#and as he spends time with Jules he keeps expecting worse things to happen

[youngpettyqueen]

Miles calling Julian 'Jules' one (1) time is probably a writing fuck up and yet it lives rent free in my head 24/7 and its gotten to the point where I do need to write a super niche fic about my hyper specific headcanons about how that comes about that maybe 2 other people would read

I have visions of a Rascals-esque episode where Julian gets de-aged due to a time anomaly or some fuckshit but unlike Rascals Julian is just fully a 5 year old. no memories of his adulthood or anything. pre-augmentations, pre-enhancements, pre-everything little Jules Bashir is now on the station and they've gotta deal with it. and I mean, who better to care for Jules than Miles and Keiko- who are both very good parents, and also they've dealt with this sort of thing before

this entire thing is self-indulgent on every level because I want an excuse to get into my really specific headcanons with Julian and disability. like we know I hc Julian as being audhd. but as a kid, as Jules, I think he was non-verbal. I also think he had dyspraxia. he doesnt name anything when he talks about what he was like pre-augmentations, he keeps it vague, and leaning into that I think Miles would only have a vague idea of what to expect when interacting with Jules, and he finds himself completely unprepared for what Jules is actually like. and also trans Julian supremacy and I dont think he really tells people he's trans so Miles is also not expecting Jules to be a 5 year old girl

I imagine Miles is maybe expecting Jules to be very similar to Julian and to be very chatty and extroverted, but more awkward, and maybe just not understanding a lot of things. instead, Jules doesnt speak beyond a few words and vocalizations. she moves constantly, but its mostly fidgeting and stimming- she doesnt like to walk, and shes very clumsy and bumps into things and falls down a lot. Miles and Keiko spend most of the time carrying her around on their hips, like they would Molly. she doesnt like being around lots of people, and is very easily overwhelmed. they figure out very quickly that shes a very good hider, because she scares the absolute shit out of them when she takes off and it takes a solid 3 hours to find her

they do figure things out pretty quickly. she gets overwhelmed by noise easily, so Miles has some headphones replicated for her- smaller versions of the ones he has for ear protection. Jules communicates mostly through body language, pointing at things and smacking things and grunting a lot, but they cant figure out what she means. Keiko roots through her old school supplies and gets Jadzia to turn a PADD into a communication device. Jules absolutely fucking LOOOOVES the PADD and they make a strap for it so that she can carry it everywhere. turns out shes very inquisitive- shes constantly using the PADD to ask 'whats that? what's that? what's that?' about basically everything

the thing they have the hardest time with is that things dont stick easily for Jules. Miles and Keiko are answering the same questions over and over, but she just cant retain a lot of what shes taught. she gets things mixed up a lot, and is confused easily. she cant read at all and has a hard time figuring out what pictures are depicting. the PADD is very helpful, but also very basic with visuals, because Jules just cant comprehend words or more complex visuals. she gets frustrated really easily and cries, and its really hard to calm her down. she has a lot of sensory issues and cant communicate exactly what upsets her about how things feel, leading to a lot of trial and error, and several thrown utensils and spilled plates and bowls

still, Miles and Keiko handle it all. Jules feels safest with Miles and clings to him a lot. he does a lot of his work during this time with Jules in one arm, her headphones on, big curious eyes watching him work. but, in the evenings, when Jules is tired, she curls up close to Keiko on the couch, and Keiko strokes her short hair, while Jules runs her hands over the soft material of Keiko's skirt. Jules and Molly get along- they dont play together, but Molly will read little stories to Jules, and makes silly voices that make Jules laugh. Jules is so gentle with Kirayoshi- she won't hold him, but she gently strokes his hair, and hums at him, and Keiko recognizes the lullaby shes trying to echo

sure, she isnt the easiest child. but at the end of the day, accommodating her isnt the hardest thing Miles and Keiko have ever done. Miles thinks back to how Julian described himself as a kid, thinks about the fuss his parents made about how they couldnt deal with the guilt and heartbreak of watching their child fall behind. he thinks of after that, Julian quietly wondering if maybe his parents were just trying to make things easier for him. maybe they did have good intentions. he's wondered the same thing himself. maybe in their own way, they thought they were doing the right thing

he's thinking about this while he's holding Jules, curled up against him and asleep. he's barely slept these last few days, he's about at wit's end trying to handle all of this, he misses his Julian and he wants him back. but when he looks at Jules, theres no resentment. he isnt even annoyed. she drives him up a wall, but shes a kid- thats her job in life. as for the cognitive piece, well. they can figure all that out if they need to. he laughs at himself a bit- thinking ahead about Jules' future already, those dad instincts kicking in. doesnt hurt to be prepared, he tells himself. just in case

it occurs to him, as he's dozing off himself, that genetic enhancement and DNA re-sequencing dont cross his mind. not once. and when he looks at Jules with tired eyes, feels the peaceful rise and fall of her back under his hand, he finds that he cant imagine himself doing it. cant imagine taking this child in, and telling people how to cut and paste and re-arrange her DNA. he cant imagine wanting to make her into anything but the child she already is. he cant imagine thinking that she was so difficult, so far behind, that she had to be changed into an entirely different person. he loves Julian, he wouldnt change Julian for anything, but he finds himself loving Jules, too. he wouldnt change her, either. not a single thing

Keiko sees the anger behind his eyes when they put Jules to bed for the night. she asks him about it after they shut the door. Miles stands at the door for a moment, thinking about that little kid inside that he cant save from what's to come. and he just tells Keiko- "Richard and Amsha Bashir can go to hell."

[blush-and-books]

Hi! I wasn’t sure if you were still taking requests but could you do #22 for Juke? Make it angsty if you want I’m in that type of mood today 😂

From this prompt list: Kissing someone’s cuts/bruises/scratches etc. High school AU, Luke is ~edgy~, Julie is the best friend in the whole world and he has every reason to be in love with her (which he is). IDK if you’re still in an angsty mood but I made it angsty. I also went off with this one because I was having too much fun. Thank you <333

“Guys, please don’t tell Julie.”

It was early in the morning before school, and Luke was hunched over one of the dirty sinks in the bathroom while trying to nurse his bloody nose. Alex was twirling one of his drumsticks between his fingers in a nervous habit, and Reggie was propped up against one of the stall dividers. 

Luke’s face was bruised and bloody from both his nose and his own scraped knuckles that keep brushing against his cheek on accident. 

“She’ll find out,” Alex sighs, and Luke glares at him through the mirror.  “Fuck, Bobby will probably be bragging about it,” Reggie adds. 

Luke, Reggie, and Alex had been planning on going into the music room before school to quickly test out some new material that they had been working on with Julie for their rehearsal after school that day. Normally, the music teacher lets them go into a practice room and mess around, but this morning, their teacher was distracted: By Bobby Wilson. 

AKA their ex-bandmate.

Who they had found with the music teacher, hunched over a computer, playing a recording he had made of a song with eerily familiar lyrics. 

He had recorded songs that Luke wrote when they were all still in a band. And he was showing them off to their music teacher as his own. 

Their music teacher was singing Bobby’s praises, telling him how proud she was that he was developing a career, and then she excused herself to go make some sheet music copies for one of her classes -- and that is when Luke made his entrance. 

Long story short: Bobby had a black eye and some cuts on his face from Luke’s rings, and Luke had a bloody nose, some busted knuckles, and a bruise blossoming on his cheek. 

And the last thing he wanted was Julie, his best friend, finding out. She would be so mad. 

“Well then just let me handle it, please,” Luke spits. “Don’t go running to her saying ‘Luke and Bobby beat each other up-’”

The door to the boys bathroom flings open -- and an angry girl with dark, curly hair storms in. 

Julie Molina. 

While, under any other circumstances, Luke’s day would be made just by seeing her -- he knows it’s about to get a lot worse.

“Lucas Michael Patterson, you better have a fucking valid reason for getting your ass kicked or I swear to God-”

“Julie-” 

“Bobby? Seriously? I thought you decided he wasn’t worth your time?”

“If you’ll just let me explain-”

“Maybe we should go,” Reggie cuts in. Luke rounds on him. 

“You-” He points at Reggie, then Alex, “you two weren’t supposed to tell her.”

Julie speaks up again. 

“You told them to hide this from me?” “I texted her SOS as soon as we broke you and Bobby up,” Alex explains, avoiding Luke’s eyes. “Sorry. We thought she would know a little more about first aid then we do.” 

Reggie walks over to the door, and Alex follows him before Luke can tear into them more.

“Thanks, Julie,” Reggie says right before grabbing Alex’s wrist and pulling him out of the room. Luke is left alone with Julie -- and Angry Julie is not a fun Julie to be around. 

“Jules, I-”

“Save it.” 

She puts her backpack on the floor and surprisingly pulls out a bag of bandages and a container of rubbing alcohol. A small package of tissues follows, which she instantly passes to him to hold to his nose. 

Relief fills him. They’re the soft kind -- not the sandpaper stuff that the school keeps in the bathrooms. 

“Thanks for… Doing all this,” he mumbles, voice nasally. Guilt pangs at his chest when her scowl deepens and she still won’t meet his eyes. 

“Well, I knew you wouldn’t have gone to the nurse, and someone needs to make sure you don’t get an infection.”

She’s right. The nurse means admitting he got into a fight to a school employee, admitting he got into a fight to a school employee means suspension, and suspension means an upcoming raging argument with his parents. 

He’s filled with a burning warmth when she suddenly grabs his hand -- still not making eye contact with him. His knuckles are pretty torn up, and Julie starts to remove his rings one by one. 

Luke’s heart breaks a little at how much he wants to lean into her while watching her do it. He wants her to do this again, preferably when she’s not mad at him, preferably in his room or in the studio while they write songs. 

“Now,” Julie finally speaks up and breaks his trance of distraction. “What happened?”

As he inhales a deep breath, he slowly removes the tissue from his nose, which has minimized it’s bleeding. 

“Well-”

Luke’s cut off by a stream of cleansing alcohol running over his cuts and stinging every square millimeter of space. 

“Fuck! Ow!” Julie’s face remains expressionless as Luke tries to pull his hand away, but she keeps it firm in his grip. His breathing gets heavier as he tries to face the pain. “Okay, I know I fucked up, I’m sorry. I deserved that. Let me explain.”

Another drop of the alcohol splashes on his knuckles. As he hisses, Julie gives him an expectant look. 

“I’m waiting, Patterson.”

With a few more deep breaths, Luke starts. 

“We found out that Bobby recorded our songs. My songs. Songs that were supposed to go to Sunset Curve, and he stole them, and recorded them, and played them for Ms. Harrison.” Julie’s grip tightens on his fingers. He hopes she understands his anger. “And she was just so happy about it, and was giving him all these compliments, and… When she left, I confronted him, and he was being a dick, and I just… Got mad.”

Julie finishes pressing a towel to his knuckles to wipe away some of the blood, and begins to softly wrap a bandage around his hand. Her touch is more gentle than it was a minute ago. 

“Who threw the first punch?” 

Luke sighs. 

“I did.” The bandage is tugged tightly around his knuckles. “He said that I’ll never have a band ‘with that Julie girl’ that’s worth anything close to what Sunset Curve was, and that he was making a success out of what wouldn’t have been.” 

The bandage loosens. 

“I’m sorry that Bobby is a song-stealing asshole,” Julie finally says, finishing up the bandage on his right hand. Now, time for his left, so he turns fully towards her and lifts the hand towards her to take. His heart flutters when her fingers wrap around his, but it’s quickly killed by the pierce of the rubbing alcohol. “But you know you shouldn’t resort to violence. You should be the bigger person.”

“Being the bigger person doesn’t exist when you’re a teenage boy,” Luke retorts, only to be defeated by a strong pour of the alcohol once again. “But you’re right. I know you’re right.”

“As I always am.”

Well, he can’t argue with that one. 

“As you always are.”

Finally, Luke catches a small smirk on his best friend’s face, which fills him with relief. Temporarily, his attention is taken off of his burning knuckles as she calmly finishes wiping away the blood and beginning to wrap a bandage around his left hand. 

“At least tell me you kicked his ass,” she says, out of the blew. “I want to know it was worth it.”

Even in the current situation, Luke grins wider than he has all day. Julie never fails to bring it out of him. 

“I mean, not to brag, but he definitely looks worse.” Julie looks up at him, clearly wanting a full description of the other party’s injuries. “His knuckles are trashed too, but I got in a black eye and my rings tore him up pretty good. He looks like he got attacked by a raccoon.”

“As he should,” she thinks aloud. Luke nods vigorously in agreement. 

They stand in silence under the aggressively fluorescent lighting of the bathroom, and Luke spends the next thirty seconds just staring at Julie like a lovesick idiot. She looks tired (like all of them do, every morning -- they’re teenagers for God’s sake), but her hair is down and curly and beautiful, and her sweatshirt looks beyond cozy. 

Suddenly, Julie lifts Luke’s mummified left hand to her lips and presses a light, slow kiss to it. Followed by another one. 

And then, she finally looks up at him through her long eyelashes, which takes his breath away completely. Her feet shuffle a small step closer to him, and for a moment he panics that she’s going to kiss him, or he’ll lose his self control and kiss her, but what she does instead makes his heart pound just the same:

She lifts herself onto her tiptoes and kisses the oval-shaped bruise painted across his cheekbone. 

His hand, with a mind of its own, comes up to cup the back of her neck and keep her as close as possible, which she doesn’t fight. Instead, she brushes her nose against his, and today just went from being the worst day ever to the best day ever, and-

The school bell rings. 

Julie pulls away. 

Hastily, she’s tucking her medical supplies back into her bag, and avoiding his eyes once again. 

“Try not to get in another fight, please,” she sends him an awkward smile as she zips her backpack, “I only brought the two bandages.” And before he can even blink, she’s gone.

[vampiresuns]

Corazón Sufriente, Corazón Sangrante

3.5k words. The Crews of The Jagged Ruby and El Corazón Sangrante spend the night in Hinode. However, Captain Syd and the crew of Inuwashi cross the waters of the Strait before they even set sail the next morning, rattling the beings that inhabit it. Having no option but to sail as soon as they can, they are forced to face the storm waiting for them in the water.

The crew of The Jagged Ruby, El Corazón Sangrante, and Inuwashi belong to @apprenticealec​​. You can also check her map and lore about the Strait of Sirens here.​

This is the second and last instalment of Part VI of Secrets of An Ancient Moon Series. 

Want to read more of these series? You can find it’s masterpost here.

CW: Brief mentions of unhealthy family dynamics.

Rodrigo was something completely different from Jacqui. An entire different type of fish — an analogy he had hated. Not that him hating it was about to stop Jules from using it. 

They had known him for less than a day, yet they had already argued about at least five different topics. All of them unprompted. They had argued about slang, about whether their shared mother tongue was actually called Alzor or Nopali; Jules said both were acceptable, Rodrigo wasn’t so convinced. They had also begun bickering because Rodrigo, finding them again after docking in Hinode, tried to make for their ‘interrupted’ introduction earlier that morning, only to be met with Jules laughing through their nose and telling him he was shorter than Saoirse. They did not expect to touch a nerve, but they did.

Then it was some random thing neither of them knew how they ended up talking about, Jules ‘hoarding’ Jacqui, and finally because Jules had had the gall to make an assessment out of Rodrigo and be right about it.

“You too, huh?” Jacqui asked him. “What did they tell you?” 

Rodrigo grumbled something about ‘hearts’, and ‘choices’, and people like ‘us’. “Anyway, I told them there could be an ‘us’ if they wanted to, grabbed their face and the next thing I knew fucking Saoirse was standing right behind me, like what the fuck.” 

Jacqui laughed. Rodrigo looked at him as if he had just told him the worst of insults. 

“You know they do that because they think it’s funny, right?” 

“Shut up, Jacqui.”

Rodrigo’s Quartermaster looked over his Captain’s shoulder, snorting at the same time as Saoirse said: “Hi, Rodrigo,” making him jump from his chair.

None of those wouldn’t be the last of Julianus’ offences against Rodrigo that night. The crown jewel of them all would come when they asked him and Jacqui for how long they had been together. While Jacqui clammed up, Rodrigo answered ‘20 years’ like it was nothing. However, when Jacqui tried to tell him Julianus didn’t mean as Captain-and-Quartermaster, he laughed, and left. 

“So it’s not like—? Oh.” Saoirse laughed softly, and kissed their temple.

In hindsight Jules should’ve anticipated Rodrigo coming back to steal their drink, since they “weren’t going to finish it.” 

In any other circumstances, Jules would’ve rolled their eyes, yelled something smart back at whomever took their drink, and carried on. That drink, however, had pisco mixed with a soft drink. It was a popular mix in Altazor, but slightly harder to find in other places — mostly due to the lack of pisco— and, it was Rodrigo who had taken it. 

“Hey! That’s mine!”

Rodrigo began walking away faster.

This would be one of those moments which Julianus would never forget. The blur of faces as they chased Rodrigo in the tavern part of the Inn, Manolo’s and Manuela’s concerned faces. Walking over someone’s table after climbing on a chair without thinking too much about it. Or rather, without overthinking about it. There were no what-abouts, no ifs, no what-will-whoever-thinks. Just them, trying to calculate their odds as they tackled Rodrigo into the ground. He yelled something about his coat getting dirty, Jules told him he shouldn’t have stolen his drink. 

Neither of them were putting on a real fight, though at the same time they were. Rodrigo fought better, but Jules was more slippery and had, per Saoirse’s own confirmation and now for everyone to witness, an unexpectedly strong thigh-lock. 

Meredith was yelling insults at Rodrigo and cheering on Julianus, with either ‘you go, Sanlaurento’, or ‘that’s my legal bastard’. J. C. would not register it until hours later, and while they suspected it was solely because they were fighting Rodrigo and had tackled him to the ground, it still brought a smile to their face. 

Looking at them as they fought, Saoirse and Jacqui stood together. Jacqui refused to get involved, claiming this wouldn’t have happened if Rodrigo had not stolen their drink. 

“You know those fights between siblings which start to get too serious?” He asked Saoirse.

“No, not really.”

“Well, this is a little like those.” 

After a moment or two, he spoke again. “So, this is ‘your Julie’.”

Saoirse’s smile was the brightest Jacqui had ever seen in them. “Sometimes I think I will anticipate their thought process. Sometimes I do. Others…,” there it was again, the smile, “I have no idea.”

The fight ended when Saoirse got Jules another drink, and helped them get off from Rodrigo who was yelling at them not to get his face, while Jules yelled at him that he got theirs first. They were both perfectly alright, despite their dramatics, but in the morning Julianus’ forehead would develop a small bruise right where their hairline began, Rodrigo having accidentally elbowed them. It was, for once, a legitimate accidental blow. 

Later, Saoirse would say that Jules had a very thick head, as they held ice to their forehead just in case. Jules was sharing a bedroom with Theo, and while the ship’s medic would’ve been able to do just the same, Saoirse wanted to do it. They, on the other hand, had to sleep in the same room as Meredith, to keep the Queen safe. 

Theo had offered to change places with Saoirse, swearing ‘most ardently’ that he would never let anything happen to Meredith. Saoirse, bound by the code by their own choice, declined.

When the two of them were alone, Saoirse having left to their own bedroom, Theo gave Jules a sympathetic look.

“You look melancholic, my dear friend. Empty bed blues?”

“No, not really. I do know how it goes, and besides, it’s their job. You don’t see Saoirse complaining about my law books, do you?”

“So what is it? If you wish to talk about it,” he said as he sat on Jules’ bed, “I am happy to be your faithful confidant.”

“Thank you, Theodore. Do you promise not to think it’s stupid?”

Theodore crossed his heart, then put his open palm above it and raised his other hand. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Jules was silent for so long, gathering their thoughts, that the doctor thought they’d never speak. However, they did, turning to them with such vulnerability in their face that Theodore, poetic and candid as he was, almost gasped. 

“I’m not used to being in a place where I want to find out what happens tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after. It’s like my mind decided to have this moment, out of all possible moments to realise I am not going anywhere.”

“Anywhere how? Oh, Meredith wouldn’t turn you away!”

“No, not like that. Anywhere as in here, in this world. That this is my life and I get to live it, for many more years than I ever thought I’d get to live.”

Theodore hugged them. Jules didn’t expect the gesture tensing for a fraction of a second before fully leaning into it. Theo was hugging them with both his arms, but he was doing it around their side, not in front of them, which made returning the hug a little awkward. Jules still did their best. 

“I’m so very glad we are friends.”

Jules smiled. “So am I, Theo. You deserve good things.”

“So do you.”

“Just take the compliment.”

“Pot and kettle! You take the compliment!”

They bickered some more, like old friends who have known each other for their whole lives, until Theo sent them to bed on Doctor’s orders. 

They would both sleep happy, soundly. Julianus would dream of sweet nothings and their feet would stay warm all night with the weight of Marcius over them. Yet that wouldn’t last until the morning. Everyone slept in a little later than they did at Sea, only to be woken up with alarm from members of both crews announcing Inuwashi had crossed the waters of the Strait.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

They could’ve waited a couple days to pass, but the fear of not making it to Ethari on time was worse — Jules had no idea until then, but due to a couple of reasons beyond anyone’s control (namely the weather and some routes alterations) they were behind schedule and could not afford any more delays. It meant they’d head to risk going through the waters with its very, very angry sirens. 

This time, no crew song appeased them. The message was clear: anything or anyone they got their hands on would not see the surface again.

On the distant horizon, Julianus could see the outline of a ship. It looked tiny in the distance and by the way Meredith cursed in it’s direction, they assumed it must be Inuwashi. Meredith cursed again — it had begun to drizzle, and it looked like a storm was beginning to brew. 

Saoirse, for once, looked concerned. “Jacqui says Rodrigo exhausted his illusion magic, they’re too uncontrollable for him to properly cast anything on them.” 

To make matters worse, a ripple went through the water. With a violent halt, both of the ships stopped moving.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! If I could kill Syd, I fucking would!” Meredith yelled.

“I know,” was Saoirse’s serious reply. “But I don’t think that was Syd.”

“You’re seriously going to tell me that wasn’t Gharial or however the fuck they’re called?”

“No, it was, but Syd is not stupid enough to endanger you right before a Quinquennial Meeting without a loophole, and Gharial just likes getting Syd into trouble.”

“It doesn’t fucking change anything.”

It was chaos as everyone snapped into action to make the ships move again. The sooner they were all out of the Strait the better and by the turn of events it was going to be a long, tiring task. 

“Alright!” Meredith yelled, raising their voice so everyone listened to her. “Keep everyone from the railings and if you can move with a lifeline, do it. I want all of them secured! I will only say this once: if anyone falls, we will not be able to retrieve them so anyone with a range weapon — do whatever idiot that falls a favour if they do.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

What nothing told you about life or death experiences was how absolutely absurd they were. There were no big revelations, no reel of your life going before your eyes, no philosophical moments where the ulterior meaning of life was revealed to you. It was just you, and whomever else was with you in that moment, running around as survival instincts kicked in. As they did, the realisation that you might as well die came to you, and instead of thinking about everything you did not get to do, or everything you could’ve done differently, all you did was noticing really stupid details, about really stupid shit. 

Julianus didn’t need to wait to have another experience with death to know whomever said otherwise was fucking lying. 

Instead of thinking about anything that would’ve risen up to the dourness of the hour, they were thinking about their art teacher from Altazor, the one they had when they were in primary school and they had taken an art extracurricular. When they were around ten, they went through a phase where they only wanted to paint the sea. Their teacher had shown them a Neviv painter who painted ships and stormy seas, and Julianus had decided they only wanted to paint the sea from then on. 

The sky looked like the paints of that painter. Julianus couldn’t even remember the name of the painter.

They had stopped taking the extracurricular not long after that. Part of an ongoing issue they had associated with lack of confidence in their sense of self, and their struggle to keep habits. The former had to do with having been indirectly punished for their openness of self, which left them more vulnerable to other people’s opinions. A vulnerability they were never given proper tools to deal with. When they tried to find who they were in front of the world, too many factors had convinced them for years that who they were was inherently wrong. From mean peers to their own parents, or the expectations of their family, and no matter what image they projected, it all weighted them down. 

The other had to do with a long time undiagnosed hyperactivity and focus divergency. No one believed them about it until they took the matters in their own hands, because how could someone ‘as smart as them’ have it. It simply had to be laziness, or something other. They had been over this already, about how too many people had opinions on who Julianus Sanlaurento had to be, or was, without actually bothering to check who they actually were, or even given the chance. 

The other extracurricular that succumbed to all of that was magic. However, they had taken it up again in their last years of schooling before university, as they had in free hours they were left alone to their own devices. That halt in their studies had made them more knowledgeable in the history of it and the relationships different cultures had with it, than to the practice itself. It was one of the reasons why the Sea Palace had had no interest in them, besides the fact they thought (both Jules and the Scholars) they did not have any particularly differential ability in it. 

They never stopped practising it after that, even if they never mentioned to anyone, unless they were forced to. They had taken it up under a mentor again in Firent, where they took it as a university extracurricular with a magician who was adept to energy manipulation — electricity in particular. Jules had taken to it like fish to the water, even if, once again, they ended up using it for little. 

She always said plasma and electricity weren’t harder to manipulate than other types of matter. People tended to be more afraid to do it, because it required the magician to make themselves a receptor of that energy, and for a series of reasons, people did not seem comfortable with malleable matter that may or may not zap you. 

Somewhere to their right, Drew hissed. 

“Are you alright, darling?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yes, I just grabbed my knife and I got a static shock.”

Jules snapped out of their trace. “Swords work as conductors of electricity, right?” 

“What?”

“Like, you can catch electricity with a sword, can you not?”

Drew and Elizabeth looked at them with concern. Also, like perhaps, they had gone a little crazy. 

Theo, however, had their answers. “It’s metal, so in theory it would work. Though not all metals conduct the same way, but that’s the principle of a lightning rod… why do you ask?”

“If I do something that’s potentially really stupid, involves magic, and I technically know how to do but haven’t done it in years and never outside of the context of a classroom, do you promise to not let me fall into the water? I don’t actually want to die.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Julianus was either a genius, insane or terminally stupid. They were about to find out.

Storms had always been their favourite weather and they knew an electric storm had to be in the making. Sounds around them were too clear, humidity was annoyingly oppressive, there were no birds flying, Marcius was hiding under the covers of Saoirse’s bed (Jules double checked he was safe) and it smelled like a storm. 

Electric storms came with lightning. With the right magical knowledge, anyone could manipulate them. However, they needed to get to the Beak of the ship, and there was no way Saoirse would let them do that if it put them at the risk of falling into the water. El Corazón Sangrante, however, wasn’t that far away from the Ruby. It was a sensible jump, even by their poor eye-estimation of distance.

All they had to do was try. 

From the perspective of anyone else in the crew, this was what happened: Julianus used a rope from the rigging to jump from one ship to the other (a very bad experience, which they would not like to repeat). They told something to Jade, Rodrigo’s sailing master, and for some reason, Jade agreed to it. Perhaps, she was as desperate as everyone else to get out of the strait. Meredith, still on the Ruby yelled-asked who let Sanlaurento do such a thing. Saoirse looked at them with confusion as they ran with the rapier they had gotten for them during a raid in hand; said confusion turned into dread when they realised what part of the ship they were running towards. 

The panic they felt when they saw them climb past the forecastle and onto the very narrow surface to stand before the bowsprit began, threatened to dissolve the body they chose to use every day. They ran towards the bow of the Ruby, ready to jump into the water if they needed.

“Julie!” They yelled, trying to make them turn, but it was like they didn’t listen.

A thunder broke behind them as they lifted a leg over the railing. That’s when they saw it. With both arms extended, their sword on the left hand pointing towards the sky, a lightning strike hit Julianus. 

Jules condensed it in their free hand as it sizzled and crackled without harming their skin. Angling themselves, they threw it into the water, hitting one of the sirens straight on the chest.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Having to face the Siren songs that close to the water was, perhaps, one of the worst life experiences Jules had ever gone through. It was something about their rabid eyes and the promises they sang of.

They could see them, almost. They could see themselves in it. A model child, a partner, two children and a pet. A stable job. A good relationship with their mother. Esteem and respect from the social circle they had grown in at the expense of nothing. The sirens sang and they went to a different school, they had different tastes, they had more knowledge, a better capacity to concentrate, a different career, they were more athletic. They were immaculately perfect, always pleasing everyone and always knowing the right thing to say. Whomever that abomination the Sirens sang about was, it wasn’t Jules.

They could see why. They could see how they would twist their fear of never being enough, their fear of being utterly mediocre, against them. They could see how they took that away, and left a perfectly sanitised carcass that, in a lower point of their life, they would’ve given into. 

The wind played with their hair as they felt one thing, and one thing alone: rage. 

Their frown was set as they began feeling static build around them and with steady breaths they stood in posture. They lifted their sword as their angry, teary eyes met with the fishy ones of the sirens in the water. It wasn’t about being stronger than them or more powerful than them. Neither was the case: They were just Jules. 

Just Jules. Poetic, hopeful, intelligent, strong-willed, imperfect, full of love and terrified to give it, yet determined to plant the garden of their life no matter how many times it was destroyed. Jules who was full of grief, and full of happiness, and Jules who knew they would never have the life that was promised to them, because that life required of them something they would never be able to be without sacrificing who they truly were. 

It was okay. It was okay not to have that life and not to be that person. Whoever they were now was better anyway. 

Lightning struck their sword. They knew what to do. 

When the Sirens went quiet, numbed by the electric sock, they slid their back against the wood of the ship. Hanging on some rope and their sword for dear life they sat down with their head between their legs. 

Saoirse found them moments later, pulling them up and carrying them back to Meredith’s ship in their arms. 

“I can walk you know, I’m just a little dizzy.”

Saoirse didn’t put them down. “Were you going to tell me you could manipulate lightning, or was I supposed to find out this way?”

“I didn’t think it was relevant to mention. Did it work?”

They let out a noise of annoyance. “Yes, yes it worked. But if you want to do that again, it’d be better you practised. You could’ve fallen into the sea, you could’ve—”

“But I didn’t. I’m here, Saoirse.”

They shot them a look, but the relief that it worked, and the wonder that their Julie could do such a thing won this time. They kissed the crown of their head. “Don’t scare me like that again.”

“I can’t make any promises.”

“I mean it. Let’s get you some water and something to eat.”

“I’m sorry I scared you, I really am.”

Saoirse sighed. “You’re forgiven. You did great.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Beyond the Strait of Seals, Captain Syd of the Inuwashi looked at the lightning strike back in the waters of the Strait. Hideko stood besides them. 

“I didn’t know Saoirse could do that.”

Heron spoke behind her. “Are we sure that’s Saoirse?”

“Well, colour me surprised Cabin Boy, I don’t remember asking your opinion.”

[insidetheacademy]

Say You Love Me | vi

pairings: Peter Parker x Reader (both are 18+)

chapter summary: Peter came to Paris to visit Reader

warnings: fluffs, language?, reader is having a hard time with her art, intsy teensy jealous!peter

author’s note: so sorry if its short and late!! i’ve been trying my best to weave the plotline gently. enjoy, though! happy reading! (taglists are still open)

series masterlist || previous part 

-

it has been a month since you moved to Paris. needless to say, there was a lot of stress-crying, the feeling of homesick, and just plain happiness. but as of lately, your mojo has been off. you scraped a lot of paintings of your own because it doesnt feel right

when you told your newly best friend about it, he would push you (in a good way) to get out of that zone. he would definitely try to take you out to get some fresh air but it always ended up with the two of you sitting on the couch watching Netflix.

you haven’t had an art block since forever so it was shocking when you found out the next day that you feel as if you can’t paint or draw right. you ended up accidentally throwing your paintbrushes on the floor out of frustration and that was when Jules came in to check on you.

“is everything alright?” he said soothingly. you looked at him with crystal eyes that could shatter any moment. you took a seat and sob quietly.

“I don’t understand,”

“You don’t understand what, Y/N?”

“Why am I suddenly like this? at the peak of my career?” you muffled through your hands. Jules took a seat beside you and rub circles on your back,

“Hey, don’t be too harsh on yourself. you know everyone loses their inspiration every once in a while right?”

“I know but not this long,”

“Don’t compare yourself to others, Y/N. You’re you and thats enough,”

you sighed trying to make sense of the world again. you moved your hands to breathe right again. “Come on,” Jules stood up “We’re going to get ready and really get you out of this house.”

you smiled to Jules and said okay.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

you were sitting on your vanity trying to clean up your face and make it less puffy and dead. your bedroom door were wide open when you heard a doorbell ring.

“Jules! will you get that?”

no answer

“Jules!”

and still no answer.

you groaned and pushed yourself to the door with the most annoyed face plastered on. you opened the door slightly, “Can I help you?” and that’s when you saw a brown hair boy on your porch.

“Peter?” you gasped, shocked that your crush friend is right in front of you.

“Is that really you?” you cupped his face

“The one and only!” Peter smiles

Peter opened his arms to celebrate you with a hug, you hugged him, inhaling the smell of his cologne that you will never get tired of.

“What are you doing here? Are you here with MJ?” you pulled back from him and took a good look of him

“Actually, I’m just here by my own,”

“Y/N? who’s at the door?” Jules voice becoming more and more clear as he walks to where you were at. “Jules, this is Peter! Peter, Jules,” you introduced them both.

Jules took his hand out wanting to shake Peter’s hands but Peter just wave it off leaving Jules hanging.

“I’m guessing you don’t want to go out anymore?”

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all, Y/N.” Jules said with a smile and just like that he went out to probably eat or something leaving you and Peter alone at the small house. You invited Peter in and showed him the couch.

“So you and that guy?” Peter says with a hint of jealousy in his voice. You chuckled, “Yeah, well, no,” Peter raised his eyebrows, “He’s just my roommate and co-worker,” you said explaining to him.

“That does not make any sense. How is that allowed?” he asked

“Its just the company that I’m working with thinks that it might good to have a co-worker who leaves in the same house to help with the project.”

Peter formed his mouth into an ‘o’ signalling that he understood.

“Are you here by yourself?”

“Yeah,”

“MJ is coming here too later today! maybe we should hang out?” you suggested

“About that... MJ is not coming,”

“Oh no! what happened?”

“Nothing happened! She was never coming here in the first place,”

you had a confused look on your face,

“so she doesn’t want to see me?” you said with sadness laced in your voice

“N-no! She lied! for me!” Peter tries to assure you,

“W-what?”

“Truth is, I missed you. I felt like I could go crazy if I have to go another month without seeing you,”

He took a deep breath

“So I made her lie to you that she’s coming here so that you won’t know that it was actually me. I want it to be a surprise, y’know?” he said in his Queens accent.

you were frozen to your seat. you felt so... full? is that even a right word– you missed Peter too but you didnt expect him to go this long just because of a silly reason. you punched him on his arm,

“Ouch! what was that for?!”

“for lying to me!”

“It was for a good reason!”

“Still!”

you put on your best mad face to make him feel intimidated and you can tell it was working when you made the one and only young Avenger avoiding an eye contact with you.

you burst out in laughter,

“what’s so funny?” he said offended,

“I’m just joking! I miss you so much, Peter!” you said and embraced him with a hug once more.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

the whole day was well spent with Peter. the two of you ordered a take out food for dinner. you were sat comfortably on your pale blue bedsheets while Peter is taking in the view of your bedroom.

“do you like that one, Parker?” you teased when uou saw he was staring at a naked figure that was a part of your anatomy self project.

he blushed and rubbed the back of his head.

“These are amazing, though,” he said staring at the wall that was half full with your artworks and stickers. you love that part of your room, if marrying a wall was the norm, you’d marry it in no time.

“Thank you, it’s not done yet,” you said looking at your laptop trying to find a movie for the both of you to watch

“Are you going to finish it?”

“I was going to finish it this week but everything feels like hell,”

“Whats wrong?” he asked while dipping into the bed with you

“I don’t know, I can’t paint right these days. whenever I do, I just ended up tossing them in there,” you pointed to the dustbin

“Sometimes I wish I could just drink something that would make me have my mojo back, y’know?”

Peter nodded

“But you have to understand, Y/N. These art blank are just gonna get worse if you keep forcing it,” he paused looking for the right word to say

“You have to stop overworking yourself because you’re not a robot,” he held your hands

you smiled at him, “It’s art block, Pete,”

“What?”

you chuckled and “It’s not art blank, it’s called art block,”

“Yeah, whatever, they’re the same thing,”

“Right, but thank you anyway. I really needed to hear that from the right person.” you laughed.

he took your laptop from your lap and put on the most basic film ever; Shrek. you raised your eyebrows at him but he ignored it and said it’s a good film.

slowly and surely, you felt your eyelids getting heavier as you lay your head on Peter’s chest. breathing steadily as he wraps his arm around you.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

you woke up with coldness next to you that was once filled with Peter’s warmth. you rubbed your eyes and figured that he went home early. you went to the kitchen to meet the sound of pans clanking and something smells good.

“Good morning, Jules,” you assumed

“Good morning, Y/N!”

you rubbed your eyes again to see if that was really Peter standing or if its just an hallucination and thank God it was real.

“What are you doing?”

“Making pancakes,” he said while flipping he pancake on the pan

“Burned pancakes?” you jokingly said but you were fully aware that he had made you your favourite comfort food; chocolate chips pancake.

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“I thought you went back to your hotel room,” you said pouring yourself an orange juice

“would you be upset that if I did?”

“maybe.” you smacked your lips.

you head to the breakfast table that has already been set with forks and knife.

“Good morning, y’all,” Jules said through a yawn

“Morning, Jules,” you respond

Peter just stood there infront of the stove, keeping his focus on the pancakes.

Jules made himself a cup of joe and went to sit down with you at the table. Peter turned off the stove and set the plate down in front of you. it was awfully nice at how he stacked three pancakes together with a berries that has been cut and has been carefully placed into a smiley face.

“Looks delicious, Pete,” you kissed his cheeks and smiled

“If you want there’s more at the counter, Jules,” Peter said trying to be on his best behaviour

“Nah, I’m all good. I’m on a diet,”

“Yeah, right,” you said as you sliced the pancakes

Jules rolled his eyes while Peter had a disgust face on. what? do you think you’re better than my pancakes? Peter thought to himself. Jules excused himself to his bedroom. Now, its only you and Peter.

“When are you going back home?” you asked with mouthful of pancakes

“the day after tomorrow. I have a lot of things I have to do,”

you frowned not wanting him to leave, almost regretting that you had asked him that

“Would you mind staying here?”

“You know I can’t do that,”

“No, I meant, stay here until its time for your flight to go back home,” you suggested

“Where will I sleep?”

“You can take the bed! i’ll take the couch!” you eagerly said trying to convinced him

“I can’t let you do that,”

“Oh,”

“I can’t let you sleep on that couch, I’ll take the couch,” he smiled

you quickly embraced him and pulled back, you had a huge smile on your face. you can’t wait to spend the rest of the next few days with your best friend.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

say you love me taglist

@imawkwardandhereweare @canyonmoonspidey @thebadassbitchqueen @thequeenreaders @averyfosterthoughts @a--1--1--3 @prkrholland

[fluidityandgiggles]

Dalton Big Bang day 22 - That’s What We’re Here For

Writing Masterpost, AO3 Link

Notes: Logan in therapy is a thing I care about very deeply and he needs a good therapist to help him out. Did you really think I'll write about anyone else in therapy?

"This is Dr. Blake's office," Johnny told Logan as they left the horrid medicinal smell of the office building and entered a room that could best be described as what would happen if a unicorn projectile-vomited.

Well, maybe he was exaggerating a little, but still! The walls were a light lilac color, decorated with fairy lights and childish doodles painted on colorful paper; the wall near the door had several bookcases on it, full of crafting supplies and tabletop games and books Logan didn't care to check out, and next to them was a white desk with two colorful chairs right up against the wall.

There were also a small coffee table and a light blue suede couch opposite the desk and chairs. The couch was covered with plushies and there was a soft blanket folded neatly on the armrest. That was the biggest offender in his opinion. That couch in particular.

On that couch sat a young man, about somewhere in his thirties, sipping a cup of tea and looking straight at Logan. He sported slightly messy light brown hair, in a way that still seemed intentionally so, and frameless glasses that sat high on the bridge of his nose; Logan believed that, had the glasses been different, maybe his green argyle sweater vest and khaki pants combo would look less nerdy and more… well, more like something. Anything, really.

"Dr. Blake," John greeted the man, nodding a bit as a courtesy.

"Senator Wright." His voice was calm, but as his face broke into a smile Logan could hear it change into something else. "And this must be John—"

"Logan."

"Yes, of course. Excuse me." As the therapist stood up, Logan could see him grab a cane he hasn't seen before, that until now was resting on the small table. At a closer glance, he could see the man's leg wrapped in a bandage of some sort. "It's nice to meet you, Logan. I'm Arin Blake, you can call me Arin, or Dr. Arin, or Dr. Blake if you so fancy, I honestly wouldn't mind."

"Yeah…"

"Don't fuck this one up," Johnny threatened Logan as he turned to leave. "Your psychiatrist recommended him to us. Don't make her regret it—"

"Actually, Senator, I'd rather you joined us today."

The man was already on his phone by then, but at least he didn't leave, which meant he listened probably. Still surprised at the suggestion though, which showed on his face. Logan just scowled as he went to sit on the truly offensive couch - as instructed by the doctor - and grabbed a cat plushie to hold.

A brown cat plushie, not too fluffy, with embroidered black eyes and a stupid expression.

Kinda reminds him of Julian. In a way. He's not sure which. 

"In order to understand what we're working on here, I'd like to also hear your side of the story," Blake continued as he sat down in a chair in front of them. Johnny took the other side of the couch. "Can I offer you coffee, tea? Water?"

"Coffee is fine," Logan shrugged.

"To me as well."

"Just remind me for a moment, which medication are you prescribed?"

Logan may have rolled his eyes at that.

"Prozac, and I'm starting to take adderall soon."

"I see…" he hummed to himself as he got up and left the office, leaving Logan and Johnny in uncomfortable silence.

Dr. Blake's cup of tea was in a big blue mug, decorated with a print of tiny cartoon citrus slices. A clear plastic teaspoon stuck a bit over the top, and Logan inspected the little tag on the tea bag. Hibiscus apple cinnamon. Sounds fancy enough.

He just about took his phone out and started playing something when Blake came back, hopping on one leg almost, and put two disposable cups in front of them. Johnny's was a cup of coffee. His, though…

"I asked for coffee."

"And isn't this it?"

He took a sip. "It's… it's fine." It wasn't. There was too much milk, he could tell just by looking it. This was just a confirmation. "Thanks."

"So how about you both tell me why you're here?" The doctor sat back down in his chair, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know if you've heard in the news, but there was a fire at Logan's school—"

"Don't act like that's the reason we're here." Logan waited for his father to get red in the face. He always did. So he just leaned back and counted the seconds. "You brought me here because you think that everything wrong in your life is the result of me simply existing, and your only excuse to actually do it is that the people you dumped me on when you couldn't bother with keeping me around anymore can't look after me now."

"How do you think people would have reacted to my campaign if they knew—"

"Oh, come on, not everything is about your FUCKING JOB!"

"Okay, okay, Logan put that cup down." He did as he was told. After all, he can't fuck this one up, can he? "Now, without exploding on each other, please tell me what's going on."

"Logan's school burned down back in March—"

"February."

"—and he's only been getting worse since. He's always had anger issues, but since then he won't stop acting out. Usually over quite… petty things too."

Blake pushed his glasses further up, if that was even possible. "Petty things like what?"

"Like…" Johnny faltered, fumbling for words. So Logan spoke for him.

"Like that time last week when I asked if I can go visit my friend in California and you said I can't because what if his mom says no."

"Ms. Larson is a very busy woman, Logan. You can't just expect her to let you stay over because you wanted to on a whim."

"Well, I'm not five anymore, I don't think it really matters so much whether or not she can—"

"Let's stop it right there, again, Logan." Dr. Blake's stare made Logan curl up into himself. "Repeat that, now calmly."

Logan swallowed rather hard before talking again.

————

"Tell me a little about your friends," Dr. Blake asked at another meeting, about five weeks later. Logan sat on the chair closest to the desk, hugging the cat plushie again, and focused on drawing some flowers.

Lily of the valley. It was the only flower he could draw well. And isn't that just sad.

"There's Derek," he started, drawing the stems. "He… well, if he put half as much energy into caring for himself as he does for caring for me, I think the world would be a much better place. I think he's trying to compensate for this with girlfriends. It's kind of worrying, to be honest."

"But he cares for you?"

"Yeah. Sometimes a bit too much. It's… it's funny, actually, because… he really needs to work on himself. He can't fix me no matter how much he tries, because he's not some miracle worker and my mental health isn't fixable—"

"But it is treatable. And that's what we're here for."

"Yeah. I just… I find it funny, because he spends so much time trying to fix me that he's completely ignoring himself, and then he goes off and thinks having a girlfriend is a good replacement for self care. But I can't just tell him that… he'll get upset and then say it's not important and I'm just obsessing over it because reasons, and then when I get upset over not understanding he says it's my anger issues and I should be medicated."

"And why do you think he's doing this?"

This was the type of question that Logan quickly learned Blake loved asking. 'Why do you think', 'why do you feel', as if he wasn't the expert here. It was weird, having someone interested in his opinion without calling it anger issues and shutting him up, or telling him it's stupid and all that. He wasn't sure he could get used to it, but he certainly felt like he was, and it scared him.

"I think… I think he's just worried… he has anxiety, and I think he's reflecting it onto others because he doesn't know how to deal with it himself…? I know his parents don't know how to. So neither does he."

"And your other friend?"

Logan put down his pencil and picked a yellow one, throwing Blake a look.

"Julian is… he's cool. I miss him, I haven't seen him in months and he can't come over for vacation because his mother won't let him."

"Is he just cool?"

"I mean… he's one of my best friends, so… he's cool. He's very snarky sometimes… well, most of the time… and we talked about it a while ago, about why he's like this, and it was before revising my diagnosis, and he didn't really understand that I was insulting him back as a fight or flight response and he thought I was enjoying it… umm…"

Blake just pushed a mug closer to Logan. It was a clear mug, full of a bright red liquid. The hibiscus apple cinnamon tea. He made it for Logan today, as an attempt to get him to like something with no caffeine. Apparently coffee was bad for adderall. He assumed it'll be okay though.

"We're working on it now. And he needs physical therapy, so it's not like we really can do it in person, but we call each other every day and stuff…"

"You should visit him, then," the doctor suggested, making Logan snort. 

"I don't think he wants me around… his boyfriend is there to keep him company. It's fine. Well… not his boyfriend. I'm not sure what they are. It's complicated, I think. Jules says they're not dating but they sure have a—"

"Dearie, are you jealous?"

He just laughed again. "Of Julian? Nope. Not in a million years. Of Sebastian? I… I don't actually know. I mean, he and Julian aren't together even if sometimes it feels like it, and Jules did say I'm his best friend and stuff, but on the other hand he makes him happy, and…"

"And being jealous is okay, so long as you put it into a healthy outlet and not into anger. Talk to Julian about it. See what he thinks and says."

"But… we talked about it… kind of… he said he's in love with me, but it wasn't at a very ideal situation, and… we agreed to not talk about it. Just… let ourselves work through it, figure out what we really feel… what he really feels… and then we'll see where we go from there."

"That's good. But ask him for clarification, okay? Don't make your head spin like this."

Logan just nodded along, grabbing a blue pencil to shade in the flowers themselves.

"So I think I'm going to visit Julian soon," he continues. "I'll ask Derek to join me too… maybe I can buy him a gift…"

"That's a nice idea. What does he like?"

"He likes… cats, and candy… maybe I can get him new sunglasses. I think he'll like sunglasses. Or coffee…"

"Is coffee a gift?"

"Expensive coffee, maybe."

The doctor just laughed. "How about starting small… what about flowers?"

"...I can get him flowers…"

"That you can. I fear we're running out of time, though." Logan looked up from his drawing, a bit disappointed. "We can keep talking about this next week too, okay?"

"Okay… sorry for wasting time like this."

"You've wasted no time, dearie. It's all good. Just remind your father to write me a check, yeah?"

————

Logan crashed on the blue suede couch and covered himself all the way up over his head the second he made it to Dr. Blake's office that day. Sure, he was still wearing his huge coat — New York was especially snowy this winter, like, much more than usual — but he didn't really want to show his face to the world, and the receptionist who asked him to wait earlier was on the receiving end of his panic attack. It wasn't fair to the others, and it just… it wasn't…

"Do you want me to make you tea, dearie?" Blake asked him, rubbing his back. He sounded worried.

Logan just nodded and whimpered.

"Okay… try to breathe while I'm gone, okay? In for four, hold for four, out for four. Think you can do that?"

He nodded again.

"I'll be right back."

As Logan waited for Blake to come back, he started crying again. Winter vacation wasn't treating him too well, between fighting with Julian back at school right before coming home and getting yelled at by his father for flirting with the son of an associate (well, the guy was pretty cute, and certainly down to fuck) and probably the cherry on top, he was late. It wasn't as bad as the others, but he was late to this appointment, and he had so much to talk about, and…

"Logan, can you hear me?" Blake asked after what felt like forever, holding his hand. Logan whimpered again in response. "Come on, let's breathe together. I'll count."

He didn't even feel how long it took before he was sitting up, a second, weighted blanket on his shoulder, drinking his tea. Dr. Blake was still there, helping wipe his cheeks with a tissue as Logan tried to calm down.

"...Julian and I had a fight."

"Okay… what was it about?"

"I… I tried talking to him again, about… about us, and our relationship, and where does our friendship go, and he screamed at me that he's tired of talking about it and that I need to stop bringing it up, that he's with Sebastian and that's it, and then I yelled back and I… I may have slapped him, but…"

"That's bad, dearie. You know it's bad."

"I know! And I hate myself, I hate myself so much for doing this! He doesn't deserve a friend like me, I'm… I'm possessive and an asshole, and he just…"

"Okay, here's where you're wrong," the doctor told him, taking one of his hands. "You're wonderful, Logan. You're a great friend, and Julian didn't tell you he hates you. He didn't say you're terrible."

"But he implied it."

"He did not. It was an intrusive thought. What did Julian say, exactly?"

"...he… he said it's, he said that he's tired of talking about it, and that… that he already has a boyfriend, so I can't... " He hiccuped.

"Exactly… nothing about you as a friend. Open your phone and call him for me, okay? I want you to talk to him, and I want to see you do it."

Logan just nodded, a bit hesitant. He fumbled with his phone, trying to avoid looking at Julian's number, but ultimately he just… did.

Julian answered at the third ring.

"Hey, Lo."

"Hey…" he sniffled a bit. "I just… I need clarification on… on something." He looked at Blake for approval, wiping his eyes with a finger. Blake just nodded.

"Sure, what's up…?"

"Just… when we… had the fight. And you screamed at me and I screamed back, and…" Logan took a second. "Jules, do you hate me?"

"...are you high right now? Seriously. Are you?"

"No… I'm in… never mind."

"Okay... Lolo, I can't hate you. You're my best friend, you know how much I love you, but sometimes I can get mad or frustrated. Just like you do." He could hear the disappointment in Julian's voice almost. "I'm with Sebastian now. I'm happy with him. I love you, I really do, but you constantly asking me if I'm sure I'm happy and if we can give it a chance is getting tiring. I'm sorry, but it's getting really difficult."

"I… I'm sorry… Jules, I—"

"I accept your apology. I'm not mad at you, you don't have to get so anxious about this. You're starting to act like Derek."

"I'm still sorry…" he could finally take a breath, looking at his therapist for approval again. "That's… that's all I… I'm just in therapy, and…"

"Okay… go back to therapy. Don't waste time talking to me. I love you."

"Yeah… me too."

Logan hung up after that and turned to sip his tea, which has now cooled down.

And then the doctor spoke. "I'm proud of you. You don't need to apologize so much, you're doing just fine, but you did great. I'm so proud."

"Thanks." Logan forced a smile.

Maybe… maybe things would be okay, at the end of it all. He sure hoped so.

————

"I'm going to ask Julian out," Logan announced one day, two years into seeing Blake, just waltzing into the office. He may have caught his doctor by surprise, but as he sat down and grabbed his cat plushie, Blake straightened back up and cleared his throat.

"Doesn't he have a boyfriend, though?"

"Not anymore! And he said he doesn't want a rebound but then we talked about it and—"

"Okay, slow down. Let's start from the top. Julian broke up with his boyfriend?"

Logan nodded, then started rambling — "apparently they grew apart, at least it's what he told me, but I'm kinda pretty sure Sebastian cheated on him with Blaine? Blaine is my ex, he's kinda… meh. But yeah. So they broke up, like, three weeks ago, and Jules said he doesn't want a rebound so fast after the relationship, but I can build up to it! I can… I can start talking to him about it, right?" — all while Dr. Blake listened, nodding along to what he was saying.

"...okay… we can build up to that, then. I can help you do it if you're nervous about it."

"I'm really nervous about this…"

"Okay, okay, I can help. But first, how was your week? I made you tea."

"I saw that, thank you, but…" his stomach fell. "My week was so boring… college is boring. I have an exam in two weeks that I'm not sure I'm ready for, Alex had a mental breakdown the other day that I had to help with because nobody else was around, my dad visited…"

"And how is your dad?" Logan rolled his eyes at this question. "No, no no no. You answer me. How is your dad?"

"He still thinks I'm gay for the rebellion part of it. I mean, he'll get over it, I have faith in Michelle to make him change his mind, but… he and Michelle visited, and it was really nice. I missed both of them so much. But the second he saw my friends again he started talking shit, because Drew's voice dropped a lot since the last time they met and he started making transphobic remarks and it was… it was bad. It was so bad."

"Did you help Drew out?"

"Yeah… and then my dad got mad at me and we went into a screaming match. But it's okay, Michelle… did her best to get us to talk. I think he understands it now… not the gay thing, but… the transgender thing."

"That's good…"

Logan opened his phone right before the end of the session, as Blake was reminding him to remind his father to pay and that next week they'll talk in video chat, same day same hour. He nodded along, looking through to his messages to Julian — there —  and getting up and out.

Lolo: I know you said you don't want to get back at it this early, but when you're ready, wanna go on a proper date…?

Lolo: also, can we talk about something? I have an exam soon and I'm anxious as shit

He kept staring at it as he went downstairs and to his car, watching the text on the screen dance with a pain in his chest.

J is typing...

[scatterpatter]

15 w Corren!

15: What is your characters background story?

OHOHO, so I’m going to leave One Detail Out because there’s one part of his backstory I don’t wanna spoil for Jazz yet, but... >:3c

Also it’s under the cut because i totally infodumped and then some OOPSIE

oh also cws: serious illness, death, domestic violence, depression

Corren Hartwell grew up the youngest of 3 siblings, the oldest being his big sis Mila and the middle child being his bro Julian. Their parents were pretty detached emotionally, but that’s pretty par for the course where he was from, and they provided for the kids so it really wasn’t all that bad. Not a perfect family, no fam ever is, but they were happy.

His race’s culture is super inclined to intelligence and studying technology, the mind, etc, so Corren spent his childhood being a total bookworm. Studying history, arcana, all sorts of stuff... he never really minded it, though. He was actually quite good at what he did! 

Mila was a spellcaster- I honestly forgot what school of magic she was in OOPS, and Julian dual-classed as a Necromancer and Bard! Jules and Mila were both pretty close in age, and they were like besties on top of being siblings, and they’d often team up to do small adventuring jobs: hit up the help wanted board in town and take care of short deliveries or a monster stalking a farm or something like that- both for the thrill and to also earn some extra gold for the family. They loved Corren, but they couldn’t take him with them because it was too dangerous for him since he was still just a little kid. Still, Corren admired them and wanted to be just like them(better, even?) when he grew up! ... Oh yeah I always forget this detail but Corren’s totally trans XD He came out pretty young but his family was chill with it so like... ayyyeee

Though one day, Mila started getting sick. Corren doesn’t really know what it was, but for whatever reason she wasn’t able to heal from it with simple healing spells. It was a slow process, but she was just getting worse instead of better, and one day she passed. The family was a wreck, understandably. The issue is... Corren and Julian had... different ways of grieving. Corr was still young, the equivalent of like someone 10-12 in human years, so he didn’t fully grasp the concept of death just yet. He retreated into himself a lot, had trouble grounding himself to the present and really struggling with depression. Julian, about the equivalent of someone 16-18, had a better understanding of what was going on, but he was wrecked. He wanted their sister back, and was so upset he couldnt do anything... but he wanted to try. He ended up doing something rash, and... well, spoilers ;) (dont worry he didnt hurt Corren or anyone else, but... he Fucked Up in what he tried doing)

Things quickly went downhill from there for the Hartwells. There was often a lot of fighting between Julian and their parents, or Corren would be chided for being unable to focus, like, at all, and... Corren and Jules never really fought, but there was a clear rift between them after what happened. They still loved each other, but it was so obvious their relationship would never be like what it was when Mila was still around, and that hurt both of them so much.

A few months later, things reached a boiling point and Julian was kicked out of their home. Before he left, though, he found Corren and gave him something: a small amethyst pendant on a necklace chain, something Julian used to always wear. They made a promise that this wasn’t gonna be goodbye, that they’d find each other again, and then Jules was gone. It was just Corren and his mom and dad.

Things were still strained, and Corren just did his best to keep to his studies to distract himself from everything. Not wanting Corren to end up like his brother, his parents forbade anything necrotic in the magic he learned. The problem was... Corren still loved Julian. And still wanted to be like him, to a point, so... he would study necromancy in secret. It was kinda like his little lifeline like “hey Jules is still here to an extent if I know the spells he does”, and things seemed to be going okay, for the most part

Well uh... one day his father caught him practicing his necromancy and... well, was far from happy about it. An argument quickly erupted between them both, a lot of yelling back and forth, and before Corr could react properly, his father grabbed something from the desk and struck him with it, giving him a pretty bad cut across his right eye(the smol scar I always draw? Yeah...). In a panic, Corren’s flight of fight kicked in as he cast a magic missile at his father in retaliation. Corren isn’t sure if his attack just stunned, knocked out, or killed his father, but the flight of fight-or-flight kicked in as he just ran from the situation. He had no idea what he was to do or where to go, but he just knew he couldn’t go back home after that.

SO this poor kid, probably the equivalent of a 14-15 y/o, is out on his own now... and he sure does his best. He mainly spends his time hopping from town to town, taking up small jobs to get some gold in his pockets, and is just... focusing on surviving. Going from this sheltered lifestyle to suddenly on the streets was a wake-up call and then some, but he found ways to make it work. Luckily his background of studying all the time gave him enough intelligence to take up tasks others weren’t as capable of, but it was still... far from easy. But he made it work!

One day he’s in a city known as Lilenthemar, just taking a break in one of the town squares, when an Elven man takes a seat on the bench next to him. They both sit in a comfortable silence for a while... but the elf then strikes a conversation. Corren, socially awkward like no tomorrow, tries to keep up the conversation... key word tries. The man introduces himself as Jethro, and I imagine the conversation took a turn like this:

Jethro: I don’t see many Marelienths around here, are you new in town?

Corren: Yeah, just passing through I guess. ... Gotta say, wasn’t expecting to see the Dragon Saint of the Green as I came here, though.

Jethro, laughing: Ah, yes, Raerose. Don’t worry, he’s a kind dragon. Though, it’s certainly surprising to those who are new to the city.

Corren: Oh, no, I know all about Raerose and his connections to this city and the Edgewoods. I just wasn’t expecting to... you know, run into his path as quickly as I did.

Jethro: Oh, so you’ve done your research, I take it?

At that point, Corren does what any neurodivergent would do when asked about his hobbies: Infodumps the hell out of what he knows. He’s far from a great scholar, considering he’s only the equivalent of someone 16-21ish at this point and spent quite a few years away from studying in favor of surviving, but he was still very intelligent and knowledgable about what he talked about. Jethro, picking up on this, decided to offer Corren a temporary position as a Family Historian. Jethro was actually a noble, something Corr somehow didn’t pick up on, and not only could’ve used the help... but also, he kiiiinda picked up on the fact that Corren looked like a kid who could use a place to stay for a while. Corren, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, immediately accepted the offer.

Now, Corren wasn’t intending to stay for long. A few months, maybe a year or two... but. He realized he was building a pretty stable life by having a consistent job for the elf- it didn’t make much sense to just leave that in favor of hopping from place to place with no purpose. Not to mention, he was actually growing quite close to his boss. They’d often spent time together during off-hours, sitting in a comfortable quiet, just taking comfort in each other’s presence. Jethro’s actually the only one Corren ever opened up to about his past, and over the years Corren really grew to love him in a strong platonic way. They both struggled with their own grieving, Jethro with his passed wife and son he hadn’t seen in years, and Corren with his passed sister and brother he hadn’t seen in years, which only helped them grow closer, since they understood each other’s pain, in a sense.

He still struggled with depression, but overall Corren was doing pretty damn well in life. ... Many years later, Corren being 44(idk which human-equivalent this would be. Mid-Late 20s? Early 30s?), actually gets to meet Jethro’s son, Jericho, and the party he traveled with... called the F.U.C.K.s. ... I couldn’t make this shit up even if I tried. They needed help getting to a place called the Menoa Tree, which Corren happened to have studied for a long while, so he offered to help the party. ... They totally broke him with their antics. He proceeded to have a mental breakdown in front of them, and essentially went “FUCK THIS IM GOING HOME AND TAKING A NAP”. Jethro got a laugh out of the furious rambling Corren came home with.

... But despite that, something stuck with him. He just couldn’t quite get the party out of his mind. Something about them, as frustrating as they were, was almost... magnetic? ... Well, weeks later, word came to Lilenthemar about a war that had been raging on for years now... but specifically of a battle at a city known as Joshua, the forces being lead by Jericho alongside many others. Jethro was of course worried about his boy... and Corren... well, something in him changed. He wanted to know more about the FUCKs and just WHAT their deal was, and he wanted to ease Jethro’s worries, so... he grabbed a sniper rifle and decided that he’d go help protect Jericho and his friends as they fought. 

He eventually caught up to the party, convinced them to let him help, and after many battles... the war was won(Corren kinda came in at the tail-end of it all). The only thing is... after that, Corren didn’t really want to go home just yet. He actually enjoyed spending time with the party... and then it clicked: They were powerful adventurers who were totally crazy, stupid, and had no sense of self-preservation... they were just like Julian. And Corren loved it, even when they drove him crazy. He felt alive, which is something he realized he hadn’t felt in a long time... and quickly grew attached to his party, Alistair now taking the reigns as leader as Jericho retired from adventuring. And, well, he’s stuck with them ever since!

He still has Julian’s amethyst, as they’ve yet to reunite(yknow, assuming Jules is still alive even), but... certain events are causing some concern with the story I’m telling. Mainly... Corren is slowly facing Aboleth Corruption(he doesn’t know this yet, but is starting to suspect there’s something wrong with him), and that’s causing parts of his memory to be... patchy. Certain things aren’t lining up, and there could be more(or just different altogether) pieces of this story than what I’ve just told... but we’ll have to wait and see until we get to the quest that deals with that before we find out what’s REALLY going on ;)

... HEY UM I HOPE YALL DONT MIND THE IMMENSE INFODUMP IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR THEN THANK U FOR CARING ABT MY BOI ;-;

[winterisakillerwrites]

Realization

One Shot: Last Minutes & Lost Evenings 2/16

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/ Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: Love was never supposed to be part of the equation.

Rating: PG

Warnings/Authors Notes: This is the second part of Last Minutes & Lost Evenings, this series is currently on-going and will flit back and forth between past, present and future.

Previous

For the first time in far too long, Tom felt as though he could breathe.

The past few months had been nonstop motion. He seemed to fly from promotion to promotion. An interview here, a photoshoot there, pre-production meetings, it never seemed to end. He had smiled and flirted and been the Tom Hiddleston everyone expected of him. It was draining. He had felt himself slowly dwindling down, his temper flaring far more often and far hotter than situation allowed. He was tired. Not just physically, though god knows he could feel the weariness straight to the bone, but emotionally as well. Exhausted and weary and frighteningly near the end of his tether.

But here, now, he felt at peace. It amazed him still, the comfort her small apartment brought him. Or well, if he were being completely honest, that she brought him. Everything was simpler, easier. He could just be and dear god it was wonderful. It was his own personal heaven and he would guard it fiercely.

The apartment was quiet. He could hear the soft patter of Rosemary in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets; the soft chink of a spoon against the sides of a mug. Tea, he realized, lovely. It brought a smile to his face, these simple things she did for him. The quiet, warm affection she bore him.

His smile widened as she appeared in the doorway, a steaming mug in each hand. He took his, offering her a small nod in thanks. A warm smile spread across her features, answering his own. “Sleep well?”

“Yes,” he nodded, pushing his admitted shaggy hair back from his forehead, “Very much so,” His voice was still scratchy with sleep. He waved his hand, beckoning her to join him. Her smile grew as she climbed onto the bed, settling comfortably against him.

She felt wonderful pressed against his side, her head resting against his bare shoulder. He kissed the top of her head, rubbing his free hand quickly up and down her arm. He’d always found any excuse to touch her, to hold her. She always seemed to fit so perfectly against him. They had passed countless hours in just such a manner; huddled together in her bed, on her couch, in her minuscule kitchen. They had talked about everything and nothing. It was comfortable. Just to be simply Tom and Rosie. No commitments, no demands.

He cherished these stolen moments. He had done so for the nearly year and a half that they’d been doing this. She was a safe harbor.

His eyes landed on the digital clock sitting on her bed stand. It was fast approaching late morning and he knew she would have to leave him, if only for a few hours. Usually their time together was just theirs, neither letting their real lives encroach for as long as possible. But his arrival had been unannounced. He’d found himself free and in desperate need of her so he’d come, knowing full well she very likely had commitments that she could not shirk. He was being utterly selfish.

“When do you have to be off?” He tried to keep his tone as neutral as he could.

“I don’t,” She smirked, snuggling tighter against him. “Perks of being your own boss. Jules is running things today. So it looks like you’re stuck with me for the time being, mister.”

He grinned, delight etched across his features. “Wonderful.”

I love her. The thought flitted  across his mind so swiftly he wasn’t quite sure he understood it at the time. Rosie was wonderful; simple and elegant, warm and open. She had become something so vital in his life, it was impossible for him not to care for her. But love? It was ridiculous. He couldn’t love her. But I do. God help me I do.

What he didn’t know was just what he could, or honestly should, do about it. He was well and truly fucked.

“You alright there?” Her voice snapped Tom back to himself.

It took him several moments to gain hold of his voice. “Yes. Sorry, my mind went on walkabout for a moment there.” He took what he hoped wasn’t a shaky breath, pushing his startling revelation aside. He would think on it later, because venturing down that rabbit hole could only lead to disaster. Better simply to let it be.

He placed another kiss to the top of her head. Just let it be, Hiddleston. Just let it be.

~*~*~

He really was absolutely stunning. Rosemary could easily spend all day just watching him do the most mundane of tasks, truth be told she often did in the sixth months that they had been doing this. He had an unassuming grace about him that effortlessly drew you in. He was currently working through an impressive pile of laundry. He’d come straight to hers from the airport, something that happened more often than not lately, his large and rather beaten lone suitcase in tow. How he managed to cram so much into one case she couldn’t fathom; even if it consisted of several of the same jumpers and dark jeans with a handful of t-shirts and dress clothes for variety.

She smiled at the way his forehead wrinkled, his mouth upturned, as he focused on sorting through each article and loading them painstakingly in her tiny washing machine. Why he didn’t use his own, she’d never understand. She knew better than to offer help, she’d tried the first time he’d descended on her and he’d outright refused. “I’m already invading your life, the last thing I want, darling, is to ask you to do my washing.” She had protested this, but Tom had stood firm. Whatever they were, and she never dared ask him to provide a label, she was neither his laundress nor his mother. Stubborn bastard.

“When you sit there staring at me like that, I can’t help feel a bit like a performing monkey.” He announced, his voice warm with humor, his attention never wavering from the pile of clothing before him.

“I thought you liked putting on a show?” she teased.

His eyes flicked to her then, a knowing smirk crossing his features. “If this is your idea of a show, Rosie my dear, you most certainly need to get out more.” She felt the familiar flutter in her stomach when he called her Rosie. He was one of the few who did. She lived her life as Rosemary, occasionally Rose to an older acquaintance. She was Rosie only to her family, and now to him. It was silly, really, that something so simple could mean so much. It made her feel special. Cherished. She mattered enough for him to give her a pet name. God, she was ridiculous.

“Well I wouldn’t say it’s the most entertaining show I’ve ever seen. It could use a bit more skin for my taste…” She quirked an eyebrow, returning his smirk.

Tom sighed, turning his attention fully to her. “You only want me for my body.” His eyes were wide, plaintive and forlorn. “And here I thought you actually cared.”

She groaned internally. Fuck this man and his fucking expressive face! God, he must have been an absolute terror as a child. “You really don’t understand the concept of playing fair, do you Hiddleston?”

“Why ever would I do that?” His face transformed once again into a bright smile. “It’s far too much fun this way.”

“You’re a jerk,” she retorted, unable to mask her own smile.

He laughed heartily, his attention turning back to the clothing piled before him. “And yet you love me anyway.”

Rosemary nearly started at the statement. It had been a throwaway line, she was quite sure he hadn’t even realized what he’d said, but she knew in that moment that it was true. She loved him. She had to fight to keep herself from laughing aloud at the thought. Jesus, she loved him. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

Of course she loved him, how could she not? He was a good man. Stubborn to a fault, yes, and guarded at the best of times, but a good man. He was kind and patient and he cared. She knew that, it was clear in every action, every touch, but she was no fool. Caring for someone and loving them were two vastly different things. And while she was assured in her own feelings, how she could ever not have realized how deeply she cared seemed utterly absurd, his were less certain. He cared for her, he was fond of her, that she knew without a doubt. He seemed content in their arrangement, though, in their careful construct of sex and companionship, in the ability to hide himself away in their tiny, little world. There were no commitments, no complications, no demands. And given the life she knew he led, the fluidity of their arrangement had to hold a strong appeal.

This revelation would throw a wrench in that, she was well aware. Feelings weren’t ever a concrete part of this. She was an escape, pure and simple, she knew that. Accepted it. Putting a voice to to her newly realized emotional state could well drive him off. Not that she believed Tom would be so callous. No. But he could, probably would pull away. And somehow that seemed worse. And even if he didn’t push her away, if he loved her in return, what would that honestly mean for them?

She shook herself from her thoughts. There was no sense in fretting now. Not while he was here. There would be plenty time after to figure things out. To make sense of it all. He was here now and that was what she needed to focus on. Tom, it seemed, hadn’t even noticed her inattention and for that she was grateful. She swallowed and forced herself back into the present. He was with her now and she would make the best of that. There would be time later to dwell on just what she was going to do.

Next

[lunaschild2016]

Close To You - [Eric/Devi] Part 2

Rated: M

Title and inspiration from Close To You by Maxi Priest

Summary: Devi and Eric’s story continues, but this time we see things from Eric’s eyes. It was her belief in him that sparked them finally coming together, but where did it really start for Eric? The life of a childhood sweetheart, conspiracies, and the fate of the city all hung over his head. He didn’t need to be wondering how to get close to the tiny amity with fire in her eyes and a mouth to match. He didn’t need to worry and wonder about how he could find a way to just be close to her.

@kenzieam  @pathybo  @jaihardy @every-jai @ericdauntless@beautifulramblingbrains @bookgirlthings @jojuarez26@oddsnendsfanfics @offroadinjandals @singingpeople@iammarylastar @irasancti @captstefanbrandt @clublulu333@fuckthatfeeling @tigpooh67 @ex-bookjunky  @jughead-wuz-here wuz-here @badassbaker @beanzjellly @beltz2016@meganbee15 @affabletimelady @scorpio2009 @gylisaa@geekybeyondallreason @violetsonthelam @kyloswarstars@emmysrandomthoughts @kgurew @beltzboys2015-blog@slytherin-princess-25273 @whatwouldbuffydo666@jaiboomer11 @holamor @wealwayskeepfighting @original46 @blakefc @xtheserpentx @artisthedgehog

Part 2

The buzzing of the tattoo gun is hypnotic. Combined with the sensation that the needle piercing my skin brings, I’m drifting into another zone. My head is laid back against the leather headrest and my eyes are half-closed. It’s a state of relaxation that seems ridiculous considering what’s being done to my skin at the moment. But that’s exactly what this is for me. 

Relaxing.

I hadn’t believed Ronin, a Dauntless-born that I’ve made friends with when he claimed that tattoos are addicting. His skin is already riddled with them and he seems to be the most tatted up guy among the bunch of Dauntless-born in our year. So, I just thought that particular opinion wasn’t common going by that information. 

I scoffed at my friend the same way I had at Jules when she teased me about being covered in ink from head to toe the next time she saw me. Now I’m not sure they weren’t right about that. 

The thing is, out of everything that Dauntless has on offer to help me unwind, this is the one place that I’ve truly been able to. 

Drinking is all well and good, but I don’t drink to get shit faced. Besides most of the crap they have here for mass consumption, and what us lowly initiates can afford, could strip paint it’s so strong. 

Hooking up seems to be another favorite way to pass the time here. I would’ve thought initiates would find slim pickings for that, but apparently, we’re all considered fresh meat. It’s not like my body isn’t all for it but my head is all kinds of messed up right now and getting involved with anything like that isn’t a priority for me.

The first couple of weeks here I had more difficulty with learning how to deal with this after my usual glares and silent treatment had no effect. Until Ronin came along and was happy to take any action off my hands that I didn’t want. I definitely got some shit from him about that, but I played it off as me being too focused on finishing initiation and getting first rank. I guess that was believable enough because he stopped giving me shit as much and seemed to pass the word around. I stopped having so many women coming onto me. 

The other forms of blowing off some steam were all found in the bars and entailed either dancing or fighting. One, I wouldn’t be caught dead doing, and the other isn’t something I’m allowed to do.

Entertainment fights are off-limits to all initiates from actually fighting in. I can watch them all I want, but what’s the fucking point of that? So, the only real kind of release I wanted at the moment is denied to me.

Which brings me to the tattoos. 

I hadn’t planned on getting anything done, tattoos or piercings, until I’m actually a member. I kept to that plan for the first month and a half that I’ve been here so far. But as of three weeks ago, that got shot to hell.

That’s all my little one’s fault. 

Devi.

Against all odds, predictions, and everything going against her, the girl’s still here. Still here tormenting me, but she doesn’t have a clue about that. Honestly, I doubt she even knows I exist. That fact still hasn’t stopped me from watching her. That’s how I knew that she now spends every day after training until just before lights out at the tattoo parlor. And that’s what also drew me here for the first time.

Really, I’m not sure when it started for her. Devi seems to be even better at slinking around unseen than fucking Four. While Four has at least has made friends with a Dauntless-born in our class named Zeke Pedrad, Devi talks to nobody and no one talks to her either, at least not in a pleasant kind of way.

The first week here she kept silent, even when the others started in on her, but as time went on her keeping silent went away. Now she doesn’t hesitate to give them back as good as they’re giving her. She might not win many physical fights, but I’ve seen her cut a few of the girls to pieces with her words before she storms away, looking like she’s barely able to hold herself back from getting physical. 

I know, since I know what’s really going on with her that some of her fight and loss of temper is from her withdrawal. A common side effect of detoxing is mood changes, but I’m guessing with what she was on and for how long she was on it, it’s even worse. Everything that I've been able to find out about that shit is bad news.

I got access to a tablet shortly after my brother letting me know what’s going on with her. I couldn’t help myself. 

Ronin’s got a brother who works in a high enough position that he’s given a tablet and managed to borrow it for me for a few days. Enough time for me to pull up any information I could find on the most commonly used serums in Amity. They have two main serums and several others that used but not as frequently. All of them are mood and behavior-altering, but Peace serum is the worst of the lot since it’s actually a combination of a few of them.

Out of all the substances that Erudite has come in contact with, peace serum has been the most damaging and dangerous to break a person from. Which is kind of fucking ironic considering that Amity is all about doing no harm and all that other hippie nonsense.

The serum is composed of several different serums in higher dosages and it forces the person to be calm and happy, as well as being very open to suggestions. Any negative thoughts or feelings are pushed away completely, and they don’t have to cope with those things either. Devi was on a lifetime of the shit. A lifetime of never having a bad or negative feeling means that she also never learned to cope with any of that. 

Things learned and experienced during puberty were completely suppressed and that can’t be a cakewalk for her to suddenly be feeling all at once. I don’t blame her one bit for keeping far away from anyone and everyone. It doesn’t help that the other initiates’ behavior has actually gotten worse when she does have to be around them. 

I think it pisses them off and offends them that she isn’t just hanging on by the skin of her teeth, but actually improving. Devi is a fighter, through and through even if physically she doesn’t look it. She’s shit at fights, there’s no doubt about that. More times than not she has to be helped or carried off the mat, bleeding and hurt. 

That’s been complete fucking hell to watch when it happens.

I still have a few more weeks of fights before the end of the first stage. Thank fuck we aren’t expected to fight every day. They do at least space them out and alternate activities to allow our bodies to recover a bit. But I’m counting down the days until the second stage starts and we won’t be expected to do much more than making sure we’re keeping up with workouts while we are doing whatever else they have planned for us.

So far, I haven’t had the match up I dread most, being put against Devi. Internally I’ve been hoping like hell that luck will hold out and I don’t get put against her. Based on a few things I overheard when Amar was talking with a couple of the leaders on the day they deigned to make an appearance and check on us, I think there’s a good chance I won’t have to. 

They were discussing fights and how everyone is doing. I heard one of them ask Amar about the Amity girl in a condescending tone, probably expecting to get a few laughs at how poorly she’s doing or at least some kind of smart-ass comment back from Amar in agreement of how unsuited she is for Dauntless. 

What he got instead was what I felt deep inside of me that night I carried her to the clinic.

‘If all of our people had as much fire as that girl does, then there would be nothing stopping our faction. That little girl might not look it, but I tell you she’s all Dauntless.’

She’s a true Dauntless and it shows, which is why I think the others are so hacked off at her. The tiny girl from the faction of peace lovers is making all of them look like fools with how they grumble and complain or try to worm their way out of their next match after being on the receiving end of a beating.

Not Devi though.

She leaves that mat a bloody mess and turns back up for her next fight with a fierce look on her face and little fists clenched at her sides. She doesn’t blink, no matter how unevenly matched the fights are, and she refuses to concede even when she’s being pulverized. 

I can’t count how many times I’ve watched her refuse to tap out and have to be knocked out instead, or a trainer call the match before some real or permanent damage can be done.

Amar let both Max and Oliver know this very fact. Then I heard them discussing future pairings. Max had been all for seeing how she would do against a higher-ranked fighter and would’ve pushed for that happening until Amar let him know that one of her previous matches was against Four. That satisfied their bloodlust but it only inflamed mine against the stiff. 

He was all apologies and reluctant looks before the fight, but once he got in there he didn’t seem to have any problem landing more than a few punches that made her bleed. Then there had been how he finished her off by locking her in a hold until she passed out all while she struggled and screamed her rage at him before finally the fire in her eyes dimmed and she was out.

That image fucking haunts me and I’ll never forgive either of them for it, but the stiff especially. I’ve just been waiting to get a little payback when my time comes to face off against him. 

For some reason, all of the leaders seem hesitant to make that happen right now. I’m not sure if it’s because there’s obvious enmity on my side or what, but it’s been pissing me off that the one match I’m looking forward to most isn’t happening.

“Let’s take a break. I need a smoke.” Bud, the tattoo artist currently working on me grumbles out drawing my attention back to what I’m in the middle of.

“Okay,” I say with a shrug and remain in the chair while Bud puts the gun up and clears a few things before moving off towards the back and behind a curtain that Tori, the other tattoo artist just disappeared behind in a hurry. 

I watch him for a second wondering why he’s going to the backroom for his smoke break when the other times he usually goes to stand outside of the parlor. With another shrug of dismissal, I look down and inspect the work done so far. 

I now have two tattoos and after Bud comes back it’ll be three. The first is the smallest and is about the size of my fist. The placement for that one is at the top of my spine and is a riff of the Erudite symbol combined with the Eye of Horus in an all-black tribal style of tattoo. 

The two I’m getting worked on right now cover the forearm on both of my arms and are a combination of black and rust color. I wanted something geometric and found a maze design on their wall of art so that is mainly what the design is made up of, broken only by the interjection of various symbols. 

The design for all of my tattoos have been me telling Bud and Tori what I wanted and then them coming up with something. Tori suggested I stick with using things that look like the Egyptian symbol from my first tattoo for the ones on my arms, so that’s what we did. Bud let me use his tablet and I spent a little bit of time searching the archives on the network. I eventually found some others I liked but from other old-world cultures. They all run along the same lines of meaning that the Eye of Horus has. Strength, Power, Health, and Wisdom. There are a few others that I put on there that are things I hope to work towards. I let my fingers trace the arm Bud has done so far, checking out how the reimagined design melds into the tribal style. 

Sounds from the back area distract me and pique my curiosity, especially when I clearly heard a particular name being mentioned. It has me easing out of the chair and sliding towards the curtained off area. I didn’t step through but I stayed close and pretended to be looking at some of the flash on the wall there.

“She should go get checked out in the clinic at the very least.” 

“She’s not going to do that anymore than she’s going to report the attack, Bud. I don’t blame her with the way shit’s been going around here. They're not going to do anything to the girls that did this and she says it would just make her more of a target with the other initiates.”

“Maybe I should go find them and have a few words with them then.”

“Don’t go doing anything stupid. Besides, Devi says she gave them as good as she got. You just go back out there and finish with that nose’s tattoo. I don’t feel comfortable having him in the shop longer than is needed. ”

“Still don’t trust him?” 

“I don’t trust anyone, Bud. Especially someone from that faction. Not after George.”

There is rustling behind the curtain and I know I won’t make it back to the chair, so I slide further down the wall and think about the shit I’ve just heard while I try to look like I’m just checking out the art on the wall.

Bud comes out just seconds later, looks at the chair and sees me not in it then swings his eyes around to find me. He narrows his eyes for just a second before he smirks and motions with his head towards the chair and turns to walk towards it himself.

I follow behind him casually and work to keep my composure. It’s a hard thing to do when I just want to leave here and go find whoever the cowards are that hurt Devi. Luckily, Bud doesn’t seem to realize where my mind is headed right now and he doesn’t press to talk.

He finishes my arm, seeming to work much faster than normal because before I know it, he’s wiping it clean and about to start smoothing the lotion that will prevent scabbing and heal the area.

“There you go, all finished.” He pronounces with a nod then turns to start cleaning up his gun.

I sit there inspecting the work and contemplating saying something or not to him but think better of it. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I find the girls and I don’t know Bud to trust him either.

I don’t spare another glance at him as I take care of paying for today’s session then walk out into the compound. 

                                                      ****************

Jocelyn and Portia.

I should have known it would be those two. They were complete bitches in Erudite and Dauntless just seems to have enhanced that. They’ve been the worst of the girls and relentless in their insults towards Devi. 

It took some investigating and me bribing Ronin to get access to the cameras but I was able to find out that Devi was attacked sometime after we were dismissed on Friday, which was shortly after lunch, and just after dinner. With there being no training scheduled for Saturday or Sunday, the initiates all scattered and it took scanning camera feeds to track everyone down. Not that the piss poor quality of most of the cameras made it easy but at least I was able to narrow down the likely suspects and eliminate them as I was able to pick them up. The only two I couldn’t find were Jocelyn and Portia. I was able to confirm with Candice in the clinic that they stumbled in late Friday evening.

Technically we aren’t supposed to be sleeping anywhere but the dorm. Leadership doesn’t really care enough to have anyone enforce that rule. So the Dauntless-born will generally go back to wherever they were living before initiation started or with friends. The transfers either found members to bunk in with or stumbled in for a few hours sleep before heading back out to party again.

I’ve had a lot of time to figure out what to do but what I decided on is nowhere near where I started at. Especially when Devi made an appearance at lunch yesterday, Saturday. 

Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if she hadn’t already been injured pretty badly from her last fight. With what she got during that fight and then the attack, I get why Bud was insisting she go to the clinic to get checked out. It took every bit of restraint and a few long hours of staring off into the Chasm to calm down instead of hunting them and throwing them into those raging waters. 

The entire time, I heard Eli and Jules in my head, cautioning me to play it smart and not lose my cool. Warning me not to do something that would put my position here at risk, to not put Devi at risk, any further than we already are.

It’s been two days since they attacked Devi and one since I found out it was them. I’ve been biding my time and last night, after those two were returning to the dorm from wherever they holed up at, I happened to run into them and shared a few words.

So, how did I get even with those two cowards? By promising to make their lives absolute fucking nightmares. By using every Erudite tactic to mess with their minds that I know. To have them jumping at shadows afraid to even breathe wrong around me for fear that the veiled threats I’ve made will be carried out. 

You see, those two were in Erudite with me and they at least know or suspect my involvement with Jeanine. Even if they don’t know about that, they at least know my personal reputation. I wasn’t known as a very nice guy to people that I found beneath me. I’ve made it clear that they are very beneath me and not fit to be at Dauntless, and one way or another, Dauntless will weed out the weak. 

Now, I wait. And I will reinforce that message as many times as it takes for them to cut their losses and get out while their ahead, before the little conscious I have fades altogether.  

This isn’t about Devi. This about what I can allow in my faction and what I can’t. 

At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

                                                          ****************

“I know you did something to them.” The tone is low and is probably supposed to be threatening, but I just find it irritating and ridiculous.

I knew there was a reason the damn stiff has been sticking to my side for the last few days. I’ve been waiting for him to get the balls to actually confront me on it. I didn’t think he would, but of course, he picks just before we’re about to face off against each other in our fight to start something.

I don’t respond, instead, I just try and focus on what’s ahead of me. Besides, it seems like my tactic of ignoring him seems to be grating and riling him up a little.

Maybe I can get him unfocused enough.

It seems to work because I can tell Four is losing all that carefully bottled up anger he likes to pretend isn’t inside of him before he launches into his next accusations. 

That he saw how I was always hounding and sniffing around Jocelyn and Portia.

Hounding and sniffing? Really stiff? 

I barely ‘ran’ into them a few times while they were traveling along some fairly dark and unstable hallways. It’s not my fault they weren’t watching where they were running to, even if they were trying to avoid me at the time.

He saw all those looks I kept giving the two girls and knows I was up to something with them.

No shit Sherlock, you’ve already covered that, move along. 

At this point, I’m amused and probably doing a piss poor job keeping that from showing. Not so much at his words but how flustered he seems to be getting about it all.

He starts throwing out insults at me, calling me names that he thinks will offend me but honestly, how am I supposed to get offended at someone calling me a ruthless bastard? That’s a fucking compliment in my book. 

When that doesn’t work he changes things up and goes for an accusation that has me losing all my cool, all my amusement, and it just pisses me off even further that I’m letting him get to me. 

His accusation that assaulted them shreds the last of my restraint.

This was very fucking fortunate timing because it was about then that Amar called us both onto the mat. 

I think I hear Amar saying something low enough where just the two of us can hear as we both glared at each other hatefully. I think he might be trying to tell us to keep things clean but there so fucking chance of that. 

Number boy wanted to get dirty and I’m all too eager to oblige.

[sheepsandcattle]

Chapter 14

Jordan’s bed makes Curly’s feel like a plank. Also, his heating’s not broken which is a nice change and makes mornings a hell of a lot easier. They’re not really the cuddling type (at least not in bed) but sometimes he wakes in the middle of the night to Jordan’s face pressed to the back of his neck, or with his weight draped over him and it leaves him with this overwhelming need to make himself small and press up close to his side.

They’ve not really labelled what they are, but it’s exclusive. Has been since June.

It feels a bit juvenile because they haven’t even kissed yet and it’s been over a month but sometimes, when Jordan gets hold of another borrowed car, he picks him up on the way to the supermarket in trackies and his glasses (he wears glasses - as if?) and they buy food for that night and it feels domestic and exciting.

Curly only ever stays for a night or two because, although Jordan knows about the reliance that seems to have crept up on him, Curls doesn’t fancy shooting up in the guy’s living room... Out of sight, out of mind - if only for a day or so. He usually manages to get a hit in before those headaches he’s been having have a chance to come back in full-force.

But yeah, when they aren’t in bed or watching hours of 90s films, they’re food shopping (but never for anything more substantial than pizza and garlic bread) and driving about in their pyjamas. They find out they’re both ace at bowling, spend hours comparing tattoos and sometimes Curly makes detours after deals, picking Jordan up at weird times just to go for nice long drives, aiming to get lost just for the fun of it.

A lot of the time they just park up in that same carpark. Jordan likes to place a hand on Curly’s thigh when it’s dark and they’re whispering, muffling laughs into each others’ jackets and rolling up the windows when they hear sirens and can’t air the car out fast enough anyway.

Most of the time, Jordan’s ridiculously understanding of Curly’s weird-as-fuck chastity situation. Sometimes, in the morning, he’ll wake up to fingers tickling his back and when he turned over once to look at him, Jordan’s hand had trailed up to his shoulder, then his neck and he’d traced his jaw, eyes all sleepy and hazy and glassy. His thumb had brushed Curly’s mouth and he seemed distracted for a second before he cleared his throat and sat up so fast it made Curly jump. He’d mumbled something about breakfast as he left the room.

And there’re the texts too: on the nights they sleep apart on the rare occasions he’s not overdone it and his head is still on his shoulders even after Jordan finishes work in the early hours. They’re never overly graphic (God, Curly wouldn’t even know what to do with that), but there was that time J had gone for a shower, texted ‘alone :( what a drag’ and Curly took seven minutes to reply ‘lol!” Because what was he meant to say?! But Jordan didn’t push it - never has.

Did he think about that semi-racy text a little later on when he was in bed and alone and horny and fed up? Yes. Was he ever going to tell Jordan or make any move to make whatever fantasy he’s mustered up that night, a reality? Absolutely not - are you dizzy?

***

Tonight, they’re sat around Jeff and Dean’s coffee table, cards out between them and a bottle of beer each as they play. Curly’s won every time so far - naturally. It’s not like playing against Jules and Oscar, though; there’s nothing on the table; no baggies or notes or pills piling up as payment. He keeps those things far away from this circle.

He’d caved this morning, taking a hit in Jordan’s bathroom and feeling guilty as he cleaned up after himself. Jordan knew though, he must have, because they ended up leaving half an hour late after the man had insisted Curly sat down for a while, told him to drink some water because he didn’t “look right,” and gave him a knowing look like he wanted to say, “it’s okay, but this isn’t.”

“I’m surprised you’re not into gambling,” Dean jokes as Curly places his last card onto the pile, shrugging smugly.

“Don’t give him any ideas,” J warns, punching Curly’s shoulder lightly as Jeff and Dean look on, confused, trying to work out when exactly it was that they got so close.

They don’t mean to, but they’ve been distracting each other all night, forgetting the game was taking place. They keep pulling each other into conversations, getting lost talking about the cafe last night or the guy that dropped the soda can in the supermarket and how they had to hide behind a bargain bucket to avoid the blast when the pop exploded.

“You still thinking about moving out, Curls?”

He’s not sure when he mentioned that to Jeff. Maybe Jordan let it slip.

“I mean, I am, but it’s not happening soon. I’m skint. Anyway, Jules and Oscar—” he shrugs and they all scoff. “Listen, they’re decent blokes. Good mates— shit roommates, but good mates.”

“They’re good for nothing,” Jordan argues as he collects everybody’s cards, like he barely even means to say it but clearly has no plans to take it back.

“Stay with us a while, man,” Dean offers then, exchanging a look with Jeff, who nods his encouragement.

“Hey, you can keep on top of the cleaning,” Jeff muses, presumably because he knows the likelihood of that is slim. Curly’s room is an absolute sty so the idea of him keeping things steady to earn his keep is almost laughable.

The fact of the matter is that Curly’s only making so much from dealing. He can’t get a real job because nobody wants him and his criminal record (one count of possession - just one for Christ’s sake) so he’s out all the time, trying to make connections, dealing to people too fucked up to know better. Never to anyone too fucked up to handle it - he’d never stoop that low - but still, he’s bent a few morels already. Something needs to change if he wants to move on.

“Or you could stay with me.” All heads turn to Jordan, who shrugs once and starts shuffling the cards. As far as their friends are aware, he’s a perfect introvert; doesn’t like company; likes his space to be his space and especially doesn’t share it with boys he barely knows. He sounds defensive in response to the two pairs of puzzled eyes as he says, “I mean, I have the space since Rhys moved.”

Curly has no idea who Rhys is, but Jeff and Dean both grimace and shake their heads in a similar way to how they reacted to Jules’ name. Jordan points between them, says, “don’t,” but he looks vaguely amused.

“Who’s Rhys?”

Jordan’s still laughing but it’s hollow now as he watches his hands intently, still messing with the deck. “Nobody,” he says as he shakes his head again, then hands the cards over to Curly instead.

Curly’s mint at shuffling.

He occupies himself with strip-shuffling the deck, showing off to anyone who’ll watch, as Dean says, “Rhys is the last pretty boy that needed a place to stay—“

“Temporarily,” Jeff cuts in, finger quotations and all. “How long was it again? A year?”

“Fuck off,” Jordan groans like he’s sick of hearing it. Curly wonders how often this Rhys bloke comes into conversation. This neck feels hot.

They continue to bicker and Curly keeps himself busy. The cards are properly shuffled by now but the conversation doesn’t feel like one that he’s supposed to hear. Or maybe it’s just not one he wants to hear. It’s probably daft that he never imagined someone like Jordan with anyone else in that way, and the thought makes him feel aggy suddenly, made worse as a few cards slip from his circuit and onto the ground.

He grumbles as he collects them back up and places the deck on the table.

“You’ve met Rhys, Curls. You must have,” Jeff says. “Were you at that party where Oscar puked in the fireplace? When he—“

“Yeah, he was,” Dean pipes up then. “You were hiding under the kitchen table with Jules for half the night, then--- Wait, no. You met him before that; when you were talking shit about… The moon or something.”

“Moon night!” Jeff pipes up with a laugh and Curly is a bit puzzled - since when did they have a name for that night? But then Jeff squints his eyes, puts on a dopey English accent as he mumbles, “have you ever uhh… seen the moon when it’s… covered…”

“Alright, mate, I get the point.” He sounds nothing like that.

He remembers now. In the kitchen - Freckles and some other boy. He hadn’t put the two together until now and…

Oh, and he supposes it was the same boy from the night Jordan helped him cut his shirt, was it? He learnt his name and he was nervous about going out with his new hair cut, but J touched it and said he liked it. Or, he was about to until somebody -Rhys- stole him away. He remembers waiting patiently for Jordan to quit wrestling with some guy and come back to him, only for a pretty boy with golden-blonde hair and olive skin to steal him away.

Curly nods slowly. “I think I remember him. Lip ring.”

“Not the only piercing he has if you ask Jor—“

“Shut the fuck up, Jeff.”

Even if Jeff and Dean don’t get the ‘fun’s over’ memo, Curly does, keeping his head down as Jordan scowls.

Dean is already setting up his next punchline but Curly is quick to speak over him, says, “whatever, doesn’t matter anyway as long as he’s gone now, ‘cause I could do with somewhere to kip tonight, as it happens.” He gives J an expectant look. “Jules is inviting this prick -Blake- ‘round. Can’t stand him.”

“I guess I could make up some space, just for a night.” He winks, and Curly loves that they have this little secret that they’re keeping just for the fun of it. Still, though, he feels restless now, dissatisfied with a lack of... Shit, something. “Better not leave my place looking like yours, though.”

“Quit being so cold, J,” Dean says because he doesn’t look up to see Jordan smiling.

Neither of them bothers to correct him, all getting distracted by or from the game. Jordan reaches out to split the deck again but when the group gets distracted by a new conversation, Curly abandons his new hand in favour of laying back on the carpet, all overwhelmed and warm and… Overwhelmed and warm.

Rhys really was something else. He remembers trying to give himself a reason to dislike the bloke. It’s not nice, feeling so in-the-dark where Jordan is concerned, especially when their ‘relationship’ so far has been in their own little, secret bubble. He wonders how long Jordan and Rhys were a secret for, or if they shouted it from the rooftops from the start.

Maybe they weren’t in a proper relationship at all, he thinks, maybe Rhys really was just some bloke that overstayed his— Curly knows he’s being naive, though. Not that he has any good reason to be. Just because he doesn’t have any relationship history, doesn’t mean nobody else does - especially not someone like J.

It feels so out of character for him; jealousy.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Jordan says an hour later, back in Curly’s car as he drives back to J’s apartment where his belongings for the night are already tucked away in the man’s room and have been all along. “About Rhys.”

Curls had said he was tired. Jordan probably thought the withdrawals were giving him a rough time and Jeff and Dean probably thought it was the opposite. Probably thought he’d snuck a hit after taking a piss. His brain was similarly foggy but he was simply distracted by…

“Rhys?” Curly frowns, eyes on the road. “I aren’t thinking anything about him,” he lies and shrugs. As if he’d admit to being jealous of Jordan’s ex this early on in their non-relationship.

“Oh.” A fake-cough. “Right.”

It’s the first time he’s really felt immature around Jordan. Their relationship so far has been innocent and clean, but even after asking the man not to kiss him, and squirming when his hands wandered and feeling his neck go hot when conversations got explicit, he’s never felt ashamed by his immaturity. Feeling jealous over his boy-who-isn’t-technically-his-boy is embarrassing. Juvenile.

“Do you feel threatened by him?”

Jordan’s either lapping this up or genuinely doesn’t know when he’s being blunt and insensitive and a bit of a prick. He’s frowning when Curly darts his head to look his way though, so he guesses the latter. He should have known really, though; he doubts Jordan even knows how it feels to be embarrassed - or threatened in the first place, for that matter.

“No. Why would I?” He laughs, then pauses and it’s too quiet so he laughs again, shakes his head, tuts and lets out what he thinks sounds like an amused sigh. Funny funny funny. Why would he?

“You’re distant and making things weird.”

“You’re making things weird.” ‘Yeah, nice one,’ he thinks, ‘that’ll make me seem more mature.’ He huffs his defeat, shoulders slumping as he forces himself to look his way again. “I don’t need any reassurance if that’s what’s happening.”

“Right, got it. You don’t need reassurance.” Jordan just shrugs and sits back, pulling his feet up onto the dashboard and Curly lets out a mental sigh of relief. “But if you did-“ For fuck’s sake. “-I’d say that he was way too infatuated with Shakespeare and talked too much.”

He hums.

“And he’d smother you in fake kindness to make himself feel good.”

Another hum.

“And he had tiny nipples, Curls,” Jordan so diligently adds.

“Alright, I—“

"Like, tiny.”

Curly swears he manages to cover his laugh. “Yep, got it. Cheers, mate.”

“Not your mate.”

“Oh,” he huffs a laugh. “If you're not my mate, then what are you then?”

The right indicator is the only thing filling the silence as they stop at a light, ticking rhythmically as they wait, Curly’s eyes on the road and Jordan’s on him. They’re both still smiling, but Curls furrows his brows to hide it.

Say it.

“My boyfriend, I hope.”

The sodding smile rips its way through his frown and his cover is obliterated as he asks, “you hope?”

“Yeah, I fuckin’ hope. You think I’ve been jacking off in secret and eating your hair in my sleep for fun? No, moron. I like you.”

The road before and behind them is empty. The light is green now but he doesn’t move.

“J, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Fuck. You.”

[winterisakiller]

Realization

One Shot: Last Minutes and Lost Evenings 2/16

Character/Relationship: Tom Hiddleston/ Rosemary Mathews (OFC)

Genre: Romance/Angst

Summary: Love was never supposed to be part of the equation.

Rating: PG

Warnings/Authors Notes: This is the second part of Last Minutes and Lost Evenings, this series is currently on-going and will flit back and forth between past, present and future.

Previous

For the first time in far too long, Tom felt as though he could breathe.

 The past few months had been nonstop motion. He seemed to fly from promotion to promotion. An interview here, a photoshoot there, pre-production meetings, it never seemed to end. He had smiled and flirted and been the Tom Hiddleston everyone expected of him. It was draining. He had felt himself slowly dwindling down, his temper flaring far more often and far hotter than situation allowed. He was tired. Not just physically, though god knows he could feel the weariness straight to the bone, but emotionally as well. Exhausted and weary and frighteningly near the end of his tether.

 But here, now, he felt at peace. It amazed him still, the comfort her small apartment brought him. Or well, if he were being completely honest, that she brought him. Everything was simpler, easier. He could just be and dear god it was wonderful. It was his own personal heaven and he would guard it fiercely.

 The apartment was quiet. He could hear the soft patter of Rosemary in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets; the soft chink of a spoon against the sides of a mug. Tea, he realized, lovely. It brought a smile to his face, these simple things she did for him. The quiet, warm affection she bore him.

 His smile widened as she appeared in the doorway, a steaming mug in each hand. He took his, offering her a small nod in thanks. A warm smile spread across her features, answering his own. “Sleep well?”

 “Yes,” he nodded, pushing his admitted shaggy hair back from his forehead, “Very much so,” His voice was still scratchy with sleep. He waved his hand, beckoning her to join him. Her smile grew as she climbed onto the bed, settling comfortably against him.

 She felt wonderful pressed against his side, her head resting against his bare shoulder. He kissed the top of her head, rubbing his free hand quickly up and down her arm. He’d always found any excuse to touch her, to hold her. She always seemed to fit so perfectly against him. They had passed countless hours in just such a manner; huddled together in her bed, on her couch, in her minuscule kitchen. They had talked about everything and nothing. It was comfortable. Just to be simply Tom and Rosie. No commitments, no demands.

 He cherished these stolen moments. He had done so for the nearly year and a half that they’d been doing this. She was a safe harbor.

 His eyes landed on the digital clock sitting on her bed stand. It was fast approaching late morning and he knew she would have to leave him, if only for a few hours. Usually their time together was just theirs, neither letting their real lives encroach for as long as possible. But his arrival had been unannounced. He’d found himself free and in desperate need of her so he’d come, knowing full well she very likely had commitments that she could not shirk. He was being utterly selfish.

 “When do you have to be off?” He tried to keep his tone as neutral as he could.

 “I don’t,” She smirked, snuggling tighter against him. “Perks of being your own boss. Jules is running things today. So it looks like you’re stuck with me for the time being, mister.”

 He grinned, delight etched across his features. “Wonderful.”

 I love her. The thought flitted  across his mind so swiftly he wasn’t quite sure he understood it at the time. Rosie was wonderful; simple and elegant, warm and open. She had become something so vital in his life, it was impossible for him not to care for her. But love? It was ridiculous. He couldn’t love her. But I do. God help me I do.

 What he didn’t know was just what he could, or honestly should, do about it. He was well and truly fucked.

 “You alright there?” Her voice snapped Tom back to himself.

 It took him several moments to gain hold of his voice. “Yes. Sorry, my mind went on walkabout for a moment there.” He took what he hoped wasn’t a shaky breath, pushing his startling revelation aside. He would think on it later, because venturing down that rabbit hole could only lead to disaster. Better simply to let it be.

 He placed another kiss to the top of her head. Just let it be, Hiddleston. Just let it be.

  ~*~*~

  He really was absolutely stunning. Rosemary could easily spend all day just watching him do the most mundane of tasks, truth be told she often did in the sixth months that they had been doing this. He had an unassuming grace about him that effortlessly drew you in. He was currently working through an impressive pile of laundry. He’d come straight to hers from the airport, something that happened more often than not lately, his large and rather beaten lone suitcase in tow. How he managed to cram so much into one case she couldn’t fathom; even if it consisted of several of the same jumpers and dark jeans with a handful of t-shirts and dress clothes for variety.

 She smiled at the way his forehead wrinkled, his mouth upturned, as he focused on sorting through each article and loading them painstakingly in her tiny washing machine. Why he didn’t use his own, she’d never understand. She knew better than to offer help, she’d tried the first time he’d descended on her and he’d outright refused. “I’m already invading your life, the last thing I want, darling, is to ask you to do my washing.” She had protested this, but Tom had stood firm. Whatever they were, and she never dared ask him to provide a label, she was neither his laundress nor his mother. Stubborn bastard.

 “When you sit there staring at me like that, I can’t help feel a bit like a performing monkey.” He announced, his voice warm with humor, his attention never wavering from the pile of clothing before him.

 “I thought you liked putting on a show?” she teased.

 His eyes flicked to her then, a knowing smirk crossing his features. “If this is your idea of a show, Rosie my dear, you most certainly need to get out more.” She felt the familiar flutter in her stomach when he called her Rosie. He was one of the few who did. She lived her life as Rosemary, occasionally Rose to an older acquaintance. She was Rosie only to her family, and now to him. It was silly, really, that something so simple could mean so much. It made her feel special. Cherished. She mattered enough for him to give her a pet name. God, she was ridiculous.

 “Well I wouldn’t say it’s the most entertaining show I’ve ever seen. It could use a bit more skin for my taste…” She quirked an eyebrow, returning his smirk.

 Tom sighed, turning his attention fully to her. “You only want me for my body.” His eyes were wide, plaintive and forlorn. “And here I thought you actually cared.”

 She groaned internally. Fuck this man and his fucking expressive face! God, he must have been an absolute terror as a child. “You really don’t understand the concept of playing fair, do you Hiddleston?”

 “Why ever would I do that?” His face transformed once again into a bright smile. “It’s far too much fun this way.”

 “You’re a jerk,” she retorted, unable to mask her own smile.

 He laughed heartily, his attention turning back to the clothing piled before him. “And yet you love me anyway.”

 Rosemary nearly started at the statement. It had been a throwaway line, she was quite sure he hadn’t even realized what he’d said, but she knew in that moment that it was true. She loved him. She had to fight to keep herself from laughing aloud at the thought. Jesus, she loved him. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once.

 Of course she loved him, how could she not? He was a good man. Stubborn to a fault, yes, and guarded at the best of times, but a good man. He was kind and patient and he cared. She knew that, it was clear in every action, every touch, but she was no fool. Caring for someone and loving them were two vastly different things. And while she was assured in her own feelings, how she could ever not have realized how deeply she cared seemed utterly absurd, his were less certain. He cared for her, he was fond of her, that she knew without a doubt. He seemed content in their arrangement, though, in their careful construct of sex and companionship, in the ability to hide himself away in their tiny, little world. There were no commitments, no complications, no demands. And given the life she knew he led, the fluidity of their arrangement had to hold a strong appeal.

 This revelation would throw a wrench in that, she was well aware. Feelings weren’t ever a concrete part of this. She was an escape, pure and simple, she knew that. Accepted it. Putting a voice to to her newly realized emotional state could well drive him off. Not that she believed Tom would be so callous. No. But he could, probably would pull away. And somehow that seemed worse. And even if he didn’t push her away, if he loved her in return, what would that honestly mean for them?

 She shook herself from her thoughts. There was no sense in fretting now. Not while he was here. There would be plenty time after to figure things out. To make sense of it all. He was here now and that was what she needed to focus on. Tom, it seemed, hadn’t even noticed her inattention and for that she was grateful. She swallowed and forced herself back into the present. He was with her now and she would make the best of that. There would be time later to dwell on just what she was going to do.

Next

[dcarevu]

DCAU #16: The Cat and the Claw (Part 1)

“Never trifle with the affections of a woman!”

15 episodes into Batman The Animated Series and, hey, we’ve finally arrived at the first episode! Isn’t that something! Yeah, I’ve stated a few times that this show was aired in a very different order than how it was produced. Some people like one way vs the other, although I’m a production-order guy myself, but I’m not gonna pretend like this doesn’t make a decent first episode. It has a pilot quality to it, and the way the episodes sounds in particular make it seem like it would come before episodes like Heart Of Ice. But whichever way you prefer to watch the show, let’s agree on one thing: airing part 2 seven episodes later was not the best way to watch the show. For anyone that’s curious, though, this was done because the way weekend airings vs weekday airings worked. Part 1 was shown on a weekend, so part 2 was shown the weekend after.

Episode: 15 Robin: No Writers: Sean Catherine Derek (story), Laren Bright (story), Jules Dennis (teleplay), Richard Mueller (teleplay) Director: Kevin Altieri Animator: Sunrise Airdate: September 5, 1992 Grade: B

Saying that this episode has a pilot-quality to it isn’t exactly a compliment, as in some ways it feels like we’ve again taken a few steps back here. This episode sits right at home with On Leather Wings, Nothing to Fear, and even The Underdwellers. It’s not bad, but the footing just isn’t there, and the vibes are very similar to those three. Looking at the credits only backs up this observation. Some of the lower-tier episodes we’ve seen have come from these writers. I think that so far this is one of the better ones they’ve worked on, but it didn’t blow me away or anything. Sunrise handled the animation, and it worked for the most part in Pretty Poison. Here, though, there were some weird things. There is a shot of Catwoman climbing up a building that looks pretty damn awful. It’s quick, and most may not notice it, but I didn’t have much choice in the matter because someone working for Warner (probably an intern or something) chose this shot for the DVD menu on disc 3. What the hell? You turn on the DVD and you get this awkward, misshaped Catwoman that gets worse the longer you stare. Like god, it’s ugly, guys. And Catwoman is an attractive character! I can only imagine that they were pressed for time or something. I’m mostly just bringing this shot up because I find it funny, but there were some other things too that stuck out like sore thumbs. This included some weird facial expressions (like the goon at the end or the dude constantly gritting his teeth like an old Looney Tunes antagonist), some overall messier work, and the lighting was all over the place. A lot of shots just seemed a little bit too bright for the show. It’s not all unsightly, though. Sunrise have a weird, weird style, guys. There are some scenes that I think I like the looks of, much like some moments in Pretty Poison, but really nothing I was blown away by. I hear Akom did part 2, so I am actually genuinely excited to compare them. I’ve been okay with Akom so far.

So this sounds like a recipe for disaster so far, I know. But the episode is generally enjoyable, despite. I have no idea how they pulled it off either. Where the visuals fail, the magnificent, ballet-esque score picks up the slack. While the lines don’t always stick with me, they don’t downright flop, and the characters are great. Catwoman really impressed Char (who, once again, is a newcomer to the DCAU), and like some other rogues, I don’t know if she was necessarily expecting much beyond a typical villainess dressed in a distinguishable suit. In fact, I wouldn’t necessarily label Catwoman the villain at all. Yeah, she shows that she has a robbing hobby at the beginning, and I’m not gonna defend that, but she spends the rest of the time attempting to get her way with the animal preserve and genuinely showing that in some ways she’s pointed in the right direction. I’ll talk more about her character, along with Batman’s, in a bit, however. But before diving into some of the more social/psychological aspects, I wanted to note how fun the beginning of this one was too. It was a unique start for the series, and watching these two run around on the night rooftops is fascinating to watch. I was almost sad when it ended. Especially since a lot of the other action in this one was a lot more par for the course. When we cut to a police chase going on, I internally groaned just a little bit. I feel like that is one of the most common things to happen on this show, and there was no real twist on it. Things are calm and casual, then out of nowhere some guys with machine guns are being tailed by the police. Maybe I’m imagining things, but I think it’s getting a little bit stale. Oh, also, just as an observation, I felt like everyone was whispering throughout this one. Catwoman, Batman, and Red Claw all said their lines in such a soft manner, and while inside some of the buildings made sense, I’m surprised they didn’t have a tough time hearing each other on the rooftops at times. That’s what I mean when I say this one sounds like an early one. Anyone else feel me on this? Like, did the actors have to be quiet because another show was being voiced or something? That’s a joke, by the way.

A big plus was getting to dive into our main characters. Batman and Selena’s chemistry is fairly natural, despite them not sharing too-too many lines with each other, at least in costume. Yet it just works. Batman is a man of few words sometimes. I don’t think his ways of communication and relation necessarily rely on English. You get a sense of chemistry from watching them soar among the turbines, free fall toward the street, and basically try to keep ahead of each other in an almost playful way. We even see Batman crack a smile as he talks to his new, curious friend, and it’s not even weird to see. Add in that downright beautiful score, along with them mixing as their civilian selves, unbeknownst to them, and it starts to become a shame that you know that in their current ways, they’re not gonna work. It’s as both of them worked together to say; there is something in between them, that thing being the law. Parts of me reluctantly want Batman to just give in, but admittedly, that would be rather hypocritical of him. Ha. Yeah. Imagine how that relationship would go. “Hey, honey, have fun hitting the Smiths’ house tonight! I’m off to stop a robbery!” Would make for a decent parody, though, for sure.

Even without Batman, though, Catwoman is an interesting character. I love how strong and dedicated she is. She knows what she wants, and she’s not gonna back down until she obtains it. She goes a little too far with taking things into her own hands because, well, she’s literally taking things that don’t belong to her into her own hands, but you get the feeling that she works her ass off with her conservation efforts and doesn’t take shit. This is another factor that makes her relationship with Bruce so interesting. She first flat out tells him that she’s not interested in dating him. He politely asks her if they can just try it out once, she agrees, but she actually ends up cancelling to do something that she sees as more important. She’s not about to feel bad about it either, and why should she? You get the feeling that in some ways she is equal to Bruce, and if she were a lot weaker than him, then their midnight meet ups wouldn’t be nearly as interesting. By the way, a cartoon show displaying a strong, independent woman acting like a hero, but also performing cat burglary? Some parts of me are surprised that at the time this was let through. She is clearly someone to admire in some aspects, but not necessarily in others, which is kind of a complex, abstract idea for kids.

Of course, you wanna talk about strong women, we can’t leave out Red Claw, the terrorist leader. Now this lady, she is not someone I’d ever wanna mess with. She looks like she could pound me into a pancake with one whack. Char was not a fan of her design at all. When she walked into the screen, I heard her go, “That design is shit.” It didn’t strike me nearly that hard, and while I don’t find her to be awesome-looking, her design never really bothered me. Char mentioned it being the way she was proportioned. I did think that she looked a little bit…hm…maybe hefty is the word? But I sorta dig that choice. It adds to her intimidation-factor. She looks like she’d be a challenge for even Batman to square up with (even though this is likely not the case if we’re talking strictly hand-to-hand combat). But maybe the strong reaction to her design was simply Char finding the model off-putting, and maybe Akom can amend this next time. We shall see! I’m also hoping that she’s not wasted potential. I get that most of the emotional depth should be focused on Batman and Selena, that’s obvious. But I at least want to avoid Red Claw being obvious stock. We have a whole extra near-half hour to use, so let’s hope the writers learned from their light mistakes in previous episodes and deliver a thrilling conclusion. Char really loved this episode (she liked it a lot more than I did), and was very interested at what was going on basically the whole way through, plus I think Catwoman is going to be a new favorite of hers. Don’t want it to let her down! Even if this one is an episode that I don’t consider amazing, it brings me a lot of joy to see it getting so much mileage with someone else. This is part of the reason I’m doing these blogs, people, and I hope that many more of you in the future will end up following along and coming to your own opinions that you can compare and contrast with mine. It’s no fun if everyone feels the same way and makes the same observations, right?

Oh, we both agreed that this one had one of the best title cards so far, by the way. And after the episode is finished, you go from thinking it’s a Catwoman reference, to realizing that it almost seems to be referring more toward Red Claw with that scratch mark!

Char’s grade: A

Next time: The Cat and the Claw (Part 2) Full episode list here!

[thekitsune]

A Very Oblivious Marinette Chapter 12

New chapter! Very Juleka (Julenette) focused in this one! Also the whole beach art thing is still going on. If you don’t know what I’m talking about I explained in the last chapter if you want to check it out ^^

Juleka sighed to herself while she sat under an umbrella. She had her arms wrapped tightly around her legs while she rested her head on her knees. Looking across the beach at Marinette and Kagami, she let out another sigh before looking off to the side with a small frown.

"Hey Jules, what's wrong?" Juleka looked over at Rose as she walked up to her. Glancing up at Rose, Juleka sighed again before looking back at Marinette. Rose followed her best friend's gaze and smiled slightly. "Are you jealous of Kagami? Well, I mean we all are, but are you especially jealous? I know how much you like her."

Juleka sighed once more before shaking her head. "I...I'm just...really jealous of Luka," Juleka whispered out which Rose just barely heard. Seeing how upset Juleka looked, she knew it was more than just a case of jealousy that her friend was feeling. Everyone who was aware of the friendship between Marinette and Luka was cautious when the two spent time together. Luka was even more dangerous than Adrien when it came to Marinette; because, he was aware of where he stood when it came to Marinette. Juleka had it worse though because she had to watch her own brother gain the affection of the girl she liked while her mother supported him.

"What happened?" Rose asked her friend while sitting down next to her. Juleka slowly fell sideways until her head rested on Rose's shoulder.

"My mom did all she could to try and get him to join us on the trip here, but he had to stay home so he could continue rehearsing with the band for an upcoming event," Juleka simply stated which caused Rose to stare at her for a second before tilting her head slightly in confusion. Nothing seemed wrong about that. It seemed like what Juleka's mom usually does when it comes to Luka and Mari...oh.

"You know Juleka, I'm sure your mom would support your feelings for Marinette as much as she does Luka's," Rose told her friend who just let out a small 'hm' as she changed her gaze from Marinette to the ocean. Rose just shook her head. Juleka could be so hard headed sometimes. "Juleka. I know how shy you are. Heck it took you forever to tell me about your feelings for Marinette (even though you know I like her to), but that does not mean you should keep yourself from telling your mom. Luka knows you like her. The only one who doesn't is your mom."

Juleka brought her hands into her lap and remained silent as she thought about what Rose said.

"...I...I still think she wouldn't cheer for me as much as she does Luka..." Juleka quietly muttered causing Rose to sigh as she shrugged her shoulder to make Juleka sit up. Rearranging herself so that she'd be sitting on her knees, she looked Juleka in the eye.

"Juleka. Your mother loves you. And she supports you no matter what happens. The only reason she cheers Luka on as much as she does is because he doesn't keep his feelings hidden from her. I promise you, the moment she finds out you like Marinette to, you will be receiving as much support as Luka if not more," Rose explained while Juleka just curled back up.

Rose groaned before looking over at Marinette. It seems she's done with Kagami at the moment. Watching her head towards Alya and Lila, Rose knew she needed to act fast. "Juleka, you are going to cheer up," Rose simply said before standing up and calling Marinette's name at the top of her lungs shocking everyone.

Marinette turned around and spotted Rose. "Yes Rose?" Marinette asked her peppy friend. Rose motioned for Marinette to come over to her and Juleka, who was busy trying to hide her head inbetween her knees. Rose saw Lila and Alya glare in her direction so she subtly brought her hand up to motion to them that she'll explain in a moment.

Lightly skipping over to the best friends, Marinette smiled at Rose who blushed lightly at her crush's smile. The sunlight bouncing off Marinette really did make her look beautiful... 'Snap out of it!' Rose thought as she mentally slapped herself back to attention.

"Did you need me for something? I was about to hang out with Alya and Lila," Marinette questioned Rose who chuckled nervously at the glares the two girls sent her way over Marinette's shoulder.

"Juleka isn't...feeling well. I was wondering if you could cheer her up. I can't seem to do it, but I know how good you are at cheering people up! I know you were going to spend time with your friends, but I'm really worried about Juleka," Rose told Marinette while making sure to keep what was wrong with Juleka out of the conversation. Marinette gasped before quickly shooting down next to Juleka's side and wrapping her arms tightly around the quiet girl which caused her to let out a silent 'eep!'

"Juleka! Are you alright?! You can tell me!" Marinette questioned the girl who looked down shyly as her face began to heat up. Rose smiled slightly before walking away from the two. Looking over and seeing the still furious Alya and Lila, she changed course to go explain to them what was happening. --- Juleka was blushing brightly as she felt a still wet Marinette hugging her tightly. She never expected this to happen after telling Rose why she was upset. Then again, her friend loved putting her in awkward situations... Should she be upset with Rose?

"Juleka, please tell me what's wrong. I don't like it when you're upset," Juleka heard Marinette say which only made the blush worse. She knew Marinette meant that she hated seeing her friends upset, but still there was a part of her that wished she meant what she said in another way.

"I...I'm scared to tell my mother something," Juleka quietly explained to Marinette. Marinette's head tilted to the side with a look of confusion. Juleka had to keep her face hidden thanks to her blush widening.

"But why? I tell my maman everything because I know she will always support me or help me if I'm in trouble. Why are you scared?" Marinette asked Juleka who let out a sigh.

"...Because...Luka likes the same thing I do...and she heavily supports him liking this...item. I'm scared...that if she learns that I like it to, she will not support me as much as she does him..." Juleka trailed off as she changed her gaze to the sand.

Marinette looked at her with concern. She knew that Juleka had trouble dealing with her problems at times. She was really happy that they weren't in Paris at the moment or Juleka could have been re-akumatized. Sighing, she brought her hand up and began rubbing Juleka's back in a soothing fashion to try and comfort her.

"Juleka. While I don't know exactly what you and Luka like, I know how much your mom loves you. She does not love Luka more than you and if she found out that both of you liked the same thing, whatever it is, I am sure she would support the both of you equally. I know my parents would and your mom is a lot like my maman when it comes to how much she cares about her kids. So if it is really hurting you this much to keep it a secret, then you need to tell her. I promise things will get better if you do," Marinette explained as she pulled Juleka into a hug while continuing to rub her back.

Juleka felt tears begin to form in her eyes, but she quickly rubbed them before hugging Marinette back. Rose and Marinette were right. Her mom would never support Luka over her in something this important. Feeling a small smile form on her lips, Juleka looked at Marinette before letting a small blush form on her cheeks.

Before Marinette could say anything, Juleka had leaned in and kissed her cheek as swift as lightning. Staring back at Juleka with a shocked look, she saw Juleka looking away in embarrassment. It took only a few seconds before a small blush popped up on Marinette's face as she smiled back at her friend. "Hehe! You're welcome Juleka!" Marinette happily chirped out.

Juleka nodded her head shyly before feeling Marinette take her hand. Looking at Marinette, she saw her smiling back.

"If you don't mind Juleka, I really need to apply sun tan lotion to my back, but I can't really reach it that well. I was going to ask Alya or Lila for help, but since I'm here, do you mind helping?" Marinette innocently asked Juleka who froze on the spot as her face continued to brighten. Marinette looked at her in confusion before giggling and taking Juleka's hand as she dragged her over to Marinette's towel. Juleka could be so shy at times!

Juleka just continued to stare straight forward while only faintly listening to Marinette compliment her lilac one piece swimsuit.

'I'm not ready for this...' Juleka thought as her mind began to go blank while her body continued to follow Marinette.

Off to the side, Alya and Lila were biting their towels as hard as possible while veins kept throbbing in their foreheads. Rose's eyebrow was twitching slightly, but she kept a smile on her face. "Just remember girls, this is to help Juleka. I'm sure you can apply Marinette's lotion tomorrow," Rose told the two who just angrily nodded their heads as they watched Marinette hand the bottle to Juleka who just numbly took it.

Juleka is in the lead today! But the day isn't over yet!

[itallcomesdown]

TGI Tuesday

Something intensely un-good was happening to Yvonne.

She was missing calls. Daydreaming. Humming and smiling to herself.

These were not normal.

Yvonne didn't notice the change at first but, looking back, she knew when it started.

It had started four days prior, on a Tuesday. Worst day of the week because you haven't braced for it like Monday, it's pre-the-work-week-hump and it always feels like there's three years before lunch but then 6 second until EOD.

Anyway, it's a Tuesday. Yvonne is wearing Tuesday-ish clothes. Nothing fancy. A little bookish, a little muted. No meetings, no lunches, no plans.

Just a fucking Tuesday.

Except not just a fucking Tuesday because that was the day she walks in. Like a warm breeze in autumn, full of non-specific nostalgia and hope for a little more good weather.

Damn. That kind of flowery bullshit was also not normal. This was clearly getting worse...

She walks in like it was nothing. Like she was not heartbreak waiting to happen. she walks in, right, and just smiles.

Who does that? Who smiles like that? Like- Stop. Yvonne put a heavy lid on that little line of evocative imagery.

So, she smiles. But not at her. She was smiling at Yvonne's colleague, Adam.

Adam was a perfectly nice guy but Yvonne spent as little time with him as she could. It wasn’t personal, it was just better if she kept her coworkers at arms length. Life is too short to spend it doing drinks with Lisa from accounts. Again, nothing personal.

The smiling spreads ripples around the office. Everyone was hot and bored so this new energy was invigorating. The urge to smile infects some but mostly it sparks whispers.

Yvonne's desk mates gossiped around her. They'd grown too weary of her polite brevity to try to include her but this time her ears tuned in.

From hushed snippets, she pieced together that this was some kind of relative of Adam's, staying with him for a few days. Apparently Adam had been lobbying for time off to play host to this highly favoured relative but it fell through. When talk shifted to whoever's early labour torpedoed Adam's plan, Yvonne switched off again. She hadn't even realised anyone was pregnant and obviously she was too late to invest in that story line.

Adam's whole body lit up at the sight of his family member standing near the entrance of the open plan office. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to describe their movements towards each other as "bounding", not unlike littermates reunited after a long separation. But surely these two had seen each other that morning?

Yvonne picked up her mug, along with the pretense of nonchalance, and walked over to the small crowd that had formed around her colleague and his new visitor. She didn't want to get too close, she just wanted to bask in the warmth of her- Nope. She rapped her fingers against the plan white cup, trying to drown out her softer self.

Lost in her attempts to regulate her emotions, Yvonne didn't notice that she was in the middle of a plan being hatched. The relative had come to pick Adam up for lunch and extended the invitation to any willing party in the office. It'd be a short walk to a street food market then a leisurely stroll through a park on their way back.

A tap on her shoulder nudged Yvonne out of her daze.

Was she coming?

To?

Before she heard the answer, that smile caught her eye. This time, it's full brilliance was directed at her.

She nodded without internalising what she was agreeing to. It didn't matter. She would walk a thousand miles for that smile. Fuck.

The pack scattered and regrouped in the time it took Yvonne to remember that she needed to put her mug back. She got swept up in the mass exodus before she made it to her desk. Someone took her cup out of her hand and spirited it away as they hustled her out of the office. It was an ambitious trip, they had to make good time on the first leg or they'd have to rush back.

The cheery horde funneled down the stairs and out the door into the open air, chatting amongst themselves and around Yvonne. She was not a regular fixture at non-mandatory work social events so she fell through the cracks as friendship groups found each other. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing. She could spend the time thinking about what to do with the meal she'd brought from home that was sitting in the communal fridge.

Arms folded and shoulders tight, she ran through her options in her mind. Would it keep til the next day? Should she take it home and eat it? Maybe if she just bought a drink at this food market, she could eat her lunch at her desk while finishing her reports...?

One of the splinter groups slowed to let Yvonne catch up and the apparent leader struck up a conversation. Had she ever been to the market before? Did she have any food allergies? Was there something she was hoping to find?

Yvonne sense the group wanted more than her three short no's so she added a little colour. She was a fan of spicy food and had once gone to a food festival which featured competitive eating. She had, on the spur of the moment, decided to try her hand but came 3rd from last out of ten.

The group seemed more impressed than she expected! They all congratulated her on trying, each insisting they would have passed out if given anything hotter than supermarket sweet chili sauce. Yvonne felt her own smile tugging at her lips but she didn't let herself feel it.

Getting to the market took less time than expected and Yvonne had been too busy small talking to finish meal planning. It didn't matter though because she never would have envisioned the array of options. It was almost overwhelming and made worse by the heat of the sun which seemed to linger at its peak long after noon.

Someone from the splinter group fell into step with Yvonne and began chatting energetically about a particular stalls which specialised in gluten free fried chicken. The sauces were apparently to die for but this person had avoid one of the options because it had a five chili rating. May Yvonne would like to give that one a go?

Yvonne didn't know how to say no to this new, earnest friend. They'd listened to her, thought about what she would like and then came forward with an idea for her. She'd have to eat her packed lunch for dinner and muscle through these wings to avoid awkwardness but honestly, Yvonne wasn't mad at it.

The wing stall was a little deeper into the market than the stalls most of the group had picked. Yvonne followed closely behind her workmate. Bobbing as they bobbed and weaving as they weaved. It was only a few moments but something about the synchronised movements felt fun, though Yvonne couldn't put her finger on the memory that was causing it.

Before she could fully assess, Yvonne bumped into her colleague who had abruptly stopped to greet someone. Actually, two people. Adam and his relative were a metre away and beaming. Yvonne felt sick.

She was completely caught off guard. All these new feelings and interactions had pushed the original purpose of this excursion out of her mind. Now, faced with the object of her curiousity and with hardly any buffer between them, Yvonne was beginning to regret her decision to leave the safety of her desk.

Adam spear headed the unification of the two pairs into one, hungry super-group. They were both looking for the wing stall and his relative, a cousin, was keen to try the hottest sauce available. What a wonderful coincidence! Obviously this merger had been pre-ordained. They would search as a unit. Eight eyes were better than four.

Yvonne's arms crossed themselves over her chest. She hadn't even noticed them relaxing down to her side but the tension was back. Adam was keen to introduce her to Jules who was keen to say her name over and over as part of a memory trick. Six to make it stick...s. Everyone chuckled.

Ali, Adam, Jules and Yvonne. From 13, to 2, to 4, but still no food. Time was ticking away.

Ali took charge of the expedition in peak Ali-fashion, or at least what appeared to be a pretty consistent pattern of behaviour over the 20 minutes Yvonne had observed. Being the only two who had ever see the intended destination, Adam and Ali paired up to lead the pack. It was a second or two before Yvonne realised what that meant.

If you've ever seen a dog chase a car and then have no idea what to do when the car stopped, Yvonne was the dog. Feeling infinitely foolish and clinically awkward, she wordlessly fell into step with the reason she was out in the sun, hunting an elusive chicken wing vendor on a Tuesday afternoon.

Jules seemed content to maintain the silence but with far less observable angst. Yvonne pondered the causal relationship between hotness and being able to withstand heat because, while she was painfully aware of the sweat under her rather flimsy blouse, Jules seemed icy cool in an uncomfortably thick hoodie. While Yvonne's hair clung to the moisture from her scalp, Jules' shoulder length locks seemed completely unaffected.

Yvonne realised that Jules had noticed her stares later than she should have. There was that fucking smile again. If her cheeks could glow red, they would. They talked. It was nice. Jules was staying with Adam until paperwork for a rental was approved. Adam had a spare room and loved having guests, it gave him an excuse to do tourist shit. He had a surprising fondness for kitsch.

Jules had the kind of voice you wanted to listen to and a laugh you wanted to share and hair you wanted to run your fingers through and lips- You get the picture. Jules drew you in then made you feel like you were meant to be there.

They walked and talked and smiled and laughed and bumped into each other as they maneuvered through the crowd. Yvonne's heart didn't know whether to race or jump for joy so instead it just pumped hard enough for her to feel it in her earlobes. If only the hour could last forever.

That wistful thought snapped Yvonne back to reality. She stopped. Where were Ali and Adam? Where was the rest of the group? What was the time?

Gone, gone and too late to keep hunting for the stall. She would have to walk pretty briskly to make it back on time. Jules quickly understood her wordless panic and grasped her upper arm to reassure her and then grabbed her hand, leading the way.

Half walking half running, they made it back to the main doors with enough time for Yvonne to catch her breath. More laughter. They could both do with paying more attention to their cardio.

Maybe they could be workout buddies?

Yvonne grinned, nodding enthusiastically as she breathed deeply. She had a couch to 5k app on her phone that she had never opened. Jules asked to see it so she obliged.

As she handed over the unlocked device, Yvonne noticed a familiar face in the distance. It was Adam and Ali, each carrying a pair of boxes and mildly confused expressions. They'd forged ahead but didn't notice the separation until they had reached their destination. Once there, Ali ordered while Adam called Jules. The minutes ticked away so eventually they decided to head back to home base.

Yvonne sincerely apologised for wasting their time and reached for her phone, intending to pay them back on the spot for the food, but Jules pulled it just out of her grasp.

"It was my fault, I owe all of you so I'll get you back for today and then I'll take you all out for lunch again this week?"

She was about to protest but then Yvonne noticed something pass between the cousins. Ali opened his mouth to respond but Adam spoke over him. It was fine, he and Ali had managed to eat as they walked so Jules shouldn't worry about them.

"I guess that leaves just me and you."

They'd been texting and calling everyday since then. It was sickening. The make-up lunch got pushed into the weekend then became a dinner then a dinner before a small comedy show. A full on date but without the word.

In the time between that Tuesday afternoon and the Saturday evening Yvonne had planned 6 different outfits, two comprising of clothes she panic bought on Thursday. One included a heeled boot that she had to fish out from under her bed. None of them fit like she wanted them to.

By the time Jules was 20 minutes away, Yvonne had pulled together a 7th option that she convinced herself would do. They had met on a Tuesday where Yvonne had dressed like a Tuesday so all she had to do was look a little better but not so drastically different that she looked like she was trying too hard.

The Final Outfit gave solid Thursday afternoon vibes.

Nothing fancy. A little fun, a little playful. Some sparkle, some flair, some skin.

[queenofcats17]

Aftermath

So, this week’s episode wrecked me. Now, I basically want to wreck some feelings. 

Taako:

He wakes up and there’s this awful emptiness in his chest. Something’s missing, but he doesn’t know what it is and it’s killing him. He looks around, unsure why he expects someone else to be there with him. He’s sitting in a stagecoach, decorated to resemble a kitchen. He knows he’s never been here before. Is this supposed to be his home? He leaves the coach and finds Sizzle It Up With Taako painted on the side. He’s Taako, he knows that much. But what is he doing here? The last thing he remembers....He shakes his head, finding only static instead of anything useful. He pulls on the brim of his hat irritably. This is getting him nowhere.

“Excuse me?” He turns to see a man approaching. Tall and broad, he appears to be half-orc. Despite his size, the man is timid, almost drawing in on himself as he moves closer to Taako.

“Yeah?”

“Are you Taako?”

“What’s it to ya, my man?”

“My name’s Sazed.” The man sticks his hand out. “I was told you were offering a job.” Taako shrugs slightly. If this stagecoach truly is his, then he must have some sort of cooking show. Oh well, he could use a driver.

Those days he spends doing Sizzle It Up are some of the best days of his life. He loves hearing the crowds cheer for him. He loves being loved. But no matter how much fame he achieves, no matter how many fans he has, that feeling of emptiness never goes away. He constantly wakes up expecting to find someone other than Sazed laying beside him. When he cooks, he feels as though there should be someone beside him, cooking with him. He tried letting Sazed cook with him, but it’s not the same. It makes the feeling even worse, so he never lets Sazed do it again. This leads to Glamour Springs, although Taako doesn’t know at the time that it was Sazed who killed those people. When he runs, the deaths weigh heavy on his mind, joining the aching in his chest. Then he meets Magnus and Merle, and it’s like coming home. The ache in his chest lessens around them. Even though he won’t ever admit it, they mean more to him than he could ever say. He’s scared of losing them once he has them. He doesn’t want to go back to the way he felt before. When he sees the umbrella in the cave, held in the grasp of the skeletal figure in the crimson robe, he feels something different. He doesn’t know why, but when he sees the robe and the umbrella he feels....Well, it’s not quite sad, but not quite happy either. Having the umbrella with him makes him feel safe in a way he can’t explain. But seeing that figure....He feels more upset than he ever has before. So he puts it out of his mind, focusing only on his work and his friends. He meets Angus, Carey, Killian, Avi, Johan, Kravitz, Ren. He and his friends save the world time and time again. He lets himself be...happy. And then the Hunger finds them and he remembers again. He remembers all that he lost. He remembers Lup. Now he knows why seeing that skeleton made him so upset. That was his sister. His first response is to be angry, furious even, at Lucretia. She’d taken everything from him! But he doesn’t have time to dwell on what she’d done. Not now. The Hunger is upon them.

.

Magnus:

Magnus wakes up in a house he doesn’t recognize, with nothing but the clothes on his back and some sparse furniture. Something is wrong, he knows that, but he doesn’t know what it is. Without thinking, he gets up and goes to a workbench. He takes down a block of wood and a knife, his hands going to work without the need to think about it. Before he knows it, a shape has begun to emerge. He smiles softly. It’s a duck. He knows it means something to him, but when he tries to remember what it is, there’s only static. This frustrates him even more. He knows something happened before he woke up in this house. He knows someone he cares about did something that made him very upset. He still has that lingering feeling of disappointment and betrayal. But all he can remember static. He carves duck after duck until he finds himself calm again. The ducks make him feel better, even if he doesn’t know why. People start coming by a few hours later. A lot of them like his ducks, so he sells them. Soon enough he has orders coming in for things that aren’t ducks. He doesn’t know if he can do it in the beginning. He’s not sure he knows how to make anything other than ducks. But he manages. He likes woodcarving. It calms him down.

Eventually he gets invited to Hammer&Tongs, and that’s where he meets Julia. She’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and when he enters the shop she’s hefting a block of wood onto her shoulder to put on the worktable. The block is almost as big as her, but she lifts it easily. Magnus falls in love in that second. As he gets to know her, he falls even more in love. She’s a no nonsense kind of woman with a sharp tongue who knows how to run a business. And she’s planning a rebellion. When Magnus arrives in Raven’s Roost, Julia and her father are planning a rebellion against a man called Governor Kalen. Magnus finds himself swept up in the revolt, standing at Julia’s side. The two of them plan attacks, coordinate fighters, and in the end drive Kalen out of Raven’s Roost for good. They know he’ll be back, but driving him out is a victory for all of them. They rejoice with marriage. It’s one of the happiest days in Magnus’ life that he can remember. Julia picks him up and carries him down the aisle after they say their vows. Everyone in the town comes to their wedding, wanting to celebrate their heroes. Then he leaves for the showcase, and that’s the last time he ever sees her. He remembers the last words he said to her.

“I love you Jules.” He never forgets those words. It takes a long time for him to move on again, but he does. He devotes himself to helping people. He meets Taako, Merle, joins the Bureau. He kept his hope all this time, and being with them makes him feel as though his hope was justified. He can do even more good with the Bureau. But Refuge shakes his faith. He’s one of the red robes the Director warned them against. He gave the citizens the Temporal Chalice. His hope withers and dies, especially in Wonderland. He loses his youth, his body, his memory of the man who took his wife from him. But he remembers the red robed lich. He’s beginning to remember. Lucretia has been lying to them. Like Barry, Magnus is angry. As he splits the voidfish’s glass case and reclaims his body, he is angry. He drinks the ichor and remembers, and he is furious. The Hunger has arrived and he couldn’t stop it.

.

Merle:

Merle is happy for a long time. He meets Hecuba Roughridge and the two of them start a family. However, he quickly realizes that he and Hecuba aren’t right for each other. So...He walks away. He still pays child support payment, still visits his kids, but he doesn’t see Hecuba. He wanders a lot until he meets up with Taako and Magnus. He finds himself reminded of his kids when he’s with them, and he likes that. They’re nice kids. He enjoys being around them. The Bureau is something knew, but he takes it all in stride. He enjoys the company of Lucretia as well. She’s easy to talk to, very calm. She makes this ginko tea that helps with his memory when he’s had a bad day. There’s something familiar and calming about sitting with her and drinking tea. Then comes Wonderland. Wonderland is...Something different. It’s a test of his will. He’ll sacrifice his stamina, his eyes, but never his memories. He doesn’t know why, but the thought of losing his memories terrifies him. It’s only after Wonderland though that he starts to remember. They meet the lich and learn of the true nature of Barry Bluejeans. He learns Lucretia lied to them. She stole their memories. He remembers. Remembering hurts, because he realizes what Lucretia did to all of them, and he wishes he could have stopped it somehow. She shouldn’t have had to go through all this alone. She shouldn’t have tried to go it alone. But now he stands in the main hall, watching as the Hunger approaches. It’s time to have another talk with John.

.

Davenport:

He doesn’t remember who he is or where he came from. All he has is his name, and Lucretia. He can remember things he’s already learned, but his past eludes him. He tries not to let it bother him. After all, thinking about it too much just causes his brain to be overcome with static. It’s more trouble than it’s worth to dwell on the subject. He works diligently under Lucretia. He watches Reclaimers come and go, watches person after person pass through the doors of the Bureau. He listens to Johan play his harp. Then comes Wonderland, and everything changes. The Tres Horny Boys come back sans Magnus. Then Taako and Merle break into Lucretia’s office along with a man Davenport swears he knows. They give him something that looks like the ichor of the voidfish and suddenly, he remembers. The first thing he feels is disappointed. Why would Lucretia do this to them? Why would she try to do this all by herself? There’s no time for contemplation though. The Hunger is here.

.

Barry:

His body falls to the Earth and he floats out of it, surveying where he’s landed. He knows he has to find Lup, has to find some way to counteract whatever it is that Lucretia has done. He spends a long time looking for Lup, but no matter he goes, he can’t find her. He knows he can’t let that happen though. If he gives up, then he may never find her again. So he doesn’t give himself time to give up. He throws himself into finding a way to counteract Lucretia She’s put up a barrier to keep him out. It hurts, knowing she wants to keep him out so much. He remembers the days the two of them would hide away, their little human support group for everyone who wasn’t Magnus. He remembers both of them answering question after question from the nonhumans about whether things that Magnus did were Magnus things or human things. He had clung to that sense of camaraderie during their time on the ship. He watches the people who were once his friends as they go about their new lives, unaware of his presence. He watches them be taken to the Bureau, watches Lucretia draw them back into her fold. He knows she’s turning them against him. But still...he holds out hope that they’ll still listen. He sees the umbrella and knows Lup is with them. In Refuge, they tell him they don’t trust him. He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised. Taako doesn’t trust easily. Merle is old and tired. Magnus has forgotten the bond they had. It still hurts, seeing the looks in their eyes and knowing they don’t trust him. Wonderland comes and they finally begin to trust him. He looks out for them, opens their eyes to the truth. He gets his body back, drinks the ichor, and remembers. He’s angry, as he has been for a long time now. He wants to hate Lucretia, but no matter what he can’t hate her. So he holds on to his anger, even as the Hunger descends around them.

.

Lup:

She’s in Wave Echo Cave when she feels Lucretia’s plan begin to take hold. She knows exactly what Lucretia was doing the moment she felt the touch of the voidfish. And the worst part? She understands. She understands why Lucretia would try to shut them out like this. But Lup can’t forget. Not now. She has mere minutes in which to preserve her memory. So she settles down in a corner of the cave, and goes into her umbrella. Immediately she feels the faint tingling subside. Her memories are safe now, but she’s trapped. She’s alone in this cave, with energy to feed off of. She stays in the umbrella for years, growing weaker and weaker with each passing day. She sustains herself with her love for Taako, for Barry, for everyone else she’s spent the past century with. The days begin to blur together. She misses her brother, she misses her lover, she misses her friends. Sometimes she thinks she can hear their voices, and that makes it hurt even more. Then, one day, she does hear their voices. They’re faint at first, but they’re there. She can feel the sound vibrating off the cave walls, and her heart soars. She’s finally going to be back with them! Then it drops again when she remembers. They won’t remember her. Even Taako, her brother, the one person she’d been able to count on her whole life. Even he wouldn’t remember her. Seeing Taako’s face almost brings her to tears. He looks older, but his ridiculous fashion sense is the same. Merle tries to pick her up first, but she isn’t have any of that. Only Taako is allowed to take her. Just being near him makes her feel like everything is going to be alright. She wishes she could warn them about the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. In the end what happens in Phandolin is the same thing she’s seen so many times before. All that’s left is that same black glass circle. She withdraws into the umbrella until they reach the base of the Bureau of Balance. It breaks her heart when she sees Lucretia and Davenport. Lucretia looks so old, so tired. And Davenport...Seeing her old captain reduced to a shell of his former self, unable to say anything but his name. She can’t look. She wonders briefly where Barry is. He can’t have gone along with Lucretia’s plan. He must have gone to lich form. But she doesn’t know where he is. So she waits and bides her time. She likes Angus a lot. He seems like a sweet kid, and she knows Taako likes him. When they meet Barry, she begs for her brother and her friends to trust him. But they don’t. Why would they? They don’t remember anything. She’s not too terribly fond of Kravitz in the beginning. He hunts liches and he tried to kill Taako. But then again, he’s a gigantic dork, so she supposes he’s someone she doesn’t have to worry about. The days begin to blur together again, but in a good way this time. She’s content being by her brother’s side for the moment. As long as she has him....As long as she has him, she’ll be okay. Then Wonderland comes, and know sees Magnus begin to remember. Barry forces them to listen to him. She starts to get her hopes up. They go back to the base and they remember. Taako remembers. But when their memories come back, so too does the Hunger.

.

Lucretia:

She tries to convince herself this whole time that she’s doing the right thing. That everyone is safer where they are. Wherever they are. But it’s so so hard to do it all alone. She finds herself longing for the days on the ship. She misses the companionship she had with the other members of IPRE. She can’t keep going by herself, so she creates the Bureau. She sees people come and go faster than she can keep track of. Davenport stays with her through everything, but it’s just not the same. It hurts to be around him, seeing him like that. She had to do this, she reminds herself. It’s necessary. She directs her employees, calm and in control. It feels so strange to be in charge after following Davenport’s orders for 100 years. But she can handle it. She can always handle it. When she sees Magnus, Merle, and Taako again, it’s almost like breathing a sigh of relief. Having them back is a weight off her shoulders. She can make sure they’re okay now. But there’s also the possibility that they’ll do some digging and discover the truth. And they do discover the truth. She should have known they would figure it out. This was her family, after all. They would never stop until they had the truth. She’s briefly destroyed when she hears of Magnus’ death, but seeing him burst through those doors eases her pain. She can see the anger in his eyes, though. The same anger she sees in Barry and Taako’s eyes. Merle just looks tired, which makes the whole thing worse. They all hate her for what she’s done. And now the Hunger has found them. It was all for nothing.

[operationrainfall]

Title Code: Realize ~Bouquet of Rainbows~ Developer Otomate (Idea Factory) Publisher Aksys Games Release Date March 30th, 2018 Genre Visual Novel, Otome Platform(s) PS4, Switch Age Rating T for Teen Official Website

What do the collective works of Mary Shelley, Bram Stoker, Jules Verne, Maurice Leblanc and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle all have in common? All are considered literary masterpieces, all continue to remain in circulation, and all have seen various adaptations across other mediums. Additionally, these works were also first published during the same span of time (19th century into the early 20th century). Aside from these basic observations, they also heavily contribute to the heterogeneous mixture of concepts and ideas presented in Code: Realize ~Bouquet of Rainbows~.

When I picked this one up, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had not seen any coverage or descriptions of this game prior. My basic understanding was that it was an otome visual novel split across two smaller titles: Code: Realize ~Guardian of Rebirth~ and Code: Realize ~Future Blessings~. The first of those initially saw a release on the PS Vita back in 2015 (2014 in Japan). That one is comprised of just the main story, having a clear conclusion for each path. The second title was released in March of 2018 (2016 in Japan) and is essentially a collection of side-stories and “where are they now” events. This PS4 compilation that I am taking a look at released in March of 2018 as well.

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The story in Guardian of Rebirth is structured into a single path of 8 chapters, after which an important decision must be made. Those first 8 chapters are entirely from the perspective of the protagonist and most of the decisions are fairly inconsequential. Towards the end of chapter 9 though, you are given a very important decision: which potential love-interest will you go exploring with to find clues. Depending on your answer to this question, chapters 10-13 will be entirely different. I don’t mean that you will see the same story told from another vantage point, I mean the story will take a complete detour and you will end up with a totally different conclusion for each one. No pressure at all, right? With this in mind, there are only 13 numbered chapters, but given the option of 5 different routes, there are a total of 29 unique chapters. Each chapter is a little over an hour in length and the last 4 focus on the protagonist becoming closer to the person who she chose to go with.

So who are these eligible bachelors? You may have heard of some of them already. The first is Arsène Lupin, the world-renowned gentleman thief who pulls off all of his heists in style. He is the self-appointed leader of your party and you are unable to follow his story route until all of the others have been cleared (they saved the best for last?). Next is the genius, albeit childish, engineer, Impey Barbicane. Though his long-term goal is to land on the moon, Impey makes it his short-term goal to flirt with the protagonist. Then there’s the alchemist turned terrorist, Victor Frankenstein. He’s a former researcher from the Royal Alchemical Society and is currently on the run from the British government. Moving right along, your next choice is Abraham Van Helsing. A legendary marksman and hero of the great Vampire War, his past decisions have made him moody and hard to get along with. And finally, there’s the kindhearted aristocrat who puts up with the rest of the party while offering them free room and board. Count Saint-Germain is an eccentric young man who often pays for the expenses of the group and wears a perpetual smile. Not much is known about his past or where his wealth is drawn from.

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Perhaps just as eclectic as Lupin’s band of “specialists” is the storyline that brings them all together. It’s the late 1800s in an alternate reality Great Britain where King Edward ascended the throne instead of his brother William IV. The UK (specifically its capital city of London) has advanced itself to a level of technology that is unparalleled by the surrounding nations. Renamed Steel London, its various steampunk-inspired technologies were brought to life by a prolific scientist named Isaac Beckford. It’s here where our protagonist, Cardia, looks for answers. Cardia is a young woman who, at the onset of the game, lives isolated in an abandoned mansion outside of Wales. Her memories of who she is and why she is in that mansion only reach back 2 years into the past. To make matters worse, she is regarded as a monster by those in the neighboring village, as her skin is poisonous to the touch and causes things to disintegrate and die. She leaves the mansion not long after the opening events of the game, spending the rest of it looking for answers to her questions about her past, present, and future.

In terms of story presentation, each chapter is roughly the same length. I appreciated this because it helped me anticipate how many chapters I’d be able to get through in one sitting. What I didn’t appreciate was the lack of a visual flowchart to help me keep track of my decisions and where I was in the story. From the main menu, you can navigate back to previous chapters that you’ve already completed, but there is no indication of what choices exist within those chapters or which ones were chosen. Having said that, I did appreciate that regardless of which love interest I chose to pursue, the chapters for each were segmented in the same way. I also appreciated that while each bachelor’s story was wildly different, they all had similar threads that linked them together in the end (a “true” ending which I won’t spoil).

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The story itself is one of the biggest pros and cons of this game (depending on how you look at it). The borrowed concepts from Dracula, Frankenstein, and Sherlock Holmes (to name a few) are meshed together really well. All of them fit perfectly with that turn-of-the-century steampunk vibe that the game is going for. Even though the examples listed above have little to do with one another, they are married quite well and don’t seem overly forced. All literary references aside, one of the things that both drove me crazy and made me happy was the sheer abundance of deus ex machina moments presented throughout the story. Nearly every problematic encounter that the adventuring party must overcome seems impossible. Without fail though, there’s always some sort of miracle that happens or some unrealistic foresight on the part of the characters that “explains” how they are able to get by unscathed. I say that this is both a pro and a con at the same time because none of these moments feel natural or realistic, but I’d be lying if I said that they weren’t entertaining and added to the charm of both the story and its characters. I think it’s very interesting to see Victor Frankenstein exchange banter with Abraham Van Helsing and then arrange for a meeting with Queen Victoria of England. It’s absurdity of the greatest kind. Overall, I’d say that the story was very enjoyable and the characters were developed really well.

In terms of artwork and sound design, I was also very impressed. The background music wasn’t overly memorable, but it did fit the mood for each scene appropriately. The voice acting was a sizable step above and the actors did a great job conveying each character’s personality. The art was also quite striking. The backgrounds were very reminiscent of what one might expect of a Thomas Kinkade painting. They were all surprisingly detailed and full of color. Obviously Kinkade never included anime-styled character portraits in his paintings, but the portraits in Code: Realize all fit quite well with the backgrounds. There are more than enough distinct emotions for each character that they didn’t seem stiff or uninteresting. It also wasn’t too noticeable that they were overlaid onto the backgrounds, as the edges seemed to blend right in. The character portrait for Impey’s dog, Sisi, was a bit disappointing though. In porting both titles to PS4, the transparent background for Sisi was not maintained. The result is a completely visible transparency grid that was jarring to look at whenever Sisi was on screen.

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Some lesser issues that I found include the English translation, the glossary feature, and some of the random changes in perspective. As for the translation, I can’t recall finding any spelling mistakes. There were however some missing words and a number of grammatical errors peppered throughout both titles. At one point, the subtitles for Victor’s dialogue refer to Delacroix II by his name in the Japanese version. These issues are rather unfortunate, but understandable for these types of localizations. The aforementioned glossary feature is one in which the player has the option of pressing a button during a scene to display a brief explanation of words that appear in bold. The basic idea behind this is nice and even allows you to revisit these explanations from the main menu. The execution of the idea isn’t as nice though. Half of the time, the bold words don’t directly correspond to what is actually being described. Additionally, it often felt like every other screen had one of these glossary items pop up. This felt a bit excessive and initially took me out of the experience. In that same vein, the changes in perspective were also bittersweet. Near the end chapters especially, there will be random jumps from the protagonist’s inner thoughts to those of another character. This was a nice change of pace since 90% of this inner monologue is from her perspective, but these switches were never announced or explained. Context clues will be your only guide to understand these switches. All three of these “pain points” are relatively minor, but they do deserve consideration nonetheless.

In contrast with the first title, Future Blessings is segmented into 5 short follow-up chapters for each love interest, each just over an hour in length. There are also 3 side stories that span about 3 to 4 hours each. These side stories were by far my favorite parts. All of them take place either right before or right after chapter 9 and take the story in some really new directions. One has you getting caught up in some violent problems within the London Mafia. Another shows you an alternate retelling of chapters 10-13 from Finis’ perspective. Yet another let’s you follow along with the adventures of Lupin’s arch-rival, Herlock Sholmès. This extra content was by no means needed given the satisfying endings of the first title. Having said that, it is more than appreciated and feels right at home with the original content. It may not be as long as the first title, but it feels like a natural extension of it.

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At the end of the day, my playthrough of Guardian of Rebirth clocked in at right around 39 hours. Future Blessings was shorter and disjointed, but it still took me about 16-17 hours to complete.  In total, the Banquet of Rainbows compilation took me somewhere in the ballpark of 55-56 hours to complete. Despite some issues with the translation and the lack of a viewable flowchart, I was quite pleased with my time investment. Interestingly, there was an anime adaptation of the first title released in late 2017 and there is a follow-up game planned for localization sometime in 2019. If it’s any indication of my feelings towards the story, I plan to give both of those a look too. Code: Realize ~Banquet of Rainbows~ is available exclusively for PS4 (in North America) at an MSRP of $49.99 USD. There are also the Vita versions of Guardian of Rebirth and Future Blessings. A Switch version was recently released in Japan, so a North American release of that is also likely at some point. Given the abundance of content and its overall quality, I’d say this one’s definitely worth your time.

[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”4.5″]

  A review copy was provided by the publisher.

REVIEW: Code: Realize ~Bouquet of Rainbows~ Title Code: Realize ~Bouquet of Rainbows~

[evannalumibeginning-blog]

:the first:

She opened her eyes and sat up straight again. She had been waiting for Endeavour to arrive for an hour already and she was slowly falling asleep. She had known her best friend Endeavour since the day she was born.. almost. Evanna’s and Endeavour’s parents were best friends and although Endeavour was from the UK and Evanna from Estonia, they still managed to keep their relationship strong and never grew apart. They Skyped a lot and called every now and then + were always connected on Facebook Messenger. Two years ago, when Endeavour was just 15 years old and Evanna 13, Endeavour auditioned for a boyband, because he had been singing and acting since he started talking and he was really good in both of those things. Well, he got chosen and now, a boyband called Neverland was the most popular boyband in the UK and in Europe. Every girl in Evanna’s class was talking about their band.. except for Evanna, who just smiled and listened, pretending that she didn’t know anything about it. And now she was in the airport, in London, waiting for Endeavour to pick her up from the airport. Evanna was 15 years old, almost 16 and Endeavour, being 2 years older than her, was already 18, owning a license to drive and being the best friend in the whole world. For Evanna, the fact that Endeavour was a very handsome celebrity, didn’t matter at all. She still thought of Endeavour like the best friend she had always had, since she was born. Evanna yawned and checked her phone: no messages or missed calls from Endeavour. That was a bit strange, but Evanna just smiled to herself, being happy that in some hours, she will definetly see Endeavour and they will have an amazing day together. Actually, some amazing 3 months, because it was the beginning of May and Evanna had asked herself away from school, doing all the works and tests whilst being on tour with the boys. She was extremely excited to have that chance to spend three months with them on a tour. She sighed and tried to calm herself down, feeling all the pressure in her head. It might soon drive her mental. Evanna inhaled deeply and looked down to her feet, where her black suitcase was standing, right between her legs and there was still a tag on it. She opened her phone and texted Endeavour: where are you? still waiting. not expecting a response, but there it was. Just a second later after she sent it, Endeavour answered: coming. we had a meeting. sorry. i’ll be right there. almost at the airport. there’s a red light. i’m stuck. sorry sorry sorry. Evanna smiled, looking at his text and felt a little bit of anxiety flush over her. This one was good, tho. The one she had before she went on the plane, was worse. It was her first time flying alone. Ever. And it felt really scary and exciting. Her family had travelled to the UK and some other countries in the past a lot. Most of the time, by plane, but this one was so different, because she was probably going to have the time of her life. She sighed and closed her eyes, smiling to herself. It was going to be alright. She had to be sure about that, or otherwise her anxiety will return. Evanna sat there for a couple of minutes and then she heard her phone ringing. It was Endeavour. She answered her phone, smiling, and instantly heard his voice: “I’m sorry. I got stuck in traffic as well. Really really sorry. So. Are you coming out?” Evanna smiled, “Yup. On my way.” Endeavour cheered and ended their phone call. Evanna shoved her phone back into her pocket, gathered her backpack and her suitcase and started walking out of the airport. She was still anxious. but not so badly anymore than before. She walked out of the airport and got showered over by rain. Of course, it was London. Evanna laughed and looked around. She didn’t see Endeavour anywhere, so she checked her phone again, calling Endeavour: “Hey. I’m out. Where are you?” she asked, Endeavour laughed, “Waiting for you. Oh my god, there’s a really beautiful girl over there as well. Take your time.” Evanna sighed and Endeavour laughed again. This time, she heard it behind her back and she turned around. “Oh. It’s you.” Endeavour said and Evanna squeeled, whilst jumping on Endeavour, wrapping her arms around his neck and her feet around his waist. Endeavour kept laughing and Evanna smiled happily, seeing the same Endeavour, like she had seen so many times before:  ginger- brown hair, brown eyes and a sweet smile. He was hugging Evanna tight and Evanna felt so happy to finally be here. Although she was extremely nervous about meeting the boys in person. She had talked to them online- by Skype, but meeting them in person was going to be so much harder. And more exciting as well! Endeavour put her down and took her suitcase, smiling and led her to the car. Whilst driving, they talked about so many things - mostly about Endeavour’s career and what they were doing. And about Evanna’s school and about their families. About EVERYTHING. Soon, they made it to the boys apartment and Endeavour parked the car in the parking lot. He helped Evanna out of the car and took her suitcase, leading her inside the building and they stepped in the elevator; Endeavour pushed the button to the last floor and the doors slid shut. “So.. is the whole band at home?” Evanna asked, Endeavour smiled and nodded, then he shrugged. “Well.. I don’t really know where Thomas is. None of us knows, really. He.. is a bit moody. Nope. He is complicated.” Evanna laughed, but Endeavour stayed calm. “Nope. I’m honest, Evanna. He’s the worst. But he’s amazing. I mean, he’s such a fun guy to live with. We all live together and we just... are really close. I’m the closest to him, I guess.” Evanna nodded again and Endeavour shrugged. “But everything’s ok. Perfect, you know. Just add some screaming fans and.. pretty mad Management team. Don’t talk to them. They really are the worst. Since Joe left our management, their new leader is mr. Jules. He. is. freaking. mad.” Evanna laughed and so did Endeavour, but he then he sighed. “I swear to you, he is. Don’t mess with them.” Evanna nodded and Endeavour smiled. Then they arrived to the top floor and walked to the hallway. The hallway was big and looked very expensive. Literally. It looked like it was made of gold. The boys earned money pretty well, Evanna guessed. Endeavour led her to the door in the end of the hallway and opened it, letting Evanna in first. She entered the apartment and was really amazed by how it looked like. She was expecting to see a messy bachelor apartment, what was smelling and had empty soda/ beer cans everywhere, but this one.. it was clean, smelled like tea and food; and actually looked pretty cosy. Well, as far as she had seen. She was standing in the hallway of the apartment: the walls were made of red bricks and although the furniture was pretty new, it didn’t seem to be overly expensive. Endeavour smiled and waved at the apartment: “Home, sweet home.” and Evanna found herself laughing again- it just happened when she was around Endeavour. She always found herself laughing. Endeavour took her hand and led her to the living room, where two boys were sitting. Both in their laptops and laughing about something. That was positive. Evanna smiled at them and the both jumped up. They were Alistair and Calvin. Calvin was 190cm tall, muscular, he had blonde hair, light blue eyes and he had a couple of tattoos showing on his arms. He smiled at Evanna and jumped up, coming to hug her. Evanna smiled back and hugged him tight. She didn’t know him that well yet, but they had talked through Skype when she had skyped with Endeavour. The boys were always on the background and always making fun of everything they were talking about. Once they were all sitting in their pj’s and dancing in their living room, christmas carols on the background. That was last Christmas and Evanna remembered that Skype conversation very well. Anyways- the second person who came to hug her was Alistair. He had caramel-brown hair and the exact same coloured eyes, he had some tattoos on his arms as well. They weren’t disturbing, tho. They actually looked really cool. Evanna felt his strong arms hugging her and she instantly started to like these two guys, who made a joke about her flying a plane. The joke was that they screamed on the same time: “and you didn’t crash!” Evanna thought that it was hilarious and so did the boys. Next, Endeavour led her to the kitchen. It wasn’t really big. It was lovely: a bit boho-styled, but sweet. It reminded home, not some weird hotel-ish place where to stay. There were two boys sitting around the kitchen counter. They were VIncent and Aloysius. Vincent was the youngest of them all- he had chocolate- brown hair, he had a sweet baby-face and dark brown eyes. He came to hug Evanna as well- Vincent was only a year and 8 months older than her, but he already looked very handsome. He didn’t have any tattoos- at least Evanna didn’t see any. Aloysius had mediumly dark hair, deep light grey eyes and dark thich eyelashes. He hugged Evanna as well- he looked like a model. That was her first reaction to every boy in this apartment. Evanna smiled and Endeavour looked around. “And where the hell is Thomas, then?” he asked, Vincent nodded to the door next to the kitchen and Endeavour walked towards it, asking Evanna to follow him. She did and they walked trough the door, what led to the gym. They looked inside and Endeavour pointed at the balcony, where a guy was standing. It was Thomas. He had dark- dark- brown wavy and curly hair, which was really soft and he had dark blue eyes, high cheekbones, dimples in his cheeks and he had an amazing smile. He was tall, muscular, but pretty skinny. Evanna saw him smoking and heard Endeavour swearing behind her. He obviously didn’t like the fact that Thomas was smoking, so he asked Evanna to wait and walked to the balcony, went out and shut the door behind him. He greeted Thomas and he smiled sadly to Endeavour, who rested his arm around Thomas’s shoulders and they were talking about something. Finally, they looked at Evanna and Endeavour flicked Thomas’s cigarette out of his mouth. Then they turned around and walked back inside. The smell of cigarettes wasn’t that bad, but Evanna could still smell it, when she was hugging Thomas. He smiled to Evanna and greeted her, politely. His eyes rested on her for too long, at least that’s what Evanna thought. Then Thomas walked out and Endeavour sighed, smiled and pulled a face: “So.. now you’ve met everybody. Welcome!” and they laughed again.