#and am so very very grateful to have the circumstances that i do that actually saved me from a much worse place

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I did something completely out of my comfort zone and I lived!

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 7)

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Author's note: I already had this chapter prepared that's why I'm posting it. The next ones are gonna be the much longer, so probably will take a little more to be posted! I hope you enjoy it and once again thank you for you support on Second Best 💜

“Y/n? Wooow. I didn’t expect to see you here. Are you okay? Saw you a little nervous back there, came to ask if you needed anything. Didn't know it was actually you” it took her a while to be able to speak again but managed to say something.

“No, I’m good. I mean I was with my friend but lost sight of her and now I can’t find her and I'm losing my mind because I don’t know where I am or how I’ll get back to the chalet we’re in and ----” she rambled, making Tae be even more confused.  

“Hey, calm down. Sewoon really doesn’t change. I’m sure she didn’t see you weren’t following her tracks. Do you wanna drink something and catch up? I heard hot chocolate here is fantastic.” 

“Hmmm... I- I'm not here with Sewoon.. It’s Lisa, do you remember her? I saw her one night I went out with Sewoon and Jun--” y/n stops and tries to rephrase her words hoping Taehyung didn’t catch it. “Anyways, yeah, I’m here with Lisa. Girls trip actually, first day and I'm already lost." she laughs about her luck (or lack thereof). 

“It wouldn't be you if you didn't have anything contradictory to say about your adventures to be very honest. So what do you say? You, me and hot chocolate? Maybe you’ll see Lisa around there. If not I’ll help you look for her I promise.” Taehyung says with his charming smile. You remember Sewoon’s constant bragging about his smile, it was always her favourite trait of his. That and how good he treated her. She got really devastated when they broke things off. You felt really bad and tried to help her the best way you could, but she never gave you any information about their break up. You always suspected it, but never pushed it. “Let’s go then. You pay anyway so I’m not backing up.” Y/n says with a genuine smile. Tae was right, she could find Lisa on the way there and besides that she knew him for years now and he was someone she could trust.  

She really didn't want to be alone anyway, maybe it would be good. Y/n remembers that the only person she kept in touch with was Sewoon and she never realized why she didn't continue to get in touch with her old friends.  Was she so focused on her friendship with Sewoon, being grateful for everything they've been through together that she forgot to appreciate the little things and people in her life?

Y/n didn't understand why she was thinking about all of this right now, she was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't realize they were arriving at the cafe close to where they were before. He opened the door for her and she thanked him silently, nodding her head and walking in ahead of him, sitting at the nearest table. It was strange, but all that silence between her and Tae wasn't uncomfortable at all. Y/n remembers that before he and Sewoon started dating, they were very close, maybe that was why she was so relaxed, despite the circumstances. The waitress came to get their order and while they were waiting Tae started talking  

“This place is fantastic, isn't it? I've been here a few times and I never get tired of this view.” he said looking outside. “The first time I came was when I broke up with Sewoon, you know? Speakig of I saw her a few months ago when I returned to visit my parents, I ran into her in a restaurant, we exchanged a few words but nothing more. Are you still friends? I never heard anything from you again. What have you been up to?” They were interrupted by the waitress delivering their orders, thanked her and both tried the region's famous hot chocolate. It really was wonderful 

“Yes, I'm still friends with her. I- my god Tae, how long has it been since we last saw each other? she laughed. “So much happened between the lines after we all separated. I mean, I'm still in the same place. I rented an apartment for myself, work in a coffee shop relatively close to home too, you know how it is, I've always been very reserved, my life remains the same. I haven't changed much since we were younger" She said smiling

“You never change Y/n. That was always what caught my attention the most, always so dedicated and focused on your goals, always so... You. I'm glad to see you're still like this. And boys? Do you have someone special in your life?” At this Y/n chokes on her hot chocolate. She wasn’t expecting this question, at all. She cleared her throat. “Yes. I mean no. There's not much to say about it. You know me, I'm weird when it comes to guys Tae." She laughs, trying to lighten the mood and make the subject disappear. Why was she always so nervous about this kind of topic? Deep down she knew why but didn't want to think about it just as she didn't want anyone to know that at 23 years old she never had a real boyfriend or experienced anything related to guys besides kissing. A shame, she knows. 

“Weird why? Have you ever taken a good look at yourself? Y/n you were always beautiful and time only continued to be generous with you. It wasn't for nothing that I had a massive crush on you when in highschool. I still feel hurt that you didn't give me a chance”. Tae laughs like it was the most natural thing in the world while Y/n looked at him with a confused expression. Crush? Chance? What the hell did was he talking about? Taehyung must have noticed because seconds later he stopped laughing and looked at her seriously. “It looks like you've seen a ghost Y/n. Is everything okay? I'm just kidding, I know how to handle rejection, don't worry, I was never upset. Life went on” 

“It's not that, it's just... What rejection? I never rejected you Tae. I didn't even know you had a crush on me, you caught me off guard."

“What do you mean? That was the reason why I approached you at school in the first place. Don't act like you don't know, you even responded to the letter I sent you.” Damn he was really offended by your lack of memory.  

Y/n looked at him sternly. "Tae I'm telling you I didn't know anything about this, I didn't respond to any letter, I don't know what you're talking about. Stop making fun of me” Now she was getting mad. Why would she lie about this. Tae's face fell and if before his skin was glowing by the European sun now he could be confused with the wall of the cafe they were at. He was white as snow. Literally 

“Sophmore. It was the year I started hanging out with you more, I got closer little by little until the three of us spent a lot of time together. At that time I had a huge crush on you. Sewoon knew, I asked her to help me. I was always asking her things about you, what you liked, what your favorite color was, that sort of thing that kids do when they want to win someone over, but you never paid attention to me so I decided to write you a letter that, by the way, was the most beautiful thing I ever wrote. Sewoon said she would make sure the letter reached you. A few days later I received a letter saying that you were sorry but didn't feel the same way about me and that we could be friends but nothing more and you didn't want to make things awkward between us, so I dropped the subject. At the time I was really sad but I understood your reasons. Sewoon was fantastic duringt my heartbreak. She supported me a lot and as time passed, she ended up telling me she had feelings for me and one thing led to another and we ended up dating, as you know. The rest is history” 

Y/n was completely in shock, she had no words, no reaction, nothing. Her brain was working too fast and she couldn't keep up. When she was finally going to say something, someone called her name. "Y/n. Ohh Y/n. I've been looking for you like a fool, I never saw you again, I thought you were stuck in an alley and I wouldn't find you in all this snow. God I’m so thankful I found you but also wanna kill you for disappearing like this." 

“"I... first of all it wasn't me who ran off, it was you! When I looked to the side you were no longer there and I started to panic. Luckily I found an old friend around here too, you remember Tae right?” Lisa looked at where he was sitting 

“Tae? Sewoon's Tae? is it really you? Damn, you look different. Finally managed to grow a beard I see and you also got buff. Your old self must be very proud right now” Lisa teases. How does she manage to have these comments at the most inopportune moments? 

“Thank you for taking care of y/n in my absence. We just got here and she’s already making trouble, bad habits never die" she says winking at him and teasing Y/n while she sighs, rolling her eyes 

“The pleasure was mine. I'm very happy to see you, despite the situation." His gaze passes from one to the other "how long are you going to stay here?" Y/n responds an "I don't know" while Lisa says "a whole week". They look at each other and Lisa makes a face "don't tell me you're already changing your mind! Y/n you promised me." She didn't say anything, instead she picked up the hot chocolate and drank it all. Everywhere she went it seemed like trouble was always behind her. She wanted to shout, grabLisa and leave but she knew Tae wasn't guilty of anything and she felt ashamed of doing it, as if she was capable anyway. She knew Tae felt the discomfort in the air because he got up, left two bills on the table, straightened up and spoke 

"I'm glad you've already found each other. I have to get going, but I'll see you around. Lisa, order something for yourself, this is on me. Enjoy the rest of your day and please stay out of trouble” He said laughing while putting on his coat. He started heading towards the exit but looked back one last time, put his hands in his pockets and left. Only then did Y/n manage to let go of all the air she had been holding in.

“Did I interrumpt something here? I’m sorry I didn’t even ask, but I was so worried about you. Y/n?- Y/n?” Lisa started to get worried. After Tae left she got so pale and apathic. Y/n puts her elbows on the table and her hands on her head and begged "I need to get some air. I can't breathe. Please Lisa, no more questions, let’s get out of here. Please.” Lisa didn't say anything else, picked her up and helped her go outside where they stayed for a while until Y/n started to feel a bit better. Lisa didn’t say anything else and just waited for her friend to say something. 

“Sorry Lisa, I don't know what happened. I'm just... This was supposed to be an amazing time for us and I’m just ruining it, I’m so sorry" She hugged Lisa and started crying. She had so much accumulated from the last few days and now this bombshell dropped on her. She didn't understand. She always saw Tae and Sewoon together back in school. This didn't add up. 

“What happened back there Y/n?”  

“We were just talking about how we were doing right now, then he asked me if I had anyone in my life and I got nervous. Then he revealed to me that he had a huge crush on me at highschool and I was super quiet, I wasn't expecting it. He said that Sewoon helped him and everything, that he wrote me a letter to which I responded. Lisa I swear I never knew about anything. Tae's feelings, the letter, nothing, the only thing I know is that since Tae approached us, Sewoon has always been interested in him and that things were going well between them.” 

"Y/n there is something you have to understand. Just because you think Sewoon is a good person, doesn't mean it corresponds to reality. Why do you think I never joined you when she was present? Honestly, I never understood what good you saw in her. Deep down she was always like that, bad and conceited. I think you were always too good to realize that she was always jealous of you. I really thought there would be a time where you would open your eyes but not even with the situation that happened with Jungkook did you stay away from her. She was mean! She knows it, you know it and everyone knows it! It wasn't cool, period! You need to open your eyes” 

“But why Lisa, why?! I never did anything to upset her, I was always in my corner. You all know that I've always been very shy and reserved, I never cared about that kind of things. There is no comparison between me and her, I don't understand why she acts like that. I never gave her reasons” Y/n was extremely affected by today’s events. 

“Exactly Y/n, you have no comparison and she knows it! You are calm, focused, respectful, you help everyone around you without looking back, you don't go hurt anyone to get what you want. And she is the opposite of you, she knows that. You attract attention with your simplicity. She's eccentric and lucky to be pretty, but it's all superficial. Why do you think nothing lasts for her? Think Y/n, be smart!” 

Y/n didn't say anything else and started walking to the chalet. Although she didn't want to admit it Lisa was right. No good friend would do what Sewoon has done to her. She knew Y/n had feelings for Jungkook and at still went for him, she didn't think twice. Y/n would never do that to her. Her parents were not that present in her life but the values they instilled in her were always the best, perhaps it was time to put them into practice.

As soon as they arrived Lisa started to prepare something for them to eat and Y/n went to take a shower. It was exactly what she needed, a long, hot bath to relax her body and her mind. But instead she started thinking about Jungkook and how much she missed him, his smell, his hugs, the way he makes her feel alive. She never turned on her phone again, she should at least tell him she was fine.  

They've never gone this long without talking. Everything was eating her up. She was being unfair to Jungkook, he wasn't to blame for what she was feeling. He didn't know anything, because she never told him, nor hinted. Sewoon knew, as she knew that Tae liked her and was never honest about it. Things were slowly coming together in her brain, but will things get fixed when she returns home? 

She gets out of the shower, takes her bathrobe and wraps herself in it, does her skin care and leaves the bathroom heading to the living room to find Lisa sitting by the table with everything ready and several bottles of wine.   

“ I'm sorry for everything. I have been such a terrible friend and have neither helped to lighten the mood nor making this a fun time for us.” Lisa doesn't say anything, just motions for Y/n to sit next to her, pouring her a glass of wine. She sits down next to her and drinks a little.  

“I know how you feel Y/n. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I've been in your shoes before, where Sewoon played her part. It's not something I like or want to talk about, but maybe it explains why I withdrawn myself. I can’t take her seriously and just to see she keeps doing it makes me want to punch her in the face. I’m here for you but you need to change something about how you view things and face it when you know they’re wrong. I did. Let's just enjoy another day or two here. Whatever you decide next you tell me. We will have lots of opportunities to come back here and honestly I prefer that you resolve everything that bothers you first so that you can enjoy things as you deserve. And now let's stop talking about sad things for a while, let's eat, drink and listen to music. I won’t say for us to break something because then my father will annoy my ass. There was one time someone called my dad and told him I was making too much noise everyday, he appeared here and caught me and the boy I was having a fling with at the time in the middle of sex, you can imagine how that went.” 

Y/n laughed out loud. "and you say I’m the one who always has the most embarassing moments. I can imagine your dad’s face, dude how gross.” Y/n said making a disgusted face 

“Hands down to that. It was the worst experience of my life, for real. This happened when I was 21 tho, was he expecting me to be a nun?” Lisa laughs and takes a sip of wine. Y/n stays quiet for a moment, but then blurts out  

“I never had sex” Lisa looked at her and smiled “So? Everyone has their own time Y/n. If you feel good about your decision that’s all that matters” 

“Sewoon would always mock me about it. She said I wasn’t normal for waiting so long to have intercourse. She would tell me all about her adventures with guys, she even tried to tell me about her and Jungkook. She would make me feel really bad, there was one time when she came to my house, drunk as hell and told me about an adventure she had with Tae in the bathroom of a club and then she turned to me and said I was a freak for not wanting to sleep with anyone and that it wasn't normal at my age to not be curious about it. I was so upset with her that the next day I ignored her completely, but it didn’t last long” 

“You’re really dumb when you want to, y’know? If it was me I would have kicked her ass and show her a real deal” Y/n nods with Lisa's statement “I know Lisa, I know. I was dumb, I see that now. The thing is Sewoon was my comfort zone. I grew up with her my whole life, although there were some times her attitude would upset me a little, but she was the only there for me, maybe that's why I always ignored the bad things she would do, now looking back I know that her intentions were not the greatest.

“Total bitchy. So you never had a boyfriend? You never did anything? 0?” Y/n looked at her mad “No I’m sorry I was just-- That's not what you're thinking, calm down. I was just trying to understand what level we are at. I'm not judging Y/n, as I said, we have to respect others choices, but why? I mean you're amazing, I'm sure there was someone who has shown interest and made a move” 

“I did have a boyfriend but nothing special, we were very young and immature. I wasn’t ready for that and I’m sure he wasn’t either. So maybe that doesn’t count? My shyness always stopped me from doing a lot of things and with Sewoon by my side I saw everyone paying attention to her and I was always left behind, it kinda made me think I wasn't good enough for anyone to pay attention to, so I ended up taking refuge in my studies. Even when there was someone showing interest in me I thought they were taking advantage of my naivety. I never had anything to offer, why would they pay attention to me when they had her. All of this changed when I met Jungkook, he made me feel seen. For the first time I felt like I could be myself without being afraid of being judged.  

“Do you miss him?”  

“I do. I miss him so much and he is not to blame for what is happening. He doesn't know my feelings. I've been to blame for something he has no idea about. I've been trying not to pick up the cell phone and talk to him, apologize for my actions and explain him everything but if I do I'm afraid of ruining our friendship, though it's already damaged after that night at the club.” talking about Jungkook made her heart hurt as she felt tears prick her eyes. She was so in love with him, only if she had built the courage to speak up.

Lisa gets up and goes to the small closet with a drawer near her, grabbing a cell phone and giving it to y/n. "Call him or text him, whatever eases your anxiety a little, or don't do anything at all but don't stop enjoying the moment you're in now just because you can't let go of the past. Go get some rest I'll clean today, make sure to sleep well tonight because tomorrow we’re gonna have fun and the past will be just that. Goodnight babe. If you need anything I’m just a knock away” 

Y/n cleans her tears, grabs her phone and hugs Lisa, appreaciating everything she has done for her. She doesn't know if it's the wine taking effect or the anxiety growing inside her but a huge urge to vomit appears as soon as she turns on her cell phone. Sitting on the edge of the bed she starts seeing the notifications pop up. Unanswered texts and calls from Jungkook, begging her to say if she's okay, questioning why she left and didn't tell him anything. She knows he’s hurt. She hurt him.  

A wave of courage washes over her and she writes a text, but suddenly runs to the bathroom and vomits her soul out, ending up staying there for a while and when she returns the courage fades away, as she starts to thinks if it's a nice idea to talk to him. She comes to the conclusion that things are better to stay as they are. When she has the opportunity to talk to him, it's either the end or start of a cycle. After a few minutes she deletes the text she wrote and turns off her cell phone again, putting it on the bedside table.

She wasn't ready for it, not just yet 

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Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @jk97bam @11thenightwemet11 @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv @imagine-this-motherfucker @jk-190811

[micahwrites16]

My Love, My Home - Anakin Skywalker

Note: While writing this I imagined y/n as Padme in AotC, but not actually Padme? Like she’s Senator and she’s with Anakin on Naboo, him protecting y/n, but you can picture her however you want. I don’t specifically explain the circumstances of why they’re together, but it’s along the lines of the scene where Anakin confesses, except I write it… a bit differently. Hopefully you understand, lol. It’ll make sense the further you read. Enjoy!

( Also, please bear with me, I’ve never written anything close to this before. Don’t be shy to comment and let me know what you think of it! I’m always open to suggestions. <3 )

TW: really sappy smut, first times!

5.6k words

I always imagined that love was something you earned; something you had to deserve.

Something that I would never be worthy of truly receiving.

And as I watch the Padawan sitting on the velvety, soft sheets of my bed, I feel as though I am shattering my own heart with every second I allow him in my gaze. It’s as if he is reaching his calloused, worn hands into my chest and brushing his fingertips against the rapid beating of it. One more millimeter and he could crush my life without a second thought. And even though he was the one who tore apart my skin, it was his hand preventing me from bleeding out. Sometimes I can’t help but feel grateful, which is a very clear sign that I lost my sanity long ago.

I am in front of him and I do not pull away. I don’t want to.

I have never felt fear quite like it.

Although Anakin’s hand is not quite in my chest, it might as well be. A measly twelve inches separates us, his eyes searching into me farther than I have managed to explore myself. His lips move as words leave them, but I don’t know what. I’m embarrassed to admit that the sight of someone’s lips can distract me so easily. I know those aren’t just anyone’s lips, however.

“Y/n?”

My eyes snap back up to his, his eyebrows scrunched softly in confusion as he waits for me to answer.

“Hm?”

“Force,” Anakin laughs and shakes his head, resting his elbows on his knees. The laugh isn’t of amusement, that I can tell. “You aren’t even listening to me.”

“What? Yes, I am. I just have a lot on my mind. Keep talking. I promise I’ll listen,” I reassure him. He laughs again, the sound not warming me like it usually would. His head falls into his hands, his teeth shining as he smiles. “Anakin,” I urge, “come on. I’m listening, I swear.”

“Are you?” He turns his head to look up at me, his smile gone and something swirling madly in his eyes.

“Yes.”

“Alright. Then, what did I say?”

I pause for a moment, searching my brain and hoping that I subconsciously picked up his words. It’s not that I was ignoring him on purpose, that’s never the case. I was just preoccupied with other strange things happening inside of me. “You know what, never mind. It was nothing, anyways.” Anakin stands up quickly from my bed and I rise with him. “It’s late and you should sleep. I’ll be in the bedroom across from you.”

“No,” I grab his arm softly through his Jedi robe as he moves to walk away. I’m not letting him run away this time. “Don’t do that, Ani. Just tell me what you were saying. I can tell it’s important.”

His eyes lock on where I am touching him, his lips parting slightly. He seems frozen, lost in something that I cannot grasp. Suddenly, Anakin’s eyebrows furrow again, ripping his arm away from my hand. His eyes meet mine again, fire and so many other emotions stirring in them. “No. You don’t do that, y/n.” Confusion washes over me, the slightest bit of hurt emanating from his face and bouncing off my heart. His voice quiets, a darkness along with a familiar softness coating his words. “I am in agony and you don’t even seem to realize.” Anakin steps closer to me, his neck craned so he can meet my eyes. He’s so close and I am frozen. I feel his breath against my lips, his gaze against mine.

“Ani..”

“Can you not see how I am feeling? How I am practically begging on my knees for you to even look at me?” His voice is so low and I think my brain is short-circuiting and force, all it would take is the slightest movement for his nose to brush against mine. “You are the one instance I allow myself to feel anything at all, y/n. I couldn’t stop myself if I tried. And every moment that I am not with you, the worse my agony gets. It’s as if I am being torn apart. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. Every beat of my heart is throbbing for you, and I feel helpless.” He sounds so wounded, so seeking. “What can I do? I will do anything you ask.”

I am not usually at a loss for words. The thoughts in my head are cloudy and I feel dazed, almost as if my brain is trying to protect me from hearing what he is saying. I would rather die than allow that. Before Anakin, I had never let myself get attached to anyone or anything. I have duties that force me to be strong, independent. But he has sucked me in, and if I were to rid myself of him, he would take a large part of my person with him.

He looks into me like he’s searching for something, anything, and the pounding in my chest is increasing with every second of it. How are we both so blind to each other? He says that I do not see his feelings for me, yet he doesn’t see what I feel for him, either.

“I will get on my knees and beg for you, for any part of you, if that’s what you would like. Any part of you that you allow me to have I will worship. I already do.”

I have never felt the need to touch him more than I do now. I want to give him everything he’s asking for and more. I want to give everything that I have, everything I am, to him. I’ve been wanting that for far too long.

But I can’t.

“Anakin, we can’t do this,” I say quietly. I want to, I scream internally. I want to so, badly. “I’m Senator and you’re about to be a Jedi. We would ruin everything.” Nothing in his expression changes and I feel as though I am not doing a great job of convincing him, or myself.

“So you do feel something.” The corner of his mouth twitches just the slightest bit and I immediately curse myself for giving him hope for something that I can’t give him. “I don’t care about any of that. We can keep it between us and now that I know you feel anything, even the slightest bit for me, I will not stop. I won’t be able to. I will die trying to earn anything you will give me.”

He hesitantly reaches his hand to cup my the side of my face, his thumb stroking softly over my cheek. Am I dying?

“Don’t hide from what you feel. Don’t hide from me, because I cannot take it. I do not deserve you, I know that. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to. Don’t allow stupid, worthless rules to get in between this. In between us.”

Any resolve that I had before has now been thrown out the window. His voice is so gentle and pleading and an exact mirror of something that has been lurking inside of me since the last time I can remember. His thumb that is caressing my face is bleeding into me, filling my blood with a mixture of overwhelming fire, softness, and need.

“Anakin..” I close my eyes, fighting off my desires the best that I can. If I give in, everything will be destroyed.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, y/n. I will not let myself be your ruination.”

I want to fall. I want to lose myself in his deep, promising, dark blue eyes and never resurface. The longer I feel his touch the more I know that I am gone and I am not coming back.

And as I come to the realization that I will never be safer than where I am right now, that I will never be with someone who makes my heart pound as much as Anakin does, I lean closer.

I’m so close to him that I can see every individual blonde eyelash, every slight and rapid movement of his eyes as they flicker from my eyes to my lips. The only thing I see is Anakin. The only thing I know is Anakin.

Everything around us is still, as though even time has paused for us. The only sound is our soft breathing hitting each other’s lips, the crickets halting their chirping and leaving us in a loud bubble of quiet. He brushes his nose against mine, my breath hitching in my throat and my chest rising and falling harder with every second. Every action from him is small and hesitant, testing how I react.

My hand reaches forward, resting on the plane of his chest. He responds by snaking his fingers into my hair, tilting my head just the slightest bit, and causing my lips to brush against his just the smallest amount. A warm tingle flows through my body as I meet his eyes again. This time, there’s a question in them.

As an answer, I seal my lips against his.

I’m enveloped in a world of tenderness and warmth that I have never known before. As he just barely moves his lips against mine, I feel my heart shifting inside of me, flowing through the movements of my mouth. The first few moments are gentle, discovering. The next few are devouring.

He kisses me as if I was the last thread of life he was holding on to. As if I was the only light in a galaxy of darkness. In a planet of complete, utter beauty and peace, I have never felt so overpowered and overwhelmed. His lips are soft, searching into the deepest part of my soul.

He was wrong. I am not tormenting him, he is tormenting me.

Anakin tilts my head further, his tongue tracing my bottom lip and begging for entrance. I greedily let him in, wanting him to know places of myself that no one else has ever discovered. He sweeps in, tasting, caressing, and destroying me from the inside out. I trail my hand from his chest into his hair, my tongue now tangling with his, begging for as much of him as he now has of me.

A low groan rumbles through his throat, and I feel a fire inside of me that I have never known so intense than at this moment. His other hand grabs my hip, both of us stumbling back so he’s against the wall.

Anakin, Anakin, Anakin.

Anakin is now all that I know, and now that I have him, I don’t think I will ever be able to let go.

He kisses my lips until they’re swollen and pink. Until the room is no longer filled with silence, but the sound of his soft rasps and my small whimpers that I cannot stop from leaving.

Anakin’s hands are everywhere. My waist, the curve of my hips, my thighs, my hair, the sides of my face. It’s like he’s taking every bit of me insatiably, almost like he’s afraid I won’t let him do this again. This is all I’ve ever craved, Ani. This is everything I will ever need.

He groans again as I nip at his bottom lip, the sound stirring something deep inside of me. A fire is burning, and I don’t think it will ever be stopped. His lips move from mine to my jaw and down to my neck, sucking and tasting and torturing. I press my chest against him, needing to feel more. Needing more.

“Ani,” I moan, his mouth latching onto my collarbone. He lifts his head, his lips just as puffy as mine. He’s so, so, heartbreakingly beautiful.

“Tell me what you need, y/n. I will give you anything you’ve ever wanted. Anything at all.” His breathing is heavy, his chest rising and falling harshly. “You have every,” he kisses under my ear, “single,” he kisses my throat, “inch of me. I am forever yours.”

His pretty words fuel me like nothing else. I’m sinking, falling into an endless abyss of emotion and ruin, of beginning and end and nothing at all, but everything at the same time.

“Everything. All of you,” I beg, and I can’t seem to care that I do. For no man, for no person, I beg. But Anakin Skywalker makes me want and crave things stronger than I ever have before.

My tone isn’t lost on him, his head dropping to rest on my shoulder. “You can’t say things like that, y/n. You destroy me.”

“I mean it. Don’t reject me now, Anakin.” My voice drops to a whisper, vulnerability hitting me harder than I would like to admit, “Please.” I am yearning for a touch that can only be fulfilled by him, and by the madness spiraling in his eyes, I can tell he feels the same way. I brush my lips against his, communicating something that I can’t say with words.

His head rises from my shoulder, his eyes softer than I have ever seen them before. They’re bright and shining with a million unspoken promises that I could adventure in forever. Comparing them to the moons and the stars that surround us would be an understatement of the complete and torturous beauty that they hold, and the fact that they are focused on me makes my intestines swirl and my stomach warm.

“I will never hurt you,” Anakin breathes, his fingers tracing the edge of my jaw. “I adore you more than you could ever imagine.”

My breathing comes out shaky, my legs trembling softly. I have never wanted to hide as much as I do now, to shy away from the intrusion of Anakin searching into me so deeply. I am scared to my core.

But, I also don’t think my heart has ever been in safer hands before.

“I believe you,” I murmur against his lips. Something passes through his face, an emotion deeper than I can understand, yet.

“Will you let me take care of you, then?”

“Yes.”

Anakin immediately scoops me into his strong arms, holding me like I am glass in his hands. He kisses my forehead tenderly, walking over to my bed and dropping me on it softly. I watch intently as he steps back, me following his every move as he works to take off his belt. His eyes are burning into my skin, but I don’t care. I am mesmerized by every inch of that he uncovers. He has sucked me in and now I am forever locked in the depths of Anakin Skywalker’s heart.

He unravels the many layers of his Jedi Robe until the tanned, sculpted plane of his chest is revealed. I drink him in like I am dying of thirst. I can’t bring myself to be ashamed of my eagerness. How can someone be so perfect? I would be irritated if I weren’t absolutely overcome with adoration and desire for this boy.

He walks forward, climbing onto the bed and hovering over me. I absorb every detail of his bare skin, the small, old scars that litter his chest and abs, the newer ones that stand out more than the others. Every detail is beautiful.

“If you keep staring at me like that y/n, this will be over before it even starts.”

My eyes snap back up to his, my cheeks warming at his insinuation and the fact that I was so obvious. “I’m sorry,” I mutter. My stomach squirms uncomfortably, a mixture of scorching heat and fluttering butterflies making me blush further.

His lips curl into a familiar smile, full of soft amusement. “Don’t be nervous,” he says gently, reading my expression. “I’m just as anxious as you. More, even,” He connects our lips again, the heat inside of me flaring. “I’ll make you feel good, I promise,” he assures me and rests his hands on the side of my hips. “You are everything I have ever dreamed of.”

I bring his lips against mine again, this time more urgently. I need him so badly I feel like I am going to burst into a million pieces. His hands eagerly explore every curve of my body, his fingers fumbling with the zipper on the back of my black dress, revealing that he might truly be as nervous as I am. “Is this okay?” Anakin asks as he slowly unzips me.

“More than okay,” I murmur against his lips, greedily attaching my mouth back to his. I touch every bit of his naked skin, feeling every possible thing that I can. Anakin pulls away as he slips my dress down, his eyes devouring me as more skin is uncovered.

“Force, you are so beautiful. So unbelievably perfect.”

I shiver as he brushes his fingertips against my collarbone, down the valley in between my breasts, across the rest of my torso, and pausing on my thighs. His eyes lock onto my black lace panties, and the amount of heat in his expression makes me want to run away and climb on top of him at the same time. His pink lips are parted and there’s a small blush that lines his cheeks and neck, causing him to look more ethereal than he usually does.

Anakin leans his head down, gently sucking on the skin of my lower abdomen. I gasp softly, my fingers running through his short curls as he continues mapping my skin with his lips. He looks up at me as he slides his hand beneath my back, finding the clasp of my bra. I nod, him immediately unclasping it and slipping the straps off of my shoulders.

I see the exact moment his eyes turn from bright, shining blue into pools of darkness as he looks at my completely bare skin. He curses under his breath, the sound hitting me deep in my core. His lips quickly move from my abdomen to my breasts, locking onto the sensitive skin of my nipple. I feel as though I could burst right then and there.

“Akakin,” I whimper, the stimulation he’s giving me affecting me more than I thought was possible. He kisses and sucks and worships me with his mouth, every flick of his tongue and movement of his mouth sending me higher than I’ve ever been. An overwhelming wave of need washes over me and out of pure instinct my hips push upwards, causing me to grind my softness against his hardness. He groans abruptly and I decide then and there that I will be trying to earn that sound from him for the rest of my life.

He starts grinding his hips against mine as he torments my sensitive skin with his lips, noises leaving both of our mouths relentlessly.

More, more, more, I need more.

It’s almost as if he hears my thoughts, him pulling away just for a moment to fumble with his trousers. He doesn’t even bother unbuttoning them, instead ripping them open and causing a couple of the buttons to fly off. Neither of us cares. I pull his lips back to mine, helping him pull them down. He quickly throws them across the room, leaving both him in only his briefs and me in only my panties.

“Need you,” he rasps, “so badly it hurts.”

“Then take me, Anakin. I’m all yours.”

“Oh, fuck,” he whines as his hips buck against mine.

I’m on fire. I’m engulfed in flames, my body pulsing and thrumming with desire that has been boiling inside of me for far too long. I reach for his briefs, pulling them down quickly.

Oh, Force.

I must have said that out loud. A grin appears on his lips as he watches me stare at him, absolutely dumbfounded. He must have been sculpted by a god. Sparks of straight lava go off in my lower stomach,something inside of me tightening. Despite that, worry shoots through me.

I can’t handle that.

“You can take it. I know you can. I’ll be so gentle, I promise, y/n,” Anakin says softly. How can I possibly burn even hotter than before? “I’ll take such good care of you.”

Anakin’s POV:

I have never been in so much pain–so much pleasure–one time in my life. Desire is coursing through my blood, causing every inch of my body to ache. To ache for her.

As I hook my digits in her panties, I watch every shift in her expression. If there were even the slightest bit of doubt or regret, I would never forgive myself for making her feel that. As much as I have dreamt of this, fantasized about every small thing we could do, the last thing I would want to happen is for me to make her uncomfortable. I couldn’t stand myself if I did.

But as I look into her eyes, I don’t even see the slightest bit of hesitation. I see desire that is just as intense as mine, passion, and trust.

I pull her down her panties slowly, forgetting how to breathe. I’ve forgotten how to function.

So insanely perfect.

During the nights when want coursed through my mind, when I would think of her at the latest hours and in the naughtiest, sinful ways, I never could have imagined her so breathtaking. I was never even close.

I must be in heaven.

Hell, likely.

Her chest rises and falls quickly, the sight of her full breasts and peaked nipples sending me into complete overdrive. I trail my eyes lower, making sure to drink in every bit of skin. I spread her legs slowly, my gaze locking on to her bare core.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Hold it together.

I run my hands up her thighs, not looking away from the sight of her open wide for me. For me. I kiss the inside of her thigh, moving closer and closer to where I yearn to be.

“So pretty. So fucking pretty,” I murmur, kissing higher and higher.

“Anakin- Ani, please.” She hooks her fingers in my hair and I almost lose it. Her voice is so pleading, so soft, so full of heat. Please. She could ask me anything like that and I would do it. If she asked me to kill a whole army of men I would do it and I’d do it gladly. Fuck the Jedi code, she is what I obey now.

“Please what, y/n?” I ask lowly as she pulls me back up to her face, my body hovering directly over hers. My nose brushes against hers, our breaths mingling together. I can feel the heat radiating from her core against me and I genuinely have no idea how I haven’t completely lost it yet.

“You. I need you, now, Ani.” She grinds her hips up against mine, her drenched cunt brushing against my cock. I make a broken noise, my head falling against her shoulder. I’m gone. Absolutely gone.

“Anything. I’ll give you anything,” I pant. I force myself to look at her, softening my eyes. “You’re sure you want to do this? I wasn’t- this wasn’t what I was planning to happen. You don’t have to do this, y/n.”

I’ve never wanted anything more. Not only to have all of her but to give her all of me. I’ve been hers for a long time. I can wait longer for her to be mine if that’s what she needs. I’ll wait forever. From the moment I met y/n, I didn’t belong to myself. I belonged to her. My heart hasn’t been my own for quite a while and nothing would change whether she wanted to do this with me or not.

“I want to. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” She kisses my cheek and I practically melt into a puddle in her hands. I am at her complete mercy.

My forehead drops against hers, my hand moving to rest on her hip. I let out a shaky breath, positioning myself up to her core, but not allowing myself to touch her yet.

“Tell me to stop at whatever time, okay? If it hurts I want you to tell me to stop.” She nods and kisses me softly, my heart beating so fast I’m sure she can hear it.

“I trust you more than anyone,” she whispers against my lips and kisses my shoulder, and I would probably fall to my knees by the sweetness of it if I were standing.

I look down at where our hips are inches apart, grabbing my base and sliding myself up at down her heat, both of us shivering deeply at the feeling.

This is going to be over far too fast.

I meet her eyes one final time, looking for any indication she wants to stop. All I see is an intense look of heat and adoration, that I’m sure is on my face just the same.

I line myself up, unable to look away from our hips so closely together. I find a hard time believing this is real, even though I’m feeling everything so intensely. Being here, being like this with y/n might be the death of me. I’d be lucky to die like this. I’d thank the god that allowed me to be so close to her, only if it were for one time.

Both of us take one deep breath as I shift forward, taking that final movement to push myself all the way into her.

And then my world is shattered.

Y/n’s POV:

Anakin falls forward, his forehead resting against mine as he connects us completely. A choked noise falls from Anakin’s mouth, a noise so wonderful I would do anything to hear it again. I hold on to him like I’m dying because I think that I am.

He doesn’t move, letting me adjust to the new feeling. The truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to adjust to this. I feel so incredibly, overwhelmingly filled.

The first thing I feel is fullness, the next, sharp, stinging pain.

It’s a kind of pain that I would go through over and over again.

“Are you all right?” Anakin asks, his voice so full of worry it makes my insides go even crazier than before.

I take a deep breath, the pain slowly subsiding into something else. Something more intense. “Yes,” I plead, “you can move.”

Anakin stays still for another moment, before pulling all the way out of me and then plunging back in. My face twists, a completely indescribable feeling hitting me so hard I lose my breath. My mouth opens into a small ��o” shape, small whimpers leaving my mouth as he moves slowly.

He’s being so gentle I could cry if I weren’t on the brink of exploding into a million small pieces.

He brings his lips down to mine, searing me in a kiss that could end worlds, create entire galaxies. As he continues to move, the pain fades away, bleeding into pleasure so extreme it’s like he’s sucking my soul out of my body and pushing it back in over and over again.

The noises that fall from his mouth I’m sure were sent from heaven just like the rest of him. Some of them are deep and guttural and sometimes when my body tightens around his, a small, whiny sound leaves his lips, each and every one causing pleasure to spike through me.

“You feel so f-fucking perfect. So tight. I can’t- fuck,” he groans loudly as my cunt clenches around him. It’s like my body is trying to trap him inside of me, like it’s trying to prevent him from ever leaving. He’s practically molding himself into me with how much I’m being stretched, my walls constricting and tightening with every deep thrust.

“Ani, so- so full,” I moan, my fingers hooking into his short curls, my eyes not being able to leave the sight of him thrusting in and out of me.

“I know, I know. You’re taking me so well, doing such a good job, y/n.”

If I didn’t know for sure that Anakin was a virgin before this, I wouldn’t have ever believed he was. It’s like he knows exactly what spots to hit, how hard to go, and what will make me spiral.

Full is now not the right word. Complete is.

I watch his face as he looks at where his cock is impaling me over and over again, a complete look of awe on his face. His lips are parted and his eyebrows are scrunched, everything indicating that he’s in just as intense a state of pleasure that I am, maybe even more so.

His hand snakes in between our bodies, his thumb reaching my clit and pressing softly. My eyes squeeze shut, sparks going off and short-circuiting my brain. “Ani- Anakin,” I cry.

“Being so g-good for me. It’s like you were fucking made to take me, y/n,” Anakin groans as he slams his cock into me so deeply I feel like I’m being split in half. My eyes roll back, my back arching instinctively, pulling a sound that’s almost a whimper out of Anakin. “Beautiful, so beautiful.”

My pussy clenches around him so tightly I’m almost worried it hurt him, but he makes the loudest, most broken noise that I’ve heard come out of him yet.

“I- I- y/n, I can’t hold on. You feel too good, it’s too much.” His face falls into the crook of my neck, my arms cradling his head softly. He thrusts into me relentlessly while still keeping his movements gentle. I moan loudly into his ear, something in my lower stomach tightening and tightening. “Keep making those pretty noises, y/n. Please.”

The almost begging tone in his voice causes my heart to swell in my chest. He sounds so beautiful. I push my hips up to meet his, creating friction that causes both of us to let out excruciatingly loud moans. “An- Anakin-” His eyes roll back and his hips stutter, his thrusts becoming desperate.

“Fuck, fuck,” He hisses, “you’re squeezing me so fucking tight. Doing so, so amazing.” He rubs his thumb faster against my clit, my mind going completely blank. His groans turn into whimpers as his thrusts get sloppier, him clutching onto my hips so tightly they would probably leave bruises in the morning. I don’t think he realizes it, since he would immediately stop if he did, but I want to have marks. I want to have a reminder of what’s happening right now.

I feel this unexplainable tingling in my abdomen, the pleasure becoming so immense it’s like I could physically snap.

“Come for me, y/n. Let me feel you, okay? You’re safe with me,” he says softly, and the words make the rubberband inside of me tighten. I pull his lips to mine, both of our moans mixing. And as I wrap one of my legs around his back, he slides so deep into me it’s like I can feel him from my face to the bottom of my toes.

“Ani, I’m gonna- I think-” I cry out, sparks of white flashing behind my eyelids and my toes curling.

“Y/n, y/n, y/n,” Anakin pants as he pushes into me one final time.

And then, the world erupts around us.

My eyes squeeze shut, my fingers tightening in Ani’s hair as he slumps on top of me, his face nuzzling into my neck. My mind goes fuzzy, everything turning into a blur around me as I hold on to him for dear life.

Anakin’s body twitches and practically melts into my arms as he fills me to the brim, his hips still moving in and out softly, riding us through our insanely intense highs.

“Anakin, oh, force,” I whimper.

“I know. I know,” he mumbles into my neck. He presses soft kisses on my throat and collarbone, rubbing my hips with his thumbs softly. He pulls back after letting us catch our breath, a sudden look of worry on his face. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“It was perfect, Ani. Don’t worry, okay? You were so, so perfect,” I reassure him, kissing his jaw.

I notice the hint of vulnerability in his eyes and I bring my lips to his softly, wanting to wish away every bit of his insecurity. “You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of,” Anakin whispers against my lips,

“You’re my love. My home.”

Note: I really hope this isn’t super insanely boring, lol. This was my first time ever writing smut or anything like this at all, so don’t go too hard on me! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! If anyone has any suggestions on things you want me to write, I’d be happy to do it. <3

[its-not-that-weird-blog]

On the wrong foot

Matt Rempe x Reader

Summary: Maybe starting off on the wrong foot wasn't as bad as everyone thought…

Warnings: A little angsty but nothing to bad, enemies to lovers.

A/N: Due to the lack of Matt Rempe´s fics, here you have one, hope you guys like it. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language :) Let me know what you thought about this little fic

2.8k words

Being an intern for the New York Rangers has its ups and downs. Some positive aspects are that you get to do what you like (having fun on social media and forcing the players to make TikToks) and having free access to all the games in the season. All of that makes you grateful for this amazing opportunity, but there is one thing that makes this job unbearable..

And that is Matt Rempe, a cocky, 6'7" rookie who acts like he has the entire world in the palm of his hand. His arrogance and overconfidence make every interaction with him a challenge. He struts around the locker room, flaunting his height and abilities, often disregarding the efforts of those around him. His constant need for attention and validation only adds to the frustration, making what could be an amazing experience a bit of a nightmare.

Y/N and Matt started off on the wrong foot, meeting under the worst possible circumstances. It was the worst day of Y/N´s entire life. She had woken up late, throwing off her entire morning routine, and had to rush out the door without even grabbing a quick breakfast. Her day only got worse as she hurried to catch the train, only to miss it by mere seconds. By the time Y/N finally made it to the rink, she was frazzled, starving, and running on empty. That’s when she ran into Matt Rempe for the first time. Their initial encounter was less than pleasant, setting the tone for our strained relationship from the very start.

“You know this is a private practice, right?” Matt asked the poor frazzled girl.

“Yes, I am very aware of that,” she answered, chuckling. “You must be Matt, right? The new rookie?” Y/N asked, looking up at the lanky, very tall boy standing in front of her.

“Yeah, I mean, hard for you not to know, I guess... And you are?” Matt trailed off.

Y/N was taken aback, mainly because the team directors always made sure to let the new guys know who worked in what, especially in the media and marketing department.

“Oh, umm… I’m Y/N, one of the media interns,” she replied with a tight-lipped smile.

Matt raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “Media intern, huh? So, what do you do? Take pictures and post tweets?”

“Actually, I manage the team's social media accounts, coordinate player interviews, and create content for our marketing campaigns,” Y/N replied, trying to keep her voice steady despite her irritation. “It’s a lot of work and responsibility.”

“Right, sure,” Matt said dismissively. “Well, try not to get in the way.”

Y/N felt a surge of frustration but forced herself to stay calm. “I’ll do my best,” she said, her tone tinged with sarcasm. “And maybe you can try to remember who’s on your team next time.”

Matt smirked. “We’ll see about that.”

As he walked away, Y/N couldn’t help but feel a mixture of anger and determination. She knew she had to prove herself, not just to Matt, but to everyone. This internship was too important to let one arrogant rookie ruin it for her.

She brushed it off, but it still annoyed her the audacity of that boy.

°°°°°°°°°°°

A few weeks had passed since their first encounter and it has been a constant fight between Y/N and Matt, mainly because of Matt’s attitude towards her. December rolled around and the team´s marketing director told the staff that they needed to do a promotional photoshoot to use during summer break.

It was a chilly Tuesday morning, and the team was gathered for the photoshoot at an outdoor rink. The bright sunlight reflected off the ice, creating a beautiful backdrop for the shoot. Y/N had been working tirelessly to ensure everything was set up perfectly: the lighting, the props, and the shoot schedule. 

Matt Rempe, on the other hand, seemed determined to test Y/N’s patience today. As the players gathered for their turn in front of the camera, Y/N called Matt over for his individual shots.

“Alright, Matt, let’s get started,” Y/N said, holding up a clipboard and checking the list. “We need you to do a few action poses first, then we’ll get some close-ups.”

Matt strolled over with a cocky and sarcastic grin. “Sure thing, but can I ask, why do we have to do this out in the freezing cold? Couldn’t you find a warmer spot?” Making his grin disappear and tuning his face into an annoyed frown

Y/N kept her professional demeanor. “It’s about the look we’re going for. The outdoor rink adds a unique touch to the photos. Plus, it’s only for a short while.”

Matt sighed heavily but positioned himself on the ice. As Y/N instructed him to perform a few drills and poses, Matt’s resistance became evident. He was slow to follow instructions, often taking a few extra seconds to reposition himself, and his expressions were lackluster at best.

Y/N tried to stay patient as she gave him clear directions. “Matt, please try to focus on the details of the poses. We need these shots to look sharp and engaging.”

Matt responded with a distracted nod but continued to make minimal effort. When Y/N asked him to adjust his stance, he grumbled, “I’m doing my best here, but this isn’t exactly my favorite way to spend an afternoon.”

Y/N took a deep breath, keeping her frustration in check. “Matt, I understand it’s not the most exciting part of the job, but it’s important for the team’s image. We need to get this right.”

Matt didn’t seem to take her seriously. He continued to make things difficult for everyone, giving half-hearted poses, shooting dirty looks at the camera, and maintaining his scowl. The photographer was visibly annoyed, and Y/N could feel the tension rising.

“Matt, if you can’t cooperate, we’re going to have to reschedule,” Y/N said, her voice firm.

Matt stopped his antics and looked at Y/N, realizing she was serious. “Alright, alright. I’ll play along. But can we make this quick? I’m freezing out here.”

With a reluctant nod, Y/N directed Matt through the remaining poses, this time with a bit more cooperation. Though his attitude was far from perfect, he made an effort to follow directions and get the shots done. Y/N was relieved to finish the session and hoped that Matt’s cooperation would improve with time.

Matt’s POV:

A few days after my awkward encounter with Y/N at the photoshoot, I was at the rink, trying to shake off the frustration of another rough practice. As I was heading to the locker room, Trouba stopped me in the hallway, looking a bit more serious than usual.

“Dude, you should leave poor Y/N alone,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re driving her crazy, and not in the right way.”

I raised an eyebrow, confused. “What are you talking about? I haven’t done anything that bad.”

“Really?” Jacob replied, his tone indicating he was unimpressed. “I’ve seen you giving her a hard time. She’s not just some intern; she’s part of the team’s media and marketing department. You’re making it difficult for her to do her job.”

I shrugged, trying to downplay it. “I didn’t realize it was such a big deal. I thought I was just being straightforward.”

“It’s not about being straightforward,” Jacob explained. “It’s about showing some respect. She’s working hard behind the scenes, and she’s under enough pressure already. You don’t want to be the guy who makes things worse for her.”

I sighed, realizing he had a point. I hadn’t thought about how my behavior might be affecting Y/N. “Alright, I get it. I’ll try to be more considerate.”

Trouba nodded, seeming satisfied. “Good. Trust me, it’ll make things easier in the long run.” He started walking back toward the locker room but stopped and turned around to face me again. “And if you have a crush on her, that second-grade bullshit needs to stop.” He winked at me before finally leaving.

As Trouba walked away, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to make things right with Y/N. It was clear that my attitude needed to change, and I had to start finding a way to work with her, not against her.

And maybe Jacob’s right; I might have a little—just the tiniest—crush on Y/N. She’s a gorgeous, smart, and driven girl, and because of my little game, she probably won’t give me the time of day. But first things first, I need to turn around the relationship we currently have, or rather, the lack thereof.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The next day, Matt found himself lingering outside the media office, trying to figure out how to approach Y/N. Apologizing wasn't something he was used to, especially when he wasn’t sure how she’d react. But he knew he had to start somewhere.

Y/N was at her desk, headphones on, focused on editing a video from the previous game. She hadn’t noticed Matt standing in the doorway until he cleared his throat, causing her to look up in surprise.

“Oh, hey,” Y/N said, pulling off her headphones and sitting up straighter. “What’s up?”

Matt rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a bit awkward. “Hey, I just wanted to talk to you about the other day. You know, at the photoshoot.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, clearly curious where this was going. “Okay…”

“I realize I’ve been a bit of a jerk,” Matt admitted, his voice slightly strained. “I didn’t mean to make things harder for you, and I’m sorry for being difficult.”

Y/N blinked, taken aback by his sudden apology. It was the last thing she expected from him. “Well, that’s… unexpected,” she said, not quite sure how to respond. “But I appreciate it.”

Matt nodded, feeling a small weight lift off his shoulders. “I know I’ve been giving you a hard time, but I want to make it up to you. Maybe we can start over?”

Y/N studied him for a moment, searching for any signs of insincerity. To her surprise, Matt seemed genuinely contrite. “Alright,” she said finally, offering a small smile. “I’m willing to give it a shot.”

Relief washed over Matt, and he smiled back. “Great. Maybe I can help out with some of the social media stuff, or anything else you need?”

Y/N chuckled, the idea of Matt willingly helping with TikToks and Instagram posts was amusing. “We’ll see about that,” she said teasingly. “But I’ll definitely let you know if there’s anything you can do.”

Matt grinned, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction. “Deal.”

As he left the office, Matt couldn’t help but feel a bit more relieved. Maybe he’d been too quick to judge Y/N, and maybe, just maybe, there was a chance to turn things around.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°|

Over the next few weeks, Matt made a conscious effort to be more cooperative and approachable, especially when it came to Y/N’s work. It wasn’t always easy—old habits die hard—but he was determined to keep his word. Slowly but surely, the tension between them started to ease.

Y/N, for her part, noticed the change in Matt’s behavior. He was still cocky and sarcastic, but there was a noticeable shift in his attitude. He wasn’t as dismissive or difficult as before, and he even started to show some interest in the work she was doing. It was a refreshing change, and it made her job a little less stressful.

One day, as they were wrapping up a content planning meeting, Y/N decided to take a chance. “You know, Matt, we’re shooting a new series of TikToks next week,” she said casually. “We could use a player who’s good on camera… Interested?”

Matt smirked, recognizing the playful challenge in her voice. “Oh, so now you need my help?”

Y/N rolled her eyes but smiled. “Only if you’re up for it.”

Matt pretended to think it over, then nodded. “Alright, I’m in. But only if you promise to make me look good.”

Y/N laughed. “Deal. But you’ll have to take direction without any complaints this time.”

“Fine,” Matt agreed, holding out his hand. “Shake on it?”

Y/N shook his hand, feeling a sense of accomplishment. It was a small victory, but it felt like a step in the right direction. Maybe, just maybe, this internship wouldn’t be so unbearable after all.

And as for Matt? Well, he found himself looking forward to working with Y/N a lot more than he’d expected.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

As the weeks passed, the collaboration between Y/N and Matt grew smoother, and so did their relationship. They began to banter more playfully, their exchanges losing the tension they once had. Y/N started to see a different side of Matt, the side that wasn’t all arrogance and bravado, but someone who was actually fun to be around. 

Matt, too, couldn’t help but notice how much he enjoyed spending time with Y/N. Her sharpness, her determination, and the way she handled everything with grace under pressure all intrigued him. The more he got to know her, the more he found himself wanting to be around her.

One evening, after a long day of content creation and practice, Y/N was finishing up some last-minute edits in the media room. The office was quiet, with most of the staff having gone home. She was so engrossed in her work that she didn’t notice Matt walk in.

“Hey,” Matt’s voice broke the silence, startling Y/N slightly.

“Oh, fuck!” Y/N yelped, “ Matt, you scared me!” she exclaimed, laughing as she turned to face him. “What are you doing here so late?”

Matt leaned against the doorframe, a small smile playing on his lips. “I was just wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat. It’s been a long day, and I figured you could use a break.”

Y/N blinked in surprise. This was the first time Matt had ever suggested something like this. “Are you asking me out on a dinner date?” she teased, raising an eyebrow.

Matt chuckled, his expression softening. “Yeah, I guess I am. What do you say?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment, then smiled warmly. “Sure, I’d like that.”

They ended up at a cozy little diner not too far from the arena, the kind of place that felt welcoming and unpretentious. As they settled into a booth, the conversation flowed easily. They talked about everything, from their families and childhood memories to their hopes and dreams for the future.

For the first time, Y/N saw the genuine person behind the cocky exterior. Matt was funny, thoughtful, and surprisingly down-to-earth. The more they talked, the more she found herself drawn to him. 

And Matt? He couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful Y/N looked when she laughed, or how her eyes lit up when she talked about something she was passionate about. He realized that this wasn’t just a crush anymore, he was falling for her, and hard.

As they walked out of the diner, the night air cool and crisp, Matt felt a wave of nervous anticipation. He knew he didn’t want this night to end just yet.

“Y/N,” Matt began, stopping in front of her. “I know we didn’t exactly start off on the right foot, but… I really like you. And I want to see where this could go.”

Y/N looked up at him, her heart skipping a beat. She could see the sincerity in his eyes, and it made her heart swell. “Matt, I like you too,” she admitted, a soft smile spreading across her face. “I wasn’t sure at first, but… you’ve shown me that there’s more to you than I thought.”

Matt took a step closer, his hand reaching out to gently tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “So… what now?” he asked, his voice low and hopeful.

Y/N’s smile widened as she closed the distance between them. “Now,” she said softly, “we see where this goes.”

With that, Matt leaned in, his lips brushing against hers in a tender, sweet kiss. It was soft at first, almost hesitant, as if both of them were testing the waters. But as Y/N responded, the kiss deepened, filled with a warmth and affection that had been building between them for weeks.

When they finally pulled apart, both of them were breathless, but smiling. Matt rested his forehead against hers, his arms wrapped around her waist.

“I’m really glad you didn’t let me mess this up,” Matt whispered, his voice filled with emotion.

“Me too,” Y/N replied, her eyes shining with happiness. “I think we make a pretty good team, don’t you?”

Matt grinned, leaning in to kiss her again. “Yeah, we really do.”

As they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms under the soft glow of the streetlights, it was clear that this was the beginning of something special—something neither of them had expected, but both of them were more than ready to embrace.

[sparklefangs]

my library is saving my mental health

I was diagnosed with epilepsy in January and am no longer allowed to drive.

I live in the ass-end of nowhere - my town has about 1600 people in it according to the last census - and all the third spaces in a 45 minute drive radius, every single one, have been shut down by landlords who kept driving the rent up. (Seriously - a gaming cafe that had been there for 11 years and was always packed, a local institution, just closed a couple months ago because they couldn't afford the rent anymore.) I also can't walk anywhere at all because the roads have no shoulders, and locals in unnecessarily massive pickup trucks drive as though coming 3 inches from hitting pedestrians is their favorite sport.

Over the last 7 months I've felt my soul slowly leaking out like a nosebleed. There's so much I can't do. I can't go anywhere. I don't have friends or family to visit. Have you ever had a mental breakdown because you physically couldn't go buy a half gallon of milk? It's not great. I mean, obviously, a fair number of people experience that, but if you haven't, and suddenly that's your reality, it's pretty jarring. Even if you're an introvert, you still have the option available to you. Now imagine you don't anymore, even if you feel like you could. You just legally and by circumstance of location cannot leave the house unless someone takes you.

So, once a week, my partner drives me the half hour to our tiny little library and drops me off. It's not in walking distance of anything, so I sit there for six hours reading. Just chilling out in my favorite chair with a book. It's great.

I'm not the only person who does this. No matter what day of the week I'm there, I see the same people sitting in their favorite spots, doing the same thing I am. It's mostly older people, but also younger folks with various visible disabilities, and I assume others, like me, who probably have less visible disabilities and nowhere else to go.

This is an extremely conservative area but the staff managed to find a corner of the YA section for a tiny little pride-themed book display. I thought it was just for June, but it's mid-July and the display is still there.

I'm so grateful for this library. Even if you buy a lot of books or mainly use audible or kindle, go visit yours from time to time. Check out books, even if you don't get around to reading them. Sign up for events they might have - ours does a monthly "blind book date" thing where you tell them what you like to read, they pick out a couple books for you, and give you a few little themed extras in your box. Show that they're important so they can keep getting funding.

They need to stick around and you might not even realize how important they are until, like me, you have nowhere else to go. I've always valued libraries but now I find myself one of the people who actually really, truly needs it in a very personal and immediate way.

PS - And tell the library staff how much you appreciate what they do. They get yelled at all the time by jackasses who probably don't even use the library but are mad because they heard there are rainbows on some of the books.

[adilynnyuri]

So - I am here again ;-) - first at all I want to thank you again and tell you how grateful I am to have you by my side on my journey - your advise and own experiences help me so much, they boost my mindset and help me to move on. Although I am so thankful that you talk about revision of death with me and the other two guys sharing my revision journey - it's so tremendously helpful for me and when I am doubting I often come back to all that stuff over and over again and it gives me hope and power to persist. Your words are so eye-opening for me and they really hit my crucial issues.

As you answered to the other person who shares my journey, incase of revising death the pivotal issue are our deep programmes (assumptions!) about death. So these programmes always popup as intrusive thoughts. You always highlight that it doesn't matter if we feel bad when affirming. So do you think that by moving on with robot affirming resistance decreases over time or is it possible to saturate your mind although sometimes there are these thoughts? I try to get better and better in robot affirming and I really see progress. I feel much less resistance and I noticed that I more often have reallly good feelings. But then sometimes it hits down in my stomach and these intrusive programmes pop up again...So I dont know if this will affect my manifestation.

It also hit me that you answered me that if I assume that "revising death is a piece of cake process - then it will be!" You have literallly scanned my mind! ;-) Yes - I assume that it's a BIG deal and so it will take a QUANTUM step. So you really unlocked one of my cornerstone assumtions and now I feel some first progess of letting go this belief!

One big issue I also deal with is that I lived together with my mum, so I miss her in my daily life and so much things remind me of the loss. Also other people remind me. I then actually try to say to myself that this isn't my reality and keep affirming then. But in these moments instrusive thoughts become stronger and I feel that this triggers my doubtring and wavering regarding the naturalness. Do you have some advise to manage this in a less wavering way? How did you do it with your uncle? And how your uncle first appeared in your 3D again or was this so fluent that you can't describe this?

When it comes to affirming and saturating: I affirm: "Mum is healthy, happy and right by my side." I will add the "Creator-Formula" ;-) you advised to use (I think it will be very helpful to build up a better self concept...). I visualize occasionally and during the day I sometimes shortly remind little splits of my visualizations: I then often say to myself: "I am looking forward when we can do X or Y. " or "I have to tell you so many things." Is this future relation in these statements ok in this case or should I adapt that to a more "present" tense wording?

And as a last question: If my biggest wish is the revision, but I would like to adapt some other circumstances around to create a more comfortable and relaxed life for us: Would it be more effective to first focus on the revison and then manifest these other things later on? Or doesnt it matter, so that I can add some other affiormations I want to become true? So the question is here, if it is more effective to first manifest the biggest wish or if it just doesnt matter and we can directly add some further affirmations for other things/circumstances? Does it matter how much time we affirm for a change?

Thanks again - my angel - you are so kind!

Hii love! 🤍

I am so so happy that you understood what I said and also implemented that into your reality!! PROUD OF YOU BABE! 💋

HOW DID MY MANIFEST MY COOL UNCLE BACK (ANOTHER VAUNT ABOUT MY UNCLE 🤭)

Ig the overall question of you is how to stop wavering. The answer is very simple - affirm

Everything is so simple babe!

As you already know,

Dominant thoughts = your actual reality

I understand that wavering comes up when you are "trying" To manifest something "bigger" But no shit is bigger for you to manifest.

The only thing bigger is the power you hold to manifest anything you want!

I suggested robotic affirmations because I manifested my uncle back with robotic affirmations.

"How your uncle first appeared in your 3d"

Well, simple. Everyone was grieving for his loss everyday and i was sitting and affirming that he ain't dead🤓☝🏻

Literally bruh, everyday some people will come to my home and will remind me about his loss!

I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK☝🏻

Kept affirming, affirming and affirming that i got my shit and all the negative shit goes to trash. No intrusive thoughts can affect me!

Even I was missing him alot coz he was my favorite uncle ever.... Used to buy me lot of kpop related stuffs + his character and personality is *chefs kiss*

As I was robotically affirming (i don't really remember how many days) and ig it took me about a week to saturate my mind. And boom! Within few days, he just walked into my home like nothing have never happened and bought me chocolates too! 💀

All of my family members were not surprised when he walked into my home and everyone was just casually inviting him.

*Meanwhile me 👁👄👁 knowing that manifested him back with just affirming*

But i was not shocked. (I was shocked) 😭

BUT IT LASTED ONLY FEW SECONDS THEN AGAIN I REMINDED MYSELF THAT I AM THE MASTER OF THIS REALITY.

And because of this "big manifestation" I became more STRONGER like SO MUCH STRONGER!

Me be like "nobody can stop me here afterwards"

🦹‍♀️🦸🏻‍♀️

[yuurei20]

Hi there! Quick question, How does Idia feel about Leona?? to me, they have such weird dynamic. They don't like each other but they don't outright hate each other either, but sometimes it feels like they're totally fine with each other?? Is this just a respect thing??

Hello hello!! This gets into character analysis which is definitely not my strength, so I reached out to one of the most knowledgeable Idia-analyzers I’ve ever seen ( @frost__tw ) who was so kind as to collaborate with me on this response, and I am forever grateful ♡

Also: agreed! Their dynamic is particularly fascinating because they are both complete opposites and extremely similar, simultaneously:

Both are housewardens, near the same height, canonically attractive, unusually intelligent, very sarcastic, enjoy chess, are from important families, keep others at a distance, often complain about having to go out of their way to do things they are uninterested in, have brother issues and won’t put effort into things they have predetermined to be impossible, which ties directly into how they are trapped in situations they can’t do anything about due to the circumstances of their birth.

And we also have their recently introduced titles (on JP server): “Ambitious King” and “King of the Underworld.”

It is difficult to pinpoint exactly how Idia feels about Leona, possibly because he doesn’t know very much about him (which is possibly because Leona doesn’t want him to).

During Book 6 he assumes that Leona isn’t suited to a leadership role, for example, despite how people who actually spend time with Leona say otherwise.

The two overlap in Idia’s second birthday vignette, where Leona gifts him with an artisanal chess set and the two pause the interview to play together.

They seem to mutually agree not to mention who won the game, and it may have been a draw.

We see Idia categorize people and generalize them into character tropes (from anime/manga/games) throughout the game, and based upon Leona’s appearance/outward behavior, Idia may labeling him as the scary top boss of the Savanaclaw hooligans (re: their Halloween vignette together) in his mind.

But he is able to overcome his initial flight response in this birthday vignette once Leona procures the chess set (one of Idia’s personal interests).

(This is part of the reason why Idia’s stutter is such an important part of the character: he stutters when he panics, but then speaks smoothly when he becomes passionate, which the characters even comment on in the game (Ortho calls it his "go off switch" on EN, and his "heat up switch" on JP).)

(Recreation of this trait varies by scene on EN.)

Leona is difficult to read because he will insult the people he likes and respects just as readily as he does those he does not (something that we see Jamil come to understand in real time during Book 6), so trying to work out his true opinion about anything can get into conjecture.

They also do not overlap particularly often, which gives us less to work with, but his teasing of Idia in the birthday vignette is not dissimilar to his teasing of characters like Jamil and Vil. Whereas they understand Leona’s humor, however, Idia may not.

What we know for a fact is that Leona has canonically complimented Idia for being both intelligent and powerful during Spectral Soiree, and this may have been a parallel to Terror is Trending when, extremely impressed by Savanaclaw’s Halloween set, Idia asks, “Did Leona use his magic for it?”

Idia also comments on Leona’s power during his evaluations at STYX, saying, “I already knew Leona was tough and could handle whatever danger comes at him…”

I think you are correct, and it is a respect thing!

They are both aware of the other’s familial situations and strengths and, in any other circumstances, they might get along well. But their personalities are just too different, they frustrate each other in every conversation they have, and whatever positives the other person has might just not be enough to outweigh how obnoxious they find the other to be.

We learn from Vil that the rule at NRC is “the weak obey the strong,” and the Housewardens at NRC seem to take this literally, with Idia, Leona and Vil all being constantly torn between sincere annoyance and grudging respect. The three referring to others as “spudlings,” “normies” and “herbivores” is another interesting overlap that they share.

(Despite being even more different than Leona and Idia, Leona and Vil repeatedly find common ground in allying against Idia.)

(In a parallel to this, Leona and Idia find common ground on the subject of Malleus, with Leona saying, “It’s a pain when the majority forces their opinion on you,” which is an opinion Idia seems to share.)

Thank you so much for this question, it was wonderful to dive into!

Overall, Leona and Idia seem to share a mutual undertone of “I know you’re the best at what you do, but I can’t stand you. I acknowledge that you’re intelligent, capable and talented, but please go be that somewhere else,” which ties directly into a comment from Yana’s 2023 interview:

“Since the characters in the story are villains they do not admit defeat, but they will admit, ‘Hey, you did pretty good.’ Even if they don’t like each other, they will recognize each other’s abilities.”

(And thank you again to @frost__tw for all the amazing insight! ♡)

[starsworldd]

Saturn/Venus rant (I’m back!) 💖

hello all! i’ve decided to come back from my break. a lot of things have happened in my life since then but i am grateful to be here again! i’ve started college in a new state and have started living more independently obviously (besides my roommates hehe) but life has certainly gotten quicker and better for me! below are some pictures i’ve taken on my travels since my break :)

a couple of updates regarding this blog:

as far as readings go, i will now have them open! they will be upped in price and i won’t be able to give them away as quick because god knows i have been selling myself short and overworking myself💀 the readings will still be high quality, more aesthetic, and detailed as i’ve always kept them. i will update my example pdf soon

i will try and get through my submission box however it will be very slow i will not lie. while i don’t mind the occasional personal astrological question here and there, i do from now on want to use my blog as a more general space rather than just answering to people’s personal questions. so i would prefer if people submitted post ideas instead for content they would like to see from me :)

now onto today’s rant! 💖

today i want to talk about a theory/conjecture i had about astrology and how the planets operate.

i believe that a planet at its best function will actually be able to achieve its opposite function in astrogical terms. let me explain:

♂ mars is an aggressive, personally-oriented type of planet. in our charts, mars shows where/how we change our fate despite certain circumstances not being in our favor or being in its easiest forms.

♂ when mars operates in a poor manner, this can lead to people being lazy, cowardly, or blind to where one can improve themselves or life situation.

♂ when mars acts in its best manner, it’s able to work quickly and efficiently which are already inherently martian traits, but when it’s able to work efficiently/quickly it’s end-goal is to bring endings and solutions to certain problems which is a venusian trait. venus rules over death, acceptance, and peace. mars in its best manner is also highly loyal and capable of great creativity sense mars makes things anew again (aries is literal birth and then scorpio is exploring our personal/collective limits which bring about new experiences and ideas in our lives) and creativity and loyalty are often associated with venus as well.

i will give another example: saturn.

♄ we all know that saturn is a planet that rules over boundaries, restrictions, and time. but it also rules over things like darkness/death, sacrifice, self-preservation, personal limits, legacy, and even creativity. though some of these traits are similar to what i listed above for venus, we have to remember that venus is about enjoyment and pleasure. it rules over death and creativity for a different purpose than saturn.

♄ saturn at its best levels up not only the individual but inspires those who are around the individual to level up as well. think of saturnian energy as a dark room, there isn’t a thing you can see. when there are people who have managed to navigate the darkness, to somehow find a light in a place that was once dark and unknown, it motivates us to find our own “light” in places that are dark for us in our lives; in this way, saturn at its best actually helps us find the light in our lives and works for the collective via inspiration.

♄ when saturn is at its worst, it is stingy, conservative, traditional, and just simply rude. i may have thrown a few people off with listing traditional as one of its worst manifestations but i will explain:

♄ even in a sign like capricorn which is known in the astrology community for having very traditional and consistent traits, we have to first think about how traditions are established. traditions are established through consistency but traditions become traditions because they were at one point in our lives something new and interesting. these traditions at one point provided us with substances or feelings that we didn’t know of before but actually improved our lives and eventually set a new standard. that’s why capricorn isn’t necessarily traditional imo; capricorn just sets a new bar or standard when it enters the scene and it therefore becomes traditional because we aspire to meet these standards ourselves. and this ladies and gentlemen is how saturn can becoming a guiding light in our lives instead of a “wall” at its best energy💰

hope you enjoyed!

[kyomaakuma7]

After a very long break I’ve come to finally say my share. For those who want to know in more depth how I feel about the full situation I am writing it down below.

Thank you for everyone who sent kind messages and comforting words and thank you most to my good friend @thisanimatedphantom and Kou who supported me through these hard times.

My statement on the Situation

When I started in Inky Mystery, I never thought that it would  get me to where I am today with the friends that I have now.  When I was first introduced to it, and reading it I was immediately entranced into the story and wanted nothing more but to illustrate it since I had already planned to remake the original. Seeing such a well-crafted story I knew that this would be the story that I would illustrate. (And TAP knows how much work and behind the scene illustrating I’ve been doing from character turnarounds, layout design, alphabet style, and etc.)

Soon I made the first blog and received overwhelming support which I had not originally imagined would come with making my first post, and to that I am grateful. Soon I befriended the author of InkyMystery as our friendship grew, so did the attention that I received with the comics that I was illustrating for them. Unfortunately deleted against my wishes, and after trying to get it back to no avail I created a new blog where I had to restart from the beginning. This process was not easy and for those who know me, I was completely devastated by the fact that I had lost that account. After making my new account with the support of TAP I started my journey again.

Unfortunately with the positive attention comes negative attention. Soon the posts started to gain traction again, and people started to come under the assumption that I was TheGreatRouge making their come back.  What people failed to acknowledge and do was to do further research on was whether or not I actually was. As you can assume I am not them. In fact, I do not like TheGreatRouge. Their content was some thing that I consumed in great mass when I was younger, but soon realized that a lot of the things that they made were toxic and I distanced myself from that. Since then, I have gained certain opinions from on this creator. Nonetheless, I do not find it acceptable that people are taking this approach, even if they do think that I am them.

The words that were said to me in my inbox, comments, and direct messages are not things that I will repeat here. What you should know is that a lot of these things were pertaining to me being a disgusting vile human who should take my own life. As someone who struggles with depression, this was a personal hit to home and it cause my mental health to decline drastically. And I spent days going through and deleting these.

At first, I did not speak out on the issue and distance myself from my friends until eventually I came back and told them what was happening. TAP felt for me and as you may know when they made a post about it which I appreciate greatly along with comforting me and encouraging my break.

I took a long break from working on the comic, along with interacting with the community which worried a lot of people, but it was necessary for me to do since it was harming me so much. I am officially coming back and I will be more active on this account since I don’t have to follow it as a mainly Inky Mystery account.

My final statement on the situation is that even though I am not TheGreatRouge under no circumstances is it acceptable to tell somebody to take their own life or attack somebody on social media just because your beliefs do not align with theirs. No matter how wrong it is, it is not acceptable. If you think that doing those things are OK then you’re not welcome in my space. Please leave.

Thank you and I hope to continue doing this since I love it so much <3

-Sincerely, KyomaAkuma

[doing-swell]

hello, my name's swellie 💖✨🌈 aka: new pinned post! new pinned post! read all abt it!

welcome to my blog! I started on here almost exactly a year ago, and since then I've learned not only so much about my pregnancy kink, but also about myself. being here has been formative for my kink exploration journey, and it's helped me deconstruct years of catholic school girl trauma (s/o to catholic guilt!).

This is a pregnancy and birth fetish vlog. This is an 18+ only environment. DO NOT INTERACT IF 18 OR YOUNGER. I am a 27 year old white cis woman with brown hair. I identify as a neurodivergent bisexual woman on the ace-spectrum. I live in the US - New England specifically!

I've had a pregnancy kink since I was a kid. I even got in trouble for google image searching "pregnat" on my childhood computer lol (it was 2006 folks, what else was i supposed to do?) I created this blog to share the beautiful side of this kink. I hope you enjoy! <3

Keep reading below!

As a queer person I will absolutely not condone any form of homophobia, transphobia, racism, misogyny, etc etc. I am an open and tolerant person, and please do not try to take advantage of me because of this. I mostly only follow back people whose content I enjoy seeing.

When I interact with kink content here, I mostly imagine myself as the pregnant carrier. I mostly get off to picturing myself in some sort of pain (i.e. labor) or I like to picture myself with a pregnant person.

Things I really enjoy:

Wearing a fake pregnant belly

Pregnant bellies (specifically, large pregnant bellies, smaller bellies, those with stretch marks, red bellies, moving bellies)

Breeding <3

Impregnation <3

Poking pregnant bellies, rubbing them etc

Stirrups, medical torture stuff, etc (FANTASY ONLY. I CANNOT REPEAT THAT ENOUGH. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU FEEL OTHERWISE)

Birth, birth denial, labor and contractions

Pregnant lesbians (because duh,,, I’m fucking gay)

Historical pregnancies or pregnancies set in the past

Clothes not being able to fit/spilling out of old clothes

Giant swollen boobs (especially with veins 🙈)

Giant bellies in laps <3

Waddling and being out of breathe, struggling to sit up, contractions, unable to get up from sitting, etc

Curves🤤🤤

I’m not into:

Anime/ drawings

Monster fucking, slime, pups/litter talk, etc

Mpreg

Beastiality, aliens, monsters, anything sci fi

Eggs or pushing out objects

Feederism, feedies, or stuffing (in very very specific circumstances I tolerate this)

Anything to do with fatphobia or shaming folks for their size/weight

Swollen feet

It gets weird when it gets misogonistic in a "I would actually vote to overturn roe v wade if I had the chance" kind of thing -- if it's fantasy/pure imagination, I'm all ears. But when I think you would actually hate crime me IRL..... that's when I [not-so] politely decline ❤️🫶🏻

Other disclaimers:

I am in a relationship right now and she knows about this blog and my kink. She is so supportive and I love her very much. We are very open to exploring ourselves sexually, but never, and I mean never, would I risk my relationship because of something on here. If you cross a line, I will immediately tell you. Please do not assume I want to fuck you or be in a relationship with you in real life, this is purely for kink purposes. I think of you as my friends! If I talk to you, or respond to your DM's or like your content occasionally, that means I'm grateful to have you in my life and you make my life better by being in it. Xoxo, thank you for understanding!

Please send me asks, tell me about your fantasies, ask me questions about my fetish. I want to learn more about you as well! I’m an open book when it comes to most things, I promise I won’t judge you 🙈

I don’t want to tell you my real name, where I live, or anything about me in real life. You won’t ever see my face. It’s what I’m comfortable with, full stop. If you do get my name or anything from me, it’s for you only. Do not share that without my consent. For purposes of this blog, you can call me Swellie 🤪

I love interacting with mutuals through tags and captions 💋 it’s my way of flirting and will swoon if you do the same

Happy swelling, babies 🫡

[saintsenara]

thoughts on Crabbe/Goyle, Crabbe/Draco, and/or Goyle/Draco? also in terms of canon, what do you think happened to Goyle post-war?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

in canon, crabbe and goyle are only ever really viewed by harry through the lens of their relationship to draco. indeed, the reader would be forgiven for assuming that both of them spend any time that draco isn't with them staring at a blank wall, not talking to anyone else or doing anything draco doesn't permit them to do or going anywhere without him, while draco - who is shown socialising with other slytherins, like pansy parkinson and theodore nott - only pays them attention when he wants something.

but something i am absolutely committed to thinking is that this is a classic case of harry "lack of object permanence" potter both being unable to comprehend people he's not interested in having lives and thinking that since malfoy is the member of the trio he considers the most important to his own life he must be the most important of the three generally.

instead, i am always struck in canon by the heavy implication - even prior to half-blood prince, in which it's stated outright - that draco doesn't have any actual friends, that he's quite lonely, and that harry never notices this.

and so my preferred way of thinking about these three is to read crabbe and goyle as each other's ride-or-die bff, and draco as someone they think of as a yapping terrier who follows them around and whom they humour.

which is to say, when it comes to vincent crabbe/gregory goyle... it's canon. they're the slytherin equivalent of romione, falling in love in snape's remedial defence against the dark arts classes while breathing a sigh of relief that draco passed first time.

and then when it comes to vincent crabbe/draco malfoy... it's a flop. crabbe's pining over goyle, while draco's driven to ever greater heights of clinginess and being insufferable by the realisation that the boyfriend he thought would be grateful he'd even deigned to look in his direction actually thinks he's annoying and mid.

[it's giving won-won and lavender.]

while they're at school, gregory goyle/draco malfoy is going to have the same issue.

but after it?

i think there's an awful lot to be said for pairings in which the people involved only end up together because of mutual grief - it's my preferred configuration of lilypad or jeverus, for example, and it's also one of the only circumstances in which i could ever see harmony working. and i think it would slap with droyle.

after all, goyle's lost his other half - and not only that, has lost him because of a spell he cast. draco's seen everything he believed was correct and certain about his childhood torn to pieces - including the fact that crabbe and goyle were faithful minions who'd always be there when he wanted them.

they're both going to be completely adrift and terrified about the future - not least because, assuming goyle gets out of azkaban too [which i think he would; i find it inherently plausible that harry insists upon the ministry issuing a blanket pardon for anyone eighteen and under who fought for voldemort], he's not exactly going to have the pick of the job market.

and so why shouldn't they have a little codependent cuddle? as a treat.

[slythereen]

Hello, I am new to F1 and Charles is my favorite driver. Today I saw many people mentioning Charles' personal fashion CLACE. This project was blocked by Ferrari? But why? Do other drivers have a personal brand? Can they do what they want? I'm very curious about this. What does it mean now that Charles can wear his own clothes? I would be very grateful if you could reply to me<3

not me scrambling to tumblr to scream about the clace photos only to discover this. anon i am so sorry in advance if this goes off the rails but charles wear his own merch again IS kind of a big deal !!

1. why was clace blocked by ferrari?

i believe charles may have started working on clace and the concept of it while he was still with sauber. i’m not 100% on that timeline. regardless, he stopped developing it while at ferrari and once got asked about it. he said something to the effect that it just wasn’t a good time, but sebastian take-no-shit vettel revealed that actually, ferrari won’t let him (or any driver) have his own clothing line. (note to self: come back to link this interview video) so we know that is the true reason.

as to why, it’s because ferrari has an exclusive clothing partnership with puma. the drivers are allowed to design their “own” shirts for special races (like charles’ monza merch), but they are all still produced and sold by puma. the issue with clace, for ferrari/puma, is that it would not be produced by puma and therefore violates that exclusivity clause.

2. do other drivers have their own brands?

yes! not every team has a fully exclusive partnership. and given the individual contracts of drivers and unique brand circumstances (drivers have their own not-team sponsors as well as team sponsors, who sometimes sponsor them as a driver as well), it can vary. so it may be that ferrari as a team has an exclusive arrangement, but charles as a driver and independent contract may develop his own brand line on the side. that was not the case before (and still, theoretically) but just as an example.

off the top of my head: lando has quadrant, which is his own company/esports that sells merch. he also sells LN4 merch. quadrant is technically independent of him. i actually can’t remember if mclaren has a clothing sponsorship tbh, but he’s been able to have his own brand. similarly, max has vestappendotcom and team redline, both of which are independent organizations (and i believe redline has merch). daniel launched enchanté recently. sebastian didn’t start his good-causes t-shirts until after he retired but he has that brand. so yes, personal branding is also big for drivers are they start to develop their reputation as drivers apart from their teams.

as to whether or not they can do what they want… it really will vary based on the individual contract, but not really. i think lewis probably has the greatest freedom over his reputation and personal brand (he does a LOT outside of racing and is globally famous, “beyond” f1), but he likely still has certain clauses relating to his conduct and how it reflects on mercedes. plus, all of the drivers are bound by the fia’s rules (notably, the non-political stance that all drivers have to abide by).

one example along these lines are the driver’s personal cars. not all of them are really bound to have their own team’s constructor’s cars, i don’t think, but it seems like most drivers either do or they have a car from a related partner or sponsor. i know less about the personal cars tbh. charles has his ferrari pista which he mostly drivers, but he also has several other brands. max has several aston martins (which, while being a distinct team, as a Brand is one of red bull’s sponsors). i don’t know what the haas drivers drive, but i wouldn’t be surprised if they have ferraris (because haas uses ferrari engines).

3. so what does it mean that charles is wearing clace?

it means CHANGE. something is afoot that has changed his contractual obligations regarding puma. this can mean a LOT of things, especially because he just signed with a big talent management company (WME) and because he is wearing clace noticeably and publicly. a lot of his fans know it got shut down by ferrari, so he had to know that people who notice and realize this Means Something.

what does it mean? at the very least, in all of my theories, it means charles’ negotiating power has grown significantly. his personal brand and reputation has power. he is able to get a contract that entitles him to greater personal freedoms and branding outside of his team. that’s mega.

what contract, though? my main theories:

he has resigned with ferrari already with a very favorable contract (that immediately modified his current) that entitles him to greater liberties and likely has several clauses requiring more preferential treatment with car development etc

he has signed with rbr, who are less strict on personal brands (as an energy drink, they can achieve their marketing power based on putting a can in their hand regardless of what they are wearing. their brand is built more on vibes and emotion than on Stuff). this also likely means his contract kicks in sooner than, say, 2025… because otherwise, he’d likely still have to abide by his remaining year on the ferrari contract.

puma is ending their partnership with ferrari and/or ferrari’s sponsorships are shuffling around a bit, so it’s no longer a limitation on the drivers.

i’m sure there could be many other explanations. im sure wondering about what it all means is going to drive me insane.

also: welcome to f1 hell!!! ❤️💙

[volivolition]

heyo!! hows unstoppable force going?? :0

HELLO ANON! lots of people asking about my fics (unless you're all just the same anon??? hgkj) in any case, im truly grateful :')!! i'll split up chatting between them, but since you asked for it specifically: let's talk Unstoppable Force! :D

Preface, here's all my fic wips as explained before!! and all my writing can be found in my #inland drabbles tag! ask 2, ask 3!

Unstoppable Force, aka "The Unstoppable Force Kisses the Immovable Object" was my first ever skills fic! as with all my writings, it's still a wip hgkjg Unstoppable Force is centered on Volition and Electrochemistry's relationship, from enemies -> friends with benefits -> lovers :3 it started as pwp but whoops accidentally got a bit of plot in there! it is still very explicit hgskgjk

Current word count is now 22,389!! granted, some of these are snippets of other fics. This document is a general free-for-all Volistry document, but Unstoppable Force in specific does have a plot in mind.

As for how it's going, it's currently a back burner project. Life's been tossin' curveballs and writing's been waiting in the outfield. for Unstoppable Force in specific, ive never written an explicit fic before so on top of the evil "your writing isn't good enough" demons im also fighting off the puritan "you should not be writing sexy shit, you are a sinner and also CRINGE" angels. like lmao LET ME FUCKIN LIVE HDHJFJ

i really love rereading it (literally canNOT stop grinning while rereading, theyre SO FUNNY, im delighted by their dialogues hgkj) and i KNOW other people might like reading it too, but also it's hard to believe anyone besides me will like the plot and characterization and. y'know. the sex?? i feel its very obvious i am a novice at this hgkj im aroace as fuck guys, this is already such an endeavor hkjgg

NEVERTHELESS. WE PERSIST!! the outline is all there, and a lot of plot points are already filled in! i just need to add more in-between sections, and figure out which sections i actually want to include in the fic hkjg

i think i want to add more of volition's thought process into this, it's fuckin fascinating, the way he denies things he wants, and moreover doesn't allow himself to want? me when the homie's self restraint is making his life worseee~!!! hgkjg shakes him hgkjg here's a writing snippet!! for you!!!

^ I NEED TO FUCKIN EXTRAPOLATE ON THIS!! HEY @ MY OWN WRITING, IS THIS TRUE??? HGKJG

i think it'd be better if i punched up the conflict in one of the later chapters? there's a part where volition's reaction to something harry says would realistically be something else, especially given the circumstances. i know exactly how i could do it but it makes me REALLY SAD augfhfhgh what if i just want volition and echem to be happy!! what then!!!

augh i'll do it eventually but I'LL BE SAD ABOUT IT HJGKJ </3 alas, writing is driven by conflict. i GOTTA CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE!!!

okay, i could say more but that's all on Unstoppable Force for now. i have a lot of fondness for this fic as my first ever one that got me started in the fandom <33 volistry lover forever and ever!!! :D thank you for reading!!! :D

[spaceyaceface]

Absence - Safety Ch 9

Ominis Gaunt x f!Ravenclaw!Reader (Reader is not MC)

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Death threats, emotional abuse

Summary: Y/N L/N had always despised Ominis Gaunt. He was everything she hated about her life. As the only daughter to a wealthy pure-blood family, she knew it was inevitable that she would someday find herself in an arranged marriage.

But why did it have to be him?

Or, a classic arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, slow burn.

Also available on AO3

Chapter One | Chapter Eight

Dearest,

Yes, my parents told me the news at dinner, just the same as yours. Seems the thing we’ve both been dreading isn’t so bad after all. In fact, I’m rather looking forward to spending the evening with you—even with such dismal circumstances. 

I am glad my siblings won’t be attending. Subjecting you to my parents’ presence is bad enough. I can only hope they will behave themselves, and that your parents will do the same. 

Christmas can’t come soon enough. 

Your friend,

Ominis Gaunt

She smiled down the letter, having read it initially the night before, but coming to visit it once again the next morning. Never in her life had she looked forward to Christmas—she knew most people did, but usually, it was just another day for her. She never received any gifts until she got to Hogwarts, nor did her family decorate their home. In fact, the only bit of celebration they ever had was the occasional visit of distant family or other pureblood families, and that wasn’t exactly pleasant. 

But this year was different. 

She knew for certain that she would have at least a moment of joy when her she got to see her friend, a distraction from the awful place she was in. Now, she just had to endure until he arrived. 

There was a gentle knock on her door, and her mood improved even more. Diane opened it a crack, peeking in.

“May I come in, dear?” 

She leapt to her feet, opening the door and pulling Diane inside. The older woman let out a chuckle upon seeing her wide grin. “It looks like someone got the news?”

“Yes!” she responded as Diane threw open her wardrobe, ruffling through the dresses. “Merlin, what a relief. We were worried when his parents forced him home. Thought something awful was heading his way.”

There was a bit of a twinkle in Diane’s eye when she turned back to her, dress in her arms. “Worried about him now, are we? I never would have thought you capable of it. Not for a Gaunt boy.” 

Just as she had done a hundred times growing up, she let Diane help to dress her. She never liked it; it was something she didn’t miss while at Hogwarts, but whenever she tried it herself her parents always seemed to find some imperfection to criticize. So she could at least be grateful it was Diane there with her. 

“I’ve already told you, Diane, he’s different. Nothing like his family. I admit I thought very lowly of him until he proved otherwise.” 

Diane hummed. There seemed to be a bit of a knowing tone to it that she didn’t like very much. But the woman was speaking again before she could comment on it. “And what of your friend Constance? Gotten her owl yet?” 

She was quiet for a moment. “We had a falling out, actually. We… well, I wouldn’t consider us friends anymore.” 

As she stood in front of her, straightening some fabric, Diane frowned. “I’m sorry to hear it.”

“It’s alright. It’s for the better, I think.” She went on to tell her the whole story—most of the story, at least, sans the threats from her father. Like she had been for many years, Diane was a wonderful listener, and it was nice to talk about such things to someone. 

Soon, her story was finished, and she was dressed. Diane sat next to her on the bed, smiling softly. “I am glad to hear you’ve found new friends, at least. Ominis, and that…”

“Sebastian,” she finished. 

“Sebastian, yes. Sound like they treat you well. I wouldn’t want anything different for you, my dear.” 

Diane patted her on the shoulder before standing. “I best be off, love. Your parents will be expecting you.” 

She sighed, nodding. 

The rest of the day passed as any spent in her home did. She had a silent breakfast with her parents, after which her father left for work. Her mother slipped away into the library, curled up reading. She thought it was the only similarity her and her mother shared. She herself went to her room, busying herself with whatever she could.

Time always dragged on in that house. Most of the servants and house elves stayed away and out of sight, just as her father had instructed them to. Diane was the only one who ever tried to do otherwise, but was usually kept busy by other things. There was no one to talk to. Nothing much to do but find idle ways to entertain herself. She felt like an animal in a cage, expected to do nothing but behave and stay quiet. 

She was always restless there, wanting to rip off the nice dresses and find somewhere to run. There was nowhere to breathe in that place. 

Her solace was the thought of seeing Ominis, and the letters they sent one another. Just as promised, he wrote every day, and she wrote back. 

They shared inside jokes and old stories, trying to keep one another out of the bad memories pressing in around them. The memories still came, of course, but at least she could wake up in the dead of night and pull his letters out from under her mattress to help her breathe. 

On Christmas Eve, her father denied her request to be excused from the table. She stayed sat without argument. 

He stood, the sound of his chair scraping harshly against the ground grating on her ears. “Before you retire, I feel the need to impress upon you the importance of tomorrow’s dinner.” 

She stared up at him, keeping her expression neutral. He took it as a sign to continue, starting to pace as he did. 

“Our arrangement with them is sound—for the most part. They have agreed to have you should you behave properly upon meeting them. They’ve heard rumors of the company you keep, the way you act when at school. But they’ve decided to forgive it, should you act well tomorrow night.”

They wanted to know if she was a beast that could be tamed. If her rebelliousness could be stomped out of her, if she would submit like an obedient child.  

Her father stopped his pacing, standing directly behind her and placing his hands on her shoulders. 

“You will act well,” He commanded, voice low. “You will prove to all of us your life has worth, if you would like to keep it.” 

Her mother across from her refused to meet her eyes, staring blankly down at her plate. She never hated her more. 

Her father leaned down, speaking into her ear. “Do you understand me?” His fingers dug into her, grip unrelenting. She swallowed a sound of pain before it could escape.

“Yes,” she breathed. 

He tightened his grip, just for a moment, then let go. “Good. You are dismissed.” 

She stood stiffly, and after the door of the dining room closed behind her, she caught herself on the wall. An ill feeling overtook every part of her, making her stomach twist and head ache. 

It was difficult, dragging herself up to bed that night and shedding the dress she’d been done up in. Finally, after shaking all the way, she curled up into her bed and sobbed. 

An animal in a cage. One they would do anything to tame. 

-

When Diane came in to dress her, she arrived carrying a gown she was sure was made just for tonight. She hated everything but the color. Intricate details of silver framed over the bodice and down the sleeves, gaudish and expensive. It was made in such a way that would make her the picture of desire, framing her every curve and giving her an air of untouchable elegance. It was awful. But the deep, emerald green reminded her of Slytherin robes, something she never thought she would find comforting. 

After a long while, she’d written Ominis in the night, telling him briefly what her father said. She would be safe, she promised, as long as they both went along with their parents. It would be ok. The letter she got from Ominis that morning was short, but she held it in her hand, reading over it whenever she felt her heart beat a little too fast. 

I do not think it will come to it, but if your father tries anything, I will not hesitate to fight. You won’t be staying there for the rest of break. I will find a way out of it. 

Please be safe. I will be there soon. 

Ominis

His handwriting was messier in that letter, the paper just a bit crumpled. He’d written it in haste, and that thought alone comforted her. 

I will be there soon. 

The house was a flurry of servants rushing about tripping over house elves, all of them desperate to clean and straighten every last inch of the place. It was excessive—she saw the entrance hall swept at least four times. She doubted they would have gotten so pressed if the visitors were swapped with the Minister of Magic himself. 

The hope she’d once felt about seeing Ominis now mingled with unease. What if she did do something wrong? What if Ominis tried to fight her father? The thought made her heart race. No, she’d do anything to prevent that. She’d play her part perfectly and not take any risks. 

Her father’s threats to her wouldn’t have mattered so much if she didn’t care for Ominis so, and that he cared for her in return. Because if she messed up, it was no longer just her who had something to lose.  It was a cruel trick of fate. Those soft feelings were being used to twist their arms behind their backs—and her father didn’t even know it. 

Her mother came up to her room at some point, speaking in that soft tone to remind her of the proper etiquette and manners she was meant to display. She struggled to remain attentive, her mother’s soft tone nearly lulling her to sleep. It wasn’t as if she was saying anything new, anyways—but it did set the precedent for what was expected of her. 

Then her mother saw the time and paled. 

“They will be here soon,” she said. “Straighten your hair and then come to the foyer. Quickly.” 

Her mother left, and she did as she was told. It suddenly seemed that everything was amiss. Her hair would sit right, no matter how many pins she put in it. And her dress would lie smooth against her. The face she saw in the mirror held an anxious expression, one she knew wouldn’t be welcome. It finally came to a point where she realized there was nothing else she could do. She took a deep breath, heading down the stairs and into the foyer where her father paced. 

She stood stiffly beside her mother, waiting in silence. Her heart pounded in her chest. She jumped with a servant threw open the door, announcing the arrival of the Gaunts. 

Holding her breath, she followed her parents into the entrance hall, and there he stood. His hands were clasped behind his back, and he stood straighter than she’d ever seen him. She spent a good moment looking at him before turning her eyes to his parents standing on either side of him. She didn’t like what she saw. 

His father, with pale skin and dark hair,  had the most naturally cruel face she had ever seen. Perhaps it was the slight sneer on his lips, or the way his brows drew together, but just the sight of him made her want to cower. The only similarity he shared with his son was the color of his eyes, a pale blue. But his were not inviting in the slightest. Where Ominis’s eyes were like a frozen lake sparkling in the moonlight, a subtle shine within, Mr. Gaunt’s were pure ice, full of nothing but the coldest indifference. 

When she turned to Mrs. Gaunt, she understood where Ominis got his good looks. With high cheekbones and long blonde hair, just the same as son, she looked regal standing there. However, the difference in her expression made the similarities fade into the background. Her full lips were set in what she could only describe as a pout, making her seem immature for the grown woman she was. 

The sight of them set her on edge, so she turned her gaze once again on Ominis, just so she could feel like she could breathe. His face was held in a practiced way she knew herself to be doing. His unseeing eyes stared past her, and she was filled with a sudden longing to approach him and hold his arm, just so he knew she was there. Seeing him with so much of his self erased to appease their parents broke her heart, just a little. But at the same time, it was him, and that was enough to put her at ease. 

Her silent observations were interrupted by the servant, extending his arm to gesture at their guests. “Mr. Cassius Gaunt, his wife Aurora, and their youngest son Ominis,” he announced. Mr. and Mrs. Gaunt stood stiff, but Ominis gave a practiced bow. Her parents returned the movement, she herself giving a curtsy. 

It was quiet while they were all led to the dining hall. She trailed back, just a little, just so she could be a step or two closer to Ominis. Would I recognize her footsteps here, like he did at Hogwarts? Would he still sense her through the unfamiliar floors and the taps of unusual shoes? 

They were led to their seats. Her father gave up his chair at the head of the table, and instead, the families sat across from each other, a show of being equals in this house. She was sat opposite of Ominis, and struggled not to stare at him as they were served. 

It was Mr. Gaunt who started conversation, a sign of the pecking order at the table. It was dull. Talk of the Ministry, and who was in line to be the next minister, whether or not they were supportive of acts to be passed protecting muggles, subtle flexes indicating who they had influence on. A ridiculous show, she thought, especially as she heard Mr. Gaunt’s claims when she knew he had no money to back him. Her father didn’t know that, though, and apparently neither did anyone in the Ministry. 

She kept her focus on her meal in front of her, trying to pay just enough attention to comment if she was called upon. 

“It’s a shame they have Mudbloods teaching at the school, don’t you think?” her father said, continuing off of a comment Mr. Gaunt had made about the types they let do more than scrub the floors at the Ministry. “It’s only that Phineas is there that I let her go at all.”

Mrs. Gaunt hummed in agreement. When she spoke, the stark contrast of her own mother’s voice shocked her. Every syllable wavered with emotion, as if she were on the verge of tears at all times. “It is such a worry each time we send our dear Ominis away! What things they might try to teach him—awful sorts. The absurdity of having an entire class dedicated to that filth…” 

She thought of her Muggle books and poems hidden away upstairs. Maybe she would stay up all night reading them, just to spite this awful woman. 

Mr. Gaunt set down his fork. The sound of it made silence fall across the table. “That is why we keep up with our own studies at home,” he said. A chill went through her. “We see to it that Ominis studies thoroughly. Don’t we, boy?” 

It was subtle—the way his jaw clenched and nostrils flared ever so slightly—but she saw it. “Yes, Father,” he answered. 

“You see, we are careful about what we let into our home. Into our line.” Mr. Gaunt’s cold eyes landed on her, and she felt like an item in a shop being assessed for its worth. “We wish to keep the integrity of our legacy. We will not have any who we fear might disgrace it.” 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ominis’s fist clench where it rested on the table. How she wished she could reach out and take it. Instead, she slid her foot forward under the table, letting it bump into his. He tensed for a moment, brows furrowing slightly, but upon realizing who it was, he relaxed. He brought his own foot alongside hers, and even that simple contact let her breathe a little easier. 

She heard her father take a deep breath from beside her. “Cassius, old friend, I don’t take the weight of your lineage lightly. You will find her to be a suitable match, I promise you. It would be an honor to let… to let my line end so that yours may flourish.” 

Mr. Gaunt gave a slow nod. “I’ve never doubted your resolution to this arrangement.” His eyes turned back to her. “But does she share that resolve, I wonder?” 

She swallowed hard, feeling the weight of his gaze. Her father spoke. “Of course she does. She understands.” 

“I think I’d like to hear it from her.” 

Her throat felt dry. Under the table, Ominis’s foot nudged against hers, giving her the strength to open her mouth. “I will keep the integrity of your line. It… it will be an honor to join your family.” 

The words made her stomach twist. She had to break her eye contact with him, afraid that his piercing gaze would tear her apart. 

He seemed satisfied at her statement, and turned to her father once more, bringing up the Averys’ oldest son and the shame he had brought upon them by marrying a muggle. She let out the breath she was holding as the attention shifted away from her. 

The rest of the dinner passed much the same, and as the company rose to move to the parlor, she saw her chance. 

Gathering her courage, she turned to her father. “Father, with the permission of Mr. Gaunt, I would love to give Ominis a tour of the grounds,” she said. Her eyes flicked between the two men, their frowns making her heart race. “With a chaperone, of course.” 

She saw Diane standing by the door of the kitchen, who gave her a small reassuring nod. Her father looked to Mr. Gaunt, who made no move to disagree. “Have Diane accompany you. Do not be too long.” 

She kept herself from smiling as Ominis offered his arm to her, allowing her to lead them to the door, Diane trailing behind them. He walked stiffly, but his warmth sept into her with each step they took away from the dining room. Finally, they pushed open the door outside, the cold winter air hitting them. She let go of his arm, jumping onto him to pull him into an embrace. 

He stuttered out her name, still stiff. “Your… your chaperone, we shouldn’t—”

“It’s alright, Ominis, it’s just Diane,” she said, not separating from him. 

It took him a moment, but then he understood. “Yes, that’s right. Diane. Your friend. Gods, I’ve been worried sick about you.” He finally relaxed, wrapping his arms around her. He held her close to him, and she closed her eyes as she took it all in. 

“I’m ok, I promise.” She pulled away, staring up at him. “Merry Christmas.” 

He chuckled. “Merry Christmas.” 

She took him by the hand, leading him to where Diane was standing. She had a grin on her face, looking between the two of them. “Diane, this is my friend Ominis.” 

Ominis held out his hand, which she took to shake. “It’s wonderful to meet you. I’ve heard good things about you, and I’d like to thank you for watching over her when I cannot.” 

Diane’s grin widened. “Of course. I’ve done it for seventeen years, I’ll look after her as long as I’m able. She has told me good things about you as well, my dear.” He smiled softly at that as Diane continued. “In the spirit of the holiday, I’ll give the two of you a gift—I’ll stay here. You go and wander the grounds. Just be back before I freeze to death.” 

She smiled, giving her a quick hug. “We won’t be long. Thank you.” 

Diane gave her a dismissive wave of the hand. “Get going, lovebirds.” 

She opened her mouth to argue, but Ominis took her arm before she could get a word out. He had his wand out so that he could direct them through the grounds. 

“I’d be wearing your scarf if my mother wouldn’t have burned it the moment she saw it,” he commented. 

She chuckled. “In that case, I’m glad you saved it from its untimely demise.”

He smiled. God, she’d missed that smile, even over the few days they’d been parted. “I would have insisted you make a new one, you know.” 

“And I would have done it.” 

He stopped walking, head tilting to face her more directly. “My siblings are coming to visit tomorrow. After that, I’m heading to Sebastian’s for the remainder of the holidays. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you come with me.” 

Her grip on his arm tightened. “That… I hope that works. It would be better if the request came from you or your family rather than me. I might have a fighting chance that way.” 

He pulled his arm away from her, coming to stand directly in front of her. His hands reached up, gently resting on her upper arms. “I meant what I said in my letter. I will fight for you. I’m sorry you said what you had to at dinner.” 

Her own hands reached in front of her, coming to play with his tie, running over the smooth fabric of it. “It was needed.”

“I wish it wasn’t. I wish all of this…” he trailed off, and she couldn’t stand the defeated expression on his face. 

“I know. Me too. But for now, we play along. It keeps us safe.”

“But does it really?” He sighed, shaking his head. “Every time we do something they want, we lose a bit of ourselves. How long until there’s nothing left?” 

“Ominis, listen to me.” She held his shoulders tightly. “Someday, we will get out of this. I promise. We’ll find somewhere safe to land, and we’ll do it together. We won’t lose ourselves along the way. I won’t let it happen.” 

One of his hands came to hold her wrist in a gentle grasp, his thumb tracing over the cold skin there. “I won’t either.”

A chill went through her as she felt the soft motion of his thumb. She realized suddenly how intimately they stood together. And how she didn’t dare move a muscle. 

He seemed hesitant to move, too. But finally he let go of her wrist. “I have something for you.” 

Her hands fell from his shoulders. “You have something?”

“I told you I’d get you a gift, didn’t I?” He dug around in his pockets before pulling out a small package. “I brought it in case I got the chance to give it to you. I’m glad I did. Merry Christmas.”

She took the package—a small box—and looked from it to him. 

He shifted on his feet. He was… anxious. “Come on, go ahead and open it. It’s not very kind to leave me standing here like a fool.” 

She chuckled, opening it. Her eyes widened. Inside, draped delicately on a bit of padding, sat a silver necklace. It was simple—a chain with a charm at the end. Picking it up, she took a closer look to see that it was in the shape of a piano. 

“Ominis…” 

“I do hope it’s alright,” he said, holding his hands behind him. “I couldn’t see it, obviously, but the shop owner told me it was well made. If it’s not something you’ll like, I could find—”

“It’s perfect, Ominis,” she interrupted, placing a hand on his arm. “It’ll remind me of you.”

He relaxed a bit, and it made her smile. “Good. I’m glad you like it.”

She lifted it out of the box, taking his hand in hers and placing it in it. His brows furrowed at her action. 

“I thought you just said—”

“I want some help putting it on, is all.” 

His mouth opened, as if to argue, but then he snapped it shut. “Turn around, then.”

She lifted her hair, facing her back to him. One of his hands skimmed over her shoulder, feeling to make sure he knew where she was. Then he brought the necklace up, crossing it in front of her and bringing the ends to the back of her neck. His fingers brushed against the skin there as he did the clasp, and she blamed the chill that ran through her on the cold. He let go of the chain, his hands lingering there for just a moment before pulling away. 

Turning around once more, she saw how soft Ominis’s expression had grown. There was a fondness there that she had never seen before. It made something catch in her throat. 

“Merry Christmas, Ominis,” she said, voice hardly more than a whisper. 

He smiled softly, reaching out to take her hands in his. “Merry Christmas, dearest.” 

-

A/N: Sorry this chapter took me a lot longer, the Big Sads (depression) decided to hit me so I had no motiviation to do anything. But I got over it and wrote this so that's neat! It's not my best, but it's something. I'll have something better for you next time, sorry this was a bit of a filler chapter.

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[marivoid]

Entry 30

Day 213

On my way through the Crashlands I met this odd fellow. It was under some... Unkind circumstances, but I'm grateful I met another person nonetheless.

However, I do wish we didn't meet trying to avoid ACID RAIN.

I still can't believe I have to write this out- Acid Rain?? Are you bloody serious?? What, am I going to learn that literal stars crash into the world as well?

(Actually, I take that back. I don't want to jinx anything like that being a possibility!)

But that is how I met this "Jevin" fellow. I had noticed the sky getting cloudy and had made a decent camp for the inevitable weather that was to come. However, this strange man came up to me about an hour before the rain actually came down.

"You don't plan on staying out here when it rains, I hope!"

"I don't see why not? It's good to see rain after so long. It's been nearly a year since I have seen rain out in the Crashlands! I'd like to collect a supply while I can!"

"There's a reason you haven't seen rain!" He had warned as he started to collect my bottles from the ground (despite my protests at the time.) "It pours freaking acid! The stuff can kill you if you're out for too long!"

"What?!"

"Yeah! It's one of the first rules of the Crashlands: Avoid the rain clouds! You didn't know that?!"

"Apparently not!"

We collected all my bottles I had laid out (only about five, but still a nuisance when three of them were glass) and he offered me a rain shelter for the night. (They're these small buildings made completely of tin! Apparently tin is resistant to the acid rain, so I'll make a note of that for future use.)

That's kind of where I am for the moment. Not a lot has happened since Keralis gave me the compass and map but I should be in Comparator City in just a couple of days. Hell, I should be able to see it by dusk tomorrow!

However... On a different note... This Jevin fellow is very interesting. His skin isn't like normal skin! It's transparent! And it holds a certain coldness to it? It's hard to understand. He's not a touchy kind of fellow either, seems to be more of a loner than anything.

The thing that has me thrown off the most is the skeleton. His skeleton is VISIBLE. Through his SKIN. It's... A bit unnerving. But also intriguing at the same time. What happened to him, I wonder?

A question for another day, I suppose.

MLW

G.U.I.D.E 67

[quills-of-freedom]

Headcanons ~

Wedding day 💕🎻

| Eren - Reiner - Levi - Jean - Erwin - Armin - Connie |

The day had finally arrived. The union of two souls to be forever entwined within the gracious loving bond of matrimony.

Eren 💕

You couldn’t actually believe Eren had proposed. Although he was down on one knee in front of your very eyes, your mind just wasn’t accepting it. Folks andd onlookers watched with bated breath, awaiting your answer. He sure kept this surprise hidden well…

Of course, you said yes and he picked you up by your waist in a spin, colliding his lips to yours.

And now here he was, watching you walk down the aisle, a lump in his throat and his heart racing.

You looked gorgeous, like something from a fairy tale.

And of course, he looked as handsome as ever. His suit was smart and his hair was up in its usual bun.

Armin is his best man, of course; who is standing and beaming with pride.

Eren holds back his chokes and tears as he reads his vows;

“Y/N… From the first time I ever laid eyes on you, all those years ago, I knew you would be in my life forever. Back then, I didn’t think it would be as my wife, but God I am so glad it is. I’m sorry for my stubbornness and irrational behaviour when we were young. But despite that you still loved, and stood by me and for that I’ll be eternally grateful. I vow to always stand beside you, whatever the world throws at us. I vow to hold you when you need support. I vow to remember how you always had my back no matter what. And I vow to always love you, with my heart and soul, until the day I die and after.”

The room erupts in cheers and tears when you seal your kiss.

The reception is wild.

Everyone is drunk (except Levi) and dancing. Reiner and Connie are dancing like weirdos, Reiners blazer removed and at one point Connie is on his shoulders.

Sasha has too much to drink and is spewing in the bathroom.

Mikasa can’t stop crying with happiness and pride.

He carries you to your room afterwards where you spend all night sealing a special bond that will never be broken.

Reiner 💕

Reiner wanted to marry you from the get go. He’s a passionate man and when he loves, he loves.

So when he pops the question, boy does he go extra.

Reiner took you to a secluded spot for a picnic on a cliffside. After you’d had eaten and chilled for a while he tells you to stand back. This crazy mf then pulls out a dagger and leaps off the cliff, transforming into his Titan form.

You feel a little scared. Not because you think he’d hurt you but A) wtf is he doing and B) It feels weird seeing a shifter transform when you don’t have your gear.

He steps up onto the cliff and gets on one knee in his Titan form. He gets out with his ring in hand and kneels in front of the empty casing of the armoured titan.

“All this power, yet you can still bring me to my knees. Y/N, I love you. Will you marry me?”

Cheesy, but that’s Reiner for you.

He kisses you desperately and tears form in his eyes when you accept.

Now he has tears streaming down his face, holding in sobs as he sees you walking towards him in your dress. The odd uncontrolled cry does escape his lips when you get closer. He palms the tears away and smiles with the biggest grin when you reach him.

He pulls it together a little for his vows but he does take sharp intakes of breath.

“I never believed in love at first sight, until I met you. No matter what doubts I had back in Cadets, they were always surpassed by my feelings for you. And when you told me you loved me too, it was incomprehensible that I would turn you away, given the circumstances. Y/N… You still loved me when I left. You loved me at my worst. You picked me up from the gutter, dusted me off and rose me up again. I vow to always love you with my entire being. I vow to protect you against any ill will towards you. Back then, I couldn’t dedicate my heart to the cause. But I vow to dedicate my heart to you.”

If Bertolt isn't alive in your universe, Jean is his best man and either way, they’re both pulling a tight face to stop themselves crying.

He carries you out of the venue after you kiss, confetti and cheers all around.

The reception is just like Eren's. Absolutely wild. Dancing. Drinking. Laughter and tears.

That night you seal your soul bound contract with hours and hours of mind-blowing love making.

Levi 💕

Levi had been thinking of proposing for a long time. In fact you thought the day would never come. He likes to be totally sure and take things slow. So when he got on one knee at a fancy restaurant you were blown away.

The only time he’s ever shown PDA was when you said yes and he kissed you with such passion, the other diners applauding in celebration.

He doesn’t cry when he sees you in your dress, Erwin stood by him as his best man. But his eyes do glisten and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

“Y/N… I know I’m not the best at verbalising my feelings but please know if anything that I am completely devoting myself to you. I will always love you. I will always take care of you and protect you. I will always support your desires in life and walk this earth with you. This, I swear.”

Hange is sobbing so loud when you kiss.

The reception for you wedding with Levi is a little more classy. There’s fine foods and ballroom dancing. Speeches are refined and dignified and throughout the entire thing Levi can not keep his eyes off you.

You guys break the bed when you make love that night.

Jean 💕

Jean was a nervous wreck when he proposed to you. The entire time he was fumbling with the ring box in his pocket, his hands dampening with sweat.

You knew something was amiss but when you asked he shrugged it off. You were both on a walk when he suddenly took your hand and got down on one knee.

He choked back tears when you said yes.

He’s crying at the alter though regardless of how hard he tries not to. He’s so damn proud of you it’s overwhelming as you gorgeously glide down towards him, Connie his best man if Marco isn’t alive in your universe.

He’s a blubbering mess when it comes to the vows finding it hard to vocalise himself properly.

“Y/N, you make me the happiest man there ever was. I am so proud to have you by my side and to now call you my wife. You’re my everything and more. You love me when I’m not being the smartest man, or the most patient. And for that I give you my all. I vow to treat you the way you deserve. I vow to never take you for granted. I vow to always protect you and hold you when life is wearing you down. I love you, y/n and (unintelligible) forever…”

Jean tries to have a more dignified reception but with friends like these… Pretty impossible.

But he wouldn’t change it for the world as he sits back and watches the people he loves the most, together and happy.

He cries again at your first dance.

You seal your marriage with the steamiest and most passionate love making known to man.

Erwin 💕

Like Levi, Erwin has a taste for the finer things and takes you out for a meal at a really fancy restaurant. He won’t propose there though.

Like Reiner, this man likes to be extra.

After dinner you take a stroll and end up outside of the scout regiment HQ in Trost. While you’re walking through the courtyard of the barracks, you’re surprised to see well dressed people emerge from inside buildings playing the violins.

You turn to Erwin to see him down on one knee with the ring.

The entire barracks erupt in applause when you say yes and he picks you up into a kiss.

Erwin doesn’t cry at the alter but seeing you softens his gaze and a warm smile spreads across his face, Levi beside him as best man.

“Y/N, I am the luckiest man alive to have you as my own, and I will cherish every fleeting moment. You love and accept me for who I am and stand by decisions I’ve made, even when I doubt myself. I swear to forever treat you as the queen you are, by my side, in our kingdom. I swear my heart will always be loyal to you and you alone. You are the beam that holds this chin up high, and I will always be yours.”

Like Levi’s reception, yours with Erwin is extremely refined.

Top class champagne, the finest foods and beautiful classics music.

Your first dance with him has everyone in awe as he twirls you with such skill, a talent not many knew he had.

You will not be able to walk for days after you make love that night, having pulled out all the stops for you.

Armin 💕

Armin had been planning your proposal for months.

He went super extra and planned it all out meticulously down to the tiniest detail. It was a whole day event. Clues, gifts, leading up to a scavenger hunt where he was awaiting nervously with the ring.

He actually couldn’t believe his ears when you said yes.

Armin cries at the alter. It’s less of a sob like Reiner and Jean, more like silent tears streaming down his face.

Of course, Eren is his best man.

“I didn’t think I would ever be standing here today, uttering these words. I didn’t think that I, of all people, would be marrying someone as perfect as you, Y/N. You bring so much joy to my life, so much laughter and love I could never write down in words how much you mean to me. I, Armin Arlert, vow to always remain by your side through thick and thin. I vow to take care of you if you get sick and to encourage and support you in all of your life’s endeavours. For now and forever, this I swear.”

The reception is more chilled than the others. Laid back and easy going. No one gets too hammered but it’s still just an amazing night with your loved ones.

Your first dance is so sweet, his eyes are closed with a warm smile the entire time as he holds you close and sways to the music.

If you thought Armin was a dark horse before, you ain’t seen nothing til the wedding night.

Yes. He broke the bed.

Connie 💕

God bless his pure soul because Connie tried so hard to make it perfect. He managed to pull it off by some miracle, despite the snowballing nerves that consumed him.

He took you out to dinner and bought you your favourite flowers. The words “Will you marry me?” Were spread out on the table when you returned from the restroom, by petals.

He cried when you said yes.

And he is a sobbing mess at the alter. Jean is his best man, elbowing him and hissing to pull himself together.

But he just can’t believe how lucky he is to have you as a wife.

“Y/N, you can’t believe how happy you make me. Every stupid thing I’ve done, every dumb thing that comes out of my mouth and you’re still there, loving me. I can’t begin to explain how much that means to me. How much you mean to me. I promise I will always treat you like it’s our first date. I’ll forever hold your hand when you need me to. And I promise I’ll write down important dates so I never forget and swear I will not disappoint you, my love.”

The wildest wedding party known to man.

Everyone is off their face drunk. Wild dancing. Food fights. Galore.

There was even arm wrestling at one point.

He can not get over that he has you. This sweet man is quite possibly the happiest man on earth.

You guys didn’t just break the bed that night. The chair, the ottoman and somehow the f'ing wardrobe???

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. I am the friendliest person ever so don’t be shy to drop me a request or ask.