#and also makes Merlin’s job transporting him harder

[secretkeeper13]

Flirt- bonus chapter

I was overwhelmed by the positive response to this story! Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read and leave such lovely comments.  I truly appreciate it! 

As soon as I finished writing this fic, I wanted to write Harry’s reaction to hearing the story of poor Criag’s misadventures in trying to flirt with Ginny.  I hope you enjoy this bit of (very dialogue heavy) fluff as much as I enjoyed writing it.  Bonus chapter also on Ao3! 

He flopped onto the bed, completely exhausted from the day. Well, really, from James, who was now (thankfully) sleeping in his cot after a mildly disastrous bath time in which he’d managed to get soapy water all over Harry’s shirt, trousers, and the entire bathroom floor, causing Harry to slip in his haste to grab his wand to do a drying charm. And then bedtime, when James climbed out of his cot three times before finally, blissfully falling asleep.  

In the stillness, he heard the door to the study close softly, the creak of the stairs, and footsteps approaching the doorway of their bedroom. He looked up as she crossed the room and sat on the other side of their bed.

“James wear you out today?” she asked, with a knowing smile.

“Yes, I’m exhausted,” he groaned. “I feel like I’ve been through one of Oliver Wood’s training sessions. I don’t know how you do it, honestly.”

She grinned. “You chase dark wizards for a living, but five hours alone with our toddler did you in?”

He smiled sheepishly. “It isn’t like when he was a baby, and you could turn your back for a second to do something and he’d still be in the same place. He’s so bloody fast now. I told you about the incident with the toilet. Not to mention the climbing- I pulled him off the third shelf in the scullery not a half hour after you left!”

She laughed. “He probably just wanted a biscuit. Caught him at it last week, found him on the second shelf holding the biscuit tin. I moved it up higher, but I guess that didn’t work.”

Harry shook his head. “How do you even use the loo? I was afraid to leave him alone for a second.”

She laughed again. “I haven’t used the loo alone during the day for the past couple weeks.”

“He’s not a baby anymore, really,” he said wistfully, thinking of their once tiny newborn, who was now saying words, toddling about, and causing all sorts of mischief.

“No, he isn’t.”

Harry sighed. “Did you get your article finished?”

“Yes, all done and sent to my editor in time for tomorrow’s paper. It practically wrote itself thanks to the Magpie’s seeker. Not every day someone catches the snitch in under a half hour in his first game.”  

“I can’t wait to read it.”

She smiled at him.  “Thanks for bringing James up to Hogsmeade after. I’m glad we got to see Neville.”

“Me too,” he said, and then he grinned up at her. “Speaking of, now do I get to hear the story of how a bloke fresh out of Hogwarts ended up buying you a drink?”

She laughed. “I knew you’d ask again.”

He’d asked as soon as they’d walked away from the bar, of course, his curiosity getting the better of him, as always.  But she’d simply raised an eyebrow and mouthed, “Later” in response to his murmured, “What was that?”

“Well?”

“Hmmm, you’re very interested in this story,” she teased, running her hand lightly down his chest and sliding closer to him on the bed. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were jealous of my new friend Craig.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Hardly. The poor boy looked like he wanted to die. I just want to know what you did to him.”

“And why do you think I’m responsible?” she said feigning innocence, giving him that wide-eyed, playful look that still made his heart beat faster.

“Well, I’d like to think I know you pretty well after nearly a decade of being with you,” he replied dryly.

She laughed. “Alright. Well, if you must know, I was at the bar, minding my own, when my new friend came up and introduced himself to me,” she said, her eyes glinting with mischief.

“That’s bold.” He looked at her shrewdly. “And did you introduce yourself to him?”

She smirked. “I told him it was a pleasure to meet him.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “I knew it.”

“What, I should’ve said, ‘Hello Craig, I’m Ginny Potter; yes, the one married to Harry Potter. Oh, he’ll be here momentarily. Yes, please make a scene and ask for a photo so the whole pub is in a frenzy by the time he arrives with our son’?”

“Alright, you’ve made your point,” he said, chuckling harder.

“Anyhow, it was clear he didn’t recognize me, so I decided to just... let it play out. Be a good sport, but not encourage him too much. And if I got a little amusement from it along the way, well, that was just a bonus.”

“How were you sure he didn’t recognize you?” he said, thinking darkly of all the unwelcome advances he’d fielded over the years, despite the entire wizarding world’s knowledge of he and Ginny’s relationship.

She snorted. “Harry, he asked me, very earnestly, if I followed Quidditch, and then followed that up by asking which team I supported.”

He cringed, but laughed. “Merlin. Poor bloke.”

 “That’s not even the best part.”

“No?”

“Oh no,” she said, her tone becoming increasingly dramatic (a trait which he found adorable and endearing). “The best part was when he unknowingly was slagging off Percy to me.”

“Come again?” Harry spluttered.

“I’d love to later, but I’d like to finish my story now, thank you.”

“Gin.” He was laughing so hard his shoulders were shaking. “You know, one day, that joke won’t be funny anymore.”

“And yet, you’re still laughing.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Percy?”

“Right, so after I mentioned that I’d recently had a career change, he told me all about his friend, who apparently took a job right out of Hogwarts in the Ministry in the Transportation Department. And his boss, the Deputy Head was, and I quote, ‘a real stickler,’ who was impossible to work for so much so that he changed jobs.”

He laughed in earnest. “And what did you say?”

“I told him I knew the type.”

Harry roared with laughter. “How did you keep a straight face?” he gasped.

“With great difficulty. So, then the barmaid showed up, and he offered to buy me a drink. I tried to politely decline, but he insisted, and the barmaid was getting annoyed, so I just went with it. I started to let him down gently after that, but then you showed up with James before I could tell him.”

“Poor Craig,” he said, shaking his head, still chuckling.

“He was very sweet.”

“I’m glad you bought him a round, the kid deserved it after that.”

“Oh, you’re team Craig, are you?”

He laughed. “Yes. I hope he finds a girl his own age though, instead of chatting up my wife.”

She took his hand and then paused for a moment, playing with their intertwined fingers. She looked down at him through her lashes.

“You know,” she said, her tone softer and more thoughtful. “It was refreshing, honestly. I don’t think someone who didn’t already know who I was has approached me in years. And it was flattering. I mean, he thought I was his age.”

Harry swallowed. He hated that being with him made her life harder. He hated that she’d had to give up any semblance of ever having a private life or anonymity by marrying him. As if she knew what he was thinking (and she probably did, he thought), she reached down and gently stroked his cheek. He closed his eyes at her touch, and when he opened them again, he spoke.

“I’m not sure why you’re surprised a bloke would want to chat you up. You’re beautiful, Gin, in more ways than one.”

She leaned down and gave him a swift kiss, then sat back up, and smiled at him, still holding his hand.

“It made my day, really. To feel like I’ve got it back after being pregnant and having James.”

“You can’t get back something you never lost.”

She beamed at him and shook her head. “Harry Potter. That was a line.”

“Well, I’ve got to keep up with Craig.”

She laughed, then leaned down to kiss him again. He deepened the kiss, pulling her on top of him and running his hands through her long, silky hair.

After a moment, she pulled back and reached for the hem of her shirt. “You sure you aren’t too tired for this?” she teased.

“I may not be eighteen anymore like your new friend, but I’ll manage, trust me,” he said, looking up at her, his eyes dark.

“Well, I’m glad you aren’t eighteen anymore,” she said as she pulled her shirt over her head and he groaned appreciatively. “Because this will last a lot longer then.”

He laughed, and that was the last either of them thought of Craig that evening.

[pussymasterdooku]

fic recs: kingsman edition

sorted by length. all eggsy/harry for now.

under my skin (tried so not to give in) - venvephe [explicit, 12.6k]

This is a monumentally bad idea, Eggsy realizes, in the fraction of a second between reaching out and tugging at Harry’s tie and seeing his eyes briefly widen before their lips meet.

Or: snogging is a great distraction technique for hiding in plain sight from your enemies. It is decidedly not great for hiding your growing, uh, interest in your secret service colleague.

Class Of Conduct - fideliant [explicit, 13.1k]

Or, Six Things Eggsy Has Learned About Being A Gentleman

“Lesson number one,” Harry says. “Manners matter.”

i blinked (and there you were) - Della19 [mature, 18.9k]

The Weeping Angels, Eggsy reads on the stolen Torchwood intel. Aliens that pose as statues, and kill their victims by sending them back in time and feeding off their years not lived in the present. The politest psychopaths in the universe, a note reads, scrawled in what looks like a doctor’s chicken scratch on the edge of the page by someone who clearly had a perverse sense of humour. A one way trip, the report concludes; you get transported by the angels, and it’s the slow road back to the present for you.

Eggsy lays his head back on the wall, takes stock of his situation. He’s lost 30 years - three years more than his entire lifespan up ’til now - in the blink of an eye, and now he’s stuck here, in 1988. Three years before he’s even born. Arthur, the prick, is sure to be heading up the Kingsmen, and Merlin, if he’s even there would be…20, maybe. Fuck, so fucking young.

Shite, even Harry’d only be…

Alive, Eggsy thinks, and finds himself sitting down hard from where his knees can’t hold him. This is 1988, and Harry’s 23, and alive.

Suddenly, being stuck in 1988 doesn’t seem so bad.

Or, the one where love means changing the future.

Kingmaker - manic_intent [explicit, 49.1k]

“Eggsy, I really don’t think-“ Merlin began, and stopped, because at that very moment, Eggsy walked right into a lamp post.

Across the street, at a sidewalk corner cafe, reading a paper, sandwich part-eaten on a plate, sleek, long legs crossed neatly under the table, was Harry Hart.

Care and Custody - esama [teen, 50k]

Eggsy takes out the medal in slightly worse circumstances, asking for a miracle.

Once Upon a Different Lifetime - missbecky [mature, 58.8k]

The night before the final test, Harry makes Eggsy a promise: once he is a Kingsman, they will talk about their future together. Then V-Day happens, and although Harry recovers, he doesn't remember that last day he spent with Eggsy. Now Eggsy has to carry on like his heart isn't breaking every time he looks at Harry and he thinks about what they might have had. He manages to do a good job of it, though, keeping things between them strictly professional.

So then, of course, Harry remembers.

Lagavulin and Guinness - Snarfle [explicit, 163.5k]

Plenty of people had looked down on Eggsy throughout his life. He had gotten fairly used to it. Didn't mean it was fair, but he knew how these things worked. What really sucked was that the new Arthur was worse than the old one.

“Eggsy grimaced. He didn’t know how to explain to Harry – who seemed like he hadn’t been discriminated against a day in his life – that the new Arthur kept giving him what amounted to suicide missions, and that he was currently bleeding out in a warehouse because of the deliberately bad intel she had given him.”

Also featuring: Dean is harder to get rid of than Eggsy thought, his mum is going off the deep end, there are way too many nefarious plots in play, and Eggsy is really beginning to wish that Harry would stop holding his hand and kiss him instead.

[rvinsounds]

— like this in which jess needs a reason to write lots of fluffy things SO ANNUAL SKI TRIP IT IS. WOOHOOOOO. 

a/n: this is such a future fic honestly. takes place in like 2019? 2018?? keep in mind i would’ve graduated in 2012 so ara/chanuk/seungyeon would’ve graduated 2013? so mei and sina are married? probably since april of the year? i made a rough timeline but idk LMAO THIS IS AN AU UNIVERSE LEAVE ME ALONE FAM

bg info on the ski lodge tho. basically it’s the same/similar one from this fic (there’s smut if you wanna read, just a head’s up!), it’s somewhere in the states, a ski lodge for wizards and witches, there’s hot springs that run on a magical fault line, plus a bar, and dining room/dinner area? also the mina section is based off of this AY -- BUT YEAH OKAY ON TO THE FIC 

it’s a tradition now, since the first time they had done it in 2014 and then again the year after, and once again every year since that. it had been a chain of portkeys up to the ski lodge, as they had all, once again, decided against taking an airplane and then a taxi. mostly, it was the purebloods who were still a bit wary about muggle transportation, especially across an ocean. a chain of portkeys was easier to manage and much quicker. 

they arrive in separate groups -- megan and sinhwa and nadine and minseok, the older pairs heading into the lodge first to get all the rooms and keys sorted. 

“everyone is paired up right?” megan asks, turning to nadine who’s distracted by minseok, who’s distracted by the blue bubbles floating out of the deer head on the wall. the older girl, by only four days as she constantly reminds everyone, glances over after realizing that she’s being spoken to. 

“you and sina, me and minseok, jess and saebom, ara and chanuk? seungyeon and daeun ... euncheol and whoever he’s bringing on this trip? did you hear he and his last girlfriend broke up after the last trip?” nadine scrunches up her nose, shaking her head as her gaze falls on her fiance and sinhwa trying to pop the bubbles. “sucks. i liked her.” she counts on her fingers again, before nodding. “five rooms!” 

they pause once they’ve told the witch behind the check in counter, hearing familiar voices and they grin as the rest of the group trickle in. jess is trying to dust snow off of saebom’s jacket whilst simultaneously unwrapping her scarf, chanuk looks extra round with his earmuffs on his head as he rubs arazely’s hands in his own, euncheol is busy brushing snow from out of his girlfriend’s hair and seungyeon rushes over to greet them, waving, his eyes bright. 

“sorry, we almost missed the last portkey because it was buried under snow and we couldn’t find it,” he’s breathless, but he’s still smiling widely. 

megan just smiles, reaching over to ruffle his hair, like old times. since they had all graduated university and had somewhat gotten real jobs, it was harder to find time to spend all together nowadays. so this was a special time for them all, especially during the busy holiday season, it was nice to get away and catch up with old friends. “help me hand out the room keys?” she asks, smiling as she hands half of them to the (younger) former ravenclaw. seungyeon nods, grinning before he heads out to help her do what she had asked of him. 

when all the keys are handed out, megan grins and she glances around at everyone else before clapping her hands together. “okay, let’s meet back up in an hour for dinner? we can unpack and relax for a bit beforehand.” 

there’s a loud “woohoo!” from the back corner, and everyone laughs, dispersing either to the dining room to grab snacks or to the elevator or stairs to head up to their respective rooms -- they had booked out a section on the fifth floor so everyone was close but still had their separate rooms -- let their sixth annual ski trip begin!

-- 

the first thing they had done when they had reached their room was change into clean clothes. the second thing they had done was fall into bed, the lure of the crisp sheets too much for either of them and that was where they were, still, an hour later. though the entire group doesn’t usually eat dinner together the entire trip, they always do for the first night there. 

which is why megan is a bit miffed that nadine and minseok haven’t shown up yet and it’s been almost ten minutes since the time they had set to meet up with everyone. so she does what she does best, and goes to find them. instead of knocking on their door, she literally just apparates into their bedroom -- considering the door is unlocked (probably on accident, probably nadine’s fault) the anti-apparition-into-rooms charm is ineffective and she literally appears with a loud CRACK! at the foot of their bed. 

there’s a muffled yell, nadine covering her face with her arms, minseok glancing up at the sound and he has the decency to look sheepish after checking the time. “nadine, babe, we’re late for dinner,” megan hears him murmur, and she can’t help but grin to herself. 

(she’s so happy for them.) 

but she’s also annoyed at the moment. “guys, the dining room is serving dinner in ten minutes. arazely had to stop chanuk from coming up here to yell at you guys for being late,” she says, her tone all official like the one that she usually uses to read the announcements at her little school, slipping into it automatically though she has to hide a smile, her hand resting gently on her stomach. 

“honestly, you guys can cuddle and do all you want but if you miss dinner, don’t come complaining to me that you’re hungry and have to order room service,” she continues, eyeing her friends and megan can’t help but shake her head after. “make sure you lock the door too, by the way, that’s how i apparated in here without you guys having to allow me to,” she adds after another moment, watching the two former gryffindors lowly sit up, begrudgingly, at the truth behind her words. 

“also nadine, jess wants to go to the bar after and she refuses to go unless you do because she for some reason needs a wing woman -- i think she said that to make saebom jealous, but that’s besides the point. everyone is waiting downstairs, so please hurry.” 

and she smiles, waving and leaving through the door this time, making sure to lock it behind her on the way out. 

--  

they manage to, somehow, get a vip lounge to themselves in the connected club that was a part of the ski lodge as well. 

(they’re pretty sure it has something to do with saebom and minseok being with them.) 

nadine and jess have disappeared for a while now, but no one is too worried -- the two of them tended to disappear to go and dance and flirt with cute boys and return once they were tired and wanted real attention from their real boyfriends. but this time when they returned, they were both grinning almost too happily, cheeks flushed from dancing and from all the alcohol they had taken in. 

it’s obvious how drunk they are when both of them literally drape themselves over their boyfriends, though said boys definitely aren’t complaining. 

“we just got this for free -- let’s do shots!” jess grins, holding up a three-quarter full bottle of what looks like vodka, nadine producing shot glasses out of nowhere and placing them onto the table between everyone. chanuk shakes his head in amusement, looking like he might protest, but he’s the first to start setting out the shot glasses so someone can pour. 

sinhwa, on the other hand, seems to have paled slightly. he’s staring at the bottle in jess’ hand, chewing on his bottom lip, his arm around his wife. megan is laughing, too amused that nadine had completely plopped herself into minseok’s lap and was simultaneously trying to get comfortable while also yelling at chanuk to hurry the fuck up. no one notices the tension until it’s too late, the bottle in jess’ hand shattering with a loud splintering noise and spraying everyone around her with vodka. 

it practically rains vodka, or whatever alcohol it is, on saebom and jess, and nadine and minseok who are next to them, and a startled euncheol. who wasn’t paying attention at all, distracted by his girlfriend. 

there’s a pause as everyone processes what had happened, sinhwa looking as surprised as everyone feels, before -- 

“what the flying fuck --” 

“that was a 40 dollar bottle of quality vodka --” 

“we know you don’t like vodka but the rest of us people would like to enjoy free alcohol, thank you very much.” 

“YAH. KANG SINA. I WILL FUCKING END YOU --” 

“merlin, stop fighting everyone,” saebom interjects, tugging his girlfriend towards him with an arm around her waist and she flails against his hold before ultimately giving up, huffing to herself as she also settles herself down in his lap. though, that doesn’t do much and she glances up and eyes the male. 

“i will still fucking end you,” she says seriously, almost seriously enough that it’s almost believable that she might not be as drunk as she seemed a few moments ago. “but not until the baby is born.” 

the silence in the room is deafening -- ignoring the pounding music outside of the room -- everyone between jess and sinhwa as the male splutters in his surprise before megan slaps him on the shoulder. “i told you you were being too obvious!” 

the gasp from jess is audible, before she grins and nadine immediately reaches up to high five her. they miss the first one, but the resounding smack of their connecting palms is as satisfying as it is painful. 

“i fucking told you!” 

“i can’t believe we were right!” 

“i can’t believe you didn’t tell us --” 

at that last outburst, both megan and sinhwa look sheepish. they exchange a glance before megan shakes her head slightly, her hand going to rest on her stomach, just a further confirmation of what had just been revealed. “we were planning to tell you guys on this trip, honestly, but we all sort of got caught up in everything.”

with the combined glares of half the people in the room, sinhwa apologizes profusely, though he keeps a protective hand around megan’s shoulders the entire time and a bright, proud smile on his face. everyone is quiet for a moment, the only sound the pounding music outside of their private room, until saebom quietly flicks his wand to clean up the mess and dry everyone off. 

nadine just sighs, fond, glancing at the row of empty shot glasses on the table, forlornly.

“you’re getting us a new bottle of vodka.” 

--

the ski lodge is well-known for their hot springs, considering these ones are apparently on a magical fault line and have some restorative powers or whatever, and that’s where everyone heads once dinner is finished. it doesn’t take long for everyone to change into their swimwear and trudge down to the large glass doors that lead out to the hot springs, deciding to spend it all together since it’s the last night.

the heat from the hot springs combat nicely with the crisp winter air, and it doesn’t even feel that old to be stepping outside in nothing but their swimsuits. 

though, it’s still a relief to slide into the hot water, everyone sidled up to their respective significant others as they take in the hot water and cool night air. “beer?” minseok asks, having brought a charmed cooler along and there’s a cheer that goes up as he starts passing chilled bottles out. 

“cheers to our annual ski trip!” jess calls out in the middle of a heated conversation about brooms -- interrupting minseok and saebom as they debate with seungyeon over which was the best out of the newer models -- stealing saebom’s bottle from him to toast it, raising the half finished bottle into the air. there’s a loud chorus of everyone toasting each other, clinking bottles together. 

seungyeon toasts the newest model of starsweeper with a sideway glance at saebom and minseok, both of whom just laugh and shake their heads in amusement, never willing to fight with their maknae despite being the professional quidditch players of the group. 

chanuk toasts arazely’s heart, thanking her quietly for everything she’s given him in his life, grinning as he ends it with a loud “WOOHOO!” which brings laughter to the group, as all the boys try to out-cheese each other, resulting in jess trying to dunk saebom underwater when he says something, in her words, “utterly disgusting.” 

arazely toasts their friendship, giving a short yet heartwarming speech on why everyone was a blessing in their group and reducing half of them to tears. nadine subtly wipes her eyes before she stands, holding out her beer to megan, who’s holding a soda. 

“cheers to your future son or daughter meg,” she grins, tilting the bottle slightly before lifting it into the air, and they all cheer again before attempting to chug the whole thing (and failing). “may the next ski trip be a family one!” 

they laugh, everyone all too amused at her failed attempt at chugging, once again, as they relax under the stars. 

megan glances around at her friends, feeling very, very content with how things have worked out for everyone. she eyes the rest of the couples, glad that everyone had paired up rather successfully even though most of them hadn’t tied the knot yet. it was only a matter of time, she was sure. 

“wanna bet nadine and minseok get married next?” 

“you wish.”