#and acting less sure of myself so people will actually LISTEN and not just immediately want to argue against what i say

[random111sposts]

[S2 SPOILERS] My problems with JayVik (Mostly Jayce) and season 2 in general

DISCLAIMER: YOU CAN SHIP JAYVIK, IT'S FINE, I JUST WANNA EXPLAIN WHY I DON'T AND HOW THE SHIP ENDED UP HARMING THE CHARACTERS' ARCS INSTEAD

WE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS, THIS IS MINE

The more and more I rewatch season 2 of Arcane and the more I talk about it with my friend, the more I see problems with the writing and how they did the characters

A lot of it revolving around Jayce specifically and how they seem to have sacrificed Jayce and Viktor's individual characterization and why I don't see Viktor and Jayce together and much prefer they stay just friends and focused more on their own individual struggles and stories

(It seemed like they wanted to put more emphasis on how much Viktor and Jayce need each other rather than focus on how they need to fix up their own individual growth, like how Mel was basically cast aside for some reason as if she and Jayce weren't a thing so he left her alone to become astral buddies with his partner without even saying good bye to Mel first

Sure, just forget the woman who influenced you greatly both in bad and good ways, the same woman who was trying to convince the council not to want weapons made with Hexcore

Forget the woman who you would go to for comfort and who WAS THERE FOR YOU WHILE YOU WERE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR DYING BEST FRIEND

And how Viktor keeps on doing stupid shit like not defending himself or hiding in Act 2 when he himself says that Jayce is not acting like himself and even invites Jayce, thus allowing Jayce to do exactly what you would expect your bestfriend who you said seemed not like himself would do, kill people

He wastes Ambessa's and Singed's time and visits Jayce first even though he can just forcefully get Jayce to join him anyway by having Singed already go through the plan in Act 3 when Viktor was a villain

But nah, doc, gotta talk with my boyfriend first even though I'm currently supposed to be the version of myself that prioritizes evolution more cuz I changed after being killed)

(I wish they went more in depth about Viktor wanting to help the people of Zaun and creating inventions while also struggling with his own flaws and weaknesses both physically and mentally while also having to deal with the discrimination and ignorance of Piltover towards what they keep doing that ends up harming Zaun)

(I wish they went more in depth about how ignorant and naive Jayce is with how he keep accidentally causing more harm towards Zaun like when Ekko called him out for basically making shit that bring the trash of Piltover over to Zaun. Then have Jayce start to grow more as a character and actually LEARN AND KEEP TRYING to go against the superficial demands of his fellow council members and actually try to help the people of Zaun properly by actually listening to them and not just listen to the higher ups because he's a people pleaser. Have Jayce learn more to be independent and less susceptible to being easily manipulated and influenced

DO NOT JUST IMMEDIATELY SHOW SOME TIME TRAVELLING BULLSHIT THEN HAVE JAYCE SUDDENLY KILL GOD VIKTOR THEN SUDDENLY MAKE JAYCE SEEM LIKE HE'S RHE HERO ALL ALONG WHEN WE DIDN'T PROPERLY SEE HIS CHARACTER GROW OTHER THAN HIM BEING FORCED TO BE HARDENED DUE TO THE TRAUMA OF BEING TRAPPED IN A DYSTOPIA

That's not growth, THAT'S TRAUMA

AND PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD, STOP MAKING HIM DO THE "Trust me bro" SHIT LIKE HOW HE DIDN'T ELABORATE ON HOW HEXCORE IS A CURSE TO VIKTOR AND HOW ALL HE DID TO PROVE VIKTOR IS BAD IS SHOW A MANNEQUIN)

Like, with Jayce and Mel, they barely had a proper resolution with Jayce just leaving Mel to play Astral God with Viktor without even thinking about how this would affect Mel

And with Jayce's decision to kill Viktor I initially thought "Okay, cool"

But then, the more I think about it, why didn't Jayce just talk to Viktor and ACTUALLY explain how the Hexcore is a curse? THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE DOES ANYWAYS AT THE FINALE, SO WHY NOT DO IT BACK IN ACT 2?

SHOW VIKTOR YOUR MEMORIES OR TALK OR SOMETHING SINCE YOU DO THAT ANYWAYS AT THE END

Like Jesus, all Jayce said was "Hexcore is a curse" without elaborating then kills Salo

I keep justifying why Jayce killed Viktor immediately with the whole "Jayce is traumatized cuz he was trapped in a dystopia for God knows how long" but someone else pointed out that it probably isn't enough to justify Jayce's brutality

And I already made a post all about Viktor's POV during all of season 2 so I wouldn't blame Viktor for now changing his views on the world AFTER BEING KILLED BY HIS BESTFRIEND AND WAKING UP TO ALL HIS PEOPLE DYING TOO

https://www.tumblr.com/random111sposts/769459212648693760/viktors-pov-hexcore-kills-friend-i-am-about

I was initially fine with Jayce being a dumbass in season 1 mostly because his dumbassery is constantly called out (Vi calls him out when he panics about killing a child by pointing out how he people have been harming for years and he is just to ignorant about it, Viktor KEEPS calling out Jayce's bullshit like with preventing Zaunites from crossing the bridge and Jayce considering making weapons)

But season 2, not many people do that as much so I ended up getting more and more mad with Jayce's actions since not many of the characters are gonna call him out

The closest was (again) Viktor who full on ended their partnership because Jayce broke their promised, revived Viktor with the thing that killed Sky, and MADE WEAPONS with said thing

Now onto Viktor, my main problem is THEY HAD MORE POTENTIAL TO FLESH OUT VIKTOR'S CHARACTER

LIKE HAVING HIM WORK TOGETHER WITH JINX?

HAVE HIM HAVE MORE PARALLELS WITH SINGED?

HAVE HIM REALIZE BEFORE THAT HE ACCIDENTALLY MADE A HIVEMIND AND STRUGGLE TO UNDO IT THEN GET DEPRESSED THAT HE ONCE AGAIN ENDED UP HARMING PEOPLE IN AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE OTHERS?

BUT NO, LET'S HAVE VIKTOR BE AN EMOTIONAL DUMB FUCK AND NOT ASK JINX AND VI "Hey, since I'm helping your dad and stuff, mind helping me by defending my people since my ex BFF is coming here and he seems not to be in the right mind?"

VIKTOR WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN IF THEY WOULD SAY YES BUT MIGHT AS WELL TRY, RIGHT?

WE COULD'VE HAD A COOL ZAUN NATION THING WHERE VI, JINX, ISHA, VANDER, AND VIKTOR WORK TOGETHER TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE

BUT NO, HAVE VIKTOR DO NOTHING TO TRY TO DEFEND HIMSELF, HAVE HIM INVITE JAYCE OVER, THEN HAVE HIM MEDITATE WHILE JAYCE TURNS HIM INTO A DAMN DONUT

YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Also, the damn line "You were trying to fix imperfections" or whatever

JAYCE, VIKTOR WAS FUCKING DYING

COUGHING BLOOD

WHAT? THE HELL YOU MEAN HE'S A PERFECTIONIST

If anyone was a perfectionist, IT WAS FUCKING PILTOVER, NOT THE DISABLED GUY DYING WHILE TRYING TO HELP OTHERS

Another missed potential, they kept show Jinx as Les Miserables or something in the intro, so obviously seemed like she would be a revolutionist

And Viktor wants to help the less fortunate and gets mad whenever Piltover does anything to further ostracize Zaunites

WHY NOT HAVE THE TWO WORK TOGETHER IN THE REVOLUTION?

MACHINE HERALD AND THE FEARED WANTED GIRL WORKING TOGETHER TO REBEL AGAINST THE PRIVILEGED

THAT WOULD'VE BEEN SO FUCKING COOL

COME ON

[aizawa2009]

Safety Things I’ve Scripted for my Teen Wolf x Hogwarts DR!

This is all subject to change and only posted for a reference for myself to use here and there.

🖇��🖇️🖇️

—> I handle gore and fear very well; there will usually be a big bad to fight, in hogwarts or around beacon hills or even anywhere I’m summoned as the acting Mother of Magic. This means I might have to see, smell or hear things that might terrify me, but being able to handle witnessing things like these would make my life a hundred percent easier and less stressful.

—> I am not easily scared nor do I feel the feeling of all consuming fear; again, if I come across something terrifying, I don’t want to lock up and see which one I am from freeze, fawn or flee. I want to be brave and be able to seek reassurance from myself and my own personal strength.

—> I do not easily get traumatized, I handle trauma very well, and I can process things healthily and easily; shit’s scary during a magical war and any supernatural battle! Even with my previous safety features, things can happen, and just in case, I want to be able to heal quickly and process/handle the things that happen to me.

—> I can protect myself and others easily, and I’m never gravely injured or hurt beyond repair; i’m shifting to hogwarts x teen wolf… i’m shifting to battle, no matter how lowkey I’ve made the ‘plot’ and ‘enemies’. I need to make sure in case of anything, I can use my magic to protect myself from danger, and my friends and family. Also, this is hand in hand to the regular precaution of ‘i can’t die’.

—> I can put together context clues easily, solve cases quickly and figure things out almost immediately; i want to be in the know! i need to know actually, to be able to protect my territory. Stiles won’t be the only one making connections and solving cases.

—> I’m not really put in difficult positions, such as having to kill, having to make huge ethical decisions for others, given extreme responsibilities from the ministry; self explanatory, to be honest. Yes, I’m important to Beacon Hills and magical society, but I don’t want too many responsibilities, which will crush my free time and emotional well-being.

—> I don’t accidentally harm others when I don’t mean to, physically, emotionally or even with my magic; magic might be hard to control with how much of it I have! I don’t know yet, so it will pay to take precautions. Also, I hate hurting the people in my life emotionally, so this a major precaution for me.

—> My sense of pain is more muted and easy to control; while I can feel pain, it’s not too intense and painful. It’s mostly a warning for me to know where my body is hurting.

—> I have great comprehension, understanding, communication and listening skills; so many things in life can be avoided if you simply communicate and COMPREHEND. My life isn’t a fanfic, so I would rather avoid these tropes and not have to endure a fall out or fight over a misunderstanding!

—> I’m never EVER cheated on, physically or emotionally or anything of the like; you got me fucked up if you think I’m shifting somewhere to be CHEATED ON. And no, I don’t gaf about your ‘anything can happen once you shift!!!’ Hey, ever considered thats because YOU believe that? Lydia and Allison’s stupid petty drama can stay far away from me as possible. Everybody can see through your narcissistic good-girl not-like-other-girls attitude, Allison. And Lydia’s not even that bad, but her TV show character development is going to take a while in real life.

—> I’m incredibly good at (defensive and offensive) magic; a war is a war. I’m going to survive no matter what, and I’d rather win. I also don’t want to face intense magical exhaustion or have the Nemeton seep or give me too much magic.

—> I’m great at seeing through lies and reading between context clues; again, no misunderstandings!

—> Anyone who has ill intentions towards me and actively acts about them is divinely punished and then goes through a long lasting period of karmic retribution/suffering; UNLESS I don’t wish them to AND they have apologized enough for it.

—> People do not have any gossip on me that is bad or smears my image; as a popular media figure, and someone who’s gone to school/is going to school in a small town, gossip is huge. With so few people in the Hogwarts year and less in Beacon Hills, I refuse to be used as a pasttime conversation piece. The media can report factual things on me and minor unharmful rumours, but nothing that can deface me or ruin my public image.

🖇️🖇️🖇️

[obsidiancreates]

One Undead To Another (Chapter 11)

Gus sleeps for most of the day, and when he wakes up he immediately calls Father Wesley. 

“Gus! What a surprise, how’re you doing?”

“I’m uh… yeah, anyway.”

“Oh. That bad?”

“Father, what do you know about vampires? Specifically how to proof a home against them?”

“Vampires? I’m afraid I’m less versed in vampires than demons, my boy. For one thing, demons are real.”

“Well… how would I keep a demon that acts like a vampire out of my house?”

“Rephrasing it doesn’t change my sphere of knowledge, Gus. However, I would generally advise keeping holy items very near your person. Do you have anything like a rosary necklace?”

“No. I’ll look for one online.”

“Good, good. Now, if you’re truly convinced an unholy creature is out for you, I also advise keeping a bible in every room, and staying far away from any demonic or occult activity or items.”

“Way ahead of you. … Kind of.”

“What else, ahum… I can bless a bottle of water for you over the phone.”

“That works?”

“I don’t see why it shouldn’t.”

“Alright, holy water… now, do you know where to get bedsheets with crosses all over them?”

“Not personally… but I know several of the students here at the university have asked during confession if sleeping on bedsheets with Jesus’s face on them is a sin, so I believe you’ll find what you need online or in specialty shops.”

“Great. Now, let’s talk about the ethics of using bible pages as wallpaper.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“God.” Shawn waits. Nothing.

“Oh my go-” Immediate coughing, ash puffing out as he tries to cover his mouth.

“Okay,” he wheezes. He picks up the receipt, his own handwriting now following Gus’s as he adds to the list. He adds Can’t claim God to it. Good thing he doesn’t believe in God anyway. Should he? Probably not. Is Gus going to keep believing in God after all this? The vampire thing is kind of confirming his existence, but the psychic thing is negating it, so… what’s even the deal there?

“Any chance anyone wants to clear that up for me?”

No vision, voices, or Feelings.

“Great. Well, my throat is just about shot.” More than, actually– he’s pretty sure it’s bleeding from how dry it is, especially now. “Any chance I can receive a little divine guidance on how to not kill people and get some blood at the same time? Blood bank doesn’t count, that’s a cop-out and a cliche.”

“... Come on. Give me something to work with. I’m not– I’m not used to being this… this lost, okay? I…”

Died. Made a bad decision, got into a bad situation, and died. No clever last-minute saves, no stalling until Lassie and Jules got there, no sitting in The Blueberry knowing he would store the incident away as Another Fun Anecdote. 

He died. 

And now he could hurt the people he loves most. And he’s always been reckless, and impulsive, and inconsiderate of consequence, and it’s gotten his loved ones into trouble in the past, but now that trouble is him and it feels…

… It actually feels worryingly normal, just… more present. The little twist, whisper, condemnation in the back of his head whenever something went horribly wrong and everyone else paid for it is stronger now. And that means he should start really listening to it.

But it’s all he’s listening to, apparently. He scoffs. “Fine. I’ll figure it out myself.

He gets on his bike and heads for the Psych office. Sure, he could do his research at home, but he always works better in the office anyway.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Juliet wakes up, the first thing she does is call her partner.

“O’Hara?”

“Carlton, how much do either of us know about vampires?”

“I read Dracula once in highschool.”

“That’s what I was afraid of… we’re going to need to either do our own research, or rely on Gus to direct us how to handle this.”

“Way ahead of you, O’Hara.”

“... How?”

“I called McNab to tell him to look for any preserved journals or personal items in the remains of that mansion. By the way, apparently Spencer told the whole department we’re sick.”

“Oh my god, that’s right, he went down there. Did Buzz say anything? Did Shawn act… okay?”

“He said Spencer kept his motorcycle helmet on the whole time and sounded like someone took a sander to his throat.”

“Buzz said that.”

“Well… I’m paraphrasing.”

“Right. Okay, well, hopefully Buzz finds something for us. But we should make a plan for if he doesn’t.”

“How? The only source of information we can actually consider even moderately reliable is whatever that cult left behind.”

“Well, I’m about ninety percent sure that as soon as Gus vampire-proofs his house, he and Shawn will start doing incredibly stupid and dangerous experiments to test what’s real and what’s not.”

“Undoubtedly.”

“We’ll have to offer to help.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Today of all days,” Chief Vick mutters, sorting through files to make room for the one coming in later. “Henry, I know this isn’t exactly in your job description but–”

“I’ll visit the scene, Karen.”

“Thank you. With your son and both of my best detectives out today, we may as well be looking at a cold case without your help. Now, the house burned down is the same one they all visited in connection with the three murders from earlier this week. Lassiter and O’Hara had dismissed the residents as suspects, but in my opinion this feels like some kind of act of revenge. We’ve got a reported six bodies, all burnt to nothing but ash and bones.”

“Ash and bones, huh?” Henry seems to mull something over in his head, pursing his lips and nodding. “Any witness reports?”

“None, it’s a secluded area. Even the road leading up to the driveway is practically abandoned.”

“Why would anyone live in an area like that?”

“Your son thought it was because the group staying there weren’t planning on sticking around for long.”

“Because of the murders.”

“Precisely. You know, I have to say I didn’t understand Lassiter and O’Hara’s hunches, on this one. I think your son was onto something. I I want you keeping an eye out for signs of other foul play while you’re there, anything that suggests these investors weren’t being honest, about their intentions for visiting.”

“Nothing suspicious slips by me, Karen. You know that.”

“Good. Now get going.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

McNab picks over the remains of the basement, eyes wide as he pulls out another horror-movie style wiggle-bladed dagger. “Detective Lassiter is going to be really upset he’s missing out on this search.”

“DIdn’t even know the guy could get sick,” the crime CSI guy says, snapping a photo of one of the piles of bones. “Or the psychic. Or Detective O’Hara. The other guy, yeah.”

“I know. Shawn getting sick seems impossible. … Should we send them all a get-well card?”

“Yeah, sure, and I’ll let Lassiter know I’ve got a squirrel feeder in my yard.”

“... I’m going to pick one up on the way back to the station.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Henry pulls up to Gus’s apartment complex, walks up to the door, and knocks.

He hears a cough (too immediate, too rough, he can practically hear Gus dramatically doubling over like when he and Shawn were kids playing something that involved them dying), a “One second!” and then footsteps.

Gus answers the door in a hastily thrown on robe (belt is loosely tied, button-up shirt clearly visible underneath) and sleep slippers (the toe cover is bent on the left one, Gus shoved them on in a panic). “Mr. Spencer?” (forced raspiness to the voice, he coughs into his hand like he’s on a soap opera, no visible irritation in his throat when he’s coughing).

“Gus. Yeah, Shawn swung by earlier, said you were all sick, figured I’d check in and make sure this wasn’t some lame-ass stunt to get out of a case he was being blocked on.”

“Oh, uh, no. No, all must’ve caught someone from one of the suspects, maybe.”

“Yeah, Shawn sounded like hell. You uh, sound a little less under weather, though.”

“My immune system is just highly evolved.”

“Mmm-hmm. You know, Shawn’s throat was really the only symptom he had, actually. He had his helmet on the whole time, too.”

“Forgetting to take his bike helmet off doesn’t seem like a symptom to you?”

“Kid, he forgot to put on pants before coming to me for advice last week.”

“Right. Well um–” His rasp is slipping, voice going in and out of its normal sound. “– I’m going to go back to bed now.”

“Sure, sure. Just wanted to double-check. Oh, and uh, before I go.”

“Yes?”

“Where were you and Shawn last night?”

Gus’s face doesn’t know what to do– so he’s thinking about how to react. He settles on confusion after a beat. “Well, I was in bed all night. Sawing logs, counting sheep, catching sweet Z’s, snoring up a storm.”

“And Shawn?”

“Not sure. Probably doing the same, or watching a horror movie.”

“Horror movie.”

“Or, any, movie.”

“... Alright. Well, rest up, we’ve got a big update in your current case. House of a group of suspects burned down last night.”

“What? Oh… no!” 

Henry smirks. Just like he remembers from the school plays. “Bye, Guster.”

He leaves, and hears the door slam shut behind him. His smirk falls off as he goes over the information in his head. It’s all adding up to a concerning picture.

He’s certain was there, at that house, while it burned down. The raspy throat is obviously because he inhaled smoke and ash, the refusal to take off the helmet probably to hide signs of an altercation, and ‘everyone being sick’ just about waves a big old flag saying ‘FOUR PARTY COVER-UP’ in his face. He doubts Shawn would burn a place down on purpose, but the old ‘grease fire in the bathroom distraction’ is a plan Shawn’s thrown out more than once, both in his childhood and adulthood.

And this time, six people ended up dead.

But why would Lassiter and Juliet cover that up for him? Gus, that’s no surprise, Juliet is, but Lassiter is the most perplexing part of this puzzle.

He gets into the black-and-white and turns on the siren so he can get to the scene as fast as possible. His son might’ve accidentally manslaughter six people pulling a dumb stunt to fake psychic with. He’ll be damned if he lets Officer McNab find evidence of that before he does.

He needs to gather enough to confront Shawn with, after all.

[bfdreaming]

Okay I know I already made a poll but I'm still torn, so I'm going to be more specific about the general plots of the transmigration stories floating around in my head. Note that in each, it's a reincarnation that suddenly recalled memories of another life. The OG will be present to some degree but it's handled a little differently in each. All are fix-its.

NYY version: (Mostly follows the plot.) I do NOT want to pretend to be a teenager that is SO awkward UGH. Young man, you should be calling me auntie--do NOT get a kink about it--UGH!!! These kids seriously need some guidance, and a discussion on consent, and sex ed--Shizun! Shizun I have Opinions on how things are done around here and I WILL cry, okay. I will cry so much.

Washerwoman version: Okay, so I can save the world by saving my son by saving SQQ. Actually I need to change some other things too to make my son's life suck less but I'll pretty much have to do it through SQQ, who will figure out eventually that it's for my son but by then he'll be invested. First step: is Cang Qiong hiring?

QHT version one: Turns out my dear older brother who raised me is a dumbass teenager self destructing in multiple directions at once and won't listen to anyone. Direct attempts to intervene WILL backfire and I must continue to pretend to be 12-14 and oblivious. How can I protect Xiao Jiu and others, and keep Jianluo from driving us into the ground? I am baby but I need Power.

QHT version two: Woke up after fainting in the fire with new memories. Better than total despair I guess? Let's just put all that aside for now and see what we can do. Yue Qi will be coming by soon and I'll have to tell him the truth AND convince him to get backup instead of immediately trying to pursue Xiao Jiu. There is also so much stuff to sort out regarding the remains of an estate I don't particularly want at this point, but neither do I want my shitty relatives to get it. No one wants to investigate the demonic cultivator I'm sure is responsible besides Yue Qi, which is both suspicious and annoying. Xiao Jiu only killed the people between him and the exit, so where did everyone else go? Also there is so much legal stuff I have to read up on and no search function, and who's this random cultivator poking around? Lady, I met you once when I was ten. We're not friends.

QHT version three: (This one has the most original content, and canon characters won't show up for a while.) Woke up after a qi deviation a while after the fire. Shizun is acting suspicious. Actually a lot of things are suspicious, but Haitang only noticed some of it because she was 14, and raised by a controlling guy that lied to her constantly and got everyone else around her to do the same. The sect itself seems okay but Shizun won't let me pursue justice, or information, or leave the sect, or talk to anyone outside the sect besides my shitty extended family that seized control of my inheritance until Shizun decides I'm ready for it. Interesting! I have Tragedies To Prevent but first I'll have to extract myself from these weirdos.

[all-pacas]

do you think he kept this behaviour up with cameron even after they started dating? there's no way she would tolerate that. on second thought, she didn't even give him a drawer till they'd been dating for a year and a half.

btw insane that 6 months after that they got married

Absolutely lmao

I don't think it's like, intentional? Chase doesn't wake up going how am I going to shut myself off today, he just really seems to think I can handle this myself (Narrator: he could not, in fact, handle this himself). And in other ways, especially with Cameron, he actually has a lot of empathy and understanding and patience with her and her issues. Even back in S1, he has no problem listened to her and her problems. It's just that he's fine.

I think the drawer situation is very. When we call Cameron and Chase an unhealthy ship, this is it. It's actually kind of a non issue on the show: as soon as Cameron realizes Chase feels shut out, she takes quick and immediate pains to fix it. Problem solved. But it's also super indicative, because they've been together a year and a half. Chase never once mentioned this, and it's been bothering him. He's spent a year thinking Cameron doesn't want him around her, in her house. He's at fault in this situation too: yes, Cameron probably should have thought about it, but he never said anything until she started picking fights.

Cameron runs away from her feelings and closes herself off. In her own way, she's just as bad at vulnerability as Chase is: she tries to control situations, to keep herself at a remove from things and people; she's constantly preparing for the worst. It isn't that she doesn't want Chase in her apartment, exactly: she says herself in The Itch that they spend most nights together; casual dialogue shows they take it for granted they'll have dinner together, Chase stops by the patient's house to hang out and bring Cameron coffee; it isn't that Cameron doesn't want to be around him. But at the same time, if she lets him in, and he dies or kills a world leader and she loses him, then she's going to get hurt. It's better to pretend to be in an emotionless fwb situation than admit you care about someone; it's better to ghost someone you love than deal with your fear he is only proposing out of a reaction and not because he loves you; it's better to quit your job than face your boss after he won't return your crush.

Time and time again Cameron takes great pains to fix things when she realizes she's hurting Chase. She decided to destroy her husband's sperm with very little prompting, just to make him happy. But the problem is that Chase never says shit. It's a year and a half and House poking the situation before he admits he's felt shut out all this time. And so it's a nice little vicious cycle: Cameron shuts Chase out unknowingly, and Chase is hurt but he won't say it because he has to deal with his problems himself, and Cameron doubles down because relying on people is vulnerability. Or Chase shuts down after Dibala because he has to handle things himself (but can't), Cameron assumes the worst (that he's having an affair) because she's always preparing for things to go wrong, he can't open up to her and she figures the marriage is over. Ultimately, I think in both situations, they're more or less acting out of love, what they think is love, but because they're both afraid of being vulnerable with one another, Chase doesn't speak up and Cameron doesn't open up when things go wrong.

-

On the surface level, though, I'm sure Cameron waited like a week into their dating to ask him all about his dad, lol. And I think Chase probably did tell her! In Birthmarks he is able to fairly casually bring up his dad dying; he's not allergic to talking about himself. He just shuts down in the face of immediate emotional trauma. If he has a bad day at work, I think he probably just wants to be alone for a while. And less cynically, this is probably a situation where they could be good for one another: Cameron is probably a very good girlfriend most of the time, she's super empathic, in Lockdown Chase's number one thing he says he misses is cuddling/Cameron being the big spoon.

And likewise, Chase probably could be (and was!) good for Cameron, too. He's patient, and he can see right through her. He doesn't advocate for himself, but he's usually the one to bring up her Dead Husband, to tell her he understands. He cuts her a lot of slack: when Cameron tells him she needs time or space he gives it to her no questions asked. He's also willing to forgive her for the engagement thing. (Which. Let me tell you how much I hated that entire episode.)

I think most of the time, they were a perfectly functional, healthy couple. It's just that when things go back, they spiral. They were always doomed, because their combined trauma responses mix together in just the worst possible ways.

[landscaping-your-mind]

ATTENTION ATTENTION

IF YOU GET NOTHING ELSE OUT OF THIS POST AND SCROLL AWAY WITHOUT READING THE READ MORE OR APPRECIATING MY WINNING HUMOUR PLEASE JUST. PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO THE SECOND OUTLIERS TRAILER. ITS SO FUCKING LIKE- "HE GRIPS MY ARM WITH A STRENGTH I SHOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT POSSIBLE AND BEGINS TO TELL ME ABOUT THE STARS" WHO LET JONNY BE THIS GOOD AT VOICE ACTING HHH

That out the way, welcome to 154, aka the episode in which jon and martin say fuck! And jonny does a great job with the voice acting here bc of course he does he's like a fantastic actor and writer or SOMETHING. gosh.

i swear the rest of this is gonna be really tma related, but i heard that trailer today and cant stop thinking about it.

without further ado, @a-mag-a-day, it's TIME for the episode that LEFT US ALL IN SHAMBLES!!

(this is all rambling, my words are not the grand words of episode 152)

Shout out to patreon "Jess?", their name gave me a sensible chuckle.

(sigh) Hm. (sharp inhale) I’ve, uh, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking after what happened with Daisy last week. About- what I can do. What I am. What feels right.

Immediately puts me in mind of

MARTIN I’m sorry. That sounds… (small sigh) That sounds horrible. ARCHIVIST I wish it was, Martin. I really wish it was. But it feels… right.

(MAG 160.11)

Hm.

There was one, this one, that my hand…. pulled back from. I dropped it, twice, when I went to pick it up. Even now, I’m… (slight quaver to his voice) struggling to hit play.

Ok, like, his voice puts me in mind of this line

I don’t like this. I don’t like not being sure what’s going to be in my mind, what thoughts are mine and what are from… elsewhere, why I just know some statements are what I should be reading.

(MAG 129)

And how like, yeah, if you think about it, that must be really like... there's something else in your head, pushing unwanted "awful knowledge" in it, altering your perceptions, your wants and needs, yourself in a fundamental and unchangeable way, like. UHM. THAT'S TERRIFYING.

God, why's Jonny such a good voice actor? The way he does Jon's... sort of about to laugh in a very bad way voice? That's just fantastic.

I am the avatar of awful knowledge and revealed secrets, so what does it not want me to know?

EATING YOUR PROSTHETIC MEET YOUR ANESTHETIC-

No, but there's this fantastic edit by instagram user archxvist that I listened to before I got to MAG 154, and it's that line, and I/Me/Myself and it's so coool you want to follow her and listen to it (it's pinned on her profile) don't youuuuu

(also it puts me in mind of this line)

ARCHIVIST Healthy? I am an Avatar of voyeuristic terror, who unquestioned craving for knowledge has condemned the entire world to an eternity of torment; healthy i-isn’t- i,it’s not

(MAG 161)

Which 1. HHHHH JON D: ANJSDFDHVD HHHHNHRHHNRNHNHR and 2. is a line that gets stuck in my head all the time and as you can see from point 1... it's not a great time. :( im so sad about him

"When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing, but he heard her breathing, slow and steady and focused, and he immediately knew that she was finally going to- (slight stumble) -kill him. When the garden shears plunged into his chest, he was surprised by how little actual pain there was- just the sudden feeling of moisture on his chest and the realization that his body was growing weak, fading away. He wished she would say she was sorry she was doing this, that she loved him, that she would miss him. But he knew better, and his final thought was a gentle sadness at how little he was surprised."

Lots of things! First of all, Getrude's little stumble is just like :(. She may have been less of a care about people person, and more of a care about the fate of the world person - and doesn't that ache, to know that all those deaths were for nothing - but she was still upset to know that he died. She was still upset when she read his page. And I'm upset about that in turn.

Secondly, why are their deaths so sad, Gerry and Eric's. Like, I just, was this necessary? Yes, yes it was, I'm glad it's like this, it doesn't make me any less sad at that... poor guy, poor Eric. Fuck you, Mary Keay.

GERTRUDE Yes. Well. I’m sorry. ERIC Wasn’t even hard for her, was it? Handing me over? No sign of regret. GERTRUDE (Still a bit shaky) No. ERIC No. GERTRUDE I’m sorry, Eric; I know this must be hard- I just read your death. I didn’t realize it had been quite so…

:(, poor guy.

ERIC God, I was a mess. I mean, part of me kind of suspected she’d killed before, but clearly she hadn’t done it enough to be a decent hand at chopping up and dumping bodies. She was having a real bad time of it. My legs were all over the shop. (Long inhale) Would probably have been funny, if it hadn’t been me.

I like him, he's funny, also jesus christ, mary why the fuck? Just to be evil? Fuck her.

ERIC I don’t know how to describe it. Never was great with words. Bad. It feels bad. All the time. I know that I’m not really Eric. I’m just a memory someone wrote down. It hurts, most of the time. I don’t like it.

"It feels bad."

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's sort of funny. Also interesting, I never really... paid attention to the statement/Gertrude part of this episode, and I mean it's interesting, I didn't know they weren't them. Makes sense, I suppose.

ERIC You too. (beat) You got old. GERTRUDE Better than being dead. ERIC (Short sigh of a laugh) Fair enough.

I love their little dynamic, they're friends your honour :3

ERIC S’pose that makes sense. And Gerry? Have you seen my son?

HIS DAD USED TO CALL HIM GERRY!! (starts sobbing)

ERIC Oh, just thinking. Five years as her husband, god knows how many as her possession, and she just couldn’t stand being bound in the same book as me. GERTRUDE Hm. I’m sorry. ERIC Yeah, it doesn’t feel great.

:(

^ that's going to be like half of my reactions

GERTRUDE James? He died about twelve years ago. Elias is Head of the Institute now. ERIC Elias? Elias Bouchard, seriously? GERTRUDE Hm, he’s changed a lot. ERIC Must have!

HAHAHA! THE WAY THEY TALK ABOUT HIM, IT'S SO FUNNY

also uh. huh. you know i still don't get how the people who got elias was jonah magnus before the 158 reveal did it, but this does make it obvious in hindsight.

ERIC Well, that’s it, isn’t it? I suppose that’s why she gave me to you. One final screw you to the Eye. GERTRUDE Eric. How did you quit? (Eric holds back.) GERTRUDE (warning) Eric. ERIC (short laugh) Sorry. I just- (laugh) I don’t mean to be a dick, but- well, it’s been a long time since I’ve had any sort of- leverage, I guess? Just a- little bit of power. It’s kind of nice.

Hm, both :( and I really like him. he's funny.

GERTRUDE I suppose he might be useful.

...

hhhhhhhh

ERIC I don’t want to disappear on her terms. Or yours. I want to speak my piece, have it recorded.

fuck yea dude!

but the mystery, the promise of secret knowledge, of seeing something that no one else was privy to. A secret world that gripped my imagination.

ok, eye guy. fairly eye.

So when I finished my Masters in library science and saw a vacancy at the Magnus Institute, of all places, I jumped at the chance. The chance to pursue my passion and my career at the same time seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up!

THE ONLY GUY THERE WITH A DEGREE IN LIBRARY SCIENCE IS THE ONE THAT QUIT, LOVE HIM FOR THAT, HE ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING

(Amused, wistful hm) I knew she didn’t have an uncle. I knew the man was dead.

Good lord. That's... good lord.

She never promised anything, not even in her vows. She never betrayed me. Not like you. She never played dumb when I was stalked by bloated, blood sucking things, or told me I was imagining it when your friend Adelard dropped a screaming box into the Thames. She didn’t try to keep me in the dark just so I wouldn’t stop being useful; she never made me complicit in a thousand nightmares, and lives ruined for the sick joy of some otherworldly voyeur.

Really shitty boss. Really a shitty boss. God, poor guy, poor everyone who worked for her.

And I just... she really had the audacity to kill Emma, with all that blood on her hands?

...

And that’s when you turned nasty, isn’t it? When all your resources, they no longer want to serve your purpose. I suppose you didn’t know there was a way out, a way to escape. But if you had, would you have told me?

Hm

It was fitting, I suppose. Even after everything, she made me taste blood one last time.

headinhands :(

ERIC Then if you don’t mind? I think I’d like to go away now.

hmhnrhr that's just... the way that line is delivered

(The Archivist sighs heavily.) ARCHIVIST Fuck.

INDEED!

MARTIN Look, Peter, I- [The door is thrown open. The Archivist bursts in.] ARCHIVIST Martin! MARTIN (Overlapping) Oh- (quieter) Jon! God, don’t do that!

MAKING A SOUND LIKE A CAT COUGHING UP A HAIRBALL RN NHNHRNHNRR

MARTIN No, it’s fine! I j- you just surprised me, that’s- (surprised) Jesus, you alright? You- You look like hell.

His only description is looking like shit. I love him so much.

ARCHIVIST Oh! Uh, Ri, Right, I um, God, I get weak. Hungry, I guess, sort of. I, I’ve been trying to avoid, being, um- sticking to old statements? Thank you for your little intervention, by the way. MARTIN Look, I wouldn’t have to if you’d hadn’t been- ARCHIVIST (Overlapping) Yes no, I know, I know; I’m sorry; that didn’t come out right; honestly, thank you. It’s been hell, but- I, I did need to hear it.

He stutters so much when he's talking to Martin, dude, get a grip. But also, well, I'm glad, yay! Good for them and stuff. Maybe with the power of heartfelt gratitude and love and stuff they'll gouge their eyes out and elope together? PLEASE!

ARCHIVIST Yeah. But it’s- (heavy inhale) It’s pretty drastic. MARTIN What, you gotta gouge your eyes out, or something? (Beat.) MARTIN (CONT’D) Fuck off.

AHHAHHAAHAHAHHAHHAH THATS JUST SO FUNNY, JUST THE SILENCE LIKE "UH WELL" QAHJDFSHAJDFSHJFJJSF IM SURE IT'LL ALL TURN OUT FINE

right?

ARCHIVIST I, I, I don’t know; I suppose. I, If your vision comes back, the Beholding probably does as well- probably. But i-it’s not like it’s easy to only blind yourself temporarily anyway I-

First thing that popped into my head was that in a nuclear explosion you can go temporarily blind for a couple of hours from the light. Enjoy that factoid, I guess.

ARCHIVIST No, you’re the first. MARTIN Why? ARCHIVIST Uh, because… because, because I trust you. I, I’m trying to think about what to do, and I… (exhale) If I did try this, I- I don’t want to do it alone. But we could leave here, you and me. Escape.

ITS FINE THIS TIME ITS GOING TO TURN OUT FINE, FUCK ITS GONNA BE FINE ITS GONNA BE SO FINE

"because I trust you" "we could leave here, you and me" HHHH

MARTIN I mean, (mirthless laugh) Could you even survive at this stage? Is there anything else keeping you alive? ARCHIVIST Uh, I,I don’t know. I don’t- know. But… maybe it’s worth it? The risk- y,you and me, together, getting out of here- (Martin sniffs.) ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) -one way or another.

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

one way or another

ARCHIVIST Cut the tether. Send them away. Maybe we both die. Probably. But maybe not. (Emotional) Maybe, maybe everything works out, and we end up somewhere else. MARTIN Together? ARCHIVIST (Emotional) One way or another. Together.

(MAG 200, but you already knew that, didn't you)

it's fine. i'm fine. it's fine

[ID: Drawing of a person sitting at a computer, crying. /End ID]

ARCHIVIST But what if you don’t? (Small exhale) We could just leave. I mean, whatever their plan is for me, I am damn sure that doing that isn’t it. I’d derail everything- we could derail everything, and then just- leave!

THEY COULD HAVE! ALEXA PLAY ROLLING IN THE DEEP!

why... why... why...

[ID: CC!GoodTimesWithScar with his head in his hands. /End ID]

MARTIN Who are you kidding, Jon? You’re not going to do any of that. ARCHIVIST I, I, I could. MARTIN (Still brimming with false laughter) But you won’t. That’s why you came to me, isn’t it? (The Archivist exhales.) MARTIN (CONT’D) You know I can’t do it, not now; you don’t want to blind yourself; you don’t want to die; what you want is a reason to not do those things, so- you come to me. Well, you’re welcome. B,Because I can’t follow you on this one.

im literally, literally, in real life, crying. podded cast. why? why?

ARCHIVIST The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it? MARTIN You know, I think it always did.

no words, just sadness.

ARCHIVIST (Quiet) Maybe. (beat) Well, I’ll be here, if you ever need me. MARTIN (Also quieter, softer) I hope so. ARCHIVIST (Faster) Just-don’t-wait-too-long, okay? [He moves towards the door, sighs.] ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) If you haven’t already.

"I hope so" wh yherrghweherfv wdaj "just dont wait too long okay" hnhrfthrjhfsdehhhh hhrhnnhhh hhh h but he just they just htey they thyfruscdafsfidvjjfhvdxnj "if you havent already" AAAA just KILL ME it would HURT LESS

Now, let's see what past me had to say, while current me is sad. very sad /ref

It's so funny how despite me thinking it had 200 episodes the magnus archives ended on episode 154 with Jon and [Martin] running away and getting married wow what a plot twist

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

Jon and Martin are so lovely together and they are together and they all left in episode 154 and they are all happy did you know that? Also no kayaking or.. freaky tables happened and everyone is ok did you know that wow it's so weird how episode 155 is just nothing for 24 minutes ahaha i love the magnus archives what a satisfying and happy ending

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

Everyone go home the magnus archives is over and martin said yes to what was essentially a weird marriage proposal and they all left. True & real

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

Obsessed with how this is the happiest ending for them /neg

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

I'm going to elaborate on this - I'm really upset that this is the happiest plausible ending. There's no escaping, no preventing Tim and Sasha's deaths, and all they had to go through. Their happiest ending is after so much has already happened. After Jon's gone through the wringer, 13 out of 14/15 (yes, 15) marks. After Martin's gone through the wringer, what with Jane Prentiss, and the lonely, and tim and jon dying, and everything. After Tim and Sasha are already dead. This is their happiest ending.

Not okay!!!

DIVERSITY WIN! LOVE WINS HHH

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

[(about the edit mentioned previously)] Love that this is from the episode where [Jon] proposed to martin (real not fake)

(Instagram Story. 2 September, 2022)

AND ALSO I FOUND THIS IN OLD MESSAGES TO MY LOVELY BOYFRIEND SLASH PLATONIC (follow !!!)

My brain is so rude fr fr I was having a lovely tiem Well no i wa thinking about season 4 jon I was having a wretched time and my brain said "we can make em worse" [...] So the au would go like this: - canon compliant until post-ep 154 - jon think "well if i gouge my eyes out, then martin will know im serious about this" - eye gouging commences - oh lawd he dying (episode 181 fades in ig?) - either becomes one of those archivist things as the eye tries to stop him [or] dies - times get even worse

Messages to @/asideofsalt (@scarandjoelenthusiast). 22 September, 2022.

Also there were some other things said:

Jon said "is anyone going to be self destuctive" and didn't wait for an answer

He had No Friends, he believed he was a monster, he repeatedly said that he can't die because "they need me". No other reason provided. He... thinks he's responsible for everything that went wrong in the world and has to fix everything and is the only one [who] can. He thinks he's the most important worst person in the world. Which is uh.

ok so jon and martin's love language is martin makes tea for jon and jon comes back from his recent kidnapping and worries about martin's well being

Uhm, well, hope you enjoyed that little ramble, god im so abnormal about this podcast. I wish they'd be okay, but actually I don't because I... I'm listening because I wanted to listen to a horror podcast, that is why i am here. so, rip to them. part of me wants them to be okay, part of me is eating popcorn as they... you know, have this whole tragic thing going on :(

[chicgeekgirl89]

Packing a Piece

Fandom: 911 Lone Star

Characters: Carlos Reyes, T.K. Strand

Rating: T

Summary: 

“Yeah, I’m not really a talk-it-out kind of person,” T.K. mumbles around the lip of the glass as he takes a sip.

“So I’ve noticed,” Carlos tells him, a knowing smile on his face. “I believe your motto is ‘punch first, questions later?’”

“You’re never going to let that go, huh?” T.K. asks, wincing at the reminder of his recent bar brawl.

“The image of you in handcuffs, looking like a cranky, beat up alley cat? Probably not.”

A/N: I always love the early days of a ship. The will they/won't they. The longing looks. The miscommunications. Here for all of it. So when a happy little fic involving the darts scene came into my brain, I took it and ran. Also this fic has one of the dirtiest lines I've ever written, so if my mom ever finds this...I'm sorry.

Read on AO3

This was not how he’d planned to spend the evening. He glares across the room at Judd Ryder, chomping on the straw in his drink as the activity of the bar swirls around him. God, he’s literally never met someone more infuriating, someone more rude…who the hell does this guy think he is?

“Your turn.”

Carlos’ voice draws T.K. back to the game at hand and he looks up to see the other man smiling as he holds out a couple of darts. Right. He’s on a date. One he should definitely have said no to given his current fury at his teammate.

Two hours ago he’d stormed out of the firehouse and run smack dab into a firm torso. 

Strong arms grabbed hold of him to keep him from toppling over. “Whoa,” Carlos said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry,” T.K. said, distracted by his bad mood. He just wanted to get out of here and as far away from Judd as he possibly could.

“Trying to add assaulting an officer to your rap sheet?” Carlos asked.

That got his attention and the uncertainty must have shown on his face because Carlos smiled. “I’m kidding.”

“Right,” T.K. said. He frowned. “What are you doing here?”

Carlos actually blushed and it was so fucking cute it made T.K.’s heart skip a beat. “Oh, I, um, I…kind of came to see if you’d give me another shot.”

T.K. raised his eyebrows. 

“Listen, I—I guess I wasn’t completely honest with you, or myself,” Carlos said. “The one night stand, fuck buddies kind of thing…it’s not me. And I don’t want to put any pressure on you or anything but…I like you. So I thought I would take my chances and see if you wanted to go on a date. With me. Tonight.”

The word “date” immediately made T.K. balk. That wasn’t a lifestyle he wanted anymore. Love ‘em and leave ‘em seemed like a much better, less heartbreaking option. Plus he’d already bared far more of his soul to Carlos than he was comfortable with during his brief incarceration. Better to walk away while he still had at least a little dignity left.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” he said slowly.

“Just one drink,” Carlos urged. “Well, I mean, not a DRINK drink, obviously because…” His hands fluttered around aimlessly as he tried to recover from his verbal fumble and he let out a nervous half chuckle. “Okay I told myself I wouldn’t screw this up, but I guess I did. So, never mind. It’s fine.”

The sight of strong, brawny, hot-as-hell Officer Reyes looking for all the world timid and shy made him weak. “Okay,” he’d said before he could stop himself.

Carlos had frozen. “Really?”

How could he say no to those beautiful, soft, guileless brown eyes? And he really did kind of owe the guy after being such a dick the last couple times they’d been together.“Yeah. Sure. Let’s grab a drink or whatever.”

And now here he is, in a bar, pissed as hell, and the subject of his ire is across the room, further souring his mood. He can’t even have a date in peace. Judd “Stop Acting Like the Coach’s Son” Ryder has to ruin that too.

He needs to relax, to blow off some steam, and forget that the people working alongside him at the firehouse are the most judgmental, ass-backward, hillbillies he’s ever met. And hopefully, if he plays his cards right, there will be some blowing of other things later. Judging by the way Carlos keeps checking out his ass when he thinks T.K.’s not looking, his chances seem pretty good.

Although T.K. might ruin everything if he keeps complaining. Nobody wants a cranky lay.

“You know, if I was a less secure man, I might be bothered by the fact that I worked up the nerve to ask you out, and you’ve spent the entire night talking about another guy,” Carlos finally says after T.K. mouths off yet again. 

He should apologize. But he doesn’t. Instead he presses on, practically goading Carlos into calling time of death on this miserable date over his assholery. He doesn’t deserve to be with someone as good as Carlos anyway. This is the third time in a row that he’s been a jerk to the man, and he really doesn’t understand why the guy keeps coming back for more. 

A tiny voice in the back of T.K.’s mind whispers that he’s self-sabotaging yet again, but he tells it to shut up and reminds it that at least he’s not shooting up or getting the crap beat out of him to deal with it this time. 

“You think he’s right?” he asks. It’s a challenge, a test, one designed to make Carlos fail so T.K. can prove to the world that he’s still a screw-up that no one could possibly ever want.

Carlos doesn’t say anything, just tosses another couple darts at the board, then waits for T.K. to go collect them.

“Do you?” he finally asks.

It makes T.K.’s blood boil. Because yeah, that is one of his greatest fears. That he’s only here because of his dad. That he’ll never be good enough on his own. And he doesn’t like anyone to push on that particularly tender part of his ego. “You know I’m holding a dart?” he says, sending Carlos a pointed look.

Carlos’ answer is immediate. “And I’m packing a piece.”

T.K. freezes in surprise at the snappy response. It’s just enough to break through his inner monologue and get him to fully pay attention to the gorgeous, completely ripped, incredibly good at sex stuff, man in front of him. “That’s hot,” he says, thoughts of Judd Ryder and his terrible day slowly melting away.

Carlos gives him a charming little smile. “Do I finally have your attention now?”

T.K. leans closer, amusement and desire swirling in his gut. “Yes.”

“Good.” Carlos cocks his head to the side and then swipes the dart from T.K.’s hand. “Because I want you fully present when I kick your ass.”

Carlos does kick his ass, not a surprise considering the man wears a gun as part of his uniform. But T.K. doesn’t do too badly either. And despite the fact that he came into this with a chip on his shoulder…it’s fun. Carlos is sweet and snarky and unbelievably good. He’s kind to T.K., the bar staff, the people who walk by. And god help him, T.K. feels something stirring inside himself that he’d thought had died on the floor of his New York apartment five months ago.

“Okay, how are you doing that?” T.K. asks when Carlos hits his sixth or seventh bullseye of the night.

“Practice,” Carlos says with a shrug. “I can show you if you want.”

He steps up behind T.K., his lips right by T.K.’s ear as he speaks. “Relax your body,” he says, his hands skimming gently over T.K.’s frame, positioning him just so. “I like to line my shoulder up with the bull’s eye.”

The warmth of his breath on T.K.’s neck causes goosebumps to rise along his skin. Carlos’ hips bump up against him and he sucks in a sharp breath. This is…beyond a turn-on. 

“Then you just draw back and let it go,” he says, giving T.K. a quick pat on the ass before he steps back. “Go get ‘em champ.”

The heat T.K. was feeling seconds ago immediately turns into annoyance at the obvious reference to Judd’s words. He sends Carlos a scowl. “I’m glad my workplace harassment is funny to you.” 

“Are you going to take the shot? Or should I have your dad come over here and coach you from the sidelines?” Carlos asks, a sassy grin on his face as he needles T.K.

T.K. rolls his eyes, but he draws his arm back and gives the dart a toss. It hits only millimeters off of center.

“Nice,” Carlos says. “Keep practicing and maybe next time you’ll beat me.”

Next time. Like this isn’t a one time thing. Like Carlos wants to see him again even though T.K. has tried his damndest to fuck this evening up. Who the hell is this guy?

“So I was thinking—“

“You want to get out of here?” T.K. asks, cutting him off.

“Yes,” Carlos says immediately. “Let me close our tab.”

He’s back in less than two minutes and then it’s a short drive to his place where they immediately lose themselves in an already familiar rhythm of lips and hands and teeth and skin. 

“Well that was fun,” Carlos says when they’re both laid flat out on his bed, a satisfied smile on his face as he pulls his briefs back into place.

“You deserved some fun after I was such a crappy date,” T.K. tells him as he reaches for his own briefs, which have gotten hung up on a lamp.

Carlos’ face immediately drops. “Wait, you didn’t—T.K. you didn’t come over here because you felt obligated to, right?”

God this man is so damn good, it almost physically pains him. “No,” T.K. says quickly. “No, I—that’s not what I meant I was just…”

“Because if you felt like I pressured you into any of what just happened or thought I had some kind of expectation—“

“No, Carlos, it’s okay,” T.K. says, reaching out and putting a hand on his thigh for reassurance. “I was being self deprecating. I promise, I wanted everything we just did as much as you.”

Carlos relaxes. “Okay good.” He looks down at T.K.’s hand. “You’re really hard on yourself, you know that?”

“Not hard enough according to Judd,” T.K. says with a roll of his eyes, then inwardly cringes for bringing that up again. He truly is a terrible date. No wonder Alex left him for someone else.

“Have you ever thought that maybe whatever Judd is saying, it’s not about you?”

The question catches him by surprise and so does the earnestness in Carlos’ eyes. “What else could it be about?” T.K. asks.

Carlos shrugs. “His marriage. Money. His truck.”

T.K. snorts a laugh. “You think he bit my head off because he’s upset about his truck?”

“You’re in Texas now. Men love their trucks. Sometimes more than their wives,” Carlos tells him as he gets up and heads into the bathroom. “What I’m saying is, usually when people are mad, it’s about more than what they say it is.” He returns with two glasses of water, one of which he hands to T.K. “I’ve known Judd a long time. He’s a good guy. And he’s been through a lot lately. Might be worth it to try and talk it out.”

“Yeah, I’m not really a talk-it-out kind of person,” T.K. mumbles around the lip of the glass as he takes a sip.

“So I’ve noticed,” Carlos tells him, a knowing smile on his face. “I believe your motto is ‘punch first, questions later?’”

“You’re never going to let that go, huh?” T.K. asks, wincing at the reminder of his recent bar brawl.

“The image of you in handcuffs, looking like a cranky, beat up alley cat? Probably not,” Carlos says, leaning back and giving T.K. a spectacular view of all the muscles in his abdomen. The man is built like a freaking god.

“An alley cat? Seriously?” he asks.

Carlos shrugs. “I saw what I saw.”

“You’re very lucky that you’re hot,” T.K. tells him with a roll of his eyes. He takes a peek as his phone. “I should probably get going.”

“Or…”

“Or…what?”

Carlos leans forward and presses a searing kiss to his lips. “Or you could stay a little longer. And give me a new memory of you in handcuffs,” he says, soft eyes going dark and stormy.

T.K. stays.

“I had a good time tonight,” Carlos says a couple hours later as he walks T.K. to the door. He had made it very clear that T.K. could stay over but…he’s not there yet.

“Good,” T.K. says, throwing on a cocky smile. “I’d hate to think all my hard work upstairs was for nothing.”

Carlos gives him an exasperated look. “I mean the whole thing T.K. The date, the sex, all of it.”

“You are not going to tell me you think tonight falls into the category of a ‘good date,’” T.K. says incredulously. “I was being a dick the entire time.”

Carlos shrugs. “You had a rough day. It happens. I still had fun.” He steps forward and runs a finger flirtatiously down T.K.’s chest, toying with the top button of his shirt. “Besides, I like being someone who can put a smile back on your face.”

Stunned is an understatement. This is…he’s really not used to being treated like this. Like he’s allowed to have bad moments. Like maybe Carlos isn’t going to just use him and then walk away. Like maybe Carlos actually…likes him. Not just tolerates him or wants him for sex.

“Can I see you again? Maybe this weekend?” Carlos asks, that sweet, innocent look in his eyes. The one that turns the “no” in T.K.’s throat into a “yes” by the time it reaches his tongue.

T.K. nods, uncertainty shifting around inside him like the open seas in a storm. “Yeah.”

“Great.” Carlos smiles and then leans in, capturing T.K.’s lips in a soft kiss. “It’s a date.”

T.K.’s mind whirls as he slips into his cab. What the hell is happening to him?

[rinseesims]

Okay so I’m now obsessed with your ultimate decade’s challenge and really wanna try it myself! Drop the mods folder, seriously I love how immersive your sims world is. Also any advice for getting started and staying motivated?

I'm sorry this response is so late, but thank you so much! All the mods I used to start out are listed on my pinned. If you see a specific mod that you like and can't find in my tags, feel free to ask, and I'll pull it up next time I'm in-game.

Also, I think my biggest piece of advice is, just do what makes YOU happy and go with the flow.

When it comes to mechanics like setting up a save, try not to stress yourself out. I honestly just started with an empty save, made the the Rolfe parents and gave them three kids to start off. I downloaded a few builds from the gallery, like a bathhouse, tavern, castle, etc. and looked for a few medieval families as well, but I didn't fill up the neighborhood because I knew I'd just be working from the ground up. You also don't HAVE to have a castle and royal family - I just really wanted to try out the Royalty mod! You can also make your own builds and families, but I generally don't have the patience, lmao! There are people who like to make sure their saves are 100000% ready to start like aesthetics, accurate builds, etc, and that's fine and amazing! I'm just a little less patient with setup and decided to take things as they came and focus on the main family gameplay over the aesthetics (because I'm lazy).

When it comes to legacy challenges, most have a formula for you to follow and it can get easy to get stuck in the routine of it. I love challenges because they give me a good to-do list and keep me invested in the game, but I really like to sort of come up with reasons as to why my sims do certain things so that I'm invested in the story as well. The Ultimate Decades Challenge differs from other challenges in that, it doesn't really have a specific formula like aspirations and goals. The death rolls make things interesting, and so do the events, but these can take several sim days and therefore, there's the risk of losing interest because you're just waiting for your sim to age up or have babies.

I think the best way to tackle this challenge is to come up with a story and figure out what your sims' motives are. This never has to be immediate. I kind of figure out the bare bones stuff and decide on things as they happen and build up the story from there (I wasn't planning on having Aemma meet Cassian, but alas, it happened, and we had a whole THING based on that dynamic). Sometimes the sims themselves do something wild and I'll take that and run with it (i.e. Aemma getting attacked by the tax guy). I didn't intend on making Cassian such a jerk, but since he was acting up right after marrying Joan, I said oh well! My goal has always been to just have my heirs and get through each year, but everything just falls into place, because if I tried to plan every step, then I'd stress myself out!

Historical accuracy is a big part of what makes this challenge so different from modern gameplay, but don't feel tethered to it. The Sims has limitations and there's only so much cc and mods can do. I didn't expect to have a supernatural storyline in mine, but when I saw an opportunity for it, I just said screw it, and that's pretty much my motto when I play UDC. I prefer to stick to the rules of the challenge as far as the doc is concerned, and I love history so I do like to listen to podcasts and videos for research, but the rest is really up to what makes gameplay convenient and fun for me. I don't feel compelled to stress over every single inaccuracy present in my game (and there are many) because then I won't really have fun with it. Some people hate that, and some people don't mind, but it's your game at the end of the day.

The SPREADSHEET is a lifesaver. I'm all over the place and need things visually laid out for me, so I actually have a lot of fun (weird) updating the spreadsheet. It's also how I keep up with this growing family, since I usually refer to what comes next visually to figure out what I'm going to focus on in the next episode. I've also updated/added stuff to that spreadsheet that works best for me, and I know other UDC simmers have done the same with their own.

Finally, give yourself a little grace. I can't speak on motivation because I go through bouts where I lack it, and I used to kick myself whenever I wasn't able to fulfill a goal. I ended up on a five month hiatus for MANY reasons, but it had nothing to do with my love for the game. If it wasn't for all the outside factors, I think I would have still been very motivated to continue my usual schedule, but even if I wasn't, that's okay. I work a stressful job that takes a lot out of me and sometimes I just don't want to record or do much of anything, but I knew I'd get back to it eventually, and I know there are people who understand that.

I hope this helps! And I hope you are having fun with this challenge if you've already started it!!

[guttcd]

𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐇𝐔𝐓 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 ➝ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐒 .

who did you share a bed with last night ? how did you sleep ?

“I slept out in the terrace with me, myself, and I. In retrospect it might be like, the dumbest idea I’ve ever had. My neck is killing me.” One hand reaches to rub the side of her neck.  “I kind of liked sleeping outside thought. It was peaceful. Less clustered than inside. Kind of glad I missed Dante and Jenny getting it on. Might have gotten FOMO or something.” She laughs, shaking her head. “A joke. A joke!” 

are you getting on with any of the bombshells/originals ? who’s at the top of your list ?

This idiot thinks the producers are asking who she gets along with. “I get along with everyone I think. Obviously my relationship with Callie and Angel took a dip.” Glossy lips jut out into a pout, round eyes sad and wistful. “I’m sure we’ll be fine. They’re both super nice. Like, stupid nice. I wish they would have been a little meaner to me so that I could... I don’t know. Not feel so dumb about acting out. It’s only been a couple hours and I already miss messing around with them. How lame is that? Anyways, the people on top of my list right now are Dante, Stella, Zeke — I absolutely love them. I like Jude but he’s kind of in the shitter for the stunt he pulled yesterday isn’t he? I’m not here to judge or anything. I just feel bad for Romi. They are the nicest OG in my opinion. They of all people deserve someone to treat them right.” 

do you see yourself starting to focus on one person or are you still exploring ?

“I would like to focus on one person. Like... Naomi maybe? ” A finger twirls around a ringlet of dark curls as she looks at the camera, feigning a nonchalant air, betrayed by a twitch at the corner of her mouth.  “She said she was open-minded and I’m sure I’m not the only person setting my sights on her.” In fact, she knows she isn't. Both Stella and Zeke confirmed Naomi to be on their list. “I know she has some drama waiting for her at the other villa but she did confirm that we had a bit of an attraction towards each other so... I would very much like to explore if there’s anything else.” She catches herself smiling, in which she sits up straighter and raises both of her hands in the air. “Don’t worry! I’m not gonna let my hopes rise stupidly high this time. I’m gonna keep it cool, calm, and collected. I promise. I promise! ”

how was the beer pong game ? what was most memorable about it ?

“I had fun! Dante kissing me for the relationship one was cute. Made me feel like he really listens to me. Kissing Callie was nice.” It was, no use lying about it. “Shame it never happened outside of a challenge. Now it probably never will.” She shrugs, “I guess memorable would be...” Her lips form a tight line, like she’s trying to stop herself from laughing outright. A few suppressed giggles later she finally says, “The Jenny and Jude kiss? When we all turned around? Like the kiss itself wasn’t funny. Just the way everyone reacted by immediately turning away? Cockblocking them has become an ongoing gag, like, that's so funny. I love seeing heteros get clowned on.”  She’s properly laughing now, lowering her face into the palm of her hand.

what was it like seeing the postcard ? what was the most shocking part of it ?

“It’s soft-core porn is what it was! The people at the other villa are like, not holding back at all are they? Little Bash Bandicoot seems to be the only one keeping it in his pants out there. I wonder how Rhys feels about that. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that Callie and Romi were bummed out. Which, fair enough right? It’s one thing to assume your partner is grafting and another to actually see it. Maybe I should have just burned the picture.” 

who did you vote for the hideaway ? why ?

“I voted for Stella! Like, maybe this will give her the chance to get some one on one action with someone she likes. I think she deserves the opportunity. Especially after being stuck with like, the least sexy dare of them all last night. Angel and Dante were close choices but honestly? They seem to be cozy enough as it is.” 

if you could have voted for an original to go in the hideaway, who would you have voted for ?

“Probably Naomi. I would be interested to see who she would have picked. Maybe she would have just brought Callie and Romi in for a sleepover. Or maybe...” Her lips purse in thought for a moment before turning her attention back on the camera. “Stop — ”

[abyssalspamton]

I GOT TO SEE THE FNAF MOVIE ON THE DAY IT RELEASED IN AUS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im so happy i did. I kinda need to talk about. EVERYTHING that happened. As this is what i just do now when i get all hyperfixated on stuff. but maybe a lil review for people that don't want spoilers (if anyone actually sees this), any spoilers will be under the cut. you have been warned. (i also go off about thinking about theories i apologise)

NO SPOILERS So I liked it. I think it was a good, FUN movie. i say fun because. IT WAS VERY MUCH FUN. It didn't take itself deadly seriously, and while part o f me was interested how it would go if it did, i'm also EXTREMELY happy it didn't as i feel that would've made it's. bad moments bad in a less. than funny way. I wish Matthew Lillard was in it a lil more and I don't think it's like. perfect. i had a few gripes with some of the scenes (which i'll get into under the cut) BUT.

overall? loved it. 10/10 100% recommend you watch it. Also people y'all should never trust the critic reviews for movies like these because they don't CARE about the plot. they don't KNOW fnaf, nor are in t he fanbase. ofc a fucking 40 year old that knows nothing about fnaf isn't gonna like it. I SURE HOPE NOT!! CAUSE THEY ARE BORING OLD MEN!!

ONTO THE SPOILERS.

firstly, getting this out the way because i had a fucking STROKE when i saw matpat. WHAT A FUCKING LIAR. WHAT A LITTLE SHIT(lovingly)!!! HE GOT ME WITH HIS CROC TEARS! i thought he was so deadass when he was all teary eyed saying he wished he was in the movie. i was so upset! i was gonna have a fucking go at scott! I'm so happy he's in the movie it was. such a cute little scene. though how dare he were a nametag that says ness.

secondly vanessa being afton's daughter wasn't that surprising. When i realised that michael wasn't willy's son (like bio or anything) my first thought was "oh well he has to have some type of child" because. scott does that, like in his books. things get changed up sometimes but most things stay the same. aka him having at least one child, just means he didn't get two deadones as well. So when vanessa showed up (i forgot she was in it lmao) i was like. OH YEAH THAT'D. WORK I GUESS. and just assumed immediately thats what they were doing.

ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE WAS GETTING ALL PISSY AT MIKE? like that was a lil obvious she was trying to hide that her father committed the murders cause she didn't want any backlash.

I cannot judge children for their acting because they are children. But i will say one of the children (cough eric) was looking at the camera before. you can see his eyes focusing on the guy behind it. NOT A BIG DEAL I WAS JUST OBSERVING AND FOUND THAT DISTRACTING. also abby's actor was cute i just think a few scenes are a lil iffy with her (she is a child im not blaming her).

vanessa's and mike's romance. what a. thing huh. kinda crazy considering in an alternate reality (the canon universe) mike is william's son and Vanessa isn't. feels kinda weird. but laso like if me MYSELF was vanessa and saw mike? that pathetic man? that absolute sopping WET cat of a man? yeah. fair. i'd be down bad.

listen. i stand by that the whole. abby befriending the fazgang was. 'bad' in the sense of. bro that's so cringe but i am LAUGHING keep on GOING. but also because. hey. consider this. those anamatronics are children. and stuck like that. THEY ARE STUCK AT THAT MENTAL AGE. I THINK IT'D BE SO FAIR THEY'D BE EXCITED TO BEFRIEND A NORMAL FUCKING KID THAT'S NOT DEAD!! this is why im happy the movie didn't go super serious because.

while YEAH it would've been emotional to see this played more seriously, them upset they're dead and still befriending abby, it's just the fact that it probably would've. not landed well, or at least completely, so it would've still had a 'bad' vibe to it. just THIS way we can all laugh at it. I had my head in my hands a few times because i was just "oh gOD" looking @ you. pillow fort. bonnie fucking laying his ass down.

i also understand why scott didn't do the fnaf games lore, or book lore, because he can have more fun with it this way, and also work with blumhouse to make original ideas instead of just. copy pasting from the games/books and hoping they do it well enough it lands.

Lore wise im interested if william has more bio children and how many other children he's killed. what animatronic eric is, if they're going by the logic that everyone bro kills turns into one (imagine he's bb). my friend charlotte said he might be the puppet but. that role i would expect from Henry's daughter. if henry still exists? please tell me henry still exists-

I'm also interested how they're gonna make mike keep on coming back/being involved? we can't go back to fnaf 2 since that was a prequel, i mean i quess you could but also that just doesn't feel correct to do in a movie. so im expecting scott is going to have to (SURPRISE SURPRISE) completely clear up what games go where. so rn it's fnaf 1, we know fnaf 2 was before since bb is there so we're not gonna get a fast one pulled on us on that end. fnaf 3 might be next? but i could also like. see scott skipping that one. BUT i could also see him not skipping it because he wants to 'redeem' it and show that. yeah he fucked up the game but he can make up with it via movie.

oh something obvious to say. vanessa is more than likely a robot. im not gonna get into a fight with the whole robot people are stupid when it's fucking in the books JFHEDSKNJA SO. IM JUST NOT. but like. considering she's afton's daughter i would not be surprised if she actually died when she was younger and got turned into a robot. it's just how it is.

can't wait for fnaf 2 probably coming out in fucking 2031 and fnaf 3 the final coming out in 2045 <3 i might not make it to those movies HFNKEJSD jokes aside im. happy with the movie, excited to see more, especially the lore for it, and though i think fnaf's lore is a garbage fire it's also fun to look at when you take a step back and just. decide to enjoy it with 0 thinking skills for a second.

also thanks to anyone who read this <3

[melancholicspace]

Dear gelo my love,

I dont know if you'll be able to read this in the future, or maybe not. But im just writing this as a proof of how much I love you right now. I love you so much more than words can explain. I feel sorry about myself all the time, for being this person that you do not deserve. Every time I see how your eyebrows meet or hear you sigh, I'd immediately feel regret about what I said or did. I never wanted to disappoint you. To frustrate you. To hurt you. To make you feel less of yourself. To hate me. But probably because I haven't healed the parts of myself which isn't really a valid excuse, but please know, with all my heart, that I'm trying my best to love you in the way you deserve. I constantly blame myself for giving you headaches, for making myself doubt your intentions, for ALWAYS—freaking fucking always—thinking that you're cheating on me EVEN IF I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING REASON to do so. I'm so tired of myself, love. I'm not even sure why you're not giving up on me. I'm a ball of insecurity and I know you hate whenever I'm so insecure but I hope you know that I hated myself more. I hated myself more than you do. I hate that I do it. I hate it when I feel it. I hate that I think that way. And I know I frequently tell you how impatient you are, but seeing how you put up with my attitude makes me feel really grateful and realize that you're a patient man. You're patient and kind and smart and handsome and caring and I hate that I made you feel like you're not. It really makes me feel bad whenever you tell me that you feel like you're the worst bf in the world. Because you're not. And if only I could tell the world how I'm so so lucky to have you. But that's too cheesy, and even posting this is too cheesy. Probably you'll even cringe when you read this. But love, i see you and i appreciate you. I see how you budget your money just so you could be with me. Just so you can treat me in nice restaurants. I can see how you manage your time and how you force yourself to stay awake at night so you can have a little time for me. I can see how much you want me to be with you in every family event, even if it conflicts a lot of things. I can see how much it makes you happy when you always rush me to go down the stairs. Or how you seduce me secretly even in front of the people we know. I can see how proud you are having me, to your friends and relatives. I can see you trying to improve yourself—and actually do improve—because you listen to me. I'm so sorry for holding such an unrealistic standards and made you feel shit when you failed to reach it. It's such an immature act of me to expect you to do all these things I saw on social media and feel disappointed when you're not them. I'm so sorry love.

If I die, please know that I genuinely love you with all my heart. With no doubts and hesitations.

And I'll die continue trying to be the best gf you deserve.

I'm sorry I hurt you love.

I love you.

So fucking much.

[supersanderman]

The Power Of Friendship (and D&D)

Well, you made it to act 3, and this is usually the part of the Shakespeare play where things start to get juicy. But here, I wanted to focus a little less on juicy things because in my story, I didn’t really change identities further, I just solidified my own. I always kept questioning sure, which is eventually how I became a demi-boy, but in this part of my tale I just found people I care about, and who care about me. It’s…THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!

But seriously, having a circle of people I could trust was probably the most important thing in my journey. It’s no wonder that I don’t really talk to my first college friend circle, I could only really trust two of them. Living with them was an experience for sure. Lots of fighting, and lots of blame games over dishes and cleanliness. I guess we were all getting back into society after being locked in a metaphoric dungeon for a year and a half, but it was bad. Speaking of dungeons, part of what made me really bond with my current friend group was Dungeons…and Dragons. The tabletop roleplaying game was part of the reason I could somewhat survive the pandemic and is responsible for bringing me even closer to my current friend group. It’s the same group from my professional fraternity. It started with my big Mox and then as more people joined our family grew. Friends became my safety net and my support circle, the people I could count on. When I went through rough patches they helped me survive. When I hurt my back and needed to go to urgent care, I asked Mox to drive because I didn’t have anyone else I could trust. It’s cliche but the power of friendship is real. Now more than ever with the idea of found families, friends can sometimes be more like family than an actual family. I am lucky that I love my immediate family but one of my close friends has all but abandoned their family, and they rely on their friends. Especially in friend groups that are not all cis-het like mine, we bond over our shared experiences and are able to bounce off each other’s chaos. It is how my high school friend group stayed together. We can share things with each other that we wouldn’t to other groups, not even people we’ve known our whole lives. Trust is so special because it’s hard to gain and so easily broken, and the best, closest friendships are built on trust. My friend for a documentary I made put it plainly, you aren’t going to please everyone, so it’s better to have one or two close friends you can share the dirtiest crap with who will listen and support you rather than a large group that will turn away when you need them most. I almost needed the pandemic to determine who my real friends are, and I am so glad I know who I care about and who cares about me. 

Throughout my junior year, I slowly was able to come out of my shell and while I played a character in a tabletop, I bonded with them every meeting. We discussed fandoms and musicals. Existentialism and the joys of Rutgers. Every moment I spent with them made me feel like I was able to really be myself. And D&D provided joy and lasting memories for months to come. But like many things, D&D needs to be unpacked. Character creation is one of the key parts of D&D but one of the many issues is something known as fantasy racism. Certain races are seen as monstrous such as orcs and goblins and these fantasy creatures create a sort of fantasy racism. One bit of lore from the D&D rule book discusses how half-orcs try and prove their worth among more “civilized races.” Similarly to that is the idea of elves, who are rich and light-skinned being superior to other races. Other tabletop games have been criticized for different issues. The Cyberpunk 2077 video game, based on the tabletop of the same name was criticized for fetishizing trans women by having them be on in-game posters with grossly enlarged penises. While the game is only based on the tabletop, the issue still persists. 

However, role-playing games have always been praised for their ability for players to make a character and  be anyone. Now characters can be any race and any gender, and many traditional fantasy tropes about race and gender can be eliminated. In terms of any role-playing game, it is important to understand how real-world issues bleed into the game and how sometimes it is important to draw boundaries of what should be included in fictional games. Now thanks to games set in the real world like Vampire: The Masquerade, there are sheets for lines and veils, things players want to only reference and not include. This allows a way to avoid games that feature issues such as racism, sexism, and religion. Overall, these games can be loved and appreciated, but also challenged to avoid negative stereotypes, and real world injustices bleeding into the game.

[smiletimeisrunningout]

"I'm not..." she wasn't displeased with their arrangments, it wasn't even theirs to begin with, in a way, because she had made the decision to stay. She started pouring him a glass as well. Could she get into it now? She knew she may accidentally provoke him - this time really not meaning it - and doing so in front of his best friend was less than nice.

But God, there was something about him that was just asking to be defied in every possible way. The way he spoke to her was going to lead her to do something stupid, or worse fight with him, and she didn't want that. No, she had to change things immediately, for better or worse, this direction could not do.

"Alright. Let's start over. I am not displeased by anything your general wants from me, or about you as a bodyguard, or this tent. But I am sorry that you have to look after me, in the sense that I feel guilty. And I'm displeased by my overstaying because I want to go kill every single one of those monsters who came here looking for me, and I cannot do that, I will not do that," she pointed out to remind herself of her own resolve, gripping her glass of whiskey.

"Forgive me, Caleb, this is not a happy first talk we are having, but I must say this so that you," she turned to Benjamin, her tone softening, "Can start making peace with the idea, and I won't get reckless because you are pushing buttons you don't know you are accidentally pushing. I told Washington I'd be staying for now, because I don't want to add to his pile of worries. I told him I'll write to my parents, hopefully the letter can be sent by tomorrow morning, so that soon he'll be released from any responsibility. See, this is a self-containment, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be: nobody had to persuade me or explain, it was my choice and it will keep being my choice. But I am not going to be confined at camp the entire time nor pretend I'm a delicate flower, of course I'll listen to what you have to say and I'll try to be on my best behavior, but I will never take orders. Only advice. That is what you need to make peace with. My choices and my life are my responsibilities and will remain so, that is why I can't act like a subordinate. So what I'll tell to your general is that while I'm happy to have your help, you can't be held responsible for what a silly princess does, you can only be thanked whenever you can hold her back. We are on the same level, no one is above the other. Which means sometimes I'll leave camp, neither of us can be trapped. And when my parents answer to my letter I'm definitely going to hunt those people down."

She didn't want to add to George's pile of worries nor to Benjamin's pile of guilt, so hopefully he'd understand she wasn't to be ordered around because she wasn't to be considered under his protection. It wasn't as if any other figure of power would actually state that they were on the same level, after all, but she meant it.

"Caleb, you can visit me whenever you please and it will be much more amusing than it is now, I'm sure. Major, the same goes for you, and you can check on me, but please, please, don't talk to me like a prisoner nor an idiot, talk to me like I'm happily waiting, so that it can be easier for me to convince myself that I am. It's killing me that I can't go find them, they ripped innocent people's hearts out, and that is exactly why you must allow me to handle this. I could leave, you forcing me to stay is what would actually cause a war, not my death, but I won't go regardless, I don't want anyone to get hurt except the people who deserve it. I promise you I'm not that much of an idiot, but sometimes one must act like it... Well," she corrected immediately, "I also am an idiot, and you talking to me like I have no choice in any matter is awakening every fighting instinct I have, and I was in the middle of trying to put them to sleep, don't forget I also just found out-" she lifted her injured hand this time, to show that she hadn't exactly been taking the situation calmly. "If you wish to fight me, can we go back to how you were doing it yesterday, like I'm the most inappropriate woman you have ever met, and not a toddler? Reject my courtship again, that's fine." And maybe he'd stop giving her the impression that he was truly angry about being there but forced to choke it down by his orders, if he did that. Hell, maybe now he'd explode instead, but it was better than the little comments here and there that she didn't know how to read yet. As long as he understood she was there by choice and would stay by choice. Of course she didn't hear no often as a princess - and as a woman she'd still get to pick when to listen to it anyway.

Irritable, Ben rubbed his thumb over the pommel of his sabre, attempting to ground himself while he listened to Emma’s assurances. "I value everyone’s lives equally,” he finally said. “Regardless, it just so happens that I have to value your life more, because it’s what my commander has requested. If you’re unhappy with our arrangement, I’m afraid you’ll just have to get used to our rules.” He offered a thin smile. “But then, how often are princesses told the word ‘no?’”

Caleb snorted at the jeer, watching their exchange as Emma turned and began rummaging through her liquor selection. “Whatever ya say, Emmy-girl,” he agreed. “I try whatever rolls off the tongue, so we’ll just hafta see what sticks.” When she indicated the bottles, his eyes lit up and he nodded towards the one in her left hand. “Whiskey – don’t be holdin’ back on me now, aye?”

When Emma glanced toward Ben, he lifted his shoulders and sighed. “I’ll have the same,” he muttered. “Truly, you needn’t make a fuss. I can’t stay long anyway.”

“Besides having… sticks in improbable places, is there any reason why your friend seems to hate the idea that I like him?”

Affronted, he drew up and glanced between Caleb and the princess, wholly befuddled. “I am right here, you realize,” he grumbled. “Other than this line of questioning, I do not hate anything.”

“Other than bein’ questioned,” the whaler gleefully cut in. “You ask too much, Emma. Benny here prefers those who take orders without a fuss – though why he chose to befriend the only people who don’t listen is beyond me.”

“I’m beginning to wonder that myself,” Ben replied, though there was finally a softening in his eyes.

“Is it the princess thing? Is it because I’m too pretty? Or do I really behave that badly?”

Good Lord, she was relentless.

“You overestimate your effect on my conscience,” he said. “Prettiness has nothing to do with it.”

“Aye, but bein’ a looker sure doesn’t hurt,” Caleb jeered, lifting his whiskey in a mock salute.

Accepting his own glass, Ben looked down into the amber liquid with a touch of regret. He really shouldn’t imbibe – not when so many lives were counting on his success. And had Emma not been listening earlier? Had she overlooked his knee-jerk confession about how befriending his men often led to hurt? His same rules of distance applied to everyone in camp; she wasn’t special in that regard in the slightest.

Desperate to deflect, Ben asked, “Aside from your clear displeasure with our arrangements, have you settled in well?” He kept his gaze focused downward, still swirling the whiskey in his glass. “If you’re missing any sort of supplies, I can see to it that they’re looked after…within reason, of course.”

Caleb snorted. “In other words, he’s here to make sure you have absolutely no fun, whatsoever – startin’ now.”

[inkskinned]

i turn 29 on july 1st. i feel like i make a lot of these notes to myself, to check in. hi, me, here's what's happening.

hi, me. hi, you, too, if you keep reading. here's some rules i have been following:

when a book is bad, i put the book down. i choose something i like instead. when i don't like a movie, i don't make myself watch until the end. i care less and less what people think about me and focus more on being a good friend.

for the 6 months or so, i've been asking people what they think should be my next book or tv show. i ask them where i should go on a walk next week. i ask them what food i should try next, what hobby. and then i write it down in front of them.

the truth is some stuff slips through the cracks. but most of the time? within two weeks, i get to send my favorite kind of text - so i tried the thing you were talking about and !

i have a new policy for split-second choices - it's better to try it. i have social anxiety. i have to talk myself into doing many things. i am constantly battling the desire to run away as far as my feet will take me. and then i stand up and i do the thing anyway. i make myself act and dance and sing. sometimes, yes, i know-immediately never again, i hate this. but most of the time - i just have fun with it.

i have a new mantra - nobody is scorekeeping. at the end of my life, there will be no grand reading of how many calories i'd been eating. no reviews on how many boring documentaries i forced myself through, no calculation on how many hours i endured an extremely dull educational podcast. and so what if i try karaoke and i don't actually nail it? so what if i stumble over my words while trying to make a public announcement? so what if i wear something too-showy to go to the grocery store? nobody there knows me, and: nobody's keeping score.

life doesn't resolve with a grade (i know, i was as shocked as everyone else when i realized it). i am not falling behind, because there's no curriculum to life that i should be following. there are no checkpoints; nobody is making sure i have a fully-furnished life resume. i am just here for as long as the earth will have me, and i get to decide what makes me happy.

i don't have a partner or a house or anything that is supposed to belong to people-my-age. i spend most of my time focusing on being kind, compassionate, ready to listen without restraint.

and honestly? i feel good. like actually. i kind of like it this way.

[stickynotestoletters]

Izuku x Male Reader Smut

I'm a dirty slut, so .... yeah

Women DNI please :3

Warnings: you push friend boundaries in the fic but Izuku likes it so it's fine, bottom reader, top izuku, buff tan izuku, big tiddy izuku, God kink apparently, degradation, he calls you puppy, a bit of simp Izuku, breeding kink

Izuku wasn't a simp, okay? He was kind, he was courteous and pleasant to be around! But he always had boundaries with his friends and loved ones. Well....until he met you.

You see, Izuku had a not-so-obvious crush on you (shut it Bakugou). Ever since he met you at UA he kind of let you push any and all boundaries that he had put in place with his friends.

Now don't get the wrong idea! At first, when you both met in your first year at UA it was just little stuff! Like, using his clothes or borrowing a pillow. I mean that's what friends are for right? At least that’s what you told him.

He thought maybe he just needed to chill out and let loose his rules a bit. So you were a little friendlier about how you acted around him as opposed to your other friends, so what?

He could make an exception this once and that would be it!

But then you started getting even more comfortable.

And it was good! He was happy you were comfortable around him! It made his heart fly!

You were being a little touchier with him and it was just friendly stuff. Laying your head on his shoulder and in his lap or even just stroking his hair while you cuddle, but that's fine!

He likes it, he always has and always will!

You ask permission the first time you do these things and how could he resist sitting in the arms of a gorgeous man like you?

Then it stays that way for a while a little after UA.

You get a little bold every once in a while after that but it's nothing he can't handle.

He's working out and doing hero work so he has more things to focus on than his not so little crush anymore.

Even if he stays up at night thinking about all those touches. Thinking about your chapped lips and smooth skin beneath his hands. Thinking about your hands and how much he likes them. Likes them in his hair, massaging his shoulders. How much more he would like them if you tangled them in his hair and pull on it as he's fucking you into his mattress. How much he'd then like it for you to yell and scream his name as he absolutely pounds you into his sheets. How much he wants you to cry and scream his name until the neighbors bring noise complaints and you have a sore throat the next day from it.

So yeah. He doesn't have the time.

Until one night you show up to his door. It's late, almost 4 in the morning, about 2 hours after he comes home from his agency, and he just hears these little knocks on the door. He thinks it's the rain at first until he gets a text from you asking him if he's up and if you could come in.

He's almost dressed and ready for bed but for you, he'd sacrifice any amount of sleep to make sure you're okay at any time of the night.

He opens his door to find you drenched from the rain. And he means soaked. You're shivering in these nice little skinny jeans and a white T-shirt. You're sobbing and your hair is spilling water onto his doormat. "Hey Izuku, is it-is it okay if I come in?"

He can hear just how congested you are, it seems like you've been crying for a while. "Yeah, just let me-let me get you a towel, are you okay?" You start sobbing in front of him and he gives you the towel as he comes back."Never mind, that was obviously a stupid question, come on in and go get a shower."

You're nice and warm by the time you come back to the kitchen, he's made you shower and given you some food. So now you two sit down on his couch and he holds you close to him. he's not saying anything and neither are you, but you know he wants you to talk about it."So, I kinda had a breakdown about some relationship stuff right now." You guys laughed at the obviousness of it.

"Did you want to talk about it?" He looks at you laying down on his chest, tangling your legs with his, in his shirt, in his pants. God he wished you would-

"Kinda, I don't have to if you don't want me to." He shook his head to the sides and you sighed deeply," I knew you would say that, okay, it's kinda embarrassing if I'm being honest."

He laughed at you, "Nothing could be more awkward and embarrassing for me to listen to than when you told me, in detail, about your crush on Bakugou." You contorted your face in distaste at him and he just kept laughing.

"Bakugou is hot and I stand by all that I said asshole." You shook your head. "But I was very embarrassing."

It got quiet again and you put your face in the crook of his neck. "So, I figured out that I ....fuck okay so...." You move back to face him and stare at him in the eyes. "Don't laugh but I realized I only want a sexual relationship with someone at the moment. I started crying because I felt like I'd been lying to myself and I've just been under a lot of stress lately." Your blush is not less bright than his at all and he can't do anything but avoid your pretty little face looking at him than to push you into his chest and look up at his wonderfully beautiful ceiling he's never had the time to admire before this.

"You could have said that to me without the weird eye contact but whatever, go on."

You laugh hysterically, a little high on your emotions, "Okay hear me out. I'm a hero right? And using a loved one as leverage is a very classic villain plan. So I thought that was why I didn't want a relationship. Now I figured out it's just the stress! I want something like that eventually but right now? I just want something with someone to destress."

You move your head up to look at him and he moves his hand away from the back of your head, his emotions are going haywire right now. What is he supposed to say to that??? Do you want him to find someone for you to hook up with or???? And then he realizes-"I am not setting you up with Bakugou-"

"-OH MY GOD SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY IT WAS A ONE-TIME THING." You shake your head and laugh incredulously at him. "I'm allowed to be attracted to people who aren't good for me okay? Is it really that bad?" Izuku rolls his eyes at you, "Yes. Yes, it is."

You roll your eyes back at him," Whatever that's not what I wanted to ask anyway." you scooch up onto his chest a bit more and put your hands under your chin as you look into his eye with your best pleading face." Would you do me the honor of being my destresser?"

He could explode right now.

Like seriously what?

".....You want me to what now???"

"Would you rather I phrase it differently?"

"To make sure we're on the same page yes-"

"Fuck the stress out of me buff man."

"Jesus Christ." He practically lifts you off of him like a doll,"If you were going to prank me like this," he sets you onto his couch and walks to his bathroom to go wash the heat off his face, "do it over text next time."

You follow him into the bathroom," It's not a prank! I'm for real okay? Look-" he looks puts his head further near the sink, he doesn't want you to see his red face,"-the way I see it is we're both busy as fuck. We both are mature adults looking for something intimate, which you have not found yet may I add, that could both put someone in danger otherwise." He scrubs his face and takes a deep breath, turning his water off and looking at you calmly.

"Okay, first of all, fuck you. Second of all, why me then?" He knows he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but he's not going to do this if it's just for the fun. He wants to actually mean something to you other than someone to fuck. "You could have chosen any one of our other friends. So why me?"

You grab his hands and lift them to your lips,"Izuku, I care about you so much. You're one of my closest and best friends in the entire world and I am so lucky to have you. You have supported me in any way you possibly could, and I hope that I've done the same for you. So I want us to support each other as much as we need in this." You look him in the eyes," Plus you could snap me in half and are one of the only people I could fight that has the stamina to keep going at me."

".....you're so fucking lucky I like you. Fine! Okay fine."

"YES!"

So for the rest of the night(morning?), you two plan out how this is going to work. Rules, boundaries, kinks (by god he's going to need a break), and what times you guy can and can't.

It works well actually. Better than Izuku expected. He's just ecstatic he gets to finally hold you.......until he doesn't.

Now Izuku knows you two discussed boundaries and the fact you can call each other practically any time but for the next week, he seriously couldn't get the mind power to just swallow his fears and call you up. Not to say he wasn't thinking of you, by god he did that every single day even more since then, he just didn't want to bother you.

But then you called him. It was 11 pm and you were very horny. He picked up the phone and immediately just, "Hello?"

"I need you to plow me into my mattress it's been a week, come over as soon as you can, I'll be waiting sir-"

And that was the end of the call. Your house is like 20 minutes away from his but he somehow made it there in 10. He didn't even text you he was coming, so you thought he was busy.

So you were just on your couch, scrolling on your phone until a rushed knock at the door, you opened it, and were immediately kissed on the mouth.

Just a whole ass surprise makeout, he holds you up in his arms and pushes you against the door. You pull away to breathe and just look down to see this large monster of a man pressing his massive chest to yours, heaving so out of breath like he'd just ran a marathon (he practically did). Just staring up at you so desperately, you're not going to lie it was a nice view. You laugh a bit hysterically as he kisses you repeatedly. Then he works his way to your neck, still holding you up with his arms but fondling your chest and ribcage. He nips your neck and sucks so hard you're sure to have some nice little hickies in the morning. You moan as he pulls on your nipples and rubs your pecs in his hands.

Your mind goes fuzzy as you hear him whisper, "Dirty little slut left me with nothing after your little call. Think it was funny?" He kisses your neck again, licking down to your collar bone, "Think it's funny to leave me with nothing? Just the thought of this dirty little pup begging me to come over?"

You moan into a laugh at the fact he seems more desperate for this than you are. "Laughing now are we?" You immediately quiet down, his hands travel to your waist, and grinds his leg into your crotch.

"Oh gods-" He pushes into you again as you moan,"-f-fuck!"

"Damn puppy. Didn't know you had such a dirty little mouth. Why don't you show me how you use that little mouth when I actually get started with you."

He takes you into your bedroom, pressing your hard dick against his own and sucking on your neck even more.

You pant heavily onto his shoulder shaking from anticipation as he brings you into your room.

He pushes you down on the bed into a folded missionary position. You're hazy and in hysterics, as he talks more, "God, look at you! What a fucking slut for me. Come on puppy look me in the eyes and tell me what you want."

You look up and his smile is devious. It's alluring. He's practically ravishing you with his eyes. He’s taking your clothes off and feeling you up, “Your tastey skin, so smooth and soft. Do you know what I’m gonna do to it puppy?” Your head is swimming with full unbridled warmth and lust, you can’t even respond so he takes your face in his hands and makes you look at him,” I’m gonna mark you up so well, give you all the hickies and bites I want to put on you until you’re barely unbruised. How does that sound?”

You yell out, “Yes! YES! Puppy will be good for you please? Want it so bad.” He laughs at your responses, leaving your naked body vibrating on the bed and he moves away to take his own clothes off. His toned muscles flexing without meaning to as he takes his shirt and pants off of himself. Sliding his boxers down his toned calfs.

You stay laying there, letting out hysteric laughs and panting as he stretches you out with his fingers. And he keeps his promise, biting and niping all over your thights and stomach. You fall from your hysterical high as he pulls his mouth away until he takes your dick in his mouth and you’re pushed all the way back up the hill, arching your back and crying out for him as you grab the head board.

God you haven’t been so sensitive since you don’t even remember when. He’s sucking you off and his fingers are reaching just the right spots in you. Sliding onto his fingers down to the knuckle of his pointer and middle finger, flexing and massaging just the right spot, just until he takes a deep breathe. Then he takes all of you into his mouth and presses down on your most sensitive spot,” OH GOD, FUCK! Yes~ IZUKU PLEASE, I’M CUMMING!”

You cream into his mouth so hard. He pulls himself up off the mattress and off your dick once he finished sucking it all out of you. He licks the rest off his lips and hums in delight,” You taste better then I’ve ever imagined.” Ah, you blush so red as he said this. You think to yourself, he was just saying it for dramatic effect. For the moment! It couldn’t possibly be true....

God if only you knew how true that is from him.

He pulls some of the excess cum off your dick and you shiver a bit at his fingers grazing your tip. His magic hands. And he brings them to lube his dick back up,” Gonna fill my puppy with their own cum, how about it, slut?”

His eyes are crazy, this is a whole new side of Izuku you’ve never seen from him. And by the gods above are you excited to see it.

He presses your legs down so they’re almost flat by your arms and climbs up halfway atop your thighs. He slides himself into you and,” f-f-UCK!” He’s fucking huge.

Your partners have been quite average in the past. Nothing to scoff at but not as big as Izuku. You feel lightheaded as he pushes himself all the way in. “Look at you, my pathetic little puppy, breaking on my dick. Not even halfway there pup, but I’ll be nice this time.” He stops and you thank god and curse at him as well. You feel like you’re gonna be ripped apart yet you still crave so much more.

He gives you a second to catch your breathe, then he leans over, presses your legs farther, and starts pounding into your pretty little hole. Absolutely destroying your insides. You’re crying and whimpering and all it does is drive him to go faster and harder. To milk all those pretty little sounds out of your pretty little mouth. You’re crying on his dick and it fuels his ego,” You’re crying already? God look at you, so pretty and stupid on my dick. Such a good useless pup. Never had dick this good. Are you seeing god or something pup?”

His smirk is returned with teary eyes looking up at him, drooling at him,” Ye-ugh fUck-yes God, love your dick so much.” Oh fuck. That’s new.

It was so hot, imagining you praying and worshipping “your God’s” dick. Izuku being rode by you as you cry out for your God.

He laughs hard and leans down to get a better grip on the sheets, stopping for a moment, and then pounding you into the mattress. It felt like he was trying to hammer you down into the mattress to press you hard enough you’d become one with it. “That’s right baby! Ahaha! You feel so good I’m your god? My little puppy’s so dumb on their god’s dick right?”

You cry out to him, repeating over and over,” God! My God! Please god!” And you cum hard, over and over on his dick for the rest of the night. Orgasming and being fucked through your over sensitivity again and again and again until dawn. He finally gives in after getting his fill of filling you up.

God, he was definitely the right one to go to.

And all Izuku could think about you as he cleaned up and got ready to go to sleep with you was how fucking thankful he was you broke all his boundries for him. And accepting the fact that yes, he is the biggest simp for you.

————

-Laika

[xiaq]

Ok I'm probably not going to say this right but after your last post I have have a question I guess? I don't really like sex and I love the idea of a relationship that doesn't require sex to be happy and healthy. I really relate to the whole not being anxious about taking a shower together or expectations or wahtever that you talked about but I've never experienced it before. Is that something you get from dating a friend? I guess I just want to know how you get to a place like that.

CW for sex talk. Hello friend. Apparently today is the day for Long Ass Ask Answers.

I wish someone had told me this years ago so I’m saying it to you now in case it saves you some angst:

Don’t settle for bad sex.

If you don’t like the sex you’re having, stop. If you don’t like having sex at all—neat! You’ll have so much time for other activities. You do not owe yourself to anyone, under any circumstances, even if you’re socially trained to think you do.

Listen. I took PhD qualifying exams in Feminist theory. And even I had more or less submitted myself to the idea that sex just wasn’t going to be that fun for me and I’d need to learn to deal or be alone.

I admittedly have very little sexual experience, but the experience I had up until my current relationship was lackluster. I wasn’t repulsed by sex, but it was eh at best and painful at worst and I’d never initiated a sexual situation in my life because A. ultra conservative Christian doctrine during your formative years can seriously fuck up your perception of intimacy in general (insert Youth Pastor Voice here: “men enjoy the act of sex, women enjoy the results of sex: children”) and B. I just…would rather do all sorts of other things. Sex was a thing other people wanted from me and if I cared about them I was supposed to provide it.

Objectively, I knew this was wrong. And yet.

Let me lay out some Inarguable Truths for you. Sex should not:

hurt (unless you want it to)

make you uncomfortable

make you feel dread or guilt before or afterward

be used as leverage

be coerced

be treated as a necessity by your partner

I told my current partner at the very beginning of our relationship (when I was trying to convince him that he didn’t actually want to be in a relationship with me) that I didn’t particularly enjoy sex, that I really didn’t like penetrative sex, and I that wasn’t willing to pretend otherwise anymore.

His response: “then we won’t have sex.”

Let me tell you, that threw me for a loop. I was expecting the more typical, “you’d enjoy sex with me” or even “what a waste.”

“Ever?” I asked.

“Ever.”

Well, okay then.

After a couple of weeks, I decided to try anyway. Not because I felt pressured but because I was curious. I thought maybe there would be one of those fanfic/romance novel moments and, suddenly, I’d love sex because I’d found The Right Person. Reader, I did not get my moment. Except for this time, I didn’t feel like I had to just suck it up. So we stopped. We made stir fry and cuddled and talked about the RMS Carpathia and Abraham Lincoln’s assassination (any nerds know what these things have in common?) instead. A+ evening.

A week later, he came to me, and after spending a surfeit of time qualifying what he was about to say with assurances that he didn’t expect anything from me, etc., etc. he told me he’d done some research because he was concerned there was an underlying issue causing my pain/discomfort. I hadn’t ever thought to ask my doctor because, at my pap/annual exam each year, they’d say my downstairs parts looked fine and send me on my way. Surely they would have said something? But I made an appointment with an OB and I brought a list of questions.

Did you know that endometriosis can make penetrative sex hella painful? Did you know that, if you have an autoimmune disease, even if you’re managing it well, you might deal with significant inflammation the week before your period, which can also make sex hella painful? Did you know that if you’re a small human you might just have a lower cervix which can (surprise) make sex hella painful? Did you know that there are things you can do to at least somewhat ameliorate these issues? Did you know that, when you stop viewing sex as an uncomfortable thing you have to provide and instead view it as an optional activity where you have full autonomy, you suddenly stop feeling guilt and dread at the very concept of physical intimacy and can actually, maybe, enjoy it? I do now. I didn’t for 15 years.

Do not settle for bad sex. Because if someone isn’t willing to sort out why you’re uncomfortable, and how to change your approach to intimacy to fix it, they’re probably not a good partner for you. If you simply don’t want sex and your partner insists on it, they’re probably not a good partner for you. There is a whole spectrum of reasons why you might not enjoy sex and I obviously can’t speak to all of them but Please. Learn from my mistakes. When you start drawing hard lines you're going to make progress, one way or another. Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re broken or undesirable if you’re not interested in sex. That’s a them problem, not a you problem.

I arrived to the place I'm at in my current relationship because I advocated for myself and said I wasn't willing to do something that made me uncomfortable. And my partner, who views me as a three-dimensional human being with more to offer the world than my body, immediately validated my feelings and agreed not to push my boundaries. Was the fact that we were friends for years helpful there? Sure. Because I already implicitly trusted him. But the important thing here is to know your limits and be willing to stick up for yourself. If you're explicit about your desires, it's easier to find the folks who are a good fit for fulfilling those desires.