#and anything with my mom was bc we’re both crazy and it’s just not worth it and he has his own life to deal with

[lilgynt]

want to reach out to my brothers about what’s going on with my mom and how it’s effecting me but realistically i know they don’t care and even if they did they can’t do anything about it so im just skipping the reaching out and subsequent conversation that will just make me feel worse which like yes im isolating myself further in the abuse/gaslighting and letting myself sink further into it etc etc etc no one cares pass the weed and alcohol every night

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[maybeimamuppet]

day 16 (with twins): making christmas cookies

day 16 yaaaaaay!!! i think this might be my favorite one. maybe. (reposting bc i forgot the title last time. oops.)

the twins are two!

enjoy!

—————

“Mama?” Layla asks, trying to pull herself up to eye level with the counter. “What you doin’?”

“I’m getting everything ready to make cookies,” Cady says.

“Cookie?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna make gingerbread people!” Cady replies.

“Make people?” Layla asks, looking up at her. Cady bends down to pick her up and rests her on her hip.

“Cookie people,” she explains. “It’ll be fun, you’ll like it. Look at all these yummy things.”

“Candy,” Layla says, leaning to be set on the counter so she can dig in. Cady spins around and holds her away from it.

“Later, Bug. We can’t eat it yet, then we won’t have anything to decorate the people with!”Layla whines and buries her face in her chest. “I know, I know. It’s so tempting, huh?” Layla nods. “Yeah. You can have some in a little while. Why don’t you go get Lolo and Mommy?”

“Den candy?”

“Then we make cookies, and then candy,” Cady says. Layla pulls a stink face as she’s set back down. That’s a lot of things in between now and candy time. “I know. Go on, the faster sissy and Mommy come the faster you can eat.”

“Oh!” Layla says. Cady giggles quietly as she goes tearing off to the living room. She trips after a couple steps, but just pushes herself back up with an, “I okay!”

—-

“Ooh, look at all this, little miss Pinterest,” Janis hums when she enters the kitchen trailed by their two little ducklings. “All these fancy little things.”

“I figured it’d be easier to have everything measured out so they can just dump it all in,” Cady says. “Few more dishes to do, but I think it’ll be worth it.”

“Definitely,” Janis agrees. Cooking with the twins is seldom a neat process. “Come here, little bugs.”

The twins both go running over to her and stand at her feet.

“Hi Mommy!” Leo says with a precious little grin.

“Hi baby,” Janis smiles back. “We’re about to cook, what do we need?”

“Ap’on!” Layla says. Janis nods.

“And?”

“Cwean hands!” Leo says, holding up her grubby little ones to demonstrate.

“Exactly. Go get your aprons and then we’ll wash our hands,” Janis says. She grins as the twins go running off to the pantry to get their tiny aprons. Gretchen made them herself, with matching little chef hats and oven mitts for the twins’ birthday. They’ve gotten a lot of use.

“You guys have the wrong ones,” Janis chuckles when her daughters come tearing back over. “What does that say?”

Layla looks down as Janis taps the embroidered name on her chest. Janis helps her take it off so they can both sound out the letters.

“Lll… eeeee… oh!” They sound out. Leo says, “Says Leo! Dat’s me!”

“That is you!” Janis chuckles. “And you two just read that, good job!”

The twins switch aprons and pull them over their heads. Janis carefully ties the straps behind their little backs and snatches them up to carry over to the sink.

“Crazies,” Cady chuckles affectionately. “Just don’t drop them.”

“Mama ap’on too?” Layla asks, looking at her upside-down from Janis’ hold. Cady smiles and bends down to give her a little peck.

“Yeah, I’ll wear an apron too.”

“An’ Mommy?”

“And Mommy,” Cady agrees, grabbing two more aprons from the hook on the door. The hook is significantly lower to the ground than it used to be so the little ones can reach it themselves. “Okay, let’s wash our hands and then we can get started!”

Cady and Janis each help one twin wash their chubby little hands, scrubbing off a morning of playing. The twins sit on the counter and dry their hands with paper towels while their moms wash their own hands, and then they’re carried over to sit on the counter with all their ingredients.

“Big bowl,” Leo says, pointing to the large mixing bowl in the middle of everything.

“That is a big bowl, you’re right,” Cady agrees with a chuckle. “We have to put all of this stuff into the big bowl in the right order, and then we mix it together!”

“An’ den cookie?” Layla asks, tilting her head curiously.

“All this stuff makes the dough. We have to bake them in the oven after that, and then they’ll be cookies,” Janis explains. “How do they go in, Mama?”

“Flour first,” Cady says, bending to check the recipe next to her. Janis puts the dish of pre-measured flour into Layla’s little hands.

“All of it?” Layla asks, looking at her moms. Cady nods and taps the bowl, so Layla tips the dish into it. Janis helpfully drums on the bottom to get the last bit shaken in and then takes the bowl back. Leo gets handed a smaller dish of baking soda to add. She dumps it in and peeks curiously at their mixture.

Layla adds the cinnamon while Leo adds the cloves. Cady looks at the recipe to make sure everything is going correctly.

“Oh, oopsies,” she says. “That was supposed to be in this bowl.”

“I’s okay, Mama,” Leo says kindly. “Jus’ an acc’dent.”

“You’re right, Bumblebee, thank you,” Cady grins. “That’s very kind of you. And we can fix it, we just have to pour it into this one.”

She handles that, since it has a higher potential to go awry. Once the dry mixture is in its smaller bowl, she hands Layla a whisk to mix it together.

“Slowly, be gentle,” she says. Layla barely sticks the tip of the whisk in and rotates it. “Okay, you can do a little more than that. But good listening.”

Leo gets to help stir too, and the twins thoroughly blend the dry mixture. Cady starts on the wet ingredients while they’re occupied. Leo covers her ears when she hears the stand mixer go off, and Layla visibly startles before she giggles.

“It’s loud, huh?” Janis chuckles. The twins both nod. Leo slowly removes her hands from her ears as she gets used to the volume.

“Mama?” she asks.

“Yes, baby?” Cady replies.

“What you doin’?”

“I’m mixing some butter and sugar together,” Cady says. “There we go.”

“I can help?” Leo asks.

“You both can help in just a second,” Cady says, quickly cracking in an egg and adding the vanilla. She beckons them over as some sticky molasses gets poured in. “Here, Lolo, hold this. It’s gonna be loud for a second.”

Leo takes the offered bowl of ginger and promptly sticks her little nose in it. She recoils with a cough and looks at it for a second before she does it again. “Smell yummy.”

“I smell too?” Layla asks. Leo gently holds the bowl for her sister to sniff. “Oh!”

“That’s the ginger,” Cady chuckles. “It’s kind of spicy, but when it gets mixed in with all this stuff it makes the cookies so yummy.”

“Ginger,” the twins repeat.

“Yep! Okay, Lolo, dump that in here for me,” Cady says. Leo happily does, using her fingers to scrape the mush out of the bowl and into the cookie dough. “Good job! Jay, can you help her get that off her hand?”

“Yeah, come here,” Janis says. Leo giggles as she’s scooped off the counter and given kisses. Layla scoots closer to watch as Cady switches the mixer on again to beat the ginger into the dough.

“It spin awound,” she explains to Cady. “And mix togedder.”

“You’re right,” Cady nods. “You’re very observant, my little bug. Can you carefully get the dry mix?”

Layla crawls back to the bowl on the counter and grabs it, staring at it intently to make sure she doesn’t spill as she inches back to Cady and the wet mixture.

“Good job,” Cady praises, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Okay, can you help me?”

Layla nods and keeps her little hands on the bowl to ‘help’ Cady add it in sections. Cady’s doing all the actual work, but sometimes it’s just nice to be included.

Leo gets popped back down next to her sister once her hands have been cleaned and dried to watch, and Janis presses herself to Cady’s back to peer over her shoulder as the dough comes together.

Gradually, the flour disappears into the dough, and it’s finally complete. Cady says, “There we go! There’s our cookie dough!”

“I’s cookies?” Leo asks in disbelief.

“Almost,” Janis chuckles. “It will be in a while.” she gently presses a kiss to Cady’s neck before pulling away. “It has to go in the fridge for a while, and then we’ll make cookies with it.”

“Oh,” Leo says.

“And in the meantime, you two little cookie monsters are gonna take a nap,” Cady hums, removing her apron and tenderly undoing the twins’. “It should be ready once you wake up.”

“Don’t want nap!” Layla yells.

“Hey,” Janis warns. “Inside voice.”

“No t’ank you nap!” Layla insists, crossing her arms over her chest. “No!”

“Layla Reese,” Cady says. “Jay, can you…”

Janis nods and takes Leo upstairs to get ready for her nap. Cady goes to Layla and gently taps her forehead to coax her to look at her.

“Good job saying no thank you,” Cady says. “But you need a nap, baby love. Aren’t you tired?”

“No!” Layla huffs, turning her head away with a pout.

“I can see by your body that you’re feeling upset,” Cady says gently. “Can you tell Mama about it?”

“Don’t want nap,” Layla sniffles. Cady pouts as she sees her wipe some tears away with a small hand.

“I know,” Cady murmurs. “You don’t have to take a nap if you don’t want to. You can just lie down in your crib for a while and relax. Take a break. That’s okay too.”

“Want stay wif you,” Layla whimpers. “‘N Mommy.”

“Oh,” Cady says gently. “You just don’t want to be all alone in your bed?” Layla nods. “Oh, baby, come here. You don’t have to nap by yourself. What if you nap in the big bed today?”

“You stay?” Layla asks quietly as Cady picks her up.

“Of course I’ll stay. Mommy and I will stay with you the whole time,” Cady says. “As long as you need us.”

“Okay,” Layla sniffles. Cady gently runs a hand through her baby’s dark hair and kisses her temple.

“Don’t cry, baby, you don’t need to be upset,” she murmurs.

“I sorry,” Layla whimpers. “Yellin’.”

“I forgive you, Ladybug,” Cady replies gently. “Poor thing, you must be feeling tired.”

“Upset.”

“And upset. Sometimes it’s hard to calm down when you haven’t had enough rest,” Cady agrees. “But you’re doing such a good job. Take some belly breaths, it’s okay.”

She starts the trek upstairs with a sniffly baby in her arms. Layla whimpers a little when she sees them enter her bedroom.

“Shh, sweetheart, we just need your blankie and Elmer,” Cady whispers. “Sissy is asleep, we need to be quiet so she doesn’t wake up.”

Layla quiets again when they leave, armed with her favorite blankie and stuffed elephant. Cady rests her in the middle of the big bed and tucks her in carefully before she slides under the duvet next to her. Layla isn’t quite ready to let her mama go and wriggles closer until she’s snuggled into her chest.

“I luh you, Mama,” she yawns. Cady grins and presses a kiss to her little forehead.

“I love you so much, my little Layla.”

Janis comes out of the bathroom to find the situation in the bed. She’s a little confused, but just shrugs and presses in against Layla’s back so their baby is safely sandwiched between her mothers.

Cady lies awake for a short while after Layla and Janis have drifted off. Sometimes she questions how well she’s actually doing at this whole mothering thing. But moments like this, where she gets to hold her sleeping little one close and know that she’s providing comfort and safety and love, are the moments that let her know she’s doing just fine.

—————

Cady also wakes up a few minutes before everyone else. Somehow, they all shifted positions in their sleep. She’s now lying on her back with the baby on top of her, lying on her belly, and Janis is pressed against her side with an arm resting protectively over the both of them. Cady smiles faintly and starts gently brushing her fingertips up and down Layla’s little back.

Janis wakes up next, pulling her arm back to rub her eyes as they open again. She yawns and gives a smile at seeing the situation she’s woken up to. Cady greets her with a kiss before Janis cuddles back into her shoulder to watch the baby sleep.

Layla continues snoozing for a while, giving the occasional twitch or quiet noise as she dreams. She wakes up gradually, bringing a hand up to rub her sleepy blue eyes. She looks up, as if checking that her mama kept her promises and stayed, and gets the most precious tired grin on her face when she sees she’s been cuddled and loved the whole time.

“Good morning, Ladybug,” Cady murmurs, gently combing through the baby’s bedhead. “Are you feeling better?”

Layla nods and yawns. “Not upset.”

“Good, I’m glad you’re not upset anymore,” Cady says. Janis inches down a little bit so her eye level is even with Layla. The little one giggles as she gets some good morning kisses from her mommy. “If you feel that way again, come get us, okay? Anytime you need some loves. Mommy and I will always give them.”

“Always,” Janis agrees, picking Layla up and holding her airplane style above her head. “Because you’re our only Layla Reese. We love you so much.”

“Luh you so much,” Layla retaliates, giggling heartily as Janis brings her in for some tickles. Cady smiles and steals some kisses from the both of them.

“Can I trust you two to go get everything ready for cookies while I go get Lolo up?”

“Yeah,” Janis and Layla nod at the same time.

“Good. Have fun,” Cady hums. Janis sneaks in to get Layla changed first before they go head downstairs to get set up. Cady heads over to Leo’s crib and peers down at her other baby.

Leo has a little arm wrapped around Georgie the giraffe as she’s deep in the throes of her nap. She’s choking him a little, but he doesn’t mind. Cady smiles lovingly and runs a gentle hand through Leo’s curls.

“Good morning, Bumblebee. It’s time to wake up,” she murmurs. “How was your nap?”

“Good,” Leo yawns.

“Good, I’m so glad. Did you have any dreams?” Cady asks as she picks her up for a quick cuddle. Leo nods as she nuzzles into her shoulder. “You did? What did you dream about?”

“D’eam ‘bout broccolis,” Leo says quietly. Cady can’t quite hold back a laugh.

“You dreamed about broccoli?”

“Yeah,” Leo says. Cady kisses her cheek and carries her over to get changed. Leo explains all the things she did with her broccoli friends in her dreams.

“Well, that sounds like fun,” Cady chuckles. “Lala and Mommy are already downstairs, should we go make some cookies?”

“Yeah!” Leo cheers, holding both arms over her head victoriously. Cady tickles her for a moment before picking her back up to carry her downstairs.

—————-

Once hands are cleaned and aprons put back on, the twins are sat side by side on the counter to do the next step. Cady preheats the oven while Janis unwraps the dough and starts rolling it out.

“Look at those muscles,” Cady purrs softly. “My big strong wife.”

Janis grins embarrassedly and kisses her. They keep it chaste in front of the little ones, even though they would both very much like to continue.

“What’s dat?” Layla asks, pointing to the cookie cutters Cady is holding.

“These are the cookie cutters,” Cady explains. “We use these to make shapes in the dough. So these cookies are gonna be people shaped, see?”

“Dis the foot?” Leo asks, tapping the metal with a little finger.

“Yep, that’s the feet,” Cady nods. “Where’s their arms?”

“Dere,” they say at the same time, each tapping a gingerbread arm.

“Good job. Are you ready, Mommy?”

“I think so,” Janis says. She pokes her tongue out as she gives one last pass over the dough with the rolling pin. “That should be thin enough.”

“Looks good to me,” Cady agrees with a nod. “Alright, munchkins, come here.”

Each of the babies hold a cookie cutter in their hands and await further instruction. Janis gently takes Leo’s to show them what to do.

“Pick a spot and set it on top,” she instructs. “And look inside to make sure the whoooole thing is cookie. Otherwise they might be missing a foot.” The twins giggle at that. “And then squish down really hard, and then wiggle it a bit… and then look!”

“A people!” Layla cheers as Janis removes the cutter and carefully scoops the little man out of the rest of the dough.

“Yep! Now it’s your turn,” Janis says. She hands back the cookie cutter and sets a twin on either side of the dough. “Have at it. But watch fingers.”

Cady and Janis cuddle and watch the twins happily cut out shapes. Some of them still end up missing limbs or even a head, and there’s a few with indents where they’ve tried to set the cookie cutters on top of each other. But that’s just what happens when you try to make cookies with toddlers.

“I think Leo is left handed,” Cady murmurs quietly, resting her head on her wife’s shoulder. “She always uses it. And Layla always goes for her right hand.”

“Could be. Maybe they’re mirror twins,” Janis says. “Reflections of each other.”

“Could be,” Cady agrees. “It’s cute, though.”

“That it is,” Janis chuckles. “But they’re cute all the time.”

“They’re just like you,” Cady grins, smiling up at her wife. “Just little.”

“I’m only letting you get away with this because you haven’t called me cute directly,” Janis retaliates, stealing a quick kiss from her wife before heading over to the little ones. “Good job, girls! I think that’s about all we can get out of this one, let’s get them onto the tray.”

“To bake?” Leo asks. Janis nods as she delicately scoops fragile gingerbread onto the tray.

“To bake. And then we get to decorate them!”

“An’ den eat!”

“And then we eat them!” Janis confirms with a laugh. “You guys get it.”

Cady rolls her eyes lovingly and pops the first tray into the oven.

—-

“Wha’s dis?” Layla asks, pointing to the flour on the counter. Cady takes a bit on her finger and swipes it over Layla’s little nose. Layla looks at her in surprise and giggles.

“It’s flour. It makes it so the dough doesn’t stick to the counter when we roll it out,” Cady says. “It just doesn’t taste very good.”

Leo curiously sticks a finger in it and tastes a bit anyway. “Blech.”

“I said it doesn’t taste good, goofy,” Cady giggles, tapping some onto Leo’s nose too. “Do you want to watch the cookies bake?”

“Yeah,” the twins nod. Janis removes the first tray and replaces it with a second one, turning the inside light on so the little ones can watch. Cady helps them off the counter and sits them side by side in front of it.

“They’re so sweet,” Cady murmurs to Janis. The twins are holding hands almost absentmindedly and watching intently as their creations bake. “Do you remember when we made that ornament? With the picture of us after you painted my belly?”

“Of course,” Janis replies. “Feels like a lifetime ago.”

“I don’t remember what life was like before them,” Cady whispers. “I didn’t think it was possible to love someone as much as I love you. Let alone two of them.”

“I didn’t either,” Janis hums, resting her cheek on top of Cady’s head. “Hard to believe those little gingerbread people I painted are… people, now. I blink and they get bigger.”

“I want it to stop,” Cady sighs. “Just for a while. Let them stay this way.”

“I do too. They’re so curious, now,” Janis says. “Get that from you. They definitely got your brains.”

“Yeah, they stole it from me,” Cady laughs. “I still have baby brain and they’re two years old.”

“You had plenty to begin with,” Janis chuckles. “Now you’re on par with the rest of us.”

“I guess it’s worth it,” Cady agrees with a giggle. “Our little cookie monsters.”

“The sweetest there ever were.”

—————

hope you enjoyed!! see you tomorrow!

[hobiwonder]

crazy rich asians | 01

Genre: Chaebol!BTS. maid!reader. Smut, fluff. mild angst.

Pairing: Jin x reader, Jimin x reader, Hoseok x reader, Yoongi x reader. Possible future pairings.

Warnings for this chapter: language. brief mention of oral sex. Kissing !!!

Words: 9k+

Summary: You overhear something you shouldn’t. Now some of the country’s most powerful - and rich - men would do anything to keep you quiet.

a/n: i turned it into a fic as requested!!! ngl…. am worried how people will receive this lol. This will be a short series. no major angst so don’t worry. i hope you guys like it bc i really enjoyed writing it. please let me know what you think n feed my motivation bubble so i dont take months to finish this ajdubejekbfjk.

This was odd. Jin’s eyebrows furrowed – which he was strongly against since premature wrinkles were one of his biggest fears. He was closer to thirty than twenty so his concerns were valid. Jimin almost never visited his childhood home ever since their father got engaged to the secretary – another cliché – a few months ago.

“Hm… what changed your mind little brother.” Jin mutters as he passes the sleek Mercedes that belongs to his younger brother. Nevertheless, he can’t help the sly smirk that fights his muscles and spreads across his porcelain skin. He couldn’t wait to rub it in Jimin’s face that he finally returned when his bank account dried out. Most likely.

The plethora of house staff greeting Jin as he walked along the indoor fountain, trying to acknowledge most of them. They had too many servants and it wasn’t Jin’s fault that he didn’t care about most of them. But it was hard when they all looked so sheepish like they had some wretched secret they were supposed to hide but failed.

“Good Afternoon Sir, what brings you here?” Jin’s long legs are no match for the shorter man who usually took care of everything in the manor so he’s a little breathless as he Jogs besides him.

“To my own house? Where I lived for 20 years?” This really was becoming a strange day.

“A-Ah no sir. I meant no disrespect just wanted to be prepared to accommodate you accordingly.”

“Okay,” This was officially starting to annoy him and the furrow in his forehead was getting deeper. He would not get wrinkles because his servant annoyed him in to it. “Alfred… Anders… Andrew. Whatever your name is, I don’t need to announce my arrival at my own home. On second thought, maybe I should.”

The idea is very appealing as he swirls the thought in his head and it’s enough to make him forget the butler’s calls as he enters Jimin’s private wing. He isn’t surprised though when he already hears faint moans but not of a woman for once. It’s undoubtedly Jimin which is again – peculiar because getting off himself wasn’t something Jimin liked to do if he had ‘several other women ready to do it for me’ if quoting him directly. He guesses there is only one way to find out as he approaches the living area, looking at the back of his head resting on the enormous lounge sofa.

“Well hello there brother!” His tongue doesn’t form anymore words when he can finally see Jimin in his line of view – and his father’s fiancé frantically buttoning her blouse to retain some of her dignity. Jimin on the other hand is taking his sweet time tucking himself inside his slacks – shaking his head in disbelief as if Jin’s caused him immense grief.

“…and Amber.” Jin is no stranger to walking in on his brother – or friends really – indulging in all sorts of debauchery but this – this was quite interesting and to put it simply, messy. “Well, well, well. Did you come back to sleep with our step-mother or actually missed your family, god forbid?”

Jimin is no more rattled than a sloth as he runs his hands through his silky golden hair and smacks Amber’s ass as she’s still fiddling with her blouse. “A bit of both.”

“I-I didn’t know you’d b-be back so quick Jin-ah.” Her pearly white teeth that his father paid way too much for are almost blinding him. Yeah he’s not that bored today to play along with her games so he opts for just a dry smile. This was no surprise to him. Especially when the first person she had a fling with in this household was, well, Jin himself.

“Clearly. Thankfully you know father won’t be home until late. Run along now. I’ve got to catch up with your son.” Okay, that one’s on him. He liked to rub it in her face.

“Step-son.” She’s positively seething and Jin couldn’t be more delighted.

“Ooh. Naughty aren’t you? I knew you were always in a bit of incest.”

Jimin’s snort and Amber’s scoff come at the same time but at least it makes her on her way, heels clicking as she’s strutting away.

“I gave the staff one job and they couldn’t even do that.” Jimin walks towards the liquor cabinet, pouring himself a whiskey at 12 in the afternoon – bringing a smile to his face. He did miss his little brother.

“To keep me from finding Amber swallowing your unborn children?

“Thank fuck for that. I’m not ever going to be ready for kids.”

“Understandable. Considering you are one.” Jin’s shit eating grin makes Jimin pour another glass which he drowns in a second too.

“Please tell me how many ‘kids’ you know who’re worth half a billion dollars?”

Not a trick question.

“Almost all of our friends? Plus, we’re brothers you maggot. And I’m worth more.” His stance widens as he splays his feet out in some sort of power pose.

“What now? You want us sword fighting?” Jimin’s glancing to his crotch before he continues, “I’ll win because somebody didn’t let me finish.” Yes, very evident from the hard tent in his slacks.

“No need to resort to unsanitary methods. Talking will do.” He’s waving his hand in dismissal, watching Jimin taking a seat opposite – absolutely no attempts at hiding his boner. “So, what brings you back? Thought you were up in the Bahamas getting tanned and toned and weren’t due back for a few more weeks?”

“Correct but that was until father announced his surprise engagement.” Jimin is on his third glass of whiskey but looks more sober than a priest.

“Is there anything he does these days that isn’t a surprise? I found out I was moving houses from the real estate agent for god’s sake.” That makes Jimin snort out a laugh.

“Christ. He’s a bastard isn’t he?” Jimin had been in boarding school still when Jin had been effectively moved out of the manor in to a skyscraper penthouse because his father had wanted to ‘relax by himself and no kids’. As if he raised them on his own.

“Yup. Turns out he just needed the house to be snitch-free to fuck his secretary/future step-mom.” Plus he was still going through the divorce with their mother.

“I can understand why.” Jimin’s closing his eyes, heading leaning back again as a sultry smile spreads on his youthful face as if he’s reminiscing an irreplaceable memory. “Amber can make you forget you own name.”

“Right?” Jin is letting his inner, less sophisticated horny teenager alter ego slip through as he agrees with his brother about what a good lay their step-mom is.

“You already tap that?” When Jin just winks in Jimin’s direction, he’s clapping and chuckling like he can’t believe it.

“You’re no better than me brother and please, don’t take that as an insult. No offense at all.”

“None taken.” For a moment Jimin truly feels slightly happier. Looking at his brother and remembering sitting across from him while they talked about everything when they were younger and thought they had a chance at becoming people different than their father or their whole family. He had everything. They both had everything. There wasn’t one thing that either of them lacked or desired. So needless to say, their lives were a little grey and lacked excitement. Money though. That never failed to give him a hard-on.

Seeing his brother also made him happy, sure.

“Remember when we were playing in father’s office that one time he left it unlocked?” Jimin continues when Jin nods slowly, “And remember when we were rummaging through the drawers we found a safe and tried to break into it before Anderson caught us?”

“I knew it! He looked like an Anders.” When Jimin just blankly stares at him he mutters an apology and tells him to continue.

“Anyway. I went back and broke in to the safe.”

“Of course you did,” Jin is rolling his eyes but not finding it surprising that his little brother, ever the inquisitive little cat, went back to do exactly what he was told to notdo.

“No, listen,” Jimin’s eyes are increasingly growing frantic as he shifts forward, abandoning his glass of whiskey and Jin knew that this was something juicy. “There were papers inside the safe. Granddad’s will. I made copies.”

“Wait, you told me there was a bunch of cocaine and ecstasy. Nothing else.” Jimin shrugs once again to ask what was his point.

“And?”

“And you stole the papers but not the drugs? My teenage self hates you so much right now.”

“And that poor bastard should be thankful I looked in to the papers otherwise you would become penniless. Very soon.”

What was Jimin trying to say. “Get to the point Jimin. What about Grandpa’s will?”

Jin’s palms were becoming sweaty and a little tick in his left leg had already started and was about to become a full blown restless leg syndrome like a pathetic little office worker worried about losing a promotion.

“Well,” Jimin is moving across the room to sit beside his older brother, turning his lithe body to the side facing him as he starts to explain. “Grandad’s will stated that we were to receive 10% of our inheritance every year starting at the age of 35. Unless father remarried.”

The mention of money always sped up Jin’s heartbeat. It raced in his chest like he was about to win the lottery. Maybe he was?

“What then… ?” Jimin’s Cheshire grin slowly lighting up his whole face was never a good sign. Until now apparently.

“If he remarried before we turned 35, we are to receive our inheritance. In full. At once.”

Jin really felt like his heart would beat out of his chest. Because that was a lot of money.

“That’s-”

“$10 billion.” There was a slight pause as Jimin eagerly awaited his brother’s reaction.

“I think I just had a powergasm.” Jimin is chuckling as he slaps Jin’s back, shaking his older brother out of joy as they both start to gradually laugh louder. Is this how supervillains felt? Jin’s never laughed like this before and it’s no surprise that it’s money that’s doing the trick. Poor people wouldn’t understand.

That’s when another realisation occurs. “That’s why he kicked me out of the house. Because he was going to get engaged and couldn’t risk us retaliating and finding this bit of information out.”

“Precisely big brother.”

“Fuck…. We’re going to be rich as fuck.”

“If he doesn’t figure out a way to get that clause crossed from the will.” Jimin seems a bit nervous for the first time since he had started talking.

But Jin wasn’t. Not when he had people on his side who would love to make some money as well. Well, more money. He wasn’t friends with poor people.

“Don’t worry about it. You still in contact with Taehyung?” Jimin looks at his older brother with a ‘duh’ face.

“You still have a dick?” Jin’s just rolling his eyes as he calls the first number under ‘Y’.

“What?”

“Hello to you too, Min. Say, you want to become rich?” Yoongi on the other end is snorting before he speaks with his signature lazy drawl.

“I’m already rich, you bitch. But I’m having a down day anyway. Tell me more.”

Jin is smirking towards his brother, his body is buzzing and this is the most excited he;s been a while.

“Meet at my place with the other boys. At 2. Lunch is on me.”

“Yes because I desperately need someone to shout me lunch.” He’s had enough of Yoongi’s sarcasm so he just hangs up.

“Well Jimin, lets go get our billions.” Jimin hands his older brother a glass of whiskey before they make a toast.

“Amen.” Jin furrows his brows again.

“You believe in god now?”

“After seeing Amber’s tits? Yeah.”

“Oh hello there. Eavesdropping were we?” A man is leaning against the wall behind you, hands in his pockets while he looks at you head to toe, two small dimples appearing when he grins rather…. cutely you might add.

“U-Uh, n-no?” The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago.

“Be careful next time little maid.” You hold in the scoff until he disappears inside the room.

“You guys have better discussed Amber’s ass and nothing else of importance because of the audience outside. The pretty little thing Anders hired.

“How does everyone know his name and not me? You don’t even live here Hoseok.” Jin’s scoffing while Jimin worries about the real problem.

“Fucking hell. The staff in this house is more loyal to our father than their own families. What do we do?”

“Leave that to me. Girls never kiss and tell when they’re with me.” with a wick, Hoseok is settling on the couch as well. “Just transfer me $50 million when you both get the money.”

Oh boy. Being rich was hard.

You were screwed. Or at least it looked like you were. Even though you'd been hired months ago - it was not usual to see the 'house Masters' (that's what Anders had called them anyway so you stuck with it). In fact you could count on one hand how many times you'd seen Kim Seokjin around the mansion. though he didn't live here so that wasn't too surprising at first but you did think that he would at least regularly visit his father. the numerous articles written about this family portrayed them as loyal as you can be to your own blood. What behind closed doors however, was a different story.

The eldest son rarely visited his father and his father, your employer, was even more of a rare sight around the Manor. In the three months you'd worked here, you'd seen Mr. Kim twice. And one of those times was when the annual Christmas dinner was hosted. But even for that, the youngest son, Jimin had not been present. So seeing the new face around the Manor today had confused you very much. But the way his perfectly sculpted features, luscious and shiny - oh god was it shiny - hair had told you that he belonged to this family. How close he was? You weren't sure. Until now.

Now that you'd been caught listening in to the scheming going behind the closed doors. He was the youngest son that was asked about a thousand times at the Christmas dinner and each time both, the father and the son, evaded the questions like experts. He was as handsome as the rest of the family so it didn't surprise you much when you found out his identity. Especially when the future house mistress had been lead in to the room by him, all smiles and charming demeanour. You'd naively thought that the step-mother and son - though she looked too good for her age as all rich people did - had quite a close relationship even though this was the first time you were seeing Master Jimin home. Until the moaning had sounded obnoxiously out in the hallway. Anders had tried his best to get to be anywhere other than cleaning the massive hallway that all the rooms connected to but in the end, you'd gravitated towards the noises. Knowing it was wrong for you to listen but not being able to help yourself. The young master's voice was so melodic, so serene, you were almost forgetting that the said noises weren't as innocent as the emotions they were evoking in you.

Your heart had sped up and your fingers had tugged down your uniform subconsciously at the erotic noises emitting from the room. Imagining yourself to be on the giving end of the scenario playing out in the room. But your fantasies had been broken when you'd hear Anders and Mr. Kim's older son's booming voice coming down the hallway. Quickly ducking back in to one of the rooms you were supposed to start dusting in, you'd only caught glimpse of the incredibly handsome Kim Seokjin reprimanding Anders for making him feel unwelcome in his own home. Though you felt for the poor old man. He was nice and looked after you more than you had expected. And the amount of work he had to see through was incredible and you were amazed at how he never failed to complete each and every one of his tasks. Except keeping Mr. Kim out of the young master's room that is. You'd heard the cheeky tone in Jimin's voice when he'd asked Anders to make sure that no one disturbs them. You'd thought stupidly that maybe they wanted to spend quality time with each other since Jimin was back home after a long time. And they spent quality time alright. The noises were a testament to that.

You were suddenly feeling the nervous butterflies in your stomach at the prospect of Jimin being found out by his older brother. And with his step mother no less. Like youwere the one doing something that scandalous. Craning your neck you'd tried to hear, maybe yelling? You'd assumed - wrongly, again - that the older master Kim would be horrified at finding out the debauchery going on inside the room but all you'd seen was a ruffled Amber - you think that's her name from the moans at least - and then joyous laughter which could only mean the brothers meeting. Rich people were bizarre. Did they not have any morals? Nothing settling uneasy in their conscience?

Not that you were any better because you were plainly eavesdropping and that was not how your mother raised you. Though she didn't raise you that much at all in all honesty. But she was quick to correct your mishaps or seemingly 'dishonest' activities. That was all she did really. Mostly your grandmother raised you until you were kicked out at the ripe age of 18 by your mother to 'find your own way' like her crack addicted self told you. She preached but never practiced her own self-righteous attitude more than when she needed to keep you under control. Though your visit down the memory lane is interrupted when your ears catch on to what the two men inside were talking about. The words 'cocaine' catch your attention - it was your mother's favourite at one point. Listening on further was just pure coincidence. But boy oh boy. What were you hearing? Were they going to possibly.... hurt someone for even more money? How much more could they want? They already had enough of it. You didn't realise the pout that had been on your face while you listened to the two brother calling a friend for some 'help'.

Not until someone was clearing their throat behind you, damn near making you knock your head against the wall you had been absentmindedly wiping for the hundredth time. Initially - for the millisecond of the reaction time you had available - you thought Anders would be the one to catch you and for some reason, you weren't as scared. Hence the sheepish smile on your face when you turn around to face whoever it was that had caught you so blatantly trying to listen to whatever was happening. Though your smile - as well as your heart - drops instantly when you see an unfamiliar face in front of you, yet again. And once again - the stranger is handsome, incredibly so. In fact, the toothy grin he's beaming your way is nearly blinding. His white teeth - definitely not natural, though you wouldn't be surprised if they were - smiling up at you as he leant against the wall besides you. How did you not hear him? His body was lithe and somehow you're not surprised that he snuck up on you so easily. Nonetheless, he did and you were in major trouble. He was good-looking enough for you to figure out that he probably belonged in the two master's circle.

“Oh hello there. Eavesdropping were we?” The man is leaning against the wall behind you, hands in his pockets while he looks at you head to toe, two small dimples appearing when he grins rather…. cutely you might add.

“U-Uh, n-no?” The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago.

"No! Uh I mean. N-No... that's what I mean." You're hoping the desperation in your eyes gives him a hint that you rather not get in to trouble.

“Be careful next time little maid.” His smirk doesn't dissolve. In fact, it seems to get wider. Most likely being able to tell how hard you're trying to make it seem like you were doing the right thing. Definitely not eavesdropping. The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago. Still watching you.

But alas, your mind malfunctions and the only thing you can think of is to get out of there. Too many good looking men you've seen to last you a decade. You're scurrying away back to the room you were originally supposed to be in and you can hear his chuckle even as you go further down the hallway to the room.

Slumping against the wall, your hand clutches just above where your heart should be. You were sofired. There was no way that whoever this was would not mention you lurking outside the room. Who was he anyway? Oh well, not that you would get to find out because you were stupidly caught eavesdropping. Eavesdropping! How cliché. It was impossible to focus on your work knowing that you will be in immense trouble. Pacing back and forth, rehearsing excuses and explanations to give Anders on why you were outside of your given area. And caught by a guest no less. From what you'd gathered about the older Kim son - he couldn't care less about your presence in the house.

One time he'd come in the living area, stayed for over two hours without acknowledging that you were even in the room. In fact, when Anders had called out to you to return to lend a hand at the kitchen is when he'd looked up at you as if it was the first time he was hearing a name that wasn't his own. Even then, he'd only looked at you for a mere few seconds before going back to the book he'd been reading.

But the newcomer - or old you guess, you'd only just started working after all - you weren't sure how he'd react to finding out your roaming outside his room. Surely, he would be just as aloof and uncaring of a mere maid as you, right? Maybe not if the handsome stranger told him about how well you'd been listening to the conversation inside. Oh lord. This was the only job that paid enough for you to send home and also keep a roof over your head. What were you going to do? You minded your own business but the one day curiosity got you was when you've been caught. Just your luck. Your mother was right. Your curiosity will be your end. And seems like it will be now as well judging from the sound of the doors opening from the young master's suite and several pairs of footsteps coming towards the room you were in.

Your limbs moving like lightning, making sure each and every one of the vases was picked up and dusted through thoroughly - it's obvious you're trying to look as occupied as possible. A few seconds later, the footsteps stop right outside the room you're in and your heart might as well have stopped pumping blood through your body as well with the way your temperature drops from the impending doom. Had they told on you already? Was Anders also outside the door? If he was alone you could've tried to weasel your way out of such a mishap but you doubt the you could even let out a squeak between the three intimidating men.

To your demise, when the men enter the room - Anders is nowhere to be found. The two brothers and the third stranger who had caught you stand in the doorway looking all too.... nerve-racking (for you). Instantly you know that theyknow how nervous you are. Nervous of losing the only source of income that was enough to sustain you. The older of the two brothers is looking at you up and down, slowly and calculating. Like it's the first time he's seeing you. Someone like you at least. Some who wasn't at the same calibre as he. Even his gaze makes you feel poor. Inferior.

Thought it doesn't seem to be intentional. He was inspecting you like you were an enigma when in reality he was the one clad in all sorts of bling you were sure you would only see in the movies. Being so focused and aware of Seokjin, you'd almost forgotten about the two other men in the room. While the stranger leant against the wall like he had earlier, Jimin had taken a seat on the large sofa a few meters away from you. Crossing his, muscular you might add, thighs. Getting comfortable with one of his arms splayed on the back of the cushions while the other rested on the hand rest - completely at ease. The exact opposite of you. While Seokjin was all curious eyes, Jimin seemed to be looking at you with sly eyes, blatantly checking out your frumpy uniform and the duster in your hand. The smirk you'd seen in the morning still ever present on his face.

Never having been in a room with an attractive man such as Seokjin himself - let alone three - you're about ready to faint.

"Are you boys going to start or shall I?" The stranger spoke first. Voice breezy like they were about to have a conversation about the weather with you.

your eyes must still be opened wide when Jimin speaks up. "Relax Hoseok hyung, let the girl breathe first. You okay sweetheart?"

His saccharine sweet tone instantly soothes some of the nerves and the smile he sends your way, the wrinkles appearing around his round eyes making you feel all warm inside.

"U-Uh, wh-what? Oh I-I'm-" The elder cuts you off however. Seemingly not being able for you to finish up your stuttering. Hm, he definitely wasn't as nice as the other two.

"Anyway, what were you doing outside master Jimin's wing, little one?" The nickname makes your face redder than it was, feeling your blood rush in your head suddenly. Never did you think that the sons of your employer would actually refer to themselves as 'master'. You definitely guessed wrong. At least Jimin hadn't. You reallydid like him better even if he was about to fire you.

And guess what you do next? Sabotage yourself even further of course. Your mouth has no filter when you're nervous because the words come stumbling out before you can stop yourself.

"I heard your plan to get money from your dad!" The words almost sound like a really long, poorly pronounced word. A breath leaves you in a rush like you' been holding it in for a while after your word vomit. "Or w-well I guess.... m-more money."

The last words are whispered almost to yourself but the way the men are now widening their eyes at you - you know they heard every word.

"Excuse me?" The handsome stranger - Hoseok, now you know - fills the defining silence with the most endearing laughter you've heard in your small life-time just as Seokjin's incredulous tone has you shrinking back in to yourself.

"And what do you suppose... you will do with that information, hm?" Jimin slowly gets up from his place on the couch, straitening his dress pants. The Cheshire smirk still upturning the corners of his mouth as he stalks towards you. Slow, with purpose, to undoubtedly make you more nervous than you were feeling surrounded by him and his older brother standing adjacent to you.

"I-I... I won't say a-anything." You're taking a deep breath before you say the next words - gathering all the courage that you were able to. About to do something you never dreamed you would have to. "If you don't f-fire me."

Even though you are outright blackmailing these chaebol brothers and with a witness present, you can't help the frown creasing your forehead at your unethical actions. Who were you blackmailing people that can probably have your existence removed from this earth?! They certainly had enough money for it.

"And if we do fire you, little one?" The screech that leaves your throat at the unexpected closeness of Seokjin as he leans his head down. Close enough that you instinctively take a step back as his deep coal orbs bore in to yours - challenging you to respond.

"I-I-I um," you gulp, looking anywhere but his intense eyes that won't let you breathe. "I'll tell y-your father!"

Your reply is defiant but nowhere near as threatening as you'd wanted it to be. In all honesty, you just want to keep your job. Seokjin's eyebrows shoot upwards at your feigned bravery and the bold claim. How would you even get in touch with his father?

You'd only ever seen him from a distance in person. Here's to hoping they don't call you on your bluff.

"Oh will you now?" His head tilts almost menacingly, still staring right down at you. The arms that come around to wrap themselves around you are purely in instinct. You were out of your depth here and desperately hoping they'd forget about this and ignore you. You were a mere house staff and a very lowly one at that.

Surely they won't fall to your words. This was stupid and you were doomed. You're about ready to apologies when Jimin speaks making your head snap towards him.

"Calm down, brother." His smile is then directed at you. "What's your name darling?"

"Y-Y/n." Your brain was on auto-pilot and you just wanted to be out of trouble.

"Well, y/n, don't worry." Jimin is close enough that you can smell his cologne. It smells heavenly and you almost want to sniff as much as you can to take in the smell while it's there. "Our mouths are barred," head leaning down just as Seokjin had been earlier, "as long as yours is."

Jimin was smooth. Slick and smooth with his hypnotic eyes, euphonious voice and tranquil words making sure you were listening. Comprehending every word. You're nodding along with him - actions a little quivery. Until another thought pops up in your head.

"W-What if h-he dobs me in?" Your head gestures towards Hoseok's animatedly in your nervous state. Completely missing the chuckle that sounds from the accused.

Jimin is biting his bottom lip, holding himself back from flat out laughing in your face probably.

"Don't you worry, sweetheart. We're all bounded in this contract. Deal?" He's nodding at you, prompting you to nod your understanding as well.

Seokjin is still scrutinising you, stepping back now that Jimin had taken over. You glance in Jimin's eyes before nodding once again - much more firmly.

"Excellent. Shall we seal this deal?" He looks around to Hoseok who just gestures with his hand 'as you wish' with a grin similar to Jimin's. It's like they're all communicating in some symbolic language that goes above your head. Seokjin doesn't respond but now stand besides Jimin.

When Jimin is looking back at you, a singular eyebrow raised - you nod as well. "O-Okay."

Hastily, you're wiping your clammy hands on your uniform to bring it forward and shake his hand. That's what he meant right?

The golden haired boy only smirks at your outstretched hand as his gaze falls back to your reluctant face. Your nerves are settling slightly when his arm is making its way to you as well - thanking god above that this was going to be over soon.

Until the said hands bypasses yours waiting to shake his and settles on the wall beside your head and your own eyes watch its descent. Before you can ask any questions or even make sense of what's happening, your head is tilted backwards slightly when a pair of voluptuous lips take their residence on your own. The noise of surprise leaving the back of your throat is the only other heard in the otherwise quiet room. Your hand instinctively going to grab at the arms caging you between them.

Jimin's kiss is all consuming, his lips gently sucking yours in the most unwavering embrace. Embrace is a bit of a stretch. While one hand had squashed any hopes of your escape, the other made it impossible as it held on to your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb as his tongue swiped over your lips. A whimper leaves your mouth when he does so and only a few seconds later, Jimin is pulling away with a wet 'pop' of his lips. His petal soft ones are moist and gently coloured with a natural deep pink.

You're barely breathing, eyes half closed when Hoseok has stepped besides the smirking Jimin.

"What a-"

"We're sealing it with a kiss, Darling. All of us." You felt like you were going to faint. Kissing one of them was this taxing - in the best way with the way the butterflies were going haywire in your tummy - how were you going to kiss all threeof them?

"I- Okay." You sound defeated and overwhelmed but ready to have someone fill the void that was left when Jimin stopped kissing you.

Hoseok has taken Jimin's place, swiftly pushing his head closer to yours, nuzzling your nose with his - an oddly intimate act - before his soft lips push against yours. Your arms have found their way to the top of his chest purely on instinct once more. Needing to hold on to something so your weak knees don't give out beneath you.

His kiss is more delicate than Jimin's. Much softer. Until he pulls back for the first time of course. Only to crash his mouth on to yours with a ferocity you were not expecting. Your hands are itching to tug on the silky strands of his hair but you resist. You're not sure if you should even kiss him back. What were you doing? Kissing strangers. It was a little too late to think about that anyway because there was no plausible reason you could think of at the moment to stopkissing him back.

"That's enough hyung. Let her breathe." Jimin's impish chuckle sounds from the room somewhere just as Hoseok's touch gets dangerously close to the curvature of your breasts.

He breaks away with a dramatic 'chu' as his lips part from yours. Sparkling from how shiny they were from your combined saliva. Jimin was right. You really needed to breathe before you fainted - especially with the way your knees wobbled, trying your best to rest against the wall behind you. Hoseok's eyes are still staring raptly at you, the knowing smirk still ever present. It briefly slips down to your heaving chest and even though the uniform was virtually shapeless - you felt almost naked under his scrutiny.

Evidently, your cheeks are reddening even further as he steps back, your heart skipping several beats and blood pressure spiking shortly after when you realise who was next - Kim Seokjin. Somehow, you'd expected the state of subtle arousal to dissipate to a certain degree. The substantial dislike you'd acquired for his tone whenever addressing you had been pushed to the side as he took his place in front of you. Your eyes lock, heart stopingly striking features making you breathless once again.

He, undoubtedly, intimidated you the most out of all of them. Eyes flicking back and forth between the other men and Seokjin, you're trying not to get nervous with each second that passes. Hoseok had not waited long enough to let the panic rise from deep down and you were thankful for that. Because nervous you was not appropriate. Not at all. But then again nothing about kissing your boss's sons and their friends was appropriate. You were way past that point. He places his hand besides your head, just as the other two had done. Bracing your hands behind you on the wall, you're ready for him to steal your breath away.

What you weren't expecting was the gentle press of lips against your cheek. A surprised gasp leaves past your - very lonely - lips. Trying to hide the disappointment that's trying to claw its way on to your face, you stay very still like moving even just an inch might be catastrophic for you. Just as soon as he kissed you, he's pulling away. You hadn't noticed his other hand that had been just shy of holding your waist - hovering besides it like he was uncertain. Which was a crazy thought to you.

"Nowit's a deal." Jimin speaks up from behind Seokjin. Seokjin's broad shoulders had almost completely blocked your view of the other two men in the room that you had momentarily forgotten about them.

Seokjin moves away just as fast as his little peck on your cheek. Which makes you wonder if you were that indigent to him, this unappealing, that he'd resorted to a little peck on your cheek. This was ridiculous on its own because your perception of reality was so skewed considering the events that had transpired in the past hour. A few hours ago you were getting ready to do your weekly thorough cleaning of the vast left wing - now you were internally pouting at not receiving a kiss from one of the three most handsome men you'd ever laid your eyes on. Not to forget - two out of three were your employers.

The realisation is enough to jolt you out of your thoughts and speculations, looking around at all of them. "I should go."

Your words are shaky, rightfully so with how much physical intimacy you received in the last hour than the last month. Neither of the three men stop surveying your tremulous tip-toeing towards the door, trying to get out of the stifling room that was feeling too small with all the bodies occupying it.

They don't stop you when you're fumbling with the golden doorknob, finally pulling open the door. Though why would this day get any easier for you, right? And what had you done in your previous life to deserve this.... predicament. Standing in front of you, was another man. That's right. Another one. Beautiful, incredibly so. He seems to be just as tall as Jimin, ivory skin with a healthy amount of flush.

"Well, hello... maid." His deep - puzzled voice sends shivers down your spine as you stare Bambi eyed at him. Why were all these men so, comically handsome? He looks just as puzzled as he sounds.

"Ah! Perfect timing Yoongi hyung." The loud, boisterous voice startles you once again, whipping around to face Hoseok while Jimin walks towards the newcomer.

"Is the another one of your role-play threesomes Jimin? Poor thing looks like she's going to cry. Unless you're a professional actress?"

The last question is directed at you as he looks into your eyes, his own lovely face frowning as he inspects your uniform. Before you can answer though, Seokjin is scoffing, taking a seat on the couch once again with the drink in his hand that he'd been pouring earlier.

"Please, I wouldn't be here if that were true. Come, have a seat. She won't cry." He waves his dismissal of you and once again - your face is heating. This time in irritation.

Yoongi just shrugs, eyes still watching you as he sits beside a lounging Seokjin who offers him a drink. "So, what's the little maid doing here?"

Jimin is smirking again as he looks towards his older brother. "Let me explain." he offers.

"Make my friend a drink, little one."

"Pardon?" Seokjin sighs, as if being greatly inconvenienced that he has to elaborate.

"Just because you got a few kisses from us doesn't relieve you of your duties, yes?" His narrowed eyes are condescending but you can't say anything. Because he was right. You were still a maid at their house despite the little stunt they pulled earlier (you were complicit).

"Y-Yes. Of course." Eyes downcast as you make your way to the liquor cabinet, taking out the bottle that Seokjin had previously to pour himself one.

"Wait, you guys kissed your maid?" Yoongi's unbelievable laugh makes the blood rush back in to your cheeks. They were discussing you like you weren't there and it was embarrassing to say the least. Though they definitely out-ranked you on the power spectrum so you doubt they really cared much about your input.

"It was a transaction, nothing much of it."

"Talk about yourself, mine was definitely more than that." Jimin is scoffing but you still hear the smirk in his voice. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

You know he's talking to you even if he doesn't know your name yet but you resist the urge to turn around, already too embarrassed at how easily you'd given in to their advances. Wiping your hands down on your uniform again to get rid of the sweat that's been accumulating, you carefully hold the heavy liquor glass. Hoping that it doesn't slip from your clammy hands otherwise you were in a lot more trouble than before.

Hands slightly shaking, you stop right before you reach the couch, bending forward to hand the newest face his glass of whiskey. You hadn't noticed before but all 4 of them had been watching you. Carefully examining your composure and the nervousness pouring off of your frame as you tried to keep your eyes on the glass. You make the mistake of glancing up at Yoongi and almost drop the glass like you'd been trying to avoid. Thankfully, he mercifully takes it from you - eyes still watching as he takes a sip.

"Sorry! Sorry..."

"That's okay little one. What's your name?"

"Wait yeah. we never asked her name." Hoseok muses from the opposite couch he's sitting on and Yoongi scoffs at them all again. But they did? Did they really forget my name already?

"Really now?" He's shaking his head mumbling 'egocentric fools' before his eyes turn back to you. "Go on."

Taking a deep breath. Wondering if you should give your real name or a fake one this time in case they try to have you fired when you're gone. You decide to be brave and tell them your name. Again.

"Y/n." No stuttering, thank god.

"How long have you been working here y/n? I would remember a pretty face like yours." Yoongi's tone is light, not flirty like his words suggested. He seemed like a person who just talked this way - complimenting people he deemed worthy of them.

"Three- Three and a half months now." Your voice gets quieter the longer your sentence goes on. The blush on your face is now permanent because of how intently all of them seem to be looking at you. you also need to fight the urge to shuffle your feet around like you were on trial for something bad you did and they were the judge and the jury. In a sense you guess that they were because you wouldn't be here otherwise.

"Hm. Somehow I'm seeing you for the first time today." You bite you tongue, wincing lightly at your own strength but you had to. Otherwise you would go on a tangent about how he really rarely looked at the staff in his own home. Seokjin just annoyed you! Biting on your lip - a nervous habit - you contemplate whether you should ask if you can go.

You were soclose before.

"Please, hyung. You would've if you stopped admiring yourself every chance you got." Jimin mocks his older brother.

"Not my fault I look like this." Seokjin is gesturing to himself like it's a great burden being that good looking. Then again you don't know. It could be.

"Settle down children." Yoongi rolls his eyes at the two brother bickering, checking his gold toned Rolex before speaking again, "so, what's this scheme I’ve been summoned for? Spit it out."

"That'll be all y/n." Jimin's charming smile is directed at you all of a sudden when Yoongi mentions the dreaded plan that you'd overheard. Nonetheless, the way your name slips off his tongue sends a small shiver down your spine, nodding at him before staggering towards the door.

"Don't forget our deal, little one." You can hear Hoseok snickering when Jimin calls out behind your retrieving figure.

Knees almost knocking into each other when you're outside the room, you let out the biggest breath that you were once again, unwarily holding. What had you gotten yourself in to?

Everything was coming crashing down onto your psyche. The gravity of the situation was settling on you and you could feel the hyperventilation lurking nearby. These were not just normal everyday people who happen to have more money than you. The Kim family was affluent and prominent. They didn't follow the normal dynamics of society like all the other wealthy and rich in this country. They made the rules that they wantedto follow. Remembering the incident from when you'd just started working here, you could feel your heart drop down to your toes.

It was your second week on the job and your timorous nature was taking a back seat slowly - getting a hang of your duties. Anders was kind and let you settle in and perhaps because you were just as old as his granddaughter he'd told you about. Minhyuk - another staff member that you'd seen around the Manor and quite honestly developed a small crush on - had been showing you the east wing and what your duties included. You didn't have much to do there as it was Mr Kim's quarters, including his study and office where he worked once in a while. Not everyone had access to that area of the house and you figured it was because of his work. maybe he was really particular about the way things were done. You just didn't think much of it.

"You will always be given your schedule of the type and duration of cleaning required the day before when it comes to Master Kim's rooms so please take note of that."

He smiles sweetly as he shows you around. The notepad in your hand, you're diligently taking notes because you did not want to risk leaving all of this new information to your forgetful nature. You swear you hear him mumble 'cute' when he's watching you but the sound of heels clicking on the marble floors distract you both. When you look up - your jaw is almost dropping to the floor. You's seen Mr Kim's partner a fair few times - on the news that is. In person she was even more... unreal. Tall, thin with equally bright and big bone structure. It didn't phase you when you learnt that she was indeed - a model.

"Good morning Am- Ms King!" Her pearly whites make a small appearance before she curls her lips in an almost sensual smile.

"Good morning Minhyuk. Who is this?" She doesn't spare you a glance when she questions, fingers lingering on his shoulder as she leans in a little close to him.

The blush lettering Minhyuk's cheek tells you that this isn't the first time she's been this close to him. He introduces you as the newest staff addition but she doesn't seem to be listening. What she does though is start to question him about his weekend. Making him almost forget that you're there. What does capture your attention meanwhile is the slight rustle - as if someone had walked away from around the corner. You're only able to catch the colour black and a suit comes to mind automatically.

"Everything alright y/n?" Minhyuk's voice makes you whip your head around back to him and you catch Ms King watching you as well.

"I-I just thought I saw someone." Ms King frowns at that.

"That must be Ryuk. Excuse me." She just smiles - one that doesn't reach her eyes as she steps away. Ryuk?

Sensing your confusion, Minhyuk answers your unanswered question. "That's Mr. Kim. His first name is Ryuk. Weird right?"

You just chuckle along with him - completely missing the underlying panicked tone. He continues the tour but after your run-in with Mr Kim's fiancé, he seems to be on edge.

The next day at work - Minhyuk is nowhere to be seen. Not the next day either. Then never again. A month later - you receive your new duties in the east wing. Minhyuk's designated area.

"Excuse me sir," Anders looks up from the sheets of paper he'd been handing out to the rest of the staff, "Isn't it M-Minhyuk's area? Am I temporarily-"

He doesn't let you finish. "He doesn't work here anymore dear. These will be your permanent duties until further notice."

Your heart clenches at his direct tone. He only spoke like this to you on your first day at work. He doesn't elaborate any further and you get the hint to not further question the change in staff.

You don't see Minhyuk again.

How were you so asinine that you didn't connect the dots before? Minhyuk's panic as he'd shown you to your duties after Mr Kim had possibly seen you three chatting with his Fiancé, him getting replaced - fired? - with you. He was simply removed from the Manor and you'd never heard his name from any of the other staff members either. It's like he never worked there. You were rapidly fading down the doomed rabbit hole. Already thinking of about a hundred ways Mr Kim's sons could have you disposed of. Maybe you were thinking too much? Not possible. With this family, anything was possible.

The tear that falls down your face has you bringing your cold hand up to your hot cheeks. Foolishly, you've forgotten to go much further away from the room you'd exited from. The panic clouding your senses as you fished for your phone from your pocket, hastily dialling your grandmother's house phone.

A few rings later, you hear your mother's annoyed tone. "H-hello Mama."

Her tone turns sickly sweet, dishonest you know but you try to trick your heart and your brain in to believing her concern. "Hi dear! Haven't heard from you in so long. Are you not at work?"

Her tone turns serious and worried instantly at the prospect of you not being at work. You also want to tell her that you called every two days after work but she never wanted to speak to you unless it was payday. But that doesn't hurt you nearly as much as her not even being remotely entered in your wellbeing.

"I am at work. Could you... could you put Nana on the phone please?"

"Um. Okay." That's it. your voice is cracking and you know she can hear you but she doesn't care enough to ask.

"Hello? y/n?"

"Nana." whimpering, you try to not burst out crying. Keeping the intense emotions at bay.

"What's wrong dear? Are you alright?" Hearing her perturbed tone at your distressed one only makes the tears fall quicker, making you slap them away so they don't blur your vision completely.

"Nana... I might be in trouble. I-I might get..." fired. You couldn't say it. Once you let her know you were a hundred percent sure your mother would be incessant in having her spill the bad news. She would make your grandmother's life hell and you couldn't do that to her. Your mother needed the steady money to keep her in rehab. You had hopes that since she was at least going to rehab - that one day she could be a good mother to you.

"What dear? You can tell me y/n." Pushing your hand over your mouth, you try and swallow the sob before it passes through the phone. Though you could already hear your mother asking your Nana what was going on.

"Be quiet Elizabeth! I'll tell you."

"I-I'm okay. I just miss you." You could do this. your grandmother didn't deserve this. No one deserved this just because you made a foolish mistake and you hope she doesn't question you further.

"We miss you too dear. So much. Will you be able to visit soon? Let her get back to work Ma." Your mother sounded angry and you wanted to scream at her through the phone that at least your grandmother cared.

"I'll let you know. I have to go now Nana. I love you."

"I love you too darling. So much." She stays on the line for a few more moments. Making sure you didn't want to say anything else.

Dropping your head down in your lap - you let the last few stray tears fall, trying to stay as quiet as possible. You needed to pull it together. Your family was counting on you to keep this job and you were going to fight for it. Even if you were several outnumbered. You had their secret and that should count for something, right? As long as you appeared strong in front of them - maybe they'll leave you alone.

Dusting off your uniform, wiping away at your face and checking it in the nearest grand mirror on the wall - you get to work. You still had a job.

What you domiss though, is the man who had witnessed your panicked tears. He hadn't expected himself to be this affected but the way his heart clenched and his hands curled into fists at your disturbed state - he'd never wanted to comfort someone this badly. Empathy. A foreign emotion indeed.

[scintfms]

           hi  kids  !  wow  ,  we’re  already  at  opening  and  that’s  so  crazy  !  i’m  kofi  ,  your  co - admin  ,  and  i’m  so  excited  that  you  guys  are  here  !  i’m  23  ,  from  the  est  tz  ,  prefer  she / they  pronouns  and  i  graduate  from  college  in  a  little  more  than  seven  months  ...  yikes  .  that  being  said  ,  i’m  ready  to  introduce  you  guys  to  my  latest  muse  ,  who  may  have  huge  development  changes  as  we  go  on  because  of  him  being  brand  new  ,  mr  .  saint  moon  !  he’s  um  ...  something  of  a  mess  and  idk  if  i  love  or  hate  him  yet  ,  but  i’m  happy  to  plot  with  ya’ll  on  my  d.iscord  @  𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐜𝐲.#4090  !

            (  lee  juyeon ,  22  ,  cis  male  ,  he / him  )  *  fun  fact  about  me  ?  okay  ,  let’s  see  .  .  .   an  injury  stopped  my  promising  olympic  career  .  crazy  ,  right  ?  i’m  saint  moon  ,  i  live  in  the  contemporary  new  build  with  a  three  thousand  square  foot  outdoor  patio  on  ocean  lane  in  key  biscayne  , &  not  to  brag  ,  but  my  family’s  worth  around  $740  million  .  pretty  decent  for  real  estate  and  construction  developers  ,  huh  ?  we’ve  been  around  for  some  time  ,  but  in  town  ,  everyone’s  always  associated  me  with  the  gatsbys  ;  but  it’s  not  like  that’s  my  whole  identity  ,  or  anything  .  while  filming  for  key  biscayne  ,  it  was  surprising  when  i’d  get  dragged  on  twitter  for  being  “  errant  ,  impetuous  ,  &  rancorous  ,   ”  but  the  cameras  don’t  see  everything  ,  &  my  real  fans  know  that  i’m  nothing  but  coolheaded  ,  venturesome  ,  &  enamoring  .  i’m  not  too  bothered  by  it  though  ,  because  since  the  series  ended  ,  i’ve  opened  a  highly  successful  café  in  south  korea  and  planning  to  expand  to  the  states  .  follow  me  on  instagram  @SNT.MN  to  keep  up  . 

name  :  saint  moon  .

nickname(s)  :  none  .

age  +  date  of  birth  :  22  +  july  19th  ,  1998  .

astrological  sign  :  cancer  .

myers - briggs  personality  type  :  infj  .

enneagram  type  :  the  individualist  .

moral  alignment  :  chaotic  neutral  .

gender  +  pronouns  :  cis  man  +  he / him / his  .

place  of  birth  :  gangnam  ,  south  korea  .

place  of  residence  :  key  biscayne  ,  florida  .

sexual  orientation  :  bisexual  .

romantic  orientation  :  biromantic  .

occupation  :  former  reality  star  /  instagram  influencer  /  café  owner  .

nationality  :  korean  .

ethnicity  :  korean  .

language(s)  spoken  :  korean  ,  english  ,  japanese  ,  and  learning  mandarin  .

social  media  handle  :  @SNT.MN

THE  BACKSTORY  .

            saint’s  story  starts  when  his  parents  ,  moon  ji - ho  and  park  soo - ah  went  on  their  first  date  .  in  truth  ,  it  had  been  a  rare  instance  of  love  at  first  sight  when  they  bumped  into  each  other  at  ji - ho’s  office  in  seoul  ,  and  the  date  was  only  used  to  solidify  their  feelings  .  you  see  ,  ji - ho  and  soo - ah  were  fairly  well  known  with  ji - ho  being  the  second  heir  to  moon  industries  alongside  his  sister  ,  moon  eun -  ha  .  moon  industries  was  founded  in  the  1940s  ,  and  is  known  primarily  for  their  real  estate  and  construction  business  .  the  company  was  founded  in  seoul  ,  and  originally  started  out  by  purchasing  and  renovating  beautiful  homes  and  condominiums  within  the  city  .  after  thirty  years  in  the  business  ,  ji - ho  and  eun - ha’s  father  was  one  of  the  first  in  south  korea  to  reach  the  status  of  billionaire  .

            ji - ho  and  soo -ah  were  looking  to  forge  their  own  path  ,  though  .  although  they  were  lucky  enough  to  have  wealthy  parents  ,  both  of  them  have  always  liked  the  idea  of  working  for  themselves  and  getting  their  hands  dirty  .  so  ,  they  refused  ji - ho’s  father’s  investment  and  decided  to  start  their  own  real  estate  firm  .  they  went  through  the  process  of  obtaining  their  real  estate  license  in  both  south  korea  and  the  united  states  ,  specifically in  florida  .  after  studying  hard  ,  they  were  able  to  open  moon  real  estate  ,  and  it  was  a  hassle  for  them  .  they  initially  ‘ struggled ’  seeing  as  though  they  were  their  only  employees  ,  and  soon  ,  soo - ah  discovered  that  she  was  pregnant  with  their  son  .

            for  four  years  ,  they  worked  hard  with  their  bumbling  baby  boy  ,  saint  ,  crawling  at  their  feet  and  curiously  looking  at  home  or  building  buyers  .  for  a  long  time  ,  they  considered  saint  to  be  their  closer  as  he  was  the  selling  point  and  allowed  people  to  hold  him  while  looking  at  the  home  .  usually  ,  soo - ah  would  use  saint  as  a  marketing  ploy  whenever  they  were  trying  to  sell  to  young  couples  ,  and  it  always  worked  .  the  moons  became  known  for  saint  syndrome  ,  where  those  same  young  couples  would  typically  call  to  say  that  they  were  expecting  within  a  year  of  buying  their  home  .  it  only  took  a  few  years  ,  but  the  moons  were  soon  raking  in  their  own  money  without  the  help  of  ji - ho’s  father  .  

            when  saint  was  six  ,  his  family  relocated  to  key  biscayne  ,  florida  .  life  was  easy  living  on  the  water  ,  and  his  parents  continued  to  sell  gorgeous  homes  both  in  seoul  and  in  the  wealthy  neighborhoods  of  florida  .  with  such  a  lifestyle  ,  it  wasn’t  unheard  of  for  saint  to  excel  at  his  private  school  ,  where  he  was  known  for  his  academic  prowess  as  well  as  his  ability  to  play  both  the  piano  and  the  cello  .  saint  was  a  fairly  popular  student  while  growing  up  ,  and  it  showed  when  the  moons  would  host  their  annual  christmas  party  .

            he  was  fourteen  when  he  finally  started  to  understand  the  rivalry  between  thoroughbreds  and  gatsbys  .  originally  ,  he  put  off  like  he  didn’t  care  ,  but  in  reality  he  was  trying  to  figure  it  out  .  the  moons  were  a  special  case  ,  considering  that  ji - ho  was  clearly  an  heir  to  a  billion  dollar  fortune  ,  but  also  had  become  wealthy  in  his  own  right  thanks  to  his  business  with  his  wife  .  saint  never  understood  that  jabs  and  jeers  that  he  would  receive  from  thoroughbreds  ,  because  to  him  ,  they  were  all  rich  so  what  the  hell  did  it  matter  ?  he  eventually  began  to  side  more  with  the  gatsbys  ,  never  understanding  why  the  thoroughbreds  felt  as  though  they  needed  to  stick  their  noses  up  in  the  air  at  them  .

            within  two  years  ,  though  ,  saint  seems  to  have  changed  for  the  worse  .  while  his  grades  may  be  good  ,  he  begins  to  spend  more  time  with  new  friends  in  miami  .  while  there  ,  he  surrounds  himself  with  fast  cars  and  short  nights  ,  but  he  thinks  it’s  his  parents’  fault  for  buying  him  a  488  spider  for  his  sixteenth  birthday  .  saint  began  to  get  into  trouble  ,  often  pulled  over  for  speeding  and  reckless  driving  to  impress  his  friends  .  like  always  ,  a  star  is  meant  to  fall  ,  and  it  all  came  crashing  down  for  saint  when  he  thought  that  drag  racing  on  u.s.  route  1  was  a  good  idea  .  he  assumed  that  he  could  lose  the  cops  ,  but  he  was  stupid  for  ever  thinking  so  --  he  totaled  the  $1.3m  dollar  car  ,  and  after  being  treated  for  minor  injuries  ,  he  was  booked  in  the  county  jail  .

            having  rich  parents  seems  to  be  all  fun  and  games  considering  they  were  barely  able  to  get  him  out  with  a  slap  on  the  wrist  ,  but  that  very  same  night  they  sent  him  away  on  a  business  plane  to  live  with  his  no - nonsense  grandparents  .  for  the  first  year  ,  saint  pouted  and  argued  ,  screamed  and  kicked  over  being  trapped  in  seoul  .  he  tried  to  escape  the  fortress  of  a  house  in  pyeongchang  ,  attempted  to  ditch  his  security  guards  when  he  went  out  in  public  ,  but  he  eventually  realized  that  there  was  no  getting  out  of  this  .  so  ,  he  made  the  most  out  of  it  :  he  finished  school  ,  and  during  his  senior  year  with  the  help  of  his  grandparents  ,  saint  opened  goodnight  moon  ,  a  late  night  café  that  appealed  to  college  students  and  late  workers  in  need  of  a  coffee  and  pastry  pick  me  up  .  the  café  went  viral  ,  and  so  did  the  handsome  owner  .

            he  returned  home  when  he  was  twenty  ,  and  discovered  that  key  biscayne  was  filming  .  as  the  resident  who  suddenly  disappeared  ,  saint  was  sought  after  by  the  producers  and  was  introduced  mid - way  through  the  second  season  .  

THE  SHOW  .

saint  and  his  family  were  not  introduced  on  key  biscayne  until  midway  through  season  two  .  he  was  introduced  as  most  table  shakers  would  be  ,  with  a  flurry  of  local  headlines  ranging  from  KEY  BISCAYNE  TEEN  ARRESTED  FOR  DRAG  RACING  and  HOW  MONEY  GETS  YOU  OUT  OF  A  JAIL  SENTENCE  .  his  parents  didn’t  like  the  idea  of  being  on  a  reality  series  ,  so  they  weren’t  featured  although  there  were  a  few  scenes  with  them  .

he  was  the  reality  show  villain  and  you  can’t  tell  me  otherwise  !  showed  up  with  an  air  of  what  the  fUCk  ever  and  despite  the  air  around  him  since  he  was  arrested  and  shipped  back  to  south  korea  ,  he  never  let  that  stop  him  ?  like  ofc  he’s  a  rich  boy  who  got  away  with  something  bc  he’s  rich  ,  but  it’s  not  that  he  doesn’t  acknowledge  it  ,  he  just  chooses  not  to  talk  about  it  .

was  definitely  the  subject  of  show  cliffhangers  ,  probably  nearly  got  kicked  off  the  show  because  of  his  short  temperament  and  despite  all  that  would  still  be  invited  to  the  reunions  because  he  would  always  start  some  shit  .  he  was  very  vocal  about  who  he  didn’t  like  on  the  show  ,  and  probably  had  good  chemistry  with  a  cast  mate  and  fans  of  the  show  always  pushed  for  them  to  become  a  thing  (  a  wc  ...  mayhaps  👀 )  but  they  were  never  anything  more  than  friends  .

by  the  end  of  the  show  ,  saint  was  that  cast  member  that  fans  love  to  hate  .  he  was  employee  of  the  month  ,  and  that’s  on  period  !  gave  what  he  was  supposed  to  gave  and  was  highkey  problematic  (  not  in  a  bad  way  ,  but  in  a  way  where  he  was  always  the  one  in  the  middle  of  some  shit  )  and  when  people  would  question  him  about  it  ofc  he  didn’t  care  KFNDSJBFS  .

THE  PERSONALITY  .

a  little  shit  .  that’s  it  .  that’s  all  you  need  to  know  .  although  he’s  standoffish  ,  still  has  his  insecurities  because  he’s  not  the  ‘  perfect  ’  son  that  his  parents  pushed  for  him  to  be  .  very  much  so  the  black  sheep  of  the  family  ,  and  is  deemed  as  a  lost  cause  by  his  thespian  of  a  mother  ,  so  he  figures  that  he  might  as  well  live  up  to  that  name  .  comes  across  as  someone  who  genuinely  doesn’t  care  ,  and  he  doesn’t  KFDBJSFSD  .  sometimes  only  looks  out  for  himself  which  adds  more  sand  into  the  asshole  bin  ,  and  he  hates  being  asked  ‘  dumb  ’  questions  .  it’s  a  pet  peeve  that  his  mom  thinks  he  picked  up  from  his  father  .

THE  HEADCANONS  .

he  does  not  want  to  be  your  friend  KFNDSFUS  .  he  can  be  very  standoffish  just  to  get  that  point  across  ,  and  he  doesn’t  interact  with  people  outside  of  a  chosen  few  .  

can  be  wildly  off  putting  and  while  someone  else  may  be  afraid  of  confrontation  ,  he  isn’t  !  might  be  the  subject  of  bar  brawls  and  minor  scraps  because  he  genuinely  does  not  know  how  to  shut  the  hell  up  .

hates  walnuts  ;  idk  why  that’s  important  but  it  is  .  serve  him  something  with  walnuts  in  it  and  he’ll  never  talk  to  you  again  .

romantically  and  emotionally  stunted  ,  therefore  he  bides  his  time  with  casual  sex  and  noncommittal  acts  of  romance  .  can  be  found  slipping  out  of  beds  in  the  middle  of  the  night  ,  never  returns  texts  ,  and  at  times  will  pretend  that  he  doesn’t  know  who  the  other  person  is  (  ew  !  )  .

a  chaotic  boy  with  a  heart  of  gold  ,  he  just  doesn’t  show  it  and  has  mastered  the  art  of  being  fake  .  

despite  his  repulsion  of  romance  and  relationships  ,  he’ll  flirt  with  anyone  that  has  a  pair  of  legs  ,  and  he  quite  honestly  might  call  someone  daddy  just  for  the  hell  of  it  KNFDH  . 

probably  posts  those  outfit  thirst  traps  on  instagram  reels  or  tik  tok  bc  he’s  annoying  .

THE  CONNECTIONS  .

an  angsty  ex  boyf  👀 if  i  have  to  BEG  for  it  i  will  !  and  i  promise  to  make  you  cry  xD

a  best  friend  pls  !  someone  who  has  been  friends  with  him  since  before  he  was  shipped  back  to  korea  for  a  few  years  so  when  he  came  back  and  was  on  the  show  ,  they  were  THE  dynamic  duo  .

i’ve  been  really  into  his  plot  but  someone  he  works  out  with  ?  maybe  they  don’t  work  out  together  per  say  ,  but  they’re  somehow  always  at  the  community  gym  at  the  same  time  .

something  soft  ?  something  so  sweet  that  it  would  make  my  teeth  rot  ?  could  either  be  a  boyfriend  or  girlfriend  thing  or  tbh  i  don’t  know  but  i’m  literally  looking  for  something  that’s  all  fluff  and  all  marshmallows  and  if  i  don’t  get  it  then  i’ll  cry  .

a  plot  where  they  full  on  hate  each  other  .  none  of  that  cute  shit  KNFDNFHSD  .  no  lingering  feelings  ,  no  moments  of  hate lapse  --  they  hate  each  other  and  it’s  a  spicy  hate  ship  that  literally  gets  your  blood  pumping  .  

SKINNY  LOVE  ARE  YOU  THERE  ?

his  hoodrat  friends  NFDJNHFBD  i’m  kidding  but  i’m  thinking  like ...  a  billionaire  boys  club  type  of  thing  ?  perhaps  the  five  of  them  get  together  and  ppl  try  to  penetrate  the  group  or  they  have  these  instances   where  ppl  straight  up  hate  them  for  no  reason  ?  they  were  probably  the  TALK  of  the  show  bc  thought  they  were  assholes  KNFDJBFBD  idk  either  way  ,  my  hand  is  out  .  (  1  of  4  spots  filled  )

a  one  night  stand  with  some  substance  ?  like  yeah  ,  they  fuck  around  and  they  have  their  fun  together  but  they  don’t  pretend  to  not  know  each  other  in  public  (  unless  this  person  is  a  thoroughbred  and  i  oop  ,  chile  )  so  they  probs  tend  to  be  a  little  like  confidants  at  times  but  also  have  a  tendency  of  shutting  each  other  up  with  sex  .

[okaybutlikeimagine]

The shovel talk prompt is so cute. I was wondering if you could do one where the kids or Joyce gives billy a shovel talk since Steve’s dad defiantly wouldn’t do it.

(heyo dears, the post we’re talking about is right here!)

I fuckin love this and you KNOW they both would but in very very different ways.

Bc with Joyce, it’s still very motherly and a lot more gentle than Hop, but also Extremely Serious.

Bc i like to think Joyce has known Steve since he was a very little kid. Like… her kids have always gone to school together and she went to school w/ Steve’s parents. and she doesn’t really like steve’s parents like… at ALL. and she kind of thought Steve was mean (bc he was, guys. Love our babe, he’s a gem, but 1st season he was a jerkwad w/ little to no self awareness and that’s why i love his growth bc he was a teenage boy who grew from his mistakes and i love that for him♥) but he’s softened up in the past year and he babysits all of the kids and it just means a lot to her. She knows she can trust Will in the hands of Steve and that will forever and always mean the world.

And of COURSE she knows she can trust Billy too, but she’s known Steve longer and she’s watched him grow up and she’s seen the way he’s grown and she’s just… so proud of him. She’s so incredibly proud of him. He’s such a good kid and he has a good heart and Billy is also a very good kid with a very good heart (and she will defend that stance till the day she dies) but he can be a bit… rough. She knows it. He’d probably admit to it too. He’s just a little rough and tough and Steve is a very soft boy and Joyce worries.

So she definitely sits Billy down and talks to him about it. She puts a motherly hand on his knee like she always does when she has serious talks with him. She’s very gentle about bringing Steve up.

And then she squeezes his knee a little tighter than normal and says: “Now don’t do anything to harm Steve, alright? Because you’ll have a lot of upset people on your hands, and one of them will be me.”

She’s stern. Billy just kind of… laughs nervously.

But the KIDS… ohgod guys, the kids.

The kids would devote their lives to protecting Steve if they needed to. I’m thinking that Knight guard at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade who loyally guards the grail w/ his life. I’m thinking of them forming a transformer like thing, all of them becoming a different part of the body so they can ward off evils and wrongdoers. I’m thinking something along the lines of London Tipton’s father’s body guards who form a literal blockade around him so you never see his face. Like, imagine these lil children banding together to form a little square around Steve, blocking him from the rest of the world so that no one can touch him or even look at him w/o going through them first. (There’s a scene where London dances w/ her dad except the body guard dudes don’t really move so she’s just holding his hands and all of the body guard dudes are moving side to side as they dance and it’s Hilarious and i just want to put that image into your heads but w/ the kids around Steve and Billy pouting bc whythefuck isn’t he allowed to see him goddamn boyfriend???)(anyway, i digress)(and might be making some references you don’t understand goodness i’m so sorry)

okaY so the kids are all at Mike’s house playing DnD or being dorks or whatever it is 14 yr olds do in a group alone. Or at least, that’s what Billy thinks. He’s really not sure what’s going on, he doesn’t pretend to understand their little shenanigans, he listened to Will rant about DnD character types for about 2 hours last week and his brain still feels a little fried by it so he just…….. He lets it be. All he needs to know is when to drop them off, when to pick them up, and when to tune them out just enough to where he doesn’t feel like a total jackass. Really, only w/ Will though bc Will is his favorite and he’d never wanna upset Will.

Anyway, he’s at Mike’s house, knocking on the door, here to pick Will and El up, when Mike opens the door and ushers him inside immediately.

“Hi Billy come in! We uhhh… we need you to help us… decide something.” Mike says lamely. Billy’s so unconvinced it’s insane.

“Decide something? Seriously? Since when have you nerds ever wanted my opinion on anything?”

“Well uh… this is a weird situation and we need your help.” Dustin says in what he probably thinks is sweet but to Billy is actually just very irritating, but he turns his attention to Dustin anyway.

Billy rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “Whatever, what do you need?”

“Uhhhhhhh…. Now Mike!”

And suddenly, Billy’s world is black and very fabric-y. He’s been blindfolded. It’s very dumb and Mike probably would have struggled if he wasn’t Billy’s exact height so Billy starts wriggling and struggling and reaching for the blindfold when he feels someone grab his hand.

“It’s alright, Billy. We’re just going downstairs.” Will’s calm, soft voice says as he pulls him in some direction. Billy follows with a lot less struggle. He doesn’t wanna hurt Will.

And in a few minutes, Billy’s being pushed into a chair. He’s pretty sure he hears voices quietly bicker over tying him up but the consensus seems to be a “no” on that one bc soon he’s gaining sight again.

His vision clears from it’s blinded blur to see a kid w/ a mop of curly hair in front of his face.

“Hello Billy.” He says like he’s intimidating or something.

“Hi Billy!” El says extremely cheerfully. Dustin turns his head to shush her.

“El! Sh! We’re supposed to be intimidating!”

“Ohhhhh…. Intimidating?”

Max chimes in. “Like, scary.”

“Oh!” El says in understanding, making her best angry face and thinking way too hard and, very suddenly, exploding a lightbulb. She shrieks.

“Sorry…”

“It’s alright El.” Will says kindly, walking towards a closet. “Mike’s mom keeps extra lightbulbs in the closet.”

“Will!” Mike hisses “We’re busy right now!”

Will hits Mike with a silencing look. “I think you guys can handle this.”

Mike pouts. “Why are none of you helping us?” He looks to the corner where Max and Lucas are sitting, Lucas on the arm of a lounge chair and Max on the seat.

“We’re… supervising.” Lucas says over a sip of his soda.

“Yeah, we’re just making sure this dumbass doesn’t get murdered for being stupid.” Max says, gesturing to Dustin who makes a very loud noise of indignation. Max shrugs.

And Billy?? Is tired as all hell. Kinda just wants to leave. Really, he could leave and these little twerps probably wouldn’t even notice. They didn’t tie him down or anything, he’s just sitting in a chair watching these children fumble like idiots trying to be intimidating.

But…. he indulges them. He thinks it’s kind of entertaining. Sure, he could be doing a lot more w/ his day, but seeing these kids be dumb is still vaguely enjoyable. Plus, he likes El and Will and Max and he thinks sitting here for their sake might be worth it maybe.

So he sits and he watches and he listens to Mike and Dustin bicker about how to “interrogate a witness”

“We’re not interrogating him, we’re intimidating him!”

“Well you gotta use the same tactics, right?”

To the point where Max heaves a bit sigh and shoves them aside so she’s standing in front of Billy, sitting in her hip w/ her arms crossed.

“Alright Billy, look. We know you’re dating Steve. And we’re fine with you dating Steve.” She gives a hard look to Mike and Dustin, who look about to chime in w/ opinions of their own, but wither under Max’s gaze. “All we’re saying is we need to set some ground rules here.” Max says as she turns back to Billy. “Number one-”

“Don’t hurt Steve!” Dustin all but screams, causing Max to sigh with a roll of her eyes.

“Alright, yes. Rule number one: Don’t hurt Steve.  He’s like… family at this point. He’s super cool and nice to all of us and we care about him so don’t hurt him.”

“Or else I’ll hurt you!” Dustin pipes up again LOUDLY.

“Or Dustin will talk your ear off and probably accidentally spit on you while he does it.” Max says to a chorus of snickers and one very loud “Hey!” from the subject of her teasing.

“Rule number two: don’t be too…. Gross around us.” Max makes a face. “Like, if we have to witness you two kissing more than once a week, that’s excessive.”

At that is where Billy scoffs. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. at least for those of us who don’t live with you. And Number three: I don’t wanna hear ANYTHING about you guys… sleeping together.”

Everyone audibly gags at the thought. Billy is full on laughing now.

“Wow, such a kid you can’t even say the word fu-”

“NONE OF IT. Not even in passing or anything bc you guys accidentally talk too loud. I don’t want to be subjected to any of that.” Max is adamant about it, sealing it with a punch to his shoulder. Billy just puts his hands up in defeat.

“Yeah, fine, whatever. Like I wanna talk about my sex life with a bunch of twerps.”

Billy is thoroughly entertained by the faces of the kids, all looking absolutely mortified, Will’s face blushing like crazy, El’s head tilted bc she doesn’t understand.

Billy gives Max a look.

“Can I go now?”

Max shrugs, eyebrows furrowed bc she’s mad she had to hear the word sex come out of her brother’s mouth. He’s so grossly brazen all the time.

“Yeah, whatever. Just be nice to Steve.”

Billy pats his own knees and gets up, gesturing to El and Will to follow him.

“Let’s go, punks.” He says, the two of them following, Will’s face still red and El’s eyes a little less confused bc she doesn’t really care anymore. They say goodbye to their friends before following Billy out the door.

The three of them leave behind 2 very loud and complaining boys (Mike and Dustin), but it sounds like Max puts them in their place. Billy chuckles as he slips into his car.

[mx-in-words]

Monsta x reacting to their babies being born.

Hi! I would like to request Monsta X reacting to their pregnant S/O getting into labour. I just think they'll be great parents someday - anoun. 

↬ Shownu

a lost bear 

I can see you sitting on the couch with him watching a movie.

then you felt a small cramp, maybe you were hungry? 

you: oh I just ate and I am hungry again. That’s weird.

sh: maybe because you're eating for two?

you: yes mayb- ,,, OH SHIT BABY I THINK I AM GETTING IN LABOUR

sh:  :0 !!!!! OK LET'S GO 

he would be lost but needs to act OMG HIS BABY!! 

HE DRIVES LIKE A CRAZY 

when you both went to your hospital, your doctor was ready waiting for you and shownu. 

will hold your hands all the time. 

calls kihyun to warn everyone else, including his family. 

will cry when seeing your baby in your arms. 

*heart eyes shownu seeing his little baby holds his hands with such small fingers*

sh: I can't believe this is happening, it’s a dream. I love you both. 

will be overprotective about the boys holding his baby ESPECIALLY MINHYUK. 

jh: omg I have a brother/sister 

sh: I am only *your baby's name* dad now jooheon. 

mx: :( we lost our father. 

a sweet with you. will do ANYTHING you ask. 

will freak out about being a good parent.

you: you took care of seven boys, you will do great honey. 

sh: :3 thanks, baby!!! 

soft for his kid I think shownu may explode of love??

↬Wonho 

I am SO SOFT FOR MX HELP

YOU: HOSEOK I WANT THIS BABY OUT!

wh: honey, what can I even do? It was supposed to born a week ago but I guess your belly is better :)

you: ugh I love you but istg 

tried everything

in the middle of the night, you felt something. When you got up, your water purse broke and you called wonho. 

you: HONEY WAKE UP MY WATER BROKE 

WH: O M G 

picked all your things, he had already done your bag. 

called the boys in the way, driving

since you started to push, he was already crying while trying to film the scene. 

we actually sobbed when the baby was out, crying. 

doctor: congratulations on your healthy ( the sex of the baby)

wh: *crying so fucking hard *

will literally die if anyone holds your baby 

like your mom it’s holding the little person and he is like 

wh: okay 3 seconds holding now give it to me

will take so many pictures of you and the baby

literally so worried about you. 

wh: do you want me to kick everyone out of the room so you can rest? do you want to eat something out of the hospital? ANYTHING???

you: baby what no- I am fineee!!!

wh: okay okay

so proud of his family he can’t even breath 

will protect you and the baby of EVERYTHING

↬Minhyuk

already knew the possible date of the delivery, so he stayed with you the whole week.

every five minutes asking you if you feel anything

mh: how about now? anything?

you: no baby, nothing yet *rolling eyes*

mh: just checking love u 

you were eating dinner with him while watching knowing brothers than you felt a little pain. 

when you got up, your water broke and minhyuk started to scream.

mh: I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER LET’S GO Y/N

RUN THE FUCK UP TO THE HOSPITAL

mh calling his mom: MOM MY BABY IS COMING COME TO THE HOSPITAL AND BRING CANDYS 

his mom: OMG OMG OKAY HONEY BUT WHY CANDIES

mh: I need candies in stressful moments mom

you: are you for real right now? I WANT SOME TOO OMMA

will take care of everything for you in the hospital 

holding your hand

that puppy smile 

kiss your forehead before the labour starts

mh: I love you and this is the best moment of my life.

EVERYONE CAN PICK HIS BABY 

101% about you and the baby

you: you look so happy, baby

mh: of course I am, my dream is being a father and having a family with who I love, in the case, you. 

mx: eww 

sh: when did my kid become this man??? 

you: shhh let him enjoy pls

mh: *holding the baby and looking at them with the most lovely expression ever *

↬Kihyun

this boy is so precious ughhhh

packing things for the hospital for mouths 

ACTUALLY MADE A LIST FOR THIS MOMENT

let everything in the car 

buT 

schedule calls him

he was at the end of an interview when you called

you: baby is happening, my mom is riding me to the hospital, I see you there. 

kh: what- I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER HURRY SHOWNU GIVE ME THE KEYS. 

SWEATING LIKE HELL 

he cannot miss this, camera on point. 

found your room and the labour hadn’t started yet

kh: fuck you scared me 

you: yeah I LOVE YOU TOO

kh: OF COURSE I LOVE YOU WE ARE HAVING A BABY omg relax honey how are you? feeling pain? 

calling your family 

will film the whole labour 

cry only when it’s over, hugging the boys.

jh: men you're crying

kh: I just released I am a father now jooheon can u let me?

takes a lot of pictures of you and the baby

ask everyone to not visit you two because you need to rest

anyone cant touch you or the baby if doesn’t wash the hands TWICE 

EVEN HIS MOTHER

sings to the baby when you're tired 

helping you all the time

he stays with you in the hospital until you can leave 

makes sure to tell you how much he loves you and is proud of his family

will say that you look fantastic as a mother and your little belly is sexy

can I buy myself this man? I love him

↬Hyungwon

you are at a dinner with the boys 

everything looks great

then you felt something

it’s pain 

hw: everything okay sugar?

you: hm no...

kh: oh she’s having the baby 

hw: NOW?

you: no,, next week,,, OF COURSE, IS NOW

run to the hospital

he is SHOOK

CAN'T THINK OF IT 

you: honey please move breath blink say something

hw: I GONNA BE A FATHEEER

mx: yeah now he is going to cry

hw: not yet.

only cries when he picks the baby in his arms for the first time 

was only the three of you in the room

hw: thank you for making me so happy y/n. They are so cute look this little legs!!!

you: worth it. 

your baby is so quiet 

stop crying in hyungwon’s arms 

hugs his parents so hard when they visit you both

hw: minhyuk can you be quieter my kid’s brain will explode you're so annoying 

kh: I have to agree 

mh: but he is SO CUTE!!!! 

you: looks like the father :) 

wh: hm no the baby is cute for real 

hw: I hate you all

will put koala’s clothes in the baby and post in twitter for monbebes to see.

treats you like a queen 

so worried about you 

hw: please eat well. Drink water, honey. PLEASE 

such a sweet

a little sad because he knows he won't sleep in some mouths

but so happy that he loves his family more than sleep 

↬Jooheon 

Can’t wait to see the baby

Keep asking you when he will get to see his son.

you: oh idk, do you want to put your head up down here and look inside?

jh: son,,, you’re making your mommy angry you know * pouts*

Literally buys u anything you want.

Prefer to says that he is pregnant too

jh: I having desires for guacamole

you: baby you’re not pregnant, I am.

ck: I am what I am man.

Wjdnjsjdjsnsje SORRY I JUST

kh: please y/n just push out this kid I can’t take this anymore.

you: honestly… I WISH BUT THIS LITTLE SHI- OH

Then your water broke

You felt something was up to

You’re having a baby

jh and mh: YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jooheon, changkyun and minhyuk singing a rap about honey being a father

Something like BABY IN THE WAY JOOHEON AS A DAD THAT’S WHAT I SAY D A D D Y STARTING A FA MI LY

you: goshhh why

At the moment the Labour is about to start, he holds your hand and kisses your forehead

jh: I am so thankful for this moment, I will finally have the two loves of my life right by my side.

You both crying holding the baby.

Would make sure everything looks fine, don’t want you to get worried.

Asks shownu to buy your favourite chocolate just because

kh: y/n is sleeping man, gosh they are so little, how does it feel to have such a small person?

jh: it's my little angel, it feels like a blessed man, I can’t stop smiling LOOK THIS LITTLE FINGERS

Gets so emotional because his kiddo is his life now

jh: look!!!!! * shows you your baby*

you: it’s this a bee costume in our two days old baby????? ARE THOSE NIKES SHOES FOR BABY’S?

jh: lil baby has styyyle

Will watch you and the baby sleeping and think about how he wants to be the best person for you two

Wants to dedicate himself totally for the family from now on

Already planning the Disney trip for the family.

↬Changkyun 

so yeah he���s scared af

but shhhh don’t tell no one

cause he’s cool ;)

was actually on the supermarket to buy you something weird at 3am

what a husband huh

want your favorite chocolate or maybe Arabic food? i’ts okay he gets it.

theemmm you called saying that 

the baby is coming

he FROZE

sweating but trying to keep it down

holds your hand all the time like, literally 

ck: can I cry? omg I am going to be a dad!!!!!!!

you: you didn't even saw the baby yet slow down honey

ck: what if I am suck at parenting?

you: oh you’re gonna be fine, we’re a family and i’ts impossible to not love you, so your baby will love you too.

ck: *smiling incrediable happy and them start crying*

ask shownu some advices

ask jooheon to calm him with crackhead jokes

ask kihyun to help him with BEING AN ADULT

ask hyungwon to... even come bc honestly is he sleeping?

don’t show to you how worried he is

can’t stop looking at your baby and how much he is in love with them.

will keep his eyes on you ALL THE TIME

actually cries in front of you because he wants you to rest 

ck: I can hold the baby y/n pleaaase rest.

you: changkyun I AM BREASTFEEDING slow down

ck: oh okay...

you: Baby, we will do fine. Just relax! I trust you, so trust in me too okay?

ck: yeah you’re right. Do you need anything?

you: yeah, a kiss and a kiss in the baby. 

* changkyun heart cant take it this scene is so cute omg*

he actually helps WITH EVERYTHING

the hospital bills, the baby's clothes and your stuff

dad material 

already checking the bests schools and all the baby's future

How To Be a Liberal Father GOOGLE SEARCH

loves his family with everything he has. 

sooooooo thank you for the request!!! My requests are open!! hope you guys like it <3 

[fatui-harbingers]

Daenerys Targaryen changed my life for the better

I know, sounds dramatic but it’s not really! She kinda lead me down another (rather short) path of self reflection and self discovery, if you can call it that.

Just in case things get bad in the next episode, I just wanna say that watching one of Dany’s scenes literally changed my life (it's not gonna seem so dramatic once I explain lol) and its really gonna break my heart if they do any more wrong by her (but I don't really think they will) bc she's such an inspiration!

I was watching one of her scenes in season 6 when she was asking the Dothraki if they would be with her now and always and I got all emotional and nearly cried (which was the moment I realized my emotions were making a comeback lol) and then I suddenly realized after YEARS of planning that I actually didn't love the future I had in mind and wanted to be an actor. I had been planning for at least 2 years to be a cosmetologist bc it was more practical and I enjoyed doing things like that most days but it was starting to bore me (I just hadn't realized it till I was watching that scene!) I tried to talk myself back into my plans bc acting doesn't seem very practical and it's not taken very seriously till you're making a million dollars and everyone knows your name. I obviously know that I'm more likely to fail than succeed and I've done as much research on acting as I can (bc I was still trying to convince myself it wasn't worth the risk) buuuut I still wanted to do it.

I used to want to be a performer and a lot of that came from music being such a big thing in my family. That was probably the dream I held onto the longest before I realized it just wasn't for me and it isn't. I'm much better at acting and I always have been (I just didn't know it). After thinking back on my childhood I really do feel that I was made to act (even if not professionally bc I do have to act in front of family bc they're very close-minded people and they wouldn't accept my full identity I guess you could say). My sister and I always had this sort of improv thing going when we would play (as I'm sure lots of kids do). We were especially serious about it when we would play dolls (I still have those dolls and refuse to give them away bc of these memories) we would agree on the beginning of the “story” and just go from there and we usually came up with backstories for our dolls too. If it didn't feel real to us, we would start over. Sometimes we would just do things differently or create a whole new story, it would just depend. I don't know if lots of kids do that or not bc I didn't really play with anyone but my sister but we had to tell a whole story that felt real or we just weren't satisfied!

By the time I was 12, my sister and I had kinda grown apart and she refused to play with me anymore so, after a while of thinking it over, I decided to start writing fanfiction (and I've done it ever since). It felt more fun to write stories bc I was in complete control and my sister couldn't ruin my plans! It did feel kinda lonely though bc I didn't have that other person to connect with and enjoy my imagination with (I'm not someone that likes to write with others or share stories) but I eventually didn't care anymore. She said now she regrets ditching me bc she misses playing together but now that we’re both writing stories, she doesn't seem to care. I guess she’ll tell me once she reads this, if she does.

I still have a very active imagination (though it's a bit darker now bc apparently the older I get the darker I am lol) and I'm really happy I do and that my mom never tried to stop us from playing or enjoying our imagination together or apart. My mom was the bomb tbh. She would actually help us learn by having us talk or write about our current obsessions. Like once, I was having to start writing little essays for her (I think this one was a test run) and at the time, my sis and I were super into Monster High and she had me write about my favorite character and what I loved about them (I even got praise for my use of quotations, which I learned from reading above my grade level 😎). It was actually fun bc I was interested!

One reason that really got me thinking I should pursue acting was how much I can connect to a character when reading. I’m so empathetic it nearly kills me sometimes (I wouldn’t say I’m a full on empath like my sister). I cry when I read or watch anything now! I really started to realize how much I connect with certain characters and feel what they feel when I was reading Divergent. I really connected to Tris and understood her and could relate like I didn’t exactly have when I was reading Twilight. Could be nothing, like everything I’ve written here but it felt important to me so I’m just gonna go with it lol.

I have another reason to wish I could thank my mom in person bc she's the person that got me into Game of Thrones in the first place (and even knew I would love Daenerys and that she would be my fave). So, I wouldn't have seen that scene that changed all of my future plans for good if it weren't for her! I honestly don't expect a TV show to have such an impact on me but this one really did!

So now, anytime I watch that scene, I think wow this is the one scene that completely changed ALL of my plans and made me realize I had a dream I didn't know I had lol. That's me for ya! It's especially crazy bc I was like “I want job security! I want financial security!” and then abandon all my practical plans for the complete opposite. I'd rather not regret not chasing my dreams while I had the chance. And I would like to not wonder what life might have been like if I had when I'm older.

Surprisingly, pretty much everyone I've told has been nothing but supportive (except my dad really. He wants me to have a practical job bc he “doesn't wanna see me fail” or whatever) even my eye doctor that I had literally JUST MET!

And now when I watch any of Dany’s scenes I just get so emotional (I’m apparently emotionally fragile lol) and I’m just like “wow I love you so much”.

And of course, I know acting is anything but glamorous so I’m not just thinking about fame and red carpets (which actually freak me out bc I’m walking anxiety at this point) and I know it can be a very dirty, exhausting hands on job but knowing what it’s actually like to create movies and TV that people love forever, how hard it can be to do just made me want to do it more, strangely enough! I’m weird like that I guess lol.

So yeah, thanks Daenerys, for ruining my plans! Lol, she really is magick y’all. It’s hard to change my mind once I’ve made a plan! I’ve never loved a fictional character more, who actually inspires me in my day to day life like this. It’s crazy! Seriously, she made an awesome speech, not even directed at me and I’m just like “so yeah, let’s abandon all practical plans and go for the least practical career path possible. Sounds great!”

Watching Daenerys just makes me feel like I can do anything. She’s been through hell and I could not have survived what she has, ngl. Plus, I can relate to her better than other characters on the show (Jon is like the one dude I can relate to lol). I used to be able to relate to Sansa and Arya to some extent but they’ve never felt as relatable to me as Daenerys for some reason.

Realizing these things about myself and discovering a dream I didn’t know I had when my life plans were starting to feel less “me” made me nearly as happy as when I discovered feminism and felt like I had a purpose in life and a job to do that was bigger and more important than myself.

I dunno, I just love this fictional woman as much as my sister and cats (who mean the world to me btw) and she’s had such a positive impact on my life.

[bodega-daydream]

November 22, 2019

It started out as kind of a nice dream. I was in a class and in the class there was an assignment to bake the best pie, and the old man teacher would rate them. I had a pie but for some reason didnt think its was worth having him rate it even though it looked pretty good. Finally at the end I was made the snap decision to have him rate my pie, but I had apparently blended it up into this really sugary red slushy drink. He tasted it anyway but couldnt really rate it because he couldnt see the crust. fine, whatever. I was then talking to people from school when Josh from BP came up and said that he, Tony, and two other BP workers were going to be on 8 out of 10 Cats and I was sooo excited to know someone who would be on the show for me to watch. Cut to later- I'm at the lake down the street from my house. I was looking through videos on my laptop and was showing Michael to see if he remembered them. Undetermined, but they involved me with shorter hair and a GIANT frog. I think this was based off my frog stuffed animal, but it was real in this video and I had taken him to the lake for a swim. I had had him for years and wondered how long he'd last and then the frog was like I haven't laid my egg yet so pretty much he couldnt die until he laid his one giant egg? whatever. Then I was cold and on the sand and I think we were heading back up to my house. It was dusk. We heard a scream from the neighboring property. There were already a few people over there that seemed to be looking for the source. It sounded like a little girl. I shouted to ask if anyone needed help. But they couldn't find anything. Toward to the top of the beach now, and at night, we saw a bunch of children in this fenced in area. IRL This woman is a swim coach, so it wouldn't be insane for her to have kids at her house, so in the dream, I didn't think anything of this. Yet. The longer you observed the kids, they were kind of running wild in this fenced in area. Then I noticed that one of the kids has smashed his head on a rock and his head was covered in blood. But I think it was suspicious circumstances because the cop lights were flashing in the background through the trees. Though no medical help was there yet. Starting that moment, I had been hanging out with Lewis who showed his EMT badge while walking over. I saw through all of the mess him trying to help out a different kid (for some reason no the kid with the giant hole in his head from the rock lol) but he didn't have any of his supplies with him (because we was just hangin out). At this, I ran over because I had a bunch of stuff that could help. Apparently I just keep a very make shift first aid kit on my person. Though when I got over there, this one kid we were helping looked absolutely fine but apparently had these invisible type of burning sensation on his cheeks. I looked into my bag but it was like kind of useless lol had a small bottle of tea tree oil and some other random stuff. I knew what kind of pain the kid was dealing with though. Lewis gave him something and I told him that I understood and that the best thing to do was to just take a cold hand (bc mine are always cold) and just hold it against it and feel the pain until it stops hurting, because it won't last that long. We then walked away and went back to the police station where I was apparently a detective there. This station was also the house across the street from the lake. Daytime now. One of my detective colleagues was this man who looked like John Krasinski meaning it actually was him, but not him. There were some kids outside (outside was now a city street) being lined up as witnesses or something. The other detective there, a woman, was taking statements from the kids. But then I overheard her make this plot to frame my John Krasinski coworker. I tried to warn him without giving away who was trying to frame him and he help trying to insist on telling his partner, this woman. I was like dude. no. and he wouldn't listen. The kids started walking through and that kid I had helped passed by and gave me this look. Then someone else came in and sort of yelled at me for encouraging his growing sexual love for buses lmao said I was too accepting and that I should have discouraged it from the beginning. My argument was so what, he loves to love buses. Anyway, I was trying to tell John Krasinski about the plot and then I was walking away and he grabbed my wrist. But then the other woman came over instead of letting go, we hid the fact that he was holding my wrist behind my back which also looked suspicious. Then there was another line up of kids outside. They had turned around and this one kid was looking up at us and was like I want to talk to her. I assumed he was pointing to the woman he had spoken to before, which was the 3rd detective. But when he came inside, he wanted to talk to me. I was surprised, but then it was the kid that kind of confessed to lying to the other cop about how the evidence she gave him (to frame John Krasinski) was a lie. But dude, the truth was like 20x worse. Instead of some tiny piece of metal sticking him from inside some box, he admitted that it was actually just part of this bracelet he was wearing. I asked to see the bracelet but it had no metal sticking out of it. Then he was like no, it's part of me. and then this series of spikes that had been implanted in his wrist stuck out through his skin like barbed wire. At this I was like nope! and took a step back. His father came rushing in but he had the same thing going on in his wrist. They could control when the spikes would come out. We learned that they were both extremely violent. The dad was bad, but the kid looked like he would be much worse because he was learning it all from his dad. I didn't want to be near this kid anymore because he seemed to fixate on my fear, as if he would come and find me one day to hurt me. I wouldn't look at him. The wife showed up and she was drunk because she was usually being abused by her husband. I think we let them all go because we couldn't do anything about the situation because she wouldn't accuse her husband of anything. Cut to me going to the live taping of 8 out of 10 cats starring my BP coworkers. Instead of sitting in the studio, there was a ton of outside seating that faced the studio that had large screens on it that was displaying what was being filmed. It opened with Kate McKinnan so this was apparently SNL instead lol but whatever. I was sitting out there in what seemed like stadium pews. The place was decorated in vines and leaves, kind of medieval. A lot of people were moving around the pews, but I had a large space open next to me. The drunk mom came and sat next to me. It made me so nervous because I didn't want to deal with an intoxicated person, but also her husband must be around. The show goes on and she gets up and walks to the doorway to enter the stadium. I somehow acquire this little girl that's sitting on my lap, maybe 7 years old. Turns out this is the daughter of the drunk woman. I'm very protective of this child for some reason. The mom and the husband are doing this weird princess knight act idk, I just know it's happening but I'm more focused on the crowd. Some tiny elderly people come and sit next to me and are asking about this girl (rightfully assume she's not mine bc this girl is blonde). Cut of after this performance, and I'm with/kind of am this woman. I'm on a bus and I'm heading to this beach area. I'm trying to get away from this crazy husband of mine. There was some floaties put out in the water and it was like yes, she's finally getting away. But then I'm like...no this is too easy, and I dive down underwater and I see this man with all of his evil friends waiting there to grab her. She manages to swim away. She's running and running trying to get away. They had this evil dog that was kind of also the husband and kept barking and biting her trying to alert him to where she was. Somehow we got the dog off and jumped onto one of those mini school buses (I'm with her now). There's only one seat and she takes it with her daughter on her lap and we tell the bus driver to gtfo of here. He knows the situation, and drives off. I'm sitting on the floor and looking out the window. Both me and her are in white spa robes, not significant, just random. There's this sense of relief as we're driving off. The dog had kind of handed me this piece of metal and I gave it to her. This apparently meant something as she looked at me and she was like "he really did love me." as in he let her go despite not being able to control his violent nature (even tho it was way worse than that). The mini bus pulls up to the back parking lots of the woodbury commons. We think we're safe until I see this man running a hot dog stand taking pictures of the bus we're in. The bus driver had pulled over and got out of the bus but then I yelled wait, we're not safe here and then her husband pops out from behind something and starts coming for us. The bus is moving and I think this dude some how offs the driver. The woman gets up and goes to the door of this still moving bus and shoots her husband in the head. I'm am #shook. I did not know she was going to do that with such ease or that she even had a gun. I took control of the bus because there was chaos now because she just shot someone and cars were appearing out of nowhere. I was like, flooring it and I was like OKAY I'm taking us straight to the police station. I was way more affected than this lady. Realizing now this was not a great decision and that we should have stayed put, we got pulled over at her parents house. We couldn't exit the bus without being processed by a cop (I was a normal person now, not a detective). I was instructed to head straight to the Montgomery police station to pay a $250 bail (I know, doesnt make sense) but I was compliant. I had to get there. I thought about calling Lewis to help me with the bail because I knew he would, but then realized I had that cash on my person and that I could just go over there and pay it myself. As I was walking toward the kitchen to get my stuff, I realized that I shouldn't be driving because I just went thru a trauma that hadn't hit me yet. I decided it was best to call Lewis after all and have him pick me up so I could freak out in the car and not be driving. But as I was going through my phone to find his contact, I noticed this woman's 3 sisters trying to slyly take pictures of me, just like the hot dog man and I started freaking out. And then my phone was going crazy, receiving every photo they took of me instantly. They didn't know what was happening and I was checking their phones and someone had set that to default and my phone was going crazy. I couldn't get to the call screen. I knew someone had bugged these phones so they could locate me or get my info. I decided to use someone elses phone to call Lewis. The mom was looking through the phonebook for his number when I was like Lewis can I just borrow your phone, you already have the number in it (only realized this flaw when I woke up lol) but I made the call and he answered. He had just said, "Hello?" when I heard the husbands voice in the background saying that he was a police officer to someone. And then I woke up, and I couldn't tell where I was for bit or if I was safe.

[teaganpls]

sms: teagan taylor

@augustuswill.

Augustus: We might grew up on the different side of the world but we're still both just normal person like any other person. And yes, it was quite an experience having to be independent on a very young age. Haha I would definitely convince you to finish school! First time to hear that you want more polite people rather than rude. Augustus: That stung me a bit, I find myself normal and boring! So I guess you wouldn't want to hang around with me. :)) I hope I get to meet Tierney too! Augustus: Nice! Maybe you could make her drunk and let her dance weirdly on the middle of the street, video and post it online! A promo stunt before your new music release party! That was a joke, by the way! Don't make her drink! Augustus: Can you remind me of what's the asshole name is? I think I got to use calling him as a dick, asshole, that I forgot his real name. So you get my point why I'm furious of that guy huh? I'll tell her that. Alex had been so nice to everyone and doesn't deserve to be treated like that by your friend. Augustus: I can handle another more. Work and taking care of my sister is not so handful anymore. So, try me. Augustus: I am. I will sure will! Should I bring some coffee over?

Teag: That is definitely true. People are people, and we should all respect each other regardless of background. I get that. My siblings and I had to be independent at a young age, too. It was different circumstances. My mother was... kind of a trainwreck honestly, and didn't look after us (to say the least. It was a pretty abusive situation) so we had to learn really young to provide for ourselves. I would like to once I figure out what to go for. I'm a musician and I love making music with my whole heart and soul, but I just can't see myself going on a tour again and being away from my daughter for so long when most headlining tours could last anywhere from 6 months to a year. I respect people who are full-time musicians and have families because that balance is just crazy. Not to mention all the temptations on the road. It just isn't a good lifestyle for me. Which is basically my long ass way of saying I'm gonna need a new career which is why I opened the shop with my sister. I'd probably go back for Business that way if Tierney ever wants to tour (she has a business degree), she can knowing that I have everything under control.

Teag: Wait... people seriously want others to be rude to them? Wtf.

Teag: Aw I'm sorry!! Please don't take offense, my new buddy. If it makes ya feel any better, I need more normal and boring in my life. If you're close with Presley then I'd definitely say you're bound to meet Tierney soon. I'm biased bc she's my twin buuuuut she's pretty amazing

Teag: Hahaha don't worry, I won't. I actually just finished rehab myself 2 days ago... so drinking wouldn't be good for either one of us 🙊

Teag: Before I tell you, I just want to be clear right from the beginning that I don't want to be in the middle of any drama. I have enough going on in my life at the moment and as much as I understand why you're upset because cheating is a huge no-no, I don't want to be in the middle. I hope you can understand and respect that. No offense at all meant I just needed to say that sooner rather than later.

Teag: Wow, we're gonna be good friends already if you're offering to bring me coffee AND listen to my problems. it's a super long story. 

Teag: TL;DR i’m a “bitch” and outcasted too. so if alexis wants someone who can sort of understand, please send her my way. i need all the friends i can get lmao.

Teag: as i mentioned above, my mother (or as i like to call her, she who must not be named) was abusive. she had a lot of boyfriends throughout my childhood and they were all abusive as well. physically, sexually, verbally, mentally... you name it, it was there. she who must not be named was also heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol. So I grew up seeing that behavior... and started drinking when I was really young. I did drugs for the first time when I was 14. I loved it immediately and it was the perfect way to escape all of the torment that was going on at my house. at the same time, i had a childhood best friend dj who i met when i was five. he knew all about the abuse and his family opened their doors to me and my siblings. his parents were like the parents i always wanted but never had. i mention this because it comes up later dsjndjnfsdhbfdshsdj this is seriously such a long story I’m so sorry in advance

Teag: so i turn 18 and as i mentioned, i didn’t go to college. frankly i always thought i’d be dead in a ditch so i never like... planned a future for myself? the only thing i was good at was music so i followed that to los angeles. to make a long story as short as possible --- went to rehab, fell back into drugs, found out i was pregnant and went to rehab again to get sober for real. i was doing really really well up until about a month ago. everything in my life went to absolute hell all at once. i found out who my daughter’s father was and it was one of the friends from la, and at first things were perfect and i was really relieved (still am, don’t get me wrong) that her father was a close friend instead of a random hookup while high. but things with dj got really rocky out of jealousy it was a whole mess and as things were getting rocky with him, danny was really there for me buying me flowers and supporting me and it was just. a confusing mess. so dj breaks up with me after him and danny fight on the booze cruise (sure alex told ya all about that booze cruise) and then i found out from my best friend that she also had a confusing thing with baby daddy and there was another girl involved too.

Teag: god i swear i’m trying to make this as short as possible, i’m sorry, just so much fucking shit has happened and i haven’t talked about my side much bc i don’t want people in the middle. so i got into a huge fight with danny because i felt really blindsided and hurt by all of this, where i said shit i shouldn’t have said. i told him he needed to grow up and be the father our daughter deserved. i regret that, i do, i know he loves blake and would do anything for her but in the heat of the moment, i was just so hurt. he said some pretty nasty shit back that isn’t worth repeating bc i’m trying to not dwell on them. and then i found out that dj’s mom, lisa, who was like the mom i never had died and i just.... fucking lost it. i had a complete break down and relapsed. THIS LONG ASS STORY IS ALMOST OVER FUCK. so i did 2 weeks of inpatient rehab back home in dallas and then came back home and finished my rehab as outpatient to be back with blake, my daughter. the last thing danny said to me was never to contact him again so... naturally, i didn’t contact him when i came back because i was focusing on staying sober. god okay i feel so bad about how long this is getting, the short of it is danny and i have been fighting pretty much ever since i got home, even when i avoided him specifically to avoid fighting. i only see blake on weekends, everything is tense with my former friends bc of things that should’ve stayed between danny and i but didn’t, on top of all this i’m trying desperately to stay sober and still grieving. okay, that’s it.

[katie-----luv]

ANSWERING QUESTIONS FROM THORAYA MARONESY

Can you describe someone you love?

He’s tall. He’s so dumb sometimes. Very very handsome. He makes my heart beat so hard that i feel like i’ll throw up if i stay around him. Even if I'm just thinking about him or have something of his, i feel absolutely crazy about him. I can't tell anyone who it is, but i want the whole freaking world to know how much i love this person because of how amazing he is. He wears his heart on his sleeve and gives up so much to make others comfortable and happy. He matches his clothes well haha and when he smiles, he makes me wanna stare forever. I could literally look at him all day. He asks me things that no one else cares about and he makes me feel so welcome. Even though I literally cannot be with him for so many reasons, he will always be the one that i will love more than anyone in the entire universe and i hate it but it is reassuring that I can love someone so much. He’ll never leave too. And the best thing about him is he gives the most amazing hugs. Long, amazing hugs. Middle of the night or 4 am, he always wants a hug from me. And no matter why or what happened, i will always want a hug from him. Because he just makes me feel everything. I love him so much that even if it's indescribable, i still try because it's worth it for him. Even if these words barely light the candles on the cake. 

What's the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

I think my sister. We’re sisters, ya know, we hate each other one second, but the next, she is as amazing as she was before. I think she is the most beautiful because of how she deals with life. She always questions, she gets deep. She isn’t simple-minded at all, very talented in art. She is the smartest person I've ever known personally. And I love how free she is. In a sense where she doesn't want to be like everyone else. She deals with her own crap like everyone else but at the end of the day, she is still getting back up and laughing. And she is so weird too haha. She likes things like care bears and wants to move to a billion different places and do a billion different careers and marry an Australian man. Her goals and personality just crack me up.

Can you define love?

Love doesn't really have a definition in my opinion. If you really love someone, you’re left speechless, you don't have the words to define what you feel because of how overpowering it is.

Can you define hate?

Hate is a major pain that is..like it feels like someone put a blanket on your heart and took swings at it until whatever or whoever you hate walked away. It's a pain that makes you feel more angry at one thing than anything else i guess.

What's your biggest regret?

I have plenty but I guess the one that sums them all up would be ever lying. Lying is what gave me more regrets. If not lying then maybe falling in love. No one really thinks i have ever been in love but i was in love with someone and they were in love with a made up version of me pretty much. I miss them everyday and i lost them bc i lied. So yeah, goes with lying but i hate that i ever fell in love with them whether it was real them or just a lie too.

Kindest act?

When i was in 3rd or 4th grade, I had a bunch of money saved up, close to $200 from birthday money and other holiday money. I spent some. I didn't know what to do with the rest, so I gave it to my school counselor to give to the leukemia charity that they were funding for the month. When they announced on the announcement that i was the biggest donator, they got my name wrong and called me Kayle instead, but I didn't care because I knew I did something good. It was $97.

Wildest dream?

I’ve had some crazy ones so it's hard to choose or remember all of one.

Biggest fear?

I used to think it was being murdered or kidnapped or maybe even spiders. Now i know that it's of being hurt. I've been hurt by lots of people before and ive cried so many times alone but didn't wanna tell anyone and pushed it down. It ended up making me do some things that i shouldn't have because I didn't wanna think about being hurt and i feel like if i have to keep pushing things down, ill continue to be afraid to speak out and be sad for a long time again.

Best and worst quality?

That's kinda hard because i have a lot of both. I guess I'll just pick at random though because i can't chose. I have a quality that can be good and bad at the same time. It's that I'm forgiving, i don't know when to give up on people. It's good because I can give people chances which makes a good friendship bc i dont just drop them. But it's bad because sometimes i give the wrong people too many chances and get hurt over and over. But when i try to figure out when to let go and give up, i do it at the wrong time and make more issues. So it's complicated.

When have you felt the most alive?

If I'm choosing a whole time period, up until 4rd grade. A moment in the times I remember, when I dropped someone holding me back. I say up until 4rd grade because all times before then, I didn't care what people thought. I was never hurt like i have been since. I was a happy kid who played with littlest pet shop and had a billion besties. And i say when i dropped someone holding me back i mean that i was hung up on someone I thought loved me unconditionally and I loved them so much. He ended up not caring about me anymore which was understandable. But later on when I finally told him to go away because all he did was make me hurt, I stopped talking to him, and I was so so so SO free.

What's the best advice you’ve been given? 

You have to love people for who they are. My mom told me this. I don't like judging people or making people hurt or uncomfortable. But sometimes people have qualities that I just can't stand but they are some of my closest friends. So when my mom told me this, I felt like if i can't love them past these qualities, maybe i need to realize whether or not i love them really, because I can't change them to fit my needs or wants.

What's been your biggest obstacle?

Trying to get passed drama whether it was created by me for myself or drama with everyone. I made mistakes, I'm human, but it's been tough trying to learn from them. Now, I'm starting to see where I went wrong and moving past it to grow. 

Most embarrassing story?

I have a lot and I physically can't make myself type any bc they're so bad.

Your perfect life partner?

Someone who doesn't care when I'm being a bum. Someone who loves me and respects me. I'm not big on too much PDA. every once in a while, i'll kiss or hold someone's hand but usually, i feel embarrassed for whatever reason. So id like them to remember that and ask or hint first. I dunno.

What does beauty mean to you? 

Beauty means personality and looks to me. It doesn't mean hot or pretty. To me, beauty is how you describe someone that's indescribable.

Favorite memory?

Well i have a lot of memories that make me smile so much. But the one that I can think of off the top of my head is probably when I went up to Ohio where my cousins live around x-mas. The year before, my little cousin Silas passed away on New Years eve. We all went to this thing where they sang xmas music, had santa, and lit up some building. Me and all my cousins had our arms around each other and we were all singing together. It felt good that even though only a year before, we lost someone so young, we could all still smile and stay strong, together.

A moment that moved you?

I was at bob evans once with my mom and sister and a random old man paid for our meal and came to us saying he just wanted too. I never forgot that old man and that happened back when I was maybe 5 or 6 and i'm way now.

What would the title of your movie be?

hm...Self-inflicted because i self inflict too many issues for myself.

How have you changed?

I’ve learned so many lessons that I needed to learn.

What do you wish you said?

I wish i apologized about so much. I also wish I told my parents why I made so many mistakes. If i had done both of those things then I wouldn't have so many regrets because I would have had less drama and maybe some support or help.

Your last words?

I'm sorry i pushed it all down.

One thing you would change about yourself?

Maybe some of the things that go through my head. I can be really rude or sound super depressed. I would change how I handle that in my head.

Biggest pet peeve?

Matching and lint/hair on clothes. If you don't match or are covered in lint/hair, it makes me feel so anxious.

What's your purpose?

I think I may actually be too young to answer, but i'll tell you when i know.

Your one simple rule?

I think I have too many to answer that.

What are you looking forward to next?

Moving away. I have so many bad relationships with friends and ive lived in the same place for my entire life. I feel like i live in a box and i need to experience other places. I want to grow in life but is hard when i'm in the same place everything has happened. So moving will help me grow a lot.

What are you most proud of?

My academic achievements. I still suck at math but I'm hoping that I can fix that and maybe I'll really have all honors classes. As of now, I have almost all honors, just missing math.

What do you miss most in life?

Feeling happy for more than a short period of time. I'm not as sad as i used to be. But back when i was always depressed, i was the definition of pushing it all away around my family. I never told my parents and still haven't told them how sad I really always felt, only the jist, because of school and life. And now, i have better things that make me happy but at the end of the day, I always feel worthless and drained.

How would you like to be treated?

I would like to be treated like i'm as equal as everyone else. My close friends know that I haven't been in a good place for a while, i went through family drama because of me for a while and i'm starting to finally fix my mistakes but it's tough because they all treat me like i can't be told about their problems since it might make me worse i guess. And I think that's also why they treat me like the ‘leader’. Out of pity. It's been that way my whole life. Even as a little kid. And i hate it. I just wanted to be treated like i'm a friend not like what i need matters more than anyone else's needs because i have ‘issues’.

What do you want to let go of?

Everything that's been put in the past. I know it's been put there for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. I want to let go of the mistakes I made in the past because I opened my eyes and saw that that's what they are, mistakes. And even if it happened yesterday, i wanna let go, because it's time to move on if it's not happening.

What does the world need?

A big slap of sense. So many are oblivious to the issues we cause to the world and what issues are just happening to the world. While some things are serious, there are bigger problems than what celebrity slept with someone last night. Things such as suicicide and global warming are real and everyones too busy worrying about chris hemsworth’s abs and so and so’s herpes. I'm guilty of it too, but more and more I realize that there's serious things happening and no one is doing much. 

What makes you happy?

There's a few things but for some reason, my cousins makes me unbelievably happy. When I'm around them, they're not my cousins. They are the best best friends I could ever ask for. I have never loved anyone more than I love all of them. When i hear i get to see them, I'm on it! I hope for the words ‘we’re going to ohio’ every second. I absolutely love them to death, even the ones who are slower than turtles. If they were my siblings, I would want to be home daily with all of them. I cant even explain how much my heart screams to be around all of them and i have no idea why. They're all so amazing. And so are their parents and grandparents and all of them. When my family is with them, i see how much fun they have and it makes me even happier because my parents don't hangout with too many friends or close family. But with them, they talk and laugh as much as I do and I love seeing them so happy.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

OH YEAH! By friends, crushes, family. I guess if I chose one from each category, friends would be when one of my closest friends told my whole school that i had leukemia and i was getting treated. So many kids asked if I was okay and I was all, ‘what?’ when I found out, I confronted her and she lied about it. And when i didn't accept her apology, I did say some uncalled for things, but she made me feel like she could just throw away friendships left and right and she didn't care what happened. But when she lost all her friends, she cared, and she put us all on a bully form because we decided we didn't need a friend who would do something like that. And it was hard watching it happen because we’d been friends our whole life. For crushes, when I was in 5th grade, I was finally in class again with a life long crush. But he played me a bunch of times and bullied me along with his friends. That stuck with me, everything they said and did, but i only cried about it alone because I didn't think it was that serious that they bullied me. Now i see it was. For family..i think when my little cousin silas passed, I realized how serious death was because I was in 6th grade at the time, I understood it all completely. It broke me big time because id met him once and he was a sweet kid. While it brought our entire family together because of his funeral, I bawled the whole time because i felt like i could've done more to interact with him even though I never had the actual chance really. 

The hardest question I've asked?

Thats hard to answer. I think when I had to ask myself if I thought being alive was worth it. I never thought i'd be the person to have to ask myself so when i did, it hit me hard and I had to take it seriously. 

What's beautiful about you?

I think it's that i always want change and am almost always willing to change. Yeah, i'm a person so sometimes I don't want to change anything. But to me, change is so good and the fact that I'm always growing because I'm constantly needing change is beautiful because it makes me mature rather than be naive forever.

How did you find out Santa isn't real?

Oh haha. My sister. We had an elf on the shelf and her and I touched it to test if it would move still. It did. So i question if Santa was real because the elf wasn't. And i would hear people moving all the time when i went to bed x-mas eve. Yeah, i took it easily. But in the back of my head, i was always kinda salty that my sister ruined the fantasy for me. But better now than never.

How do you get through hard times?

I cry. I don't like talking about problems, I feel embarrassed and alone when I have them. So I write and I cry. Which is probably one of the worst ways to deal with it all, but music also helps and I think plenty use music to get through things.

When did you realize you weren't like everyone else?

When i realized how sad i always was. And maybe when i saw how i wasnt a super skinny kid. I'm not fat. But i'm not a stick like all these girls. And i noticed that. But yeah, when i started to feel more and more sad as I got older. And I saw how not too many others were like that.

Worst decision?

Lying because it only made life worse.

1 strange fact about me?

I have a weird birthmark where my leg starts to lead up to my underwear line on the left side. I hate wearing swimsuits like underwear because of it. It's dumb.

Most complicated question ive asked?

I honestly don't know about that one.

What do you look for in a man?

I look for a deeper part of them. I look for things like the nerdy vibes. I like nerdy or depressed guys. I don't like depressed dudes because they're depressed but because they’re the ones with the deep, interesting thoughts. And nerdy because i think dorky guys are adorable. But either way, I like when they listen and their understanding and sweet. I like when they talk a lot, but not more than me. When they make dumb jokes and do more than play video games, i like that. And when they have fashion sense. And shower.

What are you scared to share with people?

Probably what my mistakes actually are.

Earliest memory?

I have a few that I remember being super young but i don't know which one was the first one but one that I like a lot is when I was really young my mom would throw my sister and i big birthday parties and I had a close friend named Gavin Bush. he and I were close because his sister Emma was besties with my sister. But i remember at my birthday party, we were eating rice krispies together and laughing. He had a huge crush on me for the longest time and I always feel bad that I didn't notice much. But i mean, laughing with him was one of my favorite things to do back then. 

Most painful thing you've ever been told?

That i lost all trust. I lied too much and my parents told me that i lost any trust they had in me. But i try everyday to build it back up.

Kindest thing you’ve been told?

That i keep people happy, even when I'm going throw something myself. My friends have told me that even when they're mad or upset, I still make them laugh and while it pisses them off, they love that about me.

What are you ashamed of?

My body. I love some things about it and hate others. I hate my thighs and stretch marks but i remember that someone out there could care less and only cares for my mind and i feel better.

Worst thing you've done to please someone?

Lied about my whole life pretty much. Or said someone said one thing when they said the opposite to protect their feelings.

[ghoulstars]

i Sure Would Like to not have to be literally relieved/excited when my mom goes to bed every single night because otherwise i feel constantly tense and at risk of something happening to make my living situation unsafe, again, even if we’ve had a good/normal day

shes back on her fucking bullshit today and she usually confronts me on things that have made her Mad(tm) that ive “done” but today she hasnt said jack shit to me. all i can figure is: shes upset that i didnt get up and help her stain the wood for the porch we’re building where our old shitty side deck was shes upset bc i didnt wash all the dishes ?????????? who fucking knows

heres the kicker though folks: i didnt wash all the dishes because for some reason, since replacing our water heater, when the water from the sink starts getting cold it doesnt gradually get cold, it literally goes from like scalding hot (even thru gloves) to hardly lukewarm and i was only washing dishes for about 20? 30? minutes last night before the water temp fucking plummeted so i couldnt finish. bonus is that there were literally only like 5-7 things left to wash and it was literally just 3 styrofoam cups, one pot and like...2 or 3 forks/spoons. absolutely incredible and worth spitefully giving your daughter the cold shoulder over, am i right folks

and me helping stain was only even a fucking a possibility because she gave me an open ended offer to help her last night and i gave an open ended response. she asked me if i wanted to try to go to bed early enough and she would call me in the morning and just see if i wanted/felt up to come out and help, and i said i would be willing to try and id do my best. so when my manic ass had a manic moment and i slept for 3 hrs from 6 am to 8 and was dying and couldnt pass back out for any reason of course i texted her and told her i couldnt fucking help lmao. my fucked sleep schedule is a result of my Crazy Quirky Wacky Bipolar 2 anyway and like she refuses to help me or sympathize with me abt my mental health so ??? guess ill die?????

i didnt get back to sleep around fucking like 12/1 pm and i noticed that she stopped fucking replying to my texts literally right after i said i couldnt help and then every time she walked past my room, where i was Clearly Awake And On My Phone With My Door Open, she flat out ignored me. wouldnt even spare me a side glance.

and when i woke up at 5 pm today, no matter how late i wake up my mom always comes and wakes me up no matter what, today she walked by my room twice EVEN WHEN IT WAS THAT LATE AND I WAS STILL IN BED without saying jack fucking shit to me, and only came in on her third time walking back by to her sitting room and just blankly went ‘youre not laying here in the dark’, turned on my light, then swiftly left

then before that she’d texted me, after telling me for weeks to just use our limited data even if it runs over bc our wifi cant handle my phone being connected along with all our other devices anymore, that im going to have to use my laptop now bc she isnt paying another 200$ phone bill this month. here’s kicker number 2: after literally outright giving me her food plans for tonight and tomorrow yesterday she also texts me that she didnt cook. just a flat “I didn’t cook”. im so fucking depressed all the time that i physically and mentally cannot handle getting up to find and cook myself my own like ACTUAL MEALS and making food that requires actual cooking is often times out of the fucking question, and shes been not cooking for SEVERAL nights here recently, sometimes days in a row, and with my depression being wholly unacknowledged by her, once again, guess ill fucking perish??? unless i can miraculously find the energy to make chicken fingers or ramen noodles im going to be doing what ive fucking done almost every goddamn night this past month she hasnt cooked which is live off of snack foods and ensure lmao. KICKER NUMBER 3: she promised me that either tonight or tomorrow, bc she has a Big Foobaw Game, she wouldnt cook and would instead get me my alltime favorite chinese food from my alltime favorite chinese restaurant that she knows i love a lot, and regardless of what night her game was, she didnt cook tonight and i LITERALLY heard her say less than an hr ago that she’d be cooking tacos (which she intended to originally cook tonight) tomorrow. that being said, her specifically saying she ‘didnt cook’ today when she promised to get takeout in general at some point this week makes me think tonight was just supposed to be tacos (esp if what i think i can remember serves). and now she hasnt cooked anything at all! and tomorrow its gonna be tacos! :) fucking knowing how she is and how she works and functions with her abusive behavior towards me i would not be surprised and am also partially convinced that for whatever reason she’s all DooDoo Angery at me that shes doing this on fucking purpose to deprive me of the treat she promised out of spite/as some kind of passive aggressive ‘punishment’ HAHAHAHA ECKS DEE SO FUNNY XDDD

the only other time shes acknowledged my fucking worthless existence(tm) today was to pull one of her Iconic “im only saying this really ridiculous shit that ive never said before and we’ve never talked about before, ever, just to take digs at my daughter bc she Displeased Me” moments, where she walked by, almost totally ignored me again but stopped like. like she was gonna just keep walking but caught herself and she ended up like...halfway obscured by my doorway anyway and quickly said to me “i need you to sweep.” and then she went to the bathroom and i hear “and take your (cat) poop out too. litterboxes get done every night.”

we have two litterboxes. never in the history of ever has she said anything to me about they get done Every Night >:( and that has never been an established rule, nor have we ever even spoken about me doing that. i do them every few nights, usually on different days, bc there’s Two Litterboxes. and surprise surprise my depression impedes my ability to keep up with them without her having to tell me to clean them most of the time which pisses her off, except i literally did them 1-3 nights ago and theres no way that they both need cleaning again already and now shes suddenly on her shit like. they get done. every night. in that fucking vaguely militant voice she gets when she’s mad like that and is fucking with me on purpose

but fucking like even regardless of all this other shit, point blank, she is the one who has not expressed any of her annoyances with me today to make her act like this. how can i fucking communicate about the issue when she doesnt TELL ME WHAT HER ISSUE IS and instead opts to mentally and emotionally screw with me for her own satisfaction--and even then!!! she has no right to be this mad with me over not helping with the porch bc SHE left it OPEN ENDED and NONCOMMITTAL, SHE could have easily asked me why there were dishes left (though bc i have to do them so late at night/early in the morning bc im fucking depressed shed prolly just blame me FOR doing them at that time bc if i do them TOO LATE at night then the WATER TEMPERATURE GOES DOWN because its COLD AT NIGHT or something like that) but she didnt and now like everything else, fresh off my period, still manic, always rapid cycling, just got off the manic depression train slightly after being on it for two days and then before that it was Severely Uncomfortable Euphoria, feeling just so fucking wrong in my own skin and feeling too many emotions that are too strong that i dont want, so on and so forth, im the one whos suffering because of her unresolved neuroses and narcissism

and like....to be honest, real shit? with how fucking unpredictable and fucky she’s become since our Big Fight i also would not be surprised and sort of have half a mind to think she’s just mad for literally no reason (related to me or otherwise) and is doing this just because lol

[meepface]

1-100!

oof, thank you lmfao

1: is there a boy/girl in your life?

there’s a boy in my life which is crazy to me bc i was starting to think i could only feel this way about girls. i am bi though, that is very much so confirmed

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

i can think of two people right now honestly and i forgive them both. i learned from them and i grew from those experiences and i hope they do as well. i wish nothing but the best for them

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

my best friend got a new cat and she’s SO SMALL and she likes me a lot and cats don’t usually like me so it’s great

4: what’s something you really want right now?

to hang out with my boy but i’m doing that tonight! also i would really love to go to Iceland

5: are you afraid of falling in love?

oh absolutely terrified, yes, but it’s a growing experience every time and i think it’s always worth it whether they end up being the one or not

6: do you like the beach?

not really at all honestly

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

yes

8: what’s the background on your cell?

my lock screen is my dog Sophie and my home screen is just some pine trees

9: name the last four beds you were sat on?

my own, my brother’s, my boyfriend’s and my best friend’s

10: do you like your phone?

i honestly wish i didn’t have a phone a lot of times lmao i hate texting people and i hate social media and i hate being subconsciously addicted to it. i’m definitely trying to work on using it less

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?

not at all but they’re going pretty fucking great so i’m not complaining

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

a new coworker of mine

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

both i love dogs

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

emotional

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

both ??

16: are you tired?

a little bit, i just woke up and i definitely wanted to sleep in a little later than 10:30 but my body will not go back to sleep

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?

lmaooo since middle school, he was actually my first “boyfriend” if you even count the like 4 days we dated

18: are they a relative?

not at all, just some crusty boy i don’t even talk to anymore. last i heard he moved and is trying to be a monk which is strange considering the person he is

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

i would not

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

he texted me this morning but the last time we spoke was like over the phone two days ago. he’s been busy moving and shit and so we haven’t gotten to see each other for a lil bit but i see him today so it’s all good

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

not today, i’d definitely still wait and if they’re the right person i’m sure they’d wait too

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

oh my god absolutely, i’m gonna kiss him so much tonight

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

none, i don’t really care for bracelets

24: is there a certain quote you live by?

there’s a few! “let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier,” “if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely,” and “be kinder and gentler.”

25: what’s on your mind?

i’m kind of hungry and i definitely smell pancakes in the other room but other than that i’m super nervous to hang out with my boyfriend’s friends for the first time today bc i want them to like me lmao

26: do you have any tattoos?

i have three, a sun and moon on my wrists and “lovely” on my inner arm

27: what is your favorite color?

cerulean

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

toniiiiight

29: who are you texting?

my friend Stein, my friend Joe and i was texting my boyfriend but i think he fell back asleep

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

yes lmao all the time

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

yes

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

yes my good pal Joe and also my friend Brendon and also my friend Cory and also my friend Derryck and also my boyfriend but he’s more than just a friend so i don’t think that counts

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?

i would hope my boyfriend does

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

i get that fairly often actually bc my eyeballs are fucking massive and bright green and it makes me happy when people say that bc i used to hate em

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

i would be really really really disappointed and upset bc he knows how difficult its been for me lately and he knows i’ve been cheated on before and he’s been so fucking good to me so it would be a huge knock down to my ability to trust anyone. i’d honestly just break up with him quickly and as kindly as i could and just not talk to him again. i definitely think it would be harder to trust afterwards and i’d be heartbroken but luckily we wouldn’t have been together long enough for it to fuck me up too bad yet. BUT, he’s literally an angel and i can’t see him ever doing this to me so this is all hypothetical

36: were you single on valentines day?

no i was not

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?

we’re dating

38: what do your friends call you?

my name

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?

i think my parents at one point but it’s all good, i’ve clearly already forgotten and moved on

40: have you ever cried over a text?

plenty of times

41: where’s your last bruise located?

i have a random ass bruise on my knee and i have no idea what that’s about

42: what is it from?

no clue

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

oh all the time lately, it’s hard to be at home right now. but i also just want to be out of state for a while

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my best friend called me to tell me how her date went

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

yeah i have these bright white pumas that i loooove they look so cool and they’re so comfy

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

yep, i look good in snapbacks and dad hats so it works out

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?

no i don’t have the face shape to pull that off

48: do you make supper for your family?

i would but i’m so bad at cooking that i don’t think they would want that

49: does your bedroom have a door?

yes

50: top 3 web-pages?

youtube, netflix and then my school’s login page apparently

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?

my mom does

52: does anything on your body hurt?

my stomach is a little upset but it’s not too terrible

53: are goodbyes hard for you?

depends on who i’m saying goodbye to

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

coffee

55: how is your hair?

messy and in a bun bc i just woke up lmao

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?

lay in bed for like an hour and text people back and briefly social media bullshit, then i usually immediately shower once i get up

57: do you think two people can last forever?

i don’t know but i hope so

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?

yes

59: green or purple grapes?

purple but i like em both

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

when i see my boyfriend today, he’s been pretty stressed and he definitely needs a hug

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

i’d say with my boyfriend but i’m pretty fuckin comfy in my bed right now so i mean, he can come join me here instead

62: when will be the next time you text someone?

whenever someone texts me back 

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?

a music festival

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.

sleeping

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?

yes i was dating her

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

yes

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?

not yet but i will

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

i have no idea, i was probably just nervous about today

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yes

70: how many windows are open on your computer?

just this one

71: how many fingers do you have?

10 lmfao???

72: what is your ringtone?

idk whatever the apple default one is

73: how old will you be in 5 months?

still 21

74: where is your mum right now?

she’s in the kitchen making pancakes which i’m about to go hit up

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

we just didn’t work out

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

yes, three days ago though bc we’ve both been busy

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

some of them yes but i cut off a few of em for the better

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

definitely my friend Brendon, we didn’t work out bc we were both queer as fuck but he’s still one of my best friends to this day. i also had a huge crush on this girl that i don’t really talk to anymore bc she definitely gives off that whole “i’m better than you” kind of vibe

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?

yes

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

yep & i get to tonight !! my bf is so cuddly when he’s sleepy

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?

five LMAO but i only tried things out w three of em bc i knew the other two wouldn’t work out. ended up with the one i liked the most to begin with so everything worked out in the longrun

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

my boyfriend lol

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?

yep a whole bunch i’m so excited

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

oof, i don’t think i’d yell at em but i guess my friend Monica, that’s some shit she’d drag me into doing lmfao

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

he is to an extent and it doesn’t bother me as long as he’s safe. i barely consider weed a drug anyway

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

my bf and i fucked in my car at 3 AM afterwards LMAO

87: who was your last received call from?

my dad

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

i think i would initially agree bc i need that money but i don’t think i’d have the heart when it came down to it

89: what is something you wish you had more of?

money would be nice bc i’m tryna move out

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?

yes

91: do you sleep with your window open?

nah there’s mosquitos outside

92: do you get along with girls?

yes!!!!! i love girls

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

no, i don’t really see much of a point in doing that

94: does sex mean love?

not necessarily but loveless sex isn’t as good

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

not at all

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

no

97: did you sleep alone this week?

yeah except for on monday night and i don’t have to sleep alone tonight either so it’s all g

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yes

99: do you believe in love at first sight?

nah but i believe in infatuation at first sight sure, i believe you can have a feeling about someone at first sight, like you can tell if they’ll be in your life or not kind of thing

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?

i think my best friend

[willgayers]

i havent been COMPLETELY thru your list of reddie fics so if youve already done something similar ignore this but. what about a sickfic where richie is sick? also maybe eddie just like, forgets about germs to take care of him and then ends up getting sick too and blaming richie and richies jus like, dude, were you here

i changed it a little but only the part where he blames richie and richie wonders if he was there !!! hope u like it :-)

again,,, sorry for the length?? but i cant write these short?? also again. IT IS WORTH IT 

so obviously eddie is TERRIFIED of germs and every time one of the losers has even a little flu he’s not gonna touch anything they touch and will stand 5 feet away from them and honestly in the end will probably just be that one friend who’s gonna say

“my mom said no”

just so that he won’t hurt his friends’ feelings even tho he really just doesn’t wanna be anywhere near them bc hey he could get it too and it could turn into something more dangerous like leper obviously

but then one tragic time… richie gets a flu

and eddie’s very torn bc he doesn’t wanna be with richie cause ???? he isn’t clean

but then again they were supposed to hangout

eddie is thinking whether he should ditch richie or not

“jesus i’ve been sneezin since 8am”

yeah eddie is not gonna go there

the gERMS ARE FLYING and just the thought makes him shiver

he’s thinking that oh well maybe tomorrow he’s gonna be ok again

spoiler alert: he’s not

so eddie suffers thru the day bc its boring at school without richie

they talk on the phone later that day and eddie’s like hey r u feeling any better

“i am nod” richie answers with a stuffed nose

eddie just sits on his bed with a facial expression that is nothing other than :(

then the day after that ,,, eddie goes to school in hopes of that maybe richie had a miracle healing last night and now he’s gonna be there

LMAO YOU THOUGHT EDS

now eddie is just gettin pissed off bc how dare his boyfriend be sick for this long

so again that night they speak on the phone

“richie jesus christ when are u gonna HEAL”

“i am do dorry eddi-spageddi bud i am just so sig”

eddie is gonna turn into hulk soon from the conflict bc he REALLY misses richie

should i stay or i should go™

(nice stranger things reference)

ok maybe eddie is gonna give it one more day.

so it’s friday and richie has missed school for almost the whole WEEK

“wow eddie you’ve been without richie for almost the whole school week how’s that feel must be a new record huh”

“shut up stan”

don’t be mean stan

eddie’s heart is breakin

again,,, he goes home from school and calls richie immediately

“ARE YOU,,,,STILL…. SICK?????”

“yeah i— *LEPER COUGH* i ah-ah-AMh *cough*”

eddie cringes because ???? oh my gosh he is turning into a zombie

“oK THATS IT”

eddie has had it

he hangs up and stomps out of the house and rides his bike to the grocery store and buys all kinds of stuff like non-caffeine tea ((bc he knows for a fact that it helps better than regular)),, some ice cream and chicken soup in a can even tho eddie thinks it’s disgusting and fights with one of the workers

“YOU DONT HAVE NORMAL,,, READY CHICKEN SOUP IN THE FRESH FOOD SECTION????”

“yeah not today”

“my bOYFRIenD haS bEeN SiCK!! FOR A WEEk and i hAVE TO BRING HIM A CAN????”

eddie shakes his head in disbelief and curses the store as he walks away

then he finally arrives at richie’s house

he knocks on the door first just in case his terrible excuse of parents are home but they aren’t

so he leans down to grab the key from under the doormat and opens the door

he walks in and stiffens his upper lip as he glances around at the sight of empty beer cans and liquor bottles and there’s just the smell of old booze and cigarettes in the air

like it’s normal (and eddie hates that it’s normal) but richie’s SICK and he should be breathing fresh air not the literal definition of the breath of a drunken bum who’s been living in the gutter

this wasn’t what he was expecting bc he figured that richie’s parents would at least open the fucking window because their son is sick inside the house

so quickly eddie makes his way to richie’s room that is at the end of the hallway and he knocks on it softly before opening the door

he finds richie sitting in his bed ,,, burrito inside blankets and he’s watching something from his laptop

his eyes are red and his face is a lil swollen and nose also v red

eddie wants to cry bc he looks so bad

“eddi???”

“yes,,, eddi to the rescue” he mocks his boyfriend’s stuffy nose voice a little

richie is literally starstruck bc ???? EDDIE IS THERE ???? EDDIE , IS THERE , WHEN HE IS SICK ????

“whad de fug edz u should go befor u ged dis doo”

“i’ve been to school without you for a week now richard im done”

richie wants to cry

eddie is still just staring at him bc he doesn’t know how to approach him since he’s still a little disgusted at the situation this is all new for him ok but he really wants to help his bf

“i bought u some stuff”

richie starts to smile wide

“BUT” eddie starts

“before i give u any”

“????”

“you’re gonna leave this house”

richie looks at him like he’s crazy

“r u serioud eddi every pard of ma badi hurts”

eddie feels so bad for him

“you don’t even have fresh air here richie so i am serious”

richie can’t take the fact that his boyfriend is such a knight in shiny armor

eddie leaves the bag for a moment to grab richie inside his blanket burrito and pull him up.

“ur gonna have to get rid of this blanket tho”

“no:(”

eddie looks at him

“srsly richie i can’t give you a ride on my bike you’re gonna fall down and roll down the hill”

“:(”

“i will give you my blanket once we’re there”

richie throws his blanket down way too fast and he starts feeling nauseous

the bike ride isn’t very aesthetic™ for him either bc his head is spinning and all of his muscles hurt and oh my gosh he’s doing his everything not to throw up on eddie’s back rn

eddie’s mom isn’t home so eddie can easily sneak richie in

he’s not sure how he’s gonna explain him living there until he’s healthy again tho

but he’s not gonna worry about that now

(fast forward;

i donT CARE THAT HE’S SICK AND INFECTED MOM,, i LoVE HiM!!!!)

so now they go into eddie’s room ( he’s basically holding richie up )

and richie settles down on eddie’s bed and eddie wraps him inside a blanket and richie is just smiling at him the whole time

“r u comfortable”

“very” richie says. the blanket smells like eds and he is in eddie’s bed. ofc he’s comfortable 

“here’s my laptop”

eddie hands him his macbook and goes to the kitchen to prepare the chicken soup. in the can. which eddie still thinks is unacceptable as he heats it up

“here”

richie is about to cry bc “did you really mage me chiggen soub”

eddie nods with a light frown like wtf obviously that’s what you eat when you’re sick

“there’s also ice cream”

“ice cream???”

“yeah it’s for the throat…???

eddie is kinda confused bc how can richie not know it helps

then it occurs to him that

richie doesn’t know, because

no one’s probably ever taken care of him when he’s sick????

i REPEAT, NO ONE’S EVER TAKEN CARE OF RICHIE TOZIER WHEN HE IS SICK

now eddie wants to cry

“scoot over”

he wants richie to be on the side next to the wall so he can lean his head on it if he wants to it’s more comfy  

with a lil trouble richie does move and eddie cuddles up next to him

literally cuddles

richie is SHOCKED

“are you sure u wanna do dat”

“100%”

richie wants to marry eddie

“wad r we watchin”

“kill bill”

“waid a minude… isn’d dis-”

“yours. yeah. i never watched it and i never gave it back so”

“u never watched dis?? oh my god eddi—”

“eat ur chicken soup and watch this movie with me now oKAY” eddie is a pissed off knight in shiny armor bc talking is just gonna exhaust richie more and he needs to get WELL

richie eats his soup and they watch the movie in silence,,,, glued to each other and at some point eddie realizes richie’s fallen asleep with his head resting towards eddie’s

eddie can’t move because he knows if he does he’s gonna wake up richie

but thankfully after like 15 minutes richie wakes up and he’s like “shid where am i”

“you’re with me”

he turns his gaze down at eddie and he remembers that yes,,, he is in fact with eddie and he just feels: ️️️️️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

well the weekend goes by and eddie goes hardcore nurse on richie and literally by sunday he is already pretty healthy like his voice is back to normal and so on

but… Oh… no

eddie and richie are eating in the kitchen

richie goes;

“baby can u pass me that ketchup”

“sure—”

SNEEZE

eddie’s eyes widen and he freezes in shock

richie looks at him like o'shit he done caught the flu

but then he starts to smile

“WELL I GUESS I WON’T BE GOING TO SCHOOL FOR ANOTHER WEEK”

“what do you mean?!?!?!”

“because obviously im gonna take care of u”

eddie is 😨😭💘😓😭💕😨😭💗

then later they tell the other losers why they’re both missing school and stanley uris wants to comment again

“so eddie u went to richie’s house??”

“yesh”

“and i thought i was romantic letting bill choose dinner”

@nopetaking @xbell22 @donthateonk8 @stenbroughbros @reddiebrekmyheart @itsgreywaterrichie @donvex @blueeyespurpleskies @ageorgymi @oh-youre-the-worst @eddiekaaspbraak @whipashwhipash @rissyq @richietoaster @edskasqbrak @waterlouis @wyattghouleff@urtury @bukiminajimu @kcutieeesblog @stansmansuris @adorefack@reddieaddict @icyeyes102@denbroughbill @graveyardshipper @taletellingsir @anxiety-freak-yuuri @rheddie @queertrashmouth 

[regthelionhearted]

Reblogging this to add on a list of my top 10 jegulus songs let’s go:

Disclaimers- there will be a lot of Taylor Swift; I plan on keeping my explanations for each song as concise as possible. Also, I’m currently reading ‘Choices’ by Messermoon so lately when I think of jegulus, I think of their portrayal in that fic so a lot of my songs are based on how they’re portrayed in that fic.

#1. Astronomy — by Conan Gray

First off, this song just sounds like Jegulus if that makes sense, with it’s melancholy and the feeling the whoever wrote it has already given up if that makes sense. Then there are the lyrics: “we’re two worlds apart” which is like ahhh the feels bc jegulus are truly starcrossed lovers as they are on two sides of a war that they never wanted to fight in. Then the bridge. Do I have to say anymore? It really reminds me of regulus and James trying to stay together against all odds, and eventually having to leave eachother when everything becomes too much. Damn I just made myself sad. Ok that wasn’t at all concise I’m sorry.

#2. Don’t Blame Me — Taylor Swift

I definitely think that this song encapsulates the taboo-ness of their relationship, and how they shouldn’t really be together but are anyway. I also think the lyrics “don’t blame me, love made me crazy” can be interpreted as James and regulus talking about their relationship, as they both do things they might not do before because of their relationship with one another.

#3. Waiting Room — Phoebe Bridgers

This song shows how much James and regulus care about eachother, and how they would do anything to stay together, even though it isn’t enough. This failure to stay together comes to culminate with the lyrics “know it’s for the better” which I think is how regulus sees what happened. He thinks that being apart from his true love is for the better, if not for him for James.

#4. Two Ghosts — Harry Styles

I think that this song is about James and regulus’s relationship, and how it changes when the war worsens. Even though they are both in school, and are both kids, they are beginning to feel sides form more distinctly, and are realizing that they are on opposite sides. I think that the lyrics “we’re not who we used to be” really represents how they are losing their naivety to what is going on in the world around them, which is ultimately changing the dynamic of their relationship. I think that when they get to this point, they begin biding their time, knowing that their relationship was never meant to last forever.

#4. ICU — Phoebe Bridgers

Simply “I hate your mom” no but really this is such a jegulus song. The “i hate your mom” is such a thing James would say, or just think constantly. And then the part that’s like: “I feel something when I see you” is totally regulus. Honestly every single lyric in this song screams jegulus and I’m here for it.

#5. My Tears Ricochet — Taylor Swift

This is such a jegulus song, because of the lyrics “and I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want just not home.” These lyrics remind me of how to James and regulus, they were each others homes, and how they can’t be with eachother, can’t be home. Credits to little-shit-Soph for first bringing this connection the my attention.

#6. Achilles Come Down — Gang of Youths

This song reminds me so much of jegulus because of the Achilles/Patroclus parallels with jegulus brought to light in messermoon’s “Choices.” I always interpreted that parallels as achilles being regulus, and Patroclus being James. Because of this, I see this song as James begging reg to stay, and not follow the path of his family. The lyrics “it’s not worth it achilles” really brings this point home to me.

#7. Illicit Affairs — Taylor Swift

Just the title alone is so Jegulus. I feel like this song is about Regulus being bitter about his relationship with James, not because he wasn’t happy in it but because he WAS so happy in it, and knew that it couldn’t last forever. “Look at this godforsaken mess you made me” is very regulus thinking about James, because to him James made him vulnerable, and which was hard when he was back with his family, and anyone other than James really.

#8. Miserable Man — David Kushner

This song is all about running away with the person you love. This reminds me a lot of regulus wanting James to join his side of the war so that he could be safe, and wanting to run away with him after. The lyrics “all we wanted was a place to feel like home.” Is very them. It’s just… *chef’s kiss* AND THEN THE PART ABOUT IT BEING A FEW YEARS LATER AND HAVING KIDS. JAMES LEAVING REGULUS AND HAVING HARRY WITH LILY. AHHH. sorry about that. It’s just the emotions.

#9. Fourth of July — Sufjan Stevens

This another song that just really sounds like Jegulus. I think that the lyrics are also really about the aftermath of their relationship. The lyrics “I’m sorry I left, it was for the best though it never felt right.” Very jegulus, very jegulus. I also feel like it reminds me a lot of Regulus in the two years later chapters, when he is beginning to “rot” in his misery. I also feel like in the back of his mind, regulus has always known that he was fated to die young, whether he admitted it or not. Because of this, I think the the “we’re all gonna die” lyrics is him and his observations on the war.

#10. Golden — Harry Styles

Ending with a semi-happy one let’s go. As we see in messermoon’s beautiful writing, though regulus might seem hard and cold to basically everyone, he’s golden to James. “You’re so golden,” reminds me so much of jegulus’ early kisses, and James realizing who regulus really is underneath his hard exterior. And then the “I know that you’re scared because I’m so open.” Very jegulus. All I can say.

Not to brag but my jegulus playlist is literally my pride and joy y’all should go give it a listen

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7yCGVZ6ugiaCZ9L3tHgzHn?si=VnePNLOHSLqVKVMn8fz97w

[kayliemusing]

11

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? - Telling them how I feel. I feel like it’s hard to look into people’s eyes when they’re telling me how they feel too because I get nervous or blushy.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? - The last time I was really angry was when I was fighting with my sister’s trash boyfriend (soon to be ex). I was angry because he’s a narcissist, immature, mooch, liar, disrespectful, abusive, toxic and he was purposely talking at my sister and me when we were trying to gather her things and he was also sitting on the phone with his mom and purposely saying things loudly like: “Oh yeah! HUGE burden lifted off my shoulders!” I just hate him, so yes I still feel the same way and if I could kill him I would. If I end up on the show Women Who Kill, now you know why. (Don’t get me started on his mother sitting on the other line listening to him berate his girlfriend and then coming up a week later and acting like her best friend)

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? - My mom. I’m probably crying on the phone but I would tell her I loved her and how much I respect her and appreciate everything about her and then I would probably pray on the phone with her.

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? - I would probably tell people, tbh because I’d probably be writing about it. With my remaining days, I’d probably spend so much time with my family and I’d be praying and in my bible a lot. I feel like I would be scared, but I also know where I’m going when I die and who I’m going to see so there would be a peace about it.

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love or trust? - In my opinion, they’re the same thing. With love comes trust, and with trust comes love. To answer the question, I choose love first because I feel like I was created for love and love is so important even if it’s not platonic or romantic. It can be as simple as loving yourself or helping strangers and being kind to them. I think love is very freeing so of course I’d choose that first. There’s so much joy and freedom in love, you’d be crazy not to choose it. I feel like love opens you in a million different ways and you just become your fully radiant self.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? - Um, I saved the dogs like because I’m not HEARTLESS?! my boss can suck it and i can find a different job. also pick your battles. i’d rather save an animals life than go to work knowing i let a puppy drown bc i wanted to save my own ass. there’s other jobs out there. 

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? - Interesting question because the person you trust the most is probably the person you love the most. I think both would hurt, but I’d go with love because I feel love can recover from hurts and it’s easy to forgive when you love someone. When it’s broken trust, it cuts and scars deeper and it takes a long time to repair that.

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? - I’d probably be as considerate as I can, but I would just tell them that I don’t feel the same way. If we’re talking about my actual best friend, she is bisexual and I’m straight so there would be no way that I had feelings for her so I would tell her I appreciate her trusting me enough to tell me and being bold enough to tell me but that I don’t see a relationship between us. 

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? - Yes, because I feel like I’d give anything, even a moment, to have one more conversation with him. Even if it was just to look at him for one more second.

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? - No, because I feel like I don’t reach out enough. I’m very introverted so I’m fine just being alone and I find I’m more comfortable that way. I love my friends, but I’m just not very proactive as a friend. I feel that way at least.

11. Does love = sex? - No, love is more than that.

12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? - It would really depend on how I felt. If I really felt like that was something I needed to do, I would. But I can’t honestly say that I would leave because I just don’t know. That’s a really tough question.

13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? - A few months ago when I ended a friendship. I wouldn’t say it was super difficult to say, but I felt bad for having to end the friendship. I just had to explain that I didn’t feel like we had a connection anymore and I felt like we were only friends because we were familiar and not because there was anything truly meaningful in the friendship. I feel bad sometimes that I ended the friendship but I felt like we were going in two separate directions and when I expressed concerns about her relationship she never listened and I just kept feeling like she wasn’t who I thought she was and it bothered me to the point I just didn’t feel like the friendship was beneficial anymore.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? - I feel like it’s harder to tell someone you love them because the stakes are higher. There’s rejection, heartbreak and humiliation that you’re risking or ruining a friendship/relationship. When you tell someone you don’t love them back, it’s hard to say because you probably don’t want to hurt them but you’re the one who gets to walk away unscathed. They’re the ones stuck with the aftermath of disappointment, rejection, embarrassment, and hurt.

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? - My writing, because it’s my love and passion and dream. It would be like losing part of who I am and there are so many times i’ve considered putting it down and walking away but I never can.

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? - I usually say it randomly. I don’t know the last time I said it, but I do tend to say it a lot. Generally in texts or on the phone. I think the last person I told was probably my mom.

17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? - This isn’t deep, but I would stop myself from saying to my mom: “Jen and I are going to the shoe company” bc now she prob knows what her present is.

18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? - My mom!!

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? - Yes, because I’m not cruel? I would try anyway. I sort of learned CPR in grade 10 but I don’t remember much. So I would do my best but I would call 911 probably.

21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? - This is a messed up question.

22. Are you old fashioned? - I don’t know. A little bit, but not really. I feel a little more progressive.

23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? - Every day. If you’re only nice to people to get something back, you’re not a nice person.

24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? - I guess the first one. I spend so much of my life wanting to avoid the guarantee of any kind of brokenness, but my mom has always said that if she knew my dad was going to die young and their time was limited she would still do it all over again because he was worth it. I feel like life without love isn’t a life, so I would take the broken heart just to experience love on a grand scale. I also feel like you’re broken for some time but good can come out of it, so it’s not always a tragedy.

25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? - A full life. Full in the sense of love and satisfaction and dreams achieved. Like a big life.