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themainreactor · 1 year ago

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"I think I love you, but I can't bear to use you and then just go away."

In which, Shoto is not sure that he loves you and can't help but feel guilty when he plans to marry you. He feels like he's just using you to anger his father for the stupid things he's done in the past and he's sure that you're just too kind for that.

You were a quirkless girl dating a strong boy.

However, you were kind and hardworking, an enjoyable person to be around.

Somehow, you caught the attention of not just any person, but a future hero.

You were the bare minimum. Yet, somehow he wanted to be around you as much as he could.

His mother says that it's love, but he's not sure.

It wasn't like the two of you were even sleeping together so it couldn't be anything like lust right? You and Shoto just decided that dating was an option and that it could be a good idea.

So you could say that he's been trying to do this the right way, trying to make sure that you stay with him. Since you were such a gentle person, it was easy to navigate the relationship.

Logically speaking, there was no point in him leaving you. The two of you didn't fight, and you had to be one of the sweetest people he's ever met before.

Unfortunately there was this... One problem, something that made him want to propose to you on a whim.

That one problem. That stubborn, stupid, annoying, absolutely anger inducing problem.

His father.

He disapproved of you greatly and oh how Shoto wished from time to time that his father would just croak and die.

It angers him knowing that his father will still try and control his life even when he becomes an adult. He knows that his father has changed, and he's grateful, he's forgiving him as much as he can.

But why did he have to ask about you?

How did he even know about you? He was sure he hadn't been vocal about you to anyone in his family besides his mother. How did he find out that you were quirkless? How did he find out you weren't even in UA? How did he find out any of that crap?!

They had an argument and he was pissed, so what better way to revel in revenge than to use his father's credit card to pay for your engagement ring?

... Maybe that was too far... Like 'way outta pocket' too far.

After all, that would mean that the ring wasn't really bought with love... It was a haste decision and it didn't come from just him, it came from him trying to prove his father wrong. He's only known you for like a year and a half.

And now here he was, almost three months later with a ring, a simple yet really pretty ring in a small white box. He knew that you liked very simple jewelry, so it was all good... At least that's what he keeps telling himself.

You were kinda like his friend Uraraka in that aspect... Well that would be stereotypical wouldn't it? Not that he could even bring himself to care when he had way too many questions in his head.

Should he wait? Or should he propose to you now? Should he just break up with you entirely for your sake of not being involved with his father?

If he was going to propose it would be really fast, but if he was really going to have to make it romantic.

... Right?

Dear Lord, please help him because he was about to lose his mind!

He wants to prove to his father that he can make his own decisions. He can do what he wants, and he'll do as he pleases. If he wants to marry a quirkless, poor and possibly naive girl, he'll do that!

He wants to marry this girl... He's sure he wants to at least stay with this girl, this lovely girl. This beautiful girl that's gently yet vigorously caught his heart in a glittery, golden grasp out of nowhere.

He doesn't want her to ever let his heart go, and he wants to earn hers. He wants to make her happy because even though he's confused, he wants to believe it's love.

He loves you, but then his father comes to mind. Every. Single. Time.

"Every... Damn... Time." He grumbles, clearly frustrated at what his mind wouldn't allow him to settle.

"Are you okay?" Momo asks, watching as he curses and hunches over the kitchen counter.

"I'm... Fine." Shoto replies, briefly looking at her before he looks back at the floor.

Maybe he should ask Mina or Kirishima. Maybe even Midoriya would know something about this, after all, he did help him with his fire quirk.

If he was being honest, you knew almost nothing about his terribly raised life but he knew your family and they were lovely.

Your father had to be the calmest man he had ever met. At first, due to his rough exterior, it scared him, that was until he saw him laughing and Shoto couldn't help but laugh with him.

Your brother was a nightmare at first, ready to kill him in an instant if he dared harm you. But it seemed like he got off on the right foot and after a while of investigation, your brother deduced that he was in the clear.

But he hadn't invited you to meet anyone in his family.

Damn it! His father seemed to ruin everything!

Quickly Shoto started walking to the door to put his shoes on, trying to ignore the sudden feeling he had of lightheadedness. He probably needed some iron.

"Are you sure you're okay? Maybe you should drink some tea, I'm sure something stressful is on your mind."

Momo... That rich ass Asian. Momo's rich ass family made him look so poor it was ridiculous. Momo, always calm, smart, and a strong quirk to back her up. Momo, in his father's eyes, would be a logical choice for dating let alone marriage.

But that's what angered him so much.

Shoto could care less about Momo or his father, so why was he always thinking about what his father would think? About every single situation, he was thinking about what his father would see as good or bad.

He was absolutely livid by it.

"I'm fine, thanks." Was all he said as he left the UA dorms, not caring if he startled his classmates. He was a man on a mission and for some reason, he was going to follow this through like the dumbass he was.

I mean, he would have to, he bought the ring off of that stupid card. Hopefully it would ruin his dad's credit.

He continued walking but his mind wouldn't leave him alone. He was almost scared and definitely annoyed. He wanted to punch something, literally anything.

Maybe he should steal one of Bakugou's romance novels, that way he could figure out what to do in this situation that wouldn't place him in jail for harassment or attempted murder.

He was speed walking off the campus, clearly making everyone uncomfortable since Shoto was always stoic and calm. He pulled out his phone in hopes that he could call someone, but now that he thought about it...

He should just go see you, he shouldn't even warn you he's coming since it would be a surprise.

He was actually going to marry you. Technically he couldn't legally since he knew his father wouldn't allow it and since he was still a minor, he would have to wait until he was older.

But he was going to make you his fiance... Possibly. There was no real way to determine whether or not you would say yes.

Were you as delusional as him that you would say yes?

Crap, he knew he had love for you since he first talked to you. He had always seen you, either working at the coffee shop or hanging out at the skate park. But the question was, did he love you? He knows he has love for you, but that's different isn't it?

He would just take you to meet his siblings tonight, how hard would that be? They had invited him to dinner tonight and it would be a surprise for everyone. Oh damn it, damnit, damnit! Why was he feeling so frustrated and scared at the same time?!

You remind him of a rose, a rose he feels can harm him if he touches it too roughly because it has thorns. But at the same time, he feels that if he is not gentle enough, he will cause the rose to wither or break.

Damn his father! He blames everything on him, otherwise it's his own fault and he can't bear it being his fault.

He doesn't want to be the one to leave you hurt and in pain, but if he pretends to love you, won't that also hurt you? What in the world is he supposed to do?!

Before Shoto knows it, he's walking up the stairs to the apartment that you share with your family. If you weren't there, you were probably still at school or at the skate park since you didn't work today.

Why is he so scared to knock on the door? Is it because of what he's been thinking or because he's about to touch the rose that might harm him or die on him?

"Don't touch the dress!- Oh, Hi Shoto! I didn't know you were coming." You greet, opening the door and allowing him to enter the apartment before yelling at your older brother again.

"Don't touch it! I'm almost done making it so stooppp!" You yell in annoyance, only for your brother to laugh and scoot away from the dress.

"Hey dude! Our dad's not home so don't act up." Your brother greets, gaining a nod from him before he sits down next to you as you make the dress.

It was a beautiful dress, one that would fit you or any other woman perfectly, Shoto almost forgot that you liked to make clothes. It seemed to be more of a hobby than a career though, even with the talent you had.

"Can I ask you a question?" Shoto asks, watching your hands caress the dress as you sew a small gem on it. He kinda wishes you would caress him like that... Wait, was that a good thing to think?

Shoto was almost sweating at how nervous he was, there was no damn way he was going to break up with you in this house, no way was he going to propose to you in this house either.

What question did Kaminari say was good for relationships? Would you love me if I was a worm right?

... What type of question was that?

"Sure, what is it?" You start, biting on the needle to finish something before placing your sewing kit and needle off to the side.

"What in the hell?!" Your brother yells, looking at his phone before walking towards you in a haste.

"Carrie Underwood is pregnant!"

"... Who again?" You question, tilting your head to the side as he gets his shoes on. Clearly you weren't familiar with the celebrity and neither was Shoto.

"The country singer stupid! I have to go on a run or something! Otherwise I'm going to cry! I can't believe she's pregnant, now she's gonna stay with Mike forever!" Was all he could yell out before he almost collapsed and cried.

"Doesn't she live in America? She doesn't even know you!"

Chaos... Chaos was what you two were. Sibling chaos that Shoto wasn't used to. Maybe if Touya was alive, he would be that way with him.

"Would you like to come on a dinner date with me?"

Here we go.

"... Really? Sure! when would we be going?" You ask, moving the dress to the side.

"... Right now." Shoto replies, trying his best to keep his breathing to a minimum. His heart was beating way too fast and he didn't like it.

"Right now? Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

You were surprised indeed since it was usually you who initiated dates and hangouts with him. In fact, you were almost too stunned to speak. Almost.

You look towards your brother but you can already tell that he is still traumatized.

"Whatever, go take care of your hubby sis." He waved off, walking into the living room as he continued to look at his phone.

"I'm not dressed for anything nice though."

"Doesn't matter." Shoto commented, shrugging his shoulders while looking at your attire. You actually looked pretty nice, regular jeans with a Bob Ross painting shirt.

He remembers when you told him who Bob Ross was and he was immediately hooked with the painting man. Of course until he almost cried when he found out that Bob Ross had died before he was even born.

"Yes it does, I can't have you looking prettier than me."

That was nice, he liked hearing you call him pretty.

He just shrugs his shoulders again with a soft smile, allowing you to quickly run into your room to get ready. You come back about a minute later in a nice, sundress and a white dress jacket to put over.

He mostly didn't care, especially since he was just in a pair of jeans and a shirt. He did also have a plain, blue button down shirt over but how did that make him look any more ready for a date than you?

You did look very pretty.

"Bye!" You yell towards your brother, him giving a small wave in response while he still tries to use his phone to figure out if he can be a part of this family Carrie Underwood is making.

"Let's go." Was all Shoto said as he took your hand, leading you out of the apartment and letting you lock the door behind you.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, what is it?" Shoto asks, turning his head to look at you only to be met with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay? I'm not asking if you're sick or anything but are you feeling alright?"

He liked when you asked if he was okay... Now that he thinks about it, he likes a lot of things that you do around him.

"I'm fine... I just wanted to surprise you, I know you're always doing that for me." He starts, lightly rubbing his thumb across your knuckles. It calmed him, he didn't know whether or not you liked it, it was a small way of showing affection.

"So I thought I would do it for you this time."

"... That's sweet, thank you."

...

'Why is it so Japanese?!' Was all you could think as you stood in front of his house.

"My siblings names are Fuyumi and Natsuo."

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I'm not ready for this!" You squeak out, trying to calm yourself down by hiding behind Shoto's back. He had to refrain from laughing but he didn't think this would make you so nervous.

"You look okay, I'm sure you're ready."

"I would have dressed in something more formal than this if I knew we would be visiting your family!"

"Don't worry." He chuckled out, placing his hand on top of your shoulder in a side hug.

"It's just my siblings and plus, they don't know that you're coming either so it's a surprise for everyone."

"Alright... Alright... I can do this, it's all good." You whispered, making Shoto feel a bit bad from the sight of your nervousness.

Shoto finally opened the door, already hearing the chatter of his sister and her silent yelling at Natsuo to behave.

"Shoto, is that you?" Fuyumi asks, opening the sliding door that was inside before stopping in surprise at the guest.

"Yes... I brought a guest with me." He barely spoke out, his voice sounding quite foreign to him. He must be too nervous.

"That's great! The table will feel fuller now, my name's Fuyumi, I'm Shoto's sister." The woman greets herself, hardly able to contain her excitement about it.

Fuyumi knew damn well who you were, after all, she also visited mother and it's not like her mother kept secrets from her family.

"It's nice to meet you Fuyumi." You reply, lightly taking her hand and giggling at her puppy dog eyes. Clearly she liked guests and company. Shoto's happy that both of you seem to like each other.

"Come on inside." Fuyumi waves, allowing you and Shoto to fully enter the house.

"Natsuo, we have a guest." Fuyumi calls out, opening the dining room and not finding him before retreating to the kitchen.

"Another one other than Shoto?

"Yeah! I wouldn't be calling Shoto a guest, and be nice to her."

Shoto chuckled, leading you to the table to sit down next to him. This was good. He didn't have to worry about anything for now.

He didn't have to worry about his father, he didn't have to worry about the ring. He knew that he was just being hyper about it.

"Whatever... Wait, her?" Natsuo yells out, questioning his sister before entering the room and seeing you.

If he was a girl he would have squealed from how cute you were sitting next to his little brother. But he didn't so instead he decided to just smile and wave. He could afford to be nice and not scare you off.

"I'll be right back." Shoto starts, standing up before you lightly tapped on the back of his hand.

"Do you want me to help?" You asked with a cute face, wanting to make a good impression.

"No, thank you." Shoto replied, not being able to keep away a small smile from you because of how cute you were. He walked into the kitchen to help but instead he was quietly bombarded by his two siblings instead.

"She's so cute!" Fuyumi whisper yells, quickly hugging onto Shoto before Natsuo pushes her away to state something else.

"She's a keeper, have you been sleeping with her by any chance?"

What type of question was that?

"... No... Why?"

"Good, you haven't done it yet. I can give you some tips if you want." Natsuo starts, ruffling Shoto's hair before he smacks his hand away.

"No, gross." Shoto rolls his eyes, helping Fuyumi with the food that she made to bring onto the dining table.

As the three of them helped set the table, You of course helped where you could even though you didn't have to before you all sat down.

"So... You like jazz?" Natsuo asks, being fully serious even with his teasing mannerisms.

"Natsuo, don't be pushy!" Fuyumi scolds, hitting her elbow into his side. He only let out a grunt in response but didn't let up on what he thought was him being welcoming.

"What?! I was being serious, I want to know more about you if you're my brother's girlfriend."

"Yes, I do like jazz." You reply with a laugh, trying not to be rude since he just got his ribs attacked by his sister.

"Do you like anything else in particular?" Fuyumi asks, suddenly getting more curious and Natsuo sees that as an opening for him to tease her.

"Who's all pushy now?"

"Oh stop it."

Shoto really was happy. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, however he liked the way that you interacted with them.

Even though he could tell throughout the night that you were a bit stiff with how you talked and acted, you eventually loosened up and it seemed to just come natural.

Until of course, a problem occurred.

Of course a problem like this had to happen and now he was all worried again.

That stubborn, stupid, annoying, absolutely anger inducing problem that he didn't need.

"You told me he would be working the whole night." Shoto calmly stated, listening as he heard the door of the house unlock and open.

"I thought he wouldn't be here! He didn't say anything to us."

"Damn he's gonna be all fatherly now, how riveting."

"Natsuo!"

"What?! I don't wanna stay here for that crap!"

As calm as Shoto was acting, he was internally in fear of his mental sanity and the possibility of dying on the spot from stress. But he knew he needed to be calm for your sake since you didn't know him.

"Hey dad, do you want me to set up a new place for you on the table?" Fuyumi asks, standing up and watching her dad take off his shoes before walking away.

"Sure, I just have to wash up."

Damn his voice was deep, and not only that, it sounded horse. Probably from how much he may or may not have been yelling from his job.

For now, reaching out to touch his hand with your own from under the table would have to do in order to calm yourself down.

Shoto thought it was cute, but he didn't really have much time to reminisce on you when he had to figure out how he was gonna explain all of this. He didn't tell his father he would be bringing you.

Before he even knew it there was his father, barely registering that you were there until he sat down. When he did notice you, he wasn't sure how to react, although he wasn't even really surprised.

"Hello." Enji greeted you in a calm voice. At some point he knew his son would bring home this girl and as he recalled it, he said that ' he wouldn't mind marrying her it would make him shut the hell up'.

"... Hello..." You respond with a small smile, completely disregarding the fact that you felt like you were about to throw up.

"So... You are the girlfriend?" Enji starts, raising an eyebrow in your direction and then looking at Shoto.

"Yes sir." You nodded your head.

"Well, I guess we should talk about some things then."

It looked like both Shoto and his father were communicating with their facial expressions and Shoto wasn't having it. He was going to leave soon if he didn't stop about this because he was too embarrassed.

"About what?" You question, tilting your head a little bit at the staring contest the two were having.

"A talk that's been long overdue about this relationship you have with my son."

Now you were scared and Shoto was about to lose his shit. Mostly this was still due to the fact that his father still didn't know that he bought that engagement ring even after three months.

Not that you needed to know that just yet. It's his father's fault for not checking his money.

"As far as I'm concerned, the conversation doesn't even need to happen." Shoto butts in with a calm tone, glaring at his father with an unreadable expression.

Damn, you were jealous of his calmness, you almost felt like you couldn't speak. Yet it made you wonder even with his stoic nature, he would glare at his father with such intensity.

"Yes it does Shoto, it was going to happen sooner or later and if it happened later than now, there would be a chance that you would actually stay with her."

Ouch.

Godsmack, what a strange word. Who even allowed such a word as Godsmack to exist?

You could think about that instead of the lump in your throat or the sweat collecting at the palm of your hands that you were trying to wipe away on your dress.

"As I was saying, I'm sure you know my son's going to UA."

"Yes sir, a school for heroes." You nod, staring at your lap before looking at him. Your stomach hurts and it's annoying, you almost felt like you were on your period.

"With that being said, I just don't think that this relationship is even reasonable to begin with." He added on, looking at you with a straight face.

The only reason Natsuo was still here was because of this specific conversation. He was just waiting for Shoto to rip him up.

"Because I'm poor?" You plainly stated, surprising Enji with how quickly you wanted to figure out the issue.

"No that's not it, it's just that there's a lot of stress when you're training to be a professional."

"Right... Does it have anything to do with me being quirkless?"

Now Natsuo was interested, so was Fuyumi but she was able to hide it a bit better.

"No-"

"Well that's gotta be part of it isn't it?" Shoto asks, sounding sarcastic with his words.

"Shoto, don't start-"

"Don't start what? I already said that whatever you say, I'm staying with her."

"And what's your reason for staying with her?"

"Because... I can, I don't have to give you a reason."

"That's what I'm trying to say." Enji comments, sighing and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"See... I wasn't the best father when my kids were growing up... That's an understatement, I was a terrible father."

And now you're not sure if you feel uncomfortable, or glad that Enji is trying to actively explain his thought process. It seemed like he was trying to fix something.

"So, unfortunately my son likes to do things that I disapprove of. All I'm hoping is that Shoto isn't dating you just because he knows I don't like it."

"That's enough." Was all Shoto said as he stood up. He was done with it because if he stayed any longer, he was going to burn the dining table down.

"Shoto, do you really see yourself with this girl in the future?"

Ouch... Again.

"Whether I do or not is none of your business!"

"I am not trying to control you but you have to think for once about this." He continues, sighing but refusing to raise his voice at the boy.

"What am I supposed to be thinking about?!"

"The fact that it's not a good idea to mess with someone's feelings because you're mad at me."

"I wasn't even mad at you until you brought this up!"

"If you're willing to interfere in someone's life because of me, then you should reconsider how you feel about that person."

"This doesn't have anything to do with you! I'll be with her because I want to be!"

"So it has nothing to do with me then?"

"No! Not everything revolves around you!

"As I recall-"

"I don't care what you recall! I'll do what I want and marry whoever the hell I want!"

Marry? How cute, he misspoke and accidentally said he'd marry you... Wait.

"... Marry?" Enji asks, giving him a quick side eye before looking down at his untouched food.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, he slipped up! Lord have mercy he suddenly felt scared for his life.

"... I meant date... But that doesn't even matter because you're not getting the point!" Shoto yells, completely disregarding what he said.

Natsuo gasps, faintly remembering a bought engagement ring on a specific credit card that belonged to his father.

Fuyumi and Shoto both looked at him with a questionable stare, wondering why he sounded like he remembered something.

"That was a slip up wasn't it?" Natsuo asks and immediately Enji looks at Shoto with an almost disappointed yet angered expression. But at this moment, Shoto felt like he was caught in the biggest scandal since his mom poured hot water on his face.

"No, I misspoke-"

"No you didn't because three months ago-"

"Don't you dare." Shoto glared, suddenly feeling betrayed by his brother who knew about it and didn't confront him beforehand.

Natsuo wasn't speaking out on this because he was suddenly siding on his father's side. It was because he didn't think that his brother was even prepared for this, and he assumed that his father had bought the ring.

Obviously not.

"What?" Enji asks, looking between the two as Natsuo stands up.

"Three months ago there was this charge on your account for a very expensive piece of jewelry."

And he was gone, Shoto immediately helped you up and went to go leave, gaining a concerned yelp from Fuyumi at how fast he was going.

"Shoto! Don't leave! What was it?!"

"Look at it yourself." Natsuo just shrugs his shoulders, his father is too quick to pull out his phone and try to figure out what was bought.

Natsuo quickly waves you and Shoto away since he knew his father was going to throw a big ass fit while

Fuyumi almost cried from the now ruined dinner. This was like the fifth time the last two months that something would happen. So you waved at her with a small smile in hopes of making her feel better.

Quickly Shoto takes your hand and literally books it out of the house. Once he closes the door when you come out, you can't even stop him as he keeps running.

"Shoto! I can't run as fast as you, what's going on?" You pant out, trying to catch up to him as he keeps running at a fast pace.

He's just literally running down the street of the neighborhood, like he was going to end up somewhere better.

"Shoto! You're acting like a teenager!" You yell, as if it was some sort of bad thing or insult.

"I am a teenager." He replies, watching as you sigh and bend over to try and catch your breath.

"What's going on Shoto? And why are you running?" You question in annoyance, looking at the direction in which the two of you ran from and then back at him.

"Do you love me?" Shoto asks out of the blue, not knowing what else to say.

"Yes but that's not-"

"I'm sorry." He interrupted, not daring to look at you right now. He felt ashamed and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"... Sorry about what?"

"I'm scared because I think my old man's right. I'm not sure if I'm dating you because I love you or if I just hate him so much."

For some reason, watching him look down at the ground, almost as if he was formally apologizing to you made you feel sad for him.

"What do you mean?" You reply, trying to take his hand only for him to move away.

"I bought an engagement ring for you off of my father's credit card."

"... What?!"

"I did it because I wanted to prove to him that I will do what I want without his approval." He states, briefly looking up at you before looking back down. He was definitely ashamed.

"But, I'm worried because I didn't do it... For you... I did it in spite of him... I think he was right."

He took the stupid small white box out of his pocket and handed it to you. It was most definitely not a proper proposal but Shoto had no intention of proposing to you this way.

This was a declaration, that he was scared, that he wanted help from you because he wanted this relationship to be about you and him.

Not his father.

"I hate my father, so much." He started, finally looking at you and showing you how broken he was.

He was crying and you had never seen him do that before.

"I don't want to hate him, I want to forgive him... I want to love you, I think I love you. But I can't bear to just use you to make my father mad and then leave you."

"Do you want to leave me?" You ask, wanting to give him some sort of comfort, whether it be a hug or a kiss or something.

"No! But... I don't... I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to end up like him."

That was the real issue wasn't it?

He wasn't angry at his father for disapproving of you, he was upset when he bought the stupid ring. He didn't trust that he wouldn't end up like his father.

He blames everything on his father, his mother being in the hospital, his scar, his quirk, maybe even you. But he doesn't want to end up like him, he never wants that to happen.

He doesn't want to have a child that blames everything on him because he wasn't a good enough dad.

"Please... I... I don't know what to do." Shoto mumbled, finally getting engulfed by your embrace and holding on. He hoped that maybe, there was some sliver of a chance that this was actually love.

His mother says this is love, but he's still not sure. It wasn't like his parents love... Maybe it was its own love right? His own love. He prays it is because he doesn't want to leave you.

"I'm sorry!" He cries into your shoulder, trying to stop himself as he fully breaks down. How in the world was he going to keep you if he was like this.

"It's okay, cry as much as you need to."

And he cried for a bit, not too long because he didn't want to get your dress wet, but enough so that he could stop.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to do."

"It's okay, I think that you'll be a great man someday okay? So just try your hardest to keep on and I think you'll be okay, we're all only human after all."

He forgot about you being so comfortable. He knew you were one to forgive everyone. You still put healthy boundaries around you but you would be the type of person to forgive his father.

You rubbed his back a little bit before letting him go. You swear you tried to be serious in this moment but instead you cackled like an idiot.

"I can't believe you bought this off of your dad's credit card!" You yelled out, bursting in laughter as you gave him another hug.

It wasn't that big of a deal... Well it was but he wasn't going to die.

"Here." You start, handing him the box only for him to push it back you.

"I may have bought it because of my dad... But I bought it for you." He starts, wanting you to keep it as he wipes his cheek.

"I'm not saying that I'm ready for anything like marriage yet... But I would like you to keep it for now."

"Okay sir." You chuckled, taking a hold of his hand and walking with him. That was until you felt pain in your side.

"Damn you made me run." You grumble as you hold your side, causing Shoto to laugh at you and start running away.

"Don't screw around with me!" You yell, trying to catch up with him by just jogging.

"I'm just running." He laughed, turning around as he watched you sit down on the road and eventually roll over on your back.

Shortly, Shoto sits down on the road and lays down next to you, watching the sky and hopefully calming himself down.

"It's so quiet in your neighborhood."

"Yeah... It is, almost no one is around."

"Hey, can you promise me something?" You ask Shoto, turning in his direction and looking at him with a soft smile.

"What is it?" He looks in your eyes and for some reason, he feels warm even though it's kinda cold outside.

"If you do lose feelings for me, please tell me, that way I know."

"Wouldn't that hurt you?" He asked, feeling nervous from the sudden question.

"Yes, but it would hurt less than you lying to me." Was all you said as you looked back up into the sky.

"... Alright, I promise."

"If you don't lose feelings for me, then maybe you can marry me with the ring."

"Sure." He blushes, thinking about how stupid he was to buy the thing.

"At least it's a nice box."

"Haha! You like just the box?" Shoto questions, giggling as you sit up and look at the box.

"Yeah, I haven't opened it yet... Can I open it?"

"Yeah."

You slowly open the box as if there would be a spider in it before you fully opened it and saw it.

It was a very pretty ring, it had a small, dark blue gemstone right in the middle of it. It was the shape of a circle and you could see the small crystal placements on the band around the blue gem.

"It's beautiful... How much did it cost?"

"About a quarter of a million."

"What?! You gotta give it back while you still have time to do so!" You wheeze out, almost dying at that moment from how much he paid...

Well, how much his father paid for the ring.

"No... I want you to have it, even if I don't marry you."

"I can't possibly keep-"

"Please... Please keep it." Shoto replied sitting next to you and unfortunately looking at you with the cutest yet serious expression.

How could you say no to the poor baby?!

"... Okay."

"Alright."

"..."

"Hey... I think I love you."

"I love you too Shoto."

...

"Did anyone plan on doing hero work today!?" Ida asks, chopping his hands around with a loud voice to get everyone's attention.

"Um... No, why would we do that when it's Sunday?" Mineta comments as he rolls his eyes at the question.

"Well, it seems as though someone is scheduled with Endeavor today, Todoroki do you know anything about this?!"

All of a sudden, Shoto chokes on his drink. He looks like a sheet of paper pail and he can't hide behind you because you're at work and he's at the dorms.

"Shit." Shoto mumbled out, immediately tossing the plastic cup he had in the trash and not bothering to answer any questions.

His dad probably wanted that ring.

"Um dude, you good?" Kaminari watches as Shoto puts his shoes on and tries to think of an escape route.

"Damn, Endeavor looks mad, what happened?!" Mina yells out to Todoroki as he runs into the elevator, smacking his head on the closed walls before grumbling and heading to the stairs.

"Todoroki-kun what did you do?!"

Quickly Midoriya runs after Shoto to stop him, followed by Bakugou who really didn't want to be doing hero work on the weekend.

"It's too early for this in the morning damn Icy Hot! I'm not doing patrol so what the hell did you do!"

"I may or may not have spent a lot of money for an engagement ring on my dad's credit card."

"An engagement ring!?" Almost everyone in the commen room yells out, absolutely baffled at what they just heard.

Who you tryna marry?!" Bakugou asks, almost flabbergasted at what he just said.

"... No one, I just wanted to piss him off since it was a lot of money."

Don't worry, he'll tell them all about you later.

"Like how much?" Midoriya can't help but ask. He shouldn't have asked.

"Like... A quarter of a million."

Midoriya has to cover his mouth to refrain from choking on his own tongue while Bakugou can't help but laugh.

Unfortunately his laugh had to be a full on cackle.

"I didn't think you were one for chaos icy hot! I'll help you do whatever now! You can jump out my window for all I care!"

"Then please help me with that." Shoto almost begs, not willing to deal with his mistakes just yet.

"Gladly you half and half bastard!"

"Todoroki-kun you make us look poor!" Uraraka cryed out as she leans against the couch while being comforted by Tsyu.

"Bakugou man, we can't condone this! Let him be a man and face what he did wrong head on!" Kirishima yells, trying to stop them as both Shoto and Bakugou run up the stairs.

"He's right Kacchan, we can't just-"

"Shut up Deku! I know what I'm doing!"

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five-rivers · 8 months ago

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My Kingdom of Fish poll fic! Continued from here.

(Also for Dannymay Day 6: Immortal AU, because KoF is one!)

But Danny had already started to reach for the badge with the lantern symbol, entranced by its curlicues and the graceful curve of the glass. The librarian took this as him pointing, and swept all the other badges off the table.

“So, um,” said Danny, rubbing the back of his neck, “what kind of an alteration are we talking about, here?” He could practically feel his parents glaring at him, for all that he was a whole dimension away.

“The lantern is the symbol of light,” said the librarian. “That’s what it gives you. Extra light.”

A pretty minor transformation, then, compared to other places he’d been. “Anything else I should know about? Side effects? Library rules?”

“Your Library of Tongues card says you’re a minor.”

“I mean, when I got it, but that was years ago. I’m over eighteen.”

The librarian looked at him skeptically. “Chronologically, perhaps. Board policy restricts minors from accessing age-inappropriate topics. These topics include, but are not limited to, certain sexual and reproductive material, details of portal mechanics and construction, duplication, decomposition of human bodies, summoning rituals, except for instructions on how to prevent oneself from being summoned, metaphysical or core bonding, except for prevention methods, coming of age rituals, customs, and rites, and any similar rituals restricted to adults. Do you accept these restrictions?”

“I’m not sure how I’m going to tell if something includes one of those things without looking at it,” said Danny, rocking back slightly. “Why are portals restricted, anyway?” he asked, echoing a question from his Dad.

“Because they are exceedingly dangerous and liable to end people. But you won’t need to figure out what is disallowed yourself.” She held up a roll of stickers. Most of them were generic circles, but the one on the end was a cute little cluster of stars. In the center of the largest star, the word ‘MINOR’ was written. “We add these to minors’ badges. They’re linked to an effect that will prevent you from entering the relevant areas.”

“Oh, that’s alright, then,” said Danny. It grated, a little, but he had more or less accepted that ghosts, much like his parents, were never going to see him as a full adult.

Partially, unfortunately, because he never would be.

The librarian stuck the sticker on the badge. “As for other rules,” she began, “common courtesy applies. No fights. Capturing pests like dire bookworms is fine. No damage to the library. Food items should not leave marked areas. Do not attempt to remove books from the library.” She tapped the visitor’s badge against the counter and began to make another note on her pad of paper. “And be quiet, or the lost ones might take you, I suppose.”

Danny’s eyebrows went up. “Lost ones?”

“A legend,” said the librarian. “Every so often, a story circulates about people becoming permanently lost in the lower levels of the library. I’ve never seen evidence of anything of the sort happening. We do send out search parties for those guests who fail to leave when their time is up. Speaking of which, if you manage to get lost, you will be required to take two aids on your next visit.”

The librarian finished writing her note and inserted it into a slot on her desk. “The copyists’ room has been informed that you will be arriving and your preferences regarding the translation. They will give you the book you will be translating.” She held the visitor’s badge out to Danny. “Clip this to the front of your clothes and try not to lose it. It’s much more tedious to undo the alterations when you leave if you don’t have it.”

“They don’t just disappear when you leave?” asked Danny. That was unusual. Most transformations like this were location-dependent.

“They do, eventually, but since they aren’t entirely natural, they tend to stick a little more. So. Don’t lose the badge.” She wiggled the badge a little.

Danny took it and briefly searched for a part of himself that wasn’t covered with equipment and would fit the badge. It was harder than he’d thought it would be, but he managed.

The transformation hit almost immediately.

Most of the glow a ghost produced wasn’t in their skin, but their aura, hovering less than an inch above it. Danny’s aura flared and billowed out, going from moon-like to a luminous nimbus Danny could probably read by.

Actually, Danny reflected as his aura stretched out even further, pulling gently but firmly on his core, someone twenty or thirty feet away could read comfortably in this much light.

His parents exclaimed over the change in brightness and ecto-energy readings, the light no doubt whiting out their video.

He swayed slightly, and blinked hard as some mechanism in his eyes and perception shifted to accommodate the light. He reached out to the counter to steady himself, and was surprised when his hand hit not the counter, but the wall. Somehow, the equipment he had so carefully put on felt loose, precarious, as if he was going to–

At the last minute, he managed to catch the complex camera rig and lower it to the ground. Then, he decided that sitting down would be good for him, too. He put his head between his knees as best he could, stripping off a few more pieces of recording equipment to do so, and waited for the waves of dizziness to pass.

Finally, he looked up. He could see down the long reception room as easily as before, but it was much better illuminated now. He held his hand up in front of himself. The first thing he noticed was how light seemed to trail after it, a sort of neon afterimage, almost like something in a video game.

Then, he noticed how small it was.

He jumped to his feet, then off them, so he could properly grasp at the counter. He only vaguely noticed that his usual jumpsuit had been replaced with loose pants and a smock that fell to his knees. His hands left glowing prints on the wood.

“You didn’t tell me I was going to shrink!” he hissed.

The librarian held up her hands. “Usually, it’s not quite so severe.” Her eyes practically twinkled. “But you must admit, that it is much easier to tell who is a minor at a glance, this way.”

Danny huffed, drew his eyes down over himself again, then deliberately flew in front of the cameras, light trailing behind him, lingering in the air like ink in water. “How old do I look right now?” he asked his parents.

“Oh, dear,” said Maddie.

“I was never good with ages,” said Jack.

“Five, I think. You looked like this when you started school. Danny, maybe you should come home.”

“I already made the deal to translate, backing out would be bad form.” He looked around at the equipment he’d shed during his transformation. “I’m probably not going to be able to bring most of this, though… It won’t fit, and my arms just aren’t big enough to grab on to everything.” Although, he could probably drag it around with telekinesis. That required an awful lot of concentration, though, and he wasn’t sure he could manage it.

“You can leave what you can’t take in here,” said the librarian. “We have a coat room for just such a purpose.”

Well, that was one problem solved. Now he just had to decide what he could take. The Fenton Phones, of course, since they still fit alright in his ears, but what else?

#danny phantom #poll fic #dannymay #dannymay 2024 #kingdom of fish #choose your own adventure

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laughhardrunfastbekindsblog · 3 months ago

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You know what, I have to get this off my chest so here's my essay on why Anakin and Padme's relationship in Attack of the Clones singlehandedly sinks not only Episode II, but detracts from the entire prequel trilogy.

Here's the thing: the prequels are a tragedy, chronicling Anakin Skywalker's lamentable fall to the Dark Side and becoming Darth Vader. But the movies spend SO. MUCH. TIME. foreshadowing Anakin's fall, we never really get to see him be a hero. (I will always be immensely grateful to The Clone Wars for giving us this desperately needed characterization for Anakin).

The same applies to Anakin/Padme's relationship. Their romance should be a tragedy, and really the only way to make something tragic is to make the audience root for it to succeed in the first place.

But their relationship as depicted in the movies is so toxic and covered in red flags I can't root for it to succeed. (And Anakin himself is already apparently one breath away from going full Dark Side so there's no chance to root for him either.)

Side note about "I don't like sand" since the problems with their romance often get chalked up to "Anakin is awkward" : "Awkwardness" could have worked, because awkwardness CAN be sweet and endearing when it's coming from someone who is shown to be kind and compassionate (see: Tech in general, but also with Phee). But Anakin, 10 years after TPM, isn't depicted in AotC as truly kind or compassionate or anything even approximating heroic until maybe the Battle of Geonosis at the very end of the movie. So yeah, Anakin being an idiot young adult when talking to a girl he likes is understandable; it's all his other behavior that is absolutely unacceptable.

Just a few "highlights:"

- Padme covers the cams in her room because she doesn't want Anakin watching her, then directly calls out Anakin for the looks he's giving her and tells him it's making her uncomfortable... And Anakin's response is creepy smile and then later he persists in talking to her about how he dreams about her etc and so forth.

^ Oh, if only the above or similar had been the actual scene...

- Inexplicably (and out of character for the Padme we got to know in TPM), Padme just... rolls with it and lets Anakin continue the creepy behavior she just told him she didn't like? Okay, guess we're reinforcing the idea that when women say "no" they don't ACTUALLY mean "no," persistence always wins, just gotta keep trying no matter what the woman says.

- Anakin strokes Padme's bare skin (she still hasn't said anything to indicate she's okay with this kind of attention), and she kisses him before pulling away and expressing regret over it. Since there's no other explanation given for Padme's sudden attraction to Anakin, we're left to assume that Padme must have been hiding her feelings for him from the get-go and therefore it must have been right for Anakin to keep testing her boundaries (do I really need to spell out how deeply problematic this messaging is??).

- Padme tells Anakin a relationship isn't feasible. (I have frequently come across comments on her "dominatrix dress" in this scene because apparently if a woman is going to turn down a man she has to plan on wearing, what, a burlap sack I guess, so the guy doesn't "get the wrong impression"). Anakin then shuffles full responsibility for his feelings onto her because of "the kiss she shouldn't have given him."

- Anakin commits one mistake and bad decision and egregious crime after another in the movie, as noted above it's not until Geonosis that he makes any decision that could be marginally considered heroic or "good," and... Padme likes this awful behavior, apparently?? Where did Padme liking this come from??? (If you're going to have freakin' rational smart independent kick-butt PADME fall for something like this, at least explain/show WHY.)

- By the time we get to the "We're about to die so yeah I totally love you" cliche, I'm not even cringing anymore because I'm just trying to figure out how we got to this point in the first place.

So... Yeah, we keep being told this is an epic tragic romance, and all I can see is two hours' worth of indicators that if Padme were my real-life friend, I'd be holding an intervention long before Anakin got assigned to her security detail on Naboo. FOR FORCE'S SAKE, PADME, HE'S BEEN THROWING UP NOTHING BUT RED FLAGS! RED MEANS STOP!!!

Again, this isn't just "Anakin doesn't know how to talk to girls because he was raised as a space monk." (Come on, people, Obi Wan was raised the same way and he does NOT act like that... But I digress.) This is Anakin being a creepy stalker who doesn't listen to the woman he supposedly loves and won't take no for an answer, and he ends up rewarded for it, and we're supposed to cheer him and Padme on and want them to be together?

No. Not me, at least.

And with this as the backstory going into Revenge of the Sith, with us never getting the chance (in the movies) to see Anakin at his best even with the woman he supposedly loves, Anakin's fall doesn't really feel tragic - it just feels... inevitable. His fall is plenty tragic and regrettable for the Jedi and clones and the Republic in general, of course; but with respect to how Anakin's demise affects him, it just hits as being a long time coming.

(At the end of the day, the only reason why I tolerate Anakin/Padme in TCW is because I actively ignore everything about their relationship from AotC. TCW also did such a stellar job showing enough of Anakin's good side contrasted with his darker tendencies that Anakin's fall in RotS now finally hits me as tragic for Anakin in particular. And the only reason why I rewatch AotC is for Obi Wan and the Yoda v Dooku fight, I almost always skip over 90% of the "romance" scenes at this point because I don't like gagging while watching a movie.)

#star wars #star wars prequels #star wars attack of the clones #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #the clone wars #the clone wars makes the prequel trilogy SO much better #fandom salt #star wars analysis

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missjanjie · 3 hours ago

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The Heart May Freeze (Or it Can Burn) | Fic Exchange

so! here is my contribution to this year's fic exchange <3 im really happy to see everyone's participation and hope everyone has enjoyed the process. this year, my fic is for @thecollectionsof so i rly hope u like it!!!

Ship: Crygi (Crystal/Gigi) Rating: Teen Word Count: 1304 TWs: Drug use

and yes... this did kinda end up being a 'light my candle' songfic

“Ah, shit,” Crystal murmured as she looked at her phone. It would be in the low forties for the rest of the night, not the most ideal time to have a power outage, but she was grateful she wasn’t stuck without heat during a Missouri winter. She sighed as she put her phone on low-power mode and slid it into the pocket of her sweatpants. The silence compounded the Christmas loneliness, but she knew if she gave into it, she’d be miserable even after the lights came back on.

The boredom she was anticipating hadn’t even set in when she heard a knock at the door. She figured it was the property manager or handyman, so when she opened the door to a skinny, blonde girl that she loosely recognized as her neighbor. “Oh, you’re…” Her brows knitted together as she tried to recall her name, but her train of thought ventured off the tracks when she noticed the girl was only wearing a cropped tube top and mini skirt. “You’re shivering.”

“Well, yes. It’s cold,” the blonde replied flippantly. “Do you have an extra flashlight or anything?”

Crystal ushered her inside before answering, closing the door behind them. “Yeah, hold on, let me grab you a sweatshirt first.” She quickly ducked into her bedroom and came back with a tye-dye hoodie, offering it out.

“Thanks,” she smiled and pulled it on. “I’m Gigi, by the way. I live across the hall.”

She nodded and replied, “Crystal.”

Gigi tilted her head, then shrugged. “That’s not really my thing, but I know a guy that can hook you–”

“My name is Crystal,” she laughed. “If I wanted to do meth, I wouldn’t have left Missouri.”

“Oh! You’re from the Midwest. So am I, I’m from Illinois. I moved here for college, but that wasn’t for me. Then I got into modeling, which is, like, so much fun. For the most part, anyway. Do you work? I mean, obviously you work. No one can afford to live here without working. Well, unless you have rich parents or–”

“Woah, hey, slow down.” Crystal blinked rapidly as she tried to absorb any of what Gigi was saying, which proved to be difficult as she was talking a mile a minute. “Why don’t you sit down? Those shoes can’t be comfortable,” she remarked, gesturing to the six-inch stilettos on her feet before guiding her to sit on the couch. “Let me go look for another flashlight,” she said before disappearing back into her room.

Gigi sat still for roughly ten seconds before taking off her shoes and curiously wandering around the apartment. She was fascinated by the eclectic decor cluttering the space, the unique colors and shapes entrancing her as if she were a baby watching an adult jingling keys in front of her.

As Crystal exited her room, she remarked, “I found this one.” She took a half-step back when it seemed like she spooked Gigi. “Sorry, um, I found this. It’s a little small, but it should be fine,” she explained as she held it out to her.

She just grinned, seemingly unfazed as she took the flashlight. “Thanks! I like all of your tchotchkes and stuff, by the way. Where do you find all of it?”

“Thanks, I’ve either thrifted or made most of it.”

Gigi nodded as she listened, though she was becoming increasingly jittery, eyes darting around the room as she bounced on her feet. “Can I use your bathroom?” As soon as Crystal nodded and pointed her in the right direction, she ran in. But after barely a minute, she rushed back out, cursing under her breath as she ran to her apartment.

Crystal blinked, trying to process whatever just happened. She glanced down, noticing the pair of stilettos that Gigi came in wearing, which only made the whole situation seem more bizarre. Though it did prevent her from being surprised when she barged right back in about five minutes later. “Hey, you left your–”

“Oh!” She perked up and looked over at her, only for her expression to immediately drop when she realized it wasn’t what she was looking for. “Oh. Right,” she murmured and took her shoes.

As she leaned down to put on her heels, she started to look around. “I think that I dropped my stash,” she mumbled, forgoing her shoes again, this time to look for it. “Little baggie of… sugar. It’s important,” she explained, then huffed, “help me look!”

Crystal let out an exasperated sigh. It wasn’t her first encounter with someone on coke, though she noticed the high was much shorter than she had assumed if she was already jonesing for more. But her train of thought stalled as her eyes raked over Gigi’s body. It started at her hair, how it nearly seemed to sparkle under the moonlight and rest perfectly against her. Then slowly, her gaze started to drift.

“It’s not up my ass, I’d suggest looking elsewhere,” Gigi chuckled, sitting on the backs of her legs and looking up to her. “Come on, I’m not gonna see my guy til New Year’s Day.”

She clicked her tongue and helped her up. “Why don’t you forget that stuff? You look like you’re nineteen.”

“Why thank you,” she chirped, wearing the mistake as a badge of honor. “I’m twenty-two. I finished college. Kinda. I’m basically an adult, mature for my age,” she winked.

Crystal couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “How long have the old men that buy your blow been telling you that for, huh?” She guided her back down to the couch. In the process, she noticed a small plastic baggie underfoot and tried to pick it up as subtly as possible and tucked it into the pocket of her sweats.

“What was that?”

“Oh, it’s just a… candy bar wrapper,” she replied flippantly as she sat down and picked the flashlight back up, pressing the switch a few times, brows furrowing more each time. “Shit, battery’s dead.”

“Our eyes will adjust,” Gigi hummed airily. “Look at how bright the moon is.”

Crystal looked out the window. “Pretty sure those are the lights from Grauman’s. They’re doing a Christmas movie showing tonight.”

She scoffed. “You’re no fun,” she murmured, but cuddled up to her regardless.

“You’re freezing,” she frowned, wrapping her arms around the smaller woman, her hand resting just under the fabric of her hoodie and realizing just how thin the material of her dress was, like it could disintegrate under her touch. Frankly, she felt similar about Gigi herself, that neither seemed to have any idea how close they were to falling apart. “And you’re too much fun, so let’s call it even,” she chuckled dryly.

Gigi shifted from cuddling next to Crystal to lying on top of her, carding her fingers through the mess of curly hair. “Then I guess we’ll just have to meet somewhere in the middle,” she smirked.

Crystal couldn’t respond before Gigi was kissing her. Against her better judgement, she kissed back. Her arms wrapped around her, rubbing her back as their tongues swirled together. It had been longer than she was willing to admit since someone had kissed her like that, and her body was craving it, melting into it for as long as her body would allow.

When Gigi pulled back, her smirk was even broader. “We should do this again sometime.” As she sat back, she held up the baggie she had slipped back out of Crystal’s pocket. She got up and grabbed her shoes, deciding to carry them out. “Come see me sometime, you know where to find me,” she winked as she headed to the door.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, groaning as she got up. She looked at her and despite herself, smiled. “Yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas, Gigi.”

#crygi #fic exchange

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pathologicalrunaway · 25 days ago

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so, i wrote a thing. about alef. it's a tiny one shot with no beginning or continuation and it's filled with my headcanons. yeah. i don't have an ao3 so i'm gonna put it here

it's alef-centric with a (kinda?) unreliable narrator, a bit angsty and that's basically it. idk what to add here

oh and it also includes drinking. just in case

the text is below the cut

"Well, it happens. People fall out sometimes. And it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Or a good one. It just is."

Silence follows. They will be grateful, next morning, when arranging blurry memories in their head into a more or less logical sequence, that they weren't too drunk to lose their ability to lie, and regret having drunk enough to start talking too openly for their own liking.

"Talking to birds again? Still an islander, as I see."

Their interlocutor immediately flies away, scared by the new voice.

"Not anymore," Alef mutters, still in bird language: a nice way to keep secrets from eavesdroppers. Though they wish they had a method of doing so that would not include being seen as an islander.

The railing makes a screeching noise as the other figure leans against it, shifting their weight. They are as graceful as always, and Alef wishes they were not.

"You should get it fixed, you know."

"Why? Too much work for a place only you use. Not a wise investment, eh?"

Their eyes start to travel lazily over the details of the other's attire while waiting for an answer. When it becomes clear there will not be one, they change the topic.

"Drinking from the bottle? Gross."

Their hands reach the bottle and stay there for a second before Alef passes it with a quiet sigh. They take a swig directly from the bottle, too.

"Where's your sibling?" Alef asks, their eyes darting to the bottle only to set back on the sunset.

"Down there. Being the responsible adult and doing your job," they play with the bottle, "they asked me to tell you we're cancelling your coronation if you disappear like this again."

"Cancelling my coronation? After all the money we've spent? Not sure they're the responsible one here."

Sah laughs a little as a small smile creeps onto their interlocutor's face.

"You've not been yourself the whole evening," Sah adds after a pause, rocking the bottle on the railing with a finger, "What's got into you?"

A sigh. They'll regret this. Maybe they already do.

"You know perfectly well I hate all the smiling-waving-looking-pretty thing. It's exhausting and, frankly speaking, boring as hell."

"I doubt there's a single person in the whole constellation who enjoys it. It's crucial though. Especially now," they move a step closer and pass the bottle back, "the more you smile-wave-look-pretty, the less people will doubt you when you're king. We've already had enough rumours about your incompetence when you became prince. People thought you were too young."

A humourless laugh.

"Weren't you one of those claiming crowning me had been a mistake?" a smile that does not reach their eyes. But they have got good at hiding it.

"Ah, well, it was a long time ago. You've proven to be more than suitable since then."

Suitable for what? Tossing around like a ragdoll? Alef thinks bitterly, bites their lip a little in order not to say it out loud. At least soon they will be king. Two more weeks and they will be the one standing above the elders. Their opinion will be the one to matter. They will be the one bossing around.

"What of Daleth, by the way? Did they agree to participate in the ceremony?"

The bottle slips out of their hand and almost falls down from the balcony. This misstep almost costs them their entire façade that they have been crafting cautiously for years.

"Stars, how much'd you have?" a shadow of worry crosses Sah's face. Alef isn't there to notice it, too busy trying to regain composure. They have an excuse, at least.

"Not that much," not enough, "I guess it's just lack of sleep. Been really busy lately."

Sah hums in acknowledgement, giving up on their attempt to establish eye-to-eye contact with the person next to them and turning to watch the sun go down as well.

"Did Daleth agree?"

"No. Some things have come up in Isle."

"Will they attend at least?"

Only to keep up appearances. They hate confrontation and public conflicts. They would not dare create a drama.

"They'll try."

"Good."

They stand there in silence for a while. Alef grips the bottle with as much force as they can apply without breaking it. They are grateful they are wearing gloves: the white knuckles could have given away their inner turmoil.

But then they remember the reason why they have to actually wear gloves and they are not grateful anymore. Just tired again.

They did not even ask. Did not have to: Daleth would not agree to participate. Would not agree to them becoming king. To any of their innovations. And all because two workers had died in an accident.

But then again, they were old. They did not see beauty in progress. They did not see how it could — and did — improve lives. They only saw that it made birds change their migration route and caused the unfortunate death of two innocent miners.

Yet they ignored the death of half a dozen innocent children, Alef thought with a tinge of unwanted sorrow as six faces emerged in their mind.

They had to squeeze their eyes shut and wait for the screams to fade away.

"Need a lift home?" Sah asks as night starts painting the sky dark blue. "No point in going back now that the event's almost over. I'll take the burden of being yelled at by Mekh in your place. You can use our portal if you don't want to make a fuss."

A moment of hesitation.

"Thank you, but I won't be going back to Isle. I decided to settle in Eden."

"Already?" they ask in disbelief. Alef does not blame them: they are no less surprised themself.

"Yeah. The castle is mostly ready. I don't see why I should dawdle. It's only two weeks to the coronation, after all."

Sah watches them, as if trying to read their expression. Unreadable.

"Good old teleportation then? Not too drunk for it?"

"Good old teleportation."

Alef turns on their heels and concentrates, as a while semi-transparent beam of light appears in front of them.

"Tried to keep it secret, eh?"

A tired smile that would have been a scowl if they did not know better how to behave around elders. Including the ones close to them. Closeness is a tricky thing when it comes to elders.

"Too early for a sensation."

"Yeah, you're right, I guess. Good night."

"Good night."

They step into the beam.

"Tell Mekh the alcohol's shit."

They know it is the kind of thing that will make Sah laugh.

"Glad to see you're back to normal."

They do not answer. They have forgotten a long time ago what normality feels like.

The beam transports them to their new home, big and cold and empty. With no birds, no childhood memories and no beautiful sunrises. But it is a reasonable price to pay for a better future, both for them and for the whole kingdom.

They trip over a stone while going up the stairs, swear in bird and feel sick immediately for doing so.

They go back to Valley to grab another bottle to make the night more bearable.

It does not help. Not really. But they have got good at hiding it.

#sky children of the light #sky cotl #king resh #sky cotl resh #prince alef #sky cotl alef #samekh #valley elders #also i'm not a native speaker so apologies if there are any mistakes!#runaway writes #should i make an ao3 account? will i ever write anything else? who knows

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characterswithcolorsnamesfight · 9 months ago

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If you haven't filled the survey completely yet, can you please send in [Phenomena by Ruben Eliassen] which Azur is from among the novels? The Norwegian publisher is treating it like crap these days and print fewer and fewer copies rather than celebrating its 22nd anniversary and being grateful for it being one of the first (and best) Norwegian fantasy book series. It was the one that made people start taking the genre seriously in Norway so it'll be depressing if it just disappears..!

Cool things for it's time and still is:

The hero has a love interest, the heroine doesn't, the author has later said that she's an aroace lesbian.

A 12-year old girl becomes friends with a guy in his 20s, they do not end up together and stay friends for the rest of the series.

The author manages show don't tell in a book, and discusses the weird misogyny that was around in the 2000s rather than acting like it never happened.

While there's unfortunately some implied r**e, are the ones doing it not glorified or end up with their victims. One of the victims is a man and treated as just as terrible as the other one and is never joked about.

One tribe that were used as slaves take the cousin tribe of the tribe that kept them as slaves as their slaves, this isn't treated as okay.

Adults aren't always right.

The protagonists both have ADHD but are presented as intelligent in their own ways despite being twins.

Is just very good.

Oh sure ! This seems really promising and rather woke for a 2000s book (some of you need serious updating and should come with special warnings but we love you 2000s series)

Here's the survey for those who'd like to help ! Reminder : we're talking about Phenomena by Ruben Eliassen (Norwegian book) and Ragnarok by Odin Helgheim (Norwegian comic). All hail Norway !

(Just a thought from someone whose country has a heavy colonial past : Not sure the "ex slaves turn easily into oppressors when given power" is actually a good take since I believe the "they'll do the same to us if given the occasion/as revenge on us" was the kind of saying used to oppose the end of slavery. It doesn't mean the book doesn't have great takes or that the author and readers are racist, just that it's possibly a poor/clumsy take)

You had me at twins with different personalities ! (I'm joking, I was into it when you said fantasy from Norway and I realized I didn't know what Northern fantasy looked like as a genre) If they translate it, I'll do my best to get my twin to read the copy I'll get

Funnily enough, my favorite kid/young teen series is a French series who never had been translated which title is Phaenomen (from the Latin noun, all the chapters have a Latin title). It's about kids with different kinds of disabilities (unnamed but quite reminescent of autism and other mental or physical disorders -with a supplementary 'magical/sciency' touch but I promise no magical superhealing stuff- : dyspraxia, hypermnesia, migraines, hyperfixations, hypersensitivity to light, difficulties to communicate, anger management issues etc.) who flee the special needs type of clinic they're in and find themselves in quite a lot of trouble as they try to survive together as a makeshift family and run from some powerful Templar sect who's taken an interest in their uncommon abilities (special vision, superspeed, soul manipulation... all are the other sides of their disabilities)

It's been a while since I've last read it but I used to reread it several times a year. Some stuff in it might be problematic (ableism-wise) but I also have autistic friends who love the series too

If anyone else wants to mention childhood/teenagehood/pasthood reads not translated into English from their own countries, don't hesitate ! (Also works for movies, games and whatnot)

#not polls #asks and answers #phenomena #norway #norwegian #norwegian culture #les petites annonces

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whentranslatorscry · 2 years ago

Text

Hitagi Honeymoon

007

“Hey Oikura, I'm going on a honeymoon to Tochigi with Hitagi tomorrow, would you like to come along?”

“Die.”

“You shouldn't tell a twenty-four-year-old to die.”

“I had too many things to say, so I simply and succinctly said ‘die.’ I didn't want to speak more than one word to you. But, I'm an adult too, so let me organize and list my objections one by one: don't invite me on a honeymoon, don't invite me the day before, and I hate you. Hate the hate with hate by hate for hate to hate at hate of hate.”

“What? You came to the wedding, didn't you? That was the first time I saw you dressed up. You looked fantastic.”

“I attended as a friend of the bride. Don't address me so casually, you married man. Don't say ‘fantastic’ without any sincerity.”

“Can't you take time off? Just for three days.”

“When will you stop thinking like a college student? I have work. Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the day after that, and the following day, and the day after that and the one after that and even the day after that. I may have unpaid leave but no paid leave.”

“You should retire, just say you're sick and need to be hospitalized.”

“Don't try to put me in a hospital. Even if every page of my schedule book was blank, I would eternally refuse to go on a trip with Araragi.”

“Which Araragi is that, though?”

“It should go without saying. It's not at all complicated. I'll continue to call Senjougahara-san by her maiden name. After all, she's going to get a divorce soon anyway.”

“Ahahaha. So, about that.”

“Don't ignore my curse.”

“I have thoughts about us sharing the same surname. Well, I knew it was a sudden invitation and you might not come, but if I didn't at least give it a try, I thought you’d be complaining later.”

“Don't make me out to be someone so troublesome.”

“Huh? Why not?”

“If you're asking if I don't like being called a troublesome person because I am one, the answer is yes.”

“You really are troublesome.”

“Even if I had an appointment booked six months in advance, I still wouldn't go.”

“Your schedule is packed all the way to half a year later. That's amazing for a town hall worker.”

“Ah, isn’t this just like you? Even after getting married, you never quite become an adult.”

“Well, now that I have a family of my own, I thought we’d have a close-knit family relationship with you from now on…”

“Impossible. I don't have a family.”

“"That was tactless of me. My apologies. Let me formally apologize for what I just said. However, you did accept and witness our marriage registration, so you're practically quasi-family to us as a married couple?”

“No, that was part of my job. What even is a quasi-family?”

“Witnessing for us was part of your job too?”

“Senjougahara-san, who ended up with a guy like you who barely understands how to fill out paperwork, brought the marriage form without a name listed for the witness. So I reluctantly lent my name just so it could be processed.”

“We are very happy and grateful for that, but it's also kind of worrying that you might end up becoming a co-signer for someone's debt someday like this.”

“Don't worry. If I were to become a co-signer, the debt review would not even pass.”

“What kind of past do you have?”

“A turbulent one. My credit history is a mess. My name got changed and reset once, but still.”

“Oh?”

“Haven’t I mentioned that? No no, you just forgot as usual, Araragi. When we first met by some mistake, I wasn't Oikura.”

“Was that so? Oh right, I think Ougi-chan mentioned something like that, maybe she didn't—”

“Who's Ougi-chan? Another new addition of the Araragi Girls? She wasn't at the wedding.”

“She's stuck at school, unfortunately, so couldn't make it to Tochigi…Oh, I see. You didn't idolize Euler just because you were Oikura. You loved mathematics even before the Old Oikura began.”

"Old Oikura or not, it's still me—it's just a change in the name.”

"I see, that makes sense."

"What other cases could there be?"

"Well, I feel like for some people, their name really shapes them. Like me - having the name 'Koyomi' makes me want to become a historic figure."

“Your 'koyomi' and 'history' use different kanji.”¹

“No way.”

“How embarrassing it is to think that someone like you is representing Japan and training in America. I wonder if I should revoke your working visa with my authority.”

“Are you such a powerful figure? I can't believe someone so capable could be exploited like this. I'm not exactly representing Japan and training at the FBI Academy or anything.”

“So you've always been a student."

“Don't you worry about me. I'm enjoying my eternal life, oh, I mean eternal moratorium.”

“You’re not exactly living up to your name. Not turning the pages of the calendar.”

“You have a way with words. In that sense, you’ve grown up, just like your name suggests.”

“How annoying. I know that when I was attending Naoetsu High School, people were badmouthing me behind my back, calling me 'Oikura Sodatanai.'”²

“I didn't know that… I know you were called 'How Much,' but why 'Sodatanai’?”

“Then I've just revealed some unnecessary information. Senjougahara-san told me about it some time ago.”

“She might be the source of that rumor. If it was during our first year of high school.”

“How can that be, when I looked after that sickly girl without holding back anything?”

“She loved to talk bad about people she liked. And she didn't speak ill of those she wasn't interested in.”

“It was just a lovely little tsundere moment, that nickname, wasn’t it.”

“Oh, for the first time in my life, I heard you praise someone, although it was such a simple compliment.”

“Is it just Senjougahara where you're going?”

"Well, despite everything going on, my schedule is getting packed. It's only a two night, three day trip but…I've got to catch a flight to Washington on the fourth day."

"You should be the one taking time off. I'm sure they'll understand over there."

"Even though I've been pulled every which way, I'm still technically in training. The wedding itself was quite the forced march…and with everything commission-based at work, I can't take too much time off."

"Sounds like a tough work environment all around. I definitely wouldn't go, but as a witness I'll be happy to proofread your honeymoon itinerary. What's the roadmap looking like?"

"It's nice getting your corrections again."

"I doubt you remember back when I used to proofread your work."

“I remember, maths fairy.”

"Want me to send you to an early grave?"

"You're the only one who could raise me up or put me six feet under. Anyway, no way around the two night, three day schedule, so I've had to drop some places like Ashikaga, but there are still a few spots we just can't miss."

"You should build in some wiggle room on a trip like this. Otherwise it'll be too jam-packed."

"You're probably right. We're driving back and forth to squeeze it all in."

"Driving instead of taking the bullet train? Why? You want to be jammed in while stuck in traffic too? Haven't you heard of traffic jams?"

“Don't shoot down the idea all at once. I did suggest the bullet train, but Hitagi-san really wants to drive.”

“Right.”

"Ever since high school, she got her license on the sly before she even graduated. She's just that kind of person, you know? I heard about this mountain pass called Irohazaka from someone else, she said she really wants to try."

"They'll rescind her license for that."

"Well, that's a problem for day two. On the first day we're going to Nasu Highlands. There's something I need to see there-- the Killing Stone."

“Killing Stone? On your honeymoon?”

"I know how that sounds, but it's not like I'm excited to see the Killing Stone itself. That's just incidental. The main thing is I want to go glamping. It's really trendy right now. Barbecues, hot springs, a nice relaxing experience-- that's what I'm looking for."

"No amount of barbecues or hot springs can offset a place as ominous as the Killing Stone. If you're not excited about it, then who is?"

"The next day after having nasuben in Nasu, we'll go down from the highlands to Nikko. We'll see the Sleeping Cat at Nikko Toshogu Shrine."

"Not answering my question at all. The Sleeping Cat… to commemorate Hanekawa-san, I assume?"

“She's not dead. Hanekawa is still alive… probably. But I read about it in the guidebook-- apparently there is a bird carved into the back of the Sleeping Cat. Cat with wings. It made me wonder if Nikko Toshogu Shrine was the inspiration for Hanekawa's character."

"Surely you're not going just to see that-- it's a World Heritage Site. You should try to learn something other than math, you know."

"Along with Nikko Toshogu Shrine, Futarasan Shrine nearby is also a World Heritage Site, and it's famous for being a shrine for matchmaking, so I'll be sure to properly visit and pray there too."

"Ah, now it's sounding more like a honeymoon. Finally."

“I also heard there's a huge sword, Nenekirimaru, at Chugushi Shrine near Lake Chuzenji, so if possible, I’d like to show… uh, see it too.”

“Suddenly you're acting all suspicious. I feel like there are opinions from lots of different people mixed in. Are you two really deciding this just between yourselves?”

“As you can see by me asking for your opinion like this, I do want to take in lots of different views-- that's just the democratic sort I am.”

“Hmm… smells fishy… I'll launch a negative campaign against you if you run.”

“What an unpleasant threat.”

“So you want to climb Irohazaka to get a look at that big sword?”

“I'd love to ride one of those swan boats on Lake Chuzenji if they've got any going. We talked about climbing Mt Nantai too but it looks like you need to submit a climbing plan for mountains at that level, so I dropped that idea.”

“It'd be great if you got lost and died up there. Just you, mind.”

“Well, if that's what you want I could make it happen, but if there are casualties it causes trouble for the mountain. I don't want to upset nature. So I'll drive carefully on Irohazaka. And if we've got time after that I want to see Kegon Falls and Ryuzu Falls before heading to Senjougahara while there's still daylight.”

“Why's that? To see the stars?”

“I'm going along with Hitagi's idea that it'll be an anticlimax if we can see stars before we get to Senjougahara. She wants us to watch the sun slowly set when we get there, spot the first star, and then spend the whole night gazing at the starry sky.”

“Rather than stargazing, it sounds like serious amateur astronomy. What, we're camping out the second night too?”

“The second night we sleep in the car.”

“Hardcore.”

“To be honest, when I suggested it I was planning we'd look at the stars for a couple of hours then head to a hotel. Apparently it's got some nice ones. But when I asked, Hitagi said it was her lifelong dream-- to look at the stars all night long, without blinking. So it's full-on hardcore stargazing.”

“She really is a romantic. And you just casually invite me on some crazy tough trip.”

“When we die, we die together, Oikura.”

"Death comes for us all eventually, I suppose. I won't deny the allure of stargazing, but unless it's a meteor shower or a lunar eclipse, can you really spend a whole night just staring at the sky without getting bored? I've spent my life looking at the ground, so I don't really understand it."

“Don't casually mention such sad things…”

"I've stomped on the ground all my life imagining it was you.”

“Don't casually mentions such scary things either… But the stars keep moving relentlessly, you know. It's like timelapse photography- or fixed point observation, I guess… They may not be shooting stars, but if I can make even one person's wish come true, I've no complaints. Except for the other guys, that is."

“Other guys?”

“Oh, I just mean there might be other tourists there stargazing too.”

"Maybe, it being a weekday and all… I won't call it a bad hobby, but I can't imagine those starry-eyed stargazers sticking it out all night. Even if it's summer, it must get freezing spending a night on Senjougahara, right? It's pretty high up there."

“Is it? I thought it was a marsh, so I imagined it was quite flat.”

“What was that about climbing Irohazaka?”

“Oh right… I'd better take precautions against the cold then. That's good advice. You really let your guard down, Oikura.”

“I thought Senjougahara-san wouldn’t overlook something like that. What's the plan for the last day after stargazing all night at Senjougahara?”

"I'm keeping that day open, as a buffer. If all goes well, we'll finish up with one last stargazing session, then head home. But I don't anticipate a trouble-free trip, traveling with me and all."

“How lame… With you, Araragi, you’re not so much a troublemaker, but more like a firestarter.”

“So what do you think about our honeymoon roadmap?”

“It isn't over until you get back home.”

“What do you mean?”

“After spending the entire night stargazing, descending Irohazaka seems to be a risky proposal, no matter who drives.”

“We'll be fine. It's not like we'll be drinking while watching the stars, and we'd already have traveled the path once on the way up.”

“But you wouldn’t have. You're ill-informed, Araragi. The ascent and descent of Irohazaka are two separate paths.”

“Ah, I think I recall hearing that from… someone else.”

“What someone?”

“A fanged someone.”

“What's that supposed to mean? I haven't been there myself, but if the geography class I took in college was accurate, the ascent should be Irohazaka no. 2, and the descent Irohazaka no. 1.”

“The ascent is the second slope? We must view the mountain peak as the starting point, I see. The seat of the gods.”

“The forty-eight syllables on the slope are counted from the bottom up. Anyway, drive safely. Before descending, make sure to take a nap. Apart from one major concern, that's pretty much all I wanted to say.”

“There's something bigger than a traffic accident? You should've led with that!”

“If mentioning the ominous Killing Stone was simply a side note, then I assume the main events of the honeymoon are the glamping on the first night and stargazing on the second, right?”

“Well, yeah. I'm looking forward to Toshogu Shrine and the Nenekirimaru, but it's actually my first time going on a trip with Hitagi. That’s why those two are something I centered on.”

“Have you checked the weather forecast?”

“Huh?”

“What if it rains?”

I was stopped dead in my tracks.

Prev Chapter | Next Chapter

Comparison of 暦, koyomi (calendar), and the first kanji in 歴史, history.

Sodachi is a verb meaning “to grow”, and sodatanai is its negative form. This joke was actually first made in Owarimonogatari audio commentary narrated by Sodachi and Hitagi. That is the conversation Sodachi references shortly after.

翼Tsubasa=wing.

#ikusamonogatari #monogatari series #translation #sodachi oikura #araragi koyomi

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diggity-bomb · 11 months ago

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Now that I know I have an audience I would like to say this.

You guys use people. Simple. You guys are so afraid to be alone that you find someone to give you the attention you guys always crave for. If you deny this you guys are more delusional than I thought.

Especially you. You used me so much for years. The most codependent person I have ever met. Again, I know for a fact you will twist it around but lets go back to your actions. Someone left you. You reached out to people that you knew would forgive and forget. I should have learned my lesson. Then you did the same thing to me years ago 2x in one year. Just moving on to the next. Still after everything that happened to you recently you still don't know how to be a proper friend. Pretty talented honestly.

You never take any sort of accountability for your actions when you hurt others. Something you need to learn is actions speak louder than words. Just bc its fancy big words doesn't make it right for what you did.

Two things you need to learn 1. to be independent. Find yourself. And 2. practice what you preach. Take accountability and apologize when you hurt others. If you think that you can justify your actions and think whatever you did to hurt this person doesn't need your sincere apology it shows how selfish you are. (oh wait you never apologize to me ever)

You. Grow up. I'm sorry you hate yourself so much that you have to hurt the people around you to make yourself feel better. You can believe whatever you want to think that I was so awful to you or ruined your life blah blah blah. We both know all the things I did for you. I really appreciated you but should have known.

Now you. I want you to never think you are ever a good friend to anyone ever. I never want to hear you say I hurt you while you failed to speak the fuck up about your emotions or big feelings. Whatever excuse you have its exactly that, an excuse.

Yes, you were there for me when I was in a very toxic relationship where he pushed me to the point where I lost a lot of my friends. Grateful for that you were a friend. Or I thought so.

Its crazy to me that you made our friendship seem like the worst thing that has ever happened to you. When I believe we pushed each to be better people. You helped me through my awful relationship and I helped you learn to become an adult.

And whats crazy to me is you fucked me over so hard in so many different ways in the span of I want to say 4 months and we were friends for 7 years.

I guess when you get laid for the first time you are like a lost puppy and will just follow and listen to your owner whatever they say. (I would know I stayed with someone way too long bc they were my first) crazy it seems like there is a pattern here...

Anywho.... you fucking kept secrets from me, talked shit behind my back, told people you were just telling me what I want to hear, you never spoke up even tho I know you didn't agree with your owner, and you stabbed me in the back.

Then when it came to we say our peace you basically said you only are doing this so you can hang out with them together. Like think about that for a good second you are so fucking whipped and selfish for doing that. I was basically like not a human to you.

I sure as hell hope you start trying to become an adult. Get your shit together. Hang around people above the age of 25. Work actually full time and not leave early or bitch about it. Move out, pay rent, pay bills, you know adult things. Think about it, you are reaching a big number and I know you got some big feelings for that. Do some action, like genuinely grow up.

Now I know "omg she is playing victim like always" lol. I have always took accountability for my actions and apologized if it hurt you. Did I explain my reasoning for these actions yes. But i'm not using it as excuse its so you have better understanding. And guess what I did apologize for these certain actions. I know my problems and issues and I know that its going to take time to reach the goal so they can go away.

I hope one thing that gets taken away from this is learn to put yourself in other people shoes. I have done that with every single one of you and didn't care to do so with me.

Well I hope you asshats the best.

Grow up and get a life. (:

#personal

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killiansorrel · 1 year ago

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continuing off of my last post about the crappy social services college professor lol

the college i went to had a booklet of activities throughout the year that you can participate in either for fun/socializing or for points as extra credit in whatever class you needed them for. these activities included going to cultural events, lectures, snowshoeing/hiking, etc. if i remember correctly, only certain classes partook in this. at the beginning of the semester, my professor let us know that her class was part of those that accepted points, which i kept in mind and let my mom know (because at the time, I didn't have a driver's license). so we made note of the ones i could partake in without stressing me tf out and would work with both our schedules

throughout the semester, the assignments she would give us made me realize that because of my age, i actually might fail the class. i was supposed to go sit in at meetings for aa, dv, etc and that required signing a form. which, if you didn't know, you have to be 18 to do (at least in alaska, idk about anywhere else). i did my best on all the assignments and tests but i was definitely not doing the best. i was sitting at a high D to mid C, most of the time, no matter how hard i tried. and the last assignment was going to be a doozy because it required me to (surprise) sit in at a meeting with a local organization and sign a form to say I won't tell any sensitive details. which i somehow was able to do anyways because the ladies i met up with were very sweet and trusting and let me sit in anyways, and i will forever be grateful for that. but just in case, i went to a cultural event and a snowshoeing activity for extra credit. and when i presented it to my professor? she said she did not accept campus activity points for extra credit. what. the. fuck.

so of course i panicked and told my mom and she was piiiiissed but ultimately decided to let me figure out what i wanted to do because i was becoming an adult. i came to the conclusion to drop the class because my teacher was horrible and i was too young to do what i needed to do for the class. so i emailed the schoolboard or whatever and begged them to let me drop it. of course i still tried my hardest in class just in case they didn't give me the choice to drop it. and i actually did quite well from that point on, i had a high C to low B going on for a while and was considering pushing through anyways. it wasn't the last assignment and I can't remember what it was on but i was in the room ready to turn it in and i got the email saying i could drop the class, i just had to send confirmation. i left the classroom, called my mom, and we agreed i should push through since there was only like 2-3 weeks left. i came in before class started and went to my professor, energetic and proud of myself for choosing to push on

"hey so i know i was going to drop this class but I've decided to push through and do my best! i left the classroom but there's still 5 minutes left and i have the essay that due today finished. can i still turn it in?"

"no"

are you fucking kidding me. why not??? it's not like i was even late to turning it in!! so i got a zero on it and had sent confirmation that i did NOT want to drop the class, so my grade dropped. a lot. of course i was distraught and stressed the whole class. i told my mom about it after and she was so furious and she regrets not giving my professor a piece of her mind to this day. quite frankly i should have broken my teacher's kneecaps

but it's fine, whatever, I'll just kill it on this next assignment- oh shit right, i need to sit in a meeting, fuuuuuuck. but it turned out okay cause they let me in despite my age and i got the essay done and it was actually okay enough to get a mid C. good enough to pass, especially since she announced to the class like a week before it was due that campus activity points ARE accepted for extra credit points so i slammed my proof down and demanded they be applied to my grade. and they did. and after my essay was input, my final grade for the semester was about a 72% if i recall correctly, it was a low C. good enough for me, i wash my hadns of this experience- oH WAIT HERE'S SOME MORE BULLSHIT

right before the final grade for the semester got submitted, she CHANGED my essay score from a mid C to JUST LOW ENOUGH to get my final grade at a 69.7%. JUST BELOW A C. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. i still technically passed. but i KNOW she did that shit on purpose and she is forever in my deathnote for it

plus she got up in my face aggressively one time and I don't remember the details of that too well because i was holding myself back from uppercutting tf outta her. i already have a personal bubble but when you get aggressive? immediate reaction is to fight, my ADHD anger does not play. but uh yeah. fuck college and especially fuck that bitch fr

#college #autism #trauma #anxiety #adhd

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casspurrjoybell-17 · 2 years ago

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HEART'S FATE - CHAPTER 19

*Warning: Adult Content*

On the ride home, Flora Hunter regales them with the tale of her first Shift, her words tumbling over each other in her eager excitement.

Martin Hunter listens, enjoying the second-hand happiness of a father's pride but another kind of happiness fills him as well.

He glances over at Skylar West as he drives, his father's words replaying in his mind.

"Don't hold on to pain, Martin," Alpha Joseph Hunter had said as he hugged his son goodbye.

"Life is too short.”

Martin had heard such words before but until this morning, he hadn't been ready to listen.

It seemed like his father had shrank a little in the last year, his frame frail and light even compared to Martin’s.

As Joseph embraced his son with the sparkle of tears in his eyes, Martin had looked past him and seen Miguel watching them and at last, father to father, he had understood that when he punish himself, he hurt those who love him as well.

No matter what they'd done, Martin wouldn't want his children to suffer as he has and he may have unknowingly caused his father more pain by staying away from him than by anything else he'd done.

So he told his father that he loved him and returned his embrace, allowing Martin to be forgiven or at least take a step in that direction.

It wouldn't happen overnight but he already felt better than he had in a very long time.

He wasn't ready to Shift, just yet but his inner wolf stirred a little, as if just waking up from a long hibernation.

Skylar had played a part in that awakening and if Martin let him, he might play a greater role, still.

He may no longer trust his heart but Martin trusts the evidence before his eyes.

He'd seen the way Skylar played with Rio and Nico, how he listened to Miguel and how he treated Flora with the respect her maturity deserved.

As for himself, Martin never thought he'd so much as go on a date again but Sky had skipped over that, slipped past his defenses and literally moved right in.

Most importantly, Skylar liked the Hunter children and most impossibly, he seemed to like Martin, too.

Most surprisingly, Martin didn't mind at all, in fact, he'd already come to rely on him.

In just a few short weeks, he'd grown accustomed to waking up to freshly brewed coffee and an extra pair of hands helping the kids get ready for school.

He no longer worried about them when they left the house, as Skylar either walked with them or gave them a ride in his van.

The sound of the young man’s hammer and the whine of power tools had become a constant and comforting, background noise as Martin worked towards a deadline he'd have had no chance of meeting without the help.

Martin was immensely grateful for Skylar’s unexpected friendship and company and the last thing he wanted was to push him away.

He'd taken the single father by surprise when he kissed him out of the blue like that but he hadn't backed down after learning about Martin’s past or the fact he is a Wolf.

Could he be so lucky?

It seemed impossible that Martin could have met someone so perfect by pure accident but that's how fate works, he supposes.

A thing barely mended is the most breakable and he never thought he'd entrust it to anyone again but Skylar may already have his heart.

***

"Would you like to see it?" Skylar asks, startling Martin from his reverie.

"Pardon?"

"I was just saying I've put the finishing touches on the loft, if you'd like a peek."

"Oh."

Through the windshield, Martin sees that they've nearly arrived home.

"Once I get the kids settled, sure."

"Of course,"

Skylar nods and turns his attention back to the road but Martin notices that there's something a little distant in his tone.

"I'm sorry if it seemed I wasn't listening," Martin says.

"I guess I zoned out a bit, there."

"No. I understand. It's been a long night. You should go in and rest. I can show you the garage another time."

"No. I want to see it. I mean, if you still want to show it to me, that is."

Martin clears his throat and wills himself to stop talking as he’s reminded why never dating again had seemed like such a good idea.

Skylar casts him a sidelong look and smiles.

"As you wish. I'll show you whatever you like."

"What's he gonna show you, Daddy?" Nico asks, as Martin turns away to hide a flush of embarrassment.

"I wanna see it, too."

"Me, too. Me, too." Rio says.

"Nobody's seeing anything until you've had a bath and a nap. That goes for all of you and if you want to watch movies or play games later, you'll do as I say," Martin adds, cutting off the collective groans that greet this proclamation.

"I'll show you all something very special," Skylar says, "But only if you listen to your father."

This tantalizing promise has the desired effect and no more objections are raised.

When they arrive home, the Hunter children grab their things and dash inside, while their father follows at a slower pace.

Skylar doesn't follow, telling Martin to join him when he’s ready.

Despite having slept in, Nico and Rio were up well past their bedtime the night before and are tired enough to fall asleep within minutes once they're clean and tucked into bed.

Having stayed up all night, Flora and Miguel are old enough to appreciate a few more hours of sleep and each retreat to their bedroom after a quick shower.

Martin rinses off as well and then, after donning a fresh set of clothes and checking in on his kids, heads out to find Skylar, who is waiting for him in front of the garage, arms crossed and leaning casually against the exterior wall.

Skylar pushes himself away as Martin approaches and greets him with a smile.

It looks as if he's cleaned up a bit as well, his long hair still slightly damp from a wash.

Piles of lumber, sheets of plywood and various tools clutter the space in front of the garage but the little building looks better already.

Skylar has painted it to match the house, fixed up the walkway and taken out the large garage door, replacing it with a solid wall.

The little side door, which now serves as the primary entrance, has also been replaced with something much nicer than the cheap press-board one the place had come with.

As Skylar opens it and leads Martin inside, he can't help but frown at the new flag-stone entryway and wood-panel floors.

"You're not spending too much, I hope," Martin says, eyeing the stylish light fixtures warily.

"You're only supposed to spend what you would in rent, remember?"

"I'm investing," Skylar says easily.

"I'm going to live here and I want to live somewhere nice."

“Still...”

The place is mostly unfurnished, as yet, with no interior walls but an area has already been transformed into a simple, yet spacious, bath.

The large, corner tub looks like it would fit two, easily.

Blushing at the unbidden thought of Skylar making use of it, Martin turns his attention to the steps leading to the loft.

"So, what did you want to show me?" Martin asks.

"Come and see."

He smiles and leads the way upstairs.

Martin follows and at the top step, draws a breath of surprise.

Given that Skylar's putting in all the work, Martin had told him he could have a free hand with the interior design.

It seems like the art teacher had taken that to heart.

He'd gone with an oceanic theme, Martin perceives, with driftwood colored floors and sea-glass blue walls.

The accents, baseboards and window frames and such, are a delicate wave-foam white.

The only furnishings so far are an enormous bed with pillows and coverings in the same palette, with a sea chest at its foot.

"This is..."

Martin blinks and turns in a slow circle.

He had imagined this as a five-year project but Sky has gotten farther in one month than he had in twelve.

"When did you do all this?"

"While you were working," he says with a smile.

"Being a semi-employed art teacher leaves me with plenty of free time."

"And money?"

Martin raises his brows at him, know from experience that even a trip to IKEA can put you back a few grand.

Skylar shrugs.

"I've had little to spend it on before now. So, don't worry, Martin," he says, placing a hand on Martin’s arm.

"I've contributed no more and no less, than I wanted to."

“But...”

Martin turns and finds himself staring up into a pair of entrancing green eyes.

"But nothing," Skylar says softly.

"I like it here and... I like you. So I'll ask properly, this time. Are the kids asleep?"

Blinking in surprise at the unexpected question, Martin nods, still caught in the tidal pull of Skylar’s gaze, who smiles, his eyes sparkling with secret amusement like the sun on water.

"Good. Well, then, Martin Hunter. Do you like me, too?"

He nods and this time, when Skylar moves forward to kiss him, Martin meets him half way.

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shawnjacksonsbs · 9 months ago

Text

"Far be it from me, and forgive me for asking, and I don't mean to pry, but would you consider yourself a happy person?" 4-13-24

"How many of us, I wonder, can recall a childhood moment when we experienced happiness as a state of being? That single moment of untarnished joy. That moment when everything in our world, inside and out, was all right. Everything was all right. But, now, we've become a colony of adults and everything is all wrong, all the time. It's as if we're on a quest to get it back and yet the more we focus on our own personal happiness, the more it eludes us. In fact, it's only when we are otherwise engaged, you know, focused, absorbed, inspired, communicating, discovering, learning, dancing, for heaven's sake, that we experience happiness as a by-product, a side-effect. Oh no. We should concern ourselves not so much with the pursuit of happiness, but, with the happiness of pursuit." - Professor Coreman from Hector and the Search for Happiness

I watched.

I watched Hector expecting, eh. . .

but he ended up finding his silver (-ish).

I learned, what most probably already know, most of us don't have the money or the means to go all- eat, pray, love in the search for happiness.

We have to try and find it here, in our . . .stuckness, which is inherently part of the problem in itself.

A little traveling and moving can work wonders on those of us who needed a journey of discovery to find our truth.

I am one of the fortunate ones in that respect. I think I'm somewhere between the poor inner urban kid/poor white trash kid from the country - and that eat, pray, love shit. Lol no lol

~some notes, not edited:

Writing all the time letting you all know how I found it.

May not even work for some of you.

Do you even know what makes you happy?

And are you a happy person?

~more, unedited:

Happiness, just like the rest of my emotional states are . . .varying and in bouts, with peace and joy at the pulpit.

~even more:

Happiness as a state of being probably hasn't existed inside of me since before the fear of knowing "life's not forever" really took hold of me.

Early childhood, probably. It's been bouts ever since.

What is happiness?

Are you happy?

Ask me as a question looking back on a limited amount of my time, and my answer will be yes . . .now.

That wasn't always so.

In the now, it may or may not be, but inevitably, it's always on a rising curve, for grading purposes. At least it has been for about the last 10 years or so. Lol no lol

Ever changing, ever learning, ever growing, and of course, ever grateful.

Almost, always, like as almost to always as you can get without being actual always, I am at peace.

It feels so . . .always most of the time.

Its close enough to constant for me to say, always.

~end of notes.

Hector and the Search for Happiness did play me. I shouldn't have prejudged. I hoped it would be good and it surpassed that. I really liked it.

Instead of one final quote at the end, I'm going to share Hector's list from his journey. If you get a chance go watch the movie. Let me know whatcha think.

Remember to share your love and your laughter with all the rest of us.

And please be kind as always as possible. Civility is only the back up plan. Lol

Until next time;

"1. Making comparisons can spoil your happiness.

2. A lot of people think happiness means being richer or more important.

3. Many people only see happiness in their future.

4. Happiness could be the freedom to love more than one woman at the same time.

5. Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story.

6. Avoiding unhappiness is not the road to happiness.

7. Does this person bring you predominantly a. up b. down?

8. Happiness is answering your calling.

9. Happiness is being loved for who you are.

10. Sweet Potato Stew!

11. Fear is an impediment to happiness.

12. Happiness is feeling completely alive.

13. Happiness is knowing how to celebrate.

14. Listening is loving.

15. Nostalgia is not what it used to be." - Hector

0 notes

fahrni · 2 years ago

Text

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning. I got to sleep in a bit this morning and I’m grateful for it.

It’s wet and rainy this morning which has turned my garden steps project into a muddy mess so I won’t be working on that today. We’ll see how it looks Sunday morning.

In the meantime I hope you enjoy the links as much as I’m enjoying my coffee. ☕️

The Washington Post

Former president Donald Trump warned early Friday of “potential death & destruction” if he is charged in Manhattan in a criminal case related to alleged hush-money payments to adult-film actress Stormy Daniels to conceal an affair.

As much as I’d rather not waste time on this asshole I feel the need to.

TFG is the target in four separate investigations. Of which this is the least of them. A teensy part of me would like to see this one put on the back burner and one of the more serious crimes prosecuted, say election interference in Georgia or stealing Government documents — including Top Secret documents.

Should the whole paying the porn star off with campaign money go unpunished? No. The law is the law and nobody, not even an ex-President, is above it.

If he’s arrested I hope he is perp walked out of wherever he is. Yes, I’m being very petty, but this man has stomped on the law his entire life and walked away unscathed. It’s time he paid the piper.

And if you think it’s better not to arrest him because he’s asking his supporters to be violent then you don’t understand all we’re doing is postponing the inevitable. See my earlier mention of three other cases he’s involved in. ⚖️

CNN

TikTok CEO Shou Zi Chew will appear later Thursday before US lawmakers, many of whom want the app banned in the United States because of the risk they say it presents to national security. The clamor for a sale is growing louder again.

Politics aside I feel like there is a technical solution to be had here. A 100% Western clone of TikTok running in the United States that cannot interact with TikTok in China. Run it as two companies doing similar things, including the Western version having its own cut of all source code and developed separately. The code would eventually diverge into something different on both sides.

I can’t see spinning it out to be an option and China can certainly hurt some large American companies in retaliation, Apple anyone? 🍎

It’s a real sticky situation. It’s a little ironic Apple may be in control of the system that excludes TikTok from the App Store if Congress passes laws banning it, not to mention Google doing the same for Android.

We’re gonna have a lot of pissed off teenagers in the States. 🤬

New Scientist

Mathematicians have discovered a single shape that can be used to cover a surface completely without ever creating a repeating pattern.

I would love to have a shower done using this pattern. 🎨

The Iconfactory

You’ll see a lot of problems with SwiftUI mentioned in these posts, but the overall experience was wonderful. This new way of building apps gets a wholehearted recommendation from our entire team: designers and developers alike.

I know I’m constantly talking about The Iconfactory. Why not? They’re an amazing group of folks who build beautiful, fun, applications for Mac and iOS and Wallaroo is no exception. I’ve been a subscriber since it shipped and rotate my wallpaper often. 🦘

I’m looking forward to the Mac release.

Oh, this snippet is from part one of a series so make sure to check out the other parts. They’re a great read for any Apple loving developer.🧰

Rogue Amoeba

Even 18 years on, I find this story rather terrifying. If not for an offhand conversation in which we had no involvement, things could have turned out very differently for our company.

It’s a short story well worth the time to read if you do anything with audio on your Mac. And by anything I mean listening to music or podcasts. 😃

The Conversation

This message of inclusion becomes even clearer when Jesus is later confronted by a single scribe (12:28). In answer to the scribe’s question on the most important laws, Jesus summarised the theological ethic of his gospel: love of God and love of neighbour (12:29-31).

Once again I make my case that Jesus was woke. In the end wokeness means love and equality for all. Jesus taught that. I 100% believe that. ❤️

David Smith

Widgetsmith has just achieved a remarkable milestone, surpassing 100 million downloads since its launch in September 2020. A number that I can’t really wrap my mind around. A number larger than the population of all but 14 countries (🤯).

I don’t know David personally but from all I’ve heard about him he’s one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet and I’m thrilled for him!

Congratulations! 🥳

Sourcegraph

In one shot, ChatGPT has produced completely working code from a sloppy English description! With voice input wired up, I could have written this program by asking my computer to do it.

I’ve been a little late to jump into the “AI” fray. It’s seems to be at peak hype and I’m still studying it. Part of me sees using it as cheating. Part of me sees it as a great way to learn. Two competing thoughts. I think it’s healthy and I expect to start using some of this tooling in the very near future for code projects. 🤖

I also wish the term AI wasn’t used for this stuff. It’s not the sentient form we’ve discussed in stories from Asimov’s The Bicentennial Man to the manipulative and ultimately murderous Ava from Ex Machina.

I know, those are robotic forms, but they’re what come to mind when I think AI. A form you recognize and can interact with as you would with any other human being.

It also makes me wonder where The Singularity fits in.

Mac Rumors

In a post on Twitter, Schiffer said that Apple is now actively tracking in-person attendance using badge records and will give employees “escalating warnings” if they don’t come in the required three times per week.

It sounds like the economic downturn is about to hit Apple. Having mandates like this that ultimately result in termination is a simple way to let go of people without announcing you’re slashing jobs.

All of this in the name of Shareholder value makes me kind of sick to my stomach. Yet another case of the rich becoming richer at the expense of common folk.

0 notes

whoacanada · 3 years ago

Text

(Hey, look! That Zimbits AU where Jack goes into PR after retiring from the NHL and NHL!Bitty comes looking for advice about coming out!)

“Your ten-o-clock, remember?” April gestures to the conference room with her pen. “The cutie the Hurricanes coughed up for Pride Night outreach? He’s here.”

Jack tugs down the blinds with a cautious finger and zeroes in on the handsome blonde sitting awkwardly at one end of their large conference table, conspicuously alone. “There’s always suits for outreach talks,” Jack hazards, looking back at his receptionist over his shoulder. “They never send players alone.”

“It’s what we’ve got on the books. Eric Bittle, Carolina Hurricanes. No plus ones.” April whispers, checking her calendar. “Well? Get in there, Boss; and buckle up, he’s got an accent.”

Eric Bittle looks up, his dark brown eyes wide and unfairly attractive as Jack extends his hand, Bittle rising to take it. Everything about Bittle is polished and perfected; suit tailored, hair coiffed so neatly Jack would posit he’d gone in to have it trimmed before he’d arrived this morning. He’s pulled together so tightly, in fact, that Jack can’t find any loose threads, and if he remembers his time in The Show correctly, no loose threads means Mr. Bittle’s probably hiding something.

“Eric? I’m Jack Zimmermann. It’s great to meet you.”

“Oh, I know who you are,” Bittle chuckles, and Jack’s heart would skip a beat if he wasn’t so certain there’s a huge piece of context still missing from this meeting. “It’s still very nice to meet you in person.”

“So, tell me about Pride Night,” Jack pops the button on his suit jacket and settles down across the table. “What, exactly are the ‘Canes thinking about doing that involves you coming to see us?”

Bittle bites his lip briefly, gaze darting off before coming back to settle on Jack, and Jack is reminded of so many media training sessions it’s like he’s back in Vegas again.

“I may have, ah, fudged the reason for my visit a bit. Yes, we have Pride Night coming up, yes I’m the designated sacrifice, but I’m more here on personal business.”

Jack eases the tip of his pen from the legal pad, recognizing an off-the-record admission is coming. “How personal?” He questions. “Are we talking potential legal trouble or just potential social trouble? Or no trouble at all.”

“I’m gay.” Bittle says plainly. “Whatever trouble that may be. My team knows it, my family knows it, and I want to come out — I need to come out — and I can’t mess it up.”

Jack is grateful for his game face, reaching for the coffee carafe near him to couch his surprise and no small measure of his excitement. “Oh, you mean like I did?” Jack jokes, earning a soft smile.

“No active player has come out since you retired,” Eric skirts Jack’s comment, taking the mug before gingerly amending, “Not voluntarily, at least. I’d like to break that streak. Given your experience, and what you do now, it seemed like the smart move to come speak with you.”

“Well, I’ll be the first to admit my behavior didn’t lend itself to much confidence with the public at large, but that’s why I’m where I am today. Making sure people like you can learn from my mistakes.”

“And you made a lot of mistakes,” Bittle murmurs, taking the mug from Jack gingerly, glances back out the window as he takes a sip, and Jack fights a smile when he realizes what’s happening.

“Are you . . . chirping me?”

“Makes me less nervous,” Bittle admits, apologetic. “But that was rude, I’m sorry.”

Bittle’s eyes are bright. His smile is bright. Everything about him is warm, inviting. Jack might be biased, though, he’s always had a soft spot for compact blondes.

“Don’t apologize.” Jack leans back in his chair, feeling lighter than he has in weeks. “You might be the only one in the whole league right now that doesn’t need to apologize.”

“I think I need to have a partner,” Eric clears his throat. “I can’t come out without a reason, otherwise what’s the point.”

“That answers one of my first questions, gives us a place to start. Yes, a boyfriend gets you points, but not in the way you’re thinking. If you come out with a guy on your arm, the story becomes maintaining the relationship, not that you have one or that you are ‘out’ at all. The scandal is the relationship falling apart, or you flirting with a fan when you have your partner at home, that kind of drama.”

“And if I just say, ‘hello, I am a homosexual’ people will think I’m promiscuous, or just trying to get laid.”

“Maybe. Are you?”

Bittle’s expression turns indignant, lips twisting into a judgmental frown that reminds Jack of his grandmother before a scolding.

“What kind of question is that? Yes, of course, but they don’t need to know that. But that doesn’t — You know, you gave me hope?”

Jack doesn’t quite startle, he’s well beyond the jumpyness of his youth, but he has no clue where this conversation is about to go.

“When you came out, when you were drafted, your cup season . . . every time you succeeded, beat the odds, it made me think, maybe, I could do it, too. I could be a professional athlete, I could play hockey, and it didn’t matter who I wanted to be with.”

Jack knows there’s a ‘but’ coming, he can feel it; so he gets there first.

“But . . . then I overdosed.”

“Then you retired.” Eric corrects. “Two years before I signed with Carolina, and you just gave up. I was going to be the first out NCAA men’s hockey captain, you ‘retired’ in scandal, and suddenly the trustees didn’t want the attention. Back to square one.”

“Eric, I wasn’t well.” Jack defends gently, knowing Bittle isn’t trying to be cruel.

“You let them get to you! You were supposed to be untouchable. I needed you to be untouchable.”

“Eric.”

“I’m sorry,” Bittle looks down at his hands, the table, anywhere but Jack. “I genuinely didn’t intend for any of this to come up so quickly, you’ve been nothing but charming and here I am dumping all my baggage on you like we’ve been talking for years . . . ”

“It’s actually alright. I’ve made peace with what happened to me, what I put myself through, and I wasn’t kidding that I’m very intent on making sure I can help others avoid the same pitfalls. So, what do you need from me right now?” Jack asks, genuinely curious. “An apology? A hug? You wouldn’t be the first to ask.”

“I want . . .” Bittle huffs, closing his eyes and evening his breathing. “I want dinner.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’ve loved the idea of you since I was sixteen, but now I actually need your advice on how to do this without losing my mind, and I can’t plan my future from a boardroom, so, I want you to take me to dinner. I want to hash this out like two normal, well functioning adult men. Also, maybe alcohol.”

“Speak for yourself on the well-functioning part,” Jack chirps himself, “but I think dinner can be arranged. I assure you, you’ll have my full support moving forward. The firm’s, as well.”

Bittle’s lips quirk, holding Jack’s gaze. He caught the slip, and now there’s nothing to do but own it. They lapse into a gentle silence. Jack sipping his coffee, Bittle doing the same. Jack isn’t sure what he’s waiting for, the puck is at the end of his stick. He flashes a smile. Bittle blushes.

“So,” Jack begins. “Do you like Burmese?”

____

They part ways and April’s eyes are huge with suspicion. “Should we discuss fees?” she asks. “Do we need to start billing? Sounds like it went well.”

“Nah, we’ll talk later about payment,” Jack replies, folding his jacket over his arm, hiding the slip of paper with Bittle’s personal number and trying not to stare as the forward walks away. “I have a strong feeling I might be handling this pro bono.”

#Zimbits #OMGCP #my stuff #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #PR AU #NHL!Bitty #tw: overdose mention #I know I’ve been gone forever here’s a treat to say sorry

454 notes · View notes

yourmidnightlover · 4 years ago

Text

decisions

summary - reader wants spencer's attention and gets it the one way she knows how to, leading to a long night, leading to soft aftercare

tw - smut, spitting, spanking, face-fucking, oral (male and female receiving), overstimulation, fingering, breeding kink, choking, squirting, slight subspace, subdrop, aftercare, dom!spencer

wc - 4,164

masterlist

———————————————————

decisions made in the past lead to things you could never think of. making the decision to wake up. making the decision to turn right instead of left. making the decision to tease your boyfriend.

and that very decision lead you to where you are now.

you remained face down in the bed, your back arched up as high as it would go - more like as high as spencer deemed it to go. your heart had been racing all night, really, you never got a break.

you and spencer had been in a committed relationship for almost two years now. spencer had become very dominant in the bedroom, and you truly didn't mind. you had all the proper precautions to take if necessary. you had discussed a safe word and hard boundaries. he wanted to let you know that you were safe with him, while in bed or otherwise.

spencer knew your body. he knew it, arguably, better than you did, which is why you were okay with submitting yourself fully and completely to the gorgeous man. he knew when you couldn't take anymore and when you needed to be loved on rather than spanked.

but earlier out with the team you had been a bad girl.

you were impatient, teasing spencer by letting your hand rest dangerously high on his thigh. you wore a dress that revealed more cleavage than most of your outfits. the thing that made spencer break was when you excused yourself to the bathroom, only to come back and place your panties, which were wet with your arousal, in spencer's lap with an innocent smile.

in an instant, his hand was on yours as he muttered some excuse to leave promptly. you couldn't deny the excitement that coursed through your veins at the thought of what he would do to you once you got home.

you sat in the passenger seat of the car, your thighs pressing together in attempt to relieve any tension that had been building since you saw him in his stupidly hot suit. he quickly brought his hand to your thighs, spreading them apart once more.

"no," he barked. "you've been a brat all night. you don't get to reward yourself. you'll see what happens to brats when we get home."

"i don't know..." you trailed off, wanting to push his buttons even further. "i think no matter what you do it'll be a reward for me."

"just wait until we get home to test that theory," he said in an eerily calm voice, his hands still separating your thighs.

in your mind, you had won. you had his attention on you just like you had practically begged for all night.

you barely got him to yourself nowadays. you were always on a case and when you weren't on a case you were out with the team or he was with derek. you hadn't had any adult, alone time in a little over a month, and you were getting needy. you had worn the outfit in attempt to just make spencer skip the dinner altogether, opting to just stay with you instead. turns out, he didn't really care about that either.

so, really, your brattiness was reasonable.

your loving dom wasn't giving you the attention you wanted so you got it yourself. no biggy.

"i want you to go inside," he growled as he put the car in park, "and strip for me. when i get in our bedroom you should be in position in wait. got it?"

"yes, sir," you nodded as you unbuckled your seatbelt, turning to get out.

"oh, and princess," you smirked at the nickname before turning around. "don't you dare touch yourself."

"y-yes, sir," you nodded once again as you made your way inside, leaving a trail of clothing once you closed the door.

you slid your jacket off first, placing it on the third step of the stairs and placing your heels on the top of them. you laid your dress down in the hallway and your bra once you walked into the room. you positioned yourself by kneeling in front of your full-length mirror, your gaze turned towards the floor in wait.

after what felt like ages, you heard the door creak open, followed by the footsteps of your boyfriend.

"what am i to do with you?" he questioned to himself.

you turned to see him standing over you, his pupils blown wide with lust from the sight of you so vulnerable... ready... submissive... his.

"did i say you could look at me, pet?" he barked as he bent down to grasp your chin firmly, opening your mouth for him to spit inside of it. "swallow, sweet girl," he grinned maniacally as he watched you gulp. "that's right."

he looked at you as if he were contemplating his purpose in life. with such intent and thought you knew you were in for it.

"get up," he rasped as he dragged you up by your chin, walking you over to the bed as he sat down. "bend over my lap," he ordered.

who were you to disobey?

"alright, princess," his hand trailed over the curve of your ass, squeezing the fat of your thighs once he got low enough. "i'm gonna spank you as much i feel necessary for your behavior tonight," he began. "i want you to count each one for me. follow the rules and use your safe word if necessary, alright?" his free hand came up to stroke your hair tenderly.

"yes, sir," you rasped. "i understand."

thwap!

"one," your hips wiggled around before he grabbed them, grounding them to his thighs to keep you still.

thwap!

"t-two," you numbered off, feeling the slight sting from his ring he wore on his pinky on occasion.

thwap!

"thr-three."

his lashes became harder and more frequent until he eventually let up, which was about after a total of 10 swats. by the time they were done you had tears and mascara streaking down your face.

"good girl," he praised as he admired the red marks left behind on your skin, some of them already bruising. "on your knees for me."

you quickly shuffled out of his lap and onto the floor, trying your best not to irritate the skin on your ass as he made his way in front of you. he undid the buttons on his shirt as well as his buckle, pulling his hard cock out and stroking it a few times before slapping it off on your cheek.

"open wide," he commanded before slamming his length into your mouth, not giving you a chance to get used to him before he thrust at a rapid pace. "fuck," he groaned. "this is what happens when my little slut decides to be a brat all night."

the sight before you made you wetter than you had been before. his head was thrown back in pleasure as his thrusts continued. tears were pricking the corners of your eyes, threatening to spill over while his hands flew to the back of your head, forcing his cock down deeper than before.

"only thing your mouth is good for, yea?" he groaned as he pulled on your hair. "only good for pleasing me when i want you to. you're my little fuck thing," you moaned around his dick in agreement, the tears now streaming down your face before he yanked you off of his cock. "lay down on your back on the bed."

you got up as quickly as you could, quickly admiring the quick bruising of your knees from kneeling on the hard floor before laying on the bed. you saw him take off his shirt and pants, leaving him just as naked as you.

"hmm," he paced to the bed slowly, making you wait even more before he finally ran his hand along your face. "what did you do wrong bunny?"

"i-i was impatient with you," you mumbled. "i teased you," you listed off. "i was mouthy," you poured, looking down at your hands to avoid his disappointed gaze.

"you're right," he agreed. "you misbehaved a lot tonight, princess," he ran his hand along your hair once more. "so you'll take whatever i give you and be grateful for it."

"i'll take whatever you give me and be grateful," you nodded, eager to do anything and everything he wanted.

he ran his hands down to your clit, rubbing it side to side gently, just how you like it. you immediately cling to his arm, keeping his closer to you as you pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

"that feel good?" he asked, "you like it when i touch you like this?"

"yes, yes. i like it so much," you moaned at the relief flossing through your veins. "please, sir."

"please what?"

"mmm, please let me cum!" you shouted, feeling so close to the edge from such little stimulation. "pleaasee?"

there was a split second when you thought he would grant you an orgasm. a split second when you felt that euphoria flood over you. then, in an instant, it was gone along with his hand.

"fucking hell!" you shouted at the frustration. you had been so close only for him to take it away.

"hey," he barked, grabbing your face and squeezing your cheeks together once more. "what did we say about you taking what i give you?"

"that i'll be grateful for it," you muttered underneath your breath, squeezing your thighs together to try to get that pleasure once more.

"exactly. and grateful little sluts like you don't get to complain," he reprimanded you, finally releasing your face as he slammed his fingers into your pussy at a relentless rate.

"oh my god!" you yelled, sucking on his shoulder to try and ground yourself.

"yea, you like being treated like a little whore, huh? you like me slamming into your tight little fucking pussy," he groaned into your ear. "i own this pussy. i use it when i want where i want."

"it's your pussy; you own me," you mumbled into his skin, your pussy tightening around his fingers.

"such a good play thing for me," he chuckled, curling his fingers to hit that special spot inside of you. "so eager to take whatever i give you."

"whatever you give me," you repeated back, not knowing what else to say as you felt that familiar feeling building inside of you quickly before he yanked his hand away.

instead of saying anything, you learned your lesson, you just whined from the loss. the feeling of his hand now gone entirely from your pussy.

"please, sir," you whined into his shoulder, your nails digging into the skin.

"not yet, princess," he kissed your cheek. "you're still in trouble for earlier. making me hard in front of all of our friends isn't cute, bunny."

"mmm," you kissed his skin once again. "'m really sorry, sir."

"i know you are," he laughed. "but that doesn't get you off the hook. your punishment isn't over yet."

"mm'kay," you sighed.

he finally, for the first time that night, brought his lips to yours as he crawled on top of you. he took your bottom lip between his, pulling away gently as you started grinding your core against his leg. he allowed you to do this, surprisingly, and only smiled against your lip at the feeling of your wet center on his leg.

to help you out a bit, he started grinding his leg against you, quickly building up the tension in your core once more. he could tell you were getting close when you began whining into his lips, your hands wringing the hair on the back of his neck.

and then he snapped his leg away. you bit down on his lips gently, not because you were upset - although you were, but because you were surprised from the sudden action. so this time he let it slide.

"i know, princess," he grinned once more at your disappointment before trailing kisses down your collarbone.

"'m so sorry, sir," you repeated once more. "'m sorry, 'm sorry," you continued on before his lips met with your center, you groaned out in pleasure.

"fuck, your pussy is so wet for me, so pretty," he blew over your core, your hips bucked up to meet his mouth once more, he let out a laugh at your eagerness.

"feels so good," you praised, your hands finding their rightful place in his hair and gently pulling it, he let out a groan into your pussy as he began eating you out like you hadn't already eaten dinner. "please, sir! please! 'm so close!" you ground your hips against his face. he entered two fingers inside of your pussy and curling them as he had earlier that night.

"let go, bunny," he smiled against you as you shouted in pure ecstasy, your hips grinding faster as his lips continued their attack on your clit.

"ugh, yes!" you moaned out. "thank you, sir. thank you so much," you said over and over like a mantra, too dumb to be able to say anything else.

"good job," spencer praised as he began kissing up your body, worshipping every once of it. "so pretty for me. my dumb little bunny," he smiled against you as his lips circled your breast, his teeth barely grazing your nipple.

"thank you, sir," you repeated once more. it was when you shifted your legs once more that you realized how painfully hard he was. "use me."

when spencer looked into your eyes he saw them glossed over, a look on your face that only reflected your devotion for him. he connected your lips once more before pulling back.

"use me to make you feel good, sir," you asked again. "please?"

"you want me to fuck you, princess?" he asked, a devious look in his eyes.

"mhmm," you nodded eagerly. "i want you to fuck me really hard, sir."

"m'kay bunny," he replied with a grin before slamming his long member into you.

"ugh!" you moaned out at the feeling of being stretched so much but so, so good.

he didn't give you time to adjust before he started ramming into you quickly. the tears that were once in your eyes were returning from the pressure you felt. your pussy clamped around his dick, his hips stuttering inside of you.

"fuck, princess," he groaned into your ear, his hands wrapping around your throat. "i'm gonna fill this pussy up. use my little fuck toy however i please. let everyone know you're mine; let you remember who you belong to, who owns you."

"yes, yes!" you cried out. "please fill me up! need it, please!"

he pulled out of you quickly, flipping you over onto your knees before slamming into you once more. his hands drew your hips as high as they could go into the air, pushing your chest down into the mattress, consequently muffing your cries. he got so deep inside of you, you were able to feel him hitting your cervix as the tears flew down your face. the slaps he gave on your ass made the marks he made earlier sting once more. he grabbed your hands, pinning them behind your back after he gathered them into one of his.

"my dumb whore loves it when i'm rough with her, yea?" he groaned out. "when i get so fucking deep in her she can barely speak?"

"yea, yes!" you agreed, unable to do anything but.

"fuck, princess," spencer's hips stuttered as he slammed into you even quicker, his hands reaching up to circle your clit rapidly. "i want you to cum, bunny. cum with me. gonna fill you up, make you a mother, make me a fucking dad. shit!" he moaned as he felt your pussy clench around him once more, signaling your orgasm nearing you.

his pace continued quickly. before you knew it, you were cumming all over the sheets.

"fuck, yes!" you shouted, your squirt soaking spencer's dick as he came inside you.

"just like that, bunny," he laughed out. "keep going," he ordered as his hand continued to run at your pearl, his thrusts fucking his cum back into you.

when you squirt one more time over his dick, his laugh echoed in the room as your cry was muffled by you shoving your head into the pillow.

"so good for me, princess," he praised as he tried to pulled out of you, you whined, reaching up to grab his hand to stop him. "shh," he cooed. "i'll be right back," he pressed a kiss to your back before pulling out of you, chuckling when he heard your whine from the stimulation.

when he returned, he noticed you were in the exact same position. your face was turned to the side but still pressed into the sheets, your ass remained in the air, the slaps and bruised prominent. he walked over to the bed, dining his hand along your spine as he sat down beside you. when you saw he was there, you looked up at him and smiled.

"hi," you said groggily.

"hi, y/n," he smiled, his hand now running through your hair. "ready to get cleaned up?" he asked kindly.

"mm-mm," you shook your head the best you could. "'m tired, wanna sleep."

"i know, bunny. but we need to get you cleaned up first. what if you took a bath, yea?" he asked.

"with you?" you questioned, your eyes wide with hope.

"of course, bunny," he pressed a kiss to your forehead as his hands wiped the still wet tears from your face.

he took your arms and helped you sit up, guiding you to your feet so he could walk you to the bathroom. he set you on the toilet as he started on the bath for you, being sure to add your favorite bubbles, bath salts, and essential oils to help you relax. when you were both done, he guided you to the tub, helping you step inside with your wobbly legs.

he admired you as he began washing your face, smiling slightly as you winced from the spankings you received earlier meeting the warm water. the mascara that stained your face, the rosiness that remained on your cheeks - all the more reason to love you more. the way that even after being ruined you still looked so beautiful would always remain a mystery to him.

but the thing that had puzzled him since the day you agreed to go out with him was how he managed to get a girl so perfect. you were perfect, even in your imperfections. the way you were so patient with him in the beginning stages of your relationship, letting him reveal his past to you when he was ready. you let him make the first move in the physical touch department, knowing how he was sometimes uncomfortable with it. you were so overwhelmingly you that he couldn't imagine how you could love him.

"getting in?" you questioned as he sat on the side of the tub, just looking at you.

"yes," he kissed your hairline. "i'm getting in."

you scooted forward in the tub so he could fit perfectly behind you. his arms wrapped around you perfectly; you were made for them. your head lie against his chest, his chin resting on top of your head.

you sat there in silence with each other, knowing you didn't need anything but each other in that moment. it was comforting, just the presence of one another. the warmth of your lover pressed against your back as you relished in the rare moment you had alone with one another. you missed these moments, you barely ever got them anymore.

"what's wrong, bunny?" spencer questioned upon hearing your sniffles. you didn't realize you were crying until he pointed it out.

"'m sorry," you apologized, quickly wiping the tears from your eyes.

"you don't need to say sorry," he pulled back to look at you, tears still flowing. "really bad subdrop, huh, bunny?" he asked sweetly, his hands cupping your face.

"mhmm," you nodded, closing your eyes and sniffling once more.

"you did so good for me, y/n," he pressed a kiss to your lips. "my special girl, always taking care of me."

you smiled at the sentiment, taking a deep breath to try and regulate your emotions.

"i love you, bunny," he said. "so, so much."

"love you, spence," you smiled against his lips. "feel floaty."

"i know, honey," he kissed you once more. "let's get out so we can get you hydrated, yea?"

"yes, sir," you agreed, trying to stand on your own but failing, falling down back into the tub and pouting.

"it's alright," he mumbled, standing up himself and quickly drying off and getting dressed. "here," he placed his hands under your arms and pulled you up, letting you put your body weight on him as you got out.

he grabbed a soft towel and dried you off, you placed your hands on his shoulders for balance. then he grabbed your fluffy robe and wrapped it around your body.

"alright, can you lay on your stomach for me?" he asked as he guided you into the room, you nodded your head as you crawled into bed. "good girl," he praised.

he reached into the drawer by his side of the bed, retrieving the special lotion for your wounds. he lifted the robe up enough for him to tend to you. running the lotion into your red, bruised bottom, he heard you whine softly, probably trying to muffle your discomfort, from the contact.

"i know, sweetie, i know," he murmured. "i'm almost done."

once he was done, he quickly ran to the kitchen to get you some chocolate and water. when he came back into the room he helped you sit up, guiding the water to your mouth slowly to help you drink.

"good job, honey," he pressed a kiss to your cheek. "chocolate? it'll help keep your blood pressure up," he offered.

"mm'kay," you nodded, leaning your head on his shoulder as he fed you the candy. when you were finished with it, you finally spoke up, "'m sorry i was a bad girl," you mumbled.

"you weren't bad, sweetie," he corrected. "just a bit impatient, is all."

"mm-mm," you disagreed.

"okay, why were you a 'bad girl' tonight?" he indulged you.

"'cause i just wanted your attention. we never get any time together anymore 'n' i miss you a lot. you only pay attention when i'm a bad girl," you explained to him.

spencer felt his heart crack at the reveal. you were only acting that way because he didn't put enough attention on you, the girl he's truly in love with. and he punished you for wanting his love and attention and now he felt like a dick.

"oh sweet girl," he whispered, his hand bringing your face towards his. "i'm so sorry. i didn't even realize why you were acting that way. i should've asked you why, or maybe just paid more attention," he sighed, looking into your glazed-over eyes. "i'm so sorry, bunny."

"no, no," you pressed your hands to his face. "don't say sorry. i shouldn't have been bad."

"you could never be bad," he smiled at your devotion.

"whatever you say," you smiled as he kissed you once more.

"let me take this robe and get you some clothes to sleep in, alright?" he whispered softly.

"can i sleep in your clothes?" you asked shyly, as if spencer could ever say no to you.

"of course you can," he felt his heart swell as he went off to grab you a pair of his boxers and an old sweater of his.

when he returned he helped you out then on, you lifted your hips and raised your arms to aid him. he snuggled in behind you, wrapping his arms around your torso much like he had when he was in the bath with you. you turned around to face him one last time to press a kiss to his lips before nuzzling into his chest. his arms shifted to move around your shoulders and waist, your leg thrown over one of his own.

having your breathing lull him to sleep was a tune he would never get tired of playing. nights like these, cuddled up with one another, safe in each other's grasp, were the reason he knew his decision was the right one.

the decision to buy the ring. the decision to make the plan. the decision to propose tomorrow. the decision to spend the rest of his life with you.

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