#and am still drunk. lulz

[myownprivatcidaho]

went to the wedding of s very dear friend snd cant show the faces of others but the time was beautiful and everyone snd everything was beautiful<33333

[tuanyiems]

To Tango

Yugyeom x Fem Reader Genre: fluff, a little angst, smut Words: 12k [Masterlist in blog description] Plot: Sequel to Take Two (Arranged Marriage AU) Part of the Marriage Life AU series. You and Yugyeom have decided to take things slow now that you are starting over on the right foot. This proves to be more difficult when your insecurities about your virginity grow larger and Yugyeom’s dance partners get prettier and sexier with each routine. Warning: gyeom and reader need to work on their communication lulz, loss of virginity, fingering, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, unprotected sex, riding, creampie, a brief moment of unintentional cockwarming lol

-

“Oh, and the sex, Y/N!” Anna let out a dreamy sigh, plopping her head against the couch cushion dramatically, her third glass of wine swirling dangerously in her hand. “I thought we were great in bed before, but engagement sex! Y/N, it’s absolutely mind-blowing!”

You giggle in response to your best friend, lips on the edge of your own wine glass as you nursed your first cup.

Anna reaches out her left hand, eyes crinkling at the sparkling ring on her finger. “I can’t wait to get married and have newlywed sex! Is it even better, Y/N?”

You cough in surprise, mouthful of wine spilling back into your glass.

“Oh dear, are you okay?” Anna reaches over, patting you on the back. She glances over cautiously. “You know, I heard most couples need time to learn each other’s bodies. Not all men can be like Jungkook. It gets better, don’t worry!”

“No!” You looked up in surprise, cheeks heating up. “It’s not that it’s bad. Yugyeom isn’t bad…or well, I don’t…he’s probably not.”

“Wait!” She shakes her head in disbelief, slamming down her wine glass on the coffee table. “I thought you and Yugyeom were getting along! It’s been a whole year, Y/N!”

“W-we are,” you stutter, looking away.

“But you’re still a virgin?” Anna asks slowly. You gulp down the rest of your glass, squeezing your eyes shut in embarrassment as you reluctantly nod.

“Aww, it’s okay…sex isn’t even that…good.”

You roll your eyes, giggling at the obvious lie. “Stop Anna, you looked like you were in actual pain just saying that.”

She grinned, flashing a row of plum teeth. “Sex is amazing, Y/N, I’m sorry.”

You shrug your shoulders, pouring more wine into your glasses. “I’m sure I’ll find out eventually. Yugyeom and I are just taking things slow.”

“Of course, there’s no rush!” Anna smiles reassuringly.

“Right, no rush.” You agree, nodding your head with conviction. Deep down though, you’re worried. After the two of you finally cleared the air of your misunderstandings last year, you both agreed to take things slow, get to know each other as friends first. Of course, this was more for Yugyeom. You had already been head over heels for him two years prior to him ever knowing your name. As time passed, your feelings for Yugyeom only grew stronger, but you weren’t sure you could say the same for him.

It took months for him to come to terms with you being his wife, you didn’t want to scare him away by asking for anything more. But a whole year has passed since then and the two of you hang out more like roommates than a married couple.

The first time you went on a real date, it got so awkward that Yugyeom literally called up Bambam to break the silence. The last time you tried to hold Yugyeom’s hand he flinched like you were going to chop his fingers off or something. Ever since then, you’ve given up, relishing instead on your casual nights in watching k-dramas and weekly grocery store runs. Those count as dates, right?

“Everyone has their own pace Y/N,” Anna adds, as if she could hear your worried thoughts. “There’s no order to when you’re supposed to get married or have sex. Don’t worry about it.”

You look at her with a pout. “Even if we’ve never kissed?”

“YOU’VE NEVER KISSED?!”

You laugh, half at her reaction and half in agony as you nod.

“What the hell is wrong with Yugyeom?” Anna yelled out indignantly. 

You smile sheepishly, brushing your fingers through your hair in defeat. “Maybe he doesn’t want to kiss me. We hang out like bros. I think I’ve been friendzoned.”

“Nonsense! There’s something wrong with that boy if he doesn’t want to kiss you. Even I want to kiss you sometimes! That’s how hot you are!”

You laugh, collapsing into the couch cushions at your friend’s bug-eyed expression. “Anyways, it’s not that big of a problem. In his defense, he’s only just gotten to know me. I’m not as outgoing as you Anna, my charms are a little harder to see.”

“No way, Yugyeom’s just blind. That, or he’s a coward! You need to grab that boy by the collar and show him exactly what he’s missing out on. Just grab him and plant a wet one on him!”

You chuckle, shaking your head. “I think that’s called assault, Anna. We’ll get there in due time. No rush.”

“No rush about what?” Yugyeom interrupts, entering through the front door. He had just come back from the dance studio. You avert your eyes. Even after a long day of dancing in track pants and a plain white tee, hair stuffed into a black cap, Yugyeom still looks irresistible. 

“Are you two drinking again?” He asks after no answer, approaching the two of you on the couch.

You smile sheepishly, twirling the red wine in your glass.

“Yes we are! Have to get rid of our frustrations somehow!” Anna barks back, pouring more wine into both of your glasses.

“This is my second glass,” You tell him quietly when he glances from Anna back to you, questioningly. 

Yugyeom raises his brow skeptically, leaning over the couch to get a closer look. You gulp, eyes trailing the tip of his nose and the curve of his cupid’s bow. He’s so close; you could smell the lingering scent of the outside air mixed with his faded cologne. 

“Your second glass?” he asks, eyes trained on yours like he could read your thoughts if he stares hard enough. You pray that isn’t true.

You nod quietly.

“Then why are your cheeks so pink? I think you’re already drunk!” He declares, standing up straight. Anna laughs, looking at you with a knowing smile.

“Did you eat dinner yet?” You change the subject quickly.

He smiles down at you before stepping away. “Yeah, I’m gonna go shower and then head to bed. Don’t keep her up too late, Anna!”

“That’s your job, Mr. Hubby,” Anna mumbles under her breath, snickering when your eyes widen, and you turn back to check if he heard. Yugyeom is already down the hallway though.

You pout, sinking into your seat. “Don’t say it!”

“You’ve got the hots for your husband!” Anna sings with excitement, nudging you teasingly.

You can only groan into the couch cushions because you know she’s absolutely right.

Of course, by now everyone knows you’ve had the hots for your husband ever since you laid eyes on him as a freshman in college. You were like the Cinderella of arranged marriages on campus. You agreed with it yourself. It wasn’t every day that parents matched their daughters up with their longtime crushes.

But that was a sweet and innocent time in your life, when you’d have daydreams of cooking dinner with him and he’d help tie your apron from behind. Maybe even tuck a stray hair behind your ear. Now your daydreams are far more…mature.

So, when you send Anna on her way and turn around to see Yugyeom stepping out of the shower, striped pajama pants on, and only striped pajama pants on, you are a bit breathless, to say the least. 

“Jungkook picked Anna up?” he asks nonchalantly, water droplets dripping off his wet hair and falling down his chest.

You beg your buzzed brain not to follow the wet trail. Your mouth waters anyways.

“Mhm,” you manage out after a pause.

He chuckles, his hands coming to cup your cheeks. “Are you sure you only had two glasses? You seem out of it.”

“I’m fine,” you laugh nervously, shuffling out of his grasp. “Anyways, aren’t you tired? You should head to bed.”

“I am,” he smiles. “You too? Do you have a long day tomorrow?”

“I’m gonna be in the kitchen all day. I have to practice a couple recipes.”

“I’ll help!” he grins, shoulders squeezing together happily.

You scrunch your nose, landing a soft punch on his bicep. “I sense ulterior motives. I’ll take it though!”

He laughs, patting your head good naturedly. “Then it’s settled. Just wake me up when you start.”

You smile, watching as Yugyeom turns towards his bedroom, fresh muscle relief patches stamped across his back. He had been in the studio nonstop all week. Ever since changing his major, he’s been overworking himself to make up lost time. And now he’s spending his day off to help you.

You are grateful that he no longer gives you the cold shoulders. In fact, you have a gut feeling he’s been trying to make up for his past behavior by doing favors for you. You keep telling him that everything’s been forgiven, but the boy doesn’t listen.

He’s truly been nothing but sweet.

So, it should be okay that you two sleep in different beds at night. Lots of arranged couples do. You should just be happy you got to marry such a kind man. It’s okay that he doesn’t love you, you’re lucky nonetheless. Eventually, you two will become best friends. 

Best friends last longer than lovers, you’ve been told.

But when you tuck yourself into bed that night, you can’t help but feel a little bit colder than usual. 

-

“So, how can I help?” Yugyeom asks, hands on his hips as he sports your far too small, far too pink apron.

You giggle at the sight, sliding the cutting board towards him. “Can you dice the veggies, please?”

“Yes Chef!” he salutes you playfully.

You chuckle, bringing out the other ingredients for your recipe. The sleepyhead woke up at noon and insisted on helping you before even brushing his teeth. Of course, you ushered him into the bathroom soon enough, but it was harder to kick him out of the kitchen. 

You glance at the back of his hair, strands curling up in opposite directions like wild flowers. You’d think the image of Yugyeom looking the very opposite of his appearance in the dance studio would damage your infatuation with him, but instead you found his clumsiness endearing. 

There are a lot of cool bad boys out there. You’re glad Yugyeom is one of the good ones. Sometimes you fear he’s too good. Like maybe he’s being nice because he feels guilty still or maybe even sorry. You bite your lip. You would hate it if he were only acting this nice because he felt sorry for you. 

“Oh my god, Y/N!” Yugyeom yells, breaking you out of your thoughts. “You’re gonna cut yourself like that!”

You look down at your chopping board, fingers dangerously close to the knife. “Oh.”

“And you tried to kick me out of the kitchen. I should be the one nagging you!” he chides, taking the knife away from you. “I’ll finish up the chopping, you can start cooking.”

You nod, feeling your cheeks heat.

“How are your classes going?” he asks, popping a slice of carrot into his mouth.

“Pretty good. I just can’t wait to graduate.”

Yugyeom lets out a soft chuckle. “Same.”

“Extra year was worth it though, wasn’t it?” You grin, filling a measuring cup with water.

He answers with a wink. It makes your stomach flip.

“I never said thanks,” he starts, going back to chopping vegetables. You look at him curiously, waiting for him to continue. “For convincing me to change my major. And supporting me this whole time. I don’t think I would be here without you.”

You shake your head, busying your hands as your cheeks flush once more. “It was all you. I wouldn’t invest in something I didn’t believe in. You had it in you the whole time.”

“Ah, stop it,” he bumps shoulders with yours gently.

You couldn’t help the growing smile on your face as memories from last year floods you.

Yugyeom looked like a nervous puppy in front of his father. You were sure if he had a tail it would be tucked between his legs right now.

You never thought of the Kim family as intimidating. Although the first time you met your in-laws they were angry whispering to each other with Yugyeom over the arranged marriage, they have always been nothing but kind to you. And when you and Yugyeom started getting along, they became even more jovial, showering you with household gifts and random text messages of affection. 

However, Yugyeom’s respect for his parents was immeasurable and in front of his father, he became a little boy.

So here he was, face as pale as snow, about to break the news to his father.

You reached out to him, taking hold of his hand quietly. He flinched at the touch before offering you a nervous smile back. You squeezed his clammy hands in yours. 

It was the first time you truly felt like Yugyeom’s wife. The two of you were in this together and you were going to support your husband’s happiness even if it meant going against his parents.

As it turned out, Yugyeom’s parents were more than understanding. Disappointed, yes, but after you gave your reassurance that you supported his decision, they were all on board with him pursuing dance. 

You chuckled to yourself, remembering how Yugyeom’s frightened face had melted back into his usual boyish excitement. There was something very pure in the way he expressed himself. It was part of the charm that drew you in, in the first place.

You glance his way, catching him bouncing his shoulders up and down to a beat only he could hear. Sometimes you wonder what goes on in that brain of his. 

Yugyeom’s knife stops midair. He turns to you abruptly with arched brows. You blink back nervously. But instead of saying anything, he breaks into a big smile before returning to the vegetables, his body grooving back and forth in a little jig. You chuckle softly, shaking your head. Whatever’s in that brain of his, you don’t have to worry about it. 

“Wow, this is delicious!” Yugyeom exclaims, taking another big bite of your dish. You smile, placing your hands on your hips with satisfaction. “You deserve an A++!”

“You say that about all my food,”

“I mean it this time! It’s so good.”

“Oh, so you didn’t mean it the other times?” You give a playful pout, pushing the plate closer to your side. “I’m eating this alone!”

“Aww, hey! You know what I meant,” he whines, scooting closer to get another bite.

You laugh, taking the dish into your arms as you swat his hands away. He only pushes closer, wrapping his arms around you.

“Just one more bite!” he whines, squeezing you against his chest.

“All mine!” You grin, grabbing another spoonful. You swirl the spoon around teasingly before aiming for your own mouth, but before you could bite down, Yugyeom squeezes you closer, sticking his head cheek-to-cheek against yours and successfully steals the bite.

You gasp, face flushing at his close proximity and then watch as the plate slips from your nervous hand. Almost as if in slow motion, you see the contents of your dish spill onto Yugyeom’s grey sweatpants. Your eyes double in size the liquid sinks into the fabric of his pants and the rest falls to the floor in thunderous claps. 

You blink, frozen, until you take in a sudden breath and collapse to your knees.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” You immediately apologize, wiping at his pants hastily.

“Oh, hey hey hey!” Yugyeom grabs at your hands, flustered. “I-I can wipe myself. Don’t worry about it.”

You look at the red flush across Yugyeom’s face, reaching towards his ears and all the way down his neck. Your palms go clammy in his as you realize your precarious position. You glance at the wet spot near his crotch and then back at his wavering pupils.

“I’m so sorry!” You apologize again, for different reasons this time, as you fumble back to your feet.

He only shakes his head vigorously, unable to meet your eyes as he lets go of your hands. 

“It’s my fault,” he says, rushing to the kitchen counters to grab a kitchen towel. “I was playing around too much.”

 “Yeah, you were,” you agree, taking the towel from him with a sympathetic smile. He looks at you with a pout. “I’ll clean up the mess, you should go change.”

He lets out a sigh before consenting, heading towards his room with his head low. In the privacy of his bedroom, Yugyeom lets out a deep exhale, his heart thrumming in his chest. He hopes you hadn’t noticed.

He looks down, pulling his sweatpants off. Please go down, but instead thoughts of you return to his mind. If he is being honest, it isn’t the first time he’s imagined you in that kind of position, but to have it actually happen—you, on your knees, right below him—and the way you looked up at him with your big, shiny eyes. All you had to do was lick your lips and he would’ve came in his pants.

“Fuck,” he whispers, looking back down. “Go down, go down, go down.”

-

You sit in Jungkook’s apartment, watching beside Anna as the two boys bicker about the latest trendy dance on TikTok. You laugh, watching as your husband grows red in the face from laughing so hard. He didn’t even drink tonight.

“What are you grinning about, huh?” Anna teases, refilling your glass with more sangria. 

You point at Jungkook just as he begins rapping nonsense to the cellphone that is leaning dangerously against a half empty water bottle, off the edge of their coffee table.

“That’s the guy you’re about to marry,” you deadpan. “And that’s the man I’m married to.”

You look solemnly at Yugyeom who is now flailing tissues around as he hypes Jungkook up in the background.

Anna chuckles, clinking her glass against yours. “A bunch a fools, we are.”

You gulp down the fresh glass before breaking out into a grimace. Anna definitely put more brandy into the second pitcher of sangria. You look back at your friend with a frown.

She only laughs in response. “What? It’s not like you’re driving yourself home, that’s what the husband is for!”

“True!” You laugh, drinking more. 

Yugyeom scowls, giving Anna a reprimanding click with his tongue. “You’re such a bad influence, Anna!”

She feigns offense, turning to him with her mouth wide open. “Excuse me? Who’s the one that brought you guys together, hmm?”

“Our parents,” Yugyeom retorts, a pleased grin on his face. You chuckle, earning yourself a glare from your friend.

“But I was the one that brought Y/N to the dance studio and stopped you two from divorcing each other,” Anna pouts, squeezing your arm for backup. You only giggled more, sipping on your glass of sangria.

“Speaking of the dance studio,” Jungkook starts, breaking the little spat between Anna and Yugyeom. “You’re working on that new routine with Lisa, right?”

You let out a sigh that only Anna notices. She gives your arm another squeeze, well aware of your concerns.

For the past couple of weeks, you had been complaining to Anna about Lisa. In all honesty, there was nothing real to complain about. Lisa was one of the sweetest girls you have ever met, and her dancing was some of the best you had ever seen. But that was exactly what was wrong. Lisa wasn’t just perfect, she also went perfectly with Yugyeom. The two shared an unrivaled chemistry on the dance floor and that did nothing to curb your own insecurities over your relationship. 

It doesn’t help that Yugyeom is spending hours of his day to perfect his new dance routine with her.

But how could you even tell Yugyeom this? You were the one that pushed him to pursue dancing!

You stretch out your legs on the couch, wiggling your toes with a frown on your face. You really shot yourself in the foot this time around.

“Bro, don’t remind me,” Yugyeom sighs, much to your own surprise. You perk up, turning your attention to him and ignoring the snort from Anna. “I’m going to kill Bambam.”

“Why, what happened?” Jungkook asks.

“Yeah, what happened?” you insist, a little too eagerly.

Yugyeom turns to you with a frown. “Bambam took Lisa ice skating and she sprained her ankle.”

“Oh no,” you mutter, pressing the wine glass back to your lips to hide the smile spreading across your face.

You feel Anna’s elbow dig into your side.

“Aww, go Bambam though,” Anna cheers. “Hasn’t he been in love with her for forever?”

Yugyeom rolls his eyes, walking over to plop next to you on the couch. His arm naturally reaches overhead, leaning on the cushion just above your head. You swallow, overly aware of his body next to yours.

“It wasn’t even a date, Anna,” he sighs, shaking his head in disbelief. He looks at you then before adding, “That’s why I’ve been at the studio longer than usual. Learning the routine with a new partner is so stressful.”

“Who’s your new partner?” Jungkook asks, squeezing himself next to Anna.

“She’s an underclassman. I don’t know if you know her. Does Chungha ring a bell?”

You watch Jungkook’s expression remain unimpressed as he shrugs. “Nope.”

Pleased with his response, you relax your shoulders and unintentionally lean into Yugyeom. If it weren’t for the alcohol and your slow reflexes, you would’ve sat back up, but Yugyeom presses back into you before you can move. When you feel his hand slide around you, you tip the rest of your glass into your mouth.

“You guys wanna come watch us practice?” Yugyeom offers, seemingly unaware of your wildly beating heart. 

Jungkook and Anna agrees quickly, leaving you with no choice but to watch another woman dance with your husband. The only thing that was making you feel better though is the fact that she isn’t Lisa and of course, the additional helping of sangria from your best friend.

When it is finally time for you and Yugyeom to head home, you are completely drunk. You have no idea how he was able to get you to and from the car but when you are finally sober enough to open your eyes without feeling like the world is spinning, you find yourself sprawled on your living room couch. 

“One day I’m gonna get Jungkook shitfaced and toss him to Anna. See how much she likes it,” he grumbles under his breath as he approaches you. “Oh, you’re awake.”

You giggle, still drunk enough to ignore your usual nerves. “They’d probably just have drunk sex, Yugy.”

Yugyeom blushes, sitting next to you on the couch. “Let’s wipe your makeup off Y/N,” he replies, ignoring your comment.

You turn to him with your eyes closed, laughing when the cool towelette touches your skin. He chuckles against you.

“Stop laughing.”

“It tickles!”

“Just a little bit more,”

You sigh in relief, opening your eyes again to see Yugyeom tossing the dirty wipes into the trashcan. 

“Come on, let’s go brush our teeth,” he beckons.

Your lips jut out instinctively as you cross your arms defiantly. “Do it for me!”

Yugyeom lets out a sigh but a smile quickly breaks onto his face anyways. He always complained to Anna about getting you drunk, but the truth is that he could never get truly mad. How could he when your drunken self becomes a cute little monster? 

You are annoyingly adorable.

Even during the early months of your marriage when Yugyeom was adamant on hating you, he could never get over how cute you became when you were drunk. While he found your normal self already quite endearing, it was a different pleasure to see your guard slip down.

Grabbing your toothbrush and spreading a pinch of toothpaste over the bristles, he smiles as he walks back over to you. Your eyes open again, feeling him approach. You flash him a bright smile, showing off your wine-stained teeth. 

Chuckling in defeat, he pushes your toothbrush against your smile and begins brushing. You watch him with lazy eyes, smile still adorn on your lips. It makes his skin flush under your gaze. Maybe you are still very drunk, but time feels like it stops. 

It’s not often that Yugyeom gets to see you with your guard down. You are always a little shy and always put together. Whether it is helping him talk to his own parents or waking up early to make him lunch, you are always the one helping him and rarely is it ever the other way around.

It’s why times like these, Yugyeom takes his time memorizing your features.

On normal days, Yugyeom already thinks you are perfect.

On nights like tonight, he thinks you are perfectly imperfect.

And that makes you all the more beautiful.

All too soon, it is time to put you to bed. He is surprised you’re even still awake. It’s way past midnight, which is way past your usual 10PM bedtime.

“It’s time to sleep now, Y/N. Can you walk or should I carry you?”

You glance at him, fiddling with your thumbs. “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

Yugyeom chokes on his own spit. “Y-you don’t want to sleep in your own bed?”

You shake your head with a pout. “I wanna stay with you.”

He lets out a breath before taking a seat next to you on the couch. It shouldn’t be a surprise that your drunk self is being clingy, but Yugyeom can’t help his thoughts from wandering to the other day when you spilled food all over his pants.

You pat his thigh, leaning closer. He gulps, feeling nervous suddenly.

“Yugy, what’s your ideal type?”

The question catches him off guard. It’s not until you squeeze his thigh again that he remembers to answer.

“I-um...”

He glances down at your wide eyes. The anticipation in your gaze is evident.

“I like someone who makes me want to know more about her,” he finally answers.

His answer is almost sobering enough. You feel your heart dropping. 

“What type of wife do you want then?”

Yugyeom wants to laugh at your sudden interrogation but you look so serious. He looks away, pretending to think deeply about your question. The truth is though, he can barely think with you so close to him. The only thing he can think to respond with is you. Of course it’s you. It could only be you.

Before Yugyeom could even accept the idea of marriage, he had already fallen for his wife. Against his will and against his pride, you had snuck into his heart.

When he looks back at you, you feel a flutter in your chest. You wonder if your buzz has gotten to your head. Hope rises in your heart the longer he stares.

“I want a wife who doesn’t like wine so much,” he lets out a small laugh when you immediately frown. If only he could kiss the pout on your lips.

Yugyeom sits up, thinking you’ve finished but you’re quick to keep him seated. With the last bits of alcohol giving you courage, you throw your leg across his lap and straddle him, palms flat against his chest.

“I want a real answer, Yugy,” you pout, too involved in your own questions to see the way Yugyeom’s entire face has gone red. “What’s something I can do that you find really charming?”

He looks at you like a deer caught in headlights. The longer it takes for him to answer, the more you begin to question whether you’ve crossed a line. But Yugyeom is just trying to form a coherent sentence in his mind, anything to keep you from pressing further into him and realizing that you’ve given him a semi.

When he doesn’t answer, you bite at your lip, crestfallen.

You know you should have seen this coming, but it still hurts. He couldn’t even think of a lie to tell?

The next question leaves you in a whisper, “Why aren’t you attracted to me?”

Yugyeom’s eyes grow big with alarm. The sadness on your face is so apparent and it makes his stomach ache with guilt. Why would you ever think this? He is literally hard right now because of you!

“I am!” He shouts back immediately.

You look back at him, but your eyes say you don’t believe him. 

“I am, I really am! Why would you even ask?”

“Then,” you sink into him, shoulders slouching. “Why won’t you kiss me?”

Yugyeom looks at you, then your lips, and feels the heat rise to his cheeks. He wants to kiss you right now. He has never wanted to kiss you more than now, but you’re drunk. What if this is just the alcohol talking?

Before he can say anything though, your arms are wrapping around his neck and pushing him against you. Your lips are soft on his and you taste minty from the toothpaste.

You feel a shiver in your spine when he starts to kiss back. Soft at first, and then his arms are squeezing around your waist and you’re running your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer until it feels impossible to breathe.

It doesn’t matter. You decide kissing Yugyeom takes priority over breathing.

You moan against him when he slides his tongue into your mouth. When you rut against him, you can feel his hardness through his jeans. It sends a thrill through your body. You rub yourself harder against him, savoring the way he muffles a groan against your lips.

But when you slip your hands underneath his shirt, feeling his hot skin, Yugyeom pushes you away.

“Wait,” he mutters, catching his breath. “Y/N, we can’t.”

“What are talking about? Who’s going to stop us?” You chuckle, trying to sneak your hands back onto him, but Yugyeom is quick to grab your wrist.

He inwardly curses himself, cringing at the tightness in his pants, but he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he took advantage of you while you were drunk. He is not going to share your first time together when you aren’t fully sober. It is wrong no matter how much you insist on it.

With a sigh, he lifts you off of him and stands up.

“We can’t, Y/N. Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

You feel a wave of heat rise to your face as your eyes fill with tears. You stare at Yugyeom’s feet, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes. 

“Come on,” he beckons, reaching for your hand.

Pulling away, you get up on your own. Without a word, you walk into your bedroom and slam the door shut.

And as you lay in bed, hot tears spill out endlessly.

-

You stand at the entrance of the dance studio, a sick feeling in your stomach. Yugyeom left early this morning so you were never able to talk about what happened last night.

“Are you going to open the door or what?” Anna looks at you sternly. “What happened between you two? Why are you acting so weird?”

“Yeah, did you lose your virginity or something?” Jungkook jokes.

“Anna!” You yell out, appalled. 

She looks back at you with wide eyes, putting her hands in the air. “It wasn’t me, I swear!”

“Yeah, Yugyeom told me months ago,” Jungkook chuckles, a pleased smile on his face.

“Okay, I’m going home.”

Before you could march away and find a cliff to jump off of, Anna and Jungkook are pulling you by the arms and into the studio.

“Hey, you guys made it!” Yugyeom greets you cheerfully. He glances over to you and a pink hue dusts his cheeks. He rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly, unsure of what to do until a girl approaches him. You blink, breath caught in your throat when you see how beautiful she is. “Oh um, this is my new dance partner, Chungha!”

You bite at your lip, noticing far too quickly how Yugyeom’s mood changes at the sight of her. But could you blame him? In just a basic pair of black leggings and sports bra, you could see how toned her body was. Her big, bright eyes blink back at you, and you could see the fluttering of her long lashes. She looks flawless.

And then she smiles.

To think, you had been relieved Lisa was no longer his dance partner. No wonder he isn’t attracted to you. You wouldn’t be either if you were surrounded by women like Lisa and Chungha all day.

“It’s nice to meet you all!” she greets cheerfully. “I can’t wait to get your feedback.”

“Same, Yugyeom said you’re a great dancer,” Jungkook adds.

She smilsd shyly, sharing a look with Yugyeom. “That means a lot. I don’t know if I can meet those expectations though.”

“Nonsense,” Yugyeom rolls his eyes, pushing her shoulder playfully. “Stop pretending to be humble.”

As the two laugh in their own world, you finger at the end of your t-shirt uncomfortably. They have only been practicing the dance together not too long ago but they already look so close.

“Oh!” Yugyeom looks back at you, almost like an afterthought. “This is my wife by the way!”

“Oh!” Chungha exclaims, eyes wide as if she were seeing you for the first time. “It’s so great to finally meet you! When Yugyeom said he was married I was so surprised, but you are so cute!”

You force out a smile, accepting the compliment—though, you wonder if it really was. It sure didn’t feel like one. 

“Well, we won’t hold you up anymore!” Anna interrupts, rubbing your arm comfortingly. “We’ll go make ourselves comfy while you two get ready.”

“Hey, it’s our sister-in-laws!” Bambam and Taehyung welcome you from their seat by the mirrors.

“Soon,” Anna grins coyly, sharing a look with Jungkook.

Ignoring the two lovebirds, Taehyung grabs your arm, ushering you to take a seat between him and Bambam.

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” he pouts before flashing his iconic square smile. You answer with a weak one of your own.

“How long have you two been here?”

“Since the morning. We had to practice our routines too,” Taehyung answers.

“Yeah, and those two have been at it since we got here. I think knowing there’d be a live audience today made her nervous,” Bambam adds, referring to Chungha.

“It’s just us though,” 

“Still,” Taehyung shrugs his shoulders. “This is her first performance since starting uni.”

You glance at the two who are currently crouched over a tablet and reviewing a video of their practice. She is giggling over something Yugyeom had said and is slapping his shoulder playfully.

You frown. “Doesn’t look nervous to me.”

Taehyung smirks, bending his head to meet your eyes. “Is someone jealous?”

You frown even more, lip jutting out in a pout.

“Aw, poor baby, it’s okay Y/N,” Taehyung chuckle, patting your head. “She’s harmless.”

“Tae!”

You both look over to see Yugyeom staring from across the room. His eyes meet yours briefly before he averts his eyes to Taehyung.

“Can you come over for a second? We need a second opinion,” he says. 

“We do?” Chungha asks softly.

You sigh, hugging your knees. 

Bambam chuckles beside you. “It’s hard work liking someone, isn’t it?”

You turn your head, giving him an empathetic smile. “You of all people should know.”

You watch Bambam’s shoulders slump, slightly regretting your comment when you see the look on his face. But Bambam is quick to recover.

“Yugyeom cares for you more than you think.”

You have a hard time believing that, memories of last night’s embarrassment resurfacing again. Instead, you cross your arms and turn your whole body away from the three across from you towards Bambam.

“She called me cute,” you pout.

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

You sigh. “Not when it’s coming from someone who’s drop dead gorgeous. Cute sounds like an insult.”

Bambam shakes his head in disbelief but doesn’t try to change your mind. 

“Sounds like insecurity to me.”

You feel a flush across your cheeks. “Yeah well! Maybe I wouldn’t be if…”

“If?”

You bite at your lip. If Yugyeom had continued kissing you last night? If you went all the way with him? If you hadn’t spent an entire year essentially being friendzoned by your own husband?

You sigh. “I don’t know.”

Bambam gives you a pat on the back. “I’m sure whatever it is, it’s just another misunderstanding. Just talk it out.”

You nod, not wanting to talk about your relationship problems anymore.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Taehyung announces, jumping to the center of the room like a TV host. “May I introduce to you, for the first time ever! Yugyeom and Chungha!”

You clap along weakly as everyone cheers. But the sick feeling in your gut only grows once the performance starts.

The dance is a passionate one. Their bodies are constantly tangled together, Yugyeom chasing after Chungha. You dig your nails into the flesh of your palm as Yugyeom presses himself into Chungha’s back side.

But more than the touching, what hurts the most is the way he looks at her. He looks like he wants her. You knew what you were signing yourself up for when you pushed Yugyeom to pursue dancing, but when did he become such a good actor too? 

He’s never looked at you like that before.

It takes a room full of clapping to get you out of your thoughts. You wish you hadn’t though. Chungha is beaming up at Yugyeom and he is looking back like she is the only girl in the room.

“How were you able to watch Lisa do this dance with Yugyeom?” you mutter to Bambam, looking away from the two on the dance floor.

“Trust,” he answers easily. “Besides, Yugyeom’s too dorky for Lisa. She would never fall for him.”

“Hey,” you scold lightly.

“You can either be mad at him or defend him, Y/N. You can’t choose both!”

You roll your eyes, heat rising to your cheeks. “I’m not mad at him, he didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why does Yugyeom keep looking at you like he’s sorry?”

You only sigh, too afraid to say out loud the answer you hold in your heart.

That maybe, he is only sorry because he can’t love you back.

-

You sit on the couch of your living room, absentmindedly spooning your ice cream that is now soup. A couple days have passed and you and Yugyeom are back on good terms. At least on the surface. Silently, the both of you seem to have agreed to pretend what happened the other night on this couch had never happened.

You decided to stop thinking about the way Yugyeom looked at Chungha or how she was so much better than you. Again, you do what you are good at, using your blind optimism to mask the hurt you are feeling inside.

“I’m back!” Yugyeom calls out as he steps through the entrance. He spots the back of your head from the living room and glances at the TV only to find that you are staring at a black screen.

“Hey,” he calls out again more softly, approaching you on the couch.

“Oh, Yugyeom!” You startle, before offering him a smile. “Back from practice?”

“Mhm,” he returns a hesitant smile.

“Aren’t you early? What time is it?” You glance over to the clock on the wall only to find that it is already 9PM. “Oh wow, look at the time! Did you have dinner yet?”

Yugyeom shakes his head, observing how your eyes never quite focus, glancing at his torso briefly before darting back to your bowl of melted ice cream and then the clock on the wall.

“I left some dinner for you in the kitchen, you just have to heat it up.” You place your bowl on the coffee table. “Want me to get it for you?”

He places a hand on your thigh, stopping you from leaving your seat. “I got it.”

He rises to his feet before pausing. Yugyeom looks at you, his eyebrows arching with concern. He stares for a moment. Ever since you guys came back from the dance studio together, you had been quiet. Everything you did and said felt a little too robotic. A little cold even, like you were keeping him at a distance. And then he thought about your lips. The way they felt against his that night—cool from the aftertaste of toothpaste, but hot against his tongue. 

“Yugyeom?”

He swallows. “N-Nothing.”

You look at him for a moment longer before forcing out a smile. “Let me just heat up your dinner and then I’ll head to bed!”

Yugyeom watches as you hastily leave him for the kitchen. It is obvious that you are still bothered and this time around, Yugyeom is sure he knows why. But he doesn’t even know how to start talking about it. He can’t even think about the other night without feeling like a flustered mess.

And by the way you are smiling at him, it feels like you don’t want to talk about it either.

Were you embarrassed about it? Was he right and it was just the alcohol talking? Maybe you were regretting it now.

“It’ll only take another minute and you can take it off the stove,” you smile up at him, giving his arm a pat before you walk away.

“T-Thanks,” he mutters. “Good night.”

You smile weakly before closing the door.

Yugyeom sighs, staring at his dinner on the stove. Even when you aren’t feeling your best, you still take care of him. He wonders how he can make you happy.

His thoughts wander to Taehyung. What if it was him you had walked in on at the dance studio during your freshman year? Would you have fallen for Taehyung instead?

He had seen the way Tae looked at you the night of the party. It was the first night since the wedding that you had gotten all dolled up. He saw you as soon as you stepped through the door. He was sure everyone had their eyes on you.

Even with his own stubbornness back then, he couldn’t stand watching everyone eyeing you at the party. Although he had been determined to avoid you that night, it was the look Tae gave you that drew the line for him.

Since then, you and Tae have become close friends. It annoyed the hell out of him especially when Tae was blatantly flirting with you just to get on his nerves, but he couldn’t even complain. It was karma. He deserves it for the months of hell he put you through.

You may have liked him first, but Yugyeom wonders if you’d still like him for long. With the way things are going, it seems like you are going to realize how subpar of a husband he is and leave him for someone better.

The very thought makes Yugyeom want to hurl. 

He shuts off the stove with a sigh. Why is he so bad at communicating with you? 

Despite being tired from practice, that night, Yugyeom couldn’t sleep. His thoughts keep going back to you and the sad smile on your face tonight. He did that.

And now here he was, hiding in his bed like a coward. Sitting up, Yugyeom turns on his lights with a sigh. This was not okay. He was not going to repeat the same mistake again. He had to talk to you.

With a renewed purpose, Yugyeom marches over to your room, but when he stops at your door, he freezes. What is he doing? You’re probably asleep by now. He glances at the clock down the hall. It’s almost midnight.

Maybe he should wait until the morning instead.

Just as he’s about to turn on his heels though, your door opens. You both jump in surprise.

“You’re awake!”

“Yugyeom?” You rub at the sleep in your eyes. “What are you doing out here?”

He shuffles awkwardly. “Oh, I uh…”

You stiffen, anxiety creeping up your spine as you watch him fidget in front of your doorway. For you, there can only be one reason for Yugyeom to be coming to you in the middle of the night.

He must have come to his senses.

Yugyeom takes in a sharp breath, steeling himself. “Can we talk?”

Your stomach sinks. You want to tell him no.

Instead, you quietly step aside and let him through. He sits on the edge of your bed nervously. You stare at him from the doorway still.

“I-” his voice trails off before it can fully start. He bites at his lip, pulling at the chapped skin until it is wet and raw. “I…”

When no other words come, you let out a tired sigh. “Gyeom,”

He looks up at you and you can see the worry digging creases into his forehead. You wish you could push him out of your room. You aren’t ready for this conversation to happen. But Yugyeom looks at you so helplessly, you don’t have the strength to deny him.

So, with a pang in your heart, you speak. “You never answered my question the other night. Not seriously anyways.”

He looks at you curiously and you approach him. “Will you answer me now?”

“I-sure.”

You take a seat next to him, tucking your hands beneath your thighs. “What kind of girl do you actually like?”

Yugyeom turns his head your way, looking lost. “But I did answer you. Someone who makes me want to get to know her.”

You squeeze your shoulders together, staring down at the floor. “So, someone with stories…someone with experience?”

Yugyeom swallows, feeling himself fall deeper into a hole. “N-no! Not necessarily…”

“What about your exes? What were they like?” you glance at him, wanting to watch his face but scared of the honesty you’ll see.

Yugyeom’s face flushes red. “W-what? Where is this coming from, Y/N?”

Your face falls before you drop your head once more. “Nothing, it’s stupid. I just thought…maybe if I changed? Do you think we could ever be more than friends?”

Yugyeom chuckles softly. It feels unnatural in the tense atmosphere though. You wonder if he’s laughing at you. You wonder if the very idea is that absurd to him.

“Y/N, you’re my wife.”

“On paper,” you mutter. You shift on the bed, wringing your hands together. “But you don’t even want to hang out with me much, let alone date.”

“That! That’s because I’m shy!” he blurts. He tugs on your hand to look his way, but you’re too ashamed to look him in the face.

You wonder if you’re being selfish by putting him on the spot like this.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” you resign, pulling your hand out of his grasp. “I know this arrangement was never your choice. And well, you can’t control who you’re attracted to.”

“I’m not lying though. I really like you, Y/N, I’m just…I’m just really shy.”

You frown at his insistence. “You aren’t shy around Chungha or Lisa.”

Yugyeom looks at you surprised. “Chungha and Lisa are just friends! I don’t think of them like that!”

“That’s impossible! Chungha and Lisa are both so pretty and charming and sexy! They’re the whole package!” You glare at him angrily.

“Yeah, maybe for Bambam!”

“I bet you’ve talked to Chungha more times than you’ve ever talked to me,” you grumble, crossing your arms.

“Yeah, well, I could say the same for Taehyung,” Yugyeom blurts, mirroring your posture.

You raise your brows in surprise. “Tae?”

“Don’t play dumb, he was obviously flirting with you at the party.”

“What party?” you turn to him confused. “Wait, are you talking about the party where I first met him a year ago?”

“Yeah, and I bet if you met him any earlier, you would’ve liked him instead!”

You frown, sitting cross legged on the bed so you could face him fully now. “I’ve liked you for two years before you even knew I existed. Don’t try to change the subject when you were flirting with Chungha right in front of me just a few days ago!”

“That was not flirting!”

“Not saying it’s a bad thing! You can flirt with whoever you want because you’re allowed to like whoever you want. Clearly, it’s not me!”

Yugyeom guffaws in exasperation, cupping his forehead with one hand. “Goddammit, but it is you. It’s been you this whole time.”

“I’m a big girl, Gyeom, you can give me the hard truth.”

He straightens, glaring back at you. “You want the truth?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Yugyeom scoots closer to you. “Remember when you and Anna had that bachelorette party?”

You pause, frown deepening. “It wasn’t really a bachelorette party, it was just the two of us drinking wine.”

“Nope, you insisted it was a bachelorette party,” he argues, chest puffing out. “I know this because when you got wasted over a bottle of wine, it was me you called to come get you. It was me who carried you back to your apartment and tucked you into bed, but not before you tried to strip down to your underwear while announcing your virginity to the entire complex.”

You gape at him, horrified. “I did what?”

“And I have liked you ever since,” a small smile stretches across his face. “I found out the perfect, goody two-shoes girl was masquerading as a terrible lap dancer by night and ever since then, I’ve wanted to get to know even more sides of you.”

You close your eyes, pressing a thumb to your temple. “Wait, back up, Gyeom, I gave you a lap dance?”

“Yeah, and a terrible one at that,” he laughs. 

You falter, anger dissipating quickly. “I don’t remember this.”

“That was only the first time, you know,” he looks at you with a small, teasing smile. 

You cringe. “How come you never told me?”

He shrugs. “It happened during the time I was trying really hard not to like you. Anyways, I didn’t think it was something you’d be proud to learn.”

“After seeing all of that,” your voice comes out small, like you want to make a joke, but your tone doesn’t quite match, “wouldn’t you rather someone like Chungha?”

Yugyeom sighs loudly. “What’s with you and Chungha?”

“You two have chemistry,” you admit, lips pouting.

“Because we’re friends,” he explains.

“Then what are we?” You look up at him nervously. He meets you with an equally anxious gaze.

Without answering you, he puts his hands out towards you, palms facing up. When you tilt your head curiously, he takes your hand in his.

“You make me nervous,” he mutters, and you can feel the clamminess of his hot palms against yours. Your brows raise in surprise and you watch as a flush of pink rises to his cheeks. “You think I’m flirting with Chungha, but actually I’ve been trying to flirt with you this whole time. I guess I’m just terrible at it.”

You swallow, not sure what to say to this confession. From the way he looks at you, you know he’s being sincere, which only makes you more confused.

“And I’m terrible at it because,” Yugyeom pauses, face tomato red as he tries to compose himself. He looks away and you grip his hand tighter. “I think you have this idea about me, like I’m cool or something. You’re always saying I inspired you to pursue your dreams, but I think it’s the other way around. And it’s…it’s just a lot of pressure.”

“I-I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you feel this way.”

“I know,” Yugyeom looks at you softly, “because you’re you, and you see the good in everything—even me. But if I’m being honest, that cool guy you had a crush on at the dance studio? I’m not sure I’m him. I’m clumsy and childish and always cause accidents when I’m around you. The closer we get, the more I worry you’ll figure this out and regret liking me.”

You thread your fingers through his and pull his hands to your chest, shaking your head adamantly. “That will never happen!”

He chuckles, but the laughter doesn’t meet his eyes. “You can’t promise that.”

“Yes, I can,” you tell him stubbornly. “I moment I said, ‘I do’ I promised just that.”

“Can you say that after my next confession?” he scoffs.

Your brows furrow, but you don’t let go of his hands.

“Do you really want to know who my first love was?” he asks quietly.

You nod, heartbeat thrumming in your ear.

“It was dance,” he sighs, looking down. “It’s always been dance.”

You look at him confused, trying to process this information. “You mean…”

“I’m a virgin, too,” he mumbles, the tips of his ears glowing hot red. When you don’t say anything, he looks up with a small frown. “Still think I’m that cool guy?”

You can’t help the smile that stretches across your face. Without thinking, you spring from the bed and pounce onto him. Yugyeom catches you by the waist easily, his eyes wide with shock at your sudden actions, but he holds you tight in his arms anyways. You shake in his arms, giggles erupting from you and tickling the crook of his neck.

“Why would that ever make you uncool?” you laugh, fingers combing through the back of his hair.

Yugyeom relaxes into your touch, resting his chin on your shoulder. “But, what if I’m not good at it?”

You pull away to look at him. He chews on his lips timidly. 

“Well, it’s not like I have anything to compare you to,” you chuckle, rubbing gently at the nape of his neck. “We can take our time, learn together.”

Finally, Yugyeom smiles, relief rushing through him. “It’s not that I don’t want to, just so you know. I just want to make sure you have a good first experience too. What if I hurt you?”

“It hurt more thinking you didn’t like me.” 

He sighs softly, pressing his forehead to yours. You can feel the ghost of his breath on your lips. “Trust me, I like you a lot more than you realize.”

“Oh, I’m starting to realize,” you roll your hips tentatively against him and his lashes flutter in surprise as you feel the outline of his semi hard on through his pajama pants. His grip on your waist tightens.

“W-what are you doing?”

You can feel him shiver against you and probably for the first time in this relationship, your chest inflates with confidence. 

“Starting lesson one,” you whisper into his ear as you press your core harder against him. The feeling of his hardness blooms excitement throughout your skin. Never has anyone been this close to you in this way. The thought used to scare you, but right now, you’ve never been more thrilled.

“Are you sure?” the words barely make it out of his throat as you press a kiss to his neck. You can feel his breath hitch at the slight graze of your lips, and it urges you on. And despite Yugyeom’s cautious words, his arms pull you closer and he tilts his head, giving you better access.

“The surest I’ve ever been,” you reassure him before sucking on the skin of his jugular. His pulse beats against your lips and you’re happy to know you aren’t the only one whose heart is racing.

“You’re…How’re you so good at this?” Yugyeom mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut in agonized pleasure as you roll your hips against him once more.

“I’ve thought about this a lot,” comes your breathy confession. When he doesn’t say anything, you glance at him. “Is that strange?”

He breaks out into smile, shaking his head. “I’m glad it wasn’t just me.”

You smile, “Really?”

Yugyeom nods, lips chasing yours. “You don’t know how many boners I’ve had to hide from you.”

His hot breath fans at your lips before he is pulling your bottom lip between his teeth. You can’t help the moan that muffles against his mouth as his tongue explores your mouth. When he pulls away, you are gasping to catch your breath.

Contrary to the kiss, Yugyeom looks at you with the softest gaze and wipes at the wetness of your lips with a gentle thumb. He lingers at your bottom lip for a moment longer.

Yugyeom sucks in a breath, eyes dilating when you take his thumb into your mouth. You meet his stare with hooded lids as you suck his entire thumb into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the digit. When you release him with a pop, you can feel him twitch underneath you.

There is a hunger in your core that you’ve never felt before. Your entire body aches for Yugyeom in its most primal form. You want him. The thrumming in your chest only further confirms this. 

You clutch at his plain tee, heat rising to your cheeks, “Can I taste you?”

Yugyeom groans, throwing his head back. You can’t help salivating at the sight of his Adam’s apple bobbing. When Yugyeom looks back at you he almost looks pained.

“I don’t think I’ll last, Y/N,” he mutters, ears reddening. 

His confession makes your heart inflate and you press a kiss to his jawline. 

“It’s okay, I won’t time you. I don’t know if I’ll be any good anyways,” you smile to lift the mood, but Yugyeom shakes his head.

“No, let me make you feel good first,” He presses a kiss over your smile. “I want to take care of you this time.”

You swallow, heart thrumming in your ear. “Well, what if I don’t last?”

He chuckles, kissing down your throat. You shudder, skin prickling at his breath. 

“Oh, I’ll make sure you don’t,” he mumbles, sucking at the sensitive skin. You groan, threading your fingers through the back of his hair. “I’m no quitter, Y/N, and we’ve got all night.”

You shiver, stomach twisting with excitement. Not knowing what else to say, you can only nod when he sinks his thumbs into the waistband of your shorts.

But Yugyeom doesn’t move further. Instead, he looks at you again, eyes serious. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? We can stop if it gets too much.”

And although your cheeks heat up at just the graze of his fingers at your hips, you nod without hesitation. “I want you, Gyeom. I’m ready.”

He sucks in a quiet breath. “Lay down for me?”

His request is a whisper, barely audible, but you scramble to the pillows. Yugyeom follows right behind and when you sink your head into the pillows, he meets you, right above, lips finding yours once more. As his tongue explores your mouth, his thighs press between yours, spreading your legs apart. You can’t help being hyperaware of the dampness of your underwear as he does this.

But the thought quickly leaves your mind when he places a hesitant palm to your chest. To your embarrassment, your nipples are already hard with arousal when his fingers graze against them. He groans against your mouth, fingers rubbing rough circles around the peaked buds.

You find yourself already breathless at the sensation, the sensitive skin sending tingles straight to your core. You moan when he slips his hand underneath your shirt, the pleasure growing ten folds with his warm hands on your bare skin.

“God, you’re so soft,” Yugyeom groans, squeezing your breasts in his palms. “Can I take this off?”

You nod quickly, hands already coming to the ends of your shirt to help him slip it off. Yugyeom leans back on his heels, eyes eating you up while you laid topless in front of him, chest heaving from just his small touches.

“Gyeom,” you mutter, feeling self-conscious when he doesn’t move.

There’s a glint in his eyes as his fingers meet your waistband again. You suck in a breath, nodding silently for him to continue. He licks at his lips, pulling the flimsy fabric of your shorts off of you.

You cringe at the sight of your yellow cotton underwear, the pink heart patterns looking suddenly very childish with Yugyeom’s eyes on them now.

“I-I have better underwear-” you rush to cover yourself but Yugyeom moves your hand.

His palms squeeze your thighs, and he looks at you with a reassuring smile. “It’s cute. You’re cute, and beautiful and charming and sexy. The whole package.”

You blush, hearing your words said back to you.

“Plus,” he grins, hands sliding up your thighs and you shiver. “These ones are soaked, just for me.”

Your breath catches in your throat when he runs a finger up the wet cotton. He chuckles darkly at the sound of your whimper when he circles around your clit. It’s just a whisper of a touch and yet you find yourself careening.

Your heart feels like the wings of a hummingbird, flapping against your chest. Never have you laid yourself out, so bare, for someone. It’s scary, being so vulnerable, and yet you find yourself wanting to jump into the darkness of the unknown.

The way Yugyeom looks at you is dark and heavy, like he is trying to swallow you whole, hungry to take in every piece of you. And maybe with anyone else this would frighten you, but it’s Yugyeom, and so you are excited. Excited and eager to give all of yourself to him.

“Can I?” he asks, pulling at the edge of your underwear.

“Please,” you consent, lifting your hips.

Yugyeom groans helplessly at your bare sight, dripping wet just for his eyes to see. He lifts at his t-shirt, skin already hot. You swallow, eyes traveling down his bare torso, to the tattoo stretching across his rib cage and then the growing bulge his thin pajama pants does very little to hide. You clench around nothing, just imagining what’s beneath.

Yugyeom catches the movement and curses. You don’t even know what you do to him.

Your eyes shudder close when you feel his fingers back on you, spreading your slick in circles around your clit.

“Does that feel okay?”

You answer with a whimper, arching into his touch.

He bites at his bottom lip, watching you squirm beneath him. You are so sensitive and so eager. Nothing he could have ever imagined could measure up to this view. He could probably cum to this sight alone. The strain of his pants warns him of the very possibility.

“More,” you barely manage to croak out between a moan but Yugyeom hears you and without hesitation, he dives into your heat, eager for a taste.

Your eyes flutter open at the new feeling, hooded eyes staring down at his head between your thighs. You moan, embarrassment heating your cheeks, but your fingers thread through his hair and push him deeper. 

The sting of his scalp only drives him on, lapping at you hungrily. When he moans into your folds, you find yourself vibrating with him. His tongue feels so soft and delicious against you and when he sucks on your clit you tremble at the sensation shooting straight to your core.

Sweat glazes your forehead and you strain to keep your eyes focused on Yugyeom. You can’t even see his face, but you can’t pull your gaze away. The top of his head bobs eagerly and from behind, you can see him thrusting into your sheets.

You whimper, feeling your abdomen tighten when he rolls his hips extra rough.

“Gyeom,” you squeeze around his hair strands.

He looks up at you, eyes glazed over with lust, tongue still swirling around you at an agonizing pace. Squeezing your thigh, he presses a finger to your entrance. He presses, barely entering but you find yourself clenching already.

“Gyeom,” you whine, head falling into the pillow in frustration.

You feel him chuckle against you. A soft kiss to your clit. And then he slips a finger into you slowly. You’re so wet, he slips right in easily. You close your eyes, savoring the unfamiliar feeling. Unfamiliar, but not unwanted. Your body hums for more.

He dips his finger in and out, enjoying the way your body arches, trying to chase after his finger each time he pulls out.

“More?” he asks, teasing two fingers at your entrance. You nod eagerly, squirming at his touch. 

Yugyeom dips two fingers into you, dick twitching at the feeling of your tight walls squeezing around his digits. When he curls his fingers, you let out a loud moan, eyes fluttering shut. He reads your body easily, mouth back on your clit as he repeats the motion of his fingers over and over. 

Your body tightens, heating up quickly. There’s a burn in your abdomen, a fire that flickers every time he sucks around your clit and curls his fingers against your flesh. You clench your fists around your sheets, feeling your heart pound faster against your chest.

Your whole body trembles, toes curling and abdomen squeezing until it feels like your soul lifts from your body and everything goes white.

When you come to, chest heaving like you just ran a marathon, Yugyeom is back on his knees, looking at you in awe. His lips are red and chin, wet with your arousal. 

“Was that okay?” he asks, a boyish smile on his lips.

You chuckle, eyes rolling to the ceiling. “That was amazing.”

“Good.” You feel him lie on the bed beside you, arm coming around your waist. 

You turn on your side, meeting his gaze. “Now it’s my turn.”

His eyes widen and the confidence from before quickly fades behind pink flustered cheeks.

“I-Are you sure? You don’t have to.”

Your hands travel down and land on the tent in his pants, straining to be released. You lift a brow at him, but he only gets more red.

“I want to,” you tell him. “I want to feel you inside me. I want this.”

He gulps and you feel him twitch against your palm. “I-I might not last long.”

You kiss his worries away. “That’s alright, you said we had all night, didn’t you?”

You pull at his waistband and he sighs at the release of his cock. You sit up and Yugyeom kicks the rest of his clothes off before helping you straddle him.

You look at him with wide eyes, before looking back at his cock. His tip is red and shiny with precum. Your eyes follow the vein that travels down the length of his cock. You can’t even help it, your mouth waters.

Your stomach flips nervously. Yugyeom seems to sense your worries when his hand rests over yours.

“You really don’t have to. We can wait.”

“I do!” you say quickly. “I just-,” you blink, swallowing thickly. “Will you fit?”

Yugyeom groans, hands squeezing around your thighs roughly. “Are you trying to make me cum before we even start?”

“I-no,” you feel your cheeks grow hot. “It’s a legitimate question!”

He chuckles, until your hand comes around his shaft. Yugyeom sighs at your touch, your soft, small hands feel like heaven compared to his own. Though you don’t intend to tease him, your hand rubs him agonizingly slow as you feel the smoothness of his skin and the ridges of his veins pulsing in your palm. You watch in awe as you squeeze up and a small clear bead of precum buds at his slit.

Yugyeom’s breath hitches when you dip your head down and lick at his slit. Your brows shoot up at the taste. He’s salty, but it’s Yugyeom and you find that you don’t mind it. Instead, your mouth waters for more.

“Fuck,” Yugyeom curses, stopping you when you try to dip your tongue down again. You look at him in surprise, but he’s quick to reassure you. “Next time, baby, I really want to last.”

You nod, flushing at the pet name.

You rise onto your knees, hands coming back down his cock to align him to your entrance. You shiver, feeling his tip between your folds. Yugyeom looks just as nervous, the heat of your entrance making his heart race.

It takes a few tries, his cock teasing between your folds, before he enters. Barely there, but you feel the stretch. He’s much bigger than his fingers, but the stretch isn’t the pain you always imagined. Unfamiliar, maybe a little uncomfortable, but nothing scary at all.

This realization fills you with a newfound courage and you sink down onto his cock with an extended sigh. 

“Fuck,” Yugyeom whispers a strained curse, a devil’s grip on your hips as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

Sweat beaded on his forehead and slips down his face as his jaw clenches. You’re so fucking tight and warm around him. When your cunt clenches, he groans, balls tightening. “Fuck, don’t do that.”

You still, falling onto his chest. You can hear his heart thrumming wildly in his chest.

“Sorry,” he heaves, hugging you tightly against him. “Just, I need a minute. You feel like fucking heaven, baby.”

You smile, pressing a kiss to his chest. When his cock twitches inside you, you shiver. To be honest, you’re no better either. You feel so full with him inside you. This feeling is so new, but so right. You can feel your walls pulsing around him. Or maybe it’s his cock pulsing against your walls. Probably both. 

You close your eyes, savoring the feeling before Yugyeom finally let’s out a soft breath. And then, he is lifting his hips. You moan, the movement pushing him deeper into you. You place your palms on his chest, sitting up.

He looks at you with hazy eyes as you lift off his cock before sliding back down his length. Yugyeom’s moan is load and uninhibited. The sound sends another wave of arousal straight to your core.

“Oh god,” he moans, hips lifting to meet yours every time. “Fuck!”

You strain to keep your pace, his arms helping you out as you gave into the wave of pleasure each time his thick cock slide into you. Already, your whole body was buzzing with pleasure.

“Fuck, fuck,” Yugyeom’s desperate moan meets your ears and then you feel his arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you to his chest. He groans, teeth digging into your shoulder.

And then you feel it. Hot cum shooting into the deepest part of you, flooding you with warmth. The sting of Yugyeom’s teeth sinking in your skin, the sound of his heaving breath and heart beat against your ear, the pulse of his cock thrusting into you as he rode out his high—you feel like one body against his and the feeling makes your eyes wet.

You smile, pressing a kiss to his jawline as he softened inside of you.

He let out a satisfied sigh as his cock slipped out and you felt his cum slide out of you. “I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I told you I wouldn’t last long.”

You shush him with a kiss.

“I couldn’t have asked for anything better,” you smile.

His hand on your waist tightens. “You’re really the best thing to ever happen to me.”

You giggle, tension breaking. “I could get used to this Yugyeom.”

He smiles, hand coming to your cheek. “I mean it.”

He looks at you quietly. It’s a fleeting moment, but the feeling lingers. You feel warmth blooming in your chest.

You kiss him again, “I know, Gyeom. This time, I really know now.”

[makeste]

checking in with Tomura, Deku, AFO, and their drunk AF quirks

yeah lol it is pretty confusing ngl. so anyway my theory on this is a little hard to explain without going a bit in depth, so let me try to break it down. first, the basics:

AFO and OFA are the same quirk. OFA is just a xerox copy of AFO, in the same way that the current AFO is making do with a xerox copy of the original AFO quirk which Tomura now has. we already know that quirks can be duplicated; it’s just that in OFA’s case, duplicating the quirk was an accident on AFO’s part and not intentional. it’s very similar to how Harry was accidentally turned into a horcrux by Voldemort in HP, but more on this here; for the time being let’s move on with the rest of this post.

as explained in chapter 213, OFA’s previous users are NOT in fact just “vestiges” (although I will keep calling them that for simplicity’s sake lol). Deku says it’s much more than that, and that the previous users “are somehow alive in One for All.”

we’ve also seen other indicators that the vestiges are more than just mere shadows/echoes of their former selves. they have sentience and can think independently and even make decisions; they’re not just subject to Deku’s own will. see: the end of Heroes Rising, as well as chapters 193, 213, and 272.

I personally interpret this to mean that the vestiges are actually little pieces of the former user’s souls, who stayed behind in the quirk in order to help guide future users until their mission is finally over. and yeah, I know that sounds a little hokey and ~*~mystical~*~ and the like, but you know what, OFA is just that type of quirk though. like, you don’t have to use the word “souls” if you like -- you can go with “consciousnesses” or “wills” or whatnot instead; whatever suits you -- but the point is just that they’re much, much more than just the lingering resolve of the past users. there’s a lot more going on there.

so now, getting back to the part where I believe that OFA is actually just AFO 2.0, we can start extrapolating some things about the “vestige” that’s currently inside Tomura based on what we know about the vestiges inside Deku. if the same things hold true for the AFO-vestige as the other vestiges, that would mean that the AFO-vestige:

is sentient

has a will of his own

is capable of exercising some measure of control over the quirk, the extent of which is currently unknown

all of which is already cause for concern! BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.

because if what Ujiko says about the nature of Tomura’s quirk is true, AFO-vestige... actually might not be a “vestige” at all.

“he took a duplicate of his quirk for himself... and gave the original to Shigaraki Tomura.”

in other words, AFO xeroxed his quirk, had Ujiko inject the dupli-AFO back into him, and then had the original AFO quirk transferred into Tomura. Ujiko is very clear on this point. Tomura has the original, NOT the duplicate.

so what the hell does that mean? well, if we ride this train of logic all the way till the end of the tracks, then what it would mean, as crazy as it sounds, is that AFO transferred his soul into Tomura. and kept only a little, tiny horcrux piece for his own self, in his own debilitated shell of a body.

which sounds crazy! because it is crazy. but (1) quirks are fucking wild, and (2) AFO/OFA is already the wackiest of the wacky as it is. so it’s also kind of a “this might as well happen” thing, imo. like, I can only speak for myself here, but I personally am 100% capable of suspending my disbelief, because it’s consistent with what we’ve seen of the quirk up till this point. the AFO-vestige even looks like the other vestiges; Tomura points out that he “looks like Kurogiri”, which is consistent with the other vestiges’ appearances when we first saw them way back in chapter 31.

and Tomura can hear AFO-vestige in his head in the same way that Deku could hear Lil Bro earlier in this arc.

oh and by the way, now might also be a good time to point out that AFO-vestige also seems to be able to detect his fellow vestige’s presence inside of Deku...

...just like AFO Prime can do.

that has nothing to do with anything; it’s just a fun, creepy fact I felt like throwing out there to remind everyone just how fucking unsettling this all is lmao.

so now I’m almost ready to answer your question, anon, but before I do, one last piece of the puzzle here. you see, I think that the original plan was for AFO to transfer his “soul” into Tomura’s body and take him over completely. we’ve already seen him try to take him over once, so I think this particular theory has some solid ground underneath it.

unfortunately for AFO however, and fortunately for everyone else (including Tomura), things didn’t go 100% according to plan. in fact they only went a very specific % according to plan as it turns out:

so if my thinking on this is correct, what this means among other things is that the AFO-vestige inside Tomura is not the full AFO-soul as intended, but instead only a 75%-AFO-soul. the other 25% got shattered into oblivion by Mirko and Present Mic I guess. and so AFO’s plan to transfer himself into Tomura’s body and emerge fully restored and more powerful than ever has backfired on him, because while he would like to have full control over Tomura, I think we have seen pretty clearly that he does not. Nana’s grandson doesn’t intend to play by his rules. and while I do think that Tomura is still underestimating just how much danger he himself is actually in here -- right now he’s confident that he’s shrugged off his old Sensei’s influence and has gotten rid of it, which I don’t think is actually the case at all -- I think we can already see the cracks starting to form in AFO’s plan, though the full extent of the damage remains to be seen.

anyway! so now getting back to your original question, anon, let me break it down piece by piece:

What do you think happened to AFO after Tomura rejected his vestige? - I think he pretended to go away and is currently just watching to see how Tomura handles this, and will step in again if he feels it’s necessary, or once he has gathered a bit more of his strength (he did only just hatch from his test tube like fifteen minutes ago, so he’s probably still working on that).

Do you think that the AFO vestige is just a copy of his mind, or the transferred consciousness? - I think it’s the transferred consciousness/soul, but only 75% of it.

If it is the former than I’m surprised that he went for it. If it is the later did he temporarily leave his body only to be ejected out of Tomura? - I think they duplicated the quirk first, so original!janky!AFO had two AFO-quirks inside his body, the original and the duplicate. then he transferred the original-AFO (and his soul) to Ujiko, or to an external quirk hard drive, or whatever, leaving only the dupli-AFO quirk -- and the horcrux!soul -- inside his original body. so the AFO we’ve been seeing for the majority of this time has only been a feeble little horcrux version of his former self all along. meanwhile the bulk of his soul has just been chilling inside some hard drive somewhere until Tomura finally transferred it to Tomura’s body. quirks. are. wild.

but here’s the key thing here -- Tomura only thinks he rejected the vestige. but I don’t think he can actually get rid of it unless he gets rid of the entire quirk. it’s a whole package deal. so that means that in reality, vestige!AFO -- who is actually real!AFO lulz -- is just chilling out inside Tomura’s body still, biding his time until opportunity presents itself once again.

tl;dr (1) vestige!AFO is actually real!AFO, (2) real!AFO is still inside Tomura and is fine, (3) janky!AFO’s body is currently housing the actual vestige!AFO and is probably laughing it up in Tartarus watching this all go down via his weird psychic connection to his discarded soul, and (4) Tomura is really deep in the shit and doesn’t even know it yet sob.

oh and also, I’m pretty sure that last part also applies to Deku, who if my calculations are correct also has a piece of AFO’s soul inside of him, because this manga is fucking crazeballs and this shit wasn’t already complicated enough somehow I guess. after all, Deku can sense AFO’s soul and AFO’s soul can sense him. just a whole lotta soul-sensing going on, back and forth. so yeah. I guess we’ll see about that.

anyway! and just for the record I’m loving this all and can’t wait to see how it plays out. also, another unrelated side note, chapter 284 should be out early because Jump is coming out early this week. so it’s likely there will be spoiler leaks released in just a few hours’ time, and the chapter itself will probably come out on Thursday or possibly earlier. so maybe we’ll see some of this either confirmed or disproved even sooner than we think. for all I know this post may only have a few hours to live lmao oh well.

[willag42]

Yuri!!! On Ice Fanfic Recs with Reviews  ["A” Authors]

Note: Doing some major reformating of the YOI fanfic rec pages. The pages that include my reviews are now having the posts separated alphabetically by author (see below). I am also creating separate page(s) that allow filtering the fanfics by category. It's a work in progress, but I'm having fun with it.

This page includes my YOI fanfic recs (with reviews) for authors whose names begin with "A".

Note: For any authors whom I don't know the gender, I refer to them with they/them. If any authors wish to correct me, please do so.

AUTHORS REC PAGES: #0-9 -- A -- B -- C -- D -- E -- F -- G -- H -- I -- J -- K -- L -- M -- N -- O -- P -- Q -- R -- S -- T -- U -- V -- W -- X -- Y -- Z

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Refer to this masterlist for all of my YOI fanfic recs.

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ADreamingSongbird (@adreamingsongbird)

If you’re in the mood for some adorable, wholesome ship fics (friendship or romantic), then look no further than ADreamingSongbird’s fics. The character interactions are sure to leave you with a few extra cavities. I am particularly attached to the close friendship she paints between Yuuri and Phichit. But don’t be fooled, because she is equally crafty at twisting your heart into an agonizing, unrecognizable mess.

#bffs4lyfe

Rating: Gen Words: 10.6k Status: Complete Relationship: Platonic Phichit+Yuuri; (side) Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: BFFs; Detroit pre-canon; post-canon Yuuri/Victor wedding ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: Detroit holds a special place in Phichit Chulanont's heart, mostly because that's where he met the boy who would become his lifelong best friend. Wait, no, scratch that - Detroit doesn't hold a special place in Phichit's heart. Yuuri Katsuki does. ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: Did I mention how much I love how she writes the friendship between Yuuri and Phichit? Because I really do.

The Rules for Lovers

Rating: Mature Words: 323.3k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Fantasy AU; Historical fantasy; Magic; War; Survivor's guilt; PTSD; Falling in love ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: Prince Yuuri Katsuki has a duty to his country, above all else (his desires, his dreams, and his happiness included), and he knows this alliance will help to ensure the safety of his people. That’s the only reason he accepts Prince Nikiforov’s hand in marriage. The pleasant surprise, of course, is the part where they fall in love along the way. The unpleasant one, well... That’s a long story. ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: This is perhaps my favorite urban fantasy YOI fanfic, using modern technology but mixing in magic and monarchies. There's a lot of political intrigue, attempted assassinations, and murderous plots, which leads to a lot of dark, heavy angst, but the core of the story is LOVE. Warm, heartbreaking, self-sacrificing, but always present. And before all the angst started kicking in double-time, the sappy fluff was at tooth-rotting levels. Yuuri and Viktor are super soft in this story, building a fluffy, innocent relationship. The maturity rating is earned by the dark themes and twisted, manipulative plots by the antagonists rather than anything by the main protagonists. The series also contains a collection of side stories, mosaic, if you're wanting more from this universe. One of the best royalty AUs in the fandom.

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Adrianna99 (@iwritebetterthanispeak)

Prodigy

Rating: Teen Words: 122.1k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Alternate universe; Alternate profession; Music; Violist Yuuri; Violinist Viktor; Fluff; Angst; Minor injuries ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: Viktor Nikiforov is the most talented young violinist in the world, so he's understandably devastated when an injury prevents him from playing professionally for at least a year. But when his mentor suggests he take on a student to keep from getting rusty, Viktor finds new inspiration in a place he never thought he would: a violist. Viktor Nikiforov wasn't at all what Yuuri expected, and when he accepts the older man's offer to help him win the most prestigious musical competition in the world, Yuuri gets a lot more than he bargained for. ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: Another fanfic that adapts the series into an alternate profession but makes several unique changes and improves upon the ending of the original series (if you've read any of my other reviews, you can probably guess exactly how it improves upon the original series' ending). That's obviously not the only reason to love this fanfic. The characters are a softer than their original counterparts, including Yuri, who I really sympathized with in the beginning when Viktor decides to take over as Yuuri's mentor. The fic places emphasis on pathos and developing the relationships between the characters. One wonderful aspect is how much presence Phichit has, since he and Yuuri continue living in an apartment together with Viktor in a separate apartment. As such, we get to see a growing friendship between Viktor and Phichit. The romance between Yuuri and Viktor blooms sooner in the story as well. Adrianna99 has written additional short side stories for this series that are also worth a look: Prodigy: Mirror Image, which approaches chapter 2 from Viktor's POV; and Prodigy: Phone Home, which is an extra from chapter 3 where Yuuri contacts his family. If you want to read a story that takes cues from the original anime, but goes its own path, definitely check this story out!

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AlexWSpark (@alexwspark)

Alex has an interesting, softer (but not too soft) interpretation of the characters that I really appreciate. The original anime is a comedy, so it amplifies certain character quirks “4 teh lulz,” but Alex takes care to not over-exaggerate, which can make some characters more likeable (*cough*Yurio*cough*). But don’t worry, Victor and Yuuri are still big pining messes. Alex also takes great care to develop healthy bonds between the characters in their stories, which is always A+++!

The Katsuki/Nikiforov Collector's Edition + DLC (Series, 4 works)

On Online and Offline Love Rating: Mature -- Words: 32.8k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Gaming/Streaming AU: In which Yuuri and Victor are gamers, head over heels for each other, and hoping to one day come face-to-face. Of course, when two whipped, adorable fluff-balls are involved, shenanigans ensue...

On Bedhead, Bullets, and Bargains Rating: Mature -- Words: 18.2k -- Status: WIP -- Summary: Yuuri (GamerLevelEros) and Victor (GAria_VNikiforov): Gamers, streamers, friends, lovers. Families will unite, love will be spread and, of course, games will be played. But, as their relationship progresses, Yuuri will discover that their time apart carries much more weight that he could've ever imagined.

Our Aim is True Rating: Mature -- Words: 6.2k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Yuuri (GamerLevelEros) and Victor (GAria_VNikiforov) are THE streaming power couple and as they approach their one-year anniversary, Yuuri decides that it's time to add another life-changing plot twist to his collection.

Katsuki/Nikiforov DLC - A Collection of Tumblr Drabbles Rating: Mature -- Words: 13.3k -- Status: WIP -- Summary: Tumblr drabbles based on HCs/prompts from both myself and followers. ❤❤❤❤❤  Words: 70.4k Status: Work In Progress Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Gaming/Streaming AU; Video games; Mutual pining; Fluff; Dorks in love ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: An amazing gaming AU series with a wonderful light-hearted story where Yuuri and Victor are Ye Ol’ Gaming Gods on Twitch who fanboy one another and live, breathe, and think in game metaphors. Like, seriously, I am deeply impressed with all the corny yet fantastic gaming analogies. It’s like living in a gaming otaku’s head. Gaming fans will understand more of the references, but this is a wonderful series of fics that can be loved and enjoyed by all. If you are seriously a fan of Victor and Yuuri being pining dorks, then you should definitely check this one out!

Unexpected

Rating: Explicit Words: 65.5k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon divergence; Victor knows that Yuuri does not remember the banquet ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: Banquet AU: In which one impulsive midnight decision leads Victor Nikiforov to Yuuri Katsuki and, of course, everything changes, a.k.a Drunk!Yuuri has no chill, a.k.a Victor experiences #allthefeels. ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: One of the better canon divergence fics I’ve read. This only takes place up through the first regional competition, but it’s able to keep the characters and situation fresh by changing the order of event and have the characters be more mature and likeable. Yuuri’s anxiety still causes trouble, but he is more open to Victor’s presence and they form a friendly bond quicker; Victor is aware that Yuuri doesn’t remember the banquet and reacts with care; and Yurio is way less of an asshole. I love this spin on the story.

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Anonymous

Across the Universe

Rating: Teen Words: 30.7k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Multiverse AU; Dimension travel; Soulmates AU ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: In an alternative universe, Yuuri has just won the GPF at Sochi — and he’s miserable. He lost everything that mattered to him several years ago when a tsunami hit Hasetsu, and after throwing himself into his skating, he’s achieved gold, but the win is hollow without others there to share it. Things change when he’s transported to another universe, where GPF champion Victor Nikiforov is about to drown himself in the Black Sea. According to legend, only those with a deep connection can draw someone from across the universe. But Yuuri and Victor have never met before in their respective worlds; perhaps someone out there knew how much they needed each other. ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: I love both the premise and the execution of this fic. In Yuuri's universe, Victor and all of his family and friends from Hasetsu are dead. He's achieved a gold medal in Sochi but his life feels hollow. In Victor's universe, Yuuri was the one who died in the tsunami (though everyone else survive), and Victor is feeling hopeless. In their moment of need, Yuuri is transported across dimensions to Victor's universe, a common occurrence within that universe such that systems are already in place to help such people adapt and create a new life there if they wish or to be sent back. Victor's universe is fascinating in that it's more technologically advanced at that point, despite the year being the same, but competitive skating is trailing with quads still not being a thing. I like the take on how both Yuuri and Victor agree that this is actually a good thing since quads damage skaters' bodies and wear the joints down even more quickly. Yuuri puts on his performances that won him the GPF a few times, but decides to stick to the universe's rules so that he can focus on the performance more. There are a lot of struggles with adapting to the new world, but overall, it ends up healing everyone. As soulmates, Victor and Yuuri eventually find life and love with one another and soothe each other's broken souls.

[essu-rwby-desu]

                                                       HERE IT IS.

                               Chapter 1: Welcome to Haven Reaction  

                                                    -LONG POST-

 First I want to say:

I love that they’re putting art back into the show.

URARAKA?!

So they’re obviously going to head to where ever that broadcast is coming from right? I mean if the pilot doesn’t go, Weiss certainly will.

I MEAN.

SHE CAN SUMMON HER KNIGHT NOW RIGHT?

CAN SHE SUMMON OTHER THINGS?

LIKE.  A GRYPHON? OR A NEVERMORE?

SHE COULD HOP ON THEM AND FLY THERE?

AND HOW MANY GRIMMS CAN SHE SUMMON AT ONCE? In Weiss’s character trailer, Winter was able to summon a handful of Beowolves to help her train. And when she was fighting Qrow, she summoned a bunch of tiny Nevermores.

WEISS COULD BE A ONE WOMAN ARMY. I’VE HAD THIS THOUGHT SINCE V3.

I’m really digging the building designs.

Hmmm. Wasn’t there a similar courtyard like this back at Beacon? If there was, then its a nice tie-in to connect all the schools via design.

“Maybe try…louder?” I can’t tell if she’s sarcastic or not, but because it’s Nora I feel like she was genuinely suggesting to go louder. Best.

I noticed this camera focus and was like “Nice.” /Facepalm I’m such a dork. TECHNICAL STUFF IS COOL, OKAY? I’m also sorry for the terrible screenshots. Idk wtf happened.

Lulz

“You… Filled them in?” Excuse me while I go wash my brain out with soap.

Nora has best lines this episode.

“Total Garbage.” Is what Sun said. “THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!” is what I heard.

DEEZ FACES THO.

WAO, LOOK AT-

-DAT ARMOR.

RWBY has come such a long way with voice acting, and Ilia is no exception. Very convincing, much emotion. Especially with her last line: “I know.”

I really. Really can’t help it but.

Every time I see Blake’s shirt with those crossing stripes, I always think “That’s gonna leave a a weird tan line.”

Ruby screen time and lines TvT

Get the feeling class courses and materials weren’t the only reasons why he quit teaching.

Winter For Creation, Summer For Destruction, Fall for Choice, Spring for Knowledge

I find it a bit strange and bit interesting about the Maiden’s respective relics.

For example, Fall’s is Choice. Pyrrha was elected to become the next Fall Maiden. Even though Oz and the rest felt like she was the perfect candidate, she still could’ve declined and walked away. Instead, she accepts to inherit the new power, not because she wanted to, but because she felt it was the right thing to do. On the flip side: From what we know about Maiden’s and their powers, they can only pass the powers onto a new person to someone they think of before their time ends. Cinder had successfully stolen the Fall Maiden’s power; Both times when she first initially attacked her and again at the chamber where the Maiden was kept alive. Cinder had taken the Fall Maiden’s ability to choose who to pass her powers onto.

Now we know that the Spring Maiden is Knowledge. So how will it work for and against her? Did knowing what a Maiden was excite her and motivate her to train her powers? And did obtaining more knowledge and understanding the importance of being a Maiden cause her to eventually run away?

Shit son, stay tuned for the next episode of RWBY Volume 5.

Back to the rest of the post:

THE SPRING MAIDEN IS KICKIN’ IT WITH YANGS MA-MA!?

ONE SHOT. ONE OPPORTUNITY. OR RAVEN GONNA SLICE YOU UP INTO SPAGHETTI.

Cinder, Emerald, and Mercury all forged their papers to get into Haven. Feel the burn, Jaune. Get on their forgery level.

-In Michael’s voice- A lion?! MORE LIKE A RAT, YOUUUUU RAT FUCK.

Qrow, please. I know you were designed to have crow-alities, but your back. Plz. Looking like you’re straight out of a Persona game.  Guess you could say Qrow is the Persona-fication of a crow- ok ok I’m moving on.

Shout out to the Yellow Trailer. Speaking of trailers, Yang’s character short reaction thing at the bottom. Short and sweet.

Dude, the 80’s called, they want their entire look back. -Take on Me plays in the BG-

”Not too bulky, not too lean.”

“Just right.” Ah, Goldie Lockes- wait a minute, what was this gas station calle-

G’damn it, Barb.

”And your hair-“

Ok first of all, she doesn’t want anything to do with you, buddy. Second, what makes you think, after telling you off, that she wants you to touch her in any way?

And third:

I hope you’re ready to live with the consequences.

Get wrecked.

Rest in pieces.

See’ya, space cowboy.

Back to Yang:

Still on the road of recovery. You’re doing great sweetie.

“I’m looking for Raven Branwen. She’s my mother. I’m gonna give her the award of The Best Worst Mom Ever. And by ‘reward’, I mean my cold hard metal fist.”

#Mood

“Is there a ruby rose here?”

“Why?” In other words: “Tell me why, right now, before I break your legs.”

LOL. DRUNKLE QROW.

#ThatsMyUncle #Facepalm #Same #NotThisShitAgain #Mood

”Did you get drunk again?”

“Did I? I STILL AM!”

“Oscar, say to Ruby ‘You have Silver eyes.’, it’ll be great, I promise.”

“What the F*CK did you just say? The last person that said that to me got incinerated. Allegedly.”

“Guess what? I lived, b*tch.”

#Mood. Also don’t take up your uncle’s bad back habits, Ruby.

“I DID IT.” I feel like, no matter what or whoever you are, this is the #Mood for even doing the littlest of things.

CINDER IS BACK AND OUT INTO THE FIELD. AND WHOS THIS? IS THIS THE FALL SPRING MAIDEN (Woops, messed that up.)?

I really like this shot of Weiss.

REMATCH I WILL BE WAITING FOR.

I think I’ll be vectoring this screenshot. 

Also, I can only wish that when Weiss summons her knight, it will appear on screen Trigger-like animation style. I can only wish.

AW YIS. THE TEAM IS ALL HERE,

NOW WE CAN DIE TOGETHER.

 You know. When I was at the theater watching this, and we all saw team RWBY back together in the new intro, everyone shouted and hooray’ed in excitement. 

Then.

When this came on the screen, everyone suddenly got quiet.

I don’t think it was because seeing Monty’s name made us sad, but because it made us happy: We were happy, or at least I was, to see how far this show has come. In a way, it was also out of respect with a humbling feeling.

 BONUS: YANG’S TRAILER REACTION:

LOOK AT HOW PURE RUBY IS.

The fighting/choreographing has gotten better!

#FeelsBadMan

CLENCH THOSE BUTTOCKS.

AND SCREAM THIS, FROM THE DEPTHS OF YOUR HEART.

SMMMMAAAAASSSSSSSSSH!!!!!

–You Say Run goes with everything–

If you made it all the way to the end, you’re a legend. Thanks for sticking all the way through this long post. The episodes have become so long now, so reaction posts will be inevitably long as well. I would do videos, but after attempting to do lets plays and stuff, man I hate my voice (and even worse my own face LOL).

Anyway thanks again, and I hope you enjoyed! 

[avoresmith]

au where anyone other than atsushi is the main character, go

Kyouka

Kyouka is the most obvious option here, as her character arc literally follows Atsushi’s beat by beat and does it better because she gets to be seen having actual flaws and conflict while Atsushi’s point in life is just to Be Very Good. 

She’s an orphan who was beat down badly by the universe and needs to make peace with her Gift and how it’s uncontrolled presence in her life has played a huge part in all of the painful garbage she’s had to deal with. She has to learn to not just value her own life (Atsushi) but learn to believe she is capable of using the same abilities she used to kill to help people and that there is value to that (Dazai). She has a connection to Akutagawa, a better one than Atsushi, who just thinks that guy is a dangerous asshole, as Akutagawa fucked her up by trying to 'help’ her the same way Dazai 'helped’ him (which echoes the fact that Dazai fucked up Akutagawa by trying to teach Akutagawa the way he was taught by Mori). This creates a way more dynamic and interesting victims vs their abusers and cycle of violence story that they were TRYING to do with Atsushi and his abuser that falls completely flat, on account of how that guy wasn’t actually a character and we are just told we’re supposed to sympathize with him because ‘life is complicated’ instead of actually shown the ways in which life is fucking complicated. 

This would also allow for a narrative of victims vs their abusers where ACTUALLY HAVE, A VICTIM, CHALLENGING THEIR ABUSER AND DEMANDING THEY DO BETTER instead of what we currently have which is 1) Dazai flees Mori and hates him (legit) 2) Akutagawa seeks Dazai’s acknowledgement forever (no?? buddy) 3) Atsushi cries when his abuser died trying to maybe be nice to him for once finally =‘( (ohmygod).

Also, while Dazai and Atsushi mean... something?? to each other, it’s practically only relevant in Atsushi’s arc as something to yell at Akutagawa about, and while we can Assume Dazai Has Feelings we basically never see Dazai impacted by Atsushi. However, if it was Dazai who stops Kyouka from killing herself and takes her out of the mafia we have Dazai directly engaging with his perspective on suicide, and saving someone from the mafia in a way he was never saved, and this leads into him Also Engaging With All Of That, which then could be a continuing theme within their relationship.

(And I didn’t Go In This Direction because my central argument is that Kyouka already does everything Atsushi is doing if better and if given more focus could dramatically improve the manga, but also her relationship with Kouyou could also be given more prominence, and then holy shit, we’d have two important ladies instead of just one!)

In this AU Atsushi honestly doesn’t even need to exist. Kyouka could make friends with Kenji instead, and they could have adorable hyjinks where Kenji teaches her how to be polite to people and then they both get way too extra if politeness fails. 

(MORE UNDER THE CUT)

Akutagawa

This would probably have to be a darker manga, or Akutagawa would have to be less garbage, but as one of the only characters with multiple interesting relationships he is kind of a natural point to focus around. He has Gin, Higuchi, Kyouka, (thREE WOMEN) and Dazai as far as relationships that already important, and Chuuya and Mori and Kouyou are all characters that could be explored more if the manga was more mafia focused. While the mafia aren’t actually villains anyway, this change would make them more sympathetic, but Akutagawa would still be a really interesting MC, and this would fix the fact that Atsushi is only interesting around Akutagawa. 

Unlike Atsushi, Akutagawa has clear wants, motivations, and character progression, so Atsushi makes a lot more sense as Akutagawa’s rival character than the reverse. Boy with garbage life collides into the boy his master replaced him with, only to constantly seethe with anger that this asshole was so fucking lucky. Eventually discovers that his rival’s life actually wasn’t that easy but still can’t comprehend why his rival doesn’t appreciate what he has enough, or why this prick is worth more to his master than he was. Cue a compelling dynamic of Akutagawa improving himself relentlessly while not fully understanding what path he is on, but desperate to get out of the trashfire of his life. He thinks this means earning Dazai’s approval but in fact it means learning he doesn’t need to be a terrible human being to survive.

This would make Dazai far LESS sympathetic, but Dazai sucks so that is only fair.

Dazai

Okay, I won’t lie, Dazai would a SUPER CHALLENGING perspective character for a manga. What makes Dazai’s writing so amazing is how deftly he handles the unreliable narrator, which is hard to do when we don’t actually see the world via the MC’s perspective. And while I am happy to rag on BSD all the live long day, I do think one if it’s strengths is that it picked up on what an interesting character Dazai-types would be viewed exclusively from the outside, and has managed to portray that sort of peculiar contradiction of personality traits quite well. 

HOWEVER, despite being the most popular character, we never really get to see Dazai having a character arc. We know he has improved, we know he has wants and is actually probably working very hard to get his life in order, but we only know any of that from the end of the light novel to the start of the manga. We don’t actually get to see Dazai having conflict, confronting his fears, making hard choices, and growing as a person. 

However, while we never really see it in the manga, given what we know about Dazai’s history, we can probably assume that the choices Dazai makes to help Atsushi is something that actually impacts Dazai quite a bit. The last time he put himself in this position the result was Akutagawa; a challenge which Dazai completely failed on many levels, even if the result was technically a very loyal and capable mafioso and thus something Mori would have slated as a win. Dazai engaging with what it means to teach a human without himself knowing how to be a good human, and probably in the process also learning about ‘goodness’ via someone like Atsushi who is naturally inclined toward the heroic, would actually give Atsushi an interesting place the narrative. 

This would make Dazai waaaaaay more sympathetic, as we would also presumably see him struggling to adapt to ADA life, see his masks slip more often, and more signs of the fact that for real these last two years of being around decent human beings from 9 to 5 is probably the first time in his life he’s dealt with such people. We’d also get to see that he’s probably still depressed, drunk, and suicidal, but may be able to chart the ways he gradually becomes less so and what prompts those improvements. 

Kenji

Kenji is also a nice boy who wants to talk it out but then will beat the shit out of you if that attempt fails. What if instead of being a 2D one time gag character he actually had a motivation and a character arc to engage with? He could more or less follow the same story beats Atsushi sets up, just done better and with less redundancy. Kenji would make an interesting foil for Akutagawa since by all appearances his life wasn’t garbage, and his ceaseless tone deaf optimism in the face of Akutagawa’s ceaseless tone deaf fury would be, if nothing else, pretty fucking entertaining. 

Kunikida

wOW ANOTHER HEROIC CHARACTER WHO USES VIOLENCE TO RESOLVE CONFLICT. IT’S LIKE THERE ARE A BUNCH OF THESE. What if Kunikida being Dazai’s partner was at all narratively relevant and they had a dynamic that went deeper than Dazai aggravating Kunikida for the lulz and Kunikida being willing to trust Dazai when the chips are down.

Since Kunikida is slated to be the next leader of the ADA he makes a potentially compelling choice as a protagonist, as it would be an easy way to involve all of the (MANY) under appreciated ADA characters, by having their future boss learn what it means to actually work with and appreciate the backgrounds of his various future underlings. It wouldn’t need to be slated specifically as ‘Kunikida Is The Heir’ but given that it’s a shounen manga it could be effortlessly set up that way, and unlike Atsushi, Kunikida has a LOT of obvious flaws. He is naive, inflexible, emotionally vulnerable, distrustful, impatient, judgmental, and gullible. He also has CLEAR WANTS (Idealism) seeing him struggling for something fundementally unattainable and the ways he learns to update his ideal of idealism, in part by overcoming his individual flaws and in part by realizing that while idealism might be worth seeking it cannot be achieved. He would have a lot to learn from every member of the team, and in doing so could give them more importance to the story.

Yosano

you waNNA KNOW WHO IS GREAT AND DEEPLY UNDER APPRECIATED?? YOSANO. IT’S YOSANO. AU where actually Yosano is the main character. If you need a more compelling argument than that IDK what to say to you.

Tanizaki

What if Tankizaki had a narrative purpose other than gag and deus ex ability.

Mishima

AU where Mishima Yukio is in the manga, he’s an ex-government worker who was fired for being a bit too radical but he deeply respects and is super gay for Fukuzawa’s aesthetic and agrees to join the ADA. Rather than being Dazai’s protege he fancies himself Dazai’s rival and is intent to expose what garbage he is but the joke is on him because everyone knows that including Dazai. 

None the less, Mishima also is a more callous and aloof person who wears a friendly mask and via picking at Dazai he picks at himself. The more fixated he gets on exposing Dazai, the more he has to confront the fact that the world is more complicated than he wants it to be and it frightens him to examine the degree to which he doesn’t feel he actually belongs among society and thus tries very hard to construct a place for himself in it with his radical behavior and exacting standards, whereas Dazai accepts that he just should go in the trash. 

Dazai, in response, really doesn’t like being picked at effectively. Everyone else within the ADA accepts the masks he wears without question, never actually confronting his suicidal ideation or talking to him about where he comes from, even once they know about it. Mishima, in his relentless pursuit of being able to classify and deconstruct Dazai to overcome him, does just this, and frankly it sucks a lot for Dazai because Mishima would be the first person to A) learn the grueling details of his past and B) understand how fucked up that is for someone like Dazai who is only hiding his sensitivity and C) still look him in the eye and tell him to get his shit together. Mishima becomes the first person since Odasaku who actually understands Dazai but this time it is the worst because Mishima is mean. 

Dazai counters by ruining Mishima’s life in the most extraordinarily petty ways as frequently as possible.

Atsushi

ALTERNATIVELY. Atsushi actually is a good protagonist.

HERE IS AN EXERCISE, WHAT DO EACH OF THESE SHOUNEN HEROES WANT AND HOW DO WE KNOW?

Edward Elric: wants the philosopher’s stone, will do basically anything for it, we find this out in chapter 1.

Gon Freaks: Wants to find his dad, chapter 1

Luffy: Wants to find his dad, chapter 1

Allen Walker: wants to save everyone from akuma because dad feels, chapter, idk, like 3

Naruto: Wants the acknowledgement of his village, works tirelessly for it. We find this out in like chapter 1. (yeah I know naruto is bad don’t @ me but look the MC had a clear motivation)

(AV have you read any shounen manga since 2001-- nO)

Atsushi: Wants... uh. To not starve??? This need is met in chapter 1. Wants to... be.. a good employee...? Wants to beat Akutagawa because... he’s bad....??? Wants to... make Dazai proud...?

It’s not impossible to write a story with a MC who isn’t clearly motivated, but it’s a fuckload harder to make it compelling and you prrrroobably need to have some other kind of clear focus to replace the fact that your MC does not. IE if you are specially exploring the story of an unmotivated hero, you frame his actions around the fact that he is really just doing things by route and how this separates him from the people around him who actually have priorities in their life. 

Or, if you want to be like ‘Atsushi’s motivation is that he cares and wants to help!’ LOOK: If they are sO HEROIC that they just nEED TO BE THE HERO ALL THE TIME (Allen Walker) either because they lack self worth (Allen Walker) or are so empathetic that they can’t help but try to save everyone (Allen Walker), you narratively frame the story around them so that it highlights this as both a strength and a weakness of their character. The inability to save everyone vs feeling like your life only has value if you can save everyone is deeply fucked up and should haunt your MC.

The manga starts to slightly course correct Atsushi after waaay too many chapters, which is why he starts having an actually interesting dynamic with Akutagawa. But now he wants to ‘overcome his abuser’, and though this itself is extremely unclear as to what it means. I suspect it means ‘continue to do the exact same shit he’s being doing until he believes in himself’ whichhhhh is boring. It could work if the framing is consistent and Atsushi begins to have actual conflict with his own behavior and the way he treats his life as disposable and his suffering as unimportant. 

He could also use some flaws, which, again, we only see signs off later in the game with his Akutagawa relationship. Atsushi can be forgiven for not realizing that Dazai was horrible to Akutagawa, since neither Dazai nor Akutagawa will ever explain that, but he is still pretty shitty to Akutagawa deliberately! And it’s nice seeing him be a little prick.

If everything that is happening now with Atsushi had happened from the beginning, you know how you are supposed to start a shounen manga with the protagonist actually doing anything interesting or important, the manga would be much less bad. If Atsushi had more than like 1.5 flaws and a .75 motivation now, the manga would also be a lot better.

I don’t actually like this idea as much as all of my other ones, but if he MUST be the MC, what if he was actually good at it at all.

[supernatural-firstwatch]

Season 5 Episode 17: 99 Problems

YEEEES!!!! I filed my taxes!!! Which means I am done #adulting for the day and can finally watch some SPN!!! That was my deal to myself: No SPN until I file my taxes. Also, is season 13 the last season of SPN? I saw an article and the title was the boys talking about “the Final Season” but I didn’t click it because BEWARE OF SPOILERS! Anyone know????

- Heeeey!!!! that’s smart!!! Firetruck full of holy water!! Hurt Sam!! What happened?? And the Impala’s windows are now shattered. Ooops!

- Oh honey. The boys know that. You’re a... militia? Those are back in style now?

- Oooh, not a firetruck. Just an inspired truck. 

- Lulz. Sam and Dean’s reputation precedes them. Leah the daughter knows all about them! And she knows about the marks on their ribs?? Oooh, she’s a prophet! Interesting. 

- CASS HAS THE BEST VOICEMAIL MESSAGE!!!!! “You have reached the voicemail of ‘I don’t understand. Why do I have to say my name?’ *beeping sounds of Cass hitting his cell phone keys*”

- Well that sucks. Kid stays with Sam and Dean and dies. Ooops. 

- Hmmm.... What? The dead will be resurrected in the final days and all you have to do is fallow the angels’ commands? Who here thinks that’s just weird and fishy?

- Dean’s feeling guilty. He’s just gonna go along with everything that’s going on cause, like he said, it’s not his town. There’s going to be a prizefight?? So that means a big ass battle? And then the planet goes to the Chosen? What the hell does that even mean? 

- Oh man, Dean is just so over this whole crap. “Angel world, angel rules, man.” “And since when is that okay with you?” “Since the angels got the only lifeboats on the Titanic.” The dialogue in this series is phenomenal. 

- AAARGH!!! BOYS!!!! “You want to just stop fighting, roll over?” “I don’t know. Maybe.” “Don’t say that.” “Why not?” “Cau you can’t do this.” “Actually, I can.” “No, you can’t. You can’t do this to me. I got one thing-- One thing keeping me going. You think you’re the only one white-knuckling it here, Dean? I can’t count on anyone else. And I can’t do this alone.” At least Sam is actually TALKING! Fucking finally! He spent 4 seasons being tight-lipped about everything while trying to make Dean emote everywhere and now he’s finally letting Dean know how he feels. And Dean doesn’t even know how to deal with it. :(

- Oh sheesh. Now the angels are going to get the towns people to go kill their friends who aren’t listening to their commandments? I still think she’s not being tapped by angels. 

- LOL!!!! Cass finds the sound of Sam’s voice grating. And he is soooooo drunk!!! He found a liquor store and he drank it. That implies that he drank ALL OF THE LIQUOR STORE!

- AHA!!!! SHE’S NOT A PROPHET!!! I knew that the angel orders were weird and fishy! 

- So... Which horseman do we have left? That’s what I’m betting on. Otherwise maybe Lucifer is using Leah? I mean, the exorcism is Enochian, which means and angel gave it to her. 

- LOL!!! “The whore.” “Wow, Cass. Tell us what you really think.”

- AAAAH!!!!! SHE RISES WHEN LUCIFER WALKS THE EARTH! Oh, it’s just a monster! HAHAHAHA!!! The exorcism means “You breed with the mouth of a goat.” LOL!!!! So the demons they were exorcising are all still probably totally fine and just jumped ship. Except for the ones that Sam killed with the knife. Those are dead. 

- Oooo, I think preacher dad is starting to have doubts about his daughter. 

- Awwwh!!! The dad is going to have to kill the whore impersonating his daughter cause only a “true servant of heaven” can kill her. Oh, that’s not Cass. “Sam. of course is an abomination.” 

- I think Cass is starting to have a hangover. Interesting to know that angels can have hangovers. HAHAHAHA!!! *Dean throws Cass a bottle of pills.* “How many should I take?” “You? You should probably just down the whole bottle.” 

- Wait. Dean actually managed to kill her? What does that mean? He’s a servant of Heaven? Does that mean he’s decided to say yes? Or just that because he hunts demons and is trying to stop the apocalypse then that just makes him a servant of heavan automatically?  

- There’s still 6 minutes left to this episode. I bet she’s not dead yet. 

- WHERE IS DEAN GOING??? LISA??? Deeeeeeeaaaaaan!!!!!! “Look, I have no illusions, okay? I know the life that I live. I know how that’s going to end for me. Whatever. I’m okay with that. But I wanted you to know... That when I do picture myself happy... It’s with you. And the kid.” 

- I’m sorry Dean, what? You’re making arrangements for Lisa and Ben (WHO IS TOTALLY YOUR CHILD I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS)??? What does that mean??? Dean is about to say “Yes.” 

DEAN!!! DEAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING????? 

[warrioreowynofrohan]

OH MY GOODNESS YES, that scene where Weu Wuxian straight-up mind-controlled Lan Wangji and forced him to drink and got him beaten for it and then didn’t even really apologize or admit wrongdoing afterwards really shaded my opinion of him for a long time in the show, and I still think it’s one of the worst things he does, especially because it’s done so frivolously and casually.

I disagree that nothing bad happens. Nothing sexual happens, but forcing someone to break their own moral code is a horrific violation of personal rights and autonomy, and doing so just for lulz is... really, really disgusting. (For context, I rarely drink; I’m not against drinking in principle but I’m never gotten drunk, and the idea of someone taking control of me and forcing me to do so is just so skeevy and disturbing. And then Lan Wangji is punished for something he had no choice in! And then Wei Wuxian persists in treating it like it’s all some big joke!)

I am not okay with that scene in any way and don’t like it being treated as something cute.

The most I can say in Wei Wuxian’s defence is that he had no way of knowing that Lan Wangji was that much of a lightweight - but regardless of that, he knew that drinking was a violation of Lan Wangji’s moral principles, and he still forced him to do it, so it’s very little of an excuse.

(In contrast, the later scene where Lan Wangji gets drunk of his own accord is hilarious and sweet. Especially the bit with the chickens! Everything Lan Wangji has been doing since Wei Wuxian returned has the implicit meaning of “I adore you and want to give you all the things” and when he gets drunk that sentiment just becomes expressed in incredibly literal ways.)

i don’t think wwx is deliberately rude. i took him being casual with lwj in their youth as a way to break down barriers between them, because he wanted them to be close, even if he didn’t understand or care why. what you said about young wwx not understanding consent was rlly interesting, given his dalliances with consensual nonconsent in his intimate life w lwj. idk, i don’t think he has bad intentions, and i don’t think lwj seriously takes it the wrong way for the most part, at least later

oh I agree with you anon, I don’t think Wei Wuxian is being actively, maliciously rude, but you gotta admit, teenaged Wei Wuxian in Cloud Recesses is pretty darn obnoxious. He’s a guest, a summer student, the very least he could do is at least try and obey the rules. Keep in mind that Lan Wangji was raised on these sect precepts, and for Wei Wuxian to stroll in, break half a dozen rules, refuse to admit his wrongdoing, and then continue to make comments about the Lan Sect being stiff and no fun for the rest of the summer? That can’t sit well with Lan Wangji, no matter how early or fast he falls for Wei Wuxian. We as viewers are inclined to sympathize with rebel-just-for-kicks Wei Wuxian, but Lan Wangji built his life on these principles. Maybe he does need to get out of that kind of rigid, rule-based environment, but you could, y’know, ease him into it. Lan Wangji has barriers for a reason, and a good relationship based on mutual consent involves both parties working to break those barriers together, not one side deploying relentless siege weaponry to get the other to crack out of their shell.

(I’m afraid I’m not familiar with their intimate lives, since I haven’t read the novel and don’t plan on doing so anytime soon)

The comment I made about teenage Wei Wuxian not understanding consent comes from that moment when Lan Wangji catches One Braincell Trio drinking after hours, and Wei Wuxian slaps a talisman on Lan Wangji’s back to prevent him from immediately going out and reporting them. We don’t know exactly what this talisman does, but it renders Lan Wangji alternately immobile and compliant; Wei Wuxian successfully gets Lan Wangji to take a drink while the talisman is still stuck to Lan Wangji’s shoulder, which gave me all sorts of really uncomfy vibes about consent under the influence.

Again! Nothing bad happens! Wei Wuxian is a sweetheart and would never dream of taking advantage of someone like that! He won’t even ask (overly) invasive questions!

Wei Wuxian is constantly doing things to get a rise out of Lan Wangji; in the cold springs, he shuffles closer when Lan Wangji moves away. He darts in and fixes Lan Wangji’s sleeve; he tugs on a shoulder ribbon. I’m personally of the opinion that you don’t touch someone unless you’ve been given permission to touch them, and at that point in the show, Lan Wangji has not given Wei Wuxian this kind of blanket permission. Oh, we can speculate for days about how Lan Wangji has secret repressed desires for Wei Wuxian to break down all his walls about trust and etiquette (I’m actually pretty sure that’s what 50% of this fandom is about), but as far as I’m concerned, that’s something that can and should be worked out slowly through a relationship built on permission asked for and granted.

Everything works out in the end for those two, so Wei Wuxian being a stereotype of a teenaged boy and deploying the “bother my crush until they pay attention to me” method of friendship just happens to end well. Would I have hit him at least once, if someone tried that on me? Probably. A friend who confessed a crush on me once ran his fingers through my hair when I wasn’t expecting it, and I nearly backhanded him on the spot. I gotta reiterate – don’t touch people if they haven’t given you permission. You don’t know what baggage they have about touch.

[misanthropicmegara]

A segment from my new Nanowrimo novel.

It’s mainly for the lulz guys, so if you want to read it, just enjoy. Megara is in it. Just... maybe not quite the way you expect. Seven books in.

“I have access to a page from the mysterious and precious Melanthian Pharmakopeia,” Kosmas announced, holding aloft a page from a book. “I will summon for you all a spirit from another world!”

Fotini shivered, and glanced at Karesinda, then they both fixed their eyes on Pia.

“I don’t know if it’s sacrilegious any better than you two,” Pia shrugged, but she did make the sign of Phi over her brow and heart.

Fotini and Karesinda hurriedly copied her, and Karesinda kissed the compass rose pendant around her neck, then held the little golden charm firmly in her hand.

Fotini though this was a good idea, as well, and the trio huddled close, each clutching their pendants and pressing their arms against one another’s.

Kosmas beckoned a series of servants near, each of whom carried a bowl of something, and then he paced around the room, chanting as if they were in the basilica, with notes rising and falling up a scale. “O, Megara, Megara Pharmaka, I summon you into our presence, where you may find a place to rest! May the centuries melt away! May your heart beat and your eyes flash with knowledge! May Hekate release you unto us! We bear the things which are sweet to the dead… sweet milk of the goat of the field… olives still supple from the tree, nectar of the bee, and saffron from the sacred crocus! Come to us and pour out your sweet wine, o cousin of Dionysus!”

“Did he say he’s summoning the Medicine Throne?” Fotini whispered.

“I thought he said Scapegoat Throne,” Karesinda whispered back.

“And it sounded like Throne of Magic to me, but… One of those is probably someone’s name,” Pia added.

“I saw this page of the Pharmakopeia,” Merita said, creeping up to join them. “She’s a powerful spirit, I’m interested to see how he plans to contain her.”

“Why should she be contained?” Fotini whispered worriedly.

“Oh, because she’s a vampire,” Merita said.

“The undead?” all three girls squeaked.

“I hate the undead!” Fotini lamented.

“Oh, she’s all dead. Dead for hundreds of years. But she was a witch while she lived. So, she serves the mistress of all witches.”

“I didn’t realize Kosmas was an idiot,” Pia said.

Meanwhile, Kosmas was taking a handful or scoop from each bowl into a jar at the center of his circle of onlookers, and repeating his chant.

“Adventurous, maybe,” Merita shrugged.

“Why aren’t you more concerned?” Fotini asked.

“Because powerful spirits tend to be more offended that someone summoned them for pointless tricks than because other people watched.”

“Isn’t he your brother-in-law?” Karesinda asked.

“Do I look like I can stop him from whatever he wants to do?”

“You should try! I mean…” Karesinda blushed, and hopped nervously in place.

“He’ll be fine,” Merita shrugged. “She’s never eaten anyone that I know of. At worst, she’ll take him to bed and he’ll be anemic for a week. That’ll keep him from bothering the likes of you three for a while, I think.”

“I don’t want her to go to bed with him!” Karesinda protested loudly enough that several people snickered.

A soft purple light filled the jar, and overflowed it, and as Kosmas continued to chant, a female voice began to hum the notes.

“Here she comes,” Merita breathed. “How grand, he’s actually succeeded…”

The purple light grew into a crystalline shape of a woman, dancing as the song went on, moving slowly like a gentle flame in a hearth.

“She’s not scary,” Fotini huffed. “How boring!”

“You were about to soil yourself a moment ago,” Karesinda hissed. “Let’s just appreciate the fact that a spirit from another world with magic powers is showing up to sing and dance for us!”

The audience began to clap and cheer, and Kosmas stopped in his circling to gaze upon Megara Pharmaka.

She took shape more and more to look like a woman with long flowing curls, with one coil of hair at the back of her head, and the rest swaying with her tiered flounces of skirts. Her arms were half covered by the sleeves of her tight bodice, and many jars and bags hung from around her belt.

“This is your spirit?” someone asked. “What else can she do?”

“I made her appear, didn’t I?” Kosmas asked, and approached her. “Megara Pharmaka… I am Kosmas.” He extended a hand to her, and she stopped singing and dancing to stare at him.

“No, keep away from her!” Karesinda begged.

Kosmas paused. “It’s all right. She’s harmless.”

“I don’t hear that often,” Megara Pharmaka said, quite amused by the tone of her voice through her thick, ancient accent. Her voice sounded as if it had rung in mysterious halls shadowed by a veil of time, as if her eyes had seen many things that had built the world they lived in now, if only from across a vast expanse of equally mysterious space.

“She speaks!” Someone gasped.

“Ha!” Megara Pharmaka planted both fists on her hips and threw her head back. “She speaks!” she repeated mockingly, and finally seemed to take in the room around her as her coloring filled in. She was a pale, slight woman with inky black hair, and her dress was of many shades of purple, with a blush of red. “I should be surprised that you speak, you provincial sheep!”

Fotini snickered, and the spirit’s dark eyes landed on her, which instantly silenced her.

“Mackie?” Megara Pharmaka asked, tilting her head. “No… Arete…?”

“I’m… no, I’m not—”

Megara closed the distance between them moments later, and Pia, Karesinda and Merita all jumped away from Fotini. “Not even my little Issie… how long has it been? Are you my grandchild?”

“No, no, you’re from another world, that’s what he said,” Fotini said, her voice coked down to a whisper.

The spirit was so close to her that the magic radiating off her made Fotini feel drunk.

“Another world… that sounds… familiar…” Megara blinked her inquisitive, dark eyes at Fotini, who could not look away, even though she was beginning to remember a crucial point about the spirit: she was a vampire.

“Megara,” Kosmas said, and there was a note of admiration that stuck in his throat. “I thought you may… tell the fortunes of my guests.”

“I don’t understand the birds here,” Megara shrugged.

“Are there any other tricks you might do?” Kosmas asked.

Megara raised a brow. “What will I get if I do?”

“You don’t like the summoning offerings?” Kosmas asked.

“Gods, they smell great, but I can’t really… eat them.” Megara turned back to Fotini. “What is your name, girl?”

“Fotini,” she returned, automatically.

“Fire, how pleasant. Fire was always my favorite,” Megara said, and seized Fotini’s hand. “This isn’t going to hurt much,” she said, then bit into Fotini’s wrist.

Fotini shrieked more out of dismay than pain, for she could scarcely even feel the bite or the drain, and she hopped in place shouting, “She’s biting me! What do I do? What do I do? Help me, please!”

Megara pulled back. “Oh, please. It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was,” Fotini whined, and clutched her wrist to her chest, even though she found no wounds but tiny white points on her skin, and no bleeding. “That was so rude!”

Megara shrugged. “Gods, you’re such a baby. Didn’t your father dump you in a cave when you were—oh, wait, that was me… you’re fine. She’s fine, everyone! Just a coddled girl-child!”

There was some laughter, and Fotini stamped her foot.

“What, now everyone gets to laugh at me, even vampire ghosts from other worlds?”

“Yes, it does appear so,” Megara said, watching Fotini with a bemused smirk. “What do you plan to do to change that?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t stand how everyone here thinks it’s great to keep laughing at me every damned day!”

“Watch your language!” Pia protested.

“You hold on, I’m talking to the vampire ghost witch!” Fotini shouted, holding up one finger to Pia while Megara laughed.

“Gods, when you put it like that, I sound awesome.”

“I was so scared of you before you got here, but you’re just as obnoxious and petty and disappointing as the rest of them!” Fotini exclaimed.

Megara began to clap. “Wow, you’re really good at venting,” she pointed at everyone. “Do you see them laughing, now?”

Fotini blinked and looked at all the other nobles. “No…” she said, though she did think some were probably plotting to kill her.

“And now that I’ve bitten you, and spent more time talking to you than any of the rest, what do you think they’re thinking of you now?”

“That they’re incredibly jealous because some of the men thought you’d be interested in them?”

Megara snickered, and for some reason, seemed incredibly human. “I’m not interested, thanks!” she called nonchalantly. “I may be a ghost, but Elysium has its perks. I have someone to go home to. Right now, I’m just amused that a new version of me is at the heart of a court, learning to be a complete nuisance.” She reached out and patted Fotini’s head. “It’s supposed to be a party, right? Entertain our guests.’’

“I can’t—”

“Now, you can,” Megara said, and pointed to Fotini’s arm, where she could now see that the bite marks were glowing. “Who will laugh at you, now, when you have been blessed by their parlor trick?”

“Blessed with two glowing wrist dots?” Fotini scoffed.

Megara snorted, and fire burst forth from Fotini’s hand.

Shrieking, Fotini waved her hand to put the fire out, but it only turned a deep purple with green about the edges… like her eyes…

“Oh, this is the most fun I’ve ever had at a party!” Megara exclaimed, clapping. “Thanks for the invite!”

“What did you do to me?” Fotini asked.

“Just stop whining and realize what you are, now,” Megara said. “Fotini, I heard your name, I gave you what you are. You are a fire. You have part of my power, now. I mean, sure, the moon will probably change whether or not you can use it, but let’s see people try to bully you now, huh? Worked for me when I was a child.”

“I’m not a child!” Fotini protested, and the fire spread over her whole body.

“Compared to me, you are!” Megara laughed. “Wait, I don’t know how to leave this place.”

“You can’t leave now, anyway!” Fotini waved her hand around. “Make it stop!”’

“Calm down,” Megara rolled her eyes. “I mean, really, that’s how it works.”

“I get irritated and stuff all the time, am I going to burn everything?” Fotini asked.

“Gods, you’re so picky, now I know how Hekate feels.” Megara took Fotini’s hand again, and wiggled it around, and the fire disappeared. “Now you’ll have to call on it. And it may not even show up, I’m not good at projecting my power outside my world, yet. Serves you right.”

“Uh…thanks,” Fotini frowned at Megara. “You were supposed to be a wild monster.

“Oh, is that what everyone wanted? Was I supposed to be a bloodthirsty lunatic? I actually hate blood, I always have! That’s why the book specifically said not to include blood in the summoning ritual!”

“But you’re a vampire!” Merita stressed.

“Gods, sure, but did you see me leave a mess?” Megara huffed. “I’m civilized, gods forbid I wasn’t!”

“I should’ve summoned someone else, friends, I’m sorry,” Kosmas said, rubbing his beard. “I read about a Menoikeus, a child born from a ghost—”

Megara let out the frenzied shriek everyone had expected from her and lunged at Kosmas. “Where is that book?” she demanded, and scratched at his face as he stumbled around. “If you touch my Niki, I swear to you, I’ll flay your tongue!”

“Back!” Kosmas cried, “Go back!” he kicked over the jar, and Megara evaporated like morning mist. As he caught his breath, he straightened his tunic. “That… was an adventure, wasn’t it?” he asked, his eyes darting around the crowd as they shook off their shock. His eyes settled on Fotini. “Well… welcome to court, little witch,” he said, breathing hard. “Seems like next time I need to put on a show, I’ll just call on you.”

[originaldetectivesheep]

A Life of Riley Part 1 - The Problem With Grinckles ch 6

Chapter 5

VI

I leaned back and hit Send; the formatting on my Differential Equations homework had finally turned out all correct the third time I'd printed it, so I could send the PDF over to my professor and be done for the day.  Two hours of math and then another two and a half hours beating LaTeX with a rock to do up all the formulas so they looked like something, but I was done all my math for the weekend before five on Saturday. I was golden; plenty of time to eat dinner, see what was good on my groups, then hit up someone's party or go down to the bars on Sperry Street and try to hook up.  I still had a couple microwaves problems that needed tightening up, but I could handle those tomorrow; tonight was tonight, and tonight was all mine.

As I logged out of the lab terminal and stood up, I saw Sajitha waving at me through the glass out in the corridor.  I waved back, unconcerned, but she was still there in the same place after I made my way out, dropping the test prints into the recycling bucket.  "Hey, Saj," I said by way of trying to figure out what was going on, "what's up? Are you looking for me for something?"

She shook her head, still falling in next to me as I walked down the hall.  "Kind of," she said, "but not really.  Are you going over to the lab?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't have anything to do over there tonight.  I was just going to go grab dinner, probably at the Zussman caf, and see where it was going off tonight.  You?"

"The caf? Under Zussman?  Are you into the shredded green-bean sludge they put on everything or something?  Don't you live like just the other side of the parking lot behind the ChemE lab barn?  Why the caf when it's that close to go home?  Did you just forget to buy food or something?"

"No, I am kinda running low," I said, "but you don't have to eat the green-bean casserole slurry they give you if you don't want to, and actually mostly I'm trying to avoid this chick Laura from the complex; if I go home and do some ramen she'll be sniffing around to 'pregame' with her friends, and then we'll end up getting blasted and hook up while they go out.  Normally I wouldn't mind, but I'm feeling good and I actually want to do something tonight, not just get drunk watching TV and have bad vodka sex.  I mean, it's been a good day, and I got a feeling it's going to be a good night – how about I bag the caf, and we go down and tear it up at the Scottsdale till we score or get kicked out?"

"I want to go out," she said, stepping up right in next to me, "but I have something that I have to finish drawing out for Riley – some kind of stupid STOVL wing part – and I was hoping that you were going that way so I could ask you to walk me across the quad; there's some weird protest there tonight and I've been hearing bad things about it."

"Some kind of wack protest?" I said, turning to look her over critically.  "Bad shit?  What the hell is it?  The Black Bloc? Frog nazis?  And you want me to walk you over?  Saj, you'd be beating them up for me. Why not text Remy?"

Sajitha rolled her eyes and sighed a mighty sigh.  "First, Remy has a meet against Tech this weekend, so he's in Grabau Green getting kicked in the face.  And second, even if he was around, I wouldn't want to encourage him."  I wisely refrained from commenting about how she knew a hell of a lot about his schedule, for a dude that she didn't want to encourage interest in.  "And I know I can take care of myself; it's just for insurance.  I don't think it's frog nazis, but if it is, I want to just go to the lab, and not to jail because I shoved some CompEng incel weeaboo's tiki torch so far up his ass it knocked his teeth out.  They won't start if I'm not alone."

I nodded.  "Okay, okay.  I get you, and it's not that far out of the way.  No problem." I stuck my hands in my pockets, maybe unconsciously imitating Remy's fighter's strut.  "And if there's really a protest that's going to turn bad, I'm kind of curious about it – I don't think I've ever seen a riot in real life."

Sajitha shuddered.  "Yeah, that's a good thing.  You really don't want to, trust me.  But this one, it's probably not going to be a real riot, people throwing bricks at the cops shooting rubber bullets and stuff.  It's not that kind of protest – not political, no counterprotest at least that I've heard about, just talk that it would get taken over for a prank."  I could tell she was shaken up about the possibility of a riot, because she didn't even glare at me as I held the door open ahead of her.

"A prank?" I asked.  "Who the hell takes over a protest as a prank?  What the heck kind of protest even lets itself in for something like that?  Are you sure you're getting accurate information?"

Sajitha took a deep breath as we left the library path onto the main road over towards the engineering quad.  "A protest put up by amateurs who don't know how to read people who pretend to offer help. Listen, I haven't told a lot of people about this, but back freshman year I rushed one of the desi sororities for like thirty seconds, just so that I could show my parents that it wasn't ever going to happen, and I still talk to a couple of the girls who did make it in. Someone working in the admin office like Tuesday saw an application for a protest from some Anti-Grinckle Askari thing that didn't exist two weeks ago, Comic Sans and formal, non-native English, and they approved it as a joke – and told their frat buddies, who told all their other frat buddies, and now it's like all around the frats that they're going to show up and take over this protest, and with everyone drunk off their ass after that football game, if it even happens it's not going to go well.  It's probably not going to go Nazi, but how do you even tell these days – and I spend too much time around the AP lab to not just keep thinking about how much worse things could get than my worst-case scenario."

I was thinking.  "Grinckles again – and askari, that's Swahili, for like 'soldier' or 'army'.  He might have gotten other people to help him, but this smells like Wilson; he told us he was going to get rid of the grinckles his way, and that we should stay out of the way, but if he's getting taken for a ride by a bunch of frat bros, I'd want to get him out of there, get him back to his senses before he gets blamed for their shit and expelled or something.  Those white-cap wastoids can just have Daddy write another full-freight check to Tech or some other school if they get kicked out, but if Wilson loses his scholarship here, that's the end: no degree, no medical boards, and he has to go back to his village and, no lie no racism, live in a house made out of mud and sticks.  Seriously; I've seen his pictures from home. We haven't spoken since that thing two weeks ago, but no way I'm going to let that happen to him."

Sajitha nodded, sticking close as we came up on the quad.  "I know.  I hope it's not – but if it is, then I guess we've got to; do you think I should maybe ping Riley and see if we can't get the rest of the lab to help?"

I turned in place; there was the start of a crowd ahead – thank god no tiki torches, and the haircuts weren't quite shitty enough for a high Nazi turnout – and I had to get this straightened out before we got any closer, up where more people might hear us.  "Not now – not right now and not except as a last resort, if everything goes completely to shit and we can't do anything.  You call for help from the lab, and Riley's going to roll up here with that cannon again, and half the dislocator rigged up as an area-denial energy weapon, and things are just going to get worse.  If we can just put a bag over Wilson's head and kick a couple bros in the stomach and get away like that, we'll do it that way, the easy and sane way, and not make this dumb rally a case for the FBI."  Sajitha nodded her agreement, and I turned back, to start leading us through the crowd of white dudes in khakis and polo shirts towards where we'd be able to do something for Wilson if he was mixed up in this.

There sure did seem to be a lot of white people here, a lot more than you got around the engineering quad generally, or at any protest that wasn't going to start heiling at you.  And while they still didn't look like Nazis, they didn't smell like the safe kind of white protestors; alcohol and meathead body spray, not patchouli oil and weed.  This was a "protest" of mostly frat bros, drunk up to their eyeballs, in it for the lulz – and you had to be real dumb to give Wilson more than a snowball's chance in this kind of crowd, especially if the cops flipped out and shit got real. There was some kind of stage set up on the steps of Dittmarsch Hall, some kind of PA set up there, and I sidled through towards it, trying to make out what was going on and also not knock over anyone's beer and start a riot before we could figure out what the hell was supposed to be happening.

There was a scree and a hiss and a squelch from the speakers up front; some idiot not knowing how to microphone, and then the confirmation for everyone who hadn't done A/V crap in high school:  "Yo dudes, y'all ready to get LIT? Are you ready to fight tha power?  Ready or not, comin' straight atcha – himself, the generalissimo, El commandante, HNIC of the AGA – come on and give it up!  Stand up, set up, get up for the Fearless – uuuurp – Leader, Eddy Wannafunzi!"  I could see the speaker gesturing now, gesturing at someone over at the side of the steps who probably was justifiably nervous about following that brain-dead, peripherally racist attempt at a hype intro.  "Get up!  Get up!  Make some noise!  Fuck the cops!"  The bros around us burst out cheering and wooting, and whoever it was hanging about getting introduced up front decided that was good enough and started to come out, the streetlights glinting off a galaxy of medals on a crazy costume-shop uniform with the brushes on the shoulders, a peaked cap so high it looked like it had been cut right out of a political cartoon.

"Good," Sajitha murmured, pressed into my back.  "It's not Wilson up there – it's not him; it's another name and there's no way he'd lose all his self-respect and go outside in a uniform like that.  Can we go now?  This rally's going to get real stupid if that's how it starts, and someone's going to get hurt."

"No," I said, craning around to see past some idiot in a white baseball hat from a pro lacrosse team, "no, that's definitely Wilson.  The name is super fake and I don't know where he got the uniform from, but that's definitely his glasses.  Go ahead and text Riley – this is about to officially get so bad that the Applied Physics lab can't make it worse."  As if on cue, a megaphone crackled to life, and Wilson's voice gruddered out over the assembled throng – crumpled up and distorted and maybe he was trying to put on a different accent, but Wilson always and all the same.

"Comrades!" he shouted, "Comrades – comrades one and all!  We are the same – we want the same thing!  We will stop the invasion – we will stop the violation against nature!  We will act – we will act united – we will act united right now!  We will kill them – we will kill all of them – we will kill all the red fish!  We can't stop – we can't even leave one alive.  Now!  Up!  Commit yourselves!  Swear it!  Hate!  Hate!  Kill!"

"Man, it's a good thing he's got his fist closed, holding it up like that, or I'd think we were really in bizarro world," I said, shoving some drunk bro out of the way so Sajitha could nudge past.  "I give it about fifteen seconds until someone yells a racial slur and the police come in with clubs – no idea how he's still talking up there."  The crowd was roiling around us, yelling incoherently at the challenge lines, occasionally making sense, but a bad kind of sense: "Yeah!  Kill!  Fuck!  Get'em!  Fuck the cops!  Revenge!" Wilson was talking about grinckles up on the stage, in a way that would whip up his audience before they realized that he was talking about fish, but down here, nobody was hearing anything about fish at all.

"Yeah! Hell yeah!  That's it!  Fight the power!"  The hype man, whoever he was, was back, and Wilson was looking confused that he was getting upstaged, that his anti-grinckle rally was getting co-opted into an anti-something else rally.  "You heard the man – you heard the man – we got to get'em – we got to get the reds!  The fish are the end of the wedge – the fish are the tip of the iceberg; you know what we need to do.  We got to get all the ching chong fish, get all the ching chong cops, get all of them, we show them who's boss!  Fight the power!  Fuck the cops!  Get the chingchongs!"  I almost stopped for a moment as the crowd exploded – the cops must be charging from some side or another, the explicit race riot incitement the last straw – trying to figure out just how and why in the hell this had suddenly turned into a riot against Asians, and then Sajitha shoved me forward.

"RIOT!!!" someone bellowed too close, and the crowd turned into a moshpit, and I was getting rammed forward like the prow of an icebreaker, Sajitha's shoulder in my back.  Dudes were punching other dudes, going flying past and above and around us, randoms screaming, and it was all I could do to defend myself.  "I hope you like your riot now," she said, still shoving, "because this is going to feel like makeouts from a starstuck freshman next to what's going to happen in a moment.  Please, help shove, so we can get to your stupid, stupid friend before they open up with tear gas."  "GAS GAS GAS!" someone screamed, either because they heard her wrong or because someone had actually gotten a whiff of pepper spray, and the riot turned into a stampede.

With more of the bros running and fewer of them fighting us, it got easier to push forward, enough to get close enough to see Wilson arguing with his hype man – close enough to see him catch a slap on the ear that unbalanced him and pitched him a nasty fall down the stairs.  I forgot Sajitha, forgot the butthole who'd just punched him in the head, and dove over to make sure he was all right – still breathing, no blood like a fracture, but his eyes were rolled back like he was concussed.  "Wilson!  Wilson!  Say something!"

"Mic DROOOOOP!" yelled the hype man from a few steps up, following it up by dropping the hot mic into a scrultching cacophony of electronic noise as it bashed itself off the steps towards me.  "You got tha powaaa!  You got to get up! You got to kill all tha dam ching-chong!"  The shithead was wearing Wilson's idiot cap and doing an accent that was probably trying to be Nigerian based on a racist comedian who'd only ever heard it second-hand, and was the shit goddamn last absolute thing we needed.  He lowered the megaphone, wavering as he looked us over, staring up and down Sajitha's figure; "Hey, baby," he said, super-obviously drunk, "what up?  You wanna slammalama-ding-dong?"  He swung his hips and leered, oblivious to the full-scale riot raging around us.

"Oh yeah," Sajitha said, slipping her right hand into her handbag, "I definitely wanna smash." She took a step forward, wiggling her shoulders to distract him, and then punched him so hard with the brass knuckles around her right fist that I saw a shower of teeth and maybe jawbone chips go flying the other way.  The hype man went down in a heap, and there was no sign of anyone stupid or brave or interested enough to avenge him anywhere close.

"How is he?"  Sajitha dropped down beside me as I tried to cradle Wilson's head, keep his feet elevated, so that at least he wouldn't get any worse and it would be obvious, if the cops broke through here, that he was a victim and not a perp.

"He's hurt bad," I said, "he went down the stairs bad and I guess he hit his head – I dunno if he's conscious yet.  Where's the help? Where's the lab?  Shit, I'd be glad to see them roll up with that goddamned cannon again, things are so bad."

"Riley's sending Carolína to get us with the truck," Sajitha answered, ripping the more obvious medals off Wilson's uniform in case someone had made him as an Idi Amin cosplayer.  "I didn't hear anything about a cannon, but you never know." Behind us, there was a squeal of tires, the roar of an engine, and then the shouts and screams of a bunch of panicked frat bros as Carolína's beat-up black Bronco skidded sideways through them to come to a stop at the foot of the stairs.  I didn't think you even could drift a Ford Bronco – that must have been something that they worked on when they put the engine back on its mounts after the cannon thing.

The passenger door popped open as if from a kick, but it wasn't Carolína hunched up so she could barely see over the wheel in the driver's seat – that was Yuping's black brush, tall and rigid way up near the roof.  The plan had changed since Sajitha got her text, obviously, but he was still a friend and we had to get while the getting was good.  I threw Wilson's arm over my shoulders to carry him over to the truck, and Sajitha rushed ahead to open the rear door and get us all bundled in.

The crowd was starting to close up around us by the time she closed the passenger door behind her and Yuping put the Bronco in gear again – a few of them maybe noticing that he was one of the ones they were supposed to hate.  "So what happened?  Is Carolína okay?"  Sajitha didn't look that concerned, but if the plan was changed now, there might be other changes later.

"She okay," Yuping said, "Riley just change driver last minute. 'Colombian learn drive too nice,' Riley say, 'because consequences. But Chinese don't take prisoner.'"  Yuping set the shifter, left hand holding the wheel in hard, then stomped on the gas, scattering frat bros like leaves before the whirlwind.  It wasn't strictly accurate – Yuping hadn't been one of those princelings immune to the laws back in China, but then again I was pretty sure that Colombians didn't actually settle every traffic argument with gunplay either – but if it got him to move like this it was good enough.  Protestors and cops alike jumped out of our way as he gunned the engine, accelerating over the footpaths to go and find a road; if he was going to drive like this, we didn't need the autocannon to get away.

Yuping parked by the loading dock behind the building that housed the AP lab after a bunch of twists and turns and ducks to make sure we'd shed all the cops, and I handed off Wilson's incriminating uniform jacket to Sajitha to throw in a dumpster while Yuping and I carried him up the stairs.  Up in the lab, Carolína had hugs and ajiaco and aguardiente for everyone and enough cardboard and spare cushions on the floor to let Wilson rest easy; Riley, by contrast, was completely occupied torch-cutting something and barely looked up as we came in.

"I don't get it, though," I said, after we'd gotten him comfortable; Wilson was stirring a little, but  it was better to let him come back to himself on his own terms, with as much chicken-potato stew and sugarcane whiskey as that would involve.  "I mean, what the shit?  Who the hell is mad about Asians in this day and age?  I mean, shit, 'ching-chong', who even says that?"

"It was kind of a bad day for them, you know," Carolína said, like she was taking part in a different conversation.  "If they didn't have Roosevelt Kang in their fantasy, it was very bad – he went off, he threw four touchdowns and ran in a fifth on a naked bootleg very late, like he was rubbing it in."

I blinked, because I wasn't sure what Wisconsin's half-Korean quarterback had to do with anything.  "Okay, yeah, that's a good day for Kang, and if the dude you were playing started him, then yeah, you got killed, but there was a lot of bros there – they couldn't all have been playing against him this week."  Sajitha and Carolína and Yuping all stared at me after that, and even Riley turned around, torch laid aside.

"Leo, we played Wisconsin today," Sajitha said at last, slowly like she couldn't believe someone was this dumb.  "At home.  We lost 45-nothing.  Roosevelt Kang squatted down and teabagged the entire campus, or at least all the people who care too much about football. Do you get it now?"  I started to get it – angry drunks who'd just gotten humiliated in their own stadium; white people, mostly, who'd seen some Asian-looking dude go yard on them at football.  It was easier to understand, but that didn't make the riot any less stupid.

"All right," I said, "I kind of get it – I can understand it, but I can't excuse it.  And shit, Wilson, what were you thinking?  I can't excuse that, getting up in front of a bunch of drunk, short-fuse white people and talking like that.  You hang around with me too much, man – you forget how like nearly all the other white people around here are."  I felt kind bad about rolling it downhill onto Wilson, blinking on the cushion pile with Carolína holding a bag of peas to the lump on his head, but he was conscious again and it really did go down to him: he didn't have to have this rally, but he did it, and one way or another everything went from there.

"I had to," he said, his voice soft and rounded at the edges, like he was half-dreaming, half-there.  "I had to – if you don't get them screaming, they just sit and scratch.  And I have to get them screaming – you didn't see, I didn't send you profile after it finished.  This 'grinckle', this thing – didn't it come from here?  This lab? The genetics is all wrong – it's all wrong backwards, it's so wrong that if I took a different course last semester, more genetic cladistics, I maybe might say it's not a fish.  What the hell?  Who makes a fish that's not a fish, then puts it on campus to walk by crutches pond to pond?  Nobody – but when it happens – only Applied Physics."

"Wilson, I – yeah, I kind of get where you're coming from.  But – why? What the hell's that supposed to get anybody?"

He shook his head, wincing from the bruise.  "I don't know.  I don't think, maybe, I can ever find out.  But there's no why – nobody else can, so when it happens, it's Applied Physics must have."

"I appreciate the vote of confidence," Riley said from the corner, "but just so you know, the grinckles aren't our fish.  I've got my hands full with enough crap as it is – we're not gene-printing random new fish to get Yuping more likes.  Speaking of," – and Riley changed the subject, exactly like Riley always changed the subject, and like always this was a change for the worse that we'd all have been better off if it didn't have to happen – "Leo, don't you live in Muttonbird Terraces?"

I blinked again, afraid of what was about to come next.  "Yes. Yeah, I do.  Why?"

"You're trending local."  I immediately grabbed up my phone and punched in on the tag; everyone around me was doing the same.  Lol fire at Muttonbird – lol fratboys burning down Muttonbird – i'm live right now yall gotta see this cops shooting at houses on fire at Muttonbird – lol Muttonbird such poors many molotov.  I slumped forward.  Perfect.  The idiot frats had gotten run off the eng quad and now they were burning down my home development and fighting the cops in the ruins.  The phone buzzed, and someone was livestreaming: a cop car was rolled over, on fire against a backdrop of low-rises on fire, white-hatted assholes jumping around, shaking up and throwing beer cans like grenades, as my entire neighborhood went up in smoke.  I looked up, and I had become the lab's pity sink; even Wilson, a glass of aguardiente under his nose to sniff himself awake, was looking at me like I was a street dog begging for pats.

"Well, yeah, you're not going to be able to go home for a while after that – if there's even anywhere to go back to."  Riley cut to the chase like usual, standing up, hands on hips.  "But you're a friend of the lab, and there's always a place here for you, same as for your friend if he wants to hide out here till the heat goes down.  Sit tight for a second; I'll send Yuping out to go grab some extra cardboard, and I'll kick clear a place under the lathe in a minute or two."   Riley nodded approvingly at me, and nobody else in the lab thought there was anything wrong with it.  Excellent.  What an awesome Saturday night.  I'd made some mistakes today, but this was the dead-ass all end: a nice promising weekend with the homework all done turning into one of my best friends mauled in a riot, my place burned down, and me ending up living sleeping on the floor in the friggin Applied Physics lab was all anyone ought to need to convince themselves that no matter how bad they thought their worst-case scenario was, it could always get worse.  A lot worse.  A whole lot worse, if Riley and this crazy lab somehow happened to get involved.

back to the top, to continue to part 2

[aniridescentdarkness]

Stolen from @thekingcolvin

ABOUT ME

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Milk

2. Phone call: My mom

3. Text: Peter

4. Song you listened to: Chia-Like, I Shall Grow by Say Anything

5. Time you cried: I think this past Sunday.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Sort of?

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Sweet Jesus, yeah. Some random guy at a party in college and then he stalked me for the rest of the night because that kiss apparently meant I was going to fuck him, too.

8. Been cheated on: Not that I know of. Wouldn’t be surprised, though.

9. Lost someone special: To death, yes. But emotionally, I no longer find that person special to me so it isn’t a loss anymore.

10. Been depressed: Not clinically diagnosed, but I think I went undiagnosed in middle school.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Oh, yeah.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Black, red, green.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yep!

16. Fallen out of love: Finally, yes.

17. Laughed until you cried: Many times.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: There’s always going to be someone.

19. Met somebody who changed you: I’d say so.

20. Found out who your friends are: Most definitely.

21. Kissed a tumblr mutual: Yep, and there are more I’d kiss if I had the chance (hey-o).

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Tumblr friends do you know in real life: I would have to look in my followers, but a lot of my friends don’t use Tumblr anymore. Of the people I see using it often still, I’d say three.

23. Do you have any pets: YES AND SHE IS THE BEST. My sweet pupper.

24. Do you want to change your name: I used to hate my name because it was so old-fashioned to me but I love it now.

25: What did you do for your last birthday: Shit...they all run together for me now. I believe one of my best friends came to town and we went out to the bars together.

26. What time did you wake up: 5:13am.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Passed the FUCK out.

28. Name something you cant wait for: Finally falling in love again and finding someone to be with forever. But in the immediate future, I can’t wait for Thanksgiving break.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: This morning because ya girl still lives at home.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: The time I wasted being in love with an obviously shitty person.

31: What are you listening to right now: iCarly because I’m still an adolescent, apparently.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named tom: In fact, I have (this is such a bullshit question, wtf).

33. something that is getting on your nerves: My inability to allow things to happen the way they’re supposed to.

34: most visited website: Tumblr or Facebook, probably.

35. mole/s: I’ve got freckles all over my fucking body.

36: mark/s: I’m not sure what this means...but I have one on my knee? That one is new and did not go away after it healed, so I mean, I’m assuming that counts?

37: Childhood dream: I wanted to be a veterinarian.

38: Hair color: Natural? Brown. But I dye it darker because I like everything dark and it fits me better.

39: long or short hair: Long.

40: Do u have a crush on anyone: Yep.

41: What do you like about yourself?: I am unfailingly kind, which is a blessing and a curse.

42. Piercings: My ears.

43. Blood type: I actually don’t know...lulz

44. Nickname: Sherbear, Sherbert, Sherb, Sherry Baby, Sher, Bean, Beanster, Sher-baleen, Sherrold

45. Relationship status: Psh, as if you’d like to know😉just kidding, I honestly am not sure what to consider myself.

46. Zodiac: Aries.

47. Pronouns: She/her.

48: Favorite tv shows: Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey, Stranger Things, The Office, Good Behavior, Gotham, Spongebob

50. Right or left hand: Right.

51. Surgery: Tonsils.

52. Hair dyed in a different color: I used to do highlights when I was in high school, but now I’m all dark.

53: Sport: Basketball over everything.

55. Vacation: Charleston, SC.

56: Pair of trainers: Huh?

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Not anymore, but I just ate popcorn.

58. Drinking: Milk (weird combo with popcorn; I’m aware).

59. I’m about to: Tear my sinuses out of my face because this sinus headache is killing me.

61: Waiting for: Something good to happen.

62: Want: ....something good to happen. Oh, and a puppy. And sex.

63. Get married: That’s the fucking goal.

64. Career: I’m living it. But being a writer/novelist would be cool.

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: I do love kissing, but there’s also something about a good fucking hug that just makes you feel something totally different.

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes.

67. Shorter or taller: Taller.

68. Older or younger: Older.

70. nice arms or nice stomach: Arms.

71: sensitive or loud: Sensitive.

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship.

73. troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER:

74: Kissed a stranger: See #7.

75. Lost glasses/ contact lens: I wear neither.

76. Turned someone down: Yeah, and I feel like shit doing it.

78. Sex on the first date: Nope.

79. Had your heart broken: All the time.

80. Broken someone’s heart: Once.

81. Been arrested: Nope.

82. Cried when someone died: Yep.

83. fallen for a friend: Multiple times.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Most of the time, yeah.

85. Miracles: Sometimes.

86. Love at first sight: Love, no. Lust, yes.

87. Santa Claus: Nope.

OTHER:

90. current best friend name: Lillie, Dev, and Rachel.

91. Eye color: Blue-green.

92. favorite movie: Rebel Without a Cause, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Sandlot

[chelsorz07]

21 year old me was a little bitch

So is 28 year old me. Got another one for y’all. 2010/2017.

Are you cheating on someone right now? no. never have, never will. Still haven’t, still wouldn’t.

Day been rough? nope. it's been a good weekend. i'm just tired. Yeah actually, I spent most of it in bed sick.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? the bed in my hotel room. The cats’ bed. Yes, they have their own full size bed. And yes, I sleep there with them sometimes.

Would you kill a hobo for 100,000,000 dollars? if i could avoid the repercussions of homicide, sure. I would kill anyone for a hundred million dollars.

What makes you laugh no matter what? "wang whiplash" lol Memes. 

Have you done bad things with your parents near by? sure. Yeah but in hindsight not that bad. Just like, smoking cigarettes on the roof.

Do you think your future will be a good one? we'll see. Some days I have hope, some days I’m not sure I’ll see tomorrow.

If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you? no. things may be starting to look up. Not leave but if I could bring my life back home to PA with me that’d be optimal.

Will your next kiss be a mistake? hopefully not. No.

What were you doing 12 AM last night? hanging in the hotel with my mom. watching a halloween special on HGTV. Watching TWD.

What does your ex mean to you? everything. He’s still my best friend, even after all the shit we’ve been through.

Honestly, who are you texting? no one. i'm gonna go to sleep after i'm done here. Everybody’s sleeping.

How late did you stay up last night and why? 2ish. that's early for me. i had a couple glasses of wine and actually slept more than an hour for once. 9am.

What if your boyfriend or girlfriend went through your phone? i don't have a boyfriend. Husband now. And I don’t care. Although I doubt he’d feel the same if the situation were reversed.

Are you angry with someone right now? no one in particular. Not really I just still feel crappy.

Do you have sex everyday? i wish. Funny. I’ve had sex four times all year. Once in January, once in February, and twice two weeks ago.

Do you do drugs everyday? nope. No days. Unless a steady stream of Aleve, ibuprofen, heartburn medicine, and Sudafed counts.

Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours? probably maranda. I have not.

Is it awkward when you run into your ex? no. we still hang out. We try to hang out every time I’m home. If not, I’ll at least visit him at work.

Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? sometimes. Fuck no she’s my ride or die.

If you are up after 3 am, what are you most likely doing? trying to sleep. this happens every night. Sudoku, Netflix, and Youtube.

Does anyone call you baby? yeah but i wish he wouldn't. i'm not his girlfriend. and i'm sure as hell not his baby. Um no. We’re not a “pet name” couple. I call him Dick and he calls me “hey”.

Your latest ex calls you and asks you back out, you say? i thought you'd never ask. Sorry, taken.

Do you think you'll be single for the rest of the year? probably. I haven’t been single in a very long time.

Be honest, do you have feelings towards anyone? yep. You betcha.

Is there a girl you can tell anything to? michele and erica. Amanda. And more recently, Faith.

Has anyone ever drunk/high called/texted you? sure. it goes both ways. Many times.

Is there a guy that knows everything about you? yes. Two or three. Dave, Mike, my dad. Maybe Mark (my brother-in-law).

Have you ever liked someone just because they were good looking? well yeah. who hasn't? but if there's nothing deeper, it doesn't work out. I can appreciate some human beauty.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for over 6 months? i have. Over 8 years. Despite the fact that we weren’t technically together the first time I took this quiz, we decided that those 18 months didn’t count because we still spent every day together anyway and knew we’d end up here.

Have you ever lost someone you wish you didn't? understatement. Yeah but I got them back.

You love someone? indeed. I love a lot of someones.

You've had sex with over 12 people, haven't you? nope. two. and one of them, i shouldn't have. That number is the same. But the second one - a subpar one night stand in a Dodge Ram? Bleh. We don’t think about it.

Was 2009 a good year? best year of my life. It was quite good.

Do you think 2010 will top 2009? worst year of my life. 2010 sucked. 2017 has been a roller coaster.

Will you be dating someone in six months? i don't have a crystal ball. Married.

Who is the last person you physically hit? my mom, but jokingly. I don’t hit people.

Do you plan on getting married someday? i would if it were to the right person. I am.

Which is harder: walking away from somebody you love or coming back to someone who hurt you? walking away. hands down. Walking away. Never could.

Did you sleep alone last night? well my mom was in the room too. Yeah Dave won’t be home for a couple more days.

Do you believe teenagers can be in love and stay in love? in VERY rare cases. I mean I was 19 when I fell in love and still am.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? of course. Yeah but I don’t anymore. Not really that into cookies. 

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? several times. I didn’t even go to sleep until late morning. And yes, I woke up a lot. I do that.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn't make you laugh? not a chance. Hell no. I need the lulz to survive.

What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now? having to be patient even though i know things will work out eventually. My physical ailments and my location. And the fact that my tv is a piece of shit so I have to keep turning it off and on just to get sound.

Are you a patient person? no. but i have to be. obviously. Not even a little.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? i don't think it would have made a difference, to be honest. I wouldn’t have let things get so bad with my family. And Dave and I would’ve gotten married at the courthouse instead of having a big wedding because it was a disaster.

What are you looking forward to in the next 7 days? friday. Dave coming back, getting Primanti’s, and going home this weekend.

Is it easy for you to talk to people of the opposite sex? yeah, now it is. It’s not really easy for me to talk to any people, unless they’re an important part of my life.

Did the last person you kissed name start with a B? no. Negative. 

Do you stay up later than ten o'clock on a week night? i haven't been to sleep that early in like ten years. I don’t go to bed at night anymore. Like ever.

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches? no. I’m 5′6″.

Are you one of those people who just don't care? ohhh...i try to claim that i don't. but it's not true. Hahaha alright that’s still the case.

When was the last time you laughed hard and why? wang whiplash. Memes.

Are you generally a happy person? not lately. No I’m a miserable cunt.

Whats on your shirt? hey monday. The Horde crest from WoW.

Where will you be in an hour? here. sleeping. Probably right in this very chair.

Who was the first person you talked to today? mom. I haven’t talked to anyone today.

How do you feel right now? tired. In pain. 

Had sex at school? nope. I didn’t even have sex for the first time until long after I graduated.

Who was the last girl you talked to? mom. Amanda.

When’s the last time you talked to your sister? like 20 minutes. Allie, probably a couple weeks ago. Mandi, couldn’t tell ya. Even when we’re in the same room we don’t speak.

Do you regret something you did today? no. I regret doing nothing today. But I couldn’t really move.

Do you miss someone? yes. I miss everyone. Dave when he’s gone, my family, my friends, my home. I just want to go back.

Will this Sunday be a good one? if i can take a nap, yeah. I’ll be in Bradford so yes.

Are you keeping a big secret right now? i don't have any secrets. Still an open book.

The past 72 hours have you been under the influence? yes. Nope. Don’t drink anymore.

What was the last thing you drank? dew. Water.

Have you ever had a panic attack? many. More than I can count. But I haven’t had one in a while.

Have your parents ever smoked pot? my dad did once. my mom never did. Same.

Want someone back in your life? like you would not believe. The people I want in my life are in it, they’re just too far away.

What's your favorite color? green. Green, black, grey, plaid.

Do you listen to music every day? i have to. it keeps me sane. Usually but I haven’t today. Didn’t have the energy to play anything.

Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately? sad, mostly. angry if i think too hard. happy? well, we'll see. All of the above, and then some.

Are you an emotional person? very. Yessir.

Has anybody ever given you butterflies? he still does. every day. i don't even have to see him. Yes.

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying? yeahh.. Often.

When is the next time you will see the person you last kissed? probably never. i'm fine with that. Possibly Wednesday night, definitely sometime Thursday.

Have any memories that you'd like to forget? no. Oh yeah.

[kakooshi]

Know me even MORE

I was tagged by @theredstarassassin (Sorry this took ages, sweetie! *cries* My school work has just been piling up for the past two weeks and I didn’t want to do this on mobile so….here goes!)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (Oh boy, this is gonna be a long one…)

Note: To the people that I have tagged, don’t feel obligated to do this! It’s rather long lol…

Drink: Water Phone Call: My Mom  Text message: My Mom again lulz Song you listened to: There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes Time you cried: Eh…I can’t remember. 

HAVE YOU…

Dated someone twice: I’ve never dated Kissed someone and regretted it: I once kissed a lady’s hand when I was little because I thought it was a polite thing to do. I ended up embarrassing myself instead and I kinda regret it up to this day. Been cheated on: Like I said, I’ve never dated, so I’ve never experienced that. Lost someone special: My dear uncle :’( Been depressed: A little bit Gotten drunk and thrown up: Gotten tipsy but never went beyond that so no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: Blue, Red, Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

Made new friends: Yes Fallen out of love: with Rick Riordan’s books Laughed until you cried: Nah. That would be so weird imo Found out someone was talking about you: Lmao I wish Met someone who changed you: Do my online friends count? Found out who your friends are: Yeah..well some of them. Kissed someone from your Facebook list: Yeah. But only on the cheek, okay?

GENERAL

How many Facebook friends do you know irl: Most of my Facebook friends are actually from my school so I’d say 40+ Do you have any pets: A golden retriever, a Japanese spitz, a pug, and a half-papillon, half-rascal Do you want to change your name: Nah. But the name “Kiara” sounds pretty nice. What did you do for your last Birthday: Had a pizza party with the family What time did you wake up: 5:20 am What were you doing at midnight last night: Chatting on Discord with my homies Name something you can'wait for: Snk Season 3 (especially the Uprising arc)  When was the last time you saw your mom: She’s actually on the couch at the moment hahaha What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: The times when I fucked up, of course. What are you listening to right now: A soap opera ugh  Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No Something that is getting on your nerves: Notifications from Google Classroom Most visited website: Tumblr, Youtube, and AO3

RANDOM INFO

Mole/s: There’s one on my left cheek Mark/s: Let’s see…I got this scar on my forearm back from when I punched a glass casing…and some burn marks from cooking and getting too close to exhaust pipes…yeah…. Childhood dream: To get in the voice acting industry (even tho my voice is so derp) Hair color: Dark Brown Long or short hair: Long (Below shoulder length but above the small of my back) Do you have a crush on someone: Tom Holland What do you like about yourself: My oratory skills…sort of… Piercings: Just on my ear lobes Blood type: O Nickname: Gaby Relationship status: Single and definitely not ready to mingle Zodiac: Aquarius Pronouns: She/Her Favorite TV Show: How I Met Your Mother Tattoos: They’re either fake or painted Right or left hand: Right Surgery: Fortunately no Hair dyed in different color: My hair is untainted

Sport: Tennis, Swimming, Kayaking, Ping-pong, Shotokan Karate (I’m inactive af in everything except the last one) Vacation: US, Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong Pair of trainers: Is this about shoes? If so, then I guess 3.

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: I’ve said kisses before but now I think hugs are better because they feel more wholesome somehow Lips or eyes: Eyes Shorter or taller: Taller Older or younger: Depends on the attitude, really. Nice arms or nice stomach: WHY CANT IT BE BOTH Sensitive or loud: Both lol Hook up or relationship: Relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: A mix in-between

HAVE YOU EVER…

Kissed a Stranger: Hell no Drank hard liquor: I was almost tempted to drink absinthe one time…I’m glad I didn’t. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Do shades count? Turned someone down: Yes. Indirectly. Sex on the first date: Still a virgin. For the third time, I’ve never dated. Broken someone’s heart: My Mom at some point :’( Had your heart broken: Yes. By some friends over the years. Been arrested: Almost Cried when someone died: Yes Fallen for a friend: Yes, but I got over it quickly

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Yourself: Maybe Miracles: Yes Love at first sight: FRIENDSHIP FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING Santa Claus: YEAH! (I’m such a child….) Kiss on the first date: As long as it’s a chaste one on the cheek, I’m good. 

OTHER

Current best friend name: Don’t have a best friend Eye color: Dark brown Favorite movie: The Proposal

Tagging: @kageyama-tobiyo @ereri-is-my-aesthetic @bluelemonadejuice @yourneverutterlyalone @mastia @apetitan @azxrae @armoredtiitan @theblueeyed @thatmikasa @luciemiddleford @minorin06 @swaggitarius-potato @isatastrophe @sanspert @comewhatmay-dontgiveafuck @rozarrianne @hazelhime @let-steph-sleep @levi-nyanchou

[hobimillion]

Get to know meee tag

I was tagged by @kenzo-shirai and high key love this shit so sorry oops how do I make a cut on this ok ty google

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 10 people. 

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Water

2. Phone call: Umm dis boi

3. Text message: my good friend from back home!

4. Song you listened to: Love Galore by Sza

5. Time you cried: THIS MORNING watching the finale of the Great British Baking Show haha

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: No

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes

8. Been cheated on: Nope

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: Not sure but I think so

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Haha yeah

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Ugh I seriously don’t know, like all colors are pretty in SOME context so I just??? Black, white, blue???

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: No

17. Laughed until you cried: Yesss

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Haha idk I don’t think so?

19. Met someone who changed you: Yes, luckily in good ways

20. Found out who your friends are: Nah I think I already knew.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Haha yes OH WAOOOOW

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them

23. Do you have any pets: My plants

24. Do you want to change your name: Only my last name because it’s long and people trip over it like untied shoelaces

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Rode my favorite route up to the east bay hills with my friends, and gathered people at my favorite bar!

26. What time did you wake up: 8 AM, pretty late for me lol

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching the Great British Baking Show, and/or cleaning my bathroom

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Umm for my hair to be long enough that I don’t need bobby pins to keep it all in place anymore.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: April

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish my feet were a size 6 so manufacturers would always make my size (currently size 5).

31. What are you listening right now: A Sza playlist on spotify

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah lmao

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my period

34. Most visited Website: tumblr lulz

LOST QUESTIONS.

35. Mole/s: Umm I have some freckles but I don’t think any moles? What’s the difference anyway?

36. Mark/s: Yeah?

37. Childhood dream: Veterinarian

38. Hair Colour: Lightish brown

39. Long or short hair: Shoulder length

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Haha yeah dat boi

41. What do you like about yourself: I never doubt my physical abilities

42. Piercings: 3 on my ears and I want a couple more there.

43. Blood type: Idk

44. Nickname: Kat, Katty are the most common ones

45. Relationship status: I’m dating someone but we haven’t actually talked about it lol

46. Zodiac: Aquarius

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: Parks and Rec, Terrace House

49. Tattoos: No, I’m too indecisive

50. Right or left hand: Left handed

51. Surgery: Twice – when I broke my wrist, and when I got my wisdom teeth out

52. Hair dyed in different color: Never

53. Sport: For doing, biking or climbing. Watching gym is obvi my fave

55. Vacation: My fave vacation I’ve ever taken is to the American southwest with my fam – we visited a ton of national parks and it was super beautiful. Where I’d like to go, right now Japan, Hawaii, and Italy all sound cool.

56. Pair of trainers: Hahah idk I have at least three general sneakers, and then I have a bunch of more specialized athletic shoes on top of that 

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating Currently: No.

58. Drinking currently: Waterrrrr

59. I’m about to: take a shower, face mask, watch some gym

61. Waiting for: Burning man and Montreal

62. Want: I want to be able to teleport. Always. This is a constant wish for me.

63. Get married: maybe

64. Career: Physical therapist

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes

67. Shorter or taller: Taller

68. Older or younger: Like in a partner or in me???? In a partner I think older, and for me… I think I’ll peak in my 30s so idk I still have some time to go

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: it’s hard to have nice arms without having a nice stomach too ;)

71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: yes

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: ugh yes

77. Turned someone down: yes

78. Sex in the first date: yes

79. Broken someone’s heart: maybe

80. Had your heart broken: no

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: I think so

85. Miracles: from a divine force, not really... but magical chance from the universe, yes

86. Love at first sight: no

87. Santa Claus: lol what no

88. Kiss in the first date: yes

89. Angels: no

OTHER:

90. Current best friends’ names: @bbkato and a few others off the tumbz

91. Eyecolor: Bluish greenish

92. Favorite movie: idk the A&E Pride and Prejudice probably

Idk do if it you want but I love annoying and peer pressuring @bbkato so hey bb wyd