#and Terry falls under that category for me

[losthavenmine]

Advent Character Countdown❄️14th December❄️ || No. 11: Terry Thorne (Proof of Life, 2000)

[syrena-del-mar]

Examining the Use of Movie Posters in Dead Friend Forever, Episode 8

So, for the past few weeks I've been paying attention to the different movie posters in Non's room and we finally got a clear shot of the posters in Episode 8! A big thank you to @lukaherehelp, @slayerkitty, and @fiction-is-queer for helping me identify, track down, and discuss all the movie posters and their possible significance.

Before we jump in, I think there are some interesting trends that have come from the chosen movie posters that have been plastered on the walls. First, all the movies either have kids dying or kids involved in some capacity. Second, two of the posters were in Spanish (does this hint that New was in a Spanish-speaking country?). Third, several seem to be in the horror films. Fourth, most seem to take place out in nature (a la cabin in the woods.)

El Fuera de la Ley -> The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

Interestingly enough, Clint Eastwood's The Outlaw Josey Wales is the only legitimate poster that I have been able to find that Be On Cloud has chosen to use. I'm attributing this to mainly be due to American copyright laws.

For those that aren't familiar with U.S. copyright laws or just copyright laws in general, the law protects any tangible, intellectual property. Under the Copyright Act of 1976, as amended in 1978, any work that is made for hire, the copyright endures for a term of 95 years since its first publication. Movie posters do fall under this category. But this term of 95 years only took effect starting from January 1st, 1978, meaning that any work prior to this amendment was still controlled by the 1976 act. Under the 1976 act, the initial term of copyright was 28 years from the date of publication or registration. After the initial term, it could then be extended for 67 years for a total 95 years, but the copyright holder would need to actively extend the term. The Outlaw of Josey Wales came out in 1976, and assuming that the did not pursue copyright for the next 67 years, the copyright term would have ended in 2004. Meaning that Be On Cloud would be able to use the original movie poster without having to pay for the right of use.

Now onto the actual relevant portion of the plot. Josey Wales, a Missouri farmer, seeks revenge after his wife and son are murdered by pro-Union militants led by Captain Terri. Refusing to surrender to the Union, after the war, he ends up with a bounty on his head. Captain Terrill hunts down Wales and opens fire on him. Struggle ensues, Terrill draws out his sword and tries to kill Wales, but instead Wales take control and forces the blade through Terrill's chest and finally avenges his family. There is still a bounty for Wales, but locals cover him and tell the Rangers that came looking for him that he had already been killed. Ultimately, Wales has found his peace and rides off in the sunset, while you're left being unsure whether he survived or died of his wounds.

Now, I'm thinking this is where we're heading for the ending. After it's all said and done, I think this may play out in two different ways: either we'll never really truly find out whether Non made it out alive or we'll never know who the actual killer is. Either way, with the ending of The Hidden Character and coupled with the ending of this movie, I really think we're heading towards the direction where we're going to end up with a rather ambiguous ending. And if Non is confirmed dead, will it be Phee to be the last one standing after having avenged him? If Non's the writer and Phee is the killer, by Non's new storyboard and following Wales' story, he would.

La Madre: Love Never Dies -> Mamá : El Amor De Una Madre Es Para Siempre (2013)

‘Mama’ is a supernatural horror film that follows two young girls, Victoria and Lilly, who disappeared the of their parents' deaths but are later found abandoned in a forest cabin after 5 years have passed. They are taken in by their uncle Lucas and his girlfriend Annabel, but strange occurrences reveal the presence of a malevolent entity they call "Mama." As Annabel struggles to bond with the girls, Mama becomes increasingly possessive and dangerous, threatening their safety. Annabel offers Mama her lost child's remains to soothe Mama's anger but Lily's call interrupts, leading to Mama's return as she attempts to take the girls. Victoria chooses to stay with Annabel, and Mama and Lily fall off a cliff, before becoming spirits that turn into moths. At the end, you see one of the moths land on Victoria, likely showing the Lily would always be with Victoria.

Now at first glance, I thought this was just in reference to Non's tumultuous relationship with his mother, which I'll get to that in another meta, but the more I think about it seems like it parallels the corruption of innocence and the monstrosity found in humanity. In ‘Mama’, the corruption of innocence occurs not only to the children but actually to Mama herself. She becomes a malevolent entity after the loss of her child and becomes obsessed with the sisters in a twisted form of motherly love. Meanwhile, Non's life is irrevocably altered by the actions of the THC gang. They initiate the beginning of Non's life imploding on him. He's rendered a victim of relentless harassment and violence. The psychological and physical trauma that the THC gang put him through eventually breaks him and what little of his sanity that he had left. They destroyed him, intentionally. There’s no true remorse from any one of them, sans (maybe) Jin. Monsters do not always come in the shape of supernatural entities and the THC gang has proven that. They relentlessly tormented Non, manipulated and exploited him for their own gain, while showing little regard for the life that they, quite literally, traded in return for their own success. They may be haunted by te supernatural, hunted by a killer, but they were the first monsters.

"A ghost is an emotion bent out of shape, condemned to repeat itself, time and time again until it rights the wrong that was done." This quote comes directly from the movie and really sums up everything that the THC gang has been living and fearing. Non's movie is has come full circle, it's finally being performed the way he wrote it. There's no more hijacking of his film and changing the ending depending on who is skimming through the script. Instead, who ever is laying out these murders is fixing the changes made and following what Non wanted. And if he gets his way, nobody is going to survive this time around.

Considering the ending once more, it's going to be interesting if the DFF's ending parallels Mama's. If so, who is going to be the hypothetical sacrificial lamb? Will it be Phee? Tan? White? Or, has it been Non this whole time?

Whisper (2007)

Quite frankly, I'm not familiar with this movie at all, but I'm going to do a quick recap from what I could find online. In "Whisper," Max Truemont and his fiancée Roxanne seek a fresh start by opening a diner, but face financial obstacles. Max agrees to join his former partner Sydney in kidnapping 8-year-old David, son of a wealthy woman, for ransom. After the abduction, tensions rise among the group as suspicions emerge, exacerbated by David's ability to manipulate minds. It's revealed that David's mother is the mastermind behind the plot, claiming David is a demon with mind control powers. She urges Max to kill David, but she dies by her own hand when he refuses. Max ultimately kills David, unintentionally causing Roxanne's death in the process.

I think the obvious parallel here is the kidnapping that occurs. Yet, in 'Whisper', trust and betrayal are central to the plot where Max places his trust in Sydney only to betrayed when loyalties are questioned. Meanwhile, Non gets dragged into the movie by Jin, the one who places himself to be the friendliest of the group and is the only one that seems to want to have Non around. Out of everyone, Jin appears to be the closest to Non. Hell, in the present Tee even states that if Non were to visit anyone after disappearing for so long, it would be Jin. But we know that's not true, arguably the biggest betrayal comes from Jin. First, he films him getting sexually assaulted. Second, he lets Non get kidnapped by Tee and Top. Thirdly, he completely lies to the police officer about not knowing what happened to Non and actively frames Non as a promiscuous kid that ran away with his teacher. Jin was actively a bystander to Non's torment. Both narratives highlight the fragility of trust and the consequences of betrayal.

With that, ‘Whisper’ also revolves around the consequences of Max's actions. Max's decision to participate in the kidnapping of David set off a chain of events that screws up his whole life, quite literally causing the death of his fiancée. Here, Non's choice to continuously get involved with the THC gang really was the beginning of an end for him. Same with the decision to repay Por with the mafia's horse accounts... his choice to fix a problem with another problem shaped what little future he had.

Rivarium -> Vivarium (2019)

Again, this is another movie that I had to research. In "Vivarium," the concept of brood parasitism is starkly depicted through the introduction of a cuckoo bird. Gemma and Tom, a young couple, become trapped in a surreal suburban neighborhood called "Yonder" after being led there by a mysterious real estate agent. As they struggle to escape, they discover they are part of an experiment conducted by an otherworldly entity, with a strange child named "The Boy" at the center. Ultimately, the film concludes with The Boy assuming the identity of the dying real estate agent Martin, perpetuating the cycle of captivity and manipulation.

‘Vivarium’ explores the theme of cycles and repetition, as Gemma and Tom find themselves trapped in a seemingly endless loop of confinement and captivity. Despite their repeated attempts to escape, they always return to the same house, number 9, mirroring the cyclical nature of brood parasitism found in nature. Non finds himself in the vicious cycle of abuse and retaliation, where every time that he tries to fix one problem, he gets in another. No matter what he tries to do to dig himself up from his hole, it only leads to further escalation and harm to himself. @lukaherehelp and @fiction-is-queer made good points that in this case, Non is the 'bird' that the 'cuckoos', the THC gang, used for their own benefit. And now that Non is gone, the loop restarts, only now it’s Phee and Tan’s turn to infiltrate the group that has caused Non’s ruin.

The Devil (2010)

Now, this is the only movie poster that is not found in Non's room, but is actually located in Jin's.

‘The Devil’ revolves around five strangers that become trapped in an elevator. As they struggle to escape, it becomes apparent that one among them is the Devil incarnate, manipulating events and tormenting the others with a series of disturbing manifestations. Meanwhile, outside the elevator, a detective investigates the strange occurrences, gradually piecing together the connection between the trapped individuals and the sinister presence haunting the building. As the situation inside the elevator becomes increasingly dire, the characters are forced to confront their darkest secrets and sins, each suspecting the others of being the Devil in disguise. Once they deny their sins, the devil is able to claim their soul. The Devil is unable to claim the last survivor's soul, because Tony confesses and repents for having killed a family in a car accident and fleeing the scene.

This one I find to be incredibly interesting, because I can't help but wonder if this is foreshadowing Jin's journey. To gain forgiveness, you first have to admit your faults. Jin has to first acknowledge the harm he has caused Non, since he constantly postures himself to be the 'nice guy'. Now the question is will he continue to be a coward and deny that he had any part in Non's disappearance, in Non's mental break down, or will he 'confess his sins' and face the consequences of the reality that he helped create?

Final Thoughts

If you read all the way through this... first off, thank you, because this might just be my longest meta.

I might just be reading way too into this show and maybe they just needed movie posters to demonstrate Non's interest in filmmaking, but Be On Cloud is known for paying attention to their minor details. Plus if Non's t-shirts can speak, why not his movie posters? Especially when they gave us such a clean shot of the foreground in today's episode.

Everything beyond The Outlaw Josey Wiles is pure speculation, since there's no exact movie poster that I could find. It’s going to be interesting to see if DFF's ending mirrors any of the endings in the referenced movies.

[sleepyhead-poll]

LIST OF REJECTED CHARACTER (SO FAR)

Under the cut is a list of characters who, so far, have been rejected. I am also listing the reason on why they are being rejected:

The following list of 5 characters have been rejected for falling more under the category of characters who have been comatose / hibernated / been in a deep slumber:

Aurora from Disney's Sleeping Beauty [NOTE: While Aurora from Disney's Sleeping Beauty herself is not accepted, other variations from the Sleeping Beauty story HAVE been accepted such as Shrek's Sleeping Beauty and Silver from Twisted Wonderland. The reason why this specific version of Sleeping Beauty isn't accepted is because her sleeping was not a part of her characterization- she basically just fell into a magical coma- but the accepted versions DO have sleeping as part of their characterization.]

Cthulhu from The Call of Cthulhu by H.P. Lovecraft

Flayn from Fire Emblem: Three Houses

He Xuan from Tian Guan Ci Fu / Heaven Official's Blessing

Robin from Fire Emblem: Awakening

The following list of 2 characters have been rejected for falling under the category of "one-off joke", i.e., their sleepy trait was a joke in part chapter or episode and not a consistent part of their character: (If I am incorrect and there are multiple instances throughout the work they appear in that alludes to them being a sleepyhead, feel free to send it to me and I will un-reject them)

Crowley from Good Omens, specifically the book by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

Pavel Iwaszkiewicz from Community

The following list of 2 characters have been rejected for being from real life:

Every cat [NOTE: Dude I literally said not to submit yourself or pets from real life. I know not every cat is a pet, but come on.]

The country of Montenegro [NOTE: Okay this was a funny submission but sorry. Not counting real people... or countries.]

The following list of 3 characters have powers that have to do with sleep, but don't seem to be a sleepyhead themselves:

Enmu from Demon Slayer

Faruzan from Genshin Impact

Sumireko Usami from Touhou Project

And finally, the following list of 4 characters are the rest of the rejected characters. I will list the reason why under their name:

Blathers from Animal Crossing. I haven't played Animal Crossing, but from what I can tell this character isn't actually sleepy, they're just nocturnal so have an opposite sleep schedule as the player.

Greece / Heracles Karpusi from Hetalia Invoking my "right to reject any submission". You could not pay me to accept a Hetalia / country personification into this poll.

Jack Townsend from Tales from the Gas Station Seems like an interesting book! But he seems to be an insomniac, which is the opposite of a sleepy character.

Sleepy Dwarf Character from Once Upon a Time (in Space) by the Mechanisms The submitter said they didn't remember their name which is why I said "sleepy dwarf character" instead of Sleepy or whatever their name is because I'm not sure if that is their name. I would appreciate it if you know the name of a character you are submitting. If they don't have a name, chances are that they are such a minor character that I don't think they should count. Not always, but usually. Supported by the fact that when I tried to Google the character I could barely find any information on them except that they sang on verse in one song in this entire album.

[ao3feed-ineffablehusbandz]

with wax melted under sunlight

with wax melted under sunlight

by unhookingstarswithoutpermission

He hits the angel’s left shoulder blade and Aziraphale yelps. Crowley panics.

“Shit, shit, shit, angel, I’m sorry–”, he keeps on murmuring, now holding Aziraphale’s waist with one hand and hovering the other on his shoulder, trying his best to soothe the pain even if he can’t heal the wound, not while he’s flustered and vibrating with excitement.

“Crowley”, Aziraphale says, infinitely gentle. It sounds like a question. “Did you just heal me?”, he asks, and he doesn’t sound upset – only confused.

Crowley pulls back and promptly deflates against the cushion.

-

Aziraphale hurts his wing during the Apocalypse-that-wasn't. Crowley, who was once Raphael, tries to heal him even if he's no angel anymore.

Words: 5054, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Introspection, Vulnerability, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, First Kiss, 6000 Years of Pining (Good Omens), Post-Canon, POV Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Healing, Praise Kink, not overt but it's definitely there, aziraphale is hurt and crowley heals him, crowley has some of raphael's powers still, Tooth-Rotting Fluff

From https://ift.tt/SUMxaTb https://archiveofourown.org/works/48886300

[popstart]

What ship/romantic relationship(s) would you think would be long-term/till death do us part type (if u have one of those)

the vast majority of total drama relationships are bleak as all hell and most definitely not long term, but that doesnt mean all lol

I imagine most ships with bridgette working out and "canonically" speaking (terry said on twitter) bridgette and geoff stay together. I see it. The time between action and wt was a fluke, world tour was a fluke, they get past it and love eachother and everythings ok.

Also now that im thinking about it i see rajbow lasting a long time bc theyre like. the domestic couple of all time. Bowie being raj's first gay crush does very little to make me seriously think they would break up. Ive known people who marry their highschool sweethearts/ the first person they date. its happened.

anyways thats it for canon relationships which people tend to agree with

as for ships, i see any bffs types lasting a long time. I think nowen is the best example of this. I cant think of anything they would realistically have enough conflict over to break up over lol

I guess still sailing on the bridgette express you could say bridgney. which. Also falls into the bff category. Im working with what i like here which is either doomed and tragic or actual bffls. Anyways similar situation to nowen i cant think of something that would realistically cause them to break up. The person that forever ago said courtney would be upset enough with bridgette to stop being her friend over her cheating on geoff was WRONG. they work everything out. live happily ever after. etc. etc.

As for couples that i think would decidedly NOT work out for one reason or another because i think that is also a fun question ill put them under the cut

I wont list every single god damn couple of all time because like i said, the vast majority of td relationships and ships are BLEAKKKK i will just say the ones that stick out to me or the ones that people seem to have different opinions on. I just wanna talk about this

Feels weird to put ripaxel here bc theyre essentially the same as bridgeoff but the difference between bridgeoff and ripaxel is 1) development time, 2) what development we see/dont see, and 3) time we've seen them together. We see bridgette and geoff courting for an entire season then at the end of the season we see the culmination of that and see theyre in a relationship. We dont ever really see them confess to eachother which means any damn thing could have happened in that time. Ripaxel though court for like 4 episodes and we see rippers confession and it is very bare bones. Bridgeoff last at the very least 3 years (if the rr ages are to be treated as canon) while ripaxel last….. a season. and we've seen essentially nothing from them. Anyways thats my 'why bridgeoff and ripaxel are different' thesis.

people seem to have it in their heads that gwourtney is a bffs type of ship and. You could not be more wrong SORRY. Ive said it before but if all stars is supposedly so bad at characterizing, whyyy is gwourtney the random exception. People that dont like the ship reasonably point out that their weird honeymoon phase in AS is not in character, and i wouldnt say its not entirely in character, but its certainly not what the ship is like long term. I dont necessarily think theyre doomed, I do however think it would take a truckload of working things out which is a coinflip of if gwen would be willing to go through that.

Ok moving on, heathney is most definitely doomed from the start. Ik this is my brand and i should have faith in them i just. Do not. I feel like if they met at an older age when they've both worked on themselves and mellowed out it could work, but I feel like they require such different things in relationships it would take. So Much Talking that the two of them would rather die than initiate. Heather very much shies away from physical contact and general loveydoveyness (all stars finale exempt which i have decided in my mind was them being annoying on purpose to fuck with chris) while courtney is fucking constantly initiating that shit (insert compilation of every time she rams her face into duncans). she is so CLINGY. anyways they would totally fight over their very conflicting ideas of what affection is like, nevermind the way they would actually get together would be infinitely fucked up in every single way. literally in every universe theyre fucked up and there is nothing i can do to save them i just sit back and watch.

im trying not to take the easy route and just list every single courtney ship but its so god damn easy shes so fucked up. every single relationship she has is fucked up, its time to talk about duncney. not even considering the fact they canonically break up in the show like 3 times, it was bound to happen eventually off screen/ after the events of total drama. Like, even if duncan never cheated on her, courtney was an awful fucking girlfriend LMAO. they were never gonna work it out since that is just Not how the two of them roll. At all. theyre both so emotionally closed off and distant that theyd have to go to so so so much couples therapy that neither of them would ever agree to to work it out. As is the case with all of these, i feel it could work out when theyve worked on themselves as adults, but the chances are slim. I think their time in island together was very honeymoon-phase-ish and if ISLAND is their honeymoon phase that really speaks of how bad their relationship can get.

[givemaycoffee]

Get to Know You - Tag Game

I was tagged by the lovely @growing-up-tinkywinky

last song: Your Turn to Roll (Critical Role) (I have been listening to this on repeat a LOT recently)

currently watching: I finally gave in and started Ted Lasso and I love it.

currently reading: Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett

current obsession: I mean. Other than Critical Role/specifically Percy de Rolo? Soup dumplings. The Wise Man's Tree by CurrieBelle (fanfiction - this technically falls under the Percy category but it deserves it's own mention I think because I have really intense hyperfixation feelings about it). Gruyere cheese. My cat's cute little face. Chocolate.

Tagging: @insomnikat-mused @parad0xymoron @budgiekazoo @une-pomm3 and @starshineandhappythoughts if any of y'all feel like it. Also, if you want to do this and aren't tagged please do and tag me as the person who tagged you so I can see it!!!!! <3

[morebedsidebooks]

The Illusionist by Françoise Mallet-Joris

“Often, too, she amused herself by staring into my eyes fixedly, until I would be obliged to look aside, thus implicitly admitting my inferiority. Sometimes I could hold out for a good minute, but I always ended up by giving way, and this defeat both exasperated me and gave me a confused indefinable pleasure. She enjoyed demanding my kisses at inopportune moments (as for instance when I was hurried or when she was expecting a visitor) and if I resisted, she triumphed over my objections by force. The very way she took me in her arms, the very methods of our love-making had changed. She forced me to comply to certain refinements of depravity which I would rather have avoided;”

  Le Rempart des Béguines (known in English under titles The Illusionist, The Loving and the Daring, and Into the Labyrinth) the 1951 debut novel by Belgium author Françoise Mallet-Joris is one of the more memorable novels to be viewed under the category of lesbian fiction. Indeed, one such pulp paperback tagline “a compelling novel of secret love” is fairly apt. Written only at 19 the book has endured, later in 1972 also adapted to film.

The story is written from the perspective of Hélène, an extremely lonely and emotionally neglected 15-and-a-half-year-old, falling into a toxic relationship with her father’s Russian mistress. Tamara, is a woman more than double Hélène’s age, running in bohemian libertine circles plus afoul of the hypocritical standards of the well-to-do of society.

First translated in 1952 the English translation by Herma Briffault reprinted in 2006 has a cover with the image of a lady, eyes obscured, in a well-tailored black dress with hat and pearls that gives a more sophisticated air versus some previous editions. Not entirely undeserved. The book is adroit when it comes to the inner life of its characters, teenage emotions especially. While Hélène is caught in an eroticized net of Tamara’s, women’s relationships are not being romanticized by Mallet-Joris. (Nor did she think of the relationship she wrote as a lesbian one.) Apparently, the plot was inspired by events involving a school friend of the author. Blurbs also compare the painted prose to the likes of Colette’s work. But when considering the story there was another parallel, I couldn’t help thinking of. Colette didn’t just write about a May-December relationship but in real life was a woman who seduced her stepson. Mallet-Joris as a teenager was caught in an affair with an older man and during her life had others, (including with women) and three marriages.

The edition also boasts an introduction by American literary scholar Terry Castle. Which at one-point touches on the story of a friend who had an experience akin to the character of Hélène. Later while the friend was seeing a psychiatrist, the psychiatrist “as if stating the obvious, she remarked ‘And now you will do the same to someone else.’” Castle writes “My friend made it her subsequent business to disprove the oracle”. Oracle?! How is that a fitting word? Words too do not begin to cover the psychiatrist’s statement and the damage of it either. Maybe survivors would not be so haunted by the possibility of perpetuating a cycle if society did not reinforce “the monster the monster creates”. I don’t believe Hélène qualifies as a monster at all. As if sexuality wasn’t complicated enough, so many people must sort through all types of traumas, stereotypes and how it does or doesn’t affect them. Insightfulness, identity (though not necessarily sexual), and maturity are at the fore of the novel. Castle’s also makes an assertion of the book that there is “not a trace of feminist sentiment— any residual notion Women are Somehow Better. Most of the time they seem Much Worse.”  This feels strange as well. Yes, a woman is at the zenith of brutal influence in this novel. Besides Tamara’s past mixing with events, abuse masquerades as a D/s dynamic. There are also various female side characters living their own complex lives one might evaluate too. Yet, Hélène begins to feel contempt for Tamara because of how Tamara gives in to security, submits and converts herself in a sexist, classist world. The myth of relationships between women being something higher than other forms is gender essentialism. So, one might do well to skim over the introduction.

Afterwards If one is curious of how the young Hélène fares after the ending, well there is a sequel The Red Room. Françoise Mallet-Joris while still a teen created a complex novel. Going on towards a notable career. Works of which are still compelling many years on.

  The Illusionist by Françoise Mallet-Joris is available in English, translation by Herma Briffault, in print and audio

[3dnygma]

What I read in 2023

That post about my fave 2023 movies and TV shows made me want to do a similar post about the books (and stories etc.) I've read in 2023!

I'm not usually too keen on sharing my reads because it takes me ages to finish books, which usually results in a very low amount of pages read each year... at least compared to the amount I often see others share on Social Media. But tbh, any amount is better than reading not reading at all :)

That's also why I often tend to gravitate towards novellas, short stories and anthologies.

So yup, here are all the novels, stories and non-fiction works I read in 2023.

And then I woke up by Malcolm Devlin: My girlfriend gifted me this one and I read it within a single day (which is quite rare for me) while we were on a train ride to Berlin. It's the best book I've been gifted in a while: perfect length, perfect style, intriguing subject matter, deep characters. Devlin uses tropes from Zombie shows and other post-apocalyptic media to address the much larger topic of radicalization in the 21st century and I love with how much humanity + understanding he went about this.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett: This one's been going on for a while, fellas. Literally started reading it during my trip to the States in summer 2019 but due to already having seen the show, I never really felt like finishing the novel in one go. But I think that also reveals a lot about how entertaining I found the novel. It was good and I def get the hype surrounding it but the style wasn't as much to my liking as I hoped it would be.

Damals war es Friedrich by Hans Peter Richter: I read this one for work. The other German teachers at the school I worked at in 2022/23 all chose to read this one with their students so I went along with it. It's about two young boys who grow up as neighbors in Germany before and during WWII. I totally see why this one is such a popular choice in schools over here, it taught some v important lessons to my students regarding the spread of fascism and antisemitism. What I liked most about it is how the novel aimed to teach its readers about Jewish culture, traditions and successes, which I haven't seen much in other "WWII media" that is frequently dealt with in Austrian schools.

Matilda by Roald Dahl: Def my most fun read of 2023! I wanted to read another book with those same students at the end of the year (after their final exam). Out of all the books in the school's library, I went with this one because I was familiar with both movie adaptations and thought that it would allow for some really fun lesson ideas. We made bingo sheets with our predictions of the story, split up the roles whenever we read chapters in class, did grammar + spelling tasks with snippets from the book, wrote a diary entry from Mathilda's POV, and wrote an email from Miss Honey's POV. After finishing the book, we watched the older movie adaptation with Danny Devito in it. It was so much fun :')

All Tomorrows - A Billion Year Chronicle of the Myriad Species and Mixed Fortunes of Man by C. M. Kosemen: This book deals with sci-fi, body horror AND is written like a historical account - love me some epistolary, always. In short, it checks off all of my favourite boxes. It tells the story of a future in which humans start colonizing space and are punished for their hubris through various procedures of genetic engineering that are enforced on them. Multiple species that once used to be human and their habitats are documented and accompanied by fascinatingly horrifying illustrations. The free PDF can be found here and there is also an abridged retelling of the book on YouTube featuring snippets of the novel and its illustrations. I've consumed and can recommend both. This work made me discover and love the biopunk genre. If anybody has recommendations that fall under similar categories, please let me know.

four essays from It Came from the Closet: "Twenty-five contemporary queer and trans writers reflect on the horror films that shaped them and shook them." So far, I've gotten around to reading "Both Ways [Jennifer's Body]" by Carmen Maria Machado, "My Hand on the Glass [Hereditary]" by Bruce Owens Grimm, "The Wolf Man's Daughter [The Wolf Man]" by Tosha R. Taylor, and "Black Body Snatchers [Get Out]" by Samuel Autman. Out of those four, "My Hand on the Glass" and "Black Body Snatchers" stuck with me the most.

My goal for 2024 is to finish the books I've already started and to read more works by female writers.

Because my reading habits are a mess, there are several books that I've started reading a while ago and have yet to finish. These include:

Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder (abt 1/5th done)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller (almost finished w that one)

Fullmetal Alchemist by Hiromu Arakawa (my friends gifted me the first volume of the manga for Christmas bc the FMAB anime is one of my fave pieces of media)

[ddelline]

ch83—136 | a shibuya OST

what | 49 quintessentially shibuya sounding tracks from every which genre (except the overused nu-metal the fandom wants) blurb | encountered one too many threads about the forthcoming (incredible sounding) shibuya OST filled w "it’s not hard/aggressive-sounding enough to fit the arc"-discourse, which gave me a rash, bc music w/o screaming can also sound (&go) hard af. so that forced me to assemble all my finest genre finds under the category “aggressive/raw/claustrophobic/menacing sounding tracks”, ranging from electro/ebm/breaks/idm → art pop/electronica/triphop → psychedelic rock & more. tldr here it is: the result of me being Affronted By Someone’s Musical Opinion On The Internet playlist → spotify (cont updated) tracklist | under cut

1. Identified Patient — Low Kust instr

2. Tricky & Martina Topley-Bird — Hell Is Round The Corner distant drums bring the news of a kill tonight  the kill which I share with my passengers  we take our fill, take our fill, take our fill

3. COUCOU CHLOE — WIZZ high—not the first time (shh)  high—not your last time (shh)

4. Tzusing — Gait instr

5. Martina Topley-Bird — Too Tough To Die derision’s a cold wind against my skin  you keep a-flayin’ til there’s no skin at all  what’s to hold it together when you stumble  and you fall

6. Labrinth — Nate Growing Up player, player put the money on it

7. Smoke City — Devil Mood I feel in a devil of a mood being instilled by the devil  wicked hot, brings me so much pain  and pleasure I can’t keep away

8. Massive Attack — Risingson now you’re lost and you’re lethal  and now’s about the time you gotta leave all  these good people; dream on

9. Portishead — Wandering Star those who have seen the needle’s eye now tread like a husk from which all that was now has fled  and the masks that the monsters wear  to feed upon their prey

10. The Herbaliser — The Sensual Woman instr

11. Vessel — Red Sex instr

12. Björk — Hunter I’m not stopping: I’m going hunting  I’m the hunter—I’ll bring back the goods 

13. Sofa Surfers — Hardwire psychic shrapnel  the ruin in me  I don’t want no heroes  cause someday you see the wire

14. Dollkraut — Rollercoaster instr

15. Nearly God, Terry Hall & Martina Topley-Bird — Poems forget the punk, I pack the funk  I’m gonna take a piece of you

16. Tristesse Contemporaine — Daytime Nighttime I just keep crashing, living on my rations the bullets and the roses, devil and the poses  don’t know where my ghost is; don’t know where my home is  guess we never chose this

17. Tzusing — 日出東方 唯我不敗 instr

18. Björk — Army of Me you’ll meet an army of me  army of me

19. Erik Lundin — Gold my sight aims on the horizon  through my pulse  and my temperature rising

20. Amnesia Scanner & Freeka Tet — Ledge instr

21. Tzusing — Residual Stress instr

22. The Prodigy — Breathe breathe the pressure come play my game, I’ll test ya psychosomatic, addict, insane

23. Caterina Barbieri — Memory Leak instr

24. Radiohead — The National Anthem everyone is so near  everyone has got the fear  it’s holding on

25. UNKLE & Thom Yorke — Rabbit In Your Headlights fat bloody fingers  are suckin’ your soul  away, away, away

26. Queens of the Stone Age — “You Got A Killer Scene There, Man…” what’s the fuckin’ difference, we all gonna die  you gonna do something killer?  c’mon, give it a try

27. Paul Kalkbrenner — Gebrünn Gebrünn instr

28. Underworld — and the colour red dark charge  no, no, no dark  charge  no, no, no

29. Tricky & Martina Topley-Bird — Black Steel I’m not a fugitive on the run  but a brother like me began to be another one  public enemy servin’ time, they drew the line y’all  they criticize me for some crime 30. Justice — Genesis instr 31. Alice In Chains — Would? am I wrong? have I run too far to get home?  have I gone? and left you here alone? 32. Mother Love Bone — This Is Shangrila so don’t you die on me, babe  don’t you die on me  ‘cause love is all good people need

33. Linkin Park — Faint I can’t feel the way I did before  don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored  time won’t heal this damage anymore 

34. Labrinth — Mount Everest I burn down my house and build it up again  (tell ‘em)  I burn it down twice just for the fun of it (tell ‘em)

35. Vince Staples & Snoh Aalegra — Jump Off The Roof highway to hell and I’m speeding one way to tell if I’m breathing  on three let’s jump off the roof

36. Blawan — Body Ramen instr

37. David Holmes presents The Free Association — Le Baggage rise (rise, rise) rise above ground

38. Nearly God & Björk — Keep Your Mouth Shut better keep your mouth shut, babe  next to your chest  better keep your mouth closed, baby  and keep it close to your chest

39. The Dead Weather — 60 Feet Tall I know it ain’t easy  I must tap your evil well  boy, you come roaring like a bat out of hell

40. Giant Swan — Boasting instr

41. Screaming Trees — Shadow of the Season the hour is ending, can’t you see  there is no way now to get free  in the shadow of the season without a reason to carry on

42. Underworld — Bruce Lee bullet got the wrong bloke but he don’t die anyway  it’s nothing mortal but he don’t move

43. Amon Tobin & MC Decimal R. — Verbal instr

44. Massive Attack & Young Fathers — Voodoo In My Blood voodoo in my blood is livid  blood take, I’m chillin’, chill me  got the soul of a mimic  sign of the wars is my grinning

45. Blawan — Under Belly instr

46. Massive Attack & Roots Manuva — Dead Editors ‘cause to live or to die for  we all search for some kind of truth

47. Gonjasufi — Your Maker (Daddy G Remix) is anyone else tired from working on a spaceship?  from walking on a wire?

48. Labrinth — Gangster instr

49. Tzusing — 戴綠帽 (Wear Green Hat) instr

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

howdy frank!

what is your favorite genre (of movies/television/music/books)?

thank you for your time!

Thanks!

I'm very fond of sci-fi (both written and visual), especially (though not exclusively) of a specific kind that includes:

surreal, strange, and not always entirely clear narratives

fantasy with some sci-fi elements

something that feels like a cross between an SF story and an idea play

The last category is something I've enjoyed for some time, but for years I didn't know how to categorize it, as I was too much of a sci-fi snob to really want to read, say, genre fiction. (I'm happy to report that I'm pretty open-minded now, at least in that respect, though I still tend to be snobby in other ways.) But I'd also heard a lot of people talking about The Sandman, and I ended up reading it a few years ago, and I enjoyed it very much. So that made me feel like I could enjoy other such things.

So I'm going to say that it's a subgenre of fantasy, but a relatively new one, although it draws on older ideas. It's kind of a cross between cosmic horror/speculative fiction and stuff like Terry Gilliam's Brazil. It's got some really unusual things in it, things that don't fit into any traditional narrative structure, things that are sort of … a lot, and have been kind of overstated in recent years, and that I guess could be considered "weird." (There's a lot of weirdness in my book collection, but that could just be that I've read a lot of different stuff and have many more "weird" book recommendations than people are often willing to accept.)

I'm not sure I totally understand what makes it weird, but I thought I'd give a good general description of it. I'm also not sure if the books/movies/etc. I've read/watched/played fall into it, but I've tried to include enough examples that you could probably come up with at least a few.

It is a genre, though not a defined one. There are lots of stories and media with some elements of this "weird" concept, and lots of those with many more elements of it, etc. (The term isn't that useful, so this isn't quite a "master post." But there are enough things that fit this pattern that you could probably make one.)

1. Dune by Frank Herbert and the "Dune" movies. (The book was kind of silly and not very popular, but not in a way that's incompatible with the type of books/movies I'm talking about. The book is really not that different from the "movies." I'm also not sure "The Sandman" would have the same effect on me, but if it's the sort of book "The Sandman" is, I might like it.)

2. American Gods and Norse Mythology both have an element of cosmic horror/speculative fiction and some sci-fi elements, and they were both pretty enjoyable for me.

3. Good Omens is a sort of cosmic horror/speculative story about demons/angels and an idea play, and I think it was pretty good.

4. The Left Hand of Darkness and various other books and movies with somewhat gender-transcending aliens are very much of this type, but probably don't fall under any one name in a way that makes sense. I think the key ingredient here is a sense of a world so different that "gender" would have a very different meaning in it. (For example, if you're going to imagine something like John/Joan/John, what is this something going to look like?)

5. I've never read/watched/played Brazil, but I've seen a lot of people talk about it as being of this type. I'm not sure if it is in any way, but I was reading one of the short stories of the book and liked it well enough.

6. Neon Genesis Evangelion is a long story and not the sort of thing that lends itself easily to this kind of categorization, but I'd consider it kind of weird in a way similar to The Sandman?

7. I'm sure there are also many, many others I'm forgetting. If you're curious, give me a few titles that have come up in my reading of various internet commentaries about The Sandman and let me know whether I should like them or not. (The ones I'm particularly interested in are the ones that do the same thing the Sandman does but a little bit more effectively, but obviously other things do that too.)

[rainbowwing251]

This is completely random but, what do you think the laughs of all smash fighters would sound like? I’m low-key kinda curious. You can ignore this if you want

This ask has been sitting in my inbox since May, and I feel terrible about it. I’m very sorry for the late response.

However, the delay might have been a good thing? I mean, it wouldn’t have taken me long to add Kazuya to this post if I posted this back in May or June, but who knows? I might have to do a bit of research when the final DLC Fighter gets announced, so this delay could save me some time in the future.

Alright, so before we begin, I need to make a confession: when I first saw this ask in May, it kind of broke my brain. I think I even got a little flustered at the idea of describing the laughs of all of the Smash characters. I had absolutely no idea how to respond to this ask at first, but I think I got an idea.

I’m going to use the following categories to describe the laughs of each of the fighters in the most simple way possible. If you want me to elaborate on a specific character’s laugh, I’ll gladly respond to your questions.

Here are the categories and all of the fighters that fall into a specific category:

A mixture of squeaks, squeals, and uncontrollable laughter: Corrin, Daisy, Dark Pit, Inklings (all 8 of them), Joker, Pit, Roy (Fire Emblem), Robin, Shulk, Sora, Toon Link.

These fighters sound as though they are going to die of laughter if you don’t stop tickling them (and they probably would. Most of these fighters are deathly ticklish).

Light laughter that may contain sweet-sounding giggles: Eleven, Ice Climbers (both Nana and Popo have laughs like this), Isabelle, Jigglypuff, Link, Marth, Min Min, Ness, Palutena, Peach, Reflect (this is the name that I use to refer to female Robin), Rosalina & Luma (both of them fall under this category), Roy (Koopaling), Wendy, Sally (Sally is what I call the female Wii Fit Trainer), Zelda.

If you like cute things, you might want to tickle these fighters.

Silly-sounding laughter: Alph, Banjo, Bowser Jr., Chrom, Dr. Mario, Eight, Greninja, Iggy, Kazooie, Mario, Larry, Lemmy, Luigi, Olimar, Sonic, Terry.

If you don’t want to lose yourself to laughter, then you might not want to tickle these specific fighters. Their laughs are highly contagious, even to the fighters who are known for their stoicism.

Belly laughs: Bowser, King Dedede, King K. Rool, Morton

Strained laughter: Blythe (this is the name that I use to refer to female Byleth), Byleth, Charizard, Cloud, Erdrick/Arusu (Dragon Quest III), Fox, Falco, Lucario, Lucina, Meta Knight, Mythra, Samus, Sheik, Solo

What I mean by “strained laughter” is laughter that sounds forced. This type of laughter might be painful to the fighters who laugh like this, since they are not used to laughing. So if you tickle these fighters, they might end up with a bit of chest pain if you tickle them long enough.

Gruff-sounding laughter: Ike, Ken, Little Mac, Richter, Sal (Sal is what I call the male Wii Fit Trainer), Snake

Nervous laughter: Kamui (this is the name that I use to refer to female Corrin), Lucas, Pichu, Pyra

Why is Kamui here? Well, she’s terrified of tickle torture (or at least in my headcanons, she is). She’s seen what her Nohrian siblings can do to their unfortunate victims, so she’ll always get nervous when she is the lee.

As for Pichu, it’s worried about electrocuting the person who’s tickling it. We all know that Pichu is not the best at controlling electricity, so I don’t think anyone would blame it for being afraid of shocking someone. It’s happened to a couple of the fighters in the past.

Innocent-sounding laughter: Ivysaur, Kirby, Leaf (this is the name that I use to refer to the female Pokémon Trainer), Mega Man, Pikachu, Red (this is the name that I use to refer to the male Pokémon Trainer), Squirtle, Villagers (all 8 of them), Young Link

Light chuckling, but otherwise nothing: Bayonetta, Captain Falcon, Incineroar, Ryu, Sephiroth, Simon

These fighters are not that ticklish, but you likely got the idea straight away, given the name of this category.

They can laugh, but they are not ticklish: Duck Hunt, Ganondorf, Kazuya, Mewtwo, Wario, Wolf

Can’t laugh at all: Dark Samus, Enderman, Mr. Game & Watch, Piranha Plant, Ridley, R.O.B, Zombie.

Are these fighters capable of laughing? If so, is it possible to tickle them? Would they even be ticklish? I have no clue: Alex, Diddy Kong, Donkey Kong, PAC-MAN, Steve, Yoshi.

No definitive laugh: Mii Fighters

Since each Mii Fighter has a different voice, and there are 12 different voices in total, it would be impossible for anyone to describe the laughs of all of the Mii’s with a single description.

[rosezemlya]

As we all know Rose that you wrote RR before any official timeline had come out, I’d still love to hear your thoughts on the timeline split for OOT! When link is sent back to his childhood for The Return, do you think that there was a world now where Link was absent? And if so- I’m curious how your Zelda would handle that future without link and having to rebuild her home without her love? Thanks so much!

I actually have an answer about the effects of Zelda sending Link back in time at the end of OOT on the timeline, but they’re basically the story that would make RR a trilogy (RRR - I believe I already titled the potential third instalment Redemption), so they fall under the “spoilers” category and I won’t go into detail on them at this point (ask me again when Rec is done and I decide whether or not to pursue the idea of a third installment to wrap it all up once and for all).

Having said that, it’s not exactly the kind of split proposed in the official timeline, so I can run some hypotheticals on that without spoiling anything!

Assuming a scenario in which sending Link back in time resulted in a bifurcated Trousers of Time scenario (to reference GNU Terry Pratchett), the Return is one pant leg, and the other is a world with a Hyrule that’s pretty fucked, but not unrecoverably so.  The Gorons, Zora and Kokiri are all fine and won’t have trouble bouncing back from the bad times (the Zora probably took the biggest hit of these three, assuming some of them didn’t survive the freezing, but I wasn’t given the impression in game that this would be the case on any scale that was going to cause major population problems).

The Hylians are going to have some problems.  Castletown’s a write off.  Reclaiming it is going to be a whole deal, and I don’t really think their army is intact anymore.  They’re going to have to make a lot of deals to get enough help to take it back, and they’re going to have to go deep into debt to rebuild it.  Unless they’re only missing pieces of it.  Like maybe sections of it are still inhabited by Hylians who’ve been living there under Ganon’s rule and only certain sections are overrun by undead and monsters and shit.  But in its endless quest for DRAMA!!! the game definitely made it seem like the whole place was fucked.  Otherwise why would all the merchants have moved to Kakriko?  So the Hylians are basically up past their eyeballs in debt by the time they manage to get the force they need to clear out the city and take it back AND rebuild it (taking it back will be cheaper than rebuilding).  And THEY almost certainly took HEAVY losses in the fighting over Castletown.  So they’re much smaller a nation than they had been, and their new debt taking their home back is going to further reduce their influence/power in Hyrule.

The Sheikah are super duper ultra fucked.  I talked recently in another ask somewhere about the Sheikah during the seven years Link was asleep in the Sacred Realm, and they weren’t happy years.  The Sheikah were hunted by Ganon’s forces (which, as a reminder, including Sheikan traitors like Detsu, operating within the Sheikah ranks) and took extremely heavy casualties during this time, and they had NOWHERE NEAR the people the Hylians did to begin with.  They’d be a ghost of themselves, near extinction by the end of OOT.

The Gerudo are also not in an amazing place.  They will have had their own losses taking Castletown and trying to hold all the territory they’d need to secure their route back home to the desert.  It spread them very thin, and as fierce as they are, that was taken advantage of by the Hyrulian forces during the seven year lead up.

Ganon will lose to Link and Zelda and the Gerudo will, within a week at most, disappear from Hyrule.  The instant the Son is gone and can be presumed dead, the Gerudo leaders in Castletown will order the retreat because they never wanted this cursed land in the first place, and they’d take their survivors and go back to the Fortress to kick the moblins out and lick their wounds and mourn their dead and try to decide what to do about their badly damaged numbers when their actions under Ganondorf have done so much universal damage to their reputation that recruitment isn’t really an option right now.

As an upside for them, the Wind just lost both of her Sons, and the last one came and went so fast there was no way for the Gerudo to even realize what he was or to translate the message he was supposed to be for them, so She’d probably huff and puff (ha ha) about it for a bit and then realize she’s on the cusp of losing their faith entirely and then go down there herself and be born among them (like when I was first making up Lije, except she’d be a totally different person because she’s not a Link, she’s a unique character).  It wouldn’t solve their number problems, but they could still get the reset of their Covenant, just through a different tack.

Zelda herself would do her best to lead her people and Hyrule through all of this.  I think she would manage to keep Hyrule (minus the Gerudo) together for at least as long as she lives, but it would be much harder to do so with the Hylians so weakened and the Sheikah down to a handful of agents.  Hyrule will outlive her as a united Kingdom, but her daughter will inherit a kingdom on its way down.  The Kingdom of Hyrule will become a nation of Hylians as the alliances it has atrophy and split up, and even the Hylians as a group start to break up into smaller entities.  Things will decentralize again for a while.

History will be kind to Zelda, though.  It won’t blame her.  She’ll be seen as someone who kept things from going as bad as they could have gone.  She prevented outright wars, her policies ensured that even as it was breaking up into its component pieces, it did so in a way that was RELATIVELY free of the kind of bloodshed that so often marked the fall of nations in Hyrule’s long history.  And her daughter was handed, essentially, a funeral in progress. All she had to do was say some words and lower the coffin and push in the dirt.  There wasn’t anything else she could do.

(She definitely, after she could hardly be called a Queen anymore, had a lovely romance with her Sheikah bodyguard, who was very stubbornly sticking to the old ways and trying to do right by the memory of those who came before, even if the only learning tool available was books and histories and such, rather than actual Sheikah mentors, because most of the Sheikah are dead by then and they lived to a ripe old age before dying peacefully, in charge of nothing but each other and a little patch of garden in Hyrule Field somewhere.)

[ao3feed-ineffablehusbandz]

If You Hadn't Found Me (I Would Have Found You)

If You Hadn't Found Me (I Would Have Found You)

by NightValeian

Aziraphale Fell, renowned cellist and musical prodigy, yearns for more than the hand he's been dealt.

Anthony Crowley, lead singer for the band The Fallen, is trying to find a new sound.

The two meet under unusual circumstances and somehow manage to find everything they'd been looking for.

Words: 4783, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel (Good Omens), Beelzebub (Good Omens), Hastur (Good Omens), Ligur (Good Omens)

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Musicians, Crowley is a Rockstar, Aziraphale is a Cellist, Implied Sexual Content, Meet-Cute, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Flirting, Pining

From https://ift.tt/NyWg794 https://archiveofourown.org/works/48839653

[cina-full-moon-xanadium]

Who do you most would want in Smash?

Not sure, at this point! In terms of third party stuff my big wants of Sonic, Snake and Mega Man have all been here for a while; and my first party wants like Lucina, Three Houses rep and Ridley have also surprisingly happened. I’m in a really fortunate position where all my favourite characters are in, I enjoy playing most of them, and I can just sit back and enjoy anyone who gets added on their own merits. Min Min and Terry’s gameplay was a wonderful surprise for me!

So at this point what I want to see added to Smash is stuff other than characters. Add a boss battle mode, or more to stage builder, etc. I understand a full-fledged adventure mode like SSE would be too much so smaller things like I suggested would be good. You already have a huge roster so I’d like more things to do with them at this point.

Reaaally hold me at gunpoint though and ask me who I want in Smash? I gueeess Spyro and Geno? Would love another Kirby rep like Bandana Dee and it still surprises me we haven’t gotten Shadow as a Sonic Echo. After playing the Age of Calamity demo I also want Impa in more than ever. But these all fall under the category of “Would be super neat” rather than huge wants. Really happy with the roster as-is!

[milk-luvr-dot-com]

“A New Assistant” - The Thick of It - Chapter 2

Summary: While DoSAC fucks around trying to keep the data wipe a secret, Malcolm and Ivy begin to become more comfortable with one another.

Word Count (this chapter): 5222

Rating: Mature (for adult situations, language)

Warnings: No Ao3 Warnings, Explicit Language, homophobic language, fatphobic language, sexist language, ablest language

Categories: F/M, Gen

Tags: Falling in love, crushes, comedy, slow burn, explicit language, original female characters, AU - canon divergence, mutual pining, additional tags to be added

Chapter 1, Chapter 3

Ao3 link and full work under the cut.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510592/chapters/59267578

Malcolm walked into the office, expecting to turn on the light. It caught him off guard when the light was already on, and Ivy was sitting across the room at her desk, quietly talking to people on the phone about menial garbage that Malcolm had put her on last night.

"Oh, shit." He said, dropping his briefcase beside his desk and settled into his office chair.

She looked up after finishing her call, "Morning, sir."

"Were you here all night?" Malcolm made a concerned face.

Ivy capped her pen. "No, got here early to sort out Anthony's mental breakdown about his stupid bloody department of education thing." She rubbed her eyes, which didn't smear what little makeup she had on. She looked tired. She could have been lying.

"Well, good morning anyway. Can I fetch you some tea?"

She thought it was a sweet gesture. He always tried to be kind to her, no matter how frustrated or pissed he was at anybody else. He was always patient. Even if he made a smarmy comment, it was all in jest. She had only been there a week, but she knew that Malcolm didn't treat anyone else like this.

"Aren't I supposed to be the one doing the tea fetching?" Ivy smiled meekly.

Malcolm didn't look at her, instead preoccupied with signing into his computer. "Right you are. Can you fetch us some tea?"

She sighed, getting up, "what kind?"

"Earl grey would be fine, thank you, Ivy."

"Mhm." She fetched it, then came back fairly quickly.

As she leaned down to set his cup on his desk, he began, "You ever see that movie with Rory Calhoun, where there's these siblings who sell meat but it's actually made out of human flesh? What's it called again?"

"Motel Hell?"

He snapped his fingers, pointing at her. "Motel Hell. Wow, you must really know your '80s horror films."

She chuckled, "I remember seeing that one at the cinema with my mates."

Malcolm raised an eyebrow, "in cinema?"

"Yeah."

He didn't continue, trying to calculate her age in her head.

"Sir, you're only about 4 years my senior." Ivy slumped into her chair.

Malcolm looked at her in disbelief. "No..." he turned his head to give her a side eye. "No, you can't be."

She pressed her lips together, and nodded. "Yeah. 46, as of July."

"I thought you were  approaching  your 40s. Christ, you look lovely."

"Oh, stop." She swiped her hand at him, grinning and blushing. "You're not that bad, either, Malcolm."

He sighed, "Anyway, uh, my point was that you and I are like the people from Motel Hell. Tag team of..."

"Shit?"

"Yeah, shit. So, I want to see you in action. How about you go up there and see what's.. shaking." Malcolm smiled, using his hands as he talked.

"Alright then. I'll take notes for you." She stood up, making her way up to the DoSAC workspace.

The sound of Ivy's heels echoed through the office space and send the same vibe as the Other Mother from Coraline. Once she rounded the corner, she didn't make a fairer presence.

"Morning, morning, morning everyone." The DoSAC employees looked relieved to see her instead of Malcolm. They really shouldn't have been. "Where's Nicola?" Ivy turned to Olly, who was punching in a phone number.

"Er, she's on a call." He said, which was a total lie, as she had just stood up and looked directly at her before ducking back down again, with a relieved look on her face. Again, she really shouldn't have been.

A blonde haired woman, who's name Ivy recalled to be Robyn, asked weakly, "Does he know...?"

She wheeled around, staring at her. They were the same height. "Hm? Sorry? Does he know what?"

"Er..." Robyn scrambled for something to say, clearly, "the best way to clear a paper jam?"

"I'm not sure, but in my expert opinion, you put a hamster in a tube sock and beat the printer over and over again with it until it works." She bluntly responded, then turned at Nicola's voice.

"Morning, Ivy. Uh, if you could sort out the sack race situation for me, that'd be terrific." She said to Terri, who agreed and asked what she could do. "Ideally, build a time machine so that we could go back and not invite photographers to the sports day."

Ivy rolled her eyes. Terri and Nicola continued for a few more moments, then Nicola turned her attention to Ivy, finally. "So, Ivy-"

"Oh, sorry, uh, Malcolm's calling, hang on just one moment." She made her way to the elevator nook.

"Malcolm, what can I do you for? ....Oh, yeah, it's going okay. Yeah they're being fucking weird, like those boys on that one show, Ghost Adventures. Walking around and shouting every five minutes, 'what was that?' .... no, not literally, sir. But maybe you should come up here, they look like they're about to admit something. They've got it in their little beady eyes. ....Yeah, okay. See you." Ivy slinked back to the main area.

She gave a warm smile on her way back. "Right, my apologies. What's going on, hm?"

"Uh-" Nicola began, but then was cut off when Ivy answered a voice call. "Hello, Rory, what can I do-... WHAT?" She shouted, and continuing, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? JESUS!"

Ivy ran off, towards the bridge point of the office. She continued to talk to Rory about something regarding what's on the press, something menial, but Rory always decided he was most important. That's why Malcolm gave Ivy the number, for her to handle it. Robyn and Glenn had a very clandestine conversation full of false laughter on the other end of the hall. She took mental note of it. Once Malcolm exited the lift, she ended the call.

They held conversation on their way back to Nicola's office.

"They're being fucking weird."

"They're always fucking weird, why do you need me up here?" Malcolm asked.

She exhaled through her nose. "I'm just worried it might be something big, and I don't know if I can handle it, okay?"

"You can handle it, trust me, you were fine, but since I'm up here anyway, I might as well stay up here." They stopped directly outside of the Secretary of State's office. "We'll talk about this later, okay?" He pointed at her, and they both entered the room.

"Little pigs, little pigs," he teased in a gruff voice, "Let me come in. Don’t worry about the hair on your chinny-chin-chin."

"Malcolm, Ivy, what was your call?" Nicola asked, smugly.

They both furrowed their brows. Ivy spoke first, "is it any of your business?"

"What was our call?"

Glenn tried to get a word in, but Malcolm continued. "You want to know what our call was? Sorry, I didn’t realize I had to run all the calls made through your bed-wetters switchboard, here."

"Usually he’ll just dial 1-1-hate." Ivy jumped in.

Nicola asked, "Malcolm, do you know?"

"Of course he knows."

"No, he doesn’t know."

Ivy gently elbowed him, whispering, "Fucking clandestine."

"There has been a massive irretrievable data loss. The last seven months’ worth of new immigrant details have gone, apparently lost in the computer." She finally laid out.

Ivy’s eyes widened out of shock, and then her brows lowered, angry. Malcolm paused for a minute, beginning to crack a smile and then a maniacal laugh.

"You’re fucking kidding. Nicola, tell me you’re fucking kidding." Ivy began, slowly raising her voice halfway through the sentence.

"Do you know what? Do you know what’s really fucking sad here, is that I don’t even have the energy to pretend I already knew. Which is for the best, because I’m gonna need all of my fucking energy to fucking rip all of your bodies to bits with my bare hand and sell off your flayed fucking skin as a sleeping bag to a normal person!" He turned to Ivy, "Ivy, go and get my bowie knife from my office, because I’d like to start now."

"Can I just say that getting angry actually isn’t going to help anything. I’ve done anger, I’m currently at grief, I’m working my way towards bargaining… whatever, you know, it’s behind me."

"Oh, that’s great. That’s fan-fucking-tastic, minister! You know what, why don’t you just explain your little plan to us here so we can pick out all the problems with it like crows looking for bits of flesh on a fresh piece of roadkill." The short woman spat, crossing her arms.

She sighed, asking Terri to explain the plan. "Well, blaming the department minister might be a high-risk strategy."

"Ooh, high risk. Power serve." He added immaturely.

Ivy smiled, then bit her lip, adding "Saucy."

"My pitch would be that this department is fatally flawed. It’s out of condition, it’s obese, it’s asthmatic."

"That a-girl, back over the net."

“You're really sure about that, Nicola, because-” Glenn began.

"Yes, wise words from the distinguished, elderly, gay fucking tennis coach here."

Olly interjected, "Seriously, I think we should talk about my strategy further because I really think that there's a way-"

"Oh, good, the tiny-dicked ball boy's having a go now, with his tiny little clean white shorts and a pink polo, here we go." Ivy pinched the bridge of her nose, leaning against the black filing cabinets.

"What about Sue Barker's little sister? What's she got to say?"

Robyn made some comment about lemon zinger, before Ivy checked her notes. "Does The Guardian know about this? The Mail?"

"Oh God- you two, can't even handle you, you fucking statue, on your own," Nicola started, motioning to Malcolm, "but now it's fucking Bonnie and Clyde. The Guardian, God I don't fucking know..."

"Shall I find out? Get some feelers?" The woman in the pink power suit asked.

"Yeah, go on, get your feelers out for the lads."

"What do you think, Malcolm, will shitting on the department work?" Nicola suggested, crossing her arms and rubbing one of her temples.

"Oh, sure. Let's cause a bit of friction, here, huh? Let's fire someone, let's fire Glenn!"

"You can't just fire Glenn, no."

"We could fire Glenn."

"Shall I get his file?"

"No! I've got a list!" The sickly fucking Mister Rogers (God rest his soul) shouted.

Ivy folded her hands together, bending down as if she was talking to a child. "Oh, you've got a list? Of what, your favorite fucking toys, you fucking immaculate toddler?"

Malcolm left the room, and so did Nicola and Glenn. "Ivy, come on. You're the new broom, you're sweeping up trouble with one end, broom-handling incompetent staff up the tunnel with the other."

"So how do we play it with the Guardian, then?" She chased after him.

"Smile. By gay. Smile, smile, smile!" Malcolm psychotically smiled. Ivy mirrored him.

"Malcolm, sir?"

"Huh?" He was at his desk again, stuffing his notes for the meeting at The Guardian in a pile.

"Am I coming with... you... to the thing?"

He stopped, looking at her, lost in thought. "Er... yes, but I'm going to need you stay out of the lunch room. Stay in the lobby. Have a lovely beans on toast or whatever it is you cockney bastards do."

She rolled her eyes, shrugging, "Ah, thanks mate."

"I'll call you or come get you if some shitty shit thing happens, like Nicola chokes on a piece of banana or some other disaster."

"I'd expect Nicola to choke on Jeffery's banana, trying to sputter out..." She continued for a moment, mumbling on about calling Nicola a wanker.

"You really don't like her, do you?"

Ivy looked up at him, raising her eyebrows. "No. I really don't. She's a fucking disaster with the press. She's a smug little stinging lit piece of coal thrown in your shoe directly from hell."

"Well, what can you expect from someone so low down on the list?"

She snickered, "Not much apparently."

"Fine. Yeah." Ivy looked up at Malcolm's voice. She was seated on an uncomfortable red seat directly across from the meeting room. She stood and met up with him again.

"Ah, there's your other half, Malcolm." Olly commented.

"Piss off." She answered.

Most of them piled into the lift, and Olly continued. "I didn't think you'd have come today, but I suppose she follows you everywhere, like a little puppy."

"Yeah, what is it with you two, Malcolm?" Terri chimed in. "Are you two dating?"

"Are we dating?" Ivy mocked. "No, we're not. I'm his assistant. He's my boss."

"Hot, isn't it?" The curly haired lanky bitch continued.

She sighed. "Olly, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to tear off your arm and beat your thick skull to death with it." She pointed at him threateningly.

"Ooh, I'm so scared of the oompa loompa in the navy blue skirt."

"Don't fuck with me!" She shouted.

Malcolm shot Olly a stern look, to let him know he meant business. That classic Malcolm look that put fear into DoSAC's veins. He shut up immediately. They exited the lift and out of the lobby, then back inside into the van.

"Hey French Lieutenant's woman, we're over here, come on! What're you doing, marking out your territory?"

Nicola had a look on her face like she'd just seen a ghost. She'd fucked up somewhere along the line, Ivy thought.

"I need some air, Olly, come with me, now." She hurried out the car.

"She's not a post-match puker, right?"

"Fuck's sake."

"I know."

Terri began talking about wine. She stopped, in favor of asking more prodding questions. "How was your first week, Ivy?"

"Fine." She was pretending to write things down, instead drawing a caricature of Nicola in a straight jacket with a text bubble coming off of it saying 'wooden toys!'. She had it turned to Malcolm, who looked at it and smirked.

"He wasn't too hard on you, was he?"

"Nope."

"Are you listening to me?"

Ivy finally looked up. "Nope!" She smiled. Malcolm covered his mouth, checking his Blackberry, and pretending he wasn't grinning. "And I don't work for you, so it doesn't matter."

Nicola returned to the car, apologizing profusely and explaining herself to Malcolm. She ended it with a, "Sorry, Malcolm, I'm really sorry."

"Fucks sake!" He smacked his lap with his clipboard, "JESUS! CHRIST! Well now we've got another adjective to add to smug and glum, FUCKING RETARDED! Jesus! Do you not think it would be germane to check who you're talking to? It's a fucking newspaper office! It's not a fucking, sanatorium for the fucking deaf, is it?! Are you so dense?! Am I going to have to run around slapping badges on people wit a big tick on some, a big cross on others, so you know when to shut your gob and when to open it? Jesus Christ! Oh, but that'd probably confuse you as well, won't it?! That'll be TOO confusing! You'll see a cross and go, 'oh, fuck, X marks the spot! Better tell this little person all about the Prime Minister's fucking catastrophic erectile dysfunction!' Oh, but, not to worry! Not to worry, you've sent Olly over there to deal with it! Fucking Olly! He's a fucking knitted scarf, that twat! He's a fucking balaclava!"

Once Malcolm had finished his tear, he held his face, turning to look out the window. Nicola quietly left the car, leaning against the side of it and rubbing her face. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Sorry, Ivy." He quietly said, apologetically. "Sorry you had to be caught in the middle of that."

She had been silent the whole time, stuck in between those two. "Oh. It's okay."

"Don't I get an apology, too?" Terri piped up.

"No, actually, you don't, you fucking wad of bubblegum. Come on." Malcolm and Ivy exited the van, Nicola saw and followed from the other side. They approached the red head, and Olly was desperately explaining himself to her.

"The department's not really fit for purpose, I mean, Terri's quite bad."

"Not just Terri, I mean I'm not going to name names but Robyn, Robyn's shit. Total shit."

Olly nodded, "Robyn, she's total shit."

"O-kay. Olly, please fuck off." Ivy said, crossing her arms.

"What?"

"Go on. Go and have your fucking lukewarm tea. Mummy and daddy are talking." Malcolm added, shooing him with his hand. "I'm sure that we can settle this matter of you eavesdropping on a private conversation."

The journalist paused for a moment. "It was a public conversation."

"No. You are- you think you're so clever and you are so totally wanking with the wrong crowd here because this woman-" Nicola grabbed Ivy by the sleeve, dragging her in front of Malcolm and into center stage. "This woman, here, is the press."

"Nicola!" She hurriedly whispered. Nicola ran off, whining "Fuck, what have I done?" All the way back to the van.

"Do you think this is going to advance your career? Is this you moving forward?"

"I mean, at least my career has got a trajectory, whereas yours is about to crash head-on into a change of government."

"Don't you worry, girl, because I can still fucking steer some fucking flaming wreckage in your fucking direction."

"Yeah, I'll tell you what, once it's printed I promise I'll come back to you for a reaction quote. How's that?"

"Darling, I wouldn't fucking piss on you, if you were fucking allergic to piss, right?"

"Malcolm-" Ivy attempted to begin to deescalate the situation.

"No, I will fucking-"

The reporter began to walk away, "I'll come back to your wife, here, for a reaction quote, too. That's quite enough for one day. Jesus."

"We're not married!" He shouted after her. "Fuck right off, then!"

As they turned, Malcolm began muttering swear words to himself. "Are you alright, sir?" Ivy asked.

"No! I'm not fucking alright! Shit!" He spat, throwing his hands up. He huffed, "Sorry, it's just-"

"I know." She tentatively put a hand on his forearm that was attached to the hand stuffed inside his pocket. "Sorry, dumb question."

"No, you're fine."

Meanwhile, inside the van, the gang were gossiping like a bunch of schoolchildren about Malcolm and Ivy. Terri pointed, "Look, they're holding hands! They have to be dating!"

"What?" Olly looked out. "No they're not!"

"Okay, shh, shh, they're coming back."

Malcolm and Ivy walked back to their office in silence on their way back. Once they got back and settled back in, Malcolm broke the silence.

"Well that was a fucking whale-sized shit stain on this department."

Ivy clacked in her password into her laptop. Without looking up, she answered "This department is a whale-sized shit stain. To be completely honest, sir, it's exactly what I'd expect to happen."

He chuckled for a bit, then the room went back to silence. Once again, Malcolm broke it. "Ivy?"

"Hm?"

"What did you mean, this morning, when you said you thought you couldn't handle it?"

"Huh? Oh. Er... well, I meant exactly that. I didn't feel that I could handle a big reveal like that. And I had a feeling that was what they were going to do."

"Do you know what? I think you could've handled it."

"Sir-"

"I've seen you in meetings. I know how you've done at your last job. You're quick enough, you're... certainly smart enough, and you've got enough power in your voice to yell if need be. That's a big part of the job, too."

She smiled, warmly, and genuinely. She was blushing, just a bit, too.

"Don't doubt yourself. Okay?"

She sniffled, on the verge of tears. "Okay." As she nodded, a tear dropped down onto the paper she was reading. "Thank you, Malcolm. Thank you."

"Hey, hey, woah." He stood up, "Don't cry, I was just-"

"I know." She wiped a tear away. "It just means a lot to me, that's all." She grabbed a tissue, wiping away drips.

"Okay..." Just then, his cell phone chimed, a notification from the Daily Mail. They'd gotten their grubby little hands on the story already. "Oh, shit."

"What?"

"Mail's found out. Right, gotta get Nicola's spidery arse down here. Pick yourself up, and look alive, love." He punched in the number, and sternly talked into the phone, "Get over here. Now. Might be advisable to wear brown trousers, and a shirt the colour of blood."

Ivy didn't listen to that last bit. She was too focused on him calling her ‘love’. Yeah, it was colloquial around England to refer to women as ‘love’, but it was mostly in a demeaning or sarcastic method of use. It meant more that Malcolm had used it as a term of endearment.

Malcolm began once Nicola - and for whatever reason, Terri - had settled down. Ivy was stationed next to him, arms crossed, like a bodyguard of a mob boss, leaning against the back wall. “I just want to say to you, by way of introductory remarks that I’m extremely miffed about today’s events. And in my quest to try and make you understand the level of my unhappiness, I’m likely to use an awful lot of what we would call violent sexual imagery. And I just wanted to check that neither of you would be terribly offended by that.”

"Did you write that for him, Ivy?" Terri asked, as if they were friends.

"To be honest, I’d rather him not apologize for it, it’s funnier that way." She said starkly and with a bit of sass. "I’d rather him go in unlubed, if you will."

"I think I could do without the theatrics, Malcolm."

"Enough! E-fucking-nough. You need to learn to shut your fucking cave, right? Today you have laid your first big fat egg of solid fuck. You took the data loss media strategy and you ate it with a lump of E. coli. And then you sprayed it out of your arse at 300 miles per hour."

"I simply made a mistake."

"Pretty big fucking mistake." Ivy added.

Nicola furrowed her brow. "God, can you just shut up!"

"Hey, I don’t work for you. I don’t give a flying shit what you tell me to do."

"You got on the record and off the record fucking mixed up! What would have happened if like, George Martin had done that? We’d have no fucking Beatles, that’s what. Now, I don’t give a fuck about that. I’ve had to sit next to Paul McCartney at fucking Chequers."

"The data loss wasn’t my fault."

"Fine, yeah, but I tell you what. It came out pretty fucking fast once you were in there, didn’t it? Which makes me wonder, should I just go and talk to the boss? Should I go and tell him, 'I don’t think she’s up to the job.'"

"You said yourself that if he sacks me after a week, it looks like he’s fucked up."

"Yeah, but that was before, when your only problem was a fucking shit pun in a newspaper and a face like Dot Collen licking piss off a nettle."

"Okay, I messed up, right? I messed up. But I will, from now on listen to every bit of advice you give me. I’ll go on Question Time wearing a push-up bra and a fez. I’ll do the hustings on stilts if that is what you tell me the strategy is because you know about that stuff, Malcolm. I know that. It’s just that I’ve got things that I want to do, all right?"

"Of course you do, like Montessouri fucking rocking horses, I suppose."

“No, no.”

Ivy checked her notes, "Uh, the Mail has the motherload on this, yeah? But you know, you’re going to have to just swallow your pride."

"Uh-huh. Thank you, Ivy."

"Right, what’s the strategy?" Terri clicked her pen.

"Ooh, the Kraken awakes." He sarcastically said.

"No, no no. This is just the first part of the meeting that hasn't been about expletives or fezzes or stilts or teabagging. This is the bit that relates to media management."

"Teabagging?" The assistant inquired.

"I didn’t say anything about teabagging. Do you know what teabagging is?"

"Er… not really, no. I’m told it’s uh… unpleasant."

Ivy and Malcolm made eye contact, both thinking the same thing.

"Who do you want me to call? The Mail?"

"Yes. Go on, get the mail in. The Cheeky Girls back on tour." He escorted them out of his office, closing the door behind them.

"What a day, eh, sir?" Ivy said, returning to her desk.

"Er… Ivy, I’d rather you not call me ‘sir’ anymore. At least not when we’re alone."

"Oh. Okay. Uh, any particular reason?" She began fiddling with some papers, stacking them and clacking the edges against the desk to straighten them.

"No, no. It just feels a bit formal, you know? Like, oh, what’d I do to deserve respect?"

"Mhm."

The room returned to silence. Even though they were a week in, Ivy still wasn’t christened in Malcolm’s eyes. This was her first experience with a scandal that was actually proper. There were no long nights, where they were flip-flopping back and forth with options and the media while the cleaning lady worked around them, not yet. There were no miserable holidays where they spent the time sucking up to another MP. If Malcolm had any friends or social skills, he would have expected to have had a night or two sitting together at the bar after a long night, slowly getting hammered on cheap beer and the occasional hard malt. There was none of that yet. But he still felt like she was here the whole time. Like she’d been through thick and thin with him. He didn’t know if that was just her vibe, or if it was on account of the fact that he was slowly falling in love with her.

Wow, Malcolm thought. He’s admitting it to himself now. That was unheard of. He hadn’t been like this since high school. He hadn’t felt anything towards anyone, especially not since he took this job all those years ago. Shit.

"Hey, Malcolm?" Ivy finally broke the silence. Hearing her voice was such unrequited bliss.

"Yeah?"

"Do you… want to go for a drink sometime? Or something besides work?"

"Why?"

"Can I be honest?"

"No."

"I’m going to anyway. You seem like you need a friend."

He stared at the wood grain on his desk to preoccupy his senses while he thought for a moment. He finally answered, "Okay."

"Huh? Sorry?"

"Let's go, then."

"It's only 3:30, Malcolm."

"Yeah, but it's 5:30 in Finland. Come on, grab your stuff, there's a pub 'round the corner."

"We have work!"

"No, no no, it's okay, we'll just sneak out."

Ivy was taken aback by Malcolm suddenly rebellious manner. I mean, he sort of was rebellious regardless, in a different way. Swearing and hurling abuse at coworkers was his drink of choice when it came to rebellion, but he always stuck around and did his work. It's not like he was straight-lace, either though. He was just never the type to ditch out early.

"Christ, what if the press sees us?"

They sat up at the bar stools. Malcolm ordered them each a beer. "The press won't come near the pubs. They haven't yet, anyway."

"Haven't yet? Do you...?"

"No, not all the time. I usually have a stash in my office." He smiled, joking. She laughed, taking a swig.

"I wanted to be a bar maid when I was younger." She mentioned, offhandedly. "Went to school for it for a few months. Became preoccupied with other things." She continued to explain.

"Really?"

"Yeah. But, enough about me." She shook her head, gesturing to him. "Did you ever think you'd get into politics?"

He sighed, "Not really, no. I uh, went to school for journalism. Started at my local newspaper, which got absorbed by The Independent. Continued there. Slithered my way up the chain." Ivy raised an eyebrow. "I dipped my hands into politics while working there. I left the Indy and worked for what is now called the department of work and pensions, then, again, worked my way up from there."

"Mm."

"What about you?"

"Oh, uh... Well I-I didn't really have a career until my mid 30's. I've bounced at lower level secretary or receptionist positions for a while. In both politics and journalism."

"Yeah, 'cause didn't you work for good old Harry Pickle, the dickle for a while?"

She snorted, almost spitting out her beer. "Is that what they're calling him?"

"What, you didn't know?"

"No! The bloke always kept that sort of thing under wraps, I guess. For his own sake."

"Jesus Christ the man's a fucking control freak."

"I know, oh trust me, I know. I had to wake up early every morning to print out things he could check off to make him feel like he had more control, while I poured sawdust over his idiocy vomit pile and swept it up. Fucking disaster. And when I said I wanted to leave, I think they put me on you because you were the worst to deal with."

He paused, furrowing his brow.

"In their opinion. I genuinely enjoy working for you Malcolm, don't worry." She placed her hand on his forearm that was resting on the countertop. He looked at it, biting his lip and trying not to draw too much attention to it.

Oh God, is she interested in me, is she being nice, or is she just tipsy? He thought. No, we're only one beer in, she can't be. Stop staring, you look like a creepy old man. She's just... so beautiful.

He clenched his fist under the counter, scrambling to find other things to talk about. "Uh, what about before your 30's?" She hadn't moved her gentle hand.

"Oh. Uh..." She looked apprehensive, almost embarrassed. "Well, you know I went to bartender school. But before that I mostly just... stayed at home. I don't have any younger siblings. Actually, no siblings period."

Malcolm smiled. "You're lucky."

She chuckled falsely, "I'm really not. I er... had to take care of my mother after secondary school. She was ill."

"Oh, bless."

"Yeah," she looked down, smiling sorrowfully. "But, she didn't have long to suffer. She died when I was 19." He nodded along, sympathetically. "After that, bartender school. I worked as a barmaid. Got bored with it after a year or two. Then I went to undertaker school, while still bar tending in the nights."

Malcolm raised his eyebrows, shocked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not kidding. If you ever need to mix a black velvet or embalm a body, you know who to call." She giggled. Malcolm laughed a long, admiring her as well. "So, then I worked as an undertaker until aged 33. I was offered to become funeral director, you know, the seedy arsehole who'll tell you shit like 'it's what dad would have wanted' when showing you a 10,000 quid casket. Had no interest there. So I started my assistant job in government, after going to a job fair. And the rest is history."

"Jesus, your life is so much more interesting than mine."

She chuckled. "I don't think it's all that cool. I mean, I've never been outside of Europe."

[luninosity]

2019 writing round-up post!

It's been an interesting year!

Once again, I suspect I wrote more overall than last year - but much more heavily original, and even less fanfic (but still some!) again. But a couple of those have been stories people really love, or seem to, from the AO3 comments etc. I didn't finish one thing I'd really meant to finish, but I did write a 254k novel, which, what even.

So...let's see what all those things are!

Academic (just to get this out of the way first) ~A book chapter on Disney's Robin Hood for an edited collection on Disney & pop culture (my chapter's around 5,000 words) ~The intro/my chapter/overall editorial work/bibliography for the Terry Pratchett book, coming 2020 (collectively, probably around 15k words of my own writing, plus comments on contributor essays) ~The book proposal for the Star Trek book (~3,000 words) ~The in-progress Neil Gaiman and Batman book chapter - currently around 2k, needs to be around 6k including references ~Plus one more successful grant application! Not listing all the conference/unpublished papers, but those too. Fanfic Stucky straight from your heart, E, 10,516 words - ah, yes, my contribution to the Bottom Bucky Fest! It was such a marvelous prompt, about Steve guiltily having a kinky fantasy about essentially rescuing and caring for the Winter Soldier (which also includes teaching him all about pleasure), and Bucky finding out about this, and them then negotiating ways to make this fantasy come true. I hadn't been writing as much Stucky, but this one flowed really well and felt really good, and people seem to like it! Evanstan (hmm - way less Evanstan this year! still some, at least...) Evanstan Round Robin 2019, T, 12,497 words overall, but my chapters total 2,528 words. The annual holiday collaborative masterpiece! So soft and fluffy this year - such a delight sharing this love and creation and fandom with everyone! Extra Sugar - My Evanstan epic fic-baby! I added chapters 30 & 31 in 2019, which brings the total to 107,533 words - which means, doing some math, that's + 4,000 words exactly, apparently! There'll be one more chapter. I know what it is, I just haven't had the time to write it. 2020 goal: finish off this series, completely, entirely, at the end. I'm still so amazed by this whole universe that I somehow made, and by the fandom response to it. *hugs you all* Cherik When It's Time, T, 2852 words - this one's not up on AO3 yet, though I think I can do that now, if it's okay with the @cherikzine  people! This was my story for the Bookends Cherik 'zine, and it's an AU with magicians in a sort of present-day fantasy setting version of the ending of Dark Phoenix, and it was fun to get back to one of my first real fandom loves, and I'm glad I wrote it. we are electric hearts, T,  2,732 words - fluffy little fun universe-crossover in which Erik and Charles meet Kris and Justin, my original Demon for Midwinter characters, written for @kernezelda <3 Original Fic (written and published in 2019) Gingerbread Dreams, M, 23,662 words - holiday m/m gingerbread competition baking fluff! A cranky judge! A cheerful ugly-sweater-wearing baker! The Grumpy One Is Soft For The Adorable One! The story I looked up medieval gingerbread recipes for, for a contestant challenge! Also contains a couple of familiar characters from "October Spice" in supporting roles... This story is also available as part of the Most Wonderful Time of the Year Trio Collection from JMS Books - three novellas bundled together, at a discount! October Spice, E, 3,130 words - the story that briefly made it to #1 Best Seller on Amazon in the LGBTQ Short Reads category! My super-short flash fiction romance for JMS Books, priced at only 99 cents! (Or even less, when on sale!) A first meeting, instant attraction (and some orgasms!), a Halloween-loving baker, and an adorable firefighter. (Evan and Matt (well, Matt in baked-goods artistic tribute) get a supporting role in Gingerbread Dreams, as mentioned above, if you want to know what they're up to...) (Also, Evan's last name is 100% an Ace of Cakes reference.) Bisclavret, T, 11,756 words - technically I had about 5k of this written YEARS ago, back when I first read Marie de France's 12th-century lai in grad school and immediately had to write an adaptation of it. But this version has extensive revisions, and ended up over twice as long. If you like stories about a medieval bisexual werewolf and the demisexual king he falls in love with, and a love of books and cuddling...well, that's basically what this one is! A Leather and Tea Morning, E,6,993 words - the first of the Leather and Tea sequels! (There'll be at least one more, about which more below.) Ben and Simon, a lazy morning, and some emotional comfort sex in the wake of Simon having been in a car accident. He's all recovered and everything - but there're some emotions that need to be dealt with, about Ben and protectiveness and tenderness and care and getting back to a very cautious-but-satisfying kinky scene. Sound the Fairy-Call, E, 5,545 words - the heavily rewritten (like, nearly twice as long, new original characters, world-building, all of that) original-fic version of my old Evanstan fic Glow, and it's basically the medieval fantasy healing-sex-in-a-forest story, with a fairy and a tired mercenary and Eastern European folklore references! Plus I've managed to quote Robert Graves in the epigraph! (To be precise, I wrote the first draft of this at the very very end of 2018 - I had literally just signed the contract before last year's writing round-up post. But then there was editing, revisions, etc, in 2019. So it counts!) This story is also available as part of the JMS Books 2019 Top Ten Gay Romance collection! Come pick up a copy and discover all the bestselling gay romance authors! The Ninepenny Element, M, 12,274 words - my first published lesbian romance! With a lawyer, a witch, some hexed earrings, a psychic younger brother, and a ghost puppy! This is essentially the sequel to Elemental (m/m, E, 12,776 words), since Verity's the older sister of Sterling from that story, but you don't necessarily have to've read that one first. There'll likely be one more - I have a vague idea about weather magic, and there's more to explore in this universe. The Pooka's Share, E, 20,205 words - a weary magical cop, an unruly faerie horse shapeshifter, and some creative punishments for apple-theft! More fun with folklore and sex and two people finding each other and turning out to be exactly what they both need, full of magic and compassion. This story is also available as part of the Legendary Loves Trio collection from JMS Books - three novellas bundled together, at a discount! Original Fic (written in 2019, publication contracts signed but stories not yet published) A Demon for Forever, E, 13,752 words - surprise! I thought I was done with the Demon for Midwinter universe - but JMS did a submissions call for stories celebrating LGBTQ marriage, and, well - I'd written the proposal story for Kris and Justin, so...we should get to see the wedding, right? This one'll be out in February. Justin may or may not wear a wedding dress. A sparkly one. :D Leather and Tea in London, E, 20,909 words - the third of the Leather and Tea stories! Written for the JMS Books BDSM collection call. Simon's brother needs a favor. So Ben and Simon head to London, bringing Ben's retired-spy skill set and also some fun toys for enjoying themselves... Original Fic (written in 2019, not yet under contract or published other than on AO3) Character Bleed, E, 254,099 words. Which means...since last year I had 40,371 words done...that's +213,728 words. In a year. Not even counting the Bonus Scenes (see below) or the sequel-in-progress. THIS STORY, YOU GUYS. I love it and these characters so much. It's the most ambitious thing I've ever tried to write, that whole story-within-a-story, being about actors filming a Regency-era gay love story, and falling in love themselves. I'm just looking at it all...and I'm in awe...and the response to this, oh wow. I've been so amazed and so grateful and so thrilled - the art, the trailer, the comments, the people thinking about these characters and loving them along with me - I'm so lucky to have all of you. *hugs everyone* And now I have to figure out what to do with it, and how and where one even publishes this behemoth, and how to cut it into manageable book-length divisions...! Character Bleed Bonus Scenes, E, 25,697 words currently - there'll be one more chapter, of which I have about a sentence written. I know exactly what that is, too - Colby getting to top, albeit still with Jason giving some directions. :D The untitled Character Bleed sequel, which is Leo's story - not up on AO3 yet, though I might start that with at least the prologue, later today or tomorrow. But it's already up to 15,511 words, plus my outline... Ember and Serenity, E, 20,752 words currently - I added chapter 4 in 2019, so about +5k words in 2019, I think? I do have plans for this one. Oh yes. My librarian-magician and his book-thief...yes. And if you're wondering who hired Serenity, well, there already has been a clue... :D

A few little scenes, odds and ends, plot bunnies like that necromancer/prince opening...not sure what the word count is there, probably a couple thousand. ~~ Okay, I THINK that's everything! Which is...a lot of words. Character Bleed alone...wow. Just...wow. It's definitely tilted even more toward original fic this year, and I didn't finish 'rain on tin,' which means it's been over a year since I've touched that one, so I'll have to get back to it!

But I did get to go back and write a couple things for my old Cherik loves, plus at least some Stucky & Evanstan, so that felt good, and I'm super-excited about lots of those original fic accomplishments - Amazon sales rank, sheer length, fun with medievalism, Top Ten achievements, my first lesbian romance, and of course everything about Character Bleed, which is, I think, my favorite thing I've written - it's so real in my head, and it was so weirdly easy to write, despite the length! Thanks for reading! I hope your year is starting off splendidly. <3