#and a lot like this is one of the better uses for those ridiculous Spa Day glowing walls XD

[victorluvsalice]

-->And then it was Victor and Smiler date time at the Freezer Bunny Arcade in Newcrest! Haven’t been here in a while (I think Smiler was still living in Britechester the first time they and Victor visited), but the arcade was on my mind after watching onlyabidoang’s “Functional Objects” video featuring all the arcade stuff Cepzid created. It was raining when they arrived (and soon ramped up to a major thunderstorm -- great dating weather!), so I sent them inside into the cafe area at the back right away. They sat and chatted for a while, with Smiler telling Victor an engaging story for his entertainment --

As some random sat down at their table with his coffee. *grumble* Fortunately, he didn’t try to join their conversation, and I was able to get the pair to move to another table once Victor ordered some pain au chocolat from the barista (which went a LOT fucking smoother than it did at the other cafe – Steampunk Cafe LOOKS nice, but it doesn’t play very well, unfortunately). They continued having a very pleasant, occasionally flirty chat, sharing the spirit of the day and officially developing a “Close” family dynamic, awww. :) Randos did keep coming to sit at their table, but again, nobody actually tried to TALK to them – they just let the pair get on with their date. Sheesh, wonder why everyone kept bothering Victor and Alice...

-->Anyway – Victor finished his snack, then donated some plasma to Smiler so they could have a snack before grabbing some sleep replacement potion from the aspiration rewards store so he didn't pass out from blood loss on their date. Smiler wandered over to the skeeball machines while Victor found a table to drink his potion --

And ended up next to, of all people, JOAQUIN, who’d showed up here too. >( Fortunately I was able to keep him from trying to talk to Victor, allowing Victor to Energy himself up and join Smiler at skeeball. They both completed a level one game and ended up winning a child’s toy apiece. XD Smiler then went over to the pinball machines and had a good game there, while Victor played some Whack-A-Gnome poorly. I had him go get a gumball to make himself feel better after that (and after seeing Joaquin) –

[hahahahblahblahblah]

Cancun Syndrome

(This was written about a month before the Nuggets-Heat Finals started. A lot has happened since then, but I still think this is relevant.)

-------

At the Hotel Nacional, on the edge of Havana, they say that U.S. government officials check out with an ailment as ambiguously bureaucratic as the diplomatic affairs they checked in with. Where reports of sharp, sudden bouts of tinnitus and stretches of intense pain are grounds for an international incident, so instead they must be pasteurized as “Anomalous Health Incidents.” What happens when Obama sneezes at the G7 summit? 

So commences the American game of tip-toeing on quail eggshells: Where a country has to conclude, through years of research, that the symptoms its functionaries have faced are not the result of a global campaign by its adversaries. Which is nice. It’s nice when people don’t fight. But as of the time I’m writing this, a month since multiple intelligence agencies have ruled out any possibility of the 1500 cases spanning 96 countries being targeted attacks, no one actually knows what happened. What even is a “US Official”?

"There is no one explanation for any of this,” said one of those guys. Only on this planet could conclusive evidence lead to more ambiguity. This sort of “🤷” ionkno-ness is an American custom. Everyone sort of knows but they don’t know but they don’t care but it’ll all be alright but we do know but we don’t know how but at least they don’t know that we know but oh no maybe they’ve known all along.

So I’m to decide just how much to trust the Pentagon (if at all), discern all the intelligible information I have about this country’s history with foreign affairs (particularly with said adversaries), and whether or not to trust my gut when it calls out how ridiculous it sounds that some Cubans were shooting microwaves from their vintage Oldsmobiles that have the weight and turn radius of a dead elephant.

Life is responsibility as sport. We always have to figure out what we know, what we think we know, and what actually happened. The question of the 21st century had been whether we could truly know one another in the digital age. This question has sharply pivoted into whether we can know the truth.

agent provacouture

______

At the Westin Resort & Spa, on the edge of Cancun, they say Kyle Kuzma can’t get enough of LeBron shooting 21% from the 3 this post-season.

The NBA is a wholly confused product. Game attendance is at an all-time high yet ratings have slumped, refereeing in the league has a reputation that's proceeding itself into a primordial state, and the Warriors just won’t fucking go away. (NOTE: I started writing this before they got eliminated. Don’t believe the hype. “The dynasty might be over”? The Warriors are Kissinger-esque in their refusal to die.)

Furthermore, a significant amount of the regular season is inconsequential. For fans who do want to watch their team on a Monday afternoon, blackouts and restrictions throw sand in the gear. The best-of-seven postseason structure allows for some of the most pathetic stories, like James Harden’s phenomenal performance in Game 1 of the 76ers-Celtics series. Does the heart not corrode when only a few days after he proceeds to go 2-14 from the field? (NOTE: I wrote this before the series ended. I could use even worse examples from Game 7.)

ecause seven games are more than enough for a better team to understand how you murder you, and the regular season is so long that no one even cares until about mid-February, tanking is still prevalent throughout the league - Years after Sam Hinkie’s exile.

Tanking itself is indicative of the NBA’s anemic brand of contradiction. When owners were anonymously asked about their thoughts on Hinkie’s “Process” years ago, one owner said “They didn’t have to be that bad. It was just over the top. It was a disservice to their players.”

What is a reader supposed to do with that quote? What is a fan supposed to think? “It was a disservice to their players.” When the 76ers won 10 games in the 82-game 2015-16 season, the Brooklyn Nets won 21. The Knicks won 32. Jesus, that was the year we had Cleanthony Early. I hope Shabazz Muhammad really took home a sense of pride playing the wing for the 29-53 Timberwolves. What difference do 10 or 20 games really make?

The fall of “The Process” highlights that the truth is at total odds with the league, as it is with everything. No one genuinely knows why Hinkie left, but everyone knows why he left. Hinkie stated: “Given all the changes to our organization, I no longer have the confidence that I can make good decisions on behalf of investors in the Sixers — you.”

“So I should step down. And I have.”

That saga had the pith of an inflection point within the league. Years later, the same complaints reside. If anything, it feels like the NBA is suffering from a bout of homogeneity, one that it must face on what will be one of the most critical days in the league’s history: LeBron James’ last game.

---------

If the question of the new age is whether we can know the truth, the answer is a resounding “I guess.” Obsession with truth is moral barbarism. I first came to understand this when, a few months before the Pandemic kicked into gear in America, this country ignited yet another nuclear scare with Iran. I remember amidst all the fear and awesomeness of what I think is the third threat of war with Iran I’ve experienced in my lifetime, I would read what different pundits thought of the matter and watch these horrific videos of the “history of the conflict.” People frothing at the mouth to rationalize an entire history. I remember I’d text my cousin, who’d respond with his familiar Persian despondency. People rationalize horror as sport.

When the Ukraine conflict also kicked into gear, I read Cardi B’s thoughts to my coworker:

“Wish these world leaders stop tripping about power and really think about whose really getting affected (citizens) besides the whole world is in a crisis.War,sanctions,invasions should be the last thing these leaders should worry about.”

Honestly, yeah! My coworker promptly shut it down as a “neutral” take that inadvertently blahblahblah’s Putin and is dangerous and all that. The truth! The truth is tediously life-denying, like dental plaque.

with the joe from "you" profile pic and all

---------

“The truth is at total odds with the league” is harsh. If anything, the future of the league is dependent on the fervor that lies behind truth itself. Dependent on those who psychoanalyze Ja Morant’s upbringing, or compound themselves with Ben Simmons’ Instagram reels. People heard more about the supposed malignancy behind the MVP process than actually watching both frontrunners play the sport.

Draymond Green punching Jordan Poole in the face was a story that sparked the league at the onset of the season, and would continually reanimate throughout the year to come - Particularly whenever the team faced rather public woes. At the time of writing this, it’s come up again.

This obsession with drama as a pastime has become critical in the consumption of the sport, mostly because it’s fun. It’s fun to be deranged. The league is built on a growing collective derangement, which is unquestionably enjoyable to participate in. I do it myself all the time (I am a Draymond-called-KD-in-the-parking-lot truther). Its sustainability is up for debate, though.

Decades ago, the NBA and affiliated networks, particularly NBC, faced a stark drop-off in ratings immediately after Michael Jordan’s retirement(s). Although streaming and new ways to consume the sport have emerged, ratings feel stagnant based on every report.

Still, the caveat of new mediums shouldn’t be overlooked. Insiders in the league actually report that officials are “thrilled��� with the NBA’s viewership. There go the sources again. The “Officials.” This is where the assessment of the league’s quantitative future becomes questionable. At a certain point, I’m working with a modicum of known knowledge and a parking lot of assumptions. Sure, the league is kicking off a new media rights deal in a few years. I can pretend I understand the full parameters of what that means but why try?

At a certain point, it feels as if the question of the league’s future doesn’t solely lie within its quantitative success. There are many quantitative arguments for the world being better than it once was - But doesn’t it just feel gross outside?

his happy place

he vibe of the league is growing to be, like much of the world, echoic. Mimetic jelly wiggling to the stomps of yesterday’s giants. First came the advertisements on the courts, then the jerseys - Richard Jefferson is advising me on my DraftKings parlay right before the Dunkin’ halftime show presented by Rakuten. And always remember, this copyrighted broadcast of the National Basketball Association may not be retransmitted, reproduced, rebroadcast, or otherwise distributed or used in any form without the express written consent of the NBA. I try to turn my stream’s volume down a bit - An ad forcibly opens. Not porn. Worse: FanDuel.

In a way, it’s empowering that in the face of a monolithic, substantially more boring product, the consumers have found their own bedlamite way to make it fun. NBA fans are obsessed with drama. When people start lip reading, the obsession has now entered some proto-schizophrenic middle ground between brunch-time gossip and full-blown conspiracy. All that to discuss why Luka Dončić looks fatter this year.

So fans are obsessed more than ever, yet numbers are stagnant otherwise. It’s fitting that this is the case. Again, with cable cutting and blackouts, it’s more difficult to tune in to a game. Furthermore, there are just too many of them. Drama is unquestionably a promotional tool. In fighting sports, drama builds and leads up to the “big night.” There are hundreds of nights in the league, and even the most anticipated ones lack the same weight. You can’t get a Game 7 every night. Drama generally resides, and stays, off the court in the NBA.

One of Adam Silver’s major policy changes came in the recently added Play-In Tournament, which has melded a heightened need for drama with the sport itself. The tourney opens up breathing room for lower-ranking squads, allowing teams that would otherwise succumb to the tank, such as the Hawks or the Thunder, to actually try.

This greater sense of pressure has resulted in higher viewership and gifted fans with the drama they’d previously do most of the heavy lifting for. Kyle Anderson and Rudy Gobert had a very public, and very funny, fight in the very last game of the season - While the Mavericks decided to call it quits at the absolute last hour and openly admit to tanking, resulting in a 750k fine for Mark Cuban.

Creating the Play-In Tournament in 2021 was a good step. The controversial decision to shorten the length of the season could potentially be another. I’m not necessarily sure if I’d want that, but it’s something to consider. Although the aforementioned media rights plan in a few years is an important date for the commissioner to consider, another critical date that’s on the league’s mind is the eventual retirement of LeBron James.

In a way, the league feels as if it needs to prep itself for a post-Bron world. It seems like, by all measures, LeBron will stay attached to the league one way or another, but his clear impact on the numbers of the sport for the sport’s sake cannot be overstated. Whether it be his absence, his switch to the Western Conference, or even his move to Miami a decade ago, the league’s quantitative success has been tied directly to his every move.

What’s significant is that, with LeBron, people have tuned in…to tune in. There is an enjoyment in watching one of the great athletes of the sport play. He is the face of the league, and questions of who will take over the reins feel futile. A two-decade (and counting!) career is hard to erase, and like Jordan, the league will undoubtedly feel his absence. The onus on raking in views will grow on the league’s end, and what it decides to do is key.

To put it simply: Just how committed is the league to its more Grecian qualities?

In preparation for LeBron’s absence, it feels as if the media industrial complex is working at an unprecedented rate. Michael Wilbon and Stephen A. cannot stop talking about Draymond stomping on Sabonis. Why? Do we need another ten-minute segment on Ja Morant’s suburbia complex? It feels as if the league is starting to recognize just how much its media subsidiaries can act as proxy states and funnel more attention through the same incessant drama that it either repudiates or condemns - Drama that was once reserved for people who were bored and fucking around.

Honestly, people aren’t totally foregone on the sport itself. Even though regular season views were stagnant, playoff views have been up. Over 9 million people tuned in to watch the Sacramento Kings! People enjoy good basketball. They also enjoy paranoiac claims that Paul Pierce shit himself and had to use a wheelchair to take care of business mid-game. To be fair, he did.

The product itself is structurally sound. In the face of its greatest athlete leaving, and an increased colorlessness through advertising, the league has a few options: Either continue to tweak the sport itself, retaining and even improving the experience all while protecting the fans’ need to fuck around and engage with gossip however they please - Or make the very boring mistake of doubling down on the spectacle, much like Formula 1 has done, ironically relegating games to supplemental viewing in pursuit of bolstered ratings.

The league will be fine, but it runs the risk of being boring, and soon the offense of being lame.

imagine my excitement when i found this pic

[antaniashanae]

Five EFFECTIVE Self-Care Practices for the New Year

1. Review your monthly budget:

The inflation had a lot of us in shambles! The cost of a 1 bedroom apartment is nearly $2k! Gas prices are ridiculous and you can forget about purchasing eggs. What’s going to be important is making sure we are “protecting our chicken” as Marshawn Lynch would say. How we prioritize entertainment and leisure in our lives, limiting our Happy Hour outings, and our NorthPark trips. Instead, every coin should be accounted for: Rent, utilities, groceries, gas, true necessities, savings, our investments like 401K, stocks, properties, etc. Money is never free.

2. Create a new skincare regimen

Bring the spa to your home! Consider the small details of your favorite spa, whether it’s the color of the towels, the diffuser on the shelf, or the sounds of meditation playing in the background. You can add those touches to your regimen. This new spa-like facial will have you glistening in minutes! Don’t forget your Vitamin C serum! 🙂

*check out my top 5 Vitamin C serums here:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRgea3Sv/

3. Read self help books

I don’t know about you, but I’m always aiming to do better and expand myself. I love the feeling of progress even if it’s minor. Self-reflection makes you hungry for growth and excellence!

*Here’s a phenomenal list of self-help books:

4. Change your number

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but… do it. It’s sorta like moving to a new city. It’s an opportunity for a fresh start and a clean slate. We know there are some people who do not deserve access to you and they shouldn’t. Protect your peace, friend. Change it NOW!

5. Organize your spaces

As a writer and one who enjoys the tranquility of her home, organization is crucial for success-in anything. Do you know how discombobulated I feel when my work spaces are in disarray? I’m not the most productive, in fact, I’m sure I’m useless. Depending on how long this lasts, it could also reflect in my attitude. So, 🗣️“What are we gonna do?” 🗣️ORGANIZE! 🗣️ “When are we gonna do it?” 🗣️AT SOME POINT! 🙇🏾‍♀️🙄😂

In this new season, we have to adopt healthier habits. And to get better results requires consistency and in some cases, boundaries need to be set. We’ve got this!

[books-and-catears]

I was wondering if anyone else thought the Angel event kinda unsettling. At first I was like "There outfits are so cool!" "Haha Mammon has to behave", but as it when on I just wanted my boys back because these good boi versions are creeping me out. How would the brothers react to an MC with the same reaction. Like they avoid them while in angel forms and when they finally revert back to normal they hug them and wont let go. "Don't ever change! I love you the way you are!"

Awww this is so cute. Personally I didn't mind them being all nice and stuff because I knew that the bracelets were causing it and it gave me some insight into what they might have been like as angels.

But yes after a while, you start to miss them and all their antics haha. Sorry this took so long. I had so many asks piled up and I am the biggest procastinator I know. Hope I could do it justice?

Lucifer

Lucifer: MC where are you going again? You barely finished your tea.

MC: I just need to get some fresh air that's all.

Lucifer: Is something wrong MC? Have I done something to upset you? I'm sorry..

MC: No this... This just isn't...you.

Lucifer: But aren't you always asking to be kinder? Nicer? I am now, believe me.

MC: Yes but....it's not you. *leaves*

After the bracelet snaps.

Lucifer: MC, may I come in now?

MC: Lucifer? Are you back to being-

Lucifer: Yes I am. Apologies about the ridiculous thing making me act differently, simply baffling how chaos is a continuos thing in this household- MC?

MC: *runs and hugs him* You're back. Stay this way. Never change.

Lucifer: *laughs* Of course not MC. Wouldn't want you running off from me again now, would we?

Mammon

Mammon: Look MC I have another gift for you!

MC: Mammon I said I don't want it!

Mammon: Really is there nothing I can give you?

MC: Mammon you've given away half your stuff to me, including Goldie.

Mammon: Yes because I don't need it! If rather you have it and- MC don't go away!

MC: I'll come back when you're you again.

After the bracelet snaps,

Mammon: GODAMNIT WHERE'S ALL MY STUFF??

MC: *returning his things* Here! You gave it all away to me and your brothers.

Mammon: I DID WHAT?! I really lost my mind! If only my brothers were as cooperating as you ugh!

MC: Haha yeah but now you're back! Always stay this way Mammon. *Hugs him tight*

Mammon: *blushes* O-oi! What are ya doing? *softens down and hugs you back anyway* Also you can keep some of my stuff, if ya want...

Leviathan

Levi: Ah MC, sorry for calling you so suddenly. I just wanted to give you this.

MC: *gasps* Your Ruri figurines?! Levi no!

Levi: Oh yes! I don't need them anymore. Oh here are some more of new games.

MC: But Levi all this is precious to you-

Levi: Nah not anymore. No more staying in my room and gaming either. I'm planning to go out a lot! Will come with me MC?

MC: No. Not like this. *Runs away*

After bracelet snaps,

Levi: MC! PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE MY-

MC: Yes yes right here. *Hands him a box of his stuff*

Levi: Oh thank Diavolo! Also my room is so clean I can't seem to find anything!?! Ah I will be in my room for the next few hours trying to find stuff,okay?!

MC: *giggles* Oh jeez you did clean it pretty good! *hugs him* Welcome back Levi.

Levi: *blushes furiously* H-huh? MC what's gotten into you!!? W-would you like..like...to come along??

Satan

Satan: MC did something happen? You seem upset.

MC: Satan, someone stole your books! I tried to stop them they were too fast!

Satan: Ah it's books MC. They probably wanted to learn.

MC: No! It was those book-burning hooligans remember? The ones that almost burnt down the RAD library!

Satan: Ah that's sad. But anger wont do us any good, we must learn to forgive and forget. MC..wait ... you're leaving?

MC: Yes. I can't be with you when you're like this.

After the bracelet snaps,

Satan: I can't believe I let my damn books be stolen like this! Dont tell me they took yours too!?

MC: ...A few of them.

Satan: How many MC? How many did they take from you?

MC: Around 12...

Satan: Well they are about to have 12 of their joints broken each and... MC? *Blushes* I can't go anywhere if you hold me like this.

MC: Sorry. I'm just too happy you're back. Let me hold you some more first!

Asmodeus

Asmo: Look MC, you really don't have to worry so much about it!

MC: You're all changing, Asmo!

Asmo: Isn't that wonderful? Now we're all beautiful inside and out! Especially inside!

MC: I know that but- Asmo what are you doing?! Why are you throwing all your serums and creams away?

Asmo: Ah MC, all this isn't needed for internal beauty!

MC: Ugh I can't take this anymore!

After the bracelet snaps,

Asmo: MC you're a true angel! I can't believe you saved all my stuff! Thank you! *Hugs them tight*

MC: I knew you would need all of this when you came around!

Asmo: Ah! Look at that! I completely missed my morning routine! Come we'll have an extensive relaxing spa day today!

MC: Yes we are definitely in need of relaxing.

Asmo: *continues to list of a bunch of various skin treatments*

MC: *kisses his cheek* Never change, Asmo.

Asmo: *blushes* Never ever MC.

Beelzebub

Beel: It's okay MC, I really want you to have it.

MC: Beel you've emptied out the fridge and not even for yourself. Are you really not hungry?

Beel: Well my stomach aches occasionally but one must not eat so much!

MC: Oh Beel this isn't good...

Beel: It's really okay MC! My hunger is the least of all worries. Come help me feed the hunger demons.

MC: *leaving* This isn't going to end well. I can't stand by and watch.

After bracelet breaks,

Beel: *rolling in the his bed, almost breaking it in pain* MC...my stomach is killing me... do you have anything to-

MC: ITS OKAY I SAVED UP ALL THE FOOD I COULD! Come here I'll feed you!

Beel: *resting his head on your shoulder with soft eyes* Thank you MC...thank you...food is more delicious when you feed me!

MC: And that's my Beel. *Kisses the top of his head*

Beel: *blushes* Are you really never annoyed by my constant hunger?

MC: Nah uh. It's who you are and you're lovely the way you are.

Belphegor

MC: Belphie? I was supposed to wash the dishes. Why are you doing it?

Belphie: I'm doing everyone's chores today, MC. Please take rest.

MC: But that's a lot of chores... Are you sure you're not tired?!

Belphie: I barely ever did my chores that was so wrong of me. I'm just trying to make up for it. Why do you look upset?

MC: Ugh you've been working all day. You'll wear yourself out like this.

After the bracelet breaks,

Belphie: WHY. AM. I. SO. TIRED.

MC: I knew it.

Belphie: How much work did I do MC?? I'm so tired I can't even fall asleep...

MC: Come here. You need a lot of rest. You were almost working like Barbatos today.

Belphie: *putting his head in MC's lap* And you weren't happy about that?

MC: Nah I like my lazy little Belphie better. Atleast when he wants to do stuff I know he means it.

Belphie: *blushes* I don't mind doing chores if it's you...

[thenastyotherblog]

Having Vlad King & Hound Dog as BFF’S ft. Quirkless!Reader

Childhood friends.

Very overprotective, you basically have two pro-heroes being your bodyguards.

You being quirkless gives them more reason to want to protect you even tho you can clearly take care of yourself.

Absolutely going all big-brother like if someone tries to bully you.

Calling you multiple times if there was a villain attack near your home/workplace.

Since you know them since you guys were kids, you have a lot of stories to tell.

That you wont hesitate to use as payback when they annoy you.

"Did you know Ryo used to yelp like a puppy when he was a kid? It was so adorable"

"And Seki used to be so sick to his stomach when he saw blood"

They know better than to get in your bad side.

Along with Sekijiro you are one of the few if not the only people who can understand Ryo when he has a fit of anger.

And even more rare, you can actually calm him down.

You have to climb him and get on his face but you do the work.

Drinking buddies.

Playing, rock, paper, scissors to determinate who will be the designated driver.

Its a tricky job, because not only the chosen one have to deal with Sekijiro's never ending rambling about class A, try and calm down and excited/angered Ryo or keep you from doing anything stupid.

Nobody wins.

More than not, YOU are the designated driver.

Its quite the sight, you trying to drag these two drunk idiots back into your car and into your apartment.

You already know they will crash so you prepared the guest futons in advance.

If you three get drunk, you will share the bed.

Not like you mind cuz these two are very warm and nice to be in between.

When the stars align and both of them have their day off, they will chose to spend it with you.

Little get-together, where you cook some food and they bring the drinks/desserts.

Cuz they love your cooking.

"Get-together this weekend?"

"Yeah why not, is Ryo coming?"

"You know he is"

"Ok, so im gonna need to buy more meat and veggies"

SPA DAYS.

Im talking facemasks, wearing those ridiculous cute hairbands, maybe even do each other nails.

Brushing Ryo's mane.

You being the designated dogsitter for Sekijiro's dog.

"Yo, your dog loves me more than he loves you"

"Bullshit, he loves me. Come here boy!"

Dog's inmediatly goes to you.

"Told ya"

Having the exclusive privilege of cuddling Ryo.

Bet the man is soft as hell, not to mention warm, so you are specially cuddly during winter.

Ryo constantly complaining that he is not your personal heater.

Both of them having a crush on you at some point.

[diavolosthots]

How would the brothers react to an mc that feels bad for receiving gifts because they feel bad about the bros spending money on them

Omg you just called out half the fandom

THE BROTHERS reacting to MC feeling bad when they spend money on them

Lucifer:

His love language is very much gift giving. He’s a very busy demon and quality time is limited as it is, so besides words of affirmation, his go to love language is gift giving. He loves to spoil his partner in every way possible and that means a lot of, and often quite expensive, gifts. To hear that it makes you uncomfortable has him on the fence. On one hand, he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but on the other hand this IS his love language and he doesn’t want to not spoil you. So, the obvious medium is compromising. He’ll still gift you things but he’ll tone it down for you. Even though he’s just slowly getting you used to being treated like the royalty that you are. 

Mammon:

Well good thing he hates spending money on people! All jokes aside, he does very much want to drown you in all the golds and riches he can get his hands on because it is what you deserve; however, he himself prefers quality time and touch over anything so he kind of gets it. He’ll tone it down for you but don’t think he’ll never buy you random gifts again because he definitely will. Now, please give your *awesome* boyfriend a hug. 

Leviathan:

His love language is more acts of service, so you hit a nice one with this guy! He’s also just completely confused on what to buy you, if he ever does need to buy you anything. His go to things would be merch and you’ll probably drown in those on christmas and your birthday, but other than that, just tell him he shouldn’t spend too much on you and he will actually thank you for being a cool significant other who isn’t trying to rob him of his hard earned money (that he totally blows on stuff for himself anyway)

Satan:

Hm… so he’s not okay with never gifting you anything ever. He will buy a gold necklace just because he thinks it suits you, or a specific movie that he knows you’ll like. He also will probably perform a mental evaluation because it’s not normal to feel ‘unworthy’ of receiving gifts. Your parents beat you as a kid and called you a waste of space? Yeah he’s been there too *cough* Lucifer *cough* (for legal reasons: I am joking). Anyway, you deserve to be treated well and he’ll still gift you a nice coffee date or a book you’ve been wanting to get, but he will try not to go too overboard… unless it’s your birthday because then he goes all out. 

Asmodeus:

*insert gasp that ends in hyperventilation here* Oh you KNOW his love language is acts of service and gift giving. Of course he’s going to spoil you! Like, a lot. You better be prepared for all inclusive spa days, ridiculously priced clothes, make up and or hair products you could never afford on your own… he has a REALLY hard time stopping this because to him, everyone deserves to be beautiful and wanted and loved and cared for. You need to be shown real love and that you are worthy of all these things, and he probably won’t tone it down as much as you would like him to. 

Beelzebub:

He’s more of a quality time/acts of service guy himself and truly expensive gifts from him are rare. Sure, he’ll surprise you with a nice dinner date every once in a while, or buy you that shirt that you glanced at a little too long while you guys were down town, but it’s not excessive and it’s not expensive, most of the time. You need to be okay with him doing those little things because even if he stops that completely for a while, he will end up feeling bad about it because to him, you at least deserve the little cute things. 

Belphegor:

Much like Beelzebub, he prefers other things other than gift giving. As a matter of fact, dinner dates are about as far as he goes. No, you’re not paying the bill. He’ll eat the bill before you can even think about it, so don’t. Other than that, gifts are pretty much limited until the holidays and or your birthday. His love language is definitely more touch and quality time over anything. Just don’t say you hate cuddling because then you DO have an issue. 

[astaroth1357]

A Lazy Day with MC and the Brothers

I was just chilling one day and thought about how a lazy day in with our boys might be like… I like hijinks, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes we ought to slow down too, you know?

Check my Masterlist for more!

Warning: Slight NSFW-ish? I dunno how to tag innuendo...

Lucifer

First off, hats off for managing to convince the guy to just do nothing for any length of time. That’s some seriously impressive persuasive powers, MC, you sure you don’t know how to charm?

Lazy Lucifer=Sleepy Lucifer. He spends so many nights up late getting work done then follows it up by getting up early in order to wrangling his brothers. It's honestly like it all catches up with him... He’s sleeping in and he’s sleeping in HARD.

Might text one of his brothers to bring them in a late breakfast at some point (never mind the fact it’s practically dinner). Beel would be the one most likely to agree to it, but he also may just eat whatever he picked up on the way there so hopefully someone else is feeling charitable… Try Asmo.

Honestly, his entire goal is to not leave the bedroom at all. If he leaves, then he runs the risk of people seeing him… wait for it... relaxing. Oh, just imagine the scandal!!

Some classical music, a bit of conversation, and maybe a good book in bed would all sound like heaven to him. They may have to get up to make some tea to go along with it, just remind him that drinking coffee on your recharge days can have the opposite effect. The taste of coffee could always just end up reminding him of work anyway…

The evening can go one of two ways. Calm and peaceful or "stress relieving." If they chose the stress relieving option, best be prepared because he'll have a whole night's worth of stress to let out and he's going to need some help… 😏

Mammon

He’s going to want to be close to the MC the whole time, they can hold onto him or him onto them, whatever works. It doesn’t matter as long as there’s still some kind of contact happening.

A whole day with just him and the MC? And they don’t even have to be doing anything? Where can he sign up??

Cue a lot of doing nothing in particular with Mammon tangled up on them in some way: hugging their waist while he checks his phone, resting their legs on his lap during a gaming session, wrapping himself around them while they just have casual conversation. That kind of thing.

When they eventually get hungry then he might pop down to the kitchen and make them some instant noodles (I wouldn’t trust much else he tries to make since… well we know he kind of just adds whatever’s around to his food).

He might start getting a little restless part of the way through the day though, so they’re going to have to do something to get that energy out… 🤔

Use your imagination, I know this fandom can.

Leviathan

The reigning Prince of Lazy Days. Everything about Levi screams “goof off/game night buddy” (at least if the MC is a fellow otaku anyway).

He probably didn’t sleep the night before because he was playing/watching something so the morning will go down one of two ways: 1) He just pulls an all-nighter and begins to progressively lose his mind as the day goes on, or 2) He’s dead to the world until 2pm. Only one of those options is entertaining so you know what I'm going with.

Things will go pretty smoothly through the morning. They don’t have to go anywhere because his room has plenty of snacks so they can just chill out and watch anime or play video games.

Buuut stuff will get more dicey as the afternoon rolls around and his sleep deprivation sets in. He’ll start losing a lot of his filter and may ramble for even longer than normal with even less coherency. He’ll also get more um… "bold" than usual.

Or he may just want to cuddle with them while he babbles on about how much he loves them and how warm they are and how much they remind him of Henry, which reminds him have they seen the latest season of “My Life with Seven Demon Brothers Who All Love Me!” yet because the main character there also reminds him of them and-

He’ll pass out eventually, probably latched onto them somehow with his tail around them tenderly. Don’t bring it up to him in the morning because he will unsuccessfully try to deny it ever happened.

Satan

Not opposed to the occasional lazy day. It actually does good for his nerves since holding in all that pent-up anger can feel like stuffing an elephant into a tea kettle sometimes...

They’re going to want to get him out of his bedroom or the library if they don’t want to fight for his attention against whatever new book he’s eating through today. When the man gets engrossed then it’s like nothing else matters, the House could split in two and he'll only notice if he suddenly can’t reach his drink anymore...

May actually be advantageous to go outside with him, take a nice stroll around the House while having some interesting conversation. They could poke his brain about anything that suits their fancy while they’re out amongst the trees and nature.

If they don’t want to go outside and rather take their chances with the book then okay but the engrossment problem still applies. He may even forget to eat...

Best way to combat his lack of attention is to be a little brat that’s juuust cute enough not to piss him off. It’s a delicate balance. That means getting real close to him, like sitting on his legs, and just occasionally reminding him of their presence with longing looks while tapping, flicking, or messing with the book from time to time (yes, kind of like an attention-seeking cat).

Play it just right and they’ll get attention on them alright, but he may also be looking to punish his “needy kitty." Hope that’s what they’re aiming for... 🤷‍♀️

Asmodeus

Really? They want to do nothing? Nothing at all? Are they sure they don’t want to do him instead...? 😏

A relaxing day with Asmo is more or less like a day spent wrapped up in mutual worship and adoration. The guy wants all of their attention and love but he’ll return it and then some. As long as they treat him like the love of their lives it will honestly be like having their own day spa day in Heaven.

If the MC wants to relax, then he’s just the sort to know how to provide for them both. The only question is how do they want it?

The man can give them a full treatment, I mean, just look at his bathroom alone! A good soak in a hot bath, facial masks, back massages, mani-pedis, just say the word MC and he’s more than willing to bestow whatever their little heart desires. That’s his job, isn’t it?

Asmo may be a party boy, but if it’s a little TLC you need, emphasis on the T, then look no farther MC. He’s the guru.

On the flipside if they’re looking for a little release well… who better to ask than Asmo right? He’ll make sure they’ll never want to leave that bed again. 🤭

Beelzebub

As long as snacks are still involved then he’s all in, babe. He’ll do nothing with them all day as long as they keep him fed.

Two words. Couples. Cooking. They can’t skip a meal with Beel so if they’re going to spend lazy time with the dude then they better be planning on being a tag along to the kitchen.

It doesn’t have to be a super strict though, it’s not like they’re not cooking with Barbatos or anything, so they can goof off and make a bit of a mess together. Chances are Beel will eat the ingredients to whatever they’re making anyway so... 😅

A lot of lingering touches and just being close to each other as they go. He might want to hold their waist while they stir or they end up feeding each other in cutesy ways... Really it’s a ridiculously wholesome time.

At one point a food fight may break out and they'll cover themselves in flour, tomato sauce, or some other kind of messy food substance...

Careful, MC. Whatever they get covered in will likely only make them look more delicious to him and he might want to "clean them off".... They'll need to take that out of the kitchen, though, like what if someone needs a snack??

Belphegor

The reigning King of Lazy Days. Take notes, MC, for you are watching the Master at work...

Sleeping in and cuddling is a must. He will not let them leave the bed all morning for anything less than a Category Four Emergency (i.e. “I’m going to starve to death” or “I really gotta go piss”). He will pin them under his sleeping body if he has to!

Once they’ve thoroughly missed breakfast and half past noon rolls around he might call in takeout from Hell’s Kitchen for them to eat in the attic room. Expect some cheeky conversation, probably jokes at the expense of his brothers. Cuddling is still absolutely happening, of course, they cannot shake him off.

May borrow an anime from Levi to watch while they snuggle on the couch. He has all the best blankets in the House so they will be neither cold nor uncomfortable throughout.

His hands get a little grabby during these kinds of cuddle sessions, especially during tense moments in the show because he likes to give them a little jolt to make them yelp, the jerk... 😖

If he manages to not drift off during the show (flip a coin on that chance) the night will end in the planetarium, backs on a pile of blankets while they draw pictures in the stars… All hail the King. 😏

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph, you’re amazing at what you do. I just want to know from a true connoisseur, which 3 fics do you think you’ve read and re-read the most number of times? As in, 3 ultimate comfort fics.

Hi Nonny!

Ooof, I’ve been asked a similar question here a couple weeks ago, but hmm, this is actually something I never really had to think hard about! EXCEPT CAN I GIVE YOU 5? Because 5 immediately came to mind. Is that okay?? OMG I’m so sorry. Plus 5 is a number I like better than three, sorry :P Another weird tic of mine. 

No surprise which is my first, hahah:

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

It’s just such a joy to read every single time, and I never skip any parts at all. Start to finish EVERY TIME. 

Next:

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

This was my first Parentlock fic I read and it’s why I now do read Parentlock. Still one of my favourites, and it’s short enough to read in one sitting. It’s just so sweet, and Sherlock is SO precious, and GAH I LOVE it. Another start-to-finish. Which then brings me to this one:

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

I REALLY like this fic because it’s Sherlock POV and it’s him learning about his feelings for John. THOUGH I feel bad admitting that lately, rereads usually start around Ch. 30, because I love John showing up all BAMFy in Ch. 34 and essentially tells the social workers to piss off. And Sherlock is RIDICULOUSLY adorably in love with John so much in this fic. I’ve reread the whole story enough to know what happens before Ch. 30, and all the smoopy stuff happens after that. BUT DON’T think I don’t love this story. I DO. A LOT. I just... Sometimes need certain parts of a story RIGHT now, and that one singular scene is one of them, and I always just keep going from there. :P

Next:

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

I just really love this one. It’s painfully sweet and OH GOD I love how much they fall for each other and HARRY IS TWINSIES AND SHE’S AWESOME. Love it. It’s such a feel-good fic with a great ending. Love it.

And:

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

THIS FIC. GUH. Just, the way John pieces together how much Sherlock pines for him is ACHINGLY beautiful, that all comes together in a really tender scene in a pool. It’s the pool scene we should have had. UGH. AND SHAMPOO. And best friend Lestrade essentially telling John he’s a moron, LOL. LOVE this fic. I’m SO glad I finally remembered this one was the one with the Shampoo and the spa day.

-----

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY not my only always reads. In fact:

Top 30 Read-Again Fics (March 2019)

Top 30 Read-Again Fics Pt. 2 (Sept. 2019)

And I could TOTALLY do another 30 EASILY. The second one, I remember whittling it down quite a bit, LOL. These are just the first five that came to mind right away. I could also add these five:

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w., 26 Ch. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Frottage, Nightmares, Sleepy Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Humour, Fluff, Dancing, Cooking, Happy Ending) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Perdition's Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., 21 Ch. || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w., 19 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate's charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

---------

OKAY I NEED TO CUT HERE or I will go on and ON and ON. Hope this answers your question alright <3

[gerbithats]

A long sims 4 rant

Starting this I can already predict it’s gonna be a big one so if you stick with me, thank you and I’ll try and add pictures to make things feel easier 😆

I was thinking about it and I mean really thinking about these community surveys we’ve been getting and how they speak volumes on the way the game is handled but also also how we position ourselves as a community. I noticed alot more game changers are starting to get pretty vocal about their thoughts since the first community survey came out and that’s refreshing to say the least, but it shows a pattern that we all present: give us what is missing no matter how. We want beaches. We want cars. We want more stairs. We want bunkbeds. Etc.

So these things are probably somehow rushed into production to please the community and then, when we finally get it, it’s like we finally realize that what this game truly lacks is gameplay and not more items.

I invite you to come and think about the packs and the stuff we got throughout these 6 years with me.

🏢 Chapter 1: The apartment issue 

Yes we got apartment buildings with city living, but sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it’s a game feature because it’s L I T E R A L L Y related to living in a city, so it’s not a real feature. We have no possible way to play with apartments and condos outside of san myshuno because for the first time ever we can’t build or own apartments. This was such a missed opportunity of giving us new lot treatments like condos and even rentable properties. I mean, just think about how those 2 features could allow so much new gameplay and stories with it (I can literally imagine being a landlord, having to go fix renters stuff in my their places and doing social events as condo meetings).

The neighbors in that type of lot could also help solve somehow what so many people mention as “boring lot gameplay”. Let’s be real. hardly something ever happens with so little npcs and only the walk by sims (You have to literally run after them to make things happen sometimes and it shouldn’t be like that). But if sims were to live in the same condo or building as yours, sharing common living spaces that’s a whole other thing. Which brings me to the fact that even in the city, where apartments exist, there’s no common area other than the halls. Imagine if we could build laundries, rooftops, basements, patios with pools and all that sort of stuff.

That sort of detaling and really getting deep into the pack’s features is even show in elevators: we can’t use them ourselves (for building) and they’re not even animated, your sim is just teleported (even the modded ones have animations and that’s just awkward).

🌊 Chapter 2: Swimming in shallow waters

“We want a beach”, we said. So they gave us a beach, and a beach only. I’ve never seen so many people call a pack “shallow” as I’ve seen it happen to Island Living and tbh I do agree with them ‘cause... there’s really not much to do in this pack. For the first time ever swimming was restricted to this pack which is already a big let down by itself, but then features like deep diving were added for no reason and of course, as a rabbit whole, not actually contributing with much to do. So how could it be better?

My answer is pretty obvious: resorts. It is a livable world, but that don’t mean your sims can’t take a vacation from work and just stay there if that’s the gameplay you want to go with and resorts match perfectly with that, not to mention it would have great integration with packs like spa day. It also means a new lot type and lot system, that wouldn’t be much new if the city living building condos and sublocating them as I mentioned would’ve already been implemented, but now with the feature of renting it yourself too. Resorts could also have their own event schedules, integrated with the seasons calendar: cava parties every wednesday, yoga lessons on thursdays, etc. And the best thing would be: if you own one, you can make your own events and traditions. imagine just how fun that would be. A feature like this would also mean it’s already done for other packs coming later on, maybe a colder destination where you can ski and build iglus or even another cultural based pack like jungle adventure.

Other obvious resolution would be better mermaids. Make it harder to become one, being only able to get the kelp from a mermaid themselves. Make it less anticlimactic, having an animation of them turning before they just walk in water with a tail all of the sudden, maybe just some scales in their legs. Give them more unique features and powers like vampires and spellcasters have, such as easily persuading people (sort of like the mind control feature aliens have) and maybe even a secret lot, like a grotto where all the mermaids are. Give them curses with the points system to go with it, some mermaids are actually sirens amirite

🥶 Chapter 3: Seasons change, gameplay stays the same

Activities truly based on the season that are specific to that moment create urgency and different moments. Something I can think of is integrating a pack we already have: spooky stuff. It does feel lackluster ‘cause it’s missing opportunities, but imagine going trick or treating but actually going, loading different houses and gathering it while a meter like the active jobs one guided you. Forming groups with friends to do it or maybe for tpeing trees and bushes if you’re on the rebel teen side and destroying their porch jack’o lanterns. It could even be randomly generated, like the game would send you to 3 different houses to do it (that would bring lots of replayability value ‘cause you could end up in houses with neighbors that love you and will give you candy no problem, but maybe also neighbors with family feuds that won’t answer their door or make it harder for you to accomplish the event objectives), maybe one of those could even be a abandoned one that’s haunted or something like that.

The implementing of a better wants and fears system is very essential for this pack. Yes your sims get overheated and a popup message tells you they need some water or lighter clothes, but it’d be so good if they’d actually want to go to the beach, swim in the ocean, take a vacation from work and go to a resort. Heatwaves that would make your sim act weird, not strangerville level of weird, but maybe not obeying your commands.

Blizzards so strong that work and school would get canceled and you actually don’t have the option to leave your home lot anymore until it passes would not only add a different element to the gameplay, but also add value to the weather controler machine.

🥺 Final chapter: The general “more stuff to do” and “more things happening” factor

The game offers all these beautiful secret worlds and yet when you finally get to them there’s not much to do other than searching for rocks and frogs and doing some fishing. I miss going to a community lot hidden somewhere and finding an eremite, goddamn bigfoot, some crazy npc or even just an actual community lot with something to do and people doing stuff in it. Unique community lots would also be a way to make towns more lively and captivating like they did so well with realm of magic and the casters alley section of the world. Maybe forgotten hollow has this abandoned haunted house where people claim they’ve seen the grim reaper walking around. Maybe sixam has a alien station where they clone human sims. Maybe sulani has this beautiful sunken ship beach where a club of people that dress up as pirated meet. Maybe Del Sol Valley has a movie theater where you can watch premieres. Maybe Oasis Springs mine hides actual gold that you can collect and get rich outta nowhere. That kind of stuff.

I can’t stress this enough, but NPCs are so important to shake things up. It was so good to have a pack like realm of magic where the we would have to go to the three sages in order to progress. Having unique sims like this or npcs that change the way your story is going like burglars, firefighters, cops, social bunny, bonehilda and even a fortune teller is so important to keep things impredictable and interesting.

Age groups really need more specific restricted gameplay for better feel of progression. Many people say sims 4 is a young adult simulator and well... there’s not much to show that differs from that. Toddlers are as interesting as hamsters, locked in an object waiting for you to feed, clean and give them attention. Teens really should feel more like a transiction period, and the wants and fears system would really help out with that. I miss being able to participate in more elements that would mark a sims life even if they’re cheesy as heck, like having a prom, graduating, having a midlife crises.

In conclusion

First of all: if you got to this point thank you and I’d really wanna know what you think about all of this.

Some people may find even ridiculous for someone to go about a rant this big on a game and to that I have to say I agree lol I can’t help it tho, honestly, the sims has always been the game I’m most passionate about and it helped me express myself and my creativity so much since I was a kid. I really do care about this game and this franchise.

The point I want to make with this is: perhaps we shouldn’t ask for more and more different stuff, but actually put some effort into showing things we already like in the game and how they can be improved to make it more interesting. At the end of the day I still want spiral staircases, ladders, paintable ceiling, werewolves and all that but does it really matter if they get added to the game following the same patterns as the things pointed in here? Also we really are getting to a point where only a few things are missing as far as cas/build/buy go and I believe it’s time for us, as a community, to give gameplay as much importance as all these things we wanted so bad that got implemented. I probaby forgot to say something here and I didn’t even mention the infamous hamster pack, but anyway, I hope the point got across.

I try really hard to believe that the gurus are here for us and that most of all we, as a community, have a very strong voice, all we need to do is make it clearer and stronger about the things we really wish for this game.

[teamhook]

Chaste Love :: The 40 Year(ish) Old Virgin CS AU for CSMM

Thank you @ultraluckycatnd for being the amazing patient beta she is!

Thank you to the @captainswanmoviemarathon and the CSMM Discord shipmates!

JUST TO CONFIRM NO CHEST HAIR WAS HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS CHAPTER

|AO3| |FFN|

Arthur had walked by and caught the whole thing. As soon as Emma and Henry left, he approached Killian's workstation with a wide smile. "Killian Jones, are you befriending the son to get in with the mom? I never thought you'd have that in you."

Killian scoffs, "I would never."

"That was the hot girl I was helping the other day right? Damn, she is looking good, but I don't deal with kids." Arthur shudders.

Killian glares. "She is a beautiful lass, I admit, but I would never use the lad for nefarious intentions. He is a good kid."

"Well, if you are interested, you should go for it. Maybe she will pop your cherry. She obviously has experience."

Killian shakes his head. "Whatever. I'm going back to work as you should too."

"Hey Killian, go for it!" Arthur laughs as he watches the other man disappear into his workspace.

Later before the end of the workday, Arthur saunters back to Killian's work area. "Hey, Killian. How about we take you out for a makeover? If you are interested in the lovely lady, this will help your chances."

"We? Who is we exactly?" Killian asked cautiously without rejecting the offer.

Arthur grinned. "David, Robin, and myself. We are taking you for a makeover, maybe get you some clothes. I know, a leather jacket to make the ladies swoon and fall at your feet. Or knees, if you know what I mean." Arthur's eyebrows waggle.

Killian's nose wrinkles in disgust. "I don't know. I like the way I dress."

"But do the ladies? Killian, come on. We can wax your chest hair. I have it done all the time and the ladies love it," Arthur says as he mentally made a list of what needed to be done.

Killian wonders for a moment if perhaps a lovely blonde would be attracted to such changes.

Hesitantly, Killian agrees. After work, he goes shopping with Arthur, David, and Robin. The men argue amongst themselves on what would be a better look for Killian.

Killian stands idly by as he waits for them to agree on anything. He wanders off to see if anything catches his eye. When he told his brother about the proposed makeover over the phone, Liam had urged him to accept the offer and added, "Have some fun little brother, and open your heart to the possibility of love." Killian knows his heart was open after meeting Emma; he just doesn't know how to close the deal.

Soon, the group of men stood outside a Spa and Salon while still arguing about the pros and cons of waxing Killian's chest. Arthur claims that women preferred it. Robin and David argue they preferred a natural look. They did agree that back hair was not appealing at all. While Killian wavers with his decision, Arthur goes in to get his own chest done. A short time later, Killian says firmly he will not do it once the men witness Arthur going through the procedure. The screams and curses heard would make anyone blush.

The next day, Killian enters work with a bit of pep in his step. It was a little crazy how much new clothes could build confidence. He's still wearing his glasses, but he has an appointment with his eye doctor to finally take the plunge and get contacts. He will finally call the blonde goddess that has captured his heart and ask her out on a date.

When the whole day at work consisted of pining and longing, he knew he had it bad.

"Jones." Arthur enters Killian's workspace and snaps him out of his daydream. "We should hang out tonight. I know this place and a lot of hot, desperate, horny women hang out there and with your makeover, I'm sure you can easily convince one to do you the favor and make you a man."

Killian rolls his eyes. "I'm not going out to get laid."

"Killian, do you really want that hot mom to have to teach you about the birds and the bees? She already has one kid, I doubt she wants another one."

Killian Jones has never been a night owl or a partier. He isn't opposed to a good time, but his definition of one differs from others. But his brother's words still rung in his head to have fun, so he agreed to a night out with Arthur. He wishes David and Robin could accompany them to help him if Arthur got too pushy, but they both had ladies of their own. When they got there, the singles bar was swarming with people and the music was too loud. Killian already hates it. Why would anyone subject themselves to a place like this? Arthur keeps pointing out women to him saying they look like a good time. Killian gives a shy smile and an awkward wave while Arthur prefers the nod. While at the bar, a redhead approaches Killian.

"Hello," she slurs. "You are very pretty. How about we get out of here and you show me what's underneath those tight pants," she leers as she looks him up and down.

Killian is speechless; he never thought a woman would approach him, much less ask to see his most private appendage. Sadly, Arthur overhears the conversation and hisses, "Go for it! She wants you, remember the mission." Arthur nudges him in her direction.

They reach his car and she pounces, only to miss his lips. She tries again, only to be stopped by Killian. "Lass, I don't even know your name yet. How about we have a cup of coffee?"

He puts space between them and she looks at him confused, turning a shade of green. "What, is it you don't like the ladies?"

He gently steadies her. "I do like the ladies, but you are drunk. It would be bad form to take advantage of your state."

She rolls her eyes and tries again for the kiss but instead, she throws up the content of her stomach on his shoes.

Killian stands still until she finishes. She looks up and wipes the vomit from her mouth. "I knew it. You don't like women. What a waste of such luscious lips." She shakes her head as she walks away to a man that resembles a monkey and lunges at him. He welcomes the attack and they leave in his car.

Killian looks down at his shoes and shakes them off. He opens his car door and takes out a trash bag to put them in before he drives home. He just wants to put an end to the night so he can put it behind him.

Days after his night out, Killian keeps dodging Arthur's questions. He stays in his space all day. The only time he steps out is to go use the facilities. He feels ridiculous having to avoid the man, but he would never hear the end of it. As he is about to sneak out to go get something to eat, he hears his name being called out on the store paging system. Killian turns around to the little information station and his eyes land on Arthur.

Bloody hell. Should he lie and say he did do something with the redhead? He can't help the grumble that escapes his lips. Arthur puts down the PA microphone and walks over.

"Jones, so tell me, how was the redhead? She looked crazy and the crazy ones are amazing in the sack!" Arthur asks with anticipation of the dirty details.

Killian scratches behind his ear. "She..." he winces, "went home with another guy."

"How did that happen? She left the bar all over you. How did you ruin it?"

"She was drunk and she threw up on me and I'm just not the type of guy who takes advantage of women in that situation," Killian says and walks away. He is not going to be ridiculed by Arthur for being a gentleman.

It has been a long day and Killian has no idea what Arthur has told the guys, but David and Robin both approach him with a small smile as they mumble 'better luck next time'.

Cruella stops him before his shift ends to simply say, "Killian, I would gladly take you to bed, and no one has to know. I know tricks." As she walks by him, she squeezes his ass.

Killian yelps and turns beet red. He can't get out of there fast enough.

At home, Killian stares at the card Emma had given him the first time they met. He picks up his phone and dials her number. The sound of her voice on the line makes him panic and he hangs up. How did he ever think he could do this?

Tagging:

@rumdrum91 @itsfabianadocarmo @xsajx @hookedonapirate @kmomof4 @searchingwardrobes @seriouslyhooked @profdanglaisstuff @let-it-raines @revanmeetra87 @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @kymbersmith-90 @branlovestowrite @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @ilovemesomekillianjones @thisonesatellite @thesschesthair @winterbythesea @stahlop @resident-of-storybrooke @superchocovian @lfh1226-linda @artistic-writer @thislassishooked @shardminds @winterbaby89 @xhookswenchx @ultraluckycatnd @gingerchangeling @laschatzi @wellhellotragic @xemmaloveskillianx @courtorderedcake @pirateherokillian @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @andiirivera @djlbg  @nikkiemms @jennjenn615 @scientificapricot @officerrogers @imlaxdris71 @therealstartraveller776 @kday426 @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713   @donteattheappleshook @spacekrulesbians @lassluna @carpedzem @captainodonoghue @killian-will-do @jarienn972 @tehgreeneyes @demisexualemmaswan @queen-serena88 @swanslieutenant @tiganasummertree @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @bethacaciakay​ @ohmakemeahercules​ @jrob64​ @klynn-stormz​ @mariakov81​ @sals86​ @elizabeethan​ @brooke-to-broch​ @hookedonhiddles​ @onceratheart18​ @the-darkdragonfly​ @veryverynotgoodwrites​ @jonesfandomfanatic​ @wefoundloveunderthelight​ @cocohook38​

[let-it-raines]

Prompt - David and Mary Margaret discover this great groupon deal for an autumn leaf changing tour and cabin rental in Vermont, but the catch, it's for 4 people. Enter in the reluctant best friends that can't stand each other. (And you know, the cabin only has 2 rooms)

🍁 found on ao3 | here | 🍁 

-/-

Here’s the thing about Killian Jones: Emma doesn’t hate him.

She really, really doesn’t. Hate is a strong word that she saves for people like Neal and the asshole who took her parking spot and made her lose her skip and her bigger paycheck last week. It’s not a word she uses to describe her opinion of Killian Jones. That would be better described as mistrust or slight animosity or dislike. In the nicest of terms, it could be described as nonchalance and uncaring, maybe a little bit of annoyance, but those are only true when she hasn’t seen him for awhile and has forgotten how annoying he can be.

Right now, annoyance is the exact word she would use to describe her relationship with him, mostly because his appearance was unexpected and unwelcome.

A month ago, Mary Margaret called Emma and told her that she and David won a trip to Vermont for a weekend of walking trails to see the leaves changing. It included free lodging, free dinners, tickets to a farm where you could pick your own apples and pumpkins and sit at their restaurant on the lake and drink the cider brewed at that very farm. It sounded nice, like the plot and setting of a Hallmark movie Emma only watches when she’s at Mary Margaret’s loft, and Emma told Mary Margaret that she hoped they had a good time.

Then Mary Margaret told her the trip was actually for four people, invited Emma and their mutual friend Ruby, and Emma figured why not? Her job has been stressing her out lately, and it’s a free vacation. Who passes up a free vacation?

Ruby Lucas apparently does in order to go to help her grandmother with the catering of a last-minute wedding, and Emma didn’t know about that until she got in the back of David’s truck and saw Killian Jones sitting in the spot that was supposed to be Ruby’s.

She feels cheated.

This was supposed to be relaxing even if it was going to be spent watching David and Mary Margaret be overly affectionate with each other, and now she has to deal with Killian for an entire weekend.

That’s two days and twelve hours too long if she includes today…which she definitely is.  

They’ve been in the truck for a little over three hours, which means they should be at the lodge soon, and Emma’s trying to focus on the scenery outside. It’s gorgeous, much more rural than what she’s used to living in the central part of Boston, and from what she’s heard of the lodge and the trails surrounding it, it’s only supposed to get better.

This is good. This can be a good weekend. Maybe she can go off on her own for most of it, and she won’t have to be with Killian or the lovebirds. They’ll be too busy getting lost in each other’s eyes, and he’ll be too busy flirting with every woman around. There’s definitely got to be opportunity for her to go off on her own.

If not, she might fling herself into a pile of leaves and never emerge for air.

And she’ll definitely blame it on Ruby for not telling Emma about her last-minute cancellation.

When they do eventually arrive at the lodge – after thirty minutes of Killian complaining about one of his coworkers – it turns out to look more like a small castle than anything else. It’s made of gray stone and covered in ivy and weeds while still being maintained. There’s a round fountain in front of the entryway, and behind the building, Emma can see the path that leads down to the lake and the hills that are full of trees behind it. Every tree is a different shade of red, orange, green, and yellow, and Emma has never wanted to take a picture of nature so much in her life. She’s about to live out the life of one of those girls on Instagram who only do things for the aesthetics, and for a weekend, she can’t say she minds.

What she does mind, however, is that when David hands her the key to her room, he hands Killian a key to the same room.

The same room as in her room.

Her. Room.

Hers.  

“No.”

“Why are you saying no?” David asks, tilting his head in question.

“No, as in no I will not share a room. I thought I was getting my own room.”

“It’s a couple’s weekend, Emma, and I bet you would have been fine sharing a room with Ruby.”

“Yeah, because Ruby’s…”

“Ruby’s not me,” Killian interjects, wrapping his arm around Emma’s shoulder. She tries to shrug it off, but it doesn’t move anywhere. It’s deadweight up there, and Killian has unfortunately turned so he can’t see her death stare. Not that it would have any effect on him. “You see, Dave, it’s just that Emma is wildly attracted to me, and she doesn’t think she’ll be able to contain herself knowing I’m only a few feet away from her, especially when she discovers I sleep in the nude.”

“Oh my God.” Emma moves from underneath Killian’s arm, her strength coming back to her, and moves toward her – their, ugh – door. She turns the key, which is for some reason the old fashioned kind and not a card. “Please stop talking, Jones. I am not wildly attracted to you, and I can handle sharing a room. I’m not a child.”

“See, I knew the lass could do it.”

He winks at her and does this ridiculous eyebrow thing at David, and Emma is seriously considering paying thousands of dollars (she googled this place when they walked inside, and it is not cheap) for her own room.

“We’ll meet you guys in the lobby in thirty minutes, okay? We’re going on a tour of the grounds with our guide and then dinner, so dress for both.”

“When is the hike?” Emma asks, lingering in the doorway.

“Not until tomorrow. I’ll get Mary Margaret to send you the itinerary.”

“She already has. I just haven’t looked at it.”

“I’m not telling her that,” David laughs. “See you soon.”

Emma waves, smiling at David, and turns into the room, dragging her luggage behind her. It doesn’t take long before she’s stopped in her tracks, her sneakers snagging in the carpet, as Killian runs into her back.

“Bloody hell, why’d you stop like that?”

She opens her arm to the bed – singular – in front of them, which would look cozy and soft and all of the good things if she had it all to herself. “If you didn’t bring clothes to sleep in, you’re sleeping in your fucking jeans,” she mumbles before turning toward the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

This is fine.

This is all fine. Emma has been through a hell of a lot worse, and maybe Killian won’t be an ass. Maybe he’ll be the gentleman he always claims to be.

She’s never believed him for a second when he’s said shit like that.

Emma changes out of her leggings and sweatshirt into a pair of jeans and a thick sweater, grabbing her red plaid jacket and a beanie and placing them to the side for when she leaves. She puts on some mascara, a swipe of lipstick, and brushes out her hair. This is as good as it’s going to get, and she doesn’t mind that. Mary Margaret will tell her that tomorrow or whenever they go to the nice dinner that she’ll have to dress up, and Emma is giving herself a break on the makeup until then.

She had to pile it on every night this week for work, and her skin is screaming for a break.

Killian knocks on the door, telling her to hurry up because he has to get ready too, so she takes five extra minutes…out of spite…because she knows it’s just petty enough for it to rub him the wrong way. She doesn’t feel bad about it either. Killian would do the same damn thing.

“You look nice,” Killian tells her when she opens the bathroom door and he’s standing on the wall opposite the bathroom, leg propped up and arms crossed over his chest. His eyes trail up and down her body, and Emma moves out of the doorway. A shiver runs down her spine, but she ignores it.

Definitely, definitely ignores it.

It’s cold up in Vermont, even colder than in Boston, and these old walls aren’t helping.

Killian takes approximately two minutes to get ready, all of which is probably spent getting into ridiculously tight jeans, and then they’re begrudgingly walking to the lobby where David and Mary Margaret are waiting for them already talking to the guide, a peppy woman named Anna who is like the redheaded version of Mary Margaret when Mary Margaret is in one of her “everything is a fairytale” moods.  

Anna takes them throughout the property, giving them the history of the place while offering up different amenities that are not included with the package they won but still accessible if they’re willing to pay. There’s a spa, a gym, three different hiking trails, an option to take row boats out on the lake if the weather is nice, and there are two different restaurants on the property. They also offer drivers to several places around town, including the grocery store and the farm they’ll be visiting tomorrow after their hike, and Emma is sure several other things are said. She zones out about halfway through, distracted by the view of the trees and how they’re reflected on the lake. Everything is in an orange glow right now, one that brings comfort to Emma.

She’s always liked sunsets. It’s cheesy and she’d never admit it out loud, but she likes the predictability of them. They don’t always look the same, but they happen every day, even if she can’t see it. She likes that, having that constant. It’s not something she has a lot of, constants that is, and she takes every one she can get.

Maybe this weekend won’t be so bad.

If she says that enough, she just might believe it.

-/-

Dinner is nice.

The food is good, the wine surprisingly good since she was pretty sure it was going to be some funky homemade stuff, and even more surprisingly, the company is great.

When she thinks that, she wonders if the alcohol content in the wine was higher than the server said it was.

All the good thoughts about Killian go away, however, when they’re back in their (still so awful to have to think) hotel room, and Emma is awkwardly sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing lotion on her arms. Killian, thank goodness, is in a pair of plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt, so he’s not even going to attempt to sleep naked.

She was 100% sure that he would try, and she’s honestly kind of sad she won’t get a chance to slap him.

On the cheek.

On his face.

She doesn’t want to slap him anywhere else.

Okay, that wine’s alcohol content was definitely higher than it should have been.

Killian plops down on the bed, the mattress shaking beneath him, and tugs the covers over him. His movements jostle her, and she grits her teeth as she finishes moisturizing. He turns on the TV, puts it on some show she has never heard of, and Emma tries to keep calm. She’s tired. She’s going to fall asleep quickly, and the TV won’t bother her. She falls asleep every night with the TV on, so this is nothing new.

Emma turns down the corner of the bed on her side and slides underneath before flipping the switch for the light. The room darkens except for the TV and the glow of the alarm clock, and Emma closes her eyes. They’ve got a lot to do tomorrow, and she doesn’t want to be walking around wishing she had an IV of coffee to keep her awake.

Slowly, sleep comes for her, tugging at the corners of her eyes, and just as she’s about to succumb to it, the comforter is tugged off of her, leaving her foot exposed to the cold air of the room.

What the hell?

Emma tugs it back, shifting her leg to have it covered, and for a moment, she’s warm. Warm and cozy and not even the too loud laugh track on the TV is disturbing her.

The fact that Killian pulls away the comforter again is, however, disturbing her.

Actually, it really freaking annoys her, so she pulls it back. Hard this time, and Killian grunts in response and rolls over. she feels his foot brush against her calf, and she kicks out, moving him back to his side. It’s only a queen-sized bed, so there’s not a lot of room for them to stay separate. She’s about three seconds away from finding pillows or their suitcases and putting them in between the two of them so he stops encroaching on her space.

And taking her comforter.

Because it’s definitely hers. Just like this room was supposed to be.

Killian wasn’t even supposed to be on this trip. It was supposed to be Ruby, who definitely would have stayed on her side of the bed. Better yet, she probably would have met someone and would be staying with them, and Emma would have this entire bed to herself.

It’s so comfortable that it’s a shame she has to share it. She’s not used to that anymore, and she likes to stretch out.

The comforter moves again, and Emma grips onto it, holding it where she is and tucking it underneath her ass to keep it as steady as possible. At this point, he has to be doing it to annoy her, and Emma is not going to lose this battle.

She’ll stay up all night if she has to.

“You know, Swan,” Killian mumbles, “normally I prefer to do more enjoyable activities with a woman on her back than fight over the covers.”

Emma groans and rolls over on her stomach, pointedly kicking out at him. “Shut up, Jones.”

“If that’s what the lady wishes.”

Emma mutters into her pillow, and for a few minutes, as the blanket stealing calms down and the TV quiets, Emma wonders if she could feasibly fake some sleeping disorder that has her punching Killian in the face all night.

She can be a pretty good actress sometimes. She could probably pull it off.

She doesn’t do that, though, because she eventually falls asleep, one foot sticking out into the cold air.

Damn you, Jones.

-/-

There’s a warm body nears hers.

That’s the first thought Emma has when she wakes up – after thinking of how annoying her alarm sound is. The body warm and solid and a little hairy, and it takes her two seconds to remember where she is and who she’s sharing a bed with. She knew she should have slept on the floor last night because in no world does she want to have her leg pressing up against Killian’s leg and her ass…

“Oh my God,” she murmurs, eyes blowing wide as she turns and moves her body as much as she can. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my Goooooooood.”

“What are you yelling about?” Killian groans, shifting behind her, which only makes it worse.

“I’m not yelling,” Emma hisses. She pushes away and sits up, and there’s no need to even adjust the comforter because none of it is on her. “What are you doing near me?”

He raises his brow, wrinkles on his forehead popping up. Getting a look at him now, she knows the ruffled look he sometimes does with his hair is natural, and for some reason, that really freaking annoys her.

“I was sleeping until you decided to have a conniption.”

“Yeah, well that’s because your dick…oh shit.”

Emma wasn’t going to say that. She really wasn’t, and from the way Killian’s brow is arching higher, she knows that she’s messed up. She’s given him the perfect set up for all of his innuendos, and knowing him, she’s never going to be allowed to live this down.

What a great start to her morning.

“Usually that’s not the reaction, but I understand your shock, love. You weren’t prepared, and it’s, well, a lot to take in.”

“Oh my God, shut up.” She takes the pillow from behind her and smacks him with it as he laughs. He’s getting far too much enjoyment out of this, and she’s wondering how long she would be in jail if she smothered him. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Make it cold and bracing. I think you might need it.”

“Yeah, I’m not the one with morning wood, but you keep thinking that.” She gets off the mattress and reaches down for her bag. Killian may have unpacked his stuff, but she didn’t bother to do that, even if it means everything is wrinkled. “Please don’t take care of it while I’m showering. That’s just…we have to share the bed, Jones, and I’ve worked in hotels before. I know they don’t always change the sheets.”

He mock salutes, the cheekiest grin on his face, and this is really going to be a long day.

-/-

It’s a long day.

Before she can even get coffee in her, she’s dragged out to the hiking trail. The sun hasn’t fully risen, and they’re supposed to be watching the sunrise and how it matches up with all the changing trees. It’s beautiful. She knows it is, and she does manage to take some pictures that she’s sure capture about half of the beauty. The thing is that despite her best efforts, she didn’t sleep well, and she’s only running on adrenaline and annoyance.

Mostly at Killian.

He’s been staring at her all morning, a joke on the tip of his tongue about their morning, and he’s started to make them several times before Emma shoots him a look or elbows him in the stomach. Mary Margaret has given Emma several funny looks, and if she wasn’t so wrapped up in David and the romance of the changing leaves and the sunrise, she’d probably ask about it.

Mary Margaret is not one for subtlety or staying out of someone else’s business.

David guides them over the trail, which is somehow all uphill despite no discernible incline, and eventually the come to a perch with a few of the lake and the lodge, miles of trees surrounding it. Emma doesn’t think she’s ever seen anything quite like it, and now she can truly see why so many people travel here just to stare at some trees.

“It’s something isn’t it, Swan?” Killian asks as he walks up behind her, the heat of his body making the chill of the air fade for a moment.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

“I didn’t think looking at trees would be your thing. I don’t take you as much of a nature person.”

Emma turns to face him and crosses her arms over her chest. “You don’t know me well enough to know if I’m a nature person or not.”

He steps closer, invading her space like he always does, and maybe she’s a bit of a liar when she says he doesn’t know her. “Just who are you then, Swan?”

Emma cocks her head and straightens her back, not letting him overwhelm her. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He smiles and nods, lashes fluttering until his eyes are hooded. “Perhaps I would.”

“We better get moving if we want to make it to the apple orchard on time,” David tells them, making Emma jump away from Killian and smooth down her flannel over her stomach. “You okay? You look flushed.”

“Just the walk,” Emma lies. “I’m sure that’s all.”

-/-

“I will throw this apple at your head.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Emma groans, audibly, and plucks another apple from the tree and puts it in her basket. It’s getting a little heavy, and not in a million years could she eat all these apples before they spoil. They’re not for her, though. They’re for the farm and its cider and pies and tarts and all the other apple goods they make. She must admit that it’s a brilliant business plan, having people pick the apples for you and then make them pay for it and the food and drinks.

She can’t believe people actually pay to do this. The hike, she gets, foraging for your own food, not so much.

Emma picks an apple out of her basket, one that kind of looks gross and a little squished, and she tosses it at the back of Killian’s head. It hits, just barely, and she stops as he reaches up to touch his hair.

“What is wrong with you?” he hisses, turning around to glare at her.

“You’re the one who has spent the last ten minutes being invasive to my personal life, so what’s wrong with you?”

“Asking if you were still seeing Graham Humbert is not invasive.”

“It is definitely invasive.”

Killian’s shoulders shrug, and he steps closer to her. Really close, actually. He does this obnoxious thing where he’s always encroaching on her space when he speaks, swaying closer and dipping his head down until their eyes are level. He’s doing that now, obnoxious, downright cocky grin gracing his lips, and Emma backs away, dodging some low-hanging apples, until her back is against the tree and she’s putting her basket on the ground. She really hopes there aren’t ants crawling all over her, but at this point, she’s too distracted to care.

For every inch that she moved, Killian matched her. And now, he’s more in her space than ever, the heat of his body warming her more than her jacket. How is he that damn hot?

Only in the temperature sense…not in the other way. She is obviously still a little tipsy from the wine last night that she still maintains had a higher alcohol content than usual.

He chuckles, and his eyes look at her before glancing down at her lips. It’s not even a quick glance. It’s pointed, and Emma knows she was meant to notice it.

“Please,” Emma huffs, “you couldn’t handle it.”

He doesn’t even flinch. “Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it.”

She wants to say something back, some smart, snide remark that will make him frustrated, but she also wants to prove him wrong. Emma doesn’t care what anyone else has to say, and she’s heard all the rumors. Kissing Killian Jones is not going to have an effect on her.

So she grabs the lapels of his coat and pulls him forward until his mouth is on hers and Emma’s head is pressing into the back of the tree. The bark scratching the back of her neck would be uncomfortable if she wasn’t so focused on Killian. He’s not kissing her back, his lips rigid against her, and she’s just about to pull back and give him shit over being a horrible kisser when he moves. His hand comes to her hair, yanking on the strands as he tilts her head the way he wants it, and his prosthetic rests at her waist. Every thought she had about him being stiff was wrong.

She’s never felt anyone move like this.

She’s also had some pretty damn good kisses in her life, but she can’t remember the last time one took her breath away and made heat curl over her skin as soft lips moved over her and slightly rough stubble scratched against her skin, likely leaving her red.

Emma can’t remember the last time she was kissed well, and damn, what a shame that is.

She could get used to that.

But she knows that’s a dangerous thought, and this is a dangerous game she’s playing. If she’s bringing cards to the table to play, she has to be open to the possibility that she can lose her hand.

Emma isn’t open to that right now.

So, she pulls back, just barely though, and tries to catch her breath as Killian does the same. He’s panting, and in any other circumstance, the sound would be like heaven to her, a strong indication of what’s to come next. Not in this one, though, and when Killian moves in, she pulls away.

“That was,” he begins, seemingly trailing off in a search for the words to describe what just happened.

She doesn’t know either, but it doesn’t take her long to figure out what she wants to say.

“A one-time thing,” she finishes, knowing she has to say it as she looks at him and the flush of his cheeks. “I’m going to find David and Mary Margaret. Don’t follow me. Wait five minutes and...” she glances down toward his jeans “…calm down.”

He mockingly bows, same smug smile she’s used to back on his lips. She knows how they feel now, and that feels wrong.

“As you wish, milady.”

-/-

The late afternoon lunch (or is it early dinner considering the time?) is awkward as hell. They’re sitting at a small, supposedly cozy table in the midst of the most romantic patio ever created (think of all the string lights in the world and then double it) with wine and cider in their glasses and good food on the table in front of them.

Emma wants to run away.

She can’t.

It really freaking sucks.

And it doesn’t help that Killian keeps looking at her with these big blue eyes that she doesn’t normally see. He looks earnest almost, and she doesn’t think Killian Jones has been earnest a day in his life.

Then again, how much does she know?

“Oh, this is so romantic,” Mary Margaret sighs. “I’m so glad we won this trip.”

“Does romance include two of your mates sitting at the table with you?” Killian asks. “Dave was playing footsy with me earlier we’re so cramped in here.”

“Was that you?” David hisses, cheeks going red, and Emma starts to laugh. That’s the best thing she’s heard all day.

“Yes, it is romantic even with you and Emma here. And with David somehow mistaking your leg with mine.”

“In my defense, Killian’s calves are only a little bigger than yours, sweetheart.”

“I’m not sure whether to be flattered or insulted.”

“Flattered, of course,” Killian says. “I have bloody fantastic legs. Ask Swan here. She felt them up last night.”

Emma kicks out her foot at Killian under the table, not one hundred percent sure she’s actually hitting his leg, but then she sees the slight wince. Gotcha.

“So, what are we doing after this?” Emma asks to change the subject. “Another hike? More apple picking? Second dinner?”

Mary Margaret sighs, “a carriage ride back to the hotel, but they’re going to take us the scenic route.”

“Of course they are,” Emma mutters, stabbing her food and stuffing it into her mouth. She’s going to need more wine.

-/-

The carriage ride is worse than the dinner. For one, the horses smell horrible, much worse than the food, and the carriage is somehow smaller than their table. She’s pressed completely up against Killian, their sides aligned, and he has his arm over her shoulder while they share a blanket. She tried to refuse, but it’s gotten really cold. Her nose and her fingers are going to fall off soon, and she’s as zipped up as she can be.

David and Mary Margaret practically make out across from them, and even though Emma knows more about their sex life than she would ever want to know, sitting his close to it as a horse drags them along the road is not something she’s comfortable with.

“Make it stop,” she murmurs into Killian’s shoulder, half to keep her from having to look at David and Mary Margaret but mostly to keep her nose warm.

“I’m afraid we have to ride this one out, love. If you want, we could share our own kiss…again.”

She hits his thigh underneath the blanket. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Whatever helps you sleep through the night.”

-/-

She doesn’t sleep through the night.

She’s too aware of her surroundings, of the warm body a few inches from her own.

It’s all too much, even if he didn’t try to steal the covers tonight, and if she wasn’t so damn stubborn, she’d sleep on the floor. She told herself she would do that tonight, but now it feels like admitting defeat.

Emma doesn’t like to admit defeat.

-/-

They go for another hike the next morning, their last morning in Vermont.

Emma sticks next to David the entire time, asking him mundane questions she doesn’t care about just to keep the conversation flowing and to keep Killian from making any jokes she doesn’t want him to make. It works, mostly, and Emma is even able to enjoy herself and the view for a lot of it. Boston can be gorgeous, but she’s going to miss a lot of this.

It’s the picture perfect dream, but Emma knows perfection doesn’t exist. And in pictures, it’s almost always photoshopped.

Doesn’t make it any less stunning as she stares out at it all, and it doesn’t make her want the picture perfect dream any less. The one where she isn’t so scared of getting hurt again and where she lets herself have fun, lets herself feel safe.

Lets her heart in on the decision making with her head.

-/-

Emma sleeps on most of the car ride back to Boston, and when she wakes up, it’s with a sore neck and tired eyes. It’s also in front of her apartment. She thanks the Nolans for the weekend, and very slowly, it dawns on her that Killian is no longer in the car. They must have dropped him off first, and she doesn’t know why, but it stings a bit that she doesn’t get to say goodbye to him as well.

That’s the lack of sleep talking, obviously.

Emma would never miss saying goodbye to Killian because that would mean she was going to miss his presence. She wouldn’t do that, though. Of course not. Because she didn’t have a good time when he was around. He didn’t make her smile at all this weekend.

He never makes her smile at all.

If Emma was using her own superpower to detect lies, there would be a blaring red light over her head with a little bell blaring in her ears.

She is ignoring it in favor of stuffing everything about this weekend in her bag and not looking into it. It was pretty. Nice pictures were taken, good food was had, and nothing else happened.

(Ding, ding, ding.)

-/-

Life returns to normal. She goes to work, goes to the gym, is occasionally dragged out to bars and clubs with her friends on the nights she isn’t working.

(She does finally get that guy from two weeks ago, and the paycheck is worth the struggle.)

Killian is around a lot more than he usually is. He’s in school getting his degree in software engineering on some scholarship he got from his service in the Navy, and he usually bartends at night. That job fizzled out, though, so when they all have pizza night or go out or meet up for lunch, he’s usually there.

Emma finds it odd, but she doesn’t mind.

She doesn’t pay much attention to him because she’s making a conscious effort specifically not to pay attention to him, not until he misses a fantastic opportunity to make an innuendo, and she realizes he hasn’t been making a lot of those lately. They’re there, sure, but not in as high of a quantity as they usually are.

It’s weird, but the weirdest thing about it all is how much she misses them.

Huh.

When did that happen?

When did the flirting stop annoying her and start making her laugh? When did she start liking it?

Liking him?

The thought comes to her without true warning and without permission. It’s wiggled its way out of the deep caverns of her mind and made it to the surface, gasping for air so it can live out in the open. She has a physical reaction to it, her hands coming to cover her mouth as she inhales a deep breath that has everyone looking away from the TV to look at her.

“You alright?” Ruby asks from her spot on David and Mary Margaret’s couch.

“I’m fine,” Emma lies, knowing her friends won’t push her further. They’ve known her long enough to know not to do that too often. “Just need some water.”

She gets up from her chair and walks toward the kitchen, her mind running faster than Usain Bolt, and she tries to focus on pouring herself a glass of water and on the football game that’s on. She doesn’t even really like football, but it’s kind of a fall tradition around here. She just has to go with it.

Everything is fine. This is fine.

This is…this is crazy. It’s even crazier that she can’t tell if her body is experience fear, joy, or some insane mixture of both bottled up with all of the adrenaline it can muster.

“You sure you’re alright, love?” Killian asks as he walks into the kitchen puts his plate in the sink. Of course he followed her in here. He, unlike Ruby, Mary Margaret, and David, has no qualms about bothering her. “You look a bit flushed. You’ve gone red around your cheeks.”

“Fine,” she lies again. “I’m fine.”

If she says that word enough, it’ll be true.

“Are you certain because I – ”

“Why don’t you flirt with me anymore?” she blurts before she can stop herself. She must be going crazy because this is insane. Who has taken over her body, and can she get it back please? Preferably before she does something stupid like kissing him again.

Then again, that wasn’t all stupid. It felt pretty damn good.

Killian arches his brow, his forehead wrinkling, and she knows she’s about to get some dumbass answer. He scratches behind his ear with his prosthetic. “Because if I’m to win your heart Emma, as I’d like to, I’d like to do it in a way that doesn’t piss you off, as much as I do love that. It’s quite entertaining for me, especially when you go red as you are now. It’s a becoming color on you, but I realize my methods of getting your attention were a bit childish.”

Well, okay then. Maybe not a dumbass answer.

This is a weird, weird few minutes.

“Are you trying to tell me you’ve been doing the adult equivalent of pulling pigtails on a playground?’

He shrugs. “Aye, I guess.”

Emma, once more, doesn’t know what to do or say, so she lets instinct drive her. She steps forward and places her hand on his shoulder, looking him dead in the eye. They’re ridiculously blue, and it’s just not fair. “Asking me to dinner would have worked much better than that. Food has always been the way to my heart, especially if it’s cheap, greasy, and will make my stomach hurt afterward.”

She leaves the ball in his court (or in his possession on the field since they’re watching football and her sports metaphors should make sense, and she’s 82% sure that’s a correct metaphor), and walks away before being pulled back by her wrist until she’s looking at him again.

Once more, he’s earnest, and she’s still getting used to that.

And those blue eyes. Those too. They don’t have to be all devilish all the time.

“Would you like to go to dinner with me, love?” Killian asks, hopeful, kind smile on his face.

Genuine. He’s genuine, and she feels that little flutter that she hasn’t felt in awhile, not since she kissed him against the apple tree to prove a point to herself that she wouldn’t be affected by kissing him.

Emma really is a bad liar, especially when she’s lying to herself.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[haikyuuwaifu]

Miss Independent

Genre: Crack, Humor, Drama, NSFW, Mild Angst

Warnings: Swearing

Kenma x Osamu x Suna x Reader Poly

MASTERLIST

INTRODUCTIONS: PARENT SUPPORT GROUP| Y/N’S BROOD| RICH BITCH PLAYBOYS & GC’s

Y’N’S BROOD

-After High School Kenma did end up Sponsoring Shoyo to go to Brazil. Boy came back with a potty mouth and sass. Y/N finds it hilarious until he forgets she’ll beat his ass. He, Tobio, and Kei STILL CAN’T get along even in adulthood. Atsumu gets blamed for everything, even if it’s not his fault. Most the time Sakusa will let him take the brunt of the punishments as payback for annoying him. Shoyo is currently single, because mans is confused about his feelings towards three persons and right now he’s just trying to vibe and avoid them all together LMAO.

-Tobio really has told Y/N about crazy fans sending him thirst tweets. She and the PSG go through them on wine night to see and laugh at how ridiculous they are. Kageyama is by no means a virgin, but lately he’s been single because he doesn’t know how to interpret the emotions he’s feeling atm. Tobio wasn’t there when Shoyo blamed Atsumu BUT he did know they would get in trouble together. They almost always do.

-Women really threw their panties at Tobio and Wakatoshi after an Alders game, and Ushijima was Very Very uncomfortable. Lucky for them, she and Tendou were in the crowds and managed to handle the situation. Now Ushijima refuses to play unless at least ONE PERSON from the PSG is there to scare off the crazies.

-Kei is Y/N’s favorite. There’s no question, they have similar personalities and when she first met him; she spent half her time yelling about him for his lack of care for the game. When he broke down and told her why; she proceeded to take the train to Tokyo with him in tow and berated, chewed out, and beat up his brother for doing something like that to younger Tsukishima. Tsukishima will go feral if he doesn’t get his weekly cake from Tendou’s bakery. Of the brood, he is the most mature; unless he’s put in the same vicinity as Tobio and Shoyo.

-Yachi only falls into the brood because she was a 1st year when it came together. She spends most her time with the girls, the responsible ones, and Y/N. She never has successful dates because the dumbass trio (Tobio, Shoyo, Tsukki) finds out and shows up and ruins it. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Yachi likes being a designer and loves helping edit photos but some days her clients think she’s some kind of miracle worker. NO JOKE: Kuroo, Bokuto, and Atsumu found out about ladies night...and showed up before the girls even got their drinks...and spent the entire evening in a protective circle around them telling everyone to “STAY AWAY FROM OUR MOM” now if they want to go out, they have to do it in another country :’)

-Ushijima is baby and that is all; also Atsumu isn’t allowed to teach him social media

-Atsumu had a mishap teaching Ushijima how to twt; and Y/N beat him up for it and revoked snuggle rights...she also told his own mother all the way in Hyogo. Atsumu and the boys are V protective of Mama Y/N; so yeah they like to ruin things like girls night out, blind dates, etc.

Osamu has lots of money because he made smart business choices and he wanted to be better than his brother; and Atsumu cries about it all the time except Christmas when he gets the best gifts.

-As stated previously, Kuroo and Y/N have been best friends for like their entire lives at this point. He is and always will be her first “baby”. He also wants a kitten and he has been begging both Mama Y/N and Rich Daddy Kenma; but he keeps getting shot down. He’s always gone or always working. Man can’t even keep the toilet seat down, how’s he gonna take care of a cat? Kuroo, Oikawa, Bokuto, and Atsumu DID NOT have that sleepover because they all had work going on the next day. Y/N was editing proofs for a client; so Akaashi called the bigger guns in the form of Kenma, who from the LITERAL U.S. used rich man money to shut off Kuroo’s power for the rest of the week, forcing him to stay with Y/N. (Who Akaashi knew wouldn’t let him have a sleepover during the work week).

-Tooru is chaos and a big cry baby. He is also ¼ of the braincell quadruplets. When the “parents” planned to go to the spa, he got it in his head that the boys could go out and have a few drinks. The last time they did that unsupervised, Kuroo ended up in Osaka; Bokuto ended up in a jail cell, Oikawa was taped to a phone pole; and Atsumu ended up in Kita’s grandma’s rice fields ALL THE WAY IN HYOGO. So naturally, Tsukishima ratted them out. So long as it doesn’t involve him he will gladly rat out those four. It’s why he’s mama’s favorite LMAO.

-Makki really didn’t know what he was going to do after high school. He had no drive or motivation to do anything but smoke pot and while high the man could make some crazy good shit; so Y/N and Iwa made him go to Culinary School. He now works as one of the chefs tied to Kita’s Catering Company. Kita and Y/N don’t like the fact that Makki smokes; so they limit to the weekend when he’s not working. If he’s found with it before hand he doesn’t get any for two weeks. He gets jealous that Issei won’t give him the tea first, but that’s because Makki has a big ass mouth and can’t keep secrets.

-Bokuto really did get it in writing that they could have a sleepover when Kuroo got back from his trip to see Kenma. Like no joke man got it framed and everything. Sakusa is V particular about his sanitizers and what nots (Man likes things clean and tidy) and Oikawa and Atsumu used the last of it for something stupid and blamed Bokuto for it. Akaashi WILL NOT let Bokuto go halfsies on a cat with Kuroo. Bokuto can’t even keep a plant alive.

-Asahi is baby with Ushijima. He’s a big name fashion designer that still has trouble with conflict. He and Ushijima decided they were gonna go together to see a scary movie, to prove they weren’t babies...it was a terrible idea; they had to sleep with lights on for a week and they are no long allowed to see scary movies at all. LOL. Asahi likes creating new ideas and bouncing them off of Y/N’s brain. She’s got so much shit going on in her head at one time, that she comes up with some crazy shit he can turn into something great.

@dabilove27 @amberisnotcrazy @elianetsantana @cloudyxaly@exosehun-94 @deaththekidwantsyou @sempiternal-amour @dinablossom @yafriendlyfangirl @mint-mai @amarillyis​ @sunflwrsandprettyskies​ @kuroirl​ 

[nostuntmanneeded]

I know we're starting to seem stubborn in the way we're still convinced it's PR and we're so interested in debunking the 'real' theories, but let's not lie here, all the debunking makes perfect sense and... how can you explain the factors that scream PR? There is literally a lot of evidence pointing to PR of what is real and just to elaborate here are SOME (!!) of it:

-Pictures looking miserable

-Your birthday post which was obviously filmed before Ibiza and foreshadowed all your baits

-Him approving memes mocking her and memes about being public relations

- The first four (and consecutive) interactions he made with her on social media, all being suspected of bullshit and almost all with English subtitles too

-The change in tactics evident because the previous one wasn't working (they've completely stopped doing paparazzi and now we have our posts on Tiktok and Twitter)

-Most people who post "stolen" photos after seeing them are all suspiciously studying / working on RP or something RP related.

- The predictability of things like the weekend baits, her coming back to Spain this month and her coming to LA after the last time she was in Tulum

- I know it was a little crazy how people manage to find out, but it was still suspicious as the rental car in the Los Angeles paparazzi photo ironically came from a company known as RP

- the ridiculous amount of baits (admittedly, she could actually be SO desperate for attention)

-The shadow photo being suspicious as hell since the guy in the shadow didn't even remotely appear to be Sebastian

-The fact that he was suddenly being constantly sighted by the papparazzi in a short span of time when he was barely being sighted before then. Was he suddenly spotted on a beach, on a Yacht, with a nobody, on a different continent, in the middle of a pandemic?

I mean... should I continue?? 😂 What should I do with these facts besides using them as evidence that they are false 🤣// Not only those RP students but those connected to industries like the singer, the photographer, what messed with the camera in hw. And cb's baits went down whenever sebastian wasn't in LA and cb's cousin helped with the baits (like the eyeshadow, I don't think it's sebastian either) and it always goes down to almost zero baits when she's back in spain. Always when silent to articles using sebastian's name to draw attention to articles that only talk about her and not about them and about old works and the jokes of the japanese background, social activism and her love, discipline with work or likes and comments once a month everything always to draw attention to cb. Cb is an attention seeker and even with the contract ended she will use bait and do everything to stay connected to him. She is desperate for quick fame without working for it and using money to cut corners and doing RP with someone much better known than she is to use sebastian's fame to be famous, her greed is her downfall because she doesn't take acting classes, she doesn't recycles only travels, goes to the spa, hairdresser, restaurant and posts stupid photos and videos thinking that her parents' money will always allow her to have the roles she wants in the project she wants and always doing RP to become famous and call paparazzi.

For sure!

If anything, Alejandra has shown that she really only cares about being famous. She hasn't put in the time and effort to actually work, so she relies on other people's success.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Return to the Happy Place

This is mostly for @space-finally and myself. Fic Aesthetics 

Quinn double checked her agenda with one hand while packing up the rest of their things with the other. She had gone through Gary's transmissions he collected when they were separated and her favorite account was that of Gary's "Happy Place."

She could admit (to herself, and herself alone), that she was very taken aback by him fantasizing about having a cookie wife and cookie kids AFTER her sacrifice… She slammed the last of the items into the case. However, she also needed to remind herself that she was literally jealous of an imaginary cookie bitch who died anyway. Now, she smirked. 

"Gary!" She called. He was probably obsessively going over her rules with Little Cato. Quinn had already sent them to everyone's devices, but Gary often worried that Avocato's parenting style was "like a child raising donut that is decorated really pretty and seems like it'll be sweet, but the edible décor is made of jalapeno, habanero, and broken glass…" 

So, Little Cato was usually expected to swap out those "dangerously mean donuts with plain mini donuts, sprinkled in sugar." That man of hers did a lot of donut talk..

"Gary?" He turned from pelting the baby with kisses and looked at her just like it was his first time ever seeing her. He adored that feeling, even if it made her a little bashful to be the center of. Quinn collected their baby girl from him for hugs and kisses of her own and passed her along to Little Cato, because, “We need to head out. I’ve already plotted our schedule.” 

.

Happy Place Reenactment: That was what Quinn spent many a secret night planning out for their anniversary! Gary was ridiculously impressed! He wasn’t sure WHY he was impressed - Quinn was extremely good at planning things and successfully carrying out those plans (when troops of forces didn’t get in her way), so he probably should have expected something above and beyond his capacity to guess whenever she mentioned that she had a surprise for him.

But, the thing that impressed him the most was that while she obviously couldn’t exactly replicate the intricate details of his memory without the proper software and power to obtain them directly from his mind, she was excellent at filling in the details with upgrades that she knew he would appreciate. 

There was no cookie wife (none needed, as Gary had his wife now and this was all her doing, but what there was, was a Quinn sized, anniversary cookie cake!! - A fun and DELICIOUS spin on cookie wife! The icing decorating it had her dressed up like she was the first time they met (nix the Infinity Guard emblem on the collar), and her face was smiling and welcoming. 

The cabin had plenty of wood for chopping. Gary could certainly use it, and fields of flowers and berries to pick. That was one of those simple things he’d missed about Earth. He’d been wanting to pick flowers and/or berries with Quinn for the entire duration of their marriage and well... his eyes with glossy with appreciation that they would finally have the chance to do so! This was better than the Happy Place (of course, because that was a dastardly plan, while this was merely an escape from the trials of real life) - but this one couldn’t hurt him. 

There was a vast of nature to explore, and they weren’t so far away from the kids that they couldn’t collect them and bring them camping or hiking here some other time. Quinn needed breaks from them sometimes for realignment, self care and sex. Lots of sex. Gary was pretty sure that Quinn had somewhere on her schedule of events copious amounts of sex. That’s one of the reasons that they had three kids at home. 

Gary had once made the mistake of finishing her off and musing, “Who would have thought that you’d be such an insatiable minx?” And unfortunately made her so self conscious about her appetite that it took him months to convince her that it had been both a compliment and meant to be encouraging!!! She was worried that he was suggesting (something that she had come to wonder about herself) - that she was using physical contact as a problematic coping method for extreme issues.

After all, their first date, first kiss, first time, had all been orchestrated and pressed into scenarios and situations that were life threatening and world ending. The sad look in her eyes whenever she expressed this concern. The beams of hope when he shot that idea down. “Just because life was trying to end us doesn’t mean that choosing to live for moments of pleasure make it less real. If anything, that gave it more meaning.” 

He never brought that up again afterwards, but he knew that whenever she had been pushed to her limits or the world was on the verge of burning, in those small moments of peace - she might not be able to punch in a spa session, but she’d definitely snatch him up for... other forms of release. That was one of his favorite things about being together. Now, it was acceptable to objectify, sometimes. 

Gary’s fists were clenched in anticipation. Of nature. Of anniversary sex. Of potentially making himself absolutely sick on that Quinn sized cookie cake! She grabbed his hand and led him inside. “Spa stuff first, then I’ll be in the headspace for all of the spoil Gary things that I’ve got planned.” 

It wasn’t that Gary disliked spa things. He loved them whenever it was just him and Quinn, helping each other out with massages and masks and stuff. He was far more wellness conscious than people might think. But, he was hard to calm down when he was excited. That was one of their opposites. Quinn could completely shut down if things were too much, or shut off portions of herself that made her feel human. Gary had to amp things up until the surroundings calmed, THEN he might be able to enjoy a back rub and foot soak for all it was worth... But... having Quinn administer was usually a very efficient way for him to melt into a malleable still. 

Besides, though softly paced, there was always excitement stirred up inside of him whenever her soft, slightly hoarse voice said, “My turn, now.”

.

His favorite things: picking flowers, picking berries, chopping wood, picnics and dessert. Her favorite things: pampered vacation, fresh air, affirming affection, and long baths (unbothered by children, and adult children AKA crew members)...

Gary chopped away at the wood, knowing that no adventures would have been added to this retreat. Not these days. He was still adventurous, for sure, but he had so many of them... So many ugly ones... His eyes welled with tears and he swung the ax. He had lost so much in his life. He swung again. And so many loved ones. He swung, remembering everyone’s faces, all of the ways that they had departed from him, the way that he... had... failed them... He swung again. 

“Gary?” Great, he’d pulled Quinn from her long bath with his angry, frustrated swings. “Gary!” She said more urgently. He didn’t want to face her as he cried, chopping, trying to will himself happy. This was his Happy Place, after all... “Gary...” Her voice sounded so sad and defeated. Like she knew that there was nothing she could do or say to fix it. To fix what he was feeling. To fix how everything went wrong. He turned to face her, on the porch of the cabin, wrapped up all soft and pretty is a robe with a towel over her head and... blood on her hands. Tears fell down his face. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, reaching out to try to hug him. He looked down. 

Blood was on his hands too. His happy place began to fade away, illuminated now by the light of reality, the light of Invictus, tearing through the universe. There wasn’t blood on their hands, but they still had no idea what was coming next. All that he knew was, or what he believed, at least (despite all of her efforts to make the best decisions, despite all of his to be the best hero)... they had failed.

“What have we done?” He asked himself.

[lihikainanea]

I think we need to talk about an at home spa/self care day w Bill & Tiger.. Bill is overworked and sooo tired. He’s a bit pouty and tries his best to get some proper sleep in but it’s just not happening. So Tiger takes it upon her self to make a whole self care day for him. She kinda has to force him in at first bc he’s the kind of person to try to finish work w/o stopping. But no! Tiger’s determined. She has to steal Bill’s expensive skincare he never uses (I can see tiger wiping off his face mask and is just in awe of how glowy and pretty Bill is). But they’re also grooming nails, getting v tipsy, napping, watching a tv show they’ve put off way too long, baths, massages & ordering ridiculous amounts of food. -🐝

oh sweet emojbee, indeed LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS.

I will never forgive dudes for two complete atrocities committed against humanity: 1) their long eyelashes, and 2) their glowing skin. Seriously. These motherfuckers wash their face with a bar of hand soap on a rope and only do it like TWICE A WEEK and they fucking glow. Last month I bought a $360 La Mer serum (which I returned because it was bullshit) and it only made my skin look a little better.

Bill, in particular, has great skin. God I could have punched him back in September when he was promoting TDATT, with his glowing complexion and his rosy cheeks. Fuck you, asshole.

But yes, look, we’ve talked a little about some home pampering before. And one of the great things about attending all of these big events and red carpets and shit is the goodie bags. Tiger let it be known that she will like, NEVER walk a red carpet with him--it sounds awful--and that she won’t ever attend any huge press event or party. But she’s real happy to be waiting up for him back at the hotel wherever he is, dressed only in his shirt with carts full of room service, and all she wants is that goodie bag. She thinks celebrities are insane. One time, there was a Rolex in there--a legit Rolex, gifted to like 75 guests who could afford like 100 Rolex’s on their own.

To tiger, it’s madness.

But there’s also always a lot of beauty goodies in there. Coupons for Botox (tiger laughs until she cries), but also some real high end products. And Bill uses them sometimes; before red carpets it really is a primping event for him when his groomer comes in, but otherwise on the day to day he doesn’t do much.

But Bill always liked being touched--he especially loves it when tiger traces his features softly. And he’s been tired, he’s been overworked, maybe she’s visiting him on set somewhere--and she packed up a few things so they can just have a relaxed, self-care night at home. And she’s real glad she did, because the poor dude just looks awful--some dark bags under his deep-set eyes, his skin an ashen colour.

She tags along with him to set the next day, and sits in his makeup trailer with him. And that’s kind of when he mind is made up for tomorrow, which is his day off--because for two hours, tiger watches them paint shit all over his face. Just...pure gunk. Prosthetics everywhere.Heavy paint. This terrifying spray called Skin Guard. He’s layered with latex and glue and paint and aerosols and it just looks so uncomfortable--but you know, the end of the day is even worse. Because when they take it all off, they’re scrubbing and rubbing and by the end his skin is bright red and irritated, his eyes a little squinty, patches of a red rash going down his neck. Tiger has ideas.

So listen, the next morning, they both sleep in. Tiger finds the laundry room in the hotel and warms up their bathrobes, wrapping him in one as he starts to wake up. She gets him his coffee, for once, giving him all the gentle head scritchies while he drinks it. She pulls him into the shower to start--does he get shower head? He totally gets shower head--and she soaps him up, washes his hair for him, CONDITIONS IT (because how boys don’t know about conditioner, I’ll never know) and then when they’re done, as he steps out she helps him dry off with the towel--and then she moisturizes him. Bill never moisturizes. Butshe takes her time, helps rub out some of his sore muscles, and just massages in some of the best smelling lotion he’s ever known. She gets him back in his bathrobe and orders a breakfast feast, and she sets up her stash while they wait for it.

And it’s just a full day of pampering for Bill--and really, he’s letting it happen because it’s just so much of that good skin contact that he needs, and he’s complete mush. Tiger sets up with a bowl of warm water, a few rags. She pulls his head into her lap. She starts off with a real good head scritchie session that just seems endless, her nails scraping gently at his scalp, and only when he’s slack-jawed she’ll move onto his face--just take her time and run her fingertips all over his features, massage out some of the tension he keeps in his jaw and temples. She’ll wet the warm rag and drape it over his face, getting the cleanser ready.

And it takes hours, but it’s just so zen--for both of them. Bill gets all those soft touches that he needs. Tiger gets to revel in turning her Good Dude to absolute mush, being able to stare down and admit how beautiful he is like this, steal all the kisses she wants. She goes all in. Bill gets exfoliated, he gets a toner and an eye mask and a face mask another cleaner and a serum and a moisturizer. Tiger just takes her time with it, massages down his chest while she waits for the products to sink in. And by the end--god she could kill him--he’s glowing.

She pushes a glass of scotch in his hand, crawls in his lap, and he’s still all sleepy and slack-jawed and he just murmurs his thanks softly in her ear.

[diavolosthots]

DARK DECEPTION CHAPTER 15

READ CHAPTER 14 HERE

Warnings: choking, threats

Pairing(s): no pairs, Diavolo, Barbatos, Beelzebub, Lucifer

“Where is she?!” To say he was angry is an understatement. Two hours. He was gone for two hours and you were left in Barbatos’ care with all the doors locked. He didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to jump off the balcony, either, but apparently he was wrong, considering the doors to the balcony were open and you were gone. You couldn’t have done it alone, though, but Barbatos swore that, although Beelzebub was there, he was with him the whole time. Hell, even if Beelzebub wasn’t, he doesn’t know his way around the castle like that. It just doesn’t make sense to him. You shouldn’t have survived the fall but there was no blood anywhere so someone must have taken you. Maybe one of the guards betrayed him? Possible. Right now, Diavolo is just seething with anger though and every time he thinks someone might know something, he’s met with empty answers and another dead body lying in front of him. If Michael hadn’t distracted him… “Angels?” No… no he would sense if an angel was in the Devildom. They stand out and Michael was the only one with him. 

“Damnit!” “You know, anger won’t help you think.” Beel. God, he’s such a buffoon, still eating his crab cakes as if his Queen didn’t just get kidnapped. “No offense, but you’re not helping my case, Beelzebub. Tell me again what you were doing here.” This is probably the sixteenth time Beel had to tell his story, forced to follow Barbatos and Diavolo around the Devildom in search for you, but at least he had his crab cakes. “I told you. I couldn’t stop thinking about those crab cakes from the wedding… I took all of them home the day of the wedding but I ate them all and Lucifer told me not to bother you for more.” Honestly, none of that is actually a lie. Those crab cakes were heavenly and he did inhale pretty much all of them in a matter of seconds. “I just figured since it’s been a while since then, Barbatos may have time.” And he did. Barbatos had way too much time but that was on Diavolo. He knows he can’t blame the Butler. All he told him was to keep anyone away from you and to bring food at the required meal times. That’s it. Diavolo didn’t like Barbatos to be with you for too long because although the demon never betrayed him, he just doesn’t want you to smell like anyone other than him. 

A deep growl escaped Diavolo, his wings twitching behind him. It was a natural instinct to switch into his demon form the minute he was notified of your disappearance and sadly, a lot of people had to suffer because of it. “Can I go home now?” “No!” Why was he taking Beel along again? The guy was of no use. He seemed innocent and he was with Barbatos the whole time, too, “unless…. Tell me where your brothers were, Beel.” Beel stiffened slightly but kept a poker face; no way was he going to rat them out. “Probably at the house? Asmo might have gone to the spa.” Seems believable, right? “Are you sure?” Beel nodded. Of course he knew better, but not even he knew where Lucifer took you. The guy didn’t say anything, but if he had to guess, maybe back to earth? “I doubt Belphie ever left his room and you know that just as well as I do.” Diavolo knew, yes. If Belphegor ever willingly moved, everyone needed to find shelter because something is wrong. “Okay. So you were with my servant, Asmo may have been at the spa, and Belphegor was sleeping. What about the other four?” 

“I’m assuming Levi was in his room, he’s just like Belphie after all.” Makes sense. Diavolo nodded, crossing his arms and motioning toward Beel to go on. “Mammon…. I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since yesterday, if I’m being honest.” So Mammon is a suspect. The thought of that demon gambling you off or something may seem ridiculous but it makes Diavolo angry and he’s digging his fingers into his skin, “next. Satan?” Beelzebub shrugged. Has he ever really known anything about Satan? “We don’t hang out a lot…. But he does make some mean ice coffee! He always puts extra whipped cream on mine and sometimes he drizzles me a heart with some choco---” “Beelzebub.” embarrassment rushed through the glutton when Barbatos called him out on his rambling and Diavolo was glaring daggers at him, putting Satan on the suspect list too. “And Lucifer.” Beel looked up, right at Diavolo, although his face was just as stern as the King’s. “I’m guessing he was in his office.” “guessing?” Beel nods, starting to glare because if it wasn’t for Diavolo, none of this would be happening in the first place, “I don’t know if you noticed but you took something from him.” 

A laugh escaped the Demon Lord, but it wasn’t a laugh felt in the heart, no. It was just… insensitive. Emotionless. It was merely a sound. “He got over it.” Beel narrowed his eyes because he knew better than that, “He has been holed up, drowning himself in paperwork more than usual.” Because of you, is what Beel meant to add. Lucifer meant a lot to the guy. Lucifer helped Beel a lot and he always believed in him; he always found a way to cheer for Beel. The least Beelzebub can do is acknowledge his brother’s feelings. “He literally never leaves his office anymore, and if he does, it’s to eat a few crumbs of food. I have to finish his plate for him.” “I’m sure that’s not a real issue to you, Beelzebub.” Never. Never has Beel wanted to commit violence like he does right now. Diavolo calls Lucifer his best friend and yet he backstabbed him. He lied to him. And now he’s making fun of the guy. What a great friend he is. 

But Beel knew better than to talk back. He won’t say anymore in fear of spilling something. “So Mammon and Satan are suspects, Barbatos. Remember that.” What? Beel’s eyes grew wide momentarily and he stepped up, almost getting in Diavolo’s face until Barbatos stopped him, “what? You don’t think they’d have anything to do with this?!” Diavolo looked at him, almost unimpressed, and brushed Barbatos’ hand away from between them, stepping up too until he almost bumped his horns against Beel’s head, “no one is not a suspect, Beelzebub. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and admit that Satan was more likely it than Mammon. The latter doesn’t really have the brains to plan this out, has he?” A growl escaped Beel. Although Mammon could be stupid, and all of his brothers knew that, Beel didn’t like that Diavolo talked to him like that. His fists clenched, as did his teeth, but he’s trying to hold back. “Mammon might not be as smart as Satan, but he isn’t completely dumb, either.” “So you think he could have done it? Interesting. Didn’t think you’d rat your own brother.” What? Beel blinked in confusion, leaning back a bit. “Maybe they worked together….” Diavolo went on and that’s when Beel started to realize that the guy is stalling; he’s playing a game. 

“It’s not just a coincidence that you were there during that time, Beelzebub, is it?” More confusion rushed through him and he gave Diavolo exactly that face. “What do you mean?” “Fine. I’ll play your game. You were a distraction, weren’t you?” A cold shiver ran down his spine but he kept his face of confusion as best as he could. How could Diavolo possibly know? No. He couldn’t. “You see, I thought it was odd that Michael wanted to talk to me. Granted, I needed to talk to the guy anyway and I rather not have the celestial realm on my back all the time about keeping a human. It was a conversation long overdue and desperately needed. It seemed normal enough, although I deemed his timing off. But then…. Then I come home and find my wife gone, which I’m sure you know is not just treason against myself, but also kidnapping and potential murder of the Queen, depending on what happened, and maybe an heir.” Heir? No. No way you’re pregnant. Just the thought is disgusting to him and he hopes it’s not true. “It’s too soon to tell, so maybe that charge will be off the criminal’s back.” Thank father; Beel let out a sigh of relief. Maybe stress caused you to never fall pregnant, let's hope. 

“Then, you happen to be oh so conveniently there at a time that I’m not, and you’re thinking that I believe this is all a coincidence? Beelzebub, I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I know everything.” Barbatos. Beel’s eyes glanced at the butler before glancing back at Diavolo, who’s smirking now. “That’s right. Truthfully, I am hurt that my dearest friend would betray me like that, but I suppose it is payback. I don’t think he would hurt her, either. After all, he does hold a soft spot for her. However, there’s still one problem.” His smirk dropped and he grabbed Beelzebub by the throat, anger radiating through him again as he spoke through clenched teeth, “Barbatos can’t see where she is. He can’t see Lucifer either, which means he protected himself. You, Beelzebub, are going to tell me exactly where they are and in return, I’ll drop all charges against you and force you to only watch one of your beloved brothers die. If you don’t, I won’t hesitate to snap your neck, but not before I rip your brothers to shreds, starting with your favorite, Belphegor.” “Drop him, Diavolo. He doesn’t know anything.” Lucifer. Beel’s eyes landed behind Diavolo to watch the guy. Black. Gold. So that’s where he went. The smirk returned to Diavolo’s lips as he dropped Beelzebub back down, turning to face his dearest friend. 

“Welcome home, friend.”