#and also the hc of scott losing everything ever since he was a kid and then adam went missing

[lucifer-kane]

i'd say i wanna put scott tibbs in a rock tumbler but honestly i think i wanna put him into a psychiatrist and or therapists chair and make him grow

[gordvendomewhore]

Hey could do some headcanons for Bif Taylor? It can be about dating or just general stuff about him thank you

hey anon!!! thank you so so much for sending this request in! it was lots of fun to work on this lmao i LOVEEE bif and had to hold myself back from making this TOO long haha

also, i’m SO sorry it’s taken forever to finish this omg, my mini hiatus was not planned at all, but i’m back now!

i did a mix of regular headcanons and dating headcanons so i hope that everything is satisfactory :))

with the dating ones, i tried to make them realistic because well,, yknow relationships aren’t all sunshine and rainbows

but yes!!! i hope you enjoy reading this <333

bif headcanons

bif used to be TINY.

he was pea sized, a child, a BABY, he could snap him like a twig if the wind blew too hard

but yeah he was short lol

derby was taller than him for the majority of their childhood, and 100% used it to tease bif lmao

but in eighth grade, bif grew so much that he was basically,,, unrecognizable.

i like this headcanon a lot, like A LOT, but honestly i also really like imagining that bif was always just naturally tall yknow??

but bif being short as a kid is more close to canon since bif has a voice line referring to his height haha

other than derby, i think that bif is closest with chad and bryce

they all bond quite well over boxing, especially since these three are more dedicated to the sport compared to the other preps (at least in my opinion 😳)

i also think that,,, in a weird way, they’re the most “grounded” preps? like they’re all still stuck up and narcissistic, but to a slightly lesser degree than the others

they’re just,,,chill. you know?

it’s more in their personality and attitude rather than their morals lmao

bif knows basic bartending

as a kid he had tons of time on his hands; all rich kids do, despite having endless amounts of money for any piece of entertainment they could ever desire

but i guess when you have everything you could ever want, it all loses value, yeah?

so yeah, he fucked around in his father’s bar, and learned a few things along the way

it’s not really a useful skill to have, since bif is obviously never going to have a career as a bartender and since he also has servants to make drinks for him

but it’s something that gets him further on derby’s good side

yknow, since bif is basically just derby’s piss bitch

dating headcanons

god pwease forgive me for these shitty HCs

bif is the PERFECT person to share a bed with during winter. he’s nothing but pure muscle mass, so cuddling with bif basically means you get your own personal heater LMAO

but,,,, pray for yourself during summer.

bif is the type of guy who’d pull out the fisticuffs when his s/o were hurt, even if there wasn’t any person who specifically hurt his partner (like if they had just tripped over a rock lol)

now, this can be attractive feature because wow!!1!1! big strong man protecting me and being BUFF!!1!1!!1!

but please, unnecessary violence is not cute and honestly very toxic in real life

examples include: BOTH edward and jacob from twilight, noah flynn from the kissing booth, hardin scott from after, and christian grey from 50 shades of grey

psssst, spoiler alert! all of those fictional love interests are incredibly toxic

(and overall horribly written and underdeveloped but everyone already knows that)

i’m just including this because one, it’s bully and literally EVERYONE fights, and two, because it’s in character for bif, whether or not it’s a conventional trait to have

he would just,,, loom over you

tbh i don’t think bif is the touchy feely type, even though it would be cute sigh

hmm i don’t think ANY of the preps are considering their upbringing and personalities as a whole (maybe with the exception of one or two but i’ll talk about that more another day lol)

so i can’t see bif constantly being all touchy, or initiating physical intimacy with his s/o a lot

but he has those body guard tendencies baybee, so he’ll always be at your side giving you company and sending deadly glares to anyone looking your way 😎

but despite this last point, if your love language has to do with physical affection, he’ll be happy to provide!!

you just gotta understand that,,, it’s not exactly his thing

his love language, along with most likely ALL the preps, is gift giving!

he was raised to believe that giving gifts was the key way of showing your appreciation for someone’s value in your life, so bet your ASS he’s spending money on you

and that’s it!! thank you for reading and im SO sorry this is so long omg i currently don’t have access to a computer so i can’t add a read more!

feel free to send any requests you have 💕💕

[milkmoneyzine]

Who the fuck do you think you are? #5

We’ve done five of these already? Wow, you guys can’t get enough of this stuff. Or maybe you’ve already had enough, and we just don’t care. Probably the latter, but we’re still in quarantine mode, and we’ve gotta pass the time somehow. So! On to your questions.

@DarthVaderFromPlanetVulcan asks: Will you please review Huey Lewis & The News’ new EP, Weather?

M$: Huey Lewis and the News is known for two things: AMERICAN PSYCHO and BACK TO THE FUTURE. You might think they’re also known for the GHOSTBUSTERS theme song, but that’s actually Ray Parker Jr. The producers went after Lewis first, but he declined. When they couldn’t get him, they hired Parker Jr., and told him that they wanted the GHOSTBUSTERS theme to sound like a Huey Lewis song. He took that suggestion a little too seriously, and delivered something that sounded almost exactly like Lewis’ song “I Want a New Drug.” There was a lawsuit and everything. The GHOSTBUSTERS theme is better, if you’re wondering.

Anyway.“Hip to Be Square” and “The Power of Love” are all-time classics. Those songs basically define what the 80’s were like, and Huey Lewis was a god among men in 1987. But it’s 2020, and even though we’re all stuck in isolation, no one cares about a new Huey Lewis record. It’s got some decent bits, and it’s a bummer that Lewis’ hearing declined so much that they couldn’t actually finish it, but it’s just not the same. No one wants to hear the new stuff. Just play the hits, man. That’s literally the only thing we’re here for. We can’t wait to be at that stage of our career—probably without the fame or success though.

Anyway.

“Hip to Be Square” and “The Power of Love” are all-time classics. Those songs basically define what the 80’s were like, and Huey Lewis was a god among men in 1987. But it’s 2020, and even though we’re all stuck in isolation, no one cares about a new Huey Lewis record. It’s got some decent bits, and it’s a bummer that Lewis’ hearing declined so much that they couldn’t actually finish it, but it’s just not the same. No one wants to hear the new stuff. Just play the hits, man. That’s literally the only thing we’re here for. We can’t wait to be at that stage of our career—probably without the fame or success though.

@OnlyTrueBelievers asks: FMK - Despair, Buried Alive, Terror

M$: Scott Vogel may not be a hardcore icon, but his name has to come up in the discussion at the very least. He’s earned that much.

Now there are two ways to think about Vogel.

First, if there were a “Lead Singer” draft, and your new band had an early pick, he definitely goes in the first round. Maybe he’s not the overall Number 1, but he doesn’t fall out of the Top 10. He’s a workhorse, and has all the connections to get that new band well positioned for the future. Listen to his suggestions, let him lead the way, and you’ll be on tour forever.

The second way might be a little more accurate. Vogel is like a seasoned politician—maybe a well-regarded Senator, or a popular Congressman. He’s been actively involved in hardcore since like 1993, knows how the game is played, and he’s fucking GREAT at town halls and rallies (aka club shows and festivals). When you get down to it, though, and start looking a little deeper at his campaign speeches (his lyrics), they don’t really mean anything. He definitely follows the Jamey Jasta approach to songwriting in that his catchphrases are phenomenal, and they sound awesome when you’re shouting them into the mic at the top of your lungs, but they’re pretty generic. If you’re a young straight edge kid, and don’t know anything about Vogel as a person, you can easily interpret those lyrics as an anthem for your anti-drug beliefs. If you’re an old guy who doesn’t give a fuck about straight edge, has probably crushed a few beers with Vogel, and loves the sancity of the hardcore scene, he’s speaking directly to you. That’s the hallmark of a great frontman and a great politician: say as much as you can, without actually saying anything and you’ll be in a position of power for the next 30 years. Vogel has that shit on lock.

That’s a lot of sidetracking for what was, honestly, a pretty easy question. Fuck Despair, Marry Buried Alive, and Kill Terror. The first Buried Alive record is still one of our favorite HC albums, and we want to be close to it forever. Despair is the band you brag about. It’s not fair, but someone had to lose in this scenario. If “Keepers of the Faith” has to die so that “The Death of Your Perfect World” and “One Thousand Cries” can prosper forever, so be it. Vogel will be fine. He’s always been an underdog, anyway.

@DefinitelyNotTheProphet asks: Can Mormons really be straightedge? M$:

@StickToHardrock asks: If there were an election for Governor of Hardcore and Mayor of Straight Edge, who would they be?

M$: This is something that we think about a lot, for no real reason. The first time it came up (for us, anyway) was way back in 2001. A bunch of us went to Syracuse, New York for Hellfest. The lineup was stacked*, headlined by Earth Crisis playing their final show** on the last night.

The first day we got to town, we went out to eat. Agreeing on a place to eat with 25 people is damn near impossible, because no one wants to split up, and risk being in the group that’s less fun than the other one. FOMO is a serious thing amongst friends. After about an hour of arguing, a few of the locals stepped in, led the way, and we all followed. There were only a handful of us that were vegan, and looking over the menu, there didn’t seem to be anything for us to eat.

“I don’t see any vegan options,” I (Trevor) said. “Do you know if they have any?”

“Oh, I didn’t think about that,” said one of the locals. “You might have to go to the grocery store around the corner.”

“No vegan options?” said Brandon. “This is Syracuse.”

“I thought Karl from Earth Crisis was the mayor of this city,” said Brook.

“He’s allowing businesses that don’t have vegan options? That’s kind of bullshit,” I said.

“Pretty shitty mayor,” said Brook. “Probably won’t get re-elected.”

None of the locals laughed, and were convinced that we thought Karl from Earth Crisis was actually the mayor of the city.

Ever since, whether it’s on long tour drives, late night games of 31, or parking lot hangout sessions well after a show has ended, we’ve debated who would be the Governor of Hardcore, and The Mayor of Straight Edge. We still don’t know the answer. But seeing as how it’s an election year, let’s throw down the gauntlet, and open it up to suggestions.

Maybe we have a primary and then a general? I don’t know. We’ll figure this out on Twitter and Facebook over the next couple of weeks. Get those nominations in.

*I forgot just how stacked this show was until I found the setlist. Holy shit.

**No hardcore band will ever have a final show. They’re all like professional wrestlers, in that they’ll just quietly disappear for a little while before making a less than stellar comeback every few years until someone actually dies.