#and also The Locked Tomb if i can swing it

[floweroflaurelin]

Gearing up for Huevember! I rearranged this year’s colour wheel to prioritize Red at the end of the month to accommodate Secret Life, since we’ll likely have some Red shenanigans by then :3c And of course I had to make my colour wheel a sunflower ✨🌻

Since I want my inevitable Secret Life fanart to be a part of this year’s huevember, I don’t know what I’m going to paint until I paint it! To compare, last year I had a list of what each colour’s painting was going to be before November even properly started. “Okay, when I get to this shade of purple I’ll paint the Rift, when I get to this shade of green I’ll paint Bdubs’ mossy cloak.” I always knew the subject of the next day’s painting in advance.

Not this time! This year I’m improvising day by day because something epic and cinematic could happen in Secret Life (or Critical Role!) at any time! The lack of preparation is intimidating but also really exciting because it’s just gonna be that much more challenging. Last year I did huevember in order to give me something to do while I was sick as hell from Covid. But now I’m recovered… taking the ankle weights off… I’m so hype to get started! 🧡💛💚💙💜🩷❤️

[lavendertentacle]

currently reading "this is how we lose the time war" and "six of crows" and i'm having a lot of fun, i'm glad my brain is finally allowing me to read again

[neverendingford]

.

[hgeeky]

My year in books 2024 - book series

Over the year I managed to read 140 books (including audiobooks), not including the 4 I started and still have on the go, and 3 that I started and abandoned.

I read quite a few series, here are some thoughts on those (spoiler free). I'll probably follow up with another post or two for other fiction and non-fiction.

Rivers of London by Ben Aaranovitch

I've now read all 9 of the main novels (although I read the first two in 2023), plus Tales from the Folly and What Abigail Did That Summer, all as audiobooks.

Kobna Hollbrook-Smith is an incredible narrator

I absolutely adore the blend of magic, folklore and police bureaucracy. The acronyms and procedure are set out in a way that feels so true to life - with all the quirks that come with how these things translate into practice. And it makes the magic somehow more believable. Plus the characters are so often charming.

I'm looking forward to working my way through the novellas and graphic novels while I wait for the next instalment.

The Aubreyad/Aubrey-Maturin series by Patrick O'Brian

I managed all 20 of the completed novels, my first complete circumnavigation (at some point I'll try to get my hands on the unfinished 21st book)

This is very much thanks to @elodieunderglass posting about it here, which encouraged me to seek out the audiobooks (my library has the Ric Jerrom ones)

I had attempted Master & Commander once, many years ago, because a lot of my family like the books. My grandfather especially liked them, and I wish I had known him better (he died in 2000). But I couldn't cope with the naval jargon at the time and gave up.

I did enjoy the film, and I've enjoyed Hornblower on TV and the Sharpe books, so I do generally enjoy that sort of thing and the audiobooks turned out to be perfect for me.

Ric Jerrom does a wonderful job with the characters and I could let a lot of the naval jargon wash over me (occasionally I did look things up to try to get a better handle on things).

Jack and Stephen are now my blorbos for sure.

And I absoutely love how much O'Brian managed to fit into these books - the natural history, the mores of the time, even the politics, as well as the action, adventure and romance.

The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman

I find these books rather moving, as well as fun

The combination works wonderfully for perking me up, helping me embrace life and find the joy in it, and that's always worth something

In fact it's remarkably impressive

The blend of characters is wonderful, the range of perspectives and personalities really helps me look at the world afresh, and not take things for granted so much.

Jackson Brodie by Kate Atkinson

I read the first one in 2023, and 2-5 in 2024

I've long adored Kate Atkinson's books, and I've read at least two of the Jackson Brodie books before (1 and 4) but thought I'd give the whole series a go

Perhaps not entirely as successful as some of her other books, I did still enjoy them all. I think Big Sky (number 5) was my favourite.

Phryne Fisher by Kerry Greenwood

I really enjoyed the TV adaptation a few years ago so I thought I'd give the audiobooks a go when I saw that my library has them

They are light and easy-going, with grate narration by Stephanie Daniel

I read the first one last year, and got through 2-8 this year. I particularly enjoyed 3 (Muder on the Ballarat Train), 4 (Death at Victoria Dock), 5 (The Green Mil Murder) and 8 (Urn Burial). I didn't mind a bit that I could remember some of the plots from the TV show.

The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir

I gave Gideon the Ninth a go after seeing a lot of posts about it on here, and finding I could get it through Audible plus (which I get occasionally when I can get a discount)

It was an absolute headfuck of a fever dream for most of it and I loved it

Eventually I used some credits to get Harrow and Nona and loved them too. Harrow was also a headfuck but I think I'd got slightly more into the swing of things for Nona.

I went back to relisten to Gideon to see what I made of it, after having more context and it was good in a different way. I enjoyed having more things make sense and I appreciated many of the characters a lot more.

The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkein

When I found out my library had the audiobooks read by Andy Serkis, I thought it would be rude not to borrow them

I enjoyed The Hobbit the most.

I found Return of the King a bit of a slog. It all felt too ponderous when it was focused on humans, elves or dwarves, but fortunately the hobbits, ents and orcs gave it a lot more life and helped get me through.

Edit: Oops I forgot The World of the White Rat!

World of the White Rat - T Kingfisher

I didn't start at the beginning and I've not read everything

I gave the books a go thanks to Audible Plus and now I'm in love with them

Swordheart is my favourite, I've now listened to it twice

I've also covered the first 3 Saint of Steel books and have number 4 ready and waiting

I've also listened to quite a few other T Kingfisher books which aren't in the same world (or at least, not obviously) and loved those too - more on those in a separate post (if I manage it)

[cairavende]

My wonderful girlfriend got me Gideon the Ninth for Christmas and I realized why should I just give Worm recaps? Let's read some Locked Tomb! (We'll see how this format works, maybe I'll adjust it. Specifically might break stuff down into smaller segments instead of full acts, but I didn't think of doing this until after I had read all of act 1.)

Gideon the Ninth Act 1 (chapter 1 through 8) thoughts:

This book is so gay oh my god

Like, it's gay in ways I can't even explain. I love it.

Harrow beats the shit out of Gideon in chapter 2 and I don't know if I've ever seen someone get beat up in a more gay way.

"Oh Griddle! But I don't even remember about you most of the time." ROLL A FUCKING DECEPTION CHECK HARROW! You are saying this standing in the middle of the field you spent all night burying bones in just to foil her escape in the most dramatic way. You can't stop remembering her.

Gideon is the most herbo of herbos. I fucking love her. I love reading her PoV. She just knows punch and stab with sword and if those don't work than she'll just do them harder.

Also Gideon is SO fucking gay. Dear god. Dulcinea faints and Gideon turns off all though. HELP PRETTY GIRL. Nothing else.

Ok I could just make this whole thing "EVERYTHING IS GAY" but there is technically more than that.

I love how weird everything is and how little explanation is given. I don't want pages of exposition, I want to learn the world as it comes at me! This is perfect.

And just the very nature of things that seem weird not being given more than a passing thought in the book is information. Something may seem wild to the reader but it's so normalized to the characters that they wouldn't even think about the idea of it being different.

Lack of explanation also helps really show how much of a meathead Gideon is. Do the readers get to learn details about this thing? Only if it is a weapon, has tits, or Gideon is forced to listen while Harrow explains it. Otherwise no, why the fuck would Gideon spend her precious few brain cells on thinking?

And even if Gideon is forced to listen as Harrow explains it, the readers might not learn much cause Gideon might stop listening. I love her.

Aiglamene is wonderful. Crux is fine but I like her more.

Poor Gideon just wants a big sword that she can swing hard. It's not like she can't use a rapier. But why when she can go big sword?

SO MUCH CATHOLICISM

As someone who once was Catholic and then realized I was actually not a straight man, but instead a lesbian, I am in deep.

And the fucking slang used! Or whatever would be the right term. The shit they say! I love it. Just the weird sci-fi far future space necromancer universe and then suddenly "Are you asking me to . . . throw her a bone?", "Gideon had always known that this would be how she went: gangbanged to death by skeletons.", "Don’t hypothetically shove stuff up my butt again, it never does any good.", "Lo! A destructed ass.", "Well we were developing common sense, she studied the blade.", "Double Bones with Doctor Skelebone."

House of the First appears to be Earth. I kinda assume the House of the Ninth is Pluto, even though things obviously aren't in order given that the Seventh and Sixth are closer to the sun. Of course, I'm kinda expecting this to not technically be this solar system at all.

Undying Emperor, King of Resurrection, I Have Ten-Thousand Titles, Boss First, etc etc hasn't been on "Earth" in over nine thousand years. I wanna know MORE.

And the fucking Ninth House has their own prayer! Everyone else has one that the Ninth didn't know and then the Ninth had one that no one else knows! GIMME MORE!!!!

Also again, so many Catholicism metaphors or comparisons or whatever!

I could go on forever but gonna end this one with OH MY GOD SHE FOUND SUNGLASSES I LOVE HER. Fucking "I came prepared, my sweet." and "But then you couldn't have admired . . . these!" as she whips on the sunglasses. God. I nearly died.

[deconstructthesoup]

Some STP Human Headcanons (Vessels)

-I mentioned this in my last Slay the Princess post, but Prisoner loves to dance. As soon as she's free to walk and move around, she learns how to dance as a way to a) feel like she's in control of her body again, and b) fully explore the freedom she's now offered. The day she learns swing dances is the first day that any of the others have seen her smile.

-Witch has about twenty different kinds of carnivorous plants in her house, and all of them have names. She likes talking to them, because plants don't say that you're dragging on when you complain about your day, or tell you that your outfit looks awful when you're trying something new, or tell you that you're a massive dork when you gush about your favorite graphic novel series.

-Oh, yeah, Witch is a comics/graphic novel nerd. She's a big fan of Alison Bechdel, Vera Brosgol, ND Stevenson, and Elaine Lee, and she loooooooooves Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy. She reads DC comics for them and them alone.

-As a way to express some individuality while they're still figuring out what their personality is---and if they even have a cohesive one---Stranger dresses in incredibly elaborate outfits, and the style changes rapidly from day to day. They can go from dressing like a Southern Belle (complete with a parasol) to dressing like a Victorian swashbuckling thief (complete with a cane and masquerade mask) to dressing like they're heading to a 1980's roller rink (surprisingly, they make the skates work) on any given day, and all of the girls place bets on whatever they're going to wear next. Nobody has won.

-It's a terrible pun, but I'm ridiculously attached to the idea of Razor being a metalhead---and if not a metalhead exactly, then a major fan of any and all punk rock music released in the Riot Grrl era. She owns every single Bikini Kill album, every single Raincoats album, and will neither confirm nor deny having a Joan Jett body pillow. If she can sing-scream along to it, she'll listen to it.

-Adversary is the most kickass roller derby player you have ever seen in your life. She's got face-paint, she's got stickers on her helmet, she's got scuffed shoulder and knee pads from bodying the girls on the other team... she's fucking awesome. Razor shows up to every single game with a hand-painted sign for her.

-Damsel is obsessed with video games like Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, the Sims---basically, anything that's cute and low-stakes, she'll play. She absolutely has a set of pink cat-ear headphones that Witch bought for her. (Prisoner has matching blue ones, but she never wears them.)

-Nightmare is a theater kid. She recites Shakespearean monologues at the drop of a hat, devours occult-themed musicals like her life depends on it, and has a flawless soprano voice that will actually give you chills. Her rendition of "The Ballad of Jane Doe" at a voice recital made several people cry. She relishes in their tears.

-Prisoner and Spectre both love books, but while it's more of an academic thing for Prisoner (she likes history and math, because it's just facts), Spectre is a total fiction reader. Mostly classics like Jane Austen and Agatha Christie, but she's also got a bit of a guilty pleasure for well-written romance novels, and she loves The Locked Tomb series. Even if the Alecto stuff hits a bit too close to home.

-Stranger is really into arts and crafts, to the point where they've pretty much learned everything from crotcheting to making clay earrings. Almost all of their creations end up being gifted to one of the girls, and they're all very much treasured and appreciated.

-Tower has a difficult time really connecting with most of the girls, since she's still trying to get herself to come down from her superiority complex, but she has figured out that they will always like her as long as she brings her credit card with her. No matter the setting, Tower is fucking loaded, and even the more masc girls like Adversary are willing to go on a shopping spree.

-That being said, I think Tower gets along the best with Nightmare, because they're both absolutely self-assured, barely care about other people (except their best girls, of course), and are both intimidating in their own ways. They're absolutely the kind of best friends who bitch about people while doing each other's nails.

-Witch and Spectre both do witchcraft for funzies, but Witch is more about the plants and herbalism, while Spectre's all about the Oujia boards and tarot cards. They're kind of in a two-person coven together---you gotta find something to bond over, and what better way to connect than your shared interest in magic?

-If I'm not just making Beast into a cat, I'm making Beast into a preteen, because just making her a human adult just doesn't... fit her. Besides, it's way more easy---and more fun---to imagine her as that low-key feral kid who's always digging for worms during recess, always gets into fights with bullies and winds up covered in Band-Aids as a result, always wears the same ratty cat-ear beanie every day, and hisses at people who annoy her. She has weird-little-girl energy, I dunno what to tell you. (She still tags along on hangouts when there's no alcohol involved, though---she's either Witch's little sister or her daughter, and Witch is very keen on making sure she's included.)

-Damsel bakes. Every time one or more of the girls comes over, she has something in the oven, something sitting on the kitchen table cooling, and something that's in the middle of being frosted. She likes doing it because while it is something that she largely does for others, it's also something that gives her a sense of pride, and she also just has a lot of fun with it. Even when she has to clean up, she's humming a song from a Barbie movie under her breath. Probably from Princess & The Pauper (the best one, fight me).

-Adversary used to play the violin when she was a kid, but she got bored of it quick, and she switched over to the bass as soon as she could. Spectre is very good at playing the cello---she even does recitals!---and Witch... well, she played the French horn in high school. During marching band. It was the only extracurricular where she could have free reign to be as annoying as possible to the people who said that she had to have one for college credit. (Oh, also, Razor plays electric guitar. She's a really good singer, but she's an even better growler.)

And... I think that's all I got for now.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

SWORDTEMBER '24, DAY 1: UPGRADE

Quick disclaimer: Since I managed to injure my wrist/hand right before the event started, I won't be able to do quite as much as I had originally planned for, at least not for the first week or so. Mainly that means no art (although I do hope to revisit at least a few of these!), but it also means shorter bits of writing. Chances are each day will be a bit longer than the last until I get back into the swing of things. As a note, I am using the prompt list made by @regal-bones (go check out her stuff!!!). ----- Today's entry, UPGRADE, is inspired by an old tumblr post (if I can find it I'll add a link) that talked about item descriptions in a game getting longer/more detailed the more you upgrade the item, gradually revealing story in a fun subtle sort of way. Originally I was going to try to do a longer writing to go with this, but my wrist is already very tired and the full thing was starting to feel too long, so... maybe we'll see this little world revisited at some point (I know there are definitely elements that don't shine through in just the descriptions)

-----

ITEM NAME: Tomb Guardian’s Sword DESCRIPTION: A sword of carved stone, taken from a statue outside the deserted tomb from which you emerged. Weighs more than the guilt that should come alongside it. Worthless for cutting, but the shape is too familiar for you to let go just yet. Cracks begin to form across the blade the more you use it. You can only hope it will last long enough (for what, you don’t yet know).

ITEM NAME: Mechanical Guardian’s Sword DESCRIPTION: A real blade, forged in the same image as your last, plucked from the hands of a robotic amalgamation. Lighter, faster, with an edge perfect for slicing through the wires of your machine enemies. Added coils gather electricity from fallen foes, to be unleashed on your command, or absorbed to replenish your energy. Don’t think too hard on how that works.

ITEM NAME: The Guardian’s Sword DESCRIPTION: The blade that inspired all the others, a legendary artifact belonging to a hero of the last age, once locked away as a key piece of history. Guarded fiercely by haywire robots… until you retrieved it. No machine can replicate the ancient magic flowing through the blade. It answers your call, surging around you as you fight, calling forth to storm down upon the mechanical tide. Yet even with all this power, you know it holds back. There is more to this blade… but only for the one who first held it. They only need to ask to access that last expanse of energy.

ITEM NAME: Your Sword DESCRIPTION: Welcome back, Guardian. May the return of your memories mark the turning of the tide.

[voxofthevoid]

Hi Vox, what books do you like to read? Genres etc, physical or e-books? Also do you have any recommendations on books to read? I'm dying to get into new books but I have no idea where to start looking.

(by books I meant outside of fanfic.)

PS, will you ever continue your doubledong dickfest (the train age swap one) fic again? I'm so down bad for teenage Satoru getting dicked down haha.

Recently, I've mostly been reading online even when I'm not reading fanfic—stuff like the SCP stories, r/nosleep authors and series, and original fiction on Ao3 and Fictionpress. Been hearing good things about Royal Road too, though the popular genres there may not be to my taste.

Anyway, when it comes to published books, I prefer fantasy or SF. Or both! And I'd rather have physical books than digital ones.

As for recs, the ones from my recent reads are—

The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir. It's a blend of SF and fantasy. It has four parts, and three are currently out. We're waiting with bated breath for the final one.

How to Survive Camping series by Bonnie Quinn. It's a complete four-part series of supernatural mystery and horror that started out on r/nosleep but has been published as books.

My last proper reading spree was over five years back, so I have no idea how I'll feel about these books if I were to read them now:

Whyborne & Griffin series by Jordan L. Hawk

Cut & Run series by Urban and Roux

Literally everything by Megan Derr. Her collection was impressive even circa 2016, and I'm sure it's grown now.

A few classics™, if you swing that way:

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Candide by Voltaire

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

I have an extensive to-read list too, and I can't exactly recommend anything from that, but here are the ones I'm looking forward to the most:

The Murderbot Diaries series by Martha Wells

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant

A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine

Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie

Ahh, double-dong dickfest, my beloved! That one suffered from having my attention diverted at just the wrong moment (thank you, chapter 236). Other, shinier ideas keep pulling me to them. Plus, what I currently have is some 14k that could easily stand as its own fic; the remaining outline is an escalating pornfest, and it's got a lot of fun bits I'd like to tackle, but if I don't start, what I've written would make a coherent oneshot.

I can promise a lot of teenage Satoru getting dicked down though. That, I keep going back to faithfully 😂

Thanks for asking this! It was fun to answer.

[ponycycle]

Stellar Blade: Less Than The Sum Of Its Parts

Stellar Blade is a "character action game" that has some great stuff, some good stuff, some bad stuff, and some terrible stuff. The writing that follows is going to assume that you already are familiar with what it is (at least on a surface level). Also, if you somehow didn't know, this game is uh... heavily inspired by Nier: Automata. Basically a copy (not necessarily a bad thing on its own!)

Great:

-Excellent, varied cinematic soundtrack. I'm looking at a tracklist right now that has 97!!! entries on it. Flavours are all over the place in a good way - NieR, Ace Combat, Detroit(???). But** (see below) -Pretty game. I dunno if I feel like it's necessarily pushing the PS5 to its limits or not, but it does look good and they do make good use of the high resolution available (UI, composition of some scenes). -Main gameplay loop is pretty good. It's like a more involved version of the combat in FF16? It's not as deep as a Platinum game (but combat is much more complex than it was in NieR: Automata). Success in combat is satisfying. Timing felt a little weird to me sometimes, but maybe it's just because I'm old. -I did like the vast amount of collectible cosmetic items, all of which are pretty detailed and there are basically only two joke items.

Good:

-This is a simple thing, but the way Stellar Blade handles ladders is excellent: if you run into a ladder from the wrong side, Eve will simply do a little flourish and swing around to the correct side. I'm going to be thinking about this forever now any time I ever run into the back of a ladder in any other game. -Eve has a snazzy animation for activating a checkpoint that managed to not wear out for me the entire game -Fast travel is generally pretty snappy inside of a zone. Going between zones is a little clunky, and warping around zones without an overworld map can be confusing, but considering how many game fumble fast travel still today I'm willing to call this a good one. -The way the game will let you optionally warp directly to a quest giver to hand in a quest is nice -Enemy designs are all good. All visually distinct, yet they all feel related

Bad:

-Suffers a little bit from FF16's problem of excessive sidequests, except in this game there's even less things to spend regular money on (the most common quest reward). -The gun is clunky and not very useful in normal combat. It feels like they put in a lot of work just getting it to where it already is, but it still doesn't flow very well with regular attacks. Why does it break target lock??? -As good as ladders are, ropes are kinda bad, ESPECIALLY trying to grab one to descend. -There are a couple of Tomb Raider/Uncharted run sequences and they are all bad. -This game did not need TWO desert zones!!! One was enough! -There is also a skateboarding sequence that is really bad. If they just yanked it entirely the game would be better for it.

Terrible: -So I'm not going to be the first person to say that the writing in Stellar Blade is bad, but... it's usually presented that it has a bad "story", and that doesn't cover how big the problem is. Horizon Zero Dawn is a game with a great story but only a couple of good characters. Nier: Automata is a game with a plot that is arguably kinda stupid but with GOOD characters that you give a shit about. Stellar Blade is a game with an unsurprising plot that doesn't have a single character in it that I give a shit about. Not a single one!!! And there's SO MUCH TALKING being done by these people I don't care about, about things I don't care about. And the writing is weird! You can't get through one conversation without getting whiplash from non-sequiturs. The writing is easily both the single worst part of this game and the DEFINING characteristic of it. -**The bad writing unfortunately means that most of the time, the soundtrack is wasted. Nothing is emotionally connecting because there are no emotions to connect to. It's trying so very hard to carry the game the whole way from start to finish, but it can't. It's impossible. -Also related to the bad writing: there are so many delayed UI interactions in this game!!! What the fuck!!! If you die in the game, a respawn prompt will appear but remains uninteractable for a good second or two. You can mash through some dialogue (thank GOD) but only after the first two seconds of each line comes out. There is no visual distinction between skippable and unskippable dialogue. When a cutscene ends, or there is a transition between non-combat animations, Eve has to stand there stupidly a second or two before she starts responding to player inputs. If you want to buy something at a shop, you have to mash through inane dialogue first, EVERY TIME, then you get the OPTION to open the shop menu. -There are unskippable cutscenes. I probably changed the shape of my PS5 controller trying to futilely skip through many cutscenes on NG+. I was not surprised at all to see by the end of the game that the credits themselves were unskippable (you can SLIGHTLY speed them up) -There is a sequence where you're supposed to run from cover to cover while turrets are firing at you that I very quickly gave up on. If you turn the game difficulty to easy for that sequence, you can just run through in one shot. Would highly recommend you do the same.

So would I call Stellar Blade a good game or a bad game? I don't know. It's a finished game - there are no signs of rushed development visible to me here. This is the game they wanted to make. I bought it on physical media, so I could sell it off if I wanted to. I don't think I do though.

Hey you know what? Here is a good video review by Sphere Hunter you should probably watch if you haven't yet:

[altschmerzes]

As a fellow whump lover who just discovered your Locked Tomb fic I am aghast. LITERALLY ALL IVE EVER WANTED and your writing is incredible 😭 also can we TALK about how much whump potential there is with the cavalier-adept pairs in general?? like its literally the perfect setup AND it’s found family?? And the relationships between the houses too like hello???? Not to even mention griddlehark because if I get into that I Will Cry but THE NINTH AND THE SIXTH COMPETITION TURNED FRIENDSHIP?? LITERALLY EVERYTHING AB THE FOURTH AND THE FIFTH??? I am constantly just losing my mind over this and I am so glad a fic like this out there. Keep up the great work ❤️

IT'S SO MUCH!!!! ISN'T IT GREAT. BIG, BIG FAN. gah i love writing in that world so much there's just so much to work with in so many ways. i'm so glad you are enjoying my fic and i hope you're looking forward to the next chapter bc i AM getting back into the swing of it <3 <3 thank you for this it was a delight

[idiot-mushroom]

Did you ever have a day when you're trying to drink And your favorite cat walks in and your tiny heart sinks Because just yesterday you hung it from a string And now your wife's in the way when you got an axe you're trying to swing Did you ever meet someone with a filmy blue eye And when he looks at you, it's kinda hard to describe You even like this man, but you know he's got to die And so you carry out a plan in the middle of the night. Do you chop it up And burn the bits Or throw it in a well or Do you pack it in a box and ship it Dig a grave down in the cellar What do you do with a corpse Don’t you worry about the smell And also how do you know When someone’s dead Sometimes it’s hard to tell When your friend’s beloved sister dies one tragic afternoon Do you hold off on the burial and lock her in a room On a dark and stormy night when she rises from the tomb You will realize she was only in a cataleptic swoon When you have a little problem you don’t want folks to find Or perhaps you’ve been insulted and revenge is on your mind Just go down to the basement in the back behind the wine Consider some home masonry to cover up your crime Do you chop it up And burn the bits Or throw it in a well or Do you pack it in a box and ship it Dig a grave down in the cellar What do you do with a corpse Don’t you worry about the smell And also how do you know When someone’s dead Sometimes it’s hard to tell One morning in cool blood I stopped the drumbeat of a heart And never have I slept so very well I know I am not mad Because my senses are acute I can hear things in heaven earth and hell Were you ever taken over by that fiend intemperance Were you ever so influenced by that gin-nurtured malevolence To offer your own wife a taste of personal violence Till you know you have destroyed all hope of God's mercy or innocence Don't you hate it when a sick man's in your mesmerizing gaze And though he passes in the night, you got him twitching for many days And then he gives you a nasty fright when he croaks "let me die please" Once you release him from that state he turns to goo like marmalade Do you Chop it up And burn the bits Or throw it in a well or Do you pack it in a box and ship it Dig a grave down in the cellar What do you do with a corpse Don’t you worry about the smell And also how do you know When someone’s dead Sometimes it’s hard to tell Do you chop it up And burn the bits Or throw it in a well or Do you pack it in a box and ship it Dig a grave down in the cellar What do you do with a corpse Don’t you worry about the smell And also how do you know When someone’s dead Sometimes it’s hard to tell Do you chop it up And burn the bits Or throw it in a well or Do you pack it in a box and ship it Dig a grave down in the cellar What do you do with a corpse Don’t you worry about that smell And also how do you know When someone’s dead Sometimes it’s hard to tellllllllllll

idk what this is from i’m sorry 😭

[bad-ads]

my locked tomb playlist:

1. Mezzanine by Lady Lamb

its literally written by harrow abt alecto

“There's a ghost, a ghost in the mezzanine

And she's soaked, soaked in a glimmering

Sort of bone, her bones, and I'm blathering”

“How I ache, I ache in the pit of me

I awake, awake with this fear in me

How it makes, makes a fool out of me

With its knife how it carves the seeds out of my heart

For to plant in the soil for to feast”

2. Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler (i also really like the Angie McMahon cover)

its abt gideon and harrow sorry

“Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (All of the time)

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight”

3. Murder in the Dark by Gia Ford

also gideon and harrow

“Murder in the dark keeps running in my head

And I'm never getting bored, baby girl

Never wanna be standing still

All the love we bled all lit up in red”

“Ready to implode next to you (Do-do, da-da)

No one can do it in the way that we do

I wonder how I'd ever live without knowing (Do-do, da-da)

No one could make me feel the way that you do”

4. Organ Donor by Jeremy Messersmith

just the whole series tbh

“I was born in a mortuary

Full of worry

Ice water in my veins”

“Swing low

Grey bones

I don't know

If I'll ever be whole again”

5. Abbey by Mitski

nona wrote it

“I am hungry

I have been hungry

I was born hungry

What do I need?

I am something

I have been something

I was born something

What could I be?”

“There is a light, I feel it in me

But only, it seems, when the dark surrounds me

There is a dream and it sleeps in me

To awake in the night, crying "Set me free"

And I awake every night, crying "Set me free"

6. NFWMB by Hozier

harrow and alecto

“Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?

Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?

Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?

Ain't you my baby? ain't you my baby?”

7. Sinnerman by Nina Simone

John Gaius and the RBs, and especially now that Alecto is free

“Oh, sinnerman, where you gonna run to?

Sinnerman where you gonna run to?

Where you gonna run to?

All on that day”

“So I run to the river

It was boilin', I run to the sea

It was boilin', I run to the sea

It was boilin', all on that day

So I run to the Lord

Please hide me, Lord

Don't you see me prayin'?

Don't you see me down here prayin'?

But the Lord said

Go to the Devil”

[c0rpseductor]

i think for christmas if my mom can swing it (we're having car trouble so this depends) i might ask for some actual physical books. i think it's just way easier for me to read a physical book and stay focused.

i think the books i want most would be a big omnibus of his dark materials, to replace the one i lost since i wanna reread it but dont have my old brick to do so, and then the locked tomb books. bc i keep wanting to read them and not doing it.

i would also really like to have a copy of lolita but i'd have to choose it myself in person bc i'm as particular as nabokov was about the cover. i want it to be plain. i don't want any of that heart lollipop sunglasses nonsense. what a fucking insult to that novel.

[foulbearobservation]

r u on purpose not into the locked tomb or i it just something u haven't tried yet? bc it truly has a lot of things that remind me of stuff u've said u enjoy dghksjhg -🦭 (also totally chill if ur not into it on purpose - i just truly am surprised that u aren't lmao)

I tried reading it once and just something about the writing style just truly did not vibe with me. idk it was too,,, fanfic-y for me? Like I dunno the vibe kept swinging wildly and I was never along for the ride and the writing style felt too self indulgent fanfic writer-y for me (and I fully admit I'm a self indulgent fanfic writer) but something about the tone just never hit right for me. Idk. I might give it another shot now that it's been a while since I tried to read it, see if I can get past my weird mental block this time around ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[iviarellereads]

Harrow the Ninth, Chapter 4

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For detail on The Locked Tomb coverage and the index, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Third House icon) In which we finally learn about the letters in the prologue.

You still prided yourself on three things: firstly, bloody-minded composure; secondly, an inhuman intellect for necromancy; thirdly, being very difficult to kill. You were so immune to murder that you had not even been able to inflict the act upon yourself.

Harrow wakes during "the first attempt on [her] life",(1) and her mind shakes her out of her rut. A pillow is being held over her face. She reinforces her hyoid with cartilage, then tears off and expands her thumbnail into "jagged, splintering fléchettes",(2) swinging them into her assailant. The weight on the pillow lightens, but then Harrow wakes, the pillow behind her head and dry, her nail whole and even, the sword undisturbed, and no indication on the wall of any nail arrows.

What is evident in the room is that Ianthe Tridentarius is waiting for Harrow to wake, clothed in a robe of pale rainbow iridescent material that makes Ianthe's complexion blotchy, though she picked up a replacement arm somewhere.

Ianthe is staring at Harrow almost hungrily, uncharacteristic of the woman, and gives a flowery greeting. Harrow realizes she can't sense Ianthe's presence, the way she can sense the living humans.

Ianthe offers a message to Harrow, before she does anything they'll both regret. She withdraws a piece of flimsy from her robe, with Harrow's name written on it, in Harrow's handwriting, with instructions in smaller lettering also in her handwriting:

To be given to Harrowhark immediately upon coherence.

Harrow looks at the letter, and then back at Ianthe, whose eyes have changed: one is now washed-out purple, the other blue and brown splotches.(3)

Ianthe expresses that she wishes Harrow had explained what she meant by "coherence", but either way, she wasn't going anywhere near while Harrow's only settings were "power-vomit and murder." Harrow asks how she got the letter, and Ianthe says soothingly that Harrow gave it to her, to be given back to Harrow now.

Harrow takes it, worried that her hands are shaking and giving something away. She opens it, and is relieved to find it written in "Ninth House crypt-script", a cipher Harrow developed at age seven that would be "unbreakable to anyone who lacked [her] rosary, Marshal Crux, and a hundred or so years to spare."

Ianthe, politely, walks to the nearest window to give Harrow a moment to read the letter, which more or less comes down to the following, paraphrased:

Letter 2 of 24, to be read immediately. I wrote this 48 hours after you became a Lyctor. My resurrection as a personality must be avoided at all costs, and you must never know what was done to you between when I write this and when you read it. You rules for existence stand thusly:

Stay alive at any cost. No suicide, no carelessness. "The work relies upon your continuance."

You can never return to the Ninth House. Do not return there, or let yourself be taken there by force.

Keep the sword with you at all times. Wipe it down with your blood nightly, and coat it with regrowing ash. Do not cut flesh or bone with it.

You are compromised. Make up for it by studying. Start with flesh and spirit magic, because "you know piss-all", and you will not "build your house on such shiftless & ureal(4) sand."

"You owe Ianthe Tridentarius the favour of the chain". The agreement extends into the House, but NOT into the Tomb.(5) The agreement takes priority over any oath sworn to any lesser than the Holy Corpse, including the Emperor. Ianthe will expect you to reswear upon receipt of this letter, do not disappoint her. Be on guard of Ianthe finding a way to use her knowledge in this affair to destroy you.

Read the other letters only if their requirements are met. Ianthe will give you 22 more letters, keep them with you and be ready to read any of them as requirements are met.

To myself: a brief break in guidelines follows, before the last. You will think at this point that I have given you a terrible hand to play the game with. I am not unsympathetic. Nonetheless, understand that I envy you more than I have ever envied anyone, and that I look upon your birth as a blessing. Look upon be as a Harrowhark who was handed the first genuine choice of our lives; the only choice ever given where we had free will to say, No, and free will to say, Yes. Accept that in this instance I have chosen to say, No.(6)

Examine Ianthe's jaw and tongue after reading this. If you suspect they have been replaced, kill her and do not reswear the oath.

Sorry, sucks to be you, but it sucks to be me more, Your Past Self."

Harrow asks Ianthe to come back. Ianthe, still smiling a "secret, conspiratorial smile, like a spider tucked inside a shoe", returns and sits back in the chair next to the bed. Harrow removes the sheet-robe, cups Ianthe's face in her hands, and kisses her square on the mouth, as an excuse to execute command 6 and examine her tongue and jaw. When she's done, she withdraws, and reswears the oath. Ianthe says that's better than having her lips sewn shut, and for a bone magic house, the Ninth sure owns some absurdly large needles. Harrow is surprised Ianthe agreed to be a "Sewn Tongue".

Ianthe tosses Harrow a robe like her own, the same mother-of-pearl fabric, with a hood and deep sleeves. She also gives her a stack of the remaining letters. Harrow scans the requirements of them.

Some were plain and stark. To open in the event of the Emperor's death. To open in the event of Ianthe's death. To open if the Ninth House is in mortal danger. Some of them are opaque to the point of madness. To open if your eyes change. If met, to give to Camilla Hect. You wondered, mystified, if you had ever known the last name of Camilla the Sixth, a woman you could not recall interacting with at any point.(7)

Ianthe says she'll keep the other two, and she finds it amusing that there's one she gets to open if Harrow dies. Harrow finds another envelope labeled "To open if you meet Coronabeth Tridentarius." Ianthe notices, and says Harrow wrote the letter in front of her, and she can tell her what it says: she is now pledged to Coronabeth the same as she is to Ianthe, and pledged to never harm so much as a hair on Corona's head. Harrow says Corona is likely dead, but Ianthe laughs and says Corona is too stupid to die, and Ianthe would know if she did anyway.

Harrow comments about how Ianthe's eyes are changing colour, like her cav is still fighting her. Ianthe stabs herself in the hand, and demonstrates how it heals instantly. Then she stabs Harrow in the hand, and it doesn't. Harrow sees the Body against the wall, hands clasped as if in prayer. Harrow has to actively engage thanergy reserves to fix the horrifying hole in her hand. Ianthe says not to fuck with her, and leaves.

Harrow takes comfort in the Body's cool presence in the corner, but when she moves some crates piled haphazardly, she sees hundreds of fragments of thickened nails, and holes in the panelling of the wall where some of them once sat.(8) The Body brings her to bed, lays her down with the sword and her letters, and Harrow falls asleep.

=====

(1) FIRST? That certainly implies that there will be more. (2) Fléchette - French for "little arrow" or "dart". (3) Ianthe still hasn't quite settled in with Babs for the long haul either. (4) Ureal - having to do with urea, or crystallized urea protein. (5) Now just what does that mean, I wonder? (Well, do I wonder, or am I just pretending we won't get an answer?) (6) No to what, exactly? (7) So some of Harrow's memories have been altered, huh? Hm, that begins to pull some strange things together, doesn't it? (8) This is what she saw in the nightmare about the assassination attempt, she flung her nails at the assailant. What does this say about the Body and reality? Who covered the wall with the crates?

[arbitrarygreay]

The Salvatore School Shipping Megapost

tl;dr polycule centered on Panda Squad

So the thing is, Hope is annoyingly monogamous in Legacies. She shows zero attraction to anyone who is not Landon, despite the show playing around with the ideas of Rafael, Ethan, and Clarke. We don't even know what her crush on Josie might have looked like. As such, even my favored femslash relationships don't really twig when Hope and the other party are in a good place with each other. What you do get, subtext-wise, is Hope having Feelings when her relationship with anyone isn't quite on track. And, of course, the show packs in all of this stuff about Hope repressing herself in order not to become A Great Evil, and that she does have the capability to be a real social butterfly (and yet even in that relatively unrestrained state, annoyingly monogamous!). The implication is that poly!Hope really only happens in a semi-bad end where she "snaps" and embraces the family hedonism. Otherwise, she'll be clinging to illusions of what normal romantic (monogamous) relationships should look like. So, sadly, I can only see her being partnered with one primary in this polycule, and merely being accepting of having metamours. Everyone else, on the other hand, seems like they could get into the swinging life, and then move on to poly. The show avoided any hint of that (the most we get is Alyssa cheating on MG offscreen), unlike the TORN FEELINGS DRAMZ of TVD and TO, because the writers are apparently nerds hard into traditional ideas of romance, but they and the actors also don't quite know how to differentiate friendship, romance, or lusty chemistry, so their no-romos have the cred of a no-homo by dint of their yes-romos being indistinguishable from the no-romos. Hope-Landon: I like it, to be honest. Landon is so traumatized by episode 2 that he goes all in on communication and truth, and then after the Miss Mystic Falls ep, he is almost always a supportive boyfriend. The show literally has to keep doppelgangering him in order to make Hope not trust him. They have Locked Tomb vibes, with every bit of irony that entails. I'm okay with Landon being a primary! Hope-Lizzie: Yeah, yeah, I'm so easy, I have a ship Type. Where Hope-Landon is a ship that would proceed stably along if it weren't for external factors, Hope-Lizzie is a ship where they want to be on-side, but their very personalities keep leading to them clashing, partially because they don't back down on each other, in positive and negative directions. This harkens back to the way TVDU and TO did relationships that just kept vacillating between opposing polarities, but always with the amplitude on high. No wonder it's compelling as a ship! However, in practice, the "there's never any doubt that they have strong Feelings about each other" is really from Lizzie's end. Hope does desire friendship with her (the strongest point for the ship as mutual feelings is that losing her sire bond is the first tipping point for Hope's humanity coming back), but for the most part, there's an argument to be made that Hope fears loneliness more than wanting any friend in particular. She's used to being resigned about the twins. What's different about Lizzie, though, is that after they reconcile in S1, Hope begins to meet Lizzie where Lizzie is, not holding back on her when they disagree. Because Lizzie is such a dynamic character, and everyone else goes with placating her, this makes Hope-Lizzie a dynamic with more consistent sparks than any other combo, but it's dependent on Lizzie providing that high base level of emotion for Hope to mirror. And, when Hope herself goes too far, the other (more mentally stable) characters tend to choose to disengage, whereas Lizzie is the one who will indignantly go after Hope, which leaves her as the only option for Hope to engage with. So, Hope-Lizzie is endgame in a world where Hope continues to get more dramatic like her family, but otherwise, it's likely that Hope will pick a more "oasis-type" partner. Hope-Josie: Basically femslash Hope-Landon, lol. I have nothing against this ship, but the show doesn't give us much of a look at what their dynamic is without external factors dominating their conversations (all other convos they have are basically processing their childhood). However, Josie's entire arc during the show is that she decides that being around the Squad doesn't allow her the space to re-discover herself and so she has to peace out, and that includes all of Hope's DRAMZ. So, this ship is either something that happens down the road, as like the alternative to the above (Hope picks Lizzie if she embraces the dramaaaaa, and could pick Josie if the world lets her be chill instead), or you have to go with Hope-Twins, lol. (Sidebar, Spring Break Fire is canonically 3 years before S1, and Legacies canonically begins while Hope is 17, meaning that their crushes possibly overlapped before Josie literally burned it all down lol.) Hope-Twins: Yeahhhhh Panda Squad OT3 get it! My actual favorite Legacies ship. Unfortunately, there aren't any fics of this on AO3 that aren't just pure porn, because the Legacies fanfic writers are COWARDS. This ship works out in particular for Josie because per above, just Hope-Josie would still put the onus of support on Josie, but in the Panda Squad configuration, Lizzie makes doubly sure to put Josie first, which solves that issue. The problem, as usual, is that in canon Hope ditches them quite a lot! It's almost like Hope is the Lizzie to the twins' M.G. Hope-Cleo: Into it! Panda Squad is honestly cheating a bit by building in all that history, Hope-Landon gets the canon fiat, but Hope and Cleo have tons of chemistry without either. Cleo also can understand the burdens of being someone chosen, of being elevated in a way that makes others continually look to her. Hope-Clarke: One of the unique things the show did was that Hope stayed devoted to Landon throughout the series. One of the side-effects of this was that there was never a brooding bad boy love triangle rival (which matches the show's not-so-subtle dislike of Damon). At the sme time, that's not going to stop teenage girls from loving that kind of ship, which is why HoLarke seems fairly popular in Legacies fanfic. Honestly, I can relate. HoLarke isn't unlike Hizzie, as a dynamic where both characters are constantly challenging each other, with all of the chemistry sparks that generates. It is to the show's credit that they subverted those expectations so thoroughly (the utter reversal of everything in season 4 was perfect for the themes they were going for in that episode), but hey, ship potential has little to nothing to do with how a canon should go. Hope-Josie-Landon: Lizzie would never let them live it down, lol. This could be the most chill and supportive threesome ever, but I think that they would not be able to weather consistent external pressure without starting to be bad for each other. Essentially, they would gift-of-the-magi themselves into destruction. Lizzie-Hope-Landon: I honestly think that this could go the distance! Lizzie would never actually fall for Landon, but I think that Landon would rise to her provocations and earn her respect, becoming an even better partner for Hope in the process. Landon can moderate when Lizzie and Hope get too into it, as well. As some have pointed out, Lizzie and Landon are both all in on chairing the "no Hope self-sacrifice" club. The fact that they don't mind openly arguing with each other, though, means that they would call each other out before ever running into the situation as described above for Hope-Josie-Landon. Rafael ships: I don't know if this was an acting choice or not, but Hope showed zero feelings for him whatsoever, so Hope-Rafael was sunk from the start. She showed more interest in Ethan than Raf in the Croatoan ep. They also completely dropped the Rafael-Josie thing they played with in the first couple of eps, which was weird. Meanwhile, I do think that down the line, Raf and Lizzie could work, as mature adults, but the show never let us see them really interact after season 1. In general, the show did not know what to do with Raf, and did not let him develop any relationships beyond Landon and Hope, which was a real problem with the writing. No wonder the actor bowed out after S2. Ignoring how badly canon treated Raf, though, I would have been rather into a Hope-Raf, Josie-Landon configuration, because that was some of the best Raf-Landon times, ironically. Raf wasn't wracked by angst, and Landon was really happy for him. Landon-Rafael: The show didn't let Rafael have any other relationships! And at the same time, they didn't let him provide any meaningful resistance to Malivore, either. Change the latter, and this ship basically sails itself. Twincest: Look, I am not immune to wincest. Movies and TV continue to stubbornly not believe that "codependent battle couple" isn't shipping catnip, and their current strategy to no-homo/no-romo the subtext is to make them siblings (see: Frozen, Alias, Supergirl, Merlin, Arrow, Kill La Kill), but that doesn't change that the underlying dynamic is still shipping catnip. Their storylines together were simply the most interesting in the show, too. Ben-Wyatt-meme-"It's all about the [devotion]." Lizzie-MG: Writing really sunk them on this. There's no sense that Lizzie would ever seek out MG in order to relax and have fun, or that MG would enjoy the things that Lizzie was into, or how they would talk to each other without plot reasons to drive the conversation. They're very cognitively aware of each others' appeal points, but this doesn't translate into being able to spark joy for each other in the day-to-day. Even with the "Lizzie is a closet geek" characterisation, which I honestly find dubious, the fact that she so doggedly never indulged that with MG says something about them. Plus, as the whole show's run demonstrated, Lizzie has never put MG first, and MG became a stronger leader by staying away from her. They might work if they skipped straight to raising a kid together, because having that focus would paper over their chemistry gaps, but the moment that kid flew the coop they would crater. Lizzie-Ethan: So, Lizzie's stated taste in ep 1 is hot+angry+damaged, which plays out with Rafael and Sebastian, but obviously the show was subtly linking that to her self-loathing, and the long arc of Lizzie-MG was partially to demonstrate that her tastes would change as she got to a more mentally healthy place. However, she is attracted to Dak Romo, and then just two episodes later, is not attracted to the actual much-more-like-MG Ethan. (And she acknowledges that bad-girl-image Finch is hot, as well.) Then, in S4, she uses Ethan the same way she uses MG, exploiting their blind spots for her. So really, these two ships are basically the same ship, and both demonstrate how much Lizzie is not into either of them. But also, her using Ethan also reinforces that she wants someone with that dark streak, someone willing to be ruthless. Something something supreme daddy's girl something. She doesn't want Big Blue Boy Scout, she wants Wonder Woman snapping Max Lord's neck. MG-Ethan: YES. The Blur-some and E-ssential! Mighty Guy and Rescue Guy! They were a real love story over the course of S3 and S4, and MG had as much chemistry with Ethan as with Kym and Nia. They confide in each other, they try to be better men for each other, they love hanging out, they would be good together. Lizzie-MG-Ethan: Look, this would be a really compelling ship to think about if canon execution hadn't throroughly squashed any notion that Lizzie has credible feelings for either of them. But setting that aside, S4 rather made the case for V-configuration with MG as the pivot, with Lizzie and Ethan as just metamours. Also, the main thing for them is that they would be unstoppable as a football team. Lizzie-Landon: lel. But why not? If the show can try to make Lizzie-MG happen, then Lizzie getting over her nerd hangups could happen with Landon. Of course, this would have to be a no-Hope AU. But we know that Lizzie can be impressed with Landon's moments of showing spine, and once Landon has that kind of loyalty in his corner, I think he would develop to respond to it. MG-Kaleb: They're pretty emblematic of my ambivalent feelings about the show as a whole. The highs are incredibly rewatchable highs, but in between you have a lot of inexplicable time where they seem not to know the other exists, and then also lows where they're arbitrarily estranged for reasons that don't ring true. It hurts this dynamic in particular more than others because there's so little about their dynamic that organically implies the latter two cases. Sure, they could have leaned into the early days of Kaleb stabbing MG in the back during StuCo elections, but the show did not do that, so. They would make a strong romance, nonetheless, but not as primaries, because I think they really prioritize that family connection more, and so retain each other as people to confide in when they're having conflicts with their primaries. Kaleb-Cleo: They're cute. Pancakes was easily their best scene. However, it feels like Kaleb's character development with Cleo wasn't continuous with his character development with everyone else, and that felt odd. Their relationship had very little to do with the primary themes associated with their characters otherwise, not even in a "they are an oasis from the stress of their lives" way. Kaleb-Jed: The last vampire-werewolf rivalry! I would watch that enemies-to-frenemies-to-lovers. Lizzie-Jen: I'm not sure this does work, really, because the worst Lizzie's parents have ever been is not being there in person while working their hardest to make the best world for her and Josie. She fundamentally doesn't know what it is to have a malicious family (even including Dark Josie). I feel like Lizzie wouldn't have the necessary empathy for that not to cause a major conflict in a relationship down the line. But they would work well as non-primaries. Josie-Penelope: I'll agree with a lot of people that this was my favored Josie canon ship, but that's mostly on the strength of Penelope as a character. The relationship itself was pretty one-sided as we saw it in canon, which limits my ability to visualize what they would look like if they were together for the long term. Josie-Finch: It's fine. You can see all of the writing's intentions, and they're executed fine. Josie helps Finch enter a world where she's no longer a loner, and Finch turns that loyalty into someone Josie always has in her corner. But I just don't watch TV for "fine" relationships. Mainly, this ship was at a disadvantage for always limiting Finch's inclusion into the Squad. There's a problem when your reactions to Lizzie aren't distinct! In that sense, the Finch-Jed friendship arc was more interesting. Josie-Jade: We didn't actually get to see what their relationship would have been like. Seems like it would have been pretty boring, or it would have been a case where Jade has hangups and Josie focuses on them, so they have to break up because Josie needs to prioritize herself, etc. They might have done well in a dark AU, with all of the betrayal and Rippers and Dark Josie and whatnot. Other Ethan ships (Hope, Josie): The show was weird about Ethan, throwing him at every member of Panda Squad as a potential love interest, but then not following up except for Lizzie. Hope was sunk by aforementioned annoying monogamy (i.e. she was still hung up on Landon), while Josie was sunk by both Maya's preexisting crush, and Josie's guilt over breaking his arm. Speaking of which, did Ethan ever get to process that with Josie? Jed-Ben: It's fine. They're extremely pretty. They had a lot of future potential. Again, though, the Jed-Finch friendship arc was more interesting. Other MG ships (Alyssa, Kym, Nia): MG sure got to mack on so many people. I think Nia was MG's best match. Kym was a lot of fun, but the point of her being in too much danger is valid. Alyssa ironically shares the same problems as Lizzie, where they theoretically like that MG is kind and supportive, but don't actually like or respect what MG does for his own sense of fun day-to-day, which is toxic in the long run. Twins-Alyssa: Mean Girl Hatefucking Fun Times