#and all these videos like 'im trying to see my attraction as more sapphic'

[cruelsister-moved2]

man one thing idk how to feel about is the trans men you periodically see weighing in on 'lesbians who fuck men' discourse, usually pretty young people who dont have much experience, desperately insisting that lesbians can be attracted to men because their lesbian girlfriend says so. look I'm not trying to be mean but you need to realise she doesn't see you as a man. she sees you as a woman, or basically a woman, and that's why she likes you. if she was attracted to you as a man she would have to reconsider her feelings about men. if it's just you, that's because she doesn't see you as one.

[redheadbigshoes]

i saw a tiktok and it said basically that it wasn’t very bi to think that you will be missing out on women if u date men, do u agree? obviously ik youre not bi, but idk where else to go and i really like your blog so i thought i’d ask! i’ve been back and forth on being bi vs lesbian, i like men and women, women definitely more, but i do agree with the statement from the tiktok, i always had this feeling that if i were to date a guy i was scared to end up with him, because then i would never get to date women. overall it’s all very confusing - dating and relationships for me and i haven’t quite worked that out, i don’t really see a spouse for myself in the future, but if i were to have one i would definitely prefer a woman.

also do u have any tips on getting more comfortable with being queer, i feel like it never bothered me as much as it does recently, there’s a cute guy at my school but i don’t want anything else it’s just like i think he’s hot, but i find myself trying to like him more if that makes any sense? there’s also a cute girl who caught my eye, the point is i feel like im trying to like men so hard, i haven’t had a crush on a girl in a while mainly because i liked this other dude for a year, but now when i don’t like him anymore and i’ve been thinking about being queer more i feel like im trying to like men more recently, i also kinda feel like internally i may be struggling with homophobia. i don’t really know what to do, i watched and still do watch many queer shows, try to listen to queer artists and be around as much queerness as i can on social media, but it doesn’t really seem to help with the fact that i seem to want to distract myself from getting to a point where i am into a girl. it kinda feels isolating to think about.

sorry if this is messy, but it’s late as i write this and my mind has been messy as well. thanks for the help!

I feel like this isn’t necessarily a sign that you’re not attracted to men, but it definitely can be! This was my exact thought when thinking about dating men vs thinking about dating women. But there’s bisexuals with heavy gender preferences and some of them can have this similar mindset simply because they don’t want to date men (but they’re still attracted to them).

There’s a few things that could help feeling more comfortable about being queer, like making queer friends and interacting more with queer people (online or not). Something that can be very helpful is interacting more with wlw content specifically, like videos or through social media with sapphics who post specifically about their identity and relationships, but also watching movies/shows or reading sapphics books can help too.

Maybe since you’re slowly realizing you’re queer, you’re unconsciously trying to force yourself to like men (regardless if you’re actually attracted to them or not) in a way to avoid thinking about your attraction to women.

The things that personally helped me a lot about accepting my identity were reading reader insert fanfics pairing fem!reader with a female character and also talking with my queer friends. Having queer people around you is always very important, but especially when you’re still trying to accept who you are.

[starsbythepocketful12]

headcanons cause i’m in flarrie hours

they are THE couple when it comes to halloween costumes

all their outfits for big events (parties, gigs where dirty candy and/or jatp perform) are coordinated

carrie my femme queen & flynn my nonbinary lesbian darling

go to protests & marches together

flynn lends carrie books by her favorite Black female authors & carrie lends her books by her favorite sapphic poets

they make playlists about each other but the other doesn’t know they do it (julie & kayla are the only ones permitted to know of the existence of these playlists & have been sworn to secrecy, though julie has a strong suspicion carrie also makes playlists about flynn and vice versa)

have a joint pinterest account for their wedding moodboard

carrie adopted a tiger cub and named it flynn for their three month anniversary

they go to the mall together every other weekend and shop, which they both love to do and when they get home they always model the new outfits they bought

flynn squeals every time they see a dog in public and always runs over and asks if they can pet it and carrie always watches her with such a fond look that the owner almost always makes a comment on what a lovely couple they are or asks how long they’ve been together (something that has actually been happening since even before they were dating, and back then you can imagine the flustered ness it caused)

flynn often comes to watch dirty candy rehearsals, cheer them on, make sure they’re staying hydrated/taking snack breaks and that carrie’s not overworking herself

carrie is the first person that flynn tells she wants to DJ professionally and carrie gets her her first gig

eventually flynn gets into producing as well and ends up making a track for carrie, who writes lyrics to it and it becomes dirty candy’s most successful song to date

carrie says i love you first one saturday afternoon while they’re watching a movie on flynn’s computer in her room. flynn laughs at a joke and carrie looks over at her, her beautiful, incredible girlfriend, and simply can’t resist the urge to say it

flynn’s shocked into silence so carrie panics and leaves and doesn’t answer flynn’s messages

that night flynn shows up at the wilson mansion and throws rocks at carrie’s window until she comes out

flynn is upset with carrie for running out and ghosting her and carrie’s trying to defend herself so they argue but then flynn interrupts carrie by kissing her and breathlessly saying, “i love you.” carrie kisses her and not another word on it is said

carrie steals flynn’s hats

they’re not really PDA-y, they just happen to engage in a lot of unconscious, casual affection, like flynn often absentmindedly intertwines their pinkies and carrie doesn’t realize her arm is around flynn’s shoulders until she’s doing it

even after months of dating will still flirt like they’re in their enemies who are secretly very attracted to e/o era

flynn really loves art, particularly murals, so she drags carrie to a lot of gallery openings and museums

at one point when flynn’s going through a hard time carrie enlists all their friends for help making a giant mural full of drawings of things that make her happy

flynn happy cries when she sees it and is pretty much always seen hugging carrie for the rest of that night

only really cuddle when one (or both) of them is sleepy, though flynn does often sit on carrie’s lap

before starting to date, carrie would tease flynn for having stuffed animals during their sleepovers at flynn’s until they started dating and flynn started spending more time at carrie’s and flynn discovers that her girlfriend’s a little hypocrite

flynn has a younger sister and brother (sister is six, brother is four) and they absolutely ADORE carrie and think she’s the coolest and carrie thinks they’re the cutest

flynn’s like no they’re little demons and carrie’s says who says demons can’t be cute? you once called me a demon right, and im cute, aren’t i? and flynn rolls her eyes and fights back a smile

flynn also has a college aged older sister who she looks up to a lot, like that’s her hero and absolute role model, so naturally carrie’s terrified to meet her, and though she tries to appear intimidating at first, she can’t keep up the act for long and starts being friendly with carrie pretty much right away

one day they’re supposed to go on a date but carrie’s sick and forgot to text flynn telling her not to come so flynn shows up at her house but stays anyway to look after her

flynn reads to her and makes her soup

trevor & flynn play video games while carrie naps

flynn makes jewelry in her free time and consults carrie for her thoughts on every piece (in junior year she starts selling them at school & turns out to be quite the entrepreneur)

they have an inside joke about cosmo and wanda

a couple of the dirty candy members sometimes jokingly flirt with flynn and are like “watch out! we’re gonna steal your girl!” and carrie gets possessive and apologizes for it pretty quickly but flynn thinks it’s hot so it works out pretty well

will watch bad rom coms to make fun of straight people and throw popcorn at the screen when they get together

pet/nick names: care, baby, babe, love, (from carrie to flynn who shuts down upon hearing it) honey, (flynn to carrie, who becomes very giddy the first time flynn says it in a text message) sweetheart

if you couldn’t tell before they ofc have an enemies to friends to lovers arc

move in together after graduating, neither planning on going to college (julie goes to berkeley and nick some other place in california where they have lacrosse cause that’s the sport he plays right) and their parents think it’ll be a disaster but it actually goes really well

the first couple of weeks they fight more, all petty arguments mostly out of the stress of moving, but they always talk it out

it doesn’t take long for them to be happy they’re living together and feel really glad they took that step

two years after graduating flynn gives her a promise ring

carrie cries her eyes out and replies “of fucking course, you dumb fuck” when flynn asks if she’ll take it

ten years later carrie’s a successful pop star/choreographer & flynn’s a record breaking producer/DJ and they’re about to buy a house when they realize they never got married

it’s just a moment where they’re relaxing together on the couch and suddenly are like. oh

and proceed to burst out laughing

it’s a small ceremony, thrown together in just three weeks

carrie wears a short, light pink dress with a heart cutout in the back that would probably be more suited for a high school sophomore’s spring fling but no one cares

flynn wears a suit, and is walked down the aisle by her older sister

they both tear up upon seeing each other and sob through the vows (the traditional pre written ones, they wrote vows for each other but they recite them to the other when they’re alone, so it’s something special only they can share)

julie & kayla are the maids of honor, nick and alex are the best men

julie & luke’s five year old hernando is the ring bearer & alex and willie’s three year old umi is the flower child

trevor, flynn’s older sister and parents cry

even flynn’s now teenage younger siblings, who as of late have often been stereotypically cynical and moody shed tears

jatp perform at the reception (they have also become a hit band at this point)

when they get back from the honeymoon the first thing they do is get a dog

they adopt a golden doodle rescue named stella

a couple years later they start talking about kids and look into getting a sperm donor

because they love being competitive they do little games to decide who will be the one to carry the baby

it’s all jokes though, they decided at the start of the process that it would be flynn for the first kid and carrie for the second

but then SURPRISE flynn has twins

a boy and a girl named tyler and ollie (who’s who i won’t tell you cause fuck gender)

they don’t even talk about carrie getting pregnant now cause they’re busy with the babies and trying to manage their careers but one night, when the kids are eight, and flynn has just flopped onto the couch with a dramatic sigh after putting them to bed, carrie puts down her kindle and quietly says that she wants another kid.

they talk for hours because while flynn wants another kid too, when you’re both celebrities with demanding jobs and people constantly trying to peer into your life, that decision involves even more factors

they decide to have another kid and carrie chooses to take a step back from her career for now-she’ll return to it eventually but for now she wants to be able to just be a parent without worrying about work and not have to deal with the guilt that comes with working when she feels like she should be being a parent

though the kids have always been their main priority and they have done quite well dividing their time between work and being with them, and have done decently shielding them from the public eye (majority of the pictures of ollie & tyler that the public has are blurry candids, and the few high quality ones are from when they were three and they no longer look like that anyway so it’s all good)

it’s a harder process for carrie to get pregnant as she’s almost 40 and flynn was 31 when she had tyler and ollie

but it happens though they’re careful about choosing the sperm donor-even briefly consider asking reggie or nick-because with this kind of thing there’s always the risk that other parent could track down where their kid ended up and want to be a part of that kid’s life later on which is uber complicated for many reasons so they get those scary possibilities out of the way by just finding someone who they know wants to be in the child’s life

preston choi, a thai & korean american mathematics professor ends up being their guy

he’s immensely genuine, sweet, respectful, polite, and gentlemanly

when he came out at fifteen his parents kicked him out of the house

it was a long and difficult journey but they’re in a decent place now

but it’s not the family he wants to have and he’s tried but has yet to find a partner

but doesn’t want to wait to have kids so here he is, more than happy to co parent with flynn and carrie

so that’s what they do! tyler and ollie become big siblings to miles wilson-choi on december 10th, 2044

miles grows up in the most multicultural home ever, being fluent in 4 languages (English, AAVE, Spanish thanks to their tia julie, Korean, and Thai) all their life

tyler & ollie welcome preston and miles into the family with open arms, as well as the addition of korean and thai cuisine to the already amazing dinner tables they had of soul and caribbean food

when miles is seven carrie goes back to work full time, with preston’s assurance that he’s got this when her and flynn are busy and tyler and ollie (who are now fifteen) promising they’ll help out as well

at that point the long awaited julie and the phantoms/carrie and flynn wilson collaboration FINALLY happens

flynn wins her 28th grammy for it, leaving her tied with beyoncé for most grammys won by any woman ever (its julie’s 14th, luke’s 6th, and carrie’s 12th, and the band’s collective 10th cause alex never did any solo projects and reggie released one country album but it didn’t win any grammys rip though it was nominated for 2 CMAs)

[armillary-spheres-lover]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

[earcontact]

Zey, prime numbers because im currently our and cant remember specific numbers well

This is already exceedingly long and I have answered exactly one question. This is going under a read more.

Also, you are now in possession of my eternal love.

1. What does their bedroom look like?

Well, her bedroom is shared with Rekmid and it is a Complete Mess. Clothes thrown everywhere, little trinkets stashed on every flat surface but the bed, a sunning area for Rokgor shoved in one corner. Zey flies everywhere and Rekmid has tough feet, so neither of them really bother to keep things off the floor. To note, it isn’t actually messy in the traditional sense? There is no remnants of like weeks old food or laundry that has needed done for years now or anything, it’s simply a bunch of things they love and value thrown everywhere. Zey loves collecting cool looking things and had to start over upon boarding the ship, so most of their early dates was, well, going on hunts throughout Plantasia and the ship for Cool Things.

Zey has a little birdhouse Rekmid made that hangs from one of the headboard posts of the bed, but doesn’t sleep there. It’s more for her clothes and her smaller, more prized possessions. They’ve always joked that Rekmid can just unhook it, grab Rokgor, and run if the cottage ever caught on fire and that way they would have a solid 90% of the things they hold most dear to them.

There’s also tiny potted plants littered across every surface. Every now and again one of their lopsided dressers gets cleared off and a cage set down so that Rekmid can give more personal, consistent care to a sick or injured animal. Those dressers are so incredibly beaten up.

Overall: a Mess.

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

Zey exercises her right to free speech at every single opportunity. 

Really though, no, she doesn’t exercise beyond her typical flitting around everywhere and pulling up weeds, which is actually a rather hard thing for her to do.

5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

Well, we know her personal cleanliness habits already. She lets the forest grow however it wants, though she does ensure that no one species of plant completely overwhelms others. She was raised by and worked with professional farmers and gardeners, so she’s pretty meticulous when it comes to her gardens, actually. 

7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time.

Zey voice: there is no way to waste time if you have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really though, the majority of her time outside of her plant-based work is spent making people happy! When no one outside of Rekmid was awake, she put a lot of time and effort into making future people happy! With her Vines and videos and always refining her comedy act. But outside of both of those (and being incredibly sapphic), it’s likely her hours long jam sessions with herself? She’ll get the piccolo playing something and sing along or in harmony or records herself singing and plays along and just spends hours, not for anyone else’s benefit, just playing and singing and coming up with new things or trying new things, it’s rather good and pure.

11. Intellectual pursuits.

She does tinker around with plant based genetics? Mostly to get really cool looking plants. But outside of that, and like, teaching Rekmid Gnomish, she has no real interest in pursuing anything.

13. Sexual orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

She’s pansexual and romantic! She doesn’t really care what other people’s orientations are, well, she respects those orientations but it’s never something she focuses on, past ‘are they okay with me hitting on them????????’ if they aren’t attracted to her, oh well, she can still be around them and make them happy, they’re pretty great! And so long as no one else tries to moderate or control anyone else’s orientation, she’s fine with whatever people want to identify as.

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress.

She typically wears dresses with short or tank top-like sleeves that cut off at her knee or up to her mid thigh, and adds leggings underneath. She’s typically barefoot. She does spend about ten minutes a day choosing what to wear, often flying in and out of her birdhouse to show Rekmid different combos and ask her opinions (even though Rekmid is absolutely awful with fashion) and tries on two or three different outfits before settling down on one for the day (which is then typically absolutely filthy before it hits midday.)

19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Cliche, but Rekmid, because Rekmid is right there and Zey’s sapphic and likes watching her dragon gf fall asleep. Zey is absolutely 100% the type to randomly blurt out night-blogger-esque type questions and revelations right as Rekmid is about to fall asleep.

23. How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

This is mainly touched on in the cleanliness question, but typically, not at all, she assumes that she can fly around fast enough to find whatever she needs/wants in her house. Garden related tools and seeds and the like are much more organized, but still in a system not really sensible to anyone else. She is disorganized but typically fortuitously stumbles into getting down what needs done, so hasn’t bothered to try and fix this.

29. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Rekmid! But anyone she likes that she is with is also her best friend, pfffffttttttt. If you are within her line of sight and she likes you, you are her best friend.

She doesn’t have a Worst Enemy, but if you piss her off or do something she doesn’t agree with, you are now her Worst Enemy until reconciliation is made (which is surprisingly easy with her.) And then you can go right back to being her Best Friend.

31. Most prized possession?

Rekmid’s heart. Really though, her rock bag of holding and the rocks within. Followed right up by her piccolo.

37. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

E m o t i o n a l, so very emotional.

41. How misanthropic are they?

Not at all? She typically automatically assumes the absolute best out of everyone.

43. How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

Not really far at all? She was taught about plants and gardening from her family and picked up history and politics and languages from her mother and taught herself everything Bardic and expanded her own knowledge on plants/gardening and taught herself the piccolo and how to make people laugh and feel better. So she certainly places a much heavier emphasis on self-education.

47. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘if’‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘‘

Really though, do you exist near her? Are you, at the very least, a decent individual? Do you have moments of competence or adorableness and exist as your own individual with free will? She loves you. That’s it. She loves you and adores you and you are her ideal.