#and as much as you wanna delude yourself into thinking you actually do care trust me as someone who has actual delusions. you don't | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kohakuarisaka · 4 years ago

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Trial By Fire (chapter 1 of 2)

Takami Keigo x (fem!)Reader

[ SUMMARY ] Hawks stopped by your apartment, asking for a patch up, and then asked for so much more.

[ WARNINGS ] R18+ for graphic sexual content and language. Role reversal: Keigo is a villain and Touya is a hero. Liberties were taken with Hawks’ quirk and is non-canon compliant. This fic is not nice to Touya. Reader and Hawks smoke. Reader has a quirk. Reader is a female with descriptive female genitalia. This fic contains graphic sexual content, including penis in vagina sex, oral sex, spanking, dirty talk, biting, degradation, and knotting. Consensual ♥

Keigo’s appearance in this fic was inspired by this lovely art piece!

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

[ My BNHA Fanfic Masterlist ] ~ [ Also on my AO3 ]

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You hadn't heard him approach, not his footsteps, nor the flutter of his wings. It was a little windy tonight; but, that wasn't why you hadn't heard him. He was just that good at sneaking around, or maybe you were just that lost in thought.

Suddenly, the cigarette in your hand was plucked out of your grasp. You followed the burning bud and watched a calloused hand bring it to a pair of soft lips that weren't yours.

He took a drag, looking at you innocently, before huffing the smoke out through his nostrils.

Sometimes, you really hated how weak you were for him. Even when he deserved it, you couldn't bring yourself to get mad at him. Maybe, it was his stupid beautiful face, or his mismatched eyes, or those wondrous crimson feathers.

"What are you doing, pretty bird?" you scolded him softly, reaching out to take your cigarette back.

Hawks let you, and some deluded part of your mind told you it tasted better after his mouth had touched it. Still, you turned away from him, finding it difficult to think properly when he was staring at you like that, his gaze soft and his lips quirked into a faint smirk.

In the distance, a car was honking obnoxiously. You peered down at the streets below and watched the traffic lights change colors.

"Was hoping you'd patch me up?" he asked, perhaps a little too sweetly. "Or is Touya gonna find out and arrest my ass?"

You sighed and gave him a dirty look in the corner of your eye. "No. It's over between us. He isn't gonna be comin' around," you retorted, a little venomously.

"Ohh," he whistled. "What happened? Must'a been bad. You were always so far up his ass."

"Get stuffed," you spat back at him.

He laughed in response to that. It was a little louder than expected, and you could see his shoulders trembling in the corner of your eye. Hawks leaned against the railing next you, matching your posture.

Before he could take it again, you remove your cigarette from your lips and brought it to his. He snatched it from your grasp with his mouth and took a careful drag before lifting his hand to pull it away. You watched the smoke drain from his mouth before looking away again.

"You wanna talk about it?" Hawks offered. Strangely, he sounded sincere.

"As much as I wanna get fisted by sandpaper," you replied hoarsely.

"Shit," he grumbled.

You let out a loud sigh. "There's nothing to talk about. I just couldn't take it anymore," you explained.

In the corner of your eye, you could see Hawks staring at you as if he was trying to decrypt your words or decipher your expression. You avoided his stare for just a little bit longer before finally giving in and turning to face him.

When you looked at him, he returned your cigarette to your lips, or tried to anyway, but you took it with your hand. It was almost burnt out, but had enough left for one more drag, which you took slowly.

"You're hurt?" you asked him softly before turning around to burry your burnt up cigarette in the nearby ash tray.

"Not too bad. I'll fuck right off if you want me to," Hawks replied.

Sometimes, you didn't really think his superpower was his feathers, but just how he managed to always show up at the perfect time. Maybe, someone to talk to was what you needed, even if you told yourself you didn't.

Ending things with Touya was exactly what had to be done to try to get back on track with your pitiful life; but, that didn't mean that everything would be magically okay again, that wounds would just heal and every trace of him would be gone forever.

But, you weren't childish enough to think that anyone could save you from that. No, you had to save yourself.

"Come on, pretty bird," you tossed over your shoulder.

Hawks hated when anyone called him that, except you. Maybe because anyone who called him that did so to put him down, to emasculate him. But, you called him that because you actually meant it. He was so, so pretty. Or, maybe, he just had a soft spot for the girl he used to bum cigarettes off of.

The winged villain followed you down the stairwell to your room. He made a grumbly cooing sound, like a hum in chest, when he stepped inside.

"Place looks great."

It had been quite a shithole the last time he was here. You scrubbed the walls and floors, replaced most of the furniture, gutted out the shitty kitchen cabinets and replaced them. It did look great.

"Thanks," you hummed, pushing at his shoulders until he obeyed and plopped down on the couch.

You sat down next to him and didn't bother asking what was wrong, but just began sliding your hands down the arm of his leather jacket, pushing it up to his elbow to expose his forearm.

You worked your hands over his skin, using your quirk to navigate his nervous system. Your eyes went glossy and distant as you did so, staring at him without actually looking at him. Hawks was patient, watching you work.

"You broke some ribs," you observed quietly. "The gash on your back isn't infected, but your blood cell count is low. You have a cavity forming, too, you manchild."

Hawks burst out laughing. "Do I need to call a dentist?"

"No," you laughed softly. "I'll take care of it." You let go of his arm and looked up at him, head tilting slightly. "Mind if I go by your neck? It's easier closer to the spine."

"Sure. I like choking," he teased.

"Tch," you grimaced at him. "Shut up."

He laughed softly in response to that. Despite his teasing, you still shimmied in closer and reached up, sliding your hands one either side of his neck. His skin was soft. Even the healed burn marks were soft.

Your eyes went glossy again as you focused on the task at hand. Hawks made a low, grumbling hiss as you pulled the injuries from his body, focusing first on his broken ribs.

It hurt like a fucking bitch, feeling each one crack back into proper place. Where your hands touched him was cold as ice; but, it was just an illusion, a side effect of your quirk, a sensation without the actual stimulation.

The wound on his back followed, muscles and skin tissue forming back over into proper place. That didn't hurt as bad, and felt more like a dull ache in comparison. You took care of his cavity, too, which he noticed like a stab in the mouth.

You were done, and Hawks knew you were done. The icy cold touch of your hands had subsided, and the warmth of your skin returned. Still, you didn't let go right away. Your vision returned and you peered up at him, and he looked down at you just the same.

The left side of Hawks face was covered in a scar, a healed burn. It started at the center of his forehead, traveled across the bridge of his nose, took most of his cheek, but just barely missed his lips.

The burn continued down his jaw, onto his shoulder. You had seen him shirtless before, and knew it extended down his chest, ending somewhere at his waist.

Along with that burn, his left eye had been blanched, now pale white instead of the golden, sunlight hue of the one on right. He could still see out of it, just not as well as the undamaged one.

Still, despite all that, he was so, so-

-beautiful.

"All done," you sighed, letting go of him and standing up, turning away from him maybe a little quickly.

"Thanks," he grunted, watching you rise to your feet.

He reached for you; but, you had already stepped too far away and eluded his touch. It wasn't intentional. Your back was turned and you didn't even see it. Yet, your sudden retreat made him feel an unpleasant ache in his chest, and another, very different sort of ache somewhere else.

"It's gettin' kind'a late, so-" you started, heading for the hallway that connected to your bedroom.

Hawks was fast, dangerously so, and was suddenly right beside you. His wing jutted out and smacked into the wall, blocking your path. Your eyes shifted to his, not entirely surprised by his actions. Maybe you should have been. But, he was the kind who liked attention, especially from you.

"Are you alright?" he asked, crossing his arms loosely over his chest.

"No," you deadpanned. "There's a birdman loitering in my house."

That seemed to calm him a little, for he pulled his wing back, lips twitching into a faint smile. However, he replaced his wing with his body, blocking you from continuing down the hall.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around lately," he began, surprising you a little with the sincerity in his tone.

"I get it," you answered immediately, with just a bit of bite.

Life led people down different paths. Touya was following in the footsteps of his dear father to become a great hero. Hawks ended up joining a league of supervillains and was wanted for murder, amongst other things.

-and you worked a 9 to 5.

Maybe, facing down one of Japan's most wanted villains should have been frightening. Being trapped with him in your apartment probably also should have been frightening.

He was a dangerous criminal and on a power level than most could never even dream of. But, you trusted Hawks more than you trusted most people... most heroes.

By the look on his face, there was something he wanted to say; but, it didn't come out.

"What's with the constipated look?" you blurted.

The compressed look on his face softened and Hawks threw his head back, letting out rolling laughter. His hands clutched his tummy and his shoulders trembled. Maybe, that was your real power: making him laugh like that, to the point tears gathered in the corners of his eyes.

"I missed you," he stated plainly when he finally stopped laughing.

"Y-yeah, me too, pretty bird," you replied softly, tearing your gaze away from him.

"I hate when you call me that," he murmured.

Hawks stepped towards you and you reeled back. His wings came up on either side of you, forcing you to duck back and hit the wall to avoid him. The bright red plumes towered on either side, caging you in, trapping you with him.

Yet, you weren't scared or perturbed. Hawks liked to play, after all. Even when you were kids, he would fly after you and tackle you to the ground, laughing about what terrible prey you were, always so easily caught.

"No, you don't," you retorted gently.

There was still some distance between you, just enough that you'd have to extend your arm to reach him. His wingspan was massive and the soft, red quills were like curtains caging you in, absolutely gorgeous.

"I'm not good at this sort'a thing," Hawks began, murmuring softly into the darkness of the hallway. His face was cast in shadows, but his eyes were bright, pale white and sun kissed gold.

"Formalities and playin' nice," he added on, a little hoarsely.

You knew where this was going.

"You want Touya's sloppy seconds?" you asked him lowly.

Immediately, it was clear that he didn't like what you said. His eyes narrowed and he stepped in closer.

Hawks might have only been a couple inches taller than you and while he certainly was muscular, he wasn't a hulking beast. Still, he managed to make you feel so small.

His hand landed on the wall behind you with a smack, and it startled you a little.

"Don't fucking say things like that," he snarled.

You gawked up at him, surprised that something like that would upset him.

"You're more than that - a lot fucking more," he added on lowly.

It was only then that you realized he wasn't just mad, he was hurt. He had been your closest friend since you were 13, back when you were stealing cigarettes from upper classmen and sneaking into R-rated movies.

-and he had to watch Touya have you.

"What do you want from me?" you asked him, voice low, a harsh whisper, and it shuddered out of you.

"Everything," Hawks replied in a harsh whisper.

You couldn't help but lick your lips at that proposition.

He stepped in closer, sliding his forearms against the wall on either side of your head. The closeness forced you to crane your head back to look up at him.

"You want me, too," he commented lowly, peering down at you like a hawk circling above an unsuspecting prey.

"I let you in here because I care about you. Don't be so arrogant," you scolded him softly, lacking any real authority to your tone.

"Then, tell me to fuck off," Hawks challenged you.

You stared up at him, lips unmoving. His feathers picked up the faint change in your breathing pattern, just the slightest bit of acceleration. Even if you didn't say it, your body gave it away: this was exciting you.

He was one of the most powerful villains in Japan; but, you were his greatest weakness. He'd do anything you asked, deliver the world to you if it was what you wanted.

"You want this," Hawks murmured darkly, as if he had just made some grand discovery.

His eyes flickered down from your face to below, signaling what he was talking about.

He was hovering with just enough space between you that you could tilt your head down to investigate his claim and take a glance at the tent he was pitching, pressing against the zipper on his black cargo pants.

When your eyes moved up and caught his gaze, you felt hypnotized by the dark stare he had focused on you.

Hawks didn't look expectant or desperate. He looked hungry, yes, but there was some hope to that stare, maybe even the faintest bit of sorrow in those mismatched eyes.

He didn't want to be rejected by you. But, he didn't want you if you didn't want him back.

There probably should have been a little voice in the back of your head telling you not to do this. There had to be some sort of negative repercussion, right?

But, all you could hear was the rattle of the heater in the other room and the shuffling of your neighbors in the room above.

Normally, your thoughts ran rampant with worries, negativities and fears. All had been silent since Hawks arrived. He just had that sort of effect on you, clearing your thoughts with nothing but his presence.

Expectantly, you tilted your head back and parted your lips slightly. Hawks leaned in, following the temptation you presented him with.

Maybe, it would have been wisest to remain as just friends. Even if you tried to tell yourself otherwise, this would change that forever: a door would open that could never be closed.

But, you weren't kids anymore.

"If I kiss you, I won't be able to stop," he promised, or threatened, warm breath fanning over your cheeks.

He smelt like the cigarette he stole from you earlier. It made you all the more eager to taste him.

"Last chance," he added, voice low and hoarse.

"What happens if I say yes?" you dared to ask, eyes peering up at him almost innocently.

You watched Hawks' throat bob. "What happens if you say yes..." he parroted lowly.

The predatory gaze he gave you reminded you that he was a bird of prey and you might as well have been a mouse.

"I'm gonna fuck you like no one ever has before," he began, the words falling from his mouth in a sultry whisper. "Stuff you stupid with my cock, cum so deep inside you that you feel me for days. My name will be the only god-damned thing you remember when I'm done with you."

Oh.

"Promise?" you whispered hoarsely, leaning up a little to try and reach his lips.

You must have been making quite the lewd expression, for Hawks' eyes pinched with amusement.

Hawks tilted his head down. "Promise," he agreed in a whisper, breathed against your lips.

This must have been what it felt like for a spark to meet gunpowder.

Something as simple as a kiss had sent a powerful shockwave down your spine. Your skin prickled all over, flushed with a sudden need to be touched. Your heart began thundering away in your chest and you unconsciously released a very pathetic little sound.

His feathers picked up the rage of your heartbeat and he couldn't resist a shudder, aroused at the excitement he had give you with just the press of his lips.

In a split second, he had his body pressing against yours, flush from shoulder to thigh, pinning you to the wall. Your hands weaved through his hair, pulling him down to crush your mouths together.

It was probably the sloppiest kiss you ever had: a little violent, crushing, and wet. But, nothing could even compare to what this felt like, the taste of him mingled with tobacco, to the way it made you feel like you could melt.

His hands grabbed at your thighs and hoisted you up off the ground. He slammed your back roughly against the wall, cores pinned tightly together, and perched your legs on either side of his waist.

"You feel that?" Hawks breathed, lips touching the shell of your ear.

It was clear what he was referring to: his clothed erection rutting shamelessly against your clothed cunt.

"Every time I see you take a drag, I get fucking hard," he confessed, pulling back to chuckle a little. "Maybe that's why I always stole 'em: fucking jealous."

Before you could get a word out, his head dipped down and took your mouth again. Your hands dragged down his back, clawing at his jacket, threatening to venture further.

Hawks pulled back violently, bumping his forehead against yours to force your gaze to meet his.

"You touch my wings and you're gonna get something you can't fucking handle," he threatened, the words rumbling out of his chest like gravel in a cement mixer.

You looked back with a drunk expression, partially frightened by his threat and partially curious to what that entailed. It resulted in a ridiculously lewd expression on your face.

"All I've done is kiss you, and you already look like that," he observed with intrigue, chuckling softly.

"All I've done is smoke, and you're hard," you retorted sharply, leaning in to bite at his bottom lip.

He hummed, amused at your teasing; that sound, however, died out when you dipped your hands down into his shoulder blades and slid up, brushing the baby feathers that jutted out of his skin.

Hawks let out an almost inhuman sound, head tilting back and moaning, eyes fluttering shut, as his entire body vibrated against you. You stopped, hands shifting away from his feathers, surprised by his reaction.

Immediately, his head fell forward and he settled a frightening glare on you. The growl that emanated from within his chest sent a violent tremor down your spine.

"Oooohhh," he cooed hoarsely, the sound rumbling through his throat. "You don't want me to be nice, do ya'?"

The question went unanswered, for Hawks rolled his hips, pressing your clothed sexes together. Your hands flew up, grabbing at his wings again, fingers tangling in the feathers for purchase.

The friction was nice; but, it wasn't good enough, and Hawks seemed to have that same thought process, for he removed you from the wall and carried you to the bedroom.

He tossed you down on the bed like you were a toy and watched your body bounce a little with an amused look on his face.

You shrieked when red plumes departed his wingspan and swarmed your body. They surrounded you in a wispy tornado before descending, tracing your skin softly and pushing under the hem of your clothes with purpose.

The brief moment of fear washed away when they carefully, albeit swiftly, worked your clothes off. Your arms were forced above your head so your shirt could be discarded while other feathers peeled your pants and underwear down your legs.

Hawks watched, standing at the bedside with a starving expression as his crimson feathers exposed you for him. You didn't take yourself for the shy type, but something about the whole thing had your skin prickled with embarrassment.

Once they were done, his feathers retreated, returning to his wingspan like good little soldiers. Hawks approached, sliding his knees onto the edge of the bed.

Before he could arch over you, your foot flung up and you flattened it against his chest, pushing in protest.

"You, too," you tried to demand. Unfortunately, it came out breathless and desperate.

Hawks eyes shifted from your heated gaze, trailing down to shamelessly take in the sight of your sex, now exposed due to the position of your leg. Instinctively, you wanted to close your legs at that predatory stare. But, somehow, you found the strength to resist.

He hummed and stood back, returning to his feet. You leaned up to watch him work his jacket and shirt off, wings shuddering to peel the fabric away before dropping the materials carelessly to the floor.

He seemed caught off guard by your sudden advance as you got up on your knees at the bedside to reach for him. Your hands landed on his pectorals, shamelessly squeezing at his muscles before drifting down, fingers gently digging into his abs as you traced the outlines.

"Are you having fun?" he laughed.

You were about to answer, but he suddenly grabbed your wrists and brought your hands down to his belt. He didn't have to demand anything, you started working at the buckle, eagerly working the clasp open and undoing his pants.

His mouth opened, likely to spew teasing words. Whatever was going to come out failed him when you suddenly palmed his erection over the fabric of his boxers.

"F-fuck," he groaned, leaning into you suddenly as if he was going to fall over. "Damn brat," he added on in a snarl.

"Are you touch starved, pretty bird?" you murmured, tilting your head to nibble at his jawline.

The red that tinted his the tops of his ears failed to hide the truth from you. It had been a little while, just long enough to make him hungry for it.

Suddenly, he pushed you down on the bed. You flung over with a startled yelp and felt his hands pry your legs apart, fingers digging into the meat of your thighs.

He flung your legs up over his shoulders, careless that your feet knocked against his wings, and buried his face between your thighs.

"AH!" you cried out, startled by the sudden sensation of his textured tongue lapping along your slit.

Normally, when someone ate you out, there was some finesse to it, tongue tracing delicately, some soft kisses, just barely lapping at your slit as if you were a dainty little flower.

Not with Hawks. He was smearing his tongue all over the place, lapping at your slippery folds as if he was starving and this was the only meal he'd had in weeks.

You didn't mean to, but in the process of grounding your heels against his back, your toes curled and touched his feathers. You felt his wings flap once and his back muscles tremble.

He leaned back and peered down your body, taking in the look of your aroused expression with a pleased sigh. You felt delirious, wearing a lost look on your face, and he looked damn proud with your wetness smeared across his cheeks.

"Hawks-" you squeaked.

"A meal fit for a king," he praised you in a hoarse voice, tilting his head back down to continue where he left off.

Trying to get on some equal grounds, you twisted your foot and poked at his feathers with your toes. His shoulders twitched, so you continued, digging in as best you could considering the awkward positioning.

Hawks moaned at the touch, the sound vibrating against the folds of your sex. He probably would have scolded you if his mouth wasn't preoccupied. Instead, he pushed back on your thighs, forcing your legs a little higher, until you couldn't reach his wings anymore.

He fucked you with his tongue, mouth suctioned around your opening and slurping lewdly. It was a strange sensation you weren't quite used to, but it felt amazing.

It was clear that he wasn't doing it out of obligation. He did it because he fucking wanted to, and he was thoroughly enjoying himself. When he needed a break from your core, he lapped his tongue up your folds, smearing wetness all over the place.

He purposely avoided your pearl until he was confident it was throbbing, the tiny bud forced on display with lewd the way he held your legs apart.

You practically screamed when his tongue finally touched it, hands pulling at the bedsheets beneath you and making a mess, pillows and blankets going askew.

Hawks groaned, mainly because the sound made his cock throb painfully in his pants. He ignored that ache and focused on lapping at your little button, not relenting, even when you were trembling and sobbing.

At the risk of your feet getting touchy again, Hawks dropped one of your legs, needing a free hand to bring you to peak ecstasy. He hardly had to force the calloused digits inside. Your squishy walls took him in eagerly.

"Fuck, Hawks," you sobbed, struggling to remain still.

He leaned back, just enough to get some words out. "Come for me," he uttered hoarsely.

You whimpered at the command, head falling back into the sheets. He had been getting you there before he even said anything, even when it was just his tongue. But, now, with his thick fingers drilling into you and voice making such demands, you felt it approaching like a speeding truck.

"I said fucking come," he added on with a demanding, low growl. "Come on my fucking face. I wanna taste it."

He growled into your sex, loud and rumbling like thunder while his wings flapped once, knocking some things off your walls. The loud noise was a little startling, but didn't break the spell.

He kept up the pace with his fingers, even when the slippery mess of your slick dribbled down his knuckles, and his tongue returned to your pearl, lapping at it roughly.

Your orgasm started in a small wave, rolling over you once, twice, before crashing down and forcing a bizarre concoction of moans, sobs, and whimpers to pour from your lips.

Hawks was unwavering, tongue and fingers working you over expertly through the whole thing, until you sagged on the sheets and stopped whining.

He pulled back and stood up, setting your legs down on the bed. You looked up at him dizzily, and watched him lick his fingers and knuckles clean as if he had spilt some treat on them.

It was such a shamelessly erotic display and left you trembling.

When he was done, he dragged his palm down his chin, wiping your essence away. He caught you staring, of course, and quirked his lips into a prideful smirk.

"Nothing smart to say?" he uttered teasingly. "'Thank you, Hawks'?" he suggested with a warm chuckle.

He had pulled his wings back in; but, there was no way to miss that he was holding them up just a little bit higher than normal. If you weren't so blissed out and eager for more, you probably would have laughed at such a blatant display of dominance.

He was still in the state you had left him in, pants hanging limply around his waist, erection pressing eagerly against his boxers, belt undone and dangling at his thigh.

Hawks lifted his dominant hand and wagged his index and middle finger, beckoning for you to approach. After that mind numbing orgasm, you didn't dare refuse and shimmied over to the edge of the bed.

"I deserve a reward for that, don't you think?" he suggested, that predatory expression taking over his face again as he looked down at you.

"Say 'please'," you challenged him softly, looking up through your eyelashes.

"Hmmm," rumbled out of his throat. He sounded amused, maybe even a little impressed.

You expected something snarky when he opened his mouth. Surprisingly, he uttered a sultry, "please."

You didn't plan on denying him even if he disobeyed; but, after hearing that, there was no way in hell you would dare refuse.

Your hands pushed his pants down his thighs, simultaneously leaning in to mouth at his clothed erection.

Hawks drew in air sharply, like a low hiss, before drawling out, "fuckin' tease."

In all fairness, he hadn't held out on his services for very long; so, you pushed at him, until he relented and let you turn him around. His butt hit the edge of the bed as you settled on your knees on the floor, between his thighs.

You were supposed to be ridding him of his clothes. However, in the desperation to see what he was hiding, you simply pulled his boxers down, until his cock sprang free.

Staring at it like an idiot would have probably pleased his ego; but, you opted to wrap your lips around the tip and take him in your mouth promptly. You went down just a little too eagerly, and nearly choked; but, it was worth it to hear the strangled sound he made.

"F-" he hissed through clenched fangs, "-uuuck."

You stroked what your mouth couldn't fit, starting off sloppily to get him slicked up well enough to make the glide easier. Your eyes fluttered shut, concentrating on the task at hand, and to make every little noise he made just a little clearer.

He was breathing harshly through his nose, groaning out the occasional curse, before he opted to just blurt what was on his mind.

"Daydreamed about this all the fucking time," Hawks grunted.

Maybe, that sort of thing should have been concerning; but, if you were being honest with yourself, your thoughts of him weren't always so pure, either. Sometimes, laying in bed alone at night, masturbating, it was easy to start thinking about his long, calloused fingers, and wonder what kind of things he would say.

Hawks had one hand gripped at the edge of the bed, while his other weaved carefully through your hair. You expected a painful, demanding grip; but, he was surprisingly gentle, touching you with a sort of adoration.

"Yeeahhh," he groaned, the word undulating as it exited his chest.

"Fuck, you look so cute like that," he praised, pushing your hair out of your face so he could admire the lewd expression you were wearing, lips spread wide over his girth.

"I bet you were curious, huh?" he uttered arrogantly. "Bet you wondered how big it w-" He cut off, moaning lowly when your tongue flattened along the underside and lapped at the thick vein there.

"Does it - aghn - taste better than a heroes?" he taunted in an amused, gravely voice. He even laughed a little at his own crudeness, albeit briefly.

As you drew back, you suctioned tightly, maybe to punish him, or because you were spurred on by such vulgar words. You weren't sure which. His hips lifted off the bed, chasing the sensation, and he moaned shamelessly loud into your dimly lit bedroom.

It startled you a little when you suddenly felt something staring to swell at the base of his cock, fingers smoothing it over curiously.

Just as quickly as you felt it, Hawks hand rotated from the top of your head to the underside of your jaw, pulling you back and forcing you off his cock. The fleshy sound your mouth made echoed around the room.

When you peered up at him, it seemed he was as caught off guard as you were. His mouth was hanging open, cheeks tinted pink, fangs bared while labored breaths wisped through them.

Did he want an answer? You were ready to tell him that he did taste good, when he suddenly leaned down. His arms wove beneath yours, and he hoisted you off the floor, spinning you around and tossing you onto the bed, almost carelessly.

He quickly rid himself of his clothes as you bounced atop the sheets, and climbed on top of you, forcing your legs up and onto his hips.

Just a little dizzy, you were surprised when he suddenly slotted over you, his mouth colliding with yours. He barely gave you a single kiss before shoving his tongue inside.

Your tongue joined his, sliding together in a pointless dance. You felt him lean down, the warmth of his body caressing yours. Hawks weaved one arm around your head possessively, while his other slid up your side, fingers dancing along your ribs.

You expected him to just ram into you. That was usually how this went. But, he was proving to be unlike any other man you had been with before. You could feel his cock jabbing into your thigh, throbbing with need; but, he seemed more concentrated with another task at the moment.

The kiss went on, and on, and on, as if he hadn't already kissed you senseless earlier. He seemed enraptured by the taste.

One of your hands fell onto his shoulder, while the other slid up to cup his face. You weren't really thinking about the where, until your fingertips touched leathery skin. Hawks flinched as if you had hurt him, and you realized you were touching the burnt half of his face.

He pulled back harshly from the kiss with a wet smack and stared down at you. He looked like he was trying to be mad, like a retort was hot on the tip of his tongue. But, instead, he just looked lost.

You stared up at him, unable to hold back just the slightest tinge of fear, afraid that the moment was ruined, that the spell had been broken, that you had crossed a line that Hawks didn't want you to cross.

But, then, he leaned into your palm, surrendering something that went unspoken. Your thumb smoothed over his cheekbone and you let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding.

"Hawks?" you hummed, wondering how long it had been since someone touched him there, touched skin tinged red and scarred over, forever a reminder of the past.

His eyes fluttered shut as your hand explored, down his jaw, down the side of his neck, over his shoulder, touching places he had once been burned. He dipped his head down, brushing his cheek against yours. You trembled at the sensation of his soft, short beard hairs tickling your skin.

It seemed he had grown impatient, for he tilted his hips up and slid forward, until the tip of his member brushed your folds. Your head fell back with a sigh and you tightened your legs around his waist expectedly, eagerly awaiting him to finally take you.

But, Hawks was unmoving, hovering. His lips nibbled at the shell of your ear before you felt his warm breath as he uttered lowly, drawling out the words, "beg for it."

He was so close, you could feel his chest vibrate with each syllable. You gazed over his shoulder, down his back, where his wings fanned out beautifully behind him. The appendages were tense, fingers bristled tensely.

When you didn't answer fast enough, Hawks reeled his hand away from your side. His palm collided with your ass and a smacking sound echoed around the room, immediately followed by your pained yelp.

"I said," he snarled, "beg for this cock."

It was far more arousing than it was menacing, and it was clear, despite the anger he was displaying, that he was pleased by your refusal to immediately obey. It meant he got to punish you, to drag this out a little longer, to play with you some more.

You bit your lip and delayed giving him the answer he wanted, skin prickled with excitement at the thought of what would follow.

"Are you tryin' to piss me off?" he asked lowly, tilting his head back to look at your face.

He didn't look mad. He looked painfully aroused, cheeks tinted pink, eyes taking in your lewd expression hungrily, fangs bared through slightly parted lips, where he drew in sharp breaths.

"I-" you began.

He either guessed you were going to sass him, or just decided he didn't care what the response was going to be. His hand collided with your backside again, just a tiny bit rougher than last time.

Your eyes pinched shut and you cried out again, body jerking slightly from the touch. Even with your eyes closed, you could picture the smirk he wore at witnessing your response.

Hawks leaned down, nose nudging at the soft spot behind your ear.

"Last chance," he whispered, almost tauntingly. "Beg. For. This. Cock," he added on lowly, almost snarling into the skin of your neck.

You probably couldn't have suppressed that shudder if you were dead, and Hawks felt it. His wings twitched behind him and he groaned softly, pleased by your reaction.

To taunt you further, his hips nudged forward, just until his tip breached your entrance. At the sound of a sweet moan leaving your mouth, he pulled back, then pushed back in, again and again, not breaching you past the tip.

It was sweet, delicious torture.

"Okay," you hissed out, unable to take it anymore.

You tilted your head, lips trailing along his jaw, kissing at the soft, short hairs there, until you found his ear.

"Keigo," you growled.

Immediately, you felt the way he stiffened above you, muscles going tight beneath your hands. A barely audible gasp escaped him.

It had been a while since someone said his name. He was the villain Hawks, now. Keigo was dead, according to him... but not to you. The blonde haired boy with crimson wings and big smile would never die as long as you were alive to remember him.

"Please give me your cock," you uttered softly, lips moving against the shell of his ear as you spoke.

Surprisingly, you didn't hate how desperate you sounded. If it sounded sweet in your ears, then you could only imagine how it sounded to him.

You had barely finished your sentence before he was shoving his hips forward, filling you to the brim in a split second. Your voice was caught in your throat, but Hawks let out a startlingly loud sound, bellowing out a roar into the darkness of your bedroom.

You trembled beneath him, shaken by his roar and by his girth filling your insides. His wings twitched fiercely, lifting up into the air for a brief second before fluttering back down to a relaxed position.

"Oohh, fuck," Hawks wheezed.

He gave you, or maybe it was for himself, a second to breathe before he started moving, pistoning in and out of your heat fiercely: halfway out, back to the brim, the skin of your hips smacking together noisily.

One of his hands had purchase on your thigh, holding on for dear life, while his other hand was fisted in the bedsheets by your head, the grip looking tight enough to rip the fabric.

Your legs were hoisted high on his waist, heels digging into the backs of his thighs. Your nails dragged down the backs of his shoulders, leaving behind pale impressions, and nearing his wings.

No one said it, but you both felt it: finally.

Destiny, soulmates, and all that nonsense was bullshit to you. Hawks made it clear he never believed in fate; whatever happened was because of choices, your own or someone else's, that shaped each and every outcome.

But, in that moment, your unity felt like destiny. His weight above you, his warmth, the smell of his skin, felt familiar, felt like home. His breath fanning out in hot wisps across the skin of your neck, his manhood nuzzled deep in your core, felt like harmony, like it was meant to be.

Maybe, you were just stupidly aroused, to the point that sense and reason was lost. Maybe, Hawks was just so good at this, that he already had you drunk on the sensation, drunk on him.

But, you decided that you didn't care what the answer was, just as long as he didn't stop.

"Fuck. You feel so good," Hawks praised, leaning up to look down at you.

"You like that? 'm I making you feel good, baby?" he slurred, huffing out breaths between each thrust.

"Keigo," you whined affirmingly, or maybe scoldingly, maybe somewhere in-between. His words were embarrassing; but, you didn't want him to ever stop talking.

He leaned down, nuzzling his forehead affectionately against your temple. It seemed to contrast the vulgar words he spewed.

"Fuck, yeah. Say my fucking name," he grunted.

The hand gripping your thigh tugged you down a little, putting you a bit further beneath him. It changed the angle slightly. The fact that he even considered that was enough to knock the wind out of you. But, now, with him reaching all the best places, his hips were doing that quite well.

He laughed darkly at the way you cried out sharply, legs trembling on either side of his hips.

"Right there?" he hummed. "Right fucking there?" he added on immediately with a particularly harsh thrust, clearly demanding an answer.

"Yes!" you almost screamed, barely recognizing the sound of your own voice.

Every time he plunged back inside, bringing your hips impossibly tight together, a smacking sound echoed around the room. He buried his face in the divot between your neck and shoulder, alternating between slurs and nibbling on the soft, sweaty skin.

"Feels so fucking good," Hawks groaned. "So fucking warm 'n soft. Ya' feel that - feel your juices dripping all over the fucking place? Yeahhh - all over my fucking cock."

He lapped a wet tongue up the side of your neck, teeth biting gently at your jaw and cheek before rising to hover against your lips.

"Look at me," he demanded softly. The skin of his lips touched yours as he spoke.

You almost didn't realize that you had closed your eyes. The pleasure was overwhelming, making it near impossible to force your eyes open.

You could picture him perfectly in your head. Still, you weren't prepared for the sight of him when your eyes fluttered open: Hawk's handsome face, looming over you, cheeks flushed red, fangs peaking out between parted lips, messy blonde locks flopped over his sweaty forehead.

"Don't look away," he demanded in a low growl.

It likely wasn't intentional, but he sounded more pleading and less demanding. Still, you were eager to comply. Even if he hadn't requested it, it would have been difficult to look away when he was wearing an expression like that.

Your hands clawed down his back, venturing lower and lower until they reached his shoulder blades, where beautiful, heavenly plumes grew. Hawks cried out, eyes squeezing shut, when you dipped your hands down and slid one along each wing, tangling digits in the feathers.

"Ohhh, fuck," he snarled.

You whimpered when he dipped his head down and bit at your lips before forcing his tongue inside. His command for you to look at him was briefly forgotten as he kissed you, if the harsh motions of his tongue could even be called a kiss.

The swift pace he had set became brutal suddenly, and he was smacking his hips against yours almost violently. Something slithered between your bodies, and you realized faintly that it was a feather.

The soft little quill curled between your bodies and found purchase against your clit, rubbing at the bud almost like a fingertip. That touch got your grip on his wings to loosen as the pleasure became almost blinding.

Hawks pulled back from the kiss with a wet smack, looking down at you almost angrily. You had gotten used to that look, and recognized it as pure lust. Maybe, he was a little mad at you, in his own way.

"Grabbing my wings? You fucking brat," he snarled. There was no venom, however, just animalistic lust.

You wanted to bite back at him; but, the sensations between your legs made it near impossible to think properly, let alone speak. His feather was flicking at your pearl, sparking white hot pleasure, while his cock pummeled your insides, burning aching pleasure at your core.

Somehow, you found the strength to return your hands to his wings, curling fingers and palms beneath the lower end where the appendages jutted out from his back. You grabbed on, felt the feathers fold and twitch between your fingers, making room for you to settle in, almost as if they were working against him.

Hawks cried out, head falling back; but, his pace didn't falter once.

"Fuck, oh fuck," he whined, head nearly smacking into yours when he came back down.

"Holding on like that, gonna make me-" Hawks cut off, moaning shamelessly, breath fluttering out across your cheeks.

Gods, he looked beautiful like that: eyes clouded with lust, cheeks and the tops of his ears tinted red, mouth hanging open. You didn't look much better, laying there and just taking everything he gave you, and loving every fucking second of it.

Normally, his hair was blown out and brushed free from his face. It was cute seeing long strands clinging to his forehead and brow. You could see short, fluffy strands clinging to his neck, skin shiny with a thin layer of sweat.

He could easily jostle his wings or use a strong hand to push you away, to free himself from your grasp; but, he didn't. It felt good, too fucking good, to possibly do that. But, that didn't stop him from bitching about it.

"-touching my fucking wings," he snarled, sounding almost unlike himself, breathless and senselessly aroused, as he growled into the shell of your ear.

"-knot you as punishment," he threatened, words slurred and growling. "Yeah - make you take all of it."

It became clear to you, then, what you had felt earlier, while sucking him off. Perhaps, it shouldn't been so surprising that he could do that. Still, the promise was enough to make you cry out.

Hawks laughed darkly. "That's not a punishment, is it? No, nooo - you would like that."

You weren't sure if it was his words, or the thought of what he intended to do. Maybe it was the way he growled at the end of his sentences, or the feeling of his feathers shuddering in your grasp. But, before you knew it, your orgasm was creeping up on you.

"You want my knot? Hm? Fucking say it - hgnnn," he demanded, words drawling out into a low growl that rumbled through his chest.

"Keigo, please," you sobbed.

"'Please' what?" he snarled.

You barely heard his response. Your orgasm was suddenly overtaking you, so strongly that you could only hear your heart thundering in your ears. Your eyes fluttered shut and you trembled helplessly beneath him, fingers releasing his wings to claw down the skin of his back, trying to find purchase in his skin.

His feather never ceased pinching at your clit; Hawks hips, however, began to falter, feeling you come undone beneath him, tightening and gushing. You failed to feel him swelling at the base, his own orgasm approaching rapidly.

"Oh fuck - oh fuck," Hawks chanted, panting above you like a wild dog.

Without separating, he hiked your leg up and turned you over onto your side, nuzzling into the space behind you. There was barely a second where his pace faltered, and suddenly he was pressed up tight against your back, snarling into your neck while he continued jackhammering into you.

"I need to hear it," he uttered harshly.

Weakly, you reached down between your sopping wet thighs and pushed at the feather that never stopped fluttering against you. It felt good, so, so good. But, it was bordering on painful. The little plume refused to obey your weak protest, and continued flicking expertly at your bud, sending shockwaves across your body.

"-need to hear it," he added on again, insistently.

As your orgasm started to wane, you remembered his request.

Hawks' legs were tangled with yours, resting on his side behind you, sweaty chest slotted against your back while his hips fucked into you feverishly. He had one hand curled over your hip for leverage while his other arm was tucked under your head.

He was panting wildly, nearing completion, fucking into you so fast and hard that it almost hurt. You could hear his wings flap once, stirring the air around you.

"Baby - fuck - please," he sobbed, so fucking close that it was starting to claw away at his insides. He buried his face in the back of your neck, wheezing harshly between sharp moans.

You felt deliriously high, insides still churning in mind-numbing pleasure, skin silky with sweat. You could feel his harsh breaths fluttering out against your neck, felt his hair tickle your skin, felt what he was begging for, prodding at your entrance.

"Y-yes," you stammered, arching your back to try and meet him. "Knot me, Keigo, pleas-"

He pushed it in just in time for his orgasm to take him. The gland at the base of his cock swelled, locking you two together, and Hawks let out a harsh cry that rattled your bones.

The sob you made at the sudden fullness was drowned out by the sounds Hawks was making behind you.

Hawks' sharp cry faded into low moans that stuttered past his lips, one right after the other, as if he was helpless to stop them. The hand that had been holding your hip lowered until his arm locked around your waist, holding you close. His cock throbbed against your walls, gushing his seed in hot spurts.

Even when his orgasm seemed to wane, Hawks couldn't stop shuddering behind you, low wisps of pleasured sounds leaking from his mouth and fluttering across your skin.

It was only when his cock stopped throbbing that he finally went quiet and the feather fluttering at your pearl ceased. The blinding pleasure slowly faded into blissful tranquility, leaving you in the soft ambiance of the ceiling fan, Hawks' breathing, and the bustling streets outside.

In awe, you stared ahead as some of his feathers fluttered free from his wingspan and floated around the room, caught in the breeze from the ceiling fan.

Hawks held you close, panting into your neck, barely an inch of your sweat soaked skin not touching.

Most of the time, guys pulled away as quickly as they could when they were done. Feeling him linger felt nice, warm, comforting, especially when he finally started to calm down, and you felt his lips trail up your neck before nuzzling behind your ear.

"You okay?" he uttered lowly.

"Yeah," you replied softly. "Are you?"

"Still feels good," he answered hoarsely.

"Mmm," you agreed.

You wanted to close your eyes and sink into the sheets; but, you didn't want to look away from the sight of his feathers floating around the room. He must not have realized yet, for he surely would have pulled them back by now.

His arm left your waist so he could free his hand to wander, smoothing over your belly before rising up your sternum. He palmed your neck softly before smoothing over your shoulder, down your arm, then over the curve of your side, briefly squeezing the meat of your behind.

That hand then lifted to brush the hair out of your face and away from your neck, freeing up more skin within reach of his lips, which he promptly peppered with kisses.

Sensitive from such powerful orgasms, your sensitive skin prickled at the feeling of his short beard hairs, and you couldn't hold back some giggling and twitching, which did nothing to deter him.

When he was satisfied, his arm returned to your waist, bringing you in closer as if such a thing was possible.

"Is this... your first time?" you asked him softly, hesitantly.

"What? Having sex?" he blurted, laughing a little.

"No," you sharply retorted, snorting at him.

"Knotting?" he answered with a chuckle. "Yeah. Never wanted to be like this with someone before."

You slid one of your hands over his forearm, the one curled over your waist, until your fingers touched his knuckles. He opened his fingers, letting you intertwine the digits to caress his hand.

"Good," you hummed. "I'm special."

Hawks laughed breathlessly, his chest trembling softly against your back. "Yeah... Yeah, you fucking are," he agreed in a quiet whisper.

Everything was quiet for a little while. Hawks eventually realized he lost some plumes and drew them back into his wingspan. You could hear the feathery appendages shudder softly as he stretched them out, wiggling the masses, before drawing them back in.

He relaxed behind you, pliant and lazy atop the sheets, occasionally blessing your skin with a kiss: a rough one on your shoulder, a soft one on your cheek, a wet one against the shell of your ear. His other arm was still beneath you, making for a decent, albeit hard, pillow.

It was possible that his knot had already gone down by now; but, if it had, you hadn't noticed, and didn't care to move or to tell him to move. You didn't want the moment to be over quite yet.

"Soooo," Hawks uttered suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence.

He carefully drew his arm out from beneath your head and propped an elbow up so he could lean elevate his hand against his palm and look down at you.

"How was that?" he asked, and you, of course, noticed his cheeky tone.

You groaned in response, highly suspicious of where this was going.

"Better than-"

"Don't you fucking say it," you interrupted him sharply, turning your head a little to look back at him, just in time to watch the wicked smirk on his face turn into a pout, an annoyingly adorable pout at that.

You sighed and turned your head back, away from him, uttering quietly, "yeah, it was better."

Hawks hummed happily. "Better than-?" he cooed, cutting himself off intentionally to tease you.

Testing the waters, you gently pulled away from him, confirming that he had softened and slipped out with ease. You lifted up into a seated position and shimmied to the edge of the bed. Hawks hadn't moved an inch, you realized, when you paused to look back at him.

"The best I've ever had," you sighed at him. "Happy?"

He closed his eyes, beaming a smile at you. "Yep!" he chirped, wings twitching subtly behind him.

"Are you staying, pretty bird?" you dared to ask, just a little fearful that he would take that opportunity to see himself out.

"I sure hope so," he replied. "Or are you the kind to throw men out to the cold when you're done with them?"

You leaned over the bed to give him a playful, harmless smack on the top of the head. He let you, smile not faltering and not flinching in the slightest.

"I might start tonight," you teased.

Still, you gently pushed his hair out of his face, preening him until you were satisfied, and stood up. You couldn't help but stare at him for a moment, spread out on his side, beautifully naked and looking happier than you'd seen him in ages.

"Gonna clean up. Keep the bed warm," you gently commanded him.

Just as you turned away from him, you felt his hand wrap around your arm, stopping you from retreating. You jerked back just a little, not expecting that sudden touch.

"Be mine," he requested.

It was possible that Hawks intended for it to come out demanding. It was, just a little bit; but, there was no missing the plea there, the fear that you were going to tell him that you belonged to no one, or that you didn't want what he was asking for.

You looked at him over your shoulder. The stern face he was making startled you a little. He was always joking about something, making dumb faces so people would underestimate him. It was rare to see him look like this, and you realized-

He was serious.

You gently peeled his hand off your arm. "I was yours when you stole my cigarettes, asshole," you beamed at him, a little bit more venomously than you intended.

That didn't stop Hawks from grinning like a madman.

"Fuck, babe. I love that dirty talk. Let's go again."

For some reason, that got you laughing. "Fuck off."

"Fuck me?" he teased.

You laughed again. "No."

#takami keigo x reader #takami keigo x you #takami keigo smut #takami keigo fanfiction #hawks x reader #villain hawks x reader #villain hawks fanfiction #villain hawks smut

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buckyownsmylife · 4 years ago

Text

I write sins not tragedies - Andy Barber smut

The one where you’re Andy’s sugar baby and he loves seeing you in lingerie

Warnings: rough sex, daddy kink, sugar daddy relationship, infidelity (reader is the other woman), throatfucking, curses, some degrading name-calling in a very loving way

A/N: Day 5 of kinktober and I can’t believe I’m still keeping up with this! Prompts for today were daddy kink and lingerie!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I didn’t even notice him entering the apartment, that’s how focused on my study session I was. But then two strong arms wrapped themselves around my torso and before I could even consider tensing up from the surprise, his cologne calmed my brain down and I was automatically melting against him.

“Hi, daddy.” I turned my head to the side to meet his eyes, but no such luck. He had buried his face against the crook of my neck, and his delicious beard was tickling me, making me thrash around in his arms.

“Hi, princess. I thought you’d missed me,” he mumbled against my skin, making me giggle. For someone who was constantly accusing me of being dramatic, he could be so much worser than me sometimes. Especially when he had a hard day in the office or in his family life.

“You know I always do. Did you have a rough day?” At that, he finally released me, allowing me to turn around on the bed so I could look him in the eye, taking notice of the dark patches underneath them. “Oh, Andy. I wish you’d take better care of yourself.”

My words brought a little smile to his face, and his eyes shined with a particular light as he looked at me, his hands cradling my cheeks. “You’re the only one who can take care of me properly.”

I tried not to show how he made me feel warm inside with just that one sentence, because I was honestly very worried about him, so I simply rolled my eyes. “Then I guess you have to move in, so I can take care of you 24/7, huh?”

It was just a teasing remark, I honestly didn’t have any second intentions with my words. I knew what I was getting into when Andy approached me with the proposition to become his sugar baby. I knew he was married and had a kid not that much younger than me and I never deluded myself into believing he’d simply abandon everything for me.

But when things got bad and I couldn’t be there for him when he actually needed me, that was the only time I second-guessed this entire arrangement. Because the truth was, I had fallen for him, hard. And it was difficult to remember he wasn’t mine to take care of most of the time.

“Please, ignore what I said. I didn’t mean it like that. Come here,” I begged, wrapping my hands around his suit’s lapels and pulling his weight down on the bed, so he’d be on top of me. Even frozen from the shock provoked by my words, he still easily followed, allowing me to cradle his face and kiss him all over until he was comfortable enough to talk again.

“Y/N…” He suddenly started, trying to push himself away from me, his voice in such a serious tone that I immediately knew what he was going to say, but I didn’t need to hear it. So I followed his movements, sitting up on the bed too, before covering his mouth with one of my hands, climbing on his lap.

“Please, Andy, don’t. Really. All I meant was… It doesn’t matter, you just don’t need to worry about it. I love what we have. I’m not asking for more. Promise.” He didn’t look like he trusted me that much, but then again, it could also be a bit of his own guilt as he stared me down with those expressive brown eyes of his. But I wouldn’t let him get dragged into that useless whirlwind, at least that I could do for him.

“Here, let me take your mind off of it. Wanna see something nice?” He still looked wary as he watched me get out of bed until I was standing in front of him, but after a few minutes and a sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair and nodded.

“If it comes from you, always.” The tiny smile he gave me had my heart doing backflips in my chest, and I returned it with a much bigger one, hoping to show him that I really was fine. And then I started to push down my sweatpants, wiggling out of them before taking off my sweater too, until I was left with only my latest purchase.

The sound of Andy’s breath hitching was everything I needed to know I was in the right direction. The piece I was wearing was yellow with white little daisies that covered the places there were supposed to be lace or any sort of fabric. It was ridiculously expensive for something with so little, but the way Andy was looking at me made it seem worthy.

He always did have a thing for seeing me in lingerie. Well, I didn’t know if it was me, specifically, just that it was the first thing he started to gift me just as soon as he covered all the essentials I needed to live.

For a long time, they were all that I had except for his impromptu gifts that always consisted of new lingerie pieces and some other frivolous thing, like a designer bag or some jewels, and I always accepted it with gratitude but insisted that he didn’t have to bother. I liked him and all I needed was for his help with the bills, but still, he wouldn’t have it.

He’d say that spoiling me was the best part of his week and that me accepting what he got me was one of the things I needed to do for him in return, so really, what could I do? The problematic part was when he started to include in the allowance money that he gave me to buy groceries a few hundred dollars supposed to be destined for me to buy some new pieces myself.

He wanted to be surprised, he said. As much as he loved to pick out some pieces for me and imagine me in them before actually getting to see them against my skin, he also wanted to have me amaze him once in a while. And this was the first time I finally got the courage to do so.

“Babygirl, you look so…” Immediately jumping back into the mindset that I wanted him to be in, I silently congratulated myself not only on being able to distract him but also for my choice in underwear. “Delicious,” was the word he settled in, the hand that was holding mine as I twirled around for him to get a full-view suddenly disappearing as he stood upright in front of me, towering over my scantily-clad body with his full height while still wearing his suit.

The way he was looking at me had me shivering under his gaze, and he smirked when he noticed, just before dropping to his knees and grabbing one of my legs to put it over his shoulder. “In more ways than one…”

And then his tongue was right over my pussy, a single finger from the hand that wasn’t helping me stay up curled against my underwear to allow him to move freely. He hummed at my taste, making my knees instantly buckled. “How the fuck are you so delicious, huh, babygirl?”

Before I could even consider answering, he sucked on my clit, making me release a strangled gasp as I tried to keep myself up, a hand on his hair and the other on his shoulder. He knew how hard it was for me to do anything when his face was buried against me, knew how talented he was with that tongue, but still, he didn’t have any pity for me.

“Answer daddy,” he admonished, slapping the back of one of my thighs, almost making me fall to my knees. “C’mon, sweet girl. You know how much I hate when you leave me unanswered.”

Taking a deep breath to try to gather my thoughts, it was hard for me to even remember what it was that he’d asked me in the first place. Finally, after another slap, this one over my ass, which he took the opportunity to grab after, I managed to spill out an “I-I don’t know, daddy.”

It wasn’t the answer Andy wanted, that much I knew, so it didn’t surprise me too much when he detached myself from my pussy after one last lick, before getting up to his full height, his hands immediately going to his belt.

“You know that’s not good enough, baby. Get on your knees for me.” I bit on my lower lip to stop a smile from appearing on my face, for the sake of our game. This was supposed to be a punishment, I knew that. I couldn’t very well just show him how eager I was to have his taste on my tongue again.

But the smirk he sported as he slapped his cock against my cheek let me know he was well aware of the fact. The number of times I’d been called his cockslut, after all, couldn’t very well be forgotten by the very man who had trained me to take him like a pro.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking, sweetheart,” he warned, making me bite the inside of my cheek to stop the giggles that I could feel rising through my chest. “But if you let daddy fuck your throat the way he likes, he just might give you what you want. Open up,” he orders and I, ever dutifully and simply his, do exactly as he says, my tongue sticking out to welcome his weight on my mouth.

“Shit, baby, I always forget how incredible you feel,” he comments mindlessly, and despite knowing it was nothing less than a compliment, it hurts my chest for a moment the possibility of him going home and simply pretending that I don’t exist, ignoring how great I can make him feel.

Blinking away the tears that were already rising under my eyelids, I couldn’t really attribute them to the lack of oxygen yet, but I was hoping the excuse would fit if one managed to escape. So I blindly reached out for Andy’s ass and pulled him to me, effectively choking myself on his dick.

“Jesus fucking CHRIST, what has gotten into you today?” He asked as he pulled me back from his cock by my hair, and I coughed a bit as I gathered my breath, before shaking my head as well as I could while he kept his grip on me.

“Nothing, daddy. I just really want to pleasure you.” He looked suspicious again, but now wasn’t the time to inquire about it. Not when his cock was throbbing, the red tip leaking precum drops that you were too eager to lap up. “Fuck, okay. But stay put, alright, princess? Let daddy decide the pace.”

Your mouth-watering at the sight of him helped the blowjob immediately become sloppy, just like he liked. “Fuckkkk. Just like that, baby girl. Now, relax your throat, okay?” I did as he said, allowing him to dip my head back as I reminded myself to breathe through my nose before he immediately started to fuck his cock on my throat, provoking my gag reflex to act up and the tears to start again.

“Hold it, baby. We both know you can. Don’t you like it when daddy’s cock is nested inside your pretty throat? When you can’t breathe and it’s all because of me?” His hand gripped my neck, aiding the asphyxiation as he felt himself inside of me. “Oh, yeah. See? This is why daddy loves coming to see you. Only you can treat him so. fucking. well.”

After a particularly hard thrust that left me coughing out my lungs, he pulled me to my feet by my hair before throwing me on the bed, face down. “And since you’ve been such a good little girl for daddy, he’ll give you what you want.”

I could feel my wetness dripping down my thighs as I heard him open the condom packet. Just the sound of the foil was enough to make me whimper. Behind me, I could hear Andy chuckle at my eagerness.

“Such a good little princess for me. So crazy for my cock, huh?” The blunt head of his length rubbing against my throbbing clit was exactly enough to get me even needier for him. I sucked in a breath as he teased me for a little while, rubbing himself over my opening but never actually pushing in.

Andy’s P.O.V.

“Y-yes, daddy. Only for your cock.” Fuck, she just knew exactly what to say to make me lose control. This was precisely why I needed her so much. Why I couldn’t even feel bad about what I was doing. Not when she was the only one with whom I could actually be myself.

Thrusting inside of her for the first time in a night was always the best feeling, probably akin only to walking through the gates of heaven, perhaps because that’s what she was to me: my own little piece of heaven, my angel on Earth.

“You okay, sweetheart?” I asked, my heart overflowing with emotions I couldn’t allow myself to feel as I carefully brushed the strands of her hair away from her face, so I could hold them all in my makeshift ponytail. When she hummed in agreement, that’s when I felt comfortable enough to start thrusting in and out of her, appreciating the wet sounds of her pussy trying to keep my cock inside of her.

“Daddy… please…” She begged, her hands reaching forward to hold onto the duvet of her bed while I abided by her desires and started to fuck into her harder. She really was my other half, the only one who understood and reciprocated my needs.

“Daddy got you, little one. Just hold on tight.” Her hands practically curled into fists, I started to fully pound her against the mattress, one of my hands coming around her to hug her back to me, while I played with her clit. “Such a perfect little girl for your daddy. Now daddy needs you to cum around him, can you do that, princess? Can you be a good girl for me?”

The dirty talk always got to her, and within seconds she was trembling in my arms, gasping in need of air as her pussy milked my cock until all of my cum was safely inside the condom.

I could still remember when we had that discussion. I obviously had wanted to fuck her raw, but that was one of the only limits she established right away. “You’re still gonna be fucking your wife, I need to be safe.”

The fact that I hadn’t felt anything when she pointed out that if I was cheating, Laurie could very well be doing the same, should have shown me just how screwed up I was. “Princess…” I started after cleaning us both with a wet towel from the bathroom. She looked up at me expectantly, obviously curious about what I had to say, but the seconds our eyes met, she already knew the subject I was going to approach.

“No, Andy. Let it go! We’ve been through this already.” Sighing, I couldn’t help but smile as I sat down by her side on the bed, as always fascinated by the fact that she could so easily read what was on my mind.

“As incredible as you are, baby girl, I don’t think you know precisely what I got to say, and the truth is, I need you to hear this.” She shut her mouth at that, but still pouted, showing me how skeptical she was.

Chuckling softly, I held her hands in mine before caressing her cheek, trying to show her through the intensity of my gaze that my words were 100% honest. “The reason I got so shocked by what you said was that I was overcome with the desire to do just that. To move in here, with you.”

For a few seconds, no one said anything. It was just her and me, her eyes twice their usual size as she blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of what I had just said. “But, Andy…” Sighing, I already knew what she was going to say, so I just squeezed the hand I was still holding, signaling that she didn’t need to say anything yet.

“I know, baby. I know.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulder, hugging her to me and giving a kiss on her forehead, hoping that she could once again understand what I wanted to say, even if I couldn’t yet put it into words. “I just wanted you to know.”

#andy barber #andy barber smut #smut #my fics #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber fan fiction #andy barber one shot #andy barber reader #andy barber one-shot #andy barber x reader #andy barber imagine #andy barber imagine fanfiction

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agoracactus · 4 years ago

Text

Pt. 9.5 - The Blood Mage

so im here to explain what happened after reader left Geralt, but it gets pretty dark (see warnings), if u dont wanna read it but still wanna know what happened, ill do a family friendly summary at the very end, scroll and look for this ▲△▲△▲△ dividing line

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.4.5 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.8 Pt.9

Pairing: Geralt of Rivia x reader

Word Count: 4110 - summary excluded

Warnings: besides the standards, blood, gore, indication of sacrificial ritual against children (yes im a monster)

Tag list: @theojuicee @ayamenimthiriel @imthesnowinthedark @distinguishedkryptonitecreator

You stood there, watching him disappeared into the woods, cold air wrapping tightly around your body.

Was it getting cold? Or was it your blood drawing away from the surface of your skin, wanted to crawl inside and hide there and never come out?

When you realized it, you were already walking away. Tears blurring your sight, hitched breaths blocking your hearing, you stumbled forward, don’t know where you’re going--- you just wanted to get out, you had to.

You tripped and fell, and you just lay there, panting from the emotion that’s gripping your chest.

How could he say such things? You cared about him so much, yet he returned it with sharp blades of words. Manipulating him? How dare he? You were merely helping, trying to steer him away from the tragic events that would happen to him! Did he ever say ‘thank you’ for your effort of trying? No. He complained. He Accused you for being a ‘jinx’.

You sat up. The darkness had already crept in in between the trees. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, the shock and the sadness faded into anger. You stood up.

Fine, you’re leaving. You don’t need him anyway. You could go back to Yen, she would take you in. You would live a way better life than before- Hell, you don’t even need Yen. You can take care of yourself. You will go on your own adventure and perhaps meet someone better than that stupid, stubborn asshole.

You didn’t know how long you’ve been walking, or where were you walking to. It was dark everywhere, and your human eyes could barely made out anything- probably even less than what you usually could due to your now puffy eyes.

You started to hear the different sound of the night forest, the cracking of the dry twigs, the chirping of what you assumed of the crickets, the rustling of the trees, and perhaps the howling of some wolves far away.

Suddenly, a scream pierced through the darkness of the forest.

You tensed up, ready to run if any danger come towards you.

“HELP!”

You heard it loud and clear. You quickly drew out your shotgun, ran to the source of the sound.

It wasn’t hard to locate where you should go, there was a faint glow not so far away in the woods. As you were getting closer, you saw a circle of glyphs giving out a brown-ish red glow, in the center lay a shape that seemed to be a body of a child. Beyond the circle, not too far away, was a ghoul.

“Help me! Help!” Someone up in the tree shouted desperately, seeing you appeared from the dark. You stopped in the circle of glyphs, aimed the shotgun at the ghoul that was growling up at the poor man and pulled the trigger.

The ghoul took a few shot before it went down and stopped moving completely.

“Are you ok?” you poked the dead ghoul with the gun barrel to make sure it’s really dead, and said to the man, “You can come down now, it’s dead.” “Oh thank you kind stranger!” the man swiftly climbed down, he was wearing a cloak with dark stains at the bottom edge. “I would have been dead if not for you, I owe you my life!” “What happened here?” you asked, stepped into the circle once again to check the pulse of the child. You noticed the boy had several cuts on his arms and legs, and a mark of branding on the inside of his wrist that you couldn’t quite make out the design with the dim light from the glyphs.

“...Fascinating...” You heard the man gasped in awe. “Hm?” gotten distracted from inspecting the branding further more, the thought slipped from your mind, “The kid is dead.” you stood up. “Yes yes, poor child. His parents brought him to me for treatments, but the monster showed up. I tried to put up a protection sphere for him but he’s badly wounded...” the man lowered his head with remorse. “You’re a healer?” you stepped out of the circle. The man glanced at your feet and the glyphs, “I’m a worshiper of the arcane, a student in the knowledge of unknown.” he bowed his head slightly, “Sadon Olbrecht, at your service.” “Y/n.” you replied, found yourself having some trouble trusting him, but couldn’t put your finger on it.

“What a lovely name! And what brought you here deep in the woods in such late hours?” “Um, well, I um, lost.” you avoided the eye contact, remembering the reason why you were deep in the woods late at night. “Oh I live near by! You are more than welcome to come stay overnight, and I can show you the way to the highway tomorrow!” he lit a lantern--- that came out of nowhere. “It’s this way!” he lift up the lantern to see better ahead. “...” you took a look back at the direction you assumed you came from--- it’s too dark to tell--- “Sure. Lead the way.”

It didn’t take long before you saw that stone made house. “Here we are!” Sadon picked up the pace, “We don’t have much, but it’s our humble home.” “We?” you glanced at the dark windows. “Yes. Come come!” he quickly pushed open the wooden door. You hesitated, one hand reached back and clutched on the pistol.

You stepped in. It was dark, the smell of decay and dampness rushed into your nostril. “Sadon?” you couldn’t see anything. Something wasn’t right. You turned, wanted to walk back out.

Then a heavy strike hit you in the back of your head. You fell unconscious.

It was cold, dark, humid, stank of dirt and mold.

And blood.

So much blood.

Fresh, not fresh, they all mixed together into a protruding smell.

You were leaning against the cold stone wall, hands chained to the wall, another pair of heavy manacles on your ankles. There’s no window in this room, the only time when you could see anything was when Sadon were in the room, then he would light all the candles--- there were so many candles, black and red. When there’s no light, it’s pitch black. So dark that you often wondered if your eyes were actually opened.

It hurt everywhere, to a point that you couldn’t feel pain anymore. You used to complain so much about even the smallest cut, would wine about your sore back every few minutes. But you stopped thinking about the pain now. Your brain learned to ignore it after a while. You tried to get some sleep, but your body was aching and stiff--- in fact, your brain couldn’t even tell if you’ve slept.

And the noises. The sobbing and crying and moaning from below.

The kids.

You didn’t know who they were, but you know there were several of them. Sadon kept them separated from you, in the camber below. You saw him carrying sacks downstairs a couple of times, took some time before you realized that those were the kids. He probably kidnapped them somewhere, put them to sleep for transportation.

You’re glad that you didn’t know these poor children.

You heard the rustling of the keys, and the squeaking of the metal door. Light poured in from the door at the far side of the chamber, a pair of feet came down the stone stairs.

“Good evening!” he greeted you delightedly and started lighting the candles with the candlestick he brought down. There was a large stone pedestal in the middle of the chamber, few metal hooks sticking out on the sides, with runes carved all around it and it was covered in deep maroon. The runes ran down the pedestal, to the stone floor, and formed a circle.

Sadon finished lighting up the room, set the candlestick down on the side of the pedestal “I really have a good feeling today, perhaps success is near the corner!” You could hear the sincere excitement in his voice, and it only sickened you more.

He took the chain of keys, and unlocked the hatch to the basement. You chewed on the inside of your mouth, hearing the children crying. You saw a little boy being dragged up, manacles chained on his skinny wrists and ankles. The boy was trying all he can to fight, but Sadon as a grown man was way stronger than him. He threw you desperate gazes, but there was nothing you could do. You watched him being dragged to the pedestal, manacles on his wrists hooked to one side and the ankles were hooked to the other side.

Then Sadon brought a dagger and a small goblet to you. He knelt down beside you, took the dagger and cup a deep slit in your upper arm. You turned your head away, gritted your teeth so hard you felt like you were going to shatter your jaw. He caught your blood in the goblet and brought it back to the boy, who was laying on the pedestal, panting in fear.

You shut your eyes, trying to close off all your senses.

The pure one.

That’s how Sadon addressed you. How disgusted you were when you heard that.

He said he’s a blood mage. You knew that’s bullshit from the time you’ve spent with the witcher and the sorceress, and the knowledge they fed to you.

Sadon was just a demon worshiper, who was deluded about how he has a connection with the “demon lord”. He told you that he would one day break the barrier between the two worlds and bring his lord to this realm, and together they would bring the world to greatness. And he believed that your blood is the key to his grand plan.

You didn’t even care about the sanity of his mind.

How long have you been in here? How many rituals have you witnessed? How many young lives were perished, tragically and painfully in front of your eyes? The scenes, the sounds, they haunted your dreams. Sometimes you couldn’t tell if you were dreaming or the ritual was actually happening.

At first you were so mad, you screamed, you struggled. You tried to fight your way out of this, but you were nothing without your weapons.

You were nothing without your witcher.

You overflew your mind with the witcher.

His voice, his frown, his grunt, his smirk. What was he doing while you were stuck here, suffering? Did his mind ever come across you after you parted ways? Was he worried about you?

Then you banned him out of your mind, kicked the image the sound the phantom warmth of his out of your brain as many times as you needed.

You prayed. Prayed for all these were just a bad dream, prayed that Geralt would be looking and saved you from this hellhole. You cursed, cursed your bad luck, curse your immunity, cursed for you trusting a stranger and take him for his words. Disappointed- desperate about the absence of

Till there’s nothing left for you to do but to wait.

Wait for the final fate to find you.

The chamber has grown cold.

You were the one laying face up on the pedestal, staring up at the ceiling. There hanged a rusty chandelier, covered in dust and webs. The thought of it falling and killing you and ruining the ritual flashed through your mind, brought you a slight amusement. You were even more amused at how you were coming up sick jokes when death was staring you right in the face. In fact, you had to suppress the urge to laugh.

Few kids were kneeling on the ground, forming a circle around the pedestal. You couldn’t tell how many of them were there--- you were too weak to turn your head to look--- you guessed that they were probably the last ‘stock’ Sadon had in his little basement. You could hear them sobbing, the silver instruments Sadon made them held were making soft tinkling sound with their shaky hands.

The temperture dropped more. Or maybe it’s you losing blood.

You heard Sadon’s chanting, heard him moving around in his elegant robe. You fought to keep your eyes open, but the eyelids were growing heavy.

You were scared.

Is this it? Are you really going to die? What’s beyond ‘death’? Will you return to your world? Would Geralt miss you, at all?

You were not ready to go. But the darkness was creeping in from the corner of your vision.

A voice crept in as darkness consumed you. It souded like several people talking at the same time, in different pitch, but merged in one.

“What do you wish?”

You found yourself standing--- or perhaps, floating, in this darkness. The voice seemed to be coming from everywhere.

“We could give you anything you want.”

You looked around, then you weren’t sure if you were actually looking.

“I want to live.” you found yourself talking, heard your voice coming from all around you.

“Pay the price.”

The voice echoed in the space.

“I have nothing.”

“Give us what’s most precious to you.”

A dark shape emerged from the dark. You didn’t know how you’re seeing it without light, but the presence was strong. You saw it extended it’s hand, expecting a hand shake.

You closed your eyes, still seeing the darkness.

“Give it.” “Give it.” “Give it.”

The voice now split into several whispers, coming from different directions.

You saw yourself slowly raising your hand, slowly, reaching that extending arm. Faintly, you heard your voice, telling you to stop, to think this over, to be smart.

A face flashed into your mind, the pair of eyes that would usually filled with warmth were painted in cold bitterness.

You held onto the arm.

A burning sensation burst out on the inside of your forearm. A shape was glowing, and eating your flesh away. You screamed.

The whispers ceased.

“You are ours now.”

The darkness faded. You were on your bare feet, panting. Most of the candles were out, the only ones still burning were the ones on the pedestal behind you.

Your saw your shadow casting on the ground, and drew up to the wall, swaying, with the low burn candlelight. The thick substance that’s covering the ground, glistening with the flickering light. You tried to move your feet, but your foot kicked something.

An arm. Children’s.

You slowly glanced around, eyes barely made out the scattering pieces of what you assumed, human body. The smell of gradually decaying flesh filled your nostril, your brain slowly started working.

What happened?

You saw Sadon, half of his head were by the wall, expression frozen on absolute horror.

The metal door screaked. You turned, and saw two figures standing at the top of the stairs. In their eyes, were those horror? Shock? Perhaps wonder?

You didn’t get to find out. In a flash, the smaller figure of the two rushed towards you. And before you could react, a blunt hit in the back of your head. You were back into darkness again.

▲△▲△▲△▲△▲△▲the family friendly dividing line▲△▲△▲△▲△▲△▲△▲

Summary

You left Geralt after the fight when the night was falling. Frustrated and disappointed at what happened, you got lost.

Deep in the woods, you came upon a man who named Sadon, he was being attacked by a ghoul, after killing the ghoul, he offered somewhere safe to stay for the night in return. He attacked you and knocked you out after arriving at his stone made house.

It turned out that he was a demon worshiper, and claimed to be a blood mage. He made sacrifices of children who he kidnapped at the nearby village to pay tribute to his dark lord. He believes that the rituals he’s doing granted him power, and one day he would be powerful enough to summon the demon king to this realm, and together they would rule the world. And when you saved him in the woods, he found out that magic doesn’t take effect on you. He believed that you were the key he needed for his grand scheme. So he kidnapped you, and was waiting for the right time for his final ritual.

Sadon wasn’t wrong. Your blood was desired by the demons, as it could grant them power. The ritual was successful, just wasn’t as expected by Sadon. You made a deal with the demons, giving them your memory in exchange of immense power.

You woke up and found yourself standing, around you were Sadon and all the children who met a horrible death. Helvi’tar and Eyle opened the door to the basement of death, found you in complete confusion.

Then Eyle knocked you out.

#the witcher #gerlat of rivia #geralt x reader #geralt x y/n #geralt x you

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

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Amber & Cosmo

Amber: Red suits you…

Cosmo: Damn, is it really that bad?

Cosmo: 2nd message politely rinsing me

Amber: I mean it, you look really nice

Amber: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cosmo: Oh

Cosmo: well, cheers

Cosmo: it was a necessity, like

Amber: For a good first impression, sure

Amber: I know how much they matter to you

Cosmo: We don’t all have an open window to make that ultimate impression

Amber: maybe don't drop that hint to her, whoever she is, it's a lot of pressure to imply the window of opportunity is closing after the dessert course

Cosmo: You might know her

Cosmo: She goes to your school, but Dash’s year

Cosmo: I don’t know her, but I can’t see her climbing through any windows tonight, or any other night for that matter

Amber: I don't know many people in Dash's year but those I do would be more likely than not to climb through a window, especially if someone like you was requesting it

Amber: Would you like to get to know her, that obvious deal breaker aside?

Cosmo: What do you mean someone like me?

Cosmo: But this was kind of a blind date situation, set up by someone who thought we’d both be interested

Amber: Let me see if I can put into words what I mean

Amber: someone who is generous with their time on top of also being attentive to how the other person wants to spend theirs because you actively listen and then make things happen

Amber: you're someone I really like hanging out with and I think they would feel the same in my place

Amber: Oh cool, I love blind dates!

Cosmo: Well

Cosmo: you’re in a good mood

Cosmo: It’s a shame that I don’t think I’ll feel anywhere near as similarly about anyone my brother associates with

Cosmo: I can see that for you

Cosmo: It’s awkward and you’ve never heard of the word

Amber: it's more of a shame you're trying to put me in a bad one 😂

Cosmo: I didn’t mean you, obviously

Cosmo: We called truce but it still don’t mean I want his dating pool to be mine

Amber: I wasn't suggesting it should be, the friends I have in his year aren't all mutuals we share, only in his head is he that popular

Amber: but I meant you trying to call me out for never feeling awkward in situations where other people are, as if I'm supposed to view it negatively instead of one of the positives this 👽 lifestyle has to offer

Cosmo: Maybe I was being nice too, and you just made an assumption

Cosmo: be mad at yourself

Amber: I wasn’t, but maybe now I am, an assumption of that being the best you can do at being nice

Amber: tonight or to me anyway

Cosmo: Yeah you were ‘cos I didn’t say it was a bad thing

Cosmo: What’s wrong with you tonight?

Amber: I don’t know what you mean or expect me to say to the biggest assumption you’ve made so far

Amber: tonight or frankly ever

Cosmo: Even if I weren’t out, I don’t think I could decode what you’re getting at rn

Amber: There’s nothing wrong with me, you said yourself I’m in a good mood

Cosmo: Right, fine, alright

Cosmo: I just need to go home then

Amber: I’m sorry your blind date isn’t going well though

Cosmo: It’s not the end of the world

Amber: no, but wasted time doesn’t feel good, and besides, something doesn’t have to be end of the world levels of BAD to get sympathy from me or a reaction from you

Cosmo: I don’t need sympathy

Cosmo: we just have nothing in common

Amber: okay, empathy then

Cosmo: Just stop, yeah

Amber: what?

Cosmo: Making it seem like a big deal when it isn’t

Cosmo: she’s some kid who’s split up from her boyfriend and needed cheering up

Cosmo: with that kind of pressure, no wonder I couldn’t manage it, but it’s not me who’s 😞 so it don’t matter, ‘less you wanna send her your condolences

Amber: it sounds like I should, or at the very least the wonky fruit basket your nan never got

Cosmo: you think I’m that much of a dick, yeah

Cosmo: nice

Amber: I wasn’t making it about you, she’s upset because she’s going through a breakup

Amber: why are you this determined to start a fight with me right now?

Cosmo: I’m not

Cosmo: I don’t have a fruit basket to hand, that’s all

Amber: You don’t need one, you already did your best at trying to cheer her up, it’s not your fault, or hers, that it didn’t work

Cosmo: It is my fault

Amber: personally, I doubt it, but if you believe it, tell me why

Cosmo: I’m never going to be what they expect or want, that’s facts

Amber: for girls still devastated over their exes, of course not

Cosmo: Right

Cosmo: Whatever then

Amber: you’re dismissing what I just said because…?

Cosmo: Because you don’t get it and this is a waste of both our time

Cosmo: and that’s 💔 so you should go enjoy your great mood

Amber: I get that you think you failed when really this was a situation where there wasn’t a way to ‘win’ because time, distance from her ex and anything that reminds her of him are the real things that’ll help her, it isn’t a waste of time to talk about it unless you wanna keep pretending it doesn’t matter

Cosmo: Being perfect on paper is exhausting

Cosmo: There was no point deluding her that it could go any further

Amber: You're not someone who leaves people in any kind of delusion, which isn't a bad thing, before you try and say I'm saying it is

Cosmo: Proving we don’t know each other at all

Cosmo: but it’s a favourable mischaracterisation so, why not

Amber: You're definitely determined to prove that’s true, tonight and every other since we’ve met, so if it’ll cheer you up

Cosmo: Selfless as always

Cosmo: and we haven’t spent any night together just two day trips so

Amber: we could, but either way, you know what I was trying to say, ineloquent as always

Cosmo: This one’s a write-off

Cosmo: and I might set alight if I get anywhere near a campfire

Amber: it doesn’t have to be and a campfire wouldn’t have to be involved

Cosmo: It always does with you lot

Cosmo: and I can’t change modes that fast

Amber: It’s me you’d be spending time with, boy, and I can be much more flexible than them about what my idea of fun is

Cosmo: You’ve told me how flexible you are before

Amber: it’s worth repeating

Cosmo: 😂 Show-off

Amber: not yet I’m not but I could be

Cosmo: Oh yeah?

Amber: any time or place, I don’t ever feel awkward, remember

Cosmo: Sure, see you when that’s actually believable for either of us

Amber: Okay, I’ll come and meet you now because it is

Cosmo: It ain’t

Amber: Why?

Cosmo: I know you get awkward, even if it’s not at the usual things everyone else does

Amber: We didn’t know each other at all a minute ago, according to you

Cosmo: you’re a contradiction too, that’s why I like you

Amber: if you’re gonna remember anything, actually, it should be that you do like me

Cosmo: I’ll deny it in a court of law, like

Amber: and I’ll deny liking you too if you do

Cosmo: Liar

Amber: maybe it would be true if you were that mean to me in a court of law, I don’t know

Cosmo: I don’t wanna be mean

Amber: neither do I

Cosmo: It’s the easy way out

Amber: I don’t want out, the easy or hard way

Cosmo: Not of this

Cosmo: the rest, it’s still not right

Amber: What’s wrong with it, the rest?

Cosmo: I mean, I could treat you all like shit and not care, if I was mean

Cosmo: it’s cowardly, he’s a fucking pussy

Amber: I’m glad you’re not

Cosmo: I couldn’t if I wanted to

Amber: perfect on paper isn’t subjective, that’s part of why it must be exhausting, I guess

Cosmo: It’s not real though, is it

Cosmo: at least I don’t have to deliver, the fantasy is what’s important, I just follow the script till we part ways

Cosmo: but that’s because I can’t deliver, not really

Amber: but it's sad, the idea of following a script instead of getting to know someone, feeling like you have to behave a certain way even if it is just for a night

Cosmo: They are getting to know me, as much as they want

Amber: it isn't fair to you or what you want, that should count too

Cosmo: What do I want?

Amber: I don't know you well enough to answer that, unfortunately

Cosmo: At least you aren’t deluded

Amber: Thanks 😂

Amber: but everyone wants genuine connections with people don't they? It wouldn't be an assumption that you'd also want that

Cosmo: Not totally, anyway, don’t get carried away

Cosmo: Not everyone wants genuine connection with everyone though

Amber: No, but you aren't blind dating everyone, right?

Cosmo: It’s not that deep

Amber: not with her, but you wouldn't have sounded so trapped before talking about this situation if you didn't want things to be different

Cosmo: She’s not holding me hostage

Cosmo: We’re finished up here anyway

Amber: If we're going with this analogy, okay, you're holding yourself hostage

Cosmo: 🙄😏 it’s either too early or too late for analogies, Ambs

Amber: I'm following your lead here

Cosmo: I don’t know where I’m going, so probably don’t

Cosmo: not tonight anyway

Amber: I don't mind where we go, you can pick

Amber: [suggest a place where you could do a night swim because you know he likes that and other places you could do sporty\competitive things he'd be about to try and turn his night around, I like to think there's 9 different options]

Cosmo: That’s dedication to the ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Cosmo: I can’t do anything tonight, I told you

Cosmo: It’d be…

Amber: Raincheck? I'm trying to cheer you up not make you feel like you're under more pressure to perform for me

Cosmo: It’s not that but yeah

Amber: Are you gonna tell me what it is?

Cosmo: I couldn’t if I wanted to

Cosmo: don’t pay me for my way with words though, thank God

Amber: we can do another raincheck until you’re ready to talk about it

Cosmo: Sounds cheery

Cosmo: We don’t need to wait about and prioritize moping

Amber: We'd be prioritising communication, why's that so bad?

Cosmo: We could communicate about anything

Cosmo: Better still, do anything instead of talk about it

Cosmo: Why would we bother

Amber: Because I don't want things to be not that deep between us

Cosmo: Why don’t you?

Amber: I won't ever be able to answer the question of what you want, even if you meet me at the phonebox when we're old, if it is, we're friends, I wanna be able to say I actually know you

Cosmo: I don’t know how to trust like that

Cosmo: but I can try

Amber: you don't have to trust me now, we'll spend more than 2 day trips together first, see how that goes, there's no rush or pressure

Cosmo: It’s not a you thing, you know that yeah

Amber: It's okay, you phrased it very carefully, I understand you'd find it hard to trust anyone else you were getting to know too

Cosmo: Make it sound more calculating 😏

Amber: I was trying to make it sound like you're not as bad with words as you think!

Amber: because you're not, in my humble opinion

Cosmo: I’m not sure I’d call your opinion humble

Cosmo: but I’ll still take it, tah

Amber: I'm open to trying new things too

Amber: maybe I could be humble…

Cosmo: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Cosmo: Maybe

Cosmo: Your hippie brethren would like it

Amber: Oh fuck you're right! 😠 Well now you've made me wanna not follow through with it

Cosmo: I won’t point out that not following through is right up their street too 😜

Amber: Maybe don't, pointing out ways they can feel superior to others is very up their street though, MAYBE even above all else

Cosmo: Yeah, the humility is just a guise for the overriding smugness, obviously

Amber: I couldn't argue with you if you wanted me to

Amber: not about how self-righteous hippies can be, and especially not tonight

Cosmo: What’s happened/happening tonight?

Amber: My parents have been bugging me to spend more time here because I rarely do unless it’s eating and sleeping, like a hotel, so I am, but it’s

Amber: feel free to fill in the unspeakable blank yourself

Cosmo: I’m sorry we can’t go swimming

Cosmo: and that I’ve been talking about myself this whole time, clearly, Jesus

Cosmo: Where’s your favourite place there? You should hide there

Amber: I talk about myself all the time way more often, it’s fine

Cosmo: I’m not my favourite topic of conversation, I’m never trying to be that guy

Cosmo: Don’t you like the hammocks?

Cosmo: It’s not a bad night for it

Amber: Sure, but you’re not my most hated topic of conversation, far from it, meaning I can’t really be 😠

Amber: it’s a beautiful night but too early in it to hide away when the goal was to be social and appease my parents

Cosmo: Is it a long list? Or am I flattered? 🤔

Cosmo: Don’t they have like 10 boy/girl/themfriends to hang with and keep them entertained

Cosmo: You aren’t going to be around much longer

Amber: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Amber: Are you flattered or aren’t you?

Amber: And as of right now my dad is single while my mum has a boyfriend, if I was a cynic like you I’d probably think that’s why they’re taking such an interest

Amber: but they always have and I’m always gonna be their 👶🏽

Cosmo: You are an only child, true

Cosmo: Try to block out the people you aren’t actually related to then

Cosmo: Good luck

Amber: Thanks

Cosmo: Hey, I actually meant that

Amber: Okay, boy, that doesn’t mean I know a more sincere way to say thank you right now

Cosmo: It’s not like I can actually help

Cosmo: my family quality time is hardly goals

Amber: mine either any more if this is what it looks like

Cosmo: When did it start to feel different for you?

Amber: When I started to feel different to them

Amber: think for myself

Amber: it started smaller and with 👶🏽 acts of rebellion, of course

Cosmo: I bet you were cute

Amber: I was, whatever timeframe you’re imagining

Amber: because the acts of rebellion weren’t all that long ago, some of them were just really immature, since they made a huge deal about 💬💭 individuality until I decided to use mine deviate from ☮️💙 hardly an adult response in itself

Cosmo: All parents have an ideal and an expectation, they can deny it all they like

Cosmo: if you don’t turn out how they thought, it can take them a long time to deal with it

Amber: I’m not gonna be 👶🏽 enough to wish they’d deal with it faster, or pretend I’ll prove you wrong when it’s my turn, don’t worry

Cosmo: At least if you become a total normie, you also won’t be shocked if your kid decides to hang out at a commune

Cosmo: the 👶🏽 will definitely be pissed off at how unphased you act and the 👶🏽 of rebellion will still be a thing though

Amber: I've seen too many births for them not to be adopted, if I become a terrible person and parent, I can put the blame there instead of taking any responsibility

Cosmo: Fair but a shame

Cosmo: they won’t be as cute for it

Amber: Unfair, they'll be adorable

Cosmo: If you ask for that then you’ll definitely sound like a terrible person 😅

Amber: Shh babies and toddlers just are, I won't need to do a special request

Cosmo: You’re used to the plastic ones that don’t shit, puke and scream all the time, I reckon

Amber: They're not cute, they're slightly creepy

Amber: [photographic evidence making them look as creepy as we can in the dark in the hammocks like see]

Cosmo: Is your ma trying to prepare them for a rosemary’s baby situation what the fuck is that

Amber: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Cosmo: At least they can’t chat shit at you all night

Cosmo: unless they can, then you need to throw them in the camp fire

Amber: I can't believe I have to tell you again to stop trying to hex me

Amber: if we get to 9 something spooky is definitely gonna happen

Cosmo: s’what I’m really doing here, obviously

Amber: 🧙🏽‍♂️

Cosmo: Never seen ‘em

Cosmo: he’s the best one though, right?

Amber: I’ve not either, so if he isn’t I’m not starting a fight deliberately, I promise

Cosmo: 😏

Cosmo: I’ll ask my nan, she’d know

Amber: I could knock but I think that’s how she’s meant to contact me so it’ll be easier if you do

Cosmo: Moving shit a quartre of an inch isn’t exactly the best means of communication

Amber: not in Dash’s room

Cosmo: Yeah

Amber: if I was a 👻 I’d float myself there

Cosmo: Gutted

Cosmo: don’t you have to haunt where you die

Cosmo: you don’t wanna be stuck with him for eternity

Amber: True, it wouldn’t be worth it to briefly escape him and everyone else for now

Cosmo: You can though

Cosmo: when your parents are satisfied

Cosmo: my room is free

Amber: I’m allowed in your room?

Cosmo: not a blanket rule

Cosmo: but tonight

Amber: Okay

Amber: [she should definitely leave something for him, I’ll have to think what]

Cosmo: thank me later for the better smell, like

Amber: I’ll think of a way to express how deep my gratitude is

Amber: 💭💭💭💭💭💭💭💭💭

Cosmo: One of us having a good night is enough

Amber: it isn’t too late for us both to have a good night

Cosmo: it is

Amber: You’re not someone who gives up that easily

Cosmo: I’m not

Cosmo: I’m not giving in

Amber: then you can turn it around

Cosmo: By myself

Amber: or not, it depends what you want

Cosmo: nah

Amber: Why not? You’re anti moping, right?

Cosmo: I’ve told you, I can’t see you

Amber: I can’t be the only person who’d make you happy, that’d make me too ⭐️ and you’ve also told me I’m not, that you don’t think anybody is

Cosmo: I don’t

Cosmo: but it’s too late and I’m too drunk to pretend I don’t know where I wanna be

Amber: If there’s somewhere you know you wanna be, maybe that’s where you should be

Cosmo: It’s not that simple

Cosmo: and it shouldn’t be

Amber: What’s ever simple? Unless you’re a 👶🏽

Cosmo: Exactly

Cosmo: I can’t just do what I want, because I want to, not me

Amber: that doesn’t mean what you want isn’t important, because you feel like you can’t act on it

Cosmo: It is less important than what I need to do

Cosmo: what I’m going to

Amber: you need to get right with the things you’re ignoring, before it fucks you up

Cosmo: Don’t lecture me

Amber: I’m not trying to

Cosmo: The things I’m ignoring would fuck me up, it’s not the other way round

Amber: I’m sorry

Cosmo: Whatever, you don’t know what you’re talking about, so it doesn’t matter

Amber: Maybe because I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re being deliberately vague

Cosmo: I’m not going to explain it

Amber: because…?

Cosmo: If you can’t work it out then you don’t need to know

Cosmo: Forget about it

Amber: It’s not a game and we’re not 👶🏽 if you think I should know something, communicate it to me

Cosmo: I don’t want to

Amber: you can’t put the blame on me if you won’t when you know I hate assumptions

Amber: you’re fucking confusing, I could be wrong

Cosmo: You’re more confusing

Amber: No I’m not

Cosmo: You fucking are

Amber: I’m trying to get you to get rid of any confusion!

Cosmo: You’re trying to mediate like you’re a fucking life coach

Amber: I said earlier that’s not what I’m trying to do

Cosmo: You can’t fix my life

Cosmo: why do you think it even needs fixing

Amber: not your life, the night you were having

Amber: it escalated how things usually do with us

Cosmo: I don’t even have a temper

Amber: Maybe it is my fault, and this is another of those I don’t know I’m doing it or can’t help it moments

Cosmo: That’s not what I meant

Cosmo: You do make me angry, frustrated really

Cosmo: I just meant I’m not usually, I wasn’t blaming you

Amber: But what I mean is, I’m used to having to fix things, because they’re already so chaotic, if I didn’t at least try…

Amber: making my parents happy is like, what I’m here for

Cosmo: It isn’t

Cosmo: it shouldn’t be

Amber: It’s not your turn to try and fix how my life is going

Cosmo: If you live for your parents’ happiness, you’re gonna be miserable, trust me

Amber: everyone has a role within their family, I’m the glue in mine

Cosmo: Yeah, everyone does, they’re your mum and dad and your their kid, nothing more

Amber: I don’t wanna make you angry, or frustrated, we should just drop it

Cosmo: Drop what?

Amber: any conversation thread about my parents and the misery you think they’re causing me

Cosmo: Right, you don’t like it when it’s on you

Amber: I don’t like that all you do is run them down

Cosmo: I don’t, you take offence on their behalf ‘cos you know I’m not wrong and clearly some of the ways they treat you are

Amber: You do and I take offense because it's offensive

Cosmo: What have I ever said directly about them?

Cosmo: Fuck all

Amber: I don't want to do this, I said that

Cosmo: You’ve got to say your piece and now we’re done

Cosmo: 👍

Amber: You've said plenty

Cosmo: Bullshit but you tell yourself that, Amber

Amber: If I'm looking back on this later, I'll probably be doing it to remind myself of all the times you've closed off a topic and I've shut up

Cosmo: I’ve stopped talking, the topic is closed and the conversation is over

Cosmo: Have a good night

Amber: Fine

Cosmo: [Question is do you think she would come over/go in his room now? Because she could be there when he gets back, like obvs he’d go sleep elsewhere but it could lead to them actually talking again in the AM when she realizes]

Amber: [I was thinking yeah if she gets drunk and/or high after this convo and especially now because my mischievous plan is that she could stick 9 glow in the dark stars in random hard to find spots in his room since everyone knows they are hard to remove and would annoy him and it's like good luck ignoring that dickhead lol]

Amber: [but would he be at his dad's house cos of it being the weekend?]

Cosmo: [Well I vibe it’s more of a choice now he’s basically an adult anyway he probably wants to spend his evenings with his gf now lbr so I don’t think it’s a stretch to say some weekends he comes home, and some week nights he might see his dad, WHICH REMINDS ME, if he’s in his last year of school, assuming Ireland’s schedule is anything like ours, he’s probably out of school on our timeline, maye some final exams to go in for]

Amber: [tea because clearly Dash is spending like no time at home or with his dad at this point and isn't being forced to unless it's a special occasion like the meet the gf roast and yeah that's a good point it is June so he probably is doing exams rn I wish I knew Ireland's vibe better than I do, I'm totally down for y'all to awkwardly see each other in the morning obvs that do be the shit I love]

Cosmo: [I’m sure it has to be roughly the same but it was worth noting that he’s basically out of school now ‘cos I just realized when we did socials, but exactly, I can’t see their dad making them, he’s not that kind of dad, but obviously they spend loads of football time together and that’s mainly it is honestly the vibe for everything anyway so]

Cosmo: [do you reckon she would have intended to fall asleep there or accidentally did, just nosy lol]

Amber: [definitely an accident and then it's like ! Because no idea if his fam are up and awake even though in my head it's early af]

Cosmo: [soz Ali deffo is even if Billie is having a lie-in lmao, also we know Cosmo is hungover but still has to be up of course]

Amber: [I just imagine Ali is outside so she can't leave via the window or she'll deffo be seen so trying to sneak downstairs and running into him like oh]

Cosmo: [and we’re not not smiling and asking ‘sleep well?’ which we genuinely mean even if we make it sound #bants to cover our surprise/state lmao]

Amber: [soz to you both that her angry face just makes her look adorable because she's genuinely frowning because she's fuming at you boy, but obvs raiding your fruit bowl or bread bin or whatever for an on the go breakfast because what are boundaries]are boundaries?]

Cosmo: [frowns back in what could definitely be construed as a pisstakey manner because doing it OTT but we’re actually feeling it too like what have I done? ‘Help yourself’ again we’re not like DON’T TAKE OUR FOOD BITCH really but it’s in the same tone as before]

Amber: [just the visual of her like peeling an orange or something in an angry manner is sending me tbh, just looking at him like do you have anything real you actually wanna say to me or nah]

Cosmo: [so amusant, just raising our eyebrows like how about you ‘cos you ain’t said shit, and going to make ourselves a protein shake or whatever the fuck]

Amber: [pours self a glass of juice or water, drinks it and washes and dries the cup all in a very deliberate and pointed silence like if you’re not gonna say sorry to me then I’m not gonna say anything, who is letting this teen girl date an old ass man in a bit]

Cosmo: [her permissive parents but can’t bring that up now, the dramatic silence as we just loudly blend this shit up lmao]

Amber: [you gotta go realistically gal but I can’t wait until he finds those really annoying glow in the dark stars lol]

Cosmo: [love that]

Amber: [is she finding out about the 2nd date because of him posting/getting tagged by Ruby on socials or have you got another way in mind? Because I was thinking maybe we should leave it until they’ve been on a few more so it’s more of a thing and they obviously aren’t just friends if that’s how]

Cosmo: [That’s kind of how I imagined it tbh, because there’s no need to talk about every date you go on but if you’re like exclusively dating someone then yeah you’ll have to mention that sooner or later lol]

Amber: [and definitely no need to for you to mention every date he goes on gal especially if you don’t know if it is a date or not because you’d look cray]

Cosmo: [I’m sure you don’t post them usually but it obvs seemed like that’s what Savannah wanted out of the exchange but looking at all his tagged like hmm no doubt lol but anyway, for now texting you a suitable amount of time later but deffo still AM just not immediately]

Cosmo: Are you seriously mad or what

Amber: What do you think

Cosmo: I don’t even know what I said, come on

Amber: Thanks for saying I could use your room, even if you don’t remember

Cosmo: I do remember

Cosmo: I didn’t expect you to be there still this morning but beside the point

Amber: Me either, I wasn’t planning on falling asleep, sorry

Cosmo: No, it’s fine

Cosmo: I offered you a place to stay, I just thought you wouldn’t

Amber: maybe I shouldn’t have but it felt like a good idea last night

Cosmo: Why not?

Cosmo: You got breakfast and a bed to yourself, can’t be all bad

Amber: I thought you’d be in your fancier postcode, it’s your bed and the missing ingredients in that loud blender

Cosmo: I debated it but it was easier to come back here

Cosmo: I can live without my bed and some 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍌🍇🍓🍒🍑🥝

Cosmo: otherwise I wouldn’t have offered

Amber: I won’t launch into a speech about the life saving benefits of 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍌🍇🍓🍒🍑🥝 before you’ve had much more ☕️ you can relax

Cosmo: Wasn’t going on a starbs run

Cosmo: but I’ve got a keep cup for if I do so you can forgive me

Amber: For that, I do forgive you, sure

Cosmo: Well, I’m not gonna beg

Cosmo: Stay in a strop if you’re gonna be like this

Amber: Because I've not done any pouting at you, but I'm not gonna when you like it so much

Cosmo: Shut up I do not

Amber: 😶 But you’re lying

Cosmo: And you’re being moody so it’s 1-1 as far as anti-⭐️s

Amber: I’m not calling another new truce until you start being nicer to me

Cosmo: I’ve not got time to be nice to you this morning

Cosmo: but I wasn’t mean to you anyway, don’t start that again

Amber: Yes you were, but we can talk about it when you’re ready to admit that’s true

Cosmo: For fuck’s sake

Cosmo: Can’t you just be normal? There’s no point having a row over nothing

Amber: if that’s what’s normal, no

Cosmo: What did I actually say that was so upsetting then

Amber: You’re just so stubbornly confrontational

Cosmo: I didn’t say I was perfect

Cosmo: and who are you to call me stubborn

Amber: not knowing who I am to you is a different conversation

Cosmo: You aren’t someone who I’m going to change my entire personality for

Cosmo: no one is

Amber: I don’t want to be that person, but I also don’t wanna be someone who apparently does nothing but annoy you

Cosmo: You’re the one calling me a horrible person, and you get to be mad?

Cosmo: I never said that was all you did, it isn’t

Amber: You’re not a horrible person, you have horrible communication skills and you make me feel like getting under your skin is all I do

Cosmo: Well I don’t think you’re great either

Amber: Petty but clearly true

Cosmo: I don’t know how you think lecturing me more is going to fix anything

Amber: your ignoring it method isn’t going to either

Cosmo: So

Cosmo: are you gonna talk to me and try something that might or what

Amber: Not if you don’t have time, you’re already mad at me, it’ll be worse if I ruin your schedule again

Cosmo: You make me sound like a 👹

Amber: the grumpiest 🐐 maybe

Cosmo: didn’t you say you don’t like the goats?

Cosmo: rude

Amber: 🐓 then, some of them get really 😠

Cosmo: Just call me a dickhead, alright

Cosmo: what animal do you reckon you are then

Amber: Which sea creature is the most irritating?

Cosmo: Jellyfish, I’d say

Cosmo: or some spiky shell thing you accidentally stand on

Amber: You do always accidentally upset me, accurate

Cosmo: You’re skulking about under the sand where I’m trying to paddle

Amber: ask yourself why you’re not noticing me, boy

Cosmo: you’re covered in sand, girl

Amber: You’ve seen me covered in sand before

Cosmo: don’t tread on me as a motto is already taken, sorry

Amber: I’ll think of something

Cosmo: Let me know

Amber: but don’t wait up, you looked like you didn’t sleep as well as me

Cosmo: I appreciate the concern

Cosmo: I’m gonna sweat it out

Amber: I did earlier 🧘🏽‍♀️

Cosmo: You better have cleaned up after yourself

Cosmo: You were in my room not his, remember

Amber: it’s not something I’d forget

Cosmo: the smell is better

Amber: and you don’t have 🕷🕸

Cosmo: Are you scared of them?

Amber: not when I’m in this country, but cobwebs getting stuck in my hair isn’t what I want out of a study spot

Cosmo: 😏 fair enough I reckon

Amber: Are you?

Cosmo: No, not really, there’s plenty around here so they don’t bother me

Amber: I’ll have to leave something other than a rubber spider in your bed, I’ll think about that too, I guess

Cosmo: If you wanna talk about petty

Amber: 😂 I don’t if you’re gonna talk about me

Cosmo: 😶 then

Amber: But really, you won’t even know I was ever there

Cosmo: I’m not worried

Amber: because I did such a good job before, it wasn’t Dash cleaning up what was supposed to be his room

Cosmo: Tah

Amber: I like to leave places how I found them, and your room is nice

Cosmo: ⭐️ for you

Amber: don’t give me sarcastic ⭐️

Cosmo: don’t talk about it, we’ve already agreed

Amber: I’m not talking about it

Cosmo: 👍

Amber: 😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

Cosmo: I need my hands now anyway, so I’ll talk to you in a bit

Amber: okay

Cosmo: [send a gym selfie like proof like you absolutely do not need to we see you]

Amber: [The levels she would be dying because that's only the 2nd selfie he's ever sent so not expecting that and we all know what he's looking like]

Amber: It's too early for you to be non sarcastically ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cosmo: The schedule disagrees

Cosmo: and doesn’t stop for a hangover either

Amber: Is sending me selfies part of your schedule now? 😁

Cosmo: even I have time for a click and send

Cosmo: so if you like, sure 🤣

Amber: terms of the truce

Cosmo: okay

Cosmo: what do I get?

Amber: What do you want?

Cosmo: Hmm

Cosmo: What do I think is equal to a 🤳 a day

Amber: I could make you breakfast that’s actually edible

Cosmo: Hey, my breakfast is edible

Cosmo: Not exciting, but definitely edible 😏

Amber: Well, when you want exciting, I can give you that

Cosmo: Alright

Cosmo: You owe me

Amber: tomorrow?

Cosmo: Tomorrow, alright

Amber: practice your not hating it face

Cosmo: you’re the one who can’t control her face

Amber: What?! Yes I can

Cosmo: Bollocks can you 😂

Cosmo: You’re beyond an open book

Amber: maybe that’s how I am around you because I don’t like it when you misunderstand me

Cosmo: I’m not complaining

Amber: I’m only gonna accept constructive criticism after you’ve eaten, anything else is getting pouted at

Cosmo: Generous

Cosmo: as you think I love it so much

Amber: I want us to be friends again, obviously

Cosmo: Me too

Cosmo: so I won’t make you pout before breakfast, promise

Amber: and I won’t say that sounds too good to be true

Cosmo: Have faith, like

Amber: in you or me?

Cosmo: 🤔

Cosmo: Both

Amber: 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Cosmo: Do you believe in anything like that?

Amber: I don’t know, sometimes

Amber: but at other times it feels like wishful thinking

Cosmo: I get you

Amber: What about you?

Cosmo: I think I do, yeah

Cosmo: Plenty of things in my life make it so I kinda have to

Amber: that makes sense

Cosmo: It does?

Amber: it’s a realistic reason to believe in something, which means it’s a very you reason

Cosmo: Well you either believe because you need the hope or you feel #blessed, right?

Amber: I think so

Cosmo: and we all know which one I am

Amber: Likewise

Cosmo: I haven’t got Beckham level tattoos or anything though, just FYI

Amber: not yet anyway, but when you turn 18, right?

Cosmo: Totally, full sleeve ASAP

Amber: Everyone really would start calling me a bad influence

Cosmo: I don’t know who’s 👀 and 📢

Amber: A LOT of people have their eye on you, football star

Cosmo: Just my feet

Amber: it’s a very painful place to be tattooed, you’d wanna go easier on yourself for the first time unless you’re trying to put yourself off

Cosmo: I guess I’ll keep my 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 off my body and to myself then

Amber: how humble of you

Cosmo: Not really, I’ve not exactly got his body for it

Amber: You’ve got yours which I have 👀 and could 📢 about

Cosmo: Ha, shut up

Amber: Because I don’t wanna embarrass you, not because it’s untrue

Cosmo: There’s every need for protein shakes, tall = good but scrawny never is

Amber: but you’re not, you showed me the proof earlier

Amber: 💪🏽⭐️

Cosmo: I try

Cosmo: Anyway, what are you doing today?

Amber: I’m on my way to a friend’s house, she’s sick so I’m gonna stay with her until her mama gets off work later tonight

Cosmo: That’s nice

Cosmo: you offering your food services and making her 🥣?

Amber: I made soup before I left but I don’t know if I’ll be eating it by myself

Cosmo: Won’t say I’m now wondering how bad a cook you are

Amber: shh, she was throwing up BEFORE

Cosmo: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Amber: and hopefully not contagious either, or I’ll raincheck breakfast

Cosmo: your mum not have masks?

Amber: of course and I always have one with me if I’m sick but isn’t it rude to arrive like 😷 when she is and I’m there to take her mind off it?

Cosmo: Potentially

Cosmo: let me know if you’re dying then

Amber: maybe crossing myself will work

Cosmo: do you know the patron saint of sick people?

Amber: I don’t, but now I’m gonna find out

Cosmo: You should

Cosmo: there’s usually some specific ritual you have to do, you’d like it

Amber: If you don’t hear from me again it’s because there’s so many patron saints and I’m still trying to research them all

Cosmo: If she’s not up for being decent company, you’re welcome

Amber: ⚽️ has one! Did you know?

Cosmo: Didn’t but not surprised

Cosmo: tell me

Amber: There wasn’t anyone representing you until 2010, I don’t really understand why this specific man was chosen, it says because he represents values that are developed through sport like fairness, determination etc and he’s linked to youth, but in his life he was running orphanages and a school for deaf-mute girls, nothing to do with ⚽️

Cosmo: I can kinda see it

Cosmo: the academies are a bit like orphanages

Cosmo: that’s cool

Amber: that’s a sad idea, worse than when I pictured the hunger games

Cosmo: Not me

Cosmo: it’s a well-known poverty out for working-class kids

Cosmo: posh boys don’t play football

Amber: Oh, maybe that is the connection they were going for

Cosmo: God knows

Amber: what do posh boys play?

Cosmo: Rugby, golf, tennis…

Cosmo: most everything that they think is ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ and not too physical and classless

Amber: Crazy golf does look fun though, we should do it next

Amber: ⛳️🤡

Cosmo: We don’t have to wear the get-up of actual golf

Cosmo: I’m down

Amber: 🥺 I was looking forward to seeing you in it!

Cosmo: 😏

Cosmo: okay, okay, I will if you can

Cosmo: [god I hope I have a photo that works lmao]

Amber: I’ll figure it out, I’m friends with a LOT of preppy 🤓s

Cosmo: You are halfway there yourself, checks out 🤓

Amber: You’re lucky I’m back in a good mood

Cosmo: 😁

Amber: but I won’t be if you can’t fit me in soon

Cosmo: I doubt we can do that before school

Amber: Don’t worry, I won’t use my pout to force you to skip school

Cosmo: Not this close to being done

Cosmo: Definite bad influence behaviour

Amber: 👼🏽

Cosmo: I don’t want to fail now

Cosmo: even if it doesn’t really matter

Cosmo: still be embarrassing

Amber: Not wanting to fail is enough of a reason, even if you do have a safety net that technically means you’ll be fine

Amber: so if I have to miss you for a while and make do with your promised daily selfie, it’s okay, I’ll stop myself sending any distracting pics back

Cosmo: ** dream job, not safety net

Cosmo: You’re gonna miss me?

Amber: You’re, like, my favourite person to hang out with, I know I’ve essentially told you that before

Cosmo: I guess I’m not used to hearing it put so honestly

Amber: it sounds like you need better friends besides me

Cosmo: oh yeah, my friends are definitely the sort for deep and meaningfuls 🤣

Cosmo: I’m alright for them telling me they love me or whatever tah

Amber: You’re welcome that I came through your window

Cosmo: Your loss for not giving me the chance to thank you properly

Amber: maybe, but my walk is over and now I’ve got nursing to do

Amber: you’ll have to take the opportunity thank me over breakfast

Cosmo: Bright and early then, hippie

Amber: Should I use the door for once?

Cosmo: If you’re not painting a red cross on yours, yeah, you should

Amber: I’ll think of a secret knock to do 9 times, giving you plenty of time to do it yourself, put on a mask or say a prayer

Cosmo: I’ll be ready

Amber: Have a good day and night

Cosmo: Nerd

Amber: bringing 📚 is a just in case thing that I’m not gonna apologise for 👋🏽

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samwrights · 5 years ago

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Growing Pains - Punk!AU [Makki]

Here is the last of the “first chapters” for each route. Each chapter is released in the order of the setlist which I will leave a link to down below. If you haven’t read the prologue, you can click right here to read Elixir. A link will also be provided at the end of the chapter. Artwork is not mine so if we find the artist, can someone let know so that I can properly credit them?

Lyrics that are italicized are sang by you and lyrics that are bold are sang by Makki.

WARNINGS: language, cheating, consumption of alcohol, use of nicotine and marijuana.

Word count: ~4.5k

Song(s) used: Growing Pains as well as one stanza of In Bloom by Neck Deep.

A complementary playlist can be found » here

I would give my left arm for Makki. I’m left-handed.

“Can we run Growing Pains again? I wanna try something different.” You ask hesitantly, looking at Hanamaki with a quirked brow. As the writer of the song, as well as a couple others, Makki made it a point to sing the songs he wrote. At first, you took offense to it, thinking that he didn’t have faith in your skills. Even to this day, he never did tell you why he preferred it as such, but he swore up and down that it had nothing to do to you.

“Oh yeah?” The tone of his voice isn’t suspicious, but almost full of wonder. Or as close as he could get to it with his lackluster drawl. “Watcha thinking?”

“Do you trust me enough to at least take more than twenty three fucking words in this whole damn song?” Makki gives a roll of his eyes before swatting at your head, goading you to just get on with it. “Just back for me until the second verse? After that, it’s all yours.” His left eyebrow, donning two, black hoops, shoots up in confusion but nevertheless, he shrugs its off. Of course he trusts you.

“Alright, Growing Pains it is,” Kuroo looks over to Terushima to make sure he’s ready to move before tossing a lazy, knowing grin to the bassist just to rile him up a tad. “Stupid name, by the way.”

“Oi, shut it, discount rooster.” Before the banter can continue, Kuroo starts with the opening shrill riff before the boys join in. Makki’s eyes are focused on you solely, watching to make sure you’re keeping time, giving you little tells to keep you on track with the pace by backing the tail end of every line. The way the bassist’s beady eyes lock onto yours is enough to make you lose focus for a moment, your mouth running the slightest bit too dry, causing your voice to waver slightly. Makki catches it, no matter how well you try to hide, his lips turning upward at the corners in a smirk. In an attempt to recover, your tongue just barely peaks out of the counter of your mouth before you swallow air back into your lungs.

I’ve got skeletons I hide In the back of my mind where I question myself I dwell on the past just like everyone else

It’s a challenge, trying to focus on the task at hand. You knew the words and the tempo, your surroundings and who is present in the room. Yet the only thing you can focus on is how Makki is looking at you with this glassy, stone grey eyes. Despite the bruising bags around them, thanks to the lack of sleep he’d been suffering lately thanks to his job, Hanamaki was truly a pretty man.

It takes everything in the fibers of your muscles to try to not read into his expression so as to fuel even more fantasies that maybe, just maybe, this isn’t unrequited love. But it’s a challenge considering he’s staring so intently as if he’s trying to tell you something through a telepathic link that’s been long severed. Quickly, you push down the thoughts again as the two of you round the chorus, layering over each other’s voice for a subtle drop of depth, worried that your mind will start to warp and you’ll delude yourself into thinking he’s singing directly to you.

When I’m away and you can’t sleep Just know that it’s the same for me.

What a ridiculous notion, you think, as Makki takes over the primary vocals and you switch to backing. And while you would never tell him this, you intentionally had Hanamaki take control back over the verse that you knew was written for his girlfriend. It wasn’t a challenge to figure out, considering he had included a sort of time stamp in the verse. But maybe, just maybe, as you harmonize the bridge, you can trick yourself for a moment that the one of the first ever romance-esque songs he’s ever written is about the woman to his right as opposed to the woman on the couch.

They don’t know what he share in the briefest of moments I’m head over heels for the smallest components

With Makki in control, your mind wanders again, along with your eyes as they finally pulled away from gloomy, glittering glaze. There’s a mix of emotions displayed on his girlfriend’s face—both pleasant and nonplussed at the same time—but you’re having difficulty pinpointing exactly what the expression is. Confusion passes at one point, as if she had never heard the song before and it was making her the slightest bit uncomfortable. All you can assume is that this is her first time actually hearing his words, despite having attended every practice since they first started dating back in December nearly a year ago. Her muddled expression clears a little, as if she was slowly letting go of silent resentment line by line, but her face fades out of your line of vision as your attention is brought back to Makki. You had a job to do and, unfortunately, the job doesn’t include staring at your best friend’s girlfriend, trying to psychoanalyze the emotions she’s experiencing.

Since we’ve meet it seems like we’ve crossed paths at the right time.

Instead, you avert your eyes to look back at your bassist, mimicking what he had done earlier by parroting the last word of every line to add some form of layering. You’re keeping up the with pace, or at least you think you are. Truly, you can’t tell because the only thing you’re focused are the beautiful, shale stones he has for eyes boring into your own like molten lava and the way his pearly whites that peek from behind his thin, pale lips in a subtle smile. It’s intense and bright, two traits that typically are not associated with the bassist at all. But you’re all too familiar to this look when it comes to Takahiro, regardless of how rare the momentous occasion.

The first time you saw it was when you announced to the boys that were you going to stay behind for two years to work and save money so that the four of you could attend university together. It was a distinct memory for you, as he was the first person you told about your plan. At the time, the two of you were laying together on the floor of your room back in your parent’s house—the only trouble plaguing you was the dichotomy of wanting climb the corporate ladder and wanting to chase your freedom and happiness with the boy to your left.

The only other time it showed was when the two of you went for a blunt cruise, something that had become a thing of the past, listening to songs that featured both a male and female vocalist that way the two of you didn’t even have to spare a second thought to harmonize, and he’d smoked just a little bit too much. Enough that you didn’t feel safe having him drive home for the night and he would crash at your parent’s house or your apartment, depending on the time frame. Sometimes you’d share a bed, trying to ignore the fact that the love of your life was inches away from you. Trying to ignore the fact that he always wound his arms right around you like you’d disappear into thin air if he let go. Sometimes, you’d end up sleeping on your couch for the evening, solely based on the fact that Makki’s head was resting in your lap and he was KO’d.

As Growing Pains comes to an end, you realize what a stupid decision it was for you to choose that song to re-rehearse. Sure, you’d had made small adjustments to it so that you were a bit more preoccupied in the beginning, but that did little for you to stop your mind from wandering. Hell, by the last chorus, when your mind had began to float into the metaphorical clouds, you had given up on looking at Makki and his stupid perfect lips serenading his girlfriend, and just laid on the floor between your friends. It was quite peaceful, actually, allowing the vibrations of all the amplifiers quaking your bones, lulling you in and out of your daydreams. “Sound better that time, princess?” Kuroo jokes, staring directly over you, allowing droplets of sweat to roll off of him onto you.

The way your guitarist looked at you was all knowing, his hazel eyes silently telling you he knew your truth—that you just wanted to hear Hanamaki sing a song that he wrote for a woman, whether it was about you or not. Rather than commenting on that, you spluttered obnoxiously as his sweat dropped over you, pretending to be disgusted though you didn’t actually care. “Gross, Tetsu!” You jeered, scrambling to your feet and pulling the bottom of your tee to wipe off both yours and now Kuroo’s sweat. It’s all jokes and theatrics, as always.

“Pfft, you’re so dramatic, [name].” The guitarist chided.

“Word, I’ll drink to that,” adds Makki, grabbing his beer can off his amp and stepping behind you to clink cans together with Kuroo.

“Ya know, I could just skip the entire song and let Makki do the whole thing. It wouldn’t sound any different.” It’s a light hearted dig at most and very typical of you. However, a glower pulls over the bassist’s expression, his gaze turning hard, but you keep going. “Maybe I’ll go run around in the crowd or something.”

“Yeah, it’s not like we need you to anything.” He didn’t mean it the way it sounded, you knew that he didn’t—there were very few things in his life that Takahiro Hanamaki was serious about and in the ten plus years you’d know him, genuinely rude comments to you was not one of them. But something was off, not that you could determine what—maybe his tone or how quickly he said it? Like he had wanted to say it for some time and he had just taken the opportunity and ran with it. Regardless of the reason, it stung.

Even more so when you were reminded that it was not just the four of you in the room as the girls sitting on the couch not ten feet from you laughed wholeheartedly at your expense. Rather than quipping back, you sucked on your teeth while bobbing and nodding your head. “Okay,” you started off slowly, searching for the words to say. “Okay, uh, fuck you, first of all.” You bit out sourly, all humor gone from your face. Before you can stop yourself, you hook your microphone back on it’s stand and quickly check your pockets to ensure your pack of smokes and lighter were still there. “Second off, I’m gonna go smoke. Feel free to carry on with practice since you don’t need me.”

“Hey, get back here!” Makki calls out with a hint of urgency, but it’s too late. You’re already over halfway up the stairs and you’re not turning back around until there’s chemicals and tar coating your lungs. Alone in the backyard, you make your way to the dead firepit, sitting once again on the dividing brick wall, the flame from your lighter making a crinkling noise as it lit the dried leaves.

What the fuck was that? Maybe a dose of reality, you figure. Maybe this was the nature of your guys’ relationship now. It made you angry. However, you couldn’t entirely blame everything on Makki, even if you wanted to. As much as you wanted to. But it wasn’t his fault you were such a coward and couldn’t tell him that you’d been pining over him pathetically for nearly ten years. It wasn’t his fault that, eventually, he was going to want companionship that you just couldn’t quite offer. It wasn’t his fault that he just didn’t see you that way.

Meanwhile, the boys remain inside, dumbfounded that you had just all but bolted out. “Goddammit, I hate how sensitive she is sometimes.” Kuroo rakes his inked fingers through his already messy mop, contemplating over whether or not he should go try to console you because he knows. He knows why you’re upset and he knows just how in love you are with Hanamaki and he knows that having the girls in such close proximity always bothered you and their presence certainly wasn’t helping your situation. Being the friend that he is, Kuroo makes the decision to start clearing house, looking back knowingly at his drummer while shifting his eyes towards the three women on the couch. With a nod, the two of them make their way over, telling the girls that they need to have a private band meeting and that it was probably best they left.

Hanamaki is upset, far too upset to say anything to his girlfriend who is now being gently ushered out of Terushima’s home. The only thought that’s going through his head is what the fuck?

You’d been so goddamn testy lately, he can hardly joke with you any more without you getting your feelings hurt. As much as he wants to be upset over the fact that you just stormed out in the middle of practice, he’s more concerned than anything else. Typically, you hardly crumbled or cracked from being teased or goaded, you were used to it, enjoyed it even. It was the foundation of this band for fuck’s sake! But he also knew that you only succumbed to pressure when it’s been building for long periods of time, similar to a volcano on the brink of eruption or the way pressure makes coal turn to diamonds. Makki likes the diamond analogy better, he decides. Diamonds were much prettier.

The bassist hears heavy thudding pounding down the stairs to reveal two of the three missing band members, Terushima and Kuroo harboring tight-lipped grimaces. Every cell in the skin of their face reeked with knowing. “Alright, spill.” Makki deadpans.

“What are you talking about, man?” Despite the question, Terushima sits a few steps from the bottom of the staircase, resting his elbows on his knees and he fidgets with his hands. He’s anxious.

“You two know something that you aren’t telling me.”

“Sorry, Makki. It’s not our place to tell.” Kuroo says firmly, folding his fully inked arms over his chest. Everyone held protective qualities over you, especially after a certain incident in college that was never to be mentioned again, and Makki was no different. However, he comes to the realization that they’re protecting you right now and he’s not and it sets him off.

“Just fucking tell me, dude.”

“We can’t.” Terushima presses.

“The fuck you mean, ‘you can’t’, [name] just threw a fucking temper tantrum—“ the creaking of the stairs in front of him stops Makki in his rant, his eyes locking with yours. He sees the rush of defeat wash over you and the way your shoulders slump and he knows that he never should have opened his mouth.

“Go fuck yourself, Takahiro Hanamaki.”

“Wait, [name], that’s not what I meant!” But Makki is calling out to nobody but the shutting of Terushima’s front door closing for the second time in just a matter of moments. “Shit.” The strawberry-brunette hisses, winding his thin, ring clad fingers in his hair out of frustration. What the fuck was going on? It’s quiet in the basement, each remaining member of Elixir wrapped up in their own thoughts before Makki let’s out a sigh, piquing the interest of the other two. “Guess this is good a time as any, but could you guys do me a solid?”

You weren’t sure what upset you more: the fact that Takahiro called you out on having a temper tantrum or the fact that you actually did have one? How embarrassing to be twenty-seven years old, throwing a fit because your muse made a fucking joke. Pathetic. Now you were left in your empty apartment, looking over old lyric sheets in a futile attempt to get some form of rehearsal in, considering you walked out. You’d need to apologize to Teru and Kuroo at some point tonight, but at the moment, the only thing you felt like doing was sitting on your stoop and chain smoking until either your wrist falls off or your teeth fall out; you can’t decide which option sounds more appealing, so you move to sit outside until you find out which is more pleasurable.

Before exiting your apartment once again, you grab a thick leather bound journal that always resided on your living room coffee table and a pen, knowing that all of the thoughts going on in your head were one day going to form a pretty stanza for a song. It was a vicious cycle in which you lived in—bask in what semblance of relationship that you had with Makki, get hurt over the fact that he didn’t return the feelings he didn’t even know you had, lash out because you’re hurt, go home and write potential lyrics down, and pretend it never happened. Lather, rinse, repeat.

With a beer resting on the same step as your feet, a freshly lit cigarette in your non-dominant hand, and the pen in the other, you opened to the next blank page in your leather lyric book. Nothing you’re writing even makes sense, you’re sure of it. Just spilling your guts and heart out with paper the being the only thing to catch the mess. A beat comes into your head—typical for you when it came to the songwriting process—and before you know it, you’re gently humming along to the words you’ve written down.

Stop calling me out, we’re never going to Put the pieces back together if you won’t let me get better

“It’s pretty.” The voice startles you, throwing you into a frenzy of shutting your journal and trying not to drop it in the process. Unfortunately, the buildup of ash on the end of your cigarette wavers at the sudden movement, throwing the burnt filter and cherry onto your arm. You hiss at the sudden burning of your skin.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Hanamaki?” More like how did he get here, considering his car was nowhere in sight. But for now, that wasn’t your concern. You knocked over your beer. “Ah, shit.” You mumble, grabbing whatever’s left of the can and the rest of your belongings before trying to head inside, choosing to not hear whatever explanation he had.

“Come on, [name], talk to me.” No, you think to yourself as you retreat into your apartment, closing the door on the bassist. Preemptively, you tucked your journal away with your movie collection, thinking it was hiding inconspicuously among the dusty cases. You knew what he was going to do next and you had enough. Hadn’t you wasted enough of your life wishing he would look at you the same way you thought you looked at him? What was the point of it all?

The turning of your deadbolt signals you that Makki did in fact do what you thought he would, using his spare key to open the door you locked seconds ago. Hearing the clinking of more beer bottles, he takes long strides to your kitchen after he takes his shoes off. He knows you hated it when people left them on. “I’m not in the mood, Hanamaki.”

“Yeah, I’ll fucking say.” The aforementioned man isn’t playing games anymore—he’s tired of it. But he’s never been one to fight fire with fire, no. Makki’s always been the one to smoke his problems away, letting them dissipate along with the tendrils of his preferred poison. “Let’s go for a drive.” He says finally, despite your back still being turned towards him as you chugged the ale over your kitchen sink. The word sends a wave of nostalgia through you, suddenly missing the way his large hand would rest on your thigh, his free one pressing a joint or blunt to his lips. Thinking of those days alone could make you cry.

At your silence, you hear the gentle padding of his footsteps migrate away from you before returning, a heavy thud hitting your island counter. Turning around at the sound, you notice Makki has a book.

The book.

The book that harbors all of your deepest, most meaningful prose that eventually made its way to becoming a song. “Hanamaki,” you grit out slowly, moving like a cat ready to snatch its prey. “Put it back.”

“You’ve always been such a poet,” he muses, not even the slightest bit threatened as he flipped through the pages, soaking in every word of your neat print. You pounce towards him, ready to snatch the book back. But instead, he yanks it away from you, holding it as far away as possible while he has you right in front of him with your chest resting on the counter trying to reach for it. “C’mon, let’s go for a drive.” You never could say no to him.

Though, in hindsight, you should have. While the actions are familiar with you nonchalantly weaving in and out of suburban neighborhoods and Makki’s god forsaken hand is on your thigh and the right music is playing, it’s not right. Nothing about the two of you feels right anymore and you can feel your heart shatter like glass from your chest and sink right into your stomach.

He feels it too. He can feel the density of the air around the two of you and no type of high can distract him from the fact. But he tries to fight through it with arms metaphorically swinging because he misses his best friend. “You know I was joking earlier, right?” Is what he settles on saying as he hands you the tightly rolled joint. Without a moment’s hesitation, you take it from him and take a big hit, deciding you need the calm right now before you run from this situation too.

“I know, Makki. I know.” And you did. You know you did but you are also very aware that you’ve been so on edge lately that a leaf falling on the top of your car could probably set you off for no reason other than it had happened.

“You know?” The strawberry-brunette repeats with caution, taking back the spliff. “You know, and yet you tell me to go fuck myself and run off. Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong when everyone else knows? I thought we were best friends.” Accusations aside, you can tell he’s a little hurt at being left out. Technically, it wasn’t your fault that your friends weren’t as dense as you thought. They figured out your issue without ever having to tell them.

“Thought?” You decide to echo. “Are you saying we aren’t anymore?”

“Don’t fucking do that. Don’t fucking blow up on me and run away from me and then twist my fucking words because I can’t take it anymore.” You’re so thankful you’ve parked at the very back of a grocery store, away from everyone else so that they can’t hear the two of you right now. There’s no way you would be able to focus on not accidentally hitting a pedestrian at the moment.

“I can’t either.” Shaky breath fills your lungs as you opt for a cigarette rather than entertaining the idea of even touching the man to your right to take the joint back. A brief pause passes as you light the stick before you continue with broken sobs causing hiccups in your words. “I can’t do this anymore, Hiro.”

Surely, you two aren’t talking about the same thing.

“Do what anymore?” Crying was always a weakness that Hanamaki couldn’t ignore and the moment you started, he unbuckles his seatbelt, turning to face you fully no matter how much discomfort was present because of his height.

“I can’t be around you anymore.”

“Bullshit.” He bites immediately, banishing the thought.

“Dude, I just can’t,” one more shaky breath passes your lips before you snap the bullet between your teeth. “Being in love with you for ten fucking years, writing stupid songs about you and pretending it doesn’t hurt? I can’t do it anymore.”

“Like it didn’t hurt me to write mine either? Who the hell do you think Growing Pains is about?” Despite your tear stained face and your red puffy eyes and how gross you probably looked at the moment, you stare at Makki completely dumbfounded.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re so dumb sometimes, [name].” A few tears slipped past Hanamaki’s eyelashes, but he’s laughing. Laughing and covering his face with his lanky hands that are no longer sporting a roach. “Why do you think I insist on singing the songs I wrote?”

“Because you’re a control freak.”

“Okay, no,” he deadpans. “I do it so I can sing to you, idiot.” Unsure of what to do with yourself in the moment that you’re still crying, listening to his confession, you grip the steering wheel in front of you with a death grip, burying your face into the backs of your hands. Beside you, Makki is still laughing, but his tone is light and airy—downright angelic, even. “Ten years, huh? Man, we’re both stupid.”

He wasn’t wrong.

Ten years of stupid, mutual pining that had no reason for existing in the first place. Ten years of crying over one another, thinking it was a bad idea to even attempt a confession. Ten years of playing and teasing to only make tension grow worse. A year of fighting simply because, eventually, one of you got lonely. A year of loneliness because the other thought they had missed their chance ages ago. “We are stupid.” You agree, mumbling into your hands still. “But wait, we didn’t meet in December.” At the realization, recalling one of the verses that the two of you had rehearsed just hours ago, you snap up to face your...best friend? The word didn’t seem to fit him anymore. He’s now sporting a cigarette in his right hand that he’d stolen from you, the rings on his index and middle fingers crushing the filter between them.

“My hire date was December eleventh. I met Momoka in February earlier this year.” It takes you a minute to realize what he’s saying—to process and comprehend it all. That must have been the reason she looked so confused earlier, because she knew that the dates didn’t line up. And if they didn’t line up, then the song wasn’t about her. Oh, shit. That’s kind of awkward.

“You sneaky bastard.” But the name of his current girlfriend brings reality back to the both of you. “Wait, you have a girlfriend.”

“Nah, not for long.” He sings out, a suspicious lilt in his voice signaling he has a plan up his sleeve.

“Makki...” you chide warningly. But before you can continue, he interrupts you.

“I’ve had enough, princess. No more games, no more playing around with each other.” The cigarette between his fingers is now out the window and his hands are on your cheek and anchoring you in place. Not that you have any complaints—for the first time in a long time, you’re able to stare into those icy rocks you love so much and actually feel the reciprocation.

Takahiro Hanamaki is not messing around.

[ Elixir « Growing Pains » A Part of Me ]

Let me know how you guys are liking this series so far? And what favor did Makki ask for?

Wanna see a specific character? Or a different head cannon? Want to see a whole story?

Send in requests!

#haikyuu took over my life #haikyuu!!#haikyu!!#punk!hanamaki #punk!reader #punk!au #punk!haikyuu #elixir #samwrights #hanamaki takahiro #haikyuu hanamaki #hanamaki x reader #i love hanamaki #hq hanamaki #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu imagine

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gg-astrology · 6 years ago

Note

Hi! I noticed no one had ever asked about a Libra Sun Aquarius Moon analysis and I was just wondering if you had a chance to do one? Thanks so much for doing these for everyone!!! It's amazing 💕

Hey there!! 💓 💓 💓 Ahh I’ll do it now! 💓 Thank you for being so patient with me I’m so sorry I’m so slow 🙇🏻‍♀️ 💓 And thank you so much for enjoying them! 💓 I just hope it’s useful for ppl out there 💓

[Below Cut: Libra Sun - Aquarius Moon 💫]

Sl/hyyyyyyy chill jus wanna hav fun

Both of this combination makes for someone who’s a lil mischievous (Aquarius) but also extremely sociable and friendly?

The friend people come to for advice, because you care but you also give it straight. The Aquarius Moon makes you a great problem solver, while Libra sun makes you observative, has good judgement.

You balance between being personably popular with being pragmatic, you can often see what other people are ‘missing’ or what they need. You may often find yourself making sure to be there for them, to show/tell them how to get it.

Supportive and encouraging, because you’re rather optimistic and faithful in other people’s ability to gain/grab/be the better part to themselves. You’re the kind of person who tells someone ‘its ok to fail just as long as you get up again’ -- because you believe in kindness, but you also believe in people.

You’re like ‘hey here’s a thing’ -- but you never tell them what the answer is, they have to figure it out themselves (want to change themselves)

What you can do is being there for others (when they need you) pointing in the right direction and making them accountable for themselves.

Because you’re quite tactful (despite being blunt/straight) you don’t ‘rush’ people or impose yourself too much onto others, especially concerning their belief/opinions. You never tell them ‘straight’ what they need to work on--- Not unless they ask for your opinion/you really think they need a clearer perspective y know?

It’s just that some people might not be open/acknowledge that in themselves. So learning to wait until they make an effort themselves is important for you too

Sometimes you can see others struggle and it jus-- frustrates you because the answer is right there, you pick apart people’s behaviour and try to urge them into the right ‘path’ -- realize that this is only causing you to be personally frustrated. And you can sometimes lash it out on others ksjdnfksjn

You’re way more invested in other people’s well-being than you realize, but at the same time 80% of you is in your own ‘self’ too. Figuring out who you are, what you want, how you feel is where your energy should be concentrated right?

In a way, Libra/Aquarius are fun-loving more than anything, there’s a part of them that’s like....introverted/moody too sdfnjkfn.

But with their social circle, they try their best to be there for them but damn sometimes they jus-- need to get through this alone y know ksdnngk

When it comes to your problem, you become moodier. Figuring yourself out takes time, mostly bc Aquarius is always like ‘did i?? feel sumthin’??’ even when you understand something you have to go back and find out what happened to you emotionally as well.

Doesn’t mean you don’t feel emotions, just that sometimes you go into introspection to figure shit out. You dissect it, you look at it on angles. You do research on it (via internet) you try to understand yourself first before you feel your emotions.

In a way it’s?? kinda scary to be emotional. You’re one of the most balanced/stable out of your friend group, and you know the repercussion of you breaking down/crying would have a large psychological impact (panic) from others.

So in a way-- you may hold yourself back from expressing your emotions completely. Keep it gated somehow, there’s a part of you that’s genuine and authentic-- because that’s important. But it’s sometimes-- sometimes you may jus feel a little distanced. A little like you hold people at arms length even when you like them a lot. Letting people know your hardship, your vulnerabilities, your sorrows can be a little overwhelming.

Especially when you don’t exactly know how to react when people get so emotional over you y know?

That’s why a part of you do tend to keep things light-hearted, not just for others but also for yourself. Libra/Aquarius combination can be pretty discerning with other people’s reaction like if it’s ‘too much’ sometimes. They may not like exaggeration, because there’s a strong need for authenticity in people around them as well.

Libra/Aquarius can have introverted/extroverted sides to them--- when you’re nice you’re moderately nice (there’s time where you sometimes act contrarian to ‘keep people on their toes’ -- show that humility is good but not everyone is always nice y know? -- again, authenticity but also like-- you don’t like deluding people or letting them think you’re something that you’re not/not unreasonable, such an Aquarius moon thing to do)

When you’re annoyed/frustrated, you’d rather close yourself up from the ‘source’ of your frustration--- try to think through it, work it out, deal through wit it mentally/alone ( ‘i need space to think sometimes’)

Anyways, Libra/Aquarius can be a lil awkward with strangers/new people too. They may be charming if they have to impress, very quick to adapt. But if it’s just friends/associates/acquaintances they can sometimes stiffen up and don’t know how to respond (personal/impersonal) sndksjn

Prefers instigating rather than responding/receiving? Libra’s responsive naturally, but it’s diplomatic quality is sometimes aggravated with that Aquarius Moon--controlling, the idea of things being ‘taken too far’ is a pet peeve. The Aquarius here acts as the controller ‘ok thats enough’ or ‘lmao exploit it’

This barely makes sense but basically you want to see some authenticity in others. You don’t like fakeness, like you can get the idea of a public/private person cause shi you have that too (when you’re moody damn it shows) -- but when they fake all the time, when you can’t understand them/knows they’re suppressing their own emotionality you’re like ??? idk how to reach you/I’m sus you’re not really authentic and may need help

There’s a difference between....people who act a certain way but is another, and is aware of both side to them (demonstrate it/shows it) -- compared to people who thinks they’re only a certain way and suppresses/actively avoid being anything else. You understand the former, but the latter who is oblivious to their own problems--- you have no idea how to help/deal with.

Anyways back to you. Sociable and well-liked, with the graces of Libra. But with Aquarius Moon the individual stands autonomous from other people’s opinion/admiration from them, someone can be obsessed with them, but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll answer in kind.

The kind who does well when people like them, but they often hold themselves back from showing that they ‘like’ them back. You’re not a push-over, you have good judgement. Just because someone is in your court/likes you/trust you completely, doesn’t mean you’ll do the same. You gotta get to know them first to make up your mind about them, you can’t vet for someone blindly if you don’t actually believe in them.

Both of these air signs are analytical, perceptive. Especially when it comes to people, environment. Naturally attuned to how people work, what makes them tick, your Libra/Aquarius are more invested in other people’s life even when you’re self-sufficient and independent sometimes.

In a way you’re humble, but you’re also romantic to an extent. You may often find yourself adjusting your own visions/scope of how things turn out, because you’re always a little scared of being lonely/left-alone.

You may often carry too much social responsibilities, because it makes you feel productive/what you can do--- most of the time, when people question you about yourself you might feel yourself coming blank because you need to ‘think about it some more’

Make sure not too think too much/hard because you may linger in indecision about stuff, at the same time-- make sure to spend sometime actively trying to be connected to your feelings. To feel things as it comes instead of after. It’ll help with your reaction/distance you feel from others as well.

You can sometimes give too much to others because you’re compassionate and a humanitarian ---make sure to give some back to build your own self-confidence/self-sufficiency away from people as well.

Ok sorry for the long wait!!! 🧡🧡🧡 I hope you like it! 🧡

#libra sun #aquarius moon #libra #aquarius #libra-aquarius #pHEW this took me SO LONG to do idk wHY #ishqhua #asks

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nothing-personal-my-dear · 6 years ago

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Spartacus : Vengeance Rewatch - Episode 7: Sacramentum

Sex Scene: there’s like 4 whole scenes in a whorehouse, all the sex is happening here.

“Cock”: 5

“Cunt”: 1

“Kill Them All”:

“Fucking Gaul”: 1

Slow motion Face Punch: 2

Episode Name Dropped by: Glaber

Memorable Death: MARCIA (for my heart), Sedullus (because brains).

Favourite Line: “I rival any fucking man, in all things.”

- I have basically one clear memory of this episode. AGRON IN THAT HOODED CLOAK IN THE RAIN SMIRKING FOR ALL HE’S WORTH! Hot damn, I am excited for that scene!

- Holy shit, Agron is even hotter in this scene than I remembered!!!

- Ahh! Donar helping to free the Germans! I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, you can pry German Donar from my cold dead hands!

- I love me some silent killing.

- GERMAN SPEAKING AGRON GIVES ME SO MANY DAMN FEELS!!!! Seriously, when was the last time he spoke his native language? Does he do it with Donar? Was the last time with Duro? According to history slaves weren’t allowed to speak their native language, so maybe it’s been longer than his captivity. SO MANY FEELS.

- The way Sedullus looks when telling Agron the other guard also speaks German, it almost looks like a test, like he wants Agron to prove himself first.

- SAXA BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Lucius kills someone, I’m oddly proud!

- That face slice though.

- Sedullus is just …. He’s the reason Germans are given a bad name, you can see it already.

- LUGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH DAMN, HES SO PRECIOUS! I forgot he spoke English (though really, I’m assuming their speaking latin) in Vengeance, I thought he was mainly all German until WotD.

- “Cock” in German, still counts!

- AGRON’S SMILE! CALLING THE GERMAN’S BROTHER! HE IS SO HAPPY! FUCK!

- OH THIS, THIS I REMEMEBR, AND I FUCKING HATE IT! By “this” I mean Sparty and his jealous suspicions of Agron. Sparty has such a double standard with Crixus and Agron. Crixus is allowed to be the leader of the Gauls with Sparty having basically no say in the matter, but the second Agron wants the same fucking treatment Sparty throws a hissy fit! I’m not trying to be biased, I can see there could be legitimate concers for Sparty with the Germans, as in Agron might separate from the cause and do his own thing with the Germans. BUT, the reason I have such an issue with this whole thing is that Crixus gets to do the same fucking thing BUT HE STILL GETS SPARTACUS’ RESPECT AND LOYALTY! Agron gets none of that, ever. I could write a fucking essay on this subject. To sum up, fuck you Sparty.

- That Eagle is fucking majestic!

- Okay, I have always liked Gallienus, he’s kinda adorable.

- I wonder if Ashur feels a little sorry for what happened to Seppius when he sees Seppia crying. I mean she’s basically still a kid and she has no one, it’s hard not to feel for that.

- Does Gannicus believe Glaber’s speech or does he recognise the propaganda for what it is? In other words, a load of shit.

- Love how all the women around Glaber look empty, depressed, absolutely crushed.

- Poor Thessela, you can see the betrayal in her eyes when Ilithyia lies. Poor baby.

- That crucifixion is pretty intense.

- Okay I’ve been doing a hell of a lot of research on Spartacus (and Ancient Rome in general) but I now know the names of some background characters. Hey there Lydon patrolling the wall ;)

- Crixus looks so damn attractive when sparring with Naevia, I think it’s because he doesn’t look angry when he’s fighting her. He looks calm and focused, it’s very sexy.

- LOOK AT THAT LITTLE SMILE!!!!! CRIXUS IS SO PROUD OF NAEVIA!!!!!

- NASIR AND MIRA FRIENDSHIP!!!! We were robbed!!

- Oh, you can see Mira’s heart breaking. She’s not a fool, she knows Spartacus doesn’t love her.

- Oenomaus and Nasir shaking hands……..WHEN THE HELL HAVE YOU TWO ACTUALLY MET?!?!?!

- Oenomaus should smile more though, it’s so damn beautiful.

- I wanna cry!!!!! Every one is so happy to see Oenomaus, and he’s looking all proud of his children!!!! I NEED SOME TISSUES!

- I seriously cannot get over the amount of love I have for Agron kissing Nasir in front of his kin without any hesitation!!! All the feels man.

- I like that Mira keeps on smiling genuinely when the Germans are brought in. She doesn’t care that she can’t understand them, there is no suspicion in her eyes, she accepts them. Unlike Crixus and Oenomaus.

- Nemetes (you fuck) looks at Sedullus with heart eyes.

- Agron introducing Nasir to the Germans, Nasir smiling and shaking hands with all of them!!! MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS! Nasir feeling more comfortable with the Germans for the simple fact that they are Agron’s kin, it’s fucking beautiful. I just wanna stay in this happy little family without all the drama.

- LUGO PICKS UP NASIR IN A HUGE BEAR HUG WITH SAXA SMILING AT THEM BOTH!!!!! THIS IS THE DAMN FRIENDSHIP I ALWAYS WANTED!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!! There was like a split second hint of this threesome in WotD, BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WE GOT IT RIGHT AWAY!!!!!!

- “Who will they follow?” SERIOUSLY CRIXUS ALL THE GAULS FOLLOW YOU NOT SPARTY AND YOU KNOW IT. fuck this whole jealously shit.

- “Yes Dominus.” Oh fuck. Oh fuck. That is the most heart breaking, soul shattering thing Lucretia could ever say. fuck. Ashur needs to die all the time.

- Talking about yourself in third person isn’t a sign of sanity Ashur (I will vehemently ignore Lugo’s desire to refer to himself as such, he’s my baby).

- Oh the wig, poor Lucretia. But the red colour had nothing to do with Quintus, it was all about Gaia right?

- How deluded is Ashur, how can he think Lucretia is falling for him, how can he think this is real? He is raping her.

- Holy crap, Ilithyia is actually lying on that chair!! We hardly ever see the Roman’s lying on the chairs in the way they are historically supposed to!

- I may not really like Seppia, but hot damn she is so SO attractive and especially in black. She should always wear her hair down, she’s gorgeous.

- Does Ilithyia at least suspect that Glaber had a hand in Seppius’ murder?

- Glaber has wanted Seppius’ men for fucking ages, but they don’t look like much….

- I killed your leader, I forced you to come here, I conscripted you, I basically fucking own you….now swear your loyalty. -___- Do Romans not understand how to earn loyalty?

- I really love it when Ilithyia isn’t playing games with Lucretia, like she genuinely really cares for her. That little smile, her soft voice. Shipper heart is sailing. (I just wish that Lucretia felt the same dammit)

- Is Lucretia wearing the same dress she wore last episode? Or does she suddenly have 2 navy blue dresses when she’s never worn that colour ever before.

- Seppia’s body slave is an older woman, I really like this idea.

- “I seek vengeance.” –Get in line Seppia.

- The Seppia / Glaber stuff is gross.

- “I now gaze into his eyes and tremble at lurks behind them.”

- Oh gods, Ilithyia and Lucretia talking about the cliff….yikes! But also, I mean it’s basically canon that these two are together right? They basically confess their love every chance they get (in their own fucked up way).

- No one should look that happy with their hand inside an animal carcass pulling out organs. That’s just weird Agron.

- OMG I WANNA CRY HE IS SO HAPPY TO BE SURROUNDED BY KIN!

- Oh fuck shit. You can see the moment Agron gets it, when he realises that Crixus will always be above him in Spartacus’ eyes. He could offer Spartacus Glaber’s head and Sparty would find fault with it. This is the moment when I feel so much for Agron. All he’s ever wanted was for Sparty to trust and respect him, as he trusts and respects Spartacus, but it’s never going to happen.

- “I give you my word.” –THE LOOK ON SPARTACUS’ FACE WHEN AGRON SAYS THIS. FUCK YOU SPARTY!

- Dude I really ship Gannicus and Marcia!

- OMG GANNI ASKED MARCIA TO JOIN HIM!!!!!!!!!!AHH!!!

- Fucking Ashur.

- OMG look at how they clutch at each other, I SHIP IT SO DAMN MUCH! Actually might be the only woman I ship Ganni with!

- Ganni insulting Ashur is a beautiful thing.

- “Gannicus has always been a man of few words.” LUCRETIA LOOKS SO FUCKING AMUSED, I LOVE IT.

- Comparing Ganni to a Phoenix, I can dig it.

- Can I just say that Craig Parker is a phenomenal actor. His voice and his movements are so much darker and slower than they were in s1, it’s like his whole body has switched with Glaber’s darkness. It’s truly amazing. Kudos!

- “Ashur’s talents are of the shadows.”

- Ganni don’t lie, you never stop craving the roar of the crowd.

- Mummy and Daddy talking about the kids, it’s so sweet.

- I’m confused though, now suddenly Sparty is on Agron’s side?!

- “Absent choice,” –those words get to me every time.

- Please stop talking about hypothetical Agron death!

- Seriously Ilithyia totally thought Lucretia was talking about double suicide, AND SHE WAS ALL FOR IT. shit man.

- Also, I super don’t find Lucretia slitting her wrist at all traumatic. Is that what all the blood and gore in this show does to you? I don’t actually mind.

- FUCK. YOU. ASHUR!

- I actually don’t like Oenomaus and Sparty being buddy buddy…and like, just beucase his wife cheated on him suddenly Oenomaus is all for Sparty’s cause?!?! I just feel like there were some conversations missing.

- Oh look how quickly Agron loses his smile when Sparty comes around!

- “I’m glad I risked my life for this lot,” – I love salty Lucius.

- “I tire of hiding like frightened rabbits.” –why is it always the rabbits?

- CRIXUS CALLING AGRON PUP HURTS MY FUCKING SOUL BECAUSE HE USED TO CALL DURO PUP!!!!!!!HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!! AND THEN HE TALKS ABOUT WILD DOGS, WHEN THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE CALL NASIR!!!!!! FUUUUUUCCKKKK!!!! This brings a whole new meaning to hitting below the belt.

- You can really see how hurt Agron is by all this, and I know the leaving early was on purpose and he was being petty but shit man, after all he’s put up with he deserves a moment to act like an idiot. the thing is, is that no one seems to see that he’s grown. He’s not the angry boy he was when he was GRIEVING HIS FUCKING BROTHER WHO WAS HIS FUCKING HEART. He’s healing and growing and genuinely wants to see their people safe and free, but everyone is stuck on him being angry and impulsive when drowning in grief. Give the boy a fucking break.

- Seriously the amount of shit I can spew about Agron is endless.

- MARCIA BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- “What would you have me do? Take up offer and turn on those I once called brother?”

- “The whole world has slipped from reason.” –and it just keeps slipping and slipping.

- I love that Lucretia’s plan give all the info for Ganni’s own plan.

- LUGO TAKING ON SEDULLUS! I LOVE IT!

- Fuck me, every time Agron looks so happy at his Germans I get all warm and fuzzy. LET AGRON BE HAPPY!

- OMG NASIR IS SO HAPPY TO SEE AGRON HAPPY! I LOVE IT!

- The wrestling is fucking beautiful, and everyone happy and smiling is beautiful.

- Seriously what is going on with Crixus? He’s super fucking depressed and not even Naevia’s smile is helping. He has his heart back and she is fighting to regain herself, but he had more life in him when she was gone. What gives?

- Lugo is fucking tragic. I love him.

- Lugo making friends with Oenomaus, it’s precious.

- WHY CAN’T THESE PEOPLE JUST GIVE THE GERMANS A FUCKING CHANCE!

- “Would that we were never parted.” – my heart is fluttering.

- Oh my scheming wives.

- It’s like, for one second you actually like Sedullus and it seems like he just wants everyone to get along, BUT THEN THE FUCKER TOUCHES NAEVIA! YOU DEAD BOY!

- Naevia’s fighting face is beautiful.

- I FUCKING LOVE THAT AGRON IS THE ONE TO RUN UP THE SECOND HE NOTICES NAEVIA IS IN TROUBLE!!!!!!

- “Now I fuck the other side of you pretty little face.” –I dunno if I’m just being dumb, but I don’t understand this….like she one has one face, and there’s only one hole of someone’s face you can fuck……I’m so confused.

- Fuck you Crixus for finding it funny that Agron is getting beat up.

- Also, can no one tell that this isn’t a fight for fun??

- I’m sorry but everytime Lugo is on screen I shout “LUGO” in my mind.

- OH WHAT, Nasir has on this super intense (and fucking gorgeous) face when Lugo starts fighting.

- HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM ACTUALLY SCREAMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE GOT A FUCKING HISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Okay but in all this tumbling and fighting, what the fuck happened to Agron. One minute he was on the ground under Sedullus, now he disappeared?!

- I love this huge brawl more than anything. BUT I have issue with pairing Mira and Saxa together. They do it because they are both females and it’s a huge feminist thing right? (I ain’t hating on feminism at all here) but Saxa is a fighter with immense skill and Mira is not, at all. She is just learning how to fight, she’s nowhere near the level that Saxa is. It seems stupid to pair them together just because they are both girls. It’s almost an insult to Saxa, she should be fighting someone as skilled as she is.

- Sparty and Oenomaus taking shit down with one hit is everything!

- Despite everything I said about Saxa and Mira fighting, seeing Mira kicking ass is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen! QUEEN MIRA!

- Agron has suddenly materialized from nowhere to fight Sedullus again, okay sure.

- Oh shit, dude right over the fire.

- There is the briefest of seconds were I’m worried for Agron’s life, and clearly so is he!

- Seriously, I get so annoyed with the editing sometimes. One clip, Agron is on his back, next clip he’s on all fours, clip after that he’s on his back again. C’mon people!

- Where is Nasir though? Who did he end up fighting? Did he win? Did he aggravate his wounds?

- That face slicing though is fucking brutal. Holy shit. I remember when I first saw it I had a few moments of “oh that’s gross”, then it was “shit that’s kinds cool”, to “super fake but I appreciate the shot”. Now all I can think is that it’s so fucking extra. SERIOUSLY, Spartacus has no idea why the fight broke out, he honestly has no reason to kill Sedullus but he does it anyways……. I don’t think that’s a good leader, even if it does work in Sparty’s favour.

- Also that brain is a little stupid.

- OH I SEE NASIR, I have no idea who he was fighting though.

- I fucking hate the look Sparty gives Agron. He’s so clearly telling Agron that he is not in charge of the Germans….WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO CRIXUS TOO!!!!

- Aww, Nasir’s all bloody. I’m weirdly proud!

- Also, Sparty’s speech about animals and being brothers ….. the rebels were fighting the German’s too, so is he calling the rebels animals too?

- Fuck, Agron’s speech. I’m not ready for the feels…. THE LOOK OF UTTER SURPIRISE ON SPARTACUS’ FACE WHEN AGRON DECLARES HIS LOYALTY MAKES ME KINDA MAD, Agron has never not been loyal to Sparty, fuck you Sparty.

- Agron basically renouncing his kin for Sparty….it honestly breaks my heart, and not in the good way. CAN’T AGRON JUST HAVE SOME HAPPINESS FOR ONCE!

- Ooohhh I love the way Lugo says “Sedullus”.

- “Lugo follow.” –guys, I seriously love Lugo.

- OH OH IT’S THE BEATING OF WEAPONS THING!!!!! SHIT MAN THE BROTHERHOOD DID THIS TO DURO WHEN HE PROVED HIMSELF AGAINST CRIXUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS EPISODE IS GIVING ME SO MANY DURO FEELS! WTF!!!!! I’M SO EMOTIONAL!

- Agron beating his chest, what a sweetie.

- Oooohhhhhh I see you Nemetes! Shit, I never saw him being so hesitant and wary and not actually giving a shit about Spartacus and his cause….i thought this whole Nemetes being a dick was a WotD thing, BUT IT STARTS FROM THE FUCKIGN BEGINNING. Shit man, I feel like there’s so much of this show that I missed.

- Why is Ganni always at a whorehouse.

- Seriously what is with all these blue dresses lately?! BUT LUCRETIA IS A FUCKING GODDESS WALKING THE HALLS WITH THE FLOWY DRESS!

- I don’t even have words for Seppia and Glaber sex.

- I’m smiling so much at how brutal everything is, and seeing Ganni fight always makes me smile.

- “Gannicus has made his decision.” –and in such a beautiful way. I love how he killed Ashur’s guy, it was beautiful and him giving up the Rudis is also beautiful and in this one moment in time I really like Ganni.

- I have the urge to watch GotA now.

- Lucretia should stop scheming with anyone but Ilithyia. All these men she tries to persuade do the exact opposite of what she wants.

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hopeididntscareyou · 2 years ago

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Ima be lazy with this because im in the middle of a nauseating migraine and im typing with only one eye opened but lets see where it goes.

With todays culture where people always try to dig shit from the past, ez nitpicking and armchair diagnosing, I'm always going to come off as contradictory. Not that i'm majorly concerned about that. Ive met people who tried to profile me but it never ended well for them. Trust me, its just not a good idea to psychoanalyze me. I'm not going to stop anyone from doing what they wanna do but also you need to realize when you're wasting your time speculating and making yourself look like a deluded fuck. Unless thats your goal then congratulations.

I express myself solely because its therapeutic for me, not because im trying to convince people to believe an avatar that doesnt exist. Its a form of art, an art where you do it for yourself and not for others. Its the same thing as singing in the car/shower or dancing at home in your alone time, these are your private moments where you don't think about what people have got to say. You just do it because you feel like it and thats where i'm at right now. I dont care if people would believe me or not. Im always going to be contradicting myself, not in pathological lying way but more like being honest about my constantly evolving mind. What I say right now wont reflect what i'll say tomorrow and thats just how it is, im not going to try to connect the dots from past to present to just explain myself about everything. i aint got no time for that. The only thing i don't like people commenting about is my relationships, because its not just about me anymore, its involves another person and thats just too much burden on me so fuck it. I'm extremely private about dating now, especially because i don't really get involved with traditional relationships. Its something people don't understand and its none of their business anyways.

To some extent I do actually admire people who live in solipsism because they don't really care about external factors outside their reality. I strongly believe that people are limited to function the way they do regardless of morality, thats why a lot of people can't really admit their mistakes, they genuinely believe theres nothing wrong with what theyre doing and they have their own reasons (again disregarding morality). They're a product of their society or how they learned to live their life for a long time. Its really more about nurture than nature than psychology make it out to be. Blaming it to nature is just one example of psychology's incompetency. There is no such thing as a born psychopath. The psychology media would show you documentaries of psychopathic toddlers to make you believe people are naturally mentally ill and thats just all chemical imbalance and therefore the only solution is for you is to take the pill and be drugged for life! I dont buy that bullshit. I dont care if some kid tortured animals and murdered their family, it dont make them a psychopath. theyre kids for fuck sake with underdeveloped brain, what do they know about morality? We all did fucked up shit when we were kids. I had genuinely dark fantasies when i was young. Some people grow out of their behaviors and some dont because of their own reasons. When a person is not behaving like a regular functioning adult in the society, they always have reasons. I dont believe that a 'mentally ill' person have to be heavily abused as a kid to form some kind of trauma. Everybody suffers in their own way and nobody can truely know that when that suffering only exists to one's mind.

As i grew older i became too distrustful of anything psychology says because fuck psychology and psychiatry. As depressing as it sounds, science is heavily controlled by politics, from medicine to astronomy, you onIy get to learn about what the government choose to share with you. Unless you're the scientist yourself then youre one of the only few who could know the truth. These days we are flooded by misinformation on the internet that you don't know what to believe anymore, but solipsism dissolves that problem for you because it separates you from the idea of relying on the outside world to function.

I don't judge whats right and wrong. I'm just observing facts. Notice how mass shooters and pedophiles blames the society. In questioning, they could tell investigators that they don't know what went through their head. But they always have reasons, otherwise, why would they have the 'victim of the society' mentality? Its pretty evident with pedophilia as a lot of pedophiles claim its a disease that they just cant control. Also child wives were acceptable in the society centuries ago, old men get married to young girls as young as 9-12 years old all over the world, royal families get married when theyre just children. were the people back then were mentally ill then? i'm not defending pedophiles saying its right or wrong but I see why they would rather say 'they dont know' or that they know they're 'wrong' to the police. Some mass shooters have manifestos as well they're willing to share but the public easily pull out the "you're a psychopath/narcissist/incel/mentally ill"card. If people around you are like this why even bother explaining shit? Lets be honest, the average criminal in prison has lived their life more with integrity and honesty more than your local politician/celebrities/CEOs. These people have as loose morals who can do heinous crimes with an actual patterns of disturbing behavior unlike the criminals in prison who dont have the power and money to do it as much and get away with it.

With all these being said, the 'your own reality' realizations gave me a big break from the constant trying to seek knowledge and learn everything. In fact, the more you learn (especially when it regards to physics), the more you realize how little you know and that you actually can't possibly learn everything about the universe in this lifetime. I find that again, solipsism goes well with this and as ridiculous as it sounds, is supported by some quantum mechanics. I don't live my life solely in this philosophy though, philosophically, i lean more towards Nietzsche's and Dostoevsky's concepts of existentialism, they definitely have changed my life for the better more than stoicism, absurdism and of course the pills ;-; but right now, i'm tired of everything reactionary and over-philosophizing bullshit. I am feeling a need of a complete retcon and i dont know what would that be but i guess its time to get on with life and breathe a lil differently

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mittensmorgul · 8 years ago

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3.09: EVIL BOOK CLUB

(I think this is hilarious, because I made a post the other day about how similar the little meta community I tend to talk with the most on here are sort of like a book club who talks about Supernatural instead of a book... but hey at least we’re not using black magic to kill people and stuff...)

So we have a demon who infiltrates a suburban book club and tempts a group of ladies into using witchcraft. It’s all innocuous at first, using spells to get themselves lower mortgage rates and keep their gardens looking pretty year round. Until some very human issues lead them to cross lines from “innocent” witchcraft into “witch on witch violence.”

(And why does the rabbit always get screwed in the deal?! The poor little guy.)

In this case, “book club” is the wink-wink code word for “coven.”

TAMMI: We can't... stop. ELIZABETH: But people are dying! RENEE [scoffs] Amanda killed herself yes. And yes, she killed Janet. Awful, awful business of course, but that's all over now. And think about what Book Club has gotten us hmm? Your husband's promotion, that little trip to Hawaii that you won. And what about me? My home pottery business is finally taking off and you wanna just stop? Do you wanna stop? ELIZABETH shakes her head 'no' and RENEE claps her hands together.

They were deluding themselves out of a sense of personal greed. They were getting too much out of this for themselves. But Elizabeth has her doubts. Yes, she may have benefited from the harmless things she’d used those magical spells to achieve, but when she was confronted with the truth of the source of those magical spells...

SAM: Well see, her house was littered with Satanic paraphernalia. DEAN: A regular Black Sabbath. ELIZABETH: No, the— but she was an Episcopalian. DEAN: Well, then we're pretty sure she was using the wrong Bible.

Dean had also been hesitant to “stop” the coven:

DEAN: If they killed the nut-job, should we uh, thank them or what? SAM: They're working black magic too, Dean. They need to be stopped. DEAN: 'Stopped' like stopped? SAM gives him a look that says 'of course'. DEAN: They're human, Sam. SAM: They're murderers. DEAN looks at SAM for a second with surprise and then shrugs in agreement. DEAN: Burn witch, burn.

And here we have an uncomfortable little moment of hypocrisy from Sam. The witches deserve to die for using black magic, even if most of their spells are affecting “benign” ends (promotions at work, winning contests, etc.) They still killed someone, even if it was just “policing their own” for that one of their group who’d killed someone else with black magic...

And then Sam has his little lightbulb moment, courtesy of Ruby:

DEAN: Hey, hot stuff, we can take care of a few kitchen witches, thanks. RUBY: I'm not talking about witches, you jackass. Witches are whores. I'm talking about who they serve. DEAN and SAM both look confused for a second, but then it dawns on SAM. SAM: Demons. They get their power from demons.

Got it in one, Sammy. But Dean still doesn’t trust Ruby, either. Sam’s already been swayed by what Ruby’s done for them... and it takes until the episode, and Ruby saving Dean’s life directly when she just as easily could’ve let him die, for him to even consider trusting her at all. But he’s still wary. Unfortunately for Sam, it only reinforces to him that Ruby can be trusted.

That she’s “not like all the other demons.”

(insert gif of Dean experiencing period cramps as he falls victim to the witches’ latest curse)

This time it wasn’t a curse, it was the demon.

TAMMI: Funny story, actually. You remember all those dark demonic forces you prayed to, when you swore your servitude? Just who did you think you were praying to? ELIZABETH: This-this isn't – it can't b— TAMMI: What did you think it was? Make-believe? Positive thinking? The Secret? No, it was me. You sold yourself to me, you pig. ELIZABETH gasps and continues to stare at TAMMI in horror. TAMMI: All I had to do was bring one good book to Book Club, and you ladies lined up to kiss my ass. ELIZABETH: No, no, we didn't know— TAMMI: Oh, yes you did. You knew every step of the way, and now your ever livin' souls are mine.

These women had deluded themselves into believing everything was okay with what they were doing. Like Sam did with trusting Ruby.

God he just wanted so bad to believe.

I’ll say it again, hubris is bad.

This is also the episode we learn where demons come from, and how they’re made. That they all used to be humans before they went to Hell. So now not only do we learn that using these demonic magical forces (*coughSam’spowerscough*) is the equivalent of selling one’s soul to the demon who grants them to you, but that all hellbound souls will eventually become demons. Including Dean’s...

So in a way, understanding this stuff ^^ is probably influencing how the BMoL view hunters like Sam and Dean who “work with demons and witches,” and believe it’s left them compromised in the same way the ladies in this coven were “compromised” by their willingness to borrow a demon’s powers. Thing is, by s12 the Winchesters are in a very different place. They’re in no way personally compromised, nor ignorant of the “cosmic consequences” of dealing with monsters.

It’s typically the Winchesters who’ve learned to use these things as tools for themselves.

And now it’s the BMoL who are embodying this hubris. It seems like most of their “specialized weapons” are based on the same sort of witchcraft that they’re accusing the Winchesters of having succumbed to the influence of... but framing it as “technology” allows them to feel like their hands are clean.

But what finally convinces Dean to question his thoughts about working with Ruby?

RUBY: Isn't it obvious? I'm not like them. I don't know why. I – I wish I was, but ... I'm not. I remember what it's like. DEAN: What what's like? RUBY: Being human.

He may not believe her 100%, but it was just enough to sow a seed of doubt.

Much the same as the BMoL’s continued willingness to “help” the Winchesters in s12 has all been in an attempt to win Sam and Dean over, to manipulate them for their own ends. As much as Ruby used Sam in s3-s4, the BMoL are trying to use them again now.

And again, Dean’s not buying what they’re selling, even less than he ended up buying what Ruby was selling... Sam still wants to believe.

#spn 3.09 #s12 meta rewatch #demons i get people are crazy #the colt #hubris is bad

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thejokervaleska · 8 years ago

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sweet dreams (2/5)

Pairing: The Joker (Leto) x Reader Rating: T Words: 1502 Requested by: Anonymous

PART ONE

“We got him,” Frost told you, early the next morning. “He made bail at 7 am and we picked him while we was leaving the police department.”

“Who is he?” you asked from your place on the bed beside J. “Anybody we know?”

Frost shook his head. “Nah, he’s some trust fund kid on his fifth DUI charge.”

“Where is he now?”

“Got him tied up in the car. AJ is keeping an eye on him,” Frost told you. “You wanna see him?”

You sucked in a deep breath, feeling like you’d been punched in the stomach. There was so much you wanted to say to the guy, so much you wanted to do to him. But no, you couldn’t face him yet. If you got your hands on him you’d kill him before J ever got the chance.

“No, take him to the house and put him in the cell in the basement. Keep him comfortable, give him whatever he asks for. Be nice to him. I know he probably doesn’t pose much of an escape risk but I want a guard on him 24/7 just to be safe. Tell him it’s for his own protection.” You glanced over at J out of habit, looking for approval, and half-expected to see him looking back at you. “I want him feeling nice and complacent when J finally comes for him.”

Frost blinked at you and then you saw the briefest flash of a smile. “Devious. Looks like the boss has rubbed off on you.”

“I guess he has.”

When he was gone, you shuffled over onto your side so you could look at J’s profile. Lying beside him like this, it was easy to pretend he was just sleeping.

“Did you hear that, J? Frosty got the asshole who did this,” you told him softly, brushing his hair back and tracing the tattoo on his forehead with your thumb. “Now you just need to wake up so you can take care of him.”

As the days passed and nothing changed, you started to think maybe you were deluding yourself. Even so, you never left his side.

The doctor wasn’t sure if J could actually hear anything but after he told you it was possible and that anything familiar might help, you threw yourself into your new task with a fevered determination.

You talked to him like nothing was wrong, keeping him updated on the status of his various business interests as well as the gossip from Gotham’s underworld. Sometimes you sang to him in the off-key voice that always made him laugh or read to him from the books you knew he loved. You played his favorite music and sprayed your perfume, the kind he liked best, around the room. And at night, you turned out the lights and climbed into the bed to lay down beside him, holding his hand as you slept.

Frost and the doctor didn’t say anything about it but with every passing day, you thought you saw more and more pity in their eyes when they looked at you. You were already drained, physically and emotionally, and each look was another weight on your shoulders.

The only thing that stopped you from imploding was that spark of defiance that J said drew him to you in the first place. You refused to give in; you dug in your heels and kept your chin up.

But at night, when it was just the two of you alone in his room, you didn’t have the strength to keep up those walls.

Eventually, you resorted to begging.

“I’m trying so hard to keep it together,” you told J one night, two weeks in, “but it gets harder every day. As much as I try to fight it, I can feel myself losing hope. I guess - I guess I just need a sign. Something to hold onto so I don’t lose my fucking mind.”

Your words hung heavy in the quiet and you wondered if maybe you’d lost it already.

“Please, J, I don’t know what to do without you.” Your voice cracked and you fought back the tears stinging your eyes, refusing to let them fall. “I need you here with me.”

Met with nothing but silence, you sighed and settled in beside him, threading your fingers through his.

As you were drifting off to sleep, you could swear you felt his him squeeze your hand.

“Maybe you were dreaming,” Frost suggested when you told him about it the next morning. “Or it could’ve been some kind of reflex.”

“No, don’t even say that. We need to get him ready,” you told him as you buzzed around the room with renewed energy. “He’ll be so pissed off if he wakes up looking like a bum.”

“Y/N,” Frost sighed, his voice uncharacteristically gentle.

You hurried to cut him off. “I’m going to call his barber so he can get a shave and a haircut. I’ll need you to go pick the guy up and blindfold him though. He doesn’t need to know where we are.”

“Y/N,” Frost tried again, a little louder this time.

You raised your voice too. “Oh and I need you to go by the house and pick up some of his suits. Get a few different ones so he’ll have a selection to choose from. And don’t forget the shoes, the underwear, the cufflinks-”

As you paced by him once more, Frost caught you by the shoulders and turned you to face him.

“Y/N, stop. I know you’re overwhelmed but just calm down. Take a deep breath,” he told you in a tone that brooked no argument. You realized then that you were practically hyperventilating, frantic and half-hysterical. Focusing your eyes on his, you struggled to slow your breathing and your racing heartbeat. “Y/N, you’ve got to go home for a little while. You need to get away from here and get some rest before you lose it-”

“Before I lose it?” You shook his hands off your shoulders, suddenly furious. “I think it’s a little late for that, don’t you?”

You could practically see the gears turning in Frost’s mind as he realized he needed to change tack.

“You look like hell,” he told you bluntly. “Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

“Excuse me?”

“Do you really want the first thing he sees when he wakes up to be you, looking like death warmed over?” he asked, raising his brows.

You stared at him, torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry. You knew exactly what he was trying to do; Frost was smooth but he was nothing compared to a master manipulator like J. You knew all the tricks in the book.

“You know J would blow your head off if he heard you say that to me, don’t you?” you asked him, smiling for what felt like the first time since the accident.

He nodded gravely. “I know. But he’ll do a lot worse if he wakes up and finds out I haven’t been taking care of you.”

Despite Frost’s skepticism, the doctor seemed encouraged by the small signs of progress in J’s reactions to stimuli. But still, he didn’t make any promises and warned you not to get your hopes up.

“Even if he does wake up, he may not be the same person you remember,” the doctor told you carefully. “We don’t know what kind of effect this injury may have had on him.”

Those words filled you with a new horror. What if he woke up and was someone different? Someone you didn’t know? Someone who couldn’t accept your quirks, your kinks, and your darkness in quite the same way J did.

That night, you sat up for hours, holding his hand and praying for another sign. When none came, you grew irrationally angry. Not at J but at yourself, at the world in general.

“You’ve got to come back to me, J. You. I need you.”

For the first time since the night of the accident, you let yourself sob on his shoulder, remembering how he would always comfort you when you cried, the soothing sounds he would make and the impatient way he’d rub your back as he waited for you to stop soaking his shirt.

When the tears finally ran out, you fell into a restless sleep that was plagued by dreams of him. Dreams of what had been and what might never be.

You dreamed of the first time you saw him, the first time he kissed you, the first time he fucked you. You dreamed of how it would feel to walk down the aisle and see him waiting for you at the end and finally, you dreamed of a little boy who was the spitting image of his father.

You woke hours later to the sound of singing birds and the warmth of the morning sun on your face.

Opening your eyes, you found J staring back at you.

(Tagging: @bitch-its-bigbang)

#the joker x reader #leto joker x reader #the joker x you #leto joker x you #fanfiction #suicide squad fic #rating: t #story: sweet dreams #chapter three will probably be out saturday #assuming the flu doesn't kill me first

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Amelia & Jac

Amelia: Don't listen to what drunk Jesse says Amelia: he needs more shots to get through this but I'm fine Jac: I'm not listening to anything either of you has to say, thanks Amelia: rude Jac: You've got to be joking Amelia: why because I'm not sitting in an empty 🏠 waiting for you like 🥺 Jac: You know full well why Jac: you aren't that drunk Amelia: you're right, I should be drunker Jac: Yeah Jac: that suits Amelia: you breaking my heart every time she breaks yours, doesn't Jac: Don't be dramatic Amelia: 🥀🥀🥀 Jac: just shut up, Amelia Jac: go enjoy your little party with your new best friend Amelia: likewise clearly Amelia: but you can't enjoy it, can you? Jac: You wish Amelia: no Amelia: it's 💔 Jac: You're clearly devastated Amelia: you know I am, you aren't that callous Jac: that's why you're being friends with my brother Amelia: I invited him and he offered to play Amelia: most of the school is here Jac: Feeling the ❤ are you? Amelia: now I am Amelia: you're full of 😍🥰😘 Jac: not for you Amelia: that was the joke Amelia: because you want this to be one Jac: you're the joke, this is just pathetic Amelia: yeah, I am Jac: what is this even achieving Amelia: this conversation? nothing Amelia: I don't know what else I expected though Amelia: you're never sorry or missing me the same, you only have one regret Jac: I haven't got any regrets Jac: sorry to break that to you Amelia: 💋 Sav counts Jac: I don't regret it Amelia: she'd probably still be here if you hadn't Amelia: and you do want her here Jac: doesn't mean I take it back Jac: but actually, I take back anything I've ever done with you, there you go Amelia: okay Amelia: because I deserve that for not dramatically shunning your brother anymore Jac: yes, you do Jac: you've made your choice, so I get to make mine Amelia: no, you've made it for me by making yours Jac: you're the one who decided to cosy up to Jesse Amelia: look over at whoever you're cosying up to right now and tell yourself yet again that this is my fault Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: you're mad because you literally have yourself to blame Jac: I know what I did, you're literally that fucking stupid you don't? Jac: okay Amelia: I'm upset because it's still so fucking easy for you to pretend that I don't exist Jac: Whatever, I'm not going to dignify this conversation with a response Jac: you've made your bed Amelia: you are giving me a response by saying you're not going to Amelia: I've done silence from you, I'm aware what it looks like Jac: if you regret your decision that's 1. your fault and 2. your problem Amelia: yeah Jac: you think you're right because you cry about it Jac: no, just because you know how the sympathy vote works, doesn't mean you deserve it Jac: you fucked me over first Amelia: I don't think I'm right Amelia: I can't remember the last time I thought that Jac: again, what the fuck can I do about that Amelia: I don't know Jac: nothing Jac: your life is a wreck and me saying I love you back or giving you a fucking cuddle is not going to fix that Jac: as if I have the energy or time right now Amelia: of course not, it's only worth your time and energy if you can ruin it Amelia: sorry, tonight I don't need you for that Jac: Good Jac: I don't need you at all Amelia: until you do Jac: so you're a doormat Jac: and a fucking liability to boot now Jac: get a grip, Amelia, for God's sake Amelia: on what? Amelia: I don't have anything to keep hold of Jac: why should I know or care Jac: figure it out Amelia: because you're telling me what to do Amelia: which you wouldn't bother to do if you didn't care, even if it's only about yourself Amelia: I'm not going to tell him, you can stop lashing out Jac: Oh yeah and I'd believe you, why, exactly Jac: when you're not pissed you're an emotional wreck Jac: liability, as I said, so no thanks Amelia: I haven't yet Amelia: but if you won't trust me by now, I have no idea when or why you ever would Jac: Trust, that's a good one Amelia: I know Jac: I can't trust you any more than Savannah could trust me Amelia: that isn't true Jac: that's exactly true Jac: I turned you down, you stopped being my friend Jac: that's your form, that's your record Amelia: no Jac: yes Jac: you'd rather be friends with Jesse Amelia: I'd rather be friends with you Amelia: you won't let me Jac: it's the definition of a bit late now Jac: you punished me for wanting to be friends with Sav Jac: you can't take it back Amelia: I would if I could Jac: platitude helps no one Amelia: I've said sorry Amelia: I keep saying it Jac: It doesn't change anything Amelia: why don't things that have happened since count for anything? Jac: because we're just doing what we have to to survive Amelia: you've told me it matters Jac: anything that could ever happen between us, would always be because nothing can happen between me and her Jac: and that's the truth Amelia: I'm drunk, not stupid Amelia: I know the truth Jac: then you're fucked up Amelia: obviously Jac: how could I ever love you over her Jac: fucking hell Amelia: you can't and you don't Amelia: she's on a fucking pedestal ☁ 👼🏾 Jac: yeah, because she isn't a fucking trainwreck Amelia: because she isn't here and it was never real Amelia: I don't want to be worshipped, I want to be cared about Jac: it was real Amelia: and one sided Jac: no Jac: anyway, that isn't what I'm talking about Jac: I liked her because she had goals, knew what she was going to do with her life, and did things with it in the meantime Jac: even if she didn't reciprocate the rest, that was and remains true Amelia: good for her Amelia: we all have goals Jac: where? Jac: all you wanna do is get trashed and avoid any and all work Jac: you're like my kid fucking sister, there's fuck all attractive about that Amelia: I don't need to have a Phd planned at 15 for it to be considered a future Amelia: and you've never even asked me about it Jac: yeah, okay, in 15 years of friendship it never came up Jac: you try so hard to be 😎 and it just made you fucking boring Jac: in comparison, in general Amelia: in 15 years of friendship you decided I was a screw up Amelia: and boring apparently Jac: blame me for your lack of ambition and passion Jac: it's the role you wanted to play Jac: and yeah, Savannah is better Amelia: you have to have everyone playing a role because you are Amelia: I have ambition and passion, loads of things I want to do Jac: if that makes you feel better about yourself Amelia: it's all ages away, so no, not really Jac: My condolences Jac: the point is, there's nothing you can say to convince me, so just focus on yourself Amelia: the point is, I'll never be her Amelia: I'm not giving you my condolences back Jac: I know that Jac: if you'd deluded yourself any different that's just sad Amelia: I love you, the delusion is that's enough Amelia: and very sad Jac: yeah Jac: it isn't Jac: no one should settle for that Amelia: thanks for stating the painfully obvious Jac: it is you who can't seem to grasp it so Jac: if you need to be told over and over so be it Amelia: scroll back up to where you said that's my problem and my fault Amelia: you're the one who needs to keep telling me, repeating yourself and repeating yourself Jac: because you won't fucking stop Amelia: neither will you Amelia: but okay, maybe you won't come back this time, we'll both pretend to believe that if you like Jac: I don't tell you I love you Jac: or try to be your friend Jac: or anything so fucking gay Amelia: I hope it makes you feel really straight Jac: it's not even that, it's just pathetic Amelia: then I'm pathetic, I don't have a snappy comeback for you Jac: yeah, you are Jac: you fit Amelia: fine Jac: yeah Amelia: bye then Jac: fuck you Amelia: 😂 romantic as that sounds, I'll have to pass Amelia: if only you were here Jac: yeah, you're so amused Amelia: I don't feel anything right now Jac: so happy for you Amelia: 🙂 Jac: is this necessary? Amelia: what? Jac: why are you still here? Amelia: why are you? Jac: I'm home Jac: not having the best party ever Amelia: same Jac: awh Amelia: 👧🏻💔 Jac: you can't even do that right Amelia: oops Jac: I'm not laughing Amelia: I'll do it for you, don't worry Jac: Whatever Jac: this is beyond tedious Amelia: 🥺🥺🥺 Jac: you're pissing me off now Amelia: I pissed you off ages ago Jac: so stop Amelia: stop yourself, you've put yourself in the role of someone who's less of a wreck Amelia: all you have to do is play it for tonight Jac: I'm not dictated to by you Jac: that's the role you've been happy to play Jac: I'll do what I want, as per Amelia: okay Jac: I'm going back over Amelia: do you want me to care where you're going or not? it's a mixed message that I'm either too drunk or not drunk enough to decode Jac: You can tell my brother Jac: more for you two to 😢 and drink over Jac: so welcome Amelia: I don't know where he is, sorry Jac: that tracks for the kind of friend you are Amelia: he's not my Savannah Amelia: we're not joined at the hip Jac: yeah, and that's the only friend you know how to be Jac: what's the point if it's not ❤ yeah Amelia: the point is, I'm not a good friend, you already said it Jac: Ask Is if you want a second opinion Jac: though she lays down as quick as you so you know Amelia: I believe you, that's why I agreed Amelia: I don't want to talk to Is Jac: no wonder Jac: it'd mean more coming from her if she had the balls Amelia: you mean the most, that's why it's coming from you Jac: had another drink, have you? Amelia: 🥂 Jac: yeah, it means so much Amelia: it doesn't mean anything Amelia: I'm just waiting for something to happen Jac: like what Amelia: 💊 to kick in or 🚨 to start Jac: 🙄 Jac: could you stoop any lower Amelia: challenge accepted Jac: and why shouldn't I call 🚨 or your parents Amelia: my parents will be too 😍🥰😘 to answer but if you want to beat the neighbours to the shut down, go for it Jac: I care even less about ruining their good time Amelia: that's why you shouldn't bother calling then Amelia: might seem like you care Jac: I only care about ruining things Jac: so yeah, nice try Amelia: there's fuck all to ruin, it's not fun Jac: your parents 😍🥰😘 Amelia: try if you think you can Jac: you forget I've met them Jac: the phone is never off just in case you need them Amelia: well I phoned them earlier and it was Jac: you never try hard enough Amelia: 😂 right Jac: ta ta 👋 Amelia: 👋 Jac: [obviously whether we call her parents or not is not really relevant 'cos the police would, soz Amelia] Amelia: [you knew it was inevitable gal] Jac: [oh what fun] Amelia: [soz to her parents just trying to have a nice vday] Jac: [you wish hens, kids ruin everything lol] Amelia: [at least you only have one] Jac: [unlucky JJ lmao, and all so close in age, you fucked up] Amelia: [lollll] Jac: [do you want Jesse to be there, get in trouble? 'cos that'd be a reason to carry this convo on tomorrow, like] Amelia: [good idea because he would stay instead of just legging it like jude did] Jac: [you silly soft boy] Amelia: [trying to help everyone but not really helping anyone what a #mood] Jac: [that's so real but rude] Jac: [anyway, I'm gonna roll up on you] Jac: What the fuck? Amelia: You tell me Jac: Okay, I will tell you Jac: stay away from my family Amelia: or you could tell Jesse Amelia: I told him to leave plenty of times Jac: You should have made him Jac: Whatever problem you have with me, you can take it out on me Jac: don't drag him into your bullshit, alright Amelia: I did everything I could Amelia: he's as stubborn as you are Jac: You had to get him involved, didn't you Jac: had to be his mate Amelia: it's not transition year, I have to go to lessons Jac: You didn't have to Jac: don't bullshit Jac: you weren't his friend before Amelia: it's not like we're best friends now Jac: well, if you're going to, be a fucking better one to him Jac: this isn't okay, whatever mess you're in Amelia: I'm well aware Jac: that's not enough Jac: how are you going to make it right? Amelia: what do you want me to say? I don't want him doing any of this Jac: Well, I found a way to make him stop Jac: it's not actually that hard Amelia: he's not taking my no for an answer Jac: You're so selfish Amelia: if you can do better, do it Jac: no, you take some accountability, you useless bitch Amelia: so can he Jac: for what? Jac: being nice to your sorry ass? Amelia: exactly that, yeah Amelia: I didn't ask him to, it was literally the opposite Jac: then you make him stop Jac: because that's the problem with you, you want him to Jac: you want everyone to like you, you're so fucking needy Amelia: I don't give a fuck if nobody likes me Amelia: we're not 15 anymore Jac: that's believable Jac: anyway, then it shouldn't be an issue for you, so do it Amelia: is that everything? Jac: No, bitch, it isn't Amelia: so just say what you came to say Jac: How about you do something Jac: that is what I came here for Jac: you think I trust you to just do it? nah Jac: proof is required Amelia: how about you and your brother leave me alone Jac: How about you have to tell him yourself Jac: because you decided to be his bestie and rub it in my face Jac: so grow the fuck up and sort it out now Amelia: yeah because everything is about you Amelia: he decided to Jac: it is with you Jac: and I don't care how you want to sell it, Amelia Amelia: and I don't care what you decide to buy into Amelia: I don't want friends, I just fuck it all up Amelia: I definitely don't want him as one when he reminds me of you Jac: Good Jac: leave him alone Amelia: I have Amelia: he won't leave me alone because he cares Jac: I've told you, make him not Jac: you don't leave him with a choice Amelia: I don't have the energy to fight him off every time he can't or won't take a hint Jac: I swear to God Amelia: whatever threat it is, I'm not interested in hearing it Amelia: carry it out or don't Jac: it's no threat Jac: I'm done with you Jac: I don't know why we were ever friends Amelia: I knew that last night, there's no need to repeat it again today Amelia: even you don't change your mind that quickly Amelia: and we were never friends, you've repeated that more than enough times as well Jac: I'm serious Jac: why did we last as long as we did Jac: there is nothing even Jac: we have nothing in common Amelia: yeah, me too, I seriously don't care anymore Jac: then do what I've asked and we will have no reason to ever talk again Amelia: we already have no reason to Amelia: the one thing we have in common is neither of us want Jess around, so don't pretend you care Jac: He's my brother Jac: I get that you don't understand what that's like, but certain things override whatever I might be feeling personally Amelia: you're acting like it now to have a go at me Amelia: but my parents get first dibs at that, sorry Jac: yeah because everything is about you Jac: oh boohoo Jac: you're hungover and your soft-touch parents are mad at you Jac: I don't care Amelia: there's no other reason to prolong this conversation if it isn't, we're talked about Jess Amelia: there's nothing else to say about it if he still wants to be friends with me after how I treated him or if he doesn't Jac: because you missed the bit where I asked for proof? Jac: make use of your last remaining brain cell and make it fast Amelia: no, I disregarded it because I don't fucking owe you anything Jac: you owe him Amelia: I told him to leave me alone, the rest is up to him Jac: then show me that Amelia: [the convo receipts from whenever he left and tried to check in] Jac: Thanks Amelia: fuck you Jac: No shit 🙄 Amelia: neither of you listen Amelia: despite barely talking Jac: you can take this up with him when he invariably comes back because you didn't try hard enough Amelia: great Jac: you went there Jac: or do you want me to believe my brother is so gregarious he just threw himself at you Amelia: he does this thing where he goes out of his way to include people, I get that you don't understand what that's like because you shot your only shot with Savannah Jac: No, I get that he felt sorry for you Jac: it was my mistake for not recognising you're seriously not above that Amelia: why would I be above sitting by him in some classes? it's not a marriage proposal Jac: yeah, why would you have any self-respect Jac: why wouldn't you be Is 2.0 Jac: I should never have given you any more credit than her Jac: and I won't make the same mistake again Amelia: you never have, don't worry Amelia: you're still riding high with no regrets or mistakes Jac: you spoilt brat Jac: ask Is if it ever felt the same Jac: you got a taste of it when I met Savannah and you couldn't fucking hack it Amelia: I'm not going to ask Is anything Amelia: and no, I couldn't fucking hack you being in love with her Jac: and you think she could? Amelia: I don't think or care about her Jac: That's nice, isn't it Amelia: so? Jac: so, you expect me to care about you Jac: and you don't care about Is at all Jac: we were all friends Amelia: I literally don't expect anything from you now Amelia: and we were friends when you want to use that to make a point and weren't when you need that to be true Jac: you need to think we were more than that Amelia: I already know we weren't Jac: yeah? Amelia: yeah Jac: then we really are done now Amelia: great Jac: Hardly but it's something Amelia: I'm thrilled you have something to ✔ off your to-do list Jac: You can drop the sarcasm Amelia: I can do whatever I want, yeah Jac: and you know exactly what that is Amelia: maybe, maybe not Jac: it's not my business if you lied about knowing Amelia: it's not your business either way Amelia: maybe I'll change all my plans now Jac: maybe Amelia: the catholic school threat is less of a joke with every passing day Jac: worked for Savannah Amelia: true Jac: how fun for you Amelia: it's my number 1 priority after all, chasing the fun Jac: obviously Amelia: I have to go now Amelia: fire any last shots Jac: I've got nothing Amelia: okay Jac: Alright Jac: bye Amelia: good morning Jac: on what planet Amelia: we've said bye so many times it doesn't feel like a real word Jac: yeah Jac: I know Jac: I mean to mean it every time Amelia: at least you mean it now Jac: yeah Amelia: thanks Jac: least I could do Amelia: the least you could do is stop replying to me, but alright Jac: I don't owe you anything either Jac: that would be a kindness Amelia: would it? Jac: you keep asking for it so Jac: assumedly Amelia: because you keep saying you're done Amelia: it's a kindness for yourself if anything Jac: yeah, that's really my jam Amelia: maybe you're planning to turn over a new 🍃 Amelia: it's none of my business Jac: yeah Jac: I'm thriving, you're so right Amelia: I wouldn't go that far, even as the dramatic one Jac: so let's not bullshit Amelia: oh, it's only okay when you do it, gotcha Jac: I've not Amelia: over 15 years of friendship you have constantly Jac: oh, we're really going to go over every little thing I did or didn't do in 15 years? Amelia: no Amelia: but we're not just pretending you always tell the truth Jac: who does Jac: that would be stupid and irresponsible Amelia: Jude, so that tracks Jac: nah Jac: omission is more of a lie than it is a truth Jac: and she does that all the time Amelia: I wish she'd do it to me Amelia: my headache is 75% her showing up last night Jac: did she tell you she thinks your house looks like a nursing home? Jac: 'cos that is what I was thinking by omission Amelia: I remember her picking up a lot of my mum's shit, but not what she said Jac: I think she needs to be tested Jac: multiple times Amelia: 😂 Jac: seriously, is she slightly deaf Jac: is it behavioural, something wrong with her brain chemistry Jac: the possibilities are endless Amelia: I'll go get tested with her Jac: yeah, befriend another one of them, that's exactly what I set out to achieve Amelia: you achieved what you set out to do Jac: only if you don't turn around and ruin it Amelia: I won't Jac: you're more suited Amelia: what are you talking about? Jac: you and Jude over you and Jesse Amelia: I don't think she likes me, sorry to throw a 🔧 into your virgo-ishness Jac: she thinks you're breaking Jesse's heart Amelia: how? Jac: she thinks he's in love with you Jac: but obviously, you are a massive gay Amelia: oh, him and loads of other lads then Jac: yes, but he is her brother Jac: so maybe she's gonna give you dirty looks from across the hall Amelia: I'll try not to fall in love with her over it Jac: ew Jac: you're vile Amelia: the meaner she is to me, the more likely it is, clearly Jac: that's not funny Amelia: it is a bit Jac: it's not though Jac: she's my little sister Amelia: whatever Jac: don't whatever me Jac: if you go near her, I will actually kill you Jac: it's disgusting, so shut up Amelia: I'm not going to go anywhere near her Jac: don't Amelia: why would I? It's Jude Amelia: she's as close to a little sister as I've got Jac: I don't know why you do anything Jac: to be honest Amelia: yeah you do Jac: it's not the reason I'm doing the degree Amelia: but it's a reason you'll be good at it Jac: you want to take partial credit for my future success now? Amelia: I couldn't if I wanted to Jac: I don't think graduation is like the oscars Amelia: now that I know that I won't need to bother going Jac: 🙄 Jac: you'll be on your 5th gap year or something Amelia: I'm not taking one Jac: right, you've changed your plans Amelia: no, I decided that ages ago Amelia: I'm sticking to it, if anything Jac: it's a massive waste of time Jac: especially when you pretty much have to take that mandatory one as is Amelia: 🥱 Jac: shut up Amelia: 🥱🥱🥱 Jac: 😒 Jac: goodbye then Amelia: okay bye Jac: what did your parents say Amelia: why would I bore you with that when you already think I'm like coma inducing Jac: maybe it'll be funny Amelia: it wasn't Jac: I bet your mum cried Amelia: of course she did Amelia: the state of the 🏠 was enough reason Jac: yeah Jac: well, well done Amelia: thank you Amelia: it's been ages since I've been praised Jac: probably going the wrong way about it from mummy and daddy Amelia: yeah Jac: so fun though, right Jac: worrying everyone to death Amelia: duh Jac: well I did it first Jac: don't think you're special or anything Amelia: you've well and truly killed that possibility, not only do I know I'm not special, I know everyone else agrees Amelia: what other validation could I ever need Jac: you wanted a reaction Jac: you got it Amelia: no, I didn't want to sit in an empty house while you went on a 'date' Amelia: I got that Jac: and the reaction I'm getting to that is still just wonderful Jac: thanks for asking Amelia: you know why I haven't Jac: Darla thinks I should just run with it Amelia: meaning what? Jac: own the whole slut thing Amelia: and what do you think? Jac: I don't know Jac: I don't exactly have a choice Jac: the other viable option is going out with him, like he chose me and not the other girl, but I don't know Amelia: you mean you don't want to Jac: only because he'll probably cheat and I don't want to look that kind of stupid either Amelia: option 3 is going out with her Jac: ha ha Amelia: you're right, she's probably not going to stay faithful either Jac: you're so unfunny Amelia: because I'm not in a 🤡 mood or here to make you laugh Jac: then stop making stupid suggestions Amelia: why? so I can make a real suggestion that you'll like even less Jac: you suggesting something you know I won't do is entirely pointless Amelia: this entire conversation is Jac: maybe you'd be helpful for once Jac: but no Amelia: I'm not going to tell you to date him or to fuck more boys just like him, and that's all you want to hear Jac: you know, not everyone is so sure of themselves like you Jac: and that's alright Amelia: I've never put a label on you and I never will Amelia: that doesn't mean this is alright with me Jac: nothing but me declaring my undying love would be with you Amelia: it's not about what you won't say, it's about what you have Amelia: you're fucking horrible to me Jac: duh Jac: I'm horrible to everyone Amelia: just stop talking to me the way you have to everyone Jac: I'm not talking to you Amelia: you are though Amelia: you literally just said you want my help Jac: so? Jac: I use everyone when I need to Amelia: so go and use someone else Jac: easy Amelia: then go and do it instead of bragging Jac: I'm not beholden to what you want, or your time schedule Jac: you can just go away Amelia: no shit Amelia: if I could go away I would have Jac: Stop whining, honestly Jac: cry to me when they get you sectioned instead of catholic school Amelia: I'll be too thrilled Jac: 🎻 Amelia: *🙌 Jac: you're such a baby Amelia: if only Jac: ugh no Jac: I can't do this conversation again Amelia: then don't Amelia: fuck off Jac: waiting for my ride, tah Amelia: I didn't ask because I don't want to know or care Jac: yeah Jac: people who don't care throw parties in reaction Jac: get a grip Jac: at least I'm not pretending I don't care about Savannah Amelia: I said I don't want to care, the same way I don't want to know Amelia: and of course you're not because how else would you hurt me whenever you feel like it if you did Jac: I couldn't pretend not to if I wanted to Jac: and oddly enough, that's not about you Amelia: no, the 💔 it causes me is just a bonus for you Amelia: nothing is actually about me Jac: Seeing people happy upsets me, it isn't a strictly you thing Jac: in the most positive sense, of course Amelia: I know, we've had that conversation Amelia: because that's all we do, say the same shit over and over Jac: you think I'm gonna change my tune Jac: that why you're sticking around Amelia: I literally can't get away from you unless they do bother to send me somewhere else Jac: Charming Jac: I can't do much more to fucking disappear, Amelia Amelia: me either Amelia: I've basically begged them now and my bags aren't packed so Jac: fuck you Amelia: yeah Jac: go Jac: now Amelia: you heard me, there's nowhere Amelia: unless I crash my 🚗 into a 🌳 Jac: I don't care Jac: please go Amelia: you go Amelia: I make everything else really easy for you Jac: do you fuck Amelia: when isn't it? it's all on your bullshit terms as and when you decide what they are Jac: 'cos that's all you fucking care about Jac: is that bit Amelia: because it fucking matters Jac: what matters is my life is a fucking wreck Jac: and you don't care about that, at all Amelia: that's such a fucking lie Jac: it just ain't Amelia: I can't fix it, that doesn't mean I don't care Jac: except you literally don't Jac: and you just wait for me to hit you up Amelia: if you need proof of that too, just tell me what Jac: the proof is here Jac: you wanna leave too Jac: do it Amelia: I don't want to, I have to Amelia: you haven't given me any choice Jac: then I can't say you're any different Jac: because you won't be Amelia: you've already said I'm no different Amelia: and you ended it Jac: you don't listen Jac: or understand Amelia: because that isn't the reaction you want Amelia: I can't do either of those things when I'm angry or upset Jac: I don't want that Jac: a reaction based on guesswork of what you think I want Jac: a performance Amelia: it's a reaction based on how you've made me feel, nothing else Jac: then why does it feel so fake Amelia: I don't know Amelia: I can't be any realer Amelia: I give you everything Jac: I get why she left Jac: love makes you different Jac: it's sort of repulsive Jac: you wouldn't, the you I know Jac: knew Jac: wouldn't just do that, put up with all this Jac: but you do and I did for her and it's sickening Amelia: my parents are in love and they don't act like this Amelia: neither do yours Jac: so you don't love me Amelia: of course I do but there's clearly something wrong with me too Jac: there's nothing about this to be embraced Jac: to celebrate or want Jac: it's awful Jac: I feel awful, all the time Amelia: I know Amelia: I take drugs now, as of last night, that's not what planned for my future Jac: it's no worse than being known as that girl Jac: see, you can't say she doesn't have the right idea Jac: she doesn't fucking care about any of them Jac: she's living it up and doesn't have to deal with any of this Amelia: I'd rather die than say she has the right idea about anything, on principle Jac: 🙄 Jac: whatever Jac: she's happy, you're not Jac: and I'm not Amelia: all we see is her feed, I could be happy on there if I thought it mattered Jac: Please Jac: do you really think Savannah is becoming an addict or having threesomes Amelia: no because she has different coping mechanisms Jac: it's not coping if you're thriving Amelia: when I had a girlfriend I still thought about you, maybe she is Amelia: you're the one who gave the 'not everyone is as sure as me' speech Jac: except she is definitely straight and that was beyond apparent when I kissed her Jac: or at the very least, she's not thinking about me Amelia: maybe not, because she's hardly thriving, her parents are fucked and she hates catholic school Amelia: *but Jac: that's just what her dad tells your mum, or people who then tell your mum, whatever Jac: you know how high his expectations are Jac: if she's not tap dancing home every day she's suicidal Amelia: I'm just saying, unless you ever actually talk to her you won't know Amelia: if I'd have kissed you when I first thought about it, you'd have lost it too Jac: that won't be happening because I'm blocked Jac: and she's not gonna suddenly have the urge to reach out Amelia: not now Jac: not ever Jac: as sweet as it is to hold out hope for me Jac: I'm not personally gonna kid myself Jac: I was there, I know what happened Amelia: okay Jac: I'll never do it again Amelia: what? hope or 💋 anyone Amelia: because your new boyfriend won't last very long if it's 💋 Jac: hope, yeah Jac: but I meant ❤ Amelia: I'm not waiting for the declaration, that's in your head Jac: you are Jac: because I've said the opposite enough times for you to have heard that loud and clear Amelia: I gave up ages before any of this happened Jac: then what Amelia: this over nothing Jac: that's Amelia: you can't hurt me by calling me pathetic or whatever else, my mum's said as much in kinder words and I've said it to myself in harsher ones Jac: no Jac: I don't know what it is Jac: your mum hates me Amelia: all she wants is for me to be happy and I can't Amelia: she hates that I keep doing worse instead of better Jac: that's stupid Jac: you're a teenager, not a poodle Amelia: if I was a dog they'd have probably given me away by now, so just as well Jac: if she thought it was gonna be all sunshine and rainbows I dread to think how boring her formative years were Amelia: she just doesn't want 🌧💀🥀 again Amelia: I shouldn't have lied that I was better for a bit Jac: everyone finds everyone else's pain and misery boring Jac: I get told all the time Jac: as if that'll make me reconsider Jac: she'll just have to deal, not like you can do anything about it Amelia: yeah Jac: it's easier not to care Amelia: obviously but I can't switch it on and off Amelia: so I care that I ruined their weekend when they never get to go anywhere Jac: obviously Jac: you just have to pretend Jac: it has the same affect Jac: of them stopping to care in return Amelia: you've met my parents, they're unstoppable Jac: oh and mine are just massive cunts then Amelia: shut up, no Jac: you'll be fine Jac: just need to meet someone who isn't a bitch next time Amelia: in my next life or this one? Jac: you'll do it before school is out guaranteed Amelia: this really is over then Jac: I want that for your sake Amelia: you want it for you because I'm boring Jac: don't be stupid Amelia: you literally compared me to Jude so Jac: I'm just trying to get you to hate me like you should Amelia: I don't want you to want me if that's what you think, it'd be too weird Jac: Don't accuse me of incest, for God's sake Amelia: at least that's actually taboo Amelia: you could put your self-loathing somewhere Jac: why are you always so gross Amelia: because that's how I feel inside Amelia: obviously Jac: anyway, it's been done too many times in my family Jac: no one would even care Amelia: true Jac: again, no one needs to tell me how un-unique my problems are Jac: like that solves 'em Amelia: or to get over it/get a grip/grow up/ however else you want to phrase it Jac: exactly Amelia: stop saying it to me then Amelia: it doesn't change anything Jac: what part of 'getting you to hate me' are you not getting though Jac: it won't change the feeling but distance and time should and that's where we're trying to get you Amelia: unless we're having sex, don't worry about how I feel or getting me to feel any type of way Jac: I'm not worried about that Amelia: good Jac: you don't wanna give me a complex? Jac: I suppose that's nice Amelia: if I wanted to lie, I'd choose something that isn't as easy to prove is Jac: not like I need to be good at it anyway Jac: ⛪ Amelia: if your boyfriend had any complaints he wouldn't be picking you up, I guess Jac: It isn't him Amelia: did you go with option 3? Jac: as I can't remember her name, no Jac: I'm going out with Darla Amelia: you're going with her idea Jac: it's literally the best option I have Jac: I don't have to repeat it but her and her friends will back me Amelia: I don't see why you can't just let people say what they're going to say Jac: what's the point in that? Amelia: because they will anyway and it won't matter when you leave Jac: I'm not leaving yet Jac: and no one talks shit about Darla Jac: she's a good ally to have Amelia: okay Jac: don't you think so Amelia: it doesn't matter what I think Jac: well what do you think? Amelia: you know what I think Amelia: I'm not going to keep going on like a broken record Jac: yeah but, of the things you know I'm going to do Jac: it's not that bad Amelia: right Amelia: that's why I said okay and not fuck you Jac: and she's just uncomplicated and nothing to do with this situation Jac: which is what I need right now Amelia: sure, give me a complex, why not? Jac: also totally straight and I don't fancy her Jac: so you can calm down Amelia: 😏 Amelia: I'll go to sleep, my parents left off shouting at me and you started Jac: maybe you'll get to redecorate Amelia: I won't mention it in case it sounds like I'm suggesting I did them a favour Amelia: but I did say they could sell my 🚗 to calm my dad down Jac: 😬 Jac: they'll probably act like they're gonna for a while, make you sweat it, but then they'll not or get you a new one when you pass so you can have your independence Jac: very them move, just pretend you're learning a lesson in the meantime Amelia: 🥱 Jac: 👸🏻 spoilt bitch Jac: none of us will be getting cars, imagine Jac: look like a garage forecourt Amelia: you can borrow mine if I ever get the 🔑 back Jac: yeah Jac: won't hold my breath, like Amelia: me either, my mum's been googling drug slang since she stopped crying Jac: 😂 Jac: you wanna watch out she'll be going 'round to every dealer she can find and asking 'em to stop, as a concerned mother Amelia: maybe she'll send me to rehab Amelia: very 👸🏻 Jac: throw in some conversion therapy for free Jac: least you don't need a sly abortion too Amelia: no way, you can have Darla, my parents are real allies Amelia: there are so many knitted and embroidered 🌈 in this 🏠 Jac: lovely Jac: that's just her aesthetic Amelia: 😂 Jac: I'd sooner die than have my parents come at me with anything rainbow Amelia: it's unlikely Jac: I'll air on the side of impossible, thanks Amelia: what are you doing with her then? Jac: gym Amelia: 🤨 Jac: you're familiar with the concept Amelia: but not why you would want to Jac: rude Amelia: I mean, 1. go for a run outside, that's way more you 2. you don't need to, clearly 3. 😴 Jac: I'm not as sleepy as you Jac: what the fuck did you take, xanax Amelia: I'm not on commission and also I don't know Jac: wow, so smart Amelia: I wasn't trying to make a wise move Jac: clearly Amelia: I've heard it all from my parents Jac: you had a go at me for drinking too much Jac: you've got some nerve Amelia: okay, god Amelia: I get it Jac: it's so typical Jac: did my brother or sister have any Amelia: I don't know Amelia: not with me Jac: don't lie to me Amelia: I'm not Jac: I'll find out if they have Jac: again, typical Amelia: Jess wasn't even that drunk, he spent all his time playing the new stuff he's been working on Amelia: he was excited about it Jac: whopee for him Amelia: and Jude wasn't there long before the party ended Jac: Fine, I believe you don't know Amelia: I don't have any reason to lie to you Jac: you have plenty Jac: but I guess you are that shit of a mate Jac: not gonna cover for him, like Amelia: we can't all be Darla's, I guess Jac: 🙄 Jac: you're so salty like you didn't just throw a fuck you party Amelia: what do you want me to say? I've already admitted that I'm not a good friend to have and I don't want to be his Jac: I'm just saying, why are you surprised Jac: not like I'm claiming I'm an amazing friend here Amelia: I'm literally the opposite of surprised Jac: she's easy to talk to Amelia: okay Amelia: I'm sure she'll pick you up soon Jac: just gonna have to kick Jude out my way Amelia: I'll leave you to that Jac: you're going to sleep more like Jac: night Amelia: I'll try Amelia: but my mum is back to cleaning up again Jac: unlucky Jac: do something productive Amelia: I've already passed my theory Jac: help your mum, you lazy cow Jac: also you still have one of my best tops somewhere Amelia: she was this close to smacking me with a duster earlier because I can't match her standards Amelia: do I, which one? Jac: [a pic of one of 'em wearing it] Jac: you better have Jac: maybe your mum is using it as a duster Amelia: 😂 Amelia: no, I've got it Jac: 👍 Amelia: I'll sneak out when you need it back Jac: I'll survive Amelia: right now, because you're mad at me Amelia: but you'll want it back eventually Jac: when am I not pissed off at you Amelia: there's an obvious answer but my mum will notice my 😳 Jac: can't have that Jac: not that much of an ally Amelia: not to you Jac: 💔 Amelia: at least I'm not lying on top of sneaking around now, you're welcome Jill Jac: I'm not your bad example, fuck off Amelia: she knows the truth again, is what I meant Jac: hmm Jac: alright Amelia: you're especially pissed off today, I get it, you don't need to be so quick on the draw Jac: you are being a special sort of dickhead Jac: that'll be why Amelia: 😕 Jac: don't give me that Jac: you know what you did Jac: and you're on a comedown, so sit with how shit you feel and don't forget it next time you wanna get high Amelia: I'm sorry, you know Amelia: not just feeling it for myself Jac: yeah, your mum cried Jac: I heard Amelia: yeah but I'm specifically giving you an apology for my 'fuck you' party, or I'm trying to, anyway Jac: just don't invite my brother again and it's whatever Amelia: I'm not hosting again, I assumed that was pretty evident Jac: your parents are never leaving the house again Jac: that's definite Amelia: exactly Jac: oh well Amelia: my grades will soar if nothing else Jac: parties are overrated Amelia: but I'll never see you if neither of us go Jac: you didn't invite me to this one did you Amelia: you already had plans so no Jac: he's well rich Jac: his house was nicer than Savannah's Amelia: I'm especially thrilled I didn't invite him, Jude's slagged off my house enough as is Jac: He might've come Jac: thinking he was well in Amelia: 😣 Jac: 😂 Amelia: it's not funny Jac: it is though Amelia: no, it isn't Jac: it's not like you have to sleep with him, Amelia Amelia: the has to bit is what makes this all really unamusing Amelia: because you think you do Jac: no I don't Jac: it helps, sure, but it's hardly involuntary Amelia: how has it helped? Amelia: your life is harder not easier Jac: that isn't because I fuck lads Jac: it's all the rest Amelia: yeah it is, that lad specifically means that you need to strategise with Darla Jac: only because of that other girl Jac: and I only had to go that hard because of her stupid posts in the first place Amelia: she's blocked you though Amelia: and I doubt she ever followed him Jac: she definitely did Jac: are you that gay you haven't heard the rumours about him? Amelia: apparently so because I have no idea what you're talking about Jac: 🐎 Amelia: oh great Jac: 😂 Jac: don't 😳 your mum will see Amelia: there's the complex you didn't give me over your gym buddy, thanks so much Jac: you're really going to go all Freud over this Amelia: no Jac: 🍆 envy is a whole new coming out Amelia: 🙄 Jac: technically, you'd be straight so Jac: something to consider Amelia: I'm not high any more, we don't need to Jac: if you say so Amelia: yeah, he's a 🎣 because 🤑🏠🐎🍆 Amelia: there's no competition or anything else to consider Jac: probably best not to change gender expression based on that alone Amelia: I don't plan to Jac: pleased to hear it Jac: anyway, my ride is here so Amelia: 👋 Jac: 👋

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