#and anytime a moot on here posts their work I try so hard to sit down and read it!!!
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I have so much respect for fic writers and feel they are so undervalued it’s crazy !!!! Like the talent it takes and everything they give to the community …. absolute legends..
#how many ships have been born from them#god I wish I could read more so I could find more fics but alas#I’m one of those ppl that got hit with the ‘can’t sit down and read’ nerf post schooling#it’s such a weird phenomenon that I’ve talked about with a lot of ppl and I hate it !!!#and like I know the solution is just ‘make yourself read’ bc if you wanted to do it you’d do it#but I feel like I’m already barely able to get art time in and that’s my major passion#idk sorry for the musings!!!#fic writers I love you so much#and anytime a moot on here posts their work I try so hard to sit down and read it!!!#tavi talks
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Hey It's Me Again
6/21/2024
I'm gonna start throwing dates on these since tumblr has gotten less user friendly over the years. Haven't done one of these in a while, but it's time. I wanna try to be short. I'm still struggling. Every time I feel like I'm getting better, I actually think about it and I'm maybe worse off. I just know how to hide things better, even from myself. But if I sit with it for long enough, the pain comes flooding back. I don't have any friends to talk to anymore. The one that I had is so busy trying to essential oils, crystals and will everything to be better that she doesn't even talk to me on the human level anymore. She sends me these videos about those things and I just wanna actually talk. Not use this random video that I don't even give a damn about or believe in any way as a jump off point for me to give my thoughts. And then that's the only communication we have now because when I try to start conversations beyond that, I'm met with nothing. So that's been a huge blow to me. It's especially hard because I just learned that one of my moots over on twitter took his own life recently and he had so many friends around him. So anytime I hear about suicide, it does give me pause because I am not in a good place and people like me are higher risk for completing that if we attempt. So it just makes me nervous because it does go through my head when I see news like that.
My job still sucks, but I'm only doing one more year. It's interesting because I was ready to leave at the end of this year. That was actually my plan. But once I talked to my students, one really changed my mind. All of them wanna see me happy and don't want me to continue dealing with the bs that my job puts me through, but one (who will be a senior this year) shifted my perspective a tad. He was one of the main ones telling me to do what I gotta do and he'll be okay. But I saw how disappointed he was that I wouldn't be there for his senior year. And so that made me realize that if I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna do it the right way. I'm gonna approach the school year like it's my last one with them and really make the most of it. I'll get my seniors through to college, get my junior to a steady point, get my sophomores to their upperclassmen years with strong skills behind them, get my 8th graders into HS and have the rest of my kids in a good place moving forward. So hopefully going into the year with a different mindset will help me disengage from the stupidity from upper leadership at this company that I will inevitably have to navigate. So yeah, it's been bad, but I feel at peace. Also because I know I will be reporting them soon and I might bring up a lawsuit. Idk.
Finally, I told Preston that I have a crush on him a few weeks ago. It didn't go bad but it didn't go good either. I would've loved to have had him share similar feelings. He doesn't. Or he didn't really say much other than thank you and that he didn't know. But I kinda just let him know that I had no expectations and he could do whatever he wanted with the information. I'm probably gonna end up alone though. So that does make me sad. But I've been prepared. Kinda felt like there was no one out here for me back in high school. Just never worked out with any of the folks that I liked.
Anyway, that's all. Short little post today. I'm sad. I'm struggling big time. But I'm steel here (s/o to Tisha Campbell). And I'm trying. It's rough, but I'm working on things.
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GRAYLU SIBLING EXCHANGE 2017
For: @clerfait
From: Impracticaldemon cc: @graylu-angstweek
~ 5500 words (Total story length: 13,500 words)
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2
If you enjoy this story, please let me know! If you have concerns or comments, please let me know! My ask box is always open. Notes, likes and reblogs (or reviews on FF.net) are very much appreciated. :)
NOTE: I am posting the chapter below as well as on FF.net, however, please note that tumblr is not good at preserving original formatting (italics usually go missing and I often miss some when I manually edit); also, any edits for typos etc. will be made to the FF.net chapter
Chapter 3 – Resolution
[I] - The Shouting
Lucy had made a point of not looking for Gray during the wedding. Juvia had done a lot for her, and Lucy wasn't going to mess with Juvia's special ceremony, especially when she was there specifically to support her friend as a bridesmaid.
It was an outdoor ceremony, despite being the first of November, but everything had been designed with the comfort of the guests in mind. Naturally, there were glorious ice sculptures, but those were at some distance from the seating area, in an effort to make people feel less cold. Lucy hadn't been convinced that people could feel warm enough, sitting outdoors surrounded by ice sculptures with grey skies overhead, but in any event the ceremony part of the day was really quite short, so it didn't matter too much.
Despite her best intentions, Lucy hadn't been able to prevent a ball of nervous tension from forming in her stomach as the ceremony had concluded and people had started filing into carriages or walking down the road to get to the big reception being hosted at the Fairy Tail guildhall. Juvia had told her not to panic if there was a slight delay, and she had tried her best.
It had been Lyon, rather than Juvia, who had told Lucy where Gray was waiting. He had just handed his new bride into a carriage glittering with delicate ice carvings, and his smile had been unusually genuine and unshadowed:
"He thinks he's waiting for me, of course. We'd have told you sooner, but Juvia didn't want there to be any chance that you'd behave differently than expected, since Gray's suspicious enough to have watched everyone leaving just now. Anyway, good luck, Lucy! He's a stubborn… guy… but he's okay, I guess. Mostly."
To Lucy's surprise, he had patted her kindly on the shoulder, making up for the jab at his foster-brother and frequent rival. Then he had jumped gracefully into the carriage, white coat flaring briefly around his legs. A moment later, Juvia had leaned out and blown a kiss to Lucy, who had waved madly back. The moment the carriage had pulled away, however, Lucy had hurried into the stand of trees behind the open area where the ceremony had taken place. There was a small wooden shelter there designed as a meeting place or a shelter for those hiking the pleasant trails within this part of the forest. Supposedly, Gray Fullbuster, missing Ice Mage extraordinaire, was inside or lurking nearby.
Knowing that Gray was quick, suspicious-minded, and had very good ears, Lucy had rushed straight into the shelter without pausing for breath. She had been gratified to see him look up—it was him!—start forward in evident surprise, and then catch himself and freeze (ha!) into immobility.
Quite a few frustrated, angry, anxious words had struggled in Lucy's throat, shoving aside the calm speech that she had prepared for the occasion. What had come out was:
"You! I don't—! What the hell?! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"
Lucy had even stamped her foot—shod in an expensive, high-heeled, crystal-covered shoe—for emphasis. Then she had been forced to blink away tears. There had been a short silence, and then Gray had tugged at his silvery tie and run a hand over the nape of his neck.
"I made a promise."
"WHAT?!" Apparently, Lucy hadn't quite gotten the shouting out of her system, yet.
"… Look, Lucy, I should go…"
"NOT A CHANCE!"
Lucy had taken a deep, allegedly cleansing breath and tried again. "I mean… please stick around long enough to tell me why the… why you kissed me and then disappeared for ten months!"
Gray had shifted from foot to foot, hands shoved deep into his pockets, shoulders a little hunched. Bizarrely, all desire to shout had suddenly drained out of Lucy, and she had found herself waiting anxiously for his reply.
"I promised myself that I'd give you a year," he had said at last. "When Juvia announced her engagement, I mean. Because… although I thought that she might get over me, I had finally decided that I had to stop wanting what I couldn't have and learn to love what was in front of me."
"You were learning to love Juvia? That's pretty arrogant, considering that she's smart, pretty and a kick-ass mage!" Ten months of anxious wondering kept outmanoeuvering the kind, patient things that Lucy had meant to say.
Gray's own temper had finally splintered:
"Well she's MARRIED now, so it's kind of a moot point, isn't it?!" His voice had been a long way from calm, all of a sudden. "And I'd ALREADY FOUND a smart, pretty, KICK-ASS mage I was interested in!"
At that point, Gray had managed some kind of indecipherable growl of disgust or frustration, and in the blink of an eye, the tie vanished abruptly (well, it ended up tossed onto one of the wooden chairs) and the dress shirt followed suit a moment later. Lucy had found herself staring, for the first time in more than ten months, at the dark blue Fairy Tail guildmark on Gray's upper right-hand chest. He was a little thinner, she thought, but still tremendously fit. Then it had dawned on her that she was avoiding processing what Gray had just said.
She hadn't dared to close her eyes, for fear that he might somehow slip away, so she had taken a shaky breath instead and asked directly: "What was that last part?"
Silence. Gritting her teeth and remembering that she'd told Juvia that she—Lucy—had courage too, Lucy had announced in a clear voice:
"I wouldn't mind finding out if I like you back, Gray. As something other than friends. If that's what you're talking about. But it's a little difficult to do that WHEN YOU AREN'T HERE!"
More silence, and then Gray had turned his head away and folded his arms.
"Gray?"
"I need more time."
"To do what? I'm not the only one who misses you, you know?"
"Yeah, well, I'm not interested in Flame-brain in that way."
Lucy had snorted. "I was picking up on that. So what are you saying?"
"I worked really hard to give you your space so that you could get used to the guild, used to the team… used to the people on the team. And you just… liked everyone, you know? Stupid Natsu and his stupid problems with transportation… He gets back late to the guildhall but suddenly he's got this really beautiful blond girl with him and she's a mage but just a little inept—"
"Oi! Inept?!" Lucy had felt a jolt at being called beautiful, but she'd carefully ignored it. She was being patient with the moron.
"—Yeah, just a little… But all fun and friendly and really trying to do stuff and putting up with my and Natsu's crap, you know? And I'm not saying you're inept now…"
"Gee, thanks. Most guys just wait for a good opportunity and bring flowers or something—they don't start thinking about getting engaged TO SOMEBODY ELSE! AND THEN LEAVE FOR TEN MONTHS!"
"Yeah? Well Natsu isn't most guys, and you two are really close, so what do I know?! When you were sick? HE BROUGHT YOU A FREAKING TREE! I was going to bring you flowers, but HE BROUGHT A TREE!"
Lucy had made the mistake of laughing slightly.
"Okay, that was pretty cool."
Gray hadn't been amused. He'd turned right around and smacked the "rustic" shelter wall, leaving a distinctly frosty imprint.
"And let's not forget Loke, shall we? Leader of the Greater Celestial Spirits and playboy of Fairy Tail? He damn well shows up whenever he likes and you're pretty cozy with him, too!"
"But you like Loke!"
"Well I like Natsu, too—don't tell him I said that—but that doesn't mean I like it that he casually stops by your bedroom and you make him breakfast in the morning! And Loke's worse because I know he's a pervert, whereas Flame-brain's just an idiot."
Lucy had crossed her own arms at this point.
"Is there something you're trying to say, here? I didn't almost get engaged to either of them, in case you hadn't noticed. Unlike you and Juvia!"
"She wanted to get married, she liked me a lot, I liked her… enough… I thought. You didn't even notice me. I mean jeez, you'll hug anyone, anytime! Especially Flame-brain!"
"I AM NOT some kind of, of HUGGING SLUT! How dare you!"
"Yeah, well, you're really confusing, okay?!"
Lucy hadn't noticed, in her (totally justified) anger, but the two of them were only a three or four feet apart now. Gray had been looking distinctly flushed, which was unusual. Even as Lucy had opened her mouth to retort, she'd noticed, again, that Gray was a good-looking guy, even if he was being intensely irritating.
"HOW—I mean, how—am I confusing?" Lucy was proud of herself for bringing her tone back into line. She also took a step back, creating some space. "And why didn't you get engaged to Juvia, if you liked her so much?"
Gray had appeared to grit his teeth, and his eyebrows had drawn down into a tight, black vee.
"Well, first of all, she got engaged to somebody else. You may have noticed that."
"Yeah, well, you weren't very kind to her, were you? Juvia was always super-sweet to you and you either ignored it or snapped at her."
"I'm not saying I handled it well. I owe Juvia an apology. That's on me. Of course, I'm not saying that she always handled it well either. She was a little scary sometimes—"
"You're a little scary sometimes!" Lucy had protested, narrowing her eyes. She had felt the need to speak up on behalf of her friend, since she knew that Juvia was very embarrassed (and sorry) about the time she had accidentally dosed everyone in the guild with an illegal love potion.
Gray had started to glare down at the floor at that point, and Lucy had told herself that she wasn't being entirely fair. Everyone had made their share of mistakes. If Lucy wanted answers now, she had to be more willing to just listen. She had murmured an apology, and had endured a rather stormy look from Gray before he'd continued.
"…To finish answering your original question, so that I can get out of here: when Juvia got engaged I realized that I still… liked… somebody else. A lot. And it freaked me out that I almost got married to the wrong person, for the wrong reasons, just out of impatience or something. I knew that if I stayed around, I wouldn't be able to give the person I really liked the time she needed to decide how she felt about it, without pushing for a decision. So I decided to go away, for long enough to get my head back on straight, and… maybe for long enough for other people to figure out how they felt."
Lucy had felt her throat and chest tighten a little, since Gray's voice had gotten softer as he'd spoken. He'd sounded less angry and more sad, somehow.
"Do you really need to stay away? Maybe you could just say how you feel to the person now and see what happens?"
Gray had shrugged uncomfortably.
"I don't think so. I kind of messed things up once already. And… well, I don't want to go into everything right now, okay?"
At that point, Gray had noticed his shirt and tie lying on the chair and had made a point of turning around to put the shirt back on and loop the tie around the collar. By the time he had finished, Lucy had been strangely close to tears.
"So you're going to head off then? Just like that? I… I wish you wouldn't."
The first few words had slipped out, a little angry and a lot bitter. But the image of Juvia's face had risen unbidden in her mind, and so she'd choked out the last part and discovered that it did feel good to tell the plain truth. Even if her ego didn't like it much.
The stiff shoulders in the navy dress shirt had relaxed slightly and Gray had turned slowly to face her, his expression cautious. Lucy's usual empathy had finally kicked in enough to realize that the discussion hadn't gone the way Gray had wanted either. Instinctively, she had put out a hand. She had been surprised, though, when he'd taken it.
"Lucy…"
His fingers had been warmer than hers, as though the cold, damp November air didn't affect him much, which was no doubt true. Once again, Lucy had felt the odd, rushing, breathless sensation she'd gotten when he'd kissed her ten months before. She'd stared down at his hand around hers, realizing how much bigger it was, even though Gray wasn't a particularly tall man compared to many of the other mages at Fairy Tail. She'd allowed her attention to be diverted by all the scars she could see, just on this one hand; some were fine, white lines, barely visible, others were darker and the skin was slightly puckered.
"I guess you're right," Gray had finally said, presumably watching her study his hand. "I might as well… say it now… since you're here…"
Lucy had felt her cheeks reddening, and the breathless feeling had increased along with the speed of her heartbeat. She'd almost made him stop, although it would have been hard to explain why, exactly. She'd kept her eyes lowered, totally unable to deal with his expression, whatever it was.
"So…" Gray had cleared his throat. "I like you a lot, Lucy. I have for a long time. Um—as something different than a friend—I think was how you put it. But as a friend, too, right? Because I really don't want to change that."
Lucy had tried to say something at that point, but Gray had put a fingertip on her lips. He had been standing very close to her by then, their joined hands held between them almost as a barrier instead of a bridge.
"No wait, I want to finish. I think I might be… I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, to be honest. But the problem is that a lot of people love you, and you love a lot of people. I want to make sure that if you ever love me back… in the same way, I mean… then it's just me. It's probably dumb, but I thought that if I could stay away for long enough, then you'd have the chance to hang out with other people, and that might help you figure things out somehow. Also… and you'll probably hate me for this… after things with Juvia, I needed to make sure that I really wasn't interested in anyone else. But you, I mean."
The finger on her lips had moved under her chin and had tilted her face up. Lucy had felt as though she couldn't breathe at all, as she'd reluctantly met Gray's dark eyes—were they dark grey (haha) or very dark blue or what?
"I need you to be patient—no, I mean, I'm asking you to be patient. Right or wrong, I made a promise to myself—like a New Year's resolution—that I'd stay away at least a year. Besides, I've got a job to do, where I am right now. And being at Lyon and Juvia's wedding today was a bit weird."
Abruptly, irritation had resurfaced.
"Why couldn't you have just stayed and worked things out here?! I mean, a whole year? Really?"
Lucy had expected Gray to get angry again, but although his lips had tightened a little, he had kept a firm hold on her hand and hadn't looked away.
"And a lifetime is even longer, Luce. I got really, really scared when Juvia announced her engagement. Not just because I realized how dumb I was being, but because it meant that I couldn't go on using my 'sort of, maybe' involvement with Juvia as a way to pretend that I didn't want something different with you. It's kind of annoying, but I think Natsu's known about how I feel for a while. Lyon's always said I wasn't good enough for Juvia, but that's different; I think he fell for her really early on."
"But why didn't you just tell me?!" Lucy demanded. "Or ask me out?"
"Because it was obvious that you hadn't even considered the possibility. Just… think about it, Luce. You were always reading those romance books and checking out every new guy you met in case he was THE ONE—"
"That is not true!"
"No? Well, what about the time you thought Natsu was going to ask you out but it turned out that he just wanted to borrow Virgo to dig for treasure?"
"Well he was hardly a 'new guy'! But how—"
"Or how you behaved when we met the guys from Blue Pegasus?"
"They're really good at what they do!"
"Or there was the guy you met in the bookstore. I could be wrong, but in the end you chose to go on a job with Natsu over your date with him, but that doesn't make me feel a lot better."
"Your point?"
"If I'd asked you out a year ago you would have been confused. Or worried. Or uncomfortable. In my less jealous moments, I realized that you really weren't interested in anyone like that—at least, not that I could see. You liked the idea of romance, but not any particular guy. Or girl, I guess, although I didn't really consider that. Of course, if there is somebody, then now would be a good time to tell me." Gray paused and then added: "Actually, about twenty minutes ago would have been better."
Lucy had struggled to come up with a good answer. She hadn't wanted him to go. She had liked the way it felt to have somebody hold her hand in a sort of romantic way (although she still didn't quite have her head around romance and Gray—which she wasn't about to admit).
"You'll come back?" Lucy had wanted to kick herself the moment the words were out of her mouth. She hated sounding whiny or childish; people didn't take her seriously enough as it was.
"Promise. Although I can't guarantee I'll stay if… if things don't work out."
"So you want me to be patient."
"Yeah."
"I'm not sure that's my strong point… where people are concerned. I mean, at least I don't go looking for the most dangerous place in a battle, like you and Natsu do."
Gray had rolled his eyes. "Let's leave Flame-brain out of this, okay? Look, it's up to you what you do now. That's part of why I don't think I should be here. You're soft on your friends and I don't want to be left wondering if you just felt kind of bad for me."
"Thanks for trusting my judgment."
"Fair point. If it makes you feel better, just tell yourself that I don't trust my judgment when it comes to you. But I've really got to go now."
"I'm really mad at you for staying away for so long just to make things easier for yourself!" Lucy had felt tears coming, and that had made the defensive anger return in force.
A strange look had crossed Gray's face. Then his already dark eyes had taken on an even darker expression. Maybe Lucy had imagined it, but it had seemed as if the room had gotten suddenly colder. Before she could move, Gray had bent down and pressed a kiss on her neck, just behind her ear. It had made her shiver. The breath on her ear had been warm, but the words he had whispered to her weren't:
"What the hell made you think it's been easy?"
Lucy had been so startled—again—that she hadn't made a sound when he'd let go of her hand, turned, and stalked out. By the time she'd rushed through the door herself, she'd caught no more than a glimpse of somebody hurrying away through the trees. She'd seriously debated summoning one of her spirits, but a moment's thought had made her put her keys back into the elegant pouch at her waist. The pouch, which was far more elegant than her usual working case, reminded her of Juvia, who had given it to her. Whose wedding reception she was missing.
"You are being such a JERK!" she'd shouted in the direction that she thought Gray had gone. Then she'd hurried off to where a waiting carriage would take her to the guild hall and Juvia and Lyon's party.
When Loke had shown up in the carriage, she'd snarled at him, causing him to shake his head at her with a sigh.
"I'll send Virgo to fix your make-up," he'd told her. "And don't worry, we'll talk later."
"Or not," Lucy had muttered, when he'd disappeared again. But she hadn't turned down Virgo's help with her make-up—it was definitely smudged around her eyes for some reason.
[II] - The Kissing
It was the holiday season again, just a few days after the anniversary of the day that Gray had first left for parts unknown. In fact, it was New Year's Eve, and Lucy was dressed up in a softly-draped, dark blue velvet dress that fit perfectly and had been very expensive. Erza and Levy had both been impressed, but neither had been tactless enough to ask whether Lucy had a date for the evening.
Although it was only an hour or so until midnight, Lucy wasn't at the guild hall with the rest of her friends. Instead, she stood with her arms crossed looking out her front window at the street below, where a light dusting of snow was being blown here and there by fitful gusts of wind.
Lucy had been crushed—although she had barely admitted it to herself, let alone to her friends—when Gray hadn't shown up on the exact anniversary of his first abrupt departure. Christmas had felt like a disaster, despite an unusually successful gift-exchange at the guild, where somehow everyone had ended up with something they actually wanted and liked.
Every evening since the one-year mark, once she was home for the night, Lucy had stood looking out her front window, waiting for a particular face and figure to emerge from the darkness. She had decided that New Year's Eve would be the last night she would keep watch, though. Her thoughts about exactly what she would resolve to do on New Year's Day were still a little nebulous, but there would be no more evening vigils for a confused and confusing ice mage who couldn't even keep his promises.
The small clock that Juvia (and Lyon, presumably) had given her for Christmas chimed the quarter hour, and Lucy felt her heart sink. It had been very hard to be patient over the last two months. Being patient meant a lot more than just waiting, she'd discovered. It meant waiting without resentment, which was extraordinarily difficult to do. Anyone could wait impatiently for something to happen. It was much more difficult to wait without giving in to abstraction, moodiness, or despair. Had anybody being paying attention, they would have had to credit Lucy for being as cheerful and optimistic as reasonably possible under the circumstances. In fact, several people had been watching, and did give Lucy silent kudos for behaving extraordinarily well, all things considered. Lucy would have been surprised to know that Natsu, long-famed for his hot-headedness and general inattention to anything not immediately on his to-do list, was among those keeping a close eye on how she was feeling.
The chimes sounded the half-hour, and Lucy started to move away from the window, intending to get herself a glass of champagne to keep her company for the last thirty minutes of her vigil. She had just cast a quick glance back over her shoulder when she saw him. Black, wind-tousled hair, as wild as always; dark eyes under thin dark brows drawn down into a slight frown; a dark jacket left open over a dark collared shirt, with a bright triangle of white at the base of the neck suggesting a t-shirt underneath.
Lucy stood absolutely motionless, heart accelerating wildly out of something that felt more like relief than actual joy. It was just as well that she hadn't been holding a glass.
When Gray left her field of vision in order to come into the building, Lucy realized that her hands were trembling slightly and her eyes were wet with tears. Was she always going to associate this man with tears? What kind of weird relationship was that?
She found that she still couldn't move, except to turn to face the door into her apartment. When the expected tap sounded on the wood, she had to clear her throat before telling the visitor to come in. She'd left the door unlocked, perhaps unwisely, but she'd felt that it was the right thing to do and she was prone to acting on intuition.
The door swung open with some force, and the visitor—it really was Gray, Lucy thought rather bemusedly—rushed across the threshold. Now that he was inside, Lucy saw black smudges under the dark eyes, and deep lines of fatigue etched around compressed lips. Unfortunately, her usual good manners had deserted her, and she just stared at him. After taking a few steps into the room, Gray stopped and stared back, taking in the elegant gown, the elaborate, upswept hair, and the carefully applied (and now slightly smudged) makeup. His first words, however, were to the point:
"Am I in time?"
Lucy nodded, and Gray breathed out a sigh of patent relief. Then he walked over and took her hands, with a murmured "may I?" to which Lucy had just nodded again.
"So… I'm really, really sorry I'm late. You might not have heard, but in a lot of areas the trains haven't moved in days. It's weird, because we don't usually get this kind of snow, but… well, that's how it was. It was a very long walk. Good thing I don't mind snow."
"True." This time Lucy managed a weak smile. He was here.
"Um, I would've been here a bit sooner, but there were a lot of people who needed help. I'm afraid that ice magic wasn't really the best suited for the crisis, but with a bit of creativity it wasn't bad."
"Gray."
"Sorry, I'm babbling, I know. I was really scared that I wouldn't get here before midnight and you'd decide never to see me again or something crazy."
All of a sudden, the shock of finally seeing him wore off and Lucy had to suppress the urge to smack her—well, what was he, exactly? Admirer? That sounded really dumb and not at all like the slightly taciturn and frequently sarcastic ice mage she'd gotten to know over two years of wild adventures and one year of aggravating silence.
"Crazy? Like, I don't know, taking off for a WHOLE YEAR without even leaving an address? Seriously?"
Gray looked as though he wanted to rub the back of his neck as he usually did when embarrassed or stressed. He shifted uncomfortably instead, but kept Lucy's hands tightly between his own.
"Right, yeah, I know. How about if I give you the first of what will probably be several heartfelt apologies?"
Lucy softened despite herself. Yes, part of her wanted to make him pay for all the pain and anxiety of the last year. But the better part of her wanted to put the past behind them and concentrate on whether there was a future. Lucy wasn't naturally inclined to hold grudges, and she'd spent most of the last two months, and a lot of the last year, trying not to become resentful.
"Sure."
"I am totally, incredibly, absolutely sorry for taking off for a year instead of figuring out a better way to handle the situation. I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone, but now I'm not so sure. Either way, if grovelling will help, I'll grovel."
Very tentatively, Gray leaned forward and kissed Lucy's forehead. When she didn't pull away, he relaxed a little and closed his eyes, shifting so that his dark, spiky hair stayed in contact with Lucy's bright golden head.
"I fell for you a long time ago. You're pretty, you're smart, you're kind, you're loyal, and you work hard to get better at what you do. I probably should've just told you that at some point, once I'd figured it out myself. The thing is… you seemed totally oblivious to the guys who were interested in you, except that when somebody went too far you thought he was a creep. But you were really close to your friends, and you're a great friend."
"You chickened out."
"Ouch. Maybe, I don't know. I'm not sure I was totally wrong. Lucy now isn't the same as Lucy three, or even two years ago."
"Hmm."
The clock chimed the three-quarter hour, causing Gray to look over at it.
"Convenient. Now I know I've still got fifteen minutes."
"For what?"
"Look, don't move, okay?"
Gray shifted a few inches away so that he could take off his coat and slightly damp outer shirt. Then he put his hands lightly on Lucy's bare shoulders.
"I didn't want to get your dress wet with snow. Now that I've fixed that…" His arms went around her, still slowly, his nearly-black eyes watching her to make sure that she didn't mind. "Is this alright?"
Lucy was enjoying the feeling of being so close more than she'd expected. The romance novels hadn't been as exaggerated as she'd thought. She felt herself blush.
"Uh, Lucy?"
"Yes, this is fine. In fact, it's… nice."
He pulled her more tightly against him, so that her head was tucked against his shoulder. It didn't feel at all like hugging a friend. In fact, this particular sensation, or collection of sensations—the rapid heartbeat, the rather shallow breath, the awareness of comfort and danger at the same time—was going to make Lucy a little more wary about hugging guys for a while. It was one thing to have the basic concept, but the reality was a lot more… Lucy contemplated vocabulary, finally coming up with "intimate". Or maybe "sensual"?
"You know, I have no idea what you're thinking," Gray said quietly, not far from her ear.
Lucy blushed even more fiercely, and was glad that her face was at least partly hidden from view.
"Oh… I was… wondering what you meant about the fifteen minutes."
"About five now. By the way, you are incredibly distracting."
"Really?"
"Completely."
"Good."
Lucy felt as though she could hear Gray smile into her hair. She definitely heard him draw in a deep breath.
"Would you go out with me? Also, if the answer's yes, then may I have a kiss for New Year's? A proper one?"
Lucy smiled to herself. Gray was a very good friend; one of her closest friends. But she was definitely willing to try for something more, or different, or however people wanted to put it.
"Sure—yes. To both. But I'm still annoyed that you made me wait."
The arms around her loosened enough for Gray to look down into her eyes. Lucy grinned roguishly up at him, and saw his dark eyes gleam back in appreciation. Or anticipation.
"You don't really sound annoyed, Ms. Heartfilia."
"Don't push your luck, Mr. Fullbuster."
"No guarantees on that, I'm afraid. I'll always ask first, but I don't want you to call me a coward again. If that's pushing my luck, so be it."
Although the clock hadn't quite started chiming midnight yet, Gray bent down and stole a kiss. That seemed to work out very well, so he claimed another one. By the time the little clock finished ringing in the New Year, Gray and Lucy were oblivious to the sound. They were wrapped up in each other, mouths together, lips parted, hands now touching skin instead of just clothing.
[III] - The Voyeurs
Across the road, two sets of eyes were fixed unashamedly on the couple clearly visible in the lighted window above.
"They're really rather sweet," murmured Erza, smiling mistily.
Loke smirked.
"Well in my opinion," he replied, "it's more a case of it's about freaking time."
Erza sighed.
"Happy New Year, Loke."
"Happy New Year, Erza. By the way… have you heard anything from Jellal lately?"
[THE END]
A/Note: Thank you for reading! Again, all reviews, comments (feel free to PM me here or on tumblr), likes and reblogs are appreciated!
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