#and also i’m working on a batb production right now and batb is the only animated movie to ever be nominated for best picture? yes. obviousl

[skywitchmaja]

hot take: beauty and the beast, at least the disney version i’m familiar with, falls under the austenian umbrella of “i won’t fix him, he can fix himself if he knows what’s good for him” (you’ve seen that one post i hope) and if you do think it’s an “i can fix him!” story you are missing the whole point.

[callmemythicalminx]

Birds and the Bees 4- DBH Connor x Reader

Can be read as a stand alone!

Fandom: Detroit:Become Human

Warning: Talking ‘bout sex, Awkwardness

Summary: Now that you and Connor have been doing ‘The Devil’s Tango’ for a few months now, you’ve noticed something recently that seems too insane to be true. It’s time for you to see if it’s actually possible. 

A/N: I had to write another part of BATB for my first fanfic back after being away for so long. You guys really love this series and it’s one of my favourites too. Every since finishing part 3.5, I always wanted to add more as there’s definitely more ideas to be told with Connor and his innocense. I feel like this might be the last one, but who knows, I might write more in the future...

-----------------

What. The. Fuck! 

This is actually happening. The stick in your hands confirms it- you’re pregnant. For the past two months, you’d noticed that you’d missed a few periods, nearly every morning waking up with a trip to the bathroom to throw up and your tiredness had been getting worse everyday too. You’d had initial ideas that it might just be stress or your irregular cycle making you feel ill, but eventually you had to come to the absolutely insane idea that you may actually be pregnant with Connor’s baby. 

You’d tried to put off taking a test because your mind refused to believe this could be happening. Not that you don’t want a kid, you’d love to have little versions of Connor and yourself running around. But you want kids much further in the future. And also, there’s the teeny tiny odd question of how the hell this has happened! You’re human. Connor is an android. For this exact reason, the two of you haven’t been bothering with protection with all the sex you’ve been having, as you’re both clean and your boyfriend is infertile- or so you thought. 

You don’t even know how he’s going to react to this. Will he be happy or sad? And how is everyone else going to react? Yourself and Connor have only been dating for over a year, so it’s much too soon to be having children. You take in a deep breath, sighing as you move your hands down to your stomach.

“I don’t know how you got in there little Floobie, but here you are. God, I hope your Daddy is gonna be okay with this”.

You walk into the living room to see Connor seated on the couch trying to complete one of his puzzles, the stick containing the proof of your future feeling like a burning weight in your sweaty palm as you approach him. 

“Connor? I- I uh- I have something I need to show you” You announce, breaking him from his deep concentration as he stares at the pieces in his hand.

“Y/N? Is everything alright? You look really pale and I can detect your temperature rising rapidly”.

You let out a short laugh, walking forward to rest your free hand on his arm as you take a seat beside him. “I’m fine Connor, I’m just a little nervous. I’ve just found out some big news”. He opens his mouth to question you, but your worried look has him stopping short. Instead of telling him, you decide to instead place the test in his hand so he can see it for himself.

As you move to do so, a million thoughts race through Connor’s mind. Are you sick? Are you leaving him? Are you finally gonna get a dog and you’re putting a collar in his hand? With trepidation, he opens his palm as your closed hand begins to open, his eyes flickering quickly as he tries to figure out what you’re about to give him. When the light weight of the stick falls into his hand, his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion and he tilts his head slightly to the side. You hold your breath as he brings the test closer to his face, his face tilting (nearly touching his shoulder now) as he inspects it. 

You wait for a reaction, a smile or a frown, anything. But he just continues to look at it. You begin to fear the worse when he finally looks up at you and-

“It’s not working”.

You copy his earlier movement as your own head now turns in confusion, looking at Connor's oddly very calm face. 

“What-what do you mean? I just used it. I just used three of them actually to make sure it was right”.

“So you are ill then? Y/N, darling, you should have just come to me, you didn’t need to waste your money buying these things. I am quite advanced with this sort of health observation, thanks to Cyberlife, but you already know that. Which is why I don’t understand why you’d-”.

“Wait, hold on Connor, what do you think this actually is” You ask, incredulously.

 “Um… A thermometer. As I said darling, it’s quite easy for me to simply look at you and take an accurate reading of your temperature, in fact I’ve noticed recently-”.

“Connor I’m pregnant”. 

He stops for just a moment. Then…

“Oh yes, I already know. Like I was saying, I’ve noticed recently that your bodily readings have been different than usual these past few months and on more than one occasion, I have detected that you’ve been sick in the mornings and hid it from me. I was getting so worried that I just decided to do a full body scan while you were sleeping one night and that’s when I realised there was new life growing inside you”.

“Connor… I-I… You... You knew I was pregnant?! W- why didn’t you tell me?”.

“I thought you already knew? Because of your periods? When a woman discontinues having a monthly release of blood, is it clear to see that she’s pregnant with new life. That and you haven’t been buying any new sanitary products or telling me to go out on calorie hauls everytime you go through that specific time”.

You breathe a deep sigh, of both relief and shock. In fairness, you probably should have realised Connor would have been able to sense you were pregnant- he is the most advanced detective android there is. You guess that your disbelieving of the possibility of this happening also overlooked the fact that your boyfriend is a robot genius.

“If you already thought I was pregnant, did you not question why I hadn’t told you?”

He looks away sheepishly, lifting his hand to scratch the back of his neck. “I thought this was something that women just deal with on their own, the male doesn’t really do much in most cases of animals. The female is the one who cares for the baby with her body, the male is just there to protect and keep them both safe. So I thought it was just a way for you to keep ‘the bun in the oven’ to make sure you’re looking after it okay”. 

You blink. You blink again. Then you let out a small laugh and bury your face in your hands shaking your head. That has to be the weirdest thing to come out of your boyfriend's mouth, even after everything he’s said these past few months. When you look back up at Connor again, you see him looking at you, head titled again and you let out another laugh, leaning up to give him a quick kiss. 

“Oh Connor… We’re not animals, even though we do act like them sometimes, especially rabbits,” You let out another small laugh, while Connor smiles nodding in agreement “, Couples bring their babies into the world together, supporting each other. Granted the woman does do pretty much all of the work, but the man doesn’t just ‘protect’ and keep them safe, though it is appreciated. They help keep the mother healthy, comfortable, relaxed, loved- like you will right? You do want this baby don’t you Connor?”

“Of course, this is what I’ve wanted since we first made love”.

“Wait… what?”.

“Well, ever since you told me that sex is primarliy to create new life, I have been questioning Cyberlife about installing a new function within me to make me fertile. Though I have been quite enjoying our love making, I still haven’t been able to get the thought out of my head that we haven’t been doing it properly. So thankfully, Cyberlife agreed, on the grounds that it will be a good step in the right direction of progressing human-android relations”.

“So when did you become fertile?”.

“About half a year ago, maybe more”.

“Jesus, Connor, we’ve been having so much sex, it’ll be a wonder if I’m not pregant with twins”.

“I know, I’m surprised it took that long for you to become pregnant. And, statistically speaking, twins are only 3-4 out of every 1000 births, and there are many contributing factors. Sex can contribute to some extent, but it in our case it seems to have helped massively. Just last night, I did a scan again and saw that there are in fact two life forms inside you- how did you know darling?”

“Only 3-4 out of every 1000 births, eh? Well, that’s- WAIT WHAT?!?”

---------------------

“What the fuck?! Twins” Hank utters as he places his half eaten burger down on his arm rest. 

To be honest, it probably wasn’t the best idea for you and Connor to tell him that you're having two children at this specific moment in time, eating the food that you had brought him for dinner to help ease this situation. The smarter thing to do would have been to tell him before, then give him the burger and drink from his favourite takeaway to calm him down. But as you sit there next to Connor with guilty smiles on your faces as you look at a horrified Hank who looks like he’s gonna be sick, you definitely know you should have told him sooner. 

“Wait, wait, wait, how is this even possible?! You’re an android and Y/N’s human, how does that work?”

You begrudgingly reply “It’s a long story”.

Connor however has no shame and immediately launches into re-telling the story of how you two began having sex. You have no power to stop him as you know this story is getting told no matter what because he is Connor afterall, so you simply sit back and stare down at your wine glass in embarrassment, feeling like you’ve been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. 

Every once in a while, you’ll look up and see Hank growing progressively more green as your boyfriend retells how he first asked about sex and then anal, and then your many different sexual escapades including the one where he was in a meeting with Amanada, and then finally how you got pregant. Connor, still as innocent as ever, goes into great, unneeded detail not realising that this isn’t something he should really be telling his dad. Even Sumo looks sick, paws nearly over his ears as he lays at your feet. 

Finally after some time to reflect on what has just been said to him, Hank, looking equivalent to a cucumber in colour and looking faint, mumbles “So you two rabbits have been doing it everywhere huh?”.

As Connor happily nods in response, you sit in shame, taking a much needed gulp of wine, then another as Hank takes a big sip of his own drink.

 “We even did it on your desk.

Wine. Soda. Everywhere. Again.

*Sigh*

-----------------

A/N: I realise a year later that I wrote the reader to be drinking alcohol during this... while she's pregnant. Don't drink if you're pregnant fellas, my dumbass forgot that 😌

[tubofskippy]

Yes, let's talk about Josh Gad and the fact that he single-handedly saved quarantine and 2020 as a whole

YES LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT

Right when the shutdown happened, he posted this.

Right away I knew I would be looking to him. He always has been one to support everyone, he speaks out against injustices, he sends his love to individual people and families going through hardships, but of course, this time it’s very different. The globe is adapting to a new, scary way of life. When I read his first statement, I just knew I could look to him for... a grounded feeling, I guess? I remember crying in fear those first few nights, away from my family. But when I needed a laugh or smile I rewatched Josh’s movies. And then the bedtime readings began. Just the fact he was doing them for us, knowing how scared we were (he was too), just 10 minutes of focused reading was so much help. I’ll bet it was even more cathartic and fun for confused kids who didn’t know why they couldn’t leave their houses or see their friends at school. Even more exciting to be talked to by the voice of their favorite snowman. But for the adults - reverting back to a childlike state, not having to do anything, nostalgic for a comforting figure reading sweet, short stories, and forgetting to look too far ahead, it was just what I needed. The fact that the readings were live made it feel so much realer, much more intimate than watching tv. He’s just a person trapped in his house like the rest of us. He really cares about everyone. I looked forward to them every night.

What came next were the At Home With Olaf shorts. I don’t think I even saw them all — but they were very sweet and calming! These were mainly a product of Hyrum Osmand. But they wouldn’t have been brought to life without Josh. I bet kids really loved seeing the shorts come out routinely. Kudos to Hyrum, Jen Lee, and the team for working hard on those at home.

Also - the song that Josh recorded as Olaf “I Am With You” by Bobby & Kristen got me choked up and it is 100% worth mentioning.

Followed by 2 appearances on abc’s Disney Family (at home) Singalong.

And then came Reunited Apart. REUNITED APART. Probably the most ingenious and heartwarming thing anyone could have ever brought about during this lockdown nightmare. Six iconic films. Six fundraisers. Over $200,000 raised for charities.

The Goonies - $31,847 to The Center for Disaster Philanthropy

Back to The Future - $23,575 to Project HOPE

Splash - $21,765 to The DigDeep Right to Water Project

Lord of The Rings - $163,417 to No Kid Hungry (plus a 1.3 MILLION donation from Cheerios!)

Ghostbusters - $17,434 to Equal Justice Initiative

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - $12,793 to Children of Restaurant Employees

That’s INCREDIBLE. Not only has it done so much for these causes, but also, brought these 1980s classic casts and crew members together in a way that, back then, they never would have thought possible! Some of these guys admitted that they hadn’t even seen each other since the 80s. It was pure fun and an absolute joy to watch them reminisce. Josh geeking out with us as fans, and learning more about the ins and outs of these films we know and love so well... it’s the best thing that ever could have come out of this quarantine.

I also am really glad about how Josh has been using his platform to speak out against systematic racism and anti-blackness, especially these past few months. He’s been educating himself, making donations, attending protests, advocating for systematic change, supporting/having conversations with Black creators and artists. An excellent example of what non-black people should be doing during this time.

If you don’t follow him on Twitter already, I highly recommend it. He is very up to date on current events and very disgusted with our current lack of leadership, and he lets it be known. But he is balancing the anger and the sadness with laughter and virtual hugs, comforting those that he can, and raising awareness to those who still need convincing.

Here are some other honorable mentions since quarantine started:

Letting us know that it’s okay to cry ❤️

Sharing a secret video of him twerking to “maniac” as Mulch Diggums just because... we really needed it

Supporting small businesses

Singing When I’m Older with his daughter, Ava

Leaving an Olaf message to grieving children who lost family members to covid-19

Sharing jokes from his unreleased Muppets script that was scrapped from Disney+

PERFORMING BAPTIZE ME WITH NIKKI M. JAMES to raise money for covid-19 relief efforts

Teasing us with updates on the BatB prequel series

UMMM CENTRAL PARK?

Appearing on Jimmy Kimmel’s show dressed as a giant strawberry

His insane tribute to John Hughes

This important conversation with Asmeret Ghebremichael

and much more...

I love Josh. I really love him. I can’t get over how genuinely wonderful he is. I’m so thankful to have him to draw joy, knowledge, and inspiration from, especially right now. He has been such a rock during all of this. (To some, an angry rock that tumbles down the hill right at you, but hey, people are in need some motivation too.) What a guy. ❤️

[superbatson]

tagged by @chestnutblondehead

Rules: Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. Don’t cheat. Tag some people.

roswell, new mexico

zoey's extraordinary playlist

the witcher

the healing powers of dude

high school musical: the musical: the series

Who is your favorite character in 2?

i feel like i gotta say leif bc he's my icon and i love mtg A Lot. and it wouldn't be wrong, i definitely think leif is my favorite from the show. but i do love zoey too, i have to admit. she's a very close second. (and she would be #1 if i didn't love hot villains so much, lol)

Who is your least favorite character in 1?

can i say isobel? i feel bad saying isobel but i guess with all the possession stuff in s1, i just felt i couldn't like her, especially before we found out about the possession stuff and i thought it was a dual personality thing. i haven't started s2 so maybe she'll grow on me in those eps.

What is your favorite episode of 4?

ughhhh they all really blur together. i mean, not in a bad way, but they were really so closely tied to one another - i guess episode 5, "middle school musical". it was sweet seeing noah and simon supporting amara, and i felt it was a good episode to represent disabled people. i mean, it really shined a light on the way society treats them, and it ended up with said disabled lead amara finally getting her time to shine. who knew she could sing so well?

What is your favorite season of 5?

it's only got the one so far, lol. so i guess i have to say that's my favorite for now, but it probably won't be for long with s2 focusing on a production of batb

Who is your favorite couple in 3?

they're not canon (yet) but geralt/jaskier. obviously. let the bard be gay for the hot monster killer!

Who is your favorite couple in 2?

can i just say leif/tobin to avoid any sort of controversy? so... leif/tobin. (the coder boyfriends!)

Who is your favorite actor in 4?

jace chapman is an excellent child actor. he particularly shines in the scenes where noah is experiencing intense anxiety. they're so similar to how i feel/act/think when i'm anxious, so i was really able to see myself in the character. i have to say, i do love larisa oleynik and tom everett scott too as noah's parents. they're fun, cute, and dorky without seeming incompetent and they really do have noah's best interest at heart. it was really sweet to see and i almost wish they could be my parents, lol. (though i also think they're pretty as hell so that probably wouldn't work out for me, haha)

Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

apples and oranges, man. like, one's a cheesy teen drama, another is a heartfelt musical dramedy, and the other is... well, a teen dramedy? okay, so there are some similarities, but it's hard for me to choose. i can say that zep is the one i enjoy most right now, just 'cause it's such a feel-good show to watch with everything going on in the world right now, but overall? i might have to say hsmtmts, just 'cause i really feel so attached to those characters/that world as a whole (even if the pacing of s1 got a little messy at times).

Which show have you seen more episodes of - 1 or 3?

roswell, new mexico. ironically, though, i really need to play catch-up on both. i now have several s2 eps of rnm to watch, and the second half of witcher s1!

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

i literally am noah, let me just put that out there. like i relate to him so much, he's basically me when i was his age, just i'm a girl and he's a boy. i guess if i had to pick a character to be, maybe amara? bc she's a friend of his so she gets to kinda see things from the outside and help him out when he's struggling. (though poor girl is also pining for him hard, ugh, tween love is so messy. i never had a legit crush on a boy till i was 14, so i'd probably be safe in that regard.)

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

wow i really mixed up my own numbers here and started writing about a witcher/zep crossover, whoops

hell no. witcher is a bloody adult fantasy and healing powers of dude is a sweet kids' show. a crossover would never work. (though now i'm thinking about jaskier and geralt being father figures for lost orphan noah and i'm emo. it's such a crack-y concept but i like it lol)

Pair two characters in 1 that would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

from what i can remember in s1, michael & liz had a fun dynamic. sort of a love-hate thing (as opposed to her and max which was nothing but love). i think they'd make an interesting pair. especially given the end of s1, as they'd bond over their shared grief over max.

What is your favorite episode of 1?

pffft i don't know. i almost wanna say the pilot, just bc it was the first scripted show i'd started watching after, like, a whole semester of barely watching anything, and it also brought me back to the cw after i quit watching the flash. plus, i obviously didn't really know what to expect, so i was impressed with the way the show got me invested in both max/liz and michael/alex in the span of one 42-minute episode.

What is your favorite episode of 5?

i also gotta say the pilot bc it was probably the funniest episode, in that it felt the most like some sort of self-aware mockumentary comedy, and the end cover of "start of something new" made me super nostalgic for the original hsm film. both of those elements kinda faded as the show went on and we got so invested in the characters, so, yeah. it was fun while it lasted.

What is your favorite season of 2?

it's only got the one, so again, that's kinda the only one i can give as my answer? but hopefully it gets renewed for at least a second 👀

How long have you watched 1?

it premiered in... like january, i think, of last year, so... since then. like a year, though as i keep saying, gotta play catch up on s2.

How did you become interested in 3?

henry cavill. yeah, that's it. he's hot and it was his first major project following the rumors about him being out as superman, so i wanted to see what it was all about. also, considering it's netflix, i was kinda hoping we'd see his ass, but apparently we do not. netflix can give us pine penis but not cavill ass. Sigh.

Overall, which show had the better storyline, 3 or 5?

i guess hsmtmts bc it kept me the most engaged? but it was also not bingeable, so. kinda hard to accurately compare the two. but i guess that's my answer, bc witcher was kinda confusing at times (and i haven't watched it since like late december/early january)

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4?

neither really has an official theme song, unless you count the music that plays over the title card at the beginning of their respective episodes. i guess i like the matching band sound of hsmtmts', but they're both so short to compare to one another.

if you ask me to compare soundtracks, i might also have to give an edge to hsmtmts just bc of the nostalgia factor and their amazing original songs. sorry, zep!

i tag: @waystobewicked @willlamschofield and anyone else who wants to do this bc i'm too lazy to tag rn lol

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

- L o r d

- Okay so Tom has finally quit, we’re proud of him. But now there’s two other guys working the sound right- This guy Chris who I vaguely recognize did the shows when I was in them but never spoke to, and this kid Ian who has a streak of grey hair that I was unable to discern if it was done intentionally or if he’s just That Stressed

- So it was hectic with that because they like....lowkey couldn’t figure out what they wanted me to do lmao like I was working and stuff but I think currently their only plan is to have me run the sound effects during the show and there’s like...only five of them lmao. They’re trying to figure out a better plan

- When I came in the Lion King soundtrack was playing over the speaker but then it snagged and just started going ‘hehehehehehehehehe’ the kids were Shaken

- So I personally hate the Lion King and these two guys have never seen it so I actually had to sit there and explain everything that was happening and give character names and they just. Were not absorbing the information omfg

- The costumes......................................................

-The costumes

- Listen

- The Grown Lions(tm) have those cool head pieces that look like African Masks but they wear as hats, those are good. The baby lions look a little ridiculous but they’re cute as hell so no one cares. Zazu’s costume doesn’t really inspire ‘bird’ but it’s cute. They all like....fit the usual color scheme of the show, you know?

- But then we got these Giraffes....oh my God. Like, they’re ADORABLE- the girls are in yellow leotards and they have long giraffe necks+smiling heads strapped on their back and they carry the legs. It’s super cute but like....they’re BRIGHT yellow. Like, cartoonishly yellow. And it just super clashes with all the other costumes????

- And then the other animals are pretty much just in tights and brown or grey shirts. THE FUCKING ELEPHANTS THO. They have these poor girls in plain grey sweats, right, but then they gave them these fucking.....bright pink sparkly hats with the ears and the trunks on them?? And the trunks are like, above their foreheads, like they don’t cover their face, so when they stand profile on the stage they jus tloook like a bunch of flamingos flying away asdfghjk. AND THEN. They came onstage for Circle of Life....waving their arms.....as if they were their trunks??????? The trunk is already on the costume????? What happened to these elephants lord

- The kid playing Scar....listen. He’s having fun. That’s clear. That’s great! Does he have to scream every line at the top of his lungs????

- The script: SCAR(whispers)- Long Live The King

This kid: “LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG LIVE THE KIIIIIIIIN NGGGGG MWUHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

-like please calm down a bit asdfghj

- Wait back to those fucking giraffes for a hot sec. There were like....two different music numbers where they just came out without the heads or legs??? Just some girls in some bright yellow dresses???? What in the world????

- They actually made it to act two? Literally everyone was shocked

- Like they got thru act one and the director was like ‘what time is- oh? We still have an hour and a half? Uhhhh okay?????’ like there were audible gasps throughout the theater lmao

- Did not finish act two tho omfg they got to the scene where Nala finds Simba, Timon and Pumbaa and after a couple takes the director literally just Quit lmao she was like ‘we’re just gonna call it here since apparently no one knows their lines you can all go home’ sdfghj

- I told the man that I had worked on the soundboard before but his was Slightly More Complicated so he thought I couldn’t handle it and he tried to go through and explain how everything worked to me and I got so lost I was literally like Sir Listen The Spirit Just Inhabits My Body And Presses Buttons When Shit Goes Down. We needn’t add science or reason to that 

- Lmao but I was in fact able to run it fine when he ducked out for a bit

- THERE IS NO SET

- N O S E T

- They have??? I guess???? It’s supposed to be Pride Rock???? Sure. And then it turns around and theres a little nook in it so it’s the Hyena’s lair or whatever the hell.

- Nothing else?????????? There’s a giant screen in the back and I was like “Oh, okay, they’re just gonna use projections for setting like we did with Hair. Fine, cheap, not a big deal” BUT THERE’S NO PROJECTIONS??????

- They’re just using it to bounce light off please kill me....like the director was all ‘light is a very important part of lion king’ and it is!!! But like it went from a red-orange backdrop for the dessert and then Simba goes to the jungle right and like....you’d think maybe just. Project a pic of some jungle trees??? Nope!!!! Just green lights!!! There’s a scene where they’re talking about the stars and there just. Aren’t even any stars projected on this thing just...blue purple lights alright fuck me I guess

- I was cackling during circle of life bc for the part where Raffiki is presenting baby Simba they deadass have like the stuffed Simba toy you’d get at the Disney store asdfgh but I lost it because instead of like, reverently picking up the kid and slowly holding him high over the crowd the girl just. Roughly grabbed it in one hand and held it out at arms length asdfgh it was so funny okay

- For a solid 40 minutes the two guys I was with were trying to discreetly figure out how old I am like at first they were like ‘do you.......Know this cast?’ and I was like ‘uhhh I recognize the one kid from batb and Pippin but they’re all really young you know’ and they were like ‘hmm’ and then the director mentioned I used to be in shows and they were like ‘so did you just stop or did you........age out?’ and I was like ‘yeah pretty much. My last show was West Side Story’ and this man’s jaw DROPPED he was like ‘that was......like four years ago!’ and I was like yeah it was!!! and then finally after a while of this the other guy just flat out asked ‘so are you a high schooler or like a college student’ please kill me I am 22 years old asdsdfgh

- They went to some different company for all the equipment and they were so proud because ‘wow the mics sound really better :) We won’t have any problems with this show :)‘ and I was like uh dudes something always goes wrong with the mics and they wouldn’t listen

- mic one started acting up

- they were so shocked lmao

- And tbh still not sure what they issue was???? At first I thought it was just young Simba’s costume bc with the other two shows I've worked with that kid on, his costumes ALWAYS refuse to cooperate with the mics, it’s his brand at this point lol

- But then it was crackling and getting feedback when he wasn’t even moving and THEN when we switched it to Grown Nala it got even worse lmao. They tried changing the station, the batteries, the back, and the wire like dear God

- When I was collecting mics at the end of rehearsal Timon handed me hers and it was just....fucking shredded what did this girl do!!! 

- We couldn’t find the girl to give mic six to so I asked the director and she’s like ‘she’s absent today...........she’s barely been to any of the rehearsals’ JUDI. JUDI JUST RECAST HER JFC YOU’VE HAD WEEKS!!!!

- Oh and mic seven broke before we could even get it on a kid so uh yeah....normal enough I guess

- like inherently I know there’s gotta be some 12/13 year olds in the cast but we are all terrified to trust the kids to do mic switches themselves backstage lmao like please no. Not for the Infants!!! so tomorrow I might just camp out back there to make sure nothing gets broken again lmao

- young simba mic switches with grown nala and the dude on soundboard was so....weird about it like apparently it messed up a frequency or something??? I couldn’t really follow but apparently it was an Issue that nala’s voice was deeper than simba’s like he kept going on about it and I'm like ‘one of them....is a four foot tall boy who hasn’t hit puberty and the other....is a teenage alto’ but this just did not Connect for him that it made sense that girl had the deeper voice help me

- Also I'm not....much of a conversationalist around strangers, and I've got a nervous giggle, and he was so lowkey offended by it like he assumed I just didn’t give a shit about anything he was saying bc I just kept saying ‘yeah yeah’ with a giggle like sir!!!! it’s my default setting!!!! I just already know what you’re talking about what am I supposed to do!!!!!!

- like just the fact that he felt the need to Call It Out like please dude I'm just hear trying to help like??? I literally don’t have to be there why would he assume I didn’t care????? 

- we somehow started talking about Les Mis 2014 for some reason and he was trying to tell me how stressful it was with the band and all the solos and stuff and I was like.....sir yeah I was a soloist in that show I Know lmao. I remember the band. No One was calm during those rehearsals lmao

- We were apparently told that this would be a Keyboard Only production but then like....other people with other instruments....just kinda.....showed up lol

- I'm missing stuff but I only slept for like an hour and a half last night so....I'm dead. anyway I currently have zero predictions for how this show is gonna turn out???? send prayers 

[ezramaria]

Top Five Things I love and hate about live action Beauty and the Beast

Love - 1. Belle, the song. Loved it in the trailer, loved it in the film. Loved Emma’s singing voice in general. It was simple and British. Wouldn’t mind listening to it when I get a hold of the soundtrack. When she started with “little town, it’s a quiet village,” my heart was filled with glee and I had goosebumps all over. Autotune schmautotune, she sang sweet. 2. Maurice. Cartoon Maurice was a little neurotic, while Kevin Kline Maurice was a little subdued. That he was an artist and not an inventor worked for me. I also really liked his song and its continuation sang by Belle in Paris. How does a moment last forever? How does a story never die? 3. Be Our Guest. the whole scene was so psychedelic and Emma was so pretty. I don’t mind that they decided to forego Human Again cos Be Our Guest was too big a production already. 4. Something There. Perhaps my favorite part in the movie is when Belle put up her hood, just like in the cartoon, and sang “there’s something sweet and almost kind, but he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined,” cos this time, the writers put extra effort in showing how Belle and the Beast grew to like each other. Now, I’m a little less convinced that Belle has Stockholm Syndrome. 5. The lynching scene. Crazy Gaston and his mob were on point as they lit their torches and stormed to the beast’s castle. For me, it was the most well-performed number in the movie. Hate - (okay, I’m going to rant) 1. Emma’s acting. I really believed she could have been a perfect Belle. I was ECSTATIC when I first learned of the casting. I’ve had my fair share of the Emma Watson craze and as a person, you can tell that she’s more of a Belle than Belle herself. She has the same look, the same ideals, the same easy character, but put her in a costume and let her act like the Disney princess and ironically, you get disillusioned. Her acting in BatB was a little underwhelming and a little reminiscent of her subpar acting in the Sofia Coppola mistake that was the Bling Ring and that over-the-top meltdown she had in Goblet of Fire after the Yule Ball. She has got to learn how to snap out of her annoyed Hermione face cos she tends to set it as her default angry/anxious/worried face and it doesn’t make me happy. 2. The musical score. There was something off about it. I love Alan Menken; he writes such beautiful Disney songs that transcend generations, but there was something so uncomplimentary about the score for the live action version that didn’t sit well with me. Maybe the volume? Cos there were parts which required a grand orchestral sound but the music always fell short, killing potentially great scenes. I know, I’m nitpicking, but music ALWAYS makes or breaks a movie for me. Sorry, but this time, I just wasn’t awed. 3. The set. There’s a good reason why I get so giddy with live action versions of my childhood favorites; I love having my disbelief suspended every now and then and I don’t mind venturing into fantastical worlds, even musical ones. Having real actors play beloved characters bring me closer to the fairy tale that my 10-year old self so aspired to be a part of. I mean, the best thing about bringing the cartoon to life is the fact that you can put yourself in the actor’s shoes and picture yourself in a different world, right? They did it with Cinderella and Jungle Book (and even Tarzan), but Beauty and the Beast, the movie which could have really set the bar, felt a little too staged for me. The little town was too crowded and the castle was too Whosville-esque. It felt like a skit on film. Les Miserables 2012 was as broadway as it could be, but it was set in the real world. Why couldn’t they have done it with Beauty and the Beast? 4. How little it added to the cartoon version. In the words of my thesis adviser during the early stages of my project, “there’s no added value.” No spoiler alert for this post cos there’s nothing to spoil. It was exactly like the cartoon version, give or take a few songs and tweaks. I mean, yeah, the Paris scene was cool, but that took like, what, 5 minutes? Maybe even less. And I understand that Belle and the Beast are pretty dynamic characters and we can do away without the dramatic adjustments, but they could have given Belle more zest and the Beast more humanity. The effort was there, you can see it, but they did not pull through. Why, writers, why? Lynch me like they did the Beast but even Vanessa Hudgen’s Beastly had a more novel approach than Emma Watson’s Beauty and the Beast. 5. Beast’s transformation. There’s only one word (non-word) that I can describe it with - MEH. Admittedly, the magical transformation from beast to prince in the cartoon is one of my favorite Disney moments (others being Simba’s cub’s christening and the restoration of Pride Rock, Ursula’s defeat, and Mulan’s display of extraordinary strength rivaling that of a man). I love Dan Stevens and I’ve always had a crush on him, especially after watching The Guest, but in this film, I hope he stayed as a beast. The transformation was so anti-climactic and rushed, it bombed what I hoped would be the film’s saving grace.

[inkwellco]

FOCUS ON... SIMONE SAULT

Australian Simone Sault, star of stage and screen, has taken time out on her return home to Australia to chat with us.

Hi Simone, how’s your visit home been? Beautiful thank you. It’s always glorious coming back and seeing my family and friends here in Australia. Plus the sunshine is what I bottle up and take back to the UK, especially this time of year!

You’ve had quite a career. Can you tell us a bit about your earlier life, both in what drove you to choose dance, and the training you completed? I studied classical ballet from the age of 7yrs at the National Theatre Ballet School. I was blessed to have been taught by wonderful artists and teachers, including the late Kathy Gorham, Gailene Stock, Eileen Tasker,  Jonathan Kelly, Joanne Michel, Terese Power, all incredible dancers with Australian Ballet at the time. I trained daily and after leaving school at 14yrs old (I know!) I studied dance, still at the National, full time for 3 years before entering the professional world. As clichéd as it sounds, I don't recall a time where I didn’t want to dance. It just clicked, even at 7yrs old, it felt like breathing.

And you worked quite a bit in Australia with the Sydney Dance Company, what was that like, and how did that help set the foundation for working overseas? I adored my time with Sydney Dance Company (SDC). I had come from the Australian production of Phantom Of The Opera, back into the dance world (what I had trained for) and I was so consumed by my work, tours, and opportunities that I soaked it up daily for the 7 yrs I was there. My work with SDC was unique in the fact that, under the direction of Graeme Murphy and Janet Vernon at the time, it was a classically based contemporary Company, but with a strong emphasis on the actor/character /personality side of each member. Graeme is wonderful at extracting from you what only YOU can bring to a piece/role with the movement almost seeming secondary. I have always loved the storytelling side to a role. With this in mind, my experience with the Company aided me to continue to pursue my career overseas as I just didn’t have an agenda, I literally landed here in the UK and made a promise to myself, to say yes to any and all opportunities that came my way. Ones that assisted me in furthering my development as an artist…dancer, actor, collaborater, creative. A pact that, thus far, has held me in good stead. -Touch wood-

How do the two compare? Working in Australia versus working overseas? It’s really hard to compare the two I feel. Something I have always said is, I believe the training in Australia is second to none. However the opportunities are not always there, or indeed as plentiful as they are here in London and New York for example. Hence why I feel very lucky to have the best of both worlds, be an Aussie and take the rest of the world for everything it’s got! London has been so very good to me. There’s not a day that passes where I don't feel humbled, and above all grateful for the jobs and in particular the talent that I work with and for.

You’ve been involved in some major productions, including Phantom of the Opera, Chicago, Sinatra and On The Town, productions one can only hope to be involved in. How do you go about preparing for roles, and how do you approach each audition? Auditions are never easy, nor that enjoyable if I'm going to be honest! Why do we do it to ourselves?! It’s taken me a while to figure it out, but I do honestly believe that if the job/role is meant to come your way, it will, good audition or not. The best advice, the only advice actually is, BE yourself. Prepare of course, but just trust in what will be will be. I find that takes a lot of the stress out it. And what has always been the case for me is, if I have missed out on something I really wanted, something else from left field always shows up and I think, “thank God I didn’t get so and so because NOW I’m doing this!”

You’re also quite an accomplished choreographer, with credits including: Love Never Dies, Strictly Come Dancing and the London Olympic Games ceremonies, what a diverse range of opportunities, what were some of the standout moments from each? Oh wow, yes, I feel very lucky to be working for Graeme and Janet once again (original Choreographers of Love Never Dies) and working for someone like Danny Boyle for the London 2012 Games was rather surreal I must say. Opening Ceremony with the World watching was as good as it gets I think! That is definitely a highlight, he was/is extraordinary. I love working creatively as it continues to open my eyes to a craft that I have been involved in for a long time now, yet at times, depending on what I’m working on and who with, I feel like the student all over again… keeps you fresh!

We’ve also seen you venture on to screen, both TV and Film. Can you tell us a bit about your work on Alice in Wonderland, particularly working with Director Tim Burton, whom you’ve previously worked with on Sweeney Todd? Other credits of yours include work on Rob Marshall’s Nine, Kath and Kimderella and the TV show Galavant. That’s quite a range of diverse productions, how did you prepare for these varying roles? Tim Burton is exactly how you think he would be, brilliantly colourful and a real visionary. A gorgeous woman by the name of Francesca Jaynes choreographs nearly all of his movies, we worked very closely with her as well. With Kath and Kimderella, I had just finished working with the incredibly talented Gina Riley on the Australian production of Chicago when she offered me the role of an Hispanic lesbian that flirts with Magda Zubanski’s character, Sharon Strzelecki… as you do! It was short and sweet but I had an absolute blast. My opportunity to work with Rob Marshall on laying down the rehearsal track “Take It All” for his Nine was another surreal moment, recording it with the legend that is Maury Yeston. Rob Marshall was genuine, honest and very normal, which is always a good thing! Can you tell us how you balance work, and your other amazing role in life, being a mother? Arrr, my [not so] little Luca! He’s everything to me! He has just turned 4 and is incredible in every sense of the word. I was pregnant with Luca right through my time working on London 2012 Olympic Games. By the time we wrapped the Ceremonies I was 8 and a half months pregnant! There would be times where I was still out on the field of play rehearsing until way after 1am of a day, and he’d be kicking and hiccupping away like a trooper. The travel and nomadic lifestyle is all he has ever known, so fortunately for me he is a dream when it comes to travel and new places/work spaces. I worked in Russia for 3 months when he was around 9 months old and there has been a lot of further travel and new environments since then. Luckily he loves the theatre, rehearsal space and music, so, so far so good. I literally feel like I strap him to my back and off we go! Having said that though, he started school in September last year, so this requires a tad more planning and organising around work and travel, but fortunately I have a wonderful friend/ Nanny situation so it works beautifully. We’re about to see you in one of the most highly anticipated films of the year, Beauty and the Beast (BATB). And whilst we know you can’t give too much away, can you tell us what it was like working on set? A little bit about your role and what scenes you were involved in? On Beauty I worked with the choreographer, Anthony Van Laast, and Director Bill Condon. Working on set for over 4 months was a magical experience. We recorded the soundtrack also, so can not wait for it to release! In the early days, Anthony set us a task of filling in our back stories for our characters which then in turn added to our connection with Belle and within the village where we lived. Gaston’s Tavern (with the delicious Luke Evans as Gaston) was a wonderful scene for us all. I have a lovely moment with him…but that’s if it doesn't end up on the cutting room floor!

What was it like working with Director Bill Condon? Bill Condon is a complete class act. Knew our names from day one and just a wonderfully genuine, talented man. So much so, that during the filming of Beauty, I lost my beloved Mum, and had to subsequently leave 2 days early. After shooting wrapped, a few weeks later I received a gorgeous email from him expressing his sadness and thoughts and love. I remember how ecstatic my Mum was when she found out that I got the job, so it goes without saying Beauty is for her. Having worked on stage with a variety of performers from different countries, can you tell us a bit about working with actors and dancers from around the world on the set of BATB? It really is a case of no matter where you're from and /or what gender, there is an unmistakable bond and kinship with the people you work with. And in this case especially with Beauty. The experience and careers of so, so many are hard to fathom. I arrived on set each day so very humbled, privileged and grateful for the day that lay ahead. You knew right from day one that this was/is a very, very special moment in cinematic history.

And from what we’ve seen on social media, what was the experience like bringing the iconic music to life through dance for the big screen? Pure Joy! Anthony and Bill worked so closely together and seemed on the same page, with the same vision…which isn't always the case! The movement and staging happened so naturally, in the tavern scene especially Anthony has created a robust, energetic joyous scene. We all had a ball! Is there anything you can tell us about the film or perhaps one of your favourite moments on set? All of it really, but Gaston’s Tavern is probably my favourite! If you could describe the film in three words, what would they be? 1. Life changing (I know that’s two) 2. Humbling. 3. Magical! What advice do you have for any aspiring performers/creatives? If you want it, go get it. It’s not written anywhere in this world that you can’t have or achieve what your heart desires. Be persistent, be focused, work your butt off, stay disciplined and be nice to everyone, whether they be directors, creatives, behind the scenes, teachers, dressers, anyone and everyone. We all breathe the same air and you are only as good as your last job!  

And finally, what can we expect from you next? Involved in a show I have worked on creatively and its tour to America this year! Any excuse to head back to NY.

Thank you so much for your time Simone. We can’t wait to see you on stage, TV and on screen in 2017! Thank YOU lovely Katerina for your time and bravo. Images courtesy of Simone Sault Instagram