#and also thank you for your patience! I've been bad about answering asks lately so I promise it's not you

[bookwyrminspiration]

Could you talk about the relationship between keefe and Grady and how it could evolve?

Absolutely I could, thank you for your patience! Notably, we've recently seen a huge step between the two of them with Grady beginning to train Keefe in his new ability, something that almost feels unreal given how much people spoke about this prior to it actually happening.

Right now, I think Keefe reminds Grady of himself. They're on similar journeys, but one Grady is much further along, and that's set the scene for a large percentage of their interactions. Maybe Keefe is a troublemaker, maybe he's not good, but he's hurting. And he's hurting in ways that are familiar to him, ways that are an echo of his own pain from centuries past. So Grady is setting aside some of his reservations for the chance to do him so good, to connect with him in a way that no one else is capable of.

From Keefe's perspective, I think this is more about being accepted as part of Sophie's life than about the training. Instead of being pushed away from her family, now there's a bridge. For once, something he's doing (his fondness and presence in her life) isn't a rebellion; he's not breaking the "rules" to do it, it's accepted (if with a bit of grumbling). A bond with Grady is like permission to be in her life, you could argue.

However, this is all new and tenuous, so there's room to grow and evolve. Interaction beyond training, for Grady to learn who Keefe is without the bias of seeing him as a troublemaker. For Keefe to see him as someone to learn from and respect instead of as another authority figure to skirt around and rebel against. I think there's opportunity for the two to really learn from each other, and to potentially even form a more familial bond. They're very likely going to have the time to do so if Keefe starts hanging around Havenfield even more to see Sophie. He'll become part of the family and Grady will learn to appreciate him, even if he's exasperated at times--at least that's where they seem to be heading

I'm curious to see what becomes of the two of them, so thank you for asking :)

[oonajaeadira]

i was rereading a GTTT chapter and Patricio has just been in my mind rent free, creeping in from daydreams in places i should not be daydreaming. So I’ve got a PATS question for you. How would Patricio and Reader navigate the issue of him being too drained sexually when Reader is needy?

Hello, lovely.

First of all, I want to apologize for the long hiatus I've taken on Pats and Pres. This ask--and many more--have been sitting in my inbox for far too long and I'd like to think that answering late is better than never. Thank you for your patience with me!!!

This is a very interesting question and it sparked some over-arching thoughts. I have half an answer for you here--from his point of view, and therefore the "drained" part of it. Pres may not seem too needy here, but look to the next installment for more on that.

Also, a non-apology here to everyone.

For so long I've made you believe that Patricio is confident, in control...or at least in denial about it when he's not. But he's growing. Changing. There may be more vulnerability here than you want and much less sexy times. Not everyone has a good day every day.

Kiss and Tell: Everyone's Allowed a Bad Day (GTTT PATS)

FANDOM: Calls - Apple TV (PATS is a character from ep. 3. “Pedro Across the Street.” This is not RPF.)

As with all of my PATS installments, warnings abound for explicit content. (This one's much tamer than most.)

(gif by cavill-henry)

It’s nights like these that he sometimes wished he smoked. He’ll pour himself a drink once the client wakes up and leaves, but he doesn’t want her to catch it on his breath.

Bourbon. Bath. Bed. Maybe something short and calm on streaming. There’s a new cowboy film just dropped by that Spanish director looks good. 

Leaning on the kitchen counter and staring out across the silent living room, he contemplates the novel you left on the coffee table. Wonders if you’re missing it.

It occurs to him that he could call you. He can do that now. He doesn’t need a reason anymore, but even if the reason is a rough day…actually, maybe that’s even more reason to call you. In fact, he really should ask you–

His phone vibrates on the countertop and he frowns. It’s your pattern and his heart races a little, not only because it’s you, but thinking he’s been lost in thought too long, that he’s missed the three-hour mark. But a flip of the phone shows him he’s got 20 minutes to go. 

Odd. It’s not like you to interrupt a session.

“Hey, muñeca, everything okay?” he mumbles, stepping barefoot out onto the front porch in nothing but his sweatpants.

Your voice sounds far away, “Oh shit,” before a riffling sound and then a clearer, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hit dial. I didn’t know I did. I was going to call and then I saw the time…I know you’re in the middle of a session, oh loverboy I’m so sorry–”

Just the sound of your voice is an instant balm. “It’s okay, it’s okay, she’s sleeping. I was actually just thinking about calling you.”

“Oh, really?” There’s something there behind your fluster, hiding among the smile in your voice, something that he might not have noticed if you hadn’t said you meant to call.

“Something you wanted to call me about?”

There’s a sound in the background. An announcement. You’re in public. “Um, no, not really. I just had a lonely moment, that’s all.”

“Well that’s an ego boost. You wanna come spend the night?”

There’s a pause. Shocked, judging by your voice. “Really? On an appointment night?”

He scratches his head and focuses on his feet as he aimlessly paces the porch. “Sure. I mean, if like a quarter after ten isn’t too late for you to drive just to go to bed.”

“With the weather shifting and how warm you run? It’s never too late to say yes to a heated bed.”

He smiles. “Glad I can be of service.” There's silence from you and he cringes. “Shit. Not you– not– Was that a bad choice of word?”

“No. It’s just–”

“Hey. I want you here tonight. I wanna talk to you.” Another silence. He supposes that sounds ominous. It shouldn’t. “You know, here. Not…on a phone.” He’s still not good at this. 

“That sounds nice…. You, uh, need anything? I’m at the grocery store.”

“No. Just you.” It feels good to say. Right. It’s what’s needed to break what feels like an odd tension into a few comfortable, mutually smiling moments. “So. The grocery store. And you’re feeling lonely. At a grocery store.”

Your laughter--hushed but musical--is kept close to the phone. “Well I am standing in produce and they just got in some preeeeeetty nice looking eggplants.”

“Wow.”

Another laugh, less hushed, throatier. “Okay, I’m sorry! I’ll let you get back to your work. I assume you’ve got a sleeping beauty to wake up.”

Pulling the phone away from his face for a timecheck, he winces. “Yeah. I’ll see you in 20?”

“I’d say I can’t wait, but you know that I will.”

Wow. “I know and I…”Something sweet twists inside. “I know.”

After you hang up he stands a minute more on the porch in the dark. The leaves are almost all off the trees now, the crickets are gone. His feet are freezing and the skin on his torso is goosebumping; doing its best–and failing–to lift his fine hairs to shield him from the autumn chill. But it’s far from unpleasant and he finds that he’s awake for the sensation in a way he hasn’t been in a while.

He’s alive again in a way he hasn’t been in a while.

The last couple of months have been…nothing short of amazing.

He should tell you that. He should say it.

But he’s got to get to that point where…he accepts it. 

Not the relationship…the fact that there’s always a possibility it’s too good to be true, that he could lose it. He could lose you.

You’re handling everything so well, but for how long? How long until you make him choose?

Oh fuck, please don’t make me choose, preciosa, please.

The phone buzzes in his hand. Timer; no need to look, just thumbs the button to silence. On another night, he’d allow himself more time, let the client sleep while he mused. But he’s got a job to do. 

And someone special arriving soon.

So he packs these thoughts away and goes quietly inside to prepare.

________

He’s just poured the detergent in the washing machine when he hears the door open. “Hey, I’m just cleaning up, gimme a second.”

Out in the entry, your shoes clatter on the floor and then your keys jingle on the kitchen counter and before he knows it you’re on him, topless and crowding him against the washing machine, kissing him like he’s just come back from war. It’s jarring but pleasant and full of hungry sighs…until there’s a ping in his calf muscle.

“Ooh, hey, Pres, hey hey, hang on.” Taking your face in his hands he calms, he whispers, he soothes you in order to soothe himself, but you catch on instantly, concern splashing over you.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

A kiss to the tip of your nose, to your smart little nose. “No, no, I’m a little sore; just had a difficult session–a difficult day, actually. And I haven’t showered yet. So don’t get yourself too worked up here. You don’t want me like this.”

He expects you to recoil from this, to find the sex with someone else still lingering on his skin. You don’t.

You simply run your hands over his sides, lean in to kiss his chin. “Of course I do. I want you like whatever you are.”

You’re backlit from the kitchen and there’s something like a soft halo around you, bringing a glow to the roll of your cheeks, the swipe of your lip. Tracing these with a finger and finding himself reflected in your eyes, he trusts you, accepts this, tries to see himself like you do. How are you so effortless?

There’s nothing but surrender when you rake your fingers through his beard and push yourself up onto tiptoe to press a warm kiss to his forehead. “But if you really feel that way, beautiful, let me run you a bath.” 

Everytime he opens his eyes and you’re there, it's like a small miracle.

“Come on,” you smile, taking his hand and guiding him to the stairs, “let me take care of you and you can tell me about your day.”

You’re perfect. He’s so grateful he picked up the phone tonight when he did.

________

“Mmmmm, that’s good.” The sigh comes up from his bottom wells, like a contented creature crawling out of hidden caverns within. The back of his head rests in your palm, warm water spilling over his scalp. Your hands whisper and calm and soothe. He spends so much time using his touch to bring relaxation to others that he’d all but forgotten that it could go the other way. And your touch–

“So there was some heavy lifting tonight, huh?” Your finger lightly wipes away an errant rivulet from the corner of his eye. “Ness, right?”

The ghost of irritation looms. “Mmm. She has a pretty severe tailbone injury. Didn’t tell me about it before she showed up. Lot of full-body lifting on the table just to get her in the right positions for stretch.”

“I see. You’ll feel it tomorrow. And sore tailbone means no actual sex tonight.”

“Oh no, we had some fun. She’s got weeks of recovery ahead of her and she needed some practice re-routing some natural orgasm responses to different muscle groups when she ejaculates.”

“Ejaculates? She…? Ohhh.” A loving hand begins to wander lightly over his chest. “I assumed. My bad.”

“Sorry. Should have been more clear. But yeah.”

“No need to apologize. I don’t know why I hadn’t just assumed that you…took all forms of payment.”

He peeks an eye open to catch your reaction as you reach over the side of the tub toward him and finds your warm, curious smile. “Not to disparage the vaginal anatomy, but sometimes it’s nice to have my dick handled by someone who has a lifetime experience with their own.”

“Noted. Fair.”

Closing his eyes and sinking into the warm bath of your care a lifetime goes by with your hands running over his skin.

“You’re very accommodating.”

A kiss lands on his temple. “Wait until you realize I’m terribly selfish and am in it for the rewards points.” When his smile fades, your hands slow. “That was a joke.”

“I know.” Sensing a shift in tone coming when he turns to you, you instinctively pull back, but he catches your hand in his, pulling it in to place a wet kiss to your knuckles. “Would you mind if I don’t want to have sex tonight?”

“Of course. That’s okay.” A half-smile. Are you covering disappointment?

“I’m more than happy to go down on you if you–”

But a shake of your head stops him. “No, it's fine. I can tell you’re tired. You said you had a hard day. Wanna tell me about it while we get you dried off and into bed?”

He feels like a child as he simply nods, allows you to help him up, succumbs to you as you care for him. It’s easy to do, to melt under your attention, to crack open and spill. He does his best not to control the spread as he generalizes a failed report at work, a difficult project he’s fallen behind on. By the time you’re sliding into the sheets and curling up next to him, he’s breaching the topic he’s been deciding and undeciding and deciding again to tell you about–that his mother called without warning.

“She wants to meet you.”

Your breathing stills in the darkness. “You told your mom about me.”

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I..” you stutter, “I guess I didn’t… I’m flattered that you talk about me?”

There’s a pang of guilt that he’s let you believe you’re not important enough for him to tell the world that you’re in his life. But he sighs as you squeeze your arm around his middle. “You might feel differently if you met her.”

“Are you kidding? I’d love to meet your…is it just your mom?”

“And my father. I have an older brother but he lives in Australia. Doesn’t go home much.”

“Home issssSantiago?”

“Just outside of it. Rancagua.”

Another squeeze. Perhaps that was a lie; your arm around him and the brush of your lips on his shoulder feels like his true home now. 

“So this call was stressful because she wants to meet me. And you’re nervous?”

“The call was stressful because…I don’t…want her to meet you.” Your squeeze lightens a bit and he slides his grip over your arm in case you decide he’s awful and want to pull away. He knows he should let you go if you want to but– “I wanted to ask you, Pres…I’m sorry I don’t know if I can ask this much from you but–”

It almost breaks his heart when your arm slides through his hand, when your warmth leaves his side, when you abandon him…

But it’s only for the time it takes to hear the click of the bedside lamp, register the bright sting and spill of light, and you’re back beside him, leaning over him, turning his face to yours with one patient hand on his cheek. “What’s going on. I’ve never seen you like this.”

Shit. Get it together.

“You’re going to think I’m a fucking jerk–”

“Don’t tell me what you think I’m going to think, sir. Tell me what you need from me. Just say it.”

This leaves him with depleted gambling chips, raises the stakes. But you’re right. He has to be honest.

“The relationship I have with my family is…strained. That’s why I live here and not there. I see them somewhat regularly, but the holidays are when the whole family gets together–all the cousins–and it’s just a lot. There’s a lot that’s expected, a lot of judgements…it’s overwhelming. I can barely make it through myself, but having you there? Watching you be scrutinized on top of it when we’re just figuring this out? I just…no.”

“You know I won’t tell them–”

“It’s not that, fuck, it’s not that.” He surges in for a kiss, taking you in deep, willing you to understand him by osmosis; if only… “Every time I’ve gone down for the holidays it’s stressful enough…it’s…it’s bad enough that I’m away from my clients, but–”

“But under stress the itch gets worse. And you don’t have your outlet. And you’re not in control.”

Oh god, you see him. You see him and he’s so…fucking pathetic.

The last thing he expects is for you to pepper kisses along his mouth and chin, to dot a lingering one on his cheek before pulling him into your chest, to cradle him, breathe into his hair.

But it’s exactly what you do.

“What do you need, beautiful boy? Anything you want.”

He breathes. Sighs. Curses himself for doubting you, for assuming you wouldn’t surprise him. Allows you to hold the weight of his heart on your own without a spotter.

“I need to…not do the ‘meet the family’ thing this year. I just want you to myself for a while.”

A hum of sympathy, of bittersweetness, one that stakes his heart into the ground at your feet. “Oh Patricio. Is that all?” Your breast moves under his cheek as you lean over to turn off the light, your soft curves and soft scent and soft hum whispering to him, calming him, soothing him into you. “I’ll admit that I’m a little sad that I don’t get to show you off to my family, but I definitely see the appeal of a quiet holiday season, just us hiding away from the world together. You want me to yourself? Did you really think I would find that anything but absolutely wonderful?”

All at once, the strains of the day overtake him, the need to say more is gone and took his energy to do so right along with it. A whole lifetime of relief in just an hour. That’s your secret power. Always has been. He cannot think of words more meaningful than, “Thank you.”

Your fingertips begin their pattern of affection along his jaw, tattooing a spell of sleep through him. “This really means a lot to you, huh.” He’s too gone to get his voice to work and it seems you assume he’s fallen asleep. “Well you mean the world to me. You don’t even know, mister.”

It’s not worth the effort to drag himself from the downward pull of dreams to ask you to say more about that. Not when he knows you’ll be right here in the morning and he can ask you then.

Or say the same thing right back to you.

Maybe this time he’ll find a way to do that.

______

MASTERLIST

SERIES MASTERLIST

[perfectlyvalid49]

Hello! Thank you so much for your patience in talking to and teaching people out here on this wild west internet. ❤️ As a poorly-informed goy, I've learned things! And I was hoping you could elaborate on one of those things, so I don't accidentally Do a Bad.

So, context: one of the things I love learning about the most is mythology, mysticism, esoterica, and religion, especially the history thereof. This generally isn't for the purpose of practicing anything in particular - magical or religious - but just because I love these topics. Lately I've been diving into the history of Christianity and Judaism, and I've noticed that one of the youtube channels I've been enjoying the most (Esoterica, which is run by a Jewish man) has videos on Kabbalah.

And therein lies the question - until I encountered your blog, I didn't even know that Kabbalah was an extant practice and had restrictions inside of Judaism itself, though I did know that Judaism is a closed religion. (Oops! I haven't gotten to the Middle Ages or Renaissance in my current studies yet.) So I guess what I want to ask is, is it only the practice of Kabbalah by unqualified people that is taboo, or is the knowledge of the practice also forbidden? Because while I would love to learn about it (it would be fascinating to see how it influenced Renaissance Alchemy!), it isn't something truly necessary to me in any way, and I don't want to be accessing knowledge that I oughtn't. Do you know the answer?

Thank you so much, and sorry for the long, weird question! I hope you're having a good day!

Hi! I’m glad you find what I have to say informative; it’s always nice when someone appreciates your work.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a good answer for your question. I don’t study kabbalah (I’m neither male nor over 40, nor would I consider myself a scholar in Torah and Talmud (nor do I actually have the time to devote to it)), and I’m unfamiliar with the youtube channel you mentioned. I’ll tell you what I do think in case that helps, and I’ll tag jumblr so that if someone who knows more than me feels like helping you out, they can see this ask too.

The first thing I want to be clear on is that whatever answer I give you, there will be Jews out there that disagree with it. That is true in part because Jews are not a monolith, but also because Judaism very much believes in healthy debate, so the phrase “two Jews, three answers” applies to pretty much ANY question.

Without knowing the youtube channel, I find it somewhat concerning that the guy running it doesn’t make it clear that Kabbalah is highly restricted as part of teaching about it. Maybe he assumes you have that knowledge already, or maybe it’s in a video you missed, but it seems like the sort of thing you would want to make clear in teaching about it. So if he didn’t do that, then I wonder about what else he might be leaving out.

My personal opinion is that it’s complicated. I do think that if your interest is academic (I want to learn about the thing for historical/cultural context) and not spiritual (I want to use this as a method of understanding/growing closer to G-d) then I don’t think that your desire is offensive. But that’s my opinion and others may disagree.

A lot of the problem comes down to the fact that part of practicing kabbalah is studying kabbalah. So, as an example, to learn about kabbalah, you may want to learn about the Zohar. But reading the Zohar (a great way to learn about it) is practicing kabbalah – a thing you should not do. It can be hard to know where the line is between learning *about* kabbalah and just learning kabbalah, and that makes this tricky.

I guess I would say that if you stick to studying things that are one step removed, you’re probably OK? So like if Rabbi X was a famous kabbalah scholar, you could learn about Rabbi X or read any published writings of his that aren’t considered part of kabbalah, that’s probably ok, but studying actual kabbalah itself would not be.

I will say that many Jews are prickly on this subject because many goyim like to take things that are Jewish and closed and insist that we share them anyway, with no respect toward our peoplehood or culture. That doesn’t seem to be what you’re doing though, and I appreciate that.

Anyway, I hope that this was helpful, or that someone else responds to this with something that is.

[babyhatesreality]

Hi, I wonder what her daddy’s would do if she did something „bad“ but also something to worry about?

Like eating a lot more Christmas cookies then she was allowed to and now ofc her stomach hurts. Would she be in time out or how would they handle it? ☺️

Merry Christmas to you!!! 🎄

And a Merry Christmas SUPER late right back to you, Nonnie!! So I think I've established that I'm very slow at responding to asks (and this is my first night off since Christmas YIKES), and for that I apologize and thank you all for your patience. I know you asked for Christmas cookies here but since we're so far past Christmas, I'm using iced sugar cookies. But you can totally pretend they're trees and snowflakes and reindeer if it makes you happy! <3 

Also, if you’ve submitted an ask for a story, I will get to it, I promise! Thank you in advance for your patience <3 

How the Cookie Crumbles

Pairing: Daddy!Stucky x little f!reader

Warnings: DDLG (SSC), f! reader, reader is named but name scarcely used, reader is bratty due to an extreme sugar high, scolding, upset tummy (nothing else along those lines, I promise), scared reader, angry Steve, runny nose and blowing it, gentle discipline, fluffity fluff fluff fluff.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. THIS STORY IS SFW- THE REST OF MY BLOG IS NOT NECESSARILY SO. MINORS DNI. I DO NOT CONSENT FOR MY WORK TO BE STOLEN, COPIED, OR TRANSLATED ONTO ANY OTHER SITE BUT MY OWN. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated. 

This was pretty close to exactly what Heaven was like. It had to be.

You inhaled deeply. A fresh batch of sugar cookies had just come out of the oven, and you hopped down off your little kitchen step stool and leaned towards the still-hot tray in Steve's hand, lured in by the siren's call of its intoxicating smell.

There was a big Avengers Family get together/potluck tomorrow, and you three had been assigned desserts. Once you heard that, you badgered your daddies incessantly to make cookies for everyone, because in your mind there was literally no better dessert in the whole entire world. They had given in, but had not anticipated the lengths that your cookie craving would take you to...or how much you would live up to your nickname.

"Trouble," Bucky warned for the 32nd time in the last hour as you took a step towards the stove. You instantly stood up straight, looking at him with your widest and most innocent Bambi eyes.

"What?" you asked adorably, tilting your head. Bucky's eyes just narrowed at you. "I was just SMELLING 'em, Daddy!" He rolled his eyes.

"Quit trying to get close to the pan," he scolded, ignoring your excuse. "You're gonna get burned."

"No, I'm not!"

"Katie," Steve said this time, in HIS warning voice, turning to face you as he set the pan down on the stovetop to cool. "We've been having lots of fun decorating these cookies. Please don't start being naughty and make us stop."

"Not bein' naughty."

"Arguing and talking back to Daddy and me is being very naughty, and you know it."

Unable to refute that, you huffed and crossed your arms, pouting with all your might. Bucky raised an eyebrow at you as he stepped in closer. "Guess this means it's time to stop decorating," he said evenly, reaching for you. You instantly dropped the pout and your arms.

"No, no! I sorry, I be good!" you pleaded. "Please can we decorate more please?"

"You gonna stop being naughty and do as you're told?"

"Yes, yes! I sorry Daddy! I be good."

"Okay, then. We can do some more. But-"

"YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

"BUT-" Bucky said loudly, over your cheering. "You be on your best behavior, got it, Trouble?"

"Got it, Daddy!"

"Alright. Get your cute little butt back up here."

All attitude forgotten, you hopped back onto your stool gleefully. Steve turned to Bucky, smirking at his husband. “You believe me now that she’s had too many cookies?” he asked as he crossed his arms, grinning. 

Bucky rolled his eyes playfully, but before he could answer, you chimed in. “NEVER!!” you shrieked dramatically, ruining your theatricality with a giggle. “Never too much cookies!” You jumped off the stool again, and started racing around the kitchen island. Steve tilted his head with his favorite I told you so look as Bucky heaved a world-weary sigh. 

“Okay, yeah, you might be on to something,” Bucky conceded grumpily, his eyes never leaving you as you continued your sugar-crazed laps. You’d only had 2 cookies....and the 2 that he didn’t let Steve see you sneak. That he was very much starting to regret now. Along with all the tastes of the decorations. Oh geez. “We gonna finish these or are you gonna keep practicing for the Indy 500, munchkin?” he called out loudly to you. He chuckled as you screeched to a halt and climbed back up on your stool. You reached out a finger to dip in the delicious soft pink icing you’d been using to frost the cookies, but Steve’s hand stopped you. 

“No, no more taste testing, angel,” he said firmly but gently. “You’ve had enough sugar for today. And possibly tomorrow. And the next month.”

“But I gotta test it, Papa! It could be poisoned.”

“It hasn’t been poisoned since the last time you tested it. Or the other 3 times before that, either.”

“You can never be too sure,” you replied back solemnly. Steve just brought your fingers to his smiling lips, giving them a quick kiss before leaning in so you were practically nose to nose. 

“No more sugar tonight, Katie,” he said in his no-nonsense voice. It was your turn to sigh heavily and dramatically. 

“Yes, Papa,” you conceded in a hang-dog tone, before letting your eyes slide over to Daddy, and going full Bambi on him. Bucky pretended he didn’t see as he picked up another cookie and started smearing icing on it. You gave up, and turned your attention back to the rainbow sprinkle decorations, and once you were sufficiently distracted, Steve and Bucky silently made eye contact as well as a game plan to get you down off your sugar high before bedtime. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, you were wrapped in your rainbow blanket on your daddies’ bed, sprawled out over both Steve and Bucky, watching Tangled. Your head was upside down on Bucky’s right thigh, watching the movie intently, while your right foot was propped up on Steve’s shoulder. Usually, there was something about that movie that could put you right to sleep- a trick they often employed when you were fussy at nap time- but you had so much sugar in your system that you were wide awake, and flopping around every few minutes in whatever weird position struck your fancy to get comfortable again. 

In truth, you were thinking about all those delicious cookies, so pretty with the sprinkles and icing and chocolate chips and colored sugar....”Gotta go potty,” you suddenly declared, rolling over Bucky and off the edge of the bed. Bucky caught you with his lighting quick reflexes before you hit the floor. He chuckled as he set you upright. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Trouble,” he teased as he let you go. You giggled and raced away to the bathroom down the hall instead of theirs, hollering that you’d be right back. You didn’t really need to go, but you had a plan...

You tiptoed into the kitchen, quietly climbed onto your stool still next to the kitchen island...and there they were. A whole big plate of frosted heaven just begging for you to eat them. 

Well, what else were you supposed to do? 

After the 3rd cookie, your face was covered in frosting and your stomach was starting to hurt. You bit your lips against the whimper that wanted to escape. Your tummy was really gurgly, but you couldn’t tell Papa or Daddy. If you got caught, you were going to be in so much trouble. There was only one thing left to do. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve and Bucky had just finished the scene where Flynn and Rapunzel escaped out of the cave. Bucky chuckled, thinking how much you loved to reenact it when you were swimming at Tony’s. It suddenly dawned on him you’d been gone longer than you should have been. He looked over at his husband. “She should have been back by now,” he said nonchalantly. After exchanging a quick look, they both bound out of bed. Bucky headed straight for the bathroom, but Steve headed for the kitchen. Once he saw the crumbs and the gap on the cookie plate, his suspicion was confirmed. He put his hands on his hips, angry. 

“Kaitlyn!” he bellowed. When he didn’t hear you respond, his eyes started scanning the area for any indication of where you might have gone. He took a deep breath, trying to tame the anger he felt at your disobedience. Finally, his super soldier hearing caught the tiniest rustling sound from your bedroom. He stormed his way over. He stopped in the doorway, his eyes scanning the room when he didn’t immediately see you. You weren’t in the pile of blankets at the foot of your bed, nor under your bed, you weren’t in the mountain of stuffies in the corner...then his eyes landed on the closet. It was open just a crack. 

Steve got to the door and yanked it open, and sure enough, there you were. Huddled on the ground in the fetal position, pinching your eyes shut tight. Because if you didn’t see him, he wasn’t there, right? But you could still hear his weighty exhale. 

“Young lady, get out here right now,” Steve ordered. You just whimpered and curled in tighter on yourself. Instantly, he realized something was wrong. “Hey,” he said in a much softer and gentler voice, kneeling down. “What’s going on, sweetheart?”

The sudden calmness and change in demeanor did you in. You tearfully peeked one eye open. “Cookie Monster, Papa,” you whispered. 

Papa’s eyebrows raised. “What do you mean, ‘cookie monster’, honey?” he asked carefully, unsure of what you meant. 

“Cookie Monster in my tummy,” you mumbled, squeezing your eyes shut in both shame and pain as your stomach rumbled again. 

“Oh boy,” Papa said, and you could hear a lightness that wasn’t there before in his tone. “You ate too many cookies, and now you have a cookie monster in your tummy?” You nodded pathetically. 

“I sowwy,” you whispered, keeping your eyes shut to block out the disappointment you just knew was on his face. Instead, you felt his strong arms scoop you up and lift you, then transport you to your bed. He laid down beside you on the bed, putting you on your back. You tried to turn away so you wouldn’t have to face him. 

“Nuh-uh, none of that,” Papa said softly, turning you back. He started rubbing your tummy gently, and when you tried to push his hand away, he carefully moved your hands so they wouldn’t interfere. “This will help, angel,” he said. You just kept your eyes shut tight and tried not to cry. You felt one hand move to your forehead and linger there, as if he was checking your temperature to make sure it was just a stomach ache and nothing more. Once he was satisfied, you felt him relax as he pressed a kiss to your forehead and resumed rubbing your stomach. 

You peeked one eye open again when you heard Bucky at the door frame. It only took him a second to realize what had happened. You squeezed your eye shut again as he pinched his lips in irritation of your naughtiness, but you missed the concern that came immediately after it. “Buck, can you please go get her some Alka Seltzer?” Papa asked calmly, and you heard Daddy turn to go. 

“Now, baby,” Papa began in his light tone. “What did we say about no more sugar tonight?”

“N-not to,” you managed to get out, trying to wriggle away again as the scolding started. Steve’s hands gently pinned you down again. 

“Stop,” he said calmly, but with a firmness that you knew better than to argue with. Once you stopped wiggling around, he put one arm underneath you to cradle you, and used the other hand to resume rubbing...and the talking to continued. “That’s right. We said not to have any more sugar tonight. Now do you understand why we said no more?” You nodded and wiped your runny nose with the back of your hand. You felt a tissue pressed up against your nose. “Blow, please,” Papa said. You did as he asked, and he gently wiped. “I want to hear your words, baby.”

“Yes, Papa, I understand,” you said miserably. You carefully opened your eyes to see his crystal blue ones staring down at you kindly. 

“Good girl.”

“Are you really mad at me?”

“I’m not happy that you chose to disobey,” he said evenly, but softly. “But you’re definitely learning the consequences of your actions, aren’t you?”

You moaned and turned your face into his chest. “Yeah,” you whined quietly. “Best behavior,” you mumbled again, shamefaced. “Won’t do it again, I mean it, Papa.”

“That’s right, baby, best behaviors will keep you from getting a cookie monster, or getting hurt, or lost. This is why you need to listen and obey when we tell you to do something. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Papa. I sowwy.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, squeezing you gently. “You’re forgiven.” Just then, Daddy returned with the glass of the bubbly water. You wrinkled your nose and glared at the medicine. They made you take Alka Seltzer before when you’d had a rumbly tummy, and even though it helped you still didn’t like the bubbles that tasted salty to you. 

Daddy shook his head as he sat down at your feet. “None of that, Trouble,” he chided gently, but with a smile. “You brought this on yourself. Drink up.” He grinned as you wrinkled your nose just once more, before sitting up and taking the glass. You swallowed the fizzy water as quickly as you could before flopping back against Papa’s arm with a theatrical groan. “At least all those cookies  didn’t hurt your flair for the dramatic,” he teased. He leaned in and took the glass from your hand, silently exchanging a look with Papa, before turning his eyes back to you.

“Alright, Trouble, here’s what we’re gonna do,” Daddy said. “You know when you disobey, you get a timeout, right?”

“Yeah,” you replied miserably. You really didn’t want to sit in the corner, but there was no doubt you’d earned it. 

“Well, we’re not going to do that tonight since you obviously are learning your lesson and don’t really need the time to think about what you’ve done. You’re gonna come back to our bed and sleep with us tonight, so we can keep an eye on your tummy.”

“On the Cookie Monster?”

“The...what?” Daddy asked, looking up at Papa for clarification. Steve gave him a look that said just go with it. “Okay, on the...cookie monster,” Daddy continued. “But no more cookies for the rest of the week. And that includes dinner with everyone tomorrow. If you’ve been good and don’t try to steal any more cookies, we’ll talk about having them again next week. Understood?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Good girl. Alright then. Wanna go finish Tangled?”

Too exhausted by the stomach ache and the sugar crash to do much more, you nodded into Papa’s chest, your thumb heading straight for your mouth. Papa quickly replaced it with a paci as Daddy pulled out a soft blue nightdress and scooped up Jellybean. They took you back to their room, and by the time they’d changed you into your pajamas and cuddled you back in between them, you were sound asleep to the soft music of the beautiful floating lights. 

[nomatterwhatnomatterwhere]

What a ( Not so) Strange World X

So… I know I said I wouldn't be long, but hey…life happens I guess? I've had the chapter set at 1777 words for longer than I'm willing to admit, so let's briefly explain why I'm late: I'm a fucking dragon.

Okay, let's move on to the slightly longer version eh? I'm moving, so I've been messing around the house and realising I own more stuff than I thought I did or didn't even remember existed. Kind of like a hoardin dragon.

So, having some slightly more important priorities than publishing the chapters of various works, I kind of forgot that I actually had to publish those chapters.

I don't want to bore you with my misadventures, although I may need to complain to someone about it because, really, I could write a comedy series about it.

I apologise, again, for the delay, but I would also like to thank all the people who have started following the story in the last period. I was buried by notifications, and it was also thanks to this that I was able to complete the chapter.

So many thanks for your patience, ( if you have some left over can you lend it to me? I swear I will give it back to you. No? Anyone? Sigh)

Ohh right ! Before I forget, since you asked so nicely I couldn't help but accommodate you (sorry I didn't answer right away) so well, anyone who would like to be tagged please don't mind letting me know

@jessiegerl

Prev Next

"No kiddin! He collared me for eating one slice of tart! All his 'rule obsession' is outta control!"

It was true that 'Riddle' seemed a bit too rule-obsessed, but Ace wasn't really the best person to complain: if Riddle was rule-obsessed then Ace had no conception of what rules were - and probably broke them unknowingly for that very reason.

"Ace I don't thi-"

You were about to let Ace in on this too, but you interrupted yourself when you noticed both Cater and Trey stiffen slightly, realising that who was probably 'Riddle' had approached the table.

"My 'rule obsession' is 'outta control', is it?"

Yep. Definitely Riddle.

And Ace was talking bad about Riddle, to Riddle.

While he was talking you couldn't help but think how much he looked like a child; he was cute, he looked like a doll. When Ace had asked him to take off his collar, you had to restrain yourself from snorting: it was a definitely absurd request.

( seriously Ace, after breaking rules and bad-mouthing the Housewarden, did he really think Riddle would give him his magic back? Naive)

You knew that Riddle was absolutely serious while scolding Ace, but all you could see was a child playing at being an adult - little did it matter that Riddle was older than you - and he was absolutely adorable

( He had adorable little cheeks! You wanted to pinch them. But you were keen not to have any dog collars around your neck, thank you).

You agreed that 'tolerating rulebreakers' might have taken the campus down a path you didn't feel like going down, but you didn't think this was the worst habit the HeadMaster could have.

There was something wrong with that thing and you couldn't help but worry

( worrying about you, about Yuu's safety, about Yuu's survival, about Yuu in general… and even about the evil weasel, in part… and maybe the Problem Child ™ … maybe, you weren't sure Ace deserved to escape the destruction he was causing)

Regardless of what Ace thought of Riddle - to which you could now even attach a face, yay - you didn't think the HouseWarden's thinking was so wrong.

If there were rules, it was only right that they should be obeyed... after all, they existed for a valid reason - right? - and if those rules were broken, then it was only fair that those responsible were punished.

Moreover, at least in Ace's case, Riddle had also been respectful of his education, since his punishment did not affect his school results.

( And you actually rather agreed with Riddle: The problems that an Ace without magic could create were certainly less dangerous than those that an Ace with magic would have caused.

He would still have created problems...might as well limit the damage).

"Now as per rule 339"

" 'The post - meal beverage is to be lemon tea with two sugar cubes' I know, I just don't have a clue where to find the sugar... or tea to be honest, I haven't seen a kettle around, and my sense of direction would allow me to get lost even in an empty room."

You hadn't realised either that you had interrupted Riddle, or that you had said all this out loud, or that the table's attention was on you... you didn't think you had spoken so loudly, but at that moment you cared about your survival.

You apologised to Riddle, smiling rather embarrassedly at him, because really, you hadn't made a fool of yourself yet today.

To your surprise, the boy took it rather well: his eyes were slightly wide, but he hadn't shouted at you…

( Now Ace could have said that Riddle was playing favorites? The situation seemed that serious to you)

After announcing that he was going to get sugar, and saying goodbye to the others, he asked you if you wanted to follow him.

And of course you gave him an affirmative answer.

You were a little afraid to leave Yuu, but Cay and Trey wouldn't let anything bad happen. Although you hoped nothing would happen in general.

So slightly reassured by the thought that in case something happened Yuu would be safe, you got up to follow Riddle.

(You were fully unaware that as you walked away, the negative comments about Riddle were only just beginning.

You were, on the other hand, fully aware that someone was abusing sugar, if Riddle's gritted-tooth comment was anything to go by)

You and Riddle had walked in silence along the path leading from the table where you had lunch to the entrance of the Cafeteria, where on a well-decorated table, away from the buffet area, was everything you needed to prepare tea and other beverages.

( Maybe you could have made yourself some hot chocolate? It's been a long time since you've had some).

Riddle had been kind enough to boil water and brew tea, adding sugar to your cup for you.

"Do you follow all the rules to the letter?" you asked after thanking him for the tea, and were not surprised by his sign of assent.

"But all of them? Like for Rule 529 'If you eat steak on a night with a full moon, a cat must play the violin' does the cat get charmed into doing it? Or is it trained?"

He thought about it for a moment before answering

"It hasn't occurred to me to put this rule into practice yet, but I am convinced that there are both trained and enchanted cats"

"It's interesting how seriously you take these rules" the boy was about to reply but you continued "No offence, it's just that sometimes it's hard to follow them all perfectly, isn't it?"

( You didn't have to tell him that it had taken you quite a while for your sugar cubes to reach two. You weren't particularly fond of sweets as a child.

And that had earned you a few feeding lessons from Queenie who had taken your low sugar levels to heart.

Although your eardrums were still suffering from it, those were the first loving cries you had been given).

"With a little bit of effort you can succeed at anything if you want to" he was looking at the table where your group was.

"Ace isn't bad" he looked at you in profile as you continued " At least, I don't think so, it's just… that he doesn't think enough before he speaks, I don't think he wanted to wrong you"

It was true. You didn't think Ace was bad…just tremendously insensitive and stubborn.

(And maybe a little stupid.)

"To me, however, he doesn't seem to understand what the problem is," and you nodded knowingly.

"I don't think he understands the point of those rules . Or the rules in general, for that matter." and here you saw Riddle smile slightly.

"I'm not going to take his collar off just because someone intercedes for him."

"And that wasn't my intent anyway. But if he returned a tart and apologised, he should be allowed back in the dormitory, right?"

You honestly knew Ace would cause more trouble, but as long as he caused it out of your sight - and possibly away from Yuu - it was fine.

What was not fine at all was the thought of Ace staying in Ramshackle Dorm.

One night had been enough, and you didn't want to leave Yuu at the mercy of two and a half Problem Children™.

"Those tarts had been prepared by Trey for the upcoming Unbirthday Party being held at Heartslabyul, but I guess it can still go well."

Riddle had noticed how your eyes had lit up at the mention of the Unbirthday Party: you looked like a child who was ashamed to ask his parents for a toy.

And indeed it wasn't too far from reality.

You knew all the rules of the Queen of Hearts, but you'd never had the chance to attend a real Unbirthday Party, but you could sense that they were an important celebration, at least for anyone who was part of Heartslabyul, and you would have liked to attend, but to invite yourself was rude, no matter what world you were in.

However…

"Um..so if, um, we showed up to this Unbirthday Party, obviously dressed formally, and with this tart…could we strangers attend as well?"

Riddle peered at you for a few moments.

You seemed to know and apply the rules as much as he did, you had been polite in your manners and your eyes were shining for him to actually say no to you.

( And besides, there was no rule forbidding people from attending Unbirthday Parties, otherwise Che'nya would have been 'off with his head' more times than was humanly possible )

"As long as the rules are adhered to, there should be no problem."

You had greeted him all smiling after thanking him, bouncing away.

You were a ball of brightness. You weren't bad to be around.

You, on the other hand, thought your group of friends - could they even be called that? - were trying to get rid of you, as the table where you had lunch was totally empty.

Rude. Very rude.

Rook hadn't helped either. At your look of "you've got something to say abou it?" he had merely shrugged.

You didn't believe him for half a minute.

( You were right not to believe him. Rook knew perfectly well what was going on, but it would have been fun to see how you would have behaved)

It was only thanks to two Beastmen who were complaining - one of them - about an interrupted nap and someone who smelled "not - magic - at- all" that you realised which direction to go in

(even though it didn't reassure you at all).

Why were they in the Botanical Garden, of grace?

(On thinking about it, it made sense that they were going to retrieve the tools to collect chestnuts from there, but you didn't know that the bunch of idiots - Yuu excluded - had decided to make a Chestnut tart)

Which by the way, how did they think you were going to reach them - because it was obvious you were going to reach them - without knowing where they were going? With magic?

(Well, maybe so, but you didn't know how to cast such precise location spells yet).

You found them heading for the kitchens with several baskets of chestnuts - they'd made you wander the campus for nothing then - and filled you in on their intentions.

Honestly speaking, making chestnut tarts for an Unbirthday party didn't really seem like the best idea, but it had been Trey's idea and you doubted Trey had really wanted to get his freshmen into even more trouble than they already were.

Besides, if Riddle himself had requested such a tart, there shouldn't have been a problem, right?

(Although this did raise a few questions - which you kept sweeping under the carpet - such as, 'if Riddle is so bound by the Queen of Hearts' rules, how come he agreed to this crazy idea? )

After the chestnuts had finally been shelled and the two freshmen from Heartslabyul had been made fun of, you realised - Trey realised - that it was time to go to the school store to get some more cream, and while you were at it Trey asked Deuce to pick up a few more things.

You quickly pulled back: you had already walked enough around campus, this time you were going to pass.

After Yuu, Deuce and Grim came out you could "admire" Ace falling asleep on the table - with even a little bit of drool, how horrible.

"And he complained about our Dormitory, he can really sleep anywhere," you said looking towards Trey, who had a slight smile on his face as he approached you, leaning against the counter you had vacated.

"Thanks again for looking after him"

"It wasn't like we had a choice anyway. He did it all by himself. When he comes back to your dorm it will be terrible for you," you said, shaking your head.

There was a moment of awkward silence, or at least, that was what you perceived and you felt like you had to do something.

"When you make the muffins could you let me know? I'd like to help out."

And of course that something had to be awkward, damn you

Trey merely nodded.

You were about to open your mouth again when he anticipated you 'I didn't think I'd see you again. Certainly not under these circumstances," he chuckled.

"Well, um, I don't think anyone expected to see me again under these circumstances."

So you told him a very short version of your little trip from the RSA to the NRA, ignoring how he tried not to laugh openly, as Che'nya had.

You just couldn't help it. Trey had become even more handsome over the years, it was almost unfair.

Surely he had a girlfriend or something. That was even more unfair.

Your teenage self couldn't realise she had a crush on him when you had a chance!

You must not have been very subtle as you looked at him because, without missing a beat, he asked in the quietest tone in the world.

"You seem to be looking at something you like?"

Your shout - it wasn't a shout, it was an embarrassed and indignant babbling nonsense - had managed to wake Ace - who for once wasn't at fault - just minutes before Yuu, Deuce and Grim returned.

Deuce didn't look too good, but at that moment you didn't really care.

Your only thought at that moment was where you could dig yourself a hole to bury yourself from embarrassment.

(You were so engrossed in your thoughts that you didn't even notice how red the tip of Trey's ears were when he asked you that question, nor how from that moment on he would not only continue to glance at you, but also to make eye contact with you.

Which failed miserably because you didn't look up from the ground for another second.

In spite of everything, however, he was happy to still have the same effect on you. They were satisfactions).

Omake

While you were following Riddle around the Cafeteria, you didn't notice what was going on around you.

But Riddle did.

And he hoped you didn't ask him why he had suddenly changed direction.

But just as you wanted to survive Ace, Riddle wanted to survive Floyd Leech.

Riddle knew it was him. He had a sixth sense for when the merman was around.

And in Riddle's opinion it was never good to be near the Octavinelle trio

[hpowellsmith]

Hi! I played the Patreon demo of Honor Bound and left feedback on there, but I also have a public question that is not spoilery that I'd prefer to ask here. I recall you explaining how various couple models are perceived in the different countries present in the CdlC universe.

But considering my chosen RO in Honor Bound in combination with the age of my MC, I'm actually really interested to know how do people perceive couples with huge age gaps.

Thank you!

Thank you for asking and for your patience in waiting for this to be answered - it's been a while I know! In part, I've been mulling it over a bit because I've been considering it in more depth myself as I get into writing the romances and how the characters respond differently to PCs in different age categories...

Long post below:

People give major side-eyes to people who are in relationships across ranks in the military, which isn't necessarily age-related but will often be. A senior officer discovered romancing a direct report will be punished. A senior officer discovered romancing a lower-ranking officer in a different team or department will not necessarily be formally punished, but people will talk. (Korzha romancing someone in their 30s or late 20s would get the latter response; that, among other things, is why they have some early hesitance about dating the PC.)

In general age gaps become more socially-acceptable depending on the life stages and life experience of the people involved. If Savarel were to date Matia, say, people would gossip about Matia being older, but they would likely also consider that Savarel was in the military for almost ten years, has won a medal, is in a steady post-military job with a decent income, and is independent; with all that in mind they'd be less likely to cast judgement on Matia about it.

But if there was a bigger gap in power level, or if someone in their forties or older was dating someone in their early twenties, that would be met with distaste, especially if they haven't graduated from Teranese Service yet; still being in the Service would be seen as the equivalent as "young college age" and if someone's in the Service, they'd be generally expected to date around their own age or in their twenties at most. Someone in their thirties dating someone in their early twenties would still be eyebrow-raising in most quarters.

Thank you for the ask! This is something that may well evolve as I write more of the romances so it may shift over time.

Someone in their forties dating someone in their mid-to-late twenties, which is the configuration of Raffi plus the oldest a PC can be, or Matia or Korzha plus the youngest a PC can be, tends depending on the dynamic of the relationship and relative power/influence levels to be seen as less "creepy" and more "is someone having a mid-life crisis" / "is there gold-digging involved" / "what's everyone getting out of this" / "what are their long-term plans going to be" ... as in people will be more likely to have opinions about the fact that there's an age gap. People will not necessarily assume that something bad is happening, but they will assume that there's something gossip-worthy going on. Viola de Luca's parents have a 15-20 year age gap and people do gossip about it, making assumptions that Lorenz is gold-digging and such.

Matia and Korzha both treat a younger PC a little differently when it comes to flirting or getting started with romance, and Raffi references different ages too. Fiore and Savarel, being in the middle, haven't brought up ages much in what I've written so far, but it will likely come up when talking about future life plans and so on, or just naturally in conversation.

[shmowder]

The return of crybaby reader fuck yeah we love to see it!! Good stuff - definitely preferable (imo) than when the person with dacryphilia is the one making you cry on purpose :( Evil :( And it's literally fine, who among us is seeing the light of heaven anyway 😇

I've been wondering about a few things lately so I hope you don't mind me asking! When you're writing for a character (and the request hasn't specified the P1 or P2 version of them), how do you decide how to characterize them? Especially with someone like Saburov, who you said earlier was quite different between the two games. Do you find yourself picking one or the other version, do you try to focus on what's in common between the two, do you pick what you want to from each version and blend them together, a secret fourth thing?? Do tell! I'm just curious ^^

Also, how do you decide whether something goes in "x reader works" or "x reader drabbles"? The length probably plays a role, but anything else?

Re: modding, tysm <3 To be fair, what I did is probably one of the easiest ways to mod the game......... but like I even struggled to find the game data folder in the beginning, so I'm happy!

Thank you sincerely for more P1 tips. You're the best. I just got so mad save scumming when I could have spent that time getting on with the story - but still, I really don't want to screw myself over by not having enough resources as time goes on, so I'll keep doing it as long as I have the patience. I've been trying to use your advice to fight, but I just don't have the timing right yet - now I know not to aim for the chest though!! Ahh I'm very happy you told me that about the yellow pills. Is there any place to buy lockpicks other than Bad Grief?

I hope you're having a good day :) It's nice to see so much activity here. I've got to run, so I might not see your reply for a while depending on when you answer.

🐿️ anon

I always default to P2 unless the requester specifies otherwise. Even with my own work, I use P2.

P1 was more about survival than about a narrative story, it was more of a... gamey game to say? The townfolks–even the children, are more jaded to the brutality and indifferent to other's struggles.

It was a truly unwelcoming town that's bursting at the seams from the constant tugging and power struggle. People rarely liked each other, let alone liked you.

It was hard to relate and sympathise to the characters because everyone built a fortress of steel around them, you simply couldn't crack past the shell no matter how much you tried, even if you risk your life for them, you will remain a stranger locked outside the gates.

People were more cruel, cold, and punished for their loving and naivety. That town cannibalised its weakest each night, women were beaten in the streets past a certain hour if they dared walk around at night, and you lose reputation if you try to interfer.

That's why I default to P2 where the story is more flushed out, so much that they added easy difficulties because they genuinely wanted you to listen to their tale, become a part of the show and relate to the town and its people. The townfolks weren't needlessly cruel, they were terrfied deep down and paranoid, yet love flourished in hidden corners and in the least places you'd expect.

P1 punished you for wanting to play it, P2 encourages you to try more albeit with tough love and taunting. Mark Immortell can afford to be cruel to you because the warmth of the town will mend any wounds he inflicts on you, while in P1, the tragedians and exectuers almost pitted you at times, advising you with mourning in their tones as if they can forsee your grim fate.

In P2, they truly wanted to save the town, they cared for their home. P1 Alexander is power-hungry and wants to prove a point by taking control over everything and show that he is capable. He wanted to save the town to prove that his convictions and ways are superior, to win an imaginary contest rather than actually save it for the people suffering inside or because it's his home.

Even the kids feel more like... kids. Silly, full of love and wonder. Doesn't a little girl give you milk and bread for free on day 1? She never asks you for anything in return but if you give her a piece of bread–not even a full loaf–she is over joyed and tells her friends "See! See! I told you he's good! I told you he'll return the kindness."

While in P2, he is almost the opposite, he doesn't stubbornly insist that Artemy is the killer based on little evidence. Instead, he actively helps you find your father's killer, time after time, and actually makes progress.

He asks for your opinion on the fate of those who could've prevented your father's murder but didn't. He genuinely worries about Clara and his wife rather than seeing them as a source of more power and control.

Especially your relationship with Murky and Sticky, oh my god it pained me to shut them out in P1 because you're never presented with a different choice. It is truly soul sucking to go back to the lair each day and not see Sticky there. Knowing things can be different, if only.

In the x reader genre, I'm not trying to fully incorporate the canon characterization. I only want to float close-by sun, never fly into it directly.

Because it's a hopeless endeavour, you'll lose your mind trying to imitate another's art and only end up feeling hollow and disappointed even if you succeed.

I take creative liberates, lots! I make them softer, lower their guard more, their love is easier to earn and keep. I flush the humane parts of them, the mundane struggles that the average person can relate to rather than the ingenious traits which make them an interesting unique character in a game.

Yulia's disability, Daniil's double-edged perfectionism, Rubin's paranoia, Artemy's suffocating devotion.

I build off of the P2 characteristics. I do borrow plot points from P1, however, I intertwine the canons together and cherry pick what serves a better narrative for the kind of tale I'm trying to tell here.

For example, I like that Peter has no bed in his room. He sleeps inside a ceramic bathtub instead that someone must've broken their back carrying up all these stairs to his room. So I'll incorporate it into the version of Peter I write in my stories.

But when it comes to personality, yeah, hard on P2. I don't even consider P1.

I don't like the phrase "done dirty" Neither should we belittle P1 characters writing. It wasn't a stepping stone, it was the foundation whole. They did the best they could with the limited times and funds they had, plus the conversation flow and dialogue choices felt better and more natural in P1.

P2 was terrified of giving you any dialogue choices that are longer than a sentence while each character freely monologued to you over and over. I like talking dammit! Let me talk!

And the story P1 was trying to tell is very different than the story P2 told. Same premise but different cores and essences. You don't judge art by its relativity to another piece that subjectively "did it better". That's horeshit.

You judge art by it succeeding in reaching what it was set out to achieve. What is the author or artist in general trying to do here? Not if it's to your personal tastes or not, why subject them to imaginary expectations and damn them for failing to reach the goals you secretly set for them by your own self?

I'm not talking about you, squirrel dw, it's just a general "You". A term of speech. You haven't done anything similar to that, if anything you've been very considerate and understanding when it comes to the things you don't like or enjoy in my writing. I really admire that about you.

P1 wasn't looking for a heartfelt story about the people of the town, but about you. Not Artemy, Not Daniil, hell not even Clara.

But You. The player. It's your story, your struggles. You're the hated person who keeps coming back by their own free will each day.

That's why it has so many 4th wall breaks! That's why it taunts you at every corner, why the mechanics are so easy to exploit but so time wasting and obnoxious. Because they were ment to test your patience! They were meant to be annoying on some meta level, a final "fuck you" to the player for abusing their player powers that the game itself EXPECTS you to abuse.

While P2 wasn't about you, really. It was about this beautiful town that has fallen under a grim tragedy. This rich folklore and stories of magic, love and survival. Of betrayl and guilt.

Everything you expected from your father killer, you find in P1. That game hands you Oyun as the unlikable ruthless antagonist he was always predetermined to be. He fights you on each level, he makes your life a living hell as the player not just as Artemy.

And being annoying to the reader, annoying to the player, is the biggest crime any character can ever commit.

That's why you don't hesitate. You spare him no sympathy.

While in P2, instead of the grand revel that happened in P1, you're met with the shell of a broken man. Tethering on the edge of life, withering away, begging you to grant him mercy and end his suffering, to atone for his sins.

He's already a corpse by the first conversation you ever had with him, not a single light in those eyes. You're robbed out of your revenge, you end up feeling sad for the man who stole your father from you.

Empathy.

Even if you do kill him, he doesn't put up a fight. One stab, he swiftly falls down. This hulking gaint minotaur.

Do you know how many times In P1 I had to-

I don't want to spoil the story, I want you to experience it for yourself.

But yeah. Mischaractersation is doomed to happen. The more I talk and write about them the more they'll twists and change, gradually over time. Might as well embrace it and make my own versions, be open about it rather than cling to the stolen puppets of two kids who grew bored of their sandcastle.

-

It's not the length that determines what goes into the "Works" or "Drabbles" category, it's the effort and polish I put it.

Sometimes, people will request a fic or HC, but I'll still give them a drabble based on their concept instead because it's all the energy I could afford for the day.

I know it's quality over quantity but god is it tiring and consuming. This is my hobby, not my work and not a skill I'm honing. This is my relaxation, my respite, my bit to the world before I venture into the abyss forever and get lost to obscurity and irrelevance in history.

I deserve the right to mediocrity. It's fun as fuck.

I get to decide in the end, I love my readers but I'm the one who is writing at the end of the day. I get to pick and choose which glowing ember of an idea I want to hammer and polish until it shines as bright as any star in the night sky, or simply cradle it and give it a loving smooch before sending it off to be posted immediately.

Sometimes, you want intricate full meal fics. Other times, you simply want snacks and candy.

It's the type of effort, too. Some things are hard for me because they're new and therefore scary, so I have to put in a lot of energy to achieve very little while still labelling it a drabble at the end.

Other times, things are hard whilst being familiar because I genuinely want a good story, I want something beautiful and above the bar. That's when it's labelled as a full work.

I also tag my full work while my drabbles remain untagged. it is the wild west in there. Like a kinder surprise, you'll never know what you get once you click on the mystery link!

-

Oh I didn't intend for the Alexander fetish drabble to be crybaby reader. I pictured it as more of a reader that deliberately taunts and teases him without him being aware.

But I wanted to be very subtle about it, I don't do subtlity much in my works. My meanings are as hidden as the sun in the sky. So this time around, I tried something new by implying you're actually the one in control... rather than blatantly stating it like I usually do.

Yk, that line about you holding "power" over him. Or your choice of clothing, pressing your thighs against him. Sitting on his desk! what kind of a person in strife would ever do that? Your thighs being so close to his hands too.

It's more of a reader that gets a kick out of watching his self control crumble, the inner turmoil he goes through everytime you fake cry and run into his arms.

But art, especially x reader works, are meant to be a mirror for the... reader. So you're free to interpret it however you want, death of the author and all.

-

I get where you're coming from, that line about wanting to move on with the story but the savescuming is sucking the fun out. It will cause burnout if you're not careful, it's why I'm moving at a snail pace in the Bachelor route.

I just dread having to over-achieve again. I feel the need to perform better than my Haruspex run and somehow collect more than 24 shmowders this time around–or was it more? I don't want to check.

But deep down, I enjoy savescuming. I like zoning out and watching youtube or something while reloading. It's rotten work but it's worth it just for that high afterwards when I meet a shmowder girl and I can easily trade for one with my pockets stuffed with nuts.

Or cheeks? Yk bc you use a squirrel emoji. Man I am so funny fowjfijejfiwid.

I think you should do what you want, not what you must. Move on with the story and deal with the consequences later.

None of your bounds will ever get infected, I guarantee you that. The mechanics are different than P2. As long as you finish your main quest daily, your bounds will never have a reason to go outside and get infected.

The shmowders are really for the other two healers' bounds, who will randomly end up infected. You should only cure them if you're gunning for the double secret ending where you meet the devs.

And at most you'll need like 5 or 7 shmowders? That's not counting the panacea you'll have in the Haruspex route yk. Like 4 or 5 bottles total, I think.

So really just two or three shmowders are needed for the secret secret ending.

Ignore teensy, she is useless to you.

for the lockpicks, you shouldn't be needing too many? What are you using them for? Looting healthy houses or savescuming trading with kids inside the houses?

If it's the first, don't bother. Whatever food in the healthy houses pales in comparison to the fact you can find weapons in looter houses that sell for a shit ton of money. Buy food from shops instead, you'll be able to afford it eventually.

If it's for trading with kids, don't bother either. Or only do it once a day at night when wasting time. Hog all of your trade items, memorise one house with at least one girl with pigtails who trades bullets and one black hair boy who trades bullets, then trade all your items to them

Their inventory refills when you leave and re-enter the house! So you can endlessly trade with them.

If you still want lockpicks, you're better killing enemies and looting it out of their corposes. You can also trade them from pigtails girl, otherwise yeah Grief is the only option.

Eitheway. I hope your day goes well <3 And whatever you're in a hury for ends up going smoothly and to your liking. I loved talking about this! I really enjoy talking about my art and writing process, thank you for the thoughtful questions.

[angelofthepage]

Can you tell us about three of your favourite bits of backstory or character building for any of your OCs? :^)

Anon, you just made my entire day, thank you so much for sending this in! I would be delighted! Gosh, where do I even begin? There's so many ways I could answer this! I mean as the maker of an OC, you're they're number one fan, so there's a lot to love there. How do you pick a favorite part?

Over the last year or so (or at least, since a little before Dark Revival came out), I've let myself have more fun with Bella, an OC from my AU and fic Searching the Depths, and it's been very freeing. One of the biggest parts of her development that's been so fun to explore is just, letting her be a main character instead of denying myself that fun. It's made a world of difference and things are more fun to write now. She's gotten to be a little more frustrated as of late too. Much like Constance in TLO (and really, everyone in TLO), there's a lot of feelings she keeps hidden, but the more she's been exposed to the ink, the worse she's been at stifling her emotions. Turns out she's a very frustrated character who's fallen into the twisted thinking of 'if I just grin and beat it a little longer, it'll all be worth it' instead of taking care of/being honest with herself, and with the ink stripping her of a lot of her patience, that's harder to do. Same with lying. While working on my recent draft of Richard the Keeper, I've learned she has a really difficult time lying to Richard and Sammy. Truth by technicality, she can do, but straight up lying has become harder. I think these are some of the reasons why she and Sammy can relate. They were both people pleasers on different ends of the spectrum, and even though they butt heads, deep down they get that it's hard to function when those around you aren't meshing with how you do things.

In terms of backstory, here's one I don't get to talk about much: when I originally made Bella, she was an accident. She was my character for an RP blog my friend Margin used to run, Samsamthebandman. I hadn't roleplayed in a long time when we started doing stuff together, I was rusty and hadn't had a partner that let me contribute to the plot in any meaningful way in years. So Bella was a safe testing ground, and I'm glad I got to do that. Some of what we did there stuck when I went to develop my own stuff. Bella having a librarian friend named Cherie? That's canon to Depths, in fact Cherie is a lot more important than anyone knows just yet. I've mentioned her briefly in-fic, but just wait until you meet her. XD Same with Fiero, the candlestick toon, he was made around the same time and has stuck with me since. Bella being close to Sammy and seeing him as family was also a major takeaway from this.

Besides that, I'm pretty sure this is where the importance of the hat came from. Bella has this pageboy hat, which is based off of a hat I own. It was a gift from my senior ball date of all people, and I wore it a lot in college when I was having a bad hair day. X'''D The hat in-story was a gift from her father who passed away, and she's never without it for very long. Now, if you've seen anything with my art fight this year, you may have noticed that Bella has these massive sheep horns now (which have an amazing backstory let me tell you, please someone ask me about it it's SO FUN), so she's not wearing a hat anymore. Or at least, not on her head. The hat now lives tied to her belt loop, or in her hammerspace, always on her but in a different way.

Last note, I think one of the things I really love about her right now is the design upgrade. Like giving her curls and letting her be sheepy to match her name was great and I love it. But also, I love her name. The reason her name is Bella Ewe is so her signature can be B. Ewe, which out loud sounds like Be You. And ultimately, that's what her story is about, finding an identity for herself within the ink realm and moving forward from the death of her father. She has changed herself so much to fit what other people want or need her to be, that somewhere along the way, she got lost and doesn't know who she is anymore. In going on this journey with Sammy, Jack, and the rest of her new friends in the cycle, she's finding herself, not just existing to fill a gap in the group, but existing as the person she is, finding that she can be helpful and make a difference and still be Bella. And along the way, she gets to learn that Bella is a person worth loving, even when she's difficult, even when she isn't perfect, even when she breaks down.

That's been really valuable to write, and for me as a person, valuable to learn. Like, I don't get into it much, but I'm someone that spent a really long time feeling pretty worthless and unwanted, and moving forward from that has been really hard, but also rewarding to fight through. Bella isn't a self insert anymore, I've learned that we're very different people all things considered, but working on her has been healing for me. It means so much to me when people tell me they enjoy hearing about her and her story, that they think I have good ideas not just with Depths, but with all kinds of niche things in this fandom. I'm still shocked by the number of art fight attacks I got that were of her out of all the characters I put up this year, the number of kind comments about how cool her design is blew me away. Thank you guys for enjoying my silly little OC. She's my sheepy daughter, and I love her so much. It's nice to be allowed to talk about her. A few years ago I would've been told to shut up about something like this, expected to listen but never partake in the conversation. Now I get to share this part of what I do with all of you, and you're so kind about it. That's ultimately one of my favorite parts of all my OCs, I'm not the only one who enjoys them anymore.

[n7viper]

hello this is definitely not the same asker as before 8 18 25 34 37 48

wheee, I'm a few days late. thank you for your patience! :3 (oh god, I sound like I'm sending work emails now...)

(Destiny OC Questions)

8. How do they view their revival? Would they rather have stayed dead or be revived?

Very much “welp, I guess this is my life now” that eventually morphs into “what other choice is there? If I have these abilities, what else could I possibly be doing with them that is not protecting the people?” She sees some freelance lightbearers from time to time but she feels like she's most useful working with the vanguard and protecting the people of The Last City. When she feels most confident, she feels like this is what she was always meant to do. But when things are really stressful, when she gets in her own head about what she’s had to do, she’d rather someone else had been revived in her place. Anyone else could do what she’s done. Or do it better, even. I elaborated a little on this insecurity in this ask.

18. Do they remember much of their past life?

Answered here! tl;dr - she does not, and she'd very much prefer to leave it that way

25. If they had a unique exotic piece of gear, what would it be, and what would the flavor text be?

Surprisingly, this has been the thing hanging me up the most out of the questions I've been sent, haha. I’m not great at design. She most often wears St0mp-EE5 (mostly for my sake) but they do also boost her effectiveness in the field with increases to sprint speed and jump height. I could see her having a set of gauntlets similar in appearance to Oathkeeper but sort of arc (electricity) themed? The screenshot doesn't show it, but the dark purple parts of those gauntlets have a swirly animation. So Mae's arc gauntlets could have some funky crackling arc energy in them. As far as flavour text, idk, maybe this random dialogue I have lying around for her from a conversation with Crow -- "Who I was before is gone; this is my life now." (I forgot I had that when I answered #8 lol)

34. Guardian's least favorite weapon?

Generally, Mae hates grenade launchers. Especially the little special ammo ones. She can’t arc them to save her life, and she’s blown herself up with them a few too many times… No, I’m not answering that for myself at all, what do you mean?

37. How is their flying?

Straight up average. She’s not bad by any means, but she isn’t going to be doing any flashy maneuvers anytime soon.

48. Guardian's favorite food?

Gỏi cuốn - spring rolls! They're bright, refreshing, and filling. Peanut sauces are common for dipping, but she prefers nước chấm instead.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 11/26/2022

Oh, I was doing so well...

this could be permanent you know is very close to completion. I am on the literal last scene of the fanfic. It just happens to be a very long and important scene. I probably would be done now, if it weren't for Thanksgiving, because I had to spend all of Wednesday baking and then Thursday and Friday were mostly taken up with traveling and eating and being social, and now my momentum is in tatters.

I really don't have very much left to go-- I have to finish the scene I'm on, of course, and there were two things that I forgot to put in and want to go back and see if I can, and there is one chapter that I didn't like the ending, so I may see if there's anything I can do about that. Then I have to reread all six chapters and send them to the beta. I have not particularly wanted to re-read my own writing lately, which is a thing that sort of comes and goes. On one hand, when I enjoy re-reading, it wastes a lot of time because I'd rather re-read than write new, but on the other hand, I catch a lot more errors and end up with a much more polished end product.

Anyway, The Work for this week added up to 5444, which is distinctly Not Bad considering how much time I lost to Festivities. I'm really pleased, actually, because I should be able to finish up the actual writing of the thing by or just past the end of November. That leaves me all of December to do Renruki week stuff. I'm hoping the combination of short projects should go well with Christmas hassle (I did put up half my lights today because the weather was nice). I am pretty sure I am going to take up the next part of Heart is a Muscle again in January. Take me home...country roads...to Soul Society...where I belong. I yearn to once again write Byakuya being aggravated by the irksome presence of his lieutenant and also Zabimaru being a gigantic pain in the ass. Anyway, that's looking too far ahead, I gotta keep my eyes on the prize. Hopefully I'll have some fic for you in December!

Oh, also, I have been very neglectful in answering my ao3 comments, and I have not forgotten you, it's just that it really derails my brain to do those, so I've been trying to pound this out and then get back to them. I also closed my asks for the same reason, in case you were wondering. Thank you all for your patience with me, as always!

[yutanology]

Promise Me | Yandere! Nakamoto Yuta X Fem!Reader

Warning : 18+, possessive, foul behaviours, sexual content(nothing biggie), mental illness, death, etc. No proofread. Please, don't be too harsh on me. I'm still new and this is my first ever one shot/fanfiction here :)

Word count : 2.4k+

"Could you just stop?" Y/n whisper shouted at her seatmate who had been bothering her since this morning.

It's not like this is new to her or to anyone in their class but today, he seemed to be more clingy and touchy than he usually was and she found it quite unusual.

By the time she stepped into the school campus this morning, he abandoned his game with his friends on the soccer field just to greet her with his dashing smile and a nice warm hug.

She didn't mind it at first as she was already used to it but when she thought he's going to leave her alone after that, he followed her around instead like a lost puppy. She could almost see a furry tail happily wagging behind him.

Everywhere she goes, he's there right beside her. Either his hands were holding hers or his arms were wrapped around her lower waist. Some people were jealous or happy when they thought they're finally officially together and when someone questioned their relationship, Y/n would immediately respond saying they're just friends while Yuta would say otherwise, leaving them confused.

He was still attached to her during her classes and even ditched his just to be with her. The teachers could only sigh in defeat and shake their head. They knew that whatever they say, there's nothing they can do to make the stubborn guy follow their orders.

At the end, he'd always get what he wants.

The Japanese boy glanced at her side profile. His head was laying on top of his other hand. Seeing her brows furrowed irritatedly, he stopped for a moment before continuing to twirl a few strands of her silky hair between his long fingers.

It doesn't look like he has any plans of keeping his hands to himself at all. She'd been trying to get rid of him for countless times and she failed with all of those useless attempts. She's so close of getting angry at him but she doesn't want to lash out on him and seem like a bad person.

With her another sigh passing through her soft reddish lips, she looked at the clock on the wall. ‘Just five minutes more, Y/n. Just a little more patience, you can do it.’ she tried to convince herself. By those five minutes, she let Yuta play with her hair.

When the school bells rang and echoed around the campus, she immediately fixed her things and rushed out of the classroom before the teacher could even dismiss them. The corridors are already crowded and she could only hope that Yuta wouldn't be able to follow after her this time.

She decided to go to the restroom and stayed there until she was certain that Yuta's nowhere around her. He's really acting weird and she couldn't understand why. Whenever she asked what's wrong with him, he'd always say the same thing like 'I'm fine. It's all in your mind.’

His gaze, the way he looks at her also felt different this time. She felt something uneasy somewhere in the pit of her stomach or maybe there's something wrong with 𝘩𝘦𝘳. Maybe she's just overthinking way too much since that's what she always do mostly when she doesn't get enough sleep and she stayed up late last night.

That's right... these shit are all just in her head.

She released an exhausted sigh and turned the faucet on to wash her face, hoping that it would also wash her frustrations away. She reached for a handkerchief from her bag and wiped her face dry as she made her way out of the comfort room.

Her heart almost jumped out of her ribs when she found Yuta standing just a single step from the exit. She gasped and her hand immediately flew to her chest in surprise. "Yah! Stop scaring me like that!" she yelled and he only chuckled in amusement.

"I've been waiting for you. What took you so long?" he asked her, locking his hand on hers as he lead her to the canteen. Eyes of the people they passed by were immediately on them like they're more interesting than the lessons that their teachers taught them.

"Wait, why were you waiting for me?" confusion was evident on her face.

"So we can eat together for lunch, of course. Come on, we don't have all the time. Classes are going to start after forty minutes." he casually said, pulling her closer to him when they walked passed a group of boys and he didn't fail to notice the way they looked at Y/n.

He didn't like it, not even a bit.

Y/n seriously couldn't count how many times she sighed at how she always end up letting Yuta do whatever he wanted to do with her. From the simple hand holds to sudden random kisses that he pepper on her face. No matter how hard she tried to push him off, he'd always stick himself even more closer to her.

It was like that for the passed weeks and it was honestly so tiring as hell. Yuta just won't leave her alone even when she goes to the restroom, he would insist to wait outside the cubicle that she had to push him away and lock the main door of the room.

She could barely talk to other people peacefully as he would shoo them away immediately and ask them to leave her alone. It was so frustrating and she's getting fed up of his unexplained foolish practices.

She's well aware that the guy likes her more than just a friend and she also can't deny that she's attracted to him but these behaviours of his are just too much for her.

The said dirty blonde haired Japanese guy was sitting closely beside her, his chin rested on her right shoulder as he watched her turn pages of the book that she's reading. He wasn't paying attention to the words written on the dead leaves. His eyes stared at her small hands, wondering how they would feel like around his cock—

"Yuta." the guy's ears perked up when she said his name. Snaking his arms around her waist, he pulled her to his chest and planted a kiss on her neck. Her cheeks heated at the unexpected skin contact but she tried her best to ignore the butterflies that he's giving her.

She's planning to finally confront him and she had to make him stop whatever he's doing cuz it's no fun at all. It's not entertaining and she's not amused at all. "Yuta." he hummed, his kisses getting wet and he started to graze his teeth on her skin, lightly nibbling on them until he finally bit hard enough to leave a mark.

A whimper tried to escape her mouth but she's fast enough to bite her lower lip, trapping the sound until it disappeared on it's own. He was disappointed when she didn't make any sound for him, thinking that he didn't do well enough to make her feel good so he ran the tip of his tongue on her neck.

His hot minty breath heated her skin and tingles spread around her body when he blew her sensitive ear, nibbling her earlobe and placing a kiss on one of her flushed cheeks. His hands wandered under her blouse, caressing the side of her hips with his thumb.

He slowly dragged his large hands up under her breasts and just when he was about to touch them, Y/n pulled away from him. A low whine and groan simultaneously erupted from him, complaining at the lose of skin contact from her.

Y/n looked around the library if someone saw them and she was thankful that no one was there but only them. She straightened her blouse, closing the book and stood up. "Where are you going?" he also stood up from his seat, ready to follow her wherever she's going.

She didn't answer him. She slung one of her bag's strap on her shoulder, walking away with the book and placed it back to where she took it. Yuta was quick to keep up with her steps, confused of why she was suddenly in a hurry.

When they finally got out of the library, she stopped at the nearby bleachers where students barely pass by and turned to him with an exasperated sigh, "Yuta, seriously, what's wrong with you?" the way she questioned him came out more stressed out than how she wanted it to be.

Yuta blinked his eyes a few times as if he's trying to figure out what she meant. "What do you mean, what's wrong with me? I'm totally fine. Are you okay?" it was his turn to ask her, walked close to her and placed a hand on her forehead.

"Are you sick? You don't seem fine to me. Let me take you to the clinic—"

"Yuta, stop." she stepped away from him before he could even hold her hand. He halted, his brows met as his eyes stared at her worryingly.

"Stop whatever you're doing to me and please, leave me alone. I also need some time for myself and other people around me, alright? You can't keep me from interacting with anyone. This is honestly suffocating, Yuta. We can't keep doing this."

He felt like his heart shattered into tiny pieces. His chest tightened and his airways narrowed, making him unable to breath properly. Without him knowing, tears were already streaming down his cheeks.

Y/n was taken aback at this, immediately feeling guilty for making him cry. She didn't expect him to be this emotional for his appearance.

"Look, I'm sorry but—"

"D-don't you love me anymore, Y/n?" He didn't let her finish her words, leaving her speechless at the question.

Her mouth left agape, struggling to find the right words to tell him. "Did you find someone else better than me that's why you're planning to leave me, is that it?" more salty water poured out of his eyes.

"Yuta, w-what are you talking about? We're not in a relationship to begin with."

"Then let's be together officially! Just you and me, Y/n. I'll do anything just to be with you. I promise, I'll be the best boyfriend you'll ever have. I'll give you everything you want—" he held her arms, "—just promise me I'll be the only one you'll ever love and want to be with. Promise me, Y/n. Promise me!"

Yuta secured his arms around her, holding onto her desperately. Scared that if he lets go, he might lose her. He can't let that happen. Like what he said, he'll do whatever it takes just to have her.

All for himself.

"Y-you have to promise me, Y/n."

Her head was clouded with a lot of thoughts. She was barely thinking straight and her emotions also messed up with her. She really likes Yuta. The increasing speed of her heartbeat and the butterflies flying around her stomach with euphoria whenever she's with him didn't lie at all but it felt wrong.

These feelings didn't feel right.

She pulled herself away from him and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Yuta..." that was all she said before she left him without even looking back at him.

She had no idea how it broke him and how it made him do things that a normal person wouldn't do. He saw nothing but red after she disappeared from his sight. Everyone who tried to touch or talk to her the next day suddenly disappeared, a minute after they left somewhere else.

At first, she didn't think much about it until the number of people disappearing quickly increased and made everyone alarmed. All schools around the place were forced to close for a moment and people were told to stay at home with tight security to keep them safe.

Everyone was scared including Y/n, of course.

It made her so anxious that she could barely sleep at night. One morning, a knock on her door echoed around her silent apartment and she panicked, quickly hiding on her bedroom.

She almost peed her pants in fear when the knocking and ringing of doorbells continued for minutes. Her phone went off on her nightstand and she ran to it. Yuta's calling.

Without a second thought, she answered it with trembling voice. "Y-yuta..."

"Y/n, are you okay? Please open your door for me, I have to make sure you're safe. I'm the one outside your house."

And that was all it took for him to be with her. Make her scared to be outside, convince her that everyone is dangerous and he's the only one who can protect her.

Whenever he goes outside to buy food and other necessities for the both of them, he'd always return with a small cut or bruises and it made Y/n scared that she might lose him too.

He's all she had left.

He made her thought of that. He's all and everything she could ever need. She'd be nothing without him.

"Do you love me?" he asked and she nodded silently.

"If you really do, promise me that you'll love me and only me, Y/n. I wanna hear it from you." Yuta looked at her straight in the eyes when he said those words.

"I promise." his heart raced inside his chest.

A smile stretched out on his plump lips. "I love you, Y/n. So much than you could ever imagine." He meant it. He always had and always will. He leaned his body closer to her, locking his lips with hers and they moved in sync.

This is paradise to him.

He couldn't explain how much happy he's right now. With her here in his arms, it's the only place where she's safe. He watched her drift off to sleep, he kissed her forehead when her eyes finally closed.

He could look at her like this forever. The love bites that he painted on her skin looks so beautiful. She's like the most beautiful painting he'd ever seen and she deserve to be placed on his art gallery but she's only for him to be looked at.

He sighed dreamily as he continued to press more kisses on her neck. He successfully made her love him. There's nothing he could ask for, now that her naked body is already tangled with him under their soft blanket.

He could only hope that she'd keep her words and stay true to him.

Feedbacks are pretty much appreciated and requests are open! Feel free to share your thoughts!

I will not always be active but I will try my best to attend each of your requests and to also interact with y'all.

I apologize for not being word-perfect in English. English sadly ain't for me—

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

[van-zieksy]

Hello, Zieksy! I hope you're having a wonderful day. There's something I've been thinking about, and wanted to hear your thoughts about it. It's a bit of a heavy question, so feel free to not answer this, if it's too much.

Do you think Barok struggles with having a positive self-esteem? While I'm sure he is aware and has faith in his abilities and qualities, I wonder if sometimes blames himself for things that went/go wrong? For instance, do you think he sometimes has regrets in not reaching out to his brother when he saw him grow more sombre? And how the people he trusts end up as traitors or just- in a bad way- Do you think he sometimes holds himself responsible? It's also the scorn he faces publicly; of course it is baseless, but this kind of thing tends to have an effect the best of people.

What do you think, though? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, if you're comfortable answering this. Either way, I hope you have a lovely day!

Hello, lovely Scarlett!

Thank you for the ask and your patience in my responding to it. You know I have been very busy lately and there’s just no end in sight. Thanks so much for understanding. 💖

The „too long, didn’t read“ version of my thoughts is: I do not necessarily think he has low-self esteem and believes to have low personal worth/value. I would attribute his mannerisms and some of the things he says to being tired of it all: the curse, the betrayals, the mistreatment, the corruption, people taking advantage of him, having lost the one person who was a part of him, being alone in this world, and so forth.

Now to the longer version of my answer.

Upon reading your ask, this exchange came to mind immediately:

When Ryunosuke voices his concerns over Barok's safety and Barok announces that he doesn't mind carrying the burden of the Reaper name because it significantly reduces major crimes in the city and that his life/destiny is in someone else's hands, he effectively says that his soul is tired. He does not necessarily imply that he would not mind dying in the line of duty because he thinks of himself as a lowly person. It’s a weary but also selfless heart speaking here, not a person with self-doubts. Barok is not someone who determines his own value as a human being based on how others perceive him. He does not care what others make of him, which does not mean that the way others have treated him for so long does not hurt or have any impact on him; it simply does not affect his self-perception or self-worth. This becomes also obvious in the way he treats authority figures. While he generally is a respectful person, he does not care who he makes an enemy of or how it affects his standing with this person. He has enough confidence and sees enough value in himself as a person and a professional to speak up.

This is actually a very personal subject to me, as I can relate to Barok in this regard. The treatment you receive – or have received - from others can affect you emotionally, but it does not necessarily have to (meaning: it can, though!) affect how you see yourself. If you know what others are saying about you isn’t right, and that their treatment of you is a reflection on them and not on you, then let them be. Or prove them wrong. There’s always a very intimate reason as to why someone would try to drag someone else down and mistreat others. While is is absolutely wrong, of course, it is best to try to understand the person in question, as that is oftentimes the only way to find a solution to the matter. (I'm not saying everyone is deserving of such understanding; it all depends on the situation, which should go without saying!). We all struggle in one way or another. Hate just creates more hate. Understanding can create peace. Be the stronger person. What’s interesting to me about Barok is that he doesn’t seem to be holding any personal grudges – Genshin being the exception, which is the only significant character flaw we see, and he knows that the way he handles it is illogical, so he makes an active effort to understand it and is eventually able to move away from it. Generally speaking, he’s someone who doesn’t take things personally and is quick to forgive others or at least try to approach them neutrally, and he doesn’t get riled up when someone isn’t very respectful to him (e.g. Gregson, Wilson, Stronghart, Kazuma, Klint, Sholmes, Genshin, you name them…), but he gets very upset when others are disrespectful to other people. Yet Barok himself is above all those things. You bring up Barok reaching out to Klint. Now, this is something the game doesn’t cover, but I do think that Barok reached out to Klint after he sensed that his older brother may be the Professor, but it was quickly forgotten because he tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Klint probably also pushed him away, considering how much the case weighed on his mind, so there was really nothing for the younger brother to do. There was only one person who could have lifted Klint out of the hole he dug for himself, but we all know what happened instead. I don’t want to discuss this situation in this ask, so let’s just say that – taking into account everything we know about Barok – he would have been able to handle the truth and there were solutions for approaching the situation. What he doesn’t want to accept is betrayal. He doesn’t mind learning the sad truth about who people really are as much as it bothers him when someone tries to portray their darkness/corruption as a strength. Occupying the darkness is a dangerous weakness to him, which he makes clear during his exchanges with witnesses, jurors and figures of authority in court, in the way he approaches Kazuma during his own trial, or when he speaks of Stronghart and Klint at the end of the game. He accepts that humans (every single one of them, including him) make mistakes and that he is unable to change that, but he still can’t condone lying, cheating and corruption. To err is human. At least be honest about your mistakes and flaws, stand in for what you've done and grow from it. Constant growth is an important aspect of being human and should be acknowledged.

I can see how Barok must question if he may be cursed because so many people who he was associated with either perished or turned against him. Yes, it's only natural that he did have his moments where he was questioning if there’s something wrong with him. Truly, after DGS2, he’s the only person out of the „original cast“ who’s still standing. But he’s a very logical person who knows that there is a logical explanation to the „curse“. He ended up investigating the Reaper because he knew someone is toying with him. Out of fear of hurting others, and because others didn’t want to have anything to do with him anyway, he lived a lonely life for over a decade. He didn’t retire from the courts because he thought he was directly responsible for people’s deaths; he retired because it was an undeniable fact that someone was using him to commit murders in his name. He didn’t want to accept the risk of getting close to people because he didn’t know if this malicious person/organisation may not see that as an opportunity to strike again. As for the betrayal aspect, well, there is nothing that can be done about that. Some people do take advantage of or betray others. It’s the sad reality of human nature. What gets me is that Barok really didn’t trust anyone, yet at the same time there was a glimmer of hope. He sometimes voiced that he had his doubts about a person, yet he still tried to believe in them (e.g. Klint; when he sensed that his masked apprentice may be related to Genshin). He knew corruption was an issue and voiced that on more than one occasion, yet he still tried to give particular people or organisations the benefit of the doubt (e.g. Scotland Yard and their investigations and autopsies). He made an active effort to believe in others, going against his own intuition, just to then find out his doubts turned out to be true in the end. Despite everything, he kept making strides forward and never gave into his tiredness, never crossed the boundary to the dark side, never betrayed or harmed anyone out of self-preservation, didn’t even lie during his own trial even though his life was on the line. This man is like a fortress or a rock: untouchable by the darkness, unbreakable despite being tortured. He's also hard on the outside, but once you break the shell, you realise what's actually behind it. Despite his own suffering, he was still able to show compassion, empathy and understanding for others, even people who actively tried to harm him. He remained selfless in many ways.

Taking into account everything we know about him, he’s quite the strong person when you think about it. I also truly believe Barok is too strong of a person to let the twisted ways, perceptions and treatment of others have any significant impact on his self-esteem. I know sometimes he’s made out to be this person who hates himself or at least doesn’t think highly of himself, but I do not think that is the case at all. Based on personal experiences, I can say that it is possible to suffer greatly without doubting oneself. You can hate a situation you’re in without hating yourself. You can doubt other people without doubting yourself. You can question life and the whole baggage that can come with it without questioning your existence. Sometimes taking yourself out of the equation helps to create some clarity and ways forward. Barok strikes me as such a person. He does suffer, he does have a tormented soul, he does not have much faith in humans, yes, so much is obvious, but it went never beyond that. He never questioned his own value as a human being.

Thanks so much again! I really appreciate receiving this ask from you, not only because it pertained to Barok, also because it allowed me to reflect on life. Please don't ever question if it is okay to bring up a certain subject in an ask, because I think it is not a problem to discuss pretty much anything as long as it is respectful. If there's ever something I am uncomfortable with, then I would let the person who has asked (if I know who it is) know that I appreciate the ask but won't be able to respond to it.

Enjoy the rest of your week! Cheers!

With my fondest regards,

Zieksy

[my-reality-my-rules]

i know i’m supposed to think of it as getting closer to shifting, but every time i fail and wake up in my CR it just makes me feel sad and like it’s never gonna work. i get symptoms nearly every time i try an awake method and i feel like i’ve gotten pretty close before, but whenever i open my eyes i’m still in my CR. it’s just been especially upsetting lately bc i want to be with my DR friends so badly and i don’t know how to convince myself that shifting is real and not made up and something that i’m capable of :-(

[thanks for this ask!]

first, I'd like to give you ONE BIG WHOLEHEARTED APOLOGY BC THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR AND I TOOK TIME TO ACTUALLY REPLY-

fr tho i am so fucking sorry this took so long

I've been meaning to answer your question for some time now—but didn't know the exact words to give you then. inspiration struck when i was cramming my entrep homework earlier.

so, we've been assigned to watch some videos on successful entrepreneurs, and this is one of the links given to us (you don't really have to watch it). in short, it's an account given by asian entrepreneur Sadira Yeong Min Yi—about her success story, and what it had been like for her. i won't bore you with details, but sometime near the end, she says: 'It is normal to have struggle, despite someone might look very successful on the surface. So I find it very fulfilling for me to show them that it is achievable if you think so, and if you start executing. Failures are bound to happen. It is okay to be afraid, it is okay to have fear.'

it reminded me of your ask. while it's not necessarily the same thing that you've mentioned—the concept still applies.

here's a screenshot of the powerpoint we were given:

see the five aforementioned characteristics of the entrepreneurial mindset—decisiveness, confidence, accountability, resilience, and humility—and note that they can also be applied to shifting in general.

you've done the first part: you've addressed what it was that you felt had been holding you back from shifting. you stated you don't know how to convince yourself it's real, that you can achieve it. the next part would be asking yourself why. is it because you failed to fully shift? the disappointment of waking up here? whatever the reason is, acknowledge it, make your peace with it, and then start with the next two traits.

move with confidence, but take into account everything you do. evaluate the choices that you make, and the things you surround yourself with. do they help, or do they somehow hinder you? cut off toxicities and change bad habits.

then, there comes resilience and humility. admittedly, even at a passing glance, this would be the harder part to do. i myself didn't shift until april of 2021. believe me, it took a lot of patience and much more nights of crying; there will be days where you'd want nothing more than to disappear from this place, only to wake up where you left off the previous day. it grated, but i had to learn how to deal with the dissatisfaction if i truly wished to achieve my goal of shifting.

resilience, but with acceptance. change your mindset, even if it comes slowly.

I'm going to pretend I'm still in your shoes—that i still haven't shifted, and that my mind simply can't accept that i can do it. if it was me, I'd think it's because I'm subconciously resisting the thought of it, thinking that shifting is simply a dream i could never reach.

i have to learn to recognise that thinking about with that perspective gets me nowhere. self-pity gets me nowhere. I'd vent, and I'd cope, but i wouldn't let it blind me. for the most part, if it feels as if the thoughts never abate, then i at least try to think positive about them. yes, they're hindrances, but every mistake is also a lesson—and every lesson is something learned.

go for a breather. a change in scenery, maybe. set aside some tasks. if it feels suffocating, stop, at least for the moment. spiralling won't do you any favours. don't think about your DR for a while. think about here, about the things you love, about the things you can do.

find a support, and lean on it until you become better. heal, if you need it. when it's calm, you can make a more calculated decision. move forward, again, even if things don't come at the pace you want them to. just keep in mind that they will. you're going to work for them and they are going to be yours one day.

be gentle with yourself, but no less honest.

weeks before i actually shifted, i wouldn't have called myself unburdened—but i do remember feeling lighter than i have in months, and that had been borne from an effort of balance.

- - -

here are the main affirmations i use, if they could be of help:

I do not chase. I attract. Everything that belongs to me will simply find me.

What I think, I create. What I feel, I attract. What I imagine, I become.

I build my world with my thoughts.

you can ask yourself, What if I fail?, but what if you don't?

there's no formula for success, because the only constant there is is the mindset that you work with. you need to learn. accept that shifting is not an easy thing to do. if you don't start, how would you know? if you don't take the first step, how would you begin?

[inkofyoonkoo]

Ohhh nooo… I am sorry that you are feeling unmotivated due to the lack of feedback.. but I feel you, you are putting so much effort into your books and then people are not even appreciating it enough…

That just shows how important it is that people show their love and admiration for things they‘re enjoying

Let me tell you, since I am yoongi biased I did read all of your stories about yoongi x reader and ohhh boy You, Amoung The Others is something else. (btw I should also start reading your other stories about ggukie)

While reading it I honestly thought to myself, does the author even realize how good she is at what she's doing? Fanfictions written so well like yours are so rare, at least that‘s the impression I have. There are so many stories on Wattpad that have tones, speaking of millions of views, likes and comments etc. that don’t come even close to the perfection of your stories. It’s honestly not fair. And it’s honestly even a little bit embarrasing to admit how invested I got into YATO hahahha, I was feeling all of the feelings, because you made me. It’s simply great. You’re creating a comfy corner for your readers dear Author.

So…You go Author keep shining..🦋✨. I hope I don’t come of as a creep, but after reading your answer to your last ask, I felt like I need to leave some Love here 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 Of course it’s only your decision if you want to keep up with certain works but just know that there are still some people much appreciating it, if you do..

I'm probably a million years late with my reply, but hi! Hello!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for appreciating my Yoongi's story -especially YATO. I'm always happy if readers can feel the emotions I was trying to depict through the characters 😊 unfortunately, I don't think that my stories are perfect and I'm well aware that this fandom is so prolific that for sure there are fanfiction that are much more amazing than mine out there; but I'm also aware that my stories might be a source of comfort to someone else, and this is the main reason why I kept sharing and update even when writing was the last thing I wanted to do.

Although I feel deeply bad for leaving my works incomplete and my readers hanging, I've really reached the limit of my patience for a while now, and I'm sad to say that I quit writing about BTS right now -and it's not my intention to go back to it in the immediate future. I'm still writing, but they aren't BTS related and I won't even probably publish them; I'm just doing it for myself, when I want to, and I really needed it right now 😊 I know I'm letting a few people down with my decision -but, well, I think it was just a matter of time since I've always been pretty vocal about the issue and nothing changed.

So, yeah, thank you so so much for this lovely message and for enjoying some of my stories ❤️❤️❤️ but even more important, thank for reaching out and sending me a bit of love and support!!! it really means the world to me 🥰

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! Feel free not to answer this question if it is in any way too much, but I've been wondering about something concerning the "western" mdzs fandom. Lately, i have seen multiple pieces of fanart that use what is clearly Christian symbolism and sometimes downright iconography in depicting the characters. I'm a european fan, but it still makes me vaguely uneasy. I know that these things are rarely easy to judge. I'm definitely not qualified to do so and was wondering if you have an opinion

Hi there! thank you for your patience and for the interesting question! I’ve been thinking about this since i received this ask because it?? idk, it’s difficult to answer, but it also touches on a a few things that I find really interesting.

the short answer: it’s complicated, and I also don’t know what I feel!

the longer answer:

i think that this question is particularly difficult to answer because of how deeply christianity is tied to the western art and literary canon. so much of what is considered great european art is christian art! If you just take a quick glance at wiki’s page on european art, you can see how inextricable christianity is, and how integral christian iconography has been in the history of european art. If you study western art history, you must study christian imagery and christian canon because it’s just impossible to engage with a lot of the work in a meaningful way without it. that’s just the reality of it.

Christianity, of course, also has a strong presence in european colonial and imperialist history and has been used as a tool of oppression against many peoples and nations, including China. I would be lying if I said I had a good relationship with Christianity--I have always faced it with a deep suspicion because I think it did some very, very real damage, not just to chinese people, but to many cultures and peoples around the world, and that’s not a trauma that can be easily brushed aside or reconciled with.

here is what is also true: my maternal grandmother was devoutly christian. my aunt is devoutly christian. my uncle’s family is devoutly christian. my favorite cousin is devoutly christian. when I attended my cousin’s wedding, he had both a traditional chinese ceremony (tea-serving, bride-fetching, ABSURDLY long reception), and also a christian ceremony in a church. christianity is a really important part of his life, just as it’s important to my uncle’s family, and as it was important to my grandmother. I don’t think it’s my right or place to label them as simply victims of a colonialist past--they’re real people with real agency and choice and beliefs. I think it would be disrespectful to act otherwise.

that doesn’t negate the harm that christianity has done--but it does complicate things. is it inherently a bad thing that they’re christian, due to the political history of the religion and their heritage? that’s... not a question I’m really interested in debating. the fact remains that they are christian, that they are chinese, and that they chose their religion.

so! now here we are with mdzs, a chinese piece of media that is clearly Not christian, but is quickly gaining popularity in euroamerican spaces. people are making fanart! people are making A LOT of fanart! and art is, by nature, intertextual. a lot of the most interesting art (imo) makes deliberate use of that! for example (cyan art nerdery time let’s go), Nikolai Ge’s What is Truth?

I love this painting! it’s notable for its unusual depiction of christ: shabby, unkempt, slouched, in shadow. if you look for other paintings of this scene, christ is usually dignified, elegant, beautiful, melancholy -- there’s something very humanizing and humbling about this depiction, specifically because of the way it contrasts the standard. it’s powerful because we as the audience are expected to be familiar with the iconography of this scene, the story behind it, and its place in the christian canon.

you can make similar comments about Gentileschi’s Judith vs Caravaggio’s, or Manet’s Olympia vs Ingres’ Grande Odalisque -- all of these paintings exist in relation to one another and also to the larger canon (i’m simplifying: you can’t just compare one to another directly in isolation etc etc.) Gauguin’s Jacob Wrestling the Angel is also especially interesting because of how its portrayal of its content contrasts to its predecessors!

or! because i’m really In It now, one of my favorite paintings in the world, Joan of Arc by Bastien-Lepage:

I just!!! gosh, idk, what’s most interesting to me in this painting is the way it seems to hover between movements: the hyperrealistic, neoclassical-esque take on the figure, but the impressionistic brushstrokes of the background AAA gosh i love it so much. it’s really beautiful if you ever get a chance to see it in person at the Met. i’m putting this here both because i personally just really like it and also as an example of how intertextuality isn’t just about content, but also about visual elements.

anyways, sorry most of this is 19thc, that was what i studied the most lol.

(a final note: if you want to read about a really interesting painting that sits in the midst of just a Lot of different works, check out the wiki page on Géricault’s Raft of the Medusa, specifically under “Interpretation and Legacy”)

this is all a really long-winded way of getting to this point: if you want to make allusory fanart of mdzs with regards to western art canon, you kind of have to go out of your way to avoid christian imagery/iconography, especially when that’s the lens through which a lot of really intensely emotional art was created. many of my favorite paintings are christian: Vrubel’s Demon, Seated, Perov’s Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, Ge’s Conscience, Judas, Bastien-Lepage’s Joan of Arc, as shown above. that’s not to say there ISN’T plenty of non-christian art -- but christian art is very prominent and impossible to ignore.

so here are a few pieces of fanwork that I’ve seen that are very clearly making allusions to christian imagery:

1. this beautiful pietà nielan by tinynarwhals on twitter

2. a lovely jiang yanli as our lady of tears by @satuwilhelmiina

3. my second gif in this set here, which I will also show below:

i’m only going to talk about mine in depth because well, i know exactly what i was thinking when I put this gif together while I can’t speak for anyone else.

first: the two lines of the song that I wanted to use for lan xichen were “baby, I’m a fighter//in the robes of a saint” because i felt that they fit him very well. of course, just the word “saint” evokes catholicism, even if it’s become so entwined in the english language that it’s taken on a secular meaning as well.

second: when I saw this scene, my immediate thought was just “PIETÀ!!” because LOOK at that composition! lan xichen’s lap! nie mingjue lying perpendicular to it! the light blue/white/silver of lan xichen in contrast to the darker robes of both nie mingjue and meng yao! not just that, but the very cool triangular structure of the image is intensely striking, and Yes, i Do love that it simultaneously ALSO evokes deposition of christ vibes. (baxia as the cross.... god..... is that not the Tightest Shit) does this make meng yao joseph of arimathea? does it make him john the evangelist? both options are equally interesting, I think when viewed in relation to his roles in the story: as a spy in qishan and as nmj’s deputy. maybe he’s both.

anyways, did I do this intentionally? yes, though a lot of it is happy accident/discovered after the fact since I’m relying on CQL to have provided the image. i wanted to draw attention to all of that by superimposing that line over that image! (to be clear: I didn’t expect it to all come through because like. that’s ridiculous. the layers you’d have to go through to get from “pretty lxc gifset” --> “if we cast nie mingjue as a christ figure, what is the interesting commentary we could do on meng yao by casting him as either joseph of arimathea or john the evangelist” are like. ok ur gonna need to work a little harder than slapping a song lyric over an image to achieve an effect like that.)

the point of this is: yes, it’s intentionally christian, yes I did this, yes I am casting these very much non-christian characters into christian roles for this specific visual work -- is this okay?

I obviously thought it was because I made it. but would I feel the same about a work that was written doing something similar? probably not. I think that would make me quite uncomfortable in most situations. but there’s something about visual art that makes it slightly different that I have trouble articulating -- something about how the visual often seeks to illustrate parallels or ideas, whereas writing characters as a different religion can fundamentally change who those characters are, the world they inhabit, etc. in a more... invasive?? way. that’s still not quite right, but I genuinely am not sure how to explain what i mean! I hope the general idea comes across. ><

something else to think about is like, what are pieces I find acceptable and why?

what makes the pieces above that reference christian imagery different than this stunning nieyao piece by @cyandemise after klimt’s kiss? (warnings for like, dead bodies and vague body horror) like i ADORE this piece (PLEASE click for fullview it’s worth it for the quality). it’s incredibly beautiful and evocative and very obviously references a piece of european art. I have no problem with it. why? because it isn’t explicitly christian? it’s still deeply entrenched in western canon. klimt certainly made other pieces that were explicit christian references.

another piece I’d like to invite you all to consider is this incredible naruto fanart of sakura and ino beheading sasuke after caravaggio’s judith. (warnings for beheading, blood, etc. you know.) i also adore this piece! i think it’s very good both technically and conceptually. the reference that it makes has a real power when viewed in relation to the roles of the characters in their original story -- seeing the women that sasuke fucked over and treated so disrespectfully collaborating in his demise Says Something. this is also!! an explicitly christian reference made with non-christian japanese characters. is this okay? does it evoke the same discomfort as seeing mdzs characters being drawn with christian iconography? why or why not?

the point is, I don’t think there’s a neat answer, but I do think there are a lot of interesting issues surrounding cultural erasure/hegemony that are raised by this question. i don’t think there are easy resolutions to any of them either, but I think that it’s a good opportunity to reexamine our own discomfort and try and see where it comes from. all emotions are valid but not all are justified etc. so I try to ask, is it fair? do i apply my criticisms and standards equally? why or why not? does it do real harm, or do i just not like it? what makes one work okay and another not?

i’ve felt that there’s a real danger with the kind of like, deep moral scrutiny of recent years in quashing interesting work in the name of fear. this morality tends to be expressed in black and white, good and bad dichotomies that i really do think stymies meaningful conversation and progress. you’ll often see angry takes that boil down to things like, “POC good, queer people good, white people bad, christianity bad” etc. without a serious critical examination of the actual issues at hand. I feel that these are extraordinarily harmful simplifications that can lead to an increased insularity that isn’t necessarily good for anyone. there’s a fine line between asking people to stay in their lane and cultural gatekeeping sometimes, and I think that it’s something we should be mindful of when we’re engaging in conversations about cultural erasure, appropriation etc.

PERHAPS IT IS OBVIOUS that I have no idea where that line falls LMAO since after all that rambling I have given you basically nothing. but! I hope that you found it interesting at least, and that it gives you a bit more material to think on while you figure out where you stand ahaha.

was this just an excuse to show off cool (fan)art i like? maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(ko-fi)