#and all this while my DAMN CAT wont get off my DAMN LAPTOP so i cant even excitedly fic about it like i should

[selffagellation]

Lord Huron Jutty Mean Girls Day being Twin Temple Eve is giving serious Destiel Putin Election vibes but instead of major world changing events it's just my personal music taste

[cherrytsukkis]

streaming minecraft with the first years

- word count: 1.4k

- characters: hinata, kageyama, tsukishima, yamaguchi, yachi

- a/n: i made half of this on mobile and half on my laptop so,,, also i got way too immersed in this bc all i do is play minecraft (even tho i suck) anyways, enjoy this mess!! also ty to ppl on the rircus rerver for helping me with minecraft usernames!!

tsukishima made a server for y'all after you bribed him (also some of his viewers begged him to)

kageyama and hinata teamed up and killed tsukishima, not even a minute in

and you were just there like “:o chat yall seeing this shit”

yall spawned in near a birch flower forest biome thingy and you and yachi bolted over there

you asked yachi to be your minecraft gf and she accepted

as soon as she said yes, kageyama and hinata killed tsukki again lmao

you and yachi moved to a different voice call bc hinata kept screaming about how tsukki was after him now

you guys began planning on having a cute little cottage core home together

you go mining while yachi makes a farm + gathers animals

yachi screamed of joy when she found a chicken family

she also screamed when she happened to find a pink sheep

you guys are just talking about random stuff and were just vibing for the rest of the stream

the next time you stream on the server, you see that yams made a cute little spawn place and yams took you on an adventure to go see his home in the snowy mountains

tsukki logged on and you and yams proceeded to go try to find his home despite tsukki tell you to fuck off

for some reason, he starts giving you guys clues on where he’s at

you’re all like “omg friendship 🥰″

but in reality, someone donated like 50 bucks for him to kill you and he’s taking this opportunity to lure you guys

 it turns night really fast and then a group of zombies gang up on you

you end up dying like four times before you baby rage and give up 

you leave the voice chat and go back to being a wee farmer waiting for your lover, yachi, to log on

instead of yachi, you get hinata </3

hinata logs on and he immediately calls you

“hinata-”

“y/n!!! do you wanna go to the nether with me!!”

“no ❤️″

you hang up but then he calls you again

“i’ll give you a two pigs, i know you and yachi are looking for some”

thirty minutes later, hinata has gotten you lost in a soul sand biome

only plus from this trip is that you got a lot of glowstone

you ended up having to call kageyama and ask him to come save you bc yams was mining god knows where and tsukishima would never help you bc he’s a bully <3

kageyama was calling both of you dumbasses in the vc

hinata bc hinata is hinata and you for following hinata blindly

then he got lost somewhere else in the nether <3

and now the three of you were fighting as you ran away from ghasts and skele bois

“it’s the short height for me”

“it’s the abandonment issues for me”

“it’s the need to one up each other in every situation because y’all insecure for me”

this whole time your chats were telling yall to just look at coords so you could find each other but you guys are illiterate </3

yachi finally logged on and joined your call and she saved yall bc she was watching your stream this whole time and was like wtf

the vc was SILENT as yachi led y’all to the nether portal

you muted yourself in shame and starting thanking recent subs and just the chat in general

everyone in chat: ugh we stan a dumb queen 🤩

another time you go on the server, hinata has accidentally started a war against tsukishima and so like every five minutes you would see smth like “tinysun was blown up by moonshima” or “moonshima was shot by tinysun using schlong” (yes hinata is that guy)

speaking of names

yall clown kageyama every five seconds bc he made his ign ‘Setter_soul_x’ (bc his streamer name was taken </3)

he gets pissed off a lot and leaves the server bc everytime you guys start a fight, someone will be like “okay Setter_soul_x”

yachi has “yacchan” meanwhile yams had “yamagucci” and you can can decide whether you have a clapped ign or not

now to just talk about general stuff

i feel like yams and tsukki would be those bitches who make exp farms and shit

like one day you’ll log on and you’ll ask them where they’re at and they’ll be like “oh we’re making an enderman farm in the end” or “we just finished a villager breeder” or some shit like that

yachi would stick to farming and being a cottagecore gay and you would be the one to do most of the mining and shit

sometimes she’d follow you when you go to fight someone or just bother them

hinata made a giant netherrack meatball at spawn and inside of it is just pure hell

everytime someone tries to go in it, they get blown up by a creeper or smth bc its so fucking dark in there bc the dumbass forgot to put some type of light source in there

kageyama’s house is just a cube-shaped hole he mined somewhere and everytime he wants more space he’ll just expand the cube

you and tsukki end up teaming up together at one point and made a railroad to everyone’s homes and to different biomes

when everyone fought the wither, tsukki, yamaguchi, and hinata did most of the work you and kageyama were far away watching like “damn thats crazy” (yachi wasnt streaming at the time and just told you guys she didnt care if you did it without her)

when it was time for the ender dragon, it was a whole different story

tsukishima and yamaguchi were hella prepared and were calmly going around destroying the end crystals while you, hinata and kageyama were just trying to get away from all the angry endermen

yachi was just placing water down and making cobblestone huts y’all could hide under

once tsukki and yams finished destroying the end crystals, you joined them in shooting down the ender dragon

kags and hinata were still fighting endermen 

like all you’d see is “ __ was slained by Enderman” messages as you listened to tsukki and yams talk to each other calmly

yachi said she wasnt fighting no dragon bc fuck that shit

one y’all did kill the dragon, hinata tried to claim the dragon egg and tsukishima yelled at him for like ten minutes bc hinata didnt do shit

and while tsukki fought with hinata and kageyama, you and yachi followed yamaguchi into an end gateway

you found an end city but then you fell outta the world </3 dont ask how, you just did

you decided to log off and that was that

another time you logged on, tsukki invited you to go with him to a woodland mansion bc he got a map

you thought he was being fishy but you went anyways bc content

everything was going well, you guys traveled there together, found a desert temple along the way, you tamed a cat, tsukki talked about conspiracy theories with you

but then you got to the mansion and you lost him

you were like tsukki where tf you’d go and he would tell you a place and you would go and he wasnt there

you were about to cry bc so many mobs were after you and u just boxed yourself into a little dirt hut in the corner and you kept yelling at tsukki in vc

he muted himself bc he was laughing his ass off at your pain heart been broke so many times

he finally came to get you bc apparently he already moved upstairs and just as you calmed down, tsukki betrayed you

you walked in front of him in fear of mobs hitting you from behind but tsukki ended up hitting you with a sword to death </3

you immediately logged off and then cried to your stream about fake friends for like ten minutes while listening to the inside out soundtrack

your chat convinced you to log back on and hesitantly joined the vc again and tsukishima apologized while trying to hold back laughter and told you that he put your stuff in your chest and you were like 🥺🥺🥺

overall the server is very chaotic but kinda nice bc family bonding ❤️ and even tho tsukki is a dick he along, with yams, help you and yachi out sometimes so your cottagecore aesthetic thrived

UNEDITED.

tag list: @kaoyuuuuu​ @macaronnv < it wont let me tag you :((

[kitiwrites-blog]

Coffee Shop - David Dobrik

Summary: You’re working at your local coffee shop and a fluffy-haired boy walks in. You know exactly who he is.

Word count: 2.2k 

(welcome to my new blog! it’s been a while since i’ve been active on tumblr - or written anything that’s not academic writing for that matter -  so please forgive me! enjoy :3 )

~Requests are open~

---

It’s absolutely pelting down with rain and you’re frantically trying to pack away the salt and pepper shakers from the outdoor tables. Your uniform is completely soaked and you’ve barely managed to collect half of the damn things. 

“Fuck fuck fuck, as if this day could get any worse,” you grumble. You’ve had a frankly awful day, littered with entitled asshole customers left right and centre.

A tall figure rushes to help you, collecting the remaining shakers and depositing them with the rest of your collection which are protected on a table sheltered by an overhang. 

“Oh my gosh - thank you!!” You shout over a clap of thunder, squinting through the rain to face him, ushering him through the cafe door and back into the warmth. 

“You’re welcome!” He shouts back, his voice oddly familiar.

It’s not until the two of you are inside that you realise who exactly just came to your rescue. David Dobrik is smiling at you, his dark fluffy hair soaked and plastered to his forehead. 

Your brain short circuits for a second. Holy shit. You’d been watching this guy’s videos for years and now he’s standing in front of you with the same goofy smile on his face.  You panic a little, not knowing how to react.

“You didn’t have to do that!” you settle with, “You must be freezing! Here, sit down.”

You pull him over to the cozier side of the cafe near the fire place, rushing off to grab him some blankets that you keep in the back. “They’re not towels, but I’m sure they’re better than nothing.” You say as you hand one to him, quickly wrapping the other around his shoulders. Your face is hot and you can tell you’re blushing. 

‘Smooth, Y/N,’ you think to yourself.

He laughs at your frazzled state and accepts the blankets, “Thank you, now I’ve gone from drowning in rain to drowning in blankets.”

You giggle, he does look a little ridiculous. “There are worse ways to go.” You reply with a smile, “Can I get you something warm to drink?”

He grins, “I’d love a hot chocolate.”

“Done.”

You return to work, heart racing as you clear tables . The David Dobrik was in your cafe.  Most of the customers had made a mad dash through the rain to their cars to miss the worst of the storm, so it was just you and him left in the cozy LA cafe. 

You watch him over the top of the coffee machine. He’s pulled out his laptop and is frowning at something on the screen.

When you drop off his drink with a smile, he grins back and pulls off his headphones, “Thanks!” 

“Anytime.” you say as you plonk yourself down on an arm chair nearby, wringing your hair out and letting the fireplace warm your soaked body. You may as well take your break now, there’s nothing else to do.

“Here,” says David, offering you one of his blankets.

You take it gratefully and wrap it around yourself. It smells like boy and you definitely don’t burrow into it a little. No sir.

David closes his laptop and turns to face you fully. “So who do I have to thank for the best hot chocolate I’ve ever tasted in my life?”

Surprised at him making conversation, you chuckle and reply; “Do you see anyone else around here?”

He smirks, “I was asking for your name.”

“Y/N,” you reply with a blush, “and if that’s best hot chocolate you’ve ever tasted, I’m concerned; the owners make us use a packet mix here.”

He gasps, “Y/N! How could you expose your cafe like that!” he exclaims with mirth in his eyes.

You laugh and launch into a rant about proper hot chocolates - the melted chocolate kind. The good shit. He smiles, listening to every word.  Eventually you sneak off to the back and pull out a Lindt chocolate bar that you’d bought on your way to work (initially intended for a late night snack), and bring it over to the machine. He follows you and watches as you melt it and froth some milk to add to it.

When he tastes it, his eyes go wide and a contagious grin etches onto his face. 

“Holy Shit.” He laughs.

The two of you move back to the fire to drink the rest, while you wait out the rain.  No one else joins you in the shop, the weather outside is just too awful to even contemplate leaving shelter. You tell each other about your lives and the banter between you is so easy that you don’t want it to end.  

You tell him that you’ve seen “a couple” of his videos and he gets excited and asks which ones.  You nervously list a few of your favourites and he tells you some of the stories behind them. 

You sit talking for hours, the sun has gone down and the shop should have been closed at least half an hour ago. It’s only when you stifle a yawn that David eventually unwraps the blanket from himself and moves to stand.  This hair is now dry and even fluffier than it usually is in his videos.

“Thanks for having me for so long, I should probably get going.”  He sounds sad, but somehow; you know he’ll be back. 

You smile, thank him for the chat and downright refuse to take his money.

“But Y/N! I drank like all of your chocolate!” He says, his wallet is out and he has cash in hand, but you’re adamant.

And that’s how it goes for the next few months.  Every afternoon he comes alone into your cafe and you make him his special Lindt hot chocolate. If it’s a quiet day, you’ll sit with him and the two of you will talk each other’s ears off until a customer comes in. When you’re busy, he’ll normally just edit videos on his laptop and wait for you to finish your shift; then he’ll walk you to your car, chatting the entire way about video ideas or asking you about your university studies. You never let him pay, even though he tries to every time.  

Sometimes he gets recognised.  It’s adorable watching him interact with his fans, he’s slightly awkward but manages to remain gentile and kind.  Sometimes when he’s uncomfortable he’ll catch your eye over the counter and send you a pleading look.  With no idea how to help, you normally just laugh and fake swoons behind the fans’ backs until he laughs and doesn’t have to fake his smile anymore.

It makes your chest feel funny.

He’s so different to the person you see in his vlogs, he’s focused and driven, yet has the biggest heart.  You’re too nervous to ask for anything more. You don’t want to ruin what the two of you have going on, even though you want so much for there to be more.  

That is until he comes in with a girl latched to his arm.

You recognise her immediately from his videos. She’s just as gorgeous as ever.  You tense a little when you see her at his side, but relax as they come closer and you can hear what she’s saying.

“David! You’ve been sneaking off somewhere every afternoon to somewhere and wont tell any of us where! There has to be a girl involved I just know i-” Corinna is whisper yelling at David when she sees you.  A shit-eating grin gracing her beautiful features.  It feels good knowing that he’s been sneaking away to spend time with you.

David looks uncomfortable and has a slight blush tinging his cheeks. 

“Look what the cat dragged in!” You greet them both with a wink to Corinna.

“Hey Y/N,” David says with a laugh, looking more relaxed when he sees your ease with the new-comer.  “This is Corinna, she sort of stalked me all the way here.”

You come around the counter and greet Corinna with a friendly hug, she turns and gives David a look you can’t see that makes him stick his tongue out at her.  

“Nice to meet you Y/N!” She beams, turning back to you. The two of you hit it off, she’s hilarious and the two of you have similar humour. David, with a relived smile on his face, slinks off to his usual table and begins editing.  Before you know what you’re doing, your hands are making his usual hot chocolate whilst you chat with Corinna, sliding it over to his table when it’s finished. 

“I should get going,” Corinna says, “but it was lovely to meet you Y/N!” 

She turns to David, “David, Y/N should come to our party tonight!  They guys would love her!” 

David wipes his milk moustache and blinks up at you, gauging your reaction to see if you’re comfortable with the suggestion.  You give him a quick nod. “Sure, why not.” he says,  “Would you like to come over to mine tonight Y/N? You can meet some more of my friends.”

“Yeah I’d love to!” you smile.

And that’s how you ended up at David Dobrik’s house a couple of hours after your shift that day.  He’d given you his address so that you could go home and get changed out of your work clothes before you came.  You’d changed your outfit so many times when you were getting ready that it was frankly embarrassing how nervous you were. 

What if they didn’t like you? What if they thought you were weird and told David? Would David stop coming into your work to see you?

Eventually you’d settled on a cute top and some high-waisted jeans. You were so nervous you were about to turn around and get back into your car when someone appeared behind you.

“You must be the lovely Y/N! David told us you were coming!” Zane swoops you into a bear hug, you giggle a ‘hello’ and small squeal when he squeezes you too tight.  Health comes up behind Zane.

“Oh my gosh and she’s just as beautiful as Corinna said she was! Baby why has David been keeping you a secret this whole time?! He throws an arm around your shoulder and guides you inside.

The rest of the ‘Vlog Squad’ welcome you with just as much enthusiasm, it’s a little overwhelming so it’s a huge relief when you eventually see David and he pulls you in for a tight hug, camera in hand for the first time since you’ve met him.

It’s strange at first because you normally don’t hug each other, but you quickly find yourself inhaling and giving him a light squeeze. He smells delicious. 

The party starts and drinks are passed around.  You take a couple of shots with Corinna and turn down Dom’s suggestion of doing body shot’s off each other with a laugh. 

Each of David’s friends pull you to the side at one point in the evening and try to get to know you.  You feel so welcomed that your heart is about to burst with relief.  Matt even tries to pull some moves on you, though you brush him off good naturedly. You have your heart set on somebody else.

The booze is also doing it’s job of easing your anxiety and you find yourself laughing more freely.  You even contribute some jokes of your own to the group, one of which Jason turns to David with tears in his eyes and exclaims; “Please tell me you got that on camera that was too good!”

Eventually, as the night is starting to come to an end, David puts his camera away and pulls you outside near the fire pit.  It’s chilly out and the two of you sit close.

“Thank you for coming tonight, the guys all love you in there. Dom and Matt maybe a bit too much.”

You laugh, “Dom’s certainly an interesting one.” you tease, “But for real, thank you for inviting me, I’ve had a really great time.”

David smiles down at you, “I was a bit worried actually.”

You frown, “Why? That I wouldn’t like your friends?”

“No, not that.” He chuckles, “I was actually worried someone’d try to steal you away from me.”

You look into his eyes, they’ve gone soft. 

“You see,” he says, fiddling nervously with his hands, “I kind of really like you Y/N and I was nervous one of them would try to make a move on you or something.”

Your heart is racing, “Even if they did, I’d turn them down.” 

“Why?”

“Because I like someone else.”

He looks down at his feet, “Oh... I-”

“I like you David,” you say with a small smile.

His head whips up so fast that you’re surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash. “Really?! Did you really just say that or am I dreaming?”

You laugh, repeating your words from the day you first met; “Do you see anyone else around here?”

He beams. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Get on with it the-” and his lips are on yours.  They’re softer than you imagined, and somehow sweeter too.  One of his hands comes to rest on your cheek while the other pulls you closer by the small of your back.  His tongue brushes against your bottom lip which causes you to gasp. He uses the opportunity to deepen the kiss slightly.

You bunch your fists into his t-shirt, suddenly feeling happier than you ever have before, smiling into the kiss so wide that it almost doesn’t count as a kiss anymore. 

Hollers come from behind you and you break apart to see the whole Vlog Squad squealing in glee at the sight of you two.  You burrow your face into David’s chest to hide and he hugs you tight, laughing at his idiot friends.

You guess they’re your idiot friends too now.

---

[v0m1tgutzx]

Depressing December

 ( Jse egos )

                                              (By:  Michaela Boyd)

It's getting to around that time of the year when it’s christmas and everything just seems tough at times and all you want to do is scream in your pillow.(me XD)  In the Septiceye house (egos House) Chase brody is being dealt with a lot of drama in his days and with christmas coming that isn't helping at all for him. Also  With stacy keeping the kids from a Cringemas party that’s going on and for like all the time from chase seeing them, what will happen in this drama-comedy story along the way? It turns out it’s going to be a Depressing December….     (warning this story contains viloince and suicide, and some swearing also. And maybe some smut involved. You've been warned. Have fun!

The Outcast

“Marvin?” Chase saw Marvin was on his hands and knees  looking under a table like he was looking for something. He was whispering something and cursing “where is the damn thing!”  He rose up quickley and bumped his head on the table “ow, fuck!” Marvin hissed as he got up and rubbed his head. “Marvin…. can i ask you something?” Chase repeated. “Oh it's you chase what do you want?” he said annoyed still rubbing the bruise. “Well i was ju-” “Oh and if you wanna know what i was doing ,I'm trying to find my wand- hey i bet Anti has it he's probably playing with it like  a knife- i'm gonna kill him!”  Marvin said  ignoring  Chases question.  Marvin noticed Chase wasn't too happy he had a frown on his face and almost tears in his eyes. Marvin stood up and put his hand on Chases shoulder. “Hey are you ok?” Being more calm this time. “I just got off the phone with Stacy and-” He was just interrupted by a crackling laughing noise by Anti. “HAHAHHAA!” Marvin looked up and gritted his teeth “ANTI! THERE YOU ARE YOU BASTARD!” Marvin yelled and walked over to Anti which was still laughing and also Darkiplier was there  strangely. “Oh look the kitty wants to play hahaha!” Anti glitched and sneered. Dark and Anti both laughed. “Hisss!” Marvin spat like a cat “You better start running you fucking jackasses!” He took anti by his black t-shirt and looked in his green glowing eyes “where's my wand! I know you took it and dont try to play stupid either!!” he said very angry. “HA! I didn't touch that worthless shit! Then darkiplier yelled out “Hey kitty cat!” Marvin took loose of Antis shirt and his eyes got wide. he saw Dark call his dog, DarkChica, and she came running to darkipliers side. “Grrrrr!!” she snapped at Marvin and barked. “ROOF ROOF ROOF GRRR!!!” “GIT THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!” Marvin tripped and fell. Chase came to help him up, as dark and anti laughed again  “don't worry she dont bite hahaha! Anti glitched. “Ugh why is one of the “ipliers” here? Chase looked at Dark with a disgusted look. That was to mean that the ipliers are Markiplier's egos. Anti looked over to Chase ignoring the comment he made to his friend Dark, “oh hello Chase- came to help your friend. Oh and how are those kids of yours  doing?? he smiled showing sharp teeth, making a smart comment back. “U-um that's known of your concern.” chase looked to the ground then for some reason he had a sense of courage come in him, he knew Anti wouldn't let him feel bad this time. , “you know- a-anti i think you should just shut the fuck up! Give Marvins wand  back now!” he yelled “oh sorry pretty boy didn't mean to hurt your little feelings hahaha!!” Anti and dark both laughed again.  Marvin stepped in front of Chase as if to protect him from Anti. “LEAVE HIM ALONE!” “or what?” Dark said with his eyebrow raised. Chase pushed through marvin. “Or we’ll call Henrik!��� anti and dark laughed again Anti almost choking, “THAT BITCH DOCTOR CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!!” Anti screeched. “HE'S WEAK!!” Anti twitched.  Chase tried to say something but something was holding him back he was almost scared of Anti a little and didn't know why Marvin wasn't really even helping anyway.  Marvin then shoved chase “Stay out of this Chase!!” he looked at him with a mad look “don't make this already worse than it already is!” he almost looked like he didn't care if anti did anything he just wanted his wand back. “B-but Mar-” “GIVE ME MY WOND YOU FUCKIN IDIOTS! Marvin was yelling in Anti and darks faces cursing. “NOT TILL YOU GIVE ME MY KNIFE BACK YOU HAD TO OF TAKEN IT!!!!!” Anti glitched.  “I DID NOT!” they fought back and forth. Chase didn't know why Marvin didn't want to help him.. He felt like an outcast in this fight, as if he was a child and had to shut his mouth. I'm tired of Marvin he doesn't even care about how I feel... “ Chase thought. I miss Henrik.. He hasn't come back yet.. I wish he was here he would know what to say ...” 

Chase was lost in thought as he saw Anti push Marvin as if he  was trying to knock him on the ground. At that point Marvin was hissing and Anti was up in his face, this didn't look good. “GIVE ME MY KNIFE BACK OR I'LL TEAR YOUR THROAT OUT!!!! Anti growled spitting in Marvin face. “I SAID I DIDN'T TAKE IT ARE YOU DEAF!!!!!!” Marvin yelled louder “YOU FUCKIN LIER!!!” Anti yelled back with a high pitched voice cracking. Chase was covering his ears as now darkiplier even started to join in they were all yelling in eachothers faces all because of a fuckin wand and a knife! Chase seemed to become very angry and wanted to yell for them all to shut up but something stopped him- 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!”  everyone looked up to see Henrik yelling at the top of his lungs, Chase was shocked to see him back.Mostly relieved.  Everyone's eyes widened. “What's going on!” Henrick looked at all of them. “U-um… “ Chase looked at him trying to tell him what happen when marvin pushed him and pointed to anti. “This bitch wont give me my wand back! He said.  Anti grumbled and screeched “he wont give  me my knife back!” Henrik looked at both of them with his arms crossed and he looked pissed. “Both of you give each others stuff back.. NOW! He said. Anti looked at Marvin smiling. “UGH!” Marvin growled, he pulled the knife out of his pocket in his cape. And held it up, with a disgusted face. “well ,well well. Hahaha.” Anti giggled he snached the knife out his hand. “Now give him his wand back” Henrik looked at him with a look. “What if I don't want to … doctor..?” he smiled. “NOW!” Henrik yelled as if anti was a child. “Fine” anti moaned. He took it out of his back pants pocket. “here … bitch” he cursed under his breath as he was going to hand it to him. Marvin went to get it from his hands when anti snatched it away as if he wouldn't let him have it. “Anti!” Henrik yelled. Then Marvin said  “give me it you fuckin brat!” he was trying to get it from antis hands when anti threw it at Marvin. “Here i didnt need it anyway. He cracked his neck and looked at dark and back at his knife. “At Least I have my precious knife back”  he smiled. Marvin rolled his eyes as chase picked the wand up that anti threw and handed it to him. Marvin snatched it from him and put it in his pocket. “Im sorry Henrik…” He looked up at him. “No.. don't be sorry! He said quickly, “these imbosolts should say sorry! “Now go to your room Chase” he said still angry.. Chase almost said no, but did as he was told and went. He felt as if even henrik was upset with him. He wiped his eyes and slammed the door. “Okay.. as for you Dark, you shouldn't even be here!” “I was leaving anyway..” he gave him a death stare and looked back at Anti and took chica and went. “Both of you go to your rooms i don't wanna see you for the rest of the night!” They quickly went to their rooms. “Vhat is vrong with everyone lately..” he went to chase's room which the door  was locked. “Chase?” he knocked on the door. Chase got up and opened the door and hugged Henrik. “Z-zhat was unexpected” he rubbed his hand on chases back and hugged back. “May  I come in” “y-yeh” chase said wiping his tears that just had fallen. They both sat on chases bed which had his dirty clothes on it. “vhats wrong Chase?” Chase knew he could tell him anything. “I-i called stacey about taking t-he kids to the Cringemas party b-but she said they didnt w-want to go-” Chase sucked in his snot and wiped his eyes. “H-ey- hey don't vorry about them just forget about vhat she zaid” Henrik put his  hand on his shoulder and held his hand. “B-but.. I just wanted to s-see them a- ag-ian.” tears came from chases  eyes and he hugged Henrik very tightly and cried in his white coat. “Shhh, Chase i'm here for you.. I promise.. You got to lizten to me now.” He rubbed his back trying to calm him down. “Forget about them”.... “th-ank you for helping me feel better… your a good d-doctor.  he looked at him and henrick wiped chases tears away. “For now on.. call me Henrik, i'm your best friend” he smiled. Chase blushed a little and cleaned his eyes and he calmed down. “What will I ever do without you” They both cuddled and finally fell asleep in eachothers arms.

“I really like writing this :D  Can't wait to do the next part! Teehee ^^”

Next

NO FUN

Chase was on his bed on his laptop  looking at Jacksepticeye’s instagram. “Oh Jack.. why are you so happy and successful I have  to live in a house with these losers”.. "I have nothing to be thankful for." Chase pouted  to himself while looking at  pictures of jack, which he looked very happy in. It was very early in the morning he was up all night thinking about the kids and didn’t really have much sleep only when henrik got up to brush his teeth.  “*yawn*” Chase had to get up too, but didn't feel like it, so he put his laptop down and threw the sheet over his head and laid down.his eyes grew heavy and he soon closed them and went to sleep, When he heard his door open, “get your ass up!” said someone. The voice sounded like Jackieboyman, but chase ignored him.  “Go away” chase moaned. “Ok but i guess you don't wanna say goodbye to Henrik.” jackie ran out the room like a baby. “Wait what?!” Chase quickly rose up and looked around. “Jackie???” Chase got up and chased after jackie but then bumped into henrik on the way almost kissing . “Ow!” Chase shouted. “Henrik! You're still here!”   chase said blushing “zhere you are ! Oh and  zorry i didn’t see you coming ``Henrik said with a smile.  “Y-your leaving aren’t you.” Chase looked at him with worried eyes. “Yes.. I have to do my job you know I'm a doctor.” He said. “B-but i thought you don't work on Sundays that's not fair!” “I have sick patient i need to vorry about” “so you don't have to worry about what I'm going through.” Chase argued. “Of course I do!” Henrik reassured him. “I care about you more than anything chase, you just need to learn that i can't be here for you always.. You need to start taking care of your own problems.” Henrik said very calm. “Yes doctor..” chase felt kinda guilty now that Henrik had told him to deal with his own problems Chase didn't know how to do that. “Lizten you are young.. But itz time you take care of your responsibilities you underztand me?” “yeh..” Chase looked down at his feet in shame. “Im sorry” Henrik hugged him. Chase buried his face in heriks chest, he felt as if he was going for a long time.. He hated whenever he left he would always got into trouble or had to be alone all day. “Remember stay where Jackie can zee you, he will be watching you, ve dont vant you to get into trouble like you did last time.” “okay, okay i know” Chase said annyoed “I’ll be back zoon i promise.” Henrik grabbed his coat and put it on. “Bye..” “bye chase… and remember dont even think about your wife or the kids.” Chase didn't answer he just thought how boring the day would be with Jackie and Marvin. Then jackie ran  into the room while tripping with a coffee mug in his hand. “WAIT DOC!!” he yelled. “Oh yes, i need my coffee!" Henrik took the coffee and took a big sip. “Oh heeeeyyy Chase.” Jackie rubbed the top of chases head. “Oh and you forgot your hat.” he reminded Chase and he had his hat in his hand. “Ugh.. thanks.” Chase took his hat and put it on. “Im gonna make sure you dont do anything stupid haha!” jackie laughed.  “Oh i won't!” chase said with an attitude. “I'm going to my room” Chase left kinda pissed off. “Well bye doc.” “bye Jackie, make sure Chase doesn't feel too bad about me leaving,.” “sure” Jackie pushed Henrik out the door and slammed the door behind him. He quickly jumped to his feet happy that Henrik was gone. “OH MARVIN!!!” jackie yelled while running to jump onto the couch beside Marvin who had a bowl of popcorn. “What are we gonna watch?”Marvin asked putting popcorn in his mouth.  ‘SPIDERMAN!!!” jackie yelled “YES!” Marvin yelled back, putting his arm around jackie ready to watch the movie. 

Chase was in his room on his phone looking at Twitter. He then put it down and lay in his bed for a while thinking. Since Anti was out with Robbie and Jameson(two of antis closest friends in the house)  Chase didn’t  have anybody to hang out with. Besides Marvin and Jackie. Chase got up and went to check what they were doing. He crept to the living room and saw the both of them. It looked like they were playing?  “Haha stop!” Marvin giggled. Jackie was tickling marvin as Marvin threw popcorn at him. It looked like fun but Chase kinda wanted to keep watching.  Fools. Chase thought to himself as he watched them. Marvin was trying to push Jackie off the couch it looked like.  “Come on Marv!” Jackie laughed almost getting on top of marvin.”i just wanna play!”   “Hahahahaha!! Get off me you jackass!!” Marvin laughed and giggled Chase hadn't seen Marvin that happy before.”hahaha Marvin!” Marvin was still fighting him and Jackie was still playing. “Hahahaha! Jackie no! Haha! stop hahah please!. Marvin  kicked jackie's belly, still laughing. What the fuck are they doing? Chase continued to spy on the two as they wrestled. . “Come on say it Marvi!”  Jackie said laughing taking marvins mask off. “Don't you love me?” Jackie giggled. he kept tickling as he Marvin giggled too. “yeh! “ Marvin laughed even harder. “What was that? Come on say you love me haha!”  “Oh my god! Yes i love you jackie hahah!”  He kicked The bowl of popcorn which fell on the floor.making a huge mess.”how much!”  Jackie gave Marvin a kiss on the cheek. Marvins face was covered red. “I love you alot jackie.” Marvin stopped laughing and smiled at jackie. Chase noticed that he never actually saw marvins face before. But now it was kinda clear that Jackie and Marvin are in a relationship.   Their together?? but i didn't know that they were? Yuck! How did I not know? But why?. Chase thought. And oh my god marvins face looks so weird without a mask.  “OKOK STOP!” Marvin laughed harder. “Aww ok” jackie got off and laughed as marvin’s hair was messed up. “You look funny without your kitty cat mask on haha!” he giggled. “Fuck you!” Marvin pulled jackie's mask  and then let go of it as it hit his face with a smack. “OW!” jackie yelled.  “But ...You look cute without your mask too..” jackie said with a smile. “Oh..” marvin blushed again.   “Lets go check on Chase!” Marvin changed the subject. And jackie got up.  “Shit!” chase  whispered and ran to his room and quietly slammed the door. “Dude they're a couple!?” chase said to himself. “Wow.. and eww.” chase said.  Then chase remembered the time when he had a partner.. Stacy. Chase was lost in thought when Marvin opened the door. He had his mask back on, and jackie had a cup of water. “Chase we've come to check on you.  Jackie  said and handed him the cup of water. “Eww water?” “well isn't it better than drugs??” Marvin remind Chase smiling.  “but- “ chase whined. “Oh c'mon you know Doc doesn't let you have that shit!” jackie said. “We are trying to get you off that duhhh.”jackie said touching Chases nose as Chase looked at him disgusted.  “so what were you doing?” Marvin said. “Oh! I was er- on Youtube watching Jacksepticeye’s new video.” Chase lied. “Me and marvin were watching spiderman!”  Jackie lied as well. “what video was it?” Marvin asked Chase. “U-um.. The one about.-. Him playing a game!” Chase studdard and his face turned red. “Oh really can we see?” Jackie said curious.  Chase looked at them with a mad face. “Why don't you believe me!” “you think i'm doing something like… trying to kill myself?GEEZ!!” Marvin and jackie both looked at eachother "Jesus Christ no!!" Jackie said.  “No- no of course not!” Marvin said quickly. “We just are following doctors orders” jackie said. “Chase laid on his bed and threw a pillow at them   “get out!!” Chase screamed. “Chase!” Jackie picked the pillow up. “What's the matter?”  Chase was pretty upset.. Chase looked down at his feet thinking about the kids and what hnerik had said.  ignoring jackie. ”i said get your asses out!!” Chase yelled again. Marvin was kinda tired of Chases attitude he knew what he was thinking...  “Well it's not our fault your wife left you!”  Marvin said walking out the room. Chase looked up with wide eyes he couldn’t believe marvin would say something like that. He knew Chase  had depression about all of it. “Marvin!” jackie turned around to go after Marvin.  Chase got up and slammed the door behind jackie and locked it. He sat down and buried his face in his knees. “Chase?!” “ you didn't have to get so mad at us? And now you made Marvin mad just open the Goddamn door !” jackie yelled.  ‘NO!!” chase cried. “Please!” jackie said. But chase didn't answer. Chase looked up to here what jackie would say next, he never said anything. For a minute chase thought jackie left. “Jackie?” Chase checked. He didn't answer. Chase got up and looked through the crack in the door jackie was gone. With a sigh chase went and sat on his bed and drank the cup of water. “Yuck” he swallowed it, it tasted plain and gross. “Where did this come from the toilet.” with a sigh Chase laid it down on the table. He then got out his phone to call  Henrik.  “Pick up pick up!” He said hoping henrik wasn't too busy. When his phone rang a couple times he never answered. “God Damn it!”  Chase screamed in his other pillow. He thought that he would never have fun with jackie and marvin here they never wanted to do anything with him. Chase got up and opened his door and checked to see what they were doing again.

Marvin and Jackie were in the kitchen sitting at a table,  and it looked like they were sharing cookies and milk with each other. Jackie touched his nose on Marvins and looked into his eyes blushing.  “I love you Marvi…” Jackie said and then Marvin said “i love you” back  closing his eyes. Chase watched them “eww” chase whispered to himself. And walked away. “Fine if there gonna be to busy making love or something er- whatever- I'm outta here!” he whispered and then went and grabbed his hoodie and went quietly out the door.

“I ship Marvin and Jackie! Yay! ”

You Can Say It’s Just Jack Frost.

Chase walked the streets with his hoodie on his head with his hat on. It was freezing out there. “Brrr.” Chase shivered. “T-this i-is the r-right thing t-to do….” he said holding himself. “I gotta f-fi-nd s-somewhere t-to g-go.” Chase kept on walking he didn't even know why he left to start with. Even stupider that he didn't even take his car. “I-im s-such an idiot.” he closed his freezing eyes, it seems like it was going snow. He was thinking about going to Anti and the others for help.. But he just realized he didn't know where they went. “I-im gonna f-ffreeze to d-death!” chase said gritting his teeth. He came to some houses. He wanted to knock on them but didn't bother.. He remembered what Henrik told him. “Never approach strangers” he remembered. He pulled out his phone to call Anti. Surprisingly he picked up! “Hey chase!” Anti said, and he sounded happy? “H-hey A-Anti.” chase shivers.  “are you crying?” Anti said being mean. “N-n-o!” Chase tried to explain. “I-m c-c-old!” chase said. “Who cares.” Anti said annyoed “and why the fuck are you outside your gonna die!- Well i probably wouldn’t care.” anti said coughing. “W-what?” chase said not hearing Anti’s comment.  “W-hat are you e-even d-oing?” “were just hangin… wanna come i can get Jameson to come get you.” Anti said. “S-ur-” Chase almost said when he remmberd what Herik said. Don't trust anti.. Stay away from him.” The thought shivers through chases spine. He wanted to accept the offer so badly. “Comon Chase, you wanna hang with us… right?” Anti said trying to convince him. “Y-yes..” Chase said like a baby. “Then come on..”  “i-.. Ok…” “hahahaha” Anti giggled. “Ok wait somewhere Jamseson is coming. “O-ok..” Chase found a bench and sat down, scrubbing his hands togethor blowing in them to make him warm.  The  bench was really cold and icy on his bottom. “F-fuck t-its c-cold.!” chase said, wishing Jameson would hurry up. I don't even know why Henrik told me to stay away from Anti.. I trust him. Chase thought to himself.  I wonder how the kids are doing..” i wonder what Jackie and Marvin might think about all this.. If they find out i left im dead! “Well i might be dead if Jameson doesn't hurry his ass up!!” Chase yelled out loud as white fog came out his mouth. Suddenly a small white snowflake came down from the sky. “O-oh God..” Chase muttered.  And it landed on his nose  as it melted. Then came more and more.. It was snowing. “Brrr” chase shacked and freezed. “I-it's-sn-owing!” more and more snow fell as Chase began to freeze even more.what was Antis problem? Couldn't Jameson really take that long! soon minutes past. Chases hands were numb and he couldn't feel his legs anymore. Then what's even worse he had to pee. He couldn't talk either he was beginning to wonder if it was really worth leaving.. Or even trusting anti… He laid on the bench and covered himself with his hoodie “i….-i h-hav-ve t-o c-call H-hen-rik….” Chase said beginning to freeze. He forced himself to try to pick his phone out of his pocket and   then he turned it on.. It was almost frozen. But when he turned it on it died.. “N-no…” Chase looked in despair as his phone fell to the ground. He knew he probably wouldn't survive in this condition.  Chase took all his strength and threw himself  on the ground  and used his arms to drag himself through the snow. Then Chase realized.. Jameson never showed up...Anti lied to him…  As chase tried to pull .. he couldn't bear it much longer.. His eyes closed and tears filled his eyes… “i_im so-rry…. “ Chase then finally past out in the middle of nowhere freezing ..to death.

Counted how many times I say “even” in this story

The Doc Is On The Case

“Chase!” A voice shouted. “CHASE! GET UP!” The voice shouted again. Chase couldn’t get up.. He heard the voice and it sounded familiar. But couldn’t make out who it actually was. Then the person picked him up. And took him in his car. Where am i… and whos caring me.. Chase thought to himself. Chase heard whoever was saving him saying something. “Chase you’ll be ok! I promise just hold on! Stay with me!” The voice cried. Then chase tried opening his eyes he was too cold and he still was kinda frozen up. He felt a hand on his face it was really warm.. And felt a warm blanket go across his body. The car was warm too everything around was warming up. He finally could open his eyes. He saw the face of his most bestest friend..Henrik, first off he thought he was dreaming but he wasn’t it was a christmas miracle! “H-henrik..” “Chase!?” Henrik smiled and held chase’s hand. “Don’t vorry we'll be home before you know it..” Henrik cranked up the car and began to drive while Chase sat beside him bundled up in a blanket. “I-im.. sorry” Chase said sniffing.   “No don’t be… it's not your fault.” Henrik kept driving, since he was a doctor he knew what to do about Chase. As they drove Chase couldnt be more happier that Henrik was there he knew he would be ok.. “Thank you..” Chase began to fall asleep as he heard henrik say “your velcome.” in his beautiful german accent. Chase was actually warm inside and didn't want this moment to end. At home~  Suddenly chase woke up and he was placed in a warm bed. It was henriks bed. Maybe he wasn't placed in his own bed because it was a mess. Chase had been placed in an orange tank top and some sleep pants. “Henrik?” Chase said opening his tired eyes yawning. “Yes chase?” Henrik answers. “You're a lifesaver.” Chase laughed. “Oh no problem.” Henrik gave chase some coffee. Chase took a sip as the warm liquid taste on his taste buds were so delicious and warm. And he swallowed it, it was so much better than water! (speaking of gross) “Wheres Marvin and Jackie?” chase asked. “Oh those two troublemakers!” Henrik said. “I sent them to go get some groceries and some other stuff for you.” Henrik scratched his head. “But I can't believe they didn't notice you were gone.. I'm sorry this happened to you Chase.. I'll make sure they will regret doing that!” Henrik said in a mad voice. “No.. it was my fault.. They didn't let me go..” Chase sat up and put the coffee mug down. “I went on my own..” He finally said. “What? Why?”  “you never picked up your phone i called but you never answered. So I snuck out of the house and went to find somewhere else to go…``''oh chase! Why.. you almost killed yourself…” and then henrik just realized what he said.. Chase usually  wanted to do that! “Chase it's not your fault.. I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone, I was probably with a patient. “So why didn't you ask someone for help? When i found you you were laying in the ground bundled up.” Henrik explained. “I-i called Anti.. He said he would get Jameson to come pick me up-” chase was interrupted by Henrik “and the bastard never showed!” Henrik shouted not believing what he was hearing. “Y-yes…” Chase knew he shouldn't have brought Anti up.. “I told you to stay away from Anti!” henrik said angrily. “Im sorry.. I couldnt help it i was freezing!” Chase augured back. “Why did you let him get into your head!” “I didn't know!?..” Chase said confused. Then right when henrik was going to say another comment Jackie knocked on the door. “Hello??” “doc are you in there?’ Jackie said. Henrik got up and opened the door seeing Marvin with a bowl of soup and jackie with a blanket. “ come in.” henrik said kinda still mad at Chase. They both came in and looked at Chase. “Well you sure do look warm.” Marvin said sitting the soup on the table. “Yeh..” chase was almost feeling  guilty Marvin Jackie and Henrik were both trying to help chase for something he did wrong.. This was all his fault. Jackie sat down next to chase putting the blanket over his feet. “There ya go.” jackie smiled. “Um.. thanks? Your not mad at me for leaving? 

Jackie looked up at Chase with a confused look. “Of course im mad!” Jackie said. “Yes chase we all are mad at you!” Henrik said. “Oh…” Chase looked down and closed his eyes shut.. He really couldnt believe they all were mad at him.. But he did think that henrik wasnt that mad.. After all he was upset because of Anti. Henrik to a deep breath. “Chase we don't actually blame you.. This could happen to anyone.”  Henrik said trying to be calm. “I know.. But I'm the one that listened to Anti.” “Anti?” jackie said looking surprised. “Yeh Anti told Chase that jameson will pick him up and bring him, but he never showed.” Henrik explained. “Oh that's tough!” jackie said. “Im gonna get that jackass!” Jackie said. “Wow calm down.. No ones messing with Anti.” Marvin reminded Jackie. Jackie got up and put his hoodie on his head “no worries i'm a superhero did you forget?” He bragged holding up his fists. “Sit your ass down!” Henrik said. Pulling on Jackie's hoodie.  “Whatever!” jackie sat down beside Marvin who was sitting near Chase who was getting kinda annoyed that everyone was sitting on his legs. “Guys? Can i have some space?” Chase said with an annoyed face. “Um no  i see that your better now. Did you think you were sick?” “yeh cmon get up its my turn!” jackie pulled on Chase's arm jumping on the bed. “Dude what the fuck! Get off!” chase yelled. “C'mon we want some attention too!” Marvin pulled the blanket off of chase. “What no!” Chase pulled the blanket from marvin and stuck his tongue out at him. “ very immature chase.” Henrik said. Chase looked at him with a stupid face. jackie laughed and  jumped on Chase and was trying to push him out the bed. “Cmon me and Marvin cooked cookies lets go!” Marvin got out of the bed and went with henrik in the kitchen. “Don’t you want to finish your soup?” jackie sat down in front of chase. “No.. I hate soup. Chase pouted. Jackie pulled chase’s hat over his face."aww Chase you hate everything!" "Well.. Soup taste like shit!" Chase whined again. “Then let’s go eat those cookies before they do!!!” jackie jumped off the bed and ran out the door. Chase rolled his eyes and went after him.  

Dr. Scheeplestien saved the day.. Hey i thought jackie was the superhero! XD

Not Gonna Reach My Telephone

Chase was in the kitchen with Robbie eating some cereal which was from Halloween and it was gross too. Chase was eating some sour patch kids cereal, which was probably gross too . “Mmm!” Robbie said crunching loudly. “Eww how can you eat that stuff!” Chase said disgusted. “Robbie is on box. ” Robbie said pionting at the box. Since robbie didn’t know how to talk properly he didn't really know much. So he kinda sounded weird when he talked.”this is robbie's favorwite cereal. Robbie said sticking his tongue out.   “but why are you eating it its too old.” “your a meanie Chase, it Halloween duh.” Robbie said acting like Chase was the dumb one. “Whatever.” Chase said putting another spoon full in his mouth. “ how are eating that shit?” Robbie said looking over in Chases bowl. “Because I saw it on a commercial duhhhh.” Chase said back at robbie who was slurping down his milk. Like a pig.Then Marvin came walking in with his eyes looking tired.  “Hey guys.” Marvin sat down beside them yawning.  “Chase why did you put sour patch kids in your cereal?” “this is my cereal!” Chase said laughing. Then Robbie started laughing as Chase had a milk mustache. “Haha you look like Jameson hahaha!” Robbie laughed pionting at Chase.  Chase wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “Pass me the milk.” Marvin asked   “ill help!” Robbie offered to help, so he grabbed the milk with one hand which his hand sipped and the jug of milk  accidentally dropped and the milk poured it all over the floor “oopsies!!” Robbie said slipping on the floor falling on the floor on his bottom. “Owie!!” Robbie cried. “Robbie!” Marvin looked at him disappointed. “Are you ok?!” chase went to help him up. Marvin rolled his eyes and help dry up the milk. “Im stupid…” robbie whined. “No your not… i fall on my ass all the time haha..” Chase laughed embarrassed. “Hahaha tanks chase.” Robbie hugged him and chase shrugged. “You really should be more careful Robbie.” Marvin looked at him crossing his arms. "Fuck off!" Robbie said sticking his tongue out. "Um. Robbie you do know who your talking to?" Chase said. Marvin smiled and rubbed the top of Robbie's head. "Its okay robbie." "Okay! In that case! Here ya go!" Robbie yelled and was slumbling to pour some milk in a cup and handed it to Marvin. "Er- eww- thanks." Marvin looked at it and snatched it away from Robbie. "Jesus.." Chase said being annoyed at both of them, but more of Marvin. "Marvin why don't you go shit in a litter box!" Chase said taking the cup from him. Robbie laughed and cleaned the rest of the milk up. "Oh go cry in a corner!" Marvin said back. Chase looked at him with a death stare, kinda concerned. "Go make out with Jackie! Hahaha!" Chase said back making Robbie laugh. "WHAT! HAHAHAHAHA!!! MARVIN X JACKIE!" Robbie yelled spitting out his milk pointing. Marvin's face was turned flush  red under his mask.. He was really embarrassed. "U-um-" Marvin studdard blushing. "Fuck you guys!" Marvin said running out the room almost knocking over a chair. Chase sticked his tongue out. "Yeah! run scaredy cat! Ha!" Chase laughed Robbie laughed harder enjoying Chases company like he always did. Chase was a good friend maybe because Anti is close to Chase and that makes Robbie like Chase. Chase stopped laughing and realized who he was with. He remembered what Anti did to him.. Leaving him in the cold like that other night on purpose.. Chase obviously needed to deal with the problem. "H-hey.. Robbie can you do me a favor?" Chase said sitting straight in his chair. Robbie looked up with a confused face. "What?" Robbie looked in Chase's ocean blue eyes. Chase kinda didn't know how Robbie was gonna react because he was so young but Chase had to know for some reason. "Um… I need to talk to you okay?" Chase said acting like Robbie was a baby. "Ok… " Robbie's voice sounded weak and it cracked. "Where were you last night?" Chase said trying to sound calm. He didn't want to argue with Robbie after all. "We went to..  place where to sleep." Robbie explained in a quiet voice.  "Oh so when you mean we you mean JJ and Anti and you?" Chase asked. "Yeah duhh " Robbie answers sitting up straight. "Do u know where you were??.. I mean what did u do?" "We went and  eat pizza Robbie's favorite!" Robbie said with a happy smile.. Chase looked at him smiling and maybe thought Robbie was gonna be easy to talk to. "Um.. So where did u go to sleep?" "Anti calls it apartment? But we went to sleep there Robbie have no sleep..I hate it there" Robbie pouted. "Yeah.. You missed it here huh?" Robbie didn't answer instead he got up to put the milk up. "Why are we talking again?" Surprisingly Robbie said that plain and simple. Chase just said it out loud. "Why did Jameson never show up?" Robbie yawned and looked at chase. "What?" Robbie said. Chase groaned and got up and walked over to Robbie grabbing him. "Dude! It's not that hard just tell me why Anti lied to me?!" Robbie's eyes widened. "Anti lied?" Chase face palmed himself. "Didn't u know about what happened?" "Nope??" Robbie said sounding dumb. "OH MY GOD! U FUCKIN IDIOT!" chase accidentally said out loud. Henrik came in the room looking confused. "Chase?!?!" He shouted which made chase jump. "Zhat are you doing to that poor child!" Henrik came and shoved chase off Robbie. "Were talking about Anti!" Robbie blurted out. Chase looked at Robbie and then towards Henrik . "well… why don't you just head on to bed Robbie I'll deal with chase here." Robbie went walking limp.  "Chase.. Please don't tell me you vere talking about vhat happen?" "I-i'm sorry… I just wanted to know why." Chase looked up at Henrik. "Oh chase… I know your young and curious about different things.. But you know how Anti is.. " Henrik took his finger and put it on chases chin and lifted his head, looking him in the eyes. Chase kinda blushed. "I know.." "As we all know we don't know what Anti is planning or anything.. He can be bad at times and good at times." Henrik shrugged. "Don't start trouble.. Its already bad enough that you have to deal with Stacy and the kids.. I don't need you making more things happen that's not your concern. " "anti is the least of your problems is vhat I'm saying" Henrik said with a very calm voice. He was very concerned for Chases safety. "I know you're trying to make me stay away from him.. But it seems like I can trust him." "Yeh and see where you ended up.. " Henrik reminded. Chase let out a sigh. Thinking of a way to make Henrik not make at him. "Please understand.." Henrik touched chases shoulder.   "I do.." Chase smiled a little. "Forget about what happen it doesn't matter don't let him get into your head.." Henrik kept trying to talk some sense into his best friend. "Its like I have to forget about a lot of things.." Chase clenched his eyes shut. "I wanna be able to trust that you take my words seriously chase.. I'm not playing this time. I gave you your varning" Henrik said with a concerned voice. "Your a young boy chase.. With a lot to learn, I'm telling you if you don't change your life you'll end up in a situation you'll regret happening." Henrik kept talking fluiding chases mind with different thoughts which he totally didn't care to hear why should I listen to a doctor.. I mean he's my best friend. Its where to the point, I can't control it any longer…. Chase interrupted Henrik. "Fine.. I'll work things out with Stacy.." Chase finally said. Henrik looked up surprised. "Oh chase that's wonderful!" Henrik smiled. "Or maybe you should go to her house and work things out?" Henrik said. Chase really didn't think that was a good idea last time he went to see her they had a fight. "Um.. Maybe.." Chase said finally still thinking.  Henrik took his phone out his pocket and gave it to chase to call her. Chase looked up and smiled "ok." He took the phone and hugged Henrik very tightly and put his face in his chest. "Thanks again..". Henrik let out a sigh and looked down to see chases happy face in his warm chest. Henrik didn't answer he just was proud Chase felt safe.  

Time skipped ~ Chase went in his room and sat on his bed cracking the door so no one would barge in.  Chase dialed Stacy's number. Number by number Chases heart raced. He didn't know how she was going to react He didn't talk to her in awhile. He really missed her…oh maybe she wont answer.. I mean- I want her too.. After all i'm sure we can work something out? Right? Ugh what am i thinking its stacy!

Then chase shot up when he heard a tempered voice. He was glad to hear. “Oh it’s you Chase what do you want?” Stacy said in a mean voice. She almost sounded like Marvin when he got annoyed with Chase. Chase gulped. He stood there for like 10 seconds staring at his phone. “I know it's you Chase pick up your damn phone!” Stacy yelled. “W-what!? S-stacy??” Chase said quickly. “Oh come on what do u want, you better not have a stupid exuscuse to want me back its not happening. Stacy said. “No! That's not it! I.. i just wanna ask you something.” Chase tried to say calm. “Fine it better not be something dumb like begging to me about some stupid shit.” Stacy didn’t seem at all happy that Chase was on the phone. “Im sorry.. Just please don’t hang up.” Chase begged. “If you were sorry you'll be a great father and a great husband.” Stacy said with an attitude. “I-im sorry stacy please let me just talk to the kids.. And i promise i would be a good father..” “how can i take you seriously when all you do is drink!” “i stopped that!” chase said getting mad. “You make me sick chase. The kids don't want an alcoholic for a father! And I don't want a looser for a husband.” “stacy.. I'm sorry!” “you already said you were sorry!” Chase couldnt believe what he was hearing he never thought stacy would be this mad at him. “Please! I'll do anything to see them.. Can we just work things out.. “ Chase pleaded. “And dont bring up that stupid party i already said they don't care to go.” “n-no.-” Chase tried to explain. “The kids don't want anything to do with you right now chase..” Stacy said. Chase stopped for a second.. He just wanted to cry but didn't because stacy would just beat him down for that too.. “Stacy.. Why..” 

“No chase! I'm sick of your bullshit if you don't want to get your life together, so be it.. Your not gonna see the kids again!” Stacy said pissed off. Chases heart just felt like it sank.. He was crushed for the fact that stacy would say such horrible words.. Tears started to fill his eyes. His stomach felt like it had a stone inside it. “Wh-hat…” Chases voice cracked with tears rolling down his cheeks. “You heard me, don't speak to me again or I will be calling the law on you!

“Goodbye!!!” Stacy went to hang up when chases phone slipped as he caught it in time. Holding it close to his ear. “W-wait!! Just let them stay only on the weekend??!!-” Chase quickley studdard but it was too late Stacy hung up…. “Stacy!? Stacy??- …. Im.. sorry.” Chase clenched his eyes  shut as tears kept falling down his cheeks. He threw his phone at the wall.. He was truly broken inside.(actually the phone is xD) Chase laid on his belly sobbing in his pillow as hard as he could. 

He cried for a long time only when he heard the door squeak. “GO AWAY!!” Chase sobbed harder at the person at his door. But nobody answered. Chase thought it was someone just playing. “DID YOU HEAR ME I SAID G-” Chase rose up and stopped when he saw Jameson standing at his door with a scared look. Chase wiped  his nose and eyes. “Jameson.. It's only you..”(here's where it gets boring -_-) Jameson nodded and sat beside chase with a warm welcoming smile. Jamseon was a mute so he needed to do hand gestures. What's wrong? Jameson hand signaled. “I called stacy.. It didn't go..so well.” Chase told JJ  telling him everything. Im sorry. Jameson wished he could just talk and tell chase how he really felt about all this but it wasn't really easy to do hand gestures. “Oh sorry do u need something to write on.” Chase went under his bed and pulled on a whiteboard and a marker handing it to Jameson. Jameson bowed his head thanking chase. Jameson wrote on the broad. Chase i'm sorry that has happened to you, but you shouldn't let someone get the best of you.. Listen  no ones perfect.. That's why pencils have erasers..  Jameson wrote and then he looked up and shrugged. No i actually need an eraser!  Jameson smiled. Chase kinda giggled and gave him an eraser. Chases eyes were still watery so Jameson gave him a handkerchief out of his pocket. “Thanks..your a good friend.. Better than everyone else could be to me...” Chase smiled. It's gonna be ok Chase i promise.  Jameson hugged Chase as he saw the tears coming back, it was hard to keep it together because he seemed like such a baby and he still thought of life without the kids now.. Jameson was worried for his friend he just wanted to cheer him up. “I-i miss them..” chase sobbed. I know. Jameson said that time with his mouth movement. You know chase.. It takes a real man to cry in front of another ... Jameson wrote that and chase was kinda cheered up by it. “Oh jameson what will i ever do without someone like you..” Chase hugged tighter making jameson hug more. (Jesus christ) They sat there awhile. Wow… JJ sure did help me calm down.. Now i kinda feel bad for blaming him for leaving me in the cold. Chase knew that things were not over between him and the kids, he knew it.

Stacy is a bitch! Lol but the next part is kinda stupid XD

This is based on the song telephone by lady gaga.

Hurts Like Hell 

  Jameson went and chase was still laying in his bed.and Meanwhile  He got up and was looking in his drawer for his phone. He completely forgot that he through it somewhere. He searched through and came across a photo of him and the kids. It was the one where they went to DisneyLand together.. Chase looked at the photo.. Wishing that he could change the past.. But he can't. “Why did this have to happen to me.. I'm such an idiot..”  “stacy's right.” Chase looked down at it. “Right about what?” Jackie shoved the door open hitting the wall. “Dude whats your fuckin problem?!” Chase got up. “What are you doing??” jackie smiled. “Nothing get out of my room.” Chase just wanted to be alone right now besides he was already mad enough about stacy. “Oh please just tell me, hey! What's this” jackie took the photo from Chase. “Give that back!!!” Chase yelled. “Ohhhh your kids.” “jackie! Im not in the mood for your bullshit give me the picture!” Chase struggled to get it back. Jackie grinned. “Hey, Chase were you on the phone with Stacy?” Chase looked up how did you know!!?!” Chase was getting frustrated. “I was kinda looking in on you.” Jackie said. “Why the fuck are you trying to get in my business!!” “why were you trying to get in my business?!” jackie looked at him mad. Chase stopped and looked at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

Jackie looked at chase and then at the picture. “What r u doing??” Chase looked at jackie concerned. Jackie quickly took the picture and ripped it apart throwing it to the ground. “NO!” chase shouted picking them up.”WHAT THE FUCK??”  “YOU WERE SPYING ON ME AND MARVIN WEREN'T YOU?! YOU KNOW EVERYTHING AND YOU TOLD EVERYONE!” "LIKE CANT I HAVE A LIFE WITHOUT YOU GETTING IN THE WAY!?  Jackie surprisingly yelled out loud. “W-what?” chase remembered that.. Was he not suppose to know? “DONT PLAY STUPID CHASE! WHY DONT U MIND UR OWN BUSINESS!” jackie yelled at him.chase was getting really mad.  “WHO FUCKIN CARES IF YOUR DATING THAT BITCH ANYWAYS!” chase shouted back. Marvin walked in the room he looked mad too. “Don't talk to him like that!” marvin said. “Why are you loving your own person?! Thats stupid!” Chase said." Your disgusting! "  At this point it was kinda turning into a fight. “SHUT UP CHASE SINCE WHEN DO U HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY THAT?? IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE LOVES YOU!” jackie was really angry, chase's face was shot with anger as well."SHUT UP!"  “You cant even take care of yourself!?” “yeh your the stupid one! Now i know why your wife didnt want you!” “THATS NOT WHY SHE LEFT ME!!” “ohh then why did she?” Marvin said with a smart comment. Chase looked at Marvin  and jackie with a death stare wishing that he couldt just punch those two right in the mouth. “YOU TWO DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW I FEEL!” “YOU DONT KNOW HOW IT FEELS!” Chase raged. “OF COURSE WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKIN LIFE THATS NOT OUR PROBLEM!” Marvin yelled. “WHY DONT U GO CRY YOURSELF ASLEEP LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO CHASE??” Jackie yelled. Chase never knew that he would get in a fight with them.they were one of his true best friends. “THAT'S ALL THAT YOUR EGO IS GOOD FOR CRYING!  ALL DAY YOU  CRY ABOUT SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN  WANT YOU!” At that point robbie and jameson were at the door watching the fight. “ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS STACY! SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME!” “ SHE MAY NOT CARE ABOUT ME… BUT ATLEAST I HAVE A HEART!”the fight went back in forth. “I FUCKIN HATE THIS PLACE DO YOU THINK I WANNA SPEND MY LIFE WITH EVERYONE HERE! OF COURSE NOT!” Chase was talking over Marvin and jackie now they actually stopped to shut up. “NO ONE EVER CARES ABOUT HOW I FEEL! ITS NOT FUCKIN FAIR… I WISH I WAS DEAD!” chase got so loud now.. All the egos came in the room. That even everyone stopped to here what he had to say now . And chase was even crying too. “I HATE EVERYONE IN THIS GODDAMN WORLD! “But chase..” robbie began to say but Anti shook his head no to shut him up. “EVERY FUCKIN DAY I PRAY TO GOD THAT MY CHILDREN COME THROUGH THAT FUCKIN DOOR...BUT THEY NEVER DO BECAUSE MY ASSHOLE WIFE IS KEEPING THEM AWAY FROM ME!.. “AND I CRY EVERYDAY LIKE A FUCKIN LITTLE BITCH!” “DO YOU THINK MY LIFE IS SIMPLE! “ "I SHOULD JUST  KILL MYSELF! MAYBE THAT WILL FINALLY GET YOUR ATTENTION!!!" Henrik was staring at chase with tears in his eyes.. Everyone was.. Even Anti had to say.. He kinda felt bad for him. “I'M DONE WITH ALL OF YOU!” chase finally said wiping his tears away.”chase.. No..” Henrik pleaded. Chase didn't even bare looking at Henrik he just walk off pushing henrik pass him. Chase went out the door.  “What’s gonna happen to chase..” robbie said. “Well.. he’ll be back.” Anti said with his arm around robbie. Henrik picked the photo up. “Poor chase..” “i-im s-sorry doc…” Jackie looked to the ground upset. “I know you are jackie… I know….” 

When chase said Marvin didn't have a heart- well he does on his forehead XD lol this chapter was long..-_-

  IŞ̷̩͇͚̩̝̮͓̹͇̠͌̋̂̓̎̋͝͠C̷̨̺͈͔̟̲͇͔̮͖̄̍̈́̉͂̉̄̄͐͋̄̔͂̇ͅͅR̶̩̻̱̬̞̠͎̀͛̍͒̋̐̿̈̇̾̏̾̽͝ͅE̷̡̧̡̨̛̲͕̘͖̯̬̼̠̻̟͖̐̊̽͛̑̄̾̓̈Ą̶̙͈̭̗̝͖̦̯̠͖̤̣̬͙͛͐̈́̊̆̃͐̊M̵̛̗͋̃̽͝! 

"Mommy.. When is daddy coming back.." The kids were really upset they haven't seen their father in a month.. Stacy looked at her little girl. "I'm sorry honey.. But he isn't coming back.." Stacy forced herself to say. She knew she was lying to her own kids but she obviously didn't seem to care. "W-why..?" The little boy said. "Oh he doesn't want you guys anymore.he said that he didn't want to see you ever again." Stacy told the kids in a lie. "But Daddy loves us doesn't he?" Their voices sounded soft and muffled. Chase was desperate to see his kids that's the only thing he wanted. "I'm sorry kids he just doesn't have time for you.. But hey, it's better than not having no parents at all." Stacy hated her ex and couldn't see that he only wanted to change what he done in the past. Stacy was frustrated with his foolish choices.  Since he had been doing drugs about some time she can't trust him around her own children. "Now. I don't wanna hear you talk about him no more ok?". They both looked at their mother believing her . " yes mam." She hugged them both smiling.

~Meanwhile…   Jackie was getting some breakfast while thinking of what happened the other day. He couldn't believe that Chase wasn't coming back.. It was coming to the point where Chase might of left for good. Henrik came in the kitchen and saw Jackie staring off in the distance. "Jackie?" Henrik walked over to his friend to see if he was okay. Jackie seemed upset Henrik never seen him like this before. "Henrik.. Hey"  "What.. U doin?" Henrik said . he's probably worried about Chase. Even Henrik was sure of that everyone was starting to worry about Chase because he hasn't come back this morning. "I-its all.. My fault.."Jackie finally said in a baby voice.  Henrik looked up in shock. "What? No, no it's not your fault Jackie.." Henrik went to grab his shoulder.  Jackie around to face him. "Chase is gone… and it's all my fault!…" "Don't blame yourself He's gonna come back.." Henrik wasn't sure about that though. "If I have never been such a selfish bitch..He would have... still been here.." Jackie looked at the ground holding a cup of milk in his hands. "How is it your fault?? You couldn't have known chase was gonna storm out like that!" "Well who started the fight!" Jackie looked into the doctor's eyes looking really worried. "Jackie… please don't blame yourself.. I know Chase is probably.. Gone.. -look Chase was mad okay? Henrik studdard to say.. He loved Chase like more than a patient but as a brother of course he wasn't letting this get to him fast. " Why even bother talking some sense into me.. I'm the reason he's not coming back! What if… -what .. If Chase does something bad.. What if he trys to commit suicide again!." Jackie studdard hard where to the point he was trembling. Henrik was too. "Don't say that!!! He's gonna come back.. I know he is" "how do you know- Oh don't tell me.. Because your a Doctor.." Jackie said with a whacky voice. "I'm your friend Jackie stop blaming yourself!!" "Okay.. So what.. Chase can just never come back.. We're never gonna see him again!" Henrik looked at Jackie with a face that scared jackie, "ughh stop Jackie! I'm not gonna deal with someone that is gonna keep beating their self down for something that wasn't their fault!" Henrik's accent was sounding strong now. "Well… At least not ..again" Henrik cracked his neck and scratched his head gathering his thoughts. Jackie still looking at him worried."I don't know.. Everything I did was wrong.."  Henrik took a deep breath. And grabbed Jackie making him jump.   The cup dropped to the ground shattering.  "Listen.. Chase was wrong, to leave out mad...You were wrong to tour that photo… And Marvin was wrong to even join in in the fight.. Ands what made it worse…We were all wrong to just watch as chase was defending himself.. We could of stopped him …. But we didn't-" Henrik's eyes grew watery. He only cried when something really was sad to him.. He had a job.. And it seemed like a failed his patients. "Are you okay doc?" Jackie "y-yeh.." He said wiping his tears. "Look it's been a long year.. It's almost Christmas.. We all need to fix our mistakes, Now we need to hope that chase is gonna be okay, ok?" "Yes doc.. I mean. Henrik" Jackie smiled a little. "And don't let Chase tell you anything about love.. You and Marvin are fine together.." Henrik smiled back. Jackie sighed sadly. "Looks like its gonna be a depressing December after all huh?" Jackie Shrugged changing the subject. "I guess.." Henrik was uneasy he couldn't understand why Jackie was so at edge.. He never seen him like that. Maybe it is just the season, But season or not.. Chase was still out there.. And Henrik was gonna find him. 

Marvin just came out of the bathroom from doing his business when jackie came jumping in front of him. Marvin almost wet his pants again (lol i make no sense XD) “jackie!?” Marvin screamed. “Heyyyy Marv!” Jackie smiled happily. “You fuckin scared me!” Marvin took a breath. “Geez!” “oops sorry, hey can i talk to you?” Jackie asked. “Ok, it better not be long i gotta help decorate the tree.” Marvin and jackie sat on the couch Anti and jameson were helping decorate the tree.. Mostly jameson, Anti hated to. Robbie was there caring the star which was to heavy for him.  “So, what's up?” Marvin quickly asked. “Im very worried about Chase.. I dont think hes coming back.” jackie said. “Well.. I'm sure he will, i mean he's probably not gonna survive out there by himself.” Marvin told him. “I was afraid you'd say that..” Marvin took his hand and placed it on jackie's leg. “Don't overthink it, Chase is smart enough to come back.” “we yelled at him..pretty badly..” Marvin sighed at jackie's comment. “What are we gonna do?” “since i started the fight.. And ripped the picture.. I'll go find him.” “no!” marvin cried. “Don't go out there alone im coming with you..i love you.” Marvin said. “I love you too Marv.. but i think chase was kinda more mad at you.” jackie laughed a little. “Excuse me??” mavin said. “Let me go by myself.” “fine, just take someone with you.” marvin said with a smile. “Ok bye love you.” jackie kissed marvins cheek with marvin blushing. As jackie was leaving he bumped into Robbie. “Ow!!” robbie said falling down. “Hi jackie!” jackie helped him up. “Be careful geez.” “where going?” Robbie asked. “None of your business.” jackie pushed him. “Why?” robbie said. “Huh?” jackie didn't understand what he meant. “But i want come- I mean to- I WANT TO COME” “haha what?” Jackie laughed. “Ughhh i want to come with you!” Robbie shouted trying to sound normal. They both busted out laughing. “Whatever who cares!” Robbie said giggling. “So can i??” “no.” jackie stopped laughing. “Whyyyyyy.” Robbie whined. “It's too dangerous, im sorry but your a kid.” “i'm no kid! I'm a man!” Robbie said putting his hand on his chest. “Who cares what you are i'm going to find chase.” Jackie laughed. “Oh. i miss chase.” robbie said upset. “Dont worry ill bring him back.” jackie got down on his knees and looked at robbie. “Ok.. bye jackie.” robbie hugged him. “Bye robbie make sure to tell the others and make sure to leave an ornament for me to hang on the tree.” “okie buh bye!” robbie waved as jackie got up and went to the kitchen. Jackie was sure that he would find Chase.. He probably was at Stacy’s??? Jackie wasn't sure actually. Jackie bumped in henrik on way while spilling henriks eggnog on his turtleneck sweater. “Jackie! That was a new sweater!” “ow! I keep bumping into people today everyone is so in a rush.” jackie said helping him. “Their not the only ones.. Where you off to?” Henrik said with one eyebrow raised. Jackie sighed and looked up at the doctor. He knew he couldnt get away with it. “I'm gonna try to find Chase..” Jackie finally said. “Oh… well.. I'm sure your not going alone. Are you?” Henrik asked wanting to go with him. Jackie smiled and patted dhenrik on his arm. “Oh doc of course you can come.” Jackie said answering Henriks question. “Oh ok. Let me get my jacket and change.” Henrik said walking away. “Ok i'll clean this up..” jackie rolled his eyes and started to clean the eggnog. ~Time Skip~ “ok lets go. I'll take the car you coming?” Henrik said getting in his car. “HA! I'm a superhero i can fly!” Jackie bragged putting his hoodie on. “Hmm? Ok.” Henrik cranked up his car and began to leave. And jackie just walked. (he couldnt fly XD) ~While on the way.~ “CHASE!! WHERE ARE YOU!” Jackie jumped rock to rock. He ran through the woods trying to find his friend. “Ugh where are you..” ~Meanwhile~ Henrik kept trying as the window was down he looked yelling chases name over and over. “CHASE!!!” Henrik cried. “Come on.. Where are you?” Henrik whispered. “I will find him if i have to search all night.. I will.”(he never did XD)  ~Meanwhile, Again.~ “CHAAAAAAAAASE!” jackie yelled in a tree. “Damn it.” jackie sighed. “What have I done... “ ~10 Hours passed~ it was getting dark and the doctor and the superhero still haven't found Chase.. They both called each other to head back to the Septiceye house and continue the search tomorrow. But still somewhere out there Chase was alone.. 

(Hey guys, when i was Roleplaying this i thought of Chase singing the song Let Me Make You Proud :D so that’s what he does. Ok back to the story.)

Let Me Make You Proud | Music Video | Tangled: The Series 

~AFTER HE SINGS~ 

Chase was determined to get away from everyone as soon as possible, especially marvin and jackie.  The wind blew and it felt really nice outside. Not hot or cold. Chase thinked that he wouldn't be able to find somewhere else to go but also..He never had a fight withMarvin and Jackie  before  that bad.. And chase never felt that made since his last fight with stacy.. He thought Jackie and Marvin were his best friends.. He just didn't wanna think about them right now.. Chase was really mad mostly crushed cause of the words he said to them… it all came back to him. I wish i was dead.. If i kill myself that will get their attention.. I'm done with all of you… Chase clenched his eyes shut a shiver came threw his spine. He soon grew tired of walking. And the winds blew through his hair. He sighed and just looked around to see all the houses. He looked around for somewhere to sit but didn't see any place. He turned around to hear a noise from off the distance. “What the-?” He started to walk over and see. “Who wants ice cream!!” A cheerful voice said. Chase looked to see a man with vibrant blue hair, blue, white, and pink checkered shirt, a blue-and-white soda jerk hat, and a simple white apron. He was pulling an ice cream cart and a sign that said “ get your icecream 50 bucks!’ Chse watched with his hands in his PMA hoodie pockets. The man  looked very happy and had a big smile across his face.  Chase wonders why no one was showing up? Usually everyone wanted ice cream! Then finally a mom and her little girl showed up. The man looked at them with a smirk showing his teeth.”my names mad mike wanna bite!” He winked at the little girl and her mom.  “I GOT SOME ICE CREAM!” he shouted at them. “Mommy momy! I want icecweam!!” The little girl jumped up and down tugging at her moms coat. Chase kept on watching and couldnt believe how much it reminded him of his own little girl. “Okay honey one ice cream please.” “OF COURSE!!!!” Mad mike said. He pulled one out of his ice cream cart. “That will be 50 bucks!” He said handing to the little girl. “What???” the woman told him. “Thats too much i cant afford that!” She looked at him with a mad face. “Oops did i say 50 i mean 500.” He smarted off. “Excuse me??” “FUCK IT IT'S FREE!” He started to give the ice cream to the girl  and laughed. The woman looked at him with wide eyes. “Hurry up and eat it honey.. This guy is weird.” she whispered in her daughter's ear. “Okie mommy.” Mad mike looked at her and bit his lip. She gave the icecream a huge lick, and then suddenly her face scrunched up in disgust. “EWWWWWW!!!!! TISth TATHSSS BAD!! The little girl shouted sticking her tongue out. The ice cream dropped to the ground. “It's good for you.. Yummy drugs!” Mad mike said happily. “WHAT!!!!???”” The woman shouted with an angry face. Mad mike got another icecream out the cart. “HERE HAVE ANOTHER!” “NO! I DON'T WANT IT!” The little girl shrieked. As her mom hugged her. “EAT THE ICECREAM YOU LITTLE SHIT!! IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!” He shoved it in her face making it spladder. The little girl started crying loudly “MOMMMYYYY!!!” she shouted. Her moms face grew with anger. “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!” The woman got up and slapped him right in the jaw. Mikes face turned red and he rubbed his cheek. Then out of nowhere a man came it looked like the woman's husband. “Leave my wife and daughter alone!” He said angrily at mike. Mike grew of shock and gulped. “S-sir.. Want some ice cream hehe..” He said beginning to walk away. THe man took hold of his apren and cursed in his face. “YOU CAN TAKE THAT ICE CREAM AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FUCKIN ASS!” He said picking him up. Mad mike didn't say anything instead he nodded very quickly as the man let go dropping him to the ground. “Lets go sweety she picked up her daughter and went with her husband as he stepped on the ice cream his daughter had just dropped. Chase looked at the family in shock. “Thanks babe” The woman kissed her husband. And they all went home with mad faces.  Chase looked at them with sad eyes wishing that was him and stacy.. Then he also began to walk away shoving the thought away he quickly walked so that he didn't have to be caught in any business with that guy… when out of nowhere someone grabbed his hat. “What the f-” Chase turned around to see Mad Mike standing in front of him. They both looked in each others wide  eyes. And surprisingly they both said at the same time.. “Do I know you?” 

(this is where the shit gets real!)

“U-um.. hello..” Chase awkwardly said with his face turning red. ”hmm you look really familiar..“   Mike said squinting his eyes. “You too… “ Chase said with a calm voice. “Hmm?? “  Then mad mike shook his head to clear his mind. “Hi! How ya doin?” he asked taking out an ice cream. “I'm just dying inside now can i have my hat back.” Chase said being rude. “Haha! Aww cheer up! U should have some ice cream!” He said giving it to him. “No thanks..” Chase said disgusted. “But it's free!” Mike kept talking. “Ugh leave me alone! I don't want your damn ice cream.” Chase began to walk away. “Fine….i guess you won't be needing your baseball cap. This looks good on my head!” Chase quickly turned around and tried to grab the hat. “Ugh give it to me!” Mike snatched it away from chase and then he noticed something. “What's wrong with you?” he asked. “U-uh nothing i just had a rough day..” chase told him. “Wowie!” Mike cheerfully said not caring what chase said. “Wait? I swear i know you!” chase looked up and looked at mike. “Who are you?’ chase said with confusion. “The question is who are you?” mike touched his nose. Chase blushed and rubbed his nose. “Really who are you.” mike said laughing. “Oh! My names Chase.” Chase said putting his hands in his pockets. “Last name?” Mike questioned with one eyebrow raised. “Does it matter!” Chase said. “Well i guess not.” Since chase couldt trust Mike cause of their nice little conversation it was clear mike was a nice person.”Chase Brody.” Chase answers. “Hmm? Still doesn't ring a bell.””they ring a bell! Like ding ding ding top of moring!  Haha!” Chase said out loud. “WHAT!?” Mike looked up. “W-what i didnt say anything.” Chase awkwardly said. “What did you just say?” Mike repeated. “Nothing.” Chase said being stupid. “Oh ok.” Mike was sure that he knew him but he couldnt place where he saw him from either could chase. Anyway Mike forgot to introduce himself so he gladly did. “My names Mad Mike!” Mike grabbed chases hand and started shaking it while shaking chases whole body. “U-um ok hi Mike.” Chase said stumbling on his feet. “But you do seem like a nice guy.. Accept you look kinda down..what's the matter?” Mike said with his head tilted. “Would you really wanna know.. I mean since we both obviously know each other… I guess i can trust that do wouldn't be rude about it. Chase shrugged looking at Mike who was still dangling chases hat around. Chase watched and then shook his head. “So..um listen so i'm not that good with relationships.. You see my wife left me-” Chase started to say when mike jumped up and interrupted him. “Aww thats so sad..”  Chase looked at him. “And well you see i have kids.. And now she wont let me see them.” Chase heard Mike gasp. “You have kids that have been taken away from you.. Me too- well actually my little girl was..” Mike said with a sad voice. “O-oh really what happen im so sorry.. That must of been hard for you..” Chase asked picking at the hairs on his beard. “Well i'm actually angry mostly.. But theres no way shes coming back..” Mike said. Chase gaspd “im so sorry for your loss..” Chase said. “W-what? She's not dead!” Mike said looking up. “Oh sorry.” “you sure say sorry alot.” Mike said being mean. “I know its a bad habit.. I miss her..” Chase said thinking out loud. “Who?” “my wife duh.. Her name was Stacy.. I loved her more than anything and then when she had kids that was the only thing that i cared for so much in the world.. She had a boy and a girl.they loved to play different things with me , i really miss them.. But one day Me and her had a big fight and she told me to leave.. Ill nevr forget the look on my kids faces as i slammed the door and left.. I just heard their cries yelling “please don't leave us daddy..” And now Stacy wont let me see them at all anymore.. I used to on the weekends but.. Now I don't..” Chase explained the whole story of how Stacy completely took away the advantage to see the kids.. And how his drinking problem became even worse. Mike listened to that part and knew chase would love to hear his secret about the ice cream. But  As Mike listened his face grew mad and frustrated. “If I were you I would just take the kids and run- but i guess that will be illegal, huh?” Mike shrugged. “I'm not kidnapping my children!” Chase told him. Mike sighed and began to tell his story. “Well my daughters name is Annie i loved her so much.. Don't worry I may look like a psychopath- er-but i really was a good father or that's what I thought.. ..accept when they took her away from me…” Mad mike said looking at the ground. Chase looked down to see him clenching his fists in anger very tightly, he looked really mad.. Chase gulped. “W-whose t-they?..” chase asked scared. “The police… “ mike answered in a quiet voice. “Oh..” chase said. “i - i did a bad thing.. Chase.. “ mike said. Before chase could talk mike quickly shut up and said. “Please don't call the police! - i-i can't go back!” mike grabbed chase by his arm. Chase looked down and then up frightened. “I-i wont… I promise!” chase said very quickly. Mike let go of him. Chase could see the angrez flashing in his bright hazel eyes. Chase was scared now but wanted to trust him because they both were going through these things. “I trust you chase.. We are both fathers and miss our kids.. “ mike said. “Im sorry Annie didn't deserve to be taken away from you.. You deserve so much in your life.” chase said trying to cheer his new friend up. “Yeah but your wife sounds like an asshole! Ugh that's why i hate females-``''pfft yeah… I guess.” chase said in a sad voice. “What did you even do to make the police take her away?” chase asked. But Mike didn't answer he was looking in his ice cream cart. “Wanna see something?” Mike asked pulling out a crate. Chase nodded and realized all that time mike still had his hat in his hands. Mike accedaentilly dropped the crate it seemed heavy, and it opened. Chase's eyes got really wide.  Whiskey bottles were inside. “Pick them up! I can't let anyone see this!” Chase jumped and quickly started helping. “Why the fuck do you have drugs in this-are you selling them?” “shhh! Geez- yes i'm trying to get rid of it before the police finds out.” when they picked it up mike showed chase. “You can take a bottle if you want.” Mike winked. Chase looked at the bottles of whiskey and wanted to chug down every last bit of it.. Accept he remembered what Henrik told him that he shouldn't drink.. “U-um no thanks I don't do drugs anymore-” “what!? You quit drinking! And to learn to be happy when we became friends.`` Mike crossed his arms in an attitude. “It's not that I don't like it, it's just that my doctor tol-” “your doctor! Doctors are losers! They just try to get in your head- what should really be getting in your head is the good feeling of being drunk, just fill your mind with empty thoughts, forget about everything.” Mike calmly said in a pleasing voice that made chase want it. He licked his lips as mike lifted it up and drank some. “Ahh thats the good shit!” Mike gulped looking at chase smiling. When they both heard a phone go off. The ringtone was “All The Way” chase jumped up as he heard his own voice. “Wowie is that you singing?” “no! Its my phone ringing.” chase said not getting what mike ment. Chase took out the phone and saw that it was Henrik. He declined and quickly put it away acting like it was something to hide. Mike was trying to peek at who it was- maybe cause he was worried that chase was trying to call the police. “W-whos that??” Mike quickly said worried. “I-its nobody-” “are you trying to call the police!” “what why will I ever do that i'm your friend!!” “Give me your phone!” Mike said. “What? I didn't do anything!?” Mike layed down  the hat and the bottle  “give me the damn phone!” mike grabbed the phone out of chases pocket and through it  “dude what the fuck!!” Chase shouted. Mike picked the hat and bottle back up sniffing. “I'm sorry- i just-..” “no.. its ok Mike..i guess i did the phone anyway- i mean well not know more” chase said. “What's that supposed to mean??” Mike looked at him worried. “I don't know.” “well.. Since i can trust you and were best friends. You have to promise you won't tell anyone ok?” “ok.”  “wowie i can't believe I found someone like you- i haven't had a friend like you in ages..” Mike told him. “Yeah.. me too my friends don't care about me no more that's why i left..” “oh-” Mike looked up to hear a noise off in the distance which made him look scared. “Do you hear that?”  Mike asked looking around. “No..” chase gulped looking at mike. It was the sound of sirens!! “Oh fuck!!” Mike  jumped up . Police cars were coming around the corner. Mike looked at chase, chase saw his scared eyes. “You called the police!!!” Mike's voice sounded fearful. The police cars stopped where they were and two policemen came out with guns. “FREEZE!” One of them said. CHase jumped up and looked at mike they both looked at eachother . There's no way chase was ending up like this. One of the policemen grabbed chase but chase quickly punched one in the mouth. Chase quickly grabbed his hat and grabbed the whiskey out of Mike's hand and stuffed  it in his hoodie pocket. “I SAID FREEZE!” The police said starting to run over to Mike. Chase looked at Mike and then sprang out running the other way, “COME BACK HERE!’ Mike shouted. “YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE! The policemen grabbed MIkes arms.  “NO!!! I CAN'T GO BACK!!” “NOO!! YOU PROMISED!!! Mike cried “YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL!!” Mike struggled to get free but the policemen were to strong. Mike started crying as one of them got out the handcuffs. “You're gonna go away for a long time.” The policeman said. Mike had tears falling and the anger in his eyes were too much. He pushed and pushed but it was no use. His arms were too weak to push them off. Chases heart was pounding as he ran faster and faster. Looking back to see Mike being handcuffed.. And being forced to be put into the police car, he heard his cries and the look on his face when chase ran..  and now chases heart beating as hard as it could when he heard Mike cry even louder“YOU PROMISED!!” Mike yeled louder and louder still trying to fight them. “AHHHH!!! NOO!!!” Chase  heard Mikes pitiful words as he ran  Mikes voice  grew quieter and quieter as chase went father. And the blue and red light from the police cars were around the corner. What have i done! I'm leaving him- and he was my friend...but he kept on running. And then he tripped over a rock. “Fuck!” He shrieked. HIs hand was bleeding and the sharp pain hurt badly.  he heard someone coming It was the other  policeman. CHase got up quickly still tripping over his feet and then sprintied off to where he ran as fast as the wind. “STOP!”  Chase ran even faster he couldnt believe what had just happened but he wouldn't stop running he wasn't going  to jail. He had a family and he had friends.. But the thought of that hurt his heart alot.. Mike had a family too.. Chase hated the fact that he was the bad guy in this Mike was innocent.. As the policeman chased him through the street chase thought of all the ways that he could just say sorry over and over  again to everyone that he dissopointed... But it wasn't the time to. The man was getting closer as Chases stomach was aching and his heart. In his mind he pictured Mike trying to get  free from the police man's grip but couldnt and he was yelling for chase to come help…. The faster he ran the more he breathed harder. He finally came across a park that was closed for the night. THere was his way to escape! There was a fence there and CHase thought that he could probably lose the the man for now.  Since Chase did different stunts when he blogged,  he could jump over the fence pretty easily. Chase sped up and got ready to jump as he heard the policeman coming. He then sprang as high as he could and fell on his feet stumbling on the other side into some bushes.cutting his hand even more. As the police ran by chase was relieved that he was free. With a sigh he made sure he was gone for sure. Poor mike didn't deserve to get taken  by the police.. And when he broke a promise..he probably will never see Mike again. Chase got up and it turned dark. Chase couldnt take it anymore, he sat on a bench which wasn't comfortable he wished he was at home  In his soft bed. “I miss you Henrik..im so..sorry..” he said beginning to fall asleep. “But I don't care anymore.. “ then chase got out the bottle of whiskey and look at it in shame.. “To forget about everything..” chase unscrewed it.. And slowly put it to his mouth. “Im sorry… even 100 sorrys wouldn't be enough for you..huh?” he lifted it up and started to chug it down. To him it was everything he wanted. He truly didn't care anymore.Its like the drugs numbed the pain chase was feeling inside and the physical ones too. Drinking was his only way to forget all of his mistakes and problems, it was like medicine. As he drank even more it was coming to the point where he couldn't sit up. He drank the last sip and blacked out, Hugging his hat, it's like the thought of his family and friends washed away by the drugs. And that day he would never forget Mad mike.. And the words he would never forget will always be..

You promised…

[pabotofus]

A Long and Screamy Rant

So this is a rant dedicated to @apvrrish's fic (aknightley on AO3) 'calling me to come back', a gem of a fic and a sincerely gorgeous work. (If you haven't read it yet, go do it here and now!! Seriously, you won't regret it)

I was originally going to make this only about how I felt, but she writes so well I have to put something about her writing style there

Spoilers for the fic under the cut!!

1. Her worldbuilding

Literally once the fic started, I had such a good idea of what the shop looked like. Even if it may not have matched her mental image, it was so clear in my head (which is extremely rare for me). Apvrrish also does amazing descriptions, and it's like I'm actually living in the moment. It's so awesome!!!

2. Characterization

She nailed it. Completely and actually nailed it; bullseye after bullseye; on point. Shiro and Keith's relationship, later on Keith and Lance's relationship, Pidge (idk why I really liked the mental image of Pidge with a bun. I just did) staying up really late to help Keith, the way pIDGE CAN USE HER MAGIC THROUGH ELECTRONICS HDKCKSKCKFD

3. Lotor and Honerva/Hagar

Honestly, I was going to make this a side note on characterization, but this is so good it deserves its own topic. Honerva is so extra and I love it? I mean obviously it's not cool that she literally tried to kill Lance so that Lotor could go to a school. But that is something that she would totally do, and I can't really express my love for the all of this.

I also love the way aknightley wrote (or rather, mentioned) Lotor. Here's a beautiful beautiful quote: "Lotor was evidently interested in genetic science, something that Alfor specialized in, but Alfor was also specialized in avoiding people he didn’t care for, something Keith found enviable."

So maybe that quote doesn't focus on Lotor specifically, but it's such a GOOD SENTENCE. It wasn't the type of funny that would make me burst out into laughter, but the kind of brilliant genius that made me stare at my laptop screen and re-read that sentence five times, because it's that good.

4. While we're on this topic, QUOTES.

"Scrolling to a number that’s only labeled with a small bird emoji and a poop emoji, he texts, Can you do some research for me?" It isn't really the quote itself that I liked, per se, but the idea that Pidge's contact name is a bird and a poop emoji. That is perfect?? And I love it so much???

“Am I wrong, Sunshine?” Lance asks, tilting his head and smiling slyly." Lance calls Keith Sunshine. LANCE CALLS KEITH SUNSHINE OH MY GOD I CANT??? !!!!!!!

"You don’t need it to look pretty, Keith thinks, unbidden." Do I even need to explain here? Seriously, look me in the eye and ask my why I love this quote so much, I dare you. KEITH ADMIRING LANCE'S BEAUTY IS MY GODDAMN JAM

"“Sure, kiddo,” Shiro says, taking a sip of coffee with raised eyebrows." This. THIS!! The amount of pure goodness in this line is enough to make me cry. Shiro knows. Shiro knows!!!

"“Besides the obvious reasons,” Shiro says, raising his eyebrows. Keith gives in to pettiness and uses his magic to fling the pieces of cereal still on the counter at his face, grinning when they nail him directly in the nose." THIS IS THE GOOD BROGANES CONTENT THAT I LIVE FOR DID YOU KNOW??? Again, with characterization,, such perfection.

"“A customer,” Pidge says, doing air quotes. “A customer you dream about and who makes you go super smiley when he calls you on the phone.”" PIDGE KNOWS. SHIRO KNOWS. THEY ALL KNOW AND STILL KEITH REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT. A GOOD TROPE. I VERY MUCH APPROVE.

"“So I guess I should -- um -- take this off?” He pulls lightly at the material over his chest and Keith feels his own face heat up." FLUSTERED KLANCE IS BEST KLANCE. NO, I DONT ACCEPT OTHER ANSWERS. THIS IS LAW.

"Lance leaned in close so he can peer into Keith’s face.

Across the room, a cedar branch catches fire." AGAIN. FLUSTERED KLANCE IS BEST KLANCE. NEED THERE BE ANY MORE PROOF? (Also, I hope all these quotes convey the immense love I have for aknightley and her writing)

“I’m going to have to buy her something very sparkly,” Keith murmurs to himself, smiling at the little heart she’s drawn next to her name.

Just,, sparkles!! ✨✨give Allura all the sparkly things 2Kforever please and thank you :)

“I’m good, Sunshine,” Lance says, stretching a little. “In fact, I kind of feel lucky right now.”

OHHHHHH BOY. THIS IS THE CLICHE BUT WONDERFUL TYPE OF THING THAT A HERO GENERALLY SAYS BEFORE THE BIG SHOWDOWN AND I LOVE IT A LOT??? ITS BEAUTIFULLLLLLL GIVE ME EVERY AND ALL THE CLICHE TROPES

5. Keith taking off his protections so that he could talk with Lance in his dreams

I'm probably reading way too much into this, but Keith literally let Lance inside all of his defenses. This is his how much he likes Lance. He stripped down all his protection that he's had for like, forever and let himself be vulnerable ALL FOR LANCE. I CANNOT BELIEVE,, THE SHEER EMOTION AND TRUST SHOWN IN THIS SCENE,,, UGH MY HEART

6. Similarly, the garden scene

This is Keith's private place. This is where he goes to remember his parents, and he let Lance come with him. Again, probably reading way to much into this, but Keith is actually letting Lance in? I mean it's never stated explicitly in the fic but I don't think Keith really goes around sharing the garden with people... wHICH MAKES THIS SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL HDJCKDKSKC I WAS LITERALLY CLUTCHING MY CHEST I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS

7. Keith giving Lance his mom's jacket

Keith didn't even let Shiro, his own brother, keep some of his parents' books from him. Granted, it was a different situation, but still. Keith is incredibly protective of anything and everything related to his parents, so the fact that he let Lance wear and KEEP his mom's jacket?? Is like the equivalent of other people literally ripping out their heart for someone else. The Klance here is absolutely wonderful.

8. The 'fuck your emotions' scene

WELL DAMN, APVRRISH, FUCK WITH MY EMOTIONS WONT YOU?? THEYRE BOTH SO GODDAMN SELF SACRIFICIAL??? LIKE LANCE I GET IT YOU LOVE HIM AND DONT WANT HIM TO GET HURT BUT DONT PUSH HIM AWAY LIKE THIS PLEASE,, ON ONE HAND THIS SHOWS HOW MUCH LANCE CARES FOR KEITH AND WANTS HIM TO BE SAFE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND 'FUCK YOUR EMOTIONS' LANCE QUOTES LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL... stop taking both mine and Keith's hearts and stomping them into bits you HEARTBREAKER

9. "The bell, when it rings above Lance's head, still cruelly sounds like laughter."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. CATCH ME SCREAMING INTO THE VOID BECAUSE DAMNNNNNNNN. THE HOLY UNION OF BEAUTIFUL WRITING AND ALL OF THE FEELS IN THE WORLD. My eyes do not deserve to see the glory that is this sentence,, I had to give it a separate topic from Quotes because it was just. So good,,, Even now I feel like I'm not doing it justice, but it's so MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME that I just can't. 👏🏻👏🏻 you did good, apvrrish.

10. Keith realizing he loves Lance

Need I say any more? Literally ALL I could dare to ask for. It's beautiful and I love it a lot. I also like how you didn't make it this big panicky moment for Keith, because honestly? Finding out that you're in love with someone isn't supposed to be all 'oH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO THIS IS BAD'. If realizing that you're in love with someone is bad, well, why are you in love with that person in the first place?

I kinda went off on a tangent there but anyways!! My main point- I really REALLY liked you portrayal of this scene and the way you wrote it. *swallows down the screams of the damned my emotional heart*

11. The dandelion

They're soul bound. They're soul bound, and Keith used a love spell thingy to track down Lance because he loves him and holy hell they're SOUL BOUND. I mean, the whole soulmate thing is low key overdone, not just in this fandom but everywhere. Yet apvrrish manages to put her own unique spin on the whole thing, incorporating magic and the idea of 'marriage bonds', which is really unique.

12. The idea of modern magic

Okay so I've been trying to go in chronological order but as I keep reading I just find this world so so cool. Most times there's a magical AU, the characters are somehow in the past, or it's a different world. But this, this is a combination of modern tech and somehow also these awesome magical abilities. There are potions with real life ingredients (certain types of wood, flowers, stones or minerals, etc.) and for realistic purposes. This is so realistic that I can actually imagine it happening, which is GREAT because it shows just how good of a writer that apvrrish is, but at the same time, makes me wish so so hard that I could be part of this world. Modern magic,, hdjckskc stab me in the heart with everything I've ever wanted, won't you?

13. “True love or some shit, I think,” Lance says cheerfully, and waves his hand.

Another quote too good for the Quotes section. He says this so nonchalantly?? It fits Lance's character SO WELL and so was really funny (idrk why it just made me smile a lot). Also, they're in LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE~

14. Red!!

Beautiful cat child is cute and deserves all the love. I ADORE witch familiars, and Red helping Keith out with the exorcism thing was really pleasing to read. Also,, Red and Lance interactions. The pLaYFuL bAnTEr between Keith and Lance. Hhhhhhhhhhhhh I love this so muchhhh

15. The ending

tHE ENDING, OH MY GOD THE ENDING. THEY LITERALLY RODE INTO THE SUNSET ON A MOTORCYCLE. IM CRYING ITS SO CLICHE BUT BEAUTIFUL??? ME, SOBBING? ITS MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK BECAUSE THIS IS A GORGEOUS CONCLUSION.

Also! "“Why not?” he says quietly, leaning back against Lance’s chest. “We’ve got time.”"

That. THAT. I've already said this in a comment on the fic itself, but this is so good it needs to be said again. This entire story has kind of a recurring theme of how Keith doesn't have enough time with his loved ones (his parents and Lance because of the curse). But now that he broke the curse, he finally had time to be all cutesy and happy with Lance because they have time. Lance is no longer in danger of dying, and so they can take the long way and enjoy life just because now, they can. Catch me screaming into the void again because THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

A last note- I found a song that kinda fits for this fic. The lyrics match the best, but in general the song is also super pretty!! So if you have time give it a listen because it's,, so good (jUST LIKE THIS FIC).

I still feel like all this ranting isn't enough to do this work of art and perfection justice, but anyways!! Apvrrish, continue being the awesomely amazing writer you are.

~Paladin

[jeniferscorner]

I could easily just write all this in my journal but the laziness in me wont let me walk 5 ft from my bed to go and get it. My laptop is right here and the first thing that pops up when I open it is tumblr so...fuck it. So lets try and get these annoying ass thoughts out of my head so I can get some sleep.

26 and still don’t know wtf I’m doing

Applying for jobs just don’t seem to work out in my favor. It’s like no matter how many applications I send in, how many times I spruce up and tailor my resume, no matter how positive I allow myself to be; nothing fucking works out. I’m a damn good worker, I get along with people and I’m willing to learn in areas I may lack knowledge or experience. Bitch I cant even get hired at Kroger. Tf is that!?! Not saying that Kroger is the bottom of the barrel but come on....

Youtube Journey

So I stopped searching for jobs since it wasn't working out. Started taking my youtube a little more seriously. It started as a hobby and turned into something I looked forward to doing. Brainstorming for new ideas, researching, learning about how to edit...completely self taught. The way I like it. Each time I posted a video, I gradually got better with my edits. Camera quality got better. I got more comfortable speaking on camera. And still nothing drastically changed. Now don't get me wrong, I am so fucking grateful and proud of myself for sticking to it and allowing myself to grow and take my time through the process. However, no new subscribers, no true consistent views or watch time and I find myself losing motivation alot. Now the sole reason for me starting my channel was to have something to look back on and be proud of. SHowing how I changed over the years. A time capsule of some sort. So when I feel discouraged I think about that. But as I’m getting older I’m realizing that I can use that platform for my bigger dreams. To start my own businesses. But no one is even watching. No matter how much I promote. It just seems like I’m not even on the radar. Honestly it makes me sad. Even more than I think it should. But I dont wanna give up. I enjoy making videos. Creating my own content. I have days where I’m like, “fuck it...i like this shit and I worked my ass off to create it so Im gonna post it.” Stuck at 43 subscribers for idk how long. And some days I dont even get 43 views. Not even feedback. My feelings are hurt and I start to question everything. Like wtf am I even doing. Am i too old to even be taken seriously on here? I dont even want to be a huge youtuber with 10+ million followers. Not saying I cant be at some point but I dont want that. I just want to inspire a few you know. I want people to look forward to me posting. I want to know that I’m ultimately not wasting my time. Yes I want recognition for my videos but I want to have a nice balance. Known but still allowed to live MY life. Still maintain a great level of privacy while being a semi familiar face. I put so much fucking effort into these videos man. Especially lately. Probably nowhere near Shane Dawson lol but you get what I mean. My content is worth looking at too, at least I think so.

Future Goals

I guess it all boils down to me not being sure of anything. I vividly dream and imagine myself living in my aesthetically pleasing home, with my little dog and cat, not worrying about how the next bill will be paid, feeling relaxed and safe in knowing that my parents are happy, safe and content in there new home that my sister and I buy for them, being able to travel at the drop of a dime if i need or want to, and being truly happy with where my life is currently and further down the line. It just seems like something that will remain just a dream sometimes. Like what if God is looking at me like, “girl shut ya dumb ass up. what makes you think you deserve that much? who tf do you think you are? dream smaller dummy”.... But if I continue to think that way, that just shows my lack of faith huh..*sigh* I am mentally tired.But not willing to give up. I want to create my own reality. I can’t let my mind play tricks on me. I will receive all the blessings I deserve and be proud of this journey. I just have to know that and work. Keep working.

Alright I think I’m done venting now. I’m out.

[buddaheadcannonsonice]

Rika's back and MC gets left P. 4

Rika is back and MC gets sick at the same time she feels abandoned. Part 1 (x) | Part 2 (x) | Part 3 (x) | Part 4 (x) | Part 5 (x)

Rika felt a sense of satisfaction

She got off being the one everyone considered the most

sure, she lead MC to the RFA

sure she made a lot of trouble for MC and the rest of the members

But the one thing she did not want anyone to forget or even ever know really was

it also meant she could take her out of rfa with ease

And they wouldn't ever know it was her or care if all went to her plan

-- Yoosung --

From the last time MC invited Yoosung over, he remembered where she now lived

Why didn't I visit her sooner?

Yoosung made his way to her building, knocking repeatedly and waiting for a response

Where is she? It's almost midnight…

He almost gave up when she didnt answer either calls, text, or the door

Rika! Yoosung was surprised to see his cousin walk by

“Yoosung, what are you doing here so late?”

I came to see if MC is okay, shes been MIA for a while

“She’s fine! I talked to her not too long ago and she said that she was going to visit her family for a few weeks. I forgot to tell you guys about it too… sorry.”

It’s fine, don’t worry about it! Though, it would have been better if she told us herself…

“I dont know the details, but something about one of her family members being recently diagnosed with a terminal illness.. Yeah, it was terrible. She said they started to cough blood and she went to go help them through the process. Poor MC.”

You’re genuinely concerned for MC, you’re so nice Rika.

“Ofc, shes a memeber of the rfa too!”

Sorry, its just i know you dont know her that much, but im glad you guys get along well. Do you know when she’ll be back?

“I think after the funeral. Though it may be longer since i dont know how shell be okay after all of that. Next time we talk, ill ask her, okay? How about we go visit V? Im sure hes awake and wouldnt mind if you came over for a sleep over”

Yoosung felt like a huge boulder had been lifted from his shoulders now that he knew MC was physically okay

He felt bad that she didnt tell anyone that she was leaving to tend to a sick family member

But he felt that he would forgive her since she seemed more of a private person

I should get her a gift basket when she comes back; poor MC will be greiving when she returns- I could add chocolates and that coffee she likes with an uber soft blanket. Yeah, i wil do that for sure when RIka tells me when she comes back

Yoosung wanted to be a shoulder for MC when she came back since she was there for him when Rika was gone

he wanted to prove to her and himself and RIka that he was more than just a college student who played a lot of video games; that he was also a capable man

-- Zen --

Zen has entered the chatroom.

Zen: MC! Please call me when you get this!

Rika: Zen, I forgot to tell everyone that MC went back to her home country to take care of a sick family member. I didnt want to say anything right away but she told me just recently that it may be a while before she returns because of how bad things are …

Jahee has entered the chatroom.

Jahee: Oh no that’s terrible. Is her family member in that bad of condition for MC to leave without saying bye?

Rika: I am afraid so. From what I know, they are really ill that it is now deemed terminal.

Zen: Oh man, i really thought something happened to MC

Rika: What do you mean?

Zen: I dont know, I thought maybe she got bored of us and left us or something happened to her health wise. I hope she knows that we are all here for her when she comes back

Rika: Dont jinx anything! I’ll let her know though that you were worried whenever we talk again ^^

Jahee: Please do. Id feel much better though if I could talk to her soon. Do you think you can let her know to call me please?

Rika: I will pass the message along!

Zen: me too please, I really miss her :c

Rika: I will, you guys worry too much ^^ dont worry guys, everything will be perfectly fine ^^

Zen: alighty then, i gotta go and meet some directors to talk about my wonderful gorgeous face making its appearance on stage soon, bye~

Jahee: Oh my heart!

Rika: Good luck!

Zen has left the chatroom.

He didnt trust Rika

He didnt even trust Jahee at the moment

He knows he saw MC at the store that night

And it seems highly unlikely that she would just leave without explaining the situation

Especially if someone she cared about was really sick

Would she?

-- Jahee --

From what Mr. Han had been accumulating she knew what was going on somewhat

Though if the rest of rfa should know she didnt feel like she had a place to tell them

She did abandon MC just like the rest did

She wont deny that what the rfa did to MC was abandon her at a time she would have needed them 

despite all MC probably gave up to help them 

But she didnt want anyone to be in the unknown

Although, she didn't know if Rika was lying or telling the truth maybe rika did know mc was sick and didnt want to tell because MC said so

Jahee didnt want to risk anything by letting the cat out of the bag cringing

For now all she felt like she could do was gather as much as she could about people with pneumonia 

She would look into it since that was all Mr. Han told her

Maybe find some coffee as well for MC and maybe chocolates as she thinks about pleading for forgiveness 

-- Jumin --

He had no right to act like he should care for MC anymore

The moment they all left her, everyone in the rfa lost all the rights to care for MC

The only thing he could do was offer her the best treatment possible when he found out what she had it made him very uncomfortable to not know what she was suffering from

aside from the stabbing pains of being betrayed that he couldn't fix for her

but that was only if Seven could find a way into breaking MC out of there

But he knew the longer they waited the worse she would get

When he saw MC through the camera on Sevens screen, he knew he never wanted to know what it felt to lose someone again

After he though rika died, he felt like his world tipped over

But if he loses MC, he knows he wont ever have a reason to go on living with himself

He did find comfort knowing that MC never seemed to have had lost her personality and all that made her so easy to be around

By the looks of it, it was all thanks to Paco who never seemed to leave her side

Are you almost done?

“I want her out of there as soon as possible as well, okay?”

Jumin was taken back with how Seven snapped

“Dont let it get to you, he always gets like this”  the famous ‘Vanderwood’ who leaned on the side of the wall said

I dont want to know

He decided he didnt want to get into what Seven did on his own time also bc ‘Miss’ Vanderwood was slightly scaring him

“Just get the IP address so we can get there and go”

“I cant just do that! Well, I can but there seems to be more stuff this guy is feeding me atm and its all about MC”

“Look at it when you get her out of there! Poor girl must be seconds away from kicking the stupid bucket”

Excuse me?

“DOnt take it to heart, he gets angry when he has to wait before a job”

“Shut the fuck up, I still have my taser, you oaf”

What do you mean hes feeding you?

“I mean, this Unknown guy wants her found but for some odd reason he cant let her go… idk myself, but it looks like hes just doing his job”

“What makes you say that?”

“RIght here it says: Job. No. Yes.- Unknown”

Isnt that a good thing then? That means we can get MC out faster

JUmin didnt care for all the extra side stuff

He wanted to just get to the point and storm in there to save MC and take her to the doctors he had on standby

Just hurry up!

“I would want to bu- OH shit”

Jumins heart stopped for a millisecond thinking that MC died

When he didnt see anything abnormal on the screen that showed MC he was confused

But looking at what Seven saw

He understood

Is that Rika?

-- 707 --

Watching RIka give MC injections of unknown substances made him physically want to scream

Why would she do that?

What was she even giving MC?

Where is Unknown?

“Damn, white loaf can really go on strong” he ignored Vanderwoods snide comment focusing on V holding MC down so Rika could give her another injection

“Let’s go now Seven, no more playing around!”

Okay okay, let me just get this on my laptop so we can watch as we go

“If we take my helicopter we could be there quicker”

Yeah lets do that

Seven was in a daze

As he looked into the breadcrumbs Unknown was giving him

He began to wonder why Unknown even took MC away if he was going to help them in the end

Unless he too was forced into do this all

But why would Rika do this? What could she gain from this?

“Please dont”

Seven turned to look at Jumin who looked at him when they heard MC’s voice

“Ready or not here it comes~” Rika sang

“You both may want to look away” Seven heard Vanderwood say before turning away

Not once had he ever looked away from the screen while on the job

--

You begged her to stop

Whatever it was, it wasn't the same anymore

You began to remember names and faces but you couldn't match them together

Please stop this, it hurts!

“Sweetie, you're dying anyways, this is me being merciful and helping you go faster. Be thankful.”

What about that other stuff? What was that other stuff?

“It will all be over quickly if you just listen to her, please MC”

You turn to look at the stranger with the sunglasses: who’s MC?

Am I MC? Are they talking to me ?

You think you know them but you can't match any faces or names at all

“I'd ask if you have any last words you want me to give to someone but at this point, you probably don't know if you have any friends or family “

You shake your head trying to think

Somewhere someone has to know who you are

Why can't I talk?

You panic; thrashing your body away from the woman and man

“Stop it!” You hear it before you feel a stinging sensation on your cheek

“Like I said,you're already dying “ the woman says as she huffs for air

The look on her face scares you

It looks like she's enjoying whatever is happening

“You should never talk to strangers “ you feel the weight of something hard crash on you holding your face down on the now cold floor

“Don't ever go to places you don't know”

The pressure intensifies making your head build more pressure like it will explode

“Rika, that's too much” you hear the man from earlier

Help me please! you silently beg 

You wonder why he doesn't help you

“Stay out of this V”

You feel something stab your shoulder

Then you don't feel anything at all

-- Vanderwood --

Seven was annoying

Richie rich was annoying

They all were pissing him off

The rush to get to where this girl was chaotic

He was used to the silence that Seven would accompany him with

But not like this

This silence was deafening and suffocating

-- V --

He didnt want to harm MC

she was one of the good ones 

but he didnt want to make Rika any worse than she already was

He knew 707 or Jumin must have caught on by now 

with the help he got from Unknown, he knew they would make it but not soon enough

He made sure that whatever happened; it would all be on him 

Even if MC may never wake up again

even if Rika would spend a lot of time in the hospital 

even if Jumin and everyone in the RFA should come to hate him

even if he should become the villain; 

he would do whatever it takes to preserve Rika’s legacy and love and pride

He just needed for MC to hold onto life 

She was already sick 

and the medication he had replaced with the medication Rika wanted Unknown to give her seemed to have been working 

He made sure Unknown gave her the treatment she needed

But he didnt anticipate for Rika to inject her with a strong dose of whatever she had made for MC

By the looks of it 

it definitely was not the same that he had Unknown give her

-- Unknown -- 

Any minute now, it would all be over 

one way or another, MC would no longer suffer

He knew that by lying to Rika he was compromising his safety as well as Saeyoung’s

But he couldnt kill MC slowly

not with what RIka had made for her 

No. 

Instead, he made sure he gave her the medication she needed 

he made sure that Saeyoung would find the bread crumbs he left 

He expected Rika to pull something big for the finally so he made MC an antidote to what Rika had 

he didnt give it to her yet but he would have to leave it for Saeyoung to find if Paco didnt find a way of getting the vile out of his jacket before they got to MC

All he needed now was to find a way to make amends 

To MC and to everyone else 

but he would do that after he found a way to forgive himself and Saeyoung 

because if he didnt make him hate him; none of this would have happened 

and MC would have had treatment for this and have never been involved 

When would Saeyoung see how toxic both were to everyone else?

Especially to someone good and simplistic and perfectly normal like MC. 

Did Saeyoung even know?

Did his brother know how toxic both brothers were to everyone?

Like how toxic they were to one another.

[artbyabiola]

Last month I decided to take my very first solo trip and went to Cuba!!

If you google Cuba, the images that show up are paradise on earth like, go ahead google it, a series of enhanced images of the colorful buildings, colorful people and colorful cars is all you will see.

I have been infatuated with Cuba for a long time, partly because of their strong Nigerian cultural ties but mostly because for some odd reason, I was convinced that Cuba was THE place I would fit in, no questions asked. ( I was asked if I was Cuban quite a few times which made me very happy!)

Boy was I in for a big surprise! Before I start breaking down the many ways in which reality is not what I expected, let me start by saying that I absolutely LOVED my experience. 10 days, 4 cities, a lot of walked miles under my belt and I would do it all over again, but this time with a more realistic perspective. So here I present to you

10 things no one ever tells us about Cuba

1. It’s not love at first site

The moment I landed one thing was clear: 1st world problems were not going to be in sight for the rest of my stay. As I got of the plane and walked inside the airport – yup you read that right-  for a second I thought I had actually landed in Lagos, Nigeria instead (can you guess which on these is NOT Cuba?)

2. Buildings do not come with a filter

While getting lost in Havana, I couldn’t help but ask myself if people purposely ignored the non colorful part of the city because they made them uncomfortable. The city – the real city not the perfectly trimmed and curated touristic part of it – was gray and decrepit, certain corners smelled from people urinating, the risk of being hit by dirty water thrown out of a window was as high as the risk of stepping in dog poop and yet I found it absolutely beautiful.

3. People aren’t happy go lucky all the time

One thing I had my mind set on doing while in Cuba, was to take pictures of people. Beautiful faces caught off guard as they went about their happy colorful lives. Once there I noticed that those faces were closer to stressed and tired than happy.

Did you know the average salary is between $12-20 a month. I found that in Havana ( the country side had a lighter feel to it) a lot of time, once it was established that you are a tourist, people would smile and speak if they had ulterior motives. On my first day I met a young lady that “casually” took me around the neighborhood, by the end of the tour I some how ended up buying her drinks, dinner and more drinks for her friend, that just so happened to show up at the same place at the same time. When time came for me to leave, she asked for money and when I couldn’t help the smiles were done for the evening. I ran into her again on my last day, the smiles were still not there nor was a “hello”.

4. Shovinism to the tenth power

Prequel: I like to live an healthy life style and work out pretty consistently, prior to my trip I posted on facebook that my current fitness goal was for me to “only respond to mami” once in Cuba…yea, so that took a very different turn and not for the best.

Men in Havana can’t even bother to call you mami or any other noun for that matter, they go straight for the teeth sucking, whistle dog calling method. It was annoying and somewhat very degrading, but manageable, until the day that one particular “man” decided to take it to the next level by cat (dog?!) calling me, to then proceeding to masturbate while still attempting to call me and some how, in his twisted mind trying to get me to join him. Yea well, that obviously was not the outcome, I went to the first police officer I could find and described the perv, who saw me go to the police, and made a very quick U- turn the opposite direction. Needless to say that completely changed my mood for the day, the next man that fixed his mouth to whistle at me was the one that caught the wrath that had been building up until that point: “Do I look like a dog? No?! Then STOP calling me as if I were one” I screamed at him, and went about my business – that actually felt pretty darn good!

5. Amazing art world

I knew Cuba and specifically Havana was known for the architecture, but I had no idea of how fantastic the visual art world in that country was. Between the street art

the many local artists

and the artists on display at the Fabrica de Arte Cubano, I could not get enough.

6. The “innenet”

If you are like me or like majority of the modern population WIFI runs a big part of your daily routine. Well, not it Cuba it will not. I was aware, or rather I had been warned that wifi was not as readily available as what I am used to, what I did not know, is how it actually worked. If I think of an area with wifi, I think of something like Starbucks or any coffee shop really, where I show up with my devices and tah-daaaa I am online for free.

ok so THAT, is not how it works in Cuba – there are WIFI areas through out the city, and you would know because that’s where you will find . bunch of people sitting on the sidewalk or standing around staring at their phones or on their laptops – think Pokemon game phase. To be able to actually get online, everyone has to buy an internet card. They were 1 CUC for 1 hr (unless you did not know any better and bought them at an hotel and got charged 8CUC – yes I am the dummy ). To buy a card your information (name, DOB, country of origin if you are a foreigner, etc)  has to be written down, and your internet activity monitored by the government – let that synch in. What I actually realized in those 10 days was how much time I truly spend online on the daily basis and how much more time to just be and chase butterflies I was able to find without it.

7. Cubans ARE for Cubans

I have never been in a country where people were so strongly and genuinely for each other and their country. People lived life with their doors open to the outside, neighbors stopping by to simply talk through the window, children running around freely with not a worry in sight. Random people knowing the entire history of their country – granted I know they were trying to hustle me into a paying tour, and as far as I know they could have been making up all those facts, but they sounded pretty accurate nonetheless. Cubans have a different currency that tourists are not allowed to use, to ensure the cost of things are a lot lower and more affordable to them. There are Cuban only services but my favorite part is that there aren’t “white-cubans” “black-cubans” “asian- cuban” and so forth, but simply cubans all treated equally, all making the best of what they have.

8. Old Havana

Like most people that have visited Cuba I had to make my expected rounds in Old Havana and take the classic pictures…

  The city is beautiful, decadent and everything ever described online, but that as it turned out was such a small part of the whole story. the colorful buildings aren’t as vibrant as I thought ( damn you filters – insert fist shaking) and the rest of the city is far from the average google search result. It’s like tourist conveniently forgot to capture the reality around them….or they simply decided to focus on what didn’t make them uncomfortable.

9. The cars are old..like REALLY old

The same false advertisement I felt for the city scapes, goes for the cars. These old classics are beautiful and perfect for photo ops, I mean it is like jumping back to the ’70…once you get in and sit in one, you realize that the cars actually did come and stayed in the 70s. the inside of the cars are old and definitely went through a lot of lives and butts. I thought that was actually cool and an indication that somebody out there is a master car repair guy, because those cars were OLD!

10. There is so much more than Old Habana

In the 10 days I spent roaming Cuba I was able to visit Viñales, Trinidad and Cienfuegos. I honeslty ended up liking these country towns a lot more than La Habana.

I found people to be a lot more genuine and open. Prices were also a lot lower which never hurts, but mainly the views and the nature scapes I was able to explore were absolutely breath taking.

Viñales:

Viñales

Horse ride in Viñales

Viñales

Tobacco factory in Viñales

Trinidad:

Tobacco factory in Viñales

Cienfuegos:

If you go to Cuba, go with an open mind, explore get lost and meet Cubans, you can have a beach photoshoot ready vacation just as well in Miami – Veradero is the main beach resort (that i was told about) where everyone goes. After finding out that locals are not even allowed to enter the premises and the beach that is part of the resort, I decided to skip that destination all together, but what I found was so much better. Honestly i could write about this trip forever, but I wont don’t worry!

I cannot wait to go on my next solo trip!If you have any suggestion on destinations drop them in a comment!

Ciao for now,

Aby

In case you have not heard me speak about it enough....I went to Cuba I loved it, and now I wrote about it!:) Last month I decided to take my very first solo trip and went to Cuba!! If you…

[morningpages-louise]

september 08, 2018

Hello i am writing from cebu, yup, still here, hanging tight lol its 12:12 wew on september 8, a friday night. i'm home, ofcourse. candy, sweet adorable candy who has just gotten a haircut is sitting in front of me in the black lazy boy we've had for years. i'm enjoying listening to my tunes on my mom's bluetooth beats headphones. it's noise cancelling and the sound is quite impeccable but im quite scared someone will try to sneak up on me and read my thoughts and judge me so im currently trying to balance my laptop perched on my left thigh. I just finished watching a couple of youtube videos, but my mind was racing on other things, such as the stuff i have yet to do. lol im literally the worst.. i literally had 2 weeks to do nothing but these tasks and i have failed. i haven't even watched my darn underwear. so now im feeling the pressure of time and i have to choose between relaxing myself and enjoying my last few moments with my family and my work and professional life huhu its okay. imma try my best to balance it. i recently got work as a transcriber, easy peasy, but i can't even focus on that cause like my priorities man. first its with my fam, then my next priority is time to prepare for my OS in AIESEC. So the job is pretty much my 3rd priority. and then i also have to think about the NYC itinerary. uhm, im okay. im also a shit person for putting these all off. during the start of the break we always think we have more time than we actually have. im sad that i only got the groove of things now, when its too late. SADNESS. pero okay lang. im going to miss mornings where i wake up and can literally just spend hours scrolling through my phones cause like no responsibilities. and im going to miss going down and seeing muffin and candy but alas i might go. i always feel more productive when im in manila. like when im in cebu i feel like im being sucked in a hole of unproductivity cause i want to spend as much time with my family, but when im in manila its just like work work work. it could be the hustle and bustle of the city but its good, at doeses. we should always make sure to find time to deflect and just chill the fuck out. i think i will continue my guava pass next next week, after the wedding because for sure i wont have time to do it while the wedding is going on. i guess that's what makes the fact that im going to manila so soon not so bad, in terms of homesickness. nikki and my mother will be flying to manila next friday for the wedding so that's great. ugh i will also miss ofcourse watching terrace house with nikki and laughing at the characters, especially taishi and yusuke. i will miss spending time with my beautiful mother who i love so dearly. watching cat creature's video vlog of her stay in paris with her mother made me hope that one day i will be fortunate enough to earn a salary and raise enough money to bring my mom to places she's always dreamed of travelling to. ugh that would be beautiful. i cherish my mother even though at times i may not show it. i love her dearly. i love her so much. so yeah im feeling pressured af because nikki is also having the same job as me and she is already working, meanwhile im just trying to live. i also have to think of my mentrep idea. maybe i will just choose not to sleep tonight? lol okay with me as long as im productive lol this toxic schedule i did not really miss. i really need to piss. but yes. maybe i shall end this note with what im grateful for since its been a while since ive shared. honestly i love how relaxed my stay here is but im also excited to get in the groove of things. im excited for a fresh new start once again. this term, i will work hard and give it my all. i will grow. it's like the last leg of the year so let's make it a home run and make it a year to remember shall we? i have a good feeling about the next few months to be honest.. let's do this senior year. omg i just realized. how fast time flies. throwback to my frosh days huhu dani sent me a photo of my frosh self in lpep and im just shookened. by the people ive met, the opportunities ive gotten and where i am now. 3 years ago today, i was a totally confused froshie who didnt know where yuch or sj building was. i wanted to get out of the block system so badly because i didn't feel like i had a solid group at that time. everything was so new. i was dying in college algebra. i was hella homesick. and now im here, wishing i were in manila instead of here because manila has become home. looking back at it now, i feel like im still that same person but maybe its always like this you know. we always feel like we're the same person. it's not until we take a step back and look at ourselves that we see how much we've changed. it's insane. maybe i havent changed as drastically as my friends, aka kris and kathy lol but i know i have changed in some ways. im more responsible. i have a somewhat clearer vision of what id like to do in life. i know what's important to me. its crazy. i wish my present self could meet my frosh 17 year old self and show her just what college will be full of. she could guide her on what to do like study fucking algebra its not that hard, tell her who the people who will fill her life with rich memories are so she doesn't have to waste her time with the wrong people and tell her that it will be fine. everything will work out. it may seem like scary, untouched territory at the moment but goddamnit you will grow so much in the next 3 years. you will figure yourself out more. you will adult, as boring and unexciting as it sounds, it can actually be quite fun. ugh its insane talaga. i guess i am grateful for everything lol so damn vague and broad. i dont know. im grateful that i always have myself to come back to. no matter how tough life may be, im here. i've always been here. i will get through anything as long as i pass through. i am here. i am aware. i am aware of everything i have. all the opportunities i have. all the things that i will one day lose and because im aware, i will not take these things for granted. because i know. i am aware. i just have to goddamn remind myself this quote all the time. i often think too much. i think its a symptom of living talaga. we're all faced with the dilemma of thinking too much and thinking quite unnecessary thoughts at that damn these mosquitoes ruining my mojo but yes. we must learn to roll with life's punches and live goddamnit. revel in happiness and live. flow with life. constant reminders we must always remind ourselves. so yes. im grateful that i am here and i am aware of all that i currently have and will soon have. thankyou. thankyou thankyou. what i am not grateful for is mosquitoes goddamnit.

[selfpityandporn]

Rant- Okay, #1, fuck you. You started a fight and now like everything you’ve been a cunt about is fucking coming back and pissing me off. But lets just keep to I dunno, this week.

I literally had to fight both of you, "adults" just to take OUR cat to the vet, cause your fucking cheap and in goddamn denial, thats right GODDAMN, I can say that, because fuck you I can. I don't care if it uses gods name in vain, since when did you give a shit about god any way, considering the absolute shit storm you've given me for the last 4 years about going to church you didn't know anything about.

I fight just to get this cat to vet, long story short she's deathly sick. And I'm not complaining about taking care of her, I'm happy too, I will wipe her ass everyday long as she gets to be here, cause I love her and she's family. But the fact that I literally have to fight you just to get her fucking .70 food is GODDAMN ridiculous, god forbid her flea or ear mite medicine to keep her from scratching the blood out of herself. But I'm dollering you to death, and I'm a selfish peice of shit, excuse the fucking shit outta me.

Also, thanks for literally not helping me with her at FUCKING ALL. Like I said, I'm just happy she's alive, but honestly you wanna talk about how much you love her, and care about her, but you wont help me get the right food, and can't even take care of her. Our kitty was so sick she couldn't even move, so she had to be carried. I didn't want to take her to my room, because theres fucking shit and insulation everywhere from our shower breaking and dad still not cleaning up or fixing it, and I can't clean it up without getting bitched out. But god forbid we put her in your room, really? It's clean, your rooms not as hot, and you have a place to put her, but your terrified she's gonna pee or something, really? Your lucky she's fucking alive, I got pissed on taking her to the vet. Why, BECAUSE SHES SICK AND CANT HELP IT. I didn't get mad, I cleaned it up LIKE A FUCKING ADULT. You won't help me carry her when I'm trying to get her food, you don't want her in the living room. I could go on and on, you get the idea, I'm happy my cats alive, but fuck you for not helping me help her. SHE NEEDS US, your dropping the goddamn ball.

Lets get to today, the snapper of this, cause honestly this HAS SO MUCH SHIT, from you calling me a whore, accusing me of shit, not teaching me how to drive, cussing me out, not coming to my school stuff, thats might be a fucking tenth of all the shit that has been frustrating me. BECAUSE YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE AN ADULT, AND A PARENT, YOUR SUPPOSED TO HELP ME BUT INSTEAD YOU HAVE YOUR HEAD STUCK UP YOUR ASS.

We had our little family trip today, it was going so well. Till we were almost home, everyones in the car. Like usual you and dad are smoking like fucking trains and I can't fucking breathe, god forbid I roll down my window to satisfy MY HUMAN FUCKING NEED FOR OXYGEN. That wasn't the biggest issue, no the biggest issue is when you decided to fun your fucking mouth cussing me. Make such a huge fucking deal out of literally nothing. And when I say big deal, I mean on and on and on for 30 goddamn minutes. And any time it got quiet, YOU KEPT FUCKING YAPPING. I literally put my ear buds in, and ignored you. I didn't keep arguing, till you were LITERALLY SCREAMING SO LOUD I COULD HEAR YOU OVER MY ROARING TRAP MUSIC. Then I retaliate, you tell me to just shut the fuck up, the conversations over. FUCK YOU, I STOPPED TALKING 30 GODDAMN MINUTES AGO, YOUR THE DUMB FUCK THAT KEEPS GODDAMN TALKING.

And then, you pissed me off. Lets jump to last week. I got my first credit card, why? Because my laptop broke, I needed another for my online classes, we as a family were too broke to buy it. I understand that, I took it into my own hands. Then, you tried to start a fight, cause I didn't wanna go an extra 200+ into debt getting my little brother, WHO IS LITERALLY 8 a fucking laptop. You started a fight, because I refused to buy and 8 year old, a laptop, on my credit. Which oh by the way I know you would have never payed me back for, because your you and I've learned this lesson literally a dozen times, but your my mom so I keep letting you borrow my christmas money (I might get like, $60 each year, which is all I get from my family members, she "borrows" Then, will get her taxes, blow them and not pay me back, and guilt trip me about literally buying me stuff for my birthday at tax time, anyways) You tried to start a fight over that, then literally tried to put words in my mouth, saying I said I'd get him one. No, I didn't. I said I wish I could, I want him to learn how to type, but my line of credit is only $500, my laptop it's self was $250, the rest I was trying to save for emergencies, cause I knew we were fucking broke.

Now, I'm not on a rabbit trail, this ties in I promise. The day I got my laptop, we had went in Walmart to look, you said you were gonna get a handful of groceries while I looked, alright. I didn't get a laptop there, we go to leave. You ask me to pay for the groceries. I told you I didn't want to on credit, but how much is it? "Oh only like $20, I only got a few." Checked out, it was like $40. I got it anyways, and just asked that when you had the money, (She's literally getting a 1000+ check for her 401k in like, a week) if you could give me some for the upcoming comic con. (Comic con is a big deal for me, I cosplay, I go with my best friend and her family, I literally look forward to it all year. Most of the time I go, I'm usually broke, except for the last few cause I had a job until about a month before all this, whole other rant, anyways) So I was like cool, it sucks I'm another 40$ in the hole, but she knows how much con means to me, she'll give me it back. Then, I get my laptop. Back to the 8yr old brother thing, he literally has broken like 5+ tablets, my tv, and 3 phones alright. He gets mad, will throw them, scream curse words at them. It's ridiculous, literally didn't want to throw away $200+ I DIDNT HAVE on a brat who was gonna destroy it, along with my parents not knowing how to use it, neither does he so they expect me to fix LITERALLY everything, which is so annoying, cause then, he breaks it, its somehow on me. Anyways.

I was nice enough to lay away the laptop for you, another $30 I didn't have, but it got you off my fucking back. You also said you'd give me that back for con. I just wanna put in here, that when I got my job and actually had hours, I took my family out to dinner every paycheck, bought them stuff. Genuinely tried to not be selfish, Literally I think the only big thing I bought myself was my cosplay that I had wanted for like, years. But then my hours got cut, I was working literally 5 hours a week. I might have made $30-$40 for the majority of my employment, an with that I iterally saved up to take my friend out for her birthday and buy myself bedsheets, and still tried to take us out to eat, cause we got to do it as a family. But during this she was literally acting like, I had to pay for anything and everything. I needed to go to town for school, "You got gas money?" I asked for a few dollers so I could eat at work/before works, "Can't you buy it yourself?" Like, I would have HAPPILY if I had it, but I didn't, and your literally my mom, can you not drive me to school? Help me buy lunch, like WTfff?

And, today. Oh today, after you cussed and cussed and fucking cussed, I put my earbuds in and leave it alone, I DIDN"T SAY ANYTHING BACK, even though I know your still talking trash. I pause my musics just so I can hear you.

"Just wait till the next time you need something from me! Just fucking wait, and you can forget about your goddamn comic con money, go get a fucking job!."....................................................

I'm sorry, excuse me? Did I just fucking hear that correctly? See, I'm not a bad person, I don't believe so. But I fucking mentally snapped. I literally spent hours the other week helping her find another job, putting in her application. I can't get a job, because in the past fucking year and half she hasn't taken, and no exageration, more than 20 minutes to try to teach me how to drive, and not not only are you refusing to give me to the money you deadass owe me. But I. I need to get. A . God. Damn. Job.???????

At first, I handled it like a child, a child who loves their mother. "I don't care, I'll have fun without a fucking dime to my name." Then, my ass adulted, silently, excuse me. Excuse me, I don't think I heard that correctly, you not only are tryna sit there and cuss me, TELL ME TO GET A JOB, and, oh and, try to refuse the money you took from me?

I really, ya know, I really don't think thats gonna work. Cause see here, asshat, I have all your credit card info, all your social shit cause you don't know how to do a fucking job application, and, oh and, a cold GODDAMN shoulder. So heres how this is gonna work darlin, the day of con will come, and you will either give me my money (I didn't even ask for the full $70 btw, I said maybe like $40.) But you will either now give me all $70, or I will slip your card from your wallet, while your in your smokin drunken stooper, and frankly, cruelly, hold it fucking hostage till you #1Give me my fucking money, and #2 Fucking apologize, and admit you tried to do me so goddamn shitty. And if I don't think that apology is good enough, I'll take my money on my own and you will have disappointed me. I gave so many chances for redemption, and I still am.

But honestly this is prolly my fucking snapping point cause you have insulted me and frustrated me enough. I am 18, I am trying to adult, with no help from you, if anything more fight. Between finishing my senior year by my fucking self, to the stupid job shit, to omg, all the college shit she was supposed to help me with that I had to do on my own, to our poor cat which I'm trying to nurse off the fucking death bed single handedly, to literally not being able to get a job because of you, to you now more than likely ruining my credit, cussing me out, and just being an absolute pain in my goddamn ass along with every fucking thing else I am having to do on my own.

So, excuse me, fuck you. Get the fuck out of my way. You will NOT stand between me and the things I have earned and strive to get. In fact, no one will. You wanna be fucking petty, and fucking rude? Don't get made at me for winning a game you goddamn started :) K, thanks.

[anbeee-blog]

oh sangwoo: ignorant bliss - chapter four

i do not own the manhwa nor do i own any of the killing stalking characters except my own. i do not own the plot of the manhwa except this fanfic plot. killing stalking belongs to koogi. thank you for giving us this beautiful work of art!!

I got home that night blaming myself silly over how terrible our meeting turned out to be. After I washed down my makeup and changed into my home clothes, I turned on my laptop and laid on my bed. My apartment hummed after I'd turned on the heater, enveloping me in comfortable warmth.

Unexpectedly, my phone buzzed on my blanket and I picked it up, wary and knowing full well who it was. I turned it on and went to my messages, one sent by none other than Sangwoo himself.

[unknown]

hey

is this eunbi?

I bit my lip and my thumbs hovered over the screen, hesitating to type a reply. But he's already seen that I opened his messages. I cross my legs on my bed and text him back. Then I open my music playlist on Spotify and let it play in my room.

yeah

sangwoo rite?

mhm

are u home safe now

no one came up to u or anything

right

no nothing like that

thanks for worrying

im ok

sorry for making you worry haha

As I waited for him to reply, I hummed to the song playing on my laptop as I clicked on Tumblr in my bookmarks. I waited for the site to load and looked back at my phone, trying to ease my rapid heartbeat. What was wrong with me?

im just glad ur ok

I clutched my shirt collar and suddenly my chest hurt. He was never one to worry. We always left each other to our own devices and knew that we were capable of ourselves. This wasn't like Sangwoo, but could I really know him after only talking to him for a few hours?

thanks

so

can we forget about earlier?

haha no wait

i'm genuinely curious

when did it start

when did what start?

I knew damn well what he was referring to and playing dumb wouldn't delay his response any time later.

your crush on me

it's bothering me rn

i wanna know when u started liking me lol

it's kinda funny

That was all he had to say? That me liking him back then was funny? I suddenly didn't want to talk to him anymore and wanted to leave him on read. But something impulsively made me tap a fast reply back, an underlying aggression inside the message.

oh hahaha

started when u got drafted

not surprised u left so soon after we graduated lol

but u can't help it w/ girls or anyone in particular rlly

can u?

Oh my God. Had I really done that? And Sangwoo hadn't even begun typing own message. Anxiety flooded my brain and I fought to keep myself calm. My legs tangled themselves up under the blanket and my hands attempted to steady themselves while still holding the phone.

"What is wrong with me?" I asked nobody in particular.

( . . . )

He's typing.

( . . . )

The more minutes that passed by, the more my anxiety increased and I tried to contain myself. Calm down, Eunbi. It's just a text. No big deal.

ping!

u always know how to make me laugh babe

"Babe?" I whispered. As if that wasn't enough--

let's go out tmr at 3.

u down?

uh

it's not gonna be awk as it was tonite

right

LOL

not if u make it awkward yourself haha

i also got smt else to ask

yeah? what is it

what u heard abt what happened before i left for the military

what exactly did u hear

ill explain

to make it up for earlier

He's actually going to do it, I thought. He was going to open up, as odd enough as it sounded.

i heard that ur parents got murdered

if it's tru

im so sorry

so sorry that i wasn't there for u

and that i didn't know what was going on to comfort u

im saying this in case it's tru

( . . . )

( . . . )

( . . . )

thanks eunbi

it's tru

they got murdered

i didn't take it well

the military was a way for me to cope i guess

i wish i told u about it

instead of being so closed up back then

ik im closed up now but

i'll try to open up to u now that we can talk

He's not apologizing, I noticed. But I was expecting too much of him much too soon, probably. I rubbed my temples and reached for my laptop to play another one of my music playlists. The instrumental piano always managed to soothe me, especially one of Yiruma's works. I shifted my pillows behind me and grabbed one of my Pusheen cat pillows close to me as I typed up a reply.

u don't know how much this means to me

im sorry for always trying to force u to tell me abt ur business

i was always frustrated haha

just tell me when ur ready

i wont force you anymore

😊💖💖

Breathe, Eunbi, breathe.

so where do u wanna meet tmr?

u remember that old cafe we always went to after school ?

i wanna go there

and i wanna talk more

ill tell u everything that happened while i was gone

and i wanna know more about you

ok

and if it's alright

since it's during the day

can i come over to ur house after? read

lol

so if it weren't night then u would've come

right

haha im not gonna fuck you eunbi

I felt myself blush and screamed into my Pusheen cat pillow.

wtf no i wasn't thinking that

even if it were night i still would've come

it was just late tonite

u pervert

see u tmr at 3?

mhm

u goin to sleep?

yeah haha i have a class in the morning

shit im goin back to college lol

rlly?? which one

im at the local one that's close by.

sungsoo university

basically the only one in this area LOL

damn

im goin there soon

fuckk haha

well night eunbi

night

After I turned off my phone and my laptop, I lied back in bed hugging my Pusheen cat pillow. All I knew for a fact that this wasn't the Sangwoo that I knew back then and that he definitely, definitely changed a lot. His tone was flirtatious, practically oozing through the text. And I didn't like it. But it didn't hurt to do that, would it?

I wasn't conversing with the person that I had so closely confided with and spent almost my entire high school career with. We were grown adults now and it would be natural for men to unconsciously flirt every once in a while. Right?

The night continued to prosper outside my window and I listened to the crickets hum and some toads that croaked every now and then. He'd changed and I would have to accept it. We weren't adolescents anymore. We were thrown in a world that treated us harshly and nothing better than the dirt that we walked on. Maybe the military shaped him into that sort of thinking along with his behavior. Maybe I wasn't Sangwoo's only friend and I was just glooming over him like some obsessive freak.

It was getting late and I was acting like my high school self again, fussing over something so miniscule. Sangwoo no longer wore his glasses, enhancing his handsome appearance. Maybe his looks had thrown me off and my hormones spun out of control as a result.

I'm going crazy, I concluded. And reached over to my nightstand and turned the lamp off.

continuing in... | chapter five | (chapter will be linked as soon as i update!)

[artbyabiola]

Last month I decided to take my very first solo trip and went to Cuba!!

If you google Cuba, the images that show up are paradise on earth like, go ahead google it, a series of enhanced images of the colorful buildings, colorful people and colorful cars is all you will see.

I have been infatuated with Cuba for a long time, partly because of their strong Nigerian cultural ties but mostly because for some odd reason, I was convinced that Cuba was THE place I would fit in, no questions asked. ( I was asked if I was Cuban quite a few times which made me very happy!)

Boy was I in for a big surprise! Before I start breaking down the many ways in which reality is not what I expected, let me start by saying that I absolutely LOVED my experience. 10 days, 4 cities, a lot of walked miles under my belt and I would do it all over again, but this time with a more realistic perspective. So here I present to you

10 things no one ever tells us about Cuba

1. It’s not love at first site

The moment I landed one thing was clear: 1st world problems were not going to be in sight for the rest of my stay. As I got of the plane and walked inside the airport – yup you read that right-  for a second I thought I had actually landed in Lagos, Nigeria instead (can you guess which on these is NOT Cuba?)

2. Buildings do not come with a filter

While getting lost in Havana, I couldn’t help but ask myself if people purposely ignored the non colorful part of the city because they made them uncomfortable. The city – the real city not the perfectly trimmed and curated touristic part of it – was gray and decrepit, certain corners smelled from people urinating, the risk of being hit by dirty water thrown out of a window was as high as the risk of stepping in dog poop and yet I found it absolutely beautiful.

3. People aren’t happy go lucky all the time

One thing I had my mind set on doing while in Cuba, was to take pictures of people. Beautiful faces caught off guard as they went about their happy colorful lives. Once there I noticed that those faces were closer to stressed and tired than happy.

Did you know the average salary is between $12-20 a month. I found that in Havana ( the country side had a lighter feel to it) a lot of time, once it was established that you are a tourist, people would smile and speak if they had ulterior motives. On my first day I met a young lady that “casually” took me around the neighborhood, by the end of the tour I some how ended up buying her drinks, dinner and more drinks for her friend, that just so happened to show up at the same place at the same time. When time came for me to leave, she asked for money and when I couldn’t help the smiles were done for the evening. I ran into her again on my last day, the smiles were still not there nor was a “hello”.

4. Shovinism to the tenth power

Prequel: I like to live an healthy life style and work out pretty consistently, prior to my trip I posted on facebook that my current fitness goal was for me to “only respond to mami” once in Cuba…yea, so that took a very different turn and not for the best.

Men in Havana can’t even bother to call you mami or any other noun for that matter, they go straight for the teeth sucking, whistle dog calling method. It was annoying and somewhat very degrading, but manageable, until the day that one particular “man” decided to take it to the next level by cat (dog?!) calling me, to then proceeding to masturbate while still attempting to call me and some how, in his twisted mind trying to get me to join him. Yea well, that obviously was not the outcome, I went to the first police officer I could find and described the perv, who saw me go to the police, and made a very quick U- turn the opposite direction. Needless to say that completely changed my mood for the day, the next man that fixed his mouth to whistle at me was the one that caught the wrath that had been building up until that point: “Do I look like a dog? No?! Then STOP calling me as if I were one” I screamed at him, and went about my business – that actually felt pretty darn good!

5. Amazing art world

I knew Cuba and specifically Havana was known for the architecture, but I had no idea of how fantastic the visual art world in that country was. Between the street art

the many local artists

and the artists on display at the Fabrica de Arte Cubano, I could not get enough.

6. The “innenet”

If you are like me or like majority of the modern population WIFI runs a big part of your daily routine. Well, not it Cuba it will not. I was aware, or rather I had been warned that wifi was not as readily available as what I am used to, what I did not know, is how it actually worked. If I think of an area with wifi, I think of something like Starbucks or any coffee shop really, where I show up with my devices and tah-daaaa I am online for free.

ok so THAT, is not how it works in Cuba – there are WIFI areas through out the city, and you would know because that’s where you will find . bunch of people sitting on the sidewalk or standing around staring at their phones or on their laptops – think Pokemon game phase. To be able to actually get online, everyone has to buy an internet card. They were 1 CUC for 1 hr (unless you did not know any better and bought them at an hotel and got charged 8CUC – yes I am the dummy ). To buy a card your information (name, DOB, country of origin if you are a foreigner, etc)  has to be written down, and your internet activity monitored by the government – let that synch in. What I actually realized in those 10 days was how much time I truly spend online on the daily basis and how much more time to just be and chase butterflies I was able to find without it.

7. Cubans ARE for Cubans

I have never been in a country where people were so strongly and genuinely for each other and their country. People lived life with their doors open to the outside, neighbors stopping by to simply talk through the window, children running around freely with not a worry in sight. Random people knowing the entire history of their country – granted I know they were trying to hustle me into a paying tour, and as far as I know they could have been making up all those facts, but they sounded pretty accurate nonetheless. Cubans have a different currency that tourists are not allowed to use, to ensure the cost of things are a lot lower and more affordable to them. There are Cuban only services but my favorite part is that there aren’t “white-cubans” “black-cubans” “asian- cuban” and so forth, but simply cubans all treated equally, all making the best of what they have.

8. Old Havana

Like most people that have visited Cuba I had to make my expected rounds in Old Havana and take the classic pictures…

  The city is beautiful, decadent and everything ever described online, but that as it turned out was such a small part of the whole story. the colorful buildings aren’t as vibrant as I thought ( damn you filters – insert fist shaking) and the rest of the city is far from the average google search result. It’s like tourist conveniently forgot to capture the reality around them….or they simply decided to focus on what didn’t make them uncomfortable.

9. The cars are old..like REALLY old

The same false advertisement I felt for the city scapes, goes for the cars. These old classics are beautiful and perfect for photo ops, I mean it is like jumping back to the ’70…once you get in and sit in one, you realize that the cars actually did come and stayed in the 70s. the inside of the cars are old and definitely went through a lot of lives and butts. I thought that was actually cool and an indication that somebody out there is a master car repair guy, because those cars were OLD!

10. There is so much more than Old Habana

In the 10 days I spent roaming Cuba I was able to visit Viñales, Trinidad and Cienfuegos. I honeslty ended up liking these country towns a lot more than La Habana.

I found people to be a lot more genuine and open. Prices were also a lot lower which never hurts, but mainly the views and the nature scapes I was able to explore were absolutely breath taking.

Viñales:

Viñales

Horse ride in Viñales

Viñales

Tobacco factory in Viñales

Trinidad:

Tobacco factory in Viñales

Cienfuegos:

If you go to Cuba, go with an open mind, explore get lost and meet Cubans, you can have a beach photoshoot ready vacation just as well in Miami – Veradero is the main beach resort (that i was told about) where everyone goes. After finding out that locals are not even allowed to enter the premises and the beach that is part of the resort, I decided to skip that destination all together, but what I found was so much better. Honestly i could write about this trip forever, but I wont don’t worry!

I cannot wait to go on my next solo trip!If you have any suggestion on destinations drop them in a comment!

Ciao for now,

Aby

10 things they don’t tell you about Cuba (they’re not all bad!) Last month I decided to take my very first solo trip and went to Cuba!! If you…