#and after Superman beat the villain of the week the brains are like 'hey we can't go back to our bodies you gotta kill us'

[nitewrighter]

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League Spectacular #1 (1992)

Just off-panel: Bibbo's ice cream truck.

I probably shouldn't be reading this or Justice League Quarterly before I read the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League but what can I do? That's the order they were placed in the short box! It would be a different story if free will were not an illusion but since it is, my hands are tied. It's either read this or, um, I don't know. Die from a temporal paradox? I won't risk it! I was looking through a bunch of my old writing and art last week and discovered a bunch of the kind of sentimental and sort of intellectual crap young people write. It's the kind of stuff you hide away and never show anybody ever and hope that when you die, it'll just get tossed in a dumpster with your old porn and Magic the Gathering cards. But it got me thinking about how brave I am! So brave! The kind of brave you wouldn't hesitate to call some jerk who signed up for the military because he couldn't live as a civilian. No, no. More braver than that! And being this super brave kind of person, I thought that maybe I should share some of this old poetry with everybody! But not yet! You have to work up to being truly brave! So instead, I'll share this piece of artwork I did that was supposed to be the first in a lengthy and disgusting series. It's of Lord Fondlerot, a character I created for the Dwarflover online comic I used to do. He was really into fucking things and I thought, "Hey! I should do a series of drawings where he fucks every creature in the monster manual!" But instead of doing an entire series, I drew one picture and grew either bored or disgusted with the concept. So here's that one picture:

Lord Fondlerot fucking an Axebeak.

Now you're probably wondering just how terrible my poetry must be if I'm opening with that! Well, you'll see soon enough! This issue begins with Sue Dibny still alive and visiting a Florida theme park with her husband, The Elasticated Man. Wow, remember when Sue Dibny was killed and all the heroes freaked out about their secret identities and considered doing intense brain damage to every single person who ever knew any of their identities until they found out that The Atom's ex-wife Jean Loring had gone cuckoo for Atom's cocoa puffs? She wanted them back so bad that she began threatening and murdering the loved ones of all the super heroes. It was the kind of story DC sometimes does where you read it and think, "Well, the twist at the end of that mystery was definitely worth the destruction of the most stable marriage in the DC Universe and also the death of Firestorm and Captain Boomerang! So good!" I mean it doesn't make you think that. It makes you think the exact opposite. Tom King would eventually do pretty much the same thing in Heroes in Crisis but instead of Jean Loring fucking up by accidentally killing Sue Dibny and murdering more people to cover her tracks, Wally West fucks up and kills Poison Ivy and some others and then tries to cover his tracks. But at least Tom King's had all of those entertaining scenes where the heroes are doing therapy and we get to see how much they're all suffering from PTSD. That's always a fun aspect of super heroes we never get to read enough about. Dammit! I keep doing it. I meant it was the opposite of fun! Although I still liked it because sometimes I just like seeing other people in pain. Not in a sick perverse way where I pop a boner or something! Just in that way where you sit around all day thinking, "My life is terrible and everything is wrong and I hate my parents for bringing me into this wretched existence and the only thing that might make me feel better is to learn that Superman sometimes feels the same way." Oh, remember when Tom King was writing Batman and he had that two issue Booster Gold arc where we got to see how fucking insane Booster Gold was from living through all of those horrible, wretched, dark alternate timelines? And the only way he can deal with the trauma and the PTSD is by making a joke out of everything? I'll have to think of that as the canon Booster Gold when I'm reading Giffen and DeMatteis's Justice League. Maybe it'll make all of Booster and Beetle's inappropriate joking more appropriate. Back to the story, Sue Dibny, alive and well, and her husband Ralph "The Elasticated Man" Dibny are busy showing a bunch of European diplomats around the non-Disney World theme park.

See? You can tell they're European because they're all smart and shit.

The first stop in the park is to Alice's Wonderland where the diplomats are attacked by the Royal Flush Gang. They are a gang whose theme is playing cards and not expensive toilets. Their powers are the ability to ride on gigantic cards and to make poker puns.

If looking good in tight fitting costumes is also a power, it's my new answer to the question of which super power would I choose..

Ten's outfit reminds me of the days when nipples were allowed to show through tops without being erased away through some kind of editing software. The 70s were a wild decade! Sure, there were also nips on television in the 80s but the 80s, generally speaking, sucked and were a huge contribution to the downfall of America.

The King of Spades mansplaining their entire concept to the Queen of Spades.

It's true that the royal flush beats any other poker hand but I doubt Superman is going to surrender after this concept is explained to him because, in the end, they're not fucking playing poker. It turns out Maxwell Lord paid the Royal Flush Gang to make a little trouble so the Justice League could beat them up and get some media attention. But the Justice League has apparently broken up and The Elasticated Man just isn't hero enough to save the European delegates all by himself. He might have been if the Royal Flush Gang had done what they were told and not really fight back. But why would they do that?! Wouldn't they still be in trouble with federal agents?! Booster Gold finds Blue Beetle busy pouting in the old Justice League cave headquarters. Booster has decided to try to cheer his old buddy up although why wouldn't Booster just travel to a timeline where Ted Kord is already cheered up? Is that how time travel works in the DCU? Or did Booster already try that, it went horribly sideways, and now he's a little more fucked up in the head when he returns to the "real" timeline?

For some reason, Ice and Fire have also come down to the cave. Probably to accidentally go on a double date with Booster and Beetle. Booster and Fire and Beetle and Ice hear a news report about the Royal Flush Gang and decide to go save Ralph. Superman also hears about the situation and heads to Florida where he's almost immediately defeated by The Royal Flush Gang. Not because they're dangerous and competent super villains but because some mysterious benefactor has give them weapons capable of knocking out Superman's powers. Maxwell Lord is not that benefactor so who could have done it? Certainly not Guy Gardner, right?! What would he want with getting the Justice League back together. Isn't he busy being Warrior or something by this point? Power Girl, Metamorpho, and Guy Gardner all join in on the fight. The guy behind it all is that Weapons Master dude who is desperate to get a new weapon for his arsenal: a Green Lantern ring. The attack on the Royal Flush Gang fails to get him the ring so he decides to attack directly. But not in this issue! He has to wait for a regular series issue. Ice uses Guy's ring to contact Hal Jordan because somebody finally decided this Justice League wasn't really a big league Justice League. Everybody reading it knew it for years. But I guess Dan Jurgens was assigned the task to get a new, more believably powerful League together. So Hal Jordan flies around to pick up some new members to save the day. He chooses The Flash and Aquaman which seems about right. But he also chooses Crimson Fox which seems like sliding backwards into goofy Justice League territory. Not that I totally approve of Aquaman but I have to admit he's a "serious" choice for the League.

Doctor Light also joins the party. Although why she'd keep the name of a pedo, I couldn't guess. Just become Lightwoman or something. But no! Once some jerk earns their doctorate, they just have to demand to be called Doctor.

I'm sorry. I was too distracted pointing out that Doctor Light joined the fight and how her namesake was a pervert to comment on Metamorpho acting like a huge fucking pig. Crimson Fox beats up some guys dressed as cards and admits that she's a boring idiot whose favorite part of the game is shuffling the cards. I understand the need to think up some kind of goofy one-liner when you go into battle but shouldn't you at least try to think up one that doesn't make yourself sound like a pathetic asshole? Weapons Master's plan failed but he figures he has enough information to get Green Lantern's ring next time. He'll then sell it to a Dominator for a few bucks and maybe some slaves. The big hitters talk it over and decide they should start a new Justice League without the approval of the United Nations. Yeah! Who needs some stupid Earthly authority when you've got an invulnerable Kryptonian, an all powerful space cop, and the king of the seven seas! All they need is a Greek Goddess and a mentally ill furry with a long history of violent behavior and they'll have the big team back together! Booyah! I mean, without that stupid Booyah shit because Cyborg is basically a toaster at this point. Maybe. I don't know! What am I, Johnni DC, Continuity Cop?! The heroes make one more decision: split the group into two Leagues. So once again, they're forming Justice League America and Justice League Europe. How come I don't remember this shit?! Did the comics get canceled in '92 and then immediately fired back up? I don't seem to remember two different incarnations of these teams. Maybe I should have stored my comic books in chronological order so it would all make sense. Justice League Spectacular #1 Rating: C. I just read the letters pages and it looks like this comic book takes place between JLA #60 and JLA #61! So editorial decided the teams needed to be shaken up and the best way to do it was to disband the League in the regular series, have a special one-shot comic that gets them back together but with a different roster, and then send them back to work in the next issue of the regular series. I guess I should just shove this comic book into the middle of the regular series so when I reread it all again in my 80s, it'll make more sense! Let's close with the worst drawing of Aquaman I've ever seen:

Actually, he looks a little bit like Grunion Guy.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1247

Monday, January 28, 2019

 What a classic Canadian winter we're having right now. It was bitterly cold but sunny yesterday so I went for a walk around the boundary of our neighbourhood. I walked out to Bank Street, turned south to go to Alta Vista Drive, turned north-east to go to Heron Road, turned west to go back to Bank Street again and then up Portland Avenue and home. It was very invigorating. More snow is forecast and Ottawa may break its all time record for the amount of snow fallen in January. Thank Thor I don't have to shovel all of it.

 What a great week for outstanding art. My eyes couldn't believe the work it was relishing with every comic book that I read. I generally choose the comic books that I want to read based on who writes it. When I flip through a new book that has nice art I will give it a try even though I don't recognise the writer's name. I do get disappointed when a writer I like is drawn by an artist that doesn't appeal to me, but I will continue to read the book. But if the story doesn't appeal to me even with beautiful art, I can't continue to read that comic. Monstress is a good example. I was surprised many times with the art this week. I haven't felt this happy after reading a pile of comic books in a long time.

 Man Without Fear #4 - Jed MacKay (writer) Paolo Villanelli (art) Andres Mossa (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin of Crime and still Mayor of New York City, pays a visit to Matt in the hospital. The biggest point that this issue makes is that Daredevil's secret identity is intact. When the Kingpin became mayor I thought the idea was ludicrous. Now not so much.

 Hardcore #2 - Andy Diggle (writer) Alessandro Vitti (art) Adriano Lucas (colours) Thomas Mauer (letters). This issue of an impossible mission is action-packed. Agent Drake is trapped but good. I love this crazy off the wall stuff.

 Superior Spider-Man #2 - Christos Gage (writer) Mike Hawthorne (pencils) Wade von Grawbadger with Victor Olazaba (inks) Jordie Bellaire (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). So why is Terrax terrorizing Earth again? Because he wants to rule the entire planet. Hey, why not. Otto makes a valiant effort to beat the cosmically powered villain but all seems lost until his ex-girlfriend comes to the rescue. I like how Otto uses his brain to augment brawn when he fights bad guys.

 The Immortal Hulk #12 - Al Ewing (writer) Joe Bennett (main story pencils) Ruy Jose (main story inks) Eric Nguyen (flashbacks art) Paul Mounts (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). We are introduced to another side of the Hulk while he's in Hell. When the Hulk first hit the racks, he was just this big monster being pursued by the army. All he wanted was to be left alone but General Ross kept hounding him. Ever since they added multiple personalities to this character, he's become far more interesting. This story takes a serious look at Satan and what the devil means to mankind. A surprisingly mature theme for a super hero comic book.

 Cover #5 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) David Mack (art) Michael Avon Oeming (Owen art) Zu Orzu (colours) Carlos Mangual (letters). A comic book artists traveling around the world attending comic book conventions is an excellent cover for a spy. It's much more interesting because Max the artist is constantly out of his depth.

 The Avante-Guards #1 - Carly Usdin (writer) Noah Hayes (art) Rebecca Nalty (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). I liked the art in this when I flipped through it so I pulled it off the rack to read. I'm glad I did. This is a slice-of-life comic book starring Charlene "Charlie" Bravo, a freshman at an arts college. She's a loner who I took a liking to after reading this first issue. Charlie meets perky go-getter Olivia who is trying to form a basketball team to play against other art colleges. I'm going to stick around to see if this southpaw joins the team. I really like the clever title of this book too.

 Guardians of the Galaxy #1 - Donny Cates (writer) Geoff Shaw (art) Marte Gracia (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Now see? This here is a new Marvel #1 that's worthy of being bought off the rack. It's a sequel to "Infinity Wars", which didn't hold my attention, and introduces the new team. Seems like the old team broke up during "Infinity Wars". If the new team isn't enough to get you hooked on this 6-issue story, then their first mission will. They have to stop the resurrection of Thanos. Y'see, the Mad Titan was killed in "Infinity Wars". There's guest stars galore and the one on the last page is another reason I want to keep reading. And wait until you see how Groot has changed. I haven't felt this excited after reading a Marvel #1 in some time.

 Oliver #1 - Gary Whitta (writer) Darick Robertson (art) Diego Rodriguez (colours) Simon Bowland (letters). It's been a while since we've seen Darick Robertson's art on the racks. His work on "The Boys" made that series a highlight issue after issue. I think his work in this post apocalyptic story based in London, England is some of his best. Oliver is born into this hell hole but he grows up fast. There's a genetic mystery that's got me interested but it's the art that will keep me reading.

 Blossoms 666 #1 - Cullen Bunn (writer) Laura Braga (art) Matt Herms (colours) Jack Morelli (letters). This new Archie Horror book should tide you over while you're waiting for the next Sabrina book to hit the racks. I know that the new Blossom twins have been recast as villains and this will show you how dark they've gotten. If the number of the beast isn't a hint, wait until you see what Cheryl is up to on the last page.

 Naomi #1 - Brian Michael Bendis & David F. Walker (writers) Jamal Campbell (art) Josh Reed (letters). Have you given up on Riri Williams/Ironheart? I haven't yet, but it's not the same without Brian Michael Bendis writing her adventures. Well, if you're looking for a comic book just as cool and eye-popping gorgeous, please give this new DC/Wonder Comics a look see. It's very difficult to get a brand new character onto the racks that will get me jazzed but Brian has done it here. Superman makes a cameo but this is all about a troubled teen growing up in a small town. I can't wait to find out more about Naomi's mysterious past. Jamal Campbell's pretty art is a huge bonus.

 Shazam #2 - Geoff Johns (writer) Marco Santucci (art) Mike Atiyeh (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). The big surprise at the end of the first issue gets a cursory two page mention before we join the Shazam siblings back in the grand central station of the Magiclands. There are seven lands to explore and Funland seems to be safe. Meanwhile, we get our first look at Mr. Mind and as an added bonus, his origin story. The art in this issue is really nice and we are left with another new character on the last page that makes me want to keep reading. King Kid, ruler of Funland: good or evil?

 Avengers #13 - Jason Aaron (writer) Andrea Sorrentino (art) Justin Ponsor & Erick Arciniega (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). This is the origin story of Fan Fei, the very first Iron Fist from one million years BC. She deserves her own mini series by these guys. Andrea Sorrentino's art impressed me immensely when he did Green Arrow with Jeff Lemire and I think he's gotten better since. His stuff in here reminded me of Frank Quitely. It sure is pretty.

 Batman #63 - Tom King (writer) Mikel Janin (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). Knightmares part 3. Batman is trapped in a dream with Constantine. If the second hand smoke doesn't drive you crazy, the dream will. This look into Batman's psyche reminds me of the time he was captured during the Court of Owls story. It was nice to see Tom explore what might have happened if the Cat and the Bat got married.

 Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #2 - Tom Taylor (writer) Juann Cabal (art) Nolan Woodard (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). This isn't just friendly, it's amazing and spectacular. I haven't felt this much joy reading a Spider-Man/Peter Parker story since Brian Michael Bendis was writing Miles Morales/Spider-Man stories. The scene with the kids and Johnny Storm was cute. I like how Mayor Fisk's cameo establishes when this story happens. The cherry on top was the last page introducing a new character named The Rumor that made me giggle with glee. I can't wait to read #3.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1230

Monday, October 1, 2018

 Surprise! I'm still kicking and writing. My announcement last week about off the rack possibly ending prompted Heather to tell me her plans for Comet Comics after the move to 1073 Bank Street which included asking if I wanted to continue to work for her. Do I like to go fishing? Of course I said yes. To all of you who sent me messages that you're going to miss off the rack, I say thee nay, I get to read on and ramble on.

 Catwoman #3 - Joelle Jones (writer) Joelle Jones (art pages 1-8, 14-22) Fernando Blanco (art pages 9-13) Laura Allred (colours pages 1-8, 14-22) John Kalisz (colours pages 9-13) Josh Reed (letters). My thanks to Amanda and Ryan for giving me permission to read their sub service copy, otherwise I would have missed this issue because it was sold out by the time I got back from vacation. Selina gets read the law of the land and you know how she feels about the letter of the law. This puts her in opposition to the family that runs her new home town but she's one tough cookie and is able to complete her personal mission. I want to see how this family reunion goes.

 Hey Kids! Comics #2 - Howard Chaykin (writer & art) Wil Quintana (colours) Ken Bruzenak (letters). See if you can recognise Stan the Man and Jack the King in this thinly veiled history of comic books.

 Old Man Hawkeye #9 - Ethan Sacks (writer) Marco Checchetto (art) Andres Mossa (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Eye for an Eye part 9. Bullseye finally catches up to Clint as Hawkeye is about to kill another old Thunderbolts member. Wounds are inflicted on both sides and someone earns redemption. The story continues next issue in the Great White North. I'll be there eh.

 Silencer #9 - Dan Abnett (writer) Patch Zircher (art) Mike Spicer (colours) Tom Napolitano (letters). Hell-iday Road part 2. Talia Al Ghul's only loyal department head uses her magic to switch Silencer and Quietus's bodies. Brain triumphs over brawn and Honor lives to fight another day. Her family is her main weakness and I hope somewhere along the way they are eliminated so we'll see her really let loose.

 Heroes in Crisis #1 - Tom King (writer) Clay Mann (art) Tomeu Morey (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). I don't keep up with much going on in the DCU so I don't know if this is another Crisis on Infinite Earths deal where they try to clean up the universe a little, but there sure are a lot of dead super powered people in this first issue. I picked this off the rack to read because the art is sweet and it's written by one of my favourite writers right now. We start off the 9-issue story with Harley Quinn fighting Booster Gold and I'm rooting for Harley to finally rid the DCU of the time travelling doofus. A place called Sanctuary is introduced that seems to be a place where super heroes can go to get psychoanalyzed. Maybe there's a connection with Harley but it's not made clear here. The big three, Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman gather in Sanctuary and the mystery of why these dead super heroes are lying around all over the place is off to a flying start. This goes on to my "must read" list.

 Marvel 2-In-One #10/LGY #110 - Chip Zdarsky (writer) Ramon K. Perez (art) Frederico Blee (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). It's not quite a full reunion of Marvel's First Family but were getting closer as Ben and Johnny get their powers back to beat this world's villainous Fantastic Four.

 Stranger Things #1 - Jody Houser (writer) Stefano Martino (pencils) Keith Champagne (inks) Lauren Affe (colours) Nate Piekos (letters). Dark Horse Comics capitalizes on the popular Netflix show with this 4-issue mini following the adventures of Will Byers and his friends. I've never watched the show so I'm new to these characters and situation. The art is pretty good and the plight of young Will in another dimension is scary but nothing grabbed me here. I'm sure Stranger Things fans would be tickled to have their own comic book to collect.

 Justice League Odyssey #1 - Joshua Williamson (writer) Stjepan Sejic (art) Deron Bennett (letters). As soon as I flipped open the cover and saw the art I wanted to read about this new team. Plus I love how Stjepan draws Kory/Starfire. I didn't know who the big grey guy was but boy was I surprised to find out he's Darkseid. The big bad villain sure has slimmed down a lot or else it's Darkseid junior. Joining Starfire and Darkseid are Azrael, Cyborg and Green Lantern Jessica Cruz. They will be fighting evil in the galaxy according to the cover blurb so aliens beware.

 Amazing Spider-Man #6/LGY #807 - Nick Spencer (writer) Humberto Ramos (pencils) Victor Olazaba (inks) Edgar Delgado (colours) Steve Lieber (art pages 8-10) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours pages 8-10) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). A Trivial Pursuit part 1. I will pretend that Peter Parker and Spider-Man were never split in two during the last arc and catch you up with the present. Peter's new roommate is the super villain Boomerang. Talk about keeping your enemies close. This issue takes place in The Bar With No Name, a super villain hangout, and it's trivia night. The category is Spider-Man. Boomerang takes Peter to the bad guys bar and guess who wins? Meanwhile, Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin of Crime and current Mayor of New York City is not happy with his lackey Boomerang. Got all that? Looks like the old Parker luck will be rearing its ugly head again. I didn't like the jarring difference in art for the 3 pages where Spider-Man is spying on the Superior Foes of Spider-Man playing cards. It didn't feel like part of the story.

 Doomsday Clock #7 - Geoff Johns (writer) Gary Frank (art) Brad Anderson (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). The first page is super confusing as the narrator jumps back and forth in time but thankfully the second page carries on the story in a linear fashion and we finally see the appearance of Doctor Manhattan. There was a big deal made when Watchmen first hit the racks in 1986 about the full frontal nudity when Dave Gibbons drew the naked Doctor Manhattan and showed his penis. No problem penis this time because this issue was overshadowed by Batman: Damned where Lee Bermejo uncovered Bruce Wayne's penis in that book. Nudity is so controversial in North America whereas in Europe people don't get their knickers in a bunch over seeing so called private parts. I'm glad we've matured somewhat so that this comic book didn't stir up a big conservative backlash too.

 Domino Annual #1 - I've been enjoying the regular series and I recommend that you check out this $4.99 US anthology to see what fun Neena Thurman/Domino has. There are four short stories in this annual. All lettered by VC's Clayton Cowles.

 "Dead Drunk in Dry Gulch" by Gail Simone (writer), Victor Ibanez (art) and Jay David Ramos (colours) tells the story of how Domino and Diamondback meet Outlaw.

 "The Good Fight" by Fabian Nicieza (writer) Juan Gedeon (art) and Jesus Aburtov (colours) features Cable.

 "Rebound" by Dennis Hopeless (writer) Leonard Kirk (art) and Jesus Aburtov (colours) shows the gloomy Colossus wallowing after what happened between him and Kitty at their wedding.

 "Domino & The Rejex" by Leah Williams (writer) Natacha Bustos (art) and Jesus Aburtov (colours) looks in on a mutant support group that Neena and Nightcrawler put together.

 These are bookended by "Saturdays Are For The Body Count" by Leah Williams (writer) Michael Shelfer (art) and Jesus Aburtov (colours).

 Action Comics #1003 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Yanick Paquette (art) Nathan Fairbairn (colours) Josh Reed (letters). Invisible Mafia part 3. I missed Action Comics #1002 with Invisible Mafia part 2 while on vacation but I got the gist of what's going on no problem. Batman helps out when a Daily Planet reporter gets her hands on some Green Kryptonite. I would like to see a World's Finest comic book written by Brian Michael Bendis. We go to la la land with Lois Lane and Lex Luthor on the last page which made me wonder what's going on there?

 Extermination #3 - Ed Brisson (writer) Pepe Larraz (art) Marte Gracia (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). I'm getting a sense of where this story about the time displaced young X-Men is going. I think young Cable/Nathan is rescuing them from Ahab but we don't know why. I really like young Jean hanging with Domino and her X-Factor team. I will read on to see if I'm right about what's going to happen.