#and a cringefail disaster of a person the other 50%

[cicerfics]

The whole sugar-baby-Bond-being-bad-with-money thing is so delightful to me, because...like...

Listen, this man made it to his mid-to-late 40s while traveling the world and doing all sorts of insane stuff, so I definitely think he knows how to acquire absolutely anything he may need or want. I think he fully understands high finance, particularly as it pertains to stuff that happens on his missions.

But I also think he has zero experience with normal, mundane, everyday, well-regulated household finance.

He understands all about short-selling and elaborate scams that could have an impact on the global stock markets!

But he doesn't really know what a 'normal utility bill' for two adults living in London might look like.

I also think that his baseline is completely thrown off by his global travels and the fact that prices are so variable depending on where you are in the world.

Like...how much does a banana cost? Well, Bond doesn't know, really. It could be next to nothing, or it could be extremely expensive, depending on where he is in the world this week. They could be GIVING bananas away, or there could be a banana shortage due to shipping problems half a world away that are driving the price up! Who can say!

Also, I think Bond is very skilled and experienced at getting things the Illegal (or Illicit) Way, to the point where he doesn't know (or has forgotten) how to do things the Normal Way.

How does one acquire a car? Well, one receives a car from one's quartermaster, of course! Or one steals a car. Or one wins a car in a high-stakes poker game. :)

Cars are always readily available! Any car one might desire!! Bond is so good at getting cars at any given moment!

But how does one go about buying or leasing a car through traditional means...? Bond is not entirely sure, tbh!

I don't know. Something about this concept just tickles me right down to my toes.

This man who is a secret agent, a world-traveler, an experienced and successful espionage operative, who has been everywhere and done everything and is really highly intelligent...does not know how much groceries are supposed to cost or how you're supposed to, like, create a household budget.

He's completely flummoxed by all the paperwork and strange procedures that one must perform in order to do things The Normal Way. He navigates smoothly and flawlessly through the criminal underworld, but he actually understands almost nothing about civilian life. Help him.

[thedennysmanager]

5, 13, 14, 16, 17, 22, 26, 29, 35, 38, 47, 48 and 51 for Arana pwease

Thanks again for all your asks you are doing gods' work. Arana'Louraine my beloved cringefail ex-archfey she is the prime blorbo:

5: Do they follow a higher power? What are their thoughts on divinity?

One of the main catalysts for Arana's mental breakdown in the past and subsequent deposition from her throne was religion. During the war against her father Kosso'Louraine, she was captured by him and spent months imprisoned as he tried to fuse her with a demon. She eventually freed herself by beheading Kosso, and a demon lord. When she was found by her own soldiers the people rejoiced and thanked the gods for setting Arana free. Arana became furious that all of her struggle to free herself was attributed to the gods. Consumed by these thoughts, and the riled up by the demon (Soon to be Maeyir) inside her, Arana denounced the gods and doesn't worship any. Except of course Azina, goddess of the feywilds, which all fey think of as their grandma rather than a god.

13: What do they dislike about themself? Why?

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH BOY, 50% of her problems are caused by her immense self-hatred but refusal to admit anything is actually wrong. First off she has intense body dysphoria, which she fixed by changing her form into what it is currently, but now her body is covered in scars, and blemishes that she can't get rid of (because of Maeyir). So now she can't go anywhere without using alter self or a ton of makeup. The other big thing she doesn't like about herself is how she can't ever be satisfied with not being constantly perceived as perfect. Arana doesn't actually understand that yet, but she needs everyone to love her all the time. To compensate for the fact that Arana knows she isn't perfect, she keeps deluding herself into believing that she is infallible. Fey can't lie, but it isn't a lie if you believe that its true.

14: What is something they love about themself?

Arana does actually like that she is so intelligent (conventionally, not emotionally). She doesn't get to show it off often, because she is busy being a disaster but it makes her feel important.

16: What are their feelings on the people who raised them?

She is genuinely full panic attack terrified of her father Kosso (pictured below). She can be reasonably diagnosed with every Cluster B personality disorder and her dad is the cause. Kosso treated Arana like an object (because that's what he genuinely thought she was) and would punish her for every expression of personality by trapping her in a pocket dimension of an endless empty maze for sometimes years. This is where her abandonment issues comes from as Arana feels like she will disappear if she isn't constantly being payed attention to. Arana can take solace in the fact that she killed Kosso herself, but prefers not to think about him at all. If he somehow came back to life, she would completely go off the deep end.

17: What do they dream about, when their dreams are their own?

Even when not wearing her nightmare ring to prevent Maeyir from getting stronger, she usually has nightmares about being trapped in Kosso's pocket dimension or dungeon. Her happy dreams are all about being told that people love her and feeling safe in the arms of lovers.

22: What is a promise they've broken?

Its the highest fey crime to lie, so she hasn't broken any promise she has verbally agreed to. However, when Maeyri was first gaining consciousness inside Arana's head, she made a ton of subconscious promises to Maeyir about how they were going to make everyone respect them together. Arana now blames Maeyir for all her problems and Maeyir thinks that Arana only ever lies to her.

26: Who do they miss?

Arana misses everyone that she cares about as soon as they are out of sight. Right now she misses Vesryn so badly and would give almost anything to be with her again. She also misses Iflax (her butler) whenever he takes his leave, as Iflax is one of the few people who can handle her and doesn't try to abandon or take advantage of Arana. She is also perpetually missing her ex-wife and ex-husband as the former, was the one who had to stop her rampage in the past, and the later was killed by Kosso.

29: Who would they save? Who would they be saved by?

She wouldn't really save many people, and would probably leave most people to their fate. However, she would block bullets with her face to save any of her lovers or good friends. The unexpected answer of who she would be saved by is Maeyir. Although they hate each other and want to kill each other, Maeyir still loves Arana and doesn't really want to let her once only friend die.

35: Which party member do they worry for?

They worry for Vesryn the most, as they are partners now, she tangentially worries about everyone else. I mean she likes you guys but if you died she would be upset but it wouldn't be devastating since she is so self-centered.

38: What do they smell like?

Opposite to Selena, Arana perpetually smells good like spring, flowers, and sweets. Part of this is pheromones to help charm people into obeying her.

47: When they meet someone, what is the first thing they notice?

When seeing somebody for the first time, Arana is less concerned with anything physical, and more about the vibes someone gives off. Its all about feelings, the way they carry themselves and how they act.

48: What do they see in their future?

Arana does her best to not think about the future, by getting drunk and high because she genuinely cannot see anything getting better for herself, so instead she will live in a prison of the present.

51: What is the most beautiful thing in the world for them?

She truly thinks spiders are beautiful creatures and she loves the way they move and construct webs. This is why she chose spiders as her minions and tried to replace all her subjects with them. Her favorite was a gargantuan spider called Bwy'Taryyd (World Eater) which she gave intelligence and treated like a son (he died though :()