#and a significant vitamin-D deficiency lol. oops

[endivinity]

I've been diagnosed with ADHD-inattentive! It's clinically mild. It wasn't picked up in childhood because I was a gifted kid who wasn't disruptive or fidgety, or doing otherwise vastly inappropriately-timed behaviour outside of the usual for my age group, and then when it started presenting in later high school years I got the classic 'has potential, just needs to focus. Unfinished projects' in my reports, but because I wasn't fidgety or majorly disruptive it just got sort of sidelined. I fell between the cracks. But I think that's just the done thing, for people like me. Not severe enough to be noticeable, or the symptoms are managed (with a lot of hidden difficulty), or you're not enough of a compelling case (trying to get government assisted work placement failed, back when it was just the sleep disorder) - just mediocre, a mild inconvenience, your strengths prevented from being fully reached because they don't like all the issues of your deficits. which for me is in administrative stuff, as evidenced by never replying to emails :'D And then people sort of wonder why you're not doing everything they think you can. Believe me, we fucking know. We're frustrated too. There's a special kind of grief that comes with that, being left behind because you exist in a middle ground of expectation and disappointment, that I think I have to make peace with as I move forward with this. I'm 31. I've lost nine years to struggling between my degree and now. It wasn't all bad, but it's one of those things where I can't help but wonder how different it could've been if I'd known earlier. So what happens from here? I dunno. I'm being put on a trial run of meds and I have to properly handle my life balance since it's very easy to neglect your health when there are no outside pressures to do otherwise. more than anything I want to finish those five-year-old commissions that are still outstanding. Every time I open the files I get anxious and it really, really fucking sucks for everyone involved. From there, who knows?