch, wanting to reach across the short distance to grab a hold of hers again.

“But you know… you never cease to impress me with your acting, Tsumugi,” Izumi said suddenly, turning her head to give him a smile.

“Oh?” Tsumugi prompted. He could feel his heart rate quickening.

“When you grabbed my hands and confessed that you loved me… I couldn’t tell you were acting at all – it felt so real. You seriously made my heart beat so fast! My face felt like it was on fire! I’m so embarrassed!” Izumi responded, looking away shyly. She held the bottle of tea up to her face, trying to cool off her flushed cheeks.

“Ah, that’s probably because I wasn’t acting…” Tsumugi muttered quietly, half hoping that the woman next to him heard.

A second passed by without a response. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Izumi continued to walk without having missed a step – still smiling normally as she held the bottle to her cheek – and he knew that his words had been drowned out by the call of the cicadas.

This ended on a much more wistful note than I had intended, haha. But, maybe that’s just how it was meant to go since I was working with Tsumugi! Precious Tsumugi is my second favourite A3! boy, so I’m happy to write something where he gets a bit more of the spotlight! I also had a lot of fun writing the silly, overdramatic Mankai teenagers (and poor Tsumugi who got roped in), so hopefully you all had fun reading!

A3! Week 2020 is almost over at this point, but I will still be putting out content for the rest of the prompts that I haven’t gotten to yet! Please stay tuned if you’re interested, and likes and reblogs are always appreciated! Thank you~

-Anmitsu

[scandinavian-girl]

Stutter

A/n: 2.5K of boyfriend!shawn touring with his girlfriend who stutter

Having trouble speaking your whole life, had its consequences. Especially when it came to speak to new people. When you went to Toronto a few years back, you met Shawn. Your current boyfriend of soon 2 years. When he found out you stuttered, he told you it wouldn’t change his opinion about you. In his mind, your stutter was the most beautiful this he had heard.

Your first date with him went better than you had expected. He was so patient with your stutter.

“Why did you want to visit Toronto?” he asked as he took a sip from his white wine.

You went quiet. Just the thought of answering him, made you anxious.

“It’s okay. Take your time,” he reassured you with a soft gaze. Eyes not leaving your nervous features.

You gave him a nod, so he knew you understood it.

“I-I,” you stopped, getting embarrassed from your stutter. Shawn taking your small hand in his large ones, making sure that you took it easy.

“J-just a v-vacat-tion,” you said quietly as you looked down at yours and Shawn’s hands.

He nodded with a small smiled that made you, fall even more for him.

Thinking back at the date always reminded you that, Shawn would always be there for you.

“Honey?” he whispered into your ear as Andrew kept talking to the crew in the back of the bus, before heading into the Arena Shawn should play in tonight. “W-what?” you whispered back.

“Wanna join the q&a tonight? I promise you won’t have to answer anything, okay?” he was speaking a little louder, making sure you understood. You nodded with a smile. Such a caring boyfriend.

“Anything you two wanna share?” Andrew said a little angry.

“No. We’re good,” Shawn spoke up.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the situation between Andrew and Shawn. After a couple of seconds, you quieted down and went to check on your phone for any important messages. You had received one from your sister, best friend and lastly your mum.

iMessage from Sister: hey sis <3 Since you are in Lisbon, could you try to get the shirt I talked about for mum? Also say hi to Shawn from me 😊

You smiled from that one, reminding that your mum had birthday a few days after you came home, from the European leg with Shawn.

Next you thought.

iMessage from BFF: Hey girl. How’s tour life with your hottie of a boyfriend? 😉 Exited to hear everything you have experienced during this leg of the tour! <3

“I-I miss y-you,” you whispered to yourself.

“hmm?” Shawn hummed confusingly at you.

“J-just m-my best f-friend and sist-ter,” you smiled happily at him.

He smiled at you and looked at you with so much love. “I love your stutter so much,” he mumbled and hugged you into his side. “Shawn,” you giggled without a stutter.

It happens every once in while you didn’t stutter when you, especially, laughed.

As Shawn hugged you, you went to check the message you had received from your mother.

iMessage from Mum <3: Hey Darling. Call me when you can. Gotta tell you something <3

That made your heart skip a beat. What was she going to tell you? Something good? Something bad?

“Honey? What’s wrong?” Shawn asked with concern in his beautiful voice.

“N-not-thing,” you said a little more quietly. “D-don’t t-think about i-it,” you continued shortly after.

Shawn pulled away from you to have a good look at your nervous features. He grabbed your free hand and gave your knuckles a soft but long kiss of reassuring. Knowing fully, he would understand whatever that was in your mind.

“M-my mum t-texted m-me,” you stutter now being more visible than before.

“What did she say?”

You just showed him the text, knowing fully it would take you a good while before you could finish saying what she had texted you. He softly took your phone and read it a couple of times before handing it back to you.

“You don’t have a pet?” he started.

You shook your head no.

“Old family member?”

“N-not a s-sick one,” you said quietly getting a little shy and embarrassed about talking so much within such a short about of time.

“But she added a heart to the end of the text. There is a possibility that it’s a good thing,” he said with a soft smile and gave your soft redish cheek a peck.

You nodded at him with a soft smile as well. You answered your mother first.

iMessage to Mum <3: Hey 😊 I’ll call you back as soon as I get some time. Heading out in a few minutes with Shawn <3

Shawn stood up and went to put on his denim jacket that for sure made you swoon. You noticed he took a small box in his pocket, that were placed in his bunk. Then Brian came into the bus to say it was time to go on a little walk around the arena era before Shawn had meet and greets.

“S-Shawn?” you asked nervously standing up and pulling your matching denim jacket on. His hazel eyes were quick to find your soft ones. He licked his lips quickly and reached his left hand out for you to take.

You gladly took his hand and interwinding your fingers with his longer ones. “W-what’s in t-the b-box?” you asked quietly as you walked together down the street beside the arena.

“Nothing special. Don’t worry about it darlin’.” He softly said back to you and gave your small cold knuckles a long warm kiss.

You nodded at him and looked around the beautiful place. You now realize how beautiful Lisbon really is. The thoughts of Shawn proposing in Lisbon made you somehow nervous. You looked down at your intertwined hands as you continued to walk away from the arena.

**

It was time for Shawn to do the meet n’ greet and q&a with some fans. “Do I look good enough for them?” he twirled around to show you his casual outfit. Simple slacks with a thin silver line on the side paired with his black tank top and a dusty pink bottom up. “L-looking g-good,” you smiled at him happy he choose the dusty pink over his cut off sleeve bottom up.

“I-I love t-that b-bottom up,” you said blushing cutely and played with a ring Shawn had giving you in Oslo.

“There’s a reason why I took it with me. I know you are obsessed with this one,” he gave you a smirk.

“Shawn, time to go,” Jake said to him and went over to the door and opened it for him.

“See you in a few minutes. Right?” he referred to you, joining him at the q&a. You gave him a soft and shy nod.

Before he left, he grabbed your face and gave you a deep and passionate kiss. Shawn’s sign of saying he loves you and he really appreciate you.

“Shawn?” Jake pressed a little on him. Shawn pulled away from you with a grin. A grin you knew all to well. It was the grin Shawn would give you, when he had plans for a long night a head.

“Gotta go,” he pulled completely away from you and went towards the door. “S-Shawn?” you stuttered a lot. He turned around with a question on his face. “H-Have a g-good t-time,” you looked at him with a soft smile. “I will. I’ll text you when I go to the q&a so you can join me and the small group. Okay?”

You nodded again and watched him as he left the dressing room.

**

“You, with the blue shirt!” Shawn pointed to a fan in the q&a room.

“Are you performing Light On tonight? ‘Cause it’s my favourite song,” a fan asked Shawn as you stepped inside.

“No, I’m not singing it tonight but I’m glad that you like the song. I love that song too. It’s one of my top 4 favorite songs of mine!” Shawn smiled brightly. He looked a little around before he picked the next lucky fan to ask him a question.

“In the white in the back,” he pointed to a girl with a white t-shirt with some print on.

“Me?” she asked Shawn to be sure it was her he meant.

“Yeah,” smiled and leaned a little forward to get to hear her better.

“What’s your top 3 favorite songs?” she asked confidentially.

Shawn just stared at her like really? “Oh my god you’re gonna ask me that question?! Uhm maybe ‘Fix You’,” Shawn started off. The small crowd cheered because Shawn had picked that song to start off In My Blood. “uhm, maybe ‘Breakeven’ by The Script and..” he looked down and thought for a few seconds. “Our Song by Taylor Swift,” he finished with a smile.

“What’s your question?” he pointed to a girl with some coloured hair.

“How’s your life with y/n?” the fan asked confidentially.

Shawn looked up and found your sweet eyes. “Amazing,” Shawn smiled widely, as he returned his attention back to the girl who was asking him.

“Even though she stutters so much, I give her time to talk, you know? Cause if I finish her sentences, she feels bad about her stutter,” he continued and made eye contact with you in the back. Not long after you felt everybody stare at you. You looked around and shot them a smile and a soft wave.

“I promised her that she wouldn’t have to talk here. Because of her stutter,” Shawn paused for a second before a crowd of hands came up in the air, knowing that most of them would be about Shawn and you.

**

Now standing backstage with Shawn going on stage in 10 minutes, you kept thinking about one question a fan asked about the two of you. “When will Shawn propose?” Those 4 words keep going around in your head. Was he planning on doing it? “S-Shawn?” You asked him softly as you rested your head on his shoulder/upper arm.

“Yes honey?” He asked with a low voice. “I-I k-keep think-king about t-that q-question the f-fan asked us ab-bout our f-future,” you said nervously to him and holding his free hand tightly.

“And?” he pressed a little but keeping space for you to answer at your own pace.

“D-Do you s-see a f-fut-ture w-with m-me?” you locked eye contact with his, really wanting him to answer before he went on stage in a couple of minutes.

He went silent for what felt like forever. “I do see a future with you. A long future with you finishing all of your exams next summer, you are joining tours, maybe a little one in a couple of years and a house in Pickering, so our kid could see where her father grew up,” he smiled at you. That smile that made your knees weak.

He really did have a plan for your future. Where you were going to live. Having children and having you joining him in future tours. He had thought a lot of things through without you knowing it.

“Shawn, its time to go,” Jake said loudly.

“See you back here after the show?” he asked excitingly. You gave him a big smile and a nod. Shawn then gave your red cheek a peck before leaving to go in stage for the many fans waiting for him.

**

A couple of weeks later you were on your way to Dublin. You were sitting in the back of the bus, together with Geoff, Josiah and Connor, reading a book. Shawn were in the front of the bus, talking to Andrew and Cez about some stuff he wanted to add to this tour.

“Y/n?” Connor ask you. You placed your book mark in your book and closed it, then turned your attention to him.

“There’s a flower field a few miles a head of us and I was thinking we could take some photos there?” Connor asked you with a smile. A smile that maked you weak in your knees. Yes, Connor was a cute guy and yes if you didn’t date Shawn, you would totally ask Connor out.

“S-Sure,” you smiled shyly and put your book down on the little table there was.

“I’m gonna ask the diver if he could stop there,” he smiled as he got up and went to the front.

“Got a flirt there?” Josiah smiled at his own comment as he looked through some pictures, he had taken the day prior.

“st-top it,” you giggled. “Y-you know I-I’m with S-Shawn,” you looked the other way kind of embarrassed. Shawn knew you thought that Connor was cute, but whenever Shawn got the chance to be with you or show you off, he would. Especially after a long romantic night 😉.

“We are there in a few minutes. Wanna get ready and put some other cloth on or you just wanna be in that?” he asked softly.

“J-Just this,” you smiled at him as he went back to the front where he told Shawn, that you and Connor would go and do a mini photoshoot at the flower field.

“I’ll join you in a couple of minutes. I just need to figure something out with Andrew,” you heard Shawn say. Soon you saw Connor’s head sticking in from the hall. “We are here. You comin’?” he smiled at you.

You nodded and stood up to walk out to the flower field with Connor.

**

“Maybe you could try to lay down right there?” Connor pointed to a spot with some beautiful yellow flowers. You did as told, to lay down between the flowers. As Connor tried to take a photo, a small bumble bee flew towards you. That made you scream/squeal and making your body turning into a defensive position.

A few seconds later you heard Connor laugh. “I-It’s not f-funny,” you giggled once the bee flew away from. “It is,” he now laughed. Not long after you saw Shawn jogging to Connor and you with concern in his eyes.

“What happened? I head you scream,” he helped you stand up.

“J-Just a b-bumble bee,” you giggled and gave his rosy cheek a soft peck. His face fell but shortly after he let out a giggle. “Gosh I’m so over protective,” he rubbed his tattooed hand over his face as he felt embarrassed.

“Yo, y/n. I got a really cool and cute picture when the bee came flying to you,” he walked over to the couple and showed them a picture of you in a defensive body position. “Wow,” came out of your mouth. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Conner quicky asked with a cute smile on his face.

“My girl is gorgeous. I’m lucky to have her,” Shawn said as he gave your temple a long kiss.

**

@//shawnmendes: what did I do to deserve her? Love u and your stutter <3

**

@//connorbrashier: love birds at a flower field @//shawnmendes @//yourusername

**

@//yourusername: bees like me apparently #flowerfield #bee

[perspective-series]

A Third Perspective (10)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: Fear, panic, and unwanted touching/grabbing.

(Check the reblog for the links to the previous chapters!)

 Logan was tense the entire drive home. He could feel Virgil’s curled up form in his pocket, but fought the urge to check even in the safety of his car. Anyone could peer through the windows and that would only end in disaster. No, it was best to wait until he was safe in the privacy of his own apartment. Of course, this logic did not lessen Logan’s unease.

 Finally, Logan pulled up to the apartment building. He grabbed his bag and locked his car, heading up to the fourth floor. Putting his key into the lock, it took a few tries before Logan successfully felt the key turn. He entered the apartment, relief flooding through him.

 Now safe, Logan pulled the borrower out into the light.

 Patton tried his best to dodge the hand, but it was impossible to do in the pocket. He squirmed in the grasp as he was brought out in front of the human. Patton shook as their eyes met. He couldn’t believe he had been caught a second time. Two humans knowing about him was really bad. And unlike with Roman, he wasn’t sure of this human’s intentions.

 Logan blinked, for a moment so shocked that he merely stood there gaping like a fish.

 “I...you’re not Virgil.” Logan finally managed to form coherent words.

 Patton froze at the human’s words. “V-Virgil? You...You know Virgil?” Patton’s eyes suddenly started to glance around the apartment, trying to find a trace of his best friend. His heart dropped as he realized that meant that Virgil too, had been found and caught by a human. He hoped he was doing alright.

 “Yes, but I don’t know you.” Logan frowned, thrown off by this addition of a new subject. It was fascinating to find another, especially when comparing this one’s behaviors to Virgil. Though the two may be similar in size, already Logan could tell the two were very different. “Who are you? How do you know Virgil?”

 Patton took in a deep breath. “I’m Patton and Virgil is my best friend. So, where is he? What have you done with him? Why do you know him?” Normally, Patton wouldn’t talk to a human like that, but he would do anything for Virgil.

 Logan leaned back, slightly surprised by this outburst. Perhaps Virgil and Patton weren’t so different after all.

 “I would appreciate if you kept your accusations to a minimum,” Logan said sternly, a bit peeved that after the whole fiasco of a meeting this morning, this was the thanks he received.

 Patton shook at the look he received but reminded himself this was about Virgil and pushed on. “Tell me where he is! I swear if you’ve hurt him…” He trailed off as he struggled against the grip again. He knew he wasn’t in a position to make any sort of threat to a human, but when it came to Virgil he would try his best to appear threatening.

 “I haven’t hurt him,” Logan assured the little guy, re-adjusting his grip to ensure the subject wouldn’t fall. “But...I’m not actually sure where he is, as of this particular moment.” Logan’s mind began to replay the incident in the hall, when Logan first noticed Virgil’s absence. “Wait a moment, how did you end up in my pocket anyway?”

 Patton let out a small sigh of relief, happy to hear that Virgil hadn’t been hurt and even happier to know that the human didn’t know where he was. That must mean Virgil escaped, right? Patton then blinked at the question. “W-Well...When Roman ran into you. I fell out of his bag and that’s when you picked me up.” Patton answered.

 “Roman…” Logan muttered. He wasn’t familiar with the name. Logan headed to his bedroom.

 “So…” Patton started as the human took him to what appeared to be his bedroom. “Now that that’s all settled, can you let me go now?” Patton asked, hoping this human will be easier to convince than Roman. Once he was back in the walls, he would be able to find Virgil and then the both of them could move to another building. Away from the two human’s who knew about them.

 Logan rolled his eyes. Not this again. He set Patton down on the desk. It would have been helpful to have the beaker again, but it was still in the kitchen and time was of the essence.

 “Stay.” Logan instructed, putting a hand palm up to gesture staying as well. With his other hand, he put down his bag and pulled out his laptop, beginning to get it booted up.

 Patton, while happy to be free of the grip, flinched when the human commanded him to stay. Somehow, this human seemed a lot more intimidating than Roman and so, Patton stayed. But that didn’t mean he was going to stay silent. The human hadn't told him to be quiet after all.

 “W-What are you doing?”

 “Research,” Logan answered, typing in his password. The screen glinted off his glasses slightly. “Do you know Roman’s last name? Or any other identifying features, really. His major, his class schedule, things like that.”

 “Oh, uh, I-I’m not sure,” Patton said truthfully. “I mean, I know he was on his way to um…’biology’? this morning.” Patton said, shrugging. He was pretty sure that’s what Roman said.

 “Why?” Patton didn’t understand why the human needed to know those things about Roman. Was...Was he going to give him back? Patton suddenly regretted telling him about Roman.

 “That much is obvious, it is the biology building.” Logan huffed. “And I need more information than that, I’m trying to track him down. Was it biology 101? 102? 204?”

 “I-I don’t know...He didn’t tell me.” Patton spoke, shaking. The human was annoyed, which wasn’t good.

 “Okay.” Logan let out a terse sigh, beginning to search through the classes currently happening at the building to try and narrow down the search himself. “Do you know anything else about him then? How did you end up in his possession?”

 Patton thought for a minute, hoping he could come up with something so the human wouldn’t be angry with him. “I know he likes Disney?” Roman had been pretty vocal about that. “And uh...he found me last night when I tried to watch TV…”

 “Hmm.” Logan could tell there was very little information that Patton could directly provide at this point, so he would just have to go after some logical hypotheses. Again. “Patton, where are you from?”

 Patton thought about not answering that particular question, but again, he did not want to annoy this human. And it seemed that this human was the type to get annoyed if he was not answered. “I’m from...um, the uh, fifth floor?” Patton said, not knowing how else to describe it.

 “The fifth floor?” Logan’s eyebrows furrowed at the vague explanation. Then realization dawned on him. He turned to look at Patton, momentarily forgoing the research. “Wait, are you referring to the fifth floor of this building?”

 Patton nodded, cowering a little as the human’s gaze turned to him.

 Logan turned back to his computer, closing out of the University page entirely. Instead, he pulled up the directory for his fellow apartments tenants, scowling as he recognized the face of the stranger from this morning on the page detailing the 5th-floor tenant.

 “I take it this is your Roman, then?” Logan asked, pointing at the picture on the screen.

 Patton nodded again. “Y-Yeah, that’s him.” Patton briefly wondered how the human had gotten Roman’s picture on that thing.

 “I cannot believe you were found by this idiot.” Logan rolled his eyes. His upstairs neighbor often kept Logan up with 1 am children’s movies and distracted Logan’s study sessions by blasting various B-rated musicals. It was the reason Logan was awake last night before he discovered Virgil. “No surprise he was rushing to class, though. He’s never struck me as the prepared or remotely competent type. Of course, I hadn’t met him personally before today, but one learns to despise their obnoxiously loud neighbors regardless of knowing them face to face.”

 “Uhhh….” Patton didn’t know how to respond to that.

 “Still, this makes things a lot more convenient.” Logan leaned back in his chair, observing both Patton and the screen.

 “It...does?” Patton questioned, wondering what the human meant. Was he going to...give him back to Roman?

 “Of course.” Logan nodded. “Roman is our most likely lead to Virgil’s whereabouts. If he lives within this building, it should be relatively simple to reclaim him.”

 Patton hummed, thinking back and realizing that it made sense that Roman would have him. He then blinked, before grinning. “Wait, you’re gonna help me get him back?” Maybe this human wasn’t so bad after all.

 Logan considered Patton’s question for a moment. “Yes.” Logan finally decided. It wasn’t an incorrect statement. He did want the two to be reunited under his care, after all.

 “Oh, thank you!” Patton exclaimed, practically bouncing up and down. “Honestly, I was starting to think I would never see him again…” Patton trailed off, frowning slightly.

 “I wouldn’t fret.” Logan pulled the laptop back towards himself, continuing his research. “I am certain Virgil will be in our company again soon.”

[welcome-to-my-daydreams]

Man in the Storm 17

Summary: It’s rut season at the compound. Omega Reader plans to ride it out alone, locked in her room away from any unwanted Alphas. But she finds that to be a lot easier said than done when the team’s strongest Alpha pays a visit.

Pairings: Alpha!Thor x Omega!Reader

Type: Series (A/B/O Dynamics)

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2,476

A/N: “I don’t need therapy, I’ve got you guys!”

Part 16, Part 18

Masterlist

The second month was easier. But only because you swapped sadness with annoyance. You had decided that though you loved the stupid Alpha, you wouldn’t mind giving him a swift kick in the ass when he finally returned. If he finally returned, of course. 

It was getting ridiculous now. 2 months and not a single sign. Not a rumble of thunder, not a drop of rain. You realised you wouldn’t even know if he had died somewhere in this war he was fighting. 

You better not die without letting me know about it, Alpha. You cursed as you looked up into the clear sky above you. 

“Hey! No breaks until we hit the 10 minute mark. You know the drill!” Captain Rogers commanded as he jogged past you, tapping you on the shoulder and waving you to keep up with him. 

You rolled your eyes and picked up where you left off, running along the track on the field. 

“I thought the whole point of this training session was to keep you distracted?” Steve asked when you finally caught up to him. He was practically skipping, barely breaking a sweat so that you’d be able to run side by side. 

Everything you did lately was to keep you distracted. You kept as busy as possible, taking missions and assignments when you could. Last week you were in Korea with Tony and Maria and before that you had been down in Wakanda with Steve and Sam for a few weeks and before that you joined Nat and Clint in Rio. 

You had already filled your field work quota for the month and Tony has insisted that you take some leave. Which is exactly why you were here at the compound running with Steve, rather than with Bucky, Sam and Sharon on the latest mission. 

“Well that was the idea. But my mind always finds a way to drift.” You admitted out loud. “And if I have to be honest Cap, you’re not very good at this.” You poked at him with a smile. 

Steve laughed, “Well, in my experience, things don’t go away by avoiding them.” He glanced over at you. “Maybe talking about it is the way to go.”

You thought about it. He was probably right. He always was. It’s true that you had been avoiding the idea of opening up to anyone, but the truth is you were avoiding even opening up to yourself. You would try to go through the motions, to think logically about all the possibilities about your current situation. But then you’d feel overwhelmed and just stop. Always telling yourself you’d save it for another day.

“You want to be my therapist now too Rogers?” You joked, trying to deflect from the conversation Steve was trying to start. He didn't answer though, only giving you a look that reminded you of your dad. 

You took a deep breath, and finally gave in. 

“I just wonder a lot of things. All the time.” You started. “Sometimes I think about what I would do if he doesn’t come back. How I’d move on with my life. Other times I think about what will happen if he does come back. How exactly are we going to make this work? Will I have to leave earth? Do I want to leave earth?” You asked rhetorically. “And then at the end of it all I just wonder if he’s even thinking of me. You know? Is he wondering the same things? Does he have a plan?”

Steve watched as you wrestled with your own thoughts. He stopped running and signalled for you to as well. “You know” he spoke up as the two of you continued along the track at a walking pace. “When I woke up, after they found me in that ice. The only thing I could think of for months was Peggy.” You turned to look at him in surprise. Steve rarely ever spoke of Peggy Carter. 

“I felt constant sense of guilt. About how my death must have affected her, about how she was able to get on in life. Was there anything I could have done?” He turned to look at you. “I know she did amazing things. She got married, had a family, started SHIELD. But despite all of her accomplishments, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about this whole other life we could have lived together. If I hadn’t...” There was a sense of sadness in his voice now as he trailed off.

“Steve...don’t. Don't put that on yourself.” You reached out to place your hand on the Alpha’s shoulder. He gave you a half smile, “The point is (y/n), whatever happens, your life will continue on and you will be fine. I know you will. But, don’t ever think that he isn’t up there thinking about you, wishing things could be different.”

Steve’s words hit you harder than you had expected they would and you found yourself just standing there. Repeating them in your mind. 

“And besides.” Steve continued. “Thor isn’t dead or frozen in a block of ice. He’s up there, alive and well.” He smiled. “You still have the chance to decide your future. Together.”

After a long pause you gave the Alpha a big hug. Thanking him for the talk before you continued on with your run. Feeling a little more optimistic than before.

A few days later you found yourself in the back of one of Tony’s town cars, pulling up to the front entrance of the Stark Tower in Manhattan. It had been a while since you had been to the city and you were here today at your own insistence. 

Tony still had you on leave from missions, but you were dying of boredom at the compound. You had harassed Stark enough to convince him into finding you a days worth of work helping Pepper out at Stark Industries. 

It couldn’t have come a better time either. Not only were you able to get away from the current heat season of the compound, but the energy of the city was like a detox for you. 

The driver opened the door for you and you thanked him kindly before heading inside. You had been given the direct access key to the private elevator and headed straight up to meet with Pepper. 

When you reached the floor of her office you were hit with an almost intoxicating scent of rose oil and lemons. 

Damn. You thought to yourself as you made your way down the hall.

Pepper was an Omega, but the kind of Omega that didn’t really live life as if she were an Omega. She was CEO of Stark Industries and lived at the tower full time, only visiting the compound on special occasions and Tony would have to travel into the city to see her. Which he did, happily and often. And despite not living at the compound, the pack has always considered her as their matriarch. 

Her scent dominated the office space and you could feel her presence everywhere. It was incredibly intoxicating, to see an Omega in a position of power like this. It was as if she were a Queen and Stark Industries was her Queendom. 

When you made it to the waiting area of Pepper’s office you were greeted by her assistant who lead you through the doors and asked you wait. She offered you various teas and coffees which you declined, only to immediately regret not getting that delicious caramel latte she mentioned. 

“(y/n)!” Pepper called your name after only a few minutes. “It’s so good to see you” She said happily, bringing you in to a hug. “Pepper!” you smiled, “Thank you so much for asking me to come down here today.” you greeted back. 

“Oh of course.” She said as she set her laptop down on her desk, along with some notebooks. “It’s so nice to have someone from the pack down at the tower for a change.” She smiled again as she sat down in her big leather chair. “So, how have you been?”

The two of you chatted for a while. Catching up on pack gossip and goings on. You made an effort not to talk about your Thor dilemma and in turn Pepper did not pry. Which worked out better for you as the whole purpose of going into the city for the day was to get away from your life at the compound.  

“So, Tony tells me you’re pretty good with computers and that you used to work in the technical department, is that right?” She asked, getting right down to business.

“Oh, uh, yes. I studied computer programming at university.” You answered, sitting up straighter than before. Suddenly feeling like you were in an interview. 

“I enjoyed it for a while, but then I realised it was much more fun to play with the toys that we made with those programs.” You winked.

Pepper laughed as well and shook her head. “You sound just like Tony.”

It turned out that the work Pepper needed help with wasn’t all that difficult. It was definitely something that an intern could do, but you had begged Tony to find you something to do and...he did. 

She needed your help with installing an encrypted storage program on her personal server where she would store her most important files. She was still storing some high high priority files in a safe in her office.

“I can’t be running one of the most technologically advanced companies in the world and still be working with paper!” She told you as she explained the task at hand. 

It was an easy mornings work. Within an hour you had the program up and running and spent the rest of the morning uploading the important files into the new system. After a while you needed a break and took a turn around Pepper’s office. First taking a look at the beautiful view from her giant windows, then trailing off to gaze at the wall of photos and diplomas by her desk.

You stopped at a lovely photo of Pepper and Tony. You could tell it was before they had bonded by the missing mark on her neck. He was holding her from behind with his arms draped around her waist and they were both laughing hysterically at something. 

Your fawning must have been palpable, because Pepper looked up from her work and chuckled. “Hmm.” She smiled. “That was Happy’s birthday party 8 years ago. I can’t believe how young we look.”

“You two are perfect together” You said, looking back at the photo before taking a seat in front of Pepper’s desk.

“Perfect?” She scoffed. “Hardly so.”

You laughed, “Well I just mean you’ve been together for so long. You must have such a strong connection and trust. Especially for him to give you Stark Industries”. You remarked, almost naïvely.

Pepper nodded, not looking up from her work. “I guess you could put it that way.” She said with uncertainty. “What do you mean?” You asked, slightly confused. 

Pepper looked up from her computer and smiled, “I love Tony, I really do. But that man is a disaster.” She said shaking her head in amusement. You laughed at the statement, eager to hear her reasoning. 

“He didn’t give me Stark Industries. I took it from him because he was running it into the ground.” She continued. Setting her laptop aside and getting comfortable in her seat, more than willing to take a break from the days work. 

“When Tony decided that he was Iron Man, he made it his life’s duty. He dropped everything else in his life to pursue it. And I mean Everything.” She said, enunciating with hand gestures. “I was only his assistant at the time, but once he started missing every meeting and every day of work I just had to take over.” she said while shaking her head as if she was still annoyed at how it all went down. “It was like his sole responsibility in life was to save the world!”

You laughed. It turned out that not much had changed between now and then when it came to Tony Stark. 

“Well, hopefully he realises how lucky he’s been to have you by his side throughout all this.” You said. “I’m sure it hasn’t been easy.”

Pepper nodded. “ Yes, I think he does now. Thank God” she said with a smile. “But there were a few years in between when I couldn't handle it anymore and I left. Him and all this.” She said looking around the room. 

“Really?” you gasped. You had always seen Pepper and Tony as the perfect couple. The glue that held everything together. You could never imagine picturing them apart from one another. 

“So what made you go back?” you asked, hoping you weren’t overstepping. 

“Because I love him.” she admitted, leaning further back in her chair. “I love him and being without him just didn't feel right.” she shrugged her shoulders. “I was never going to separate him from his duty to the Avengers or to the world. That is all part of the Tony Stark package.” she paused for a moment, looking back at the photo on the wall. “I had to decide whether being with him was worth putting up with all of it. And for me, it was.” She smiled. 

“And now here we are, running our little empire together. He’ll never admit it, but he knows that he needs me to keep this place afloat.” She said matter of factly. 

“A king cannot survive without a queen by his side.”

As some of Thor’s very first words to you came to the forefront of your mind, you crossed your arms over your chest. Suddenly feeling very exposed. 

You sat there in silence for a moment as a whirlwind of thoughts entered your mind. The more you thought about it the more you realised it. Thor wasn’t all that much different from Tony. A least, not when it came to his duty. The only difference between them being that Thor already knew he wanted someone by his side. And that person as it turned out, was you. 

You thought for a moment about all the sacrifices and compromises Pepper must have made when she decided to stay by Tony’s side. Accepting the fact that she would always come second to her Alpha’s sense of duty. You then thought about the other couples in your pack. Clint and his wife certainly had a complex arrangement and you imagined that Sharon had to come to terms with Steve’s hardened sense of duty many years ago. Suddenly, Bucky’s choice in such a docile Omega made sense to you in the grand scheme of things. 

“(y/n), are you ok?” Pepper said, waving her hand in front of your face. 

You shook yourself out of your haze. “Sorry, I uh...I just starting thinking about how complicated everything gets. No one we know really has a normal realtionship, do they?” you asked her. 

“In a pack like ours (y/n) there is no such thing as “normal” relationships.” She answered with a smirk. “With those Alphas? Are you kidding me?” She said, before you both burst into a fit of laughter. 

“Now, enough talk about Alpha’s and relationships, let’s go to for lunch” The Omega suggested as she got up from her desk and grabbed her purse

@usetheforce3434 @ourdreamsrealized @oknstark @jaegers-and-kaijus @alittlehoneybear @fundaymonday @iamwarrenspeace @lumelgy @steggy4ever @devilsbaby6 @dani-si @dreamingaboutthewonderland @yoursupernatural @maebeltranlove @thisisnotseriousbussiness @wintersire @talknerdytome25 @coffeeandmistakes @mellytonellysstuff @thewalkingmombie @naturalistamisslyn @fxnrisulv @leashab @illbewendyyoubepeter @isislockett @crowleyshellkitten @sammanthamariee @bookshelvesandteacups@marveloussssworld​ @lemonchapstick​ @randomlove15 @tinyfistwarrior@bodhi-black @mermaid099 @jeffersonstarships2099 @brooke-supernatural16​ @unic0rns-taking-0ver-th3-w0rld @lovely-geek​@greeneyedgal20 @blxcksoulsanddxrkflowers @spideysz @whyugottabsorude @i-think-i-am-adorable​ @lexie-mo​ @pinkgalaxyskull​ @palelightgiver​ @lokisgoldengoddess @bandstripper @memyselfandmaddox @assassin-inthe-scoutregiment @the-goddess-of-mischief @congurl @chaotic-neutral-spider @imjustalittlebean @rishlo @sunigyrl @supernaturalpotternerd @sonarsyndor @sea040561 @justcallmecinammon @inumorph @darkkitty @thewayilookatbacon @jumpingmanatee @pocmarvelworks @lovelyangelofasgard @ktjnn @debiwolft @milllionthingsihaventdone @occasionalfics @jmberries @badassbaker @vgurl18 @samanthasmileys @girlwhoisfearless @loverofthor @sthorgestavenger @loverofthor @slightlysoftgrunge @earinafae

[ask-serious-sans]

Bad Time Duo (Fanfiction) Part 10

Alphys' efforts to shoo Mettaton off were entirely in vain. The robot continued to try to convince the four to be part of his show, making it impossible for them to discuss anything with Alphys. "You simply have to appear on my show! The audience will love it! I have an exciting quiz show planned, it will be so much fun!" Mettaton said, beaming at them. "That does sound fun, but we're kind of in the middle of something important-" Papyrus attempted to explain. "Nonsense, I'm positive it can wait until after my show!" Mettaton replied. "After all, a quiz show is nothing without a contestant! And I'm really running out of time to find one." "Oh... Well, maybe-" Asriel spoke up, feeling bad for the robot. "Excellent! So you will help me?" Mettaton asked, sounding excited. "I, the Great Papyrus, will help as well!" Papyrus added, leaving Asriel no opportunity to back out. "This is wonderful! Now the quiz show can be a competition! I can already see the views skyrocketing!" Mettaton announced. Chara was slightly nervous, uncertain whether it was a good idea to let Asriel be part of the quiz show. "D-don't worry, human," Alphys spoke up, noticing their worries. "Mettaton is harmless. They... They'll be fine!" "Alright..." Chara said uncertainly. "A-anyway! We should start looking for, um... What was it you guys needed again?" Alphys added, looking embarrassed. Mettaton finished setting up the cameras as Sans explained what was going on in more detail to Alphys. Alphys gathered some books she thought might be useful, and she, Sans, and Chara started looking through them. Once the cameras were ready, Mettaton quickly explained to Papyrus and Asriel how the game show was going to work, and then rushed to his spot to begin the show. "Hello, beauties and gentlebeauties! Today, I have a very special treat for you all! This game show will be a competition between two amazing contestants!" Mettaton announced into a microphone. Papyrus and Asriel were both quite surprised when a camera was suddenly pushed almost into their faces, but quickly recovered. "Okay! Now, here's how this will work! I'll ask a question, and the first person to answer correctly gets a point! Whoever has the most points at the end will be the winner!" Mettaton explained cheerfully. "Without further ado, let's begin! First question: How many fireflies are in this jar?" Mettaton held up a jar full of fireflies for the two contestants to see. Papyrus and Asriel both walked over and started painstakingly counting each firefly. The fact that the fireflies were constantly flying around within the jar made this much more difficult, but neither backed down from the challenge. Mettaton was beginning to think that question had been a bad idea when five minutes later, the two were still attempting to count the fireflies. Both had lost count several times already, but neither was giving up. "Contestants, please, just make your guesses already, we need to continue the show-" Mettaton was cut off by the glares of two older siblings who did not appreciate Mettaton trying to make their brothers hurry up. "Or don't, it's fine," Mettaton said hastily. Papyrus and Asriel continued counting fireflies as though they hadn't heard anything. Finally, Papyrus and Asriel looked up from the jar which had held their attention for far longer than Mettaton had expected, and announced the correct answer at the exact same time. Mettaton seemed too surprised they'd actually gotten the right answer to care that this meant they both got a point. "Very good," Mettaton said after he recovered. "Next question! Two trains, train A and train B, simultaneously depart station A and station B. Station A and station B are 252.5 miles apart from each other. Train A is moving at 124.7 miles per hour towards station B, and train B is moving at 253.5 miles per hour towards station A. If both trains departed at 10:00 AM and it is now 10:08, how much longer until both trains pass each other?" "Can I have a piece of paper please?" Asriel asked. Alphys handed him a piece of paper. "Oh, me too!" Papyrus added. The two proceeded to start solving the question. Mettaton sighed, but didn't say anything as he waited for the two to solve the question. "32.058 minutes!" Asriel and Papyrus said at the same time. "Indeed, good job," Mettaton replied. It was clear the robot was concerned by the fact the two were willing to spend several minutes solving each question, which he figured was leaving the viewers bored. "Here's an easy question! How many letters are in my name?" "Eight," Asriel and Papyrus replied after a few seconds of thought. "Contestants, you're supposed to be competing here, the goal is to answer before your opponent," Mettaton pointed out. "But it's more fun if we both win," Papyrus pointed out. Mettaton facepalmed and glanced at the viewer count, expecting it to drop drastically. To his surprise, it actually increased. "Wow... Viewers love teamwork apparently! Good job you two, keep it up!" Asriel and Papyrus glanced at each other and shrugged. "The next question is-"

After the show ended, with Mettaton enthusiastically thanking the viewers for watching, he rushed over to where Alphys, Sans, and Chara were searching through books for useful information. "Alphys! You won't believe it! I had almost 100 viewers! That's the most viewers I've ever had for one show before!" "Th-that's wonderful, Mettaton," Alphys replied, smiling. "I know!" Mettaton turned back to Asriel and Papyrus with a grin. "You two simply must appear on my show again!" "Well..." Asriel trailed off, not even sure if he would be in this timeline when Mettaton had his next show. "I had a lovely idea for a cooking show," Mettaton continued. "I can make spaghetti!" Papyrus offered eagerly. "And I can make cookies!" Asriel added, all thoughts of leaving the timeline gone at the idea of making cookies. Mettaton beamed. "Perfect! I'll have 100 viewers in no time!" Then the robot rushed from the room, shouting, "I have to prepare a set!" Asriel and Papyrus walked over to the others. "Did you find anything?" Papyrus asked. "Not yet," Sans replied. "Chara," Asriel spoke up hopefully, "Can we stay long enough so I can be on the cooking show?" Chara knew the longer they stayed, the harder it would be to leave. Already, they were feeling somewhat uncertain; they had made many friends here that they would miss when they left. The longer they stayed, they would only meet more people to miss later. But seeing how excited Asriel looked, Chara couldn't bring themselves to say no. Besides, they hadn't found anything useful yet, so it wasn't like they had a plan to leave soon or anything. "Sure, Rei. I mean, look at all these books, we'll probably be here awhile anyway." Asriel grinned. "Great!" Then, he and Papyrus each picked a book from the stack of books Alphys had gathered and started searching through them. For hours they read through books, looking for information on timelines and how to travel between them, but by lunchtime they had found nothing. Alphys headed to the kitchen to make some ramen, followed by Papyrus and Asriel who insisted they make a healthier meal as thanks for her letting them search through the books. Once the sound of Papyrus and Asriel cooking spaghetti while Alphys stammered nervously could be heard, Sans looked up from the book he had been reading. "Hey." "Hmm?" Chara didn't look up from their book, the quiet reply the only indication they had even heard him. "Earlier, when Asriel mentioned wanting to stay longer... Do you not want to?" Chara was silent for several minutes. "It's not that... Not exactly. The longer we stay, the harder it will be to leave." "Well... You could stay." "What, never go back to our timeline? Just stay in this one?" "Yeah, I mean, if you want to... The king and Toriel would be happy to take care of you and Asriel." Chara was silent again, clearly deep in thought. Finally, they spoke, "Don't you think that would be kind of selfish of me?" "I think it would be selfish of all of us... The king and Toriel would have children to care for again... Papyrus would have another friend to cook with... Mettaton would have more viewers for his show 'cause Asriel and Papyrus are super cool, and Alphys seems to like having your help researching stuff, so she'll probably try to convince you to help her around the lab if you do stay." "What about you?" "I'm the most selfish of us all... As long as you're here, I don't have to worry about another human showing up and starting a genocide run." Sans sighed, "I'm sorry-" "No. I understand. If our roles had been reversed... I would have felt the same way." Chara was silent for awhile again, before continuing, "Well, we haven't found anything yet, so I doubt we'll be leaving anytime soon, anyway. We'll see how it goes."

They didn't find anything helpful in the books that afternoon, either, so after agreeing to return the next day, the four left the lab to return to Toriel's house. The motherly goat seemed more than a little relieved to see Chara and Asriel were still around, she had been slightly worried they would find a way to return to their timeline and leave without saying goodbye. She smiled as she listened to Asriel tell her about Mettaton's quiz show, with Papyrus adding in details here and there. When she heard they had not yet found a way for Chara and Asriel to return to their timeline, her smile grew, though she apologized almost immediately. "It's okay," Asriel replied cheerfully, "We won't be leaving until after Mettaton's cooking show anyway." Sans and Papyrus left after staying for dinner at Toriel's request. Shortly afterwards, Asriel fell asleep with the help of one of Chara's stories, but Chara remained awake long afterwards, deep in thought.

[cosmosogler]

after this many instances, i can’t tell if being dressed up like an ice cream cone just makes my day horrible or if being dressed up like an ice cream cone is what makes me feel a little sillier after a horrible day.

i dunno. pastel colors are just cheerful. i like these shorts and they only go with the ice cream shirt and the pokemon shirt.

well. i tried to sleep early last night but i was kept awake by, hmm, the usual sort of memories that make your eyes snap open when you’re laying alone in the dark. snoop won’t protect me the way i know eve would. i could feel the, just... heaviness wearing into my face as i tried to settle in and get some sleep.

it keeps me up a lot of nights. weird things set it off. laying in certain positions. unpredictable trains of thought, or maybe my thoughts just get derailed every now and then. certain noises. makes it hard to get comfortable.

i don’t have to “bury the hatchet” with dad if he doesn’t acknowledge there even is a hatchet, right? because his behavior during the family vacation was unacceptable and he never said even one word about it except to be passive aggressive the last month at home.

i wonder if mom notices that i ask about my brother and sister and the dogs but not dad. honestly i don’t really care how he’s doing... i don’t have energy to devote to things i don’t care about and i don’t have the energy to pretend i do care either.

i actually don’t usually ask mother how she is doing either. i feel like that’s a bad habit to get into. i really don’t have any other resources right now though. since i’m three hours ahead of my family now i really can’t... find any good time of day to call my siblings and chat with them. not that i was talking to them that much at home anyway...

anyway i went to school. i left at 7:55, which is TECHNICALLY before 8. i had woken up while it was still dark, 6:30... it was hard to get moving.

no one was at the department when i got there except people who were actively teaching classes so i sat at my desk and tried to power through the quantum homework by myself. i did get a little help with the problem i had trouble with last night from an internet acquaintance, and i did the third and fourth problems by myself with not too much trouble. 

jennica came into the office about 10 minutes before class and i asked her for help. she pointed out what i should focus on and i compared it to algebra distribution and she said “not at all.” then she proceeded to describe how to do the problem using algebra distribution and i got annoyed but i didn’t say anything at the time. quibbling about what to call the thing i was doing cost me time i needed. i tried to do the rest between mechanics and quantum and didn’t get it done. i had to turn it in anyway. i was a little over halfway through it. at least i ha all the other problems done.

after quantum i was hanging out with the other students in suzanne’s office and we were talking about how to manipulate operators because the professor had not been clear on what exactly he was doing when he showed us some stuff at the end of class. he’d skipped a step or two and we were trying to kind of reverse engineer his final equation. jennica disagreed with us about where we could put the operator, even though it was clearly shown in the book. then she started doing the exact same thing we had just done on the blackboard and continued to disagree with us while using the math we had just used. i got that angry static in my head so i went out to try to eat some lunch in my office.

i know she’s probably smarter than i am, or at least a more consistent worker, but it’s frustrating to argue with someone who agrees with you but won’t consciously agree with you. and it’s frustrating to argue with someone when you’re using facts from the textbook with the page open and they are saying “no, that’s wrong.” and then not explaining why they think that.

but she got the homework done and i didn’t. so.

anyway i was checking my emails while i was unpacking my lunchbox and i found the email from the physics adviser. 

(aside- i instinctively spell it “advisor” and i can’t figure out why because every spellcheck keeps correcting me. i looked it up on google and the dictionary says either is fine but i don’t like the red line.)

so my test scores were so bad that i had to meet with him in less than two hours to discuss “schedule adjustments.” i responded the responsible way: by freaking the hell out. i paced around in my office for about 30 minutes before i gave up on trying to sit down and i went out to the counseling center for my group intake appointment. i also stopped by the pharmacy. and i tried to call mom four times. she didn’t answer. i talked to oz about it a little bit while i was walking and waiting at the center. 

i know, deep down, that in my field any sign of weakness or inconsistency is basically death. getting sick will get you laid off when finances get low. being a woman will get you laid off when finances get low because if you’re a woman you have to be exceptional to be considered average. (white) men with the very same qualifications get priority. 

i do not have the advantage of good health. i just don’t. this seriously hurts my ability to perform on a rigorous class schedule. this is why i think that i may not... get my phd. i am afraid that knowing i might not get it is what will cause me to not get it. i’m afraid that the lack of confidence is going to be the deciding factor here. but i can’t not know about this. it’s a very real handicap for me. when i am too stressed for too long my internal organs start permanently shutting down apparently.

ha ha, in a few years i’m not going to have any non-vital organs left. probably.

during my intake interview i started crying and said i was very unhappy today. i felt really bad for taking this interview and making it about this upcoming talk with the advisor. i had brought up that one of my goals for group would be to make the transition to graduate life... at that point i was worried about it still being “graduate” by the end of the day though.

you know, when i went to the pharmacy, i kept telling myself “i’m not going to need those later” in an effort to talk myself out of refilling my medications. i’m not going to need those later, it doesn’t matter, nothing means anything.

when i looked at the front door i sighed and said to myself, “but i will need them later, won’t i.” and that heaviness fell over my entire body again. i’m not afraid to die as much as i am afraid to survive.

mom finally called back as i was leaving to get to the advisor’s office back in the physics department. i told mom what was going on and she said “well, talk to him then!” and i dunno, i felt so brushed aside. i didn’t tell her i was afraid of losing my tuition waiver or my paycheck because of the change in course credits or whatever was going to happen. 

the professor was very nice as usual. he did tell me that my prelim results were extremely worrying. i actually almost passed the thermo portion of the test, but i got essentially a 0 in literally every other subject. he wanted me to drop down into undergrad courses for two out of my three subjects. it ended up that undergrad quantum meets exactly during my classical mechanics lecture, so i got to stay in graduate quantum. he said that was very risky. i told him it wasn’t that i was deciding to take a risk so much as that looked like it was just how it was going to be. he said yeah. 

he was nice about it... he told me that once the university had taken on a graduate student they couldn’t just screw them immediately and that he and the board had put a lot of effort into adjusting my schedule to make sure i had a chance to succeed. and retaking one graduate course next year won’t put me too behind schedule. but if i don’t get a b+ or higher in any of the courses i’m taking now i would be in a lot of trouble schedule-wise and gpa standard-wise.

i dunno. i feel like i didn’t actually have any control over any part of this situation. i feel like i got cheated out of the potential to do well on that test by my eight-month illness. i feel like i should have kept going anyway even though i could only eat so little that i had even lost a lot of weight. 

feeling cheated is the worst. or, one of the worsts.

i feel like i don’t have any control over the direction my life is going in. i mean... i’m making choices, i’m making a lot of them every day and lots of compromises and calculations. but big picture wise i am severely limited by how sick i get and by how dumb i am. i didn’t have any choice about how my schedule was going to change. i didn’t have any choice in which grad school i got to go to. 

i guess i made the choice to go to grad school at all. 2 choices is NOT very many though.

i chose to cough up a pile of money for snoopy’s well-being. mike told me that it is worth it, cats will definitely live longer if they are on the prescription diet after they get kidney disease. snoopy doesn’t have a lot of control over her life. i try to give her some say in what happens. i ask to pet her, i stop brushing if she doesn’t want to even if she’s still kinda grimy. it’s sometimes easier to figure out what cats do and don’t want than it is to figure that out with dogs. 

i’m not gonna compensate for the lack of control in my life by grabbing snoopy’s though. i’m just trying to recognize that i can work within some parameters. even if i’m not happy about the way my academic life is already falling apart around me 10 days into the semester.

so i got a new e&m class and professor with the undergrads. his teaching style is a mess but i already know the material very well from this part of the course. i’m kind of surprised and shocked that he is doing this part of the course so early- why aren’t they working on point charges and forces BEFORE they do flux and green’s theorem and stuff like that? 

he asked me to meet with him tomorrow after lunch. so i’ll be doing that i guess. i need to look up his course web page and syllabus...

after class i was feeling REALLY bad so i went home. i said hi to snoopy and cleaned her litter box and sat around for a while. then i made spaghetti for dinner. it was missing something, and i’m not sure what it was, but i know i didn’t have it anyway. i’m thinking i should use a different kind of marinara sauce.

then i ate a ton of oreos and listened to a taz episode. it was really good... the podcast, i mean. the oreos had gotten a little stale. i forget that it’s humid here and food ages differently.

i had meant to get to some homework from my to-do list but i spent the night diddling around on the computer doing basically nothing instead. i also had ice cream because i just really wasn’t feeling good at all emotionally and i wanted sugar. 

tomorrow i need to teach two labs in a row!!! hopefully it will go better than my first one, which did not go well at all!!!!!

i’m not sure how to proceed here. i didn’t really... read anything tonight. like the lab manual, which i did want to brush up on before i tried to teach the lab again. there was all kinds of weird stuff in there that we didn’t do in the practice lab last thursday and i wanted to be more familiar with it. maybe i can do that before i leave tomorrow. i’ll try to get up a little earlier... 

man, i don’t want to sleep at all. i remembered my dream last night. i kept getting talked over by neckbearded dudes. i couldn’t do anything without getting interrupted, and also i was in a part of “dirt college town” that i had never been in before and it was difficult at best to navigate. at the end i was wandering around in a swamp (which was also in a computer?) and there were the nerds trying to “find secrets” and also there was a bear. i wanted to be alone i think. well, i do now.

[works-of-evection-blog]

I was a product tester for an app similar to Uber.

Isn’t it funny how getting into cars with strangers is fine now because our phones tell us it’s okay? You and your drunk girlfriends need a lift home at 3am and taxis are far too expensive – don’t worry! Dave will swing by in 5 minutes and pick you up in his own car! I get it, it’s heavily regulated and such, and to be honest, I’ve never heard of anything really dark happening to people who use Uber, myself included. So when I was contacted via LinkedIn to be a product tester for a new type of app, dubbed the “Uber for impulsive decision makers” I thought, “Cool, why not?’

Firstly, I had a meeting with the people who were creating the app. We talked over coffee and they just asked me a few, casual routine questions. It almost felt like a quiz. “How often do you travel?” “Do you plan in advance or do things last minute?” “On a scale of one to ten, how whimsical would you rate yourself?” They were a young man and woman who were very down to earth with that geeky side to them, really nice people. After our coffee chat, we parted ways and they told me they’d call in a few days. Well, a few days went by and I didn’t receive any calls or emails. I figured I wasn’t successful but I always got disgruntled when people didn’t follow up to let me know.

It was during a rather uneventful shift at the office that I received a phone call from a number I didn’t recognise. “Hello Cherie speaking.” “Hi Cherie! My name’s Tom and I work with Bella and Johan, who I believed you met about a week ago regarding the new ride sharing app?” “Oh, hi Tom. Yes, I did meet with them. I never heard anything back though.” “Yes, apologies for not getting back to you sooner. We’ve been really busy with the startup the past week and have only just got around to calling our successful product testers, of which you are one of them! We hope you’re still interested?” “Oh! That’s excellent! Yeah of course I am. What do I need to know?” “Great Cherie, just great. Well, I’ll email you a little more information and an acceptance form that I need you to fill out. Once you get that back to me, we’ll be able to set you up for a product test!” “Okay, sounds great.” “Excellent, bye!”

That was the first time my stomach twinged with apprehension, but of course, I ignored my gut and waited for the acceptance form to come through. I clicked it open and whoa – for a seemingly cool job I’d have done for a free meal, they were offering a decent sum of money. Kinda weird, but eh, maybe those founders were just cashed-up rich kids that wanted to start hype early by offering decent pay packages to their team members. I definitely wasn’t gonna complain. I hastily read the generic terms and conditions, signed and sent it back to Tom. As I clicked send, my gut twinged again. This time, I brushed it off as hunger and went to lunch.

I never received confirmation back from Tom regarding my acceptance form. But the next day I received a link to download the app. I did so, and my phone seemed to work as fine as before, so no nasty surprises there. The app didn’t have a name yet, it had just been named Test App 345 and had a slightly less slick design and layout than Uber. However, there was no Request Ride option. There weren’t any options at all. Just a map screen that had a pin at my current position. I pondered over this for about 5 minutes, waiting to see if anything was still loading, but when nothing happened, I closed the app and got ready for bed.

I awoke at 1am from a notification sound on my phone. Test App 345 shone at me through the darkness. The notification simply read, “You’ve got a ride request”. What? I was 100% sure I signed up to be a rider, not a driver. I opened the app to read a little more text, but I was still in a state of confusion. “A driver nearby has requested to take you somewhere!” Ummm…okay? Was this how the app worked? Oh, wait. The Uber for the impulsive decision-maker, duh! Suddenly it made sense – they were hiring drivers to take people on mystery drives. Cool concept? Of course. Seedy as fuck though? Definitely. I thought about the payoff, and quickly put on a jumper and jeans. This was dumb, but a kind of excitement took over me. I hit accept on the app.

I went outside to see a car pulled up right out front. The street was eerily silent and the night was still. The only thing that interrupted the quiet was the low hum of the engine. I walked up to the window and tried to make out a face. A man put the passenger window down and waved as I approached. “Um, Cherie?” “Y..yeah, that’s me.” “I’m sorry dude, 1am wasn’t my idea, but that’s kinda how the app works apparently. I’m Norman, by the way.” So far, Norman seemed normal enough, so I opened the car door and hopped in. “Well, nice to meet you Norman. So you can see my name on the app, but I can’t see yours?” “Yeah, I’m not sure whether that’s because of the whole surprise factor, or a prejudice thing. I probably know as much as you. Basically, I get a notification that tells me when to get in my car and then I’ll sit and wait until a rider accepts the drive request. Guess you were the only person up.” “Hmm, interesting. How many people are testing it at the moment, do you think?” “No clue, but I’m really fascinated by the concept.” “Yeah, it seems pretty cool. Kinda weird though, no control over when you drive though…” “I like to think that’s part of the beauty. Keeps things interesting, especially for young people who aren’t creative enough to think of things to do or places to go anymore. It’s like an adventure with a stranger.” “Huh, guess I didn’t think about it like that.”

We drove and chatted for a long time. The whole time neither of us checked the time, or found nothing to talk about. We just drove around, talking and admiring the lights of the city while Norman followed the randomised GPS route on his phone. To be honest, it was one of those few movie-perfect moments in my life to date. Test App 345 was a really cool concept.

We started heading south of the city when I first questioned where we were going. “Umm, I’m not too sure, but the GPS says we’re about 10 minutes away from the destination.” “How well do you know this area?” “I have a few friends who live down around here, but I’m not too sure where we’re stopping. Nervous?” “I’m not too sure how I feel right now. Nervous excitement, maybe? I mean, I’m not hacked up in someone’s shed right now so, so far so good.” Norman let out a nervous laugh. “Oh shit, I’m sorry Norman! That probably sounded a little messed up. Geez, it’s kinda easy to forget you’re a total stranger when we’ve been night-driving and talking for the past 30 minutes.” “Heheh, yeah I get you. I’m nervous excited too.”

Eventually we pulled up at the end of a fairly run down cul-de-sac. There were no houses on the end, just a small field leading down towards a creek. We turned to look at each other with apprehension in our eyes. It gave me comfort knowing he looked as confused as me. He turned off the car and said, “Okay Test App 345, what now?” The silence was so thick you could almost pour it over yourself. Suddenly, we had nothing to talk about. I stared out into the grassy field and looked out my window. The street was still and black. I checked the time. 2:17am.

The sudden BING from Norman’s phone made us both jump. He read the notification out loud. “A driver is waiting for you to accept their ride request.” He turned to me and mouthed “what?” to which I simply shrugged. “Adventure Phase 2? What do I do, though? I haven’t received anything, my app still says ‘With Norman’.” “Maybe, we’re supposed to go together.” “Well, I sure as hell aren’t staying in your car until you come back.” “Yeah, fair call. Okay, I’m accepting the request.”

Within 5 minutes, a car turned into our street and pulled up next to us. I had to keep reminding myself that nothing bad had happened so far, but it wasn’t doing anything for my nerves. The new car’s window lowered. “Hey guys, I’m Dean.” We slowly got into his car and began the next part of this ‘adventure’. I’m not sure whether it was my growing nervousness or the sleep I was losing, but I started worrying for my safety. Either way, we drove and talked, all three of us. Dean was nice enough as well; we all discussed the weirdness of the app, how we were contacted to be a part of it and what we were getting in return. “Yeah man,” said Dean, “as a uni student, I’m happy to accept anything!” he pulled out a card and flashed it. It was a $50 gift card to Coles. “I’ll be able to actually buy real vegetables for a change! Hahah.” “Hahaha right on! I got one of those too!” Okay…the guys got $50 Coles gift cards? And they already had been payed. I wasn’t sure how to respond when they asked me if I got one too. “Uh..yeah, heh. I left it at home.” Their voices faded away as my head filled with the sound of my own heartbeat. That gut twinge had become a heavy rock, sending my stomach down in an instant. I couldn’t figure out why they would offer a rider so much more than the drivers for this test. The rest of the drive was an indefinite blur. Before I knew it, we were parked outside my house and silence fell again.

“Well, um, I guess this means it’s the end of my trip?” BING. This time it was my phone that sounded. I read the notification from Test App 345 slowly: “Invite Dean and Norman inside for coffee.” Even though these guys had both been super chill so far, I’d known them for a whole 2 hours. This was crossing a line with me. “What’s it say?” “Um, it says ‘Thanks for testing the app’. I guess that means bed time for me. I actually really had  fun with you guys tonight-“ B-BING. Both of their phones lit up in unison and they looked down to check. They looked at each other and back at me with apprehension. “What? What’s it say?” “Uhh, Cherie, it says you’re lying.” I let out a slow breath. My throat was closing up and I honestly felt scared. What the fuck was this? I was sick of this fucked game, so I decided to do what I should have done earlier. “Okay guys, it’s telling me to invite you into my house for coffee. But to be honest, that just makes me really uncomfortable. You guys have been cool, but I don’t know you. I just can’t let you in to my house…” “Hey, Cherie, I totally get it. I agree, that is a little weird.” “Yeah, I mean, I signed up to drive people around and that’s it. Nobody told me anything about going into stranger’s houses.” I was so thankful that they agreed with me. “Yeah, I think this is enough weirdness for me. I reckon I’m just gonna go right ahead and delete the app.” Then, all of our phones went off. We unlocked them, and a timer appeared, counting down from 25. “What the fuck?” With each depleting number, the ticking sound became…uglier, more hostile. We all sat, frozen, staring at our screens. “What should we do?” asked Norman. I was trying to control my emotions, but the frantic, loud ticking was making things difficult. “Fuck it, just come up and make this stop!”

We were all inside my apartment by the time the timer counted down. Shaken and panicked, we all looked around at each other. I immediately fumbled for the light switch and bathed us all in an off-yellow glow. “Look guys, I’m sorry, this is the weirdest fucking night-“ BING. “UGH, WHAT NOW? Jesus Christ, ‘Make them some coffee’. Okay guys, I’ll put on some coffee. Can we talk about how weird this is please?” “Fuck, if I knew this is what it’d be like, I wouldn’t have done this. I’m just as in the dark as you two. Norman, you met Bella and Johan didn’t you?” Norman turned to Dean, “Yeah, just as you did. And you met up with them too, Cherie?” “Yup, almost two weeks ago.” Dean looked pensive for a second, then said, “What did they look like?” “Well, Bella was a redhead – short hair with glasses. Johan had dark features, and he was very well-dressed.” Suddenly Norman piped up, “That doesn’t sound like who I met at all. When I met them about three weeks ago, Bella was blonde and tanned, Johan was also really blonde and tanned.” “And four weeks ago the Bella and Johan I met with were twins.”

We stared at each other, disbelievingly. I had had enough of these mind games, it wasn’t worth the price anymore. “I’m gonna try calling Tom. Right now. The guy who sent out the acceptance forms.” I searched back through my calls and came across the number. It rang for about half a second before a robotic lady told me the number had been disconnected. “Fuck! The number’s disconnected.” “Okay you’re doing nothing for my nerves, Cherie. Are one of you in on this?” Dean looked as agitated as I felt. Norman shook his head rapidly. “Dean, Norman. For the sake of everyone’s nerves. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that if either of you haven’t tried anything really fucked up yet, then it’s safe to say that you’re both as confused and worried as I am at this point.” Dean regarded me suspiciously, but he nodded, if only for the false hope of believing I was not a threat. My apartment filled with the sound of bubbling water and I prepared the coffee in silence. Nobody’s phone rang or buzzed.

Read Part 2