#and as someone who has a dad with PTSD over someone who they lost you just learn to help ppl through grief

[youareunbearable]

Actually here take this fun little idea.

Growing up, Elrond and Elros used to watch Maedhros grieve. They used to whisper to each other, for they were told that Elves who suffer and Feel too much may fade from their grief. Yet Maedhros has so much, he wraps himself up in his loss and his despair and guilt looms over him and makes his shadow even longer than his height. The twins whisper and murmur, coming up with wilder and wilder reasons for how an Elf so full of grief can go on.

Its Ages later when Elrond has the answer. Sometimes, when it seems you have lost everything, everyone, the only thing left to do is to continue on for them.

[calciumcryptid]

Does anyone else see the vision of an alternate universe where Vegas and Macau were adopted into the main family, so when Pete comes around Vegas and Tankhun are duking it out over who gets him as a bodyguard? Wait, give me a second:

In this universe, the uncle is slain and Vegas and Macau are brought into the main family. There could be any reason for this, I like making Mama Theerapanyakul alive and having her go "I can excuse emotional abuse, but I draw the line at physical abuse" (I have opinions about the former matriarch). It ultimately doesn't matter, this is just the set-up.

So Vegas and Macau grow up as main family members (while reminded of the difference), and they are around for everything. All the usual bodyguards joining, Tankhun's kidnapping, etc. Vegas is Kinn's little shadow and they have a better relationship (regular sibling rivalry rather than i want to kill you and usurp your throne cousin rivalry) and eventually Vegas is set to be the minor head to Kinn's major head and they are gucci.

At some point, Pete joins the bodyguard.

I imagine this would happen a little bit after Tankhun's kidnapping, and the only reason he is here is because Chan is covering up Pete murdering his abusive father and being a former boxer means Pete has some skills to shape into a bodyguard. Plus, Tankhun lost his usual rotation and they are having a hard time to get someone into his guard rotation because the former heir has PTSD so Pete can be groomed into the guard Tankhun needs.

It works, Tankhun likes Pete and goes "Mine".

The problem is Vegas had a nightmare flare-up, and happens to talk with Pete and they bond over shit dads and Vegas thinks Pete is so cool because he got to kill his dad and oh no there is the Theerapanyakul obsession. This will end well.

So the day comes where Pete is meant to get his official assignment, and he thinks it is going to be for Tankhun because that is the entire purpose he is there except suddenly Vegas wants Pete and sure Tankhun wants Pete but Vegas wants Pete, carnally.

Anyways, that is the basic plot idea.

Bonus points if there is some age fuckery, like Pete is about Kinn's age and Vegas is younger than Kinn so the showdown goes a little:

Tankhun, in his twenties traumatized and determined, yanking Pete in one direction: He is my bodyguard. Vegas, snot-nosed teenager with massive spoil brat energy, pulling Pete in the opposite direction: He is my husband. Pete, freshly eighteen just trying to see another day: What?

[yanderes-galore]

Asum 'Mdama / Bakar (Halo) with a platonic obsession over someone he got attached to as a parental figure at Onyx. His mom is dead and his dad abandoned him for petty revenge and then died too so I can see him having an unhealthy obsession towards the next person he sees as a parent. Just headcanons are fine.

I have never read Legacy of Onyx but I heard it was... poor. However, I did my research on this character, so I can write a little something for him for you :)

Yandere! Platonic! Asum 'Mdama (Bakar) Concept

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Slight manipulation, Clingy behavior, Overprotective behavior, Violence, Blood, Murder, PTSD, Isolation, Dubious companionship.

Asum, now Bakar once his parents passed and he was separated from his brother, is much different from your typical Sangheili.

Sangheili males are often depicted as hardened warriors, always choosing the path of violent glory and honor.

Since the death of his mother, Bakar had been turned off to violence.

He's a young male Sangheili yet he always avoided fighting.

Even when human orphans threatened him, he held back.

Although he could easily slaughter a human without even trying.

Bakar is definitely someone who avoids conflict due to what he's been through.

He's not typically a fighter, although he has the strength for it.

Due to Bakar's past, I can see him becoming attached to someone he views as a parental figure.

Like... unhealthily attached.

Due to the nature of what happens on Onyx, I can see Bakar being attached to a Sangheili or human.

Bakar is not judgemental of humans, even if other humans dislike what his race has done.

After all, Bakar knows his species glassed many human planets.

Hate is expected.

Bakar would feel at home with a Sangheili he's close to and views as a mentor.

Yet a human could be interesting as then it makes him feel... accepted in a way if you were a mentor.

Bakar is already considered an outcast by his kind and was cast aside.

But with you? No matter your species?

He feels accepted.

Bakar knows regardless he isn't going to be raised as a warrior.

Yet he never wanted that.

Honestly, you could be teaching him tech or something mundane and Bakar listens wholeheartedly.

You originally are around him to mentor and watch over him since other orphans mess with him.

You sometimes wish he stood up for himself... He's capable but just refuses....

You could just be doing work and Bakar often shows up to check on you.

It's sort of adorable for the young Sangheili to be so curious and attentive.

Honestly, you may not mind the bond he tries to make with you at first.

You've briefly heard of what he's gone through.

His parents died and he's been abandoned by his species for being a pacifist.

With a story like that you may feel inclined to step in and aid him.

Bakar is quite well behaved around you and other misfits.

Due to his nature I see him as rather tame.

Protective yet tame.

The most intense he'd be normally around you is the fact he hovers around you to listen and learn from you.

You didn't even foster him and he treats you like you're meant to be his parent.

It would be even stranger as a human since he had a Sangheili foster parent... yet he connects with a human more?

He seems needy or upset when you suggest he leaves you alone for a bit at times too.

However, Here's the most yandere thing I can think of for him...

Bakar is a pacifist, yes...

But would he remain that way if you were going to die?

Bakar's already lost so much.

He may not be the most affectionate with you... but he respects you and looks up to you!

You didn't entirely pick up on the extent Bakar cared for you.

His worst behavior would happen if your life was threatened.

Maybe some other Sangheili who believe in his father's teachings get their hands on you?

They're threatening you and interrogating you... long fingers wrapped around your neck like they could snap it in an instant.

Bakar tries his best to speak and talk them down.

Yet he's threatened and ignored.

Seeing you struggle stirs something in Bakar...

He thinks back to the news of his mom...

He thinks of you dead.

Just when you're about to pass out...

Thick Sangheili blood splatters onto you.

Bakar hasn't handled a weapon much.

Be that human or Covenant in origin, he struggles a bit but...

Something took over him when he saw you on death's door.

From that moment, Bakar is a changed Sangheili.

He struggles but by the end of it... you're safe... albeit a mess.

Bakar is immediately by your side when he sees you.

He apologizes, yet says he's saved you as he drags/carries you somewhere safer.

I imagine after this event, Bakar momentarily drops his pacifist beliefs.

He realizes how easy it is to lose even you.

It scares him into acting, the event of you almost dying in front of him forces him to give into instinct.

Imagine if Bakar becomes more suffocating and protective, now always hiding a weapon in case you're hurt.

At first he was scared to take a life.

Yet when he realized it's them or you...

Suddenly it didn't seem so bad.

Imagine Bakar training himself to use guns in order to look out for you.

You advise against it but the Sangheili refuses to comply.

He may even tell you he's scared to lose you.

To the point he knows he needs to be violent to keep you beside him.

Bakar would be the most intense during this time when he saved you.

He never leaves your side and gets antsy around others near you.

It's sad to see... He used to be such a kind pacifist.

Now he's scared, anxious, and looks panicked at the thought of being alone again.

Nearly losing you makes him a monster.

He may beg you to stay beside him.

He doesn't even care about the blood at this point.

Bakar would sacrifice everything to protect you.

You're the closest to a parent he's ever had.

Nearly losing you breaks him.

Call it wrong... but maybe he should lock you in a bunker.

Then you'll be safe, right?

Maybe he should be more violent like his brethren...

Will that keep you safe?

Bakar is driven into fear, it fuels his obsession.

To him, he needs to be as unforgiving as the world to keep you safe and with him...

He won't let anyone pry you from him... He'll die fighting to keep you before losing you like his previous parents.

[takaraphoenix]

Home at the Hale Farm

Tags: m/m/m, polyamory, post-Nogitsune, PTSD, Stiles leaves Beacon Hills, Spark Stiles, fluff, hurt/comfort, Erica Lives, Boyd Lives, Allison Lives, Pack Alpha Peter, m/f, f/f

Main Pairing: Peter/Chris/Stiles

Side Pairings: Boyd/Erica, Jackson/Lydia, Malia/Kira

Teen Wolf Characters: Mieczysław 'Stiles' Stilinski | Stiliyan 'Stiles' Gajos, Peter Hale, Chris Argent, Derek Hale, Erica Reyes, Vernon Boyd III, Isaac Lahey, Jackson Whittemore, Lydia Martin, Allison Argent, Malia Tate, Kira Yukimura, Cora Hale, Noah Stilinski | John Gajos

@writersmonth Prompts: fur + farm

Summary: Theo is the last straw for Stiles, Scott believing Theo over Stiles. Not knowing how else to get out of Beacon Hills, him and his dad fake their own deaths. And it's the right choice, they're finally free and out of that hell-town. Stiles only has one regret, that he doesn't know where the Hale Pack lives and never had the chance to let them know that he's still alive. Until him and his dad move to London.

This Fic on FFNet | This Fic on AO3

Home at the Hale Farm

Stiles Summer Stories 2024

If asked when everything had started to go to shit, Stiles would probably pinpoint the Gerard Argent take-down as that moment. The very first time Scott had gone against Stiles, acted without even consulting Stiles. The first real crack in their friendship. Sure, they had drifted apart more and more since Scott had gotten together with Allison and prioritized his relationship over his friendship, but that? That betrayal had caused a rift between them. One that Stiles spent months trying to ignore, trying to mend, before it frayed more and more.

Additionally, that had been the last day Stiles had been a part of the Hale Pack. With Scott's betrayal, Derek turned his back on them. And Stiles didn't hold that against the then Alpha. But if that hadn't happened? If Scott and Stiles had stayed in the Hale Pack, maybe everything else wouldn't have happened. Maybe if Scott had been a proper beta, he would have never risen to being a True Alpha and then all of this wouldn't have happened and Stiles would still be happy with the Hale Pack, with Boyd and Erica, with whom he had forged a bond in that basement, with Isaac, who was just a big puppy, with Peter, who was—Stiles shook his head, trying not to think of Peter.

Scott became a True Alpha and, always the loyal best friend, Stiles became part of his pack. Derek gave up his Alpha spark to save his sister's life and the Hale Pack seemed to fall apart. Isaac, who had been drawn closer to Scott for months now, easily joined Scott's pack, together with Stiles and Lydia. The McCall Pack formed. But the Hale Pack wasn't done yet.

Peter Hale had too much ambition and he had lost too much in the past to give up the Hale Pack, to let it die fully. No, with so many spare Alphas running around, he had an easy time killing one to regain the Alpha spark for himself. This time, more sane and without killing a family member, the red eyes suited him much better, in Stiles' opinion.

But now there were two packs in Beacon Hills. Two Alphas with as much history as Peter and Scott? That was bound to blow up in all their faces. Tension rose, more and more. The two packs edged on and Stiles could see this escalating if someone didn't give. Peter gave.

"We're going to leave Beacon Hills, Stiles," Peter had told him back then, voice hard.

He'd stood with his arms crossed in Derek's loft. Derek, Cora, Boyd and Erica behind him, all avoiding Stiles' gaze. Looking like guilty puppies. It had made Stiles' heart clench so all he could do was nod at the Alpha, at the pack – the pack he once belonged to.

"I think it'll do you good," Stiles had offered softly. "There's so much trauma in this town. It's tried to kill every single one of you in the past. Heck, it did kill you, Peter. I hope… you'll be happy."

Peter had looked at him with an unreadable expression. "We're going-"

"Don't tell me," Stiles had requested, shaking his head. "You want to get out of here, get a new start. You don't want anyone in Beacon Hills know where you are. And I don't want to be the one to drag you back here. You gotta… leave it all behind."

"We don't want to leave you behind," Erica had looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"I'll come back for you, sweetheart," Peter had rested a hand on his cheek. "Day of your graduation, I am coming back and I will ask you to make the choice that I can't ask of you right now. But I trust Scott to fuck up badly enough to make this choice easy for you."

Stiles wondered if Peter had really known just how true his words would turn out to be, or if he'd just been a prick with a complex back then. Either way, Stiles had agreed to that and he had hugged them all. It had hurt, seeing them leave, but he knew it was the right decision for them and that was all Stiles wanted. For them to be happy, to not be dragged down by this damn town.

The McCall Pack gained two new pack-members, in the supposedly reformed former Alpha twins. That was when the crack in Scott and Stiles' relationship grew more, because he'd vetoed that. They had helped capture Cora, Boyd and Erica, had helped nearly kill them, but Scott was giving them a second chance? Not just by letting them go, but by offering them a place in their pack?

Next up, Malia Tate and Kira Yukimura joined the pack, as Stiles' life started falling apart. He got possessed by the Nogitsune, it used him to kill people, so many people. He'd killed Aiden and – and he killed Allison, even if nobody knew, because he'd poured all of his magic, all of his Spark, into saving her life as she bled out in his arms. She had still been gravely injured, had spent weeks in the hospital to recover, but she was alive and that was all that mattered. Or so Stiles thought.

It was the final straw for Chris to leave, as soon as Allison was discharged from the hospital. He'd only stayed after the rest of his family had died, one by one, because Allison insisted. This? This had been too close a call, Chris was done (Chris had no idea just how close and if Stiles had any say in it, Chris would never know that Stiles had actually killed his daughter). Stiles understood it. This town had taken so damn much from Chris. And Stiles was sure neither Chris nor Allison wanted to look at the boy who'd 'nearly' killed Allison. Stiles couldn't even look at himself, after all. Isaac left with them, left with his girlfriend and the man who'd been looking over him.

The last member of the Hale Pack left Beacon Hills and Stiles felt something inside him break.

If he'd known that this was just the beginning of the end? Maybe he would have packed up and left too. Not with them, he understood that the Argents would never want to have anything to do with him. If Stiles thought the possession was bad, the aftermath of it was even worse.

He couldn't sleep, ate less than he used to, pulled away from the pack, because the pack – Scott – pulled away from him. Couldn't even look at Stiles anymore. Asked Stiles' opinion less and less.

And then Gerard fucking Argent had returned. Which, brought him back to the beginning. The Gerard take-down was when things started coming apart, because Scott's stupid plan had left the man alive and nobody tracked him down to kill him, so of course had the vengeance obsessed bastard come up with a revenge plan. A deadpool on all the supernatural of Beacon Hills.

Stiles and Scott had fought about it, a lot, until Stiles started giving in, because he was so tired. He didn't sleep enough. He didn't get enough physical comfort. His dad was trying. Malia was… Malia was being a really good friend, was trying too, she understood physical needs, understood pack in a way that Scott never would, that Scott refused to learn. But Malia was also still struggling with being human and she had her new, shiny relationship with Kira, so she couldn't be there for Stiles 24/7 either. Lydia was trying, but whenever Stiles looked at her, he flinched away in guilt. He'd heard her Banshee scream for Allison the night Stiles had killed Lydia's best friend.

Theo was Stiles' breaking point. Theo, who waltzed into their pack and became Scott's right-hand just like that, had the Alpha's ear and trust and so easily filled a role that Stiles had always thought was his. The worst part was that Stiles knew Theo was up to no good. Was planning something. Theo knew Stiles knew, he kept taunting Stiles about it.

And then Donovan had happened, Stiles had killed him and Theo twisted Scott into accusing Stiles of murder. They didn't kill in Scott's pack. He didn't tolerate a killer in his pack. And Stiles, he knew it was about more than Donovan. It was about the people Stiles had killed. It was about their argument in regards to Gerard Argent and how they should have killed him.

"Kiddo," his dad had looked at him with broken eyes when Stiles had broken down in front of him that night. "Tell me what you need, tell me what I can do to fix this, please."

For months, he had watched his son fall apart, bits and pieces being chipped off Stiles. The possession had broken him, truly broken him, and Stiles was fighting every day to survive, but now he was losing what little stability he had – the pack.

"I need to get out of here, I'm drowning, dad," Stiles had sobbed into his father's shoulder, clinging onto him. "I'm treading water and I can't keep going, I can't, I'm going to drown if I don't get out. And I know he's not going to let me out, he won't, he'll kill you, he threatened you, I can't-"

His father's eyes had hardened. Determination. He'd lost his wife in this damn town, he wasn't going to watch his son die before his eyes. Not if there was anything he could do to help.

Two days later, the Stilinskis died in a tragic car accident.

Stiles' pack bonds had already been severed by Scott so there was nothing to worry about. If Scott didn't want to believe him that Theo was a threat? Fine, then. He could get himself killed. Stiles no longer cared. All he cared about was his dad, his dad's safety. Theo had made the wrong move threatening his dad. So they faked their own deaths and, with some skills Stiles had learned from Danny, started new lives, under new names. John Gajos and his son Stiliyan Gajos, so Stiles could keep his nickname, he couldn't shed himself fully.

As the two of them drove out of Beacon Hills and Roscoe stood in flames with two unidentified bodies they'd borrowed from the morgue, the only regret Stiles had was that he had no way of contacting the Hale Pack and letting them know he was fine. Maybe… Maybe even ask them if he could come live with them. His heart ached at that thought. No. Why would they want him, he was broken beyond repair, he'd killed his own pack-mates. No, this was better. Just him and his dad.

/break\

They'd traveled through the US for a couple months. Never staying anywhere for more than a couple weeks. They moved to Canada and lived there for a few months, giving Stiles the chance to settle and heal at least a little. As he healed, his Spark started to ignite again. Tiny, a fraction of what it used to be, but he could feel its warmth in his chest again. And that warmth pulled him away from America, over the ocean. He told his dad that it felt like his magic was pulling him and his dad had simply shrugged and started packing. They were doing this to be together, the destination didn't matter. It had made Stiles smile ever so softly. So the Gajoses packed up again and moved across the pond to London, because that's where his Spark was pulling Stiles.

The entire flight to London, Stiles sat curled together on his seat on the plane and he kept sketching in his notebook. He wasn't one for drawing, really. He took notes, used words. Words were his weapon of choice. But he'd felt restless since they left Toronto, since take-off.

His dad kept looking over his shoulder. "What are you drawing, kiddo? What is that?"

It startled Stiles out of his thoughts and made him actually look at the page. Swirls. Countless swirls. Always three swirls facing each other, meeting in the middle. The Hale triskele. Stiles' heart skipped a beat as he saw it over and over again on his page. In between, there were a couple of little arrows too. Arrow-heads between triskeles. A smile twisted on his lips.

"Nothing," Stiles muttered and turned the page. "Just something… that was important once."

Noah's – John's – eyes narrowed at him, but his father had mercy on him and didn't force him to explain. How could he? Arrows for the Argents, the man he'd been developing a crush on over the months after the Hales left, the girl who'd once time been a close friend and then Stiles had killed her. Guilt, shame, desire, loss, all knotted up into one twisted strange emotion. And the triskele. Longing, home, family, hope, friendship, belonging, loss, rejection.

London was going to be a new start for them. London was going to be good, Stiles just knew it. He didn't know how, but he knew that this was where him and his dad were going to get a proper fresh start. Beacon Hills kept casting a long shadow that had reached even all the way to Canada and Stiles couldn't, he couldn't, he could not be tempted to go back. London would be safer.

/break\

John sighed tired as he entered their apartment, gaining Stiles' attention. He tilted his head to look at his dad. They shared a small apartment, two bedrooms, a kitchen barely big enough to turn around. But they had to leave everything behind when they left Beacon Hills, including any money they had. All they had saved was a thumb-drive, with all of Stiles' work and all of their family pictures on it – they had both been grateful for fourteen year old Stiles' hyperfixation on scanning all their analog family photos one summer – and the clothes on their backs. Stiles hadn't been able to leave his red leather jacket behind, it was the last thing he'd gotten from Peter, a parting gift when the Hales had left Beacon Hills three years ago. An unspoken promise, since leather jackets were a Hale Pack thing, like they were a gang and not a group of werewolves. Stiles had worn it with pride, even when Scott would glare at it. He couldn't let that go up in flames back then.

With all their worldly possessions and all their savings going up in flames, they'd spent the months of traveling through the US doing odd jobs, anything to get enough money to keep them moving. Living from the hand to the mouth. They were able to gather some small savings during their time in Canada, but that was entirely burned on the move to London.

"Hey, dad," Stiles greeted, returning his attention to the newspaper.

"Hey, kiddo," John stepped up to his son, ruffling his hair and kissing the top of his head. "What are you doing? Looking for jobs again? ...Anything interesting?"

So far, since moving here, Stiles had been working as a waiter in a café. His dad had found a job in a private security company. He couldn't bring himself to join law enforcement, not under a fake name. Mostly, his dad worked nights, which meant they didn't see each other too much, but they needed to make ends meet and his dad's job at least paid enough to keep them afloat.

"I don't…" Stiles trailed off as a name caught his eyes.

His heart jumped into his throat. Hale & Associates. It wasn't a rare last name. There were tens of thousands of Hales in the world. Still, seeing that name made something warm unfurl in his chest. A law firm. The named partner was looking for a private assistant and secretary. Was it silly? To want to apply to a job he had no experience or qualifications for, solely based on the firm's name?

Oh well, the worst that could happen was that he got yet another rejection. Who knew, maybe the name would be his lucky charm, maybe they could catch a break with this. He was going to try.

/break\

Chris smiled bemused as he walked into his husband's law firm, their daughters trailing after him, arguing the entire time. Allison and Malia had adjusted horribly to being step-sisters, taking all the worst quality of siblings. He reached one hand out to ruffle Malia's hair.

"Christopher, what have I told you about bringing the girls?"

Peter heaved a long-suffering sigh as he looked up from the file on his desk. Chris loved that office, it was huge, with a large window front behind him, overseeing all of London. A display of power, something his husband had always loved. Smiling, Chris approached and grabbed Peter by the neck, pulling him into a kiss while the girls set up lunch.

"We aren't girls anymore," Allison pointed out. "We're twenty. Well, I'm twenty-one."

"Don't play the older card again," Malia rolled her eyes.

"Why are they arguing?" Peter asked, turning to Chris.

Mh. Chris blinked repeatedly. He actually had no idea, he'd fully tuned them out.

"We're arguing about the new menu at Stiles' Sweets!" Allison huffed. "Boyd let Erica talk him into adding something absolutely abominable that is not edible. Everyone in the pack knows not to let Erica make any food decisions. But his mate looks at him with the big, brown eyes, he caves."

"I think it's good," Malia glared. "It's weird, but that's good. Stiles liked weird. Stiles would have liked it a lot, so we should keep it on the menu."

For a moment, Chris couldn't breath, his hand grabbing Peter's shoulder to cling onto his husband. Peter wrapped an arm around Chris' waist, pulling him close. Even without seeing Peter's face, Chris knew there was a twist of pain on it. It had warmed their hearts when Boyd and Kira had opened their little café and honored their lost, beloved pack-mate by naming the café after him. But every time the boy came up in conversation, it still hurt the Alpha pair. It hurt a lot.

Peter had left first and he had chosen to not force Stiles to make a decision, had left Stiles behind and promised to come back for him. He never got the chance to. Months before graduation, Stiles and his father had died in a horrible car accident.

Chris felt the same. When he'd left that wretched town, with Allison and Isaac, he had left Stiles behind, had thought it would be wrong to force the boy to leave, thought Stiles would be safe and comforted by his pack. That that was where he needed to be to heal.

Now Stiles was gone forever and they could have prevented it if they had just taken the boy.

"What are you working on, Peter?" Allison asked in a soft voice, changing the topic.

The Alpha lifted his head to offer his stepdaughter a forced but grateful smile. "I'm looking through applicants. Since someone insists on me getting a personal assistant."

"The entire pack agrees that you need a personal assistant, babe," Chris huffed. "I love how much you are flourishing in your work, but you absolutely need someone else to organize it for you and to allow yourself to step back some. You have duties to this pack and this family."

Peter simply grumbled at that, making Chris smile a little. When the Hales had left Beacon Hills three years ago, they'd moved to London, to join the one member of the Hale Pack who had been forced to leave before them – Jackson Whittemore, dragged away by his parents when he had barely become a werewolf. With no ties to any other place, Peter, Derek, Cora, Boyd and Erica had decided to move to London, and Jackson had finally gotten to officially join the Hale Pack. With Jackson's father being a lawyer, Peter got a foot back into his old job, from before the fire. He'd worked hard to build a reputation and ultimately opened his own law-firm. Chris couldn't be prouder of his husband. Well, he could be, if Peter would delegate a little more.

"Show me," Chris ordered, grabbing one of the files.

Both Malia and Allison also perked up, walking around the desk to come to stand on either side of Peter. The smallest smile spread over Chris' lips as he watched Malia bump her hip against Peter's side, gently scent-marking her father. It had taken a lot of time, but the loss of Stiles had brought father and daughter closer together. Lydia had called Jackson, choking on tears as she told him about Stiles' death. They hadn't even bothered to pack anything, they'd left London with the clothes on their backs, not wanting to miss the funeral. The Hale Pack came back with two more members than they had arrived with. Lydia, who'd gone for an early graduation, and Malia, who had nobody and nothing left but her mate, had eagerly left Beacon Hills with her estranged family, now that Stiles was dead. Malia's mate Kira had followed them, right after graduation.

"Stiles," Malia whispered, drawing the attention of her family. "That's stupid. I'm sorry. I just…"

The other three turned toward the file she was looking at. Stiliyan Gajos, twenty years old. Currently working as a waiter. In fact, all his previous jobs were mostly customer service jobs. Nothing in the realm of being a secretary or working with a law firm. But his introductory letter did open up with him preferring to go by Stiles and Chris understood her impulse, that feeling of yearning at hearing that name. Chris heaved a sigh and held onto Peter a little tighter.

"Why not," Peter huffed with a bitter smile. "None of them seem perfect."

"You can't hire a stranger just because it'll mean you'll get to say his name again."

Peter fully ignored Chris' glare. Heaving an exasperated sigh, Chris went to sit down and eat before lunch would get cold. After exchanging a look, Malia and Allison joined him. The girls both had to go back to college after lunch, after all. They didn't have all day, as much as Chris would love that. He was proud of his girls, of both of them. Malia had really struggled with school, but she'd been determined to go to college, because Stiles had helped her so much, had been behind her education so she was trying to live up to his expectations, trying to make him proud even in death.

They all had a Stiles shaped hole in their lives. Their pack had a Stiles shaped hole.

/break\

Peter smiled bemused as he read up on the pack group chat. Erica and Cora were in an all-out brawl about Erica's latest idea for the menu on Stiles' Sweets, while Malia was trying to get some help on an assignment and Lydia, fully ignoring Cora and Erica, kept answering her questions.

It was strange, when Peter had learned the truth about Malia, about having a daughter, he hadn't expected to ever have a real relationship with her. He didn't know how to be a father. She didn't know how to be a human. It'd been stilted and awkward and distant. Until they lost Stiles. Peter had loved that boy and Stiles had been so important to Malia too. That loss had united them.

It had also brought them Lydia, something Peter had never seen coming. Yes, Jackson and Lydia still had their bond. A love that could literally break a curse wasn't something that easily faded, even if both of them pursued different sexual partners when Jackson moved to London. They stayed in contact, all this time. But she had her parents, and the McCall Pack, to keep her in Beacon Hills. It was Stiles' death that had made her leave, no longer able to look Scott in the face. She sought the familiar. Jackson and Allison, Malia had become a friend to Lydia too so her going to London had been another incentive for Lydia to leave. She was brilliant and scary and she would make a terrifying lawyer once she finished her education, Peter couldn't wait to see her in a courtroom.

Knocking on his door interrupted his thoughts, just as he typed a snarky reply to Erica's suggestion. Right, he had that blasted job interview. Heaving a sigh, he put his phone down. He didn't want a personal assistant, but his pack was probably right. Ever since he'd opened his own firm, he had been buried in work and he had other responsibilities too. A personal assistant would go a long way in organizing his appointment and keeping an overview, maybe even help him delegate.

"Come in," Peter called out, leaning back in his chair.

He liked to project an air of authority, threat and predator. After all, he was an Alpha wolf. Let's see how the Gajos boy would do. Peter had interviewed two others already, not impressed by them. And though the boy's preferred name should really not have swayed him, he couldn't help it. Even two years after Stiles' death, there was still a hole in Peter's heart. He loved Chris, loved Chris dearly, had fallen in love with Chris when the man had moved to London for the sake of Isaac, not wanting the boy to become an omega and seeking out Isaac's old pack for comfort. But regardless of how much he loved Chris, Peter doubted he'd ever stop loving Stiles.

"Thank you for having me, I…" Stiles Gajos trailed off, making a startled sound. "Peter?!"

Peter's head snapped up, his attention dragged back to the present day by that voice. That voice. His breath hitched as he looked at the young man in front of him. Messy, brown hair, longer than he remembered, but those moles, that cute upturned nose, the tempting, bow-shaped, pink lips and, most of all, those big, brown doe-eyes with the long lashes.

Peter couldn't breath. He stared at the phantom in front of him, before he growled viciously, his eyes flashing red as he jumped out of his chair and stalked up to the boy, backing him against the door, pinning him with Peter's hands on either side of his head. Doe-eyes widened in fear.

"I don't know what you are, or who you think you are, but you are crossing the wrong Alpha by daring to walk in here wearing his face," Peter snarled, shaking.

Fear melted into confusion, before realization set in. Those eyes, they may be fake but they were good fakes. They looked so real. Peter could see the cogs working behind them, the way he had always loved with his clever boy, so easily putting things together.

"You think I'm dead," the shapeshifter or face-stealer or whatever he was spoke. "Oh no."

"Stop playing games," Peter growled, putting a hand around the intruder's throat to hold him in place, to stop him from escaping. "He died. I was at his funeral. So what do you think gives you the right to use his face to taunt me. I'll make it hurt, I promise."

"Peter," the not-Stiles spoke softly. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know how to contact you. I was stupid, when I told you to leave and not tell me where to. I didn't… I couldn't call you, any of you, to tell you that I'm alive. I faked my death, to get out of Beacon Hills."

Peter felt himself wavering, hope and despair twisting together. His hand around the boy's throat tightened. But those doe-eyes kept staring him dead in the eye, not afraid. A fake would be afraid at this point. The only one who'd never be afraid of him, not anymore, was Stiles. His Stiles.

"I need you to look at me, Peter," the voice was firm, was so much like Stiles' no-nonsense voice. "I'm wearing your jacket, the one you gave me before you left Beacon Hills. Last time you saw it, it was all new and shiny. It's worn, from years of usage. If I were some shapeshifter or whatever you think, then how would I know about that, how would I know to fake this detail. On top of knowing things that a simple face-stealer wouldn't know. You can only copy a person's memories perfectly if that person is still alive, so if I – Stiles – were dead, then there could not be a perfect copy here, smelling like the real deal, looking like the real deal, having detailed memories."

Smelling. Peter leaned in and the boy willingly, with no reluctance, bared his throat for Peter. Why would he, any werewolf could easily tear out his throat but an Alpha even more so. Making himself this vulnerable, why would he. Peter buried his nose in that long, pale neck, inhaling deeply. That scent of cinnamon, ink and lightning was the most unique blend he'd ever smelt and he would never forget it. A growl ripped from his throat, his hands both going down to grab the boy by the waist, clinging onto him, clinging onto the hope of this being real.

"You can't be unreal," Peter whispered, a near plea. "If this is a trick-"

"It's not," the boy rested his hands on Peter's chest. "I'm real. I… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't… I never wanted to hurt you, any of you, I just didn't know what else to do…"

Peter pushed off, hard. He walked back to his desk, grabbing his phone, typing out a message even as he turned around to get back to Stiles. Emergency pack meeting. Right now. Sending the text, he grabbed Stiles by the wrist, holding tight and pulling him along.

"I will be out of the office for the rest of the day, cancel all my appointments," Peter barked at the receptionist as he dragged Stiles with him into the elevator.

"Uhm, why are you kidnapping me? Where are we going?"

"Pack," Peter forced out, his grip on Stiles tightening. "I need others to see you, I need to make sure you're real. I need to know that I'm not losing my mind again."

"Okay," Stiles' voice was soft. "You're real too, huh?"

Peter's eyes flew down to the boy and he noticed movement. He was pressing his thumbs against the pads of his other fingers, one by one. Peter stilled, sucking in a sharp breath. Malia, Lydia and Kira had told them about this. That after the possession, Stiles had started counting his fingers that way, whenever he was doubtful if something was real or if he was dreaming. A face-stealing creature wouldn't know to do this and Peter's subconscious wouldn't know to add this detail to the hallucination, since he'd never actually seen Stiles do it.

"I am," Peter confirmed after a moment. "There is a lot that needs to be explained, on both sides."

Stiles hummed softly in confirmation, still counting his fingers. Peter's phone rang, startling them both. With his free hand, Peter fished his phone out of his pocket, noting that he had about two dozen notifications from the group chat already, before he accepted the call.

"Hello, love," Peter greeted, trying to breath and calm down.

"Don't 'hello, love' me like that, Hale," Chris barked out. "You can't just call for an emergency pack meeting and then drop out of the chat like that! Do you know how much you scared me? Are you hurt? Are you alright? Are you somewhere safe? Do I need to get to you?"

"I'm sorry," Peter winced. "I could have used more words. I'm fine, I'm not hurt, I'm not in any danger. I have… I have big news, I do have something urgent and the whole pack needs to see. Please organize the pups and herd them back home, I don't care if they still have classes. Tell Boyd and Erica to close the café early today."

Next to him, Stiles stilled at the mention of Boyd and Erica, doe-eyes widening as he stared at Peter with something like hope and longing. Peter clung onto Stiles like a life-line. He needed to be real.

"Peter…" Chris inhaled loudly. "This better be really important. I'll do it, I trust you, but…"

"I understand," Peter assured him. "I… I don't want to tell you over the phone. You need to see…"

If he told Chris that their boy was alive, he didn't know if Chris would be safe to drive home. And maybe Chris would think Peter had lost it, which Peter himself was still wondering.

"I love you," Chris declared gruffly. "Stay safe."

"Always," Peter smiled softly. "I love you too. I'll see you soon."

The call disconnected and Peter put his phone away, aware of Stiles' eyes on him. Curious and prodding, the way Peter remembered them. How much he had missed that inquisitive mind.

"Love, huh?" Stiles raised his eyebrows.

"At home," Peter shook his head. "Please."

Stiles nodded, understanding the need to digest. Probably needing that himself too right now. Stiles seemed as rattled by seeing Peter as Peter himself felt. His hand slipped from Stiles' wrist to properly take his hand, interlacing their fingers, holding onto the boy. Stiles squeezed his hand.

"The jacket looks good on you," Peter noted, looking at his boy. "I knew it would."

A quirk of Stiles' lip, that broad half-grin of his, all crooked and mischievous and beautiful. Peter's heart started racing as he got lost in that grin. He loved this boy so much. He'd missed this boy so much, he hadn't even realized just how much. Like he had lost a part of himself.

/break\

It wasn't a coincident. Peter was such a common first name and Hale wasn't a rare surname either. Why would Stiles expect to meet Peter Hale in London, after all. He'd never considered that the Hale Pack fully left the US. But when he walked into the lawyer's office, that was undeniably Peter Hale sitting there behind that imposing desk, looking handsome as ever.

Not going to lie, getting threatened by Peter had taken him by surprise at first, but when he realized that Peter had spent the past two years thinking Stiles was dead? Damn. It figured that the wolf would think him to be some kind of trick. Not that Stiles didn't think the same. He instinctively counted his fingers, unsure if this was real, if Peter was real.

"Where are we going?" Stiles asked as they drove out of the city.

"Home," Peter replied simply, voice warm and filled with love.

It made Stiles' heart ache in envy. He missed having a home. He had his dad, his dad was his home, but a place that felt like home? He did miss that. Folding a little smaller, he let himself be driven out of the city and onto a farm. His eyes widened at the beautiful, huge farm house.

"Welcome to the Hale Farm," Peter smiled as he parked the car. "Come."

Hale Farm. They had a farm. Oh, that somehow made Stiles happy. Large enough lands, a bit out of town so the wolves could roam free. Climbing out of the car, he eagerly looked around as much as he could see, even while Peter led him into the house.

"Uncle," Derek growled from somewhere once they entered the house. "What is…"

Derek. Stiles' eyes widened and he eagerly pushed past Peter to run in the direction of the voice. He hadn't seen Derek in years. Before they'd left, Derek had practically become his best friend after Scott. Rounding the corner, Stiles entered a spacious living room with three couches and two love seats and there stood Derek. He looked more mature and a little softer than Stiles remembered him, but it was Derek. Without thinking on it did Stiles launch himself at the wolf.

"Derek, holy shit, I missed you," Stiles gasped out.

The wolf beneath him was frozen, not moving. Oh. Right. Probably had the same reaction as Peter. Stiles really hoped nobody was going to rip his throat out today. Slowly, he peeled himself off Derek and took a step back. The look on Derek's face was wrecked. Fully heartbroken.

"No…" Derek's voice actually croaked. "This… This can't be… You're dead."

"I can explain, I will explain, please don't threaten me for thinking I'm a shapeshifter, your uncle already did that," Stiles blurted out. "I'm real. I'm alive. I didn't die. I'm not dead."

Whines drew his attention to the couches and he noticed the other wolves in the room. Erica was sitting on Boyd's lap, next to them was Isaac. On the other couch were Jackson and Cora. Stiles' heart jumped as he looked at the Hale Pack, a bright smile lighting up his face even though he was surprised to see Jackson here. But then he did dimly remember that four years ago, when Jackson had left, his parents had moved to London, Lydia had said something like that.

"A… Are you really real?" Erica asked in a shaky voice. "Are you really our Stiles?"

Our Stiles. Stiles' heart clenched and he blinked away tears as he nodded. The next second, he found himself in the middle of a suffocating puppy-pile. All five betas got off the couches and were suddenly hugging him – even Jackson. They were crying. Crying because they'd missed him, because they thought he was dead. Holy shit. He was sobbing himself, burying his face in Boyd's chest while Erica rubbed her face against his neck. This felt like coming home.

"Peter, you better have a good reason for this."

The voice was gruff and Stiles vaguely recognized it but couldn't place it. It had him tense.

"I still have two more classes," Lydia. "I got out of class early for this, make it good, Alpha."

Lydia was here. Why was Lydia here. Lydia was part of Scott's pack. Stiles' heart-rate picked up, and not in a good way. The betas clinging onto him let go reluctantly as the new arrivals entered the room. Stiles froze, fear gripping him as he saw Lydia, Malia, Kira, Chris and Allison enter.

"S… Stiles…" Lydia's voice broke, her eyes widening. "I knew it. I knew it. I would have screamed for you, if you had died, I would have screamed for you, I knew you couldn't be dead, I knew it."

The next second, the redhead was clinging onto his neck, nearly throwing him off-balance. Stiles couldn't help but flinch, more wary. Not necessarily because of her but because she wasn't Hale. She was McCall. So were Malia and Kira. Why were they here? Was Scott here too? Had they found him? Had they been looking for him? Was everything for naught now?

"W… Why are you here?" Stiles asked, voice a little frantic as he stared at Lydia, Kira and Malia. "Is… Is Sco… Is Scott here too? Is the rest of his pack here?"

"We're Hale Pack," Malia replied, tilting her head with a frown. "We left Beacon Hills with dad and the others, when they came back to Beacon Hills for your funeral."

Stiles' heart clenched at that. "Y… You came back for my funeral…? But… But…"

"Lydia called me," Jackson shrugged, not looking at him. "Lyds and I stayed in contact this whole time. She didn't know the Hale Pack was here though. Peter said he promised you not to let anyone in Beacon Hills know where they were, so I never told her. But I told them, when she told me about your… about your death. We came back for your funeral."

Everyone was staring at Stiles and his heart was racing. Between the Hale Pack – the Hale Pack he knew about – and the former McCall Pack members and the Argents, he was completely overwhelmed. Judging by the looks on their faces, they all were as overwhelmed though.

"Kira and I were at the grocery store," Chris spoke in a detached voice, his eyes not leaving Stiles, sounding like he was on autopilot. "We went to pick up the girls from college."

Chris and Allison approached him and he couldn't help but flinch away, half hiding behind Derek. They must hate him. How could they not hate him. He'd killed Allison. He'd killed Allison. His heart-rate picked up as panic took over, tears burning in his eyes. His thumbs pressed hard against the pads of his other fingers, one by one, counting. He couldn't look away from Allison.

"Stiles…?" Allison spoke softly, like she was talking to a spooked animal.

The others took a careful step back from him, like they were trying to give him space. This wasn't real. This couldn't be real. Why would the Argents be here? The Hale Pack, maybe, maybe that could be real. But Lydia, Malia and Kira? That was too much, they had been the only ones he'd still relied on in the McCall Pack. But Chris and Allison? Why would they be here?

"This isn't real," Stiles whispered frantically to himself, aggressively counting his fingers. "You're not real. You can't be here. Why would you be here. This is just… just in my head."

Tears ran down his cheeks at that realization. Of course it was. He should have known the moment he walked into Peter's office. Why should he get to see Peter again? Why should he get to see Derek and Boyd and Erica and Isaac again? He didn't deserve that. His knees buckled.

"Stiles," Lydia's voice was sharp as she knelt down in front of him. "Listen to my voice. This is real. We're real. We're here, okay? Can you do something for me? Can you focus on your surroundings? Can you name four things you can see?"

Stiles' eyes flew around the room. "T… Table. Couch. Fur. Fireplace."

There was lamb fur in front of a fireplace. It looked so comfortable. The thought was jarring.

Lydia smiled at him. "Okay, good. And three things that you can here?"

"Birds," Stiles blinked repeatedly. "Your voice. Peter growling."

His eyes found the Alpha who stood tensely close by, looking like he was holding himself back.

"You're doing great, sweetie. Can you tell me two things that you can feel?"

He pressed a hand down onto the wooden floor, the other holding his jacket. "Wood. Leather."

"Good," Lydia's smile grew. "One last one? Can you read something for me?"

She pointed over toward the book-shelf behind Peter and Stiles jerked when he saw the book-titles. Could read the books titles. Ten fingers. Words. This was real. He took a shaky breath.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream," Stiles whispered, eyes on the book in the shelf.

"Good," Lydia brushed a hand through his hair. "You're doing great. Do you feel better?"

Stiles shook his head. No. He felt like throwing up what little he had in his stomach. His eyes went back to Chris and Allison, who stood there, frozen in the spot, looking at him with horrified expressions. Of course they did. He was a monster. He killed her.

"I'm sorry," Stiles voice broke, pleading with them. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-"

"None of that," Lydia grabbed his face firmly, redirecting his attention to her. "I have no idea what's going on in your head right now, but you are not slipping into another panic attack, do you hear me? You'll breath, slowly, and calm yourself down enough to articulate what's wrong."

Stiles curled together, making himself small as he sat on the floor. The pack started moving slowly, like they didn't mean to spook him, sitting down on the couches. Stiles saw the way Peter slipped a hand into Chris' and wrapped his other arm around Allison in comfort. A sparkle on their linked hands caught Stiles' attention. Wedding bands. His breath hitched. Oh, this so could not be real, not only should the Argents not be here, but the two men he'd been in love with were married? Last time he had seen them interact, they were barely keeping from ripping each other apart.

"I need…" Stiles took a shaky breath. "I need you to make this make sense, I need you to explain why A… Why they are here, how this… Why you're here. I need you to make this feel real. Because it's just overwhelming and bizarre and unreal to me and that frightens me."

"Right. He's the one who died but we have to explain ourselves first," Jackson snorted.

There was an accusation in his eyes too and Stiles knew it was a deserved accusation.

"Jackson," Isaac snarled, eyes flashing, while Erica and Malia were right behind him.

"What?" Jackson snarled right back. "He died! We were at his funeral! We cried over his fucking grave and he's just here, alive, and we have to explain first?"

"He's also the one with possession-induced PTSD," Kira spoke up gently. "And all of us being together, without him understanding how, is currently making him question if this is even real."

Stiles folded himself even smaller, legs drawn up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around his knees, turning his wrist over to read the sentence etched into his skin – This is real. You're awake, Mischief. Written in his mother's handwriting, pieced together from his mother's cook-books. His heart clenched at the thought that he had left them behind. He had them scanned, on his drive, but the physical books, they couldn't take them when they left Beacon Hills. He started shaking.

"When we left Beacon Hills," Peter's voice was even, forcibly even. "Me, Derek, Cora, Boyd and Erica, we left and came here, because of Jackson. Because he was a beta of the Hale Pack, even as he'd had to leave. We had no other place to go, so we followed Derek's first beta."

Stiles sucked his lower lip in, regarding the core Hale Pack and Jackson. "Okay."

"When we left Beacon Hills," Chris spoke up and Stiles instinctively flinched at his voice, causing Chris to hesitate for a moment before he continued. "We went to France for three weeks, more a vacation, really. But Isaac needed a pack, and I figured that he would be more stable, more happy, with his pack, so I spent our weeks in France tracking down the Hale Pack."

Stiles blinked repeatedly, looking at Isaac. Isaac, leaning against Boyd and Erica. The first three Hale Pack betas. Stiles knew how much Isaac had missed them. After the Hale Pack had left, Isaac crawled into Stiles' bedroom many nights, seeking solace, knowing that he couldn't talk to Scott about how much he missed the Hales, knowing Stiles missed them too. This made sense.

"Okay," Stiles nodded, not looking away from Isaac, not looking at the Argents.

"You died, Stiles," Lydia's voice wobbled. "We all thought you died and I called Jackson, I told him, I cried on the phone with him for hours, and they came. They came for the funeral. It was… tense, it nearly escalated into a fight with Scott's pack, but they came. And when I saw Jackson again, after all this time, when he held me while we stood at your grave, when I thought that… that you were gone forever, I didn't know what else was holding me in Beacon Hills. Allison, Jackson, they were both in London and you were dead and I had graduated early anyway, so I packed my bags and left so I could have my boyfriend and my best friend."

Stiles' lips quirked as he watched Lydia reach for Jackson's hand. He always knew those two would find each other again. A love that could defy a curse, how could it not withstand the distance.

"Lydia and you were like my favorite people in the pack, after Kira," Malia frowned. "And then you were dead and Lydia said she was leaving and I… You always told me that I should try and rekindle my relationship with my dad, it was… it was so important to you and it felt like… like something I could do that would make you proud, so I gave him a chance and went with them."

The tentative smile turned into a genuine, bright smile at that. He'd bugged her for months, wanting her to give Peter a chance, knowing that post-resurrection Peter was a better man. He also knew what it was like to lose family and he thought that she shouldn't miss out on the family she still had – the father and the two cousins that she never bothered to get to know.

"I stayed in Beacon Hills until I graduated," Kira tagged on. "And I eased my parents into the idea of me moving to London after graduation and, yeah, I… I followed Malia and Lydia and got to know the Hale Pack and then I joined it and now we're… now we're pack."

Okay. One by one, these made sense. Their reasoning made sense. Stiles took a shaky breath.

"This is really real? You're really all here in one room?" Stiles asked one last time.

"It is, sweetheart," Peter promised gently. "Will you tell us how you're alive now?"

Stiles went back to chewing his lip, hard. He wished he didn't have to. He'd tried so hard not to think about any of this for the past two years, pushing it down as far as he could. His eyes landed on Allison for just a moment before he quickly averted his gaze again.

"I think things between me and Scott had… had been crumbling for a long time, maybe since the bite," Stiles started softly, pulling himself closer together. "But something between us broke when I… when I killed Allison. He couldn't really look at me anymore, we stopped hanging out, and I can't blame him for it. I couldn't look at myself anymore."

"Stiles, you didn't kill me," Allison interrupted concerned. "I'm right here. I'm alive. Is… Is this something that the demon made you think? A nightmare?"

Stiles' face twisted into a grimace and he tried to make himself even smaller. "I killed you."

"No, you didn't," Chris' voice was firm and serious. "The demon stabbed Allison, but even it didn't kill her. Stiles, look at me. You did not kill Allison."

Stiles couldn't fight the command in the hunter's voice and he looked up at Chris, tears running down his cheeks. "I did. It stabbed her and it made me watch, a… and… and she died. When Lydia screamed that day, she… she didn't scream because someone might die, she screamed because Allison did die. She died in my arms and I was too late. I could fight for control but it was too late and Allison was dead and I killed her and it was my fault-"

"Allison isn't dead, sweetheart," Peter interrupted him firmly. "This was some trick from the demon. I'm sorry it made you see that, believe that, but…"

"No," Stiles shook his head frustrated. "She died but I couldn't let her stay dead. I used my Spark. I poured all of my magic into her to pull her soul back. It was… I… I think in the end, that's why we managed to exorcise the Nogitsune, because it had been feeding off my magic, but… I didn't have any magic left after that, there was nothing there to sustain it anymore."

"Y… You… I died? And you gave up your magic to bring me back?"

Stiles reluctantly turned toward Allison, tears staining his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I killed you, I didn't, I wasn't strong enough to stop it, I couldn't stop it, I'm sorry."

"You gave up your magic to save my life, Stiles," Allison's brows furrowed and she shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. What the demon did wasn't your fault, nobody blames you for what the Nogitsune did. But you chose to give your magic for me, I don't know how to thank you."

She threw herself at him, hugging him close and tight, burying her face in his neck as she also started crying, her body shaking with her sobs. Stiles just sat stiffly in her arms. Why didn't she hate him? He had killed her. She should hate him. That was why they had left, after all.

"W… Why are you hugging me," Stiles asked unsure. "You hate me. You should hate me. You left. Because I killed you. You left to get away from me."

There were surprised gasps, but all Stiles could do was look at Allison with fear and confusion. "Stiles, no… We didn't leave because of you. We left because this town killed everyone in our family. My aunt, my mom, my grandfather – they may not have been good people and they have brought it upon themselves, but they were still our family. And now this town nearly killed me. K… Killed me, apparently. Isaac was the same, he lost his mom, his brother, his father. We left to get away before this town could also kill us. That wasn't about you."

"I wanted to take you with us," Chris added reluctantly. "I wanted to get you out of this town too, after what it had done to you. But you had your dad, you had… Scott, his pack."

Stiles flinched, this time not because of Chris' voice but because of the mention of Scott. "Yeah, well… that didn't last. What happened, what I did as the Nogitsune, it… it drove a wedge between us. We drifted more and more apart, gradually… And I get it…"

"Is… Is that why you pulled away from me? From us?" Lydia asked softly. "Because you thought we blamed you for what happened with Allison? Or for Allison leaving?"

Stiles shrugged and frowned, not looking at her. The next moment, he had Lydia, Malia and Kira hugging him tightly from three sides, clinging onto him. He sat there still and overwhelmed.

"Is that why you… what exactly happened even?" Boyd asked with a frown. "What happened?"

"Theo…" Stiles frowned, checking the others' faces to see if they knew who he was talking about. "Theo got into Scott's head, he gained Scott's trust to a degree that… that Scott trusted him more than me. I kept trying to warn him, for months I tried to warn him."

"We know," Lydia heaved a sigh, furrowing her own brows in guilt. "I'm sorry. We didn't… He was very charming, we thought you were… you were in a fragile state of mind."

"Paranoid," Stiles offered, raising his eyebrows at her. "I was paranoid. It's just that I wasn't paranoid about that. That was real. And… And Scott's not the only one into whose head he got. It was like Theo knew exactly where my weaknesses laid. It was so easy to believe him because he didn't say anything I wasn't already fearing myself. That Allison and Chris left because of me, hated me for what I'd done, that you hated me for what I've done, that I should give up on trying to find the Hales because I'd just be a burden, I was suck a fucking mess I'd just be too much work for anyone, that… that it would have been better if you'd just taken the Nogitsune out instead of trying to save me because then so many people would still be alive, Aiden would still be alive, I wouldn't have killed Allison, everything would have been better if you'd just killed me."

There was a near painful silence in the room, all eyes so unbearably heavy as they stared at him. Pained expressions, aborted motions, mouths opening and closing, lost for words.

"Stiles, we would have never given up on you," Chris' voice was steady and honest. "We would have always tried to save you, letting you die was not an option and you can't think-"

"It's okay," Stiles heaved a sigh and leaned back, resting his head against the couch behind him. "I know that. Now. But I'm telling you what happened two years ago. I… I know now that that was the survivor's guilt and the way Theo was gaslighting me, twisting me up. I went to therapy, you know. When dad and I lived in Toronto, I started seeing a therapist. I'm… I'm good, I mean better. Generally I am better, I'm not always such a fucking mess like I am right now. This is just all… a whole damn lot of triggers at once, okay? But I am in a… better place, overall."

"Toronto," Cora repeated, staring at him.

"Right," Stiles ran a hand over his face. "So, yeah. Theo was really getting into my head, and into Scott's head, and I was… barely part of the pack anymore already by the time he sent Donovan to kill me and I… killed Donovan in self-defense. But… Scott didn't believe me. Scott believed Theo over me, loaded it over my head that in his pack, we don't kill and it was… it was so loaded. It wasn't just about Donovan. It was about killing Peter, about our fight over how we should have killed Gerard for good the first time around, about Allison and Aiden. We've been drifting apart for a long time and so did our morals. I've never had a problem with killing if it was necessary, because sometimes it is necessary, and he… hated that. Everything has always been black and white for him. But once you've been possessed by a millennia old chaos demon, you gain a much better understanding for all the shades of gray in the world. And I already had a good grasp on it before."

Stiles relaxed a little, stretching his legs out in front of himself and stuffing his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. "Donovan, when he was trying to kill me, talked about the way he was going to kill my dad and that's when I knew I had to get out. Because Theo sent Donovan. To intimidate me. If I didn't stop, Theo was going to have my dad killed and… most ikely, also get me killed. I… I didn't know what to do. Theo had effectively isolated me from pretty much everyone, Scott didn't trust me anymore, I thought you didn't trust me anymore, I had no means of contacting the Hale Pack, I… I didn't know what to do. I knew he wouldn't stop until we're dead, so… so we died. We faked out deaths and we left Beacon Hills."

Taking a shaky breath, Stiles relaxed a little more. "We made our way to Canada, very… very… slowly. I mean, we had to leave everything behind, so nobody would suspect we left. No money, no car, nothing but the clothes on our backs. So we hitchhiked, we walked, we… worked every odd job we could to make enough money to stay in motels. We stayed in some towns for a couple weeks, saving up, until we could finally afford a car. Shitty car that barely made it to Toronto."

Stiles was aware that he'd snuggled more into his jacket when talking about the clothes on their backs, he was also aware of the way Peter was watching him. "We lived in Toronto for the longest. Before we came here, to London. I've… I've only been doing odd jobs, waiting tables, customer service, grocery stores, anything I could get. That and, well, healing, I guess. Therapy and all that."

Heaving a sigh, Stiles tilted his head forward to look at Peter. "I didn't expect it to be you. The name caught my eye when I was looking for a job and it… made me feel nostalgic. But even when I read your first name, I still… I figured it was a coincident. What were the chances, after all. I didn't think you left the US, much less that you'd end up in England."

Sitting up, Stiles started tapping his fingers against his knee, a small grin spreading over his lips. "Guess it wasn't a coincident at all. While we were living in Toronto, when I… finally got to breath again without jumping at every sound I heard… When therapy started showing some effect, my Spark started… returning. Really weak, but I could feel it again for the first time."

Allison gasped softly and there were gentle and excited looks on the others' faces. Stiles rested a hand against his chest, like he was physically trying to grasp his Spark. He could feel it pulse.

"That's why we left Toronto," Stiles continued. "Because my Spark was pulling me to London. And now, I think, that my Spark's what drew me to that ad and made me go to that job interview."

"Are you saying your Spark likes me?" Peter offered a playful grin.

Stiles blinked at him with curious eyes. "Of course it does. It first ignited when I was part of the Hale Pack. My magic is inherently linked to your pack, so it was pulling me here."

"Oh," Peter swallowed and looked at him wondrously. "That… I didn't know that."

A shrug, and then Stiles averted his eyes again. "There's an interplay between the Nemeton, the Spark and the pack. I guess… Beacon Hills is now fully fucked, the Nemeton was already dying, the pack left and now its Spark left too… But yeah. The Hale Pack is the rightful pack of Beacon Hills and I'm the rightful Spark of Beacon Hills, so… we are tethered together."

Silence fell between them as everyone let things sink in. That was a lot to digest, on both sides. Stiles yawned and arched his back, causing it to crack in multiple places. This had been draining. His phone rang, the sound immensely loud in the silence of the farm house. Yelping, Stiles dug his phone out and accepted his dad's call and shit how much time had passed?

"Stiles," his dad sounded frantic. "Your job interview should have ended two hours ago, but I just got home and you're not here, it doesn't look like you were here at all and you didn't leave a note, please tell me you're just out somewhere celebrating your new job and you forgot to text me, because if something happened, if someone found you-"

"Dad, dad, slow down!" Stiles hunched over, wide-eyed. "I'm fine. I'm sorry. I'm fine. Nothing happened, nobody found me. Mischief's honor."

He could hear the relieved shutter of his dad's breath. It was their code. Mischief's honor, to make sure Stiles wasn't under duress and forced to lie. Stiles took a slow breath himself.

"Where are you, kiddo? When will you be home?"

"I… uh…" Stiles blinked doe-eyed, looking around the tense pack. "I kinda… ran into some friends. I don't know when I'll be home. I'll text you before I leave, I promise. I'm sorry I worried you, I didn't mean to worry you. Kocham cię, tatusiu." [Polish translation: I love you, dad.]

That also relaxed his dad some. It always did. He knew Stiles was safe if he was comfortable speaking Polish. They had too many contingencies and codes. Paranoia still had its hold on them.

"I love you too, kiddo," John sighed. "Tell me how the job interview went, before we hang up?"

"Uhm…" Stiles tilted his head. "Honestly, I have no idea. My potential boss kinda threatened tearing out my throat and then kidnapped me, so mixed vibes?"

"Stiles," his dad barked out in distress. "Are you trying to kill me, son?"

"I'm sorry," Stiles laughed, loud and genuine. "I could not resist. Remember when I said it was a weird coincident that the guy's name was Peter Hale? Yeah, that was not a coincident. I'm with the Hales right now. The threatening was, uh, well, I mean he thought I was dead."

Silence and he could just imagine his dad rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Peter Hale? As in, Derek Hale's uncle? The guy who got us into this whole damn mess by turning Scott?"

"My apologies for that, sheriff," Peter called out loudly. "I spend every day regretting it."

Another beat of silence. "And you're really okay, kiddo?"

"Yeah," Stiles smiled, a real smile. "I promise. I'll text before I head back home. Mischief's honor."

The call disconnected and Stiles pocketed his phone again. The pack was looking at each other, having silent conversations with just looks. Derek and Peter did a full eyebrow conversation and fuck, Stiles had missed that. The Hale eyebrows. He couldn't help but smile.

"What are you guys doing here?" Stiles asked after another moment. "I mean, actually doing. Peter is a lawyer. But what about you all…? How… How have your lives been?"

"I am on my way to becoming a lawyer," Lydia smiled like a shark. "And my future father-in-law and my Alpha are fighting over who gets me in their firm."

Peter grumbled at that, glaring. "David can fuck right off. I'm your Alpha."

"Me and Boyd opened a café together," Kira smiled brightly. "Did you know that Boyd is a brilliant baker, actually? You have to come by some time, on the house!"

"Yeah?" Stiles grinned, looking between them. "What's it called."

Silence, awkward silence, before Boyd cleared his throat. "It's called Stiles' Sweets."

At that, Stiles actually had to blink some tears away. "Oh. I… Well, then I have to come by."

"I work there too, mostly waiting tables, barista work," Erica piped in before the atmosphere dropped. "No interest in being the boss, but having a lot of fun with the menu."

"You are a menace and should not be allowed near food," Allison pointed out dryly.

Erica flipped her off and threw a pillow at her, causing Allison to laugh and oh. They were friends now. Pack. This was new and strange to Stiles, but he still felt warm at it. At some of his favorite people actually getting along, being friends.

"I'm going to college," Malia straightened, looking proud.

"You are?" Stiles brightened and reached out to nudge her. "I'm so proud of you, I always knew you had it in you, girl. I'm sure you're rocking it."

Malia practically preened at his words, making Stiles smile even more. Allison smiled at him.

"I'm also going to college, I'm a business major. I want to open a store, for outdoors activities like archery and hunting. The Silver Arrow, it's gonna be named," Allison replied.

"We," Isaac pointed at himself, Derek, Cora, Jackson and Chris. "Work at the farm."

"So this isn't just a gig for more space to roam free? It's an actual farm?"

"Yeah," Derek grunted, proud look on his face. "We grow apples, we sell our chickens' eggs and our vegetables at farmers' markets in the city."

"That's awesome," Stiles grinned at him.

"How about food?" Cora suggested after a moment. "It's getting late."

There was an awkward pause in which Stiles didn't really know if he should excuse himself, before Erica and Malia wrapped their arms around him from either side and maneuvered him up and toward the very spacious, very beautiful kitchen. Guess he was staying for dinner.

"If you think we're letting you go again, you are mistaken," Erica whispered, nudging him. "We should have chloroformed and kidnapped you back when we left."

"You're so loving and kind, I feel so cherished," Stiles rolled his eyes.

"She isn't wrong," Peter spoke behind him, face and voice serious, his eyes filled with regret. "I should have insisted. I shouldn't have waited, I shouldn't have left you behind."

The rest of the pack started fussing around the kitchen, getting ingredients and pots and pans out and preparing dinner in what was clearly a daily routine. Stiles turned around to face the Alpha. Peter's arms were crossed over his face, a deep frown aimed at him.

"I would have resented you for it," Stiles replied honestly. "I had so much faith in Scott, so much loyalty toward him. And I had my dad and… and mom's… grave. I would have resented you if you'd tried to force me to leave back then. You did the right thing, Peter. You and your pack got out when you had to and you… promised me a chance. It's just that… it never came to that."

Stiles blinked back tears, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I wanted to wait, I endured it as long as I could, I… I kept hoping that you would come. But… I couldn't. I had to get out, I… don't think I would have survived until graduation. Either Theo would have killed me, or… well, or everything else would have killed me. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating, I couldn't focus. I lost so much weight and I was… really losing my mind, I think my body would have given in before graduation."

It was harsh, but he knew it was the truth. Something clattered behind him and he didn't care to see the despair on the pack's faces. He kept his eyes on Peter's hand. The wedding band.

"We should have noticed," Lydia's voice was filled with pain and guilt.

"I did everything I could to cover it up," Stiles shrugged. "And I did pull away from you. I don't blame you for not rescuing me, Lydia. That wasn't your job. That was nobody's job. I had to rescue myself. And I think… I really do think that I needed to do that myself, because with the Nogitsune, I had all my agency taken from me. I needed to regain control. And I did."

"And we're proud of you for it," Chris spoke, keeping his voice soft.

Still trying not to spook him, which… fair enough, considering his earlier reactions. Stiles winced, rubbing his face. He turned around, away from Peter, so he could face Chris. Damn. That man aged like fine wine in the past two years, much more gray in his hair, fully owning the silver fox look. Broader shoulders, stronger arms, which made sense with the physical labor around the farm.

"I really thought you'd hate me," Stiles frowned at him. "But you… really didn't leave because of me, huh? I'm sorry. It was just… It was easier to believe that you hated me than to think you could forgive me, because I couldn't forgive myself and I… hated myself, for a long time. Maybe still hate myself a little bit, but considerably less than I did back then."

Chris heaved a sigh, a sad and devastated sound, as he stepped up to Stiles. "Can I hug you?"

That gave Stiles pause, but after a moment he gave a reluctant nod. He gasped softly when he was pulled into a broad, strong chest, arms tight around him. It took him a second to return the hug, but damn did this feel good. It also reawakened stupid, old feelings. Feelings that had grown after Peter and Derek had left, when Chris had become the sole adult voice near the McCall Pack. Still deeply in love with Allison, Scott had consulted Chris a lot, trying to show his respect for the man. And due to that, Stiles had worked together with Chris a lot, growing closer. Falling for the older man.

"We're all very proud of you, Stiles," Chris whispered, voice rough and breath hot against Stiles' neck. "For working through your trauma, for getting out all on your own. We're proud of you."

And just like that, Stiles started crying. Tears of relief and joy and confusion. And Chris simply held him, stroking his back through it until Stiles was calmed down again, and even after. Once Stiles regained his bearings, he gently tapped Chris' arm, at which the man reluctantly let him go.

"What about your fake name," Allison asked once things were calmed down. "The Stiliyan, because you could nickname it to Stiles. Which… Which is why Peter picked you to get a job interview. When we were going through the applications, yours stood out because it made us think of, well, of you, and… that made Peter nostalgic. But what about your last name?"

"Mom's maiden name," Stiles grinned weakly. "Not the best kind of fake name, I know, I know, but… but I had to sacrifice Roscoe and we had to leave the place where she is buried and… we wanted to take a part of her with us. Our first names are fake, we figured that'd be enough."

Chris rested a hand on his shoulder, gently guiding Stiles to sit at the very large dining table. Cora and Kira were setting the table, while Derek was filling wine glasses. Peter took a seat to one side of Stiles, sitting close. Close enough that Stiles could feel the heat radiating off the wolf. There was a tenseness to his body, like the Alpha was holding back something.

"You can scent-mark me if you want," Stiles offered after a moment.

Peter startled, looking like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Are you sure?"

"I can see how much you want to," Stiles huffed amused. "It's… been a while since I had a wolf want to scent-mark me last, but if you want to, you can."

The tension seeped out of Peter as he reached out, running a hand through Stiles' hair, down his arm, resting it in his neck. Damn, Peter was not being subtle or short. Apparently, the Alpha really had the urge to scent mark him. That should not make Stiles feel as pleased as it did. He really thought he had gotten over his infatuation with Peter, back when he started falling for Chris, or at least in Toronto, when he had been with a girl, who had been so sweet.

"I really hope you're not limiting that offer to Peter," Chris chuckled, motioning at the counters and stove. "Because the betas look ready to burst and if you deny them they just might."

Stiles followed the motion with his eyes, noticing how Derek, Cora, Malia, Boyd, Erica, Isaac and even Jackson were looking at him like he was the juiciest steak they could imagine. It made Stiles grin, his heart skipping a beat and a warmth unfurling in his chest.

"How about this, after dinner, we have a big puppy pile and everybody gets to scent the Stiles however much they want?" Stiles offered amused. "But after dinner, because I am actually starving. I haven't eaten all day, I was way too nervous this morning and we kind… missed lunch."

Peter growled lowly and Chris grunted displeased and Stiles looked between them startled. What?

"You shouldn't skip meals, Stiles," Peter glared at him.

Stiles rolled his eyes at that. "Yeah, believe me, I know. Took me long enough to regain the weight I lost over the Nogitsune. I didn't mean to skip breakfast, but I have a system. I carry cereal bars with me and I do… I rather skip a meal when I know my nerves are just going to make me throw up. So, the plan was to get through the job interview, eat my cereal bars and then have lunch somewhere. Didn't get around to steps two and three there due to the minor kidnapping happening."

To his amusement and surprise did Peter actually look guilty at that. How adorable. Leaning closer, Stiles bumped shoulders with Peter, trying to ease some tension. This was going to take some getting used to. For too long, his dad had been the only one to care about him. Now, there seemed to be people in his life again who cared about him and judging by the way they were all looking at him, they were not going to let him slip away again.

/break\

Chris grunted as he hefted a crate of apples up. He turned around with it, rolling his eyes when he saw Allison, Lydia and Kira all sitting together and watching them. Lydia's eyes were glued to Jackson, delighted to see her fiance do physical labor, while Kira was more subtle in sneaking glances at Malia, flushing every time she felt like she got caught. Allison grinned at her dad, waving. Her and Lydia were technically doing school work and Kira was working on the work schedule for her café. Meanwhile, Erica, Boyd and Malia were helping out at the farm right now. They always did when it was time for harvest, because in the end, it was their family business.

Chris took a deep breath. That still felt good to think. That he had a family again. Not just through his husband, with their daughters. But being the Alpha Mate, he had developed a whole different kind of appreciation for a wolf pack, unlike how he had felt toward the McCall Pack. These betas? They were his betas, they were his family. They'd helped him recover.

"Stiles texted," Lydia called out delighted.

It made Chris snort, the way all betas immediately perked up. Ever since Peter had run into Stiles last week and a half, they were all pretty much obsessed with the boy. At least two betas managed to see Stiles every day, they had lured the boy back to the farm once already for dinner, Stiles had gone to have lunch three times at Stiles' Sweets over this past week. Quite frankly, Chris was impressed by their self-control. Every night, Chris had to fight Peter on how much the Alpha wanted to go and just drag Stiles into their den and not let him leave. Last time Stiles was over for dinner, on Saturday, the Alpha – and his betas too – hadn't wanted to let the boy go again.

"Well, don't keep us in suspense," Jackson growled, nuzzling her neck.

Partially to be close to his mate, partially to look over her shoulder at her phone. It made Chris chuckle, the way the betas were practically circling Lydia, waiting for more information.

"He said that him and his dad would love to come over for dinner on Friday."

"Yes," Erica actually fist-bumped the air.

"At which part do we show him his bedroom and then just lock him into it?" Malia asked.

"No," Allison gave her step-sister a glare. "We are not doing that, Mal. We talked about it."

"We did," Malia nodded. "And I still don't agree with your point of view. The whole pack lives in this house. But Stiles has only been over twice. I only saw him four times in the past ten days, that's just not enough. That's wrong. He needs to be here."

Erica, Boyd, Isaac and Cora sat down in front of them on the ground, with Erica leaning against her mate and putting her feet into Cora's lap. Boyd's fingers gently carded through Erica's curls.

"And we all agree with you on that, Mals," Erica assured her, heaving a long-suffering sigh. "I just want to hug him and never let go, now that we know he's alive. It's like I'm afraid that it was just a nice dream after all, every time he leaves again, that we won't get to see him again."

"But," Kira redirected, pressing a soothing kiss to Malia's cheek. "Stiles has been through a lot and we don't want to push him. We want to ease him into this, into joining our pack."

Shaking his head, Chris walked past the betas, leaving them to their debate – a debate Chris has had with both Malia and Peter repeatedly over the past week, father and daughter very much agreed on their preferred method of keeping Stiles. Inside the house, he found his husband, sitting in the living room on the fur in front of the fireplace, his laptop on his thighs. He wasn't working though, he was very clearly listening in on the betas' debate outside.

"Babe," Chris grunted, sitting down next to Peter and wrapping his arms around the Alpha's waist. "No, we are not kidnapping Stiles and keeping him."

A grumble that had no right to be as cute as it was came from the wolf. "You are no fun, Christopher. He is alive. He is here. He should be ours."

Not like Chris could argue that. Losing Stiles was what had driven the two of them together. They'd cried and screamed and fought – physically fought – blaming each other for not getting their boy out of there. Heated kisses with more biting than tenderness had followed. Rough sex that was more hate sex than genuine passion for each other. Over the following months, that hate sex turned into something filled with love, as the two held each other through the loss. They both had been in love with Stiles, still were, a traitorous part of Chris' brain supplied, and they had lost him. That loss had made Chris and Peter who they were now, had brought them together.

"I love you, Christopher," Peter spoke fiercely, pressing a kiss to his temple. "I can see your thoughts on your face and him being alive does not change anything between us."

The smallest smile played on Chris' lips as he nodded. "Okay. But it does change something, doesn't it? Seeing him again, seeing him alive, having him in our home, with our pack…"

"It does," Peter admitted, leaning back against Chris' chest. "But I'm… As selfish as I may be, I don't need him to be mine, I just need him to be back in my life."

"Not need, but want?" Chris asked, a small, teasing smile on his lips.

He nuzzled Peter's neck, the Alpha shuddering in his arms. "Of course."

Of course. Chris chuckled, relaxing against his husband. Of course.

/break\

Stiles was eager as they drove onto the farm. Giddy. Coming here, even though this was only the third time he was actually at the farm, felt like coming home. It shouldn't and the intensity of it was near scary to Stiles, but oh it did. Ever since Peter had kidnapped him to the farm for the first time, not a day had passed without him interacting with someone from the pack. They'd gotten his number, during their puppy pile after dinner, and they texted him daily. They put him into their pack group chat and Stiles tried not to see any implications in that.

Stiles' Sweets was beautiful, Kira's touch was all over the place and the food Boyd made was delicious and Erica, whenever not busy with a customer, would be so stupidly cute with Boyd. Her hair was shorter than it used to be, while Boyd actually had hair now, wearing it in chin-long twists, stubble dusting his strong jawline. They'd grown up. And they were happy. Not just with each other, though they were so clearly so deeply in love and Stiles just knew that Boyd was hiding an engagement ring somewhere, waiting for the perfect time, but they were also happy where they were. With their business, their pack, the place in their life.

And Kira! Kira had gained so much confidence, she loved her business so much and if possible, she had become even more badass. On Tuesday, Stiles, Kira and Lydia had taken out a ghoul together and it had felt exhilarating. For so long, he'd avoided all supernatural threats, fearing that it would just trigger him. But with his friends at his side? It was exciting.

He'd gone to the university library with Allison, Malia and Lydia and he might have fallen a little in love with that library. It was so big, so many books, urgh. Knowledge. He hadn't even realized how much he missed absorbing knowledge. He never stopped his research binges, but they were random, unfocused. This? This reminded him just how much he loved it, missed it.

Lydia, Erica, Cora and Allison were so busy planning Lydia and Jackson's wedding and they'd shown him all the folders and plans on Thursday. Her dress, the venue, the cake. Every little detail meticulously planned because of course it was, this was Lydia Martin's wedding, after all.

He'd started talking to Jackson. Three days after his first visit at the farm, Jackson had called him. For a bunch of minutes, they simply shared silence. Before Jackson started talking. About the kanima, what that had been like and oh. For the first time, Stiles could talk to someone who understood. At the very least understood what it was like to have your body controlled by someone else, used to murder innocent people. Something in his chest eased at that. They'd been texting daily about the kanima and the Nogitsune since then and over the course of a week, Stiles started to feel such a close kinship with Jackson in a way he never expected.

Isaac and Derek bullied him into helping them on the farm, during his second visit. But it was actually fun. The three of them played around and he got to see them both laugh freely in a way he never had seen back in Beacon Hills. It made him realize just how much things had changed.

The toughest were Chris and Peter though. They had taken Stiles out to lunch four times, to dinner twice. Never together though. They hadn't brought up their marriage yet either. And it was impossibly confusing, because every time he went out with one of them, it felt like a date. Maybe that was just his hopeful mind, clouded by old feelings that came back with a vengeance.

"You're going to love it, dad," Stiles grinned as him and his dad got out of their car.

John looked skeptical, even as he surveyed the farm. "It looks gorgeous."

The grin on Stiles' lips widened. The two of them headed for the main house and even before Stiles could knock, Isaac opened the door. The blonde puppy grinned and immediately went to nuzzle Stiles, scent-marking him. Stiles hadn't realized how much he missed the casual affections of pack, but he relished how affectionate the pack was with him. Isaac grabbed his hand and dragged him into the kitchen, where the dinner table was already set and half the pack was comfortable while the other half was working on dinner. Stiles barely got through the door before the pups lounging about got up to scent-mark him, Boyd and Jackson shoving each other to get Stiles first.

"Stop fighting," Stiles laughed. "There is enough Stiles to go around for everyone."

"We wouldn't have to fight over it if you would just live here and we could scent-mark you every day," Malia growled displeased, rubbing her chin against his.

Stiles stilled between them, even more so when Peter growled low in warning at his daughter. Stiles didn't know what that meant. He really tried not reading anything negative into that growl, like Peter not wanting him in the pack. Thankfully, his dad noticed the tension and cleared his throat.

"My son's not the only guest you're having, you know."

"Sheriff," Chris forced a polite smile, reaching a hand out.

"Not the sheriff anymore," a thin smile on his dad's lips. "Mister Argent."

"Chris," Chris corrected. "First names, if you don't mind? Noah."

"John," his dad corrected bemused. "I got… very used to the name over the past years."

"John," Chris nodded, shaking hands with John. "Welcome to our home."

Stiles let himself be pulled down onto Jackson's lap, the former kanima resting his chin on Stiles' shoulder. If someone had told him five years ago, he would ever willingly sit on Jackson Whittemore's lap – well, okay actually he would have on account of his giant bisexual crush on the jerk, but still, the point stood. He grinned as he leaned against Jackson and reached out to run a hand over Cora's arm, scent-marking the youngest Hale.

"I made apple crumble for desert," Boyd noted. "You said you liked that when you were at the café earlier this week and we just harvested fresh apples yesterday."

Stiles perked up delighted. "Erica, you need to lock that down or else I will propose to him."

Boyd flustered and laughed. Hah. Stiles just knew the big guy was hiding an engagement ring somewhere. If he got a chance, he would be snooping around the house to find it. He smiled softly as he relaxed into the pack. It was so easy to feel comfortable and at home with them.

/break\

John heaved a deep sigh, his hands wrapped around his mug of coffee. He'd been up since five AM even though it was a Saturday and his day off. However, yesterday was still laying heavy in his stomach. Seeing Stiles with the Hale Pack was the first time in years – even before they'd left Beacon Hills – that he saw his son genuinely happy. Smiling in a way that lit up his eyes. The ease with which Stiles interacted with them too, the casual touches and caresses and straight up cuddling. He sat in Jackson Whittemore's lap for ten minutes before dinner and spent dinner pressed up against Derek Hale. After dinner, when everyone went to the living room for the apple crumble (the best damn apple crumble John had ever eaten in his life), Stiles had practically been passed around between the pack, the spots to his left and right changing people every five minutes. By the time the night ended, Stiles was on the floor in front of the couch, Peter and Chris on either side of him, their legs pressing up against his arms and he looked so content.

"Da—ad," Stiles drawled the word out when he entered the kitchen. "Is something wrong?"

"Sit down, son," John motioned at the other chair. "I think we need to talk."

They only had two chairs in their kitchen, because there was never another person. Stiles hadn't made friends since they got here, much less shown romantic interest in anyone. It had been just the two of them for too long now and yesterday had reminded him that it shouldn't be that way.

"What's wrong?" Stiles asked, looking tense now.

"Malia spoke about wanting to keep you at the farm yesterday," John spoke slowly. "I saw the look on your face, even while you were trying to hide it from them. That was… pure longing. You wanna live with them, don't you? I haven't seen you this happy in far too long."

"I…" Stiles wavered slightly. "I don't know. To be honest, I'm just… really overwhelmed by it all. I spent too long thinking that at least half them actively hated me. I didn't think I would ever see any of them again. I'm still… I'm still working my way through that? Learning to accept that they do want me in their lives, that they don't blame me for what the Nogitsune did?"

John's face twisted and he refrained from commenting on that. He'd spent too long trying to reassure his boy that it wasn't his fault, but Stiles accused him of parental bias. Maybe they could convince him. Hopefully they could convince him.

"Tell me what you're thinking, then," John prompted.

"I need more time," Stiles' eyes were sharp, thoughtful. "I… I think I do want to… I love the farm already, I love being with them. But I need more time with some distance to actually deal with this and with all these… feelings that they've stirred me. All the guilt and pain and… and love. Yeah. I can't deal with that if I were already living with them, but… I do think that's where it's headed."

"Okay," John nodded. "You'll tell me, when you realize you're ready?"

"Yeah," Stiles offered a small smile.

"Can we talk about the two middle-aged men you kept gravitating toward?"

Stiles stilled, looking at him like a deer caught in the headlights. "I don't know what you mean, I have been gravitating toward everyone equally yesterday, I literally sat in Jackson's lap and in Malia's and I was laying draped over Cora and Isaac."

"Mhmh," John pursed his lips, crossing his arms and leaning back. "None of them made you blush though. When you were sitting between Peter and Chris though, you looked… serene. And you did tell me about your feelings on them, don't think I forgot."

The past two years had brought them so close, they'd shared things with each other they may never have shared back in Beacon Hills. At one point, Stiles had opened up about his sexuality, about being bisexual, about how his dad's dismissal all those years ago had hurt him, about his feelings for Peter Hale and Chris Argent. Stiles had promised his dad that nothing had ever happened with either of the men, but that he had had feelings for them both. That Peter leaving had broken his heart and that Chris leaving had broken his heart all over again. That was the important part, the part he'd wanted to share with his dad. Loss, but in a different way.

"They're married," Stiles pointed out, looking at the table. "To each other."

"That's not an answer to my question," John pointed out, eyebrows raised.

"But it is," Stiles shrugged, raising his eyes to meet John's. "They're married to each other, I don't know, maybe if I had run into just Peter and the Hales, I would have… I might have tried my luck? I mean, I'm twenty, I'm a legal adult very much capable of making my own decisions. But Peter and Chris are married, so there's nothing there to pursue. I'm not a home-wrecker, dad."

"Would never accuse you of that, kiddo," John chuckled, shaking his head. "Forget it."

He wasn't going to push, not if Stiles couldn't see it himself. His son said he needed to digest all the feelings and memories that this had stirred in him, so John didn't want to rush Stiles. His boy was clever, sooner or later Stiles was going to notice the way Chris and Peter looked at him.

/break\

Tension in the Hale Pack was growing with every passing day. Peter was acutely aware of that, as the Alpha, but he also knew there was nothing he could do (regardless of how often Malia suggested to just keep Stiles). The betas kept seeking out Stiles more and more.

"You can not walk in there without an appointment, Mister Hale is very busy-"

Peter raised an eyebrow at the high voice of his new secretary. The door to his office opened and Stiles walked in like he owned the place, followed by said new secretary.

"It's fine, he can stay," Peter dismissed her. "Hello, Stiles."

Stiles grinned broadly and walked over to the desk, even as the secretary huffed and closed the door. Part of Peter had wanted to hire Stiles, just to have the boy close. The other part of him knew that he couldn't employ Stiles, that wasn't going to work out for him. Too distracting.

The boy climbed onto the desk, sitting there like it was the most natural thing in the world, his feet on Peter's chair, on either side of his lap, his knees temptingly apart. Peter raised an eyebrow at the cheeky Spark, but he wasn't one to miss an opportunity. He leaned forward, crossing his arms on Stiles' thighs, getting comfortable, hands resting on those tempting thighs.

"What can I do for you, Bambi?" Peter asked, looking up into those big doe-eyes.

"You can reign your puppies in," Stiles frowned, looking actually annoyed. "I am about one puppy away from losing my job. I like hanging out with the pack, breakfast, lunch dinner, meeting the girls on campus, going shopping, what have you. But lately, they've been loitering around at my place of employment. And that would be fine, if they were just there, eating and spending time there. But they keep trying to talk to me and my boss really doesn't like that while I'm on the clock. So. I need you to Alpha up and reign your puppies in before I lose my job."

Peter frowned displeased at that. "I will talk to them. But I can't make promises."

"You're the Alpha," Stiles snorted, motioning at Peter. "Do the sexy red eyes flashing and a bit of growling and tell them to stop costing me my job! My dad and I kinda need the money to afford the apartment, you know. Living in London is fucking expensive."

"You find the Alpha eyes sexy?" Peter raised one eyebrow, smirking immensely pleased.

A blush spread over Stiles' cheeks in a tantalizing manner while the boy rolled his eyes. "Not the point. You're the Alpha. Be a proper Alpha and make sure your pack behaves."

The leisure touch on Stiles' thighs tightened, squeezing just a little. Peter was startled by the moan it earned him, making him stare up at the Spark in stunned silence.

"I have sensitive inner thighs so if you could not squeeze them," Stiles muttered embarrassed.

Peter blinked at him, eyes red, but he removed his hands from Stiles. "I apologize."

He swallowed hard, the sweet, intoxicating scent of Stiles' arousal heavy in the air, especially considering Peter's place between Stiles' knees. Clearing his throat, Peter pushed his chair off and got up. Putting some physical distance between himself and Stiles.

"I can try to talk to them, but you must realize that even I can't make them go against their instincts," Peter raised his eyebrows at Stiles. "The entire pack lives together, spends their time in our shared space that smells like all of us. They only get to see you every other day. Their instincts don't like that, don't like not knowing where you are and if you're safe. You also keep gathering smells of other people, other places, and they get to scent you too infrequently for their liking."

He could hear the jump of Stiles' heartbeat. Peter stood beside his large bookshelf, watching his boy. Stiles furrowed his brows and drew his legs up, now sitting cross-legged on the desk. Still acting like he owned the damn place and it should not please Peter that much.

"So it's time we have this conversation, huh," Stiles whispered to himself.

He was fidgeting with his fingers and then looking at Peter. Expectantly. Peter raised an eyebrow.

"What conversation are we talking about here, Stiles?"

Stiles tilted his head. "The one you promised we'd have at my graduation."

It was Peter's turn to feel his heart jump in his chest. "Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured into it by my pack being… pushy."

A small smile spread over Stiles' lips and he shook his head. "I wanted to have this conversation since before I left Beacon Hills. I… did need some time, to myself, after I ran into you. But it's been a couple weeks now and I've talked things through with my therapist. I feel more… settled."

That made Peter nod slowly. "Stiles, I want you to be a part of my pack. Will you join?"

The way Stiles was beaming at him nearly took Peter's breath away and then the Spark bared his neck to him. "Yes, Alpha. I want to join your pack."

Peter was on him in less than a second, sinking blunt human teeth into that pale neck, biting him. Claiming him as Hale Pack. Peter breathed out hard through his nose as he felt the pack-bond with Stiles snap into place. It was so bright and so warm and a beautiful turquoise color.

"Fuck," Stiles gasped, collapsing forward against Peter, clinging onto him. "Holy shit."

"It's okay," Peter wrapped his arms around Stiles. "Just breath. I know it can be overwhelming."

To Peter, the one new pack-bond was intense, but for Stiles? Twelve new pack-bonds were either snapping into place or reigniting where they had been severed before. Stiles started shaking in his arms, sobbing into his chest. Peter gently caressed his back until the Spark calmed down some.

"I missed them," Stiles' breathing was still labored. "Derek and Boyd and Erica, it's been so long. Isaac and Allison and Lydia and Malia and Kira, I… I missed them… I missed them, I was so cold, Peter, I didn't realize it was because I was missing this warmth, I didn't…"

Stiles continued babbling on and Peter simply held him, kissing the top of his head. It took Stiles nearly half an hour to properly calm down and Peter had to send his new secretary away with a withering glare at one point, his appointments be damned. His new pack-mate was more important.

"That… was fucking intense," Stiles tilted his head, resting his cheek against Peter's chest.

"You know that you and your father wouldn't have to worry about the money for your apartment if you were to move to the farm," Peter offered after a moment. "Pack takes care of pack."

"My dad too?" Stiles looked up at Peter, unsure.

"Your father is more than welcome to be a part of this pack, if he wants to be, and to live at the den. Why don't you go and talk to him about this and then tell me what you decide, mh? Though… do expect to be smothered by the betas most likely as soon as you step out of this office."

"Oh yeah, I am bracing for that," Stiles snorted amused, rubbing at his chest. "I can… feel their excitement. Good thing I don't have any plans for the rest of the day."

/break\

Chris was in the orchards when Stiles found him, a day after the boy had joined the pack. The pack-bond had hit Chris like a brick-wall, to be able to feel Stiles in his soul was more overwhelming than with any of the betas. Peter had been so ecstatic when he got home last night, kissing Chris until the former hunter was breathless and then Peter started talking about sensitive thighs and things escalated into much more than just kissing.

"Can we talk, Chris?" Stiles asked when he approached the former hunter.

"Sure," Chris grunted, putting his crate down and turning toward the house.

Stiles grabbed his upper arm, shaking his head. "Not… where the nosy puppies are. C'mon."

Raising one eyebrow, Chris let Stiles lead him deeper into the apple orchard. Along the way, Stiles stole an apple from a branch, throwing it a couple times before taking a bite. Chris wondered what this was going to be about. Peter said that Stiles and his dad were going to talk about moving to the farm, but this wasn't something Stiles would share only with Chris, was it?

"I don't know how to do this in a non-awkward way, so…"

Stiles trailed off and then grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it off over his head. Chris froze, his brain going into all kind of dirty directions of pinning Stiles against the nearest tree and doing all the things him and Peter whispered about in their bed at night. And then his eyes landed on Stiles' chest, on the tattoo over the boy's heart. An arrow-head, and above and beneath it, We protect those who cannot protect themselves. Chris didn't know what to do with that, aside from being oddly turned on by seeing his family motto and a representation of himself on Stiles' chest.

"Ye—eah," Stiles cleared his throat awkwardly, scratching his neck. "I felt like we should talk about this first, before I move to the farm and it comes up unexpectedly because I'm eating breakfast in my boxers and you walk in. I, uh… I got it, after we left Beacon Hills. As a reminder of Allison, of… killing her. Sacrificing for her. Maybe partially to punish myself, but also to remind me of what I had overcome. But I realize it's… I figured you should know."

Chris swallowed hard, nodding. This was going to haunt him for months to come. He wanted to lick it. He needed to show it to Peter, oh this was going to drive the Alpha wild with jealousy. Thinking about it, Chris could imagine Peter taking a sharpie to Stiles to draw the triskele on him. The thought inexplicably made Chris laugh out loud, startling Stiles.

"Okay, not the reaction I was expecting," Stiles raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry," Chris chuckled and shook his head. "I just imagined Peter's reaction."

"Well, considering it made you laugh, I am hopeful it won't include him possessively ripping my throat out for having his husband's family motto on my chest," Stiles quipped.

Chris sobered up a little bit, clearing his throat. "No, it's more likely to make him use a sharpie and draw the triskele on you to make it even. He's a bit possessive."

Confusion passed over Stiles' face. "Yeah, hence the ripping throat out?"

"Of you," Chris corrected with gentle eyes. "He's a bit possessive of you, Stiles. Always has been."

"W… What," Stiles stared at him with those pretty, large doe-eyes.

"Damn, Peter's right you really are Bambi," Chris muttered beneath his breath. "Listen, you just said you want to move to the farm. And I think that there is something that you deserve to know before you move into a house with me and Peter. We have both been in love with you… longer than we've been in love with each other. I know you've been wondering on how we got together and we've so far ignored your curiosity, but you should know before you move in with us. We got together over our shared grief for you, because we were both in love with you. Still are."

Stiles stared up at him with even wider eyes – how was that physically possible? Even without being a werewolf, Chris could tell that Stiles' heart was doing overtime. He offered the boy a small, albeit sad smile before he took a step back, away from Stiles.

"I'll get back to my work. I didn't mean to overwhelm you," Chris offered softly. "I just wanted you to know, so you can make an informed decision. If this makes you uncomfortable, you and your father would still be pack even if you don't live at the farm with us, Stiles. All we want is have you in our life, that would be enough for us. Both of us."

/break\

"I just fucking froze," Stiles groaned, tilting his head back. "He told me that him and Peter were in love with me and I just froze and gaped at him like a stupid fish, dad! Ouch!"

John grunted, an amused look on his face. "I still think that this is an extreme reaction, son."

Stiles turned to throw his dad a deep glare. "You know me! I work in extremes. Ouch."

Another grunt and a shake of his head. John did appreciate that his boy trusted him and confided in him. That he'd decided to take John with him here. Though then John had been there for each one. He reached out for Stiles' hand, taking it. Running his thumb over the tattoo on his wrist.

"And you're really okay with it?" Stiles asked in a small voice. "All of it, I mean? Living with them, both of us living with them, and me… maybe… being with them? You're okay with it?"

"Stiles," John heaved a sigh. "I love you, kiddo. With all my heart. All I want is for you to be happy. And ever since they got back into your life, you have been… so much brighter than in years. If they can make you happy, I will not judge. But if they ever hurt you, I will hunt them down."

A broad grin spread over Stiles' lips as he looked at his dad. "I wouldn't expect any less."

/break\

Stiles was giddy and excited and nervous when he carried a box of his belongings into the farm house. The rest of his pack – his pack – was carrying the rest of his and his dad's stuff inside. While they were laughing among themselves, talking and busy with their task at hand, Stiles wandered upstairs in search of their Alphas. He might have been impulsive, after Chris' confession yesterday, but he'd been in love with them for so many years. He hadn't spoken to Chris and Peter yet, too busy packing the last of their belongings and also getting his surprise done. They let the lease run out, it didn't even matter to them, they could finally leave their apartment behind and move into a real home, filled with warmth and family and pack. And with the men Stiles loved.

He—ey," Stiles knocked on the master bedroom and then entered. "You guys hiding from me?"

"Well," Peter cleared his throat. "Christopher told me about your conversation and we… didn't want to pressure you into an answer of any kind. We're just glad you're here."

"Honestly, I didn't know what to say yesterday," Stiles admitted, flustered. "I've been dreaming about that for so long, it felt too unreal when it happened – unreal in a good way. I've been… I've been in love with you two for so stupidly long. Oh and, uhm, Chris gave me an idea yesterday and you know me, I am impulsive and all of that, but it felt fitting even in a broader sense I mean I am now Hale Pack, after all, so I got this and I hope that's not too weird but-"

He grabbed the hem of his shirt to lift it up enough to show the triskele set over his hip-bone. The growl from Peter was darker, louder and more primal than anything he'd ever heard before. It startled Stiles so much, he jumped a little. The next second, he was pinned against the closed bedroom door, the Alpha all up in his face, fangs and red eyes and all.

"You can't just put an Alpha's symbol on you like that," Peter growled. "You have no idea-"

"I do," Stiles held Peter's gaze, grinning a little. "Did you not hear the part where I said that I'm stupidly in love with you guys? I mean it. And I know."

Peter rested a shaky hand over the see-through film on top of the still very fresh and raw tattoo. Peter's claws were out too and it shouldn't thrill him that much. Stiles tilted his head to the side, a broad, cheeky grin on his lips. The Alpha buried his nose in it, inhaling deeply. Peter pressed a hungry kiss to Stiles' lips, leaving the boy breathless. Stiles' hands pawed at Peter's chest near desperately, his cheeks flushed when they parted.

"Peter," Chris growled annoyed. "Learn to share."

With a grumbling noise did Peter step aside enough to allow Chris to also crowd Stiles against the door and damn yeah, Stiles was definitely into getting cornered by them and stuck between them, this was fun. He rested one hand on each of their chests while Chris kissed him hungrily.

"Stiles," Derek called out from upstairs. "Where the hell are you. We got your stuff."

A shit-eating grin spread over Stiles' lips. "Just bring it to the master-bedroom."

Both Peter and Chris gave him surprised but hungry and pleased looks at that. Stiles grinned broadly, leaning against the door as the feeling of being home fully settled in, here, in their arms.

~*~ The End ~*~

[cerealboxlore]

heyheyhey what if some villain or something uses an ability to show a physical manifestation of how the heroes see their powers (maybe they want the world to see them as selfish/vain?) and captain marvels just covered in chains tying him down

I LIIIIVE!!! so sorry for being late to answering this, hun <3

First of all, I am going wild and feral with that image of Captain Marvel seeing himself that way! The immense burden and responsibility alone in carrying the powers of several gods and ancients is astonishing, beyond the normal human mind, but nowhere near the level of being the Champion of Magic. Imagine that. Being a child who has no one to depend on, and then suddenly becoming a figure of such intense magical power that millions depend on you saving them. Billy never wanted to become a superhero, he never intended to be one, but someone made that decision for him and he can't escape his fate.

Not that it's a bad thing, Billy is more than happy to lend a helping hand to anyone in need, whether it's as himself or as Captain Marvel. He isn't pure of heart for nothing, after all.

Old lady crossing the street? Billy will be there to help. Dr. Sivana stealing from the museum? Captain Marvel is on his way to put an end things. Someone is in a burning building and needs help getting out? Either of them wouldn't hesitate to run in.

It's when he fails to save someone that it sticks to his mind and poisons him with nightmares and guilt. Billy has canonically mentioned before that when he fails to save people, they haunt his nightmares and he looses sleep over thinking about what he could have done differently or better to save them. Sometimes he thinks he shouldn't have been chosen to be Captain Marvel, and that his powers would have been better suited to someone else, anyone else besides himself. Billy is a kid for crying out loud, and yet he's filled with so much survivors guilt, imposter syndrome, PTSD, and more.

The responsibility and power of being a superhero, Champion of Magic, and guardian of the Rock of Eternity all weigh heavy on his small shoulders. Let's not forget Billy's personal life either; a homeless orphan living day to day, working tirelessly to survive and hide away from people who wish to hurt him. It's a miracle this kid hasn't burned out yet. He has too many responsibilities to care about!

Billy is fortunate enough that when he transforms into Captain Marvel, he can forget about his anxiety and worries for a while thanks to his powers giving him a healthy mindset to think with. However, deep beneath the surface, the vessel for the Champion of Magic is just a scared little lost child, crying for his mom and dad, never voicing his concerns or woes to people as to not burden them.

This is why I love your idea of the physical manifestation of how Captain Marvel sees his powers being chains. He feels trapped by his roles in life and doesn't think he can escape them. He doesn't even know if he is allowed to want these burdens and chains gone from him. The chains may seem to tie him down but he is ultimately the one with the key to put an end to it, to never say the magic word again and live a semi normal life. But that's just not the person Billy Batson is. Billy Batson will always do his best to try and save people, no matter what he has to sacrifice of himself in the end.

Maybe the chains seem to be on him unwillingly, but are actually there to represent how he is forcing himself to be a hero to the world.

[gothamstreetcat]

not to go off but i think the reason i love wesley/lilah so much, and more specifically in same cases - lilah herself, is because she genuinely loved wesley. stehpanie said that, during the dress-up scene is when lilah realized she could love - and she loved wesley. and i think it's so important because when wesley is going to cut her head off (because he can't bare the idea of anyone else doing it) he tells her "she didn't love him. she couldn't." and i've always seen that, the tone of his voice, the ache of hurting as: you didn't love me because you can't. i am not someone that can be loved. but she did love him. i know a lot of people don't like wesley but you can't deny he comes from trauma and abuse, and a father who did not love him and was not shy about it. and something so sad about it is because a lot of what wesley does i think stems from a trauma response - and even after everything and shooting his not!dad he still calls him at the end of the episode because he wants his dad to love him. he still loves his dad. and i think this is so important when talking about wesley's character because everything is dad did - putting him down, locking him in a closet, terrorizing him - has stayed with him into adulthood. he never got over anything or made peace with it.

and i really believe his "billy" persona was really a mirror of his own father/how he was possibly treated. it would make a lot of sense that wesley would repress his fears of becoming like his father. and during his time with lilah he had lost everything - his "family," two of his best friends in the whole word, and his purpose. his very reason for being alive. she comes into his life in a time when he has no one, and she loves him. she kind and gentle and i think that's the reason i've been drawn to lilah because of that. because i know what it's like to be like wesley and make one mistake and never be able to live it down, to be laughed at or looked at weird when talking about abuse. to be grown and wonder why i am not capable of being loved - what is wrong with me that i'm not good enough?

and in my opinion, a lot of wesley "being in love with fred" stems from fred being a more loved version of wesley himself. she doesn't get made fun of for being smart, and she don't get entirely criticized for being weird. her parents love her unconditionally and supported her. anytime she experienced ptsd she was immediately comforted - all of these are good things and i hope it doesn't come off like i'm hating when i say these things. however, wesley is more seen in a negative light, and isn't given the same kindness and such.

and it feels like the idea of wesley being with fred and being in love with her in so pressed on. as if it's the only way wesley is going to matter - it's the only thing people think about him. so much so that fred becomes some conflicted in his relationship with lilah, which i truly do not understand because the first have of season 4 was them sharing a life together, and the second half was wesley grieving the loss of the love of his life. that rage he showed with faith, that need to get rid of angelus was grief. he's staring at her body and can't fathom the idea of having to cut her head off - and despite the memory erasing in season 5 he still remembers it. he sits in the basement for hours because he's struggling with the loss. and in his mind he wonders if it might be about redemption or "saving" lilah - but in the end of the season we learn that is was never about those things. it was about giving her peace. it was about how she had suffered enough (and i know we all love our bad ass lawyer, but she was often treated poorly).

how am i genuinely supposed to interoperate him burning her contract? was that not love? and there is no way wesley would have given up trying to free her because if that was really the case he would have it a long time ago. and what they have is such a beautiful thing together because neither one of them was expecting it. they weren't obligated to be kind to one another and yet after everything that happened they still found love. lilah never thought someone would ever do something that meaningful for her as burn her contract just life wesley never believed he could be loved in such a way.

"they have a powerful thing together."

anyway, i stopped doing something super important to write all this down. hope i am not being too annoying.

[tinkerbelle05]

Sully Family Modern AU Headcanons

Characters: Jake, Neytiri, Kiri, Tuk, Neteyam, Mo’at, Lo’ak

Warnings: None :)

Summary: Just some headcanons of what the Sully’s would be like in our modern world

Taglist & Masterlist

Jake

Jake would def be a military dad and sometimes be doing too much but Netyiri always drags him back to earth

Goes all out for his kids’ extracurricular activities. He’s always there with a camera or trying to tell his kids what to do

Sometimes can get hard on his kids (esp Lo’ak) bc he wants to them to not make the same mistakes he did

Runs a nonprofit to help warriors who lost their limbs and/or struggling with PTSD from the first war

A girl dad all the way, he folds so hard when it comes to Kiri and Tuk

Is best buds with Tonowari and is always trading embarrassing stories with him

Much to their children’s dismay

Sometimes they go on camping trips together

Loves to prank his children and embarrassing them lovingly

Finds it hard to talk about Tommy and Tsu’tey but wants his kids to know their uncles so he pushes through

Listens to classic rock and country, you cannot tell me otherwise

Tries (and fails) to get his kids into it

Neytiri humors him at times and would admit (not to his face tho) that some of it is good

Neytiri

She is an instructor at a really good archery school

Loves to drink tea and Kiri always buys her different kinds from her “impulsive drives”

Still does all of the kids’ hair and retwist Jake’s locs for them

Save money and she makes it into a self-care for the person

And the kids do her hair as well

Is a mama bear and not afraid to tell someone off to protect her family

Is really into sustainable to protect Pandora

She mostly listens to podcasts but has a shared playlist with Jake

Teaches her kids self-defense and takes it very seriously

Helps out with fundraising for her kids clubs and schools if needed

But not really involved in the pta unless it involves her kids directly

She respects boundaries but really hates it when her family is in distress and won’t say anything

Goes on walks and hikes with Jake

They have a weekly date night to de-stress from the kids

Neteyam

School President and captain of whatever school team he plays for. Maybe soccer or volleyball

Girls, guys, honestly anyone whoever is attracted to guys def looked Neteyam’s way twice

But all those good looks but no rizz at all

What a shame

Lo’ak said it skipped Neteyam and went straight to him

Into mangas but his taste in them are all over the place. One day reading Haikyuu the next reading The Promised Neverland

Big 180

Similarly, his tastes are the same in music. Some day into indie the next heavy rock. But if asked, his favorite is indie full stop

Would be valedictorian of his school and all the teachers love him

Saved up for his first car and would die before he lets Lo’ak get behind the wheel

Road rage driver and got it from his parents

Is a tutor who does it for money but will help someone outta the kindness of his heart if needed

Feel immense pressure to be the best at everything he does. Which leads to burnout and his family stepping in

That intervention led to lots of hugs and tears

Promises to do better on Jake’s part

Had a Hamilton the musical phase, and sometimes will go back to the songs he really likes

Kiri

Really into crystals, plants, and herbalism

Has a garden in their backyard that is extremely well-taken care of

Into activism for many groups but her main focus would be the environment

Doesn't want Pandora to turn into Earth now

Has a well-known blog dedicated to plants and helps inform ppl about the dangers of greenhouse emissions

Her fashion taste is long but breathable dresses and doc martens

Goes thrift shopping with Neytiri and that's how she met Tsireya and her mom

While their moms had a rocky start the two girls were besties since the beginning

Prolly sapphic if I'm being honest with you

The only one that Neteyam trust with his car

A vegan and convinced her family to have non-meat Mondays

Has been bullied in the past for being “weird” and now has a silver tongue. People think twice before saying something slick to her. Bc it’s either her words or her brothers’ fist

Cuts her own hair. The first time was an impulse but she loves the way it looks so she continued

Has this really calming presence around her that attracts ppl but she prefers to do her own thing.

Lo’ak

Definitely into hip-pop,rap, and r&b (I will not be convinced otherwise)

Wears a lot of street wear style clothes but those Nike techs got him in a chokehold

Always in detention for fighting someone or playing a prank that blows up in his face

Room a mess 24/7 but somehow has an order to it that only he understands

Like Neytiri or Neytam would ask him to find something and he’ll get it within 5 seconds

One of those to joke flirty with a lot of girls but if it’s someone he really like (like Tsireya for example) he get real shy around her

Owns a skateboard and is always at the skatepark. It’s how he made peace with Rotxo after their lil scuffle on the first day of school

And by proxy Ao’nung

When he wants to, he can get really deep and have personal conversations with a person

Will probably play a sport like hockey or something that’s really action based

He got that W rizz on lock, at least that’s what he claims

Into animes like Blue Lock, AOT, Chainsaw man

But can't get into the mangas for some reason

When he was younger a stray dog saved him. Convinced his parents to adopt the dog. Named him Palkan

Tuk

An iPad kid and loves Toca Boca

Also kids bop and the family hates it

She’s a picky eater

Bc the songs are just stuck in their heads

Wants to do every sport and join every club.

Settled on girl scout for the cookies and friends, but mostly cookies

Charges her family extra for boxes

Always gets her way bc everyone is wrapped around her finger

And honestly, Jake and Neytiri gave up on parenting

Definitely called Ao’nung a penis face at least once

After that Jake and Neytiri had a serious discussion around what can and cannot be said around a 7 year old w/ the older kids

Has caught Lo’ak sneaking out on multiple occasions and uses it to blackmail him

Most ppl (at least Tsireya) think he’s a loving older brother. But the fam knows something is up

Is not in charge of packing her own lunch bc it's literally all junk food

Once a month,she, Kiri, and Neytiri have a girl’s day. Each of them can choose what they do each month.

Gets the most money from Grandma when birthdays comes around

She is in love with Starbucks and mainly spend her cash money on getting drinks that sounds or looks good. If she don’t like the drink, then she gives it to Kiri to finish them

Bonus:

Mo’at

Spoils her grandchildren way too much

But there is not much Jake and Neytiri can do about it

Says she has no favorites but it is 100% Kiri

Still thinks about her dead husband and is sad that he’ll never meet his grandchildren or his son-in-law

Has seen and know it all

If the kids are having trouble they go to her for advice but she so wise in all matters

Has traveled the world more than once and would love to do it again

But is still a homebody

Really spiritual and it’s something she and Kiri bond over

For all her loving, she will give her family a harsh talking to if needed

Total badass, where you think Neytiri got it from?

————————————————————————

Like, repost, comment if you wish. See ya in the next one 👋🏿

[pearldog30]

David (hesh) Walker Head Cannon.

Alright, so. this was what y'all voted for that I do Hesh. So here's our bb boy hesh! Hope you all enjoy the head cannon on our boy 🖤

(also this hc is before he lost everybody. Because I genuinely can't bring myself to do that hc right now...)

Other works 👉 Master list

Warnings| a little tiny mention of PTSD.

I'm sorry but I can just imagine this man singing this song to you on your wedding day/anniversary 😭 (Love song say You won't let go by James Arthur) hesh can low key sing. no one can convince me otherwise!

I feel like hesh has only had 2 or 3 short-term girlfriends in the past, and each time he legit thought they were going to spend the rest of their life together, but they just ended up cheating on him or using him. and so when he met you he was very standoffish, and did not trust you for a while. because he thought you were like the others, so when you showed him that you only wanted HIM! When I tell you this man fell head over heels for you... It's like as if someone put the world in his hands. Because well.... in his eyes, they really did.

the very first person he introduced you to when you guys got together was Riley. This man was so nervous to introduce you to his goddamn dog, it was adorable. and when Riley liked you it was a weight lifted off his shoulders.

Since hesh's family is very VERY! important to him, it's important for them to like you too. So when he realized that you were the only one for him. he practically ran to his dad's house with you In his arms to introduce you to anybody. And when his dad/brother actually ended up liking you a lot. it just made him so madly in love with you.

out of all the guys when he's not working. he is the most sweetest, and genuine person ever! Which surprises a lot of people.

Since he grew up in San Diego he obviously is a big surfer. so if you're into surfing as well that is major bonus points for you. but if you're not, don't worry. he'll teach you, he'll definitely try to show you some tricks. And OHHH BOY! if Logan comes along, you might as well forget learning. cuz it's going to be a competition between those 2 on who can do better.

Slow dances with you in the kitchen. (although It's more like holding you in his arms and just standing there)

Since it's pretty obvious that hesh is a major Hot Head. (I mean just look at all the times he's blown up at everybody) so before he met you, he had quite the temper. And after y'all have been together for a while. you've noticed how much he's calmed down, like his temper is nowhere near as bad. To the point that even Merrick has said something about it "oh damn it looks like we're losing our boy. what has that woman done to you?" Merrick jokingly says, but he low-key grateful he's not as hot-headed anymore.

Now when it comes to day to day life he's a little... dumb. Like he's always calling his dad asking him if the difference between laundry detergent is the reason why his work-clothes have holes in them/asking if he should go to the emergency room because he's SOMEHOW sliced his leg open. so when you came into the picture just know you made Elias's blood pressure go down so much. you saved him from a heart attack.

I'm sorry but this MAN has a major sweet tooth. especially on the nights he can't sleep, so you'll often find him in the kitchen eating candy or some sugary shit. and then he complain on why he doesn't have abs later that week.

Hesh is a low-key hopeless romantic. Although he sucks ass at being romantic, but he tries his hardest. give our boy a break!

We know that hesh has PTSD but he certainly doesn't let it show. He's probably one of the very few guys that has it somewhat under control. But that doesn't mean he doesn't get the occasional panic attacks/nightmares. And when he does he usually goes very quiet, which is unlike him. That's when you know he's having a rough time, and your sign to step back and let him come to you when he's ready.

Now that doesn't mean he doesn't want your help, it's just 1 time in a past when you were trying to calm him down during one of his panic attacks, he absolutely snapped at you, and went off, It was the most angriest you've ever seen him. ever since then he keeps his distance when he is going through something like that, because he doesn't want to take it out on you. And hurt you. He still really hasn't forgiven himself from the last time. so he tries his best to protect you from it.

Secretly has a candy stash in his barracks room when he's deployed.

And lastly he CANNOT! be trusted to be in the kitchen when you're cooking..... By the time whatever you're making is done, half of it's already gone. You know those 5-year-olds that get excited when you have like brownie batter or something like that. yeah that's him, and he manages to get it all over his face in the process. The man is somehow a 5-year-old in a 27 year old body. you often question how Elias made it all these years.

Love language. Quality time, and words of affirmation. (I'm sorry but you cannot tell me this man's knees go WEAK when you tell him you're proud of him.)

And that's going to be the end for this thank y'all so much for voting! I hope you enjoyed our chaotic, angry boy. As always I hope you have a good day/night wherever you are. reblogs, comments always appreciated 🖤

Tags| @macravishedbymactavish @alexkellersleg @walker33961 and if you would like to be added just message me or comment.

[extasiswings]

As someone who never watched bones, the bones blueprint???

What is the Bones blueprint? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU. So Bones is the show with one of, if not THE hetero slow burn ship of classic Fox procedural shows in the mid-2000s-early 2010s. (Pretty much every main network had at least one major procedural slow burn at a time. Fox had X-files, then Bones. ABC had Castle. CBS had NCIS and The Mentalist…you get it). So, let me set the stage with our characters:

Seeley Booth, played by David Boreanaz. Booth is an FBI Agent and former Army Ranger (with a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart and a certain amount of PTSD that he doesn’t like to discuss). Catholic. Complicated relationship with his family. More than a little repressed. Definitely needs therapy (and gets it eventually—at first when he’s required to go, and voluntarily in later seasons). Good at and devoted to his job. Single Dad who feels like he missed out on a lot of the early years of his son’s life and worries about being a good father (he asked his ex to marry him when she got pregnant, but she turned him down even though she loved him—at least early on in the series even though they aren’t together it’s discussed that they have a tendency to fall into bed not infrequently) [I swear I’m not making this up]. Anyway, you get the picture.

And behind Curtain No. 2, we have:

Temperance Brennan (Bones), played by Emily Deschanel. Brennan is a forensic anthropologist. Super smart, super scientific, doesn’t have great social skills, but definitely has the whole “perceived as cold but actually feels things very deeply” thing going on. Tragic backstory. She’s also a novelist.

So! Booth and Brennan. They work together, they’re partners, they solve murders. And, naturally, they have the whole opposites thing that works for them—she’s very book smart, he’s very street smart, she believes in facts and science and logic, he believes in intuition and gut feelings and faith, etc. etc. As is often the case with the aesthetic of the crime procedural slowburn ship, they start out sort of reluctantly working together, but eventually develop a real partnership built on trust and friendship (and love!).

Early on, she has some things in her past with her family that she asks for his help investigating so that she can get answers. There’s also a time in the second season where Brennan gets kidnapped by a serial killer and buried alive while Booth is stuck trying to find her, which in addition to still being just An Episode(™) remains one of the great, classic, early-in-the-slowburn “I almost lost you and it made me feel Some Kinda Way, but no no we’re just friends really, nothing to see here” defining arcs, especially since Brennan starts dating someone not too long after. The same serial killer returns in season four and snatches Booth that time, and then it’s Brennan’s turn to find him (with the help of Booth’s younger brother). Anyway, classic slow burn—there’s a lot of Implication that you could read into if you wanted throughout the first several seasons, but not necessarily super concrete (although they get caught under the mistletoe once), and there are several rounds of saving each other in various ways as over the years they just become closer and closer until they’re Partners(™) in every way (even when they’re dating other people).

What’s making me yell and scream today though, is: the S4 finale and S5. In the S4 finale, Booth is in a coma after having brain surgery. He has a wild coma dream where he and Brennan are married and they run a nightclub, but there still ends up being a murder—ANYWAY, irl Brennan basically spends the whole time he’s in a coma at his bedside, but then he wakes up and he has no memory of who she is. Pivot to S5, Booth remembers her again, and also feels like he might have romantic feelings for her, but (in part because of some third party commentary) questions whether they’re real or just a side-effect of the surgery. He sort of tells her anyway, but flubs it massively. Later in the season, we get Booth’s son being concerned that his dad doesn’t have a girlfriend, both Booth and Brennan separately getting relationship advice from third parties, and Brennan getting asked out by a new guy. And then! The 100th episode.

The 100th episode, which reveals the start of the series wasn’t their first case, they worked together once before and kissed and almost slept together, but hadn’t ended up going all the way. And after they’re done telling their story, Booth finally stops and kisses her and gets to give his big damn love confession, lays it all on the line, tells her he’s always known she was the one and wants to really try…and she freaks out and cries and turns him down, and he accepts it but says he has to move on. And then they both date other people before fully running away from each other for many months (Brennan on an anthropological dig, Booth back to Afghanistan for the military). (And then, when they come back, she’s ready to put on her big girl pants and give it a shot, except that he went and got a girlfriend who he seems happy with so we all get to suffer through a season of angst and pining while he proposes to someone who isn’t Brennan etc while everyone else is like “you’re still in love with her though” but they do sleep together by the end of S6 and ultimately get married and have two more kids (not in that order)).

So, yeah—the blueprint! Making me especially crazy because here we are with Buddie on a Fox procedural, 4 seasons since they really started trying it seems to make Buddie something potentially real, and Buck is heading into a coma where he's about to hallucinate another life, and the 100th episode is coming up near the beginning of next season (and I really hope Fox learned from Bones that there's such a thing as dragging out the slow burn too much and just lets them be happy after the big damn feelings reveal but XD).

[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 3/7

What am I feeling today?

dreamt again despite my best efforts, prayed over it a lot. feel sad, let down. traveling today but my parents can’t come with us. tried my best but my dads in pain and I sympathize. I know he wishes he could have come and it’ll be hard to be away from them, so yeah overall just sad and defeated. at least I get to go back to my home city 🥲

Bible Plan: Healing What’s Hidden

Prisoners of Hope

Trauma is subjective. If you feel as if what you went through was traumatic, it probably was. However, if you feel that your experience wasn’t traumatic, you may or may not be correct because trauma is tricky. It hides in the dark and trips us up when we least expect it. It tries to convince us that what we experienced was normal and to minimize it while stacking itself up against someone else who “had it worse.”

I tend to minimize a lot of what I have experienced by saying it wasn’t that bad. A therapist of mine once told me that just because someone may have had it worse, that does not erase my experience. I still endured pain and it still had an effect on me.

By its simplest definition, trauma is a deeply disturbing experience or series of experiences. If you have been abused (mentally, physically, spiritually, or sexually), been neglected, lost a loved one, survived an assault or natural disaster, or even lived in close proximity to someone who has experienced trauma—you have experienced trauma.

There’s a book I bought about a year ago. I bought it because upon reading the title, I started crying.

This stood out to me. I find myself as a very science based person. I’m in nursing and believe that there’s a lot of clinical reasoning behind what goes on in our bodies and minds. I have still yet to read this book but I want to because a therapist had also brought this up. My parents (especially my father) experienced a lot of trauma in their lives. And even if we ourselves have not experienced it, that trauma does carry on in our genetics (she used the example of how children of holocaust survivors had ptsd even though they themselves never experienced the horrors their parents did).

The first step in healing trauma is acknowledging its existence. We have to come to grips with the reality that what we experienced wasn’t normal. When we dismiss or excuse our trauma as simply a regular part of life, we deny its impact on us. We end up looking for remedies rather than getting to the roots of the problem.

This is something I want to continue working on. I spent some time talking to the women leader for the campus ministry about my life and experiences and she brought up that there were times when it sounded like I wanted to cry but denied it and therefore I was numbing myself. I acknowledge that now. A lot of times, I’ve tried over and over to relive and fix the trauma that I’ve gone through and in turn believed I healed. It hurts less sure, but it still hurts. And I think I just have a hard time discerning what’s healing and what’s numbing.

All around the world, God is redeeming what seems irredeemable: “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new’” (Revelation 21:5). Notice that God says he is making all things new, not that he is making all new things. God’s innate reaction to brokenness is restoration.

This is very comforting. He isn’t going to scrap us aside, but He’s going to restore us with what we already are.

Healing from trauma probably won’t bring you back to your pre-traumatized self because the scars will always be there. But the scars will remind you of what you’ve overcome. Someday, they will be a powerful testimony to others of what God has done in your life. There’s beauty in this kind of renewal. There’s richness in things that have been truly restored rather than cosmetically dressed up. In Zechariah, we read that we are “prisoners of hope” because God promises to restore what we have lost.

With this, I just want to further distinguish what in my life am I cosmetically dressing up and what has actually been healed in me. I feel as if my mind won’t allow me to go there even when I try. It’s like there’s a road block and blank slate even though I know there’s something behind it, I just don’t know what it is.

God knows exactly which parts of you are wounded and what will be required in order for them to heal. He has restored millions of wounded minds, bodies, and souls throughout history, and he is paying special attention to your wounds right now. He is preparing them for healing.

It’s reassuring that He knows because I don’t. I want Him to reveal it to me. What am I running from? What is my mind protecting me from? Why can’t I access it? Why can’t I open that wound? Is it a matter of time? Where I am in my life? I just have so many questions and no one can help me with it because no one knows me besides me and I don’t even know, so only God does.

Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV

““Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

Heavy on this! I can have the habit of dwelling on the past, especially right now. I’m nostalgic, I miss some of my past, it saddens me knowing some things will never again be as they were. However! My hope should be what God reassures, He’s doing a new thing! In order for the new to come about, the old has to go!

Zechariah 9:12 NIV

“Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.”

I had a hard time understanding this so I went searching for commentary:

“Prisoners of hope” has reference to those who patiently waited for the kingdom of God. Paul spoke of himself in this terminology, “Hope of Israel, for which I am bound with this chain” (Acts 28:20); and in Galatians 3:23, he wrote:

Before faith came, we were kept in ward under the law (that is, prisoners), shut up unto the faith which should afterward be revealed. This is exactly the metaphor Zechariah used in Zechariah 9:12; and, although Paul did not quote this passage, he was surely familiar with it.

I think it’s just the hope that we have in our restoration in Christ. He washes away all sin and we are raised to a new life because of him.

Revelation 21:5 NIV

“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.””

I just want to get out of the way that my initial reaction was to laugh because of that meme where spongebob is like “write that down! write that down!!”

but besides that! yeah that really also shows the importance of the word of God. This is all written down for our benefit, so that we may know him better and know that everything that’s in the Bible is trustworthy and true. We can trust the promises He makes and as such relates to this in which He is making everything new!

[reviewdiaries]

Nan-spreading: an exploration of Bro!Nancy

I want to look a little bit closer at Bro!Nancy because it was a really fun and fascinating device from the writers to explore a lot of the emotions that Nancy would normally not allow herself to express. Do not misread this, I’m not saying she behaved appropriately, I think how she treats Ace (and to a lesser extent the others but the brunt of her attitude is levelled at Ace) is awful and quickly unravels from “banter” to verbal and physical abuse. But I do think that allowing Nancy these opportunities to explore her emotions (or lack thereof) was a fun choice by the writers.

Nancy has spent the last weeks by both necessity and choice repressing her feelings and emotions. There have been odd outbursts when she’s felt truly comfortable with the people she’s expressing them to (her dads), but on the whole she’s felt that she cannot safely express herself so it’s safest not to. She is at least acknowledging most of what she’s feeling to herself, which is huge progress from where her character began - baby steps. We’ve seen this from Nancy before though, and her not acknowledging how she’s feeling and pretending she’s fine never ends well. 

She’s been through so much over the course of the show and before - she’s lost parents and lovers and dealt with trauma after trauma. And whilst she has talked about the alternate timeline with her dads, we’re not made aware of how much she actually disclosed to them of what happened (for example does Ryan know that he died too?) and she’s not told any of the others. She’s almost certainly suffering from PTSD and has a PhD in repression at this stage. Grief on top of trauma on top of more grief.

And suddenly she can’t access it. She knows it’s there, but she can’t feel it in the same way, like pushing up against a glass window unable to break through. Having her own emotions removed from her is a violation, and she understandably lashes out over it. But without a big bad directly responsible for her predicament it comes out at Ace for a variety of reasons - he’s the one with her the most throughout the episode, a lot of her emotions have been focussed on him over the preceding weeks, and to a certain degree this is his fault. He is after all the one who knocked the water into her face…

It’s a fascinating window into the idea of what happens when Nancy gets angry. Too often women aren’t allowed to get angry - told they’re overreacting, that they’re being ridiculous - and finally Nancy is given permission to. She gives herself permission to. Anger is one of the only things available to her, but it’s not the only thing. Fury, rage, want and need, all the physical aspects that she has crammed down into a tiny box are let loose at once in a messy and uncontrolled fire that burns everyone it comes into contact with. She allows herself to take up space, to get in people’s faces, to furiously spew whatever she thinks, to aggressively flirt with Ace, to try and needle him to make him feel the same anger she feels. Because she’s so angry about the curse, furious that she had a chance at happiness and Temperance stole it from her, left her alone in this. (She’s not alone, but she’s not allowing herself to see that yet.) Because she’s allowed her hope to be crushed and it makes her furious that Ace hasn’t and he keeps pushing and pushing and pushing her to have hope again. 

She can’t, every time she allows herself to, someone else is taken from her, the other shoe drops and everything just keeps hurting. The water forces her to understand how it feels to have things withheld from you, to keep slamming herself futilely against a wall separating her from what she needs. She finally gets a glimpse of how Ace is feeling being kept from certain key details that she’s chosen he doesn’t need to know. And on the flip side Ace gets a glimpse of (a very heightened and overblown version) how Nancy has felt to continually be pushed and pressured. No Ace has never made her feel like eye candy or a piece of meat, but he has over the last twelve hours (the end of 4x01 and the start of 4x02) pushed over and over and over and not truly  listened to her saying no when pressed for details. They’re neither of them managing to communicate effectively or listen to what the other one is truly saying, and the supernatural hijinks in this episode offer them a small (ridiculously overdramatic) peek at how the other is feeling. 

Nancy hasn’t allowed herself to think about those days with Ace before he died, before she ended up back here torn up by grief and alone. If she thinks about it she unravels - the choke hold she has on herself is the only way she thinks she can get through this. It is a small, guarded piece of her heart that she has protected by any means necessary, and Ace (understandably, how could he know without knowing what he’s asking) has no idea what he’s asking her to divulge. He is consumed by the need to know because it’s a problem he can’t fix without all the facts and he is so done with Nancy lying and withholding information from him. It’s the kind of story that needs quiet and understanding and a slow gentle approach to show Nancy she isn’t alone, that he will protect her and hold these most intimate precious parts of her. Instead he effectively uses a crowbar once he sees there’s something she’s hiding. All Ace can see is Nancy has given up on them, but whenever anyone else comes to her with a problem she reassures them they’ll find a way to fix it because that’s what they do.

By breaking out the supernatural BroJuice (and honestly I am fascinated to see how that unfolds with each individual drinking it because it clearly doesn’t affect everyone the same way) the writers gave Nancy a way to express some of what she was feeling and experiencing and to work through her anger and fear and some of the nastier feelings she was keeping bottled up. Without her suddenly feeling blocked from the emotions she’s been feeling (the ones she’s been allowing herself to feel, the ones that make Nancy Nancy) we wouldn’t have the realisations, the understanding that she cannot hold this information away from Ace, or that last gorgeous scene with her opening up to him finally. Sure I would love it if she could have reached that point in another way, but as supernatural hijinks go this one was a fascinating spin.

[giraffeter]

Hello!

You just posted a lovely ArmKhun fic—they’re such a fun rarepair. Do you have any dearly-held headcanons for these two?

Hello!

I'm so happy you enjoyed my Arm/Tankhun fic — they are one of my favorite KinnPorsche rarepairs and the first one to really capture my heart while I was watching the show!

I'm thrilled that you asked this because I have SO many headcanons for these two, both separately and together. In no particular order, they include:

Tankhun picked out Pol and Arm to be his bodyguards because they are the tallest bodyguard and the shortest bodyguard respectively, and he finds their height disparity amusing. The fact that their personalities meshed well with his was a complete coincidence.

I have backstory headcanons for all the bodyguards that I have imagined so vividly at this point that sometimes I forget they're not canon. My headcanon for Arm is that he was in the military for a couple years before Chan recruited him to come work for Korn. That's where he got his weapons-handling training. It also means that Arm is a trained field medic, which you can see in the way he rushes in when Porsche has been drugged and when Big [rest of sentence lost in incoherent sobbing]. He has some experience helping people manage PTSD because of this, which gives him real empathy for Tankhun and makes him essential when Tankhun's in crisis.

After Kinn announces that he's in love with Porsche, Tankhun marches directly to the equipment office and is like ARM DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?? Arm, who has been catching them on the CCTV for weeks and is dying to talk about it with someone, already has a highlight reel of "Kinn and Porsche being unsubtle all over the house" edited together and ready to go (he's kept it PG-13 because he's classy like that and because he doesn't want Kinn to actually murder him). Arm and Tankhun watch the whole thing together with popcorn and much squealing in delight and horror, following which Tankhun storms up to Kinn's room like KINN! WE EAT ON THAT TABLE KINN!

Arm grew up watching lakorns with his mom and grandma and loves them. I mentioned this in Brave Enough for Everything but he's the only bodyguard who actually doesn't mind all the TV.

I also alluded to this in the fic, but Tankhun finds Arm's street clothes genuinely, painfully distressing. After they're together, they have a protracted battle about the degree to which Arm is willing to let Tankhun dress him, which results in Arm staying a lot more normcore than Tankhun would like but at least he's wearing some bright colors sometimes and his clothes fit him properly now.

Arm and Tankhun stayed up all night making the glitter-bomb robots from the finale. Tankhun thought his dad was dead and knew they were on the brink of war with the minor family, and Arm invented this Battle Craft basically on the fly to give him something to focus on and keep him from spiraling out.

Speaking of which — do you ever think about how in the finale, when Erika comes out with guns blazing, Arm and Tankhun are right there in the office behind her? They're in lockdown right behind that wall, listening to their friends and Tankhun's brother get shot at, watching on the CCTV. There's no universe where Arm isn't holding Tankhun tight for all of that.

I know there are more — I could talk about these good good boys all day — but this is getting long and those are the ones off the top of my head. What are your favorite ArmKhun headcanons?

[brynnterpretations]

hi! I saw you were doing ship requests for The Boys and just couldn’t help myself.

I am a mid-twenties bisexual woman. I have a degree in psychology and worked in therapy (specifically for PTSD in veterans and medical staff/first responder types) for a few years before transitioning to a marine mammal rehab and research non-profit. I have an avid love for reading, pop culture, and specifically movies. I am a huge fan of both well told stories and well made art, and I enjoy watching all sorts of movies to see both. Especially shitty action movies tbh. I also love to have a drink with friends and play games, as I am wildly competitive. Other likes include Dad Rock, dogs, and nature. Plus I love to bake.

Personality wise I would say I’m mildly stubborn, overtly loyal, and tend to be the extroverted glue that brings different friends together. I tend to be optimistic, despite having gone through Some Serious Shit™️ in my life. In fact, I would say the aforementioned shit has made me a kinder, empathetic person, but given I have lost a lot of people, I hold the people I have close, even when my gut tells me to push people away. I strive to be a good friend. I’m a hard worker, and as I consistently say to my friends, I can’t half-ass anything. If I’m gonna do something, im gonna do it all the way, which leans into the fact that I have a pretty dramatic flare.

This all feels wildly self indulgent and it’s so weird to describe yourself in a few paragraphs right? But I really appreciate you!!! Thank ya 💕💗

You sound like such an amazing person and, not to be dramatic, but the world is so lucky to have you. Thank you so much for the ship request and keep being awesome!

I ship you with...

Hughie Campbell ♡

Boyfriend

GIF Source: @yocalio ★ (link)

You and Hughie meet in a small local record store in Washington Park. Even in the age of iPhones and streaming, Hughie is a huge CD guy, and always makes sure to stop by vinyl and music stores to stock up on some of his favorites (and stare wistfully at the guitars, but that's another story).

When he spots you over by the section of your favorite band, Hughie is thrilled; he, too, is a huge dad rock connoisseur, and it's not often he finds someone as cute as you in the CD store. Usually it's just very strange old guys who give me mean looks. So, as Hughie does, he walks over to you and very, very awkwardly starts a conversation with you ("oh, you like [band name]? That's a great pick!" queue nervous laugh).

Surprisingly, his nervousness works on you, and you two end up exchanging numbers at the end of your exchange. Hughie's a painfully earnest guy and has not mastered the art of subtlety, so it doesn't really start with any smoothness. Instead, expect a lot of cat GIFs, smiley emoticons, and general millennialness (but make it cute, and make it Hughie).

After texting you and learning about the work you do, Hughie is smitten, and invites you out on a date to volunteer at an animal shelter, because who doesn't love puppies and conversation?

Would routinely invite you to more and more dates, and as he gets to know you even more and learns small bits and pieces of your past, he falls for you hard. We all know Hughie’s been through a lot, so he greatly admires people who have, too, yet don’t let it stop them from moving forward and making a positive impact on the world.

Isn't really someone who feels the need to move slow, but is very anxious, so would ask to be formally girlfriend-boyfriend by coming to your apartment or house with flowers and a lot of tripping over his words, because oh shit, what if you say no, he'd fine with still being friends but that would be super awkward—

However... the guy won you over, and when you say yes, expect the sweetest hug.

Hughie will always send you good morning and night texts, as well as random things throughout the day that makes him think of you, like a daschund puppy he saw on the street or a t-shirt with your favorite band's logo imprinted on it.

Expect a ton of cute dates, and expect them often. He's not a very sporadic person and values your time (he knows damn well you're busy), so he'll always schedule with you in advance.

And, while he loves his cute, casual dates, also loves to treat you — you deserve it — and tries to do a big one once a month. He's definitely a roses-and-candles sort of guy, and he won't let you forget it.

Hughie and you have a similar taste in movies, so he loves marathoning with you. You two always dominate any trivia nights at the bar close to you, and have become an infamous pair there.

He always sends you songs throughout the day, especially ones that remind him of you ("Rosanna" by Toto, "You're My Home" by Billy Joel, "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears", etc.) and you two have a joint Spotify playlist!

Loves being the little spoon with you, and loves cuddling in general. He's not a huge PDA person — he's pretty shy, and would kiss you or hold you in front of others at most — but once you two are alone together, will be all over you (in a cute way).

Hughie is endlessly in awe of you, from your work ethic to your personality, and when he senses you're having a tough day, is not shy about reminding you of it.

Also, he's definitely the type of guy to adopt a dog with his significant other, so once that anniversary comes (and it will)... expect a puppy.

Hughie would try to hide his work with The Boys from you, and when push comes to shove, would try to dissuade you from getting involved. However, he knows you're smart, capable, and doesn't want you to think that he's hiding anything from you, so he would (albeitly reluctantly) introduce you to the boys while still trying to keep them at a healthy distance from you for your own safety.

The Boys ☻

Friends

GIF Source: @peach-coke ★ (link)

Annie is your number one fan, and your best friend in the group, due to your personality and work ethic. It's extremely hard to come by someone like you in "The Boys" universe — someone who does so much good for the world, and in spite of how the world treats them, does their best to keep giving back to it positively — and would make a point to become friends with you ASAP.

She tends to rewatch the same movies, listen to the same songs, etc. — she's a creature of habit — so she loves asking for song recommendations and going out to movies with you. She also is a big Facetime person, and would call you every other night to catch up, whether she's taking off her makeup or coming off of a crappy patrol.

Additionally, once she starts the Starlight Foundation, she would immediately try recruiting you to work hands-on due to your experience.

M.M. adores you as well. While mostly a fan of oldschool hip hop and rap, he can get down to some dad rock (the guy could probably recite Led Zep's entire discography on the spot if you asked him), and whenever you wear any band tees, you get a nod of approval from him. He's a pretty busy, but would always take time to talk to you whenever you stop by.

Frenchie and Kimiko love you — they both think you're an absolute badass. Interactions with them would be pretty limited due to Hughie not wanting you to be put in any unnecessary danger, but they always hang out with you when you stop by, and Kimiko definitely invites you over to movie nights.

Those movie nights are very fun, and cute, by the way. She makes popcorn and sets up the hideout to be as comfy as possible. The girl loves ya.

Butcher has a lot of unresolved romantic feelings for you which he pushes down because A) our boy is not a homewrecker, and B) it's always hard for him to grapple with those sorts of close, intimate emotions. He likes you for the same reasons Annie does, and your caring, hardworking nature are the best qualities he's felt he can find in a person.

But, because of this... Butcher avoids you, to the point it seems borderline rude. The guy usually will at least throw one snarky remark at any newcomers, but he won't really give anything to you but a nod of acknowledgment.

To end things on a positive note, though: you and Hughie are the happiest, sweetest couple there is in NYC, and you've got some very, very good friends on your side.

[katyspersonal]

Damian and Mico cute headcanons 🙏

☁️ Damian would be 'fatherly' (or motherly? xd) partner for Mico, as he is somewhat older and is quite mature and more stable emotionally. Micolash could really find the most comfort in collected partner that could calm him down. Micolash can be an intense person! He had quite emotional problems, PTSD and nightmares even before the cosmic horrors, but Damian naturally would want to hold a person like this and tell them it will all be okay.

🐚 On the other hand, Damian's softness and caring attitude leaves him vulnerable for anxiety episodes. He has to watch all these darn kids go insane and is powerless to pull them back! But whereas Damian is very stoic person that is good at suppressing such feelings to be the "strong one" in any company, Micolash is a person he can open up about this vulnerable side to. Mico knows a lot about herbs and meds, and is able to make good tea, incense and other stuff to calm the nerves. So, he will take care of Damian, always able to identify when Damian is at his mental limit and not acting as his usual self. No one else is able to see past Damian's poker face like that! x)

☁️ They actually happen to share a lot of skills and knowledge. Both can cook well and love doing that, both love animals and can take care of them (sweet simpler times BEFORE Micolash would start switching heads of crows and dogs with one another ;-;), both have advanced medical skills, all that. Damian used to keep the vivarium at Byrgenwerth and using his biology knowledge to help with studying weird plantlife and fauna, but Micolash was a rare case when Damian had almost nothing to teach him...?

🐚 Them both being so similar in their life skills would make it not certain who does what chores, so they'd have to decide whose turn it is now through playing a game (from rock-paper-scissors to chess)! EXCEPT for cleaning. This one is always on Damian because Micolash is too lost in thoughts to watch his surroundings x)

☁️ Micolash would soon surpass Damian in his skills though, becoming way more advanced in both medicine and arcane. In my "official" timeline at some point the dynamic would slightly shift to Damian being more like a butler/bodyguard/assistant than a 'dad'! You might remember me depicting Damian helping Micolash to dress up for an event or kissing his hand. He is to Micolash what Yurie is to Rom, but he would not mind. In the 'nothing bad happened and everyone lives' or 'modern' AU, Damian would just straight up end in this role, taking care of Micolash's room, meals and schedule, whereas Micolash would be that wonky scientist type always too into his research to remember his basic needs.

🐚 Basically, they have potential for* both* very equal and supportive relationship and for more clearly distributed 'roles'. Which way it shifts just depends on how interested Micolash would be in healing and simple life pleasures, I bounce between two versions of this dynamic for this reason!

☁️ Perhaps not very 'cute' one, but Micolash would be rather possessive over Damian, feeling very uneasy if Damian gives a lot of attention to someone else. At least a couple of times, he pulled Damian away from someone that also needed his care and attention. This is usually the subject of their fights. Micolash becomes a LOT like a little baby when he gets jealous, just... straight up the vibe of a son of a single mother that will be upset if she tries to date someone because he wants her attention just to himself. Abandonment issues, man. I'd say although this is unhealthy, it is sort of... bittersweet reason for the fights? Sometimes Damian would manage to reassure Micolash that he is still the most loved person for him and he'd get to him as soon as he'd help that other friend/student/whatever. While waiting for Damian to be "all his" again, Micolash would become even more aloof than usual, spending the entire wait time making something nice for Damian (like a cake, a drawing, sewing him some cute shirt, etc). Not just for the sake of Damian, but for his own too, as that'd feel like connection while being separated.

🐚 They really love sea shells, both of them. If they could go to the beach properly, they'd collect a lot of them. And end up trashing their house with them, too, because none of them would have the heart to not hoard -_-" Collecting cool rocks is their second favourite thing. Basically, their 'dates' tend to be going on adventure somewhere to collect various wonders of nature! They legit need someone more reasonable to stop them and understand they do not need that much stuff hoarded xD

☁️ They have mismatched sleep schedules, like, very much so. So since there is a problem with going to bed at the same time, they read each other books before sleep! Damian will read him various stories, and Micolash would read him creepy ass scientifical research papers on experiments, surgery etc. Damian still sleeps like a baby tho because what matters is that Mico sounds genuinely excited and is sharing something he loves with him xD

_____________

Thank you for the ask!

[nicoline1998enilocin]

Yours, Forever | Chapter 8

PAIRING | Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

WORD COUNT | 2.7K

SUMMARY | Y/N has a hard time dealing with the attack, and is seeing a therapist. After months and months of hard work, she is finally able to get back into work, and face the Avengers again, showing everyone the progress she has made during het time away.

WARNING(S) | This is your official trigger warning. Do not proceed if any of these topics upset you. Mention of triggers after a traumatic event, swearing, flashback to past abusive relationship - physical, sexual, emotional and mental abuse mentioned, flashback to losing a parent due to suicide caused by depression, social anxiety, anxiety attack.

A/N | Hi everyone, thank you so much for reading my first ever fic! I would like to start off by saying that English isn’t my first language (I’m Dutch after all 😉) so every mistake you find – spelling or otherwise – is completely my own. I would appreciate you spreading the love about this fic, and I ofcourse hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Likes and reblogs will be very much appreciated 💜

Main Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Series masterlist | Chapter 7 | Chapter 9

It has been about three months since the incident with Bucky, and slowly but surely Y/N is easing back into work at the office, which is a lot more than she can handle at the moment. Every time she works from home there isn't a problem and the work load is perfectly okay, but the office still brings a lot of triggers with it. Even though she doesn't work as much as she used to, it is still a struggle to go there sometimes. Tony is always with her, and always close by, but knowing that she is still in the same building as her ex-boyfriend who hurt her brings back a lot of bad memories. She ran into Tony's office on more than one occasion because the pressure was too much to handle, and they went home immediately, but it hurt Tony to see her like this. It hurt him to see her struggle with her PTSD again, just like she did after everything Paul had done. He finally had his old Y/N back, but that asshole had to fuck her up once again. She didn't deserve this.

These triggers didn't go unnoticed by Y/N ofcourse, but she still tried to get over them by herself, just like last time. But this isn't the same as last time. Back then she wasn't hurt by someone she loved so much, someone she would pluck the moon and stars for if that's what he wanted. She was hurt by some piece of shit who couldn't keep his hands or his dick to himself, not by her soulmate. And that is exactly what made this a hundred times worse than anything Paul could have ever done to her. This time it got so bad, Tony tried to bring up the possibility of going to a therapist, so she could get the professional help she desperately needed. ''No one is going to judge you for talking to a therapist, honey. I see that it is becoming too much for you to handle on your own, and I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you. So please, I strongly advise you to go see a therapist, and get the help you need, for you, for me, for all of us. We all love you and want nothing but the best for you.'' and she decided to go.

In the beginning, therapy was incredibly hard, and she couldn't talk about what happened, because she was just crying, more than she ever thought would be possible. But after a few sessions, she became a little more comfortable with her therapist, and decided to open up about her first traumatic experience, losing her mom to suicide.

I was 13, when I lost my mom to suicide, but that wasn't her first attempt. She was struggling with depression for as long as I could remember. When I was a little kid, we used to play together a lot, and do all sorts of fun stuff, but over time that happened less and less, and she was taking less care of me, my dad and herself. She didn't bring me to school, didn't pick me up, at her deepest moments she didn't even get out of bed, because she just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what triggered her depression, but I know it was hard to see my mom like that, I won't ever forget how extremely helpless I felt.

Her first attempt was unsuccessful, when she swallowed a bunch of pills when I was around 8 or 9 years old. My dad found her in the bathroom and called 911, my neighbor got me and I had to stay there until my parents came back from the hospital. They said my mom wasn't feeling well, so she wouldn't be getting out of bed for a while. Later, I found out that it was just a side effect of the heavy anti-depressants she was on.

Her second, and last attempt, was indeed successful. For a few years, she seemed to be on the rise, but as you know you can't believe everything you see on the outside. She was struggling beyond belief, and on Christmas day, she couldn't take it anymore. She slit both her wrists and bled out in a bath tub, and it was my dad once again who found her. This time I was taken by my friends mom, and I was living there for a while. All my dad said was that my mom was in so much emotional and mental pain, that she couldn't take it anymore. She didn't see any other way out.

It felt good to Y/N to finally be able to tell her story, her story of losing her mom. The woman she loved so dearly, who she missed so much every single day. ''There isn't a day where I don't think about her, and how much she would have loved New York. It was her absolute favorite city in the world, and she always dreamt of going here one day.'' Y/N said. ''Everytime I walk by a flower shop and see a bouquet of lillies, I think of her and I see it as a sign that she's thinking of me, since her name was Lily.'' she said with a soft voice, tears streaming steadily down her face. ''I just wish she could see how far I've come in this life, moving to New York with my dad, becoming a successful lawyer, finding the love of my life, my god she would have loved him.'' she said, thinking of Bucky. The guy who ended up hurting her despite promising he wouldn't. But he was still the love of her life, and she couldn't deny that.

A few sessions later, she started talking about her second traumatic experience, the abusive relationship she entered when she met Paul.

At first, Paul seemed like a decent guy, nothing like the monster he ended up being. He was a true gentleman, both outside and inside the bedroom. My needs always came first, until they didn't. After 6 months, a switch flipped inside his head, and suddenly I was the bad guy in our relationship, and he ended up abusing me physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally.

I wasn't aloud to see anyone he didn't approve of beforehand, and if they were man he wouldn't approve at all. He made me break contact with my dad, with Tony, my best friend, and all other men in my life, no matter if they were colleagues, or anything like that. Whenever I went out of the house, he was there with me, controlling every single thing I do, or say. I felt like it wasn't worth it to live anymore, but at the time I thought I loved this man, so I would do anything to make him happy.

After 2 years in the relationship, I finally couldn't take it anymore, and decided to call Tony, my best friend, on a burner phone I got. It was the only way I could reach him, but I almost didn't make it out alive. Paul abused me so bad physically and sexually, that I couldn't move, had multiple broken bones and couldn't think straight anymore. Tony got me out of that house, and took me into his.

''For years after that, I barely let anyone get close to me. This is what made my anxiety even worse than after losing my mom, there were times I had such heavy anxiety attacks I couldn't breathe, and had to be hospitalized. This also caused me social anxiety to go through the roof, everywhere I went, I thought I saw Paul even though he is locked up for good.'' Y/N explained. She was very comfortable with her therapist now, and felt comfortable sharing these problems with him. ''But the latest reason I came to therapy, is the attack I endured a few months ago, when my ex-boyfriend attacked me.''

Bucky went on a mission to a HYDRA-base, even though Tony strongly suggested he should stay behind. No one knew better how they worked than him, was his reasoning. But he should have listened to Tony, because he got captured by them once again, but they were unable to turn him back into the Winter Soldier after he has been to Wakanda.

This brought up a lot of triggers for him, and when he came back, he wasn't the same person he was when he left Italy a few weeks earlier. He locked himself in his room, and I could hear him have these terrible night terrors that he has been struggling with, even more than before.

One night I was at his door again, wanting to help him, but I pushed him too far, and he attacked me by grabbing me by my throat with his vibranium hand, and he almost squeezed the life out of me. I was very fortunate that Tony and Steve heard what happened, because they saved me, otherwise I would not be sitting here right now.

''And the worst thing is, Bucky is still the love of my life, my soulmate, my other half. Even though he hurt me beyond belief, I still love him so much, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to hate him, I want to yell at him and be mad at him, but I can't because I love him. And that scares me the most, if I'm being honest.'' she finished.

~ 6 months later ~

Y/N has been going to therapy consistently for the last 6 months, and her therapist mentioned her huge improvements. If she wants, she could maybe try and see some of the Avengers again, once she is friends with, in order to work on her social anxiety. She starts of easy with meeting Steve and Lucas, who were stronger than ever as a couple, and they happily took Y/N under their wing to help her with this process. She was sitting in the kitchen with them eating some of her dads cupcakes and talking, when Bucky walked in and Y/N completely stiffened, her social anxiety getting the best of her. She immediately left the kitchen, but she couldn't prevent an anxiety attack, and collapsed in the middle of the hallway with long, hard sobs and a splitting headache. This was all still too much, and seeing him again triggered her attack again, one she hadn't had for close to 6 months now. All progress, down the drain.

After this attack, Bucky has decided to write Y/N a letter, telling her how he feels about this all, and what happened. He asked Steve to give it to her, and leave it up to her if she wanted to read it or not. He also included the necklace in the envelope as well, he had kept it safe all those months, but he had to give it back at some point. Once he had written everything he could before breaking down completely, he put it in a soft pink envelope with her name on the front, and he put the necklace in there in some tissue paper, to protect it. He asked Steve to give it to her, and he did.

''Y/N, I have something for you, but you don't have to open or read it if you don't want to.'' Steve said with the envelope in his hand. ''Buck asked me to give this to you, but there is no obligation for you to open it if you don't want to.'' and you took the envelope from his hand. She saw his handwriting and the corners of her lips slightly lifted, marking the beginning of the first smile in months. ''Will you stay with me? I would love to read it, actually.'' ''Anything for you.'' Steve said, and he sat down next her on her bed. She opened the envelope and saw something in white tissue paper, which she unwrapped first. ''My necklace, I thought it got broken that night!'' she exclaimed, clenching it in her hand when tears pricked behind her eyelashes. She safely stored it away in her jewellery box for now, until the day she would be ready to wear it again. She folded the letter open and read:

''Doll,

First I want to start off by saying how unbelievably sorry I am for what I have done to you, it was never my intention to hurt you, I love you so much and it kills me to know that I hurt you. I have night terrors because of it, and I can't blame anyone else but myself.

It kills me to see you flinch, or have an anxiety attack every time we see each other, and I wish I could take all the pain you went through away from you. I never want to see you hurt like that, because you don't deserve that. You deserve the world, the moon, the stars, you deserve someone who won't hurt you. Someone who will love you unconditionally, and who you can build a family with.

I still think about the conversations we had about our dream lives, how you would love to get married one day on a tropical island, have three kids and a big beautiful house with some pets to finish it all off. And I wish you all of that, and more, but I mostly wish I could be the one to give you just that. I fucked up my chance at this life with you and I cannot express how sorry I am, but I will try and make it up to you every single day if you let me.

I want you to be mine, and I promise to be yours, forever.

~ J.B.B.

Y/N has read the letter countless times since then, and some of the ink has been splotched from where the tears have fallen onto it, making some parts unreadable now. But she has read it so many times, she knows it by heart, and deep down she knows she has forgiven him for what he did, but she wasn't ready to let anyone know that yet. She was still not far enough in her healing process to fully accept that. Her social anxiety is still as prominent as ever, and even though she doesn't run away from him when he walks into the same room anymore, she also doesn't actively seek out any contact with him. She knows she isn't ready for that yet.

However, today she is finally ready to wear her necklace again, as a sign towards Bucky and everyone else that she is slowly starting to be okay with it. That the therapy is helping her. She has a meeting with everyone again, and she even put on a little bit of a lower cut shirt, so she could show off her necklace again after wearing high neck shirts for the last months. ''Are you ready to go back in, honey? You know they all love you unconditionally right? Even when you aren't ready to face every one yet?'' Tony asked, as they were the last ones to walk into the conference room. ''I'm ready.'' she said with a new found confidence, and when she walked in with her head held high, she could feel the love in the air with all the Avengers. When she walked past Bucky she put her hand on his shoulder for a second before moving on, giving him a sign that she is doing better.

When she reached her place in the front of the meeting room, Steve whispered ''Looking good, Y/N. I'm glad to see you're wearing your necklace again.'' and she's glad Steve said that, giving her even more of a confidence boost. ''Allright everyone, before this meeting starts, I would like to say that - with a lot of thanks to my therapist - I will be returning to work in the office for 3 days a week, so you will be sure to see me around more often now. I missed you all so much, and I am happy to see all your faces again. And Nick, thank you for giving me the opportunity to do this, it means a lot.'' she said with a smile towards Fury. When she looked up she saw Bucky looking at her necklace, and a small smile appeared on his face. 'Maybe there was a light at the end of this tunnel after all' he thinks to himself.

[themculibrary]

Completed Chaptered Fics Masterlist 2

part one

A Higher Epsilon (ao3) - deadto27 steve/bucky E, 91k

Summary: Bucky has always wanted a dog. Now finally he has one and it’s everything he wanted and more. It opens up his life in ways he never expected. He especially didn’t expect to meet Steve at the dog park. He didn’t expect they’d become friends. He really didn’t expect that they’d be dating. Unfortunately nobody’s clued Bucky in to that last part.

-----

He feels frozen in panic. It’s their second day together and he’s lost her. He’s lost his dog.

He’s spiralling until suddenly there’s a little yip noise and Bucky snaps his head up to see his dog in front of him, in the arms of someone else.

“Ohmygod,” he hisses out in pure relief, breathing hard. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so relieved in all his life.

“Is this your dog?” the owner of the arms asks.

A Higher Form of War (ao3) - sabrecmc steve/tony M, 292k

Summary: Tony is a King with a surprising number of people out to kill him. Steve and the rest of the Avengers are fighting for Pierce's rebellion and end up with Tony as their prisoner. Oops.

Basically one of those bodice-ripping romance novels I don't read (ahem) but with far more gay.

Captivated (ao3) - missbecky steve/tony M, 281k

Summary: When Tony sustains a life-threatening injury, Steve takes him to a world where magic can heal any wound. But their happy ending swiftly becomes a nightmare when slavers attack, and Tony is captured and taken away. After months apart, they are finally reunited, but the quest to save Tony is only just beginning.

Deep in the Heart of Me (ao3) - Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar) steve/tony, bucky/clint M, 244k

Summary: Veteran single dad Steve runs a tattoo shop. Pepper arranges for Tony to get that tattoo he always wanted, and he winds up with the mother of all crushes instead. Jumping out of airplanes is one thing, but love requires real courage. Steve struggles with letting someone into his life. Tony tries to keep his heart intact while Steve works on his issues.

Craving a realistic depiction of a romantic relationship featuring PTSD, mental health issues, and characters who discuss their problems? This might be for you. No magic fixes here but a happy ending is guaranteed!

Don't Look Down (ao3) - NamelesslyNightlock loki/tony M, 256k

Summary: When forced to decide between the lives of Tony Stark and Iron Man, Steve Rogers chose wrong.

Tony is left to deal with the consequences, but it’s not like he’s helpless, and he certainly isn’t alone.

Friday Night Lights (ao3) - beezyland steve/natasha T, 276k

Summary: Coming off a heartbreaking loss their previous season, the Lieber High Avengers, led by ex-military first year head coach Nick Fury, need all the help they can get when the next football season brings teenage drama and heartbreaking injuries.

AKA A Friday Night Lights AU where Natasha is the coach’s daughter and Steve is big enough to be a linebacker, but only wants to play quarterback, a position secured by Bucky, his football machine of a best friend destined to play college ball. Well, at least, before the accident.

If You Had This Time Again (ao3) - dls loki/tony T, 268k

Summary: Tony Stark closed his eyes in a wrecked Siberian bunker and woke up on a demolished New York street. Four years earlier.

in time of daffodils (ao3) - imposterhuman bucky/tony G, 49k

Summary: Tony Stark, Prince of Spring, knew that he was being married off to the Winter King. He knew he'd hate it, he was prepared to hate it.

What he wasn't prepared for was the Winter King himself.

Las Vegas (ao3) - elcapitan_rogers steve/natasha M, 219k

Summary: Steve was freaking out over his own wedding and the gang decided to take him to Las Vegas to unwind him.

Of Wizards and Heroes (ao3) - storyforsomeone T, 85k

Summary: Centuries after that fatal day of the battle of Hogwarts, Harry Potter has fallen into legend, a bedtime story parents tell their children, a name whispered around campfires. He wanders the world alone and immortal, until one single reckless moment sends him hurtling into a parallel dimension of heroes and villains. A new enemy arises from an ancient power, and Harry must take a stand as the last wizard to protect this new world. If only SHIELD would stop trying to track him down...and someone could explain what the hell was an 'Avenger' was supposed to be. Honestly, muggles...

Pirate's Heart (ao3) - NotEvenCloseToStraight bucky/steve/tony E, 267k

Summary: The 1700s, the Golden Age of Piracy, and Captain Steve Rogers has all he wants: a ship, a loyal crew, Bucky at his side, and the horizon offering a new adventure everyday. But an impulsive kiss gone wrong leads to a marriage between Steve and Tony Stark, and now Steve doesn't know what to do about ANYTHING. Steve loves Bucky, but something about Tony draws him in. Tony is too innocent for this life, but he picks up a sword anyway. Bucky is Steve's, but when he offers his hand to Tony and now the three of them are something new. When the truth about Steve's mission to ruin the Stark name comes out, Tony runs away, leaving Steve and Bucky behind in search of answers to the secrets hidden from him his whole life-- about his company, about Uncle Obie, about his parents death.

Steve and Bucky cant abandon their mission against Stane and Tony cant deal with the answers he finds in New York. Is this the end? Is Tony gone forever? Or will he leave his old life and return to the sea and the Pirates that hold his heart?

Pretend We're In Love (The Heartache Still Hurts) (ao3) - InsaneJuliann rhodey/tony T, 51k

Summary: Rhodey's dad is dying, and what he's always wanted is for Rhodey to be happily married. Tony and Rhodey were best friends, and haven't spoken in years. But after a chance meeting at the airport, and a desperate, insane idea on Rhodey's part, they end up pretending to be engaged.

But how much of it is really pretend?

Rock Me Gently (ao3) - enigma731, invisibledaemon gamora/peter M, 479k

Summary: “She is our–She is Gamora,” Nebula says. “There is only one Gamora and I know her better than any of you do.” She pauses and glares at Peter, clearly challenging him to protest that. For once, he doesn’t dare. “This Gamora has jumped forward in time nine years, but she is the same person at her core. Just as you are the same despite not having experienced the last five years I did. We are all just–out of sync at the moment.”

Show Me What I'm Looking For (ao3) - JamieB93 mj/peter, pepper/tony M, 381k

Summary: Peter Parker has spent the last year struggling to believe he has finally found a place he belongs. He has come a long way and whilst there is still a way to go, Peter begins to blossom and open himself up to the world. Which brings with it all the usual teenage dramas.

A touch damaged and more than a little rough around the edges, Peter is very often his own worst enemy. Still plagued by the scars of a traumatic past and newer challenges - it seems Peter's happy ending might not be so easily in reach.

Such Sweet Revenge (ao3) - ali_aliska bucky/tony M, 167k

Summary: When the Rogues are back in the States after being pardoned, the New Avengers want nothing to do with them and as far as Tony is concerned, if he never speaks to them again, it'll be too soon. After all, he didn't spend the last year putting himself (and his family) back together only for his former co-workers to ruin all of his hard work.

But then he gets a hand-written letter from the Winter Soldier himself, apologizing for the events that transpired and an off-handed comment from Rhodey about Rogers failing to take care of an obviously miserable Bucky Barnes sets in motion Tony's new, oh-so-evil plan to get some payback.

After all, what better revenge than to steal the Winter Soldier away from his best friend?

The only problem: Tony sucks at being vengeful, but apparently he's an expert at inadvertently falling in love.

The Guardian (ao3) - Emily_F6 pepper/tony T, 234k

Summary: Guardian: a person who guards, protects, or preserves.

When a terrible accident claims the life of May Parker, Tony Stark steps up as Peter's guaridan. But it's not just a traumatized super-teen he'll have to worry about when he recieves a transmission from Thor.

The Way It Ends (ao3) - LadyJaye pepper/rhodey/tony M, 68k

Summary: What if Barnes had overpowered Tony in Berlin?

Until It Sleeps (ao3) - frickss75 steve/bucky M, 407k

Summary: Steve finally has Bucky back in Brooklyn with him, but he is finding out that his issues are deeper than he thought. His PTSD manifestsin many ways, including some very bizarre sleep behavoir. And Bucky is fighting internally with constantly returning memories and some deep seated fears about himself. Steve loves Bucky no matter what and is determined to prove it to him however he can.

whatever souls are made of (ao3) - atypicalsnowman tony/stephen M, 320k

Summary: Soul bonding canon divergence. Fourteen million futures and Stephen saw just one where they win. Tony has to soul bond to a virtual stranger whereas Stephen... Stephen is in love.

This is a story of how two broken men became friends, then family, then fell in love.

And saved the universe.

What Was Lost (ao3) - LadyJaye rhodey/tony/stephen E, 24k

Summary: Steve returns home hoping to pick up where he left off with Omega Tony and Alpha Rhodey. Easier said than done.